Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

What the hell had Dib signed up for? No really, why had he thought this would have been a good idea? Living in the forest like some crazed hobo was sounding better and better each day.

Fed up with his father's obsession to turn him into a carbon copy of himself.

Dib, while still in college decided to leave and never look back.

This was…not a good plan. The moment he left he realized that he did not have a place to stay and given his bad luck, it had started to rain. Soaking what little possessions he could take with him by hand.

Being the stubborn mule he was. There was no way he was going back inside after that nice yelling match.

So he sucked up all his pride and did the worst thing he could imagine. He asked zim for help.

Showing up at his base door soaked and asking to stay for a few days was the hardest thing he had ever done. Zim surprisingly let him in after a few choice words about Dib looking like a dirty water-filled rat.

"It's logged zim" Dib mumbled as he walked past the threshold of no return.

So Dib shouldn't have been surprised when Zim came to him and said "All alright human filth! Zim has allowed you to live in his beautiful base. Stinking it up with your human stench. So! You will allow the amazing zim to use your body for my amazing research".

Dib, who was in the middle of eating a pop tart, just stared at Zim in utter disbelief.

"...what?!".

"You heard me! Do you have earworms?!? In exchange for staying here zim gets to use your pathetic meat sack! It's that or you go back to sleeping on a bench in the park with the other dirty humans".

Dib, horrified, wanted to object but what choice did he have? None.

".....yah…but no eyes! And stay away from my junk".

Zim rolled his head in annoyance but agreed.

And that's how Dib found himself getting an irken egg??? Stuffed inside his body.

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Electronic log, dib's pov:

Day 1- I'm sore. Whatever drugs zim gave me to knock me out worked a bit too well. Is it sad that's the first real sleep I have had in years? Seems the insertion went well. Can't say how happy I am that it was something like a surgery and not some crazy organ that zim had to put the egg inside him. His face when I asked him about it was something. The cut on my side is healed perfectly, just a bit raw. Sometimes I forget how amazing irken tech is. Don't let Zim know, he already has a big enough head.

Day 5- the soreness around my side is gone. I'm able to stretch and move around more. During these past few days, zim would perform checkups each day, blood tests and the like. Glad I'm not scared of needles. He refuses to tell me what's on the screen so I have been practicing my irken. It's not the best right now given I always used Tak's ship to translate. But I won't give up. Had to take a few days off from college for "medical". Zim was ever so thankful to forge me a note, so thanks to him I suffered from irritable bowel problems. As embarrassing as that was. The teacher didn't prod any further, so I guess zim is a bit more clever than I give him credit for. Nothing much has happened. Same old tests each day, school, come home, do work, watch TV.

Day 13- been craving sweeter things lately. Never been a big fan of sweets so I know that this is the stupid eggs doing. After bugging zim and threatening to give gir a bottle of glitter he finally spilled what exactly he did to me. Apparently irkens before cloning had like…egg sacks the egg would stay in. So given I don't have one of those or any sort of equipment for an egg. He inserted one inside me. Which was concerning I'll admit. But he said it was like an appendix and wouldn't cause that much change…..I'm not sure I trust him.

day 15- I have been dreading this moment since I started living with zim; going back to school. During the fight with my dad, I had been on reading week. But now that was over I had to go back. I was even thinking of dropping out. Some of my classes had been picked by Membrane (I will be using that name from now on, he's no father to me) off my back. But I did enjoy a few of them, especially cryptozoology. Which membrane wasn't that happiest about but who cares! Zim for the most part doesn't seem to care though he makes sure to give me a sort of communicator that I'll never tell him is wickedly cool. I'll have to open it up at a later date. It looks like a raindrop. For now, it's school, I wonder if Membrane will tell them to kick me out. I wouldn't put it past him.

Day 16- So, okay, he did not kick me out of school. But he did stop funding me. Which I should have seen coming. That fucker also took out any sort of savings I had since it was "his money". I have 200 bucks to my name. Getting a part-time job is something I guess I'll have to do. Fun. School is fine, it's a break from zim. The sack? Hasn't done anything. Despite zim checking it each day it's just there. Gaz tried calling me. I didn't answer, she always takes membrane's side anyway. I'll just rest for now. Feeling a bit more tired than normal. I blame it on dealing with gir. You have to be on your toes with that bot around *the sound of insane yelling and the crashing of random things can be heard in the background*.

Day 22- BULLSHIT! I KNEW IT!! I KNEW THIS EGG SACK THING WOULD FUCK AROUND WITH MY BODY! THAT LAIR ZIM! *cough*. Alright, so you remember how I said I was craving sweets? Yah! Turns out that's a side effect! Now not only do I have to deal with the random honey cravings but I find myself eating sugar packets! Zim said the excess sugar won't harm me given it's all going to the egg. But fuck him if I believe that! Also, I'm so fucking tired all the time. Not like "I want to drop dead" just "Wow I could use a bit more sleep at night". It's making class a hassle. The things I do for free rent. Oh! The only good thing…I guess. Is that zim has money? I'm not sure where he gets it, or if it's legal. But it's real and as he says "I have no use for your stupid tree money, so you have it. Do you know how many filthy germs are on this!!". Got some new equipment, probably going to go out hunting soon.

Day 30- I've gotten sort of used to the cravings now. Like with the honey I just need to keep a few snacks on me so I don't go crazy. Eating a packet of gummies is a lot less crazy than sucking back a whole bottle of honey. The tests continue. I've finally gotten zim to hold off on the blood tests. My arm is going to look like an addict, plus it's sore. Bastard won't give me any painkillers. Oh! I finally dropped out of all those ridiculous science classes! With the money I got from zim, I can afford school and enjoy going to what I want. I'm sure they contacted Membrane but who cares. For all he knows I found a good paying job. I also keep bugging zim about an actual room that I can sleep in. The place he gave me is essentially the closest with a bed. He complains he's seen me sleep on the couch so this is more than enough. Jerk. Is it so much to ask that I don't wake up feeling like an old man?

Day 33- I got him to give me a bigger room. I made a few comments about how if humans don't have good sleep and resting environments their bodies could fail. So he freaked out and made me a room down below. Still can't access the labs though. The computer won't let me. And no matter how many times I try to hack into the system I'm booted back out. I haven't noticed much, though I think where the sack is it's a bit….harder. It's not hard as a rock but it's not soft. I guess that's something good.

Day 40- classes are a lot better now that I enjoy them, I'm not taking as many so I won't be as tired. I've had to carry snacks with me, lots of sugary stuff and drinks. The cravings get so bad during the afternoon. At least I can still eat honey. Most of the time I spend it in the living room or my room. Zim is becoming a bit of a hassle when it comes to wanting to go out for...anything. Telling me I'll kill myself by tripping or something. It would be nice if it wasn’t for the fact he only cares for the egg sack. Whatever, once it comes out this will all be over.

Day 50- threw up in the school bathroom. Told myself it was because I had that pizza for breakfast. But when it happened again after lunch with only having a drink I started to think it was more. I told zim and all that bastard told me “Ahh that’s normal, probably that morning illness or whatever you humans call it”. Morning sickness?? What the hell, this egg sack was only meant to see if the human body could grow/survive irken DNA. Zim gave me some medicine to help with the nausea and told me to stop whining. I threatened him with throwing up on the floor. Hearing his screeching was a small victory.

Day 60- Morning sickness is still a thing it's and because it's an off-and-on thing, It's not so bad. Zim says by day 100 we will end this stupid experiment. Fine by me. I'm already hating this. The only good thing is that I get to snoop around Zim's base. It's been hard to try and get into the lower levels but so far I've been able to sneak around the main two. From what I gathered the first floor is where Zim does his repairs, the second seems to be a sort of storage unit. So nothing interesting.

Day 70- ok so I've gained some weight and this…thing is starting to become a bit more noticeable. It also has shifted from its original area to my lower stomach. This is…concerning. I brought it up with zim who said it was fine but I can see he's even surprised. Another scan is done. Zim doesn't show me anything but makes a few noises and I can swear I hear him mumble “Well this is interesting”. Of course, I asked that bastard what the hell was up! He said it just shifted because of my organs. I know that's bullshit. And speaking of that…I've been having some stomach problems of late…nothing crazy. It might be all the sweets. My diet isn't the best right now.

Day 80- Membrane tried calling. Of course, he would. I'm not picking up, neither am I with Gaz. Fuck them. I'm having to wear baggy clothes to hide the bump. It's not…bad but it makes it look like I've gained a few pounds. Gir keeps trying to “feel the babies!” as he calls it. Had to say no, there are no babies in here. Just dead eggs, honestly I have no idea why Zim even wants to do this. More throwing up, the medication helps. My stomach seems to have settled. Also…Zim is acting…strange? Is that the best way I can say it? Sure he still yells at me and makes me go through all this testing but he's almost…caring? In a “I'm annoyed you're here but I'll help you”. He used to hate getting me things I asked for, but now he just does it with some grumbling. It's honestly super strange, he also checks in on me more and is very instant I stay in the house. It's gotten worse and yesterday I had to almost fight my way out to go to class. It's so strange because he flip-flops from being his normal Zim self to this weird almost kind version. I even mentioned it to him and he of course yelled at me “LIES!” (my best Zim impression). I asked the computer and it told me it wasn't sure either, this was new territory for information. Great.

Day 90- almost done. Ten more days my god! Zim says to get this sack out he'll have to cut it out…not the best option but he did say he could keep me away from the whole thing so I can see. That's not creepy! I mean when else will I have the chance to look at my insides!. Stayed home from school today, feeling too sick and I'm in the bathroom too much. I'm glad Zim made a bathroom for me. I had to ask the computer embarrassingly. Told me by examining my droppings as he put it (turns out the computer can see everything in this house and I'm not ok with that information). Told me that my body was trying to digest something foreign in My body. Some sort of substance is not being broken down properly. Great more things gone wrong. I feel like death and god this was not worth it. I'm sure the computer has told zim about its findings, so that's ..fun. I'm a bit worried though, not sure what Zim's plans are for me after. Luckily I did save some of the money. So maybe I'll just finish school and become a paranormal investigator. Get out of this town and make it big. Zim's also been…distant lately. Saying he needs time or something…I don't like it. It's strange not to have him around all the time, yelling or talking……what am I saying? I shouldn't care. Uggg this experiment is turning me into something. I can't wait for it to end.

Day 100- ……………..

Day 101-............

Day 102-

Day 103- I…don't think I can write.....stupid Zim…what the hell…am I going to do…(the sound of crying can be heard, sounds of coughing too. Then the sudden cut off of the audio log)

Day 104- (the audio log turns on but nothing is heard. Just breathing. It clicks off and on a few times before turning off)

Day 107- I owe…an explanation…but I'm....not…Zim is currently in the lab....he's also like me...I can't…I can't believe this…but I should have seen it coming…I have the worst luck don't I (the sound of laughing, though it's forced is heard from dib).

Day 110- I've finally…well no I haven't expected it! But I need to talk about it. So…on the 100th day, I was set to have the sack cut out. Simple as that. Get put on the table, Zim has his tools all ready to go. “Stop being a smeet, Zim has gotten my data and no! You can not have the sack! It's irken property!”. So I waited and waited to start. Zim had done a scan to see how it progressed, and how the eggs were and…..my life changed. The computer suddenly told zim and myself that extraction was impossible and highly risky. I remember thinking it was a joke. I asked Zim what was up and…his face was something I had never seen. Bewilderment. He yelled at the computer, asking him why he couldn't take it. All the time I think it's a joke. What the computer said next made my blood run cold. “unable to remove the sack because the egg sack is no longer there”. I laughed and told zim to take this thing out now. The computer once again said the egg sack was no longer there and when I asked what the hell that meant I was given the news of my life. “Egg sack unable to be taken out due to it fusing with what I assume is the female version of an egg sack…a womb. The egg sack has fused with said womb creating a viable involvement for the eggs, which had only been semi fertilized are now fully fertilized”.

So yeah…turns out I have a fucking womb! A womb!! And I have no idea why! I mean I'm sure I know who put it in there. That asshole membrane! I'm guessing this is some clone thing! Because I couldn't just be a regular clone of my dad, nope! He had to go and do shit like this. And I'll have no idea unless I ask him and I'm not doing that! And of course, I didn't want it! Zim put 7 eggs in that sack, 7!! I'm going to pop out 7 alien freaks! I can't...I (the sound of hyperventilating can be heard over the recording. This goes on for a bit before dib calms down). I couldn't record anything…I was. I spent a lot of time just in my room, in some way I think this is a joke. For now, Zim has locked himself in the lab to figure out how to get these things out of me. How the hell am I even supposed to get them out! I'm not…does this even mean I have a way to give birth to them...god, I need a shower.

Day 120- (dib sounds tired) I haven't been able to sleep well. Zim has barely been around, he comes in, takes blood, does a scan and then goes back to his lab. I haven't been to school in a while…but I have to go. The first two days were not…great. I was tired and sick and not able to focus fully. Being at school was better than being at home...hah! No wait. Not home, Zim's base. I hate to do this but…I need to call gaz. I need to get information on myself. How the hell did I not know I had...I can't believe this. I'm so tired and just want this to be over. It shouldn't be hard right? Just cut the stupid womb out and boom done! But it's more than that, and Zim won't tell me shit! So you know what! I'm going to head into the labs whether he likes it or not!

Day 125- so I was finally able to get into the labs. I was able to bribe gir with some food and he brought me down. The main labs look like a mess. Papers and tools all over screens with diagrams of myself and what looks to be irken organs??? It's all in irken and I can't tell. I find Zim at his computer typing up something. He almost stabbed me when I asked what was going on. After a yelling match, zim gave me the most wonderful news (the sarcasm is dripping from Dib's voice). Turns out that by taking the womb out it could straight up kill me, yup! Fun times. Turns out when irkens have smeets the eggs connect directly to the blood and squeedlyspooch making it fatal to take out. There isn't much information since irkens haven't had natural smeets in decades. So it's all a fun little mystery! So it's basically take them out and die, or keep them and see what happens. Just my luck.

Day 130- decided not to call Gaz yet. I'm sure she'll kill me and that's if I'm lucky. I convinced Zim to go to membrane labs and get my files. Which he did thankfully. When I told him I was a clone he seemed sort of…relieved? Telling me “At least you're slightly better than your horrible race”. Reading through my files was a bore and I decided not to ask Zim how he got them. Or watch the news about a massive nacho cheese explosion that happened in the labs. Sitting through all the garbage I finally found what I needed. Turns out membrane had no idea what gender he wanted me to be. So he gave me both parts and believed when one of the sexes developed more than the other, the other would just go away. Turns out that did not happen! And my father just straight up said “It shouldn't be a big deal. He won't use those parts”. I'm speechless but also…why the fuck not. I'm sure things will only get better from here. On the bright side, Zim is less…Zim like. So that's something

Day 140- the cravings have gotten worse. I'm eating like a horse at times. Zim got pissed I broke into his snack stash but it's his fault. I told him to get me more food or deal with it. I have to say I like this new Zim. Sure he yells and tugs me around but won't do anything. The computer believes zim has some sort of old irken instinct that's fighting with his Paks programming. Which is why he was giving me things but getting angry at me for it.

Day 150- I can't believe I'm doing this…because I am. I don't have a choice. I'm a lot bigger now. I look like I'm becoming pregnant! I realize that I can't go to school soon, I'm going to have a lot of stares and I'm not going to explain my own body or lie saying I'm trans. That's the last thing I need the news to hear. Speaking of that…I have you know…a tube the baby can come out of but no…hole. I told zim this in panic and he just said “Not my problem” to which I said, “Oh fuck yes it is because if they can't come out I'm not having an alien movie situation and you have to clean it up!”. Which prompted Zim to look up the movie and scream at the thought of the mess. A C-section is probably what will be needed. Which Zim is more than happy to do (creepily). I can’t believe I am looking up pregnancy symptoms. They do not sound pretty, already have throwing up, stomach problems, cravings and tiredness. Looks like it just gets worse from there with pains, swelling, mood swings and even bladder problems. Not sure about the last one but can’t wait for it.

Day 160- I am looking into doing the rest of my courses online. It won't be hard to forge some doctor's notes saying I was too ill to come in person. It’s getting more annoying to leave the bathroom every few minutes to barf. Also, zim is annoying in the “my god get away from me I need my space” kind of annoying. He has followed me to school! Yelling at me what I can’t eat/ almost killed me for eating a burger. Which was fine because my stomach already did that for me. Meat is now becoming a problem to eat, the eggs seem to reject certain foods. Which sucks because I could go for a burrito right now. I got zim to make me a bigger bathroom with a bigger shower. So I can just chill in it rather than stand all squished in it. Taking a warm shower helps calm me down, zim thinks it’s dumb but doesn’t say much about it. I asked zim about an ultrasound to see what the hell was in my stomach. I think zim is also not sure what to do. From what I learned irkens do not have natural births anymore. All smeets are made by cloning a massive pool of genes, then the Paks are added and information is uploaded. Something tells me if this is found out laying eggs will be the least of my problems.

Day 170- had the ultrasound and…wow they there are. Sure it is 7 of them and that’s too many, but they are there. It was surreal to see them just..in there. The eggs; from what zim has told me, are soft and jelly-like. Though he seemed a bit confused at how thin the egg lining looked. Turns out the reason I was having all those *couch* stomach problems was that my body was absorbing the egg lining. My body had no idea what it was and was trying to get rid of it, hence my problems. From this information, it seems that the smeets (babies) will not come out in eggs. Explaining to zim that mammals have live births was amusing. He looked horrified and refused to look it up, which I don't blame him, the health class was gross. But this brings another problem, can my body even deal with 7!! Freakin 'babies in me!

So it looks like I won't be that big. Smeets are very small when hatched out of their tubes. So it seems I won’t explode much to zim’s disappointment. Still, I can already feel a bit of pushing inside my body. I won’t lie and say I'm not curious how this will go. Yeah, I'm pissed, scared, confused and everything in between. But I am wondering what they will look like and if they will even survive. Because there is a good chance they won’t.

Day 175- to top this wonderful experience my shirts and clothes aren’t fitting right. It wasn’t a problem at first since I tended to wear larger sizes since I like the baggy style. Most of my shirts are tight around the stomach. Leading to them being hiked up. It’s annoying but not the worst thing. I’ll have to get zim to either make me a bigger size or I guess I’m ordering them online. Hopefully, the house is off the no-delivery list by now. Gir has a history with the mailman. Oh well, I have hoodies that I can wear for now.

Day 180- bigger again. I'm measuring how big I am becoming, it looks sort of like I have been eating at Bloaty's for a while. That reminds me…..I do need to talk to gaz. I have been putting it off for weeks now but I think I should tell her…maybe after this whole thing is done. I know she won’t let me live it down. School is fine, I'm working from home now, it wasn't hard for them to see I was sick with all my bathroom breaks. Zim seems happy I am around the house more. Once again he is acting strange. He will often bring soft material and put it on my bed for me to do what with??? I just put it all in the corner so he won’t dig it out of the trash. I’m having to take supplements for iron and calcium since the smeets are causing problems for my stomach. It sucks but eating bacon makes for not a fun few minutes. Zim keeps asking to see how large my stomach looks without clothing and fuck no! He already put something inside me and I am not stripping for him *dib sounds flustered*.

So it turns out the bringing me of soft materials was zim’s ancient irken instinct to make me a nest. I also learned that the asshole had been stealing my clothes since a few items were my shirts. Confronted him about it he of course yelled at me about it. Gir has also been a problem of late, trying to jump on his stomach or wanting to “see inside me”. Something tells me gir shouldn’t be around the smeets.

Day 190- I am not happy. I told zim when I was in my room to leave me alone! But no. I was taking a shower, just to relax. Well, this sneaky little bastard somehow snuck his way into my room. I was washing myself off when he opened the door and asked me something, I don’t remember. All I remember was getting really pissed off, embarrassed and panicked. I grabbed the nearest thing; which was a shampoo bottle, and whipped it at him. Got him right in the head, to which he yelled at me. That just pissed me off more so I ended up throwing a few more things at him, soap, a sponge, and a rubber duck I'm sure was Gir’s. That was enough to get zim out and I…..*dib coughs a bit and sounds embarrassed* may have cried a bit. I blame the smeets! It said mood swings! *dib yells a bit too loud and backs up from the recording device*. Anyways zim was not happy, he came in to check on me and got a nice goose egg on his head.

Day 193- my shirt ripped…like ripped down the back. Was trying to grab a tool I had dropped while working on my ghost radar. I am convinced zim has a few in-house either due to him or gir. Well, the back of my shirt ripped down the middle of my back. I heard the rip and thought it was my pants for a second. To make matters worse, zim who somehow has superhuman…alien? Hearing. Heard it and came out thinking I broke something. So cue laughing from him and me almost drop kicking zim. At least zim will now fabricate some clothes for me. He's been complaining that it’s a waste of time. So with the threat of walking around naked and getting germs all over he was more than happy to speed it up.

Day 200- my feet are swelling. This is normal but it doesn’t mean I like it. My feet are sore, my back is sore, everything is sore. I mostly stay off my feet and just go to class online or hang out in the living room. Zim has me go outside to get sun because humans are weak and fragile and can die from not getting sun. Despite it being sunny I wore a long hoodie to cover up my stomach as best I could. Sure zim’s neighbours are as smart as rocks but I won’t chance it. This ended up with zim almost mauling a guy who had just called out to say hi. It turns out irkens get very very very territorial over their eggs. Zim had already been crazy about his stuff so I was surprised he didn’t kill the guy (I guess getting your face taken off is better). I had to drag zim back inside. The guy ended up not remembering what happened and thought it was a dog so that’s good. Being around zim so much has been interesting, I get to learn more about him and irken kind. For one I am pretty sure his leaders are dead or have cut him off. I have seen him trying to contact the massive or irk a few times with no success. Either it said no signal or blocked. I felt a bit empathetic for Zim, knowing what it is like to want to please people who will never look at you. I also learnt that Zim liked arts, like painting and drawing. I remembered seeing some of the drawings Zim made as a kid.

I ended up buying zim some painting stuff. I don’t know why. I shouldn’t care but I did anyway. It came in the mail and I had to make sure gir didn’t eat it. Zim said I was wasting my money and time but took it anyway. Later that week I saw a few paintings and it made me smile a bit. My relationship with zim is…strange. We aren’t enemies but we aren’t good friends…I'm not sure what to think.

Day 210- I am starving. Like…I could eat at Bloaty's Hungry. My stomach made noise each day and zim thought I was going to explode. I always feel hungry and I feel like my teeth might fall out with all the sugar. I made that joke and zim told me he could just give me new ones. That is a hard no.

They kicked! They kicked! Like…they moved!! I was lying down since once again my feet were killing me. Then all of a sudden I felt a kick! I froze, thinking it was just my imagination. Then another kick and oh my god I think I might have yelled a bit because zim came running into the room pak legs to kill something. I had to tell him that no, no one was trying to kill me. I told him about the smeets and he gave me a look. Turns out this isn’t a thing since smeets are in eggs. Of course, they stopped moving when I told zim. Like they know or something, that would be the irken side of them (hopefully).

I am not enjoying the kicking. It was cool at first but now...I can do without it. For whatever reason the smeets seem to only kick when I want to sleep, eat or just relax. On the bright side, Zim finally felt them. Mostly because we were on the couch and he had been semi-leaning on my stomach (he had become so much more touchy with me…I don’t hate it). A few of them kicked, causing me to make a noise that zim said sounded like I was dying. But he was amazed, seeing the foot? Hand? Moving. But that still doesn’t make me like it. Not to mention they are pushing on my insides and it’s just making my morning sickness worse.

My leg and feet pain are getting worse, and have gotten a bit bigger so the weight is not fun. Walking around makes me tired after a while and thanks to this stupid diet I am not the healthiest. I complained to zim one day in the labs...oh yes zim lets me hang around the labs now, mostly so I can be in his view. Zim said he would look into it. As for zim, he has been a lot more chill. I think he has finally stopped calling the massive, he seems…depressed. Found him just sitting in his chair one day when gir said the sad man is back. It took a good two hours to get zim back upstairs. We just…watched bad alien movies for a while. Zim seemed a bit better the upcoming day. He seems to be putting himself into this smeet thing.

Day 220- I have to pee….so so much. Like I had no idea a human could pee so much. Another ultrasound shows how big they are and...it’s a trip. I can see the arms, the legs, heck I even see some antennae! It’s hard to see all of them since they are so close. Which the computer said might be a problem but it seems for now it’s fine. Zim seems to be interested this time, looking over the screen multiple times. We talked about the C section more. I asked to be awake since I mean when can I get a chance like this? The computer chimed in with a nice comment about me being a freak but whatever. I asked zim about where the smeets would go after they came out since we can’t just plop them down on the table. Zim seems confused about this and I have never been more horrified to learn they just break the tubes and let the smeets fall to the ground. After telling zim if they are part human and that can kill them zim said he would make something to hold them. Speaking of irk, I asked about Paks. Zim straight up told me he doesn’t know, there is a chance they might not need it since they are part human. But if they need Paks…well zim told me there wasn’t much he could do. The building of Paks is something the control brains look over, plus there are pak technicians which zim is not. To say I had...feelings. I mean sure I didn’t want the smeets or eggs at first but..to learn that I went through all this for them to just not die. Zim tells me there isn’t much he can do, and even if he had a pak the empire would find out about them and probably kill them.

I want to die. I ended up having an accident today. It happened in the hallway. It was just a sneeze, a normal sneeze! Next thing I know I've wet myself. I couldn't stop it when it happened. It was like a waterfall and I could do nothing. I was mortified, to say the least, but it got worse. Of course, Zim had to come around the corner and see the aftermath. He yelled about being a gross human or something. It was his normal yelling but..it was uncalled for!! It was an accident! And he acted like I just decided to pee myself in the hall. I ran off, upset and pissed. Zim told me I had been in the shower for at least one hour when he finally came to find me. I yelled at him a lot and he got angry. I told him to leave before I came out and beat him black and blue.

It’s been two days since…the accident. I haven’t talked to zim at all and that’s fine with me. That asshole still hasn’t said anything to me and what the hell was I going to do?? I’m a bit scared to even go out now because…ugg it’s so stupid! The smeets have been kicking a lot more lately, it's hard to sleep and I have been in a lot of pain. *the sound of a door can be heard sliding open* “Dib human! Stop by your mooping and come out!! Zim will drag you out if I need to!”. *yelling from both zim and Dib can be heard. With things being thrown around*. “Asshole!!!! Get out!! You didn’t even” *the sound of Dib yelling is muffled as he leaves the room with zim*. *it’s quiet for a while until the sound of the door sliding close is heard and the sound of a chair creaking*. I have to leave…zim is...being hard

Zim did eventually say he was sorry. He was more pissed that he had to clean up. To be clear, I am not wearing an adult diaper! And it wasn’t my fault! Whatever, I'm getting too angry and that won’t help. I’m sort of glad to be out of the room and about. But it is getting harder to walk, almost tripping and killing myself when walking down the hall no thanks to gir. All these stupid toys are all over the place. Zim gave him an earful for it. Sort of wish I had one of those push wheelchairs hahaha.

Day 230- zim left...like left in his spaceship and off planet. I wanted to go with him but he told me no and locked me in the room until he left. Jerk. Whatever this gives me time to look around. I was able to get into the lower levels of the labs. What I saw was a shock. Seems zim was lying when he said he didn’t care about the problem with the Paks. There are schematics for building something that looks like a pak, a sort of life support system that would act like a pak but without all the “connecting to the empire” thing. At least that’s what I could make out. Seems he has been busy with that which makes sense given all the time he spent down here. I’m sort of upset since if these smeets are part human I should be working on this as well.

Zim came back. I confronted him about it. Of course, he wasn’t happy. I went around and touched his stuff with my stinky human fingers as he put it. However, I won't let him just push this away. After a while and a lot of asking and whatever instincts that have zim like this, I got what I wanted. I’m working with him on these sudo Paks. He went off-world to get parts and I think I will ask about where he got them later. I am sure I saw some stuff moving in the boxes.

Turns out zim isn’t such an asshole as I thought….he made a sort of wheelchair for me. It floats and can even go up and down so I can reach high places. God, my feet have never been more happy. They are so swollen I have to put ice on them. Gir tried to eat my feet saying they looked like strawberries. The chair is nice, really nice. It even has built-in warming and cooling. Zim says it's so the smeets can be healthy but it is nice. I can’t remember the last time I was given a gift just because. Working with zim can be a pain but it’s nice, I'm learning irken in my spare time and it’s almost comforting to just be beside zim. I blame the smeets for this change. I am still a bit salty. I couldn't go on the ship but given my size, it might not be the best thing around.

Day 240- soon...soon the smeets will be out and I can go back to my normal life *dib sounds a bit upset about that*. I look like a balloon now, like I had no idea a human could look this big. I feel like a whale, I probably look even worse. I ask zim and he just goes “All humans look horrible you are fine”. I know it annoys him and I shouldn't care but after the whole chair thing, I never wanted to be fat and unhealthy like that again. I’m worried I won't be able to lose all this weight after. The good news is that I can probably head to space after all this is done. Maybe leave Earth for good. I wonder if the smeets will even survive the birth…..oh god I am going to be having the smeets soon *the sound of heavy breathing starts to pick up the pace and Dib can be heard mumbling to himself until the audio is turned off*

Sorry, I had a…small panic attack. I needed to step back and take a breather. It’s a lot to think about. I...I’m not ready to be a parent yet here I am. My life is basically over, I can't go back to school and I have no idea what to do. I have no idea how to be a parent. Mine was barely anything! It’s not like we can just give them up either. So we are stuck with the smeets unless…well yah and I don’t want to think about it. On a side note, zim had to make the elevator bigger. Got stuck in the stupid doorway *suddenly zim can be heard laughing* “SHUT UP ZIM!! IT’S NOT FUNNY”. *cough* I got out with some help but it’s getting hard to get into the smaller areas. I just know I'm going to get stuck again.

Day 250- the moving and kicking is getting worse. Zim can feel it now and even see them now. I thought the morning sickness would end but it’s gotten worse. Zim keeps trash cans around the house now since I am throwing up often. I can’t even look at pickles, they make me want to vomit, the smell alone is enough to make me sick. I do crave cotton candy and cheese though and yes I have had some. It’s not as gross as it sounds. The computer says I have a few weeks left until they are ready. Zim is annoyed that it takes so long for them to be fully grown. Irken smeets in a cloning vat only take a month or two from what zim has told me. Then they are held in the tubes until they are needed, then cracked open. I guess that’s how they control the population.

God, it feels like I could be ready now. They are moving so much that it’s pressing on everything. No accidents thank god. But I have had to pee so much and I have barely any water! Zim gave me a few irken treats, and god are these sweet. I think if it wasn’t for the smeets in me my teeth would fall off. The smeets seem to like it since they have calmed down a bit. It doesn’t help that I feel so bloated and gross all the time. I asked zim again and he just said “Stop asking, you are fine!”. I think at times I ask him just to annoy him.

…..*zim can be heard laughing once more in the background as Dib can be heard sighing* so…I did…get stuck again. “Hahahahah”. *Dib groaned*. It wasn’t my fault! How the hell was I supposed to get the tool when you didn’t want to! You see, I can't bend down like this!... I ended up getting tangled up in some wires trying to get one of the tools. I…may have panicked a bit “A bit! Hahahah you flopped around like those... sea animals...fish! Yes a fish!”. You wouldn’t help me! So I ended up getting tangled up and pulling out some of the wires. *zim groaned* That's what you get! You should have helped me out! *ahem* Anyways we did another ultrasound and wow. They are bigger. I’m a bit worried about how bunched they are but zim says he can’t see anything wrong with the readings. The fake Paks are doing well. We added the use of pak legs and tools. It doesn’t look like zim’s at all. It’s not that egg shape...more flatter if that makes sense. Mostly it will have a life support system if needed. We aren't sure yet if irken and human DNA can fully mix. It seems ok since I mean…the eggs hatched but who knows. The back pain is bad though, sometimes I just lay on my side and do nothing. It looks like I'll be on break during the surgery time so I won't have to worry about recovering while in school. It’s almost Christmas will you believe that?? I never really cared for the holiday. Since Membrane was obsessed with Santa and he calls me insane. Gaz was always off doing her own thing so I never really cared. Most of the holidays I spend chasing zim around and we just end up back at his house relaxing…that’s something to think about.

Gir is going crazy for the Christmas decorations. I think he is more excited to eat them than to use them for decoration. Zim won’t allow gir to get anything with glitter so that is on my “ if zim pisses me off list” things to get. Gaz did call and this time I messaged back. Told her I was fine and I would explain it all later. She gave me a few choice texts but said she knew I was with zim and to “have fun with your boyfriend”. He’s not!... He's not my boyfriend. I swear everyone in high school was like that. I found out there was a bet going! If me and Zim would end up dating! Can you imagine that! I told Zim and that was how we got an early graduation since the school suddenly burnt down in a mystery fire. It’s funny but I am looking forward to the holidays. Maybe it’s because I have something to do? I’ll ask Zim to let me go out because I am going a bit stir-crazy inside and just walking in the holo chamber is not the same.

Day 260- so went out for a walk, or well a stroll in the chair. No way I can walk, I look like a whale. I had to dress up as a woman since it was easier to explain my stomach. That or look like a fat beer-guzzling man. The wig itches something bad but the hat does hide how fake it looks. Wearing a scarf to cover my mouth and it looks fine. Zim came with me of course and was growling at anyone who came by me. Got a bunch of congratulations and awws. Zim drank it all up, loving how people thought he was so great at pushing me around. Though Zim did slash that one girl tires since to her, ugly couples should be together. I laughed at that one. The walk was nice. It snowed but Zim wasn’t happy, saying it was still acid water but now frozen. I can’t lie there, the water quality has gotten worse over the years and membrane labs have done nothing. It seems I might have to fix that given the smeets. Some lights are up now and they have those fake Santa's on the side of the roads asking for money. Zim stays far away from them, it’s funny if Zim wasn’t pushing me around and can push me into traffic (he threatened me multiple times). It was nice at least to get some air, air is a bit better around winter. We passed one of those baby shops and Zim said I got all stupid and kept looking at clothes. I told him that it was fine because unless he wanted the smeets running around naked they needed clothes. This is where I learned that irken bodies look nothing like humans under the clothes. *dib coughs in embarrassment* I guess I'll learn that when they come out. We did buy some clothes in case, nothing crazy. I'm pretty sure Zim stole a baby blanket because it was soft and he wanted it.

I asked about a tree and I got a big fat no. makes sense, it would catch fire or something. Gaz texted once more to tell me Dad thinks I’m dead or missing because he can’t track me. Told her he can suck it. Even if I wanted to see him I couldn’t, he would cut me open so fast and make an excuse to what the hell was in me. Mutation he would say. Christmas also brings a lot of sweets and I have been eating them like crazy. Cookies too. I’m surprised I don't have any problems. The smeets are getting crazier, the pain sometimes cripples me, but they aren’t ready yet. Sometimes zim has to put me under thanks to the pain.

Day 270- the pain is bad..so so bad *dib can be heard groaning in pain as he pauses his log* I told zim I won’t be able to hold on for long…I'm just so tired. Christmas is close now “ouhgff” *dib makes a strange sound* ahhh. Sorry more kicking. These smeets are supposed to be out after Christmas but with the way it's going I don’t know…it feels like they could burst open at any moment. I’ll have to come off. I’m tired and need sleep. Zim visits often and I swear I have woken up to him in my bed a few times but he will never admit it

Day 271- ……….

Day 272- ……….

Day 273- YES IN THING ON! IT IS I!!! THE AMAZING ZIM!! THE DIB BEAST IS UNABLE TO CONTINUE THIS SILLY LOG. SO THE MIGHTY ZIM WILL HAVE TO TAKE OVER. The dib beast is currently resting as the smeets have…appeared much faster than we thought. Apparently dib’s water?? Broke which he told he didn’t know how it could happen. Zim only knew thanks to it GETTING ALL OVER THE PLACE!! ZIM WILL HAVE TO BURN THE BED NOW. took the human to the labs and whatever he tells you zim was not scared or nervous!!! DO NOT LISTEN TO THE HORRIBLE HUMAN!! HIS HEAD IS FULL OF LIES!!. Anyways, Zim was very calm and made his way to the labs with the human. He was screaming and making too much noise. Zim told him I could knock him out but he wanted to see his insides being taken out so fine. I made sure to drain him first, I am not going to have him soil the labs with his horrible human body functions. The computer gave him something for the pain which made him all funny, more than normal. Cutting open Dib’s large stomach was easy, it wasn’t as big as his horrible head. The sack was intact along with this...womb?? Dib wanted to cut it out but I was unable to because it was too risky. I had to cut it open. I was surprised to find the smeets were alive! but of course! They are zim after all. The strongest in the world. They are bigger than most smeets. I had to pull them out covered in horrible juices and blood candies. All the while dib kept asking questions or wanting to see them. I placed each one on a table and had the computer take care of cleaning them up. I am not touching the dib’s filthy fluids. The smeets are loud, human smeets cry like this so I am not happy this human trait came over. It seems some have fur...hair! Yes hair like the dib, but most are irken in nature so victory for zim!! The computer cleaned and wrapped them up. I had the computer feed them the formula me and Dib created for them. Dib was babbling like a fool the whole time, asking to hold them, to which I said no. The dib was a drooling baby over his insides, which isn’t that amazing. Zim has seen inside dib before. There was...a bit of a problem. I blame Dib’s stupid weak body!!! Who bleeds out from a simple extraction? Good thing zim carries a lot of Dib’s blood around hahah, I am a genius. Hooking dib up was easy, he was tired and falling asleep. However, the dib is now unable to take care of these crying smeets since he is recovering. Stupid dib

Day 274- the smeets are annoying but they are strong like any other irken. All they do is cry, eat, sleep and ugggg, pass waste. A useless human trait that is not needed!! Also, the Paks have worked!!! 6 out of 7 don’t need them but it is easier for them to have one. 7 seems to have been squished by the others. It is small and has a bent antenna, if it was on irk it would be terminated. The computer deals with the waste no matter how much it groans. I have to keep gir from eating them because I am not dealing with that!! Dib is still resting. Had to feed him a bit. Zim has to deal with everything. *the sound of crying and screaming can be heard. Along with a high-pitched wail*. Ugh, it seems the smeets and gir are awake. The dib better thank zim for all his hard work.

Day 275- the dib is finally awake!!! He is weak but awake! Now zim can leave the horrible smeets to him. It seems his body is a lot stronger than I thought. I brought the smeets over to the human as he was half awake. They had been crying again but stopped when I let them go near him. I am convinced the dib used his spooky powers on them. They made chirping noises and of course, dib’s brain can’t comprehend irken language. I had to grace him with my knowledge and tell him it was a sort of call for their hatcher. The dib passed out soon after but the smeets seemed to be fine and slept with him. I am not keeping the smeets in the same room to save my ears. Gir is not allowed to be with the smeets for reasons.

Day 275- *the sounds of fumbling with the audio recorder can be heard. Followed by a very tired and very soft-sounding dib*. It’s been ... .a ride ... .zim won’t let me take the tubes out until I can stand up and walk on my own. I barely remember the c section…but I did get to see my insides on the table and I’m pretty sure some irken flags that I need to talk to zim about. *cough*. Sorry a bit tired, I have been able to see the…smeets, babies I don’t know. They all survived. One of them seems to be the runt, with a broken antenna. This one seems to be really clingy…so another zim hahaha *cough*. The others seem fine, two have hair! I’m amazed they even can. They all look irken for the most part with only a few human traits, like five fingers and toes. The pak seems to be fine. Currently, they are sleeping beside me. Which is fine, I have no energy to deal with them. I also need to go back and listen to the logs zim made.

Day 276- I do not need to know why zim has massive amounts of my blood…actually, I do want to know. I also asked zim about gir and he said something about gir wanting to try out new recipes. Yeah, good call. Feeling better, and the sweet cravings are gone, I ate my first burger and it was beautiful. I cried. Then I threw it up because I guess my body still hates me. so just drinking and eating soft foods now. Zim told me the formula is working well. The smeets can drink it without problems which is good. Feeding them is a bit hard given they all want to eat at the same time. The computer helps at times but so does zim. He is making something to feed them all at once. My chest has also started to feel sore but I blame zim for chopping me up all happy-go-lucky. *the sound of babbling and chirping can be heard*. It seems they are awake and want food. They are loud, zim’s smeets of course.

Day 278- so……I....really don’t know how to explain this but…mammals produce milk, mostly female. Well, males can do this too with enough stimulation. Seems that having smeets was… stimulating. Yes…I am lactating. At this point, I am not surprised and I am not telling anyone! The computer found it funny and told me it would go away once the smeets were done with me. I do not look forward to nursing because it turns out smeets have teeth. I had Zim buy me a pump and I will not let him take samples! It had relieved some of the soreness and the smeets seem to like it more. Which makes it more of a problem. They now only want the milk and I can maybe give three of them milk. So I have to rotate. Pain in my ass. I think I'm still sort of numb to this all, I haven't freaked out yet but I know I will.

Day 280- the smeets are healthy. Sleeping right now. Zim is currently making a baby room to put them in since they can’t stay with me the whole time. I have no idea what the future will hold for us. Zim is making sure the water system is filtered since there is a good chance they can't handle the water. Not sure about food…a future me problem. Zim seems to have calmed down, it’s so strange to see him not as yelly. He also keeps giving me things or coming in to check on me. It’s nice. Watching him talk to the smeets about how they will become unstoppable death machines is amusing but also a bit worrying. I have been using the pump now, it helps with the pain. Seems the smeets will age like babies, zim told me the smeets are ready to go after they are hatched. Either way, it seems we can only keep going and see what the future holds. Oh! And I have decided to call Gaz. To tell her what is going on.

*the sound of a phone ringing can be heard. Soon a female voice is heard on the other end* “Wow, so you finally called. Thought zim killed you or made you into some sort of weird alien pet. So why call now? Dad thinks you have gone underground or something and won’t admit he can’t find you or you're dead. Also, I made your room into my game room. All your junk is in the shed”. Yes Gaz I love you too…actually can you bring the stuff over… it's been…there is something I need to tell you. “What? Zim marry you or you turn into a werewolf?”. *Suddenly crying and yelling can be heard in the background. With zim yelling*. DIB!! COME AND DEAL WITH THE SMEETS!! GIR HAS GOTTEN IN AND IS TRYING TO SEE IF HE CAN FIT THEM IN HIS HEAD!! THE COMPUTER WON’T CHANGE THEM AND I REFUSE TO DO SO!!! . “um so yah that is sort of what I wanted to tell you.. um turns out we have smeets…babies. It’s all zim’s fault!!! Sticking some random eggs in me without knowing what would happen!”. *only the sound of the smeets crying can be heard for a while*. “Gaz…umm you ok i need to. “Dib...what the actual fuc-!!”. *Gaz is cut off by the sudden yelling of zim who has burst into the room, screaming. Dib can be heard panicking and things dropping to the floor until the audio turns off*.

Chapter Text

Schoolhouse blues:

Trying to go to school while you had a bunch of small alien eggs/babies/smeets in your body wasn't a great combo. Aside from being bloated and tired, the cravings sucked. I always have to carry something to eat with me now.

Breaking out the bags of chips during study time is always fun when you get looks. But it's that or listen to the sound of my stomach trying to eat itself. God why does it sound so loud. I know humans shouldn't make those noises

Lunch is just as annoying. I have to find a private place now so I can stuff my face. It wasn't so bad at first, but as the days went on and I got bigger…I needed more. Before I had to leave school due to…well my “problems”. I ate a whole pizza alongside a tray of fries. God I feel gross.

I thought I would be used to being embarrassed or being humiliated but no, it seems the world isn't done with me yet.

During class, my stomach made the most…inhuman noise I have ever heard. Like a sink draining mixed with growl on top of thunder. I actually jumped out of my skin.

Of course I got looks and had to excuse myself. Saying it was food poisoning or something. It didn't help that the same sound happened again! While I was leaving at least. I'm going to kill Zim, looking back I swear those smeets were eating me from the inside.

Concentrating on work was almost impossible. Sure the first few weeks, heck even months were ok, but the closer and bigger I got the harder it got. The only good thing my fath-membrane did for me was stuff my brain with as much knowledge as possible. At least I kept up with my schooling thanks to that.

I was so tired all the goddamn time! I wanted to sleep or nap or just sit and do nothing. Zim kept saying to use the computer for my work but as amazing as irken tech is. I did not trust anything Zim had, not after all this.

Speaking of Zim, he kept yelling at me to come back to the base because “you don't need stupid worm baby education! It's below you!”. But without school I'm pretty sure I would have exploded from having to be in the base with Zim for so long. I dreaded the moment I had to leave school due to being too far along..

I had to wear the most uncomfortable hoodies now and it didn't help that the weather was getting warmer. But other than taking a few fat jokes here and there it seems to work.

At least the teachers are still the same in terms of caring. Like highschool they just don't care and leave me alone.

All I could do then was continue going to classes and such. I had to think of some excuse as to why I have to leave. Faking records was easy as heck, after playing around with alien tech for so long. Normal human online security was so easy.

I stayed mostly just to piss Zim off, sometimes staying late to get a rise out of him . He can't control everything.

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Cravings:

hungry….the amount of hunger I felt during this whole thing was insane. I don't think I have ever been more hungry in my life. When all this first started it was a slow start. Eating a bit more each day, heck I didn't even notice anything was different.

But as the days went on I just….I needed the sweets! Honey was always a problem. Back when I was living at home I kept telling membrane that no, I wasn't eating all that honey for attention and that I did indeed need the honey. But now I need more! Or at least something just as sweet.

Pop a few sugary snacks a day and I was fine. But during the end? I was downing anything with sugar. I'm not proud of it, but I once got the cravings so bad I broke into a bag of sugar….FUCKING SUGAR! And ate it!!!

Zim says it's because irkens mostly eat sugars and carbs. He did not appreciate that ant joke I made. The smeets were making me sugar crazy, they needed a lot more than my body could make. Hence the crazed sugar cravings

I was surprised my teeth hadn't fallen out through the whole thing. I brush of course!

I also craved….strange things during my term. Sugar was one, but I wanted anything with crabs. I once ate a brown sugar sandwich….it was a lot better than it sounds. Also ate fried butter, which I learnt is a normal thing at fairs, good old humanity.

Other things include, pickles wrapped in fruit roll-ups, cucumbers dipped in honey, cereal but I used poop cola as the milk, melted marshmallows mixed with chips and blueberries. I think the worst part is that Zim thinks it's all “very normal combinations that humans are to stupid to be aware of”.

I couldn't help but worry that I might turn into an irken one morning and have a pak on my back. So I made sure to keep Zim away when I slept.

Aside from cravings, I couldn't eat meat…or well I could but it caused problems. At the start nothing really happened, I could eat a good bacon sandwich with ease. However after a few weeks my stomach started to become upset. Nothing major, just a small twinge of pain. However it got worse!

Turns out, yup! The smeets doing. Being irken, half irken? They can't handle meat. Which means for the whole term I couldn't eat meat. I would throw up and get sick even by smelling meat! So no meat for me. Which turned out to be harder than I thought.

This whole town is meat crazed, they put it in everything, I mean yah that maple bacon milkshakes are amazing but what sucked even more was that I couldn't even eat salads! All the salads have some form of meat in it. I swear this city.

Thankfully after the smeets were taken out and I had some time to recover I was able to eat meat again. Zim wasn't too happy but I didn't care, I stuffed myself with as much bacon as I physically could.

At least Zim wasn't as stingy with the food I could eat. He kept an ample supply in the house, all gir secure. At least that was the one thing I got to bug him about. I could eat out the whole stash in two days, yell and he's out the door getting more. No yelling or complaining (at least not a lot), so you bet I milked that as much as possible. It's his fault anyways.

Irken food isn't bad. It's still too sweet to my liking but Zim insisted that it was important so I don't die from the smeets taking too much from me. I was very happy when this was all over. I mean when the stuff gir cooks starts to smell and look delicious I knew I had a problem.

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Clothes:

I'll never tell Zim, but I'm glad he can “procure” money somehow, because I needed a whole new wardrobe when this whole thing started to roll. And by roll I mean fucking landslide with boulders going down a mountain and crashing into a village.

First two months were fine. Gained more weight so some of my pants were a bit tight and uncomfortable. But it wasn't something that couldn't be handled. Just no skinny jeans. Gaz would be proud I'm changing my fashion instead of looking like, as she puts it “reject hot topic”

However problems started to accrue after that 2 month mark. With a stomach becoming rounder like the world's slowest beach ball inflating it was a matter of time before I needed all new clothes.

I shouldn't have been surprised when my shorts stopped fitting right, even though I wear a size up. So I went with the cheapest option at first, Hoodies. Just slap that over whatever I'm wearing and I'm good to go. Sure it was absolutely sweltering when the Temperature went up, but it was the best I could think of at the time.

However as I got bigger a hoodie just wasn't going to cut it. Especially because according to zim, I looked like a drowned rat when I came home on hotter days. This was also around the time I had to stop going to school since I couldn't hide the weight anymore or blame it on “American snakes”. So I had to suck it up and ask Zim for some clothes.

Surprisingly he was ok with getting me some stuff. Mostly online shopping using girs accounts (why the hell gir has so many accounts I don't want to know).

Much like I thought they don't really make maternity clothing for men. So a lot and I mean a lot of dresses, girly shirts and really stretchy women's underwear (why the hell did Zim even buy me that!?!) were my only options. Out of all the stuff Zim ordered I was able to wear a few of them comfortably. Because no way in hell was I walking around in a pink frilly moomoo even if zim thinks it's “not a big deal on irk”

Thank god for maternity pants, most of them are pretty unisex so not much problems there. I hate to admit it, but long flowing shirts are nice when I don't feel in a pants mood. Easy to get around and less constricting. Just need to make sure gir doesn't grab on to them and play jungle gym.

Aside from ripping my shirt that one time, I did in fact have a pants accident. I thought it was fine to put on a pair of jeans. I wasn't super big at the time. So you know, It would be fine? Nope. Split the whole thing crotch first. At least I was at hom-i mean the base when it happened. So I could change. Never telling Zim about that one.

One thing I wouldn't compromise was my coat. Sorry not going to give that one up. Zim was surprisingly….ok with that. More so I was shocked when I came back from school to find that he had a bigger one for me. Had the computer make a replica for me.

Same for when I become a lot bigger. Sure I didn't use it often since I didn't go out as much. But when I did or when I wanted to feel like myself. It was nice to wear it. I guess zim was right in a way, it's my uniform of sorts.

Speaking of clothes. The smeets would need some. Zim said that uniforms were normally given after the first cycle of life. So he was very surprised when I said that if the smeets are human they will definitely need clothes. Of course he started on his rant of “humans are so weak dying from stupid things like cold”. But he didn't disagree.

It was….weird going shopping for baby clothes. I mostly stuck with unisex stuff because god knows irken sex and genders. Zim was actually happy to pick stuff out when we went. Around 6 months I think? Only reason he let me go shopping.

I thought we bought way too much but whatever, not my money. It was strange but strange good? But also just….they were coming. I couldn't pretend or even just forget. I kept looking at the small socks in my hand. I think I had a panic attack because I don't remember leaving the store. We did buy the stuff…I hope we bought it. But I was just overwhelmed.

I needed a shower to calm myself down after that. Thankfully Zim now knows not to just barge in now. Unless he wants another soap bottle to the head. I'm just overall tired.

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Bathroom and sleep:

Now I know why so many people complain about missing naps. What I wouldn't have killed for a good night's sleep during all this. Especially one that doesn't involve drugs (Zim wouldn't even let me touch coffee so I knew that was out of the question) Or weird alien machines.

If it wasn't my back absolutely killing me, it was my muscles feeling as if they had run a marathon. Which made it impossible to sleep properly. I even got that strange looking pillow you're supposed to put between your legs and what not. It worked….for a bit.

Once I had become bigger it was almost impossible to use, since I had to always sleep on my back. Which didn't help the back problems. So of course I rarely slept. I mean sure my sleep schedule was ass before, but at least I could sleep comfortably!

So I ended up passing out around the base at random times. Trying to watch something on tv? Pass out. Want to sit at the table and eat something? Pass out. Literally standing in the elevator going down to the lower levels? Fucking pass out! While standing!

Zim thinks it's funny, yah funny until I fall face first into the floor. So half the time I was either sleeping during the day or staying up until I passed out. Zim was no help of course. He's irken and they don't sleep like humans do. So trying to explain it to him is like talking to a brick wall or worse.

He ended up making this machine that basically turns my brain off, he won't tell me anything more. It's been useful, but I really want to know if by turn off, he means Actually turn off.

When I did fall asleep that's when the kicking begane. This started to happened closer to the due date. It wasn't super bad at first. Just small little pokes. But holy crap around the last two months was it horrible. Turns out irkens have claws and they can and will use them. The computer said it was rather luckily they decided not to flex their claws more or I might have become a scratching post from the inside.

This also means their kicking was extra painful so of course I woke up in cold sweat when it happened. Smeets are usually eggs that stay eggs, but thanks to human genes they hatch inside me and boom, alive and moving around smeets. I wasn't really paying much attention to Zim when he was talking about it. I still want to rip that pak off him even after this is all over.

The only thing that seemed to calm them down were showers. Which funny enough, is how I got some alone time. I think it was the water or the feeling of it, but it seems to calm the kicking down. So much so I had put a bath mat with a pillow in the tub to just relax and or fall asleep on.

Zim was complaining that I showered too much, which was funny because he's always complaining that I smell and I'm covered in germs. I'm sure he's just pissed off it's the one place I won't let him go. It's like my only comfort zone in the whole base. Thanks to Zim's weird alien tech I didn't really have to worry about the heat running.

The shower is the one place I could think and get some Peace and quiet. It's been like that since I was a kid. Often just hide in the bathrooms at school or head home and sit in the tub after a hard day or cryptid hunting.

At least Zim made the bathroom comfortable (after telling Zim that no, a toilet and shower head isn't fine). Zim apparently said he was working on something to do with the bathroom? Not sure what that's about. It wasn't finished when the smeets came so I'm not sure what he had in mind.

Won't lie, I've had a few breakdowns in the shower during the whole thing. Mostly at the start of this whole process and during the end. Can't feel your tears if you're covered in water. It's a small room but I've made it work and it's served me well.

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Gaz and Zim:

So being stuck in the base for almost a year makes one too crazy. Especially when you're not allowed to touch all the cool alien tech and go into cool locked rooms. So what else is there to do but try and sneak into those rooms and touch all the stuff I'm not supposed to.

And that's how I found out about Zim's plan. Aka Zim’s plan on packing up and leaving me to deal with the literal life growing inside me. Zim was really going to ghost me and go out for milk, but in space.

I had found the log when I had successfully hacked (I bribed gir with nachos for the password) into Zim's smaller computer. The personal one he uses for logs and such. Found a recording of him going on about how it might be best to dip.

To say I was pissed would be an understatement. It took every fiber of my being not to go find him and kill him with my bare hands. But I decided to Listen to the rest of the log because I'm pretty sure if I didn't, yah I would have.

It was surreal listening to it because Zim actually sounded…panicked? I rarely if ever hear or see Zim like that. Hearing him talk about not being able to understand what to do next and having no idea was a bit amusing. Also looking back now, I guess he did care in some ways, he actual stated that it he wasn't around I might go off the deep end. In his own words of course.

Seems as if he also searched the irken database as much as he could to find any information on smeets. But I guess it wasn't enough since most of the stuff that's been happening he's been writing down, and I've been logging. It puts into perspective why he freaked out all the time. this was really a “try or die” thing, it's all new ground with no experience. At first I thought it was him just wanting the smeets, the experiments to survive. So it was sort of nice to know that he cared enough about my health.

And speaking of my health, telling gaz about all this was definitely the biggest strain to my health. She knew I was staying with zim but she didn't know why Zim let me stay and what I had agreed to.

I'm pretty sure she might have filled her laugh quota for the whole year because god I have never seen her laugh so much In my life when we finally met up. I don't see what was so funny but whatever. She was far more open to all this and did ask if zim was making sure I wasn't dying. Zim definitely became a bit more attentive after their talk. About what? I don't know and probably don't want to know.

We chatted on and off. I never told her, but I was so grateful to talk to another human being that could keep up a conversation. Especially when going to school became a problem. She would visit at times, bringing food and such. I only got angry when she brought up membrane, asking if he knew what was happening and if I was going to talk to him.

I yelled at her and got a bit emotional, told her about what I found on my files and promptly kicked her out. I was surprised when I saw her again that she didn't staple my mouth shut. Saying “I'll forgive you this one time because it's clear those alien babies are making you more crazy than you already are”.

What did come as a shock was how supportive she was with the smeets. telling me she was surprised they came out looking so cute and not a horrid mess given it was me and Zim's DNA. Even brought some gifts like clothes and chew toys too since I told her about the smeets teething.

I'll never tell her this because I don't know how to say it to her face and I honestly don't know how she would react. But I'm glad she's around and that I at least have one human on my side. I don't think I'll tell membrane, god knows he'll want to cut me open or them or worse! For all he knows I died or crawled under a bridge. Gaz is making sure he doesn't know any of this.

Gaz has offered to babysit though only the “good ones” as she puts it. The ones that somehow didn't inherit any personality from me or Zim as she puts it. So I get stuck with the ones who love to use me as a scratching post or cat tree. I can't complain, less work is less work.

I'm just glad she's around more. I think we have become closer through this which is sad but also nice. I'm just glad she's around, but don't let her catch me saying that or I won't hear the end of it.

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Stuck:

I'm not going to talk about this much but….yes I did get stuck a few times.

I wasn't about to yell for help each time I dropped something. I wasn't that pathetic. So of course I would grab the things myself. Which led to some….not so good places.

I got stuck behind a desk once. Dropped a tool and thought I could swat it out with my hand. I ended up tipping thanks to being a bit more heavy than I thought. Luckily I didn't fall on my face but I managed to wedge myself between the desk and the back.

I did not enjoy having to get Zim to get me out, or hear about it for the next few weeks when Zim would randomly bring it up. I'm very tempted to give gir a bottle of syrup and let him run wild in the labs.

Another time was wires and it wasn't my fault! Zim and or gir left the stupid things all over! I could have gotten hurt! I was like a month away from popping and got caught up in them. I was heading towards one of the holo rooms for a little bit of her away. When I walked into the wires.

They wrapped around my legs and of course I calmly and not freaking out tried to get them off. But there was a lot and I found myself getting tangled as I kept finding more wires. This time I did have to call Zim given how tight the wires had gotten. Needless to say, Zim made sure I got a few extra treats as a sorry, so I know that he left those stupid things around.

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Smeets:

It's been five months since the smeets were born and it's been a ride. Not a fun one just a ride, because god it's been a ride.

The first few weeks were actually fine, I was in and out since the surgery so I have no idea what happened. Zim of course made sure I knew with his complaining. The smeets are always crying, always hungry, needing to be changed. Oh he made sure to let me know about the changing.

“Irken smeets would never do such…. disgusting things! Once the pak is attached there is no need for food or sleep. We can do days without resting, and no crying! We would be punished!”

So of course I asked if he was going to punish the smeets as he called it. I got a mumble in return and “their human part couldn't handle it” and went off. If I remember, Zim was always partial to smaller things. Like gir or that meat baby back in middle school.

After I recovered I could actually handle them and deal with them. They…have a lot of energy, like a lot. With 7 I'm not surprised. The only one that seems to be calm is the runt, the one with the twisted antenna. The pak for that one acts much like Zim's, a life support system. The others don't need It, but it's easier for them to have one. I joked about myself getting a pak to Zim and he of course laughed, saying I wouldn't survive. He acted weird about that. Whatever.

The smeets like to climb all over me. Their claws of course are a problem. Aside from the massive blood loss I had during the surgery thanks to them scratching up my insides. They also love to Shred my clothes. Zim thinks it's fucking funny but he wouldn't be laughing if it was his stuff. “That's why irken material's are superior!”. He said. Well let's see how funny it is when I unleash them on the couch.

They like to climb up to my head like cats, I guess they like the height? That means any clothes I own have claw marks and are shredded by the second day. They hold onto me while I walk or when I'm going around in a chair. A chair that is sort of like a mix between a wheelchair and a hover car. Very convenient when I got too big and when recovering after.

Surprisingly they seem to like baths. Given how tiny they are and my god they are tiny, I have to go in the bath with them. Turns out that thing Zim was making was a bigger bathroom for the smeets. The water in there is special, extra filtered and treated. It's like one of those massive shower rooms with a few shower heads on the wall. The floor somehow is not slippery? I'm guessing alien materials because no matter how wet it gets I never slip.

I mostly bathe them in those small buckets that are for bathing small dogs. They find it fun, along with whatever toys gir gives them. Mostly dog toys. Which works fine because they chew through those things each week.

The soap is an irken brand, but I won't tell Zim they prefer baby soap for the bubbles. I just have to make sure they don't eat it because they try to eat everything. Zim says it's an old irken trait and paired with a human baby's curiosity everything not bolted down goes into the mouth.

They are cute. I won't lie. Little chubby cheeks and soft skin, it's so strange seeing a little being that has a part of me in it. Even months later it's still really cool to see what they look like as they grow. The little one does seem like it will need a leg brace, it's leg is a bit limp and weak. Zim didn't seem to make a fuss about it being weak, just that he could fix it.

They are small now but I know once they get older they will want to go outside and explore. Zim's already worried about that and so am I. I have no idea how they will deal with earth and if they can even handle the chemicals. I keep telling Zim that if he keeps them too sterile they will get sick the moment they step outside. He wasn't imposed on shots, as long as he could control the bacteria and viruses that were used.

Gaz visited often now, playing with them and bringing them things. I swear each time she comes they get worse in terms of bugging me. Likes she's telling them to do it.

Most of the shopping is done online right now. Since I can't really go out while still recovering and dealing with 7 little things running around.

Speaking of things, names are normally assigned when the paks are placed on the irken. The pak and control brains give them a name. The paks that zim put on them aren't connected to the control brain so they weren't given a name. I asked Zim if we should name them ourselves. Since calling them smeet 1 and smeet 2 and so forth was annoying. He agreed.

And by agreeing, he meant wanting to call them all Zim jr, which was not happening at all. We had a good fight over it for a while. They came out of me and I am going to name them.

It took a few days but we finally came up with names. The smeets seemed to take them well, smart enough to know who we are referring to now. Zim is proud of that, and says it's definitely his DNA that did that.

Names:

Zip
Lam
Kit and Kat (the twins as we put it)
Che
Zam
And jr (because Zim would not shut up about having one named after him and even if he's slickly he does remind me of Zim a bit in looks)

The bedroom for them has been made but they still insist on sleeping with me. Zim says that's very normal for irkens back before paks. They would stay with their parents until they were grown enough to hunt on their own. All I can say is that I'm ready for that. I would love a proper sleep one day.

Things are ... .fine. I never thought of myself as a parent. If I could change it I would, because I really don't think I'm ready. But now that it's here I'm going to do my best. Not fair to just leave them and Zim. Zim seems to be worried about the empire finding out about this and I get it. Something tells me they won't be taking care of them.

I can do this, it's only 7 and Zim says they will grow a bit faster than normal humans. I have no idea what the future will hold but at least I'm not alone and I have support. Besides, what more could happen? I think life has thrown me the biggest curve ball I will ever face. I can only hope I don't get anymore.