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Sang Woo remembers it—remembers him—clearly. The boy on the playground with messy hair and a ball. How the boy asked him to play.
He was six years old, and his mother took his sister and him to the playground one day when school was dismissed early. Sang Woo didn’t particularly enjoy—no, he actually hated—playing with his older sister. She bullied him simply because he was younger and quieter. Sang Woo didn’t play much with other children, either. He was a bit shy and enjoyed playing alone with only his imagination for company.
Sang Woo wandered over to the sandbox, which was luckily the quietest part of the playground. Nobody would bother him there, and he could play with his toy excavator in peace. He enjoyed building new worlds that he had created in his daydreams.
He was busy building the tallest building in the world when he noticed that another boy had sat down next to him. The boy had messy hair, band aids on his knees, and was wearing a bright blue shirt with a yellow race car on it. And he was TALL. He had a ball with him. Sang Woo was a little afraid that the boy would be mean to him or hurt him just because he was bigger. However, the boy just watched Sang Woo.
“What’re you building?”
Sang Woo looked at him. “A city.” He wanted to add a “duh,” but his mother told him it was impolite. Sang Woo always wanted to follow her rules, because he knew his eomma was wise. He looked back down at the sand and continued to build.
“Which building is that?” The other boy cocked his head and looked at Sang Woo with curiosity, pointing at the structure Sang Woo was building at that moment.
Sang Woo was a bit irritated, but he flatly answered, “The tallest building in the world.” The boy thought that Sang Woo didn’t sound unkind, but he didn’t sound interested in answering his questions either. Sang Woo just kept his head down and eyes focused on his creation.
The boy seemed to know that he wasn’t going to get any more answers about Sang Woo’s building, so he switched the subject.
“Oh. How old are you?” The boy ran a hand through the sand next to him, letting it sift through his fingers a few times.
Sang Woo looked up at him. He didn’t want to answer in case the boy was older than he was and would take that as an allowance to bully him just like his sister did. But the boy seemed OK, just a little bothersome. “I’m six.”
“I’m eight! You can call me ‘hyung,’” the boy responded, eyes lighting up.
“I don’t have a hyung. That’s only for family. I don’t have any brothers, and all my cousins are girls.”
The boy kept his face neutral, but Sang Woo thought he saw a little flash of confusion in his eyes.
“OK. Well…do you want to play ball with me?” The boy smiled with excitement at the possibility of a new playmate. “I know it’s only two of us, but maybe we could just kick the ball around a little, pretending we are on South Korea’s National Team....” The words came rushing out of the boy’s mouth.
Sang Woo just wanted to finish his city. “No thanks.” He looked back down at his work.
The boy’s face fell. He looked down at his knees and started picking at one of the band aids. “Why not? Is it because I told you that you could call me ‘hyung?’ You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” He thought that he was being friendly.
“I just don’t want to.”
“Please?”
“No.”
“Pretty please?”
“No.”
“But WHY?”
“Because I don’t like you!” Sang Woo yelled, slamming his hand down in the sand next to him.
“Oh.” The boy drew back and looked hurt.
“Leave me alone, please. There are other kids you can play with. You don't need to be in the sandbox. It seems like you want to play ball anyway.”
“OK…well, see ya, I guess.” The boy walked away. Sang Woo thought he looked disappointed, but he couldn’t figure out why.
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That night, as Sang Woo was laying in bed, the boy’s face came into his mind. Sang Woo thought his smile was nice, but that he was annoying. His clothes were too bright, and he asked too many questions. His hair was messy, and he actually *picked at his band aid.* That was gross! He could have gotten germs in his cut! Didn’t he even know that?
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During the next few days at school, Sang Woo felt distracted. He couldn’t stop thinking about the boy at the playground. He started re-imagining his conversation with him. When the boy asked about his building, Sang Woo answered in more detail. “It is a multi-use building. It has offices for the grown-ups, but it also has a library, a swimming pool with a slide, a shopping mall, and the best part—an ENTIRE FLOOR that’s just video games.” He imagined the boy smiling that bright smile. He imagined agreeing to call him “hyung.” He didn’t like these thoughts.
The worst thought of all? “Maybe I should have played ball with the boy.”
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Sang Woo runs faster than he ever has in his life. He needed to get out of that costume room. He needed to get away from Jae Young.
He doesn’t understand what the hell is happening to him.
He hates Jae Young. So why did he feel his heart beating faster in his chest when Jae Young whispered in his ear? Why did he panic? Why did he have a…bodily reaction? And why was he disappointed that Jae Young didn’t get closer to him?
Sang Woo rushes home, determined to find answers. What he finds scares him. He’s *not* attracted to Jae Young. The people on the internet are wrong! There’s no possible way that Sang Woo could have feelings for a man. It isn’t rational. Jang Jae Young is an error!
Sang Woo can’t go to classes tomorrow. He can’t face Jae Young. He needs to figure this out. He needs to solve this problem.
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Sang Woo screams at Jae Young. “I never asked you to care!”
Jae Young looks incredulously at Sang Woo. “I thought we were on good terms now.”
“Stop acting like we’re friends. We did that presentation together, but I still hate you.”
“I was worried about you, and this is the way you talk to me? You know, you remind me of this kid I met on the playground once when I was eight. I was only trying to be nice to him, and he yelled at me to leave him alone. He wanted me to get out of his sandbox. You know what, Sang Woo, I’ll leave you alone and get out of your metaphorical sandbox.”
Jae Young throws the porridge at Sang Woo’s feet and stomps off, fuming.
Sang Woo’s eyes widen. “That was you?” His whisper is barely audible.
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Jae Young’s absence in his life should have been a relief for Sang Woo. Instead, it leaves him uneasy. He doesn’t know how to fix it.
He talks to Ryu Ji Hye. She suggests a reset. She’s smarter than he thought.
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Sang Woo follows Jae Young into the alley. Jae Young ignores him and continues his phone conversation.
Sang Woo plucks up all his courage. “Hyung.”
This time, he will play ball with the boy.