Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

When Kate came to Nimbasa City, she found herself drawn to the Battle Subway.

She was never that interested in battle facilities, despite being to three different regions before, two of which have world famous facilities. But there is simply one fundamental problem with the concept that prevents Kate from being interested in them – it’s battles for the sake of battles. Sure, by winning one does earn battle points they can later exchange for cool, or even helpful things. But Kate was never interested in any of the items those exchange shops hold. And the battles at the facilities do not give the winning party any cash, so Kate never had anything to gain from them. It’s just the attitude she acquired growing up with Pokémon battles being a mean of surviving.

But this place is different. It isn’t some remote location that can’t be accessed by people who haven’t beaten the Unova league. And it isn’t just a battle facility either. It doubles as a public transport – a whole subway system that spreads under the whole region, like an Ariados web. It in itself is already a wonder that Kate has never seen before, having lived without ever really seeing a real train before. A wonder of technology that can take you almost anywhere in Unova, a complicated network that manages to run like the clock, precise and efficient. Just relax, while the huge metal pipe follows its set tracks, with no mistakes, its wheels producing a rhythmic sound that is almost soothing. There is something fascinating and satisfying Kate finds about it all, that she doesn’t about any other mean of transportation. Fascinating enough to take up the habit of coming down here whenever she has some time to kill, even when she doesn’t actually has to go anywhere, and just ride the trains, or sit at a station and just watch the trains instead.

Although this is already enough of a reason for Kate to come here so often, she eventually end up finding another reason.

Kate sighs as she leans on the back of one of the seats at the station she’s at. Her gaze is locked on a man in a long white coat and a matching conductor’s hat. He is in the other side of the station, busy with something, a tablet in hand and talking with someone in a green uniform.

This isn’t the first time Kate sees the man in the subway. Emmet is his name, if she remembers correctly. She had no idea who he is initially. Only after living in Nimbasa for a few months did she learn of its celebrities – the twins who run the Battle Subway together. The Subway Bosses. And Emmet is one of them, apparently.

Kate was never the person to care much about celebrities. They just exist somewhere, in a world that’s parallel to hers, and everyone is minding their own business. But it wasn’t Emmet’s celebrity status that made Kate curious about him. There is just something… fascinating about this man. Whenever she sees him, she notices how he has a peculiar body language that’s simply fun to watch. It resonates with her somehow. Whenever he interacts with other people and Kate happens to witness it, it is always bound to turn into something entertaining, with how straight to the point and honest he is, while somehow also being playful. When she looked through his social media, she found a treasure trove of hilarious antics that she found funnier than any stand up performance she’s ever seen before. And it is not fake, like social media accounts of companies that try to humanize their brand. All of it is genuine, as far as she can tell. And it is very stimulating to watch. It’s been a long while since she found herself so interested in another human being.

So, Kate found herself interested and fascinated enough to watch him in his natural habitat from time to time. It helped her build a more complete picture of that man. She isn’t sure if this is what people feel when they like a celebrity, but she prefers to think she is simply admiring a person she finds entertaining from afar. Like how she would with any other person she would interested in. With the exception that Kate would not approach said person. Because he’s actually famous, and the idea of sticking up a conversation with him is even more terrifying because of that.

And that was how it was for a few months, with no changes to the routine. Kate was pretty alright with just watching the funny man from afar, until she saw another one, in a similar coat and hat, but black instead of white.

That is the other twin – Ingo. It took Kate an embarrassing amount of time to remember his name. He isn’t as entertaining from afar as his brother. His body language is stiff, his interactions with people much more professional. Even his social media is barely active, and whenever it was, he actually sounded much more like a regular corporate account manager than anything.

And yet… he also has something about him. It’s something different from Emmet, but that something still made Kate start watching him occasionally as well. She only noticed it after a while, and she couldn’t quite put a finger on what I was exactly.

He is polite. Incredibly polite. Sometimes overly polite, it’s almost like he always keeps professional, no matter the situation. She has also seen him excited about things a few times, and that politeness remains every time. It’s almost like that’s somehow his default – simply how he talks. He also seems very kind and patient whenever he talks with anyone – his brother (despite their very funny antics), other passengers, his employees, lost kids and Pokémon. His voice can be very loud, and his facial expressions and movements intimidating, and yet he has this absolute underlying softness and gentleness to him, that once Kate started to notice, could no longer get it out of her head. It was drawing her in, slowly but surely.

Suddenly, just watching from the sidelines is not enough anymore. And that is a problem, because the idea of approaching him is still terrifying.

It’s gonna pass eventually, she thinks. It’s just passing curiosity, and there’s no reason to act on it. And yet, in a regular schedule, like it’s a routine at this point, Kate keeps returning to the Subway every day, just to get a glimpse of the man she became so unusually curious about. After two weeks of just observing, Kate realized that she either needs to move on or do something about this. Ideally both, since she knew she wouldn’t be able to move on without actually approaching first, even just for a short chat.

But how? She can maybe actually try going on a Single Train and getting to him, but Kate isn’t sure it’s a good idea. There probably wouldn’t be enough time to chat before or after the battle, so there wasn’t much point. The only other option she can think of is to just approach him while he’s at the station nearby, but Kate also isn’t sure she is brave enough to do that. She would have been scared to do that with anyone else, and Ingo would be in the middle of work when she approaches. Distracting the man from his work would just make Kate even more embarrassed and more awkward in the interaction…

But after a few days of arguing with herself, Kate decides that she’d rater just butcher their interaction, so she can finally move on, rather than get stuck on this forever. So, one day, she goes down the subway with a specific purpose in mind.

It’s a middle of pretty busy day. While the station isn’t the most crowded Kate has ever seen it, there are still plenty of people walking around. Kate has been standing near a wall for a while now, watching people rush by and waiting for Ingo to hopefully eventually show up. For now, only Emmet is there, talking with someone Kate assumes to be a fan. She isn’t too focused on them though, as she doesn’t want to get distracted and accidentally miss someone she is waiting for.

Finally, her eyes focus on the man she has been waiting for – the big black coat is very hard not to notice, even in a crowd. He is walking along the platform, and oh so conveniently, his route seems to be going right past her. As if the circumstances could have been anymore perfect. She just has to take a step, both literal and metaphorical, and actually speak up. For just a few seconds, Kate feels her whole body freeze, and her feet and fingers grow cold, despite the station being actually pretty stuffy. But when Ingo stops in his tracks not too far from her, checking something on the tablet in his hand, something in Kate’s brain clicks, and a mask is on without her even realizing it at first. With confidence she doesn’t actually have, she takes a step forward, walking up to the conductor from behind.

“We had one face that’s sweet as candy and very kissable around here already, but now we have two! Christmas came early this year”.

Kate smiles, as if what she said was completely planned and not at all just something she would have never said if she gave it just a moment of thought. The moment the last sentence leaves her mouth, she feels herself die a little on the inside. But there is no way back, so Kate keeps smiling and looking at the man, waiting for him to react to her shameless flirting.

While all this is rushing through Kate’s mind, Ingo turns around to face her, his usually somewhat grumpy looking face red, and eyes somewhat widened. It takes him two more seconds to find what to say, and even then he stutters.

“OH! O-oh! Uh! You’re too kind, passenger! I- I would not call myself k-kissable. Eh- Emmet is the sw-sweet one. Perhaps you are looking for him?”

The man stutters with almost every word he says, his voice only evening out when he wonders if Kate mistook him for his twin. This… is not the reaction Kate expected. What she said actually flustered him? She wouldn’t have been surprised if she scared him and made him just leave this random girl who threw a cringe-worthy pick-up line at him, or told her this was inappropriate. Yet he didn’t. This is weird.

Kate suddenly wants to push further, to see how the man would react if she were to continue down this path. How far could she take this until he ran out of patience? She’s seen many of his emotions before while watching him, but never him losing his temper.

So, Kate smiles slyly, squinting her eyes at the tall man. “I’d say you both have very sweet and kissable faces. Especially now that you’re blushing, remind me of strawberry ice cream. Mind if I try and see if you’re as sweet as you look?”

With the tip of her tongue stuck out from between her lips, and a wink, Kate says out loud another sentence that would have made her burn alive from embarrassment if she gave it any further thought. Quite the ask – for a kiss, after barely exchanging a few words. Now he is sure to get angry or annoyed, Kate thinks. But to her shock, Ingo’s face becomes redder and his body language, which is usually already pretty stiff, loses its professional edge and becomes something shy and flustered.

“I- I- I-“, he stutters, completely caught off guard. Yet he is still not annoyed in the slightest. “I assure you! I do not taste like ice cream!” His eyes dart in different directions, “I’m not sure what I taste like, I have never bothered to investigate such a proposition, I would think I would taste like black coffee since it’s what I consume a majority of the time, which is admittedly not healthy, but I cannot resist it, as I work on late night paperwork, forgive me passenger but I do not taste as good as you probably expect – “

Ingo’s rant lasts for a while, and he never once takes a breath, until the very end, which leaves Kate both shocked and impressed. When he notices that he isn’t really going anywhere good with this, he looks at Kate, and stutters once again.

“I- “, he turns around to look where his brother is standing in the distance. “EMMET HELP!”

Kate leans to the side, to look at Emmet without Ingo obstructing the view, to see how he would react. She expects him to maybe come over to see what the commotion is, or maybe be the one to tell the girl harassing his twin off. But all he does is smile in their direction and give Ingo a thumbs up.

“You got this, brother!... Full steam ahead! Aim for the tracks that run through the heart!”

Kate genuinely laughs, covering her mouth with a hand, and she can hear Ingo groan as he turns back to her. This is pretty fun. She would remember this for the rest of her life, once all of this is over and they never see eachother again. Before her consciousness kicks in though and she feels mortified at what she’s done, she wants to go as far as she can, push as hard as she can. She doesn’t actually think she will get that kiss, but she’s already here, so might as well go all out before it’s all over.

“Black coffee, huh? That’s an acquired taste for me. I guess I’ll need to get exposed to the taste a few times, to get addicted”, she winks again, her hips swinging left and right ever so slightly. She is expecting Ingo to either get flustered again, or finally get annoyed and tell her to leave. While he does seem to calm down a little, he still doesn’t seem angry. Despite his somewhat intense facial expression, Kate has a feeling that’s just how his face usually is.

“In that case, I would highly recommend the café just down the street from the Gear Station. They have very good dark roasts, a personal favorite of mine”. His face became somewhat thoughtful for a moment. “We frequently send a depot agent to get our orders for us. Emmet’s order usually consists of half a dozen confectionaries as well…”

It takes Kate a moment to realize what Ingo is proposing. Is he… asking her out to a café? …Why? That is the opposite of what she expected to happen when she started this whole thing. She locks hands behind her back and winks again.

“Hm, a café sounds nice, yes… Though since you said you probably taste like black coffee, I think I’d like a taste from a more appealing place”.

Another absolutely embarrassing line, but Kate is determined to push and finish this. She either somehow gets that kiss as a payment for leaving the man alone already, or, which is more likely, she finally gets told to leave, and they can end this charade here. And once again, despite all of Kate’s expectations, Ingo isn’t annoyed and laughs loudly, before looking down at her again with.

“I would like to remind to passengers that tasting the Subway Bosses is ill advised, due to possibly communicable diseases and general hygiene observances, in which saliva is spread out one or both parties, possibly leading to a health hazard – “, he pauses for a moment, his voice suddenly quieter, and he looks away a little embarrassed. “…Why do I feel like I should not have mentioned that?”

Kate laughs again. The whole exchange has been entertaining so far, even more than Kate would have imagined it would have been from just watching from afar, or looking through the twins’ social media. She supposes it’s no use asking for a kiss again, so she might as well swing in the direction Ingo himself is leaning… for whatever reason.

“Hmm, well, since you’re not down to getting dirty with saliva exchange, how about I ask you out to that café you mentioned instead, and we get to bacteria exchange later, once you do actually taste like coffee?”

Another flirtatious wink, and Kate is expecting Ingo to finally let her down gently, so this exchange can be over and they can go their separate ways. But instead, he blushes again and looks away, stuttering for a moment.

“U-um… I suppose that would be more appropriate…”

As soon as his mind can focus on something else though, his voice and face become a little excited, rather than bashful. “I would enjoy showing you the various flavors and blends they have. They don’t just have coffee! They have tea and juices as well. Perhaps you will find something new you will like!”

Kate rolls her eyes a little, but she was still smiling.

“I think I already did, since I’m going to be with you”, she winks again. It probably looks like a tick at that point. “So what time do you get off work?”

Ingo looked thoughtful, and it seemed like he was genuinely thinking about this. “Unfortunately, our roles as Subway Bosses do not award us the luxury of ever truly having time off. However, spending my break in pleasant company would be favorable to spending it locked in my office”.

Kate doesn’t show it, but her heart skips a beat at the sudden compliment, and she feels her cheeks grow warmer. Ingo doesn’t notice he caught her off guard though, as he is busy giving her the time when they would meet. It’s a good thing, because Kate is sure she wouldn’t be able to come up with anything to say in that moment.

“Our time will be a bit short, but hopefully enjoyable. I can ask Emmet to do some of the paperwork for once. Of course, I will most likely have to go back and redo it because of his atrocious handwriting”. He sighs and shook his head, before looking at Kate again. “Nevermind, I can pull a late shift. I look forward to our meeting”.

Kate is smiling and nodding, before she even fully realizes what exactly she is agreeing to. She isn’t quite there fully, as otherwise the conversation wouldn’t flow as well as it does now, and she would stumble over her own words. “Got it. A short meeting is fine with me”. She smiles slyly again. “I’ll just have to be super efficient and try to make you blush as many times as I can in the short amount of time we’ll have! Where should we meet?”

“We could meet at the Gear Station. I can guide you to the café in question. And there is no need to make me blush, dear passenger!” He perks up suddenly. “Ah! It would not be appropriate for me to continue calling you passenger. Is there something else you would like to go by?”

Kate pauses for a moment. She wasn’t initially planning on sharing her name, since she was also not planning on taking this anywhere far. Her plan was to just have a short conversation, see the reaction, be sure that her curiosity is satisfied and make sure she doesn’t feel like she is missing a chance at anything, because she knows she freaked him out. If she gave it a few more seconds of serious thought, she would have completely lost her composure, panicked, and flee the scene, never to be seen again. But she isn’t thinking about all that anymore at the moment, instead relying only on the front she adapted, and smiles again.

“Of course there is a need! A need for me to see you blush! It’s so cute!” She locks her hands behind her back again and sways her hips left and right idly, moving her weight from one leg to another, making her dress and sash ribbon on the back sway along with her. “Yeah, that works for me. And I guess I should share my name, since I keep saying I want to taste you. My name is Kate. Nice to meet you”.

Ingo raises his arm and holds the rim of his hat. Kate has a feeling he is also smiling, though it’s pretty hard for her to tell by his face yet. “The pleasure is all mine, Kate. Please remember, the Subway Bosses are friends, not food”.

Kate giggles again and puts a finger on her cheek. “That will be hard to remember. You look so sweet, I can’t help but want to give you a peck on your cheek! But I’ll try to hold off until we get to that café at least”.

She winks for what feels like a tenth time, and Kate feels that she really needs to wrap this up, as she isn’t sure for how long she can keep this going. She smiles again, this time more mischievously, as she waved at Ingo and begins to leave.

“See you again soon!”

She catches only a glimpse of Ingo waving back at her and mirroring her goodbye with another blush. Kate doesn’t actually need to go anywhere, and is simply walking in a random direction, before changing tracks and going towards the station exit once she was out of Ingo’s line of sight. Only when she is outside the station, in the sunlight and fresh air, does everything suddenly dawns on her.

“What. The fuck”.

She stops in her tracks and stares into the distance, her expression shell-shocked. What in the actual fuck just happened? She just scored a date with that man, didn’t she? What did she… How did she even manage that? She was being absolutely obnoxious, she was sure he’d tell her to fuck off. There’s no way he’s that patient. What is he, a saint? Unless he’s into terrible pick up lines or obnoxious behavior… Oh Arceus, what about all the things she said?! She said all of them without even thinking, because she was sure that would be the only time they speak or see eachother, but now she has to face the consequences of her actions, because she will see him soon enough. On a date.

Maybe she should just… not go? It’s not like they exchanged numbers or anything, neither did he know where she lives. They could both just… forget this ever happened, like a bad dream. Sure, this will haunt her whenever she tries to sleep at night, but… Well, ghosting him like that wouldn’t exactly be great either. But maybe it would be better this way? There’s no way he actually wants to go to a café with her, right?

Despite thinking all that though, Kate searches for her phone in her bag, to write down the time Ingo gave her, before she has the chance to forget it. Once she sets up a reminder, she stares at the clock on her phone screen intensely, as if trying to burn a hole in the poor device. Her heart is racing, her breathing was fast, as if she ran from the subway instead of just walking, and she feels like she’s shaking. The hand she is holding her in phone feels cold, despite the air around her being warm from the sun.

…Maybe she should actually go. If she just runs away now, then all of this cringe would be for nothing – she wouldn’t be able to let go of this, ever. And she does need to interact with more people than just her Pokémon and the cashiers at the grocery store… And it’s not like this would go anywhere too far, right? He’d see he doesn’t actually enjoy being around her that much, they go their separate ways, Kate stops thinking about him every single day, and all of this becomes a slightly less cringy memory for her.

She puts the phone away and walks home, to calm down, think less and maybe eat something. If she thinks about this too much, she might panic and move to a different region altogether again.

Chapter Text

It’s been almost six months since Kate felt alive. Since days passing by didn’t feel like a painful drag and didn’t merge into one, shapeless and colorless blob.

Kate briefly looks up from some video she’s barely watching and at the phone’s clock. Almost three PM. Funny, it felt like she just woke up, yet it’s already almost lunch time. Did time really go by that fast? No, she corrects herself. She woke up just an hour ago, that’s why it felt like it just happened. Because it did.

She sighs and goes back to watching the videos. Everything the man talking about is flying into one of her ears, and then flies out through the other, not staying in her memory at all. If Kate were honest with herself, she can’t even remember what the video is even about without looking at the title once more. The moment her eyes would look away from it though, the topic of the video would immediately be forgotten once more, and the whole video once again will become just white noise that fills the silence of the house.

Kate yawns, her eyelids heavy and threatening to remain closed each time she blinks. It’s very tempting to just go back to sleep, despite it being afternoon, and despite her waking up just an hour or so ago. But she knows she wouldn’t be able to sleep if she tried – it’s also been a long while since sleep came easy to her. Falling asleep is hard, as is waking up, trapping Kate in an indefinite loop of never feeling fully awake. Sleeping has been a problem for as long as she can remember herself, but it became so much worse in the last several months. She’s just so tired…

Or, maybe that’s because she didn’t eat anything yet still. The realization isn’t anything new to Kate, and each time she has it, she is a little disappointed in herself for not realizing it sooner, despite it happening every day at this point. But it’s difficult to remember that she refuses to eat when the feeling of hunger is no longer obvious, replaced by the mix of low energy, headache, emotional low and a faint feeling of being nauseous.

When was the last time she ate, anyway? She woke up for an hour in the morning, just to feed her Pokémon, but didn’t eat herself, and went back to sleep immediately, until it was afternoon. Did she have dinner last night? She can’t remember. She did some taste testing while cooking… Did that count as breakfast?

She needs to eat, at least something, at least a little bit, that much she knows. But that thought isn’t enough to get her out of bed. It would require too much energy, which she does not have. And even more to make something herself, or finding something that she can just grab and eat, of even just sitting down to eat… It isn’t worth it. She doesn’t feel like it.

But her Pokémon also need to eat again soon. And that does feel like something she has to do. She’s already being a terrible trainer by not giving them much stimulation, and limiting their activities to staying at the house and maybe playing in the yard. Kate wouldn’t forgive herself if she starved them too because of her own incompetence.

It takes Kate a few more minutes to simply push herself off the bed and put her phone down. Then a few more minutes to simply stand up. From there it’s a little easier, and she moves in the direction of the kitchen, using her own body weight as the main force that makes her legs move along.

She isn’t even doing that much – simply looking through the fridge and cupboards, and yet every single minute of doing anything than lying down feels like torture somehow.  And it all feels even more torturing when Kate realizes that they ran out of food. Not completely, of course, but out of everything Kate is willing to feed to her team. That bag of emergency kibble looks tempting – she could just open that and not think about food for a few more days, maybe weeks… But just like with getting out of bed, if it’s for her Pokémon, she is unable to lower her standards like that. Maybe if she lived alone, she would have resorted to feeding off the kibble herself. But not her babies.

Kate sighs deeply as she stares at the empty cupboard, as if it would magically get filled with food and free her from the chore of going out. But it didn’t. Offensive, really. She closes the cupboard door and looks around the livingroom, thinking. A wave of guilt washes over her again, for… maybe a hundredth time that month. Maybe. She can’t remember – it’s all a mess of events and feelings in her head.

She has really been neglecting her partners, hasn’t she? Not only could she not remember when was the last time she used them in battle, she hasn’t even taken any of them anywhere out in… Maybe a month. Depends on when was the last time she went out to get food. It’s a good thing she at least lives in a house with a backyard, so her Pokémon could get some fresh air. Not much in terms of exercise… but they do play with eachother there. This isn’t that bad, right?

But she should probably still take someone along with her to the store. At least one. Not just because a change of scenery would be good for them, but for her own sake too. She isn’t sure she would be able to go out otherwise… But she would probably only take one, so she doesn’t get overwhelmed with keeping track of too many things at once.

“Plip?”

Kate looks down and sees her Piplup looking up at her with curiosity. He knows that Kate isn’t getting out of bed much, so it’s always a curious thing when she does. She smiles down at the penguin Pokémon, as much as she can with how exhausted she feels, physically and mentally.

“Hey, Plapp. What do you think about going out for some shopping with me? We could get something tasty together.”

Plapp chirps in joy and jumps, flapping his wings. That makes Kate’s smile a little more genuine, and she almost felt a little happy. Maybe it’s just a reflex to seeing someone else happy though.

“Alright. I’m gonna get dressed then…”

The Piplup chirps joyfully again, while Kate makes her way back to the bedroom. It takes some inner strength to not just drop back onto the bed, and walk towards the closet instead. She opens the door and scans the clothes inside. Her eyes linger on the blue and white dress she got for herself a while ago, before she began to isolate herself. She sighs heavily. She still likes this dress so much; she remembers how excited she was back then to wear it. How happy she was when she saw it at the store. She still thinks it’s really pretty, and she’d love to wear it. But… she knows she can’t. It’s too… open. Too revealing. Too airy – something she would have worn when she feels good. This isn’t the case now. She doubts she’d even be able to force herself to bother with the neck straps and the sash…

Kate reaches out for a simple black shirt and a pair of gray loose pants. Usually she used those as pajama pants, or just an outfit for relaxing at home, but… They look decent enough to be worn to a grocery store trip. She tries to ignore the nagging thought that a few months ago, she would have never worn something like this out in public after she got the money for a decent wardrobe, yet now she’s doing it, because everything else that looks better than that feels wrong on her skin.

She gives her hair a quick brush, not even making the effort to look at herself in the mirror while doing that. If she does, she might change her mind about going out at all. Once she’s ready, Plapp is already waiting for her at the front door.

“Okay, okay, sorry for making you wait…”

The walk to the supermarket is fairly uneventful. Even then, Kate can’t say she’s enjoying it. The sun is too bright and hurts her eyes. The outside world is too loud. But she’s already halfway there, so no point in turning back now. She still needs to buy food anyway.

When Kate approaches the store entrance, she hesitates briefly, before picking her Piplup up and holding him to her chest, like a plush toy. The Pokémon already knows what’s up and doesn’t protest, instead getting comfortable in his trainer’s arms. Kate tries her best to avoid eye contact with security as she takes a shopping cart and dives in between the isles.

At first she goes straight to get the stuff to feed her team with. Plapp’s favorite treats, Comet’s favorite cuts of meat, honey that Vivaldi loves but Kate hates, and so on… After that’s all acquired, she’s about to head for the cashiers, when she is reminded that she didn’t get anything for herself still. Because when he noticed that Kate is about to leave the store, Plapp jumps out of her arms and blocks the way in front of the shopping cart. His determined glare is enough to let Kate know he is not moving away until Kate gets stuff for herself as well. Kate can only sigh. Plapp only returns back into her arms when she turns the cart around to head back to the isles with a casually thrown promise to get something to eat for herself too.

Kate put some fruit and vegetables into the cart as she strolls, not thinking too hard about what exactly she’s getting or if it’s even something she likes, knowing full well she will most likely use it to make food for her team instead anyway.

As Kate is passing an isle with sweet snacks, Plapp jumps out of her arms once again and runs up to one of the shelves, jumping up and down, not able to reach whatever it was that caught his attention. Kate walks over and looks at what her Piplup is trying to get to with his flippers. She recognizes the blue box of cookies she would sometimes get, back when she was still journeying through Alola. She never really noticed any of her Pokémon show much interest in them before though. Kate looks down at Plapp with a puzzled look on her face.

“You want these cookies? Are you sure? You never really liked sweets, and didn’t like these when I let you try one… I already got Oran berries to make your favorite poffins too.”

The Piplup shakes his head rapidly, letting Kate know that she guessed what he meant wrong. She tilts her head.

“Are they… for someone else then?”

Before Kate can begin to try and run through her memory, to try and guess which one of her Pokémon might have acquired a taste for cookies without her knowing, Plapp points his wing at her while chirping in frustration. Kate feels her cheeks grow a bit warm, realizing how easy this should have been for her to understand.

“Oh… you want me to get them for myself?”

Plapp nods, now chirping in joy that he’s been finally understood, but Kate is now even more hesitant about taking the box. “I don’t know… I don’t really feel like it. I probably won’t even eat them before they expire…”

When Plapp jumps higher than he could before, by using the cart as a platform for extra height, grabs the cookie box himself and throws it into the cart with as much force as his tiny body allows, Kate can’t find it in herself to continue arguing. Not that she had the energy for that before anyway. So she simply sighs and leans on the cart handle.

“Alright, alright, I’ll get them if you want me to that much.”

Kate then picks the Piplup up again, now that he isn’t trying to get out of her grip. The part that follows after is the one Kate’s been dreading the most since she left the house – actually paying for her groceries. Because that means she will actually have to talk to another person.

Kate moves the cart towards the cashiers. As much as she doesn’t want to do this, the sooner she gets all of this over with, the sooner she can return home. The closer she approaches her target though, the more she begins to caress Plapp’s fuzz, in a futile attempt to calm herself down.

Her eyes are downcast as she begins to put the items from her cart onto the conveyer belt, purposively avoiding eye contact with the cashier, and generally avoiding looking at them, only throwing a meek “hello” into the space. As the beeps from the cash register start, and the purchases move to the other side of the belt, everything seems to be going well, and the cashier seems to understand that Kate isn’t in the mood for idle chatter, so both of them are silent. Right until they’re about halfway done. As Kate puts a cabbage into one of the bags, the cashier must have taken a closer look at her face, and they suddenly lit up.

“Oh, wait, you’re that trainer who almost became our Champion, right?”

Kate immediately gets stiff, pausing in the middle of putting a pickle jar into the second bag. Her eyes jump around, looking anywhere, except at the cashier. She is completely caught off guard, and is suddenly stressed to the max. It takes her several awkward seconds to find her voice.

“Um… I- I guess…” She says the first thing that comes to mind, just to fill the deafening silence, and immediately curses herself out for it. She should have lied, should have denied it. But now it’s too late, and the cashier is smiling at her with excitement.

“I thought so! Kate, was it? I was following your journey last year. Was really rooting for you. What made you stop? You were so close; you only had the League to challenge!”

Kate bites the inside of her lower lip really hard and keeps chewing on it, hoping it would help with the stress, but so far it’s only making her taste copper instead. She wants so desperately to reach for her Piplup, who’s sitting in the empty shopping cart, and caress his fluff and fidget with his flippers, but her hands are busy, as she’s trying desperately to put all the groceries into bags as fast as possible to get away from here.

“Oh, I… I wasn’t really… planning on becoming a Champion anyway…”

“Oh, really? But why? You were so good, I’m sure taking the Champion role wouldn’t have been too hard of a feat for you!”

Kate feels her cheeks burn like they’re on fire. The more the cashier speaks, the more burning the sensation on Kate’s skin and in her chest is.  She can’t find it in her to look up, so she is scrambling to quickly put all her groceries into the bag almost blindly. When the last jar of a tomato sauce is in the bag, Kate quickly shoves both of her bags into the shopping cart, barely missing Plapp and almost squishing him.

“Sorry, I’m really in a hurry, I need to go, I’m sorry…”

The girl bows her head time and time again as she apologizes over and over, walking away from the cashier and cutting the conversation short, if it could even be called a conversation. She isn’t sure if the cashier tried to keep talking to her, and she doesn’t really want to know. If the answer is yes, it would only make her feel worse.

She makes sure to walk away as far as possible, to the furthest part of the store, before allowing herself to stop and take a deep breath. She didn’t even do that much of anything, yet her heartbeat and breathing are rapid as if she ran a marathon. She doesn’t even realize how tightly she’s gripping the cart handle, until Plapp puts his wing on her whitening knuckles.

“Plip?” His chirping and soft touch are enough to ground Kate and make her feel a little calmer. She looks up at her Pokémon, who’s standing up on the kid’s seat in the cart, and tries to smile at him.

“I’m okay. Don’t worry. I just… don’t feel like talking to anyone today, that’s all”.

It isn’t a complete lie – Kate really doesn’t want to talk to anyone. She hasn’t for many months now. There’s a deeper reason than that, for why she hasn’t wanted to talk with anyone but her Pokémon lately. But she doesn’t even want to think about it. She feels bad – she doesn’t want to talk, much less about stuff that upsets her. Simple as that.

The walk home is a little easier than the walk to the store. Mainly because she knows that at the very end she would be at last in the safety of her house. Although the bags are pretty heavy to carry and are making the walk exhausting. But seeing the way Plapp waddles while walking in front of her is big moral support and keeps Kate’s mood from sinking to completely garbage level.

Kate feels like simply dropping the bags and lying down on the floor when she finally makes it home. But there are at least three fragile glass jars in the bags, so she forces herself to bring them to the kitchen to place them gently on the counter instead, all the while her Drifblim, Roserade and Luxray surround her with excitement and waiting to see what their trainer brought them from the store.

“Okay, okay, give me space, please. Or I’ll drop the bags.”

She sighs once the weight is off her hands, and her body immediately carries her to the bedroom. She has spent enough time in regular clothes for a week, now she wants to be back in her pajamas. The anticipation of being dressed in something comfortable and not feeling self-conscious about how she looks is what gives Kate the energy to take off all the layers of clothes and put the effort into getting dressed again.

…Why is it taking so much effort and energy? It used to be so much easier, to the point she never paid that much attention to the process. Now she can remember almost every single time in like the last several months, because every time it’s a struggle. Maybe it’s because she still hasn’t eaten yet – she did feel very weak and exhausted already… She’s been feeling like this for a pretty long time now. Pretty much ever since she stopped caring about eating.

…How did her starving herself even begin? She isn’t sure she would even remember anymore. It just kind of… started happening one day, after… What did happen?

The whole time she’s thinking of this, Kate is standing undressed in the middle of the bedroom, stuck in one spot, in the same pose. She looks up and turns her head, her eyes landing on her own reflection in the big mirror that’s on the closet’s sliding door. It’s been so long since she’s actually took a look at herself in the mirror, that it takes her a moment to recognize her own reflection.

Is that… her? She remembers having much shorter and more wavy hair. Since when did it get this long? It doesn’t even look as curly as it used to because of how unwashed it is. How long has it been since she washed it? Or cut it? And her body is… She’s never been exactly stout before, but she’s pretty sure she wasn’t able to see her own bones sticking through her skin when she’s just standing there before. She has always been pale, but never to the point of her skin looking like she covered herself in chalk, like it is now…

Did she seriously go out, looking like this? Was that what people saw today when they looked at her?

She can’t bear to look at herself anymore and turns away, in a hurry to put her pajamas on again. The desire to go back to bed and not get up for the rest of the day at the very least is very strong, but Kate pushes herself to go back to the kitchen. Most of the groceries aren’t perishable and don’t need to be put away to the fridge, but some do. Besides, all of this was so that she could finally make lunch for her team. So she can’t rest just yet.

The whole process feels like an awful drag, and Kate runs out of patience before all the vegetables are put away into the fridge, so all the jars, cans, pasta boxes and other non-perishables are left on the kitchen counter, to be used. One day. They’re easier to access like this anyway. Kate walks on autopilot as she grabs the ingredients she needs to make a simple enough meal and begins to prepare them. She zones out while cutting cabbage, but is brought back to reality by a light tap on her arm, just before the knife in her hand gets dangerously close to her fingers. She turns her head and sees her Blissey looking at her with a slightly stern look. Too stern for her Pokémon species, honestly. Then again, when was it any different with Sakura?

“Hey. Do you want something?”

Sakura frowns, as if scandalized that preventing her trainer from chopping her fingers off is not decent enough reason for Kate. But the Blissey does have another reason, apparently, and Kate can guess that by the egg the Pokémon is holding up for her.

“Oh, you want me to take that?” Kate takes the egg from the Blissey without needing to wait for a conformation. This isn’t something out of the ordinary – Sakura has been giving Kate her eggs often when the girl is cooking, insisting very adamantly that she takes them. Kate isn’t sure what prompted Sakura to suddenly start doing that so often, for a few weeks now, but she isn’t complaining. It does help with maintaining the team’s decent nutrient intake.

“Thank you, Sakura. I think I’ll make an omelet with it again then…”

She puts the egg on the counter to take care of it later, but the Blissey doesn’t seem to be going to step away anytime soon. Not only that, but she seems to be even more pissed somehow. That’s new. It’s hard to muster up much will to care, but Kate pretends to as much as she can as she tilts her head.

“What? You think something else would be better?”

Sakura produces some frustrated noises and nudges Kate’s arm again, this time more forcefully. Kate has a vague idea of what her Pokémon is trying to communicate, but pretends not to.

“I’m not sure what you mean… If you’re asking when the lunch is ready, then it should be in about an hour.”

Sakura nudges Kate even harder and produces even more frustrated yelps, and the trainer rolls her eyes, unable to ignore the wordless message anymore.

“Okay, okay, I get it. I’ll eat too, I promise…”

The Blissey doesn’t look too convinced by the promise, but stops with the protest anyway. After giving Kate another suspicious look, she decides to trust the girl and moves away, allowing Kate to continue cooking in peace. With a sigh, she does just that. She hates lying, and making empty promises used to be something Kate considered one of the biggest lies one can tell, and she would have never done something like that before. But now, she isn’t sure she’d have the energy or the appetite to eat when she’s eventually done. But she also hates worrying her Pokémon, so the lie just felt too natural to not say.

A mix between a soup and a stew, along with an omelet made with the Blissey egg, are done in around an hour and served to all six Pokémon. Kate smiles as she watches her team eat and briefly considers grabbing a plate of soup for herself, at least the broth. But her stomach cramps at the idea of eating, and she quickly dismisses the thought and slowly walks back to her bedroom, ready to crawl back into the bed at last. At least until it’s time to feed the team dinner.

The bed feels like a warm but soulless embrace when Kate gets into it. The blanket is wrapped around her like she’s a burrito, and the phone in her hand feels somewhat comforting, in a routine kind of way. They don’t actually make her feel good, but at least she feels safe from the scary and judgmental eyes of the outside world. The promises to eat something are completely forgotten when Kate’s phone is in her hand again, and she falls back into mindless scrolling. Even though she isn’t paying attention to what’s on the screen, and she isn’t even able to remember what she watched just two seconds ago, it helps turn the brain off and not think about anything. Like about what she saw in the mirror. Or the conversation with the cashier. Or of the memories about what started this whole thing. Or the pain in her stomach and slight nausea probably caused by prolonged hunger.

It feels like not enough time passed when Kate feels the blanket getting stepped on by tiny feet and give under the light weight. The tiny creature swiftly climbs on her and makes it to her face. Kate turns her head just enough to see who it is, and she’s not surprised at all to see Plapp.

“Hey”. She sounds completely unenthusiastic, almost like she’s about to fall asleep any second. The concern on Plapp’s face is very obvious though, and Kate recognizes it easily, even in this state.

“Pip-piplup!” The Piplup pulls on his trainer’s hand, fully aware he’s not strong enough to pull the human out of bed, but he just wants to communicate the message at the very least. He is successful at that, and Kate looks away in shame.

“…I don’t really want to eat right now. Sorry. Maybe later…”

The Pokémon gives Kate a frustrated look, but surprisingly doesn't argue, and instead hops off the bed altogether and leaves the bedroom. It’s a surprisingly passive reaction from Plapp, but Kate doesn’t focus on that, turning her attention back on her phone. What’s with everyone starting to try and get her to eat again all of a sudden? It’s been months since it’s been happening that often.

The newly established peace turns out to be short-lived though, because pretty soon Sakura enters the bedroom now instead. Her face looks pissed, even more so than when Kate was cooking, and she’s holding what looks like a pretty big piece of the omelet Kate made earlier for the team. Kate can tell that Plapp went and told on her to the Blissey. Or maybe she sent Plapp to ask Kate if she was planning on eating lunch like she promised earlier, or not. Little traitor. Kate is surprised though when she sees Mamoru also entering the bedroom. What does he want?

Kate sighs, already anticipating having to tell the two Pokémon once again that she’s fine and will just eat later. Before she can even open her mouth though, Sakura points at her and produces a very determined yell, and as soon as she does, Mamoru bolts towards Kate, pinning her down to bed by her wrists. The phone flies out of the girl’s hand, and all she can do is yelp in shock.

“I- What? Mamoru, what are you doing?!” Her voice is panicked, as for a moment she feels like her Pokémon have finally had enough and decided to become trainer-less by force, in hopes that someone else would adopt them. Someone who can actually take care of themselves and them. But no actual bite or any other assault came. Instead, once the Lucario is sure Kate is completely immobile and not going anywhere, he turns his head and growls at the Blissey. The pink Pokémon walks closer to the bed. Kate can see the omelet in her hand, and she can also see that piece is getting put to her mouth.

Kate almost opens her mouth to protest, but quickly realizes that it’s the opposite of what she wants to do, and she shuts it tight instead. As Blissey points the omelet at her mouth, Kate simply keeps turning her head away, not letting the food go further than her lips. Sakura is very stubborn, but Kate is even more so, and the Pokémon’s stubby arms can’t do much to make sure their trainer actually eats. Mamoru’s hands are busy, so he can’t exactly help either.

The pout on the Blissey’s face looks almost comical, and Kate would have found it funny, if she weren’t busy pouting as well. Somewhere deep down, she knows that what her Pokémon are doing is just trying to help and take care of her, since she won’t do it. But the whole interaction is making her unreasonably upset, to the point she feels like she might cry if this continues.

Realizing that this isn’t going anywhere, Sakura steps away from the bed and walks to the door. Kate wonders if she’s given up, and if that’s the case, why isn’t Mamoru letting her go still. Both questions are answered when Sakura calls out to someone from the bedroom, and in floats the Drifblim. While Sakura is seemingly explaining what she wants from Ribbon, Kate looks up, as much as she can in her position, to try and address the Lucario holding her down.

“Mamoru, please let me go, I promise I’ll eat later.” Kate whispers to the Pokémon, hoping he would listen to her, but it seems that Kate has lied and made empty promises too many times, and all the Lucario does is growl at her to keep quiet and not try to get out of this. Kate whines pathetically at that, and when she sees that the rest of Kate’s team slip into the bedroom, just to watch the commotion and see whether the attempt to make her eat will work this time around, she knows she cannot get out of this anymore.

The Piplup, the Roserade and the Luxray all watch with great interest as Mamoru holds Kate down on the bed, while Ribbon uses her psychic powers to levitate the cold piece of omelet to Kate’s mouth, and Sakura just stands there and watches, supervising the whole process from the sidelines. Kate can no longer simply move her head away, as the levitation makes force feeding much easier for the Pokémon. All Kate can do is keep her mouth shut as tightly as she can. But soon enough even that is no longer working. The Pokémon realize that what they’re doing is still not enough, and aid comes soon enough – Comet jumps onto the bed as well and takes Mamoru’s place in keeping Kate pinned down. Usually she would be able to lift the Luxray up, but the last time she’s done it was almost half a year ago, when she wasn’t so frail and wasn’t starving herself yet. The big feline Pokémon doesn’t let her move, while the Lucario uses his now free arms to force Kate to open her mouth. The moment there’s a big enough opening, the omelet piece gets forced right in, and then Kate’s mouth is forced to close instead, so there’s not a chance she’s spitting it out.

Kate produces a hum through her clenched teeth, which sounds vaguely like a complaint. But no matter how much she struggles, the omelet in her mouth melts and goes down her throat. Damn her good cooking skills.

When Mamoru is sure that the food went down the hatch, he lets go of Kate’s face, and following suit, Comet gets off of her. Now Kate can move and she sits up, giving everyone in the room an angry glance, hoping her eyes aren’t looking watery.

“What the hell, guys?! Was that necessary?!”

A chorus of different noises that are all addressed to her and all sound frustrated, somehow. Kate humphs and crosses her arms.

“Well, happy now? Did you get what you wanted?”

Another wave of Pokémon chatter sounds way more enthusiastic than Kate expected. All she can do in response is sigh, pull the blanket over herself and lay down again.

“Alright, fine. Glad you’re happy. Can I go back to resting now?” That sounded way more salty than Kate intended, and she immediately feels ashamed of reacting like this to her own Pokémon doing whatever they can to make sure she stays alive, but she is too ashamed and stubborn to apologize, so she simply waits under the blanket, until her whole team leave the bedroom. Once everyone leaves and Kate hears the bedroom door close, she removes the blanket from her face and sighs. The phone is already in her face to drown out the unpleasant feeling in her chest.

This time though, mindless scrolling is interrupted once again, by something different – an almost painful spasm in her stomach. Kate tries to ignore it, but that single piece of omelet managed to awaken the feeling that’s been dormant this whole time. She’s actually really fucking hungry.

For the first time in months, Kate can’t ignore the feeling of wanting to eat, which is now so bad, it can be compared to an awful itch – no matter how much you try to ignore it, you can’t. When Kate’s mind begins to fill with the thoughts of what she’d eat right now, and when she comes across a video of someone cooking mac-and-cheese, she realizes she can’t just lay here anymore. Despite not having any energy just fifteen minutes ago, the urge pushes Kate to hastily get out of bed and head to the kitchen.

Cooking something, or even ordering takeout, sounds like it would take too much time – Kate’s mind is screaming that she needs to eat, and she needs to eat now. The first thing Kate’s eyes fall on is a box of the cookies Plapp made her get earlier. The cardboard is immediately and hastily torn apart, and the whole box of quick snacks is emptied in less than five minutes.

The overwhelming sweetness of the cookies lingers unpleasantly in Kate’s mouth, and her gums ache a little from eating so much crunchy food after not having any for so long, but none of this matter, because the ache in her stomach is subdued. Kate trashes the empty packaging away and is ready to return to the bedroom, until she realizes she’s not satisfied yet. She’s not hungry anymore, and isn’t in pain, but she still can’t stop thinking about food. And the sweetness that lingers makes Kate realize how much she wants something savory instead, more than anything.

After devouring the whole box of cookies, Kate now has some energy and patience to actually cook something. And she just happens to get a big block of cheese and a few boxes of macaroni when out shopping, so the choice is obvious the moment Kate’s eyes fall on the pasta that’s still on the kitchen counter, not even out of the shopping bag still.

Soon enough, Kate is sitting at the table, shoving the lazy mac-and-cheese (literally just freshly boiled pasta with pieces of cheese and finished off in the microwave to melt it) into her mouth, eating right out of the tray she cooked it in. She’s not starving anymore, so her actions are not as fast and desperate as when she was eating cookies, and she has to slow down even more when a lump gets stuck somewhere between her throat and stomach, after not allowing herself to pause while shoving the macaroni in, until the food goes down properly. Kate finishes half the tray by the time she feels stuffed and like she genuinely can’t eat anymore.

As Kate is eating, she notices Sakura approach her with a proud, maybe even a little smug, smile on her simple face. Kate can understand what her Pokémon is thinking without any words needed and gives her Blissey an unamused look.

“Don’t say anything.”

Sakura laughs in response and leaves, satisfied with how her plan worked. Once alone, Kate’s gaze falls back down on the unfinished tray in front of her, and she mindlessly pokes at a loose macaroni, not in a hurry to put the rest away for later.

It’s been so long since she’s eaten properly. It feels almost unusual now, but she can already feel the effects. Not only is her stomach no longer hurting as if she has a gaping hole inside of her, but she feels like getting up to do something doesn’t feel like such a draining chore anymore. And she no longer feels like she’s freezing all the time, so while the desire to go back to bed is still there, it’s no longer all she can think about while out of the bedroom. If anything, she doesn’t feel like going back to bedroom at all just yet… She isn’t necessarily sure what she wants to do instead, but that’s a start.

This feels so easy. Why did she even fall into this hole of misery anyway? She loves food, always did. Not that long ago, she would often eat almost anything she’d get her hands on, since she still remembers the times when food was scarce.

Kate goes back to the bedroom, to fetch her phone and… well, she will think later of what she wants to do. She closes the video hosting site, not wanting to fall back into scrolling. She opens a messenger instead, remembering that she should probably respond to her friend, who’s in Kalos at the moment. She remembers he messaged her a few times in the last few months, and she ignored him, because she felt weirdly anxious about talking to anyone, even a best friend she hasn’t seen in years, even in the form of texting. She should probably let him know she isn’t dead and ask how his medical school has been going…

As Kate opens the messenger, she deflates a little, and feels the sick feeling in her chest return. She sees the unread messages from her best friend first, but her eyes slide down to other chats, and she sees the familiar faces she wishes now she didn’t.

Right… That’s why she ended up in this state. Kate sighs and presses on her friend’s chat, to write a few messages and reassure him that she did not drown while Mantine surfing. But as she writes the response that’s several months late, her mind is still occupied with her… other… No. Just the people she used to know. Calling them friends would make her feel depressed again. She doubts they would want her to think of them as friends anyway.

Kate sighs again and hides her face in her hands, rubbing her nose. Now she realizes why she ended up like this. She was so stressed when everything happened; it was like she was completely paralyzed. She didn’t feel like she can cook, she couldn’t eat, she couldn’t enjoy all the things she likes, because no matter what she was doing, her mind would still go back to what happened why it happened, what she could have done differently to prevent this, what it made her remember… But after months of torturing herself, after months of trying to cope with the sudden flood of negative emotions and horrible stress she couldn’t even talk to anyone about, and after finally getting pulled out of this misery, at least a little, she realizes that… no friends would do something like this. Even if she did do something wrong. No real friends would do something like that, and no people like that deserve to have her torture herself like this over them.

Kate pulls her hand back and grimaces, looking at how shiny it is in disgust. Arceus, she’s so oily… She saw it in the mirror earlier too, but actually feeling it is different. Now she knows what she wants to do – take a long hot shower.

The hot water feels heavenly on her skin, and scrubbing her scalp is the most pleasurable action she’s taken in months. Twenty minutes later, and she is drying herself with a towel, feeling even happier than after she finally ate something more nutritious than a piece of bread. It’s been so long since she’s actually enjoyed a shower, rather than just getting a quick rinse at best, whenever the uncomfortable feelings and smells would overpower the apathy.

As she looks in the bathroom mirror at herself, she cringes. She still can’t believe how thin she looks, and how she can just see her own bones poking out… But she actually only just realizes how much her hair has grown as well. Usually she keeps her hair relatively short – it’s just much more convenient, and it annoys her whenever it gets to her shoulders. Now though, it’s somehow gotten so long, it’s already past the annoying shoulder length, where its ends poke her skin. It feels weird. She’s never had long hair like this. She takes some of her locks between her fingers, feeling them and how they look when finally clean. Cutting her hair in a proper way takes time, effort and focus, so she doesn’t really feel like doing that at the moment…

Kate knows immediately what she wants to do next the moment she leaves the bathroom and puts on a fresh set of pajamas. Her bed sheets are old and gross, and she finally feels it now that she’s clean, and her standards get elevated the moment her state improves a little. They need to be changed, and old ones need to go into the laundry bin. Speaking of – the bin is full with dirty clothes, and now the bed sheets as well. She seriously needs to do some washing. And now that she thinks about it, the whole house is kind of a mess – dust and dirt everywhere, as is hair and fur, and some lose trash that she doesn’t even remember where it came from or how long it’s been there…

Kate ends up spending the rest of the day cleaning the whole house. Sheets, laundry, furniture, floor, laundry again… It’s so much cleaning after months of neglect, but as the progress becomes visible, Kate feels the satisfaction of accomplishment as well. By the time she’s done, it’s already getting dark outside, and she feels very much exhausted… And also very hungry. Kate tries to keep in mind how nice it felt to eat earlier today, so she doesn’t accidentally go back to how she was before by ignoring the hunger again. She doesn’t have the energy to cook anything, and she doesn’t really want the mac-and-cheese again, so for tonight she opts for takeout. Her Pokémon deserved a treat after everything they did too anyway.

When the food gets there and when her team begins to enjoy their own meals. Kate feels like she’s in heaven. She got simple karaage and white rice for herself, nothing too special. Yet it feels like the most delicious meal she’s ever had in her life. She’s almost crying with her mouth full. It tastes amazing, it feels amazing in her stomach too, and the orange juice she uses to wash it down with feels perfect… It’s a wonder how little she needs to feel happy at the moment. That, and the clean environment definitely help her feel good too.

Eventually the day comes to an end, and Kate heads to her clean and fresh bed. It feels so good, her body instantly relaxes and melts into the matters. Though a proper meal and half a day of physical activity must have helped as well. She feels Plapp climb on top of her blanket, and Kate puts a hand on her Pokémon’s back and caresses his fluff, looking at him with a soft smile. The Piplup hasn’t seen his trainer smile so genuinely in a long while, and the sight is something he appreciates. Kate can tell that by his expression and by his soft and happy chirp. That in turn makes her smile even more and get more comfortable.

When the morning comes and Kate wakes up again, she doesn’t feel like she wants to eat. Instead, she has the same feeling of slight nausea again, and it’s very tempting to just stay in bed and maybe do something on her phone. But she powers through and pushes herself off the bed and makes breakfast. She slowly gets the appetite while the bread is sizzling on the pan before her, and the smell of grilled cheese and ham help her not forget that food is good.

After feeding her team and having breakfast herself, Kate finds herself a little unsure of what to do with herself. She already did all of the chores that she had backed up yesterday, and she doesn’t feel like going outside for anything. After not being able to come up with anything, Kate gives up and goes back to bed, allowing her laziness to win and scroll some videos, just for a little bit. At least that’s how she tries to convince herself of that. But not even a few minutes into relaxing, Mamoru comes into the bedroom and approaches her with a purposeful look in his eyes. The Lucario growls something at Kate and she looks up from her phone.

“Hm?” She can tell that Mamoru wants something from her, but she’s not sure yet what exactly. The Lucario growls again and points in the direction of the door, then makes some movements that look vaguely like exercise. Kate nods, now understanding, though still not quite sure why her Pokémon came to tell her that.

“Okay, have fun then. You know the front door is unlocked, you can go outside too if you want.”

Kate looks back down at her phone, but doesn’t even have a second to focus on the screen once more, because she feels a pretty rough shove at her ribs and hears a louder growl and a bark from Mamoru. Kate groans in pain and looks up again, now a little annoyed.

“Hey! What gives?”

The Lucario barks a few times, now addressing Kate harsher than before, pointing at her, and then at the door again. Kate frowns.

“Huh? Uh, no, thank you. I don’t really want to…” She buries herself into the blanket, but that doesn’t save her from getting pulled out of the bed with a strong paw. She only has enough time to yelp and make sure the phone flying out of her hand lands on the soft mattress, and not the hard floor. She barely scrambles to her feet though, so that she doesn’t get dragged like a doll.

“Fine, I’m coming! I’m coming!” Kate says, with some clear annoyance and exasperation, but that’s the extent of her protest. She doesn’t try to fight Mamoru in any way; she’s aware how stubborn he is, she raised him from an egg. She knows it’s easier to just go along for now, so he leaves her alone afterwards.

The Lucario leads her in the middle of the livingroom and takes a stand after letting go off Kate’s hand. He growls once more, not as harsh and commanding as just a few seconds before, but still showing he will not take any protest as an answer. Kate takes a stance, and begins to repeat a warm-up exercise after Mamoru, as he does them all while staring at her intensely, to make sure she follows along.

The exercise session is nothing hard – just a few simple warm-up exercises, along with some squats and pushups. So much movement is still not something Kate is used to though, so by the time they’re done, she’s breathing heavily and feels warn out.

Lucario closes his eyes and nods, crossing his arms on his chest, with a soft satisfied gruff. Kate feels relieved as she lays on the floor, breathing heavily after doing twenty pushups. She eventually stands up, feeling her legs shake from not being used to so much action after not getting used much for almost half a year, and Kate doesn’t even have any energy to voice her annoyance. She doesn’t have the energy to even feel annoyed.

“I’m going back to bed now…” That’s as much as she can manage, and she drags herself back to bed, to not move for the rest of the day. Mamoru lets her go at last, and Kate brings herself to the soft blanket with a deep sigh once again. She no longer feels bad for scrolling through videos on her phone – the rest actually feels earned.

Kate does briefly wonder if Mamoru actually wanted her to join him for his daily exercise, or if it was all set up specifically for her, so she gets at least some movement that day. Usually the Lucario doesn’t do these simple exercises, since they don’t actually do that much for him… Kate doesn’t like the way that thought makes her feel, and she drowns it out with the short videos she ends up watching for a few hours.

All of that was a start of a long process of solely getting back to a selectively normal life. First it’s the small things – get at least a little movement every day, even if Kate doesn’t go outside and spends the rest of the day in bed. Eating three meals a day, even if they’re not too big or aren’t always the most healthy – Kate considers any eaten meal at all as a small win. At first her Pokémon would have to make sure she does all these things. As the time goes on though, she needs to rely on them less, and starts to take the initiative. She feels her overall state get a little better by the time she doesn’t have to rely on her partners at least half the time to give her a motivating kick.

The days she would feel worse and the intrusive thoughts would force her to shut down once more, her Pokémon would no longer have it and let her mope – they would collaborate and force her to eat something. Mamoru and Ribbon learned how to use the stove, and would fry up one of Sakura’s eggs to feed Kate, to make sure she eats and to make her feel good, since Sakura’s eggs tend to have good effect on Kate’s mental state after she eats some.

It was taking a while. Some days were harder than others. At that point, not because anything in particular was happening, but simply because neglect became the norm for Kate, and it’s very hard to break these habits. But as days, weeks, and months passed by, living became much more bearable. Some days were good even, and Kate could genuinely enjoy existing.

It isn’t enough, however. Just getting though the days, feeling like just eating properly is an accomplishment in itself – it’s not enough to feel like what Kate is doing is not pointless. Maybe her team helps her feel like she isn’t completely isolated from the world, and not like she could stop existing one day, and nothing would change at all. But Kate realizes that to not feel like her existence is a drag on the world and herself, she needs something to be excited about. The problem is actually finding something to be excited about again…

The chance finds itself when Kate wasn’t looking for it, and it’s the answer she already knew, but didn’t anticipate anyway.

Kate is eating breakfast, after experimenting a little with ingredients. The omelet she made has tomatoes, mushrooms, cheese, and a few herbs like basil. The more she remembers how good food can be, the more she wants to experiment. What ingredients can she put together and what combination would be the best? How many good combinations are there? Which ones would she like the best? Which would her Pokémon prefer? Kate has been cooking meals since she’s been small, but cooking while on the road puts many limitations on what she can do. This is actually the first kitchen she has full access to, as well as being able to cook without having serious financial limitations.

Kate is eating breakfast, enjoying the probably unholy amount of additional ingredients for an omelet, scrolling through the phone. She isn’t looking for anything specific, but she is keeping an eye out for anything that might catch her interest. There are so many things people film videos about; something is bound to get excited about it. Besides, after she began getting more into cooking, she’s been getting more videos about it, with all sorts of recipes, of various difficulty, that she collects to try later herself.

Kate scrolls through the short videos, reminding herself to take a bite after each video at least, so the food doesn’t grow cold. As she is finishing her breakfast, her attention is completely captured by the new video she gets recommended. It’s a travelling blog of a person, who tries different foods around the world, concentrated in just sixty seconds that the video format allows. Kate has seen this creator’s videos before, enjoying them mostly for the showcase of all kinds of restaurant and street foods she isn’t always familiar with. This specific video, however, has Kate’s full attention, she even pauses mid taking a bite off the fork.

This specific video is all about going to different restaurants in the Paldea region, as well as trying out food from different street vendors. All of it looks and sounds delicious, but what catches Kate’s attention the most has to be the scenery that appears for just a few frames, before the video focuses on the food once more.

There’s scenery of vast rolling fields of grass that also opens the view of the brilliant blue ocean, as well as the scenery of the beautiful Mesagoza – the heart of the region.

The views of the beautiful nature cause Kate’s chest to ache. This reminds her so much of her home region. Sinnoh is also a very green place, with most of the areas being wild. Even the biggest cities somehow feel like they’re one with nature, Jubilife and Hearthome being quiet and calm, and Veilstone being merged with the rocky terrain it was built on, instead of trying to change it. The view of the endless grass makes her feel so nostalgic. Alola is also very beautiful, but being a group of islands, it just feels different.

And the architecture of the Mesagoza is gorgeous. Even through the tiny phone screen can’t fully translate the beauty of a place, only seeing a few frames that show it off make Kate freeze and awe. If this is the effect seeing it in passing has on her, how would she feel if she saw it in person…?

The moment Kate thinks about this, it immediately dawns on her. Of course. She should have thought about this ages ago. She needs a change of scenery. This was what helped her to reignite herself a year or so ago, when she came to Alola from Sinnoh for the first time. Besides, running away has always been her solution to most problems, and it hasn’t failed her yet… It’s been a long while since she experienced that feeling of discovering something new.

Plus, Paldea seems like an ideal place for food tourism. And what’s better way to help with an eating disorder than falling in love with food all over again?

Two weeks later, Kate and her team are on their way to make new discoveries and remind the girl she still has many beautiful experiences to have.

Chapter Text

Kate should have probably expected that the area, where a wind-powered power plant was built, literally called Valley Windworks, would be pretty windy. Yet somehow she only thought about that when the sharp wind began to hit her face, making it a bit hard for her to breathe, and made her eyes water.

The young girl grumbles in annoyance as she’s trying to get the map in her hands to stay still. At least still enough for her to actually read it, but the wind is really out to annoy her. The Piplup on her shoulder chirps in an annoyed and impatient tone, mimicking his trainer, and the young girl can only sigh.

“I know, I know, but I need to see this first. The Eterna Forest is far away, I need to know the exact route, or we’ll get lost again…”

Plapp chirps again, quietly this time, but doesn’t argue anymore, letting the twelve year old try and figure things out on her own. It’s not like the Pokémon knows how to read maps anyway. Kate sighs again and resumes her battle with the map against the wind.

She already got fed up with the futile battle and held the middle of the map with both hands, and shoving her face into it, to see at least something and hopefully find the route she needs to keep to, in order to not get lost before she even reaches the biggest forest in Sinnoh. She is not paying much attention to her surroundings and relies on Plapp to let her know if something needs to be looked at. He never does though, and suddenly she feels something grab her shoulder. Kate yells in shock, probably louder than appropriate, even when startled.

Kate turns her head, eyes wide in fear, to where she felt someone grab her, expecting to see some weird adult and prepares to throw hands, but it turns out to not be a human at all. At first, Kate thinks it’s a balloon that somehow got attached to her arm. But the hold is too tight to be accidental, and when Kate notices that the balloon is staring right back at her with small black eyes, looking almost as startled as the girl herself, she realizes that it must be some sort of Pokémon. A non-aggressive one. Hopefully.

“Oh… hello there.” When the initial shock fades away, Kate finds her voice and addresses the unidentified Pokémon with a calm voice, while her heart gradually slows down. Hopefully her voice doesn’t shake. “Did you want something?”

The balloon looking Pokémon doesn’t answer and simply keeps staring at the girl, which makes her feel a little awkward, and she looks away. The Piplup on her shoulder chirps, addressing the uninvited visitor. Kate makes sure to give him a small unamused glance, because he didn’t warn her that someone was approaching, but it gets ignored. The purple balloon Pokémon answers this time, and produces a sound Kate can only compare to two balloons getting rubbed against eachother. While the two Pokémon communicate about something, Kate gets the Pokedex from her coats pocket and looks up information about the Pokémon, who seems to be dead set on not letting go off her arm.

A Drifloon. Ghost and Flying type, and not very good at navigating through strong winds.

“Holds onto trees to not get blown away too far, huh…” Kate says quietly to herself. Then her face lights up in recognition. “Oh! Are you holding onto me to not get blown away?”

A pretty logical conclusion, considering they’re in an open area with strong winds, and there doesn’t really seem to be any trees nearby. The Drifloon makes the funny sound again. Kate can’t quite understand what it means yet, so she looks at her partner on her shoulder for help. Plapp nods with a chirp, and Kate knows that she had guessed right. She turns back to the balloon Pokémon and smiles.

“It’s okay then, you can hold onto me, if you want to! Um… We were going towards the Eterna Forest though. It has many trees, and it shouldn’t be windy there, but it’s pretty far away. Do you want to join us? Or do you need to be somewhere else?”

The Drifloon answers something, and Kate has to consult Plapp once again for him to translate to her. She wasn’t very good in understanding what unfamiliar Pokémon try to communicate a lot of the time, and this Drifloon doesn’t seem to be very expressive either. Her Piplup, however, Kate understands as if he spoke human language, and from what he tells her, it seems that the balloon Pokémon would appreciate a small lift.

“Okay! Then we’ll get you to the forest, and from there you can keep travelling to wherever you were going before.”

Kate says cheerfully, before remembering that she still needs to consult the unruly map in her hands and sighs in annoyance, putting her face into the piece of paper, praying it doesn’t get taken away by a strong gust of wind.

When the battle against the wind and the map is eventually won in Kate’s favor, she puts it away, and begins to walk in the appropriate direction, with her ace partner on one shoulder, and the little ghost passenger on the other, holding tightly onto her.

The way to the forest is long and grueling, since it lies through a very rocky area, being pretty close to Mt. Coronet and all. Kate meets many trainers on her way, and gets through several battles, with the Drifloon acting as the spectator, while having its strings wrapped around the girl’s shoulder. Several trainers question why Kate isn’t keeping the ghost Pokémon in battle and act pretty surprised when she mentions the Drifloon is actually not hers, and is instead a wild one.

“Do you like Sitrus berries?” Kate asks the Drifloon as they pass a bridge over a river. “I have some Sitrus berry candy I got from Floaroma town…”

Kate produces a small clear bag from her pocket, takes out one small yellow and orange candy out of it and offers one to the balloon Pokémon. “They’re pretty good! Do you want one?”

The Drifloon accepts the candy, putting its mouth to Kate’s fingers and the candy disappears into the darkness. The Pokémon makes what Kate assumes to be a happy sound, and she smiles.

“I know, right?”

The Piplup on her other shoulder chirps in protest, hitting her cheek with his flipper. Not strong enough to actually hurt her, but just enough to be annoying.

“Alright, alright, fine.” She reaches for another candy and hands it to Plapp, who happily plucks it. Kate can only roll her eyes. “You don’t even like sweets…” She pops another candy into her mouth and puts the rest away. She then looks at the Drifloon again, and notices that it seems more cheerful than it was before. Kate wasn’t really able to read the balloon Pokémon before, but now she can actually tell some things by its eyes. She can’t help but reach out to it and cup its form with her hand. She is just too curious about the texture of the Pokémon, and it doesn’t seem like it would mind.

“You’re actually really cute!” She says without really thinking much. The texture really does remind her of a balloon, just a much thicker one. One that would not pop so easily. “You’re like a birthday party balloon! Except you could also wish someone a happy birthday, probably. By wishing it out loud, I mean, instead of it being written on you.”

It’s unclear whether the Drifloon actually understands what the compliment means, even Kate herself doesn’t fully understand what she meant exactly. She just says what comes to her head. But the Pokémon seems flattered anyway, and squeaks, quieter than before. Kate can swear that if it was a mammal Pokémon, she would have been able to see it blush a little.

A sudden gust of wind, stronger than all the ones before it, catching the Drifloon, the Piplup and Kate off guard. The balloon Pokémon must have weakened its hold on the girl’s arm. The sudden breeze makes it slip off, and the Pokémon is suddenly getting taken away, but Kate reaches out fast and grabs onto the Pokémon’s strings.

“Careful!” Kate holds onto the Drifloon, until the wind calms down a little, and it no longer feels like the Pokémon is about to get ripped out of her hands. Once things calm down, Kate pulls the Pokémon back to her and lets it wrap its strings around her shoulder once again, this time more tightly. She cups its round body with her palm again and rubs it gently with her thumb, in a comforting gesture.

“Hold on tight from now on, okay? I don’t want you to get lost.”

The Drifloon answers with a quiet squeak and a hum again, and Kate can swear it looks away as if it’s feeling bashful. But she decides it’s probably just her imagination and inability to read the unfamiliar Pokémon species’ body language yet.

It takes almost a whole day, but by the time the sun begins to set and the sky changes its color from blue to vibrant pinks and purples, they finally see the path take them to the entrance of the Eterna Forest.

“Look! We’re here!” Kate points excitedly at the bath that leads into the thick darkness that the trees make. Plapp and the Drifloon cheers excitedly along with her, both happy that they have all finally reached their destination point, after walking so much, and without getting lost. The wind has calmed down as well, and the forest looks like it spreads tranquility throughout itself and to the areas around it.

Kate approaches the closes tree and looks at the balloon Pokémon with a smile.  “Here, as promised! There are many trees here, so you can grab them if you need to. But the wind has gone down, so you should be okay without them too now.”

The Drifloon looks at the nearby tree as well, and seemingly hesitates. Kate tilts her head and is about to ask what’s wrong, but the Pokémon finally untangles itself from her shoulder and floats over to the tree instead. It doesn’t attach itself to it, though. It simply stares at it for a few seconds, before turning to look at the girl and coos happily once more. Kate takes it as the Pokémon being satisfied and smiles.

“It was fun. Hope you manage to get wherever it was you wanted to go to.”

The girl waves goodbye and turns around, to look around the forest borders and see where would be a better place to set up a camp for the night. Kate walks around, looking for a more flat ground to place a tent, away from the main path. A few minutes of searching later, the Piplup on her shoulder taps her head to grab her attention, and when she turns to look at him, he points behind her. Kate turns around and is surprised to see the same Drifloon they just left at the forest, simply floating there, staring at her with small black eyes. Kate would have found this a bit creepy, especially now when it’s getting pretty dark, but she knows better, after spending so many hours walking with it attached to her arm.

“Um… is something wrong? Did we not take you to the right place?”

The Drifloon remains silent, still staring at Kate, not showing any physical reaction either. That’s a no then… “Do you… not know where to go from here?”

Silence again. The girl begins to think once more, trying to guess what the Pokémon wants from her and why it followed her, even though it seemed initially pleased with getting guided to the forest.

“Are you… where you wanted to be already?” A shot in the dark, but, surprisingly, the Drifloon finally reacts and spins around, its strings creating a small vortex, while making a cheerful sound. Kate smiles, feeling cheerful as well. It seems she has managed to somehow make a new friend, without even trying this time.

“I see! Then, would you like to join the team? A new friend to travel with would be fun!”

The Drifloon turns around once more, somehow looking even more happily than before, and that’s all the confirmation Kate needs. She reaches into her bag and produces a brand new Pokéball, still shiny and smooth, from having never been used before, no tiny scratches. Once she holds it up in her palm, the balloon Pokémon doesn’t hesitate to touch it and allow the device to suck it in. Kate waits for the Pokéball to shake a few times, and once it completely calms down, it’s official.

Kate immediately lets the Pokémon out and the recently caught Drifloon makes a happy sound. Kate produces something similar as she bounces in place, and the Piplup on her shoulder cheers along with her.

“Welcome to the team! Now I just gotta think of a name for you…”

Kate makes a thinking face, but the idea comes to her mind almost immediately. “You look like a balloon, and you kind of remind me of birthday parties… I’ve seen on TV that some people use streamers and ribbons as decorations for parties too. What do you think about the name ‘Ribbon’?”

The Drifloon says from left to right, looking pretty happy with the name her new trainer came up with. It seems that Kate is already relatively good in understanding what her new friend wanted to communicate without needing help from somewhere else, at least when it comes to the basic stuff. She smiles.

“Okay! Then your name is now Ribbon!” She extends her hand to the Pokémon. “Come on, Ribbon. We were just about to look for a good place to camp and have dinner!”

Ribbon gladly latches herself onto Kate’s arm once again and joins her and Plapp in their search.

Chapter Text

Kate frowns in pain as she looks at the big sign above the doors of the grocery shop she stands across. She spends several minutes like this, burning a hole in the sign from across the street, when a painful spasm goes through her stomach as it growls for the nth time today, and Kate winces, bites her lower lip and puts a hand on her tummy, as if it will somehow make this pain and growls go away.

It’s been so long since she’s eaten anything… The last several days have been a blur, but she suspects it’s been around three days. Possibly more, actually. But she has trouble remembering if she had dinner or not, back when she still had a home. So maybe it’s been four and a half days, actually…

Kate stifles a dry sob and stares some more at the store sign. She’s heard once in school that a human can last for about a week without food… Or was it without water? Either way, Kate certainly feels very close to collapsing very soon… And she has absolutely no money. She did have some after winning Poke from trainers who challenged her on the Route 202, but she also lost, and is now back to square one.

She had 80 before she lost last time. It’s not much, not even enough for one potion, but maybe it would have been enough to buy something… And potions are something she would really need while travelling between towns, she knows that much. Maybe it would have been enough to buy something to eat. If not for herself, then at least for the two Pokémon who are now under her care. They need to eat too. And they need camping equipment as well, at least a tent. Sleeping outside with no shelter, just leaning on a tree, is not fun at all. At least the treatment and stay at the Pokémon Center is free… She’s lucky it hasn’t rained since she started her ‘journey’, and that it’s not winter yet.

Kate’s legs begin to move her across the street, towards the store, without her even realizing it at first. She can’t take this anymore, she just can’t. She’s so hungry… She will just take a peek and see what is out there… What she could potentially buy if she won a battle next time.

Kate tries not to meet anyone’s eyes as she enters the convenience store and immediately heads to the food shelves. Produce, snacks, treats, Pokémon kibble, drinks… and she can’t even get a bottle of water. All the snacks are also out of her potential range. The prices of the produce display are temptingly cheap though – only 20 Poke for each and any berry. Only twenty. If only she won one more time, she would have actually been able to afford some… But she was no good at battles yet, and is now paying the price with more than just cash.

Her stomach growls again and Kate winces. Maybe she shouldn’t have come here. She wanted to just see how much money she would need if she wanted to get something to eat, but what is even the point of torturing herself if she has no money on her at all?

“Can I help you, miss?”

Kate jumps when a woman’s voice brings her out of her thoughts. She looks up and sees a store worker, smiling at her politely. She probably saw Kate looking a bit lost and though she needs help.

Kate does her best to act natural and smile politely back as well. “Uh, yeah, sorry. I was just… browsing for ball capsule stickers, but I can’t find them.”

“Of course, they’re over at that section.” The woman gestures politely at the isles that are almost at the opposite side of the store. Kate smiles and nods, before she follows the store assistant’s gestures, hoping the woman doesn’t find it too suspicious that Kate was staring at food, instead of looking for the stickers in the non-food section.

She really does go to the ball capsule stickers shelves and stares at them, to not look suspicious, but her mind is completely overtaken by the food she saw just now. The berries are so cheap… If only she was a little better at Pokémon Battles, she could have had a decent meal… What is she supposed to do now?

Kate bites her lower lip as she gets an idea. She looks around without turning her head, to make sure no one is watching, and to see where the cameras are around the store. Trying to not look suspicious, she moves away from the stickers and returns to the food section once more, this time to a shelf that’s the closest to a wall and the furthest from the exit and the cash register. Kate looks through the shelf, to see what it has. Granola bars, chocolate bars, oatmeal boxes, sugar-free candy… Kate takes another quick glance and, while she pretends to reach for a box of oatmeal on the top shelf, she uses her other hand to quickly move a granola bar from the lower shelf and shove it into her coat’s pocket. It’s a big pocket, so the bar sinks into its depths with no trouble, and nothing is sticking out. Kate’s heart is racing as she grabs the oatmeal box and holds it with both of her hands, pretending to inspect the ingredients listed on its back. In reality, she is trying to calm her breathing and her wildly beating heart, and decide what to do now. She’s already not feeling well, her heart is aching from how hard it’s beating, and she is feeling her knees get weak, even before she allows herself to fully realize what exactly she’s doing. But just one granola bar is not enough. After all, she has two mouths to feed.

If she thinks too hard about this, she will fall apart right there and now, so Kate has to not let her brain think too much as she reaches for the top shelf once more, to put the box back up there, while pulling two more granola bars into her pocket.

The desire to flee from the store immediately, before anyone gets suspicious, is incredibly strong, but Kate does her best to suppress it, and instead pretends to look at another box. She then acts as if she was unable to find whatever it was that she needed, and moves on to another isle, that’s not as secluded or hidden from view. She pretends to look through the snacks on the shelves, and even inspects some chip bags up close, before putting them back on the display. She sighs in disappointment, to look more natural, and heads to the store exit, not making eye contact with anyone and doing her best to carry herself with confidence. Thankfully, no one stops her as she leaves the store and crosses the street. Kate doesn’t stop until she reaches an empty alleyway. Only then, when she’s completely alone and out of sight from prying eyes, Kate allows herself to stop and actually think about what she’s done just now. She puts a hand on the building wall and leans on it, as she starts to hyperventilate from the realization hitting her, about what she’s just done.

She stole. She stole. From a store. She didn’t forget to pay for something she put in her pocket for later, on accident. She stole something on purpose, and somehow actually got away with it. Kate reaches into her coat’s pocket and pulls out the three granola bars. They aren’t big, and really, they weren’t even that expensive. But she stole them still.

They aren’t valuable items. No one would probably even notice just three granola bars missing, in the grand scheme of the convenience store. But she still stole something. Kate feels like throwing up, and she would have, if only her stomach hasn’t been painfully empty for days.

It takes Kate a while to calm down and stand on her legs without feeling like she’s about to fall to the ground. When she leaves the alleyway, she still looks shell-shocked, and her arms and legs are still shaky. Somehow, on autopilot, she finds a calm place, relatively far away from the store she just stole from, and sits down on a bench near a fountain. Kate sighs, and after staring at the granola bars in her hands for another minute, as if they would disappear and she would be able to convince herself that nothing happened just now, she pulls out the Pokéballs from her other pocket and calls her Pokémon out. A Piplup and Shinx appear near the bench, chirping and purring happily at being out in the fresh air once again. Kate tries to smile at them as well.

“Hey, guys. I’m sorry this took a while. It’s time to eat.” Kate unpacks the bars from their packaging. The Pokémon cheer and jump up onto the bench beside their trainer, eagerly awaiting their meal. Once the wrapping is off, Kate hands two of the three bars to her team, first to Plapp, then to Comet.

The Pokémon sniff the unfamiliar food first. The Shinx takes a bite first, while Plapp eyes the snack with some suspicion. After tasting the granola bar and swallowing the bite, the Shinx frowns and yaps at Kate in clear displeasure. The Piplup follows along and complains in loud chirps and exaggerated wing flailing.

Kate can only frown. “You don’t like it?” She wonders to herself if the granola bars she got don’t taste well and everything was in vain. Kate takes a bite of her own granola and chews it slowly. It’s not bad at all. Maybe it’s simply her hunger talking, but it tastes really, really good. There’s a layer of white cream in the middle and it adds to the sweetness of the honey coating the granola has on it, to keep it in its shape. She isn’t sure why her Pokémon are complaining so much.

“It tastes fine to me…”

Plapp and Comet begin to complain again. The Shinx sits down and does something that vaguely looks like a pout, and the Piplup is stomping his foot on the bench. Kate’s frown becomes deeper and she is trying very hard not to let her hands visibly shake too much. She bites her lower lip.

“Do you… not like sweets?...” It’s a shot in the dark, but her Pokémon’s animated reaction tells her that she guessed correctly. She should probably feel happy that she’s slowly learning to understand her partners when they try to tell her something, but all the girl can feel is despair, and shame, all in the form of a big, slimy lump in her stomach. She stares down at her lap, at her own granola bar in her hands. Her eyes are watering and her sight gets blurry, and she doesn’t dare to look her Pokémon in the eyes. She tries to smile, but she knows it must look crooked.

“I’m sorry… I don’t have anything else…” She tries her best to look calm at least, if not positive. But she’s failing miserably, and she realizes when her nose begins to twitch, and tears are beginning to run down her cheeks. Even in something so small, she’s a failure, isn’t she?

There’s just no way around this – she’s a failure of a trainer.

She lost almost all of the trainer battles she’s had so far, she has no means of having a proper journey and taking care of her Pokémon, not even a damn sleeping bag, so she doesn’t get caught in the coldness of the nights. It may be summer now, but what is she going to do when autumn comes in less than a few months? She has no money or food. She has basically no knowledge of how to battle properly. And now, when she stooped so low as to steal, in order to feed her Pokémon and herself at least something, she ends up being a complete failure once again. Because she didn’t take into consideration that her partners have tastes and preferences. And that she just so happens to take sweet granola bars without thinking about it, which they hate.

Of course she didn’t expect the journey to be easy; she knew she would basically have to rely on herself to survive, while having actual living beings to take care of as well. But she hoped she would at least be able to handle it all… What other choice did she have at the time? She would have had to survive either way, but at having Pokémon by her side, she would at least have a chance to keep herself afloat and safe. To get at least some money, and utilize Pokémon Centers for things she doesn’t have access to anymore, due to not having a home. But… even when she has a somewhat clear idea of what she needs to do, she still fails miserably.

What’s next? How long will she last at this rate? She had a chance, and now she’s running out of time, until she reaches the fate she was trying so hard to avoid. One could argue that she now has at least some experience, even if it’s negative, and she can only get better from here. But what good does that experience make if she’s dead from starvation? If her Pokémon are neglected because she can’t even take care of their basic needs?

A light tap on her hand brings Kate out of her spiral. Kate looks at her hand and sees a small blue paw and right after it, a concerned Shinx’s muzzle. Only then Kate realizes that her whole face is already wet from tears. It takes Kate a few seconds to see the Piplup’s face as well. Plapp looks concerned as well and… sad? Ashamed? She didn’t like that look either way.

“I’m sorry…” Kate croaks out, barely keeping her voice from breaking, and wipes her eyes quickly.

“Pip-piplup…” Plapp chirps, and Kate has a feeling that he’s apologizing as well. She’s completely sure of that when she sees the Pokémon actually take a bite from his granola bar and actually swallow. He doesn’t even show any distaste and continues to eat after the first bite. Comet follows suit, and both Pokémon quietly eat the food they were offered, with no more complaints.

Kate looks down at her own granola and takes a bite as well. She still wants to cry, but she does her best not to anymore, and tries to swallow down the bitter lump in her throat along with the sweet mix of honey and oats.

Unsurprisingly, it works, and as the granola bar gets eaten, Kate can feel her hands stop shaking, and her mind becomes clearer. She’s not fully okay still, but she can think more rationally, and more positively too. After the small meal, the Shinx gets himself comfortable on Kate’s lap and decides to take a nap, purring loudly. Kate pats his soft warm fur, while the Piplup sits nearby on the bench, just admiring the fountain nearby in silence.

Things don’t feel as terrible as they did ten minutes ago. Yes, her situation isn’t good, and she’s been having a bad luck streak that may not be that bad, but could be devastating in her situation… But at the very least she still has a chance to turn the situation around for herself. And she’s not alone like she was before, either. Her team isn’t just an added responsibility. They’re her new friends and support. Maybe, if they stay together, things will actually be easier to deal with in the foreseeable future…

But Kate definitely needs a better plan first and foremost. She needs to make sure she wins battles from now on. She literally can’t afford to lose anymore… But they’ll figure the details out together.

Chapter Text

The dress is a bit too tight on Kate’s chest, and the shoes are too uncomfortable. She has never been a fan of high heels. Comfort was always first and foremost, even when Kate began to dress to impress more in her early twenties. But alas, the occasion called for more formal attire, and the white cocktail dress she is currently wearing would not look too well with sneakers… at least that’s what she was told. Kate does have a pair of sneakers that would look really well with it actually, but she just decided not to argue this time.

Kate sighs and takes a tall glass of what looks like white wine from one of the buffet tables, and looks around the hall. It’s fancy, with a red carpet under her feet, a huge chandelier below the high ceiling in the middle of the room, and is filled with people, all dressed in fancy suits and dresses. Kate was never a fan of such occasions either, but she was asked by someone close, and she just could not say no… Who was it again who asked her to come? Eh, doesn’t matter. It was a friend, that much she’s sure.

A small sip from her glass helps Kate calm down just enough to appreciate the setting a bit more. It’s not like she’s invited to such events every day, she might as well enjoy it a bit. At the very least, it would make a nice memory to bring up in a conversation one day. Maybe she’ll even see something funny to gossip about with a friend later, like some posh dude getting a tad too drunk and spilling his guts about some weird thing he’s into, which would have surely ruined his reputation if paparazzi were allowed in here… where is here exactly anyway?

Kate puts a finger to her chin and looks up at the ceiling, staring at the fancy chandelier, made of thousands small crystals that reflect the light in a fun way, almost hypnotizing her. Was this some sort of mansion of some sort of rich investor of the Battle Subway? Or was this some celebration of something on some cruise liner? Or maybe she was asked to come by Elesa, and this was an event organized for the closing of the Nimbasa Fashion Week? Weirdly, Kate could not remember… but she had a feeling she might be on a cruise ship. She wasn’t sure why she thought that, or why she couldn’t remember for sure, but she just did.

The weird gaps in her memory, ironically, get forgotten immediately when a man in a black suit, a red tie and with a small light blue flower in his chest pocket approach Kate, clearly intending to speak with her. For some reason, she can’t recognize his face – it’s all… blurred and unintelligible. But that doesn’t worry Kate either, and she smiles politely, before engaging in a conversation about… something. She can’t really even tell what it’s about and what she’s responding, but she knows it’s something boring and something she doesn’t care about, so it doesn’t bother her at all either.

The man eventually leaves, and after seeing him off with a smile, Kate sighs, suddenly feeling a little more tired than a few minutes ago. Despite her introverted nature, it’s been a long while since an interaction with someone left her so drained. She’s in need of another glass of wine, so Kate turns around and looks at the drinks table again.

As she places down her already empty glass and picks up a filled one, her eyes land on something, or rather someone, who feels… eerily familiar. For the first time since she’s been in here, her mind light up with some sort of recognition. At the sight of the familiar silver hair with strange sidebangs her heart clenches painfully, and suddenly Kate feels something so deeply, it shakes her to her very core, and the jolt of electricity going through her brain elevates the strange veil that’s been over her mind this whole time. It makes her realize that everything else in this hall might as well have never existed to her.

She knows she shouldn’t stare, it’s rude, and there are a bunch of important people here who might know the person who invited her here (who was that, again?), and her behavior could cause trouble for that person. But she simply could not help herself. It was like she was hypnotized, and she also had a feeling no one here would actually care… this time she had a guess as to why, in the back of her mind, but she was not ready to acknowledge it yet.

It’s bad, she knows it’s bad, but Kate simply can’t help herself. She begins to walk around the table, her eyes not leaving the person in what appears to be a black suit that, while also fancy attire, somehow stands out among all the suits in the room that look exactly the same. The person is tall and slender; their attire containing details that make their suit look a little less like one you’d wear to a serious event, and more like something one might wear to a carnaval, with a hat almost comedically tall, pants divided in the middle with one leg black, and the other white with stripes, and a belt that holds what looks like an oil lamp to the person’s waist. Despite the costume looking so out of place, somehow, Kate knew that this person looked like the most gorgeous and stylish man she has ever seen.

… She also knew it was a man. She didn’t know how, she couldn’t even see his face and figure properly, but her brain knew it was him. She knew him.

When Kate finally approached him and looked him in the face, the weird blind that seems to be over everyone’s eyes in here fully fades away at last, and her heartbeat and breathing elevate, as if she just ran across the room instead of walking a few steps. Things were still a tad blurry, but she had no doubts she knew this silhouette. This nose. This mouth, curved in a permanent frown. Those eyes that were so reflective, they almost look like they’re glowing at the right angle. And when those eyes look at her, Kate feels something inside her drop, and she suddenly feels like she’s about to suffocate.

She knows this man… But why does seeing him hurt?

Her mind helpfully brought forth the memories she needed, and the illusion is finally completely broken, and the thought in the back of her head, too uncomfortable to acknowledge before, is now the reality she has to face. Finally, she has the explanation for why she doesn’t remember what this event is supposed to be, who invited her and why none of this seemed to concern her before. And it hurts. It hurts not because the hall, the guests and the wine glass, that is no longer even in her hands because she stopped thinking about it, are not real. But because the man before her is not real either.

There’s a bitter lump in her throat, but it doesn’t prevent Kate from speaking up when she wills herself to. And it only serves as further proof of what she realized.

“…This is just a dream, isn’t it?”

Despite being able to talk properly, her voice still comes out as a whisper. Because there is simply no other way she would talk when in a situation like this, with the burning ache in her heart like she feels right now, as she watches Ingo’s face fall. It’s a minor shift in expression, most wouldn’t even notice, but she knows him so well, she’s able to catch all those micro expressions. To remember them. To recreate them in her memory.

“It appears so…” His own voice is quiet, and it almost feels unrealistic and wrong, but to Kate’s heart, it’s exactly how Ingo would have sounded in a situation like this. “…You look lovely tonight, dearest”.

Kate feels burning tears sting her eyes, and her breath catches in her throat. She feels like the world around her is about to fall apart, and she knows it’s actually the case. She’s not calm enough, she’s too emotional, and this dream will not last too long, with her realization. But Ingo’s words are just so sincere, so warm, and they hurt so much, because of how familiar they are to her heart, and because she understands how this is not him telling her that, but rather her own mind trying to offer at least some comfort. And it’s so effective; it feels like poison that’s destroying her from inside.

“I…” Kate’s voice catches in her throat, even though there’s no realistic reason it should do that. But she simply doesn’t know what to say, what to do. She so desperately wants to yell, to cry, to beg for this dream to take pity on her and let her stay here for just for a bit longer. To let her listen to Ingo’s voice some more, to let them talk, about anything, to let her tell him about the stuff he’s been missing since he disappeared. About Emmet, about Chandelure and Excadrill, about herself… but she knows all that would be in vain. There is no one to hear her beg, much less grant her wish.

“I…” Kate repeats, trying desperately to think of what to say. The look Ingo gives her, so tender and loving, yet with the underlying sadness she can recognize as the same kind she’s feeling at the understanding of how all of this is not only unreal, but also about to end at any moment. Yet, she wants to believe, for just a moment, that it really is Ingo giving her this understanding and kindness in this moment.

“… I miss you”.

“I know”. Ingo’s face softens, just a tiny bit, the corners of his mouth lifting up just barely enough for her to notice and recognize it as a small understanding smile. It does nothing but make Kate feel even more like she’s choking on her own feelings.

“…I love you.”

The look in Ingo’s eyes saddens, but Kate can see how much he’s trying to not let it show, even though he’s failing miserably. Even in her dreams, he’s caring and puts her before himsef.

“…I know”.

It feels almost bittersweet to hear this response, but she’s slightly relieved and silently thanks her own mind for this. She needed this reminder. If it made Ingo act like he truly would… she’s not sure she would have been able to handle it.

Kate reaches out to Ingo, to try and at least hold his hand one more time, at least in this dream, but the moment her hand reaches his glove, ever so clean and neat, it gets too much, and her mind finally pulls her towards the darkness or reality.

***

When Plapp wakes up to the quiet hiccups and sobbing nearby, he doesn’t hesitate. He’s awake within seconds, and even though it’s the middle of the night, and the bedroom is pitch dark, he finds his trainer under the sheets with no trouble, having learned this routine by heart since both him and Kate were still young.

The Piplup dives under the blanket and finds the girl, still half asleep and crying in her dream quietly, and cuddles up to her. She’s all grown up, but her arms still wrap around his small round frame just like all those years ago, whenever she had another nightmare as a kid. He lets the woman cling to him as she cries her heart out quietly in the empty apartment.

Kate is no longer asleep, but she refuses to open her eyes, knowing full well she will be met with the sight of an empty bed. So she chooses to hold her beloved ace instead, and cling onto the memories of her miserable childhood, back when holding Plapp close and caressing his fuzz would really make things better.