Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Bakugou Katsuki hated his life. That’s why he strived to make it better. That’s why he needs to be a hero. That’s why he’d endure anything to get out of it. Anything.
And so he did. He must be strong to be a hero. He must be a hero to get out. That means relying on nobody.
So to say he was surprised when Midoriya had told everyone would be a lie. He couldn’t rely on him to close his mouth, he knew that already and he’d proved it before. It could be as simple as telling on him for chewing gum to destroying his life, there’s a chance Midoriya will slip up or be guilted into telling. He knew constantly that there was a possibility his entire childhood would be exposed, what he did and what was done to him while Midoriya’s watchful eye and pencil observed , and that was just another reason Bakugou Katsuki hated his life.

It spread like bunnies. Uncontainable in UA halls, his blunders and what he did. Because Bakugou did in fact do it. Bakugou was so aware of what he did, he apologised for it in the half term. And Deku accepted. It was nice knowing the guy you lived most of your life with was on your side again the guy who took the pink crayon knowing you wanted it but where to scared to get it, that after all you did he forgave you. But oh well. Bakugou can’t afford to be hurt, so he won’t be. Midoriya was always stronger than him in that aspect. He would look danger straight on naturally while he’ll act like nothing is wrong as he walks to his dorm after class, feeling Kirishima’s and Mina’s glare on him the entire way and he won’t ask Deku why. Practically his entire friend group left him once it got out.

“What do you mean it’s true! Katsuki- fuck, look at me!” Kirishima was pissed. The others stood behind him with anger simmering.
Bakugou knew how this would end, with nothing but hatred for him, so he might aswell speed it up so it hurt less.
“Fuck off man, you heard why I said!” And Bakugou slammed the door. A final resounding thud ending their friendship.
Kirishima banged on the door for a a minute before leaving. A simple “it’s not worth it dude.” And he was convinced to leave.

Bakugou hated himself. In that moment and afterwards. As a child and a teenager. He can’t really remember when he didn’t, if he was honest. There was always a feeling of dread looking at himself in the mirror and when he heard his voice. When he heard his name and when he was hugged. It all just felt so wrong. He remembered age 5 trying to hide himself from the mirror and draping himself in his dad’s big coat and his mothers dressing gown. He missed his dad so much he missed his uncomfortable hugs and when he asked him to do small tasks for his mother. The seven years without him felt so long. But he was gone now. He felt so ugly.For so many reasons, some unattainable. Why does he feel like if he was someone else he’d still feel this way. Why does he feel like if he was raised the same way but was innately different he wouldn’t feel this way. It hurt his head so he didn’t think about it.

Deku knows he’s been scared to go home since he was 10. Deku knows where he lives. Deku knows about his past. Deku knows his dad killed himself. Deku knows he thinks it’s his fault. Deku knows his Mother hates him. Deku knows too much about him.

Midoriya knows how lonely he is.

His dorm is safety. He’s all alone, and he gets to sleep for a short while. Before a terror will wake him and he’ll start breathing heavily and acting like a baby. But he’ll endure it, grit his teeth and keep going. He’ll see the judgement and glared from his classmates and he’ll keep going.

Words count: 687

Chapter Text

Bakugou always kept going.
But sometimes it was so hard. Like today. Sitting in thisGod forsaken classroom.
“And that’s the end of this module, if anyone has any questions-“
The drone was enough to make him want to die, let alone the gentle whispers from behind him. He heard them everywhere he went nowadays. It sucked.

“——what——terrible——how dare——poor mi-“

Shit. His hearing aids must be dying. He’s tried so hard to keep them safe but it had been 5 years, way longer than they were supposed to last. A residual buzz of chatter behind him was left unclear.Considering that he is a hero in training it’s to be expected but that doesn’t mean he knows how to get new ones. His mom bought him them. It got to a point where it was undeniable he was going deaf, and his mother would rather have a financial burdensome child than a publicly deaf one. It’s not that she couldn’t afford it anyways. She payed to have his aids invisible just a small wire leading to behind his ear, for public appearances and all, so nobody was any the wiser.

It’s possible she’d just ignore it this time. No longer her kid son in the public eye just a relative, there’s no reason for her to coddle him. He’d need to find some money, he could probably get from somewhere, it would be around 20,000 yen per ear and make he would need to make arrangements and-
“…-Bakugou”
He looks up at Aizawa.
“…see me after class, and do the work sheet.”
“Yes Sensei.”
He hears sniggers from behind him. Great. Just splendid.

As the bell rang he went to grab his books, but they were shoved to the floor as Mina and Denki walked passed. “Oops, sorry Bakugou.” They say, a sweet plastic smile on each face. Fuckers. They walk out not saying a word and Bakugou picks them up and makes his way to Aizawa’s desk. If he was watching the entire thing he didn’t mention it. Just sat stoney the fucker, clearly he doesn’t care.

“Bakugou please sit.”
“I don’t think there’s any need, tell me what you want.”
Aizawa’s eyes sharpen.
“Sit.”
Bakugou rolls his eyes and draws out the chair to sit.

“UA has recently been made aware of past threatening language, behaviour and actions you have inflicted on another student. This is inappropriate and unacceptable. This incident happened in that past, before attending UA so we will give you one warning. You mess it up, you’re out got that?”
Rage simmered in Bakugou
“What!-this isn’t fair, I-“
“- Bakugou shut up.”
He stat silent and mortified.
“It was near impossible to convince them to give you a chance, be thankful you have one. We will also need to contact home about this as we are still due a PA meeting since the dorms were introduced and we are obliged to update your primary caregiver on changes in your school life.”
There was nothing left to say in Bakugou’s opinion. So he left. Didn’t say a word, just exited, not looking around him or at anything in his path.Aizawa’s sighed. This kid was too much to deal with. He didn’t discard that he was unusually inattentive during his lesson and the interaction with Mina and Denki or his visible distance at the mention of home. This kid would be the death of him. Midoriya came to him the night before, begging to not punish him and that this was a massive misunderstanding. He wanted to believe the kid but he was unable to let his words be heard my Nezu. It was enough to give him this singular chance though…
Aizawa got up, grabbed his bag and started to make his way back. Outside the classroom sat Mina and Denki. For fucks sake-“what are you doing?”
“Nothing sensei! Denki just forgot his books!”
But the classroom was empty. Whatever they had definitely been listening in. But he has no proof.Ugh. “Have a good day sensei!” They say and walk off.

God fucking hell. What was he going to do now. His mother wanted him back this Friday and now he needs to face her bullshit. He couldn’t even change it. So useless he can’t even help himself. Fucking he’ll.
He stormed over to the dorm, blanking all he passed and walking past their “subtle” attempts of tripping him over. As soon as he entered the room he closed the door behind him and locked it and lay on the floor. He stayed there for awhile and before he knew it the day was breaking again. He could sleep through this Friday but he’s on his last warning, so instead he got dressed and treasured his 1 hour of sleep and left the dorm.

In the common room there was noise. Uraraka,Iida, Denki, Mina, Sero, Jiro, Kirishima and Tsuyu were all sitting on the couch.
“What do you mean by that Denki-kun?”
“They gave Bakugou a warning, a final warning, if we can get him in trouble he’s out-“
Tsuyu looked uncomfortable “I don’t know guys, this seems like a bad idea-“
“We can’t afford not to take it, think about Midoriya, do you really think he wants his bully around him 24/7.”
Kirishma sighed. He knew Mina was right but he didn’t like it. “Fine. I’m in.”
Mina looked around to see the others, they were apprehensive but willing. “Okay then, here’s what we do…”

Word count: 900

Chapter Text

Fuck me did this suck. It was Friday morning and Bakugou knew the day to come would drag, and the aching pit of dread in his stomach would only expand like a balloon waiting to pop. Everything felt too bright, and he felt eyes on him from the moment he woke. He had a habit for paranoia that he had never been able to shake, it started at around 9 and now he just tried to manage it.He needed to go home today after lessons and he wasn’t exited for it. He prepackaged his bags, knowing the hag hates any delays, and triple checked it for anything she wouldn’t like in there. Often drawings, pictures or “things of bad nature”. He needed to hide all the pictures he had with his Dad in a small box so that she wouldn’t find them. They were with him now and it just sucked knowing he couldn’t bring them back. “He betrayed us Katsuki!” Yeah right…
He knew she didn’t believe it.

He got dressed. It did him no good mulling over things like this. First lesson would go by fast enough anyways.

It did not. Katsuki was so overly aware of everything around him. The tension in his jaw, the clicking of pens, the sun seeping from the window and pointing just perfectly to blind him slightly. He tried to do his work but everything was blank. He tried to. He couldn’t bring his hand to paper. Not on days like his. Tension grabbed at his leg, he just needed to write. He just needed to do something.

“HEY LISTENER! TRY DOING THE ASSIGNMENT PLEASE!”
Goddamnit, even if Bakugou was going deaf it didn’t mean that didn’t hurt. He took up his pen and tried to start the assignment. By the time his Date and Title was written the bell rang. Thank the lord for that. If only he didn’t need to do it, and it wasn’t just added to his backlog of work.He made his way to his next lesson, opting for the longer route as to avoid traffic and his classmates. Fuck those guys.

“Fuck Denki! We missed him” Mina looked annoyed. The rest of the group huddled around trying to listen in. “Look, next time we catch him, it’ll be during lunch and we’ll have more time.” They didn’t know they wouldn’t have a chance to.

When Bakugou made it to his next class it was near empty. Except him and Deku. He felt like his hours went by so fast but so slow. Like a shitty writer trying to speed up to the good bit and going back to edit for continuity, adding big pieces of flavour text in order to make the pace of the book faster but right now it slowed. As he heard the words fall out of Deku’s mouth

“hi Kachan- I-I” Deku spoke with a hopeful streak, something Bakugou hoped to crush. His stuttering felt like confirmation of him being observed. He didn’t want to be Dekus friend. It first stemmed from his quirklessness, now it stemmed from his inability to take a hint, his hatred of boundaries and his sulvertounge and casual inability to keep secrets.

“What do you want Deku.” He replied, uncharacteristically calmly, he wanted this over as soon as possible if it could be helped and starting an argument wouldn’t do that. He needed to have a good performance then maybe that ache would leave him alone. The eyes would leave him.
“ I um, I didn’t mean for um all of this-“ Oh. So that’s what this was about. He wanted to make amends, feel better about himself. He could go choke.
“Tch, yeah right keep telling yourself that.”
“Is-Kachan! I’m not lying to you I really mean it-“ There he went again with his excuses. He was ending this.
“Izuku, I’ll give you some good advice, leave me the fuck alone. I have no use for you bullshit friends, bullshit sympathy and bullshit life, go fuck yourself, truly.”

He heard shuffling… and then yelling. They weren’t alone. Bakugou put on his harshest glare as he felt the room fill up.
“What the fuck man-“ “that’s so not manly” “not cool dude” “hey Midoriya are you alright.” “Jesus Christ man-“

It was Kirishma in the end who actually faced him, looking angry. He grabbed him by his collar. “Don’t you even dare do that again Katsuki- if I ever see that again I swear on everything you love-“ He felt his arm begin to twitch, nerves overtaking him.Blood running through his veins.

“Fuck you shitty hair! Don’t get into my business.”
“Izuku is my business!”
“Have you even fucking asked him how he feels?”
Kirishma paused
“I don’t need to! I know how he feels.”
Bakugou pushed himself out of his grasp, “let’s ask him then! Hey Deku! What do you think of this?” The eyes were suffocating.
The room was silent. You could hear a pin drop as Deku looked for the words to say.

At the moment Aizawa walked in and looked at the circle that had formed. What the fuck.
“Seats, everyone, now.” Sure enough, with trepidation they all moved back into their seats. They all had something to think about. Aizawa looked across the room. It was numbing. Something had just happened and he had no clue what, a feeling in his guts told him it was something about Bakugou Katsuki. It always seemed to be these days. But alas he knew he couldn’t pry, so he just did as and continued his lesson ‘Bakugou Katsuki what the hell is happening in your world’ the room was so tense. He felt the heat begin to rise up his neck. He felt the whole room focus in on him, like soul-filled cameras. Aizawa started his lesson.

Bakugou couldn’t stay. If he did something bad would happen. He felt it in his spine. He needed to leave. He started to tap the table and instantly stopped. They would hear. It would make it worse. She would know. She always knew. He needed to go. He couldn’t ask. Fuck that. Fuck. He needed to go. He stood up. Aizawa stopped talking “Ba-“
He left. He left. He needed out. Out. Out. Out of UA. Forget his stupid clothes, who cares. He walked straight out the gate. UA during lessons was less protected with only patrols as it was safer for students to be with teachers. Bakugou started making his way who knows where. He felt watched. He needed to leave. It crawled up his skin and festered like a rotten pigeon culling shrilly.

So he left. And he walked. Around and around. Till his legs ached. Till the sun started to set. Till he realised how stupid his choice was. Aizawa had definitely called home, the place he was supposed to be tonight. Fuck. He sat in a little park for hours. What does he do . He lay looking at the sky till it turned pink and blue. It was cold…

He started the walk home.
He started to shake

Word count: 1184

Chapter Text

Bakugou arrived at his home. It felt like it was screaming out to him. He shouldn’t go in. Nothing good ever happened when he went in.What choice did he really have? He could go back to UA, but that would only make things worse and his mother would eventually have him back here. He could do that to her no matter the situation she put him in. On her doorstep. Begging for mercy. His steps were shallow, he was jumpy and light on his feet.

His hand touched the door knob. His first steps into the house were silent. No screaming. Good sign. Bottles of aspirin and wine were pilled by the back door, and the floor next to the couch was more scratched up than the last week he was here. It was depressing to know how she had stewed, waiting for anyone. The tables were covered in a thin sheet of white powder different from the rest of the house. Dust began to settle on her furniture. He might as well make himself useful to her. She was his mom and he loved her. It wasn’t her fault her mind was like this. He remembered before dad died, she would have these same episodes, but he always knew what to do, he’d cover her in a blanket and cook her favourite food, and hold her. Katsuki always looked at this and knew they loved each other. He never needed to question that in his fucked up little childhood.Katsuki was only ten when he needed to take that role. The blanket always scratched her skin and the food was never right and his arms didn’t wrap around her. She’d either lash out at him or mistake him for his father… neither was good.

The bottles were cleared. The dust was no longer on the counters. He didn’t dare vacuum so instead removed the wilted flowers in the dining and cleaned the vase. He just sat on the couch. Waiting. He wasn’t sure what for. He didn’t know what he could do. He’d cleaned up everything including the aspirin bottles. He knew deep down they probably weren’t aspirin but he didn’t have the heart to check, he told himself as a kid it was aspirin so it was aspirin. He knew it could help him but he just didn’t have the heart to check.He waited. He heard a ring from upstairs. A few minutes passed. He heard methodical thumps down the stairs.
.

.

“ Katsuki…”
.
“Hi mom.”

“Katsuki, Katsuki Katsuki! My baby boy! Oh how are you!”
“I’m alright mom-“
She smacked his head. It hurt. A lot.
“Katsuki! What’s wrong with you? You fucking idiot, what the fuck why would you talk to me like that?”
Bakugou had zero idea what she was talking about. He knew she wasn’t in right mind but it still hurt. He needed to be strong though, a little slap wasn’t enough to break him.
“Honestly! You fucking piece of shit, I should have aborted you when I had the chance. Kill yourself.” She shoved him away.
Katsuki knew to stay back in these moments. In the next minutes she’d be back to her nice self. The one he called his mom. The one who loved him. So he sat in the corner. The house too silent.

“Hey Katsuki! Let’s have dinner together! It’s been so long, and I miss you!” He was right of course. He knew his mother. He knows she loves him. He remembered when dad would buy mom little snacks and make him deliver them when they got home. She’d take them in her arms and kiss his forehead ‘my baby’ she’d say. Oh how he misses when those words were comforting.
“Okay mom…”
She seemed happy. That was good. It was hard to live with her most days. Since his grandparents died and set aside money for the both of them, it made it a lot easier, yet his mother needed help. Help she refused to get. She was too headstrong to admit anything was wrong, and when she’d do something terrible to Katsuki it would just make her worse.
No matter what Katsuki was left feeling disgusted.

Katsuki diced the carrots for the curry and set the table while his mother cooked. She loved to cook. Always had.
It smelled amazing. A mixture of nostalgia and stinging in his mind. He’d sell his soul to stay in moments like this.
The food was set.
They sat facing each other in amicable silence.They sat like that for a good 30 minutes, slowly eating.She started to scratch at her arms. Rapidly. She was stressed. Paranoia runs in the family I guess. Katsuki started tapping the floor . “I got a call from school.” Katsuki remained composed, inside he was shitting himself. This could mean anything “Hmn, what did they say.”

“You’re skipping school and hurting classmates.”
.
.
“Katsuki, am I a bad mother..”
He didn’t know how to respond to that what was he-
“Did I raise you to be like this, please tell me. Please.” She was shaking, racked with grief.
“No mom- you- you always tried your hardest and-“
She started to cry, and stood up
“I’m shit! So fucking shit! God I failed you! I failed my baby! My baby…”
She looked like she’d just seen someone shot in the head. “I hurt my baby. I touched him… really badly. I should fucking kill myself. Katsuki please just kill me.”
Bakugou was out of his depth. He was emotionally constipated enough already. He sat down on the floor next to her. And pleaded for her to be his mom, not the illness that slowly killed her for years. It festered. Just like him.

“Mom…it’s not your fault, please just- if you tried to get help… if you went.” His tongue was dry.
“THEY WOULD LOCK ME UP. I’d never get to see you again, I’d kill myself in the cell. Do you want mommy to kill herself katsuki.” She was on her feet now. “No mom I-“
“SHUT UP. Shut up, nobody’s going to take my baby. Katsuki you can’t fucking take him from me!”
She grabbed the vase from the table
“Please mom, can we just-“
“NO. I’m not crazy, I’m not crazy. Masaru said I’m just ill. I’m ill…”
“Mom can you put the vase-“

Something struck him. Right on the forehead. He felt it crack as shards of glass embedded itself into his skull. Blood spooled out of his head, gushing over his eyes as he screamed. It was chesty and hoarse. His head pounded. He heard quiet sobs as he faded into unconsciousness.

I woke up and it was pitch black outside. He felt movement beneath him. He was sweaty. His face was covered in blood as his shirtless back hit the hardwood floor. Something had happened. He knew what was below him. He wanted to puke, scream, anything but he could only watch. Look. Grit his teeth and endure it. His mother was below him. “I’ll make my baby feel good, he needs to feel good.”

Bile rose in him. He turned to his side and spewed the curry he had ate previously. Nostalgic.
He was inside his mother. He wanted no more in that moment to die.
Her eyes lightened, her body began to shake as she looked down at him. She stood up. She hid. She was so disgusted. At everything. “Katsuki…baby…” his throat tightened. He held back tears. What could he say. She solemnly walked up the stairs. Got him a change of clothes and 7000¥.
“Leave. Leave now. I can’t look at you. Please just fucking leave…”
Katsuki didn’t want to leave her.
Katsuki did this to her. If he wasn’t born, she wouldn’t have gotten like this.It was 1:00. It was dark cold and winter. But he left. He felt more than disgusted. He wanted to peel his skin back and forget all about this. He wanted a new soul, he wanted to be loved. With only the money and his phone in his pockets, blood still spilling down his face, he left. The vase had done its damage.

Word count: 2365

Chapter Text

It was revolting. The state Bakugou left that house in. His eyes hung low. He looked back at the small house, poison ivy running up its side from neglect. Neglect. How ironic. His house used to be spotless, dad was a clean freak. It worked with his mom but-

He needs to stop thinking about his dad. It wouldn’t help him.

Bakugou walked.
It was dark. Too dark. He squinted through the dark.
He was cold. Could be colder. It still bit at his fingers and turned them a bright red.
He felt the blood clump to the top of his head like manuka honey, holding strong. Never letting go, disgusting . He knew his face was covered in the stuff. He wouldn’t be let into shops, even if it wasn’t for the fact everywhere was closed. Hair stained brown with blood on a walking public bomb was hardly a welcoming thing for a minimum wage worker and he’d prefer not to get kicked out by security guards, again. Always being mistaken for a low level villain or recognised as the dog of UA. He just needed to be out for 1 night, then they could buy some food and clean up, but then what?

He hated this. He hated his shitty life, and his shitty mom. He hated that he had been put in this position. He hated that his mom loves him, he just wished she hated him. Then he can not feel guilty for hating her.
She still hugged him back. Even when his hugs were uncomfortable and not like Dads, she’d apologise for yelling and cry how much she loved him. It felt like his brain was dipped in citrus, it hurt so much to think about.Before it was too bad. When he still went to bed with love next to him…

But he just kept walking. As the scene changed and he covered more land he saw more and more on the horizon that he needed to get to. He needed to. He must endure this.

He could sleep in the skatepark 10 minutes away but people go there at night. There was this homeless man there once, yelled at him while passing to go home. He couldn’t deal with the public right now. I guess people always jeered at him. Even before UA. Gross. Was he just…like that? Recognisably detestable just on sight. He couldn’t deny it.

He walked…
He found an underpass. This was the furthest he could go without being in an unknown area. He wasn’t willing to take that risk, the gang shit and crime was already bad enough in his area he didn’t need to find out the hard way about other places. It was shelter, and somewhat insulated from the seasons. He sat down on the path, trying to make himself as small and unnoticed as possible. The blue light shone above him. A sky of LED lights illuminating his face.
Fuck.
…
…
…
The silence ate him alive. All there was as crickets and locusts in the grasses nearing him. Suffocating. He needed to do something. He needed to stop feeling his mother on him.
He went on his phone. 5%. He looked at all his contacts. He could call someone….They wouldn’t answer if he did. Maybe- no, he refused. Deku knows too much, Aizawa is on his case, and all the others would laugh in his face. He needed someo-
…
He needed to throw up the dinner they made. He needed to become only his dad. Purge all of her influence, her bile and gall from him. The blood in his hair must be good if it makes him look even a little less then his mother. Brown hair.
The light that shone on his face went out, turning off his phone.

Bakugou couldn’t hear anything. He was used to that, but he couldn’t hear ANYTHING. The impact probably was the last straw for his hearing aids. So he’s sitting on this underpass, it’s deadly silent as his ears are fucked, he’s been fucked by his mommy, his head is caved in and it’s the dead of night. How hard did that woman hit him? With intent to kill, I swear. And to top it off he couldn’t stand anything of it. Bakugou thought a lot about enduring, he needed to, or else what would become of him. If he didn’t endure, he’d submit. To his life, to his role, to his death. He wouldn’t be like his dad. He wouldn’t drop dead because it’s too hard. He’d lift his head up, he’d stand up from this shitty underpass and walk. But not tonight. He’ll get up in the morning. He sleeps in the little tunnel, blue dancing on his red stained cheek.

He didn’t hear the chittering around him as he fell into slumber. He is vulnerable. Poor kid. Poor, poor kid.

Wc- 818

Chapter Text

Tw!
Hiya! Sorry for the long update. I haven’t posted in a while because of exams and just life in general. I’ve been thinking about who I am quite a bit and what that means. What it means to walk through the world as me. The political implications of everything I do. I know I will never kill myself because it’s a political action against me. Greedy politicians want me to kill myself so I won’t.It shows others it’s bad to be me and it’s not.
I’ve been mulling on this quite a bit. How my reaction suffering impacts those around me and sends a message , if even this fic impacts people. I see people leave kudos at odd times of the day and think it does. I hope everyone knows I see them. I acknowledge you as a person, as a fellow random person. I hope we can express our suffering through art, no matter how juvenile, like a mha fic. Now that I’ve doubled the word count, onto the story!

——

There’s always a sense of finality to these things. To sadness. To hurt. Once it all ends… it doesn’t. Something people refuse to tell you is after that after that ending relief, the cathartic finish, it all just happens again. It’s a boyfriend instead of a dad, yourself instead of your mother. Seeing faces in the walls is passed down generations. You will feel terrible forever and become just as bad as them.

I say Let the guilt eat you. Let the regret consume you.
While the stars are above you, dance with your past mistakes.
While you dance they will step on your feet, and tug at you.
But dance with your regret.
It will make you better.
Despite it all, you are worth it
So let the guilt consume you
Because you will be better for it.
Accept that you hated what you did.
And grow from it.

Run away from the finality you crave, run away, run away, run a-

When Bakugou woke up he felt cold. Like ice water had been poured all over him. He cleared his throat but the stone wouldn’t clear.
He needed water, and food. Life’s luxuries. He still had the money his M- she had given him. It felt like blood money. He couldn’t hear the steady traffic from above the underpass. He couldn’t hear, only sounds so loud others can’t ignore. He took out his hearing aids. No point if they didn’t do anything, just made him a visible target.
He walked.

He tied his hair in a manner that made him look slightly unhinged, but hid the brown tear on his head. An explosion. He looked so homeless right now, with his home clothes on. As much as he hated uniforms (they never seemed to sit right) he had gotten used to them over the years and felt exposed without it. It would help him blend in if it weren’t for it never sitting right.It showed he was a kid. Damn. He’s a kid. He always felt like a mini adult. Grown enough to give responsibility, young enough to never respect or relate to. He remembers begging for that for so long. Until he was given it. “Given” it.He walked into the convenience store. He bought the cheapest thing money could buy. The cashier only looked knowingly, bored yet knowing. It’s the situation of everyone here.He really needed to get away from this place.

He set down a few streets away from the shop. Sat on the pavement. It was unlikely to see anyone he knew here, it being the dwelling of mostly single mothers and villains. Great combination.
Till this moment he had been mostly running on snark and pain but now that he had the chance to sit it was all fine. He ate his shitty meal.

“OI YOU-“
It pierced through the silence.The fuck was that, Bakugou’s head snapped back to the street where a man around his stature yet with more overt muscle tone was slowly approaching. He knew the sane thing was to run, but his limbs were so heavy, could he not just try and diffuse this?

. What the fuck was he thinking, diffuse this?!
Sense caught up to him but at that point it was too late.
“Hey buddy! Let’s just make this fucking quick, no veneer, give me what you have.”
This was bad. All he had was 5000 yen. If this guy recognised him he’d surely be fucked aswell.
“Y-Yeah, here… I don’t really have anything to give you tho-“
It felt shameful. He was a hero for fucks sake, but he couldn’t risk it. He couldn’t. Or he just didn’t want to. He wasn’t really sure. He wasn’t sure of a lot right now. He wanted to be sure. He wanted to be sure so bad. It was always just feelings. Never definitive facts. He felt watched so he was watched. He felt useless so he is useless. He felt fake so he is fake.
He felt empty.
He felt cold.
He felt something.
But he never felt sure.

He was left alone.
On the side of the road.
Alone.
He felt lonely.
He sees the cars passing.
One step.
So little could do so much.
He’s on autopilot.
Only one step.
He felt watched.
One step.
He needs to leave.
One step.
He felt empty.
One step.
He starts walking .
One step.
He starts running.
…

…

…

…

…

It’s so quiet.

…

…

…

…

…

Where do I go now?

Chapter Text

Where do I go now?

He was everywhere and he was nowhere.

Bakugou is running, but from what?
Where do we go now? What do i write? This is the problem you see, sometimes you start a story and don’t know where to end it. Did I tell you guys I’ve never watched my hero academia? I just started writing this for shits and giggles.You start writing a Harry Potter oneshot or about a niche indie game but always get distracted . You can never steer straight.
You can never steer straight.
He could never steer straight.
Bakugou never knew where he was going, in all honesty he just went. People said he’d be a good hero, so he decided to become a hero.
He chose the path of least resistance every time. What did others want of him? Strength, normalcy, conformity.
When he was younger he cared less. When his mom would call him a queer for how he looked, it didn’t matter, but now it meant life. So now he looks different.
Mom always wanted Dad back. She couldn’t have him. God forbid his child be a perversion of what he wanted. Dad wanted a boy to play football with, to bring him a name. At least that’s what mom always said, she might have just gotten it from those shitty drama’s she watches at 3 am.

He’s running, but to what? Where. What is the good ending.

He’s in the rain. He’s alone. He has no money. He’s hurt. Where does he go?

It had been a long night for Aizawa. To put it frankly, he was panicked. His student had ran out the day before and he didn’t know how to remedy it. Bakugou was getting close to his final warning, and it was the last thing Aizawa wanted. He was a bright kid.
This shift was dragging. He never liked patrolling alone, contrary to popular belief. There’s only so much walking around in the same city one man can do till it becomes monotonous. It was a busy intersection this time. He was stationed here mostly to deter drag racing but it was uncommon as is.

Aizawa watched the traffic.
He saw something?
It was a sporadic blob, walking straiGHT THROUGH TRAFFIC?
People nowadays, zero regard for themselves.
Their hair looked a mess, a dark brown from dirt?
The hair itself was definitely a lighter colour though. They were probably a drug addict or homeless. Something to do.
They were fast, darting between cars as fast as possible as if this were normal.

He better stop this.
Aizawa rushed off from the bridge he was stationed on and landed on the concrete.
“HEY-“
He yelled to the figure, they just ran.
So Aizawa ran faster.
“You can’t run here!”
The figure just continued.
‘What the fuck?’
The traffic was slow and they began to reach the other side, a walled off walk way .
This was Aizawa chance.
“HEY- stop, we can talk about this..”
the figure stopped, contemplated.
And sat down. Curled into their knees and looked down.

“Hey…are you alright? You know you shouldn’t be on those roads?”
They stayed silent.
As Aizawa get closer, they looked…terrible to say the least. Their hair looked less like dirt, more like blood.
“Sir, are you injured? You seem to be bleeding?Sir-“
They refused to look up.

What the fuck do I do? What the fuck do I do? What the fuck do I do? What the fuck do I do?
Of all the hero’s in this city it just had to be this one huh?

“Sir if you don’t respond I’ll need to call someone?”

What the fuck do I do?
Bakugou looked up.
Aizawa looked straight into his eyes, and through him.

What the fuck do I do?
“Bakugou Katsuki, what the actual”

“Just let me be.” Bakugou curled in on himself. He hated everything about this

“Hey kid, just relax right you’re injured yeah? Just stay there alright.”
“I need to make some calls.”

Just stay there.

Bakugou just looked at the floor.

Chapter Text

Bakugou day at his teachers feet, arms wrapped around his knees, on the pavement. Passers by looking at the slight scene but mostly making their daily commute as if nothing was happening. As if the world wasn’t ending. As if there’s wasn’t nothing ahead of him. He just sat. The cars look so beautiful when they dashed in between each other. When the colourful cars passed.
There’s nothing ahead of him.
He put his head in his knees.
Aizawa noticed this.
He had called the UA medical representative and asked for a new case file to be opened for Bakugou and for someone who had previously treated him to come to the scene. He also called a social worker he knew, and made a note to bring this up in the next meeting even if it went nowhere.
Aizawa got down to Bakugous level and sat beside him, the kids arms still in his face. He was shaking slightly and his breathing was raised.
“Hey kid it’s fine really, we’ve got this”
“Please just leave me alone.” He huffed, not making eye contact
“Just let me go I promise you please just”
“Bakugou I can’t we need to sort this out swee-“
“Just let me go, I won’t-“
He wasn’t hearing him.

Bakugou made no indication that he had heard him. Just looked straight down.
“Katsuki are you alright” he touched his shoulder
He jumped back, his eyes were sporadic like he had punched him and his breathing became even more laboured.
He was like a wild dog, shaking and rocking at the contact. It was too soon. His bones were still cold to the core, chattering in his body. There was nothing ahead of him. He was so goddamn weak. Spooked like a cat. He was so fucking stupid, there was no way Aizawa was gonna let him go. He was trapped, always trapped. He closed his eyes and curled further in on himself.

He was hanging in the hallway next to the stairs.There was a bottle at his feet with jagged lines going down his arms. In his pocket 2 notes. One from a small child detailing how his daddy was a superhero, better then almight and how he was gonna be as strong as he could for his mommy to live a good life. The other said goodbye.

It was a full blown panic attack at this point, with Aizawa unable to reach him, he couldn’t hear. So they just stayed in that tense position. Bakugou facing his teacher while he saw him undo himself.
After a certain point his breathing didn’t calm, he simply forced himself to stop, choking on the air he breathed. It was only through force of will. He was tired. He was so tired. He wanted to endure it but the stone was so comfortable, and Aizawa was here. Aizawa. He was so goddamn weak. And for some strange reason in that moment all he could think about was Deku. The stupid kid who lacked boundaries, who was stronger than him by every metric, who had the strength to forgive his abuser. He could never do that. He wished to have that but how can you forgive someone while they still hurt you? Deku knew his dad had killed himself. He remembers the day he left. It was a Saturday, and he’d finished his homework afterschool, staying behind in the library. It was his favourite place. He got home and mom was on the sofa. She just sat there looking forward a blanket covering her lower half. He ran and gave her a hug and she accepted. She took him into her arms and she cried. This confused him. She only really did that when she was drunk and he couldn’t smell alcohol on her breath. He looked into the hallway from the sofa. She held him closer, her hands pruned. At the sight of her husband like that. Infront of her son.

It wasn’t his proudest moment, falling asleep on the pavement but he didn’t care.

Aizawa saw the small boy start to sleep and he hoped for it. It would make this experience a lot easier for everyone involved. The small snores coming off his frame soothed him to no end. Something had happened to this kid. His kid. And he was going to find out what. The social worker and Recovery girl plus a few interning her arrived around the same time and he debriefed them on the situation. His student had left and come back hurt, and once he had talked to him started to display symptoms of a panic attack but he couldn’t calm him. Hearing this, the social workers started writing stuff down, questioning Aizawa so that they would have all the information as recovery girl got to work.
“I think it would be advantageous that we don’t heal him straight away, nothing seems to be deadly from the looks of it. But… they don’t look pretty.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Well, we can only ask for Bakugou’s or a parent/guardians permission to photograph him and his injuries and a lot of the damage seems to be inflicted so I would prefer not to heal it before we know what we are dealing with here. To put it bluntly I think he was hurt by some he stayed with . Once we get back to UA, we can easily get a scan of his injuries that doesn’t require parental consent or expose him as it’s under hero schools permissions and allowances.”
“We should probably get him there quickly then, just in case, Shizune can you file all the evidence I’ve given in the meanwhile just in case a case does open up.” The woman nodded and smiled.
“Great…let’s do this then” Word count: 967

Chapter Text

Kirishima had stayed at school that week. His parents were renovating the house and it was more convenient if he just stayed at school for 1 weekend without sleeping on the couch. It was incredibly boring however. Only a few people had stayed behind that week, most for lack of want to pack and move that week, Deku for his gut. He’s had a bad feeling since Bakugou ran out apparently and had been keeping to himself since it. He and Todoroki could be seen in deep conversation about something and Kiri could only assume it’s about him. He didn’t get it. How could Izuku stay silent about what he did to him when it was categorically wrong?How could he defend him? It was disgusting. Bakugous actions were disgusting. But Izuku still stand with him.
In the dorms was Uraraka, Midoriya, Todoroki, Himself and Mina. He and Mina decided to roam the halls. There was nothing better to do.

It was a weird experience for everyone there moving Bakugou. Cramped into a van not made for this many people what so ever. It was normally just recovery girl and her driver and patient on the table with her driver, but with Aizawa and her interns it turned into more of a clown car then anything else. The ride however was quick, the highway being relatively slow on Sundays. The interns dispersed, and Aizawa helped recovery girl move him through the building on a stretcher.

His face looked so bad. A Swollen gash spanning from his inner eyebrow to the corner of his hairline. The blood had started to dry and clot around it leaving his face stained and pained. It couldn’t have been pretty to get.

They wheeled him into the school. Going down halls, passing the Cafeteria and pulling him into the nurses office. There were faces, there but he ignored them. There were bigger fish to fry.

They started with hooking him up to the scanner, getting out their report files and started to read him. It took 15 minutes for the results to come back. Recovery girl looked concerned.

“Well.”
“Mh?”
She took a deep breath.
“This doesn’t seem good, he’s not in physical danger.”
“What does it say Chiyo?”
“I’ll read it the minor stuff first.it seems he was pushed over a few times before the main altercation due to the slight bruising on his body. There’s also longerterm malnutrition though it seems to be minor. He has some scarring on his thighs which seem to have closed up yet due to their brightness don’t seem to be older then a few months. It also suggests he has thrown up in the last few hours, I assume due to nausea.”
“As for the gash, it seems he was hit with something made of glass, maybe a beerbottle or some tablewear? There’s shards of glass in the cut and we should clean it as soon as possible to avoid risk of sepsis. It’s the last thing thats scaring me though.”
Aizawa quirked his head at this, nothing else seemed visible.
“Go on?”
“He seems to have some intense bruising on his groin leading down from his stomach. There’s also scrapes on his body from someone’s nails. it isn’t the underside that’s bruised so I don’t think he was kicked or kneed there. I’m under commission oath to investigate further if I have any suspicions.To do more testing we would need the principal to agree or his parents, but seeing as we don’t know who did this to him I’m slightly averse to including his relatives in the conversation. It’s in my gut I swear it. I’ll probably sedate him, to buy us more time and you should get Nezu. I’ll clean his cut while I’m there.”
That was a lot of information to take in. But he didn’t have time to process it. He wasn’t naive. He knew where that bruising probably came from. He needed to find Nezu.

Kirishima and Mina were in the lunch haul, laughing and joking. They had grabbed some water bottles and were making their way back up until they saw the movement of a stretcher being pushed full force through the school by Aizawa. On it was a particular blonde. His hair a dirty brown and a heavy gash on his face. He was sleeping. He looked so tired, his eyes sinking into his face. He looked so alone. They tended at the sight before it was briskly moved away from them. Faded into obscurity.
“What the fuck?!-“ “What the hell?!-“
They looked at each other, their throats tightened.
“What just- is Bakugou alright is he-“
“We, fuck, we need to tell the others”
It always shook them up to see their classmates hurt, but it was somehow worse off the battlefield. We are supposed to be safe when we aren’t fighting.
They walked back to the dorms a subtle shame climbing up their backs.

Kirishima knocked on Izukus door. Well that’s putting it nicely, it sounded like he was being swatted. Deku slowly cracked open the door, revealing his face and Todoroki and Uraraka sat on the floor chattering looking towards him.
“Oh, hi, Kirishima! What do you need, you look umm distressed? You aswell Mina?”
The conversation behind him died down their attention now solely fixed on them.
“Izuku, you were right. Holy shit you-“
He caught his breath, running from the cafeteria to the dorms had took it out of him.l
“We saw Bakugou.”
“Kaachan?!”
“He umm, he looked like shit respectfully…Aizawa was with him and he was brought to the medical-“
Deku was already moving in that direction.
You can bet his friends followed.
Kirishima stood in place.

Wc:951

Chapter Text

Kirishima stood in place. Who was he. Atleast to Bakugou. Who was he? He had tried to reach him but gave up so easily after he pushed away. After he was confronted, he just listened to the narrative given to him. But now Bakugou was hurt and he felt…disturbed. He’d always prided himself on being very open minded but he wasn’t sure if he was anymore. He was his best friend for fucks sake. Was. In his heart he knew the story was deeper than anyone has said. He knew his classmates like he knew his hands, he needed to. Deku may be a nice guy but he didn’t just side with assholes for the sake of it. Katsuki may be brash, spiteful and loudmouthed but he wasn’t a bad person. There was this one black cat that always makes its way around school grounds, Mina and Tsuyu say it’s Aizawas but who knows at this point, they’ve given him bad information before. The cat used to sleep outside the main building always assumedly following Sensei into the compound but stopped at the door. Bakugou would always lower his voice seeing the cat. He’d refuse to pet it for fear of his quirk going off but it recognised him and would rub against his leg. It was nice to see in the mornings. He never brought it up to him.
Why couldn’t he just hear him out.
He guesses it’s easier to act righteous when there’s a group behind you.

Was he right to even tell anyone? Probably not. It’s unlikely Bakugou would want to see any of them or for any of them to see him like that. But with Deku stressing all weekend… it would feel like a betrayal in itself not too.

Todoroki knew about Midoriya and Bakugou . He actually listened. He always listened. And Midoriya told his story’s cleanly. He told the truth.
You could call Midoriya a lot of things but he wasn’t a lier.It was a rush to catch up with him, calling after the green haired boy to slow down. Jeez he needed to do more cardio, it’s embarrassing.

They came to a stop outside an extra classroom. Deku gripped his fists. His knuckles white deep in thought and realisation. Full of tension.
“I don’t think Kaachan would really want me there.”
Shoto and Ochako blinked.
“We um, we haven’t been on the best terms for a while now.”
Ochako spoke up “but Deku…you’re so worried about him and we don’t even know what happened…”
“We could just ask a staff member, we don’t directly need to see him… just to check up on him.”
“B-but what if something went wrong!”
“Then recovery girl would need us out the way even more, let’s give it an hour.”
Deku solemnly nodded at this. The energy in his body electric.
“I won’t be able to keep still. But alright”

—-

Aizawa found himself in Nezu’s office as the while mammal made a pot of tea, as was customary.
He played with a tuft of hair near his ear, not knowing what to think.

“You seem stressed?”
“Hm. I am frankly.”
“Well that can’t be good.”
The principal sat in his seat at the head of the table.
“What do you need from me Aizawa?”

“i need you to authorise medical control over a student who has been injured and sedated by Recovery Girl. She is under oath to investigate this as far as possible.”
His eyebrow quirked:
“And who is this student?”
“…Bakugou Katsuki.”
“No.”

Aizawa shot him his sharpest most serious look.
“What do you mean no.”
Nezu sighed. Thought for a second before deciding it best to tell Aizawa. He was a loyal man.
“The media around that boy is…intense. If it comes out that the school is exercising authority over that boy medically I can only imagine how the Villians will use that propaganda wise. They did that before with the incident at the sports festival. It would only harm the boy more.”
He took a sip of his tea, herbal and green.
“With all due respect Nezu, if we don’t find out what is going on with that kid the consequences will be infinitely worse for him, and if it comes out we neglected that imagine how the Villians will use that ‘golden UA student neglected while downtrodden by hero society’. It’s a loose-loose situation but I’d prefer our student body safe. You know the circumstances to where Recovery Girl needs to intervene.”
He looked at his lap.
He thought.
He thought for 3 minutes, the clock ticking.
“Fine, Aizawa.”
He stood from his chair moving to the door towards the filing cabinet.
“But you better hope nothing comes of this.”
He signed the leave.

“Also, Aizawa?”
He looked up at this
“ that last warning you gave him. We gave him. That Midoriya gave him in all honesty…if the circumstances are correct and Chiyo was in right. We may have just saved him.”
“…”
“Isn’t it odd that something so passive to us can have such a great effect? You can leave now”
Aizawa didn’t know what to make of that.
It felt sticky and gross. A comment made in good faith but too deep to ignore.
—-

Recovery girl had sedated the boy and started to clean the cut on his head. There were so many shards of glass she couldn’t remove all of them but determined that it would heal over fine, just scar slightly, but his quirk shouldn’t make it too noticeable. Upon further inspection the gash made its way into his hair, causing the blood in his hair. She’d be sure to wash that out. So she did as they waited for Aizawa.

She looked at the boys sleeping frame. He was slightly warm in the face but nothing some medicine wouldn’t fix once he woke . It was always unnerving to her how peaceful people could look while being so hurt. How young all the children were. In her old age she’d seen a lot of things. The way the human body manipulates itself and can be contorted is nothing short of nightmarish. She didn’t regret any of it, being able to undo some of that.

There were 30 minutes till the drugs wore off when Aizawa arrived, with the paperwork in hand and deep in thought. He handed over the sheet of paper which promptly went into Bakugou’s file and she got to work using the scanner at the needed level to produce any conclusive information.
“Wait…”
Her hands shook slightly at the report in her hand. He throat choked up.
“Well I’m afraid our suspicion was true… I just- at this scale? Her- I”

“Aizawa we have failed this boy. This cannot be discussed in such detail here. Take the file, bring it to your friend Shizune. I’ll monitor him and try and talk to him when he wakes up. We has a suspicion of who but… we will need his own testimony.”
“Document everything.”
“What do you take me for? I’m not an idiot of course I will.”

Inside of Bakugou’s head it hurt. He felt like he was wrapped in bubblegum and like a kaleidoscope had been strapped to his face. It was disorienting. He heard mutters but just fell deeper into the warm smooth bubblegum. He knew he’d need to get up soon but for now he just relaxed and felt himself relax. The shapes were pretty. Pink then purple then orange. He always liked pink and orange was the next best thing, they could both be his favourite colour though because that would be unfair. He giggled mentally. He could imagine himself in pink, pastel and soft like bubblegum. It was so pretty. He wishes he was allowed. He frowned at that. Maybe he was.
He stared to feel ill as he moved through it and found an opening.
He saw his dad, he was infront of him and his face was blank like it was erased. He couldn’t see him. The bubble gum was gone as he ran towards him it was all stuck in his hair, it fell down to his shoulders. He fell into his father’s arms. His dad held him.

“Kat-su k I- love——.- you.——.-“
His voice, he couldn’t remember it but it was so sweet. And suddenly it all cleared.”
“My sour sweet baby, I missed you.” He could feel tears falling down his warm face.
“I missed out on a bunch huh. Oh baby I’m so sorry shhhhh. I shouldn’t have scared you like that when you are so sick.”
“I’m not ill.”
“You’re ill baby. Like how Daddy was ill, and how mommy is still ill…we should have gotten better for you.”
Katsuki sat with that.
“I’m ill.”
“We need to accept these things or else we end up worse then our corrupted minds could imagine.”
“I’m scared.”
“We all are. But courage isn’t the lack of fear but the sense to ignore it.”
He could feel himself start to wake up
“I missed you dad…”
“I missed you too baby, and remember sweetheart…I love you in every universe. Please remember that.”

Katsuki felt his body sink.

Word count: 1536

Chapter Text

Mina knew she was probably a bad person but just couldn’t find it in herself to care. She was protective of the things she loved. That’s all she had to say on the matter. She did what she thought was right and that’s exactly what a hero is supposed to do. She won’t be made to feel guilty for this just because the guy was hurt. He ran out because of them and got hurt. They got hurt all the time… it was jarring though. Seeing someone like that. Never got less jarring.
She walked alone to her room.
Sat on the floor and looked at her ceiling.
She would stop tormenting him though. That’s her part done.
She ignored the larger issue of what she had started and the hate she had fostered in others.

Deku had ran around the track 30 times at this point. Uraraka and Todoroki sat on the bench making casual conversation. It would be a cute scene if not for what had happened and the tension of not knowing. Todoroki had his knees up to his chest and the air was icy. Uraraka looked at her thighs.
“Do you think I’m in the wrong?”
Todoroki broke from his trance and looked at her.
“Well, I knew Mina was going to target him and try and get him kicked out and I didn’t say anything.I watched her organise it… and then Deku told me the true story and I didn’t say anything.”
He thought for a second
“I think…it felt very inappropriate to defend him.”
“Well Deku did…Deku did.”
“We aren’t Deku. And as much as Deku is my friend he has his part in all of this aswell.”
“I guess that’s true.”
“…”
“…”
“I hate class drama.”
“Agreed.”
They just hoped the guy was okay. What had even happened when he was gone.
At that moment Deku ran up to them, sweat broken and a passion burning in his eyes
“It’s been an hour and 15 minutes! We should go and s-see Kaachan.”
They gathered up the sparse things they had on them and made a b-line for recovery girls office.
Todoroki whispered to him “just don’t freak him out.”
Deku nodded. Thank goodness.
They stood outside the office.

—-

Bakugou felt numb. In his legs, in his head. He just felt numb. He can’t do this. He can’t endure this. He just can’t. It’s easy to be hurt and touched, this wasn’t easy. He missed his dad. He wanted to be healthy. He didn’t want this curse.
So the only choice is to get better.
He can’t take the same door his dad did, he refused.
So what does he do? Does he die on that table? Does he leave his body forever.

He opens his eyes to the ceiling, checking the coast. Nobody was there. He hears a slight muttering from the entrance of the recovery room, where visitors enter, but nobody.
He stood up on shakey legs, trying to bear his body without falling. His head hurt, his arms were numb, his breath was ragged and wheezing but he was standing up. He makes a step, then another and they would all feel like accomplishments if not for how they exhausted him with every step. A door to his left, he tilts it open and enters the bathroom.

—-
Midoriya was scared. He was often scared, but he knew it needed to be done. He braces himself, and knocks on the recovery door.
“Aizawa is that you-“
“Ah- hello Miss Recovery Girl Miss I-“
“I swear to you Izuku Midoriya if it another bone-“
Todoroki and Ochako look at each other at this, they couldn’t blame her. Deku looked slightly vindicated.
“No!no, not another bone, I um. Kaa- Katsuki Bakugou, I heared he was here?”
She looked at him seriously and stepped out of the medical office.
“What do you mean you heard? There’s no way you should have- this is serious Izuku please tell me…”
“Well our classmate Kirishima said he saw him and that he didn’t look very good… we want to make sure he’s okay!”
At this Uraraka and Todoroki nodded.
“Well, that’s a relief.” She sighed. Confidentiality was important at this time.
“So can we know if he’s alright ma’m” Todoroki spoke up.
“We don’t need to hear everything! Just a confirmation he’s okay!” Uraraka prefaced.
What should she say to that.
“Theres little doubt he will make a full physical recovery.”
They all visibly relaxed at that, recovery girl herself even. He would be okay.

There was a shrill crash from the room behind them.

—-
Katsuki look in the mirror of the boys restroom. His hair was past his upper ears and curved around his face so softly. His hair was always so soft. It voiced with every step he took and he couldn’t look away. It was like looking at a Deity. He grasped the sink like he was going to fall in. Like his reflection was a nymph trying to tempt him into deep waters. He felt beautiful.
He felt like every universe.
He felt loved.
His face was unreadable looking at the messy hair. He normally avoided mirrors like pestilence, but he looks so nice, he looked stunning, he looked like a kaleidoscope he looked like bubblegum he looked like magic he-
He looked like her.
With her blonde hair and manic face. With her sharp teeth and soft face. He looked like his mother. He wanted to scream. We wanted to cry. He wanted the blood back in his hair. He wanted to look like his dad.
His dad. Tender and kind and dead. He wanted to look like his dad. It put holes in his stomach the thought of it. Becoming a man like his father. Becoming a man.
He refused to admit it but he’d cry about it, stuck together in a bathroom by tape and persistence.
He looked in the mirror
It was like a pieta. A broken body being held up by his beginnings
His fist collided with the glass.
He fell to the floor.

Wc:1019

Chapter Text

Their hearts sank and lept.
The sound shot their cores and their goosebumps raised as if a long finger had traced down their neck to the bottom vertebrae.
In the end it was Todoroki who moved first, the only one detached enough from the situation to truly try and understand it.
It came from the bathroom, when they entered the makeshift hospital that was Recovery girls office it was sterile of the presence they all came here for.
Todoroki, Midoriya and Uraraka ran to the bathroom while recovery girl walked to her desk, enabling full camera permission to the entire office. If this encounter was to happen in the toilets so be it, but it needs to be recorded.

They entered the scene and it glittered. The bright glow of the overhanging light, The way the glass shards twinkled under it all, and the small kid who was like a burning fire- curled in on himself over a bleeding hand while tears slowly fell and he shook. He shook like existing for another second was a threat, a terrible terrible threat.

Bakugou didn’t hear them walk him. He didn’t hear the crash of the mirror, he didn’t hear the slam of the door. But he felt it all. His breathing was ragged. His heart felt small, wrapped tightly in cling film.
He felt how Todoroki moved to his side, followed by Deku, mirroring him. He felt Uraraka consider carrying him, as recovery girl entered the room and told her it was fine. He felt their concern.
Till he could finally focus on the words. It was Todoroki. Deku stunned silent.

“Katsuki, are you alright? I-“ he took in his appearance “can we look at your hand… Katsuki please-“
“Please!” The room stilled
“Please stop… don’t call me that, I just…I can’t right now” he couldn’t handle that right now.
“O-okay I won’t. I won’t. Can I please see your hands uh, champ? “
Katsuki chuckled? Giggled? at this, face sticky and wet.He was trying atleast, through this fucked up situation.
He uncurled his hands away from his body still remaining small.His hand was mangled, the knuckled bleeding and running down to the tip of his fingers. It fucking hurt. More glass now lodged into his body. It was like Izuku and that damn hospital bed. Katsuki and glass, a match made in heaven, or hell he doubts there’s a good place and good people.

“Thank you so much sweet- wait no that’s too affectionate, well it’s not bad-“
This made Katsuki shake his head and smirk. What an idiot. His hands and body were still shaking and he felt so ugly, Recovery girl took his hands into hers and started to remove the glass in his hands. He shrunk away but Izuku put an arm over his shoulders and held him. Something in him melted right then, he’d let the moment be nice. The resentment he harboured stayed he wanted to yell at them to fuck off slightly, but layed dormant in that moment. He needed a hug and if it be from Izuku Midoriya so be it. There’s people he hates more. He held them so close and he sat there and brunted the pain as Todoroki started talking gently about anything he could put his mind on. Their breathing became more and more even. He wasn’t a talkative guy but suddenly all he wanted to do was tell ka-them about how he’s seen more cats on site recently, and how he heard the codes to all the doors are going to be changed again this month, or how the taste of umami was underutilised with sweet dishes.

“But how? That would taste like shit.”
“I disagree, have you ever had sweet potato with soy sauce?”
“That sounds like ass, what?”
“Or with miso soup on the side in rice? Genuinely tastes amazing”
“Just because you were raised in guerrilla warfare doesn’t mean your taste buds needed to”

Recovery girl shot him a look.
Todoroki looked down contemplatively-in reality he was trying not to laugh. If the joke was funny enough he didn’t really care about digs at his home life, they were more digs at Endevor more than him anyways.
“Ow! Fine, fine- I’m sorry-“
His face was the opposite of sorry. Uraraka giggled from the other side of the room she sat by while guarding the door, arms crossed and knees pressed together.Deku had his eyes trained on him giving him mock offence.It felt weirdly domestic.
“Alright, almost done. Just need to wrap you up now.”
“Oh.”
The room was silenced by the sound of Recovery girl humming as she slowly wrapped up his arms. Uraraka head hit the the wall gently closing her eyes, as Todoroki played with the bottoms of his shoe, Deku put more weight onto the teens shoulders as his eyes were trained on recovery girls work.It was a soothing moment, in the pain of it all. Hard to ever forget.
“Okay! There we go, now then. K- You, you’re going to need to answer a few questions for me alright Dearie?”
They tensed up at that.
“It can be just me and you if you want sweetie, they don’t need to stay if you don’t want them to.”
All 3 of them looked at him with the softest looks they could muster up. It was okay no matter what he picked.
“I- uh…alone please.”
He looked down at himself.
“Okay! You stay safe kaachan.”Deku beamed at him, they didn’t feel weird about the name…I guess Deku just knew him like that.
“We will make ourselves sparse, we will be at the dorms if you need anything? Alright champ?”
“Don’t hesitate to tell us okay?” Uraraka added.
The kid nodded at them. At the end of the day they weren’t his friends at all, closer to enemies when it came to Deku. They weren’t his family. He barely even knew most of them. But in that moment they had given him something he needed, and that was greatly appreciated. Companionship. They all slowly shufffled out the room individually saying their goodbyes till it was just him and the aged woman.
“Well then… I think you know what this is about and how serious it is.”
He looked at the floor, admonished. Like all the anger and passion in him had been snuffed out.
“Sweetheart…it’s okay.”
He looked into her eyes.
“We did a medical scan while you were out and the results were concerning…”
“We found ulcers and scarring in your colon and on your groin. There were also mutiple signs of past abrasions to the mouth along with the dna of a woman on you… would you like to tell me who it is?”
“…”
“Katsuki-“
“Don’t CALL me that.”
“Okay, but Dear… I need to know, you understand this.”
He looked away
“I can’t help you if I don’t know sweetheart, and I am sworn to help you. If I’m not made aware we will need to take a lot more drastic measures tyen if we are made aware… please sweetheart.”
‘I don’t want to have to cut him off from the outside world but if we don’t know we will need to’

They had interpreted her words differently. In their mind if he didn’t tell…he would get kicked out. That hurt his small heart. He sat and thought for a few minutes.
“…”
“..”
“ it was my mother…she’s ill”
And like that everything he built came crashing down.

“Thank you so much for telling me.”

_

Aizawa kept on thinking of the words Nezu had told him.
~~~~~~~~*
“ that last warning you gave him. We gave him. That Midoriya gave him in all honesty…if the circumstances are correct and Chiyo was in right. We may have just saved him.”
“…”
“Isn’t it odd that something so passive to us can have such a great effect? You can leave now”
~~~~~~~~*
Their passivity should not be praised by him. It should be admonished and scrutinised by the entire the world no matter its oddness. No matter what, they did not save him.If he didn’t have half a mind he might go to the press just out of spite but Katsuki didn’t need that.

He knocked of Shizunes office door and waited. She opened the door and looked at the paperwork he had brought her
“Recovery girl says this is important, please do not lose it”
The woman nodded, and made a few official copy’s, putting the original in Katsuki file and reading the contents.
“This is very intense Aizawa? Are you sure this is correct?”
“Yes shizune, the machines calibration and blueprint form is also in there.”
“Perfect! Well then, whatever lawyer we assign to this case will have an easy day that’s for sure. Make sure to send me anymore evidence you gain, alright?”

“Alright” it was both comforting and horrible to hear, but Shizune always spoke like that.

He left the room…Nezu.
Something wasn’t right about him.
Why would they be grateful for their lack of action,their passivity. Why did he emphasise that to him. He knew better than to let it slide with Nezu.. he’d keep an eye on him.

Wc:1535

Chapter Text

Mitsuki sat alone in her room. The lights were off, as the morning light filtered through her seer curtains. She sat by a desk, looking firmly forward.
Katsuki had always ruined her life.
Mitsuki was a fashion designer before all of this.
And she was good, Katsuki had seen her spreads and watch recording of her shows when he was 7 and 8. Before it was all fucked up. Before she fucked it up. Masura. Before they subsisted on his parents wills. Katsuki didn’t know all of it, there being no time to ask after dad was gone, but he knew that she had ran away from home young. Around 15-16. He knew the world wasn’t kind to her and it wasn’t pleasant to make it to that point in the fashion world. What you do to get a leg up. It was gross. He looked at her medical files once and the perscribed mifepristone and misoprostol were not a shock. She had cried when he found out.
She worked and worked and worked in that shitty job. And she truly loved it.
Then she met Masura and they had everything. They had each other. They leaned on each other like fallen pillars, brought together by misfortune.
Masura was never enough for the world it seemed. His salaryman job was stable but never enough and she remembered his bosses always seeming angry at him. So did Katsuki. This part of his childhood was always razor sharp in his mind.

The pregnancy wasn’t peaceful. He wasn’t planned but taken on, be it as a blessing or curse. The morning sickness was intense, and so was everything about pregnancy. She got leave. She stayed at home all day. She didn’t have her mother there. She was all alone. They worked so hard for this. She wanted her mother there to pose her positions.

And then she gave birth. 48 hours. She was ripped front to back, severely. They gave her something for the pain. Opiate. Her mother was loved her cigarettes, even now she hated the smell and taste of them.But this was different. This was prescribed. She needed them.

She was laid off after she had him. Passing him out of her had disabled her to her employer. She was high, could hardly lift a pencil, and would freak out at the slightest touch.
She got no severance pay.

But Katsuki cried and the whole world shone a bit brighter.
He was now her work. He was her show.He was the baby she tried so hard to not fail. He was now her artpiece.

And here he was, ruining it again.

And her heart still throbbed thinking of her small baby.

She sat by her desk. Her eyes were dilated and her hair messy. It stank, clung to her skin. She was scratching the desks skin, making grooves in its body.

She had never been well. Neither had Masura.
She remembers the small flat she had lived in with her mother. She remembers the burning incense always at the front door. She remembers the smoke always being there.
How the smoke would call her beautiful and warm her of the fire.
Her mother would put her into pageantry.
She never liked the shows. The training, the dieting, the creeps. But they loved her, so she came back.
She remembered the praise.

And it was love.

One day her mother wanted her to preform for her friends. “Family matters” as she always said. They venerated her on the stage, told her to move perfectly. When to dance,when to pose, when to hold, when to laugh, when to touch her arms, when to cradle herself, when to strip, when to touch.

She was there between herself and loved and praised.

As she got older she realised she needed to leave. She wasn’t stupid she knew it was wrong. But recently it felt like everything that was real was is far behind her, and nothing makes sense. That it only took something on her tongue or in her stomach for her to fully sever herself from living. She’d never smoke though.
So she ran away.

She was only attracted physically to Masura when they met.
She had gone to a bar late at night and started talking to this timid guy in the corner. Her usual game of cat and mouse. She bought him drinks, they bounced off each other. And in his drunkenness he found new passion. They danced. It was blurry. He was in bed with her. He held his arms around her. No one had ever done that. He made breakfast for her and asked if she wanted to see him again. She’d be stupid to decline.

Katsuki is that last piece of him she has.And that’s all he is. Her son, and her late husband. She can’t believe he’s a person or else she will need to see him as a threat. A threat to her toy house.

The two conflict when she sees his face, and she wants to puke. It’s like she’s in that room again, surrounded by the middle age and she sees herself on the stage, but it’s not her it’s her son. And then it’s the first night she sees her future husband and all she wants is his arms around her. And the second they hold her she can smell the smoke that comes off Katsuki hands and she realises she’s evil. She’s sick. She’s no mother, just playing badly on stage.
And she breaks down again.
Her child doesn’t deserve her.

She scratching in the desk stops as the looks forward again.
She really should leave.

—-

“My mother is ill”

He repeated it. He needed to make that so clear. To recovery girl. To himself. To any sick perverted God who made his mother the way she was. Demented.

“How so?”
It was hard. To explain. To get her to fully grasp what he lived with. He couldn’t peel his heart out for her and tell everything, his tongue was too heavy. But he needed to. To grit through it all. The cat has left the bag and all that’s left is to try and pick up the loose ends. He would be calm.

She was being careful with her words. She wanted so badly that clear picture. She needs to help this boy. This kid wrapped up in himself. She needs to find out those details. For his sake. Or else who knows who and what he will become and do to himself and others. No kid deserves this.

“…”
“…”
“She’s just…ill. Always has been.”

“For how long?”
“Before I was born…”
The silence was thick.
“…”
“Like um, it’s funny y’know. Like, my entire life she’s been sick..somewhat physically but mostly just in the head…and that’s just what it is.”
His throat was tight. Telling others was jarring, and scary. He felt incorrect. Like he had said the wrong line he had practiced for months. ‘My mom is just super strict.’ Or ‘she just has a lot on her plate right now’
“That sounds like a lot for a family to bear”
‘Alot for a child to bear’ flittered through her mind. Gone as soon as it was there.

“Dad always knew what to do with her. I uhh- miss him, so so bad. My chest feels bad and stuck when I think about him and mom and me and what would have been…well alright .”
He hated how transparent it all was to this small high school nurse. Highly accomplished, but still a high school nurse. Still a member of staff.

It was even more than she thought. Only Katsuki and his abuser. All alone. No doors or windows for others to look through and criticise what they lived in.

He needed to tell her. Maybe she could get the help she’s needed. She’s needed it for so long. For longer than he’s been alive. It’s no surprise to him that she’s like this. Nothing surprises him anymore.
“Mom, she isn’t well. She can’t tell what’s happening, atleast not really…she doesn’t know what she’s doing until it’s too late and we both suffer that. She looks lucid, and bipolar and mean, but she’s just not there. I know when she’s there”

What did she say to that? Coping, blame shifting, changing the narrative. It needed to be addressed.
“Child, you should face that burden. You shouldn’t have been her carer to begin with and she’s taken advantage of that. Even if it’s the worst side of her, it’s still her and it’s still unacceptable. You are putting this onto her”

His breath caught in his mouth.
“You don’t Get It.” Something dark flared inside him.
“You don’t understand what she is and here you are, judging us…”

“Katsuki I can promise you there’s no ju-“
“Don’t call me that!”
He turned his body and head to the side. No matter how vulnerable he was she wouldn’t get it. She couldn’t.

“I might not get it, but I’ve seen it before. The hurt trying to hurt others. It’s our jobs as hero’s. But Katsuki, their hurt doesn’t make their fists softer.”

He felt small.

“I can’t blame you at all. There’s no world where you are at fault for this. I also can’t put all the guilt of the world on your mother, though her actions reprehensible. Your mother needed help and wasn’t given it. She then drowned. She should have been given it.”

“Then give her it now atleast.”

She sat with that…
“I’ll mention it on the file.”

Silence.

“I want to go now.”

Recovery girl nodded. She should probably wrap this up, for the patient and herself.
“Just answer these few questions for me and then we can probably get you back in your dorm by tonight… how often did Mitsuki Bakugou, your parent and guardian sexually assault you.”

He closed his eyes. Just for her stupid file. For his Mom. The kind one who would play hero’s with him, or make dinner with him. For the kind mother Mitsuki could have been if not for the evil neglect.
It was hard though.
“I don’t have a clear answer and you know it”
“Are you saying you lost count.”
“Are you saying I’m stupid or something?”
“No, I’m not. Are you saying you lost count”
His pride wouldn’t help him now.
“…yes”

“For how many years did it span.”
“Age 11 till now.”

“Did this have adverse effects on you and your life.”
“Yes.”

“Okay then… we can leave, I’ll bring you lunch okay sweetpea?”
“Alright.” He huffed. Refused anything resembling eye contact.
It all felt heavier.

Word count:1781