Chapter Text
You've been having a dreadful week, Your boyfriend just dumped you but you're ovulating so to be frank you're horny as fuck.
Your friends have been annoyed at your constant texting so they told you they've called something like "happy friends"? To come cheer you up.
So you get up and start to get ready but honestly, you don't even know what this "grinning pals" or whatever is so you're not bothering with anything fancy.
You brush your hair and put on a hoodie and jeans, calling it a day, now to wait for these… 'I don't even know who's coming. Is it like a party??' you think to yourself, but you can't think for long! There's a knock on your door… that must be them…, you open it and are greeted by two men, one short queer-looking 30yr and one… WOAH! Hubba hubba!..Awooga!!!. The other man looks down at you, he's tall and definitely on the heavier side …. And by god the most attractive man you've ever seen, you just want to bury your face in those man's tits.
“Hello there friend! We’re uh- Pim and Charlie” the pink gumball man, who you presume is Pim says, gesturing between the two. He has an accent you can't quite put your hand on but it's not American.
You think for a moment, questioning why the fuck your friends sent these two homunculi to your house? Your ears perk up when you hear the yellow hunk start saying something.
“Hey man are you okay??” The question is accompanied by a few finger snaps of a strong hand in front of your face to get your attention
“Charlie don’t snap your fingers in her face that's rude!” The older one scolded and Jesus Christ you wanted to punt that little fuck across the universe.
“Yeah, I’m okay, just a little confused... My friend didn't exactly tell me what this is.” You state and Charlie nods.
“Well, basically we come and cheer you up!! Here I’ll come in and make some tea n’ we can talk about what we’ll be doing today!” Pim says excitedly.
You were about to just shut the door on them, not wanting to deal with whatever prank this is but before you even know it that little fucker has pushed past your legs and is in your house!! He's scampering around in your kitchen like a hamster on crack.
“Yeah sorry about him dude… he was excited to see a new client so I gave him a little… Uh” The man leaned in closer, “Mary Jane... y’know to calm him down.” He whispered, looking to see if Pim was listening.
“But it turns out it was evil weed so now he’s all crazy!” he chuckled and pulled away, he smelled oddly like pine but not cheap cologne pine but an actual forest.
“Smoking weed on the job huh? Seems like he needs to be fired..” You laugh quietly back.
“Well- not smoking… he just thought I had some brownies..” Charlie brought a finger to his lip like he wanted to keep that fact a secret.
“We should probably just play along til he's like come down from his high.” He glanced into the kitchen again.
You just nodded then moved to the side so Charlie could enter your house.
Both of you walk over to the kitchen where Pim has already finished making three mugs of tea, you’re not sure where he got it as you do not own any tea, And honestly, you do not trust that little fucks unknown brew so you opt just to say a quick thank you and not drink it.
“Pim this kinda smells like shit,” Charlie says abruptly before you can say thank you, he had a concerned look on his face.
Pim scoffed, looking shocked and offended.
“Well it's not my fault you have no taste!” he shouted and Charlie brought the mug to Pim's face.
“Taste it then you fucking faggot, tell me how good it tastes.” The demanding tone Charlie used re-sparked your earlier hornyness.
“I’d taste something from you if it was from the tap.” You blurted out, and both men whipped their heads around to stare at you.
“WHAT?” Pim shouted out so Charlie promptly grabbed him and walked him to the door, throwing him into oncoming traffic where a car plowed into him mangling his body but he was still alive, that was until a second car came speeding down the road mowing him down like my grandma back in 2004.
“Now back to what we were saying..” Charlie walked back with a flirtatious grin that made you swoon.
“Well.. aren’t you guys supposed to cheer me up? I’ve just been so lonely since my boyfriend and I broke up..” you looked Charlie up and down,
“Yeah? Anything that I could do to cheer you up?” Charlie bit his lip while staring at you. he was hard, you could see it showing through his sweatpants.
You step over and wrap one arm around his waist, using the other to trail down his body.
“Y’know.. I think there is..” You say, Finally reaching below his waist, rubbing him through his pants causing a gasp to escape his lips. He quickly reciprocates, Grabbing your lower back and pulling you closer leaning down to connect your mouths into a sloppy kiss.
He was certainly a good kisser, But all you could think about was his hands moving lower down, cupping your ass.
You start pulling up his orange hoodie, so he pulls back and helps you. After he is gone he grabs at yours and practically rips it off, leaving you in nothing but jeans and a bra.
His pecs are practically calling your name “Readerrrrr… readerrrr.. Touch me….” They seem to whisper so of course who are you to say no? You pull him into another kiss and reach one hand up to squeeze a pec, the flesh is soft in your hand and just the right mix of muscle and fat.
You can feel Charlie moan into your mouth so that only encourages you to continue.
“Hah- I’ve never had someone do that..” Charlie pants out as he pulls away from the kiss, You smile.. Feeling a little cocky.
“Well, you’ve just never been with me.” You make a playful growl and roll your hips against Charlie, rubbing both of you in all the right ways.
“Woah take me to dinner first!” Charlie laughs but grabs your lower back and pushes you back against him, copying the motion.
Grabbing Charlie's hand you lead him to your bedroom because you’ve had enough of standing in the kitchen.
Finally, once you're there you take off your jeans and Charlie pulls off his sweatpants. You can see his erection through his boxers, he's big. You hook your finger around the waistband of his boxers, ready to tear them off like a gift on Christmas but suddenly there's a scrape at the window.
Both of you shoot your heads to the window, confused as to who's there.
“Charlieeee…” A gurgly voice groans from outside the window, Charlie, who was just called gets up and peeks out the window gasping in shock.
You quickly walk up behind him to peek out and see what's there and Jesus Christ it's Pim but now he looks dead, slightly green, and is clawing at the window with a fucked up nail.
“God fucking dammit. I gotta go help him.” Charlie rolls his eyes and stands up, grabbing his sweatpants. You're heartbroken, you fall to the ground and grab his ankles.
“Charlie nooo… you're so sexy.. you can't…" you cry at his feet and he just shakes you off.
"Charrrlieee brainnmnssss!!!!" Rotting pim cries out as well.
What the fuck? Is he a zombie!?!
You put on your clothes and follow Charlie out the door. Pim has crawled around to the front and is now lying face down on the steps.
“Pim, are you okay?? I'm sorry for throwing you into traffic.” Charlie says, nudging him with his foot.
Charlie yelps as Pim bites his foot, tearing straight through his knockoff $20 Walmart nikes.
“Pim what the fuck man!! Why did- oh god..” Charlie buckles over and starts vomiting. You're scared, not understanding what's happening but as Pim makes a beeline for your foot you quickly kick him in the skull flinging him across the street like a football.
“Hey so uh I'm just gonna like eat your brains now," Charlie says, grabbing your arm and pulling you closer. He's now more of a greenish-yellow yellow and he looks evil and mean but honestly still kinda a smash.
“Wait what-" You try to pull away but Charlie bites you, and you feel a burning spread from the bite throughout the rest of your body.
Then you guys have like freak nasty zombie sex
The end