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Chapter Text

The gray eyes of Commander John Shepard of the SSV Normandy fluttered open to the hazy sight of fluorescent hospital lights. Soon after, he became aware of the frantic shouts and beeps that surrounded him as well as the acute pain shooting through his entire body. Just before he lost consciousness a woman, face framed in raven locks, leaned over him and shouted reassurances that were incomprehensible in his delirious state. It would take three weeks for the savior of the galaxy to reopen his eyes to familiar faces. 

Kaidan could remember the exact moment everything went to hell. Well, more to hell than they’d already been at least. The anger at being left behind gripped his heart like a set of icy claws, overshadowing the pain radiating from his right leg. Hundreds of high risk missions and he’d never broken the damn thing before. Once Garrus had dragged him to the infirmary, the anger and disappointment set in. Dr. Chakwas fussed over him but he barely registered the pain of the break, or her presence. 

All Kaidan registered was rage at himself. Shepard had always been there for him, always had his back. It seemed as though Kaidan never did. He’d thrown everything back in the Commander’s face in his pettiness on Horizon, and now he’d abandoned him a second time. John wouldn’t want him to beat himself up, but if John wanted to make demands of Kaidan’s emotional state, he shouldn’t have left him behind. Bargaining thoughts rushed through Kaidan’s mind. I should have stayed. I should have limped to the conduit, damn an injury. I should be up there with him. I should be protecting him. For once, I should have had his back. Thinking of a million ways things could go differently wasn’t going to fix anything. It wasn’t going to help John either, but the self-hatred was easier to swallow than the despair of the truth. Major Kaidan Alenko, a Council Spectre and one of the most powerful human biotics, was helpless. There was nothing he could do but sit in the med bay and hope. A few minutes and a lifetime later, the Normandy was en route to anywhere-but-here. 

Admiral Hackett’s distinguished voice crackled into every speaker on the Normandy, “All fleets, the Crucible is armed. Disengage and head to the rendezvous point. I repeat: disengage and get the hell out of here.” 

If the Crucible was armed and Shepard was still on the Citadel… shit. 

“Major… Kaidan,” Chakwas drew his attention, “we did all we could. You did all you could.” 

“It wasn’t enough,” Kaidan said bitterly. 

As the words left his mouth, gravity was lost and a panic spread across the ship in a wave of red. Lights and life support followed in a millisecond. The panic of those around him had a paradoxical calming effect on Kaidan. Introspection was shelved in favor of instinct and training. He made his way to the med bay doors, leg set by Chakwas a second before, by the soft glow of emergency lighting. Once there, he pried the unpowered door open with his biotics. By some small mercy his amp was still functional. Kaidan pushed himself past crew members trying desperately to twist themselves into a position where they could grab something to steady themselves.

 Most people never really got used to moving in zero gravity without mag boots, but Kaidan was a natural. Even Shepard hated the feeling and nearly failed his N7 training at one point because of it. It was a closely guarded secret and Kaidan remained one of a small handful of people who knew about it along with Liara and Anderson. In any case Kaidan had found himself in a strange situation where he was more equipped to deal with the present situation than his fellow spectre would have been and was grateful he was the one dealing with the situation. At least, he was until he remembered what the reason for that absence was. No time for that now, focus on the people in front of you. Compartmentalization under pressure was a keystone of Alliance officer training and Kaidan had mastered it. In just a few seconds, he had closed the distance to the doors that sealed off the life support systems. As effortlessly as he had pried open the doors to exit the med bay, he did the same with the doors to life support. 

“Need any help there, Major?” asked a familiar, gravely voice. 

Kaidan turned to see Garrus had followed him. “We’ll see. Hopefully it’s just a simple reboot. The Normandy’s systems are designed to shut themselves off to protect from all sorts of energy pulses. I should be able to handle it” 

The two men pulled themselves inside to the room, Garrus staring wistfully at the now floating desk at the far end before refocusing himself. Kaidan pulled open panels and flipped a dozen switches back to their correct positions. With a slight whoosh and a puff of air, life support had been restored. 

“We should probably go check on Joker and see if he has any clue where we are,” Garrus suggested. Joker had made the jump to Arcturus, where a few ships had been converted to a hospital flotilla in anticipation of heavy casualties. It was the rendezvous point Hackett had expected everyone to fall back to. 

Kaidan nodded in agreement and the two made their way through the maintenance tubes to the cockpit. When they arrived, they found Joker in a pure panic. The Normandy’s usual controls had been cast aside in favor of manual controls. Looking through the cockpit window, the reason for Joker’s panic became apparent. The Normandy hurtled directly towards an unknown planet while EDI’s body lay smoking in the chair next to him. 

“Joker,” Kaidan shouted, “where the hell are we?” 

“No idea, Major. We got thrown out of the relay system halfway to Arcturus.” Joker without his usual wisecracks was unnerving at best. 

“I’m really hoping that asking you to save all our lives one last time isn’t too much to expect,” Garrus interjected. 

Joker straightened his hat. “Come on Garrus, this is me we’re talking about. You might want to go tell the rest of the crew to brace for impact, though.” 

“Got it!” the two other men said in unison. 

Bracing for impact turned out to be very good advice. Joker had managed to land them in one piece, but everything not nailed down had ended up halfway across the ship from its normal location. Half Liara’s monitors were smashed by loose items in her cabin, Garrus’ meticulously organized battery was thrown into complete disarray, and the crew quarters looked like someone planted a bomb. James had complained his fair share about his weights, but he always complained about them so it was difficult to assess just how disorganized they actually were in comparison to everything else. It would take days to return everything to its rightful place. 

Life support was knocked down again by the impact. By sheer dumb luck, they’d landed on a livable, if uncharted planet and opening the airlocks sufficed. While EDI’s body was fried, her backups in the AI core remained perfectly intact. Restoring her to the ship proved an easy fix with Adams, Donnelly, Daniels, and Tali aboard. Having four of the galaxy’s most gifted engineers in one place had proved invaluable. Relief flooded the ship at the news. Kaidan was pretty sure he’d even seen Joker tear up at the sound of her voice. 

Once EDI had been reactivated, repairs picked up to a breakneck pace. Based upon the position of the pulsars around them. They were a mere 3 light years from Arcturus. Once FTL was back up and running, they could be with the rest of the fleets over the course of the afternoon. More importantly, communications could be easily established with the rest of the fleet.

Chapter Text

“Major Alenko?” EDI called over the engineering speakers. 

Kaidan pulled himself out from the crevice where Adams had put him to work with repairs. “Yeah?” 

“Admiral Hackett has responded to our attempts at contact. Approximately 87% of all ships are accounted for, current survival rate for ship-bound personnel is estimated at 64% across all fleets with Turian and Human fleets taking the heaviest casualties. Recovery efforts are being launched on Earth and the Citadel where survival rates are better than anticipated. Repair efforts have begun on the Citadel, as well as on the Charon and Arcturus Mass Relays. Estimated time for restoration per Mass Relay is one month. Current communications delay between the Normandy and Arcturus is 6.38 hours. I will send the complete reports to the Captain’s Cabin in case you wish to review them later. Admiral Hackett has also forwarded a video message to the CIC. He requests all crew be present for its reception if possible.” 

His heart sank, probably not good news. “Any idea what it’s about?” 

“I did not wish to pry. Admiral Hackett was clear he wanted the entire crew to see the message at the same time. Given I am part of the crew, it did not seem fair to allow myself to view it.” 

“You have a point.” Kaidan pulled himself to his feet, the cast on his leg making the task more difficult than usual. Chakwas said he should be good to go in a few more days thanks to modern medicine. Sometimes Kaidan forgot that EDI the disembodied voice and EDI the mech were one and the same. He always felt a small twinge of guilt at forgetting the AI’s humanity when she didn’t stand in front of him on two legs. “Tell the crew to assemble in the CIC ASAP, EDI. I want to know what’s so important for us all to find out together.” 

“Aye aye, Major.” 

The CIC’s holographic display of the Normandy was replaced with Miranda Lawson’s upper half, frozen in time. 

“Go ahead, EDI,” Kaidan said from his place above the still defunct galaxy map. He still hadn’t figured out just how to hold himself on the platform with the same confidence Shepard did. 

Miranda’s likeness sputtered to life. “This is Miranda Lawson attempting to contact any Alliance forces. Commander Shepard is alive.” Everyone waited with baited breath for the catch. “He was recovered from the ruins of the Citadel and is currently recovering in a hospital on Earth. Vitals are strong and brain activity is good. He’s remained unconscious since recovery but we expect him to be on his feet in the next few weeks. Repeat, this is Miranda Law-” 

Kaidan’s heart raced and he collapsed against the CIC railing beside him in relief. The tension was all that had kept him upright with such minimal sleep for the past week. There wasn’t a catch. Shepard was alive. He was alive and safe in a hospital with Miranda watching over him. John was going to be okay. Someone had pulled his still breathing body from the wreckage of the Citadel. He was unconscious but he was okay. Miranda’s smiling face telling him that Shepard should be awake in a few weeks was the sweetest sight he’d seen since Shepherd's own face smiled at him last. Excited murmurs filled the CIC as Miranda’s message blinked away. When Hackett said there was something they all needed to see, not a single member of the Normandy’s crew dared hope it was news as good as this. 

James seemed to take notice of Kaidan's need for rest rapidly catching up to him. “Go get some rest, Major. I think we can take the repairs from here for a few hours. I’ll come get you if there’s any news.” 

Kaidan nodded. Now that he’d be able to sleep without waking in a cold sweat to nightmares of losing John, he needed the rest. “Just don’t blow up the ship while I’m out, Lieutenant,” he quipped on his way to the elevator. 

“No promises,” James shouted back as the doors closed behind Kaidan. 

He steadied himself against the elevator and ran his fingers through his hair. John is alive. It’s all over. He’s waiting for me. All I have to do is show up. The elevator had reached the Captain’s Cabin a few seconds before Kaidan registered the open doors. He stumbled to the bed and fell on to it, fully clothed. John’s scent still filled the sheets. Kaidan had been sleeping on the couch in the starboard observation lounge for the past week. Until now he couldn’t bear to be reminded of the absence, not that his choice in location had been successful at warding off nightmares and insomnia. The one time Kaidan had tried to sleep in the cabin he’d woken up reaching out for Shepard. When he opened his eyes to blank covers, tears welled in them. Since then, he’d preferred the shallower sleep he found in the lounge. Now, Kaidan wanted nothing more than to be surrounded by the reminders. After a few moments he stood, stripped off his boots and clothes down to his boxers and looked through John’s drawers. He smiled when he found what he was looking for and pulled the N7 hoodie over his arms. Kaidan crawled back into the bed, and fell into a deep sleep for the first time in a week. 

Chapter Text

It had taken the Normandy another week to finish enough repairs to limp back to the Sol system and three days for the journey itself. Upon arrival the crew had camped themselves out in the waiting room of a tiny hospital located firmly in the frozen middle of nowhere. By virtue of the hospital’s location in the middle of northern Canada, it had been left mostly unscathed by the Reaper invasion. The marines they’d picked up from London and crew members less familiar with Commander Shepard had found their way to other parts of Earth to give his friends their space and aid in rebuilding. Jack and Wrex had made their way to stand vigil with Miranda as soon as word went out that Shepard had once again cheated death. The two women were even being civil with each other, though they did seem relieved to have others to socialize with beyond their krogan companion. Wrex was shockingly chipper given it had been more than two weeks since he’d killed something. 

“ALENKO!” Wrex bellowed, pulling Kaidan into a bone crushing hug. 

“Careful, Wrex, the fragile human is still recovering from his injuries,” he cautioned. His leg had since healed, but medical technology hadn’t quite caught up with the soreness that followed being hit by a literal truck. 

Wrex set him back down as gently as a krogan could and placed a hand on Kaidan’s shoulder. “You picked a strong one, Major!” A deep chuckle followed. He turned his attention towards Tali and Garrus, rushing off towards them. 

Miranda popped her head out of one of the rooms and nodded in a beckoning motion at Kaidan. He broke away from the rest of the group, still preoccupied by their reunion with their conscious friends. Shepard lay in a pristine hospital room looking almost peaceful. A fairly thick layer of facial hair had covered his face where an oxygen mask sat. The mask, an IV, and monitoring leads were the only evidence that John wasn’t simply sleeping. 

“John…” Kaidan went to take his hand and hesitated. 

Miranda placed a comforting hand on Kaidan’s shoulder, silently granting him permission. “I’ll go keep them busy.” 

Kaidan nodded in thanks and took a seat by John’s side. Holding his hand brought tears to Kaidan’s eyes. His hand was warm, his breath steady. Alive . “Hey,” he choked out, “I’m here, John. I know it’s only been a few weeks but I’ve missed you like hell. You did it. The Reapers are gone, we’re safe. I… I don’t know how we got this lucky but I’m glad we did. When things settle down I swear I’m gonna go buy a ring and we’ll settle down at the orchard and adopt a bunch of kids. I’ll give you the life you deserve.” He pulled John’s hand to his lips and held it there. 

In the few moments they could steal during the war they’d talked about life-what it had looked like before they met and what it would look like if they managed to win this damned war. John talked about the younger kids he looked after when he was living on the streets, how he wanted kids of his own some day. He talked about his first boyfriend. Kaidan had grown to hate the man for the things he’d done to John. What business did a man in his 20s have messing around with a teenager? What gave the man the audacity to get John involved in a gang? Most of all, John wanted to settle down and maybe start a farm out in the colonies. Kaidan had joked they already had a farm. He’d immediately apologized, fearing he’d crossed a line and kicking himself for insinuating things would last beyond the war. His ‘sorry’s were broken by a kiss from John. “I think I’d like that,” he’d whispered against Kaidan’s lips. So things were going to last after all.  

At some point Miranda had returned. There was the flicker of an uncharacteristically soft smile before her face returned to its usual neutral expression. “I’m glad he has someone like you.” 

“How is he?” Kaidan asked. 

“A good portion of his cybernetics were just for supportive care for the months after we brought him back. They were designed to dissolve over time, most of them had by the time the Reapers invaded. The permanent ones were designed to be replaceable. His implant took a lot of damage, but L5s are fairly easy to repair.” Kaidan noticed the still healing incision where the surgery had been performed. John’s skin was otherwise well healed with a few patches of raw skin where burns had been. “The doctors say he responded well to everything. Shepard really is remarkable.” 

“Yeah he is.” Kaidan wasn’t quite sure what to do with Miranda. He’d since learned that a past association with Cerberus was a lot more gray than he wanted to admit but the woman always watched people in a cold and calculating way. Kaidan knew she’d had a rough life, but  he couldn’t tell if she was assessing him as if she were predator or prey. In a word, Miranda Lawson was unnerving. 

It was the third day of the Normandy crew sleeping at odd angles in the chairs of the hospital waiting room. Garrus had been “on watch” as they’d taken to calling it. If more than one person was in the room for too long a flock of nurses would materialize to chase them off. The turian had begun dozing off and was startled awake by a familiar hand on his wrist. 

“Garrus,” Shepard willed his hoarse voice to work, “where’s Kaidan?” He'd removed the oxygen mask to allow his weakened voice to be heard. 

This wasn’t an opportunity Garrus was going to miss. “Well you know how I had to drag him away from you on the battlefield?”

Shepard nodded, a grim expression on his face. Garrus almost thought better of it. Almost. 

“Liara did the same thing about an hour ago to make sure the damn fool ate something.” 

“When I get out of this bed, I’m going to kill you.” 

Garrus let out a gravely turian chuckle. “I’d like to see you try. In all seriousness, he’s hardly left your side the past three days. Barely gave the rest of us a chance to visit. Liara practically had to physically drag him down the hall to go get a warm meal.” 

“How long have I been out?” John asked, pushing himself up to a sitting position and wincing. 

“Three weeks give or take. Glad to see even taking the Reaper Blaster 5000 to the face wasn’t enough to put you down.” 

“Don’t make me laugh,” Shepard hissed through gritted teeth, “I think my ribs are still healing.”

“Hey, I gotta make sure everything’s still working. Consider it physical therapy,” Garrus retorted. 

Kaidan and Liara’s laughter echoed off the sterile hospital tiles along with their footsteps as they returned. “Thanks for dragging me away, Liara. Between losing my dad and John being in his current state I could use the-” Kaidan’s half-full coffee cup dropped to the floor when he rounded the corner, forgotten as he rushed to hug his partner. 

Liara cleared her throat and shot Garrus a look. 

“I should go,” Garrus said, taking the hint. He followed Liara out into the hall, stepping around the spilled coffee and closing the door behind the two of them. 

Chapter Text

John pulled out of the hug. “Who all made it?” 

“The whole team did. The crew plus Miranda, Jack, and Wrex are out there. We’ve been camped out in the waiting room for the past few days. Samara, Grunt, and the rest are alright but couldn’t make it. Kasumi hasn’t resurfaced, but I’m taking them not finding her body as her pulling another one of her disappearing acts.” Even if Shepard’s voice was shot from not being used for nearly 3 weeks, that question was the sweetest sound Kaidan had ever heard. He couldn’t keep himself from smiling.

“What about EDI?” John asked, suddenly averting eye contact. 

“Her mech’s still being repaired, but she’ll be okay. I don’t think we would have made it back here in time without her.” 

“So she made it? What about the Geth?” John shifted on the bed anxiously. 

“I mean a lot of their hardware’s fried to hell and a bunch of the programs are unrecoverable, but news from Arcturus is that they took about as many losses as the rest of us.” Kaidan could sense something was off. “Why?” 

“Thank god for small mercies.” Shepard let out the breath he’d held in and shook his head “It doesn’t matter. I don’t want to dwell on what we lost right now...” One less awful thing on my conscience. 

“You’ll get no argument from me there… I talked to my mom and she wants us to come stay at the orchard for a while once you’re out of the hospital. I thought it might be nice for us both to recover out there. The fresh air and being planetside for a while would probably do us some good.”

“That all?” John asked, a hint of mischief in his voice. 

“I almost forgot. The mass relays got shot to hell but current estimates are that they should be able to repair the major ones within a year. The secondary ones will take longer but-”

“That’s not what I meant, Kaidan. Anything else? Something a bit more personal?”

Kaidan shifted his seat. “What are you getting at, John?” 

“About the orchard… I believe there was also something about kids and a marriage proposal?” Shepard asked with a coy smile. He could remember snippets of things he heard while unconscious-Miranda instructing the doctors on how to treat him, Dr. Chakwas demanding to see his patient file, Kaidan’s words when he’d first arrived. 

Kaidan rubbed the back of his head, an old habit that John knew meant he was nervous. “Damn, I thought that whole ‘people can hear you in a coma’ thing was a myth.” He let out a nervous laugh. “Not that I didn’t mean it. I… I mean not that I meant right now. It’s just-” 

“Yes.” 

“Wait what? We- I mean not that I’m not happy but, are you sure? We haven’t had any time together since the war ended,” Kaidan fretted. 

John placed a hand on top of Kaidan’s. “We’ve had feelings for each other for years. I died once before they got the chance to be fully realized. I’m not waiting for anyone else’s approval a second time around. You’re stuck with me, Kaidan. I’m ready for this if you are.” 

“Yeah, I am.” Kaidan looked up, amber eyes fixed on John’s flint gray ones. The distinct spark of an idea crossed his face. “Give me an hour.” He rose from the chair, placed a peck on John’s lips, and left. The rest of their friends descended upon the room the second the door opened. Kaidan caught Liara’s arm as she moved to pass him. “I need your help with something.” 

As she rounded the hall to see what the commotion was, Dr. Karin Chakwas began to  shake with barely contained rage. She had to fight to be put on her patient’s care team and now a wall of her own crew was keeping her from him. Garrus apparently hadn’t felt the need to tell anyone Shepard was awake either. He’d be getting an earful-or whatever it was turians had-about that from her later. She’d been put to work assisting the overwhelmed hospital’s other patients and thus wasn’t privy to the same knowledge as the portion of the crew that deemed it necessary to camp out in the waiting room. On top of it all, she’d nearly slipped in a puddle of spilled coffee none of them had thought to clean up. 

“Would anyone like to let the man’s doctor see him or are you all too busy gawking to allow him to receive proper medical attention?” she shouted over Ken Donnelly and Gabrielle Daniels’ heads into the room. 

All of those present had been her patients at one point or another. They parted immediately at the familiar stern voice. Each and every one of them knew the consequences for ignoring that tone. They’d spent enough time around Chakwas to know it meant business and nothing else. 

“Commander,” her expression softened as she saw her patient. “Everybody out, now! You’ll have time for gossip and such later. Give the man some privacy.” She shooed the crew away, brushing aside Tali and Joker’s protests and shutting the door in their faces. 

“Oh sure! Slam the door in Mr. Brittle Bones’ face. Very caring, Doctor,” Joker taunted through the door. 

Chakwas ignored him and made her way to attend to her patient. “Now, how are we feeling, Commander?”

“You enjoyed that,” John smirked. “I’m feeling fine, all things considered.” 

She gave Shepard a look over the chart in her hands. He should know better than to give me nonspecific answers like that by now.

“Okay fine, you win,” he grumbled, “everything hurts, the stitches on my neck itch like hell, and I’d like to get these damned tubes out of me. Happy?” 

“Not particularly, but I can work with that. I’ll need to give you a physical. Can you sit up?” 

Shepard fulfilled the request, wincing with each movement. To her credit as the Alliance’s best physician, Shepard barely noticed her poking and prodding him. She obliged Shepard’s request to be rid of the tubes by removing everything but a few monitoring leads and the IV. Within 10 minutes, she was done. As Chakwas exited Shepard’s room the entire waiting room stood, waiting for permission to renter. 

“I’d say two at a time now that he’s awake,” she sighed with a half smile, “but I don’t see myself winning that battle at the moment.” They all rushed past her, clamoring to be at the head of the crowd with Joker limping behind them with determination. Remembering their companion, they let him ahead to commandeer the room’s sole chair before resuming their chattering and attempts to catch Shepard’s attention. The engineering team tried to engage him in riveting tales of their heroism, of the long nights spent trying to get everyone back to him. 

“These two really are amazing, Commander. I don’t suppose we can keep them aboard?” Adams said, gesturing to Donnelly and Daniels. 

“Enough of that!” Wrex butted in, “if you want a real story I can tell you about how I ripped a brute’s head clean off and-” 

“Wrex, I think the commander’s had enough war stories to last a lifetime, and if I have to hear this story one more time I’ll rip my own head clean off,” Joker interjected. 

 Traynor took her chance to try and give him a briefing on all the major news he’d missed. “The mass relay repairs are coming along wonderfully and they expect they’ll have the Sol relay repaired in-” 

There was another interruption as Jack lightly punched her in the arm. “I highly doubt he wants to hear about that boring shit either.” 

“Well I could tell him about all the calibrations I had to do to get us back here. It’s a captivating tale,” Garrus offered. The entire room erupted into laughter. James clapped Cortez on the back hard enough that it nearly sent the smaller man flying across the room. Even Javik gave a chuckle. 

John smiled as the chatter continued, good natured arguments springing up every few seconds. Every part of him ached, but it had all been worth it. Everyone had made it and most of them were standing right in front of him, laughing and teasing each other. All their sacrifices, all the sleepless nights had been worth it. Screw whoever said happy endings aren’t real . 

“Goddess, Kaidan, just pick one!” Liara snapped, pinching the bridge of her nose. 

“Sorry, I want to get this right. You’re his best friend and  you’ve literally been inside his head.” 

“There wasn’t much time to go digging for his preference in jewelry between the visions of death.” Liara took a breath and smiled at Kaidan. “Something simple, whatever you choose I’m sure he’ll love it.” 

“Okay.” Kaidan gave the small selection of appropriate rings in front of them a final consideration. “Here, two palladium rings with little gold wedding bands.” 

Kaidan and Liara returned with a few minutes to spare on their allotted hour. The two entered the hospital room to their friends’ choruses of laughter and vying for Shepard’s attention. 

“Where the hell’d you two sneak off to?” James asked. 

“You’ll find out in a second, Vega,” Kaidan replied without looking at James. He was fixed on John and only John. Their more observant friends, namely Cortez and Daniels, took the hint and shushed the rest away from their side conversations. Despite already being given his answer, Kaidan’s palms were sweaty and he had to check his breathing. Time felt as if it slowed to a stop as he dropped to one knee next to the hospital bed. Every detail of the room burned into his memory-the sterile white walls, the checkered gray and yellow tiles, the soft beeps of the heart monitor, their friends’ smiling faces, the blinding snow reflected sun peaking through the window curtains. 

Kaidan willed the words out. “John Alan Shepard, will you marry me?” He produced a small red box from his pocket. In it sat two small silver-white bands of palladium, one for each of them. 

“Of course.” John used what little strength he had to pull his now fiance into a kiss. The small crowd around them whooped and cheered, with the exception of Javik who was thoroughly confused by the primitive bonding ritual. 

As the couple slipped the rings onto each other’s hands, Gabby Daniels gave her own companion a playful jab in the ribs. “So when am I getting one of those, Ken?” she teased. 

“You see what you’ve done, Major? Now you’ve gone and given the rest of us standards,” Ken lamented in a mocking tone. 

Chapter Text

In the week before he was discharged, many of John Shepard’s companions had dispersed for their own responsibilities. Donnelly and Daniels were ordered to assist with rebuilding efforts, much to Adams' chagrin. Adams himself along with Tali, Garrus, James, Cortez, and Traynor had all been recalled to assist in further repairs to the Normandy. Joker had chosen to follow them to be with EDI, but not without first teasing Shepard about frying his girlfriend’s body. Once she was sure Shepard’s implants had taken, Miranda too excused herself to assist on the Normandy.

With news that the krogan who remained on Earth were beginning to get out of hand, Wrex and Javik departed to literally knock some heads together and get them back in line. Once they’d arrived in London, John and Kaidan received a vid call from both Wrex and Grunt. The young krogan had congratulated the two of them on their ‘mating ritual’, though he seemed to be under the impression that an engagement was a far more sexually charged endeavor. Kaidan’s attempts to correct him were unsuccessful. Javik was largely absent from the call and, according to Wrex, was thoroughly enjoying himself keeping the rambunctious krogan in line. During the call he could occasionally be heard barking orders at the ‘lizard primitives’.

Samara and Jacob sent their regrets that they couldn’t be present but wished him the best. Zaeed sent Shepard a message with similar sentiments that made it abundantly clear he was never to be contacted on business matters again. It could only be assumed the man had firmly parked his ass on a beach somewhere. There was still no word from Kasumi either way.

Once Shepard was back on his feet, and all but Jack and Liara had dispersed to their own responsibilities, he and Kaidan chatted with the two of them. With all their responsibilities forcibly shelved for the time being, they had the rare chance to talk about things that didn’t have galaxy saving stakes.

“I don’t know, Liara, Sam does seem pretty fascinated by you,” Jack offered, sitting cross legged on the ample windowsill.

“Is she fascinated by Liara T’Soni or by the Shadow Broker?” Liara said, leaning forward in her chair and clasping her hands together. “If I’m with someone, I want them to be with me for who I am, not some mysterious fantasy figure.”

“Come on, Liara. Sam is well past being star struck with how much time she’s spent with the team,” John added from his perch on the side of the hospital bed next to Kaidan, kicking his feet. He wasn’t strictly supposed to be moving around as much, but Dr. Chakwas and his companions had long since given up trying to persuade him to do otherwise.

“Besides,” Kaidan chimed in, “if she’s falling for anything superficial it’s probably your oh so sultry voice.”

“She does have a thing for voices, doesn’t she?” Liara leaned back and let out a giggle that showed she was still the same woman they’d met on Therum years ago.

They group was interrupted by a beep from Shepard’s omnitool. He pulled up the message.

 Making Things Permanent

Commander Shepard:

This letter formally acknowledges your permanent reinstatement into the Alliance Navy.

You are hereby authorized to continue command of the Normandy SR-2. You are directed to begin peacekeeping operations between Earth, its colonies, and its allies, pending approval for combat by Alliance medical personnel.

Furthermore, you are granted diplomatic authority to continue to establish treaties with non-human races as required to support your mission. Crew composition is left to your discretion.

Sincerely,

Admiral Steven Hackett         

P.S. There’s a captaincy and your choice of posts waiting for you when this is all over. Congratulations on the engagement.

“How the hell?” John mumbled.

Kaidan leaned in to read the message. “Well, at least we know Alliance intelligence networks are still intact.”

“Commander?” Dr. Chakwas stood in the doorway.

“Please tell me that’s my discharge paperwork.”

She entered the room but continued holding the clipboard to her chest, out of Shepard’s reach. “Only if you promise to take it easy once you’re out of my sight.”

“Nothing over 10 pounds, no running, and no biotics, spectre’s honor. Can I go now?” John raised his left hand and lifted his right over his heart in mock reverence.

Dr. Chakwas relented and handed over the clipboard. She turned to Kaidan. “I’m trusting you to keep him honest, Major,” she said with a smile creeping at the corners of her mouth.

“Trust me, doc,” he chuckled, “if Shepard tries anything of the like you’ll be the least of his problems.”

John handed her back the completed paperwork. “I’m not getting away with anything ever again, am I?” The taunt was accompanied by a wide grin.

“Nope.” Kaidan pulled John into a side hug and planted a peck on his cheek.

Shepard napped on Kaidan’s shoulder in the transport between the hospital and the Alenko orchard. His leather N7 jacket sat on the seat next to the two of them. Liara had taken the time to run to the Normandy and grab his civvies from his cabin so that John didn’t have to meet his soon-to-be-mother-in-law in whatever clothing the hospital was able to scrouge up.

As Kaidan saw the orchard’s rows of trees appearing in the distance, he nudged Shepard awake. “Hey, John, we’re here.” He was similarly dressed in dark pants and a t-shirt.

“Shit, how long was I asleep,” Shepard asked, rubbing his eyes.

He’s so damn cute when he’s half-asleep. Kaidan chuckled. “Past half hour, give or take. My mom should be waiting for us when we land.” There was a small thump as the shuttle set down. “Speaking of…”

Shepard winced slightly as he pushed himself out of the shuttle. He grabbed his jacket but didn’t bother with putting it on in the now warm summer air. A tall, thin woman stood on the porch in a yellow sundress. Her graying, pin-straight black hair flowed in the soft breeze. The second Kaidan’s feet hit the ground she rushed to pull him into a bear hug.

“It’s good to have you home, Kay.” John could see tears welling in her eyes.

She released Kaidan from her grasp and wiped away her tears. John reached out a hand to greet her, thinking to say something like “Nice to finally meet you, ma’am,” when she pulled him into the same bone-crushing hug.

 Kaidan could see John’s face scrunch up in pain as she inadvertently pushed on his still tender ribs. Her son placed a hand on her shoulder. “Woah there, mom, John’s still healing.”

“Oh! Of course, sorry,” she sighed, “I’m just so happy to see you two.” She took John’s hand in both of her own. “It’s lovely to meet you. Kaidan might not admit it, but the boy’s been smitten since the day you two met.”

The boy in question scratched the back of his head and let out a nervous laugh. “If you’re done divulging my secrets, we should probably get inside.”

“Since we met, eh?” John smirked.

“Shut up.”

Chapter Text

Kaidan, now healed from his own injuries, strode ahead of Shepard with their bags to place them in the house. Just before John entered the house behind Kaidan, he heard the thud of a body hitting the floor. Ignoring his rest orders and the protests of his still painful body, he sprinted inside to where the noise came from. He was greeted with the sight of what he was pretty sure was a small bear lapping at Kaidan’s face. His fiancé lay back flat on the floor, bags discarded next to him, and hands scratching the creature’s head. For the first time in the nearly four years they’d known each other, John heard the man let out an honest to God giggle.

Kaidan was half-heartedly pushing the animal’s head away from his own. “Rocky,” he laughed, “stop it.”

“Kaidan?” Shepard was as pale as a man of his complexion could be.

His fiancé turned to look at him, hands still running through the creature’s black fur. “Yeah?”

“Why do you have a bear in your house?”

Just then, Mei Alenko walked into the house and almost fell over in laughter at John’s confusion.

Once Kaidan and his mother recovered from their laughing fits, they explained that the strange furry thing was in fact a rather large dog known as a Newfoundland.

Kaidan had since moved to a sitting position on the floor, one hand propped up on his knee and the other still petting the dog. “He helps cart things around the orchard when we need him. That’s why he's so big.”

Despite his sprint lasting only a few seconds, it had exhausted Shepard, who now sat on the couch next to Mei.

Kaidan clambered to his feet, picking up the bags as he did so. “We should probably get unpacked.”

“We don’t have to just-“ John managed before being cut off by raised eyebrows from his partner.

Mei also seemed to pick up on the unspoken language. “Well, I’ll give you two some privacy. I need to go into town to grab a few things for dinner anyways. Is there anything either of you need?”

John ran a hand over his rather scruffy facial hair. “A razor to clean this up would be nice, ma’am.”

“Of course, dear,” she responded as she stood, “and don’t you dare call me ‘ma’am’. You’re part of the family now. Call me Mei.”

She walked past the couple out of the house.

Kaidan made his way towards the stairs, bags over his shoulder. He kicked off his shoes on a mat next to the staircase and John followed suit. With one foot on the first step, Kaidan nodded for Shepard to follow him up. As John began to ascend after him, he noticed that the entire house seemed to be constructed out of wood, rather than metal prefabs.

Kaidan’s room was the second on the left at the top of the stairs and was one of five bedrooms throughout the house, no doubt a relic of when people had much larger families. How old is this place?

In the center of the wall to the right of the door was the bed. It was about the size of Shepard’s back on the Normandy but with a large bookshelf built into the headboard. Just under a window on the wall opposite the door was a large oak desk and a matching chair. John took a seat at the desk. He noticed the bed was covered in a deep blue blanket that appeared to be hand quilted.

Kaidan caught John’s eyes lingering from his place by the wardrobe. “My grandma made a few of those when dad first joined the Alliance. She always talked about how proud she was of the two of us.” Sure enough, there was a tiny Alliance logo embroidered in each corner. Kaidan began hanging their clothes. As he reached the bottom of John’s bag he noticed a small bottle of clear liquid thrown in with his toiletries. “Did you tell Liara to grab the lube, or was that her prerogative?”

“I’ll never tell,” John teased. Looking around more, he noticed that there was a door on the wall opposite the bed. “What’s that door?”

“Personal bathroom. Being the oldest grandkid has its perks.” He smiled and crossed the room to where Shepard was sitting. Kaidan leaned down and pulled his lover into a deep kiss.

“Right now, I’m really hoping that shower is nicer than the one at the hospital.” John gave a small shudder. If I’m ever forced to use a shower that consistently cold again, I’m shooting everyone responsible.

“Most likely,” he chuckled, “are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“If what you’re thinking is engaged shower sex then yes.” John pulled Kaidan back down into an open-mouthed kiss, hands migrating down to place a playful squeeze on Kaidan’s ass.

“I don’t think sex is magically different once you’re engaged.”

“Only one way to find out.” John stood and took Kaidan by the hand, wincing a bit.

“Hey, you sure you’re up for it?” Kaidan asked, his face twisted with concern.

Shepard ungritted his teeth. “Yeah, this is nothing compared to the month after Cerberus brought me back,” he reassured, “and back then I didn’t have a very handsome Alliance officer at my beck and call.”

“Flirt.”

“You love it. Now, if you’re good with it, I would very much like that shower sex.” John grabbed Kaidan’s belt loops and pulled him into a kiss. Kaidan’s own hands reached into John’s inky curls and into the small of his back. As expected, Shepard gave a small moan at the contact. The two stumbled backwards until John reached a hand behind him, blindly searching for the door.

The couple nearly fell into the small bathroom, laughing at themselves. The room comprised of a bathtub with a shower, a small vanity, a toilet, and shelves that housed a set of green towels. Kaidan started the water and the couple went to work on each other’s clothes. Kaidan began kissing down John’s chest once their shirts were pulled off, sinking to his knees.

The healing burns had faded from the angry red of the hospital to pale patches on Shepard’s otherwise warm bronze skin. He stood and traced the patches with one hand while the other traced through John’s hair. He drew John’s lips into a passionate kiss. Kaidan loved every inch of John’s body-the brown skin, the loose curls, the stormy gray eyes, and now the short beard. It was the vessel that held his partner’s soul and something to be treated with reverence, no matter what damage it sustained. It seemed a lifetime ago that Kaidan was tracing the stubborn, glowing scar on his partner’s inner thigh. That had been the first time he’d touched John’s naked body. Just like then, this moment held sanctity.

John looked down at Kaidan kissing every inch of available skin. Each time he looked at the man, he swore he saw something new to love. Those golden eyes had been what captured his attention the first time he’d ever seen Kaiden when they were little more than children. The same eyes had caught him in a spell when they’d met properly on the Normandy and never let him go. John found himself glued to them whenever Kaidan spoke, falling in love with the way each facial expression moved them. His short, swept back raven hair sometimes escaped its bindings and John loved the rebellious strands. Shepard saw the way his lover’s muscles flexed as he stood back up to kiss him, strong and steady. From the first moment Kaidan held him, it felt as though their bodies slotted together like they’d been made for each other. When Kaidan held him, for just a moment, the weight of the galaxy was light as ashes on the wind. Kaidan was the closest thing John Shepard had to home since his parents died.

John’s hands slid to Kaidan’s hips, undoing his pants and pulling them down. Kaidan shrugged off the remaining clothing, moving his own hands to return the favor. The two toed out of their socks, which joined the mixed pile of clothes on the floor. Both men stood still as trees refusing to sway in a storm, bodies held tightly together.The growing arousal was secondary to the deep, insatiable hunger for closeness. 

Until now, neither felt fully real to the other. They’d spent their last week together waiting to wake up from a dream to an empty bed, prepared to kill whoever woke them.

“We should probably get in the shower now,” Kaidan laughed.

John carefully stepped over the lip of the bathtub, not breaking contact with Kaidan. The pain was still there, but Shepard pushed it away. This was more important.

There was instant relief when the almost too hot water hit his aching skin. The pleasure of that relief allowed him to be fully present with Kaidan, who had begun kissing his way across his face and neck. John held Kaidan fast to him, arms around the other man’s waist.

Kaidan had apparently been more conscious about the aforementioned lube bottle than Shepard was, considering John felt a slick hand begin prodding his ass. Despite the initial shock after forgetting the bottle’s existence, he relaxed into Kaidan’s touch as he always did.

“You alright, John?” Kaidan asked between kisses.

“This is the best I’ve felt since before the damn war.”

“Good.”

After a few moments of working into Shepard with his fingers, Kaidan spun his lover around, allowing him to brace himself against the shower wall for what was to come.

“Fuck, Kaidan, I need you.”

Kaidan coated himself with a bit more lube and thrust into John slowly. “I know, love.” He trailed kisses down John’s back before gripping his hips, more gently than usual, and beginning a slow pace. “God, John, you feel even better than I remember.”

“It hasn’t been that long,” John said, failing to keep his voice steady with Kaidan pumping into him.

“It’s only been a week for you,” Kaidan murmured, “going a month without having you close to me was torture.”

John gasped in response to a particularly deep thrust. “Glad to-ah right there-know I leave an impression.”

Kaidan welcomed the sarcasm with another thorough snap of the hips and a hand caressing the tip of John’s length.

“Ah, f-fuck, p-please never st-stop,” Shepard whined.

Kaiden sped up the pace a bit, chasing his own pleasure but remaining gentle. He lived for those honeyed noises that he drew out of Shepard. John was in heaven. The pleasure of Kaidan in and around him combined with the shower water melting away the soreness was paradise. After several minutes of moans of ‘perfect for me’, ‘feels so good’, and ‘I love you’ from both men, Kaidan’s pace of stroking John grew faster and his thrusts less controlled. John came first with Kaidan’s name passing his lips. Several moments of thrusting, which were pleasantly overstimulating for John, later Kaidan himself met climax. Wanting to keep clean-up to a minimum, he pulled out just as his own release coated Shepard’s back. Kaidan let the water rinse John’s back before spinning him around for a kiss which John eagerly returned.

The two completed their usual routine of washing each other before toweling off and crawling under the quilt stark naked. John buried his face into Kaidan’s neck as Kaidan’s hands lazily traced through John’s hair. Before long, Shepard was breathing deeply with the occasional light snore, a sure sign he’d drifted off to sleep. Kaidan placed a gentle kiss on the top of his head. The rest of the galaxy could have Commander Shepard, John was his and his alone.

Chapter Text

Hi y'all, it's been a while!

Since this is my main Mass Effect fic, I wanted to post an update here. A new chapter is coming in the next few days! I'm also planning on finishing Carnivore this weekend. Since I've been rewatching Voltron, you can also expect a few Klance fics in the year of our lord 2024 because I'm too autistic to have shame.

Apologies for the several months of radio silence, my dad got diagnosed with cancer right after I posted the previous chapter so I've been between my house and my parents' place helping my mom take care of him for the past few months while also finishing up my Master's. Turns out, there's not much time for writing between being a care taker and defending a thesis. Thankfully, I now have an MS degree and it's looking like the chemo should have my dad cured in a few more weeks!

Writing these fics also made me finally confront something that I've been hiding from most of my life-I'm a trans man and also bisexual. Most people in my life have been super supportive and I'm three and a half months on T as of today!

So yeah, Kaidan Alenko smut made me transgender and also like boys.

See y'all in the next chapter!

-Z

Chapter Text

John woke from a dreamless sleep to muffled voices being carried across the farmhouse. Instinctively, he reached across the bed towards Kaidan, eyes still half lidded. Where he expected skin, he felt only blankets. He twisted the quilt in his fist, blue cotton failing to provide the same comfort its owner would have. Forcing his eyes to open and his ears to focus, John concluded that one of the voices coming into focus was his fiancé’s. Tapping into his surveillance training, he screwed his eyes back shut and focused on listening. The sound of metal and ceramic clacking together along with a female voice came into focus. It seemed Mei had returned and turned her attention to the kitchen with her son.

John gathered his still fickle strength and pulled himself to a sitting position on the side of the bed. His legs cramped a bit in protest as he stood but less so than they had been. The hot shower had the intended effect. No matter how long it would take, he would heal. He crossed the room to pull his clothes from the bathroom floor and redress himself. Though his muscles ached with movement, the heaviness of the leather jacket and the familiar coarseness of his jeans marked a return to normalcy. John let out a sigh of relief. The last year had been a blur. Take this diplomat here, cut off a reaper supply line there. It had been an eternity since he’d been able to take the time to just slow down and feel life.

The creaks on the old staircase announced his presence to the residents of the home. Kaidan was already looking up towards the staircase in anticipation when John rounded the corner.

“Now that he’s here, how about you run your plans by both of the grooms, mom,” Kaidan teased his mother as he returned his attention to the vegetables he was chopping. Mei huffed in response.

Shepard raised his hands in mock surrender. “Woah, what exactly am I walking into here?”

“My mother has gotten herself a bit excited about wedding plans,” Kaidan responded, “seemingly forgetting that she might need the input of the people actually getting married.”

“Fine,” Mei fired back before taking on a sickly-sweet tone. “John, how would you like to get married here at the orchard? It’s where Kaidan’s father and I got married.”

“Sounds good to me,” Shepard shrugged while pulling himself onto one of the barstools at the counter opposite to her.

Kaidan’s eyes remained fixed on the vegetables, a light green warty thing John didn’t recognize. “You sure? I don’t want to monopolize the family traditions here.”

“Me and what family traditions, Kaidan?” John teased.

“Fair enough. Mom, looks like you got your wish,” Kaidan said.

She took the cutting board from her son and scraped it into a bubbling pot with a smirk. “Once we’re done here, we can start really making plans on things. You thinking something small or?”

Kaidan and John looked at each other, nodding in silent agreement. Though they hadn’t paid the details much attention both had made it clear well before they had even truly considered each other romantically that they both despised large gatherings. They made John nervous with too many factors to control. Kaidan held a strong dislike for the shallow conversations they often forced him to be a part of. Though each could tolerate them as their positions demanded, neither had any desire to force discomfort on their wedding day.

“Small,” Kaidan replied as he moved to begin cleaning down the counters.

Mei beamed. “Oh good, good! Much easier to accommodate everyone here.”

Dinner was a hearty stew filled with various vegetables and chewy chunks of a meat John guessed was beef. In any case, it was comforting and delicious. It stirred vague memories of his father’s own home cooking. After enjoying their meal together at the kitchen high-top, the three made their way to the sitting area of the living room as the sun fell over the horizon. Kaidan and John took places next to each other on the leather couch. Mei sat in a chair angled towards the same wooden coffee table. She still had catalogues from Kaidan’s cousin’s wedding a few months before the war. Even if they weren’t specifically good anymore, she was confident they’d help them at least begin to get an idea of what the couple wanted.

Kaidan and Shepard were more concerned with the personal details, which they would need to discuss on their own, but Mei was at least able to coax them into making some decisions. She directed them towards wildflower arrangements, Alliance blue fabrics, Singaporean for catering, and simple invitations to be filled out later.