Work Text:
Ext. Grauman’s Chinese Theater
Searchlights move across the sky while a large crowd waits to enter.
Dropped over the theater is a banner reading “PREMIERE! SEXY RANGERS, DIRECTED BY TRAPDOG.”
Int. Dressing Room
The theater can be seen in the window as TRAPDOG stands in front of a mirror wearing a tux, adjusting his tie.
The door slams open, and famed feminist GLORIA BANDERSNATCH marches in, furious., carrying a film reel.
Gloria: Trapdog!
Trapdog: Hey Gloria’s, what’s up?
GLoria: I just watched your “movie.” My organization gave you $30 million to make a film about pioneering feminist Raidho Hiratsuka. Instead, you bring me this!
Trapdog: Well when I accepted it was because I thought she was one of Tenchi Muyo’s girlfriends. When I found out she wasn’t I lost interest and spent most of the money on candy and going to the zoo, but I figured I should use what was left to make something empowering for women.
Gloria: How in God’s name is a cheap Power Rangers parody about women who get power from their boobs empowering for women?
Trapdog: Well their boobs aren’t that big, so it says you can be sexy even if you boobs aren’t big, as long as they’re not small, or you know, you’re fat.
Gloria: Ugh! I knew dealing with you was a mistake!
She takes out a lighter and holds it to the film canister.
Gloria: But it’s a mistake I intend to rectify. No one will see this monstrosity of a film!
Trapdog: Noooo!
He leaps up, grabs it, and runs away.
Gloria: Droans!
A troop of newly materlizied figures in business suits land on the ground.
Gloria: After him! That film must be destroyed!
The Droans chatter as they give chase.
Int. Different Dressing Room
The Pairangers are putting their makeup on when Trapdog barges in.
Trapdog: Ladies, the iron hand of censorship has pointed its finger at our movie! If the public is to see our artistic vision, then we must fight for it!
Initially shocked, the Pairangers become determined and ready for battle.
The Droans rush in, one rushing for PaiBlue, who grabs it and throws it on a table.
PaiGreen kicks another away.
PaiYellow grabs one and twirls it in the air.
Another comes for PaiPink.
PaiPink: PaiSword!
She draws the sword and slices the Droan in two.
Finally, PaiRed jumps on a Droan, catching its neck in her thighs and snaps it with them.
With the Droans all defeated, there’s the sound of a slow clap, which turns out to be from Gloria.
Gloria: Brava, girls. Trapdog, I must apologize. Seeing those women use their skills and looks to defend your movie was inspiring. Perhaps my definition of feminism was too small…
Trapdog: So you’ll show our movie?
Gloria: I’d fight a thousand armies if they tried to stop me.
Ext. Grauman’s Chinese Theater
Trapdog and Gloria get out of a limo and walk down onto the red carpet. Photographers snap a photo of them waving to the crowds.
SMASH CUT: Said photo in a newspaper, under the headline “Gloria Bansersnatch fired from position due to controversial movie” with the sub headline “to appear on Tucker Carlson.”