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“There’s been so little time to share. We’ve always had our loads to bear.”
The odds had always been stacked against them, hadn’t they?
Ever since they had started at the Archives everything had gone wrong. First, came the crazed worm queen, Jane Prentiss, who’d nearly killed them all; would’ve if not for Sasha's heroics. Then everything afterwards with a paranoid Jon, an angry Tim, Sasha dead and taken over by a monster. The thing with Elias too, and The Unknowing and with Peter and the Extinction. The world had tried so many times to end them both; but it hadn’t . Not yet at least.
One would think that with all that had happened, it’d be impossible to start a relationship in the middle of it all. Somehow though it seemed natural, two lives converging, two lives coming together after Jon saving Martin from the Lonely. They’d both had feelings for a while; Martin being the more open about it of the two of them, Jon struggling to voice his feelings out of fear. They were all the other had . Things were bad yes, but Martin had Jon and Jon had Martin.
They enjoyed the peace and safety of the safe house, until the world went dreadfully wrong, and the safe house wasn’t safe. And Jon? Jon became different. He’d always had something following him; growing inside him, trying to make him something else. And for a while, he’d mostly managed to avoid the effects. But now, now he was the Archivist, beholder, seer of all, causer of the apocalypse. The monster he’d never wanted to be.
Martin knew it wouldn’t last forever. They were in the middle of a bloody apocalypse for crying out loud! An apocalypse partly of their own volition. And trying to fix it, to bring the world back to how it was before, before the fears corrupted their world, would take a large price. It wouldn’t be as simple as “a kiss, and the push a button that just magically saves the world and makes everything better,” as he himself had said.
“I won’t leave you. This time, this time.”
Jon had done it. All Martin’s fears and dread had become reality. He had forgone the plan that they and the others had cooked up in favor of guilt and hubris . And now they were literally about to die. Martin hated him. No, that wasn’t right, he didn’t. Martin still loved him. Martin still loved him!
Jon was pleading, “I can’t protect you from this. Go!”
Martin just shook his head, decision made. Martin still loved him. “I’m not leaving you trapped here killing the world while I watch!”
“If you stay, you’ll die!” And Jon, the all-powerful Archivist, looks about ready to cry. This was tearing them apart.
Martin kneels next to Jon. He will not leave him. "Then I’ll die!” he says firmly.
Jon just shakes his head, a few tears leaking out of his eyes, "No!
The Panopticon is crumbling around them. Georgie and Melanie must’ve been successful. A small mercy at least. A piece of falling rubble strikes Martin and it’s the straw that breaks the camel’s back and next thing he knows he’s sobbing. He cries. He cries for that fact that the world hated them. He cries for the fact that he and Jon hadn't had enough time. He cries and he morns and pours out all the emotions he had to keep hidden as they travel. And Jon’s right there; he wraps his arms around him and holds him through it. Martin’s pretty sure he’s also crying.
Jon whispers into his hair, “Martin, please! I can’t lose you. Not like this…”
Martin pulls back, just enough to look him in the eyes. “Tough! Okay? Where you go, I go !”
“Goodbye my love, yet shed no tears The lives we've shared have brought us here.”
“Do it! The knife’s just there. Let them go.”
No! No! Oh please, whoever's up there, please, don’t make me do this! Martin shakes his head. He feels about ready to cry again. “I’m not going to kill you!”
Jon persists, “Cut the tether. Send them away.” Then seeing the terror on Martin’s face, he grabs both of his hands squeezing tightly. “Maybe we both die. Probably. But maybe not. Maybe, maybe everything works out, and we end up somewhere else.”
Martin’s voice wavers. “Together?”
Jon nods, “One way or another. Together.”
His surety is the only thing gets Martin to pick put the knife. It’s cold and everything about touching it feels wrong. Once it's in his hands, Martin starts to cry again. Martin still loves him. How could he kill the one he loves? “ I don’t think I can…”
Jon cuts him off, voice firm. “ It has to be you. The Eye won’t let me do it.”
He’s sobbing now. “Are you sure about this?”
“No,” Jon states. Martin’s about to say something else, when Jon continues, "but I love you.”
Martin’s response is immediate. “I love you too.” He’s not sure who leans in first, but then they kiss. The kiss is familiar but also different in a way because it’s also a kiss goodbye. Goodbye in case they both die. In case Jon’s wrong.
In the middle of the kiss, Martin remembers the knife and in a brief moment of bravery, stabs . Jon gasps. There’s blood everywhere, all over the knife, all over Martin, dripping down Jon. Martin sobs but does not flinch, does not leave the sobbing, bleeding Archivist. Instead, Martin grips him tight as the Panopticon comes down around them.
“I will stay by your side. I’ll hold on through, this time, this time.”