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English
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Published:
2024-02-25
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1/1
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For Nex

Summary:

For all my precious transgender people.

For Nex.

Notes:

I haven't been writing, but with the heart-shattering loss of Nex Benedict, I want to remind my beloved fellow transgender people out there - you are not alone.

Work Text:

This is a story.  And I wish - I wish - that it was fiction, but it is not. 
I step beyond the bounds of fiction, here.

For Nex.

The young life cut short by peers, in a school fucking bathroom,
for being transgender.

They died young.

From violence, from hate. 
And from clear, willful neglect of impotent authorities.

You’re suspended, the school said.  
(For defending yourself, they failed to say.)
Go home, the urgent care clinic said.
(We will not provide proper medical treatment, they failed to say.)

Because you are transgender, they all failed to say.

Because you were transgender.

Past.
Past tense.
A life lost.
A spark extinguished.
A lifeline gone.

Because they were transgender.

Hate is a difficult thing.
A natural response in the face of such evil,
anger almost too great to bear.
But wars are not won through hate and fear alone,
and this is a war with too great a cost
not to win.
Keep your hate, keep your anger,
you have a right to them, too -
as fuel for something better.

We don’t deserve to die.
We don’t deserve to suffer.
We deserve to be here.
We deserve to use bathrooms of our choice.
We deserve medical care, 
even when we should not have to be treated
for crimes of violence against us
in bathrooms, in schools, in everyday life.

Everyday life means something different, for us. 
I think I can speak for us all when I say -
every transgender person knows this.
Our everyday lives are different,
just as we are different 
and glorious
and proud
and beautifully perfect
just the way we are.

I hope there is a path beyond,
and I hope it is beautiful, 
and I hope Nex is there, 
and peaceful and happy and laughing
in ways they could not be when they were here.

But if there is not…
I hope at least for peace.
They deserve it.
They deserve so much more than peace.

So do you.

This I know:
We will stand our holy ground 
for we are holy and filled with light,
made of stars - 
your bones, your blood, your beautiful eyes,
your hair, your hands, your heart -
all from stars.

You are designed for wonder and life.

You are meant for joy.

And at the barest - at the most reduced of all things we deserve - 
are Life, and Liberty,
and the Pursuit of Happiness.

Compare that against dying.

Against victimization, against violence in a bathroom,
and explain to me, superintendent;
explain to me, governor;
explain to me, health care administrators;
explain to me, State of Oklahoma - 
Where is it?  Where is the Life?  The Liberty?  The Pursuit of Happiness?

…

I hear only silence.
Have you nothing to say?
I hear no meaningful words, let me answer:
Life is gone.  Taken.  Stolen.  When they were cornered in a bathroom - the one they had to use - head bashed against porcelain, by young hands taught to hate.
Liberty, much the same.  Crushed beneath the kicks and stomps of teenage girls, on a hard bathroom floor.
The Pursuit of Happiness?  Was it ever really there to flourish?  You did everything you could to stop it, didn’t you?  
Passing laws you have no business passing, laws that make transgender people targets as though our lives did not matter -
making hateful statements you have no right to make, 
taking away rights, 
taking away lives, 
taking away life and liberty and happiness.

But you're fucking wrong - our lives do matter.  

As do our rights, our liberty, our happiness.

My heart breaks for us,
but not my spirit, not my mind.
Those are undying.  Those are promises.
To you, my beautiful transgender siblings,
to Nex, to all of us - 
I will not bow, I will never break.
Neither will you,
neither will any of us.

We will fight to live, to be free, to be happy,
and we will win.

Don't give up.

Don't ever give up.

To my fellow transgender people - 
I see you.
I love you.
I am so sorry this is happening to us.
The fires will test our strength, 
but we are forged of finer steel than hate,
than bigotry,
than oppression.

Rise up.

I stand with all of us.

I will taste life and freedom and happiness
and I will not die trying.

Neither will you.

Look fear in the face and devour.

This light of mine, of yours,
one by one becomes a torch, a blaze, 
a gorgeous inferno to light the way,
stars to light up the night.

Stand strong, stand bright.

Know that you were made for greatness.
Shine, you diamond-star,
light up the darkness, you are brilliant.

Fucking blind them.

Stand together.
Stand for Nex.
Stand for you, and for me,
and for all our transgender starlit siblings.

Bare your fucking teeth,
let nothing stop you.
These may be dark times
and darker times ahead, 
but you are an omen.
A constellation, 
your beautiful self.

Life is your right.
Liberty, your right.
Happiness, your birthright.
You deserve them all, just for being here.
Accept nothing less.

Love has and does find a way.
It always has.
It always will.
Love will win.
Even with heavy hearts and tired minds,
love will fucking win.

From my heavy, loving demon heart, 
to you and yours -
I wish the best of everything.

You shall have it. 

Make it so.

And much, much comfort in this bleakness.
Remember, you are not alone. 
You are not alone - 
not now, not ever.

Our stars are lighting up the night.

Be your beautiful transgender self, be proud.
Show no fear.
Let the world know we’re fucking coming for it,
and for all the things we deserve.

Much love.

Much care.

Much joy.  

For today, and tomorrow, and the days ahead.

All my love,
sav