Chapter Text
Cold in your warm embrace
It's salt in my open veins
Control I'm relinquishing
Sensitive, I'm peeling back my skin
Raw Raw - K. Flay
It starts during their first year of college, about 6 months into being dorm mates. It’s late one Saturday night. They’re both high and watching the latest instalment of a popular street-racing movie franchise that Zack’s stingy cousin Angeal pirated for them.
For about two and a half hours, it’d been a continuous back and forth of remarks on the film’s absurdity. They keep a tracker on the total times the word ‘family’ is said. Cloud’s announcement that the total was 56 has Zack guffawing.
Only then does it occur to Cloud how close Zack is, because his laughing almost blows out Cloud’s eardrums.
It’s not unusual that Zack ends up splayed against Cloud in some form when they hang out. Zack is a tactile person while Cloud’s the opposite — usually shying away or avoiding touch from anyone altogether.
Cloud’s gotten used to the hugging, the ruffling of his hair or having the weight of Zack’s arm around his shoulders.
He’s just never let himself initiate contact with Zack in any shape or form. But right now, Cloud’s knee is bent flat on the couch with half of it resting over Zack’s lap. Zack’s arm is slung over Cloud’s shoulder, head buried and breath heavy in the crook of his neck. On his inner thigh, Zack’s hand rests firm and hot as their laughter slowly peters out with Cloud’s head practically resting on Zack’s chest.
He looks up when Zack’s hand inches forward — he can barely meet violet eyes before Zack’s caging his body against the couch, leaning in, and kissing him. It takes all of 0.2 seconds for Cloud to unfreeze from his surprise because holy fuck, his first kiss.
By Zack of all people, who for all intents and purposes shouldn’t have even given him the time of day as a friend. Expected the extent of their interactions to be a ‘hi’ and ‘bye’ if they crossed paths going in and out of their shared dorm.
When they first met, Cloud had flagged him in an instant as a rich, idiot jock with more brawn than brain — especially when he’d beam his stupid, sunny grin at Cloud if their eyes met. His expression always so goofy, like there were no thoughts, brain empty except for Darude’s ‘Sandstorm’ on repeat.
Zack’s affluence was also obvious if the gaudy Dior bomber jacket he wore was anything to go by. The sneakers he wore sported a patch of the same ‘Oblique’ pattern the brand was known for.
(Information he’d learned against his will, because small town life meant entertainment was limited and The Real Housewives of Midgar was one of the few shows Nibelheim received a signal for.)
An assumption confirmed when Zack, unprompted and casually, revealed he was only here because his venture capitalist dad wanted him to experience college before giving him his inheritance.
And as if his beefy body and bottomless pit of riches weren’t enough, Zack had a gorgeous, blinding smile that he'd always shine at Cloud in response to his sniping. This only served to piss Cloud off more; continued acting like the distrustful feral stray he was (and still is).
Wasn’t enough of a deterrent for Zack apparently, who continued to be irritatingly pleasant and cheery. Grabbed Cloud’s phone two weeks into sharing a dorm, programmed his number into it and handed it back with a wink before sauntering off.
Immediately, his phone had vibrated and when he unlocked it, there was a reply to a message he definitely hadn’t sent.
After that, it was like he made it his mission to become best buddies with Cloud for some strange, unfathomable reason.
Always sought out Cloud in his free time with the intention to hang out with him — an entirely strange concept to him because nobody ever wanted to before. Least of all, someone like Zack Fair.
Zack oozed charisma, wore confidence like a second skin and attracted people as if he were the world’s most powerful magnet. Cloud had none of that. If his childhood and adolescence was anything to go by, he repelled people.
By virtue of being born a bastard, Nibelheim seemed to collectively decide that he’d be the town pariah. As a consequence, all he attracted was conflict — as if the universe was making sure he lived up to his last name of ‘Strife.’
And as if his dazzling personality wasn’t enough, Zack was gorgeous (an understatement, really). Captivating violet eyes that radiated sincerity with an infectious smile and endearingly dimpled cheeks to match. His left jaw had a cross-shaped scar, but where scars were usually considered blemishes or imperfections, it was the opposite for Zack. Added a rugged charm and drew attention to his chiselled jaw.
Zack was also tall, broad-shouldered and well-defined everywhere. To the point where Cloud didn’t even know certain muscles existed until he’d seen them visibly outlined on Zack’s tanned body.
If Cloud really wanted to fault Zack, it might be for his hair; an unruly mane of black spikes with a single strand forever dangling over his face. However, like his scar, it just complemented his appearance.
Cloud had his own unruly mess of blonde spikes, except he just looked stupid and the kids at school always compared it to a chocobo’s ass.
In essence, Zack was everything Cloud wasn’t; everything Cloud wished he were.
It’s funny, Cloud had been so conflicted about Zack as their friendship grew — torn between wanting to be like him and wanting to be with him.
Tonight though, he’s erring entirely towards wanting to be with him.
So he doesn’t think too hard about the why or the consequences and just goes with it. Which is so easy to do when the guy kissing him is a 6'2 bronzed Adonis, vice captain of the swim team (as a freshman) and rubbing circles with his thumb on Cloud’s hip, under his shirt.
He tastes like the sweet and salty popcorn they were eating with a hint of green apple — Zack’s favourite flavour of gummy snakes. His mouth is warm and wet and their lips slide deliciously against each other.
Zack starts sucking on his tongue and before he knows it, both of his ass cheeks are cupped by large palms and he’s hoisted up. A few steps later and he’s unceremoniously dropped on Zack’s bed; doesn’t get a moment to breathe before Zack’s lips are on his again.
It’s even better — unbelievably so — because now the weight of Zack is on him, pressing him into the bed. An involuntary moan comes out when Cloud realises Zack’s cock is as hard as the rest of the muscles on his body and resting perfectly against his own dick.
A second after Cloud moans, Zack’s fingers are already at the waistband of his sweatpants. Without parting from his lips, Zack mumbles, “Can I?”
Cloud fists his hand through Zack’s hair to make sure Zack’s mouth doesn’t leave his as he nods once and garbles a ‘mmmph.’ Feels the press of a smile against his lips and decidedly ignores how that makes his cock jump, along with the warm flutter low in his stomach.
When he lifts his hips so Zack can slide his pants off, the slight upward thrust pulls a breathy ‘fuck’ from Zack that Cloud eagerly swallows. Emboldened by Zack’s reaction, Cloud’s hands scramble to tug at Zack’s pants, though given his position, it’s fruitless.
“Zaaaack,” Cloud whines softly, fingers repeatedly brushing against the heated muscles of Zack’s hips.
“Mmmmm, I like you desperate,” Zack teases, muffled and deep. Imprints another smile against Cloud and Cloud’s cock jerks at that simple act again. Zack deepens his kiss, all open-mouthed and full of tongue before pulling away with obvious reluctance. He nudges Cloud’s knees, prompting him to part his legs for Zack to kneel between them.
Leaves him the most exposed he’s ever been in front of another for the first time. Cock stiff against his stomach, balls taut and lower body on display — it’s all new to him. Cloud should be shrinking away, but Zack’s piercing violet eyes are fixed on his as Zack removes his own sweatpants. Lust radiates from Zack’s stare, and Cloud loses all semblance of himself.
“Oh…fuuck,” Cloud moans under his breath, slutty and unbridled, at the sight of Zack’s thick and throbbing cock.
“Wanna feel your skin against mine,” Zack says, large hands pawing under Cloud’s shirt like he’s being mauled by a wild, hungry beast.
There’s no objection as Zack starts peeling his shirt off. Why would he, when Zack’s fulfilling one half of the pitiful hunger gripping his soul — the half that’s yearned and craved for this type of intimacy.
But more importantly, Zack wants it. Cloud can’t – doesn’t want to say no to him. The idea of disappointing Zack distressing enough to make his stomach turn.
Zack leans back on his knees again, criss-crossing his arms and grabs the bottom of his shirt with his hands. Time stops as Zack smirks and gradually hikes his shirt up, evidently aware that his body is out of this fucking world.
Carved and cultivated by years of swimming, Cloud is paralysed by Zack’s obliques, deeply defined grooves that almost function like a neon arrow pointing down to his huge dick. Shredded from continuous cardio, his abs and pecs are prominently outlined. Cloud wants to hate him and lick him at the same time.
Zack pulls the shirt over his head and the motion tenses his broad swimmer’s shoulders. The corded muscles of his traps bulge momentarily, arms briefly in the air, before throwing his shirt behind him. A satisfied, knowing smile sits smug on his stupid, handsome face.
Cloud wants to call him a cocky asshole, but his mouth is drier than a desert and it’s not from the weed he smoked earlier. He’s seen Zack topless before. They share a bathroom and a dorm and Zack has no sense of shame because, why the fuck would he. But context makes all the difference and there’s no envy, no voice in Cloud’s head comparing himself.
It’s just pure want and desire and a yearning so deep for whatever Zack will give, it’s carved into his bones.
In seconds, Zack’s mouth is on his again, palms pressed into the bedding beside Cloud’s head and broad-shoulders flexed as he holds himself up. A tinge of delight trickles warmly through him from the tickle of Zack’s wayward strand of hair on his face.
It’s dwarfed, though, by the heat of Zack’s cock hovering just above his own. Something hot and wet lands on his cock and he realises it’s Zack’s precum, stuttering out a pathetic, “F - Fu - uck,” as his palms slam against Zack’s shoulders.
Zack pulls his face away. Kiss-swollen lips slightly parted, panting hard, and just…looks at him? Just as Cloud’s about to ask why he stopped, Zack rolls his hips down and thrusts forward – repeats that movement, again and again. A loud whine falls from Cloud’s mouth with Zack cursing loud and groaning. “Shit…nnghh.”
He sounds fucking wrecked as he frots against Cloud and moves at a slow, deliberate pace — almost teasing as Zack grinds into him. Zack’s slick cock thrusts against him starting from his balls, along the underside of his shaft and then to his tip, smooth as silk, the friction indescribable.
Cloud barely hears him, having clenched his eyes shut the moment Zack ground down against him. The sensation of Zack’s scorching heated flesh, hard and wet, sliding against his own forced him to focus on holding back his orgasm, oblivious to anything else.
There’s a sudden weight on his chest and hot air brushing against his ear. Zack mouths and nips at his earlobe, growls deep in his ear, “You’re making – “ suck “ – me lose –” lick “ – my fucking mind.”
Says it as he continues to rub and grind along Cloud’s cock. They’ve both been steadily dribbling out precum and their cocks are coated with it. Cloud starts thrusting his hips up so they rock against each other at a relentless rhythm. Every nerve ending is alight as their hips rock seamlessly, whimpering each time the tips of their cocks catch and graze against each other.
“Fucking hell, baby. Fuck, you feel so good,” Zack groans.
Cloud ignores the fluttering in his heart at the pet name as he races towards his climax, but he doesn’t want this to end. Beneath his overwhelming desire are tendrils curling around his heart like a quiet omen, warning him that he’s flying too dangerously close to the sun. Except, the sheer desperation to hold onto this waning moment renders the whispered warnings inconsequential.
“Z-Zack! Pl-Please, please, please, p-lease, n-not enough,” Cloud stutters, tears forming at the corner of his eyes. He doesn’t know what he’s begging for exactly, at least not consciously.
“More? You want more, baby?” Zack asks, slowing the roll of his hips and starts to lave wet, open-mouthed kisses all over his neck.
“Yes, please. Everything. Give me everything,” he begs, hopelessly aware that what he’s truly asking for won’t be granted.
In full understanding of what Cloud wants, at least on the surface, Zack reaches over to his bedside table and Cloud hears furious rummaging. He clearly finds what he’s looking for because Zack returns to kneel between Cloud’s legs; shifts them so his thighs rest over Zack’s hips and lifts his right leg to press a kiss onto his ankle, running his large palms down Cloud’s legs.
Zack sits back on his legs and puts aside whatever he grabbed. Warm fingers run along Cloud’s sides, all the way down to his outer thighs, as he leans in to kiss him again raising Cloud’s hips off the bed. He shivers as their slight movements spur the skim of cool air against his heated flesh.
Zack’s kiss is filthy; open-mouthed and wet. His hands persist down, down, down till he reaches Cloud’s ass, cups the sides of his cheeks, squeezing and kneading at them gently.
Zack pulls away to look at him with glistening lips, and reaches for lube, “You’ve done this before, right?”
“Yeah,” Cloud replies, breathless and dazed.
He hasn’t.
Well…he has.
If Zack’s asking if he’s been fingered before, yes. By himself.
But if he meant ‘You’ve had sex before, right?’ then no, Cloud has not.
He’s not about to clarify the question either and potentially deter Zack, who might not want to fuck a virgin. Cloud reasons that he’s not lying. It’s more like…an omission of the truth.
Plus, he knows how it works — theoretically. Did plenty of research during his final year of high school and over the break before college started. Put in some practice too so he wouldn’t embarrass himself.
Leaning down again, Zack starts kissing and sucking behind his ear. Cloud hears the click of a lube bottle opening and exhales a shaky breath in anticipation of what’s to come.
Zack draws back a little, looks at him with pupils blown so wide the violet is scarcely there. Cloud feels trapped by the void of lust and the skin over his knuckles is taut as he grips tightly at the bed sheets.
“Gonna prepare you now, ‘kay?” Zack says, low and husky. And all Cloud can do is nod. He can hear Zack’s wet fingertips, as he warms up the lube, just the concept of what’s to come making his cock throb.
An embarrassing near pornographic moan almost comes out when he feels the touch of a slick finger against his rim. Presses his lips together to suppress it.
“No, no baby, let me hear you,” Zack says, while running two wet fingers up to his taint and back down to his rim.
Zack continues smearing lube up and down, circling his rim with a gentle pressure each time. His grip on the bed sheets tightens and his teeth bites down on his bottom lip as a familiar heat threatens to boil over. Desperate not to come before anything’s even penetrated him, a complaint slips out before Cloud can stop himself, “Zaa-hah-ck, stop nngh teasing me.”
“Lift your hips,” Zack says and Cloud does, albeit a little confused. Realises Zack is slipping a pillow under him.
Before he can register how sweet that is, Zack is pressing a finger inside of him and Cloud’s breath catches. Much to Cloud’s embarrassment, Zack’s finger (that’s much thicker than his own) enters him easily. Exhales a shaky moan as Zack starts slowly stroking in and out, curling up every time he pushes inside.
Zack’s eyes are fixated on watching his finger’s every thrust inside of Cloud as he increases his speed. “Doing so fucking good for me baby — gonna put another in alright?”
Without waiting for an answer, two fingertips start to press at his entrance. Cloud takes deep breaths, focused on relaxing his lower body, no longer so close to coming as his attention has shifted to keeping up his ruse.
Thank fuck, because there’s no way he’s embarrassing himself by immediately coming like the fucking virgin he is.
The additional stretch burns slightly but it’s gone within seconds. Zack starts thrusting quicker and scissoring inside him, eyes still glued to his fingers. It’s hot — seeing how enthralled Zack is with this simple act. Still thrusting his fingers, stretching him open, Zack uses his other hand to start stroking himself. And that brings Cloud’s arousal back full force.
So focused on watching Zack’s tanned bicep tense and flex every time his fingers moved, Cloud doesn’t realise Zack slipped in a third finger until he was knuckle deep.
Jolting slightly from surprise and the abrupt stretch of his rim, Cloud gasps as Zack stills his hand, giving Cloud a moment to adjust. Bends forward and flicks his tongue over Cloud’s nipple before nipping gently at it.
Cloud breathes out a sudden oh — the sensitivity of his nipples an unexpected revelation.
Then Zack starts moving his fingers and Cloud outright groans. His fingers move gentle and unhurried, the pace permitting only a steady undercurrent of pleasure. Cloud lets himself glance up and Zack’s expression can only be described as reverential as he stares at his fingers stretching Cloud open — as if he could do this all day.
It feels like forever; this languid rhythm of Zack’s thick fingers stroking in and out, dragging along inside of him — builds into a burning ache that has his hips writhing.
Taking this as a sign that Cloud’s adjusted, he drizzles more lube where his fingers meet Cloud’s rim. Thrusts faster while rolling his wrist up each time he’s deep inside.
Cloud’s breath hitches and his thighs begin to tremble. The pressure is good but he knows it could be better — Zack’s only ghosting the little bundle of nerves with his fingertips and Cloud knows, without a doubt, it’s on purpose.
“Mmmm, Zack, please.”
“So fucking sexy when you beg,” Zack says as he pulls out his fingers.
The emptiness has Cloud making a noise of complaint. Zack smirks, “Got something bigger for you, babe.”
Cloud watches as Zack grabs a condom and blurts, “I’m clean!” immediately cringing at the unsolicited confession.
Zack’s eyes darken as he stares down at Cloud and well, it seems the confession wasn’t unwelcome after all. Eyes half-lidded and heated, Zack slowly descends over him. Flicks his tongue over Cloud’s earlobe, another smile marking his skin, “That keen to take me raw, huh babe?”
Fuck, Zack and his mouth — Cloud’s body flushes from embarrassment because it’s so filthy and he’s right. Can’t even make eye contact with Zack when he kneels back to smear the excess lube on his cock, stroking himself slowly.
“You’re gonna give me an even bigger ego if you keep staring at my dick like that.”
Cloud snaps his head up, only just realising he’d been staring at Zack’s cock for way too long. “Oh my god, do you ever shut up?” he says, trying his best to glare at Zack to hide his mortification.
Zack grabs the bottle of lube while snickering like the asshole he is, “Nah, I don’t, and usually it’s cute when you blush. Now you just look sexy as fuck.”
And how can Cloud respond to that except to blush even more.
Zack laughs as leans down to kiss him again. His mortification evaporating as soon as Zack slides an arm between them and clasps their cocks together in one hand — stroking them so slowly, it’s agonising.
"Alright baby, how do you want it?” Zack asks between light nips and sucks to his jaw, the both of them groaning as Zack decides then to thumb over the slit of their cocks.
The sensation of Zack’s thumb as it grazes over their flushed, wet tips sparks a zapping current from head to toe and shorts his brain.
Somehow, Cloud manages to navigate through his intoxicating fog of want to register Zack’s question but remains dazed enough that he’s not embarrassed by his reply.
“From behind,”
“Fuck, I was hoping you’d say that.”
Zack flips him over onto his stomach, legs pressed together with Zack straddling the back of his thighs. Cloud folds his arms on the pillow and rests his head against them. Zack’s large palms descend on his ass cheeks and knead at them like dough. Starts licking and sucking at his flesh like a man starved. The movements from Zack’s groping has his cock grinding into the pillow that previously supported his hips.
He’s so, so worked up at this point, has no idea whether it’s the light friction or just the mere fact that it’s Zack touching him like this.
“Gods, your ass is even better than I imagined,” Zack growls.
Zack’s confession is probably a statement Cloud should’ve processed a little more but his ability for any higher thinking is lost to the wind when his cheeks are pulled apart and the pad of a finger rubs his rim.
From behind him, Cloud hears Zack mutter, “Prettiest fucking hole I’ve ever seen,” and he has no idea if he was meant to hear that or if Zack was telling himself that.
Not that it matters either way; Cloud preens at the comment because Zack just said his asshole was pretty, what the fuck.
Zack slides his cock in the crevice of Cloud’s ass cheeks. The lube used to prepare him and the precum on Zack’s cock mix together, the glide unfaltering. Zack grinds out, “Oh fuck, babe, need inside you now,” before removing his hands from Cloud’s ass.
Cloud hears the bottle of lube click open and then the slick sounds of Zack squeezing and spreading it along his length, Cloud twists his head back slightly to watch, shuddering as he sees Zack staring at Cloud like he wants to eat him alive.
Once satisfied, he hikes Cloud’s hips up, so he’s kneeling somewhat, his lower back arched up exposing more of his hole — palms the rest of the lube over Cloud’s rim, taint and balls. Then shoves three fingers inside without warning, pumps in and out while spreading them. Cloud gasps and he’s helpless to the way his thighs and ass start quivering in response to the heady assault.
The fullness inside of him leaves as sudden as it had entered him when Zack pulls his fingers out. Within moments, something warm, slick and hard is pressed against his rim and Cloud belatedly realises it’s the tip of Zack’s cock; his breath hitching in anticipation.
“This what you want, baby?” Zack teases, brushing Cloud’s rim and taint with his cockhead.
Cloud bites back a moan, spluttering out an incomprehensible combination of ‘yes’ and ‘please.’ Satisfies Zack enough because fingers gently pry his fluttering hole apart and starts pushing inside of him.
Even with all that prep and Cloud’s own practice before college, it’s like he’s being split in half. Takes deep breathes to relax himself, quiet ones, with the vain hope that Zack doesn’t notice.
But one exhale is accompanied with a tiny wince and behind him, Zack stills. With the most serious tone Cloud’s heard all night, Zack asks, “Cloud, you okay? Want me to stop?”
“No, no, keep going. Just been a while,” Cloud lies again, like a fucking liar.
“Okay. If it’s too much, just say the word and I’ll stop,” Zack says, stern and unwavering, in a way that tells Cloud he means it.
“Yeah, I will. Just keep going,” Cloud replies, with as much confidence as he can muster.
Zack places gentle kisses on his shoulder blades, the shaft of his dick rubbing over and over Cloud’s hole and taint with every movement. He hikes Cloud’s hips higher, arching Cloud’s lower back even more, lips mouthing and nipping down his spine with audibly wet smacking noises.
When he reaches the base of Cloud’s spine, he sucks hard — hard enough that Cloud knows his skin will be branded with splotches of purple tomorrow. Knowing Zack is marking him sends a flare of arousal low in his gut.
“Okay babe, I’m gonna try again,” Zack says, his voice low with lust.
Cloud just pushes his hip back in acknowledgement.
The squelch of lube can be heard behind him, Zack’s dick still resting on between his cheeks. Cloud turns around to see Zack dribbling it along his length and then moving his cock away from Cloud to smear and slick himself up again.
After a moment, Cloud feels nudging at his entrance again, but this time, as Zack pushes in, his thumbs rub at Cloud’s twitching rim as it slowly stretches around it. It makes his cock throb, the heat in his lower half building back up.
“Come on, baby. Relax for me, that’s it, let me in. Gonna fuck you so good,” Zack coaxes, pushing slowly inside, inch by inch.
“Oh fuck, Cloud, you have no idea how fucking hot this looks,” Zack groans as his tip squeezes partway into Cloud’s tight hole.
“So take a photo,” Cloud replies shakily, a breathless moan leaving his lips at the thought of Zack doing that.
Zack whimpers immediately and stills. “For real?”
His voice is hoarse and about a whole octave lower when he asks that. Cloud answers by reaching for Zack’s phone, charging on his bedside table and handing it behind him.
The phone’s snatched out of his hand and he knows Zack’s camera app is open because he hears Zack stutter ‘sh-shit that’s hot’ and then the pressure of Zack pushing in again, his thumbs no longer rubbing at Cloud’s rim.
Probably because his hands are occupied; Cloud’s got no clue how many photos Zack’s taking — might even be taking a video. At this point, Cloud could give less of a fuck either way.
There’s still some pain as each inch stretches him wider, an accompanying chasm splitting open in his chest, entirely unrelated to the physical girth of Zack gradually working him open.
Cloud draws in a long breath and it helps the cock splitting him open slide in deeper, faster — Zack burying himself to the hilt. Muscled thighs pressed against the back of Cloud’s, “Unnnnghhh fuck, fuck you’re so tight, squeezing perfectly around my cock.”
Zack’s thrown his phone to the side, resting his forehead on Cloud’s back, panting loud. His breath is hot and heavy against Cloud’s skin. Thighs shaking against Cloud’s as Zack gives Cloud a moment to adjust.
Cloud had gasped embarrassingly loud when Zack was flush against him; the drag of Zack’s thick, heated flesh against his tight walls scratched a deep itch inside of him — satiating a hunger Cloud didn’t know he had.
Zack grips the side of his hips and rubs soothing circles. It helps him relax a little more, allows the remnants of pain to turn into pleasure. With the pain gone, it’s an overwhelming tidal wave of ecstasy that threatens to drown him. It leaves him feeling exposed and vulnerable — far more than getting naked in front of another for the first time.
He’s unsure if it’s because it’s his first time, or if it’s because it’s with Zack. Maybe it’s both — he’s just glad he opted for a position where he could hide his face as a familiar sting appears behind his eyelids, rapid blinks clear it away.
“Cloud, Cloudy…baby,” Zack pants, desolate.
His hands wander to rub at Cloud’s exposed stomach. The deep arch of Cloud’s back and the tiny jerks with Zack behind him means the tip of Zack’s cock has been gingerly pressed against his prostate, providing an impossible level of stimulation. Now, Zack’s movements are nudging at it repeatedly with some force and Cloud lets out a strangled cry.
“Shit, Cloud, are you okay?” Zack asks again, his tone laced with concern.
“Yeah, you just got my — ,” Cloud stops from embarrassment, can’t bring himself to say it out loud.
Instead, Cloud says, “Just…move, Zack,” and pushes his hips back, forcing a choked moan from the both of them.
Zack starts to move, rolls his hips long and deep. It’s already too much for Cloud; their foreplay, his prostate stimulated the entire time Zack had stilled for him to adjust, the sheer fact that this was happening with Zack — it brought him humiliatingly close to the edge.
Cloud tried — had almost steered himself away from finishing too early, too quickly.
Then Zack wrapped a hand around Cloud’s dick, pumped once and —
“Oh fuck, Cloud, you’re squeezing me so tigh — oh.”
Fucking Odin, Cloud thinks as he buries his face deeper into the pillow, his body twitching while riding out the aftershocks of his orgasm. Distraught and mortified, his voice is muffled by the pillow but the warbling is audible as he tries not to cry, “Oh my god, Zack — I’m sorry, I-I’m so sorry.”
Cloud’s instinctive urge is to run; bolt out of his dorm and hide in one of the bathroom stalls but he’s obstructed by Zack’s raging erection still inside of him. Instead, all he can do as a flustered mess is apologise over and over again, while his mind disassociates from his body. He can barely feel the tangle of cotton sheets between his fingers and the scent of goose down in Zack’s pillow is faint.
They’re so detached he doesn’t notice that Zack’s pulled out of him until he’s on his back and Zack is gently prying his hands from his face.
When did move his hands to cover his face? And fucking hell, they’re wet with what he assumes are his tears.
“Hey, shh, shh, Cloudy, it’s okay,” Zack says softly, cupping his face in his palms and using the pads of his thumbs to wipe the tears from Cloud’s cheeks.
Cloud’s still leaking a steady stream of tears, hating himself for being such a pathetic virgin; unable to meet Zack’s eyes.
“I’m sorry, fuck, you didn’t even come. I’m so, so, sor — .”
His blabbering is cut off by Zack placing tender kisses all over his face. Still has Cloud’s face cupped in his palms and a flutter lacking heat floats free and careless like a butterfly in Cloud’s stomach.
“Do you want to sto — .”
“NO, no, please keep going. Please, ” Cloud begs pathetically, gripping at Zack’s forearms like they’re his lifeline.
Zack studies his face, a crease between his brow, violet eyes wary and searching. After a moment, Zack gently tucks a wayward strand of hair behind Cloud’s ear and shifts him — no, manhandles him by his waist so that he’s propped halfway up against the pillows. Pulls Cloud’s legs over his cut hips, spread wide and leans down to weave his lips with Cloud’s, palms returning to cradle his face. Sucks and nips at his bottom lip all soft and sweet, as if he was indulging in a delicate treat.
It’s almost unbearably tender and the fluttering in his stomach accelerates astronomically.
“Feel okay, sweetheart?” Zack mumbles into Cloud’s lips.
Dismayed by Zack’s consideration despite Cloud’s faux pas, Cloud only manages to whisper ‘yes’ — anything else might turn him into a pitiful, crying mess again.
Their hips are flush together and Zack’s cock against his thigh has softened. Determined to not be useless, Cloud carefully grasps it just below the head and strokes it slowly. Zack hums into his mouth and bucks once into his hand.
The lube’s dried up a little and Cloud pulls away from Zack, who tilts his head in that stupidly adorable way. He’s seen it in porn, where the actor spits into his hand to use as lube. It’s hot but has no clue if it’ll be sexy if he does it. His brain says ‘just send it’ and gathers some saliva in his mouth.
From what he’s seen, it’s supposed to be a quick, dirty spit but as he looks into Zack’s questioning eyes, blazing bright violet with lust, he has a small moment of hesitancy and the last bits of spit dribble down his chin. Zack’s staring at him and it causes him to flush, promptly wraps his saliva-slicked hand around Zack’s cock and starts pumping, fast.
It works — Zack throws his head back with a choked moan because Cloud really didn’t prepare him for the intensity. Looks back at Cloud, his eyes dropping to the pathetic spittle of saliva and places his thumb on the bottom of Cloud’s chin. Starts nudging upwards, collecting the spit with his thumb and Cloud is unprepared when the wet finger traces his lips.
Cloud parts his lips in surprise and Zack uses that opportunity to press his thumb into Cloud’s mouth, instinctively closing his mouth and tracing his tongue around Zack’s finger.
“Gaia, you don’t know what you do to me,” Zack murmurs, staring at Cloud with blown out eyes and if Cloud didn’t know better, he’d think Zack’s words carried actual weight — actual sentiment behind them that was beyond something platonic.
Cloud vehemently ignores those thoughts and shifts himself back to create some distance between their hips. Zack removes his thumb and chuckles when Cloud tries to chase it.
“Just wanna check if you’re still wet for me, babe,” Zack says, winking.
Fingertips grip his ass cheeks and creases his flesh as Zack gently pries his hole to one side. His thumb is still coated with Cloud’s spit. It’s cool against his heated rim, the contrast surprisingly pleasant.
“You feelin’ okay?” Zack asks as he starts dipping his thumb into Cloud’s hole, his other hand clasped around his cock. There’s obviously still a lot of lube inside him — the thumb Zack’s inserted pushes some of it out and slides down his crack. And yet, Zack’s still fucking his thumb in and out of Cloud’s hole.
Zack’s fully hard again, the tip flushed red and glistening with precum. Cloud feels so bad, already giving off the impression he’s a lousy lay and he refuses to let this be the perception Zack has of him.
So he reaches out for Zack’s hand, still wrapped around his own cock, to guide it lower. Zack shifts closer, causes Cloud to almost curl into himself. His shoulder blades are pressed into the headboard, lower back lifted up and supported by Zack’s muscular thighs.
Takes this opportunity to wrap his legs around Zack’s waist and his calves connect with the hard, sinewy muscles of Zack’s back. Zack grabs the bottle of lube that was actually lying just beside them and pours way more than he did the first time, eyes closed and shivering as he spreads the cold liquid all over his length.
Cloud watches, swallowing a quiet gulp. Heat flares from his stomach and his cock hardens as Zack lines himself up and ever so slowly, pushes inside him. He’s pressed a palm on the headboard next to Cloud’s head to brace himself and Gaia, he wants to bite Zack’s flexed bicep.
More so when the pressure of Zack’s cock is nudging its way past that first ring of muscle. But gripping the sheets with his hands will have to suffice.
“Breathe for me Cloud, baby. Almost there, let me in again.”
Zack keeps pushing inside, and Gods, he’s so thick. How did this fit inside him five minutes ago?! Incredulity aside, Cloud does take some deep breaths to relax, the hand holding his hip caresses his stomach in soothing circles.
“Unnngghh that’s it, sweetheart,” Zack groans, once he’s buried deep, deep inside, his voice husky and cracked.
Cloud lets out a quiet whimper; it’s like air is being drawn in and out of his lungs simultaneously at the pet name, the chasm in his chest splitting deeper.
He looks up when Zack rests his forehead against his, panting heavily and dark lashes fluttering over closed eyes. Under his honey-brown skin, Zack’s cheeks are flushed pink and Cloud notices how slack Zack’s shoulders have gone. The crease between his brow that had persisted after Cloud begged him not to stop has disappeared, like all the tension in his body had been thrust into Cloud instead.
And that’s fine. Great, even.
If sex is what provides relief for Zack — if Cloud can help Zack relax — then he can do that.
The thinking stops when Zack’s hand moves from his stomach to his pec to rub circles on his nipple, flicking it until Cloud can’t hold in a whine anymore and bucks his hips. Cloud sees the tilt of a smile before Zack hooks both of Cloud’s legs under his forearms. Brings both hands to grip the back of Cloud’s neck, only far back enough that his thumbs can still brush against his face.
With their bodies flush together and the backs of Cloud’s knees over Zack’s arms, Cloud’s knees are pressed almost to his shoulders and he feels like he’s being stretched everywhere. He lets out a marked, breathy gasp and —
Zack starts rolling his hips. Pulls himself back out almost to the tip before sliding back in with a lewd grunt each time, muttering various combinations of ‘fuck,’ ‘so good,’ and ‘fuckin’ tight.’
And he is tight — so, so tight still. But there’s no burn from the pressure as Zack stretches him with each slide; it’s just a gleaming, incandescent spark of pleasure that beams from his core, so brilliantly bright that it threatens to blind him.
“You sound so fucking hot, fuck,” Zack growls through gritted teeth and he stares into Cloud with eyes so dark and hungry, it sends a jolt to his groin and he clenches. “Nnnngh, yeah baby just like that.”
Cloud was unaware he’d been making noises — doesn’t even get a moment to feel embarrassed because Zack gets on his knees while moving his hands to lift Cloud up gripping him by the back of his thighs. On instinct, Cloud grabs Zack’s broad-shoulders, fingers clamped down till Zack’s skin is white and the thickset muscles adds to Cloud’s arousal. Zack leans him harder into the headboard and just fucks up into him.
It’s relentless — the brutal pace that Zack sets. The grip on his thighs is bruising as he slams into Cloud’s sweet spot over and over again, every nerve in his body alight. Enough time has passed that the constant prodding on his prostate isn’t intensely overstimulating — just shy of too much that it’s exciting, sending shock waves as he melts into the pleasure.
Zack hasn’t shut the fuck up and no amount of pounding blood can stop Cloud from hearing the filthy words pouring from Zack’s mouth. Just a constant stream of babbles and unrestrained ragged groans, “Nnng Cloud, feel so fucking good inside you. So warm, wrapped around my cock like your hole was made for me, babe.”
Cloud definitely can’t hear any noises if he’s making any — his blood is pounding in his ears and he’s clutching at Zack’s shoulders with sweaty palms like his sanity depends on it. The air is heavy and thick with the scent of sex and all he hears, aside from Zack’s chattering, is the lewd slapping of skin on skin.
One particularly hard thrust is followed by a grind of Zack’s hips. The firm ridges of Zack’s dick rub at his sensitive, abused walls and blasts a blaring rhapsody of sensations that makes his head spin.
Cloud curls forward with a battered groan, moving his back away from the headboard, arms wrapped around Zack’s neck completely and Zack —
Zack’s still on his knees and somehow, keeps his hold on Cloud. Just tightens his already bruising grip on Cloud’s thighs and starts bouncing Cloud on his cock like he weighs nothing. It short-circuits his brain, almost like a record scratch on a turntable as he processes that Zack is strong enough to bench press him over his cock.
One hand still tightly wrapped around Zack’s neck, he allows the other one to drift down Zack’s arm. Predictably, Zack’s bicep is flexed and tense from holding Cloud up and it’s so impossibly solid that Cloud can’t help but give it a brief squeeze. The flesh under his fingertips is hot and damp from exertion, drives the prickling heat in his stomach forward and he lurches to his breaking point.
They’re both clambering for release. Cloud sees it in the way Zack’s pupils are blown out and his chest heaves. It’s in the way Zack’s steady thrusts start to falter — ruts desperately into Cloud’s hole with his lips parted that filthier words fall from.
“Nnnngh, fuuuuck yeah. Need you to come again baby. Want you to come from just my cock again. Can you do that for me?”
Cloud is nodding furiously, absolutely totalled. If Zack keeps ramming his cock against his prostate like this over and over again, he’s definitely coming untouched.
“Good boy,” Zack coos, still brutally snapping his hips.
Those words send Cloud over the edge. Cloud keens, choked and gravelly as his second orgasm of the night paints his stomach and chest; Zack watches him with glazed eyes, seemingly enthralled by the sight.
“Fucking angel,” Zack groans, thrusting one last time before his head falls forward, tiny jerks of his hips as he comes — the arrhythmic pulsing of Zack’s cock against his tight walls and the hot, liquid release marking him pleases Cloud to such a degree, his cock twitches.
But he’s truly spent and so is Zack, whose arms are shaky as he lowers Cloud onto his back. Zack follows him down, forehead against his again. They’re both panting, hot breaths mingling and shiver simultaneously as they ride out the aftershocks of their orgasms — Zack’s cock softening inside of him. “Mmmmmm, that was great — needed that,” Zack hums, eyes closed.
Zack’s lip envelop his and Cloud parts them, exchanging soft kisses as if they were devoted lovers and not best friend’s who just fucked for some release. Cloud ignores the rift in his chest as they make out and focuses on how his body is sore in all the right places instead.
He releases a shaky sigh when they pull apart and Zack uses that opportunity to pull out with a shiver. Cloud can’t look Zack in the eye, something he must’ve predicted because he just laughs and says, “Going shy on me now?”
“Shut up, you’re such an asshole,” Cloud says with a glare, pushing at Zack’s chest with his hands to get him off, unsuccessfully.
“No, I was in your asshole,” Zack says, with the widest grin.
“Oh my god, Zack,” Cloud says, covering his face with his hands as his whole body burns from embarrassment, the heat reaching the tips of his ears.
Zack laughs, his whole body shaking and his head thrown back. Then reaches for the tissue box on his bedside table and starts wiping off the cum on Cloud’s chest and stomach, “You’re so damn cute, Cloudy.”
“I’m not cute,” Cloud utters through his fingers.
“Whatever you say short-stuff. Why don’t you go and shower first — I should change my sheets before I get too tired.”
It’s a get outta jail free card from further embarrassment — ignores Zack’s laughter as he grimaces from the cum that drips out of him as he scuttles off to the bathroom.
He spends most of the time trying to clean himself out as best he can. Must’ve spent longer than he thought in there because by the time he’s out, Zack’s sheets are fresh but he’s nowhere to be seen.
Cloud picks up his phone and sees a text from Zack, informing him he’s gone to steal Kunsel’s shower. It’s happened before — Cloud taking a little too long in the shower and instead of rushing him, goes to Kunsel’s down the hallway.
Cloud tidies up their makeshift lounge area, disposing most of the snacks that are now stale from being left out too long and turns off the television.
Right as he’s getting into his bed, Zack returns and as usual, only has a towel wrapped around his waist. The smile he enters with promptly turns to a frown when he spots Cloud in his bed.
“What’s wrong?” Cloud asks, his mind jumping to a million reasons for what could be wrong, all of them with Zack stating he’s made a mistake.
“What’re you doing in your bed? I was comfier with you in mine, come on.”
And Cloud isn’t given a chance to argue or put on a pair of boxer briefs before getting dragged back into Zack’s bed, his back pressed against the solid planes of Zack’s chest and a softened cock nestled between his ass cheeks.
A tight arm grips around his waist and Cloud closes his eyes. It’s quiet for a bit, dual even breaths fill their dorm like usual. Only this time, the other one is a hell of a lot closer. Then the ghost of a warm breath tickles his ear, “You look so fucking sexy when you come, you know that? Like a fucking angel.”
Cloud shivers, feels both his and Zack’s arousal's returning, with Zack pressed so tight against him that his steadily hardening length start nudging his cheeks apart. Cloud rolls his hips back a little, trying for subtlety.
“Oh, so it’s like that, huh?” Zack murmurs with a quiet chuckle, grinding forward to bury his dick further between Cloud’s ass cheeks. The arm around his waist shifts and Zack’s large palm begins caressing his lower abdomen, fingertips tracing gentle circles before wrapping around his semi-hard cock.
Cloud winces, still over sensitive from coming twice so Zack lightens his grip. Choosing to mimic the gentle touches on his stomach instead. Warm fingertips graze over his semi-flaccid cock, his balls, his taint — all while leaving soft kisses at the nape of his neck.
“Haven’t had enough of me yet?” Zack asks with a quiet chuckle.
No…no Cloud hasn’t and he says as much by pushing his hips back and shifts his upper knee forward to open himself up again. Zack withdraws his hand from where it was in front of Cloud and fingertips slide down his lower back until firmly grabbing his ass and squeezing it, “Your ass is a fucking masterpiece.”
Cloud lets out a ‘pfffft’ sound and whispers, “That’s really corny, Zack.”
And there’s shaking behind him from Zack presumably laughing. Followed by a click of what Cloud knows now is the cap of a lube bottle, confirmed when Zack slips his middle finger inside of Cloud, the mild chill evaporating quickly. “Maybe, doesn’t mean it’s not true.”
He’s already pushing himself back against Zack as two fingers enter him. There’s no pain from being stretched considering he got fucked loose by the same guy behind more just over an hour ago. It’s probably not a good idea because he feels a little raw but he’s unsure if this’ll be a regular thing with Zack so he’ll push through it. For Zack, with Zack.
They remain in this position; both on their sides with Zack behind him and by the time Zack thrusts inside of him, Cloud’s hand is on his own hips with Zack’s fingers threaded through his. This time, Zack fucks him so slowly. Deep, relaxed rolls of his hips that rubs his insides better than before. It’s gentle and almost…sensual.
Behind him, he can hear Zack’s quiet mutterings, “So gorgeous — sound and feel incredible, fucking angel,” while nipping and sucking his neck. Keeps fucking him like this the whole time and it’s different this time when he’s about to come.
Before, it was a rush, a shot of adrenaline to his chest. This time, his fingers entwined with Zack’s, he feels wholly like he’s on the precipice of falling off a cliff with only jagged rocks below to cushion his fall.
He comes with a cry, and smashes his face against Zack’s pillow to soak up the trail of tears that he hadn’t wanted to escape.
Zack follows him with a few short thrusts and falls asleep almost straight after; Cloud stays awake for far longer wondering if he’s the one who’s made a mistake.
They never discuss what that night meant — if it meant anything at all. It’s a discussion that Cloud thinks they should have but never will.
Cloud gets it — they’re both studying intensive degrees: Cloud’s studying mechanical engineering and Zack in health science, majoring in physical therapy.
Zack’s also busy with his friends and swimming and Cloud’s busy pretending he has friends and not internally combusting from loneliness and heartache.
Nothing really changes after that night either. Zack’s just as handsy with him as before — maybe even a little more so, but not enough for it to be indicative that anything has changed between them.
So Cloud takes it as: no, it didn’t mean anything, just bros who fucked – or are fucking, because it happens again and again and again.
Always at the initiative of Zack. Not that Cloud doesn’t want to. He just doesn’t think he’d be able to bear it if Zack said something like: “I don’t think we should do this anymore.” Even imagining such a response spurs a bone-deep ache — utterly terrified of what that ache might transform into if it were to become reality.
It’s the same with the platonic cuddling, hugging and hand-holding that develops later on. Terrified of overstepping or misreading the situation.
So he never initiates, never asks, and waits.
Not that he ever has to wait long. Zack’s a fit, healthy guy in his prime with the libido to match. Usually happens late at night, in the dark, after a movie or a long gaming session. Pressed against each other in some way; Zack’s knee against Cloud’s thigh, or Cloud’s legs over Zack’s lap.
Some months down the track, Zack decides he prefers sitting on the floor as they game. His legs always spread wide enough for Cloud to sit between them, pressed against Zack’s solid chest and his chin hooked over Cloud’s shoulder.
It doesn’t always end with Zack balls-deep in Cloud. Zack’s tongue works magic eating him out, face pressed deep between his cheeks. They’ve sucked each other off, often simultaneously, because Zack likes it when they come at the same time. It’s not his favourite position. His arms get tired from having to prop himself up. But when Zack asks – for anything really – Cloud can’t say no.
Sometimes, they’ll be on the couch spooning, halfway through a movie and Zack’s wandering hands will find their way down the front of Cloud’s pants. Cloud will feel Zack’s dick harden behind him and a large palm smearing precum between his thighs. Always hesitates before pulling down the waistband of Cloud’s sweatpants; a sweet gesture, giving Cloud the chance to say no (he never does).
Then the quiet rustle of Zack pulling his pants down just to the tops of his thighs and then – the hot, slickened tip of Zack’s throbbing cock slowly pushing between his thighs.
Zack always thrusts back and forth so damn slowly. Tilts his hips up when he does, his balls and the underside of his cock feeling every throb and pulse, the sensations melding to Cloud’s body.
Every time, he keeps a languid pace for the rest of the movie. It drives Cloud insane, especially because he knows Zack does it on purpose – likes how Cloud ends up whining and desperate and begging by the end credits.
"Say my name,” Zack will whisper into his ear, and when Cloud does, Zack flips him around and wraps a hand around the both of them. They’re both so worked up by this point that Zack only has to jerk his hand a few times before they finish, gasping and moaning at the feel of hot cum spilling onto each other’s cocks.
Those nights do end the same though: Cloud’s small form pressed against Zack’s impossibly built body. It’s probably his favourite part of those nights. The only time he permits himself to pretend as he’s held close by his waist.
(Zack’s weirdly fascinated with his waist. Marvelled at how much surface area he was able to cover when wrapped around his hands around them. Mouth and eyes wide, like he’d seen the Old Gods or something. Cloud didn’t get it, but he liked that Zack looked so pleased with his mere existence that he didn’t object to the attention.)
In those moments before falling asleep in Zack’s arms, he pretends that he’s in a universe where Zack wants everything from Cloud as well. Indulges himself and thinks about how nice it’d be if he was in bed with a Zack who’s his boyfriend and very much in love with him. Actively avoids thinking about the Zack who’s just his best buddy that fucks him sometimes.
They rank second in his list of preferable moments, he thinks. Sleeping surpasses it by the tiniest margin because when he’s asleep, well, he doesn’t have to think at all.
Waking up the next morning is always like experiencing whiplash in slow motion. The uncomfortable scratchy grit in his eyes extends beyond his physical senses, sits intangibly inside of him, out of reach and helpless to remove. His conscious mind recognising that they’ll pull apart soon, get out of bed and go back to whatever the fuck it is they are.
So desperate to preserve these moments of intimacy (and because they usually end up with their bare chest and hips flush together, cocks hard) Cloud will subtly move against Zack’s cock. Presses whatever body part is closest under the guise of a morning stretch.
Zack will wake up and tilt Cloud’s head up to look at him with sleepy eyes that holds a burning flame behind the drowsiness. Kisses him softly before Cloud slots a leg between Zack’s, who will grab Cloud’s ass to press them closer together, his fingers digging into the flesh and rubbing at Cloud’s hole. It’s usually the moment their kisses get sloppier and they’re both grinding against each other, moaning obscenely into each other’s mouths before making another mess in Zack’s bed.
The bed he begrudgingly gets out of to return to a dynamic that isn’t enough for him. He knows it’s greedy, and the guilt that what Zack’s so graciously offering him isn’t enough becomes a haunting spectre that follows him like a second shadow.
But he can’t help it — kicks himself for not having the foresight to see how inevitable this was.
For 18 years, love was an abstract concept to Cloud. Sure, he knew he loved his Ma, but that was the extent of it. He couldn’t know love between friends when he never had any. Experiencing the early stages of love was impossible when he was repulsed both by and to the townspeople.
He doesn’t count the brief crush he had on his neighbour, Tifa Lockhart. Promptly realised that his interest in her stemmed solely from the fact that she didn’t treat him like a leper.
(During puberty, his foray into the more explicit side of the internet also made him realise that he was in fact, very gay.)
Suffice to say, growing up in Nibelheim was isolating and the alienation turned Cloud cynical and pessimistic.
So, the first time Cloud saw the world as glass half full, was the day he received his acceptance letter to Midgar U. Enclosed was a document that awarded him a full academic scholarship as well. Turns out being shunned had its perks, with Cloud spending all of his free time studying. It was all he could do in a small, cold town and no friends.
Moving away from Nibelheim was an opportunity — a chance to start anew. All he could hope for was escaping his position as the town outcast.
So finding, wanting and understanding love in all its forms was barely a blip in his periphery when he moved to Midgar.
Then he meets Zack. Gorgeous and popular Zack Fair, who decides Cloud is the one worth most of his time.
Acts like he genuinely enjoys spending time with Cloud and not doing it out of pity or because his mum said it’d be rude not to. Runs to him first at the end of his races during his swim meets. Texts him to make sure he’s consumed more than two large coffees after lunch most days. If he hasn’t, Zack miraculously pops up out of nowhere with sandwiches for the both of them (because much like Zack’s wallet, his stomach is also a bottomless pit).
Before they’d even fucked for the first time, Zack realised none of the clothes Cloud owned were warm or wind-resistant enough for Midgar winters. Despite growing up in Nibelheim, notorious for its freezing climate, he never spent enough time outside to acclimatise to the cold. His oversized hoodies layered with plaid shirts still left him shivering.
Two weeks into winter, Zack presents a hooded matte black puffer jacket with the light scent of goose down. Inside the hood, the word ‘Moncler’ was printed repeatedly in white text, and Cloud knew that jacket cost more than his entire wardrobe, and then some. Cloud’s definitely seen photos of Rufus Shinra wearing that exact same jacket on his annual trips to Icicle Inn. He’d tried to refuse it, thrusting it back at Zack when he realised it was for him.
Then Zack had pulled his puppy dog eyes and insisted Cloud would be doing Zack a favour by accepting, with the reasoning, “It hurts seeing you so cold all the time, Spike. Plus, it’s like…an investment for me, ‘cuz now we won’t have to stay inside all winter.”
Which didn’t make any sense because there was nothing stopping Zack from leaving their dorm. However, Cloud had relented, already unable to say no to Zack at that point (especially when he pulls that face) — though not before repeatedly thanking Zack and then voicing his disapproval at the lavish purchase.
Cloud was certain that none of his chastising registered, that he’d wasted his breath — because as soon as Cloud relented, Zack smiled wide like the idiot jock Cloud first pegged him as. His expression was mindless and Cloud just knew Zack’s brain was looping Sandstorm again.
(He’d never admit it to Zack, but he’s glad he kept it; the jacket swallows him whole, makes him feel safe and was basically impenetrable to the harsh winds in Midgar.)
So no, he definitely hadn’t been looking or wanting to find love when he moved to Midgar.
But if the way Zack’s hugs and natural scent at the base of his neck makes him feel — mind and body lighter at the end of a hard day — he’s pretty sure he understands it now.
It should’ve been obvious to Cloud. Zack is a complete 180 from what he’s known his entire life; social isolation, looks of contempt at every turn, constant reminders that he was nothing — a nobody who was unwanted.
Zack shows a fantastical level of consideration for Cloud; fulfilling wants that Cloud always refused to acknowledge as a child and teen but yearned for within his subconscious. Zack made him feel like he mattered — even on the most basic level — and that was apparently enough for him.
There’s no way he’s ever bringing it up. Zack’s the first and only real friend he’s had at this point. Cloud can’t disrupt what they have by being too greedy or annoying. Zack provides no inclination that there’s anything to discuss or define — almost an unspoken understanding that a relationship is out of the question.
It’s just…nobody’s cared about him like this aside from his Ma and it’s so nice.
But that’s just it. Zack is nice. To everyone. Seen his thoughtfulness extend to his friends. He’ll pick up an extra coffee for Kunsel if they’ve got class together or race down to the campus gym if Rude needs a spotter. It’s nothing special — he’s nothing special to Zack.
So he takes what he can get. Moments of affection and intimacy whenever Zack offers it. Like how Cloud’s always encased in Zack’s large frame after he’s fucked Cloud full of his cum, nose buried in Cloud’s hair while they sleep. Pulling Cloud onto his lap halfway through a movie while grumbling out, “Too far, Spike.”
Cuddling becomes a staple when they watch movies too. Zack’s touch becomes second-nature and ever present. Sometimes, Zack even holds his hand when they’re out.
It’s always within some “jokey” context. Swinging their hands in exaggerated movements, over the top declarations of love. Like it’s such a silly concept that they would ever actually seriously hold hands like a couple. Cloud just grins and bears it but these moments — they hurt the most.
At the very least, he was getting laid. Which is more than he expected for his first year of college. Though he may have underestimated his appeal (physically, at least) if Zack’s teammates are any indication.
Once they became attached to the hip (well, more like Zack becomes attached to Cloud’s hip) Zack insists that Cloud studies at their campus pool while Zack trains. “Don’t want ya always locked in our dorm, Spike!”
And Cloud, of course, obliges. He’s glad for it though. It is nice that he isn’t isolated in their little dorm all the time. The smell of chlorine is inoffensive and actually kind of pleasant to him — maybe because the scent is one he’s come to associate with Zack.
The infrequent whistles from coaches and beeps from timers — while startling at first — becomes background noise. The slosh and splash of water as Zack and his team mates do laps of various styles is soothing and he studies uninterrupted, usually.
Until one of them, he thinks his name is Essai, gets baited into defending his heterosexuality.
It’s not the echoed yelling and splashing that distracts him. It’s the fact that Coach Heidegger pulls them out of the pool and orders the whole team to do fifty push ups as punishment. The whole team gets out of the water in their speedos, goggles and swimming caps and everyone looks ridiculous.
Except Zack.
Who comes out of the pool dripping wet, chlorinated water trailing down his abs and Cloud forgets whatever he’s working on. Zack always throws a quick wink and a wide grin in his direction, much to Cloud’s chagrin. Then he drops down to the balls of his feet, his palms flat on the concrete flooring and body perfectly straight before repeatedly pushing into the floor as their coach counted to fifty.
He always tries to be inconspicuous about it. Stares through his bangs at Zack’s tanned, muscled body lowering down before pushing back up. The prominent, powerful muscles of his upper back and shoulders he’s used to hold Cloud up in the air as he fucks him contracting each time, his ass clenched to hold his back and legs straight — Cloud’s privately glad these punishments are doled out fairly often.
According to Zack, Essai claims he’s very straight and refuses to acknowledge a very obvious crush on the guy who lives in the dorm across from him. He’s also complimented Cloud on his appearance a few times in rather…questionable ways (much to Zack’s annoyance).
“Bro…you’ve got really pretty eyes…it’s like…staring into the water at Costa del Sol beaches…” he’d said to Cloud when Zack first introduced him, then stared at Cloud until his best friend Sebastian nudged him.
Another time, when the weather was warmer, Cloud was wearing black cargo shorts and a semi-cropped turtleneck that stopped tight above his naval, Essai had said, “Woah, you’ve got legs for days man.”
Soon after, when Cloud wore the same outfit, Essai joked, “Dude, I bet you I could wrap my hands around your waist and my fingers would touch.”
But as soon as he’d reached his hands out to do exactly that, Zack slapped his hands away and stood in front of Cloud with his arms crossed. Cloud was just entirely perplexed by Essai’s whole existence at this point. Thankfully, Essai had some common sense because he went pink in the face and scurried off to the change rooms.
“You okay?” Zack asked, rubbing up and down Cloud’s arms with damp hands, all pruney and wrinkled from being in the water for an hour.
“Y-Yeah, I’m fine,” Cloud replied, a little flustered that Zack was comforting him like this in public.
The rest of Zack’s teammates are mostly nice. A few had taken to calling him ‘pretty eyes’ or ‘sweet cheeks.’ For a while, Zack would tell them to cut it out and while his tone was humourless, they hadn’t stopped — figured Zack was joking.
Then two months after they first slept together, Lux greeted Cloud with “Hey there, pretty eyes,” and Zack snapped with enough anger in front of the whole team that it caught Cloud off-guard.
Cloud assumes Zack noticed how uncomfortable the nicknames made him. That, or Zack couldn’t risk the nicknames devolving into flirting. Assumed it would work with Cloud and he’d end up dating one of them, losing access to his quick fuck.
Most of them stopped after that outburst though.
All except one; Roche. He’s the one teammate who’s weirder than Essai and seems a little insane.
Cloud doesn’t want to presume or seem conceited but he’s almost certain Roche is a little obsessed with him. Especially when Cloud let it slip that he’s a fan of motorbikes.
He’s never used the same nicknames as the others. Instead, greeting Cloud with “kitten” or “delicate flower” followed by a deeply dramatic bow. Cloud has no idea what the fuck to do with that. The first time, he just gave an awkward bow back. Then Zack had assured him that Roche was a bit ‘in the head’ and to ignore him.
Which probably wasn’t the best advice because each time, always in only his speedos, Roche lets out an unnervingly wild laugh and says, “This won’t be our last dance, my delicious sunflower.”
A few months of this back and kind-of forth, during their scheduled gaming nights, Cloud makes the unfortunate choice to be the one to answer a knock at their dorm door. It’s Roche holding a bouquet of actual sunflowers.
As usual, Roche does his weird dramatic bow where one foot is crossed behind the other and one hand sweeps out, then says, “Grant me the pleasure of taking you on a ride atop my metal beast, I want to make your kitty purr.”
Cloud’s mouth gapes like a fish because what the fuck. He just stares at the flowers thrust in front of him like it’s a Petri dish containing the bubonic plague, before hearing some shuffling and footsteps.
Zack’s gotten up from the couch having clearly heard Roche’s nonsense. His fists are clenched and his whole body is taut with tension by the time he reaches the door. One incredulous look later, Zack snatches the flowers from him, says “Go home,” and slams the door in his face.
“This won’t be our last rumble, Fair,” Roche replies, muffled but cocky.
Cloud breathes a sigh of relief. He’s so grateful he’s got Zack in his corner, always saving him from anything and everything. The sex is good too. Though some days, he questions if it’s really worth it.
Before their friendship devolved into something more intimate, the resounding cry of loneliness dulled. It remained dull, even when Zack wasn’t around. Now, when Zack’s not around, the loneliness is magnified. Like noticing a splinter for the first time, the previously muted throbbing turning into a nagging, ever-present sting.
But compared to what little Cloud had before he met Zack, what they have for the rest of that first year is enough.
More than enough.