Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

a little reckless around the edges

it was honestly impressive how reckless the asim heir could truly be at times — seriously, jamil had left him alone for 5 minutes and he had already managed to get himself injured. times like this were when he wondered how he would survive as the head of the asim family.

"kalim, give me your hand." a discontent sigh escapes the brunettes lip, taking kalim's hand into his and tracing over the cut. "i told you not to use knifes, especially without supervision." the white haired boy chuckled sheepishly as he bandages his wound. it's a small one, but he's still the heir of the asims.

he couldn't ever catch a break with his unpredictable self.

call it young dumb love and it's just enough / to keep me guessing how the story unfolds with you.

jamil remembers the first time he met kalim.

red ruby eyes that flickered across the room in excitement. how he held out his hand to jamil with a warm smile. sometimes, thinking about his smile makes his cheeks feel warm — but that's just the effect kalim has on everyone, right? someone as bright as the sun. it was no wonder why he was so attached to him ; they became close friends, despite their statuses.

sometimes he wishes he was unaware of the difference between the two again.

when im walking into the darkness / i know you'll be right there lighting up the flares

he didn't know when he started to resent kalim. it happened slowly over time, his anger boiling inside of him at every sound of laughter that escaped his lips. he doesn't even remember what it was like when he enjoyed time with him — did he ever enjoy his time with kalim? he doesn't remember the months and months of planning for his downfall. it feels like a blur to him —but he knows it happened. he knows what he's done is unforgivable. yet, even so, kalim still doesn't seem to hate him. he extends his hand — and for a moment, jamil can vividly picture what it was like when they were children again — and he smiles. no matter what he does, he knows that kalim will always return for him.

jamil can't tell if he likes that.

when it's starless / i will follow you to the moon.

he can't remember the last time they've done this — stargazing on the magic carpet.

its been a long time, jamil thinks. too long. it feels nice being able to watch the world below, the wind pushing against his face. neither exchange words with eachother, but there is none needed. for a moment, it feels as if they're just two people in the world. for a moment, jamil forgets about being a viper.

for a moment, jamil considers kalim a friend.

no we'll never fall apart / even million miles apart / we were lightning from the start

it's strange. even after jamil is taken by the styx, he still catches himself worrying about kalim.

apart of him is happy — no more of his nonsensical pestering. but the other part betrays him as he sits down in the dark, hands cuffed. he wonders,

would kalim be okay if he was taken instead?

would you be okay if kalim was taken?

the question catches him off-guard — of course jamil would be fine without kalim. infact, he'd be overjoyed. yet, when he sees kalim in the artificial world idia created, he doesn't notice how his shoulders relax and his frown slips off his face. not until leona points it out afterward.

maybe he's been spending too much time with kalim.

and it keeps me going to know that / ooh, no matter what, you got me, i got you / and i wouldn't have it any other way

when he returns from styx, he finds himself completely drained. he almost is happy when he sees kalim. almost. that is, before he's tackled to the ground. kalim's words are sputtered out so fast that he can barely understand anything. he's crying and hugging him so tight, he wonders if it's possible he's broken a bone from the hug. yet he doesn't feel the ire rising in chest, nor a strained smile forming on his face.

instead, he's only left with warmth — the warmth of kalim's hold. it's only been two days, yet it feels as if his view on kalim has changed. it's only been two days, right?

jamil can't remember when his strained smile became a genuine one.

no drop of doubt, i know deep down that / we'll make it through, just like we always do.

even after all that has happened, kalim still treats him as a friend. it's strange to him — he had almost killed him. he would have. yet, kalim still holds his hand tightly, dragging him along towards diasomnia. a farewell party for lilia, one of kalim's friends. jamil makes a mental note to thank lilia for dealing with kalim's antics.

goodbyes have never meant anything to jamil — since he was young, he was sent to care of the asims. he never had time to make friends, so there were no goodbyes to be made.

yet there's a sinking feeling in stomach when he thinks of the two parting — it'll happen at one point, he knows. he doesn't want to be a servant forever.

but the thought of leaving something that he's known his entire life — at first, it sounded exciting. but now? he's not so sure.

"jamil? are you okay?" he feels a tight squeeze on his hand, bringing him away from his thoughts. kalim has stopped walking, a slight look of concern on his face. it's strange how much he cares for jamil — isn't he the servant? why should he care about his well-being?

he doesn't answer, opting for a small hum of affirmation. kalim smiles, giving his hand another tight squeeze, as they continue walking towards the castle. this time, however, his hold stays a bit loose.

maybe jamil's only noticed it now — kalim hasn't been treating him the same. he's grown more cautious, more wary of his feelings. it feels nice, but strange, knowing his grip is loose enough for him to slip away if needed, yet firm enough to hold him if he wants to.

jamil holds his hand a bit tighter.

Chapter Text

every second, every minute / when you're close to me like you're supposed to be / ain't no limit to what i would do for you

kalim doesn't remember the last time he wasn't with the eldest viper watching over him. infact, he doesn't think there was a time he was without jamil. since he was a little boy, he had everything taken care of by countless maids and servants. he was always being watched — yet, he still felt lonely. 

that was, until he met jamil. he remembers the excitement that coursed through his body — a feeling he'd learn to be familiar with.

and you know, you turn my whole world upside down / catch me before i ever hit the ground / and i'd do the same for you

whenever kalim finds himself introuble, he's always there. 

he promises he didn't mean any harm at all — he wanted to help out jamil, so where else to start then in the kitchen? 

anywhere else, thats where. before he even realized, he had hissed in pain, small spots of crimson appearing on his index finger.

suddenly, his hand is taken into a familiar warmth with tender care. jamil is so gentle with him despite the annoyance in his voice.

kalim hopes that one day he can take care of jamil, just like he has all these years.

no we'll never fall apart / even million miles apart / we were lightning from the start

his chest felt heavy with emotions — usually, when this happened, it was filled with warmth and excitment. but kalim could only feel the cold and bitterness of jamil's words. theres tears rolling down his cheeks, yet he cant help but feel selfish.

how can he be the one crying? all his life, he has gotten everything he's ever wanted — including the unwanted. jamil has got nothing, yet he's the one crying like a selfish fool.

part of him wishes he had realized sooner — would that have made a difference? would anything he do be worth it in the end?

the other half keeps a smile on his face throughout all the pain he feels. all the regret, the guilt that sinks down in his stomach. how desperately he wants to hide in cowardice and cry as he always does — but jamil doesn't have that option like kalim does. so he has to be brave inorder to understand him more, right? 

if he cries, that means all the things he was given — all his wants, all the unwanted attention — it was all useless from the beginning. so he'll continue to smile for jamil — that way, jamil wont have to take care of his selfish self again.

and it keeps me going to know that / ooh, no matter what, you got me, i got you / and i wouldn't have it any other way

he's pacing around the room frantically — how could this happen? why did it have to be jamil? why couldn't it have been him?

he's no stranger to abductions — as a child, he remembers the feeling of rough hands with malicious intent. yet he knows jamil has never had to feel those rough hands that grab your wrist so tightly and throw you mercilessly into a cold cellar.

jamil doesn't deserve this, not after all that he's gone through. kalim can't help but feel even more guilt. he almost cries — almost. but he isn't the one currently being taken away, is he? how selfish could he be? again, his head is met with the fist of his hand. 

he's angry that he would think to cry and be selfish, so he instead hides it with a smile.

no drop of doubt, i know deep down that / we'll make it through, just like we always do.

maybe all the guilt has finally got to him — sinking in his stomach, piling until he drowns in it.

as you deserve.

again, hes being selfish, sulking in self pity when he should be saying his farewells to lilia.

lilia. right.

kalim's never dealt with loss before. everything has been at his fingertips since the day he was born. its strange, the thought of farewells. why do people have to leave? can't they stay together forever?

he glances at jamil from the corner of his eye, but they don't meet.

jamil will leave one day. hes aware, yet the thought still haunts him. someone hes known all his life — his best friend. could he even consider him his best friend, if jamil hated him?

sometimes he wonders if there was ever a time where jamil genuinely liked him. 

sometimes he's sure there isn't. 

"jamil, are you okay?" he squeezes his hand in reassurance. can he even ask that? after all that he's put him through, is it really okay for him to be concerned for him?

the eldest viper replies with a hum and a slight nod of affirmation. 

maybe it's time kalim finally grows up. that way he won't burden jamil anymore with endless responsibilities. 

he loves jamil for jamil, but jamil loves kalim for the al asim family.

just as he's about to let go — part their intertwined hands for a final time — he feels a warmth squeeze his hand, keeping it in place.

theres no words shared between the two friends, yet there doesn't need to be. he feels a genuine smile slip onto his face — something he hasn't felt since that sinking guilt in his stomach.

kalim embraces the warmth of his hand.