Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“It’s time for you to return home, not for her but for yourself. You need to nourish, not only blood but warmth – love – happiness. They say family is the most important thing in life and there is truth to it.”
I tightened my grip around the stirring wheel and narrowed my eyes. Not because I needed to focus, my vision and reflexes were unnaturally quick, but because I suddenly felt a hunger. Intuitively I sped up, though it was quite dark on the road.
9:43 pm. I’d driven for 6 and a half hours non-stop already. If I was still a human, I would have taken a break from driving 10 miles ago already. I would have by now ingested the 3rd coffee, the second sandwich, nervously sweating in both a caffeine rush, nervousness, and perhaps tummy ache from the bad tuna. I would have caused a major traffic accident due to my not sturdy way of driving. I wouldn’t have left my house and never went on this trip. If I was still a human; no, if I was still alive, I would be so very afraid of what’s ahead of me, drowning in self-conscious thoughts and anxious paralysis.
It seems like that’s the biggest advantage of being a vampire: The lack of fear and responsibility. Over time everything becomes the same. If you haven’t felt trapped in your human life already, it all just becomes more gray and clouded in your transformed existence. And after a while it all becomes irrelevant, sort of normal - all the cruelty and pain, the sad crying and angry screaming - it just vanishes from your repertoire of feelings. Not only do the negative emotions seem to disappear without a trace but also the positive ones. Compassion, Hope, Love. I know what these words mean, what they’re supposed to express and feel like. But I can’t remember when I’ve last felt either of these. I have felt numb before but the past 5 years it became a constant state of mind.
I moved my head, clenched my jaw, and sat up more straight. Still, about 20 miles until I reached my hometown. Since I was heading down the highway by night and the roads were not very busy, I could easily crash my car into someone else’s, feed off them, and leave before anyone took notice. I’d make a run for it through the woods until I found another victim. Then another. And another.
I sighed.
Even if I’ve already fed off of hundreds, if not thousands of people in my vampire existence, a part of me resists thinking like this. One may call it morality. I’d know a better name: Billie. My sister is the one small spark inside of me that wouldn’t let me become a ruthless blood-sucking monster. Sure, I haven’t talked to her in years. Before my transformation, we’d already grown more and more apart - ever since I’d moved to Los Angeles the contact’s weakened. Yet she’s never left me. Her impact still stays within. After all, she is the reason I’m going back to Port Townsend, a small town I’ve once called home. I sure don’t know what that is anymore.
I growled. It was the hunger that distracted me. Once again a battle of past and present - memories of what I’ve lost and the brutal outcome of my decisions.
I floored the accelerator and looked out for the next best opportunity to hit another driver. The radio switched to the next song: Carnival of the Animals: The Swan. An elegant piece and such a tragically sarcastic choice of music for this kind of situation.
“Leland Lake Campground”, the next sign said. A campground, how convenient.
It was late April, the weather was mixed but mild, and rain wasn’t an uncommon thing in this area, so people wouldn’t mind spending a night outside camping. I would need to act quickly, there would surely be more than just one couple or a small family—
I hit the stirring wheel.
The closer I got to my old home, the more this kind of thought bothered me. It’s like something was screaming inside of me, saying “It’s wrong! Stop it, you’re hurting people! You’re hurting me!” - and I knew that it was the voice of my sister.
I slowed down. Not because I was being cautious but because a wave of doubts and consideration hit me. Why did I expect this to be an easy, furthermore right decision to go back home? Everything would come back. All the struggles, worries, tears, hate, and grief that I’ve once decided to escape would hit me in an instant. Why would I do that to myself? Why would I do that to her?
I never even thought of my parents. Mom’s always been a complicated woman and so was my father. Then again they were complicated in their ways. My mother would never lie to me, or us, she’d tell ugly truths and always see a comfort in them, too. She’d manage things I couldn’t have handled and let her negative feelings out in all the right places - never put anything on us children. I fear she’s had an addiction, though. As far as I can remember she became friends with a dark magic medic and that woman told her a bunch of shit, along with some potions that no one knew the effects or risk of.
My father on the other hand threw his anger around as if he had a massive amount of fury inside of him. He was a man of dissatisfaction and small-mindedness. All that mattered to him was his job, his money, and his reputation. Funny enough, I heard his ambitions in that regard never paid off, instead threw him into prison about 6 years ago.
Another sign, pointing to the left: “Leland Lake Campground”.
I slowed down further and turned the car, driving into a smaller road leading into the forest. I turned off the front lights since I didn’t want to draw any necessary attention and could still see perfectly fine after all.
After a moment of driving, I spotted the first car. It was unusual since there was supposed to be a parking lot for the camp itself. I figured they didn’t want to pay the parking fee and just stopped by the side of the road.
I turned off the radio as I finally became annoyed by listening to the same playlist on repeat for 7 hours. I frowned at the sudden silence which was only disturbed by the sound of the car engine and wheels on the rocky sand grounds. No uncommon sounds but it was like something was missing suddenly. At the same time, I felt some kind of richness inside of me. It’s not as if something was taken from me but added instead. It wasn’t a sound and it wasn’t something I’d spotted in the dark. It was more of a feeling. A kind of warmth and comfort.
All of a sudden the car lights turned on. My eyes couldn’t adjust quickly enough and I had to close them. To not run someone over by accident I stepped on the brakes until the car stood still. At the same time as I opened my eyes, the radio turned itself on again: Time in a Bottle by Jim Croce.
Confused, as I didn’t put this song into any of my playlists, I looked ahead again and froze in surprise.
A person was standing right in front of my car. Unbothered by the harsh light flashing at them and the fact I could have easily hit them. They just stood still as if they were waiting for my reaction. They didn’t seem tensed or in shock, on the contrary - they seemed relaxed. I narrowed my eyes to figure out their features since I still found it too damn light for my nightly trained eyes: A slim, masculine body shape. Light brown curls were elegantly framing the face with its distinctive jawline and cheekbones. The stranger’s skin looked soft as silk. Blue eyes. No smile on their lips but also no sign of aggression. Black clothing. Too fashionable and clean to be out here in the woods that late. An Enigma worker? Perhaps the camp wasn’t just any camping resort for nature lovers.
The person moved, folded their hands behind their back, and slowly approached my car. Still no rush, no pounding heart or sweat of fear. They moved like a lurking panther.
I moved as little as necessary to watch them, hands still on the stirring wheel. My eyes tried to figure out the motives while my thoughts were racing. I don’t know if it was the song, me trying to remember where I’d heard it first, what the lyrics meant, why it was suddenly playing. Who was this, what did they want from me and why were they here in the middle of nowhere? What was wrong with my car, how did I get into this situation in the first place and why am I thinking all of this if I already know the answer to every single question? At least it felt like I knew. The moment the person finally reached my side and our eyes met, it felt like I knew the answer to every single question that was inside my head. Even those I haven’t asked yet.
For a moment I could identify a change in those blue eyes in front of me - something confused them as much as me. The moment became an eternity for a second. Tilting the head and keeping up eye contact, the stranger granted me a slight yet soft smile. I moved my fingers around the stirring wheel. Then, almost automatically, I took one hand off to move the window down.
“Thank you”, the stranger said in a voice as warm and low as slowly dropping candle wax. “For not running me over. You seem to have fine reflexes.”
My mouth was dry all of a sudden. I wanted to take my eyes off of him but I couldn’t. It wasn’t a magic spell, it was pure charisma.
His smile turned into a smirk, he laughed quietly and leaned a bit further towards me.
“Interesting choice of music. Are you often driving through foreign forests with thoughtful 70s?”
“N-no”, I cleared my throat. I hadn’t spoken for 7 hours straight, it was just natural.
“Shame. It’s surely fun.”
He leaned back again and for the first time, I was able to smell him. A dark, woody, yet light and almost flowery scent. It was both at the same time, kind of hard to explain. I must have shaken my head in confusion because the stranger tilted his head again and observed me more interested.
“Now, the road doesn’t lead up anywhere. Camp’s closed for 30 years already. At least to visitors who are seeking a calm place to sleep. Sorry.”
This time I caught myself and replied more quickly, even if less elegant than my talking partner.
“I don’t need a place to sleep. But what are you doing here then?”
“Taking care of lost souls.”
There was something honest about his reply. It wasn’t just a mystical phrase. It could have easily been a threat. The kind that lures you in, so you voluntarily run into the knife. But there was more. There was truth in it. I somehow wanted to believe him, throw myself at him for him to save me - whatever that was supposed to mean.
And fuck, I was hungry.
Just at that moment, I noticed something else than the stranger’s sweet and rough scent: blood. A strong smell of blood. It couldn’t possibly only be his veins. It was way more and different kinds as well. I intuitively closed my eyes and growled quietly.
My instincts took over. Without hesitation, I let go of the stirring wheel and opened the car door, set my left foot out onto the ground, and—
Found myself in the car again.
Baffled, I looked aside. He was gone.
I looked around but there was no one, anywhere. The radio went quiet. Again, there was silence. I didn’t move for another minute until a foggy feeling went through my head and forced me to close my eyes. There was the sound of a familiar voice.
“Turn. Go back home.”
It wasn’t my sister’s voice. I shivered under an unknown sensation crawling along the back of my neck which felt both pleasant and dangerous at the same time.
Then the silence and clearness returned. I opened my eyes and looked around.
Unsure of why I’d even stopped, I turned the car and drove back onto the highway.
20 miles until Townsend.
20 miles until home.

Chapter Text

The last 20 miles flew by and suddenly I found myself in front of the big old wooden town sign of Port Townsend.
“So, this is it, huh?” I thought to myself, realizing I probably had changed way more than this 10,000-person tiny town. Of course, I’d changed more - I was leading a whole new life, not by decision.
I got out of my car, it was past 11 pm by now and pitch dark.
The first thing I noticed was the smell of the water. The fresh, cool breeze of salt water, mixed with wet earth from the surrounding woods. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. It did smell familiar and kind of like… home. A thousand memories of my long-forgotten childhood crossed my mind. I couldn’t hold a single one of them, they simply flew past too quickly and roughly. Instead of an expected melancholy or unexpected joy, there was - nothing. I opened my eyes again, frowning. 5 years of being a vampire, I somehow got used to the emotional numbness but I thought a place like this would make me feel at least something. But there was nothing at all.
A sigh of frustration escaped my mouth and I kicked a stone across the road, watching its movement, expecting it to kick off anything inside of me as well.
Disappointed, I turned to the sign. My eyes studied every letter, every inch of splintered wood and missing paint. It didn’t seem as if that sign received a lot of attention ever since I’ve left. It still looked the same, if not worse. This place had different struggles than restoring their town sign.
I took another deeper breath and looked down the road, which would lead me directly to the port. I didn’t have to go there, since I intended to visit my sister. But since it was late in the evening on a Thursday, I didn’t want to annoy her just yet. Admittedly, that wasn’t the only reason I found the port to be a better first goal for my return back home. I always found the water, the ships, and the buildings a source of peace. Especially by night, there was no one else around and it was a proper place to calm one’s thoughts. I needed that right now - slowly the impact of meeting that stranger 20 minutes came back to my mind. It was a weird situation, one I would have never expected.
I wasn’t too perplexed by his sudden appearance, his calmness, or his obvious beauty.
I was perplexed to see how my body reacted to him. Not in a sexual way, not even romantic perhaps. It was more like a natural experience as if my body had to obey his words, warm voice, his smile, and touch. Yes, although he hadn’t touched me in any physical way, I felt as if he had. Shivering, I immediately remembered that strange feeling on the back of my neck. He must have used magic on me - for whatever reason. Perhaps he was afraid I wouldn’t leave on my own, I would have. It didn’t even cross my mind to bite his throat - although I needed to feed. Not once during our short, yet close meeting it occurred to me to suck his blood. He wasn’t only good with charms but also protection spells. A true mind manipulating Circle worker, just like my father.
I scoffed. My father is the only childhood memory that still raises a feeling inside of me - the feeling of pure hate. And per usual, strong emotions trigger strong reactions. In this case, my blood lust came back twice as intense as it was when I first felt it that night.
I lost no time and got back into the car.
Of course, it’d have been foolish to return to my old home and immediately start killing an innocent resident. So I decided to turn the car and take another road to the next neighboring village. I knew the area well enough to remember there were some single farmhouses. I didn’t intend to feed off a cow or a horse. Though I tried to hunt animals instead, I’d always come back to human bodies. There is a difference after all, not only in taste but also in a satisfactory way. Animal blood doesn’t give me as much energy, as much concentration, and focus. It fades quicker than I could drink again and wouldn’t let me fully restore my powers. Frankly, I hadn’t used my magic powers in forever but I still felt that overwhelming presence - the distinct tingle and sensations that occasionally would appear, trying to unleash but were actively held back. I didn’t want this anymore. I never had a good use for my powers and I’d never been ambitious enough to look for use or practice. Perhaps I’d always been afraid of ending up like my father.
I growled. Again, hate and hunger were shaking hands inside my guts, forcing me to stop by the first house I came by.
Quickly and quietly I left the car and headed up to the house. The lights were turned off but people were sleeping inside. I could hear the snores, the shallow breathing, and the slight movements in the sheets as I stood beneath the bedroom window. Things would be easier if I didn’t have to be invited inside, I’d noticed that quite a few times now. But I had no choice.
I walked up to the front door and rang the doorbell, once. A pause. Then twice. Lights were turned on. Then it took another moment but eventually, the door was opened.
A gray-haired man in pajamas looked at me, obviously not amused to be bothered by a random guy this time of the day. To my surprise, he wasn’t armed. I would have expected a more cautious man in this area. His bad.
The man inhaled, preparing to ask who’d have the audacity to disturb his slumber - I gave him a rash answer by ramming my sharp teeth into the side of his neck in only one swift movement. Precisely, as always, I hit the carotid artery which immediately led to the warm blood running down my throat. Though he was old and tasted like a variety of medicaments, smoke, and cheap alcohol, it was enough to satisfy my hunger.
As the man’s body grew weaker, I lay him down on the hardwood floor and repositioned on top of him, continuing to drink up every last bit of the thick red fluid. It was an ecstatic moment, it always was and always made me forget the rest of the world. There was a certain bestiality in vampirism. Since your will to live would be replaced by the strong need to survive at whatever cost. It’d make you become a predator, a selfish narcissistic hunter who wouldn’t think about his victims or any kind of consequences. When your lowest instincts and unbearable appetite took over you stood no chance to escape this kind of power. The only thing that would matter was your hunger and how it could be fed for you to survive and rise. Until the urge would come up again and you were stuck in a cycle of dissatisfaction and pleasure. But all in all, you were stuck in a state of power and domination.
“Harold?”
My head shot up, looking ahead, just becoming aware of my surroundings again:
A woman, probably as old as the man I just killed, shuffled out of the bedroom and was nearing the top of the staircase.
Hunger also meant inattentiveness, since your focus was disarranged. Since I’d expected the man to live here alone, I wasn’t prepared for a proper cover-up just yet. I could have just left and let her deal with this. But since this damn house was too close to my actual goal, I had no choice.
I quickly moved over to a spot next to the stairs where she couldn’t see me.
“Harold, what’s going on?”, her voice sounded less raspy than the first word she’d spoken. Yet I could hear the growing fear in her question. By now she must have been able to see what was going on. I didn’t see her from my position but I could hear her cautiously slow moves down the stairs, one step after the other. Her heart rate increased, and she didn’t dare to speak anymore - she must have identified the dead man’s corpse by now.
Even if she was clearly in anxious shock, she moved down the stairs, silently walking towards the lifeless body. Her breathing was shaky and her heart dropped for a second. I couldn’t tell if she was crying but I figured it would be a fitting reaction concerning the circumstances.
Suddenly, she stopped and just stood there, only 6 feet away from her husband. She gasped, the golden ring on her finger glistened as she raised her hands to her face, holding her breath for a few seconds.
I turned my look aside. I’d never been in a situation like this, not on my own. I knew what I had to do. But it always seemed so much easier when there was someone else around to do it. I couldn’t feed off another body and even if I got used to the killing, I wouldn’t just kill randomly or for fun. So this was a new situation that was surprisingly hard for me to handle. Again, I blame the last spark of morality inside of me.
My attention was drawn back to the scene as I heard the elderly woman gasp more loudly this time and before she lost balance, I rushed behind her and held her, slowly accompanying her down to the floor. I drew her into my arms, her back against my chest, and she intuitively held onto me as if she needed support, no matter who gave it to her. She was crying, shaking, and mumbling through her tears - asking who’d do such a thing, repeating her husband’s name, grieving his death she couldn’t avoid. I did nothing but stare at the corpse in front of us and hold her as tight as possible.
To an outsider it could seem as if we both suffered the same loss, handling it differently in terms of first-hand shock reactions. Then again, if one looked closer, they could see the bite marks on the dead man’s neck and smell the fine irony scent from my mouth or see my blood-stained teeth. It wouldn’t take anyone long to combine these things and come to the true conclusion of this scene.
Her death was inevitable. I felt like she knew that as well. Her fingernails dug into my arm, her crying became more of a hate-filled screaming. The woman’s whole body was suddenly trembling in anger, hopelessly trying to hurt me as much as I’d hurt her. Though she never turned her face to look at me, I could easily imagine what was going on.
“Monster”, she hissed through clenched teeth. I couldn’t deny her. But I wouldn’t tell her that. She tried to escape my grip but there was none. While she was struggling, I rearranged one arm to be wrapped around her upper body, holding her tight against my own, and used my other hand to take hold of her throat. Slowly, I tightened my grasp.
“Monster!”, she repeated more desperately, over and over again, while continuously trying to wriggle out of my embrace - until it became one final breathy word.
Silence.
The woman’s lifeless body collapsed in my arms as I released my hold on her. Her head turned up towards the ceiling and her dead hazel eyes stared directly at me. Silently sitting there and watching her death stare, I was unsure what to do with two corpses. After all, it wasn’t my intention to bury two people tonight. Carefully, I closed her eyes for good and lay her down on the floor. A cool breeze brushed my cheek and I noticed the front door had been open the whole time. I doubt that anyone had seen or even taken notice of what happened here. Still, I got up and shut the door since I didn’t want to take any further risk tonight.
But before I took care of the dead bodies, I would look around the house to see if I found something of interest and value.
Indeed, I did find a variety of things: an envelope filled with 520 dollars, a small wooden box with 4 pieces of jewelry, a fine-looking watch, and some more money within their wallets. From their IDs, I found out their names: Erin and Harold Thompson. Usually, I don’t know anything about my victims but it somewhat felt different in this case. I stuffed everything into my pockets and went back to the crime scene, squatted down between the elderly couple, and thought about how to disguise the situation best.
After investigating their bodies for a moment, I had an idea. I went back upstairs into the bedroom. Even if I moved light and quick, the floor was creaking beneath my feet. But as if that would bother anyone anymore now. I walked over to the nightstand where I’d found a gun earlier, picked it up, and returned to the mess I made downstairs. For whatever reason I’d expected something to change. But neither the bodies nor my mind had changed a bit. The corpses were still lying stiff on the hardwood floor. My mind was still calm although I suddenly had to cover up a huge murder all by myself.
Back when it’d happened to me the first time - when I was still highly incautious due to my young vampire age - I had Frances by my side. She’d been my mentor ever since. She told me it’d be smart to either get rid of the bodies without a trace or to make it look like an accident they could have had on their own.
Perhaps it was a far fetch but I thought:
If I make it look like the husband strangled his wife and then shot himself, it’d be a simple enough domestic violence crime scene. I didn’t care if it was believable or not, as long as no one suspected me.
I stood next to the man’s body and hesitantly pointed the gun at him.
It took me a minute before I lowered my arm again. I’d never shot anyone. Ironically, it suddenly seemed way less hurtful and brutal to me to suck someone’s blood. However, draining a human was the worst way to take their life. But it came naturally to me by now.
I tilted my head. Of course, the bite marks needed to disappear, and therefore I had to shoot straight through his neck. Right between the two dots, my sharp teeth tore into the old skin. I aimed again. I knew I wouldn’t miss, even if I’d never handled a shooting weapon.
With a frustrated sigh, I once again lowered my arm.
I moved over to the armchair and sat down, staring at the lifeless couple.
There was something else holding me back and after a moment of consideration I knew what it was: I couldn’t kill him again in front of his wife. My body still remembered her shaking and crying, her words, and the look in her eyes. Although I rationally knew she couldn’t go through any of this again, it felt as if she could after all. It felt as if she could judge me, hate me, and fight me with only her tears and grief. I frowned in sudden anger at myself: Why had I chosen this house? Why hadn’t I been more cautious? Why hadn’t I just left? And why the fuck did it all affect me so much right now?
I closed my eyes while slowly rubbing the side of my head with my palm - the gun still in my hand. It had to be the closeness to my past, to my sister. It immediately made me more of a sensitive human again and less of the reckless animal I’d been in Yachats, where I’d met Frances. Without actual intentions, I pointed the gun at my head. It was a cold, hard feeling against my temple. But nothing scary, not an unpleasant experience. I wondered what would happen if I’d done it - surely, it would take a long time to heal but I wouldn’t die unless the old man put some silver bullets in there.
I put the gun down in my lap and leaned back into the armchair, my eyes still closed and stayed like this for at least two hours. Outsiders would think I’d have fallen asleep but it was the complete opposite: I was more awake than before. My senses, especially smell and hearing, usually increased in these moments of relaxation. I listened more carefully to my surroundings like a wild animal waiting for their prey. It was no necessary state to go to, like a sleep schedule, it was more of a meditation thing. A short settling after a busy or nerve-wracking time.
The silence inside the house was interrupted by birds chirping outside. I opened my eyes and looked outside the window - it was dawning already. Time to move on.
I got up from the armchair and stood once again next to my victims, Erin and Harold.
Once again I pointed the gun at Harold’s neck, aiming directly at the gap between the bite holes. Erin’s voice rang in my head:
“Monster!”, was the only thing I heard as I pulled the trigger.

Chapter Text

Within these walls, a hushed melancholy lingers,
A silent witness to the passage of time.
Fear of an intruder casts shadows in every corner.
Yet through the quiet, a flicker of hope.

A home, a canvas of memories and echoes,
Where solitude and solace softly entwine.
In this refuge, emotions silently converse,
Melancholy, fear, and hope converge.

Sunrise. I knew because my skin started to tingle. I looked up from my notebook and indeed: the clock was 5:53 am. I sighed, closed my pen, and threw both, the pen and book over onto the passenger’s seat. Leaning over to the glove compartment, I pulled out a small leather bag. The muffled sound of clinking glass filled the silence of a sleepy town. Only a few birds were already on the rise, in the last 30 minutes two early drivers would pass by my spot. I reached into the small bag and chose one of the identical glass vials. It fit perfectly into the palm of my hand and bore a deep blue, shimmering liquid. Its mesmerizing iridescence covered up its awful flavor. The brew tasted like a mix of bitter poison and acid vomit. Although I’ve been using this potion every day for 5 years now, I never got used to it. As I opened the cork of the vial I lost no time and downed the whole contents. Shaking off the obnoxious taste, I corked the glass vessel again and put it back with the others. The tingle on my skin stopped immediately and I knew it would be another day the sun couldn’t burn me to death. Since I'd parked in front of my old family house, it'd have been more than inconvenient. If there was one thing I’d want to avoid at all costs it was my sister finding my corpse.
I once again looked over to the familiar building. Nothing had changed.
The front garden looked better. Colorful flowers were growing in some bushes and around the fence. The roof seemed fixed and the house facade looked as if a fresh paint job had recently been done. Suddenly a sharp sting ran through my chest. It was nothing physical, nothing pierced my heart. It was an emotional movement. A feeling of melancholic nostalgia hit me. I didn’t have such a strong reaction when I arrived here earlier that night. But now, with the light hitting the house and putting it into a different mood - I didn’t long for past times. A lot of terrible things happened in this building. And by now I wouldn’t call it home anymore either. Billie was the only thing that took me back. I knew she was still living here, keeping all the memories and experiences safe. For one, I smelled her distinctive scent and second, Frances told me.
“They say family is the most important thing in life and there is truth to it.”
That was not too exact since my parents were both questionable people. But she was right about my sister at least. The way my mentor granted me a sample of her Tarot card reading skills still sat with me. Frances always had that kind of charisma to her. A little quirky but uniquely observant. I’d never met anyone like her before. At most, I was glad she’d shown me how to be a vampire without the urge to commit suicide daily.
My eyes went to the upper floor window of the house, and a movement in the curtains caught my attention. I assumed my sister was awake. Early bird. It suits her. As far as I’d heard, she was now working as some kind of teacher in the Mysticlore Institute. The Institute was a community center. Open for magic people who wanted to learn, educate themselves, or meet new people of their kind. Also, our aunt Jessica, was the “Arcane Sovereign” of this institution. It was the highest position to have in a town with a magic population. There were only 8 others spread across the US. Of course, it wasn’t only responsibility and administration. It was uppermost a person who inherited strong magical skills and knowledge. Although the Arcane Sovereign wasn’t a familial inheritable title, I didn’t wonder about Billie teaching in Mysticlore. She’d always wanted to do good and help everyone. She studied hard and perfected her skills eagerly until she was satisfied. A curious, ambitious magic child with a heart of gold. The fortunate opposite of her lazy, useless, and untalented brother. I was also able to use magic but I never engaged further in it. I was scared of what I’d become since I’d seen the dark sides of my father.
Another, stronger movement behind the curtain. This time it seemed as if a body moved along the whole width of the textile. I tilted my head and quickly figured out that this couldn’t be my sister. The creature settled down at one end of the window sill. Its tail wagged next to the rusty orange curtain. It became clear to me that this was a cat. I smirked softly to myself - Billie’s always been what one may call a stereotypical witch, yet in no bad way. She’s a modern woman with a very open mind. But owning a black cat simply fits in with her dark academic kind of style. I wondered what the insides of our house looked like by now. Her house, I corrected my thoughts immediately. Since our father was imprisoned and our mother hid in a hut in the woods, the house completely belonged to Billie.
The cat by the window turned around and now two fierce golden eyes were watching me. It sat completely still, attentively waiting for anything to move outside. I wondered if it watched me or if I was projecting since I watched the cat. The animal was calm, though. It didn’t seem to be afraid or agitated by the lust to hunt.
We stared at each other for another while until my attention was drawn to the front door. A man, seemingly my actual age, left the house.
I frowned in confusion and watched him heading up to a white SUV. He was tall, with black hair that fell into his face and a slim, yet muscular build. My eyes wandered back to the door, it was being closed again. I figured it wasn’t the cat and was hit by a sudden motivation. Quicker than expected I got out of the car and found myself on the front porch. The only moment I hesitated was when it was time to knock. Staring at the old wooden door, I felt more and more unwell. Various scenarios of how my sister could react shot through my head. After all, she thought I was dead.
The meowing inside brought me back to reality. As it seemed, that cat never meowed a lot because only seconds later, Billie opened the door.
“Good morn—“ she started but abruptly stopped herself as she looked at me.
I couldn’t find any words myself and thus we silently stared at each other. Her eyes certainly kept their vulnerability and honesty over the years. They weren’t as dark brown as mine but still of a warm, comforting tone of brown. She was like an innocent deer, surprisingly caught by a treacherous hunter. Even if I didn’t come to kill her, it was some sort of that exact situation.
“Good morning”, I broke the silence and finished her greeting. A shy little smile settled on my lips. She didn’t reply to it in any happy way. Instead, her deer eyes filled with tears.
“You’re dead”, she whispered, overwhelmed by emotions. My smile vanished and left my face with a cold, yet compassionate expression.
“Jessica said you’re dead”, a tear rolled down my sister’s cheek.
“It’s a long story. Perhaps not. It’s just… cruel. I’m sorry, Billie.”, I stammered. For the first time in a long time, I was nervous and at a loss for words. Usually, I was quick and witty with replies but at that moment I felt lost and almost humanly anxious again.
“I’m so sorry”, I repeated because I indeed was. I never intended to hurt her. Life took strange turns for me but I never intended to hurt her.
Billie nodded and wiped her eyes, her voice still shaky “I knew. I always knew it wasn’t true. But it was easier to just believe it at some point.”
It was easier to believe I was dead instead of not knowing where I was or how I felt about her. She didn’t have to explain that. Ashamed of not coming here earlier, I looked down to the ground. As if it expressed my remorse any better or as if I could escape this situation like this. Before I could mumble another apology, I felt a sudden heavy warmth against my body. Billie hugged me. I instinctively rested my arms around her and my head on hers. Even if the last time I held a crying person wasn’t too long ago, this was most definitely a more enjoyable embrace. I closed my eyes and buried my face in her light brown hair. Until a minute ago I didn’t realize that I wanted to be reunited with my sister that badly. If I was still able to cry, I would have lost some tears of joy and contentment.
Billie calmed down and I noticed a change in her posture. She tensed in my arms and her breathing quickened. I knew what was coming next. Disappointed I drew myself back from her touch and gained some distance between us again. I looked her straight in the eyes. A certain fear was growing in them. Before she could speak her mind, I nodded and said: “Well, practically, I am dead.”
My sister held her breath for a second, her heart noticeably dropped in her chest.
“Can we talk inside?”
“Sure”, Billie replied and took a few steps backward before turning and moving ahead into her home. She was uncomfortable. I followed her and took a short look around. Amazed by how she made this place her own by only changing some colors and new furniture. As we went into the kitchen we passed by several pictures on the corridor wall. I recognized the guy from earlier in one of them. As it seemed, they were in a romantic relationship.
“Would you like some—“, Billie interrupted herself. She crossed her arms in front of her chest, trying to find comfort in the black cardigan she was wearing.
“No, thank you”, I replied and tried to sound as kind and normal as possible. “What’s on your mind right now?”
“Too much. I don’t… I can’t… you’re…”, my sister stammered and couldn’t speak a clear thought. She was upset. Yet, I couldn’t figure out if she was sad or angry. Probably both.
“How can I help to clear your mind?”, I asked in a soft, understanding voice.
She looked at me like a wounded deer and shrugged.
“Shall I leave?”
She shook her head.
“Hm. Would you like some hot chocolate?” The sweet treat was what cheered her up and calmed her when we were children. Sometimes it was a secretive drink shared in the middle of a rough night.
Her eyes lightened up a little but she still shook her head in silence.
“What about some tea?”, I asked after spotting the big herb shelf behind her above the kitchen counter. "Lavender, lemon balm, honey, and orange tree flower?" A recipe from our mother.
My sister sighed quietly and wiped an upcoming tear away quickly. She seemed torn.
“I don’t want anything, Evan. I’m not even sure if I want to hear the truth right now. Why are you here?”, the sharpness of her last question surprised her as well. “Sorry.”
I wasn’t offended, it was a valid question. But one I didn’t have a logical answer for. Emotionally, on the other hand, it simply felt right.
“To see you. To know what you’re doing by now and what you look like. To get to know you again after those long years apart. I just missed you.”
Billie bit her lower lip. She always did that when she was thoughtful or angry.
“All of a sudden?” It was the second option. “After 14 years of leaving me, with growingly less and less contact? After the last 5 years of vanishing completely? I thought I lost my brother for good! We all believed it! And what now? Do you need money? Or… or… a victim?!”
We both shared a look. Billie’s warm brown eyes now had a sudden coldness to them. Hurt by her last assumption I raised my hands above my waist in a calming, yet at the same time innocent, manner.
“I am not here to hurt you.”
“You’ve failed that miserably already.”
“I know and I’m truthfully sorry. But let me explain.”
“I have to get ready for work”, she replied in a repellent way, “but I’m sure Jessica would also be interested in your story.”
I froze. Our aunt wasn’t the kind of person I needed to see right now. I understood Billie was overwhelmed by various emotions and found it easier not to be alone right now. And also I figured, she couldn’t bear being alone with me.
So I just nodded silently.
We arrived at the Mysticlore Institute. Since I’d never been inside that building, I stood in the lobby for a moment. The architecture was phenomenal. I had no idea about constructional history but this seemed like an old, yet wonderfully maintained temple. The high walls, big staircase, and marble floors looked luxurious in a way I only knew from the movies. Plenty of people were moving around the place already. Some of them chic in style, others casually modern. Everyone who knew the slightest bit of magic was welcome here. It seemed like a wonderful place. Why didn’t I ever take any interest in educating myself and turn the anxious fear of my powers into something morally good and helpful?
“Come on, Evan.” Billie was already at the top of the stairs and continued her way as I looked over to her. I followed to not upset her any further but still tried to take in as much of this artful building as possible. We headed down a long corridor on the first floor. The walls were in a plain light cream tone which contrasted perfectly with the dark wooden doors. I almost forgot the uncomfortable reason why we were here.
My sister knocked on one of the heavy-looking doors and before she pulled her hand away, it opened. I expected a magic spell but was met with my aunt. Instead of surprise and overwhelming emotions, she looked at me in her usual arrogant and slightly disgusted manner.
“Well, well, well”, she started and examined me up and down, “the cards indeed never lie. Come in, quickly.” Jessica moved back to her desk. I couldn’t tell if she was insecure in her heels or drunk. She didn’t have her confident strut but rather a swaying pace when she walked. I looked at Billie, checking if she showed any hint of what was going on. But instead of wondering she followed and sat down opposite the Sovereign. Knowing I could only do wrong from here on, I quietly closed the door behind me and sat down next to Billie. Jessica lit a cigarette and blew the smoke directly into my face.
“Now, tell me something I don’t know already, boy.”
I didn’t even blink. Instead, I folded my hands in my lap and leaned back comfortably. She didn’t scare me anymore. As a kid, I always hid in my room when she came around. Later, as a teenager, I put up a fight I couldn’t win. Jessica came over more often as her sister, our mother, struggled increasingly with mental health issues. Calling me to order, she usually used her magic against me. But right now she was only a 72-year-old woman with an addiction problem and a huge ego.
“So?”, she raised her eyebrows.
“What is this now? An interrogation?”, I looked between Jessica and Billie. My sister looked down at her hands and fumbled with the textile of her dress.
“Have you committed a crime?”, the blond opposite said provokingly and inhaled deeply from her cigarette.
Again, I looked between her and Billie until my eyes finally rested on the older woman. At this point, I had nothing to lose. My sister was hurtfully disappointed in me and my aunt didn’t think highly of me anyway.
“Yes. Plenty. I’m a vampire, what did you expect?”
I noticed Billie breathing shakily next to me as I mentioned my new existence. Her fumbling became slower but more tense. Jessica laughed sarcastically.
“This is rich. You” she pointed at me with her cigarette “You are in no position to make such cocky remarks. Do you know that I could kill you and might as well earn a medal for that?”
My sister froze in her movement. I tilted my head calmly. If she went that way, I’d strike back. Perhaps my teenage spirit wasn’t all lost.
“You couldn’t hurt your own blood. You didn’t manage to kill my father even though he’s taken the love of your life from you.”
Jessica tensed and stared at me for a moment, then waved her hand.
“Pathetic to believe in this soul mate bullshit.” she leaned back smoking. “I wouldn’t take a father’s life. But I sure as hell would end a meaningless existence that is only spreading pain and death in this world. So better give me a fucking good reason to not kill you right now. And don’t you dare use your sister as an excuse. She’s been through enough - I’d let her leave before and use an obliviation spell for her to forget you for good.”
Billie raised her head and looked at the Sovereign, a slight panic in her voice: “You mustn’t do that. I didn’t bring him here for that.”
Jessica ignored her and kept focus on me, lighting another cigarette: “Speak. Tell us how you became that morally corrupted monstrosity.”
She was hungover, and her patience was low. A part of me was confident enough to battle for the upper hand in this conversation, without any bad consequences. The other part was worried about Billie’s general well-being. Then there was also a small part of me believing Jessica would indeed just end me and obliviate my sister. That woman did have the specialty of manipulative intimidation.
“I will but I won’t be interrupted,” I said and gave her a strict look. She only waved her hand, gesturing me to finally speak.
I rolled my eyes and prepared to tell my story:
“As you know, I moved to LA after I’d finished drama school in New York. Everyone told me I’d have more chances there and could make a fine living. I didn’t figure it to be a bad idea and rented myself a small apartment, waiting for my first acting job while waiting tables in a diner.”
“Get to the point, Evan. You’re wasting my time.”
“I said, no interruptions. I can also leave.”
“I don’t care if you live or die.”
“Stop it, both of you!”, Billie intervened the oh-so-familiar fight building up between Jessica and me. “I want you to listen.”
“Oh child, you don’t still believe he’s got any good explanation for all of this? Don’t be so naive. I’ll let him talk but don’t get your hopes too high.”, the Sovereign put out her cigarette and leaned back in her chair. “Go on then. For the sake of your poor sister.”
I tensed, yet tried to calm my voice again as far as possible.
“Long story short: I didn’t get any acting job for several months. But at some point, I didn’t care anymore because I fell in love. I met her in a bar, she charmed me and made me believe she felt the same for me. Indeed, she introduced me to some people. We attended events together, I had some commercial contracts and smaller roles in low-budget movies. Even if she never actually loved me and I didn’t know what she was, we got along well.”
“She promised you fame and glory with her sweet bloodsucker tricks, then dropped her little toy and foolishly turned you into one of her own. You’re such an idiot.”
“There was a shooting at a celebrity party on the night of Halloween 2017,” I continued talking while my aunt was still speaking. “Plenty of big names in Hollywood were living dead. A group of vampire hunters saw their big opportunity: Erasing a high number of enemies. Regardless of also killing innocent humans serving or accompanying the rich. They were ruthless and badly trained. Instead of killing the vampires, they mainly shot the civilians. They shot me.”
“And suddenly it became a love story after all,” Jessica said quietly, yet sarcastically provoking. I didn’t let her tease me and continued.
“As said - the hunters were badly trained and only managed to shoot inches beneath my right collarbone. I would have survived easily. But instead, my lover bent over me, saying she needed me more than ever. With “me” she meant “my blood”. She said she would take care of me and ease my pain. At that point, I believed she would help me. That she’d take me to the next hospital or call an ambulance. ‘It was nice while it lasted but at some point, everything comes to an end’, she said after kissing me one last time. Her lips wandered down to my neck and the world went black quicker than I could move in defense. So no, Jessica, I didn’t choose this life because I want to be a famous actor at all costs. I was forced into this existence and currently thought to give it a hint of happiness and sense again.” I turned to Billie. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I am. But I couldn’t handle my new self and thought I was more danger to you than joy.”
Before my sister could reply anything, Jessica intervened harshly: “You still are. You’re a danger to this whole town. There’s a reason why vampires are limited to bigger cities. And there’s a reason why vampire hunters still exist.”
Billie instead rested her hand on mine and gave me a soft look.
“I understand. I’m still upset with you but I understand better now. And I’m happy to have you back around here.”
A light smile appeared on my face, “Thank you.”
“Heart-warming performance. Now you needed me to be a part of this because?”
“You’re family,” Billie said and took her hand back from mine. “You told me he was dead in the first place. You said he died in some drugged car accident, said it was the reason he’s been so distant the last years. Why did you come up with that specifically?”
Jessica rolled her eyes but I could tell she wasn’t prepared for being caught in a lie.
“Because you’re a child and you cling so tightly to a version of your brother that just wasn’t true. All this time you sat there and waited for something never to happen. I couldn’t bear watching that any longer.”
“I’m not a child. I’m 30 and it’s not an uncommon thing to hope for the best outcome of a terrible time.”
“You were delusional and destroyed yourself. I was only helping.” Nervously, Jessica fumbled with her lighter and lit another cigarette.
I watched her attentively as she opened her mouth to say something, but I was quicker: “You weren’t really surprised to see me. Neither surprised by my transformation.”
Scoffing, she responded: “I immediately tell something was off. It doesn’t take much to know what you’ve become.”
“No”, now even Billie was suspicious, “you seemed incredibly calm. You didn’t even flinch when we arrived here. As if you’d expected us.”
“For fuck’s sake - what do you want to hear?”
“The truth would be a start.”, I said and provoked the Sovereign, who wasn’t too sovereign anymore at the moment, to inhale deeply from her cigarette.
“I was there.”, she said finally and left me and my sister speechless. “Not at the party but afterward. I saw you, practically dead. Frances called me over and asked me what to do.”
I looked at her for a long moment. So many questions and thoughts crossed my mind. I tried to remember what exactly happened that night and where she fit in but I couldn’t recall. Billie next to me didn’t dare to speak either. Finally, I found my voice again.
“You decided over whether I’d died or become a vampire?”
“Isn’t it the same?” Jessica smiled as if she had told a joke. As none of us laughed, her smile faded again. “There was a chance you could have become a decent person, under Frances’ guard. Apparently, she didn’t do a bad job. At last, you’ve come to your senses, see. You should thank me.”
“Why did you lie to me?”, my sister almost whispered under her emotions. It was a rough day for her.
“Because I didn’t know how he’d turn out. Some transformed creatures become animals. Unable to remember their loved ones and violently slaughtering their families. Blood is the only thing that keeps us all alive. But for them, it’s a brutal game of lust. Only few can tame their hunger.”
Jessica wasn’t wrong. It took me a long time and practice to not mindlessly kill anything that moved. Even if I hated my existence as it was now and even if I didn’t support her ways of handling situations - I was thankful she put my sister first. Also, I was sort of thankful she granted me another chance. A part of me suddenly thought of the tough, cold Sovereign as a kind-hearted, morally gray, but gentle woman.
Suddenly Billie moved her chair back and got up.
“I need some time on my own.”
Without waiting for any response, she turned and left the room.
I exchanged looks with my aunt and finally said: “Thank you.”
“Oh please, I still think nothing of you, boy.” She put out her cigarette, watching it crumble in the ashtray. A light smile crossed her lips as she looked at me through her lashes “You’re welcome.”

Chapter Text

I spent the rest of the day mainly inside my car. Since I wanted to give Billie the time she needed to process, I moved to the quiet edge of town. Also, I didn’t want to raise any unnecessary attention or suspicion towards myself. Immortality granted me a weird confidence but also taught me how to be more patient. I had a lot of time.
As it was dark by now and the streets seemed empty, I decided to take a walk. Not because I needed to hunt but because I wanted to take a look at my hometown. It was almost midnight by now and the rain hadn’t stopped for the past hours. Even if I didn’t bother and certainly wasn’t cold, I pulled my pullover’s hood over my head and hid both of my hands in the big front pocket. Remembering the streets of this small town like the back of my hand, I intuitively went straight to the harbor. I always enjoyed going there when I needed some time off everyone. The route led me past some old and partly empty buildings that almost vanished into the bordering woods.
Mainly focusing on the way ahead of me, watching my steps, I slowly zoned out. It wasn’t the comforting sound of the rain or the feel of the wet drops on my skin. There was some kind of fog evolving inside of my head. Not the numbing or poisonous kind one would experience from a spell. It was more of a lovely cloud. I stopped walking to look around and try figuring out who did this to me. There was no one around. It wasn’t the most charming neighborhood I found myself in but there was no hint of a soul. Trying to focus further on the growing sensation that’d taken hold of my brain and what it’d do to my senses, I suddenly noticed a distinct smell.
Immediately I straightened, tensed even. Blood.
My pupils went wide as my hunting skills were activated and I needed to see better in the barely lit street. Again, I looked around, and again I couldn’t figure out any source. More attentively than before I carefully moved on. The further I went, the stronger both the smell and fog got.
Homicide?
The odor of iron, wet wood, and… lavender? A sudden thought hit me: I’ve smelled this combination before already, back in the night that I’d arrived in the area. The balance of the three different smells was different but I was certain it must have been the same fusion of fragrances. Also, the fog suddenly felt familiar. It was the same feeling I had when I drove back onto the main road. There was no doubt it was him, the stranger from camp. Could it be I wasn’t the only vampire in this area? Impossible. Jessica would have known and taken action against those creatures of the night. Then what else was he? To my surprise, I’d almost completely forgotten about him, even if I remember our first encounter more than clearly right now.
Intuitively my feet stopped. I looked around: I arrived at the end of a smaller street. I must have taken turns without realizing it since there was now the old abandoned rectory at the coast right in front of me, and that wasn’t any stop on my previous route. The rectory was a relatively large building, built in the 18th century, and has been empty ever since before my birth. It was under the protection of historical monuments - so no changes were allowed to be made and no buyer would show interest in the estate. I figured there were about 6 different rooms on two floors, perhaps a cellar. Directly next to the rectory, there was the small church. Or at least what I thought was a church - any symbols and hints towards religion were gone. Now that’s new, I thought.
I didn’t have to inhale deeply to be sure it was the origin spot of what intrigued my nose. So I lost no time and went around to the side of the “church” building to peek through one of the large windows. I couldn’t see a lot, since the glass was located higher and I’d already been on my tiptoes. But there were lit candles, people in violet robes, and… blood. Quite a huge amount of it even. It suddenly made sense why the Christian symbols on the building were gone. This was a religious act but none of the good kind. It was a sacrifice.
I sank back on my feet and reconsidered my options: Either I just left or I found out more about what’s going on there. A feeling of curiosity and interest arose inside of me. I blamed it on my low urges and thought it to be a ridiculously stupid idea to go inside, asking whether they’d make further use of the blood or if I could just have it. As I turned to leave, a strange feeling held me back. It was as if someone physically touched my shoulder and stopped me from leaving. It was a soft grasp. I shivered, and looked around - still no one to be found. My eyes turned back to the door of the church building as it reminded me of the shiver shortly before the stranger had disappeared some nights ago. It was the same physical sensation that I felt at the back of my neck. Though it wasn’t unpleasant, it left a subtle tingle in my whole body. And since my soul was lost already, I went and entered the once-holy halls.

I stayed at the back of the dim-lit room as I sneaked through the massive door. As soon as I entered the building, the fog inside my head cleared off again. No one took notice of me as their attention was drawn by something in the front. The space still looked as one would imagine a church to look like from the inside - high stone walls and ceiling, huge windows, the biggest one of them colored, benches, and historical paintings I didn’t get the context for but figured had nothing to do with Jesus anymore - the biggest difference though must have been the dark altar at the end of the aisle. It was a construction of both a preaching object and some sort of wooden bathtub.
As far as I could see behind the standing robed people it was the spot where the sacrifices took place. A young person, I assume it was a male, was hanging motionless over the edge of what could have been considered a coffin after all. His throat was slid open and he contributed to the blood-filled vessel.
When I stretched on my tiptoes and caught a glance at the lower part of the altar construction, I could spot another 6 lifeless persons.
“And so,” a voice I remembered all too well spoke in front of the group of robes but the person it belonged to was impossible for me to see just yet, “let us revive and achieve greatness. Let us rise to our highest potential, for no one shall stand in our way.”
The voice slowly wandered through the crowd while talking until-
“Until we are unified in what makes us whole.”
The stranger directly stopped in front of me and smiled, a sweet smile - completely contrary to the scenery and his appearance. His clear blue eyes attentively open, glistening despite the low light of the candles, kindly hiding a mysterious darkness to them. The outlines of his face were even more distinctive than in my memory, framed by his dark curls. A stream of already dried blood was running down his forehead, along his cheek and neck. My eyes curiously followed the dark red line until my gaze met his bare chest. He was naked. I dared to only throw a short further downward glance and was met with the rest of his perfect, Greek god-like appearance. It wasn’t like I’d never seen a naked person before or never had sexual experiences. But it had indeed been a while and there certainly never had been an extraordinarily attractive opportunity like this.
The stranger chuckled softly in response to my silent but obvious reaction.
“I’m glad to see you’ve finally found your way to me.”
The young man folded his hands on his back, obviously enjoying the effect he had on me. I only continued staring at him, not in fear or shock. I was aroused - by his looks, his voice, his smell - the smell of blood in the room, the people around us silently watching - all of these factors contributed to the more and more tightening feeling in my pants.
“And I’m glad to see you’re enjoying your stay here, too”
With these words, the stranger, who at the same time felt so familiar, approached me at a slow and steady pace.
As he continued to speak his voice turned more and more husky: “Would you like to revive your potential?”
He stopped right before me, only some inches parting our bodies from each other. He was the same height as me. I could feel his heat, his breath against my lips, and hear his heartbeat. I wanted to embrace him tightly, melt into his body, and absorb him completely. It was an almost romantic thought.
I closed my eyes to focus.
“Revive me”, I murmured and the second I leaned in for a kiss, it turned cold. I shortly struggled with my balance and opened my eyes again, only to find the crowd of robes looking directly at me, then turning away from me simultaneously. Confused I tried to figure out where their leader went, searchingly moving my head to each side - no one.
The flames of the candles lit up higher and I noticed another movement of the crowd. This time they parted in their midst and made space for the aisle that led up to the altar. And there he was: at the small stairs in front of the bloody altar, standing in between the corpses on the floor, presenting his full glory to me.
“Come to me, Evan” he reached out his right hand and I automatically moved toward him. Like in a trance I slowly made my way through the followers, never breaking eye contact with him. I didn’t even wonder how he knew my name, I didn’t care. All I cared about was him. I wanted him. I needed him.
As soon as I reached the stairs, I took his hand. He seemed perplexed for a second, obviously planning on pulling it away before I had a chance to touch him. Although he was clearly in a more dominant position, I managed to surprise him, which put a light smirk on my face. Stroking along the back of his warm hand with my cold thumb, I studied his face. He didn’t seem to mind a small power struggle but as he squeezed my hand, I understood to not provoke it unnecessarily. And I didn’t intend to ruin my chances of a fine sexual act. Well-behaved as I was, I let go of his hand again.
In a swift motion, the handsome male leaned back a little and dipped his index and middle finger into the blood tub.
“Embrace your desire” he almost whispered and led his hand towards my face. I understood the gesture and rested my lips against his soaked fingers. My eyes rolled back in lust as I smelled the intense iron and I immediately felt my hunger rising. Eagerly I trailed my tongue along his skin, then covered his fingers with my mouth and sucked off every last drip of fresh blood. I watched the man’s reaction as I did so and saw a spark of excitement on his face. He enjoyed it as much as I did. I moved up a step and let go of his fingers again with one last longing lick.
“You’re not afraid.”
“Why would I be? You’re not here to hurt me. On the contrary.”
With another elegant motion, he dipped four fingers into the tub and then moved it along his neck. My eyes darkened as I watched the thick red liquid swell through the gaps between his fingers and slowly drip down onto his chest. Our eyes met once again he’d finished his stroke and rested his bloody hand on my cheek, trailing his thumb along my lower lip.
“You’re here to please me”, his voice deep yet soft as honey.
A low growl escaped my throat - I could have thrown him back over the tub immediately and fucked him roughly. Or the other way around, I didn’t care. Playfully I bit his thumb with my flat front teeth. He smirked.
“Tell me your name so I know which one to moan”, I said cockily.
The stranger laughed and patted my cheek before pulling back his hand.
“What makes you think I’m going to fuck you, Evan?”
His reply left me dissatisfied in every way, I was growing impatient. As I wanted to shoot back a witty remark about his desires, I checked the man’s lower body. I frowned in frustration to find no throbbing erection in front of me and my disappointment made him laugh once more.
“A hard cock is not the only sign of arousal, boy.”
I tensed. As much as I enjoyed a fair power play I was becoming tired of it. Before I could voice my exasperation, a hand reached around to the back of my neck and drew me closer.
Once again I was directly staring into deep blue ocean eyes. It was only a moment but it felt like forever, in a good way.
“You’ll know soon enough” he whispered as he leaned in further until our lips rested against each other. Intuitively I closed my eyes and still felt as if I could see him in front of me. Instead of the fog from earlier there now was clear vision all around. But the only thing there was, was him. I guessed it must have been some kind of charm after all, when at the same time I felt like he didn’t lure me in on purpose. It was more as if we’d known each other for years, decades, already and finally met in physical form. The heat of sexual arousal is balanced with the comfort of belonging. And somehow I knew he felt the same way. Suddenly all my thoughts were wiped away and as there was an expression of softness and honesty in the way his lips started to entwine with mine - we shared a slow, innocent kiss that lasted for several seconds but was interrupted by him pulling away. Although he stayed close enough for me to still feel his warmth, I already missed this intimacy.
I sighed quietly but instead of engaging with his lips again, I tilted my head and planted some soft warm kisses up along the path of dried blood across the left side of his face. He let me even if it was the complete opposite of passionate sex. I moved in closer to his body and gently rested my pale hands on his naked hips. It made him shiver - not only because of the cold but also because of excitement. As I continued spreading kisses along the side of his face, I slowly trailed my hand across his hip bone and finally found what I was looking for: His hardening cock was shortly twitching under my touch. I couldn’t hide a smirk. Was he only a tough leader on the outside and fell for vanilla sex and cuddling?
“No.”
I froze. Since I was currently resting against his jawline, I would have noticed if he was about to speak. But he didn’t move his face a bit. Yet it was as if… he was in my head.
“I’ll explain it to you another time. Don’t get distracted so easily.”
I wanted to back away and tell him to get out of my mind but something wouldn’t let me and the next moment I already continued kissing down along his neck, lapping up the traces of blood he’d smeared there earlier. And the more blood I tasted, the less I cared about his mind games. My desires grew back stronger than before and I was eagerly tasting all the red liquid that was on my partner’s hot body. He at the same time enjoyed my tight grip on his erect dick, pumping it in a slow motion. The more and more leaking precum made it easier to perform a steady rhythm and every time I gathered new natural lube from the swollen tip, the man in front of me growled longingly.
As soon as I’d cleaned his neck and chest, I quickly moved my head back up to kiss him. This time it wasn’t an oh-so-innocent one - I hungrily crashed my lips onto his and by that forced him into a longingly passionate kiss. He replied with the same passion, burying his hand into my hair and digging his fingers into my curls with a slight pull.
Once again without actually talking he said: “Get in.”
Like in a lustful trance, my body understood and automatically turned to the bathtub behind the familiar stranger. I quickly got out of my clothes and, at last finally removed my briefs that held back my rock-hard erection for far too long and stepped into the knee-high, still-warm blood. I turned my face to him and watched his reaction, he seemed to enjoy both my pale, imperfectly perfect appearance and my blind obedience. Imitating his movement from earlier, I reached out my hand to invite him in as well.
“Come to me, Cody” I tried to also mimic the melody and tone of his voice.
The stranger who now had a name laughed softly and took my hand, stepping into the vessel and immediately filling every last inch that could have parted our naked bodies.
Both of us sighed instinctively as our cocks touched.
“I assume you have many questions,” Cody said, stroking his hand along my ass cheek. “And I promise to answer all of them soon. But we shouldn’t have them wait any longer.”
I glanced over to the crowd of followers that silently had been watching us the whole time. The thought of those voyeurs enjoying the show sent an excited shiver along my spine and made my penis twitch against Cody’s erection. He took it as consent. The next moment he spun me around by my hip and held it in a tight grip, grinding his crotch against my ass. A moan of longing lust escaped my mouth as his hard length slid up and down between my cheeks. I bent further and supported on the edge of the bathtub, presenting my behind to him in full trust and anticipation.
Cody lost no time and guided his thick cock fully into me with one slow thrust.
I held my breath - it wasn’t painful but I certainly didn’t expect it to fill me up like this in an instant. Almost soothingly, my partner caressed my sides and trailed his hands gently over my scar-covered back. He didn’t appear to be disgusted, instead, he followed the lines from my past battles carefully. I could feel his fascination through his touch. The manipulator surely went to my head again. Before I could say anything against his mind intrusion, he blessed me with another thrust. How ironic to think of it as a blessing since he surely wasn’t any saint. A third thrust hit me quicker than expected and forced a lustful grunt out of me. Cody enjoyed his position - there was no clear rhythm to his fucking and he always caught me off-guard. It was unbearable. Exciting and tingling but unbearable in terms of the time I’ve already been hard.
“Please” I murmured and tightened my grip around the sides of the bathtub.
He didn’t reply or change his actions. I knew exactly what this was. It was an edging game all along and if he won, I would let him win. I needed to come. The rusty smell of blood beneath us, his lavender odor that only became stronger as he started to sweat and my impatiently throbbing cock made this a pleasant yet growingly agonizing act.
I raised my voice, louder than expected but sharp in its intention.
“Please, Cody. Let me come” I begged and provoked a chuckle from the man behind me.
Once again he gently stroked along my back, up along my spine, my shoulders, and the back of my neck until he took hold of my hair.
“Revive.”
I moaned loudly in pleasure as Cody fell into a steady rhythm and thrust his length in and out of me with deep motions. He drew my head back a little which made me arch my back, allowing him to angle his thrusts differently and hit various spots inside my body. The whole church building was filled with two bodies slapping against each other and my shameless moans. At some point, my body gave in and released the tension, a strong orgasm rushing through every part of me. Cody gave It another two deep slow thrusts before ejaculating into me and as his cock softened slowly, he pulled out and also let go of my hair and hips by that. I closed my eyes, trying to focus. Even if I wasn’t exhausted or out of breath, I felt a fine fatigue and sank into the tub on my knees. I rested my forehead against the back of my hand that was still holding onto the side wall of the vessel.
“You’re free to feed. Take your time.” Cody said while stepping out of the liquid. Indeed, it seemed tempting to just bury my face in this red mess beneath and still my hunger.
I turned my head and peeked through half-opened eyes to watch the devilish male cover his body in a violet robe. It looked more majestic and had a darker tone of violet than what the followers wore. Right, the crowd - I turned my head to the other side and suddenly they all moved towards the door I sneaked in earlier. Cody must have given them a silent sign or controlled their minds for them to work in such unison.
“I’m not controlling their minds. They’re here because they want to be here” he said out of the blue. The athletic man moved back towards the tub, an elegant wine glass in his hand. I rearranged in the literal blood bath until I sat with my knees angled. I’ve never seen the harsh contrast of my almost white skin against the deep blood red so clearly.
“Could you kindly stay out of my head as well then?”
“I’m not doing this on purpose.”
He moved a stool next to the tub, sat down, and scooped a glass of blood. As he held it to me he gave me a light but honest smile: “Trust me.”
I looked at him for a moment, then took the glass and downed the thick liquid in only two big gulps.
“So, about my questions…”
Cody smirked and shifted on the stool, taking back the glass and refilling it.
“First we feed, then we get comfortable and talk”, he spoke softly.
To my surprise he didn’t pass the blood back to me but instead enjoyed it himself, every last drip was gone and he scooped some more.
Fascinated, yet at the same time utterly confused I watched that beautiful demonic angel. He passed me the glass.
“I can manipulate minds. But I only use that skill in emergency cases. Neither the people here nor you are a threat to me.”
I looked at him while taking another sip of blood. He smirked.
“You are not. I may not be a vampire but I know you wouldn’t hurt me.”
“What makes you so sure of that?”
“There’s a reason you’ve come back here.”
How did he know about my sister? Who is he? Cody tilted his head and patiently waited for my vocal reply. I shook my head, I didn’t want to fall for his mind games and tell him more than necessary.
“I’m just a passerby.”
“Not to me. You’re so much more.”
I sat up more straight in the tub. Uncomfortably realizing what happened the last minutes and what I got myself into. This was in no way what I planned for my return. I didn’t want to join a cult and I certainly didn’t want to kill more innocents than necessary or even bathe in their blood. I was a monster but not sadistic.
“Thank you for… your time. But I’m not interested”, I said as I moved to get up.
Cody gently rested his hand on my underarm.
“It’s not a choice, Evan.”
“Alright, how the fuck do you know my name and how do I know yours?”
“It feels like we know each other for longer than tonight, doesn’t it?”
“Yeah, what kind of spell did you put on me?”
“None. It wasn’t my choice and neither was yours. The concept of soul mates doesn’t leave room for choice.”
I stared at him blankly. Soul mates? I’ve heard about this but never truly believed in it. While retrieving my arm underneath Cody’s touch, I skeptically raised an eyebrow: “Right. This isn’t my kind of shit, you know?” I got up and stepped out of the blood tub. “I’m not a cult guy and I don’t know what kind of sacrifice you pulled up last night at camp but I promise I’ll keep shut about it. Just stay off me.”
The blue eyes watched my every movement, frowning in confusion.
“Last night? There was no sacrifice last night. I was at home all day.”
“Come on, we met last night already. Stop fooling me”, I got upset and despite my blood-stained body, started to pull on my clothes again. Cody stood up.
“I’m not lying to you. I wasn’t at any camp. Not physically at least.”
“Not physically? What, you’re modern Jesus now? Just appearing randomly and turning people to your beliefs?”
“Not at all. But this is a common phenomenon.” He moved elegantly around the tub and stood beside me, resting his hands on my shoulders. His ocean eyes looked deeply into mine. While he was talking, he gently trailed one finger along the shot scar beneath my collar bone. “I swear to you: This isn’t any sort of religious or cult matter. I am not a leader of any sort either. Nefarious inclination runs in my blood. I was born with it and it at times makes me do things I don’t intend to. By now I’ve come to find a way to deal with it and fortunately also found a surrounding where I’m understood and welcomed. As I hid away from the world and tried to understand what exactly was wrong with me, I read a lot. Little do we know about souls and love. But this is real, Evan. You know my name because we’ve been lovers ever since we started to exist. I am as overwhelmed as you are but at the same time more than glad to finally meet you.”
The young man smiled. It was a charming smile. A smile that made my heart beat faster even though it would never beat again. He leaned in for a kiss but I wound myself out of his hold, stumbling down the few stairs.
“You’re telling me about your demonic impulses and want me to trust you with this love bullshit? I don’t know what the fuck you’re doing but stay away from me.”
The disappointment in Cody’s eyes pierced my heart. Intuitively I shortly scratched my chest to ease the pain. Before he could start talking again, I raised my voice: “Stay the fuck away from me.” I turned around and headed down the aisle.
Cody stayed where he was but his voice reflected from all the church halls: “We’ll meet again, Evan. It’s not our decision. ‘The fog will rise, our minds will unite - until our hearts grow soft but strong in everlasting peace and love.’”
Whatever obscure book he’d quoted there, I had already left the building and heard his last words in the distance.

Chapter Text

As I couldn’t go anywhere else to clean up, I picked out my bag from the trunk of my car and headed through the woods to the nearest lake. Quickly yet quietly running, I felt the weight of the day in my whole body. The blood I had earlier strengthened me but I was still exhausted by the emotional drain. First of all, the guilt I felt for my sister. Second, the insecurities Jessica brought back inside of me. And third, the demon that was trying to lure me in with simple charms. It was time to wash off both the rough feelings and the dried blood. The full moon reflected on the calm water of the wide lake. It was peaceful, almost too quiet. Perhaps my senses were too clouded and distracted by thoughts. But if someone wanted to attack me right now, they had fair chances. I didn’t bother, though, and stripped out of my stained clothes. Since the dried-up blood wouldn’t simply wash out, I decided to trash them later.
I went deeper and deeper into the water. In comparison to the blood, it was colder and less thick. No iron smell or heavy burden surrounding me anymore. Only the cold of the lake, which was about as low as my body temperature, and the sounds of nocturnal animals from the woods. The bright light of the moon made it easier for me to see. But I didn’t want to see or hear anything right now anymore. I also dove my head underwater, I was completely drawn into the darkness and silence. I stayed there for a few minutes, as I didn’t need to breathe. Unfortunately, the water just swallowed my body but left my thoughts untouched. I returned to the surface and stroked my hair back. Even if my face wasn’t at all as bloody as the rest of my body, I rubbed it aggressively, trying to erase what preoccupied me. It didn’t work. I wasn’t bothered by bathing in some innocent’s blood. I was bothered by what that beautiful demon cheekily planted in my head.
Sighing in frustration, I returned to the shore. I sat down on the dirty clothes and rested my arms loosely around my knees. “Soul mates” - there was no such thing in the real world. Whatever books Cody had read, they must have been fiction. Also, if it wasn’t one of his sacrifices last night, what on earth was going on at that camp? There obviously had been a blood bath or at least a high amount of blood loss. Why wasn’t he trying to manipulate me there already? As the same thoughts raced through my head, I did not only watch the calmly moving water but also the big moon in the sky. It wasn’t a whole full moon, that must have been the night before. Yet, it was a bright and huge spectacle hung up in that dark infinity. While I was focused on the cosmic beauty and slowly drifted off into a deep state of meditation, a wolf howled on the other side of the lake.

Some minutes before sunrise, I zoned back into my surroundings. I looked around and stretched my body - everything seemed as untouched and peaceful as some hours ago. Instead of nocturnals, there were now first cheerful birds communicating with each other. Time for me to move on. Or at least consume my daily dose of Lumina Nocturna, the elixir that would save me from being burned by the daylight. In a fluid motion, I rose from my spot and got dressed in fresh clothing from the bag. I picked the very up with one hand and grabbed the dirty laundry with my other. As I walked through the forest, I noticed something different than wildlife and birds: a lustful moan, followed by a giggle. Looking around, I quickly found a possible answer to that mysterious noise. There was a small wooden hut to my right side. Usually, I would respect other people’s privacy and just go on but my curiosity won. Who would have sex that early in a lost hut in the middle of the woods? I did see the appeal but in an area like this, I found it suspicious. 
I sneaked up to the window and peeked inside.
There was only one room and its main purpose was enjoyment. The huge bed was positioned against the right wall. In the other corner of the room stood an old armchair, a small table with candles next to it. Nothing else. Apart from the clothes covering the floor and the naked couple on top of the bed, of course. I narrowed my eyes to see if I could spot anyone familiar to me. But I neither knew the man nor the woman on top of him. I wouldn’t consider myself a voyeur but I felt a mesmerizing pull that forced me to stay by the window. They didn’t notice me, they were fully focused on each other. Thanks to my fine hearing, I could understand their conversation in addition to watching their actions.
The black-haired, fit woman sitting on top of the muscular, dark-haired guy looked down at him, stroked his chest, and said: “I had no other choice but to chain you, wolf.” She spoke in a warm voice with a British accent.
I didn’t notice before but indeed, the man was tied by his hands above his head. As the chains stayed in place but weren’t linked to the headboard of the bed, I assumed she was a witch. Instead of panicking, the man looked up to his hands calmly, not even testing if he could escape the glowing leather cuffs. He smirked, then turned his look back at the beauty dominating him.
“I missed you”, he said in a low husky voice.
The woman drew circles on his hairy chest with her index finger, softly smiling.
“Now don’t get sentimental. You were a naughty beast last night.”
I would have blushed if I still could. Remembering my own sexual experience from last night, I was more than intrigued to stay and watch.
The man chuckled, and so did the woman but spoke in a serious tone.
“Honestly, Henry, let me help you. I created new potions. They won’t hurt you, they’ll probably just taste awful. But at least they can prevent history repeating itself.”
Henry sighed quietly. Even if I didn’t know what the history was, I noticed it must have been painful.
“Nothing can prevent this from happening again, Anya. Thank you for your support and thank you for being here but you can’t always watch or take care of me.”
“That’s what the potions are for, idiot.”
“No potion in the world can stop transmutation. I was born like this and I will always be like this. Rather give me a strong sleeping elixir or silver cuffs for the next full moon.”
I frowned. His words made me think and quickly combine: Werewolf. I didn’t know much about these creatures but I did know they were dangerous and one of the wildest animals to exist. When they transformed, which fortunately only happened once a month,  they were even ruthless killers. I remembered that I’d heard a howl last night. Suddenly I realized that I could also be dead right now. Anya, the witch, was powerful and clever enough to tame Henry in his wolf form.
“I won’t do this and neither will I kill you,” she said, leaning down closely over the man’s face, whispering, “I’ll simply make you drink my creations.” By that, she planted a kiss on his lips and began grinding her waist slowly.
A muffled moan escaped Henry’s throat but before he could argue with the woman on top of her, she shifted her body and slid onto his thick cock. Another moan from both of them as she started riding the muscleman slowly, yet deeply. Anya threw her head back which made her charcoal black hair slide down along her shoulders. She arched her back, raising her chest and exposing her bouncing boobs. Henry’s hands moved nervously as they couldn’t move and touch the slender woman’s body.
If I wasn’t aware of my sexual orientation, this definitely would have been a revealing moment for me. But I already knew that I didn’t care about the gender of my partner. 
The witch and the werewolf continued fucking lustfully and didn’t seem to get tired of it at all. Now and then they shared a kiss. In front of me was a situation of pure desire, the air smelled of salty sweat and was filled with pleasurable moans. I loved to watch them. Not because I was horny - though I was attracted, I didn’t have any intention of relieving myself just yet again. It simply was an enjoyable scene. A giggle unexpectedly echoed through the woods. I winced and looked around. There was no one and there wasn’t another random sound to be heard either. Shortly after the laughter vanished, my skin started to tingle. The sun. I granted myself one last look at the love-making couple, then headed to my car.

Two days later, my aunt knocked on the window. As Billie still wasn’t talking to me and I didn’t want to just leave again, I mainly stayed in my car.
“Where do you feed?” she asked as I got out. Her eyes were covered by big sunglasses.
“You want to take me out for lunch?” I replied, overplaying my concern of being too careless with covering up my kills.
“It’s a miracle you haven’t had anyone I know yet”, Jessica lighted a cigarette. She gestured for me to speak.
“I don’t hunt in this town or the nearby area. I drive off at least 15 miles.”
I decided to stay silent about the farmhouse that was less than 8 miles away from the town.
“Ah. What a relief.” She blew out smoke and moved her sunglasses up into her hair. “Then how come a man from the Enigma Council suddenly wants to talk to me about the suspiciously committed murders in the area?” The Enigma Council was the magic people’s administrative system. As a form of government, they established laws, an investigative force, and employed watchers. If something was off their usual rules, they knew and they acted quickly. Intuitively thought about Cody. I didn’t know how long he was practicing his arts already but I was sure he was on the radar. I shrugged. It wasn’t my business and I didn’t intend to tell on him. “There are also other dubious people around here.”
“I’ve been the Sovereign for over 40 years now and no one’s ever come to me because of any crimes.” She had to play the power card. Even if she wasn’t part of the Enigma Council, she had a certainly high rank in the hierarchy system.
“Well, times change. What’s it to do with me?”
“You’re here for only three nights and everything’s falling apart already. You create chaos, like your father.”
I tensed. She knew I didn’t like to be compared to that man. A short but winning glance crossed her face. I wanted to punch her.
“You’re coming along and you can talk to that EC worker.” Jessica was someone who enjoyed arguing but loved to end an argument when it seemed right for her, regardless of what the other person had left to say. She got into the back seat of the car. For a second I considered just leaving. Then I was tempted to drive and speed into a tree. But she was the Sovereign - of course, she’d know how to avoid any accident. So instead I just got into the car and drove to the Mysticlore Institute.

“Come in”, Jessica said as someone knocked on the door. We’d been sitting in her office in silence for about 25 minutes. It was ridiculous. She was playing me. If she knew I killed the old couple, not too far from here, she would prove her point of me being a heartless monster. If she knew about my blood-stained clothes from two nights ago, she would turn me in for being a perverted blood-lusting creature. Even if she was just assuming I did anything, without fitting evidence, she was playing me. And she enjoyed it far too much.
The door opened and a tall man stepped into the room. As I got up to welcome a man his rank properly, I froze. A muffled, yet unburdened “Huh” escaped my mouth.
Henry smiled as he greeted us: “I’m sorry for the delay. Paper chaos.”
Paper chaos, sure.
I watched him setting up his papers, files, and writing tools on the big mahogany table. He was wearing a tailored dark blue suit, his hair neatly combed back and his face freshly shaved. That man looked completely different from the state I’d last seen him in. Images of his wild stubble and tousled hair, his lust-hungry gaze, his naked biceps, chest, and legs, his thick throbbing cock— 
I sat down quickly to interrupt my thoughts with action. However, I knew it wouldn’t stop them, especially since I was sitting opposite him. Jessica stroked back her hair and posed on her chair, surprisingly intrigued by what man had arrived in her office.
In a voice soothingly warm she spoke: “Would you like some tea? Coffee? Something stronger, Mr…?”
“Cavill”, the Enigma worker replied with a charming smile, “Thank you, I’m fine. And actually, we need to work through this efficiently. I have a tight schedule.”
“Oh, of course” Jessica laughed sweetly “We shouldn’t occupy a busy man longer than necessary. Even if it’s hard to let go sometimes.”
I could feel Henry, Mr. Cavill’s, discomfort through his chuckle. Even if I was as much attracted by his handsome appearance, I didn’t throw myself at him like my aunt. She didn’t have a serious interest in hooking up with him but she loved the game and watching the positive effect she had on men. I knew Mr. Cavill was engaged with someone else and was only acting professionally kind.
“So, Ms Lange, I already briefed you in my letter. I’m here because of a confidential matter. Your assistant is informed about discretion and consequences should he not obey?”
A tingle of excitement rushed through my body. Mr. Cavill’s choice of words in his low voice had a certain effect on me. I clenched my fist beneath the table and tried to control my mind to not drift off again.
“He’s not my assistant”, the voice of my aunt made it easier to stay focused, “I present you the criminal you’re looking for.”
Baby blue eyes met mine. I was taken aback by the piercing stare Mr. Cavill suddenly gave me. With a mix of confusion and surprise, he spoke softly: “You accuse your nephew of the matter I told you about?” 
“It wouldn’t be the first time she did something like that,” I said snappishly, being quicker than Jessica. She wasn’t happy about that remark.
The Enigma worker looked between us for a moment, then started taking notes. 
“What’s your name?”
“Evan Thomas Peters.”
“Date of birth?”
“20th January”, I noticed Jessica’s look on me, “1987.”
Mr. Cavill just nodded and asked about my address, I told him my old home address. At first, I didn’t know why but a smirk crossed my aunt’s lips. The man across looked up from his papers, straight at me again.
“What is your current address?”
I got nervous but tried to overplay it.
“I’m just here to visit my sister. Actually, I thought about moving back to my hometown, so I canceled my old apartment’s tenancy.” 
“You’re homeless?” Jessica intervened.
“I’m not and I also don’t struggle with money, thank you,” I replied without even looking at her. Instead, I explained further: “My aunt has a biased picture of me. Also, she hasn’t told me what exactly the situation was about. So if you could please fill me in?”
Mr. Cavill finished writing his last sentences and looked at me again.
“Certainly. It seems your aunt is currently accusing you of committing a series of murders. Not only have you assassinated two influential Enigma members but also their non-magic families and friends.”
All my nervousness suddenly vanished. I could be certain and honest about not killing any big shots. As the anxiety left, anger took its place. That was the lowest Jessica had ever thought of me. I was no power-hungry vampire. I did kill innocents and surely caused harm by that. But I would not do it on purpose or political motivation. Even if I had my struggles with my low instincts, I would never strategically try to gain a higher rank by murdering people.
“Anything you’d like to say about that accusation, Mr. Peters?”, the blue eyes examined my face, probably trying to find any sign of guilt and truth.
I shook my head. “Nothing, since I don’t know about those crimes.”
Jessica scoffed, and Mr. Cavill took notes.
“I don’t know how or why my aunt accuses me of such despicable action but I haven’t killed them.”
“You’re suddenly back in this town after you’ve despised living here, and call it a coincidence your return and the murders happen at the same time?” Jessica sounded upset. She thought I was lying, like I’d usually played against her only to tease and anger her. I looked at her, innocent as I was, and shrugged calmly.
This triggered her, she looked at Mr. Cavill and her whole seductive posture changed into a tensed gesture of attack.
“I demand a Veritas.”
The Enigma worker stopped writing abruptly, keeping his eyes on the paper.
“Ms. Lange, I fear that is not your decision.”
“I can call people from the Council if you need further authority. But we don’t have to wait an unnecessarily long time.”
“I cannot do that. There is no evidence and also—“
“He’s a vampire, what more evidence do you need? He’s just a greedy and ruthless bloodsucker who finds a perverted pleasure in returning to his old hometown to seek validation and forgiveness from the people he’s hurt and tortured all his life already. Don’t let his ‘charm’ lure you into thinking that boy is an innocent soul. He’s nothing but a dark spawn of hell.”
I didn’t know if I was speechless because she revealed my punishable secret to an official or because I was overcome by several emotions at the same time. Anger, disappointment, fear, and sadness hit me all at once. There was no clear distinction between those strong feelings and it all melted into one heated storm inside my guts.
 Mr. Cavill finally looked up from his writing. His eyes first focused on me, then Jessica. After an unbearably long moment of silence, he said: “That’s a completely different case and not what I came here for.”
I dared to look at him. He didn’t seem enraged or frightful. That Enigma worker appeared calm and even understanding. We both shared a secret no one could ever know. I guess, both of our transformations, even if they were different kinds, somehow united us.
Jessica interrupted the moment of peace with her brash tone: “So you’ll just ignore it?”
“If you are so close with the Council,” Mr. Cavill spoke gently “you might take your case to those you know. I’m here because of the assassinations, not your family struggles.”
“This is no family struggle! This is a crime on its own. And I demand you write that down because this kid is a serious threat to our community!”
“I’m not a fucking kid anymore!”, I exploded.
Mr. Cavill raised his hands, trying to assuage us, but before he could talk I spit my words directly into my aunt’s face: “All my life you’ve blamed any mishap or accident, everything that didn’t go the way you wanted on me! Why the hell were you always there?! What did I do wrong to deserve all of your hate?!”
I winced as an impulse made me shut up. She used the Hushbinding spell on me and physically forbade me to speak.
“It’s too late for your existential crisis. Deal with the consequences.”, Jessica said hard-bitten. She turned to Mr. Cavill, who was fumbling the pen between his fingers.
“I will talk to authorities. About the Veritas - perhaps we might as well combine it with an obliviation. Then again, he will be imprisoned either way.” She lit a cigarette, “Might as well be sentenced to death.”
“With all due respect, Ms Lange, that is not my decision nor my department. It’d be best if you directly turned to authorities in this matter, I guess.”
By that he packed up his belongings, trying to escape the situation as soon and quickly as possible. In an elegant motion, he stood up and granted me one last empathetic look.
“Thank you for your time.” He turned his head to my aunt and nodded briefly. Jessica scoffed but stayed silent, taking a deep inhale from her cigarette.
The Enigma worker, who was secretively a werewolf, closed the door behind himself.

Chapter Text

A minute later Jessica withdrew the Hushbinding spell that kept me from speaking. As a reaction to the strange pressure inside my mouth and throat, I gasped.
“What the fuck?”, was the only thing that appeared proper to me in this situation.
My aunt lit a cigarette and crossed her arms, not even granting me a look.
“He would have known sooner or later. I have to be cautious”, she said finally.
“Being cautious by selling me out to the Council? For fuck’s sake, if you wanna see me dead and gone, just finally kill me. I know you’ve got the strength and wits.”
She didn’t respond. Instead, she only stared ahead, obviously lost in thoughts while the cigarette slowly burned down between her fingers. I watched her for a moment, then got up and said: “Since you’re not even dragging my sister as a reason into this, I assume there’s more to it. Don’t expect me to be grateful for your patronizing protection. I know you despise me, you always have. But I won’t waste any more thought or fight on you.”
Jessica sat still. Even as I walked up to the door, there was no sign of a cheeky response or sound of movement.
“I’ll try to fix things with Billie because I care about her and I want to be part of her life again. If she wants me to, I’ll stay. And there’s nothing you can do about it.” As I turned around again to her, I caught a single tear running down her cheek. Her eyes met mine and gave me a look of hurtful certainty. Every muscle in my body tensed as I prepared for a battle. Instead, Jessica remained seated and spoke in a distressed, yet warm tone: “Let me tell you a story.”
Her voice confused me but I stuck to my plan of leaving.
“Another day.”
“I need to tell you now.”
“I’m not interested in your manipulative talks.”
Jessica scoffed and wiped another tear away, finally putting out her cigarette.
“You’re as stubborn as your father”, she said ever so gently. I tensed even further, my muscles ready to burst.
“Goodbye, Jessica.”
Before she could say anything else, I rushed out and down the corridor. Instead of heading for my car, I started jogging down the streets. The jog turned into a full-speed run until I reached the woods. I stopped in the deep of the trees and let out a wholehearted, loud cry into the peace of the forest to release the emotional tension that built up inside of me for the past few days. Since I couldn’t cry, physical exhaustion was the only way to settle myself again. Meditation helped me to calm my thoughts and clear my mind and was usually the second step after actively fighting and releasing any pent-up feelings.
Although I wasn’t surprised by Jessica’s behavior, I was deeply annoyed and hurt. The pain from past years, the struggles and fights, the tears and scars; all of those bad, deeply buried feelings suddenly came up again and forced me down onto my knees. Usually, I wasn’t that emotionally drained anymore but considering everything that had happened in the past short time, I understood it was only a natural reaction. A vampiric psyche was different from a human one. But it wasn’t like all vampires suddenly became stones. Some of them became ruthless to the worst inhuman extent one could imagine. Then again, some were so compassionate and fragile, highly sensitive even. It was dependent on the human character. I was somewhere in the middle of the extremes, tending to be empathetic and thoughtful, yet logically rational and therefore “cold” with my decisions. At least that’s what my sister said at some point in our lives. I can’t remember the situation clearly anymore but I think it was one year after I’d left home, moving to LA.
After a couple of minutes, I got up again and walked out of the woods. It was time to reset my mind, as my body was calm already. On the way I checked my phone for any nearby motels, outside of town but close enough to return quickly.

“Room 43, just across, first floor on the right”, the man behind the counter said smiling as he handed me the key. He was kind, trying to make a decently good impression.
“It even has a little balcony. First come, first serve offer”, he added chuckling as I pulled the key from his hand. According to the smell of freshly painted walls and new furniture, this motel was new. Or at least there was a new owner. And I was one of his first (perhaps few) guests.
“Thank you”, I checked his light golden name tag which gave the impression he was working in a high-end hotel, “Pedro”.
Pedro chuckled again - proud that I noticed this exquisite detail, he raised his chest a little, presenting the shiny plate.
“My pleasure, Mr. Peters. If there’s anything I can do for you, don’t hesitate to let me know. Like, if you needed more chocolate on your pillow?” He slid a small chocolate bar across the counter, giving me a small wink as if he offered me money or drugs.
I don’t know what it was but the kindness and warmth this man radiated was enormous. He wasn’t pushy or annoying, just attentive and trying to do a good job.
So, even if I wouldn’t touch it, I took the chocolate and replied with a wink: “I will let you know.”
Pedro smiled wholeheartedly, proud of another happy guest, sorting away my administration papers.
Indeed, it was a nice little room with a nice little balcony to watch the quiet street and neighboring apartment complex. There was also a bathroom, a closet built into the wall, a queen-sized bed, a small table, and a TV. The bare essentials if you needed a place to stay. I booked myself in for an indefinite period. Pedro’s eyes lit up as I told him, which might as well explained a trickle of his kindness. I was his paying customer after all.
I threw my extra chocolate onto the table, collected the one from the pillow, and tossed it there as well. In a swift movement, I peeled out of my jacket and pants and sank lying on the bed. It was more comfortable than expected. Then again, my expectations weren’t high as I’d stayed mainly in my car for the past 72 hours. My eyes fell shut automatically and before I could even think about when and where to have dinner tonight, my mind wandered off to a relaxing state of silence and calming darkness.

A strong knock pulled me out of my meditation. I needed a moment to orientate and sat up on the bed. Another knock. I got up and quickly tiptoed over to the door, trying to make out any smell or noise from the outside. There was absolutely nothing familiar. And strangely nothing uncommon either. Knock, knock. Whoever that was had a certain strength and urgency to his action. It wasn’t Pedro, for sure. He would have called or talked to me already.
“Mr. Peters?” I knew that deep, hot voice.
Intuitively I opened the door the moment I remembered who it belonged to.
Mr. Cavill stood across me, in the same tailored suit he wore earlier. His face bore an expression of seriousness. The lines on his forehead formed an almost concerned frown.
“May I come in?” he asked, almost tenderly soft.
To my surprise I couldn’t find words to answer him properly, so I just nodded and stepped aside, inviting him into my humble stay. A sudden nervousness rushed through me as I closed the door. Was he here to kill me? An inevitable order from the Council that made him erase me as quietly and quickly as possible?
“Nice place.” Mr. Cavill stood by the balcony door and looked outside. “Quiet even though it’s right by the street.”
“Not a lot going on in small towns usually, even on the biggest roads,” I replied, trying to sound as unbothered and casual as possible. I’d thought a lot about dying already. Never had it looked so attractive. Yet, I wondered how he found me and why it was his job to do this - not some Watchkeeper’s.
The muscular man turned his head to me, granting me a little smile: “But we both know there is usually a lot going on inside these innocent small towns.”
I shivered. Did he find out about me peeking through the window? Was this man flirting with me?
“Since I know a lot about you, I’d like to ask what you know about me. Or what you think you know about me.” He turned fully to me, folding his hands on his back.
A pose I didn’t expect of him - somehow it didn’t fit his body.
“Well… I know you’re working for the Enigma Council?”, I said slowly, not sure what he was hinting at.
“Yes, that is correct. What else?”
I know the size of your cock. Quickly, I shook my head to erase the thought. Mr. Cavill eyed me attentively, slightly tilting his head. “So?”
“I…”, I cleared my throat which seemed dry. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Mr. Cavill.”
“Oh, please”, the man smirked and his eyes went darker “Call me Henry.”
“S-sure.” I stammered and didn’t quite dare to reply to the look he gave me. Obviously, he enjoyed torturing me like this. Henry chuckled softly.
“I didn’t want to be rude or make you feel uncomfortable, Evan. We can also stay official. If you’d prefer that?” He shortly pointed towards me. “Then again, I can hardly stay official when you’re not wearing any pants.”
I didn’t have to look down to suddenly feel a certain cold surrounding my legs. Not only was I not wearing any jeans anymore, but I also became aware of the bulge in my boxers. Although they were a loose fit, one could surely make out my growing erection. I don’t know when that wave of horniness and lust came over me but it was there, for sure.
Henry broke the silence that persisted for a moment, and he spoke in a dunning tone: “Now, Evan, the way I see it - your aunt is a bitch. Excuse my casual slang but I can’t stand that woman. And it doesn’t seem like you’re too fond of her either. So, what if”, he slowly approached me, “we make a deal?”
I was so focused on his hypnotizing gaze that I almost didn’t listen to what he was saying. Henry rested a finger against my chest, gently poking into the cold skin.
“We form an alliance, surprise the old hag, and then create a new powerful unity of magical justice?” With each word he spoke, his finger trailed down my upper body. Inch by inch he was getting closer to where my main tension was at the moment. However, he stopped just a bit above the center of my hip line and rested his finger there, expecting an answer.
I was too overwhelmed by the tickle in my body to catch a clear thought. Even if I had many questions for him, I couldn’t formulate any of them.
“A werewolf and a vampire - how is that supposed to be magical justice?”
For a second it seemed as if Henry froze in his whole body. His face went blank and his touch felt as if it had vanished, though he didn’t move at all. I blamed it on my revelation of knowledge. The sky-blue eyes went lively again and he chuckled.
“Oh, power in the right hands will bring more justice than you’d expect”, he said but left my question unanswered. He wasn’t shocked by me knowing about his identity. Why wasn’t he nervous I could tell on him? Perhaps, as we shared the same punishable secret, he was more relieved than afraid. But there was something off about him the more I watched his movement and way of talking.
Before I could further investigate my thoughts, a warm big hand cupped my hard-on through the textile of my boxer shorts. I let out a soft moan and closed my eyes.
Henry watched me smirking, his light blue eyes darkened. He tightened his grip a little.
“I know you’re enjoying the memory of what you’ve seen”, he growled. “What would you like to experience yourself right now?” I felt his breath on my skin as he leaned in. Although he was taller than me, he bent down easily and trailed kisses along the side of my neck, along my bite scars. The skin was especially sensitive there and made me shiver. If that big hand hadn’t held my cock in a firm grip, it would have jumped in sexual arousal. As I tried to move my waist, his free muscular arm wrapped around my lower back and held me in place. I groaned. Not that it didn’t turn me on to be controlled like that, but my whole body tensed in lustful desire which became an unbearable yet exciting state. He was teasing me silently like this for some minutes.
Then he raised his head, his face just small inches away from mine.
“What do you desire?”, he asked in a voice that didn’t feel like his own - higher and not as raspy as before. A strange mix of two voices, even.
“You”, I breathed and tried to open my eyes. But before I could, Henry pulled me in for a kiss. Slowly, longingly. His lips tasted like chocolate and— lavender.
The heart in my chest that had stopped beating for five years now felt as if it was once again racing, engaged in the excited feeling that ran through my body. Suddenly I knew why this situation felt unreal. Because it wasn’t. I broke the kiss and stepped back. As I opened my eyes, Mr. Cavill was gone.
“Don’t ruin all the fun just yet.”, the double voice called from the bed. I turned to the side and saw the hunk lying there, completely naked and tied to the headboard. A perfect copy of my memory.
“I don’t dream but this is not real.”, I stared at the handsome illusion in front of me. “You said you wouldn’t control my mind. So, get out of here.”
The man lounged on the bed, his hips slowly rolling side to side, making his thick throbbing cock tilt left and right. Defined sweat-covered abs glistened in the dim light of the room. With a big grin on his face, the fake image of Mr. Cavill looked at me.
“Usually I don’t. But I had to get your attention somehow”, the voice now fully belonged to Cody. “You were so fascinated with that man.”
“How long have you been reading my mind already?”
“I am not reading your mind. I told you, we had a certain connection.”
“And why don’t I see who you’re peeking on then?”
“Oh, you could if you’d allow yourself. Even if I don’t peek at innocent people in the woods enjoying themselves…”
“Fine. Can we talk about this in person? You’re giving me a headache.”
Blue eyes wandered down my body and focused on my crotch.
“You wanna talk before sex? Uncommon”, Cody teased.
“I won’t have sex in my mind with an illusionary image of someone that could be a serious threat to me.”
“Evan”, suddenly everything went dark and all there was left was the demon’s voice. “This is real.”
Indeed it felt as if I was just lying in the motel room, meditating, as I originally was. Before I could open my eyes, I once again felt soft lips against my neck and a hand around my still-covered cock. A warm, yet clothed body nuzzled against my side.
“Your skills are impressive”, I said. But instead of the dream-like dull tone, my voice was moving up my throat and mouth, sounding clearly into the room.
“Which ones are you talking about now?”, Cody’s voice also sounded different. Real. Keeping my eyes shut, I let the soft warm lips find their way down my upper body.
“Just your whole you”, I sighed as he trailed kisses along my waistline while pulling down the textile that’d been holding back my erection the whole time.
“You’re easy to impress”, Cody mumbled into my sparse pubic hair and moved his tongue up along my length, ending up gently kissing and sucking on the tip.
Even if I didn’t watch him, I placed my hand unerringly on the back of his head.
“Take a compliment”, I demanded and tucked at his curls softly.
As a response, Cody smiled against my skin and said: “A little dominant today, are we?”
“You’ve teased me long enough.” I peeked at him through one half-opened eye. One part of me was intrigued to provoke him, the other part was serious and just needed to come. “Cut the bullshit. Finish what you’ve started so we can finally talk.”
“My, my. What a harsh tone, Evan. I knew you were a tough, cold man but speaking to me like that? Me, who’s in charge of your luck, and could easily ruin that?” By his last words, Cody used his left hand to take hold of the base of my shaft and balls, his lips still on the head of my cock. His right hand dug into my dark pubic curls, slightly scratching the skin beneath. He wrapped his fingers tightly around my dick and with a smacking sound his mouth let go of its head. The man’s hands withdrew from my body, yet the feeling of a tight ring around the base of my penis stayed. For a moment I just rested like this, waiting for him to continue the dirty talk, and then finally opened my eyes.
I looked down and noticed an almost transparent, dark red shimmering circle of magic floating where Cody’s hand had been, keeping my cock in place.
“If you’re so eager about talking - let’s talk.” A wide smirk crossed the young man’s face as he rested on his side, supporting on his underarm next to my lower body. Some curls fell into his face and made him look softer than one would guess from his defined jawline and sharp cheekbones.
“Funny,” I said, pretending to be less intrigued and horny than I was. I adored his view on sexual activities. It seemed more like a lustful game than a necessary business. Even if it was only our second intimate encounter and even if he had invaded my mind, there was such a strong attraction towards this demonic man. Although I wanted to love him, not only mentally but also physically, I couldn’t let him charm me this easily. His fondness for manipulation and control was not what I was a fan of. In terms of sexual dominance, like right now, I was fine. But as soon as it meant mind-gaming control outside the bedroom, I’d draw a line.
Cody’s smirk turned into a knowing smile. “You like it, I like it. As long as we’re both satisfied, why wouldn’t we indulge our appetites?” This time he didn’t hold back from hiding his arousal. Between his trained thighs rested his half-erect cock. Now and then he brushed his fingertips along its length.
“You’re not even trying to free yourself? Or to jerk off?”
“I figure it’d be pointless when you’re still there.”
Pouting, the Greek-god-like man looked at me with big eyes: “Poor thing. What a horrible person I must be to you.” He let go of his dick and rested his arm loosely on the side of his body. “So, ask me. What do you want to know? I’ll promise to answer honestly.” By that he rested his head on my thigh and looked up at me, I could feel his breath against my tied-up cock. The built-up tension made it harder and harder for me to focus on one single question. I wanted to know so much, I’d need time for every detail. At the same time, I didn’t want to last a second longer. But I feared Cody would just disappear once we were done. He watched me calmly as if we were chatting casually on the couch, talking about our favorite movies. Once again the feeling of familiar comfort embraced me.
“How did you find me?” was the first question that just fell out of my mouth.
“I had a feeling.”
“You love being mysterious, don’t you?”
“I mean it, it wasn’t more than that. I thought about you and then just knew where to look. There was no mind manipulation or bizarre magic tracking necessary. It just happened. You won’t like to hear it but it tends to happen when you—“
I grimaced, “Don’t say it.”
Cody grinned, “—found your soulmate.
I sighed deeply and rolled my eyes. “Fine. Explain that great mystical construct you’re obsessed with to me. Convince me. Without your magic.”
“I don’t want to convince you”, a frown built up on Cody’s forehead. “You have to believe it yourself and then engage in the beauty of it. There is no magic to it, it’s… I don’t know, just the universe.” He sounded like a hurt boy who did wrong as if I’d called him dumb for believing in a thing that doesn’t exist. Would he make himself so vulnerable if there wasn’t anything to it? Then again, perhaps he was playing me, guilt-tripping me.
“Okay, so you can’t really explain it and don’t know how we two ended up together right here and now.” I tried to sound as soft and empathetic as possible, though it was an absurd topic for me to even imagine.
Cody looked at me and shook his head lightly, brushing his hair along my thigh by that. “No.” He noticed my denying irritation, and after a moment of almost uncomfortable silence and eye contact, he added: “Shall I suck you off?”
There was a specific pain in his question. I couldn’t figure out what it was exactly but I felt he was disappointed.
“In a second.” I didn’t intend to offend him or his beliefs. “Why me? Was it something like love at first sight, or?”
The young man’s face lit up a bit again, and his eyes went back to their usual infinite, sparkling ocean blue. “Perhaps something alike, yes. I have been in love before, so I know the difference.” He pushed himself up and sat on the bed. “This is a deeper connection. I told you I wasn’t at camp, right?”
I frowned in confusion but nodded, not knowing where he was heading.
“And I wasn’t. It was an illusion, like a vision. Stuff like that happens with soulmates when there’s danger ahead or deep pain, fear, just bad situations and feelings in general. Their other half appears as some sort of guidance and protection. There are theories this happens all life long already but there’s just one point where both halves meet and the vision becomes clear: It has always been that one person. So, earlier in life, you may have only felt a spirit holding you when you were sad. Or you perhaps had help in times you needed it, someone who protected you from danger when there actually was no one around. It’s said that it’s all linked to that one person who cares so deeply for you. The closer you get to that person, the clearer their face becomes and you end up having visions of a person you’ve probably never seen before. I don’t know but I think that’s what happened at the camp. I wasn’t there physically. But you were nearby and I for the first time appeared to you.”
As this was too much information and too many vague answers, I just listened to him explaining and declaring his love for me.
Cody didn’t bother, he continued eagerly as if he was releasing years of words he’s been holding back all his life.
“That other night”, he turned his look down, “I was in great pain. A tragedy happened and I, once again, didn’t know how to continue life. That’s the first time I’ve heard your name. It wasn’t you who told me but some sort of foggy shadow, like a ghostly embrace. ‘Hold on, I’ll be right there with you’ the spirit repeated. They were talking me through the whole night. At some point, I asked who they were. And they said your name.” Cody looked me directly in the eyes. “And the moment you stood before me, I knew. It just all made sense suddenly.” He laughed. I continued watching him in silence.
“Of course, it was the most random situation you could have come to me. And you know, I love to play games, love to tease.” His face turned more serious again.
“And also, I couldn’t believe my luck. I didn’t want to trust the universe or you. Why would, after all these years of pain and misery, of bad luck and hard work, something so beautiful and simple finally happen? I honestly couldn’t believe it. Yet, here we are, Evan.” He smiled at me, gently, though a little bit insecure. This man across from me didn’t feel like Cody anymore. Instead, it seemed as if a vulnerable teenager was looking straight at me, expecting me to change and save his life. I didn’t know what to reply, so I sat there, awkwardly looking at him. After a long moment, his smile faded, leaving only a glance of insecurity and sadness in his eyes.
“Well. I guess it’s tough to find words when you’re in a situation like this”, he said finally and turned his head to my cock.
I used it as a quick escape and nodded. “Yeah, it’s hard to catch a clear thought.”
Cody didn’t look at me anymore, instead, he undid his spell and wrapped his hand around my shaft. I sighed quietly at the release and tried to relax under his touch. Even if I was on the edge of coming, watching this man held me back from feeling any sexual arousal. It just felt like a quick and cold handjob you’d pay for. Somehow I felt guilty.
I cleared my throat and tried to ease the situation: “Shall I touch you as well?”
“No, it’s fine”, Cody replied and stayed completely focused on his moving hand, sliding his thumb across my cock’s head frequently. As it became rather sensitive by now, there was a slight sting. I shifted on the mattress.
“We could at least kiss?”
He rested in his motion.
“I feel like we should focus on the climax and not unnecessarily waste any energy on kissing.” Cody’s voice sounded uncommonly raspy and cold. Also, his choice of words seemed out of place. I leaned up, supporting on my elbows, and looked at him intently, hissing as he once again slid his thumb across my sensitive tip.
“You don’t have to do this. Cody. Stop.”
He didn’t. As if he was holding onto something that’s been lost.
“Stop acting like a sex worker who has to finish their job”, my tone was harsher than intended but not harsh enough for him to stop. “It’s done. No need to act like you owe me now. Perhaps you should have come up with that soft boy love confession before you recklessly fucked me in front of your slaughtering cult.” I knew that hit him. ‘Cause it hit me as well, an unknown sudden stab in my chest.
In one movement Cody pulled back his hand and got up from the bed. He magicked his clothes back on. Before I could apologize or say anything else, he looked at me.
“I am sorry for invading your mind earlier without your consent. I will not do it again, I promise. And think of me what you want, I accept rejection. But this isn’t something either of us chose. If you want me to, I’ll stay away from you.”
He hesitated.
“But I fear you’d have to kill me to fully get rid of me. I’d also accept that.”
The sadness that flooded his eyes earlier was now completely gone. Instead, a certainty and coldness reigned in his gaze. Hopelessness, even. It reminded me of myself.
I sat up and replied to his look. “I don’t want to kill you”, I said quietly, honestly. I didn’t intend to kill him. But I, at this point, wasn’t able to reply his love either.
“Let’s talk about this again”, I said appeasing.
“It’s not about talking or thinking. You have to feel, Evan.”
And with those words, he just vanished. I wondered if any of this was real after all. Rubbing my face, I sat up on the edge of the bed. A hot shower was what I needed now. As I got up, the empty chocolate papers on the table caught my eye. I remembered Mr. Cavill’s kiss. Although that was only an illusion, Cody was real.