Chapter Text

Bahrain International Airport | 21st of February | 10:13 local time 

Erwin’s luggage was ready to be taken to the hotel by one of the staff members of the team. As they took it away they smiled cordially and asked, “Did you have a nice flight, sir?”.

“I did - and don’t call me sir, Moblit!” Erwin smiled at Hange’s PA. 

Of course he had , he thought, trying to stop himself from finding an excuse because the whole flight had felt so lavish. The team had bought him one of the first-class seats again even though he insisted that economy class was fine too. Last year, he had finally managed to convince them and compromise with business but now they were back on their old antics yet again. They already thought of him as a weirdo for not wanting to fly private. Sometimes he couldn’t even avoid flying private. 

As much experience as he already had in the glamorous world of Formula 1, he was still not used to the luxuries that came with it.

Speaking of said luxuries, his fellow driver Miche should have arrived earlier by private plane. He probably had shared the plane and taken some of his friends and their fellow drivers who were flying from Monaco as well. Erwin had an apartment in Monaco like most of his fellow drivers, but he flew in from Birmingham this time. 

“Why didn’t you arrive yesterday?” Moblit enquired as he tried to keep up with Erwin. He knew he always walked faster than most, partly because of his long legs that naturally carried him quicker. Said legs were supposed to be much too long for an F1 driver but in spite of that, he was still one of the best. With his imposing height of 188 cm, way above the F1 average, Erwin was always guessed to be much older than he actually was. He was just 25 and in his fourth year in Formula 1.

“Well, it was my stepmother's birthday,” Erwin paused to let the staff member catch up to him, “that's why I wanted to fly in later.” As they continued walking, they walked up to the two taxi drivers with signs from their team. He would have to head directly to the track to make their first practice session. He had insisted he could easily take his luggage with him, but of course, the team had sent somebody out to take care of that. He couldn't help but always feel a bit awkward about all the unnecessary indulgences they lavished on him.

“I hope it was a good party!” Moblit smiled friendly as they were nearly at the exit of the airport.

“Feel ready for the season?” Moblit asked him. 

“Sure,” Erwin answered, the uncertainty in his voice causing a pang of guilt to run through him. Everybody on the team believed in him. They all put in so much work for him. The least he could do was sound sure of his wins this season. Maybe he would even be the champion this season if he managed to outperform his teammate in the earliest races.

When they reached the taxis, Moblit suddenly seemed a little unsure and awkward, his eyes shifting and stuttering even more than Erwin had ever heard him stutter. Moblit got nervous more often, especially around his manager, Hange. Usually he seemed fine around Erwin though.

"My nephew is a big fan of yours, any chance you could sign this cap,” Moblit asked shyly, worried about Erwin’s reaction as he held up a cap he had taken. 

"Sure!" Erwin smiled as he took the cap from him and a pen from his carry-on. Moblit looked relieved. Even when Erwin was always so friendly and open, he worried about his reaction. The last thing Moblit wanted was to be a bother.

“What’s his name?”

“Matthew,” Moblit smiled, clearly very proud of his nephew. Erwin appreciated that he seemed to feel a little uncomfortable asking for an autograph, but for somebody on his team he was happy to sign something for a family member. Especially for one of his younger fans. He would not be where he was today without his fans and he hoped to inspire the younger generations just as much as the drivers from two decades ago had always inspired him to get into motorsport.

Writing a personal message, Erwin focused on his handwriting being as neat as possible.

“Also, let me sign one of the new caps later okay?” Erwin offered.

“Oh, you don’t have to do that,” the young man shook his head.

“I want to, think of it as a thank you for taking my luggage to the hotel,” Erwin smiled friendly as he finished signing the last year’s design and handed it back.  

“Thank you so much!”

“I will get it to you, through Hange if I don’t see you” Erwin promised Moblit.

“Thanks and good luck this season, Erwin! It’s nice to see you again!” Moblit smiled as he got in the other taxi with Erwin’s luggage to take to the hotel while Erwin walked to the other one. As Erwin got in a taxi of his own to get to the track, he could feel the excitement really start to pump. 

He had been at the team’s factory in England for the better part of a week, yet again, to get his seat fitted. It always required so many awkward questions about how his ass felt, making it his least favorite part of each season. It made him question who spent that much time contemplating how their ass felt?

Looking out of the window, he let his gaze wander at the endless horizons of sand as they made their way to the track. He wasn’t sure if he was looking forward to the weekend. It wasn’t because he disliked being a driver. It had been his dream all his life and he didn’t want to say he was disillusioned, but after he spent a whole year playing second fiddle to his older and more established teammate, Erwin felt discouraged about this season. 

Miche Zacharias was a three-time world champion and Erwin had been lucky enough to get third place last year, having his race strategy thrown to help Miche multiple times. Erwin wanted to win races by speed, but he was nowhere without a good strategy. Even if he was faster than the older German, they often gave Erwin team orders to slow down or fall back. It was no longer allowed for the team to tell him to let Miche by so his senior could take the win. They did however always give him the least favorable team orders and had even completely ruined his strategy to favor Miche the last few seasons. Hange Zoë had always fought for Erwin and his strategies. They couldn’t win from the orders of the team, who had to answer to their sponsors. 

In the beginning, he had been so excited to join the team that he had dreamed of driving for since his childhood. In his younger years, his bedroom had been covered in posters of Survey Corporation Team . It was a British legacy team that he had supported together with his dad since he was a toddler.  

Even now he still felt honored that he had the opportunity to join only a handful of people in the world to drive with this team.

During his first race, it was clear though that his only role in the team was to helphelping Miche to his, then second, championship and last year his third.

He knew he shouldn’t complain, but it still hurt.

Erwin hoped that this year would be different. That he would be given the chance to drive more competitively and for his own wins, like in his first year in F1 when he had still been in the junior team after he had moved from F2. The team had boasted him to be their first British driver in a long time, doubling down on the Golden Boy persona that the F1 seemed to push on him. 

He just hoped that this year he could show them that he was just as talented as Miche. Maybe if he won the first races, they would actually back him this season.

It was hard to believe it was his fourth year in F1 already, the whole circus surrounding it was not any less weird to him yet. The traveling, meeting the people in the paddock and seeing all of these places still amazed him and made him feel very lucky.

But the thing he always hated the most about leaving the UK was leaving his dog behind.

This morning Senna had followed him all the way to the car, Erwin hugging and holding him for as long as he could before he really had to rush to the airport. The golden retriever had slobbered all over him and Erwin hadn’t minded, changing his shirt in the taxi.

He just hoped that Senna would be okay. Even when he had been in the lower divisions he had hated leaving him at home. But now that Senna was getting older and he saw some gray hairs around his nose, he worried more and more.

His fans also adored Senna. To his great amusement, he had found out last year that some of his fans had even made an Instagram fanpage for his dog with all sorts of edits. It had made him smile and he looked at them too, unbeknownst to them. He tried to update his own social media with pictures of his dog a bit more often, sometimes even with pictures that his parents would send him of Senna watching his races on the couch. The fans adored it and it made him feel a lot less awkward than all the love, simping, and even marriage proposals he received on the daily.

But none of those ardent of fans knew he was gay. He couldn’t come out though, not with a lot of the races on the calendar being in certain countries where people faced harsh punishments and trials for being gay. Not to mention some of his sponsors. They didn’t know he was gay. And Erwin knew he could land them in big trouble if he was not allowed entry into one or more of the countries hosting the races.

The taxi pulled up to the entrance of the paddock and he got out, grabbed his backpack and rushed to the control gate as quickly as possible before he could be swarmed by the fans. Usually, he didn’t mind spending some time with them, they had come all this way just to see him after all. But after leaving home this morning to start the season again, he just wanted to get to the safety of the motorhome.

After he received his new keycard for this season as he arrived at the track, he passed through the vestibules and started making his way towards his team’s motorhome that he saw in the distance. He tried to avoid the media that swarmed around and tried to get him in front of their cameras.

They always tried with him, even when he wasn’t one of the exciting names of the season. Most likely because he was well-spoken he assumed. Besides, they would try to get him to say something negative about his team or specifically Miche in the hopes that he would slip up about his dissatisfaction with some of the calls the team had made and would give the press something to write about.

As much as he tried to deny that he wasn’t upset about the fact that he was playing second fiddle to Miche’s championship, the media clearly knew even when nobody on their team had ever confirmedit. So maybe Erwin would crack when asked the right questions.

The Golden Boy of Formula One, which they always wanted him to be.

The British TV crew rushed towards him when they saw him. He was one of their home heroes after all. He didn’t even have to try and avoid them as he heard a familiar voice behind him and turned around to see the all too familiar face calling his name.

“Erwin!!!”

He barely got to turn around before Hange Zoë, his race engineer, swung their arms around him.

The TV crew quickly made their departure to interview another driver. By now they knew Hange Zoë and had made the mistake of interviewing them more than once. After over twenty minutes of way too much technical information, they had tried to cut it short but were stuck with Hange talking about all kinds of details for another forty minutes.

“It’s great to see you, Hange,” Erwin smiled. He meant it too. His race engineer was a bit of an oddball, but they were always there for him and they were one of the few people he did truly trust around the paddock.

“Come on, let’s have some breakfast and catch up!” Hange took his hand, dragging him along to the motorhome that belonged to their team.

Erwin moved the food around on his plate as they sat at the table. It was one thing he hadn’t missed during the off-season. Although he had still been watchinghis diet, of course, it was nowhere near as measured as his food was during the race weekends now. 

“So Piecke and I visited the Bahamas for our honeymoon– then we went home for Christmas,” Hange continued for a while telling him more of what they and their wife had been up to during the winter break, a smile on their face as they thought back on their holiday.

Piecke and Hange had met two years ago here in the paddock. She had been working as the social media manager of another driver and Piecke and Hange had started seeing each other outside of the races. Sometimes in the paddock too, but they had been very careful about that.

Erwin had known, having caught them in his driver's room once but had never told a living soul. He knew they could catch a lot of flak for it. Piecke had since retired from F1, moving to PR in football instead as they had worried about getting in trouble working for different teams and the potential rumors of them exchanging information.

Erwin had come out to Hange though, which made Hange the only person who knew in the paddock. It was nice having somebody who knew about it who didn’t egg him on about all the fans that idolized him, the women screaming for him at every press session. With how he had kept their secret, he knew they would never spill his secret.

It had been a while since he had seen Hange, although they had texted. Hange had come here earlier last week already to start setting everything up. The last time he had seen Hange was at the FIA Gala where he had  received his third-place trophy last year. Hange had been sloshed on champagne but he couldn’t blame them after the long season they had. 

FIA was the main body that governed the tournament, always finishing off the year with a fancy Gala. 

“What about you?” they finally asked him, a little worried as he seemed to be in his head.  

“I spent time with some friends, my family and Senna,” Erwin finally smiled.

“No big adventures?”

“Hange, I visited half the world last year, I was just happy to be home,” he shrugged.

“Fair, just – figured you had big plans,” Hange smiled friendly, “How is Senna?”

“Senna is good, just getting older – he’s ten already,” Erwin sighed. It was the first year he hated leaving his trusty golden retriever at home. He had traveled around the world for years now, in all the different race classes, but as Senna was getting older he found it harder and harder to leave him behind.

Sure, he knew that his dad and his mom were good to Senna and he had a nice home there too. But he felt horrible having to leave him behind now that he was getting older.

He got Senna when he was fourteen and he couldn’t imagine a life without him. Luckily their team’s factory was still in the UK and there was the British Grand Prix.Also, between races, he tried to go to his home and family near Birmingham as often as possible so he could see Senna.

“Got any new pictures?” Hange moved closer to him and Erwin proudly showed off some of the pictures of Senna on his phone with a smile on his face.

Bahrain International Circuit, Sakhir  | 21st of February | 15:45 local time 

When he  got into the car for the first practice session, he smiled as the mechanics had already put the picture inside the cockpit that he had asked them to. Right beside the wheel was a picture of Senna now.

It was a pain in the ass hoisting himself into the heavy racing suit. Even when they were custom made to him and his size, it was never really comfortable. Aside from all the layers and wires, his feet always felt so sweaty in the racing shoes. 

At least his team raced in blue cars and racing gear. The suit did look good on him, Erwin had to admit. The team’s photographers loved nothing more than taking pictures of him with his eyes matching the suit. 

Even though it was a new car, it felt familiarly cramped as he got behind the wheel of the car and started his first lap. A warm-up lap to get some heat into the tires before he could finally go for a fast lap.

Spotting some of the blue flags, he felt his heart beat faster. 

There was somebody on a fast lap behind him while Erwin was still doing warm up laps so he got the flags to move out of the way. He barely made it out of the way in time as another car overtook him close by. 

“Fucking hell!” Erwin cursed as he swerved out of the way, the other, black car dashing off into the distance. He spotted the Honda logo on the rear wing, cursing as it was the team they were worried about the most for this upcoming season. They had gotten Honda as a sponsor package deal with signing Ackerman as their new driver after all. 

He soon settled into his car again, getting used to his rhythm for the season. 

It was clunkier, probably suited even more to Miche than last year's car. Erwin could work with it though. If he wanted to win, he had to show he was better than Miche. His crew would refit the car, tune it to work better for Erwin if he was their top contender. 

Every time he felt like he had gotten into the rhythm though, Ackerman came blasting by and took him out of his focus. Fuck, the rookie was fast. 

Levi Ackerman was pretty young as well, only twenty. It wasn’t unheard of to debut at twenty, but it was rare. Erwin had looked at some of his F2 races of his championship season last year and the small man was an absolute missile on the track. 

He seemed to hold no fear of the speed, the danger of Formula 1. The media had likened him to an elephant in a China shop, smashing his car through every corner. It made for insane records. 

It was dangerous too and Erwin had read a lot of criticism on him as well. He lost his temper sometimes and it made him lose races at points too. They had nicknamed him the Speed Demon of Kanagawa. 

Erwin let him by once more, wanting to steer away from him as far as possible too because Levi could easily take the both of them out, even if Erwin was getting used to his car. Levi was so amazingly fast. He stopped accounting as he was taking slow laps to get to know the car. Meanwhile Levi was setting fast lap after fast lap. 

The steering was nicer than in his old car. He missed the downforce though, but that was something his team of mechanics could easily fix. 

The seat fitting had been good after all, his ass felt perfect in the car. 

Miche drove similar times and they were on opposites of the track with their car. Erwin wasn’t too sad not running into him. 

After doing a few fast laps, he pulled back into his pit box to have a look at the telemetry and to make some slight adjustments so that  it would suit his driving style too. 

Miche had just driven into the pits as well. The older German climbed out of his car, barely nodding at Erwin as a greeting.

Sure, they were cordial. But there wasn’t a lot of teamwork and friendship when you both had the same rocketship of a car to your advantage and both of you wanted to win the world title. Miche to defend his title and Erwin in the hopes of winning his first title.

No, he was done hoping, he was determined.

He wasn’t going to play second fiddle for another year. If he won the first actual races of the season, after this testing weekend, maybe this year they would bet on him instead and put him first.

Perhaps he had to be more like Ackerman. Maybe he had to stop being the Golden Boy and start fighting for himself and his own victories. After three years of being nothing but good and a team player, it was time to show he had it in him just as much as Miche to be a World Champion. 

It had been his mantra all winter break; ‘I will be the World Champion this year’

Pulling off his helmet, his balaclava got stuck for a second. His hair was sweaty and he combed through it with his fingers to get some of the sweat out. As gross as it was, he had missed this feeling. 

He walked towards the large wall with computers that Hange was looking at, studying his times from the practice and some other charts and graphs he didn’t care to know the exact meaning of. They would translate it into layman’s terms for him anyway.

“Looking good?” Erwin asked Hange as they were enthralled in all the stats of his car. 

“Looking great, Erwin,” Hange smiled as they gave him an encouraging smack on the shoulder. Sitting down next to Hange, he moved closer to their ear.

“Do you think if I give it my all in these first races and win – they will – they will give me a chance of competing with Miche for the title?” Erwin kept his voice low. Although there were a few wall screens separating his garage from Miche’s, he didn’t want the man to hear him.

“Of course, that was what I was trying to tell you last year, dumbass,” Hange told Erwin, “you got the speed, you got the talent. You just need to get the team’s preferred strategy for once. So fight, fight hard. You don’t have to be liked, you just have to win.” Hange grabbed his hand, squeezing it into a fist.

Erwin smiled, grateful that his race engineer was so feisty, the exact energy that he wanted to have and carry out for the rest of the season.

“We gonna do it this year?”

“We are, blondie!” Hange promised him and they quietly high-fived. Erwin was so grateful for Hange and for the fact they had worked together for three years now. He knew that a race engineer could make or break his career and he was happy and grateful to have Hange as his engineer.

He heard some shouting so he looked up and saw a short man walking by his pit box.

Levi Ackerman, no doubt.

It was the first time he got a good look at last year’s F2 champion. 

Champion wasn’t even the right description. He had obliterated the rest of the field, to the point where Underground Racing had signed him up for this year earlier in the season than Erwin had ever seen happen. The Honda money that came with Levi’s personal sponsorship had really helped the struggling team. 

He was a lot shorter than Erwin thought he would be. He hadn’t noticed when he had held the door open for Levi at the drivers meeting earlier because he had been so in his head with the start of the season.

Erwin wasn’t one to remark on it though. He was freakishly tall for an F1 driver. He had been told he would never make it, too tall to fit in the car and thus too heavy. With the rules around the weight finally lifted a few years ago, they were no longer hindered by their height.

Miche was even taller than him though and because of that, their cars had been adapted years ago. With the weight limit for the car and driver finally waived by the FIA a few years ago, they finally were no longer hindered by their height. 

He was surprised to see Levi walk by, given that the pit boxes of his team were a few boxes down and there was nothing Levi would need to walk this way for. 

Taking out his earpieces, he hadn’t noticed the man had stopped and Erwin had been staring at him for a while now. 

“Oi!”

Erwin looked up. Levi was standing in front of his pit box, hands firmly planted at his sides. The short man was clearly pissed off.

“Can I help you?” Erwin asked as he got up and walked towards the open entry of the pit box.

“The other box belongs to Zacharias, yeah?” Levi didn’t even greet or introduce himself.

“Only have two cars so that would be his,” Erwin deadpanned, nodding towards the box next to his, not sure why the man was bothering him about it in the first place. After the drivers meeting, he had a feeling Levi wasn’t here to make friends. None of the drivers were, but most of them were just a bit friendlier than the short rookie. Especially since the twenty of them were stuck together for most of the year they at least had to be civil. For eight months a year they saw each other almost more often than their own families. 

Levi nodded as he started walking to Miche’s pit box. Curious, Erwin walked over to where he was able tolook into Miche’s pit box, some of his mechanics joining him as well sincethey were curious to see what was going to happen as Levi made his way into the pit box of the tall German.

Miche’s mechanics were too surprised to stop him. Miche was turned away from him as he took off his helmet and took the earpieces out, Levi angrily tapping on his shoulder.

“This is going to be good,” Hange had joined them now as well with a smug smile, nearly climbing on top of Erwin’s back as they tried to look over him.

“Oh man, I don’t think he wants to do a helmet swap,” Thomas, Erwin’s front jack man, chuckled. 

Miche turned around to put his helmet away and looked down at the man in front of him. 

“What, you want a signature? F3 kids shouldn’t be here!” he bit at Levi.

Levi stood up even straighter, still ridiculously small next to Miche as he balled his fists. 

“You held me up,” Levi deadpanned, “It’s unsportsmanlike. Make way next time. Just because you are a three time world champion doesn’t mean the rest of us owe you shit!”

Erwin saw that even the camera crew for Formula 1 TV,that filmed the practice sessions and teams for international TV, had gathered around them now, Erwin and Miche’s team principal rushing out as well.

“Out of our pit box!” He commanded Levi, one of the mechanics grabbing Levi as too to drag him out.

Hange chuckled nervously as the mechanics turned around to rush over to the other garage to throw the rookie out if needed. Levi shook his arm free though and left on his own.

Levi walked by Erwin’s pit box, looking in again and stopped for a second, and their eyes met.

“Going to beat you too! Just because you kissed Miche’s ass and followed team orders doesn’t mean he likes you or that he will help you!” Levi warned him with a gloating smile.

Like Erwin didn’t know that after playing second fiddle for a year. But he sure wasn’t going to let himself get insulted by the new rookie just like that.

“Oh yeah? Good luck keeping your seat when you make a big stink in the first testing session of the season. You nearly drove me off as well. Fuck off,” Erwin told him after a few seconds, surprised by how crass the man was, especially as a rookie.

Levi left quickly, The Survey Corporation Team Principal shouting after him that he would go talk the FIA to get Levi banned before his first race had even started.

Erwin was sure he wouldn’t get banned. Controversial personalities sold too well for the man to sit out the first race of the season as a punishment. F1 TV were licking their lips over what they just had witnessedso there was no doubt they wouldn’t just ban Levi. 

One of the FIA stewards had already come out and caught up to Levi as he stomped down to his own pit box.

It was going to be an interesting season, for sure.

Chapter Text

Haneda International Airport | 20st of February | 09:46 local time 

Levi Ackerman arrived in Haneda on his own. He had talked a little to the taxi driver who recognized him from the media. The Japanese media had been boasting that after five years with no Japanese driver on the grid, that was about to change with Levi racing under the Japanese flag.

His mother would have brought him to the airport, even though their house in the northern part of Tokyo was a hellish drive away from Haneda. Kuchel would be the one driving, swearing at some of the cars that got in the way and made their journey longer. His stepfather, Takashio, would have sat beside her, trying to calm her down with vague wisdoms and his sometimes almost annoyingly calm words.

It would have been a ride Levi would have really enjoyed, his last moments with his family before joining the F1 circus.  

Yesterday had changed everything though. 

What would have been a nice dinner together got roughly interrupted by his stepfather’s doctor calling just before they were about to head out for dinner. The scan that had just been a regular check up had actually shown something much worse.

The lung cancer had come back and while Levi was about to head off to his first Formula One season, it was a whole different story for his stepfather who would have to go through a whole cycle of cancer treatments again. It wasn’t the first time. He had battled it a few years ago, having been declared in remission.

They had gone through the trauma and pain of him enduring all the treatments and the hospital visits for years, only going into remission a few years ago. Finally feeling the freedom of being happy and healthy. 

All of that changed again overnight and Levi hated the fact that he couldn’t even stay with them when his family needed him.

For over a decade, he had fought so hard to get into Formula One and now that he had finally made it and was about to head to his first testing weekend, he had almost thought of telling his team to call it off.

Instead his parents had told him to go and make them proud. It didn’t make it any easier to leave them right now.

His mother had looked so distraught as he had left and his stepfather barely dared to look at him. He would only be gone until next Tuesday before coming back to Japan until the season would really start. It still felt as if he was betraying his family leaving them for almost a week while things were so dire and raw.  

He had held his stepfather, Takashio, so tight, his stepfather almost taller than him and being so mentally strong through all of it. That strength was good, Levi thought, his mother would need that mental strength to support her too. 

Spending his time at the airport, holed away in the lounge, he kept texting his mother. Even though he knew that there was not much he could do about it, he wanted to at least offer some support through text.

It made him angry that his mother and kind stepfather had to go through this again. Especially after his mother had already been through so much as well. She had left Germany behind to go live with his biological father in Japan not long after she met him. When she had been pregnant with him, he had cheated on her but she had decided to remain in Japan as she had given birth to him. 

It made him proud to represent Japan, having been born and spending all of his life there. There had been some people that had been less happy about him driving under the Japanese flag. Others were just pissed off since he was only half Japanese and to some because he was a PR disaster.

Last year, during his F2 championship season, he had gotten in trouble with the media more than once. One time because of his swearing. Another time because he had gotten in a verbal altercation with another driver that had cut him off. Many times because he had tried to avoid them all together.

He had seen and gotten plenty of comments that he was putting Japan to shame. That he didn’t deserve the sponsor money a few Japanese companies like Honda were supporting him with.

His flight was called and he got up. His bag was full of Japanese candy and souvenirs for Furlan and Isabel. His mom had packed even fancier candy to give to his new Team principal to suck up to him. Levi had insisted that he didn’t need it, he was going to beat his teammate fair and square.

The older Norwegian driver, Eld Jinn, wasn’t exactly fast. He was very consistent though. Even though he didn’t win many races he always scored points for the team. It meant he was valuable as he kept the team from financially keeling over. Just as much, they hoped that Levi would win some races which would land them plenty of more money.

The team was struggling financially and signing Levi had really helped them, given that there was not only money from Honda, but they had sponsored parts as well.

His sponsorship money had been enough for them to revamp the car and even though it probably wasn’t the fastest, Levi wanted to make sure he brought money back to the table for the team.  

Kuchel had even wrapped up a little gift bag with Japanese snacks for Eld Jinn.

His mother was truly too kind for this world.

Boarding the plane, he was directed to one of the business class seats. He easily could have folded himself into one of the economy class seats at his height, but the team had booked his ticket. He guessed it came as a perk of being an F1 driver now. 

Sitting down in the large seat, he was offered a glass of champagne. Refusing, asking for some tea instead, he sat back. He was glad that he had a window seat. Getting up for a second to take off his jacket and to take his headphones from his bag, he sat down in the seat again. 

Swiveling down a little in hopes of reaching the footrest, he got an odd look from the flight attendant. He was too short to put his feet away, only reaching with his tippy toes. 

Trying to reach the footrest again one more time, he gave up on it.

Catching a last glimpse of Tokyo before the plane took off, he felt extra grateful to fly out of Haneda. Those beautiful views of Tokyo made him feel closer to his parents for just a little bit. 

His attention was pulled away as a flight attendant appeared next to him, holding out a card that was signed by all of the aircrew wishing him the best of luck for the coming F1 season.

“You are going to make all of Japan so proud!” the flight attendant told him and Levi just gave a small nod. He appreciated her kindness and her trust in him. He just wasn’t in the mood at all. He took the card with an appreciative smile in the endeven if it took some effort with the stressful morning he had had. 

He did look forward to getting to Bahrain and getting his first laps in as a F1 driver. He was also excited to meet up with Furlan and Isabel, the two staff members from his f2 team he had taken with him when he had moved to this F1 team. It was one condition of joining the team. He really wanted to keep his race engineer Furlan and physio and PA Isabel with him.  

Luckily the team had allowed Levi to take them both with him as he had signed on. He wasn’t sure what he would do without them by his side.

He tried to sleep on the plane, he had a flat bed after all, which was a luxury. When he had driven in F3 he had flown coach to Germany so many times. He had lived there for a few karting seasons with his uncle, Kenny. From his fourteenth until he was seventeen. Driving Europe helped him with getting into the world, much more than the closed down race scene in Japan.

Levi felt crusty and tired as he got off the plane in Bahrain. He had barely slept during the fourteen hour flight. He had worried about his parents and while he was on the plane, he hadn’t even been able to reach them.

Grabbing his luggage on the way out, he was glad that it was right before the season now. He didn’t have to worry about fans and the media yet. He could still walk around the airport and leave it without being bothered. 

The air was arid, hot and he felt a little dazed as he looked around. He didn't have to look long, Isabel had already spotted him and was running towards him.

“I am so sorry Levi…I am so so sorry,” she whispered as she pulled him into her arms. Levi tried to pull free, he had never been one for hugs. But, if he was honest with himself, the hug did something to him. All those worries and the sadness seemed to get a little bit lighter.

Manama, Bahrain  | 21st of February | 08:35 local time 

Levi picked up the team gear that had been delivered to his room in the morning. He had slept a little bit better through the night. Once he was awake he wanted to call his mother and ask her how they were doing. But because of the time difference that wasn't really an option right now, so instead he opted to message her and hoped that she would reply.

Collecting his stuff, he went to the lobby to find Furlan.

Furlan quickly found him in the lobby and invited himself to head to the track with Levi. Isabel had headed to the circuit earlier this morning to prepare his warm up and talk to the team chef about his meals. 

Levi had told her not to fuss over him but she pointed out that that was her job.

After meeting her at the airport, he had picked up the rental Honda sports car his sponsor had kindly provided him with. He liked driving to the track himself over having to depend on a driver to take him there.

He was nervous enough as it was, so he was glad to drive on his own;  it helped him clear his mind. Besides, every time he was so nervous, Furlan was always able to talk his head straight again.

He had met Furlan back in F3 and helped him get into the race engineer seat at his F2 team. He really liked how calm and smart Furlan was. Even outside of the strategies he provided for his races and the teams, he was just glad to talk withFurlan. Isabel was a lot more emotional and extroverted, whereas Furland understood him a lot better sometimes.

Walking to the parked Honda the valet had already gotten from the parking garage, Levi got behind the wheel.

Driving out of Manama and into the desert to get to the track, they discussed his practice strategies. Not only did he have to test the car and give data to the team, but Furlan gave him some pointers to prepare for the Bahrain Grand Prix as well which was happening as the 3 rd race of the season.

“Do you want to talk about your dad?” Furlan wondered after a few seconds.

“No,” Levi just shook his head as he pulled the car out of the parking lot.

“Okay,” Furlan just accepted his answer.

“It’s in his lungs. It was gone but it came back,” Levi finally just mumbled. Even if he didn’t want to talk about it, Furlan was the only person that he had shared it with beside Isabel whom he had called before leaving Tokyo. He wouldn’t share it with the rest of the team and especially not the media.

“He is going to be okay, Levi. In a week you fly home and they will know a lot more,” Furlan sympathized with him, flashing him a kind smile and wanting to touch his shoulder. Levi moved away before he could though.

“Yeah, doesn’t change the fact he is sick again though. That my mom has gotta go through this again. I can win all the races in the world and it won’t change a thing,” Levi mumbled agitated, letting out some of the annoyance and anger burning inside of him. His hands were sweating, his jaw clenched. 

Furland just nodded, listening to Levi. It was nice, having someone to be able to share this with. 

“Come on, let’s knock them all out,” Furlan told him as he laid his hand on Levi’s shoulder for a second. It was a welcomed gesture of comfort and Levi just nodded at Furlan. He was so grateful that in the hectic and still confusing world of F1 he always had Furland and Isabel with him.

Bahrain International Circuit, Sakhir  | 21st of February | 10:41 local time 

After having arrived at the circuit and eating the food that Isabel had so carefully picked for him, he grabbed the gift bag that his mother had packed for Eld.

Walking to the motorhome just down from his, he knocked on the door and Eld opened. The Norwegian looked at Levi a little surprised. They had met at the factory a month ago and had barely talked. Levi did think he was a kind guy and it was nice to have an experienced teammate. He wasn’t one to ask for help but he did find some comfort in having experienced Eld around him.

Eld wasn’t big into competition and just liked the art of driving. He was a family man, making sure that he got home to his family safe and sound after every race instead of making any new records. He was the opposite of Levi, but it was nice to hear the different opinions and approaches to racing.

“My mom insisted that I give you this,” Levi told him as he handed it over.

“Eh – say thanks to your mom?” Eld just said as he took it, a little surprised by Levi just coming to see him. Levi had figured that Eld thought he was an odd little man and was happy to mostly ignore the rest from the season aside from the PR.

Opening the bag, he thanked Levi though.

“They are all snacks from Japan. I hope you like them,” Levi explained briefly, wanting to be on good terms with his teammate even if they didn’t have to be best of friends. Eld inspected some of it.

“Thank you, I will bring you some snacks from Norway as well,” Eld promised

“That is okay, you don’t have to,” Levi wanted to leave, but Eld waved him along to go and have lunch before the drivers’ briefing and the first test session.

Sitting at the table, he was so grateful for Isabel, it was clear that she had made sure that he was provided with Japanese food as it was what he loved most. It was what his mother had always made for him and his stepfather growing up.

“You have a family, right?”

The blonde Norwegian nodded, walking with Levi to the cafeteria. Levi wasn’t really hungry again but the excitement took a lot of his energy and burned what little food he had in his body. He hadn’t managed to have much breakfast after he had worried about his stepfather all night. 

Yet, Levi knew that he had no choice but to carry on.

Levi sat with Eld at lunch. Eld told him about his kids and showed Levi some pictures of them. Levi didn’t really care, but he did his best to pretend to. His mother had told him to settle well in his team and he wanted to make her proud.

Eld had a nice little family though and the picture did make him smile. 

“What about your family, Levi?” Eld asked. Levi could see that it was a genuine question, but it didn’t make answering it any easier.

“My family is basically my mom, Kuchel and my stepdad, Takachiho,” Levi politely answered with a small nod. The last thing he wanted was to talk about his stepfather but even more so, he didn’t want to talk about what was going on with his family.

“Are you close to them?”

Levi nodded again. 

“They had some hard times. Being together as an interracial couple in Japan and you know - me… but they really tried to give me everything I needed to start my racing career,” Levi said and he meant it. He even felt a small smile creep on lips as he felt so much love talking about them. 

“They sound great,” Eld told him with a kind smile. 

“Yeah, they – they are the best,” Levi managed to say before looking back at his plate and only focusing on his food.

Levi had only a little bit of time to wind down in the motorhome after lunch before he had to go to the drivers’ meeting.

As he walked down to the meeting room, he saw the British driver he had supported for years in front of him. Erwin Smith.

He wasn’t sure why he liked him so much. Erwin was a clean driver whereas Levi wasn’t at all.

The tall blonde was in front of him, holding the door open. Levi caught his eye for just a second as Smith held the door open to him. For a second he was lost in the sparkling blue oceans that so many sponsors had fallen for as well when it came to Erwin. 

Taking it from him, he glared up for just a second. Next to the tall British driver he felt so tiny now.

It felt odd, his former heroes were now the people he would race against and share the track with. Even growing up, Miche had always been the top driver. It felt crazy to be in the same room with the driver who was in his late 30s. 

He wanted to sit in the back but even though most F1 drivers were not very tall, he was still much shorter than the majority of drivers. His team's clothing was too big on him and his feet barely reached the floor. It made him feel even smaller and more annoyed than he already was as he felt he was dealing with a lot right now.

Listening to the briefing, he took a few notes.  

After a few minutes, his pen ran out of ink and after licking it a few times and tapping it on the paper, it still didn’t work. He wanted to ask the Frenchman, Marco Bott, next to him, another rookie on the field.

Scratching over the notepad, annoyed as the pen wasn’t working, he turned his head in surprise as he was handed a pen from behind him.

Erwin, flashed him a kind smile and Levi took the pen after a few seconds, with a polite nod.

Finishing up the meeting, he wanted to thank Erwin Smith but he had already disappeared to his team’s garage.

Levi wasn’t sure what to think about him. Years ago he thought Erwin was one of the most talented drivers in the lower classes. He had been and Levi knew that Erwin held amazing talent. But from the very beginning he was held back by his team that wanted Miche to win over all. For years, he had cheered Erwin on and wished he would do better. He never did once he had gotten into F1, just following orders and falling back when Miche needed to win.

It was enough to the point that Levi had felt so disappointed in him that he wasn't too eager to really get to know him.

He could see Erwin and Miche were the first to go out on track as he walked into his pit box, their cars recognizable with the blue. They were the top team, their crew the best and the fastest.

Levi slipped into the black suit as well. Isabel was fussing over him, putting the earpieces in and instructing him on everything. Like it was the first time.

Getting into his car for his testing laps, He felt his chest burn.

This was it, he had to make the most of it now.

He had to be the best.

He had to make his country proud.

But above all, he wanted to make his parents proud.

Bahrain International Circuit, Sakhir  | 21st of February | 13:55 local time 

Levi settled himself into the racing car. It was molded to him and at the same time, it felt nice and safe. It was cramped and felt like a warm and safe cocoon around him. 

The engine roared to life as his crew put the tire blankets on. Furlan would help him write down all of their names so he could remember them. It was a new team with a new crew, but he wanted to learn all of their names, get to know their faces. He knew how important his crew was after his F2 season so he wanted to learn their names fast. 

Being cleared to leave his pit box, he drove onto the track. Waiting by the light, he felt his heart pound before he was able to push his foot down on the gas and he was out on track. 

Fuck, this car was fast, so much faster than his F2 car. It took him a lap to get used to, but before Furlan gave him the free rein on the car he started his first fast lap. 

The speed, the danger. It made him feel so much better than anything had in these last few hours. The danger aroused him and it felt like life was flowing through him. 

Drifting through one of the corners, he could hear Furlan laugh and he laughed along. His trusted race engineer knew how he was and how he drove. Furlan always felt the same glee when he pushed the car to its limits. 

Driving through the fast corners, he saw a blue car up ahead. Only barely moving out of the way, he raced by Erwin Smith. It made him chuckle, overtaking his hero of the last few seasons. 

A few laps later, he ran into the other blue car. Waiting for Zacharias to move under the blue flags, he instead almost rammed into the back of his car, since Miche was not moving. 

Bahrain International Circuit, Sakhir  | 21st of February | 17:45 local time 

“What the fuck did you do?!” Levi’s team principal shook his arm as they walked back to their box. He was already walking back, yet his team principal tried dragging him back at the same time, worried that he would cause even more chaos.

Fuck, he would probably have to go the FIA and then would get into so much trouble. Maybe he would never even get into F1 at all after this. He would have to go home to Japan and tell his parents and the whole country what a failure he was. 

Miche had cut him off driving in the practice session and he had lashed out, angry because he had been flying in the car and then been obstructed by the champion who had ignored the blue flags. 

Miche was such an asshole, thinking the whole field revolved around him. Levi had gotten that much from his interviews and how he had behaved on track had only made it worse. 

He knew it wasn’t the reason he had blown up like that though. Miche wasn’t the sole reason he had blown up; he was frustrated, angry and sleep deprived. He was angry that his family had another tragedy when they had already been through so much.

Levi knew he had fucked it up though as he had yelled at Miche. Levi knew he had fucked it up though when he had yelled at Miche. It wasn't the German's fault that Levi's family was going through the same fucked up shit again.

He wanted to yell about how angry and frustrated he was. That the only father he had ever known had cancer again and might be dying.

Going into his motorhome he smashed the door shut. Locking it behind him and sunk down on the small seat that was there for him. Pressing his hands against his face, he couldn’t help but stop the tears burning in his eyes from flowing down his cheeks and against his hands. His skin was tingling with the burn of shame as he had really lashed out and lost self control.

Fuck, he had messed up again. More people would now be sure that he wasn’t suited to represent Japan. He would get so much shit for it, he was certain.

It was his first day in Formula One and he was already fucking it up. He just wanted to be successful and make his family proud. Yet all he seemed to be able though, was mess things up.

His breath stung in his chest as he started to sob, dry heaving as he felt the pain and sadness for his family wash over him. Even if he had just yelled at the champion driver in F1.

There was a knock on his door, Isabel asking if he was okay. He didn’t reply, instead he just kept sobbing, trying to be quiet as he worried what this would mean for the rest of the season.

He heard more banging on the door, still not replying as he was so upset. Furland and Isabel called out to him and after they threatened to break down the door, he opened it.

Soon he only felt the arms of Furland and Isabel around him, trying to console him. Trying to act strong, he knew the dam had finally broken while he had tried to stay so strong. Since his father had gotten the call when he was about to leave, he had tried to push these feelings back, but they all came out now.

He wanted to fight himself free from their arms. Yet, he couldn’t. 

Sobbing in their arms, Levi didn’t even care about the dream he had always had and worked so hard for. All he could think about was his family. None of it mattered if his stepfather was going to suffer and his mother along with him. 

Was his dream going to turn into a nightmare?

Chapter Text

Melbourne, Australia  | 10th of March | 07:12 local time  

Levi sat on the edge of the bed in his hotel room. Looking out of the window, he soaked in the breathtaking view that was so expansive he could see St. Kilda beach in the distance. Isabel had told him to go there, to enjoy his time in Melbourne before the race but instead, he had holed up in his hotel room.

As much as he wanted to pretend that he wasn’t nervous about his first race, he was.

He was nervous about not being able to make his family proud after they had sacrificed so much for him.  

He wanted his parents to have a reason to cheer this weekend, to celebrate. With his stepdad having started treatment again, he hoped to bring them some relief and a happy distraction. 

His mother had told him before he had left that it would be a short flight, but even from Tokyo the flight had been ten hours. However, she still had packed more than enough snacks for him and Isabel so that they couldn’t finish all of them before their flight was over.

Isabel had flown with him from visiting the factory in England and scolded him for curling up into the seat to sleep. Saying it was terrible on his neck. Levi had pointed out that him going over 300 kms an hour and the G force it brought onto his neck couldn’t be good either, earning him a look of disapproval but also much-appreciated silence. The Australian woman had left him alone as soon as they landed on Australian soil to meet up with her family. Levi had been invited to barbeque with her family on Monday before he would fly out on Tuesday.

Getting him to agree to come had required some persuasion. It wasn’t even that he didn’t want to hang out with his trainer and her family, whom he cared a lot about, but more so that he didn’t like any social events. Isabel had begged him though and to nobody’s surprise, he eventually agreed to come. Isabel meant the world to him and after picking him up emotionally after his breakdown in Bahrain, he felt that he owed her one as well. 

It was Friday now and he had to go to the track soon for his first practice session of this race weekend. Given that Isabel was from Melbourne, she had offered to pick him up with her own car, but he kindly turned the offer down, perfectly fine taking the taxi instead. Not because he didn’t want to drive with her but because he wanted to make sure that she would make the most of her time while she was at home.

She wouldn’t be back for a long time when they left Australia after this weekend. Given how he felt about his own home situation, he started to realize more and more how long they were away from their families.

Usually, he would have taken Honda up on their offer of getting him a rental car to drive. Today he was happy to take a taxi,since he was quite nervous to get to the track. 

Everything went smoothly in the morning; the taxi arrived as he had ordered, he got in and greeted the driver. Since he was being driven to the F1 track, he worried the man was going to want to talk about it and ask Levi one hundred and one personal questions but luckily the driver was quiet and he got to just look at the sights of Melbourne. He had never been to Melbourne before since the F2 calendar didn’t visit the city and he hadn’t been signed on as a reserve driver in his F2 season, so he had had no reason to be here.

Studying the track with videos and diagrams was one thing but not knowing what the track felt like behind the wheel made him a little more nervous to race on this particular track. He was familiar with most other tracks, but not this one. 

Given it was a street circuit built up specifically for F1, he couldn’t have gone here to practice either. 

Getting out of the taxi, he grabbed his bag to walk down to the gates. He had received his keycard for the rest of the weekend through his team yesterday already and rushed through, surprised as Erwin Smith suddenly appeared beside him.

‘‘Hey, this is your first F1 race weekend!’’ Erwin Smith smiled at him as they made their way through the vestibules, ‘‘Good Luck!’’

Erwin clearly remembered him running into Miche’s garage at the testing session three weeks ago, but he always wanted to be nice to the rookies. He remembered how nervous he was for his first race weekend so he always wanted the rookies to feel at ease. As much of an asshole Levi had been, he figured that killing him with kindness was for the best. 

“You too, good luck licking Miche’s asshole another year,” Levi snarked at him as he quickly walked away to his pit box and nearby motorhome.

Before he could enter his pit box, he was grabbed on the shoulder by his team principal, a feisty Italian man who was one of the few people Levi did fear. He was still on his bad side after his team principal had had to go to the FIA after Levi had blown up at Miche in Bahrain. 

“When your family comes to the race, you have to let us know in advance so that we can get them an entry pass!” his team principal scolded him. His fear was replaced by confusion as he had not invited a family member. 

Just then he heard ridiculously loud laughter from his pit box. 

Levi closed his eyes and threw his head back, simply enjoying the last five seconds of peace he still had before walking into his pit box.

“Hey Squirt! Didn’t think we were going to let you get through your first F1 weekend alone, right?” Kenny smiled and  he hugged his nephew as he came running at him. Levi groaned as he heard some of the mechanics laugh as they heard Kenny address him by his nickname.

It was a surprise though that his uncle had flown here all the way to Australia. He still lived in Germany, after all. The same place and house where Levi had spent years living with him to get into European karting.   

He had lived with his uncle for a few years as a young teenager, given that most of the karting classes were in Europe. Kenny had driven him to every race and honestly, he felt like a piece of shit for not inviting the man. It had completely fled his mind as all the things were going on with his mother and stepdad.

“Come on, before you embarrass me to death!” Levi told his uncle as he dragged him along to his small motorhome. Showing his uncle around a little bit, he couldn't help but admit he was glad he was here. Even when he felt a little embarrassed by the man sometimes, it was so nice that he was here. It was nice to have at least one family member he trusted with him at thisfirst race which was so scary to him. 

He wasn’t salty or upset that his mother and stepdad couldn’t be here, since he fully understood his parent’s situation.

Still, it was nice to have at least somebody here to support him through his first weekend. As tough as he wanted to act and appear like he didn’t need anybody, at the end of the day he was still just a young man in a cutthroat world.

So, he didn’t mind when Kenny laid his hand on his shoulder as they walked around together.

“We need to get you a team shirt,” Levi pointed out as he pointed at his checkered shirt.

“I have one, but I want to keep it clean till the race - you know I’d spill ketchup on it before Sunday!” Kenny explained.

“I am sure we have one for you lying around here,” Levi smiled, finally warming up to Kenny after the shock of seeing him here started to wear off. Kenny returned the  smile and it warmed Levi’s heart, although he would never say it out loud.

Walking into his motorhome to get ready for the first practice, he allowed Kenny in with him as he changed into his race suit, Kenny helping with the cables that ran through for his earpieces and zipping it up.

“Thirty minutes left,” Levi checked his watch as he inspected his gloves and the balaclava he wore under his helmet, which Kenny was holding. He looked at the design, drawings of Japanese Sakura adorning it, and his racing number, 25.

“Sit down here for a minute, squirt,” Kenny patted down on the empty couch beside him, as Levi was pacing around nervously.

Levi wanted to argue, snark at him but did as his uncle asked. Kenny had been to so many races with him when he was younger, so the man sometimes seemed to know better what he needed than Levi himself knew.

“Your mother asked me to give you this, she said she was so sorry she couldn’t be here,” Kenny said, quiet and thoughtful as he was sure Levi had a lot on his mind over it. Kenny hadn’t been sure about flying out as he wasn’t sure if Levi would want him to. Kuchel had sent over a gift for him to take though, asking him to go. Levi would never dare to tell them that he didn't want to go through his first weekend alone, but his mother knew him well enough to know. 

Levi hated that she felt she had to apologize. Even if he had paid for the tickets, it didn’t change the fact that his stepfather was too sick to travel. He knew his mother had been torn between going to his first F1 race and staying with his ailing stepdad. Given how ill he was, he fully understood that she was not here.

It hurt him only because she and his stepfather had sacrificed so much for his racing career and now they didn’t get to reap the benefits. He was sure they would be following him on TV though.

He unwrapped the gift, thankful that he at least had Kenny here to support him. Holding up the tiny race suit, he recognized it to be his first karting uniform from when he was six. Tears welled up in his eyes, he couldn’t believe that his mom had kept it for all these years.

“Probably still fits you, Squirt,” Kenny nudged his upper arm as Levi carefully folded it and put it aside. Surprised as Levi flung his arms around him, Kenny caressed his back. He couldn’t imagine how much Levi was hurting and he probably couldn’t even talk about it with anybody. There would be plenty of people to listen to him, but Kenny knew Levi barely talked to anybody. 

“Thank you, Kenny, for coming here now and for supporting me all these years. I would have been nowhere without you” Levi told his uncle, hugging him tight.

Albert Park, Melbourne  | 11th of March | 15:33 local time  

“Welcome to the third session of qualifying. We lost the ten slowest drivers in the two previous sessions! Ten final drivers are fighting it out for pole position - for any new viewers this season, it means: who gets to start from the front row in the race tomorrow!”

Levi was waiting in the queue near his own pit box. He saw Kenny standing inside, looking at him as he lowered his visor.

The man had said he was already proud, given that Levi had made it into the third session on his first qualifying. It meant he was with the ten fastest drivers on the grid now. It wasn’t enough for Levi though. Although he was sure his car wasn’t fast enough to get pole position, he was still going to push it to its limit.

Doing a warm-up lap, he was so glad to be on a clear track with nobody around him, grateful for Furlan for getting the timing just right, so he had a clear track. 

Setting a timed lap, Furlan walked up to the car as Levi pulled his helmet up. Furlan put the tablet down so Levi could inspect the technical data of his lap.

“Where can I improve? What section of the track?”

“You did good, Levi,” Furlan said.

“That is not an answer that is of any fucking use to me,” Levi complained as he scrolled through the data.

“You were slightly slower in corner three,” Furlan threw up his hands, giving him an answer. 

“So I have to go faster there?” Levi pushed the tablet away so he could get ready for another lap.

“Don’t take any risks, Levi!” Furlan warned him, “You were already driving on the edge, you can’t go much faster there.”

“Yeah, I can,” Levi said, full of confidence, even when Furlan didn’t look so sure. The mechanics got his car ready for another fast lap and soon he rushed out of the pit box.

Staying out of the way of the other car during his warm-up lap, he felt his knuckles going white as he grabbed the wheel, his heart pounding as he started another fast lap.

Long straight, corner one leading into two. Decently long straight before the tight corner three. Not letting go of the gas befo-

He didn’t even have a millisecond to react as the rear of his car slid from under him.

“Yellow flags in sector 2! Levi Ackerman spins off into the gravel, he is beached in the gravel. The marshals are moving his car away quickly so luckily it is not a red flag,”

“Levi, are you okay?” Furlan asked over the radio. 

“Fuck!” Levi hit his hand against the wheel. The answer was enough to put his team at ease. 

Sitting in the car, one of the marshals tugged his arm to get out and he finally did so. Being so short, he needed some help getting out of the tiny cockpit, thanking the marshal as he pulled the helmet from his head. Walking towards the barrier, some more of the marshals helped him over as the crowd behind the barrier was calling his name for pictures. His head down, he just walked by them, starting the walk back to the pit boxes. He could have gotten a lift on a moped with a marshal, but he shook his head, wanting to walk back.

On the screens, he saw how Miche took the pole, Erwin very close behind him.

The longer it took him to walk back the less time he would have to face his mechanics who now had extra work getting all of the gravel out of his car and checking it tonight.

Plus, he didn’t have to look at Kenny, whom he had disappointed without a doubt. 

Arriving at the pit box, he tried to avoid them as well as the FIA official who told him he had to go to the press pen. Telling the official he needed a second, he walked into the motor home where Kenny sat waiting for him, jumping up.

“I’m sorry,” Levi didn’t dare to look at his uncle.

“It’s fine Levi, you are still seventh - plus you are okay, that is most important!” Kenny grabbed his shoulder.

“Who the fuck overtook my time!?” Levi said upset as he threw the helmet down on the couch.

“Springer and Kirschtein, you can easily beat them tomorrow,” Kenny told him as he handed him a towel.

“Fuck!” Levi just sighed again as he wiped the sweat off his face. “Hope mom didn’t see that.”

“Of course she did, she’ll be watching everything this weekend – and she will tell you too that it’s fine! Calm down. You can fix this tomorrow, no problem,” Kenny said as he tried to calm his nephew down.

Levi didn’t look at his uncle. He knew that Kenny was right, but he didn’t want to admit to that. 

“Levi!”

Looking up at Kenny again, Levi finally nodded.

“Alright, gonna go to the press pen before I piss FIA off even more.”

“Behave down there at the press. I am not going to defend you if you say stupid stuff again, squirt!”

Leaving the pit box, he walked towards the press pen sipping some more water as he felt the exhaustion settle in now that the adrenaline was leaving his body.

Walking by Erwin’s motorhome, the British driver nearly bumped into him as he was just leaving as well. The tall blonde laid his hand on Levi’s shoulder for just a second.

“Sorry – are you okay after that spin?”

“Yeah, fine.” Levi answered after a few seconds. He had wanted to scold him or snark, but Erwin looked legitimately concerned.

“Good, never nice to spin out,” Erwin told him as they walked together, “are you okay going into the press?”

“Not really – Sky TV is probably ready to roast my ass. Their journalists are watering from the mouth at this moment because they can roast me again I am sure,” Levi admitted as they had in Bahrain.

“I got you,” Erwin told him with a confident smile and stepped forward just a bit quicker so he walked in front of Levi, quickly pushing forward to sky TV , giving Levi some time to sneak off to the Japanese media team, who were a lot kinder on him.

Albert Park  | 12th of March | 15:00 local time 

“It’s light’s out and away we go for this whole new exciting season! Smith gets an excellent start as he drives himself into first place, passing his teammate. Ackerman has an amazing start, he jumps into third place! Excitement on the streets of Albert Park!”

“Third place, that was a great start, Squirt!” Levi’s race engineer Furlan told him as he wrestled his car around the first lap of Albert Park.

“Fuck off, call me that again and I will fuck this car into the wall, you asshole,” Levi warned him.

“Apologies for the colorful language,” the commentary soon had to apologize as they listened to Levi’s team radio on broadcasting, as they had a live feed of all the radios. After Ackerman’s amazing start they had tuned in to hear what the rookie had to say. 

Erwin had no idea what was going on behind him as he drove into first place. He didn’t even dare to look in his mirrors, too scared that he would see Miche in there, chasing him.

It was the first lap so he didn’t worry about team orders just yet. So the last thing he wanted was to give them a reason to fall back on team orders.

Driving lap after lap, there was a short virtual safety car which halted their speed and Erwin worried the man would come closer to him, but since it was virtual their places were static, both having to slow down. Springer had spun from the track, but luckily it was cleared up quickly. 

“Can I pit for new tires soon?” he asked Hange over the radio .

“Checking with the strategist, Miche wants the first pitstop,” Hange answered him.

“I am faster than Miche, give me the first pit stop. I need the undercut!” Erwin shouted over the radio. Biting his lip, it wasn’t gracious and it wasn’t how he usually was to his team. But he remembered Hange’s words, it wasn’t the year to make friends.

“Go for it,” he finally got the clear, turning around the last few corners.

“Box box box” He finally got the call and drove into the paddock, he nervously waited for the pitstop to finish. It was a fast one and relieved he drove out of the pit straight, back onto the track.

The whole race, he worried about the team pulling him back so Miche could take the win, but he was so fast that Miche didn’t even get close, so after more laps without incidents, he drove over the finish line.

He screamed his lungs out, in disbelief that he would be the championship leader. Sure, it was only one race, but he had started the season off much better than last year. Parking his car for the podium, he looked back to his teammate and, to his surprise, Levi Ackerman joined them. But Erwin was already being pulled away for his interview.

Finishing in the interview first, he was glad to go into the cool down room as Miche and Levi were interviewed. 

Levi was interviewed after him and he could hear it over the speakers, even in the cooldown room.

“Levi Ackerman, your first race and your first podium in the Formula 1 championship – what can you tell us?”

“Third place is not winning,” he heard Levi say curtly over the loudspeakers.

Chuckling a little as he took a sip of water, he was fascinated by the man. He was so crass, a total media nightmare, and fast as hell. 

“So are you unhappy with your result?” He could hear the confusion in the interviewer's voice.

“No, but still plenty of room for improvement,” Levi said so dryly Erwin wasn’t even sure if the man was happy to win his first F1 podium.

“….any words you want to leave us with?” the interviewer asked with so much confusion Erwin couldn’t help but chuckle again.

“Just wanna say ‘hi’ to my family back home,” Levi added before walking away and Erwin looked up as Levi came walking into the cooldown room.

“Congrats on the win,” Levi stretched out his hand and Erwin took it, a little surprised.

“Thanks, great job as well on your first podium,” Erwin smiled, “must’ve been hard to get to third from seventh,”

“Yeah, managed to get past some cars on the outside at the start, rode in third from there and kept them behind me,” Levi explained as he downed the bottle of water, Erwin nodding with a smile, his eyebrows up in surprise as Levi made it sound so easy.

Miche joined them as well after his interview, looking unimpressed and ignoring Levi as he only greeted and congratulated Erwin.

For a moment Levi thought about mocking him but decided to keep his mouth shut. Since he was already in so much hot water with the press, he didn’t want to make it any worse. So he just politely nodded at the man even though he still ignored him.

Grabbing the special cap celebrating his third place, Levi put it on his head. He knew his hair was a mess after these races and only a cap could tame the bangs.

Running up on the podium a few minutes later as his name was called, Levi was surprised by the amount of cheers that he got. He guessed that he did have quite a few fans in Australia or that a lot of Japanese fans had flown in, but it still surprised him. Of course, Miche got even more cheering, being a multi-world champion and even more of the thunderous applause was for Erwin, since he was the winner.

Taking off his cap as the British anthem was played, Levi stared into the crowd.

Sure, he had been on many podiums in the F2, but the crowd here was so much bigger. Erwin towered over him, not even just because of the stage but because the blonde driver just was so much taller than him.

Erwin smiled as if it was his first podium ever. It wasn't, but this was the best one yet. He was very excited to have won the first race of the season. Miche and the staff member from their team who got to celebrate their win for the team from Erwin were spraying champagne at each other and didn’t spare Erwin.  

Levi stood alone, waving at his team members and spraying some champagne down at them as he was mostly ignored by the two other drivers and the staff member. Quickly, Erwin turned and aimed the spray at him.

“It’s his maiden podium!” Erwin tried to direct Miche to spray Levi with champagne, but the older German seemed indifferent. Looking down at the crowd, Erwin looked a little surprised at one of the guests. 

Under the podium was a strange man with a large cowboy hat and goatee, cheering loudly, pointing at Levi who just took a sip from the champagne and looked as if he was ready to get off the stage as soon as possible.

Shaking the bottle again, Erwin sprayed some more on him, Levi turning around with a frown, but finally spraying some of his champagne at Erwin as well with a shy smile.

“THAT’S MY NEPHEW!” he could barely make out from under the podium.

“Your uncle seems happy!” Erwin told Levi as the man walked closer for the podium photo. He saw a glimpse of a smile on Levi’s face as he heard Kenny now as well.

“First podium champ, better enjoy it!” Erwin told him as he laid his arm around the short driver for the podium photo to be taken. Levi pulled himself free just a moment later, grabbing his half-empty bottle of champagne and trophy and walking downstairs.

Running down the stairs, he searched for his uncle in the crowd and ran into his arms, jumping up as he put the trophy and champagne down and wrapped his arms around his uncle's neck.

“I am so proud of you Levi!” Kenny told him as he held him tight.  

“Thank you,” Levi mumbled, although Kenny could hardly hear his nephew over the crowd. 

“Lemme see that trophy!” Kenny let go of him and Levi showed it to him, before he gave him the giant bottle of champagne. Given how small Levi was, it looked even more ridiculous coming from his hands. 

Taking a chug from the champagne, Kenny had tears in his eyes as he hugged his nephew again.

“No, don’t thank me, you did all of this yourself, Squirt,” Kenny told him, holding him so close.

Downtown Melbourne, Australia | 13th of March | 12:45 local time 

Isabel had picked Levi up at the hotel to go to her family barbeque on Monday. She had been there late with him last night for some cool-down exercises and massaging. He didn’t want to lie, he did feel a little sore after his first full race in a F1 car. It was so much faster than his F2 car last year after all. The spin on Saturday didn’t help.

He felt a bit weird as she sat down behind the wheel again.

“You’re driving with a F1 driver that even has a podium now and you still insist on driving?” Levi teased her a little and she threw the key at him. Moving the seat forward, he sat down in the car while Isabel looked a little nervous as he settled behind the wheel.

Moving the seat forward as even his trainer was taller than him, he drove off. Driving through downtown, he drove very politely and even slowly but as soon as they got into the quiet suburbs, Isabel chuckled surprised as he floored it and drifted the car through one of the corners.

“To the right here, Levi! To the right!” She squealed as Levi drifted through the corner again.

Giggling with delight as he raced through the streets, she couldn’t stop laughing all the way till they arrived at her aunt’s place.

“That was fun, Levi!” she smiled at him, surprised since the man was always so uptight and quiet. It seemed that his uncle visiting him and winning his first podium had at least made him open up just a little bit more.

“Promised you I wouldn’t wreck this old piece of shit,”

“Don’t call my precious Toyota that,” Isabel complained with a smile.

“If we win the championship this year, I am buying you a brand new car with the prize money,” Levi promised.

“You don’t have to Levi,” Isabel smiled.

“But I want to?” Levi pointed out. Looking at the old car he worried about losing Isabel by his side if he and his team didn’t offer her enough.

Chuckling, she shook her head.

“No, it’s fine! I just don’t see the point in driving a new car when I am away with you most of the year.”

Levi nodded relieved. She was always there for him and had already been for more than a year. Besides all the training and helping him with his diet without smothering him, she had become a good friend.

She made him feel at ease, even during the sports massages he had dreaded so much before and the last thing he wanted was to lose her by his side.

“Gonna send you my fines you just racked up though,”

“Very fair,” Levi told her as they got out of the car. Walking to the gate together, Isabel’s mom, who he had met at an F2 race before waved them in. 

“Come in, come in!”

Isabel proudly paraded him around her family and after some small talk, he sat beside Isabel who sat next to her aunt. 

“Surprising that Erwin Smith took the win, they sacrificed Zacharias’s pitstop,”

“Erwin is really nice, by the way. Always stops for a talk,” Levi’s trainer told her aunt, although Isabel never slagged off any of his opponents anyway. Furlan was much better at that, briefing him on all the nicknames he had for the rest of the grid when they met in January. He had called Miche a dinosaur and Erwin a nepo baby and Levi had thought of it as they were on the podium yesterday.

Last time they had been at the paddock they had walked past one of the other drivers - the Austrian, Reiner Braun - with luscious blonde hair. Furlan had called him a himbo. It made Levi wonder if anybody had any nicknames for him already. 

It was honestly a welcome change from the rest of his team, so uptight at the best of times.

“Handsome too, you should probably try and get his number,” her aunt slurred as she had another sip of wine.

As if that nepo baby would ever look at Isabel, Levi thought as he rolled his eyes.

He thought that Isabelwas great and even pretty, but he was also pretty sure that Erwin Smith wouldn’t grant her even a single glance, as she was putting way more effort into her job than her looks.

Levi chuckled to himself for a second as well. He was well aware that Isabel was clearly falling for Furlan since the moment she met him in F2. Furlan was as thick as a stick of butter when it came to love though and he figured that if nothing happened before the Christmas party this year, he could at least nudge them in the right direction.  

Sitting on the edge of the deck as the family was chatting amongst themselves about some people he didn’t know, he looked as Isabel came walking his way with some water and rolled his eyes.

“Have you been hydrating?”, Isabel asked and narrowed her eyes.

“You are off the clock,” Levi pointed out.

“Still, I want to have much more of that snazzy champagne,” she smiled as she sat down next to him.

“Fine,” Levi smiled as he enjoyed some of the last rays of sunshine on Australian soil. He wasn’t upset about going home tonight as he really wanted to see his mother and stepfather. Even if it meant he had to get a night flight. 

“You must be excited to go home tonight and see your parents,” Isabel smiled as she took his hand and squeezed it. It surprised him a little, but it seemed she was quite nervous to even bring up his parents.

“Yeah, they have been blowing up my phone. Will be nice to see them in person,” Levi said, not saying out loud that he was also worried that he wouldn’t see them in person often this year, given that he didn’t think his stepfather would be able to fly out. Maybe he could go see them during the summer break and of course during his home race.

“How is your stepfather doing?” Isabel finally dared to ask him. She had waited over the weekend, not wanting him to have to talk about it with the race already on his mind.

“Started treatment again a few weeks ago when I flew to Bahrain, so he was pretty ill when I left on Thursday,” Levi said as he looked at the bottle in his hand, not daring to look at Isabel as he tried to hide his sadness and concern over his stepfather's health. He had been in his life since Levi was just ten years old and although he still called him his stepfather, he really just was as much of a father as he could be.

“He is going to be okay Levi, I am sure!” Isabel tried to comfort him, caressing his back as he nodded.

“I think so too,” Levi said, although it was a lie. He couldn't stop thinking about the possibility of losing him. It scared him that potentially his mother might be all alone.

“I am going to grab another burger, gonna grab you one too, Squirt!” Isabel said as she squeezed his shoulder and got up.

“Stop calling me that!” Levi yelled after her.

Narita International Airport, Tokyo  | 14th of March | 09:11 local time 

It was a rarity that Levi got to travel home between races. The next time he would be able to go home after this race would probably be after the Singapore GP, all the way after the summer. Like most drivers, he owned a small apartment in Monaco so he would spend time between races there. As much as he wanted to fly out to Japan, it was simply too far and the time difference would fuck him up.

The taxi driver recognized him and congratulated him on his first podium, which Levi politely accepted with mumbled thank you. It felt a bit awkward that he would get recognized more often now, but it wasn’t as bad as he had thought so far. 

Pulling up in front of the old traditional townhouse to the north of Tokyo, it felt good being home. He hoped that one day, he would be able to give his mother and stepfather a bigger house. They deserved it after all the years they had sacrificed everything for him

Maybe when his stepfather, Takashio was finally better they would feel ready to move places. Besides, he would probably need this year’s Champion prize money before he could even think of buying them a big house in Tokyo.

Getting out of the taxi, Levi grabbed his luggage from the driver and thanked him as he walked inside.

He groaned for just a second as his parents had decorated the house for him and his mother came running from the kitchen.

“I am so proud of you, you were so amazing!” Kuchel told him as she pulled him into his arm.

Takachiho joined in on the hug as well.

“I am so proud of you too, Levi, you did amazing!” he told him and Levi wished the hug could last forever. Eventually they let go of one another and headed towards the kitchen.

“Can I make you some breakfast?” Kuchel offered immediately, already having some tea ready for him.

“Sorry mom,” Levi shook his head before he smiled at her: “I had a lot of food on the plane – sit down, I will make you two something,” as he  took the tea, taking a little sip of the tea.

“Any chance you can make the eggs that Isabel is always making for you?” Kuchel asked and Levi nodded. He had made the spinach and cheese eggs Isabel always made for him a few times and he happily made them for his parents as they loved them.

For the last winter break, he had rented a small apartment nearby so he didn’t need to bother his parents with his training and sticking to his diet when he was here in Japan. He had made a point to come over to have dinner with them often and alsohelped his mother with some reno jobs that had to be done to the old townhouse.

Since his stepfather had been diagnosed just before testing, he had been home a lot more after testing to take some of the burden away from his mother having to care for him.

While he was beating the eggs, he looked back to see his mother look at him with so much pride and even Takashio was smiling as he looked up and down at Levi as he prepared the eggs. Takashio was decked out in full team gear from his last team and Levi made a mental note to have Isabel ship over some new merch. 

“Look at that, a world-famous F1 driver is making my eggs,” his stepfather laughed as Levi plated the eggs for him.

“Eat up old man,” Levi just humored him, laying his hand on his shoulder for a moment.

“Yeah yeah, stop concerning yourself with me,” Takachiho waved away his worries.

“How are you feeling?” Levi finally asked as he squeezed his shoulder again.

“I feel great, Levi. Seeing you on the TV on that podium made us so happy - me and Kuchel even had some champagne on Sunday to celebrate for you,” he smiled at Levi.

“How is that fancy champagne you get on the podium?” Kuchel wondered.

“Like any other. Kenny loved it though, he shared the leftovers with the mechanics  after the ceremony,” Levi smiled as he sat down at the table as well.

Taking a sip of the tea, he was so glad to have his favorite brand of tea again. He had forgotten to pack some for Australia. His mother had already stocked up so he could take plenty of it to Monaco. She had promised to send some boxes over the year along with some of the Japanese food he did mis . Those parcels always made him so happy. He was sure they had carried him through the F2 season last year.

“You look tired,” Kuchel remarked.

“Little tired from the flight, sorry,” Levi yawned as it had been a red-eye flight.

“Why don’t you lay down,” she offered, but Levi thought it sounded more like an order.

“Just gonna have a nap, I am going to take you guys out for lunch later, okay?” Levi promised them and he saw his parents wanted to protest, but Kuchel finally nodded.

“That would be nice,”

Excusing himself, Levi left them to have breakfast.

Walking upstairs, he went into his own bedroom. He was pretty sure that he hadn’t been here in over a year. As he had stayed in a separate apartment over the winter break, there had been no reason to go in here.

He had told his mother to change it into an office or whatever the fuck she wanted.

Not in those words. His mother wasn’t a fan of his potty mouth and he knew she wasn’t happy with how much he had sworn on TV this weekend again.

Nothing had changed from the last time he had lived with them three years ago, before going off in the F3 and then F2.

There was a poster on the wall of the F1 grid from four years ago. Many of whom had raced with him two days ago. One face made him chuckle though. He had been a rookie at the time, looking so young.

Taking the poster off the wall, he looked at the blonde driver who had been so kind to him this weekend.

Maybe he wasn’t as bad as Levi thought he would be. 

Chapter Text

Round 2 || China

Haneda International Airport | 24th of March | 08:44 local time 

It was a short flight for Levi this time, only three hours from Tokyo to Shanghai. Given he had to fly all over the world the rest of the season, he’d spend many more hours on planes. 

Kuchel had lovingly packed some snacks for him to have at the airport or on the plane. He didn’t dare to tell her that he wouldn’t be allowed to eat them now that he was on a strict diet regimen again.

Instead, he just carefully tucked them away in his bag as Isabel would love them. He would meet Isabel at Narita airport. Even though he had insisted he was fine flying to Shanghai on his own and she should just fly directly from Melbourne, she insisted on flying through Tokyo to meet up with him.

It would take her hours longer but she had insisted. When Levi had argued once more, she had told him that she wanted to see a lot of the movies they offered in flight and his team was paying for her flight anyway.

He knew it was horseshit.

The reason she wanted to meet up with him in Tokyo and travel together from there was actually that she worried about how he would react to having to leave his parents for a long time. From the Chinese Grand Prix, they would fly to Europe so he could settle into the new time zone - it meant he would not see his mother and stepfather for a long time.

With how sick his stepfather was and how much of a road he still had for treatment, Levi hated the idea of leaving his parents and she knew how much he struggled with that.

Even after the nearly hour-long taxi ride from his home to the airport, Levi still felt dejected. Isabel ran to his taxi as he took his bag from the driver.

“Hey,” She greeted him as she laid her hand on his shoulder, waiting for the man to turn around at her. Seeing the sadness on his face, she wrapped her arms around him without him saying anything. The hug was awkward, but as it lingered, Levi finally laid his head against her shoulder, his hands on her back.

“Thank you for picking me up here,” he finally said. He wanted to argue again they could have even met up behind security, but after his goodbye this morning he was glad to be with one of the few people that he did feel comfortable with.

“Family is always more important than the sport, okay? If there is ever anything – anything where your parents need you, we drop everything and fly back, okay?” she promised him as he held him even tighter. 

Levi finally nodded, taking his bag back and tried to put on a brave face again.

“Come on, let’s get inside. I wanna check out the lounge before we fly!!!” Isabel said as she turned on her feet, grabbing Levi’s bag and dragging him along with her other hand.

Not even an hour later, Levi sat in one of the big chairs looking at the planes landing and leaving, some tea in front of him as Isabel was doing another raid of the buffet. He had taken off his shoes and sat curled up in the seat. One of the magazines he had picked up was in his lap but he hadn’t read any of it as he pondered.

“Levi, they have so many types of sushi!” Isabel smiled as she popped up beside him again.

“My mom packed us some food as well to have on the plane. There are probably some onigiris.” He told her as he finally looked up at her, happy to tell her something positive.

“Why didn’t you tell me!? I would have saved some space in my stomach for those?” Isabel said as she sunk into the seat behind him, still helping herself to some of the snacks she had picked up.

“Like you are ever not hungry,” Levi chuckled for a second as he sat up just a bit to steal one of the sushi rolls she had picked up.

Isabel wanted to tell him he would have to stick to his diet again in China, but let it go for now.

“How are your parents?” she finally dared to ask as she grabbed another roll from the plate between them.

“Fine,” Levi didn’t give her much of an answer.

“But your dad….?”

“He’s okay,” Levi just frowned as he looked out the window again. He wasn’t, but he didn’t want to talk about it.

Isabel wasn’t sure what to say anymore as he didn’t want to talk about it. Sometimes she could pry bits and pieces out of Levi, but it was often like drawing blood from a stone.

“He is not my dad,” Levi added after a few seconds and Isabel could see some of the muscles around his mouth contract, his eyebrows frowned for just a second. She had seen it though.

“You often call him your dad,” she pointed out, concerned.

“I don’t know why I said that,” Levi still looked away from her. He did now. He knew very well. The pit in his stomach only seemed to get worse. Tugging on the skin on his fingers with his nails, he tried everything not to look at Isabel.

“Levi, you know you can talk to me, right?”

“I only said it because I am scared of losing him. Shit scared to lose my father for the second time,” Levi admitted. Even if he couldn’t remember his biological father, he did feel abandoned by him and he couldn’t bear the idea of losing his father for a second time. His stepfather was his father, even if he tried to distance himself from his stepfather for his own sanity. 

Isabel had taken his hand, squeezing it. Levi shook his head, not wanting to talk about it any further and he grabbed the last sushi roll from the plate.

“You asshole!” she told him in disbelief. 

“Have to take these moments before you start harping about my diet again,” Levi pointed out as he stuffed it in his mouth. Isabel chuckled slightly now.

“Levi, I usually have to force you to eat,” she pointed out. She was still holding his other hand. She knew that Levi was not the one to show his feelings, the fact that he had dared to even up a little to her meant the world.

“Come on, let’s head to the plane. Can’t wait to have your mother’s onigiri,” Isabel smiled as she pulled him into his feet. Her arm was around him as they walked to the plane, he was still so grateful to have her.

Downtown Shanghai | 25th of March | 16:21 local time 

Erwin had left the hotel for a second to buy some more water at the convenience store near the hotel. He knew he could have easily had the hotel deliver some to his room, but after flying in yesterday and not being expected at the track tomorrow, he was glad to leave the small hotel room. These hotel rooms always made him long for his home in England, a decently sized house in the countryside that he mostly got so that Senna had enough space to run around.  

The crowded hotel and the city were exactly what he disliked. He wanted to be at home with Senna.

Walking back into the hotel, he saw Levi Ackerman standing by the front desk.

“A towel? Taoru? Please?” his short fellow driver pleaded and Erwin carefully walked closer towards him. The front desk agent seemed lost, looking young and out of depth.

“Hey, do you need some towels?” He stood behind Levi now.

Levi looked up at him, surprised. For a few seconds, he wasn’t sure how to respond, but finally, he nodded.

Erwin flashed him an assured smile and leaned on the desk beside Levi. In broken Mandarin, he asked for towels for Levi. The front desk agent bowed, asking something back. 

“How many do you want?” Erwin repeated the question from the front desk agent to Levi after a few tries.

“Two?” Levi asked a little unsure, just seeming so surprised by how the blonde man had come to his aid.

Erwin explained it to the clerk in his best, but broken Mandarin and after waiting barely a minute, Levi was handed two towels. He still looked a bit surprised at Erwin being able to ask it for him in Mandarin, but Erwin was happy to help and glad to see the faintest smile on Levi’s face.

“Thank you,” Levi thanked the desk agent. Turning around, he thanked Erwin as well, Erwin waving his thanks off. Walking with Levi, Erwin wasn’t sure what to say.

“When did you learn Mandarin?” Levi finally opened the conversation between them.

“My teammate in F2 was Chinese and he taught me a little Mandarin,” Erwin smiled friendly at the man. Levi still looked distrusting.

‘‘It was a Chinese team too, so I tried to study it,’’ Erwin explained, elaborating a little more as he walked with Levi. 

“You had time to learn a whole-ass language while driving a full F2 season?” Levi frowned. He thanked the desk worker as they started walking towards the elevator.

“Now now, we didn’t all have one single season in F2,” Erwin said with a smile as he pressed on the elevator button.

“One and a half,” Levi corrected him.  

“Still, was nowhere as fast to get into Formula One as you did,” Erwin told him.

“What, you did like…two years?” Levi scampered with a smile as they got into the elevator together.

“Two and a half,” Erwin answered him as he pressed the button for his floor. Levi didn’t move, being on the same floor.

It was a surprise, as often different teams didn’t want to share a floor, worried about disruptions or rivalry. It had to be a mistake. But Erwin wasn’t going to bring that up with anybody.

Levi usually hated it when he had to share the elevator with other people. Small places where he couldn’t get away from people.

Yet, standing next to Erwin it wasn’t as bad.

Erwin smiled friendly at Levi, hoping to make him feel at ease. The last time in Australia when the man had seemed so dejected having to go to the press after the qualifying still was on his mind. Even when Levi lashed out and spoke his mind, he still always seemed nervous every time Erwin had seen him…out of place in the glitz and glamor of F1. 

“What languages do you speak?” Levi wondered after a few seconds.

“English, Italian, Spanish, French, German – a little bit of Mandarin - I have been wanting to pick up Japanese!” Erwin answered him with a smile.

“That smile will be gone once you get to Kanji,” Levi warned him as the elevator was still on its way to their floor.

“Sorry, I just like languages. Takes my mind off the stress in the sport,” Erwin admitted. It did feel a bit silly, but it was nice to talk about the things he adored. He was always sure that people didn’t care and thought it was boring. All they cared about was him being an F1 driver after all.

Levi huffed for a second.

“Why are you saying sorry? I think it’s cool,”

“What about you, Levi?” Erwin wondered, a little moved by the compliment that Levi had given him. It was only a small compliment but it coming from Levi meant the world.

“I am only fluent in asshole. Sometimes English and Japanese on good days,” Levi told him as he walked beside Erwin. Erwin laughed so loud and genuine, it caused Levi to feel the corners of his mouth pull into a smile for just a second. His laugh was loud but warm and even infectious.

“Teach me some Japanese someday?” Erwin asked with a cheeky smile. Levi was such a strange person but it was exactly what he adored so much. He liked the man, he was not as polished, not as stuck up as everybody else here.

“Sure,” Levi said as he unlocked the door with his keycard. Erwin was a few doors down from him and started to walk towards his door.

“Erwin?”

He looked up, holding the door before it would fall and lock again.

“Thank you,” Levi thanked him.

“No problem Levi, if you need anything else, feel free to knock on my door,” Erwin said with a friendly smile – and he meant it. He had felt so foreign in F1 and if he could help Levi settle in, he would gladly do so.  

Shanghai International circuit  | 26th of March | 16:31 local time 

After the practice session, Levi had done his best to be as slow as possible as he had to go to the press pen to talk to the press, hoping to shorten his time in the pen. This time Erwin didn’t come to his rescue and he was stuck with the Chinese delegation while he tried to sneak off to the Japanese delegation.

He knew his parents would see the interviews he did with the Japanese broadcaster and they were often so long as Levi was the only one speaking Japanese on the grid that a lot of other news crews left him alone. The Japanese reporters were like a beacon of safety among the pack of hyenas trying to interview him. Trying to get him to say something stupid they could write about for the weeks to come.

It hadn’t been a great session for him either. He felt a little worn out for not sleeping so much. All he wanted was to do well this weekend. His stepfather was weighing on his mind though. He wished that he could be home with him and his mother and support them. That he wouldn’t see them for months didn’t help either.

Even though he was living his dream now, he felt so stressed out about his home situation that he wasn’t sure if he was enjoying a minute of it.

He didn’t get a moment to settle in the press pen as the Chinese TV crew immediately rushed his way.

“Are you ready for the weekend?”

“As ready as can be,” Levi left it up in the air.

“You had your first podium at your debut last week, so the pressure must be high on you right now,”

It fucking was.

Not sure what to answer, he stared into the camera like a deer in the headlights.

“Levi?” the reporter asked after a few seconds.

“Yeah, yeah, gonna try to win,” Levi finally managed to stammer. He had to. He had to win for his parents. They had given everything for him and now – now they couldn’t even visit any of his races. He had to at least make them proud in front of the TV.

As Erwin came walking by, he waved the blonde over.

“Did you know he speaks Mandarin?” Levi asked the presenters and they looked at Erwin in awe, waving him over. It was just enough time for Levi to duck out and flee to the Japanese broadcasters.

He started talking to the Japanese delegation but was close enough to hear Erwin struggle through the interview. He felt a little bad now, he had thought it would be funny, but figured now that he may be embarrassed now since his Mandarin wasn’t fluent.

Levi met his eye, Erwin looking at him with a cheeky smile. Levi blushed a little as he had gotten Erwin into this. Relieved as the man didn’t look upset, he smiled back.

Levi couldn’t believe how pretty the man was when he smiled, completely zoning out of the interview.

The presenters called his name and he looked back.

Apologizing for being mentally absent, he answered their question quickly. He was glad when the interviewer rounded up their interview. Walking from the press pen, Erwin walked beside him out of nowhere, giving him a cheeky smile.

“That is what I get for helping you out with those towels, huh?” Erwin teased Levi a little.

“Sorry, I – I didn’t want to,”

“It’s fine, they thought it was funny plus I managed to say some things!” Erwin smiled.

Even when Levi had meant it as a joke, he was really happy Erwin was not angry.

Walking to his motorhome, he saw a text from his mother that she had seen his interview and was concerned since he had looked so stressed.

He was, but he wasn’t going to let her know that.

Texting back that he was fine and ordering some food to be delivered to their house in Tokyo, he hoped to at least give them some support, even when he was far away.

Downtown Shanghai   | 26th of March | 23:01 local time 

Erwin arrived back in the hotel late that night. He had spent some time with the team, had to take some time to talk to their sponsors and even though he had been really tired, he had taken some time to sign merchandise and take pictures with fans waiting by the hotel.

He didn’t like it after a long day, but was well aware that he would be nowhere without his fans.

In the elevator, he noticed that his social media manager had posted a new photo of Senna that his parents had probably sent over and it brought a smile to his face. Saving the picture as his phone background, he found himself in front of his door, having walked absent-mindedly. His foot kicked against something and he frowned. 

Against the door of his hotel room was a gift bag and a little surprised, Erwin picked it up.

He had told the hotel that if his fans dropped off things, they could put them by his door after checking if it was anything strange, as he knew how disappointed fans had been before. This way he could at least thank them if there was anything special like a whole book they had made for him at the season finale last year. 

Opening the bag though, it was clear that it was not from a fan.

Japanese for beginners.

Smiling, he took it into the room with him. There was a small note from Levi thanking him for the towels.

It was surprising, given Levi had had such an outburst at his team in Bahrain and didn’t seem very sociable.

Erwin did not doubt that it was Levi’s assistant who had picked this up, yet only Levi knew that he wanted to learn Japanese, so it was still a thoughtful gift that he appreciated a lot.

Finding a second card in the bag written in Japanese though, he wasn’t so sure it had been his PA, taking out his phone to translate it, he smiled; it was an apology about getting Erwin involved in the interview. Erwin thought it was nice, even if he was not mad at all. He thought it was just funny. Made it clear that it had been a personal gift with the second card.

For a second he thought of calling his room to thank him, but given that he didn’t know if the man was resting or asleep, he instead went into the group chat they had with all the drivers. There weren’t many conversations, it was just for quick updates.

Levi was a member of the chat though and his finger hovered over his phone number. He saved it as his contact, doubting for a second about texting him. Finally, he put his phone aside without doing so. 

They were on the same hotel floor, which was already a big no-no between teams, so the last thing he wanted was to make this worse.

Shanghai International circuit  | 27th of March | 14:59 local time 

Erwin lined up second on the starting grid for the race in Shanghai. Levi was the car behind him, starting fourth. Miche started on pole and Levi’s teammate, Eld Jinn, right beside him. The older Norwegian driver hadn’t done well in Australia and seemed to be upset that his much younger rookie teammate had done so much better than him.

It sure had ignited a fire to drag the car over the line third in qualification yesterday.

Looking in the mirrors, he knew he had to get away well. Levi was a fast devil when it came to starts.

Getting well on his way after the start, he managed to get close to Miche.

No surprise, he was told to fall back and not attack him over the radio. Hange sounded just as distraught as he felt.

He wanted to fight, trying to get closer to Miche. But even if he was ready to let go of team orders, he did not get close. 

Shanghai International circuit  | 27th of March | 15:34 local time 

Levi was right in front of his teammate, in third place, after overtaking him at the start. He had tried to get closer to Smith, but knew he was driving on the border of his own skills. He was well aware he had crossed the white line a few times in the corners and knew there was a penalty over his head. All he could do now was drive like hell and hope to stay ahead of Eld with a margin if he were to get a penalty.

“Levi, you have a 5-second penalty,” Furlan took him over the radio. Wanting to argue, he bit his tongue. He didn’t need to give the media any more reason to make him look like an asshole. Maybe I am - he thought to himself. But he didn’t want to give them more reasons to talk about him.

So instead, he sucked it up for the rest of the race. He sucked it up until his pitstops where he waited the five seconds before the mechanics would start working on his car.

Driving away again, he saw his teammate had just passed him as he left the pits.

Clenching his jaw, he tried to get closer. He got near enough to overtake him when he heard a beep in his ear from the radio. 

“Levi, fall back, please. We don’t want you crashing with Eld.”

He followed their order, begrudgingly and after the race finished, he stomped off to his motor home as soon as he was out of view of the cameras.

In his motorhome, he threw his helmet on the couch, frustrated.

Isabel knocked on the door and he took a deep breath.

“Just – let me be for a bit, okay?” He asked Isabel. Even though she meant well, he just wanted to calm down for a moment, not wanting to take his frustration with himself and his team out on her.

“Okay, you need to go to the press pen soon. See you later, okay?”

“Yes, thanks Izzie!” he yelled at the door. Digging his hands into his eyes, he took a few deep breaths, waiting for the anger to dissipate as he knew he had to get to the press pen.

After a few more minutes, he walked there. He had been in his motorhome long enough that even the podium had joined in there.

In the press pen, Levi lingered around Erwin. Even if he wasn’t going to throw him under the bus again – although the Chinese broadcaster had quickly pulled Erwin aside for another interview in his broken Mandarin – Levi still felt safe around Erwin. He moved around in the same rhythm, standing next to him.

He was at the German broadcasters. Even though his biological father was German, the reporters had never mentioned it. Levi felt it was well known that he had never known his dad and thus they didn’t want to bring up his German roots.

Even with him spending years in Germany at a karting level living with Kenny, he didn’t speak German well enough to dare to speak it to them.

He wasn’t like Erwin who could just appease a whole room with his smile and some silly jokes.

He had done most of his interviews as he walked by Erwin talking to the Japanese crew. He wanted to give them a small wave in the background, knowing his parents were watching when he heard what Erwin said.

“I actually started learning Japanese. I am sure I am not going to be fluent any time soon, but I got a nice book to learn a little during downtime,” Erwin told them with such a charismatic smile Levi was sure his own popularity in Japan had just plummeted and Erwin had just stolen a good few hearts.

“Oh! Say something in Japanese!” The presenter egged him on.

“Arigato Gozaimasu!” Erwin smiled at the presenters and Levi looked aside a bit surprised. Sure, it was just basic-level Japanese, but Erwin smiled at him with a nod when he spotted him just off his side. Still a bit surprised as Levi wasn’t sure if he would like the book, he nodded back with a smile.

 Levi felt a blush form on his face as he started to walk back towards his motorhome, his heart fluttering as Erwin had found his gift and used it already. He had figured that Erwin would be too busy, or was just being polite when he had told Levi that he wanted to learn Japanese.

He could hear the celebrations outside near Miche’s pit box as Miche had probably returned. He was sure Eld and his crew were celebrating as well, but he didn’t feel like joining as he walked to his motorhome to get changed. 

There was a knock on his door a few minutes later and a bit curious he opened the door. Wanting to tell Isabel that he wanted to be alone for a few more minutes, he was surprised to see that it was Erwin, holding the large bottle of champagne that he had been given on the podium.

“Hey!” Erwin seemed slightly out of breath, panting as he held up the bottle, Levi looking a bit confused and surprised.

“Here, I thought you deserved the third place over those team orders – so here is some podium champagne,” Erwin smiled as he pushed the cup he was holding in his other hand into Levi's hands and started pouring some of the champagne from the bottle. Levi wasn’t sure what to say.

They were competitors after all and Erwin trying to be friendly with him made him feel awkward. He and the other F2 drivers had been so competitive – hell even most other F1 drivers wouldn’t talk to him as he wasn’t exactly the nicest and charismatic guy and he liked to keep his competitors away from him.  

But Erwin – Erwin was so friendly to him.

Taking a sip of the champagne, he smiled.

“To your win,” Levi added as held up the cup again. 

“Second place isn’t a win,” Erwin shrugged with an embarrassed smile.

“‘It is when your teammate is Miche Zacharias and it is your team throwing you under the bus,” Levi told him as he took a small sip from the champagne. Even if he had nothing to celebrate, it was a nice gesture from Erwin.

While Levi did think that he kinda deserved the time penalty, he was mad at the team since they hadn’t given him the chance to fight Eld.

“Alright, I gotta get back to my team. It’s their celebration as well after all,” Erwin gave him a shy smile, so shy suddenly Levi had never expected to see Smith like that. 

“Yeah, get back to them and enjoy the celebrations,” Levi told him. He felt so awkward that he would feel glad if the man left, as much as he was enjoying it.

“See you in Bahrain,” Erwin gleamed as they would be racing there this time, after their training session.

“See you in Bahrain,” Levi nodded back as he took a small sip of the champagne. Even though he wasn’t much of a drinker, it was a nice gesture of Erwin.

“Erwin?”

The blonde turned around with an eager smile as he was still within hearing distance of the motorhome.

“Kampai – or haven’t you gotten to that part of the book yet?” Levi teasedErwin as he held up the cup again. Erwin chuckled as he held up the bottle.

“Kampai” Erwin beamed back at him.

Closing the door to his motor home, Levi felt his cheeks burn as he sat back down on the small couch in his motorhome, sipping some of the champagne.

His phone on the desk was vibrating and he took it, sitting down on the couch.

“Hey mom,” he smiled, glad to hear her voice.

“Congrats!”

“Tch. Only fourth!”

“That is amazing, Levi. It is only your second race!”

He guessed that she was right about that, even if he didn’t want to admit that. 

“How are you and dad?”

Something he found much more important than the result of his race.

“Dad is fine, he fell asleep after the race. He was really angry about the penalty, said the stewards are blind idiots,”

Levi chuckled as he could just imagine his stepfather going off at the TV.

“I kinda had it coming,” Levi admitted, even though she would never agree. He could do no wrong when it came to her. He guessed it was a mom thing.

“Oh, I asked the team to send you and dad some of this year’s merch. Asked them to put in the team jackets. The hoodies are nice and warm and the hat – might be nice for dad when he loses his hair…” Levi trailed off, feeling bad as he mentioned it. Fuck, why would he stress out his mom even more?

“Look forward to receiving it, Levi. Dad even mentioned those jackets look nice,”

“I hope you like them,” Levi smiled, even though she couldn’t see him. 

“I am sure we will. By the way, that blonde English guy, he wants to learn Japanese. You should help him!”

“Who knows mom, maybe I will,” Levi chuckled to himself, not daring to tell her that had been the one to give him the book. He wouldn’t tell anyone, worried to be ridiculed.

“Gotta go soon mom. Hug dad for me please. Isabel will probably bust down the door soon getting mad I haven’t had my ice bath and massage”

“Alright Levi, you must be exhausted. Little jealous of the massage, not of the ice bath,”

Levi chuckled for a second, thinking she was right about that.

“Say ‘hi’ to Isabel for me,”

“I will,” he promised. Saying their goodbyes, he hung up the phone, just as Isabel walked into the motorhome like clockwork.

“Got the ice bath ready,” she smiled at him, having just filled the small blow-up pool behind his motorhome. It wasn’t glamorous but she knew it helped him recover.

“Do I have to?”

“How else am I going to get my fill of half-naked ripped athletes for the week?” Isabel teased him as she grabbed some towels. He wanted to tease her and tell her to go look at Furlan instead, but kept it in.

“You should really get out more if you need me for that, Izzie,” he told her as he took one of the towels to wrap around his waist after undressing. Walking to the couch, he drank the last of the champagne to get a nice buzz before having to go into the ice-cold blow-up pool behind his motorhome.

The glamorous side of Formula 1.

“I mean – 20 hot athletes around here and you pick the shortest one that is, may I add, also gay,” Levi humored at her.

“You are very ripped though – also, you are really pretty Levi. Not my type, but really pretty,”

“If my team pays you to fluff my ego I am going to ask them to stop,” Levi groaned.

Walking with her outside, he handed the towel to her as he sat down in the bath, groaning as it was so cold.

“I think you handled it really well in the press pen even after being so disappointed,” she told him as she laid her hand on his upper arm.

“Can’t be angry with anyone but myself,” Levi took some deep breaths in the ice-cold water. Talking to Isabel helped him stick it out though.

“Tell me about the champagne though,” Isabel wondered. 

“Erwin Smith gave it to me from his 2 nd place bottle,” Levi finally explained as he closed his eyes, counting down the seconds until he could get out of the bath.

“Can ask him his number for you,” he winked at Isabel. He was well aware that she was smitten over Furlan, but was happy to tease her back a little.

“Stop it!” Isabel groaned at him now.

Helping him out and letting him take some deep breaths to shake off the cold, they walked back into his motorhome.

“I oversaw the merch department send off the parcel to your parents today, everything you asked was in there. I added in some treats as well,” Isabel told him as Levi grabbed his team gear to wear.

“Thanks Isabel, that means a lot,” Levi stopped dressing for a second. He had asked the merch team, but the fact that Isabel had stepped in to make sure that it was perfect, meant even more. Pulling her into a hug, she laid her head on his shoulder, even though she complained. 

“Gross Levi, you are cold and wet!”

“Hey, you were swooning over my body 15 minutes ago!”

Chapter Text

Monaco  | 31st of March | 16:32 local time

Levi opened the door to his Monaco apartment. He didn’t really like it, it didn’t feel like his home. 

Since most people in F1 lived here including much of the staff he had to work with, he had no choice but to remain here though, just like he had in his last F2 season. He had looked at moving to Germany to be with his uncle, the travel time was too much though. The team had wanted him closer. 

Besides, he knew Isabel liked Monaco and he would never take that liking for this place from her. 

Texting his mother he had arrived well, he sat down on the couch. The journey from China hadn’t been too bad, also with the fact he slept most of the way in business class. Isabel had slept for most of the journey so that helped him sleep as well. Somehow, her snoring was calming to him. 

He would never tell her, he realized it was weird. Only cemented to him how nice it was he had found somebody he felt close to and safe within the chaotic world of F1. 

Isabel lived two floors under him and so did a lot of people working in his team as mechanics and technical staff. Isabel was just dropping off her luggage, but promised to come over later.

The apartment was clean, so clean that even he didn’t feel like cleaning it again. He liked cleaning his apartment; kept his mind off the stress that the sport brought to his life. His team had sent a cleaner over already though and he couldn’t remark on it. It really was clean.

The fact that it was so clean made it feel a little more like home and he was happy to be here now. At least Isabel lived close to him and he was getting closer to some other team members. 

It would make him feel less lonely than last year when most of his team had been outside of Monaco. 

Hopefully would take his mind off what was happening at home maybe, let him actually enjoy this first year in F1 after fighting to get here for so long.

Walking to the bedroom to look for his phone charger, he was glad that the futon he had requested was here as well. He slept so much better on a futon than any bed had ever done for him, so he had bought one over the winter break and shipped it here. 

His team had been slightly desponded, given that they had a sponsor having offered him a bed. Luckily it wasn't a hill the team wanted to die on. 

Isabel had protested, telling him that could get whatever fancy ergonomic bed he wanted even if he didn’t want the sponsors, but instead he had wanted nothing more than the simple futon he had at home.

Taking a quick nap on it, he woke up as Isabel was at the door with their dinner. Putting the tupperware box down and wanting to take one of the kitchen chairs, she stopped.

‘Wait, I’ve never been here before!’ Isabel suddenly realized as she jumped up to look around the house. It wasn’t large, like most apartments in Monaco. Just one bedroom.

Noticing the futon, she inspected it a bit closer.

You are weird for insisting on it over the bed the team offered,” she chuckled.

“It’s really comfy!” Levi insisted again as they made their way back to the kitchen. The suitcase was still on the floor in the living room. He hadn’t started unpacking, flying had tired him out and he knew that he would have to do another workout with Isabel tonight.

Showing her around, she picked up some of the smaller helmets from his junior driving years and looked at the pictures by them. 

It was nice to get a little insight into Levi, even when she felt she was getting to know him well. He wasn’t a talker but this house showed so much about him, even if he had only lived here in his last F2 year part of the year. She recognized his uncle whom she and the crew had celebrated his podium with deep into the night - while Levi had gone to the hotel. 

Putting it back, she waved him along to the kitchen before their food would get cold. 

Isabel had taken them dinner for tonight and Levi told her they should dig in, clearly not wanting food to get cold either. 

“It smells good!” Levi said, a little puzzled. Not because she wasn’t a good cook, but it smelled exactly like the beef Gyudon his mother made. Inspecting it a little closer, he felt even more confused, taking a careful bite.

“This is amazing, Iz,” he smiled. Usually he would have dinner alone, but it was nice that she had come over. Besides, he wasn’t sure if the private chef that his team had promised him was in Monaco already. Honestly, he was happy not to have interacted with the private chef - having a comfort meal instead.

“I asked your mother for the recipe,” Isabel smiled as he ate a few more bites of it.

“You are the best, you know that,” Levi said with a genuine smile, softening up. She knew how much Levi missed home already now that his father was sick and anything she could do to make him feel better was something she would happily put effort in.

To her surprise he went in for a hug, holding her close. She always knew how to cheer him up, make him feel better and ways to comfort him without feeling overbearing.  

Accepting his hug, she was so grateful that the food had done what she wanted it to, comfort him. 

Even if she had spent a long time trying to get dashi, having to drive to an Asian supermarket in Nice to get it.

Sitting down by the table, they dug in.

“So, we fly out next Wednesday, right?” She checked with him again. 

“Yeah,” Levi groaned. There was a two week break between the Chinese race and the next one in Bahrain. Barely enough to settle into a rhythm here in Monaco.

“What, I thought you didn’t mind flying,” Isabel wondered.

“I am glad when we get to the European leg and I don’t have to worry about traveling and switching planes as much,” Levi admitted. He would have to switch planes in Paris on the way to Bahrain but was glad Isabel was with him. He felt so distracted by his parents at home - and still not used to living here in Monaco.

“Me too! Plus we get to go on a road trip to some places!” Isabel smiled.

Levi owned a Honda sports car here he had to drive as they were his main sponsor. He had to get photographed in the car arriving at the track. It seemed stupid but it was one of the things he would have to do for his sponsors. It was a nice car so it wasn’t a bother. Besides, he preferred it over flying.

Even if Isabel talked his ear off for hours at the time.

Monaco  | 6th of April | 09:35 local time

Erwin was getting ready to go to Bahrain.

His parents would come to Monaco today, they would stay at his apartment, have a little vacation and fly back with Senna in a few days.

Erwin knew he shouldn’t have to worry about coming too late to the plane, he was flying private after all. Not because he felt that he needed to, Erwin despised flying private. 

His team had booked it however. More people from his team were using the private flight from Nice. They would wait for him, he was the driver after all. He didn’t want to be an asshole to keep everybody waiting though so he made a point to be on time. 

Senna laid in his lap, content and asleep after eating a whole bunch of kibble. Senna had even gotten some of Erwin’s shredded chicken from his breakfast sandwich.

Every time Erwin held him like this he couldn’t help but count the gray hairs in Senna’s face. Gosh, he really was getting old…

It made this only more special now that they still had time to spend together.

He had thought of taking Senna to Bahrain with him, since he was flying private. He knew the dog wouldn’t like the desert air and the heat. At least Senna would be with his parents here, whom Senna adored so much, that made Erwin feel a little better and he would see Senna after the race.

It felt like such a hassle that he had to ask his team to fly him to or through England when he could so he could see his dog. The person responsible for travel for the team always obliged, but he could imagine how much he was annoying her.

While he was in Monaco at his small apartment when they needed him to, Erwin tried to spend as much time as he could in his house in England so Senna had his garden to run around and play in. 

Checking his watch, he started to get a little nervous that his parents would be late. It was silly, they had always been on time.

The doorbell rang like clockwork and Erwin got up to let his parents in. Hugging his mother and father, he was glad to see them just for a bit before flying to Bahrain. Senna jumped against his mother as well, so close to her as well he stayed with his parents now that he was flying around the world, like his flight to Bahrain in under two hours.

Erwin had been in Bahrain before in previous years and he liked it fine. But in the back of his mind there was always the lingering fear and doubt that they would say about him if they found out he was gay. The fact that he traveled to countries where it wasn’t accepted was also the reason that he didn’t dare to date, worried that it would come out.

His parents hugged him for what seemed like forever, so glad to see him if just for a second and that they could help him by watching Senna. 

Casimir settled on the couch with the dog. 

Now that Erwin was moving up the ranks, it was nice they could at least help his parents with something, now that they could no longer help him with racing. Casimir had worked on his carts when he was a kid, but that was long gone now. 

So Erwin wanted to make sure to spoil them while they stayed at his place. 

Erwin had put all sorts of nice food and wines in the fridge. It would mean the world to him if he could provide them with a nice weekend and holiday here as they had always sacrificed so much for him to race when he was younger. His father had driven him every weekend to his matches, his mom making a nice cozy home from the camper they would live in in his race weekends.

“You two enjoy your time in Monaco okay? See you when I get to Monaco,” Erwin smiled as his parents settled in. He would fly to Bahrain after the race, his parents flying with Senna to England on the same day. 

Erwin had booked them a private flight, as he could easily afford it at this point. While he never wanted to splurge on himself, even feeling guilty when he had to - he had to look after his family. They had looked after him all those years. 

The tall blonde wanted to stay, enjoy these moments with his family and even more with Senna. But he had to get going.

Senna seemingly felt that Erwin would be leaving soon, pressing himself up against his legs.

‘Hey, I love you a lot,’ Erwin told the dog, kissing him on his forehead again and giving the golden retriever another big hug. Saying goodbye to his parents, he walked outside where the taxi was waiting for him to drive him to the airstrip in Nice. At least he got to fly directly. Otherwise he would have had to switch planes in Paris.

Driving to the airport, Erwin had some polite small talk with the taxi driver in French

Erwin checked again if he had put the book on learning Japanese that Levi had given him in his hand luggage to study a little more on the plane.

He sat up as the taxi driver abruptly braked.

The taxi was cut off by a Honda sports car and Erwin shook his head. He didn’t get too much time to linger on it as his phone vibrated and opening the picture his parents sent him, he smiled as he saw the picture that his parents had sent him. They had taken Senna to the beach, the Golden Retriever playing in the sand with his favorite ball.

At the airport, he barely had any security to get through and soon he was on his way to the plane.

Getting onto the plane, he settled in for the flight. Some more mechanics flew with him as well, as the team had to fly them out as well. Erwin didn’t mind, they were often nice to chat with and he would always learn things about his car he didn’t even know after all these years. He was familiar with most of them, although some crew had changed over the winter. 

Erwin liked them much more than the important people in the management that were only here for the money and had no heart for the sport.

His plans of studying Japanese came to an abrupt end as Hange boarded the plane just before the door was closed.

‘Erwin!!!!’

There wasn’t a second of silence till the plane touched down in Bahrain, the Japanese study book untouched in Erwin’s bag. 

Aéroport Nice Côte d'Azur | 6th of April | 11:02 local time

Levi parked his car by the airport. Isabel looked a little pale, not used to the rush of driving in the Honda sports car. Levi was an absolute menace on the road - they had gotten here fast though.

“What?”

“You drive like a maniac!” Isabel told him again as she grabbed her luggage from the frunk.

“Yeah, it’s why you have a career!” Levi pointed out the obvious. Walking inside, he noticed some fans standing around, trying to tackle some of the many F1 drivers flying out from here that weren’t flying private.

“Fuck!” she groaned as she knew that Levi wouldn’t react well to it. He took a deep breath, pushing his luggage in her arms as he walked their way.

Taking a page from Erwin’s Smiths book of interacting with fans, he managed to plaster the faintest smile on his face.

Signing the merch that was handed to him, Levi took a few selfies as well. It didn’t bother him that he wasn’t the most popular driver and he hoped that he would never be, but he did know that he had to cherish the few fans that he did have. 

If he was going to be sour and rude to them, he would have none left soon.

Isabel had egged him on to be more active on social media too or hire somebody for it, but he hadn’t taken any action on that. He knew that the team would probably want to get him a PR person, given that they were always scared of what he was going to say now.

Excusing himself after a while to go through  security, he walked with Isabel.

“You were great with your fans, Levi - but why?” Isabel wondered. Every time she thought she had figured every bit of Levi out, he surprised her. 

“I am not going to be a dick to my fans, not the few I have,” Levi mumbled as they were in the clear now after security. He was holding a drawing a fan had done for him and it meant the world, even if he would never say it out loud. He was so careful as he put it away in his bag. 

Even if the media hated him, it was clear that Levi had at least some fans liking him and supporting him.  

It gave him some strange comfort as well. Levi knew his stepfather would have an important scan on Friday and once more, he couldn’t be there for him - but these people were still there for Levi, supporting him without them even knowing. 

Bahrain International Circuit  | 10th of April | 17:02 local time

Levi qualified third, only a few tenths from Erwin’s second time. Still much better than he had even dared to hope after the horrible night he had had.

Waiting for his parents to call him, there had been no call even when they had gotten the results yesterday -  Levi hadn’t slept well at all.

After qualifying, Levi had done his rounds at the press he was forced to do and after the debrief he was happy to go to the hotel. Even if his parents hadn’t called him yet – and Levi knew it was to blame on the long distance – it only freaked him out more. Levi wanted to get back to the hotel as soon as possible so he would have stable internet access again in case his parents had emailed him, hoping it was to blame on the signal not being great around the track with so many people and phones around. 

Driving through the gates with the car Honda had rented him on location through his sponsorship, he was surprised to see Erwin waiting on the sidewalk.

Lowering the window, he couldn’t imagine the man wanted to stay in the desert air that was quickly growing cold now that it was dark.

“Should be a taxi coming – been waiting for half an hour,” Erwin admitted as his hands rubbed over his arms, trying to keep warm.

“Want to drive back with me?” Levi offered as Erwin looked a little lost. 

Levi was sure that his team had asked for a taxi for him, but it didn’t mean that the taxi was ready. He could see how tired Erwin was and leaving him here on the sidewalk seemed rude, even if they were racing each other again tomorrow.

Erwin nodded eagerly and got into the car.

“Gonna call my team to cancel the taxi,”

“Gonna get in trouble for driving with me?” Levi wondered. Even if they didn’t talk about strategies or about their cars, there was something to be said about them driving together.

“Nah, I will just say I got a lift from Hange out of here,” Erwin explained as he called his team - specifically Hange to get them in on the lie. Levi minded the road, trying not to listen in on him. Hanging up the phone, he could see Erwin smile at him from the corner of his eyes.

“Thank you, Levi,”

‘No problem at all – wanna beat your ass tomorrow fair and square, not have you dying here in the desert,” Levi huffed. 

“No taxi for you?” Erwin wondered after he had a laugh at Levi’s remark.

“Oh no, I could have used one but I just like driving, clears my mind. Especially here in the desert – even if only for a few more minutes before we reach civilization. The emptiness is really soothing for my mind,” Levi admitted. There were thousands of stars above them and in the distance he saw the capital of Bahrain, Manama, but it was still a few more minutes before they would drive between the buildings.

“Letting my mind go blank is my talent I guess,” Levi chuckled and he smiled at Erwin. It was nice to talk to him. Erwin understood the world he lived in and what it was like. It was nice as it helped him get his mind off everything going on with his stepfather at home.

Erwin let out a chuckle as well.

“Well, I mean… I like letting my mind go blank. I like to take long walks with my dog and clear my mind,” Erwin admitted, “It is a stressful world and sometimes it is not easy to deal with all of it, I think,”

“Amen to that,” Levi agreed with him. He had everything he had ever wanted, but it was so overwhelming because of all that was happening at home and just as much because of him not being suited to the media side of it.

“Why did you want to get into F1?” Erwin wondered.

“Speed.”

Levi’s answer was so short and simple that it made Erwin chuckle.

“What about you?” Levi asked back.

“The glamour,” Erwin answered him.  

“The glamour? You mean you wanted all of this for the champagne and the long gone grid girls?” Levi humored him a little.

“Grid girls were never really my thing,” Erwin chuckled. Blushing, hoping that Levi wouldn’t see it as he regretted saying it immediately.

“In general or…?” Levi asked, almost in disbelief.

“Yeah,” was all Erwin admitted. It made him nervous, it was something that he had never said before around the sport. Only Hange knew.

Levi was surprised. It sounded like Erwin was gay, just like him. It made him feel like shit that he had made assumptions about it. He didn’t say anything about himself, not wanting to break the fragile silence between them.

‘Probably shouldn’t talk about it here though,’ Erwin mumbled as he sank back in his seat, wishing he could disappear.

“I guess so,” Levi sighed. It was one of things he did find hard as he traveled the world for the sport, that in some parts he had to hide who he was. That he could never be open about who he loved - if he would even allow himself to fall in love. He never had before. 

“No, I mean - I know. It's something I do worry about this year too,” Levi finally admitted, his hands gripping around the wheel. Erwin looked surprised for a few more seconds. While he was in F1, people weren’t as involved in his personal life, Levi keeping the media at a safe distance. 

Erwin couldn’t blame him though, he had never opened up about his sexuality to his codrivers or the media. 

“Bite your tongue, make your private life about your dog. That’s what I did,” Erwin just mumbled.

“Time to get a dog,” Levi sighed.

Exchanging looks, he was still surprised by Erwins admission. Everywhere he went there were armies of girls adoring him.

“My lips are sealed,” Erwin promised him though.

“So are mine,” Levi promised and Levi looked back at the road. He hoped to hide his flustered face as he was still feeling so odd even talking about this. The people around him knew, but it was never something he said out loud. He didn’t need to, the media had enough fodder already aside from his sexuality and the last thing he wanted was for it to be brought up. 

Driving through Manama, Levi didn’t dare to say anything. It felt so odd still, having one of his main competitors in his car. Erwin was quiet beside him, a lot more quiet than Isabel ever was. 

Levi wanted to blame it on Erwin being used to driving at high speeds but deep down, he knew that Erwin was going through the same awkwardness he was. Both of them had just admitted being gay for the first time to another driver…in a country it wasn’t even legal. 

“It wasn’t that kind of glamour though. It was the glamour of seeing the whole world. Meeting all sorts of people and speaking all these languages and I fell in love with the cars,” Erwin explained himself a little more.

“Right. I am glad you made your dreams come true,” Levi replied, actually listening to Erwin and enjoying the conversation. He realized that the notions he had had about Erwin before were so wrong. Getting to know him, he didn’t seem half as arrogant as Levi thought him to be. 

“Not yet, not a world champion yet,” Erwin sighed. This year would be his year. He wanted to believe that but he knew just as well that eventually they would sacrifice him for Miche again.

“Oh don’t fucking sulk, you have the fastest car, your team is just being an asshole making you let Miche win,” Levi frowned.

“I know,” Erwin chuckled, “Sorry, I know I am being stupid,”

“Not stupid – just – Erwin. I feel you are the most talented guy out here. What does that say about me?” Levi spoke his mind. He knew it was stupid, he was talking himself down with it. It wasn’t because he doubted his own talent though. Erwin just had a lot more experience.

“Don’t talk yourself down like that,” Erwin shook his head.

“I heard what everybody said about me. Too stubborn, hotheaded and that within a few years my career will fizzle out because nobody wants to work with me anymore,” Levi bit at some of the words he repeated from the media. 

Even if he kept quiet about it, the stuff that the media said about him did sometimes hurt.

“For what it’s worth, I think you are more talented than me and that hotheadedness is going to serve you well,” Erwin told him. Levi couldn’t look at him, worried he was going to blush.

“Hey Erwin?” Levi asked just before Erwin could get out of the car.

“Yeah?” Erwin stopped leaving his car.

Levi wanted to say he had had such a nice time and hoped that he would talk to Erwin more often. That Erwin made him feel safe in a world that sometimes made no sense to him at all. A world that he was not suited for and the press just seemed to be wolves who wanted to eat him.

He couldn’t say that though, instead he jumped out of the car on his feet and said something else.

“Gonna beat you tomorrow,” Levi said, although with a friendly smile.

Erwin gave him a small wave as Levi drove off to put the car away in the garage under the hotel.

Levi stood on the balcony of his hotel room as soon as he had put his stuff away. His father had had a scan today in Japan and he hadn’t heard anything yet. Even though his qualification had gone well and he would start third tomorrow, all Levi could think about was the results of the scan.

The fact that they hadn’t called him yet was a sign to him that the outcome had not been good. They didn’t want to worry him on a race weekend even if it was important.

Trying to see the same stars that had given him so much calmth in the car with Erwin, they were unfortunately mostly obstructed by the lights of Manama.

Bahrain International Circuit  | 11th of April | 14:59 local time

Erwin was lined up second on the grid. At the start, he managed to keep Miche behind him. He wasn’t going to let him through. He knew Hange was fighting for him in the pit boxes so that he didn’t have to give the lead to Miche.

Levi being close behind them would help with that, Erwin knew. The last they wanted was for him and Miche to get tangled up and let Ackerman take the win.

It was hard to follow what was going on behind him as Erwin drove his car towards the win in first. The pit stop was tense as a lot could go wrong. He was on his way quickly again with hardly any time lost.

After a few laps, Levi overtook Miche to try and challenge Erwin for the win. He had the fresher tires and Erwin felt the fire lit under his ass even more knowing that Levi was after him. Erwin had the quick car, but Levi had his hotheadedness.

Getting more scared every lap as Levi was catching up, he did manage to pull to the win. On the podium they were presented with rosewater over champagne.

He couldn’t stop looking at Levi’s genuine smile on the podium as they sprayed each other with the rosewater, no champagne allowed in Bahrain.

Bahrain International Circuit  | 11th of April | 19:46 local time

Levi wasn’t even mad about his second place. Those were some good points for him in the championship and Erwin was so stupid fast in his car that without a big disaster befalling Erwin or his car, Levi wouldn’t have caught up with him anyway. Even if Levi had tried so hard, he felt exhausted and knew he wouldn’t have managed. His tires were quickly deteriorating at the end of the race as well. So instead of being able to attack Erwin again, he had to slow down to conserve them, before even Miche would be able to catch up with him. 

Walking away from the press pen, Levi’s phone went off. Looking at the screen, it was his stepfather. Taking off the phone as he stepped between some motorhomes, he felt a nervous feeling in his stomach.

“Hey dad,” he said, relieved that it had come naturally when he hadn’t said it before, grappling and struggling with his dad’s diagnosis. 

“Levi, you did amazing today. Me and mom just opened a bottle of champagne to celebrate your podium,” his step father told him and Levi wanted to point out it was the middle of night there. Instead he just smiled, glad they were doing something nice together even if it was the middle of the night. It was nice they were still celebrating his winds.

“Thanks – but how was the scan?” Levi waved away his podium place with the only thing that had been on his mind this weekend.

“The scan was good, Levi. The tumors are shrinking slightly - the chemo is working. Long way to go but it was good news,”

Relieved, Levi sighed and leaned against the motorhome.

“Couldn’t call me yesterday with that news, asshole?” Levi chuckled as he was so glad to hear it, tears in his eyes he would never show to the world. He was so scared to lose his stepfather.

“We didn’t want to distract you,” his stepfather explained and Levi wanted to argue they had only distracted him more this weekend by not letting him know that the results were.

It wasn’t the moment to argue though as he was only glad the results were good. All he wanted was for his stepfather to be okay and his mother to be happy.

“The gear from your team is very nice, I have been wearing it every day,” his stepfather told him and he heard the proud sound in his voice.

“I am really glad you like it. Alright, it must be late for you. Don’t let me keep you up,” Levi told him. Hearing his mother in the background as well, he finished up the call with them. He was sure Isabel was hunting him down to drag him into his ice bath.

Levi looked around, instead hoping to catch Erwin. He wanted to congratulate him on his win, so happy for him. Even if Levi would have gotten some extra speed out of his car, there would have been no way to catch up with Erwin without disaster striking Erwin’s car.

Seeing Isabel in the distance, he dove between two motorhomes to get some more time away from having to go into the ice cold bath. It was the one thing he hated and the longer he took, the more ice would be melted. Especially here in the desert. Nearly tripping over some cables, he stumbled against the motorhome. Noticing it belonged to Erwin’s team, he wanted to get away. His foot was however still tangled in the wiring. Cursing as he tried to get himself free, he noticed somebody walk up to him.

“Ackerman?!”

“Erwin still here?” Levi asked as he noticed Erwin’s range engineer. They pushed their glasses up with a giddy smile as they saw Levi stuck between the trailers.

“No, he is on his way back to the airport, left straight from the press pen!” They told him as they walked a little closer to him. Levi wanted to get away, his foot still tangled in the wires.

“Sorry, I was just trying to get away from somebody,” Levi worried about making a mess of the wiring and getting in trouble with the team. 

Get the FIA on his ass again.

They pulled him out from between the motorhomes with ease.

“We are tearing it down anyway,” they waved it off, “you really are short!”

“Screw you, four eyes!” Levi pulled free, angry that they had pointed out his height.

“Ahaha, you are so funny! I can see why Erwin likes being around you!” They laughed as they hit Levi’s shoulder. Levi had heard stories of Erwin’s strange range engineer and he felt those stories were very true now.

Levi looked at them with a confused frown.

“Couldn’t stop talking about his drive to the hotel with you. Said it was really nice talking to you. Only told me, don’t worry,”

Levi stood surprised, not sure what to say. Finally he nodded though.

“Tell Erwin I said hi when you see him,” Levi just told them as he turned around, his face a bright red and before he even found Isabel, he made his way into the ice bath and dunked his face in, the only thing helping with the burning redness on his face.

Milton Keynes  | 12th of April | 01:02 local time

Erwin arrived home to his home in England, having picked up Senna on the way home at his parents' place. He had two weeks before they would head to Monaco, so he had requested to come home to England so he could see Senna. He would fly to Monaco to prepare with his trainers and the other staff soon, but at least he got to spend two days at home and with his dog.

Senna was waiting by the door as he walked in and he grabbed him into his arms. The golden retriever slobbered all over him but he didn’t mind. He had been thinking about the dog non-stop on his flight back here to England.

The drive to his home has been just as tiresome and long, but it made it all worth it as he sat down on the porch and Senna sat down in his lap. It was way past midnight, but he was too awake to sleep after the race, the plane journey. 

Erwin didn’t mind the drool as the dog put his head in his lap. Senna was old but such a sweetheart still. Erwin sat down on the edge of the veranda as he looked up at the stars, petting the dog.

Sitting down on the ground with Senna in his arms, he could only think about the fact that it was almost as comforting as the night in the car with Levi, driving through the desert under the stars.

For a second he thought of texting him, but worried that it would land them in trouble. He was pushing so many boundaries already.

Ever since that drive under the stars, he hadn’t been able to get Levi off his mind.

Chapter Text

Chapter 6 || Monaco

Monaco City | 19 th of April | 11:20 local time 

“Come on Senna, I know you can walk!” Erwin laughed as he put Senna down from between his arms, the dog dramatically collapsing on the doormat, rolling over in the hopes for some belly rubs. 

Erwin was still panting, tired from his run along the beach with Senna – and having to lift his dog home as the dog had refused to walk the last few streets to his apartment. Some fans who had already descended into the city for the upcoming Grand Prix were delighted, taking some snaps with him and Senna.

Actually, Senna had been more popular for pictures than he was.

“You are so dramatic!” Erwin told the dog as he took off his leash. Senna suddenly ran off again to run to the balcony so he could bask in the sun.

“Asshole,” Erwin laughed at his newfound energy. Changing into some comfortable clothes instead of his sweaty running clothes, he grabbed a drink and made his way onto the balcony as well.

Sitting down on the lounge set, Senna jumped in his lap.

Caressing over his soft and thick fur, Erwin smiled as he could only imagine how many pictures and memes would pop up on twitter again of him having to carry his dog home. Didn’t matter that he was one of the most famous sportsmen in the world to Senna.

Settling into the corner, he took the Japanese study book that Levi had gifted him. Taking a few sips of his drink, he worked through two more pages.

It was hard to concentrate though soon, as Senna snored loudly in his lap.

It was nice to have Senna with him. Erwin had always thought that the apartment was too small to keep Senna around. Now that he was getting older it was getting easier though. Senna didn’t really seem to care, just sleeping on his couch and usually even demanding to be lifted home the last part of their walks.

It made him feel a little less guilty about keeping him in his apartment all weekend.

With F1 locking down the city for the next few days, he had made sure to get everything at home he would need for the next few days.

Erwin felt giddy for the Monaco Grand Prix. He enjoyed the race, it was one of his favorites on the calendar. He loved the tight corners, the views. 

Last year he had won it and he hoped to do it again. He knew that if he won and Miche scored low, he could overtake him in the championship. He could finally show the team that he could win the championship for them. Maybe they would finally get the preferred strategy. 

He wanted to be more than just a race winner this year -  he wanted to be the champion. 

Monaco City | 24 th of April | 11:00 local time 

The whole F1 circus was close to his apartment and Levi didn’t mind the short commute. The team told him to drive his Honda down to the paddock, but Levi instead rode in on his bicycle, tucking it away in his trailer before he would get an earful from his teamboss. 

“The sponsors are going to be pissed!”  Furlan told him as he walked with Levi to the briefing of their team.

“I’m not driving a car in Monaco traffic for fifteen minutes when it’s a two minute bike ride!” Levi argued.

“Just do it tomorrow, okay?” Furlan told his friend, knowing that Levi would have to deal with shit from the team again if he didn’t.

“Fine!”

Levi wanted to follow Furlan inside, but his phone went off in his pocket. Wanted to press the call away, he saw it was his stepfather.

“Be there in a sec!” Levi told Furlan, turning around to take the call. Finding a quiet corner, he took the call from his dad. 

“How are you?” Levi finally dared to ask, worried since his father was calling him. 

“I’m alright Levi, just wanted to call you to wish you a good Monaco Grand Prix weekend,” his stepfather told him, Levi relieved that there was nothing going on health wise for him to be the reason for the call. His mom had called earlier this week as well and told him that his stepfather was struggling now that he was in the midst of chemo. 

“Mom said something else this week,” Levi admitted to him. 

“Chemo is hitting me pretty hard,” Takashio admitted, Levi biting his lip. He could hear his stepfather struggling to breathe, knew it was to blame on the tumors in his lungs and knew that his stepfather was coughing a lot.

Even his last bout with lung cancer had damaged his lungs.

“I’m sorr-”

“No Levi, I’m sorry we couldn’t make it out to your race this weekend. I know the Monaco Grand Prix is special to you,” He told Levi, remembering watching it late at night with him every year from when he had gotten together with Kuchel. 

First as a young boy, eagerly watching in his pajamas in front of the TV. Later on as Levi was a teenager and was already moving up the ranks in karting, they enjoyed watching the Grand Prix just as much. 

Levi had always looked so smitten at the street circuit of Monaco, the tight corners and the tunnel.

They had always wanted to take a trip here, watch the race in person. But due to money and time they had never gotten the chance to do so.

“You didn’t choose to get sick,” Levi just shook his head.

“I guess I wish I could have attended the Monaco Grand Prix when I still had the chance, Levi. But you know – work and money always got in the way. Seeing you drive it tomorrow is making me so proud already,” his stepfather told him.

Levi felt his breath hitch in his throat, hearing the uncertainty in his father’s voice about being able to visit the Grand Prix down the line.

“Are you okay, Levi?”

“I’m good, really. Gonna make you proud tomorrow, dad,” Levi promised him as he closed his eyes, wishing he could be with his family.

“You make me so proud every day, Levi. Especially when you call me dad,” Takashio told him. Levi felt his stomach burn, realizing he had just said it.

“I gotta go to the briefing – say hi to mom,”

“She is right next to me,”

“Love you both,” Levi told them, hanging up the phone as Furlan was waving for him. He didn’t want to keep his team waiting.

The conversation was heavy on his mind and he swallowed some tears back as he headed into the meeting.

Monaco City | 25 th of April | 15:00 local time 

 Levi had managed to qualify on the front row. While he wasn’t on pole, he had put his car in second place.

Miche had gotten pole, while Levi had gotten really close. Only a few tenths off. Next time he would get pole position, he wanted to make sure of that. 

His car was ready to roar to life as the five lights slowly lit up in front of him. The engines revving around him were deafening. He’d have to get away decently, cover Erwin Smith off before he could overtake him from third place. All of that in the narrow Saint Devote corner. 

He felt giddy, exciting. 

Getting away well off the line, he crossed the track, blocking Erwin Smith before he could overtake him, Miche still close to him.  

Adrenaline soared through his body as he drove into the tunnel for the first time, the lights blinding him as he made his way out, looking at the luxury yachts and the city. 

Driving lap after lap, he managed to keep Erwin behind him, although the Englishman was eager to overtake him. 

Pitting, Levi drove like a madman, trying to win as much time as he could to undercut Miche. It worked and soon he found himself leading the race when the German pitted, although Erwin Smith was quickly catching up to him. 

“Erwin is gaining on you,”

“Shut up Fur! I can see him in my mirrors!” Levi yelled over the radio. 

Erwin tried to overtake him again and Levi evaded him as they went into the tunnel once more.

As they approached the Nouvelle Chicane, he could see Erwin Smith push once more. Trying to overtake him, Levi defended, seeing Erwin’s car slide off the track behind him. 

While not a hard crash, Erwin sat confused in his car for a second, not sure what had happened. 

“Erwin, are you okay?” Hange came on the radio.

“I can reverse out I think,”

“The system shows there is damage-”

“I can do it,” Erwin wanted to drive out of the service road, but his car shut off with no way to restart it.

“Erwin, retire the car,” Hange told him, Erwin throwing his steering wheel to the ground as he climbed out of the car.

Getting out of the car behind the safety barrier, he looked out for the FIA personnel to bring him back to the paddock.  He hated retiring in general, but it always felt extra embarrassing being taken back to the paddock on the back of a scooter with a marshall. 

The signs were flashing in yellow around him, the section yellow flagged because of his car that was being dragged further into the service road.

Ackerman drove by once more, now leading the race.

Erwin wanted to be pissed off with him and blame him for ruining his race. Yet Erwin knew it was just a racing incident.

Getting back to the paddock, it was no surprise to him that the stewards had ruled it a racing incident, Levi not picking up a penalty. All Erwin could do now was look as he led lap after lap, driving to his first race win.

Levi drove lap after lap, setting perfect laps as he drove to his first victory.

Tears streamed down his cheeks as he crossed the finish line. Every sense of happiness and pride burst out as he hit his steering wheel as he crossed it, having to grab it again to finish the lap. 

He heard Furlan on the radio, but he was not able to respond, only incoherent screaming coming out as he realized he had won his first race – and the Monaco Grand Prix at that.

Getting out of the car, he found his mechanics, Isabel and Furlan standing waiting for him and jumped into their arms. It was still setting in that he had won the Monaco Grand Prix as he was taken to be weighed by the stewards and for his interview.

“Levi Ackerman, you are now a race winner. We seldom see you smile, but I think I can tell how you are feeling right now?” The interviewer, a former driver, asked him. 

“Really happy,” Levi admitted with a sigh of relief. There was a beaming smile on his face, barely able to make a coherent sentence. 

“Car felt great. Grew up watching this circuit. Even dreamed about it so many times. It is nice to finally drive it. Winning is even better,” Levi gave them a bit more than any of them ever would have guessed for him to tell them. 

Going over some more niceties, he took the winners cap and prepped to go onto the podium, where the whole Royal family of Monaco was already waiting for them to get their trophies.  

Taking the trophy from prince Albert, it did feel special, seeing it all those years on TV. Holding it aloft, he hoped that his parents were seeing this. Taking off his cap for the Japanese national anthem, he looked at the flag behind him for a second. 

He tried to hold himself together, but he couldn’t help a tear streaming down his cheek as he heard the anthem. Quickly drying it, he put back on his cap as the anthems finished.

Eld was the first to spray him with champagne from his third place spot, Miche keeping to himself as he celebrated with Eld and Furlan, who got to take the team trophy.

Standing on the podium together as the photographers swarmed around them to get pictures, Levi enjoyed every single second of it. He hated the media circus, yet now it was not that bad at all. 

Making his way to the press pen, he immediately walked to the Japanese media team.

“I wanted to win this one especially for my father – my stepfather. I hope he is watching this. I love you, dad,” Levi addressed the camera, the media team looking a little surprised as Levi usually was a man of few words and said very little about his home situation.

“First Japanese win in three years, I think the whole nation is proud of you,” the woman added, Levi trying to stop himself from blushing.

“Hoping to repeat it in Suzuka this year,” Levi answered, being flagged down by more media teams now who wanted to interview him after his first win. He tried to be patient, give them some good answers. 

He took some time away from the celebrations to call his parents.

“I am so proud of you, Levi,” Kuchel told him and Levi could hear she had been crying. He didn’t point it out, and guessed that they were good tears. He had cried as well in the car after all.

“Did dad see it?” Levi wondered. His mom was quiet for a few seconds. 

“He fell asleep, Levi. I’m sorry, you know it’s really late here and you know how sick he is. I’m sure he is going to watch it many more times this week though,”

“Yeah, I uh – can you show him the interview tomorrow?” Levi asked as he leaned against his trailer.

“Ofcourse – can you tell princes Charlene I really liked her dress?” his mother swooned, knowing that he would go to the gala dinner tonight with the Royal family.

“Why would I tell her that, mom?” Levi chuckled as he thought it was such an adorable question.

“So you make a good impression for once?”

“I’ll behave!” he promised his mom, smiling though.

“I’m taking Isabel to babysit me – and I will tell her,” Levi told her, not being able to take the smile of his face.

“Are you wearing your kimono tonight?” his mom referenced the fancy Kimono they had bought during his winter break. Levi had promised he would wear it to the FIA gala at the end of the year if he made the top three and would accept an award there.

“It is still on the way here – didn’t expect to win really. But no, figure that I’ll just get shit again that is not black tie enough. Besides, the media will probably tear me a new fucking asshole for cultural appropriation,”

“Levi! Mind your words tonight. I can’t believe I raised you to be such a foul mouth. And you are Japanese,”

“I don’t think some media will care seeing a white boy wearing a kimono,” Levi just shook his head, not wanting to deal with the media circus if he did. Besides, his formal kimono was still in the stuff being shipped to Monaco that had been on it’s way for several weeks now by boat.

“Levi…”

“Too white to be Japanese and too Japanese to be white,” Levi complained, a constant struggle he dealt with.

“and a Monaco race winner,” his mother instead added, Levi finally smiling.

“Yeah,” Levi still hadn’t fully let it set in that he had become an F1 race winner, and his favorite race at that.

“Alright, I better let you get to your celebrations - I love you Levi and I am so proud of you,” Kuchel told him. 

“Love you too mom, thank you for raising me and letting me get to this place with all your love and dedication,” he told her. 

“Stop, you’re gonna make me cry,” Kuchel told him. Hanging up the phone, Levi looked up as Isabel was waiting for him, standing at a distance though as she knew he was probably calling with his parents. 

“You do realize that you have to go out for dinner with the prince of Monaco now?” Isabel teased him a little.

“Fuck,” Levi groaned, Isabel laughing with delight as she swung her arm around him. Laughing as they made their way to his apartment,

“You do realize I am taking you with me?”

“Really?”

“Yeah!”

“We are not dating?” Isabel frowned.

“Do I need to date you to take you out to a special dinner? You have done more for me than anyone else in the world,” Levi admitted, his chest burning as he said those words. He struggled speaking up about his feelings, no matter how much he appreciated her.

“Aww, you are going to make me cry,” Isabel told him as she still had her arm around him.

“Don’t,” Levi just deadpanned, his mom just having said the same. Maybe he was getting better at telling the people he cared about how he felt about them - and that it wasn’t a bad thing to do so. 

“I don’t have a nice gala dress though,” she stopped for a second.

“You think the winner of the Monaco grand prix can’t get you a nice dress within two hours?”

“Oof, I didn’t think you’d get that arrogant after one F1 win,” Isabel chuckled, although she thought it was really sweet that he wanted to take her.

“Please come with me, Isabel?” Levi stopped walking, looking so insecure.

“Ofcourse I will come with you, Levi,” she assured him. She knew how nervous he got at these social settings. Walking inside his apartment, she helped him get ready in his suit. It was nice to take her out, she had worked so hard with him the past year and he wanted his win to feel like a win for her as well. 

“Getting drunk with princess Charlene has always been on my bucket list,” Isabel winked at Levi as he grabbed his suit. 

Two hours later, both of them got into the taxi to head to the gala that was sent to pick them up. In the back were already some glasses of champagne ready for them.

Levi felt uncomfortable in the suit, Isabel having changed into a last minute dress – Levi had thrown out a message into the driver's chat and Eld’s wife had volunteered to bring over a dress for Isabel as his family stayed in a hotel nearby. It probably cost half of his net worth and he did worry about her soiling it at the dinner.

Most drivers had multiple seasons, salaries in the millions. Not him – yet. So he did feel embarrassed having to ask. He gladly sucked it up for Isabel though.

Handing over the glass to Isabel, he took his own as well.

“I know it doesn’t mean much coming from me – but I think you look really beautiful,” Levi told her.

“Aww, thank you Levi. You look just as amazing,” Isabel smiled as she took his hand, excited to get to the Gala.

“Should I send a picture of you to Furlan later?” Levi offered, Isabel nearly choking on the champagne she was about to take a sip from.

“What, I am not going to deal with you pining over him for the whole year and doing nothing about it!” Levi said as he handed her a paper towel from the door.

“Levi, this is none of your business!” She told him, embarrassed that he called out her smitten feelings for Furlan.

The car stopped at the venue, a red carpet waiting for them to go inside. Isabel adjusted his hair one more time, the thick black hair not wanting to stay put as Levi wanted it to.

Taking her hand to help her from the car, he walked close to her. Since she was wearing heels, he knew that she looked ridiculously tall beside him as they walked the red carpet. He didn’t care though, he tried to look as proud and confident as he could.  

Being guided to the table, he introduced himself to the prince and princess of Monaco, even though he had seen them on the podium today.

“My mom loves your dress,” he immediately blurted out and he could hear Isabel groan softly behind him. 

Sitting down by the table, he quickly downed the wine, hoping he could make it through the night without becoming a national embarrassment for the nation of Japan – he bet the royal couple wished Levi hadn’t punted Erwin off the track… he slowly started to regret that as well.  

Monaco City | 25th of April | 20:20 local time 

Erwin just wanted to get away from the paddock and back home as soon as he could.

Disappointed by his result, he excused himself from all festivities after the race and went home. Senna was already waiting by the door, having been taken out by a dog walker after the race already.

Getting home, he gave the dog the longest and tightest hug. It let some of the tension and disappointment in his body go. 

“There is always next year… huh?” he mumbled to Senna as he held the dog. While it didn’t mean his championship was over, far from it, he just wanted to outscore his teammate. Wanted to show his team he could be their champion. 

Sitting down in his living room, he took a phone call from his parents. His mom always worried about him still. Today he hadn’t really crashed hard, more so being pushed off and his car breaking. But he knew she was probably worried about him nonetheless. Telling her he was okay, he turned on the TV, watching some of the aftershow. 

Grabbing a glass of wine, he knew his trainer would probably scold him about it tomorrow. He was starving after the race, although he had eaten something at the hospitality section of his team.

Walking into his kitchen, he started making some pasta, opening the front door to air out the kitchen. The apartment building had good security at the entrance and most people living here were formula 1 staff as well, so he was glad he felt safe enough to do that. 

Cutting vegetables to add in, he was curious where Senna was. Usually when he was in the kitchen making food, he came out to beg for any scraps of the food.

“Senna?”

Switching off the stove and taking the pot off, he started looking around the apartment. The golden fluff ball was nowhere to be seen though.

Opening the front door further, worried that Senna had gotten to the stairwell, he started walking down the hall and turned the corner, holding a giggle at the sight in front of him.

Senna was taking a nap on the floor, but he wasn’t alone. Sleeping against him was Levi Ackerman.

Levi’s head was on Senna’s flank, the golden retriever happily acting as a pillow for the short driver.

Erwin tried to hold his laughter as he was so tempted to snap a picture of the sight, Levi in his black tie suit sleeping against the golden retriever. He was mumbling something in his sleep as he turned, his arm around Senna now. 

Not sure what to do for a few seconds, Erwin crouched down. He was gentle as he shook Levi’s shoulder.

“Can I get my dog back?” Erwin nudged his shoulder, Levi waking up confused. Levi mumbled something in Japanese as he wiped the bangs from his face, Erwin not a clue what he was saying.

“You’re sleeping against my dog?” Erwin smiled at him as he took Levi’s arm to help him sit up.

“Oh,” Levi just mumbled, his head spinning as he felt so drunk.

“Enjoyed some champagne with the royals?” Erwin chuckled.

“I am not drunk!” Levi slurred, Erwin helping him up to his feet. Erwin wanted to ask where he needed to go, but Levi started to stumble towards the apartment two doors down from Erwin’s.

“Sure,” Erwin laughed as Levi almost fell over again as Senna bumped into his legs.

“Maybe a little,” Levi admitted as he almost dropped his keys. Erwin took his keys from him, unlocking the door. Walking with Levi as the short man was clearly very intoxicated, Erwin searched for the light switch.

“I’m sorry,” Levi mumbled as he leaned against the kitchen table, taking off the tie and jacket.

“Take me out for dinner and we are good,” Erwin joked. Helping Levi inside his apartment after closing the door, giving the keys back to him, he asked where the bedroom was.

Levi instead just collapsed on the couch, Erwin feeling bad as he looked around his house to find Levi a blanket. He found one in the sole bedroom, although he figured that it was actually Levi’s bed that was on the floor. He recognized it as a futon, from his previous trips to Japan for the Japanese Grand Prix.

“Can I take you to your bed?” Erwin asked, not wanting Levi to sleep on the couch if he could help him.

“Hmm… you can…” Levi said with a cheeky smile.

“No, not like that!” Erwin told him.

“Just because you are drunk now doesn’t mean I forgave you for driving me off the track,” Erwin joked as he grabbed Levi some water. Levi blushed as he pet Senna again, the dog having come inside as well.

Erwin smiled at the sight of Levi holding and petting Senna. He had felt drawn to the man, wanting to get to know him and get closer to him. It was nice seeing that his dog liked Levi. If Senna didn’t like people, Erwin didn’t trust them either.

“I was just making some pasta, do you want any before going to sleep?” Erwin offered, but knew Levi was probably full after the Gala. He had won this race last year, knowing how much food was offered at the banquet – and how much wine.

“I will throw up,” Levi shook his head, so dry it made Erwin chuckle for a second.

“Not getting you any food then,” Erwin said as he helped Levi up, the man clearly wanting to head to bed. Erwin still held him close, worried about Levi falling over. Levi stripped out of the suit, leaving a trail of clothing as he finally reached his futon.

Almost falling over as he tried to take off his pants, Erwin caught Levi just in time.

“I have just as many Monaco wins as you now!” Levi slurred as Erwin held him, looking so triumphant at his sudden realization.

“Yea, well – don’t knock me off the track next year. Next year I’m not taking your drunken ass to bed,” Erwin said as Levi rolled onto his futon when Erwin let go of him.

“Just gotta take you out for dinner,” Levi told him as he rolled into his futon.

“Sure,” Erwin just chuckled, the whole situation absurd to him. He was sure Levi would barely remember it tomorrow and he for sure wouldn’t bring it up. Making sure Levi laid

“Oyasumi,” Erwin told him, Levi looking a little surprised to hear Erwin speak Japanese.

“Why do you know that?”

“I am learning from your book,” Erwin told him as he wanted to close the door. Walking back to the living room, Senna sprawled out, waiting for him on the couch.

“Come on, we are heading home,” he called for the dog, but Senna didn’t move from Levi’s couch.

“Taking care of two big babies today, huh?” Erwin said as he took Senna in his arms, making sure he closed the door behind him as he made his way back to his own apartment.

Monaco City | 26th of April | 08:47 local time 

Levi rolled out of his futon, his head throbbing as he tried to remember how he had gotten to bed last night.

Sure, yesterday he had been the king of the world and the Monaco race winner.

Today he was just a pitiful man with a horrible hangover.

Fuck .

Walking to the kitchen, he grabbed a soda from the fridge, picking up his clothes along the way and throwing them in the hamper in the bathroom. His phone had blown up overnight, so many texts from people at home. Kenny had tried to call him eight times.

“Why the fuck did you try the other seven times when I didn’t pick up the first time,” Levi grumbled as he made a mental note to call him later.

Sitting down by the breakfast bar, he tried to muster up the energy to go fry himself an egg, get anything in his queasy stomach.

Maybe he should have eaten the food that Erwin offered him.

Wait – Erwin had been here? Trying to remember, he groaned as he had the faint memory of Erwin waking him up as he had fallen asleep in the hallway, bringing him to bed. Did Erwin have a dog?

Opening his Instagram, he searched for Erwin’s, his stomach sinking as he saw the pictures of the Golden retriever.

FUCK. 

Maybe he had only imagined it.

Maybe there was a slight chance that he had not embarrassed himself.

Seeing the dog hairs on his couch though, he had no more illusion about it though.

Chapter Text

Baku

Monaco city | 4 th of May | 11:32 local time 

Levi didn’t dare to leave his apartment the days after, realizing that Erwin had not only been the one to bring him to bed, but was also his neighbor.

His memory of the night was spotty at best, but he did remember Erwin being there.

Not remembering it all made it even worse, as it made him think about not being able to remember the stupid shit that he may have said or done.

He was waiting for Isabel to get here as he would drive them to the airport. Isabel was always running late, so he had lied about how late they would have to leave so that they would be on time.

He hated that about her the first few months. Now he was used to it. He had his quirks, just like she did and that was okay. 

Isabel came running in, causing chaos in his apartment for a few minutes until they had made their way to his Honda down in the car park. Loading their stuff in, Levi drove to the airport.

Isabel was chatting his ear off, Levi trying to drive a little faster. Usually when she got scared, she shut up.  

A few times he had almost told her about meeting Erwin that night when he came back from the gala, but didn’t dare to. He felt so embarrassed and even more so, worried that it would lead to the teams investigating their integrity if they hung out together. With their teams being the main contenders for the championship, Levi did worry his integrity could be questioned.

Especially after he had also given Erwin that lift in Bahrain. 

The thought of having to tell Isabel that Erwin had actually brought him to bed mortified him though. She would never shut up about it. 

At the airport, he greeted a few fans, taking pictures and heading off to the lounge then for some peace and quiet.

Getting on the plane that would take them to Baku, Levi sat in a middle row of business seats, Isabel in the seat beside him. The flight attendants came by with some champagne to welcome the people in business class.

“Race winner, baby,” she teased him as he poked his shoulder, Levi politely refused the champagne. Thinking about having to drink it was enough to almost make him throw up.

‘Back to your moody self, I guess,’ She teased him, Levi just glaring at her.

“I usually don’t drink,”

“Nah! I know it is because of the gala. You got so drunk,” Isabel chuckled again, “I didn’t realize you are such a lightweight,”

“You tell me not to drink, so I barely do!” Levi pointed out.

“The way you stumbled from the taxi,” Isabel laughed as she thought back at it.

Closing the screen between their seats, Levi looked back at his phone. Pulling up his legs, he curled up into the seat.

Isabel wanted to open the screen, Levi forcing it close again before she could even fully open it.

“I’m sorry Levi! It was just nice to see you live it up for once,” She told him as she stood so she could see him over the wall.

“It’s fine,” he shook his head, looking away from her. It was not her teasing him, instead all he could think about was the snippets in his memory of how he had embarrassed himself in front of Erwin Smith.

“If you say so, short grump,” she told him as she sat back in her own seat, sipping on the champagne as she chose a movie to watch as the flight got ready to take off.

Levi was told to sit properly for take-off. Doing so, he scrolled around his phone for a bit. He didn’t mind flying, but always got a little nervous during take-off.

Looking at his wallpaper, a picture of his parents celebrating his first race win some champagne his mom had sent him, he just hoped to make them proud again this weekend.

He was glad his stepfather had still seen it, when he couldn’t watch the actual race. 

Seven hours later, they touched down in Baku. Isabel stayed close to him in the airport. Some press swarmed them, but they got out pretty quickly into the taxi waiting for them. His team had offered that he could fly private, but he had refused. Felt way too fancy for him. Even now that he was a race winner and bringing plenty of money to the team with his winnings. 

That feeling only got worse as they pulled up in front of the Ritz-Carlton.

“Fuck, this place is fancy,” Levi mumbled under his breath. Following Isabel to the desk, their keys were already laid ready for them. Most of the team members had arrived yesterday.

“Can you behave?!” Isabel hissed at him, although it was much fancier than anything she was used to. Coming from a very average middle class family in Australia, she was not used to this either. Levi growing up with a single mother when he was young and her struggling to make ends meet made it even worse for him. 

Getting his room key, he made his way to his room.

Last year in F2 he had slept downtown, much less fancy. Not that he cared, if he had a bed to sleep in, he would be fine.

Honestly, it was one of the countries he looked forward to leaving as soon as he could. It was one of the countries where he felt a little at unease, even though he was very much gay but mostly closeted in the world of F1. As a big sportsman, he had nothing to worry about even if they did know. They wouldn’t arrest him, the world going into a frenzy if they did. 

But it felt like he couldn’t be free. Even if nothing changed. Just made him think about how little he had done about romance, sex. How little he thought about it between dedicating his life to F1 and his worries about his parents.

How much of a fool he felt for even insinuating to Erwin he could take him to bed. Levi had never even been together with someone. Levi was a virgin, dedicating his time to his racing career all his life. He had almost had a romance when he was in F2, but had cut it off when it had impacted his racing. 

Even thinking about how pretty and nice he thought Erwin was, he felt like a fool even thinking about it. Erwin would never feel the same about him, some foul mouthed virgin runt.

Especially not when a chunk of countries they visited were very unfriendly towards gay people. Azerbaijan was by far not the worst. 

Already made him feel very uneasy.

The room was massive, bigger than the tiny apartment in Tokyo where his mother had raised him. It was nice though, much nicer than he had ever been.

He started unpacking his stuff, putting his clothes in the wardrobe in neat piles. Something he always did, put his mind at ease when he was freaking out about everything and nothing.

Inside the suitcase was also the small Inari statue from the shrine his father had given him before he had left Tokyo last time. Putting it on his nightstand, he hoped that it would bring him some luck this weekend.

If it would help him avoid seeing Erwin Smith, he would go to the shrine the next time he was in Tokyo to give his thanks with plenty of yens.

Nice private airport | 4 th of May | 12:02 local time 

Erwin flew into Baku with Hange and some other crew living in Monaco. His parents were visiting this race, so Senna was staying at his trusted dog sitter. Senna always got spoiled by the older woman who adored watching him, so Erwin hoped he wouldn’t miss him too much.

Settling into the comfortable seat, he scrolled through his phone, looking for the shows he had saved for the long flight ahead – almost eight hours – he noticed the screenshot he had taken a few days ago.

It was a news article about Levi going to the gala in Monaco after his win.

He looked so handsome.

He looked so beautiful in the suit.

More put together than how disheveled Erwin had found him. Yet Erwin had thought he was so beautiful back then. 

Couldn’t stop thinking about his eyes, luring him right in. The soft and thick black hair. His tiny body, yet so strong. 

Embarrassed though, Erwin deleted the screenshot. He shouldn’t be swooning about one of his competitors. No matter how gorgeous he looked in the suit.

He had been on his mind non stop since he had been in his apartment, helping the drunk man to bed. 

“Me and Pieck had dinner at that new Italian place down the street. It was great, you should check it out too. There is an outside eating space as well you could even take Senna,” Hange said as they sat down in the seat beside Erwin.

“Cool,” Erwin said, quickly moving his phone from Hange’s view, worried that they would see the screenshot he was trying to delete.

“Damn, don’t get too excited,” Hange teased his mild reaction.

“Sorry, just had something on my mind,” Erwin excused himself. Deleting the screenshot and putting his phone aside, he looked at the pictures Hange showed him of the restaurant. It looked good and he made a mental note to book it next time his parents came to Monaco.

He had no illusions that Levi remembered the dinner he had proposed.

Closing his eyes to take a nap, he did think about Levi again, feeling embarrassed. Why was he suddenly like a smitten teenager about his competitor?

Arriving in Baku, he got through customs at the private terminal, a van already waiting for him and his teammates to bring them to their hotel.

Hange kept blabbering on to him, most of the crew clearly annoyed by them as well. Erwin could never be truly annoyed by them though, they were the best race engineer on the grid, he was sure and he really appreciated them.

Arriving at the Carlton-Ritz, Erwin was handed a keycard and made his way to his room. Grabbing his stuff from his suitcase, he haphazardly threw them around the room and into the closet. Didn’t matter, he would be out of here within days again and onto the next hotel room.

Made no sense to really try unpacking.

Baku | 5 th of May | 08:12 local time 

Erwin met his parents in the hotel lobby early in the morning. They had flown in on a flight later than he did. Since they had arrived late, they had promised to meet up this morning, especially since the whole hotel Erwin stayed in was booked out by F1 teams. They slept in a hotel not far from here, having promised to meet Erwin here.

They had not seen him in a few weeks, not since Erwin had picked up Senna from their place a few weeks ago after he flew to the UK from Bahrain.

His stepmom was so excited to see him, running his way to hug him. Erwin hugged her back, so glad to see his parents as well. He always tried to have them fly out to some races every year, spoiling them. Usually tried a different race every year, his parents enjoying seeing all the different countries and cultures as well.

He had arranged for them to be taken on a private tour of the city, loading into the taxi waiting for them. They were shown around the city, all the sights. His stepmother was eagerly taking pictures. Taking a few pictures together as well, Erwin sat with them for a nice lunch.

“I trained this morning before you came to the hotel,” Erwin explained as he ordered some extra food, feeling hungry. 

“Wish I could eat like that,” his mother chuckled as she passed the extra plates to him. 

“Kidding me? You are gorgeous, mum!” he told her, her leaning him to kiss him on his cheek. 

“And that is why you are the golden boy of F1,”

Yeah, as much as he tried, he had not been able to shake that opinion people had of him. He had to show his teeth, show his team that he could be their number one driver. 

The tour continued and Erwin enjoyed it as well. He had barely seen anything but the hotel the last two times he was here. He bought some souvenirs for his parents, his stepmom telling him to stop spoiling them. He would never do that though, since everything he had, he only had thanks to them.

Inviting them over to his hotel for dinner after the rest of the tour, Erwin sat down with his parents by the table. Ordering their food, their appetizers soon came. Erwin had ordered a ton of them so they could share. His stepmom still looked in awe at the fancy hotel.

Looking around the table, Erwin was so grateful that he got to treat his father and stepmom after all those years they had worked hard so he could buy new stuff for his carting career, driving him around to competitions.

He had already told the staff to put the bill to his room, not wanting his parents to even have a chance to pay.

His stepmom had come into his life when he was four and he barely thought of her anything but his mom. As his mother had passed away in his delivery, he had never known her.

He did think about the fact that if there was a heaven, he hoped she would be proud of him seeing what his life amounted to. 

Sometimes there was some guilt, that she had died because of him, even if he never had a say in it. He just hoped to make her and her memory proud. 

His stepmother had always been so graceful of the fact that Erwin had a mother, even if he had never known her and her husband was a widower when he met him. They had gotten so much closer now though.

Passing the salad over to his stepmom, Erwin pilled some more of the squid on his plate.

“Think you can win this weekend?”

“See no reason why not. I’m usually decent on street circuits,” Erwin shrugged, not wanting to make any promises he didn’t know if he could keep. 

“When Ackerman doesn’t drive you off the track,” his stepmom mentioned. 

Cazimir poked his son in his side, pointing over at another table.

“That him?”

Erwin felt his blood turn into ice as he looked backwards at the table, noticing Levi sitting there with Isabel, having dinner as well.

“Is it weird to ask him for a signature?” Erwin’s dad asked Erwin.

“I think he is kinda busy eating dad. How about we ask him tomorrow, on track?” Erwin offered, his dad nodding.

Levi still didn’t even dare to look in his general direction. He had seen Erwin, blushing and embarrassed.

“I’m gonna head up to my room,” Levi mumbled as he put his napkin on the table, having barely finished his dinner.

“Why?”

“Gotta shit.” Levi deadpanned.

“Okay Kimi Raikkonnen,” she rolled her eyes. 

“What about dessert, you said you wanted the tiramisu and we allotted it into your training today?” Isabel asked, a little confused.

“Can order it to my room later,” Levi got up, hurrying to his room. He did an odd circle around the dining room, trying to get as far away from the table where the Smiths were eating.

Leaving Isabel in complete confusion, he rushed to his hotel room. Falling into the bed, he screamed into his pillow, feeling so embarrassed of the snippets of memory still in his head from the night Erwin was in his apartment.

Baku street circuit | 8 th of May | 15:40 local time 

Levi had managed to dodge Erwin and his parents when they had tried to get into his pitbox. Easily making it through Q1 and Q2, he only tried to focus on his qualifying now.

His mom had called him this morning, clearly avoiding questions about how his stepfather was doing.

It angered him. 

Levi angered himself. 

“Q3 on the way, dividing the top 10 places. Let’s see what is going to happen”

Because he was such a fucking idiot that always managed to embarrass himself.

Disappoint everybody. Probably disappointed his mother who was going through so much and he wasn’t there to help her. 

He had to win, he had to win again. He had to show his parents why he was out here and not with them. Why he was such a fucking asshole leaving his sick father -

“Yellow flags! What happened?”

“Looks like Ackerman hit the wall!”

It took Levi a second to get his bearings again, realizing he had hit the wall, the adrenaline still soared through his body.

Confirming on the radio he was okay, Levi started to get out of the car.

Taking the steering wheel out, one of the marshals came over to help him out. With the narrow streets and other cars still needing to pass to get back to the pits even though the red flag was flown now. They helped him through the fencing, Levi looking as some of his competitors came by to get back to the pits. The session was red flagged, the marshals needing to remove his car and look if the barriers were still intact.

“Are you okay?” One of the marshals asked, Levi nodding as he removed his helmet.

Fuck.

After the highs of Monaco, he felt like such a fool now. Felt that his anger had gotten the better of him.

Getting on the back of the scooter with one of the marshals, he tried to avoid the media as he got back into the paddock.

He knew how much the media would take this chance to dig into him again, talking about what a hothead he was and that his showing at Monaco wasn’t his usual. 

Making a point to text his parents before he would go to the press pen to let them know he was okay, he couldn’t help but see the disappointed look in his team boss’s eyes.

Walking to the media pen, he heard Erwin call out for him behind him.

Levi ignored him. He felt embarrassed enough.

Baku street circuit | 9 th of May | 14:40 local time 

 Doing a last inspection of his car before getting in to drive it to the starting grid, Levi noticed the charm was gone that he kept in there with him. There was a small charm near his steering wheel, from the Inari temple near his home. 

“Must’ve fallen out when they brought the car back,” Furlan said, helping him look for a second. With all the repairs that had to be done on the car, Levi was sure they would have seen it. 

“I can’t race without it!” Levi mumbled, flustered as he looked through the car one more time. 

“Levi, I know you are upset but there is nothing I can do about this right now,” Furlan told him, although he laid his hand on Levi’s shoulder.

“You are going to be fine, okay?” Furlan asked his friend. Levi wanted to get angry again, wanted the charm that his stepfather had given him and he kept it in his car as a good luck charm. 

Furlan always calmed him down though. Zipping up his suit and getting into the car, he gave Furlan a last nod before they would switch their radios on.

Furlan hit him on top of his helmet, his ritual before every race.  

“Asshole,” Levi told him just like he did before every race. 

“Dipshit,” Furlan answered back with a smile as he backed off so Levi could drive the car out of the garage. 

Levi took a few deep breaths, knowing that he couldn’t let anger get the best of him.

Erwin lined up next to Miche on the grid. He had qualified only a few tenths off, it would be close. 

A great start got him into the lead of the race, ahead of Miche. 

After their pits, Erwin was still leading. Miche had tried to undercut him, but it had not worked out for the German. 

“Miche is on a different strategy,” Erwin heard over the radio from the teamboss. He knew what it meant, the team wanted him to let Miche by. 

“Miche’s tires are older. They will put Erwin’s race at risk,” Hange argued over the radio. 

“Erwin, can you hold Kirschtein back on your tires?” the teamboss asked him. 

“No!” He finally refused, not giving his lead up for Miche. Even if he could have, he was not going to fuck his race for the team today. Not with his parents here. Not after the disappointment of last week. 

He knew it would come back to bite him in the ass. 

Erwin didn’t care as he drove for the win though. 

Getting out of the car, his parents were waiting by the boarding, hugging and congratulating him. 

Hange was close by as well, going on the stage with him to represent their team. Erwin had asked that they would come with them on one of his wins and the team seemed to wanna give him some grace after what had just happened. 

Erwin was aware that this was a poor look for them as well. 

Miche came to congratulate him begrudgingly, going into the interview without mentioning it. 

Erwin drank some water, getting ready for the interview, as he was the last to be interviewed. 

“Congrats on your win, Erwin. Many fans in the stands happy to see you win,”

“Thank you guys, and thank you for coming out to support me,” Erwin said, showing his beaming smile as he waved at the stands in front of him. 

“It looked like you went against your team?” the interviewer dared to ask, knowing Erwin could deal with that. He was a good media personality. 

“I had the better strategy, Miche’s tires would not have held and Kirschtein could have overtaken us both. So I did it for the team,” Erwin said, knowing that Hange was right. He would always trust Hange. 

The interviewer was not sure what to say either, clearly. Rounding it off to go to the stage to take his trophy, Erwin glared at Miche. He wasn’t going to take his shit today.  

Getting into the cooldown room, he saw the images of the race, seeing Levi overtake half the grid to end up in fourth. Looking at the overtakes Levi had done, an insane amount for a track like Baku, he didn’t even hear the people around him congratulating him. 

Levi was chosen driver of the day, hence they showed his race from tenth to fourth, an amazing feed. 

Hange talked to the other drivers as he was in a trance, looking at the screens. 

All he could look like was Levi weaving his car through the tight circuit, so much talent and drive. Talent and drive he was slowly losing in his team. 

He really was a talented guy.

Erwin only felt himself falling for him faster.

The Ritz Carlton, Baku | 10 th of May | 08:32 local time 

The race yesterday was still on Levi’s mind. He knew that he should be proud that he managed to make it far into the points, starting tenth, but still had missed out of the podium. It was disappointing after his last win. He had kept the damage on points to a minimum, still in third place not far behind Erwin and Miche in the championship.

His mother had called him during the night, probably forgetting about the time difference. It had taken a while for him to call her back, worried she was disappointed.

Instead she called to make sure that he was okay.

“Wasn’t really much of a crash,” Levi tried to calm her, but she still sounded so worried. He was sure that that would never change.

“Can you finally tell me how dad is doing?”

“He is pretty sick, Levi. I hate to tell you, you being so far away and all. But I don’t want to lie. Starting a new course of chemo tomorrow as well,” Kuchel finally admitted.

Levi wasn’t sure what to say, tears welling up in his eyes. Not just because of his stepfather, but just as much because he knew that his mom was going through it as well, seeing her loved husband so sick for the second time, taking care of him.

“Love you mom,” he finished the phone call a few minutes later. Trying to keep himself from crying, he walked down the hotel hallway to a room four doors down, where he knew Isabel was staying. Banging on the door, she let him in, surprised as he looked so distraught.

“Fuck this, I am flying home,” Levi told her. He had two weeks before Canada. He could do it, he could fly to Japan.

“Levi -”

“Gotta go home Isabel, just for a few days. I really need to see my parents,” Levi told her. She nodded, understanding. As calm as he tried to be, she could see he was freaking out, something he seldom did. 

“Alright, let me call the team to get your flight rerouted. How about you have five days in Japan and fly to Canada then. I’ll meet you there and get you ready for the race,” Isabel told him. Levi nodded, knowing not to push it.

“Call you every day, stick to my diet,” he promised her, realizing what a nightmare he was to her. 

“I know,” Isabel told him with a trusting smile. She fully understood he wanted to see his family, plus how dedicated he was to the sport put her at ease that he would still follow all her instructions.

“Get your luggage, I will work it out for you. See you in the lobby,” she told him. Levi nodded, knowing that he could count on Isabel to get his plane rebooked.

Grabbing his luggage together, Levi made his way into the elevator. As the doors opened, Levi got in without looking up, checking his phone if his flight got changed. Only as he heard Erwin clear his throat, he looked up.

Mortified.

“Have you been avoiding me all weekend?”

“Yep,” Levi admitted. Erwin chuckled, trying to hold his laughter in. Levi was just such a funny and likable guy to him. Especially in F1, the world of fluffed up and cleaned up personas.

“Why?”

“Because I made a fool of myself,”

“I did way worse after my first win – and Monaco last year? I got very drunk as well at the gala. Even asked Charlene to dance with me,” Erwin told him, Levi finding some relief in his story.

“You are not a Monaco race winner every day,” Erwin tried to soothe him again. Levi finally dared to smile back at him.

“Besides, my dog really loved your hugs and pets,”

“Congrats on your win yesterday, by the way,” Levi told Erwin.

“Thanks,” Erwin said, appreciating it as he knew that Levi had had a rough weekend - although Erwin only admired him more after his salvaging drive. 

“You did amazing as well, driving to fourth from tenth,” Erwin added.

“Tch.” Levi didn’t seem to agree - he was never happy with himself. 

Getting out of the elevator, Erwin wanted to walk out in front of Levi.

“Erwin?”

The blonde turned around, smiling brightly at Levi. Even more so now, Levi really did think the saying about a dog looking like its owner was true when it came to Erwin and Senna.

“I do think I still owe you dinner?” Levi didn’t dare to look at him.

“That was just a joke, unless you want to have dinner with me?” Erwin laughed for a second, but hoped Levi would say yes to his last question.

“I would like to,” Levi answered after a few tense seconds.

“My race engineer told me about a nice new restaurant in Monaco – maybe we can check it out sometime next week?” Erwin offered, wanting to make it easy for Levi, worried he was going to push him away again.

“I’m flying to Tokyo,” Levi shook his head. For a second he thought of telling Erwin the reason why he was flying home. Tell him about his father, about the worries in his mind.

Erwin knew what to say, he always seemed to know the right things to say. Yet Levi said nothing.

“That sick of Monaco already?”

Again, Levi doubted.

“The Japanese food fucking sucks there, I gotta get some good food in me to fuel for Canada,” Levi humored him though, still not daring to talk about his father. The food in Monaco was fine, but Erwin started to chuckle.

“Let’s go for dinner in Canada then, yeah?” Erwin offered with that smile Levi already adored so much. Levi nodded. Separating before checking out of their hotel, Levi caught some last glimpses of Erwin before he got into the bus that would take him, Hange and crew members to the airport.

Levi waited for Isabel, his stomach still fluttering after talking to Erwin.

Isabel was down in the lobby a few minutes later.

“I got you on a Japan Airlines flight leaving for Tokyo in three hours, it’s economy though. Still working on that,”

“I don’t care,”

“Just figured you would want some privacy. Not a nice flight if you are constantly recognized or bothered. Plus I need you well rested after these five days,” she told him, checking her phone for an update. The team was working hard on it, although begrudgingly. She would take all the brunt of that though.

She could see he was crumbling emotionally, knew that being stuck in the middle seat in economy would only stress him out more. 

All she needed was for Levi to be okay and she fully understood he wanted to be with his family. Hell - Levi felt like family to her and she couldn’t imagine being far away from him. 

Looking down at her phone, she saw his ticket come in.

“Okay, they managed to upgrade you,” she smiled at him.

“Thank you Iz. You are the best, really,” Levi told her.

“See you in Montreal in five days, Levi,” She told him, pulling him into another hug. Finally he hugged her back. It was nice to know she supported him, no matter what.

Tokyo | 11th of May | 06:49 local time 

Driving his rental car, kindly provided by Honda, he drove to his parents’ house. Given the time, Tokyo traffic wasn’t as bad. Besides, he was lucky enough to fly into Haneda, which was a lot closer than Narita.

Parking his car nearby, he walked to the house. He had called his mother on the way to the airport, but his dad did not know that he was coming home today.

Kuchel let him in with a big hug, in the midst of making breakfast. His mom was not letting him go before she kissed him all over his face, so excited to see him again. So proud her son was now a race winner - although she was never anything but proud of him. 

Quietly he walked in, his stepdad reading the newspaper at the table. His stomach sunk seeing how much weight he had already lost – and his team hat covered the hair he had lost.

Sneaking up thought, he hugged him from behind, his stepfather gasping. Levi let go, laughing as he was so glad to see his stepfather.

“You little devil!” He told Levi, ruffling his hair though.

“Figured I would surprise you, old man,” Levi told him, rubbing his shoulder.

“Are you staying long?” His stepfather asked, hopeful to spend some time with Levi.

“Five days,” Levi answered him.

His stepfather still seemed surprised, but looked so happy now that Levi was here again.

“Gotta have breakfast, need to go for my chemo later this morning,” his dad said as Levi sat down.

“I’m driving you, can say you got brought there by an F1 driver. Coolest guy in the chemo center,” Levi told him, his stepfather chuckling. 

“And a race winning one at that. I am so proud of you,” his stepfather got up to hug him. Holding him close, Levi never wanted to let go again. His mother couldn’t stop smiling either looking at the men hug.

Finishing up the breakfast, she could finally show the extra portions she had made for Levi.

“Must be a bit of a letdown, after staying at five star hotels,” Kuchel told her as she passed the bowls of rice around.

“You kidding me, mom? It’s the best,” Levi smiled as he looked at the lovingly prepared breakfast.

“You should go to the Inari shrine, pray for fortune in your next race,” Takashio told him.

Levi wanted to shrug as he didn’t really care about religion or his stepfather's superstition, but did realize he could pick up a new charm for his car. Nodding, he dug into the breakfast.

After breakfast, Levi made his way over to the Shinto shrine close to their house. It was a bigger one, many people going there for worship, including his stepfather.

While Levi was not raised religious, he did attend the shrine with his stepfather sometimes, especially around the important holidays. It was the shrine the keepsake in his car and the statue he took around hotel rooms came from as well.

Walking his way over to the coinbox, he threw in the yens, clapping his hands. He knew to pray for good fortune in his next race. But he didn’t.  

Please, please – please don’t let me lose my father. Don’t make my mother a widower. Let them and us live happily together.

Bowing, he made his way over to the shop. The little charm his father had bought him for in his car had been lost after his qualifying crash. Levi would never tell him, just buying a new one instead.

Picking up a charm for Erwin as well, he couldn’t help but think about their dinner in Montreal. He seemed to like languages, maybe he would like something cultural from Japan?

“Aren’t you the F1 driver?!” The clerk asked him, exasperated.

“Depends if you like him,” Levi humored him.

“I hope it brings you a lot of luck in your next races,” the man said as he wrapped up the charms, handing them over to Levi.

At home, he tucked them away in his luggage, his stepfather ready to go. Looking at the Honda sports car Levi would drive him in in awe. Levi knew he liked fast cars, knew he loved racing. It had let them grow closer when Levi was younger. Going to races together, his stepfather even helped him maintain his cart. 

“You better drive carefully for once in your life,” Kuchel warned him as he got in at the driver's side.

“I would like to point out I did win the Monaco Gra-”

Kuchel slammed the door shut before he could finish his sentence, waving as Levi brought the sports car to live with a loud roar. His stepfather was smiling – and that was all that mattered to Levi.

“Maybe I can pull some strings at Fuji speedway and we can drive this thing around there in the next few days?” Levi offered.

“Your mother will be so angry!” Takashio warned him.

“Will it make you happy though?”

“Any time spent with you makes me happy. You’re the best son I’m very lucky to have,” Takashio told him, Levi feeling his chest warm up as he said so. Driving to the hospital, he walked with his stepfather, sitting down with him as an IV was attached for his chemo. 

“You don’t need to stay,”

“I will though,” Levi told him, squeezing his hand. His stepfather fell asleep, Levi thinking about the fact again that he had called him his son. Holding his hand still, he only looked at his phone as a text came in. It was Erwin, asking when he arrived in Montreal. Responding, he got a dinner reservation from Erwin within seconds. Only a week away they would see each other in Montreal, both of them flying in early. 

Levi felt a nervous murmur in his stomach, scared to get hurt. Scared to disappoint. 

Yet he couldn’t wait to sit at the table with Erwin Smith.  

Chapter Text

Narita Airport | 16 th of May | 10:32 local time 

It was hard leaving Japan.

Levi always found it hard. But this time, it was extra hard. His father was so sick and for a second he doubted about giving up his F1 career as he was with his family, a few days ago. 

He was one of twenty of the luckiest men in the world. But he did not feel like it at all. Luck right now would be for his father to get better. For his mother to be happy again.

That he could finally treat them to the life that they deserved so much.

They had made some fun memories the last few days though, Levi taking him out to Fuji speedway to drive his rental car around. His dad had loved it so much and they had ridden laps for almost an hour.

His mother had been so worried his dad would feel sick as he was still on chemo and the car sure did not help. He was fine though, enjoying the time spent together. His mother had made a delicious picnic they enjoyed in the grass around the speedway. 

Waiting for his flight in Narita Airport’s business lounge, he left the lounge to browse some more of the shops as his flight was delayed. He was not even sure what to buy, getting away from the lounge for a bit. Isabel would have kept him in there, worried that people would bother him, causing him to blow up.

Isabel was not here though, the trust that he was to fly alone giving Levi a good feeling as well. The last thing he wanted was for her to fly halfway around the world just for him again. 

Furlan had texted him this morning about some ideas he was thinking of the next race. Between races Furlan always went home to his house in the Slovenian countryside for a few days to think. At least Furlan claimed that the peace and quiet helped him think. His notes were indecipherable for Levi, the slovenian scribbles and vague drawings making no sense to him. 

Levi said he might visit him over the summer break, wanting to see where his strategist came up with his plans. 

He could only imagine Furlan laying out in his yard with a notebook for hours on end, finally scribbling down his idea that would eventually get shot down by the team again. 

Levi wondered if he ever thought of Isabel, his PA and trainer so smitten over Furlan. Sometimes Levi wondered if the only thing turning the man on was race cars.

Levi had picked up some gifts from them in Tokyo as well, wanting to treat his friends and the two people that he had to thank for a lot of his success.  

Since he had already gotten all his gifts, he was just browsing out of boredness now, hoping his flight would not be delayed much longer. Isabel was probably eager to see him, to make sure that he had done his training while he was in Tokyo. He had, although his diet had been a little harder with his mother threatening him every time he refused any of her food. 

His eye fell on a dog toy though, 

Seeing the Sanrio dog toy, he picked it up. He was not sure if it was something Erwin would like - given it was Hello Kitty after all, with a little squeaker inside. But he thought it was a nice touch after he had slept against the dog. 

He just hoped that the golden boy’s golden dog would like it.

Montreal  | 18 th of May | 14:09 local time 

It was Levi’s first time in Montreal.

He liked it – fine.

He was sure he would have liked it more if he had not just come back from his family in Japan. His father was weighing heavily on his mind. 

It was a shame, he had really looked forward to going here knowing he was going to Montreal here now as an F1 driver. 

Isabel had dragged him on a tour of the city, dragging him around for over two hours before settling on the Ferris wheel in the rebuilt old harbor.

She studied Levi, hoping to see the slightest bit of enjoyment of him. She really tried to make him feel better, even when she felt that her mere presence annoyed him.

It sucked to see him like this. Last year he had told her that he really looked forward to traveling the world. But then his dad fell sick and she could see him fall apart.

“I found a nice restaurant to have dinner tonight,” Isabel said as she snapped a picture of his slumped posture and annoyed look. The beanie he wore in the hopes not to get recognized at much only made it feel even worse.

“Sorry, can’t make it,” Levi shook his head. 

“You never do anything if I don’t force you - so why?” 

“Because I can’t,” Levi told her as she still marveled at the view.

“Why?” Isabel complained again. Sometimes, as much as she loved Levi as a friend, he did annoy everything out of her. He was such an unfathomable person every now and again. 

“I said no,” Levi said, although he did feel bad turning her down, she seemed so excited.

“Sometimes you are such an insufferable grump,” Isabel complained. For a second he thought of telling her that it was because he was going out for dinner with Erwin, but didn’t dare to still.

“Sorry,” Levi did say, not wanting to hurt his friend. He wished he could tell her, he wished that he could share his nerves with her, telling her something that he was excited about when he felt that he was always the bearer of bad news when he had to tell her about his parents.

She worked so hard for him and now he didn’t even manage to tell her about what was going on in his life. 

Getting off the Ferris wheel, they walked into the old town.

Isabel was looking around in delight, snapping pictures as she looked at the little shops with nicknacks.

Seeing her enjoy herself, Levi realized how hard he was making it on her.

Walking into the food store nearby, he took out some food for them.

“Here, I got us some beavertails,” Levi handed the one topped up with an almost comical amount of tiny marshmallows, Nutella and chocolate chunks. He had read about them and knew that Isabel was a massive sweet tooth.

Isabel's eyes lit up in excitement as she took it, digging in with gusto as Levi sat down beside her on the bench. He had gone for a more plain version.

“I’m sorry I called you a grump,” She mumbled as she took another bite of her beavertail.

“You are not wrong,” Levi mumbled as he ate more of his beavertail as well.

“What I’m trying to say is… I’m sorry for being, you know…” Levi mumbled.

“Levi, I get it. I know you wanna be home. It is just sad to see you so distressed when you finally got all that you wanted - don’t even seem to want to enjoy a dinner,” she said, more worried than accusing. 

“I am going out for dinner with somebody, so sorry I can’t come with you tonight,” Levi did tell her now, about as far as he dared to go and tell her.

“Do you have a date?” Isabel frowned as a joke, but saw Levi look away quickly.

“No!” Levi immediately shook his head.

“Hmm…” She seemed unsure.

“What would you say if I was? I seem pretty unlovable,” Levi finally said, Isabel seeing the doubt on his face. 

“Levi, you are not. You are a perfect guy the way you are…just not for everybody,” Isabel pondered, trying to give him good advice. 

“Is that supposed to be encouraging?” Levi scoffed.

“If it is a date, I know you are going to be fine,” She tried to assure him though, licking the nutella from her fingers, Levi crunching up his nose, Isabel laughing at him. He finally chuckled as well, glad to spend this time with her though. 

Levi was not even sure he would call it a date. He was nervous nonetheless.

Montreal  | 18 th of May | 18:15 local time 

Erwin had offered to pick him up at his hotel, wanting to surprise him with the restaurant they were going to eat at. Levi worried that he was underdressed, no clue what Erwin had invited him to.

He had gone shopping in Tokyo even for dinner, wanting to impress Erwin. While had been fine with the clothes he had, he had mentioned the dinner to his mom. Only saying it was because they were neighbors and were going to be in Montreal early, she had immediately dragged him out to shop.

Levi had found some fancy black slacks and his mother had picked a nice shirt for him. He had told her it was too fancy for him, but she had only told him that he was a world class F1 driver. He had only barely managed to pay for it before she could.

His mother had taken in the legs of the pants, fitting him perfectly now. She had told him so many times to be nice and polite – to get along with his competitor. That Erwin might be able to give him some nice advice.

Putting on the shirt in the hotel room, he yelped as a pin his mother had put in as she had also taken in the shirt slightly had been left in it. Taking it out, he made sure he had not bled on the shirt.

The small stab had been one of love though, his mother putting in so much time in the few days he was here. Although he had not told her, she had clearly picked up how important it was to her.

With his short and petite stature, she had gotten used to taking most of his clothes in, having done so for all his uniforms as well through the years.

Checking his hair again in the mirror, he started to make his way down with his jacket and umbrella, as some rain was predicted.

Erwin was already waiting outside, looking beautiful in the glow of the sun that still peaked between the clouds, a warm hue from the glass high rise that adorned this part of Montreal.

Erwin greeted him and soon they walked down the street. Both of them seemed nervous, not sure what to say as they walked together.

Levi worried a little about getting recognized, but so far they seemed okay.

“I brought a gift,” Levi said as he took the wrapped charm from his pocket. The one in his car was waiting in the hotel room, hoping that he would get some more luck from it. He missed his old one though. It would never come back though, and he just hoped that the new one would give him some luck in his upcoming races as well.

Erwin took it carefully, looking in the envelope as they stopped walking for a second.

“It’s from the shrine near my parents’ house,” Levi gave an explanation as Erwin opened the small envelope.

“That is so nice, thank you Levi,” Erwin smiled as he inspected the charm. He loved learning about different cultures, hoping that Levi would explain a bit more over it at dinner.

“Got something else,” Levi held up the gift bag before Erwin could see the blush as Erwin seemed so excited about his gift, Levi so glad to see he liked it. 

“You already gave me a present?” Erwin blushed as Levi brought up a second gift now. Levi handed over a brightly colored gift big, Erwin a bit surprised he had really brought another gift for him.

“You shouldn’t have,” Erwin managed to muster, embarrassed as he wanted to be a good host.

“Are you a dog?” Levi deadpanned, Erwin shaking his head with a smile. Unwrapping it, there was a cute stuffed toy inside, a souvenir from Japan.

“Figured I had something to make up for with the dog, using him as a pillow and all,” Levi said as he shifted his eyes away, still embarrassed at the memory.

“I don’t think he minded at all,” Erwin assured him again. Levi tried to hide his blush with his umbrella, walking close to Erwin still as they made their way to the restaurant. Erwin clutched the gift bag in his hand, thinking it was such a nice touch from Levi.

Opening the door for Levi, he was quickly guided to a table in the corner, away from most other guests. Erwin had really tried to ask for a table with some privacy, not wanting rumors to get around.

Settling on the table in the corner, nicely tucked away from curious eyes, Levi didn’t dare to look at Erwin as they studied the drinks menu. Even now, he still felt so awkward. Fuck, this place was expensive as well.

Erwin spotted his worried look.

“Don’t worry,”

“About what?”

“The costs - I’m paying,” Erwin said as he studied the menu.

Levi huffed, closing the menu.

“Am I not supposed to be treating you?” Levi pointed out.

“Me, an established driver with a salary in the millions bumming dinner of a rookie that is paid scraps? Couldn’t be me,” Erwin told him with a wink, although Levi could feel he was being honest.

It was also the truth. 

Even when Erwin had said Levi owed him dinner, he was well aware that the rookie was not paid well at all, barely enough to even explain the dangers of the sport. He just wanted to enjoy the dinner and not have Levi worry about it.

Levi wanted to tell him he didn’t need his charity, moving the menu aside.

“Gonna pay it from my bonus for winning this Grand Prix,” Erwin winked at him.

Levi got up from his seat with a scowl.

“Sorry, I just – just wanted to treat you to a nice dinner,”

“Don’t need charity,”

“Levi, please…I just want to enjoy this dinner with you,” Erwin told him.

“Whatever, arrogant rich prick,” Levi said as he sat down again, although Erwin picked up on the joking undertones. Erwin chuckled at his remark, pointed at the menu then.

“I figured we could maybe get the seven course menu with local dishes – and the wine tasting. If you don’t drink that is fine too,”

“You know I drink,” Levi pointed out.

“Well, I am an arrogant rich prick, but I am not the prince of Monaco, so that might change things?” Erwin smiled at him, Levi letting go of a slight chuckle.  

Levi was unsure looking at his hands. He knew he was a lightweight sometimes, knew how inebriated he had been when Erwin had seen him last.

“Not sure about having that much wine”
“That is all good,” Erwin told him with a warm smile.

Levi finally nodded, agreeing to his offer of the different dishes.

Ordering their food, he settled for just a glass of wine he could pace himself on, Erwin grabbing one of the rolls from the basket, slathering it in

“How is your dog?” Levi finally started conversation, fumbling with the cutlery in front of him as he felt nervous still.

“He is all good, he is with my parents in England,” Erwin nodded, though it was sweet he asked.

“Senna is a cool name. You grew up watching Senna?”

“How old do you think I am?” Erwin chuckled.

“Oh – yeah,” Levi realized that both of them were nowhere near the age they would have been to see them race, Senna having passed away in an accident years before they were born. Erwin just kindly smiled at him.

“I grew up watching him on video tape though, my dad used to tape all races in the 90s,” Erwin explained.

“What was your first live race?”

“Silverstone 2006, yours is Suzuka I presume?”

“No, we didn’t have the money or the time every time it came around. We tried to go to Fuji Speedway in 2008 and 2009 but it didn’t work out either. My uncle in Germany took me to Hockenheim when I was seven and we visited him,”

“2008?”

“Yeah,” Levi confirmed.

“Good race,”

“You know every race by heart?”

“Most of them,” Erwin admitted, his cheeks flushing slightly red.

“Fuck you are a nerd, knowing ever race and learning twenty languages,” Levi chuckled. Their first dish was brought out, a small starter of local vegetables prepared four ways.

“You can never show this to anybody!” Erwin said as he took his phone out, showing a picture of his first race attendance, a young boy almost swimming in the shirt of the team he raced for now, the equally large cap only kept in place with the giant headset he was wearing as ear protection.  Not hiding the bowl cut though.

It got a laugh and kind smile out of Levi.

“That is adorable,”

Levi took out his phone as well, looking for a picture Kenny had recently sent him again.

“This was me after the race,” Levi showed him a picture of him sleeping in Kenny’s lap as they waited for the crowd to clear out so they could leave as well. The slumped cap of one of the teams kept the sun out of his eyes and Levi’s chubby young face made Erwin chuckle as well.

“You cannot deprive the world of this,”

“Sure, but then you have to share yours as well, bowl cut boy,” Levi referred to his hairstyle. Both of them laughed now, even Levi ordering another round of wine as they got their second plate.

“You always watched with your dad?”

“I have a stepdad,” Levi nodded, “Feels more like my actual dad, though,”

“Yeah, same with my mum,” Erwin smiled.

“You visited them in Tokyo the last few days?” Erwin asked, Levi nodding. For a second he did think again about telling Erwin about his family's situation. Given that Erwin was so emotionally mature and smart he really wanted to. 

Yet, he didn’t again. 

“Next time we are in Japan, show me around?” Erwin smiled.

“Sure, but I expect you to speak decent Japanese by then as well,” Levi humored him, digging into the next plate they got. It was another fancy platter of local fish, Levi eating with much gusto.

Erwin thought he looked adorable as he looked in, his hands so delicate and graceful as he ate. His eyes turned away, hidden by the thick dark lashes, Erwin had to look away to hide a blush.

“Deal,” Erwin winked at him. Even though he had not had much time to study, he had tried to pick it up, hoping to impress Levi.

The following dishes came by, not a second between them quiet as they talked about the sport, their passion and memories of watching it growing up – shit talked about some of their competitors as well – and Levi had had much more wine than he had planned.

It came easy though with Erwin, he was such a nice and warm man.

Levi was well aware that his presumptions of Erwin were so wrong. He wasn’t the pretentious nepo child Levi had always thought him to be. 

Most of the restaurant had already cleared out as they got ready to leave, the restaurant closing as they left.

Halfway back to Levi’s hotel, it started to rain, water pouring from the sky. Erwin quickly opened his umbrella, Levi looking for his.

“Shit!” Levi suddenly said.

“What is it?” Erwin turned around at him, worried as he tried to shield him from the rain.

Levi looked so nice, looked so delicate almost. It was a stark contrast to how strong he was in his car, the amazing driver he was – and how rough he could be verbally.

“I forgot my umbrella at the restaurant,” Levi groaned, “It is one of the nice conbini ones I got in Tokyo,”

“Come on, I will walk you to the hotel,” Erwin told him, stretching out his hand for Levi to walk under his umbrella with him.

Erwin walked close as they walked close together under the umbrella. Erwin wanted to put his arm around Levi to pull him closer and shield him from the rain, but worried to intrude on him.  

He was confused, the glances at the restaurant – Levi being so open, so funny and nice to talk to. Yet he seemed to go back into his shell now.

Was confused about his own feelings, feeling like he couldn’t adore a competitor. Not when he was still a contender for the championship. When they both still were.

The rain let off for a second as they passed under the footbridge between the event center and the central station of Montreal. The silence between them no longer being filled with the rain pelting down.

“I think we can walk through the event center, get some respite from the rain?” Erwin offered. Levi nodded, following him inside as they walked through the empty event center.

Levi looked up at Erwin as they walked together, the blonde so handsome.

“Do you need to go far?” Levi wondered. 

“Just up the block,” Erwin answered him as they nearly arrived at Levi’s hotel.

Levi stopped, just out of sight of the hotel, looking at the empty street.

“Thank you Erwin, I had a really nice time,” Levi said, his hand touching Erwin’s for a second. Erwin looked at the shorter driver, still holding up the umbrella. Levi seemed to linger, Erwin expecting him to walk away.

Yet Levi kept looking up at him with his icy blue eyes.

Silence between them, the only sound around them the rain hitting the umbrella and the streets, Erwin finally moved closer to Levi.

Slowly he moved closer to Levi, waiting for the man to tell him to stop.

The moment never came as their lips touched, Erwin pulling him closer as they kissed. It was a gentle kiss, taking a few seconds. Their lips touched, pressing together for a perfect moment.

Pulling away, he studies Levi’s face. It was clear that he was just as confused as Erwin felt, how conflicted.

“Sorry… I…” Erwin stammered, feeling lost now.

Pushing the umbrella’s in Levi’s hands, he started to walk back to his hotel through the rain.

Laying on his bed, his hair still damp from the falling rain as he made his way back to the hotel, Erwin curled up on his bed.

Why? Why was he falling for his competitor? Why was he falling for a man he shouldn’t be falling for.

Levi could easily be the reason he would still not be a champion at the end of this year. It wouldn’t be his team, it would be him being his own saboteur, making a fool of himself again and still not becoming a champion.

Only because he became enamored with some guy. 

Ruining his own life, only because he couldn’t get Levi Ackerman out of his head. 

Île Notre-Dame | 22nd of May | 07:01 local time 

Levi had Erwin on his mind as they crossed the Pont Jacques-Cartier. Beside the cars being guided in by the security were hordes of fans making their way to the track as well. Levi was scrolling his phone, not minding the chaos outside of the car next to him on the bridge. It was a traffic jam as well, every car dropping off at the circuit checked even outside of their badges.

Besides that, between the team cars were plenty of cars belonging to the rich and the famous who watched the race from the paddock as they all drove to the Casino. It stung sometimes, knowing his background. People were paying top dollar for a sport they did not even know, when Levi couldn’t afford to bring Kenny or his family over.

He couldn’t even tell he was able to afford his seat next year.

The lines of fans walking the bridge, walking kilometers to even get to their spot on track. He wanted to give them  a good show today.

“Heard Erwin Smith is reaching the paddock by boat, like the rest of his team,” Isabel teased him.

“What a twat,” Levi just mumbled, looking out of the window at the lines and lines of fans trying to reach the track in time for qualifying.

“Why are you bringing up Erwin Smith?” he asked after a few seconds.

“Just thought it was funny Levi,” Isabel threw up her hands, “Apparently your front-jackman spoke to him in the paddock yesterday and they both complained about traffic,”

“….should I rent a boat for them?” Levi frowned.

“Do you have boat money?”

“The team might,” Levi deadpanned.

“I like driving with you,” Isabel teased him as she poked his side. Furlan looked back from his seat at the front, next to the driver.

“Can you stop winding him up, Isabel? Need his head clear for qualifying.”

Isabel immediately shut up, mortified as the boy she was falling in love with told her off.

“Hey – how about you two go to that restaurant tonight you told me about Isabel?” Levi tried to help her out.

“Sure, It has really nice reviews, Furlan. It’s a really nice place with an outside dining area in the old part of to-”

“I have to run simulations tonight after qualifying,” the level headed Slovenian told her, not looking back. Isabel looked even more mortified now.

“But how about Monday night? We can debrief the race?” Furlan offered as he did look back at Isabel. She nodded eagerly, Levi glad to see her smile as she looked so happy now.

Circuit Gilles Villenueve  | 22 th of May | 14:58 local time 

Qualification came around, Erwin jumping into the car.  Q1 and Q2 flew by, easy to get through. Miche was close to him, but not close enough. 

Canada was one of Erwin’s favorites, he loved this track. 

Levi Ackerman tested him, but he made it over the line the fastest in Q3. Just like he had talked over with Hange, they had taken a little more fuel out, still enough in case he got tested. But the combination of the car, the circuit and less fuel in his car made it work. 

Walking into the pits, Levi came his way. 

“Congrats on pole,” Levi told him as they stopped. Erwin was still smiling, thanking him. 

The paddock was still bustling, Levi not sure what to say or do. After their kiss after the dinner it was weird. 

Erwin winked at him, walking between the motorhomes. Waiting around, Levi was not sure what to do. When the coast seemed clear, he finally followed Erwin, hidden between the motorhomes and stacks of tires. 

Hidden behind the enormous stack of tires, Erwin pressed Levi against the wall, his hands cupping his face as he kissed him.

Pulling back, he looked at Levi, unsure if he had gone too far.

Instead Levi pulled him closer again by the neck of his racing suit, kissing him again. Panting as both of them were still exhausted from qualifying, Erwin panted as he wiped some of the bangs from Levi’s forehead, stuck there from his helmet.

Levi looked away now, nervous for anyone to find them.

“We can never do this again,” Levi didn’t dare to look at him.

Erwin could only manage a polite nod at Levi, the shorter man quickly diving into his motorhome before anyone could catch them.

Panting as he made his way to the media pen, he walked over to the British delegation of SKY F1 waving him over. 

“Pole for you for tomorrow - how does that feel?” Karun asked him. 

“Electrifying,” he smiled, although he knew that the qualifying was not the only reason for those feelings.

Circuit Gilles Villeneuve  | 23 th of May | 14:40 local time 

Levi had to rush to get to the anthem in time, making it in time. The kid in front of him was almost taller than him and once again he cursed the FIA under his breath for somehow always giving him the tallest kids, looking ridiculously small behind the kid.

The Mounties stood with the flag, the Snowbirds flying over for a fly by at the end of the anthem.

Glaring over at the lineup, he saw Erwin mouth slightly along with the anthem, even though it was the French version.

Fucking try hard.

Yet Levi could not look away, only when he realized he was staring he finally did. Erwin looked so beautiful in his race suit, the Survey Corps racing team being one with a long legacy.

Levi’s team was relatively new, boasted by a software company named Underground, they had only been on the field for a few years in its current incarnation.

As the anthem finished, he zipped up his race suit, avoiding all the journalists and camera’s to get back to his pit box.

He knew he only had a few minutes to use the bathroom, having to head to his car then.

Erwin ran by him as well, his pit box further away.

Levi swore he felt his hand brush past his as he did so.

Erwin got away from the line well in the race, leading the race as he got away from his pole position. Leading the race for several laps, he was eventually called into the pits for a pit stop. 

Leaving the pit straight, he was surprised to see Levi’s black car rush off, clearly having undercut him. 

Cursing, Hange tried to calm him down. The race was far from over, a big chance that something could still happen. But Levi was so quick and so calm every time he led the race. Perfect lap after perfect lap and Erwin couldn’t do anything as he raced to his second race win. 

Getting onto the podium, Erwin stood on the second place spot, hoping that he could finally win at his next race, his home race. 

Levi stood proud as the Japanese anthem was played. 

Erwin wanted to be angry and sour. Yet he just thought Levi had driven so well. Sometimes it was easy to forget that Levi was just a rookie. He had kept control all this time, driving perfect lap after perfect lap. 

Grabbing the champagne, Erwin sprayed Miche first, only cause he felt it was an obligation. Immediately after he doused Levi, smiling at him. 

Fuck, he was losing it. He wasn’t even angry with himself for losing. Levi smiling at him took all of that anger away and he hated that. He had been so focused and now it feels that he was losing his mind. 

All because of some guy. 

Getting off the podium, he did his interviews. Picking something up from his motorhome, he continued to Levi’s. 

Erwin took a deep breath, knocking on his door.

Waiting for Levi to open the door, Erwin wasn’t sure if he was going to at all. He did so after a few seconds.

“Congrats on the win,” Erwin told him as he waited in the doorway, not wanting to intrude on Levi.

His stomach was fluttering, Levi had looked so amazing up on the podium, his eyes sparkling as he had sprayed the champagne his way.

“Erwin… we can’t… we can’t keep doing this,” Levi mumbled. 

Erwin wasn’t even thinking about how he had lost to him, so enamored by the man in front of him.

“I brought a gift for your win?”

Levi looked behind him and as nobody walked by, he pulled Erwin inside. Closing the door, Erwin took out his umbrella he had forgotten at the restaurant.

“Picked it up the next day,” Erwin said as he handed it back. Levi took it, surprised by the gesture. It was just a simple umbrella he had picked up in Tokyo at a conbini.

It was not the umbrella, it was the fact that Erwin had spent his precious time getting it for him. Erwin surely could have bought him a million of them, easy. Yet he had taken time out of his day to get his own at the restaurant.  

“It is just an umbrella,” Levi mumbled, not sure if he was worthy of this care and love.

“You seemed to like it,”

“Thank you,” Levi finally managed to say, flashing a smile at Erwin. As soon as Erwin saw the crooked smile all that time was worth it.

Levi was the first to initiate a kiss now, no doubt only because of the adrenaline still surging through his body.

“We can’t do this again,” Levi told him again. Yet he pressed his lips to Erwin’s one more, the blonde slipping his hand into his race suit. Levi was rough as he pressed his lips to Erwin’s, adrenaline still running through his body as he made out with Erwin.

His hand slipped over Levi’s back, the strong shoulders. His small frame, yet so strong.

Race winning strong.

Erwin reached to cup his ass in the race suit, worrying he was going too far, but Levi just moaned, content.

Levi bit his lip for a second, turning his head again to make out with Erwin. Instead they both looked at the door, a knock sounding out as Isabel called for him.

Erwin immediately pulled away, looking mortified. Levi pointed at the window. Helping it open, Erwin snuck out, ducking so Eld could not see him from the next motorhome. Closing the window and the blinds, Levi just managed in time before Isabel entered.

“You look disheveled dude!” Isabel told him, looking at his half undone race suit and his hair a mess.

Levi saw Erwin sneak off behind her, back to his own side of the paddock.

“Just been a rough race,” he mumbled as he took another swig of champagne.

“Your dinner with Furlan is on me!” Levi said as he walked after her for the ice bath.

“Shhhh! Don’t mention it, I am freaking out,” Isabel told him as she held his arm as he sunk down into the ice bath.

“Just be yourself, you are a perfect woman. Just not everybody’s taste,” Levi repeated her earlier advice.

Splashing some of the ice water in his face, she huffed at him.

Not even that helped with the burning feeling of Erwin’s Smith’s lips on his – his hands on his ass.

Chapter Text

Wicken, England | 4th of June | 15:01 local time 

A simple Nissan parked in the long driveway leading to Erwin Smith’s countryside home. Drying his hands as he had just cut up some fruit he had put in a glass carafe with water, knowing his visitor would be here soon.  

The Nissan pulled up next to his Range Rover. The Range Rover dwarfed the Nissan - just as Erwin dwarfed the driver getting out of the car.

Senna followed Erwin as he walked out the front door.

“No fancy Honda?” Erwin greeted Levi. Post Montreal, Erwin and Levi had texted incessantly After learning that Levi was flying in the day before, Erwin had hesitated for a while, before eventually inviting Levi to visit.

“I did get one. I rented this so that I could drive up here without half the world knowing,” Levi explained.

“Hmm,” Erwin said, feigning an unimpressed look as he eyed the car.

“What? This was my first car in Tokyo! It’s nice!” Levi argued.

“Just teasing – you’re adorable when I wind you up,” Erwin told him. Levi looked amazing in his oversized white t-shirt and black jeans. It was so simple, yet it only accentuated his beauty in Erwin’s eyes.

Erwin wasn’t sure if he could kiss Levi, but Levi was the one who initiated. The last time had been in Levi’s motorhome, over a week ago. Given that Levi had gone to Monaco and Erwin had gone home to England, they had not seen each other since Canada.

The texting had helped with the longing though, and Erwin had even called him one night to catch up.

Levi had been nervous talking on the phone, but it had been comforting to talk to Erwin. They had talked for almost an hour and only hung up because Isabel had turned up at Levi’s apartment.

“Couldn’t wait to see me, huh,” Levi told him as their kiss ended, looking in each other’s eyes.

“Senna really wanted some more attention from you,” Erwin joked as the dog paced around them.

“Sure, blame the dog,” Levi said as he pet Senna. Erwin grabbed the leash as they got ready to go into the countryside with Senna.

It was nice, with the sun shining, and Levi walked close to Erwin as they made their way through the large garden around his house, toward a gate.

“The rest of the land belongs to the farm up there, but we can walk on it,” Erwin said, putting Senna on the leash as they walked along the path by the field. 

Levi brushed his hand past Erwin’s, and Erwin took it. Walking together, Levi wished this moment could last forever.

He didn’t have to worry about F1, about his father and about people finding out he was gay - and quickly falling for his competitor.

In this moment he could just be and walk with the one person that made him feel at ease being himself when it came to Formula One. His mother always made him feel at ease being himself, in any situation, but she couldn’t imagine the stress of racing in Formula One. Isabel always made him feel at ease, but she had no clue about how much he struggled with his sexuality sometimes. 

Erwin understood both - quickly becoming just as significant as the people he loved most. 

The countryside was calming and beautiful, so different from what Levi was used to. It was so different from the bustling streets of Tokyo. 

Levi picked up the gate as they got through, with Senna running over the open field in front of them. Erwin squeezed his hand as they kept on walking.

“We can’t keep doing this.” Levi murmured as he exhaled.

“You keep saying that, and yet, you came today,” Erwin pointed out, as they paused for a moment for Erwin to take Senna's leash off. The dog eagerly ran off into the open field. It was nice to watch him enjoy the open space. Levi noticed Erwin smiling as he watched his furry best friend. 

"You two are very close, huh?" Levi said, smiling too as he watched Erwin and Senna.

“Yeah, he has been with me for ten years already, he is getting pretty old,” Erwin nodded. Levi noticed how worry settled into Erwin’s expression and understood all too well how hard it was to think about the end.

Levi yawned deeply. 

“Sorry, not bored, just didn’t sleep well,” Levi admitted.In truth, he seldom did.  

“Something wrong?” 

“This,” Levi admitted, looking away from Erwin.

“What?”

“Falling for you and not only that… but doing so with a competitor. Ruining my career, maybe,” Levi explained, but didn’t dare to look at Erwin. He knew looking at the blonde would only make him doubt everything again.

“What are you scared of?” Erwin asked, gently.

“I’m scared this is going to mess up my decision making and that I am going to fuck up my career,” Levi admitted, clearly not comfortable talking about this.

Before Erwin could soothe his worries, Senna came running back to them, clearly ready to go back home. The elderly dog still enjoyed running around, but tired significantly more quickly now. 

The walk back to Erwin’s house was quiet. Erwin was still mulling over what Levi had just said.

“As much as I like you, I will still beat you in every race. I need to,” Erwin eventually answered.

“You want to be a world champion because it will stroke your ego. I need to be a world champion because I need the money. We are not the same,” Levi said bluntly.

“Ouch-”

“Sorry, I just - ”

“I get it, but I had to fight hard to get here too. I’m just more established now. You will get there too. No matter if you become a champion or not,” Erwin assured him. As they returned to his property, Erwin let Senna off the leash, and they made their way inside.

The kitchen was nice, homely. Levi settled at the breakfast bar, Erwin pouring boiling water in mugs for them from his fancy tap.

“Wanna check out all the different types of tea I have?” Erwin offered.

Levi didn’t need to be told twice. He looked at the wide selection, picking out one of the flavors and dropping the tea bag in the mug. While the tea steeped, Erwin wrapped his arms around Levi, pressing kisses to his neck.

It wasn’t enough for Erwin. He set the mug aside, pulling Levi closer as he wrapped his broad arms tightly around him and continued kissing his neck.

Levi turned around, and their lips met. His arms went around Erwin’s neck, and he was surprised to feel Erwin’s big strong hands go on his hips.

“Stay for dinner?” Erwin asked as he lifted Levi onto the counter, kissing him before Levi could answer.

“No private chef?” Levi huffed when they broke their kiss. 

“How filthy rich do you think I am,” Erwin chuckled.

“As if your team wouldn’t pay for it,” Levi pointed out.

“I like making food,” Erwin told him.

“Hmmm… do I need to worry that you are going to poison me so you can get ahead in the world championship?” Levi teased him a little, and Erwin answered by kissing him again. Right now, he didn’t care about the world championship.

Not while Levi was sitting right in front of him, in his home, looking so gorgeous.

Erwin and him sat down with the tea, Erwin not being able to look away, almost not wanting to keep his hands off him. Sitting at the breakfast bar, he took his hand again, kissing him on his cheek.

“Are you hungry?”

“No,”

“Sure?” Erwin asked, as it felt as though Levi was just being polite.

“A little,” Levi admitted.

“Need the recipe to send to your trainer?” Erwin asked as he put a towel over his shoulder, grabbing the pots and pans he wanted to use.

“Nah,” Levi shook his head, already having told Isabel that he was probably eating away from her and the hotel. He hadn’t told her why, and she had let it go.

Levi couldn’t look away as Erwin cooked. Erwin made it look so easy as he almost seemed to dance around the kitchen. He was nimble with his knives, chopping up the vegetables with ease. Levi joined him to help cook the shrimp, Erwin straining the pasta. 

Finishing the sauce with the shrimp before he put the pasta back in, Levi tried not to blush as he looked at Erwin tossing the pasta and the sauce together, his muscled arms looking even better than the food. 

Levi held their cutlery as Erwin followed with the plates. 

Erwin pointed at the table looking out over his backyard. Levi opened the door, Erwin putting the plates down. 

Digging into the food, Levi poured some more of the fruit infused water Erwin had put out for them. The food was incredibly delicious, and Erwin was being such a great host to him. Senna laid by the table as well, but got up to bring Levi his favorite tennis ball.

Watching Levi smile as he tossed the ball into the garden, with Senna chasing after it, Erwin was certain it was one of the most heartwarming sights he’d ever seen.

Levi chuckled as Senna immediately ran back to him with the ball, throwing it in his lap again.

“You’ve done it now,” Erwin warned him.

Levi grabbed the ball again. Getting up from the chair, he took a few seconds, holding the ball with two hands against his chest. Swinging his leg up then, he easily pitched the ball over great distance.

“I think you threw it all the way back to London,” Erwin said in awe as they watched the ball disappear into the distance.

“I played baseball in high school,” Levi shrugged. Senna chased the ball for half the distance, before giving up and making his way back to Erwin.

“Show off,” Erwin teased him.

“My stepdad had at least some hope I would be the next Shohei Ohtani,” Levi chuckled as he sat down. Erwin was still so impressed by Levi’s throw. Sometimes, Levi’s small stature made him forget how strong the man really was.

Especially on track, where he was only still a rookie as well.

They sat outside a while longer, talking, when Erwin noticed Levi shivering as the evening grew colder. He went inside to grab a sweater and only realized it had his team’s logo on it as he handed it over.

“You are just doing this to bully me,” Levi complained, even as he slipped the sweater over his head.

“Sorry – I can grab another one,”

“It’s fine,” Levi assured him, the sweater was comfy and warm. They settled on the edge of the veranda where they had had dinner, Erwin his arm around Levias they watched the sun set over the countryside.

“I should head back soon,” Levi told Erwin as he took off the sweater, intending to hand it back.

“Please, I don’t want you to be cold. I can grab you one without the logo,” Erwin assured him.

“It’s okay,”

“Give it back in Monaco?” Erwin asked, not wanting to risk it at the track.

Levi promised him he would, gathering his things to leave.

Erwin walked with him to his car on the driveway.

“Erwin?”

“Yeah?”

“I know I keep saying this, but we can’t do this. We can’t do this on race weekends. I want… I want to be with you – but we can’t be together when we are racing or on track,” Levi didn’t dare turn around.

“Okay,” Erwin told him, worried as Levi kept facing away from him.

“No more secret kisses on track. We are racers and I – someday I am going to need to beat you. It’s a horrible idea,” Levi added.

“That’s fine,” Erwin agreed. He knew that he would have to beat Levi as well, no matter how much he adored him now.

Levi turned around, looking insecure.

Erwin had no idea how terrified Levi was of never seeing him like this again, or that he was feeling a connection like that for the first time in his life.

“Can I hold your hands for a second?” Erwin asked with  a soothing smile.

Levi reached his hands out, and Erwin caressed the backs of his hands with his thumbs as he took them.

“Anything to make you feel comfortable is fine with me,”

“So no love on the racetrack. We don’t even need to speak there… and I will see you after the race weekend?”

“That sounds good to me,” Erwin nodded, not wanting to force Levi into anything, as much as he had enjoyed their kiss at the track before.

“You sure?”

“Yeah,” Erwin assured him, kissing and holding him for a little while longer, before Levi got in his car.

“See you in Monaco – the Levi I adore,” Erwin told him. Kissing him once more, he closed the car door.

Waving as Levi drove away, Erwin already looked forward to Monaco.

Silverstone Circuit | 6th of June | 16:21 local time 

Senna walked along with him to the press pen on Friday at Silverstone. The second free practice had finished and Erwin came for his interview. 

The journalists had requested him to take Senna and he was more than happy to oblige. Erwin was glad they all loved his dog so much, it made all of the interviews easier for him.

Erwin had been asked to bring him to the F1 TV team after finishing in the press pen as the crew wanted to film a video with Senna for F1 kids. Erwin had agreed to it. Even though Senna was getting older, he still seemed to relish in all the attention.

“He has his own security card, that’s amazing!” the pundit laughed as she noticed the card on his collar.

“Sure, he has to be on his best behavior,” Erwin chuckled as he let go of the line a little so Senna could approach the pundit. Instead, Senna turned to the left, where Levi was giving an interview. Levi jumped as Senna suddenly rubbed against his leg, the Japanese media team swooning over the dog.

“He seems to like Ackerman a lot,” the British pundit laughed, as Levi tried to ignore the dog. Senna kept rubbing against his leg, adamentally asking for the pets he had enjoyed so much a few days before. Levi was not sure what to do. As much as he wanted to pet the dog, he worried that it would give away the relationship between Erwin and himself.

He couldn't, though. He simply couldn’t ignore the dog and soon he was crouched down, petting Senna just like he had when he had been at Erwin’s house earlier this week.

Erwin didn’t dare to look at Levi, pulling Senna a little closer.

“Come on superstar,” he told Senna, trying to hide the blush that had bloomed on his face from watching Levi smile as he held Senna again. 

Silverstone Circuit | 7th of June | 15:00 local time 

Qualifying was driven on an uncharacteristically sunny Silverstone.

Erwin felt his heart race as the engine of his car roared to life. He trusted that he could win, he knew that he could get pole. It was his best circuit, his home circuit.

The stands were full of fans cheering for him, judging by/going by the number of union jacks that he saw in the corner of his eyes as he drove.

His parents were in the garage as well, standing there proudly as they looked at his achievements all weekend, Senna with them. 

Silverstone was his favorite, his pride. He hadn’t won in Canada, one of his other favorite tracks.

He had to win here.

Q1 went by easily, Erwin setting the fastest time.

Q2 was no big task to get through either, although Miche set an even better time. Erwin didn’t care, he knew that there were still laps left to set an even better time. This was his weekend, this was where he had to win so that he could take the lead in the championship. He had to do it here. He wanted to do it here.

Getting ready for Q3, Erwin got cut off by Levi as he tried to get out of the pits first. Levi drove in front of him now, giving him both dirty air and a tow in different places.

Going through Maggots and Becketts, Erwin found extra pace in trying to chase Levi.

He set the fastest lap, while Levi fell fifth behind Kirschstein. Diving back into the pits, he spoke with Hange, trying to see where he could improve even more. Miche was getting closer, in the hunt for pole as well. Miche was just as close to leading the championship as Erwin was.

Erwin went out again, trying to get even more speed on the Hangar straight and brake even later in Stowe. Making his way through Club Corner, he made the last bend to pit straight.

After improving his previous lap time, he waited to hear how Miche had performed, and was absolutely delighted when Hange announced that he had taken the pole position. Doing a second cool down lap to wave at the fans, he knew this was going to be his weekend.

Waving at the bustling stands full of fans, his day got even better as he made his way inside the garage and his parents were there to hug him.

He wanted to win every race, but winning here at home and with his family around was even more special.

Sorry Levi… but this time he was absolutely going to beat him.

  Silverstone Circuit | 7th of June | 17:02 local time 

“Do you think your hot headedness cost you pole position?” SkyTV F1 asked him, clearly pointing at him, nearly cutting Erwin off getting out of the pits.

“I didn’t try to cut him off, we just got sent out at the same time,” Levi pointed out.

“It seems you struggle in qualifying sometimes, were you expecting to get pole after your win last week?”

“Each circuit is different,” Levi answered tersely, struggling to stay civil. He was so mortified already and the questions were only making it worse.

Levi had been feeling that he was binning his qualifications constantly - even if the numbers did not reflect that.

Those thoughts became so bad that he had barely slept last night. Finishing up his interview, he made his way to his motorhome. Isabel was waiting for him, knowing that he was mentally struggling. She had seen how frustrated he was getting out of the car.

Levi threw his helmet through the motorhome. It left a dent in the wall before clattering to the floor.

“Fifth is nothing to be ashamed of!” Isabel told him.

“It’s shit! I need pole!” Levi snapped back.

“Levi, you’re still a rookie. Don’t be so hard on yourself,” Isabel tried to tell him.

“You heard what they said about me in the media and they are not wrong!” Levi told her. Isabel was surprised by his level of frustration and anger. Fifth in qualifying was nothing to scoff at.

“Levi, you are being ridiculous. I know you ask a lot of yourself but you are a rookie. It’s your seventh race. Fifth is fine,” she told him. Maybe doing so well was putting too much pressure on him now.

He finally seemed to calm down though, Isabel giving him some water.

“Media said again how much of a hothead I am and that I am going to keep binning it,”

“You are only proving that to them if you keep being this angry,” Isabel told him. Levi nodded. He knew she was right, but it didn’t make the bad feeling he had about himself any better.

Sitting down, they looked up as they heard loud cheering in the distance.

“Erwin Smith is giving an interview in the fan zone,” Isabel told him.

Levi had been asked for the signing session, but had managed to avoid them thus far. He knew that it would be his turn in Japan though.

“Wanna go to the hotel?” Isabel offered, and Levi did not need to be asked twice.

He got into the car to go to his hotel in Milton Keynes. Isabel could feel that something was bothering him, but didn’t dare to ask about it. All she could do was talk his head straight again before tomorrow.

“I’ll give you some downtime. See you in an hour, okay?” She told him when they arrived at the hotel. Levi walked up to his room. He was still cursing himself, thinking that he was such a fool for binning it again – he hadn’t even really binned it. He was fifth. But it felt disappointing with how well he had been doing, especially with the win in the last race.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, he slipped the team jersey off, sweaty and tired.

As he flopped back, his phone started to ring.

It was his mother, he hesitated for a second as he worried his emotions would take over, especially after the interview.  

He took the call though.

“I’m alright mom,” he told her. All he wanted was to be with her, get a hug.

And hear anything except that he was a stupid hothead that kept binning it. 

Silverstone Circuit | 8th of June | 15:00 local time 

The pit wall of Underground racing was one of the more chaotic of the grid. With them being a relatively new team – and Isabel pacing around Furlan, it was always chaotic.

Except for Furlan. He was quiet as he concentrated.

Furlan counted down the start lights as the race was about to start, listening to the beeps nearby as the lights lit up. Even with his headset, the roaring of the cars in front of him were loud.

Running the simulations last night, he told Levi to stick to the outside line, get through unscathed and speed up towards Copse. He had left speed there, but he could make it up.

Isabel was pacing around behind and if it wasn’t for him getting more and more attached to her, she would have driven him up the wall.

Levi was good at starts, yet this time he got away badly, getting stuck in the crowd as they made their way to Copse.

In the corner of his eyes on the broadcast, he saw Levi hit the wheel of one of the other cars. His car launched into the air, the camera missing the angle to see what happened – Levi flying off at high speed

“It looks like one of the Underground racing cards just got launched into the wall at Copse!” Crofty was so loud Furlan had to turn the sound down in his earpiece.

“Was that Eld Jinn?” Martin Brundle asked out loud, clearly not having seen the incident either.

“No, I think it was Levi Ackerman – red flag, the race has been red flagged,” Crofty shouted.

The broadcast didn’t replay the crash, Furlan looking around, hoping the medical car immediately rushed towards Levi’s stricken car.

“Levi, can you confirm you are okay?” Furlan asked on the radio. They waited, but no answer came.

“Is it bad?” Furlan looked at the data analyst beside him, although the crash was not being shown and the medical car deployed told him enough.

“Nearly 90Gs,” the data analyst’s voice shook as they answered in disbelief.

“Oof, that looks like a horrible crash Martin,”

“Yeah, let’s hope Levi Ackerman is okay,”

Looking back at the rest of the team, everybody seemed just as shell shocked as they looked at the screens, the broadcast only showing the cars making it back into the pit lane as the race was red flagged.

Silence fell over the pitlane and that was never a good thing. 

His heart racing, Furlan tried the radio again.

“Levi, are you okay?”

Behind him, Isabel stood close to him, trying to get a sign of life as well.

“Levi? Levi! Levi, fucking answer me!” Furlan shouted into the radio. He knew that it would not change things, but he hoped it would. He needed it to. 

“Fucking asshole, answer me!” Furlan desperately screamed over the radio again, tears burning in his eyes. The team looked at him, equally shell shocked. Not only was the silence from the car scary, Furlan losing his composure was equally foreign to them.

Some crackling sound came on in his headset and although no clear answer came from Levi, he heard a horrible grunt and groan. His breathing was ragged, unstable. Quiet, then a horrible rattle.

Taking a deep breath, Furlan tried to get a hold of himself again.

“We are getting you out Levi.” 

There was no acknowledgement, instead only noise he could not decipher.

“Your car is upside down between the catch fence and the tires, just hang on, rescue is on the way,” Furlan could make out from the images he was shown on somebody’s phone, live streaming from the stands by Copse.

“They need to stop streaming, what if he….you know,” Isabel choked on some tears. Furlan took another deep breath, trying to stay calm.

“You’re gonna be fine Levi,” Furlan kept talking on the radio, not sure if Levi could hear him but hoping to bring him some comfort if he could.

One eye on the livestream of the phone somebody handed him and Isabel, he felt relief as he saw the medical personnel and rescue team arrive, blocking the stream with blankets as they moved to the wreck of Levi’s car.  

“Rescue is with him,” Furlan told the rest of the pit wall, listening through the muffled sounds of Levi’s microphone.

“Isabel, get on the phone with his parents now, keep them up to date!” the team boss ordered her. She nodded, already running to the medical center where Levi would no doubt be taken.

Silverstone Circuit | 8th of June | 15:02 local time 

“Erwin, red flag. Red flag. Back to the pits,” Hange told him on the radio, although Erwin had already seen the red flashing signs. Looking in his mirrors, he could not figure out which car was missing.

Erwin jumped out of the car, unsure as to why the race had been red flagged. As soon as he felt the quiet and tension in the whole pitlane, he knew it was bad.

“What happened?” he asked as Hange walked with him to the pit box, giving the mechanics some space.

“Levi Ackerman hit the wall at Copse” Hange told him as Erwin pulled the balaklava from his head.

“Is it bad?”

“It is not looking good Erwin, they haven’t shown the crash. Apparently rescue is still working to get him out,” Hange told him, ‘the team seems pretty stressed,’

Erwin excused himself to go to his mother.

The broadcast finally showed the scene of the crash. Levi wasn’t visible, loaded into the ambulance on track but his car was shown now, smashed into the barriers, upside down between the catch fence and the tire wall.

“We just got told Levi Ackerman is taken to the medical center – no statement has been given about his condition - there will be no replays of his accident until we find out how he is doing,” Martin Brundle could be heard on the broadcast.

Erwin felt his mother squeeze his shoulder, knowing that he was worried about his fellow driver no doubt. In all the years she had followed F1 because of him, she had never seen a crash like this before. 

Neither had Erwin. 

Her squeezing only made her more nervous, Erwin getting up. He thought of walking down to his team, hearing what had happened. He could excuse himself, could tell them it was because he was head of the drivers association - just had to hear how he was doing. 

Behind his garage, he paced around, Hange soon joining him. 

“Can you stop pacing around? You are freaking everybody out?” Hange told Erwin. Erwin just went back to his motorhome, sitting down on the stairs leading inside.

Senna sat between his legs, Erwin kissing him between his ears as he looked at the screen again. Levi’s car was being lifted away by the crane, the marshals working to repair the barrier on the screen.

Erwin got up as he heard a helicopter start up, and saw the medical helicopter take off from the end of the paddock. His stomach sunk, realizing that if Levi wasn’t in an ambulance, it was an emergency flight to the hospital.

In all his years of driving in F1, he had never seen anybody airlifted away after a crash. 

His head in his hands, he tried to calm down.

“Are you okay? Your parents are worried, go see them in the garage?” Hange said as they crouched down by him.

Erwin finally looked up from his hands, his face distraught.

“Me and Levi. We… we have been….  I like him…” Erwin finally admitted to Hange. They hugged him. Erwin had no doubt that Hange thought he was a fool for this, but it was too late to deny his feelings now.

The hug was nice, comforted him a little as his mind was spiraling, thinking about how he might lose Levi.

“You are not mad?” Erwin asked in disbelief.

“It is fucking stupid Erwin, you are competitors. Do I need to point out that you are even main competitors? You have almost the same number of points!” Hange pointed out.

“I know,” Erwin mumbled, looking away.

At this point it didn’t matter, Hange was well aware. With Levi being airlifted to hospital in unknown condition, the secret relationship didn’t seem to matter.

“Come on, let’s go back to the garage, your parents are there,” Hange told him, walking with him to the pit box. Standing by his parents, he grabbed a small stool to sit down on. Senna came to ask for attention, having stayed with his parents.

Erwin only looked up as there was an interview with Levi’s team boss. 

“Is Levi Ackerman okay?”

“That remains to be seen. He is on his way to the hospital and they will be able to determine his status,” The team clearly didn’t want to give a full answer.

“But he was taken by helicopter? Is he conscious, has he said anything?” Crofty pressed.

“He was stable,” was all the team boss had to say. Erwin’s stomach sank, realising that the team boss could not even say if Levi was conscious.

In all his years racing, he had never seen a crash like this. 

His legs were shaking, his feet bouncing up and down the ground.

“He is going to be okay, Erwin,” his mother assured him. She thought it was so kind how much Erwin cared about his fellow drivers. She had been so proud of him as well that he had become the head of the driver’s association – and listened to his complaints when Erwin told her that he always wished them good morning in the group chat he had made, but never got a good morning back.

“He’s so young, mum… he’s just a rookie. And his family is so far away as well,” Erwin mumbled to his mother, his mum squeezing his shoulder.

Levi was so small as well, so delicate… fragile almost.

Noticing the camera crew was filming him, he got up, walking to the back of the paddock where he couldn’t be filmed, his hands over his eyes as he felt he was so close to crying.

“Erwin Smith clearly upset about the crash,” Crofty commented as they saw him disappear.

“Yeah, he does really care about his fellow drivers. He really puts in so much work as head of the Drivers Association. Just a very sound man all around – pleasure to talk to and a valuable person to all the drivers,” Martin added to that.

Erwin closed the door to his motorhome, which was immediately opened by Hange again.

He expected them to tell them again what an idiot he was for falling in love with a competitor. Instead Hange just held him.

“Restart time in 30 minutes!” One of the team members yelled from in front of the door.

‘Show must go on, superstar,’ Hange told Erwin as they laid their hand on his shoulder for a second. Nervous, Erwin glanced up at the monitors in the hopes there was an update on Levi, but the only news on the screen was their new starting time in half an hour.

Erwin noticed the wreck of Levi’s car was towed into the garage of his team. The car was in shambles, almost anything but the pod broken off and the paint barely visible under the scratches. The mechanics covered it up with screens, and the team boss disappeared inside as well.

It was the worst Erwin had ever seen a car after a crash in his Formula One career. Hange caught him looking at the wreck, worried he would spiral even worse. 

It was hard to see for them, but they couldn’t even imagine the turmoil Erwin had to feel. Even though they still thought he was a fool for falling for a competitor, that didn’t matter at this moment. 

Jumping up to run to the stewards, he dragged Hange along with him.

‘As head of the drivers association, I object to starting before we get any word on Levi Ackerman,’ Erwin blurted out as he burst the door open. The stewards looked up from their screens, surprised.

“What’s his status?” Erwin strictly asked them, the stewards clearly surprised as he was always so calm and friendly usually.

“They loaded him into the ambulance to the medical center, got checked out there and they stabilized him for the flight. Just got taken via helicopter to Milton Keynes University Hospital - the medical helicopter is on the way back,” one of the stewards told him.

“So it’s serious?” Erwin deduced, drivers only being flown to the hospital if the medical center couldn’t handle it. Even then the helicopter was only used in emergencies, ambulances on standby as well.

“Too early to tell Erwin. But once the medical helicopter returns we need to get this show back on the road,”

“Was he conscious when they got him out of the car?” Erwin angrily asked.

“I don’t know the details yet, Erwin.” The steward answered.

“It is part of the sport Erwin, you should know better than anyone else. Race wasn’t canceled when Senna died. Or when Grosjean crashed. We are getting this show back on the road.”

Erwin didn’t agree, wanting to argue but the steward gave him a sympathetic smile.

“For now we need to restart the race, Erwin. What do you think Ackerman would want?”

“He would want us to race,” Erwin nodded. As much as it hurt, he knew that he had to agree to that. He couldn’t even keep blaming the stewards, knew that his own feelings for Levi were to blame for his stress as well.

Finally nodding, he left the room. He knew he should apologize, but he felt too overwhelmed to do so.

“20 minutes till the restart” Hange said the obvious, walking by Erwin. There was plenty to be said, but Hange did not have the right words to say until they were nearly back at his pit box.

“Breathe in, breathe out. He is going to be okay, and so are you. Now go out there and make your fans and Ackerman proud,” Hange put their fist against his chest. Erwin finally nodded, looking at the countdown for the restart.

Chapter Text

Silverstone Circuit | 8th of June | 15:56 local time 

Erwin was still fuming as he got into his car. The race was about to restart. All the drivers were getting into their cars and getting ready to drive to the grid to redo the start. Hange had tried to talk his head straight, his mother joining in that effort.

While his mother had no idea about the relationship he had with Levi, she could see how important Levi was to him.  

Erwin knew that he shouldn’t blame the stewards - they were just doing their job. He knew most of his anger was only because he felt so helpless about Levi.

“Alright, we are going to see our second start today,” Martin Brundle and Crofty were ready for the restart as well.

“The team just put out a statement that Levi Ackerman is in surgery. We’re all hoping for a successful surgery and recovery.” Crofty gave all the watchers around the world a small update, albeit it gave them all little information.

“Let’s hope to hear more news soon – and that it’s good news,” Martin added. It had been the worst crash both commenters had seen in a long time. When the feed was off for a moment, they had discussed their worries.   

“Yes, I wouldn’t want to be in the stewards shoes. It must be a hard choice for them to restart the race when one of their drivers has just had a horrible crash,”

“Erwin Smith clearly did not agree, given how he stormed into the stewards office,”

The cars went around on their formation lap and lined up. The red lights illuminated one by one. Erwin tried to concentrate, tried to get Levi out his head. 

It was still sunny over Silverstone. Erwin made a good start and almost enjoyed the first laps he made on the track. His thoughts drifted to Levi for a moment and his car hit the gravel, skating across several meters. He rejoined the track unscathed, but Miche had overtook him and was disappearing into the distance. Erwin cursed under his breath. He had to stop thinking of Levi! 

He had to think about himself now, and focus on every lap. Keep his mind on track, bring his full concentration to tackling every corner. He made up for his mistake with a strong race pace and caught up to Miche, but still struggled  to stay in DRS range. 

“Erwin, box this lap. Box. You’ll be pitting before Miche,” Hange radioed him. Erwin wanted to argue, his tires were fine, and they could extend the stint. But he trusted Hange - if Hange thought that he could undercut Miche, then he would undercut Miche.

Following their orders, he went into the pits. Even though it was barely three seconds, it seemed like an eternity before he managed to get away. 

He had to drive like hell now, maybe three laps before Miche would pit and he might be able to overtake him - and win this race. 

Make his family proud. 

Make his fans proud. 

Maybe even make Levi proud - fuck, no, he couldn’t think about Levi! 

Setting two consecutive fastest laps, Erwin sped down the start-finish straight, cutting ahead of Miche right as he exited the pits. 

“Great job,” Hange said over the radio, not wanting to stir the pot with the team any more. Now all he had to do was keep on driving, keep on concentrating… and not think of Levi. 

Ninety minutes after the restart, he drove over the finish in first position.

He had even overtaken Miche in the championship, but it almost meant nothing to him right now. 

Erwin touched the union jack flag he had brought with him in the cockpit and debated with himself, eventually he left it alone. He didn’t want to celebrate when he had no clue if Levi was even alive.

It was the win he had really wanted, but it didn’t feel right to celebrate it now.

He was sure that Hange would have updated him if there was any news, so he figured that Levi was still in surgery. 

Erwin waved as he slowed down on his celebratory in-lap., He wanted to give the fans a good time. They had paid hefty sums to come all the way out here for him. Even with Levi on his mind, he could not disappoint them.

Parking his car in front of the number 1 sign, he ran to his parents waiting by the boarding and jumped into their arms. The mechanics around him thumped his back and helmet, celebrating his win.

A win's a win after all. 

As he got weighed, Miche and Eld were interviewed before him. He took a moment grabbing his stuff and drinking some water before he was ushered over to where Martin Brundle was waiting with the microphone for his interview. 

“Home race winner, you seem to have made a lot of people very happ-”

“I am not celebrating this win until we know what Levi Ackerman’s condition is,” Erwin said, immediately walking away from Martin Brundle.

Seeing the the press and PR people glare daggers at him, he wanted to keep walking away. 

He paused and begrudgingly walked back after a few seconds. His fans in the stands, the reason that he even was an F1 driver – they weren’t to blame for him falling for his competitor.

Besides, Martin Brundle had been nothing but nice and kind to him the last few years.

“Sorry, it’s just been a long day. I’m concerned about Levi Ackerman, it was a very nasty crash,” Erwin excused himself as he got back to the interviewer.

“I think we all are,” Martin Brundle agreed, giving Erwin a second to take a sip of water.

“Let’s hope we get good news about him very soon. You seemed very unhappy that the race was restarted.”

“I know it is part of the sport. But it is something I think is very callous. We don’t even know if Levi Ackerman is okay,” Erwin explained. Martin nodded understanding.

“But you are happy to have won?”

“Yes,” Erwin did smile now, “winning is always nice and especially in front of this amazing home crowd!”

As he waved at the grandstands, they came to life with a roar.

For his fans, he should at least pretend to be happy.

Milton Keynes University Hospital | 8th of June | 17:21 local time

The corridor outside the emergency operating room was empty and cold. Isabel held her head in her hands as she exhaled shakily. Every second that she waited in limbo for any news stretched on like eternity. It had been two hours since Levi had been rushed into surgery, and she knew that it would be many hours more before he would be out, but the wait was pure agony as her worries tormented her. 

Levi was everything to her.

While he had only started out as her employer, he had grown to be her best friend, and the little brother she never had.

The TV on the wall was showing the race on mute. Isabel glanced at it, noticing that the race had finished at the track. She hid her face in her hands again, unable to bear watching any more. 

She remained in that position till she felt a hand between her shoulder blades - Furlan had arrived and was taking the seat beside her.

“Team boss is dropping off the car, should be here any minute,” he sighed. They had rushed here as soon as the Team Boss had been ready to leave. With Eld still battling for a podium, they had waited for the race to finish before leaving. The drive to Milton Keynes had taken them much longer than they had hoped with all the traffic due to the Grand Prix, and it had been nerve wracking to crawl through the traffic with both of them anxious about Levi.

“Fucking asshole promised me we would go in a helicopter sometime, didn’t want it to be the medical one,” Isabel said as she tried to joke to keep from crying, but the words only served to open the flood gate as she started bawling. Furlan moved closer, wrapping his arm around her.

“He is going to be fine.”

“You don’t know that, you didn’t see him,” Isabel snapped. Her hands shook as she thought about how broken Levi had seemed in the helicopter. The blood on his face. How he barely managed to breathe.

Now, on top of being scared, she felt embarrassed as she showed her tears to Furlan. He kept caressing her back nonetheless. 

The minutes ticked by achingly slowly, before finally, a doctor approached them. 

“He’s stable and out of surgery now. He’s being transferred to the ICU as we speak. Overall, the right side of his body took the brunt of the impact, leaving his left relatively unscathed. He has no injuries on his legs either,” the tall female doctor started with the good news as she explained Levi’s condition to the three people huddled together with ashen faces. Furlan still had his hand on Isabel’s back, and he could feel her trembling, the distress the young Australian woman was in obvious.

“Four of his ribs were broken in the crash, but he got lucky. Neither of his lungs collapsed or were punctured.”

“Lucky?” Furlan gaped.

“His fingers – pointer and middle on his right hand - were crushed and he suffered multiple fractures. They’re in bad shape. Usually… usually we would consider amputating, but given his job we tried to save his fingers as best we could. But it is going to take some time to recover functionality and even then it might not be a full recovery,” she explained.

“Oh… Levi,” Isabel mumbled. While she was so relieved to hear he was alive, she knew that he would have a long recovery – and she didn’t even want to think about what it would mean for his career.

“There is a small fracture in his eye socket that should heal on its own. We had to put in some stitches under his eye, but the scarring should be minimal,” The doctor added.

The doctor watched the stunned faces of the three people in front of them processing all the information. It was a lot - the F1 driver was badly injured. While he was stable now, she was well aware that it was going to be a rough recovery with probably lasting problems for his life and career.

“He is strong. Hopefully, we will be able to transfer him to general care tomorrow when he wakes up and if he does well enough,” she added on to give some comfort to  them, the young girl with the red hair who still looked so distressed.

“Can I see him?” Isabel asked tentatively.

“Yes, he is unconscious and still intubated, so it won’t look too great. But he is stable” the doctor warned, knowing that it wouldn't be a pretty sight. 

“Isabel, you go in,” the team boss said.

Wiping the tears from her face, she followed the doctor.

Levi had been put into a private room in the ICU. The curtains were closed, no doubt to keep the media and curious visitors and staff at bay. Isabel was quiet as she approached the bed, even though she knew that he would not wake up, kept asleep through medication.

He looked like hell, his face bruised in various shades of purple, his hand in bandages on the blanket. Calling Levi’s mother, Isabel sat down by the bed.

“I’m with him, not going anywhere, I promise,” she told Kuchel, reaching for his free hand on the blanket. Taking it in hers, it finally hit her that Levi was still with them – and that was all that mattered.

Silverstone Circuit | 8th of June | 19:01 local time 

Erwin was called to the stewards room after the race. It was no surprise to him, given his antics at the interview. Even if he had turned around, he knew that the stewards were unhappy with him. 

Him going into the stewards office had gotten a lot of press as well, bringing the decision of the stewards into question. 

“Gonna punish me?” Erwin scoffed after the stewards had laid it on him. 

“We know you care greatly about your fellow drivers, but you can’t pull stunts like that at the interview,”

“I did the interview,” Erwin argued. 

“You did, but it was clear that you didn’t want to do it at first. We fully understand and sympathize with your concern for your fellow driver, but you do have your obligations to the media and the fans. It’s a warning this time, but don’t pull stunts like this again.”

Erwin resisted rolling his eyes, wanting to get this over with. 

“There has been an update on Levi Ackerman’s condition. He’s out of surgery. He just got out of surgery. He is badly injured, but stable,” the steward closest to him told him. Erwin finally nodded, relieved. Dismissed, he strode out of the office, taking his phone from his pocket. 

Unlocking his phone, he noticed that there were a ton of messages in the driver's chat. The thread was started by a message from Levi’s phone number. It was his PA, informing them that he was out of surgery and stable in the ICU.

Sighing deeply with relief as he sank against his motorhome, he finally dared to take a sip of his champagne.  

Milton Keynes University Hospital | 9th of June | 06:21 local time

In the early morning, the intubation tube was removed, and Levi’s medication dose was lowered to help  him wake up. Isabel and Furlan stayed by his side, filled with worry. 

Isabel had promised his parents that she wouldn’t leave him, and she was determined to keep that promise—especially since Levi’s stepfather was too ill for them to leave Japan.

24 hours after the grand prix had started, Levi awoke into a world of pain.

The painkillers barely took the edge off the pain in his chest, the four cracked ribs hurt him every time he took a breath. His hand ached as well, seeingly on fire every time he moved..The bright fluorescent hospital lights burned his eyes and his head throbbed from the concussion. Nothing made sense, and he groaned in pain, Isabel immediately rushing to his side at the sound and tending to him. Eventually, Isabel managed to decipher Levi’s complaints about the lights and got a towel to cover his eyes, quietly soothing him in her soft voice. 

Isabel called Levi’s mother  before it would be too late in Japan, updating her with the good news that Levi had woken up after his surgery so that Kuchel could at least sleep through the night. What Isabel didn’t say was how much pain he was in, how out of it he seemed.  

Isabel and Furlan spent the night leaning against each other on the couch as they tried to get some shut-eye before the man left for the factory in the morning to give updates on Levi’s condition to the team and grab Levi’s belongings. Isabel stayed with him though, hoping to comfort him. 

He had endured a miserable morning while a respiratory therapist visited him. With his cracked ribs, he struggled to breathe properly or take deep breaths. The therapist guided him through some breathing exercises, concerned about the risk of pneumonia. Levi’s inability to breathe deeply or clear his lungs meant that bacteria could potentially start to fester, especially in his weakened condition. 

Isabel didn’t even want to think about all the gunk that had gotten into his lungs after the crash.

The second night was worse, Levi had to sleep sitting up because the pressure on his ribs had him waking up disoriented every half hour. Isabel had stayed with him through the night, soothing him every time he woke up.

Isabel woke up as Levi groaned, having woken up disoriented again. She reached for his hand and squeezed it assuringly.

“Still in the hospital?” It seemed to have finally sunk in for Levi; he had crashed, and was holed up  in the ICU.

“Yeah, you really did yourself in,” she told him gently, pulling up the blanket and tucking him in. 

“Don’t tell my mom,” Levi suddenly requested, his eyes drooping shut again for a second. 

“Little late for that, your crash was shown around the world,” she told him gently. Levi grimaced for a second, pain lancing through his body. Isabel moved a little closer, seeing his face shift between confusion, worry and sadness.

“What if I can’t race again?” Levi whispered. He suddenly seemed aware, although it was only for a fleeting moment.

“Come to live with me in Australia? We can get a nice house by the beach and drink margaritas all day?” she humored him.

“No, you are too messy to be my roommate,” Levi complained.

“Just go back to sleep, okay?” Isabel hushed him, although she smiled at his remark. She was still holding his hand, Levi dozing off in no time.

Milton Keynes University Hospital | 8th of June | 10:40 local time 

When he woke up hours later, Erwin Smith was standing by the window of his hospital room—now in general care—gazing outside. Levi admired him for a moment, the sunlight highlighting his face, making him look almost regal. Yet, as Levi watched, he noticed a slight twitch in Erwin’s hand, revealing his anxiety.

“Did Make-a-Wish send you? I’m pretty sure I asked for Miche,” Levi croaked, Erwin looking over at him at the sound. Chuckling at his remark, he approached the bed, sitting down one of the stools left by Isabel and Furlan.

It was nice to hear him joke, it soothed  some of the worry that Erwin had felt for the last forty eight hours.

“I get it, you wanted a real Formula One world champion,” Erwin winked.

“What are you doing here?” Levi enquired. The painkillers took away all boundaries and politeness.

“As head of the driver's safety assoc-”

“Horse- fucking- shit,” Levi rolled his eyes.

“I was really worried about you, I wanted to make sure you were not alone. Is your family flying out to see you?” Erwin admitted. He wanted to take Levi’s unbandaged hand…he needed to be closer, needed to feel for himself that Levi was alive.

Finally he gently grasped Levi’s left hand in his own giant ones and squeezed gently. Levi didn’t pull his hand away, instead he squeezed back.

“No,” Levi shook his head. For a second he considered explaining everything - letting Erwin know about what was happening with his stepfather. Instead, he winced in pain, his head throbbed at the slightest movement.

“Can I get you anything?” Erwin asked, his blue eyes full of worry.

Levi asked for some water, and Erwin helped him drink. Looking down at Levi’s bandaged body, he couldn’t phantom how terrifying and painful going through the crash must have been. How scared Levi must have been.

“Broke your hand?”

“My fingers are crushed with multiple fractures. They wanted to amputate initially, so we’re not sure how much function is coming back. Would be the story of my life though, making it into F1 and having to call it quits after a few races,” Levi mumbled, forcing a wry smile on his face.

“Robert Kubica raced with practically one hand,” Erwin tried to cheer him up, but Levi looked away.

“Sorry, that wasn’t the right thing to say,” Erwin groaned as he knew it wouldn’t be any comfort to Levi right now.

“Cracked four ribs, obliterated two fingers and broke my eye socket. Not bad for a first race crash, huh?” Levi mumbled.

Erwin couldn’t laugh at the joke. It had been the worst he had seen on track in his entire F1 career, and he had been terrified for Levi’s life.

“Gonna be okay though,” Levi mumbled, although he didn’t really seem to believe so himself.

For Erwin all that mattered was that Levi was still alive.  

“Are you really okay? I mean… mentally?” Erwin asked gently. He couldn’t imagine having to process almost dying.

“No, I’m just… dunno,” Levi slurred, his eyes becoming more unfocused, Erwin realizing he might be overstaying his welcome.

“Sorry, I’m probably exhausting you,” Erwin said as he got up.

“Erwin?”

The tall blonde turned around, Levi looking up at him.

“Why did you come here?”

“As the head of the drivers-”

“Why did you show up here?” Levi cut him off, asking again for a more truthful answer.

“Because somebody I care about a lot flew into a catch fence at high speed and had one of the worst crashes in the last decade?”

“We can’t do this until Monaco. We promised each other that.” Levi said, his voice growing softer and trailing off as the pain in his chest grew. 

“It’s not a racetrack,” Erwin pointed out.

“Smartass,” Levi mumbled, barely audible.

“Shh. Rest.  -” Erwin made to leave, wanting Levi to rest. 

“Erwin?”

“Hmm?” Erwin hummed as he turned around.

“Kiss?” Levi asked hopefully. 

Erwin obliged, carefully positioning himself so as to not hurt Levi. Looking back to ensure that Isabel and the staff were not around before he finally pressed a gentle kiss to Levi’s lips.

Near Nice Côte d'Azur - Aeroport de Nice | 12th of June | 11:21 local time

Levi flew private to Monaco four days after the British Grand Prix. He was laid out on a stretcher, and received painkillers and more via IV . Isabel held his hand throughout the flight, working with the medic flying with them to keep Levi as comfortable as possible.

The hospital had advised him to stay a few more days out of caution and pain management, but Levi had been adamant and insisted on going home.

Furlan had passed out in one of the seats, exhausted from having been with Levi through the night.  

“Just another half hour,” Isabel told Levi, squeezing his free hand.

As long as Levi laid still, the pain was manageable.

The bandages had been removed that morning, and his fingers were now in a padded but hard splint, aching constantly. Isabel mentioned that his team was already working on modifying his steering wheel, shifting any controls that required those two fingers to other parts of his steering wheel.

The hopeful plan was for him to return to the car at the Austrian Grand Prix in two weeks, or at the latest, the Hungarian Grand Prix.

The team was counting on it; they knew Levi was their best shot at the championship. The sooner he could get back in the car, the better their chances.

Levi couldn’t think about that. All he could think about was how fucking hard it was to breathe right.

Exhausted. Levi felt so exhausted. All he had done was wake up, get changed and leave for the airport. He hadn’t even had to walk, having been pushed the whole way in a wheelchair that was waiting for him next to the stretcher now.

Arriving at the private section of Nice airport, his team had arranged a luxury van to drive him back to his apartment, hoping to keep him as comfortable as possible. Isabel had mentioned an ambulance but Levi had quickly squashed her hopes of keeping him comfortable, refusing to be taken home with an ambulance. 

Isabel knew that the team had already arranged for a bed to be delivered to his apartment, as well as other care supplies.

She just hoped he would be too exhausted to argue about it when they got home. The doctors had recommended that he transfer to the hospital in Monaco, but Levi had refused, insisting on staying at home.

Dressing him this morning had been a big task. Levi could barely move, his body so bruised from the impact.

In his bag, she had found a large sweater from a rival team. It had confused her, but she had stuffed it back in his bag. The last thing she wanted was to make a fuss over something as immaterial as a sweater with Levi right now.

They landed and Levi groaned as Isabel helped him sit up on the stretcher, pain searing through the side of his chest.

“We can take you out on the stretcher,” Isabel tried coaxing him. 

“Fuck that, I can walk,” Levi growled, knowing that there would be press outside.

On the stairs leading down from the plane, Furlan and Isabel had to support Levi - he was in no shape to walk down on his own. But Levi’s stubbornness wouldn’t let him give up. Isabel held him under his arms, while Furlan supported him around his waist.  At the bottom of the stairs, continued to steady him as he tried to walk, but Isabel felt him begin to falter. Quickly, she caught him and scooped him into her arms. Furlan watched in awe as she carried Levi toward the nearby van, just a few meters away, where she finally set him down on the seat.

Levi was in so much pain that he couldn’t even protest as she carried him.

Furlan and Isabel shared a concerned look as they all piled into the van. Slipping in beside him, Isabel was careful as she fastened Levi’s seatbelt. She held him as he fell asleep before they had even left the airport.

“You’re really strong,” Furlan remarked, draping his arm around both of them, hoping to provide Levi with some stability and a sense of safety. He couldn't imagine the pain Levi was in and was relieved to see him dozing off.

“Uh – yeah. I’m a personal trainer, clown.”

Furlan chuckled for a second.

“Touché”

Monaco | 14th of June | 21:28 local time

Erwin laid in his bed withSenna settled on the empty half beside him. Although Erwin had bought a comfortable fluffy dog bed specially for Senna and placed it by his bed, Senna had ignored it and insisted on sleeping with Erwin.Eventually Erwin had given up on lifting Senna from the bed and pet him idly as he stared at the ceiling.

He was sure now that he shared his bedroom wall with Levi’s living room.

The walls weren’t thin, but he could hear the nasty, rattling coughs and staff arriving and leaving at all hours of the day.

He had heard Levi last night, hearing his pained groans.

It made him feel so helpless.

He was going to make a ton of food tomorrow for Levi, for all of his caretakers. Anything to help out. Anything to lessen his struggle. Even if it only made him feel useful – he just wanted to do right by Levi.

Monaco | 14th of June | 21:30 local time

Levi woke up, having fallen asleep after struggling through half a dinner portion.

The TV was on in the background with its volume turned down low. He could just see it from the rented electric bed if he sat up. The mask on his face cut above his nose, providing him with oxygen and making his face itch.

Isabel was asleep on the couch, clearly having fallen asleep while watching TV.

Levi was not sure how he would fare if it wasn’t for Isabel. She stayed with him tirelessly. Each time he woke from the pain, Isabel rushed to his side, trying to help him as much as she could. The only time she left him was to have a shower at her apartment, although Levi had still not had a few hours to himself. Often there was medical personnel that was hired by his team, prodding his body with medication, exercises and taking any and all privacy from him. Trying to help him, but only making it harder to process his near death experience. 

Finally, he had a quiet moment alone to himself. 

Tears welled up in his eyes, this time not from the physical pain, though his body still ached. 

Anxiety tore through his chest as he thought about his career—one that might already be over. A career he had fought so hard for, and that his family had sacrificed so much to make possible.

He couldn’t blame anyone either, it had been just a racing incident. 

He felt so stupid, worrying his family when there was already so much going on. 

He missed his mom. He missed his stepdad.

He just wanted to hug his mother, have her tell him it would be okay. 

Tears streamed down his cheeks as he tried to muffle his sobs, not wanting to wake Isabel.

All he wanted to go back to now was that day in the sunny countryside, to be with Erwin again, before all of this had happened.

When things were complicated, but somehow still felt simpler.

Monaco | 15th of June | 11:21 local time

On his third day home, Isabel finally left him alone for a few hours to run some errands. Besides, Levi spent most of the day sleeping, a result of the heavy painkillers he was still taking.

Yesterday evening, Levi  had done his first physical therapy session together with a therapist. It had hurt so bad, his whole body still battered and bruised. At times he saw stars and nearly passed out from the pain. 

The doorbell rang. 

Levi was not expecting anybody, ignoring as he was resting on the bed. 

His phone chimed, Erwin texting him he would leave food by the door. Levi doubted for a second, but his curiosity and infatuation won as he texted Erwin to come inside. With the parade of medical staff coming and leaving, the door was unlocked. 

Erwin did walk, although slowly and careful. 

Walking to the bed slowly, not wanting to disturb Levi any more than needed, he held up the food. 

“Thought I’d be a good neighbor and bring you some food,” Erwin explained as he held up the casserole. He had used his largest dish, having wanted to make enough for Levi and all the people taking care of him. On the ground next to him was a bag with even more food he had prepared. Some desserts, fruit salads and multiple meals. 

Erwin could only imagine how stressful it was for all of them. So he hoped to help, even if it was only a little, with this small gesture.

“Gotta check with Isabel if I can have it – also I am out of the next race so if you put any laxatives in this it won’t help you,” Levi snarked as he tried to hide his smile, glad to see Erwin. 

“I come in peace,” Erwin chuckled.

“Help me to the couch?”

“Only if it does not hurt you,”

Levi scoffed, not giving him another answer. 

Erwin obliged though, helping him up and walking close as they made the few steps to the couch. 

Levi seemed pretty out of breath from the few steps he had taken and Erwin immediately reached out to help him, putting his arms around Levi and guiding him on to the couch he had almost dreamed of sitting on. Seemed so simple and normal. He almost threw up now though from the pain. So much for finally feeling well enough to leave the bed.

“Let me grab you something to drink,” Levi suddenly seemed to realize, making to get up again.

‘I’ve got you,’ Erwin assured him, gently settling him on the couch again before walking to the kitchen to grab them some drinks.

“Tea?” he asked Levi. Levi nodded after a few seconds and pointed him to his collection. Erwin remembered Levi’s choice during their afternoon in the countryside and chose the same flavor, soon enough returning to Levi with two mugs of steaming hot tea.

As Erwin approached, he noticed mottled bruises covering Levi’s body, with his right leg and arm in the worst condition from what Erwin could see beneath his t-shirt and shorts. They had been hidden beneath his hospital gown and blanket back in Milton Keynes and the sight of the purple discolorations made Erwin’s throat tighten. 

“Yeah, I don’t recommend a 90G crash into a fence,” Levi caught him taking in the bruises. Erwin sat down gingerly, worried that even the weight of him sitting down might hurt Levi’s fragile, broken body.

Seeing the bruises on Levi had refreshed the horror and terror Erwin had felt when he had seen the crash. 

‘I was so worried about you,’ Erwin finally admitted. The words broke the dam within Erwin and suddenly, tears were welling up in his eyes and quickly escaping down his cheeks. 

The flood of tears shocked Levi, and he tried to draw Erwin closer.

“Not going anywhere,” Levi assured him as he wiped the tears from Erwin’s cheeks and stroked his hair, Erwin’s shoulders heaved a few more times, before he seemed to catch himself. The tall blonde’s neck turned pink, embarrassed by his sudden emotional outburst of tears.

“Sorry – I was just.. so scared about losing you at the track.. I”

“Would have made the championship a lot easier for you,” Levi deadpanned.

It felt strange. Even though he knew he had been so close to death, it hadn’t fully processed the fact in his mind. None of it made full sense—his near-death experience, the crash itself, or the possibility that his injuries could end his career and change his life forever. 

The team had offered to send a therapist to see him, but Levi refused. He wasn’t ready to talk about it, or even to face the reality that he had almost died. Yet, small flashes of the accident replayed in his mind—fragmented memories blurred by pain and painkillers.

The agony of struggling to breathe for what seemed like forever.

How the belts cut into his shoulders as he hung upside down, helpless.

He had a vague memory of trying to unclip them, but his hand wouldn’t work. Given his fingers were only held together by his gloves that was no surprise.

The seconds before the accident.

Not much after.

“You okay?” Erwin asked, concerned, having noticed that his gaze had drifted away.

“Yeah,” Levi answered, for lack of any better words. He didn’t even know the answer to the question himself.

“What’s next for you?” Erwin probed gently.

“I am traveling to Austria. Guess my team wants to show I am still alive – not driving though,” Levi told him.

“Are you coming back to the championship?” Erwin finally dared venture asking.

“I’m missing at least 2 races, Spain and Austria. Aiming for Hungary.” Levi admitted, although he knew that it would be a harsh task. Even if he could work something out for his hand with an adjusted steering wheel, the truth of the matter was that he still had the broken ribs to contend with as well.

Erwin was not sure what to say. Given he was Levi’s main competitor it was good for him… but he couldn’t bear to think those selfish thoughts. 

Trying to change the topic, he pointed at the bag. 

“Are you hungry?”

Levi shook his head, the painkillers and the pain had worked together to rob him of his appetite. He had to eat though, he knew that, as much as a chore it was to do so in this state.

“You need to eat,”

“Fine,” Levi groused.

Erwin heated up some of the food he had made for the both of them. Levi maneuvered himself onto the floor between the coffee table and the couch, the couch giving him some much needed support for his back. The dinner table was unavailable for the time being, having been moved to his bedroom to accommodate the hospital bed and equipment.

Erwin settled in beside Levi, gently placing a hand on Levi’s back, concern evident in his touch. He had made a casserole with pasta and finely chopped vegetables, thinking it would be easy for Levi to eat with one hand. Setting the plate and spoon down, he hoped it would be manageable—and that Levi would be okay.

“Isabel not gonna hunt me down for feeding you?”

“I think she will just be glad I’m eating at all,” Levi admitted. He felt clumsy as he grabbed the spoon with his left hand, taking a bite. It was delicious, Erwin showing his skill once again.

Some food fell off the spoon, making Levi feel clumsy as he ate. With the uncertainty surrounding how well his fingers would recover, he realized this might be his new reality..

“It’s delicious, I’m just not hungry. I’m sorry,” Levi said after he had made it through half of his plate. Eating was frustrating and his stomach was churning.

“Don’t be sorry,” Erwin assured him, pecking him on his cheek as he got up.

Erwin put the dishes on the breakfast, putting the leftover food in his fridge. Levi moved back onto the couch, and the two settled together as he switched on a movie. Erwin helped him prepare his medication, and Levi swallowed them with some water. He hoped he could stay awake longer to enjoy this time with Erwin, but he knew the painkillers would make that difficult.

Levi didn’t care about the movie at all. All he could think about was that he was laying here with Erwin. Something that he could only barely dream off the last few days. Erwin was so careful, so gentle as he held him.

He caressed Levi’s hair, kissing against his face every now and then. Levi wanted to reciprocate, but his body hurt too much, and Levi felt much too tired.

A car chase came up, making Erwin frown as they watched the sequence.

“I think we are well qualified to judge this… that is completely and utterly unrealistic,” Erwin stated flatly. Levi chuckled for a second, but the delightful laugh changed into a whimper as his cracked ribs protested the movement.

“Don’t make me laugh, asshole!” Levi groaned.

“Sorry, sorry!” Erwin apologized frantically as he held Levi closer to comfort him.

Nestled into the warmth of Erwin’s body, the painkillers claimed Levi, and he fell asleep against Erwin a few minutes later. Erwin was careful as he lifted Levi up into his arms, surprised by how light he was.

Erwin doubted, he doubted for seconds as he held Levi in his arms. Doubting that he was crossing lines between them. He didn’t know how Levi felt after nearly dying, didn’t know how it impacted his psyche and he didn’t want to push Levi into anything while he was so vulnerable. 

They had only ever had one date three weeks ago, and Levi was still his competitor.

Gently laying him down on the bed, he tucked him in. Making sure his phone was close to him, as well as some water, he sat down on the edge of the bed and watched Levi’s labored breathing.

There was an oxygen machine next to the bed, but Erwin was not sure how to work it. He knew Isabel could be here any moment and while he wanted to leave before she could come in, he would never leave Levi like this. It was clear that he was struggling to breathe.

If it got any worse, he would use Levi’s phone to call her.

Erwin wasn’t sure how long he sat there, gently caressing Levi’s hair as he hoped to bring a modicum of comfort to the sleeping man. As he inspected every inch and blemish on Levi’s face; Erwin was so grateful that Levi was alive.

A key rattled the lock and Erwin only had enough time to look up before the door opened, revealing the woman he recognized to be his personal trainer and PA.

“What the fuck,” Isabel stared at Erwin.

“Sorry, I-”

“That sweater with Survey Corps racing on it that was four sizes too big for him makes more sense now,” she groaned, putting two and two together.

Erwin moved out of the way as she dumped the bags aside and made a beeline for Levi.

“I need you to stay away from him if you are going to harm him,” Isabel snapped as she moved closer to Levi to assess his condition. 

“I’m – I’m not. I don’t –” Erwin stumbled over his words.

“I don’t care about the wins, nor does Levi need them. Levi has too much going on in his life for some playboy to toy with his feelings,” Isabel cut across Erwin.

“No – I didn’t do anything that would harm him… just… brought him some food,” Erwin tried explaining as he moved to help Isabel sit Levi up, but she waved him away. 

“I’m telling you again; he has too much going on to deal with your playboy fucking shit. Leave him alone, he doesn’t need you to make his life any worse!” 

“I don’t care about the championship right now! Okay?! I care about Levi, I care about him as a person!” Erwin exclaimed, desperate for her to listen. 

“Can you two shut the fuck up,” Levi mumbled groggily, roused from his drug induced sleep. His left hand groped about, searching for and grabbing Erwin’s.

Isabel instructed Erwin to reposition the pillows, sitting Levi up although he had already dozed off.

“Is he going to be okay?” Erwin whispered not wanting to wake Levi again, concerned as she pulled an oxygen mask over his face.

“I hope so… short asshole didn’t want to go back to the hospital, so all we can do is try our best here for him at home,” she said as she tried to remember the many things the doctors had told her to do.

With Levi sat up and with the oxygen mask on, Isabel hoped he would finally get a night of sound sleep.

At least her nursing degree which she had done before becoming a personal trainer helped her now.

“He is not alone through the night, right?” Erwin bit his lip, concerned.

“I’m sleeping here,” Isabel answered.

“I can-,”

“No,” she shook her head firmly.

“I wanted to say I live a few doors down. I can help if you need the next few weeks. Just food, or groceries, whatever,” Erwin offered.

“Oh. Thanks – and thank you for having dinner with him,” Isabel blushed now as she pointed at the empty dishes in the kitchen, “Sorry, it has just been so stressful”

“All good.” Erwin nodded, understanding her worries - and he could only begin to imagine the toll taking care of Levi was having on Isabel.

“I’m flying his mother out. I asked the team to reach out to her. I know… I know he worries about money. We can just tell him the drivers association paid,”

“Sorry for going off at you before,” Isabel apologized stiffly, still wary of Erwin Smith. 

“It’s okay, you are about him, you are stressed and I am his main competitor. I get it,” Erwin said, looking back at Levi. Isabel saw Erwin’s adoring gaze now, which put some of her worries at ease.

“I better leave you,” Erwin said after a moment, figuring that Isabel needed to get some sleep as well. He paused for a second, then leaned in to kiss Levi on his forehead. It was so tender, so utterly sweet that Isabel couldn’t be mad with him – and it made it even harder to distrust him.

“Thank you, Erwin,” she finally relented.

“I care about him—and I would never hurt him,” Erwin said, shaking his head and resting his hand on Isabel’s shoulder for a moment as he made the promise. After he left the apartment, Isabel began putting away the groceries, marveling at the stocked fridge. Each item had notes from Erwin, detailing what he had made and the ingredients he’d used. It was the kindness she needed after such a stressful week. She wasn’t as angry with Levi anymore for falling for a competitor, though she still thought he was an idiot for doing so. 

She wouldn’t tell him that until he was better. He had enough going on already. 

Chapter Text

Spain

Monaco City | 17th of June | 10:14 local time

Levi sat in his apartment. An occupational therapist was to come by and work on his hand with him. While his fingers still hurt like hell, he had to get them moving. He was told the longer it took, the stiffer his fingers would get and it could cause him to lose even more function.

Everything had been by his team. His rehabilitation schedule was set up, and every effort made to get him back to racing fitness as soon as possible. All he had to do was follow instructions. Thankfully, Isabel had gotten a copy of the schedule and was determined to make every appointment with him.

The occupational therapist helped get the splint off his hand. Levi finally got a better look at his fingers. He knew that they had wanted to amputate - his fingers were barely recognizable. They were crooked, scarred all over and even getting them out of the splint caused him stomach turning pain.

His breakfast almost came up as a sharp pain took over.

Spots danced in front of his eyes as the therapist moved his fingers, stretching and bending them. Forcing the stiffened tissue to regain their original range of motion and flexibility.

Levi hoped for some reprieve now that the stretching of his fingers was done. However, those hopes were soon dashed as the therapist took a small ball from his bag. 

As he tried to curl his fingers around the ball, the ache went deeper than within his hand and fingers. His whole forearm clenched and his shoulder squeezed too. A sheen of sweat grew on his muscles. His entire body and mind was willing his fingers on but his middle finger would barely move at all, crooked and seemingly only held together by the scars around his fingers, indicated by the red incisions angrily lining his skin.

“Come on Levi,” the therapist coaxed him again. His muscles still refused to obey and Levi felt tears burn in his eyes, both from frustration and pain.

“We will try again in two days. I left some exercises with Isabel to move and stretch your fingers, making sure we get them as functional as possible as soon as possible,” the therapist explained.

Levi tried to be quiet as his hand got put back in the splint, his fingers hurting even worse and he didn’t manage to hold in the last whimper.

“Sorry,” the therapist apologized, although Levi knew he did nothing wrong.

As the therapist left, he didn’t get much rest, Isabel immediately bothering him about eating sometimes. He nodded, although with zero enthusiasm. 

She made sure he ate enough.

“You still need to grow,” she teased him, as she had multiple times. It had at least gotten her some scoffs - but then smiles from Levi 

He didn’t, but she tried to get him to. All the food that Erwin had brought over really helped though. Isabel hadn’t talked about Erwin to Levi yet, although she had made some remarks when he wouldn’t eat Erwin’s food.

She did worry, knew that the muscles in his body needed the fuel to get him back on track. He was dropping weight, his maintenance calories so high as he had to train and work out two times a day.

Plating some of the last food Erwin had brought over for them, she offered him again he could eat on the couch or on the bed. But he shook his head.

Levi had insisted on eating sitting up yesterday, the breakfast bar the only option now that his dining table was moved out for the bed.

She sat close, ready to grab him if he couldn’t manage to sit up anymore.

Levi’s fork circled the plate aimlessly. He took several stabs at his food, but actually eating anything was not on his mind. The painkillers and his battered body were messing with his appetite and taking more than a few bites made his stomach want to hurl. 

Isabel knew that it did not help that Levi was restricted to using his left hand. She could only imagine how much it sucked for him to have to resign to using cutlery so clumsily when he heavily preferred using chopsticks. To go from a mastery of chopsticks to a stabbing monkey.. 

Levi felt his face burn - he didn’t know if it was more from how poorly he was handling the physical pain and misery he was in or if it was more from how much of an asshole he felt for only taking a few bites after Erwin put in so much time and effort into making the meals for his recovery. The guilt from wasting all of that care burned his stomach. 

Isabel managed to grab Levi just as he slid off the seat and  helped him stumble to the sink. She held him as he threw up the few bites he had managed and the breakfast he had had earlier. After emptying his stomach and clearing his throat of the acidic bile, Levi collapsed into Isabel’s arms. 

Isable gently lowered him to the floor and cleaned up his mouth and throat. She knew how hard the whole ordeal had been on Levi, having been by his side since the hospital. Not only was his body battered, he couldn’t even have his usual comfort of keeping fastidiously clean thanks to the vomiting spells and lack of strength to clean up after himself. She worried about his heart and mind too, admiring his strength in toughing out everything his body and the doctors threw at him. It would have been hard on anybody, but Levi barely got time to process what had happened to him as the team was hounding him to return as soon as possible. He had no time to sit and think for a second about what happened as medical staff and therapists kept visiting him.

Had no time to ponder if his career was over. 

She bit her lip. “Gonna be okay?” she asked the obvious as she held his crumpled body in her arms, although she knew he was not okay. But she needed him to be okay, no matter how long it would take.

Levi didn’t respond.

Gently caressing his back until he pulled away, she forced an encouraging smile onto her face.

“You are going to be okay,” she told him again, careful as she held him.

Levi nodded, although he didn’t really seem to believe it.

“Let’s get you to bed,” she murmured while helping him onto his feet. As Levi braced himself and tried to pull himself up, pain exploded all over his body, forcing an involuntary cry of pain from him. It had been over a week and yet, he got more and more sore when he had hoped it would start to get better.

Isabel scooped him up in her arms, carrying him to the bed.

“I can walk,” Levi insisted weakly to no avail Isabel wasn’t taking any chances, knowing he would probably collapse again along the way.

“I know there is a sexy blonde down the hall that would be delighted lifting your poor little ass,” Isabel teased, causing Levi to groan. Isabel’s little digs now and then brought the welcome relief of Erwin into his mind and it was a little bit of lightness in the darkness and heaviness that constantly seemed to fill the apartment.

She pulled the blanket over him.

“You know things will work out, right?” Isabel squeezed his arm, avoiding his hand.

“You don’t know that,” Levi mumbled.

“I don’t, but I know you will be okay,” she assured him again. He was so strong. Besides, while she didn’t tell him yet, she knew that his mother would arrive later today.

“Nurse is coming in fifteen minutes, will ask if you can have some more pain killers, okay?” she promised as she knew Levi would be asleep as soon as his eyes fell shut.

He nodded just a bit, dozing off. Isabel worried about him, and knew that there was so much in his mind after the crash. She just hoped his mom being here soon would help him.

Monaco City | 17th of June | 22:21 local time

Waking up, Levi felt someone gently stroking his hair. It took him a few moments of disbelief to realize it was his mother. She was sitting squeezed beside him on the bed, one arm wrapped around him, her free hand softly running through his hair.

She had arrived over an hour ago, but the pain killers after the bad morning had knocked him out completely and he had slept through her arrival.

Just lying there with him, holding him close was enough to soothe Kuchel’s worried mother’s heart.

“Hey sweetheart,” she murmured, kissing him on his temple.

“Mom?” Levi mumbled uncertainty, unsure if the painkillers were getting the better of him.

“Yeah, I’m right here,” Kuchel assured him.

The last few days had been pure hell for her. She had watched the crash unfold live on TV. The agonizing minutes before Isabel managed to call him were torturous, with the broadcast offering no updates or information.

Even then, it had taken even longer before Isabel found that he had been extracted from the car alive, though in critical condition. Being half the world away, it took forever before Isabel was able to reassure her that Levi had been stabilized and would be airlifted to the hospital.  

With her husband so ill, she wasn’t even sure how she was managing to cope. But having her son alive, here in her arms, filled her with overwhelming relief. As she held Levi, she could see him struggling to hold back tears. She knew him better than anyone else in the world—knew how he always tried to stay strong, even when he was in so much pain, both physically and emotionally.

“I’m not going anywhere,” she told him gently again, her hand still gently stroking his hair. The words seemed to finally sink in, bringing a measure of calm to Levi.  She was really here.

“Mom,” he said at last, a small smile breaking through.

‘Are you okay?’ she finally asked, even though she already knew the answer. Her question was enough to break the fragile dam Levi had been holding back. A sob escaped him, and tears streamed down his cheeks.

“I was so scared, mom. I was so scared,” Levi admitted, his voice trembling as he broke down completely. Kuchel pulled him into her arms, holding him tightly as he cried.

She gently rubbed his back, letting him pour it all out. He may be a world-class athlete at twenty-one years old, but at this moment, sobbing into her lap, he was her little boy all over again. He buried his face deeper against her, seeking the comfort only she could give. Kuchel held him as close as she could, while Levi ignored the sharp pain radiating from his cracked ribs and bruises. All that mattered to him in that moment was being close to his mother.

Pressing a kiss to his head, Kuchel dried his tears with her hands.

“I know you must have been afraid,” she said softly, her voice full of love. “But you’re still here, and you’re going to be okay.” Her words were like a balm to his aching heart, and Levi desperately wanted to believe them.

“I feel like such an asshole now cause you had to leave dad to come here,” Levi cried hoarsely, his throat tight. 

“You are my little boy and you will always be my little boy. I love you and I’ll always be with you when you need me. Dad is okay, his brother is with him, and you’re going to be okay too,” Kuchel told him gently. Levi didn’t seem to agree, but his crying bout had left him too tired to fight it. 

“Dad gave me this to take for you,” she told him as she pulled a wrapped gift from his bag. Together, Kuchel and Levi peeled the wrapping open, revealing a stuffed Tanuki. Levi broke into a smile, his heart warmed and soothed by the gift that. His dad called him his little Tanuki - initially because of the dark circles under his eyes. The nickname had stuck, and it had become a fond endearment. Over the years, the house had accumulated Tanuki toys and trinkets, his father always insisting that he had to buy them because they reminded him of Levi. Holding the stuffed animal, Levi could almost hear his dad’s voice telling him things will be alright. 

Watching Levi hug and curl up around the toy, Kuchel felt something tug at her heartstrings. The sight reminded her of how young her boy still was, even though he had sacrificed and endured so much more than most adults far older than him at this age. 

Kuchel knew that deep inside Levi, the fear that all he had put in to get to this point, to reach his dream of becoming an F1 driver could be for naught because of this accident. But to a mother, her son was alive - and that was all that mattered. 

“I brought all your favourite snacks,” Kuchel told him, “plus enough to make plenty of meals you miss from home. Can I grab you any food?”

“No, thanks Mum.” Levi said firmly, although he smiled appreciatively. Kuchel bit her lip to hold back from nagging or insisting. Isabel had told her that Levi was not eating and had thrown up most of his breakfast and lunch and that she was worried about Levi’s lack of food intake. She let it go for now, mentally planning the meals she’ll cook for Levi tomorrow to make sure he ate well the next day. 

“Get some rest then,” she told him as she laid down by him and comforted him as he fell asleep. A frown marred both their faces - Levi’s from pain and Kuchel’s from worry. 

Monaco City | 19th of June | 22:21 local time

Erwin had thought about seeing Levi before heading to Spain. However, with his mom visiting and being by his side, he didn’t want to intrude on their time together. As Levi had only visited home once after Baku, Erwin could imagine how much Levi had missed her. While Erwin himself had gone weeks without seeing his own mother, at Levi's apartment, it was clear they had a close relationship. There were pictures everywhere of Levi with his parents. Though Levi didn't seem like the warmest person, it was evident that despite his sometimes cold demeanor, he deeply cared about the people he loved.

Erwin chose to drive to Barcelona rather than fly, since dealing with the hassle of the airport would have made the trip just as long. Plus, driving would be more calming for his mind.

He stopped to pick up Hange, who was waiting by their door with Pieck. Thoughtfully, Pieck had prepared plenty of food for their journey, sparing them the need to stop for lunch and ensuring that they would not be mobbed. Last year when they'd popped in for lunch at a rest stop on route, Erwin had been swarmed by fans wanting pictures. After thanking Pieck and watching Hange kiss their wife goodbye, they got into the car.

Grateful for Pieck's carefully packed meal, Erwin took a sandwich as they set off. The drive would take six hours, but he didn't mind - they could work through part of the briefing during the trip, saving time once they reached Barcelona.

Maybe he could even call Levi if he managed to find a quiet, private spot. 

It was a relief that Hange knew about him and Levi - he could finally speak freely. Hange seemed to realize this too, immediately bringing up Erwin's involvement with his competitor. 

“Have you seen Levi these last few days?” Hange asked,curious about the latest developments between Erwin and Levi. 

“No, but I flew his mom out. She’s with him.” Erwin said as they crossed from Monaco into France, marked only by a small road sign. 

“Oooh, did you not want to meet your future mother-in-law?” Hange teased, then immediately realised they had just hit a sore spot. 

“Hange, we are not serious like that. Besides, why would she care about me when her son just had a horrible crash?” Erwin huffed. 

“Sorry, I -”

“What the hell am I supposed to do? I like him, but if the media finds out, the FIA would know and our careers would be over, plus some sponsors might drop our teams. Some countries we race in that would absolutely raise hell and -” Erwin burst out, revealing the tension, fear and worries that had eaten away at him over the last few days. 

“Stop, Erwin. You’re spiraling,” Hange said, frowning with concern.

“And last night I thought that if Levi had to retire his career because of his injuries, it would solve everything - which makes me a massive fucking asshole because he is so talented! How could I even think of  his career ending as a good thing? It would be tragic! He’s only had a few races and look at how incredible he is! And what makes me even more selfish is that I wasn’t thinking about my own career. Instead I’m falling for a rookie that could destroy me!” Erwin blurted out. 

Silence filled the car. 

“Well first of all, putting your feelings for Levi before your career does not make you a selfish twat,” Hange said firmly, “Second, yes, there is a lot of uncertainty and there will be a lot to work out when he returns to F1… but I know you can handle it.”

Erwin still seemed unsure, but gave  a small nod. 

"Besides, with everything going on, you haven't had time to figure things out together - what you both want, if you want to explore this, what you'll do."

“Yeah, you’re right,” Erwin admitted. There hadn't been any chance to discuss this with Levi.

“Always am,” Hange winked at him.  

Circuit de Catalunya, Barcelona, Spain | 21st of June | 09:01 local time

Levi had only started seven races in F1, and did not even finish a lap of the seventh. Yet the whole paddock felt notably different without him. He'd become an integral part of race weekends, and F1 was missing one of its newest stars. The wonder boy in third in the championship, catching up with veteran Miche and superstar Erwin and still a title contender. Yet nobody was sure if he could even return. 

The paddock didn’t hold back in their support for Levi. 

Groups of fans had bonded together, making books full of well wishes for him they left at the paddock gates.  

Erwin had helped one of the mechanics from Levi’s teams carry the box with books and cards full of well wishes for Levi from his fans. Helping the team carry the boxes over made him feel helpful and it was nice to see how much the world cared about Levi. 

It was sweet as well to see the pundits were constantly referring to Levi, repeating the well wishes from around the paddock. Erwin hoped that Levi was in good enough shape to watch it from home. 

Even some drivers joined in, driving with Levi’s racing number as an extra sticker on their car. Erwin had joined as well, putting the 25 under his own number. 

Erwin walked through the paddock after finishing third practice. He felt optimistic - this circuit suited both his car and driving style. He hoped to overtake Miche in the standings and lead the championship now that there was only one point between them, though a part of him also felt frustrated that Levi would fall further behind in the standings. But that was inevitable. 

Erwin stopped when he saw Levi's replacement - the reserve driver - trembling and crouched against the motorhome wall. He approached slowly, unsure if the boy was crying.

“Are you okay?” Erwin asked, crouching down.

The blonde boy looked up at him, wide eyed.

“I’m a little scared,” he admitted. Erwin hadn’t seen this boy around much before. He had only driven two seasons in F3 and a handful of races in F2 – and he hadn’t even turned eighteen yet.

“You are going to be fine,” Erwin said gently, placing a hand on his shoulder.

‘’I’m not ready,’’ The blonde shook his head.

“Armin, right?” Erwin knelt beside him, carefully taking the helmet from the boy’s trembling hands.

The blonde nodded, his wide blue eyes still full of fear. 

“What if I crash?” 

"You won't. You did great in practice," Erwin assured him, understanding the boy's fear. Taking over a car involved in a near-fatal crash, even if by chance, had to be terrifying.

“I know it’s scary, but embrace the butterflies,” Erwin said, helping the boy up. 

Armin gave a small nod, and took the helmet back from Erwin. 

“Thank you.”

“If you want any advice, just ask,” Erwin offered. Armin nodded eagerly, grateful. He had grown up watching Erwin, this kindness from his hero meant a lot. 

Erwin gave Armin’s  shoulder an encouraging squeeze. 

Despite his own doubts, at least he'd made someone's day better.

Back in his motorhome, Erwin grabbed water from the fridge and checked his phone. No texts from Levi. He tried not to feel hurt or disappointed - Levi was recovering from a major crash, and his dominant hand was out of order to say the least.

He just wanted to know Levi was okay. On top of the pressure to perform this weekend, he worried about how weak and injured Levi had seemed. Any other F1 driver might secretly welcome a competitor's absence, but not him.

His concern grew with his team's statements that Levi might not return before summer break. He suspected Levi was downplaying his injuries and health and the suspicions ate away at him, burrowing into his mind.

“Hey Levi, just wanted to check on how you are – but I guess you are resting up. Hope you’re feeling better each day… miss you here on track and I… I can’t wait to see you,” Erwin whispered into the voicemail, mindful of being overheard.

Princess Grace Hospital Centre Monaco | 22nd of June | 14:33 local time

Levi tried to cough up the mucus in his lungs, but with his broken ribs, he didn’t manage to get anywhere close to clearing them.

He felt sick as a dog and  the strong IV antibiotics only added to his misery on top of the pneumonia. Medical staff checked on him constantly now that he was hospitalized, frequently monitoring him and administering new medications. The team had authorized unlimited expenses for his care. Levi felt like a lab rat or a subject of some heinous medical experiment, constantly examined, prodded and poked while being monitored and observed around the clock. 

The only thing Levi could do now is endure. He was so grateful to Erwin for arranging to fly his mother out - through it all, her presence was his anchor. 

Getting him into the hospital had been a tough battle for all of them. Levi had been insistent upon staying at home. Eventually his mother had talked some sense into him after he had struggled to breathe throughout the night and he had been quickly picked up by an ambulance.The hospital admitted him quickly as his pneumonia worsened, aggravated by crash debris in his lungs.

“The media caught on about you being taken by ambulance to the hospital, the team is putting out a statement,” Isabel told him after getting off the phone with his team. Levi nodded. He didn’t give a rat’s ass about the team or media right now..  

Days before, his career had meant the world to him. Now, he felt so ill now he couldn’t care less. 

The pressure on his chest seemed to only be getting worse. 

Kuchel sat with him, helping him sip water and caressing his hair. Levi wanted to tell her to stop. Wanted to tell his mom he was dirty and disgusting, that she shouldn’t touch him, but her touches were so comforting.

"Doctor's coming by later," she told him, squeezing his hand. She worried about how sick he'd become, his breathing shallow despite the oxygen support.

Levi managed a slight nod. It frustrated him - finally having time with his mother but barely able to stay awake to talk.

“You should rest up, sleep a little,” Kuchel murmured soothingly as she stroked  his face. Levi propped his arm up on the Tanuki plush toy his dad had picked out for him. It brought him so much comfort, and Levi was not ashamed to admit that even though he was already an adult, having a plushie from his dad comforted him.

“After….race?” Levi bargained, glancing at the clock. It was only twenty minutes to the Grand Prix.

‘Okay,’ Kuchel smiled, kissing his forehead. She was happy to watch it with him, though she doubted that he had the energy to even see the start of the race. 

“Wanna watch… wanna see the grand prix…” Levi mumbled, already starting to doze off again

“Can you… can you text Erwin for me - wish him luck for the race and tell him I’m fine?” he finally summoned the courage to ask. She nodded, taking his phone from the nightstand. Seeing her unlock his phone and navigate to the texts, he realized that all his texts with Erwin were out in the open for her now. 

Levi knew she must have noticed the hearts and Erwin’s sweet messages that he had left on read, lacking the energy and strength to respond, but  Kuchel didn’t say anything, and instead just nodded to indicate that she would send the text.

Looking at all the wall of messages from Erwin again, she had another idea. 

"Why don't we call him?" Kuchel suggested. "You get upset when your dad hides his health problems. You're doing the same to Erwin."

“Just don’t want to worry him before the race.”

“That's exactly what your dad says when I tell him to be honest to you,” Kuchel pointed out. 

Levi hesitated, then  nodded.

“He goes to his  motorhome nine minutes before the formation lap, right after the anthem,” Levi mumbled, not about to explain how he knew that information. 

“Let’s try calling him,” Kuchel said with an encouraging smile, squeezing his hand. 

Circuit de Catalunya, Barcelona, Spain | 22nd of June | 14:51 local time

His phone buzzes in his hand as he jogged and Erwin sees Levi’s name on the screen. He ran the rest of the way to his motorhome to take a final piss before the race and answer the call, hurriedly pulling the door close behind him. 

“Are you in the hospital?” Erwin asked before Levi could even say hi, worried after reading the team’s statement. He had wanted to text Levi after that, but with all the media swarming around he had not found the time. 

"Yeah, but I'll be fine. They're taking good care of me," Levi said, smiling at his mother. Between the staff, his mom, and Isabel, he was well looked after.

“It’s nice to hear your voice,” Erwin exhaled, releasing some of the stress and fear that had built up in him after seeing the statement.

“I had better not hear you pissing.” Levi warned him. 

“No promises,” Erwin chuckled, wedging the phone between his shoulder and ear as he unzipped his racing suit. 

“Usually I can't have you win, but I hope you win today.”

“Thank you,” Erwin smiled. 

He could hear the exhaustion in Levi's faint, winded voice. It worried him.  For a moment he heard a woman’s voice in the background and  figured that it must be Levi’s mother. 

While he had flown her out to be with Levi, he had not spoken to hear. He had instead played it through the driver’s association, even if he had footed the bill. 

"See you in Monaco?" Erwin smiled. "Can I visit tomorrow night at the hospital?"

“That would be really nice,” Levi told him after some hesitation, unsure if he should let Erwin come so close. Not because he didn’t want to or was ashamed of falling for him. Isabel knew - his mother knew now. 

But he worried about the media finding out, and his team finding out. There would be so much backlash, and make things especially challenging with some of the countries they had to race in every year.

“See you tomorrow then” Erwin promised him, “Gonna win this race for you.”

“Get in the car then,” Levi snarked. Erwin grinned and hurried out of the motorhome, hanging up to run to his car. 

The feeling he was being selfish slowly fleeted, thinking that instead he should win. He had to win. Hopefully it would make Levi happy, even if just for a second before he thought of his own points, He wanted to make him proud. 

Princess Grace Hospital Centre Monaco | 22nd of June | 15:00 local time

“Turn the race on?” Levi asked. Kuchel helped him settle back in bed. The phone call had tired him out, as he had done his best to hide his pain and struggles from Erwin.

“Sure,” Kuchel answered, switching to the right channel. As expected, Levi didn’t even make it past the formation lap. She tucked him in, holding his hand as she watched,  her arm around him and his head against her chest. 

As she watched the cars go around, the terror of last week came unbidden into her mind and a wave of emotion caught her chest. She kissed Levi’s head again, so grateful that her son was still alive despite his injuries. On screen, Erwin's silver and light blue car shot off the start line, fighting for first place. 

Kuchel was surprised that Levi had fallen for a competitor. She'd known he was gay since he came out years ago to her and his stepfather. But he was so focused on racing, his career and the competition. He had never cared about love, and had never even dated before he had become an elite racer. 

Kuchel had always assumed that love was something that Levi was not interested in at all. She felt proud he'd finally opened his heart to someone. Yet worry crept in - his first love being F1's star driver and rival could get complicated.She worried her son was going to get hurt, falling for F1’s hotshot star that was also one of his main rivals. 

“Can’t keep out of trouble, huh?” she mumbled holding him close. She wanted her son to be happy, but between his recovery and falling for a fellow driver, she couldn't help but worry.

Chapter Text

Circuit de Catalunya, Barcelona, Spain | 22nd of June | 15:01 local time

Erwin revved the engine as held his breath while waiting for the lights to come on and go out. He was in second place, lined up behind his teammate. For a while during qualifying it had looked like he was set for pole position, but in the last run, Miche had snatched it out of his hands by mere thousandths of a second. 

One light. Two lights.

He had to win.

For Levi, like he had promised.

Three lights. Four lights.

No, not for Levi.

Five lights.

For his own title, dammit!

The five lights disappeared and Erwin slammed the pedal as the car roared to life. He was confident at this track. He knew every bump and dip better than the back of his hand, having driven thousands of laps on it through junior formula, testing and endless practice runs. 

Miche shot away in front of him, but he managed to stay close - he was even within touching distance at times. He had to hang on, he had to stay within a second’s range to get DRS and the extra speed boost it would give him to overtake.

As they went through the back section, he saw an opening. He could overtake Miche now. He knew he could, he had the better exit out of the corner. But Miche cut across, closing the door on him and Erwin gritted his teeth, resolving to set up and try again after the main straight.

“Erwin, the team needs you to hold position,” Hange said tonelessly in his earpiece. Erwin firmly ignored team orders, instead continuing to hunt down Miche in front of him.

Chasing him – hunting him. He wasn’t going to let go, he was going to show them that he was good enough to be their first driver. He wasn’t going to play second fiddle any longer.

He kept up as they made it through the first lap into the second lap; Erwin clung onto the slipstream down the mainstraight. Turn one was fast approaching. He knew it all hung on his execution. Miche favoured braking early, which meant that he could brake later, and get closer.

As they slowed from top speed, Erwin pulled out alongside and elbows out, starting his overtake attempt on Miche.

Feinting his overtake for the  left – Miche covered him as he expected.

Quickly pulling the switch-a-roo and cutting over to the right, Erwin out braked himself and overshot the track, his tires skimming the grass before he went sailing off. From this point he was just a passenger.

His car skidded back onto the track, collecting Miche along the way as they both slid helplessly toward the large gravel trap ahead.

There was nothing Erwin could do as his car barreled into the gravel, the tires digging in and throwing up clouds of dust. A few seconds later, Miche’s car came flying in as well, slowing in the gravel before coming to a soft but final stop against the barrier.

“OOOH, WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT MARTIN! THEY ARE IN THE GRAVEL!"

Erwin took a deep breath. Not because the crash was rough. It was embarrassingly stupid to have gone off and taken a teammate out along the way. It was an utter disaster not only for himself, but also for the team. And this was no help to his case to be the number 1 driver.

“Erwin, are you okay?” Hange came over his radio.

“Fine, just beached the car,” Erwin told them. His front wing was broken beyond repair and he could see the second car had bent wheels. Even if he had managed to get out from the gravel, his race was over.

Miche got out of the car first. Erwin had a clear view of Miche flipping him off before he took off his helmet and stormed off to the marshals.

“This is a tragedy for the Survey Corps racing time!” Crofty commented as the drivers got out of the car, decidedly not looking at each other as they clambered behind the fencing.

“I would not want to be a part of that debrief,” Brundle said in sympathy.

“You’re kidding me? I would love to be a fly on the wall,” Crofty chuckled.

Erwin didn’t hear any of it. Instead, he walked over to a marshal on a motorbike and climbed onto the back to be taken back to the pits. He knew that he had only himself to blame - he had pushed too hard. He knew Miche too well, he knew that Miche would always push to the limit, even if it meant costing both of their races. A rookie might have panicked and gave way… but neither of them had been rookies for a long time.

When Erwin finally got back to the garage, Hange put their hand on his shoulder, wanting to support Erwin. Even if they thought it had been unwise, they couldn’t blame him.

Princess Grace Hospital Centre Monaco | 22nd of June | 17:10 local time

Kuchel always watched the races, mostly to watch what her son was doing. But she paid extra attention now, knowing that Levi would probably bombard her with a ton of questions when he woke up. She continued caressing and squeezing his hand as a a nurse arrived with another bag of antibiotics to hook to his IV.

The race had long since ended when Levi finally stirred.

“Who won?” Levi croaked, his voice hoarse from sleep. Kuchel moved a little closer, gently wiping his sweat soaked hair back. 

“The blonde guy,”

“There are like five of them,” Levi complained, hoping she would tell him Erwin had won.

No, he couldn’t hope that - it would mean Erwin was pulling ahead in the championship even more!

“The German,”

“Miche?” Levi groaned, more upset that Erwin had lost than anything else.

“No, the young one,”

“Reiner Braun won a fucking race?!” Levi exclaimed, only for a harsh cough to tear through his chest.

“Language!” Kuchel scolded, but she pulled him in her arms, holding him upright to make it a little easier to breathe. It took a few moments before she could gently ease him back onto the pillows. Whatever energy he had found for those brief moments to react to the race results had completely gone. 

“Erwin crashed out, he and his teammate collided on the second lap. They’re both fine., but their cars got beached in the gravel.” 

Kuchel continued stroking his arm to calm and soothe him, her touch gentle and knowing. After the texts she had seen, she understood now just how deeply Levi cared about Erwin.

“Your teammate finished in second, by the way,” Kuchel added, figuring Levi ought to know that too. 

“Reiner Braun won… every dog has its day I guess,” Levi muttered as he regained control of his breathing. 

“Is he not nice? He seemed pretty nice,” Kuchel mused, adjusting his blankets and making sure he was comfortable. She was relieved to see him a little more awake.

“He is, but he’s kind of a himbo,” Levi mumbled. He was not particularly close to most of the other drivers, and Reiner was no exception. They were all rivals, and Levi had never been good with making friends

Kuchel sighed, shaking her head. “Sometimes I wonder how that chubby-cheeked, polite little boy I raised turned into this foul-mouthed man.”

“You let me live with Kenny as a teen,” Levi pointed out dryly.

“Yeah… that’s on me,” she chuckled, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

She handed him a glass of water, and he took a few sips before settling back against the pillows. His cracked ribs ached from all the coughing—just when he’d thought they were finally starting to heal.

“I’ll bring your laptop tomorrow and we can rewatch the race if you feel up for it,” Kuchel offered. 

Levi nodded. He really wanted to see what had happened leading up to the crash, even if was already disappointed with the result. 

Without warning, the dark thoughts lurking at the back of Levi’s mind pushed their way forward. He pursed his lips before finally daring to voice the fear that had been torturing him.

“What am I going to do if I don’t race again?” he asked, his voice quieter than usual, his vulnerability laid bare.

Those doubts had been gnawing at him relentlessly. His parents had sacrificed everything for him and now, with just seven races, he might lose it all.

“Why do you worry?” Kuchel probed gently. 

“You and dad sacrificed everything for me to race,” Levi muttered, his eyes down, gazing at his ruined fingers.

Kuchel shook her head. “I don’t care, Levi. I’m already so proud of you, and I love you—no matter what, okay? And I know Dad feels the same.”

He tried to listen. Tried to let her words sink in. But the doubt still clung to him, whispering that he had messed up too badly, that he had thrown everything away. He was exhausted from the critics in his mind haunting him. 

“Even if you don’t get back on track it does not negate your talent, your success, or your effort,” Kuchel told him again, her voice firm yet kind

Levi finally nodded. His mother’s assurance helped loosen the grip guilt had on him, just a little.

Wanting to pull Levi further away from his insecurities, Kuchel decided to mention Erwin. 

“By the way, Erwin already texted you—just to let you know he’s okay. Do you want to text him back?” she asked, her tone light, free of judgment. She didn’t want him to feel pressured, but she found it so sweet that he had finally let someone in—maybe even for the first time.

“I’m sure he will feel better if you text him after the bad race he had today,” Kuchel told him. Levi nodded, taking the phone, he started to draft him a message, tedious work with just his left hand.

“Do you like him, Levi?” Kuchel finally dared to ask.

“I think I do,” Levi admitted after a few seconds, putting the phone down as his finger drew patterns on the phone case.

“I think I really like him - and I know it’s stupid. I have never fallen in love with someone before and he is a competitor. You must think I’m stupid for it too,”

“No.. I think it is beautiful that you are falling in love. I know you put walls up and you… you are breaking them down.”

She didn’t say anything more—just smiled softly as she reached out and cupped the side of his face.

Princess Grace Hospital Centre Monaco | 23rd of June | 19:23 local time

Erwin was nervous as he walked into the hospital. He had managed to avoid most of the press – although he knew he could easily hide behind the excuse of doing his duty as part of his drivers association duties..

He was carrying a box of Xuixo, treats he had bought in Girona on the way back from Barcelona. He really wanted to get Levi something nice. Hange had complained he had been driving too fast, but all he had tunnel vision, focused on nothing but getting to Levi. He had given Levi an ETA and Levi had responded that he was welcome any time after dinner.

Walking into the hospital room that Levi had texted him about -Levi having already told the staff a little white lie about the drivers association to smooth his visit - Erwin felt a wave of relief wash over him at the sight of Levi.

Levi had shooed his mother away earlier. She kept fluffing up his pillows, adjusting his blankets, unable to sit still until she finally left just minutes before Erwin arrived. They both knew she was winding him up. Before leaving, she kissed his forehead and, with a knowing smile, told him she wouldn’t dare stay any longer for his date . Levi had yelled after her that it wasn’t a date - and she knew that perfectly well, thank you. Still, the exchange had amused her, and maybe it reassured her too. If Levi had the energy to argue, he must have been feeling at least a little better.

Although Levi was still clearly ill, Erwin did think that Levi did look a whole lot better. He was sitting up in bed with IVs still attached and a breathing cannula under his nose. But maybe it was the sparkle in his eyes and the smile that spread across his face when he saw Erwin that made him look better.

“Can I kiss you?”

“Please,” Levi nodded. 

Erwin leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips as he took Levi’s hand, then settled into the chair by the bed. Levi was dressed in a soft cotton pajama set his mother had brought from Japan. Erwin tried not to look at his muscled chest, partly visible through the deep neckline of the traditional style cut

“Watched you beach your car today – I slept through the Grand Prix, but watched it this morning,” Levi told him as he settled back against the upright bed while reaching for Erwin’s hands. 

“What can I say, I’m not as good at crashing as you are,” Erwin winked at him. Levi chuckled, grateful that Erwin was being his usual self and not walking on eggshells around him. 

Levi took one of the cookies Erwin had brought and ate it with obvious delight. It was sweet of Erwin to make a detour just to bring him something from Spain, knowing he had missed the race. To know that Erwin was thinking of him and had gone out of his way to cheer him up meant more to him than he could say.

Beside him, the big plushie his stepfather had given him was tucked under his right elbow, offering some support for his side and the cracked ribs. It wasn’t much, but it helped.

“The plushie is cute,” Erwin remarked.

“A gift from my step dad,” Levi explained. Erwin smiled, and thought it was so adorable. When he had reached out to Levi’s parents, he had even offered to pay for a ticket for his stepfather, but the man had politely declined. Erwin had been curious as to why, but did not want to probe at such a difficult time for Levi. He had wondered if there had been something difficult with Levi’s relationship with his stepdad, and was glad to see that he had worried over nothing.

Levi wasn’t sure if he should feel embarrassed—being a grown man with a plushie—but Erwin didn’t seem the least bit judgmental. If anything, his expression was warm, as if he understood completely.

“There are books and books and even more books of well wishes from the fans for you. The team put them in your apartment for you. So many fans worked on it, I really hope you will get to see them when you go home,” Erwin smiled. It had been heartwarming to see the outpouring of support that Levi had gotten from his fans.

After an awkward moment, Erwin finally dared to ask, “Are you okay?”

“Getting there, the chest X-ray was clearer this morning,” Levi replied, “still pretty shit… but getting better,”

His quick, straightforward answer reassured Erwin. He was just relieved to see Levi improving.

They chatted for a while, with Erwin breaking down what had happened in the race. Levi had already watched it, but he still appreciated Erwin’s insight—there was always more to the story than what made it to the broadcast.

“Still can’t believe that Miche got away with flipping you off,” Levi told him as he took another cookie.

“He did get a warning,” Erwin had told him.

“If I had done that? Straight to FIA jail,” Levi shook his head, “you would have gotten away with it too,”

“Kidding me? I wouldn’t have gotten away with that,”

“Nah, you are too much of the golden boy,” Levi smirked at him.

Erwin noticed the dark circles under Levi’s eyes deepen as their visit went on. His gaze grew narrower, his posture slumping more and more. The pneumonia still had a firm grip on him, and Erwin could only imagine how exhausted he must be.

“I’ll let you rest,” Erwin said gently, squeezing his hand as he got up. Levi’s hand felt so small in his. Sometimes it was hard to imagine these small hands belonged to the same speed demon that pushed the Underground racing car to the limit in these races.

“You focus on getting better, okay?” Erwin told him. 

Levi nodded, and Erwin kissed him once more before tucking the blanket around him.

As Erwin left, Levi couldn’t help but smile, warmth lingering in his chest. He was so glad to have seen him.

Monaco City | 29th of June | 11:15 local time

Seven days after the Grand Prix, Erwin stood in the elevator, waiting to reach street level. Beside him, Senna, his older dog, shifted anxiously, even though Erwin was earlier than usual for their walk.

As the elevator doors began to close, Erwin quickly pressed the button to keep them open. He had just spotted Levi being pushed toward the elevator in a wheelchair by his mother.  Holding the door, Erwin caught Levi’s eye for a brief moment. Levi quickly looked away, worried he might blush.

Erwin gently tugged Senna closer to make room for Levi and Kuchel to enter. Kuchel gave Erwin a warm handshake while Levi continued to avoid meeting his gaze.

“Hello Erwin, I’m glad to be able to meet you. Thank you so much for flying me out here,” Kuchel said, her voice a little awkward from being starstruck. Although Levi had been part of the F1 circus for a while, it still felt surreal to be meeting an international star so casually near her son’s home. While Erwin had reached out to her about her plane ticket, Kuchel had not expected to meet him in person.

Looking up at the tall blond, she could see what Levi saw in him. Erwin was undeniably attractive and with how kind he had been in arranging her trip,  she could not fault Levi for his feelings.

All she worried about was him getting hurt. 

“Least the drivers association could do,” Erwin gave her  the warm smile that had pulled Levi right in.

“How are you feeling Levi?” Erwin asked. He knew that he had come home two days ago, but had kept his distance. Not because he didn’t want to see him, but because he figured Levi needed some time to settle back in. With his mother there and Isabel already taking care of him, Erwin didn’t want to intrude. Besides, he knew that Levi would need plenty of time to go through all the heartwarming well wishes from the paddock.

“Little better every day,” Levi said, even though he felt utterly drained- like crap really. At least he was back home now, after nearly a week in hospital. He would still be on strong antibiotics for two more days, but recovering at home felt better than when Erwin had last seen him—hooked up to machines in the sterile hospital room. For a brief moment, Levi was overwhelmed by the desire to be alone with Erwin again, snuggled up against his warm, solid presence, wrapped in their own little bubble.

“I’m taking this little grump outside now—I think he could use some fresh air,” Kuchel said with a smile, giving her son’s shoulder a gentle squeeze.

“Walking me, like you are walking Senna,” Levi grumbled, as he reached out to pet Senna with his free hand.

His mother had insisted he get some fresh air, and even though he felt grouchy, he was looking forward to it. At least she’d get to see a little bit of Monaco after being cooped up inside with him most of the week while he was ill.

Erwin walked with them for a while. Senna insisted on staying by Levi’s side, tugging the leash to stay close to Levi instead of going down their usual walking route. 

“There’s really good ice cream over there. You should try some while you’re still in Monaco,” Erwin suggested. He noticed how Kuchel’s face lit up at the idea and smiled. 

“Actually, let me get you some,” he added, ignoring Kuchel’s polite refusals. She followed him, leaving Levi to pet Senna while they picked out ice cream flavours for them. Levi still felt exhausted, his body aching in ways he couldn’t quite shake. But holding Senna made up for a lot of it—the dog was already so attached to him, and Levi found himself growing just as attached in return.

Erwin returned with several tubs of ice cream, handing one to Levi as he and Kuchel  retook their seats.

As Erwin watched Levi attempt to scoop some ice cream with his one free hand, his stomach sank.  The tub moved along with each try and when Erwin couldn’t bear to watch it anymore, he reached out to steady the tub for Levi.  He avoided meeting Levi’s eyes, feeling a wave of guilt wash over him. God, I’m such an idiot , he thought. Levi’s already struggling enough, and here I am making it worse.

But when Erwin finally glanced up, Erwin saw the small grateful smile on Levi’s face and it eased Erwin’s guilt a little. Out in the sunshine with their ice cream like this, both Levi and Kuchel looked content and Erwin was glad to have given them this moment. 

Erwin scooped a bit of his vanilla ice cream onto a spoon and held it out for Senna, who eagerly licked it off. Levi chuckled softly at the dog’s excitement—it was adorable, and Erwin looked just as pleased, his face soft with affection.

Levi took another small bite of the pistachio ice cream, savouring the flavour his mother had picked out for him.

Suddenly the cold stabbed his chest like a knife. Levi tried suppressing his cough but was quickly overcome with it. The cough tore through his chest and Levi was soon caught in a full coughing fit. Kuchel immediately crouched down by him, gently rubbing his back as she handed him a napkin.

“Are you okay?” Erwin asked, crouched down as well, his body tense with worry.

“Still getting over that pneumonia,” Kuchel explained to Erwin with a faint frown of concern as she handed another napkin to Levi, her hand steady on his back.

“I’m going to get him some water,” Kuchel said, hurrying off quickly. 

Erwin stayed close, taking over from Kuchel and rubbing slow circles on Levi’s back. His face mirrored Kuchel’s concern, brows furrowed as Levi tried to catch his breath.

“You probably shouldn’t do that, ” Levi rasped, his voice hoarse. “People will start taking pictures if they spot us.”

“Frankly - I don’t care right now,” Erwin replied quietly, his hand never leaving Levi’s back.

Monaco City | 3 rd of July | 18:43 local time

A few days later, Isabel had some errands to run and offered to take Levi’s mother out for dinner. At the same time, Erwin invited Levi over for a meal. Levi realized this was the whole reason Isabel had suggested taking Kuchel out for a few hours—Erwin was leaving for Austria the next day, and Levi wouldn’t be heading there until Saturday.

Erwin was quiet as he opened the door to his own home, unsure if Levi was already inside. Erwin had texted Levi earlier to let him know that the door was unlocked and that  he was welcome over at any time. Rounding the corridor, Erwin saw Levi was standing in the kitchen. Levi’s hair was wet, probably from a recent shower, and he was dressed in some soft slacks and a t-shirt. He was playing with Senna, handing the dog the toy he had given him in Canada that Senna quickly tossed around again. 

Erwin had picked up some food for them, setting it on the dinner table before walking toward Levi. He carefully wrapped his arms around him and kissed him. The relief and happiness of finally being able to hold Levi in his arms and kiss him hit Erwin hard— Erwin hadn't been able to hold him like this since before the accident because levi was always in a wheelchair or in a bed or because of his cracked and bruised ribs. Now he could finally hold him like this again, standing up. Even if he still had be careful with his ribs, it felt so nice.

“Hey, you look good,” Erwin murmured in Levi’s ear as he squeezed Levi gently. Though Erwin knew that Levi probably needed more time to fully recover, he did look much better. Erwin was sure Levi was still in a lot of pain, but the bruising had lessened, Levi was out of the wheelchair and there was a bit more life in his movements.

Erwin reached for Levi’s free hand and gave it a gentle squeeze before kissing him again. Levi had offered to host, but Erwin had insisted they come to his apartment so Levi could sit at the dinner table. It was at least a little easier than the breakfast bar.

“I got sushi from the one place Isabel said you don’t hate,” Erwin said as he started  unpacking the bag. He had ordered an insane amount of sushi, unsure of what Levi actually liked. As Erwin opened all the boxes and spread them out on the table, Levi could only stare. Little butterflies fluttered in Levi’s stomach. That was the thing about Erwin for Levi - Erwin did endless little and big things that showed how much he cared and how much he thought about Levi. From detouring to get Spanish sweets, cooking meals to aid his recovery, flying his mother out.. Erwin showed his care as though it was his second nature. 

“When did you ask her?”

“Ran into her near the mailboxes a few days ago,” Erwin explained.

“Don’t think I’ll be able to use those,” Levi mumbled  as he watched Erwin set down chopsticks for both of them. His hand was still stuck in the splint, and all the therapy he had been doing was not giving him much more than excruciating pain. His pointer finger barely moved at all. He had hoped for some progress, but his time in the hospital hadn’t really helped. 

“Oh I’m so-”

“It’s fine,” Levi cut him off. He knew better than to his frustrations out on Erwin. 

He raised his eyebrow when Erwin ignored his own chopsticks and reached for a piece of nigiri sushi with his hand.

“You don’t have to do that just to make me feel better,” Levi said.

“No, I’m doing this because I read that sushi is supposed to be eaten with your hands anyway,” Erwin winked.

“Most people don’t,” Levi agreed, but he appreciated the effort. Taking a roll with his left hand, he dug in as well.

As they chatted and ate – Erwin telling about the grand prix and all he had missed in the weekend he hadn’t had time to talk about during his brief hospital visit – Senna sat by the table, whining softly  and keeping a close eye on the floor for any scraps of food.

“He is going to be doing that all dinner,” Erwin warned Levi.

Levi chuckled, glancing down at the dog, who looked so hopeful for a stray piece of fish or anything else to come his way.

“I can put him in my office or the bedroom,” Erwin offered.

“No, it’s fine,” Levi told him. He adored the dog.

As they ate through the sushi, Levi couldn’t help but smile. The food was excellent, but it was Erwin’s company that made the evening feel special. Sharing a meal with him brought a sense of normalcy after the chaos of the past few weeks. Even though his side throbbed and his hand sat useless in the splint on the table, Levi felt rather good for the first time since the accident.

“Gonna need to lie down soon,” Levi admitted when the sushi was almost gone. His chest was beginning to ache too uncomfortably. 

Erwin helped him up from the chair, carefully wrapping his arms around him. Together, they moved to the massive couch, where Erwin settled Levi gently into his arms. As he held him, Erwin could feel how much weight Levi had lost over the past three weeks. It worried him, knowing how fit Levi needed to be to get back into an F1 car. 

“Your mum is really nice,”  Erwin remarked as he ran his fingers  through Levi’s hair. Under the warm lightning, Levi’s complexion looked somewhat rosy and Erwin was glad for it. Even though he knew that Levi was still in pain and had lost significant  weight, his face was almost all healed up and in some angles, the scarring left from the stitches under his eye were barely visible. 

“How are you feeling… about this?” Erwin asked quietly, his hand trailing to cup Levi’s cheek. The more time he spent with him, the deeper he fell. Levi’s beautiful eyes, long lashes, and delicate features were impossible to resist.

“It feels easier now that I’m not racing, but it won’t always be this easy,” Levi answered after a pause. He did worry how things would fare between them when he got back on track, but he pushed it aside for the time being - returning to racing seemed worlds away.

“What do you mean?”

“We will still be competitors.”

“I know, but you’re also so much more to me than that,” Erwin said in his assuring tone of voice. 

He reached for the soft plaid draped over the back of the couch and pulled it over them. Levi settled against him, and Erwin held him closer, his touch careful and tender.

“You paid for her plane ticket, didn’t you,” Levi mumbled after a few seconds.

“Drivers association,” Erwin replied quickly.

“Yeah, right,” Levi rolled his eyes.

“I did,” Erwin admitted, knowing it was better to be honest.

“Thank you,” Levi said quietly, though the words didn’t come easily. A slight frown crept onto his face.

“She… she did tell me that you told her not to come over,” Erwin added carefully.

“My stepdad is really sick - lung cancer. That’s why I didn’t want my mom to come over at first,” Levi admitted in a tight voice.

“Oh… I’m sorry, Levi.”

“I didn’t want her worrying about me when she could be with him. He’s got his family and friends in Japan looking after him, but… you know?” Levi’s words came in a rush before petering out. The toll the situation had taken on Levi was evident.

Erwin nodded as he listened to Levi intently.

Senna, tired of not being the center of attention, jumped onto the couch and broke the tension between the men. Erwin gently pushed Senna away before the dog could settle on top of Levi, guiding the dog to lie down by their legs instead.

Levi didn’t want to discuss it any further, but he appreciated Erwin’s kind words and mumbled a thanks in acknowledgement. Wrapped in Erwin’s warm arms, with dinner heavy in his stomach and his body still fatigued, he felt himself starting to drift off.

“I wish I could be at your house in England. It’s so nice and quiet there,” Levi mumbled, his voice heavy with sleep. Erwin pressed a tender kiss to his forehead.

“Come spend time with me there over the summer break?” Erwin offered. 

Levi nodded against Erwin’s chest, but deep down, he wasn’t sure what his summer break would look like—or if he’d even have one. If he was still in F1. With his injured fingers, everything felt uncertain.

But he tried not to dwell on it. Not now. Not while he was here with Erwin. This was something he had wanted for days, having missed him more than he realized. Besides, even if he wasn’t in F1, he could still be with Erwin. That mattered more.

“Yeah, I will,” he promised quietly.

Erwin didn’t wake him as Levi fell asleep in his arms. He simply held him, pressing soft kisses to his face every few seconds. It felt tender, fragile. No matter how much he desired Levi, with his injuries still healing, the only path forward was to let their love grow with patience and care.

Chapter Text

Monaco City | 5th of July | 09:36 local time

Kuchel left after staying with Levi for nearly three weeks. Erwin had offered to extend her ticket, but with Levi on the mend, Levi told her to go home to his father. As much as he loved having his mother here, he knew that his stepfather needed her comfort. The last few days, he could notice she was getting anxious to return to him as well. 

He did of course go to the airport with her to see her off. Isabel drove them in her car, Levi’s double seater sports car wasn’t suitable to take her or her luggage to the airport. Besides, he was not able to drive yet because of the painkillers.

When he got back home, he had to see his physical therapist to work on his core and neck muscles, as well as his hand to prepare him for the Hungarian Grand Prix.

He was not looking forward to it, but he would do it anyway. Not that he had a choice, if he wanted to get back in the car as soon as possible – and he did. Talking to his mother had reignited his passion, or at least pushed his fear back to the back of his mind.

He walked inside with her, a cap pulled down to hide his face, not wanting to be swarmed by fans. Seeing his mother off was already stressful enough. 

Hugging her goodbye, he hoped to visit her and his stepfather over the summer break. He would probably have to have surgery on his hand again, but maybe he could do it in Japan. He could at least talk about it with his surgeon. 

It felt complicated, having to choose between going to Japan to be with his family, or going to England to spend time with Erwin, like he had promised. He also had to spend the summer break working on recovering from his injuries, even if he got to join in the race in a little under two weeks.

He hugged her tightly, feeling the familiar warmth of her embrace one last time before she had to leave. 

"Say hi to Dad," Levi said softly, his voice tinged with both sadness and relief - that he was well enough for her to leave and his mother would soon be with his stepfather again. 

Kuchel nodded, her eyes glistening as she held him close for a moment longer. "I will, sweetheart. 

“And remember, be patient and careful with Erwin. He is still a competitor, but really I think he's just trying to help you."

Levi nodded, absorbing her words even as a lump formed in his throat. 

"I know, Mom. I'll try."

She pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead before stepping back, her smile encouraging despite the worry still visible in her features.

"Take care, Levi. I love you,"

He jumped in her arms once more, pressing his head to her chest, telling her he loved her too before she finally made her way.

With one last wave, she turned and headed towards security, leaving Levi standing there with a mixture of emotions swirling within him.

Red Bull Ring | 8th of July | 13:46 local time

The media was clearly excited for Levi to appear in the paddock  for a race weekend after his crash nearly a month ago. As soon as he entered the paddock the media flocked around him. The staff walking with him told them to give him some space.

Isabel was walking close to him, watching his every move. Even though he insisted that he felt fine now, she could see he was still tired.

To anyone in the paddock no doubt, it was so good to see him back here. Isabel thought he looked a lot better than he felt, having struggled with pain through the night and having to go through a tough physical therapy session again this morning.

After therapy he had met with a surgeon in Monaco, to discuss if any further surgery on his hand and fingers might be beneficial. He was working as hard as he could in therapy, but his fingers were barely improving.

He hadn’t mentioned it though as they took the private flight to Austria, landing at Graz airport and being driven over by the team.

He hadn’t taken her hand getting out of the car, insisting he was fine as they got out by the paddock.

Erwin was interviewed down the road in the paddock by the F1 TV team, although Levi was sure most of the attention went to Senna. As soon as the dog saw him, he pulled free and ran towards Levi. He ended up having to join the interview, mostly because Senna wouldn’t let him go any other way.

“Senna loves you, Levi!” the presenter laughed as the dog jumped up against Levi again. He pet Senna, while Erwin tried to reel the leash in again – though there was no stopping Senna now that he was with Levi.  

“Who doesn’t,” Erwin laughed at the camera.

Levi had to do his best not to start blushing as he petted the dog with his free hand. He worried about what the media would think, but at the same time…. the dog couldn’t tell their secrets. Going through some necessities with the TV crew for now, he was glad they didn’t ask about his accident for now. He was sure the team had instructed them to steer clear of it.

He had promised to do an interview to show before the race later today, but just being here felt overwhelming. He didn’t feel ready to talk about it yet.

Walking into his garage a little later, one of the mechanics eagerly pulled him into a hug. The garage team were obviously buoyed by seeing Levi again. Levi had gotten so many caring messages from them, and he was glad to see them again at last.  

Slowly, he approached his car. His number had been replaced by Arlert’s number. Seeing it only strengthened his resolve. This time next week, his number would be back where it belonged. 

Levi was going to simulator work this weekend for the team, see how well his hand still worked with the adjusted wheel. 

There was still a lot of practicing to be done with the new steering wheel the team had developed. The FIA was looking at it this weekend, although it seemed like a formality to get through their scrutiny.

Arlert stood by him, looking nervous.

“Just treat her well, okay?” Levi grunted as he gave the car a little pat. The young blonde nodded eagerly. Even if there were only a few years between him and Armin, Armin suddenly felt like such a rookie next to Levi.

“Does your car have a name?” Armin asked, knowing some drivers named their cars.

“Shitbox,” Levi dryly answered. Armin chuckled, smiling at Levi then. Even if the smile was not returned, Armin had been so nervous about meeting Levi. But so far – he seemed more approachable in real life than in the media.

“I saw the charm in your car, do you want me to take it out?” Armin was not sure, trying to be culturally sensitive.

“Leave it in the car, it’s where it should be. Might bring you some luck as well,” Levi told him, squeezing Armin’s shoulder before he was called away by the team boss,

Armin had been so nervous when he had gotten the call to race in F1 at his young age, but so far, everybody had been so nice to him. It only made him more driven to make it in Formula One someday.  

Red Bull Ring | 8th of July | 22:49 local Japanese time

Kuchel sat in bed next to her husband, looking at the live feed from the paddock and the interviews on the TV in their bedroom. She chuckled while watching Senna’s antics with Levi. It almost felt weird, having been by her boy’s side  only two days ago, to have to resort to watching him on TV again.

She was slightly jetlagged, but she was grateful to have spent the time with Levi. She was glad to be back with her partner now. He had just finished another course of chemo, with two more planned ahead for him.

“Look at him, little Tanuki!” Her partner told her in excitement as they looked at Levi entering the paddock and getting swarmed by the media before the fluffy golden dog jumped on him. They noticed that Levi couldn’t hide his smile as he petted the dog.

“It’s good to see him back in the paddock,” Takashio agreed, a happy smile on his face as he watched his  stepson up and walking. Seeing him on TV brought him so much joy. He had been worried sick about the kid. 

“The driver with the dog seems nice. You met him right?”

“Yes, Erwin was the one that paid for my ticket ”

“Does Levi get along with him?” His stepfather asked, seemingly a little surprised at how closed Levi was getting to the other drivers. Levi had always been such a loner that he had never expected it. 

“Yeah, they are getting close,” Kuchel told him. She hesitated to tell him just how close Levi and Erwin had been growing – lovingly close.

But she didn’t want to take that from Levi. She still thought it was his thing to tell his father, even if it would take him a while. It was his thing to share, no matter how things between Levi and Erwin developed.

Crawling closer to her partner, both of them smiled, seeing Levi so happy in the paddock, recovering and ready to return to chasing his dream.

Red Bull Ring | 9th of July | 13:46 local time

Erwin lined up in second place on the grid. He had tried to beat Miche in the qualifying, but as it was his turn to tow Miche and as a result, he had not been able to get on Pole position. Even so, there was a whole race ahead to make up for it. He could get Miche into the first corner. He will. 

On the screen, just for a second, he noticed a shot of Levi sitting in the garage of his team, next to the team boss. The headset he was wearing almost seemed to swallow him whole. Erwin was glad his smile was hidden by the helmet.

Austria - It was one of his favorite tracks. It was such a nice track to drive, even more so with the scenery around it. The fans were great, and the long stretches suited him.

The engine roared as the red lights turned on, one by one.

The lights went out, and the race commenced with a frenzy of speed and sound. Erwin pushed hard, maneuvering his car expertly through the first corners, staying close to Miche. The thrill of the race coursed through his veins - the familiar rush that made every second worth it.

Lap after lap, Erwin maintained his position, strategically planning his overtake. Some part of him hung on to the knowledge that Levi was watching from the paddock and it spurred him on

He pulled off the overtake—a lap later than he had hoped—but he did it. Going into turn one, he braked later and took the outer line, stomping on the gas he pulled out just ahead and shot into the lead. Adrenaline surged through him as he braced for a call from the team radio, half-expecting the dreaded order to give the place back.

Erwin wasn’t sure what hell Hange was raising in the garage, but whatever it was, it worked.. He got the preferential strategy and soon dived into the pits. Miche followed the lap after, but it was enough Erwin’s out lap on fresher tyres gave him the chance to build a significant delta. 

He was towing Miche if he got too close, but he was confident he could stay ahead.. He could just about keep far enough ahead to deny Miche DRS and destabilize him with dirty air.Crossing the line ahead  of Miche, he punched the air and yelled into the radio in excitement as he drove a triumphant parade lap. Climbing out of his car, he shouted in excitement and rushed to hug his mechanics.. He was leading the championship! 

The gap with Miche… and Levi… had widened.

He felt bad for Levi, but he had to win this championship for himself. This had to be this year, and he was getting closer. He was showing his team that he was the driver that they should back for this year. He was the number one. 

Slightly disappointed not to spot Levi in the crowd below, Erwin reminded himself that Levi probably wouldn’t be comfortable there, being jostled about. It wasn’t as though other drivers usually came to the podium anyway—they typically stayed well away. Still, he enjoyed the moment, spraying Hange with champagne before lifting the trophy high above his head. 

Throughout the podium ceremony, Miche didn’t even look at him. In contrast, the team was celebrating and jumping. At the end of the day it had been a one-two and they had pulled massively ahead in the constructors.

Erwin made his way back to his motorhome after finishing his media duties, eager to return to his hotel. He had booked a suite with a jacuzzi that offered a breathtaking view of the mountains. Tonight, he’ll order room service and indulge in Austrian cuisine, fitness diet be damned.The peace and quiet with his steadfast companion in Senna was exactly what he needed to decompress, shake off the adrenaline and stress and recharge for the next race. 

Tomorrow, he was going to take Senna hiking in the mountains. Erwin loved those moments—the sense of freedom, the crisp mountain air, the way Senna roamed freely but never strayed too far.

“Did Ackerman leave already?” Erwin asked as he wa;led past the pit boxes belonging to Levi’s team, where the mechanics were packing up for the weekend -only to unpack and repack all over again in Hungary next week.

“He left right after the race, still tires out easily,” the blonde he recognized to be Levi’s race engineer explained. Erwin nodded in understanding, quickly walking on before he had to explain why he was asking. There were only so many times he could blame it on the drivers’ association.

When he reached his motorhome, Hange was waiting for him, but Senna was gone.

“Pretty sure I’m missing someone - usually walks on four legs, leaves hair everywhere and whose main hobby is begging for food?” Erwin mused as he looked around.

“Somebody trustworthy took him to your hotel room, he was getting anxious from all the people and noise,” Hange explained.

Erwin nodded, grateful for  how well everyone in the paddock looked out for his aging dog. Over the years, Senna had slowed down - the excitement in the paddock that once thrilled him now seemed to wear him out. As much as Erwin loved having Senna around, he couldn’t shake the worry that the bustling and at times rowdy paddock might be too much for Senna now. 

Somewhere in the Austrian Alps  | 9th of July | 19:04 local time

Exhausted, but overjoyed he made his way back to the hotel. He finished his glass of champagne before stepping out of the car, gathered his belongings, and headed inside.

 As he slid the keycard into the door and stepped into the suite, he was surprised that Senna didn’t rush to greet him. Usually, the dog was at the door the moment he arrived.

The reason became immediately clear when he entered.

Levi sat on the edge of his bed, Senna nestled beside him, the dog’s head resting against Levi’s leg. Levi’s unsplinted hand was buried between Senna’s ears, scratching gently.

A hint of surprise tinged the boyish grin that crossed Erwin’s face at the sight of  his unexpected visitor. Erwin felt a wave of relief and happiness wash over him, and the tension of the long day started to melt away.

"Levi," Erwin said softly, stepping closer. "I didn't expect to see you here."

Levi shrugged, a small smile playing on his lips. "I wanted to surprise you. Senna seemed pleased to see me too."

Erwin chuckled, glancing down at Senna who wagged his tail vigorously. 

"He's probably even happier to see you than I am," Erwin chuckled. 

Levi's smile widened, and he reached out a hand towards Erwin. "Come here, I wanna kiss the race winner,"

Erwin didn’t need to be told twice. He closed the distance between them,pulling Levi into his arms and kissing him. As Levi pulled from the kiss, he laid his head against Erwin’s chest.

“I can leave if you don’t want me to stay… just wanted to congratulate you,” Levi murmured. 

Erwin shook his head immediately. “No, please stay,” he said with a smile, kissing Levi once more.. He was excited to see him, having been expecting to wait till he was back in Monaco to see Levi. Having here now was an unexpected gift. 

Senna pushed against his hand, demanding attention. Erwin scratched behind his ears, and the dog responded with excited jumps, his tail wagging furiously.

“So, I take it you were the trusted person who brought Senna here?”

“No, he was already here, I only came in a few minutes ago from my own room – and no, I didn’t  snoop through your underwear either,” Levi added with a wink.

“You are staying in this hotel too?”

Levi nodded. Though he was in a regular room, not the fancy suite he now found himself in.. Though he was in a regular room, not the fancy suite he now found himself in. Erwin’s eyes landed on the bottle of champagne resting in an ice bucket on the table, a card from the hotel team tucked beside it, congratulating him on his win. Reaching for it, he finally let go of Levi— but not before pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

“Hange snuck me the key on the way out and Isabel drove me here,” Levi explained as Erwin worked to uncork the bottle.

“Did you enjoy watching the race?” Erwin asked. 

“I did. Sorry for leaving before the podium. Too many people, too crowded,” Levi admitted. “And my ribs started to hurt.”

Erwin nodded in understanding. He already thought that it was already admirable that Levi had spent two full days at the track.

“There’s a jacuzzi on the balcony, might help with the soreness? And the view of the mountains? Immaculate,” Erwin said with a smile as he popped the cork. 

Levi nodded, following Erwin outside.“I have some clean underwear I’m happy to loan you if you don’t-” before Erwin could finish his offer to preserve Levi’s modesty, Levi had already thrown all his clothes off, and paraded out to the jacuzzi without a second thought. Erwin only caught a glimpse of his naked, muscled buttocks before running inside to grab them towels. He didn’t dare to look at Levi as he held a towel out at him, his face bright red.

“Here!”

“What? Are you shy or something? We’re all naked in the public bath houses back home. ” Levi shrugged and said nonchalantly as he sank into the water. Erwin still didn’t dare to look at him.

“I can cover up if you want me to..?” Levi offered, seeing how awkwardly Erwin was behaving, realizing that what was utterly normal to him might not be so for Erwin - even if they were in the same sport, there were cultural differences between them.

“No it’s okay, let’s get in,” Erwin said hurriedly with a red face, stripping down as well. Slipping into the water, he settled across from Levi. His body and muscles were sore after the gruelling race today, and the warm water felt amazing. Much better than the cold tub he had to endure under the stern gaze of his physio post race. 

The balcony of the luxurious suite offered a stunning view of the mountains. Even though Senna was older and not as active anymore, Erwin looked forward to taking him up into the mountains tomorrow. He would invite Levi to join him, but while Levi was more mobile now, he was still far from fully healed. Erwin doubted he’d have the energy for the climb—but he would still extend the offer.

“You are right, the mountains are immaculate, ” Levi complimented the view, imitating Erwin’s British accent.

Erwin groaned, splashing some of the water Levi’s way. Levi laughed. He loved getting a rise out of Erwin, though he was careful to never go too far.

Levi let go of a deep sigh. The warm water soothed his aching ribs and hand. 

Erwin took a sip from the champagne bottle, then moved over to hand it to Levi. Levi took a few sips as well, letting the flavour settle on his tongue before leaning against Erwin in the jacuzzi.

“Are you in pain?” Erwin murmured, worry crossing his face.

Levi shook his head, his eyes shut as he relaxed, his breathing even. 

Erwin couldn’t look away at the soft and small face pillowed on his shoulder. Levi was so gorgeous - the warm evening sun made his skin glow, his lips were a soft pink and his eyelashes were so long, many girls would have been jealous of him.

Erwin pressed a kiss to Levi’s forehead and held him even closer. Suddenly his breath caught in his throat and his heart nearly burst out of its seams. He was even more excited now than he was after the race.

After soaking in the jacuzzi while watching the sun set behind the mountains, they finally went back inside. 

Erwin ordered some room service for them, along with more champagne.

Carefully, Erwin pushed Levi onto the bed, pressed his lips onto Levi’s, and propped himself up on his arms to look into his dark and captivating eyes.

“Are you sure?” Erwin asked  again. Levi answered by wrapping his arms around his shoulders, pulling himself up and kissing Erwin firmly. Right now, he didn’t care about the pain in his ribs, he just needed to be closer to Erwin.

“Yes,” Levi said after a few more kisses and Erwin pressed him back onto the bed as he kissed him.

He was gentle as they explored each other’s body.

The night drifted on in a blur of tender touches and whispered words, the world outside the suite forgotten.

Levi found pleasure in his body he had never dared to think about, focused as he was entirely on his sport… but being here with Erwin, feeling Erwin’s gentle touches on his body felt as good as winning a race. He moaned as Erwin entered him, the first time he let a man do so. But it felt trusted. 

They eventually fell asleep, wrapped around each other beneath the silken sheets. The night was peaceful, filled with the quiet breaths of two lovers finding solace in one another, with not a care in the world. 

Somewhere in the Austrian Alps  | 10th of July | 09:06 local time

Erwin wished this morning could last forever. Levi laid  beside him in bed, his breathing steady, the sound comforting after the awful past two weeks where he had struggled to breathe. Every now and then, Erwin pressed a kiss to his head, his fingers threading gently through Levi’s black hair.

The thrill of winning the race yesterday was nothing compared to the euphoria of spending the night together.

Levi stirred and Erwin pulled Levi closer, pressing soft kisses to his hair and lips. 

“Good morning,” Erwin murmured, his voice quiet, his words only meant for Levi to hear.

Levi murmured the same in return, nestling closer against Erwin’s warm chest. Neither of them was eager to leave the bed anytime soon – and Erwin didn’t want Levi to go.

“You want to stay?” Erwin asked. “I was planning on taking Senna on a hike in the mountains, but I’m happy to stay here with you… and I think Senna would be too.” He gestured toward the slumbering dog curled up on the dog bed, soft rumbling snores emanating from his throat.  

“I would love to, but I’ve got to go to Monaco,” Levi admitted, “Seeing my physical therapist and surgeon today”

“Surgeon?” Erwin’s curiosity piqued.

“I might need surgery during the summer break on my fingers,” Levi nodded, “but first I have to race in Hungary next weekend.”

Erwin nodded, though concern lingered in his mind. He still wasn’t sure Levi was ready. The teams had modified his steering wheel to help him manage, Levi had told him—but Erwin couldn’t shake the worry.

Still, maybe getting back in the car would be good for him. Help him regain some confidence.

Levi slipped out of bed, heading to the bathroom.

The empty champagne bottle – and a second empty bottle lay on the floor amidst their tossed clothes.

Levi stepped over them, wearing the shirt that Erwin had given him. It was so long on him. Erwin couldn’t stop looking as Levi disappeared into the bathroom.

Erwin ordered them room service and when Levi returned, they laid together till there was a knock on the door.

“Don’t worry, I paid them off.” Erwin said as he carried breakfast inside. Levi looked in awe at the whole breakfast spread that Erwin had ordered. Settling back on the bed, Erwin laid out the laden dishes. 

“Can you help me get the splint off?” Levi asked hesitantly and Erwin immediately sprang to do so. .

“Gonna need to try and use those fingers,” Levi muttered as Erwin gently took his hand.

Carefully, Erwin removed the splint. Levi’s two fingers trembled slightly, covered in scars, shriveled from the injury. Erwin pressed a soft kiss to the tips, his touch impossibly tender—he’d rather do anything than cause Levi pain.

“Have you regained any function?”

“Not really. Not sure if I ever really will,” Levi admitted.

“As long as you are alive, that’s all I need,” Erwin told him.

Levi wanted to say they were being stupid. That this was foolish. The media would find out. Or worse, they’d turn against each other when the championship battle intensified. It was a stupid idea.

And yet, here, with Erwin… he couldn’t make himself walk away.

Chapter Text

Nice Côte d'Azur - Aeroport de Nice| 13th of July | 12:06 local time

Isabel walked with him as they made their way to the private jet waiting for them on the airstrip.

It was not the first time he flew private recently, but Levi still felt awkward almost as he boarded the jet. Earlier this year he had already been excited to fly business, now he was almost getting used to flying privately.

The last few days in Monaco were spent getting him in driving shape. He hardly felt well yet, but knew that he had to get back in the car before the summer break. He was still aching and sore all over - his hand hardly moved and protested in pain when he tried to. 

Above all - He knew his team might replace him over the summer break if he was not able to get back into the car.

Erwin hadn’t been in Monaco, so they hadn’t been able to see each other after Levi left his hotel in Austria. He had spent the week at his team's factory in England. He had sent Levi an endless stream  of pictures of Senna and himself enjoying the countryside villa Levi had visited. Their text exchanges couldn’t make it more clear that they were aching to be with each other again soon.

The first day off painkillers, moving his hand made him feel as though pain was drilling into his skull. The pain shot up his arm and the morning’s physical therapy session had his gasping and seeing stars barely five minutes in. The race was only four days away - there was no choice but to clench his jaw and endure the pain. Somebody from the FIA had come by earlier this week for a random drug test. Levi felt he had been through hell and back the last month, yet nothing was as uncomfortable to him as pissing in a cup with a FIA official watching him.

The plane took off, Levi settling by the table as he knew he was getting food Isabel had ordered for him. It all still felt so over the top. His time was worth more than money, so no expense was spared on him. The thought made him shift uncomfortably. Maybe he wasn’t meant for the high F1 life after all. 

“Are you ready?” Isabel wondered as he dug into the salad he was served. He hadn’t eaten yet, having rushed to the airport from the physical therapy session. 

Levi shrugged.

He had spent the week in the simulator, working with his new steering wheel. And when he wasn’t, he had been in physical therapy and training to get in the best shape he could.

His mother had asked him the same yesterday on the phone and he had told he was ready. 

But he didn’t feel ready. Despite his best effort at preparations, he knew he was lacking. His body was still sore and he wasn’t pulling the weights or running even half the distance he normally did to stay in the right condition to race. Racing was already brutal when he was at his best. He didn’t think he’d even make it through a F3 or F4 race with the way his body was right now. 

Hell, he might not even be able to finish a karting race against twelve year olds at this point. 

Although Isabel, Furlan and the other team members kept assuring him that it was okay if he sat out the race to recover, Levi knew deep down it wasn’t an option. 

The media were like sharks circling, already printing rumours that his injuries were career ending. 

Nevermind how much they had been talking him up before.His stock in the circuit was falling with every race weekend. And in F1, you were only as good as your last race. Regardless of how the mechanics felt, he knew that the management team was losing their patience with him. And if he didn’t show some results soon, he’d be booted as soon as they could sign the next boy wonder. 

The stress had him grinding his teeth and sometimes, his uncertainty made it hard to talk around the lump in his throat. 

Hungaroring | 14th of July | 08:03 am local time

When Levi next walked into the garage, he was immediately cornered by Eld’s kids who begged him to sign their shirts and caps. The kids were attending a few grand prix this year and this visit happened to line up with the last race before the summer break. 

He obliged and talking to the kids helped distract him from the frustration he felt at being unable to hold the marker properly. The scrawl he made looked nothing like his usual signature. It frustrated him, but he kept it in for the kids. The young boy and girl still chattered, completely excited from receiving his scribbles on their merchandise. 

Eld and his wife looked on nervously as Levi crouched down by the kids, unsure if Levi was alright with the attention the kids were demanding from him. To everyone’s surprise however, Levi turned out to be really good with kids. He matched their energy as he showed them around the garage and answered their endless questions. The two kids hung onto his every word. 

Levi was sure Eld must have explained it all to them before, but the kids still seemed thrilled to hear it from him.

They had made drawings for him as well, and Levi smiled as he took in the drawings of him on the podium, going fast in his car and more. 

He knew he wasn’t the happiest and most extraverted person in the paddock, but it always surprised him how people thought he would be bad with kids.

“I want to sit in your car!” Eld’s son declared as he gazed in awe at the sleek black car ready for Levi in the garage.

“It’s the same car as mine….” Eld tried to stop his son, but Levi nodded.

“Sure, but somebody else is going to have to lift you in,” Levi said, as his ribs were still too sore. Eld checked again if it was okay, before lifting his son in. Levi tried to hold his laughter when his son told Eld he liked this car more because it was faster.

Their cars were the same, Levi was simply the faster driver.

Levi wouldn’t tell him that, as it was adorable the kid thought it was the car – and given Eld was his dad, maybe it was better for him to believe that it was because of the car.

“You’re still in pain?” Eld murmured his teammate as they stood together, watching his son sit in Levi’s car and pretend to drive it.

“My back mostly,”

“That sucks-”

“Mostly from carrying the team's points on my back. You scored fuck all when I was out!” Levi quipped at Eld, looking as the Norwegian let go of a wry smile.

“Still an asshole,” Eld chuckled, although he was glad to see the rookie back in the paddock. He and Levi were not the close friends some other teammates were, but there was a good enough rapport between them that helped them work together on and off track Whenever an awkward moment surfaced during all those marketing videos they had to shoot, it was mostly to blame on their age difference and being on the complete opposite ends of their careers Eld was only planning on doing a few more years before retiring to spend more time with his family.

They were joined by their team boss as well. Levi had wanted to go see him in his trailer earlier, but he had been in a meeting. Levi had spoken to him a few times on the phone during his recovery and had seen him in person in Austria but only for a few minutes.

He was nervous, nervous about his career. Even if he had done everything to recover in the last weeks, it felt that his team boss doubted him, doubted his drive. Levi looked up, the man awkwardly wrapping his arms around Levi.

There wasn’t much warmth in the hug.

While Levi would forever be grateful he was given this chance, the older team boss had never been warm or nice to him.

It made his nerves even worse.

“Ready to get back in the car?” The team boss asked as he let go of Levi. The older man towering over Levi.

Levi rested his left hand on the edge of the car, eyes fixed on it. He wanted to say yes - the answer was right there on his lips. But it would’ve been a lie. Then again, when had that ever mattered to him?

“I’m not sure,” Levi admitted.

“You better make up your mind. We’re losing points in the constructors championship and you’re falling behind in the drivers’ standings,” his team boss snapped. Levi was not sure if it sounded rude because of his Austrian accent, or because he was disappointed with Levi. Levi knew that the man had already been upset that Levi had not made it back in time for the Austrian round.

“Didn’t exactly plan on flying in a catch fence,” Levi muttered.  

“Look, I’m sorry about the accident. It wasn’t your fault and I know the recovery has been rough and you are still in pain. But you are getting in that car, or you are out,” The team boss warned him in no uncertain words.

“That isn’t fair!” Furlan spoke up from his desk, throwing his headphones to the side as he glared at the team boss.

“It’s a competitive sport, we can’t keep using your car with a reserve driver that has too little experience to score points,” The team boss tutted, impatient with the entire conversation.

“What do you need me to do? Go back and not crash into a fucking fence when it wasn’t even my fault?” Levi finally exploded, squeezing the marker in his hand until it nearly broke. 

“I need you to get in that car and score some points. That’s what we need of you!” his team boss shouted back.

Levi looked down, he was still still fumbling with the marker.

It wasn’t that he was at a loss for words, he was ready to explode, spout his whole mind at the team boss – probably with multiple obscenities and burning all bridges in the process.

“Get in the car, or you can find yourself a new seat after the summer break!”

With that, the team boss stormed out, and the pit box fell eerily quiet after the echo of a slammed door..

“That… that was not okay,” one of the mechanics muttered while shaking his head. Isabel stood frozen, fighting back tears as she looked at Levi.

Even mechanics from other teams, FIA staff, and media had gathered near the open pit box door, stunned by what they’d just witnessed in public that was usually only said behind closed doors.

Biting the inside of his cheek, Levi pushed past the gathered crowd and headed to his motorhome. Tears burned in his eyes, but he managed to fight them back. 

Taking a few deep breaths, and after he had some time to calm down, he eventually went back to the garage. The mechanics seemed to act like nothing happened. The kids joined him again, still star struck and excited about spending time with a superstar in their eyes. Levi could only imagine how much the yelling had scared them as well. Kneeling down by them, he forced an encouraging smile on his face. 

“Just went to hang up your drawings in my motorhome,” he lied to the kids. 

Hungaroring| 15th of July | 15:21 local time

At the first true test of his speed in the car after his accident, Levi shocked everyone with a Q1 exit in qualifying. It wasn’t the shock to the crowd that gutted Levi. It was that he let his team down and worse of all.. he scared himself with his lack of form. He wasn’t last, but qualifying sixteenth when he was used to starting on the front two rows.. 

Levi groaned from pain in the confines of his helmet. The pain was like an iron fist crushing him in a tight grip. When the car was safely backed into the garage, he popped the seatbelts and tried to pull himself out of the deep car. His chest ached from the effort and his arms shook from the strain. Furlan’s eyebrows shot up as he put his headset away.  “Get him out, before the FIA sees,” Furlan hissed, careful to keep it down in case of any unwanted microphones as he waved two of the mechanics over. They easily lifted him out of the car, as the other mechanics quickly formed a wall, pretending to work on the car, hiding Levi’s struggling form. 

The F1 were strict with the escape test and randomly checked on drivers every race, springing the test on them. The jump test was designed for safety reasons - a driver had to be able to get out of the car within seven seconds in case of a fire.  

The strong mechanics easily helped Levi out. Furlan put his arm around Levi and walked him towards the back, bending in low to pretend to be talking closely with Levi instead of what he was actually doing - carrying some of Levi’s weight for him. 

“Need to go to the press,” Levi hissed as Furlan sat him down onto a chair, and handed him some water.

“Just take a second,” Furlan said sternly, pushing him down as Levi tried to get up. Levi was trembling, and didn’t put up any fight,  taking another sip of water to steady himself.

“Do you think I should drive tomorrow?” Levi eventually managed to get out in an uncharacteristically small voice. He wasn’t sure of himself at all. After the intense struggle over a mere handful of laps to only qualify P16, the prospect of doing a full race was utterly daunting and made him taste bile at the back of his throat. Seventy laps. During free practice and qualifying he hadn’t needed to go lap after lap for too long. But seventy gruelling laps where every millimetre counted..

“As your race engineer? No!” Furlan told him.

“You heard the team boss… as a friend?” Levi tried to find some conviction  as he took another sip of the water, grimacing as his ribs ached.

“Fúck nó” Furland told him.

“I can’t give up this one shot I have, I could still win the championship,” Levi tried to argue unconvincingly. Even though he appreciated Furlan’s honesty and knew that he was probably right – it was dangerous and he was risking his life much more than usual.

“As your friend, I’m worried about you,” Furlan said in an uncharacteristically soft tone as he put a hand on Levi’s shoulder, afraid to even squeeze in case it hurt Levi. Beyond being Levi’s race engineer, Furlan cared deeply about Levi as a friend as well. Over the last month,  they had gotten a lot closer, Furlan having stayed with Levi through many hard nights and spending a lot of more with him outside of the track and factory.

“Racing is not worth your health and life, Levi…” Furlan told him.

“Too late for that,” Levi shook his head as he looked down at his hand. Furlan squeezed his shoulder after all. Even if he couldn’t convince his friend today, he would make sure he was safe in the race tomorrow.

Hungaroring | 15th of July | 17:05 local time

Erwin walked with Hange to his motorhome after completing the press obligations. He had just lost to Miche in qualifying, and would be starting second tomorrow. He would get Miche in the race though. He knew it. Nothing was certain until the chequered flag after all. 

“You heard how Levi’s team boss went off at him yesterday?” Hange brought up. 

“One of the mechanics told me,” Erwin nodded. He hadn’t been there to hear it. Probably for the best, he wasn’t sure if he could have kept quiet. He knew how hard Levi had been working to get better and the pain he had been through. 

Entering his motorhome, Erwin felt like a coward for not reaching out to him. They had the rule that they wouldn’t see each other at the track during race weekends, but still. 

Erwin thought of calling him, despite their motorhomes being barely a one minute walk apart. His thumb hovered over the call button.

There were too many people around and he worried that someone might overhear them. Especially here. No matter where they were found out, a media storm would erupt. But here, in a country where their relationship would be heavily frowned upon and even outright forbidden, there were dangers beyond the ending of both their careers.

It reminded him of that car ride back in Bahrain.

It reminded him of how stupid he was for falling for Levi, his competitor.

But in the end, he knew he couldn’t stay away from Levi. He pushed down on the call button, only to be directed straight to voicemail.

“Hey… hey Lee… just wanted to wish you well for tomorrow. See you in Monaco, okay?”

There was so much more he wanted to say, but didn’t dare to do so. Not right now.

Hungaroring | 16th of July | 14:41 local time

Erwin looked down at the row of drivers listening to the anthem. Levi was only a few spots down, his eyes averted to the ground. 

While Erwin knew they couldn’t be together on track, he wished he knew what was going through Levi’s head. With all the pressure from his team and the media, he hoped that Levi was okay. 

It was hard to guess from his face. Levi carried the same stoic expression he usually did. Yet, Erwin, knowing all the small details of his face, could not shake the feeling that  something was off. 

There was something in his eyes, something in the way he nervously plucked at the cap in his hands. Erwin noticed the fake smile as he gave it to the kid standing in front of him and quickly diving away into the garage before anyone could ask him anything. 

Hungaroring | 16th of July | 15:01 local time

If Levi wasn’t already feeling slightly sick from the pain in his body and the nerves, the smug smile of his team boss as he got in the car would have made his stomach turn either way.

Furlan had asked him again not to get in the car, but Levi knew he had to do this. He wanted to keep his seat, to prove that he was a world class driver. That he could be a world champion.

Levi really tried, but as soon as the formation lap came on, he was almost dry heaving in his car. His sides were cramping, the barely healed ribs throbbing in the tight brace wrapped around his chest.  

“Levi, are you okay?” Furlan enquired, seeing his vitals shoot up on the monitor.

And he knew it would only get worse. His car was parked. In a few seconds, his car would burst into action, pulling him along the track at insane speeds.

“Yeah… I’m fine,” Levi lied through gritted teeth.

Forcing himself to concentrate, he tuned out Furlan's voice over the radio. He took a deep breath and held it, hoping it would soothe his aching ribs.

Despite having had so much practice with his new wheel over the past weeks, doubt and nervousness bit into him. Just one millimeter off and he would.. 

Deep breath. 

Fucking rain!! As if there wasn’t enough to freak him out already.

The five lights illuminated… thudump. thudump. And..

Now! 

The cars burst away. Levi got a decent start and overtook a car before the first corner. They all settled into a line, and the twenty cars rushed around the track. 

Black spots were dancing in front of his eyes and he only barely made the corner, having to avoid the backmarker beside him. The corners of his eyes were slowly going dark, Levi barely registering what was happening around him. 

His breath had hitched in his throat. He didn’t dare to breathe, the pain in his chest already overwhelming. Felt like knives were pushed between his ribs at every turn. 

“Levi, your heart rate is way too high, pull into the pits! Now!!" Furlan shouted over the radio. 

Levi didn’t listen. 

He passed the pits to start his second lap. He had lost the position he had gained on the back straight, his hands had shook on the wheel when he was defending, compromising his line and leaving the door open for the other driver to overtake. In sixteenth, he couldn’t even think of how he could overtake. All he could think about was breathing… surviving. 

He passed the pits again to complete the second lap. Barely making the first corner, the g-forces he pulled left him gasping as the belts strained against his chest. Stars danced in front of his eyes as he lost his grip on the wheel. 

Somehow. Miraculously, some unconscious part of his mind had managed to stop the car over to the side of the track. Levi  panicked as he tried to climb out of the car, slapping the marshals away that were trying to help him. Finally, in his frazzled state, they managed to lift him out of the car, and not a moment too soon. 

Taking his helmet off and throwing it towards the fence, he collapsed to his knees. Violently throwing up, he felt like his ribs were about to crack all over again, his breathing unstable. His heart was almost beating out of his chest, his entire body shaking from adrenaline.

Memories of flying into the wall crowded into his mind. The roar of engines, the crowds, the shattering pain. 

From the corner of his eyes, he saw the red flags being thrown before the world turned on its axis and his head met the wet grass.

Hungaroring| 16th of July | 15:06 local time

Erwin stopped his car behind Miche’s as they lined up in the pit straight after the red flag was called. They were told it was only for a few minutes, just to clear Levi’s car away while the medics tended to him. As Levi had managed to stop close to a marshal post, the car could easily be taken behind the fence and the race could be restarted.

Erwin looked up at the jumbo screen, hoping to find out what had happened. Being at the front of the pack, he hadn’t seen anything.

He couldn’t help but worry about Levi. 

Hance was already rushing his way, taking him with them into the garage. 

“Levi crashed?”

“No, he collapsed on the side of the track on lap three ,” Hange explained as they held Erwin’s helmet. Erwin looked concerned, but nodded. He knew that whatever happened, Hange would have told him. There were no secrets between them. They knew how close they were.

“Most of the mechanics think it’s because his team boss went off at him in the garage. Put too much pressure on him,” Hange explained as they walked into the garage, as it would be at least ten minutes before the race resumed.

“Doesn’t sound like him,” Erwin shook his head. He had seen a more vulnerable side of Levi, but even then he could not imagine him cracking under pressure like this in the paddock.

He wished he could go talk to him, text him.

“ Levi Ackerman has been taken to the medical centre for supervision. The race will resume in 10 minutes ” the commentators told them. He sighed with relief, but his desire to see Levi privately soon only grew bigger - maybe even bigger than winning the race and keeping his lead in the championship. 

Wait. What? 

His jaw slackening, Erwin realised with a start that his need to make sure Levi was alright, to hold him and see for himself that Levi was safe - was so much more important to him than winning the race. 

Hungaroring | 16th of July | 18:01 local time

Levi was cleared from the medical center after the race. They had monitored him, administered fluids and oxygen and he was slowly calming down. Levi had called his parents as soon as he could to soothe their worries. He knew that they would have been watching and would have been worried sick, and that gave him the strength to make it through the call.  

He wished his mother was here with him. Usually he felt he did well managing his emotions. But he wished she was here now, she always knew what to say to make him feel better. 

His chest hurt, but worse than the pain was the pressure he felt. Pressure because he felt he was spiraling, that he was losing his composure.

That he was coming loose at the seams. 

It felt like everything this weekend had been piling on. He wanted to pretend that the team boss, media and the pain had not gotten to him. But it has gotten to him. More than he would ever want to admit. 

Isabel sat with him, caressing his hand as he tried to get a hang of himself. Not only was his entire throbbing in pain in his body after just the two completed laps, but he felt embarrassed. Pathetic. 

He knew the media would have a field day with this. The sharks could smell the blood in the water. 

“I’m sorry Levi,” The team boss admitted as he sat down by the gurney Levi was still on.

“Got in the fucking car, so assume the seat is still mine?” Levi didn’t feel like entertaining him.

“Yes,”

“Good, cause I need the car to win the championship after the summer break,” Levi snapped with the last of his energy, eyes on the ceiling.

His team boss seemed to pick up on Levi’s anger and soon left.

Levi knew he wasn’t just mad with his team boss. He was angry with… he wasn’t even sure. Himself, for letting this weekend get to him mentally. His team boss for being an asshole. 

Isabel helped Levi back inside his motorhome a while later, already aware that somebody was waiting for him. Erwin was seated on the small couch, and immediately got to his feet the moment Levi stepped in. 

“Fuck Levi, I’m so glad you’re okay,” Erwin sighed, pulling the smaller man into his arms. 

Erwin had just won the race and while he had been elated to win it, growing an even bigger margin in the championship, he had been so worried about Levi at the same time. While Hange had assured him that Levi was fine, he hadn’t felt like celebrating much. 

He had for his fans though, and had given them the show they wanted. He was grateful for his fans and no matter how much he was falling for Levi… he couldn’t put it all aside. Even if his feelings told him otherwise. 

“I got you,” he told Levi gently as he held him. 

That was all it took for Levi to break. 

“I’m so sorry you had to see that, I’m so sorry,” Levi sobbed into his chest as Erwin held him. Erwin was surprised at how quickly Levi had broken, and Erwin carefully and gently wrapped his arms even tighter around Levi.

Erwin glanced at Isabel, who gave him a small, reassuring nod. He pressed a kiss to the top of Levi’s head and kept holding him, steady and calm. After a few minutes, he tilted Levi’s face up and wiped away his tears with careful thumbs.

“It’s okay, you’re okay,” Erwin said, his voice low, soft and kind. 

Levi’s tears and emotions that had built up over the  weekend, finally burst forth now that he was with Erwin. He knew he shouldn’t be crying, but the emotions were too much. 

Fuck, he felt utterly overwhelmed. After everything—the pain in his body, the confrontation with his boss, the failure to race—it was too much.

“You are okay,” Erwin said again, gentle as he stroked Levi’s back.

Isabel felt that she had made the right choice in asking Erwin to come see Levi for a few minutes. Levi needed this. 

Even if she wanted to be the one to comfort him, she’d seen his emotions building all weekend and knew that no one but Erwin would be able to give Levi the safe harbour he needed to release his emotions and cry. 

“I’m okay,” Levi said eventually, sniffling. Erwin let Levi out of his hug, though he kept ahold of Levi’s hand. 

“See you in Monaco,” Erwin promised, releasing Levi’s hand. 

Levi nodded and dried the last of his tears. He was grateful that Erwin had come to see him, even if it was just for a few minutes. Especially considering they’d broken their rule of not meeting at the track.

Something in his chest eased, and his stomach warmed. He felt a little better.

The summer break was starting, which helped lift some of the pressure. Once things were wrapped up at the track, Isabel and Levi made their way to the car waiting to take them to their hotel in Budapest.

“Promise me you won’t lose your shit,” Isabel said, biting her lip and holding up her hands. She’d just seen something on her phone. 

Levi didn’t answer. He snatched the phone from her as he slid into the taxi.

She climbed in beside him and slammed the door shut quickly.

Even from the back of the paddock Levi’s explosive swearing in Japanese could be heard from the taxi, his anger barely muffled as he saw the paparazzi picture of him and Erwin embracing in his motorhome, taken through the window.

Chapter Text

Budapest Liszt Ferenc Nemzetközi Repülőtér | 17th of July | 15:01 local time

Levi felt mortified as he went to the airport the following morning.  

That picture of him and Erwin was seemingly everywhere. Even after a very eventful weekend, all the media talked about was the picture of Levi crying in his competitor’s arms, only garnering more sympathy after one of the mechanics leaked even more information about the team boss lashing out at Levi, threatening his contract while Levi had worked so hard to recover – but the time was too short. Eventually the media had said some harsh things about his team boss and even the team had released a statement.

The picture humanized him, Isabel tried to assure him. Plus nobody even considered that it was a loving embrace, all of them only thinking that Erwin was consoling his fellow competitor – and it was well known that Erwin always looked out for all of them.  

It was just an embrace in the photo, although Levi couldn’t help but worry that people would think more of it. 

Erwin had told them that as well it was just him comforting Levi as he had gone to check on him as head of the drivers association and they should respect Levi’s privacy in a vulnerable moment. Levi hadn’t spoken about it at all.

Levi felt relief as they took off a while later, back to Monaco. He would only be there for two days before flying to London. His fingers and hand were getting operated on by a renowned surgeon, hoping that he could regain some more function in his fingers. The surgeon couldn’t promise miracles, but Levi knew he had to try.

He couldn’t keep going with his pain in his hand, his fingers so useless and the palm of his hand so sore.

Kept telling everything it was fine, including his worried parents across the world. But the pain was horrible and he needed it to get better. 

London City Airport | 19th of July | 08:01 local time

It was raining in London — no surprise to Levi - not a dramatic downpour, just the steady grey drizzle that soaked into everything. 

Levi stepped out of the jet and adjusted his coat collar against the drizzle, staring at the taxi that was waiting to take him to the private clinic.

He hated hospitals. Always had. Something about the sterile smell – while he appreciated the cleanliness - and the way time seemed to move slower inside.

Not that Isabel hadn’t attempted to take his mind off it all. The whole flight over she had been musing about the three days they would spend in London so Levi could have the surgery. She was nervous for him, but equally excited. Her cousin had moved to London years ago from Australia and she kept on gushing about everything they were going to do over the next few days.

Isabel walked a step ahead down the stairs and to the taxi, glancing back at him.

“You could try not looking like you’re being marched to your execution,” she said, her voice light.

“I’d prefer that, actually,” Levi muttered.

She rolled her eyes but didn’t press. She knew better, he was scared about his future. The clinic was only a short drive from the city airport and within ten minutes, Levi followed Isabel inside.

The receptionist greeted them and handed Levi a clipboard and a pen. He stared at it for a second too long before Isabel took it from him.

“I can fill that in,” Levi argued, although he knew the scribbles he produced with his left hand were hardly readable.

Isabel was already filling everything out, not listening to his protest and handed the clipboard back in no time.

They sat down. The waiting room was nearly empty. Rain tapped softly on the high windows. Levi’s injured hand rested on his thigh, wrapped in the splint still. He kept his gaze on the floor, but Isabel could see the tension in his eyes.

After a long silence, she spoke.

“I figured you wouldn’t want to go to a hotel. So I called Erwin...”

That made him shift. A barely perceivable movement.

“You what?” His voice was flat in what he hoped was a dangerous way.

“I told him you’d be here for the surgery,” she said calmly, unphased. “And I asked if he could arrange a ride for you. Or meet you. Whatever you need.”

“You went behind my back.”

“I made sure you wouldn’t be alone. That’s all.”

He turned his head slightly, just enough to glance at her from the corner of his eye.

“Why?”

“Because you’ve been avoiding him since the picture came out and when I called him if he wanted to meet you in London…  he told me only lives an hour away from here and you are welcome to stay with him,” she said, her tone quiet so nobody would overhear.

Levi huffed, although he knew she was right about him avoiding Erwin.  

“You just didn’t know how to get there. I gave you a way.”

Levi didn’t respond. His eyes drifted back to the rain streaking down the glass. The seconds ticked by.

“What if he doesn’t want to see me?” Levi worried. He had avoided speaking to Erwin as he didn’t know how Erwin felt about the picture. Maybe he was upset it had leaked, Levi dragging him into his mess by showing his emotions. 

The words were quiet — almost an admission. Isabel frowned in confusion.

“Why? He was nothing short of excited about seeing you,” she said simply.

When the nurse called his name, he stood slowly. Isabel rose with him, reached out to take his jacket and watch in a small, familiar gesture. Her hands brushed his coat and lingered for just a second.

“You’ll be okay,” she said softly. “And he’ll be glad to see you later today.”

Levi nodded once. He didn’t thank her — he wouldn’t. But he nodded at her, and that was enough.

He was brought to a small room he would stay for the next few hours, although he wouldn’t need to stay overnight. Undressing and donning the gown, he waited for the nurse to come take him to the surgical room. The surgeon he had spoken with greeted him, already prepped for the surgery.

His mother had called him this morning, told him that his father and her had gone to the local shrine to pray for his surgery to go well. 

He could have been in Tokyo now, if it wasn’t for the damn accident. 

He hated the stillness. He wasn't built for stillness.

"You’ll feel a sting," someone warned him, faceless behind a mask.

He didn’t respond. He didn’t need to. The sting came anyway — a sharp pressure in the crook of his elbow, followed by the slow flood of anesthesia.

The world slipped sideways.

He thought about Erwin.

That was the last clear thing before he lost consciousness.

London | 19th of July | 14:07 local time

His tongue was dry against the roof of his mouth. The taste was chemical, sour and synthetic. His lips cracked as he tried to speak, and nothing came out but a rasp.

Then — a voice.

Not the nurse.

“You’re fine.”

Soft. Familiar.

“Mom?” he whispered. 

“Go back to sleep, Lee,” an Australian accent told him, feeling a soft squeeze of his hand. Levi didn’t need to be told twice. 

He fell back into the slumber, cloudiness obstructing his every thought. It seemed to take an eternity still before he woke up again. It felt like he had to open his eyes more than a hundred times before he even knew he was alive.  

Levi turned his head.

It took effort, but eventually, the blur beside him slowly shifted into becoming Isabel as he blinked a few more times. She sat curled sideways in the visitor chair beside his bed, reaching to squeeze his shoulder. 

“I’ve seen you look worse,” she said, and reached over to hand him a cup of water and hold out the straw for him. Even with the straw he tried to grab the cup from her. 

He tried to take it with his left hand — the uninjured one. The good one. The one that actually still remembered how to hold things. Their fingers brushed together, but Isabel told him to drink from the straw. 

“You threw up a little,” she added conversationally, like it wasn’t personal and mortifying to hime. “Not on me, though. Points for that.”

God, sometimes he did think they were getting too familiar with each other. 

Levi sipped. It felt like swallowing frost. He didn’t realize how thirsty he was until halfway through, and then he stopped himself, teeth gritting softly against the need.

His hand — the right one — was numb.

Not in a terrifying way. Honestly, it was almost pleasant after having struggled with so much pain in his hand. It was bandaged and raised slightly on a pillow, fingers exposed and slightly swollen with fresh stitches. Not much movement. Not yet. But it was there and still his hand.

He stared at it for a few seconds.

“I stayed,” Isabel said quietly although it was obvious, her voice had shifted and sounded less teasing. Even though the surgeon was renowned and the clinic recommended by multiple people, she always worried about Levi.

“Didn’t want you to wake up alone, neither did Furlan,” she added. Too fast.

Levi’s eyes flicked toward her, the words jolted him awake. Somewhat.

“What about Furlan?” he asked, sitting up slightly in the comfortable bed.

Isabel suddenly seemed hesitant.

“Furlan’s—he’s going to the factory, so we’re—uh, I mean— I’m meeting him tonight...”

A long pause.

Levi tilted his head, which made things spin a little. Still though. He managed to get out, “‘We’re’?”

Isabel froze.

“I meant me. Just me.”

Levi blinked at her, slow and flat – still slightly dazed from the anesthesia.

“Right. So you two are finally getting serious about each other?”

Levi was well aware she had been smitten over him the whole season – even before that.

She looked anywhere but at him. “You’re reading into it.”

“No,” Levi said. “I’m finally reading it correctly.”

Isabel groaned. “Seriously?”

“Do you even have a cousin in London?”

“I do - I never said he was my cousin! I’m meeting her tomorrow!”

“What even happened after the dinner in Canada?”

“It was fun and then you crashed into a wall and we… we grew closer taking care of you,”

“You shacked up with my race engineer while I was recovering?” Levi was more surprised than anything else. While he knew they were growing closer, he had not picked up on anything. 

“We didn’t until after the Grand Prix in Austria! And you were shacking up with Erwin yourself!” Isabel’s voice raised slightly in frustration and embarrassment.

“Is he good in bed? The quiet ones are usually the kinky ones…” Levi slurred slightly as he was still on painkillers. 

Isabel crossed her arms, cheeks hot. “You’re impossible.”

He grinned, sharp around the edges. “And you’re fucking my race engineer.”

“Levi!”

“Don’t ‘Levi!’ me. That’s a conflict of interest,” Levi slurred so arrogantly it always made her laugh.  

“This is why I didn’t tell you.”

“Because you knew I’d be right?”

“Because you’d act like this !”

He was still smiling. That smug, irritating smirk that made her want to throw something. Preferably a pillow as he looked too fragile for anything else.

“I knew there was something going on,” Levi said, too pleased with himself. “The late texts. The inside jokes – you bonded over my trauma?”

Isabel looked skyward. “God, kill me.”

“You didn’t tell me until almost a month later. I thought you loved me,” Levi teased her even more. Helped with the discomfort of the surgery and the clinic.  

“You are literally the worst.”

“And yet,” he said, “here you are.”

“Does he yell box box box when he… pulls into the pits?”

“Levi, shut the fuck up. I beg of you, you absolute numpty.”

“I bet he does,”

“Does Erwin finish as quick as he does in front of you on track?” Isabel finally snapped back, enough to make Levi blush and quiet down - not encouraged enough by the painkillers to keep going. 

Isabel exhaled hard. Rubbed her temples. “Furlan’s going to the factory. We’re meeting tonight. That’s it.”

“Romantic.”

“It’s not like that.”

“Sure.”

“Don’t ‘sure’ me like that.”

Levi shrugged one shoulder. “Look. I’m not mad. I just like being right.”

“Of course you do.”

“And I really like being right and making it your problem.”

“Why do I even like you?” she muttered.

Levi smiled faintly, eyes closing. “Furlan probably asks himself the same thing.”

Levi got told to eat a sandwich he was given, washing it down with some tea. His stomach had felt queasy before, but seemed to settle now. They discharged him just after three as the nurse told him that his observation period was over.

Outpatient, technically. Though nothing about it felt casual.

The surgeon had painstakingly realigned the nerves in two of his shattered fingers and worked on the nerves inside of his hand —delicate work with no promises. The kind of precision that left his hand swollen, bruised, and uncertain.

Now his entire right hand was trapped inside a rigid fiberglass cast, wrapped thick with gauze underneath. It was open on the side, closed with Velcro so it could be removed for his checkup in two days. The cast extended from his fingertips all the way down past his wrist, locking every joint solid. The weight of it pulled his arm down, heavy and strange.

Isabel sat nearby in the hospital chair, a finely knit sweater folded in her lap. She’d chosen it carefully from his luggage — one he always seemed confident in and would keep him warm as even though it was summer, the weather was gloomy.

“You need to sit up,” she said softly.

He blinked at her with a pained frown after his hand got put in the cast.

“Already am.”

“You’re at a forty-five-degree angle. You need to get up. You have to meet Erwin in an hour,”  She shifted forward and unfolded the sweater.

Levi groaned and pushed himself upright with his good hand.

She was careful moving beside him. “Left arm first.”

He grunted and held it out.

She slid the sleeve on slowly, careful not to jostle him. Her fingers were warm against his wrist, bracing. Steady. She moved around to the other side, paused.

“You sure?”

He didn’t answer. Just holding his right arm out, slightly bent at the elbow, the fiberglass cast immovable and heavy.

“Okay,” she murmured. “I’ll be quick.”

She stretched the sweater’s sleeve open wide and eased it carefully over the bulky cast. The fabric caught once on the velcro strap, and Levi winced—a short, sharp intake through gritted teeth.

“Sorry,” she said quickly.

“It’s fine.”

It wasn’t. But he didn’t say it. Isabel was so good to him.

When the sweater was on, she tugged it gently into place. He didn’t meet her eyes.

“Still with me?” she asked.

“Barely,” Levi admitted as Isabel helped him into the soft slacks she had packed.

She smiled faintly. “Good. I need you semi-conscious so you can lie to Erwin and say you feel great.”

She laughed at his groan that followed and crouched to grab his shoes. He reached for one, tried to angle it with his knee and tug it on with one hand. It didn’t work.

Isabel watched for a second, then knelt fully.

“Let me.”

“I’ve got it.”

“You don’t ,” she said, quiet but firm.

He relented. Watched in silence as she slid the shoe on carefully, then the other. Her hands paused at his ankle, adjusting the cuff of his slacks.

“Thanks,” he muttered.

She stood. “Don’t thank me yet. You still have to walk.”

Levi shifted forward and stood with a grunt. His balance faltered—pain flaring deep in his hand, somewhere near the nerves—and Isabel reached out instantly, a hand at his back.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” he lied.

“You ready?”

“No.”

“Well,” she said, grabbing his discharge papers and the duffel she’d packed, as well as the medication for the next few days and instructions. 

“you’ve got thirty minutes to become emotionally prepared – cause there will be a taxi at the back to pick you up.”

Levi exhaled hard through his nose. “God help me.”

Isabel glanced back at him, half-smiling.

“Not God,” she teased him; “Erwin.”

He slipped into the taxi half an hour later after saying goodbye to Isabel and teasing her some more. He thought it was nice for her though… and for Furlan.

The taxi driver was polite, but left Levi alone after some polite chatter. His head against the window as they drove out of the rainy city, the reality of the surgery finally seemed to settle in.

The ache in his fingers pulled his focus back to the present. He adjusted the splint carefully, his movements deliberate yet stiff, as he reminded himself that pain was now a companion he had to endure. His fingers—once nimble, quick, and decisive—now felt foreign to him, as though they were no longer his own.

He knew the consequences of this injury could ripple through his career, threatening the precision and control he needed on the track. The thought was a heavy weight, one that refused to be dislodged no matter how much he tried to distract himself.

Had this been the price of pushing too hard, of chasing glory without pause? Levi’s chest tightened as he wondered how much more he’d have to sacrifice for a career he once thought of as his ultimate dream.

His stepfather has finished chemo as Levi had finished the first half of the season and because of his crash he was not able to finish him. Going to Japan was too long of a flight and the time difference would only set him back in his training and recovery.

Made him feel even more stupid for the crash even though it was in no way his fault.

He was surprised when it pulled off the road near a smaller town on the outskirts of London. Pulling into a small parking lot at the end, Levi smiled as he saw Erwin lean up against his range rover, sunglasses and a cap trying to conceal his identity. Levi got out of the taxi, surprised to meet him here and this gave him  even less time than he thought he had to prepare. 

“I wanted to pick you up myself, but I worried about people spotting me near the hospital. With the picture still going around and all,” Erwin explained as he took Levi’s luggage and loaded it into his own car. Thanking and paying the driver, he opened the door for Levi for his own car.

As Levi slid into the passenger seat, Erwin glanced at him with a mixture of concern and something else Levi couldn’t quite place.

“You didn’t have to come all the way out here,” Levi murmured, his voice quiet. Erwin ignored his protest though, carefully bending towards him in the privacy of the car to kiss him. Pressing a gentle kiss to his lips, he smiled at Levi. He wanted to take his free hand, but Levi moved back against the door as much as he could. 

Levi had expected to be brought to Erwin’s house further away and was surprised to see him already. Overwhelmed maybe even. 

“You’re right, I didn’t. But I wanted to. Wanted to even pick you up at the hospital and wished I could be with you there as you woke up,” Erwin replied as he started the car, surprised by Levi pulling back. He guessed it had been an overwhelming morning… and the picture still loomed between them. 

Erwin just gave him a faint smile, pulling the car out of the lot. He had to be patient with Levi, he knew that. But his care and concern took over sometimes. Especially now that he had just had surgery.

His tone was light, but Levi could hear the undercurrent of genuine care.

Levi glanced down at his hand, the cast bulky but meticulously applied. The white fiberglass was rigid, perfectly molded around his fingers and wrist, with clean, precise edges and a few subtle reinforcements to keep the delicate nerve work stable. 

Erwin’s eyes followed his gaze.

“Did everything go okay with the surgery?” Erwin asked as he tried to keep his voice light, but Levi could hear the concern in his voice. 

He just shrugged, half heartedly. 

“I guess, I’m not the surgeon,”

Erwin let out a slight nervous chuckle, not sure if he should prod Levi with any more questions, as curious and concerned as he was. 

“Looks like they knew how stubborn you are, locking your whole hand down,” Erwin tried to keep the air in the car light once more. 

“Had to keep everything locked down tight to give the nerves a chance to heal, they said the surgery went as well as it could, considering. Realigned the nerves in two fingers and went through the nerves in my hand that got damaged in the crash as well. There’s no guarantee, though. Could be months before I feel anything—or maybe never.”

Levi looked down, watching the awkward bulk resting uselessly on the armrest on the door.

Erwin nodded slowly.

“Yeah… but it’s not forever and it won’t be months…. And you’re not alone.”

There was a quiet pause, Levi scrunching up his nose.

“I don’t want help,”

“I know, but I will help you as much as you let me” Erwin wanted to assure him, although he worried it was only going to push Levi away again. 

Levi met his gaze, a flicker of gratitude in his eyes that Erwin seemed to understand he didn’t want the help, even if he needed it.

Levi also felt he should mention the picture. At the same time he had hoped to have some time to figure out how to bring it up when he sat in the taxi, only to meet Erwin now already. 

The ride was silent for a while, except for the occasional hum of the tires on the asphalt and the distant buzz of insects roaming the countryside filtering through the cracked windows as the rain had let up. Levi leaned back in his seat, letting himself relax for the first time in what felt like days. Erwin’s presence had that effect—steady, grounding, and oddly comforting. He had been so nervous to see him, yet it all felt so normal now. 

“Have you heard anything else about the photo?” Levi finally asked, breaking the silence.

Erwin adjusted his sunglasses, his eyes momentarily flicking toward Levi before returning to the road. 

“It’s dying down. People are more interested in the next race than the past drama. Though I’ll admit, I’ve had to deflect more than a few questions about the ‘state of our partnership’ from the team” He smirked faintly at the last part, the corners of his lips quivering up.

“I hate how things can get blown out of proportion so easily. A simple gesture becomes a headline,” Levi mumbled, although his words were coloured by lingering embarrassment. 

“That’s the nature of the beast,” Erwin said with a half-shrug. “But for what it’s worth, I think most people see it for what it was—just a moment of decency – moment of sportsmanship and humanity.”

Levi didn’t respond, instead watching the countryside roll by. He wasn’t sure if he agreed, but he was too tired to argue.

Erwin turned the car onto a narrow, winding road after half an hour that led toward his countryside house.

He walked around the car to let Levi out and as he opened the door held him before Levi could fall. Erwin could tell he was still slightly dazed, probably to blame on the painkillers. Levi let him as he pulled him in his arms as they got out of the car. 

Erwin needed this hug as well - more so than Levi. He had wanted to do nothing more when he had seen Levi get out of the taxi, but knew they had to be careful in public. Now that they were in the privacy of his estate, they could. 

“No paparazzi to photograph us now,” Erwin told him, choking almost on some emotions as he held Levi. He was so happy to hold Levi, having been worried about him having surgery this morning. Maybe even more scared Levi would push him away after the picture leaked. 

Levi was okay and here with him - and this hug assured him. 

The hug was only interrupted as there was a loud bang. Looking over Levi’s head, he noticed Senna was jumping against the window as he spotted Levi. 

Levi followed Erwin into his house. The familiar scent of fresh bread and cedar perfume greeted him, but it was the excited scrabbling of paws on the hardwood floor that made him pause. Senna, a bundle of golden fur and boundless energy, bounded toward them with an enthusiasm Levi hadn’t seen since... well, probably never.

“Senna, down,” Erwin said sharply, concern in his eyes as he glanced at Levi’s injured hand. The dog skidded to a halt, tail wagging furiously, but his eyes were fixed on Levi as though he’d been waiting all day just for him.

Levi crouched hesitantly, offering his uninjured hand. Senna sniffed his hand delicately, his movements surprisingly gentle despite the liveliness he radiated as soon as he saw Levi, no matter his age.

Erwin frowned, watching closely. “He’s too excited. You should sit; I don’t want him to jump you or hurt your hand—”

“Relax, he’s not going to break me,” Levi replied, his tone sharp but lacking bite. Senna, as if sensing the tension, rested his head lightly against Levi’s knee, his tail swishing softly behind him. Levi’s lips twitched into something resembling a smile, fleeting but undeniable.

“Still, I—” Erwin began, but stopped himself. He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “I just don’t want to make things worse. For you.”

Levi glanced up, his expression unreadable; “He’s fine. I’m happy to see him too.”

And he really was after the surgery and tiresome day – he was even happy to receive his love and affection.

They settled into the living room, Senna curling up against Levi with the kind of loyalty only a golden retriever could radiate. Erwin watched the scene unfold, unable to hide his relief as Levi navigated the interaction without issue, even with his fully casted hand.

“He likes you so much, I think you might even be his favorite.”

Levi scoffed, reaching to scratch behind Senna’s ears. “He’s probably just as perceptive as you. Figures I need all the help I can get – even if it is some soft cuddles,”

Erwin didn’t respond immediately, his gaze thoughtful as it lingered on Levi’s hand. “You sure it’s okay?”

“It’s fine,” Levi replied shortly, but his grip on Senna faltered for a brief moment, betraying the discomfort he’d been trying to mask. Erwin didn’t press, a vow made to Isabel he would take good care of him, even if Levi refused his help outright.

The quiet peace of the house enveloped them as the evening stretched on, Senna’s steady breathing grounding them both in a moment that felt, for once, uncomplicated as they were far from the Formula 1 circus.

Levi didn’t say it out loud, but he was glad Erwin had brought him here—not just to avoid the echoes of an empty apartment.

Levi didn’t speak, his fingers resuming their rhythmic motion behind Senna’s ears. But the silence felt less like avoidance and more like something unspoken weaving itself between them—something that neither had the words to define.

A comfort neither of them had ever had.

Levi sat curled into the corner of Erwin’s couch, his legs drawn up, one arm braced along the back. His injured hand rested on a pillow, elevated on Erwin’s insistence.

Erwin kept walking between the couch and the kitchen, making them a nice dinner and chatting with Levi while he waited for dinner to be done until Erwin waved him over to the dining room.

The villa sat quietly on the outskirts of the countryside, its tall windows glowing warmly against the darkening sky. Inside, the modern dining room was softly lit by a multitude of candles Erwin had lit.

Erwin moved effortlessly around the room, carrying a large platter of roast chicken glazed with herbs, accompanied by bowls of roasted root vegetables and fresh bread he had made this morning.

Levi sat at the table, his right hand resting awkwardly on the edge of the table. The weight pulled on his arm, making even the smallest movement feel heavy and strange.

Erwin noticed the tension flickering in Levi’s jaw as he reached for the silverware with his left hand, struggling to grip the fork steadily.

“Here, let me help,” Erwin took his plate, loading it with the food he had made with so much love and cutting the meat into smaller pieces.

Levi’s pride flared for a moment, but the frustration was sharper – but he let it go, knew that Erwin meant well and he had put so much effort into cooking it.

It was delicious, Levi feeling the love that had gone into the food and eating even a second plate as he had barely eaten anything today aside from a small sandwich in the hospital after waking from surgery.

He sat in the kitchen with Erwin, his head heavy on his available hand as he felt exhausted after the long day – yet he felt so comfortable with Erwin here. The house was warm and Erwin was humming softly as he cleared the dishes away. He refused any help Levi offered him, although Levi felt he was not much help right now at all.

It was dark outside — black glass windows reflecting warm lamplight and candles Erwin had moved to the lounge area.

Erwin sat slightly away from him, but not far. One cushion away. Close enough that Levi could feel his body heat in the space between them, even if they weren’t touching.

The television was on. Levi had only asked for water. His throat still felt like gauze, soaking up all the water. Erwin immediately jumped up to get him more water and tea with honey as soon as he finished the glass.

“Do you want me to make a statement?” Erwin asked eventually, suddenly nerves audible in his voice.

That earned him a glance. Levi’s brow arched, flat and unimpressed. “About what?”

“You. Us. The picture.”

Levi snorted softly. “Let them think whatever they want.”

Erwin didn’t smile, but there was something close to it in his expression. A slight softening around the eyes.

“I thought you might say that,”

Levi leaned his head back against the couch. The fabric was expensive — cashmere, probably. Nothing like his simple couch in Monaco.

“You think this’ll be a problem for you?” Levi asked, not looking at him. “Your image or whatever.”

Erwin exhaled, a slow thing. Not a sigh, exactly. Just the release of air he’d been holding onto for too long.

“It doesn’t matter,” he said. “Not compared to you.”

That silenced the room in a different way.

Levi didn’t move, but something shifted inside him. Sometimes he did wonder if it was just lust they were after… but being so comfortable with Erwin now, he felt it was something more between them.

“Say it like that again and I might actually start believing you,” Levi murmured.

Erwin didn’t flinch. He turned his head slightly, watching Levi without asking anything from him.

“I’ll say it again – nothing compares to you,”

Levi’s lips parted slightly and he averted his eyes as a soft blush dusted his cheeks. He let the silence fill in around them again. He could hear a faint wind outside. Erwin’s place was so peaceful. Something in his heart eased. 

“I hated waking up alone after the surgery,” he said after a long time. Quiet. Almost reflexive. Like a confession.

“You didn’t,” Erwin said. “Isabel was there.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

The space between them was only half a cushion now that Levi had laid down to look at the ceiling.

And still, Levi didn’t reach for him. It felt like too much after his confession.

But he didn’t pull away either when Erwin shifted closer, slow and without assumptions. Just enough that he shifted Levi’s head into his lap.

“I won’t leave you alone again,” Erwin promised. He finally scooted over to kiss Levi on his forehead. Levi settled in his arms now, his eyes drooping shut after the long day. Erwin squeezed his shoulder before he dozed off, inviting him to come upstairs. Levi took his time getting up the stairs, Erwin blowing out the candles and taking his bag up the stairs. Levi looked around on the landing, Erwin opening the door to his bedroom.  

Erwin stood in the doorway of his master bedroom now. The room was large, comfortable—everything Levi had seen Erwin's life to be, orderly and calm. There was a big dog bed for Senna, although the dog was asleep on the couch downstairs.

“You’re welcome to stay here,” Erwin said, voice easy but careful. “It’s more comfortable, and I can be nearby if you need anything.”

Levi looked up, his eyes flickering with something unsaid.

“I...” His voice caught. “I don’t want to be a burden.”

Erwin shook his head gently, stepping closer. “You’re not a burden, Levi. But if you want more space, the guest room is just down the hall. Got its own bathroom so it will be more private.”

Levi swallowed hard, hand and fingers throbbing inside the cast. The guest room sounded safe, but it wasn’t what he wanted.

Not really.

He hesitated, then tried again. “I think... I’d rather stay here. If that’s okay…”

Erwin’s eyes softened as he smiled and laid his hand on Levi's shoulders.

“It’s more than okay.”

Levi’s shoulders relaxed a fraction, but the words still wouldn’t come easily. “I just... I don’t always know how to say these things.”

It was frustrating how immature he felt sometimes, even if Erwin was only a few years older. 

“You don’t have to,” Erwin said quietly, stepping closer until the space between them felt smaller, warmer and he pulled Levi into a hug.

“I’ll do my best to understand you, even when the words don’t come.” Erwin promised.

“Thank you,” Levi said finally. “For... everything,”

Erwin pressed a kiss to his forehead, guiding him into the bedroom.

Erwin stood by the bathroom doorway, waiting patiently as Levi fumbled with tying the traditional Japanese pajamas his mother had brought him, his casted hand making it impossible to tie the top

“Here, let me,” Erwin offered softly, stepping forward to tie the top of his pajamas.

“Thanks,” Levi muttered, even if accepting the help still wasn't easy.

When it was time to settle into bed, Erwin slipped under the covers first, then patted the space beside him.

Levi eased himself in, the casted hand resting heavily on the mattress, Erwin’s warmth close beside him as Erwin shifted to grab a pillow to prop it up.

For a moment, they lay in silence, the quiet hum of the insects of the countryside around them through the slightly open window.

Levi’s breathing slowed, the tension in his shoulders easing.

Erwin’s hand found Levi’s—his uninjured left hand—and held it as their fingers intertwined.

No words were needed.

In that simple touch, Levi felt something unmistakable: he was safe, he was not alone, and somehow, despite everything, he was exactly where he was meant to be.

Chapter Text

English Countryside | 20th of July | 10:07 local time

The morning light filtered gently through the light linen curtains, casting soft golden rays across the room.

Levi stirred first, his head nestled against Erwin’s chest, their arms draped comfortably around each other. For a long moment, neither of them moved even though they were awake. Levi could feel the steady rhythm of Erwin’s heartbeat beneath his ear.

“ Ohayo Gozaimasu ,” Erwin mumbled, his voice deeper and softer now that he had just woken up. He clearly had put effort into learning from the book Levi had given him. 

Levi hummed in reply, tilting his head just slightly to glimpse Erwin’s face. He looked relaxed, a faint smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

“Morning,” he whispered back, the word barely breaking the quietness of the morning.

They lingered like this, unwilling to get up from each other’s arms and the cozy warm bed. It was the sound of padded paws against the floorboards that finally broke the serenity. 

Senna appeared at the doorway, tail wagging enthusiastically, his bright eyes betraying his anticipation for breakfast. He let out a cheerful bark.

Erwin chuckled, his chest vibrating against Levi’s cheek; “looks like someone’s awake and hungry.”

Levi groaned but acquiesced and sat up, his hair sticking up every which way and his eyes still heavy with sleep.

Erwin rose with a grin, ruffling Levi’s hair before climbing out of bed.

“I’ll make it up to you with breakfast,” he promised, scooping Senna up briefly to give him an affectionate scratch behind the ears before settling him back down.

“Stay here. I’ll make something special while I feed him and let him out,” Erwin added as he looked on affectionately at how sleepy Levi was.

Levi rested against the headboard and watched as Erwin disappeared down the stairs with Senna running after him. The muffled sound of cabinets opening, water running, and dishes clinking soon drifted up from downstairs, mixing with the chirping of the birds outside from the slightly ajar window.

Levi settled back into the comfortable bed and pulled the blanket up to his chest. He found his thoughts wandering to the man who had just left his side. Erwin had a strange talent of making everything seem manageable, comfortable. The dull throb of his healing hand seemed less insistent, the pain easing whenever Erwin was near.

It wasn’t just the physical discomfort. The ever present anxiety in himself eased up in Erwin’s presence.  He still felt emotionally immature, but Erwin was so patient with him. Erwin made it easier to breathe.

Being here put a physical and mental separation between their togetherness here and the reality of their lives as competitors. This escape and the summer break made the F1 circus feel so far away.

He allowed himself to relax, some of the tension in his body unwinding as he breathed in and noticed the faint scent of Erwin’s cologne lingering in the air. His eyelids felt heavier with each passing moment, the warmth of the bed and the soothing lull of distant birdsong pulling him into a drowsy haze.

He didn’t even realize how long he had slept, his recuperating body needing the sleep.

It was the sound of footsteps on the stairs eventually that roused him. Levi blinked slowly, his gaze shifting to the doorway as Erwin reappeared.

Erwin returned, carefully balancing a tray laden with an elaborate Japanese-style breakfast: perfectly rolled tamagoyaki, steamed rice, miso soup, grilled salmon, and a variety of pickled vegetables meticulously arranged.

“I thought you’d appreciate something like this,” Erwin said with a hopeful smile, setting the tray on the bedside table, “though it’s probably not quite as good as the real deal.”

Levi blinked, looking genuinely surprised as he sat up to take the tray on his lap.

“You made all this?”

Erwin shrugged modestly.

“I prepared some of it yesterday already. I wanted to make something you’d enjoy.”

Levi’s lips twitched upward and a sincere smile broke through.

“Thanks,” he said quietly, his tone softer than usual.

They ate together, the meal warm and comforting. Erwin was in the bed with him once more, pressing a kiss to his hair. 

Between bites, they talked about the day ahead.

“So are you going to show me around the area?”

“I don’t want to push you, you’re still recovering, and I know how stubborn you can be.”

Levi rolled his eyes, though the corner of his mouth twitched with amusement.

“I’m not made of glass, Erwin. We should go for a walk. Plenty of nice woods and fields around here where nobody sees us.”

Erwin studied him for a moment, as if gauging his energy.

“Alright,” he relented. “But you’ll tell me if it’s too much, won’t you?”

Levi nodded. “I will. Now hurry up and eat. Senna’s already plotting how to steal your leftovers,” Levi pointed out as the dog who was trying to get closer to the tray.

Erwin laughed, the sound light and easy. For the first time in weeks since Levi’s crash, the weight of the world seemed to ease just a little - for both of them. Reminding them of when Levi had been here before.

They got up for a shared shower, Erwin so gentle and attentive with Levi’s hand and cast, it stirred something in his heart. When Erwin’s fingers moved through his hair and gently massaged his scalp, Levi could only groan from how good it felt, and that seemed to please Erwin. 

Levi lingered by the window in the kitchen a while later, his usually sharp gaze was soft as his eyes traced the quiet patterns of the world outside. Erwin was finishing the last of the dishes, having refused Levi’s help.

Senna watched them both from his spot near the door, his tail wagging lazily, as if he could sense they were about to go on a long walk. Levi turned to Erwin, crossing his arms loosely, his posture relaxed but his expression carrying a faint edge of curiosity.

“What’s the plan again?” Levi asked, his voice steady but touched with that familiar rasp of guardedness that even in this tranquil setting, Levi couldn’t shake.

Erwin wiped his hands, leaning briefly against the counter with a quick glance toward Levi.

“I thought we could keep it simple today. It’s about a five kilometer walk through the forest and countryside.”

Levi raised a brow, though the faintest flicker of approval crossed his face. “You sure you don’t have some grand itinerary tucked away in that over-prepared mind of yours?”

Erwin chuckled softly, shaking his head, “no grand plans, I promise. Just fresh air, a bit of peace.. and a picnic.”

Levi regarded him for a moment longer, as if weighing the sincerity in Erwin’s words. Finally, he nodded.

“Alright. But let me carry something. You’re already holding Senna’s leash.”

“He’s better at following trails than you give him credit for,” Erwin teased, earning a faint snort of amusement from Levi. 

Senna perked up instantly, his tail wagging in eager anticipation as Levi grabbed his jacket and Erwin adjusted the strap of a well-packed basket slung over his shoulder. Senna was off his leash, although Erwin did take it.

As they stepped outside, the sunlight greeted them warmly, casting golden hues across the cobblestones and the edges of the wooded path that lay beyond. Levi glanced at Erwin, his lips moving upwards slightly as Senna bounded ahead like a golden blur of joy, glad to see his aging dog still so happy.

They wandered through a quiet, wooded trail that eventually opened into a secluded meadow after nearly an hour, its gently rolling grasses dotted with wildflowers swaying in the breeze. 

Erwin had come prepared - more prepared than Levi thought was reasonable for a casual walk. He laid out a large checkered blanket under the shade of an oak tree and began to unpack the provisions. There were sandwiches wrapped in parchment, a thermos of hot tea, an assortment of fresh fruit, cheeses, and even tiny pastries that looked like they’d come straight from a patisserie. Each item was arranged with care as though Erwin were hosting royalty, not just a simple picnic for two.

Senna was tended to too with a bowl of shredded chicken and a large bowl of water. Senna dug in eagerly. The elderly dog had coped well with the walk despite his age. 

“Don’t tell me you made all of this,” Levi muttered, his tone balanced precariously between awe and exasperation.

Erwin gave a small, guilty smile, placing a folded napkin beside Levi.

“Not all of it, the pastries are from a local bakery. I thought it’d be nice to do something special. You’ve been through a lot.”

Levi frowned, his gaze flickering over the spread before landing on Erwin.

“This is.. too much. You didn’t have to go to this trouble. Especially after you already made breakfast..”

“It wasn’t trouble,” Erwin replied lightly, pouring tea into small, travel-safe mugs; “I wanted to – and you did sleep in for a while this morning so that gave me plenty of time to prepare this.”

Levi shifted uncomfortably. Accepting help, kindness and love had never been easy for him, and Erwin’s generosity only made it harder.

“You’re always doing things like this. I don’t understand why,” Levi admitted, his tone somewhat uncomfortable. 

Erwin paused, sitting back on his heels as he considered Levi’s words.

“Because I care about you,” he said simply as he reached for Levi’s hand; “and this is one way I know how to show it. I don’t expect anything in return, Levi. I just want you to let yourself enjoy it.”

The honesty in Erwin’s voice softened Levi. He huffed quietly, looking away as if the sight of Erwin's kind eyes was too much to bear.

“You’re too good at this, you know..”

“At what?” Erwin asked curiously.

“Making me feel guilty for complaining,” Levi mumbled, his tone tinged with warmth.

Erwin chuckled, handing Levi a sandwich. 

“Then consider this your free pass to stop complaining and start enjoying.”

Levi accepted the sandwich hesitantly, as though it were a fragile thing – instead of himself. They ate in companionable silence for a while, Senna curling up contentedly against Erwin’s side. As the tension in Levi’s shoulders began to ease, he glanced at Erwin and spoke, his voice quieter now.

“Thanks. For all of this. I don’t say it enough.”

Erwin smiled, his expression full of unspoken understanding.

“You say it plenty… and you also don’t have to. I enjoy taking care of you and being with you. You.. being with you.. makes me happy. So I don’t want you to feel guilty.”

As the sun climbed higher in the sky, the meadow seemed to glow with a golden light. They lingered there, talking about nothing and everything.

As the gentle breeze ruffled the grass, Erwin leaned back, stretching his legs out and watching Levi out of the corner of his eye.

“You know,” he said after a moment, his voice thoughtful; “there’s something about days like this that reminds me why I do what I do.”

Levi glanced at him, unsure what Erwin was saying. 

“What do you mean?”

“I mean,” Erwin replied, his tone steady, “that it’s easy to get caught up in the chaos of everything—the plans, the races, the endless striving for something better. But moments like these.. they make it all seem worthwhile. They remind me what I’m fighting for.”

Sure, he fought for his world title, but it felt just as rewarding to make this safe space for himself. At first it was all the nature around him to explore and enjoy with Senna. Now with Levi, it all felt even more rewarding.

Levi let out a soft sigh, though there was no edge to it. “You make it sound easy.”

“Not easy,” Erwin admitted, his voice softening, “but these happy moments make the circus worth it.”

For a while, they simply sat there, the meadow alive with insects, butterflies and wildflowers. Levi allowed himself to relax, the tension in his shoulders dissolving more with every passing moment. And though he didn’t say it out loud, he understood now what Erwin meant. This fleeting peace was something to hold onto, especially amidst the chaos of their lives in F1.

He laid down against Erwin, his head on Erwin’s thigh as the blonde caressed his hair. 

The peace he hoped to find with his parents again as well, when he could see them again… when his dad would be better.

English Countryside | 20th of July | 19:14 local time

After dinner Erwin led Levi out to the garden, where the Jacuzzi bubbled invitingly in the fading light of dusk.

“It’ll help you relax,” Erwin said. Reminded him of when they had gone together in the jacuzzi in Austria.

He worried about his cast, but it didn’t surprise him that Erwin was already taking care of that.

“Fine,” Levi muttered as he allowed Erwin to help him secure the cast around his hand in waterproof bags. He shot a cautious glance toward Senna, who was happily confined inside the house, tail wagging furiously in the window as if the dog could sense he was missing out on fun.

“You really think he’d try to join us?” Levi wondered, as Senna had almost jumped into a forest pond today on their walk.

Erwin laughed, naked and carrying two glasses of fresh juice over to the Jacuzzi’s edge.

“I wouldn’t put it past him. But tonight, let’s not tempt him. I want it to be just us - and the stars.”

Levi lowered himself into the water carefully, a low groan escaping his lips as the heat worked its way into his weary muscles. Erwin joined him, stretching out with a contented sigh, his head tipping back as the first stars began to appear in the indigo sky above.

Levi’s eyebrow lifted as he took in Erwin’s relaxed posture and more importantly, Erwin’s entirely naked body. He realised that Erwin wasn’t wearing swim trunks and must have remembered Levi’s remarks in Austria about growing up and going around naked in bath houses. It was subtle, but Levi knew that Erwin being Erwin, had been deliberate and intentional in his willingness to learn and adapt for Levi. 

Learning Japanese, making a Japanese breakfast, conquering the difficulties of rolling a perfect tamagoyaki.. none of these were things that Erwin could do in a day or even a week. That Erwin had put in the effort over weeks and months to bridge the gaps between them.. 

As Levi thought more about it, he realised how not at all trivial each of Erwin’s gestures were. Each alone was small, almost inconsequential, but all together.. Levi sucked in a breath. It made Levi feel as though Erwin was slowly but intentionally creating space for them to exist together, even down to the smallest detail. It suddenly felt.. so much. It shouldn’t surprise him after Erwin and him had bonded over him learning the language.. but now, thinking about it all, he felt so special.. and dare he say it? Loved.

They sat in companionable silence for a while, the sound of bubbling water mingling with the soft hum of crickets. Finally, Levi spoke, his voice low and thoughtful.

“The championship’s coming to a head after the summer. It’s... strange, isn’t it? Knowing we’re competitors but...” He trailed off as if the thought itself was too complex to pin down.

“But still choosing to be more,” Erwin finished for him gently; “It’s not easy, I know. But I think it’s worth it.”

Levi nodded, his gaze fixed on the sky. A frown grew on his face as his worries whirled through his mind.

“I don’t want this to change. Us, I mean. Even if we’re fighting for the same thing.”

Erwin was surprised Levi said it with so much certainty, knowing how much Levi struggled speaking about his emotions most days. He moved a little closer, searching for Levi’s free hand in the water.

“I want to tell you everything will be fine, Levi. Yet I don’t know… I don’t know if things will change between us and we will be okay. But I will regret it if we don’t find out.”

Levi appreciated his honesty and he was aware that Erwin didn’t have the answer. But his answer was enough for now.

As the night grew deeper, Levi surprised himself by feeling a deep sense of peace and happiness spreading through his body. Erwin shifted closer, so close that Levi felt the faintest brush of a knee beneath the water, deliberate but patient. 

They spoke for a while longer of races ahead, of old circuits and childhood dreams, of quiet things not meant for the media or the team. The space between them lessened with each word.

Erwin moved. One arm lifted from the water, droplets sliding from his skin. His fingers traced a patient line along Levi’s jaw, pausing just beneath his ear. Levi’s breath caught. He couldn’t help it. Erwin hesitated as he heard it, but Levi looked longingly, even if his breath had hitched for a second.

The touch was light, not demanding. Erwin’s palm cupped the back of Levi’s neck, warm against the skin still damp from heat and steam. His thumb brushed a slow arc just beneath the edge of Levi’s hairline.

He let out a breath he hadn’t meant to hold. Let his eyes fall shut while his heart seemed to beat out of his chest.

And when he opened them again, Erwin was still there - watching him, steady and close. Checking if Levi was okay with his touches.

Levi leaned forward, deliberate this time. His forehead brushed lightly against Erwin’s, breath mingling in the warm air between them.

“I’m not used to… this,” Levi whispered. The admission felt like stepping over a cliff’s edge.

“I know,” Erwin said. His voice was soft, but his fingers at the nape of Levi’s neck pressed just slightly firmer, grounding him.

In Austria, Levi had clearly wanted him and Erwin could see that now. But he had to be patient with Levi, he knew that. He happily was for Levi. Erwin was well aware that he was not just a rookie in F1, he was a rookie in love.

For a long moment, they stayed there—foreheads touching, breath shared, water lapping softly around them. No rush. No race cars.

Just this: skin, heat, the sky full of stars.

Then Levi shifted, just enough to close the final distance. His mouth found Erwin’s in a kiss that was soft at first. He pressed his lips harder to Erwin’s when Erwin responded, steady and sure.

Erwin’s free hand slid to Levi’s waist beneath the water pulling him just close enough to be able to hold him.

When they finally broke apart, neither spoke. Words could have ruined it.

Erwin didn’t let go.. and Levi didn’t ask him to.

Levi exhaled, slow and deliberate. He moved back just enough to meet Erwin’s gaze.

Instead, he nodded once. Small. Certain.

And that was all Erwin needed.

With a tenderness that unmade something deep inside him, Erwin brushed his lips once more over Levi’s. Kissing him once more, he held Levi close as they stood up from the jacuzzi. Erwin helped him out, making sure his hand was okay.

They moved in silence, towel-draped and bare beneath the night, the cool air raising goosebumps on damp skin.

Inside, the villa was dim. Senna was asleep now, settled on the soft big couch. Levi followed Erwin up the stairs with a steady gait that surprised even himself. No retreat this time. No guardedness.

When they reached the bedroom, Erwin turned. His gaze searched Levi’s once more as if asking again, if this was still what he wanted.

Levi met it. Stepped in close. Untangled the towel from his waist with his good hand and let it fall.

A flicker of pure ecstasy passed through Erwin’s eyes but still he moved slowly. Careful. Hands cupping Levi’s face as though holding something rare, irreplaceable. 

Levi was, Levi was rare and irreplaceably to him.

“You can tell me to stop,” Erwin whispered against his lips.

“I won’t,” Levi breathed.

And then there was no space left between them.

The first kiss in the dark was deeper. Not hesitant now—seeking, tasting. Erwin’s hands slid down Levi’s sides, tracing the shape of him with a gentleness and patience that undid Levi’s breath. Levi answered with a hunger that surprised even himself, fingers clutching Erwin’s shoulders, his good hand fisting in the soft fabric of the towel arounds Erwin's waist until Erwin shrugged it off between kisses.

When they reached the bed, Levi was the one who pulled Erwin down with him.

Under the sheets, everything slowed again. 

Heat and skin.

The soft catch of Levi’s breath when Erwin’s mouth traced the line of his throat as he pushed Levi back.

The way Levi arched into him without shame, without restraint.

“I’ve got you,” Erwin said more than once against his jaw, at the hollow of his throat, against his mouth when Levi’s nails dug into his back.

And Levi, who did not give trust lightly, let him.

Let him take his weight. Let him pull soft sounds from his throat he didn’t know he could make.

Let the tension between them dissolve, until there was only skin, heat, breath. Erwin was still gentle, but a constant rhythm as he pounded into him. 

When it ended, Levi stayed. Head tucked beneath Erwin’s chin, his casted hand curled against Erwin’s chest, heart still racing in the hush between them as they settled comfortably in the bed.

Neither spoke.

When Erwin’s fingers carded gently through his hair and Levi didn’t pull away, only pressed closer, eyes shut against the steady beat of Erwin’s heart, he thought maybe, just maybe, this was something he could hold on to.

This. Now. Him.

No Formula 1, no racing cars, no team boss, no media, no paparazzi.

Just him.

English Countryside | 21th of July | 10:01 local time

Levi thought he might never get used to the great view from the kitchen, staring out over the countryside as the espresso machine was winding down.

He sat at the breakfast bar, upright despite the loose hang of his joggers and the cast that stretched awkwardly along his lap. He held his coffee in his good hand, thumb brushing the rim like he was grounding himself.

Across from him, Erwin leaned into the counter, hands around his mug, elbows braced. No race suit, no team polo today. Just a dark navy quarter-zip Levi thought looked amazing on him, even if he didn’t say it out loud.

The air between them was warm, domestic even.

It made Levi comfortable and restless at the same time.

“Are you staying in the United Kingdom the whole break?” Erwin asked. While they didn’t have the whole summer break off, they would both have two more weeks before going back to the factory.

Levi shook his head.

“Got a post-op check-up on Thursday in London. After that I’ll fly to Slovenia.”

Erwin blinked.

“Not Japan?”

Levi’s grip on the mug shifted.

“Can’t.” He kept his tone even; “flight’s too long, doctor doesn’t want me sitting that long this soon. Concerned about blood clots on longer flights. And the time difference is a bitch when you’re on painkillers.”

Erwin watched him with a concerned frown.

“You’ve been wanting to go for months,” he told Levi, as had been clear since Levi had told Erwin about his stepfather and the cancer.

Levi didn’t answer.

Just looked down at his coffee, jaw tight.

“Slovenia closer,” he said eventually; “Furlan’s there for the summer. Quieter. Less press. It will be nice to spend time with him. Isabel can take some time off,”

Although he was not sure if Isabel would be happy being away from Furlan. 

Another pause before Erwin spoke to him.

“How is your stepfather?”

Levi's eyes flicked up. The question didn’t surprise him. But it still hit somewhere soft. He didn’t talk about his stepfather, as he felt he might crumble in the fear and sadness.

“He’s... holding on,” he said, voice quieter than before; “chemo’s finished for now. We should find out more soon. Probably needs to have surgery.”

“I’m sorry.”

Levi nodded, once. He wasn’t looking for sympathy, but the sincerity in Erwin’s voice didn’t grate. Not this time.

“I could send you to Japan,” Erwin offered; “my jet is grounded this week. Direct to Tokyo. Fewer hours. More control over the schedule.”

Levi stared at him. Really stared in disbelief.

“You’d do that?”

“Yes.”

Levi looked away, out toward the bright blur of the garden. He exhaled through his nose slowly.

“I want to go,” he said, almost to himself; “but if I show up like this; Injured, fucked up, unable to help much. I think it might break him. And I don’t think I can watch that.”

Erwin didn’t speak. Just listened. He didn’t agree with what Levi was saying, but respected his choice.

“He told me not to come,” Levi continued; “said he’d rather I recover properly. That seeing me like this would make him feel guilty. Which is stupid. But... it’s him.”

Erwin’s voice was gentler now. “So it’s not that you don’t want to go. It’s that he asked you not to.”

Levi nodded.

“I’ll go later. When I can stay longer. When I’m not just another worry to my parents.”

A long, thoughtful silence followed.

“You’re still welcome to take the jet,” Erwin said; “even if it’s just for when you’re ready. You just have to ask,”

Levi met his eyes. Something in his expression shifted—grateful, raw.

“Thanks,” he said; “but if I show up at Narita or Haneda in your jet, the media’s going to lose their minds.”

Erwin’s mouth twitched in a silly smile; “we could put an Underground Racing sticker on the tail.”

“I’ll crash it myself,”

They both cracked a faint smile.

“What about you?” Levi asked; “Are you doing another solo survival hike?”

“Snowdonia this year. Senna’s too old, so just two days. Two days out there, then I’ll stop by my parents’ place. Then next week, Monaco again. Hange and Pieck want to take the yacht out.”

“Sounds fun,”

“You’d be welcome.”

Levi shook his head. “No. You should enjoy it without me brooding in a corner like a storm cloud. Also, hanging out with your race engineer too? I’d push it too far, flying too close to the sun inter-team wise.”

Erwin raised a brow. “You could try not brooding.”

“You could try not being an overly perfect twat, but here we are..” Levi mumbled, although they smiled at each other then.

Finishing their coffees, Erwin offered them another. Levi glanced at Erwin again.

“You didn’t have to offer the jet.”

“I know,” Erwin assured him.

“But you did,” Levi was still somewhat in disbelief. Offering him his private yet to fly across the world.. He could only imagine that the amount of money needed to fly the jet to Japan, staff and all, would make a dent even in Erwin’s fortune.

Erwin shrugged, like it didn’t mean anything. Levi didn’t believe it for a second.

“You’re annoying when you’re thoughtful,” he muttered.

“You’re easier to talk to when you’re injured,”

“Don’t push it,”

Erwin smiled into his coffee.

And just for a moment, in that sun-washed kitchen with the scent of toast cooling and the sea in the distance, they weren’t rivals or teammates or anything the cameras could explain. Levi moved in for a kiss. Even if he was excited to go see his friend in his home country, he wished he could stay with Erwin forever in this little piece of heaven. 

Chapter Text

Slovenian countryside, near Ljubljana | 22nd of July | 11:12 local time

The taxi rumbled away down the gravel road, leaving a trail of dust in the warm late afternoon sun. Levi stood still for a moment, taking in the farmhouse in front of him. It was not far from Ljubljana, just outside one of the small villages near the airport.

It wasn’t much to look at by Monaco standards, a rough looking farmhouse with whitewashed walls, clay roof tiles and chipped, wooden shutters warped by rain and heat. A low stone wall traced the edge of the garden, overgrown with lavender and sage and falling apart at some points.

Furlan worked on it every free weekend, Levi was all too aware. All his money went into fixing up the old farmhouse and Furlan had shown him progress pictures. Furlan’s commitment to the work made Levi pause every time . 

Furlan came out to meet him, wiping his hands on a rag. There was a smear of what looked like old paint on his cheek, and he wore worn linen pants and a faded T-shirt that read Postojna Cave Adventure Park in cracked letters, hardly readable under all the scuffs and paint. Very different from the near team-polo he wore on track.

“About damn time you showed up,” Furlan called out, grinning.

“Tch,” Levi scoffed, but the edge of his mouth twitched.  

He stepped forward stiffly, shifting his bag to his good side.

Furlan hugged him with one arm.

“Isabel said surgery was pretty rough,”

“Don’t start,” Levi muttered, but he didn’t pull away when Furlan gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze. He had had his checkup this morning, but didn’t want to talk about it. His hand was still too swollen to be useful, the wound had looked gnarly and he was glad when his hand was wrapped up in the cast again so he didn’t have to look at it. 

His painkillers had been lowered though, as had some of his other medication, now that he was five days post op. 

They walked up the small stone steps to the porch. Furlan opened the old wooden door with a dramatic flourish.

“Welcome to my masterpiece,” he said, half-joking.

Levi stepped inside. The air smelled of sawdust and dried herbs. Sunlight spilled through wide, slightly crooked windows, catching on uneven floorboards and a mismatched collection of secondhand furniture. There were clay pots of rosemary and mint on the windowsills, an old iron stove in one corner, and thick wool blankets folded neatly over a sagging couch.

It wasn’t fancy. It wasn’t polished. But Levi preferred it over Monaco by a million miles. 

Furlan led him deeper into the house, pointing out details like an overeager tour guide.

“Check it out — original beams from the old barn out back. Spent two months sanding those bastards down and staining them their original colour. That table? Found it rotting behind a neighbor’s shed. Let me have it for a bottle of Rakia. I fixed it up myself.”

Levi paused, fingers brushing the smooth wood surface. It still had scars and uneven coloring, but he thought it was amazing Furlan had fixed it up.

Furlan watched him carefully.

“I know it’s not your usual… Monaco luxury bullshit.”

Levi shook his head once, knowing his friend was taking the piss.

“You know I hate the Monaco luxury,”

Furlan wanted to crack a joke. Needle Levi that he sure didn’t mind the luxury when it was Erwin’s house, but knew Levi would probably close down. 

They reached the small guest room. The bed was low, an old iron frame, layered with a faded quilt. A narrow bookshelf stood in the corner, half-filled with dog-eared books and local guide pamphlets.

Levi set his bag down on the floor, scanning the walls. There were no giant sponsor logos, no sterile white walls, no glossy finishes.

No million dollar mansion in the English countryside.

And still, he liked both of the houses he was spending part of his summer break at. 

Furlan hovered in the doorway, not sure if Levi wanted him to help unpack because of his hand.

“I’ll get some tea going. You settle in.”

Levi nodded, running his thumb absent-mindedly along the edge of his cast. When Furlan left, the room fell silent except for the distant sound of a kettle clicking on the big stove in the kitchen.

He sat down on the bed slowly, feeling the springs creak under his weight. A breeze pushed through the open window, stirring the thin curtains.

Later that afternoon, they had made their way outside the farmhouse.

The sun scorched over the rolling fields around them, the heat casting distorted lines as it spilled across the farmhouse garden. Cicadas buzzed in the small trees lining the stone path, and somewhere nearby, a dog barked once, then fell silent again.

Furlan leaned against the wall, a bottle of water in one hand and a half-folded set of blueprints in the other Levi had just inspected. Levi was crouched in front of an old wooden window shutter, inspecting the cracked hinges.

“You sure you don’t want to go into the city?” Furlan asked; “Ljubljana is pretty nice this time of year. We could hit the market, get some ice cream, you could stare at tourists and judge them.”

Levi snorted. “Tempting. But no.”

Furlan tilted his head, studying him.

Levi glanced over his shoulder.

“I’d rather stay here today,” he said, more quietly now; “we can go to the capital tomorrow. Might as well be useful while I’m here.”

Furlan laughed, shaking his head.

“Useful? You’ve got one working hand and a shit personality to boot.”

Levi clicked his tongue, ignoring him.

“Pass me that screwdriver.”

With a resigned sigh, Furlan handed it over, and Levi awkwardly positioned it in his good hand. His movements were clumsy at first, each twist of the wrist slower than he liked. But his eyes narrowed, and he kept going, determined not to ask for help.

Furlan watched him for a moment, leaning closer.

“You know you’re allowed to just sit in a chair and scowl at me while I do this, right?”

Levi didn’t look up.

“Shut up. You’ve been doing it wrong.”

Furlan burst out laughing.

“I’m not even the one touching it!”

Levi pressed harder, adjusting the hinge. His cast knocked against the frame, and he sucked in a sharp breath, shoulders tensing. Furlan’s smile faded instantly.

“You okay?”

“Fine.”

Furlan reached over, resting a hand lightly on Levi’s arm.

“You don’t have to prove anything here. Really.”

 “Just... want to feel normal for a few hours. My parents have this old Japanese townhouse in Tokyo and I always help fix it up. Reminds me of home.”

Finally, Furlan gave him a small, understanding nod.

“Alright! But at least let me hold it steady while you work.”

Together, they slowly fixed the hinge, Levi directing with curt mutters and quick glances while Furlan braced the shutter. When they finished, Levi stepped back, surveying their work.

“It’s crooked,” he announced.

Furlan groaned, throwing his head back. The one thing he knew his friend to be was a perfectionist – and Furlan had long since given up on making anything about the nearly century old farmhouse perfect.  

“Are you serious? It’s fine, it’s got its charm!”

They ended up spending the rest of the afternoon like that, mending a broken garden gate, sanding a shelf in the kitchen, watering the patchy vegetable beds. Levi moved cautiously, sometimes pausing to cradle his injured hand against his chest, but he refused to stop entirely even when Furlan told him to.

When the sun finally dipped behind the hills, Furlan stepped onto the porch with two bottles of cold local beer. He had driven into the local town to pick up pizzas for them.

He handed one to Levi, who took it with a grunt.

“To tomorrow,” Furlan said, clinking the bottles together gently.

“Yeah.”

“And to being terrible tourists in Ljubljana because I can’t stand another day of you taking every bit of charm out of this shithole.”

It wasn’t true, he appreciated his friend helping him and it was nice with Levi. Both of them were comfortable just being quiet as they worked save for the quips every now and then.

Levi huffed, looking away. He didn’t hide the tiny smile that tugged at his lips though.

Snowdonia | 22nd of July | 18:48 local time

The early evening mist had started to curl around the mountainsides of Snowdonia.

Erwin stood at the edge of a narrow trail, boots planted firmly on the slick ground. Senna trotted ahead, his neon orange safety harness flashing between low shrubs and ferns. Every so often he’d stop to sniff a rock or glance back at Erwin, his tail swinging happily. Always making sure Erwin was still there with him. 

“Don’t get too far,” Erwin called, voice carrying easily in the quiet valley.

Senna barked once in reply as if to answer him and then continued forward.

Erwin adjusted the strap of his backpack and took a slow breath, letting the cold fresh air settle into his lungs.

He should have felt free here. Away from the endless team strategy meetings, away from the media cameras always hunting for a headline, away from the pulsing.

Away from Levi. As much as he wanted to be with him, as comfortable as he was with him, it was confusing to be with his competitor. 

But as he looked across the rolling slopes, his mind stubbornly stayed with Levi. He hoped he had gotten to Slovenia well after going to London yesterday as Erwin had packed up to drive to Wales. 

He had asked Levi to text him. He hadn’t, but Erwin didn’t worry. He knew that it was probably just Levi being bad at texting and his signal had been spotty at best. 

Erwin pressed his tongue against the inside of his cheek, feeling a smile tug at the corner of his mouth as he thought of Levi. At his flaws, like being a horrible texter. 

Senna bounded back toward him, splashing through a shallow puddle and spraying mud across Erwin’s hiking boots. He looked down at him, raising a brow.

The dog barked again, as if laughing at him. He turned and trotted down a side path, His harness a small beacon in the gathering dusk.

Erwin followed slowly, stepping over slick roots and stones. His thoughts drifted to the upcoming second half of the season, how they would be forced to appear as rivals again, how Levi might withdraw from him again.

Erwin closed his eyes for a moment.

When he opened them again, Senna was sitting at the edge of a small outcrop, staring out over the valley as if he too had something to contemplate. Erwin climbed up beside him, resting a hand on his harness.

Below them, the darkened hills dipped and rolled into the mist, flocks of sheep scattered across the slopes. The heather made some splotches even darker as the son was setting.

It was the second day of his multi day hike and he knew he had to set up his tent soon.

He sat down on a damp rock, legs stretching out in front of him, and leaned back with a sigh.

“Are you thinking of Levi too?” he asked Senna softly, knowing he wouldn’t answer.

The dog shifted closer, resting his head on his thigh.

Erwin chuckled, low and tired. 

“I wish I could stop thinking of him too.”

For a long while, they sat in silence together.

In that lonely, perfect quiet, Erwin let himself imagine, just for a moment, what it might look like to be beside Levi without the world clawing at them from all sides.

Just them together, as peaceful as he felt tonight.

Ljubljana | 23rd of July | 13:22 local time

The afternoon sun in Slovenia was sharp once more. The café was nearly empty now, the clatter of plates and cutlery fading as the lunch crowd thinned while Levi and Furlan sat in the restaurant. There was seating outside and they had wanted to sit there to people-watch, but Levi had been recognized within minutes so they had dipped inside where the cafe was mostly empty.

Levi sat across from Furlan in a corner booth, fingers absently tracing the rim of his glass.

“So… are you going to say something about you and Isabel?” Levi finally brought up, partially egged on by the big glass mug of local beer in front of him.

Furlan leaned back, clearly not sure what to say for a second.

“You figured it out, huh,” Furlan said quietly, not unkindly.

Levi glanced up, eyes sharp beneath the fringe of his hair; “Wasn’t hard because you know Isabel won’t keep her mouth shut. She ratted you guys out when I was waking up from surgery. I know you were in London with her.”

A flicker of a smile crossed Furlan’s face, nodding.

“And you bring this up because?”

“She’s my best friend.”

“I know.”

“No.” Levi’s voice tightened, though he didn’t raise it; “You know , but I need you to understand. She’s not a passing thing. Not someone you figure out later. If you’re with her, you make damn sure you know what that means.”

Furlan nodded once more.

“I do.”

“You think that now. but people change their minds. You don’t get to with her.”

A long silence followed.

Then Furlan leaned forward, forearms on the table, voice even.

“Levi. I’ve known her almost as long as you have. You know that. And I’m not here because it’s easy, or because it’s convenient. I’m here because I care about her. More than anyone I’ve ever let myself care about.”

Levi’s gaze stayed locked on his. He wasn’t sure if he was being too harsh on his friend, but he knew how much Isabel cared about him. After all the love she had shown Levi, he couldn’t even bear to think about her heart being broken.  

“You break her heart,” Levi said softly, “you won’t get to explain it to me. You won’t get near enough. You are my friend, but if you break her heart, I will never forgive you.”

“So you are blackmailing me to stay together with her?”

“No… I… fuck,” Levi shook his head. Fuck, who was he to talk about relationships when he was still so insecure about his feelings about Erwin?

“Just don’t do anything stupid to her, she doesn’t deserve that. I know you are a good man, I just.. please don’t fuck it up with her.”

Furlan nodded once. No pushback, no show of pride. just a simple, clear answer.

“I won’t.”

Finally, Levi exhaled.

“Good,” he sighed.

“I know what she means to you. She means a lot to me too. I… I didn’t dare to at first because I know what she means to you, but also what us working together means to your career. I really tried to push these feelings away… but they were not going away,”

“Okay,” Levi gave a small nod, and a not quite smile. 

Later, when the light began to fall behind the trees, they sat out in Furlan’s garden — two chairs pulled into a patch of shade near the back wall. The air had cooled a little, the heat of the day slipping away into something softer.

Furlan cracked open two beers, and passed one across without a word.

Levi took it with a nod. No need for thanks - the quiet was enough.

They had gotten sushi from Ljubljana. Furlan set the boxes out on the low table between them, unhurried, folding back the lids to reveal neat rows of sushi, bright against the dark lacquered trays.

“Might not be fully authentic but I hope you like it,” Furlan said. “There’s not much worth eating out here otherwise.”

Levi huffed a breath that could almost be a laugh. “Appreciate it.”

Levi reached for the chopsticks without thinking out of habit. Then stopped.

His right hand was still useless, fingers stiff and bound beneath the cast. He frowned faintly and shifted the sticks into his left hand instead.

The motion felt wrong. Awkward still. Unfamiliar in a way that scraped at something deeper than patience. He tried to grip them the way he knew he should, adjusted once, twice, but the roll of rice he aimed for slipped sideways, tumbling gracelessly back into the tray. Even after all these weeks he seemed to not get any better at it. 

His jaw tightened. No sigh. No curse. Just a quick, sharp flick of his gaze away, as if ignoring it would erase the misstep.

Furlan saw. Of course he did. 

But he didn’t stare, didn’t comment. Let his friend just be without fussing over him. As much as he loved Isabel, he was sure she had done plenty of fussing already .

Levi hesitated a beat. Without looking up, he took the piece in his fingers this time, eating it without a word.

Levi’s shoulders eased, slow. Furlan leaned back in his chair, head tipped toward the darkening sky.

“You’ll get it back,” Furlan said eventually,  voice low. 

“What?”

“The hand.”

Levi didn’t answer at first. Then, almost too soft to hear:

“I know.”

He wasn’t sure if he believed it.

Mediterranean sea, 3 nautical miles from Monaco | 29th of July | 20:54 local time

Out on the open water, the yacht felt like a floating palace. The sea stretched endlessly around them like a dark rippling mirror, the only thing illuminating it the moon.

They sat on the back deck, Erwin on the built-in bench with a glass of cold white wine in hand and his legs stretched out comfortably. Hange was sprawled across a lounge chair on the edge in a tangle of towels, while Pieck sat on the edge with her feet dangling over the boat, toes skimming the cool water.

Senna snored softly nearby, wearing his bright orange safety jacket — his head resting on Erwin’s sandal.

“God, it’s so quiet,” Hange murmured, tilting their head back to look at the stars.

“I think I’ve forgotten what silence sounds like since moving to Monaco,” Hange added after a few seconds, Ironically being the only thing disturbing the silence. 

Pieck chuckled, tucking her hair behind her ear.

“That’s because you fill the silence yourself,” she teased her spouse.

Erwin let out a quiet laugh, warmth flickering across his face as he watched them.

The conversation slipped into a gentle hush until Pieck spoke up again, her voice soft but certain. 

“We’ve actually started looking into options to start a family.”

Hange immediately perked up, eyes bright.

“Yeah! We’ve been talking to agencies, looking into adoption, surrogacy — all of it. We’re serious this time.”

Erwin’s eyebrows rose, surprise quickly melting into genuine happiness.

“That’s… that’s wonderful news,” he said, excited for his friends.

Hange leaned forward, eyes shining.

“We figured it’s time. We’ve built this life together; a stable home, a future...”

Pieck glanced at Erwin, smiling gently.

“Plus since I am no longer in F1… it seems like the right time”

Erwin looked at them both, the corners of his eyes softening.

“If there’s anything I can do to help… really. Anything at all, you know you can ask – you know, even… well…as a donor… ”

Hange immediately burst out laughing, nearly spilling the wine they were holding.

“God, no! The last thing we need is your genes contributing to a new generation. We’re trying to escape Formula 1 drama, not spawn a new tiny world champion!”

Pieck giggled, slipping an arm around Hange’s shoulders.

“It is a kind offer, but I don’t think we will take you up on it.”

Erwin laughed, a low, genuine sound that echoed softly across the deck. 

“Fair enough,” he said, shaking his head, “offer stands, though.”

Senna snorted in his sleep and shifted closer to Erwin’s foot, prompting another ripple of gentle laughter.

They fell into a comfortable silence again, the sea stretching out forever under a deepening navy sky, moonlight shimmering in quiet trails on the water. Pieck got up eventually, squeezing onto the lounge chair beside her spouse. 

Pieck leaned her head on Hange’s shoulder, her voice barely above a whisper. 

“I’m really excited for you, how does it feel?” Erwin finally asked. A family was something he had never even dared to think about. Not only because he was gay, he was well aware that didn’t mean the end of it. But more so that he was sure he would be a part of the F1 circus forever. 

Couldn’t think of having a child when he was going around a circuit at neck breaking speeds for a living. 

“Terrifying,” she said, “but in the best way.”

Erwin gazed out toward the horizon. Something else twisted quietly in his chest, an ache for a future he hadn’t quite dared to picture for himself.

Tonight, with the stars blooming above and the gentle rocking of the yacht, he didn’t want to keep thinking about it. 

Senna snored again, and Pieck’s quiet giggle carried out over the water, mixing with the soft sigh of waves.

Countryside near Ljubljana | 29th of July | 20:55 local time

Levi had been there for six days now, enjoying the time spent with Furlan. They found some projects to work on every day.

Mentally, Levi felt great. He could see the improvement of the farmhouse that he helped with and it made him feel accomplished after he had felt so useless since his crash.

The last streaks of pink and gold were slipping behind the distant hills, leaving the sky an inky violet scattered with stars. Crickets had started their nightly concert, and the scent of wild thyme and lavender drifted lazily from the garden beds.

Levi and Furlan sat on the old wooden bench outside the farmhouse, a rickety table between them. A half-empty bottle of Slivovka sat on the table next to two small glasses. Unlabeled, as Furlan had made it himself in the shed.

Levi had come to peace; he might die, or go blind as his friend poured them to glasses with glee. Something about his serious race engineer brewing his own liquor in a shed was too entertaining to not try.

Levi held one of the tiny glasses cautiously, eyeing the liquid like it might bite him.

“Don’t look at it like that,” Furlan teased, swirling his own glass; “it’s not going to explode.”

“It smells awful,” Levi muttered.

Furlan laughed, throwing his head back.

“That sake you brought me last year was way worse!”

Levi sniffed at the rim again before finally, with a resigned sigh, taking a tentative sip. He paused, eyes narrowing, then swallowed carefully.

“Well?” Furlan asked, leaning forward eagerly.

Levi clicked his tongue.

“Just… leave it in my car next time,”

Furlan let out a bark of laughter, clinking his glass lightly against Levi’s. “I’ll take that as high praise from you.”

Levi rolled his eyes, but he took another small sip.

After a quiet moment, Levi glanced at the old stone walls, the sloping roof tiles uneven and moss-covered.

“Why do you even bother fixing up this shithole?” he asked, voice low but steady.

Furlan leaned back, glass turning slowly in his fingers. He looked out across the darkening fields.

“It was my grandparents’ farm, they worked every inch of this land. When they passed, it was just sitting here, waiting to be swallowed by weeds and rain.”

Levi watched him from the corner of his eye, silent.

Furlan took another small sip before continuing.

“I could’ve left. Most people my age with degrees, they disappear west and never come back. Vienna, Berlin, Paris. Good money, new apartments, weekends in wine bars. But I didn’t want that. I didn’t want to run off and forget who I was.”

He tilted his head, eyes shining faintly.

“I wanted to build something beautiful here, where they left off. Even if it’s crooked and moldy and half falling apart. Even if people think I’m stupid for staying.”

Levi snorted softly. 

“You are stupid.”

Furlan laughed, the sound echoing lightly across the quiet yard.

“Yeah, maybe. But I know where I belong. I can use my paycheck to improve this place… maybe even improve this village. Start a business and make it a thriving village? Give adolescents a reason to stay someday?”

Levi turned his gaze away quickly, staring into the darkness beyond the garden. His fingers tapped softly against the glass, thoughtful. It was the exact opposite, being from and having grown up in the biggest city on earth.

But it made sense.

“Makes me doubt if I did the right thing pursuing Isabel…” he suddenly admitted. Levi looked surprised at his friend's vulnerability. 

“Why?”

“Pff, city girl from Melbourne? Ain’t exactly st. Kilda beach here,” Furlan huffed. Levi saw some doubt in his eyes as he looked at the glass. Not about how much he liked Isabel, but if he was the right guy for her. 

“You will figure it out. Besides, Isabel seems pretty easy going about her location, especially since you both move around a lot for the team.”

“Yeah,” Furland mumbled. Looking into his glass, he didn’t want to mention the fact that Isabel might be out of a job if Levi couldn’t return after the summer break. What would happen to them? 

But he would never mention that to Levi. He knew his friends had enough worries about his hand without having to worry about Isabel’s job on top. Furlan was sure he thought about it enough, without him rubbing it in. 

The old farmhouse was quiet at night as they had gone to bed. 

Levi lay in a narrow bed beneath a faded quilt, the ceiling beams heavy and dark above him. The cast on his hand felt impossibly heavy, as if it pinned him to the mattress.

Levi had always hated being idle. In this place, there was nothing to distract him, no city hum, no team debriefs, no vibration of engines through his body. Only the creak of the old floorboards when Furlan turned in bed the next room over and the occasional bark of a dog far off in the fields.

He shifted, hissing when pain lanced through his hand. The fingers, stiff and aching, throbbed like a second heartbeat in the cast. He pressed them lightly to his chest, as if that might calm them.

The pain had been better the last few days, but he knew he hadn’t helped when he had overdone it working on the house these last days. 

His phone was on the nightstand, screen black. He’d turned it face-down so he wouldn’t be tempted to read messages from Erwin or the team.

Erwin had sent him a picture a few days ago of Senna in the mountains, telling him they had finished their hike. Levi had apologized for forgetting to text him after arriving and Erwn told him it was fine. 

Levi had not been sure what to text back. 

When he was with Erwin, it all came so easily to him. He had let himself be vulnerable, shown his feelings. But now that he had to do it through a phone, he felt  unsure again. 

Levi squeezed his eyes shut, annoyed at the heat that crawled up his face as he thought of Erwin.

Outside, a branch tapped the window. Somewhere in the distance, an owl screeched and Levi almost jumped for a second.

He thought of Furlan, asleep across the house, always so gentle and steady, so sure of everything. At least Levi had thought. He has seemed the kind of person who managed to exist without a war raging in his head. Levi had envied him for that.

But tonight it had been clear that Furlan had doubts on his own. It made Levi feel just a little more normal, a little less stunted. 

He thought of the upcoming restart of the season; the cameras, the whispers, the impossible expectation that he would simply come back and perform. And beneath that, the gnawing dread of his hand no longer being functional.

And Erwin… steady, infuriating Erwin, who still looked at him like he was worth all the wreckage.

Levi turned onto his side carefully, tucking his injured hand against his chest. The cast scratched lightly against the quilt, and he watched the moonlight spill across the floor in pale stripes.

He’d never liked sleeping in unfamiliar beds, but this one felt strangely safe — the old wooden walls, the smell of Furlan’s herbs drying in bunches by the kitchen, the certainty that no one would find him here.

Still, even with safety, sleep wouldn’t come easily. Levi lay there long after midnight, listening to his own shallow breaths, replaying every choice he wished he could unmake, every risk he couldn’t help but take, and every moment that had already started to mean too much.

He wished he could break it off. He wished he could say no to Erwin. It would be easier, less messy.

Just wished he could.

Wished he could choose his career now, protect his feelings and stay in his safe bubble. 

But he couldn’t. 

Because he was already too in love with Erwin. 

Grabbing his phone, he opened his chat with Erwin. The last texts were all from Erwin, sharing pictures from his hiking trip. Although he had responded with hearts to every picture, he was all too well aware there wasn’t a single real response from him. He was making Erwin talk to… nothing. No one. 

He just had no clue what to say. Or how to say the things that are better conveyed with a touch to the arm or a look into each other’s eyes.  His conversation with Furlan did make it clear to him that Erwin might be struggling as well, and that brought him no comfort.

He started to type out a message, turning on his stomach as it was hard enough to type with only one hand. 

He wrote a whole paragraph about the last few days he had enjoyed here with Furlan. And rounded off by asking Erwin about how the summer break was going now that they were apart. 

It felt fucking stupid. Erwin needed more from him, not a text like he was giving a report to his doctor telling him what he had done over the weekend. 

He tried to express how much he loved him, how badly he wanted to see him again. But he kept deleting everything he typed. No matter how much he tried, he didn’t manage to get the right words into the text. 

At his eight attempt, he saw the typing bubble pop up as Erwin was typing to him, too caught up in his typing to have seen Erwin had been online too. Deleting all he had typed once more, he looked as the bubble disappeared again and Erwin went offline. 

Mediterranean sea, 3 nautical miles from Monaco | 30th of July | 01:05 local time

Erwin looked at his phone. He had his chat with Levi open. 

He wasn’t sure if it was the wine, but after hearing nothing from him over the last six days, doubt started to creep in. 

Levi struggled with expressing his emotions and he was a bad texter. He was well aware. 

But it just felt like there was…. nothing? Yeah… nothing going on between them. 

He was surprised when he saw Levi was online. The typing bubble popped up. 

One minute. Three. Five. Ten. 

He must have laid there for an eternity, watching as the bubble appeared and disappeared at regular intervals. Just hoping for a message - any message. Hoping for a sign that the week apart had not changed things in Levi’s feelings for him. 

Senna shifted slightly, nudging his hand against his phone and the keyboard. Erwin deleted the nonsense that he had typed, only to see Levi’s text bubble disappear and his status switch to offline. 

Rolling over as he put his phone away, he took one of the pillows, pressing it against his stomach as he curled up. 

Levi was only twenty-one. He was a rookie, he was immature, insecure and infuriating. 

Yet Erwin tried to love every part of him. 

But he made it so hard. 

Rolling on his back, not even the stars had an answer for him as he felt a tear well up in the corners of his eye. 

Chapter Text

Ljubljana Jože Pučnik Airport |  2nd of August | 07:35

It was the crack of dawn and Levi had to be at Ljubljana airport to fly back to Monaco. No private plane this time, it wasn’t always all glitz and glam, especially when on his own dime. Wizzair, nothing fancy. It was not like he needed the leg space and it also wasn’t like the plane had business class. 

Levi sat by the window of the small terminal with his hand carefully laid in his lap, the velcro cast heavy and still. He had a plain dark cap pulled down over his face, and in the haze of the collective exhaustion of the passengers, it was enough to be incognito.

The plane to Nice had been delayed by twenty minutes and he could already feel the low ache starting to creep back into his fingers, curling beneath the skin like cold water. He shifted in his seat and took a slow sip from a lukewarm bottle of water to stave off the ache in vain.

Outside the glass, Levi watched as passengers deplaned from a just-arrived flight. A couple in linen suits. An old man with a cane. A family with two screeching toddlers he was honestly glad he didn’t have to share his plane with.

And then-

A flash of red hair.

Levi blinked.

There she was. Isabel, ducking under the metal guardrail as if it were a challenge, her worn duffel bag bouncing against her hip. She had a big bag of duty free purchases still in her hand, no doubt having shopped herself silly at Heathrow before the flight.

She glanced around the terminal like she was expecting someone to yell at her for existing, and then slipped down the hall toward the exit without looking back.

It was nice to see they would spend time together. Isabel and Furlan made it seem so easy, compared to how he felt about Erwin. 

Sometimes it felt like the two of them were orbiting each other with all the grace of burning satellites, neither quite able to land. Erwin had this steady way of anchoring himself to people; giving, giving, giving until you forgot to ask what he needed in return. And Levi, for all his sharp instincts and bluntness, had no goddamn idea how to navigate it at all. 

He cared. He knew that much.

He missed Erwin more than he wanted to admit. Even though they’d texted just this morning, awkward sentences were a poor simulacrum of actual closeness. Physical closeness. Closeness without words. 

But Levi didn’t know what came next. Not really. Not when he couldn’t even open a jar on his own. Not when half his life was still trapped in a cast and the other half was spent dodging the part of his mind that screamed you’re running out of time .

He breathed out through his nose in the way his therapist taught him and exhaled some of his anxiety and racing thoughts. Glancing at the departure board, then down at the dead weight of his hand again, he could not stop his mind wandering back to Erwin.

Maybe he was jealous. Not of Isabel or Furlan specifically, but of what they had figured out whatever they had chosen, they had done it decisively. They hadn’t let fear talk them out of it.

And Levi?

He hadn’t even figured out how to talk about any of it.

The first boarding call for his flight lit up on the overhead screen, dragging Levi’s gaze upward.

He stood, exhaling slowly, adjusting the strap of his carry on around his good shoulder. The ache in his hand pulsed in time with his heartbeat…. manageable, for now.

He didn’t look back as he made his way to the gate and onto the plane.

Squeezing into the seat that was even small for him, he took out his phone. 

He wasn’t a great texter, he knew that all too well, even if he had tried this morning and tried to do better. 

But he wanted to make up for it. As passengers were still boarding, he pulled his hood over the cap as well, did his best to disappear into the side of the plane and held his breath as he waited for Erwin to answer the call. When the line connected, he felt his throat go dry as he whispered hoarsely.

 “Hey… I’m… I’m on my way to Monaco. Can we meet tomorrow?”

“Levi? I can see you today.” Erwin asked eagerly.

“I… I want to do something special tomorrow. But I need some time to prepare and I am seeing a specialist for my hand today.”

“Okay,” Erwin took that answer in stride, knew better than to push Levi. He was on his balcony with Senna, enjoying the summer break as he had just woken up and needed to get ready for his training soon. 

“Okay, look forward to it,” Levi smiled as he half-ordered Erwin before ending the call.

Levi had never thought of himself as someone appreciating luxury, not even after flying private the last few months.

But, God did he find this European low cost carrier a dreadful experience.

Monte Carlo  |  3rd of August | 11:35

The late August air in Monaco was warm and heavy, curling around the terraces and making everything a sauna. On Levi’s balcony, the scent of salt water drifted up from the harbor, just like it did in his.

Erwin leaned on the railing, half-distracted by the sun glittering across the water. He didn’t notice when Levi disappeared inside for a moment, nor did he register the sound of the wardrobe sliding open.

When Levi reappeared, he had something folded carefully in his good hand. Levi cleared his throat to get Erwin’s attention.

“Put this on.”

Erwin turned, eyebrow arching.

“It’s for the date I arranged,” Levi explained, shoving the folded cloth at him before he could ask more.

Erwin unfolded it carefully: a custom chef’s jacket, crisp white with delicate blue stitching at the cuffs. His initials were embroidered on the chest, just above the heart.

He looked up, surprised, softening his face.

“You had this made?”

Levi shrugged, feigning indifference.

“It’s just a jacket. Don’t make it weird.”

Erwin smiled slowly, fingers brushing the embroidery again.

“I love it.”

Levi  shifted his weight a little uncomfortably. He wanted to scoff. Erwin could afford a million of them.

Instead, looking at Erwin’s bright expression, Levi managed a smile. 

“Good. I'm glad.” 

He had arranged the date, but he was still worried about what Erwin would say when they got there. Anxiety over if Erwin would like the plan gnawed at him. 

It didn’t help that he still felt the lingering tension between them. The result of how poorly he had been communicating with Erwin over the last few days. 

Levi had asked Erwin’s race engineer if they could drive them to Nice. Didn’t want to trust a taxi driver. Levi wasn’t too familiar with them, but knew Erwin and Hange were close. He felt that if Erwin trusted them, he could too. 

It had been awkward, but still, he did it for Erwin. 

Hange brought them to Nice, promising them that their wife would pick them up later. The ride was awkward. After being apart from each other and after their challenging texts, Erwin and Levi had too much to talk about, but couldn’t. Not with company in earshot at least.  

It wasn’t quiet though, Hange kept yapping about everything and nothing, and Erwin kept up with the small talk enough for both of them while Levi chewed the side of his lip and stewed in his intense emotions. 

When they arrived in Nice that afternoon, the sushi workshop was already set up. The kitchen of the upscale restaurant was big, tucked behind an unassuming wooden sliding door. The chef stood waiting: tall, quiet, eyes sharp as the knives in the kitchen. Levi bowed to him and spoke to him in Japanese. 

Erwin looked around and took in the sparkling cleanliness and military organisation of everything in the kitchen. It reminded him of the F1 garage, packed with equipment, and with every item given a proper place. He was sincerely impressed. While his eyes darted everywhere, he caught a word or two in the rapid fire exchange of Japanese but understood nothing of the terse conversation. He wondered what the two were talking about when his eyes fell on them. It vaguely seemed as though Levi was being… threatening? 

When Levi and the chef were done, the chef introduced himself to Erwin. Erwin’s eyebrows shot up hearing the chef’s name. He had wanted to arrange a good Japanese meal for Levi before to cheer him up and the chef’s name had come up on the lists of some of the highest rated private chefs in, well not only Monaco, but also the entire region. 

The chef told him to get ready, and Erwin put on the chef's jacket Levi had gotten him and washed his hands. 

“This is… more than I expected.”

Levi ignored him, unsure as to how to answer and also preoccupied with his thoughts, he focused his attention  on slipping off his jacket and setting it neatly on a stool. His cast bumped the edge of the counter, and he winced.

The chef approached Erwin, bowing politely.

“Levi asked me to give you a sushi workshop. I hope you will enjoy it,” he said in fluent English.

“The honor is mine,” Erwin smiled.  

Levi stood back, arms crossed. Watching.

And enjoyed the sight.

The chef guided Erwin through each step patiently, selecting cuts of tuna, rolling rice just tightly enough, slicing with precision. Erwin’s movements were confident but careful, his large hands surprisingly nimble with the knife as he cut the fish into thin strips as the instruction of the chef.

Levi pretended to be uninterested, but his eyes tracked every motion. Every smile that tugged at Erwin’s mouth. Every soft “hm” of approval from the chef.

Halfway through, Erwin turned to him as the chef had left Erwin to his work to prepare for the omakase he was hosting later. Levi and Erwin would be long gone then. 

“You’re not going to try making any?”

“Not with this,” Levi lifted his cast slightly.

“That’s boring,” he teased, trying to lighten Levi’s tense demeanour. “I’m sure you could manage something.”

“Even if I could, I’d rather watch you embarrass yourself.”

Erwin chuckled, sliding another delicate cut of salmon onto the bamboo mat.

 “You planned all this in just one day?”

Levi hesitated. “I thought… you might like it. You’re always cooking for me, and I can’t do much lately.” He averted his gaze, looking down at the stainless steel countertop.

“Levi…”

“I know it’s not some big romantic dinner on a yacht or a helicopter tour. But I figured… something hands-on. Something that is different from the usual luxury. Something you could enjoy for yourself.”

Erwin set the knife down carefully. His expression softened, warmth spreading across his features in a way that made Levi’s stomach twist.

“It’s perfect,” he said, stepping closer.

Pressing a kiss to his forehead, he smiled at Levi. 

“It’s… more me than anything else could have been.”

Levi glanced away, muttering.

“Don’t get sappy.”

Erwin leaned in anyway, pressing another soft kiss to Levi’s temple.

“Thank you.”

Levi huffed.

“Yeah. Just don’t tell anyone.”

“Oh?” Erwin tilted his head teasingly; “not even the chef?”

Levi’s mouth twitched at that.

“He won’t say a word. I made sure of it.”

Erwin gave him a curious look.

Levi shifted, looking faintly amused, he took a sip of the sake they had been served on the side

“Let’s just say… his wife lives here with him in Nice. But he has a mistress in Tokyo. Very pretty, very married. It would be a disaster if that came out, right before his restaurant expansion.”

Erwin stared for a moment, then laughed, a really loud laugh, a rich sound that filled the room. Levi gestured him to quiet down before the chef would rejoin them.

“You blackmailed a Michelin-star chef just to keep this night private?”

Levi crossed his arms.

 “Tch. You think he’d keep it quiet otherwise? You know how the press are here!”

Erwin wiped a tear from the corner of his eye, still chuckling.

“God, I love you.”

Levi froze at the sweet words, throat catching, but then forced a scowl.

“Finish your roll before I regret bringing you here.”

Erwin couldn’t stop smiling. Then he returned to the counter, carefully shaping another roll, the embroidered initials on his chest catching the sharp kitchen light.

For a moment, everything outside; cameras, teams, surgeons, screaming engines fell away. Just quiet movements, precise cuts. 

Erwin was shown through even more rolls by the chef and Levi helped after a while by at least chopping up an avocado thinly, something that he still managed with the tips of his casted fingers and his free hand.

“Thank you, Levi,” Erwin smiled as he got into Pieck’s car after making enough sushi to feed an army. He was carrying the bags. He had gotten carried away making the food and the chef had obliged. He wanted to bring something back with them, as if this could help them both hold on to the day longer. 

A private cooking class had never been something he had thought of doing for himself. Cooking had been a solitary pursuit for him. And the outlet felt even better when he was cooking for Levi. Erwin thought of how hard Levi must have agonised over what he could do for a date and felt his heart soften. It was one of the most fun and meaningful experiences he had had. It soothed some of the worry in his chest over how off their communication had been over the last weeks. 

“To your apartment, Erwin?” Pieck asked in a light and friendly voice.

“Actually… can you drop by my apartment and then bring us to the harbor?” Erwin asked, Levi pulled close against him.

The sushi bags rustled softly in the footwell, the scent of fresh rice and tangy vinegar still clinging faintly to their clothes. The air in Pieck’s car was cool, the A/C running low as they pulled into Erwin’s street. Twilight had settled fully now, casting long shadows across the quiet residential roads of Monaco.

“Do you want to spend the night on the yacht?” Erwin asked to be sure, turning to Levi, voice low but casual, as if the suggestion hadn’t already been turning over in his head all evening.

“The weather’s good. Sea’s calm tonight and it will… quiet and private.”

Erwin figured he should have asked him too before if he wanted to stay there. He had just filled it in, and knew Levi enjoyed the quiet and peace from his countryside home. 

Levi didn’t answer right away. His casted hand rested against the seat between them, and he watched the fading skyline through the glass for a long moment.

“Yeah. That sounds… good,” he smiled at Erwin. 

“Let me just grab Senna and some stuff. Levi, do you need anything?”

Levi nodded, explaining there was a bag by the door he had yet to unpack from Slovenia but had plenty of stuff for him in it. 

He turned to Pieck. “You okay to wait a minute?”

“Of course,” Pieck chirped, tapping a manicured nail against the steering wheel as she pulled up beside their building. 

“Take your time.”

Erwin slipped out of the car, and Levi shifted in his seat, stretching his legs slightly. Pieck glanced at him in the mirror, smiling faintly.

“You look better than last time I saw you race,” she said gently, a polite enough opener.

He didn’t answer, but the faint curve at the corner of his mouth was probably enough.

“Glad you're getting out a little,” she said after a pause. “And it was a sweet surprise. Erwin has been doting over you for weeks now. Wouldn't shut up about you the whole five days we spent on the yacht..”

“Don’t spread that.”

Pieck gave a mock-zipped-lips gesture. “It’s safe with me.”

A few minutes later, Erwin emerged from the building, one hand loosely holding Senna’s leash. The golden retriever was wagging so hard his whole body moved with it, tongue lolling out as he spotted the car.

Levi didn’t try to hide his smile this time. Senna barked once, softly, and climbed happily into the back.

“Good boy,” Levi muttered, reaching his uninjured hand to ruffle behind the dog’s ear. Senna responded with a tail thump against his cast.

“Ready?” Erwin asked, sliding in beside them again.

Levi just nodded.

The harbor wasn’t far, a short, winding drive through the glittering streets of Monte Carlo, where yacht lights shimmered on the water. 

They were careful when they got out. No sudden movements, no lingering under floodlights. Pieck parked in a discreet spot and gave them a small, knowing wave as they slipped away into the dusk.

Erwin moved confidently through the harbor, Levi keeping his head slightly ducked beneath the brim of his cap. A few dockhands were around, but none gave them a second glance. A minute later, they were aboard the sleek lines of Erwin’s yacht, Senna trotting ahead like he knew exactly where to go.

It wasn't the biggest yacht of the harbour by far. Between all the superyachts it was almost humble. They got on quickly. 

Levi climbed down into the boat with Senna, the dog settling on his dog bed by the large corner sofa in the corner. There were multiple doors from the living area, the whole boat connected by small steps. Erwin had pointed him to the bedroom on the back deck as he was starting the boat to leave the harbour. 

Opening the door to the bedroom, it wasn't big, but it was perfect. With the different decks on the yacht, he figured most of them didn't really spend time inside anyway

Levi exhaled slowly once the engine rumbled to life and they pulled away from shore. Only after a few minutes, he dared to come out in case people were also pulling out or into the harbour. 

 He leaned against the railing on the upper deck, the wind catching his hair, sea air brushing softly against his cheeks. There was a large corner bench at the back of it, Erwin at the wheel at the front. There was a big seating area including the bench. He liked it, it felt cozy yet comfortable. 

Behind them, the city slowly receded, Erwin easily steering the yacht into open water, a few kilometers away from the coast. 

“It’s quiet out here,” Levi said eventually, his voice quieter than usual. Erwin halted the boat, throwing the anchor out. 

Erwin moved beside him, wrapping his arms around him.

“That’s the point.”

Levi let his eyes close for a moment, letting the salt and silence settle in his lungs. He felt the yacht sway gently beneath him. Senna nosed up against his knee and laid down nearby, satisfied just to be included.

Levi turned toward Erwin and allowed himself to relax with Erwin.

“I needed this,” he said quietly.

Erwin’s gaze flicked over to him, soft and steady.

“So did I.”

They said nothing more for a moment. Just the sound of water, wind, and the soft clink of glass as Erwin opened a bottle of sake.

The yacht drifted quietly in the dark water, the distant shore of Nice and Monaco nothing but scattered pinpricks of light. The warm August air was heavy with salt and soft breeze. Erwin called Senna down into the boat as he was grabbing the sushi, the dog running down the steps inside with ease. 

Erwin carried the small lacquered boxes carefully from the cabin up to the deck, where Levi was already sitting cross legged on one of the wide padded benches.

Senna trotted behind, tail wagging furiously, his bright orange safety vest bobbing with each enthusiastic step.

When Senna came up, Levi burst into laughter again, head tipping back.

“God, look at him,” he managed between gasps; “he looks like a fucking emergency buoy.”

Erwin set the boxes down and gave the dog a resigned pat on the head. “I’d rather he look ridiculous and be safe,” he said, though his mouth twitched in amusement as well at the sight.

Senna, unfazed, gave Levi’s knee a wet nudge before settling on a blanket, curling up and staring at the sea as if he were guarding them.