Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

My name is Richard B. Riddick. The B stands for Beatrice. Except I don’t like Beatrice. I just like B and that’s all.

I have a bounty on my head.

Having a bounty on your head is when you get hunted down and captured. Getting captured is where you go to meet new friends and not watch TV.

The bounty on my head is the kind where it’s carried out right now by a fucking insulting 4-man crew.

Today was the day they were on my tail on Planet U.V.6. I was hopping on top of all of these rock formations trying to get away all lickety-split. I’ve done this all before, though.

The merc in charge was talking about it being “the biggest payday ever” and “throwing on a fresh pair of panties,” and flinging all these rope nets at me.

“Riddick,” the leader man in charge said in a voice that sounded like he smelled something gross.

He forgot the “B.” Now this meant business.

But that was when I ghosted two of his gunners and hijacked his ship.

“You made three mistakes,” I said from inside his ship as he turned around. “I can even sing them... Except I don’t feel like it right now.”

He reached for the gun. Only it didn’t work that good, 'cause the gun rack was now empty.

His name was Toombs — I can’t remember the rest of it.

Toombs said my bounty was 1 million.

“I know it’s not 1 million,” I said. “That’s because I know no slam pays that for a convict.”

I held my knife way high in the air.

“See how shiny this knife is? Before I tore it through your clothes, I licked it.

“And guess what else?” I said. “This is my ship now.”

Before I pushed Toombs out of the ship, he had told me that the bounty came from New Mecca in Helion Prime. I knew who was behind it. That Imam. The man I had met 5 years ago on that stupid smelly Hunter-Gratzner. Only that guy knew where I would be.

But guess what? That Imam was supposed to be my friend.

“I hate that Imam,” I huffed.

Chapter Text

The trip to Helion Prime wasn’t like my usual kind of trip at all. A man in another ship slammed next to me when I got there and told me I needed to follow him for security purposes. But I said “Follow this” right out loud and knocked him down. ‘Cause my arms didn’t want to do that, that’s why.

I found That Imam’s house and entered it. I saw his big, fancy mirror and said, “I would like to sit here, I think,” and I took out my shaving supplies and I shaved off my hair and beard.

Not long after, I heard That Imam entering the house.

“Did you know all your doors were locked?” I said.

My head was all shiny now, but I didn’t spit on it this time.

That Imam had a lot of explaining to do.

“Were it not for the threat of invasion, I never would have betrayed you,” That Imam said. But I still felt squeezy in my tummy.

Then I saw Imam's wife on the level above me. She paused and scrunched up her face as if she smelled stinky feet and said “Riddick.” She ushered her child to move out of sight.

That was mean. The pouring-chocolate-milk-on-your-head kind of mean.

You know why else I know that she was mean? Because she forgot the “B.”

That Imam showed me a big bright comet outside the window. He told me this was the sign of the world ending. That these mean, ugly people go from system to system and show them who’s boss. And then the system is no more, that’s what.

“My God, how do I save my family?” That Imam sighed.

“You said it’s all circling the drain. The whole universe. Right?” I replied. I learned that from taking the lid off the toilet tank and watching the little ball thing float up. I’ve always felt like life was like a giant turd.

“That’s right,” That Imam said.

“Had to end sometime,” I concluded.

Chapter Text

Then That Imam brought all these men with big hoods and cloaks inside his house. And they all stood there in a line. And I could also feel a whooshy sensation all around my body, but it didn’t make sense, on account of we were indoors, not outside.

I held my shiny knife out right out into the open and an old lady in a cloak appeared ‘cause it was right at her neck. That meant she was the one whooshing and zipping around me the whole time all annoying.

“And whose throat is this?” I asked.

The old lady was called an Elemental, and she went by the name of Aereon. Elementals are like people, except they’re not always visible and they get on your nerves real quick. She told me to let her talk, because only she could remove the bounty on my head and explain it all. So I kept my lips zipped.

Aereon told me that those mean people who keep stealing the galaxies are called Necromongers and they’re really tough. And they convert or kill every last human life they find. And I didn’t see what that had to do with necks, but I let her keep talking ‘cause my lips were zipped, remember?

And that’s when she said that the only race that the Necromongers are scared of are the Furyans.

“Maybe you should pretend like you’re talking to someone educated in the penal system. In fact, don’t pretend,” I said, because it was true.

“There is a story, Riddick, of young Furyans strangled at birth. Strangled with their own cords,” said That Imam. “When Aereon told me this story to the Helion Leaders, I told her of you.”

And then they all started to ask me all of these questions, like “What do you know of your early years?” and “Do you remember your homeworld? Where was it?” and “Have you met any others?” and it went on and on and on and on.

I got tired of the million bajillion questions and I gave Aereon a grumpy face. I said I don’t care about all of that. I said I just want the bounty off my head.

Then I heard a Bang! Bang! Bang! On the door. Soldiers outside were trying to come in. ‘Cause guess what? They were looking for me!

Chapter Text

That Imam’s meanie wife said they were searching houses and thought I was a spy. That Imam called her “Lajjun,” I think.

“I will send them away,” That Imam said. “But wait one minute please. Will you wait one minute to save worlds?”

Except I didn’t want to. “Not my fight,” I said, picking up my shiny knife.

“So you will leave us to our fate?” That Imam said. “Just like you did her.” Then he left.

I did a big breath and pretended in my head that he did not bring up my old friend because it made me feel squeazy inside.

Then out of the window I saw all the soldiers and clerics fighting.

“There is no one here,” Lajjun said.

“You don’t understand. He can help us!” hollered a cleric.

“Why did you have to tell them that for, Cleric?” I huffed kind of grouchy to myself.

Then I heard the soldiers pushing open the doors very slow because of the stupid thing that cleric said. I had my back faced to them. I saw that in a movie once. It looks cool, I think.

“You’re not afraid of the dark, are you?” I asked. “The light hurts my eyes.”

Then I put the candles out in front of me with my bare hands. It hurt. I didn’t flinch, though. ‘Cause I’m not a baby, that’s why.

Also guess what? I have a special power - I can see near perfect in the dark. But when it’s bright, I have to put these darkish goggles on, on account of brightness hurts me, even if it makes me look like a bug. So I took all of those men out in a jiffy.

Then when I was all done, I confrontated That Imam.

“You mentioned her,” I said.

Imam told me that my friend Jack went looking for me and ended up in prison on Crematoria. Crematoria is where it’s so hot that if you set your foot on the ground you’d burn to a crisp.

I did not like what That Imam had to say next.

“Young Jack. She thought of you as her older brother. She worshiped you.”

“You were supposed to watch her,” I said in a growly voice.

“She never forgave you for leaving,” That Imam hollered. “Just when she needed you the most.”

“She needed to stay away from me,” I said all quiet. I added, “You all do,” because he’s not the boss of me.

“Riddick,” Imam’s daughter said as I walked out of the house. “Are you gonna stop the new monsters now?”

I gave her a blankish look and I walked away without saying anything. ‘Cause guess what, she forgot the “B.”

Chapter Text

Only I didn’t get very far, because what looked like loud fireworks swept across the sky, all loud and banging. Except it wasn’t fireworks, it was the Necromongers saying hello to everyone all disruptingly.

A ship fell nearby and the whole place became black and dusty. And then I heard everyone in the city talking and hollering all at once. And all the lights turned off.

I looked up, and there was a big tall ship with a face and a crazy design I’ve never seen anything like. And I took my goggles off and saw all of these other tiny ships zooming out of it!

And that’s when I knew my business with That Imam wasn’t done yet.

I found That Imam as some shooting and stomping Necromongers appeared and I pulled him behind some rock. It was just him, though, and not his wife and kid.

“Lajjun and Ziza!” he said.

“When it’s over,” I said.

“Let me go! I must get to my family,” Imam said all urgent.

“When it’s over,” I said growlishly.

And then after seeing a big bright ‘splosion nearby that knocked all the Helion soldier guys over, I said, “Let’s get your family.”

That Imam and his family hid while I kept my eyes out to scope the situation. I saw some Necromongers approach and I leaned back into the shadows all smooth. That Imam shouted to get their attention and he rushed off.

But a lone Necromonger - that goes by the name of Lensor, I think, with a big purple goggle over its face - found Lajjun, I angrily grabbed him and forced him to look at my big, mean face, and then he fell over all limp.

But then I heard some commotion upstairs and found that That Imam wasn’t there, ‘cause he was on the floor over there from where he led the rest of the Necromongers. I was too late. He was asleep. I took his sharp tooth necklace for safekeeping.

Chapter Text

Then the stupid smelly Necromongers took everyone back to their new headquarters in Helion Prime.

And then a man called Lord Marshal Zhylaw entered the room. He wore a mask with faces on each side, only it didn’t work that good, ‘cause I could tell which one was his.

Then a man who went by the name of The Purifier spoke to the crowd of everyone. Why he was named after an air purifier, though, I do not know. No one will respect you if you call yourself that, I think.

He said, “In this ‘verse, humans have been fractured. Divided by all their many races, creeds, and mistaken faiths. Our purpose is to correct that mistake. Because there is another ‘verse.”

If only he could just finish all the ‘verses and end the stupid song he was talking about because he just blabbed on and on and on.

“Another universe that He has found, where anyone can begin anew. Where you can live free of pain. A perfect new place, called Underverse,” continued The Purifier.

Ha! “Underverse,” like “underwear?”

“Look around you,” said Lord Marshal Zhylaw. “Every Necromonger in this hall, every one of the Legion Vast that just swept aside your defenses in one night was once like you. Fought as feebly as you. Because every Necromonger that lives today is a convert.”

I think his name should be Shylaw instead, ‘cause I could beat him up in a jiffy.

“We all began as something else!” The Purifier then hollered, ‘cause everyone else was shouting loud over him. “It was hard for me to accept, too, when I first heard these words. But I changed. I let them take away my pain. And I changed, just as you will change when you realize that the Underverse will be reached only by those who have embraced the Necromonger faith. For those of you who will right now drop to your knees and ask to be purified.”

That Shylaw and the Purifier are stupid dumb meanies, worse than any bullies I’ve seen who pour chocolate milk on your head.

“We will not renounce our faith!” one man said.

“No one here will do what you ask,” said another, stepping out of the crowd, on account of no one wanting to join the Underwear. “It is unthinkable! This is a world of many peoples! Many religions! And we simply cannot and will not be converted.”

Shylaw grabbed him and said, “Then I’ll take your soul.”

And what do you know? He took a clearer version of that man’s body out of his body, and the man slumped to the floor. I think that that Shylaw has some explaining to do, because I didn’t really get how that all worked, I tell you.

“Join him, or join me,” that Shylaw said.

Then everyone sat down all defeated.

Then I took off my hood. ‘Cause guess what? I was there the whole time.

Chapter Text

Then another Necromonger who went by the name of Vaako walked over to me and said, “This is your one chance. Take the Lord Marshal’s offer and bow.”

I looked at that puny guy who I could beat up, too.

“I bow to no man,” I said.

Vaako took his helmet off. To my surprise, he did not have helmet hair.

“He’s not a man,” he said. “He’s the holy Half-Dead who has seen the Underverse and returned with powers you can’t imagine.”

Whoever these guys were, they weren’t my friends and I was done with this place.

“Look, I’m not with everyone here,” I said all annoyed. Then I pointed at a Necromonger who went by Irgun, who was big and scary-looking. “But I will take a piece of him.”

“A piece you will have,” Vaako said and then walked away.

Irgun held his two axes up like it was show-and-tell. But when he swung them at me, I dodged them all smooth. And then I took this knife that was in his back and hit him on the chest with it, and then he fell over. And then he rolled down the stairs all clumsy. I did that once, but I’m not allowed to do that anymore, so I just stood there.

I was going to walk away, but I heard Lord Marshal Shylaw holler, “Stop him!”

Then he took Irgun’s knife and walked over to me with it. “Irgun. One of my best.”

I peered over his shoulder. ‘Cause he didn’t seem like the bestest soldier to me, that’s what. “If you say so,” I said.

Shylaw showed me the blade. “What do you think of this blade?

Not as shiny as mine, I thought, but I grabbed it and spun it around in my hands all cool. And then I handed it back to him and said, “I think it’s a half-gram heavy on the back end.”

“In our faith, you keep what you kill.”

“Keep what you kill” is a fancy way of saying “Finders keepers, losers weepers.”

As he grabbed the knife, I grabbed onto it too, just to show him that he’s not the boss of me. ‘Cause also, why did he just tell me I could keep it if he was gonna grab it? That’s what I’d like to know.

“Take him back to my ship for mind regression,” that jerk Shylaw said before walking away.

Then everyone surrounded me with guns and Vaako gave me a meanish look while holding his gun.

“Perhaps the breeder would do it if somebody just asked him,” a woman in a sparkly dress said. She went by the name of Dame Vaako, I think.

“It is a rare offer,” she said, circling me and getting very close to my face.

I sniffed her. ’Cause when you sniff, you can tell a lot about a person.

“It’s been a long time since I smelled beautiful,” I said, ‘cause it was true. I hadn’t smelled the smell of fancy perfume in a million bajillion years.

“Let me show you the way,” Dame Vaako said.

She arched her eyebrows and led me away. Vaako had a meanish scowl on his face. I don’t think he liked that all very much.

Chapter Text

Then we walked to another hallway together and she showed me the cathedral-looking main chamber. Or at least that’s what I think it was. I took off my goggles ‘cause it was kind of dark in there, and I saw giant statues of Necromongers posing in ways that looked like it hurt and marble flooring and lots of sculpted faces above me and airships floating above us.

Then Dame Vaako touched my face, and she said, “Beautiful eyes. Come.”

I could tell from Vaako’s face that he was not very happy to hear her calling me beautiful.

“Magnificent, isn’t it?” she asked as she led me further.

I tried not to seem too impressed, though. “I might have gone a different way,” I said.

“True of us all,” said The Purifier, who was also behind us for some reason.

I looked and then looked again all shocked at a bunch of chained up people hanging all unconscious down a hallway.

“Converts receiving the mark of the Necromonger,” The Purifier said.

They had big sharp spikes around their necks, like the jewelry some creepy people you’re not supposed to talk to might wear.

“They learn how one pain can lessen another,” The Purifier said.

Except that doesn’t make sense, though, on account of them not looking like they were having a lot of fun. It made me feel scary inside.

Then guess what? We went into another room, like the room we were just in, but smaller. It was filled with statues and there was a decoration of a skeleton there.

“There now. That is just perfect,” Dame Vaako said, as I stepped on what looked like a flower-shaped stone in the middle.

Then I looked up and saw Shylaw watching me from a balcony above all sneaky.

“The more you resist them, the greater the damage will be,” Dame Vaako said before she left. Except I didn’t know who she was talking about. And the Necromongers’ habit of saying weird things before walking out the door was kind of annoying me, is all.

Chapter Text

“A new one,” I heard a whisper.

I pulled out my new knife. Was it that nosy Aereon again?

“You’ve brought us a new one,” I heard another voice whisper in my ear.

And then, whoosh! My knife fell down onto the flower-shaped platform before me. It was a magnet! And then I felt myself pulled down onto all fours too!

“Interesting breeder,” Dame Vaako said above me. Whatever that meant.

And then what looked like very fancy coffins lowered around me on all sides. There were women inside of them sleeping under see-through sheets. It didn’t look like they were very comfortable.

And then a cup of dark water rippled.

“Making entry,” I heard them whisper. “This won’t take long.”

I scrunched up my face and released my scariest animal growl ‘cause I felt very squeasy inside and I didn’t know what was going on. Only that didn’t work so well, ‘cause they still didn’t stop.

“We’ve entered his neocortex,” I heard them whisper.

“Ahh! The Riddick!” I heard another one say.

“Regress,” Shylaw hollered from far away.

“Scanning fresh memories,” one of the creepy ladies said.

I growled again, ‘cause I wanted to tell them they forgot the B, but I couldn’t on account of not being able to talk.

“Thoughts of someone called Jack. Now we find thoughts of an Elemental. Furyans.”

Then everyone got silent.

I heard Shylaw walking closer. “Where does he come from?” he hollered. “Who are his people? These are the things I need to know.”

Except you don’t give personal information to people you don’t know thanks to Stranger Danger, that’s how come.

“We find energy,” a creepy woman said.

Then the ladies began thrashing and moaning.

“We find Furyan energy,” another said. “He’s Furyan. Furyan!

“A Furyan survivor!” they began to holler louder. “Kill the Furyan! Kill the Riddick!”

They yelled “Kill the Riddick” so loud and so much that the glass shattered!

“Kill Riddick,” Shylaw said. He said that just to sound important, I think.

Then a bunch of Necromongers hopped up with spears, and I could stand up again. I ran up and knocked them down with my new knife. And then I did a cool thing where I took a bullet and moved it somewhere else in the room so I could knock another guy over. And I took a guy’s gun and made everyone else collapse on the floor real quick. And then I hid behind one of the creepy lady’s tombs and blasted everyone away from me, including that meanfaced Vaako, who leapt down from all the way up there and somehow didn’t get hurt by doing that.

And that’s how come I could run away. And then I found myself outside again, and boy were they mad.