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English
Series:
Part 8 of Dream Plane's Flights of Fancy
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Published:
2024-01-19
Completed:
2024-04-24
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1,375
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2/2
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A Week in the Life of Aviathor

Summary:

Mjolnir is a trusty weapon, there is no question about that. However, it makes a very odd aircraft. Treating it as such presents a unique set of challenges.
WARNING: Lots of oddly-specific nerdy humor ahead.

By Dream Plane

Chapter 1

Chapter Text

Squawk Report

"Eitri, Brokkr, I have a squawk to report."

The two dwarves froze, their work forgotten in their confusion. Remembering his manners, Eitri put down his hammer and bowed. "A.. squawk, milord?" he asked tentatively.

Brokkr snorted. "If you have a quarrel with one of your father's ravens, your highness, it would be best to discuss it with him, not us," he snapped.

"No, I am not talking about birds! I mean a squawk, a defect in Mjolnir. It is a Midgardian term." Thor chuckled apologetically.

"Ah." Eitri looked unconvinced but pressed the matter no further. "And what is this defect?"

Thor showed them his hammer. "As you can see, my friends, the handle is rather short, which sometimes makes Mjolnir difficult to catch. There is also a risk of it slipping out of my grasp while it is in flight," he explained. He winced as he remembered an incident where, upon calling Mjolnir to him for the first time, the hammer slipped out of his grip and smashed into a column. More terrifying than the safety lecture Odin had given him afterward, his brother and friends had teased him mercilessly for nearly a month.

Eitri scrutinized the weapon. "We will see what we can do about it," he replied diplomatically.

A few days later, Mjolnir was returned from the dwarves' forge. To Thor's dismay, the handle was wrapped in a squishy and obnoxiously neon yellow material that seemed suspiciously Midgardian in nature. The hammer was accompanied by a note scrawled on a slip of parchment.

We regret that we have not been able to adjust the length of the handle due to structural failures that may result from the alteration. Therefore, we have replaced the leather on the handle with the material known as 'bicycle handlebar tape' that was so kindly provided by your brother. We hope that your hammer will be easier for your highness to grip.

"LOKIIIIIII?!"

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Icing Testing

A chill wind howled through the vast plain. Thor gripped Mjolnir and glared at Loki. The trickster grinned mischievously and aimed the casket of ancient winters at his brother.

"No matter what you say, the might of Mjolnir is stronger than the magic in that box," Thor warned.

Loki's grin only became more malicious. "We shall see," he replied simply.

Thor flung the hammer at his brother with a roar. The trickster swiftly retaliated by engulfing Mjolnir in ice. He stepped aside as it flew past him and tsked as it landed on the ground with a muffled thump.

"Impressive, but it seems that Mjolnir did not fly as far as your calculations predicted. Perhaps Stark was right. You should install a heating device on Mjolnir," he said. He smirked. "Or, perhaps it is best to refrain from flying in icing conditions altogether."

Thor pouted.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

The Common Enemy

"Sorry buddy, but you'll need to get your hammer registered. I hate regulations too, but you don't want to get slapped with a fine, or even worse, jail time," Tony said.

Thor nodded. "You are right. It would be remiss of me to not follow the mandates of your Federal Aviation Administration," he said gravely.

The two Avengers read the certification forms with growing dismay. "How does Mjolnir fly anyway? It doesn't use fuel, and I doubt that magic is an acceptable propulsion category," Tony said, "I suppose it could be called electric, but that's not even a type category."

"And what of the bill of sale your authorities require? My father and I have no written proof of Mjolnir's purchase. Though it would pain me to do so, perhaps I could send them the enchanted thread that the dwarves used to bind my brother's lips shut?" Thor asked hopefully.

"Oh no-no-no, absolutely not! You're NOT sending that to the FAA!" Tony gagged in disgust.

Three months (and many negotiations and hefty payments from Tony) later, Thor returned to battle with a garish "EXPERIMENTAL" decal emblazoned on Mjolnir's side.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

A/N: These drabbles are the result of a discussion between my dad, sister, and me last week (we're all aviation geeks). Unlike the first two, the last one is based on mythology and the comics.

Chapter 2

Chapter Text

Lightning Testing

“Thank you for coming to help us, Thor. I honestly can’t wait to see how your lightning compares to our simulations.”

Thor beamed at the Stark Industries test engineer in front of him. “Aye, your testing methods are most fascinating. The Man of Iron told me much about them on the way here,” he said. He looked at the new quinjet sitting in the testing bay.  “That is a fine machine. I am almost afraid to ruin it.”

The engineer chuckled. “Actually, we wouldn’t mind if you destroy it. It would give us a great idea of its limitations. Besides, we built a few duplicates just in case,” he said.

Thor nodded. “Your consideration for safety pleases me greatly. I am sure that my fellow Avengers would want nothing but the best for their flying crafts,” he said.

Thor was attentive during the pre-test briefing, often raising his hand to ask surprisingly thorough questions about the procedure. “So, you wish for me to summon lightning and transfer it to the aircraft by putting Mjolnir in contact with the leading edge of the right wingtip?” he asked, remembering the technical terms Tony had drilled into his mind during the drive to the facility.

“Yes, exactly. Nothing fancy,” the engineer confirmed.

Thor’s eyes glinted eagerly. He entered the testing chamber while the rest of the crew took cover in an observation room. He gripped Mjolnir and strode up to the airplane as if it were a giant foe, grinning in anticipation as the countdown began.

“Three, two, one-.”

“HAVE AT THEE, QUINJET!” Thor roared, leaping into the air. There was a blinding flash of lightning and a deafening peal of thunder followed by dead silence.

Thor laughed and turned to the shocked observers who peered through the window as if frozen. “I trust that the test went well?” he asked.

“Well?! You cooked it, you big palooka,” an old engineer with aviator glasses exclaimed from the corner.

Thor turned back to the quinjet and frowned. All that remained of the hapless right wing was a melted stump. “Ah… clearly my lightning exceeded your tolerances,” he mused. He grinned sheepishly. “Well, I suppose you now know what happens when a quinjet is struck by a thunder god?”

… … … … … … … …

Supersonic

Tony thoughtfully watched the video he had recorded of Thor flying over the ocean. “I’ve gotta say, Mjolnir’s speed is impressive! You’ll have no trouble with flying side by side with a hypersonic missile, Thor,” he said.

Thor glowed with pride and patted his hammer lovingly.

Loki snorted. “Impressive? Perhaps, but the shock wave-,”

“Vapor cone,” Tony interjected.

Loki rolled his eyes. “The vapor cone makes Thor look like he is wearing one of Agent Romanoff’s tutus,” he said.

Tony wheezed, and Thor’s hands sparked dangerously. “You take that back, Loki!” he growled.

“No, no, he’s got a point! I’m sending this to Nat,” Tony chortled.

“You wouldn’t dare!” Thor gasped.

A few minutes later, at a farmhouse halfway across the country, Nat received Tony’s video with the following caption:

Got a ballet student candidate for you.

“Oh, Tony,” the spy groaned, even as she went to show the message to Clint and Laura.

… … … … … … … …

A/N: Hello! I have returned with my nonsense, even though I was pretty sure that this fic wouldn’t get another chapter. XD I based the first drabble on a flight test engineer’s description of one kind of lightning test (apparently the probe he used can blow a pretty big hole in a carbon fiber control surface). The second one is based on a sleep-deprived observation I made while watching supersonic flight videos. The way one plane’s vapor cone was positioned made it look like it was wearing a platter tutu lol.

Have a virtual shawarma if you guessed who the old engineer is based on! I stole his insult from a Captain America story that was written by Stan Lee for one of the first Captain America issues in 1941. Apparently it was inspired by a really old comic about a clumsy boxer named Joe Palooka. XD

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