Archive of Our Own ^beta

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I could've sworn that when I closed my eyes to sleep; I was lying down with my husband in our bed, in our room, in our palace, in Elfhame ruling over our kingdom. So, you could imagine my surprise when I opened my eyes, and I was in fact not in the palace but rather in Madoc’s estate. I looked around in the room I was in and realized I was in my old childhood (if you could call it a childhood) bedroom, everything is just how I left it. It was tidy and spacious; my clothes were all put away in my wardrobe and my books and school supplies were on my desk organized, my plush bed was made. Despite being in shock, I managed to put one foot in front of the other and I walked around my old room taking in everything, when I stopped in front of my mirror… I was different..not by much but my face looked younger, and my hair was longer, It wasn’t only my appearance that changed but my body as well. My mind jumped to a million questions; Why am I here? Where is Carden? Why do I look younger? What's going on? my head was going in circles, I had all these questions and no answers I was pulled out of my thoughts when I heard a loud bang and on instinct, I went to pull out Nightfell only to realize I didn’t have it, if I didn’t think I was having a panic attack before…I was definitely having one now.

The door to my room banged open and rushing in were my sisters, Taryn and Vivienne, and Tatterfell, an Imp that works for my father. “Hurry up Jude or we’ll be late for Prince Dain’s coronation, this time it will be fun, we’ll dance and everything” she says with a smile on her face, and I could only think about two things, first I have no idea what she’s talking about and second is how dare she smile at me, after everything she did to me. My face must show what I’m feeling because Taryn looks at me and asks if I’m alright and honestly, I’m not sure what I feel so I don't answer. Vivienne jumps in next “ orrrr Jude could go with me to the mortal world and not go to some boring coronation” Vivienne says while throwing an arm around my neck and pulled me in, I don’t say anything because I can’t the words have gone down my throat and are now choking me.

After what felt like hours of my sisters bickering to each other they finally leave my room, Tatterfell takes my long chestnut hair and brushes and braids it into what looks like horns. My dress is dark blue and white, it almost looks like the night sky, and it flows down my legs, which I’m thankful for because it helps hide my dagger that is strapped to my thigh. I would have preferred Nightfell but a dagger is better than nothing. And as I get ready to go to the coronation, I know what my problem is.

I went back in time… and I must play along.

To be continued…

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Sitting in the carriage on our way to the coronation I look around, seeing Oriana and Oak, Oak has food all over his face and hands but before he can wipe it on his clothes Oriana takes out a handkerchief that’s soaked in rose and mint water and whips him down while he’s fussing. I look at my much younger brother and can’t help but smile. He's grown so much in the future while living with Vivienne and her girlfriend. When I go back to my time, I’ll have to visit them but just as I was thinking that another thought came to mind, my stomach tightens, and it feels like I’m going to puke. what if I never go back? I try to push it down and stop myself from gagging. I take in more of my surroundings and I see Madoc and his famous red cap, that’s in front of his pocket. His own version of a messed-up medal and soon it’s going to be covered in the royal family's blood and despite that fact he looks calm and entirely comfortable, my stomach tightens again. Taryn’s sitting right beside me and Vivienne sitting on my other side, putting me in the middle. Taryn squeezes my hand hard, I want to pull away but if I’m honest with myself I need the comfort it brings me, because unlike them, I’m the only one in this carriage (well maybe Madoc too) that knows how this night is going to end..A bloodbath. I would like to say that I’m prepared but I’m not. I need to get out of this carriage now. “Pull over” I panicky yell, “Jude? What’s the meaning of thi-” Madoc questioned but before he could finish, I bang open the carriage doors and jump out before it could stop, and I lean over in the grass and hurling my breakfast onto the forest floor. I know I must look pathetic because I have tears streaming down my cheeks and I’m making awful sounds as my body shakes. I was dry heaving when I felt two pairs of hands on me, “Jude what’s wrong” Taryn frantically asked, she has a death grip on my arm, “Taryn would you let go of her, she’s not goanna run away, especially in this state” Vivienne tells Taryn as she rubs my back, and because Vivienne is a saint I can now feel my arm.

When everyone got back into the carriage, I could feel their eyes on me, and I put my hands over my eyes and leaned into my legs, so I didn't have to look at them. I’m ashamed and embarrassed that I was weak and couldn’t get over the panic feeling. “Why didn’t you tell us you were unwell” I look up and see Oriana looking at me with disappointment, rolling my eyes at her “I didn’t know I was going to be sick” I told her, she huffs and mumbles under her breath about me. I look at Madco trying to see how he feels but he doesn’t look at me, now I’m upset and lean my head back and close my eyes trying to rest before I have to deal with more bullshit. Taryn and Vivienne fix my hair, makeup and clothes; trying to put me back together. “Did you eat too many sweets, that sometimes happens to me?" Oak childlike asked me, with my eyes still closed “yes” I lied. It's an easy thing that I can do without having to explain all my thoughts and feelings. I managed to close my eyes and fall asleep.

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When I woke up in the carriage I’m immediately met with the window, I look outside and I see we’re about to go straight through the rock, I don’t even have time to brace for it. Once we go through it, we're met with the tall, beautiful palace….my home. I miss it so much, I wish to be back in my time where I would wake up next to Cardan in our bed, he would have his arms wrapped around my waist and his tail would wrap around my thighs. Before we would have to get up to do our royal duties we would talk or cuddle or..sometimes do other things. We would get dressed together or shower together and when we were done, we would go down into the dining room and have breakfast, I would drink tea and Cardan would usually have tea or sometimes wine. Afterwards we would go our own ways to do our jobs, unless that job required the both of us. I would sometimes go into his office and see him working on papers, I would wrap my arms around his chest and kiss him on his cheek. At the end of the day, we would undress and talk for hours or in our case bicker and banter about everything in our bed. I wonder if this Cardan will be like my Cardan, he’s probably not, considering how he was like in the past. Then I wonder if my Cardan also got put into the past. I know it’s selfish of me, but I hope he did, dealing with this would be a lot easier. Not having him here is hard..I want to cry..I don’t.

I’m pulled from my thoughts by a footman, who opens the carriage door. I’m the last to get out and when I do I see the courtyard, filled with music and voices and merriment. The courtyard is decorated with candles and lights and a whole lot of plants and trees. There were so many fae, mortals and royals, I recognized some of them by face, but I couldn't be bothered to remember their names or try to talk to them. Oriana has a little silver leash she attaches to Oak’s wrist. It reminds me about how mortal parents do the same for their hyperactive kids, maybe mortals and fae are not so different. Oak whines and sits in the dirt in protest, well so much for his clothes I think, Oriana had the same thought because she shakes her head and picks him up and sets him down on his feet while dusting him off. It’s so domestic that we look like a real family and not two orphan girls living with their parents' killer.

“Let’s have some fun” Vivienne yells right in my ear she then throws an arm around me and another around Taryn and sweeps us into the crowd. I hate crowds, I feel like I’m drowning, I hate not being able to see my surrounds at all times- Cardan once told me that I needed to..., “to put it into his words “chill out”” honest to God I didn’t even think he knew mortal words like that, he must have got it from Vivienne. I made him sleep alone that night, sense then he never said it again, I would let him say it to me a thousand times if it meant I could have him by my side. - and if I got attacked in the crowd there wouldn’t be much room to fight. As I move around in the crowd I pass one reveler in a goblin mask, he lifts it and winks at me... It’s the Roach. Oh yeah, the court of shadows, in this timeline I’m a part of them. I’m supposed to be one of Dain’s spies and gather information, I would be gathering information but not for Dain, No I would be gathering it for me, so maybe I can find my way back home and my way back to Cardan.
As I continued to push my way around, I stop on the edge of the dance floor watching all kinds of people dance and nothing seemed to be out of place until my eyes landed on the one person, I wanted to see the most..Cardan, he was as beautiful as I remember and my heart beats rapidly in my chest, I think I’m going to have another panic attack, I don’t. I kept looking at him and then our eyes met, there was a look of shock on his face, but it was gone and replaced with what looked like a scowl, but I know how he’s really feeling, and I feel the same way. Everything is going to be ok and for once I can believe it.

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I wanted to run to Cardan and kiss him and hold him close and protect him from his family, who I know are hurting him. I can’t, because not only will that give us away, but it can also put us in danger if someone found out were not from this timeline. So, I do the hardest thing I could do, I turn my back away from him. I see my sisters from afar and I start walking to them. When they see me, they drag me on the dance floor. One thing you should know about mortals when living in a fae world is that once we start dancing, we don’t stop..not until the music stops...and the music almost never stops. A fae can pull us away but they don’t, most of the time. Taryn and I have to rely on Vivienne to yank us free, so dancing with her is somewhat safe. I love my sister; I really do but sometimes she doesn’t remember to do so, and I’m stuck there just dancing until my whole-body hurts and I feel like I could drop dead. Me and my sisters clasp hands and join the circle dance, leaping and laughing and for once I’m happy to be here, that only lasted for a minute because as soon as the circle broke apart someone grabbed my hands, and we started dancing. “You are very beautiful,” he says. “Like a winter night”, I know that voice, I hoped I wouldn’t be running into him, but I was foolish to think such a thought. I look up and I’m met by Locke…Rage..I felt a passion of fury so hot it could burn down the whole forest. I wanted to take my dagger and plunge it into his heart. I don't. We continued to dance. I wish I could break free, but I can’t, or someone would pull me away, but they don’t, or the floor would open up and swallow me, but it doesn’t. Then Locke opens his mouth again “tell me, could you love me?” with a smirk... I can love, I love my parent’s murderer; I love my sisters even after what Taryn did to me; I love my brother even if we're not related; I love Cardan. So, no i don't love him but I do l love. I felt helpless, a feeling I don’t like to feel. I can’t believe I fell for him I think to myself and just before he can ask another question..”time to change partners” a voice says and it’s a voice I love so much. Locke looks behind him and meets Cardan, Cardan looks at Locke and then at me, he gives me a wink. Cardan’s lips turn into a smirk when he says, “you can’t keep her for yourself, that's greedy.” Locke looked like he was about to protest but before he could say anything Cardan grabbed my hands and swept us away.

As we were dancing, I pressed my body close to his. His body felt warm and safe, I closed my eyes and put my head on his shoulder. I know I’m not being careful, but I’ve been through a lot, and I just want to feel comfort and I do with him. I then feel his lips by my ear. “I was afraid that I would never see you again.” I look up into his onyx like eyes and I must be crying because he lifts a hand up to my cheeks and whips a tear. “Don’t cry, we’ll work this out like we always do.” and Honesty I wanted to cry more because here he is comforting me when I’m supposed to be the strong one and protect him and I tell him that, “ I’m the one that’s supposed to be saying that to you” I laugh a little even though nothing I said was funny and that got a chuckle out of him, “ oh my darling Jude, why must you think you have to carry the whole world on your shoulders'' he whispers. “Your family is going to be killed tonight” I whisper so no one can hear us, ignoring what he just said. I look at him to try and see what he’s feeling but all he’s doing is looking at me with love and admiration ‘I know” he whispers back. “I’ll protect you” I tell him, and I mean it, I’ll kill anyone who tries to hurt him. “I know” again he whispers, still looking at me with love. We continued to dance and I’m getting tired, but I wanted more time with him, so we don’t stop. Out of the corner of my eyes I saw my sisters looking at me with concern and it looks like Vivienne is about one second away from coming over here and dragging me away. “ Later tonight after the bloodbath that’s going to happen, sneak into my room from the window, I’ll unlock it for you” I tell him fast before my sister gets here, He laughs “ sneaking boys into your room, now, I see.” as he’s laughing I punch him, not hard “ I’ll be there” he tells me and then Vivenne takes my arms “ Sorry Cardan but I think she needs to sit down, she got sick earlier” Vivenne tells him, I wish she didn’t, Cardan raises an eyebrow, “ I’m fine now” I tell him, “ you could still get sick” Vivenne says as she’s dragging me away. When I’m back with Taryn, she looks me up and down with a guilty look, I look at her “What” I say, getting annoyed, ‘It’s nothing” she tells me. I sit down and think about what I should do next.

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I’m always planning, scheming, strategizing, calculating, manipulating. However you want to say it, I was it. I made sure that victory and power were on my side even through bloodshed. That’s how I became queen in the first place. So, you can’t really blame me for looking at everyone and everything as a pawn in my game, that’s what I’m doing now, looking at the people in this palace that are my allies and enemies, who here I could trust and who here I needed to crush. I made a list in my head of people I could potentially trust; Cardan, Vivenne, The Roach, The Bomb, The Ghost, and maybe Oak..ok so unfortunately not a lot of people but I can make it work..I wanted to add Taryn, but I can’t, and my heart hurts a little because of that. Now onto the next, very long list..people I need to watch out for; Balekin, Madco, Dain, Valerian and the list just goes on and on…maybe I need to be nicer to people. I’m still sitting in a chair far off in a corner when I come up with my plan. I will have Oak crown Cardan after his family is killed. I did it the first time…how hard could a second time be. I get pulled out of my scheming, when I heard a bang and a shout, and I know it's time. I jump out of my seat and try to run to the front by pushing my way through people and fae as I’m about to reach the front I was garb I turn around and start to swing on whoever it is, “calm down Jude it’s just me” Taryn laughs. I stop what I’m doing..where is the fighting and killing, everyone is dancing and having fun, I’m being paranoid. Taryn drags me to where my family are seated and sits me down beside her. I look around and see that one person is missing or should I say monster, “where is Madoc” I asked. Oriana lends in “he’s standing with the soon to be new king” she tells me. That’s what she thinks, but I kept that thought to myself. I look up at the front and see the royal family standing beside Dain, the crown was lifted up off a plush pillow and right before it could be placed on his head..Madoc went in for his sword…and I wasn’t being paranoid because Madoc swung at Dain’s neck..Chaos..everyone was running, yelling and crying. It was hard to fight my way through the crowd.
I wanted to get to Cardan and take him somewhere safe but as I got there, I saw Cardan on his knees with a sword over his neck, eyes met, and I saw a few tears on his cheek and his lips moved to say a silent goodbye and a last ‘I love you’. I became overwhelmed with grief, my body shaking, and my mind turned off…this is not how my planed went nor how it was supposed to go, I didn’t know what to do and that feeling was painful, the last time I felt that way was when my parents got murder and my sisters cried while being taken away. Cardan and I were supposed to be king and queen, Untouchable and live happily ever after but that was such a stupid thought because there was no fairy tale, and I was no princess that got her happy ending. Before I could think I jumped in front of the sword and put my hands up over Cardan’s head and neck, "WAIT” I scream but the sword comes down and slices my arm deeply. “Jude what’s the meaning of this, get out of the way and go home” I hear Madoc's voice, but I stand shocked and numb at my arm but even as I bleed, I’m just glad it wasn’t Cardan’s neck “Jude” I hear Cardan, but I have to think fast “if you kill Cardan, who’s going to crown you as king?” I looked up into Balekin eyes, I continued “you need a family member to crown you” ... I look around and see Dain’s headless body and the rest of the royal family, “everyone else is dead '' I don’t mention Oak. “This is nonsense” I heard Madoc say and then he’s lifting his sword up again but is stopped by Balekin’s raised hand “No, the mortal girl is right, Cardan will crown me”. Cardan lifts his head, and he has disgusted written all over his face. He's about to protest but I kick him where no one sees, and he groans in pain…sorry about that. There is no one left in the palace when Cardan lifts the crown and places it on Balekin’s head and crowns him. Cardan looks at me and I can tell he’s mad at me, I’m mad too but not for what I’ve done but because I’m going to have to rethink my plan. Elfhmae is quiet and dreary, I know it’s my fault because I’ve just doom us all.

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I'm so sorry for the long wait, life caught up to me and I lost the motivation to write for a little bit, but I still want to write and finish this story. so, stay tune for a new chapter. again, I'm sorry for the wait but please be patient with me while I try to find my footing on how I want the story to go and my writing style. :)

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It’s pouring down. I can hear a Thunderstorm booming across the night sky, like my rapid heartbeat, like the music and cheers of the fae because even though the royal family is dead, the fae love to celebrate. So, they will drink, they will dance, they will eat, they will laugh, they will play games, they will celebrate way into sunrise. I’m running to hide under a table, I’m a crowd. I’m hiding under the same table I hid under all those years ago. My arm is still bleeding, as I’m wrapping my arm with pieces of my torn-up dress. There is blood on my dress, lots of it. I thought I could not be shocked by death; it basically follows me. But seeing the royal family be killed a second time, horrified me. I cannot think. I cannot think. I cannot think. My mind was going a mile a minute, “Come on, Jude, think” I mutter under my breath. I have to THINK, I have to get Cardan and me out of here…Cardan. My beautiful, amazing husband, My wicked, trickster of a king. I need to find him and fast. I peek out from under the table. I push my way through the buzzing of the faes. I cannot see my family, I have mixed emotions about that, I just hope they are ok. As I’m looking around, I see Balekin on the throne. There is a line of faes on their knees begging and kissing his feet. He has a glass of wine in his hands and a wild and dangerous smile on his face. I feel sick to my stomach. I keep my head down low and blend in with the crowd, like I learned from the court of shadows. I’m trying to find my husband. The more I looked, the more I began to panic. This should not be happening; I need to stay focused if I want to stay alive but I’m so tired. I’m tired of fighting, I’m tired of being betrayed, I’m tired of always trying to keep myself together for the sake of others. At this moment all I wanted to do was lay down in my bed with Cardan as he wraps his arms around my stomach and his tail around my leg. All I want is to be safe and happy, I roll my eyes at that immature thought. What was I going to do if Cardan died, for all I know he could already be dead. I feel my heart shatter at that thought. I was running through the hallways, opening every door to find Cardan or anyone with a straight head on their shoulders. I opened a door to a library. It's a smaller one with a fireplace in the middle and tables and seating on the side. There are a lot of gold and red drapes hanging from the ceiling and vines growing on the side of the walls, the wooden floor is covered in dust. This room has not been used in a while. In my time, the room is completely different. There are lots of little paintings hanging on the walls, some of them appear to be moving. I walked to one of the little paintings, it's of a massive serpent and a knight. The knight has their sword up like they are ready to strike the serpent. Ironic, I think. I must've really been intrigued with this painting because I did not hear the footsteps behind me. I pulled out my sword and swung around, but it was too late. I saw a flash of green and then a shooting pain in my head, my vision is going blurry, and the room is going black. Fuck my life, I think. Can this night get any worse?