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Agonizing. The pain from almost falling into hot molten lava. Mu Qing could swear he saw his life flash before his eyes.
Never did he welcome death more willingly than that moment. He was so ready. Ready to sacrifice himself for his friends, and ready to just jump in after his terrible awkward confession.
Even if they doubted him, or never trusted him, or felt that he would turn on them for his own benefits, Mu Qing could accept. After all, he himself did many questionable things, even if it was for the good of the better lot, or just for survival. Life might be cruel to them all, but trading your friends off to Jun Wu was not on his list.
Not after his highness has so said that he trusted him. As much as Mu Qing did, back at Mount Taicang, or on those cursed cultivation grounds, which irrevocably destroyed their friendship.
Xie Lian and Feng Xin could throw rice at him, hurl abuses at him, could keep thinking the worst of him after 800 years, but Mu Qing could never do it. It all but earned him a cursed shackle from Jun Wu, and even pushed him all the way to the edge of death towards the boiling lava.
“You trust me, don’t you?”
Those words reverberated within Mu Qing as loudly as the bells that chimed when Xie Lian ascended once more. The same one that came right down on Mu Qing which hurt his hand while splitting but would never feel more painful than the revelation right after that Xie Lian only remembered Feng Xin and not him.
Of course, what would a mere servant who caused you so much pain and grief be worth remembering? Anyone would rather remember the happier things in life. As Xie Lian mentioned, he would rather remember having a nice hot steamed bun than some unhappy event that happened.
So obviously he would not.
Despite that Mu Qing still trusted him. Trusted him to still be that kind and good-hearted crown prince of their past. Naïve, innocent, righteous, and maybe just a little prideful from being the darling of the three realms.
It used to irritate Mu Qing in the past. But only up till now did he realise that it was still Xie Lian’s best traits. His friend was just that gentle and kind-hearted. Which has used to invoke good things, but much more of the bad, in his most humble opinion.
Yes, Mu Qing could finally really call him his friend. He truly wanted to be.
And he does feel stung. For all the times Xie Lian and Feng Xin thought the worst of him. For all the times they doubted him but he still turned out to be right. For all those times where they could flaunt that so-called privilege that Mu Qing had fought bloody till eight centuries to get.
But he never planned on confessing if he was not on his deathbed. Oh how welcoming the lava at Mount Tonglu seemed to him now. It was such a bitter confession. He felt that bitterness on his tongue as he awkwardly sputtered.
His highness still trusted him after all that. Which melted his insides and all his stubborn walls he put up with each growing year. That vulnerability clawed at Mu Qing from inside, spearing him on to the confession as the flames smothered him in a boiling embrace, and he was so certain this would be his last.
When he felt Xie Lian’s hand on his wrist, Mu Qing instinctively reclined and jerked a little, causing Ruoye to bounce a little. Xie Lian, more perceptive than he let on, chose to ignore that.
So here he was, eaten alive by his embarrassing declaration, but still very much alive.
And Jun Wu was once and for all, finally defeated.
Mu Qing was currently squeezed in a hug by both his best friends. After a while and a little out of breath he could only wince in pain as the injuries start to hurt once his adrenaline died down.
“Are you okay, Mu Qing?” Xie Lian lets go immediately, looking concerned.
“Yea… fine… just hurts a little…” Mu Qing mumbles a little.
“Shit! You are not fine! We got to get him to the medicinal gods your highness!” came Feng Xin’s loud but tainted with concern voice.
“I am! So quit yelling urgh…” Mu Qing replies with an unhelpful eyeroll.
“Guys… Feng Xin is right you know, your injuries are serious…” Xie Lian just sighs and stands up, reaching out to Mu Qing.
“I will help carry him your highness!” Feng Xin just volunteers, sensing Xie Lian’s intent.
“Oh, okay! That’s great! Now we need to get to the Xuan Zhen palace tent!” Xie Lian all but claps his hands together as Feng Xin picks Mu Qing up and starts walking.
“Put me down you idiot! I can walk!” Mu Qing protests. He has had enough of being coddled after all that embarrassing show earlier on.
Smirking Feng Xin really puts him down.
“Okay, Go ahead and walk if you can. Go on.” He goads. Trying to prove his point.
Well, Mu Qing being Mu Qing could never not rise to Feng Xin’s challenge. Being all burned and battered, Mu Qing just puts one wobbly foot down to start, only to feel that overwhelming pain shoot up his legs to his spine.
Huffing in pain, Mu Qing stubbornly continues another painful step before he groans and was about to face plant to the ground. Feeling two warm hands grabbing his arms and supporting his back, Mu Qing did not have to look to see who that was.
“Why the fuck are you so stubborn?!” came the voice above him, and a loud sigh.
“Can’t you just suck it up and accept the help? There isn’t any weird motive behind anything in case your pretty little brain is already running off.” Feng Xin continues.
Mu Qing inwardly curses Feng Xin for knowing him so well.
“Shut up. I am not weak so don’t you dare treat me as such.” The words tumble out before he could even think.
“No, you shut the hell up! No one is treating or thinking of you as weak! We are all bruised and battered from battle, so any normal person would know that it’s okay to need some help! And we are here helping you because you are our friend!”
Mu Qing felt like a thousand bricks hit him at once. Right. Friends. He just stares at Xie Lian and Feng Xin.
Xie Lian smiles awkwardly before breaking the silence.
“Ahh, it’s okay! Let’s just get to the Xuan Zhen palace tent to tend to your injuries first!” Xie Lian ever helpfully suggests before Feng Xin comes close and attempts to pick him up again.
“Stop it! Urgh!” Mu Qing just bats at his hands and squirms away further.
“What now?” Feng Xin frowns.
“I...” well Mu Qing was a little lost.
“Do you not want us to touch you?” Xie Lian asks.
“Urgh, what’s the big deal? We carried you before and sparred before so what’s about the touching now?” Feng Xin sighs a little.
“Just shut up! I… just give me a minute...” Mu Qing could only add.
Yes well, he was not adverse to their touches, more than on the normal. But to be seen being weak and carried? Well, Feng Xin already said that it was okay because everyone else was injured so no one would question him being weak.
He just could not stand it. Being this vulnerable in front of his now two friends. But is that not what friends are for? To be there for each other? Well, Mu Qing wouldn’t know, his views on friendship are too skewered by his broken but somewhat still functioning relationship with Xie Lian and Feng Xin.
They did trust him in the end. So it’s okay to be vulnerable in front of them too right? Mu Qing did not know anymore. He knew he was just exhausted and in need of possible treatment and rest.
Sighing he leans a little on Feng Xin.
And Feng Xin’s face instantly lights up like the overexcited puppy he is, but holds him so carefully like he might break.
“It’s okay, Mu Qing, we would be at your tent soon, then you can get treated and lots of rest!” Feng Xin assures.
He flushes a little at that when he looks up and sees Xie Lian smiling at him as well. The warmth of Feng Xin’s body somehow travels to his chest and spreads around his body as he buries his face lower.
Finally back in his tent, and having his injuries tended to, the severity of it finally hit him. Mu Qing truly felt the burning and tearing from within his body, threatening to rip his body apart. Fuck it hurt.
Gritting his teeth, Mu Qing could only sit and bear it till the healers finish healing and putting the bandages on him. The good thing was nothing else was broken over repair. The bad thing was his burns were not healing due to the cursed shackle which was still draining his strength.
Curse Jun Wu. How could he even hurt him like this even from the depths of hell? For once Mu Qing was somehow glad he did not give in to that creepy excuse of a calamity which made stalking Xie Lian his lifetime hobby.
Xie Lian and Feng Xin could only look on with worried faces. Xie Lian even offered his hand for Mu Qing if it was too painful, but Mu Qing would rather throw himself back into the lava then grab it. Great. Now they are not even going to be inconspicuous about not hating him.
Sighing, Mu Qing just pushed his hand away gently. “I’m okay, your highness.” He grits out, barely managing not to groan in pain.
“I know Mu Qing, but we are still here for you, and we want you to know that, okay? You don’t have to deal with this alone anymore.” Xie Lian offers a little smile, like he knew what Mu Qing was going through.
“Yea, just let us help you, okay? We are f-friends after all.” Feng Xin teases but worry still evident in his voice.
Mu Qing just rolls his eyes.
“I am not some maiden, so just quit babying me. Friends can do that too, no?”
Before Xie Lian could answer the healer stands up finishing the last of his bandages.
“I have done what I can, but as long as the cursed shackle is still here, the injuries and all are still going to heal pretty slowly. In the meantime, it’s best if General Xuan Zhen gets plenty of rest and refrain from walking too much.”
“Thank you.” Xie Lian answers, before Mu Qing could even get to it.
Mu Qing was about to protest he could answer for himself when the healer just leaves the medicine near his bedside and was shown out the door by Feng Xin.
Just a little shocked by the development, Mu Qing was about to get up from the bed when he feels the pain again. Wincing a little he sits back down when he caught Xie Lian and Feng Xin’s attention again.
“Hey! The healer just said you needed rest and not walk too much!” Feng Xin just pushes him back down gently.
Great. Now even Feng Xin was treating him like a piece of porcelain. That was just unacceptable in Mu Qing’s books. Since when was he and Feng Xin ever gentle with each other like this? He even carried him back to his tent?
Before Mu Qing could even protest more, Xie Lian just clapped his hands again, like he got another great idea, earning both their attentions.
“Right! Mu Qing can’t move too much! Okay, then let me tend to you!” Xie Lian beams at him.
Mu Qing and Feng Xin just stared at him with his mouth open.
“What? We can’t let you do that your highness!” Feng Xin argued. Before Mu Qing could even get another word in, Feng Xin continues.
“I should do it instead!”
Mu Qing almost throws up at that sentence.
What the heck is these two idiots doing? Why the hell are they deciding things for him now and speaking for him? Since when was this a thing? Was this what all friends did? They just drag you along their plans?
Okay that just sounded a lot like what Xie Lian used to do as crown prince. Maybe that was the premise of their friendship.
Xie Lian’s voice once again broke him out of stupor.
“It’s okay! I do want to do it! Besides, Mu Qing has always tended to me,” Xie Lian smiles a little fondly at him, like he was remembering all those times during Xian Le.
“I can do it too!” Xie Lian finishes a little too excitedly. Why was the prospect of tending to another person even exciting to him?
Sighing, Mu Qing just lays back down feeling exhausted. A lot has happened.
“Okay, then I can help!” Feng Xin adds, almost proud of himself.
Mu Qing just stares incredulously at them. He truly has some weird friends.
Feng Xin protests while Xie Lian smiles a little awkwardly at him. Oh he said that out loud. That was the last thing Mu Qing thought of before he dozed off.
Xie Lian sighs. Everything that has happened in the last few months were more than whatever transcended in the last eight centuries. He was the absolute happiest he had ever been since Xianle. He was reunited with his two friends that he most ardently depended upon since they were kids.
They were truly the solid rock in his life. The kind which turns into jewels and precious gems when polished. That was his analogy of them and it never stayed more true. They might have their tough times and breakups but they have always came through for him, all the time.
Which kind of breaks his heart when he knows Mu Qing never really considered themselves truly friends till his confession. They all had their circumstances and him being the prince, there were always still something he never experienced.
Only when Xian Le fell, and he was reduced to poverty, and mockery and all the brutal things life could ever throw at him in the form of a twisted individual, he could finally realize what his friend went through.
Xie Lian would make it right again. He would never let his friend go through that century long self-loathing ever again. He would never let him feel like he was less than him ever again. They were always equal, and Mu Qing’s hard work and achievements were the best testaments.
The fact that he ascended when everyone else thought a mere commoner could not. And how Mu Qing’s subordinates and followers loved him more than anyone at Xian Le palace ever would. How he was so adept at everything he did. He could truly make the heartiest meal, sew a perfect robe and kill the fiercest enemies in battle. And yet always took care of the people he cared for the most with the gentlest heart. Even if Mu Qing loathed to show it and took it for weakness.
Perhaps it was also because of this mind-set that Xie Lian once truly thought of him as indispensable and possibly took him for granted a little too much.
Which makes the loss of his friend so much more prominent when Mu Qing left them. How Xie Lian and Feng Xin depended on him for almost everything.
And how difficult the menial things Mu Qing did were when all he did was made it seem so effortless. They truly did not deserve him at all. Sure, they were all having their tough times. But have they even acknowledged his efforts and skill in making sure they were well cared for?
Have they ever thanked him for it? It was a thankless job. Other than to fight off poverty. He truly neglected them a lot. Even for Feng Xin. He could not even tell when Feng Xin was feeling lonely and needed company till he found out he still had family, except maybe in ghost form.
Now that his friend was incapacitated from saving him, Xie Lian decided that he would be the one to look after him. He might do a shabbier job than his friend since he was used to being alone, but he would always want to give his best for his friends. Including Feng Xin. Who went off to rest after Xie Lian insists on having him rest after having his own wounds taken care of.
Xie Lian checks with the medical gods on wound aftercare before going around the palace tents and looking for Xuan Zhen palace officials to help out. It turns out that they were too well trained by Mu Qing. They knew how he would want his palace ran in the event that he was not around. Especially when he went on long missions.
“It’s okay your highness! Our general would not want us to trouble you with the works of our palace!” almost all of the Xuan Zhen officials would tell him that. Which made Xie Lian a little sad. He would only rely on anyone if he really needed to. Which was rarely. And he actually trusted his subordinates more than his friends. It should be that way, since his own officials were meant to help him, but it stung more than it should.
With a few more pushes, Xie Lian finally got a subordinate to let him help out on some cleaning up for their last-minute put-up tent. Insistent that he would help his friend, he also offers to take some tea and the medicine to Mu Qing if he should wake.
Mu Qing could feel his crusty eyelids and that dull ache on his limbs. Groaning, he opens them slowly, seeing his familiar bedroom. Turning to try and get up, Mu Qing could only feel his limbs as heavy as lead and almost slumps back down on his bed.
Before he could try again, he hears his door open and sees Xie Lian walking in. He smiles at Mu Qing when he sees him.
“Oh you are awake! I am so glad! You were asleep for almost two days now! The medicinal gods have come over once or twice to change your bandages and taught me how! So I can do it instead and there is no need to trouble them. Oh, but they will still come by to check on your healing.”
Xie Lian continues ranting when Mu Qing could not even process half the information given to him.
“What are you doing here, your highness?” was the only thing he could say to cut him off.
“Ah, I will take care of you! Till you get better, okay? No objections allowed!” Like he knew Mu Qing would reject him right out.
Mu Qing truly loathed how they could read him like a book. Him and Feng Xin alike. Sighing, he looks down at his hands and feet, well, they looked horrible. And Mu Qing truly wanted to cry at being so vulnerable in front of him once more.
“Your highness, with all due respect, I…”
“Like I said, no objections allowed. And its Xie Lian, remember?” He casually states, smiling at Mu Qing.
“What would you like me to help you with first? A bath? Or a change of bandages? Oh! I think there is some food too! And medicine! But you would need to eat something first!” He fidgets around excitedly bringing almost everything that Mu Qing would want or need.
Mu Qing truly did not know whether to laugh or cry. What was his highness high on now? Taking care of him? Could he even take care of anyone? And did he mention food? He made food?
Mu Qing could feel his guts churning. Understanding grazes Xie Lian’s face as he quickly denies “Ah, its fine! The food was not cooked by me! It was cooked by your deputies.” He sees the sadness flash past his eyes.
“Then it’s okay, I can do it myself later. Right now, I will go take a bath.” Mu Qing proceeds to stand up but winces when the pain shoots up his legs.
An arm grasps him before he could fall.
“The medics said you need rest! And not to aggravate those wounds! So let me help you, please?” Xie Lian pleaded a little.
“I….” Mu Qing really did not want to sound weak in front of his friend or accept help. But they were friends. Friends do that, right? They show their vulnerable parts and feelings and help each other in times of need.
Sighing, he lets Xie Lian help him to the bath. After vehemently insisting that he could strip himself and go into the bath, Xie Lian prepares the water and comes back after Mu Qing gets into the bathwater.
His wounds stung a bit when the water touched it, but it was a lot better than before. Mu Qing was almost glad. Sighing, he hears soft footsteps coming in and feels the hands touching his hair.
“You have such pretty hair, let me wash it for you, okay? Or if you’d rather not, then it’s okay.” Xie Lian asks carefully.
Mu Qing blushes a little. Well, the only one who last touched or washed his hair was his mama.
“Yea sure.” He coughs out.
Fingers carded gently through his hair. Slowly massaging his scalp and applying the soap and oils. Resting his head back for Xie Lian to do as he wished, he hums a little pleasantly. It felt nice. The feel of gentle hands running through his hair.
He forgot how it was like to be cared for. Genuinely. Not just as a servant and master, but as a friend, and family. It made Mu Qing choke up. He brushed those awkward tears beginning to make its way out before Xie Lian could notice.
Drying his hair, Xie Lian ties a tiny braid before giving Mu Qing his robes. “Ahhh… maybe I should get your deputies to help with your robes…”
“It’s okay, I can wear it myself.” Mu Qing cuts him off. He would be damned if he let anyone else see him vulnerable again. Stepping out, Mu Qing grabs his robes that Xie Lian had prepared with the help of his deputies, wearing it before anyone could see his scar-ridden body.
Xie Lian noticed. But right now, all he wanted was his friend to heal fast and feel comfortable enough. Doubt creeps up on him as he watches Mu Qing put on his robes with just a little extra effort and panting due to the fresh wounds. The scars hurt him as much as it must have hurt his friend.
Maybe he doesn’t trust me. Maybe no matter how much I try I could never bridge this 800 year gap again.
Of course not. He was down in the mortal realm collecting scraps, while his friends stayed in immortality. Whatever they liked, or disliked, or even wanted would be different from when he last knew them. He truly was out of touch.
Why was he feeling like this now? He was supposed to be helping his friends.
Flashing a sad smile at Mu Qing, Xie Lian just says “I shall go get something for us to eat, yea?”
“Okay,” Mu Qing noticed, but pretended to hum a little absentmindedly, sitting down on his bed.
With that Xie Lian walks out of the room with quick steps. “Ow!” the sound startled Mu Qing back to reality.
And he sees Xie Lian laughing awkwardly at the source of the sound, Feng Xin. They must have bumped into each other, sporting a growing bump on both their heads.
Idiots. Mu Qing giggled quietly. And realized the two people standing at the entrance were staring at him in awe. The awkward atmosphere dissipated with their laughs.
“He laughed! Ahahaha” Feng Xin began laughing too.
“Oh, stop teasing him Feng Xin, he has a beautiful smile.” Xie Lian chimed in laughing quietly too.
Blushing furiously, Mu Qing just turned his head away.
“Shut up.”
“Is that any way to treat your friends who brought you food huh?” Feng Xin pouts.
“Yea no one told you to.”
Seeing an argument in the horizon, Xie Lian just waves again awkwardly “stop you two, and Feng Xin! What did I say about resting more? You still have wounds! Can’t you trust me to take care of Mu Qing?” a hint of sadness tinged his voice.
Feng Xin just looked down abashedly.
“It’s not that, I was just worried about him, your highness. And… we do trust you.” Feng Xin trailed off.
Sighing, Mu Qing rolled his eyes, tiredly.
“Yes, your highness, we trust you. Except for cooking. So thank you, Feng Xin for bringing the food, and can we eat now?”
The both of them widened their eyes at him.
Feeling self-conscious of their stares, Mu Qing just rolled his eyes again. “What? Did I say anything wrong?”
“You… thanked me…” Feng Xin looked at him with an unreadable expression.
“Yea for saving us from food poisoning so can we eat now please?”
“Hey! My food isn’t that bad!” Xie Lian protested a little weakly, but smiled, nonetheless.
Feng Xin laughed along.
“You know, you aren’t so bad yourself when you’re not being an insufferable bitch”.
“Shut up, if anything you are an insufferable oaf.”
“Hey! I am not!”
“Guys! Let’s just have lunch, okay?” Xie Lian stepped in again, smiling exasperatedly.
Grumbling, they sat down near the bed to eat. Seeing the scenery unfolding before him, Xie Lian could not help but smile fondly.
Maybe they did not change that much either. Maybe he could be with his friends again just like they were 800 years ago.
Just three boys, practicing, having fun, picking cherries, without the burden of country or worlds on their shoulders.
Maybe they could find each other again.
They still had many things to talk about, but for now, they can start with lunch first.