Archive of Our Own ^beta

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Lucina was here.

Laurent left the library and started for the Northern Mountains with a haste he would find ignominious, if he had room for such thoughts.

He had just never expected to find any of his friends here—much less their princess, who had to be much too busy rewriting history to fall into randomly occurring Outrealm portals. And yet, Lucina had written to him. He recognised her handwriting and the way of her words. Perhaps Mother would say that he lacked proof until he saw her with her own eyes, but Father would say that sometimes, instincts ran true, and in this case, Laurent just knew.

The living quarters of the fortress were some ways from the warp point, and so he was breathless by the time he reached Lucina’s door. He knocked three times in succession, then stood back to await her with a lack of patience he scarcely suffered.

Laurent’s unconscious belief that he would remain alone in this Outrealm had left him ill prepared for a reunion.

“Lucina,” he began, straightening his glasses in an attempt to appear composed. “I’m glad to see you’re well. I…”

“I haven’t…” Laurent cleared his throat, but his voice remained trapped.

His eyes were watering, he realised with alarm. Gods, no. The last thing he needed was for Lucina to see him cry.

Unfortunately, it was too late. Clutching his communication tome like a lifeline, Laurent turned his head away, even knowing that it would hide nothing.

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Finding one of her lost comrades was a joy and a relief; something Lucina never would have expected stumbling upon here of all places. After spending years wandering Ylisse and Regna Ferox, tailing her Father's Shepherds just out of sight, a lonely existence had become achingly familiar to Lucina. Long lost were the days when her allies flanked her at every turn. Time travel was unpredictable at best, and while Lucina had known that there was a chance they might be separated while journeying to the past, once two years had passed with no sight of her comrades... she had begun to fear the worst. Risen, wolves, brigands—she may have had faith in their capabilities, but the list of threats grew ever larger. She'd seen firsthand how easily death could claim even the strongest of souls. 

...But Laurent was here. If he survived, then that was all the hope Lucina needed to know she'd soon reunite with the rest of her Junior Shepherds. Perhaps he even knew the whereabouts of the others. How could she ever doubt them? They were smart, independent, resourceful; even if Lucina wasn't there to watch over and protect them, they'd manage just fine without her. 

The duration of time between her last message to Laurent and his arrival was shockingly brief. Had he managed to warp here from his magic alone? Lucina wouldn't put it past him. Spellcasting was never her own forte; Laurent easily had enough mastery for the both of them. 

Laurent's equally spaced knocks easily announced his presence. She never met anyone as put-together and punctual as he was, except for his own parents.

"Laurent—!" Happiness bloomed across her face as she opened the door to face him. However, her joy quickly evaporated into concern. The normally placid expression on Laurent's face had been fractured. His breathing was quick and unsteady, as though he had just finished an arduous battle. Underneath his spectacles and brimmed hat, she could see clear upset.

"Are you..." The words died on her tongue. Normally, he was the last of their friends to lose composure. 

Sympathy flooded throughout her, and she stepped towards him to break their minor distance. Clearly, her friend needed support. Lifting her hand, she gently placed it onto his shoulder, eyes softening. "It's alright, Laurent. You needn't try and hide your emotions from me." Shifting her head to try and meet his gaze, she offered an understanding smile. "We're a team, aren't we? I'll support you in any way I am able, no matter how dire the circumstance.”

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Laurent was hardly opposed to tactility; in fact, though he rarely initiated it, it was rather welcome. In spite of this, he found that when Lucina touched him, he barely succeeded in repressing a flinch. The sensation had no right to be so strong compared to the texture of his clothes or the feel of his own hands as he tried and failed to wipe his face dry. There was no logic in it. The power of human contact was something that deserved further study.

Laurent failed to face Lucina, even lowering his head further so that his hat would obscure his expression. His earlier, tangential thoughts had calmed him somewhat, but not entirely. “Of that… I have no doubt,” he managed.

If they were being technical, Laurent’s role was to support her; never the reverse. Of course, however, Lucina would loathe such a one-sided relationship. And the fact remained that Laurent was here shedding tears outside her door. She deserved to know why.

He just prayed that he would not upset her overmuch with his explication.

“I… must apologise. Nothing is the matter,” he assured her. “Actually, it is the reverse… that has me…”

‘Crying’, he meant to conclude, except that he was too abashed to actually do so. Tears continued to appear to replace the ones he wiped away.

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Worry pitted in her stomach as he continued to conceal his face from her. Perhaps what she initially thought of as a bout of overflowing emotion had a more serious root...

"Has someone brought you harm?" The smile upon her maw dissipated in an instant, replaced instead with steel in her gaze. "If you're willing to tell me their name, I will see to them personally." If it meant protecting her allies from further harm or harassment, Lucina was more than willing to utilize her strength to achieve such a goal.

Thankfully, Laurent dismissed her concerns. Still, he claimed that nothing was the matter, despite everything pointing to otherwise. What else could have caused such a tearful reaction? He couldn't even finish his thoughts properly.

Standing put, Lucina couldn't fight against the wave of helplessness that overcame her. If she could have taken away and shouldered the burden of all her friends' sorrow herself, she would have done so in an instant.

"I must admit, I'm a bit at a loss..." Sheepishly, Lucina rubbed the back of her hair with her spare hand. How could she comfort someone who wouldn't even look at her? No matter how many times he rubbed at his face, the muffled sniffling still reached her ears.

Oh. It wasn't very comfortable for him to be doing this where people could potentially see, was it?

"Here, come inside," stepping through her door, Lucina gingerly ushered Laurent towards her bedroom, moving her hand towards the small of his back to lead him properly without forcing him to look up or risk tripping. Once inside, she steered him towards the nearest armchair.

"Is there anything you desire? There is a mess hall a little ways from here, I can depart now and retrieve anything you wish."

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Laurent couldn’t conceal the way he stiffened in response to the hand Lucina placed on his back. Still, he followed where she led, taking a seat as she had wordlessly suggested without lifting his head.

Of course she was at a loss. In all honesty, Laurent was caught off guard by the strength of his sorrow, himself. He didn’t expect to be so overcome with relief that he would not be spending another five years alone. After the earlier discovery that his housemate was someone from his world—someone he was familiar with, no less—he thought he’d been sufficiently prepared for further reunions.

How had he succeeded in fooling himself to such a degree?

He finally removed his spectacles, placing them folded up in his lap. His breaths remained  uneven, but at least he believed his cheeks would remain dry when he wiped them, this time.

Lucina wanted to—?

“No,” said Laurent immediately, looking up at Lucina in fear that she was already starting for the door.

And just as quickly, he felt smothered in shame. He was being a clingy child. Disallowing Lucina from a trip that was unlikely to take more than fifteen minutes, purely because Laurent hated so much for her to leave, was ridiculous. He needed to pull himself together.

“That’s… unnecessary,” he added, in a poor attempt to sound like his usual self. “I—I beg your pardon; I never intended to be so… dramatic.”

For the first time today, Laurent truly studied Lucina properly. There was some difference in her face, but it was so minute that he couldn’t pinpoint it exactly. Then again, even if she’d aged as much as he had, a person’s development from 18 to 23 was hardly radical. Especially not when compared to the difference between 16 and 21.

Laurent lowered his gaze again. “I… suppose I am obligated to elaborate.”

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The uncharacteristic desperation of his response caught Lucina off guard, his disagreement so vehement that she didn't attempt to try and convince him otherwise. 

"I understand. I have no qualms with staying put." She resisted the urge to reassure him there was no need to ask for her pardon, and instead took a seat directly across from him. Hopefully it would be enough to reassure him she had no intention of leaving. 

When he stared up at her, no longer wearing his glasses, Lucina could clearly see the redness underneath his burgundy eyes. Her insides twisted at his sad, almost frightened expression. It was nearly enough to spark her own tears. The weight of his woe appeared so heavy, it was as though it had single-handedly managed to age him.

Their eye contact was broken off once again as he tore his face away, and Lucina didn't know whether it was a punishment or mercy that she wouldn't be able to continue looking into his gaze and facing his anguish head-on.

"As much as I'd like to know what has upset you to such a degree, I do not wish to trouble you any further. You do not need to explain anything to me if you do not feel comfortable." Her words were soft, but firm. The last thing she desired was for Laurent to experience any more mental turmoil on her behalf.

"No matter what it is, even if you choose not to confide in me, I'll understand. I promise you, there is no timeline where I'd forsake you." They'd already been through hell and back together; nothing could break their bond. There was nobody else who could understand what they'd been through other than their friends, and if they chose to return to their own time after this was all over, there is a chance they'd once again return to a world where they only have each other to rely on.

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Infantile as it was, Laurent felt palpable relief when Lucina sat down.

“I’d like to,” he insisted, shaking his head. After his display, Laurent knew that to withhold the cause would worry Lucina more than if he explained it to her. The last thing he desired was for her to catastrophise about what he’d experienced in her absence.

He had hypothesised endlessly about whether he had been the only one separated, or if they all had found themselves alone in all corners of the world, like Laurent did. With no way of knowing for certain, he kept his phrasing ambiguous. “As you know, when we went through the Outrealm gate, we did not all arrive… together.” Laurent’s tone was lacking its usual professionalism. “I found myself in Valm, a good three years before the war with Plegia began. From there, I… spent approximately half a decade alone.”

His hands—gloveless, as he had been writing just prior to meeting Lucina—lay clasped tightly together in his lap. “Upon seeing you… I was overcome with relief. That is all.” Shaking his head again, he repeated, “Nothing is the matter.”

Laurent couldn’t look Lucina in the eye; he feared what he would see if he did.

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First and foremost, other than his keen intellect and love for research, Lucina knew Laurent as a man who was incredibly dedicated to those around him. Without his aid, part of her was uncertain they would've been able to even survive long enough to travel in time. They certainly wouldn't have been as organized, even if they had. The mental image of Laurent traveling independently, without any companions to watch over and guide, felt inherently wrong. He spent 5 years, entirely by himself?

The gasp that escaped her was largely unwilling.

"Oh, I— I see." Her breath caught in her throat, words unsteady despite her best efforts, the new information cleaving through her. Was that why she hadn't been able to find their comrades yet? Had they been strewn across the ages, never to be seen again? Lucina figured they were physically lost somewhere among Ylisse, to be later found on their travels, but there was no way to retrieve them all if some had been sent decades in the past…

No. She couldn't let such thoughts consume her. Laurent had found his way back to her, and she would reunite with the others. For now, she had to focus on the present.

"I'm so sorry. I hadn't known," reuniting with her family and hiding her identity had both been difficult and emotionally taxing, but it was nothing compared to the solitude Laurent must have faced. She had been too blind to realize how fortunate she was to have entered the past at the exact right time and place. It wasn't any surprise that Laurent couldn't meet her eyes. While her mission required constant vigilance to ensure nothing terrible would come to pass, it still hadn't been fair to him, or any of their time-traveling allies. How many of them had been suffering in silence, alone, while she was allowed the privilege of being in close proximity to their parents, the original Shepherds?

"If I had known, I would have tried to locate you sooner, or…" Scrambling, her mind scanned endless possibilities where she could have done better, tried harder, been stronger; anything to ease the suffering of her loved ones and fix the shortcomings that plagued her. Even with the chance of a lifetime to alter their past, she was still making countless mistakes. Was her dream to liberate them all from hardship nothing more than a fool's errand? 

"Forgive me, Laurent," she bowed her head, the guilt of her inaction too heavy to bear. "That must have been so lonely for you.”

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Lucina’s gasp turned Laurent’s insides to ice.

He knew he had no reason to fear judgement—and yet, he was ashamed. Said out loud, at least to Laurent, it sounded so trivial. But he could tell from that one sound that he had troubled Lucina deeply. 

It was all he had hoped not to do.

In response to the self-flagellation in Lucina’s voice, Laurent shook his head in denial. Following her apology, he recovered enough to say matter-of-factly, “We were well aware there would be risks. For all that could have occurred, the reality was, in fact… rather mild.”

That, also, was a fact Laurent reminded himself of often. It caused him great concern regarding the fates of the other Shepherds, most days. However, during times where all he could think of was his own pain, it was a bitter sort of comfort, to recall that his own circumstances weren’t as poor as they could have been.

His eyes dry at last, he placed his spectacles back on his face. “Furthering our cause was far more urgent than ascertaining my whereabouts.”

Whatever Lucina had been doing, for however long she had spent in the past thus far, Laurent didn’t doubt was pertinent to interrupting the flow of fate and ensuring the world a brighter future. In light of that, none of his bitterness was directed towards her. He would never blame her for what was, plainly, poor luck.

The tea table put too much distance between them for Laurent to place his hand on Lucina’s shoulder, the way he wished to. This condition of his, brought on by years bereft of friendly tactility, could be rather contradictory. It was nonsensical, to crave touch, yet shy away from it when received.

Laurent settled for threading his fingers tightly together. “So please… there is no need for an apology.”

Lonely as it may have been—the fault did not lay at Lucina’s feet.

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“We were well aware there would be risks. For all that could have occurred, the reality was, in fact… rather mild.” As Laurent returned his glasses to his face, she couldn’t help but notice the firelight glinting within its reflection, before his words sparked a flame of their own. “Furthering our cause was far more urgent than ascertaining my whereabouts.”

”’Mild’ is not how I would phrase the matter,” Lucina’s voice took on a stern edge. While being given the opportunity to go back in time was an incredible privilege to have been bestowed, it did not ease Laurent’s suffering, nor the absence of their comrades. “I cannot deny its urgency; nevertheless, the loss hung heavy on my mind each passing day. One cannot so easily forget her allies, no matter how important her mission.”

While not wholly well, Laurent was looking more himself, his tears stymied. Fond sorrow kindled within her features, her eyes remaining glued onto the subject. Her failings continued to swarm her. Failings as a leader, failings as a friend. Still, Lucina knew self-pity accomplished nothing. The best she could do would be to improve Laurent’s experiences from this moment forward. If nothing else, Lucina could accomplish that.

“In that case, I will apologize no further. Regardless, know that I will not stop trying to make it up to you.” Leaning back within the chair, Lucina’s foot began to drape over her knee as she relaxed her position. Despite the late hour, Lucina had no intention of wasting the opportunity to make the most of their time together. It had been years since she last had the chance for a late night conversation with one of her closest confidants. They need not dwell on their sorrows for the time being. “We have quite a few years to catch up on, don’t we?” 

The hours passed by easily within the ensuing conversation. Lucina hung onto each word describing his newfound discoveries, taking meager solace in the research he was able to conduct during his isolation. Only when the fire began to perish and the dim light of morning peered through her window had they parted ways, knowing they would see each other again shortly.