Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Pulsing….nagging.....scalding....lightning....shooting.....drilling....flickering....searing......drawing......stabbing.....shocking.....spreading....torturing. pain..pain..PAIN.

it was screaming in his head to lift his arms to push away whatever was causing the torturous pulsing all over his body.

he was screaming, thrashing, writhing, sobbing, yanking and pulling, and PULLING at the chains that bound his wrists to the walls and ankles to the floor.

the ebony boy couldn't hear anything over his piercing ferentic screams, his eyes were shut tight and spilling salty liquid down his pink plumpy cheeks.

he screamed and screamed, but eventually, his voice went rasp and weak, tears stopped rolling down his face, and he started getting weak with his tugging.

he couldn't even open his eyes at this point.

but then it all stopped.

whatever was attacking him stopped, it was pulled away and thrown back into a cage.

he heard it's whining, it's ear-piercing whining.

the brunet willed himself to stay conscious, he forced his eyes open and he saw blood everywhere, chunks of skin gone and torn.

he heard the clink of the chains being removed and dropped on the floor, the brunet forced himself up and he nearly passed out.

He tackled the person who saved him from the bitey creatures in a hug, which his foggy mind couldn't supply that it was Mori Ougai. he let himself be led to the medical room and he fell on the table, letting the doctor patch him up and stitch him up.

he didn't receive anesthesia, his savior said he didn't deserve it, but the young umber-haired boy didn't mind, he was too exhausted and happy that he stopped getting eaten.

he felt his eyelids get heavy as he watched the doctor work with experienced hands, and he soon fell into a deep slumber

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Dazai woke up in his cold unforgiving container, and he turned to the side, groaning loudly when he rolled on his stitches, which helped him remember last night.

he wanted to fucking die, he knew he fucked up the mission, he knew he did, but he didn't want to believe he deserved it.

out of the corner of Dazai's vision, he saw a bottle of painkillers, and he thought "Why not, it's not like I'll die or anything.."

He forced himself up despite his body screaming for him to lay still on the thin mattress. The ebony boy pouted out the pill bottle onto the excuse of a desk and grabbed an empty glass booze bottle, he started to crush up the pills, making them fine enough, and he put them in a few lines. the brunet didn't care to check the label, or how many pills he crushed.

Dazai took a deep breath and quickly did all the lines, immediately feeling a rush of happiness and being reminded of a reason to live,

he needed to live to feel this.

this is what life was for, doing drugs and fucking with Chuuya.

Speaking of Chuuya, Dazai snickered and called the ginger on his shitty Nokia phone, immediately getting an earful when the ginger answered.

"Dazai where the fuck are you?!, We have a mission to do and you're not anywhere! I called you 20 times, you asshole! you're lucky I don't find you and fuck you up! Shitty macke-"

Dazai hung up, his high fucked up mind thinking it was funny to do.

the brunet giggled loudly to himself but felt his vision getting spotty quickly,

"fuck. what did I take?" Dazai groaned, falling to his knees and crawling around till he grasped onto something that felt like a pill container, he brought it up to his face and squinted his eyes, trying to make out the blurry and fuzzy lines on the label.

he gave up and tossed the bottle over his shoulder, he'd let destiny take the wheel on this one.

if he was going to die today from an overdose, then he'd let it happen.

Dazai giggled and let himself fall onto the thin mattress, passing out almost immediately.

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Dazai was walking to the boss's office with a pounding headache; he regretted taking those drugs, he wished they killed him.

y'know what he needs? he needs some cheap beer; the kind that burns more than expensive ones.

As Dazai fantasized about alcohol, he made it to the office and slipped inside without knocking, knowing he could get shot in the face for doing so, and he hoped it would happen (although it never did).

Dazai walked to a chair in front of Mori's desk and sat, watching Elise in the corner drawing on the floor.

Dazai thought Elise was a creepy soulless freak.

"Osamu-kun, I need you to go on a mission," Mori suddenly spoke, catching the hungover Dazai off guard slightly, "You will be gone for around 48 months and will visit back occasionally," Mori continued.

"48 months?!" The bandaged boy gaped, interrupting Mori, "What in the everliving fuck could make me busy that long?!"

"Language, Osamu-kun, and you're going to a school." Mori calmly stated

"What?! Why a school?!" Dazai nearly shouted, making Elise give him an annoyed glare.

"It's called UA," Mori watched Dazai's expression change to a look of faux understanding.

Dazai wished he wasn't so hungover right now; because what the fuck is going on?

Chapter Text

Mori had picked up on Dazai’s confusion, and he sighed and shook his head with a sigh of irritation. “Osamu-kun, this mission is fairly important to me.”

“But why?,” Dazai pondered, tilting his head in faux curiosity, regretting his choice as soon as his headache doubled in pain.

Mori sighed, scowling, feeling a bit of annoyance that Dazai was pretending to be curious JUST to talk more. “I’m afraid that’s none of your business, Osamu-kun, you should take this mission seriously. Now you are dismissed, you leave tomorrow morning.”

Dazai growled at not getting his question answered and he rolled his eye, quickly getting up and leaving, making sure to slam the door shut.

Mori mentally groaned and called Elise over to distract him.

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Dazai whined as he kicked around stuff in his shipping container, “This is sooo not fair..”

Dazai started grabbing things and pilling them onto his thin mattress

he ended up with 2 pairs of clothes, some drugs, 10 rolls of bandages, sharp objects Mori didn't approve of, and a few unfinished alcohol bottles.

Dazai shoved it all in a pearly black suitcase and went on his way to his office that he didn’t use, hoping that he wouldn't run into a certain slug.

Once he was in his office, Dazai shoved his computer, phone, and a bunch of USBs into the suitcase, and he was all set and ready.

…Now was the part where he had to say goodbye.

Dazai nervously chewed his lip and took a deep breath,
deciding it'd be better if he just left without a word.

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How'd it end up like this?

Dazai was sat on a bench at Yokohama train station, biting the inside of his cheek and bouncing his leg nervously.

His train was set to board in 30 minutes, and he was pouty about setting up a background in Musutafu.

The entrance exam for UA didn't start for another few months, so why did he have to go set up a background now??!

Why couldn't Mori do it for him and lie??..

ugh, it's only tiring and makes Dazai want to go get drunk and miss the train. Maybe he can jump into the tracks and get hit. But he knows he can't, and he's going to be forced to go to Musutafu either way, and then Mori would be disappointed if he up and died.

Still.. why didn't Mori just have him go later on and just say he's a transfer?! Oh.. yeah the students of UA would whine about that being unfair probably.. but now Dazai had to train physically and buy stuff and try to make a stable background .. UGhhhh..

…I mean it's better than the dresses he used to wear, oh Dazai is so glad he just grew out of the age range Mori was into. Now instead of him being both a pervert and abuser, he's just an abusive asshole that likes kicking Dazai's ribs in.

The more Dazai thought and sunk into the bench, the more time passed, and soon enough the train was boarding!

Dazai immediately scooped up his case and scurried to the train to find his seat before it got too crowded.

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Great.

36 hours on a train.

Great!

Dazai internally whined as he buried his head in a flat pillow he brought.

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Now it's 3 in the morning and Dazai can't catch a wink of sleep. He hates the train, always has. He especially hates the perverts that keep asking if he wants a drink or if he's single, but they usually back off when he says he's 15. Usually. The brunet can feel his eyes drooping shut, but he shakes his head awake. Sleep is something he can't afford right now.

Dazai pulls out his phone and opens up snake.io.. it'll occupy him for the next 5 hours. Maybe more.

After a while he got bored and put his phone away, laying his head against the window of the train and looking outside as the train sped on the tracks. He decided to try walking around.

As Dazai stood up, he got hit with a wave of dizziness and he immediately sat back down, pouting and fiddling with his bandages as he waited a few minutes before getting up again.

This time he wasn't so dizzy, and he walked to the downstairs of the train to go look around. He could see there was a food area and a bathroom area on the first floor and he knew that there was a bathroom and a tabled area on the 2nd, and he stored that in his head as he continued to stalk around. Once he gathered enough information (he got bored), he went back to his seat and pulled out his phone again.

Dazai played games on his phone for the next twelve hours before slipping into a light sleep, which he didn't plan on.

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When Dazai wakes up, the train is already arriving at Musutafu. He yawns and he rubs his eye, his other eye itchy under the bandage. He's a bit pissy about having fallen asleep, as someone could have murdered him or worse in his unconscious state. He shoves his pillow in his suitcase hurriedly as he scrambles off the train. He hasn't slept that long in a while, it's slightly frightening.

As soon as Dazai is off the train he can immediately tell the difference between here and Yokohama. The streets were full of quirk users being noisy and attention seeking.

Dazai hated it. It was so.. new and unnatural. It felt like he was in a different country rather than just a new city. He would have gone mad if Yokohama was like this.

Dazai took his phone out and looked at the coordinates that Mori sent him, and he started walking in the direction stated while ignoring the annoying quirk users.

Eventually Dazai came across where Mori said he'd be staying temporarily. It was a hotel, and Dazai let out a soft pout while stepping inside the building and going to the counter.

He cleared his throat and waited until the worker was paying attention.

The accountant’s soft voice squeaked as she gently said, “oh! I'm so sorry I didn't notice you there, welcome to (random hotel), how may I help you, young man?”

Dazai felt his heart flutter at being called young man, it meant he passed, and he just felt an uncomfortable joy at the affirming words. “Ah, yes, uhm.. is there a room reserved under the name Ougai or Dazai?”

The accountant gently smiled and she took a few seconds to look up the room name and she nodded, “yes, there is, is this your room sir?”

He nodded, shyly, “I'm guessing you want proof or.. something?”

The accountant just chuckled and shook her head, handing Dazai a key, “I believe you kid, the room number is 412 on the fourth floor, here's the key”

Dazai gave her a soft smile before walking off to the stairs and starting to go up.

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Soon Dazai made it to his room, unlocked the door, and he flopped onto the bed as he dropped the suitcase into the floor.

Chapter Text

Its been a deathly boring week.

All Dazai has been doing is research and more research. No results. Its fucking useless.

He's trying to keep himself from getting distracted, but he always does. He's not getting any work done and Mori keeps pestering him!

Dazai was about to get something to eat so he doesn't starve to death, as it's much too painful for him, and he realized that he has no food or bandages in stock anymore! He doesn't even have clothes.. ugh.. how could he forget about that??!

The brunet sighed and put his coat on, putting his knife in his pocket and stuffing some money too. he's going to the mall, and then to the grocery store. He knows he stinks, he can smell it, but that's a problem for another time. Maybe he'll be able to get work done when he has a full stomach.

As Dazai's making a list in mind, he ties his shoes,

He gets up and yawns, stretching again. "Uuhghhh I don't wanna goo.."

Dazai pouts and walks over to the door, opening it and stepping out. He wonders when Mori will hire a fake family for him, he can't just live at a motel for the entire mission.

Dazai pads over to the elevator and he pushes a button, it opens and he steps inside.
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When Dazai arrives at the mall, he tugs his coat sleeves down a bit to cover his dirty bandages as he hurridly goes into a clothing store, Macy's (A/N: bruh idk it's like 3:00🧍🏼)

He grabs a cart and starts looking at graphic tees, putting some of what he assumes a normal teenager would have into the cart. He then goes over to the dress shirts and gets like 10 white shirts. Dazai walks over to the shoes section and grabs some tennis shoes, and some dress shoes, since his are falling apart and don't fit at all.

Dazai continued to shop until he turned around and bumped into someone who was rushing in his direction, making them both fall onto the floor.

Dazai let out a little pout and scowled at the person across from him on the floor, taking in what they looked like. The person has red and white hair, colors split right in the middle. They appear to be a similar age to Dazai. One thing sticks out though, the kid has a huge fucking scar on the left side of their face, like someone poured boiling water all over them as a child.

"watch where you're walking, peppermint stick," Dazai mumbled,getting up and brushing off himself.

He felt.. oddly connected to this stranger, like they were similar in a way. He couldn't help but be a bit teasing, who knows how the stranger would respond to it!

The stranger just sits there, a cold expression on their face as Dazai got up. Their glare hardened as Dazai held out his hand to them, and they took it.

"..thank you." The stranger mumbled

Dazai internally pouted and whined, 'that’s it? This guy is so bland.. flavourless,' he took a small breath before saying, "you're welcome." and let his hand go, turning around and going back to shopping .

The stranger stays there for a little bit, before turning away too and going back to their activities.

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As Dazai arrives back at his place, he feels heavy. Like his heart aches. He decides to go to bed.

Chapter Text

As Dazai lies there, tired, bored, and depressed, he wonders what he could do. Right. He reeks. He should bathe; the last bath he had was when he was a child, and besides, he’s not in the right headspace for a shower.

Dazai begrudgingly gets out of bed, slinking his coat off and starting to lazily unbutton his shirt, gently shrugging it off his shoulders as he pads to the restroom.

He had covered the mirror with a towel a few days ago, but now, he wanted to see himself. He took his shirt fully off before tugging the towel off the mirror, and he flinched harshly the moment he saw himself.

Dazai took a deep breath before looking into the reflective glass, taking in the sight of himself.

He watched his unblinking empty eyes, heavy sunken eye bags, awfully dilated pupils. He looked inhuman. His hair’s state resembled one of a sewer rat’s fur. Dazai looks more at himself, trying to look at all the details; the small zits scattered across his face, along his forehead, his skin is a pasty white, nearly resembling a ghost, his lips are in a soft pout, his lips are chapped badly and cut from repetitive biting, they’re a pale ugly pink.

He glances away from his horrid face, downward, his neck wounds are hardly covered with his bandages; jagged scars blossom outwards from the bandages, faint pink ragged lines. He gently reaches his hands up, picking the edge of the bandage off, unraveling them slowly.

He can't do it anymore.

He looks greasy,

rotten,

dead;

not human.

He needs to buy makeup soon.

Dazai puts the towel over the mirror once more, gentle, graceful, as if he’d harm it. He then gently unbuttons his pants, too fearful of looking, he takes a small shaky breath and closes his eyes, hurridly tugging his pants and boxers down.

He can’t look, not now.

He can’t.

He keeps his eyes shut tightly and hurridly tears off his thigh bandages.

He then slips off his socks and scrambles to the bath, it's full now.

It’s warm, safe, home. There’s bubbles. He likes bubbles. He opens his eyes gently and climbs inside the bath.

Now inside, he gently unravels the bandages on his chest, as gentle as a mouse. He’s not looking, he can’t look, but he gets the bandages off. Dazai softly blinks up at the mildew ceiling, it’s rotting, like him. He feels at home. A rotting corpse in a rotting room. He hates the smell of rotting flesh that’s starting to become apparent. He pumps soap into the water and lets the soap smell grow, soap is safe.

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After his bath Dazai pads to bed wearing nothing but his boxers.

He lays in the bed and sighs, it’s nearly morning.

He’s so exhausted but he’s unable to sleep.

He starts to think about the day earlier, the boy lingers in his mind, the peppermint boy. With his red and white hair.

“Was that hair natural?” his mind wondered, “How long would it take to piss him off?”

“What’s his name?” Dazai wants to know everything. “What if we have class together?” “What if we become close?” “What would Mori say?” “What the boy hates me?” “What if we never talk?”

Dazai knows he shouldn’t be curious. He knows attachments are bad. But what’s so wrong with having a guilty pleasure?

Dazai bites his lip, hard. He is not some schoolgirl.

He shouldn't be so giddy about someone he doesn’t know; he’s the demon prodigy, he’s emotionless, cruel, and alone.

He’s not a child. He’s not a girl.

He’s not.

He’s a boy, he’s tough, he likes women, he likes beating people up, he likes drugs and alcohol.

Not cute peppermint boys.

Dazai slams his face into his pillow and sighs, maybe it’s time to get up and do work. Maybe. in a minute. Any minute now.. Any minute… any..

Dazai fell asleep, half-naked in his cold room, wet like a dog, on his own. Like always.

Chapter Text

Dazai wakes up, feeling groggy and shitty, his skin feels soft and gross, his hair is fluffed up like a bristled kitten.

He decides that maybe it's time to actually try working, practicing, or researching. no more slacking off or procrastinating.

time is running out, but he can feel his face drooping already.

Should he try coffee? it’s not like he’s never drank it before, but he’s never actually made it on his own, Mori always used to make it for him.

Dazai lets out a small whine and sits up, his stomach fucking hurts like a bitch. He's cranky. He decides coffee will be fine, there's probably something in the building lobby.

He gets up, he feels terrible. He pads over to his dresser and tossed a baggy shirt on and some sweats. he can feel himself sweating already, his face hot. what if he messes up and does it wrong? What if he gets looked at?

He knows he probably shouldn’t be worrying about it, but he can’t help it. He looks down at his arms, debating whether to wear bandages right now or just tough it out since he's just going downstairs and to the lobby. He decided to tough it out.

Dazai put on his slippers by the door before leaving and padding down the hallway. He watched the walls, they were a dull yellow and stained by smoke. He ran his hand against the wall as he walked to the stairs.

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When he got to the stairs, he held the railing tightly as he slowly descended down the stairs. He froze on the 5th step. There was a weird big guy in the lobby, with hair the color of fire and eyes as blue as the sea. He was very loud. He looked like a pro hero.

There was someone else with the man, a smaller quiet boy. Dazai leaned over the railing and squinted at him, trying to see his appearance. Oh, it was the peppermint boy! His peppermint boy! He couldn't help but watch for a little while, and Dazai couldn't help but think that the older man was the boy's father. He tried to strain his ears to listen to their conversation, he couldn't hear much, but he caught a name. It was hard to miss it since the older man was yelling.

Shoto.

The peppermint boy was named Shoto! Dazai was going to listen further, but he couldn't breathe clearly as the boy suddenly looked up and made eye contact with Dazai for a moment. Dazai flushed and scrambled back up the stairs, nearly falling over his own feet.

He ran into his room and slumped down on the floor, feeling his heart pound in his chest frantically. But then there was a knock at his door, he panicked harder and quickly put on a coat to cover his arms and zipped it all the way up to cover his neck as well. He then stood on his tiptoes and looked through the peephole.

It was Shoto! Damn. What did he want?!? Dazai unlocked his door and peeked out of it

“Hellooo?” Dazai's voice shook as he tried to sound cheeky.

“It’s you again! Why were you watching me and my father? Are you a villain?.” Shoto’s voice was oddly monotone and dull, and he looked like he was trying way too hard to be serious; Dazai found it pretty cute.

“I-uhm” Dazai was a bit startled, but decided to play into it for his own amusement. “Yea I am a villain, and I'm gonna sell you to the scaryy Mafia!~” Dazai teased, opening the door a little more to boop Shoto on the nose. Shoto looked a bit worried, but was trying to seem tough. Dazai grabbed Shoto by the hand and pulled him into the room.

“Soo what're you doing here at this apartment complex?~ was that man your daddy?” Dazai sat down on his bed and his face was obviously a bit red, but Shoto seemed oblivious.

Shoto snapped at him a bit, “My father was called here for a DA (domestic abuse) suspicion. I'm going to tell my father that you are a villain and planning to traffic me to an illegal organization-”

Dazai cut him off by petting his face a bit, watching Shoto recoil before speaking, “Shhh.. I was just kidding~ I won't sell you, silly. That's such a dumb thing to do! Sooo, are you gonna apply to UA?”

Shoto glared at him a bit before replying, “why'd you say you would do that then? I don't like liars.”

“for a reaction, now answer meee~” Dazai pouted, patting Shoto's hair again.

“Yeah I'm going to UA, obviously. My father is the #2 pro hero.” Shoto mumbled, batting Dazai's hand away.

“Soooo~ your name is Shoto right?” Dazai put his hands in his lap, feeling giddy and excited to talk. He didn't want to talk too much and be annoying, but Shoto seemed kind. A bit blunt, but kind. Maybe not too kind, but kind enough for dazai.

Shoto closed his hands together, “Yeah, Shoto’s my name, what is your name?”

“I'm.. um.. “ Dazai knew that his name was recognizable, as he was practically an urban legend.

A hoax. The demon prodigy Dazai osamu. People spoke about him everywhere. He had to make a name up so that he actually wouldn't get in trouble.

“shuuji.. I'm shuuji tsushima” Dazai mumbled, feeling the name on his tongue. It wasn't too bad but not great either, but Dazai didn't care enough to pick something amazing.

Then they heard a loud booming voice shout for Shoto, it was more like a scream, which made Shoto jolt with a flinch,

“My father is requesting me, I should go. Bye Shuuji, I'll see you around?” Shoto raised the pitch of his tone just slightly, as if he actually cared about Dazai's life. And he had spoken faster than before, dazai knows Shoto's trying to rush away to his father.

“You'll definitely see me around, Shoto.” Dazai felt a bit sad to say goodbye, but he had more important things to do today.

Dazai reached out slightly as Shoto slipped out the door, hoping that he would just come back and never leave.

It's not like Dazai loves Shoto or anything, he just wants to be friends.

Yeah. Just friends.

No, friends are for weaklings. He wants them to be.. acquaintances?

Peers?

Pawns? Eh..
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What was Dazai doing earlier again? He forgot. Right. He needs to at least train a little bit. Maybe like 40 sit ups and then he'll go off from there.

Chapter Text

It was nice out. It was sunny. It was perfect. He wanted to walk around. Maybe even just sit on the balcony.

Dazai padded over to the balcony and opened the curtains, peeking out before opening the door and stepping out. He climbed onto the railing and just sat, absorbing the sun like a cat. The entrance exam was soon, in about 2 months, dazai was feeling a bit anxious. All the people would be unbearable. The heat was so comforting, he felt like he was melting away.

But Dazai's peace was soon disrupted by hearing someone shouting, who could they be talking to? Dazai shot up from his slouched position, looking at who was yelling at him. It was a small trembly boy, with green fluffy hair and big wet eyes. The kid was covered with freckles.

The boy yelled again, “H-hey! Get off the edge, please? You're gonna get hurt! you have a lot to live for!”

Dazai wanted to tease the kid, so he slipped over the railing and stood on the very edge of the balcony, grinning playfully.

The boy seemed to panic further, bawling, “d-dont jump! Please! Please!!” The kid was screaming. It made Dazai feel a bit warm inside.

Dazai meanly stuck his tongue out at the kid and jumped off, it wasn't too high, just a few stories. And he landed with a small umfh. The kid ran over to him and helped him up, checking him over and seeing if he was okay. The kid was mumbling like crazy.

“Chill out you rain cloud. I'm fine, hmph.” Dazai bats the kid's hands away. “Why do you even care anyway? What if I was dangerous and wanted to harm you?”

“I don't care what happens to me, I want to protect all people! No matter what! Just like all might!!” The boy squealed defensively.

Dazai chuckled. How naive.

“H-huh? Why're you laughing?” The boy asked, getting even more defensive.

“You're funny. Are you a comedian?” he teases, noticing how the kid got even more embarrassed. Dazai supposed that he missed Chuuya, his fiery comebacks and defensive demeanor; but he knew he would be over feeling attached like that soon. (GUYS I'M SORRY ILL FINISH THIS CHAPTER SOON!!! it's like 1/3 finished)