Archive of Our Own ^beta

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The morning started as it normally did, Akutagawa waking up at 5am, getting ready for the day, forgetting to eat as always, hating on his body. The binder compressed tightly against his ribs, making his breathing problems more difficult. He was now dating Atsushi, but, he hasn’t told him about being transgender yet. He’s too scared, he is scared that Atsushi will leave him for not being a real man. 

he was getting into the shower, before noticing the blood that stained his pants, he swore under his breath, he just cleaned these pants. He swore he kept track of his cycle, it came 5 days earlier then it was supposed! He wishes so badly he could be a guy, with guy parts, not boobs and a vagina. It sucks, getting a period every month, going on a mission and getting super bad cramps. he only uses tampons because he does not want to wear woman’s underwear ever again.

one time when he was on a mission with Dazai, he doesn’t have anything for his voice to make it deeper. He had gotten hurt, yelling out, his tone sounding just like a girl. He was terrified Dazai would find out, like how Atsushi almost did. When Atsushi and him were on a mission and arguing, he yelled something and his voice went a few pitches higher.

later that day, at 2pm, Dazai called him, saying he has a mission with Atsushi, he has already had the worst period cramps ever, being active will make them worse. Expect, he would never disobey Dazai. When he had arrived there, Dazai was praising atsushi for getting a cat from a tree, when Kunikida did mos for the work.

later on the mission, Akutagawa was getting tired, his ability getting weaker as he did, he hadn’t eaten as he had forgotten to, his cramps were getting worse by the minute, he wants to crumble up and die in a ball, Dazai looked at him, his glare being dark and cold

“god you’re weak” 

he looked back, glaring, really grumpy and in a horrible mood now, “Oh, I’m sorry, were you talking to yourself? Because I don’t see you doing shit while me and Atsushi work out assess off!” He practically screamed at him, really just not in a good mood or attitude to be insulted.

“god, didn’t know you were bratty as well” 

he scoffed 

“didn’t notice you were a bitch.”

Dazai glared, scoffing 

“didn’t notice you were a piece of shit”

Akutagawa looked at him, trying to not attack Dazai, clenching his fists so tight that his palms started bleeding, and there it goes again, his fucking voice went higher like a girl 

“when I look at you, you remind me to take trash out”

Dazai looked confused “why does your voice do that? It goes high and then back to low, and it’s no way it’s voice cracks because it happens way to often now”

”I don’t see how any of that is your concern Dazai.” He turned back to the mission, helping Atsushi again, Dazai glared. Akutagawa never spoke back to him, he only obeyed him, it was probably Chuuyas doing, telling Akutagawa to not trust him, to not obey him. fucking Chuuya. 

Akutagawa heloped attack the guy with Atsushi, they defeated him rather quickly, Dazai actually seemed impressed, then he spoke 

“wow, good job, Akutagawa, you too Atsushi” Dazai.. he was praising him? The moment finally happened, he felt so light headed, his throat burned, his lungs closing up as he started coughing. Pain shooting down his body, his stomach aching. Before he knew it, everything went black. He fell unconscious into Atsushis arms, Atsushi caught him the second he fell down, lifting him up, then carrying him, back to their house.

when he awoke, he was cuddled up to Atsushis chest, no pain in his lower stomach or back, thankfully, Atsushi was holding him close, his arms wrapped around Akutagawas waist, he had his head buried into Akatagawas shoulder. The tv was still on, indicating Atsushi was watching a movie or tv show before falling asleep. His phone was on the nightstand, getting notifications but he couldn’t reach, so he couldn’t not look at the notifications 

“sleep..” Atsushi said in a rough and sleepy voice, god it was hot, Akutagawa loved his morning voice so much, he was able to glance at his phone, at.. it was 3am, Akutagawa still felt so tired, then he realized he hadn’t changed his tampon since yesterday before the mission, “Atsushi, I have to get up for a minute” atsushi losned his grip on Akutagawa, letting him up and go to the bathroom.

Akutagawa went back to the bed afterwards, cuddling into Atsushis chest, he loved being little spoon, he felt safe and protected by the tiger this way, like nothing could ever harm him, he would always have Atsushi as a shield to prove him and keep him safe. Atsushis hands snuck around his waist again, pulling him close, keeping him there, now Akutagawa wished this would last forever.

but.. he’ll be gone soon, and atsushi will be left alone. He’ll be alone again.

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The morning started off the same as always. The lights dim as Ryunosuke walked through the halls of his apartment, his head throbbing from the lack of water. He had multiple things he had to complete that day, such as running arrands, a mission and then coming to clean his home. He flicks the bathroom light on, flinching slightly at the brightness. He stares at his chest, seeing the small lumps forming beneath his t-shirt. He hated it, the way he looked. He wished he was born the way he wanted to be. 
He runs a hand through his hair, before rubbing his face. He switches the handle on, listening to the slow flow of tap water. Splash, splash, splash. The noise is calming, more than anything had been in weeks. He splashes the water onto his face, in hopes that it will wake him up. As the towel runs of his pale skin, the fluff and warmth of it calms him for a few moments. Grounding him into the moment. He was tired, Mori had all of the members running on missions non-stop. You went on a mission, go back and left for another one the same day. 
   He stares at his face once again, the eyes that stare back don’t feel like his. He takes his shirt off, to change. He stops, staring at his bare chest, he hated it. More than anything. Why did he have to be cursed in such a way? 

The morning passed slowly. He finished his arrands early. He was expecting he’d be able to sit on his couch for a while, watch tv. He had started his period while he was out. His stomach was cramping like he owed it something. His mood had been pissy since then. He was tired, irritable and very.. very annoyed with everything. Especially annoyed when he got a phone call. Bring! Bring! Bring! He groaned, grabbing his phone from the desk and flipping it up. Dazai. Of course.

”Yes Dazai-san?” He asked, sitting up slightly. 
“Akutagawa! Yes, I need you for a mission.” His voice, as cheerful as ever annoyed Ryunosuke to no end. 
“Of course Dazai-san.” He responded, he couldn’t be disrespectful just because he was annoyed. 
“Perfect! I’ll expect you at the agency in 20 minutes.” The phone beeped after he said that. It was no question, it was a demand. 

he groaned once again, his relax time was now cut short. 

“I have to work with him??” Atsushi yelled, seeing Akutagawa standing there.

“The feeling is mutual.” He said. Crossing his arms. “I don’t want to work with you anymore you do me.” 

“Why do you talk like that?” Atsushi asked.

”like what?”

”like a Victorian child or not even that! Those old English people.” Atsushi’s hands flew out to accommodate what he was saying as Ryunosuke stared at him. 

“And why do you look like a cat?” He was looking to bite. 

“I am not a cat! I’m a tiger!” Atsushi yelled.

“Tigers are a cat.” He deadpanned. 

“What?” Atsushi stared. 

“Tigers are a cat. The biggest species to the felines.” Ryunosuke stated. Atsushi stared is disbelief. “You really are uneducated.”

“Come on now you two! Stop fighting like girls.” Dazai said, throwing his arm around both boys. Ryunosuke glared. 

“What has you in such a.. horrible mood?” Dazai asked, pulling back slightly. “I know you are a grumpy person but not that grumpy.” 

Dazai is annoying. That much was painfully obvious but today. He had been even more annoying than normal. Everything he said made Ryunosuke want to yell at him, snap. He held back, as snapping so fast would be considered as weak, no self control. Everything he had tried to say, got cut off by Atsushi or Dazai himself. It was annoying the absolute hell out of Ryunosuke. 

“Dazai-san!” Ryunosuke cringed at his own voice crack. Going from his normal low tone to a medium pitch, since before he had became a man, he never had a very high voice. 
Dazai knew of his insecurity. It was thankfully one thing Dazai didn’t comment on, since he knew the impact. Ryunosuke hoped he did, considering he was married to Chuuya, who was a trans man. 

“Yes?” He responded, turning his body towards the younger male. 

“What is the mission even going to be?” He asked, his voice felt tight. Trying to surpess any vocal cracks. 

“You and Atsushi will be finding out soon! Now, I’ll give you the cordiantes for the location!” He smiled. Grabbing a piece of paper. 

Whatever. He had to sufferer through one more mission with the weretiger. It may as well be his last with how his throat has been lately. He had been coughing more, blood coming up sooner. He still was refusing to speak of his illness. No one needed to know. No one needed to pity him. No. He just needed to be stronger, to gain Dazai’s approval than his goal will be complete. Yet.. he couldn’t bring himself to stop thinking of the dreading feeling he has had.

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Hello my loves! This is not a real chapter sadly, but I am possibly thinking of continuing this work. I just wouldn’t know much to put on it. So, would you like a continuation of this story? If so, please leave some ideas in the comments!