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Lars eased his knee up, and Logan jerked, hissing as it throbbed painfully.

Finn's fingers tightened comfortingly on his shoulder. "Easy, Lo." He coached softly, and Logan nodded, desperately trying to catch his breath when Lars repeated the motion. 

"Sorry, Logan." Lars murmured, as he eased Logan's leg straight again. "I was just checking your range of motion." He glanced at Logan, with a small smile. "I don't think you've torn anything. Just strained it."  

Logan sagged with relief. "Merci." He said, and Finn squeezed his shoulder, face showing his own relief.

Lars replaced the ice, and turned to jot something down on his clipboard. Logan's knee had started throbbing last night, after his stupid late night run, and it had only gotten worse through their training today. He'd gotten sore enough that Finn had noticed, who had told Sirius, who had shoved Logan towards Lars with a firm look. 

Leo appeared suddenly in the doorway, free of his gear, but still warm and sweaty. His expression was anxious, as he scanned Logan lying on the PT bed. 

"Beurré," Logan greeted, trying his best to sound cheerful, and Leo relaxed. 

"Lo, hey," Leo moved forward, slipping around the PT bed to take Logan's other hand and kiss his forehead warmly. He pulled back, glancing towards Logan's knee. "What's happening?"

"Not torn." Logan reported, and Leo relaxed.

"Good." He breathed, and leaned down to kiss Logan's head again. "You looked pretty sore, though, Lo." All of them looked at Lars, who was starting to prep some tape.

Lars nodded. "They can be sore, for sure." He didn't seem that concerned, and Logan felt both Finn and Leo relax a bit more. "It's definitely a strain. I'll tape it for you." He smiled, reassuringly. "But there's no reason for you to be off the ice, Tremz." Logan grinned immediately, though Lars went on to warn, "But we need to be a bit careful, and I think we'll need to work to strengthen it up, to prevent an actual tear in your collaterals."

"Ouais, d'accord." Logan agreed, immediately. 

Lars ran a hand down the back of his calf, and paused before grabbing the block waiting. "Hey actually, how much running are you doing? Your achilles is feeling pretty tight." He moved to Logan's left leg, and frowned. "Same here. I'll tape your knee up, then do a bit of massage."

"Merci." Logan said gratefully, because massage sounded great. But he blinked, realising he'd missed something, when Lars raised an expectant eyebrow. "Oh, sorry," Logan tried not to flush. "What was your question?"  

"How much running are you doing?" Finn repeated, right beside his ear.  

"Oh." Logan actually winced, and glanced up at Finn with a touch of trepidation. Merde. 

"Have you been going without me?" Finn frowned down at him. "How often?"

"Maybe," Logan gave up on lying, and looked back at Lars. "Maybe four, five times a week?" Logan swallowed. "Six at the most." 

Lars' eyes widened, a touch. "On top of trainings and games?" He sounded surprised. 

"Um, ouais." Logan winced, because he could feel Leo and Finn exchanging a look above his head. 

Lars glanced at Finn, clearly concerned. "And you're doing the same?"

"No." Finn denied, shooting a reproachful glance at Logan. "Only once or maybe twice, max. After weights days, sometimes, if we don't have a game the following. But not for a few weeks, since the weather got so shitty." 

"Fine." Lars sighed, relaxing. But he gave Logan quite a stern look. "But that's way too much, Logan." He scanned him, hesitated, and seemed to make a mental note. "You need to stop your running, for at least a couple of weeks. Alright? Or I'll have to start rolling back your ice time." It was a pretty stark warning, and Logan nodded.  

"D'accord."  

"We'll make sure." Finn confirmed, and he looked sort of half teasing, half anxious. But it had been a pretty good work out, so Finn's overprotectiveness didn't itch. Lars started to pull tape out, and Finn frowned at him. "But when have you even been going?"

"You two have been falling asleep on the couch reading in the evenings, these last few weeks." Logan said, looking back to where Lars was easing his knee up at a slight angle, on top of the soft block. "I wasn't not telling you," he felt guilty though. "I just needed to get outside, and by the time you've woken up I'm already showered."

Finn looked a touch betrayed, and Logan shifted anxiously. "I'm sorry. It's only been the last couple of weeks, I swear." He apologised, and Finn bit his lip, but nodded. 

"Alright, yeah." Finn gave him a slightly more amused look. "But Lo, I was going too slow for you, you could've just said." And Logan rolled his eyes, relaxing. A moment later he winced again, as Lars rolled his knee outwards a little.  

"Easy, you're alright, Tremz." Leo leaned in a bit closer, helping him to lie back when Lars glanced up. 

"Sorry." He murmured. "Just relax as much as you can, Logan." Lars advised, and Logan grimaced at the sensation of the first piece of sticky tape on his knee, before forcing himself to take a deep breath. He only started to actually relax when Leo's hand began tracing gently through his hair. 

"You definitely need to rest it for a day or two, Logan." Lars sounded firm. "It's getting a bit swollen, even though we've been icing it. So," Logan gritted his teeth. "I'm going to say no to ice tomorrow morning, or the weights session. And then on Wednesday, we'll have to see where we are."

"D'accord, Lars." Logan hesitated. "We're playing on Thursday." 

"I know, Tremz." Lars nodded, sympathetically. "I think if we give it a decent twenty four hours, you'll be alright for the game. It's just more inflamed than I thought, so I can't promise Thursday. Not this far out, okay?" 

"D'accord." Logan muttered, and felt a wave of tiredness hid him. He lay his head back, as Leo brushed his cheeks gently, and he felt his eyes flutter closed.  

"Lo?"

Logan turned his head towards Finn, but couldn't quite find the energy to open his eyes again. "Fish?" He mumbled, and Finn hummed. 

"Don't worry, Lo." Finn whispered, and it was quiet for a few minutes. 

Logan felt himself begin to drift, and could feel himself beginning to melt back onto the bed. God, now that he'd stopped, it was all hitting him. He drifted there, for a while, and was barely disturbed when the others began to talk quietly again. 

"He seems pretty tired, hey." Lars commented softly, and it itched a little, that they were talking about him when he was right there, but Logan still couldn't find the energy to open his eyes. Particularly not with Leo stroking his forehead and through his hair, so gently.   

"Yeah." Finn's tone was strange. It was worry, maybe. Logan rolled his head instinctively towards Finn, making an inquiring noise, and felt a warm hand cup his face immediately. "You're fine, Lo. Just rest, love." And a gentle kiss, on his forehead.  

Logan felt himself almost drifting off, even with the noise of tape being pulled, when there was a sudden rap at the door. He blinked open his heavy eye to find Leo still tracing a hand through his hair, and Finn beside him. That was right, Logan blinked a few times, they'd both been talking quietly with Lars. Logan tried to wake up, but-

"Yeah?" Lars called, looking up after glancing at Logan, and the door opened.   

"Hey, sorry," Adam peered in. "Finn? Coach needs you." He clearly spotted Logan on the bed, and winced. "You good, Tremz?"   

"All good, Fox." Logan murmured, lifting his lip in a half hearted smile, and Adam nodded with relief. 

"Cool, man." He glanced at Logan's knee, half taped, and frowned. "Nothing too bad, then?"

"I'll be there Thursday." Logan said confidently, though Lars gave him a slightly chiding look. I can't promise- well, Logan could, though.  

"Cool." Adam relaxed a bit, and glanced at Finn again. "Yeah, Harzy, Coach wants you for some tape."   

"Thanks man, I'll be there in one sec." Finn said, before turning back to Logan. He squeezed their hands together. "Be good." He teased, lightly, and Logan snorted. Finn softened, but his worry was still obvious in the tight creases of his eyes. "I'll see you both in a bit."

Logan smiled tiredly, and nodded. Finn sent a warm look towards Leo, thanked Lars, and disappeared out the door. 

Logan relaxed back down, and with Leo leaning in beside him and still stroking his forehead, he could feel his head slowing again. His eyes closed, and- "Might sleep." He mumbled, trying to warn them, but Leo just hummed softly.  

"That's fine, Lo." Leo leaned in to kiss his cheek, and brushed a warm hand through his hair. "I know you've not been sleeping that well at home, hey." It wasn't quite a question, but his tone had changed, tinged with concern. 

"Non," Logan murmured. "Not really." Logan couldn't exactly deny it, because he knew that he'd woken Leo up a few times with all of his twisting and turning. He hadn't intended to tell Leo so bluntly, though, but his eyes felt so heavy, and it was hard to think. 

"How come?" Leo asked, softly, and traced a finger from the point between Logan's eyebrows, to the top of his forehead, and through his hair. Again, and again, and again. Logan slowed, even more.

"My head." Logan mumbled in French, strangely relaxed under Leo's ministrations. "Won't shut up." 

Leo hummed again, pattern not changing. Logan drifted there for a while, until a hot pulse of pain made him hiss, inhaling sharply and curling up. 

"Sorry, Tremz. Almost there."

"I'm fine." Logan said, although his knee was throbbing rather painfully, now, and he finally opened his eyes, to see at what was happening.  

"Alright, that's good." Lars said, peacefully, but seemed to be watching Logan carefully from the end of the bed. "One to ten, Logan?"

"Three." And Leo would hopefully think they were talking about the pain, rather than how-is-your-ability-to-stay-still-and-on-this-bed-tracking-Logan?

"Alright. Keep me posted." Lars was easy, with it. They used the same system Remus had created. Anything over an eight meant they had to stop and do something different, and ten usually meant Logan was already gone. But so exhausted and with Leo's company, Logan really didn't feel any great desire to move at all. 

"Well played, Logan." Lars clapped his shoulder, and Logan grinned it at him.  

"Thank you, Lars." He focused on hiding his limp as he headed away down the corridor, late after talking to the press with Sirius.  

"I'll see you in PT, in a few minutes." Lars called after him, knowingly, and Logan rolled his eyes. He lifted a hand, in acknowledgement, but didn't turn. 

Sirius, lit with the win and the fact that he'd scored two of their goals, still found a moment to shoot him a look.  

"Don't push it, Tremz." He ordered, in French, and Logan shoved him lightly. 

"Never." He denied, and then Finn was there, crowing about Logan's assists, and Leo was grinning from beside Kasey, watching them both fondly.  

Leo was curled up and seemed rather deeply asleep on Finn's chest, when Logan checked on them again. They'd only both been napping for a few minutes, because the last Logan had seen, Finn had still been reading, though with rather heavy looking eyes.

Logan should probably wake them, shepherd them through to bed, get them comfortable and properly resting. They had a big training, tomorrow.  

But Logan couldn't move to do any of that. He just stared at them, for a while.

And then he turned, and quietly began to pace the kitchen again. Because he couldn't figure out how to move towards them, instead of away, when his head felt like this. Inhale, pause, exhale- Logan's head was itching. Because the container drawer was a mess, and he'd hated the feeling of the nearly sodden kitchen towel on his hands when he'd wiped the sink, and the water draining had been loud, and more than any of that, Logan needed to run until his brain shut up or he might combust.  

Logan hesitated, guilt rising. But, bouncing on his toes again, he checked that his knee felt fine. And it had been feeling so good for the last few days, and had stood up to their latest game fine. And training had gone well, and they had half a day off tomorrow before their afternoon training and-

Before Logan could even think about reconsidering, he found himself striding towards the door to slip his trainers on. He was so glad he still had his leggings and a jersey on. Logan glanced over his shoulder once, cringing at what his boys might say, but he couldn't stop himself. He paused to grab his phone, keys and wallet, before disappearing out the door into the cold.  

Finn woke to something creaking, and yawned. "Shoot." He huffed a quiet laugh. "Did we fall asleep?" He smiled tiredly down at Leo, who lifted his head a fraction, and peered at Finn with crinkled eyes.  

"Hmm?" Leo hummed, clearly still half asleep, and Finn laughed softly again. 

"I think we fell asleep, Knutter-Butter." He teased, softly, and Leo grumbled. Finn squeezed him gently, but suddenly frowned. What was the time? Where was Logan? 

As if summoned, Finn suddenly heard heavy footsteps, and craned his neck curiously. Was Logan still in the kitchen? "Hey, Lo?" He called, when nobody appeared. "You there?" 

There was another pause, and Finn frowned.

But eventually Logan appeared in the doorway, sweaty and pink, and rather guilty looking. He lowered his large headphones down, and shifted back and forth, in the doorway. "Hi, Fish." He sounded rather resigned. 

It took Finn's sleepy brain a moment or two, to click. Abruptly, he put together the running kit and the sweaty appearance. He was suddenly wide awake. Shit. "You ran." Finn accused, flatly, and Logan winced. 

"You ran?" Leo suddenly lifted his head to peer at Logan too, eyes widening. "What?" Leo blinked a few times. "Wait, how's your knee?"

Finn suddenly spotted exactly how Logan was standing, leaning slightly off to the left, and Leo must too, because they both sit up with worried noises. "Oh shit, Lo-" Finn started, worry burning, but Logan just shook his head. 

"I'm fine." And although he was a little lopsided, he looked it. His eyes were lit up, but he looked calmer than he had at dinner, and had stopped shifting back and forth. Guilt, rather than hyperactivity, maybe. Fuck. Logan had clearly needed a run. But now he was sore.

Finn felt a pulse of guilt. He hadn't meant to fall asleep, he'd wanted to wait for Logan to join them. But they hadn't been able to convince Logan to leave the drying up, or accept help, so they'd left him in the kitchen rather than argue. And Logan had seemed alright with that, earlier. "I just, I know, and I'm sorry. But I needed some air." Logan continued, shrugging.  

"You should've woken us." Leo said, softly, and Logan looked away. Finn suddenly realised he was still hesitating in the doorway, like he was uncertain of his welcome.   

Finn untangled himself gently from Leo, and rolled to his feet, rounding the couch. "Wake us, next time." Finn said, knowing he would be treading the line of firmness that Logan might tolerate.

He reached Logan, ducking down to kiss his warm lips, and tasted the wildness in him that had gotten so familiar, this last week or two. Logan chased his lips a he pulled away, but Finn steadied him with a hand. "Please, just wake us. Okay?"

Logan looked down again, avoiding his gaze, but eventually he nodded unhappily. "Ouais," he murmured.

Finn stroked his cheek gratefully, and Logan looked up at him from beneath long eyelashes. Finn swallowed, thoughts derailing.  "Um," he started. "Shower?" Finn asked, suddenly spotting how Logan's sweat drenched shirt was outlining every single crevice of his six pack, and he heard his voice waver a little unevenly. 

"Ouais." Logan breathed again, scanning Finn with bright eyes, and then Leo appeared, smiling, and everything started to happen quite quickly.

Logan stopped running. 

The Lions kept winning. 

Logan stopped sleeping. 

The Lions didn't lose their streak. 

Logan, who knew that as a person he often felt like he was balancing on a very fine tight walk between okay and not okay, realised rather suddenly that he was beginning to slip of the rope entirely. 

"If everyone could please take their seats-"

Logan heard the words like a blow. He was hovering above Finn's seat, leaning over with a hand on Leo's shoulder by the window, watching the card game. 

Leo glanced at him, maybe having felt the flinch, and frowned. "Tremz?"

"Ouais." Logan knew his smile was gritted teeth. "I'm going to go and talk with Dumo." 

Leo nodded, but Finn glanced up. "Huh?" And only then did Logan realise he'd said it in French. 

"I'm going to sit with Dumo, for landing." Logan repeated, accent curling, and Finn glanced at him with a hint of worry in his eyes. But his expression was calm, and he nodded easily. "Alright, Tremz." He grinned. "We see how it is."

Logan managed to roll his eyes, snort a bit, and flick Finn's ear. 

Evander glanced up from the opposite seat, giving Logan an easy smile, but turned back to the cards immediately when Leo dealt. Thomas was a little slower, watching Logan straighten with a slightly confused look. Logan flashed him a weak smile, but slipped further down the plane, rather than sliding back in beside Kasey in the opposite row. 

"You alright, Tremz?" Asked a voice in familiar French, and Logan glanced up, finding Jackson peering at him from his seat beside Evgeni. Kuny was frowning at Logan too as he paused at their row. 

"Fine." Logan muttered, and slipped past the both of them. He found Pascal, thankfully still by himself, in one of the back rows. Logan sank  down beside him gratefully.  

Pascal glanced up with a smile, but then paused, scanning him. "Logan?" He leaned in, and Logan did up his seat belt with cold fingers. "What's wrong?"  

"Nothing." Logan lied, and his head rolled back heavily against the seat. But his heart was thrumming, and his left leg was drumming anxiously.  

There was a pause. And then slowly, enough that he could have stopped it if he'd wanted to, a long arm reached around his shoulders. Logan sagged against Pascal, and his grip tightened. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Logan lied again, but dropped his head onto Pascal's shoulder. 

"Alright," Pascal sighed. "That's alright, my son." 

He pushed himself harder and harder on the ice, and Arthur clapped his shoulder after the next latest game with a pleased smile. "Well done, Tremz-" and Logan was panting and exhausted, but his head was finally quiet.  

"New personal record!" Finn crowed above him, and half of the team yelled from their own benches around the gym.

Logan would have flushed, but he was too busy panting and sweating, exhausted. 

But his head was finally quiet for the first time all day, and he could actually listen to Finn telling him about the coffee cart he'd tried that morning, once he rolled upright again with a grunt. Worth it, he thought, rather dizzily. 

"Can you try and tell me?" Finn coaxed, and Logan inhaled, sharply. 

"I just, merde." The irritation, the inaction, was chewing apart his chest. "I wanted to do my laundry, but then I just, I just got, and now it's too late, and-" Logan cut himself off sharply, and Finn tried to shift closer, making a worried noise.

But today, when they hadn't had a long training and Logan hadn't been for a run, it proved too much. Far, far too much. Logan darted up from the couch, pacing away, tugging anxiously at his hair, his cap, and began flicking it in his hands as he stared out the window. It was pouring with rain, and he flinched at the flicker of thunder in the distant. Merde, and a storm, on top of it all.

"Lo-" Leo appeared in the doorway, and paused. "Hey," his voice softened. "Alright?" He probably already knew the answer. Leo moved closer, and when Logan didn't shift, he slipped long fingers gently through Logan's.  

"My head." Logan managed, only able to reach for French when he was like this.

"His head, he says." Leo translated, softly, squeezing their hands together gently. Finn came closer, cautiously at first but with growing confidence when Logan immediately sagged back against him.

"Lo." Finn sighed, and held him. Leo shifted until he was in front, and Logan tilted his back on Finn's shoulder, sandwiched between them. "What's happening up there?" Finn reached around to stroke Logan's forehead, gently. "Can you tell us?"

Logan closed his eyes. He was leaning back on Finn's shoulder, and Leo was holding his hips, but his brain was bouncing, and a storm was coming, and he couldn't-he really couldn't-

Logan suddenly turned his head, kissing Finn's lips. It was almost desperate, and Finn made a surprised noise, trying to slow things down. "Hey, Lo, wait-" he murmured, and Logan pulled away, panting.

"My head is too busy-" Logan managed, and turned to Leo. "Please can you help me stop thinking-" He asked desperately, and Leo cupped his face, tongue pressing into Logan's mouth gently.  

"We're okay, Lo." Finn whispered, and kissed his neck gently. "I promise we've got you."  

Game day, tomorrow, game day, tomorrow- Logan held onto the fact desperately, so close, so close, so close- and although he hated himself for it, there were several moments he lost with them, that he wouldn't remember, because he was barely paying attention.  

There was a flash of pain, because he'd been too eager, in too much of a rush, but Logan hid it, because it helped, the heat that slid with just a touch of roughness, and Logan's finally head went quiet. 

Leo was cooking, and Finn was reading. Logan had wanted to do his washing, but the machine had broken, and the repair people were only coming tomorrow. And now, Logan couldn't sit down.  

Logan hated their washing machine so fucking much because at the very moment he'd finally found the energy and the willingness to actually sort his clothes and throw them in the machine, it had chosen to break down. He remembered Leo's warning, earlier.  

"Oh, Lo, sorry, I forgot to say, it wouldn't switch on earlier. Finn reckons it's actually the um," Leo hesitated, and glanced towards the living room. "Finn? Washing machine?"  

"The motor, love!"

"Yeah," Leo had smiled so fondly, looking back at Logan with that very same softness in his eyes. "The motor. They're going to replace it if they can't fix it, thankfully, because it's still in warranty."

"Oh." Logan had said, blankly. And then the irritation had hit him like a falling tree, and if he'd been in the gym, he would have gone for the bag. But he was in his flat. With his boys. And it was raining. And he still couldn't run because it's too much, Logan, you're pushing this strain and I'm worried it'll tear if you keep up with the full training and the running on top, alright? You can warm up on the treadmill, but maximum ten minutes- and ten minutes barely got him warm, let alone got his head quiet, and-  

Leo appeared, hand wrapping around his waist. Logan flinched, and Leo went still, half releasing him. "Hey, hey. I'm sorry. Are you okay?" 

"Fine." Logan managed, swallowing the nausea and smiling woodenly. "I think I'm going to go and call Noelle." 

"Oh," Leo sounded surprised, but took his hands back. Logan usually perched happily on the side, distracting him, whenever Leo cooked. "Okay, for sure." Logan could hear his confusion. 

"Thanks for cooking though, Beurré." Logan managed, briefly kissing his cheek, before disappearing towards their bedroom. He could at least do some press ups to get his head back inside his skull, with some music, maybe.  

Logan forgot his phone on the side, and Leo found him half under the bed instead, trying to retrieve a sock he'd lost several weeks ago.  

"Lo?" Leo asked, sounding confused, and Logan sagged against the carpet.   

"Ouais." Logan sighed. "I'm coming." And the irritation at his own head just itched at him, painfully. 

"Lo?" Soft and gentle, and a tall figure pushed through the door out of the corner of his eye.    

Logan rolled his head heavily, and Finn was there, holding his airpod case in clenched fingers. He was so tall, in his skates. 

"Thank you." Logan said, woodenly, all he can manage because all of his focus is going into not-tapping-his-foot-because-Finn-will-see-and-know-and-worry-more. 

"No worries." But Finn looked at Logan with plenty of worry, and he actually hesitated to pass the airpods over, pausing a few steps away. "Do you want some company? While you wait for Lars? Or with him?"

"I'll be okay." Logan's smile practically creaked with how false it was, but Finn was still in his skates, and the training had only just started. "Thanks though, Fish. He said he'd only be two minutes. You should get back on the ice." And Logan reached out, accepting the headphones, and it was all he could manage to keep a calm expression on his face. 

"Yeah." Finn shifted from one foot to another, restlessly. They could be so similar it ached, sometimes. "Alright, Lo." Finn gave in, but he still waited for another few seconds, as if expecting Logan to change his mind.    

Logan half expected to change his mind. But he found himself only nodding again, automatically, stupidly, and forced a reassuring smile, until Finn withdrew with a last confused look over his shoulder.  

Logan connected his headphones up dully, leaning back on the bed. But they stayed in his hands. He was too exhausted to lift them to his ears.   

"Logan, hey-" Lars swung through the door, far more suddenly than Remus used to, and Logan startled. He stared at the PT with wide eyes.

Lars froze, and that was why Remus had always knocked. He knew Logan was jumpy, in here. "Sorry." Lars said, softly, before closing the door quietly behind him. "And I'm sorry to have kept you waiting, too. Have you got your phone and headphones?" And Logan laid his head back down, staring up at the ceiling in frustration. His stupid fucking head. "Logan?"  

"Ouais, yes. I'm fine." He murmured, and Lars hummed.  

"Alright. Arthur said you twinged your knee again? On a turn?"  

"Ouais." Logan shifted the ice on his knee, and realised he was bouncing his other leg. "Sorry." He managed, but he realised he was entirely unable to stop.   

"Don't be." Lars said, shooting him a careful look as he rounded the table. He paused, at Logan's right side. "Don't be sorry, Logan." He gave him a sympathetic look. "I know it isn't very easy, in here." Lars nodded his head at the headphones in Logan's hand. "You can put one or both in, if you can still hear me enough to answer questions." 

Remus used to say that, too. Logan's head itched, at the thought that even Remus was out there now, and Logan was in here, and his boys were out there too, and- "Logan?"

Logan nodded, swallowing, and his leg was still bouncing. He couldn't stop it. "Sorry." Logan said again, and he sounded bad. "I'm sorry, Lars." It was all getting too much.   

And then, abruptly, it was. And Logan couldn't stay on the bed. 

He rolled up and off, abandoning the ice, and he was halfway to the door before he blinked, before he even realised he'd decided to leave.   

"Hey, hey, wait Logan-" Lars called sharply, enough that Logan froze, gripping the handle painfully hard. "Let's just pause," Lars softened, but Logan couldn't defrost. "Let's just stop and take a deep breath, Tremz." Lars demonstrated, inhaling loudly, taking a deep breath. It was too loud, though. It itched. And the smell of the tape, usually so familiar, stung at his nose as well. What if Lars wanted to tape his knee again?   

"Come on, Logan." Coaxing. "Can you take some deep breaths with me, maybe?" But when Logan tried to copy Lars, he couldn't. Because his throat was tight with panic, and his head, his head was on fire- and Logan's hand tightened on the handle, as he conjured a plan out of nowhere. 

Hallway - locker room- Finn's bag-car keys-stairs-car park-open car from far away because of the noise-climbin-turnon-intodrive-homehome-homehomehomehome-  

"Try your headphones." Lars coaxed, moving a few cautious steps closer. "Try your headphones, or if that's not enough, we can go for a gentle walk. Or I'll spot you for some weights, maybe." But the weights would pull, if he had to sit with his leg down, and his knee hurt, and someone was vacuuming, down the corridor, and-  

"It's too loud." Logan managed, and he didn't know whether he'd managed English.    

"Alright." Lars was still, somehow, so calm. Logan was almost having a fucking a breakdown, and Lars just gave him an easy, calm, nod. "Give me just one second, Logan. I'll ask them to stop-" and he was easing Logan back from the door with a hand on his wrist. Logan swallowed, and Lars released him. "I'm going to leave the door open, so I can hear you, okay? But I'll only be two seconds." He scanned Logan again, and hesitated with the door half open. "One to ten, Logan?"  

Logan stared at him, helplessly. Their normal system was fucked, and he was fucked, because his head was just- 

Their PT's face twisted with true worry, then. "Should I get Pascal?" 

Logan didn't have the energy to nod, let alone the capacity to decide, yes. Instead Logan looked down, like he remembered doing on the ice after his knee began to hurt. And just like then, he found his hands \ shaking. 

Too much, for him to try and get his ear buds in, which he was still clenching in his left hand. His hands were shaking. He felt like he'd woken up like this, just slightly off, all day. His boys had been up so early, and Logan had slept late because he hadn't been able to sleep early, and then he'd had to rush, and lied about having eaten when they'd asked, and then felt guilty ad slightly sick for the rest of the drive in.   

And Sirius had greeted him, but Logan hadn't heard him over Thomas chattering to Remus, and Sirius had seemed to give Logan a weird look, after that. Logan had rushed to say hi, to apologise, and Sirius had smiled but he'd been distracted by Remus too, and Logan had needed Pascal's steadiness, because Sirius and Finn were distracted and Leo was busy talking with Kasey, but Pascal had only come in late, because Katie was ill, again, and Logan was worried, and felt guilty he hadn't visited since the last time she was ill, and the team had been even more loud than normal in warm ups, excited for the next block of challenges, only three days away from their next game-  

And Logan didn't feel ready. He didn't feel ready at all. But maybe he would have been alright someone if someone hadn't fucked up with his skates. The noise of his blades on the ice had been wrong because someone had sharpened them wrong, and that was all he'd been able to hear, and he'd fucked up plays because Arthur was shouting instructions but Logan didn't hear them, and Thomas was being loud with Remus, because he was great but Logan had barely been able to look at him today, because he was so much faster than Logan, and Logan was too fucking slow, and a failure-and-and- 

Logan almost sobbed.  

And then he'd gone and twinged his knee with a stupid fucking mistake and had had to climb off the ice before his head was even vaguely back in his fucking skull and Leo had looked so worried and Finn had wanted to wait with him for Lars to come and had come off the ice just to fetch him his headphones, but Logan had said no because he'd been about to vibrate out of his own fucking head, and what if Finn now hated Logan becausehecouldn'teven- 

Something clattered, and Logan startled, gasping in a breath. Maybe it had been Lars, knocking the door or the handle as he disappeared out the door, and Logan had forgotten to remember the question Lars had asked. Or maybe he'd been gone for ages, and Logan just couldn't remember.

Fuck. Logan looked down, and his hands were shaking. He was trembling. Get a grip, Tremz- but he couldn't do it. 

It felt like seconds. Or maybe forever. 

"Mon fils-" and there were arms gathering him up, and Logan was shaking. He was shaking. Not just his hands. 

It was too noisy.  

And then the arms were gone, and Logan folded weakly without them, finding a strong chest to land on, and then something was covering his ears, and he flinched, but the noise cut away into deadened silence. The noise of the vacuum was gone.  

The relief was almost heady.   

"My skates were wrong-" Logan said, not able to hear himself, but trying to explain why his brain was on fire. Pascal just pinned Logan tightly against his chest, again. "I'm sorry." Logan said, or maybe cried, and he flinched when a hand came up to his cheek, before warm fingers covered his fluttering eyelids, forcing them closed, and then the lights were switched out, and there was a dull thud of the door, and suddenly all Logan could hear was the too quick thud-thud of his heart.   

Logan curled into Pascal's shoulder, hiding his face willingly, and Pascal uncovered his eyes, moving his hand to wrap around the back of Logan's head instead, keeping him there.  

Pascal's voice rumbled through his chest, beneath Logan's head, his face, but he couldn't hear the words.    

Oh, Logan slowly began to feel the rhythm. Maybe Pascal was singing. 

Logan began to slowly calm, in the dark and the silence, held so tightly. He felt short. Maybe Pascal was still in skates. 

He was breathing deeply, and slowly, Logan tried to match him. It was safe, in the dark and the quiet, to try and fail. 

Eventually, so steadily that Logan barely noticed, he was gentled backwards, until his legs hit the dreaded PT bed. Logan flinched, tried to resist, but he was exhausted and still tucked against Pascal, and Pascal slowed things down until Logan forgot what was happening, until he was lying back on the bed, head resting on something soft.  

Pascal pulled away only once Logan was down, but he couldn't go far, because Logan's fingers were twisted somehow in his neck pads, please, please stay- Logan's fingers were shaking, but he didn't think he could release his hold. 

Pascal was still in his kit. He'd come for Logan, straight off the ice. Maybe he was still in his skates. Had he already thought that? Logan couldn't remember. How long had it been? Had Pascal missed more of the training than he should have? Were they meant to be doing weights today after? Logan couldn't remember.

Logan hissed at the dim light that he suddenly noticed, through the glazed window on the door, and his eyes watered. He caught a glimpse of a strained faced Pascal above him before something soft and almost silky was brought to cover his eyes, and Logan was gently shuffled over a little on the bed, and then Pascal was sitting down beside him. And then Pascal leaned his full wait onto Logan, all at once. 

Logan let out a little, "Oomph-" as Pascal curled over him, one arm settling tightly behind Logan's shoulders on the bed and the other cradling his head. His weight was entirely on Logan's chest, his shoulders, enough that Logan actually began to feel real, again. 

The darkness and the silence and the heavy weight on his chest all helped.  

And slowly, slowly, Logan began to climb out of the hole in his head. 

Again. 

It was getting pretty old. Logan felt Pascal tap his chest, and Logan nodded weakly. He needed to breathe. I know, Dumo, but I can't, I can't- but the slow taps reminded him to keep trying, and the weight, and the dark and the quiet, all helped.  

It all helped. 

Logan began to tiredly climb, and Pascal waited at the top for him, utterly patient. 

Lars squinted at Logan's knee, hands gentle as he guided Logan through a slow stretch. He only had the two lamps on, in the office.

Pascal was sat sort of half beside him and half behind Logan, his right knee curled up behind Logan and his other leg dangling off the bed, foot resting on the floor. He was bracketing Logan, keeping him upright with an arm wrapped around Logan's chest. "Logan," He checked, softly, and Logan nodded, tiredly. 

"I'm okay." He murmured, softly, and Pascal nodded. 

"Well done."

The entire process was taking a little while, but Lars seemed content with moving slowly. He would softly murmur his next step before doing it, and Logan no longer had the energy to fight or stress about being on the bed. 

He wanted his boys. How long had it been? Logan wanted his boys, and he shifted, even though his knee ached and it forced Lars to pause, for a moment. Logan looked towards the door, restlessly. 

"Alright?" Lars checked, and Logan forced himself to be still again, and nod. 

But within minutes, as if they'd somehow heard him, there was the softest knock on the door. Logan rolled his head, and Lars glanced at him carefully. "Do you want me to let them in?"    

Logan nodded. His boys, he wanted his boys-

"Change of the guard, eh?" Pascal murmured, soft amusement clear, but Logan went tense. "Or not." Pascal tightened his grip. "I will stay as long as you want me." He said it so gently, and Logan sagged against him. But when would it be too much? When would Pascal get bored of Logan being such a mess?   

The door creaked open, and then Pascal was tugging the headphones back over Logan's ears. He closed his eyes in relief, as the squeak of the door and the noise of Lars' movement back towards the bed cut off, but he stupidly missed the first moments of his boys entering the room.   

Logan opened his eyes once he remembered, and Finn was hovering just inside the door, so tall even in trainers. He was watching Logan cautiously, hand tightly intertwined with Leo's. And Leo was watching Logan with such open concern, it made Logan's eyes heat.   

"He's okay." It was dulled by the headphones, Pascal's voice, but  audible now the white noise had been switched off. "He got overstimulated, but he's okay, now."   

"Alright." Finn nodded, and Logan could see the lack of judgement there, and the understanding in both of them. "Can we come over, Lo?" And Logan nodded, and then before he really knew what was happening, he was leaning back against Leo, who was holding Logan tightly against his chest. Finn was stood on the right side of the PT bed, and his arm was around his waist, pushing him back against Leo, gently.   

Logan sagged between them, tiredly. 

Pascal was at his left, and Logan rolled his head to peer up at him. He leaned down, kissed Logan's forehead. "Mon fils, you need more rest." Pascal traced the deep bags beneath Logan's eyes, and then his cheek, and Logan's eyes closed. 

He was so exhausted that the smell of the tape on his knee barely even bothered him, and he wondered vaguely if he was going to fall asleep, moments before he did. 

"Lo-" and Finn was there, moving his headphones gently to uncover one ear. Lars was gone, Logan saw, and his knee was taped up neatly with black tape. "Lo?" Leo whispered, and Logan nodded. But he felt unbalanced with only one ear exposed, and pushed at them until someone slipped them all the way off. 

"Shower, baby?" And Logan nodded, head not quite lifting off of Leo's shoulder. 

"We'll go slow, Lo." Leo promised, gently. 

"Beurré." Logan murmured, and then he looked at Finn sadly. "Désolé, Fish."  

Finn leaned in, kissing his forehead gently. And then his cheek, and his nose, and Logan huffed a tired laugh. "Don't be sorry, Tremz." Finn whispered. "Please don't be sorry."  

Logan stayed there leaning back against Leo for another few minutes, gathering himself slowly, trying to find his equilibrium again. "The team?" He roused himself enough to ask, and Finn exchanged a look with Leo, above Logan's head.     

"They think you've been icing, resting. That Lars thought it was bad, so he got Pascal." A kind lie from Lars. They were probably all aware that if he had been badly injured, Lars would have gone for Leo and Finn, not just Pascal. But maybe the team would let him get away with it, for now.   

"Everyone else is cooling down, now." Leo murmured, from behind him. "So we thought we could shower, and then go home?" 

Home. 

"Ouias, please." Logan breathed. "Désolé."

"Please don't be sorry." Leo turned his head slightly to kiss Logan's eyebrow, gently. "Not ever with us." 

Logan had to close his eyes again, against the heat that burned there. It was better than the itching, though.   

"Here, Lo." And Finn, in an odd mirror of the moment earlier, was holding out a pair of ear plugs. "Dumo suggested these maybe, for the shower." 

Logan sagged, Dumo, and reached out. His hands were no longer shaking, and neither was he. But he was all used up. Exhausted. He worked them unsteadily into his ears, flinching at the odd sensation, but it cut out so much noise that he sagged with relief once it was done.  

Finn offered the large over-ear headphones again for the walk, and Logan nodded desperately. He tried not to see when a flash of worry grow into a true stain of concern across Finn's face, as Logan accepted them. But it was entirely deadened silence that met him after they were on, so Logan could stand, and not have to hear the creak of the PT bed.

He felt badly off balance, and almost swayed there, once he was upright. He looked down, feeling the need to confirm that his right knee was taped, again. His hands were no longer trembling. 

Leo wrapped an arm around his waist, kissing his forehead, and Finn guided them both forward, taking Logan's hand gently.  

It was too bright in the corridor, and Logan squinted, but after pausing for a moment, he ducked his head into the shade of Leo's neck, and blindly followed his boys. 

The locker-room was empty, and Logan wondered dully if it was by design. He left Pascal's own large headphones carefully in his stall, and stripped off, hating the feeling of cooled sweat now that he was noticing it.   

Leo and Finn watched him with open concern, but eventually stripped off too. Logan ducked into the showers gratefully to avoid their eyes for a moment. But they followed, off course. And quickly shepherded him into a corner. Leo moved behind him and Finn stood in front, and they gently helped Logan wash his hair. He felt useless. He felt exhausted. 

Sometimes when he got like this, Logan needed space, and not to be touched. But sometimes he needed to be crowded and wrapped up so tightly that he could barely breathe. 

Mostly the boys seemed to know which one, and Logan leaned back on Leo as Finn kissed his neck slowly, grateful.  

Sirius caught them at the carpark, abandoning Remus for a moment to jog over to Finn's truck. Logan hesitated, at first avoiding his worried gaze, but Sirius came closer and just held open his arms in offer. Pascal had told him, then, Logan realised. He didn't really care, not with Sirius, but the open concern on Sirius's face itched dully beneath the rest of it. 

Logan had his own large headphones on, now, and he was steadier after a shower, and calmer now he knew his knee was mostly the same as before and Lars had used the right tape, and he'd not had to pretend in front of the team, because they'd stretched out in PT after their shower.   

So Logan found deep reserves to step close, and allow Sirius to hug him tightly. "Call me, if you need to." He said, speaking firmly enough that Logan could hear. Logan nodded, but pulled away too quickly, ducking into the back seat like a child. 

Leo slipped in from the other side, and Finn drove them home. It was so quiet, and Logan rested on Leo's chest. He tried not to cry, and was distantly grateful that Leo's jersey was black, when he failed. 

"What happened?" Finn asked, watching him with so much care. "You seemed okay, this morning." 

"I was." Logan lied, dull again. He'd barely warmed up on the ice before being pulled off. He needed a run, now, or he wouldn't sleep, but he had been coaxed into icing and elevating his knee on the couch instead, and Logan tried to ignore the sensation that Finn was beginning to crowd him with questions.  

"Is there anything we could have done, to help?"

"Nobody can help, when I'm like this." Logan said, stupidly and weakly, and Finn hissed a breath. 

"Oh, fuck. Lo-" and Finn leaned in, upset. Logan changed his mind abruptly. He didn't need space, actually. He never wanted Finn to go anywhere, ever again.  

"Désolé, I'm being so stupid, please don't listen to me." Logan managed, and Finn just leaned more heavily against him, shifting on the couch so their legs tangled together, but Finn was still so careful of his knee. Finn's weight made him feel real, again, and Logan exhaled deeply, closing his eyes. 

Logan heard Leo come back in by the mug of chamomile clinking on the glass table, and then Leo was there, brushing Logan's hair back, kneeling right beside their heads.     

"Hi, Lo." Leo whispered, and Logan turned his head blindly towards him. 

"Le." He croaked, eyes clenched shut. "Désolé." And if it had been Pascal there, Logan might have cried again. 

"Please don't be sorry." Leo soothed, and brushed his hair which helped, and Finn kept laying on top of him, which helped too. 

They were so patient. So patient with him. Logan sometimes wished they would shout. 

Finn's arms tightened around him, and Leo leaned forward too, and Logan slowly began the heavy task of putting himself back together.  

"Allons-y!" Logan cried, "Hurry up, Fish!" And he tapped his hand impatiently against a non-existent watch. "Or we'll be late!" And Leo laughed, from beside him. Logan flashed him a grin, and they were all smiling, as they walked down to the car. Logan had had a day at home, yesterday, banned from the ice and rink on Lars and Moody's advice, but he'd been out for a two hour long walk around the town and put his brain sort of back together. He was determined that today was going to be better. And tomorrow they would play, and Logan was ready.  

"Too cold." Leo complained, once they were in the car on the way, and leaned forward from the back seat to turn up the heat. 

"Long arms." Logan smiled, admiring the lines that made up Leo, and Leo flashed him a pleased grin. He leaned forward to wrap an arm over Logan's chest. 

"For good use." Leo said, and Logan could hear his smile. Logan leaned against Leo's head, kissing him gently, and Finn reached out, gently rubbing his hand on Logan's thigh. 

Pascal met him at the door, and scanned him carefully, before smiling. "Mon fils." And Logan flashed him a grin. "How is your knee?"

"Fine." He grinned cheekily, pretended concern as he peered at Pascal with mock concern. "How are yours?" 

Pascal laughed and laughed, and Logan pretended not to hear the relief in it.  

Logan gripped his hands together, and tried to focus on the board. He curled his short nails into his hands, too short now for chewing, don't chew, don't chew, you'll bleed-  

"We need to be better at the switches happening here-" and Arthur was pointing at the board, and the board was a mass of white, interspersed with small black tiles mixed with written numbers, and Arthur's hand writing was messy, but not as bad as Moody's, and what would Lars' handwriting be like? 

Logan couldn't remember ever seeing it, but he probably had. Didn't Lars written out instructions for Logan's knee last week? Or had he typed them? 

Shit. Logan had forgotten to do the exercises yesterday. His eyes flicked guiltily towards Lars. He'd probably be able to tell. Remus had always seemed to be able to tell, somehow. He glanced across at Remus just then, who was gazing intently at Arthur, nodding slowly like he understood something. That would be nice. That would be so-

A hand landed abruptly on his knee, and Logan looked up.

Arthur was staring at him hopefully. "Right, Tremz?" He asked, maybe for the second time, and Logan froze like a deer in headlights. Arthur started to look a little less hopeful, and then the hand squeezed once, prompting him. 

"Definitely." Logan grinned automatically, out of nowhere, and Arthur smiled back at him.  

"Excellent." Arthur clapped his hands together, happily. "And this of course applies beyond just the one line-" and he was turning away, pointing at something in the middle of the board, and the hand disappeared from his leg. 

Logan glanced at Finn, who was still watching Arthur carefully. His eyes flicked to Logan briefly, gentle amusement clear, and Logan shot him an embarrassed look, before sinking back into his stall.   

Fuck. 

"Just switch it off!" Logan barked, and Leo seemed to reach the end of his tether.   

"My headphones don't connect to the TV." He snapped. "And someone left my laptop at the rink," Leo's face was oddly flushed, and Logan felt a lurch of guilt at the reminder. "And I know you're sorry, but my only option is doing this on the TV tonight because we're playing tomorrow, and I need to focus, and I need to know this." Leo looked stressed. "So if it's bothering you, maybe you could be the one to go into our room and put headphones on."    

Logan froze, heavy guilt blindsiding him as he realised how ridiculous he was being. "Ouais, merde," he sounded strange to his ears, but Leo barely looked away from the screen. "Désolé, Le, I'm being stupid." 

"Tremz," Leo sighed, and looked at him. "It's okay, you're not. You're stressed." Leo sagged a bit. "I'm stressed too, and I know you're not sleeping, and I'm sorry for all of it." He shifted to kiss Logan's cheek. "I'm sorry it's bothering you, but I have to do this tonight." He'd paused the tape, and Logan could breathe again.   

"It's me, I'm sorry." Logan said, trying a self deprecating smile and hating the taste of the lie. He sounded weird. "Not the tape, and definitely not you. I'm just in a weird mood." Leo squeezed his hand. "I'll go have a shower. Désolé, Beurré."    

"It's alright, Lo, it's okay." Leo relaxed, and Logan kissed his cheek, before moving towards the bedroom stiffly.    

Leo appeared naked through the steam, and stepped inside, mouthing gently along Logan's shoulder. "You've been in here for a while, love."  

"Désolé." Logan murmured, water pounding on his head. His hair covered his face, but his voice cracked, and gave him away.    

"Oh, Lo." And Leo hooked his shoulder over Logan's, arms tucking around his waist. On another night, Logan would be tossing a coy look over his shoulder. But all he could manage today was to sag a little, in Leo's hold.   

"Hey!" Called a sudden voice, and Logan flinched at the noise, the sudden wave of cool air. "What, you're having a party in here, and you didn't invite me?" But Finn's teasing dropped away as soon as he saw Logan's face, his curled posture, and frowned. "Shit," Finn had seen it so easily. He always had. "Wait for me, loves." And Finn began to strip.   

Logan stupidly wished, right in that particular moment, for slightly less attentive boyfriends. He thought that if he'd had just another half hour, he might've managed to put himself back together again, before they noticed.    

But now they knew, and when Finn slipped beneath the water and swore at the heat, turning the handle with a yelp, Logan sank even more deeply between them, and let the water disguise his tears.  

"What's going on?" Finn whispered, hand moving steadily up and down Logan's spine.  

Logan turned his head more into Leo's shoulder, who was in the middle tonight so Logan can try and breathe, and he could feel the pair exchanging a look over his head. "I promise I'm fine." He managed, and Finn's fingers paused, before tracing slowly up, back, and down again.  

"Are you?" Finn asked softly, without judgement. 

"What's going on, love?" Leo coaxed, softly, when Logan remained silent.

He needed to tell them something. He needed to- "I just," Logan swallowed. "I can't run." Logan could hear how childish he sounded. "And I'm sorry, but I can't sleep, if I don't run." Finn knew that. Leo knew that. But maybe they'd forgotten. Logan winced, guilt biting at that thought, because the pair of them never seemed to forget anything. Not like Logan did.  

"What can we do to help, then?" Leo asked, softly, and Logan could only shake his head, hiding his face again. 

"Lo," Finn murmured, stroking his hair back. 

"I just need to sleep." Logan mumbled, and he was almost begging. He was exhausted, worn down, and he still couldn't sleep.  

"Okay, Lo, alright." Leo murmured, above his head. And gently, slowly, the pair of them shuffled Logan into the middle, until he was between them. Logan softened, as Finn began to kiss his neck slowly. 

"Game tomorrow, Tremz." Finn whispered, and Logan nodded, desperately. "Just focus on your breathing, for right now." And the pair of them gentled him, until his thoughts were slow and languid, and he rested. 

He slept.

The next morning, Logan woke up and felt good for the first time in weeks. Their early morning skate was compulsory, and he ate a decent breakfast under Leo's slightly too obvious supervision, and he walked into the changing room feeling ready.  

Logan had a good day. And a better evening, when the game started.

They won. Logan scored two goals, and Sirius got a third. 

Finn gripped his helmet and yelled, and the crowd roared for their Lions, and Logan was so high on adrenaline that he was finally, finally, calm.   

"Merde." Logan swore, staring down at his bag. "Merde." He ground out again, and ran a hand through his hair, tugging at the ends until it hurt. He checked again, but he was right. It wasn't there.

"What's up, Lo-Lo?" Finn asked, teasing grin on his face. His freckles were fading, and it was always a hard thing to see. "Tremz?" Logan blinked, found Finn frowning at him, brown eyes sharpening. "You okay?" Finn checked, a little uncertainly.     

"I forgot my hat." Logan said, and the irritation flashed hotly in his chest. He hadn't slept last night, because yesterday had been a shorter training and then Lars had banned him from running for another two weeks, and Logan could feel the cracks beginning to grow and spread and darken, compounded by his exhaustion. "For fucks sake." He swore, and slammed his bag loudly into his stall. He ignored the turning heads, biting his lip, hard. He was being stupid. He needed to focus.

They had an ice training, followed by weights, and Logan, stupidly-stupid-stupid- couldn't seem to figure out how to move because he'd forgotten his hat. Logan turned sharply, glad he was already in his kit, and ducked towards the gym.  

He ignored Finn's call, as he stalked away. It was almost time for warm up, anyway. Arthur could call him back, if he wanted to say something before they got started.  

"Hey, Tremz-" greeted Thomas, stood half blocking the doorway with Remus, and Logan ignored them both, run, run, run- and he realised it was either going to have to be the treadmill or he'd be running home from the rink, and ducked through the doorway. 

"Woah."  Remus said, sounding startled, and Logan realised too late that he'd knocked Remus, elbow clanging with dull pain. He whipped around, freezing, horrified at himself, and Thomas had an arm on Remus's shoulder, balancing him. Somehow Logan had walked through Remus, and not even noticed.  

"Merde, I'm sorry, sorry, Loops." Logan managed, throat tight, and Remus shrugged, rubbing his side with a small smile. 

"You're fine. Just clipped me." Thomas released him, giving Logan a confused look. "Hey," Remus's face creased with concern. "You alright, Tremz?" Remus raised an eyebrow. And for a moment, he looked so like Finn, it was just uncanny.

And then, almost as if Logan's very thoughts had conjured him, Finn appeared in the doorway. "Tremz?" Finn asked, cautiously, and Thomas and Remus looked between them. "You good?" 

"I'm sorry, Loops." Logan repeated, again, and he sounded weird. He couldn't look at Finn.  

"You're good, man." Remus frowned though, light brown eyes shining with concern. His freckles were disappearing too, and Logan clenched his hands into fists. "What's up?"    

And it was like when he'd been a PT, because Remus was using that same, soothing tone, and Logan could only shake his head. The concern was grating at him today. He was too tired. He hadn't slept. He needed to run.   

"Want to have a go on the bag with me, man?" Thomas offered, suddenly, and Finn made a low, anxious noise. "Loops was helping me tape my hands, for it. Good way to warm up for weights." Thomas's eyes were sharp, on Logan. 

"I can tape yours too." Remus offered, holding out the tape, the right tape, that's the right- and Logan was utterly frozen with indecision. "Tremz?" 

"D'accord." Logan said, strangled, not sure what he was agreeing to, and Finn shifted worriedly. 

"Lo-" it was soft, the warning. "Your fingers."

Logan remembered how he'd hurt himself, last time, with the bag. His fingers. He'd forgotten to tape them, had gone too hard. Logan flexed his hands, and then pressed them back against his sides, to disguise their shaking.  

"I'll watch him, man." Thomas offered, looking between them. "And we'll tape them." Thomas hesitated at the silence, and shot Remus a look, like he wasn't sure what they'd stepped in the middle of. Like he wasn't sure how to read them both. Logan still couldn't look at Finn. 

"I think that sounds good." Remus said, softly. "It should be fine for your knee." Logan flinched, and Remus's gaze sharpened. "And Lars okayed the bike?" It was probably half rhetorical, because Logan had been on the bike all week. But still, Logan forced a stiff nod. "Okay, great." Remus was so reassuring. "That's where I wanted to warm up, too."

Logan nodded automatically again, because he knew that Remus always warmed up on the bikes.  

"Let's go, then." Remus just started walking forward. And the decision was quite simply made for him, but it didn't seem to itch at him in the same way as it sometimes did, and Logan found himself automatically trailing behind Remus across the gym. "And then I can tape your fingers," it was almost coaxing, sing-song, repetitive, all of the things Remus had done for years to get Logan on side. "And then you can warm up properly with T on the bag. Alright?" 

"D'accord." Logan trailed after Remus to the bikes, and he can hear Finn and Thomas talking lowly behind them, but not what they're actually saying. They stop by the row of bikes, and Logan couldn't quite meet Remus's gaze, either. "Désolé, Loops."

"No reason to be sorry, man." Remus said simply, but he was watching Logan carefully. Remus usually warmed up on the bikes. Lars had said the bikes were okay. Logan's head was on fire because he'd forgotten his fucking hat. "Come on," Remus reached out to squeeze his shoulder, gently. "We'll figure it out. Yeah?"

"Ouais." 

And they did. 

The bikes helped a bit. And afterwards, Remus taped up his fingers carefully, mindful of his past injuries, and Thomas got him on the bag, and he was warm and sweating within minutes. But he could move, and shift, and put his weight behind it, and Thomas barely seemed to feel it, even bracing the bag as he was.    

Logan's head seemed to sort itself out, once his heart was thrumming hard. He joined Finn on the mats, after, quietly apologetic, and stretched out his knee. Leo joined them too, and neither of them mentioned his hat, or the nearly argument.  

The training was good, in the end. 

But it meant that Leo, Finn, Lars and Pascal were no longer the only ones that were worrying.  

Which was bad, too. Because it meant there were more people for Logan to avoid.  

"I'm sorry, Logan." Lars looked firm, though. "I think if you keep overdoing it outside of training, you'll tear this in a game. I'm worried." Lars watched him with worry. "That would be weeks of rehab, Logan." 

Logan bowed his head. He couldn't handle that. He couldn't. He knew he couldn't-

"We'll keep strengthening it. You need to be doing these every day, twice a day on non ice days."  

"D'accord. Can you please tell the others?" Logan said, dully. "I'll forget."

Lars nodded, simply. "Of course." 

"Merci." 

"I'm worried about Logan." Remus said simply, and Sirius ducked his chin. They'd talked and talked about it, this last week. But sitting here at the conference table, like this, Remus looked more like a PT than a player. And it sounded so official. "He seems to be having trouble in meetings again, and at certain practices, too." 

Lars and Arthur shared a quick look, but they both nodded. Neither of them appeared surprised, and Sirius relaxed, a fraction.

"We've noticed." Arthur said, and Sirius was relieved to hear no judgement in his voice. "But he still seems to be managing well enough, 85% of the time, so I haven't brought it up with him."   

"I know." Remus nodded. "But things seem to be getting worse."  Arthur frowned worriedly. "I don't know exactly why, but it all seems to be getting harder for him." Remus frowned to himself. "I thought maybe the change of schedule from last year, with the ice-time." It was said without judgement, and Sirius agreed they needed more ice time this year to figure some shit out, but maybe that was it. Logan liked his routine. 

"Could be contributing." Moody muttered, but glanced at Lars. "Though you suggested something else." 

Lars sighed, nodding. He admitted, "He's not been able to run, outside of practice." Lars shook his head slightly. "I'm actually wondering whether that's how he strained his knee, to begin with."

Remus's eyes widened, in sudden understanding, and Lars nodded at him. 

"And then I said no running," Lars' face twisted, clearly irritated at himself. "And within a few weeks, we've got things happening like that day with his knee-" Lars shot a quick warning look between Remus and Sirius, who both nodded.

Remus still technically had his license, so he was bound by his confidentiality, and Sirius needed to know, as Captain, but wouldn't ever say a word.

Lars continued, "He slipped and hurt his knee, but it was still only a strain. Mainly I was worried because he seemed so overstimulated. It took an hour or two for him to come down." Sirius winced. "Which is the worst I've seen it, or Pascal, from what he said." Lars finished, glancing at Moody, who nodded.   

"Sounds a lot worse than I've seen him." He agreed, gruffly.

"Same." Remus murmured, and tapped his fingers fretfully. 

"He needs some help." Sirius said, softly. But he met Arthur's gaze evenly. "But as his Captain, I want to say that I've never seen his symptoms interfere with his game." 

"I agree." Remus nodded instantly, entirely supportive. "Never that I've noticed. He's been fantastic, this season."

"I agree. He's one of our top scorers, and that hasn't changed this year from last. He's even better again, this year, which is exactly where we want him. None of this is at all a concern for his place on this team," Arthur said, firmly, and Sirius relaxed a little. "But if he's struggling this year, for whatever reason, and I've certainly noticed at team meetings and with certain practices-"  Arthur sighed. "Well, I'm worried, and I want to help him as much as we can." 

"We need to figure something out." Lars agreed, and the pair traded a look. Then they looked, as one, to Remus. Lars dipped his head, almost deferentially. "Any thoughts, Remus?"  

Remus sighed, biting his lip. "There's a bit here that I'm obligated not to share." He said, softly. Still tapping his fingers, he glanced at Lars. "We could have a conversation, but I think it might be better if Logan shared it with you directly." Remus frowned slightly, but nodded. "I can speak  with him."   

"I think that would be good." Lars nodded and, to Sirius's relief, didn't looking offended. "We're getting there, slowly, but it's taking time." Remus nodded, easily. "And," Lars cleared his throat. "What would you suggest, in the meantime?" 

"I thought I'd try and catch him about the headphones he used to wear, at the very start." Remus suggested, and Arthur nodded. He'd worn a small speaker for a while, which could connect up to specific headphones Logan had occasionally worn. But Logan hadn't requested them, or seemed to need them, in years. Remus sighed. "And about everything else, too."  

"Thank you, Remus." Lars smiled faintly. "I appreciate your help."

"Of course." Remus smiled back, just as faintly. "I had a lot more time to figure Logan out than you have, Lars. And he clearly already trusts you a lot. He's being honest about his knee." 

Lars looked pleased, nodding. "Thank you, Remus."  

Sirius shifted, and everyone looked at him. For a moment, he struggled to find the words. But in the end he just said simply, "And I'll have a word with the boys, as well." Everyone nodded.  

"I don't know, Cap." Finn said, pacing anxiously. Sirius had closed the kitchen door, and Remus had signalled he'd keep an eye on Logan at the weights for a bit longer. "He's not really talking." He ran a hand through his hair, stopping abruptly. "He was better." Finn glanced at Sirius anxiously. "Over summer, he was so great. But he was struggling without a routine, and we both knew, so we tried to help but-" Finn stopped again, frustration clear. He was so good with his words, normally, but right now he was struggling too, exhaustion tugging at him. He had deep bags beneath his eyes. 

Sirius just waited, calmly, leaning back against the side. "Take your time, Finn." He said, softly, and Finn nodded.   

"Yeah, yeah, thank you." Finn sucked in a breath, and exhaled roughly. "I know he's playing great, which is great, for sure, but also, I don't really know how to help him outside of hockey." Finn shook his head. "Some days he's great, he's on fire, almost every game day is brilliant, with him." But Finn turned weakly to Sirius. "And then other days, we find him still standing in the shower after forty five minutes, practically burning his skin it's running so hot, because he can't figure out how to move to get out."  

"Merde." Sirius couldn't help but say, wincing, and Finn just nodded, "Exactly, Cap. And I can't, I don't know how to help him."

"You'll be helping him," Sirius tried, quietly. "You'll be helping just by being there."  

"Leo's freaking out." Finn said, instead of acknowledging that, and shook his head. He moved to lean back against beside Sirius, and glanced over. "Can you please talk to him as well?" 

"Remus is going to. But yeah, of course I can." Sirius observed Finn carefully, the bags under his eyes that this close really did seem to be growing to match the size of Logan's. "Are you guys sleeping?" 

"Together?" Finn joked, but his grin faded away almost instantly. "Yeah, no, Logan is really restless. He can't fall asleep, really." Finn swallowed. "And, like, the other side of things," he shifted, restlessly, and they were so similar sometimes Sirius could have squinted, and it would look like Logan shuffling in front of him. "That's fine. Better than fine, we're so, so good," he looked desperate, for Sirius to believe him. Sirius hummed, quietly, and Finn rushed on, "We're so fucking good. And game days, and game nights," Finn actually flushed, a bit. "He's himself. He's so himself."  

Sirius remembered the game they'd had two days before, winning by three, two goals which had come from an utterly set Logan, with Finn's assists.  

Finn shook his head, weakly. "But then, we go to sleep, and everything's fine, but when I wake up, he's all, he's just, all over again, he's-" Finn swallowed. "And then he'll sit on the couch for three hours, because he wants to do his laundry." Finn held out his hands, helpless. "And I'm usually good at this." He gazes at Sirius desperately. "I'm good at helping him, I swear."

"I believe you, Finn." Sirius said, because he'd seen it. Time and time again.

"Like," Finn ran a hand through his messy hair. "Like, starting tasks with him, it used to be easy. And Leo's good at it too, and we both know about the body doubling, how to encourage him without pissing him off, and I did all that fucking research back at school-" Finn's voice cracked, and Sirius abruptly reached out, tugging him in for a hug.    

"It's alright, Finn." Sirius exhaled. "You're alright." 

"But he's not." Finn said, weakly, and suddenly sagged in his grip. Sirius held him tightly, silently cursing himself for not doing it sooner. Finn needed a grounding touch almost as much as Logan, some days.

It took a minute or two, for Finn to pull away. Sirius tried his best to feel solid even though his thoughts were swirling, and eventually, he felt Finn relax. He let Finn pull back first, though. "Go on, man." Sirius coaxed, once he was calm again, and Finn nodded.   

"I'm sorry, for rambling," Finn shook his head. "But I think I need to get it out." Finn swallowed. "He shouted at Leo, the other night." He sounded rough, and Sirius actually startled. "We've been arguing, on and off, bickering," Finn sounded confused. "But he shouted at Leo."

Merde, Sirius thought, trying to hide his worry. 

Finn just stared at Sirius, bewildered. "He never does that. And it was because Leo did his laundry for him." Finn looked utterly lost, and so young. "I just, they made up within an hour, and Lo apologised properly, but he could only do it after he went for a run. It was like 8pm, Cap." Finn looked at him earnestly. "8pm before a morning skate, and he went for an hour's long run, and he's not even meant to be running." Finn shook his head weakly. "And his knee was alright, and when he was back, he was so good. He was so happy, again. And Leo forgave him, and it was all fine."   

"But he's not okay." Sirius summarised, because Logan had looked pale and stressed after their training, and Finn shook his head. 

"I don't really think he is." Finn's head bowed. "And I don't know how to help him." Finn looked up with glassy eyes. "He can't run, because he hurts himself. But if he doesn't run, he-" Finn cut himself off, and Sirius sighed.   

"He hurts himself in other ways." He finished, softly, and Finn nodded. "Alright, Finn." Sirius reached out to grip his shoulder calmly. "Thank you for telling me. We'll going to figure it out, figure out how to help him." Sirius said it confidently enough that Finn relaxed, a fraction. "We're going to figure it out. You guys definitely aren't alone, here." And he drew Finn back in for another tight, even longer, hug.  

"He shouted at me." Leo said, sounding strangely calm. He looked at Sirius evenly across the table, then glanced at Remus too. "He argues, he bitches," Sirius smiled faintly, but it faded all too quickly. "And he complains in French at Finn." Leo shook his head. "But he doesn't ever shout at me."   

"We know he's struggling more, this year." Remus said, softly. "We've all noticed. When do you think it started?"

"I think he's been struggling more since summer," Leo shifted a little, but straightened. "But you remember when he first did his knee, about a month ago?" Leo frowned, corrected himself carefully. "Like, three and a bit weeks ago?"

Sirius nodded. 

"He hurt it again like the week after, and he flipped out, out of nowhere." Leo shook his head. "Or at least, out of nowhere for me." Leo gazed at them, looking so young with his worry. "I've never seem him that overstimulated. He had to wear ear plugs in the shower, and only Pascal could settle him down, but it took over an hour and a half, before Pascal text us that we could come in."

Sirius frowned, trading a worried look with Remus. They hadn't had any more details from Lars, and Pascal had expressed his own worry, but not told them the specifics.  

"And he still can't run." Leo bit his lip. "And he's flipping from needing to be, like, between us," Leo flushed a bit. "Not like that, but like, needing us," and Sirius nodded, understanding. "To needing space. And he just, he can't say when it's happening. So we keep getting it wrong."

"Oh, Leo." Remus's brow crinkled with worry. "You're doing your best."

"Yeah," Leo chewed at his lip more firmly, and Sirius frowned with worry, watching him. "But, it's not enough, you know?" He looked between them helplessly. "Like, we talked about it," Leo shook his head sharply, and corrected himself, "We tried to talk about it, on a better day. A game day. Because game days are always good." Leo swallowed. "But even though he kind of talked about it then, he still can't do it, when it gets bad again." He looked imploringly at Sirius. "And he's not sleeping. And Finn's not sleeping cause he's so worried, and I'm barely sleeping because they're not sleeping." Leo shook his head. "Lo is still pushing himself too hard outside of training, and he's sore." He looked at them, with a touch of guilt around his mouth. "He's snuck out for a few runs."

"Shoot." Remus murmured, frowning at Sirius with concern. "I thought he'd stopped." 

"Yeah, no." Leo shook his head. "Sometimes he's a bit better when Thomas gets him to use the bag or when he goes on the bike with you, Remus, but I'm worried about his hands, and he just-" Leo cut himself off, biting his lip. His eyes were starting to shine, a little.    

Remus reached across the table, and squeezed Leo's hand. "You're not alone here, Leo." He said it so calmly and firmly that Leo actually slumped. "Logan's struggling at the moment, for sure." Leo nodded, desperately, squeezing their hands together even more tightly. "But it's not on you to try and fix it all, okay? He needs some help, and we're going to help him figure it out." Remus lowered his head a little, watching Leo kindly. "You can be there for him as much as you can," Remus squeezed Leo's hand gently. "But you both need to sleep too, and you need to have some time for yourself, as well." 

"But how are we meant to have time for ourselves without him, though?" Leo asked, sounding so very young, and Sirius closed his eyes, for a moment. 

And then he looked at Leo, as evenly as he could. "I'm going to talk to Dumo, and I'll talk to Logan too. Alright? And we're going to go from there. We'll keep taking it one day at a time. We're going to help him, and you. Okay?"    

Leo sagged in relief. "Alright." He breathed. "Thank you, Cap." He looked at Sirius with such gratitude, and then at Remus, too. "And thank you too, Remus."  

Remus smiled gently. "Of course, Leo." 

"You're not alone, in this." Sirius said firmly, and stood to clear the plates. "And I'll ring Dumo tonight, figure out a plan to talk to Logan. We'll figure it out." Sirius paused, and Leo gazed up at him gratefully. "You're not alone, Leo." 

Chapter Text

"Come in." Pascal smiled gently. Logan slipped past him with a sense of relief. Everything in this house was familiar to him, and he glanced at the door that lead to the basement with a sense of odd displacement. "Everyone is out." Pascal said, as he closed the door after Remus. "How are you both?" 

"Good, thanks Dumo." Remus smiled, and pulled his beanie off. It left his hair in a delightfully sweet mess, and Logan had the sudden thought that Sirius would be sad to have missed it. 

They both glanced at Logan, who froze. 

"How are you, mon fils?" Pascal asked, more gently. 

"Ouais," Logan reached up and ran a hand through his hair, wishing he'd remembered his cap. "I'm okay, thanks." 

"D'accord." Pascal murmured, but they paused, staring at each other.

"Um," Remus glanced uncertainly between them. "Mind if I go to the bathroom?"

Pascal nodded immediately, gesturing, and then it was just them. 

"I should've taken a photo of his hair," Logan said, slipping into French with relief. "For Sirius." 

"Maybe." Pascal smiled a little. "How are you, Logan?" 

"I'm alright." He wasn't, not really. He looked down, flexing his hands. "Itchy." 

"Okay." Pascal responded, softly. "That's okay, Logan."

"I know why I'm here, why Remus is here," Logan shifted, restlessly. "But I'm just, I'm worried that-" he shook his head. 

Pascal slipped closer, and held his shoulder warmly. "Why are you worried?" 

"That," Logan hesitated. "That I won't be able to explain, right." He gazed up at Pascal searchingly, looking between his steady eyes. 

"Just be honest, my son." Pascal murmured. "Be honest, and that is all we need you to be, today." 

"He was this really cool kid. We were good mates." Logan looked down at his hands. "And then one day he came back to school, and he kind of just-" his fingers curled tightly. "He kind of just, wasn't himself, anymore." Logan heard his voice crack, and swallowed roughly. Pascal's hand tightened around his shoulders. "My parents knew him, and they were so shocked, and they've, they've never let me-" Logan cut himself off, brutally, and closed his eyes. "They never thought it was a good idea." Logan corrected himself, and looked at Remus weakly. "And they know I'm fine, that I'm good, as long as I can run." 

"But Logan," Remus's voice was low, calm. "You're already training seven times a week, and playing NHL hockey games, and doing weights, and doing everything else that's involved in this job." 

"Ouais, I know." Logan nodded weakly. "But I'm not running." It was plaintive, almost. 

"Because right now," Remus shook his head. "And maybe not ever, your body isn't going to be able to handle the strain." Remus said, softly. "Because nobody's body ever really could, on top of everything else." Logan looked down at his hands, twisting on the table. "I don't want you facing injuries, Tremz." Remus said it gently, and Pascal's arm tightened in place. "None of us do. But I'm worried that might be what's coming, if you keep pushing yourself to the point of exhaustion." Remus eyed him. "Which I think is what the running is about, if I'm honest." 

Logan flinched, because that was a little too direct, and he wasn't- "But I'm not-" he was interrupted, before he could even start. 

"I asked honesty of you, mon fils." Pascal reminded him, softly, and Logan exhaled roughly. They were sat in Pascal's kitchen, and the house was weirdly empty and quiet, but Logan stubbornly shook his head. 

"But it's not what I'm-" yet he trailed off. And under Remus's steady gaze, beneath Pascal's warm arm, Logan stared at his hands and forced himself to think about it. Within seconds, eyes closing, he could see it. He didn't want to, but he forced himself to acknowledge it. "Maybe." He breathed, ducking his head. "Maybe I am doing that." 

"Yeah." Remus watched him quietly, sympathy clear. "And I can understand why you have to do it, Tremz. But I don't think pushing yourself to breaking point," his eyes flicked down, towards the table, beneath which Logan was having to rest with his knee up, again. "Is going to get you anywhere, in the long term."

Logan shook his head, frightened at the thought his only method of coping wouldn't be enough. "But I'm still not sure, about, like-" he trailed off, weakly, medication. Even the word was hard, for him.  

"I would never push you to do something you don't want to do, Tremz. Ever." Remus said firmly, and Logan trusted him so much. That was why he was the one here, in Pascal's house. Because they both trusted him enough, for this. "Look, I've had a few friends go down this path. Can I tell you about them?" It was always a choice, with Remus.

Logan, unhappily, nodded. His gut tightened though, remembering Jackson's personality flip. 

"I had one friend go on medication at university, and a friend at school too." Remus tilted his head. "My friend at school, there wasn't much change that I noticed. At least from the outside." Remus smiled gently. "But I was a kid." Logan tried not to flinch, at the word, change. "But I can tell you that my good friend at university seemed a lot happier." He smiled, faintly. "He stopped drinking so much, he stopped overdoing the caffeine-" Logan winced. "And he could finally figure out a schedule that worked for him and his study, rather than staying up all night before an exam." Logan hid another wince. "He figured a lot out." Remus smiled gently. "And I saw him again, about two years ago, when we were in Vegas." 

"How was he?" Logan asked, a little nervous to hear. 

"He was good. He's always so open about stuff." Remus smiled fondly. "He used to play hockey." His smile became a little nostalgic, a hint of sadness around his eyes. "We played hockey together." Remus corrected himself, and Logan noted the habit there, sadly. "He didn't need the meds on a game day, but on a planning day," Remus nodded, without judgement or amusement. "To stay in his stall, he needed them." Remus shrugged, casually.

He was so casual, talking about it. Part of Logan wanted to look around the room, and make sure his parents weren't suddenly going to appear behind them.

"We had another teammate too, who was diagnosed late, at University." Remus continued. "He used his every day, but didn't really need them over the summer." 

"Oh." Logan blinked, startled out of his thoughts. "I didn't realise that would, like," he tried to swallow back his nerves. "I guess I didn't realise that would be an option. To only use them sometimes."

"Yeah, seems like it is." Remus nodded easily. "I've had a few friends, and I've done a bit of research, as well. There seems to be a lot of options." He quirked a smile. "I'm not an expert, and I can't give you advice." Logan motioned him on, eager for more information now. "But from what I've read, some people like certain types, other people like different ones, and sometimes they stay on them forever, or use them while it's hard then never again, or just once a week, or any other sort of combination out there." 

"Oh." Logan breathed. His world view felt like it was rearranging with a clunk, inside his head. "So, they're a bit helpful, for most people?"

"I think for more than a bit for most of them, Tremz." Remus smiled gently. "I asked Greg about his experience again, recently, although I didn't name any names of course." Remus was so kind. "I just said I had a friend, struggling." Remus extended a piece of paper towards Logan. "He wanted me to pass along his number, and his email, if my friend ever wanted to talk about any of it."

"That's very kind." Pascal murmured, and Logan nodded, a little stunned. After a moment though, he accepted the little note and tucked it carefully into his palm. 

"He told me about the first time he took them."

Remus looked a little cautious, but Logan nodded. He wanted to hear this, now.

"Well he said, for the first time ever, that he could hear his own thoughts." Logan actually startled. "And that it was weirdly quiet, in his head." Remus smiled a little, before it faded. "And he could suddenly reply to all of his emails." His expression changed, a little, to something sad. "And clean out his fridge."

Logan swallowed.

"And then he said he sat on the floor and cried, for a while." Remus's voice was low, and Logan felt his eyes begin to burn. "Because it was suddenly all so easy. And he never knew it was possible. That it could be easy."  

Logan lifted his fist to his forehead, rubbing there firmly, trying to ground himself. 

Because it was suddenly all so easy. 

"Oh, mon fils," Pascal leaned in, and Logan ducked into the safety of his neck, hiding his upset. Pascal held him tightly, and Logan just- he just couldn't imagine talking to his parents about this. His parents had always been so nervous, so worried for him, about trying any medication.

If he exercises, he's fine- his Father had firmly denied any need, and his teachers had traded frustrated looks, and Logan had forced himself to run further, and try harder, and focus. 

Harvard, you're going to Harvard- and his Father had been so happy, for him. All on your own, I knew you could do it- and Logan had tried so desperately hard to hide how difficult it had all been. 

"I'll talk with my psychiatrist, then." Logan decided, abruptly. He looked down, turning his head towards Pascal though not quite able to meet his gaze. He admitted lowly, "I don't think I can keep going as I am." Logan swallowed, looked up, knowing his eyes would be glassy. "And if they think it's a good idea," his stomach fluttered with nerves. "Then I'll try them. And see if they help, on-" bad, "Less good days."     

"That all sounds really great, Tremz." Remus smiled at him gently. "And we'll all be here if you need anything, okay? And if you decide against it, after trying them, or if you decide they're not for you, then at least you can tick that box, you know?"

"Ouais." Logan nodded. "And," he hesitated, cheeks flushing. "And the headphones you said too, maybe." 

Remus just nodded easily. "I'll let Arthur know, he said it's no problem. He'll wear it all the time, and you can just use them when you want to." Remus watched him a little more carefully. "I doubt anyone will even notice, but if they do, they won't care. They'll be pleased, if it's helping you." 

"Ouais." Logan murmured, tired. 

It was silent for a moment, and Logan took a deep, slow breath. 

"Do you want some tea, Remus?" Pascal offered suddenly, and Remus agreed, and the pair of them stood and moved into the kitchen. It gave Logan some much needed moments to sort through some things. He looked down at his phone, scrolling through his contacts, and for a few seconds, Logan hovered over his Father's contact. And then abruptly he flicked down, and hit, Fish. 

"Hello, hello?" Finn greeted, sounding cheerful, though he gave himself away by picking up before the second ring. 

"Hi." Logan felt almost shy. The others had waved him off with worried expressions when Remus had swung by to pick him up, and they'd both known why he was coming here. "How are you?"

"We're really good. Missing you, though." Finn was smiling, Logan could hear it. "How are you?" He'd softened a little, voice lowering. 

"Ouais," Logan sagged a little in his chair. "We've talked. It was," Nice? Hard? Easy? "Okay? I think."

"Alright." Finn hesitated. "Do you want us to come?" 

Logan closed his eyes. "Ouais, please." He swallowed. "Will you come, please?" 

"We're leaving now." Finn said immediately, but chuckled a little. "We both already had our shoes on. We've been waiting for you to call."

Logan closed his eyes, pressing the phone harder against his ear. "I love you. Both of you, so much." Logan managed, and then he was standing, pacing towards the patio doors and out. He pushed through, ignoring the sudden worried silence from the kitchen, and stepped out into the large garden with relief.

It was cold, but he took a deep breath for the first time since the start of their conversation, and blinked up at the light grey clouds above. "Can I tell you about it?"  

"We'd love to hear." Finn sounded warm. "We love you too, Lo, so much. Hang on, let me put you on speaker-"  a soft crackle, and Leo's voice made Logan close his eyes with sudden want. 

"Hi, Lo," Leo sounded a little more anxious than Finn. "How're you doing, love?" 

"Better." Logan said, and bounced up on his toes. "Still a bit, um," he hesitated. The conversation had been good, but he'd been sat for a while, and his head was burning with the need to move. If he didn't know the kitchen window gave such an excellent view of the garden, he might be tempted to run a few laps. 

"Itchy?" Leo offered, when he failed to continue. Leo had translated that word earlier for Logan, too. 

"Yes, exactly." Logan began walking again, heading towards the fence, knowing this garden so well that he barely had to think about it to avoid the obstacles. "Yes, but better, maybe. I think," he paused. "I think we have a plan, now." 

"Yeah?" There was such hope, in Leo's voice. 

Logan paused. "I am so sorry, to have worried you." He stumbled a little, over the English. He and Pascal had been speaking so much French, today.   

"Please don't, love." Finn murmured, and there was the noise of movement, and a door closing. "You don't need to say sorry. Not about this."

"But I am." Logan said, helplessly. "I thought I am okay." Logan closed his eyes. "Merde, sorry. I thought I was okay."  

"We know, Lo. But you don't need to apologise." Leo was gentle. "Can you tell us about your plan? We've been worried, because it's only going to get busier, maybe, in a few weeks." 

If they kept winning. Logan tugged at his necklace, restlessly. "Ouais, I know." He exhaled, turned back towards the house. He instantly spotted Pascal peering out at him, and raised a reassuring hand.  

Logan told them all of it. He was so honest it itched, but he was honest, and they were driving and mostly quiet, but utterly supportive. "So, I thought, at least to ask her, about the options."

"That sounds really good, love." There was obvious relief, in Leo's voice. 

"Alex's best friend at school had ADHD, and he was medicated." Finn sounded fond. "He was still super forgetful with his belongings." 

"Finn-" Leo sounded cautious, but Logan just laughed. 

"Ah, well. Maybe not a miracle, then, eh?" And Logan laughed a little more, smiling up at the sky. 

Finn instantly said, "You don't need a miracle, baby. You just need some help, I think."

Logan nodded, sighing. "I think so, too." He could hear his accent more strongly than he had in a long time.   

As if he'd somehow read Logan's mind, Leo hummed. "You sound so good, baby." He murmured, softly, and Logan inhaled roughly. 

"I miss you." He said, simply. "Are you coming?"

"We're not far away." Finn said, and he sounded a little shaky. "We're coming, Lo. We'll come pick you up, take you home. We're free until tomorrow morning, right? We can talk."  

"Ouais." But Logan stretched it out, and Finn swore softly. 

"We're meant to be having an adult talk, about adult things, and supporting you right now." Finn said, but he sounded like he was focusing very hard on his words, all clipped and sharp. Logan smirked. It meant Finn was turned on, when he sounded like that.  

"Hurry?" Logan asked, soft and sweet, and Finn swore, and Logan smiled, hearing the sound of the car rev loudly in the background.  

His psychiatrist wrote calmly, and Logan found himself spilling it all to her, in rapid French. It was strange, doing this across a screen, but he knew her well enough now that he didn't expect much back, and found himself talking, and talking, and talking. 

And once he ran out of things to say, she just nodded. "It's sounding like you need some more support, then, right now. Particularly given you are already doing all the right things, with your diet and," she smiled faintly. "Your exercise, of course." 

"Yeah, I think so." Logan agreed, relieved she thought so.

"Well," she glanced at her notes, and then looked at him steadily. "As I've said before, there are a number of different options out there-" something flashed across her face briefly, but Logan spotted it. "We usually start with stimulant medications."

He'd always felt a bit of disapproval from her, that his parents had been so staunchly negative regarding medication.

"And there are certainly several we can talk about trialling, today." She smiled faintly. "I know you're very active, and I wouldn't necessarily recommend these stimulants on top of a game day given the impact on your cardiovascular system, regardless of the NHL rules."

Logan tensed, shit, he hadn't thought of that.

But she only paused briefly, before nodding. "I imagine you'll need a Therapeutic Use Exemption, but until that's sorted, you could try them on a break day or a training day, as a trial, and see how they affect you." Logan swallowed nervously, but in the end, nodded.   

Everything seemed to happen really rather quickly, from there. And then he was signing off, with another quick thank you, and sitting back, staring blankly at Leo's computer. 

It took another fifteen minutes for him to realise that he was still slumped at the desk, and another five before he could force himself up.  

Finn looked up from his book immediately, when Logan emerged into the living room. "How was it?" He asked, and Logan ignored the question, navigating towards him through instinct before collapsing down on top of Finn, heavily. "Oof." Finn murmured, but didn't complain, and wrapped him up tightly. "That good, huh?" He was so gentle.

Logan tucked his head in below Finn's ear, and nodded. 

"I've decided I'm going to try them."  Logan said, nervously. He rushed on, not wanting to see her response. "But can you not tell Mum and Dad, though? They were never," he hesitated. "They were never on board. And if they don't work, then I don't want to have caused drama for nothing." 

"Of course, Lo." Noelle nodded calmly. "They really helped a friend of mine here, though she doesn't take them on game days." She quirked a smile. "Quite a few neurodivergents in this space, I guess." 

Logan let out a relieved little laugh. "Maybe, yeah."  

"I think it's really good, Lo." But Noelle watched him, a little sadly, through the screen. "I'm so sorry you're struggling though, at the moment." 

Logan stared down at his hands. "The Lions are everything." He said, softly. "It's been going really, really well." He swallowed, because Noelle was nodding. She knew, of course. "But it's everything else. I, even living with the boys, I feel like I'm constantly playing catch up. And I can't do it without running, and with my knee," Logan trailed off, weakly. 

"That's alright, Lo." Noelle was so utterly without judgement. "It's whatever helps you now. Okay? That's all that matters." 

"Thank you." 

"You sure?" Finn offered, easily. They were sat outside the pharmacist. Logan was clutching the small sheet in his hand.  

"Ouais." Logan nodded, but he knew he sounded nervous. He'd picked a pharmacy slightly further away from the rink, with the hope that he wouldn't be recognised. "Ouias, I'll be in and out." And he ducked across the console because the street was practically empty, and kissed Finn's cheek. Finn smiled at him sweetly, pleased, and Logan flashed him a small smile in turn. "Be right back."

"Ah, allo." Logan could hear how strong his accent was, and flushed, but the pharmacist only looked up kindly.  

"Hi, darlin'." She smiled, waiting patiently, and Logan hesitated. The script was in his hand. He needed to pass it over. That was all, that was- "Have you got a script for me there, hmm?"

"Ah, ouais." Logan nodded, and blinked. "Sorry, um, yes." He extended it out, and she took it gently from his hand.  

"Thanks, darlin'." She had a kind, rolling accent. Finn would probably be able to tell him where it was from, but Logan's thoughts were racing too much to try and think about it. There was someone behind him. What if he was recognised?

"Did you want to wait?" She'd scanned the paper, and smiled at him. There was no judgement on her face, and he relaxed a fraction. "It'll be about five or ten minutes." 

"Ah, yes please, then." Logan hovered awkwardly, ducking his face, cap facing forwards today to help him hide. He turned, ducking past the other man waiting, and started pacing the aisles. 

Lions Winger scandal - needs a pill to even try and do his laundry!

Logan cringed away from the stupid, hurtful headline he'd created, and twisted in place. He looked at where he was standing, and blinked. He was in the feminine hygiene aisle, and someone was waiting to step past. "Sorry." He murmured, and stepped out of their way. 

Lions winger scandal - who was Logan Tremblay failing to buy tampons for?

Logan rubbed his forehead tiredly. Maybe he should give up and just go back to bed. 

But they had an otherwise empty day, today, and a board meeting later, and Logan had thought about maybe trying it, because it was kind of a perfect opportunity, and-

"Darlin'?" Called a voice, and he looked up. The pharmacist smiled sweetly, and waved him over. There were two other people waiting near the counter, now, but she hadn't called out his name. "Can we step this way for just a moment-" and she guided him towards a small little room, not quite closing the door but lowering her voice kindly. "Have you taken these before?" 

Logan shook his head, mutely.

She nodded, calmly. "I'll talk you through it then, darlin'." And she did.  

Logan returned to the car feeling a little stunned, bag in his hand, nobody else any the wiser what he'd just walked out with. 

"Alright?" Finn asked, bracingly, and Logan nodded automatically, shutting the door as quietly as he could. 

"Ouais." And then he stared uselessly out the window, as Finn started the car and began to reverse. 

Finn's hand crept across the console once they were on the main road again, and Logan swallowed, curling there fingers together. "You will tell me," Logan stumbled over the English, but Finn was patient. 

"What will I tell you?"

"If," Logan didn't know how to say how terrified he was, that he'd lose himself because of the small, white pills sat now on his lap. "If I am not myself." 

Finn was silent, until they came to a light, and Logan turned to watch him anxiously. Finn frowned at him, looking confused. "I mean, sure." Finn tilted his head. "But you'll be able to tell me though, if you don't feel like yourself." He sounded genuinely confused, and Logan sagged. How Finn always managed to say the right thing, he didn't know. 

"Ouias," he croaked, and squeezed their hands together. "Thank you, Fish." 

"Of course." Finn squeezed back, gently. "Do you still want to try them today, then?" Finn asked, eyes flicking down to the paper bag, and back up as the lights changed.  

"Maybe." But Logan looked away, and meant, yes. 

Logan sat on the couch, staring at the small amber pottle on the table, and drink bottle beside it. 

"Lo," Finn murmured. "If you've changed your mind, then that's fine, love."

"Non." And maybe Finn did it by accident, or maybe he just knew Logan well enough to do it on purpose. But the slight thread of doubt in Finn's voice was enough of a challenge.

Logan reached out, shook out a single pill, glanced at the time on Finn's phone, and with a gulp of water, swallowed it. 

They both sat there in silence for a moment, and then Finn laughed. "So, will you do my laundry too?" And Logan smacked him, but he laughed, too. 

Finn reached out, drawing Logan down easily to lie across his chest. "Inside day?" And his tone had changed into something delightfully distracting, and Logan let himself be delightfully distracted, for the half hour it took for Leo to arrive home. 

"Hi, loves-" Leo called, and peered around the doorframe. Logan popped up above the couch, smirking, and Finn groaned beneath him. "Oh," Leo cocked his hip on the frame, scanning Logan's flushed face and mussed hair. "Hello." 

"Allo." Logan smiled, accent beautifully strong, and Leo grinned. 

"Inside day, is it?" 

Because they still had the rest of the morning, before the long planning afternoon that was being held. Leo carefully didn't ask, but he spotted the pottle on the table as he walked to kneel down beside them, and Finn inclined his head very slightly when Leo glanced at him. 

Logan leaned in to kiss him, and then cheerfully moved to kiss Leo's neck, making him inhale shakily. Finn ran a hand up Logan's back. But with his other hand, only visible to Leo, he held up a single finger, and then curled it over to half. 

Half an hour ago, Leo translated, and ducked to kiss Logan warmly. "I missed you." He breathed, and Logan smiled at him sweetly, green eyes shining. 

"I missed you too, Beurré." 

"How was breakfast?" Finn asked, propping himself up on an elbow, and Logan abruptly ground down his hips, making his breath catch. 

"Lo-"

"I'm sat on your lap." Logan tossed his head back indignantly, hair flying, and Finn's breath caught. "You really want to ask Leo what he had to eat?"  

Leo laughed, enjoying the show. "It was waffles. It was yum, and totally not on my food plan."

"I'm glad for you." Logan smiled sweetly, and looked down at Finn expectantly. "Aren't you glad, Fish?" 

"So glad." Finn managed, and then swore, softly, as Logan twitched his hips, again. "Thought you wanted a quiet day, Lo." He tried to tease, but his voice cracked on Lo, and Logan gave Leo a smug look.  

"I thought you liked it when I am not so quiet." And Logan's accent was curling around his words in a way that Leo knew Finn adored just as much as he did, and both of them fell towards him as if magnetised.

A good hour later, once they'd all dragged themselves apart and then back together again to shower and Logan had found the clothes that Finn had been hiding from him, Leo moved to settle down with his laptop and headphones, and Finn followed with a book.

Logan was about to follow them, when he spotted his bag by the door. He'd meant to pack it earlier, but had obviously forgotten. Without really thinking about it, he picked it up and dragged it through to their room. Well, he knelt down beside it, he'd been meaning to clear it out. He'd found half a banana in there, the other day. 

He ended up tipping the bag upside down, glad he was finally finding the time, and repacked it, chucking all the rubbish out in the bedroom bin. He spotted his cap on the bedside table once he was done, and he chucked it in. His skates, last, and then his trainers by the bag. He left it ready by the door, and then paused. Well, he might as well stretch. He was still quite warm from the shower, and tidying some tape into the side pocket of his bag had reminded him, so Logan settled back on the floor easily. 

He fished out the band from where he'd found it in his bag, and stretched out to do his exercises, relieved he'd be able to tell Lars the truth, for once. 

"Lo?" Called a voice, and Logan looked up. He was listening to quiet music with one airpod in.  

"Ouais?" He called, leaning into his stretch a little more. The band was actually letting him do it properly for once. 

"You okay?" Finn leaned in the doorway, looking curious. "You fancy some lunch?" 

Logan blinked. "Is it lunch already?" He frowned at the time of his phone, startled, but shrugged. "Oh, ouais. I'll just finish these." He smiled up at Finn. "I won't be long." He only had another few reps to do. 

"You're-" Finn blinked at him. "Are you stretching?" 

"Ouais." Logan murmured, leaning into the next one with a wince. "Hopefully Lars will be pleased." He was hopeful, though. "It definitely feels less sore." 

"Great." Finn blinked. "And," he was talking slowly, but it didn't seem to itch at Logan, in the same way it normally would. "You found your band." Finn blinked again. "Which you're, using?" 

"Found it in my bag." Logan said, dismissively. "It's easier to use than the door frame." He flashed Finn another look, who still seemed a bit quiet. "Are you okay, Fish?"  

Finn blinked, and straightened, a sudden grin appearing on his face. "I'm grand. I'm so great, you have no idea." He ducked forward, crouching to kiss Logan's cheeks. Logan laughed, waving him off, and Finn kissed him once more on the lips. "We're going to make you lunch."

"I'm not that hungry." Logan shrugged, but thought of the long afternoon ahead, and smiled gratefully. "But sure, thank you." 

"Of course." Finn rocked back on his heels, and his eyes were wide. "I'm sorry to interrupt your stretching." There was an odd weight, to his words, but when Logan looked up, Finn just grinned again.  

"You're fine, Fish." Logan smiled, a little bemused. "I'll be out soon."

Logan remembered lunch, and appeared just as Leo was plating up their sandwiches. "Hey," he greeted, and Finn beamed at him. "Thanks for cooking." 

"Hi!" Finn greeted him, and drew Logan into an impromptu slow dance, tucking his hands around Logan's waist.

"Hi." Leo leaned in, grinning just as widely, and kissed Logan too. 

Logan hummed, and Leo pressed up against his back, as he finished the last plate =. "D'accord?" 

"Yeah." He could hear that Leo was smiling, lips brushing his neck lightly, cheerfully. "You?" 

Logan hummed. "Ouais." He shifted away to put the dish back, and then abandoned the tea towel and wrapped his hands around Leo's neck. "Time to go, soon?"  

Leo's face creased with surprise, but it was quickly hidden. "Yeah. I'm going to go and sort out my bag," Leo hesitated. "Want me to do yours at the same time?"   

"Done it, thank you though." Logan kissed Leo quickly on the lips, and turned towards the cupboard. "I just want to sort this though before we go, it's been really annoying me." And he crouched down at the container draw, and started pulling out plastic.  

There was an odd noise from above him, and Logan turned, found Leo staring at him. 

"D'accord?" Logan checked, pausing. 

Leo nodded, and then kept nodding. "Yeah, yes, I was just, um," he stared at Logan. "I was just thinking that, it's, um, that it's been bothering me too. So, um," Leo blinked. "Thank you, Tremz." And then he turned, and practically fled from the kitchen. 

Logan frowned after him for a moment, but eventually shrugged and returned to his task. Maybe Leo was nervous for the meeting. He and Kasey had been given a hell of a lot of homework for their game after the weekend. 

Leo stumbled into their bedroom, with his bag, and swung the door closed. Finn looked up from his anxious pose on the bed, wide eyed. "What's happening now?" 

"He dried everything up." Leo reported, eyes feeling just as wide. "And he's sorted his bag already," Leo dropped his own pack with a thump. "And now," Leo leaned in close to hiss, "-he's sorting out the container draw!" 

"Oh my fucking god, what?!" Finn cried, standing, and he'd been too loud. Leo hushed him automatically, but then they both just stared at each other uselessly, for too long. Finn abruptly let out an odd little laugh, standing there with an incredulous expression. "What the fuck?" 

"He said it's been bothering him for ages." Leo said, sounding dazed, even to himself. "What the fuck?" He echoed, more softly. 

"What the fuck." Finn agreed, just as quietly. And then Finn went still, still a few steps away, and he met Leo's gaze with sad understanding. "Maybe it does bother him." And he moved to meet Leo just inside the door, taking his hand. "But he knows he can't do anything about it, so he doesn't say anything." They stare at each other. "Jesus, Lo." Finn murmured, and his amusement was gone. Leo's, too.   

"Yeah." Leo said, "Jeez." He'd been hanging out with Remus a lot. "Jeez." It was such a good word. "The container draw though. What the fuck." He whispered, and Finn laughed again, running a hand through his hair.   

"What the fuck." Finn agreed again, and they stayed there until they could both look at each other without wide eyes, before going to find Logan.  

Logan stared weakly at the neat piles of plastic in front of him, tucked away back into the drawer. 

His eyes were burning. And they had been, since he'd sat back, and realised what he'd somehow achieved. 

Well, Logan remembered Remus's story. His drawer was like his Greg's fridge, then. And he leaned back against the cabinet, bowing his head over his knees. He just, he needed a minute. To process how easy it had all been.

And still, even though he was getting upset, his head felt so fucking quiet.

It felt, for a few long moments, crushingly unfair.   

Because, Logan could hear his own thoughts. He could hear each thought. He could follow each thought to fruition, and he wasn't struggling through a grey haze of fog. He wasn't abandoning his thoughts, he wasn't jumping from one topic to the next, he could just, think. 

The closest he'd ever felt was when he was on the ice. Game days were the best. The adrenaline would start to hit in the warm up, and he would feel so clear headed that he could make decisions in a split second, or faster. He loved how he felt on the ice. 

And yet this was, somehow, even better. 

Logan felt his eyes, all at once, begin to overflow. And even though he was utterly overwhelmed, and almost grieving, he still felt calm, with his mind so peaceful. And he didn't instantly think of something better that he could be doing. So he stayed there, in his spot, as the tears kept falling. 

"Lo?" Called a voice, eventually. "Lo?" Concern, growing. "Hey, Le, is he in the living room?" And then Logan heard his footsteps, and Finn was there, swearing. "Shit, Lo-" and he crashed to his knees. "Lo, Lo, Lo, hey-" and Finn cupped Logan's cheeks, wiping the tears frantically. "Lo, shit, hey, Le!" He called, but didn't look away, desperately wiping the tears that kept coming. "Lo, hey, shh, hey-" and Finn tugged him in close, and Logan began to cry silently into his shoulder instead. 

"Lo-" Leo crashed down beside them too, and his long arms circled them both, and Logan hid in the dark space between them. "Hey, hey," Leo hushed him. "That's okay, you're okay-"

"We're okay-" Finn added, stroking his back gently. 

Slowly, although it took a few minutes, Logan felt the grief begin to fade. He slowly calmed, and pulled back a little to wipe his face with his sleeve. He took a moment, with his eyes closed, to enjoy how quiet everything felt. 

And then, feeling steadier, Logan managed to look up. His boys were gazing at him with such worry, it made his eyes heat again. He swallowed, but he promised softly, "I'm okay." His voice was croaky, though. Finn and Leo exchanged an anxious look, but turned back to him. They waited, so patiently, like always. For him to find the words. "My head is just so quiet." Logan swallowed again, against his tight throat. "And I did my stretches, and I cleaned out my bag, and I cleaned the container drawer that's been driving me up the wall for like, six months-" his voice cracked, and Finn's face split with heartbreak, and he scooped Logan up. Leo was right there with him.    

"Oh, love." Leo whispered, and they held him between them tightly. 

"I didn't-" Logan breathed in Leo's familiar scent. "I can hear my thoughts." He tried to explain, suddenly desperate for them to understand. "Each of them, and it's not, they're not even fighting one another," he sounded so bewildered. "And I'm finishing them, and I'm just, I can just, think." Logan sobbed, just once, though he didn't cry again. 

"Oh, love." Finn whispered, and kissed his head. "Those were sort of happy tears?" He asked, and Logan nodded at him, helplessly. 

"And some sad." Leo murmured, mouth twisting down, and Logan nodded again. 

"It's both." Logan exhaled. "It's everything. And I didn't, I had no idea how much I was-" struggling, but he couldn't go on, couldn't say it to the two wonderful people in front of him who had made his life better in every way, and instead he let his boys hold him, until he began to feel like he was on solid ground again.  

Chapter Text

Finn hovered, as they got their gear ready to go. It was meant to only be a board meeting, but they tended to workout whenever they were at the rink, and most of the team would probably join them. 

Logan glanced in his bag, checking his skates were there, because he felt a little like he would need to get out on the ice, to make sure he felt solid, again. 

"Alright?" Finn checked, reaching to brush Logan's hair back gently. "Up to this?" 

"Ouais, definitely." Logan smiled at him, a bit soft. "I'm alright, Fish." He took Finn's hand, warmly. "It was just, it was a lot, for a minute." 

"I bet." Finn gazed at him carefully. His lip curled up a little. "You cleaned out the container drawer."

Logan flushed, laughing a little. "I did."

"It's so good to hear you laugh."  Finn said simply, smiling, and Logan gazed up at him warmly. "I love you." Finn said, softly.  

"I love you too!" Called Leo, suddenly, appearing in the doorway with his bag. 

"I love you both." Logan smiled back. "And I also love that the container drawer is organised, now."

"Oh my god," Finn nodded eagerly, taking his hand. "Me too. Fuck, so much. Has my sock drawer been bothering you, by any chance?" And Logan laughed, as they headed out the door together, all tangled up, like always.  

They were, rather unusually, early.   

It was quiet at the ring, the parking garage almost empty. Logan followed the boys to the lift without arguing, and realised he wasn't bouncing in place about half way up. Finn glanced at him as he snorted, and lifted an eyebrow. "Lo?"   

"I just," Logan laughed again, feeling oddly light. "I've never been so happy standing in a lift before."

"Huh." Finn started to smile slowly, and then grinned. "Better put that on the pro list, Butter." He glanced at Leo, who was already pulling out his phone. Logan kept smiling, humming an odd tune, and bounced a bit in place because he felt like it, rather than because his brain was itching. Finn's idea earlier about making a list, before he'd even taken the medication, had helped him chill out a bit. 

"What have we got so far?" Finn peered at Leo's phone, as the lift stopped, opening smoothly. 

"Pros," Leo peered at the phone, and they all stepped out together. Logan walked backwards down the empty corridor, to listen. "Able to dry up without hating the wet feel of the towel so much?" He tilted his head. "I still don't think I knew that bothered you."  

"I definitely didn't." Finn said, glancing at Logan. 

Logan just shrugged. "Didn't seem important."

"It's all important, Lo." Finn said firmly, but he kept the moment light, by nodding at Leo. "Go on, Knutty."   

"Um, well, I put the container drawer as it's own bullet point." Leo said, snorting a bit. 

"Valid." Finn grinned, winking, and Logan rolled his eyes with a grin. They stopped outside of the locker-room, and paused. Logan leaned in, not to read Leo's phone, but just to be close.  

Leo evidently noticed, and sent Logan a sweet look, before reading on. "Can hear own thoughts," Logan nodded. "Easier to listen to music and hear conversation?" Leo glanced at Logan as if to check he'd gotten right, but Logan just nodded. "Easier to listen to music with one ear bud." Leo tilted his head. "That's it, so far."   

"And still only the one con." Logan shook his head. "Unbelievable." 

"No appetite isn't great, Lo." Leo frowned slightly, like he had earlier, when Logan had barely been able to choke down half a sandwich. "I brought some snacks for you."

"Thanks, Beurré." Logan smiled easily though, too relieved to care much, and turned. "Come on, come on-" he was excited, and seemed to be feeling lighter and lighter.   

Maybe it was the medication, or the rink, or his boys. 

Or maybe it was all three. 

Walking into the locker room, for once, didn't almost cause Logan to stumble. Usually, the riot of noise was enough to half stun him. It was emptier today, because they were early, which helped. But maybe also, his head wasn't quite so overwhelmed as it normally was. 

Today, a few players looked up and called greetings, but Logan could hear them all. Could hear all their voices. He grinned, and waved back.   

Sirius was standing at his stall with Remus, and both of them looked up with a smile. "Hi, boys." Sirius greeted. "Alright?"  Sirius glanced at Logan a little more carefully than the others, but he just grinned back. 

"Good, thanks." He bounced a little in placed while Remus greeted his boys, and then glanced at Sirius as an idea occurred to him. "Can we have a skate, afterwards Cap?" 

"I think Coach might be planning a short ice block after, actually." Sirius responded, in English, and Logan grinned in relief. 

"Great." He nodded. "That's great."

They were making their way to their stalls when Finn caught his arm. "Hey, Lo," he pitched his voice low, and Logan leaned in a little. "What did the Doc say again about playing, while on it?" The room wasn't crowded, and Finn was practically whispering. It wasn't unusual to see the pair of them with ducked heads by their stalls though, so Logan chose not to worry. 

"That I needed to experiment." He answered, honestly. "See how it feels."

"You're feeling alright?" Finn checked, scanning him. "You seem, you seem good, Lo-" Finn looked pleased, but a little nervous.  

"I feel light." Logan said. "That's the best way I can describe it." He shrugged. "I need to figure it out at some point."

"Yeah." Finn seemed to relax a bit. "Alright, good."

"Hey," Remus appeared, subtly passing over the small set of in-ear headphones. "If you wanted them." And with a last nod, Remus turned away. 

It was always a choice, with Remus. 

Logan glanced at where Arthur was standing with Moody, at the board. He had the small neck tie on over his shirt, from which the subtle grey rectangular microphone, hung.  

The board meeting was a revelation, with the headphones. 

Logan leaned forward, eyes fixed on the board almost the entire time as Arthur talked them through six new plays. It was like his interest on the ice had made it's way here, and he was fascinated. He heard nearly every word, could actually understand what Arthur was saying, and the noise of the boys moving or murmuring or shifting didn't bother him at all. They weren't entirely sound proof, but with the medication and Arthur's clear voice, he didn't get nearly as distracted.   

"Sounding good, boys?" Arthur smiled around at them after the last one, and Logan nodded, clapping his hands in excitement. "Alright, as we said earlier, I'd like to get these into play as soon as we can. So a quick warm up, and we'll get out there and get them going."  

Logan sat back in his stall, and bounced his leg a little, chewing over the last play in his mind for a moment. He closed his eyes, biting his lip, and pictured it. Finn, coming up from the left, the back and forth, and- goal, his eyes flashed open, and he turned to Finn in excitement, pulling the earphones out. 

Finn was watching him, still, with a small smile on his face. 

"Fish?" He asked, curiously, forgetting the plays for a moment. 

"Just," Finn cleared his throat a little, still smiling faintly. "I just thought of another pro."

"Yeah?" Logan leaned in a little, curious.  

"It's so good." Finn blinked a few times, and Logan suddenly realised how shiny his eyes were. "To see you happy when you're sat in your stall."    

"Fish-" Logan breathed, and then took his hand, desperately.  

"I'm fine." Finn laughed a little, shaking his head. But he actually had to surreptitiously wipe his eyes, ducking his head to hide it from the room, and Logan made a worried noise. They both stood, and then Finn pulled him in for a sudden, tight, hug. "I'm so fine. I'm just, I'm so glad, to see that today has been a bit easier for you."   

"Merci." Logan smiled, flushing a bit as he pulled back. The team was loud around them, getting changed and heckling each other, but it seemed like they were in their own little bubble. Thomas yelled across the room, snapping his towel, and Evander laughed loudly from the far corner. But Logan kept watching Finn.  

"And another one," Finn said, quietly. Taking his hand and rolling it over. Logan looked down, confused, but suddenly realised. "You didn't chew them once, today."  

And Logan just shook his head, somehow bewildered and delighted in equal measure. 

Leo appeared just then, looking between them. "Alright?"

Finn nodded, clearing his throat. "Yeah," he smiled. "I just thought of two more for us, Le." 

Quick fire passes flew from Pascal who had escaped Sirius to Finn to Logan to Finn back to Logan who ducked around the net and lost Remus and-  

He stepped right, and he flicked the puck in above Leo's left shoulder in a neat wrap around. 

The net flashed, and Logan caught his breath, and then Finn yelled, and caught him up. "Fuck, yes-" He shouted, and then Pascal was there, clapping his shoulder, laughing.  

"Yes, Logan-" Pascal gripped his helmet, shaking it.   

Logan slowed, laughing a little, and circled the net. Sirius's line slowed up, shaking their heads, but most of them were grinning. 

Leo straightened out of his crouch, shaking his head. "God, Lo," he lifted his helmet, grinning as he shifted to grab his drink bottle from the net. "What did I ever do to you?"    

Logan stopped beside him, ducking their faces together for a split second. "Sorry, Beurré." 

"Don't be. And I know you're not, anyway." Leo grinned, and Logan released him with a laugh. Leo was right, he wasn't sorry. "I'll get you next time."  

Logan laughed, winking, and ducked away. 

"Circle up!" Arthur called, and he was grinning too. Everyone looked pretty pleased, though most of the team on the ice was panting. "Pretty good note to end on, thank you Tremz." 

Logan laughed again as the team cheered, feeling lighter than he had in weeks. Finn clapped his shoulder again, and Logan flushed a little. Sirius braked beside him, smiling faintly. "We barely had a chance." He said, which made Logan roll is eyes. Sirius had been making short work of the plays with James at the other end, and Remus had been playing well too. "Good work integrating those new plays, Tremz." And Logan flashed him a pleased smile. 

"I like them." He said, simply. 

"We noticed." Arthur called, and the team laughed around them. "Well played, everyone. We'll be giving these a good run on Friday. We're flying out tomorrow afternoon, and morning skate is compulsory," Arthur glanced at his watch. "Good work today, team." He looked pleased. "Really well done. I'm proud of all of you for stepping up," he grinned. "And getting these plays into work so soon." 

Finn whistled, and Thomas yelled, and the team broke from the ice with a cheer. 

Logan still felt a little het up, although it was different to feeling properly itchy. He hesitated, as the team hopped off the ice one by one and flooded down the tunnel. He was hot, sweaty and warm.

He shifted out of the way and ducked for a drink bottle. He was still het up, but right now, he was thirsty. He drained half the bottle, and panted. 

"Alright, Tremz?" 

Logan looked up, and Remus and Kasey were there, both sweaty and warm. "Good, just thirsty." 

"It's pretty thirsty work, huh, handing us our asses." Leo appeared too, shaking his head with an amused grimace.   

"Hmm." Kasey eyed Logan. "Bring that energy on Friday, Tremz." He smiled faintly. "We'll all be able to enjoy it, then." They'd swapped goalies twice, and Logan had scored against each of them, twice. 

"Ouais, Kase." Logan said, but sucked down another few deep sips. He hadn't noticed himself getting dehydrated, but he could feel it now. Finn appeared, hovering at his shoulder, and raised an eyebrow. 

"Ready to get off the ice?" Finn asked, but he was smiling, and he looked like he knew what was coming.   

"Few more, Harz?" Logan asked, hopefully, and Finn nodded easily. 

"Don't over do it." Remus said, quite firmly, and Logan flashed him a teasing grin. His knee felt good. He felt good. Suddenly, Logan realised that he might sleep well tonight. And with that thought, a jolt of energy hit him.   

"Never." Logan denied, and suddenly stole the puck that was by Remus's skates. He ducked away with it, and leaned forward, suddenly skating hard for the far net.    

"Lo-" Finn had followed him, of course, and tapped his stick from miles across the ice, and Logan didn't even look as he shot the puck back and left, where he just knew Finn would be.   

It returned to his stick before he hit the offensive line and and then a split second later it was gone again, and he wrapped around the net and the puck was on his stick, and then he flicked it away, and Finn passed it back, and Logan slammed it home. 

It had been so easy. Choreographed. Exactly as Arthur had described. 

"Yes, Lo!" Finn yelled, and circled up to his side. 

It had been so easy.  

"Lo?" Finn stopped hard beside him, maybe realising something was gone. Logan lifted his helmet off. "Hey," Finn moved closer, dropping his gloves and brushing closer. Logan slipped his gloves off, and clutched his cheeks. He was facing Finn, facing the net, and the others wouldn't see him. 

"Hey, Lo, Lo-" Finn ducked closer, dropping his stick and catching his chin gently. "Hey, what's-" his face creased. "Shit, Lo." And he drew him into a tight hug. 

Logan's head fell into Finn's shoulder, heavily. 

It had been so easy. 

"What's up?" Finn whispered, and Logan could hear skates behind them. He closed his eyes waited for Leo, who pulled up beside them a moment later.  

"Lo?" Leo sounded worried. He was in his gear, but his bare hand brushed Logan's neck, beneath the under gear. "What's wrong?" 

"It was so easy." Logan whispered. "The plays." 

 "Ah." Finn said, in sudden understanding. It was silent for a moment, and then Leo sighed. 

"Happy and sad, huh." He murmured, softly.

"Ouais." Logan nodded weakly, and let himself sit in his happy-grieving-loss for another few minutes.

"Never." Logan grinned broadly, and stole the puck between his skates.

Remus laughed, turning to watch as Logan darted past them with the shining energy he'd shown all day. He'd outpaced everyone else on the ice, and only Finn had been able to half keep up. Logan pushed hard for the far net, and Remus allowed himself to enjoy the quick cross over of his skates. 

"Lo-" Finn tapped his stick, somehow nearly keeping up but far away on the left, and the puck hit his stick a second later.  

"Jeez." Remus said, shaking his head. "Those two."

"Those two." Leo agreed, grinning. The back and forth was rapid fire, and then Remus glanced up, as Sirius leaned over the bench.  

"Energiser bunny." Remus commented, smiling, and Sirius snorted. 

"Both of them, today." But his eyes were fixed on the two wingers, looking pleased. Logan abruptly side stepped as if dodging a defender, and flicked the puck towards Finn before diving around the net. A perfectly choreographed back-and-forth, and the puck slammed home. "Nice, Lo." Sirius murmured, and Remus clapped his hands, Kasey joining him. Leo cheered. 

"Christ." Kasey muttered, and shook his head. "Bring on Friday." His eyes were lit up, but he clapped Leo's shoulder, and turned from the ice. He looked a bit sore, to Remus's eyes, as he went. 

Leo suddenly shifted, making a noise of concern, and when Remus glanced back, Logan was stood frozen just in front of the net. His head was hanging, helmet in his hand, staring at the net. Finn was facing them, and he looked worried, stepping closer. He took off his own helmet, his gloves, and ducked his ahead down, saying something too quietly for them to hear. 

Sirius shifted, and then Leo made another worried noise, before he was moving, skating hard across the ice.  

"What's going on?" Remus asked, under his breath, and Sirius shook his head. 

Abruptly, Finn scooped Logan up in a tight hug. They both abandoned their sticks, and helmets, and then Leo was there. 

"Shit." Remus said, hesitating, and Sirius traded a worried look with him. Logan had seemed so good, today. So much better, in the meeting. The headphones had seemed to help him to no end. "Do we-"

"We'll wait in the corridor." Sirius decided, and Remus nodded. He turned away from the cubs with a last concerned look over his shoulder, and Sirius met him at the side. 

The three of them were wrapped up, as they turned away. 

"I'm fine." Logan said, firmly, brushing Sirius off. 

"Are you?" Sirius gave stubborn chase, although Remus and his boys fell back. Logan ducked into the changing room, but Sirius followed him towards his stall. "Logan," he caught his arm. "Slow down, for one second." He'd lowered his voice though, and a lot of the team had already disappeared towards the showers. Nobody was watching them. 

But if Logan stopped, or slowed down, Sirius or one of the boys might see his red eyes. For fucks sake, he couldn't seem to stop crying, and if- "Later, okay?" Logan managed, as he slumped into his stall and bent over his skates. "Can we talk later?" 

Sirius hesitated, and he must be really concerned, to have chased Logan like he had. Sirius was good at giving him space. 

"Is everything okay, my sons?" 

Logan, instinctively, glanced up.

Pascal's eyes widened immediately, and Sirius made a noise of concern. Logan looked down again, and his fingers froze over his skates. "Later, please." He asked, and he was begging. He needed to keep it together. He needed-

Sirius crouched beside him, squeezing his shoulder. "Later, then." He agreed, but pulled Logan into a tight hug. Logan leaned into him, all at once, and exhaled roughly. He was going to cry again, if he wasn't careful. Sirius pulled back, and straightened. "Proud of you, Tremz." Sirius said, a little more loudly. "On fire with those plays, today." 

"Yeah you were, man-" Thomas called, from across the room, and someone put music on, and nobody seemed to notice the worry on Sirius's face as he crossed back to his own stall, or on Finn's as he settled close beside Logan. 

Pascal hesitated for a moment more, and Logan could feel him watching, but in the end only brushed past with a gentle squeeze of his shoulder. 

Pascal passed him a chamomile tea, and settled beside him on the couch. Sirius was on the closest two-seater, watching Logan carefully. 

Pascal glanced up at Sirius with a smile. "How is the painting, going?"

Sirius relaxed back, a little, answering in French. "Better. I just had no idea there were so many shades of white." 

The conversation was, as always, easy. 

Eventually, Logan shifted, and they both stopped, watching him again. And he managed to explain, in stumbling French, what had been going on. 

Sirius and Pascal listened calmly, entirely without judgement. 

"That's great you're trying them, Tremz." Sirius said, simply. "I'm glad for you, honestly, if it's maybe going to help." He tilted his head. "You seemed a bit happier in your stall, today." 

"I was." Logan smiled faintly. "Finn put that on the pros list." 

Pascal sighed, leaning forward to put his mug down. They'd closed the door to the family room, it was just them. "I'm so proud of you, Logan, for being brave enough to try them." And he reached out, drawing Logan into a tight hug on the couch. "Well done, my son." 

Logan had to blink back tears, again. 

Logan began to fade in the afternoon, and before long, the motivation seemed to have disappeared. He'd been half way through organising his bag when he'd had to give up, and retired to the couch to half nap on Leo's lap. 

Logan, by about 7pm, was close to dropping. 

"Just come eat, love." Leo cajoled, gently. "Or shall we just eat on the couch?"

Logan closed his eyes again, exhaustion spreading heavily. "Oui, Buerré." He mumbled, and Leo brushed his hair back with a sigh, before Logan heard footsteps moving away. 

"Is he up?" 

"Think we're eating in there, love." 

"Alright, I'll grab the trays-"

And between them, they managed to get Logan to have half a meal. He pushed the plate away, guilt biting. "I'm sorry, I'm just, I'm not hungry." He rubbed his head. "I'm too tired." He mumbled. "Really tired."

"Okay." Finn said, simply, though he looked concerned. They'd both finished their plates several minutes before, and the TV had evidently been a poor distraction for how little Logan had been eating. "That's okay, love." He tugged Logan down onto his chest, as Leo stole his plate to put it back on the table. "Shower?"

Logan shrugged a little, "Sure." He said, but he didn't really want to move. He felt Finn kiss his forehead gently. 

"Sorry you're so exhausted, love." Finn murmured, and Logan nodded tiredly. 

"TV, for a bit longer, then?" Leo asked, softly. 

Logan nodded again, and closed his eyes. He couldn't be bothered to move. Leo lay down behind him, on the other side of Finn's outstretched legs, and reached around his chest to hold him gently.  

"I feel weird." Logan mumbled, eventually, because he did.

"Weird how?" Finn sounded instantly concerned. 

"Not, like, medical weird." Logan muttered, to stave off any panic. "Just, exhausted, but also like, kind of itchy." Leo hummed understanding.

"Alright." Finn kissed his forehead. "What do you feel like doing, then?"

"I," Logan hesitated, opening his eyes. He started blankly at the TV for a few seconds, and then shrugged. He was beginning to feel a little restless. "I don't know." 

"Okay," Leo sounded a little uncertain. "So, we could have a shower, maybe?"

"Alright, ouais." Logan agreed, because he wanted to be standing, but he didn't really want to be doing, but-

Between them, they managed to gently hustle him into a shower. It took a bit of doing, too, because half way there he spotted his messy bag and realised he'd left his drink bottle in there loose, and then he got distracted by his phone because the team chat started to buzz but then Leo had to emerge half naked from the bathroom and take his hand to pull him away from where he'd been struggling to text Pascal back. 

Logan was sprawled numbly in their bed by half eight, yawning. 

Finn came to read beside him, looking slightly worried. "Alright, Lo?" He checked, rolling to kiss Logan's head again after his latest chapter. 

"Ouais." Logan mumbled. 

About half an hour later, once Leo joined them after speaking with his parents, Logan abruptly rolled upright.

They both paused, staring at him. "Lo?" Leo sounded a little cautious. 

"I'm-" Logan frowned. "I think I'm hungry." He blinked, and his stomach almost hurt. "I'm, I'm really hungry, all of a sudden." 

"Huh." Finn squinted at him. "Okay?" 

Logan suddenly sat up, and Leo actually jumped. He'd half thought Logan had fallen asleep. "I'm-" Logan frowned. "I think I'm hungry." He blinked a few times. "I'm, I'm really hungry, all of a sudden."

"Huh." Finn, glanced at Leo in confusion, then squinted at Logan. "Okay?" 

Logan abruptly rolled out of bed, and disappeared towards the kitchen. 

"I feel like," Leo frowned. "Maybe we should go, um, supervise him, maybe?" Leo winced at the word supervise, but Finn just shrugged helplessly.

"Yeah, I mean, I know he'll be fine, but-" Finn put his book down. "Kind of feeling the same." They exchanged a worried look. "I'm thinking this is a con."  

"Barely able to eat all day, and then randomly getting starving at bed time?" Leo sighed. "Solid con." 

"What are you guys up to for our day off?" Remus asked, looking up. 

"Probably just hanging about town." Finn said, shrugging. 

Logan thought, I want to do my laundry. And then he ducked his head, instinctively finding Leo hand with his. He could feel Leo glancing at him, and hear Finn hastily asking Remus about his own plans.  

They waited to ask, until they were back in the car on the way home. 

Logan was in the back, in the middle seat, leaning forward with his arm draped around Leo's chest. Finn was driving, but glancing at him in his rear view every few seconds. "Hey, Lo," Finn sounded uncertain. "What were you," he hesitated. "What were you thinking before, when Remus asked that?"  

Logan looked out of the window to his left, swallowing. "I was thinking I wanted to do my laundry." He leaned forward to press a kiss onto Leo's shoulder, as he shifted. "And I was happy that I could plan for that, I guess."   

It was silent for a moment, and then Finn blew out his breath. "Fuck, Lo." He reached back blindly, and Logan took his hand, squeezing gently. "Every time I think I'm getting it, I just," Finn squeezed, hard. "I'm so grateful you're telling us these things, now."

"I'm trying." Logan said, softly. He was. Desperately, desperately trying. 

"We know, love." Leo turned, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "We're glad you can plan for laundry too, and that you're feeling happy about it. Even though it's not perfect." Leo seemed to be worrying the most, about Logan eating less. 

"Merci, Beurré." Logan whispered, and kissed him slowly, then leaned his cheek on his shoulder, all the way home.  

"Last one-" Sirius said, above him, and Logan braced, hard, and managed to lower the bar, and force it back up, again. Sirius was hovering in place, hands ready to catch the bar in case he lost it at the last, but it clunked into place. "Nice, Tremz," he praised, and Logan blew out a breath. "Nice, man." Sirius  his chest gently. "You alright?" 

Logan nodded, "Ouias, ouias-" but he blew out another breath. His heart was thrumming, too fast. 

"We're done." Even Sirius sounded a little relieved. The circuit had been a tough one, today. Logan was glad he wasn't the only one feeling it. Which he was, actually. Today had been tough. Sirius had been fairly patient with him, but Logan knew he'd been moving slowly.   

He rolled up on the bench, and his vision abruptly greyed out. 

"Jesus, fucking-"  

"Logan, hey, can you hear me?" 

"Lars, what the fuck, what the fuck-" 

"He's okay, Finn, he's okay, Leo, boys, just stay there for a second-" 

"He's unconscious!" 

"But he's breathing well, and his pulse is strong, even if it's a bit fast. Help me get him on his side, away from the bench, Sirius-"   

"Shit, Lo, Lo, baby, come on-" 

"Give me a second here, Finn, and just give me a second to check him out-" and there were hands, at his neck, his wrist, and Logan blinked, trying to shift his head to turn and look. But his head weighed a ton. "Logan? Logan, hey-" and someone tapped his cheek, urgently. "Can you hear me, Logan?" Logan blinked a little. He was breathing hard, but he couldn't quite catch his breath. "Hold on the ambulance, Moody, he's coming round," someone squeezed his shoulder. "He's pale, pulse is fast but strong. This might be something we can fix."   

"Lo?" A different voice, and Logan abruptly realised his right hand was being squeezed. He realised was on his side. "Baby-" Finn sounded spooked, and Logan swallowed against a dry throat. 

His head felt heavy. 

"Logan, can you open your eyes for me?" Lars sounded firm. 

Logan blinked a few times, and the first thing he saw was Lars' face, cracking with relief. "Hey, there you are, Logan." Lars was gripping his shoulder. Something inflated on his arm, and Logan blinked, rolling his eyes to look. "Just a blood pressure cuff, Logan. You with me?" Something was beeping, too fast, until it suddenly stopped. There was a noise of panic, and then, "No, it's fine, I've just muted it, I can still see the numbers, boys." Someone squeezed his shoulder. "Logan? You with me?" 

"Ouais." Logan croaked, and something squeezed his hand tightly. 

"Hi, baby," Finn sounded alarmed. Oh, maybe it was him, squeezing Logan's fingers. "Are you awake?"

Logan took a deep breath, and hummed. "Um, ouias." But he felt strange, light headed. He was glad he was lying down. "Dizzy." He mumbled, and someone ran a hand through his hair. 

"He said he feels dizzy." Leo was apparently above him too, and Logan shifted a little. He sort of, he didn't like lying down. He felt like he should be doing something. Someone was talking, but- Logan tried to shift his hand, tried to press up, but hands were suddenly everywhere, keeping him down. He made an odd noise of panic, because, well. Because his arm was feeling too weak to do anything, let alone get him upright. 

"Wait, Logan-" sharp, from Lars. "Just hold for a minute. You're fine, but you need to take your time until we figure out what's going on."  

Logan sagged back into the ground, weakly. He hadn't even been able to get his hand beneath him, really. Someone took his fingers again, gently.   

"Your blood pressure is a bit low, Logan, I'm just going to get another one-" 

"Lars?" A different voice, above him. "Here's your kit." Oh, Logan recognised it. Remus.  

"Thanks, Remus."

"Need a hand?"  

"Maybe stay close, we're not sure what this is, yet." Someone tapped his cheek. "Hey, Logan, can you tell me how you're feeling?" 

"Um," Logan took a deep breath, and tried to focus. "Kind of, dizzy." He mumbled, exhaling roughly, because his head was begin to spin. "Feel weird, Le." Because Leo was the one leaning over his shoulder. He could smell him. "Bit sick."  

"He says he feels dizzy, and weird, and a bit sick." Leo stroked a hand across his forehead. "He's all sweaty, Lars." 

"Remus, can you-"

"On it."

"Is he awake?" Called a stressed sounding voice, and Logan shifted. Pascal?  

"Dumo?" He mumbled, hopefully, and there was movement. 

"My son," another hand, on his cheek. Logan was struggling to track where everybody was. He was starting to grey out, again. "You're going to be alright, we're all here-"

"Sorry," Logan mumbled, and Pascal hummed soothingly, immediately. 

"Everything's alright, Logan. Just focus on taking some deep breaths-" but Pascal's voice began to sound far away, again.  

"He's going limp again, Lars-" 

Logan felt like he was in a tunnel, with everyone calling at him from the other end. 

"Logan, hey, Logan, look at me-" but even Lars' sharp command couldn't bring him back. 

Everything sort of, greyed out, again. 

When he came back, it was to a sharp prick of pain on his finger, and a cool cloth being laid around his neck.

Logan inhaled, roughly, and someone tapped his cheek. "Logan, hey, you back with us?"

"Hmm," he mumbled, but he wasn't, really.  

"Shoot Lars, you were right," Remus sounded worried. "That's reading low, really really sodding low-"   

"Damn, that'll be it. Has he eaten anything today, boys?"

"Shit, I don't know, he, he said he had breakfast, but-" Leo's voice cracked. "Is he going to be alright?" 

"Shit, Lo-" Finn sounded ill. 

"He will be in a few minutes, okay? Now we know what's going on, it's a pretty easy fix." There was movement, around him, but he felt strange. "Hey, Logan, are you awake?" Someone tapped his face gently, and Logan tried to open his eyes, but all that really happened was his eyelids fluttered, a little. He had no energy for anything more. 

"I think we'll need to get an IV in, there's no way he can drink or eat like this." Lars sounded steady. "Help me, Remus? Moody, will you draw up some dextrose?"  

"Yep." Moody's low voice came from a little further away. 

"Here." There was the sound of packaging ripping. "He's not good with needles, Lars." It sounded like a warning.   

"I don't really think he's going to feel much of any of this, Remus." A breath. "Alright, boys, keep talking to him, and hold him back against you a bit more, Finn-" Logan was shuffled, and a warm arm locked around his chest.  

"Baby, baby-" Finn whispered, and someone kissed his forehead. 

Logan was limp, in Finn's grip. He couldn't even open his eyes. Everything was sort of, hazy, around the edges. Something cold ran over the back of his hand, and Logan frowned vaguely.    

"Focus on us, baby," Leo whispered, sounding like he was right in front of Logan's face. "We're both here. Dumo's here too, we're all here-" and someone was lifting his head, and lowering it back onto something soft.  

"My son, you're alright, just take some deep breaths-" 

"Sharp scratch here, Logan-" and he realised abruptly that his right arm was being held firmly against his thigh. Logan flinched a little, as something sharp stung the back of his hand. But he could barely feel his fingers, and a moment later, he lost the sensation of pain. "Alright," there was the sound of tape. "Nice, thanks."

"Yep."

"Flush, thanks-" something twinged on his hand. "Yeah, that's in-" something cold seemed to run up his arm, and Logan exhaled roughly, frowning.

"You're okay, Lo-" Leo whispered.

What the hell was going on?

"Right, Moody, have you got-"

"Drawn up, here." 

"You agree half?"

"Start with half, over ten minutes. Usually they come back to life within a quarter."

"Come on, Lo," Finn whispered, sounding choked. "Please come back to life, baby-"

And something strange was happening at his hand. An odd pressure, travelling up his arm.  

"That's two mLs, in." Lars said, then more lowly, "Thanks for your help, Remus."

"Yeah, of course." Remus sounded a little less calm, now, though. "I feel out of practice, to be honest." He cleared his throat, roughly. "Is he coming round, Finn?" 

"Baby?" Finn's breath brushed his ear, and Logan blinked a little. "Maybe? He's blinking a bit, now."

"Three mLs, in." 

Logan took a deep breath, suddenly. 

"I think he's less pale, maybe? He's taking deeper breaths."

"That's great, Finn. His heart rate is coming down a little, and his oxygenation is perfect. Give him another minute or two, and I think we'll be away." A breath. "And that's four mLs." 

Sensation returned to his body in strange increments. His hands, first, and his right hand felt warm, clutched in tight fingers. Then his chest, and suddenly he could feel a warm hand cupping his neck. 

"Six mLs." 

Logan blinked open his eyes. 

It was a blur, for a moment, and then things sharpened into view. 

"Lo? Baby?" Leo was kneeling in front of his face, Pascal to his left. "Lo?" Leo looked away and back in a second, and he was cupping Logan's neck, gently. "He's got his eyes open, but he's not really focusing."  

"Okay, there we go, Logan." Lars sounded calmer. 

Logan took another deep breath, blinking dumbly at Leo as he managed to bring him into focus at last. "What's-" Logan swallowed, feeling sick. "What's going on?"

Leo sagged with relief, and he leaned in, pressing his lips to Logan's forehead. "Oh, hi, baby," his voice cracked, with tears.   

"Lo, fuck, Lo-" Finn was kissing his cheek, from behind him. "Jesus christ." 

"Hi." Logan mumbled, stupidly. "You okay?" 

Leo blew out a breath. "Yes, we're fine, love." And Finn snorted a wet sounding laugh, from behind him.  

"Baby." Finn whispered, and kissed the side of his head, again. 

Logan discovered a grey-faced Pascal in his eyeline, and things seemed to be almost entirely back, now that the fog was disappearing from the sides of his vision. "Logan," Pascal murmured, sagging in relief.  

Logan rolled his head, suddenly aware that he was lying on his side, with his left arm stretched out above his head. He realised his head seemed to be resting on someone's jersey, and frowned, confused. 

"Well done, Lo," Finn whispered, from his back, and he was gently holding Logan against his knees. He looked blearily to his right, and found Lars kneeling beside him too. 

"There you are." Lars smiled at him, looking relieved. "How's that feeling?"

"Better." Logan managed. "Way better. Fuck." His head throbbed, a little. "What happened?" He felt strange, but his body was rapidly coming on line, and he shifted his legs, a little, as if to roll up.

"Wait, Logan," Lars said, firmly, hand pressing on his side. "Just stay there. We'll finish giving you this, and see where we are. Okay?" 

"Finish giving me-" Logan squinted at Lars in confusion, and then abruptly spotted the IV in his hand, that was being held by a worried looking Remus against his thigh. "Merde," he swore, weakly. "Quoi," because he hated IV's, and he abruptly became aware of the cold sensation of something travelling up his arm. Oh, his brain clicked, it must be whatever was in the syringe that Lars was slowly depressing. "What?" He blinked up at Lars. "What happened?"  

"Your glucose was really low, Logan." Lars squeezed his shoulder. "Really, really low. Which made you pass out." Logan stared at him. "Just sit tight for another few minutes, and then we'll see about getting you sitting up." 

"Merde." Logan repeated, weakly, sagging back. "Sorry, Le, Fish-" he looked back at Pascal, noticed again how pale he was. "Sorry, shit, I'm fine, I'm fine."  

"Everything is okay, Logan." Pascal cupped his face, again, Leo giving way without argument. "Just rest, we'll figure it out."  

"You'll need to let us do most of the work when we get there, Logan." Lars said, kneeling at his head. Leo and Pascal had been gently shuffled out of the way, for a moment. "Your blood pressure is still reading pretty low, which is why Remus and I are going to hook you up to some fluids before you go anywhere. Okay?"  

"Far out." Logan mumbled. "I'm so sorry."  

"Don't worry about it for now, we just want to get you back on your feet asap." Lars squeezed his shoulder, gently. "We're going to give you some fluids, then see about getting you sat up. Alright?"   

"Ouias." Logan mumbled, closing his eyes. "I'm sorry."  

"I know," Lars was gentle, now that he was calm again. "But it's all okay. Just keep resting for a second, and I'll tell you when we're going to start the fluids. Okay?" 

"Thanks, Lars." Logan managed, and slumped back into the jersey beneath his head. He'd managed to shift his left arm so it wasn't stretched out above his head, now sat in front of his face, and he wiggled his fingers a little until someone slipped their hand back into his. Leo, his tired brain supplied, helpfully. The size of the hand cupping his, said it all. 

"I'll be back in a moment, Logan." Dumo murmured, and Logan nodded slightly. He was too tired to really worried about where he might be going. He relaxed a little more heavily into the floor, trying to ignore whatever was happening at his hand. Something tugged, a little, and then there was the sound of more tape. He felt plastic tubing against his arm.

"You still with us, Lo?" Finn whispered, leaning over him. Leo was still in front of him when he managed to open his eyes again.   

"Ouias," Logan nodded slightly. "Fuck, yes, I'm really so sorry."

"Don't worry." Leo murmured, kissing his forehead. "Everyone just wants you feeling better, and we'll figure out what happened, after."

Logan shut his eyes again, exhausted. He already had a bit of an idea of what had happened. "I think I forgot to eat breakfast, Le." He admitted, in quiet French.  

"What did he say?" Finn sounded anxious. 

"Just about forgetting breakfast." Leo said, softly. His tone changed a little, heavy with care. "But Lo," he slipped back into French. "I thought you said you did, in the car." 

"Yeah, I just, it was almost habit, I think." Logan squeezed his eyes shut even more tightly, chest thrumming with guilt. "I didn't meant to lie, I just," he swallowed. "I didn't want you to worry, and I swear I was planning on grabbing food when I got here," Logan swallowed, at the sensation of something fiddling again with his right hand. "But I forgot." 

"Alright, Lo." Leo whispered, stroking his face. "Were you drinking enough, during practice?" Leo paused, and Logan felt Finn shift, behind him. "I'm just asking him if he drank enough." Leo explained, softly. 

"Okay." Finn replied, softly, patient with their French today. 

"I don't really remember." Logan realised how stupid he'd been. "I think, I don't think I really stopped." He'd kept playing, when the others had stopped. Leo and Kasey had taken turns entertaining him, hadn't they? He'd been called over, had had a few sips of water, but but he hadn't want to stop, so close to getting it right- "I was so focused on getting back into new plays, again." He'd been excited, and then for weights, too. "And then, we came and did the weights, and I just, I forgot."  

"Sirius said you weren't yourself, on the circuit." Leo brushed his hair back, gently. Finn was being unusually patient, with their French. 

"I didn't feel hungry," Logan tried to explain, opening his heavy eyes to meet Leo's worried blue ones. "Just, weird. Kind of, slow." Leo's face was so worried that Logan almost cringed. "I'm sorry," he mumbled. "I won't forget again."   

"Okay, love, that's okay." Leo soothed him, and then hesitated. "Can I translate all of that? To Finn and Lars and everyone?"   

"Yeah." Logan mumbled, and exhaled, heavy with guilt.  

"Hey," Lars squeezed his shoulder, and Logan opened his eyes again, squinting at the light. "We're going to get these started, but we're going to run it pretty quickly, okay? So you might feel it running into your hand, and up your arm."

Logan grimaced, hiding his face in the red jersey beneath his head. "I hate needles."

"It's not a needle," Remus said, squeezing his wrist gently. Someone was fiddling with something at his hand, and it hurt a little. Oh, maybe that was why Remus was holding his wrist still. "Just a little tube, in your skin." 

"That's so much worse." Logan mumbled, and Remus snorted a little.  

"Well, tough luck, then." Remus sounded amused, and far more relaxed than earlier. "How're you feeling, Tremz? We've got half a room of panicking hockey players to go and reassure in a minute, now that you're up."   

"Like I could play any minute now." Logan lied, weakly, and even Finn snorted a bit, at that.  

"Well, we'll see about that." Lars sounded amused, though. "There we go. How's that feeling, Logan?" 

Logan felt something cold beginning to flow up his arm, and winced. "Cold, and weird." He couldn't keep the distaste out of his voice, and Finn snorted softly again, behind him. 

"Okay, that means it's working." Lars sounded amused. "Want to go and carry the news, Remus? That Logan is up and complaining about our medical care?"

"It would be my genuine delight." Remus's accent sounded a little stronger. There was movement in front of him, and Logan opened his eyes just as Remus kneeled down at his head. Leo hadn't gone far, though.

Remus leaned in to press his forehead against Logan's, for a moment. "Glad you're good, Tremz." And he sounded relieved.

"Thanks, Loops." Logan managed a faint smile. 

"Let us do the work." Lars repeated, and Logan nodded. He felt a little like his head had come back online, finally. The fluids had helped. Everything had come back into proper focus, and his thoughts weren't so slow, now. It had only taken about ten minutes, according to Lars, for that to happen.  

But he still felt a little strange, empty, almost, and he didn't argue with Lars. 

"Alright, up we go-" Lars said, and Leo had scooped an arm around his shoulder, and someone else was bracing his right arm, and he was pulled gently upright. 

His head swam though, as soon as he was vertical, and Logan clenched his eyes shut. 

"Easy, Logan," Lars squeezed his shoulder. "You with us?" 

"Um," he gasped, because things were greying out a bit. Logan tried desperately hard to stay conscious. Everything began to fade.

“What's-" he mumbled, and then his head lolled heavily on his neck, and he lost the ability to talk.

"Shit-" Finn swore, and someone caught his head, his neck, he- 

"That's okay, that's about what we expected," but Lars sounded stressed, again. "Orthostatic hypotension, it's normal after something like this to have repeat faints-" 

Logan greyed out, rather proving Lars' point. 

He came back a little quicker, that time. 

He slowly realised he was leaning back against someone warm, and then that his head was limp over someone's shoulder. Logan shifted, making an inquiring noise. 

"Lo?" Hopeful, someone sounded-

Logan blinked a few times, squinting, and managed to open his eyes. He saw red hair, and relaxed. 

"His eyes are open-" Leo sounded so relieved. 

"Hi, Tremz." Finn murmured, softly. Oh, Logan tried to lift his head. He realised he was leaning back against Finn's chest, sat comfortably between his legs. Leo was sat cross legged, beside them. "He's lifting his head a bit, Lars." Finn sounded pleased. 

Lars was abruptly there, and Logan squinted at him. Lars tilted his chin gently up, to scan him carefully. "Hey, Logan," he looked concerned, again. "How're you feeling?" 

"Umtrd." Logan mumbled, then squinted. Had that been English? "Um," he tried again. "Tired."  

"Okay." Lars nodded. "I'm really sorry that knocked you again, we've still got the fluids going, at a higher rate again. So hopefully you'll feel better soon."   

Logan frowned at him in soft confusion, and Lars just patted his shoulder. "Just take a few minutes, Logan, and everything should come back online." He seemed to glance at Finn. "Just let him sit quietly, and keep me posted if you're worried. Everything is looking better, on this end. Heart rate, blood pressure, glucose is holding steady, so it shouldn't be long."

"Alright." Finn murmured, and Logan closed his eyes again, drifting there, on Finn's shoulder. He didn't quite catch everything Finn was saying. He sounded like he was maybe talking to someone. Leo, maybe? Logan seemed to miss quite a few of the English words, but slowly, steadily, things began to return to him.

He remembered. He'd been on the weights, with Sirius.

He'd greyed out. Twice.

Eventually, Logan realised he could feel something cold, pulsing up his right arm, and steadily, his curiosity grew. 

Logan opened his eyes, rolling his head heavily to look at his right hand. Oh, he remembered with a wince. The IV.

His hand was resting on Leo's knee. He was sat cross legged right beside them, and the fluid line was running across Leo's knee to Lars, beyond him.

"Beurré," Logan greeted, softly, and Leo squeezed his fingers so gently, careful of the IV. 

"Hey, Lo." Leo looked a little pale, but seemed to relax a little as he scanned Logan. "There you are, love." He sighed.

"Hey, is he up?" The question was worried, and Logan looked up as Pascal appeared, squinting a little at the bright gym lights. He was abruptly awake enough to be glad that they were tucked away in the corner of the gym.

"Dumo?" He croaked, and Pascal exhaled, crouching on Logan's only free side. "I'm so sorry." Logan said, instinctively, for the worry he can see there.   

"Who would have children, hmm?" Pascal asked with a faint smile, but palmed Logan's cheek and leaned in to kiss his forehead warmly. "I'm so glad you're awake," he stroked Logan's head gently, sitting back. "I'm sorry, I was just checking on Sirius for a moment. Remus told him to make toast for you," Pascal smiled faintly. "He's buttered half a loaf, so far, and counting." Logan found his lip curling up. "The team is busy digging out snacks for you, and someone is apparently finding trays, and-" Pascal shook his head. "You can imagine."  

"I can imagine." Logan murmured, distantly amused. 

Leo quietly repeated the story for Finn, and Logan blinked as he realised why. "Sorry, Fish. I can, I can understand English, again. We can speak in English."  

"That's good, Logan." Pascal nodded, cupping his cheek and kissing his forehead again. He looked less pale than before, but only just.   

"Couldn't you understand it, before?" Finn, sat as he was directly behind him, was making it difficult for Logan to read his expression.   

"I could, mostly, I just, found French easier, for a minute." Logan turned his head, kissing Finn's chin gently. "Sorry, Fish."   

Finn sighed, arms tightening a touch around him. "I am going to mother hen you so hard, you have no idea." He warned, but kissed the side of his head gently. "We both are, and you're going to sit and take it, or you'll be in actual trouble, and I'll let Sirius loose on you."   

"Fuck." Logan snorted a little, smiling at Leo with a bit more energy. "Save me, Beurré." 

"Sorry, Tremz." Leo smiled at him gently. "I don't argue with Cap." 

"Especially not after you fainted off the bench into his arms." Finn murmured, and Logan winced.   

"Into his arms?" He looked plaintively at Pascal. "Really?" 

"He somehow caught you," Pascal looked a little grey again, and not at all amused, which Logan had been hoping for. "When you first dropped. Saved you from knocking your head, on the weights."    

"Merde." Logan murmured, amusement fading. "I'll have to thank him."

"Lars said too many people were around," Finn told him, quietly. "And Cap looked like he might break the bench, but then Remus got here, and he calmed down enough that Thomas could take him across the room, a bit."  

"Shit." Logan repeated, in English, rolling his head back onto Finn's shoulder heavily. "I'm so sorry." He'd been so stupid. "I promise," he hid his face in Finn's neck, breathing in his scent. "I swear, I won't do it again." 

"Thank you, Lo." Finn kissed his forehead again. "Please don't ever do that again. My heart really can't take it."

"Tremz?" Sirius was suddenly there, crouching at his side. Pascal gave way, standing.

"Be back in a moment." He murmured, and disappeared from view.

"Fuck sakes, Tremz." Sirius leaned in, kissing the side of Logan's forehead, hard. "Never do that to me ever again, alright?" 

"Yeah, Cap." Logan murmured, and he watched Sirius gratefully, as he continued to scan Logan. "Thanks for catching me." 

"Damsel in distress," Sirius shrugged, but his face was tight. "It impressed Remus. I should be thanking you." The attempt at humour was appreciated, but he was still gripping Logan's shoulder, tightly. "What happened?" 

"I forgot to eat." Logan replied, honestly. "I was an idiot, I fucked up, I lied to the boys about breakfast so they wouldn't worry," Sirius lifted a pointed eyebrow, and Logan nodded. "I know. But then I forgot to get food here, and-" he shook his head. "It won't happen again."

Sirius watched him carefully, and then nodded, sharply. "Don't let it, Lo." He cupped Logan's cheek, gently. But his tone was firm. "We need to be able to trust that you're going to look after yourself, alright? Or tell us if you're not feeling right." Sirius shook his head. "That was so dangerous, with the weights," Logan winced. "Even with me spotting you. And when you dropped, I just-" Sirius ran a hand across his mouth, and shook his head, sharply. "I can't cope with this shit." He softened, slightly, palming Logan's face again. "You're going to give me grey hair, and then Remus is going to leave me." 

"He would never." Logan murmured, but met Sirius's gaze as evenly as he could. "I promise, Cap, never again." 

Sirius relaxed properly, and Logan reached out with his left arm, pulling him in. It was kind of a three way hug, really, because Finn was so close, and when Sirius pulled back, it was with a laugh. "I guess you get used to that, huh?" And he dropped a hand on Finn's neck, scanning him just as carefully. "Alright, Harzy?" 

"Heart rate is slowing down, just about." Finn confirmed, squeezing Logan's chest gently. "He's promised to let us mother hen him."

"Good." Sirius glanced at Logan. "I can't put you on laps, right now," Sirius suddenly wasn't his brother, he was his Captain. Logan straightened, automatically. "But I'll keep you off the ice, if I can't trust that you're looking after yourself. So," Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Do you swear you'll look after yourself one hundred times better than today?" His eyebrow ticked. "Or at least tell us, if you're feeling shitty?" 

"Yeah, I do, I promise." Logan said, softly. 

"Good." Sirius relaxed, and it was just him, again. "Because I've genuinely never seen Pascal so pale." 

"I have." Logan said thoughtlessly, and then winced, whoops. 

"When?" Sirius asked, curiously. 

"Your ankle." Logan replied quietly, and Sirius sighed. 

"Poor Dumo." He murmured, and cupped Logan's face again. "Never again, d'accord?" 

"D'accord." Logan nodded, tiredly.  

"Alright?" Lars was crouching at his feet, and Finn had a very tight arm around his shoulders. 

Logan nodded, and they carefully drew him to his feet. 

Leo was hovering on his other side, and Sirius was stood a few steps away watching, with Remus. His worried expression seemed to say, don't make me catch you, again. 

But after a moment of slight light headedness, Logan nodded, meeting Lars' gaze. "I'm alright." He promised, and Lars nodded. 

"Good." He smiled. "I'll unhook you then, but we'll keep the IV in for a bit longer."

"A tube in my skin," Logan muttered, wincing when Lars tugged the tape loose, unhooking the fluid line. It had taken almost two litres to get him upright, but now he needed to pee. 

"Alright?" Finn checked, and Logan nodded. The gym was empty, but he flushed a little, because he wasn't sure the locker room would be. 

"Yeah," Logan nodded. "I'm good." 

Pascal scanned him from behind Lars, but nodded. 

"Come on then, we'll take it slow." Lars said, but he looked far happier now. "Thanks for your help, Remus." 

Remus shook his head, shooting Logan a look. "I didn't enjoy that foray back into the medical world." He shook his head. "Please don't do that again any time soon, Tremz."

"I'll do my best, Loops." Logan smiled, and he felt Finn relax a little, at his joking. 

The walk across the gym was quiet, Finn's arm locked around his, Lars leading the way, and Leo close at his side. Pascal and Sirius were hovering too, and Remus had a tight hand in Sirius's. 

"He lives!" Thomas yelled, as soon as the door opened, and Logan flushed. 

The room cheered, and Logan winced at the noise, but smiled. Finn actually laughed, and that was enough for him to tolerate the noisy team. 

"You good, man?" James appeared, and Logan nodded, as Finn guided him to his stall. 

"Much better, yeah, cheers." Logan sagged into his stall with a sense of relief. "Far out," he peered at the team who were all staring at him. He shot Finn a look. "You've got some competition for mother-henning, I bet."

"I am so good at being a mother hen." Thomas appeared with a wide grin. He had a plate in his hand. "But this is courtesy of Captain Mother Hen," he grinned broadly. "You hungry?"

Logan eyed the toast on the plate a little nervously. 

"Would be good if you can, Tremz." Lars said, peering at him through the crowd of hockey players, from where he was re packing his kit. 

"Alright." Logan gave way, and Leo stole the stall next to him to lean in. 

Most of the team seemed to be packing down, getting ready to go home, and most of them were pretty good about not crowding him. 

Most of them ducked by to say goodbye, though. 

"Rest up, man." James said, firmly, and then moved away with Thomas. 

Pascal, Remus, Sirius and Lars all waited though. And the four of them walked them to their car, seeing Logan safely into the passenger seat. 

"Just rest, tonight," Lars put the plate of remaining toast on his lap, and tucked a few packets of nuts beside him. "Eat as much as you can, and I'll check you out tomorrow."

"Thank you, Lars." Logan said, gratefully. "Really, I appreciate it. It's a bit of a blur, but I remember how calm you were."

"You're welcome, Tremz." Lars squeezed his shoulder. "I'll see you tomorrow." And he gave way to Remus and Sirius, who both gave him a hug, and then Pascal was there. 

"Alright?" He asked, and cupped Logan's head. "You want to go home with the boys?"  

Logan nodded, but he leaned in, and Pascal hugged him tightly. "My heart can't stand much more of that." He warned, softly, and Logan nodded. 

"I'm sorry I was so stupid." He pulled back only when Pascal did, Finn sliding into the drivers seat beside him. "I won't do it again."

"Thank you." Pascal kissed his cheek once more. "Call anytime." He glanced at Finn. "Thank you, boys." He smiled warmly. "Call me, if you are worried, or he is stubborn."

"Will do." Finn agreed, cheerfully, and Leo leaned forward from the middle sea on the back, taking Logan's hand gently in his. "Have a good night, Dumo."

"You too, boys." And Pascal kissed his forehead again, before withdrawing and closing the door gently.

Finn raised a hand as Pascal waved, and then they were pulling away. The small plaster on the top of his hand was the only sign of the events that had occurred, as they pulled out of the carpark. 

Logan forced himself to finish the rather large dish of pasta. "I might have a few days off them. And maybe only reach for them on break days.." He said, softly, and Finn relaxed. 

"I think that's sensible, love." 

"I was only getting a couple of hours of good sort of, motivation, anyway." It wasn't quite the right word, but ability to do stuff sounded strange. "I might speak to her again, and ask what she thinks."

"Sounds good, love." Leo settled beside them, a small tray of nuts and biscuits in his hand. "Fancy some?" He offered, and Logan took some peanuts with a smile. 

"Hi, Peanut." He said, and Leo leaned in, kissing him gently. "Missed you." And he had, even though Leo had only been gone for a few minutes. 

"Missed you too." He replied, simply. 

"Oi, oi, oi-" Thomas shouted, half jogging across the gym, two days later. "Tremz, Tremz, Tremz-" he chanted, and Logan looked up with wide eyes, lowering his headphones. 

Remus was beside him, both of them having finished their warm up on the bike at the same moment. 

Quite a few players turned from their own warm ups as Thomas halted beside Logan, bouncing. "Can you try this for me?" Thomas was grinning. "It just showed up on my tik-tok, man, and it almost made me pass out but it's cool and you should try it," he offered his headphones, and Logan laughed. 

"Um, what?" He shook his head. "What?"  

Remus was grinning in confusion, and stepped a bit closer. "What're you on about, T?" 

"It's this mashup," Thomas lowered his voice a little. "For neurodivergent people," he grinned. "Apparently it can chill your head out!" He looked genuinely excited, and Logan  relaxed a little. 

"Ouais," he said, still suspicious, but peered at Thomas's phone, saw the replaying tik tok. He suddenly looked up, with a cheeky grin. "Why is coming up on your for you page, though?"

Thomas mock swiped at him with a laugh, "That's really not a box I'm willing to poke at." He offered the headphones again, and Logan rolled his eyes, but put them on. They had time. The headphones cut out the noise of the gym, and he blinked as the beat and electric guitar started up loudly.  

Shawty had them Apple Bottom jeans, jeans

Boots with the fur, with the fur

If you wanna run away with me,

I know a galaxy and I could take you for a ride-

And we can't stop-

Take my ride-

Gimme-gimme-gimme-

a man after midnight

All the crazy shit I did

And we can't stop

That that- that- don't kill me

I got that summer time,

summer time sadness

On another love,

another love-

Girllll-

Logan's eyes widened, the bouncing beat almost- perfect, and it replayed again, and he stared at Thomas, and it just- it sort of just, scratched the itch in his head? 

"It's good, right?" Thomas mouthed, and Logan held out his hand for Thomas's phone, who passed it over with a grin. He turned it up a few more notches, and closed his eyes. Holy fuck. 

He didn't know how long passed, before a hand landed on his shoulder, and he opened his eyes to see Pascal watching him with slightly wide eyes. "Logan?" He mouthed, or maybe said, and Logan blinked at him. 

Gimme-gimme-gimme-

a man after midnight

The headphones blocked out everything else out, and the pulse of the music just- what the fuck? 

"I think Thomas broke my brain." He said, in French, and Pascal began to laugh. 

"Oi, oi, oi-" Thomas shouted, half jogging across the gym. "Tremz, Tremz, Tremz-" he chanted loudly, and Remus looked up, raising an eyebrow. Thomas was clearly pumped for the game already. Was he fetching Logan for the bag?

Logan looked a little startled, lowering his headphones. They'd hopped off the bike at the same time, and Remus had started to notice Logan following him a little more in warm ups. Him, or his boys, or Pascal, or Sirius. Logan's routine was pretty strict, but with his knee he'd had to change and vary it a little, and now it seemed to depend on who he could follow at which station, too.  

Remus had been quite touched, how much trust Logan had shown in him, the last few weeks. Thomas arrived beside them, grinning widely and looking excited. Quite a few players were turning to watch, already looking amused. 

"Can you try this for me?" Thomas bounced on his toes a little. "It just showed up on my tik-tok, man, and it almost made me pass out but it's cool and you should try it," he offered his headphones, and Logan laughed. 

"Um, what?" Logan shot Remus a confused look, and peered at Thomas. "What?" 

Remus grinned a little, amused by the chaos Thomas was causing, and stepped a bit closer. "What're you on about, T?"  

"It's this mashup," Thomas lowered his voice a little, leaning in towards Logan a little more carefully. "For neurodivergent people," he whispered, then straightened and returned to his normal volume. "Apparently it can chill your head out!" Thomas looked genuinely excited, and Remus snorted a little. He was clearly trying to be helpful, while also sort of taking the piss. Logan had been a little more open recently, about when he was struggling, and Thomas had cleared clued in that when he asked to go on the bag, it was a less good day. 

"Ouais," Logan shrugged a little, but still looked a touch suspicious. He peered at Thomas's phone, and Remus did too, the replaying tik-tok. Logan suddenly glanced up, cheeky smirk in place. "Why is coming up on your for you page, though?" He asked, and Thomas laughed. He swiped at Logan's ear, though Logan neatly ducked it, and shook his head. 

"That's really not a box I'm willing to open." And he glanced at Remus, winking. Thomas turned, offering out the headphones hopefully, and Logan rolled his eyes, but slipped them on. 

Logan's expression changed, amusement dropping away as his eyes widened a little. Remus shifted, watching him carefully, and Thomas was too. Logan looked down a little, and his eyes were jumping from the right, to the left, and back again, as if in time with the beat. 

Thomas shot Remus a hopeful grin, and he couldn't help but snort a little. "Jeez, man. Reckon it'll help?" 

"Dunno." Thomas shrugged. "It was nuts, like all these different songs," he peered at Logan as he blinked, at his strangely blank expression. "He looks like he's feeling something, huh?"

Logan abruptly looked up, and he still had very wide eyes. He held out his hand expectantly, and Thomas laughed. "It's good, right?" He said, loudly, and they both laughed as Logan turned it up. He closed his eyes, and there was a grin playing about his mouth now. He tilted his head back a little, and his head was moving to the beat, and his hips a bit too. 

Pascal called, "What are you doing to Tremz?" From his place on the mat nearby, but when Thomas just laughed, rolled to his feet and walked towards them. Quite a few of their team were craning their necks to see what was happening, and Finn looked like he was slowing his treadmill down to come and investigate. "Thomas?" Pascal asked, raising an eyebrow. 

"Found him some music!" Thomas grinned, and then peered at where Logan was still kind of just swaying to himself. "Maybe I broke him?" He frowned in mock concern. 

Pascal grabbed Logan's shoulder, and he didn't startle, just opened his eyes suddenly. "Logan?" Pascal peered at him, frowning. 

Logan stared at him blankly, and then blinked. "Je pense que Thomas m'a brisé le cerveau." 

Remus missed the rapid fire French, but it made Pascal laugh, and then Finn was there, dropping an arm around Logan's shoulders and giving Thomas a rather sharp look. He'd been even more protective of Logan, these last few days. "What're you doing?" He asked, and turned to Logan. "Lo?" 

Logan, with quite obvious regret, slipped the headphones off. He exhaled, loudly, and stared at Thomas. "What the fuck." He said, and Thomas laughed. 

"Good?" Thomas beamed at him. 

"What the fuck." Logan turned, kissing Finn's cheek. "He fixed my brain for a second, there." 

Finn frowned. "Your brain isn't broken."

"No," Logan snorted a little. "No, I know, I didn't mean that." he kissed Finn again, around his mouth, clearly trying to sooth the worry away. "It's a mashup, it just kind of, didn't give me space to have any thoughts." 

Finn looked curious, and Logan offered the headphones, and after he nodded, settled the headphones over his ears. Finn frowned, and then startled, staring at Logan. "You like this?" He asked, too loudly, and Logan laughed, nodding. Finn cringed, and Thomas snorted. 

"That was more like me, yeah." 

"Hey," called a voice, and all of them except Finn, who was busy cringing, looked up. Sirius was there, raising an eyebrow. "Meeting I don't know about?" He asked, but in a way he might not have two years ago, he had a smile playing about his mouth.  

"Sorry." Thomas grinned. "Just experimenting." His eyes widened. "Will you try this, later?" 

Finn ripped the headphones off. "That made my brain want to explode." He said, shaking his head. "That's like, the bear, in music form." 

"The bear is my comfort show." Logan frowned, and Finn patted his shoulder weakly. 

"I know." Finn looked at him. "And I'm still trying to get past it."

"So, probably not, then." Sirius answered, walking up. "But come on, boys, we haven't gone long, now." Sirius said, looking a little more firm. "Focus up."

"Yeah," Thomas shoved Finn's shoulder with another wide grin. "Stop distracting us, man." And he stole Logan from beneath Finn's arm, making Pascal snort at Finn's loud noise of complaint. "Come on, listen to that on repeat, and I think you'll break the bag and the Oilers in two-" and he walked Logan away, both of them laughing. 

Finn's smile, which he'd been trying to hide for the last few minutes, curled up. As soon as Lars stepped forward to tape Logan's fingers, he slipped Thomas's headphones back on, trading with him. The pair of them headed to the bag moments later, and Finn shook his head. 

"He seems good." Pascal said, rolling out his shoulders. 

Sirius smiled at him, squeezing Remus's hand. "Definitely."

"Game day." Finn shrugged, a little more cautiously. But he was still smiling, as the pair of them laughed and started on the bag together. "But yeah," he glanced around for Leo, who was stretching out on the mat across the room and facing away, having missed the action. "I think he does, a bit."

Logan got a hat trick.  

Thomas brought their heads together when he collapsed back on the bench, panting. "It's all about how you warm up." He said, wisely, and Logan couldn't stop laughing. 

Thomas appeared, thrusting his phone in Logan's face. Everyone was showered, cooled down, waiting to get back to the hotel. "I'm not listening to more music." Logan denied, shoving Thomas's wrist away with a laugh. "I'm too tired to get worked up, again."

"It's not that." Thomas shook his head, grinning. "Check it out, we're famous."

And Logan peered at the screen more closely. And then, abruptly, he laughed. "Oh, merde-" because the tik-tok was a short clip of Logan and Thomas on the ice, celebrating after his first goal, and then on the bench, ducking their heads together. 

Jealousy, jealousy--

Logan heard the music, just about under the noise of the locker-room, and laughed. Because what he hadn't realised at the time, was Finn had been late arriving to celebrate with Logan on the ice, and had been peering down at the bench at them with a slightly flat expression. 

"Look at his face," Thomas laughed, "And oh my god, read the caption, read the caption-" He choked, laughing too hard to breathe, and Logan scanned it. 

When your best friend spends time with another friend- read the title, and Logan fell about laughing. It only got funnier, the more times he watched it.  

Finn appeared in seconds from somewhere, a grinning Leo in tow, and frowned at Logan. "Only we're meant to make you laugh that hard-" and then Thomas bent over, wheezing, and Logan lost it all over again. 

"I'm allowed-" he wheezed, choking on it. "To have-" but he lost it, too exhausted to catch himself and almost crying with laughter as the video played again, jealousy-jealousy-

James appeared next, curious, and Sirius, and Thomas was crouching down, one hand on the floor bracing him, and Logan was bent over on his knees, utterly exhausted but nearly crying with how funny it was. Thomas had closed his phone, though, and they were both so far past explaining. 

More and more of the team began to arrive, and Finn stepped closer, and Logan could only laugh harder. 

"Are they," James tilted his head curiously. "Good?" 

"Are they ever?" Finn asked, but he was clearly trying to hide a smile. He looked rather delighted to see Logan so happy. 

"You should be on the floor with exhaustion, right now." Sirius commented, raising an eye at Logan. "Do I need to make you do more laps?"

Logan waved him off, but had to wipe his eyes, and every time he looked at Thomas he nearly laughed again. Thomas straightened, still crouching though, and grabbed at Sirius's hand. "I have a new warm up song, for the team." And Logan lost it all over again. 

Logan hooked his phone up his phone the speaker, and grinned when it chirped, connected.

Thomas shook his head, grinning around at the team. "Don't say we didn't warn you." 

Logan opened the saved tik-tok, grinning, and then the beat started, and Logan turned it up a bit, and everyone seemed to pause, preparing themselves. 

Shawty had them Apple Bottom jeans, jeans

Boots with the fur, with the fur

"Alright," Finn seemed to brace himself, again. 

If you wanna run away with me,

I know a galaxy and I could take you for a ride-

"What the fuck." Remus said, suddenly. 

And we can't stop-

Take my ride-

"Oh my god-" James's eyes widened. 

Give me-give me-give me-

a man after midnight

All the crazy shit I did

And Logan nodded his head, trying to resist closing his eyes so he wouldn't miss the team's reactions. 

And we can't stop

Halla was cringing, hands coming up to cover his ears. Timmers was nodding his head along, though he looked a bit bewildered, while doing it. 

That that- that- don't kill me

Kuny was swaying to the beat. 

I got that summer time,

summer time sadness 

Pascal was wincing, and Sirius's expression was almost identical. 

On another love,

another love-

Leo was laughing, shaking his head as he beamed at Logan. 

Girllll-

Thomas was dancing along. 

Chapter Text

"I would probably recommend looking at increasing the dose, then." His psychiatrist said confidently, nodding. "Trialling it for a few days, and seeing the effects."  

"But," Logan frowned. "That would be a pretty high dose. Aren't I on a middle dose anyway? I already feel a little, um, flat on it, sometimes. And the comedown is pretty bad, some days, too." 

"Alright," she jotted it down. "And it would be the highest dose, yes. I started you on the middle of the range because of your symptoms." She tilted her head. "It varies person to person, but I've found for the long acting, especially if you say you're having alleviation of symptoms but not for the entire period-"

"Nowhere near." Logan agreed. 

"Then increasing the dose should take you into the therapeutic range for longer, which can help." She smiled kindly. "It's understandable to be nervous, especially if you're already feeling a little flat on it, but," she glanced at her notes. "Aside from that and your slightly decreased appetite-" he winced at the minor lie, because it had been a little more than slight. "You've been coping very well." She smiled at him again. "You don't need to stay on a higher dose, if it increases your anxiety or you notice physical symptoms. But again, I'd recommend what we did last time."  

"Try it on a not game day?"

"Exactly. And maybe not even the day before a game, actually." She nodded briskly. "In case you have any trouble sleeping."

"Alright." Logan agreed, uncertainly. But he trusted her. "So, I just take two?"

"No, I'll write you a new script. It's about the slow release effect, with these." She corrected, and Logan nodded. "Make sure to take it nice and early." She paused, thoughtfully. "How long after taking them are you noticing an effect?"

"After maybe an hour, I start getting a bit calmer, and then from like two hours on I can start tasks better." Logan flushed a little, but he was getting used to the brutal honesty of these conversations, now. "And then full effect at about three hours, maybe. But it dies off quickly."

"Alright." She nodded, looking strangely pleased. "Then yes, this would be my recommendation, alright?"

"Okay." Logan nodded again. "Thank you."

"You're very welcome." 

"So, she doesn't think it'll be too much?" Leo looked a little uncertain. Logan didn't blame him, he felt a little uncertain himself. But the pattern with the meds had become more predictable. He was good for a couple of hours, and then he'd started to feel a little flat, and then he'd be exhausted for most of the afternoon. He'd given up on taking it, these last few days, while waiting for the appointment. 

"No?" Logan frowned, leaning back a little more against Finn. Leo was sat cross legged on the couch, opposite him, holding Logan's ankles in his lap. "She seemed happy, actually. Like this might be even better." Logan shook his head, snorting a bit. "I thought it was already pretty good, even if it's just for a few hours, and I have a long comedown from it."

"The comedown isn't great." Finn murmured, kissing his ear gently. "But I guess if she thinks this could be better, it might be worth a go."  

"Yeah, I guess." Logan shrugged. "I don't want to keep fucking about with it, as we get further into the season." He carefully didn't mention any specifics, but they were nearly six weeks in now, and things were starting to get more exciting as the Lion's streak continued. "But maybe I try this, and then at least I'll know." 

"Sounds good, love." Leo seemed to relax a little. "So, tomorrow?" Leo paused, "You found it good on the plane last week, right?"

"Amazing, yeah." Logan relaxed back, and rolled his head comfortably against Finn's shoulder. "It was so weird."

"It was kind of weird from our end, too." Finn said, sounding amused. "You kind of nearly napped."

"Ouais." Logan snorted a bit. "I think some of the boys were worried."

"Definitely. I think Thomas thought you were getting the flu, or something." Leo smiled gently though, and he was still a little more cautious than Finn with joking about his medication. "But you seemed happier, which is the main thing." 

"The four hour flight didn't make me lose my mind, no." Logan snorted, and Finn chuckled, chest moving beneath him. "Maybe I'll sleep the whole way there, tomorrow." 

"And then we've got a training day, and the game on Friday." Finn summarised, easily. "I think that's perfect." 

"Ouais," Logan sighed, eyes closing as Leo gripped his foot. "I'm sorry to be talking about it, so much."

"Nope." Finn popped out the word, and tapped his nose, gently. "Nope. No, do not pass go, do not collect $200-" and Logan laughed, as Leo chuckled too.  

Logan was bleary eyed, the next morning. It was early. Why they needed such an early morning skate before flying out was beyond him. Especially right now, it seemed beyond him. 

He stumbled away from the too-bright bedroom with a mutter, leaving Leo and Finn tiredly changing, and ducked into the loo. He needed to remember to pack his meds, he thought, blearily. In case they got stuck in Boston, for some reason. 

He palmed the bottle, and then thought, he may as well take them. He was undoing the cap when he thought of his drink bottle, but the kitchen seemed so far away and in the end he just leaned over the sink, and sipped some water instead. 

"Hey, Lo-" 

Logan glanced up, swallowing the gulp of water in a rush. "Ouais?"

"Did you," Finn appeared in the doorway, looking oddly cheerful. "Just an idea here, maybe want the light on?"

"Non." Logan muttered, and palmed a pill. He ducked back over the sink, and gulped some water to swallow it down with. And then he straightened, and abruptly his brain caught up with his actions, and he froze. 

"Lo?" Finn peered at him, and then with a quiet oath, flicked the light on. They squinted at each other. "Hey," Finn tried again. "What's wrong?" 

"Did I-" Logan frowned. "Wait, did I already take one?" He brought the amber bottle up to eye height, and frowned at it.  

"Shit." Finn's eyes widened, and he glanced at the pottle too. "Did you? I don't know, I didn't see, I only came in like, ten seconds ago." 

Logan closed his eyes, trying to recall. He'd come into the bathroom, he'd grabbed the bottle, he'd thought about his drink bottle, he'd- had he taken a pill out already when he ducked to take his first sip of water? 

"Shoot, Lo, that's the higher dose too." Finn's voice went a little higher, with stress. 

"I'm pretty sure I didn't." Logan hesitated though, and glanced at the white pills. An idea occurred to him, and he looked up hopefully. "Can I count the pills? The script will say how many, right?"

"Yes," Finn sagged with relief. "Yes, definitely, let's do that."

"Oh," Logan abruptly remembered why that wouldn't work, and winced. "Fuck." 

"What?" Finn stepped closer, and actually stole the pottle as if he'd count them himself. "What's wrong?"

"I dropped a few, remember? I was going to put a few into my bag, instead of taking them all," Logan winced. "But I spilt a few down the sink and decided that was a shit idea." He shook his head. "I don't know how many got lost."

"Shit." Finn frowned at him, and hesitated. "Well, do you remember opening the pottle twice?"

Logan hesitated, and then shook his head. "No, I don't think so. I'd remember that, right?"

Finn hesitated, rather looking like he was trying to figure out the right answer. 

"It's too early for you to be polite." Logan said, hearing the touch of fondness below the tiredness in his voice. 

"Well then, honestly, maybe not?" Finn winced. "Sorry."

"It's fine." Logan smiled a little, but then his eyes caught again on the pills and he blew out a frustrated breath. "You're probably right. But I'm pretty sure I took a sip of water, and was planning to grab a pill after. Cause when you came in, I swallowed the water, and I think I had the thought that I'd need to take another sip." He was pretty confident. Like, 60% sure. Which wasn't great, but probably fine. "I'm sure it's fine." 

"Alright." Finn relaxed a little. "Phew, then." He smiled faintly. "It's good you remembered to take it, I guess?"

Logan snorted, nodding. "Ouais," he leaned up to kiss Finn's lips, before passing through the bathroom door. "Maybe I'll sleep through the meeting, too." 

"That's what I was coming to tell you," Finn turned with him. "We just got a text on the chat, morning skate is mandatory."

"Okay." Logan said, and then blinked, realising. Shoot. She'd recommended not taking it with- 

"Lo?" Finn was watching him quizzically. "Alright?"

Logan hadn't told the others that, actually. "Ouais," he smiled tiredly. "Just waking up, sorry." Whoops. 

"Breakfast, Lo, come on-" and Leo ushered him into the kitchen. He'd been up even earlier than them, only returning to their room to wake them and change, before coming back to the kitchen. Logan smiled gratefully, kissing Leo's gently in thanks. "Your coffee is this one." 

"Merci, Beurré." He murmured, and accepted his plate of eggs. He was hungry, this morning. And he knew by now that on a medication day, his appetite would shrivel up and actually make it rather hard to eat. Leo had, without any input from Logan, signed himself up as chief food reminder, and had also signed himself up as chief snack distributor. Logan didn't like it, and felt guilty, but for right now, he seemed to need it. 

It had mostly been enough, to have kept him going. 

He ate a decent breakfast and, still half asleep, took the closest mug to his hand and sipped at his milky coffee. That was another change, too. Decaffeinated coffee, on medication days. 

He sighed a little sadly, but it tasted good this morning, and with the medication he hardly needed the coffee. He was strangely excited, now that it was happening, to see what the higher dose might do. He snorted, and Leo glanced up at him from his own barstool. "Love?" He smiled, and Logan smiled back. 

"Wondering what today will be like." He revealed, and Leo nodded. 

"Fair enough, Lo." He reached out, squeezed Logan's hand. "Hopefully a good one, hey." And then suddenly he looked down, and frowned. "Shoot, didn't I say, Lo? The dark blue mug was for Finn, yours was in the-" he looked around, and saw the light blue mug across the side. "Yours was this one, that was the decaf." 

"Shoot, yeah, you did say, that was my fault." Logan winced. "Whoops, Finn'll be cross."

"Did you already take your meds?" Leo asked, looking a little anxious. "You said it could make side effects worse, right? Make you anxious?" 

Logan hesitated, but shrugged. "Maybe a little, Leo." The coffee had been a big one, actually, and had tasted rather strong. Finn's usual coffee was stronger than Logan liked it anyway, even if he had been after some caffeine. He didn't want to worry Leo, though. "I'm sure it'll be fine."  

"Alright." Leo looked apologetic. "Sorry, Lo, I didn't think." 

"That was my fault, Knutty." Logan soothed, sending him a small smile. "It's my fault because I'm still half asleep." He stood, abandoning his breakfast without thought. "I'll make Finn another one."

Logan slid into the back, and Finn reversed his truck back carefully. Leo was turning up the heat, beanie tucked down tight over his ears. Logan was bouncing his knee, feeling strangely anxious. His knee was bouncing a little. He felt a little strange. "So, it's definitely ice training, today?" He asked suddenly, trying to remember. Finn had told him that, right? His thoughts were bouncing. 

"Yeah," Leo nodded, glancing over his shoulder. "And a short hit of weights, apparently, because the gym tomorrow isn't going to be as big as we're used to."

Logan frowned in confusion, but Leo showed him the chat, the message from Sirius. "Oh, whoops." He blinked as he yanked his phone out of his pocket. "Mine is still on silent."

Leo and Finn shared a fond look, in the front seat. 

"Thanks everyone," Arthur nodded, stepping away from the board. "I appreciate your patience with the change of plans. It came from higher up." 

"Let's go, boys." Sirius said, standing, and Logan stood with relief. Time to get moving. 

Logan started to feel a little strange, during warm up.

He was on the treadmill, for his allocated ten minutes, when he started to pant. He actually looked down, to double check how long he'd been on there for. Just over seven minutes, and he was actually, shit, Logan wiped his forehead. He was actually feeling warm.   

He reached for the buttons at the ten minute mark with a bit of relief, and slowed to a walk. His heart was hammering, and he was sweating. Not helping matters was the fact that his breakfast seemed to be sitting rather heavily in his stomach, although he didn't remember eating that much.   

He walked for a bit longer, turning down the music coming through his headphones. It sounded a little loud, today.  

He headed for the bikes, joining Remus with a nod, and settled in. He couldn't quite match Remus's pace, and he felt an odd little flicker of nerves. 

Maybe he hadn't slept enough last night? Logan blinked suddenly, shit, well, he hadn't finished his breakfast. That was probably it. Maybe he should have a snack, before hitting the ice. 

Logan stuffed the small ear buds in with relief, even before Arthur moved towards the board. The noise of the room was bothering him today. The quiet steadiness he'd come to associate with the medication hadn't hit, yet. He glanced at the clock, blinking a little to bring it into focus, and frowned. It had been over an hour. He was usually starting to feel something, by now.   

But all he was feeling was rather tired, and sweaty. The team was cheerful around him, loud and excited for the next few days. Logan could really only manage to slump in his stall. He felt flat. And a little anxious, actually. 

Finn was still over chatting loudly with Thomas and Halla, and normally Logan might've followed him. But right now, he sat with his phone in his hand, and pretended to be texting. 

He couldn't quite focus enough to re-read the chat from that morning, though, and he didn't have the energy to open his emails. 

He was kind of almost craving the steadiness that the medication offered, this morning. He was eager for the quieting of his thoughts that still hadn't arrived, as the itchiness in his chest grew. He squinted at his phone, screen oddly bright, and then gave up. 

Maybe the team would think he was listening to music, or something. He slipped his big headphones on over the small in-ear buds, and relaxed a little in the quiet. 

Had he remembered to pack his meds for the flight back? Logan couldn't remember. He had a feeling they'd get home and find them still sat on the side in the bathroom. 

Shit. Logan shook his head to try and clear it, but the cloudy fuzziness only seemed to be worsening. 

His skates were on, and his gear, and Arthur wouldn't want to hold them up much before- someone clapped his shoulder, and Logan flinched, startling.    

Kuny's grin faded away into worry, as he peered at him. Logan hurried to grab his headphones off, "Sorry, Kuny, man," Logan managed a weak grin. "Sorry, missed that, what were you saying?"  

Logan stepped out onto the ice in relief. Listening to Arthur, even through the headphones, had proved challenging today. He needed to get his head screwed on straight, and to do that, he needed the ice. 

"Again, Tremz-" Arthur called, sounding a little bemused. 

Logan didn't blame him. He'd flown through the plays earlier in the week, practically the first time running them. But Arthur had switched the lines, and suddenly with James on the far wing and Sirius tapping for the puck up the centre, Logan seemed to have lost the rhythm of any it.  

"Fuck," Logan muttered, as Leo palmed the puck. He braked hard, and Pascal skated up to clap his shoulder.  

"Again, Tremz." He encouraged, and Logan fist bumped Leo before they headed back up the ice. 

Logan gripped his stick more tightly, and couldn't help but feel like today might be a write off, in terms of his game. "Sorry, Dumo." Logan muttered, and Pascal shook his head. 

"This time." 

Logan flicked the puck in neatly, above Kasey's right knee, and sagged in relief, rather than happiness. 

"Yes, Lo-" Finn appeared, grabbing his shoulders warmly. "Good one." And Finn looked pleased, maybe that Logan had finally scored in their scrambling offence. 

Logan couldn't quite catch his breath, as they circled behind the net. He was skating more slowly than he usually would, when Pascal joined them. "D'accord?" Pascal checked, and maybe he'd seen Logan almost fall, by the net. His skates had seemed to just, slip, from beneath him. "The net?" He asked, and Logan winced. Pascal had seen, then. 

"I'm fine-" Logan started. 

"Logan!" Called a sudden voice, and he looked up. Lars was beckoning him, and Logan hesitated, glancing at Arthur.  

Arthur nodded though, firmly, and waved him off the ice. 

Logan had an odd sense of relief, as he sank down onto the back row of the bench. 

"Was I seeing a limp out there, Logan?" Lars asked, crouching in front of him, and Logan dropped his stick beside him rather gratefully. He lifted his helmet off, and palmed his mouth guard. His knee was actually behaving itself, but he rubbed his chest, which felt strangely tight. "Logan?" Lars tapped his knee. "One to ten for pain?"

"Three, maybe." Logan said, without much thought, but he wasn't actually talking about his knee. His chest felt almost, tight. 

Remus had traded onto Pascal's line, now, and seemed to be enjoying battling it out with Sirius up the centre, as Pascal ducked out to the right and called sharply for the puck. "It's okay, I just-" Logan cut himself off, clearing his throat to stop himself from being too honest, but Lars glanced up sharply.  

"Logan?" Lars peered at him. "Hey, are you alright?" Logan shrugged, wordlessly, and Lars frowned. He turned, grabbing a poweraid and thrusting it at Logan firmly. "Have this, take a minute, then we'll have a chat. Alright?"    

At this point, Logan knew he'd normally be arguing to get back on the ice. But he couldn't seem to straighten from his slump back on the bench. He was mainly focused on hiding his relief. The rest of the Lions were stood waiting their turn on the ice, watching the puck travel up and down as Arthur called different plays, with hungry eyes.   

Logan twisted the bottle open, and downed half of it before he realised what was happening. The cool drink soothed his throat a little, which he realised rather late was feeling oddly tight. 

He rubbed his chest again, as Arthur called for a change of lines, and then Lars was there. "PT, maybe, Logan?"   

Logan, tiredly, nodded. He stood, ducking to get his helmet, and tried to ignore how difficult it was to stand up. 

Logan gave in without argument, nodding tiredly, and bent to grab his helmet. 

Lars frowned at him, a little thrown by his lack of argument. He'd been a bit off all morning, and Arthur had agreed with Lars to pull him off after he'd slipped at the net. They'd assumed it was his knee. But now, Lars wasn't sure. 

Once he was lying on the PT bed, stripped of much of his gear and onto his second bottle of poweraid, Logan felt a bit better. The slight dizziness he'd been feeling had abated too. He'd only really noticed it, once it was gone. 

"How's that, Logan?" Lars stretched his knee up, and Logan paused, but then shrugged. "Any worse?" He checked. 

"No," Logan relaxed as Lars released him, sitting up and swinging his legs over the side. "I don't know, maybe I just, twisted wrong. I slipped." Logan found Lars watching him, carefully. "I think I'm alright."  

"You were a bit slow though, getting up." Lars tilted his head. "You didn't hit your head?"

"Non." Logan denied, immediately. "I'm just," Logan hesitated, but he was starting to trust Lars. "I'm feeling a bit wiped, today." He was. He flushed a bit, embarrassed. He was still sweaty and warm. "I don't know why."

"Alright." Lars considered him. "Finish that," he nodded at the bottle in his hand. "And then we'll see where we are." He hesitated, "Can I check your glucose, Logan?" 

Logan flushed a little more, but nodded. 

Lars grabbed the small little black machine, and took his proffered hand. "Sharp stick." He murmured, and Logan blinked as his finger stung. A small drop of blood, and Lars waited somewhat impatiently, for the result to pop up. The handheld device beeped, and Lars relaxed. "Normal." He glanced up. "You've eaten today?"

"I had a good breakfast, yeah." Logan nodded. "And a packet of nuts after warm up." He sucked a bit more of the poweraid. "And I've had two of these." 

"Alright." Lars frowned though. "Your blood pressure was good, and your glucose is fine, so I'm not too sure. Did you sleep?"  

"Not that well." Logan shook his head. He'd had strange dreams. 

"Maybe it's that simple, then." Lars peered at him. "Are you feeling up to weights?" He raised an eyebrow. "Be honest, please." 

"Definitely." Logan nodded. He was feeling much better, now. "I'm fine, Lars. I'm just, feeling a bit," he shook his head. "Like, wiped." 

"Alright." Lars clapped his shoulder gently. "Keep me posted." 

Sirius was braced above Logan, hands a few centimetres under the bar. "Nice, Tremz." He praised, and Logan exhaled, as the bar clanked back into place.

Sirius moved around to his side, and rolled up. 

It had been part of the agreement of letting Logan back on weights this week, that Sirius would partner with him, and he'd wait before sitting up. To make my job of catching you easier, he'd had joked, but he'd also meant it. 

Logan nodded. "I'm good, Cap."

Sirius scanned him, but nodded, looking pleased. "Alright." He turned away. "Think we've got one more set, then we're done." 

"D'accord." Logan ignored the angry throb in his head, and accepted the drink bottle Sirius passed across. "Merci."  

"Let's load up, boys." Moody called, and Logan picked up his bag heavily. He was still feeling too hot, after the showers. He felt like he'd barely been able to cool down from training. 

"Alright?" Leo appeared beside him, bag hoisted easily over his own shoulder. 

Logan nodded wordlessly, and Finn appeared to grin at Leo. "You looked like you were rocking the weights today, Knutty." 

"Felt good." Leo smiled, and Logan quietly admired the line of his shoulders as the pair of them talked.

God, his chest was aching. Had he overdone it yesterday? He couldn't remember.  

"You good, Tremz?"  

Logan looked up, and found the locker room emptying out. Finn and Leo were hovering a few steps away, frowning at him. "Shit." Logan blinked, "Sorry, in my own head, today." He walked forward, managing a bit of a laugh. "Can you make sure I get on the right plane?" 

"Ha," Finn snorted. "I guess we'll try." 

Logan glanced away, patting his pockets down as he paused at the door. "Shoot, where's my phone?"  

Leo raised an eyebrow, and reached out to tug at Logan's left hand. "Um, here?"

Logan stared at his phone, and Finn laughed. "Jeez, Lo, you falling asleep?" He looked curious though, and he clearly meant, how are you feeling? 

"A little, maybe." Logan tried to laugh, but he knew he sounded unsure. "I feel a bit knackered." He admitted, as they walked down the corridor. And anxious, but he didn't say that.  

"Huh." Finn frowned at him. "That's no good, Lo."

"Might have a nap on the plane." Logan said, because he felt like he needed one. But he also felt like he might not ever sleep again, a sort of jittery energy beginning to take hold. "Do you know if I remembered to put my meds in?" It had been bothering him, that he might've forgotten. Making him anxious at the thought of getting on a plane without them, now, even though he'd done it hundreds of times before. 

"Oh," Leo frowned. "No, I didn't check."

"Oh, god, no, it's not your job to check," Logan reassured him, instantly, flushing. "I just can't remember doing it." He shrugged, rubbing his chest. He needed to joke, he needed to reassure them- "Guess maybe I'll be sleeping the way there and pacing on the way back." His smile was a little weak, but it was there. 

Finn chuckled a little, but Leo seemed to be watching Logan's hand with a faint frown. 

The bus journey to the airport was strange. Logan found his seat, sliding in. Leo followed him, Finn settling beside Kasey in the row opposite. And once he was there, he closed his eyes. 

"You gonna nap?" Leo asked, quietly, and Logan hummed. 

"Maybe," he yawned. "Yeah." His brain felt strange. Not the quiet that he'd come to associate with the medication, but a little stretched, like it was struggling to keep up with his thoughts. He felt anxious, and glanced at Leo. "Sorry." 

"Don't be." Leo stretched out a little, smiling faintly. "Might join you. Lean on me, Lo, if you need to."

Getting off at the airport and going through security proved a true test of Logan's patience. He had to take his headphones off, which he'd been wearing since the bus because the team was loud, and got pulled aside for a random check. 

Probably because he looked like he was nervous enough to be smuggling something through, bouncing as he had been in the queue.

"Please stand still, sir." The blank faced security guard said, and Logan froze. 

He chewed on his lip while the man waved a metal detector over him. It beeped loudly at his neck, and Logan flinched, but hurriedly showed them his necklace. His hand was shaking, and he clenched it into a fist, back at his side.

He was beginning to feel horribly anxious, like maybe he had forgotten that he had some contraband in his pocket, and was about to be arrested. It grew even worse, by the time they let him go. 

"They've got you clocked, huh." James teased, from where he was slinging his jersey back on. He'd been stopped too.  

"You as well hey," Logan could hear how strong his accent was, and blinked. "-Pots."

"Maybe." James glanced at him. "You good, Tremz?" 

"I'm good." Logan lied, and hid his hands in his large jersey pocket, sliding his headphones back around his neck. "Ready?"  

Sirius was waiting, Remus beside him, a few steps ahead. Finn and Leo had wandered on, and Logan sighed a little to see that they were finally relaxing. Good. That was good.  

He tried to ignore the thought that maybe they were just a bit bored of his up and down moods. 

"Good, Tremz?" Sirius asked, when they reached them, and Logan rolled his eyes.  

"When are you all going to stop worrying, eh?" He managed a smile, but rubbed at his chest, anxiety flaring. He felt guilty for worrying them, but he couldn't help the thread of irritation at the constant questions, either.  

"Never." Sirius said, calmly, and draped a long arm around Logan's shoulders. His irritation eased, and he finally relaxed a little. 

Remus and James walked a few steps ahead, and Logan ran a hand through his hair, tiredly. "Fair enough." Logan mustered a smile. "I'd be the same if you'd taken a dive off the bench." Sirius winced at him. "But it won't happen again. I'm good, Cap."

"Alright." Sirius squeezed his shoulders a little. "Excited for Friday?" Sirius asked, instead of questioning him more. And they talked quietly in French, as they crossed the large lounge towards their gate.  

Logan felt settled, almost for the first time all day, beneath Sirius's arm. But when they reached the rest of the team, milling about waiting to board, Sirius released him. Remus took his hand instead with a smile, and for a moment, Logan felt utterly adrift. 

And then a long arm landed where Sirius's had been, and Logan relaxed. He tried to ignore how tight his chest was feeling, as he looked up at Leo with a smile. "Hi, Beurré." 

"Hey, Lo." Leo smiled warmly. "Didn't get arrested, then?"

"Not this time." Logan laughed softly. 

"Lo, Knutty was showing me yet another tik-tok," Finn leaned forward and shook his head, grinning. "Everyone keeps using the jealous sound, and zooming in on my face, whenever you sit somewhere else on the bench."  

Logan smiled faintly as everyone laughed. "Thought you weren't the jealous type?" He leaned towards Leo rather pointedly. He heard how his accent was curling around the words, catching in odd places, today, and blinked. 

Finn's eyes sharpened on his, and he actually flushed a little, beneath James's next teasing chirp that he missed.

Logan managed to wink at Finn, but looked at James to try and listen as he went on. His ears were ringing, a little. 

"-love that the cubs are the ones getting tik-tok famous."

 Sirius laughed, nodding. "Just glad it's not us." He and James exchanged an amused look, and Remus laughed. 

Logan shifted a little, glancing behind them as several of the team laughed. He kind of needed the loo. Should he go now? There was more laughter from the other side, and the team was in a good place. Was in a good mood. Logan felt a little like he was separated from them by a pane of glass. Or maybe, cotton wool, stuffed in his ears. 

"-don't you reckon, Tremz?" Finn was suddenly grinning at him, and Logan blinked. Finn raised an eyebrow, but Logan shook his head minutely in apology, and Finn winced, but covered it quickly with another grin at Sirius. "You agree with me, right Cap?" 

"Alright?" Leo whispered, into his ear, and Logan nodded. But his stomach was lurching with anxiety, and his heart was beginning to hammer again. 

And within a few seconds, beneath Leo's warm arm, he started to feel a little confined. "I'm good." Logan muttered, and shifted. "I might just go to the loo."  

"Alright." Leo glanced around, and spotted the sign Logan had. "See you in a second." 

Logan dropped his bag at Leo's feet, and slipped away.

He pulled his headphones up, even though he wasn't playing music, before he'd taken half a dozen steps. 

Finn, rather unable to help it, frowned worriedly after Logan. He glanced at Leo, and found him watching after after him too with a slightly bemused look on his face. Leo turned, and they exchanged a split second look, and- Well, that decided it. Finn dropped his back pack, side stepped James, and hurried after Logan. 

Logan leaned forward over the sink, rubbing his chest. 

"Lo?" It was muffled, beneath the noise cancelling quiet. 

He looked up, and found Finn watching him from a few steps away, face creased with worry. He pulled his headphones off, and tried to smile.

"Hey," Finn softened. "You okay?"

"I," Logan looked down at where he was gripping the sink. "I just, I'm feeling a bit-" he trailed off again, and Finn stepped closer. Maybe he could tell, though, that Logan was anxious. Because he waited, instead of just scooping him up in a hug immediately. 

"Lo?" Softer, again. 

Somehow, the bathroom was empty. But somebody could walk in at any moment, and that was enough to make Logan's chest just clench. 

"Hey, hey," Finn stepped closer, and squeezed his shoulder, the back of his neck, gently. "What's going on?" 

"I had the wrong coffee, this morning." Logan finally admitted. "I accidentally drank the caffeinated one," He met Finn's suddenly worried gaze in the mirror. "And I feel really just," he squeezed his hands harder on the sink, to stop them from shaking. "I feel really stressed." He meant, anxious.   

"Shit, Lo." Finn exhaled. "I'm sorry, that's so shit. And with the higher dose, too." Finn was talking so quietly, but Logan's heart jumped, and automatically glanced away, scanning to make sure the bathroom was still empty. 

"Yeah," Logan's chest was tight. Maybe their training hadn't helped, either. "I'm sorry, I know it's not real, but, just before-" could he say it? Finn hummed softly, shifting, and Logan exhaled again. "Just before, I got worried you were going to be mad, because I wasn't listening." And it was an old fear, Finn's going to get bored of you, Leo's going to get bored of you, they're going to get angry, you don't listen and they'll think you don't care, you can't explain and they'll think you don't-    

"Nope." Finn popped the p softly, stopping the train wreck of his thoughts. "Nobody's mad here. Leo's definitely not mad. And Sirius, Remus and James aren't mad either."

Logan closed his eyes, because his head was pounding with the fact that they hate you, what if they hate you- "Are you sure?" He managed, and Finn made a worried noise, then he turned from the sink a little desperately, and Finn pulled him into a tight hug. 

"I'm so sure, that I'm a very sure thing." Finn joked softly, squeezing him reassuringly. 

If someone came in, they'd see a friend comforting another friend.   

"Okay." Logan breathed, but his chest lurched a moment later because what if someone came in, and after a moment he forced himself to pull back. "I swear I'm okay," he smiled as much as he could, but his heart was still pounding. "I just, I think I need to get on the plane. And then we'll be on our way, and I'll be fine." He needed to settle back into his head, somehow, and being surrounded by the team might do it.  

"Alright." Finn scanned him, wincing at whatever he found. "I'm sorry, Lo. This is so shitty." 

"It's fine. I'm fine." Logan lied, and leaned over the sink. "Just going to splash my face." And he paused, waiting for Finn to leave. 

"You want a minute?" Finn asked, bluntly, and Logan closed his eyes, but nodded. 

"Just need a second." He managed, and Finn nodded. 

"I'll be outside." Finn brushed his back gently, and then was gone. 

Logan leaned over the sink, and his hands were shaking. 

Get it together, Tremblay. 

His trembling hands rather seemed to be mocking him. 

"Alright?" Remus asked kindly, when they got back to the gate. 

"Fine." Logan muttered, and tried to ignore the jolt of anxiety that came with the question. He shouldered his backpack, and glanced around. 

"Load up-" called a voice, and Logan hid from Finn's worry in the shuffle onto the plane. 

Leo settled opposite Finn at one of the tables, and Logan hesitated. In the end, Thomas made the decision for him. "Dibs." He cried, and slid in beside Finn. "Now I can make sure you're not cheating." Thomas glanced up with a grin. "Fancy playing this time?" 

Logan couldn't imagine anything much worse than having to concentrate on a card game, right now. "No, you're alright." He said, with a quick shake of his head. 

"Spare seat?" Timmers appeared, glancing at Logan. "You playing, man?" 

"No," Logan shook his head. "Go for it." 

Finn was getting out the deck of cards from his pocket, but both he and Leo were watching Logan with a slightly worried look. 

"Might catch up with Dumo." Logan muttered, and turned down the plane before either of them could 

"Is he good?" Thomas quietly asked, but Logan heard his low question, and winced, hurrying on to avoid Finn's response. He slipped past Sirius, who was waiting to slide in beside Remus, and found Pascal in his usual spot near the back. 

"Can I join you?" Logan asked, hesitating above him, and Pascal looked up with a little bit of surprise. 

"Of course." He shifted his bag. "Do you want the window?" 

Hiding away, with Pascal between him and the rest of the team, sounded pretty good. But it seemed ridiculous to ask- 

Pascal was already standing, shuffling out into the aisle to make room. "Go on." He said, simply, and Logan sighed in relief.  

"All good, Tremz?" 

He nodded, without looking at Sirius, because he felt a little nauseous, now. "Fine." He replied, and slipped in beside the window. 

Pascal settled back beside him, and did up his seatbelt. "Are you alright?" Pascal asked quietly, touching his wrist lightly. 

Logan pulled his arm away, a little rudely, and swallowed. He peered out the window, and nodded. "I'm fine." 

"Logan," Pascal sounded a little disbelieving, and Logan shut his eyes. 

"I tried the higher dose today." He murmured, under his breath, and Pascal went still. "I didn't realise we had training, and," he felt rather out of control. The noise of the plane seemed to be growing. "She said it might help, but all it's done is make me feel, like," Logan shook his head weakly, sagging back against the seat. "All it's done is make me feel tired and shitty and stressed."  

"Oh, Logan." Pascal sighed. "I'm sorry, my son." 

"It's fine." Logan muttered, even though it wasn't. "I just feel kind of horrible."

"Alright." Pascal sounded concerned. "Everything's okay, Logan." He murmured. "Try your headphones, and I'm right here, if you need anything." 

"Thank you." Logan managed, and he clenched his eyes closed as they stupidly began to heat. He slipped his headphones up, and then drew his hood up over his head too. He'd forgotten his hat. The thought almost made him cry. But the slight shading for his eyes seemed to help the headache, that was only really getting worse. "I'm fine." He lied. 

A gentle hand landed on his wrist, and squeezed. I'm here, it meant. 

Half an hour into the flight, Logan was beginning to feel more than a little unwell. His stomach began to churn, and after another few minutes, true nausea rolled through him. 

His heart was pounding in his chest, and Logan shifted as he wondered abruptly if he was about to be sick. He pulled his headphones off and stood, "Sorry-" and Pascal startled, but shifted out of the way hurriedly. 

"Are you alright?" Pascal tried to catch his arm, but Logan slipped past him and ducked into the loo that was thankfully down their end of the plane.

He slammed the door, and stood above the toilet for a moment, stomach roiling, bracing himself. After a moment, the acute risk of being ill seemed to pass, and Logan sagged, leaning weakly on the sink. He was sweating, and after a moment, he pulled his sweatshirt off. It dropped to the floor, and Logan couldn't imagine having the energy to pick it up. It left him in his thin long sleeve, and he was still too hot.

Another moment of hovering, and he closed the lid gratefully as the nausea seemed to pass, and sunk down onto the closed toilet dizzily. 

"Logan?" There was a sharp knock on the door. "Can you open the door? Are you alright?" 

"I didn't lock it." Logan managed, and permission given, the door slipped open, Pascal sticking his head in.  

"What's wrong?" He cried, opening the door further and leaning forward to grip his shoulder. "Are you feeling dizzy again?" 

"Yeah," Logan, abruptly, was. "I don't feel well." He managed, and Pascal swore softly. 

"Shit, okay," the toilet was far too cramped for them both, and Pascal swore again. "Alright, okay, let's get you back to our seat, hang on-" it was hard, but Pascal just about managed to help him up, and then they were out. It was cooler out there, and Logan felt himself strangely deep breaths, almost gulping for air.  

"I don't feel well." Logan repeated, dizzily, and he realised abruptly that he was going to pass out. "Dumo-" his legs went tingly and strange, and then he was collapsing into Pascal. 

"Sirius-" Pascal cried, above him, and Logan swung forward limply. 

Strong arms caught him with a muttered oath, "Fuck-" and then Logan was gone, into the grey mist. 

"Sirius-" shouted Pascal, and Sirius whipped around. 

Pascal was bracing a grey-faced Logan a few steps away, a panicked look on his face. 

"Shit-" Remus cried, and Sirius was moving. Logan went utterly limp and started to fall forwards, and Sirius caught him.  

"Logan-" Pascal hissed, and then Sirius was helping him onto the ground. 

"On his side," Remus was above them, abruptly. "Get him on his side," and Remus helped roll him. Logan was out, sweating, eyes rolled back. 

"He said he was feeling unwell, but-" Pascal was pale, looking up at Remus desperately as he knelt beside Logan and began his checks. 

"Get Lars-" Remus barked, and his face was utterly focused. "Sirius," he glanced up for a split second, "You need to get Lars, his pulse is all over the place-" Remus looked panicked. 

Remus never looked panicked. 

Sirius began to move, as if to stand, but before he could, someone brushed past him. 

"I'm right here." Lars snapped, and Sirius found himself being shifted out of the way. He stood, moving, and knelt behind Logan's head. He could hear voices, panic from further up the plane. "What do we know?"

"He felt unwell," Pascal was gripping Sirius's shoulder, hand on Logan's leg. It was a tight squeeze in the aisle, as Lars began his checks. "He felt unwell, but he didn't, he didn't say much, he just, that he was hot-" 

"Alright. Moody," Lars glanced up, "My bag, quickly-" he called loudly, and Sirius caught a glimpse of a plane full of his team, standing up above their seats peering their way with wide eyes. 

"Here-" it was dumped at Lars' right, and Moody crouched down. "What do we know?"

"Glucose," Lars thrust the small monitor at Remus, who immediately bent over Logan's hand, and he switched on the small heart rate monitor, sliding it over Logan's finger. He bent over Logan's head as it began to beep. Even Sirius could tell it was way too fast, and Lars exchanged a worried look with Moody.

"What's happening?" Called a panicked voice, and Sirius winced, exchanging a horrified look with Pascal. Logan was still unconscious, eyes rolled back, and lips strangely colourless. 

"Wait there, Finn-" Moody barked, barely turning his head. "We're figuring it out, we've got him-" and then Finn was a few steps away, being held back by Thomas. 

"Lo-" he shouted, and tried to get free, "Wait, wait, I need to see him-" he was utterly panicked. "No, Lo-" but then Leo was there, catching him up, and Thomas too, and the aisle was crowded, but they managed to stay back. "Is he awake?" Finn asked, sounding horrified.  

"Logan-" Lars bent over his head, tapping his cheek. "Logan, can you hear me?" And he tapped a little more firmly, and Sirius inhaled shakily at the total lack of response. 

"Logan-" Leo sounded near tears, and Timmy was there, and between him and Thomas, they managed to keep Leo and Finn at bay. 

"We need to wait," Thomas said firmly, above them all. "We just need to wait, it'll be like last time-" but Sirius was thinking, it felt different. It felt so entirely different -

"Glucose is high normal," Remus reported, abruptly, and Lars swore. 

"Heart rate is still 150," the three of them exchanged looks, and then Lars was threading on a blood pressure cuff. "Chest, Moody-" and he was swinging out a stethoscope, lifting Logan's shirt, and even Sirius could see how much effort Logan was putting into his breaths. It was noisy, too.

"Noisy, sounding like fluid-" 

"Logan-" Pascal exhaled, weakly, and they were both still there, as the three medics did their work. 

"We need oxygen." Remus barked, suddenly. "His lips are blue, oxygenation is dropping-" 

"Fuck." Sirius managed. 

"Everyone back in their seats-" Remus ordered, standing, "Now, I need to get through-" and he was moving, and Finn and Leo were shoved out of the way by their defensemen, and Remus was meeting the flight attendant midway, the mask and small oxygen tank handed over.  

"This is something else-" Lars was shaking his head, "What's-"

"His blood pressure is sky high." Moody said, abruptly, and he looked over his shoulder as Remus crashed back to his knees, fiddling with the mask and sliding it over Logan's face. "Arthur," he barked. "We need to land this plane ASAP-"

"On it." Arthur called back, and he was hovering beyond Finn and Leo.

"Logan-" Sirius inhaled, and squeezed his shoulder. "Logan, please-" 

"Wait, wait," Finn was suddenly pulling free, hurrying forward though Thomas tried to catch him. "Lars-" his eyes were wide as he knelt just behind Remus, "He took a higher dose today of his meds, today." 

"And he drank the wrong coffee!" Leo added, sounding choked, his cheeks wet with tears.  

"He-" Finn swallowed, staring at Logan's lax face. "He thought he might have taken two."

"Find me his medication." Lars ordered, and Finn sprang back to his feet, and Sirius reached over Logan's limp legs to grab his back pack. "Find me the dosage-" and task given, Finn bent over Logan's bag, expertly pulling his gear out. "Overdose?" Lars looked at Moody, who nodded. 

"Looking like it." Moody shook his head. "Shit, kid." And he was gripping Logan's wrist. Feeling his pulse, Sirius realised. The beeping was getting faster. 

"Pilots are getting a faster route-" Arthur appeared. "They're saying Boston is still closest."

"I need a doctor on the phone, now." Lars barked, and Arthur nodded. He glanced at Moody. "We need at least one IV in," he glanced around them, at the small space they were working in. "And then we need to get him into a bigger space."

"Why?" Sirius asked, with numb lips, but nobody even looked up. Only Pascal responded, by gripping his shoulder even more tightly.  

"HR's hit 160." Remus reported. "I've got him on 2L, efforts decreasing a bit. No signs he's coming out of it though, Lars." His voice was so tight. 

"Okay, alright." Lars exhaled, and then Arthur was speaking above them. 

"-need you to speak to my medic, please, we've got a medical emergency on our plane-" and Sirius's head was just, buzzing.  

"I've got them-" Finn cried, and thrust the pottle towards Lars. 

"Shit, that's a high dosage," Lars' face contorted with worry, and he gave Moody an agonised look. "If he's had two, we could definitely be in overdose territory." 

"Effort's better." Remus reported suddenly, and Moody was listening to Logan's chest again. 

"Bit better, still sounding like fluid." Moody shook his head, and Lars nodded, and then Arthur was holding out the phone. 

"Here-" 

"Hi, my name is Lars, I'm currently on a plane between Gryffindor and Boston-" his voice firmed up a bit. "We have a possible accidental stimulant overdose in a 23 year old NHL hockey player-" and it went on, and on, and on. 

Chapter Text

"You can't get in the way." Thomas said roughly, and held him back easily, though Finn was straining forward in the aisle.

Leo was being held back by Kasey now, a few steps behind them, but when Finn lifted his arm, Leo was released, and shot to his side instantly. "You have to let them work-" Thomas repeated, to both of them. He was gripping them both, and Finn felt a little like it was the only thing that was keeping them upright.

They were too far away. Sirius and Pascal were helping them lay Logan out on his back, limp as he was. And Finn understood why more hands wouldn't help, but his heart was fracturing with panic, and Thomas had to keep holding him back.  

"I can't breathe." Finn managed, and Leo's arm tightened around his waist. "I really can't breathe, right now." 

"For him, you have to, right now." Thomas said, somehow steady, above them both. "Keep breathing, right now, for him."  

"Le-" Finn whispered, and Leo curled in even closer. He could feel Leo's heart, pounding in his chest.  

"I'm here." Leo whispered. 

They were getting IV's in, and there was a flash of blood that made Finn flinch, "-blood pressure's ridiculous," and then Remus was there, and Lars was nodding. "Good, yep-" and the doctor was still on the phone, talking rapidly, talking painfully fast, with words that Finn just didn't understand.   

There was something heavy on his chest. Something heavy- had something fallen? Had he fallen? What was on his chest? 

Logan coughed, painfully, and there were suddenly loud voices everywhere. Something was pressing on his face, his nose, and he reached up clumsily, to knock it off. 

"Leave the mask alone, Logan," someone said firmly, above him. "Keep it on, just try and slow your breathing down-"   

"Slow your breathing down, Lo," someone else said, more softly. "Can you try, for me?" And Logan vaguely recognised that he had a long history of following the orders from the owner of that voice, so he tried.   

He inhaled, but his breath stuttered, and he realised abruptly that he was panting. His eyes flicked open in panic, because he couldn't slow it down, and it was the weight on his chest. It must be. His hand came up, trying to brush it off, and he realised he was sprawled on his back. "What's-" he mumbled, and the voices got louder, and he flinched. "What's-"

"Stay calm, Lo," and that voice was so familiar, that Logan's eyes fluttered open again. When had he even closed them?   

"He's opening his eyes, maybe responding a bit-" 

"We need to get the second line in, just keep him calm, keep him talking-" and his numb hand was taken, drawn down to his side and pinned there, and Logan frowned upwards, dizzily.

Black hair framed a familiar face above him, and the mouth was moving, but his ears were buzzing. "Cap?" He panted, instinctively, and the figure ducked even closer.  

"-just need to stay calm, Logan, everything's going to be okay-" but Sirius, because of course it was him, was pale with fright. 

"You okay?" Logan managed, and then Pascal was there. They were both kneeling at his head, and Logan realised he must have fainted again. "Sorry," he mumbled, and his chest was aching. "Forgot to eat?"     

"No, it's not your fault," Pascal brushed his hair back, gently, and his eyes were shining. "Can you try and breathe more slowly, my son?"    

Logan tried, but he got distracted by the hard plastic on his face, and he tried to brush it off again. But when he couldn't lift his hand, and huffed in panic.  

"Stay still for me-" called another voice, and Logan blinked up at Sirius helplessly. 

"Don't feel well." He mumbled, because Sirius had wanted to be told. "Sirius, I don't, I don't feel-" he coughed, abruptly, and then couldn't stop. Deep, wet, hacking coughs. He curled up, painfully, weakly. And his head sparked with sudden pain, and he collapsed back against the floor weakly. Something was beeping, high pitched and alarmed, beside him. 

"Keep breathing, Logan," someone said, and his shoulder was being gripped tightly enough to hurt. "Just keep breathing-"

Sirius clutched at Logan's shoulder, as he collapsed weakly back against the floor. He was panting, eyes wide, neck tense and straining. His eyes rolled dizzily, as he looked between Sirius and Pascal. 

"They're both in, how's he doing?" And Lars was there, brushing Pascal back, leaning over Logan. "Can you hear me, Logan?"

Logan's mouth moved a little, but his eyes weren't focusing well. His head rolled again, towards Pascal's knee, and then his eyes fluttered closed. 

"What's happening, now?" The voice on the phone sounded strangely loud, or maybe Sirius's ears just weren't working, well. Remus and Moody were pulling out cords, getting the ECG hooked up, hooking it up beneath Logan's thin jersey. 

"He seemed to wake up for a few seconds," Lars glanced at Pascal, the phone clenched in his hand. "He was responsive?"

"Barely," Pascal managed. "He talked a little, but he was confused, and slurring his words."

"Alright," the woman on the phone could obviously hear them all. "And his parameters?"  

"Heart rate is staying around 150," Lars scanned the equipment they had set up. "Latest blood pressure is hovering at that 150/105 mark," Sirius swallowed. "And resp rate is 60-70, effort about the same," he felt Logan's pulse, expertly. "Pulse is synchronous, strong."  

"Alright. Pupils?"

Lars pulled a penlight out, and Sirius had to look away, as he pulled open Logan's eyes to scan them. He looked at Remus instead, who was staring at the ECG with a tight jaw. Moody was gripping Logan's leg, above where his ankle was turned out, limply. 

"Temperature?"  

Sirius had evidently missed Lars' answer about Logan's pupils, and the medic swore softly. "Bugger, two tics, Remus, the thermometer's in the side pocket-"

"That's fine, there's been a lot to do-" the doctor sounded so understanding, and somehow, still utterly calm. "But good to check now we have a moment."  

Remus dug through Lars' kit hurriedly, and passed it over. He glanced at Sirius for a split second, but he turned back to Moody, a moment later. Lars slipped it gently into Logan's ear, and there was a soft beep. His expression tightened, further. "Elevated, moderately."

"That can be a sign of impending seizures, I'm afraid." 

There was a horrible noise from behind them, and Sirius swallowed. That had been Finn, sounding like a wounded beast, wounded.

Oh, Logan- Sirius thought, desperately. 

"We'll move him to a bigger space now, then." Lars said, simply, and looked at Moody and Remus. "How do you want to move him?"  

Logan's stomach swooped, as he was shifted through space. "What's-"

"Everything's alright, Lo-" 

But even Logan, confused and dizzy as he was, could tell it was a lie. "Somet'ing's wr-ong." He mumbled, and his head rolled lax on his neck. He was being lifted, on something soft.  

His head was pounding. 

He slipped away. 

"Alright, Finn, Leo-" Lars gestured, and Finn crashed instantly to his knees beside Logan's head, cupping his face with gentle hands. Leo was a split second after him. "You have to promise to move, if we need you to." Lars ordered, and then ducked closer to Moody and Remus, holding the phone up between the three of them as they crouched at his feet. 

Sirius shuffled to the side a little more, out of the boys way, and Pascal gripped his arm. The entire team had been ordered back into their seats, but nobody was sitting. They'd moved Logan into the middle section, where the chairs faced each other, and there was a decent space. The entire team was stood, peering around each other at Logan, with pale and panicked faces.

"We're fifteen minutes out-" called the flight attendant, and Lars lifted a hand, but didn't shift from his little meeting with the other medics.

"Can you hear us, Lo?" Leo was whispering, bowing to kiss Logan's sweaty forehead desperately.

"C'mon, Lo," Finn begged quietly, brushing his hair back. "C'mon, just wake up-" 

Sirius suddenly spotted the tubes that Remus was quietly pulling out, laying them all carefully on a small blanket, and swallowed. The three medics were watching the monitors, and Lars was holding Logan's wrist, feeling his pulse. But they were all ducked together, talking softly, and Lars had turned down the phone volume so Sirius was only catching every few words.  

"-there's three of us trained, yes, so if we need to, then we can." Lars sounded grim. 

"You'd be avoiding the excess use of adrenaline, fairly obviously, but I discussed it with my colleagues here, and after a round we would recommend using a low dose-" and Sirius abruptly saw the ambu-bag that Moody was hiding down beside his leg, and inhaled roughly.

Shit. 

"Steady," Pascal whispered, and he was gripping Sirius's shoulder tightly. They were crouched at Logan's side, though Finn and Leo had taken their spots at his head. He was still limp, breathing too hard, and while his eyelids were fluttering, they weren't actually opening.  

"He's not waking up." Finn turned to them desperately, and his expression was even worse than when he'd been held back, up the aisle. He was so pale, his freckles standing out against his pallid skin, eyes wide with growing panic.

"He'll still be able to hear you." Sirius said calmly, somehow digging deep to find his Captain's voice from somewhere, and Finn nodded desperately. "Just stay calm," calm was entirely impossible, "-and talk to him, and I know he'll hear you."

"Yeah, you think?" He turned back to Logan, bending to kiss his forehead again. "You're going to be so good, Lo, really soon, okay-" his voice cracked a little, and Leo clenched his eyes shut, and Sirius just shook his head helplessly, now that Finn wasn't watching. 

"This is unbelievable." He managed, and Pascal gripped his shoulder. 

"We'll get through it." He said lowly, but his voice shook.

"Lars-" 

Sirius looked up, sharply, at the new level of panic in Leo's voice. 

"What is it?" Lars shifted, and Leo moved out the way.

"He's trembling, like," Leo peered at Lars fearfully. "His mouth, it's, it's like-"

"We've got what looks like some seizure activity," Lars said sharply, and the whole plane fell horribly, horrifically silent. Sirius could suddenly see exactly what Leo had spotted, the slight trembling of Logan's jaw, the slight flicking of his eyes, the repetitive movements. 

Sirius wheezed a little on his next breath, and Pascal folded a little, gripping Logan's knee. "Please, please Logan-" someone whispered, and maybe it was him. Maybe it was him.   

"Give us some space, boys, I'm sorry-" Lars ordered, and Leo bent to kiss Logan's forehead, before standing and withdrawing a few steps with a sob. Kasey appeared from nowhere to grip his arm, and dragged him into a seat in the front row that faced where Logan lay. Thomas gripped Leo's other arm tightly, pulling him in, all of their expressions were ones of utter misery.  

Finn didn't move, frozen like a statue, and Sirius grabbed his shoulder. Remus moved hurriedly around to Logan's head, and he was fiddling with wires, on the ECG. "C'mon, let them figure it out-" Sirius tried, but his voice sounded far away, and Finn actually sobbed once, a horrible noise of grief, before he came to his feet and stumbled back a few steps. They all gave way, shuffling back to the edge of the plane, giving the three medics room to work.    

"Tell the pilot to floor it, now, if there's even a hint of seizure activity." The voice ordered, from the phone, loud again now. Remus looked up, and Arthur nodded, from where he was hovering in the aisle. 

"On it." He looked nearly grey, but he turned to the flight attendant anxiously. "Should I go, or you?" 

"We're only seven minutes out-" the flight attendant tried, from was hovering beside Arthur, but Lars shook his head sharply, not looking up from where he was hovering over Logan.

"Tell them to speed it up, anyway."  

"We're on the clock, once he goes." The voice sounded calm, but the tone was firm. 

Once he goes-

"Tell them he's at risk of arresting, and every minute counts." The words echoed around the plane, horribly. Sirius swallowed, feeling more ill by the minute. "Tell them to shave as much as they can, off it." Lars ordered, brutally sharp, and Sirius felt Finn fold to his knees. The grip he had on Finn's shoulder was probably all that kept him from folding entirely, but he kept him upright. Sirius followed him to the ground, and the three of them, Pascal too, crouched there. 

Leo was too far away, now, on the other side of Logan and the medics as they organised themselves. They were no longer hiding the breathing tubes, laying them out rapidly beside his head, and then Remus was looking at Moody for guidance.

"I'll start the clock, and record," Moody said, and there was a clipboard and pen beside him, and a watch. "Remus is on intubation, if he goes, and I'll help. Lars will be on compressions, as soon as he needs to be." 

Sirius couldn't breathe, and Finn made another horrible noise of grief. 

"Remus, you'll stay on breaths, and Lars and I will be trading out every cycle. We'll be on the ground soon." Moody sounded calm, and Lars didn't look offended at all, that he'd taken control. Remus nodded. 

"Alright." He agreed, and sounded different. He sounded professional. He felt far away. 

"My god." Sirius whispered, and Finn pressed a hand to his mouth, muffling another sob. 

"All of us are agreed on the plan?" Moony asked, looking between his two medics, like Sirius would look at his team before a final play.   

"Yes, agreed." Lars said, and Remus glanced at Sirius once, before his expression changed, and everything about him became focused.   

"Agreed." He repeated, turning back to Logan once more. There was a sudden distance on Remus's face, and every motion was clinical, as he ran through the checks and made sure the light on his instrument was working.  

"Good. We'll be on the ground soon, boys." Moody concluded the strange little ritual, and the monitors seemed to be getting louder. Lars and Moody had the same clinical distance on their face, checking their kit, checking the ECG, checking Logan. Something had changed, and Sirius wished he could understand.  

How they did it, when it was Logan, Sirius would never be able to understand. 

"Good preparation, you three." The woman said, and Sirius half wanted to know her name. Half wanted to ask her, how she sounded so calm, when their three medics were preparing in case Logan arrested. In case he arrested

Arrested. 

Sirius tried to swallow, and found his throat too tight. 

"Parameters?" She asked, again. 

"Heart rate's hitting 170, pupils fully dilated, barely responsive," Lars ran through his checks again, flowing smoothly from one check to another, and Moody listened again to Logan's chest.   

"Lung sounds are noisier, bilaterally." He shook his head, slinging the stethoscope around his neck. "Damn it, kid." It was low, and maybe not meant to be heard, but Sirius caught it. Moody squeezed Logan's shoulder once, and there was something entirely gentle, in the motion. And then it was gone, the softness, the gentle touch, and Moody was checking Logan's pulses, on his wrist, and reaching down to his thigh, too, expression blank.

"We've sped it up as much as we can, but we need everyone in their seats," ordered the flight attendant, hurrying back up the aisle. "Everyone that can be strapped in, needs to be. We're four minutes out, they've shifted flights so we can land sooner-" she gestured sharply, and the team sat, almost as one.  

"I can't, I can't leave him-" Finn said, turning desperately to Sirius. "Cap, please, please-"  

"We, we have to-" Sirius swallowed convulsively then, because he suddenly spotted Logan's leg, that was beginning to twitch. "Re, his leg-" he said sharply, and Remus glanced down immediately.  

"Legs trembling." 

"He's going to go, before we get on the ground." Lars acknowledged painfully, and the three medics traded looks. They looked like they were readying for a battle, and Sirius desperately didn't want them to have to fight it.

"Temp's climbed, again." Remus added, and the thermometer beeped too loudly, for how small it was. 

"I agree he's at risk of seizing, before you get on the ground." It sounded like a horribly sure thing, and Sirius had to somehow keep breathing, through it. "And if he arrests-" the voice was calm. "Compressions and breaths are most important, and the low dose adrenaline after a cycle. You'll most likely be on the ground by then, and the high level paramedics are standing by." 

"I'm drawing up a low dose adrenaline." Lars said suddenly, saying the dose aloud, and Moody echoed it back to him. As he reached for a vial.

"Correct." The voice at the end of the phone said. "I'll let you focus, but I'm here if you have questions."

"Everyone in their seats-" called the flight attendant, hurrying back up the cabin and carefully diverting around the chaos in the centre space. "Seatbelts on, it'll be rough, hold onto anything loose-" because everyone still had their gear out. They'd had no warning, about the landing, about any of it. 

Sirius realised that Finn wasn't going to move, frozen and crouching as he was, and shot Pascal a quick look. "We have to get him into a seat." He managed. 

"Alright, yes." Pascal looked utterly drawn, but he nodded, and stood. "Come, Finn, we're going to get you to Leo-" and the plane was descending, rattling around them, and it was getting rough.   

"Quickly," called the flight attendant, yanking things closed and locking them in. "Everyone, seatbelts on-"  

"Landing in two minutes-" the pilot announced roughly on the overhead, and the plane dove more sharply again, making Sirius sway.   

"Lo-" Finn managed, and shook his head. "No, I'm staying-" so Sirius simply picked him up, and walked him backwards towards Leo. "No, Cap-" but Finn was too panicked to fight properly, and Sirius manhandled him into a seat with ease. Thomas gave way immediately, and Sirius bent over Finn, kissing his forehead firmly.   

"Let them look after him." He ordered, and Leo was gripping Finn's shoulder, and Kasey was standing, moving to Pascal's other side who was finding a seat in the opposite row. Sirius did up Finn's seatbelt, tightly, and then sank down on his free side. His hands felt numb, as he did his own seatbelt up.

Please, please, please-

"Landing in two minutes-" cried a voice, and Sirius shook his head. It wasn't fast enough. It wasn't enough. They weren't doing enough. 

Logan's hands were trembling, and his head was rolling, turning anxiously. His eyes fluttered, but he seemed unresponsive, when the medics talked to him.   

"You're alright, Logan," Remus said firmly, crouching above him. He had a tube in his hand, but his other was gentle on Logan's head. "I'm here, we're all here, it's okay-" 

"Oh god-" Finn whispered, and he was gripping his hair with one hand, though the other was clamped around Leo's hand. "Oh god, oh god, please, please-"

"Update?" 

"Parameters much the same, but he's becoming distressed, and his heart rate has climbed to 170." Lars sounded calm, but his jaw was utterly tight. He was on Logan's right side, and Moody shook his head grimly.

"He's going to go." 

"One minute-" the pilot announced, and Sirius thought back to when they'd walked through the airport, and he'd had Logan safe beneath his arm, and began to pray desperately to a god he hadn't believed in, only that morning. 

Logan's head pounded, and he twisted, trying to escape whatever was gripping his forehead so painfully.

"You're alright, Logan," someone said firmly, above him. He could barely hear the words, through the rushing in his ears. "I'm here, we're all here, it's okay-" but Logan realised abruptly that nothing was okay. 

"-getting distressed-" and Logan made a panicked noise, as he realised he couldn't open his eyes, couldn't control anything. His body felt disconnected, other, and-

Logan's thoughts scattered, abruptly. 

"He's going to go-" 

He felt himself swallow, convulsively, a few times. His breath caught, and he made a noise of panic- 

"We're here, Logan."

He swallowed again, and then his whole body jerked up, and Logan disappeared. 

It might well have been the longest two minutes of Sirius's life, once Logan began to grand mal seizure.  

The medics protected his head, kept him from hurting himself, made sure he wasn't tangling in the cords, but braced themselves for landing, and didn't do much else.  

"Oxygen's up highest it'll go-" Remus said, above the noise of the plane as it rattled around them. Finn was gasping, as Leo leaned into him, and cried weakly.  

Sirius had never seen someone have a seizure, before.

And for the first one to be Logan, someone he loved like a brother, it injured him.  

Being utterly powerless, hurt all the more. 

Pascal reached across the aisle, and Sirius gripped his hand, painfully tight. But his fingers were curling into Sirius's hand too, and he didn't care about the pain. It made him feel more real.

Logan jerked again, more powerfully again, and the plane hit the ground. 

It was going so fast that the breaking actually made Moody fall backwards, but Lars caught him, and Remus was bracing Logan's shoulders.

"Stay seated-" the pilot ordered, and the plane braked so hard that the tyres squealed as the whole thing roared, and there was a loud clattering noise from further back in the plane. Sirius slammed forward against his belt, and heard several cut off cries from his team who obviously hadn't been expecting it either.

"Logan-" Sirius managed, hurriedly straightening to check, but nothing had changed. Logan was still tremoring. And then the plane was turning, still too fast, and it felt a little like the plane might tip. 

But it somehow didn't, and then they were coming to a squealing stop. It all happened so fast, that Sirius felt a little like they were still moving. 

The flight attendant ran to open the doors, and there was beeping, the slam of stairs onto the plane, and then there were paramedics running onto the plane.

"Twenty three year old male, suspected stimulant medication overdose. He's been seizing, grand mal, for two minutes, thirty seven seconds," Moody rattled it off, and followed with Logan's vitals, but Sirius's ears were ringing. 

"I'm John, I'll run the scene-" and the tallest paramedic knelt beside Logan, immediately barking firm orders, and the chaos was a beautiful dance of quick movements and sharp repetition, as words were repeated back and new equipment was hooked up. 

"-dose of diazepam, IV-" he ordered, and his partner echoed the dose back to him, and within moments the woman was bending over Logan's arm, injecting something.

"Lo, Lo, Lo-" Leo whispered, and Finn was silent, stunned with his mouth hanging open, when Sirius checked.  

Slowly, too slowly, the seizures slowed, and eventually stopped. Logan's gasps were rattling, too loud, and the male paramedic acted in moments after listening to his chest. "We need to intubate, and get going." He took over, and Remus handed him a tube, helping to pull Logan's head back. "Too much tone, top him up-" and there was more movement, more happening, something else being injected, and Sirius just didn't understand. 

"They're helping him," Sirius managed, and squeezed Finn's shoulder. "They're helping him." Maybe he was saying it for him.  

"Good," and there was an ambu-bag, being attached. And the next breath was slower, calmer, and Moody bent over Logan's chest, listening to both sides.  

"In." He confirmed. "Fluid though, for sure."  

"Mike, bring the stretcher-" and the third medic, who'd been hanging back, hurried to fetch the stretcher that Sirius hadn't even noticed, in the aisle. The breaths kept going, calm and slow, and Logan was limp and relaxed. And within minutes, moments, Logan was lifted onto the stretcher, and strapped in, and the carted down the aisle.

The woman paused in the aisle, as the two men worked to get Logan towards the doors and down the stairs. Sirius saw the entire team spin in their seats, looking after him with wide eyes. 

"We can only take one, we'll take a minute to get him settled," the woman had paused, at the exit. "But you've only got a minute or two to decide, we need to get going quickly. Meet us at the cab, as soon as you can, or we'll have to head without you." 

There was a horrible moment of panic, as she disappeared out the door.

"One?" Finn asked, and he sounded terribly young. "Did she say she could only take one?" 

"Finn?" Remus was suddenly crouching in front of him, gripping Finn's hand, and looking between him and Leo. "They need to go now, so does one of you want to go?" Somehow, he was still calm.  

"I-" Finn shot a horrified look at Leo. "I can't leave Le, no way-" and Leo shook his head, too, gripping Finn desperately. 

"No," Leo whispered, and Finn swallowed. 

"We'll follow, we'll come together-" and Remus nodded, turning. 

"Pascal?" He checked, as he stood, and Dumo hesitated, shooting Sirius a stressed look. He didn't really look capable of standing, let alone remaining calm, in an ambulance.  Sirius shook his head, and then flicked his eyes at Remus. He couldn't make the decision for Pascal, but he selfishly wanted him here, and he wasn't sure Logan would know either way. 

"Go with him, Remus." Pascal said, suddenly, sounding exhausted. "Please. I need to stay with Sirius, and the boys." He gestured, and Sirius sagged in relief.

Remus didn't argue, only squeezed Sirius's shoulder briefly as he passed, and hurried down the plane towards the exit. "I'll ring, as soon as we know anything," he called back, and Sirius met his gaze for a split second, saw the grief and panic there before it was hidden, and and then he disappeared down the stairs.

"My god." Pascal managed, and his head fell into his hands, weakly. There were similar exclamations, from up and down the entire plane. Logan was well loved, and it was obvious, at the panic and fear that was spreading.   

The plane fell silent again, and Sirius was struggling to breathe. He was struggling to breathe.

"We have to go." Finn said, suddenly, and he was pulling at his seatbelt clumsily. "Which hospital?" He looked desperately at Lars, who was still crouching beside his scattered gear. "Is he going to be alright?" 

"We're on the ground, he's with the right people," Lars stood immediately, coming to crouch in front of Finn. "They're going to do everything they can, Finn." 

"Please don't say that." Leo said, and his voice was heavy with tears. "Please don't say that, like, like he might not-"  

"Don't." Finn said, flinching away from it. "Don't, he'll, he'll be fine, Le, it's Lo, of course he will-" he turned to Leo, and cupped his face. "You heard Lars, he'll be fine, he's with the right people-" and he sounded strangely calm, again.

Sirius realised then, that Finn had found a job for himself. Be calm for Leo, and Sirius realised, he had a job too. 

Be calm for the team. 

"Okay," he undid his seatbelt, and stood, not allowing himself to sway with the stress. "We're going to call some cars, and the bus will be coming, and anyone that wants to come to the hospital can." He looked up and down the plane, and everyone was watching him, with crumpled and panicked expressions.  

He forced himself to straighten, hoping he sounded like their Captain, and Arthur appeared in the aisle, to squeeze his shoulder. It gave him the strength, to show his weakness. "But first," Sirius moved to crouch in front of the sagging Pascal, copying Lars as he reached up to squeeze the back of his neck. Pascal clung to his wrist, his other hand, desperately tight. "Everyone needs to take a few deep breaths, first, before we think about going anywhere at all." 

"C'mon, boys," Thomas called, lowly, and it seemed to get something started. "Everyone take some deep breaths, Cap's orders-" 

And everyone seemed to actually do it, and he heard low encouragement, from various players scattered about the plane. 

Pascal copied Sirius, the deep breaths he took purposefully loudly, and after three or four, he drew Pascal into a proper hug. "Breathe," he ordered, and Pascal nodded against him, squeezing him back. He did. "Breathe, and we'll go after him, soon." 

Sirius found Remus in the private waiting room, pacing. He had a split second to be grateful that the well lit room was otherwise empty, before he called desperately, "Re-" and he turned, face cracking with relief. They hurried towards each other, and slammed into one another, hard. "Oh, Re," Sirius breathed, and his arms tightened. "Thank god, for you." 

"He's doing better, already," Remus pulled back after a moment to say, turning to face Finn, Leo, Pascal and Arthur, who were all hovering in the doorway. Leo looked like he was braced for a blow. "They've got him asleep, but he didn't have any more seizures in the ambulance, and his blood pressure is getting under control, too. So, it's been good news, so far."

"He's going to be okay, then?" Finn asked, and sounded very small. 

"They think he's going to be okay." Remus nodded, steadily, and Finn pressed a hand against his mouth, exhaling roughly.  

"Okay." He managed, after a deep breath that caught, and Leo embraced him. 

"He's going to be okay." Leo whispered, and the pair of them swayed there, holding one another so tightly it looked like it hurt.

"I'll tell the team." Arthur said, and he shook his head in relief. "Thank god. Lars and Moody are outside, and most of the team are on the bus outside the hospital, but once we hear a bit more, we were thinking we'll get everyone to the hotel to rest." Arthur nodded. "Everything has been moved to tomorrow. You think we'll know more by Friday? Before the game?" 

"Definitely." Remus said, immediately. "For sure, we will. Probably in a couple of hours, really."

"Thank god." Sirius managed, and pulled Remus back in, as soon as Arthur turned away to raise his phone to his ear. "You were amazing." He said, softly.

"You really were," they pulled apart, to look at Leo. "Thank you so much, Remus." He went on, croakily, and Remus's expression softened. 

"Of course. I'm just so sorry this happened, boys." He said, quietly. "But he's got everyone looking after him, now." Finn closed his eyes, briefly, and nodded. "If you come in and sit down, we'll have some hot drinks while we wait."  

"I don't want anything." Finn said, shaking his head immediately. "Do you know when we're going to hear?" 

"Soon, hopefully," Remus said, and shot Sirius a quick warning look. He could only nod his agreement, because Finn looked a little like he was in shock, and Leo didn't look much better. Pascal came into the room, at last, and he was almost grey. "We all need to sit down, to wait." And if Finn hadn't been so panicked, he might have seen through Remus's words. But he only nodded, like it made sense that they'd only get news, if they were sitting.   

"Alright." And he pulled Leo towards the couch. "Do you know when we're going to hear?"  

"Soon, hopefully." Remus repeated, calmly, and Sirius stepped forward to catch Pascal's arm supportively, leading him to the other couch. He'd seemed a bit lost, since getting off plane. "They've called his family."   

"Shit." Pascal muttered, unusually, and gave them both a worried look as he sank tiredly down onto the couch. "He hadn't even told them about the medication."   

"Shit, hadn't thought of that." Remus paused, and then shook his head. "Well, they're his emergency contacts, so there isn't much they can do. I told them the boys were coming right behind us, so they didn't bother calling you either, Finn, Leo-"

"What?" Leo looked up, with sharp surprise. 

"Didn't you know his parents are still his emergency contacts, as well as you two?" Remus tilted his head, in confusion. 

"Oh." Leo mouthed, and then turned to Finn. "Oh."

"We didn't know we were." Finn shook his head. "Fuck sake, Lo." He sounded congested, and Leo pulled him back in.   

"He probably forgot to tell us." And Leo's voice cracked around the joke, but Finn smiled weakly, and then they were collapsing into one another, exhausted.  

Remus drew Sirius to Pascal's couch, and got him sitting down. "I'll make drinks for everyone," he leaned in to whisper in Sirius's ear, "I think they're all a bit shocky, if I'm honest." 

"I'm not sure I'm not." Sirius breathed back, and Remus stroked his face gently. 

"Keep breathing, love." 

"Mon loup," Sirius whispered, and they kissed, gently, slowly. They both pulled back, and Remus rested their foreheads together. "He's going to be okay." Sirius said it, because repeating it might make it feel real.  

"He's going to be okay." Remus echoed, softly, and Sirius felt Pascal squeeze his free hand. "We're all going to be okay."

Sirius woke suddenly, at Arthur's voice. He blinked a few times, and straightened. When had he fallen asleep? "-all in here, yes-" and everyone else peered at the door as it opened. 

Logan's parents appeared in the doorway, both pale faced and anxious, scanning about. "Oh, boys," his Mum said, and Finn and Leo came to their feet, hurrying towards them. She embraced them both, and Logan's Dad squeezed Finn's shoulder.  

"I'll leave you to it," Arthur said, quietly. "I'm going back to the hotel to check on the team, Sirius," he called softly. "I'll ring for an update in an hour, or so. Take care, Marius, Iva." 

"Thank you for everything, Arthur." Marius turned, nodding gratefully. "We appreciate all of your help, with the flights, and getting us here so quickly."

"Of course." Arthur nodded, then glanced at Sirius. "I'll call you in an hour or two, Sirius."

"Thanks, Arthur." Sirius agreed, and tried to ignore the flicker of guilt. As captain, Sirius's place was probably with the majority of his team. But he couldn't imagine leaving Remus's side, or going without having seen Logan. It felt a little like permission, from Arthur, to stay. 

"What happened?" Iva asked anxiously, as Leo and Finn led her into the room. She peered about at them all, with wide eyes. "They said he'd, that he'd had some sort of-" she exchanged a sick look with her husband. "Accidental overdose? And he had a seizure, because of it?" 

Pascal stood hurriedly, moving to kiss her cheek, and shake Marius's hand. "Unfortunately, yes. But he's doing much better, already, thankfully." 

"What's happening now, though? Is he alright?" His Dad's jaw looked tight enough to crack teeth.

"He's doing better," Remus stepped in, calmly. "He's still with the doctors, in ICU," Iva flinched a little, and he hurried on, "-and he's still asleep so not really ready for visitors, but they've been through since we've all been here to say he's improving, and should be allowed visitors in an hour or two. Even just to sit with him, while he begins to wake up."

"Thank god." Marius murmured, resting a hand on his chest above his heart, and seemed to sag. "Thank you." He looked around at them all, a little desperately. "Will someone tell us what happened?"  

"Of course," Pascal said, hastily. "We'll explain everything we know, if you'd like to come and sit down."

And Pascal, after glancing at the boys for guidance, took over the conversation calmly. He explained steadily, without any judgement, but lay it out fairly bluntly. "Logan has been struggling more this year, unfortunately. And while I think he should be the one to talk to you about more of that side of things, we can say that he has been struggling more with his ADHD symptoms-" and the horror grew, across their faces, as the story unfolded. 

"-and he accidentally took two," Finn continued, leaning forward tiredly. "And because it was an increased dose," he shook his head. "And then we had a really intense training, so it put his system under too much pressure, is what they said."

"He drank the wrong coffee, too." Leo added, quietly, and Sirius heard the slight tinge of guilt in his voice. "And he hadn't taken them for a couple of weeks, so he had no tolerance at all."    

"Not your fault, with the coffee, Le." Finn had obviously caught it too, and gave Leo a soft look. Iva made a noise of agreement, too. "Just like when you said it wasn't my fault, for distracting him this morning with the meds, and how it definitely isn't Logan's fault that this all happened, it was just mistakes on mistakes, adding up." He looked at Logan's parents then, exhaustion clear in his drawn expression. "He wanted to tell you, I swear. But he wanted to see if they were going to help, first."   

"It's unbelievable." Logan's Dad, murmured, and his cheeks were flushed with upset. He looked very like Logan, just then. "I can't believe it. That we're here, I can't-" he shook his head, and his wife took his hand, squeezing it firmly. "I can't believe he thought it was a good idea." His tone had changed, slightly. 

Sirius stiffened, and exchanged a quick look with Pascal. 

"I'm sure he'll be able to explain it better than we could," Pascal said, rather carefully. "But he was struggling, even with all the exercise he was doing. And with his injury-"

"But we've talked about medication, before." Marius looked gobsmacked. "Years ago, back at school, and he agreed that it wasn't a good fit."

"Things changed, a bit, unfortunately." Remus tried, voice low and calm. "He felt he needed help, or he'd keep pushing his body to manage his symptoms, and risk further injury."

"As opposed to this?" His Dad threw up his hands, desperately. "I can't believe he went and did this, christ-" he muttered in French, "I can't believe he did this."

"This was an accident." Sirius shifted slightly, and he felt Remus's hand, warningly on his leg. "But he had some good days with them, too, and they were helping, at least a bit." Finn and Leo nodded their agreement. 

Iva peered at Sirius, with anxious eyes. "We just, this is just such a shock," she put a hand on her husband's leg, echoing Remus's action. "We didn't even know he was struggling." And there was such guilt, there, too. "To hear that he had to resort to, to medication, when, when he never has before-" she shook her head. "We thought the Lions was going well." Her accent was stronger, all of a sudden, and Sirius could tell so easily how upset she was.   

"It's been going better than well." Leo said, softly, leaning forward suddenly to look at the pair of them. "Logan's game is better than it's ever been before, and the Lions love him, for it." He paused, exchanging a long look with Finn. "But outside of game days, even if we train and do a weights session, he's been struggling." Leo shook his head. "And I'm sorry, that he hasn't talked to you about it. But if it helps, he's living with us, and it still took us months, to hear anything much at all." There was something firm, in Leo's voice, and he seemed to be holding Finn up. "He needed help, and he should be the one to tell you more, if he wants to-" he stressed the words, a little. "But he needed help. And I don't think, even with all this, that he'll throw the towel in completely."   

"But what if this happens again?" Iva gasped, and Finn shifted. 

"We've already sorted a plan, so it won't. Today was just," Finn shook his head, weakly. "It was so awful, and I'm so sorry, for you both, for the shock," he looked at them with painful understanding. "But if he decides to trial them again in the future, we'll support him, and we're all going to make sure it doesn't happen again." 

"We've talked about a few things," Remus continued, smoothly. "Like a pottle that opens every twenty-four hours, and only having decaffeinated coffee in reusable cups, and talking with the psychiatrist about the dose. Maybe trialling short acting," he shook his head. "There are so many options out there, he could find something that works well with him." He squeezed Sirius's hand, who's heart was thudding with fear at the thought of Logan ever taking the medication again. He could see Logan's parents were feeling the same, and squeezed Remus's hand in turn, warningly. "And maybe he'll decide never to take them again, which is fine too." Remus peered at them calmly. "But he needed help, and he decided to do this, and that was his decision." He nodded at the boys. "We're all going to support him, no matter his decision, once he's well again." 

Logan's parents stared at Remus, and then each other, for several long moments. And then his Dad turned, back to Finn. "He was really struggling that much?"  

"He was." Finn nodded, head bowing. "And, god," he blinked a few times. "Honestly, we felt so powerless, trying to help him. We agreed with him," he looked at Logan's parents with guilt clear. "We thought it was worth a shot. We never imagined-"

"Of course not," Iva murmured, softly. "Of course you didn't. This isn't your fault, at all, either of you." She looked between them, gently.

"We tried, I promise, to help." Finn shook his head. "But it felt different, this time, and to Logan, too." 

"But, things like body doubling," Iva scanned them anxiously. "Do you know about that sort of technique?"

"Yeah," Finn nodded rather firmly. "I did so much research, at university." He managed a faint smile. "Pages and pages, honestly, as much as I could." He swallowed. "Me and Le, we both did everything we could, and Sirius, Dumo, Remus, the coaches, everyone that knows," he glanced around the room gratefully. "Everyone tried to help, and more than any of that, he did everything he could, too." Finn shook his head, strangely calm. "But it wasn't enough, this time. He needed help, and the psychiatrist agreed." 

"Oh." Iva practically mouthed it, and there was a long pause. Sirius glanced at Pascal, knowing his expression would be blank, but that he would be able to read Sirius's concern. 

Rather abruptly, Iva took Marius's hand, and looked up at him. "We'll talk to Logan, then." She faced him, until he turned towards her. "We'll both listen to him, anything at all that he wants to tell us." She repeated, and there was something firm, there.

Marius sighed, and nodded, bowing to kiss his wife's forehead gently. "Of course we will."  They gripped each other's hands, tightly. "Of course we will." He repeated in soft French, and Sirius felt himself relax. The whole room did, really. 

"The main thing," Iva murmured, looking up at her husband with shiny eyes, "Is that he's going to be alright."

Chapter Text

James appeared quietly through the door, two carrier bags in his hands, and paused. He hesitated in the doorway, scanning them all with anxious eyes. Sirius met his gaze, and felt relief thrum through his chest. He'd been in a back row, on the plane, and Sirius had missed his steadying presence like a missing limb. James had done his duty as deputy captain, returning with and supporting the team, but now he was here. 

Sirius stood, and walked across the room. By the time he reached James, he'd already dropped the bags on the floor, and reached out to embrace him immediately. "Far out, man." He muttered, and Sirius nodded against him, tightening his grip.  

"Thanks for coming, Pots." He murmured, and after several long seconds, they finally pulled apart. Remus appeared, giving James a quick hug too. 

"What's the news?" James asked, in a low voice, as the three of them huddled there. Sirius glanced over his shoulder, but the view hadn't changed. Finn was sleeping, sprawled on Leo, and while Logan's parents looked up with tired smiles, they didn't move from their seats. 

"He's much the same." Remus murmured, and gestured them moved towards the small kitchenette in the large waiting room. It seemed to have been reserved for them, because no other families had come in. "Much better than the plane, of course," he added, and James nodded, brushing his glasses back up his nose a little more. "But he's still intubated, and asleep."

"Far out." James blew out a soft breath, and left the bags full of steaming takeaway on the side. "I wasn't sure if you'd want to eat, but it's there, if you need it." 

"Thanks, man." Sirius murmured, and gripped James's arm. 

"Where's Dumo?" 

"He went to the toilet-" Sirius started, and then there was a knock on the door. He whipped around, and abruptly, his heart was hammering. 

"Boys-" Marius called, and Finn lurched awake, followed instantly by Leo. 

Logan's doctor was stood in the doorway, and Pascal stood just behind him. "I have some news," he looked around at them all, and Sirius desperately tried to read his expression. "Good news," he added, hastily, when Finn made an odd noise. Everyone was standing, now, and Pascal slipped past the doctor to stand beside Sirius. "We've been able to extubate him," and Remus exhaled loudly, from beside Sirius. "Which means he's now breathing on his own." 

Logan's parents exchanged glad looks, and Leo made a little noise of relief. 

"He's still sedated, at this stage," the doctor glanced at his watch. "But we'll be weaning him off, and we're hoping he'll be awake, in a few hours."

"Thank god." Pascal murmured, while Marius and Iva hurried forward to thank the doctor. Sirius felt Remus squeeze his hand, and sagged a little. 

"Thank god." James echoed, in English, and smiled at them all in relief. "I timed that so well."

"I think I'm hungry." Remus laughed a little, and then rubbed his face. "Far out. I'm so relieved I could cry."

"You've been the calm one all afternoon!" Pascal said, but his eyes were shining too. 

"Maybe that's why." Remus said, and he was smiling, when a few tears overflowed. "Far out, sorry." He laughed a little again, but it was wet. Sirius reeled him into a hug, holding him warmly. 

"You were amazing, today." Sirius murmured, and Pascal hummed his agreement. "But Logan's your friend too, and you had to be his medic, today." 

"Yeah." Remus exhaled, slowly, and it was less shaky than the one before. "Yeah, for sure." He pulled back, and James quietly passed him some napkins. "Blimey," he glanced across at the boys, who were hovering beside the doctor, obviously listening to a more thorough update. "We should probably be listening to that."

"They'll tell us." Pascal murmured, though his head was tilted towards the crowd by the door. "And we know it's more good news." He was right, Sirius realised. Finn was holding Leo, but both of them, finally, looked less like they may fracture into pieces at any second.

"Once he's on the ward, in his room, one of the nurses will come to fetch you." The doctor raised his voice a little, and Sirius nodded, gratefully. "Technically, visiting hours end at eleven." He hesitated. "But, his family," Finn and Leo tensed. "Or partners, can of course stay." 

"We'll hopefully have seen him, by then." James murmured softly, and Sirius felt himself relax. 

"Fuck," he turned to James, speaking at a whisper. "I missed you today, man."

"Same." James replied, simply. He hooked an arm around Sirius's shoulders, as Remus spoke quietly with Pascal. "I'm never sitting that far back on the plane, ever again."

"I can't believe it was today." Sirius said, feeling bewildered. "It feels like days ago."

"We'll get to see him soon," James comforted, softly. "And then everyone will feel better." They both glanced as the doctor called his goodbyes, and left, to several more heartfelt thank you's. "Food's up, everyone." James said, and everyone turned, in surprise. 

"Yo, Pots." Finn said, and his eyes were soft with relief and exhaustion. "When did you get here?"

"You were trying to snore a hole in the wall." James joked gently, and walked forward to embrace both of them. "Holding up?" He asked, and Sirius leaned back against the side, watching James's steady presence impact them all. Even Logan's parents were watching James with fondness. 

A distraction, Sirius realised. And with the good news they'd just had, well. It was enough. 

"Who wants food?" Remus said, and Sirius hesitated. He was suddenly aware of being hungry, though it felt wrong to eat, before they'd seen Logan. "Not eating won't help Tremz," he continued, knowingly. "I know for a fact that he'd want everyone to eat, actually."

"You're right." Finn said, snorting a little. His eyes were still shining, but he looked better. Leo smiled beside him, fragile and small, but real. "He'd have such a go," Finn stroked Leo's hair back from his face, gently, and smiled at him. "-if he knew we were all sitting here, starving ourselves for no reason."

"Very true." Pascal agreed, quietly, and smiled faintly. "Thank you, James, for bringing it."

"Of course." James smiled, looking pleased as everyone drifted towards the kitchenette. "I got one of everything, so help yourselves."

Sirius couldn't face eating much, but even the half plate he managed was rejuvenating. He left his container on the main table, and glanced at Finn. He'd eaten something, which Sirius was trying to content himself with, given he hadn't done much better. 

"I can't believe we slept." Finn was saying, glancing at Leo, and then apologetically at Logan's parents. "I feel like I should apologise."

"Please don't say that." Iva said, smiling tiredly. "I was nearly there, before the doctor arrived." She glanced at her watch. "Hopefully we'll see him soon." She looked at her husband, and hesitated. "Depending on how he is, we thought we'd leave you two to stay with him, and find a hotel nearby."

"Arthur's organised you rooms, at our hotel. It's not far from the hospital, thankfully." Sirius interjected, glancing down at his phone. "He'll send a van for us whenever we want, whoever's coming back." It was already 8pm, somehow. 

"We'll wait and see how he is, then go from there." Remus said, calmly, and James nodded. 

"D'accord, mon loup." Sirius murmured, and smiled faintly at him. "Should call you captain, after today." 

"Bossing everyone around." Remus shook his head, laughing a little, though it was weak. "I told Logan after last time, I didn't enjoy my foray back into medic work."

"Not sure how you or anyone does it, really, when it's your friends." Finn commented quietly, and Iva nodded agreement immediately. 

"I thought we were friends when you were a medic." Sirius said softly, and Remus smiled at him rather softly, as James snorted. 

"That wasn't very easy, either." Remus said, then sighed. "This was far worse." 

Gradually, all of them moved back towards their seats. And the room, filled entirely with people that loved Logan, shared the burden of waiting.  

"Logan Tremblay's family?" The nurse smiled at them, laughing a little as they all hurriedly straightened and began to stand. "Well, hi everyone, I'm Kate, one of the nurses on our floor looking after him. "

Sirius came to his feet at the exact same moment as Pascal, and he reached to squeeze Sirius's shoulder, tightly. It was almost 9pm. The relief from the bolstering food and previous message had  gradually faded, leaving everyone tired and stressed for more news.   

"We've got Logan settled in the ward, so he's allowed visitors." She said, and Sirius sagged a little, exchanging a relieved look with Pascal. 

"How is he?" Finn asked, anxiously. "Is he awake?" 

"He is still asleep," She replied, giving him a gentle smile. "But the doctors are pleased with all of his vitals, and we're winding down his sedation. So, hopefully he'll be waking up soon."

"How soon? Leo asked, biting his lip. 

"We're hopeful he should be awake in the next hour or two." She hesitated. "The doctor did want me to warn you, that he might still be very groggy." Her gaze was sympathetic, as she glanced around at them all. "It's normal, and expected, but it can be scary to see." 

"Groggy?" Marius asked, after glancing at his wife. "You mean, he'll be confused?"

"He may be, yes." Kate said, calmly. "For example, he may not appear to recognise you, at first." She glanced around at them all, steadily, at the soft murmur of shock that rose. "But it's very normal. His body has had a shock, as has his brain," she nodded gently. "So he'll need some time, to come round properly. Alright? Do any of you have any questions?"

"Thank you, Kate." Iva smiled tremulously. "We'll come with you, now, to see him."

"Of course." She glanced around at the crowd of them again, hesitating, then she paused. "Oh, you can probably use the meeting room we have on our floor. We've done handover, so it'll be free until 4am, now." 

"Thank you very much." Marius said, and picked up his small bag, hurriedly, while his wife did the same. 

Everyone grabbed their belongings, and Sirius took Remus's hand, suddenly almost as anxious as when they'd first arrived. Finn and Leo seemed to be feeling something similar, already hovering beside Kate at the door. 

But they were moving, Logan was going to wake up, and life had improved dramatically from barely ten hours ago. Sirius tried to cling onto it, as they followed Kate through the hospital. 

"He'll be awake, soon." Pascal said, from beside him, and Sirius nodded gratefully. 

"Thank goodness." 

"Thank goodness." Pascal nodded, wearily, and they all traipsed after Kate. 

"I think probably in pairs, or maximum threes, for now." The nurse looked apologetic, but firm. "The doctors are doing an early rounds, and we aren't technically meant to have visitors at all." She winced. "I'm sorry, I wasn't told they'd be running them early."  

"Oh." Finn managed, and swallowed. He was gripping Leo's hand so tightly, it was a little difficult to feel his own fingers. The nurse, who's name Finn had immediately forgotten after she'd said it, was hovering beside the door that led through to the glass-walled observation rooms. The ward seemed to be barely a step down from ICU, given the number of staff at the nursing station, in the centre. From outside, they couldn't yet see Logan's bed.

Leo shifted beside him, and Finn remembered abruptly what they needed to say. He turned robotically to Marius and Iva, and nodded. "You two should go first, of course." He managed, and Leo squeezed his hand. How he had the sensation or strength left to do that, Finn wasn't sure.   

"Oh, Finn," Iva's expression softened. "The last time we saw Logan, he was upright and walking and talking and fine." She reached out to squeeze his wrist. "You two should go in first, and we'll take turns, while the rounds are happening."

"But-"

"You'll go first." Marius decreed, firmly, and squeezed Finn's shoulder. "Of course, you should."

"Thank you." Finn breathed, and Leo nodded a little desperately, from beside him. "We won't be long, I swear." His heart was beginning to pound, with desperation. 

"C'mon through, then." Kate led the way, and it as soon as they were through the door, it was a strangely peaceful atmosphere. There was the occasional beeping machine, which grew louder and then quieter, depending on which door they passed. And a low hum of voices, too. Some doors were ajar, some closed or curtained off, and others were empty.  

Finn exchanged a rather ill look with Leo, and they squeezed together even more closely, as they walked on. 

"That's the meeting room," Kate murmured, nodding to her left, and led them on down the row of rooms. It was a U-shaped room, and Kate paused at a door, and Finn realised abruptly they were there. 

Oh, and abruptly, Finn couldn't move. 

"You can go in." Kate prompted, and Finn gazed at the blonde-haired figure, lying still in the bed. "He's got the nasal prongs in," she gestured to her nose, "-as a matter of routine, not because we're concerned."  

Leo moved to slide open the door, and Finn followed him, ears rushing as things seemed to move in slow motion. Even the beeping seemed strangely far apart.

And then Leo was pulling free from his hand, and hurrying to Logan's right side. Abruptly, things came back into focus, and Finn let out a soft cry, and ducked to the free side of the bed. They claimed a hand each, and Finn leaned in, to press a kiss against Logan's pale cheek. "Oh, Lo. Thank fuck for you, Lo." He mumbled, and sank down onto the bed in relief. Leo did the same from the other side.

"Hi, Lo," Leo whispered, and leaned in to kiss his forehead. 

Finn studied Logan, hungrily, scanning him desperately. It was an utterly different picture, to the plane. He was breathing calmly, with his mouth closed. The nasal prongs stood out too obviously. They were tucked just into his nose, taped there on his one cheek and tucked over his ears. But aside from that, it was almost as if he was just sleeping. Though he was still too pale, by far, and dressed in a hospital gown. Half a dozen cords ran beneath it, leading to the machine closest to the bed, that was recording his heart rate. There was a blood pressure cuff on the arm that Finn was holding, but deflated. 

"Lo?" Leo called, softly, like they were at home in bed after a lazy morning lie-in. "Will you wake up for us, Lo?" He asked, coaxingly. His long fingers brushed Logan's cheek, gently. Finn shifted a little to draw the thin cover up a little higher, from where it had been at his waist. 

"His hand's cold." He explained, lowly, and Leo nodded. They were both rubbing Logan's fingers, gently, as if to warm them. "Can you hear us, Lo?" He whispered, leaning over him to cup his neck gently. "Can you come back to us, love?" 

Logan slept on, unaware and far away, of their quiet entreaties. 

And then, after what felt like too little time of just breathing with Logan, Leo looked up. "We should swap out." He sounded raw. 

"Yeah." Finn swallowed. "Yeah." 

Logan's parents disappeared through the door, hurrying after the nurse anxiously. Sirius reached out, and Finn came to lean into him. "How was he?" 

"Sleeping." Finn said, and exhaled a little roughly. "But, like, peacefully." He looked at Leo, who was barely two feet away, between Pascal and James. "Better than the last image in my head, at least." He muttered, just for Sirius's ears, and he nodded wordlessly.

Sirius couldn't wait for his own visit, to hopefully wipe the plane from his mind. 

Logan

There was something warm. 

There was something warm. 

There was something new.

Something different.

Something cold. 

Something cold, lodged uncomfortably in his throat. And only indistinct drops of muffled noise, from somewhere else, to explain it.

He felt disconnected from his body, but he was beginning to distantly understand again, that he had one. 

"You're doing very well, Logan-" and the voices were new, too. Or rather, perhaps him understanding their words, was. "We're all here, looking after you."    

But where was he? 

"Keep breathing for me, Logan, well done-" 

He felt less disconnected from his body, as an ache in his chest grew dully apparent. Yet, he was unmoored. 

Something changed, and it was suddenly much harder to breathe. 

"That's him on his own, now. Well done Logan, really well done-" 

The soft hissing noise, that he hadn't noticed before, was strangely noticeable in it's absence. 

"Should we extubate?" 

"We'll give him a bit longer, given the pulmonary congestion we've dealt with."

He seemed to adjust to how he was breathing, after a time, without the hissing. There was more murmuring, but he slipped back into the warm current that dragged him so far away, before he could try to understand it. 

He returned, hovering somewhere a little closer, though without any clear thoughts to guide him.  

Sensations grew, though. 

A warmth, in his chest. 

And then, something less comfortable.

Something painful, in his throat. A strange pressure there, which he didn't recognise. 

"He's getting light." 

Who was? 

"Logan," something tightened on his arm, and abruptly there was light, and he didn't understand the words that were speaking.

He lay there dully, unable to formulate any thoughts beyond, cold, grey, dizzy, dizzy-

Were his eyes open? 

Had he been asleep?

"We're going to take the tube out, keep taking nice deep breaths for me-"

There was discomfort and panic for a moment, and then it was over, and he disappeared back into the grey mist in relief. 

"Good, I'm much happier with all of those numbers. I think we can let some visitors in." 

He was lying on something soft, cradled there by an unfamiliar warmth, that dripped up his arm.  

"Reduce the CRI by a quarter again, and we'll see how he goes."

Who?

He missed someone. 

Or maybe, someones. 

Did he?

Lo-

Hi, Lo-

Oh, love, oh my darling boy-

My poor boy-

My son-

Tremz-

Everyone's here, everyone's okay.   

He was cradled in something warm, that dripped up his arm. 

(Had he already dreamed that?) 

The drips slowed, and things began to lighten. 

(Logan did, too.) 

His first moments of consciousness were strange. He could feel something tickling his nose, and he inhaled, vague irritation flickering to life before it settled a moment later, as he forgot. He was wrapped in something warm. His hands were gripped by something warm. 

His eyes opened a little, and he watched the grey ceiling, distantly. 

"Lo?" There was a sudden noise, a low crash, and movement at his side. "Oh my god, his eyes are open-" was it hope, or panic, there?

"Logan, love?" Definite fear, in the new voice. "Hi, love-" he blinked, a few times, and realised he was laying down. 

"Logan?" That was a familiar voice, utterly comforting in it's familiarity. "Are you waking up, my sweet boy?" 

"Take your time, my boy." Another voice. 

He was surrounded by voices, by comfort, and warmth. 

Oh. He was Logan.

Strange, that he'd forgotten. 

"Logan?" Coaxing. "Can you look here, my love?" 

Someone that meant, comfort. 

"Logan, darling?" Something squeezed his hand. "Can you open your eyes?" 

They wanted him to do something, but he couldn't think what. He didn't feel capable of very much at all. But they were there, at least. He smiled faintly, at the thought.  "Hmmm." He hummed, a little, and there was a muffled sob from nearby.

Warm fingers pressed his cheek, gently. His head rolled slightly, under their soft guidance, and he blinked a few times as a blonde figure leaned in. "Hello, my darling boy." 

"Hmmm." He hummed again, and his eyes slid closed tiredly. "Hi." There was another muffled sob, that worried him a little, as he drifted away.

Logan swallowed, against a dry throat, and sighed. Something was bothering his nose, and it made him sigh again. 

"Lo?" A gentle whisper, from a low voice. "Are you waking up again, baby?" 

A voice, that meant- 

"Red?" Logan hummed a little, rolling his head heavily. 

"Hi, baby." Someone whispered. 

"Oh, Lo-" someone's hand landed on his other cheek, and he hummed again. 

Because that voice meant-

"Sunshine?" 

"Oh, Lo." Someone sniffled a little.

Logan stretched, and slowly, tiredly, squinted open his eyes. He smiled, instinctively, up at a somewhat blurry Finn. "Good morning." He mumbled, stretching out a little more. His chest tugged painfully, and he winced, and Finn hurriedly took his hand before he could move it far. 

"Don't pull on your lines, love." He whispered, and Logan suddenly realised he looked near tears, as he came into better focus. 

"Fish?" Logan blinked a few more times, trying to focus. "What's-" he coughed a little, clearing his throat. "What's wrong?" 

"Do you want some water, baby?" A different voice asked, and Logan turned his head, ignoring the ache behind his eyes as he squinted up at Leo.

He slowly began to smile, faintly, automatically. "Le." Logan hummed happily, and Leo leaned in, pressing a warm kiss against his cheek. 

"Oh, baby." He whispered. "We missed you."

"Hmmm." Logan's eyes felt heavy. What did Leo mean? "Sunshine." 

"We're both here, baby." Finn sounded croaky, even though he was whispering. "We'll see you when you wake up, again." 

"He woke up," Finn's voice was a little tinny, low, like he was trying to avoid waking someone. "He recognised us, it was," his voice cracked a little. "It was good."

"That's so great, Finn." Sirius sagged a little, and Remus leaned into his shoulder a little more. 

"Yeah." Finn sighed. "Le's with him now, Marius and Iva have gone home now, too."

"We'll let Dumo know." Remus said, and was already pulling out his phone. 

"And James." Sirius added, softly, and he nodded. "You guys need to get some sleep." He continued. 

"They've brought a cot." There was the sound of a yawn. "I know it's only half ten, but I reckon we'll be out pretty soon."

"That's good, Finn." Sirius sighed. "You call us any time, alright? If you need to, or if you're worried, or anything. 

"Thanks Cap, Loops." Finn murmured. "We'll ring in the morning." 

"I'm so sorry." Logan stared down at his limp hands, eyes burning. "I'm so, so sorry."

"It's okay, baby." Finn whispered, squeezing him in. He'd hopped onto the bed, as soon as Logan had properly woken up, and hadn't moved his arm from around Logan's shoulder, since. "It was an accident."

"I can't believe I was so stupid." Logan whispered, and Leo squeezed his hand. 

"It was a bunch of accidents," Leo told him, softly, and Logan looked up at last. He met Leo's blue eyes, searchingly. There was tiredness, and worry, but no blame. "A bunch in a row, and it wasn't your fault."

"The plane must have been awful." Logan whispered, and glanced at Finn, when he felt the minute flinch through his arm. "Oh, Fish." 

"It was awful." Finn acknowledged, softly. "For everyone. But you're okay, and everyone knows you're okay, now, and it's all okay." 

Logan felt his lip curl up a little, helplessly. "So, it's okay?"

"All of it." Finn agreed, quirking a small smile. "It'll be alright, baby." He leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss against Logan's forehead. "It'll all be alright." 

Seeing his parents proved harder. Letting go of Leo's hands, letting Finn climb off the bed, left him feeling cold, and lonely. His parents settled in the chairs beside his bed, both leaning forward, watching him quietly. "I'm sorry." He started, softly. "I should-"

"We're sorry too, Lo." His Mum whispered, softly, and then she was perching beside him on the bed, and pulling him into a hug. Within seconds, his Dad arrived, and they held him there, between them, tightly. 

"I'm sorry." Logan managed, and his eyes were overflowing. He was exhausted, his head and chest ached, and guilt plagued him. "I'm so sorry."

"It was an accident." His Dad reminded him, softly. Logan felt him press a soft kiss, against his hair. "It was all just an accident." They both pulled back, trading a long look, before his Mum cupped his cheek. 

"We're so sorry, Logan," she stroked his cheek, gently. "That we didn't know. That we didn't check in, about how you were doing." 

"No-" Logan jerked back, looking between them. "Oh my god, no, I-" he blinked a few times, and had to swallow. "I was the one, that lied." 

"Because you felt you needed to." His Dad's voice was low. "Because you knew what we thought, about the medication."

Logan felt his cheeks flush, and he looked down. His eyes felt hot. He was probably going to cry again, like a child, like a-

"Whatever you need, Logan," his Dad swept him back up into a hug, and Logan gripped him back as tightly as he could. "Whatever you need, to manage, to be okay," a firm kiss, against his forehead. "We support you, entirely, whatever that looks like."

Logan sagged, in relief, with guilt, with exhaustion; his Mum held him too, and eventually when they pulled back, his Dad asked, and Logan was honest, for the first time in years. 

Seeing the team was a lot. 

Finn and Leo remained firmly at his side, but almost every player embraced him, passed him around, ruffled his hair; and then he was stood, in front of Pascal, and he swallowed. "I'm so sorry."

Pascal shook his head, once. "Who would have children, hmm?" But then he smiled softly, and cupped Logan's cheek, and pressed a kiss to his other. "It was only an accident." He said it softly, pulling back to watch Logan steadily; but the room was quiet, and the team was listening. "An accident," Pascal's lip quirked up. "Although one I know we would all appreciate you not repeating." 

Logan managed a laugh, and it seemed to ease the tension in the room, a soft wave of laughter spreading through the team. "I promise, ouais." 

Pascal nodded. "Good." And then he embraced Logan, tightly. "Welcome back, mon fils." 

"I'm so sorry, Coach." Logan looked down, and shook his head. "I understand, if there's consequences for-"

"It was an accident, Logan." Arthur told him, calmly. Like so many, before him. "I'm sorry it happened, we're sorry you can't play tonight, but I'd rather have you well," he smiled, gently. "Even if it means you miss a game." 

"Thank you, Coach." Logan managed, and Arthur gave him a quick hug, too. 

The flight back to Gryffindor was a tense one, at first.

But Logan sat beside Finn in the middle of the plane, opposite Leo, and tried to tolerate everyone checking on him, twice. 

"Hey, Logan?" 

He looked up, and his therapist was smiling warmly from the doorway. He came to his feet with a slightly awkward smile. "Hi."

"Come on back." She stepped back, and he slipped through the door. "How have things been going since we last caught up?" 

"Wind down time." Finn appeared in the doorway, tapping his empty wrist with a teasing smile. "Shower, Lo?" 

Logan abandoned his phone with a grin. "Go on." 

"How's that feeling, Logan?" Lars asked, watching him carefully as he eased his leg up into a tighter flex. 

"Better." Logan told him, honestly, and relaxed. "Finally." 

Logan chewed at his nail, bouncing his knee lightly. But the early morning weights session had paid off, and the headphones were helping, and he could follow Arthur's new plan on the board. 

"Alright?" Pascal checked, as he let Logan slip into the window seat. 

"Ouais." Logan reassured him, settling into his seat. "I'm ready to go." 

Pascal sat beside him, nodding. "Good." He smiled, squeezing Logan's wrist. "I'm glad." 

"One more." Sirius coached, hovering above him. 

Logan braced, inhaled, and managed it. 

"Nice, Tremz." Sirius said, nodding. "We're done." And the bar slotted back into place. Logan waited, catching his breath, and then Sirius was there, and he rolled up. "You good?" 

"I'm good, Cap." Logan reassured him, smiling gratefully. "Cheers for the early session." 

"Anytime." Sirius squeezed his shoulder. "T's waiting for you at the bag." 

"Hey, Lo, are you taking your meds, today?" Leo appeared in the doorway, holding a familiar pottle in his hand. "It's been twenty seven hours, since you last opened it." He smiled. 

"We've got a board session today, yeah?" Logan checked, and took the pottle when Leo nodded. "Thanks." 

"Of course." Leo disappeared out the door, and Logan took out a single pill, and closed the lid. 

[0h0min10sec]

The countdown started again, and Logan smiled faintly at himself in the mirror; he felt good. He looked happy, in the reflection. 

Logan tilted his head as Leo's voice rose with playful irritation, and rolled his eyes to himself at Finn's rejoinder; he glanced in the mirror once more, smiled again, and slipped through the door to find his boys.