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Language:
English
Series:
Part 5 of teenagers scare the livin' shit outta me , Part 9 of coming are the nein , Part 5 of my crazy-ass crossovers
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Published:
2024-01-06
Updated:
2024-01-29
Words:
3,340
Chapters:
3/?
Comments:
55
Kudos:
342
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58
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4,383

i'll check in tomorrow if i don't wake up dead

Summary:

Plane shift goes wrong, and the Bad Kids end up somewhere unfamiliar. The Mighty Nein contend with strange children, and an unknown entity pulls the strings from the shadows.

Notes:

title from alone together by fallout boy

Chapter 1: part the first

Notes:

i am once again attempting a multi-chapter crossover fic. pray for me lads.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

The first thing Riz becomes aware of is the feeling of cold marble pressed against his face.  The next shouting and the way his ears pop that accompanies chronomancy.  There's shouting and general mayhem overhead as he heaves himself to his feet and draws his gun.  Or tries to.  As soon as he goes for it, he's frozen in place.  He tries to wriggle free unsuccessfully, heart racing with memories of Kalina.  They're in some sort of fancy marble temple, no windows in sight. Surrounding them are a group of Drow in armor with insignia that Riz doesn't recognize.  This definitely isn't Gorthalax's palace.

"Leggo ya creeps!" Fig shouts, held midair by the same magic that's keeping Riz and, by the looks of it, the rest of his friends in place, "You can't do this!  I have rights!"

"Don't say anything until we get a lawyer," Kristen suggests, "They hafta give us lawyers."

"Yeah!" Gorgug echoes indignantly, bulging vein in his forehead indicating that he was caught while trying to rage.  "Give us lawyers!"

"We are not giving you a lawyer, whatever that is," one of the soldiers say.

"What kind of barbaric place are we in that doesn't have lawyers?" Fabian bemoans.  "Even Papa had a lawyer on board."

Riz privately wonders why a pirate would have a lawyer on hand, but decides that he doesn't need to know right now.  Bill Seacaster is a mystery he doesn't care to think about most days. 

"We are students of the Aguefort Adventuring Academy," Adaine says, putting on airs, "And if you know what's good for you, you will let us go."

The soldiers exchange confused glances.  One of them, clearly some sort of captain of the guard based on the slight differences in their armor, cocks their head and says, "The academics of the Empire hold no sway here, child.  If you know what's good for you, then I suggest you tell me exactly why you are here."

The threads of a suggestion spell wrap around them, but Fig just bares her teeth and snarls, "We don't have to tell you jackshit!"

The soldier cocks a brow, "Interesting."  

They mutter words in an unfamiliar language under their breath and Riz feels Zone of Truth settle over him like a blanket.  The dice clattering in his brain don't roll high enough to resist.  He curses under his breath, tongue artificially loosened.  It's unlikely that they were intentionally pulled off-course by these people, considering the chaos that happened after they arrived in the chamber, but he's not about to spill his guts to complete strangers willingly.

"I will ask you this only one time.  Who are you?  Who do you serve and what is your aim here?" the soldier asks, arcane power lacing their words.

"Well, if I was gonna tell you anything," Fig begins, ranting, "Then I'd say that I am Fig, lead singer of Fig and the Sig Figs and Wizard's Paramour.  We're the Bad Kids, bitch, we don't serve any master and we were trying to have a sleepover at my dad's place but something fucked up the spell and next thing we know we're here!"  For a moment Fig looks triumphant, then her face falls, "Ah fuck!"

"We're not from the Empire or whatever," Riz adds against his will.  "We're from Solace."

"So you claim," the soldier says, "Yet I've never heard of such a place."

"We literally can't lie right now!" Kristen protests.

"We'll see," the soldier says.  "This is wartime.  We cannot afford to take intruders lightly.  Throw them in the Black Keep.  We'll get answers out of them there."

Fear trickles down Riz's spine.  After the Forest of the Nightmare King, he's not fond of places with names like the Black Keep.

"Wait!" Adaine shouts desperately.  "I'm the Oracle.  If there's a war, maybe my friends and I can help!"

The soldier pauses.  "What proof do you have of these claims?"

"You have us under Zone of Truth," she pleads, "I couldn't tell a lie if I tried."

"She's telling the truth," Riz adds, "We don't want any problems."

The soldier purses their lips.  "Are you requesting an audience with the Bright Queen?  Ridiculous," they scoff.  "We have enough outsiders to deal with as it is."

They wave a hand dismissively and the other soldiers soldiers start to drag them away.  A new figure steps into the light as Riz silently prepares to try and break free, stopping the soldiers in their tracks.

"Quilraen," the strangers says, "I thought you were on leave."  His words are pleasant enough, but there's an undercurrent of something cutting and smug.

"Shadowhand," Quilraen tightly, a forced smile that looks more like a grimace sliding onto their face.  "How fare your... charges?"

"They are well," Shadowhand answers pleasantly.  He flicks his gaze over Riz and his friends, eyes analytical and somewhat cold.  Despite this, Riz doesn't think he's a threat to them.  At least, he doesn't want to harm them.  "Although I must say that the Bright Queen will not be pleased to hear that you're withholding possible assets to the war effort."

Quilraen's face turns a dangerous shade of purple.  "And what would you have me do?  Allow these," they sweep their hand at the Bad Kids, "children to speak to our Lady with the same disrespect they have shown me?"

"I'm sure they know when and to whom they ought to show respect," Shadowhand says coolly.  He turns to Adaine.  "You truly are an oracle?"

"Yes sir," she says.

"And you think both you and your companions can be of use to our war effort?"

"Yes," Adaine says without hesitation.

Shadowhand studies her for a moment. "Then I think you ought to meet the Queen after all."

"Fuck yeah, man, take us to your leader," Kristen cheers.

Shadowhand's brow pinches slightly, but he leads them out of the chamber, leaving a fuming Quilraen in their wake.

Notes:

the bright queen's soldiers: whose lost children are these?
the bad kids: go fuck yourself cops!