Work Text:
The tricky thing is yesterday we were just children
Playing soldiers, just pretending
“Pei-xiong!” Rong Guang yells, picking up the discarded stick from the forest floor. “Again?”
Pei Ming pushes his hair away from his face, forehead slick with sweat. “Again? Haven’t you had enough?”
“I haven’t won yet,” Rong Guang says, smirking. “You aren’t ready for what’s coming this time.”
“And that’s what, the fifth time you’ve said that?” Pei Ming says, mirroring his crooked grin. “Good luck.”
Rong Guang heaves a dramatic sigh, but readies his stance. Pei Ming spins his grip on the stick, holding it out like a sword. When Rong Guang jumps at him again, he easily dodges, his ponytail flicking in Rong Guang’s face.
Rong Guang sputters, choking out, “Can you please get your hair somewhere else?”
Pei Ming just laughs, jabbing at Rong Guang with his stick again. “That’s part of the fun!” Besides, all the village ladies say his hair is nice--and he’s only eleven years old.
So they keep fighting, sticks slamming against one another. The sap from the stick (it’s pine, Pei Ming thinks), is still there, and his hands get sticky in the summer heat. Still, he gets Rong Guang pinned against a tree in no time, both of them breathing heavily.
Pei Ming throws down his sword. “Alright, maybe we should go inside now?”
Rong Guang rolls his eyes, but tosses his stick into the underbrush lining the clearing. “Yeah. It’s kinda hot, anyway.”
It is absurdly hot, but Pei Ming doesn’t complain. It’s summer, anyway, what should he be expecting? Snow?
Dreaming dreams with happy endings
In backyards, winning battles with our wooden swords
“How do you do it?” Pei Ming asks. He’s eight years old, and it’s one of the rare evenings that his father is home. He works in the guard for the King of Xuli, and even when he is home, he mostly dotes on Pei Ming’s three older sisters.
But Pei Ming has his father all to himself tonight.
“What do you mean?” His father asks, motioning for him to come sit beside him on the bench. The night sky is speckled with stars, but the fire in the lanterns hanging from the garden trellis blot out most of their light.
“Fighting. Doesn’t it hurt, sometimes?” Pei Ming looks up into his father’s eyes, but his father isn’t looking at him.
“Sometimes,” his father responds, staring away into the distance. “But you just keep walking.”
What if your legs are broken ? Pei Ming thinks, but doesn’t ask. How can you walk, then?
But now we've stepped into a cruel world
Where everybody stands and keeps score
(Keep your eyes open)
Rong Guang wipes the blood off his face, his sword too smeared with blood and dirt for Pei Ming to bear looking at it. “Do you think we got all of them-”
One of the fallen soldiers stands up from behind Rong Guang, drawing his sword-
Pei Ming slashes across his chest in one quick, sharp movement. “Yeah. I think we got all of them.”
The sun is setting, and it should be beautiful, but it isn’t. The streaks of vibrant orange and pink painted across the clouds are too close in resemblance to the blood staining Pei Ming’s hands and clothes.
Pei Ming looks off into the distance, at the rest of their unit approaching. He’s twenty-three, and his country is at war. But he doesn’t mind. It gives him something to do, at least. And he’s with Rong Guang, so it isn’t the worst-case scenario.
“Captain!” One of the soldiers yells. “That was amazing, you just cut down all of them-”
Pei Ming waves him off. “Let’s get back to camp. It’ll be dark soon.”
Rong Guang smiles in the dim light. “It was pretty amazing.” He looks over the rest of the unit, talking amongst themselves, laughing, passing around a flask. War changes you, but it also doesn’t. “You’re a good leader, you know.”
“I guess,” Pei Ming says, calmly wiping the blood off his hands. “They just listen to me. I don’t know why.”
Pei Ming can’t see it, but Rong Guang is staring into the sunset, eyes sharp, contemplating.
War changes you. But you just keep walking.
There’s still blood under Pei Ming’s fingernails, and he picks at them on the walk back, until it’s too dark to see.
Everybody's waiting for you to break down
Everybody's watching to see the fallout
Even when you're sleeping
Keep your eyes open
Yushi Huang is sitting on the roof of the palace, bare feet dangling off the edge. The sun shines, causing her eyelashes to sparkle. Her mother asked her to put on a hat before going outside, but she just didn’t want to; the sun is so bright and makes the contrast between bright areas and shadows so much stronger.
Yushi Huang finds it beautiful--both the light and the dark.
“What the heck are you doing up there ?” One of her sisters calls from down below. “Get down.”
Yushi Huang doesn’t look at her, turning her face up to the sun, letting it settle into the skin. “No.”
She doesn’t see her sister turn away, scoffing. She has the best seat in the city , just high enough for her to peer over the palace walls and into the marketplace below. She can’t hear the people, but she can almost feel their voices, haggling, arguing, nagging. It’s beautiful. It all is.
“Your highness! It’s almost time for supper!”
The sun isn’t even setting.
“No,” Yushi Huang says. “I don’t want to.”
Someone reaches for her ankle. She can’t see who it is, but she flinches anyway. She isn’t sure why. Their hands aren’t cold, or wet, or slimy. It’s just wrong.
“Don’t touch me,” Yushi Huang says calmly, still not looking. She doesn’t really want to know who it is.
The hand brushes her ankle again.
“I said stop !” Yushi Huang says, tears welling in the corner of her eyes. She pushes herself to her feet. She looks down. The hand belonged to one of her sisters. Two other sisters are standing behind her, failing to conceal their laughter.
“ I said stop!!!” one of them mocks, making her voice all squeaky.
“Don’t be such a baby ,” the one who grabbed her ankle says. “You need to get down.”
Yushi Huang reaches her arms down, pressing her palms into the smooth tiles of the roof. Her feet are bare, so they easily suction to the tiles as she draws back, climbing higher and higher.
“What the hell,” one of her sisters says. “She’s such a weirdo.” They walk off, laughing.
Baby. The word stings in Yushi Huang’s chest, almost as much as their touch. She lifts her eyes over the palace walls. Sometimes her castle feels more like a cage.
So here you are, two steps ahead and staying on guard
Every lesson forms a new scar
They never thought you'd make it this far
“You want to do what ?” Pei Ming says, his voice an angry whisper. “This is trickery, it isn’t--we shouldn’t--”
“Don’t you want to win this war?” Rong Guang’s eyes are wild. This isn’t how it’s supposed to be.
“Of course I want to win, but I just--”
“We need to do this, Pei-xiong. Don’t you want to go home?”
“To what ?” There’s nothing left. He’s already buried his father. His sisters; one of them is married off, one ran away with some farmer boy, and the other is dead.
“There’s always something to go home to,” Rong Guang said. “Or just, you know, peace. It’s been so long.”
“I’m well aware of how long it’s been,” Pei Ming says, sharply. But he doesn’t know anything else. He doesn’t know anything beyond bloodshed and battle tactics, and sometimes, he doesn’t want to.
“Then why won’t you just listen?” Rong Guang says, placing his hands down on the map on the table. Pei Ming turns away from him, facing the wall. The room is dimly lit. “I thought you wanted to be a leader.”
“I am a leader,” Pei Ming says. “But I’m not that . I’m not what you want me to be.”
“Someone has to do it!” Rong Guang exclaims. “You just-”
“I really don’t want to talk about this anymore,” Pei Ming says. “Can’t we-”
But Rong Guang isn’t listening, and it’s already too late.
But turn around
Oh, they've surrounded you, it's a showdown
And nobody comes to save you now
But you've got something they don't
You just gotta keep your eyes open
“Her?” Rong Guang says, breathless. He’s holding a knife to someone’s throat, but the air is too blurry for Pei Ming to be able to tell who.
And everything hurts.
“Yeah. Her,” Pei Ming says, distracted, watching the woman in green descend the palace steps, bare feet peeking out from the hems of her dress. “Princess Yushi Huang-”
“Queen,” Rong Guang says, awestruck. “Queen Yushi Huang.”
Yushi Huang doesn’t look back. The ground is cold under her feet, and for once, she actually minds. Yulong is heavy by her side.
This wasn’t the plan , Pei Ming thinks. But the plan, it’s just-
It hurts. It really hurts. There’s still blood under his fingernails.
But you just keep walking.
Everyone is dead.
Yushi Huang steps closer to Pei Ming, and there’s only a few feet between them, but it feels like miles. “General Pei,” she says calmly.
The rest is hazy. Pei Ming remembers Yushi Huang kowtowing three times. Each time, it drives another stake into his heart. Rong Guang’s presence beside him is like a lit match, burning Pei Ming to the core.
Yushi Huang stands, finally. She didn’t want this. She turns her face up to the light. The sun is still so, so beautiful, casting long shadows over the entire Xuli army. No one from Yushi escorted her here. She wanted to be alone.
Now, she’s not so sure.
Yulong is heavy in her hands, and the ground is cold under her feet.
Pei Ming is watching her carefully, his heart in his throat.
The thing they don’t tell you about killing yourself? It fucking hurts. It stings, the sword acidic, threatening to burn her to the core. She can’t see much. There’s only blood.
In the distance, a pair of violet eyes is left haunted.
Everybody's waiting for you to break down
Everybody's watching to see the fallout
“And your name is?” the Princess Yushi Huang says, smiling softly.
“General Pei Ming,” Pei Ming says. Beside him, Rong Guang scoffs.
“This is a waste of time,” Rong Guang says.
Pei Ming ignores him, catching the princess by the wrist. “Who might you be?”
Neither of the men notice, but Yushi Huang tries hard not to shrink away from his bare skin on her wrist. After a moment, Pei Ming lets go, and she silently thanks him.
Rong Guang rolls his eyes, as the two of them walk away. This whole ‘peace delegation’ is a bullshit idea, and isn't not going to accomplish anything. Yushi and Xuli have been at war for so long, that it’s ridiculous to think one night of dancing and drinks between the rich could get them anywhere.
And Pei Ming-
Well, all night, he’s celebrated. For his beauty, his strength. He dances with all of Yushi Huang’s fifteen sisters at least once, but his eyes never leave the one with the green eyes and sun-kissed skin.
Rong Guang watches from the corner, feeling complicated. It’s not that Pei Ming doens’t deserve the attention, he does , because he’s young and talented and charismatic. But Rong Guang can’t help but wish that someone looked at him.
It’s like he can do 80% of what Pei Ming can do, in everything . Battle, swordsmanship, girls, parties. Pei Ming shines, and Rong Guang just watches.
But he’s not stupid. He knows there’s a way this can be used for the better of everyone, and he, at least, won’t be blinded by green-eyed beauties.
Even when you're sleeping, sleeping
Keep your eyes open
“It’s beautiful here,” Pei Ming says, tucked into the corner of the garden. “Your palace, I mean.’
“I suppose,” Yushi Huang says. “Some might say that.”
“And you don’t?”
“A castle is nothing more than a cage,” Yushi Huang says. She’s looking up at the stars.
Keep your feet ready
Heartbeat steady
Keep your eyes open
“You wrote that essay,” Pei Ming says. “Not Xuli.”
“Yes,” Jing Wen’s deputy says. “What about it?”
“Shouldn’t you be doing something better than delivering gifts, then? It was good, I read it. My friend really loved it, too.”
“I’m surprised you can read,” the deputy says, deadpan. “You can take it up with Jing Wen, but good luck.”
“What did you say your name was?” Pei Ming says.
“I didn’t,” the deputy responds.
“Well, then, what is it?”
“Nangong Jie,” she says.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Nangong Jie.”
Nangong Jie rolls her eyes, but smiles. “Then, would you mind helping me out?”
Pei Ming doesn’t know it at the time, but Nangong Jie (or Ling Wen), reminds him of Rong Guang. The same drive. They’re the kind of person to see the flaws in the system and take initiative.
Pei Ming isn’t like that.
Keep your aim locked
The night goes dark
Keep your lights open
Pei Ming draws his sword for the last time, but he doesn’t know it yet. “What the hell, Rong-xiong,” he says,surveying the scene around them. It’s nearly too horrible to think of, except he’s right there, and faced with the reality that Rong Guang has bathed the room in blood. “This isn’t what you said we would-”
Rong Guang’s eyes are fiery. “Just this once, won’t you just listen? It’s not always about you!”
“I’ve never tried to make it about me!” Pei Ming screams, but inside, he’s sobbing.
“ Really ?” Rong Guang says, scathing. “To hell with your morals and duty, it’s never going to get anyone anywhere! You’re so eager to do as you’re told, and yet, when it actually matters, you decide to run away.”
“I’m not running away ! I’m trying to stop you from killing anyone else! You’ve gone insane!” Pei Ming yells. There’s still blood under his fingernails.
“You could have been a king !”
There’s silence.
“A castle is nothing more than a cage,” Pei Ming says. So quietly, Rong Guang barely hears it. A pair of green eyes, and a spray of freckles dance across his mind’s eye.
Everybody's waiting for you to break down
Everybody's watching to see the fallout
Even when you're sleeping, sleeping
Keep your eyes open