Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

He emptied a bottle, then two, then he grabbed a feather and papers, threw up his desperation on them.

He couldn’t cry, he didn’t think he had ever been able to, be he wished he could. He wished he was this pathetic.

The words were blurry, and the feather clammy, and his fingers tainted with ink, but he couldn’t stop, couldn’t stop as if writing it all down would ease the wrenching of his heart.

Oh! tormentor of my heart, why have you never returned. He drank half another bottle, then stumbled to his bed. The flowers that stuffed the mattress didn’t smell like anyone he wanted to smell.

When he woke up, a headache awaited him by the couch. His mother smiled at him when he grabbed a shirt in the closet and the half full cup he had forgot on the shelf.

"If you have no good news to bring up to me, then you should leave," Cardan said, struggling with his garments and his hangover.

"You should have servants to help you. You are the King," she said, her tail twisting in what Cardan interpreted as threatening. Maybe Balekin had instilled more fear in him than Cardan had thought. Cardan graced her with a royal grunt.

He sat on the chair next to the couch, the half empty bottle of wine already in his hands. His own tail twisted with nervousness, which his mother noticed.

"Queen Nicasia had demanded an audience."

Cardan put his cup on the low table. There was ink stains on it. Strange since he didn’t remember they were here yesterday.

"The Grand General wanted to accept but I had to turn her away. She was so disrespectful," his mother went on.

Cardan searched din his foggy mind when he could have stain his furniture. It lightened up in his mind.

"Where is it?" Cardan said.

"What are you talking about?" She asked.

"I wrote a letter, last night. I let it here before going to sleep. Where is it?"

His mother blinked.

"There is no letter here," she said eventually.

"I have noticed that," Cardan smirked. He was showing his mean smile; he knew it, but he hoped his intuition was wrong.

"Are you sure you have let it here?" She asked innocently.

"I am certain." She was trying to work her way around the issue, Cardan could feel it.

"Someone might have come and taken it then," she tried to brush it away.

"I told you to protect yourself better; your guard is—"

She cut herself when she understood Cardan didn’t listen to her. He had stood up, and was interrogating the guard at the door.

"You’re the only one allowed to come in unprompted," he said, showing his teeth.

His tail swung with unveiled anger. She noticed, of course.

"She had made sure there was no secret passageway," Cardan added when his mother opened her mouth.

Lady Asha was cornered, and as with any cornered creature, she became aggressive.

"She wasn’t good enough for you! A mortal girl? You’re the High King of Faerie! And to say she dared use you—"

"Do you remember who have freed you from the Tower of Forgetting? And as a King, who I spend my time with is nothing you need to care about," he said, trying to stay calm.

"You were her puppet," she spat. "She didn’t love you; she only cared about your status."

"Oh! And you, my dear mother, do you love me for myself?"

The anger he had managed to mute boiled again. His tail swung, and he gritted his teeth. "Or she didn’t think about it. Or she didn’t dare because she thought I was tricking her. She’s your daughter! You’re not telling me I am the only one who's missed her?"

Madoc frowned, obviously frustrated. "If you’ve missed her, Your Majesty, then why haven’t you gone fetch her already?"

Cardan clenched his jaw. Why hadn’t he, he was wondering too. Madoc’s yellow eyes gauged him from above. He still wore armor, even if the Undersea had surrendered a week ago. It was only him and Cardan now; Madoc had gotten rid of the Living Council and only took advice from his own men.

Cardan opened his mouth to tell the clever answer he had found, but Madoc turned around to speak with an officer, not bothering to include him in the conversation.

Jude’s absence burnt as much as the frustration of being left out. He grabbed a bottle of wine on the strategy table and poured himself a drink.

"You’ve finally gotten rid of your mother, Your Majesty?" Madoc said, sounding happy.

"She became too confident," he grunted in his cup.

"It was about time. Maybe it’ll help you grow up."

Cardan scowled at him, but Madoc dismissed him with a wave. Brambles grew on the walls, and Cardan smirked so hard his cheeks ached.

"I heard the Queen of the Undersea wanted to see me," he said.

"She’s in the throne room," Madoc said, without even looking at him, busy with a conversation with the officer.

Cardan downed his cup and went, fuming.

Nicasia was pacing, equally mad. When she noticed him, she scowled at him with hurt and betrayal. The gust of shame put a smile on his lips and forced confidence he had not.

"Nicasia," he said, as if they were still friends. "What’s the matter, darling?"

He went straight to the wine. He had made sure there were full bottle scattered in the Palace for him.

"I’m not your darling," she spat. "I am nothing to you."

Cardan winced internally but kept smiling.

"I’m sorry," he said, his tone too genuine. Nicasia blinked. Cardan froze. He had come up so naturally, he hadn’t excepted it.

"You’re sorry?" Nicasia said, hurt. "You’re sorry for what? Provoking my mother’s death?"

Cardan’s grip on his cup tightened. He held it like a shield between him and Nicasia’s wrath.

"Your mother was the one declaring us war," he said blankly.

"We could have found an arrangement! You seemed so convincing when you rose the isle from the sea!"

"I—" the truth was, Madoc had not told him about the assassination plan. Probably because he knew Cardan would have vetoed it. But Cardan hadn’t been so severe when he had discovered it. Not as severe as with Jude. But he had thought she would return eventually. Nicasia’s glare was unbearable, especially when was not drunk.

"You couldn’t hold Madoc’s back, that’s it? So you let him murder my mother!"

"I didn’t know what he was about to do!" Cardan said, because it was unfair. "And I couldn’t punish him without turning the army against me! Which would be unfortunate during a war."

"I hate you, Cardan! I fucking hate you!"

Cardan’s heart pinched painfully. "Why have you come here, Nicasia?" He said it softly. He took a step toward her. She didn’t step back.

"I thought we were… something," Nicasia said. He hated how her voice broke. "I thought we could have become… more."

Cardan sighed, the weight in his chest heaving. "I am sorry. I didn’t want this."

She composed herself again and spoke firmly. 

"I came here to demand consequences. We have ceased the fights, but there will be no peace until the culprit is punished."

Cardan smiled genuinely. "Don’t worry, old friend. I promise you actions will be taken."

Nicasia gave him a sharp nod. "Will we attend to this matter with the rest of the delegation later tonight?"

Cardan winced. "I have matters to attend to in the mortal world first."

Nicasia’s eyes widened. "Has she finally answered your letters?"

"She had never received them; my mother intercepted them and burnt them."

"Oh," Nicasia said. "I hope you've dealt with Lady Asha accordingly."

Cardan shrugged. "She won’t be a nuisance anymore."

Nicasia smirked. "Fucking finally."

Cardan extended a hand, and squeezed Nicasia’s shoulder before she could retract herself. Somehow, she didn’t pull him away. "I don’t know when I’ll come back, but your mother’s murder will be my priority right after."

Nicasia seemed to accept this. She gave him once again a sharp nod, and pulled  delicately his hand down. She kept it in hers more time than necessary, squeezing. Then she left without a glance back.

"She’s been living here with her sister, her sister’s lover and her brother for the past eighteen months," the Ghost said.

Cardan looked at the nondescript cube. It was huge and covered with well-ordered windows.

"Well, at least she found herself a new Palace," Cardan joked to ease his nervousness.

The Roach made a skeptical hum. "It’s several small apartments stacked upon each other," he said.

"Hardly a Palace then," the Bomb said.

Cardan winced. "Let’s get in," he said.

"Wait," the Roach said. Then remembering who Cardan was, "Your Majesty."

"What?" Cardan asked.

"There might have been some… developments," he said hesitantly.

"Maybe we could convene of a meeting in a neutral space," the Bomb suggested.

"Nonsense," Cardan waved it off. "Let’s get in. It’s just a talk."

He was too eager to see her again to postpone again. He had waited a year and a half. He couldn’t survive a day more, and if it meant Jude would kill him as soon as she opened the door, then at least he would have seen her stunning gaze again.

He almost ran in the stair when a neighbor walked out the building. During the anticipatory minutes after he knocked, he could feel his heart thrumming up in his throat.

Oak opened the door. He stared at him bewildered.

"Hello young prince," Cardan said. "Do you remember me?"

Oak nodded. "Jude has a drawing of you she uses as a target for her throwing knives," the child said. Cardan recalled that fateful night when she had him tied tight at a chair. He could almost feel the bite of her knife on his sensitive throat. He didn’t know if the shiver that traveled down his spine was of excitation or fear, but that feeling was so familiar and missed he would have wept if he could.

"Where is she?" He asked.

"Oak, who is it?" A familiar voice said at the end of the corridor.

Cardan looked up to caught a glimpse of her. When she come in sight, her busy face crumpled into shock. Oh! she hadn’t change so much. She still had this round face and hard brown eyes, her long hair loosed past her squared up shoulder. He could almost feel her downy skin under his finger, and her uncharacteristic smell. Her waist had thicken since he had last seen her, and he wondered if it was firm or soft. He was delighted that there was more of her, that she was even more round and human. The skinny faes he used to take in his bed hadn’t satisfy him very much lately.

Her face was only hard lines and venomous scowls. I fucking hate you, Nicasia said in his mind. Cardan took a deep breath and tried to stop his tail from twitching and flapping. She stomped toward them, grabbed her brother by the collar of his shirt, and protectively put him behind herself.

Cardan frowned at that. "What are—"

"What are you doing here?" She spat between gritted teeth. She kept herself from yelling, but something in her eyes told him she wasn’t only mad.

She sneered.

"It has come to my knowledge that you have never received my letters," he said with all the calm he could muster.

"What letters?" She stood her ground, but Cardan didn’t miss the faint frown that had appeared between her eyebrows. So he had caught her attention.

"The letters I’ve tried to send you since the first month you left," he said. "The letters my mother had intercepted and burnt."

"And what were those letters saying?" She asked with a hint of bewilderment.

"That I wish you’d be back and other sentimental lamentations," Cardan said, hiding his embarrassment with a smile.

"Are you kidding me?" Jude said harshly. The high pitch of her voice sounded pained and Cardan would have reached out to her, if she hadn’t flinched away.

"I can’t lie," he reminded her.

He saw her swallowing the news. Cardan waited her out, but when she looked up at him again, he was met with distraught and pain.

"Get out, Cardan," she said.

His heartbeat spiked up. He couldn’t lose her again; he couldn’t— "Please Jude—" 

"Get the fuck away from me!" She almost yelled. Cardan frowned, because she didn’t look mad. No, she was scared. That revelation terrified him. What could  Jude be scared of so much?

"You are afraid of som— of me?"

To see Jude’s murderous look was enough for Cardan had guessed right. She had crossed her arms protectively on her chest and toyed with the tip of her amputated finger.

"Why would you be scared of m—"

A baby started crying behind her. Jude’s eyes widened, sheer horror drawing on her face. Then it only meant this child was—

"Get out!" She screamed. She didn’t bother keeping her cool anymore. 

"Jude I—" I am a father? I am sorry? She shoved him away. Cardan blinked to see her nose to nose with him. She grabbed his collar, pure rage emanating from her. He felt the sharp edge of a knife on the flesh of his throat.

"Get out," she seethed. "Get out, Cardan, and if I ever see you again near me or anyone I love, I’ll kill you. Whatever it takes."

She made to push him away, probably down the stairs, but Cardan caught her by the wrist. She struggled, but he held firm, the absolute terror on her face unbearable.

"Jude please—"

"Let me go," she breathed out.

"—listen to me, please !"

"Let me go!" She screamed. Behind her, the baby kept wailing.

Cardan looked around, suddenly aware they might be walked on by a mortal at any moment. And they had been. Three humans stood in the stairs, glamoured, probably by one the spies.

"Come on Jude! I’m not going to hurt you!"

She kicked him in the knee. The sudden shock and pain loosened his grip, and she freed herself long enough to slam the door on his face.

Cardan banged at the door, begging for her to open, the desperation taking over as his heart shattered, as she didn’t answer. He ended on his knees, repeatedly calling her name like some madman. Until a hand on his shoulder startled him. The Ghost’s face was thankfully blank.

"Your Majesty, we should leave."

"We have glamoured everyone in the building," the Roach added. "Hopefully none has had the time to call the mortal authorities."

"That’s the development you were talking about?" Cardan snarled while helping himself on his feet. "I have a baby?"

"Let’s get out," the Bomb said, glancing at Jude’s door. She leaded him to the stair. Cardan stared back at the obnoxious grey door, hoping it would open against all odds, hoping Jude could see through and saw him, wishing he had made things differently.

The silence heaved on them as the marine breeze blew their curls. Cardan needed a drink.

"Do you want to go eat somewhere?" The Roach asked. "I know a place we can find delicious mortal food."

Cardan shrugged and dismissed them with a wave. Yet they hesitated to let their king roaming alone in the mortal realm.

"Go," he snapped. "I’d prefer to be alone."

His tone let no room for discussion, and so they left in one direction and Cardan to the opposite.

He tried to make sense of what could have driven Jude to be scared of him that much; would she really think he could hurt her? The embarrassing truth came to him: he had indeed hurt her already. But still. She didn’t have to keep the baby from him. He could have helped her, in whatever way she needed, to raise them. Just because he was a difficult child didn’t mean he couldn’t try. The terror he had seen in her eyes hurt more than he would admit. What could have inspired it? He couldn’t comprehend; it wasn’t like he would come and kill her for hiding his child away; he wasn’t her father, after all. Or— did her mistrust run that deep?

He needed to talk to her. To set things down. If this child were his, then he would step in their life he surely wouldn’t be a distant figure like his own father had been. If they weren’t, which was a possibility considering how much time had passed, well, Cardan still needed to dissipate this miscommunication.

Since there was little chance she would open him again, he did the only thing he could do: sit before the glass door of the building and waited for her to come out.

In the end, it was Vivienne and her lover who found him, curled up in a ball and staring at the stairs behind the door. He must have looked pathetic.

"Cardan?" Vivi said, surprised.

"It’s your sister’s —" Heather asked privately. Vivienne must have answered to her mutely, because she said then with anger, "What are you doing here?"

Cardan hadn’t stirred from his position. "I need to talk with Jude."

"She doesn’t want to see you."

"She told me so." Cardan sighed.

"Wait, you’ve come in?" She sounded worried.

Cardan looked up to see she was, indeed, worried. Her lover seemed scared to death, but Vivienne only glared at Cardan.

"Please," Cardan said, his voice a witness to his exhaustion. "At least tell whether they’re mine or not."

"Fuck you, Cardan," Vivienne snarled. "You have no right over that child after what you did to Jude."

Cardan nodded, numbness creeping into his bones. "I guess," he said, looking back at the door. "It was a misunderstanding."

"A misunderstanding? A misunderstanding?" Vivienne snapped. "She didn’t understand well when you told her she was banished? It was a conception of her mind when she said you would kill her if she ever came back?"

Cardan looked up at her fury, her yellow eyes so much like Madoc when she looked down at him like that. "I tell her she couldn’t come back until she obtained the forgiveness of the crown. Since we got married the night before, I thought she would use her status as queen to forgive herself when the matter with the Undersea was settled."

"And why haven’t you written her to tell her then?"

Cardan felt his anger gnarling at his tiredness. His tail whipped the air behind him and he set his jaw as he told for the umpteenth time of the day about his mother.

"I guess Jude’s presence overshadowed her. And then Madoc provoked the war and I thought Jude was scheming in the shadow to help us and regain her rightful position with stronger claim to the throne. And now, well."

Now we probably have a baby and she thinks I’m going to kill her.

"I’m not a killer," Cardan said. "And I’m not going to become one. I don’t want to hurt her or the baby just. Explaining her this myself. Make things right, if she allow me."

Vivienne still glared at him, but now her gaze was laced with doubt. She knew better than anyone that Faes couldn’t lie.

"Let me fetch her," she said. Cardan could have kissed her shoes.

She and Heather stepped over him to open the door. Cardan jumped on his feet, but before he could follow them, Vivienne told him to stay here. So he stayed, pacing for what like felt like eternity.

Eventually, he heard the door opening and Jude coming out, an angry frown mixed with anguish on her lovely face. She held a large knife, and Cardan had no doubt she hid more in her clothing. She kept the door open with one feet.

"My sister told me you wanted to talk to me?"

"Maybe we could go for a walk?"

"No," she said. Alright. His tail twitched with nervousness and he felt himself smiling.

She crossed her arms on her chest, the knife poking out like a stinger. "What’s this tale about forgiving myself Vivi told?"

"Well," Cardan said. "You need the pardon of the Crown to come back. Alas, the pardon of the King. Or, of the Queen."

She blushed as she understood the strategy. "I thought it would impress you," Cardan added, feeling strangely stupid. She glared at him. Her venomous gaze didn’t help to make him smarter.

She looked at him like she couldn’t believe a word he was saying. Which was ridiculous since he was a fae. She huffed in delusion. 

"I thought you would appreciate that I could scheme at last," he chuckled.

Jude slapped him in the face. Cardan instinctively put his hand on the burning sting. Now he was the bewildered one.

"Are you— Are you fucking kidding me?" Jude cried out. "Are you fucking kidding me Cardan? Is it another of your stupid trick to trick me back in Elfhame and get rid of me? You’re scared I’ll try to take your th— You want revenge for trying to hide your baby away from you?"

Cardan blinked. Jude stood, her fists clenched, shaking from head to toe - in fear or anger Cardan didn’t know. Now was the time he needed to talk the most, but speech elude him. He vaguely shook a ‘no’.

"No, Jude I— I’ve just missed you. I didn’t even know we have— I've learned today about the child, I— Are they mine?"

Jude grimaced, sending him a darted scowl.  

"I am sorry, for not coming to you sooner. I am sorry, for laughing at you and for every act of cruelty I ever did to you. I want nothing but your return, Jude." There was a tremor in his voice when he said the last two words. She was listening, so he carried on. "When you left, I thought you’d be back in a month at most, until Orlagh had calmed down. But when you didn’t, when my letters remained unanswered, I began to fear. I thought you have found something better here, something you’d yearn for as a human and that I’d never be able to give you. Then Madoc had taken more and more space in the ruling of Elfhame, and I thought you were just scheming, away from me to punish me. And it worked. I have no heart but a rotten piece of flesh, and you took it with you. No amount of wine or pleasure could fill the hollow you left. Ruling became pointless. Merriment became pointless. Living, became pointless."

She avoided his gaze, her face a telltale of the hard repression she imposed on her feelings. He stood there, waiting for— something, anything. Rejection, more likely. But he had the tiniest hope she would allow him to— allow him something. To tell him about the baby. To let him draw the shape of her ear with his finger. To hear a single word from her.

"Let’s go for a walk," she said eventually. Cardan tried not to let his tail flap eagerly. She led the way, bringing him along a grey path lined with artificial mortal lights. The aftertaste of iron was in every breath Cardan took, the air buzzing with scents he had never smelt. They walked in silence, Jude deep in her thought and Cardan trying to find what to say.

"How is it now?" She asked first.

Cardan quirked an eyebrow.

"Elfhame, I mean," she added. "How much has it changed?"

"Your father has been ruling more than me lately," he said. She frowned her scheming frown. Cardan went on.

"The conflict with the Undersea has escalated. We went to war against them, and we won last week."

"Last week?" Jude said. "And you come take a break in the mortal world while Madoc reviews the troops, assesses the damages and arranges peace with Orlagh?"

"Of course not!" Cardan huffed. He felt insulted that she thought he was this incompetent. "The damages have already been assessed, and I don’t know how to assess the troops, but Madoc sure cannot arrange peace with Orlagh."

"Why so?" Jude asked. Cardan smirked, delighted to share this "secret" with her.

"Because he has assassinated her," he said, conspiratorially. "Nicasia is furious. She waits on me to discuss the peace."

Jude seemed impressed by the Grand General’s audacity. "Let me guess; she wants my father’s head."

"She wants consequences," Cardan said.

When she looked back at him, Cardan hopped on the thought that his scheming, intriguing warrior Queen was back. He grinned, hard enough that he felt a soreness in his cheeks.

"Well, I guess you have a lot to work on," Jude said. "You should go back and sort it out."

"It would be easier with a strategist at my side," Cardan said, not allowing the wrenching panic to settle.

"Elfhame doesn’t lack strategists. I know Grima Mog, the former general of the Court of Teeth. I can give you her address."

Cardan didn’t linger on how Jude had Grima-Mog-the-bloodthirsty-butcher’s address, Jude and her were two of a kind after all. "I don’t want Grima Mog, I want you."

"I know that, as a Prince and King of Elfhame you’ve probably never been told that," Jude said, "but one doesn’t always have what they want."

"Jude please," Cardan sighed. He wanted to sound exasperated, but he only managed to sound desperate, which was truer to what he felt. Well, appearance didn’t matter to him anymore.

"I’ll do anything for you!" He cried out. "You want to control me again? You want to throw me in the deepest cell of the Tower of Forgetting? Anything! I can stay in the mortal world if you’d prefer Just— I need you."

He almost threw himself at her knees, but she kept him up. He grabbed her shoulder, he wanted to feel her, to not let her vanish again. Their eyes were only inches away from each other.

"Please, Jude," he whispered to her hazelnut irises. "I love you too much."

He waited a beat, before she pushed him away.

"Neither option are safe. If I go back to Elfhame she’ll be at risk of assassination, and if you stay here, it’ll be known and my whole family will be endangered. I can’t Cardan, I—"

She looked back at him, her face softened as Cardan has rarely seen it. She put her hand on his cheek, the contact warm, comforting. Cardan leaned into it like starved cat. It calmed him down immediately.

"I can make Elfhame a safer place for you and the child," he whispered. "I can get rid of Madoc and make peace with the Undersea. I can—" he put his hand on her shoulder, gentler than before. "I can protect you."

He expected her to laugh at his face, recalling his inappetance at fighting and his distaste at killing. She only caress his cheekbone with her thumb.

"Do it then," she whispered. Cardan stepped closer, until their breath intertwined.

"I’ve missed you too," she said.

When she put her lips on his, he felt like breathing again.

Chapter Text

"Can I see them?" Cardan asked when they’d returned to the building’s glass door. There was a childish trepidation in him, but also the fear Jude wouldn’t trust him with her child. Indeed, she hesitated, a worried frown creased her beautiful face.

"She’s asleep," Jude eventually said.

"I’ll be quiet as a cat," Cardan said, almost begging.

Jude gauged him, worrying the tip of her amputated finger.

"Jude, I promise you I won’t wake her up, I won’t try to take her away, I won’t touch her without your authorization." Now Cardan was truly begging. Jude sighed.

"Alright. You can come in, but if anything happens to her-" she grabbed him by the collar, which sent a surge of desire inside Cardan, "and I mean anything! I’ll kill you."

Cardan nodded, hoping it came out as serious as he was. "I won’t hurt her," he promised.

For the second time this evening, Cardan climbed up the mortal stairs, which smelt like nothing he had ever smelt. Jude’s home had a narrow corridor, leading to a small room that was used as a kitchen and a dining room. The automatic light cast its cold rays on a counter full of empty mugs, faded pot plants and papers. There was a sort of metallic wardrobe with pictures of Jude’s family, Oak’s drawings and paperwork stuck on it. On one of the counter's wooden pillars, the infamous drawing, full of holes. It represented Cardan from head to toe, unflatteringly grimacing with horrendous dark clothing and a bottle in one hand. He passed his tongue on his teeth, which were, as he had presumed his whole life, neither sharp nor protuberant from his mouth.

At the table before them, Vivienne jumped to her feet at his sight, and Hearther noticeably tensed, her eyes widening with fear. This was ridiculous. Cardan wasn't a threat, and if he were, Jude wouldn't have let him in. It became even more ridiculous when Vivienne grabbed a knife, Vivienne who was, last time he had heard about her, worse than him at fighting. Which meant a lot.

Cardan extended two peaceful hands toward her.

"Why have you come up?" she snarled.

"I let him," Jude said. She sounded exhausted. It hit Cardan that mortals usually slept at night, and that he must have kept Jude awake for longer than she intended to.

"I just want to see her," he said. For some reason, it became  extremely important to him to make Jude's sister understand that he meant no harm. He had already explained to her that this mess was a misunderstanding, yet she remained wary. Of course, she must have expected Jude to kick him out of her life, but then he recalled how Jude had reacted when the baby had started crying.

"I have no intention on hurting any of you," Cardan told Vivienne again. "I just want to see her, then I'll go deal with some issues at Elfhame and then-" he eyed Jude tentatively, but her face remained of stone. "Then you might come back."

"What makes you think we'll ever want to come back?" Vivienne said. Cardan winced, but before he could say anything, Jude replied.

"Cardan and I made a deal. I show him Alice, he goes back to Elfhame to deal with the issues there, and when everything's safe, he and I will discuss the possibility of a return.”

Alice. Jude had named her Alice, like the character in the book they had both read. Cardan loved her already.

Vivienne looked at her sister like she had gone mad. "Elfhame will never be safe," she said. "You think the Folks will ever treat a mortal good?"

"Maybe they'll treat their Queen right," Cardan intervened. Vivi glared at him.

"Jude, don't set your hope too high."

If Jude's stare could kill, Vivienne would be dead. She crossed her arms on her chest. Something fluttered inside Cardan's chest. So Jude wanted to come back.

"Cardan come," Jude said curtly. Cardan bit his tongue to not make a debauched joke. He doubted it would be well received. His tail hit the walls of the narrow corridor as it eagerly flapped.

They stopped at the last door, and Jude looked back at him, a finger on her mouth to order him to stay silent.

Inside, it was like the whole world had hushed. A crib surrounded by a cage made of tissue throned in the middle of the room, crowned by the rays of automatic yellow light. Jude closed the door behind her with great care.

The light quieted. Cardan looked at Jude’s grayish face, waiting on her. After a minute, she became wary. Her eyes travelled back and forth, and she extended a hand before her. When she touched Cardan, she startled. His memory of Jude was of such a strong, unalterable person, he had almost forgotten her weaknesses.

He put the pad of his finger on her elbow. Since she didn’t push him away, he grabbed her, and gently led her in the dark. She let him, her arms crossed on her chest.

He set her hand on the edge of the crib. She looked back at him. Her sight must have accustomed to the dim room. The way her eyes gazed up at him, the full shape of her mouth, they all contribute to the swelling of Cardan’s heart.

"Have you come here to look at me, thinking I wouldn’t notice?" She whispered. Cardan couldn’t stop his smile.

"You’re beautiful," he said. She looked away. Cardan could almost see her blush.

"We won’t stand there forever," she said, not as harsh as Cardan had expected. "Do you want to see your daughter or not?"

His daughter. She had said it. His daughter. He couldn’t believe he had a daughter. He looked down at the little shape inside the crib, and indeed, there was no way this beautiful little girl wasn’t his. She was curled on herself, a tail curved between her small legs, hugging her. She mouthed at the dark tuff at the edge. She had dark hair, and sharp pointy ears, rather short compared to other folks. She wore a pajama with stripped sleeves and pants, and an image Cardan couldn’t decipher on the chest.

He swallowed, as if it could relieve him from the emotional overload that overtook his body. Now he wanted to cry again, for whole other reasons. He extended a hand toward her smaller body, his palm almost touching her but restricted by magic. It was the size of her tummy. He looked back at Jude to mutely ask for permission, but she barely saw him.

"Can I touch her?" He whispered.

"No, you’ll wake her up."

He tried to repress the pinching of his heart, grateful that he could know her and see her at all.

"She’s teething," Jude provided. "She’s trouble to sleep."

Cardan smiled at the unprompted information. When he looked at Jude, she definitely was blushing.

She accompanied him outside. The night was fresh, but not devoid of this ever present aftertaste of iron and whatever smoke escaped their travels means. The sky was orange due to the mortal lights, and only its brightest stars could be seen. Cardan didn’t dislike it. There was less opportunity to uncover crushing prophecies.

He looked back at her. She tried to appear strong-will and hard as stone despite her exhaustion, but something vulnerable danced on her face.

They gazed at each other.

"You should go, Cardan," she said, softer than she had probably intended.

He pressed her hand, she allowed it for a brief moment.

"You should go," she repeated, casting her eyes down.

"See you soon, my darling," Cardan said.

I’m not your darling!

"You better," Jude said, more vindictive than before, challenging him.

Cardan stepped toward her, and took her chin between his thumb and forefinger, as delicately as he could.

"The soonest possible," he whispered on her lips. She leaned forward, throwing herself in his arms, circling his neck with hers. Their lips crashed on each other’s, melted into stormy waves, their tongues flowing like and undertow. Pleasure mixed with urgency struck them like lighting, their body attracted to each other’s magnetically, their nails digging into each other as if letting go would lead them to a deadly fall.

They had to part, eventually. When they did, Jude didn’t unclench from his jacket. She looked up at him, her frown so familiar, Cardan’s heart made something funny in his chest and leaned down to kiss her again. Jude stopped him with fingers on his lips. He kissed them instead, but Jude stepped back.

She slapped him in the face again.

Her lips were swollen and red.

Cardan held his hurting cheek, frowning at her. She crossed her arms on her chest.

"Until you prove to me, you’re genuine and acted the changes that are necessary in Elfhame, I’m still angry with you."

Cardan nodded, and grinned.

"Why are you happy?" Jude asked.

"You won’t be angry at me for long."

Jude blushed. Looked at his lips. Rolled her eyes. "Go now, Cardan."

This time, Cardan went.

Nicasia was still awaiting in the throne room when he came back, standing at the edge of the ongoing party, recluses with the Seafolks who had gone with her.

For anyone here, she looked nothing but angry, scowling without seeing at the dancing crowd, gripping a glass in his hand without drinking any of its beverage.

To Cardan, who had known her for years, she looked nothing but sorrowful, hiding her deep-running pain under the cover of rage, showing her teeth rather than her tears. Maybe Cardan has a type, because she looked so much like Jude.

He couldn’t lurk in the shadow and discreetly go to her. His arrival was proclaimed and everyone bowed as he walked through the crowd. Sometimes, he wished he could disappear, but tonight  was filled with promises and sharp, broken fragments he needed to stitch together, so Cardan didn’t allow the darkness in his heart to spread.

Instead, he sat on his throne, not sparing a glance to Madoc, who had obviously something to say. He had eyes only for the new Queen of the Undersea, whose pain he felt almost like his own.

He gave her his most regal, insufferable smile, the kind they had shared through the mischiefs of their youth.

"I see an important guest had emerged on our shores!" His subjects turned away from the party, curious and excited about the unexpected entertainment.

Nicasia glared at him. He carried on.

"What brought you in my mound, Nicasia?"

She parted from her group to march toward the dais. "You know what's bringing me, Cardan." She didn't bow. "My mother has been assassinated by your kind. You promised me consequences!"

Cardan refrained himself from grimacing. He had expected this meeting to go smoothly, Madoc's punishment coming as a natural consequence of his brutalities and not some sort of deal Cardan would have made with Nicasia. He had wished to prove to everyone he could hold his ground against some mad foreign delegations.

"His Majesty conspired with Elfhame’s enemies?" Madoc asked, and Cardan wanted to rip that sufficient face off. It did spark outrage.

Cardan smiled at Madoc, a smirk full of violence and meanness. It had the wanted effect of destabilizing their audience and maybe the old man himself, if his little frown meant anything, while giving Cardan an instant of thinking.

"Saying that I conspire with Elfhame’s enemies is an interesting take," he said, saccharine. "Shall I recall you how you conspired against my family, shall I recall you how you’ve tried to usurp the throne?"

Madoc huffed. "You’ve—"

"And shall I—" Cardan cut him. "—recall you to whom the crown belong? I’ve been lenient with you, Madoc. Maybe too much."

The Grand General glared. Cardan could see him thinking of counter-attacks and analyzing his options. Cardan didn’t let him speak, knowing well his experience and popularity among the folk would disadvantage him.

"Did you sincerely think I would be delighted to learn you took the liberty to murder someone in my name? You could have at least ask me first." Cardan faked a casual tone, and an amused smile, as if the general had made something silly, a childish mistake. It had the wanted effect to unnerve him.

"Someone had to take the necessary actions to win this war, your Majesty," Madoc said. Clever. 

"You’re right. I did have raised an island from the sea, but I guess you didn’t want to reiterate this exploit. Maybe it’s my mistake," Cardan added airily. "I should have figured out by myself where you held the strategy meetings, since the war room remained almost always empty when I came."

Madoc sensed the danger under the lightness of Cardan’s voice. The surrounding folks, Nicasia particularly, realized eventually what this war had been about. Madoc opened his mouth again, but Cardan shut him with a gesture of a hand. 

"Nothing can quench your ambition, isn’t it?" He said, his smile contrasting with the gravity of his words. "You thought you could rise above your King without consequences, like you have murdered my family. Use me, as if I were to every command? Or rather," Cardan pretended to think, "discard me like a useless formal garment. Well, I am sorry to disappoint you, but I have greater responsibilities that I need to attend to, whatever how high you think of yourself."

Madoc looked rightfully furious, but hopefully chastised. Cardan rose on his feet, declaring to the whole assembly:

"The war with the Undersea, waged by ambition and misplaced trusts, has drained both of us," he glanced at Nicasia who gave him a sharp nod. "Thirsts pf violence had been quenched and lots of Folks’ blood had been spilled. Tonight, we are to sign peace and give everyone what they deserve. May Elfhame become a safer place for all of our merriment."

He urged Nicasia to come closer, which she did, reluctantly. "Madoc, Grand General of the High Court, you have served us well, but your ambition and disrespect toward your rulers has caused great grief and cannot be ignored anymore."

She wants my father’s head. Jude hadn't said she wanted her father dead. She had said she wanted a safer place for her child. Cardan understood that twisted love one could have for someone who’d raised you, despite all the hurt they’d caused you. Balekin’s shadow still hovered over him sometimes. Yet, he needed not only to get rid of Madoc, but also anyone who thought it could be worth it to follow him. It was easier to dissuade them if the Grand General was dead. Alas, he had to find another way.

"I, hereby, remove your position of Grand General. You will be held in the Tower of Forgetting until the High Crown decides otherwise, and whoever who stays loyal to you will follow you."

Madoc glared at Cardan. "Someone competent has to be at the Kingdom’s head, lead the army and plan Elfhame’s defense. I have taken that role since it was clearly lacking."

Cardan shrugged. "If you haven’t bypassed me, maybe it wouldn’t have. And, anyway, Elfhame doesn’t lack strategists. I know someone who has Grima Mog’s address. Do you think she has ever tried to kill her King?"

Madoc didn’t bother answering. Cardan’s guard surrounded him.

"Does my punishment seem fair to you, Madoc? I believe you would advise me to take the head of whoever attempt to usurp my functions. Shall we do that instead?"

"No, Your Majesty," Madoc abdicated. He let himself being handled. Cardan allowed himself to feel triumphant, knowing full well it wasn’t the end of it. There were all Madoc’s loyal allies to arrest as well, and the peace treaty to negotiate.

"Nicasia," Cardan said while Madoc was taken away. "I hope this is enough consequences for you?"

"I think you have your reasons for not putting him to death," she said bitterly.

"I have my reasons," Cardan replied. She wasn’t pleased. Annoyance mingled with grief on her cerulean face. 

"And nothing will change your mind?" Nicasia said.

"Nothing that you have control over," Cardan said, wondering if Jude would kill her father to guarantee the peace.

Then, when she opened her mouth to object: "You wanted consequences and I give them to you. I don’t have to content people who were willing to drown us all a handful of weeks ago."

He added, softer: "But we can still find an arrangement. The land and the sea can still be something."

Her own words echoed back at her, and Cardan watched her yielding.

"We shall discuss it," Nicasia said eventually.

They agreed on a meeting tomorrow night, and Cardan mingled in the guests for the rest of the night. He used this time to discreetly conveyed messages and orders to the Court of Shadow. And attempt to salvage what could be salvage between Nicasia and him.

"We’ve identified five persons who planned on staying loyal to Madoc," the Bomb said the following day. "Van is still trying to figure out Valen’s loyalty."

Cardan made a coin dance on his fingers. The Ghost took a bottle from the Court of Shadow’s chests.

"Recruit more spy. And test the guards’ loyalty," Cardan ordered. "Make sure nobody has any," he glanced at the Ghost, "external pressures or obligations."

Hopefully, Cardan was sure the Ghost would not betray him. He was also certain about the Roach and the Bomb. He had to trust their judgment on the other spies they had taken in later, though. He recalled how he had entrusted  Madoc with more responsibilities in exchange for the forgetting of the Ghost’s true name. Hopefully, Cardan had understood quickly after he had partaken in Jude’s kidnapping, before the spy was captured and killed.

He drank at the cup the Ghost served him. He thought about the small body he had almost touched, her milky baby scent, her overall tininess. He longed for Jude’s glare and the time he had lost, trying to play the smartest, while all he managed to do was missing the most precious moments he could have shared with his wife and daughter.

He drank a little more.

"Are you happy?" He blurted out, asking nobody in particular.

Tiernan, who just joined them for his daily report, frowned at him but kept his thoughts to himself.

"Lady Selene has speculated about freeing Madoc from the Tower," Tiernan said. "It could be mere chit chat, but I’ll keep watching her."

"I’d keep an eye on Hyacinth if I were you," the Ghost said.

"Happiness, Your Majesty, is a peculiar thing," the Roach came sitting before him with a glass of dark, viscous liquid.

"One could say you are the happiest only in your memories of happier times," the spy said. "Others would say wealth brought them happiness, or love, or esteem."

"And you?" Cardan asked. "What would you say bring you happiness?"

Van glanced at Lilliver. "I’d say you are happy when you have what you’ve missed the most."

It took them two unending months to capture what they believe was the most of Madoc’s allies. Cardan spent half of them treading between the Undersea’s pugnacity and Nicasia’s anger.

It took him all his might to not fly away to the mortal world to celebrate the signature of the treaty with Jude. He did send her a letter though. Letter which didn’t remain unanswered this time.

'I’m happy to read everything’s working as you wish. I wouldn’t trust Valen if I were you. He’s too ambitious. How does Madoc handle his captivity? I struggle to imagine him locked and quiet. Concerning our common interest, it stands tall and will soon stop holding on. It has powerful teeth, Vi’s finger has been bleeding all morning. Are you sure your new entourage is safe enough? I’d think twice about them all.

See you soon, I hope,

Your Queen

P.S. : I look at her, and I can’t stop thinking about you.'

Cardan hugged it to his heart, his tail flapping eagerly against the soft cushions of the couch. He loved every inch of this letter, the smell of the mortal paper, the roundness of her words, the metallic blue of the ink, her unhidden worries and the cautiousness of mentioning their daughter. The postscript and the signature lit a hope in him, he never allowed himself to have. Would she be truly willing to be his Queen?

He knew he was smiling like an idiot, he didn’t care. Alone in his room, at the break of dawn, the difficult child, the cowardly prince and the cruel king Cardan had been dared to hope she would love him eventually.

The day she came back was unexpected. Or rather, it went as they should have expected it, if they had thought about it. Cardan had daydreamed about fetching her and Alice in the mortal world, offering them the most splendid dresses and announcing their return to Court, with long balls and a lot of kissing. Of course, he should have known Jude would sneak back, and of course she would be trying to kill the man who had betrayed her and was still walking free. Hopefully the Ghost was an experimented assassin.

They were rolling in the dust of the new Court of Shadow, knives in hand, Van trying to separate them without dying, while Lilliver came back with Cardan.

Cardan grabbed Jude by the shoulder and pulled her away.

"He’s not what you think!" Cardan tried to calm her down.

"I trusted you, Cardan!" She struggled in his arms. "I trusted you, asshole!"

"Jude! Please!" Cardan managed to sit her on a chair. She gave him her death-glare, but Cardan kept his composure.

"Jude," the Ghost said, dusting his clothes. He had a bleeding cut on his right cheek. "I didn’t want to work for Madoc."

"Why then?" She said, her voice acidic.

The Ghost glanced at Cardan, uncomfortable as he recalled what had happened.

"He came in possession of my true name."

He explained his regrets about Liriope’s death. How he had given his name to her son, who gave it to the Grand General. How Cardan had helped him.

Jude seemed put out. Cardan saw her thinking about the implications, scheming and worrying. She looked up at the Ghost’s cut. Looked down, not quite hiding her guilt. She massaged her bruising knuckles. The Roach and the Bomb didn’t speak.

"Well, why all the frowns?" Cardan said with almost non-fain enthusiasm. "The Queen is back! Let’s celebrate!"

"Is there anything else I need to know?" Jude asked, her voice cruelly lacking a celebrating tone.

Cardan scratched the back of his head. "We’ve cleansed the Court from Madoc’s influence, or at least, most of it. I guess I still need to impose myself as a leader, but that’ll come with time."

"Oh I don’t doubt that," Jude said, standing up. Cardan felt a rush of happiness.

His tail flapped with enthusiasm. "You don’t?"

Her blush told him everything he needed to know.

"Madoc is not the only one conspiring against you," she affirmed, grabbing a knife.

"We are watching," Van said. "Listening to the gossip, setting traps. But as long as you’re in power, you’ll be at risk."

Jude clenched her jaw, her hand tightening around the knife. Cardan’s tail stop flapping, and fell, resigned. He reached out for Jude, on a whim, putting his hand on her forearm.

"If you think it’s safer in the mortal world—"

I would let you go. I would come with you. I would abdicate.

She glared up at him.

"You don't want me here anymore?" She said it softer than Cardan would have expected.

Cardan chuckled. "Of course I want you there." He embraced her. She let him. Cardan's tail wiggled when he felt the bite of her knife against his throat.

"Reenacting our romantic memories?" He loved her so much. Jude sighed.

"Let me go." The knife dug a little deeper. He let her go. Van and Lilliver were smiling at each other, the Ghost nodded.

"If Alice were to come live here, we need accommodation," Jude started.

"The nursery is unbearably empty," Cardan said. Then, after seeing something on Jude's face, "or we can furnish our room with a crib--" it almost felt illicit to say 'our' "-- and a place for her to crawl safely, I have bought her toys! Shall I show you? Of course, you can bring her own toys as well. Has she started walking by herself?"

His tail hurt and Cardan wondered if it could dislocate. Jude, flushed, crossed her arms on her chest, and said nothing. Cardan felt acutely aware of the other spies' avoiding stares.

"She had," Jude said.

Cardan offered her a smile and a hand. "Well, my Queen, would you like a tour of your new apartments?"

"I’d love to," Jude smiled back, taking his hand. Neither mention that she had already been there before.

"Shall I show you?" he asked. He walked by the entrance of the Court of Shadow’s lair, expecting Jude to follow him. The Ghost handed her a cloak, which she pulled over her head, hiding her face. She followed Cardan.

They didn’t exchange a word while they walked in through the corridor of the Palace, nearly empty at this late hours of the morning, save for the guards and seldom courtiers. Jude’s pace echoed behind at the same rhythm as his heartbeat. Cardan caught his tail and tugged it into his pants. 

They fall on the royal mattress, embracing each other. Cardan had his nose in the crook of Jude’s neck, smelling her typical mortal’s scent, kissing every inch of her skin, the angle of her jaw, the swell of her lips, their tongue tangling, their hands roaming. They lost themselves in each other, until their bodies exulted, until their hearts quieted, until the candles burnt out.

Jude, of course, preferred taking the matter of safety between her own hands. She secretly assessed the Court of Shadow herself. The state of the guard. The conditions of the traitors’ imprisonment, and the oath taken by Cardan’s subjects and armies.

After a week, she sat at the Court of Shadow, regal at the head of the table, worrying the tip of her amputated finger. Her brown, warm eyes looked at Cardan, undecipherable. He stared back at her, his nervousness betrayed by his twitching tail.

"You’ve done a great job," Jude said, and Cardan heard the hints of admiration in her voice. He straightened up, proud.

"Have I?" He couldn’t help the teasing.

Jude remained serious. "You did. You’re a good King."

Now his tail wiggled, hitting rather painfully the edge and back of the chair. "Am I?"

"We should plan the Princess arrival," the Roach said. Jude tensed. She crossed her arms on her chest.

"We can assure her safety personally," the Bomb said. The Ghost agreed.

"We can recruit more knights and spies," Cardan added. "Reserving the ones we are certain we can trust for Alice’s safety."

Jude didn’t seem to disagree with that plan, but still, Cardan could see her jaw clenched tight, the tension straightening her body. Cardan put a hand on her forearm.

“Hey, Darling,” he said softly. She glanced at him. “We’re not going to let her be harmed. I ’ll watch her when you cannot. I’ll take care of her.”

Jude considered this. Then she took a deep breath, taking to a decision.

They landed in the mortal world at dusk. They walked the patch of short grass, opened the glass door with a beeping thing, climbed the stairs with their unique smell.

Cardan’s heart beat as fast as his tail swung. Inside, Oak and Vivienne were feeding Alice, who seemed delighted to eat carrot and cheese.

“Mama!” The baby girl grinned when she saw Jude entering. Everyone else’s smile crumpled when they saw Cardan here as well.

Jude went and picked up her daughter from her high chair, kissing her chubby cheeks. Cardan tried to not mind her family’s glares.

“Do you want to see Daddy?” Jude cooed in her neck.

“Da?” Alice looked questioningly at Jude.

Jude carried her to Cardan. “Yes Alice,” she put a hand on Cardan. “This is Daddy. Da-ddy.”

“Dadadadada!” Alice chanted, happy, her tail and arms swinging. She looked so much like Jude. She had her warm eyes and her round, sweet face, her full lips. 

“Hello, Princess,” Cardan said. He had the urge to touch her cheek. It was soft and smelt lovely. “Look, I have a tail too!”

He grabbed his own tail and showed her. Alice made a ‘o’ with her mouth and picked the tuff end with her puffy hands. Then she put it in her mouth and bit.

“Ouch,” Cardan said, freeing his tail from her powerful jaws.

“Alice!” Jude said.

Alice giggled.

“You didn’t tell me she was carnivorous,” Cardan joked.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have let Grima babysat her,” Jude muttered to herself. Cardan blinked.

“What?” Cardan and Vivienne asked.

“Who’s Grima?” Heather asked from the kitchen. Jude sighed.

“We’re going back to Elfhame,” Jude announced.

Vivienne stood up. “You can’t be serious!”

“And yet I am,” Jude replied.

“You’re both going to get killed!”

Jude put Alice in Cardan’s arms, who fumbled to keep her up, to talk with her sister without barrier.

Cardan heard them walking in another room, but he was too caught up in Alice, who just got a hold of his hair, to follow them. Distantly, he heard their heated argument, but he busied himself by making faces at his daughter. His daughter! He tried to figure out what made her laugh the hardest. So far, filling his cheeks with air and letting her deflate them worked best.

She was heavier than he expected, so he gave himself the right to sit down.

“She likes cheese,” Oak told him, handing Alice a piece of cheese directly in her mouth. She chewed with a big smile, making pleased noises. Then she opened her mouth wide. Cardan tore some cheese and fed her pieces. She bit the tip of his fingers, taking some sadistic pleasure over the sight of Cardan hurting.

“You’re a menace, aren’t you?” Cardan said conspiratorially.

“Yeah. She always threw her mashed vegetables at me,” Oak said. 

“Do you want a tea, er, your Highness?” Heather asked. She’d been watching them, with a poorly hidden fright. 

“I’d appreciate it.”

Jude and her sister came out of the room at that moment. Cardan startled when Vivienne, out of all people, grabbed a knife, pulled his hair back and pressed the blade on the delicate skin of his neck.

“Sorry Vivi, my heart is already taken.”

“If anything happens to them, I swear Cardan, I don’t care if you’re the High King, I will kill you.”

“And I will let you,” Cardan said. She let the knife down, marched away, picked the tea Heather had prepared for him, and drank it. Was Taryn also hiding her terrifying side?

Jude sat before them, toying with her - their - daughter’s dark hair. “She’s worried,” she said.

“I am beginning to understand how deep your worries are,” Cardan said. He thought about this tiny little girl roaming in the Court, and he couldn’t help but clutch her tighter. “We will not leave her alone until she can defend herself.”

Jude nodded.

Through the next week, they packed, and Cardan learned to know his bitey baby. He bathed her, fed her, played with her, watched her sleep on his chest.

When the time came for them to return to Elfhame, Cardan had appointed a boat - because he would not let his tiny girl fly unfastened on a plant-like horse. He had the privilege of carrying her on the ship. Before them, Jude’s silhouette was crowned by the sunset rays. She climbed on the boat like the Queen she was. Alice was a little wary of the sea and the boat, and when Cardan stepped on the board, she intertwined her tail with his.

Cardan wiped the single tear escaping his right eye.