Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

I was listening to this song and then went "Wait I have never seen a Fan Fic of this😱" so here we are lol

Ik this song has some other pretty nasty meanings in it I mean Chino intended the song to be gross. I am writing this in a more
"Finding my sexuality." way? If you read it you'll know it's hard to explain. I am gonna reference things here and there in the song though since
It was inspired by the song and some events in it are as well will be referenced from the song.
uh enjoy lol.

Chapter Text

Another day at this shitty ass school. I've been attending St. John Vianney Academy, a Catholic school in Bakersfield California. My parent sent me here hoping it would "Get rid of the homosexuality." In me. smh. You know, I'm not even sure if I'm gay... I Like Girls... Maybe I like guys? No! I'm not a fag!
I shake my thoughts away and close my locker after taking out my textbooks. I sigh and begin to walk to my 1st period of the day. I look these halls up and down. So fucking plain... it's almost like a prison filled with people who fucking hate me and wanna kill me. Oh, but these Christians wouldn't do such sort huh? They would If they weren't so deep up God's ass and reading their little Bibles of FAKE! Maybe I'm going too far... I just don't know how these people can believe in such a person. I mean, he's never done anything for me... All these people do is whine and bitch about needing a miracle or a sign for help. Help your fucking selves!
I walk into my English class and sit at my desk, at the very back of the classroom where no one can notice me. Everyone else was out of their seats chatting up they're friends and a few guys and girls were gathered in a bunch staring, laughing, pointing, snickering, and giggling in my direction. I'm used to it... all these Christian girls didn't want a faggy boyfriend, a nerd, a freak, they wanted some hot stud with good grades, rich, and went to church every Sunday. I lost hope in dating after I got turned down by this girl I had a crush on in my sophomore year. She humiliated me. I'm now in my senior year and I live by my advice. Don't date, fuck friends, just focus on graduating and then I'm getting the fuck out of here! I'll prove all these fuckers wrong. And my parents. (Shit I sound like an edgy loser) "Class! Sit down now so I can announce some news!" Mrs. Shaffer said setting her books onto her desk and waving her hand at the door. Mrs. Shaffer was my closest friend James' mother. She was the only reason I could tolerate this school. "Class, today we have a new student joining us today! I wanna introduce you guys to Mister Durst!" "Please Mrs. Shaffer, Fred if you insist." He was tall, with a red baseball cap on, untucked uniform, oh my god. "There's an open seat in the back right next to Davis over there!" Fred knodded his head as he made his way to his seat next to me. As he sat down I couldn't help but stare but quickly I looked away and tried to focus on Mrs. Shaffer. "Psst." I looked around confused but ignored the noise. "Pssssttt hey you, what class is this?" It was Fred. He was talking to me? "Uh it's English... did you read the outside of the door before you walked in?" "No, I guess I didn't..." I rolled my eyes and went to open my book. "Hey, I'm Fred." He held out his hand for a handshake. I returned the favor. "Jonathan." "Nice, hey Johnny, you got an extra book?" "Don't call me that, and do I look like I have an extra book?? Those fucking things are expensive!" I said sarcastically. "Hey, I thought id ask sorry if I pissed you off dick." "Hey don't start shit with me Im not in the mood to be shit-talked by some new guy who thinks he's cool with his backward hat and untucked shirt!" "Whose shit talking? I asked for an extra book Jesus..." We both went silent, I continued to read the page in my book before I decided that maybe I was a little harsh... I shoved my book into the middle of the desk between me and Fred. He looked over and smiled. "Change of heart?" "Shut up and hurry up! were on page 165." As Fred read the page I pulled out my pencil and paper, I couldn't help but slightly smile. I felt so nervous all of a sudden. My heartfelt... fluttery?

Chapter Text

I stare at Fred from across the lunchroom. Did they really let such a sinner into a school like this? Fuck, but I don't know... I felt so nervous when Talking to him. The feelings I got were so unusual for me. I begin to look down at my shitty sack lunch. I always sat alone at lunch. I mean, I don't have friends- well that's a lie... I Have James (Who we actually called Munky), Brian (Head), Reggie (Feildy), And David. They all went to a normal school so I couldn't really hang out with them.

"Hey Johnny!"
Fred smirked sitting down at my table.
"I said don't call me that..."
I looked down at my pudding and fiddled with the spoon in it.
"What do you want?"
Fred threw his sack lunch onto the table and pulled out a turkey sandwich.
"Well you look lonely, I ain't got no place to sit, and this table is empty, It's a score really."
As Fred began to eat his lunch I stared at him, His eyes were the bluest iv ever seen on a person.
"So Fred... Where ya from?"
Fred looked up at me.
"Jacksonville."
He continued to eat.
"Why would you come here?"
"I had no choice, My parents are really strict. I got kicked out of my old school for alcohol and marijuana so they decided maybe my bad behavior would change if we got outta that place and went to a catholic school, Kinda fucked huh?"
"Yeah, sure..."
I went back to my pudding. Fred finished off his lunch and then shoved all his trash back into the bag.
"Why are you here?"
I looked back up at Fred whose eyes stared into my soul, It made me kinda nervous to speak.
"I've been here since sophomore year, I'm here for "Great education" and "cure that promised to erase the symptoms that stood between you and your goal." as my parents would say..." "Jesus, they must be really religious huh?" "I guess so." If you think I was gonna tell Fred that I was here for being a Homosexual then you're really fucking wrong! "This religious bull shit is just too complicated I feel like I'm just being forced to be a part of this shit. It's all so ugh..." "I get it." Said, Fred."Forever and ever, one nation, under the Father, the Son, and the Holy. In Jesus' name. Amen." I smiled at Fred one last time before I decided to just not eat my gross pudding. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I look at myself in the bathroom mirror, Blood pooling into the tissue from my nose, fuck Im having such a great day. (Sarcasm is included...) I wipe away my tears quickly with the sleeve of my uniform and sniffle. I should be used to these pricks at school beating on me, usually I can withstand them but today's just been such dog shit. I wanna die or to just be anywhere than here. My nose wouldn't stop bleeding and it was irritating. Oh, who cares if I don't make it to class I'm already 20 minutes late.... I went to grab another tissue from the paper towel dispenser when I ran into Fred. "Hey Johnny, I have run into you a lot today." I rolled my eyes. "Fuck off Fred! I snatched the tissue from the dispenser and walked over to the sink grabbed my books and shit, and then walked into the handicap stall slamming it closed and locking it. "Hey Jon? You good?" "Go away!" I sat on the floor holding the tissue in my nose. "Hey, chump I ain't leaving till I figure out what's wrong with you." I pushed my long hair out of my eyes and then sighed. "Why aren't you in class??!" I looked under the door to see a pair of legs, assuming that Fred was leaning on the door. "I'm skipping." I swallowed the lump in my throat, "On your first day?" "Yeah.." replied Fred, "I took one look at that teacher and said nope! Bitch is yelling at everyone, I'll show up tomorrow..." I let out a soft chuckle then took the tissue out of my nose. The bleeding finally stopped, slightly. "You can't hide in that stall forever." I got up with my stuff in my hand and opened the door. "I'm fine, just some fuckers who jumped me." I walked over to the sink, turned the hot water on, and began to wash the dried blood off. I realized there was also a bit of blood on my uniform, I didn't bother trying to get the stain out. "You're telling me you just got your ass whooped and ur "fine?" If I were you I'd kill them or shove their heads up each other's asses." "Fred it's not that easy do you not realize that I'm a loser? A freak? A "fag" it's kinda easy to tell. I have no friends... Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to Bible study..." Fed scoffed then crossed his arms. "Fuck Bible study." "It's required... if I miss it, I'm dead." Fred began to follow me into the hall, "Hey, Johnny listen, your cool and I wouldn't mind hanging with you the rest of this year. I mean what do you got to lose? It's a fucked up world but we're just two people living in it. Me and you seem alike so maybe we can live in this fucked up world together? whaddayah say?" He held his hand in the air waiting for a high-five. I smirked slapping his hand. "Cool uh follow me, The bible study room is over here." Fuck fuck fuck.

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Fuck. This is so wrong... so fucking wrong... Im not a faggot. I'm not I can't be. Fucking christ fuck you, Fred Durst!! I hate your fucking guts for making me have these feelings for you. I'm a fucking walking sin! I continue to kneel at the pew. " So your troubles continue to multiply and to grow in a direct result of your being misguided. Deceived. Misdirected. Or fooled. All themes are variations of the basic ego gloried wide theme in which you follow the gospel truth." I sit up and begin to leave the church to meet my friends outside who are waiting. ___________________________________________________________________________________ "Fuck guys I don't know..." "C'mon Jon! She's totally your type!" Head says playfully punching my shoulder. "What If I'm not interested in anyone right now? And I totally doubt some girl is dying for me to take her out..." Munky sits next to me on the car hood and cracks open a beer. "Want one?" "Sure." Feildy tosses me a beer and as I open it David asks me a question. "Anything new as that lame-ass god worship school?" I take a swig of my beer, twisting my hair, "Not much I mean... the average pricks beating on me, Bible study, oh hey! And Met some new guy During that class Munky's mom teaches." "Oh?" says Munky, "Do we know this guy?" "Probably not. He's from Jacksonville, Fred Durst, We've been chilling the last 2 or 3 months." "Hey, you should bring him around! You didn't think to tell us about this guy?" Yeah sure maybe, He's kinda a dick though." "Jon you're a dick but we're friends with you." Joked Feildy. "Fuck you guys!" "So Jon should I tell Amber you wanna take her out?" "NO!" _________________________________________________________ I couldn't focus on my homework in 1st period. I couldn't stop writing Fred's name in my notebook and drawing little hearts around it. I know If I was a true believer of god I'd be going to hell. God hates Gay people. But could I even say I was gay? There had to be a word for it, For my attraction to girls and guys. Fred was late to class like usual... this time he was only 15 minutes instead of 30. He threw his bag on the ground and sat down in his seat next to me. I quickly flipped the page in my notebook and began to doodle. "What'd I miss Johnny?" "Uh... I don't know I have had my head in the clouds." "Pfft when do you not?" Fred slouched in his chair. I just couldn't keep my eyes off him." "You got a staring problem, Johnny?" "Sorry..." I looked away quickly and tried to just focus on Mrs. Shaffer for the rest of class. After class, I walked into the restroom between passing periods. If I'm being honest, I didn't really wanna go to algebra. I'm not one to skip class but I really wanted to. "Hey Jon." Huh? I turned around. "Fred? hey?" Fred approached me, holding out a notebook in front of him. MY NOTEBOOK! "Hey uh, I found you're notebook in English." FUCK! I snatched it from his hands. Jesus fucking Christ I hope he didn't see anything! "Quick question... The poems and shit... Are they about me?" I'm FUCKED!

Chapter Text

"F-Fred let me explain I-"
I could feel judgment in his eyes. Fuck I really did it, Iv ruined everything!
"I didn't know you felt that way is all..."
Huh?
"Kinda suspected you liked me a few weeks ago." My heart felt like it might explode with how scared I was. am I having a heart attack? "Y-... You're not mad or think I'm... weird??" "Not at all I mean who would like such a good lookin guy like me?" "Ha so funny Fred, Let's not get too cocky now." "Cocky? That's just what you're thinking in your little brain of yours Johnny." "Fuck you!" Fred came closer to me with a smirk, "Oh, I know you want to huh?" "W- what no. Shut the fuck up! You're twisting my words-"

Suddenly I felt closer to Fred.
"What was that one poem? the one talking about how mad I drive you, But how desperately you want me to do things only the devil would command a person to do? The devil's tango was how you described it."
I felt an arm wrap around my waist, Freds. He pulled me closer to him. Fuck it was getting me off. I just stare into his eyes. Fuck. seconds felt like hours. Fred leaned in for a kiss. his lips, so soft. my pent-up excitement made me shake. I cup his face as Fred holds on tighter to my waist, Pulling me in closer than before. Suddenly, I pull away quickly. "What is it?" asked Fred, concern resting in his eyes. "I... I cant do this. Fuck I just can't I'm sorry." I unravel my body from Fred's arm and walk to the bathroom door. "Why cant you huh? Are you scared to be called a Fag by everyone? Everyone knows remember? Why do you care what others think?" "No! Fred, I cant Fuck don't try and change my mind. I like you too much but I'm too much of a Loser for you. If I'm known as the school fag ill have it out worse! This is the whole reason my parents sent me here. They're right. God can only save me now!" I felt warm tears drip down my face. Warm, salty trails of tears. "God can save me from this overcome of homosexuality I should have believed my parents, The belief in the one true power of God!" Fred approached me. "Jon you're wrong! Don't believe that bullshit you're parents put in your head! Why are you so afraid of who you are?" "Don't Come near me, Fred! This... This discussion is over, Goodbye, Good riddance! Never speak of what happened ok!" Fred grabbed onto my wrist as I tried to leave. "Please, Jon! There's nothing wrong with being gay. Or bisexual but believe me Jon whatever you feel towards me I feel the same for you! Don't leave please!" I ripped away from Fred and quickly ran out of the bathroom. I ran to one of the janitor's closets to hide from Fred. And in silence, I sobbed. I really Fucked everything up, did I?

Chapter Text

It had been weeks Since I've seen Fred. He quit showing up to class. Oh god, what did I do? Not seeing him every day made it hard to focus. I don't blame him for not wanting to be in class with me, I hurt him because I'm selfish. I'm a cold, hard, Selfish prick and I brought all of this down on myself. I've really been thinking about everything Fred said that day. Maybe I am fine with my sexuality. And maybe my parents are wrong. Fuck I almost lost myself in this godly bullshit because I didn't want to accept the truth.
Once again, it was lunchtime. I sit alone like the good old days since Fred was missing. I sit in only the silence of my mind staring at the table. Some group of guys pass by screaming slurs at me, throwing trash at me. Usually, I'd say something snarky but still, I sit there unbothered by their words. After they left, I looked up from the table to see who I thought it was. It was Fred! he was standing in the lunch line. I sat up quickly but then stopped dead in my tracks and sat back down. He doesn't want to talk to me.... Fuck I really wanted to apologize to him. I wanted to tell him I changed my mind but it's too late for all that now. When he turned around and exited the lunch line we made eye contact from across the room. His eyes, were expressionless, a cold blue. He looked away fast and began to walk towards a group of guys at a table then sat down. I'm gonna do it. I sat up and chucked my sack lunch in the trash and began to walk up to Fred's table. I take a deep breath, I tremble in my fear.
"Fred??"
The whole table turned to me.
"What a surprise it's Johnny!" he says with an expressive tone then to a tone of anger. "The fuck do you want freak?"

I opened my mouth but no words left it.
"I- uh... I-"
"Hey Fred are you friends with this loser?"
Asked one of the assholes next to him,
"No, Not at all. I've never seen this dude before.'
"You fucking lying piece of shit Fred! I came over here to talk! and apologize so please can we go somewhere else?"
Fred looked away from me.
"No thanks queer. And remember what you said, "never speak of what happened." You did say that, right? Or am I a liar?" The guys at the table started to laugh. "Fuck off Faggot we're trying to eat lunch. No one wants to talk to you and you're sorry ass." "You shut the fuck up you scumbags this is between me and Freddy here got it?!" Fred was being such a dick! "Fuck off Jon." said Fred as one of the guys next to him threw their milk at me. And suddenly, My blood was boiling. I was gonna explode in anger, embarrassment, and hurt. "Hey, Fred!" Right as he looked at me, Boom! My fist slammed into his face. Shit why the fuck did I do that!?!?!?!?!?! I was seeing through the wrong eyes and emotions, So filled to the brim with anger. Fred stood up quickly and I feared what he was about to do. Fred grabbed me by the front of my uniform and raised his fist. "YOU DONT LISTEN DO YOU?!" "Fred wait! Please please I didn't mean to-" Fred had hit me so hard that I flew out of his clutch and slid across the lunchroom floor. My vision was blurred, fuck my face throbbed from the hit I had taken. I pushed myself up off the floor and looked around, Everyone was chanting, and laughing. This wasn't how anything was supposed to go! I look up at Fred. His anger was gone but only replaced with regret. _____________________ I looked over to Fred who was inches away from me in a chair. We both wait silently for the principal. Fred had a big bruise on his cheek but I on the other hand had a black eye and a busted lip. "Fred... I'm really sorry..." He continued to look away. I just sat there holding the ice pack closer to my eye. "I'm sorry to... I lost my temper... I wanna talk after this ok?" "Yeah, sure." Seconds later our principal had entered the room. "I see you two had caused a lot of commotion in the cafeteria. Boys, I will be calling your parents after this but first, let's discuss what punishment I'm giving you two."

Chapter Text

So you guessed it, we both got detention smh... Fuck this school. Me and Fred left the office. We were supposed to head to class but instead, we skipped and went to the library to talk.
"What changed your mind?"
Asked Fred. I felt too bad about hitting him. I didn't want to.
"Because you're right. I cant hide who or what I am. I was just being selfish. Fred Im super sorry for today, I feel like such an asshole."
"Don't worry about it, I'm the one who should be sorry. I wouldn't ever wanna hurt you and I feel like such shit for hitting you so hard. I didn't realize it till you flew out of my hand across the floor. fuck."
Fred turned to me and then hugged me.
"I was being a dick. I made you mad. I seriously don't blame you because I deserved it."
Fred then leaned back in his chair. I began to play with my hair,
"Where were you these last few weeks?" I asked leaning closer to him.
"I was in Jail... I got caught with Weed in my car. I got a bit aggressive with the cops and then had to go to court. And after that, I just didn't wanna be at school so I thought I could get away with just not showing."

"Well fuck. That sucks."
"Yeah actually though!"
We both went silent for a bit then I pulled out my English notebook and shoved it towards Fred.
"Here, have it."
"Why?" asked Fred dumbfounded.
"Because... I wrote about you so much when you were gone. Songs, Poems, apologies, fantasies. I thought you'd like to read them."
Fred began to flip through the pages and smile.
"You're really obsessed with me are you?"
"Since the first time I saw your stupid face. Im fucking mad crazy over you."
"Youll have to prove that to me soon..."
________________________________________________________________________

It's the next day and for once, I'm happy to be at school. I got so much shit from my parents last night. Fuck them, man! Cant wait till I won't have to see them after graduation. I begin to make my way to the detention room. Fred was already in there. It was only me and him with the principal.
"Take a seat, Jonathan. You two will sit here and write A 10-page essay about the wrongdoing of school fights and how it affects our religion as Christians and brings negativity that only the devil could give. I will not be in here with you guys so behave or this detention will be a suspension."
After the principal left Fred got out of his desk and walked over to the window.
"Hey, I won't have to do a 10-page essay if I jump now?"
I looked up from my paper at him.
"Joking... ok but this shit is wack."
"Yeah..."

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5 pages out of 10 done. Fuck this was so stupid! Fred had been wandering around the classroom for the last 2 hours. He hasn't even started on his essay. I push away from the desk and sigh.
"I give up. They can suspend me Im not finishing this essay of bullshit!"
Fred peeked his head out from the classroom closet we had been in for the last 20 minutes rummaging through boxes.
"Jon I found a tv and a VHS player!"
"Wow and how are we gonna watch it with no tapes?"
Fred held up a tape.
"Oh no no no! Where did you get that?!"
I stood up from my chair and approached Fred, grabbing the tape out of his hand."
"It was in my bag."
"Why do you have porn in your bag? you're crazy!"
Fred laughed.
"Chill Johnny I didn't bring it on purpose I forgot to take it out of my bag last night when I went to the video store. But heyyyyyyyyyy-"
"No, we're not gonna watch porn in school..."
Fred scoffed."Oh, cmon Jon don't be lame."
"No! I mean it!" I said almost laughing. Fred stuck the tape back in his bag.
"Well, then how am I gonna take care of this sudden horniness That has overcome me?"
"Wha-"
"You heard me, Jon."
Why am I blushing so hard right now????
"Well... uh- you could uh-"
I was choking on my words. How do I respond to this question?
"Hey, Jon you know we're gonna be alone here for like the next 6 hours alone right?"
fuck.
"Maybe, just maybe you can help me fix my little... situation?"
"Are you asking me to fuck you while we're at school and are in detention?"
"C'mon Johnny right now is like the perfect time for it."
I'm for sure having a heart attack. oh god.
"Fred I don't know..."

"Prove to me how much of a dirty freak you are Jon, Like those little poems you wrote me."

Chapter Text

I found myself against the wall. Fred gave me a sloppy French kiss as he moved his right hand onto my waist. With the other hand, he inches his way down between my pants and skin. I could just tell Fred was as hard as I was. "Get these fucking pants off Davis." I did as told and began to undo the buckle of my belt. I let my pants drop waiting For another command. Fred began to kiss my neck. I groan, fuck please fuck me, Fred. Do something. I kicked my pants away as Fred undid his pants. All this waiting was making me impatient and more horny. "You got a hair tie?" asked Fred with a smile. "Uh no-" "Don't worry about it, I'll hold your hair back for you." I watch as Fred pulls up a chair sitting in it, his erection staring at me- or was I staring at it? "Get on your knees pretty boy and come suck this dick, I wanna see what that tongue does."

"Oh yeah?" I say with a smile.
I crawl between Fred's legs. I haven't even touched him and he's already tense.
"I want you to choke on it."

"Zip it, Fred."
He laughed.
"Oh is Jon scared? Never seen one this big huh?"
"You're really cocky today. Do me a favor and shut up."

As I begin to start, Fred pulls my hair out of the way, holding it back. I wrap my lips around his tip and begin to tease him with my tongue. He groaned looking down at me with that smirk he always does. Fuck it makes me so horny. I begin to suck him off, bobbing my head slowly. I could tell he was impatient. It was somewhat funny in a way how badly he wanted me to go faster.

"S-shit Jon, can we get to the good shit already?"

Fred begins to grip tightly on my hair. I began to pick up the pace. Fred began to squirm in his seat and then sank into it. He lets out a long deep moan as I place my hand on his thigh twisting and turning my tongue around his dick. Fuck my mouth started to water.
"O-Oh fuck Jonathan-"
He begins to tug on my hair.
"Let me help you out a bit."

It was only a short time until Fred was basically in control of how fast my head bobbed.

"C'mon Johnny this is only the warm-up."

After a couple of minutes passed, I pulled my head away. Fred let go of my hair. I removed my mouth from his dick as my sticky saliva stringed from my mouth to his tip. I take a deep breath panting like I had run a fucking race. I let out a moan and flashed my eyes up at Fred. My knees, red, hurt from the marble floor. "Please tell me you're satisfied because I'd like something to." Fred leaned forward, placing his hand on my cheek. "And what is that Johnny?" He says with that same smirk he had earlier. "I- I was hoping you would uh..." "Fine... only if you let me do it my way bottom." "Nuh-uh, you did not just call me a bottom!" "You are one shut up and I'll prove it!" "Oh, will you now?" Fred stood up and pushed the chair away. "I'm positive baby." I lay back on the floor propping myself up with my elbows. "OK chump, prove it! I'm waiting, I'm all yours."

Fred hovered over me. He leaned in to give me a quick kiss. His lips so warm and tender touch mine and then trail down my neck. I let out a soft moan with every hickey he left. In a way, it was like his way of claiming me as his and his only. Fuck I wanted him inside me. Shit. I am a fucking bottom he's so right... and you know what... I don't mind being one.
"You ready?"
"Let's fucking do it!

I watch as Fred Lifts my legs, throwing them over his shoulders. He takes hold of his dick and begins to tease my hole. He circles it with the tip of his dick. It made me so impatient Jesus Christ. He slid it in slowly with no struggle due to the saliva from my mouth still slathered all over him.

Our eye contact was strong. I couldn't look away from his eyes, so hypnotizing.
"R-Right there- mmmmm!"

Fred began to pump fast. At this point, I was completely erect and desperate.
"You like that fag?"
"Mmhmm!" I whimper back.
Fred moves one of his hands off my hip and grips onto my thigh.
"You're such a good boy aren't you Johnny? God is no longer here with us, Only the devil and our sins. You're a good little Cum slut."
His degrading was getting me off so bad. I can hardly think straight right now. "Jon you look so helpless, You're so fucking hot." "Fred- Holy shit hmm." "Awe Don't cum yet, It's hasn't been that longJohnny. You're better than that baby." "Fuck I- I don't know if I can control m-myself." I watch as he places his hand back on my hip.

"Sure you can I mean you sound so convincing in those poems you wrote."
I began to gasp, Fred was reaching my climax quickly. "I really liked that one poem you wrote, the one about wanting me to try out your kinks. So Jon, you dirty little fuck, are you enjoying the degrading?" "Y- yes- fuck you're killing me hahmm." Fred smiled. "I want you to cum for me, watching you get off gets me off holy shit~"

I could feel his dick throb inside of me, my legs began to shake and tremble. Fuck fuck fuck.
"Shhhhiiiittttt Fred-"
"Let it all out baby, I'm gonna cum!"
I arch my back pulling my hot sticky skin off the cold floor. I started to cum letting out a long, deep moan escape between my clenched teeth. Fred clutched hard onto my thighs then released inside me his warm liquids.
"F-fuck! Fuck- OH ......"
It was dangerously attractive hearing him whimper.

I begin to shove all my shit into my bag as Fred buckled up his belt on his pants. My legs wouldn't stop shaking.
"NEVER thought I'd fuck the hottest guy at school." Joked Fred approaching me.
"Hottest? You've gotta be kidding me. More like ugly haha."
"No, I mean it!"
'Sure that's why no one here wants me."
Fred hugged me and then gave me a quick tongue kiss.
"Maybe because they're scared to be rejected. Besides, you're mine now got it?"
I smiled and giggled.
"Got it."

The bell rang as we walked through the schoolyard to the parking lot.
"Hey Fred, whatchyo up to Saturday?"
"I'll probably be in my room looking through my playboys like usual. why?"
"Would... would you like to hang out and meet my friends Head, Munky, Feildy, and David? We're gonna go to the mall and check out that new music shop."
"Yeah! I'd love that!"

Chapter Text

I lay in my bed staring at my band poster, Skinny Puppy from across the room. Shouldn't I be more shocked that yesterday happened? I mean... It was almost as if that school fight never happened.
"Aren't you gonna get sick?" I ask myself. No. Fuck it felt so wrong but felt so right. My thoughts travel through my brain, I'm in a trance. Belief in the one true power? What power? I cant let that shit ever get in my head.

I hop out of my car and walk up to Fred waiting at the entrance of the Valley Plaza. He looked hot without that dumb fucking uniform.
"Hey! You made it!"
"Of course!"
we both headed inside. There was Feildy, Munky, Head, and David gathered at a table in the food court laughing at a picture Head had in his wallet.
"Hey guys uh I'd like you to meet Fred Durst, You know the guy from my school."
Head crammed his wallet into his pocket and hopped off the chair he was sitting in.
"Oh shit, Hey I'm Brian but you can Call me Head."
Head held out his hand and waited for Fred to return his handshake. after the two shook hands, Head jerked a thumb toward the other guys.
"This is James who we call Munky, Reggie known as Feildy, and David. Just David ha!"
Fred smiled.
"Some pretty weird nicknames eh?"
"Not really," said David holding out his hand to shake Fred. "I mean, Jons are pretty bad. HIV, Faget, whatever those pricks say at that Christian school."
After everyone was introduced, Feildy playfully slapped my back.
"Hey, Fuckers let's go! I wanna check out the music shop!"

Me and Fred trailed behind the others. My brain kept thinking of ways to bring up yesterday.
"Hey, Fred?"
"Yeah?" He says looking at me.
"Nevermind..."

Fred shoves a cd into my hands.
"Eh?"
I look at it.
"Cypress Hill?"
"Some good shit!" Says Fred taking it out of my hands.
"What music are you into Jon?"
I flip through the CDs picking up an album I liked.
"You know, Led Zepplin, Bauhaus, Mötley Crüe."
I show Fred one of Skinny Puppies albums, bites.
"Nice!"
Fred begins to flip through the CDs. God.
"Fred I wanna talk about yesterday."
His Blue eyes were now staring into mine.
"What? Wanna go for round two?"
"No uh, I wanna know what it meant is all."
Fred looked puzzled.
"What do you mean?"
I begin to twirl my hair around my finger.
"You know... What did that sex mean? What are we exactly?"
I couldn't tell if Fred was confused, or uncomfortable about the question I asked him.
"Well... I don't know really, I haven't thought that far yet."
I sigh turning myself towards the CD rack.
"Well, I don't wanna just forget what happened It was just yesterday and... I enjoyed it."
"You did?"
"Yeah... Fred, you're the only guy iv done that with and it felt very special to me... I don't know if you can tell but I really do like you. I want more with you rather than just careless sex because you were horny and bored. Everything in that Notebook was from my heart, my soul you know that right?"
Fred just stood there. I couldn't make out what emotions he was expressing. Fuck Fred speak! Speak to me! Tell me you feel the same damn it!

"Jon... I like you a lot and I won't deny that. I'm kinda shocked you let me do that with you yesterday. Shit Jon, I want more, I want you all to myself. I'm so greedy. Jon, I want to be with you. But the question is, Would you care what others cared if we dated?"
I- I don't know what to say fuck! Fuck you, Fred!
"Is that your answer? silence?"
"No- er- I mean ill... ill try. for you. But no promises. I don't need my parents to be up my ass either, more than they are."

"Hey you guys sell cheese?" asks Head to the women working at the restaurant in the food court.
"Munk, Dave, Fred, Jon, Go find us a spot to sit me and Head will take care of the food, I'm buying." Said Feildy.
I shrug. Free food is free food. We found a spot in the corner of the court and sat down.
"Hey, Munky what did you get at the shop?"I ask as I sit next to Fred.
"Some new guitar picks and a band shirt. My dad wouldn't borrow me money."
"You could have asked your mom."
"awe I'm good I hate bothering her."
David dumped his bag out onto the table.
"New drumsticks!"
"Jesus why did you buy so many?" asked Munky with a huge grin.
"You know them fuckers break! Now I don't need new ones for a while."
As Dave scooped everything into his bag I pulled out the CDs I got and showed them to everyone then slipped them back into my bag.
"What did you get Fred?" I asked sliding my bag under the table.
"Uh, I got A Cypress Hill cd."
"Nice. So, Fred, You say you met Jon in one of his classes?" asked Munky.
"Yeah, that class with your mom, and then we have a few other classes together too."

"Hey guys food's ready!" Said Feildy setting the bag onto the table.
"About time!" I say reaching for the bag. "Took you long enough!"

After saying bye to the guys, I walk back to my car. Fred followed behind me.
"Johnny, do you think you can give me a ride home? My dad has the car and he's at work."
"Yeah of course! Hop in."

The car ride was mostly silent. Fred put in his new CD. The music was on low as the wind outside the windows blew the trees at a steady pace. Suddenly, I felt a hand slide up my thigh. I looked down and then looked over at Fred. He was staring out the window. I smiled and put my hand on top of his.
"Hey Jon?"
"Yeah," I reply softly, he licks his lips and turns to me.
"I think I love you."
"You think?"
Fred laughed.
"That came out wrong let me restart. Jon, I fucking love you."
What was this feeling? This feeling in my chest, my stomach.
"I... I love you too."

I pull to the side of the road and look over at Fred who was taking his CD out of the stereo.
"Well uh I'll see you late-"
Fred grabs my face and gives me a quick kiss.
"See you later lover."
I watch as Fred gets out of the car slamming the door. After making sure he gets into the house safely, I drive off.
Are we lovers? Most definitely not friends. Fred, I love you. Now I know what power to believe in. My heart.

Chapter Text

If you didn't think it was hard being called a fag at school and trying to hide your sexuality from the people who attend it, It was even harder to hide from my parents. They have been acting really weird lately maybe they're catching on! No... I need to stop overthinking things... They think Fred is just my study partner. Occasionally, Fred will come over to my house to "Study" but we always just end up fucking, making out, or Talking about random shit at the top of our minds. If you didn't know this, Fred is a great listener. All a person ever needs is to have a good talk with someone about all the shit that happens in their life.

My parents are so fucking annoying. specifically My dad's wife... Words of the day from my piece of shit Stepmom at this lovely dinner time,
"Gay people are what make this world disgusting! I read an article that England is full of those people. They don't have blowjobs there because they're uncircumcised and that is just disgusting. So they have to butt fuck. Which is also disgusting, because that extra foreskin trapped all the germs and the poop and the butt-fucking residue. It's a sin. And that's why British people have bad teeth."
Could this bitch say anything worse than that?!
"Jonathan, I hope you and that "Study Buddy" of yours are studying actual stuff for school and not the size of your dicks."
"WHY DON'T YOU JUST FUCK OFF!"
she stares with such disgust at me. I don't give a fuck!
"Don't talk to me like that you fucking little prick! If you were born in my time you'd sure get it!"
"Oh please! If you ever lay a hand, even a finger on me, I'LL BREAK YOUR FUCKING HAND!"
"JONATHAN HOWSMON DAVIS!"
Dad slammed his fist down on the table.
"Cant we ever have a quite peaceful dinner?!"
I slouched in my chair shoving my plate to the middle of the table.
"Can't your wife ever learn how to shut the fuck up?!"
"Jonathan I have had it up to here with you! Go to your room!"
"I don't have to listen to you!"
I watched as my dad stood up from his seat pointing up at the stairs.
"NOW!"
I looked over at my sisters, Amanda and Alyssa then at my brother Mark. I sat up from my seat.
"Yeah let that bitch get away with the shit she says! I don't understand... FUCK YOU ALL!"

I begin to throw some clothes into my backpack. My tears cleanse my bitterness. I just needed to get away for a few hours maybe days. I cant stand this shit! Fuck these gut-wrenching feelings. In the middle of zipping my bag up and throwing it over my shoulder, I heard my bedroom door open. As I turned around I saw Mark.
"Jonathan, are you ok?"
That worried little look in that 11-year-old's eyes made my heart hurt even more. I wipe my tears away.
"W- what are you doing up here bud?"
Mark came up to me and hugged me.
"I wanted to make sure you were ok, Sorry that Mom and Dad are being assholes."
I return Mark's hug.
"I'm fine... Sorry I said that to you all, I meant It for-" "It's ok, I know. Where are you going?" He asked. I take a deep breath in. "Hey Mark, can you do me a favor?"
"Yeah, of course, What?"
Mark let go of me.
"Will you make sure they don't see me sneak out? I just... need to blow off some steam ok."
"Will you be back?"
"I don't know..."
Mark shook his head. after 10 minutes, I snuck down the stairs. Mark distracted everyone so I could sneak out the door to my car.

I pull to the side of the curb, Munky's house. I always knew I was safe to go there when I wasn't feeling like myself or was having problems at home. I walked in (I never really have to knock when I come over) Munky and Head were playing some video games. "Jon just in time!" yelled Head. "Hey JD!" Said Munky to focus on his game. Head hit one button and in big, bold, red letters, the tv said "GAME OVER!" "Fauhk you!" said Munky leaning into the couch and throwing the controller on the floor. "Don't be a sore fuckin loser haha," said Head He then sat up off the couch and approached me. "So Jon, I got you a date with Amber." "What?!?!?" I threw my bag down on the floor. "WHY?" "Because you need some excitement in your life! And I don't want Amber to be let down." "You fucking asshole! No, I will not-" "It's next Friday cmon-" "No, my answer is no!" "Please JD if you don't like her tell it to her face but I don't wanna seem like an asshole." "You are one! Fuck!" I begin to rub my face with the palms of my hands and sigh. "This day couldn't get any fucking worse ha!" Munky sat up off the couch. "Hey, You ok Jon?" I felt a hand on my shoulder. "No... It's just... I came here to get away from the drama and here Head is creating more, Fuck me." Head looked at me with a stone face. "Sorry JD. I assumed you wouldn't care since you're not seeing anyone." "It's all good..."

Hours passed. tomorrow was school so I had to leave. Fuck I don't wanna go home. I got in my car and then turned it on.
"Maybe Fred is still up.

I knock on the door and wait.
"Hello?"
It was Fred. He was in his boxers and had no shirt on.
"Shit sorry to bother you at this time I was just wondering if I could crash here for like 2 days."
He yawned and then looked around outside.
"Yeah, sure, Come in but be quiet. I don't wanna wake my parents."
I walked into the dark house. Fred led me to the stairs up to his room. He shut the door quietly as I set my bag by the door and then sat on the bed.
"What's going on? you ok?"
"No... My step bitch mom... I don't know why my dad just lets her get away with her shit!"
"It's ok, calm down."
Fred sat next to me

"Listen, As much as I wanna comfort you right now, I'm exhausted and I don't really give out the best advice when I'm tired. do you wanna just lie down and talk about it later?"
"Yeah."
Fred climbed into bed and then held the blanket up.
"You joining me?"
"Wouldn't you want me to sleep on the floor?"
Fred squinted his eyes."
"Why would I make you sleep on the fucking floor?"
I shrugged my shoulders.
"Johnny, I've fucked you so many times I don't think it would be any different if we slept in the same bed together. Get in here."
I sat up off the bed and lay next to Fred. He throws the blanket over the top of us. So warm on my cold skin. Fred closes his eyes and drifts off to sleep as I stare at him (In the most non-creepy way possible he just looks so cute when he's sleeping.) I give him a quick kiss on the cheek then drift off to.

Chapter Text

"The fuck???"
"That's what I'm saying!"
Fred shut his locker.
"Who even is this girl??"
"I don't know. Some girl Head knows."
"Does she go to our school??"
"The fuck if I know Fred but this I frustrating! I told him not to set up a date and he didn't listen!"
Fred started to laugh as we walked into English.
"Ha ha ha... you're fucked."
we both sat down at our table in the back and Fred threw his textbook onto the table.
"Like I don't fucking know that! Great boyfriend you are." I whisper
"Look, I have no idea how to get you out of this situation, just don't show up to the date. Say something came up."
"I cant, I don't wanna come off as a dick. You have no problem coming off that way to others but I'm different, I'm not a dick."
"I don't know what to tell you then..."
I opened my textbook to the page we were on today. Fucking Head Gah this just pisses me off. And on top of that, I'm having problems at home. Not anything new but You know, I don't want to deal with my father's wife. Sometimes I just wish she was dead.
"Whatever you do, don't go home with her ok."
Wait... was this jealousy? Fred being jealous?
"Well, I wouldn't. All I want is you."
"Boys."
It was Mrs. Shaffer.
"Is there something more important to talk about instead of listening to me.?"
"My bad Shaffer." Said Fred. "Can you repeat the question?"

It was that time of day when we all had to go down to the church to pray. Me and Fred always skipped it though. I mean, What are we praying to? the air? We usually just skip in one of the janitor closets. This year was almost over. I cant wait for the day I can leave this place for good.
I'm sitting next to Fred, his arm wrapped around my waist. It's silent. To silent.
"Fred. I hope you're not mad at me."
"For what reason?"
"I don't know... for many reasons. Waking you up last night, the date with that Amber chick, For always coming to you for my drama."
Fred lays his head on my shoulder.
"Your my boyfriend, You're always welcome at my house and I'm always here to help with whatever shit is going on in your life.

I pull my knees closer to my chest and then rest my chin between them.
"So... do you wanna talk about your mom?"
"She's not my real mother. She's just my dad's wife." God hearing the word "Mother' When someone talks about that woman makes me cringe. I don't know if I should be mad, or cry. "I don't know... She just does things, says things that I know aren't right." "What do you mean by that?" asked Fred. "She gets away with calling me such names, pushing me around. That manipulative bitch does everything in her power to ruin my life. Last night she was saying some pretty rude shit to me. And you know what? My dad just sat there and said nothing. Nothing. Like he always does. And I got punished because he took her side. fuck I can't stand her!" I began to bury my face into my knees trying to hide my emotions from Fred. This swelling in my throat needs to fuck off. "She sounds like a real bitch! I don't blame you for hating her. Jon, I want to let you know that if she ever does anything to hurt you please come to me."

P.E. I fucking hate it. I run the track that circles the football field. It's easy to get lost in my thoughts when I'm running alone. I really wish I could go back to a normal school and hang out with my friends. I make a quick stop to take a breather and get a drink from the water fountain. A bunch of Jocks were hanging around there, Fucking losers. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a few of them approach me. Fuck. Just ignore them.
"Hey HIV!"
I pull away from the fountain and tie my hair up.
"The fuck you want?"
The leader of the group leaned on the fountain and stared at me with a smile.
"A little birdy told us you were taking Amber out."
"Yeah well tell that "Little birdy" To shut the fuck up!"
I turned and tried to walk away but then the same guy grabbed my shoulder and pulled me back.
"Listen fag, I don't know how your gay ass got a date with one of the most popular girls but you better back off her! She mine!"
I let out a careless laugh.
"You think that's funny freak??!"
"Yeah, yeah I do fuck face. What's funny is I don't even want to take this bitch out, I don't even know her. I wouldn't go out with her even if I had the choice to."
"Listen you gay wad! Say some rude shit about Amber again I'll rip your throat out! Thats my ex your talking about!"
"Ha ha ok sure, I gotta go so see yah."
The jock laughs and then grabs me, shit! He pulls me close to him and headbutts me. I fall onto the pavement catching myself with my hands. I work on pushing myself up rubbing my head and looking at the Jocks towering over me.

"You listen here! I will show up to your house and beat the shit out of you if you do anything with Amber! I'm trying to win her back! anyways, Later HIV." I wait till the Jocks walk away. My gym shorts had spots of red all over them, I hadn't realized my nose was bleeding. I swear to fucking god every time I get in a physical fight with these preps I always somehow manage to walk away with a black eye, or a nosebleed. I wipe the blood away with my arm smearing it across my face and arm. "Davis." I turned around confused, Mrs. Shaffer? "Oh my are you ok? Let's get you to the nurse's office!"

I am now walking through the halls with Munky's mom.
"Oh dear, are you ok? I'll make sure those boys get a punishment!"
"It's fine, it's nothing new for me don't worry about it."
"Well, it's not gonna slide with me! You are my son's best friend. I love you as if you were my son and what those boys did to you is wrong!"
"Why were you outside?" I asked looking over at her,
"Well, I don't have any classes for 5th and 6th period so I thought I'd go for a walk around campus."
finally, we arrived at the nurse's office. I sat in a chair as Mrs. Shaffer talked to the nurse. After I got my nose cleaned up it was time to head to class.

That week has rushed up on me. And now, It was Friday. fuck I was dreading the date after school. Man, this Amber girl was really popular. How did Head meet her? I wish he never put together this date. Maybe... Maybe I should tell the guys about me and Fred... Shit Im too scared to but maybe it's the right thing to do. I mean how long can I keep me and Fred's relationship a secret from them?

Fred was leaning against my car. My heart always skips a beat when I see him. I approach him and he leans off the car. We share a kiss, and I smile.
"I missed you."
"Already? I just saw you an hour or two ago haha."
"I know- Hey I need some advice... about that fucking date."
"Oh yeah, I forgot about that... I don't know... Just go with the flow?"
I open my car door and sit inside.
"Fred I'm kinda scared."
"Don't be, It'll be over before you know it. Just don't get too connected with your feelings, act like this girl is a friend not dating material. I seriously have no good advice this is a "What the fuck, you gotta do what you gotta do" situation."
"Yeah, I know... Fuck. I'm kicking Heads ass next time I see him."

Chapter Text

I pull up to the Arcade and set my car in park. then, I pull out the slip of paper from my pocket that Head gave me. It had all the info I needed.

I walk inside. What does this chick even look like?? I scout out the arcade. As some kids ran by a girl waved at me.
"Hey!"
Oh brother here we go... Time to throw on my fake smile... "Jonathan right?" asked the girl as she tucked her long orange hair behind her ear with a smile. "Yeah, you're Amber right?" I asked. She nodded her head. "That would be me, Well let's get this date started!"

I had only been there for an hour and a half, Amber was nice, Pretty even. I would admit she was a girl I had only ever seen in my dreams. What I wanted to know was how she became interested in me. Amber laughed as I tried to keep up with her on the StepManiaX machine, I'm no dancer ha...
"You know, you really suck at this!" Giggled Amber.
"I can't dance I usually play Guitar Hero or something!" I laughed
Finally, The round ended. we both walked away from the game.
"So Amber? How do you know me?"
Amber turned to me with a huge smile on her face.
"I saw you back at a Local show a few months back, You were there with your band- what was it uh..."
"L.A.P.D.?" I questioned,
"Yes!! I liked that song you guys did, Who's Laughing Now. Is it true your band name stands for Love and Peace dude?"
I smiled as I picked at my hair.
"Yeah... were thinking of changing the name-"
"Well, I like it! It's different."
We walked over to one of the Pac-Man games.
"After this let's get food ok?" said Amber.
"Ok also, how many shows of ours have you been to? And how did you meet Head?"
"A few... I was with my girlfriends when we all stumbled into that bar you guys were performing in. I was on my way to the bathroom when I ran into Head and from there we just started talking. He said he could get me a date with you at the last show you guys did 4 or 5 months ago."
"Oh nice, Nice..."
I think officially I will be murdering Head now.

Me and Amber sat down with the two slices of pizza we bought and a fountain soda. Amber is such an amazing person fuck I feel like an asshole having to tell her I'm not interested.
"So Jon would you like to hang out at my house after this?"
I felt something rub up my leg. As I peeked under the table I saw Amber's leg. I looked back up at her and was greeted with a devilish smirk. I let out a fake and very nervous laugh.
"Look Amber I have something to tell you."
Immediately, her smirk faded to a serious look. Her hazel eyes were now focused on me intensely.
"What is it, Jon? you don't like me? Am I ugly?"
"NO NO NO! I mean- No you're not ugly- It's nothing to do with you I swear! Amber, you're really nice, sweet, Hot like super hot but..."
she scoffs.
"There it is... "But" what is it, Jon?"
I sighed and looked down at the table then back up at Amber."
"I'm seeing someone right now, I really love them you know... I told Head it wouldn't be a good idea for this date to happen and besides, Amber you are way too gorgeous to be with a guy like me and I mean that. I'm nothing special."
Amber smiled slightly.
"It's cool, You know what... we can be friends, right? I still think you're super cool Jon."
"I mean... if you want to be, yeah, sure."

After we finished our food and played a few more arcade games, the date was finally over. "Why didn't Head tell me you were taken?" "Because he doesn't know, I haven't really told my friends either. I wanna keep it a secret for a while." "oh... Got it. Well, See you later Jonathan." Said, Amber. Me and Amber then traded phone numbers to keep in contact and then I went to my car. I am going straight to Fred's house. Fuck I need him so bad right now, Desperately.

Chapter Text

I knock on the door waiting for Fred impatiently. I need him, I need his touch, his skin on mine, I'm so touch-deprived! I just want to hear his voice. Why am I all of a sudden needing Fred this badly? At last! the door opened and there Fred was.
"Hey, Jonny! how was the d-"
I rushed in quickly to kiss him. His hand hovered near my cheek as if he were going to place it on me. I pulled away to see a shocked look across Fred's face.
"Well...uh... I'm guessing it was shit?"
I ignored his question.
"Fred I fucking missed you, I want no one but you god damn it! If my love for you was an ocean, I'd get on a fucking ship and die trying to get to you! I couldn't help but think you sounded a little jealous earlier and I want to prove to you that all I want is you, your love, your everything! There's nothing I want you to be jealous of." "Oh, Johnny..." I wanna stare into his corpse-blue eyes. I wanna get lost in them trying to find my sanity. "I know this sounds corny as fuck Fred but, you're the best thing that has happened to me in a very long time and I don't wanna be a fuck up. I wanna be yours and yours only... Fuck Fred... I love you and even if this "God" person does exist or not, then I say FUCK YOU to him! I wanna drown him with all my sins, I wanna stab them right through his fucking heart and twist the knife till I bleed him dry. Like that one poem, I wrote you in that notebook."

"He is divine.
He's holy.
he is the sinner and I am the rosary.
wrapped around his fingers, and placed in his pocket.
Hidden from the world like his sins.
I am his sin.
And only God will know of us."

"Jon?..."
"Freddie, The date was ok but what hurt was it wasn't you. Amber wasn't you. I wanted you. All I thought about was YOU."

Fred couldn't get the words out of his mouth. so instead, he just stared. Maybe I'm scaring him with how clingy I sound. I could swear we both had the same thing on our minds. Minutes felt like hours since I and Fred were downstairs now, and we were upstairs in his bed. Both our clothes were scattered throughout the bedroom floor. Soft, quiet moans escaped both me and Fred's lips trying to make sure Fred's parents couldn't hear us. His hands were on my hips as he thrust himself into me. I grip the sheet a little harder tearing it from the corner of the mattress as my other hand holds Fred closer to me. Fred kissed my neck between his breathy moans and gasps.
"How bad did you miss me, Johnny?"
He growls through his raspy, tired voice.
"nngh- I- I-"
My eyes began to wander around the room. "Baby my eyes are up here." I look back up at Fred. "S-Sorry"

After me and Fred finished, Fred threw himself next to me on the bed and pulled me closer to him. I rest my head and hand on his chest. His light breathing was soothing, I wish that I could never leave it, I wish I could just lay here with him forever, always.
"Hey Johnny?"
"Yes?" I ask tiredly.
"Maybe we should run away... you know, Far from this shit hole."
I push myself up to look at fred.
"Well..."
"Well, what? You don't wanna get out of here?" asked Fred confused.
"No- I mean that would be great! Just... where would we go?"
Fred began to think for a second,
"New York?"
I laid back down on Fred's chest, I was tired.
"Sure..."
Fred began to rub my head, my eyelids felt heavy. I wanna go to sleep.
"I love you, Jon," said Fred.
"I love you too Freddie," I replied as I closed my eyes slowly and drifted off to sleep.
I couldn't help but dream about what Fred said. Let's run away Fred. Let's get the fuck out of Bakersfield!

Chapter Text

I had just woken up. Fred was missing from underneath my arms. I sit up with a long yawn and scoot over to the edge of the bed.

"Where'd Fred go?" I asked myself as I got off the bed and searched for my clothes on the floor. After I got dressed, I walked downstairs where I could hear Fred talking to his parents loudly. Were they arguing? I hid behind a corner to listen. "Fred, we think that maybe you should stop hanging out with that Jonathan fellow..." "No fucking way! Why? Because we're good friends?" "No my son we..." Fred's mom began to chime in, "Freddie we find it so odd that you don't have a girlfriend. I remember when we were living in Jacksonville you had a nice girlfriend." "So? That bitch cheated on me, I dumped her. What does this have to do with Jon?" "We think you might be..." "You think I'm a fag? That's what it is huh?" Everything went silent for a minute. Fred's parents aren't wrong but the way they are stating things is. "Freddie we didn't say that it's just an assumption ok... and even if you were you know... gay... we'd still love you because you're our son." Said Fred's dad. "Quite assuming shit... just quit talking to me!" I heard footsteps, Fred's dad then came around the corner. "Oh, Jonathan- hello." "H-hey Mr. Durst..." He began to look me up and down with a squint in his eye. "I see you let yourself into my home?" "S-sorry... Fred messaged me and told me I could... I'm here to uh- pick him up. We're going to hang with some friends." Mr. Durst then knocked his head and walked past me and into his office. I then turned the corner and was kindly greeted by Fred's mom. "Oh, hello Jonathan!" I smiled and waved. "Hey, Mrs. Durst." "So odd to see you here this early in the morning!" Said Mrs. Durst, I looked over at Fred. He was very clearly upset but you could tell he was relieved to see me. "Boys, would you stay for breakfast?" "No Mom, we have to go!" Said Fred walking behind me to the door. "Fred please-" I felt a tug on my shoulder and I turned to Fred. "Mom, we gotta go."

Me and Fred were on our way to David's house, I'm gonna do it, we're gonna do it, me and Fred are gonna tell the guys... I look over at Fred who is staring stone-faced out the car windshield.
"Baby you good?" I ask concerned.
"Yeah... pretty annoyed still... please tell me you didn't hear that argument with my parents."
"Sadly, I did... Why'd you get mad at them though? I mean... they seemed super supportive of the idea of you being gay."
"I know but it's just- they've been saying shit like that to me the longest time. In middle school, they gave me "the talk" "
"What's the talk?"
"You know, the "son were gonna talk about puberty and sexuality if you are gay you are gay and we love you" and I mean I'm glad they'd accept me even if I did tell them I'm Bisexual it's just- I don't..."
Fred looked out the side window and went silent.
"You don't what?" I asked.
"I don't wanna be a disappointment. I don't know... my dad is a really old-school guy. He accepts gay people but he prefers a heterosexual marriage. I- I Just Dont-"
"I get it... well, at least you're not in my situation where I can't even be free to express myself. My dad's wife would beat the life out of me and my dad would just stand there and watch because he doesn't give a fuck... Being gay=Sin."

"You know what... Maybe I should tell my dad."
"What really?"
"Maybe... I'll think about it but I mean.. maybe I should. We're telling the guys so why not just get all this shit out?"
I shrugged.
"I mean- it's up to you. I just hope that your dad won't take his shit out on me you know? He already is pretty skeptical of me."
"I'll make sure he doesn't say shit."

"Ok guys, listen, me and Fred have something to tell you... I don't want any shit outta you fuckers or ill beat the shit out of you all!"
"Alright Jon, shut up and tell us already!" said Feildy sitting on the arm of the couch. Fred walked out of the kitchen with open arms and said.
"Guess who fucking Jonathan Davis guys!"
I slapped my forehead and shook my head as everyone started to laugh.
"Shut the fuck up guys this is serious!" I said pushing Fred as he laughed.
"Wait really??!!" asked Head, eyes widened.
"Guys... I was really nervous to tell you guys but... Me and Fred are..."
"Holy shit! No way!" Said David.
"Dude sick!" Said Munky.
"Oh my god I feel like a dick now, I made you go on that date with Amber fuck!" Said Head in panic. what got me was Why everyone was so... accepting? the fuck?
"You guys don't care that we basically told you guys were gay as shit?" said Fred scratching his head in confusion.
"Well we knew Jon was kinda fruity, You kinda egged shit on." Said Feildy.
Well fuck... was it really obvious?

It's been a few hours since me and Fred told the guys. I'm truly happy that they are very accepting. As much as I wanted to beat the shit out of Head, He felt bad about the date. I mean I guess I forgive him. Me, Fred, and the guys were all laughing, Drinking beer, and smoking. We were all having fun when my phone rang. Huh? Dad's calling me? Why?
"Hey, uh- I'll be back, Gotta take this call."
I got up off the couch and walked into the hallway, away from where anyone could hear me and I answered my phone.
"Hello? Dad?"
"Jonathan! Where are you??"
"Relax, I'm at Davids, why?"
A long, Deep sigh was heard on the other line from Dad.
"Son, get your ass to the house imminently! Your mother found some concerning things in your room."
My heart dropped into the deep pit of what most would call their stomach.
"Don't call that bitch my mother again you hear me?! Why the fuck was she in my room!"
"That's none of your concern! I am your parent and you live in my house remember Jonathan? Get your ass here within the next hour or you'll get it you hear me?"
"Fuck Dad-"
"is that understood Jonathan Howsman, Davis?"
I felt myself start to hyperventilate and shake. with my quivering voice, I replied, "Y-yes F-f-father..."
After I clicked the hang-up key on my Nokia I quickly shoved my phone into my pocket as I crouched down. I felt the panic hit me like a bag of bricks Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck! I couldn't breathe! Why was that cunt in my room?!?!?! I covered my mouth as I began to frantically sob, tears trailing down my cheeks. Why does this fucking bitch insist on ruining my life!
"JD you ok??"
It was Munky. I stared up from the floor as everyone one by one came trailing into the hallway.

Chapter Text

I wish I would stop sobbing but I just couldn't stop myself. Crying in front of my friends makes me feel like a loser. Maybe I am. Fred rushed over to me and began to rub my back.
"Johnny tell me, what's wrong? Are you ok?"

"W-We- We need to- to go! Now!"
I stood up and wiped away my tears with my arm which was useless because they were back in an instant. Why can't I stop crying???
"We need t-to go F-F-Fred!"
"Hold up JD you need to explain yourself before you run off!" said Feildy.

My heart was palpitating, I felt like passing out with how much I hyperventilated at this very moment.
"Step bitch went through my shit! We need to go Fred!!! If she found my Journal or my CDs and shit Im really f-fucking dead!"
I rushed to sit up and I exited the hallway quickly.
"Oh yeah, I remember that you told us you'd be a dead son of a bitch If your parents found your CDs," said Head.
Fred followed behind me as I ran to my car and got in and shakily tried to stick the key in the ignition.
"Woah woah Johnny calm down! it's ok! I'm here with you baby, It'll be ok! Do you want me to drive?"
Finally, the key slid into the ignition.
"Y-You can't d-d-drive?" I said in a shakey tone.
"The fuck I can't, but you aren't in the right position to be driving. I'm taking driver's Ed so I know some things now switch spots with me and let's go."

Fred didn't even fully pull into the driveway before I jumped out of the car and ran to the front door. I rushed in.
"WHERE THE FUCK ARE THEY?!" I asked myself in panic.
I ran up the stairs just as Fred walked in. I turned the corner of the hallway and burst through my open bedroom door and there they were, Dad was reading through my Journal. The journal I had been writing in since I started going to St. John Vianney Academy. Fuck!!! I felt every ounce of blood drain from my body. And there was my father's wife, just standing behind my father with that crooked smile of hers. "Son... You have shamed us all! You have shamed our whole family! And you have shamed me! Do you know why we sent you to St. John Vianney Academy?" "Father-" "NOT A WORD FROM YOU ABOUT ANYTHING I HAVE NOT ASKED YOU!!! NOW ANSWER!!!" Snapped dad, "I-I Be-Because..." "Because you are a Faggot! And I see that sending you there did not affect you. I pay good money for you to see pastors and that school! All this for you to be a fag!"

"Father! Please! I'm sorry!" I said. For a moment, I wished god was real, I wished that this wasn't happening. I got on my knees and placed my palms together.
"Please Father forgive me please!"
My tears trail my cheeks as I look up at my father.
"There is no forgiveness for your sins, Shall you burn in hell with all the other homosexuals! Can I even call you my son?! You are the child of the devil now!"
I watched as Dad began to rip pages out of my journal. I yelped as I scrambled to pick up all the pages.
"Jon?!"
I turned around to see Fred. Dad then threw my journal on the floor.
"Look Darling it's that kid he's been fucking!" said step bitch,

Dad walked up to him and pointed his finger at him.
"I had my suspicions of you! You'll go straight to hell with him you hear me?!"
"Get the fuck out of my face!" Yelled Fred,
Dad then turned to me. I remained on the floor picking up the pages and putting them back into my Journal then clutching it close to my chest.
"Jonathan, X your eyes. You can choose now or forever be a disgrace. Let god back into your heart and let him cleanse your soul, begone of this homosexuality, and accept the belief in the one true power, Or continue with the sins you have created with this child of Satan and leave this house forever. The choice is yours."
I stood up from the floor Clutching my Journal closer. In the corner of my eye, I spotted my skinny puppy poster on the floor ripped to shreds. I then realized that my father had found my CDs as well. Later on, I found out he had burned them all. I looked back over at my father, I couldn't understand why he finally cared enough to actually care about me. No, he doesn't... People who love you don't hurt you. My father is a piece of shit like his wife.
"No! I will not continue to live in the shadows because you cant stand the fact that I am Bisexual. Or what you say "A homosexual" I'm not doing this anymore, I'm done. Fuck you and that troll you are married to! Another thing, "God" is not real! It's just some bullshit fairy tail, The Bible, Christianity is a fake fucking fantasy! It only exists because people have nothing going for them in life so they believe lies!"
His disgust. His anger. It all faded away. Now, disappointment flooded through his eyes, his frown. He just pointed to the door and said,
"leave... Don't you ever come back! I'm disappointed in you, Jonathan. You disgust me, You shameful piece of shit."

The car ride was silent. The only noise heard was my stuff in the black trashbags rattling around in the backseat every time we hit a bump. I wanted to cry but I don't even know if I can anymore. I had cried so much that now I felt blank. So, so bare, So dead. I guess I feel good though, relieved that I don't have to see my parents ever again. I was only partially close to that freedom I longed for. I was just glad that Fred had been here alongside me.

Chapter Text

Iv been sleeping in my car for a month. It fucking sucks. I would ask to stay at my friend's house or Fred's but it just seems so wrong. I feel like a bum. I mean- I guess I kinda am at this point. Iv been hanging out with Amber lately. She has become someone I can really talk to when I know Fred is busy. He's been working his new job trying to help me get some money to get on my feet. I told him he didn't have to do that but he insisted and you can't argue with that man.

Me and Amber are sitting on the hood of my car staring at the scenery of Hart Memorial Park. It was peaceful and quiet.
"Jon you know, I am willing to let you stay at my place and I'm sure your friends wouldn't mind either, I mean you're homeless and if they were real friends they wouldn't care." Said, Amber.
"I know but... I don't know... Can we just change the topic?" I asked as I began to fiddle with my hair. "So, How'd you meet that meathead ex-boyfriend of yours? The dude who kicked my ass."

"Oh uh, his dad works with mine so they set us up. He wasn't always so mean. I mean, maybe he was and he just hid it so well. me and him only dated for 3 months after he started getting controlling so I left him. Jon, I'm sorry he did that to you though, did they give him any punishment for that?"

"Yeah, he was suspended for 4 weeks."

"Good!" Said Amber, "He won't get away with that shit. So Jon how about you? Who's this mystery girl you're dating?"

Lord... I had forgotten to tell her...
"Amber I have something to tell you."

Amber laid back as she looked over at me.

"I'm dating a dude. I'm uh..."
"Oh my god really? Do I know him?"
"Huh uh... No, he's still pretty new to here so no one really knows him."
I watch as Amber lays back.
"You'll have to introduce me to him. So you're gay?"
"Bi. I'd be lying if I said I didn't like girls."
"Well, I'm really happy you told me, I know telling people that kind of stuff is really hard."
"Tell me about it," I said with a laugh.
"So Jon, please tell me you aren't gonna sleep in your car anymore. I know you don't wanna talk about it but please! for me, your friend. My offer will still stand and Maybe you can come with me after we graduate in 2 months."
"You're moving?" I questioned,
"Yeah, I and a friend from Richmond are gonna move to Rochester."

"What for if you don't mind me asking?" I said laying back on the car as well next to Amber.

"Well... Me and my friend- Wes is his name. Me and Wes always dreamed of being roommates and moving far away from our parents. We planned out our ideas in middle school before we moved to Bakersfield but, we were talking about it the other day over the phone and I think we're gonna stick with our plan. Of course, we're gonna need more roommates so maybe you and your boyfriend could come with us."
Hmm. The idea of moving from here has always been on my mind, engraved but maybe I should, me and Fred. This is a perfect opportunity!
"I'll think about it. I'll ask my boyfriend about his thoughts but we're gonna need money-"
"Don't worry about it! I have it handled."

"Huh?" I said turning to Amber.
"Money? I have it covered. My family is pretty wealthy, I'll just take some from my father's safe when we decide to leave."
"No Amber you Don't-"
"Shhhh zip it I don't care I will because you deserve better Jonathan. All that shit your parents did to you- I want you to not worry about a single thing."
I was in complete shock. I had barely known Amber but it felt like we had known each other our whole lives. I have never really had very many friends. It was just me and the guys and not even they would do anything like this for me. I mean maybe Munky but this was...
"Amber you really Don't! Im just some loser you saw at a local show, I don't have many friends, I'm homeless, Im broke, Im a fag, Why are you so nice to me? A girl like you would have watched me get pushed into a puddle of mud then stop to kick dirt on me and laugh."
Amber sat up pulling me up with her and she took hold of my hand.
"Because You're a good person. I'm not like other girls you know... I may have dated some jock but it doesn't make me a asshole popular girl. When I lived in Richmon I was a total geek. I don't hurt people and never will. I Don't Hate you for being Bi either because that stuff just doesn't bother me. You need a friend like me, someone who actually gives a shit and I wanna be the girl you can come to."
Amber leaned in to hug me. My heart was in my ears pounding like a drum. This feeling of happiness hit me, I haven't felt this way in a hot minute.
"You're a great friend, Amber," I said pulling away.
"Good! I'll be sticking around more often got it?"
'Yeah." I said staring at the the sky.
"Jon people really do care for you. We're all here for you just don't forget."

Chapter Text

My weak, sore knees pressed hard onto the pew. This pretending I'm praying shit was so annoying. After I finished, I sat up and watched as my pastor approached me with a golden bowl of Holy water. He slowly dipped his fingers into it and wiped it across my forehead.
"Jonathan, I sense sort of... pain in you and I do believe you should start joining us at church on the weekends to help you. God loves you very very much."
I scoffed.
"Does he now?"
I looked up at the pastor. He wasn't happy he looked annoyed.
"This isn't a joke I'm being truly honest with you Jonathan. God has you in his heart and is willing to help you if you open yours. Will you think about it, son?"
I nodded my head yes but my mind said "fuck no!" This dudes a joke. Just like this godly shit- fuck I can't handle it anymore I can't! Religion is such a joke i-
"Yessir..."
The pastor began to walk away as I continued my task of going to the confessional. I never knew what to say to the pastors when I went to one of these. As I sat down in the dark confessional, I tried to think of things to say... to confess.
"You ready for me to speak?" I asked the pastor. It was so dark why couldn't I see his face?
"Go on?"
I took a deep breath in and then out.
"I... iv become so... so Unhappy with myself. I mean... I'm happy. I have everything I could have ever wanted with the best partner but... iv lost my home. If I could go back to before all my problems had started I would have apologized to my father. I would have told him how stressed he makes me feel pushing God on me. I feel good though, I feel free from my parents since they kicked me out. And when I met my partner it felt like the weight on my heart lifted. I used to not want to keep going on with life I just wanted to give up on everything, everyone but... then they came into my life... that day I saw them for the first time I felt like maybe there was hope for me again. I really feel like I wanna try my best for them.."

Now, the booth was quiet. Usually, the pastor would respond but today he was quite...
"Hello?" I asked.
Soon, the light flipped on. And through the little screen holes, I could see a face.
"So did you really mean all that?"
I slightly jumped at the sound of Fred's voice.
"Fuck Fred!"
He gigged from behind the screen.
"Sorry Johnny I knew you were gonna be in here I hadda see you!"
I began to rub my face as Fred began to ask his question again.

"Really... I wanna know.."
I nervously picked at my hair.
"Well... yeah. I love you so much, Fred. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve you but I'm truly so thankful for you. I mean you had to have felt something between us the first time I saw you in Mrs. Shaffer's class?"
"Well yeah- kinda.... ok your right."
I leaned forward to see Fred's face better.
"Sorry I was being such a dick that day, I woke up stressed as fuck because step bitch was yelling at me and throwing shit at me. She was throwing every insult under the sun at me over some bullshit so I wasn't feeling good."
"No need to explain Jon, I get it. I knew I wasn't gonna give up on you especially when you were in the bathroom crying because some assholes had jumped you. I swear if I had caught them in the act I'd knock some teeth loose on those fuckers! And I do wanna say sorry again."
"For what?" I questioned
"For you know... that fight we had. I know we're past that but I really hated myself that day. When I hit you when we had our little lunchroom fight. I can't really explain how I felt in that moment when you slid across the floor like that. Your limp slumped body. I wanted to beat myself up. You were so in the right for hitting me. But me hitting you like that wasn't me. I thought I killed you so when u saw you push yourself up I felt relief."

"Fred it's ok, we're ok now, right? So it doesn't matter."
I then watched as Fred sat up and walked out of the confessional booth and into my side. Fred stepped in and shut the door quickly then he ducked to kiss me. His hand was placed on my cheek and jawline. His kisses trailed to my neck under my ear. I groan.
"Fred- not here what if someone hears?"
"Don't worry about it, no one's here anymore. I need you, Jon, I need you right now. Besides, I thought you didn't care if people heard you. I don't know Jon, didn't you leave me a list of your kinks in that notebook?"
"I-uh- yeah I guess..."

I felt one of Fred's hands slip down to my waist. God that forbidden touch of the waist always made me feel so... I watched as Fred began to kneel now, his hand was on my thigh.
"Well, Johnny whaddya say? With your consent of course."

I chewed at the bottom of my inner lip as I looked down at Fred. It's so weird seeing him like this when usually it's me at my knees for him. He was getting me hard and he didn't hasn't even done anything yet fuck why am I like this? I nodded my head. I couldn't get words out of my mouth this was very risky, I liked risky. Fred began to slowly unzip my uniform pants. The impatietness rushed me quickly as I could see Fred was purposely teasing me. I breathe heavily in my excitement. "Has Johnny been a good Lil angel?" Asked Fred with seductiveness in his eyes.

"Yes, I- I have," I replied.
"That's good to hear baby. How bout we take this clothing off and you can reveal that unholy cross between your legs huh?"
"D-do please Freddie," I mumble.
Fred begins to laugh as he begins to slowly rip my pants down.
"I wanna sin Johnny I wanna slather that cross in my saliva and watch your soul leave your body as if the devil were here to take you to the afterlife with him."
"F-fuck Fred are you the d-devil?"
The role play gah one of my weaknesses.
"Maybe I am-" He laughed "Your sins are mine now."

Now Fred was looking up at me with his gaze. My erection was peeking out of my Grey boxers that he had yet to pull down. Fred couldn't help but laugh I know the look on my face was as desperate as it looked like I was in my pants. I wasn't ashamed though. Fred slipped two fingers between the elastic of my boxers slightly pulling them down so he could see the little bit of my v-line. "Johnny, baby, you're so excited and we haven't even gotten to the good part, my little sinner."

"S-Sorry.." I whimpered,
"Don't be, I know how desirable I am." Fred leaned forward and kissed the skin on my hip bone then he started to pull down my boxers. My stomach kinda jumped a little in excitement. I kinda hate the way Fred makes me feel when he gets me horny. I know I'm a bottom but I don't know.. I could be better at this if he wasn't so seductive, so fucking hot.

I watch as he begins to do his thing. His mouth was so warm fuck he made my insides scream. I couldn't help but think how weird it was to be getting a blow job in a church... iv had blow jobs in the strangest of places but this... yeah nothing like this is all I can say. I watch Fred's head bounce up and down, his soft hands clutch my thighs. I squirm a bit in my discomfort. I really much rather have been doing this someplace else not in this fucking small confessional. We could have taken things to my car but Freddie really couldn't wait could he?

"Mmm." I groan as Fred's head bounces faster and one of his hands glides up my thigh a bit more.
"F-for fucks sakes Fred t-take me to hell already-"
Fred Lifts his head up to take a breath, saliva falling from his tongue and mouth. He tries to wipe it away and smiles.
"Why would I do that huh? You haven't even came yet. Do master a favor and do that baby and maybe I'll think about it."
Fred begins to wipe away the remaining silva from his face then he places his hand on my dick.
"Maybe I should hold the cross and say a prayer to make the demons go away. Do you want the devil out of your sight?" He asks as he starts to slowly jerk me off.
"N-no-" I whimper "Never leave me satan, please? I'll be a good boy- i-ill be a good boy- take me please-"
Fred and I are face to face as he begins to pick up his pace, moving his hand up and down.
"You want me to take you with me to the underworld? Oh baby can you handle what's down there? What if it's too much for you?"
"N-nothings to m-much for me." I whimper as Fred takes his other hand and grabs my face.

"Prove it, I want you to release. Can that holy cross of yours do so?"
Oh god, I wanted to cum so badly. Fred, why do you make me go crazy?
"Ah- f-fred-"
"Shh go on I'm waiting."
I begin to take a deep breath, it shook as I let a moan escape my mouth and out into the open. I closed my eyes squinting them and placed my hand on Fred's.
"I can't if you aren't hitting the right spot."
I guided his hand at a faster pace and in no time I was about to cum.
"S-shit mmm take me, Freddie."
"C'mon Johnny, do it."
Fred stroked a few more times before I let out one last moan then released. Fred then grabbed my face and leaned in to kiss me. His tongue slipped between my teeth and then out.
" good job baby."

It was about 6:00 PM and me and Fred began to watch the sunset. We both leaned against my car, Fred was smoking a joint. I look over at him. That stupid red cap he always wears. I snatched it from the top of his head and put it on. He looks over at me and smiles.
"It looks better on u than me ha."
"You think?" I said with a chuckle.
"Yeah." He says as he goes back to staring at the sunset. I begin to look down at the ground.
"Freddie?"
"Yes, Johnny?" He says and he waves the joint in my face. I take it from between his fingers and take a hit.
"After we're done with this shit hole school... do you wanna go to Rochester with me?"
I then passed the joint back to Fred, his eyes remained on that orange and red light from the sky.
"Uh... yeah, sure. Let's get away. Away from this place, these fucked up people, this fucked up school. I'll go anywhere with you Jon."

Fred then pulls me closer to him and I rest my head on his shoulder.
"I love you, Fred, I... don't know what I would do with myself if I didn't have you with me."
Fred flicked the ash off his joint and stared out from Beyond the golden horizon and the darkness of the sky, light glinting off his pretty blue eyes.
"I love you too Jon. I don't know what I'd do without you either."

Chapter Text

3 days. 3 days? 3 days till I die? No ha, till I won't have to look at this boring old building. 3 days and I won't have to stare at these boring lockers, the tiled floors beneath my feet, the brick walls covered in godly Christian posters, the teachers, and all these fucking pricks. 3 fucking days till freedom. I could hardly wait!

Me and Fred began to make our way to the janitor's closet to skip bible study like usual, Fred wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer to him. He kissed my cheek.
"Johnny you smell like shit."
I glared at him.
" Thanks, I haven't been able to shower in a week..."
"well uh... swing by my house and take one, my parents won't be there, they're on a 2-day business trip."
I sat down on the floor and pulled my backpack close to me trying to dig out my unfinished homework.
"Well?" questioned Fred,
I turned to him confused,
"Huh?"I said.
"The shower? I want you to take one at my house."
"Oh... Yeah, sure."
I went back to rummaging through my bag.
"Johnny? You ok?..."
I zipped my bag up, forget about the homework!
"Sorry... I'm out of it today, I had like 2 hours of sleep, I'm stressing about finals, and I tried to sleep when I crashed at Feildys but he had some chick over and they... uh... they were... yeah... who could sleep through that noise?"
"Oh... well then... ok but really, will you?" said Fred as he pulled his phone out of his bag.
"Yeah, But afterward I gotta meet up with Amber, you wanna come with? then you two can finally meet."
"Yeah, I'll go. But maybe before we go we can-"

said Fred with a smirk and shoving his elbow into me.
"I would say yeah but I'm too exhausted and I really gotta finish my homework-"
"Don't worry baby, it's fine."
"Are you sure?" I asked as I watched Fred begin to text someone on his phone,
"Of course, I won't force you C'mon Johnny I'm not that much of an asshole."
"I didn't say that, But ok, Thank you for understanding."

"yeah of course."
I began to peek over at the screen of Fred's Nokia, Who was he messaging? I watch as Fred's fingers
Hit the buttons on the phone spelling out "I love you too man!"

"Who are you texting?" I questioned,
"Oh uh just a friend, I recently got back in contact with him through my dad. His dad and my dad used to work together and yeah."

"Oh?"
"Yeah he used to live in Jacksonville but he moved around a lot, Pretty happy to be able to talk to him again, we're like brothers and he means a lot to me."
"Nice."
Great now I just sound like I'm jealous... fuck I'm not in the right state of mind! Just wait till I'm outta this school and Bakersfield.

The cracks of two beer cans are heard in my ear, Amber begins to take a sip and Fred begins to chug his.
"No fucking way you know Wes!"
Amber giggled,
"Well yes, the fuck I do! It's crazy that you know him!"
The two laughed as I Laid my head down on the table and closed my eyes. Fred stood next to me and put his hand on my shoulder and began to rub it.
"You good Johnny? Do you want a beer?"
I lifted my head up and sighed,
"No I'm good... the finals shit is really stressing me out. Cant wait to be free!"

Fred pulled a chair out from another table and sat next to me.
"You're doing great Jon I want you to know that, and I'm very proud of how far you've come."
"Thank you, Fred."
Amber began to lean forward,
"Hey I got the money for when we leave, I think it'll be enough for us to take a plane to Rochester and get a small 3-bedroom house." "shit really?" Said Fred, "How rich is your dad holy shit?" "It was for my college funds and for me to get a car and house when I was older and just some money for expenses I'd run into in life but I don't plan on going to college, maybe a trade school but nothing like how my parents planned for me. If our lives are like books then why let someone write your story? I'll write my own story and in this book, this bitch ain't going to college." "You're absolutely right Amber," I said closing my textbook. "We should all be able to write our own story and do whatever the fuck we want." Fred then handed me a beer. I guess ill have one. I cracked it open and held it into the air. "Cheers to us not giving a fuck and doing our thing." Amber and Fred both held their beers up high. "Cheers to us getting the fuck out of here." We all clanked our cans together and took a sip of our beers.

Later that night, I stayed at Fred's house. Im wrapped in his arms, the room was dark and quiet and I could only hear the light breathing of sleeping, Fred. I couldn't sleep. I just couldn't stop thinking about how happy I was gonna be when we left.

Finally, Graduation! I... I did it!!! It almost felt so unreal! I look through the crowd to find Fred, when I finally spot him and run to him.
"Fred!"
"Hi, baby!"
I hugged him and then smiled.
"It's finally happening! we're so close to our freedom!"
"I know! Now get back to your spot and meet me afterward ok?!"
I shook my head and went back to my spot."

It had felt like a fever dream when I walked up on stage to shave the principal's hand and take my Diploma. after we all got through with the diplomas, we all threw our caps into the air. Suddenly, that weight on my chest felt lighter. after the ceremony I found Fred waiting at my car. I hugged him tightly.
"Let's get out of here!"
I said turning around but then my smile sank.
"I..."
Dad?
"Hello Jonathan..."
Fred turned and shot him a dirty look, I pushed Fred back knowing what he might have done if I didn't.
"What do you want?" I ask in disgust of this man in front of me.
"It's your graduation... I wouldn't miss that for the world...Look, I know you never wanna speak to me ever again but... Wherever you go, with whoever, I want to know I still love you. Iv said some hurtful things but I thought that I'd make amends before you left. I know you don't believe in our one true power of god but he spoke to me and in this house, the devil laid his hands on our heads and made them spin."
I stare at my father, tears welling in both mine and his eyes. As much as I wanted to forgive him, I just couldn't. maybe later in life I could but now, now wasn't it. now wasn't the time. I held my hand out to my father.
"Goodbye, Dad..."
He looked down at my hand and shook it.
"Goodbye, Jonathan.
after hugging my friends goodbye, me, Amber and Fred walked into the entry of the plane and found our seats. I was nervous but here was the start to a new life. I looked over at Fred who was holding my hand tightly and Amber who was sleeping. I felt so much relief. Goodbye Bakersfield, Goodbye Hot Carling Academy.

Chapter Text

I tiredly sat on the bed Fred and I had just carried upstairs and looked around our new room. It was so empty. everything was still In boxes and what wasn't was scattered on the floor.
"What do you think?" said Fred turning towards me with something in his hand, I began to smile.
"What's that?"
"A gift for you sweetheart."
I stood the approached Fred slowly.
"You didn't have to."
"I did so take it and shut up."
I chuckled and then began to open the scroll.
"Holy shit you didn't have to!!"
It was a Skinny Puppy poster like the one I had back at home, It had all the band members' autographs on it.
"How- why-"
"Thought it would make you happy since your dad destroyed yours-"
I quickly set the poster on the bed that hugged Fred tightly.
"I love you Fred I really do! I don't deserve you!"

Fred held me close to him and laughed.
"I hope that we have good things going for us here, A new start in a new place, with new people, And finally, A new life with you."

"Gosh, Fred it sounds like we're an old married couple."
We both laughed as Amber showed up randomly in the doorway.
"I don't mean to bother you lovers but, Wes is outside and-"
"FUCK YEAH WES!!!!!!!!"
There went Fred out the doorway and down the stairs. Me and Amber laughed as we rushed down to meet him. Fred was giving Wes the biggest hug ever, Wes didn't even get time to put down his bags.
"NO FUCKING WAY MAN!!! ITS YOU!!!"
Wes smiled, his huge eyes widened and then he laughed.
"I MISSED YOU TOO!!!"
Fred let go and Wes sat his bags down on the floor and then hugged Amber,
"I missed you too Amb!"
While the two were reuniting, I just stood there awkward as hell... I didn't know Wes but I knew he was very important to both Fred and Amber. Wes smiled at me and held out his hand toward me,
"You must be Jonathan, Iv heard so much about you."
I awkwardly shook his hand then I began to think, Does he know about me and Fred?
"Hey guys let's order a pizza or sum I starving."
"Sounds great Fred let me grab my phone!"
Said Amber running over to her purse and taking out her pink cell phone. I sat on the couch and Wes sat next to me. I felt nervous for some reason... was it because this was Fred's best friend?
"So Jonathan, I don't really like making small talk but tell me about yourself," said Wes as he pulled one of his bags into his lap and took out his phone.
"Uh sure, what do you wanna know?"
"I don't know really... uh How'd you meet Fred?"

"The night went very well, Me and Wes really hit it off- I think."
I said climbing into bed and waiting for Fred to join me.
"He likes you don't worry, hey listen, he doesn't know me and you are dating. I'm gonna tell him soon ok? I wanna give it time but for now, he knows you're really important to me."
Fred climbed into bed next to me and I turned to him.
"You're really gonna tell him? You've never told anyone close to you about us."
"Yeah, I know but Wes... I've gotta tell him. I'm nervous though."
"I get that just take your time, I won't rush you."
Fred kissed my cheek then asked,
"So do you wanna?"
I knew what he was insisting. I smiled.
"aw shucks, fine. But we gotta be quiet."

Chapter Text

It was grey and gloomy in Rochester, It had been raining for a few days. I kinda liked it though since Bakersfield was always so hot. Me and Fred are sitting in the backseat of my car soaking wet. He laughs,

"Well uh, so much for a walk... sorry Johnny I wanted to do something fun with you today the weather ruined our plans." "Don't worry about it."

Fred pulled his phone out and tried to turn it on realizing it was dead so he threw it into the front seat.
"You got Wes's Number?"
"Yeah."
"Cool uh, text him and tell him we're gonna be late because of the weather, ain't no way we can drive in this."
I pulled out my phone from my back pocket and began to text Wes, Fred looked over at me then he began to say something.
"You know...you're pretty fuckin cute right?"
I glance over at Fred then continue texting.
"Ha sure."
Fred smirks,
"I don't know Johnny, you look cute when your all focused and shit."
I smiled tucking my phone into my pocket.
"What are you doing?"
"Doing what?"
"What you're doing right now..."
"What?"
He was playing dumb and planning something. He was pretty fucking hot doing it too.
"Can I not compliment my wonderful, Hot, sexy, adorable Boyfriend?"
"Fred I don't know what you're doing but stop."
He was being so mysterious, was I sure getting off to it?

"Why should I?"
"Well... I don't know- It's kinda odd."
"What is baby?' he asked placing his hand on my leg,
I smiled nervously, why was I nervous? He's my boyfriend god dammit.
"You know... we're gonna be stuck here until the storm clears up, maybe we could uh... do something to pass the time?"
I rolled my eyes,
"Didn't we just fuck like 2 nights ago?"
"Oh, baby you should know me by now, ill take any chance I can get to fuck you, sweetheart."
I chuckled as Fred drew closer to me.
"Can't we just listen to the rain? It's calming."
Fred laughed,
"Only if it's between your moaning while I hit it from the back."
fuck Fred. I rolled my eyes up at him with an annoyed look that had him giggling.
"And you say I'm the horny one?"
"Hey you can't say you've wanted to fuck at weird times because you have, So uh how bout you shut up now and sit in Daddy's lap."

He seriously just called himself Daddy...

"How bout you shut up dick."
"This dick could shut you up."
I glared at Fred who was now laughing at his stupid joke.
I couldn't stay mad at his foolish face he's just too hot. I giggled trying to look mad but it was undeniable I wasn't anymore. "You... are not funny."
"oh I am and you know it! now stop playing around Johnny and make a move. unless you want me to. I want that slutty lil body on me."

Oh is that so Freddie? oh shoot I'm giving in. Gah fuck you- I love you.

I leaned in to kiss Fred, placing my hand on his face. within seconds, we started going at it. Without looking away from me I felt his hand slide up my shirt and then he rested it on my hip.

His tongue slips past my teeth then he begins to move his lips to my neck sucking the skin until it was red and sore. I groan feeling my erection growing in my jeans. Fred knew he could get me off easily by the way he did things a certain way. Fred then took his hand off my leg and slowly inched his way under my pants and past the elastic of my boxers.
"Sh-Shit-"
"What is it, Johnny? Cumming too soon?"
"No- You can't get me that easily."

I felt his hand slowly grab onto-
"I love how easily you get horny baby, it's hot and that's what makes you so fuckable you know? I wasn't the type to be horny all the time before I met you."
With his other hand, he began to undo my pants while he made eye contact with me.
"Yeah- sure... Fred Durst, not horny? You're joking."
"I'm serious! Now I can't get enough of you, Jon."
"Prove it then Freddie, prove it right now," I said with a half smile.

The movement came from my car every time Fred slammed into me. the once cold leather seats were now sticking to my skin. I breathe heavily as I push my hand against the fogged window. The car was hot now. I groan loudly as I press my forehead against the window, Fred pulls my hips closer. every time his hips rolled you could hear that forbidden clapping. "Jesus Johnny I love the way you arch your back like that." Fred moaned. I tried to keep quiet but as Fred got deeper my moans did. "Y-you do huh?" I quivered as I removed my head from the glass. "Does it make you wanna cum Freddie?" I teased. "S-shut up." "what's the matter, Fred? Is it too soon for you? I bet you would like it if I arched it a little more." I bent back more, and Fred began to get louder. "Don't do this to me, Johnny." I could tell he was irritated, probably because he's usually top and isn't used to being taken control of. "I know you want to C'mon." Fred held tighter to my waist and then stopped. "F-f-fuck you, Jon-" I feel Fred remove himself and lay back on the other door. I flipped myself around to see Fred a mess groaning and out of breath. "Seriously fuck you." "Aw don't be mad Fred I know you wanted to so don't be a bitch and whine about it." Fred tilted his head up and smiled still breathing heavily. "w- ell if y-you weren't so hot... Hey, check if Wes answered e-eh?" I pulled up my pants and reached into my packet to check if Wes had said anything. "Uh he's still at the coffee shop, Do you think the weather is fine to drive in now that it's not downpouring?" Fred began to fix his belt and climbed over the middle compartment into the driver's side of the car. "Yeah get in the passenger side imma drive." I climbed out of the back into the front and read the message that Wes sent 2 minutes ago.

______________
Wes: Hey what did Fred wanna tell me earlier?
Jon: Uh I don't know
Wes: You know what I'll ask him when you guys get here

Wes: the storm cleared up over here how bout you guys?
Jon: It just died down we're on our way me and Fred also had to do something..
Wes: Well uh hurry up I'm on my 5th coffee and I'm not gonna sleep tonight if I drink anymore.

______________
We had found a place to park and ran inside to avoid the rain. Wes spotted us and called us over to his table
"Finally! I ordered you guys a coffee and some brownies!"

We both sat down, Wes was really hyper I'm guessing because of the coffee.
"So Jon we need to get your friends to come down here! I know you mentioned something about being in a band!"
"Uh yeah, we're a local band so if we did shows here nobody would know who we were..."
"Well don't knock it till you try it! maybe your band needs to perform in a new setting. then maybe you could get famous."
"Yeah, you're probably right," I said finishing the last of my brownie and taking a sip of my hot coffee,
"Hey, Wes remember when we were gonna start a band?"
"Yeah, Why didn't we go through with that actually? I can play guitar, you sing..."
"Because we couldn't find people to join the band remember?"
"Oh shit yeah..."
As Fred and Wes continued talking my phone rang. I answered, Amber? Oh fuck!
"Jon you still gonna help me pick out a car?"
"Fuck! I totally forgot! I'll be there soon!"
After hanging up I turn to the guys,
"I gotta go catch up with Amber I'll be back to pick you up, Fred."
Fred gave me a thumbs up and I walked away. I guess they're too busy talking then to properly say goodbye? I got in my car started up and left to to the car dealership.

Chapter Text

"You could have at least tried to cover those up." Giggled Amber,
"Huh?"
"The hickeys on ur neck silly."
Fucking Fred! It must have been from earlier in the car- I went to cover them with my hand but there was no use.
"Is Fred the reason why you forgot?" Amber said looking at a car in front of her,
"Kinda? Uh... And we met up with Wes. I gotta pick Fred up after this."
Amber laughed, and then we both sat down on a nearby bench.
"Well whatever happened it's ok, I picked a car, registered it, and all that. I pick it up Friday."
"Sorry."
"Don't be! So... is Fred going to talk to Wes about you two?"
"I don't really know actually. I was hoping he'd say something today but if he doesn't it's fine, I don't want him to feel uncomfortable."
"Well since me and Fred both know Wes, He's not one to judge a person, and that's what I love about him. He's a little strange so not much can scare him away, I'm sure Wes won't care about the two of you being Bi."
I began to look down at my feet and pick at the skin around my fingers.
"Hey, Jon.. can I tell you something?"
"Sure?" I replied.
"I... think I might be in love with Wes..."
"Oh?"

Amber started to chew her lip nervously looking at the ground.
"I guess I have been since we were kids but... I don't know, I really don't wanna fuck up our relationship because I tend to do that with people and Wes is someone I really care about." I pulled Amber closer to me and hugged her, "I say go for it, Tell him. I mean I haven't really known Wes long but maybe he won't reject you. You two are very close tell that guy you love him like there's no tomorrow." Amber smiled laying her head on my shoulder. "Stop it you're making me giggle like a fool. Thanks, Jon." "Anything for a friend."

Me and Amber had left the dealership and then made a quick stop to grab some slushies at a gas station on our way to the coffee shop. Shit... I realized that the shop closed at 6:00 and it's 8:09 ... Fuck I hope he's not mad... I had pulled to the side of the road and parked the car, Fred was across the street sitting on the curb.
"I'll be back," I told Amber who was sitting in the passenger seat drinking her cherry-flavored slushie. She nodded her head at me as she began to search the radio for a song she liked. I got out and walked across the street to Fred. He rubbed his eyes wiping his arm over his eyes and sniffled.
"Fred, are you good?" I asked sitting next to him,
"Yeah..."

Fred begain to stare out forward and sighed.
"Hey jon? Do you rember when I said... I wanted to tell Wes about us?"
"Yeah... did... did you-"
Fred turned to me, a sad look rushed over him.
"I" you could hear the lump in his throat. "I did then he just... left."
"What? He left because you told him me and you are dating?"
"Yeah. I'm afraid I might have scared him off."
As I went to hug Fred he pushed me away. I understood he wasn't in the mood for my comfort which I was fine with. Amber then ran up to us from the car,
"What's up? The radio ran out of good music ha."
"Sorry..."
"Fred told Wes."
"He did?!"
Fred sat up, "fuck Wes..." He begain to walk to the car.
"Oh... what?! He couldn't possibly think bad of you guys! He's super supportive of that kinda stuff- this kinda stuff..."
"I guess not huh?"
I sat up and me and Amber walked to the car.
"Well when Wes comes home we should all talk about it. Last thing I need is everyone fighting when we all live in the same house.."
"I totally agree."

Chapter Text

I'm sitting next to Fred on the couch nervously chewing my fingernails. I don't know why I'm nervous, maybe because now we're about to have a serious talk with Wes.
"Wes should be home in 20 minutes ok?"
Said Amber tucking her phone into the pocket of her low-waisted jeans.
"He say anything about me?"
Asked Fred sinking into the couch and letting the cushions swallow him whole,
"He didn't say much he just told me that you and him were talking and you said something that caught him off guard."
Fred closed his eyes and sighed.
"I should have fucking waited it was too soon man... I'm a fucking idiot and now my best friends gonna hate me forever."
"Chill Freddie! He doesn't hate you I mean... we were bound to tell him at some point...." I said sitting up from the couch and grabbing a beer from our mini fridge.
"Were gonna figure things out ok Jon and Fred? I don't know what's up with him."

Amber began to tuck her orange hair behind her ear as she reached for the remote. I'm standing in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room taking a swig of my beer. I look over at Fred. He looks terrible... I don't think Iv ever seen him so disappointed. Honestly, he looked like he wanted to become one with the couch at that point. Fred, please don't become a couch everyone's gonna wanna put their ass on you. A couple of minutes went by, It was late. soon, minutes became hours.

It's 2 am. I'm lying in the recliner surrounded by crushed beer cans, a can even still in my hand half full. I wanted to sleep but I just couldn't, I had to wait and see if Wes was coming. Amber was asleep next to Fred who hadn't moved from his spot, Wide awake. Fred then pulled himself from the couch to his feet staring at the door.
"As expected... fucking prick!... I'm going to bed care to Join me, Johnny?" He asked turning his head towards me,
"Uh... In a bit." I replied trying to sit up from the chair.
Amber awoke and just stared at me.
"What time is it?" She asked pulling out her phone.
Fred began to exit the room up the stairs.
"Did he ever show?"
"Nope..."
"The fuck?! Are you sure?" Said Amber angered,
"Yep, Iv been up. No one walked through that door."
Amber sat up and stretched then shoved her phone back into her pocket.
"Well, Im pissed! He totally avoided the situation!"
"Yep."
Amber shook her head in disbelief and then went upstairs. I reached into my back pocket and grabbed my phone, checking to see if Wes got my messages.

____________
Jon: So you're just gonna ignore everyone?
Jon: Hey Amber messaged you, You said 20 minutes... it has been an hour.
Jon: Hey we're not playing fucking games! You realize that what you did is disrespectful right? Fred's your best friend!
Jon: it's been hours where are you?
Wes: Busy
Jon: Busy? No! Get your ass over here!
Jon: Hello?!!??
Jon: Wes!
Jon: Ayo!
Jon: Awnser now! Where ya at?
Jon: This isn't a game Wes!
_______________
Right as I was about to put my phone into my pocket a message.
_______________
Wes: Sorry I was busy what's up?
Jon: What's up?! You stood everyone up! You knew what we had to talk about!
Wes: Fuck I know! I'm sorry!
Jon: No you're not! Why did you just walk away from fred at the coffee shop?? Real dick move!
Wes: Listen it's hard to explain!
Jon: Just admit you're a homophobic piece of shit and that's all.
Wes: I'm not! This is all just a huge misunderstanding! Listen I really have no time to argue but I'll talk to Fred about this ok?
Jon: Well now I and Amber are involved especially since Fred is my Boyfriend so whatever you have to say to him you have to say to us all!
Wes: No! Just fred! Or I'm not saying shit at all! You wouldn't understand Jon! I'm sorry.
Jon: Understand what?!
Jon: No no no! Don't ignore me now Wes!
Jon: Im telling Fred!
Jon: Fucking answer me!
Jon: This is actual bullshit, Wes!
Jon: Wes?
_______________________________

Chapter Text

I'm laying in bed thinking of that message Wes had sent before he stopped replying to me. Fuck this whole situation! I turn over to see Fred who is fast asleep. Still, I could only think about how sad and disappointed he was. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, Can't sleep... I'm to stressed to sleep. I begin to put my sweatpants on as I sit up from the bed and scratch my chest. I just need some air... I slowly make my way down the stairs and to the front door. I sigh then open it. Well shit what a fucking coincidence!
"O-oh hey Jon-" said Wes with a frightened look on his face.
In an instance I felt angered and I shoved him outside and closed the door.
"You got some fucking explaining to do fucker!"
"I-i Already told you! You d-don't understand asshole!"
"Oh so we're name calling huh?!" I said shoving Wes again,
"DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME OR SO HELP ME GOD I'LL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!" Said Wes.
"BRING IT ON PUSSY!"
I begin to get closer to Wes as I fill with rage. He turns and knocks me square in the jaw.
"I fucking mean it Jon! I'm not saying shit to you! Get out of my way so I can go to my room!"
"Kiss my ass!"
I swing hitting Wes on the right side of his cheek. Wes then shoves me aside and opened the door.
"NO GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE!" I yell as I chase him up the stairs hitting the wall hard as I turn the corner of the hall. Wes runs straight into his room slamming the door.
"GET THE FUCK OUT! GET OUT CUNT!"
"JON!"
I turn around to see Amber frightened out of her mind. Fred runs out of the bedroom in only his blue boxers and black shirt.
"What the fucks going on?!?!"
"Wes's bitch ass is what's going on!" I say as I punch a hole through the door. Amber and Fred run over and begin to pull me away rom the door.
"What the actual fuck Jonathan!" Said Amber placing her hand on her head.
"Calm down!" Fred says as I begain to breathe heavily. It was hard to "calm down" when my adrenaline was pumping.
"What the fuck happend?" Questioned Fred,
"He said he had sum to say to you and that were not getting any explanation from him! I'm sorry but anything involving you I'm involved too! Especially if it's gonna be about me and you dating!"
I watch Amber knock on the door and Wes poked his head out,
"YOU GOT SOME FUCKING EXPLAINING TO DO BITCH!" I yelled as Fred stood infront of me.
"I Said fucking calm down Jon!" I pushed Fred away and walked over to the stairs and sat down. Wes came out closing the door and leaning on it...
"Fuck you really wanna hear what I gotta say huh?" Wes said shaking.
"I'm so embarrassed but fine... Fred... iv had the biggest crush on you since we were kids...."
My face dropped all anger but now into confusion. Jesus christ...
"I'm happy for you two really but... this just wasn't how I wanted to come clean... Jon I'm fucking sorry!"
Fred just stares at me from across the hall and then at Wes.
"I sorry this was all so fucking dramatic but I though maybe me and you would become a thing one day but it's fine... I'm so happy for the both of u Fred and Jon... and if you'll excuse me... I'm going to bed."
Wes quickly rushed to his room closing the door. Amber turns to us confused then goes into Wes's room leaving both me and Fred in the hall.

Me and Fred are back in bed. Staring at the wall across from us.
"I'm... so lost... a loss for words too..."
I look over at Fred. Fuck was this all my fault? Did I take things to far?
"Fred..."
Silence... Fred just lays down and closes his eyes.
"Fred im... sorry..."
Still silence... I lay down. Fuck me! I close my eyes hoping that it'll get rid of the tears falling from them.

I wake up to the smell of pancakes and eggs. I turn over to see Fred wasn't there. Fuck I almost forgot about last night. I hoped that it was a dream. I sit up and throw the blanket off of me. I guess it's time to Go downstairs...

Chapter Text

I step foot in the kitchen, Amber was setting all the food she made on the table. I looked around then sat down at the table.
"Have you seen Fred?"

"Uh... I think he and Wes went out. They had to talk about last night."
"Fuuuuckkkk..." I said covering my face with my hands
"Hey its alright, I mean... you scared the shit out of me and everyone but I mean you have a right too... you just approached the situation wrong is all."

"Yeah..." I said rubbing my eyes and grabbing a paper plate from the middle of the table. "I just feel so... stupid... Fred's probably mad at me and Wes hates me now and fuck! He likes my boyfriend."
I leaned back I my chair as I begain to dump a shitload of syrup on my pancakes. I feel Amber hug me from behind then sit next to me at the table.
"Hey I get how protective you are over Fred and you know, I wish all my boyfriends did what you did for Fred for me. Don't beat yourself up too much Jon."

"How can I not Amber? My boyfriends best friend wants to be with him and what if Fred gives in?! What do I do when it actually happens?!" I said with slight panic,
"Hey calm down Jon! He won't hopefully! If he really loves you he won't."

"I hope you're right because I thought what we had at the beginning of the school year was special... all those stupid love letters and songs- I... don't even know if he has that notebook I gave him anymore..."
Amber began finish off her eggs then sat up to throw her plate away.
"What makes you think that?"
"Well... it used to be in his sock drawer in our dresser and... it's gone. I discovered it was when I put his laundry away for him..."
Amber walked up to me and took my empty plate.
"Well he probably moved it for safe keeping? Just maybe don't think about it to much."
After breakfast me and Amber decided to go out. I needed to clear my head I just needed to not think about anything involving Fred and Wes. I though all my problems would be solved when I moved away from Bakersfield but I guess not...

Me and Amber were hanging with some friends she met a while ago at a party. I couldn't help but stare at my phone at old messages from Fred. While looking through them a new one popped up
------------------------------------
Fred: Hey I wanna talk to you when I get home.
Jon: Can't, gonna be out all day.
Fred: OK how about when we go to bed.
Jon: idk
Fred: Hey what's wrong? You seem unhappy. Not like the silly guy I know.
Jon: It's nothing ok...
Fred Johnny? I know it's gotta be something.
Jon: I don't wanna talk about Wes if that's what it's gonna be about.
Fred: We have to... you know what where are you guys now? We're gonna have this convo now.
Jon: Fuck no!
Fred: tell me now don't be immature!
Fred: Hello??!
Fred: fine be that way asshole I'll ask Amber.
-----------------------------------
Fuck.
It took a hour till they both showed up. I didn't wanna speak to Wes. I really didn't wanna talk to Fred either. If I was religious I'd fucking pray this shit to end right here and now. God please take me now I want to get away. What am I saying? Shut up please why am I so dramatic?
Fred sits down at the table I'm sitting at, Wes next to him. I wanted to call Amber over so bad but she was busy with her friends. It's cool... I gotta stay calm. Fred takes a deep breathe then turns to Wes. He's obviously nervous. He licks his lips and begins to speak,
"Listen Jon... last night was crazy and I wanna apologize for hitting you and getting so mad..."
I just stare at him, I couldn't seem to let the words from my lips escape so I sat in silence.
"Me and Fred spoke about everything that had been said last night... I'm sorry for ignoring all of your guy's texts and I'm sorry for putting you on the spot by saying all that. It was inappropriate of me. I... I was just irritated that you kept pestering me when it was something I wanted to talk to Fred about. I wanna assure you that I won't be between you and Fred's relationship."
I continue to stare, I... don't know what to say....
"C'mon Jon can you not be immature and just say something?!" Said Fred,

"I- I'm sorry..."
No no tears are starting to form in my eyes why?! I turn, it's to late I'm fucking crying jesus-
"I'm so sorry... I need to go..."
I sit up from the table. Fred sits up.
"Jon it's ok! Where are you going?"
I ignored his question as I walked away. I turn to see he's following me.
"Jon?"
"Fred for one fucking second could you just leave me the fuck alone!"
Fred's face was full of disappointment and sadness. I just needed to be alone to think about everything! I feel so suffocated with all this shit! How could I process that deep down inside Wes still liked Fred even if they "figured out" the situation and that Fred might have thrown away my notebook.
I watch the sun set, a cool color of blue and green. It's late and iv been walking for 3 hours just trying to clear some head space. For some reason I felt sick, home sick, I missed my friends. I didn't miss Bakersfield I just missed the people there. Now that I think of it, it had been a bit since I called them. It's 9 pm here so it would be 6 pm over there. I pulled out my phone and looked through my contacts, Munky. I started to hit call listening for it to start ringing while I sit down on the nearest bench,

"Hello?"

"Hey munks!"

"HOLY shit Jon!!! How are you!!!"

I laughed,
"good!"

"That's good!" Replied Munky, "what's up?"

"Oh well..." My voice sounded weird as tears well in my eyes, "I miss you. How are are the guys?"

"They're great! Hey listen we wanna come up there and see you at some point!"

"Yes you totally should!" I say wiping my tears away and smiling. "I really miss Heads stupid jokes and the two other bozos"

"Yeah well uh I'm gonna call you back tomorrow ok? Me and the guys got shit to do but we love ya Jon!"

"Alright, tell the guys I said hi and I miss them!"

"Will do Jon! Bye JD!"

I hang up the call and begin to look around. Time to go home.
I walked through the door. The living room was empty... I head upstairs to my bed room and stand in the doorway. There was Fred flipping through the notebook I gave him. He looks up from the bed.

"Holy shit I'm glad your not dead! Where were you? Did you see my mesages?"

"No sorry..."

Fred sighs,
"Come sit by me."

I begain to twist my hair around my finger as I walk over and sit by Fred.
"This poem you wrote me, "He is divine.
He's holy.
he is the sinner and I am the rosary.
wrapped around his fingers, and placed in his pocket.
Hidden from the world like his sins.
I am his sin.
And only God will know of us." ... this is one of my favorites you've wrote for me you know?"

I knocked my head. Fred takes hold of my hand and stares me into the eyes.
"Hey you don't have to worry! Me and Wes are friends and that all we will ever be! You are my special someone and you are all I need! Please never forget that ok. I know I sound like an idiot saying this all but I really do love you and I'm not just gonna drop you for anyone. Wes and I are friends and he understands. I just don't want you to feel like I'm mad at you. I was mad that you and Wes got into that fight last night but we got it all figured out ok?"

I shook my head.
"I'm sorry for being a whiney little bitch heh..."

"Hey but you're my whiney little bitch and I can tolerate it." Fred said smiling,
"Now will you talk to Wes and figure your guy's shut out?"

"Yeah... ."

"OK good."

Fred leaned in to give me a kiss, his hand rest gently on my leg.
"Let's go to bed baby."

~♡~

Chapter Text

I'm curled in a ball on the bed. Why don't I feel ok?! It's been 2 weeks since that little problem happened with Fred and Wes, I'm still slightly bothered by it all. I feel so sick and lost for what reason? I force myself out of bed and walk out into the hall. I jump when I see Fred standing in front of me.
"Johnny? You ok?"

My face was boiling red stained with my tears seen under the sunlight. My hair is ratted from not brushing it.
"I'm f-fine.. "

"No you are not, stop lying to me! You've been acting weird can you just tell me what the fuck is wrong?!"

"Acting weird huh? You're the one acting weird! I can't just tell you "what the fuck is wrong"! You wouldn't understand!"

"So help me understand damn it!"

I scoff then walk up to the hallway closet opening it and then going inside shutting the door. I sit down and rest my head on my knees. The door opens. I refuse to look up until I hear the door close. Fred sits next to me wrapping his arm around me,
"Is... is it about Wes?"

I sniffle then rub my nose and look down.
"no." I reply,

Fred pulls me into his arms,
"This kinda reminds me of when we'd sneak off from Bible study to sit in the janitor's closet heh." Laughed Fred,
I slightly smile rubbing my eyes staring down at the floor.
"Fred... what if I said I missed Bakersfield? Yeah as crazy as it sounds.... I really miss my friends and Munky's mom. She's the closest iv ever had to a mom..."

"You're not alone on that, I have been thinking about a lot of stuff actually... maybe I was harsh to my parents. I should have been straightforward with them about you.

Fred and I went silent for a bit.

"I really wanna know if things are good with you and Wes..."

"How about I wanna know if nothing between you two... I don't want to find out the hard way when someone tells me that my boyfriend is fucking his friend..."

"Jesus Christ Jon you're killing me! I don't know how many times I have tell you that nothing is ever going to happen with Wes and I! We settled that ok?"
I shrugged and then watched Fred stand up.

"I don't know how thick that skull of yours is but it's really starting to piss me off because it seems like nothing I say is even being heard. It just goes in one ear out of the other. aren't we supposed to trust each other?"
I sat quietly, What's the use if I told him how I felt anyway?

"I see... well..."
I watch Fred open the door and then say,

"Get ready... I wanna take you somewhere. We're gonna talk about this though..."
Fred leaves and here I am, sitting alone in the closet. I'm seriously starting to hate him but at the same time, I love him. Hest my everything and more and maybe I don't hate him, I just hate myself.

Chapter Text

I was curious about where Fred wanted to take me. I Didn't really wanna Go either. Just looking and speaking to Fred made me sick... Not in any way bad towards him but because my self-hatred wouldn't let me tell him how bothered I was to even live in the same house as Wes. And I sound so selfish for wanting to tell him I don't want him to even be his friend.
Fred parked the car and we both got out.

"A bar?" I questioned
Fred didn't answer as we walked in. The place was packed. As we walked up to the bar I tugged on Fred's sleeve.

"We can't get beer were not old enou-"

"Shhhhhh!" He said cutting me off, "They don't ID people here so don't say anything."
after we got our beers we walked into the crowd.

"What are we doing here?" I questioned as I covered my ear after some drunk asshole yelled in it,

"I don't know maybe you should look up at the stage."
I turned to see some people walk onto the stage of the bar,

"Helloooooo Rochester!"
The crowd roared in excitement. Holy shit!

"We are Korn but formally known as L.A.P.D but we decided We needed to change up the name. I'm Munky, that's Head, Feildy, and David."

I turned to Fred with a big dumb smile plastered across my face,

"I haven't seen you smile like that in a while." Said Fred taking a swig off his beer,
"How- What- I-"

"I flew them down here just for you, I'd been planning to do so for a second since you missed them so much... Hopefully, this makes up as some sort of apology in a way but I wanna talk to you later tonight if you don't end up drinking yourself happy."
I couldn't express my feelings, was I unhappy with him or happy that he did this just for me? It was too late to say because just as I went to speak,

" And we're definitely missing a person up here would you agree Head?"

"Definitely! Where is our singer?"

"Yes Jon? JD if you are in the crowd please get your ass up here!"
I looked over to Fred as he signaled me to the stage. I handed my beer off to him and quickly ran up there. The drum beat rattled under my feet as the crowd started to cheer and clap. I look over at my bad, this had to be a dream! I smiled at Munky as Munky shot a thumb up at Head and Head did the same back then put up an okay sign to the other two.

"Hi... so this is a song called Layla-"

We had finished playing, The whole bar loved us! It felt great not having to worry about anything but just playing with my band, my brothers! The guys ran up to me and hugged me as we took a bow to the stage then exited to the bar's back door to take a breather.

"Holy fucking shit I cant believe you guys are all here!" I said pulling Head and Munky into a hug as David and Feildy sat on some nearby stools and lit a joint,

"We're happy to see you!" said Head,

"We should all go back to your place Jon we got some news but first we gotta party!" Yelled Feildy,

"Oh for sure!" I responded.
I Turned to the back bar door as it began to open, Fred Durst...

"Heyyyy guys!" He said holding up his fist,
EHead and Munky began to fist-bump him as Fred slowly approached me,

"Not to ruin this beautiful moment, I need to speak to Jon."
Fred quickly pulled me to a nearby alleyway. I almost forgot we had to talk... brother.... I stood against the ally brick wall, Just me and Fred staring eye to eye, no words spoken... Just silence......

Chapter Text

Fred grabbed my face as he approached me giving me a small kiss then pulling away, his hands slipping into mine, gripping them tightly.

"Don't make fun of me... I wrote you something..."
I watch as Fred pulls out a slip of paper from his pocket.

"I had promised him one thing, never to leave his side. And alongside that promise, more were made, to make sure he that I'm the best for him, not to hurt him, to love and cherish him, to make him know he's got me when he has no one. I wrote this not only because sometimes it's hard for me to get the words out of my mouth but also because I really had to think about what needed to be said. You might not agree with this but, I will continue to be friends with Wes. We have talked out our problems and I promise you that he's not interfering with our relationship, He has also admitted to me that he had fallen in love with Amber. To finish this off, I feel like I don't say it enough but I really do love you and I want us to go back to how we used to."

Fred folded the letter and crammed it back into his pocket. we stare into each other's eyes, unsure what to even say... The tension just grew stronger within my body. Did he feel the same thing? I understood clearly what he was saying but how could I put my thoughts into words?

With no hesitation, I place my hands gently on his face and pull him into a hard but delicate kiss. His hands slide over the top of mine then down to my waist, I pull away,
"I'm sorry..."
"Don't be baby," said Fred holding me closely. "I just know that if I were to lose you over something as dumb as this situation Id feel like a huge asshole..."
"You are an asshole." I laughed,
Fred smiled,
"I know but you know heh..."

"THIS IS TO THE BAND! The people I love the most!"
I raise my shot in the air and then quickly dump it into my mouth as everyone cheered me on. The music was loud, the guys were all talking to each other, Fred was talking to Amber, and there was Wes... alone with a red cup in his hand standing in the corner looking at his phone. I walk over to him awkwardly hoping to make some conversation.

"Hey..."
Wes looked up and stuck his phone in his pocket as he sipped on his beer,
"hey Jon."
The awkward silence was louder than the music...
"Look... we had some issues... I'm sorry...." I said shoving my hands into my pockets,
"I am to... I don't really know what to say other than that. It wasn't my place to get mad or even tell Fred and you and I feel like an idiot about it all."
"Wes it's fine! I'm glad you said something and you know what... I was just being a dramatic little sissy. Things never should have become as intense as it was."
Wes sipped on his beer again then held out his hand,
"Were buds right? you're my best friend's boyfriend, I want no more problems I just really wanna get along with you."
I looked down at his hand and then shook it.
"So... I heard you like Amber."

"So you heard?" Wes said with a smile,
"You should totally go out with her dude! She really likes you but she's scared to say or do anything because she doesn't wanna ruin your guy's friendship."
"Really?"
"Positive... ask her out before she chickens out please? She's one of best friends and I want her to be happy."
"Yeah... I'll do it, I'll do it right now."
Wes turned to where Fred and Amber were and beagin to walk over there. I watch as he asks to speak to Amber alone and soon Fred replaces the spot where Wes stood.
"What up?" Fred asked,
"He's asking Amber out."
"Shit really? I'm proud of him!"
Fred wrapped his arm around my waist and placed his beer bottle to his lips.
"Glad that things are starting to feel somewhat normal again."
Fred takes a sip of his beer then pulls me closer to him,
"Me to... no more childish arguments, let's just live our lives, the way we want it!"
"Yess!"
♡

Chapter Text

"Hey HIV! fuck off!" yelled a jock pelting me with paper balls, I began to run to the bathroom to hide in a stall. It wasn't even safe for me to walk in the hallways anymore! A month into this school and everyone was convinced I was a homo...

I threw my stuff to the corner of the stall and crouched down. Not even two minutes later that same guy knocked on the door trying to kick it open.
"Come out queer! You can't cower in there forever! Hey, do you think I could beat the gay out of you you little fag? oh, I bet I could!"

I couldn't help but cry with every loud bang on the door.
"Oh were crying like a little bitch too? Just wait till I get in there you'll have even more of a reason to cry!"

All there was to hear was the rattle of the lock beginning to break every time the kick got harder, I pressed my back to the cold tiled wall and cried hysterically. Was this really happening? And was I really just gonna sit here and cry like a bitch instead of defending myself? I knew I was better than this but things had changed so suddenly that I didn't care about anything. Myself especially. I was scared to do a damn thing! If only my father could believe that I was not gay and that I was a Christian then maybe I wouldn't be in this situation at all.
"Come out fucker!" Said the jock as he kicked open the bathroom door, my heart was beating so fast and hard, I could hear it in my ears. And only fear could be seen in my facial expression. He lunged at me but I had moved away fast enough to grab my things for my attempted escape from the bathroom. I slipped on the wet floor hitting my chin on the ground then pushed myself up.
"C'mon HIV we're just having a little fun!"
I got up quickly flinging the door open and I began to run down the hall,
"HELP ME!"

I had only stopped running for a second and suddenly the jock crashed into me sending me flying into a closed locker. I quickly sat up and grabbed my bag and weakly held it in front of me as a shield, he snatched it and threw it leaving me there almost as helplessly as I was when I was trapped in the bathroom. I covered myself with my arms as the people around us watched, and laughed, I was so helpless...
"Later gay-wad!" The jock said as he walked away. I moved my arms from my face, he was gone but everyone else wasn't. Still, they stood there laughing. I wipe my tears as more fall onto my face and stand up to grab my bag. I lean to pick it up and what do you know? The girl I had asked out and got rejected by... She was gorgeous but her beauty was pain, A Pain for me to stare at knowing she saw me as some fucking loser who had shot his shot, just like every other guy who asked her out and was ridiculed for doing so. I quickly got out of that school and threw the courtyard doors to the parking lot. I'd spend the remainder of these two hours of school in my car...

I really didn't want to go home and I knew if I wanted to I could just go over to Munky's house but I felt like a burden every time Im there. The house smelt good entering, Guessing That my father's wife was making dinner early. I walk into the kitchen,
"Hello?" I say as I approach Holly,
"Oh brother..." she says while drying her hands,
"What??"
"Nothing..." she scoffs, "Set the table for dinner."
I walk over to the cabinets and take out 6 plates.
"So Jonathan," says Holly,
"Yes?"
"I see you skipped class today."
"How do yo-"
"Because," says Holy cutting me off, "The school calls you know..."
"Yeah... they call my dad so how do you know?"

"Your father left his phone here. he was in quite a hurry. I had only answered the phone because it rang."
I finished placing the silverware on the table,
"Yeah... I skipped... For reasons that are not your concern! Not like you actually give a fuck about me."
"Yeah, you're right on that Jonathan."
"So why even ask?!"
"Because the only reason I act like I care is because I care dearly for your father and I don't want you fucking everything up for me! You ruin everything, Jonathan, You're a pathetic waste of a man, a Christian boy whos supposed to be respectful but no, you're a stupid fag, and I'm the one to always look after you!"
"You know what Holly, Fuck you! And I really wish my father wasn't so blind or he'd actually see that you are a cruel, sick, sinister bitch! You deserve nothing from my father at all!
I watch as Holly goes silent... she slowly places her towel onto the counter and turns around to approach me. Now we're face to face. So much tension between us... I felt like I might know what she was about to do... No hesitation at all, She had lifted her hand and slapped me hard and clean across the face. It burned As I moved my hand up to my face, while she just stared at me with her evil, blank facial expression. "Leave." I pressed my palm hard onto my cheek hoping it would make the pain go away. "What?" "You heard me... Leave. I won't allow this evilness around me and the dinner iv made for the family, Spoiled, evil little brats deserve to starve. Do not return tonight." I couldn't believe this! She was kicking me out of my own house for the night without my father even knowing! I Scoffed grabbed my backpack Then headed to the front door. I couldn't help but scream and cry in rage when I got into my car.
"Jon?" I had awakened from how hard I was being shaken. "Jonny you ok?!" I opened my eyes, face wet and covered in salty tears, "Huh?" I said wiping my face. "Are you ok baby?" said Fred, was it all just a dream? "Come here.." Said Fred pulling me closer to him, "Bad dream?" he asked, I nodded my head as I wrapped my arms around him. I had felt more hot tears form in my eyes dripping onto Fred, "Shhhh it's alright. It's alright baby." Said Fred with a soft tone, so soothing that it might actually put me back to sleep. "It's all gonna be ok, let's lay back down alright? I'll hold you all night long if that'll make you feel any safer."

Chapter Text

It's a cold breezy day, Amber and I are hanging out at our favorite coffee shop.
"So how are you and Wes?" I said with a smile nudging her shoulder,
"Stop haha! were pretty good... We uh... had sex for the first time last night..."
"Oh, shit really? how was that?" I said picking up my coffee to warm my cold hands,
"It wasn't bad but I don't know... It was awkward since I was nervous and so was he, it's weird because we were once friends and now we're together you know? and not that we don't like each other- I mean we're very happy together but I don't know..."
"Don't worry I know what you mean."
Amber took a sip of her latte and then set it down.
"So I heard you had a bad nightmare a few nights ago, Fred told me... He said you wouldn't tell him what it was about."
"Oh..." I had forgotten all about that dream... I just wanted to wipe it out of my memory but I couldn't... it's different when your "Dreams" are actual things you lived through.
"Sorry to bring it up I just wanted to see if maybe you would wanna tell me... Or if I- or you could just somewhat let Fred know It wasn't anything bad between you two, He was pretty concerned."

I sigh, "I'm fine don't worry about it... It had nothing to do with Fred it was just about the shit that happened back in high school... No big deal..." I said trying to turn on my phone,
"Shit! Phones dead could I borrow yours?" I asked Amber,
"Yeah of course." She says handing me her small pink Nokia.

_________________________
Fred: Thanks Amb!
Amber: No problemo Freddie D!
Friday, 4:32 pm

Amber: Hey, It's Jon.
Amber: My phone died so I'm using Ambers.
Fred: All good, What's up love?

Amber: I wanted to know when you were coming home, You are gonna be home tonight right?
Fred: Yessss I will
Fred: Sorry That I didn't tell you that the last time me and Head went out, Dude was crazy drunk and so was I.
Amber: Yeahhh I remember

Fred: I'll be home around 6 pm
Amber: Sounds good.
___________________________
I hand Amber her phone,
"So do you wanna hit up the record shop and maybe grab some weed?" Asked Amber,
"Yeah totally!" I replied with a smirk.
Me and Amber are at home, sitting in her room smoking a fat joint. I needed a little relaxation. I then sit up off the bed,
"Gonna go take a shower," I said handing over the joint to her, "Cool Cool." Amber replies,

The scorching, burning hot water hits my cold skin sending some relief through me, I wipe the water from my eyes and stare at the shower head without a thought in mind. Maybe I wasn't even there... Maybe I was in another universe, trapped in the comfort of the water and how the burning felt good melting my skin off my bones, Still alive somehow and still so thoughtless. I'm awakened from the trance from the shower to the curtain opening and closing and feel arms wrap around my waist,
"Hey, baby."
I feel a kiss on my neck as he pulls me closer,
"Hey, Fred."
Now, just the two of us are under the burning water watching the steam turn the bathroom into a sauna.
"How was your day?" Fred asks as he rests his hands on my hips,
"It was great actually, I missed you."
"I missed you too."

I pull one of Fred's hands around my waist as we sway through the water, He begins to kiss my neck slowly, It makes me feel so good, it's so hot, he's so hot, and I want him so bad.
"I'm so fucking high right now, But I want you so bad Fred."
"Do you now?" He says in that same old submissive tone.

Chapter Text

"Well, then ask for it, baby." Says Fred tucking his head into the crook of my neck,
"Here's me asking. I want you so badly..."
"How bad?" He says as I feel he has that stupid little smirk on his face.
"Fuck Fred don't... don't do that. stop."
"Do what?"
"Don't make me beg for it I just... I want you to make love to me so for a minute I don't feel like I'm some stupid moron! I-

The feeling of Fred's wet lips begin to kiss my neck, I let out a little "mmm" as he starts to suck on my neck and bite. Was I a sucker for biting... His arms move from my hips to my chest, he begins to hold me closer continuing to suck and bite.
"I- I want you to fuck me so bad..."
He begins to kiss my shoulder as he moves down to my hip again.
"Fred?..." I questioned as he stayed silent.

"Oh ill fuck you don't worry your pretty little head, But I want you to beg, Tell me how bad you want it baby and it's all yours."

"f-fuck-" I groan as I feel the tip of Fred's dick tease me.

"I want it more than anything right now⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆" I whimpered,

"Then fucking beg pretty boy, how bad do you want it?"
"So... Fucking bad..."
"Prove it." Said Fred as he slowly began to grind into me still teasing me with his-
"Jesus Christ~"

"You ready for it baby? You ready for it and all its glory?"
"Shut the fuck and fuck me already you talk more than you do"
"Hey don't get mouthy asshole, I could tease you a whole lot more if that's what you want? Do you want that pretty boy? You wanna wait? I can for sure do that-"
"There ya go again, yapping, less chit chat Fred."
"I fucking hate when your high, your bossy... It's hot."
"Fuck you!" I said with a half smile, "Oh, I plan on it." Said Fred,

A gasp escapes from between my lips when I felt him enter inside of me. Hard and ready to go. The waters use as lube.

"If you fuck me good I'll give you a blow job baby." I said biting my lip with a smile,
"Hey who's topping here you or me? Someone's a little confused right now maybe you should stop takling"

"Someone's a little cocky maybe you should stop talking like IV been saying and fuck me harder Im not feelin anything Freddie."
Fred shoves his hips deeper into me, the water trickles down my face with the slapping of every thrust Fred does.
"Mmm there ya go Freddie good job."
Fred let's out a moan then says "where did you get your weed? What did they put in that shit?"
Was he getting off to me fighting to dom him? Wait what did they put in that shit? I kinda like not being the bottom for once.
"Fuck Fred your not doing a good job at all maybe I shouldn't give that blow job..."
"No- I'll go deeper baby I will I'm sorry-"
"Are you?"
Fred pushes himself deeper, he feels so fucking good.
"I'm so close mmm."

The clapping grew louder as Fred slammed harder into me. I cum then Fred pulls out.
"Beg for it Fred, fucking beg for it."
"W-what?"
"You heard me ... You want your dick in my mouth or what?"
"Jesus fucking Christ Jon... I'm not good at this stuff..."
"Ur not good at what? Asking for what you want? Use your big boy words sweetheart."
"I- I want..."
"You want what? A little louder Freddie!"
"I want..."
"You want me to suck your dick don't cha? You want that so bad right?"
I pull Fred close to me and grind against his leg.
"Yes" Fred moans,

"There ya go, yes what?"
"I... Want you to go down on me ..."
I slowly slide down Fred's slippery, wet body to my knees and push my wet hair out of my face and throw it behind my back. I slowly begin to jerk him off as a sort of tease. He groans and I let out a devil-ish smirk. I then wrap my lips around the tip of his penis moving my tounge in a circular motion, it was hot watching him squirm and want more. I move my head and pull more of him into my mouth and with every movement of my head I test myself with how much I can take in of him without choking.
"J-Johnny-"
Hearing him say my name made me want to give him more. At this point I was choking on it and he's big so I couldn't get most of him in my mouth.

"I'm gonna cum baby." Moaned Fred,
I bobbed my head faster and look up at Fred as I let the pre-cum drip down my throat, I take him out of my mouth and go back to jerking him off.
"Come on Freddie be a good boy and cum for me."
"Fuck~ your too good at th-" "Shhh I wanna hear you moan.' I watch as Fred finishes all over my hand and chest but the water begins to slowly was it all away. Fred let's out a whimper then pants loudly, "Never ... Again ..." "What?" I say as stand up and open the shower curtain and get out, "Your... Never... Doing this again.... I'm top." "Sure. Why can't we just change up the game sometimes that was very enjoyable. Dry off, I'll be playing my game."
I sit on the bed and Fred walks out with the towel wrapped around his waist. "Aren't you gonna get dressed weirdo?" "No.. it's our room, and I find comfort in my own nudity." Fred shrugs and throws his towel on the floor, "Might as well do the same..." He sits between my thighs on the floor. "Can I play?" I pick up the other controller next to me and hand it to Fred. "I hope this weed wears off soon I can't take the game seriously." Fred laughs, "It made you a super freak." "Why'd you add super?" "Because your a freak already." "Alright shhhhhh I'm trying to concentrate." "Have fun at that because I'm gonna be making you regret this gameplay."

Chapter Text

It's 3 am, in my boxers, cuddled up to Fred, and not tired at all due to the sickness I was feeling. I'm distracted by my thoughts like I always am at these late hours. I slip away from Fred who is snoring like a foghorn and creep out of the room and down the stairs to the kitchen. Maybe a drink would make me sleepy? Or feel better at least. I'm startled by Amber leaning on the counter and texting someone on her pink Cellphone.
"Whatcha doin up so late Amber?"
She looks up at me, then sets her phone down,
"I don't know... I had a nightmare."
I walk over to the sink and begin to fill a glass from the counter with tap water.
"I'm sorry."
"All good Jon, hey not to be weird or anything but ... How do you know if ur partner is cheating?"
"Uh... Well there's many ways you can tell."
I take a sip of my water then clear my throat,
"What makes you think that he is?"
Amber sighed,
"Well..." Amber grabs her phone then puts it in my hand, I begin to read Ambers messages
____________________
Amber: I love you baby <3
Read 2:15 pm
Amber: baby? Is everything ok? You haven't been home since 12 and you left me on read.
Wes: sorry I'm busy
Amber: Well don't be so busy you forget about me silly! Love ya! <3
4:06 pm
Amber: Wes if I did something wrong can we talk about it?
Wes: you did nothing wrong sweetheart sorry for not texting I'll be home in 5 minutes:)
Amber: ok :) I love ya! <3
Read 4:08
_______________________

I hand Amber back her phone and then she shoved it into her back pocket.
"Did you try to talk to him?"
"Yeah and he said everything was fine but it didn't seem like everything was because I had told him I loved him and he wouldn't say it back... And it's just weird because we had started saying we loved each other the 3rd week into dating and I don't know Jon what if he's not in love with me? What if I ruined our friendship because I thought I loved him?"
I set my water onto to counter and hung Amber,
"I'm sorry Amber... And you know what? I'll talk to him tomorrow."
"Jon you really don't have to-"
"No." I say cutting her off, "I will because your my friend and maybe this is my fault. I told him you liked him and I'm the reason you both are together so maybe I can talk some sense into him."
"Jon let me talk to him first though! It's my relationship and I wanna try to figure it out myself ok?"
"Ok Amber."

She's right... I can't fight her battles, only my own.

----------------------------
"Morning dumbass."
"Huh?" I say groggily and rub my eyes, the sun was blinding. Fred throws a pillow at me.
"Get up you lazy bum."
"I'm not!" I say rubbing my nose and sitting up making sure to push my hair out of my face. Fred puts on his stupid red cap then grabs onto the blankets pulling them onto the floor
"Up up up Johnny." He then laughs. "Looks like someone's waking up from a good dream, little morning wood?"
I look down then grab my pillow and throw it into my lap then giggle nervously.
"Oh shut up fuck face."
"Oops sorry Johnny haha just fucking with you but I guess you really were having a good dream."

"I swear to god-"
Before I could even finish my sentence Head and Munky waltz on in,
"JD heyyyy!!" Says Head jumping on the bed next to me
"Were gonna have a shit ton of fun today guys!"
"Oh yeah!" Yells Munky.
Fred walks over to dab Munky up and Head starts to pull on my hair.
"Jon get outta bed bro were leaving in 5."
"All right! Fuck!" I get up and grab some jeans and my black tank top and quickly pull them on.
"Has anyone messaged Wes?" Questioned Munky,
"Yeah I did, he's downstairs in the kitchen." Said Fred.
"Let's go then!" Said Head as he tugged on my arm and threw me towards the door,
"Guys can we chill out I don't feel too good..." I say rubbing my head. "I think I'm catching a cold or sum ..."
"Shit JD you're always sick." Said Head leaving the room, we all then follow him out down the stairs to the kitchen.

We're greeted by Wes and Amber down in the living room, the two looked mad at each other.
"Ready to roll Wes?" Asked Fred.
"Yeahh..." Said Wes.

"Wait where are you guys going?" Asked Amber,
"We're having some sort of guys night." Said Wes,
"Well couldn't I come with?" Asked Amber,
"No." Answered Wes angrily,
"C'mon Wes Amber can come were not in high school anymore were not gonna argue and forbid the woman to come with us." Said Head,
I glare at Wes who was just standing there with his arms crossed with a scowl.
"What even is your problem?" I asked.
Wes glared at me then shoved past me,
"Mind your business Davis."
What the fuck? What's his fucking problem?! Fred noticed me getting angry and patted my back,
"Calm.. Hes just being a Dick were just gonna ignore him."

I scoff then roll my eyes,
"Let's go guys." Said Munky.
_____________________________________
They guys had planned this night weeks ago, a night where we all go out to this club to get wasted drunk and listen to music.
"Hey guys c'mon! I booked us a table where we can all sit with our drinks!" Said Head.

We make it to the table and I sit down, my head was killing me and I honestly didn't wanna be here... Clubbing at 10 am is too early to do this shit at.
"Hey I'm gonna stay here guys..." I said rubbing my forehead,
"Hey I'll sit with you," said Amber, "Wes would you stay too? Just for a second?" She questioned.

So there we were, all three of us. Amber began to try and talk to Wes, I tried to not listen in so much and focus on this killer headache I had.
"God you know what Wes? Fuck you!"
Amber got up and then went to join the guys so then it was just me and Wes. He rolls his eyes and pulls out his phone.

"Hey dude? Quite being a fucking douchebag! They fuck was that?!"
"Jon so help me God if you don't mind your fucking business! Ur always up in someone else's shit and ruining things why don't you shut the fuck up and stay out of my issues!"
He did not just... I will beat the shit out of this guy who the fuck does he think he is?!?
"Keep fucking talking punk! I'll beat the shit out of you in front of this whole club! Quite treating Amber like that! That's your fucking girlfriend!"
"Stay the fuck out of my relationship with her you hear me or I'll come in between urs and Fred's. Done fucking test me!"

I sat up in rage and grabbed Wes by the front of his shirt.
"Get up fuck face! Ur coming with me.!"
Wes didn't say a word, I just pulled him out of the chair and dragged him to the bathroom. I shoved the door open and shoved him in there, he hit the wall knocking the wind out of him and I pinned him to the wall.
"Why don't you just fucking tell me what sick fucking game your playing or I'm gonna beat the shit out of you right now!"
Who was once acting tough and mean was now scared and crying,
"O-o-ok Jon fuck! Please don't hurt me!"
"Done act like a fucking bitch after you just threatened me! What the fuck is going on?!" I said flipping him around and shoving his face into the cold white tiled wall,

"Oh-k--k-kay I'll tell you!"
I let Wes go thinking he'd tell me, he then punched me hard in the face.
"I didn't want to fight with you but you leave me no choice... Amber is going back to Bakersfield with her family like it or not! Her dad is mad that she left with all his money."
I shake my head to get rid of the distortion of the hit and I try to swing at Wes, he moved out of the way,
"Y-you cant! Wh-why are you doing this?!?"
Wes grabbed the front of my shirt
"Because out of all this... I can go to college and her dad's gonna pay for both of us to live a successful life... You took Fred from me and you know what? You can have him because I now have Amber and we're gonna go away and get away from all you losers!"

I'm now dangling in Wes's fist by my shirt trying to get free but I felt too weak from how sick I felt.blood slowly dripping onto his hand from my nose,
"Then why are you treating her like shit?!"
"Simple. I'll just apologize to her and then manipulate her to come with me back to Bakersfield."
"She won't go with you... She's smarter than you think!"
"Jon... Shut the fuck up!"
Wes raised his fist then darkness hit like a metal bat to a baseball.

Chapter Text

I wake up after some time goes by, maybe even hours? I push myself up and press my palm onto my forehead.
"Dude you good?"
Questioned a guy at the urinal,
"Uh? I don't know...."
I stumbled to the mirror trying to remember what had happened, my brain felt fuzzy and I felt even more sick than I already felt. That's when my memory hit me and I stormed out of the bathroom to find anyone of the guys. I luckily had found Fred right away because of his stupid red cap.
"Fr-Fred!"
"Jon where the fuck have you been?!"
"Help! I need your help!"
"Calm down! Why is your nose bleeding?!"
"Fuck Fred! I won't calm down so fucking listen to me!! Where's Wes and Amber?!"

"Uh I think they left why?"
"Wes is going to take her back to Bakersfield!"
"What? Jon are you ok??"
"I'll explain on the way back to the house! Round up the guys!"

We had quickly rushed to the house but it was too late... Amber and Wes were no where to be found. I run to Amber's room and see that all her drawers with her clothes and a few other belongings were gone. What the fuck was happening? She wouldn't just leave like this! I sit down on the bed and pull out my phone, a message from Amber.
"Jon im sorry this had to be the way to tell you, but me and Wes had planned to leave. Wes and I had planned that we want a life together with out you guys. And Im sorry if you are mad at me. This is just how it has to be."
Fred knocks on the doorway to get my attention then walks towards the bed to sit next to me.
"Shes gone..."
"What?"
"She had been planning this the whole time! God I let some chick be my friend and she ended up fucking me over in the end like every girl has in my life!"
"Hey dont blame yourself Jon! This wasn't your fault."
"Yeah but its Wes's... that fucking prick! I never liked him..."
I stand up from the bed.
"Hes a fucking good for nothing fucking life ruining loser!"
"Jon stop."
"Stop what?! Speaking the truth? Or do you like Wes so much?! Maybe I should have let him have you!"
"God fucking dammit Jon shut the fuck up! Do you even hear yourself?! Your worked up and you think your just gonna take it out on me huh? Sorry but I won't sit here and be your fucking punching bag!" Said fred getting up too, "I'll see you in bed. Fucking sleep off your shit!" He said exiting the room.
He was right, I had been so worked up since the moment I followed Wes into the bathroom at the club. I felt reckless, confused, and lost. I truly could not understand why Amber would do this.

I had stood outside for air for a bit, Munky had came outside to share a cigarette with me.
"Hey jon, im sorry for everything tonight."
"Its fine... not like its any of your fault. Life just fucking sucks and you just dont know how well you know a person."
"Yeah..." said Munky taking a drag off his cigarette.
"Wes was a weird guy..."
I take one last puff off my cigarette before I char it out.
"He wasn't just weird, he was the biggest piece of shit iv ever met out of all the pieces of shit in my life."
"Even bigger than your father and his wife?"
"Right on the same level."

I climb into bed and turn to Fred. He was awake.
"Fred?" I said softly, "Are you mad?"
He turns his head towards me,
"At you? Yeah... you and your stupidness." He then goes back to staring st the ceiling.
"Im sorry.."
"I dont wanna hear your sorry. Im only accepting a kind gesture or apology, one that you really mean."
"Well can I do so now? I dont wanna go to bed knowing you are mad at me."
"Sorry Fred's shutting down now try again tomorrow." He says turning his back to me. I deserved this for being such a dick. I turn my back to Fred's and tuck my hands under the pillow and holding it close.
"Goodnight Fred." I say closing my eyes,
"Night Jon."

Chapter Text

All morning had felt awkward and confusing. Usually Amber would be in the kitchen willingly making all of the house breakfast. But today, I find Head being the household cook. As Feildy says, "Head boyardee"
The guys were all eating and chilling, watching what they could on the TV, and Fred was in the kitchen trying to scrape the remainder of scrambled eggs out of the pan while Head finished washing his hand.
"Hey JD there's a plate of food for you on the table!" Head says slipping through the doorway.
"Thanks."
I wander over to the table and pick it up and begin to eat. Fred turns over and then snatches the plate from my hand.
"Hey! What fucking gives?!"
"Im hungry." He says dumping the eggs and bacon onto his plate and then throws the empty plate into the sink causing it to make a lot of noise.
"Ok, what I said last night wasn't right, and im sorry! But your going over the line pimp!"

"Oh? Am I now? But its fine for you to do and say anything right? You dont need these eggs you dont look like your starving."
"Fuck you!" I said shoving Fred into the sink. He then throws the eggs and bacon all over me and shoves me into the table causing me to fall onto the chair and breaking it and pulling off the table cloth making everything on the table fall off onto the floor.
"No Jon fuck you!" Fred says rushing out of the kitchen, out the front door, and slamming it hard.
I push myself up and brush off the eggs on my shirt and in my hair. I walk into the living room with eggs and bacon still all over me and everyone's eyes on me.
"Dude what the fuck?" Said David,
"Yo JD you good?" Questioned Feildy,
"Im fucking splendid." I said with a infuriated smile.
"Man my eggs." Said Head standing up and picking them out of my hair. I slap his hands away and he starts to laugh. "I'll clean up the kitchen." He says walking away.

"What happened?" Munky questioned,
"Nothing... just one of our dumb little arguments is all dont worry..."
"Well why is he mad?"
"Hes mad about a lot of things... seriously munk dont worry about it..."
"Ok but if you ever wanna talk about anything I'll listen, you're my bud!"
"Thanks."
I quickly rushed outside to find Fred, he didn't make it far from the house. I ran up to him and grab his shoulder,
"Can we fucking talk?!"
He just gives me a death stare. His eyes were like laser beams.
"Look, im sorry i keep bringing up the Wes thing but you know what, I feel like I can't trust you sometimes."
"Why's that? Bc iv told you so many times that nothing would have never gone anywhere with him!"
"I know! And thats on me! Im paranoid about those things ok... im sorry Fred. I dont wanna fight with you God dammit! I just want us to be happy we dont always have to fight!"
"God finally you fucking think so!"
"What the fuck does that even mean?! That im always picking fights???"
"Yeah. Because you do."
"Bullshit!" I said shoving him.
"You put your hands on me again I swear to god Jon!"
"Huh? What? You gonna beat on me? Do it, pussy."
Next thing you knew... Me and Fred were fighting. I only wanted to fix things but our anger got to the both of us.
Fred wrappes his arm around my neck having me in a strong head lock. I drop to my knees and pull Fred down with me.
"Let go asshole!!" I yelled elbowing him in the face. He let go and winced in pain covering his face with the palm of his hands just laying on the hot sidewalk. He begins to laugh.
"Fuck Fred im sorry!" I said in concern.
I push myself up and scoot to Fred trying to pull his hands off his face. I wanted to know if he was crying or hurt. But there he was, nose bleeding a little, and him just laughing his ass off.

"What is wrong with you?" I questioned as I stood up,
He wipes the tears from his eyes and looks up at me,
"This is stupid... all of this is useless!"
He stands up,
"What is?" I questioned, He wipes the blood from his causing it to smear all over his face. I go to help him wipe the blood off his face and he grabs my hand. "This fighting... im sorry... you dont pick arguments all the time but you do fuel them and you gotta stop that shit man. I love you and I also dont wanna fight. Im sorry that you feel like you cant trust me in this relationship Jon but I really do love you and I dont be telling a bunch of people that. If I ever even had to opertunity to be with Wes I wouldn't choose him, I'd always choose you and im sorry that people did you so wrong in the past but im not like that ok?" He let's go of my hand and cleans the rest of the blood off. I just stare at my feet. "Also im sorry I called you fat..." "Its fine..." "Its not. Im being a dick and you got other things on your plate and-" I stop Fred to hug him. "Its truly fine Fred. Let's just call this a dumb argument and go on." He nods his head and hugs me tighter.

Im sitting on Amber's bedroom floor, why? I dont understand. That's when I spotted something on the floor under the bed, a paper of some sort. I reach under and grab it and begin to read it out loud to myself,

"To anyone who reads this, most likely its Jonathan though. Im sorry. Im sorry that I left like this and im sorry for what's coming to you next. I cant tell you what that is exactly but I did it for the better of my life. And for nights iv cried for this day to come and I fear for you Jon I really do, and I wanna tell you that I didn't do this because I hate you, but because I had to choose myself first. I loved you like a brother and you will probably never talk to me ever again after all this and I deserve it. You were the best friend iv ever had Jon. I mean that. -Amber"

I look under the bed to see if there was anymore to the letter, nothing. Im sitting here on the floor in shambles.

What... the... fuck?"

Chapter Text

Fred begins to kiss my neck and then lay his head on my shoulder,
"Cmon baby I want you so bad."
"Fred seriously not now, im sorry... i just need to think..."
"Couldn't you think while I fuck you?"
I laugh, "sure... you think that that would help me think? Have you met me?"
Fred slides his hand to my waist and rests it there,
"Well stressing about it right now doesnt help solve the problem."
Fred begins to kiss my neck again, then biting and sucking, back and forth.
"I just dont understand what Amber could mean with the letter. What~"
I feel Fred's hand slip under the elastic on my pants, down my underwear.
"We can ask everyone else about it later."
"Mmm- I cant ask them they wouldn't know~" I moan.
I could feel Fred's hand stroke me slowly.
"Well," He says with that hot raspy voice of his "you dont know that baby."
He begins to stroke faster,
"Mmm yeah..." i groan.
"For now, let's not worry about it ok?" He says biting my neck again.
"Fuck- you're right- ahhh~" I say as I pull my pants down for him,

"But its hard to not think about."
Fred pulls his pants down then grinds into me,
"Really it is."
I feel Fred's hand on my ass cheek pulling it open so he could-
"Fuck~" I moan, "I cant turn my thoughts off its not like a light switch."
"Yeah but i am and im turned on so stop talking."
I feel fred inside me, he thrusts slowly. I tried to enjoy it but it was hard to because all my thoughts just kept growing. And I think Fred noticed because he had stopped. "Are you even turned on?" He questioned, "Im sorry Fred..." "Its fine, im sorry..." He said stopping and pulling his pants on. "Fuck, no im sorry Fred- I want to! I really want to but- im really worried about this..."
"Why though? I mean Amber could have said that because she wanted to get a rise out of you. What if she didnt even write the note? Maybe Wes did."
"No no she wrote it. I know her hand writing."
"Well maybe he told her to write it then." I pull my pants on.
"I think im gonna get a burner phone and try messaging her."
"Jon don't. You dont need to know! Shes playing mind games! Shes making you go crazy."
"Fred im already crazy the fuck does you even mean?" Fred gets up from the bed pulling a cigarette out on his pocket.
"Since when did you smoke?" I questioned.
"Since I dont know, since I was around fucking adult who makes his own decisions."
I roll my eyes, "whatever off topic... im worried... the only thing I could think of is maybe my father and his wife is in this little scheme..."
Fred begins to dig in the dresser for a lighter, "Well why would they be involved?"
"I dont know... something religion related?"
"Eh maybe... like a cult." Laughed Fred, I scoot to the edge of the bed and ponder.
"You know, thats something I should look into..."

Fred rolled his eyes and scoffed,
"I was joking you know?"
"Yeah yeah but that shit really does happen. My parents are religious and my dad is a priest so I wouldn't doubt it!"
I scooted to the edge of the bed and looked up at Fred above me.
"Wish I could see you at this angle sucking on my dick."
I scowled and Fred laughed.
"Jeez, sorry..."
"Fred are you even taking any of this seriously?"
"Why should i? It doesnt concern me at all in the slightest I still think its because Wes is a peice of shit."
"Yeah but maybe I'd fuck you if you took me seriously but apparently im a joke and this situation is to."
I sat up from the bed and fred grabbed my hand.
"Ok sorry... i mean do what you think is right Jon but dont get hurt trying to figure this out. Sometimes things happen for a reason..."

Im sitting with Munky and Head in the living room having a beer.

"When do you need the money?" Asked Head.
"When ever you can borrow me it, I wanna get the phone soon."
"Hey jon" said Munky, "you know i could just get the phone for you and you wouldn't have to pay me back."
"Really? No you dont have to do that."

"Yeah but I wanna know why too plus, you are my friend."
"Thank you Munk."
"No problem my friend." Said Munky with a Smile.

That night we had gotten a burner. Me and munky didnt even wait till we got home, we put in Amber's number and tried to call it, no answer. SO we called again and again, no answer. On the 3rd call finally,
"Hello?"
It was Amber!
"Please Amber dont hang up! I said jumping up from the bench looking at Munky in a shocked look.
"Jon how the fuck did you?-" "Amber what the fuck is going on?!"
"Jon im sorry I cant say anything or you are gonna get both of us hurt or killed please! You read the letter, thats all I can say."
"Wait Amber!" The call then ended abruptly.
"FUCK AMBER HELLO?!" Munky stood up and grabbed the phone from me and said,
"Amber?! What did she say?!"
"Fuck Munky this has to be a Cult! This has to be something!"
"Hey dont freak out ok? Maybe we should have head try and talk to her? Or Fred?"
"Yeah... good idea... let's go back to the house..." Munky turned the phone off and handed it to me then patted my back,
"Were gonna figure this shit out."