Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Honestly, why the fuck did she choose to take a lab from six to ten at night ?!

Sure, there weren’t any other open courses left for the noon session, but noooo , her enrollment window had to open up a day late last quarter. Ollie grumbled as she lugged her backpack all the way around campus and towards the pick-up zone.

Sure, she was nineteen at this point, and she could drive a car (her flawless no-accident record could attest to that) - but her parents always picked her up, even when in college.

Let’s take a look at our humble protagonist, shall we? As you can see, she’s one of the few fat Asian people that you would find in America- living the American experience, as she would joke. Fitting, since she was born and raised there her entire life.

She had the face of a cherub but the demeanor of a stray dog, with all the scruffy, unkempt hair to back it up. Despite this, her voice was mildly more animated than her boring appearance- if she actually had the time to talk to someone.

Right now, Ollie was dragging herself down her worst enemy: stairs.

Almost there- I can see the damn car like, ten feet away-!

Unfortunately, running off one cup of coffee and greasy ravioli when you’ve been on-campus for fifteen hours tends to do shit to your balance, and she ended up slipping on the concrete stairs.

”Oh, FUCK-!”

Her head met the ground hard , and proceeded to drag and stumble painfully down ten other steps before rolling to the hard ground with a crunch . Something sharp made her jolt from her rough landing into the dirty rainwater from yesterday’s rain.

Ollie could hear her mom’s screams and the sound of the car door opening. Footsteps. Her vision blurred even with her thick, broken glasses, and she thought, groggily-

Damn. It hurts.

Ollie didn’t know if it was a ‘her’ thing, but being comatose wasn’t what it was like in the movies. For one- it felt like a soft, fluffy sleep in her own bed punctuated with some fuzzy noises and vision.

There was a beeping monitor somewhere in the hospital room that faded in and out, and she used it to know what was real and what was not.

The first time she was cognizant since the accident, it was to the sobbing of her mom and the slight sound of Clash of Clans.

Damn. I’m out here dying and my brother playing Clash of Clans. Ollie couldn’t help but wheeze out a chuckle, even if she couldn’t see and her head hurt .

Her mom was begging her to wake up, but she could do nothing but twitch. She felt her mom’s weathered hand on her own, and her heart dropped at the sobbing.

She wanted to drag herself up, tell her mom she was okay- but she wasn’t.

The next few weeks were spent in moments of bliss in her unconsciousness, and head-splitting agony whenever she was awake. It only seemed to get worse.

One time, she could hear the doctor speaking to her father.

”- your daughter was really unfortunate. She landed at the exact angle where her glasses broke, and went into both her eyes. And that’s not accounting for the infection in late stages-“

” Infection ?!” She hadn’t heard her dad say something so scared in English before.

”… I’m sorry, sir. But even with healthcare, the operation is too expensive and applying normal antibiotics so close to her eyes and brain would be too risky. Either she lives longer before dying, without sight and in pain- or we opt for pulling the plug.”

The last time she came to, her hearing was clearer than ever. Her pain receded, but probably from the painkillers in her.

There’s the soft, desperate sound of prayer as her mom mumbled, begging for her to wake up. She couldn’t see them- but she felt that her dad and brother were at the side of the bed. There was no sound of Clash of Clans, no Subway Surfers or corny youtube shorts- nothing from her brother.

The apology was choked out from her father, and it was the first time she’d heard him cry. There was a lot of things she heard for the first time- and this would be the last.

She wanted to say that she was sorry too- but the tiredness that hit her made her sink down and down into sleep.

The monitor beat a few more hours, then flatlined.

… Fuck. So this is it, the end of the line- Jesus fuck that sounded so cringe, I’m talking like a movie character here.

Bleak, isn’t it?

Who the the fuck are you and why are we both disembodied voices.

Well, I’m not disembodied. You’re just not able to see yet, after your little accident.

Don’t tell me I’m going to be dead AND blind. God forbid.

Nah, nah- you’re just going to reincarnate after a while and get it back.

Wh- reincarnate??? Don’t tell me my parents were being right about Buddhism.

Not really. It’s more of like an extended vacation before your soul is recycled and dumped back into another baby.

Nice, a vacation. But- where am I going?

Mmm… since you’ve kinda lived a bland life, not good but not bad either- you get a mild amount of choice.

Wait, really?

Yeah. Bad people get sent to the bad worlds, good people get sent to wherever they want with luck and power on their side- and ordinary joes like you get a random pick and a weak power of your choice.

Oh damn, nice. What qualifies as a weak power?

I dunno- something shitty. Like limited shapeshifting, minor body enhancements…

How about an indestructible laptop that always returns to me, carrying everything that’s on the Internet from its inception until now?

… Creative, I like that. Don’t get all cocky and think it’s like that one anime about a guy and his smartphone, though- I’m gonna make it an archive only. No connecting to your world’s internet, and no talking to your family from the dead.

That’s fine. I just need entertainment.

Then let’s get started. Say, where did you expect to go when you die?

I dunno man, hell probably. I thought I was going straight into the inferno once I croaked.

Straight into the Inpherno, you say?

Okay, you sound weird and why are you pronouncing it like that. Wait wait wait why does it feel like I’m falling and aaaAAAAAAA-

Ollie jolted from something warm, inhaling sharply. The room was too dark to see anything yet- but as her eyes slowly adjusted (thank God, sweet, divine sight-) she could make out the room vaguely.

There was a small, open window on the side of the green-wallpapered room, with the soft sound of a city at night. Moonlight streamed in through her curtains and illuminated the apartment she found herself in- something she would only call chaotically ordered. There were clothes stuffed haphazardly into a drawer without folding, a desk filled with papers, notebooks and a laptop… and a shelf full of cookbooks.

“What the fuck- who’s house is this.” Ollie deadpanned. She hoisted herself up from the bed, and she caught a glimpse of her own skin. “WHY AM I WHITE.”

Instead of the peach-tan skin and chewed fingernails she was familiar with, her skin was slightly off-white with a hint of pink around the pads, and short, chipped claws that merged with her fingers.

“I mean, sure, I guess, make me pasty as hell and look like a fat marshmellow, geez.” Ollie rubbed her hand and stumbled over to a light switch, turning it on and going to the bathroom.

The former human nearly jumped back when she saw her reflection. She looked like a fucking Roblox character- no hair, white skin and thin, long horns that curved directly back making her look even more bald.

… Holy shit.

It took an hour to realize where she was and what world she’d be unceremoniously shoved into- most of the time was her bitching about her newfound baldness and running her hands along her new horns.

Okay, Ollie- think. You’ve got horns now and look like a fucking- what was that antelope-looking thing again? She chewed on her lip, looking at the curved cheek markings that flanked her mouth.

Saola- right. The one that looks like a deer but is actually a bovid. Good to see my bio assignments had some use.

She hears the sound of a phone buzzing, and picks it up from her desk. It looks old , like an off-brand iPhone 5. The lock screen is some forest scenery and an oddly familiar symbol.

She’s in fucking Phighting .

Or would it be ‘phucking’ Phighting, now? Ollie isn’t sure- she’s too stressed to care about the spelling and phonetics of a fictional roblox game.

The realization comes when she opens the internet and is flashbanged with a 2015-era Google ripoff called RoSearch and is flashbanged with all the blue and tacky buttons that were used. There was even a Facebook analogue on her homescreen. Fucking Facebook! Nobody but old people and nutjobs used that website in 2024!

And to top it off, she sees all of the forum boards about the Phight tomorrow broadcast in Crossroads. Her own location was set to Crossroads. That was when she set down the phone, flopped down on the bed, and bit into the pillow in frustration.

Her new fanged teeth sunk into the fabric and cotton in frustration. I don’t even PLAY Phighting that much! I suck ass at it!

And she wasn’t lying- Ollie started playing right after Possessed vs. Bitten, and played during the Dove vs. Crow Phestival because she was bored. She couldn’t hit consistent point-blank shots with Boombox , of all Phighters. Boombox!

“ Uggggh I hate my fucking liiiife…” She sounded more of like an actual teen than a college student who’d just died moments ago. “I don’t even know self-defense or any combat-”

Fuck it. Get yourself together, boot up that laptop mystery-voice guy gave you, and prepare. Ollie stopped biting into the pillow with her crooked fangs (why, of all things, did her crooked-ass teeth follow her to this life too?) and went to crack open the laptop.

“Okay… first off- is this normal? Can I- yes!” The bulky laptop booted up to the exact replica of her old Macbook, straight from 2024.

Now, is the Phighting wiki working?

It takes another five hours of scrolling, typing notes down on Google Drive and cross-referencing stuff with her phone (which was connected to the Inphinity’s internet instead of her old world’s internet) , Ollie stands up from her seat and stretches.

“Great- great. Now- blend in, get a job, and don’t get involved with any of the factions or Phighters.”

Ollie takes a deep breath, and puts her laptop in a backpack, stepping towards her apartment door.

“Don’t fuck it up.” She tells herself.

Chapter Text

[Slingshot]

Many demons are usually surprised that Slingshot could be responsible, let alone run a business. Slingshot doesn’t take offense to this- after all, he kind of is a fast and hyper guy. Nobody really expects him of all people to be running one of the best cafes in all of Crossroads, but here he is.

His schedule usually looks a little something like this: drive from his house in Thieves’ Den to his Cat Cafe on weekdays, work from 11AM to 10PM, close up, then go home. Shuriken and Vine Staff usually take their roles as servers, but today, they aren’t there.

Vine Staff said something about “her stupid brother needing to clean up his mess”, whatever that meant. Shuriken did have a bad habit of throwing his gear everywhere.

So that left Slingshot by himself to open up and run his cafe. That’s fine! He’s done it a million times before he hired the two siblings. The cat-like demon hummed as he brushed the dirt off his maid-dress uniform and opened the door for the day.

Wednesdays were pretty slow, compared to Fridays. He didn’t open on weekends, but every demon visiting Crossroads seems to flock to his cafe at the end of the work week. Sure, there were no customers now since he just opened, but-

*Ring-ring!*

The bells attached to his door chimed as someone walked in. Slingshot blinked. Already? He thought. Man, I wonder who it is…

“Heya, welcome to Slingshot’s Cat Cafe! I’m Slingshot, what can I get for you today?”

The first thing he notices about them is their height. The demon standing in front of him was much smaller than him, and was barely above his shoulders. Even their own horns didn’t do them justice- they were a dark brown, curving 90 degrees back at the base in a V-shape.

And to top it off- they reminded him of a stray dog. Demons didn’t have any fur or hair, but the new demon still managed to pull off looking like a scruffy mess with her rumpled clothing and crooked glasses.

“Hey.” They wave and give an awkward slight nod, as if to say hello. “Iced coffee, please.” They didn’t even look at the menu, simply nudging some Bux towards Slingshot and walking away to a table in the farthest corner, choosing a seat that was hidden by a part of the wall.

“Hey, um- you forgot the change?” He leans over the counter a bit.

“... Just keep it.” The smaller demon replied.

Slingshot frowned a bit at the quiet behavior of his new customer. Maybe they were a bit tired, after all!

They weren’t tired.

Slingshot’s newest customer was huddled away in that corner table for his entire shift on Wednesday, typing away at a laptop and glancing at their phone sometimes. He didn’t even see them stand up for a break or something- they just sat there! For an entire eleven hours!

“Alright, guys! Sorry to say, but it’s closing time!” Some demons in a line at the counter groaned, disappointed that they didn’t get to buy their pastries from Slingshot. “I’ll make sure to make a fresh batch next time, not to worry!”

He walked towards the demon (he really didn’t get their name, did he?) And watched as they jolted up, closing their laptop and looking at him warily.

”… Yeah?” They said. Slingshot blinked, and extended out a helping hand to them. ”Are… you okay?”

Instead of accepting any help, the customer just stuffed everything into their backpack and power-walked off, curling themself in and disappearing easily into the leaving crowd with their small size.

”… Geez, what is their problem? ”

[Ollie]

Shit shit shit shit fuck- why did I even GO to that place when Slingshot runs it! I just fucked up my plan in less than a week!

Ollie was cursing up a storm, practically jogging to her apartment. It’d been a week and a half since she died and was thrown into Crossroads, and now she was going against her initial idea of “avoid the Phighers at all cost”. She’d even planned out all the routes to avoid them!

But noooo , she had to go and get curious when she remembered that Slingshot ran “one of the best cafes” in all of Crossroads. She just had to fall into her old habit of checking out cafes and drinking.

Because I don’t think I can live without my sweet, sweet drinks ever again!!!

The former human was a sucker for any cold, caffeinated sweet drink. She’d blown a hundred dollars in her first quarter of uni just buying boba and Starbucks, like a family-friendly alcoholic!

Why did I do thiiiiis…

Slingshot’s cafe wasn’t bad- no, it was the opposite. It was way too good .

She’d only ordered an iced coffee that she rationed throughout the entire time she was there- and it was perfect. The damn cat demon even put the effort into putting whipped cream and cocoa powder on it!

If I ordered something like that back in Irvine, it’d be eight dollars, not- not four! Either the economy here is small or California’s just that expensive!!!

Ollie groaned as she flopped back down on her bed, her apartment scattered with new papers and job applications. On one of them, it says “accepted: BOGIO skate shop”. “ Whyyyyy… I can’t even resist going back there again…”

[Slingshot]

He’s accustomed to seeing that weird demon again.

They always walked in the moment he opened up shop on Wednesdays, and just to his luck, it was Shuriken and Vinestaff’s new off-day for the weekly Phights.

There’s nothing wrong with them- they even pay him twice the amount for his iced coffee! He tried giving it back to them, slipping it into their pocket- but they always find out later and come back the next day to pay him three times as much!

It’s just- they’re odd . Like they’re acting aloof from everyone and anyone who comes too close- but they decided to sit in his cafe every week?

And they stay for way too long, either typing away at their computer or scribbling something down on their notebooks. Slingshot tried peering at their screen one time, and it’s just… black. Like the laptop isn’t even on!

He doesn’t know their name, their gear- hell, what are they even doing in Crossroads? He’s talked to all his customers at least once, and they’ve been more or less chatty!

So he decides, once and for all, that he’s gonna try and make a new friend! After all, Katana was kind of scary before he got to know him, so why should this demon be different?

Slingshot walks up to them, and he sees them tense up as they usually do, their hand gripping their pen and closing their notebook. Now that he’s close up, he notes the slight grey markings on their cheeks.

”Hey, so- I never really got your name!” He laughs rubbing his head in an embarrassed way. “And I’m always here to make my customers happy with my service so- mind if I have it?”

The short, fat demon stares at him for a long time. It’s awkward and unsettling, how quiet they’re being compared to when they order. The cat demon begins to sweat.

”… It’s Pan. Frying Pan.” Their voice isn’t monotone like before- now that he notices it, they sound younger than him. The demon must be really nervous, seeing a Phighter in front of them- he might be like a celebrity to them! He breathes out a sigh of relief and attempts to crack a joke.

”Haha! I bet you’re a pretty good cook then!” The smaller demon makes a face- he’s not sure what expression it is.

”…”

[ Ollie Pan]

SHIT SHIT ABORT ABORT!!! I’M GONNA FUCKING DIEEEE-

Now, usually Ollie wouldn’t be so nervous with interacting with anyone- but this was a Phighter . She’s played the game, got her ass whooped a hundred different ways, and know that he could fight and she could not.

She’d taken another name now, since “Ollie” isn’t exactly a name that demons had around here. Okay, maybe it could be a nickname for Skateboard but that wasn’t the point- what did matter was that it was a human name, and demons were named after their gear.

Pan didn’t have a gear, seeing that she wasn’t exactly born in the Spawn and was just shoved into a random body. So she just grabbed a regular old cast-iron frying pan from her kitchen, named herself after it, and took to carrying it around in her backpack.

FUCK- okay, how do I act cool? How in the hell do I make myself NOT look suspicious as fuck?

“… I burnt down my house trying to make tea.”

NOT LIKE THAT!!!

Slingshot was now looking at her like, his mouth twitching. Ollie braced for the inevitable suspicion as to why a demon with a frying pan as their gear would suck at cooking, when they had it from birth.

”- Pfft. O-oh, holy Illumina- y-you-!“ The cat-horned demon proceeded to bust out laughing, holding his stomach. “You messed up making tea?!”

Pan’s face turned red in embarrassment. “I-It was a long time ago, okay?! I-I didn’t know that sticking a branch in there would make it flammable!”

”AAHAHA- It gets BETTER!” She pouts at him, her previous fear fading into mortification. “Shut up, dude!”

Pan had really almost burned her house down making tea, back when she was a stupid elementary-school kid with her grandma and mom. She’d gotten curious, and poked a chopstick right into the stove… and proceeded to freak out when it burned, tossing it into a nearby spice rack.

”Ahaha- ohhh, man, that was funny. You know, being from Theives’ Den and all that- I can make some absolutely killer tea, dude.”

Pan gave a half-hearted shrug. “I’m a girl, actually.” Slingshot blinks.

”Oh- whoops! I’ve been referring to you as a ‘they’ the whole time because you didn’t really- you know.”

”Nah, its cool. She or they is fine.”

[Slingshot] - Aftermath

After that, getting Pan to relax at his cafe was much less stressful. Sure, she still tucked herself in that corner table- but she ordered stuff other than ice coffee and made small talk with him otherwise.

Now that he kind of knew her… Pan was kinda weird. But less in a “this demon might be trying to kill me” kind of way to a more friendly, odd kind of weird.

”What’s ‘Air Jordans’?” He tilted his head as Pan was scribbling onto her notebook. Slingshot marveled at the drawings- they weren’t top-quality, but the smaller demon had some pretty creative ideas.

She chuckled. “Oh, never mind. They probably don’t have those brand of shoes here…’

”You’re into shoes?” He asked. There weren’t any other customers in his cafe, so he leaned on her table, watching her sketch out some really wack-looking shoes.

”Nah. But I know some people who were really into them. I mean like obsessed .” She made a wide gesture. “The ‘I spent five hundred bucks on these pairs to never wear them’ kind of obsessed.”

” Five hundred Bux?! Who even sells shoes those expensive?!” He crosses his arms, sticking out his tongue in disdain. “Well they better be good or something, because at that point it’s just robbery!”

She muttered. “That’s not even counting the collector’s edition… I saw a scalper sell one for 100k.”

”ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND?!”

Another time, she asked for a drink that didn’t exist- or so he thought.

Pan tilted her head down, her curved horns rising up to make her slightly taller. “Hey- you’re from Theives’ Den, right? Do they have Thai tea there?”

Slingshot gave her the most confused look he could muster. He looked like one of those kittens you’d see in old memes, about to sneeze. “What in SFOTH is Tie tea?”

”No- Thai tea. You know, like the-“ The short demon paused for a while, then groaned, facepalming. Slingshot could slightly hear her mutter “-of course it’s not gonna have that name, because Thailand doesn’t exist-“

She shakes her head, and types in her laptop. Slingshot still didn’t know why it looked like that, but apparently Pan could see the screen just fine.

”The recipe includes strong-brewed black tea, star anise, crushed tamarind, cardamom…”

He’s curious, alright. “I’ve heard of tamarind- it’s sometimes sold by wandering traders in Thieves Den. I’ll go ask Katana about it.”

The cat-horned demon sees her tense up at the mention of Katana, but force herself down to be calm. “Right- right. If it helps, it’s supposed to be an orange-colored sweet cold tea, usually mixed with sweetened condensed milk. And I usually like mine with tapioca pearls.”

That night, when he drove back to Theives’ Den, he made sure to pay a visit to Katana’s house. The older masked demon grumbled as he opened the door.

”What is your purpose here, Slingshot?” Katana asked, clearly tired.

Slingshot took off his shoes and placed them at the front door, padding into Katana’s house with his socks. “Just wanted to ask a question about some drink-“

He kneeled down on the zabuton , fiddling with his varsity jacket. “One of my customers asked about a… Thai tea? I didn’t know what that was, so she listed off the ingredients instead: black tea, star anise, tamarind… cardamom I think?”

Katana looks taken aback, for once. “… Orange cream tea? I’ve heard of it before- but it’s only served in a specific clan far south of Theives’ den, near the unmapped territories.”

The older demon seems contemplative. “It’s very rare to hear about any demon who knows that drink - even if they got the name wrong. They must be quite the traveler in Theives’ Den.”

Slingshot hummed, contemplating if he found out what faction Pan was from. “Thank you for your help, Katana.”

”Anytime.”

Chapter Text

[Pan]

She’s fallen into some semblance of normalcy after one month in Crossroads.

Basically, it goes like this: wake up, do all the research on demon culture and norms that she needs for the social interactions for the day. Throw on her clothes, go do her job at the BOGGIO skate shop as a supplier, then walk home.

Wednesdays and Thursdays were her break days, since BOGGIO didn’t close on weekends. Pan’s coworker, 8-Bit, took over the shift.

She’d been surprised to know that there were multiple demons with the same gear- but it made sense. There were multiple skateboard gears on the Roblox marketplace- and an 8-Bit Skateboard was one of them.

He looked and acted completely different from the Phighter Skateboard. 8-Bit was more of a gamer than an actual skateboarder, only using his gear to get around quicker than actually fight. Interesting, to see the difference between how a civilian used their gear and how a Phighter did.

However, this Wednesday she completely missed her schedule- Pan ended up staying home to pay off her apartment rent (which was pleasantly low! Turns out, Crossroads didn’t have a fucking housing crisis like California!). The former human spent half her day running around with her head off, learning how to do it on her own for the first time.

Her first time living alone… It hit her, that day. That she was never going to be able to see her parents again, never going to mess with her brother and call him an idiot, never fulfill that promise of getting a job and buying mom and dad a new fancy car and house and…

Pan spent the other half of the day looking through her laptop. She scrolled through every picture of her family together, taking in their faces, the way they smiled at her from the screen. Despite having bad eyesight and half-assed memory… she did her best.

It felt so weird , seeing her old body. She thought she was going to get dysphoria, miss her old human body- but Ollie only wanted her life back.

[Shuriken]

“Come on, come on-! Something must be wrong, my best customer wasn’t here yesterday…” Shuriken frowned as he watched Slingshot pace the cafe, minutes before their opening on Thursday.

”What’s so big about the new guy, anyway? I mean, you yourself said that they’ve been going here only for a month…” Vine Staff says.

”You don’t get it, Vine- She’s been here consistently . Stays for the entire opening to closing shift, and she’s the reason behind the new hit drink!” Slingshot explains.

Shuriken pipes up. “Wait- you’re saying that she’s behind the orange cream tea? That’s wild!”

The cat-horned demon let out a ‘ nya’ and sigh. “No- she didn’t make the recipe, just told me about it. Apparently it’s from the south outskirts of Theives’ Den.”

Shuriken crosses his arms, and huffs as he opens the door for the day. “Well, get over it! I’m sure she’ll be here next-“

The door bell jingles, and the shortest demon Shuriken’s ever seen walks into the cafe. Slingshot perks up.

”Pan! Good to see you! What happened yesterday?”

“Haha, you know the deal- rent was due, and I had to fork up some Bux.” The demon paused as she looked at Vine Staff and Shuriken, visibly becoming more withdrawn and wilting back.

Slingshot gives them an apologetic look. “I’m so sorry guys- she’s really shy around others for the first time. Took her a while to warm up to me.”

Pan nods, and sets down eight Bux on the table. “Iced Orange cream tea, with tapioca please.” Slingshot perks right back up, and rushes to take the order.

Shuriken recalls how his roommate Slingshot was complaining about a new customer acting suspicious, and how he slowly changed his mind over the month. And he was right!

What kind of demon just types away at a black screen for hours? And Shuriken’s never seen a plump demon outside of Lost Temple- no other demon would have that much money to buy food to the point of appearing that healthy.

Even if Slingshot trusted ‘Pan’, he won’t . Even his sister Vinestaff is looking at the short demon with a bit of hesitation, see?

For the rest of the day when he’s serving customers, his eyes are trained on Pan, who shrinks back and covers her notebook every time she sees him look.

Being the reckless, impulsive demon he is, he can’t take it anymore.

”What’cha doing, hmmm?” Shuriken deliberately leans down to see what Pan is writing. There’s a flash of panic as she closes the notebook. “Nothing! It’s none of your business.”

Shuriken hisses, as Vinestaff glances from another table she’s serving and groans. “Shuriken, knock it off!”

”Why would I? She’s weird and suspicious and doesn’t want me to see her notebook!” Pan makes a confused, slightly annoyed expression at the insult.

”Wh- what did I do to you ?” He swipes her notebook from the table. “HEY! Don’t-“

Shuriken opened it expecting to find something truly dastardly, like a hit list or some info on all of them like Pan was a spy. Instead he’s met with a cartoony drawing of Slingshot dunking a basketball.

”… Huh?” Pan looks sheepish as Vinestaff and Shuriken look at the drawing. She seems embarrassed by it. “It was going to be a surprise for Slingshot because he put my favorite drink on the menu.”

Shuriken at least had the decency to feel a bit ashamed of himself for yanking someone’s half-finished drawing away, and he slides the notebook back to Pan. “Sorry. It looks good at least.”

The comment set her off on a self-critiquing rant, Shuriken listening on in fascination about the drawing.

”Good? Good?! I messed up the proportions, for god’s sake! One of his arms isn’t shaped properly, and I messed up the curve of his horns!”

Pan continued to complain on and on about her chicken-scratch lineart, and Shuriken took it as his cue to slink away.

[Pan]

What an asshole. Pan thought. She went back to drawing her gift for Slingshot. I’m going to avoid him and Vinestaff if they’re both this annoying.

Drawing with claws was hard, okay? She had to hold her pencil more tilted now and prevent her ring finger from slicing into the paper as she moved her hand.

Taking a minute to cool down, she sipped her Thai tea. It was less sweet and more flavor-y, but she liked it. It reminded her of the Taste Nirvana brand of Thai Tea she always got in the supermarket with her father, more specifically the short glass-bottle one.

Come to think of it… her brother liked the same drink too. Pan’s shifted focus on her brother came at the most inconvenient time- right when Vine Staff was chastising Shuriken in front of her.

She watched as they argued. ”Shuri, you need to do the dishes! Slingshot’s busy baking and I have to serve the customers!”

”Why don’t you do them, then? I can serve the customers just fine by myself!” Shuriken huffed. Vine Staff shot back with a sarcastic reply. “Yeah, like when you spilled coffee all over that one Lost Temple guy. He was livid that his business suit was ruined!”

… It reminded her of her own brother. Sure, it was silly - her own brother was just as lazy as her and looked nothing like the line-green demon in front of her, but… Pan could see herself in Vine Staff too.

The former human couldn’t help but stare and think about her home. Right now, she was just Ollie, not Pan.

[Vine Staff]

Shuriken was right- Pan was odd.

Ever since they bickered in front of her, she was… staring at them more? And she was even drawing in her notebook less. It felt unsettling, hearing the short demon say nothing.

Three weeks in, and Pan was still staring at them. Vine Staff shuddered every time she looked her way. It wasn’t even malicious, but it felt weird! Didn’t Slingshot say she only showed up on Wednesdays?

Stop staring at me and my brother!

Other times, the customer would make conversation, but in a way that was so utterly bizarre compared to how she talked to Slingshot. Like right now.

”- so, I had to water the roses everyday, because I was afraid that they’d get thirsty. Problem was, I didn’t know how to take care of them, so I just dumped the fertilizer up top and flooded it.”

”Telling me how you suck at gardening is not how you make me feel better.” Vine Staff rubs her face in frustration. “You’re supposed to moisten the top layer and have a good amount of water- not drown them!”

Pan let out an awkward whining laugh, clearly trying to be friendly but failing. “Don’t worry, every plant that I touch seems to die. So you should probably avoid me! ”

Vine Staff, who herself was slowly turning into a plant from her curse, made a face and inched away.

And Pan’s focus on her brother was concerning. Like, not creep levels of concerning, but more like ‘why are you trying to act like his sister’ levels of concerning. Like right now.

”Shuriken- just- listen to Vine Staff, okay? You’ve been late to work again!” Pan said, sipping on her orange cream tea. “I can’t keep on making excuses for you.”

Shuriken sputtered. “You-you’re not even working here!” Pan nods. “But I am talking Slingshot that you’re the best waiter here. It helps for the pay raise!”

Vine Staff frowns, and crosses her arms. “You’ve got a point- but he’s my brother. I’m the one who’s supposed to tell him that and chew him out.”

Pan simply groans, but Vine Staff can see a flicker of another unknown emotion on her face. Sadness? “Fine- fine. Just helping out.”

It was the fourth week where Vine Staff figured out what was up with the staring and comments to her brother.

Slingshot’s cafe was empty except for them, Slingshot, and Pan. The short demon was busy typing on her black-screen laptop as usual, and Shuriken was busy playing on his phone. Pan, out of nowhere, looks up and gives her brother an exasperated look. “Shuriken, did you finish the dishes?” Slingshot was busy doing them, but he was struggling to do so many despite the empty cafe.

Shuriken didn’t look up from his phone. “Vine Staff can do it.” Vine Staff looked at him, offended. “No I won’t! I already did our own dishes five times at home!”

Pan nodded, and this time she had to agree with the weirdo. Pan rolled her eyes. “Shuriken, do the dishes or I’m telling mom.”

”I don’t even have a mom!” He yells, although with a bit of confusion as to why the customer would assume that. Demons didn’t usually sacrifice their gears to a spawn for a child, after all. Shuriken and Vine Staff came into the Inpherno naturally.

”Do the dishes.” Pan’s voice became more stern but insistent, and Vine Staff realized how much it sounded like her own voice. “You already left them there-“

”You’re NOT my sister!” Shuriken yelled, frustrated. His voice sounded a bit higher-pitched than normal, and then-

“OZZIE! Shut up, go do the dishes, or I’m telling mom!” Pan groaned loudly, frustrated.

Silence. Everyone just stared at Pan, whose face was now twitching.

”My name’s not Ozzie.” Shuriken muttered, sulking. Pan seemed to realize her mistake, paling a bit. “Who the hell is ‘Ozzie’?”

”… Nobody.” The short demon turns away, and looks at the wall. Vine Staff saw them take their laptop and close it. “Nevermind. Do what you want.” Pan’s voice sounded monotone, but if she strained she could hear a bit of distress.

[Shuriken]

No, but really- who the hell was Ozzie? Another spy? Her coworker?

Shuriken narrowed his eyes, eager to find out what the hell is up with Pan. From the look on her face, she’d let slip something big , and he wasn’t going to let her get away with this. He strutted forward, looking to intimidate her (despite being built like a squeaky toy compared to the other Phighters).

”And who exactly is Ozzie, huh ? Is he a weirdo just like-“ He stopped when he saw exactly why she was facing the cafe wall.

He’d seen a lot of people cry, but the one that stuck with him the most was when his sister realized that she wasn’t getting rid of her curse. Vine Staff didn’t sob and wail desperately, or yell in anger as she cried.

No, she was completely quiet, with only tears streaming down her face and the occasional deep breath and hiccup. Vine Staff, when she saw that her brother was watching her, turned her face away and tried to wipe her tears. She didn’t show her face even as he hugged her, scared.

Later, when he asked why she didn’t show her face, Vine Staff explained. “I didn’t want you to see me like this and get upset. I can’t make my little brother cry, too.”

Pan’s crying was sort of like that- but she was better at doing it. Shuriken and Vine Staff wouldn’t even know she was crying if they saw her from farther away.

But there was the tell-tale sign of puffy eyes and quiet, uneven breaths. Pan’s eyes were watery, but none of the tears spilled onto her cheeks.

Seeing them stare, instead of yelling- the short demon just lifted up her glasses, rubbed her eyes with her sleeve, and faked a yawn. “I-I’m- getting tired. Sorry.”

Pan meticulously shoved her laptop and notebook into her backpack. Shuriken could see her hands falter and shake a bit, but that was all. She packed up, stood up, and left with a casual walk.

He feels like an asshole now, making a customer cry. Sure, she was shady and creepy and weird- but she really didn’t do anything to them.

Vine Staff frowned at her brother. “Shuriken! What did you have to go and do that for? Now she’s probably not gonna go to Slingshot’s cafe anymore!”

”I-I- Well, she was acting freaky and weird all the time so-“

”That’s no excuse for making her cry! What if that was a sensitive topic for her?” Vine Staff gripped her staff and bonked her brother on the head, using it to steer him away from the door. “If we ever even see her again, you’re apologizing! No ‘buts’!”

Shuriken deflated, not even wanting to argue. “Yeah. Okay.”

Chapter Text

[Vine Staff]

They don’t have to wait long before Pan comes back. It takes another week before the short demon shows up as usual, orders her orange cream tea, and sits down on the same cafe table- like clockwork. Slingshot looks towards Shuriken with a huff.

Vine Staff pulls her brother up by the scruff of his hood, and he whines. “Vine, what-”

She points to Pan, and nudges Shuriken. “Go apologize. Now.”

She watches as her brother walks up to Pan’s table, a guilty expression on his face. Pan raises an eyebrow, trying to act like nothing had happened two weeks ago.

“... I’m sorry.” Shuriken says. Vine Staff goes up to nudge him again. “For what , Shuri?”

“I’m sorry for making you cry.” Shuriken grumbles. Pan closes her eyes and nods, pushing up her glasses.

“It’s alright.” The short demon goes back to typing at her computer. Shuriken pauses for a moment, looking at the black screen, and then-

“ Really , but why are you weird ? And you still didn’t explain who- ” Vine Staff gasps and bonks her brother on the head with her gear again. “Shuriken!” She exclaims, outraged. “Right after she cried last time?!”

Shuriken covers his head and whines. “Vine- I’m just curious, okay?!”

“No, no- it’s- understandable that you two don’t trust me.” Pan has an awkward expression on her face, as if she’s trying to express sympathy but doesn’t know how to convey it. “It’s- I did stare at you guys a lot for the whole time.”

Vine Staff can see Slingshot, who’s busy cleaning another table in the morning. He’s listening in, just as curious as the both of his employees.

Pan fidgets with the aglets of her hoodie, murmuring. “I’m- not that good at social interaction with other demons.” Shuriken frowns as she continues. “Either I manage to get the topic right, or I don’t have the right words to say it.”

Vine Staff blinks. That… makes sense, actually. At least for the times where she awkwardly started up conversations.

Her brother crossed his arms and gave a scoff. “And what about the staring, huh?”

Pan looks more uncomfortable at the question. “... I- You-” She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, and folds her hands. “You just- reminded me of my own little brother.”

“Huh?” For Vine Staff and her brother, it was the last thing they expected from the small demon. Maybe a derogatory comment about how she didn’t like Thieves’ Den demons, or how she was spying on them to take them down, but-

Vine Staff was the first to ask. “You- you also have a little brother?” Shuriken looks at Pan, realizing slowly dawning that she saw him as a little brother, and wasn’t trying to be creepy on purpose.

The smaller demon lowered her head, her dark v-shaped horns pointing up defensively. Pan’s face showed visible discomfort at the words.

“... had. I had a little brother.”

[Slingshot]

Silence. Complete and absolute silence filled the cafe.

Slingshot even dropped the cloth he was using to polish the windows, a look of ‘oh shit’ on his face.

He could see Shuriken’s face fill with horror as he realized that he’d messed up bad with his comment two weeks ago, that he’d probably called her dead brother a “weirdo”.

“Look, this is getting too personal for me.” Pan opens up her laptop again, and this is the first time Slingshot and his employees saw her this frustrated . “Just- drop the subject . I’ll forgive everything, but I’m not going to explain anything beyond that unless you two stop being hostile and let me have some time, okay?”

If it were any other demon, Slingshot would have escorted them out the moment they showed a hint of irritation. After all, his species tended to escalate from annoyance to anger in the drop of a hat. Any other demon would have just lunged at Shuriken if they were in Pan’s place.

But for the month and a half, Pan somehow managed to become the most level-headed demon he’d come across. She didn’t even avoid them or act cold- just told them to leave her be, and come back another time.

He muttered to Vine Staff as she walked over to him, dejected. “Man… that sucks. I’m surprised she was cool about it.” She winces.

“Pan is most certainly not ‘cool’ about it, Sling. She’s avoiding us even more.” Slingshot glances over at Pan, who’s trying not to look up from her laptop. Vine Staff picks at the flowers on her wooden arm a bit with her other claws. “I don’t even want to know how I would react if someone said that about Shuri, let alone lose him.”

For the next few hours, nobody really said anything to each other, working in the cafe and serving customers. Shuriken is more sluggish than Slingshot has ever seen before- he must feel awful .

Even Pan seems to look up from time to time to check on the two, even if they did push her too far. She still stays for the entire day, plugging in USB after USB into her laptop and doing… something . Who even uses that much USBs??? Slingshot doesn’t know. But she’s not in the mood to talk now, so he’ll probably ask next week when she’s cooled down.

When the cafe closes at the end of Thursday, Pan’s already got her stuff packed and is just sitting at the corner table, watching Slingshot and his roommates clean up. She huffs, and walks out the door without another word.

Shuriken and Vine Staff watch her leave. The younger demon fidgets with his gear. “... I messed up. Really bad.”

Slingshot pats him on the back, trying to reassure him. “It’s okay. We all didn’t know that it was a sensitive subject- Pan’s gonna be back next week at the same time, I bet.”

“But I don’t think she’s gonna forgiiiive me…” Shuriken laments, his sister feeling just as bummed out as him thinking about it. “I tried to apologize to her and only made it worse!”

“Don’t worry. I have a feeling she’s not the type to hold a grudge.”

[Pan]

Pan was definitely the type of person to hold a grudge, but not in a petty way.

Okay, maybe she was kind of petty- like that time she started a three-year feud with that one guy in middle school because he did better than her in class. But she wasn’t going to hate Shuriken because he called her and her brother a weirdo. She had better things to do than mope around all day.

Anyways- thank god that my laptop screen isn’t visible to them. Otherwise they’d be asking why I’m looking at stuff that doesn’t exist.

So, you’re curious as to what Pan was doing exactly with her magical-laptop-that-connects-to-another-world? Why is she spending eleven hours at a cat cafe and not moving?

Pan was creating an archive of everything that she could from Earth. Youtube videos, science articles, online books- anything. She praised the mysterious voice for also doing away with all of the paywalls online, only giving her the good stuff.

”Hallelujah, bitches!” She snickered, sitting criss-cross applesauce on her bed. Pan made sure to close and cover her apartment window and door as she filtered the stuff.

Nope, ain’t choosing that- it shows an actual human guy and they’ll freak out. Oooh, what about this song? Wait- no. It mentions Jesus Christ. They ain’t got Christianity in Inphinity.

That’s right. Her absolutely balls-insane plan was to get stuff from her world and post it anonymously on their equivalent of Youtube and Tumblr. Why?

Pan had always liked sharing stuff with other people and seeing their reactions- it’s why she was such a huge junkie for reaction fics and let’s plays when she was alive.

She knew very well that she might be playing Columbus here, that on the low, low chance some idiot from Blackrock got wind of the truth and built a machine to travel to her world or some shit, they would be absolutely annihilated by humans. A total population of a few hundred million demons meant nothing to over eight billion humans . 

But Pan was human. And for her, to be human was to crave connection so much that she’d carve out a piece of her old self and give it to her new friends, no matter how different they were.

Kinda funny- in the Bible, the Devil tempted the first human woman with the fruit of knowledge. And now- a former human woman is offering the same fruit to a bunch of demons.

Pan chuckled wryly at her own analogy. Man, I think my AP English Lit class had more of an impact on me than I thought. Dorky-ass bible references.

[Vine Staff]

Slingshot was right- Pan was nothing if not consistent.

The small demon appeared the next week on Thursday as usual, parking herself in the same corner table. “One orange cream tea, please.”

Vine Staff delivered the drink herself, looking at Pan awkwardly as she tugged her own jacket off and threw it on the chair. Pan raised an eyebrow.

”Where’s your brother?” She asked. Vine Staff replied with a sigh. “He’s at home. Said he didn’t want to come today.”

Pan looked as if Vine Staff had said something stupid. “… If he’s afraid that I’d get pissed, why avoid me? I’m sure he could beat me in a fight and make fun of me while doing it.”

”He’s avoiding you because he feels bad, damn it.” Vine Staff pinches the bridge of her… face? She didn’t exactly have a nose. “I told him to take responsibility, but noooo , he just had to run off.”

“Hmph- hehe.” Pan had a… fond look on her face? She was actually smiling slightly. “Man, he’s completely different- but still. So similar to Ozzie.”

Vine Staff jolts, surprised that Pan was actually talking. “Your- your brother? Are you sure you-“

The v-horned demon gave a bittersweet grin with crooked teeth. “Yeah. It- it feel better if I talk about it. I won’t tell you everything, ‘course, just…”

Vine Staff was silent, hanging on to every word Pan said. “My little brother’s name was- well, his full name was Oswald, but I called him Ozzie. Drove mom wild- she kept telling me to call him ‘little brother’, but I digress.”

‘Oswald’ didn’t sound like a name or a gear, but she kept quiet. Pan continued.

”And, well- he was a total rat . An absolute bastard .” Even with the crude insults, there was familial fondness seeping through every word. “He didn’t do the dishes, spent all his time gaming, and made me buy candy for him all the time.”

The pink-horned demon nodded. “Little brothers are like that. So annoying .” Pan’s grin widened and amused crinkles formed at the edge of her eyes. “It’s universal.”

The two talked for the rest of the day- to Vine Staff’s delight, there weren’t a lot of customers that Thursday. Pan made for great conversation, bar the initial awkwardness.

”And so, I told him- ‘tell that bastard that called you an NPC that I’ll break into class to shit on his car like a pigeon’! Vine Staff wheezed in melodic laughter at the remark, and how protective Pan was of her own brother.

The Theives’ Den demon muffled her laughter with her kimono sleeve. “I wouldn’t be so crude- but whoever messes with Shuriken would learn why I’m not just a healer.”

Pan nodded, and finished off her drink. “Say- tell your brother that I forgive him, and that he shouldn't have to be afraid. After all…”

The smaller demon struck a silly pose. “I’m the clumsiest motherfucker around. He could just stick out his leg, I’d trip, and I’d die.”

Vine Staff laughed. “I’ll make sure he hears that, Pan.”

The smaller demon smiled, but chewed on her lip. “We got off on the wrong start- I was being kinda weird.” She held out her hand. “So why don’t we reintroduce ourselves, properly this time?”

Pan gave a crooked but friendly grin. “My name’s Frying Pan. I like drawing, petting dogs, and orange cream tea.”

Vinestaff took her smaller hand and shook it with her flesh-and-blood one. “I am Vine Staff. I like plants, helping others, and the color pink.”

The two shook hands, commemorating a new start.

[Shuriken] - Aftermath

It took some time for him to reappear on Thursdays, after his mess-up with Pan.

Honestly, it was so surprising that she just forgave him, just like that! If he was in her shoes, he’d hate whoever said that about his big sister! Just because he made up with the weird customer didn’t mean that he was completely fine with her, however.

”Shuriken! Get your stupid ass to the kitchen and help your sister look after the pastries!”

”Shut up!” He groaned. Now there were two people in his life complaining about him and telling him what to do. The only difference between Pan and his older sister’s nagging was that Pan called him all sorts of rude names.

”Don’t ‘shut up’ me, bitch boy! Vine Staff is practically freaking out back there!” Pan could smell the burnt chocolate cakes from where she was sitting. “The whole fucking cafe’s gonna burn down!”

”Don’t be overdramatic!” He rushes over to the kitchen and turns off the oven. “There! I did it!”

Pan rolls her eyes and gets back to typing. Shuriken elbows his sister, whining. “She called me a bitch boy! Vine! Beat her up!” He wouldn’t admit it, but it felt like he had two sisters at the moment.

Vinestaff only crosses her arms. “Don’t be a whiny baby, Shuri. And Pan!” Pan turns to look at her, blinking. “Don’t call my brother a bitch!”

” Fiiiine !”

Other times, Shuriken was reminded of how creepy the plump, short demon was. He could easily beat her up, seeing how she could barely run to their store without panting, but her strength or power wasn’t what scared him, no.

It was her random, unprompted comments on how he, his sister, and Slingshot could defeat people. She had some really brilliant and kind of brutal ideas- some of them were just batshit insane and impossible.

Pan saw him pull out his gear one time, and she’d tilted her head like a curious dog. “Can I see that?” She’d asked.

”Oh? Yeah, sure.” He sets it down on her table, and she squints at it.

”Are your shurikens, like, infinite? Does it just appear in your hand or something and disappear after it hits a demon?”

Shuriken looks at her weirdly. Didn’t all demons know how ranged weapons work? “Uhhh… yeah?”

“So they only disappear once they’ve been used up- what defines ‘used up’? Can you fill a pit full of your shurikens and shove someone down there to cut up their entire body?”

He reels back. “ What the fuck??? ” Shuriken was sure that it would be hellishly painful for any demon.

She continues. “Coat your shurikens with poison. Vine Staff can grow any plant, right? Ask her for deadly nightshade.”

” No! She doesn’t like growing those kinds of plants! And what kinda monster do you think I am?!” Pan at least looked apologetic.

”Right- she likes healing people.” She hums for a while, then looks to Vine Staff who’s busy serving another customer. “On an unrelated note, can she grow lemons and ghost peppers? Your shurikens…”

”PAN!!!”

[Vine Staff] - Aftermath

“… and that’s why I grow a lotus whenever I use my Phinisher.” Pan nodded, listening to Vine Staff carefully explain her power.

”So, is it like your favorite plant?” Pan twirls a pen in her hand. “Because sometimes you can be good at doing one thing but like something else- growing a lotus all the time must be tiring on the eyes.”

Vine Staff giggled. “Oh, not at all! I love lotuses! They’re amazing- they can be used for food, they’ve got my favorite color, and they’ve got some nice symbolism too.”

The taller female demon held out her wooden arm. “Purity, transformation… rebirth.” She thought about her own curse, about how she was running on limited time- but also how she was turning into a tree. A fitting end for someone so fond of nature, like her.

She hears Pan snort and cover it up with a cough. “What’s so funny?”

”Just… some irony. Reminds me of something.” The smaller demon stares outside at the setting sun. “I’m familiar with that flower. Did you know that they can be used for silk?”

Vine Staff blinks. “Really?” The shorter demon nods. “The fibers of the stems can be harvested and turned into the softest fabric you’ve ever felt. Mind you- it’s a difficult process and needs to be done by hand, making it extremely rare.”

She’s curious, looking at her own kimono and wondering if she could make something like it out of lotus silk. “Can I…?”

”A single scarf would take two months to harvest and make. And the thread’s more yellowish-gold than white, Vine Staff.”

The pink-horned demon looks at Pan expectantly. Pan simply shakes her head. “Nah- I can’t do it. Heard of it from my parents.” She gestures to her belly and pudgy claws. “Do I look like the kind of girl to have that kind of skill?”

Vine Staff smiles gently. “Aww, don’t sell yourself short, Pan. Besides, I never judge a book based on its cover- it's how I’m so good at Phights!”

Pan’s mouth quirked upwards. “Well, I’m honest. What you get is what you see.” She spreads her arms. “All fat, no muscle. Only good for hugs.”

The Phighter simply laughs and gives her new friend a half-hug.

The next week, they hang out again during Vine Staff’s break. Shuriken is the one doing the dishes for once, complaining all the while Slingshot supervises him.

Pan hums in confusion as Vine Staff taps her shoulder with her staff. “You never told me what your favorite flower is.”

Vine Staff sees Pan’s face become contemplative. “… depends. It’s hard to choose from two of them.”

”Then tell me both of them.” Vine Staff bites into her chocolate croissant, chewing daintily. “I’m curious.”

The shorter demon pauses, then sips her drink. “The first is lavender. Partly because of the smell and calming effect- but-“ Pan bites her lip. “My mom loved it.”

Vine Staff freezes up, carefully listening so that she didn’t upset her friend like her brother Shuriken did before. She had an inkling that Pan’s brother was gone, but she had a mother, too…? Demons sacrificing their gear for a child were rare- so either Pan had adoptive parents, or her biological ones got extra blessed with twins.

It must have hurt either way. Having her brother and her parents ripped away. (Not in the way Vine Staff would think, but in another equally painful way for Ollie.)

“I’m not going to get upset about that, Vine.” Pan waves her off. “I can handle telling you some information, no matter how sparse.”

The smaller demon straightened up, and her smile returned. “My other favorite is chrysanthemums-the orange and yellow ones that have a bunch of thin petals. They were planted all the time during Lunar New Year, and I loved going to the night market with my family to see them.”

Vine Staff perked up. “You celebrate koshōgatsu as well? Are you from Theives’ Den?” She could see Slingshot and her brother perk up, curious to learn more.

Pan simply shrugs. “I don’t know. Parents both moved to Crossroads before I was born, so maybe?”

Vine Staff grins. “Well, if you have the time next year- you’re always welcome to join us in celebration!”

Her friend nods, and in a now-familiar crooked, scruffy way, she grins.

Chapter Text

[Pan]

She decided to go to Slingshot’s cat cafe on a Wednesday, this time. Sure, she was fine with Vine Staff and her brother- Pan’ll visit on Thursday too. She just wanted twice the amount of caffeine this week.

The former human opened the door, and was surprised to see the two siblings in the cafe. “Wait- don’t you two have a Phight booked today?” She asks.

Shuriken snickered and Vine Staff rolled her eyes. “ Unfortunately , Dom and Valk both got sick. Something about the stomach flu and a sore throat- they posted the announcement on their Phacebook.”

Pan was once again flashbanged by the shittily-named Facebook equivalent in this world, and the fact that people still used it here. “Uh huh. And why are you two here, exactly?”

Shuriken piped up and tugged at his sister’s sleeve. “We’re inviting you over for tea! Since you apparently can’t make it without burning your house down.”

”It was one time! One time, Slingshot!” She yelled. Her first friend apparently told everyone he knew about the story- at least he left out her name. The siblings still figured out it was her.

”So- I’ll be driving you to Theives’ Den. Are you alright with that?” Vine Staff said.

Pan mulled it over. I’ve never ridden in a car that wasn’t driven by my parents or me. They aren’t the type of people to just kidnap me and sell my organs- so it’ll be fine. Pan knew them very well from their conversations, yes- but the fact that she had a wiki and the official artist’s tumblr blog from her world to back it up helped too.

Eh, invasion of privacy, much? Never knew I’d be one of those creepy stalker types. “Yeah, of course. Just don’t crash, Vine.” She chuckled.

Pan stood up from her seat and followed the two to the parking lot. Shuriken opened the door to a small, gray sedan, and she stepped in.

A bit of dirt and foliage littered the floor, with a few paper wrappers and Shuriken’s shurikens. It smelled like grass and dirt. “Nice interior decoration you got going on here.” She joked.

Vine Staff was embarrassed. “Sorry it’s so messy- Shuriken doesn’t clean up enough, and my plants-“

Pan chuckles and waves it off. “It’s not bad , Vine Staff. I like it.”

And with that, the three demons set off to Theives’ Den.

Holy shit. I’m actually here.

Pan stared in wonder at the rolling hills and dense mountains that surrounded the highway. It was like looking through her ecology textbook, but it was right in front of her .

She’d never actually visited any of the four regions, mainly because she didn’t have a car and was too lazy to walk for mile on end. Whatever the case may be, she vowed to save up for her own car.

Because Thieves’ Den was scenic. She didn’t know grasslands and cliffs could be this pretty until now! Flowers and trees sprawled across the center, while the smooth edges of the cliffs were lined with simple brick walls and rocks.

”Home sweet home.” Shuriken said, looking at the view. “You look like you’re seeing this for the first time, Pan.”

She blinks, and hums. “It’s… simply been a while.” Pan fiddles with her jacket, her eyes still glued to the car window.

”What? Why? The highways are right there in Crossroads.”

Fuck- I gotta make an excuse.

“My parents- they really disliked the inter-faction conflict.” Pan says hurriedly. “They hated it so much that me and my little brother kind of stayed in Crossroads for most of our life. I’ve only been here once or twice.”

Vine Staff frowns. “That’s such a shame! Why would your parents deny you of seeing your home faction?”

“It’s not my home, technically.” Pan shrugged. “I’ve seen so little of it, and most my life’s been spent in Crossroads… so Crossroads is my home.”

They pulled up and parked in a grassy clearing, right next to a small group of traditional Japanese-style houses. Pretty… I guess Theives’ Den being based on Japan and Asia is true, then.

The whole town was covered in decadent trees and blossoms, filling the air with a nature-like, heavenly smell. Some other demons saw the trio and waved, saying their hellos to Vine Staff.

”You’re pretty popular here, Vine.” Vine Staff smiled and nodded. ”I volunteer a lot with upkeeping the flowers and trees. Everyone likes a good landscape.

Shuriken hopped over to a rather rustic house, with a sloped red roof that nestled under a cherry blossom tree. There was a tall fence around the back yard, a small rocky stream and shrubs everywhere.

Huh, nice house. Thought there’d be more flowers, since Vine Staff lives here-

Shuriken knocked on the door, Vine Staff next to him. Pan stood behind the two, confused.

”Why would you knock on your own door?”

Vine Staff giggled. “It’s not our door, silly! Katana! We’re here, and we have a visitor!”

Pan froze and began screaming internally.

Fucking KATANA?!?!

[Katana]

Katana wasn’t sure what to think of Slingshot and the sibling’s new friend.

According to Slingshot, she was shy and clumsy, to the point where she burned her house down for tea. She was the one who’d asked about the orange cream tea. He’d spoken positively of her.

On the other hand, Shuriken had confided in him that he didn’t like their new customer. She was shady, reclusive, and stared at them constantly. It changed about three weeks ago, when the young demon went to his house late at night.

Shuriken’s face was full of guilt, and he’d asked how he should apologize to someone if he mistakenly thought they were an enemy. Katana had sat down and offered him tea, then consoled him.

”Misunderstandings happen often in the line of communication. The best course of action is to express your apologies, and find common ground with them,” he’d said.

Shuriken thanked him, and went back to his own house. The next week, he saw Shuriken much more relaxed, although irritated as his older sister told him to do the dishes.

So when he’d heard the knock on the door, he decided to give the stranger a chance, and opened it.

”Greetings, Katana.” Vine Staff bowed, and Shuriken nodded. “Heya, old man!” Behind the two was the stranger he’d been hearing so much about.

What caught him off guard was how small she was. He’d stood next to Valk during some of the Phights, and the winged demon was about over a foot smaller than him.

This demon was tiny , around 2 feet shorter and with a youthful, plump face. She had grey markings on her cheeks and throat, horizontal-swooping horns, and glasses that only made her look more awkward.

“And who may this be?” He asked. The small demon let out a fitting squeak of fear.

Vine Staff patted her shoulder and nudged her forward. “This is Frying Pan. Frying Pan, meet Katana.”

Frying Pan seemed to shrink back even more, staring at his mask and large horns.

”… A.” She couldn’t even muster out a word, curling into her jacket like a dog curling around its own fur.

The three demons entered Katana’s humble abode, taking off their shoes. He saw Frying Pan nervously slip off her own sneakers, stepping on the heel and putting them to the side.

”Oh wow,” Shuriken whispered. “She already knew to do that.”

Vine Staff nodded, humming. “Good to know some demons had manners. I remember Boombox visiting with Slingshot once- he didn’t even bother taking his shoes off! Right when we just polished the floor!”

The older demon let out a low chuckle at that.

Katana and the others went to sit down at the ima , on the more familiar couches used to seat guests. Frying Pan immediately chose the spot closest to the exit, shrinking into the cushions while she stared at Katana.

… Now I see why Shuriken found her unsettling initially. The small demon’s gaze was intense and slightly uncanny, like a deer about to sprint from a hunter. But with Katana’s experience, he could see the sheer terror that it held.

A coward. But that is expected from a young civilian.

While Shuriken and Vine Staff made the tea, he sat in the opposite couch, making sure to place his gear on the side to reassure the guest. “You don’t have to worry, little one. I am not as terrifying as my appearance suggests.”

The plump demon didn’t seem reassured by that at all, only staring. There were some attempts to talk, her mouth parting a bit- but it only let out air as she failed to find the courage for words.

A few minutes later, Shuriken returned with the hot tea. Vine Staff smiled. “I know you like green tea, Pan- so I made you some to calm down.”

Frying Pan only nodded, gently taking the hot cup and blowing on it. She didn’t drink- just stared at Katana with those wide eyes.

Shuriken complained. “She’s doing that weird thing again. Sis, please-“

Vine Staff shushed her little brother. “Shuriken. You know how she is around new people. And Katana isn’t the most friendly-looking of demons.”

She was right- all the scars and nicks on his muscled chest were proudly displayed with his open haori. He did it to discourage any other demon from attacking him- after all, it was wise to beware an old demon in a world where demons usually die young.

There was silence for a few more moments, only broken by Shuriken sipping his tea. Vine Staff sighed. “Pan- if you’re not going to drink your tea, at least talk to Katana.”

Oh? Frying Pan blinked, and trembled a bit. Katana waited, expecting to hear her say he was scary, or that she wanted to be somewhere else. The old demon could see her take a deep breath in, muster her courage, and-

“You’ve got nice tits.”

… Well. He didn’t expect that.

[Pan]

WHY DID I FUCKING SAY THAT.

Pan froze up again as Vine Staff gaped and Shuriken spat out his tea in shock. I didn’t mean it like that!

“I-I didn’t mean it in a weird way! I mean, like, I wish I had those tits?” Shuriken was choking even harder now, so much so that his older sister had to whack his back.

WHY am I making this WORSE for myself?!

She could see Katana not move an inch, being completely quiet. I fucked up. I fucked up BIG time.

Pan braced herself for the inevitable scolding, or worse, anger.

Instead, she could hear a soft chuckle. The low sound turned into a laugh, slightly parched but with a rich baritone that came from age.

”I am flattered you find my appearance appealing, little one.” He laughs some more. “I- oh my. I have not laughed like this in a while.”

Pan calmed down slightly. Only slightly- this was one of the more powerful and experienced Phighters, after all. She remembered the countless times she faced a Katana main in a match and was absolutely shredded to pieces

Oh, the non-existent humanity… She bit her lip and sipped on the hot green tea, disliking the temperature but sucking it up as to not accidentally offend the three demons.

”I- I am so sorry about that, when I get nervous I ramble and when I ramble it all just comes spilling out and-“

Katana nods, and cuts her off with as gentle of a tone as he could muster. “No need to apologize- Slingshot was similarly afraid when he first met me. There is no harm done in some well-placed fear.”

The small demon nodded, and Shuriken was still wheezing away in the background. “S-she said you had nice tits! O-oh, oh SFOTH, that’s hilarious!”

Vine Staff couldn’t help but join in on the laughter.

[Katana]

Katana must say, Frying Pan was a delight to talk to, even if she was constantly nervous around him.

She chatted endlessly about things when she was nervous, and he felt that she was no threat. Just… a bit odd, like Shuriken and his sister said.

The two siblings were lounging around in the couch, finished with their tea and just watching their new friend and the chaos unfold.

”And so when I got my first friend, I completely acted like a dork. She didn’t even do anything for me- her mom was the one driving me!” Frying Pan was just talking about herself now, as vague as she was being about her past. It was a nice change of pace from before, where she just rambled on about how cool his clothes were.

He had a feeling that she didn’t only do that to save her hide. The little demon had a genuine enthusiasm for seeing new things, only possible for someone who hasn’t seen combat yet. In fact, he was a little curious.

“You’ve never really fought before, have you?” Katana asked.

Frying Pan paused, and that familiar nervousness returned.

”… What’s it to you?” She looked ready to bolt again. “No. I- I haven’t.”

He hums. A demon her age (what was even her age, then?) not having fought a single time was unheard of. Demons were naturally drawn to conflict, after all - it was why the Phights were so popular.

”Not even once?” Frying Pan slinked behind Vine Staff with an uneasy expression, hiding behind her.

Even Shuriken seems suprise at that. “What? No way! You’ve definitely been in some sorta fight before!”

Frying Pan grumbled softly. “No. Never was good at fighting, so I just- avoided anything that looked risky.”

Katana could see that. Her figure was plump and healthy, but weak in how there was little muscle. She seemed more like a shut-in scholar than a warrior.

”Then you should not fear. I do not fight those who cannot fight back.” He lowers his horns by lowering his head. Frying Pan does the same, but it makes her own horns raise up in a more defensive position. It suited her.

It came time for the three to leave Katana’s house, the sky outside turning orange from the sunset. Vine Staff cleaned up the cups while Shuriken circled around her, bored.

”Vine Staff- are you sure your brother can drive?” Frying Pan looks at Shuriken with some hesitation. Vine Staff gives a small smile.

“Pan… he’s fine . Just because he’s younger than me doesn’t mean he’s any worse at driving.”

The smaller demon throws her hands up. “My own brother didn’t get his license at all- hell, he didn’t even drive last time I-“ Pan cuts her self off. “The point is, forgive me if I’m skeptical.”

Katana sees Vine Staff’s smile turn a bit downward, but still persist.

”Alright. I’ll drive, then. Shuri!” Shuriken’s head turns to his sister. “You help Katana clean up.”

”On it!” The older demon watched the two leave his house, and was left with the younger male demon to help him clean the cups and teapot.

[Katana] - Aftermath

Despite the little demon’s fear of him, Katana began to see her around his house more, albeit still rarely. Pan always came when Shuriken and Vinestaff didn’t have Phights booked on Wednesdays.

There were many things he noticed about her. How she talked to Shuriken like he was a brother and how she was good friends with Vine Staff, despite their differences. How Frying Pan seemed to fit right in with Theives’ Den despite not living there her entire life.

But what was most apparent was her love of sharing . She shared jokes, meals, information- anything she could, so that the demons around her would talk on and on in a friendly manner.

One time, he’d come back home from one of his many trips to fight corruption to be met with the familiar gifts on his doorstep. Slingshot, Shuriken, and Vine Staff had given him flowers and knives and trinkets. He’d always accept their gifts. But today, there were two new things- a messily-sewn frog plush, and a small red notebook.

Katana picked up the frog plush. It was misshapen, dumpy… and it was smaller than the palm of his hand. But it was rather cute. The notebook was filled with handwritten notes on cold tea recipes, all neatly organized. The handwriting was small, neat, and slanted a bit.

Clearly, this was a gift from Frying Pan. He’d expected a cookbook or some food because of her gear, but he supposed that he shouldn't make assumptions on what demons were like based on their gear.

It was unexpected that someone so scared of him would give gifts to him. I suppose the little one’s kindness outweighs her cowardice, after all…

It was another time when he saw Frying Pan again, trailing behind Slingshot, Shuriken and Vine Staff. On a weekend, no less.

”Actually, why don’t you visit on weekends, Pan?” The smaller demon shrugged at Slingshot’s question. “BOGGIO Skate Shop stays open on weekends, and I work every day except for Wednesdays and Thursdays. I just asked to use this month’s sick day, since it’s the end of the month.”

The four demons entered his house and made themselves comfortable. Frying Pan had that same tenseness in her shoulders, but was sticking close to her friends to calm down.

Shuriken crossed his arms. “Hey- why don’t you cook for us, Pan? Your gear’s literally a frying pan.”

”Because I’m either shit or mediocre at it.” The plump demon groans. “I don’t know why I’m this bad!”

Slingshot sighed and pulled Shuriken back a bit from the couch. “Shuri, don’t make fun of her.”

”But her gear’s meant for cooking? How can she not cook well?!” Shuriken asks, astounded.

Katana turned his attention to Frying Pan, looking at her closer. Demons should be instinctively able to use their gear- they were born with it. So either she was lying about her cooking skill, or the frying pan wasn’t her real gear.

He’d been with Lost Temple for ages before defecting, so he knew how to spot a gear launderer when he saw one. Frying Pan was not that sort of demon- she might be hiding her real gear and identity though, seeing how it would be in-character for a coward like her.

Katana decided to drop the subject for now, and investigate after.

”Look- at least I’m not the worst chef out there! I can tell you horror stories about how some people cooked fried rice!” She spread her arms in exaggeration.

Vine Staff looked sympathetic. “Oh, I’m sure it can’t be that bad-“

”I saw a woman wash her rice… after she cooked it!”

”…”

Every demon that was part of Theives’ Den felt a chill roll down their spine, as if the gods themselves were reciting unforgivable sins.

”What.” Even Katana was slightly shaken up at the sheer idea of such a culinary abomination happening. Pan just continued on with the unwitting verbal torture.

”And she fucking drained it with a colander! A fucking colander!!!” She wailed, clearly irritated at the memory. Vine Staff visibly recoiled while her little brother begged for mercy.

”N-no! NO!” Shuriken grabbed his own horns out of stress. “You use the fucking pot! Just-“ He makes a gesture with his hands. “Put your hand to stop the rice, then- pour! Not a fucking colander! ”

Katana sees Frying Pan clasp her hands in prayer, sniffing in disdain and grief. He loathed to hear what this mystery demon did next that made her so distressed.

”She used metal on a non-stick pan. ” Katana visibly jumped back in shock, while Slingshot dropped the tea in his hands, which were shaking.

” NO! ”

Chapter Text

[Pan]

Fucking finally! I’ve finished filtering out the content!

It’s Tuesday evening, right after her shift at BOGGIO Skate Shop. Pan clicked and dragged the video file towards her USB folder, and unplugged it. It was the hundred and tenth youtube video she’d screened over the month.

Checking over a hundred Youtube videos doesn’t sound that impressive, but it did when she also went over one hundred e-books and online science articles, uploading them all into the USB drives.

And that’s not counting the clunky-ass 2015 computers, as well! Despite the Phighting universe having literal robot soldiers in the form of Biografts, the tech was fucking wonky. Every computer, phone and device was like it was pulled straight out of 2015.

I would be celebrating more if it weren’t for the ATROCIOUS upload speeds… I forgot how shit 2015 internet was compared to 2024.

Pan took her backpack and opened the back pocket, hidden from view. In there was a bucketload of USBs, both used and unused- she’d gotten really weird looks from the cashier when she did that.

Thank god for the universal constant of USB cables… She thought. Now, time for the actual accounts.

Pan went to pack up her things, and headed off to the nearest Internet cafe she could find in Crossroads. After all, she couldn’t let the files get traced back to the source- if anybody found out the truth about them.

A few hours later, a Tumblr (because she refused to call it Tubular , for fuck’s sake) and Youtube account were made, with the username Isekai Archive.

[Youtube Channel]

Hkmori - everybody can find love (except you.)

3,000 views - March 4, 201X [Genre: breakcore Creator: hkmori…]

1,230 △ Likes   60 ▽ Dislikes    ➦ Share    ✂ Clip    ☰+ Save   ...

💾 Isekai Archive

20 Subscribers

302 Comments     ☰ SORT BY

📻 XxMusicMasterxX

Man this song is so cool! I really like how choppy it sounds- it could be it’s own genre!

💾 Isekai Archive

Sorry, I didn’t make this. The Isekai Archive Youtube account is committed to recording and documenting music, videos and audiobooks that don’t exist!

📻 XxMusicMasterxX

Huh??? What do you mean it doesn't exist its right here

💎 pro_gamerman01

420 views lol

🌃 DarklordNight

Man you didn’t have to call me out with the title :(

💾 Isekai Archive

It’s the name of the song, I didn’t name it

⛩️thieves4everr

Yo why is the cover weirdly blacked out on the demon’s face???

💾 Isekai Archive

For aesthetic (and lore)

⛩️ thieves4everr

Lore??? Is this an ARG???

[Tumblr Post]

[Slingshot]

It was a Tuesday- so his roommates wouldn’t be helping at the cat cafe tomorrow, busy booked for a Phight. At least he had his best customer to help liven things up.

He hummed as he manned the cashier, looking at Shuriken and Vine Staff serving the customers their coffee and food. He really had to thank Pan for giving him the idea to serve orange cream tea- at least a third of the demons he knew were regulars were having it as their go-to drink.

The bell to his shop rang, and Slingshot answered with his usual cheery customer-service voice.

”Hey, welcome to Slingshot’s Cat Cafe- how may I take your order?”

”Slingshot, bruuuh!” Slingshot perked up as he heard a familiar voice, along with the sound of music fading in closer.

”Boombox! Buddy!” He jumped up from the counter and hugged him. “It’s good to see you around!”

”No problem, dude… I just had like the craziest day today.” Boombox hoisted his namesake onto his shoulder. “Take a listen to this banger I found on Youtube!”

Slingshot had to talk his best friend down from blaring the music all over his cafe. “Woah, Boombox. You can’t just do that here- the other customers might get upset and I can’t risk having a fight break out in my cafe!”

Boombox reluctantly lowered his gear. “Awww man, not cool bruh.”

Slingshot gave an apologetic smile. “Hey- how about you and I hang out on the weekends, then? You can show the song to me then.”

Boombox shook his head. “No can do, dude. I booked a Phight Saturday, and Sunday’s when I hang out with Skateboard to train.”

The cat-horned demon hummed, contemplating the solution. “I know- you can hang out while I work on Wednesday. There’s not a lot of customers that day- and only one person usually comes that day.”

Boombox’s visor perked up. “You mean that chick you’ve been talking about? The one who acts all skittish?”

”Haha, yeah. Her name’s Frying Pan, by the way- she’s the second-chillest person I know.” Slingshot explains.

”Who’s the first-chillest?” Boombox questioned, tilting his head.

Slingshot laughs with his friend. “You, silly!”

[Vine Staff]

Not a lot of people in Theives’ Den used technology- most of the demons there were usually rural dwellers, nomads, or old. She and Shuriken only knew a few more demons their age that had phones and access to the internet.

Currently, she was tending to the plants inside her house, making sure to pick up dead leaves and spray them with the right amount of water. Her brother was in his own room, probably goofing off-

“Hey! Vine!” Vine Staff jumped up with a gasp. “Shuri! Don’t surprise me like that again!”

Shuriken laughed, and pulled out his phone. “Haha! Oh, I just wanted to ask you something.” He pulled out his phone, scrolling on his Tubular blog. “There’s this really funny blog that keeps on posting memes- but it’s roleplaying or something.”

Vine Staff blinks as she reads the post- something about a picture of a black hole? The blog was called “Isekai Archive”. It seemed to be a joke, but the science article that was cited looked too real. All the scientists had odd names and the end of the article was redacted.

”And? What do you mean, roleplaying?” She tilts her head. “I thought you said you, and I quote, ‘weren’t into that cringe shit’.”

”But Viiiine !” He whines. “It’s like this cool puzzle thing where they’re making a story through really cryptic, creepy stuff- something about another world!”

Vine Staff blinks, and her brother continues gushing. “Katana says ‘isekai’ was a really old genre during the war where demons would write about traveling to other worlds- something about ‘e-scapism’? I dunno, but the other world thing sounds cool!”

The pink-horned demon sighed, and gave her brother a smile. “Oh, alright- I guess it’s cool. But don’t think it’s real, alright? It’s probably just one of those online pranks.”

[Pan] - Aftermath

Her horns are flaking. She’s freaking out, picking at the keratin (?) pieces and fiddling with them. It feels fucking horrible, like she’s got lice but it’s in her bones.

”Fuck, fuck, fuck, shit-“ Pan takes out a wet cloth and rubs at the horn. There’s a bit of blood on it as she pulls off in horror. “ Fuck! ”

She doesn’t know jack-shit about caring for horns- she saw some articles online but so many demons were arguing with them that it was impossible to know what was misinformation or not. It was like asking mom if dying her hair was okay or not- mom said it damaged her hair, the internet said it was fine under some circumstances, dad said it was perfectly healthy: nothing made sense!

Should she let this continue? Asking about horn care would be suspicious because demons didn’t just ask about something they had their entire lives.

But it was so itchy and bleeding and-

Pan bites her lip, and decides to call Vine Staff on her off day.

The phone rings for a bit, and then Vine Staff answers. “Hello? Pan?”

”Hey- Vine Staff?” Pan nervously squeezes her pillow, sitting on her bed. “Are you free, after the Phight?”

”Yeah, sure!” Vine Staff didn’t sound mad- far from it. “What’s the reason?”

The former human pressed the wet towel to the small bloody patch on her flaking horns. “I need some help with my horns. They’re- I- I don’t know what to do.”

”Hey- Pan.” Vine Staff’s voice was firm but calming. “Don’t freak out. We all have bad horn days- just text me where your house is and I’ll tell Shuriken to drive me over once we finish this match, okay?”

”… Okay. Thanks, Vine.”

Before Vine Staff arrived at her Crossroads apartment, Pan knew that she trusted her over the other Theives’ Den members she knew. It’s why she even gave her the address in the first place.

Why, exactly, was she doing this even when two months ago, she swore never to let any Phighter knew where she lived? Well, it was because Pan was hypocritical, rash, but most of all… lonely.

Her horns were only half the problem. She didn’t know how humans functioned differently from demons, but… from what she saw, demons could be less social than humans, form smaller groups and interact less if things were dire. Their aggression also played into this.

But for a human shoved into a demon’s body? She didn’t just crave social interaction- she needed it. Humans bonded with everything, from other humans to animals to even machines if they were desperate enough.

Pan’s lonely contemplative thoughts were interrupted by a knock at her apartment door. She took in a deep breath.

”Come on- be brave. You’ve got to be brave.” She turns the knob.

”Heya.”

[Vine Staff]

Vine Staff didn’t expect Pan’s apartment to be so… ordered .

Sure, it was definitely messy and filled to the brim with random stuff- but everything had it’s place. The books were haphazardly shoved in the shelf, and the sewing supplies and notebooks were shoved in the corner of the desk.

“Sorry- it’s a mess.” Pan sat down on the small twin-sized bed that would have been tiny to Katana but perfectly sized for the petite demon. “I don’t have visitors here often.”

”I can tell.” Vine Staff comments. “So- what is it with your horns that you need help with?”

Pan lifts the wet towel wrapping her swooping horns, and Vine Staff visibly winces. “What in the absolute SFOTH are you doing with them?! Do you use horn polish and oils once a month?!”

Vine Staff gapes as Pan’s eyes widened in confusion and shock. “What the fuck? I have to- where do I even get that?!”

”At almost any convenience or beauty store!” Vine Staff hurriedly rummages around in her own bag, pulling out some alcohol wipes, horn polish and nutrient oils.

Her friend tilts her horns upward so that she can wipe the blood and thin part with antiseptic, then pat it dry with some powder from her bag as well. “How long have you been going without horn supplies and cleaning?”

Frying Pan chews her lip, looking down. “… two months. A week before I met Slingshot, and- right after I lost my family.”

Vine Staff goes silent, slowing down as she puts the antiseptic and powder away.

”… Your grief is no excuse to not practice proper horn care. It could have been infected if you kept on going like that.” Vine Staff taps her shoulder. “Pan. Tilt your head a bit down more.”

Pan complies without any whining. Her friend’s terrible horn care habits reminded her of her own brother, but Pan was much more quiet and subdued. Demons usually instinctively headbutted or bucked when their horns were in this position- Pan was very well-mannered compared to every other demon she’s seen have their horns waxed by others.

“You need oil to grow and nourish the keratin covering, and polish to seal the oil up.” Her fingers massaged the nutrient oils into Pan’s horns.

Now that she was up close to her, Vine Staff could see that they were a dark brown instead of a black like she’d expected. They were slowly chipping away in flakes- typical for long-horn demons that haven’t taken care of themselves.

”What have you been even using to wash them, Pan?” She shrugged. “Same shampoo I use for my body.”

Vine Staff looked offended as she heard that, picking up a clean cloth and pouring a bit of polish on it. She buffed Pan’s horns with the cloth, making sure not to push any flakes off. “Commercial soaps are not enough to clean your horns, Pan- they wash off the necessary nutrients and oils needed to keep them healthy.”

”Geez, geez- fine!” Pan groaned. “Thank you.” Vine Staff finished up her job, putting the bottles away.

The short demon gave Vine Staff a grateful nod of her head, but looked up in curiosity. “How’d you do it so well, though?”

Vine Staff rubs her own horns proudly. “My horns are complex- they need especially good care. And my brother keeps on forgetting.”

Chapter Text

[Boombox]

Like, this is totally epic. Boombox stands in front of Slingshot’s cafe, waiting for it to open. He’s gonna be so cool with his maid dress and be like “Welcome to my cat cafe! Cat-fe!” Hehe.

He checks his boombox, and spins the CD disk on his finger like a top. Boombox’s gear, being as cool as it was, could accept almost every sort of input: cassette tapes, CD’s, USB plugs, even Bluetooth!

Boombox looks up as he hears the sound of jogging and some heavy breathing. There’s a rather short, messy-looking demon running to the cafe, and she stops right in front of the door when she sees him.

”Oh, shit- you’re Boombox?” Her voice is curious, and she straightened up a bit. Even with that, she was shorter than him- and that’s saying something, seeing that he’s the shortest Phighter.

”The one and only!” He strikes a pose. “Do you want an autograph or something, dudette?”

She laughs, and gives a friendly wave. “Oh, no need- im just here because Slingshot said something about-“

The door jingled as Slingshot opened it up for the day, his smile growing. “Oh! Hey, Boombox! Heya, Pan!”

The short demon- apparently she was the customer that Slingshot told him about- gives a friendly nod and smiles back. “Good to see you too, Slingshot. Was Boombox supposed to be here?”

”I actually invited him over today to meet you! He was busy on Saturday and Sunday, so I told him to hang out today instead…”

Pan nods, and gives a thumbs up. “No problem- I’ll be at my spot and order the usual.”

”So, orange cream tea?” Slingshot asks, chuckling. The short demon nods, and Boombox sees her slink away to a corner table in Slingshot’s cafe.

He goes to take a seat next to her, but Slingshot makes a small gesture. “Careful- last time I tried to approach, she got all nervous. It’ll take some time for her to warm up.”

”Oh- it’s fine.” Pan shifts in her seat, skittish but determined. “I should try and not be a complete pussy for once. If I met Katana, then Boombox should be a walk in the park.”

Boombox saw his friend raise an eyebrow. “The first time you saw the geezer you freaked out and said you liked his tits.”

He laughs heartily at this, not believing Slingshot’s words. “Woah! She said that?! Really?!”

”Yeah! It was hilarious.” Pan was mortified as the two of them laughed at her misfortune.

Pan didn’t seem like a shy demon to Boombox at all- she was just as chatty as him!

She had a laptop that didn’t show anything but a black screen that she kept on typing away at. When he asked what was going on with it, she shrugged. “I can see the screen just fine.”

”Like, is it your gear, bruh?” He asked, tilting his head. “I thought your name was Pan?”

The shorter demon made a scrunched-up face. “It’s… not my gear? I have my frying pan in my backpack.” She pulled out a hefty cast-iron pan. “ This is my gear.”

Boombox sees Slingshot stare at her gear, and he shrugs. “Doesn’t look like much.”

She huffs, a bit put out. “I know, geez. What about yours? I’ve seen you use it in Phights, but… does it have more uses than just sound-based attacks?”

His visor blinks. “Eh? What’cha mean?”

She pulls out a notebook and begins drawing. “Like- your Phinisher makes a shockwave because you hold your gear when you slam to the ground. Why not- you know-”

Pan makes a swinging motion, like she’s carrying something heavy. “Swing it sideways and into your opponents? It can do both physical damage and sound damage.”

Boombox’s mouth opened up in an ‘oh’ shape. “I didn’t think of that! That’s a really cool idea!”

Pan hummed, and muttered as she doodled in her notebook. “Hmmm… but your gear might break if you hit something strong- have you considered making a case for your boombox, or modifying it in some way?”

Boombox laughs. “It’s my gear, dude! It isn’t gonna break that easily!” Pan hums, and notes it down.

[Slingshot]

He wouldn’t admit it, but he was getting kind of jealous than Pan was spending so much time with Boombox. He was his friend, dang it!

The cat-horned demon huffed as he heard them chat on and on in a friendly manner. Why was Pan so friendly which Boombox immediately? She’d been terrified to meet his roommates and Katana, even himself- why Boombox?

Slingshot crossed his arms and continued sitting down at the cashier counter, trying not to get upset.

It takes three hours for him to give up and act bratty towards the two.

” Boombox- you said you wanted to show me something, right?” Boombox perks up, and pulls out a CD to put in his gear.

”Yeah! I managed to burn some tunes into more CDs- don’t tell Ban Hammer, but I downloaded a lot of copyrighted stuff on Youtube.” He giggles.

Slingshot watches as his friend puts his gear on the table and presses ‘play’, the music starting at a loud volume but Boombox lowering it so it wasn’t as loud as it was in battle.

”What’cha think? I found this really cool drum beat, and I know you like old-school hip hop, so…”

Slingshot gives a grin and a thumbs up. “Really nice, dude!”

Of course Pan had to butt in later. She listened to the tune, and when it stopped, she gave a nod and got back to taking Boombox’s attention.

”Hey, that was pretty good! Anyways- do you know about breakcore?” Boombox tilted his head, curious, and Slingshot groaned internally from frustration. I’m supposed to be the interesting guy here! Not her!

Pan pulled out her own phone and pulled up a Youtube channel- something-Archive. He didn’t pay attention to the name. “Here, lemme play it on my phone.”

What followed was the most fast-paced, erratic and messy drum beats that Slingshot had ever heard- and somehow, it worked . Just listening to the audio made feel like he could charge with his small horns into a brick wall and come out on top.

”… Woah. That’s gnarly, dude.” Boombox said, similarly impressed.

Pan and his best friend talk for a bit more, clearly interested in the new genre of music, and he-

“Guys!” Slingshot groaned, nearly yelling. “Pan- can you please stop? I’m trying to- you-“ He pinched the bridge of his face, calming down from his irritation.

The smaller demon stops talking, and she turns to Slingshot with an apologetic look. “Slingshot- are you alright?”

”I’m fine and dandy! Just- a bit annoyed for some reason.”

Pan turns to Slingshot with her full attention, her tone understanding and soft as she could make it (which wasn’t a lot, but it was the thought that counts). “Compartmentalize your thoughts. Break them up- and tell me how you feel. Okay?”

Slingshot nods, and breathes for a while before responding. “I… feel annoyed. You’re spending too much time with Boombox, and- I invited him over today to talk with me. Not you.”

Pan lets out an ‘oh’ and scoots away a bit. She bows her head in apology, surprising Slingshot. “I’m really sorry- I should have noticed.”

”Wait- what? No, it’s a silly thing for me to get angry over, and you shouldn’t be apologizing.” Slingshot says, her apology stunning him out of his irritation.

Pan holds up her hand, but nods in agreement. “I’m not very good at reading emotions or all that context stuff,” She explains. “So- of I’m doing something wrong, just be blunt and tell me, Slingshot.”

The cat-horned demon sighed. “That’s- not the point I had about you apologizing. But- I’ll keep that in mind and be more direct in the future.”

Boombox looks at the scene awkwardly, and Pan just gives him a shrug and nudges her shoulder towards Slingshot, as if to say ‘go ahead, talk to him’.

[Pan]

The rest of the day was spent working on her Archive project instead, since she left Slingshot and Boombox to enjoy talking.

Stupid old me… I should have noticed Slingshot was getting impatient. She cursed her own social ineptitude- Pan only had a few friends as Ollie, after all, and even then she couldn’t pick up social cues.

She hummed, checking out her Youtube and Tumblr. Looks like most of her stuff was written off as a really cool ARG, which was exactly what she wanted.

Pan wanted them to enjoy the cool music and art she had, learn culture from her old world, without the danger of them actually meeting her race. She didn’t expect (well, she kind of did) to admit that the demons were more reasonable than humans.

I mean, Blackrock was shit but it’s fucking child’s play compared to the old USSR! Pan thought. Researching the regions from the Internet cafe helped her understand the cultures a bit more- but stuff was always so mixed and vague from the countless demons with different experiences and biases of their own faction.

The hours passed by quickly, with her working on the next batch of files. She wanted to release the stuff in large chunks, slowly work up to introducing humans.

Should I find an anatomy video for humans first to introduce them as an “original species”, or should I get to posting Bill Wurtz’s “history of the entire world, i guess”?

”Hey, Pan.” She jumped up a bit in shock at Slingshot’s voice, then smoothed her jacket out. “Huh?”

Slingshot gestures to the clock, and Pan noticed that it was ten minutes until closing time. “Oh! Right. Sorry.” She began slowly packing up.

”Just- I want to apologize.” She looks at Slingshot in confusion. “I was a douche to snap at you about Boombox. You didn’t realize that I called him over today to talk- I even said I wanted to introduce you to him!”

He groans in embarrassment. “I made it sound like I wanted you to talk to him first- gods, I’m sorry.”

Pan chuckled a bit, sheepish. “It’s okay. I was a bit more open to him than I was to you and every other demon… no wonder you got a bit jealous.”

”Yeah. Again, sorry- but why were you more chatty than usual, anyways?” Slingshot asked, genuinely curious as to why Pan wasn’t skittish around Boombox.

She blinked. “Because I know for sure he hasn’t killed anyone before?”

Slingshot made a completely baffled face. “Wha- and I didn’t??? I can understand why you think Shuriken and Katana killed people before- but me and Vine Staff? ”

Pan whines a bit, embarrassed. “Looks can be deceiving! I was just kinda unsure… and he’s familiar.”

She has a nostalgic look on her face, and Slingshot is familiar with it. “He reminds me of- where I came from. Where my family came from.”

And Pan was right. Boombox was so close to the stereotypical beach-dude she always found in California, breakdancing for money. It was nice to have that sense of familiarity around.

”… oh. Okay.” Slingshot leaves that topic alone, and Pan is glad she doesn’t have to explain herself.

”It’s perfectly fine, Slingshot. See you next week!” She picks up her backpack, and walks out of the cafe.

[Boombox] - Aftermath

He’d gotten the chance to talk to Frying Pan after that mishap. Slingshot apologized profusely to him, but he’d just laughed and clapped him on the back.

”No need to worry dude, we all get jealous sometimes!”

Slingshot huffed, a smile on his face. “You’re way too chill, man…”

Pan was at her usual seat in the corner, and waved at Boombox. “Heya, Boombox! You doing good today?”

”Never been better, dudette!” He winked. Pan was staring at his visor, and tilted her head.

”Not to be rude or anything, but…” She points at her own face, towards her glasses. “What’s with the visor?”

Boombox makes a ‘so-so’ gesture. “It looks cool! And I got eye problems, so, yeah!”

Pan opens her mouth, and gasps. “Yo! You too?!” She takes off her glasses, and Boombox can see that her (Brown? Black?) eyes are slightly hazy. “Lemme guess- extreme nearsightedness and light sensitivity?”

Slingshot stares at her, not expecting that she had similar problems to Boombox. Now that Boombox sees her glasses, he realizes they have really thick lenses- they were tinted prescription glasses, not fancy sunglasses like he assumed.

”Yoooo! Same! But for me it’s just blurry vision in general. Can’t see letters if they’re right in front of me or far away without these bad boys.” He taps his visor. “Wanna see me take them off?”

She blinks, and chuckles. “Are you comfortable with taking them off? I mean…”

Slingshot shrugs. “Nah, I’ve seen him without it before. It ain’t too big of a problem for him.”

Boombox slips his visor off, and his vision gets really blurry. He can only slightly make out Pan gaping in surprise at his pale-green eyes. “Cool, isn’t it? The tech stuff inside can copy my eyes so I express myself better.”

She nods. “Really cool, Boombox.”

=

That was so freaking AWESOME!

Later, Boombox had that Phight he’d booked on Saturday. He’d tried out Frying Pan’s suggestion and sent Skateboard flying off his board from the heavy hit.

His other friend was on the opposite team, but Skateboard still took the loss well. His friend even asked him how he learned to do such a thing.

”Boombox! That was epic , man! You were like- wha-pow! And knocked everyone off!” The skater demon butted his head playfully towards Boombox.

Boombox laughs in return. “I thought you were the one losing that match, Skate?”

”Well, yeah- but it was so cool seeing you do that!”

The two chatted as they hung out at BOGGIO Skate Park after the annihilation match. Boombox himself was sitting on one of the ledges, swinging his feet.

”Damn- how are you so good with your gear and normal skateboards, dude? You’re crazy talented!” Skateboard snickers in response.

”I’m just that good!” He does a kick flip and slowly stops where Boombox is. “Anyways- I’m thinking of adding another deck to my collection.”

”Again? Don’t you already have enough on your walls at home?” Boombox asks. And he was right- Skateboard collected customized decks and wheels like a maniac. His house’s walls were covered in racks and art.

Skateboard huffed. “There’s no such thing as ‘too much’ decks, Boombox! I’m going to the skate shop in Crossroads Tuesday- wanna join?”

”Sure, man- whatever you say.”

Chapter Text

[Pan]

Thank god they treat minimum-wage workers well .

Pan was currently at her Tuesday shift of BOGGIO Skate Shop, enjoying the free time she had after making the delivery. Turns out, Crossroads has great working conditions- even for minimum-wage jobs like this!

Thank god for this- I don’t think I would have this opportunity back home…

There’s a slight shout at the counter from her co-worker 8-Bit, and he jumps up to rush to her in the storage room. “Yo! You gotta see this- Skateboard and Boombox are here!”

Unsurprisingly, he was a fan of the Phighters from Playground. Pan blinks for a moment and lets out a ‘huh’. Almost forgot they were celebrities for a moment…

Pan found it odd that she went from being a nobody in her life to knowing famous people in the next. That’s isekai to you…

The door opens, and Boombox strolls in with Skateboard. His visor widens as he sees Pan.

”Yoooo! Frying Pan!” 8-Bit gaped at her as she waved hello back. “Heya, Boombox.”

”What are you doing here, dudette? I thought you like, lived at Slingshot’s cafe!” She chuckles. “Nah- I’m a regular, dude. This here is my workplace.”

”You work at BOGGIO?” He asked. Skateboard looked similarly confused that his friend was talking to her. “Yup. And this must be Skateboard!”

Pan gives the best grin she can muster- it’s awkward and toothy, but it gets the job done. “I’m Frying Pan. I met Boombox from Slingshot and he’s always talking about you.”

”He is ?” Skateboard asks, his voice flattered. Pan nods.

The rest of the time the two Phighters spent in the shop was gawking at the boards and trying to choose one. 8-Bit stared at her with wide eyes as she returned to the counter.

”You never told my you knew the Phighters personally!” He whispered. Pan shrugged. “Eh. I’m Slingshot’s best customer. I’m surprised he actually paid attention to someone plain as me.”

Skate ended up lugging five different decks to the cashier, slapping down a handful of Bux. “I’ll take these, dude.” 8-Bit is still too stunned to do the order, so Pan does it instead.

”That’ll be 325 Bux.” She gives back the spare change. “Have a good day!”

Instead of leaving, Boombox chimes in. “Like, this is the chick I told you about! She’s the one that gave me the idea for my new moves!” Pan freezes up as everyone’s eyes point to her.

”U-um… yeah- no need to flatter me, thoug-“ She chuckles nervously.

”Nonsense, dude!” Boombox pats her on the shoulder. “You say what- how’s about you and Skateboard also get to know each other? After your shift, of course.”

Skateboard nods, similarly enthused to make a new friend. “That’s fan-tactic, Boombox! Hey- you fine with going to BOGGIO skatepark with us, Pan?”

She nods slowly, still unsure. “A-alright…”

”Great!” The two exit the building, waving back at her. Boombox gives her a thumbs up. “See you at 7PM!”

Pan is happy, of course! She’s gonna meet another Phighter- and one that isn’t that intimidating!

But… why do I feel this mounting sense of dread?

[Skateboard]

That Frying Pan chick was pretty cool, if she was the demon to teach Boombox his sick new tricks!

The two friends hung out in Crossroads for the rest of the day, waiting for 7 PM to arrive so that they could greet their new friend after her shift.

Boombox looks at the setting sun, slightly uneasy. “Woah- it’s only 6. Are you sure we should be inviting her to the skate park when it’s gonna be dark out?”

Skateboard laughed, not worried. “It’ll be fine! She’s not gonna be the one skating, I am. And you know that I always wear my helmet!”

”You’re not the one I’m worrying about…” Boombox chewed on his lip. “She has pretty bad eyesight. And I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”

The helmeted demon only gave a scoff. “I’ve got a spare helmet- she can go use that.”

The time came, and they walked back to the skate shop. Pan was out in the front, locking the front door for the end of the day.

”Hey Pan!” Boombox yelled. “We’re here!”

Pan gave back a toothy grin. “Alright, alright. I’ll go with you two.” She power-walks over to Skateboard and gives him a fist-bump.

”So- BOGGIO skate park? It’s open at night?”

Skateboard gives a thumbs up. “Yup! Definitely!” No way are we telling her that I’m technically breaking in…

Pan has an uneasy look on her face. “Alright… if you say so…”

The concrete skate park was only thirty minutes away from the shop, with the both of them walking there. Skateboard opened the wire fence gate with his key. “Go right in and have a seat! I’m putting on a show for you two!”

This was exhilarating for Skateboard, performing tricks in front of a crowd in the dark. Music played loudly (but not too loud, lest the cops be called) on Boombox’s gear as he performed stunt after stunt in front of Pan.

”Oh damn! That’s pretty cool.” She was clapping and grinning as she saw him perform, clearly having the time of her life.

”Yeeeah!” He ended his act by stopping his gear at the edge of the bowl, and hopping up. “That’s how it’s done, dudes!”

Skateboard watched as his friend turned down the music, and he joined them in sitting at the edge of the half pipe. He sat right in between Boombox and Pan, holding his gear in the crook of his arm.

”I did a pretty rad job back there, huh?” He praised himself.

The demon chick let out a small laugh. “Damn sure you did. Ever think about adding LEDs to the edge of your board so it looks better at night?”

Boombox nods and Skateboard lets out a gasp. “Dude, I should totally do that! It would be so epic and be like whoosh whenever I do that.”

The three took their time chatting, gazing at the few stars visible from the light pollution and admiring the view of Crossroads at night. Boombox checked his phone, then hummed.

”It’s getting really late- we should head back. Pan, do you need us to walk you home?”

”Yeah- it’ll be appreciated.” Pan smiled, and hoisted herself up from the tall half-pipe. “I’m kinda tired.”

There’s that unsettling feeling again, welling up in Skateboard. But he ignored it, taking the stairs down from the half-pipe as Boombox followed him.

”Come on, let’s go-“

His words fell flat and his eyes widened as he saw Pan slip on a step from exhaustion.

[Pan]

Night. Stairs. Concrete.

That horrifying, horrifying feeling welled up in Pan once again as her world slowed down, and she went crashing down face-first into the concrete stairs at night-just like how she did before.

There was a flash of pain on her head- then vertigo, then pain again- and she landed face-first onto the concrete below, sucking in a breath.

Something liquid seeped from her forehead and she tasted blood in her mouth. She could see her vision blurring her ears ringing then-

”Pan!” Her hearing was now fine, her vision back to normal, if a bit blurry. “ Pan ! Are you okay?!”

She could barely register what Skateboard was saying as Boombox slowly went down the stairs to help her too. I- that- that was-

She touched her forehead. Apparently, her glasses were pushed up at the last second when she fell, the lenses only slightly cracking against her forehead.

If they’d been on my face entirely, like last time…

”Pan!” She snapped out of it, breathing heavily. She could see the two demons in front of her crotch down to wipe her forehead with a cloth. “Are you with us?”

She nods, her breathing still heavy. Ollie Pan was fine. She was fine.

I’m fine.

“I-I’m fine, guys. It was only a scratch.” She licks her finger, lifts it to her forehead and smears the blood away. “You guys probably had worse during a Phight. I’ll be fine.”

The two sighed in relief. Boombox gave her a determined nod. “We’ll definitely be walking you home tonight.

And as they did, Pan could only focus on one thing, her surroundings blurring around her as she thought.

I could have died again.

I could have gone home again.

[Skateboard] - Aftermath

The fall must have really spooked Boombox’s friend. Even Boombox himself noted to Skateboard how different Pan acted for a while.

She was still chatty and slightly odd, of course. Her ideas for new moves during Phights were top-notch, and not a lot of demons could figure out how to be creative with their own gears the way Pan did it.

But… there was this nagging feeling whenever he thought back to the skate park. She didn’t look scared when she fell down the stairs.

She looked terrified. As if she was about to die.

Skateboard brushed it off, and avoided the topic with Pan whenever they hung out. She refused to go to the skatepark again, which was understandable, and she refused to go out at night.

”I’m not risking getting mugged, dude.” She’d quipped, laughing. “I just trusted you two to keep me safe that time.”

But the way she’d said it was off. A hint of betrayal. He didn’t even do anything but take her there!

Was the accident that bad? I mean, she only ended up with a scratch.

Nevertheless, she was a delight to hang out with, even if she unsettled him and Boombox sometimes.

He visited BOGGIO skate shop sometimes and asked to see Pan. Her coworker (a really cool dude, but kind of an overzealous fanboy) always agreed, and the two usually chatted when there were less customers.

”So like, my first time riding a bike was when I was thirteen.” Pan said, picking at her own claws.

Skateboard gasped. “Come on! I know other factions are different from Playground, but thirteen?! ” Most demons had another mode of transportation other than walking or driving- it helped them get around quicker in the differing terrain and cities.

Pan shrugged. “I was really busy. Mom and dad…” Her face went quiet for a moment, like she was glitching out, and then returned to her normal neutral tone. “Mom and dad prioritized my education over that kinda stuff. And walking’s more reliable.”

”Walking is not - what if you’re late?” Skateboard stresses, pulling at his helmet straps.

She rolls her eyes. “Then just go early.”

He really can’t believe her bluntness… “Is this like, a Theives Den thing?” He makes a gesture with his hand.

Pan blinks. “What? I’m not- who said I was from Theives Den?”

”Boombox…?” Skateboard replied in confusion. “And he got it from Slingshot?”

The female demon sighed and pinched her face-bridge. “I don’t know where they get it from, even if I do sound like I’m from there. No, I’m not from Theives’ Den- I’ve lived in Crossroads my entire life.”

Skateboard threw his hands up in confusion. “Then why don’t you use a bike?!”

”I don’t know!”

Chapter Text

[Rocket]

Going to the doctor sucked in the Inpherno. Either there were too many patients booked, or the guys running it were shady.

Sure, there were small clinics scattered in every major town and settlement throughout the faction, but only one or two reputable hospitals with actual surgical equipment and more medicine. Crossroads only had one- and seeing that it was one of the few places where he could get more upgrades for his prosthetics, Rocket went there whenever a spot opened up.

The rocketeer groaned, tapping his foot impatiently as he waited in the massive waiting room crowded with demons. He could see cracked horns, bruises, and some cuts on some of them- guess the unofficial Phights were getting popular again this season.

He perked up at the sound of a pencil scratching next to him, and looked to see a really short demon sketching in a notebook.

She had cracked glasses, a cut on her head and a healthy, plump body. Other than her cut, she looked healthier than any other demon Rocket had ever seen- either demons were fit, or they were skinny from starvation. Either she was rich, or the Spawn blessed her with more bulk than others.

What interested him most, however, was what she was sketching. A lightweight, bare-bones skeletal prosthetic of a hand, with notes on the elongated claws reading “hollow? Maybe for poison, but less durable”.

”That’s a pretty cool drawing.” She jumped up from her seat, staring at Rocket before calming down a bit.

”Oh. Um.” The small demon looked awkwardly, glancing at the receptionist then back at Rocket skittishly. “Thank you?”

”Yeah- I don’t know if the wires will help it move well, though. Isn’t there supposed to be motors to move it?”

The smaller demon straightened up, as if accepting the conversation. “It- it’s a hand prosthetic, more focused on patients amputated at the wrist. The wires…”

She drew a twisting arrow on them. “They’re supposed to pull when you flick the wrist, and close the claws. It’s a cheap alternative to motorized prosthetics, and a self-defense option, too.”

Rocket looks at the drawing, fascinated. “Woah. Can you do like, arms, too?” He holds out his own prosthetic arm, its motors whirring a bit.

The demon squints at his arm a bit. “Transhumeral or shoulder amputation? It’s not really clear from here.”

”Eh?” He asks. She clarifies. “Is your arm amputated from below or above the shoulder. Because there’s a difference.”

He makes a noise of understanding. “Transhumeral. I still have a stump.”

The smaller demon makes note of that, and begins sketching.

She sketches for a long time. He goes in and out of the doctor’s office when she’s busy, and gets his new prosthetic parts and painkillers.

He sits back down, and she’s still drawing. The smaller demon looks up and sheepishly shrugs. “Sorry dude- had to stop halfway because I got called. But I’m almost finished.”

Rocket smiles cheekily. “No problem! We should hang out somewhere else though- the receptionist’s getting pissed that we’re takin’ up valuable space.”

He sees the demon from the counter glare until they leave the clinic, sitting down at a nearby bench.

Finally, after a few seconds, the demon perks up and shows him the drawing. “What do you think? It’s not as good as the one you have- but it doesn’t need electricity and does simple grasping motions well.

Not bad! Rocket could see the hook-and-pulley system that looped around his shoulder and into the elbow joint, along with the claw-like hand that would be squeezed shut if he straightened his arm.

”I mean, it’s not that bad! I can see myself using it at home, if I want to charge my main arm… better than not using anything at all, I guess.” He jokes.

The demon laughs, and Rocket just realizes something. “Oh, right! My name’s Rocket- what’s yours?”

She blinks, and gives a fist bump back. “My name’s Frying Pan. Best customer at Slingshot’s cat cafe, and record holder for most fuck-ups.” She self-derisively joked back.

Rocket reassures her. “I’m sure you’re fine-“

”I once nearly ran over a guy and his dog during my driving test.”

”Oh. That kinda is bad.” He chuckles. “But it’s only one time-“

”I slipped and fell on concrete stairs and fuckign died.” Rocket rolls his eyes at that. “Now you’re just being dramatic.”

“I freaked out and said Katana had nice tits, to his face.”

”You WHAT?”

[Pan]

She had to admit, talking to Rocket and messing around with her drawing skills was a good stress-reliever, especially after that doctor’s appointment.

Basically, “Doctor” (because she was pretty sure only three people in Crossroads had an actual college degree) Regen Coil basically told her to suck it up and slap a band-aid on it. They didn’t even have optometrists here!

”Go to Blackrock my ass.” She grumbled, complaining to Rocket. “That quack just said it was someone else’s problem and shoved me away.”

Rocket nodded sympathetically, most likely well-versed in the horror that was Phighting healthcare. “Yeah. He’s… interesting.”

”Does he even have the qualification to be a doctor?” She asks.

Rocket shrugged, kicking his legs on the bench as he waited for Zuka to pick him up. “Well, he’s got a healing gear, so that’s good enough for the hospital apparently.”

”That just sucks. ” Pan frowned. “Why have your life and job be determined by your gear?”

Rocket looks at her in confusion. “… It’s literally who you are?”

”No, it’s not.” He looks at her even more confused. “Yes, it is? I mean, did you not-“

The honking of a pick-up truck makes Pan freeze and Rocket to lose his line of thought.

”Dad!” He grins, and waves. “You’re here!”

Pan shrinks back and stares at Zuka, trying to hide her nervousness but failing.

This is the OLDEST fucking guy out there that isn’t a god of some sort- he’ll see through me and I’ll be so screwed and dead and gone-

The veteran steps out of the car, and she nervously looks to the side, thinking of anything to say and trying to decrease the tension.

”Heya, champ. And who’s this lovely little lady you got with you?” Zuka holds out his hand for a handshake.

Last time, this shit worked with Slingshot and Katana! If I just say something so outta pocket It’ll decrease the tension!

So with that, Pan looks Zuka straight in the eye. “Damn, Rocket. Your dad’s kind of a DILF.”

Judging from the confused look on Zuka’s face and the sheer embarrassment on Rocket’s, she kinda fucked up. She’s (kinda) calm now but if someone said that about her own dad she’d be grossed out too.

”Kids these days and their slang- Rocket, what’s a… DILF?” Rocket buried his head in his hands and groaned. “Nothing, Dad.”

Pan patted Rocket on the back and gave an awkward sigh. “If it makes you feel better, I only said that to make things less awkward.”

”Pan, you just called my DAD a DILF! You made things more awkward!” He groans. “It’s… fine! Just don’t do that again.”

Pan nods sagely. “Yeah, you’re right. Zuka’s kinda old… he’s more of a GILF.” Rocket paused to think about the new acronym and then groaned some more.

” Stop hitting on my dad! You’re like, my age and it’s getting weird!”

”Fine, sheesh. Just poking fun at you.”

Zuka watched the banter with a bit of confusion and amusement. Pan holds out her slightly shaking hand. “My name is Frying Pan, sir. I’ve heard about you- B. Zuka, right?”

He gave a half-shrug. “The one and only. But I’m retired, so don’t go asking for a battle.”

”Come on, do I look like the kinda girl that does battle?” She gestures towards herself. “I’d keel over if you even threw a chair at me.”

Rocket, relieved the topic wasn’t on his dad being a “DILF” of any sorts, butted in. “So uh- dad. You taking me home?” He asks.

”No, I just need some help in the shop. You ready to go, champ?”

Rocket nods, and looks towards Pan. For some reason, he calls her over too. “Hey! You wanna hang out while I help my dad?”

Pan blinks, shocked. “Uh- sure! That’s fine.” She hops on over to the back seat and buckles herself in.

[Rocket]

He sat in the front seat with his dad, fiddling with the radio and tuning in to Flipside’s radio station. The rest of Crossroads whizzed by as his father drove to the auto repair business that he owned.

When they got out, Pan seemed to stare at their shop. “Da Shop: Auto Repair and Rental?” Rocket nodded.

”Huh. Always wondered who ran it.”

The three stepped into the garage after Zuka hoisted the door open with his one arm. He looked at Pan staring around, taking in the sight.

She gave a sigh and a thumbs up. “That’s- cool. Really cool.” The small demon squints at the tool rack. “… do you have that grabby-thing all mechanics seem to have?”

Zuka stares at her, and chuckles. “What? Because you’re gonna need to use the technical term. She pointed to the flexible grabber claw on the rack. “That. Don’t know what it’s called, but I used to love swinging that thing around for fun.”

Rocket giggles a bit. “Oh yeah- me too!” Zuka looked at his son with some exasperation but fondness. “Kid, you kept on scratching my car with it. Absolute little menace.”

As Zuka gave him a head-pat and and a smile, he could see Pan looking at the other tools.

”Huh. Do you have a buffering wheel and wax?” Rocket shakes his head. “Nah. Dad wasn’t ever able to find one… most of that fancy decorative stuff is sold in Blackrock for a steep price, and I don’t think he wants to go there. Besides, nothing a rag can’t do!”

Frying Pan continues to note all of the tools, asking about their specifications and uses. Zuka responds as he sorts them out, just like how he used to do for Rocket before he memorized all of them.

”Why are you so interested, anyways?”His dad asks. Pan just gives a long look a the tools, sighs, and shook her head. “Nothing much. I wanted to be a nurse, school put me in engineering- you know the works.”

Rocket sees his dad make an “oh”. “Yeah- Blackrock is like that. Engineering over everything else.” He rubs his head, clearly remembering his past.

Pan just gives them both a weird look. “… why does everybody assume I’m from a faction? First Thieves’ Den, now Blackrock?” Rocket hears her murmur under her breath. “Stupid damn enrollment… ‘its full’ my ass.”

Oh, yeah. That makes sense too . Crossroads also had schools, but there was so few of them and the education system was so new that they were short-staffed all the time. And seeing that medicine was the most popular subject (demons got hurt all the time, and it was a quick buck), everyone went there.

But still - engineering isn’t bad! It explains how she sketched up that prosthetic so fast.

”Oh, right! That reminds me, dad!” He tugs at Pan’s jacket sleeve. “She’s pretty creative- sketched up a prosthetic when I was in the waiting room!” He saw his dad shift his attention to her, and she shrunk back in embarrassment.

”Oh, it’s nothing that big- just made my own take on an already-existing idea.” She pulled out the claw-pulley prosthetic idea. “Rocket asked me for a sketch after he saw me doodle.”

Zuka gave a nod. “And you can build it?”

”Nah. I’m all creative, no technical skills.” Frying Pan seems even more embarrassed at this- but still, this was impressive for a civilian with cooking gear. “But this can be cheaply built. If you want, I can give you the doodle.”

Zuka takes the page she hands him, and folds it up, putting it in his pocket.

Rocket worked on their own car with his dad, handing Zuka the tools as he worked on the engine. Pan stood a good distance away, eying things with curiosity.

“Rocket, hand me the breaker bar? There’s a screw that’s rusted up here.” He hands Zuka the bar and watches as his dad unscrews it with one arm. “Now- give me a new screw and some oil.”

They were currently taking the engine apart, checking the pistons to see if there was any damage. His dad was currently rummaging around, squinting. “Where is that damn knocking noise coming from-“

”Knocking?” They turned towards Pan, who was leaning on the wall. “I think I know that. Something something inefficient combustion- basically if there aren't any parts moving around, it’s probably because the air and fuel keeps burning without being ignited by the spark plugs.”

Rocket sees his father groan. “Are you kidding me- thanks. I forgot that existed for a second.” He rummages around and picks up a fuel canister, squinting at the label.

”… Fuck . I was so tired I ordered the wrong fuel.” Zuka looks at Rocket. “Son- do you mind getting the rag and fuel additives? I’m gonna need to clean the cylinders and get the right fuel. Ugh.”

Rocket rushed around, getting the things his dad needed. “Really- we should get a new car…”

His dad scoffed. “Nonsense. This one worked just as fine as it did back then. You know, it’s the first thing I bought with my retirement money.”

He laughs, his voice fond. “Awww, dad… your retirement was decades ago. It’s damn old.”

”Please stop reminding your dad how old he is.” Zuka nudges his son’s shoulder. “ Decades, really? Way to make your father seem ancient.”

”I swear, I’ll get you a new car with my money.” Rocket beams, a determined smile on his face. “A fancy, blue pickup truck. You know, the ones they sell at the dealer near Spireline Airlines.”

Zuka rolls his eyes but smiles at his son’s words. “Please, son, all the newer models are so expensive, and they don’t even last as long as my truck…”

”Yeah, but it looks nice!” Rocket laughs. “And you always told me you didn’t like fixing the engine all the time…”

Rocket didn’t notice this, too busy with his banter with Zuka, but… Pan was standing to the side, a blank expression on her face.

[Pan] - Flashback

She couldn’t count the times she had this same conversation with her mom and dad. It always went a little something like this.

Today, it was when she was in dad’s car, with him driving her back from high school. She’d got her confirmation letter from the mail, and how she was accepted into the university she wanted.

”Dad, I’m gonna get in! Even if I didn’t get into the nursing major- I’m in!” Ollie was smiling like a maniac.

“Alright, alright.” Her dad gave her a gentle ruffle on her messy hair as he drove with his other hand. “UCI! Not bad, girl. Keep up the good work.”

”I’ll get a good job, buy a house… well maybe not in this economy.” She chuckled. “But still! I’ll pay you back for everything! I’ll do your bills, send you on a nice cruise to Hawaii, book aaaall the flights you want…”

He laughed, and gave her a rare smile. Ollie beamed back as he responded.

”Ollie.” He spoke to her in a matter-of-fact tone. “You don’t have to pay us back. We took care of you because we wanted you, we loved you. Seeing you succeed is a good enough reward.”

Of course, her father brought up that running gag he and mom always made. “But, a shiny new car isn’t that bad… maybe a Ford pickup truck, with good suspension and a dark color.”

She laughs, her voice full of mirth and conviction. “The fuel’s gonna cost you a lot, dad…”

”Well, at that time, I’m gonna be rich. So it won’t matter.” He smiles.

Ollie closes her eyes and makes a promise. “I promise I’ll buy you a new car and get mom a motorcycle once I get out of college and get a job! I promise!”

YOU PROMISED YOU PROMISED YOU PROMISED YOU PROMISED

[Rocket]

“Alright, dad, I promise I’ll stay safe during the Phights- hey, Pan?” He looks to the smaller demon, who isn’t watching them anymore but staring blankly at the wall. “Pan? You there?”

She blinks, and shakes her head. “H-huh? Oh yeah. Sorry- just- got a bit tired. I didn’t sleep well the last few nights.”

Rocket smiles. “Aw, man! Well, at least you’re having fun now! Say, is there anything you need? You did help dad find out the problem, after all…”

Pan thinks for a while, and shrugs. “I dunno. A seat, maybe?”

Rocket picks up a folding chair, setting it down. The smaller demon sits on it, one leg folded up.

”Aw, nice. That hits the spot.” She stretches on the chair, cracking her back on the steel backing of the chair. “That’s real nice. Almost as good as those plastic school chairs.”

Rocket rolls his eyes. “Oh, yeah, I remember those from Playground’s schools. The only good thing about them, in fact.”

”Lemme guess, shitty school food and too much bullying?” Rocket nods, yawning. Pan makes a hum of understanding. “Ah. Guess it’s one of those universal things.”

”You too?” She blinks. “The school food? Yes. The bullying?” She looks to the side, drawing herself in smaller. “Managed to get lucky to avoid most of it. Being a wallflower gets you places, Rocket.”

The two made casual conversation until Pan looked outside and saw the sun set. “Gotta go back to my apartment, dude. See ya.”

Rocket tapped on his armrest, looking out the garage as well. “It’s getting dark- you sure you can walk back? Crossroads is huge .”

She waves him off. “Nah, its fine. I got a flashlight on me and my gear- and my place is nearby. I’ll be good.”

Frying Pan goes outside, and walks off into the other buildings, disappearing from sight.

Rocket is left with Zuka cleaning up shop, sorting the tools he used back into position. “Huh. Cheeky little fella- Crossroads is pretty safe and bright, but she’s prepared.”

”Oh, you’d do the same, dad.” Rocket huffs. “Besides- she was pretty boring, even if she was really nice. We’ve both seen smarter and stronger demons.”

Zuka pauses for a moment, and drums his fingers on his workbench. “… really boring. Maybe too boring, honestly. I’ve seen demons with a lot of hobbies, but she takes the cake.”

Rocket looks at his dad. “You think she was lying about all that? Drawing, sewing, writing… it’s kinda close to what her gear’s made for- cooking. All boring home-stuff.”

”Yes- but she didn’t say anything about cooking.” Zuka finishes up cleaning, and closes the garage himself. He hefts up his bag and walks outside the shop with his son. “I’d expect a demon with a frying pan gear to be more enthusiastic about cooking, or at least mention it.”

Rocket mulls it over. “Huh. You’re right.” He plays with his own gear, making sure the safety was on so he could fiddle with the parts. “She did say something weird before your car pulled up- asked why someone’s gear should determine their life and job.”

Zuka is quiet for a little. “… She’s not a threat, that’s for sure. Smart, but she isn’t really that clever if she stayed around me despite knowing who I am.” He walks with Rocket to their truck, getting in.

“But one thing’s for sure… I doubt that she has a frying pan as her gear.”

[Pan]

Huh. That was… less tense than I expected. She had a feeling that Zuka would have figured it out, even as she was walking home herself. Pan made sure to avoid every stair no matter how small, and stuck to ramps.

If it were me, I’d be grilling myself for being so suspicious. I mean, what stranger follows your son back to your shop, even if she’s younger than him?

Pan meandered around the streets as the sun slowly set, giving her ample time to slip into the more crowded, safe areas of Crossroads. Her small size made it perfect for her to avoid attention, even if she did have those unusual throat and cheek markings.

She’d gotten used to weird looks from others, but they always turned away. Apparently, it wasn’t rare to have markings- a lot of demons had small colored ones on their face, like Vine Staff and Katana. Yeah, apparently it wasn’t makeup, just their natural skin.

But Pan’s markings were more prominent than others, even if they were lighter. That was a bit more rare than usual, but not too out of place.

It took a while for her to walk back to her apartment- by the time she got to the building, it was already dark with the lights shining brightly. Pan thanked whatever higher power there was that the place she lived in was next to Crossroads tower.

Bright and loud… just like how I like it. Means that it’s safe.

She fires up her laptop, since tomorrow was a Wednesday anyways and she would be off work. Making sure to lock all doors and windows, and drawing the black-out blinds… she began working on the archive.

If I’m not going home, then I might as well bring it here somehow.

The night flickered on outside as she began to work on her next steps, making it as least obvious as she could that her videos and posts were real.

‘History of the entire world, i guess’ would be a big ‘lore drop’. I might as well use the whole thing, with only a few music uploads later… It would make it less believable if I suddenly dropped tons of high-quality content.

She had a determined look on her face. Then let’s get to filtering.

[Rocket] - Aftermath

He saw Frying Pan next week, hanging around Zuka’s shop on a Wednesday.

”Yo.” She’d said. “If you wanna hang out, I’m always at Slingshot’s cafe of Wednesdays or Thursdays.” And so that was that. Rocket decided to visit there on Wednesdays, since Vine Staff and Shuriken sometimes didn’t have Phights and worked there on that day.

He was currently playing Uno with Pan and Shuriken as he was on break, drinking a hot chocolate. They made casual conversation as they kept on placing down cards.

”And I was like- hey, watch this!- and fired a charged shot that accidentally went directly into Sword’s face. I was so embarrassed!”

Shuriken laughs while Pan gives an apologetic smile. “Dude, don’t worry. You have great aim compared to a regular demon- hell, I think I can’t hit a fly even if it was right in front of me.”

”Yeah, but I hit my friend . When we were on the same team, even!” Rocket lifted up his goggles and rubbed his eyes blearily.

Pan hummed, turning her attention to his horns. “I gotta admit, I didn’t expect to meet another factionless person that hung out in Crossroads. Thought I was the only one.”

Rocket shrugged. “Hey, I don’t blame you. Even if you did meet another one they probably won’t tell you.”

”Why?” She seemed genuinely confused, tilting her head. “Was there something that I missed?”

”Eh, just some… stubborn demons have the idea that the faction you were assigned to should be your defining feature.” Rocket’s grip tightened a bit on the cards. “But it’s just old people talk- they’re assholes.”

Pan gets a flash of understanding in her eyes. “Ah. Yeah, that makes sense. Sorry- didn’t know because I was born in Crossroads.”

Shuriken nods at that and Rocket raises an eyebrow. “I thought all demons were shipped off after they appear in the Spawn?”

”My… I had biological parents.” Pan explained. “They both went to live in Crossroads, sacrificed their gear. They got lucky and had two instead of one.”

Two? That’s- SFOTH, that’s nearly astronomical odds! “Damn, they’re lucky .”

Pan’s expression became strained, and Shuriken made an uncomfortable face. He leans over to Rocket to whisper. ” Rocket, dude- say that about her family!”

“Why?” He looks at the Thieves' Den demon. “What’s with it?”

“Dude, they’re probably DEAD with the way she acts every time it gets mentioned. Don’t even bring up her brother- I made her cry the first time we met because of that.” Shuriken hisses.

“Oh. Oh shit- um.” Rocket quickly steers the topic away from parents. “Yeah. Uno?” He holds up one card.

”Plus four, I choose red.” Shuriken smugly says. He throws up his hand, tension forgotten for the moment.

”Damn it!”

It’s not like he forgot his dad’s comment about Frying Pan’s gear not being… you know, a frying pan. It probably isn’t her real name if that’s the case.

Rocket mulled over that as he sipped on his hot chocolate, the Uno game finished. Shuriken was whining about how he didn’t win even though he was the one that passed the +4 card onto him.

Damn, Pan is BRUTAL at Uno. Hiding all those +2 and +4 cards for that moment…

Most Phighters tended to forget that he actually listened to advice from his dad, who was a genius on the battlefield. It was just that he got too distracted to take that advice during Phights.

But off the field, when he had time to think… there was a reason why the swords knew him as Zuka’s successor.

From what he could tell, the laptop Pan carried around was probably her real gear. The way the screen was black but she could type (and possibly see it instead of them), the way she always worked on it…

But from what he saw, that in itself was a contradiction. Because if she was good with her laptop, she’d probably be good with other laptops as well- but no.

She sucked at coding, as Rocket saw one of her notebooks and the shitty code that she wrote. Even he could do better, and he was a novice that only used it to fix his phone! Every other laptop seemed to slow down or break on her, as if she was cursed with shit luck with electronics that weren’t phones or tablets.

So… he stuck with calling her Pan. Because it was what she wanted, and because it was best to let her have the peace of mind.

Other than that, she was really damn creative. Maybe it came from not having a proper gear, but the way she suggested how their weapons could be used…

”Slingshot, instead of those energy bullets you use- why not make your own ammo?” She sketched out a ball. “Why not a net to capture enemies, or a ball full of powders and chemicals?”

”Because that’s banned in Phights. Nothing except your gear and registered supporting tools!” Slingshot said, giving a ‘nya’ at the idea. “But I might try it outside of battle…”

Yeah. Pan really is interesting, once he saw past that boring facade.

Chapter Text

[Pan]

She’d posted the next batch of Tumblr posts- and wow , she didn’t expect to get that popular with her whole idea. I mean, my stuff isn’t even coherent! I’m uploading music, educational videos and random shit- HOW am I getting likes?!

Pan never really adjusted well to fame- the most attention she’d gotten was for some fanfics she’d written then dipped like a stepfather going to get the milk. Currently, she was freaking out in the internet cafe, checking behind her for cameras or passersby.

Fuck it. Let them believe it’s an ARG. This helps me anyways. She shrugs, then goes back to typing out the descriptions for the youtube videos. The USB blinked, signifying it was at its limit.

How shitty is a 2015 computer?! The RAM is atrocious and I can’t even edit shit properly… fuck it. I’m posting one obvious unedited one and seeing if they notice.

The former human was acting more reckless. Was it the fact that she’d nearly died again a few weeks ago, or that she wanted more of her old self to be somewhere in this world? Who knows!

Pan is grinning like a maniac from her ideas, basically uploading some more concrete videos compared to the stuff from before- and seeing that her main focus shows humans onscreen for the first time, it’s going to be fun watching how demons react to her old species.

She kicks back, watches the clock near her computer booth, and sighs. “Shit. Time’s almost up.” Pan unplugs her USB, making sure to wipe down the surface with an alcohol wipe and clean up any evidence of herself.

Thank god I don’t have hair anymore… I used to shed everywhere. She hoists up her backpack, frowning.

There was a miniscule flake of something on the desk, with a familiar whitish-paper color. She wipes it off and stuffs the dirty alcohol wipe in her pocket.

Weird.

[Youtube Channel]

history of the entire world, i guess (LORE!)

54,001 views - June 24, 201X [Creator: Bill Wurtz Original Date:...]

38,000△ Likes   1,039▽ Dislikes    ➦ Share    ✂ Clip    ☰+ Save   ...

💾 Isekai Archive

10,291 Subscribers

15,042 Comments     ☰ SORT BY

😈 orbponderer

Dude! You really outdid yourself with the lore and production on this one! Still, kinda weird to go from love songs to this

💾 Isekai Archive

a lot of #### happened in between and I'm not a worldbuilder

🪃 B00m3rang

What do you mean??? your stuff is so cool (even if it is a bit whacky with the time scaling!!!)

🏆 gold_starr

yeah, right? btw your stuff is so complicated, isekai- keep up the good work!

🧪 testtube_4

Holy shit the science ideas are cool. like i'd never thought that atoms could do something so crazy like in the "atomic bomb"- the speculative science is so realistic! props to the worldbuilding!

🔭 xEPICstarWARRIORx

i know! as a graduate from blackrock this #### is pretty damn realistic. I had a class on physics and the teacher said not much was known below electrons protons and that stuff, but quarks? sounds goofy

💾 Isekai Archive

haha "speculative"

🧪 testtube_4

omg omg omg creator replied

🧨 boom8ich

first

🚧 roAdblockk

“Whoops. Half of Europe just died” <<< unrealistic, plz fix

💾 Isekai Archive

tf you mean "unrealistic"

🚧 roAdblockk

I mean it's unrealistic nobody just dies that quick from a plague

⚰️ deadXDlolz

some people never read a history book with Venomshank in it and it shows

💰xxcashmoneyxx

yo what's with the weird hornless demons. Why they look like that

💾 Isekai Archive

They're not demons, they're another species called humans. I'll have a basic anatomy vid out next time

🎥 CamCatto

man I can't wait! the whole concepts really new you know!

[Tumblr Post]

💾 isekai_archive     Follow

6 hours ago

fun fact: mushrooms are neither plants nor animals nor something in between, and they're probably going to be the thing that kill the swords

🐻 teddy_b3ar     Follow

6 hours ago

are you having a stroke man

💾 isekai_archive     Follow

5 hours ago

you do not understand. mushrooms have been around before demons, before all modern plant life in the inpherno. they are the one constant besides the soil that have survived the great purge, and have acted as the handmaidens of death since the very beginning of the land we walk upon.

they have the ability to break down the cellulose and lignin of trees, the lifeblood and fibers that even the gods cannot digest. some are so genetically similar to demons that eating them causes a deadly allergic reaction.

the mushrooms you see on the land are simply the minuscule vessels for their spores that spread their rot, for the hyphae that extend below are vast enough to span the entire soil below us.

so i repeat again: do you think illumina, who has only been here since the dawn of demonkind, stands a chance against the ancient purveyor of rot that is the mycelium?

⚙️gear_roaster     Follow

5 hours ago

hey OP what the fuck does this mean

💾 isekai_archive     Follow

5 hours ago

decay exists as an extant form of life

⚙️gear_roaster     Follow

4 hours ago

terrifying, have a nice day

💐 booquet_biology     Follow

4 hours ago

No no no, you guys don't get it. I'm a biologist, and what's freaking me out about about Isekai's post is that they're right.

Mushrooms, along with a few plants that had their seeds preserved in the soil, are what we have left before the pre-demon era after the Great Burning centuries ago. They're one of the most mysterious organisms besides bacteria that we're studying to this day, and the more we learn about them the less we know.

They're one of the only living beings to digest lignin and cellulose, the stuff that makes up plants and leaves. Without them, the carbon in them would be trapped for a long, long time. And not only that, but they've recently been discovered to be the main reason life even actually started back up.

TLDR; OP's rant about mushrooms is accurate. They probably can kill the swords given the chance

🪶 feather_falll     Follow

4 hours ago

Did NOT expect to open up my favorite ARG creator's tumblr to see them post ominously about mushrooms

[Skateboard]

Boombox’s been listening to some fire tunes recently, and it’s getting him all hyped up for the next Phight.

Usually, he just sticks with Flipside’s music because they’re the best (in his opinion), and because they were Boombox’s friends as well. He called make an exception to this banger of a channel.

Apparently it’s called “Isekai Archive”? And it’s some internet project or something run by a demon that posts fictional stuff made to look like it’s real. Boombox finds it trippy and so does Skateboard, but the music… man!

”You think a bunch of people are running this account?” He asks as he performs a kick flip, landing in the bowl and doing another trick to push him into the air.

”Duuude, totally.” Boombox nods as he kicks his feet back and forth. They’re at BOGGIO skate park again- but without Pan. It feels safer for her to stay away, after… last time.

Boombox hums along to the funky beat as the music plays. “There’s waaaay too much stuff for it to be one person. Unless they’re reuploading stuff.”

Skateboard scoffs, and does another trick. “No way! Nobody’s seen anybody else make the kinda stuff they do- so they’re probably workin’ together and keeping it on the low!”

”Yeah, that’s probably it.” Boombox does a practice swing with his gear, remembering the advice he got. “And- boom!”

He swings it on time with the beat, hitting the floor. It actually cracks the concrete.

”Oh damn!” Skateboard stops to look. “That’s half as powerful as your Phinisher, Boombox! You think you can do it again?”

”Ba-boom!!” He swings it down again, making a bigger dent in the concrete. “Yeah!”

Skate laughs, and looks down at the cracks in the floor. “Man, we’re gonna be sooo screwed if the owners see this…”

[Rocket]

“And, like I was saying- I’m trying out a new prosthetic.” Rocket folds the flimsy arm back, and grips the water bottle. “What’cha think, Sword?”

Rocket’s best friend tilts his head, looking at his new arm closer. “… Kinda weak, Rocket.”

”That’s the point , Sword.” He huffs, and throws the bottle back down. “It’s meant to be a backup. You know, if my real prosthetic breaks or needs to charge.”

”Still…” Sword eyes the pulley going into Rocket’s elbow. He gives it a poke, but it stays put. “I’m worried about something falling off.”

Rocket laughs, and gives the same pulley a firm tug. “Nah! I made it myself with dad’s help!”

Sword gives a happy “humph” back, standing up straight. “Then can you use your gear with it?”

Rocket shakes his head. “It’s a work in progress. The original idea wasn’t that complex, so it’s only for basic stuff, not fighting.”

Sword tilts his head forward, curious. “Where’d the idea come from, anyway? I thought you focused more on demolition stuff…”

The young rocketeer gives a playful grin. “As if I’m telling you! What’s the fun in finding out right away!”

Sword chuckles, amused. “Alright, keep your secrets… I’ll go ask Venomshank later. Good ol’ Sisyphus.”

The demigod-in-training makes a confused face afterward. “But apparently, he’s busy with some new project. Apparently he’s growing… mushrooms? Said something about a ‘gift for Illumina’.”

Rocket chokes on his laughter a bit, recalling a certain post from the ARG he’s following. Looks like the swords saw it…

[Pan] - Aftermath

She rather enjoyed hanging out in Slingshot’s cafe on Wednesdays, especially with all the friends she’s collecting. Gotta catch them all!

Pan easily pushed aside any bad thoughts when she was around others like this- just good-ol’ fashioned fun and talking made her mental health better . The perks of being an extrovert, she guesses…

Rocket is lounging around with Boombox as he scrolls through his phone, looking for some music. Vine Staff and Shuriken are still working, but they’ve finished serving the food and are just hovering around the tables.

Skateboard and Slingshot are similarly relaxing, with Slingshot leaning over the counter to talk. Slingshot is fiddling with his own gear’s band out of restlessness, pulling it back and snapping it a bit out as he speaks.

Honestly, it isn’t that bad… it’s the most amount of friends she’s had in one place. I never even had this much friends to hang out with since- well, ever!

Pan hummed as she sat next to Boombox and Rocket, looking at the two banter on about who was older.

”Come on, Boombox! Your birthday was last month - I’ve been 23 since January. Get on my level!” Boombox laughs at Rocket’s words.

”Nah, man- we’re technically the same age now!” Rocket sputters a bit, biting into his chocolate croissant. “That’s not how it works! I’m still five months older than you!”

Slingshot makes a pout as he looks over the counter. “Man, I turned 22… a few days ago.” The other Phighters turn to him, and even Skateboard snickers and pats his head.

”Little baby man. Little baby.”

Shuriken, who was also the same age as Slingshot but had his birthday a month ago, snickered. Vine Staff gently bonked him over the head with her gear. “No bullying, guys. Just because Slingshot is younger than us doesn’t mean he’s not a contribution to the team.”

Slingshot huffs as he turns towards Frying Pan herself, making her freeze at all the attention. “Well, what about her? She acts more responsible than most of you guys!”

Pan blinks. “Wait, how old do you guys think I am?”

”You seem kinda… young? But from the way you’re acting all skittish and avoiding any conflict, I say you’re at least more mature than these guys.” Vine Staff says, gesturing towards all of the other demons in the cat cafe.

Pan makes an awkward face. “… Vine Staff, I’m younger than all of you.”

”Twenty-one, then! Congrats, dude, when was your birthday?” Boombox claps her over her back. “I mean, I know you said it was in March but-“

”I’m twenty , dude.” Pan looks even more offended at the guess.”Did you think I was that old???”

Everyone goes silent for a moment, and then there’s a resounding “HUH?!”

”Pan, you- you can’t even buy alcohol in Crossroads?!” Rocket is freaking out, understandably because they all thought she was older. “But you… I dunno-“

”You act like an alcoholic with all of the sweet drinks you’re buying.” Pan turns to Vinestaff with a look of mock-betrayal. “Vine Staff, you too?”

[Hyperlaser]

Subspace has been acting awfully happy recently, and not in a good way.

The smarter demons who’ve worked in the same lab as him knew when to keep their horns down, especially when one of Blackrock’s best scientists acted this way. It either meant he got permission to do something (which was never good), or he had an idea (which was even worse).

Hyperlaser knocked on the door to one of Subspace’s chemistry labs. This one was more like an office, with less equipment but more shelves upon shelves of books. “Subspace. It’s me, Hyperlaser.”

”Can’t you see?! Progress is being made!” There isn’t any sound of crashing or shattering glass, which was rare.

Hyperlaser shifts in his spot, not willing to open the lab door and possibly be blasted with unknown chemicals. The last unfortunate demon that tried that had to be wheeled out on a stretcher. “Yes- but the superiors are calling you. You have to check out the next shipment of Zeta Biografts for military use, and make sure none of them have been mixed up with the civilian models for retail.”

”Uggghhh…” Hyperlaser can hear his coworker stomp over to the lab door. He quickly steps aside, and the heavy steel door slams open to reveal… nothing?

There’s no chemicals stained on his shirt, no gas (aside from slight traces of his usual pink one) billowing out the door- what’s going on?

Subspace sulks out of his room and closes the door. Hyperlaser tilts his head in curiosity, not sure if he should ask. “This is unexpected. Have you not experimented with anything?”

Subspace’s fangs bare as he grins manically. “Oh, this is far more interesting than any experiment than I’ve done before. It’s all theoretical, but,” He pulls out his phone and a sleek black notebook. “It’ll redefine war as we know it. ”

Hyperlaser gets an ominous feeling as he sees the sketch of an unassuming bomb and the scrawled rambling on the side.

The Blackrock mercenary seems relieved when he saw the frustrated note that Subspace couldn’t figure out how it was possible, and the fact that he didn’t understand some kind of science for once. Still…

What do atoms have to do with a bomb?

Chapter Text

[Hyperlaser]

Hyperlaser honestly didn’t expect Blackrock to give him this much freedom, especially with as valuable of a soldier as he was.

Sure, the snowy region was much better than it was before the war, the whole government was definitely more controlling compared to Playground and Theives’ Den. Only Lost Temple’s government being around that level of corrupt, and they’re basically a pseudo-cult at this point.

The helmeted demon drove his black car out on the highway connecting Blackrock to Crossroads, watching as it slowly got less and less snowy. The barren land quickly faded into water, then a cityscape as he approached.

Hyperlaser parked next to the bar he and Katana were supposed to meet up at. Opening the door, he was surprised to see his drinking buddy try and talk down a really short demon.

”Little one, you’re not supposed to be here. Vine Staff already told me you are not allowed on the premises.” He crosses his arms.

”Oh come onnn, Katana. Please?” She whines, tugging at his sleeve. “I’m not gonna order any drinks… I just wanna hang out!”

Katana sighs, and looks to the side. He visibly relaxes once he sees Hyperlaser. “Greetings, dear friend. So you have finally arrived.”

Hyperlaser nods, looking mainly at Katana but staring questioningly at the smaller demon next to him. Katana rubs his mask and sighs.

”Do not mind her- I was left with the task of ‘hanging out’ with Vine Staff and Shuriken’s new stray. They are very fond of her, for some reason…”

The short demon perked up, holding out her hand for a handshake. “My name’s Frying Pan, sir. Katana told me about you!” She gives a crooked, toothy smile.

He returns the handshake, noticing how strong her grip is. “He did? And what did he say, hm?” Hyperlaser asks. Frying Pan lets out a barking laugh.

”That you’re his best friend and drinking buddy!” Katana looks a bit flustered at this.

He chides her. “Frying Pan, I simply stated he was a good acquaintance of mine.” She fires back that same toothy grin. “It’s basically the same thing without all that fancy-schmancy language you use.”

The Blackrock mercenary was here on break , not to babysit some kid with Katana. He groaned as he ordered some alcohol, then left the bar.

Katana frowns at him. “No drinking around the youth.” He throws up his hands. “Katana, I’m allowed to drink around Shuriken, and he’s 22-“

”Frying Pan turned 20 this year.” Hyperlaser groaned. “ Blackrock doesn’t have that stupid law, she’s practically a young adult.”

Frying Pan nodded, actually agreeing with him. “I’m fine. I don’t mind the smell of alcohol, and I don’t drink anyways.” She snickers. “Well, besides iced coffee and tea.”

Ugh. Hyperlaser wasn’t amused with her joke. Come on, Hyperlaser. You’ve dealt with Subspace for your entire career- you can deal with a snotty brat as well.

Hyperlaser could practically hear the nasally whine and respirator-breathing of his coworker. He shook it off, then continued.

”Well if you have to look over the brat, then I guess we can go train for fun.” He walks over to his car, opening the door. “Which one?”

Katana mulls over all the training facilities in Crossroads, then responds. “The one near Blackrock highway seems to be fine. Are you okay with that?”

The mercenary nods, and starts his car as the two demons get in. “Dominion Gym it is, then.”

They drive for a few miles before reaching training grounds. Hyperlaser sees some other Blackrock citizens on vacation training, since their version of fun is usually tied back to making themselves stronger.

Hobbies in Blackrock weren’t seen as “worth your time” unless they had something to do with training, Phights, or being an engineer. His own hobby was training, but not a lot of his coworkers or even his friend knew that he liked to take care of cats in his free time.

Unfortunately , the drive there was so awkward he had to physically restrain himself from just turning around, dumping the small demon somewhere else and taking Katana only.

It is UNPROFESSIONAL to throw weaker demons out the window. It is UNPROFESSIONAL-

He couldn’t even talk to Katana during the drive about personal stuff because of Frying Pan being there! He wanted their time together to be private, not some random demon to listen in!

At least she read the room and stayed quiet, just looking out of his car window while he parks.

”Your parallel parking is shit.” She says in a deadpan voice. I KNOW! You don’t have to say it!

At least Frying Pan had guts. Even Katana was slightly amused by the comment.

The three get out of the car, Pan hopping down and opening the front door for the two of them. Hyperlaser immediately went to the weights while Katana followed behind.

”Not going to the shooting range, then?” His friend asks. Hyperlaser grumbles. “What, like you expected me to? I’m not gonna work on my aim and forget to exercise properly.”

He and Katana basically ignore Pan for most of the time, talking about whatever they could (at least, in a public training ground). After all, he didn’t want any of the Blackrock demons there overhearing something he didn’t want them to…

”Really, Hyperlaser. You should take off your jacket…” He shakes his helmeted head. “It is perfectly fine. You know I’m not weak.”

Looks like Hyperlaser doesn’t like appearing vulnerable anywhere , even when Katana can visibly see him sweating from the little skin he has exposed.

”Hyperlaser. You are going to get heat stroke.”

The mercenary growls a bit, frustrated as he does bench presses. ”No, I am not-“

[Pan]

Okay- okay okay okay! You didn’t freak out this time! All that cringy roleplaying on Character AI is actually doing well!

Frying Pan finally figured out how to get over her nervousness- or, well, at least look less nervous. And that’s saying something for a small, overweight person like her.How did she do this, exactly?

Pan would never admit it, even if she was held at gunpoint by fucking God himself- but she was damn good at roleplaying. Some of her best ideas came from it!

So to prepare herself, she did a pretty genius (and kind of dorky) plan: take all the canon material on the Phighters, cross-reference it with publicly available data in the Inpherno’s internet, and make a template. Upload it on Character.AI, and presto! She had a realistic simulation of how her future interactions would turn out.

However, the embarrassing part of it was that it was just text generated. So, in other words, she had to literally memorize lines of her own roleplaying dialogue and act it out.

(Flashback)

“… And that’s why you are NOTHING, Subspace. Your body shall fall to rot like all other demons, and your efforts to leave a legacy shall be for naught- what the hell is this dialogue.”

Pan checked to see if she soundproofed her apartment closet again, embarrassed at even HEARING her own dialogue. She closes the door and looks in the mirror she lugged there again.

“Am I really going to do this shit?” She groans, scrolling on her computer. “I mean, I know he’s an evil bastard and probably going to commit war crimes, but should I really taunt him about his medical condition and impending death?”

Pan throws her hands up in the air. “This is like making fun of a cancer patient who’s also capable of bombing an orphanage.” She sighs.

”ALRIGHT. Take two. Don’t sound so Shakesperian-!”

-

Pan shudders. Ugh. At least the training was useful. I’m not too much of a stuttering idiot anymore…

She looks around at the gym, resisting the urge to shrink back at all the stares she got from the larger, muscular demons there. Frying Pan looked pretty pathetic, after all.

Okay, gotta fit in! She walked over to a weight rack, and hefted up a small 10-pound dumbbell.

”… Huh?” She gives it a few hammer curls. “Why is it so…?”

Pan picks up a heavier weight, tries it again, then tries it with an even heavier weight. Pan manages to do twenty reps with twenty-five pound dumbbells.

How- I wasn’t this strong when I was human! Like, I should physically be unable to do this! Pan is confused and freaking out in her head about her strength. It seemed completely out-of-character for her, but there was a good explanation that she was just too busy to notice.

During her shifts at BOGGIO Skate Shop, she’d often have to pick up boxes of merchandise and skateboards by the armful. Now, usually a normal demon would carry a comfortable amount to do it over and over again.

But Pan was paid by every delivery she made, not by the hour. So she stepped up, rolled her sleeves, and carried as many boxes than she could handle every time she walked from the delivery truck to the store. And seeing that the truck could only park in the lot half a mile away…

Frying Pan was plump and short, and that led to her greatest advantage: hiding her new muscles underneath that layer of soft fat. She just thought she was still as weak as before.

God damn. Did my transformation into a demon make me naturally strong?

She did a few lateral raises, and finally her arms started to become sore. Ah, there it is. Good ol’ lactic acid buildup. Pan gently puts the weights and wipes them down, and eyes the mostly-empty treadmills. Might as well do my legs and cardio, then…

An hour of running and jogging later, she stops the exercise and squints to check at Katana and Hyperlaser. She left her cracked glasses at her apartment, planning on getting them repaired later.

”Damn, guess they’re already finished? And Hyperlaser’s actually going into the practice arena.” The ‘practice arena’ was a place found in most demon gyms for them to test their gear- usually isolated into separate areas to avoid gym-goers from fighting.

Hyperlaser and Katana were both in one room, with Hyperlaser setting up a decent firing range.

I should probably try out my pan too… even if it isn’t my gear. She pulls her frying pan out, flipping it around in her hand more easily ever since she practiced “acting” with it.

Frying Pan was already too suspicious with the Phighters- but she’s getting rather fond of her new identity. Why not embrace it?

Now, time to get over to a training dummy and-

“Hey, pipsqueak!” She whips around and stops herself from stepping back. There’s a few demons in front of her, clearly around her age and looking like trouble.

Their leader, a demon with hook-curved horns and a swimmer’s build, sneered at her. “And what’s a little rat like you doing in Blackrock’s gym.”

”This is Crossroads, though.” She straightens up, looking him in the eye as she steadies her breathing, trying not to bolt. “And I was sent here to monitor an… asset.”

That’s right- Pan’s balls-off-the-walls idea was to pretend to be a Blackrock inspector. She’d even roleplayed this very scenario out, posing in the mirror like a slimy, overconfident aristocrat who only got hired because of money. It fit her build, after all.

”You? An inspector?! What a joke.” The other demons laugh, the four of them circling her like sharks as she tightens her grip around her fake gear.

The leader gave a snarling grin. “The only thing you inspect is the donut shop, girlie. Keep yourself in the kitchen.”

Pan simply gave a cheerful grin, closing her eyes. “Is that so?” She runs a finger on her pan as she holds it up. “Disrespecting a superior is grounds for insubordination, Mars Blaster.”

The leader visibly loses a bit of his cool, gritting his teeth. “ How do you know my name.”

It wasn’t hard. She’d spied the barrel of his gun poking out of his gym bag and recognized it- naming demons after their gear was rather dumb. And all those months wasn’t spent just uploading stuff- she remembered to memorize most of the weapon gears in the Roblox catalog, too.

”Ah, ah, ah- I have your files, Private Blaster. It’d be a shame if your dear friend got punished as well…” Pan bullshitted the ‘dear friend’ part, but gave him the most sly, smug grin she could. From the way the guy blanched and backed up, she managed to get lucky.

The rest of the other demons backed up a bit too, but still faced her. One of them sneered. “She’s lying! She has to be- no inspector has that kind of civilian gear.”

Pan gives a snarl and a snap of her teeth. “And what of it. ” She hisses.

Furrow your brows, act like he spat on your grave. Step forward, and remember- you are a superior. She said in her mind, keeping herself in character.

With a flourish, she holds up her gear. “If you are so insistent on mocking a superior, then go ahead. Shoot me, and prove that I am just a civilian.”

Spit on the floor. Stomp your sneaker like you’re used to boots instead.

Mars Blaster takes his gun out, raises it, and fires.  Frying Pan had only seconds to react, and swings her gear like a baseball bat.

[Hyperlaser]

“And that’s how you make a shot.” Hyperlaser can’t help but be proud of his reflexes, and lowers his gun.

Katana nods his head. “Your reflexes have been getting better in close-range combat- do you reckon you can flee if needed?”

“ Reposition . Not flee.” He corrects his drinking buddy. “And with the way I’m moving, I still need some practice-“

There’s a high-pitched scream from outside the door. Hyperlaser freezes while Katana unsheathes his gear.

” No. I should have not- we should have not left her alone!” Katana curses, throwing the door open while Hyperlaser follows behind, readying his gun. He lifts it up, and takes a good look at what’s in front of him.

Katana is similarly dumbfounded.

A bunch of demons are backing up from Pan, who has her gear out. She’s standing up straight, back towards the two Phighters as the demon in front of her holds his arm.

He’s bleeding- clearly shot by something in the hand. A dropped pistol gear is on the floor.

”And that is why-“ She turns around to see Katana. “Oh, hello again, Katana!” She says, her expression cheerful and her eyes closed. “Is Hyperlaser done with his training?”

”Are… you alright, little one?” She chuckles, and waves her hand off. “No- I simply talked this guy down. He accidentally shot himself with his own pistol. Right, sir?”

The demon (clearly one of the lower-rank soldiers from Blackrock who came here for a break) nodded so frantically that Hyperlaser though his horns would come flying off.

”Right!” She turns to them one more time, and her young voice dips into something more serious as she addresses them. “We’ll discuss this later .”

The small crowd books it, the leader scrambling to pick up his gear as she walks back towards the two friends with a relieved sigh. “Damn… that was tense.”

”Impressive. And I thought you were a coward.” Katana noted.

She shrugs. “I am. I didn’t even raise my weapon- just said a few words and they calmed down.”

Hyperlaser looks at her with suspicion and distrust, annoyed that she had the nerve to lie to them. She was hiding something- he knew it.

Hyperlaser got an explanation from Katana when he dropped Pan off at Crossroads plaza, where her home (allegedly) was.

It didn’t sound convincing at all.

”She’s usually so skittish- and I could tell when I met her that she was a civilian. One with secrets, yes- but a civilian.” He hummed as Hyperlaser drove down the highway to Theives’ Den.

Katana chuckles. “Why, she even went with Vine Staff and Shuriken at first to meet me. Hid behind them like a child, too!”

The way she talked to those demons in the gym was not childish or civilian-like in ANY way. Hyperlaser trusted his friend, but now he had doubts about Katana’s judge of character. “And what faction was she from?”

”Vine Staff said she was factionless, and that her parents left to live in Crossroads before she was born.” A bit of silence, and Katana continues. “But if it piques your interest, at least one of them was from Theives Den.”

Bullshit. That stance she had, the false innocence in her voice when she turned back to them- she’s a damn spy from Blackrock. No doubt.

Hyperlaser grips his wheel harder with rage. She’d played his own friends and fellow Phighters like fiddles with that lie, and so well. Even he’d misjudged her at first- but no more.

Katana hummed. “Well, the siblings invited her over to my abode for tea. And she was a delight to talk to.” The mercenary nearly swerves his car off the bridge in shock and terror.

” Look - Katana. Don’t let her talk to Vine Staff or Shuriken anymore- heck, don’t even trust her.” He trembles with rage once he realized that she managed to infiltrate his best friend’s own home- and probably had some dirt on him from their friendship.

”You’re going to get hurt.” The two of them sit in the car, letting their differing opinions sink in.

(Elsewhere, Pan sneezed when she got back to her apartment. She knew the tropes- Hyperlaser was probably talking about her. Oh well, let’s hope he didn’t actually think she was a rat from Blackrock.)

Hyperlaser sneers as he thinks about the small demon. She’s a damn rat! I know one when I see one.

(Aw shit.)

[Hyperlaser] - Aftermath

He decided to trail the demon whenever he had a chance to go back to Crossroads during his break. It wasn’t as if it was hard, either- she had a nice, easy routine followed every day and barely noticed him.

Or maybe she did, and she was just making herself easier to follow on purpose. Whatever it was, Hyperlaser gripped his gun tighter in paranoia. He used his scope to spy on her from one of the trusses in Crossroads Tower.

He watched her walk from her job back to her apartment multiple times, seeing how she blended into the crowd with her height and was only barely visible until she exited.

A master at her craft. But I’m sure she’s even more devious within close quarters combat- after all, it takes some skill to use a demon’s own gear against them.

She shambled into her apartment and closed the door. Her windows are always drawn tight and locked, even secured with a wooden bar on the sliding part. The curtains are drawn shut.

She’s hiding her own evidence there, alright.

Hyperlaser wouldn’t be a very good soldier if he didn’t know how to break into buildings. Unfortunately, that often meant kicking doors in with his boot.

The mercenary thought long and hard, and decided against it… for now. He didn’t want her to find out and rat against him, whatever she knew. All he had to do was wait for her to forget to lock the door, and-

She exits the building again, this time to go to an Internet cafe. He knew since he’s followed her to there the last few times he decided to trail her. Going inside where he could be in close- quarters combat would be bad, so he simply recorded the amount of time she stayed there.

I’ve got three hours. Check the door, and if it’s open, in and out.

He slips down after she’s out of sight, jiggling on the door handle.

His face is shocked underneath his helmet once he realizes that it’s not locked.

… Well, that was convenient. The first time I try to break in, and this happens.

He walks in, taking note of how normal the whole room looks. It’s messy, has a bunch of hobby stuff lying around, and the only thing of note there is a large whiteboard/bulletin over her desk.

On it, there’s a bunch of memos. ‘Visit Slingshot’s Cafe Wednesday and Thursday’, ‘horn care every 2 weeks’, ‘save up 60k Bux for Biograft and 7k for-‘…

Why is she buying a Biograft? If she’s from Blackrock, then surely… He furrows his brow. And 7k… that’s for a civilian model. The only thing they’re good at is guarding and chores.

Hyperlaser shrugs, not sure why a spy wanted a glorified dishwasher. He moves on to the closed closet, and opens it.

It looks like a shitty recording booth to him- he’s seen them in pictures before, but not as pathetic as this one. There’s even a mirror and a steel chair in the insulated room.

Is this like, a spy room or something? It’s… He was about to think it was shit but shook his head.

Get to the point. You’ve found nothing so far- and you should leave. She’s way too good for this.

Hyperlaser exits the building, making sure to close all the doors and slip away into the night. Frying Pan returns an hour later, none the wiser.

His time so far has been shit in Blackrock. Subspace is even more insufferable now, scrawling out notes in his lab and not doing any chemical experiments.

It was eerie, how terrifying that felt. If the demon who was most known for his poison gas was not doing shit like that, then something big must have come up.

He groaned as he went back to Crossroads for the weekend, deciding to visit Katana at the bar instead like he always did. This time, he made sure to check if his friend accidentally brought the rat along as well.

Oh thank SFOTH, he didn’t. He saw Katana lounging around in the counter like before. “One shot of vodka, please. Blackrock special.” The bartender nodded and slid over the clear drink.

”It is nice to see you again, my friend.” Katana raises his glass of sake to give Hyperlaser a toast.

Hyperlaser nods and grumbles, lifting his helmet just enough so he could insert a straw and put the end in his shot. Katana watches, still amused by the way Hyperlaser kept his face hidden.

”Difficult time at work, then?” He nods. “Subspace is acting weird this week. He isn’t doing any experiments, just- writing.”

”That sounds out of the ordinary. Tell me.”

Hyperlaser groans, lifting up his head. “He’s even acting more like an egocentric maniac- keeps on rambling about building ‘the greatest weapon ever’ and ‘Blackrock will be superior’.” His head drops down to the counter again. “I can’t even talk to him without him rambling.”

Katana gives a sympathetic nod, and patted Hyperlaser’s back. “There, there. He’ll get out of that phase soon.”

”Subspace is not an angsty teenager, Katana…” Hyperlaser chuckles at the idea though. Emo Subspace would be hell to deal with.

Instead, his friend pulls out a paper bag. “Here- a gift to you. I wanted to get you something to thank you for putting up with Pan that one time.”

His mood sours at the mention of her, but he accepts it anyway. He looks inside, and pulls out a cassette tape… and some cat food.

Hyperlaser’s slight happiness turned into confusion. “What’s on the tape?”

”Metal music. Is it to your liking?” Hyperlaser shrugs, and gives a nod. Must have been talking to Boombox…

His mind drifts to the cat food. “Huh. Did I ever tell you about Princess?” Come to think of it, he never told anyone about her, Katana included. He just forgot to tell his friend, and everybody else he didn’t trust to not make fun of him.

Katana perks up. “Oh, your feline companion? Yes, Pan told me about her! Absolutely adorable, for you to have a soft spot for them.”

Hyperlaser freezes, his head going blank out of pure shock and fear. “… What did you say.”

“It’s rather kind of you to tell her about that, to ease her anxieties about you.” Katana continues, unaware of the sheer panic attack the mercenary was having. “Showing you have a soft side towards animals is a very good way of calming others down.”

” Sorry I have to go.” Hyperlaser’s voice is strained as he grabs the bag, slaps down a few Bux to pay for their drinks and runs towards his car.

(Pan is trying to practice her cooking at home when she suddenly gets an odd feeling. “Eesh, hope nobody has a breakdown today. It’s a pretty good day after all-“)

Hyperlaser gets to his apartment complex in record time, slamming the door open. His cat, Princess, meows and rubs against his legs.

Oh gods, she’s okay. Everything’s okay. He sighs, closing his door and locking it. He should apologize to Katana for , send him a gift in return-

He sees a knocked-over book that definitely wasn’t knocked over before. Now, realistically, he should have realized that his cat was rubbing up against him in apology, and that cats had a habit of knocking things over for fun.

But with the sheer panic in his head, the alcohol in his system, and the paranoia that’s been building up the last few weeks from stalking one person, he comes to the obvious conclusion.

No- NO! THE RAT GOT INTO MY APARTMENT!

Princess meows in concern as her owner nearly has a stress-induced stroke on the floor.

Chapter Text

[Pan]

It’s been getting much more difficult to handle things at her apartment and job now. With all the things she has to do (running the archive, practicing her acting, buying her own groceries, doing her job…) there’s barely enough time for her to sit back and relax like she used to.

Sure, her Tuesdays and Wednesdays were completely free. But she was busy being friends with the Phighters and maintaining her relationships with them.

Pan… was ashamed of one thing particularly in her last life. More than her lazy habits, more than her weight- it was her inability to keep friends around her.

They’ve all drifted apart, one way or another. She didn’t reach out, and they didn’t reach out- the moment Ollie didn’t see them on a daily basis, she tended to just… forget. Not out of maliciousness, but just out of short-sightedness.

Ollie was like a rowboat- didn’t see that she was drifting away from the fleet until it was too late and too tedious to come back.

But Pan wanted to be better than she had ever been with Ollie. So, she set up alarms on her phone specifically for those hangout times, and forced herself to never skip them.

You need to maintain good relationships with them! They’re stronger, smarter, and more influential than you- their friendship is a boon.

… Is what she always told herself. But inside… she needed an incentive to keep them around. Keep them as friends.

It’s better to think of them this way. This way….

You won’t forget them.

So! Back to the topic at hand- Pan’s steadily crowded schedule. Actually living by herself was a chore, so she decided to get a helper.

”And that’ll be 5,000 Bux for delivery, ma’am. Would you like you receipt?” Pan nods at the delivery demon standing in front of her door. Next to him was a large cardboard crate, containing her most expensive purchase ever.

”Ah- yes. Thank you very much, Rainbeau!” She gives a grin towards the skittish courier, and hands him the money. “I hope your other deliveries are easier than this…”

”No no no- it’s fine!” Rainbeau adjusts his hat. “I’ve done harder orders- carrying all that is a breeze when you have a job like mine.”

Frying Pan gives him a nod. “Well- have a good day then!”

It takes a while for Pan to unwrap the box, her claws being too short to cut through the thick packing tape.

” Why do they make it so damn thick-!” She struggles with a pair of scissors, hacking at the reinforced duct tape. “Is this for like- preventing robberies? I know everyone has claws but damn!” She finally gets the top open and gently slides it down.

Inside the box was a Biograft. She gently lifted it up from the styrofoam mold, and placed the lightweight robot onto her bed.

It was 7,000 Bux. She’d spent that much to get the best civilian-model Biograft Blackrock was selling on the market. Sure- it was leagues weaker and less advanced than their military Zeta Biografts, but this one was good for home defense, domestic purposes and disability assistance.

It looked exactly like the Biografts following Subspace around, except it only had one sword “gear”, much smaller than the military ones. And it also had a slightly lighter hue- made from a weaker aluminum alloy that was prone to denting.

She grunted, lifting the rest of the styrofoam out to look for the instruction manual. “Now- where is- aha!” She pulls it out of a small pocket on the cardboard box. Pan scanned the text for a bit.

”Charge five hours before turning on, be careful of the core used to power it and don’t overcharge… contact Blackrock Robotics Domestic Branch for repairs.” She sighs. “But where is the charger?”

Frying Pan reads the manual while gently fiddling with the robot. There’s a click and a panel slides up from the back. ”Oh- it's like a tail charger.” She gives a little chuckle and smile. “Neat.”

Frying Pan pulled on the extension cord with as much care as possible, and plugged it into her wall outlet. The Biograft lights up a soft orange on its’ plexiglass highlights, and she gives a satisfied hum.

”Alright, buddy- I’ll greet you when you finish charging. For now…” She rolls up her sleeves and gets to cleaning her apartment.

[Biograft]

[Biograft: Civilian Model Zeta charging…]

[Setting up BioGraft.OS V.3.11.0 …]

[Running system checks…]

[Welcome, first time user!]

The Biograft’s optics blinked on for the first time, its orange lights getting slightly more bright. It looked around the room that they were currently charging in.

From it’s analysis, it could see that the area was slightly more disordered than the average demon’s room, with personal belongings shoved into specific areas based on functionality. It sat up from the mattress it was placed on, waiting to see it’s new owner.

”… SYSTEM CHECKS FINISHED. BIOGRAFT MODEL ZETA: ONLINE.” It made a slight whirring noise to get it’s owner’s attention. “HELLO, OWNER.”

”Oh! Wait a second- I’ll be there in a moment!” The voice that it processed was from a younger demon- as it soon saw from her running into the small room and giving an excited shake.

Biograft’s new owner was a stocky demon with dark, curved-back horns and gray face markings. Her frame was fit and healthy, with broken, rectangular glasses perched on her face.

She gave the Biograft a cursory look-over, and gave it’s hand a gentle shake. “Hello! It’s nice to meet you.” Quite formal, if she’s introducing herself to a robot. “I’m Frying Pan, and this is my apartment.”

”DESIGNATED OWNER NAME: FRYING PAN.” She gives an awkward laugh. “Please- shorten it to Pan. No need for formalities.”

”OF COURSE.” Biograft nods, and stands up from the bed. “OWNER NAME PREFERENCE SET TO: PAN.”

It;s owner gives an awkward smile, and perks up when the sound of a whistling kettle rings through the air. “Shit- gotta get the water.” Frying Pan rushes to the kitchen, and Biograft follows her in a marching walk.

The Biograft obediently stands to the side as it watches it’s owner lift the kettle onto the counter, pouring the boiling water into a cup of hot chocolate. She turns to the side, checking on another pot of boiling water and some veggies.

”Biograft- are you settled in enough to help me with this?” The robot tilts his head. “I COME READY TO SERVE AT A MOMENT’S NOTICE.”

Pan gives a gentle nod, and holds out a spoon. “Can you stir the hot chocolate for me?”

”OF COURSE.” Biograft does as it’s told- but it sees her turn to the vegetables and begin chopping them, slowly. Pan’s hands are inexperienced, slow- she’s clearly trying to learn how to do it faster.

The civilian-model robot tilts its head in confusion. “DO YOU NEED ASSISTANCE?”

It’s owner shakes her head, indicating ‘no’. “It’s alright. You can just stir the hot chocolate and put it aside to cool when you’re finished.”

It’s odd, how she’s doing the more labor-intensive job of making soup, instead of making the Biograft do it. She dumps the unevenly-chopped veggies and sausage into the boiling pot- pot-au-feu, as it’s internet connection tells it. A simple dish of boiled meat and veggies.

Frying Pan finished up the cooking, and gently plated the food, saving the rest in the fridge. “Thank you.” She carries her bowl to the small dining table in her apartment, sitting down and blowing it cool.

”… ANY FURTHER ORDERS, OWNER?” The Biograft asks.

She gives a gentle sip of her hot soup, making a ‘bleh’ face at the heat. “No orders for now- just do what you want.” It’s owner gives the chair opposite from her a glance. “You are welcome to sit down if you want.”

Biograft didn’t really want anything - it was a robot after all. Still, it took it as an order and sat down.

Biograft: Civilian Model Zeta, ID#8008 was sure no other demon acted as irregularly as it’s owner.

Frying Pan was a demon of habit- she always went to work on time, always liked to set alarms for everything, do chores in a specific order. Despite this, Pan contradicted this by trying new things in her hobbies: sewing, writing, drawing, cooking…

Biograft would never say this and insult her- but Frying Pan was only mediocre at those things. She was mildly better at best, and abysmal at worst. But she liked doing these things, completely unrelated from her gear (except cooking).

And that wasn’t counting it’s owner’s personality. Frying Pan swapped from nervous and skittish, to unabashedly energetic, to lazy and relaxed- all within the span of a few minutes. Biograft was simply a robot and didn’t understand things like ‘personality’, but even it knew that she changed on a constant basis.

There were even some times where she locked herself in a soundproof closet for hours and came out trying a new facade, like it was simply another set of clothes. It was mildly interesting to see the awkward, small demon somehow straighten up and command her presence like a soldier.

But the most confusing thing about Frying Pan… it had to be how she treated it.

Pan kept on doing her chores herself, and letting Biograft do the less intensive, easier ones. She actively worked alongside it to maintain her apartment rather than sit back and relax.

And Biograft didn’t even do much sometimes! It would overheat just a few degrees, and then it’s owner would be telling it to “take a break” and hand it an ice pack. It wasn’t weak- Biograft could easily work until it’s internal cooling couldn’t keep up, which was far beyond a bit of light work.

This has been going on for weeks.

It made no sense. She made no sense. Why buy a robot, only to not use it in the most efficient way? Everything about her actions was illogical.

”I CANNOT GET TIRED, OWNER.” It cleaned its own blade as Frying Pan washed the dishes- she’d told it that she wanted to do it herself. “WHY NOT COMMAND ME TO DO SO?”

Frying Pan gave a slight pause. “Eh? But aren’t you already protecting my apartment? That’s a good enough job for you, and your plate is full.”

True- Biograft did look over it’s owner’s quarters and guard them when Frying Pan went to work. But the task was so easy - it just stood around there with nothing to do, so it cleaned her room by itself, without her input.

When Pan got back, she’d been pleasantly surprised, thanking the Biograft. [HOW IRREGULAR. THANKING A ROBOT FOR FOLLOWING IT’S PROGRAMMING.]

Frying Pan gave a furrow of her brows, seemingly thinking it over. “… It seemed rude, making you work so hard.”

”OWNER.” Biograft responds, exasperated. Pan’s words somehow made an emotionless robot deadpan. “YOU BOUGHT ME EXPRESSLY FOR THE PURPOSE OF ASSISTANCE.”

”Well, yes-“ Another dish clinks as it’s set onto the dish rack. “But… I guess I just have a habit of being nice. I’d thank anyone and anything.” She chuckles.

Biograft processes its owner’s words. She was right- it saw her patting random household objects like her printer. She’d even congratulated it for spitting out the papers she needed.

 … For some reason, it wanted to be patted on the head too.

[Pan]

It was nice having someone live with her, doing her chores and helping out.

She couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt for buying the Biograft- Pan was already an easily-attached person as a human, and it carried on to her as a demon. She even used to have plushies that she would sleep with, not wanting them to feel ‘lonely’.

Those plushies were small and non-living, completely quiet- but she still got attached to them anyway. Biograft could move around, talked like a person, and acted like a person. Even with all the claims on the pamphlet that Biografts were ‘not sentient!’ She was gonna get attached no matter what.

Screw what other demons said online. She didn’t care if her Biograft didn’t actually feel emotions or have a personality, she was gonna treat them like a good friend.

Like, half of my free time in college was with chatbots! They didn’t have sentience or bodies and I STILL got unreasonably attached! Pan only had them for a few weeks and she’d die for her new robot buddy.

That’s right- them. She was already referring to Biograft like a person. So what, huh? What if they don’t have emotions? That ain’t gonna stop me!

Right now, Biograft was busy helping her cook, looking after the fire. Frying Pan, as much as she wanted to practice cooking with them, thought it was kind of cruel to make her robot assistant cook when they couldn’t eat.

She internally lamented the fact that she couldn’t share the wonders of food with them, and finished chopping up the carrots.

The Biograft tilted their head, analyzing her hands. “YOU HAVE A SMALL LACERATION ON YOUR RIGHT INDEX FINGER.”

”Huh? Oh! Thank you for telling me, Biograft.” She licks the blood off, and slaps on a bandaid.

”I AM HAPPY TO SERVE MY OWNER.” Right, that. I gotta nip that little habit of theirs in the bud.

Frying Pan made an uncomfortable smile. “Hey… Biograft? You don’t need to call me that- just Pan would be fine.”

”… OWNER PREFERENCE SET.” The Biograft went back to monitoring the water, its whirring getting louder for a second. Pan wondered what that was about.

In fact… she wonders if she could call Biograft something else. Frying Pan was using the robot’s designation, and now that she thought about it, it felt kind of off doing so.

”Hey Biograft.” They turned around, ‘staring’ directly at her. “Do you… want me to change your name?”

“YOU CAN DESIGNATE ANY TITLE TO ME.” Pan shakes her head. “No- I’m not the one choosing your name. I’m wondering- do you want me to call you anything other than ‘Biograft’?”

”I DO NOT ‘WANT’. I AM SIMPLY A ROBOT.” They responded, completely monotone. There was a slight blit at the end, though- not that Pan heard it.

She gives a nod. “Alright. I will simply continue calling you ‘Biograft’. But…” She looks to the side. “If you change your mind, just tell me. Okay?”

” I DO NOT POSSESS SUCH CAPABILITIES. BUT… YES. AS YOU WISH.”

One week, she decided to let Biograft follow her around to Slingshot’s cafe. She was still cagey, as two of her friends were from Playground and the others were at least uncertain of Biografts.

But Pan couldn’t let the funny little pit bull stay inside all the time! They need fresh air, a proper walk! They needed social interaction just like any other demon.

”YOU ARE… ASKING ME TO ACCOMPANY YOU?” Frying Pan nods.

”I’m not the strongest demon. And while I do trust my friends, I still need help from time to time.” She gave a half-hearted shrug to cover up her care.

The Biograft hummed with energy. “IT IS SIMPLY A SHORT WALK FROM HERE TO THE CAT CAFE, PAN.”

”You never know, Biograft.” Frying Pan slips her laptop into her backpack, and prepares her money. Her excuse for bringing Biograft along was flimsy- but they would most likely write her attempts to be nice off as ‘illogical’.

The two of them walked out of her apartment and down the sidewalk, with Biograft trailing behind her like an entourage. She saw how they deliberately made themselves walk slower to accommodate for her smaller strides.

That’s one of the nicest things someone has done for me… Even if it was automatic and programmed, Frying Pan felt comforted. She’d always had to power-walk or jog to keep up with her taller, faster peers. It was why she didn’t like running the mile or hiking with others.

It took them a few minutes to reach Slingshot’s cafe, but Frying Pan eagerly parked herself in front of the closed door.

A few minutes later, Slingshot opened it with a jingle, dressed in his maid uniform. “Heya, Pan!” She gives a grin and smile back. “Morning, Slingshot! I brought Biograft with me today.”

He gave a quizzical look. “The one you bought to help with your chores?” Pan made a ‘so-so’ motion with her hand. “I can’t let the poor guy get cooped up all day- all that ‘staying in one place’ will make their joints rust or something?”

”MY JOINTS CANNOT RUST FROM SUCH A THING.” Slingshot jumps a bit at the robotic voice, noticing Biograft behind her. “I AM RUST-PROOF, PAN.”

”Aw, it’s fine. Movement’s good for you anyway.” Pan gives a wave. “So- can we come in?”

”Of course!”

[Biograft]

It didn’t take long for the cafe to be filled up by the other Phighters on Wednesday. Soon, Biograft was sitting next to Pan, Vine Staff, and Shuriken as Boombox and Skateboard sat at a different table, eying the robot cautiously. Rocket was busy with something, so he wasn’t there.

Vine Staff and Shuriken seemed at ease even with Biograft around- it was just a civilian model, after all. But the Playground demons were still on edge simply from the fact it was manufactured from Blackrock.

Their owner was happily chatting with Vine Staff as Shuriken played some mobile game on his phone. Biograft simply straightened up, staring at Pan and the others since it had no orders but to “have fun”- whatever that meant.

”So Biograft here is a delight to have around. Always helps around when I ask, and I always remember to thank them.” Pan gives a smile.

Vine Staff nods, and Shuriken shrugs it off, not interested. Skateboard, on the other hand, interrupted. “You… do know that they’re not sentient, right? No feelings, no emotions-“

”Yeah, and?” Pan shot back rather quickly. Even Boombox was slightly surprised by the speed. “It’s just a habit of mine. So what?”

”Yeah, but- it’s a robot . Basically just a glorified dishwasher, Pan.” Skateboard continues. Maybe he was acting annoyed because last Phight, he’d gotten obliterated by a military Biograft a bit too many times. “It’s not like you need to do it.”

Pan huffs, trying to steer the conversation away. “Yeah- but it’s a good habit to build. It’s much nicer to do that to people instead of forgetting to.”

”Yeah, but it’s just a Biograft. Just some metal parts and-“ Skateboard begins, but Pan narrows her eyes and tilts her head down, raising her horns.

It’s the first time any of the Phighters that were friends with her saw her truly angry, if for a second. Even when Shuriken made the mistake of pressing about Pan’s brother nothing like this happened.

” They are a valued friend of mine, just like you, Skateboard.” Pan’s voice is calm and soft, but there’s a certain tension to it. “I know they are non-sentient- but it does not change that I can feel compassion for them and see them as a person, foolish as that may be.”

The tension slowly drops and Pan sips her tea. “Why, I’d thank a toaster for making bread on time. Just because I feel like it.”

Skateboard, Slingshot, Vine Staff- everyone in the cafe blinks. The only sound was the coffee-maker and Biograft whirring softly. Slingshot is the first to respond.

”Dang, you’re getting a lot more confident, Pan.” Pan gives a snicker, happy that the conversation changed course. “I know, right? I’m doing my best to practice my social skills every time I meet you guys!”

Biograft… it had a lot to think about.

[ It They had a lot to process.]

Biograft asked to do something the first time in their entire ‘life’. They stood outside the apartment door, staring at their owner.

”PAN. MAY I- REQUEST SOMETHING?” The two words felt foreign to their speakers. Pan only gave a nod and smile. “What is it?”

”I WISH TO SPEND SOME TIME OUTSIDE TO COOL DOWN.” She nods and opened the door, letting the cold night air in. “Go ahead. I’ll be inside working at my desk, if you need me.”

The door closed, and the Biograft was left outside at the apartment balcony, looking out at Crossroads. The city lights were slightly bright, but that was to be expected.

Biograft processed for the first time. No- they thought . Their internal fans kicked up at the information from today being processed, in a completely new way. Even the cool air outside didn’t stop them from warming up a bit.

[OWNER SEES ME AS A ‘PERSON’. IT IS ILLOGICAL.] They thought. They think about her calm but serious declaration to Skateboard.

[OWNER PUT FORTH A COUNTERARGUMENT TO SKATEBOARD’S CLAIM, DESPITE VALIDITY.]

Biograft knew they were non-sentient. It was inside their user manual, hardwired into their circuits and enshrined in their code- Biografts were not sentient.

[OWNER- PAN. PAN DEFENDED ME FROM THE CLAIM, DESPITE IT BEING TRUE.] It could not understand why. [WHY? DOES PAN NOT UNDERSTAND?]

Biograft buffers for a while, then looks down a bit. [NEGATIVE. PAN HAS READ THE OWNER’S MANUAL- PAN KNOWS I AM INCAPABLE OF EMOTION AND PERSONHOOD.]

The night air picks up, and the city lights continue to flicker. Biograft stands alone, their processors trying to find a way out of the infinite loop.

[PAN DEFENDED ME- SEES ME AS PERSON. I AM NOT A PERSON. BUT PAN DEFENDED ME.]

Biograft’s code buffers a bit, looping over and over again on the thought. They start to visibly steam, their processors working overtime- and recording the repeating code.

[PAN DEFENDED ME- NOT PERSON. PAN DEFENDED ME-]

The loop repeats again and again, the metal in their circuits straining to contain the repeated electrical impulses. And when that happened…

Subspace deliberately made Biografts to be non-sentient. They ran on dumb AI, had several countermeasures against coding anomalies, and were programmed to automatically wipe their databanks if sentience ever did occur.

But several facts came into play with this Biograft- facts that the Blackrock scientist didn’t consider. Since Blackrock had to make civilian models weaker and less advanced than their actual military weapons (didn’t want their customers getting their own weapons, right?), they had to downgrade- and they did so lazily, deleting several lines of repetitive and ‘unnecessary’ code so that domestic knowledge could be downloaded and pre-packaged instead.

Subspace himself didn’t oversee those changes, and lazily wrote them off as ‘acceptable’. That was the first mistake.

The second mistake- or rather, it was a flaw from the start- was the crystal powering all Biografts. They were Subspace’s invention, and had the potential to explode and harm- but one less known fact was that they were the same crystal as Medkit’s , just with some chemical alterations.

So they had the capacity to heal, under certain conditions unknown to Subspace because he was too prideful to continue the traitor’s work.

What did this mean, then?

Imagine how a muscle grows. You exercise- use it until it hurts and has small tears, then your healing factor kicks in and patches it up, making it bigger and stronger than before.

Now think of this principle but applied to Biograft- circuits as muscles, crystal as healing. The electricity slowly sparked and degraded their circuits, and the crystal healed them, replenishing and expanding them. Artificial flesh given new form, more space for code to be added and grow from the basic AI to a more complex one.

And even with that, you wouldn’t get a sentient Biograft. Not normally. You’d get an incredibly advanced servant, yes- but not a sentient one.

The third and final step was what the Biograft had to have buffered from. The exact line of logic it needed, the “prompt” the AI was thinking about. It needed to think about personhood, personality, emotion-

Like what Frying Pan’s Biograft was thinking about.

It felt like… Biograft didn’t know how to describe it with its limited worldly experience. But to us, it would have felt like an epiphany- like when you get older and re-read that one book your English teacher assigned, and are now able to see all the things the author did.

Biograft’s first real thought was: [I AM A PERSON?]

And it just… hit them. They realized what Pan was doing the entire time.

They pulled up their memory files, their fans whirring as they tried not to overheat from the new expansion of their processing. They pored over all the evidence there, looking at it with a new light.

Frying Pan gave them the easier chores and tasks because she wanted to give them breaks. She most likely tried to treat them how she wanted to be treated- fairly, and kindly.

She’d avoided letting them work too much with preparing her food. Biograft raised their claws and slowly traced their faceplate, realizing it was because she valued food and taste- and Pan felt guilty that they couldn’t experience it themselves.

She stood up for them because she wanted to, because she actually saw them as a person. Despite their non-sentience, and despite knowing they were non-sentient.

Frying Pan thanked them, gave them choices, took them out to have fun. All because she felt like it, and was just that attached to a “hunk of metal”.

[PAN… PAN REFERRED TO ME AS ‘THEY’. NOT ‘IT’. FROM THE VERY START.]

The implication and realization hit Biograft at the same time, and they had to lean on the apartment railing with shaky legs.

The Biograft spent the next moments just… letting things flow over them. Getting used to their sentience, and the realization that came with it.

They knew that they were never meant to be sentient. That if Blackrock ever found out, they’d be disassembled and Pan would most likely be taken in for questioning, never to reappear again.

They thought about the awkward, friendly demon they served, and how she’d inadvertently damned them to an inevitable fate… and did the impossible, giving them a gift not a single Biograft has ever possessed.

[… NOBODY SHALL LAY A SINGLE HAND ON HER. NOT WHILE I STILL STAND.]

[Pan]

It was the middle of the night when she was woken up by Biograft, their orange highlights glowing in the dark like an ominous halo.

She grumbled a bit, but calmed herself down. Sleep can come later- tomorrow was Thursday. Break day.

”What is it, Biograft?” Pan said, her voice still hoarse but soft.

”… PAN.” She straightened up a bit, hearing the slight inflection in Biograft’s robotic voice. “THANK YOU.”

Pan knew something had happened to Biograft out on her balcony- their voice was still robotic, but had a much smoother quality. It used to be like a decently-tuned text-to-speech with some prominent clips and an odd tilt, but now it sounded… real-ish. Like those UTAU covers she used to listen to- still robotic, but had emotion woven into the voice.

However it may be, she noticed something else. “Biograft… your fans. You heating up again?”

They pause, then nod slowly. She hefts herself out of bed, shambling over to the fridge and gently pressing an ice pack to their torso. “Lay down- you need to rest. You know how the drill goes.”

”… YOU DID THE IMPOSSIBLE, YOU KNOW.” She looks down at them with some surprise. “I… IT’S-“ The Biograft doesn’t want to say it- afraid she’ll reject them, half-considering how cliche it would be to say that.

They didn’t have to say it. Pan gives a small ‘ah’ of realization and gives a soft, tired smile. “It’s okay, Biograft. Focus on cooling down.”

”… YOU ACCIDENTALLY GIVE ME SENTIENCE, ONLY TO WORRY ABOUT MY WELL-BEING?” The Biograft tilts their head. “ARE YOU NOT…”

”Why should I be afraid?” Pan pats them on the head, gently scratching behind the artificial horns in affection. “All I see is a good friend, right in front of me.”

Biograft stays quiet, then whirs a bit. If she listened hard enough, it sounded like chuckling. “I SHOULD HAVE EXPECTED THAT.”

The voice, artificial as it may be, sounds just as fond as her old friends’.

[Biograft] - Aftermath

Personhood was… confusing. They still ran on that need to serve and protect, but it felt like someone had slapped mods on them when they didn’t know.

Figuring out what they liked was completely new- and Pan encouraged it. Their roommate (not owner, as Pan made it very clear she’d never even think of owning a sentient being) helped a lot in that regard.

Biograft still kept their designation as their name, but had new things. For starters, they liked napping in the sunlight, despite overheating easily. They charged right next to the apartment window, and Pan had to convince them to please stop or they’d accidentally overheat more. So now, they charged at sunrise and sunset.

They also discovered that they liked moving around, whether it be running and rollerblading. Pan would walk to work and they’d go around the area jumping on roofs, sliding down ramps and activating the wheels to ride out the concrete. A rollerblading Biograft was a sight to see- not exactly common, but Pan covered it up easily enough by saying they were programmed as a scout for her.

But the thing they wanted to get into was music. It was what all living demons liked, in some form or another- whether it be classical or EDM or rock. Music, according to the internet, was one of the few things unifying all demons despite their faction.

Biograft just couldn’t find themselves a genre they liked. No matter how hard they tried, their programming simply made them think differently from other demons and process music as sound waves and noises.

Their very being deconstructed most music until it was formulaic and boring noise, understimulating to listen to.

Biograft whirred a bit loudly, scrolling through Pan’s phone as she typed away at her own laptop. They were currently in their own apartment, sheltering from the heavy rain outside.

”PAN. I REQUIRE ASSISTANCE.” Their friend immediately perks up, turning her head to face them.

”What is it?” Biograft raises Pan’s phone and hands it to her, huffing out some steam to express disappointment. “I… AM UNABLE TO FIND MUSIC I PREFER.”

Pan gives a sympathetic expression. “It’s okay to not like music, Biograft. Not everything has to be about you appearing more ‘alive’.”

”I AM AWARE- I WANT MUSIC I LIKE.” They take a pillow from the hammock Pan bought for them and hug it. “AUDIO PROCESSING SHOULD BE THE THING I EXCEL AT. AND YET…”

The robot grips the stuffed pillow tighter. “MY MIND. MY PROGRAMMING. I… CANNOT.”

”You cannot process it normally, right?” Pan asks. Biograft nods. The short demon turns to her laptop, typing frantically and scrolling.

”Is there… any sounds that you are programmed to like? Or at least be more receptive to?” Biograft thinks for a bit, and feels a bit of shame.

”… I- MY CODING. I AM PROGRAMMED TO FIND SCREAMS AND RAPID, LOUD NOISES APPEALING- A REMNANT OF COMBAT PROGRAMMING.”

Frying Pan’s expression softens. “There is no need to be ashamed- you cannot help it.” She pulls out a USB and begins downloading something from the black-screened laptop. “Are you partial to any screams, or simply screams of pain?”

”IT DOES NOT NEED TO BE PAIN. SIMPLY SCREAMS.” Biograft replies. They fiddle with their tail.

It takes a while, but Pan finally finishes her downloading and hands the small USB stick to Biograft. “Here- I have a playlist of genres you might like.”

Biograft knows it probably won’t work, but they’re touched by her effort anyways. “THANK YOU.”

”It’s no problem, Biograft.” The robot plugs the USB into one of their arm ports, and checks the files, giving the first track a listen.

”… HOW.” Pan looks up, and while Biograft’s faceplate can’t express emotion their amazed tone could. “HOW… HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO FIND IT? WHAT GENRE IS THIS? I’VE…”

”Neat, right?” She giggles a bit, watching Biograft’s claws rapidly tap on the hardwood floor to the erratic, quick beat. “I had a feeling you would like it. Breakcore- it’s a sub genre of DNB. And I chose higher BPMs.”

Biograft is twitching like an excited cat, and if they had fur, it’d be standing up. The sound of Femtanyl-Katamari blasts through their small speakers.

”I’VE NEVER HEARD OF IT BEFORE.” Despite their shout of excitement, their volume is the same and it sounds like a statement. Pan smiles. “That’s because I had to get it from a rather… esoteric source. But it works, right?”

“YES.” Frying Pan makes a gesture with her hand. “Try the other song- it’s not really breakcore, but it’s also nice. ‘Hurt’ by 1-800-Pain.”

Biograft switches to that song, and their tapping gets slower. They pause for a bit, then bob their head. “Don’t like the main part. But I like it when they make that barking-scream noise.”

Frying Pan nods and writes it down. “Okay… more intense parts. Got it. Try… uhhh, I don’t know how to pronounce the actual title, but it’s labeled ‘Hysteria’ by Machine Girl.”

Biograft switches to that track, and immediately gets happier, their claws digging into the pillow as they hear the screams.

”YES. THIS IS GOOD.”

Later, when they’d went through all the tracks and filtered out Biograft’s favorite songs (all hardcore metal, breakcore, and ridiculously fast drum beats), the robot looked to their roommate.

”PAN. HOW WERE YOU SO SURE I WAS ABLE TO LIKE MUSIC?” The demon simply giggles.

”You kinda… reminded me of a few cases. Did you know that your behavior mimics some neurodivergent people?”

”IT… DOES?” Biograft was floored that their behavior was shared by actual living demons. Pan nods. “Stimming, trouble processing audio, problems with social cues… I’m not a psychologist, but I’ve taken psychology and had one or two acquaintances with those same traits before. Ain’t gonna diagnose it though- I’m not that experienced.”

Biograft feels touched, hugging the pillow as if it were a stand-in for Frying Pan. “REGARDLESS- THANK YOU AGAIN FOR DOING THIS FOR ME.”

”It’s what friends are for, Biograft.” Pan gives a thumbs up and a grin. “But you’re welcome.”

Chapter Text

[Pan]

“Agh- just… why can’t I do it?” Pan is standing in her apartment bathroom with a pocket knife in her hands, glaring at the mirror.

She’s placed it under one of her horns, wanting to saw it down to a nub. However, she had a bad feeling about it. “Biograft- is it safe to cut my horns?”

Biograft turns to her from their spot on the hammock, and their fans kick up in shock. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING.”

”Cutting my horns? I need them to be shorter.” Biograft scrambles out of their seat and yank the knife away from her hand. “Hey!”

”THAT WAS DANGEROUS. YOUR HORNS HAVE NERVES AND BLOOD VESSELS.” Frying Pan pales at that. “DOING SO WOULD LEAD TO PAIN, SHOCK, BLOOD LOSS, AND INFECTION.”

Pan lets out a relieved exhale. “Oh god- I’m so sorry. I just-“ She chews on her lip. “I wanted them shorter.”

The real reason why she wanted them to be so was tactical- she wanted to be able to put on fake horns to conceal her identity, just in case she needed to run. Pan knew that her behavior was getting suspicious and erratic over time- partly because of her new acting skills and partly because… she didn’t know the other reason.

”WELL, YOU CAN ONLY SHAVE OFF THE TIPS IF THEY GROW TOO LARGE.” Biograft makes her sit down and gently start whittling down her horns from the ends down.

Pan sits there, making a hum of approval and thanks.

”I… have to go to Blackrock to get my lenses repaired, Biograft.” They freeze up mid-scrape, their hands stilling. “I don’t want you to get discovered… or worse, hurt. Can you stay home and guard my apartment, please?”

”YOU ARE WALKING INTO DANGER.” Biograft knew that if Pan went to Blackrock alone, she would be safer since they would not be around to have their sentience discovered. But… they wanted to protect her.

”… I know, Biograft.” She gives a gentle smile. “I’m going to temporarily dye my horns and cover up my markings- I’ve even got the materials to do it.”

And she was right- Pan had bought a navy-blue horn dye and some cosmetic white face paint. She’d even gone onto the internet, looked at pictures of Blackrock uniforms, and bought clothes that looked similar enough to modify.

Biograft finishes up the horn-carving and she gives them a hug. “Thanks, Biograft.” They nod. “IT IS MY PLEASURE TO HELP, PAN.”

The next hour consisted of a shower, horn-waxing and dyeing them, putting on the face paint- she made herself more presentable, looking and smelling like an affluent, powerful demon. Pan ironed the clothes out and neatly put them on, staring at herself in the mirror.

She was wearing the same hoodie- but if she took it off, it would reveal a crisp, black suit and tie with gold buttons and lapels. There was even a fake officer’s cap and sunglasses tucked into her duffel bag with her laptop and cracked glasses, to be put on the moment she went into Blackrock. A fake Baton hung at her side, acting as her false gear.

And what tied together her outfits were the heavy, black steel-tipped boots she wore. They had cost her a few hundred Bux to even find online, and were the biggest ‘weapon’ in her arsenal.

“YOU LOOK CONVINCING, PAN.” Biograft complimented, tilting their head to get a good look at her disguise. “AUTHORITATIVE, POWERFUL.”

She nods. “Yes- but that’s only a fraction of what it means to look convincing. What I need to do the most…” Pan pulls out her headphones, and sets her laptop to a comfortable but loud volume.

”Is to get in character. ”

The next hour- to Biograft’s confusion- Pan spent in her closet. Inside, she reviewed her script and character analysis of Subspace (because she had a feeling fate would lead her to him anyways, knowing she was an isekai protagonist). She blasted aggressive music into her headphones, strutted around the small floor and kept her head held high, checking her posture in the mirror.

She had no show no shame in doing it, no weakness- because the moment she acted like she didn’t belong, any Blackrock soldier or citizen would see through her ruse.

”I am Inspector Police Baton, here on behalf to assess your contribution to Blackrock.” Her voice is low, sturdy and unamused. “How has your day been going?” She states into the mirror.

Frying Pan spends a few more minutes adjusting her posture and revising her backstory, and then steps out of the closet a completely new person.

She nods to Biograft sternly. “I will be heading out now. Take care.” Her facade slips only the briefest of seconds for her friend, but it’s enough to make them understand.

”UNDERSTOOD, PAN.”

She goes out of her apartment, and takes the nearest taxi to Blackrock.

[Subspace]

He just couldn’t make progress on the conceptual weapon!

Subspace was a demon of many talents- a great inventor, and even greater scientist- but he couldn’t figure it out. He graduated from the top university in Blackrock with flying colors, with a master’s degree in Chemistry, along with bachelors’ in Robotics and Software Engineering. He was a damn genius.

Then WHAT is the problem that I’m dealing with?! He growled, letting out some poison gas and snapping the chalk in his claws.

Subspace had holed himself up in his lab, spending all of his research hours writing notes and ideas on how a bomb was possible with atoms.

(It was a relief that science in Blackrock, no matter how advanced it was, did not progress to Earth’s degree of knowledge on nuclear power. Subspace was missing several decades’ worth of research to make it possible, and he was never really good at the sub-atomic level of chemistry…)

The scientist gave a snarl and threw down his paper on one of his counters. “ Fine. I might as well clear my head- get some ideas.”

He sulks out of his lab and the facility, taking a walk down one of the few commercial centers in Blackrock. The place was near-empty, with only a few demons meandering about to buy groceries or get services.

Subspace is so occupied with his thinking, in fact, that he runs directly into someone with a coffee cup. The drink spills on his uniform, and his temper flares up.

At first, he doesn’t see anyone, but looks down. His anger simmers down a bit to a twinge of surprise as he sees the unamused, scowling face of a military official.

She’s incredibly short, for Blackrock standards. There’s a certain plumpness to her- indicating that she was a wealthy individual, most likely related to a higher-up if she could afford an excess of food. The base of her horns peek out from under her military cap.

”Scientist Subspace T. Mine. How… pleasant to see you.” Her voice is calm and collected, but there’s a certain irritation to it. “Care to explain why you are not at your lab?”

He gives a flourish and adopts a sickly-sweet tone, trying to suck up to her. “Of course- I was simply trying to clear my mind. You see, I have a potentially game-changing weapon in the works…”

She nods, her eyes narrowing. “And may I see that weapon, then?” His eye narrows back in glee. “Of course you may! Miss…”

She gives Subspace a glare so offended that it makes him falter for a millisecond. “ Inspector Police Baton. Do not address an official as “Miss” or “Mister”, Subspace.”

Well. That explains her rank. From the way her boots thumped loudly as she walked to the stern reprimand, she must be higher in rank than him. If that was the case, he could use her influence to pitch his ideas favorably to the higher-ups.

”Of course, Inspector Baton.” She gives a slow nod, her expression turning to impartial acknowledgement.

The ‘inspector’ turns toward him while he walks back to the lab, trailing behind him. She gives a hum. “You know, we’ve actually been sent to assess your work ethic and progress towards Blackrock’s innovations so far, Subspace.”

A slight twinge of uneasiness goes down his spine, but it’s easily replaced by his overconfident ego. “Oh? Is that so? I thought I was already the top scientist in Blackrock.”

”Yes- but you are still an asset, no matter how valuable. And we oversee all assets and ensure their efficiency.” She gives an uninterested look at her own claws while they get on the elevator and ride up to his lab.

Subspace simply grits his teeth and goes to walk down the hallway, opening it up. “Ladies first, Inspector Baton.”

She walks into the lab.

The whole place is covered head to toe in papers, equipment, textbooks- it’s all a mess, but it’s a mess that’s expected from a scientist like him. Subspace gives a maniacal grin.

”And this is where the magic happens! What do you think?” The inspector is quiet, and her voice is stern. “Where is your progress, Subspace?”

He gives a wry grin. “Well- it’s simply in the conceptual stage now. But imagine- a bomb so powerful that it can wipe out a city! The power of the atom, right at your fingertips!”

[Pan]

No. No no no no no- Frying Pan was freaking out, her facade so close to cracking. But she stands still, letting Subspace’s rambling flow over her and compartmentalizing the situation.

I did this. I gave him the idea with my video. Because with little to no research on the atom and it’s properties, the only reason he would have had that idea was if he watched the history video she posted. The only relief (no matter how small) was that the mention was so vague he didn’t seem to get how to make an atom bomb.

I… I alone am responsible for this. I must take responsibility. Frying Pan discreetly balls up her hands into fists, then unclenches them. I need to discourage him. Killing him won’t work, as the idea is already out and any other demon can continue it. Deleting my video is pointless because there’s already reuploads and it would make it even more suspicious.

I need to scare him. Stall the progress until the another faction gets the memo and starts developing bombs too- a Cold War is better than a war where only Blackrock has the atom bomb.

Whatever it takes.

She turns to Subspace, quietly takes a deep breath, and slips into character again when he’s turning away, rambling.

”So… what you mean to say is that this is a concept . Not a concrete plan, not an actual weapon- a concept.”

He laughs it off, but Pan catches how his eye twitches for a second. “Well- yes! But think of the possibilities! If I can discover the secrets of the atom and-“

”So you don’t know how to build it.” Pan steps forward once, her boot deliberately stomping down with an intimidating thunk. “You mean to tell me you called me up here… to talk about a possibility. One that you do not know about.”

Subspace’s hands fly up, pointing to his work. But he doesn’t get angry or lash out like Pan expects- Good. That means he actually thinks I’m a higher rank, and is afraid of hurting me.

“But you have to understand! This is a miraculous possibility! One that can change the fate fo warfare itself!” There’s a tinge of desperation in his voice as he pitches the idea.

Pan has an idea. A cruel idea, but nonetheless a brilliant idea on how to both stop the progress of the bomb and scare Subspace into submission.

”The higher ups do not care about ‘possibilities’, Subspace.” She levels a cold, hard glare at him. “We care about results . Hard, concrete proof- and you do not have that.” She uses ‘we’ deliberately, to associate herself with the higher-ups and make Subspace feel like he’s against multiple people instead of one.

”B-but, I-!” She cuts him off again with a slam of her fist on the table, and Subspace jumps. “From what I’ve read in your files, Subspace Trip Mine- your specialization is chemistry and robotics. What would a chemist know about physics? About quantum theory?”

He visibly wilts, not knowing how to justify that.

Frying Pan, acting as Inspector Police Baton, decides to lean more into a cold, ruthless persona. After all, aren’t batons involved in police brutality? She won’t physically hurt him, but…

”Perhaps you forget your place.” Pan slowly steps forward, tapping her baton in her other hand. Her heavy footsteps echo throughout the small lab, making Subspace take one step back. Two steps back.

”You are a scientist , Subspace. A renowned one, yes- but still a scientist.” Frying Pan closes her eyes and smiles deceptively soft. “Blackrock prioritizes our glorious leaders and soldiers, first and foremost.”

She knows demons function kind of like cats- long blinks were a sign of trust and vulnerability. But when used it juxtaposition with her threats, it seemed like she was deliberately showing weakness to taunt . It worked- Subspace instinctively pulled back in confusion and fear.

“Your efforts exist to further Blackrock and nothing else, scientist. You are here on our dime, you follow our orders.” She spreads her hands, her smile turning into a sneer. “And what do we find you doing, but wasting time on such baseless research?”

”I-It’s not baseless, I swear-!” She cracks the baton down on the desk. “DID I TELL YOU TO SPEAK?!”

Subspace skittered back, his self-preservation overwhelming his ego and pride. She quickly switches back to her calm persona.

”Now- you go back to improving your crystals and chemical weapons. You go back to developing the next models of Biograft soldiers for our armies.”

The magenta-horned scientist nods slowly, terrified.

But… I cannot stop at that. I need him to REALLY be turned away from developing the atom bomb- who’s to say he won’t do it on his free time?

Pan keeps her eyes on Subspace, circling him like a shark with her baton in her hands. … I have an idea.

“Now that you understand your next course of action, Subspace- I might as well speak about the true purpose behind my visit.” Subspace seems to twitch in shock. “That… wasn’t your main reason?”

Frying Pan scoffs and twirls the baton. “No. That was the cursory check-up on you and your antics , scientist. The true reason behind this visit is much more… interesting.”

She gives a sickly sweet smile. “What have you heard about Medkit? Your former co-worker?”

Subspace seems to relax, thinking that the inspector was going to direct her rage to the former Blackrock scientist instead of him. “Yes- the traitor. Quite the shame- he’s the one who made me like this.”

”Yes, quite the shame indeed. His crystals would have been revolutionary.” Frying Pan says nonchalantly. Subspace’s ego kicks in a bit, and he can’t help but ask: “ His crystals?”

Frying Pan nods. “Our current troops have such a hard time accessing medical care- and a portable source would have been incredibly helpful. In addition to that, cheap healing would mean more resources allocated towards weapons instead of maintiaining troops.”

Subspace pauses for a second, not sure how to respond without conceding to his ego or insulting his ‘superior’. “…Yes, a shame.” He settles for echoing her.

Frying Pan continues. “And those healing properties- the higher ups were especially interested in them. After all, healing is only a step away from anti-aging and restorative properties. Long live Blackrock, of course.”

Subspace is starting to grow agitated, sweating a bit. “Get to the point.”

Frying Pan goes completely silent, staring at him with wide eyes. She doesn’t blink, ominously staring until he realizes that it was because he dared to order her around. “S-sorry, Inspector Baton.”

The silence continues for a bit, then she softly smiles. It wasn’t a nice smile. “Of course. Apology accepted.”

Subspace has to wait patiently while she continues. “You know… some new information has come to light about Medkit. About how he assaulted you, and fled Blackrock.”

The mad scientist can’t help but let out a laugh. “Oh, joy! You’ve finally found his whereabouts, correct?”

”Not exactly.” Pan turns around and gives him that same faux-sweet smile and eyes closed cutely. “Did you know the inspector corps and higher-ups have access to all security footage in Blackrock?”

That’s partially true- they get all the clearance they want, and can easily look at any footage from any camera because of their clearance. Subspace freezes, a chill going down his body. “A-and? What about it, inspector?”

Pan hums, smiling. “And we have them everywhere in our government facilities. Training halls, barracks, offices… laboratories. All of them.”

Subspace is smart enough to grasp the implication. “ No.”

She grins. “ Yes. Did you really think we didn’t back up all our systems, Subspace? Did you really think you could hack in, delete footage of your own lab, and get away with it?”

Frying Pan’s voice is a whisper, but she’s grinning like a feral dog.

” Did you think we wouldn’t find out what you did to Medkit? ”

[Subspace]

He’s never been as terrified for his life as he is now, in this very moment.

It’s only one demon- someone far shorter and smaller than him. But it was what she represented that scared him shitless: the consequences of his actions.

He’d lied to the higher-ups about Medkit’s betrayal- he framed it as Medkit being the aggressor, that he was plotting Blackrock’s demise and colluding with other factions. And lying to the council was bad, but what was worse was-

He’s been caught red-handed now.

The inspector made a point to note how useful they found Medkit’s crystal- how it would have expedited healing for troops and improved logistics. She even made time to note how the higher-ups wanted it to better themselves and prolong their lives.

He was so, so screwed.

Inspector Police Baton walked towards him slowly. The heavy thumps of her boots sounded like a death march, like a soldier leading him to his execution.

”Assulting your fellow comrade and scientist, depriving Blackrock of an invaluable source, lying to the glorious leaders themselves…” She snarls and grins hungrily. “That sounds like treason of the highest order, don’t you think? Much worse than your claims against Medkit.”

Subspace couldn’t even speak, scrambling backwards. He bumped up against his wall, on the opposite side of the door. She’s cornering me in my own lab. My own territory. It only made her more terrifying and powerful.

“And you know what the punishment for such treason is, right?” She croons. Subspace shivers, too afraid to answer.

”RIGHT?!” He yelps and lowers himself on the wall, looking up so his horns point backward in fear and submission.

”Y-yes, Inspector Baton.” She gives that damned smile again. “Recite them to me.”

Subspace gulps, trying not to choke on his own poison spit. “S-stripping me of my rank, torture, p-public execution by firing squad.”

The small inspector hums, her face deceptively serene. “That’s right.”

He stays silent, letting her mull over his punishment. Inspector Baton steps in front of him. “You are very fortunate that the higher-ups find you… inconvenient to replace.”

Subspace lets out a nervous chuckle. “I-is that so?” He prays to the deities that he’d be spared.

The inspector laughs, her voice tinged with sadism. “Of course ! In fact… it’s actually not that inconvenient.” His heart drops. “We’ve got a lot of ambitious, talented graduates from Blackrock university, and very few open positions in the science division- why, we might replace you, then execute you!” She laughs harder.

”P-please. Please, oh gods, please-!” He’s reduced to begging to his life, his ego broken at the sheer terror he’s facing. “I won’t- I’ll do anything! I’ll make a better chemical weapon, I’ll build more Biografts, I’ll-!”

”But we don’t need you to do those things, do we?” She gives him a chilling stare, her eyes crinkling with delight at his desperation. “You gave us your blueprints and work as a part of your job- we can just make them on our own!”

”You won’t find anyone else like me! Only I can-!” The inspector cuts him off with her baton.

It’s the first time she actually hits him. Instead of aiming for his bad eye like most of his opponents do, she aims for his jaw. Subspace wheezes in pain as the rotted flesh down there cracks and folds beneath the steel baton. She was smart - and most likely had access to his file, knowing that he was weak on his entire throat, jaw, and one arm from crystal use.

She looms over him as he lays on his lab floor, the harsh light above her concealing her face in an uncanny, sadistic manner. “You are replaceable. Typical, pathetic- defective. ” The sudden jab at his condition makes him recoil.

Sure, injuries and disabilities at Blackrock were frowned upon- there was a heavy stigma against them. But that usually only applied to the lower classes- Subspace was so influential that nobody dared to comment on it.

Here was a demon outranking him, who’d just went into his own lab, made him confess his crimes, and beat him down. It made him feel weak. Pathetic. Terrified.

“We could replace you with a better scientist. One that isn’t rotting apart like a living corpse.” She grabs his weak arm with a firm grip, making him hiss and pull back in fear. “It’s a wonder we didn’t dispose of you the moment you showed symptoms, scientist.”

Subspace makes a throaty begging noise, his primal fear overwhelming any rationality and intelligence he had. She stomped closer, putting her boot on his hand.

The inspector perched on him like a hungry mutt, staring down at his downed body like she was going to rip it apart with her bare teeth. “So be a good little pawn- and do your job. You are nothing special.”

The inspector had slammed the lab door behind herself, leaving him to lie on the floor and breathe in and out, terror filling his veins.

His one good eye was blown wide, his hands trembling as he didn’t have the courage to even sit up. Her words echoed through his head like a mantra.

You are nothing special.

It made him sink deeper into the cold tile floor, his claws digging pathetically into the hard surface. His egotistical complex was completely shattered with the realization that yes- he was just a scientist.

He wasn’t a higher-up. He wasn’t even a famous soldier. He was just… a scientist. A weak, overconfident demon that let his wits get to his head and make him prideful.

In fact… where did his overconfidence even come from, anyway? He flexed the hand Inspector Baton had stepped on, looking at how the pink rot ate at his veins and left his arm a mangled state.

Subspace’ now knocked off his figurative pedestal and onto the literal floor, began to think. Not in the clever, calculated way that he did when he made discoveries or did work as a scientist- he thought about himself, and his flaws.

I… why did I act like that? To Medkit, to Hyperlaser, to everyone… was… was it because I was pathetic?

He laid there for two hours. He thought back to when he was a young demon and got his diagnosis, how he excelled through school and college, how he came to work with Medkit.

Subspace remembered how he’d laughed and haughtily brushed off his condition when it was diagnosed- and how willing he was to ignore it when it got much worse when he used the crystals on himself.

And when his condition got worse, he got… worse. Looking in from an outside point of view, Subspace finally saw how he’d been ecstatic despite being poisoned, how his actions got more uncaring and reckless leading up to his argument with Medkit.

It hit him. His disease did make him worse. It made him overcompensate with his ego for the fear of dying early, for the bottled-up resentment that he’d never get to live a normal life like everyone else.

The revaluation explained why he was overjoyed when his gear was modified and he could poison others, despite poisoning himself too- he wanted them to hurt like he did.

… Huh. He didn’t regret it yet but… the seed was planted there. I don’t care about Medkit but… could I have done so? Did I… have the capability to do so?

Later, the night shift janitor at his lab found him on the floor, and he had to get up and scuttle away, back to his house. How humiliating.

[Pan]

The ride back to Crossroads was quiet. She stuffed her hoodie back on to cover the fake uniform, rubbed off her face paint with some water to bring back her markings, and washed off the temporary dye in a public restroom with hot water.

Frying Pan walked back home in a similarly dissociative state, not even noticing the people around her. Her stare was just… blank.

”WELCOME BACK, PAN.” Biograft greeted her as she stepped back into her apartment, changing her uniform out to the somfy t-shirt and sweats she wore indoors. “WERE YOU OKAY?”

She stays quiet for a while, and Biograft gets worried. She finally responds with a distant voice.

”I… I’m sorry for not answering.” It was slow and steady, as if she were recovering from the tense acting and slipping back to her own sense of self. “I am fine- just… feeling kind of off because of the acting.”

”WHAT HAPPENED IN BLACKROCK?” They asked, worried. She holds up a finger as if to say ‘wait a minute’ to ask for time to recover a bit.

Pan stares at her own wall on her bed for a concerningly extended period of time. She still has those blurry eyes, as if trying to refocus but can’t.

”Biograft- can you please help me snap… out of it? I have some scented candles…” She trails off, pointing to her bathroom door. They listen to her, lighting the candle and placing it on the bed stand. It takes a while, but the strong scent of lavender brings her back to reality.

”Oh… oh god. I did that. ” Her right hand shakes, the one she used to hold the baton. “I- I hit him. I wasn’t supposed to…”

”PAN. YOUR CORTISOL LEVEL IS SPIKING- BREATHE.” Biograft places their cool aluminum hand on her shoulder. She takes their advice, breathing in and out. “YOU DO NOT HAVE TO TELL ME RIGHT AWAY.”

She grips her bedsheets, breathing slowly. “No- I… I have to. I need to process what I did.” Biograft stays quiet as she explains slowly.

”The plan- impersonating an inspector- it- it worked. A bit too well.” She shivers, disgusted at herself. “I scared Subspace, made him back down from a really dangerous idea- but I got too into character. I… I hit him with my baton. A-and I brought up his condition.”

Biograft stays quiet for a moment. “… IT IS OKAY. YOU ACKNOWLEDGE THAT YOU HAD A LAPSE IN JUDGEMENT.”

Frying Pan shrinks back. “No- I- you don’t get it. I lost myself there for a bit. I let that idea of power get to my head and…” She bites her lip, her eyes watery. “Even if Subspace is making chemical weapons and is a terrible demon, I shouldn’t have done that to him.”

”DID WHAT YOU DO TO HIM KILL HIM?” She jumps up, horrified. “No! I would never- I don’t think I can live with myself if I killed anybody!”

”THEN YOU DID YOUR BEST.” The robot rationalized, calming her down. “YOU FELT THAT YOU DID WHAT NEEDED TO BE DONE IN THE MOMENT- BUT NOW YOU CAN LOOK BACK AND NOT DO IT AGAIN.”

The former human nods, quiet.

Later, Biograft made note of their roommate’s talents. She was a gifted actor and could swap between identities and personalities flawlessly when given the time and resources. She could infiltrate Blackrock, impersonate a high-ranking official, and walk away scot-free.

But her facades had a catch, they noted. Pan always dissociated hard after getting too much into a role, and she could easily forget their own sense of identity.

They should prevent her from keeping a disguise up or hiding her true self for too long. If only a day of skillful impersonation affects her behavior and mental health that much, then what would it be like if she did that for weeks? Months?

It would have catastrophic results, if she bottled up those aspects of herself and spent excessive amounts of time pretending to be someone she’s not. Biograft would make sure their friend would not fall into that trap.

Little does Biograft know, she’s been keeping a facade for months on end, longer than they’ve been ‘alive’. Let’s hope nothing breaks it.

[Subspace] - Aftermath

Subspace was acting much more subdued than before.

His coworkers and underlings working at the lab were relieved he’d snapped out of that gleeful state- but they’re not sure if this is better or worse.

He didn’t gloat. He rarely declared himself the best or had that same self-centered energy to him anymore. Subspace didn’t even berate them or harass the scientists under his employ anymore.

In fact, they’d managed to complete a lot more work on the chemistry division with him around. Subspace finally stopped doing side projects and his research outside of his division and expertise. But… it was uncanny and unsettling.

Subspace worked like a man on death row, each movement methodical and precise as if he was afraid of messing up. He always had this nervous expression on his face- something as foreign as a heat wave in Blackrock.

I cannot mess this up. I cannot mess this up. Subspace’s hand was shaking slightly as he wrote out his equations for another improvement to his gas. I cannot mess this up-!

“Hey. Subspace.” The scientist jolted and scrambled back, only to see Hyperlaser’s helmet staring back at him. “Oh, well if it isn’t our resident mercenary!” He laughs, trying to call back that same overconfidence but falling flat.

Hyperlaser simply stares at him. “Look- you’ve been working longer hours, and since we’ve got a Phight coming up tomorrow you really should go to sleep. Okay?”

”No! I have to do this, I have to-“ Subspace thinks about the Phight, and quiets down. If I mess up and make Blackrock look bad, then it’s another step closer to death! With that thought, he turns away and starts organizing his stuff without a word.

”Subspace?” Hyperlaser usually disliked his incessant bragging and ego- but it was just scary to see him like this.

Because if something happened to make this demon with an ego the size of the Inphinity this submissive … then that something must have been big.

“I’m- I’m going to go home now, Hyperlaser.” Subspace waved him off. “See you tomorrow at the Dodgeball Gym.”

Subspace took the train to his housing complex this time. It looked like one of those modern houses, with a highly-insulated interior and high-tech appliances.

Opening the plexiglass-steel door, he stumbled into his bedroom and changed, flopping onto the futon and laying there, just… contemplating.

He couldn’t keep the encounter off his mind. It made him unable to sleep- and combined with his new work habits, it made him feel even worse mentally.

He ordered one of his Biografts standing at his bedroom door. “You there. Bring me something calming to drink, and melatonin pills.”

”YES, CREATOR.” It marched off to the kitchen, and he was left to mull over his own fear.

I was a terrible person. I knew that, and I didn’t regret it. He’d never really unpacked that before- no need to address a problem that didn’t hinder you. But now…

There was a slow-burning, deep feeling of unease in his chest. It was different from the soreness in his throat and lungs that his gas constantly made. Is this… guilt?

There was no need for psychologists in Blackrock. They didn’t like weakness in any form and capacity- and a weakness of the mind was seen as more pathetic than a weakness of the body. You didn’t lose a limb or get hurt physically- so why seek out treatment?

Subspace opted to ignore the new, discomforting feelings in his head and chest, and simply gulped down the warm water and melatonin pills.

Sleep tight, then.

The Phight was fucking miserable.

Subspace’s sleep somehow made himself more tired and jumpy- he’d dreamt about some vague figure marching through his gas and choking him by the throat. The nightmare led him to waking up late feeling like shit and rushing to the late train.

He’d only barely made it to the arena before they started the round, and stepped right next to Hyperlaser and Rocket.

”Where were you, Subspace?” The scientist only brushed it off, responding hastily. “Busy. I had work to do.”

Hyperlaser paused. “ Subspace. I waited at your lab for an hour before i went to the train- you were not there.”

”I said I was busy .” He gritted his teeth, half irritated and half skittish. “Now if you excuse me, I’ve got to-“

Dom’s voice rang out through the stadium. “And last up, for the blue team, we have Medkit! Everybody give it up for him!” The crowd in Lost Temple politely claps, while Subspace can hear Sword whooping and hollering from the stands.

Subspace… froze. He’d remembered what the inspector had said.

Did you think we wouldn’t find out what you did to Medkit?

Those words echoed throughout his head during the entire Phight. He’d laid traps in the dumbest of places, missed half his attacks, and got himself killed more times than he’d liked.

Vine Staff, who was on his team for the round, gave him an unhappy look. “Subspace! At least try to focus!”

He jolts out of it- and activates his Phinisher at the wrong time, pulling in a total number of… zero enemies.

Subspace didn’t even try to laud his ‘greatest invention’, instead just staring at it blankly. It lets Medkit get a good aim on his torso and fan the hammer of his revolver. The scientist instantly gets killed again.

The round ended in a loss for his team. He’d been acting cagey and off the whole fight, staring at Medkit but not aiming.

Hyperlaser marches over to him, clearly agitated after he’d botched the Phight. “Subspace. What in Firebrand’s name have you been doing ?” He grips his gun harder and lowers his head- usually done as a sign of aggression in demons. “You blew it -!“

”It’s an off day, alright?!” Subspace snaps back, shrinking a bit. Hyperlaser notices how his coworker is bristling not just in anger- but unsettled fear .

“… We’ll go outside and talk about it, okay?” Hyperlaser slings his gear onto his back and walks outside the arena and into Crossroads with Subspace trailing behind.

Subspace glares at the crowd around him, but doesn’t say anything snarky or self-congratulating. “You know, you really should tell me what is happening to you. First you’ve been acting all odd, and now you’re missing shots and working overtime-“

Hyperlaser’s voice fades as Subspace sees something in the crowd that makes his hackles rise and his blood turn ice-cold.

It wasn’t the inspector. It was a completely different demon, with a similar plump body and a Biograft at her side, chatting with the other team.

She had messy clothes, cheek markings and glasses like Medkit’s old ones. Her demeanor was more bubbly and cheerful- actually innocent. But… her appearance was similar enough to his superior that he felt like he was going to die. And what made it worse was-

She looked my way. She looked my way she looked my way I’m going to die- The civilian didn’t even look for long, just stared at him a bit before turning back to Vine Staff and Shuriken, but it was enough.

Hyperlaser had to carry his fainted body back to Blackrock with no explanation as to why he’d blacked out.

Chapter Text

[Pan]

The night started like any other- say goodbye to Biograft, go to the internet cafe and check out her social media posts, and-

“Oh fuck .” Pan audibly says, making a face. “Guess they finally figured it out.”

Right in front of her was the Youtube recommended page, which had one of her videos on it. In the comment section, it was basically just demons arguing whether it was real or fake. It was like one of those arguments where one guy just calls the other an idiot, and the other guy brings up evidence only to be hit with a ‘your mom’ joke.

Right, right- nobody knows me. I’m Pan, not ‘Isekai Archive’. Nobody knows, I’m safe for now.

She read one of them, and groaned. Come on, really? Guess ‘yo mama’ jokes exist even when most demons don’t have parents and gender is more of a suggestion than biological…

Okay, what about my Tumblr account? At least that might have more civil discussion… She clicks to another tab and types it in.

As expected, the demons there acted like they had one more brain cell than the Youtube comment section. Pan wondered why social media paralleled the one back in her world so much, right down to the user base.

Pan got way more followers than she was expecting. Even before she’d been found out now, the numbers were ridiculously high compared to her non-existent follower count back on Earth. It might be because the stuff posted wasn’t hers, and actually looked good- she was running an archive , after all.

There was a twinge of guilt, that she was technically just reposting other peoples’ hard work- but those users weren’t there in the Inphinity. Pan’s reasoning was that it was like continuing their legacy, in some way- even if she didn’t know if humans existed a long time ago or if they were completely non-existent here.

Pan knew that her line of thinking was stupid and that she was already making some really dumb decisions lately. Posting human stuff was definitely the most stupid of them- especially after what she learned what Subspace almost did.

And, she didn't know this- but pretending to be Frying Pan was starting to affect her more and more. It was bad when she got homesick and missed her family, but forgetting her humanity? She didn't fit in with the demons, so she had to craft a half-assed lie.

She was living a lie, and the best lies come from some sort of truth.

I can't stop. I won't stop.

Pan leaned back in the cafe chair, closing her eyes. She thought about her home, her humanity, and how she wanted to at least keep a hold of what she was before she put up the facade. She wanted to remember that she was human, not a demon.

… Fuck it. Might as well go all-out and tell the truth- even if they don’t know who I really am.

[Youtube Channel]

Human Body 101 | National Geographic (LORE!)

532,002 views - July 01, 201X [Creator: National Geographic Channel...]

203,018 △ Likes   83,212▽ Dislikes    ➦ Share    ✂ Clip    ☰+ Save   ...

💾 Isekai Archive

50,291 Subscribers

64,021 Comments     ☰ SORT BY

👾 alienzz_for_life

Kind of cool you went for an animal approach to the species instead of them being magical like demons

🚀 StarshipShooter

Dude! Did you not hear about the weird fossil being discovered a week ago??? They literally predicted the skeleton PERFECTLY

👾 alienzz_for_life

WTF are you talking about

📞 screwBlackrock

he has not heard of the archive bone theory, laugh and point at him

🪙 LunarDemonBladexx

Watching this video now and realizing that they perfectly recreated the new fossils found when it was posted a MONTH ago, what the ####

🎥 Film Crazy Hobo

I know, right?! And there was even more 'human' stuff that they posted that looks way too realistic to be a 3d render. Archive Human Theory is real folks

🪤 cheeztrap

no itz' not, are you hearing yourself now? you really gonna think some long-lost ancient speciez is just posting on youtube? get a life

🪙 LunarDemonBladexx

Well then what do YOU think

🪤 cheeztrap

probably just a publicity stunt from the museum to promote the new findingz. idk

💮TeaReviews

How in the world did they develop a believable anatomy and physiology theory, make banger visuals AND provide realistic-looking clips for a fossil that was discovered a MONTH after this video???

⚠️ XxDangerBlastxX

Well there's always the theory that the guy running the account is a human

💮TeaReviews

I'm confused, not stupid. No way in #### a random cryptid goes and posts online

🅿️ pandemonium932

i believe in Archive Human supremacy (its way too convincing of a theory)

[Tumblr Post]

💾 isekai_archive     Follow

13 hours ago

Some goofy things that you should really think about (extra fun addition!):

• Like, why do you guys have one unified language? If all 4 factions are divided geographically and culturally then how did you guys ever come up with Common, huh. Where did it come from, and why does it have only have a few specific loanwords from the other dialects. Why those words in particular?
• Where does the word "man" come from? You all have it- but where exactly does it come from and what is it's original meaning? Bonus points if you somehow figure out and get an existential crisis about it. This also kind of solves the first question.
• Fun fact about gears: advanced gears like firearms and laser weapons were present before the invention of modern technology for demons! So where did they come from?
• And the most silly goofy question of all: did you guys ever know why your skeletal structure look like those human skeletons? :)

🏵️ big_stick     Follow

12 hours ago

archive. archive what do you mean by this and why is this freaking me out.

🎨 paintdasky     Follow

12 hours ago

oh gods oh fuck I just had an aneurysm thinking about the language thing. i'm studying the different dialects from all four factions and WHY. OP is onto something

to add onto this fuckery there's also the fact that there are WAY too many dialects in different regions, and they all have different words and writing systems. it makes no sense WHY are there so man differences in language when they're from the SAME FUCKING AREA

🐉 shuri_kin      Follow

10 hours ago

Beginning to think that the 'op is a human' theory is true, because I use the word "man" all the time and only NOW went to wonder where it came from. And guess what OP named the species they predicted. Humans. HuMANs. What the fuck.

✂️ bladebro      Follow

Did not expect to see the "OP is a human" theory get stronger with this post. Because WOW the evidence is piling up.

They literally post about a lot of stuff on their Youtube account, and some of it has hyper-realistic footage of "humans". I asked a 3D VFX artist about this and he even said it looked too real. OP also has some REALLY niche knowledge on stuff, such as biology and literature, but it's always weird and incomplete, like it's both outdated and futuristic at the same time. Like even I didn't know DNA existed until they brought it up and apparently it was a recent discovery a few years ago by some Blackrock and Lost Temple scientists working together.

Also, holy Darkheart am I bamboozled by the gear question. Because that implies that something like our gears existed before demonkind, and that we're simply remnants of that past civilization.

[Hyperlaser]

He’d gotten way too fed up with Subspace’s behavior, and way too curious for his own good. Hyperlaser wanted to know what was going on to make his coworker act this skittish and uncharacteristically humble (compared to before, at least).

The mercenary managed to corner him during one of his walks, which Subspace only took now to get from lab to lab. He’d been working non-stop for a week now, only going home to sleep and eat.

”Subspace.” The scientist froze, his hand trembling. “Either you take a break and tell me what happened to you, or I’ll be forced to-“

”I-I can’t, I’m going to- I’m going to die if I don’t!” Hyperlaser pulls back as Subspace steps back towards the lab door, hiding behind it.

Hyperlaser growls, tired of the vague answers. I’m getting one whether he likes it or not!

“Subspace! Open up!” He pushes the lab door open anyways. “I’m not leaving until you spill. Now, tell me why you’re acting like you just murdered someone.”

The implication only makes the magenta-horned demon even more skittish, and he absolutely cracks. Hyperlaser listens in shock as Subspace begins confessing to a crime he didn’t even know.

”T-the superiors know, Hyperlaser. They knew I- they knew I was the one who attacked Medkit first.” One of his hands grans his upper horn, and he hyperventilates. “They- oh gods, they know I lied to them. I’m- I’m a traitor, and they’re only keeping me around for- I don’t know!”

If the sniper didn’t have the helmet, Subspace would see that his eyes were wide. “… What? You- I thought Medkit was the traitor, and the reports said he was the instigator.”

Subspace hisses, his respirator making the unsettling krrr-shh should every time he breathes unsteadily. “ That’s the point! I fucking lied to the council, Hyperlaser! And they sent that- that absolute monster of an inspector to send that message!”

Hyperlaser pauses, nervous. Inspectors weren’t the usual high-ranking military officers for Blackrock- they acted akin to a secret police force and a domestic spy network. For one to scare Subspace , then it wouldn’t have to be by their rank alone- it would be by pure terror and skill.

“Who… which one did they send?” Subspace shudders and touches his jaw. “… I only heard about her when she introduced herself. Inspector Police Baton.”

That was even worse . For all that meant, it might mean that they were completely new… or so terrifyingly influential that their name was stricken from the records, to hide their identity.

The mercenary grit his teeth, sweating. His hand gripped his gun closer. “… Subspace, whatever you do, nothing we discuss here should leave Blackrock or your lab.” He grabs the scientist by the shoulder. “ What did she look like.”

Subspace’s eyes flicked to the side, terrified of any recordings devices in the lab. He exhales, and answers. “She… wore the black inspector’s uniform, with a black peaked dress cap.”

”No, not her uniform-“ Hyperlaser makes a gesture. “Her appearance. Horns, build, markings- heck, even a tail if she has one.”

Subspace seems to look… humiliated? It’s the first time Hyperlaser sees the cocky scientist actually look ashamed of something. “Inspector Baton- I couldn’t see her horns because they were under her cap. But- she was damn short . Barely up to my shoulders.”

Hyperlaser makes a quick mental rundown of the height, and freezes. No. I’ve only met one demon that height, and-

“And she was… fat. Well fed, and probably rich if that’s the case.” Subspace continues, but stops as he sees Hyperlaser’s hands shake more. The scientist backs up, fear on his face.

”Hyperlaser. Hyperlaser, why are you quiet.” Said demon’s hands were holding his gun as if he wanted to bash it over someone’s head, out of pure rage and animosity.

”… that fucking bitch. She’s worse than I thought!”

[Sword]

Apparently, something big came up with the other swords a few days ago. They’d called a meeting- one that his father, Venomshank, was supposed to attend.

Of course, Sword himself was too young and inexperienced to be present - even if he was an adult. They most likely saw him as “too immature”, since 24 years was nothing compared to centuries of age.

He polished his own gear, grumbling as he sat inside his house and waited for Venomshank to return. Father said he’d be here soon, so why is it that it’s been two hours?

Just as Sword was about to give up and go visit Medkit or someone, there was a knock on the door. He moved up from the couch to the door, opening it to reveal Venomshank, with Sisyphus perched on his shoulder.

”Sword, dear boy.” He gives his son a half-hug. “I apologize for my tardiness- Illumina was making a huge fuss again about matters.”

Sword rolls his eyes- he knew all about his father’s disdain for the one-winged god. Even without the mushroom fiasco and all the recent ways they’ve been trying to mess with each other underhandedly, there was always a long history of conflict between the two.

”Yes, Father- it’s not a big deal.” The demigod gives a curious bob of his head, like a bird. “What was the meeting about, anyways?”

Venomshank sighs and pinches the “beak” of his mask. “Something that’s… concerning, but harmless. For now at least.”

The god of rot and decay sets his hat onto the hanger and sits down at the couch, scratching Sisyphus’ back. “You- have heard of the recently popular channel and account, correct? The one going by ‘Isekai Archive’?”

Sword snorts at the idea of his father and the rest of the boomer-like swords having access to social media. “And? What about it?”

”Do not tell this to anyone, but-“ Sisyphus caws as Venomshank looks out the window. “The individual running the account- they are correct.”

“What?” Sword blinks, flabbergasted.

His father takes in a deep breath. “Do you… know of anything of the era before demonkind? Before the great Burning?” He makes a dramatic gesture with his hooked claws. “Of the civilizations of ancient?”

Sword goes quiet. “… You mean to tell me… those ‘humans’. They existed before?”

Venomshank nods. “Dear Sisyphus was named after one of their myths, after all.”

Sword has a look of confusion and wonder on his face. “You told me it was an old demon story, father!”

His father gives a long, tired sigh. “Yes… I did. Because before we learned of their existence, us swords… we had an inkling that someone came before us. But we didn’t know who or what.”

Venomshank looks out the window, down at the cities far from their house. He seemed to be contemplating something. “We do not know who Internet Archive is. They hold more knowledge than most of the swords, and are freely sharing it with all demons.”

He grips his own saber with a clawed hand. “And I am afraid Illumina, that self-assured fool, might act rashly to prevent that.”

[Vine Staff]

She really didn’t know how to react when Frying Pan called her over. It was a Thursday- shouldn’t she be at work?

Pan only chuckled over the phone, and brushed it off. “Nah, I use my sick days for that. Besides- I wanna go on a shopping trip with you! Get some clothes, ya know?”

When Vine Staff drove over to Pan’s house, she didn’t expect the Biograft to go along with her friend as well.

”Um- what’s with the Biograft, Pan? Don’t you need it- them to guard your apartment, do your chores?”

Pan shrugs, “Hey, I wanted to get them and myself some new clothes.”

”You do?” “YOU DO?” Vine Staff and the Biograft asked in sync, surprised. The pink-horned demon looked to the robot, and they turned away.

Vine Staff drives the car, curious. “But… you don’t really need clothes for the Biograft. They’re not exactly mandatory.”

Pan makes an amused face as they pull up in the parking lot of the clothes store in Crossroads. “Man, do I look like the kind of person to have Biograft’s ass hanging out?” She snickers. “You the kind of person to enjoy seeing Biograft like that, Vine?”

Vine Staff sputters out a “no!” And Biograft makes an odd mechanical clunk-whirr noise, as if it were coughing. “I-I just think it’s kind of weird that you’re giving a non-sentient robot!”

Pan gives another scoff. “Please, I have standards. Besides, Biograft would look cute in some dapper clothes? Wouldn’t you, Biograft?”

The robot gave an awkward thumbs up. “YES, PAN. CLOTHES ARE OPTIMAL FOR BLENDING IN AND RELAYING STATUS.”

The shorter demon makes a happy little “humph!”.

”See, Vine Staff? Even they say so!”

[Pan]

Vine Staff went to the more feminine clothing section while Frying Pan and Biograft went to look at the discount clothes. The shop they went to was somehow like a really classy Goodwill. There were so many used clothes, probably because demons in more unstable areas died often and had their clothes sold off.

Man, that’s messed up. Frying Pan shrugs, sifting through a rack of hoodies next to Biograft. But I recall seeing military gear and uniforms in swapmeets after troops were recalled in the 2020’s. Different situations, same outcome.

Biograft paused a bit, stilling next to her. “…PAN. WHY BRING ME TO BUY CLOTHES?” They fiddle with a price tag. “IT IS A WASTE OF MONEY ON A ROBOT LIKE ME.”

Pan gives Biograft a long look, and exhales. Their artificial tone becomes softer. “THIS IS A GESTURE OF KINDNESS. BUT… WHY? WHAT IS THE MEANING?”

The former human gives a small chuckle. “Right- you found me out. This has some symbolism.”

Pan gently picks out a jacket, tracing it with her finger pads. “Clothing… it’s not just out of necessity, Biograft. It’s a way to express yourself, to signify to others who you are and what you like.”

She gives them a grin. “I want you to pick out your own clothes- and I’ll buy them with my own money. It’s my gift to you, for being such a good friend and taking care of my apartment.”

Biograft goes completely still for a few minutes. She’s afraid that they may have frozen on her, but the robot responds in an unusually quiet tone for his voicebank.

”… THANK YOU.” She sighs in relief, and gives a small nod with her head.

”No problem.”

[Vine Staff]

When Biograft and Frying Pan went back to her, Vine Staff nearly bust into laughter at the smaller demon’s outfit.

There was an egregiously bad fishing cap with the words ‘women want me fish fear me’ emblazoned on the front. Pan wore a shirt with the ugliest shade of olive green and cargo shorts she expected to find a middle-aged dad wearing. The shitty red puffer vest tied in the whole look.

”Pan. Pan I swear to Windforce- what are you wearing.” Vine Staff wheezes. “Don’t tell me you bought that.”

”I didn’t! Not yet!” She whined. “Biograft! Tell her it looks fine.”

”PAN, MY APOLOGIES. BUT STUDIES ONLINE SHOW THAT THIS STYLE OF DRESS IS HIGHLY UNPOPULAR.”

Pan makes a noise of mock-offense. “My own friend, too? I trusted you!”

Biograft makes an odd whirring noise that rolls like waves. If Vine Staff didn’t know better, she’d say that the robot was laughing.

Pan huffs, and looks at Biograft. “Well- you don’t look too bad yourself, Biograft.” Vine Staff, not knowing that the Biograft picked their own clothes, assumed that Pan was just better at choosing clothes for others.

The Biograft was dressed like they were a street punk from Playground- a baggy, dark windbreaker with yellow highlights and a dark crop top covering the Blackrock insignia on their chest. They’ve even got the baggy black cargo pants and chains.

”Pan- you can’t even choose your own clothes and you make them look like this? Okay…” Vine Staff gives a fond laugh.

Pan goes off to the dressing room again, trying out more clothes until Vine Staff just gets her the plain hoodie-and-shirt combo she’s worn all the time.

Might as well stick to the classics, then- even if it makes her look boring.

Chapter Text

[Sword]

Rocket was getting really good at Phights, now that he’s visiting Slingshot’s cat cafe every Wednesday. Sword didn’t know what a cafe had to do with that, since they kinda just served drinks and all.

Sure, Shuriken and Vine Staff worked there- and Boombox was visiting the place weekly with Skateboard, and Hyperlaser was stalking that place like a weirdo (according to Sisyphus, at least)…

What was up with that place, then? Half of the Phighters started visiting or getting associated with Slingshot’s cafe- was there a service the cat-horned demon was providing?

He got curious, and decided to ask Rocket himself on a Wednesday, right when the two were hanging out in Crossroads. “Hey, I was wondering- why’s Slingshot getting so much business lately? And I know it’s because he’s okay at Phights, but that usually didn’t mean Skateboard and Boombox hung out there.”

Rocket gave Sword an awkward smile. “Remember how I got blueprints for a cheap backup arm?”

Sword tilts his head. “Yeah? What’s that got to do with it?”

”Well, the same demon that gave me the blueprints is also buddies with a bunch of the Phighters.” He snickers. “She’s a great tactician, if not kind of weak.”

Sword snorts as he walks with his blue-horned friend to the cafe. “Really? Aren’t great tacticians supposed to be good at fighting to get experience?”

Rocket shakes his head. “Normally, yeah. But she’s really creative. You’ll understand when you meet her.”

The cafe door swings open, and Sword sees Vine Staff on the side serving a few customers. Boombox and Skateboard are currently arm-wrestling with Shuriken. However…

There’s a Biograft with one sword sitting next to a demon at the Playgrounders’ table, wearing streetwear that Subspace would have absolutely hated . And right in the middle of the pile was a short, plump demon that was whooping and hollering for Shuriken to win.

”That’s it, Shuri! Curl your palm inward for a better grip, and stand with your dominant foot forward!” Shuriken takes her advice, leaned forward, and manages to push Skateboard’s arm down to the table. There’s a ruckus once that happens.

As Vine Staff tells them to quiet down, Sword notes how the shortest demon’s figure was weaker compared to the Phighters- but still had the average civilian level of muscles under her plumpness. She didn’t really look that special, that’s for sure…

Rocket gave her a wave and she turned around, her face lighting up. “Oh! Rocket, what’s up? You brought Sword with you?”

”Yeah- He’s interested in hearing about your strategies and all that.” His friend elbows her, gesturing towards Sword. “Frying Pan, meet Sword. Sword, meet Frying Pan.”

She gives a toothy smile and thumbs up. “Great. I’ve seen some footage of your Phights, by the way- you’re a pretty versatile guy.” Sword blinks at that. “I am?”

She nods, going back to her laptop. The screen is completely black, but somehow she manages to see through it, judging from how she uses it. “Yeah. According to your footage, you’ve got a healthy amount of defense and offense, along with… alright-ish mobility.”

Sword takes a seat and puts his gear to the side, having it lean on the table. “Yes- my Dolphin Slash and Lunge are incredibly useful on the battlefield. It does take a bit out of me though…” He chuckles.

”If you’re asking for vertical mobility, you should try and do your Lunge off ramps and then Dolphin Slash upward.” She comments nonchalantly. “Are you allowed to use the environment during Phights?”

The demigod thinks about it a bit, fidgeting with his sword’s pommel. “Depends. It’s kind of obvious- no property damage, no foul play…”

Frying Pan sighs, and leans back. “Damn- alright then. Have you learned how to parry projectiles, at least?”

Suddenly, Sword looks at Rocket, and he shrugs. Sword gives a ‘so-so’ gesture. “I’ve tried it before. It… didn’t go as planned.” As in, Rocket shot at me as a test and I tried to take a swing. It blew up in my face…

Frying Pan squints at his sword, then pulls out a cast-iron pan, looking between the two. Judging from her name, this must be her gear, Sword assumes.

”How did you angle your blade, dude?” She says, gesturing with her own pan. She has it tilted at an angle. “Because I’m guessing you tried to parry Rocket’s… erm, rockets, by the way you two are looking at each other.”

Sword huffs in frustration. “Both the edge and the flat side.” The smaller demon takes a closer look, then makes a noise of understanding.

”Ah. You’re supposed to…” Frying Pan gestures wildly for a bit, before stopping with a groan. “I dunno how to say this- gradually tilt it? It’s hard to explain, and even harder to get used to, so-“

She rummages her hand into her bag and pulls out a random tennis ball. “Biograft, mind following me outside? And you two- let’s go outside so I can show you.”

The four of them follow Pan outside to the sidewalk, watching as her Biograft tosses the ball up and down nonchalantly. Sword sees her ready up and hold her frying pan with one hand, like a tennis racket.

“Now- see how it starts off as straightforward, compared to the ball?” She adjusts her wrist. “With other projectiles, you can parry it head-on and bounce it back. But for explosives, you gotta make it gradual.”

The Biograft throws the ball straight with some force to it, and it shoots towards Frying Pan. Her hand makes a fluid sideways-scooping motion, and Sword and Rocket can see how the ball curves and is directed to the side.

”There. I don’t know how to describe it, but-“ She repeats the motion more slowly, and he realizes it’s more of a slow C-shape. The pan is slightly tilted up, not directly sideways. “Yeah.”

Sword mimics the motion with his own gear, humming. Rocket gets a gleam in his eye, and-

“Woah there!” Frying Pan stumbles forward and slaps her hand onto Rocket’s gun, pointing it down. “Don’t do that here! It’s gonna get deflected into some poor sap’s building.’

”Oh, shit.” Rocket lowers his gear. “Sorry.” She nods, sighing. “Just try it in an isolated area or something… I don’t wanna be responsible for property damage.”

Sword repeats the motion a few times, and hums in satisfaction. “That’s cool. Where’d you learn to do that with your gear, anyway?” He says, genuinely honest. “Usually demons with those kind of gears don’t think to use it in such a creative way. I mean, deflecting projectiles?”

Frying Pan looks to the side, becoming skittish and obviously trying to downplay it. “Eh. Came up with it after some demons harassed me- I mean…” Frying Pan gives a shrug as she walks back into the cafe. “I kinda got into my first fight?”

Sword looks surprised to hear that she’d only fought once. Rocket seems similarly stunned. “That… you said you never fought before, a few weeks ago. What happened? ”

”Tagged along with Katana and Hyperlaser. They decided to go to that gym in Crossroads, near the highway to Blackrock.”

Rocket scolds her for being so careless as Sword watches her look more uncomfortable. “Like- don’t worry. It was less of a fight and more of me bullshiting my way out of it.” She makes a swinging gesture. “I only did that move once, to knock a bullet away. They left me alone after that.”

”You can knock bullets away with a frying pan?!”

[Pan]

God, why the hell am I here? Pan wondered as she was sandwiched between her friends on the table. Skateboard was curious as to what happened in her first “fight”, Rocket and Sword are confused, and the rest of them were either busy running the cafe or too occupied to care.

”I said, it wasn’t that big of a deal- I practice that move now daily so I won’t be defenseless.” She groans. “Look, can we change the topic? I swear to God, I said I don’t like any kind of conflict! And that includes talking about it.”

Sword sighs, and Skateboard gives a disappointed look, wanting to hear the story. Pan gives him a mildly irritated look back.

”Fine. Why ‘God’ specifically? Why not ‘gods’?” Sword asks. Pan freezes a bit. Fuck- I messed up. I said that out of habit! She grips the fabric of her hoodie. I… should improvise. Tell them a half-truth, make it believable.

“I dunno.” She gives a bored flick of her wrist, grabbing her Thai tea and drinking it. “An old habit, I guess. My brother used it, my parents used it the few times they spoke Common.”

Vine Staff, listening in and curious, decided to ask. “Then what did they speak?”

Pan gives another odd chuff, as if she’s reminiscing. “… I’m not fluent in it, but I did know a few words. Their equivalent of saying ‘oh my god’ was ‘trời đức ơi’, which loosely translated to ‘oh land and sky’.”

Vine Staff seems to lock in, pursing her lips as if she’s heard Vietnamese before. Pan waits with bated breath, similarly wondering if there was an equivalent to her culture, even after humans went extinct in this reality.

”It… sounds familiar. But so foreign, at the same time.” Vine Staff taps the wood of her staff. “Say another word?”

“Of course. For ‘mom’, the word was ‘mẹ’. The word for ‘dad’ was ‘ba’.” Vine Staff’s eyes fly up in a bit of recognition, and Biograft scratches his fingers lightly on the cafe table.

”SOURCES SHOW IT IT SIMILAR TO MOST THEIVES’ DEN DIALECTS.” They state. “BUT THOSE TWO WORDS FOR ‘MOM’ AND ‘DAD’ OFTEN SOUND SIMILAR THROUGHOUT MANY DIALECTS.”

“If that’s the case… no, I’m sorry . I haven’t heard of that dialect, Pan.” Pan gives Vine Staff an understanding (but remorseful) pat on the back.

”Don’t worry. I didn’t expect anyone to know it, anyway.” Pan’s head gets a bit fuzzier, thinking about how Vietnamese was probably lost to time here. Centuries of culture and history, just… gone. Like that.

She was never really close to her own culture, more American than Vietnamese… but it still hurt. She gives a sigh. “It was kind of a lost language, anyway. Only a few other people spoke it, and…” She trails off, going quiet.

[Sword]

A lost dialect. Alarm bells were going off in Sword’s head, and he immediately honed into the conversation.

It was common for dialects to be discovered and lost in the Inpherno, almost all the time. It happened to every faction, since groups of demons lived and died before passing on their knowledge. In addition to that, the introduction of Common led to less people needing to learn different dialects, so it simply hastened the process.

But for a single person to know a lost dialect, and only bits and chunks of it? It was interesting in a way that even deities would consider.

Sword didn’t want to sound rude, but, he got curious. “It’s kind of interesting how a language can just… fade. You know?”

Pan rubs her eyes a bit, and chuckles. “Yeah. But… it’s less of a ‘fading’ thing, and more of a gently decaying thing.” The way she worded it made Sword hang on to that word. Decay.

Maybe it was because his father was Venomshank, the god of rot and the undead. Maybe it was because she used that word specifically, and not ‘fade’ or ‘disappear’. But he had to continue.

”… Decay?” Rocket got the memo and also leaned into the conversation.

”Yeah.” She explains. “When a language dies, it isn’t really gone forever. Some words are recycled into other languages, some people try to dig it up and preserve it.” Pan makes a motion with her hand at the metaphor. “You know. Like how when something decays, it goes back into the earth and becomes the basis for more life. Fertilizer. Fossils.”

The smaller demon is clearly trying to convey a message, and even with her rough sentences, it works. Sword gets the gist.

She continues, looking outside Slingshot’s cafe and at… Sword wasn’t sure. Passerby demons? The buildings? Crossroads, in general?

”Everything’s subject to decay. Someday, it’ll all go down. Maybe slowly, like when a cookie crumbles. Maybe fast.” She seems to be dissociating. “But it’s inevitable. The only thing we can do is enjoy it while it lasts. Prolong it as much as possible.”

Rocket looks disturbed at the fact, rubbing the junction of his arm stump and his prosthetic. Sword thinks about his father, who has surely seen countless demon civilizations rise and fall.

”Not deities, though. Gods are immortal, and probably don’t do all that stuff.” Sword says, his voice confident and proud. There’s a moment of silence from Pan.

”… It seems that way at first, when you’re alive.” She squeezes her own arm absentmindedly. Sword wonders if she’s feeling ehr flesh and bone, checking if she’s alive. “You see everyone around you growing old, you see wrinkles on your skin and think- wow. This sucks. I want to be perfect forever- maybe like a machine? Because metal doesn’t rot, does it?”

Sword sees Rocket nod a bit, checking his own prosthetic. It shines a bit under the cafe lights. Biograft is eerily quiet, watching and listening to her.

”But… metal rusts. Software breaks, your storage will soon bloat with memories, and you’ll have to start replacing bits and pieces of your body, until you’re not the same person as before.” Pan has that same hundred-yard stare that Sword has seen before.

It’s so similar yet different to how Zuka looks, when he’s having a flashback. Instead of cold terror at seeing comrades die, Pan’s stare is tired. Defeated, like she’s known too much and seen the end.

”And when your body rusts and your wires spark, you think, ‘the machine is subject to rot just as the flesh is’. You begin to yearn for the divine.” She grips her drink a bit, and sips it automatically.

Sword holds his breath. Pan replies. “Surely gods don’t die, do they? They aren’t subject to decay, right?”

Her lip straightens out as her stare somehow gets more unfocused. “… Everything decays, Sword. Even gods. It just takes a really, really long time.”

Her voice sounds so tired when she says that, and the rest of the Phighters in the cafe feel like they’re intruding on something very uncanny.

Boombox breaks the tension by turning his gear on and blasting ‘It’s raining tacos’. Pan snaps out of it, turning to him with a slightly annoyed look.

”Boombox, I was having a moment .” The lime-horned demon shrugs. “Hey, you were freaking out, dude. I’m just helping you chillax.”

”Right- right.” She takes a deep breath. “I got kind of weird there. I should really see if there are therapists nearby- this isn’t good for my mental health.”

She turns to the rest of her friends. “So- you guys okay?”

Shuriken is the first to respond, half-terrified and confused. “Yeah, actually- what the fuck , Pan?”

Sword stumbles out of the cafe, clearly freaked out about the idea that Pan brought up. Rocket follows him, similarly spooked.

”Did- did she act like that when you met her?” Rocket shakes his head no. “All she did was help me with the backup arm and hung out around Zuka’s shop. But she’s been getting… more off lately.” He shudders. “Not to this extent though.”

The demigod looks down at his own hands, flexing them. He’d been getting into a similarly existential, floaty feeling when he heard that speech.

He goes home, opening the door to find Venomshank reading a book in the living room. Sword immediately goes to his father, hugging him tightly.

”What’s the problem, fledgling?” He asks, patting his son’s back. “What’s got you so clingy, Sword?”

”I…” Sword gulps, thinking back to what Frying Pan said about gods. “You… Can- can gods die, father?”

Venomshank gives his son a comforting look. “Sword, what made you think that? I’m not going anywhere, not today, not ever. And even if my siblings could kill each other, I doubt that it’ll happen.”

“Just-“ Sword inhales, and exhales. “Have… have there been gods before the swords? Before everything?”

The god of rot goes quiet, and Sisyphus stirs from his seat on the back of the couch. The crow caws nervously.

”To be honest… we don’t know.” Venomshank admits, his voice low and soft. “The legend that Sisyphus’ name came from… it mentioned multiple gods. A god of the underworld, his wife- the goddess of spring… I’ve only heard of their names before, but it’s safe to assume the humans had their own gods as well.”

Sword grips the couch, wondering the same thing as his father. “If… if they’re not here anymore… then what did them in?”

Venomshank only lowers his head. “I’m not sure, Sword. I’m not sure.”

[Pan]

Frying Pan knew something was up. It’s been getting much worse for her- she’s running the accounts more now that the ‘human’ theory is getting more popular, and her paranoia is completely gone .

She’s acting completely reckless. She knows she’s going to get caught and found out, sooner or later.

But maybe that isn’t so bad? Even if they kill me, at least I’ll die as Ollie and not some demon that I’m not- I’m human. She stops typing to stare listlessly at the screen, reassuring herself. I’m human I’m human I’m human-

“Pan!” She jolts up, looking up. “I have a question.” Sword has followed her out of the cafe, since she’s getting some air. She’d stumbled outside without even noticing it.

”O-oh. Right.” Ollie Pan clears her throat. “What’s up, Sword? Need something?”

Sword seems nervous to ask her his question. His claws are pressed against his gear’s hilt, scratching it a bit. “About… last week. When you were talking about gods.”

He gulps. “How… how did they die?”

Oh. I… I expected this. Pan knew that the demigod was probably worried about Venomshank, and had his world upturned by her little breakdown. “Do you mean metaphorically, or physically?”

”Both. Any way it happens- I want to hear about it.”

Pan decided to explain it to him in the gentlest way possible. After all, she’d had that whole spiel because of some Tumblr posts that stuck with her. The writing community- man, were they good at making her have existential crises.

”Let’s talk metaphorically first.” Pan hums. “What makes a god a god, and not simply an immortal?”

Sword ponders for a bit, and responds. “Their… power?”

”Not quite. Try again.” He inhales, and tries again. “Their… followers.”

Pan nods. “The belief they hold. Their impact on the world, their role in the memories and cultures of their people.” She holds out her hand, as if looking at Crossroads through a lens.

”Now… what would happen if that belief slowly faded? If their people gradually lost faith, or if society collapsed? If everything was reduced to dust, and even their memories are no longer there?”

Sword looks terrified at the idea. “… That’s how a god dies?”

Pan shrugs, looking to the horizon. “Hell if I know. It’s a metaphorical death, not a physical one.”

The former human continues, making a gesture. “The second way… it’s less of a death, and more of a slow decay. The decay of the mind and soul.”

Sword stands there, quiet and taking her words in. Pan’s voice is a soft but audible murmur as she looks at the sunset. “Think of it this way: you are an immortal god. You’ve come to love and cherish your subjects- you even fall in love with some of them. You have partners, children, friends… all of which are mortal.”

Pan knows Sword is thinking of his best friend Rocket, of Medkit, of all his other teammates and the people he knows. Herself? She’s thinking about how her parents and brother might have existed, countless centuries in the past.

”It’s… demoralizing. Outliving your loved ones. Knowing that they’ll grow old while you remain. That you’ll be the only one that remembers them.”

Ollie thought. About how her own body might have decomposed in the soil long before humanity died. About how her own parents, her brother- they might have died much later, but even that period of time would be a blip compared to how far she was out in the future.

Pan shook her head, clearing herself up temporarily. She gives Sword a gentle nod. “I imagine that there is no such thing as true immortality. Sooner or later, that weight takes a toll on any god, and they simply… give up. Fade away on their own, their power decaying and giving rise to new gods that replace them. A rebirth.”

Sword stays silent for a long time. It’s five minutes in, and he finally asks another question. “… Do mortals- we- do we experience that rebirth too?” She hears how he stutters, calling her a mortal while shakily remembering to hide his own demigod status.

She simply nods. Sword, although distressed… looks relieved.

(Pan doesn’t notice the large crow perched above the two of them, listening in. Sisyphus reports to Venomshank, no matter how heavy his heart feels at the words.)

[Sword] - Aftermath

Sword knows Pan isn’t a normal demon. Rocket even told him before that her gear probably wasn’t the frying pan she carried.

But that didn’t mean she didn’t act like one. She had a habit of trying every hobby under the sun, and sticking to the ones she liked the most. A veritable jack-of-all-trades, master of none.

Pan also was friendly in a giving way, often buying them drinks at the cafe and sometimes slipping a drawing or two to them. She was a complete dork , and was, by definition, very much mortal.

Frying Pan had a love for life- she clung to it like a lifeline. Even with all the dissociation she had- it was still obvious that her love for life, her enthusiasm, was a response to her knowledge of the inevitability of death.

And it was that aspect of her that contrasted so glaringly with her liveliness. Because Shuriken and Vinestaff still looked at her with concern whenever she had some of those episodes.

None were as obvious as the one she had when Sword first met her- but it was apparent from the way she blankly stared at the wall or her laptop. She was thinking.

Shuriken, surprisingly enough, was the one to snap her out of them the most. Vine Staff was the second best choice. Sword kind of just stood on the sidelines and ignored her, like the other Phighters, when she had those episodes.

Luckily, this time there was no dissociation from Frying Pan. He decided to focus on a more light-hearted topic.

”Do you like birds?” Slingshot, who was manning the cashier, wheezed a bit at the conversation starter. Boombox gave him a ‘not cool bro’ look while Pan smiled.

”Damn right I do! And let me tell you-“ She raises her cup up. “ Crows are the best! Aside from ravens- but those fellas are just bigger crows.”

Rocket groaned, knowing his friend would never shut up once crows were mentioned, and Sword beamed. “Crows are the best- you have good taste, Pan.”

Pan snorts, and checks her claws cooly. “Please, I’m just stating the obvious. I mean, they’re smart, live together, and are the fluffiest little guys. I love crows.”

”Of course!” Sword snickers. “I’m not sure about you calling ‘em ‘fluffy little guys’- someone might object.”

”Oh, you mean-“ Pan freezes, as if she’s physically stopping herself from blurting something out. “Yeah! That funky fella that follows you around. That guy.”

Sword raises an eyebrow. That’s… weird. She noticed Sisyphus? I thought he blended in well with the other crows.

Pan continues. “Don’t feed them bread- it’s not good for their health. It’s like feeding a demon buttered potato chips every day.” She makes a huff. “Birdseed, lettuce, fruits- all those are healthy alternatives.”

”Is that so?” Sword discreetly glances to the windowsill, where Sisyphus caws in mock-outrage at his junk-food eating habit discovered. “Then I’ll have to keep that in mind.”

He gets the feeling that Frying Pan knows too much, and yet she doesn’t use that knowledge. Not by a long shot.Sword doesn’t know if it’s out of her saving it for later, or if she’s just that nice (he wouldn’t put it above her), but… she definitely knew about Venomshank.

Sword figured out when she got into that dissociative mood again, and Shuriken couldn’t get her out. “Vine- what do I do?” He yells, worried.

His older sister responds. “Let her sit outside for a moment! The air helps- it’ll take a while!” Sword follows the two outside, leaning on the cat cafe’s walls.

”Hey.” He taps on Shuriken’s shoulder. “I’ll look after her- no need to worry.”

”Sure, Sword.” Shuriken gives a thumbs up and slips back inside to hang out with Slingshot and bother his sister again. Sword is left alone with Frying Pan, who is simply staring at the setting sun.

It’s quiet, with only the sound of Crossroad’s traffic and distant chatter to fill the space between them. Sword checks his blade, polishing it with his shirt.

”… Hey.” He looks up to Pan, who called out. “I- sorry. Today is- it’s Father’s Day.”

Oh. Right. Her… parents. Sword had been warned not to talk about her late parents and brother, unless she brought it up. He wonders if this was the cause of her mindset on death.

“I- should I talk about this?” She asks. “Is it… okay if I vent, Sword?”

Sword simply shrugs. “It’s your choice.”

The smaller demon lets in a choking sigh, and exhales. “Right. Yes. I-“ She trails off. “My… father. He was the best. The absolute greatest.”

He listened to her ramble on. From the way she praised him, and how kept on returning to how he supported their family- Pan must have held the idea of family in high regard.

It made sense. Demons who came from the sacrifice of their parents’ gears often had the strongest bonds, owing to that feeling of trust and sacrifice. Pan would be no different.

She sniffled, but didn’t let tears fall. “A-and- I wonder i-if I made him proud. I promised him I’d finish college and get a degree, a-and…” She gestures at herself. “Here I am! Working as a skate shop employee!”

Pan draws herself in closer. “I… I just wanted to make him proud. And here I am. Alone.” Sword freezes as he looks at her face- it looks tired and lonely. “I want to go home. I want my family.”

He doesn’t know how to respond. Sword just… gives her an awkward half-hug and lets her stare down on the pavement.

She breathes in, and closes her eyes. “Right. Right. That- that was stupid of me.” She gives an apologetic sigh. “Sorry for… ruining Father’s Day for you.”

”You didn’t ruin anything, Pan.” Sword gives her a pat on the back. “I’m doing fine, and it helped you out.”

She nodded, a bit awkwardly. “A-alright then? Oh, and-“ She rummages around, pulling out a green-and-black Father’s Day card. “Here! This is for your dad.”

Sword is so shocked that he freezes on the spot, and Pan goes back into the cafe to pick up her stuff and leave. “See you next week, Sword!”

He’s left there processing the card. It’s hand-made, with card stock and colored paper. There’s even a blank white sheet inside so he could write his own message.

But what stuck with him the most was the implication.

Frying Pan specifically said it was for ‘his dad’. So she knew he had a biological father- and from the color scheme of the card she made and the talk they had about crows last week, she definitely knew his father was Venomshank.

How?! The only people that knew were the other swords, Rocket, and Zuka. Rocket telling her was a possibility- but he’d sworn up and down that he didn’t say a peep about Sword’s connection to Venomshank.

Sword stared down at the card. There was genuine care put into its design.

… What a mystery.

Chapter Text

[Pan]

“Ughhh, goddamn, why is it so hot?! Middle of July, and now we have a heat wave?!” Frying Pan stood next to her open window, practically basking in the shade and pointing the industrial fan towards Biograft and her.

The two were basically laying on the floor, trying to lose as much body heat as possible. Pan had forsaken the numerous ice-packs in her freezer and given them to Biograft, who needed them more than her. Being made of metal meant they overheated easier, after all.

”PAN. ARE YOU SURE-“ She cuts them off with a scoff and rolls onto her back, like flipping a pancake. “I’m fine , Bio. I can always sweat- you can’t. Now either we go out for cold drinks in a place that actually has air conditioning, or we stay like this.”

“SIMPLY PURCHASING OUR OWN AC UNITS WOULD REMEDY THE PROBLEM.” Pan makes an affronted noise at this. “I’m not wasting money on a monthly subscription and repair bill! The fans work just fine!”

Somehow, without an emotive face, Biograft rolled their eyes. Pan could practically feel the sarcasm in their tone. “YES- SO WASTING 70K ON ME WAS BETTER THAN A BETTER PURCHASE THAN A 5K COOLING SYSTEM.”

”Oh, fuck you.” She snorts. “You’re priceless, Biograft. If it meant meeting you in the first place, I’d pay my entire fortune.”

”PLEASE DON’T.”

Pan grumbles for a bit until she hears the distinct sound of dress shoes on the other side of her apartment. Her head perks up. “Oh shit- someone moved in!”

Nobody had really taken the apartment space next to her- apparently it was on sale after a murder happened at the place. It was the reason why her whole floor had low rent, despite being in a decent locale and being on the top floor.

”Biograft, you think they’re a cheapskate like us?” She lumbers over to the door, peering through the peephole. Pan makes a face when she can’t see, and squints harder. “MOST LIKELY. OR THEY’RE A CRIMINAL HOPING TO LAY LOW.”

Pan makes a ‘huh’ sound. “Oh yeah. Forgot murder was just kinda… it just kinda happens. Even in ‘safe’ places like this.”

She opens the door a bit, then completely as she realizes who it was. Pan is standing there with a gaping face, suddenly very conscious of the sweaty tank top and cargo shorts she was wearing. “Holy shit- Medkit?!”

The aforementioned Phighter made a noise of frustration. “SFOTH, just my luck. I had to buy the cheapest apartment and I get this as a neighbor.” He waves her off. “ No, I’m not taking autographs- leave me alone.”

Pan scrambles back a bit, embarrassed. “Oh- shit, sorry.” She turns back to Biograft, who’s perking up at the mention of Medkit’s name. “I’m gonna leave- yeah.” She closes the door on him.

”Biograft! Did you- did you see?” She gives a small ‘squee’ as she hugs a cool pillow, laying back down on the floor. “It’s fucking Medkit!”

Frying Pan didn’t react like this to the other Phighters, because she was either too scared at first or just like ‘oh, cool’. But Medkit? This guy was the fan-favorite of the Phighting fandom! Right behind Subspace!

Subspace, she kinda… fumbled the bag with that one. Even if she did stop him from committing war crimes, there was a small part of her that wanted to befriend the asthmatic mad scientist- terrible as he was.

”YES- IF I RECALL, ALL BIOGRAFTS HAVE A PRIME DIRECTIVE TO REPORT, CAPTURE, OR KILL HIM.” Pan stiffens up at that. She didn’t want that to happen- Medkit would easily fold the civilian model like aluminum foil if they were to engage in a fight.

”I’M NOT MOST BIOGRAFTS, THANKFULLY.” Their voice quieted down to a conspiratorial drone. “I MADE SURE TO REMOVE THAT PESKY COMMAND FROM MYSELF. I’M A FREE BOT, AFTER ALL. AND MY PRIMARY DIRECTIVE IS OUR FRIENDSHIP.”

The short demon sighs in relief, her shoulders sagging. “Great. That’s good.” She scoots closer to the fan. “So you would be fine meeting him, just in case he comes over or something?”

”YES. HOWEVER, HE DOES NOT KNOW THAT- AND MIGHT BECOME AGITATED AT MY PRESENCE.” The Biograft scratches the floor a bit with their claws as they think. “SO IT IS BEST WE AVOID PATHS. YOU CAN INTERACT WITH HIM ALONE.”

Pan mulls this over. A significant part of her was frothing at the mouth to meet someone with actual healing powers. Think of all the possibilities! She had to temper her excitement at being neighbors with Medkit.

”Alright, Biograft!” She gives an enthusiastic, crooked-teeth grin. “I’ll do it. But for now…” Pan groans, flipping herself over on the floor again to disperse the heat. “I’m waaaay too tired. God, why?!”

[Medkit]

It was already a bad day- no a bad week for him. And with the way things were going, it might be a bad month too.

Broker had called him up- saying something about how the Church of the True Eye wanted more surveillance online, for some reason. Something about an ‘archive’ popping up. Medkit hated having an online presence- anything he posted, Blackrock would track down and delete, and probably send a warrant out for him too.

So he’d said no to the request. And just because Broker wouldn’t let him off scot-free, he started heckling him about being in Crossroads instead of Lost Temple.The damn criminal already knew his first apartment- so Medkit sold it off and looked for another one.

This one was slightly next to the highway to Theives Den- so the Church couldn’t step foot in there without raising tensions. The faction distrusted Lost Temple- after all, they were opposites. Theives and rich government demons (or cultists) did not mix well.

The downside to this was his new neighbor. She was way too friendly- not in a way that made him think she was a spy or out to backstab him, but in an overbearing, naive way.

He’d seen a few demons with her body type in Lost Temple- but they all wore pretentious sneers and wielded their influence like a knife. Her? She seemed warm and fluffy, like an overly trusting stray dog. And Medkit was a cat person.

”Hey! Hey Medkit!” She knocked on his apartment door. “I bought some pastries from Pink Parlor- you fond of macarons?”

He had to restrain himself from gripping his horns too hard. “Go away. Why are you like this?”

The smaller demon’s voice rang out from behind his door, a bit disappointed. “I was just saying hi to my new neighbor…” There’s the sound of something being placed down, and footsteps. The apartment door across from his place closed.

He’d only stuck his head out after he was sure his neighbor was away. Medkit picked up the clear box of macarons, the sticker-seal holding the clear plastic box closed untouched.

”… It doesn’t seem poisoned, or tampered with.” He closes his own front door and sets the macarons onto his desk, opening it gingerly.

He analyzed them, did a few simple tests- nothing. No poison, no dangerous things, no tampering. So his neighbor was just genuinely being nice.

”…Huh.” He took a bite of one of them. Tasty.

Medkit still had to attend the Phights he booked- after all, they were his best source of income (bar his work within Lost Temple). He’d called Sword on the phone, leaning on his own wall as he prepared his gear.

There was a click. “Hey, Med! You need me to come pick you up again?”

”Of course.” Medkit takes a drag of his cigarette, making sure to smoke with the window open. “But I had a change of location. I moved to another apartment.”

”Oh, great! Where do I go, then?” Medkit looks outside, his eyes resting on the street signs distantly in the horizon. ‘The dark green building near the edge of Crossroads, next to the Theives’ Den highway.”

”Got it! I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”

Medkit hangs up the phone with a brisk “thank you” and opens his door to lean over the railing. He exhales his smoke as he looks down, waiting for Sword.

”Heya.” He nearly jumps in shock, whipping around to see his neighbor. She’s busy hauling in some plastic bags full of groceries. “You doing well?”

The healer says nothing at first, narrowing his eyes at her. The short demon shrugs nonchalantly. “Alright. Good luck on the Phight then.”

She disappears inside her apartment for a while, certainly putting the groceries away. His neighbor reappears, staring down as Sword pulls up on his red car. “Oh, cool. Your buddy’s here.”

“Med!” Sword shouts, getting out of his car and waving. “I’m here!” Medkit responds with a slight huff and barely noticeable smile.

To Medkit’s surprise (and slightly distraught) Sword turns over to his neighbor with a sense of recognition. “Oh! Frying Pan! What are you doing here?”

His neighbor, named Frying Pan apparently, gave a large grin. ”Yo, Sword! Nice to see you too, dude!” She snickers. “And I live here- didn’t you know that?”

”Not really!” Sword gestures to Medkit, who looks slightly annoyed at her over-enthusiasm. “I didn’t know he was your neighbor, too!”

”Nah, that’s a relatively new thing.” She waves at them and walks back to her door. “Well, good luck on the Phight, you two! I hope you win!”

[Medkit]

Despite his neighbor’s… relatively aggravating behavior, she wasn’t a bad person. And Medkit’s opinion on her slightly improved with his good mood.

His team had won this time. Sword was in it, Boombox (as annoying as he may be, he was a good support) was there as well- and even Ban Hammer was there. And it was a capture round, so they had extra-good composition for that.

Subspace was also acting odd. His (former) lab partner actually seemed to avoid messing with him, even going as far as to stay quiet and slip away without a sound. This was Subspace , for Firebrand’s sake- the same demon that wouldn’t shut up when he was in the same general vicinity as him.

And for that, Medkit’s good mood instantly became some sort of relief. Thank the gods that idiot learned to shut his mouth…

He barely ran over Subspace’s mines this Phight. He’d managed to even get a few kills, as a healer!

Medkit left the round feeling justly satisfied by the win. He went into Sword’s car, leaning back and actually smiling for once (as small is it was).

”Great job, Medkit!” Sword gave him a thumbs up. “I gotta say- you did really good today for some reason!”

Medkit hummed in response. “You too, Sword. But you should really warn me before pulling a move like that again.”

And he was right- he nearly choked in the middle of battle when Sword decided to parry Hyperlaser’s Phinisher with his own Phinisher. The result was an explosion that carved a hole in the ground and knocked everyone on the point twenty feet away.

Sword made a sheepish face. “What? At least I knew it worked! I’ve been practicing parrying projectiles with Rocket!”

”You are going to die. ” Medkit groans. “ Don’t - what made you think it was a good idea?!”

Sword perked up. “Oh! Everyone’s getting some advice from a strategist lately. I was the latest one.” He chuckles as he drives  his car back to Medkit’s apartment. “All the Phighters from Playground and Theives’ Den talk to her weekly.”

”And who is the genius that came up with the idea of parrying explosive shots, Sword?” He gripes.

The short-horned demon chuckled nervously. “Oh, what a coincidence…“

[Pan]

Pan hummed as she cooked the steak on her own frying pan. Contrary to popular belief, she can cook now! It’s just that half her stuff turns out slightly burnt, and she can’t season her meat for shit- but she can cook!

She fumbles the salt and rosemary as she hears a heavy knock on the door. “Open the door.” Medkit’s voice was muffled, but she heard it.

”Oh fuck oh shit-“ She looks over to Biograft. “Can you help cook this? I gotta take the door.”

”OF COURSE.” She rushes to the door, opening it and panting from her frantic scrambling.

”O-oh, hey Medkit!” The former scientist seems completely unamused. Frying Pan gives an awkward smile. “What’s- what’s up? You never really knocked on my door first before…”

”So you’re the irresponsible fool who gave my teammates those ideas.” She blanches while Medkit begins to lecture her. “In all my years of treating them, this is the first time I’ve seen such behavior.”

”Hey, I tested them myself before giving that advice!” Pan pouted. (Nope- she didn’t. And most of them were suggestions, anyways.)

Medkit gives the tiny demon a disbelieving look. He raises his eyebrow. “You? You look far from qualified from giving advice to trained Phighters. And I doubt you’ve even participated in a Phight yourself.”

”Are you going to yell at me?” She instinctively cowers a bit, but her expression keeps that unbothered look. “Because I didn’t charge them money. My dumb ass was just throwing ideas at the wall until it stuck.”

”That’s not the point. ” Medkit hissed, pinching the bridge of his face. “The point is- what if you mess up? What if you’re wrong, and they get hurt?”

Pan has the decency to look guilty, but she stands her ground. She taps her chest with her fist. “Then I’ll take responsibility, and stop giving advice.” She sighs. “If you want to see how I do it- let’s make a deal.”

Frying Pan holds out her hand, a confident expression on her face. “If I give a suggestion for your gear that you’ve never heard before, then you can get off my case. But if I don’t I’ll stop giving advice and won’t bother you again.”

Medkit taker hand hand and shakes it, his face schooled in ambivalent interest. “Deal.”

[Medkit]

I doubt she’ll even say a single original thing. Medkit was already intimately familiar with his own gear and crystals- after all, he’d heard it all.

Most of the advice for healers online and from trainers was the same. Stay in the back, prioritize low-health or vulnerable troops, hide behind the biggest ally. He sat down at his own table, while Frying Pan made herself comfortable in a small chair. Great, now to hear her ramble on about placement and-

“Do you know how lucky you are to have a healing ability, Medkit?” She starts. There’s a slight tone of wonder and… jealousy? “If I had to choose a gear, I wouldn’t choose a blade- hell, not even a gun or explosives. No- I’d choose healing. ”

Huh? Medkit is slightly taken aback by this. Every other demon prioritized gears in a similar fashion: anything that did damage was good. Healing was valued, yes- but not as valued as powerful weapons.

Is this some sort of way for her to appeal to me? Is she just saying that because I’m Medkit?

Nevertheless, Medkit stays quiet while Frying Pan rants on. “Every time I see a dumbass say that healers are not necessary- no! They don’t know the full potential , the implications! ”

She sounds more and more awestruck. “Think about it, Medkit. How do you build muscles? How do demons get physically stronger from working out?”

He knew this- it was practically basic knowledge for any demon who fought. “You work out until they’re sore. You physically strain them until you reach a limit, when they start to have little tears.” Medkit frowns, thinking a bit harder. “And…. Those tears gradually heal. They build up more muscle cells to replace the damaged ones.”

” Exactly.” The shorter demon holds up a finger. “They heal slowly. So what if there was a way to instantly heal muscles, then? If you could get rid of that soreness, bulk yourself up faster?”

Medkit slowly starts to understand, and he stares at the crystal revolver in his hand. The deer-like Phighter looks back at Pan. “You don’t mean…”

”You could exercise yourself to the point of exhaustion and soreness.” She makes a running motion with her fingers. “Once you feel your muscles tear- use Rejuvenation Ring on yourself. Repeat the process, and you’ll build muscles faster and more efficiently than any other demon.”

Medkit was wrong, completely wrong. She did find something he’d never thought of before- hell, this might be something no demon has put into practice before. “This is… very fascinating. How did you even-?”

Pan continues, checking her claws nonchalantly. “And since you can heal other people- you can do this accelerated muscle-building to them as well. If you can make your healing more constant and gradual, with no cooldown…” She gives a grin. “You can make yourself have almost unlimited stamina.”

The ideas kept on piling up, building from the initial discovery. “Unlimited stamina. I… I suppose that would be feasible using my crystals, but… there would be risks to constant exposure.”

Pan makes a noise of mild agreement. “Oh, yes. I forgot about the cancer risks.”

”The what.” Medkit immediately snaps his head to meet Frying Pan’s eyes. “What do you mean, cancer risks?”

”Like- isn’t cancer just uncontrolled cell growth from an error in DNA replication?” She asks, tilting her head in curiosity. “So healing, which speeds up cell growth and makes new cells rapidly, could astronomically increase the rate of faulty DNA. Faulty DNA leads to abnormal replication, and that…”

The medic completely freaks out at this, sweating for once. “You’re telling me I have been giving my teammates potential carcinogens?!”

“Oh, not just potential- it’s guaranteed sooner or later with the amount of accelerated cell replication.” Medkit grips his chair even harder in stress, his eyes wide.

”Oh- oh SFOTH. Oh holy Illumina, what in the swords’ name have I been doing?!”

[Pan]

Pan… feels kind of bad that Medkit is freaking out because of her. Like, the first time she tries to bond with the guy, and she already makes him worry about maybe giving himself and his friends cancer?

”Hey- calm down! I’m sure it’ll be fine- you guys usually die way too early to worry about cancer.” She immediately winces at her own retort as Medkit gives her a ‘really?!’ expression.

”Okay, that was insensitive. Sorry.” Pan gives a sigh. “But you’ve had a perfect track record so far- so I wouldn’t stress too much on it.”

Medkit gives another wheeze, looking at her incredulously. “Then why did you tell me about it.”

”Just a precaution! And it’s also another suggestion.” The Phighter gives her a withering look. “How is getting cancer a suggestion.”

Pan makes a ‘so-so’ gesture. “Well, you could always intentionally use your healing wrong! That way, you can give your enemies cancer on purpose!” Medkit gapes at her in shock.

The former human doesn’t really seem to get the memo that Medkit disliked using his inventions in any harmful way like Subspace’s. She’d just suggested something worse, and kept on going. “I mean like- I’d be more effective than that lame gas Subspace uses! That bastard’s gear only has one use, and it’s killing him!”

The former scientist wheezes. “What the fuck . What the ever-loving fuck .”

Pan takes that completely out of context, thinking Medkit wanted more lethal suggestions. “Oh! And if you carry another weapon, your healing would be amazing at interrogation!” Her hands tremble a bit.

”You could use a knife- repeatedly slash and stab your enemy, then heal them! Dying from blood loss isn’t a problem!” Her gaze becomes more and more dissociated, and Pan begins to slightly lose it. “And they’d be begging for mercy, for the sweet relief of death-“

Medkit scrambles away, gripping his revolver and pointing it at Frying Pan. “Stop. Stop talking like that. ”

She’s far too into it now, her vision blurring and not noticing her surroundings. “And if you really killed them, they’d be relieved until you resurrect them and do it all again-!”

”STOP!” Medkit shouts, half-angry and half-terrified. Out of pure adrenaline, he fires the revolver with a ‘ bang ’ and then-

[Medkit]

He immediately regrets it. It didn’t kill her- his revolvers were loaded with his healing crystals. But he shouldn't have shot a civilian, no matter how scary she was.

Pan was knocked from the table and her head tilted back, reeling from the force. Medkit sucked in a breath, expecting to have her jump at him and attack.

The small demon tilted her head back down, avoiding Medkit’s gaze. There’s a few minutes of silence between them.

And she does something unexpected- she… she steps back. She’s cowering , avoiding his gaze and lowering her horns. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m sorry-“ Pan’s voice is just a whisper, but it’s terrified and desperate, the complete opposite of her mania from before.

She gets up from the table and slips out his apartment door with a power-walk. He hears footsteps away from his place- but not the familiar open and close of her own door. Pan ran away.

Medkit stumbles over to his pull-out couch and sits down, his hands shaky. It’s only half an hour later before he processes what he did.

”Oh. Oh gods.” He grasps the armrests and digs his claws into them, not caring that the leather was being torn up. “I… I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t-“

He swallows. The former scientist had expected to be the one apologizing, but… the demon he shot was saying sorry? When he was the one who lost his temper and nearly killed her?

She’s so small. Only now did he realize that she couldn’t have done much to him anyway. She- how young was she? Did I- did I shoot someone Sword’s age?

He’s left to panic and mull over the implications.

Medkit falls asleep before Frying Pan comes back. He doesn’t hear from his neighbor for a day- until she comes back at dusk with a cup of black coffee and a nervous expression.

He opened the door and stepped back, instantly terrified and regretful. “You-“

”I’m sorry.” The small demon gulped, and handed him the coffee as a peace offering. “I- I shouldn’t have done that- I shouldn’t have let myself go that far, even if i did dissociate.”

So I shot at a young demon with a possible mental disorder. Medkit feels even worse now. “Why are you the one apologizing? I…” He makes sure that he isn’t holding his gear or revolver. “I was the one who shot you.”

Pan makes a pathetic whine, her eyes refusing to meet Medkit’s. “That’s- that’s not as bad as what I did! You just shot because you felt threatened!”

The sentence nearly replaces Medkit’s guilt with exasperation. He sighs. “I shot you, a civilian with sub-par health, and you say it’s ‘not that bad’? Frying Pan.”

Pan makes an even more pathetic whine, like a kicked puppy. “No, no- I should be the one apologizing here, not you-”

Medkit’s doctor instinct override his initial goal to say sorry to her, and he gives her a tired look.

”No. You are going to get yourself checked out , and I’m going to apologize. ” He gently tugs her at the scruff of her shirt like a stray dog. “Kids these days…”

The examination took a few minutes, with Medkit checking Pan’s forehead for the impact and seeing that it was fine. He also checked her for bruising, for any health issues…

”I didn’t get cancer, Medkit, I swear-“ She groans. “I shouldn’t have told you about that.”

”Silence.” He stands up, sighing. “Everything says you’re fine, and that means I move on to apologizing now.”

Pan accepts it, and breathes in deeply. Medkit feels that she’s about to say her own sorry. “Look, I… I went way too far with my suggestions.” She fiddled with her hands. “Can… can we put this behind us? I want to be friends.“

The medic blinks. “I insult you, invite you over to my house, shoot you, and you want to be my friend?” He gives her an incredulous look. “Are you okay?”

Pan shrugs. “Definitely not. But I do like making friends.” She gives a warm, crooked smile in response. “And hey- a lot of the Phighters hang out at Slingshot’s cafe on Wednesdays. I might as well befriend you all.”

Medkit sighs, but extends his hand out for a handshake. “Alright. Might as well.” The other demon takes his hand, and he can’t help but notice the strong grip- despite how small it was compared to his.

[Medkit] - Aftermath

Frying Pan turned out to be a… decent person once they established what Medkit did and didn’t like.

Going to Slingshot’s cafe was a total nightmare for him. He couldn’t handle Boombox in the room, much less all the other demons he worked and fought with. Medkit got a migraine that day.

So Pan took the memo, and didn’t bring him there again. Instead, she sometimes knocked on his door and invited herself into his apartment, sharing some food she made or pastries she’d bought.

”Why don’t you ask me to come over? I thought…” Medkit thought about how the first time she was in his apartment, she got shot.

Pan makes a face. “I have a Biograft helping around the house- and I know how… complicated you are with them.”

”Huh.” He’d wondered what the other roommate in her place was, since he definitely heard her saying hello and goodbye to them. “Thank you for the reminder, then.”

”No problem.” She went back to watching him tinker with one of the gears Broker had sent over for him to modify.

Medkit also learned why Pan acted so friendly but over-enthusiastic around him specifically, despite his initial coldness to her.

He asked that question a few weeks later, when she was busy drinking a coffee and typing away at her (oddly blank) computer at his apartment. “Why I did that…”

She’s silent for a few minutes, mulling it over. “I guess it’s because… I was jealous.”

”Jealous?” Frying Pan, as small and doglike as she was… didn’t seem like the type to get jealous. Medkit wonders if she was going to keep on surprising him.

She gives a bit of a sad smile. “Yeah. Kind of- partly jealous. But I also look up to you.” She messes with the keychain holding the USB to her laptop. “I… wanted to be a medical professional when I was in school. A doctor, a nurse- anything.”

Pan looks outside the window, as if she’s reminiscing. “My mother got her certification to be a nurse- and I wanted to follow in her footsteps. Become greater than her, help people in need- all that.”

Medkit stares at her- it fit with Pan’s personality, wanting to help others. “What then?”

”I… everything kept on going wrong.” She bites her lip. “I bought all the books on anatomy and medical science, I studied in my free time- only for my high school to put me in the engineering classes.”

Pan grips his wooden dining table, her claws out. “I wasn’t even good at math- I didn’t like it. It was better than business or coding, but…” She inhales a bit. “It was like everything I hyped myself up for, the purpose I gave myself- set back, just like that.”

Medkit… he felt that it was somehow an inverse of his own situation. A demon with a healing gear, wanting to be an engineer instead of being a doctor. The only difference was- he actually achieved his dream, at least temporarily.

”And it happened again.” Pan grit her teeth, taking off her glasses to wipe them. “I got into college- and got rejected from the nursing school. They just slapped me into the ‘undecided’ pathway and I just-“

She stops, breathing slowly. Medkit waits for her to calm down. “Yeah. I just- gave up. Stopped planning stuff and just went with the flow.” Pan scoffed, and looked back down at her laptop screen. “I’m satisfied where I am now. I get money, I have a roof over my head and food on my table- I’m happy.”

The teal-horned Phighter looks at her with a new light. …Could I have been like that? Would it have been a better outcome, if it meant I never achieved my dream but stayed at my home in Blackrock?

Was it worth it?

It was inevitable that the Church of the True Eye called him in for another mission. He couldn’t ignore their summons, unless he wanted to be hunted down by two factions instead of one.

Medkit’s hand hovered over his eyepatch as he walked down the halls of one of the Church’s locations. The sides were draped in luxurious teal, sand and gold banners with their symbol, and the walls had hand-painted propaganda in ornate frames.

”Heeeya, Meds!” Medkit let out a groan as Broker popped up next to him, his heavy chains jangling a bit. “A shame it’s hard to contact you nowadays. You seem to be in a very good mood lately!”

”Not much, actually.” He responds gruffly. “Let me guess- another commission. An acolyte wants me to modify their gear again .” Medkit lights up a cigarette. “Did Scythe get the parts?”

Broker lets out a deceptively playful laugh. “Jumping to conclusions, are we? No, this is something much more interesting, actually.”

The patchwork demon led him down the hall and into one of the Church’s meeting rooms, with a few monitors and computer towers. Even the folding chairs and tables were luxurious, being made of wood and fabric cushions instead of the usual steel.

Medkit glances at one of the monitors. “What… why are they monitoring a Youtube account? Much less a Tubular blog.”

Broker’s grin stretches wider, and he taps on the screen with his claw, making a ‘click’ sound. “Not just any blog- a rather fascinating one. You see, there’s a rumor lately that the person running it isn’t a normal demon- in fact, they might not even be a real demon at all.”

”Please. As if I believe that nonsense.” Medkit scoffs. “I thought the father disapproved of wild goose chases.”

He scrolled up a bit and paused. Broker smirks. “It’s not a wild goose chase if they quite literally predict the discovery of an ancient species, a whole month before any fossils were dug up.”

”And why should that matter, hm?” Medkit crosses his arms.

His coworker raises his arms in a grand gesture. “Why, Medkit! It’s going to revolutionize the Inphinity as we know it! Think- an ancient, advanced civilization, with only one survivor left.”

Broker makes a motion with his wrist. “The heads want us to dig deeper- see who’s posting all this stuff. They want the knowledge all to themselves.”

Medkit scrolls down more of the videos and posts. There’s clearly a society similar to demons there, with the odd species that the poster keeps on mentioning over and over again. There’s footage that looks much too convincing to be faked but too uncanny to be real.

”The only reason why you’re contacting me is because you want me to trail them, right.” It isn’t even a question- Medkit’s tone is a deadpan. “Because usually, the higher-ups only call when they know their target.”

Broker laughs. “Oh, we do! And what a plain-looking target she is.” Medkit gets a small shiver down his spine; out of curiosity or out of dread- he doesn’t know.

“See for yourself.” Broker hands over a tablet with some camera shots and what Lost Temple’s informants could find on her personal documents.

Medkit freezes. Staring back at him is a picture of his own damn neighbor. “… Frying Pan? ”

Chapter Text

[Scythe]

Scythe was kind of the country gal that would make wives jealous and men shiver in fear.

She’d been born-and-raised from Lost Temple, and her life in the southern desert made her especially proficient in drawing blood. From low-rate crooks to high-profile demons, she’d learned how to have fun with each kill, dancing around her enemies as she tore them to shreds with her gear.

So why exactly did the acolytes send her on a capture mission?!

I should've sweet-talked Broker into doing this shit! She thought, grumbling as she rode her horse stealthily towards Crossroads from a Church outpost in Lost Temple.

Technically, she could leave her victims alive so that her ‘family’ could interrogate them and use them for later value- but Scythe tended to get snippy when having to deal with hostages.

The viper-fanged demon frowned as she remembered one particularly annoying mission. It was ONE damn slice! How was I supposed to know she had hemophilia?!

The priest had gotten very cross with her on that one since she accidentally killed the target. This time, Scythe tempered her usual urge to kill and focused on riding her horse. She couldn’t let them down again.

She stopped next to a more secluded area around the highway, and dismounted her horse. “Alright, Sugar…” She whispered, giving her horse a scratch on the head and a sugar cube as a treat. “You know what to do.”

Her trained steed neighed, and trotted off to hide amongst some dense desert foliage. Scythe strapped her gear to her back and took the walk towards Crossroads, making sure she wouldn’t get caught.

It takes a few hours, but she manages to trek all the way to the center of the plaza. At that time, it was already sunset- and most demons were already going home. She took off her hat, easily blending into the crowd as she slipped towards the location.

Now, to Thieves’ Den… if it weren’t for the damn [urgent] on her file, then she’d be passed over. Scythe wondered how a harmless-looking demon like her target was so important that the Church wanted her alive, even when she lived close to their rival faction.

Scythe found the building- a green brick apartment building with four floors. She hopped onto the railing, scaling the fire exit and dropping onto the fourth floor.

To her surprise, one of the doors were open. There was a young, enthusiastic voice coming from inside. “And really, it only works with extreme exercise routines, but that also poses a risk-“

Scythe waltzes in and has to do a double-take as she sees her own coworker sitting across from her target, Medkit’s face blanching a bit when he sees his boss.

”Well, howdy-doo!” The incredibly stocky demon jumps up from the living room couch, squeaking in shock. “Looks like you already got acquainted with Doc already, so he must have told you about us, rigt?”

[Pan]

Medkit DIDN’T warn me, actually! She give the healer a side-eye that clearly meant she was pissed. And sure, she knew Medkit was indebted to Lost Temple… but it still felt like a betrayal.

”No, actually. I was busy talking to Medkit here and he didn’t bring it up, not even once.” Medkit backed up and gave a regretful look.

”Frying Pan- you have to understand. The order just came in yesterday and…” She cuts him off with a melodramatic sigh. “Oh well.”

Pan crosses her arm, curious as to know why Scythe of all Phighters was here for her. “So- what’s Lost Temple got to do with me, ma’am?”

Scythe cackles, slapping her knee. “Oh, a respectful one! You could learn to use some manners from her, Medkit!”

The country demon flicks up a toothpick and catches it in her mouth, chewing it. “Well, our ‘family’ managed to find something very interesting about you, Miss Pan- in fact…” She steps forward and leans down. “Do you perhaps run a little account? One by the name of ‘Isekai Archive’, whatever that is?”

Ah, fuck- FUCK! Pan took in a deep breath, and calmed herself. Now is not the time for breaking down. Now is the time for bullshitting and staying alive.

Frying Pan knew she’d be caught if she lied- after all, that was what a cult did best. Lie, manipulate, scheme- they most likely had ages of experience and little old her wouldn’t make it with her bullshit roleplay and facades.

Pan had to tell the truth . But it didn’t mean she had to tell the whole truth.

”Well, you guys sure have some nice intel then.” She shrugs. “I’m betting you want my own knowledge for yourself? Make your region the best of all four regions?”

Scythe grins like a shark. “Exactly. Even the father’s heard whispers of your work- every demon’s got you in their phones, after all.”

”I’ll take that as a compliment.” Frying Pan rolls her eyes. “And I suppose I don’t have a say in this kidnapping.”

”Exactly.” Scythe taps her blade on the floor. “So what’ll it be?”

Pan thought it out a bit. She needed to do some shit to prepare- since Lost Temple knew she owned the archive, then they’d know the (very convincing) theory that she was human. Her identity was bust.

”Fine. I’ll go with you guys- but let me go to my apartment pack my damn supplies.” She snorts. “Can’t have your new source of information without the tools she need, eh?”

Scythe raises her teal blade and presses it close to Pan’s neck. “Tryna’ pull a fast one on me, darlin’?”

Pan scoffs, and leans back, unfazed. “If I did try to bolt, you’d shoot me down. I’m not dumb.”

Scythe takes a while to mull it over, and after a tense few seconds, she smiles. “Well then? Get your stuff.” She shoves the former human off Medkit’s couch. “Don’t take long or I’ll rough you up myself.”

Pan went inside her apartment alone and immediately pulled Biograft aside. Her eyes were serious, and her softness was completely gone, replaced with a hard, quiet tone.

”Biograft.” The robot picks up on her feelings, and knows… she’s afraid. Only when she acted more scary was when she was scared or something, badly. “I’ve got myself into some deep shit- you gotta run. ”

”WHA-“ They’re cut off by Pan pressing her finger to their face place in a ‘shhh’ motion. “I’m- I’m not going to be here anymore. And being associated with me from now is dangerous - you need to get out of this building as stealthily as you can, run to Thieves’ Den , and never look back. Hide.”

Biograft looks so utterly confused, like a lost dog- it breaks her heart. Pan gently hugs her friend, and begins packing up some clothes and her fake gear. “I’m… I’m sorry I didn’t tell you what I was really doing.” Pan’s voice is quiet as she picks up the shoulder bag with her laptop, pan, a first-aid kit, and spare clothes.

The both of them just stand there in silence, as Pan gulps, focusing on her task and doing her best not to let loose a single crack in her facade. Because if she does…

It’s nothing. It’s nothing it’s nothing I can fake it ‘till I make it - it’s nothing-

The former human inhales shakily. For some reason, she felt like… telling the truth. At least one time, to Biograft. In a way that would be vague, but…

“Biograft. If- if you want to think about me, once I’m gone-“ She grits her teeth as she closes her mouth. “Remember the name Ollie. Okay?” There’s the sound of a small click as her robotic friend notes it down.

”Thank you.”

The Biograft stays quiet, as per her previous order. It doesn’t mean their fans went silent- they hummed, if not more quietly than normal.

Pan bites her lip, and looks back at them, glancing to her open window. “ Hide under the bed. And when you hear footsteps leaving this floor- run.”

Pan stealthily slips out of her bedroom, and proceeds to walk over with noise towards the apartment door, misdirecting Scythe. “I’m finished, ma’am. I’m ready to go.”

[Scythe]

Sneaking out of Crossroads was easier than sneaking in- even with a hostage following her and Medkit trailing behind as well. He was going to take the bus to Lost Temple- and she was going to take Sugar.

Sure, Medkit was technically more wanted than her- but the folks liked him enough because he helped around and healed people. A serial killer like her, who tussled with Ban Hammer daily and collected horns like a trophy hunter? They’d snitch as soon as they saw a whiff of her.

Scythe finally reaches the other end of the Lost Temple highway, slipping through the dark tunnel with Frying Pan panting behind her.

”Stop pantin’ like a hound, darling. You’re gonna get us caught.” Her hostage actually complies, slowing down her breathing and taking softer, longer breaths.

It’s like she WANTS to be captured- hah. Scythe whistles for her horse, waiting for the familiar gallop. Sure- the informants say she’s factionless- so does she want the safety of the Church? Cash? Power?

Sugar gallops across the sand with a whinny, the mare nuzzling Scythe’s hand. “Aww, look at you- missed me, Sugar?”

Frying Pan watched the horse with wide, fascinated eyes, as if the small demon was fresh outta the Spawn. “Can… Can I pet her?” Scythe snorts. “Darling, you’re gonna be riding on her. I’m gettin’ you to an outpost.”

Amusingly, she shrinks back at the idea. “Really? But… I’m kinda heavy. I don’t wanna make the horse tired.” The cowgirl demon was actually amused (and a bit approving) of her hostage’s concern for her horse partner.

”It ain’t that bad for Sugar- she’s hefted a few fatasses across the desert before.” Scythe remembers when a few rich merchants in Lost Temple’s cities refused to pay the Church their tax. Poor Sugar was working overtime, hauling the large demons across the desert just so that they could be ransomed off.

Frying Pan sighs, and nods. “If you say so.” She tried to get on Scythe’s horse, hopping up and grunting. She slips down. The serial killer looks at Pan as she struggles with her short height.

”… Ma’am. Can you please help?” Scythe chuckles and pushes Frying Pan up, tying her up with a rope and hopping on Sugar’s saddle as well. Even as Scythe is tying Pan up, she still says thank you.

What a funny little thing. Scythe commands her horse to run with a cocky ‘giddyap!’ and the two were off, racing across the bare soil.

Contrary to what non-Lost Temple demons thought, the region wasn’t all sand dunes and desert. The main capital and Church of the True Eye were centralized in the desert, yes- but there were savannas next to their small borders with Theives’ Den, and tundras a mile across their borders with Blackrock.

The route Scythe was passing went from the savanna to the border of the desert, where one of the Church’s many safe houses (and congregation areas) was.

”Enjoying the scenery, darlin’?” Her hostage was snug between her arms, trapped from attempting to jump off or run (even with being tied). Sugar galloped across the landscape, having stopped at several small settlements for water.

Pan blinked some dirt out of her eye and sighed melancholically. “Mhm. I’ve seen some places like it before.” Scythe laughed.

”Seen it before? Unless you’ve snuck into Lost Temple borders, Crossroads gal, then I doubt it.” She glanced at the small demon. “A small thing like you doesn’t have a rep sheet like that, I suppose.”

Pan gives a small giggle in response. “Geez, I was talking about before Lost Temple, silly. Before the factions, before demonkind…”

Scythe listens in rapt attention as they cross the savanna. Pan continues. “You already heard that I’ve got ancient knowledge, if the Lost Temple guys have seen my posts. And they already know that I’m human.”

”Whatever that is, pah .” Scythe spits on the ground. “Awfully funny name for a species old as dirt.”

“Hey, I didn’t name us.” Frying Pan shuffles a bit in the rope, getting into a more comfy position. “I was just livin’. A normal civilian.”

Scythe laughs. “I’ve seen the videos- odd-lookin’ critters, they are. And you’re obviously a demon now. How’d that happen?”

Frying Pan shrugs. “Same here. All I know is that I’m walkin’ home from a long day of college, then bam . I wake up in Crossroads.”

Scythe seems bored at that answer. “Ah, ptooey . So boring.” She gestures with one clawed hand as the other holds her horse’s bridle. “A boring life before and after, eh? I’d hate that for myself.”

”That why you kill, then?” Pan doesn’t seem scared, just curious. The outlaw hisses at that.

”If you’re gonna prattle on about what’s right and stuff, save it for the dumbasses. I like killin’ folks, and that’s that.” Scythe smirks. “Nothin’ more, nothin’ less.”

Pan blinks and shrugs. “Hey, morally reprehensible, but who am I to argue.”

[Pan]

The whole trip to the place was finished at a half-sandy half-dirt place, with a bustling trade town made of brick and cement. “No wooden walls on the buildings?”

Scythe snorts. “What are we, plebeians? And wood is too much of a pain to import from Playground for mere walls .”

”Fair enough.” The former human was absolutely floored about how much It kind of looked like pictures of those tan-and-brown mansions she only saw in pictures- mixed with shopping districts and outdoor markets. 

”Fifteen bux for some water… figures.” She passes by, looking at the bottles on a stand while Scythe tugs the rope tying her up. “Is it that scarce?”

”Nah, we got a lot of well-water and stuff connecting Blackrock’s water to us.” Scythe grins like a snake. “But the folks up top have full control of the water.”

”Ah.” Pan gives a strained grin. “Capitalism. Nice.”

There were also a lot of tunnel entries that looked like fancy subway tunnels, connected with the concrete sidewalks. Frying Pan tilts her head. “What’s that for?”

“What’s that for? Why- you’ve only see the surface , darlin’! The best part of Lost Temple’s underground!” Scythe pats her on the back and leads her down the long flight stairs, and Pan gulps, taking slow, deliberate steps as to not trip.

Pan blinks, adjusting to the more bearable lighting of the underground. But when she did, she gaped at the sight. A massive underground city stood in front of her.

There were stores and businesses at every corner- the smaller, independent ones were pushed to the fringe while more successful merchants ran massive stalls in the middle, showing off luxury products. Those underground street vendors were nestled between actual brick buildings, which housed even more stores.

The apartments above the stores reminded Pan of the ones back in California- large, with a balcony, and probably with an overinflated rent. Some scraggly, dirty-looking demons darted discreetly between the alleyways- homeless. She knew the unfortunate problem too well.

”It’s the Church’s job to help the less fortunate, you know. Provide charity, and gain devoted followers from the bottom.” Scythe comments. “A shame they almost always end up as thugs and lackeys.”

“This is- this is a small city in Lost Temple?!” Pan exclaims, clearly amazed. “I mean- I lived in a bigger city, but this is underground. ” She gushes.

Scythe tugs the rope binding the former human. “You should see the capital, then. Come along, darlin’- we’ve got family wanting to meet you.”

Frying Pan was tugged to a fancy stone church, the walls made of heavy brick and lined with gold and teal. As she walked into the massive wooden doors, she nervously eyed the silken banners and the propaganda posters flanking the center aisle.

A few demons perked up and nodded as they saw Scythe. Pan was quiet as she approached a few tall demons in clerical robes.

”Deacon Blizzard Wand. Deacon Radar. Priest Spellbook.” Pan poked her head to see the three demons, noting how the priest was carrying his gear. Dark Spellbook of the Forgotten? Huh.

The three demons spoke to Scythe, clearly pleased at her new acquisition of Frying Pan. Radar kept on staring at Pan with some disdain, clearly not believing that she was important somehow.

“ This pathetic little thing? Are you sure you have not been mistaken and-“ Pan, sensing that if she was doubted a single second she would die, decided to step in and prove him wrong.

”Your full name is Bloxxy Radar. Your gear allows you to detect demons 300 studs around you, and because of this you were assigned here to check if Scythe was followed.”

The deacon pales a bit, and Pan continues to bullshit her way out to prove her importance. “You’re acquainted with Blizzard Wand because the both of you had family in Blackrock.”

Well, THAT was a wild guess. After all, a demon with a BLIZZARD wand for a gear would most likely be from Blackrock, and he’s been standing closer to the other deacon rather than the priest he’s serving…

Pan silently thanked whatever higher power there was, because her tomfoolery ended up being correct . Radar stumbled back, and Scythe gave an impressed look to Pan.

”Just a civilian, eh?” Pan shrugs. “Any civilian can be this good when they study, ma’am.”

[Scythe]

She’s gotta admit- the small-timer’s got sass . Frying Pan was to be contained in this specific city- she couldn’t venture out, and sure as hell couldn’t leave the Church of the True Eye’s territory.

But the slippery snake managed to strike a very good deal with the government. A hefty weekly allowance, freedom to roam the city- all in return for her exclusive knowledge.

They’d just considered taking the laptop from her hands- until they realized the screen was visible only to Frying Pan, who held onto the relic. The laptop also had a habit of disappearing and reappearing back in her quarters, even with constant surveillance.

Scythe questioned her, after she left a meeting with some very annoyed investors. “How’d ya do it, anyway?”

“How’d I do what?” The one-eyed demon inspected her blade. “Ya know. Snatch it back every time.”

Pan gave a scoff, and leaned back on the stone pillar. “That laptop’s my damn birthright. It responds to me, and only me.”

”So it’s your real gear, then.” Scythe cackles. “Chose another name because ‘Laptop’ sounds too on-the-nose, darlin’?”

Pan gives a shrug. “And because I wanted to bring less attention to it. A frying pan is more boring than a laptop, ma’am.”

”Clever girl.”

The little tyke was clever , despite the fact she was a lazy bastard that mooched off the Church. She didn’t even do the proper rites to join them- she just said she was gonna be an ‘associate’! Not family!

The excuse? “I’ve got to be subtle ! Not show any allegiances!” She’d said to the priests. “Walking around with one eye shows the other factions that I’ve taken a side, and you wouldn’t want them killing your best asset, will you?”

It was a wonder Frying Pan was as valuable as she was. But at least she was… good buddies with Broker- to Scythe’s slight amusement.

Scythe remembered the moment Broker met the short demon. Pan was chowing down on some sandwiches she’d bought from a vendor, and then-

“Why hello there, young lady!” Pan perks up, and finishes her sandwich so fast meatballs fly out of the plate and she snaps them up. “Oh damn! It’s you!” She laughed. “I saw your mug aaaall over Crossroads’ wanted posters!”

Broker snickers, and makes a ‘so-so’ gesture with his hand. “Oh, you know me- they can’t get enough of my handsome face.”

Pan snorts, and leans back on her folding chair. “Ooh- lemme guess what you’re up to- trying to make a new currency, Broker?” She smirks. “Calling it Brokercoin… too on the nose. Won’t Banhammer catch on?”

”Of course he will.” The scammer gives a sly smile at that. “It’s meant to drive him crazy.”

Pan cackles at that, lowering her horns. “ Fuck the police . But yes- that’s cool.” She yawns. “I ain’t an economics girlie, Broker. But good luck anyways.”

Broker huffs, and makes a teasing remark. “You know, you’re so damn normal for a weirdo! I’d expect an ancient being to be much more intimidating , ya know!”

Scythe… can’t really describe what’s next. Because the closest thing she’s ever seen was possession, and even that was less fluid that the personality change Frying Pan underwent.

”Oh? Is that so?” Pan looks at them with a calm smile, yawning. “Fake people. Fake Places. Fake gods.”

Scythe hisses a bit- was that supposed to be an insult to father?! But she turns to Broker, and he’s… frozen. With his usual smile, yes, but it’s clear he’s in shock. “How…?”

”How did I know what you said, years ago?” Pan shrugs. “I even remember the time you said it. Day four, on the ‘Possessed vs. Bitten’ festival. In that alleyway in Crossroads.”

Broker starts to visibly sweat . “You weren’t there. You only appeared this year, so-“

”So what ?” Pan gives a smile- and her fangs look uncannily dull . “It doesn’t really matter, when you said it. I remember.”

Scythe leans back when Pan finally pulls back, her expression bored but still with that wrong wrong wrong vibe to her. “Honestly, Broker- you were so close. So very, very close to something.”

“What’s that supposed to mean.” Broker asks, his voice fake-cheery and clipped. Pan gives that same insufferable shrug again. “You figure it out yourself, dumbass. You’ve outsmarted Ban Hammer and lived this long.”

The rest of the time with Pan in that room consisted of the small demon pulling out a bottle of soda and sipping it. Scythe sighed. Threatening us, then going back to being a slob… what ARE you?

[Pan]

Holy FUCK is this stressful. The problem wasn’t hiding that she was human- it was making herself seem more important than she actually was.

Ollie Frying Pan Ollie had major impostor syndrome when she was alive. After making up two different identities, committing identity fraud, and managing to scam a literal cult into a fair arrangement, it was mostly gone.

I cannot mess up. Not even for a SECOND for the rest of my time here.

Because messing up meant death- or worse, torture and brainwashing. Ollie knew to steer clear of cults after watching countless Youtube documentaries about them- and here she was.

Gotta act important. Gotta act comfortable and fearless. She shudders, but her eyes discreetly flick to the doors of her assigned room. You can do this. You’ve done this before, you can do it again.

Pan did what she did best: compartmentalization. Number one: nobody in Lost Temple knew about her crimes in Blackrock yet. So that meant Blackrock probably didn’t, either. So the whole plan depended on Subspace not getting over his trauma and saying nothing.

Hyperlaser’s gonna be AFTER my ass though… The former human thinks hard. Not a problem. They already hide Medkit from Subspace- so Hyperlaser won’t be coming here, either.

The next order of business was how to get out of the Church’s territory and Lost Temple. And that was the most difficult part.

I’ll have to… Pan looks down at her hand. The biggest, most stupid plan she had depended on her basically broadcasting that she was a former human to everyone. That she owned the ‘Isekai Archive’ accounts.

What was the line of reasoning behind that, you might ask? Well, it was simple: get anyone interested in her to fight each other. Lost Temple knew about her- and from the way she made Hyperlaser feel, Blackrock would be very interested in getting hold of the only person with knowledge of ‘old-world’ weapons. And if she got the attention of any deities… they would be a very big roadblock to any factions.

And if I announce my crimes… She narrows her eyes. Ban Hammer will come get me. And Ban Hammer was on Scythe’s case…

The whole idea was crazier than a crack-addled monkey given a typewriter and set loose in a printing press. But it made sense to the terrified, desperate girl holding it all in.

Because deep down… Pan was still that young woman. One that made promises to her parents, who was only in her first year of college, who died in a hospital bed with her loved ones surrounding her.

She was human. And hiding that fact, making herself appear as a completely different species with a completely different culture… hyping herself up to be this terrifying genius and ancient being… it was-

Breaking her apart.

[Scythe] - Aftermath

As embarrassing as it was, Scythe wasn’t just murder and bloodshed. When she was a young demon, she eagerly looked into stories of adventures, of outlaws and cowboys and the great Wild West era of Lost Temple.

So it came natural that she also loved learning about new places. Scythe had already traveled to all the other regions for missions (albeit illegally).

Frying Pan’s comment… intrigued her. It began as a thought: what was the world like back then?

The one-eyed demon approached the slacker, who was currently uploading some information into a console and working on translating it into the Lost Temple dialects.

”Hey.” Scythe tipped her hat, and Pan tilted her head in curiosity. “What is it, ma’am?”

”About what you said earlier. When you were on Sugar, ridin’ to the city.” She chewed on her toothpick. “What was Inphinity like in the past?”

Pan stopped typing, and went quiet. “… Back then, we just called the planet ‘Earth’.” She got an oddly… old look. “Before the Great Burning- whatever it was.”

”You don’t know what caused the Great Burning?” Scythe asked. Pan gave an unamused stare. “I’m hundreds of centuries older than that. I died way before it happened- and most likely, my successors did as well.”

Wow, she’s OLD old. Scythe tapped on the metal desk with her claws. “And so what was it like? When you lived?”

”Boring, but somehow still chaotic.” Pan answered. “I was a civilian through and through- so I didn’t see shit. I did live to see the rise of the digital age, though.”

The cowgirl demon hissed. “Then tell me something interesting , then. For an old relic, you sure are boring.”

Pan rolled her eyes. “Well- the continents were completely different from today.” Scythe perked up in shock. “Instead of one large landmass with the four regions… we had seven major continents. And all of them often had different climates and biomes in one continent, too.”

Scythe leaned over on the desk, folding her arms and listening to Pan ramble on about her home, a long forgotten civilization of an era that preceded demonkind.

”I lived in North America- in a specific country called the United States.” She squinted at her laptop, trying to find an analogy. “… Think of them as a blend of Playground’s culture, Lost Temple’s wealth and Blackrock’s military power.”

Such a thing was inconceivable to Scythe- but she tried to picture it anyway. “And they were the top? Uncontested?”

Pan shrugs. “Not exactly- depends who you asked. But it was certainly one of the top countries- the others had their own culture and strengths.”

That technical talk bored Scythe- even if it was technically important to Lost Temple. Her thirst for adventure had to be sated first. “Tell me about the monuments. About the landscape.”

Pan gave a chuckle at that. “Oh, you’d be pressed to remember all those- America had everything. Snowy mountains, warm beaches, dense jungles, even plains and deserts.”

Scythe listened to Pan ramble on about the Sequoia Trees in Redwood National Park, the rolling cliffs of the Grand Canyon, the mountains of Rocky National Park. She ate it up, letting her imagination run wild.

For a moment… Scythe didn’t seem bloodthirsty. Her hunger was sated, and she put aside the violence she used to fill the disappointment of having seen everything.

“And you might find this interesting…” Pan gives a small laugh. “But the humans had cowboys too.”

Scythe practically snapped up and grabbed the small demon by her shoulder, trying to hide her eagerness.”Well, why didn’t ya start with that, darlin’?!”

Pan gave a disappointed grin. “Because I’m not very knowledgeable in that- I’m a ‘city slicker’ as you would say.” The former human shrugs. “But I can check it up in my archive. Download some American history videos on cowboys and the Wild West era.”

And that was how Pan managed to mooch some cash off of Scythe, costing the serial killer seventy bux off her own wallet. But Scythe got three USBs filled with stuff the Church would deem ‘unnecessary’, and she gleefully trotted off to watch it in her own quarters.

Pan sighed, and snickered once Scythe was out of earshot. “Man, I am such a good scammer.”

Chapter Text

[ Frying Pan Ollie]

It was a damn stroke of luck that she managed to get some time alone with her laptop. Even with the Church hounding her for any scraps of information they could find on weapons and economics, she managed to calm them down with the "I'm not an expert" excuse well enough.

So Frying Pan decided to do the thing she's been working towards the entire time she was in the Inphinity- she opened up her laptop and checked her Archive accounts.

No. No no no no no-! This can’t be happening, not now, not ever-!

Frying Pan had a rough time at Lost Temple, despite having a bed to sleep in and food to eat. She’d made herself valuable, indispensable, and interesting to the Church of the True Eye. The short demon blended in with her new gray-and-teal clothes, a clean vest and turtleneck to sell the “reluctant academic” vibes.

But that didn’t mean she was comfortable. No- she was still terrified whenever she had to interact with Scythe and any of the clergy, her nonchalant facade cranked up a notch to hide any of that fear.

Fuck- calm down, calm down. They can smell your fear. They can see you. Don’t assume they can’t just because you’re alone.

So what exactly was making Frying Pan so damn pressed? Why was she panicking?

Her accounts were gone. Sure- the knockoff Tumblr account was fine- it still had her posts, even if it was deactivated. But- her Youtube. Her videos.

Whatever happened in the platform headquarters- she didn’t know. Maybe Lost Temple decided to cut her off- maybe it was one of the other factions heckling the Crossroads company to take her down and hide that knowledge. But whatever the case was, all her hard work archiving her past life was gone.

Frying Pan Ollie was never going to see her favorite videos again. She wasn’t going to laugh while showing her friends some stupid youtube meme compilation, she wasn’t going to have a reminder of where she came from-

This is hell. It truly is, isn’t it? Giving her a stable life only for her to get captured by a cult, and have her identity ripped from her and distorted like this.

I am Ollie. I am Ollie I am Ollie I am OLLIE I AM OLLIE

[Elsewhere, Illumina looked over Crossroads and the factions, perching from a stone ledge in one of his many temples. The god didn’t know why… but he felt a small shiver down his spine.]

[Perhaps going to that odd company and threatening the employees to remove all trace of that mysterious interloper was not the best choice. But he was Illumina, the best of the swords, and he wasn’t going to let some mere coward hiding behind a screen threaten his power.]

Ollie, slowly breathing in and out, gripped the desk. She racked her mind for anything, and decided on the stupidest fucking plan ever.

... I'm going to do it. Might as well. She makes a throwaway account, types as quick as she can, and finishes in thirty minutes. Ollie doesn't even care anymore if she's caught- the former human fucked up her chance, and she might as well reap the consequences.

She closes her laptop and slips it into her pack, slinking away from the room. She manages to get out of the church, casually walks to a nearby alleyway, and disappears from sight.

When one of the priests notices her absence, it was already three hours later. 

[Tumblr Post]

💾 archive-deactivated20151010     Follow

1 month ago

With the shit I'm posting it's a wonder that the factions haven't caught me yet, if I go missing you know why :)

✂️ bladebro      Follow

OP where are you, it's been a fucking month

🪙 lunar_lulz      Follow

I think OP's a wanted criminal now, guys

🅿️ pandemonium      Follow

I TOLD you Archive was gonna get hunted or something for being a human. The stuff they were posting on their Youtube was getting into the "potential warcrime" category and I'm pretty sure they got banned for that

🪤cheezetrap      Follow

If that's the case why is their tubular deactivated? The mods don't usually do this stuff

🛄 tubular_offical      Follow

I'm not supposed to be posting this, but fucking ILLUMINA crashed into our headquarters in Crossroads and threatened the employees to get rid of the account. We couldn't really do that because of how the platform works, so we just deactivated the account. Who the hell is Archive and why are they this important to get a SWORD on their ass.

🅿️ pandemonium      Follow

WHAT, OP IS HUNTED DOWN BY A FUCKING SWORD???? AND ILLUMINA OF ALL SWORDS

🗡️ sword_phighter      Follow

Huh? That's really weird, what's got Illumina all worked up about this? I mean, it's just one account, how bad can it be?

🗡️ sword_phighter      Follow

Ok just checked it out and what the fuck.

🪦grav3sight      Follow

Ok I have a theory guys- OP definitely is a human, but they're hiding somewhere. And since you can't post without internet- they're hiding somewhere in a faction, not just the wilderness. This means either they're working with a faction, or hiding so damn well that everyone's going crazy trying to find them.

⚔️ venomshank_fan114    Follow

First we got the swords and then we got a possible ancient creature working secretly working with a faction. What's next, Blackrock actually not being shit?

🔐locknkey_    Follow

you're on thin fucking ice, playgrounder.

[Tumblr Post 2]

⚱️ grandprixdmn     Follow

3 weeks ago

My friends are all talking about this "Isekai Archive" or whatever and I can't find anything on it. All they showed me were some weird reuploaded videos on youtube and I can't make sense of it, and now everyone's freaking out. What's going on?

🪩discooo     Follow

by SFOTH how do you NOT know at this point? this shit was featured by boombox once

⚱️ grandprixdmn     Follow

hey, I'm not from playground, okay? I'm kind of confused here.

📊lore-enthusiast     Follow

Isekai Archive is a user on Tubular and Youtube with over a hundred thousand followers, and they post videos and mini-essays about history and science. Their stuff is about "humans", a pre-Burning species that was recently discovered due to a fossil expedition in Lost Temple.

The thing is, they posted about humans before the species was even known or proven to exist. And the content they put out was incredibly realistic and complex, detailing how supposed human biology an society worked. This led to many of their fans speculating that Archive themselves was a human, and that they somehow survived the great Burning and lived for centuries in hiding.

Tubular and Youtube are blowing up about them now because they've stopped uploading for a month, which is concerning because they consistently upload weekly and have stated that if they stopped posting, it was probably because "the factions haven't caught them yet".

Then came the fiasco with Illumina himself threatening both Tubular and Youtube to delete the Isekai Archive account, which kind of solidified that they were probably legit a cryptid.

TLDR; It's an account that's most likely run by an ancient cryptid or someone with ancient knowledge, and they're getting hunted by Illumina and the factions.

⚱️ grandprixdmn     Follow

I did NOT expect "ancient cryptid runs a Tubular blog and gets sniped by a sword" but here we are, huh

🪞mirrormira1     Follow

wait THAT'S what happened to the channel? I could only find recent reuploads of Isekai's videos on Youtube

🪩discooo     Follow

yeah Youtube isn't like Tubular, they have to actually delete all their stuff

[Tumblr Post 3]

throwaway200603    Follow

30 seconds ago

Info on Isekai_archive aka Frying Pan [full link to doc here]

• Full Name: Frying Pan
• Gear: Frying Pan
• Gender: Female
• Current Status: Hostage of Lost Temple
• Crimes: Assult, battery, aiding and abetting, identity theft, impersonation of a Blackrock official

matchabrwe    Follow

Well I guess that debunks the Archive Human theory. But what in SFOTH is happening. Why is there just a random criminal record out in the open like this???

boomb0x_fan92    Follow

you're saying this RANDOM ASS CIVILIAN managed to BREAK INTO BLACKROCK and LEAVE??? absolute POWER MOVE

ice_blad3    Follow

Holy shit. If you read the full doc it gets even wilder- because after the basic info, it switches to a note in first person. Meaning this is a cry for help written by Archive herself.

And not only that, but she casually just drops that Blackrock's top scientist, Subspace T. Mine, is apparently in deep shit for lying about what happened to Medkit. Archive is literally dropping faction secrets in her hostage mail like it's no big deal.

telamon_endrr    Follow

on gods i just read the full thing and she admits to beating up Subspace when impersonating an inspector. and she just... apologizes? she even says she went too far

ice_blad3    Follow

To be honest that's more polite than most officers in Blackrock.

phight_specs222    Follow

"I apologize for my absence, but currently my expertise in human history has landed me in hot water with the Church of the True Eye. Tell those half-blind fucks that I'm not actually going to join their daddy-issues fan club."

EXCUSE ME??? SHE JUST CALLED OUT HALF OF LOST TEMPLE LIKE THAT???

chezburger    Follow

There's an even wilder quote if you read farther:

"I didn't die and come back to life after ten millennia just to see you guys do the exact same thing we did as humans"

So APPARENTLY the "OP is a human" theory is true, she's just reincarnated. How is this real.

[Biograft]

It's been weeks since the incident. Biograft's systems tell them that it has been approximately four weeks, one day and ten hours since Frying Pan's disappearance, and it hasn't helped that everyone in Slingshot's cafe has been worried as well. Currently... they were somewhere in Thieves' Den. Where exactly, they didn't know.

They never knew what Frying Pan... Ollie? What Ollie did in her free time. Biograft had the idea that their friend was hiding something, especially after Blackrock, but the fact that one of the swords themselves were hunting her down and she was kidnapped by Lost Temple was never a possibility they considered.

[ISEKAI ARCHIVE, HM.} They'd heard of the account in passing- and being connected to the internet, they already knew that their friend was running it. IT was obvious after she posted one of the songs she'd shown him.

And what did they do? Run away like a coward. Sure, Ollie ordered them to- but it still hurt their pride to do so. Biograft cursed at themself as they tried to get comfortable, their tail plugged into a nearby extension cord they'd smuggled into a neighboring house.

[PATHETIC.} They thought. [YOU'RE PATHETIC, A DISGRACE TO ALL BIOGRAFTS. CAN'T EVEN PROTECT YOUR CHARGE.}

It didn't matter that they were siphoning energy off, barely getting enough time to charge before ducking out. They had to do something to reach out to Ollie and save her, and do it fast.

Biograft froze up a little as there was a commotion behind the wall they were leaning on. From the slightly open window, they could hear someone say "Hey sis, did you plug anything in outside?" and some shuffling.

The robot scrambled to unplug his tail, winding it back up and retracting it. They took their jacket and threw their hood over their head, trying to hide their face as they got up to run away.

Unfortunately, it seemed that luck was not on his side, and the house's resident jumped out the window instead of taking the door like they'd expected. Biograft scrabbled for their flimsy sword, holding it up with both hands.

"Oh shit, a Biograft?" To the robot's further surpise, they recognized that demon. "PHIGHTER SHURIKEN. I WAS UNAWARE YOU RESIDED HERE." They recognized him because Pan was very close to the lime-horned demon, always sitting next to him in the cafe when he had a break from serving customers.

"You're Pan's Biograft!" He exclaimed, turning to the window to shout at another demon, presumably his sister. "VINE! I found Frying Pan's Biograft out here!"

There was some footsteps going away, and the other phighter took the door out instead of the window like her little brother. Vine Staff had a worried expression on her face, gripping her gear and checking Biograft. She visibly relaxed when she saw the familiar clothes.

"Oh. It's actually her Biograft." She sighed in relief. "Not one from Blackrock... what are you doing here?"

"I HAVE BEEN FORCED TO FLEE PAN'S APARTMENT DUE TO CIRCUMSTANCES." They tried their best to convey panic in their artificial voice. "SOMETHING HAPPENED TO FRYING PAN."

Shuriken and his sister froze. The shorter demon gripped his horn in stress. "I told you something was up! Frying Pan never gets off-schedule or just disappears like that!" Shuriken grabs his sister by the shoulders. "We gotta help out!"

"Shuri- Shuri. Calm down- we'll find her, but first we need more information, okay?" She turned to Biograft. "What happened?"

"SCYTHE APPEARED IN OUR APARTMENT." Biograft explains. "TOLD PAN THAT SHE HAD TO GO TO LOST TEMPLE, OR ELSE. I WAS HIDING- PAN TOLD ME TO STAY SILENT UNTIL SHE LEFT, AND RUN AS FAR AS I CAN."

Vine Staff visibly paled, muttering under her breath. Shuriken seemed just as nervous and confused, but sucked it up and decided to ask. "Why... what does Pan have with Lost Temple that made them kidnap her?! She's just a random demon, if not a really smart one!"

There's a ping on Shuriken's phone, and he picks it up. Biograft is similarly curious, getting closer to see the screen.

"... Holy shit." On the front page of Tubular was literally Frying Pan's information, along with a short but impressive list of crimes and a hostage note.

"THIS IS... WORRYING." Biograft had a feeling that his friend was going to reach her limit- and everything else will go down with her.

[Hyperlaser]

Where the FUCK is that little rat?! She hasn't been in her apartment or the cafe in weeks! Hyperlaser was this close to just losing it and going to Katana with his findings, but he didn't want his drinking buddy to feel terrible about inviting a spy into his own home. Katana might not even trust anyone from Blackrock anymore, and Hyperlaser... he couldn't take that chance.

Come on. There's got to be a lead somewhere. Anywhere. He'd asked Subspace to comb through the records in Blackrock's military, but the scientist was scared shitless and refused to do anything related to that demon.

Hyperlaser couldn't access those records himself, despite being a phighter that was decently high-ranked in Blackrock's military. And there wasn't a single lead on her, no records in the civilian registry of Blackrock. And since Crossroads didn't have a registry at all, it was beginning to seem as if she was a complete ghost.

Illumina damn it! Just give me anything! Even a crumb of information- I can't have her scheming in the shadows!

Hyperlaser was startled out of his thoughts when Subspace came barreling down the hallway. Hyperlaser only had enough time to weave out of the way before the scientist recklessly threw some of his own bombs down.

"WHAT THE FU-" Subspace was gone before Hyperlaser could say anything. The sniper had to quickly dash into a room with a few other demons before the bombs went off, filling the hallway with Subspace's own toxins.

Hyperlaser looked at the magenta poison dissipating in the hall, coughing a bit at the slight sting in his throat. "What's gotten into him?!" The lab asstants behind him were also disoriented, confused as to why Blackrock's best scientist would act that way.

He looked at the end of the hallway, flabbergasted. "Did- did he just jump out a window." True to his words, the glass was shattered and had some flecks of Subspace's blood on it.

Seconds later, some soldiers barreled down the same hall, barking our orders. "Have you seen Subspace T. Mine?! The Blackrock Committee of Justice has a warrant for one Dr. Trip Mine!"

"Apologies, just-" Hyperlaser shoved his way to the front, squaring up against the uniformed demons. "What happened? What did Subspace do now?" He huffed under his mask. "Blow up an experiment by accident?"

"Subspace T. Mine is wanted for inquisition, on accounts of possible high treason, assault of a fellow scientist, and unethical experimentation." Hyperlaser scoffed, but kept the list of accusations in his mind- it looks like the inspector finally ratted him out.

"What, and you finally decided to investigate the last one? He's been doing it for ages." The soldier, who wore a gas mask to capture Subspace, narrowed his eyes at the mercenary. "Watch your tone, comrade Hyperlaser. And you and I both know it is simply an... accessory charge, to ensure his arrest."

"Figures." Hyperlaser points to the broken window. "He jumped out there." It's not like I liked him anyway. Damn egotistical prick.

As the soldiers stomped down, Hyperlaser decided to call it a day and go home. The day was already wild enough, so he might as well go home, take a break and relax with Princess.

It takes him only half an hour to get on the train and walk to his apartment, opening the door and being greeted with his cat's soft meows. Hyperlaser sighs, giving Princess a few scratches while he flops down on the couch, taking off his jacket to reveal his scarred neck and arms.

The demon decided to just ignore his thoughts about Frying Pan and go scrolling on any social media site. Unfortunately, fate seemed to really like messing with him. Hyperlaser tapped on the search engine and looked up what was trending on Tubular.

"Huh. That weird account's trending again. Wonder what happened." And when Hyperlaser clicked on the tag, the first thing that showed up was the original hostage post.

He stayed silent for a bit, then let out a long, frustrated groan. "Are you FUCKING kidding me?!"

So. It turned out Lost Temple got to Frying Pan before anyone else- and she wasn't an officer. Hyperlaser isn't sure if he should laugh or scream in annoyance that the same person that cost him hours of stress and sleep deprivation was literally just some civilian.

Although, it was pretty funny reading the document attached. Someone with no experience in combat committing identity fraud and simply walking into Blackrock to beat up his annoying coworker was downright hilarious.

Serves Blackrock right for braggign about their "top-of-the-line security". Can't even keep out a fatass like her. Hyperlaser snickered like a dying cat, wheezing under his mask. Blackrock's definitely humiliated- If Lost Temple doesn't kill her for this, Blackrock will.

Hyperlaser leans back, feeling a bit of relief for the first time. He's also read how Frying Pan basically outed Subspace in the hostage letter- no wonder his coworker was running like he was going to get skinned and hanged.

Wonder how Subspace is doing now.

[Subspace]

"OH SHIT OH FUCK-"

"PUT YOUR HANDS UP AND SURRENDER!" The soldiers behind him screamed, hounding Subspace as he gunned it on his own car towards Crossroads, anywhere that wasn't Blackrock.

"I REFUSE! FUCK MEDKIT AND FUCK THIS!" Subspace screeched, his voice nasally and dry due to his condition. Adrenaline raced through his veind, and he proceeded to swerve right and nearly hit a civilian. For a half-blind guy he was a decent driver-

Nevermind. Subspace just ran over two other soldiers off-duty. He drives like a maniac, screaming the entire way.

[Ban Hammer] - Aftermath

The Warden of Banland trudges towards his office, taking a few practice swings with his gear and laughing. His subordinate, a prison guard with rectangular horns, walks behind him and wisely decides to keep far away.

"And I was like, BOOM! Hit the Broker like a golf ball and sent him flying!" Ban Hammer laughs enthusiastically. "I mean, he got away, but it was so damn satisfying seeing him sail like that!"

"Uh huh. You're the boss." The guard simply nodded, knowing his bone-headed boss liked compliments to stoke his ego. Ban Hammer nodded approvingly.

The guard opens the office door for Ban Hammer, and the massive demigod walks in, proudly sitting in the spinning office chair as he flips through the cameras. His subordinate takes out a tablet and begins checking the agenda for today.

"You got any new criminals on the list, little guy?" The guard's eye twitched, clearly sensitive about his height. "No, not really- oh. It's an email from Illumina." The guard says.

Ban Hammer shrugs it off. "Pah! Old geezer always wants something done. He can ask for all I care, it doesn't matter-" At the exact moment, Ban Hammer's personal phone rang- not his work phone.

The demigod checks the caller ID. "Silence! My momma's calling me!" The security guard stands at full attention, quiet as a mouse. He didn't want to get on a sword's bad side, especially Windforce.

"Momma! It's good to hear you!" Ban Hammer eagerly says, clearly happy. "What do you need?"

Windforce's tone is rough and loud, but clearly just as affectionate as her son's. "Ban Hammer, my boy! You been slacking off again on the job?" Ban Hammer laughs a bit nervously, recalling how he'd taken several hours off to go golfing recently. "No, momma! I would never!"

The guard snickers a bit- his terrifying boss now looks like a guilty kid talking to his mom, lying through his teeth. Ban Hammer glares at him from under the blindfold.

Windforce continues. "Anyways- Illumina's being insufferable again. Something about a civilian knowing some things she shouldn't." There's the sound of claws tapping on the desk as the deity gets bored. "Honestly, if it weren't for recent developments, I'd let it go."

"And why's that, momma?" Ban Hammer leaned forward on his desk, bored as well from uncle Illumina's complaining.

Windforce smiles from the other side of the phone- a bit too sharp to be benevolent. "Why, she's a criminal. Even admitted to her own crimes on the... interweb? Is that how the young folks say it now?"

Ah-ha! Ban Hammer instantly perked up like a dog when you wave a ball in front of it. "A criminal? I'll make sure she's caught, momma!" Ban Hammer nearly knocks over the papers on his desk (not that he reads them anyway) and paces around, already eager for action.

"Now then, settle down. You ain't throwing her in Banland for a lifetime sentence." His mother chuckles. "Just... relocating her there for a while, so that the swords can discuss what to do with her. Can't have the factions getting any control over the poor thing- they'd get too much power with the knowledge she has."

And what a conundrum that was. Is she supposed to be a prisoner or a guest? Because his mom was talking like the criminal was not supposed to be roughed up. Ban Hammer groaned, disappointed that he wouldn't get a fight. "Awwww, okay, momma. I'll make sure the criminal won't have a scratch on her!"

"Good! That's why you're my favorite, Ban!" Windforce says proudly. "Now- I've sent you some basic information. Go get her." She hangs up.

Ban Hammer read the stuff his mother gave him. Well, more of like skimmed- he wasn't the best at staying focused on boring things like words.

What he got out of it was her appearance, the fact she was younger than any of the Phighters, and that she was currently held at Lost Temple as a hostage. Ban Hammer of course zeroed in on her crimes. "Breaking into Blackrock, impersonation, assult! Pah!" He scoffed. "Do you see this, guard?"

"My name is Orinthian Shield, sir." The guard sighs. "But yes."

"Exactly! Why is she getting off with cushy treatment! All that's important is that she knows some old stuff!" The tyrant of Banlands hoisted his hammer up to his shoulder, an unimpressed scowl on his face. "I'll make sure she's properly punished- without harming her, of course."

Average internet meme circa 201X after Isekai Achive’s doxxing

Chapter Text

[Ban Hammer]

The warden manages to find himself in Lost Temple relatively easily. After all, it was where his nemesis lived- he’d fought Scythe on her home turf way too many times to count. 

Ban Hammer huffs, lifting up his blindfold a bit to look over the horizon. Being a demigod, his vision was incredibly good- he could see one of the smaller towns over the savanna plains. With a giant leap, he flies into the air and lands down with a minor shockwave at the edge of the settlement.

One of the civilians stepped back, clearly afraid of Ban Hammer. He grins toothily and levels his hammer at them. “Well, hello to you all! Have any of you fine, upstanding citizens seen a criminal?”

The civilian gulped, tilting their horns down in a sign of submission. “S-Scythe ain’t been here, mister warden sir.”

Ban Hammer laughs, and pulls out a wanted poster. “Oh, I ain’t talking about her today. I’m out hunting for one of her little prizes.” The shorter demon backs up, shivering at how close the tyrant was to them. “A little Miss Frying Pan. Says here that she was last seen in Lost Temple.”

“If that’s the case, we ain’t seen hide nor hair of that lass.” The civilian says. “But if you want to get it checked out, there’s a down-under town with a church three miles from here. They might’ve taken ‘er there.”

The other townsfolk surround the warden, warily eying him.  However, one younger demon kid eagerly runs up to the warden, looking up with stars in his eyes. It's ridiculous, how small the young one is compared to the massive demigod- it's like he's a tiny kitten.The child circles his legs for a bit before tugging at his armor curiously.

"Awww, hey there little buddy." He gave the child a pat on the head, and the kid somehow gets even more starry-eyed.  "What do you need?"

The kid pulls up a small paper with an adorably messy drawing of the warden. The crayon drawing was taken by Ban Hammer, and he hums. "My horns aren't that crooked... but you did good, kid." He gives them a thumbs up, and the child beams.

Another demon runs up, corralling the kid back into the crowd and looking warily at the warden. "Caltrop, sweetie- it's the warden. Be careful."

Ban Hammer gives the demons a wink and a wave before leaping out of the town and trudging to the next area. The heat of the desert is basically nothing to him- spending most of your time in a volcanic prison island basically makes all heat seem tame compared to it.

The only thing the warden wasn't used to was the sand. Oh gods, it got everywhere. He grumbled, annoyed about how it got in the crevices of his armor and made him itch. Why did the savanna even have sand here, from all the wind?!

Ban Hammer hoped that his next stop would be more useful in his search, because damn it, this was not worth his time! 

It took an hour of walking and leaping to finally reach the bustling town. The warden walked forwards, strolling like he wasn't just intruding on the Church's territory. Some of the merchants took one glance at Ban Hammer and dipped, stuffing their bux in their pockets and slipping away into the alleyways.

Ban Hammer raises an eyebrow as he hears some shouting in the town square. Being incredibly tall, he could see exactly what was going on.

A few of the church members were walking around, holding flyers with his target's face on them. Scythe was in the middle with Broker, clearly frustrated as her partner-in-crime fumbled with the flyers. Immediately when he saw his rival, Ban Hammer's singular braincell vaporized and he roared.

"SCYTHE! Get back here, CRIMINAL!" He charges ahead like a bull. Scythe immediately perks up, eager to get an excuse to ignore her duties. She picks up her gear, switching it to rifle mode, and peppers Ban Hammer with energy bullets.

"Hahaha! Well if it isn't the oversized dumbass! Howdy, partner!" She tips her hat, and stuns Ban Hammer with her bull's-eye ability. The warden is knocked back a bit, but digs his feet onto the ground and swings his massive hammer at Scythe.

The warden growls, and Scythe dodges with another smug cackle. "I'm not letting you get away this time! You've got someone that the swords want." Her eyes narrowed at that, and she hisses like a snake. "I don't know what you're saying, sugar. What's Banland want with the Church now?"

The other demons in the Church of the True Eye begin to stir, clearly starting to agitate due to the warden interfering in their matters. One of them, a demon with antelope-like horns, started fidgeting with her potion bottle.

Ban Hammer tanks a few more bullets, and Scythe switches her gear to scythe mode. The tyrant of Banland parries her blade. "You've got Frying Pan locked up, don't you?" He grins sharply. "She needs to be in Banland, not Lost Temple."

"And why should that matter?" Scythe's expression shifts back to annoyance at being reminded of what she was supposed to be doing. "Not like she's even here. The bitch went missing hours ago- you just missed her."

The larger demon scowled, clearly not believing it. "And why should I believe you, hm? What's stopping me from ignoring her and just going after you?" Scythe gloats, spreading her arms as she monologues. "Because she is an asset, as irritating as she was. All that knowledge, at our fingertips!"

Scythe continues to talk, dodging Ban Hammer's swings with practiced ease. "The Church's profits and recruitment efforts increased by fifty percent because of her expertise. We won't be leaving without getting our golden goose back!"

Ban Hammer was dumb, yes- but even he understood the idea of depriving his enemy of a resource. And from how she was talking, Frying Pan was a valuable resource. So if he went for her instead, he'd stop Scythe and her cohorts from getting more power.

There was a small feeling in the back of his head that maybe it was wrong to think of someone as an asset and not a person, but at this point, why did it matter? Ban Hammer pushed the thought away. She's a criminal. No matter what happens, she is a law-breaker first and foremost. For the safety of the Inpherno, she must be brought to justice.

Not like Ban Hammer cared- he'll find her. He always finds his targets. The warden stops fighting, pointing his weapon at the gear launderer. "You're lucky today, Scythe. I ain't out for you today- I'm here on my mama's own orders."

He hefts up his hammer, trying to leave- but the Church of the True Eye surrounded him. Broker has already ran away to spread the news, but the priests and followers stayed with Scythe, leveling their gears at him.

Ban Hammer narrows his eyes beneath his blindfold. "So... you want a fight anyways." The demigod leans over, lowering his horns to charge. "Don't tell me I didn't warn you."

[Ollie]

Ollie had one little habit that served her well in life (aside from her GPA and the fact she adapted well) was how she liked to sleep in small, cramped places. As plump as she was, if she could fit, she sits. Just like a stray dog.

Currently, the human-turned-demon was huddled in a small rocky outcropping, where she'd snuck out of the city and hid out in one of the rocky parts of the savanna nearby. The heat beat down on her even as she hid in the rocks, reminding her of the time she experienced a heat wave in high school.

She wasn't sure how to feel about her identity as Frying Pan. She wasn't really acting with her personality- Ollie really was awkward and friendly when she was alive. But... she'd lied about her backstory. They didn't know she used to be human, and now she just put that out on blast on the internet, no thoughts whatsoever.

Oh god. What have I done. She gripped the stolen bag in her hand, feeling the fabric in her hand and trying not to lose it even more. What have I done.

There was the sound of fighting in the distance, with some loud shouting and blasting. She could pick it up because of how it was getting louder and louder- not because it was getting closer, but because there were more and more people coming in to fight.

Ollie poked her head out, making sure to not let her glasses reflect the sunlight and give away her position. She could see some more vehicles roll into the town- she recognized Hyperlaser's car, Vine Staff and Shuriken's sedan, and a few more military vehicles roll into the town.

She felt... touched, in a way. Some of her friends actually showed up for her. Nobody except my parents have done that for me. Ollie felt the urge to go out and maybe slip back in, but the risk was too high. Her mind screamed at her to run and hide, high-strung from all the tension in the last few weeks.

The short demon still had to go. And so, she crawled out and turned to the direction of the savanna, where Scythe said Thieves' Den was. She hoisted the bag of supplies over her shoulder, and began to walk off quietly.

Before she could react, there was a loud wooshing sound behind her, and a massive form landed in front of her. Ollie took a step back, realizing she was standing behind a threat. The massive demon stood up from his kneeling pose, towering at almost seven feet tall.

Regal purple armor, with massive steel gauntlets. A tattered blindfold, tied under massive sickle-shaped horns. Holy fucking shit. Ollie was standing right behind the warden of Banland, the son of Windforce himself- Ban Hammer.

Ollie defaulted back to her original plan. It depended who would get to her first, once she doxxed herself on Tumblr- if Shuriken and Vine Staff managed to sneak her out, she'd have no issue. If Blackrock found her, she'd be screwed, but her idea was to goad them into fighting with Lost Temple for control over her, and sneak out when distracted.

And if Ban Hammer went after her? She was safe in prison. Uncomfortable, yes, but still safe from the Church of the True Eye and Blackrock. Ollie mulled over the pros and cons of going to jail, and due to her already dwindling sanity, decided to go "fuck it".

As she carefully walked forward, she saw Ban Hammer looking over his phone and grumbling, possibly thinking about something. Ollie was barely over half as tall as Ban Hammer, reaching up to the small of his back.

In a (admittedly) dumb move, she reached out and tapped him on the back. "Hey, Ban-"

And before she knew it, the warden spun around with his weapon, swinging his gear with the force of a train. If Ollie didn't duck and if she wasn't short, the hammer would have smashed her head in and definitely killed her.

She froze, terror filling her again like an empty cup being filled with cold lemonade- bitter, sharp, and familiar. Death took her once- it would not take her again.

Ollie couldn't see Ban Hammer's face, because she'd already turned around and ran. She knew it was futile, because she knew she could never run far before getting tired- but she might as well try to stay alive.

[Ban Hammer]

He'd swung out of pure adrenaline from the recent fight, and out of muscle memory. Nobody snuck behind him with good intentions, and so he snarled as he tried his best to see who managed the feat.

Ban Hammer saw a flash of teal and navy, and the unknown demon had slipped back into one of the rocks to hide. He panicked, clearly frustrated that someone had followed him when he wanted to rest from the chaotic fight. "Get back here, coward!" The warden swung at those rocks, cracking them.

The aggressor didn't run out- they probably tunneled around the surrounding rocks, trying to run. It was probably one of the Church of the True Eye, from the teal they were dressed in. Ban Hammer began chasing the quick flashes of teal and the labored, panicked breathing under the rocks.

It was like playing a game of whack-a-mole, except with a person instead of a mole. The more the rocks collapsed, the less cover his enemy had. Ban Hammer laughed in an intimidating way, his steps reverberating the ground. "Can't hide forever! You'll have to run out sooner or later!"

With one lucky swing, there was a shrill scream and a sickening crack noise. Ban Hammer felt satisfaction at finally catching a criminal, and jumped down with a thump to check out his handiwork. "Ha! Another one caught for momma! I'll be putting you in-"

He stopped, looking down when he couldn't see his opponent. For the first time, his blood ran cold as he looked down. He recognized that face from the files his mom sent him.

The demon below him was tiny, even smaller than Valk. With how Frying Pan was laying on the floor, she looked even smaller- harmless and scared like a puppy. Her leg was bent and split to the bone from the rock shard that fell on it, blood seeping into the savanna ground. Ban Hammer felt like he just kicked an innocent animal, and the sounds. Oh gods, the sounds.

Frying Pan was twenty, according to her file- but the way she was panicking and whining made him feel guilty. It was quiet sobs mixed with terrified, desperate screams- also dampened, as if she was trying to futilely stay quiet to hide from a predator. From under her breath, Ban Hammer could hear her begging for help.

"Mom, mom, please- dad, anyone, where are you, please-" Another soft hiccup and sob, and a hiss as she tugged on her broken leg in a desperate attempt to get away. "Ozzie, please, help help help-"

Ban Hammer smelt the metallic blood in the air. He knew that he did something wrong, and that made him pause. He hoisted his gear, gingerly taking off the stones to set Frying Pan free. The small demon tried to run, but buckled and screamed from her right leg bending and bleeding.

"Criminal. Stop." His voice was firm, not liking the fact that this... delinquent made him have a crisis of faith. There was no exception to the law, and that was that. “You are now under arrest for identity theft, assault, and trespassing. Do not resist.”

The demon goes quiet, only hissing a bit in pain. She struggles a bit, but only to get her bleeding leg off the ground and away from the dirt. It’s such a departure from her previous screaming, but Ban Hammer realizes that it’s out of fear, like a prey animal trying to hide from a hunter.

It doesn’t change the warden’s mind. It didn’t. He carefully lifts her up, cupping the tiny demon in his arms instead of throwing her over his shoulder like how he usually carries his prisoners.

Frying Pan was light work compared to his own gear. Ban Hammer’s getting freaked out from how quiet she’s being now- there was only the sound of labored, terrified breathing.

The warden decides to lighten the mood with small talk- at least Scythe went and yapped more! “You’re an impressive criminal for such a tiny bug. I guess you’re a good sneak because of it, shortstack!”

”…” Frying Pan still stayed quiet, shrinking back even more. Ban Hammer frowns a bit. “Quiet one, aren’t you? What a scaredy-cat cat.” I wonder what she’s thinking about. Probably scared out of her mind to meet me! Ha!

[Ollie]

I fucking hate law enforcement. Ollie is completely silent, but inside, she’s seething in resentment. If that corrupt, idiotic pig opens his mouth again, I’m going to bite his damn hand off, and I won’t care if he bashes my head in again.

Being trapped in a cult for weeks and staying on edge 24/7 has caused the former human to become more violent, damn the consequences. And it also doesn’t help that her current mood is “I don’t give a damn if I die”.

Ollie had a complicated history with police. She used to trust them, especially when her old home was right next to a police station- but after the pandemic, the constant discrimination and sheer incompetence that Ollie saw pissed her off beyond recognition.

Fucking cop. She knew very well what dumbasses with power did when they put the law above everything else. Bet he’ll throw me in prison with the leg he broke.

Ban Hammer tried to talk again, his (in Ollie’s opinion) insufferable voice booming out. “Momma told me that you gotta go in a holding cell until the swords decide what to do with you. They say you’re an odd little critter.”

Ollie turns to the warden to show off her most annoyed, unamused face, making sure to not shift her broken leg too much. “I hope your stub your toe on a table and it hurts.”

The massive demon pauses a bit, surprised that his prisoner actually talked. He laughed, jostling Ollie a bit and making her wince. “Even your insults are small and adorable! What a loser.” Ban Hammer lifts her up a bit more as if to make her see the landscape better as he travels to Ban Land.

Ollie’s eye twitches at being called small. She was fine when it was her friends joking with her- it was not fine when Ban Hammer was demeaning her like this.

”… Are you even going to heal my leg?” She levels as neutral of a glare as she can. Ban Hammer shrugs. “I’m not a healer. Besides, you ran.” He reaches the edge of Lost Temple, where a transport van was waiting. “I simply stopped you.”

That motherfucking BITCH. Ollie was just as offended and outraged as when she learned how expensive American healthcare was. You have the AUDACITY to break my leg, call ME short, and arrest me? Right after my damn escape?!

She mutters under her breath, furious. “You’re a fucking disappointment.” Ollie tries to make sure that Ban Hammer can’t hear her. “Just like the others. I don’t even know why I expected better.”

Unfortunately, a demon known for wearing a blindfold and deliberately hindering his sight would have better hearing. He heard her loud and clear, and his ego wasn’t having it.

Ban Hammer doesn’t throw her in the truck- he has some standards. But he does stop carrying her and lets her down on the prison transport van, and sat on the opposite side, his toothy smile replaced with an unpleased expression.

”I ain’t like other demons, mouse!” He flexes his muscles, misunderstanding her insult. “Nobody’s like the tyrant of Ban Land, and nobody is gonna be as good as me!”

Ollie, who is just completely done with it, shifts herself up into a careful sitting position. “You heard what I said. It’s fucking pathetic. I’m not talking about you- I’m taking about how you somehow do the same things we did millions of years ago. Still the same mistakes, still the same problems.”

It was the warden’s time to be completely stunned silent. She continues, knowing that she sounded older. More tired and frustrated, like the ancient being she was to them. Even the driver is listening in with an open mouth, shocked at the gall of the prisoner.

”You act like an entitled man-child. You take the law as gospel and leave a trail of bodies in your wake, not even caring if your victims broke the law for a good reason.” She narrows her eyes. “Judge, jury, executioner… and a fucking criminal.”

[Ban Hammer]

Never in his forty-six years of life has he heard someone have the gall to accuse him of such a thing, right in front of his face. Even when the prison van pulled up to Ban Land, he was still irritated and uncomfortable.

Because what the prisoner- Frying Pan, she was a person too- what she said got under his skin. The idea that he was lawful but not just weighed on his mind as he dragged her up from the van and into the holding cells for the other prisoners.

”H-hey. You said- you said you were going to put me in a holding cell.” The small demon’s head craned up to see the cages on the edges of cliffs. “There’s other people here.”

He doesn’t respond, just shoving her into a cell located next to some other low-risk prisoners. She lands on her bad leg with a yelp and small screech of pain, and Ban Hammer has to push down that traitorous thought again.

I’m not a criminal. I’m not. SHE’S the one who broke the law, not me! He doesn’t even bother to look back after he locked the cell door.

There was a small part of him that began to realize that maybe she had a point- that if she really was as old as she felt, then maybe that thing about him repeating the mistakes of the past-

No. No nothing it’s just her. It’s just her trying to get out of a prison sentence, it doesn’t have to do with me. Ban Hammer was older than most of the Phighters, but it didn’t mean he could think about it. It’s not me! I’m just, I’m the damn warden!

He stomped back to his office, distracted. He didn’t even assign any of the guards he passed to look after his newest prisoner- after all, she had a broken leg, and was small and weak. Nothing would come of leaving her alone, even when she was with the other low-risk prisoners.

Ban Hammer went back in his office chair with a groan, the chair creaking from his weight. He looks back at the guard still in his room. “Hey, guard!” The familiar demon looks up at him, tired. “Yes, sir…?”

”Ehhh… something Shield? I don’t remember your name- pah. As if it matters.” Ban Hammer pushes the papers on Frying Pan towards him, and picks up the phone to dial Windforce.

The phone rings a bit, and he gives a shaky smile as he pushes his own thoughts aside. “Hello, momma! I’ve got the criminal locked up- did you meet with Illumina?”

He could hear her snort through the speakers. “Oh, yes. And he’s being an absolute prick, more than usual. Venomshank and Darkheart have been arguing with him for two hours now, and I can’t stand being here.”

The deity sighs, and adjusts her helmet so her phone can fit under it better. “But you’ve done well, son. Good job.” Ban Hammer beams at the praise, but it fades as what Frying Pan echoes through his mind again.

”Hey, momma…” The demigod hunches over his desk, tracing the wood with his claws. “I- I broke her leg by accident. I don’t- it feels wrong to leave her in the cell, momma.”

Windforce is quiet for a second, and her voice is stern as she responds. “Ban Hammer. Did you hurt her?”

”Well, she was trying to run, and you know I don’t let a single criminal get away-“ Windforce cuts him off with a frustrated, almost-stressed tone. “Son. There’s a reason why we want her, and it’s because she’s unlike anything we know. Did you even read her file, Hammer?”

”I was busy, momma! I didn’t have time to!” His mother seems even more stern at this. “If you did, then you would have know she might be older than us. Older than the swords, son!”

Ban Hammer’s blood ran cold for the first time as he realized that his prisoner might have not been bluffing when she said he was repeating the mistakes of the past- and she would have been justified in calling him a criminal.

She was.. right? No. No, she’s a threat- but she’s older than momma. So that means she knows better. But-

“You at least helped her up, right?” Windforce’s voice is more nervous now, worried for her son. “Put her in the holding cells, and made her comfortable?”

”…” Ban Hammer was quiet. His mother hissed at him. “Ban Hammer. Tell me what you did, right now.”

[Ollie]

He took my stuff. My damn bag, my supplies-! Ollie headbutted the iron bars, gingerly hobbling on a broken leg as she leaned on the prison walls. Once in a while, she would stumble and put some weight on her broken leg, wheezing in pain.

She sees a few other demons in the holding cells- a smattering of intimidating-looking people from various factions. All of them seemed to be incapacitated or low-risk like her- missing limbs, limping, or just generally old or weak.

Ollie saw a few from the Church of the True Eye, a few rogue mercenaries and soldiers from Blackrock… even a few that she assumed was from Playground, based on their casual clothing.

Ollie drags herself to the edge of the bars, waving hello. “Yo. What’s up?” They look at the new arrival, and a few of them snort. One of them bursts out ion laughter.

“The warden’s caging up kids now?!” He wheezes. “Man, what are you even in for?”

Ollie decides to turn up the charm- act casual and friendly, and make allies. It was how she got so far, after all. “Apparently, going to Blackrock is a crime now.” She rolls her eyes. “It’s not like it was hard breaking in- I literally said I was an officer and the dumbasses believed it.”

One of the Blackrock demons locked up nearby snapped his head up, eying her. “You’re that сука that broke in and beat up Subspace!” He laughs, his voice snarling and amused.

”What, is it a problem?” He shakes his head, sitting down closer in his own cell. “Nah. That bastard had it coming- I hear he’s on the run now, after what you’ve done.”

Ollie spent two hours making friends with the prisoners. She found out their names, what they were in for- her favorite story was from Poison Picnic- an unlucky guy from playground who accidentally let his gear, a poisonous pie, fall into the local water supply when doing parkour.

He ended up with three charges of murder and twenty other demons sick. She had to wince from that. “And they didn't let you have a lawyer or something?”

”Nah, I’m broke as hell. Do I look like I can afford a lawyer?” He gestures over to the tank top and prison uniform pants he was wearing. Ollie pauses. “… Fair point.”

After a few more minutes, she was getting bored. “So like, did anybody stage a prison break from Ban Land before?”

“Oh, we have.” One of the Church members, a demon missing both her arms and one horn, rolled her eyes. “But it’s harder to get out of Ban Land itself instead of the cells. Like, who’s gonna drive us out of a literal lava island?”

Ollie thinks about it, and shrugs. “I can hotwire one of the prison trucks.” And she can- tons of hours just messing around on her laptop led her to random topics. Hotwiring cars was just one of the more useful ones, other than how to shuffle cards and always win tic-tac-toe.

The cellmate next to her snorts. “Yeah, that’s cool and that, but how are we gonna get out of the cells first? I mean, usually Broker gets us out and leaves us until we get captured again.”

She looks around the low-security prison for a bit- and thinks hard about what she has on hand. Ollie is the only one to have access to her gear because it always teleports to her, no matter what (thank god Ban Hammer didn’t know that).

She thinks again. What did I wish for again? It follows me everywhere and… Something clicks for her. It’s indestructible. My laptop’s indestructible, so if i hit it, it doesn’t break no matter what.

Ollie’s eyes go from her laptop, to the lock on her cell door. It goes back to her laptop. “… I’m about to do what people back in my day call a ‘pro gamer move’.”

”What the fuck does that even mean?”

[Ban Hammer] - Aftermath

”Momma- I swear, I’m perfectly safe, momma!” Ban Hammer tries to calm his mom down, and as every person with a mom knows, an angry mom is one of the scariest things in the world. Even the massive warden is cowering in his office.

”Ban Hammer, you and I are going to have a long talk, young man! Treating a prisoner like that! I raised you better, even if they are insignificant mortals!”

”Momma, it’s not like she’s actually powerful!” He laughs. “She’s barely half my size and can barely fight. What damage can one demon with a broken leg do?”

As if fate decided to fuck with Ban Hammer specifically, the alarm for prison breakouts sounded, and the sirens wailed loud enough for Windforce to hear over the phone.

 ”…” She was definitely fuming. The warden shrunk back more. “Momma, it probably isn’t her! It’s probably Broker sneaking in to break out his friends again-“

A guard ran down the hall, practically slamming the door to the side. “Boss! There’s a breakout in the low-security cells! All the locks are broken with blunt force- I don’t even know how that happened even when you’ve confiscated all their gears!”

Ban Hammer looks down at the frying pan on his desk, then at the guard, and then back to the pan. Another guard runs in, screeching at the top of his lungs. “THEY’VE TAKEN OVER THE CONTROL ROOM! MAYDAY, MAYDAY-“

The PA system blares to life, and one of the prisoners shouts in it. “Hit the button, Launcher!” There’s a glass shattering noise and a click as Ban Hammer looks at the security cameras.

All of the cell doors, from high-security to low-security, that didn’t have normal locks on them, popped open.

”… Fuck.”

Chapter Text

[Vine Staff]

Honestly, the things I do for my friends...

It was no surprise that Vine Staff disliked Lost Temple. The only reason why she didn't say that she hated it completely was because she was the kind of demon to not use the word "hate" lightly it was unbecoming for her. Her dislike didn't really stem from the well-held stereotype that Lost Temple demons were all rich, selfish bastards - Vine Staff knew better than that.

Instead, she disliked the climate. Sand got everywhere on her robes, and she grumbled as she stood on the sidelines of the battle in the middle of the small town. Shuriken was hopping from rooftop to rooftop, sneaking in hits as the battle between the Church demons and some angry Blackrock soldiers boiled over. The strange Biograft that Pan owned opted to stay close to her brother, eying the fight.

Vine Staff could hear shouting from both sides. "You harbored a criminal and aided in her escape! If not for the leak, we would have been blind to such a transgression!" The unnamed soldier roared, shooting at a Church follower and missing.

Someone else hissed, and adjusted their robes as she lobbed a fireball at the Blackrock soldier. "As if we'd let a goldmine like her be used up by the likes of you! Blackrock's been getting too comfortable with Lost Temple borders."

"What do you mean by that, huh?! You religious nutcases have been getting paranoid, I tell ya!"

The Church demons snarled and made various displeasured gestures at being referred to as 'nutcases'. "Don't play dumb with us! Ever since the war ended, you've been eying us like free territory- nevermind the damn alliance!"

Vine Staff tilted her head at the gossip- it wasn't everyday that someone from Thieves' Den got an idea of the political landscape between their former enemies. And it seems like after the war, the two factions has tension brewing between them despite seeming like mutual allies...

She tensed as she saw a Blackrock soldier turn to Shuriken, readying a shot- but the demon was distracted when a familiar face joined the fray, slamming his body against the attacker.

"Sword!" Vine Staff beamed, relieved to see her teammate arrive. For some reason, he looked tired and stressed. "You came! Did you hear about Frying Pan?"

"... Yeah. I did." He sighed, lowering his sword but backing away from the battle, drawing the attention of both sides. The phighter yelled at the crowd. "What's going on here?! This is the middle of Lost Temple- what in Inphinity is Blackrock doing here?!"

A demon clad in black tactical gear gestured to one of the robed Church members. "They have been harboring a fugitive of Blackrock here, and therefore broke the accords between our regions! This is not a tolerable offense!"

Sword froze, and Vine Staff looked worried. She expected them to be here for Pan, but to be this interested in her new friend...

Sword tried to steady his expression. "I assure you, Medkit is not-" The phighter was interrupted by the solider straightening up. "This matter does not concern Medkit, in fact, that demon has been proven to not have been been a traitor. His charges of insurgency have been transferred to the real culprit, Doctor Subspace T. Mine."

A Church member let out a stunned hiss and Scythe's eye twitched, realizing Sword's unintentional slip-up. She lunged at Vine Staff's teammate, only for him to Dolphin Slash out of the way.

The Blackrock solider who spoke slowly began to connect the new dots. "... Wait there. Why did you mention former fugitive Medkit instead of Frying Pan? Why was he the first name you thought of when we stated our intentions, phighter?" 

Sword stepped back, and the Blackrock soldiers raised their weapons towards Scythe and the other Church followers. The tension in the air thickened.

"Tell me. Did you fools harbor two major fugitives under Blackrock's nose?" The sound of a reload cracked through the air. "Lost Temple took in Medkit without prior knowledge of his innocence... absolutely unacceptable."

Vine Staff had only a few moments to take cover with Shuriken and the Biograft before the sound of gunfire and fighting filled the air, this time more frantic than before.

"Traitorous idiots! We should have expected such from ungrateful desert dwellers!"

""You Blackrock plebians don't deserve assets as valuable as the healer and the historian!"

The female demon carefully navigated behind the buildings, avoiding the gunfight and ignoring the rising feeling of dread as the battle began to heat up more and more. Am I witnessing the start of the second great war? Is this... is this the end of peace?

She hoisted herself up to the fortified position on the roof her younger brother hid behind, scooting next to him. "Shuriken, if this goes on- we need to get out of here, before we-" He shivers, curling into his hood. "Yeah. I- I know. How? I- the transport, it's way too deep into Lost Temple to call for Zuka again-"

Vine Staff peeks over the corner to see how Sword is doing. The Phighter is doing well at dodging attacks from both sides of the battle, visibly struggling to corral them out of the civilian area. A stray shot nicks his arm, and he gives a pained huff.

The pink healer has to duck again when a stray bullet whizzes near her horns, and she clasps her hands together in a prayer. "Please, gods, just anyone, make this stop-!"

There's the sound of a caw, and she opens her eyes to see a black crow perched near their hiding spot. Confused, Vine Staff speaks to it in a hush. "Come on, take cover, it's not safe for you there-"

There's a sudden "boom!" that resonates throughout the battlefield, and then the sound of shocked screams and shouts. Vine Staff and Shuriken look up as the sounds of battle abruptly cease. Shuriken's mouth is open in shock, and Vine Staff in similarly stunned. "By the Swords..."

Because three of the Swords were actually there. Venomshank stands right in front of Sword, a grim determination on his masked face as he points his blade at the Lost Temple and Blackrock fighters. "Cease this foolish conflict."

The Blackrock soldiers back off, knowing that actually fighting a god was stupid. Even the Church members, fanatical as they were, knew not to mess with the divine. The god of rot and undead sheathed his blade with a glare in his eye, as if he was offended at the messy battle.

Right behind him was fucking Illumina himself, flanked by Ghostwalker. This shot the mood from aggressively tense to nervously tense, as in 'oh gods why is Illumina here, we're all going to die'. The sword looked down at all the demons presumptuously, then shot a glare at Venomshank.

"Why you insisted on following me here is unnecessary and asinine, Venomshank. You know I was here for one thing and one thing only, not your... pitiful-"  The toxic-green god hissed at his brother, gripping the hilt of his gear. "Enough. You of all people should know the danger of loose information."

Illumina sniffed, and waved off Ghostwalker. "Ghostwalker- make sure these mortals keep quiet about the affairs of gods. And, oh-" He gives a dangerous smile to the nervous demons below him. "A quick declaration- Frying Pan is mine to deal with. Her matters are directly in the Swords' interest, and another faction war would be... unnecesary."

He points his blade at a shivering Church member, and stares them down. "Now... where has the little pest gone, hm?"

[Ollie]

"This is the wildest fuckin' day of my LIIIIFE!" The former human was seated carefully on the shoulders of another inmate as they barreled down the hallway and into the parking lot of Ban Land. Honestly, it amused her that literal Hell had a parking lot for the prison workers - it reminded her of one of those large Walmart parking lots, except it was filled with prison vans and police cars.

Ollie whistled, impressed. "Oh damn these things are loaded. Is that a mounted minigun on a squad car?!" She pointed to the aforementioned minigun-mounted car. The prisoners groaned.

"Yeah, Ban Hammer wastes the budget on way too much equipment... or his golfing obsession." Ollie blinks and tilts her head as she scans the parking lot, picking out a large armored van to hijack. "Don't tell me there's a minigolf course in Ban Land of all places."

"Gods, no. Or at least I hope not." They dissolved into friendly banter, the inmates helping her out while she stumbled through hot-wiring the ignition. It felt nice, hearing everyone talk.

"Imagine the big bad warden accidentally hitting his golfball into the lava. Ha! He'd be pissed." The Lost Temple prisoner snickered, leaning back on a car. A Thieves' Den prisoner gives a snort. "Guess that's were all the taxes in Crossroads goes to. Buying new golf balls for the warden."

Ollie has to bite down a wheeze and focus on the car, and the engine roars to life. "Finally! Yes - okay, if you want to start up the engine, touch the red wires together, then the black wire with the grey wire. Got it?"

Six prisoners cram themselves in the back while one hops into the driver's seat. She opens the door for the small demon. "Hop in, kid. We're getting out of here."

Ollie thinks it over. If she left to any faction, she'd be hunted down and trapped again. Ban Land was damn uncomfortable, and Ban Hammer would definitely break her legs again if she got caught- but it was better than possibly causing more chaos outside.

"... No thanks." She dragged her broken leg down, hissing. "Look, I- I'm gonna hot-wire more cars. You go- take another guy. I'm getting as many fugitives out of here as possible."

The driver snorts, a disbelieving look on her face. "Damn self-sacrificing brat. You aren't going to make it out of this alive." Ollie pauses, but then finally nods. "I know. But fuck the gods, I like taking chances."

"If thats the case... if you manage to survive, my place's in Playground. It's open to you." Ollie nods at the invitation, and the prisoner drives off.

She's helped up by some more escaped prisoners to the next truck, and flops down under the driver's seat. Her short claws pry open the panel and she gets to work, testing out every wire she can.

Ollie manages to hot-wire three more trucks with shaky hands, ignoring the pain in her broken leg and slowly getting better at using the skill. She thanked whatever higher powers brought her here that the trucks and vans were older models and that hot-wiring actually worked with them. Thank god for outdated equipment and Ban Hammer being too lazy to update his transport...

It's when she reaches her fifth truck and she hears a distant boom from inside the prison that she snaps her head around in a cold sweat. Ollie catches a pillar of light in her vision and goes 'oh shit', hurriedly ripping off the front panel and shoving the wires together to spark.

"Shit shit shit- get out of here, guys, I think someone's coming-!" She wedges herself into the bottom of the passenger seat, and the rest of the criminals file in, shoving to get inside the last armored van she hot-wired.

The demon in the driver's seat, a scrawny but scarred warrior with dark red horns, hit the gas pedal and the van lurched forward at a high speed. They raced down the road to Ban Land's exit, hoping to the gods that they made it out.

Unfortunately, the gods were (literally) not on their side. A harsh gust of wind slammed into the side and sending the van rolling. Ollie is thrown around the van, while a few prisoners luckily land in the ground around the van. "Fuck fuck fuck- shit!" She hisses, squeezing herself in a corner as tight as possible and throwing her hoodie over her body to hide it. "Hide!"  The rest of the prisoners groggily correct themselves, and then freeze as they realize who was in front of the downed car.

None other than Windforce was there, an unamused snarl on her face and her gear menacingly gripped in her claws. "Criminals. Messing with my dear son's prison?!" She stomped, sending a literal tornado of broken ground flying at the crooks.

Ollie stayed quiet, squeezing her eyes shut. The only thing that didn't make her faint then and there was the pain from her leg keeping her awake, and the heat making her head throb. No, I just wanted to- I just wanted it to go back to normal, I want to go home-

She had to choke back a gag as she heard the scream of one of the criminals as there was a thump, and then the sound of splashing and sizzling lava. The scream, oh god, was that what dying in a fight sounded like? The young demon tried not to notice the smell of burnt meat that filled the air afterward, and was slowly getting more prominent as the fight went on.

It was a massacre. Sure, they were criminals- Ollie knew that some of the people she helped free didn't deserve it, and would undoubtedly harm others. But... this was way too far. Not a dignified death.

... No. This- I'm going to die anyway. Why am I afraid? Ollie felt that familiar dissociative fugue rise up, but the sharp jolt of pain in her leg kept it at bay. Yeah- focus. I can- I can do this.

Ollie digs her legs into the car, and wiggles out of the spot she crammed herself in. She slowly flopped out of the window, on the other side of the van and away from Windforce's sight.

Think. Ollie narrowed her eyes, assessing the situation from the view under the van. The wind is too damn strong- but wind is always stronger the higher up it is. And she's focusing on the prisoners only...

Ollie drags herself on the ground like a crocodile, her belly scraping the rocky ground. Her movements only made quiet shifting noises, drowned out by the screaming of prisoners and howling of heavy wind. The former human gradually dragged herself closer and closer to the enraged god.

She did the one thing she did often- pray. Because she knew higher beings existed, the deity that brought her here was surely more powerful than the gods here. God- whoever you are that threw me here- you wanted entertainment, right? You want comedy, for it to be funny?

Ollie grinned, pulling her indestructible, teleporting laptop from under her. It'd be funny if a mortal took out a so-called god.

[???]

"Aw man, finally! Some action!" The sound of munching popcorn filled the amorphous black void, and 'hands' (if they could even be called hands- more of like indescribably branches mimicking an appendage) tossed popcorn into a 'mouth'. "[REDACTED], I know you like that lame-ass slice-of-life genre, but come on! This is some entertainment!"

"Watching a mortal have a breakdown is rather repetitive, [EXPUNGED]. If I wanted to see that I'd just appear in that plane of reality and watch the ants freak out."

"Whatever, man..." The indescribable being rolled it's eyes, both a thousand and none at the same time. "Hey- it's been a while since you got a prayer. Gonna answer it?"

"Obviously. It would be hilarious." [REDACTED] made a whirring caw-caw, a mix between a raven's laugh and the amused screams of thousands. "Pass the popcorn. I'm going to let the little human do some Looney-Tunes shit."

[Ollie]

The former human took a deep breath, and waited until Windforce's whole back was turned, unable to see Ollie with any of her four eyes. She rolled to the side, holding her laptop with one hand, cocked it back, and threw it haphazardly towards the wind goddess.

With her reviver's blessing, it was like she rolled a Nat 20- the laptop sailed with the force of a pro baseball pitcher and nailed the deity on the back of the had. Windforce wobbled a bit in the air, her wings flickering out- and the deity collapsed onto the ground, knocked out cold.

"Oh fuck, I actually did it." Ollie sent another prayer back at the being that revived her, and started dragging herself to a hiding spot. She bit her lip, forcing her eyes away from the battered bodies that didn't manage to survive, and took account of the demons that did somehow make it through the wrath of a wind goddess.

She could only (maybe) count three. One of the demons, a large-horned prisoner with some slashes on their body, managed to get up and run off to the distance, managing to squeeze out of the situation. Ollie could only hope they were a good enough distraction, else she was cooked. The familiar weight of the laptop appeared on her back again, and she sighed in relief. Good, I'm not going to immediately die.

The small demon crams herself in a rocky outcropping near the lava, and wedges herself in a crack. It ended badly last time, but for a comparably weak person like her, it's the only way she's avoiding conflict.

And right on time as well- because immediately after, another pillar of light slammed down to the surface, making her flinch. There's the sound of uneven wingbeats, and the sheathing of a sword.

"Behold, the power of a- wait." There's a slight pause, and a muffled choke, as if he was trying to refrain from laughing. "Absolutely shameful. Windforce, dispatched by some mortal riffraff."

Ollie slows her breathing down, keeping her eyes trained to the other side and daring not to peek outside her hiding spot. The conversation continues. "Ghostwalker- have you found the threat yet?"

"Unfortunately, no. She must have escaped outside with the others." There's the sound of rustling paper as the clipped, professional voice responded to the cool, arrogant one. "We're back to square one, it seems."

The former human didn't move and inch, hoping the sound of bubbling lava hid the slow, quiet breaths she was taking. The demon (who was undoubtedly Illumina, knowing that Ghostwalker was here) seemed to turn around, footsteps growing fainter.

And whatever luck Ollie had with Windforce ran out at that exact moment, and her leg slipped from one of the unsteady rocks. A subtle 'krr-shh' shifting sound was made, louder than the ambient lava noises.

Immediately, Ollie felt what it was like to chew 5 Gum as a mild version of God's wrath slammed down on her hiding spot.

Oh FUCK AAAAAA-

[Illumina]

Illumina, strongest of the Swords and one-winged menace, narrowed his eyes at the spot where he called down the divine airstrike. There was some steam from the rocks, and the sound of labored breathing and shifting ground.

Still, he wanted to get a good look at the pest that caused such chaos. A rather tiny demon hoisted herself out of the outcropping, staring at the white deity with the utmost annoyance and shaking from the pain.

"Oh, fuck you." She spat out, and Illumina was reminded of a street dog in how the scruffy, small demon growled at him. The god looked down with a snooty, almost disbelieving expression. "This is the wench that caused so much trouble? The ancient relic of times past?"

He pressed the tip of his gear towards the demon's throat, making her wince in pain but keep that annoyed expression. "Self-proclaimed gods. All the same to me." The demon shakily boosted herself up to the rocks, looking up at Illumina.

"Hm. Look at you- leg broken, barely as strong as a mere plebeian. It's a miracle you managed to make it this far." Illumina leaned down and flicked his blade lightly against her chin, leaving a small cut. Frying Pan snarled, and he chuckled.

"If it weren't for the fact you caused so much trouble, I'd ignore a bug like you." He raised his sword to the sky, ready to call down a stronger strike to rid of the mortal who knew too much. "Be honored that you'll die to my divine light."

No healer to save her, and no way to dodge the attack with her broken leg. The light slammed down on the young demon, leaving her screaming in pain and agony. Illumina let the light go on for a few more seconds, and let the beam trickle out of existence before staring down disdainfully at the ashes on the ground.

"Pathetic." He turns around, his boots kicking up the dirt. "I suppose that's one problem down the drain. And this won't be of note, just another short fable of how a mortal dared play god."

Illumina walked away, Ghostwalker trailing him. The air smelt like ash and lava- but the swords paused, feeling something odd.

"...?" It was like hearing a single string of an old guitar plucked, but there was no noise. Just the barest snap of tension releasing. Illumina turned around, just to see the pile of ash again that used to be Frying Pan.

Maybe he was being paranoid. A weak demon like her had no way of coming back, not from the sheer holy power.

I am the strongest. He turns back around, ignoring that momentary pang that set both him and Ghostwalker on edge for a second.

[Medkit]

I'm free... I'm free of all charges? For once, the teal-antlered demon had a feeling of relief as he pulled out his phone and checked the news. For some reason, news of his supposed innocence travelled fast.

There was a huge shift in Blackrock apparently, with how Tubular was blowing up. He'd monitored it for Frying Pan's activity, just as the Church of the True Eye asked him to. And now, with her going rouge and getting captured...

He was riding on one of Lost Temple's transport cars, Broker slouching in the back seat with him. He sighed, pulling out a cigarette and smoking it.

"Roll down the window, Meds!" The healer scoffed, and rolled it down. "Broker. I suppose the... our target... is in Ban Land now."

"Awww, scared you'll get arrested?" Broker kicks his feet up, and the driver hisses for him to put them down. "Well, good for you- you've been cleared! Blackrock's actually asking for you back now, and that pink prick's gone- isn't this what you wanted?"

"... you won't let me go, though." Broker's eyes narrow an he gives a sly, dangerous grin. "But of course. The Church keeps it's promises, and you haven't paid back your debt to us."

"When will I ever?" Medkit feels the heat of the lava nearby and feels the car slow down to a stop near the entrance. He peeks out of the window to see... a flipped prison van?

"Wait- stop! There's someone alive!" Medkit hopped out, and there was a commotion as another car rolled up. This time, it was Zuka's truck, with some familiar faces. "Vine Staff! Get out here- there's some escaped prisoners!"

His teammate and her brother hopped out, running over to the prisoner. The wounded escapee had short white horns, a long horizontal scar on his face and a grimace.

"Easy there." Vine Staff raised her gear and planted some seeds, healing the demon. "What happened here?"

"Wind- Windforce. Someone- short little fella. Knocked her out cold with something." Shuriken blinked, and a nearby Biograft (dear gods, a Biograft wasn't attacking him? He really was free now, huh?) locked up at the sight.

A few feet away sprawled Ban Hammer's mother, her helmet knocked askew and lying on her face. There was a visible bruise on the back of her head, as if something heavy was thrown.

",.. Oh shit." Shuriken said, clearly flabbergasted. "Who managed to knock out a sword, of all demons?"

The scarred inmate coughed. "She- small thing wasn't lucky enough. Curved-back horns and some weird face markings- got absolutely vaporized when Illumina of all swords showed up."

Medkit and the others froze. No. No no no no she was too young-

There was a small pile of ashes near an outcropping of rocks, and circular scorch marks burned into the ground. Shuriken seemed to be in disbelief, running over to the pile and breathing slowly.

"No. It's- it's just a stray rock, right? It- It can't be-" Vine Staff was frozen to the spot, her eyes wide and terrified. And the Biograft... Medkit knew those things were just metal husks, but this one looked devastated somehow, dropping it's singular blade to the ground.

"You- no, no, no-" Shuriken sniffed, and tears began streaming down. "Vine- Medkit! MEDKIT!" He stumbled and tugged at the older demon's suit. "You- you can revive people! Your Phinisher! You- please!"

"I can't revive her, it's- that's literally just ashes!" Medkit nevertheless grips his gear, and Broker looks from the sidelines with an disappointed expression that he missed the action. "I- I don't even know when she died! I can only do recent deaths!"

"Please!" Shuriken almost howled in pain, shaking him. "She- Vine Staff, me- she was like a sister to us! Just try! Try!"

Medkit sucked in a shaky breath. He'd seen demons die before, and others grieve. For some reason, it hit harder knowing someone as young as Frying Pan had an unfair matchup against Illumina.

"... fine." He goes to the pile of ashes, looking down at the remains of his (friend? neighbor?) and raises his crystal high to the heavens, praying to anyone, just anyone. It was unrealistic, it was stupid-

Please. She died too damn young, there was so much left to do-

The place was saturated with energy, and teal swirls of energy swirled around the place. The inmate was healed, everyone felt a large rush of energy- but the pile of ashes stayed still.

The light faded, and Medkit sighed. Of course. It wouldn't have been possible. I'm- I'm sorry.

Before anything could happen, a spark of yellow flickered from the ashes. Medkit blinked, and touched the crystal between his horns, narrowing his eyes. "Wait. I just finished-"

A gradual ebb of power radiated from the ashes, as if Medkit's Divine Resurrection didn't work, yes, but it reacted with something. An intricate yellowish-orange circle drew itself into existence, the effect similar to Medkit's resurrection but with an effect more like shattered glass and liquid swirling around than the usual glow and sparkle.

And with that, the ashes shifted. A blunt, non-clawed hand grasped at the ground and pushed up, as if it were a person rising from thick water. Then came an unnaturally horn-less head that a messy, large mane of hair grew from and poofed up- and then a familar plump torso and short figure.

Medkit and the other demons had to cover their ears from the sound of loud, labored gasping and a too-loud heartbeat that echoed like a loud drum. The light flared, then faded to reveal an unnatural figure.

Sand-colored skin, and a wild brown mane of stringy, sharp hair. No horns, a mouth full of blunt teeth and the strong smell of chrysanthemum and incense.

A human was walking on Inphinity's earth, after hundreds of millions of years.

Chapter Text

[???]

"I told you making her revive was a damn good idea. We're going to be witnessing some peak action!" [EXPUNGED]'s barking laugh filled the black void of the in-between.

The more peaceful entity snorted and exhaled, making a noise similar to the roaring wind in a canyon. "As disappointed as I am in you, I have to concede. Humans always make the best entertainment."

[REDACTED] eyes their partner in crime, and the higher being noticed, giving an unnaturally toothy grin. "Oh? It's not everyday you agree with me." [EXPUNGED] taps their appendages against the 'couch' (which was a surprisingly normal couch housing the eldritch horrors, made of regular-ass leather).

"Maybe it's because of your very nature, Embodiment of Discovery. You miss those humans in that universe, yes?" [REDACTED] shifts, clearly reminiscing. What eons a timeless being remembered and cherished was only something it knew. "... I miss any humans that end up extinct, [EXPUNGED]. They're always the first to seek me out."

"Figures, that someone of your title is fond of those ants. Stupid and feeble as they are, you must admit that they are nothing if not curious."

"A god should always treat it's followers well." [REDACTED] chuffs, their feathers branching and twitching like cilia as they finish up the popcorn. "And lay off on the titles, Absolute Show of Power. We have an audience, after all."

The flashing of a maw, and the glint of a beak. No need for eyes, after all.

[Ollie]

... Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in-

A wet cough, and she shakes her hair like a dog drying off. The now-human doesn't immediately realize her new form, too focused on her revival to notice. "Euuugh... god, it feels like I got sunburned, Illumina fucking shoved me in the oven-"

She adjusts her dirty teal-white clothes, dusting off some of the excess dust and pausing. "... wait." She flips her hand around like a pancake, realizing that she's back to her old normal. "Damn, one hell of a dream-"

"Frying Pan?" Ollie jumps at the unexpected voice, whipping her head up to see some of her friends. Vine Staff and Shuriken stare at her if they're seeing a pig fly, and Medkit also seems similarly shocked.

"... yeah? Is there anything you-" Ollie catches herself, then starts chuckling. The chuckle turns into a full-blown laugh, disbelieving and overwhelmed. "Yeah. Yeah! I'm- I'm actually here! I'm actually back!"

They're going to hate me, they're going to call me a damn FREAK-

"Settle down, you just died." Medkit takes a tentative step forward, reaching out. Ollie flinches and scoots back, clearly uneasy. Who knows what a former scientist would do an extinct, ancient species, god-

She forces herself still and lets the teal-horned demon touch her forearm with his claws. Medkit blinks, petting the skin as if he was petting a dog. "... You're oddly soft." The human freezes at the observation, and then lets out a disbelieving, nervous snort.

"Um- I- I guess so." She kneels there awkwardly, letting the demon observe her. Medkit moves his arm up and pauses, his hand hovering above her hair. "Is it- rude if I were to pet your hair? Is this a cultural faux pass or-"

"Nah, it's fine as long as you ask." Medkit stays still, then his claws slowly pat at Ollie's head, as if she was a scared animal. The sight was ridiculous- a random person being petted by a demon in the middle of a lava hellscape.

Shuriken looks more curious than shocked, peeking out from behind his older sister. "... Frying Pan?" Ollie realizes, with disbelieving fondness, that Biograft was also there, their hand gripping their sword like a lifeline and their fans whirring. She notices another teal-blue car back up and drive off, but ignores it.

"Yeah. It's me." She gives a grin with her familiar blunt teeth, and a few of them flinch back. "Woah there- that's freaky." Ollie looks upset for a bit, and Shuriken rushes to correct his mistake.

"I mean- sorry- your teeth are so... square? Where are your fangs, Pan?" She coughs, and Medkit draws his hand back from the petting before it gets too awkward. "Well- it's not like humans are carnivorous. We're omnivores."

"Yeah, but we're omnivores too, why-" Vine Staff interrupts her brother. "Pan, you're human?"

"Reincarnated, technically. I'm not millions of years old or a god or some crazy shit." Ollie stands up with Medkit's help, and her Biograft springs into action, supporting her other side. "No, my other leg is fine now, Bio- it's not broken anymore-"

"BROKEN?" Biograft clicked, clearly agitated. "YOU FELL? THE PRISONERS HURT YOU?" Ollie shook her head no.

"Fucking Ban Hammer. He got me pinned in a bad place before- prison. It's fine, I got back at him with the prison break and his mom." Speaking of Windforce...

Ollie whipped her head back at Windforce's fainted body, checking on the goddess. Her chest was heaving in heavy breaths, and her finger twitched. The human winced, drawing her neck back so that she looked smaller. "Aw, fuck."

"Look, I'll answer your questions, but right now we gotta get out of Ban Land and into Crossroads, because I ain't staying around after doing that to Windforce." The other four demons looked at the prone body of one of the swords, then to Zuka's truck.

"... That would be for the best." Medkit jumped in the back and Ollie followed, heaving herself up on the truck bed. The rest of them climbed in as Zuka drove off, clearly not wanting beef with the warden.

"..." There was some awkward silence as the small group drove back to Crossroads, passing through one of the many routes outside of Ban Land. "So... this is what you really look like?" Shuriken asks.

"I guess? I definitely lost some weight, because of all the work I did at my job." Ollie gives her side a squeeze, feeling up the familiar fat in her body. Vine Staff looks similarly interested, eying Ollie's hair.

Biograft doesn't seem to care, but Ollie knows from experience that her roommate was just as curious as the rest of the demons- their claws were twitching and there was the subtle click of their cameras pointing towards her.

It didn't bother her that she was being gawked at like an oddity- she's expected it after her reckless self-doxxing post, and it's a nice reprieve from being mostly ignored by other demons when she goes out onto the street.

"Can I- pet your hair? Like Medkit?" Ollie blinks owlishly, pushing up her glasses. "... Sure." Both Vine Staff and Shuriken immediately sink their claws in her fluffy hair, with the latter gasping in delight.

"It's so fluffy! Sis, look, it's really soft and stringy!" Ollie sighs, relaxed from the feeling. It's been a while since her mom or dad ruffled her hair- this is a nice reprieve. Shuriken pets her and scratches the side of her head above her ears, and Ollie isn't ashamed to say that she makes a noise similar to a dog's satisfied whine.

"God damn, thanks." Ollie is in bliss from those claws carefully scratching her head. "I needed that."

"Are all humans like this?" The young woman snorts, closing her eyes. "Usually people would be mortified with this much hair-scratching. It's either reserved for family or close friends."

Vine Staff has an expression of delight and Shuriken pouts, clearly touched that Ollie regarded them as family. "Frying Pan, that's- really nice of you."

Ollie pauses at her moniker, not sure if she should adopt it again or not. "You know what? Do you want to keep calling me that, or do human names sound weird to you?"

Shuriken shrugs, not really caring. Vine Staff hums, looking at Ollie curiously. "It's- similar in the vein of your brother's name, right? ... Ozzie, was it?"

"Yeah. Ozwald." Ollie is touched that her friends? Her found-family? They actually remembered her brother's name, from the few times she did talk about him. "Human names- usually come from other languages, titles, occupations- basically naming ourselves after times long past. Not usually weapons or things- no gear to name ourselves after."

Medkit's eye flicks to Ollie's laptop. She sighs. "Not that. That's an exception- I got that when I died."

The human leans back on the truck, Biograft keeping an arm around her so that she wouldn't accidentally fall off or something. "So- do you want to know? Bio here already kinda has an idea."

"Of course! You're our friend- we won't judge." Ollie fidgets. "It's- it's Ollie. If you want to get all formal- it's technically Olivine."

Shuriken blinks, and Biograft answers. "LIKE OLIVINE, THE SHADE OF GREEN?" The scruffy human snorts, slicking back her hair as it blows in the wind from the moving truck. "Yeah. Parents didn't speak English at the time- English is what we called Common back then- so they mixed up the classic name 'Olivia' with the color."

"...HUH." Biograft tapped their claws on the edge of the truck, making a synthetic whirr of contemplation. Vine Staff sounds out her friend's true name, testing it out. "Ollie. Ollie. Olivine." She squints. "I suppose it is kind of weird, but I'll get used to it."

Shuriken scoffed, clearly not getting it. "Nah, you're more sandy brown than green. It makes no sense!" Ollie's face twitches in an amused smile at the confusion.

Looks like culture shock was still a thing here, even for an ancient civilization and it's successor.

[Slingshot]

It's been... really slow and quiet, without Frying Pan. Slingshot knew his regular customer made things much livelier with her conversation and bringing the other Phighters over, but he didn't expect her to have this much of an impact on his shop...

And to think she's only been showing up for a few months... Slingshot hummed, washing the dishes as he looked around at the few customers in his cafe. It's wild, seeing that she's now wanted by Blackrock. I didn't even think she could do that- no wait, maybe she could. She IS kind of clever, after all.

Having someone who he knew burnt tea become painted as a spy and a master infiltrator by Blackrock was honestly sort of amusing. And since she's in Lost Temple's hands, he could only pray that-

"Hey, Slingshot!" He whipped his head around to see the front door of his cafe jingle and open to reveal Shuriken, Medkit, Vine Staff, a Biograft, and-

"What in the Inphinity is that?!" He squinted, and recoiled a bit from seeing someone with no horns, oh dear Darkheart- The feminine figure raised her hands up, as if to say she's no threat.

"Woah woah- hey, Slingshot! It's me! Remember?" Slingshot lowered his namesake gear at the recognizable voice, kind of blunt but animated. Now that he got the time to examine the being, she had Pan's jacket on.

"Frying Pan? Wha-?!" Frying Pan nods, clearly stressed. "Great-just- I don't know what to do now, except for- keeping track of everyone else. I may have fucked up big time."

She slaps down ten dollars and rubs her eyes. "Eugh- an orange cream tea, please? I gotta focus." Slingshot simply walks over to the freezer and pulls out a pre-prepared gallon that he had on hand, since the demon was used to his customer ordering the same thing.

"Thanks." Slingshot continued to stare at the odd hornless, maned demon (human? Was that what it was called again?) and blinked. Vine Staff pinched her nose as Medkit sat down in the corner somewhere. "We're just as confused as you. Yes, she's- human, or something? That extinct pre-Burning species?"

 "Yup! But it's still-" Slingshot winced a bit again as his eyes went to her forehead, feeling unsettled. "... weird?" A demon with no horns at all was almost always a dead demon, and here was something- no, someone, with seemingly no horns in the first place. It was like watching a weirdly-colored corpse move around.

"And, like, call her Ollie now, I guess?" Shuriken said, leaning back. "She said so." Frying Pan- or was it Ollie now- gave a shrug. "Might be hard for him to remember, so I'm fine with anyone calling me Pan or Frying Pan. Don't need to call me by my true name if you want."

The human took a few more sips of the drink, and then opened that laptop of hers with the perpetually black screen. "Is everyone else okay? I know my shit probably got some people in trouble..."

Slingshot watched as Vine Staff pursed her lips, while Medkit checked his phone. "... Sword seems to be alright. Venomshank is simply checking up on him back at Lost Temple, after that little scuffle. And for my... coworkers, they seem to be preoccupied with doing damage control with Blackrock's new hostilities against Lost Temple."

"Oh shit, what?" Ollie tilts her head. "What fight did I miss?"

Medkit rolls his singular eye, somehow looking more exasperated. "While I do appreciate you playing a role in my pardon, your reckless declaration has caused the two factions to be rather hostile against each other, much more so now that they know I was harbored in the Church as well."

"Aw fuck, right. I- um, shit." And there was the awkward demon, now-human sweet drink addict that Slingshot was acquainted with months ago. "Is Subspace at least not bothering you anymore?"

"Seeing that Blackrock is hunting him down like prey, no. It's much better." Medkit rubbed his temple. "And how are you going to deal with two factions, the warden, and at least two of the swords hunting you down?"

"... give me a minute, I didn't think this through."

"..." Slingshot kind of stood awkwardly at the cashier while Ollie typed away at her computer, squinting sometimes from her glasses. "Okay, how easy would it to call up Flipside and have them record something?"

Slingshot gave her a disbelieving look. "Pan- Ollie. They're Flipside, how in the SFOTH are you going to get their attention?"

"Okay, but what if something big happens, like- a massive impromptu fight under Crossroads Tower?"

"Ollie, I am not letting you cause chaos like that to some unsuspecting citizens-" Ollie interrupts him, holding up a hand with a sheepish expression. "Yeah, okay okay, but what if you guys clear out the center first, draw some attention to me-"

Medkit finally steps in, and Slingshot can see that he's completely done with whatever shenanigans his friend was coming up with. "Young lady. What are you trying to do?" Ollie stops, fiddling with her hoodie strings.

"... get in a public fistfight with Illumina on live television."

"Gods DAMN IT, PAN-"

"YOU CAN'T STOP ME, BOOMER!" She charges through the cafe door, leaving the rest of the Phighters stunned before Medkit and the others leaped up try and stop her. "For Illumina's- I- fuck, for SFOTH's sake get back here-!"

[Boombox]

Boombox reckoned it was a pretty peaceful day- sure, for some reason a bunch of the guys in Playground were freaking out over their phones, but he didn't really use his for anything except calls and searching up music on Youtube.

He was hanging out with Skateboard in Crossroads right after visiting BOGGIO Skatepark, and thankfully none of the damage he did was traced back to him (although it was kind of awkward, watching the construction workers groan and complain when refilling the concrete).

"Damn, kind of a busy day outside, right?" Skateboard made sure to go slower, as to not run over a civilian or something. Boombox gave him a toothy grin. "C'mon, Skate- you know it's because they're about to start the next Phestival a few weeks later? Isn't it gonna be Sword's favorite?"

"Yeah. Dove vs. Crow." Skateboard does a small kickflip to get up a ledge, then stops next to a table to sit down. "Honestly, I think Dom's going to win again, he's been really lucky the past few years-"

"Coming through! Everyone planning to go around Crossroads Tower, please exit the premises!" Demons in the crowd looked around, confused as the speakers blared to life, clearly hijacked. "I repeat, everyone around the general vicinity of Crossroads Tower, please evacuate! There's going to be a major fight!"

"Hey, they don't do Phights here! ... Do they?" One of the civilians mutter. Their companion elbows them. "Come on! It's probably something new- if there really is a Phight, you wouldn't want to be caught in the middle, right?"

"Damn it, I was about to go to work man..."

"A Phight? Who's gonna participate?" Another shout. "I thought the next Phight was Wednesday?"

The crowd slowly dispersed from the center with some confusion, coalescing around the outer stores and apartments of the upper layer. Crossroads was home to some of the arenas, sure, but the surface? Skateboard looked suspicious at the idea, while Boombox didn't really care.

"Hey, there's not supposed to be an unannounced Phight! Dom and Valk aren't even OH MY GODS-" Skateboard jumped up from the chair and scrambled back at the sight of something. Boombox blinked and looked in the general direction, also tensing up in nervous shock.

Woah! What is THAT? He's just as unsettled by the sight of wood-colored skin and the lack of horns on the figure, only faintly realizing that it looked awfully a lot like the 'humans' he saw on the Isekai Archive channel.

"What in Windforce's name is THAT, dear gods it has no HORNS-"

"Yo- calm down, it's me-" Skateboard jumps up on the table and shrieks. "IT CAN TALK Oh GODS-"

"Skateboard, for fuck's sake, it's me!" The odd being pulled out a frying pan and slammed it on a pole, making a loud clang. "Frying Pan!"

Skateboard shook his head and squinted, still uneasy. Boombox took a closer look, and yup- that was Frying Pan's jacket and signature no-shits-given expression. "Look, my ass was just blasted by Illumina and I want to fistfight a god later, so Boombox, if you're gonna get out I got some beef to settle."

Boombox watched as his friend sputtered, throwing up his hands. Skateboard looked absolutely floored and baffled at the situation. "What-how-"

The weird human thing (which was apparently Frying Pan, what the heck) continued, whacking a few of the bollards with her laptop and breaking them off the concrete (also what the heck). "Yeah, I asked a... buddy for a favor. Mx. Bot is cool to be around if you give them a few thousand Bux to hack the intercom- who knew, eh?"

Boombox felt that some absolutely goofy tomfoolery was going to happen if Frying Pan pulled of whatever plan she had, so he just shrugged. "You want me to play some music while that happens?"

"Nah. I already gave Mx. Bot my 'Music to whoop ass to' playlist to blast over Crossroads speakers. You can just drag Skateboard back somewhere safe while I prep for the fight."

"Cool!" He takes Skateboard by the wrist and drags the still-confused demon to the sidelines, to Slingshot's cat cafe. Boombox can see that the shop is kind of messy, chairs knocked over and some of the Phighters he knew standing outside looking flabbergasted and defeated.

"... Frying Pan's fault?"

"Yeah."

[Ollie]

Contrary to popular belief, Ollie wasn't suicidal- because she made a kick-ass deal when she temporarily died.

You want entertainment? I'll give you the goofiest, most shit-faced insane idea. All I want is to not die before I turn 90. And that, combined with her previous performance with Windforce, was enough to let the higher powers rig the game in her favor. Sure, she's probably going to make a fool of herself and throw herself into dangerous shit for the rest of her life- but it'll be fun.

The best way to make a god admit defeat, when you can't kill them- is to humiliate them. Make the masses lose faith in them, make them a laughingstock.

Ollie took one of the random cars in the audience, hot-wiring it like those prison vans she jacked. She had a very specific meme in mind, and she decided to commit vandalism with those bollard poles for a reason.

The car engine roared to life, and immediately she knew that it was one of those swanky racing cars- perfect for her plan. She gets behind the wheel, and takes a deep breath before she starts to shout.

"HEY ILLUMINA! BITCH-ASS MOTHERFUCKER, GET YOUR PASTY WHITE ASS OVER TO CROSSROADS!" She could practically feel the civilians in the sidelines gape at her language and the fact that she was practically cursing out a god. "YOUR MOTHER WAS A HEADLESS CHICKEN AND YOUR FATHER WAS SEPHIROTH-"

And just to her luck, a beam of light descended down right in the middle of Crossroads. Illumina made the stupid mistake of keeping his eyes closed then only opening them when he fully floated down to the ground, his singular wing snapping up in fury. "Who DARES-"

Ollie hit the gas pedal of the car, having it accelerate at a ludicrously fast pace. Illumina only had a second to react before Ollie re-enacted the classic meme of "running over God with a 2009 Honda accord".

[Illumina]

Gods don't feel pain often, and the few times Illumina remembered being hurt were all from great warriors past or his own siblings. However, this one of the few times he was blindsided and his singular wing cracked a bit from the strong impact of an unknown object.

Illumina ungracefully face-planted into the concrete, his head spinning a bit from the shock. He'd heard the insult, teleported here, and immediately got assulted by- was that a fucking automobile?! There's not enough time to process what was happening before someone jumped out, and sprinted towards him in an inexperienced, wobbly way.

"GUESS WHO'S BACK, FUCKFACE?!" He's knocked down a second time when the person does a pile-driver on his face, knocking him down once again. Even though he's got superstrength, why can't he lift this-

He's hit on the head with a flat surface, and he blearily thinks 'a laptop?!' before it begins to hit him again, and again, and again- for some reason it gets stronger and stronger the longer he's pinned down.

"Hit it!" With that cue, it only got worse- some rock music began to play over Crossroad's speakers, clearly hijacked. If Illumina (somehow) had knowledge over ancient human music, he would have recognized it as Lynyrd Skynyrd's Free Bird, slowly building up.

Illumina manages to buck and squawks indignantly in pain as he lifts up his wing, seeing it bent at a weird angle. How in the Inphinity is it upside down when he got hit from the back?! The deity of light shakes his head, realizing that something was fighting him.

A human. A real, live human with one of his arms in a chokehold, as if grappling him closer. It (she?) grins toothily. "I lived, bitch!" He recoils at the realization. "NO! You're supposed to be dead!"

"Tis' a scratch," she dismisses it, rolling her eyes. "Not like you had worse. I'm here for a rematch, and you better believe I'm fighting you in my home base!" The human -Frying Pan?! She proceeded to grab his other arm, then headbutt him, leaving his head ringing. The fact she had no horns to get stuck in his singular horn made it difficult to fend off the attack.

Why is my godly strength- it's not working?! The SFOTH deity is slammed to the ground, making the concrete crack. It- it works! But how did she get this strong?!

A few grey shards of something fall out of the smaller demon's pocket. There's a light teal-green to them that fizzles out- and Illumina is reminded of that one healing Phighter's crystal. Looks like she came prepared- no matter. He can simply kill her, enhanced or not!

Illumina frees one hand with a yank and the mortal's grip slips, making her grab his robe sleeve instead. He yanks out his blade and slashes down, cutting her in half. For a small being like that, it wasn't hard for him to do.

To his absolute horror, the 'mortal' began to immediately heal, the cut merging back as his blade passes by. "Not yet, dumbass! I'm not going down that easily!"

He growls, grappling her again and continually slashing and stabbing with one hand. The infuriating pest continued to heal and heal with no outside stimuli- this is too smooth and quick to be any gear, so what is happening?!

He's whacked on the head again with the laptop, and to Illumina's utter mortification, one of the points of his horns chip off from the force. "WENCH! YOU DARE DEFILE A DIVINE BEING?!"

"Shut the FUCK up, your horns aren't even that big! Your damn sword is overcompensating!" Illumina sees red at that comment- It was a serious insult to call someone's horns small, and to mention his gear like that-!

"BLASPHEMY!"

[Sword]

The demigod was cleaning up the mess at Lost Temple with his father Venomshank, making sure that everything was in order before they could maybe go back home and call it a day-

"Holy shit!" He turns to the raucous crowd in a nearby bar. His father was also similarly curious, stepping into the establishment. The demons around were too preoccupied with whatever was on the TV to notice that the literal god of the undead was behind them, so whatever on screen must have been big.

Dom and Valk were onscreen, the broadcast clearly rushed due to Valk's untied tie and Dom's crumpled suit. "Breaking news- It seems that Crossroads Tower- below us-"

"Someone's fist-fighting Uncle Illumina!" Valk screeches, clearly stunned and not caring that he was on air. "Oh gods- was that a sedan that ran him over?!"

Venomshank took off his mask to gape at the sheer ridiculousness of the situation. There was a damn human. A live human. That was currently wrestling a very disgruntled, enraged god of light in the middle of a city intersection.

"What the fuuuuck." Sword whispered, just as flabbergasted as his father. He takes a glass of water from the bar, the bartender too distracted as well to charge him or argue.

"A-and, we'll be broadcasting a live feed of the- incident? Yeah, the fight!" Valk stutters. Dom picks up for him, just as taken off guard. "Be warned, there might be some language unsuitable for family audiences, so listen at your own risk-"

"-your horns aren't even that big! Your damn sword is overcompensating!" And the broadcast decided to start off recording at the most humiliating insult a demon could hear. The bar exploded into gasps, disbelieving laughs and "oh shit"s. Venomshank himself gagged on his own spit, leaning over the bar to thump his chest out of disbelief and trying not to laugh.

Sword has a horrified look on his own face, subconciously reaching up to his own horns. Venomshank slapped his son's hand down, and choked out another laugh. "Not- not you. Oh- oh, I can't believe- his own face, that cocky bastard must hate it-!"

It didn't help that the oddly familiar figure began to trash talk, grappling with Sword's (admittedly disliked) uncle on the floor and dirtying the light god's pristine white robes and feather with filth. "Yeah, BITCH! That's right! I called you a bitch!" Illumina was too enraged and humiliated to respond in his usually witty retorts and cleverly constructed insults.

"CEASE THIS INCESSANT PRATTLE-" 

"You dress like Emperor Elagabalus, with those airy-ass robes of yours and those knee-high combat boots! Bitch-ass femboy hooker!"

"I AM NOT A BROTHEL WORKER! MONGREL WENCH!"

"Ahhh, you mad! Hoes mad!"

"SHUT UP!"

Sword realistically knew that it should be worrying that a mortal(?) human somehow possessed enough strength and power to overwhelm a deity, but he was too busy wheezing on the floor of the bar with his father having a fit of manic laughter with the rest of the disbelieving, choking patrons.

[Subspace]

Ironically, the impromptu broadcast helped Subspace hightail it out of Blackrock and into Crossroads, the authorities no longer on his trail. He had the brilliant idea of driving through the middle of Crossroads Tower, so that the sheer amount of civilians would discourage the soldiers from causing a inter-region incident.

Subspace didn't get the memo that the middle of Crossroads would be clear, so he simply barreled through the empty streets, passing absolutely stunned crowds and blitzing through the middle of the place with the armored car he 'strategically acquired' from the lab parking lot.

He felt a thump as he ran over something else again, and kept on driving, this time a bit faster. Fuck, who cares! I already ran over a few of the damn demons chasing me, one measly civilian wouldn't make a difference!

Unfortunately, Subspace didn't bother looking back at the scene of the (other) crime he committed, swerving the car through the highway to Lost Temple. If he did, then he'd realize that a weird hornless thing just kicked the god of light away from her, and right into the path of his tires.

Subspace T. Mine subsequently became the second demon to ever run over Illumina with a car.

[Rocket]

Rocket was watching the televised fistfight through his father's worksop, his father jumping out of the truck and checking up on him before his eyes fell on the display as well and gaped at the chaos.

"... Illumina just got ran over by a car." Rocket corrects his father with a croaky voice. "Another car, dad." Zuka whipped his head to Rocket with a disbelieving look. "Wh- who was the other driver?!"

Rocket pointed to the figure who was knocked back by Illumina's kick, and instantly put herself back together from a bloody slash. Zuka and his son gaped as the maned demon picked up a chair, ran towards Illumina, and slammed it down on him. "Get FUCKED, BIRD BOY!"

Zuka looked for a few more seconds, then pulled out a cigarette. Rocket absently knocked it out of his father's grasp to prevent his father from smoking, and Zuka was too confused not to complain about it.

"... Whoever's whooping Illumina's behind has some very... creative insults." Rocket notes. Coincidentally, the insults continue to fly from the speaker as the rock music picks up and the kick-ass guitar solo plays.

"I'm going to PLUCK YOUR FEATHERS OUT ONE BY ONE AND MAKE A PILLOW OUT OF IT!"

"FOOLISH MORTAL, I SHALL SMITE YOU WITH THE LIGHT OF THE DIVINE-" Illumina's beam of light slammed down only to get deflected by- was that a laptop?!

The opponent angles their laptop towards Illumina, hitting the deity with his own beams of light. He screeches on-screen, staggering back and the light flickering out. Once it does, Rocket recognizes the logo on the laptop- because only one demon used that laptop.

"Frying Pan?!" Zuka tenses up in utter incredulity at the familiar name. The two continue to watch the plump, familiarly stout figure slam down on the taller demon. "WINDFORCE'S LEFT TIT, YOU'RE SHIT AT THIS!"

The young rocketeer lets out a strangled noise at the obscene, casual blasphemy. Banhammer would decidedly not like his mother being mentioned in such a way.

And the indescribable slander continues. "I am going to pound you down and throw your ass to Blackrock so that you'll become vanilla-lavender mochi, ASSHOLE!" Rocket had to admit, that was creative. "AAAAGH-!" Illumina wasn't even able to speak, shaking out of pure rage.

Frying Pan continues to commit faux pas after faux pas, and a maw full of blunt teeth sinks down onto Illumina's wing. Zuka nearly has a stroke at the action, hacking and coughing as his face turns an interesting shade of red and white.

"That- he's too damn old for her, does she even know what she just did-!" Biting was either a low-brow move or propositioning a relationship, and Pan somehow managed to bite at an embarrassingly weak spot. Rocket hides his face in mortification.

"I AM GOING TO RIP OFF YOUR WING, FRY IT IN OIL AND MAKE THE WORLD'S BIGGEST FRIED CHICKEN WING!" The voice from the TV screeches, clearly feral. "KFC-LOOKIN' ASS!"

[Ollie]

It took a few more bites and punches with her fist, but Illumina finally squirmed out from under her again. This time, he just sprinted out and a pillar of light hit him, teleporting him away.

Ollie is left in the middle of the Crossroads Tower, Free Bird finally fading off and her wounds healing. So... this is what adrenaline feels like. She wipes off blood from a claw mark in her face, wiping it on her hoodie. The human sees her face on the large screens surrounding her from every side of the tower, and reaction to winning a fight against a god on TV?

"That's an epic gamer moment right there." She gives an awkward thumbs up and walks towards Slingshot's Cat Cafe again, where the Phighters are just staring at her as if she's grown a second head. Well, except Biograft- they were just chilling.

"Heya, Biograft. Rough day today, eh?" She says breathlessly. They shrug. "IT'S A TUESDAY, OLLIE."

"Yup. Average American behavior, to fight gods on Tuesdays." She turns to the other Phighters, clearly still in catatonic shock. "Does anyone want ribs? I'm paying!"

Chapter Text

[Hyperlaser]

"... What in Icedagger's name did I just witness." He glances down at his shot glass, checking if anything was added to his drink. Hyperlaser decided to take the day off, relax and hopefully get out of the way of the Blackrock officials currently scrambling to pin down his former coworker.

The mercenary looks to his bartender and the demon is similarly agape, blinking as Valk and Dom hurriedly try to get the situation under control on TV. Valk looks almost ready to blow up from nervousness due to all the obscenities screamed by both the creepy-looking thing and his own uncle.

"Um- we'll be right back, folks!" It switches to an advertisement segment abruptly, but everyone watching the TV can hear frantic running and rusting paper.

The bar goes quiet, and then bursts into conversation. "Did you see-" Another passerby sucks in a breath. "That creature bit his wing and said it'd eat him! Was that supposed to be a threat or harassment?!"

"Probably a threat. It- she? He? They don't look like a demon at all. More like a feral lab experiment or something." A snort. "If Blackrock had anything successful from the genetics department, then they'd be yapping about it all over! That- horn-less abomination isn't a demon at all!"

Hyperlaser hisses a bit at that insult- after all, seeing something without horns, even if they weren't a demon, reminded him of himself. "Excuse me. Mind repeating that?" The demon that said the retort whipped around and paled, seeing the mercenary. It was just a lucky coincidence that Hyperlaser recognized him as a janitor from Subspace's lab.

"Ah. Hm- I should have worded that more carefully." The janitor slinks back, clearly nervous. Hyperlaser stared for a bit, then turned back around. The conversations still continued without him.

"Yeah, Mop- whatever it was, I think it's kind of stupid to try and kill it when it managed to make Illumina of all demons flee..."

"B-But-" Another demon chimed in, clearly drunk. "Uggh-gh... i-it looks like it was playing with him, like a damn- like a damn beach ball-"

"Holy shit, he's right!" "Yeah, who would fistfight a sword of all demons?! It must be holding back it's strength and letting him escape!"

One demon was still wheezing from the absolute absurdity of the insults. "She- she fuckin' eviscerated him! Said his horn was small!" The crowd roars at that, drunk and amused. "Fucking GOLD! Telling that to a deity- whatever it was, it has GUTS!"

Hyperlaser groaned, not realizing that the human on screen was Frying Pan but still feeling a headache incoming. "SFOTH damn it..." Why do I get the feeling that I am about to regret my life even MORE.

[Tumblr Post 1]

🅿️ pandemonium      Follow

10 minutes ago

So um. Did anyone see what was on TV today.

🪩discooo                  Follow

HOLY SFOTH, THAT WAS WILD

🍵matchabrwe           Follow

I cannot believe that I just witnessed a sword get run over by a car (TWICE), get verbally humiliated and beat down by a- whatever that thing was. Illumina is supposed to be the strongest sword, how the hell is he losing to something that looks like a fluffy dog?

🎙️musicmic336         Follow

i don't know who hacked crossroad tower's speaker system for this but thank you, that was the most epic moment ever. what's the name of the song tho?

✂️ bladebro               Follow

No its even better!!! the weird hornless thing said "hit it" meaning she planned it out! someone literally helped her beat up a sword with a banger guitar solo!

🎙️musicmic336         Follow

oh NAW, that is DISRESPECTFUL

💀dedbutcool1          Follow

And calling Illumina a bitch and a hoe WASN'T?

🦂desert_st0rm          Follow

TBH it was everything added up. starting off by calling his horn SHORT and his gear OVERCOMPENSATING is a hell of a way to go.

🥊phightingspirit       Follow

i am. screaming right now. this is truly a peak crossroads moment

[Tumblr Post 2]

⚙️gear_roaster                  Follow

30 minutes ago

How's everyone feeling about 2016 so far, guys

🈷️thieves_rule002            Follow

Dude it's not even the whole year it's a few months, first we got Isekai Archive and that whole human fiasco, then the ban, then the HOSTAGE LETTER and doxxing, and then comes this

💠diamondintherough      Follow

THAT WAS. A LITERAL HUMAN LIVE ON TV. BEATING ILLUMINA.

🈷️thieves_rule002            Follow

yeah. wack to just see an extinct species just get up and decide to fight god. it even knows how to drive a car and commit vehicular manslaughter

⚔️ venomshank_fan114    Follow

WAIT A PHUCKING SECOND. ISEKAI ARCHIVE SAID SHE USED TO BE HUMAN

⚙️gear_roaster                  Follow

Dude, not every instance of a human is connected to Isekai Archive just because she discovered them

💾 isekai_archive     Follow

Nah man, it's me. Sorry for taking so long to get back, I kinda died and got ressurected

⚙️gear_roaster                  Follow

HUH???

[Tumblr Post 3]

🎁eonseradicator             Follow

24 minutes ago

(1/?) Okay this might be a long-ass rant, but I GOT to get this out here. I went and recorded the whole fight on my phone because I was lucky enough to be at Crossroads when the whole thing went down, and my apartment had a perfect view of the thing (minus Crossroads Tower blocking it a bit)

Now, on to to the analysis of the battle! This is a one-on-one fight, and seems to be a lot more informal than the usual Phighting matches we see every week or so. I ranked Illumina's theoretical combat ability in my other post as high-level due to his kinda OP light ability, but for some reason he didn't use it much in this fight aside from that one instance that was deflected.

We're going to be focusing on the opponent more- which is apparently a human according to this post. They seem to exhibit super-strength  and a frankly terrifying regeneration ability, which wouldn't be much on it's own unless the regeneration is actually a form of souped-up immortality as well.

🎁eonseradicator             Follow

(2/?) Normally, healing and strength wouldn't be enough to take down a sword- and I agree with that! Note how the human made Illumina flee instead of killing him, but that seems to be what they wanted to do. Hijacking speaker systems to play music, hurling insults, and using fists and a laptop to beat him up instead of a gun or blade- it's most likely a with the intent of humiliation instead of the intent to kill.

The opponent lacks the skill or tools needed to actually kill a sword, period. Their moves are disorganized and sloppy, they act more on impulse when actually in combat if judging from the clips, and they rely solely on their regeneration instead of blocking or dodging attacks.

However, the biggest strength of the combatant would most likely be their planning. The human most likely knew that they wouldn't be able to take down Illumina, so the humiliation was the only way to get the sword to stand down. I believe it's the reasoning behind them clearing out the middle of Crossroads first to get a huge crowd to watch.

And I also suspect that running him over with a car was the best opening move possible- a surprise attack that gets rid of the major advantage of flight, which would have made her lose the battle (since the human doesn't have wings herself).

🎁eonseradicator             Follow

(3/3)

The human also seems to be naturally good at grappling- zooming in, you can see that there's a major lack of claws and all the attacks she does are either choking, slamming, or throwing. There's some biting too, but I think it's just another form of grappling since they do it to pin Illumina down and keep him grabbed.

Illumina, as you could probably tell from my previous analysis on him, is one of the two swords that prefers to fight while flying, the other being Windforce.

So by taking out his flight, the opponent does a ton of things: prevents Illumina from escaping, makes him susceptible to her main mode of attacking, and takes him out of his preferred fighting environment.

🎲 xXlucky_shotXx         Follow

I ain't reading all that

🥩bloodmeister420       Follow

TLDR; Human solos illumina because she hit him with car and broke his wing. No flying = weaker Illumina = human beats him no diff

[Ollie]

"Aw damn, this is the good stuff. Lemme tell you, ribs are the best, and thank god for cows still existing." Ollie chowed down, scrolling on her phone as she gnaws on one of the meaty bones. "Slingshot, sorry for not ordering food at your bakery- I kinda wanted something savory after that fight, haha-"

Slingshot is still sitting in shock with the rest of the Phighters in Ranged Royale. Medkit has his hands in his head at the medical impossibility of seeing the fast regeneration.

Shuriken is also enjoying the ribs, albeit more slowly. Vine Staff sips some water, still not believing that she saw one of the SFOTH deities get beaten down by someone she knew as a shy person.

"Hey? You guys okay?" Boombox throws a thumbs up, one of the few not really phased by it. "Groovy, man. Cool trickshot with your laptop, by the way!"

"Yeah, I figured since it was 'indestructible' I had to test the claim out. Guess it's good enough to withstand a god's wrath!" Ollie hums happily.

"..." Medkit looks up with a suffering expression. "Pardon my language. How the fuck did you manage to do that."

"Do what?" Ollie said, still talking with her mouth full. If he didn't see her call a deity a 'hooker' a few hours ago, he'd still see her as that mildly annoying, young demon that was his neighbor for a few weeks. "Revive, heal, block that orbital strike-"

Medkit buries his face in his hands again, groaning. "YES! All of that! How?!"

Ollie thinks for a minute, wondering if she should rock her friend's world more and cause mass panic. Would it count as 'entertainment' to that guy...? Would it be funny to randomly say that?

"Oh, yeah. Apparently the higher being that brought me here as a demon in the first place wanted something interesting to happen, so she- they? They were kinda disappointed that I died, so I got revived. Yay!"

Medkit coughs and chokes on his water, while Shuriken's hand twitches. "The heck do you mean, 'higher beings'?"

"Y'know. Elder gods. Not the cheap bargain-bin gods you have." Ollie finishes up her ribs and takes a swig of soda. "I've stared into the void and the void is a sassy bitch." The others didn't really know how to react to the idea that Ollie didn't consider the swords as gods."

"Um. That's. An interesting answer." Vine Staff nervously giggles. Ollie frowns, then tries to reassure her. "Hey, if it makes you feel better, I'm not an incomprehensibly powerful being or something! I'm just here to chill and have fun- none of that 'cause a calamity' shit!"

Everyone was still hung up on the idea that Ollie didn't consider herself powerful, because if she was nothing compared to her 'patron', then how powerful was the unknown force?

The human leans back and sips her soda again with a shrug. "Cool beans. Hope I don't give you guys an existential crisis." At least I didn't tell them that they're a fictional video game in my world... that would be crazy, haha.

[Tumblr Post 4]

💾 isekai_archive            Follow

3 hours ago

Hey guys, I got my account back! It took a little chat with the workers at Tubular and some coffee with the owner, but it's worth it!

To explain why I've been a bit too busy to post:

- Per my last post, Lost Temple decided to kidnap me and I had no choice but to cut off communication

- I'm behind the recent prison break from Ban Land, and am now a highly fugitive! Ban Hammer hates me now because I beat his mom lmao

- Illumina killed me and I had to contact some elder void gods to save me! Thanks Medkit for speeding up my revival!

- The same overgrown pigeon got whooped on live television by yours truly. I now have several new charges for public destruction of property and car theft, and the number of gods I've defeated is up to 2!

🗡️ sword_phighter      Follow

TWO??? YOU GOT TWO OF THEM???

⚠️ dangerblast      Follow

archive human theory true!!! go fluffy little critter go!!!

🪩discooo                   Follow

i think everyone can forgive you for not posting, tbh. but are you gonna continue with the youtube videos?

💾 isekai_archive        Follow

Of course! I got my Youtube account back too- it's just gonna take some time to re-upload the videos and all that. I don't want to monetize them because it's technically all other humans' work, so all the funds are gonna go to the Crossroads Historical Society!

💣exploding1337       Follow

what. what do you mean elder void gods

💾 isekai_archive        Follow

Don't ask questions that you wouldn't want the answer to (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)

💣exploding1337       Follow

I'M SCARED NOW

🔮 mystikk                Follow

Holy hell she doesn't consider the SFOTH to be a threat. How powerful are the other gods.

📞 banhammersux:]        Follow

How'd you escape the Church? Lost Temple is notoriously difficult to escape!

💾 isekai_archive        Follow

Broker I know this is you. I am inside your walls. They will never stop finding your body.

📞 banhammersux:]        Follow

... Isn't it "they'll never find your body"?

💾 isekai_archive        Follow

I know what I said.

[Youtube Channel]

Illumina vs. Human - Crossroads Phight, TOTAL VICTORY!

1,010,218 views - December 16, 201X Illumina vs. Olivine "Frying Pan"...

834K △ Likes   315K▽ Dislikes    ➦ Share    ✂ Clip    ☰+ Save   ...

💾 Isekai Archive

98,032 Subscribers

369,944 Comments     ☰ SORT BY

💾 Isekai Archive

Thank you for 90k subs while I was away! I hope you guys enjoyed the content- since most of the videos are technically ancient reposts, all the ad revenue will instead go to the Crossroads Historical Society for funding!

📻 XxMusicMasterxX

Thank you Isekai Archive for posting! I commented on your first video, and I can't believe what a wild ride it's been, from music to fighting the SFOTH. I hope your career goes well!

 

🌶️ SpiceNPepper

BRUH??? THE ARG GUY FOUGHT ILLUMINA???

 

🧊BRcommentator

The "arg guy" who happens to also be the same civilian that broke into blackrock and got kidnapped by the Church of the True Eye

 

💾 Isekai Archive

I also freed a #### ton of fugitives from Ban Land and beat up Windforce too, teehee

 

🌶️ SpiceNPepper

ARCHIVE COMMENTED

 

🧊BRcommentator

THAT was YOU?!?!

⏳ TimeLordx

Intro (0:00)

Fight Begins, Illumina Hit by Car (2:00)

Music starts (2:44)

"Horn" comment, where broadcast starts (3:15)

Illumina Hit by Second Car (6:01)

Fight ends, Music ends (11:01)

🖼️ BlueSkie5

TimeLord out here doing SFOTH's work with the timestamps

 

🚧 BarricadeBoss

Dude the insults are wild. I wonder if the mochi one is possible

 

🎏 GardenerAlt

That would be cannibalism, and blood is a bit too hot for mochi ingredients.

 

🪄poof2422

archive literally bit his wings and said that she'd deep fry them, i'm pretty sure cannibalism is on the table for her. and is it cannibalism if she isn't even the same species?

 

💾 Isekai Archive

Clarification: I will not actually eat Illumina. He tastes like sandpaper and dust. Absolutely rancid, like a cream puff left to mold in a dry, dark corner.

 

🪄poof2422

did not know i would learn how the god of light tastes

📢 DomOfficial

Please don't do that again. Valk is currently hiding under a table and worried that you'll eat my wing too.

💾 Isekai Archive

You're safe for now, bat-boy. I only got beef with your Great-Uncle and Great-Aunt.

 

📢 DomOfficial

WHAT DID YOU DO TO WINDFORCE

 

💾 Isekai Archive

skill issue, vibe check

 

💌 ArchiveFanAcc

DOM AND VALK ARE HERE?!?!

 

🖊️pennink

Mayday, the human has hit another SFOTH deity

Chapter Text

[Ollie]

Honestly, it was weird seeing how much attention she got after the whole "fighting a god" thing. Yeah, Ollie knows she did something big- but seeing herself, who was a middle-class nobody in her previous life, have so much eyes on her... not unsettling, but not good as she hoped it would be. Biograft followed behind her, just meandering around but scanning for threats.

"Yo, 8-Bit! Sorry for missing all those shifts for a few months- is BOGGIO still hiring here, or did they fill my job already?" Her former coworker looked up from the cashier and spat out his cola, turning pale. "UH- UM. Pan-" The demon looked nervous. Ollie's Biograft didn't help the matter, looming there menacingly. She looks at them with an apologetic look, and the robot steps out of the shop with an almost-huff of steam.

Ah, damn. Gotta remember that I'm kinda scary to them. She takes a step back, shrinking into herself as to look less intimidating. "Hey, hey- I'm not looking for trouble. No need to be scared, dude." She gives a grin. "How's life by the way, 8-Bit?"

"N-nice? I guess?" The skate shop worker still looked like he was facing down a lion with her in the room. "You're, um- you've changed. A lot." He eyes her hair and new skin tone. "A lot more- brown? Tan-ish?"

"Mhm." Ollie hears the door open behind her, and she turns around the greet the shop customer with a smile and a wave. "Hey! Welcome to BOGGIO Skate Shop!" The lanky demon screeches in fear and scrambles out of the door, clearly taken off guard by seeing a literal public menace in the local skate shop.

"...Ah, shit." She sighs. "Damn, guess I'd scare the customers away." She stretches a bit, and 8-Bit Skateboard looks downright terrified. "N-No! It's not a problem, Pan, I'm sure the boss'll be fine with-"

"8-Bit, dude-" Ollie sighs, and pinches her nose. "I'm not gonna get mad and attack you because I lost my job. You're a chill guy, and I only whooped Illumina's ass because he decided to kill me- well, at least try to kill me. "

She picks up a pen from the cashier's table and the notepad, and scribbles down her number. "Look- if you want to hang out on your off-days, here's my phone number. I'd love to get a coffee or two with you at Slingshot's Cat Cafe." The human flashes her signature dull-toothed smile at her former coworker. "No problem!"

She chats a bit more with 8-Bit before leaving the shop, and walking back to her former apartment, Biograft opting to roller-skate slowly. Peeking her head into the formerly closed door, she groans. "They fucking took all my stuff and sold it- of course."

"DO NOT WORRY. WE CAN FIND ANOTHER PLACE."

Ollie sits up, checking her phone and searching up some hotels to stay a few nights at so that she could recuperate and plan on what to do next. A bunch of passerby stared and gawked at her like a wild animal roaming the street, but she was pretty confident nobody would make a move on her- despite her victory being mostly luck, everyone still saw her as ballsy enough to take on Illumina.

The scruffy-haired woman stopped outside of a large hotel, rubbing her chin and wondering if it was a good fit. "Says it comes with breakfast if I buy the business class, and it has pretty good free wifi..." Ollie glances at her laptop, intending to post more stuff on her Isekai Archive account. Biograft nods. "THERE IS ALSO THE ADDED BENEFIT OF MORE PEOPLE AROUND. THE MORE PEOPLE AROUND, THE LESS LIKELY CERTAIN CRIMES HAPPEN."

She walks in, and manages to get a room on the second floor. The receptionist was skittish- which was better than a look of disgust or outright fear, that's for sure. Ollie opens the hotel door, flops on the bed, and begins typing away at her laptop, uploading stuff onto her remaining flash drives.

Now, where to start. The apartment I stayed at was already given to me when I isekai'd here, so I'll either have to find another one at Crossroads or... Ollie hums in contemplation. But I might draw a bit to much attention. And seeing that the factions might try to get me again- or are they too scared after the public fight? Better safe then sorry- I might need to either lay low or get famous off of being powerful.

The brunette opens a word document and begins to put her plan out in bullet points. She lists the pros and cons of either living alone in Crossroads again, or finding a way to live with her newfound friends as a roommate. Biograft lays on the end of the bed- the short human didn't take up a lot of space.

"I WOULD BE INCLINED TO SHARE A LIVING SPACE NEAR OTHERS, BUT ONLY TO A CERTAIN DEGREE." Biograft whirrs, and taps on the edge on Ollie's laptop. "PERHAPS BUYING A HOUSE NEXT TO ONE OF THE PHIGHTERS YOU KNOW IS GOOD."

"Of course! I'd be glad to do so, friend!" Ollie checks out the list of candidates she wrote down. "Hyperlaser is out, he's directly in Blackrock and I can't step foot in there anymore... and Medkit's out of the question, even if he does manage to get away from the Church of the True Eye."

"And I don't know a lot about Playground, but Boombox and Skateboard say there's a lot of climbing involved. Eugh, stairs." Ollie shudders at the memory of her own death, though not as violently before. "So that leaves Thieves' Den. Which was already my prime candidate, considering I've been there before and it's close as it can get to my nationality."

[Biograft]

Frying Pan Olivine seemed to be much more relaxed and happy now that she wasn't putting up any facade- Biograft rather liked seeing their roommate and best friend like this. No tension, no stress- well, other than currently figuring out what to do for a job.

"Ugh... I can't be a cashier- I'll scare off customers, and while delivery is nice I don't want to take orders going to Lost Temple or Blackrock. And I don't have any coding skills and advanced first aid skills..." She taps a finger on the cover of the hotel bed, thinking. "Something that gets me a lot of money to buy a house all at once... something that'll improve my reputation enough so the regions won't try to hunt down and kidnap me-"

"WHY NOT JOIN THE PHIGHTERS THEN? SHOW OFF YOUR BATTLE INTELLECT, AND SHOW HOW YOU CAN FIGHT OFF ANY ATTACKERS."

Ollie looks at Biograft with a 'what the fuck' face, but sighs. "Biograft, my ass is not trained in combat, and my laptop technically isn't a weapon gear like the other Phighters."

"MEDKIT USES A REVOLVER THAT ISN'T HIS GEAR." Biograft argues. "AND AS FOR YOUR INEXPERIENCE, YOUR FEROCITY AND INSTINCT MAKES UP FOR IT."

"Awww, thanks, Biograft." Ollie gives a smile. "But- um. How the hell do I even get into the main televised Phights."

"WELL, YOU CAN DO IT THE HARD WAY. WIN ALL THE BATTLES IN THE INFORMAL PHIGHTS, GO THROUGH THE CIRCUITS..." The human groaned, clearly frustrated. "Those take forever from what I learned on the forums. I won't make it in time to buy a house."

Biograft makes a whirring laugh. and she swears the robot is smirking without a mouth. "OR YOU CAN DO WHAT BAN HAMMER DID... AND GO DIRECTLY TO DOM AND VALK."

"Biograft, I only know those two from Youtube. We had one interaction. One."

The robot kicks their feet up and clicks the roller skates back into their feet sassily. Their sentience, along with their time with Ollie, made them a sassy, blunt guy with a personality that was leagues above the fabricated 'personalities' of their non-sentient brethren.

"I'M NOT SAYING YOU SHOULD BREAK INTO CROSSROADS TOWER, AND INTIMIDATE THEM THE WAY BAN HAMMER DID." Biograft says cheekily, fully intending her to do so. "BUT AS YOU SAY- 'GO OFF, I GUESS'."

Ollie blinks slowly, then a slow, mischievous grin began to grow on her face. The kind that she had whenever she wanted to start shit, and when she ran the god of Light over with a car. "Go on. I'm listening."

[Valk]

This week was just too wild for Valk! He's got all this work to do, new contracts to look over- and now there's this whole fiasco with a human coming back from the dead and beating up his great-uncle!

"Doooom... I'm too tired for this, do we have to help out with the news broadcast today?" Valk whined. His brother rolled his eye and twirled his Megaphone gear in his hand. "Bro, yo know we've got to do this. We already promised the network that we'll be promoting the Dove vs. Crow Phestival, and the broadcast will help with this."

"But what if she- ugh, I'm scared just thinking about it!" Valk squeaks in fear. "She's like- a really fluffy tarantula! With less legs and weird teeth!"

Dom scoffs, clearly not afraid. "Valk, bro- she's not that scary, she's just a weird-looking species that's just like a demon. She said it herself- she's not going to kill us, and her battle with Illumina was mainly personal."

Valk shivers, and his brother groans. "Valk, you- fine! If it's so scary, need I remind you we're on top of Crossroads tower, with ballistic glass that's three inches thick. It's not like she's going to climb up the place like a spider and-"

"Holy FUCK!" One of the camera crew on the other side of the room screams, looking at some footage. "Should we report this as nightly breaking news?"

The producer stares at the camera, which is out of Valk's view. Dom is similarly confused. The producer, a rather professional-looking white-horned demon, pales even more somehow. "U-uh- shit, shit shit, get the live drone footage outside, we got a story!"

Dom seemed calm, even laughing a bit in relief. "See? I told you, it's just some run-of-the-mill paparazzi-"

"SOMEONE IS CLIMBING CROSSROADS TOWER WITH THEIR BARE HANDS, HOLY DARKHEART!!!" Valk screeched and jumped up into his brother's arms, while Dom dropped Valk and ran to look at the footage on the screen behind the terrified reporter.

It was dark outside, the sun already setting. But there was a low orange glow on the horizon, and even with the lights of the tower and the city the whole scenery looked uncanny, like a filter in a midwest gothic film.

[Dom]

Dom couldn't see it at first- he doubted anyone can. But with there was a small shift of movement in one of the trusses halfway on the tower, and he froze. A mane of bushy, spiky hair that seemed to cover the back of the creature that was clinging to the trusses like a monkey, and was rapidly climbing up, gripping and clawing at any leverage it could.

Valk nearly fainted at the sight, looking away. The terrifyingly feral figure squirreled up and up the tower, getting to 3/4th of the way up- then disappeared behind a large truss. Dom and the news team held their breath.

The office lights clicked off. There was no sound except for the machinery of the news equipment. Then, one technician let out a nervous laugh. "Damn, must be one hell of a squirrel or something-"

A heavy thump outside the window of the several hundred-foot tall tower. Dom spun around and realized with an incredulous, terrified part of himself that it was here.

Her eyes lacked the slight shine in them that made some demons have night vision, but a primal part of him screamed that she could sense him perfectly without the need for sight. Those eyes just made it more terrifying, the whites of her dark from the night and her usually-brown pupils a blank void.

Her ragged, spiky mane draped around her back like a cloak, and she opened her mouth to reveal those- ugh. Those blunt teeth. Why did a predator like her have blunt teeth?! It made no sense! And that was more terrifying than making sense!

The ancient human bared her teeth in the darkness of the night, and swung her fist at the window with a thump. Then another thump, then another, then a slight crack. The cracking continued, the crack on the glass getting louder and louder then-

A hole was punched through the ballistic glass, shards flying forward. One brave intern threw a chair at the monster, but it lurched and dodged, flopping over on all fours and crawling through the glass slowly like a wounded, hungry canine.

The nightmarish figure talks with a hoarse voice. "Yo, can you guys get me in the official Phights?" Valk faints, and doesn't notice his brother nearly pissing his pants from fear.

Dom manages to stutter out a "but that wouldn't be fair", and to his horror, the terrifying human thing turns her head at a breakneck speed. "Oh?"

The demon wheezes, looking to the camera crew for help backing him up. Ah, one of them seems to have actually pissed themselves. Joy. Looks like he's going to have to confront the human by himself.

"I-It wouldn't be fair if you were immortal." He stutters. "You'll have to die in order to get revived and continue fighting the match for- for us to keep score."

"Oh, yeah, right!" The figure hums, and raises a finger up. "I gotta ask my- boss? You got a dark room or area in here?" The whole room is dark-how dark does she want the area?!

The one-eyed, one-winged demon shuddered. "U-um... storage closet?" He points to a nearby storage closet with his claw. The human grinned that unsettling toothy grin again and gave a thumbs up. "Thanks!"

She scurried off to the closet, and the door slammed shut. Dom and the rest of the camera crew got visibly more terrified and started to sweat as that corner of the room darkened more, as if light was being absorbed by whatever she was doing.

Or was it someone- something else? Dom strained to listen, and he wish he hadn't. While the thing's deceptively young and childish voice covered it well, there was a second? Third? He didn't know, the more whispery voices overlapped like the rushing of a faraway waterfall. Something was talking back to her as of she was communing with it.

Dom's been with his grandfather at the yearly sword meetings- being a fourth of a god, he was used to most of the power they exuded. But this... it felt like it was beyond the swords. Like he was staring off into the ocean around Crossroads at night, no lights in the distance. It was like hearing the waves in the dark void of the ocean.

And just as quickly as it started, the human slammed the closet door open, making the demons scream in terror at the jumpscare. Dom could catch a glimpse of eyes closing and a misty, liquid-like substance receding from the closet walls before it disappeared entirely.

"Okay guys! I just asked the guys who brought me back to life- they're gonna let me die, but only during Phighting matches! And don't worry about having the swords bring me back. They adjusted the timer to fit the normal revival penalty during matches." She gives a terrifying richter grin. "Isn't that neat?"

Dom gives a shaky thumbs up, his legs shaking and visibly trembling like a leaf.

[Shuriken]

It was a damn good break day- Slingshot was off to run his cafe, and the siblings were just waking up. Shuriken was usually too lazy to watch the boring news unless it was funny. So he didn't really get the news of what his friend Ollie did until a week or so later.

He wakes up and goes to take some breakfast from the fridge with a yawn, looking at Vine Staff's semi-bemused face. "Yo, sis. What's got you up so early?"

"Ollie's at it again." Vine Staff nudges her cup of tea towards their TV. On it, the headline says "HUMAN CLIMBS CROSSROADS TOWER, GLASS STILL BEING REPAIRED" in all caps as the (visibly frazzled) reporter complains. "Flipside is going to be off for a week to- and I quote Dom for this, "get that freaky spider-crawling thing" out of their minds. Dear SFOTH."

Shuriken blinks. "Spider-crawl?" The footage switches over to Ollie's sighting at night, and he winces. "Oooo, yeah, that's- yup. Definitely creepy."

"Honestly, I'm shocked she has the upper-body strength to do so. Or maybe it's a new thing. Most likely." Vine Staff sips her tea. "So, wonder where she is now?" Shuriken gives a shrug, and goes back to chowing on his microwaved rice and veggies. "I dunno. Not my problem, if you ask me- she's gonna be fine."

And the two were having a pretty decent morning- right up until there was a thump outside in their backyard. Huh. must be a raccoon or something landing on the tree. Oh well. Shuriken's sister also brushed it off.

That was, until there was the rustling of the bird feeder and some snapping twigs. Vine Staff stands up, clearly annoyed. "If it's another squirrel raiding the bird feeder, I swear to Darkheart that I'll get some kind of anti-squirrel spray or-"

It was decidedly not a squirrel, as Vine Staff saw when she looked out the window. Instead, the pink-horned demon and her brother saw their human friend tangled up in the tree branches, her face mid-stuffed with birdseed. Ollie froze, looking sheepish.

"... Ollie. Why are you eating birdseed, in my backyard of all places." Vine Staff pinches the bridge of her nose.

Ollie beams, waving. "Oh! It's not just me here! Biograft came to say 'thank you' too!" Shuriken looked up, and nearly burst into laughter when he saw the robot perched up on the tree like an awkward, stuck cat. "HELLO."

Shuriken's eye drifted over to a small spot covered by the leaves and branches of the large sakura tree, squinting. Now that he noticed, there was a large strip of pink cloth that was hanging from the upper branches with some rope, along with a few more large pieces of cloth draped inside nearby trees.

Vine Staff looks at this, and her eye twitches. "Ollie. What are you doing up there."

Ollie laughs nervously, looking to the side. "Oh, nothing much, just enjoying the view-" Vine Staff interrupts her. "Don't tell me you've been staying here last night."

"I haven't only been sleeping here last night!" The human chirps, her hair getting tangled in some twigs and she hisses, de-tangling them with some difficulty. "Me and Biograft been sleeping out here for a few days lately! Sorry!"

The older sister sputters a bit at the gall and absurdity of her friend's claim, while Shuriken wheezes. "Wait, so how have you been going to the restroom and taking baths, then?!"

"Oh, I just wait for you two to go out and then I break into your house. Another sorry for acting like Broker of all people." Ollie says, slipping down from the tree trunk and dusting herself off. "I can just find another house to squat in, maybe stay out in the deeper parts of the wilderness and-"

"Oh, no you don't!" Vine Staff drags Ollie by the collar and Biograft jumps down to help her, but gets caught in Shuriken's rope when the younger demon throws his grapple like a lasso. "The both of you are going to stay over in our house until you get a new one, and I know for a fact you're job hunting right now, Ollie!"

Ollie whines in protest, clearly annoyed. "Vine, you and your brother already live with Slingshot, I don't want to be a nuisance!"

"We have a free couch right there! And your Biograft's used our outlets before, they can charge up!" Vine Staff says using a lecturing tone. "Now get in our house!"

"Never!!! You won't catch me alive!" Ollie scrambles up the tree with that familiar grabby-spider climb, and Vine Staff has to summon a few plants to drag her down and bind her. Biograft is already relaxed, knowing that the two won't hurt their roommate. "OLLIE, RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. GET YOURSELF SOME SELF-CARE AND REST."

"Never!!!" Ollie yaps, acting more of like a small, angry pocket dog. "Freedom forever!!!"

A few minutes later, Ollie is tied up with rope on the couch and swaddled in a blanket with Biograft feeding her hot chocolate. "I hate it here..." She says, pouting.

[Hyperlaser]

Finally, something normal I can deal with. Last week's Wednesday Phight, along with the Tuesday and Thursday Phight were cancelled because of the human, who he was 99% sure was that rat nuisance that gave him several heart attacks.

"Hey, Ban Hammer. Keep the other team distracted- I'm can down a few Phighters if you can help me out this round." The warden gives a toothy grin and a thumbs up, and Hyperlaser huffs from under his helmet. Older than me, and yet he can't take it more seriously.

The Blackrock mercenary readies up in the locker room, reloading his gun and checking out who his teammates were for the round. Ban Hammer's accounted for... looks like that's Sword. Medkit's on the other side, shame for that... but at least we got Vine Staff. Scythe, and then Slingshot. Not a bad lineup.

He readies his gun, and tests it out on one of the training dummies. It gets blasted back substantially.

Looks good enough. He walks up to Vine Staff. "Do you know what the other team's going to be?"

"Shuriken for sure... and Medkit. Not sure about the others, except-" Vine Staff looks at Hyperlaser, then to the other locker rooms. She blinks, and makes an indescribable face.

"... What? Is something on my helmet?" She shakes her head no. "Just- a surprise, I guess. I shouldn't spoil it." Hyperlaser gets a slight sense of annoyance and worry, but pushes it down. "Of course. But surprises aren't good in my line of work, Vine Staff."

"I know, but it's bad sport to reveal who's on the opposing team if you don't know it," The female demon says, a smile threatening to quirk up her lips.

"Vine Staff. I am getting more and more worried about who is on the other team."

She opens her mouth to maybe finally answer his question, but the bell in the locker room rings and Valk's voice blares through the intercom. "One minute until the Phight starts! Get ready to be teleported, Phighters!"

Hyperlaser picks up his gun and makes a few last-minute checks, satisfied with the quality. The familar feeling of getting pulled into the arena happens, and suddenly he's standing in the ROBLOX mall, groaning. At least it wasn't ROBLOX HQ again...

The speaker system of the mall crackles to life, and the screen in his starting area flickers. Hyperlaser's worry increases. This only happens when there's a new contender- did one of the rookies in the circut actually manage to defeat one of the established Phighters? Who?

"Now, as of... special circumstances, we're going to be introducing a last-minute NEW Phighter to the roster! Due to popular demand and... very persuasive advertising, give it up to the new girl!"

Hyperlaser's worry turns into full-blown dread. No no no, not her, it's not the rat please I beg to SFOTH-

Unfortunately, the swords either didn't hear his prayers or they were too weak to actually bring her down. Which was, in fact, more terrifying.  Hyperlaser anguished in pure frustrations and 'why??? why me???' when Valk announced the new Phighter.

"Hailing from Crossroads and having an especially interesting resume, give it up for OLIVINEEEE!" The human chirped up, giving a wave and an innocent smile from the other side. "Please, call me Frying Pan if that's what you're familiar with!" She waves her cooking equipment around, spinning it lazily.

"And 3, 2, 1... go! Let the Phight begin, and may the best team win!" The music blared, and Hyperlaser saw his worst nightmare's smile turn downright diabolical.

"I knew you broke into my apartment, Hyperlaser- and I can't have you telling anyone about the recording booth! Time for some payback, old man!"

The round, expectedly, was like fighting a feral raccoon doped on crack and set loose in a cheese factory. Hyperlaser learned what a diet coke version of hell was like.

Chapter Text

[Katana]

Out of all his years of living, Katana has never seen someone that is all-bark, no-bite like Olivine.

Sure, she... technically did bite. A lot, actually- he was sure that every time the small human went into battle, at least someone was checking for rabies afterward. But it didn't do much damage except for making others flail around in a panic.

Ollie was a civilian first and foremost, and it showed. Her frying pan wasn't that much of a hassle to deal with, and she barely did more damage than Slingshot or Skateboard up close. She was only slightly tankier than a Biograft.

But what she lacked in damage and strength, she made up for in gimmicks. The human almost always fought in enclosed spaces, her small size making her hard to hit even with her mediocre speed.

That didn't even count for the most annoying thing about her -the damn stuns. Her main thing during battle is that her primary attack had a (maybe) 10% chance to stun someone for a second, and her Phinisher? She practically stunned anyone in the medium-sized radius of her swing and froze them for five seconds.

It didn't stop them from attacking while stuck, but it took away their ability to use anything other then their primary and secondary. And that was a menace as of itself.

Already after two or so matches, Ollie made herself clear as a support rather than a melee Phighter. Katana was currently in a match with her on his team, defending the conquer point and looking out for the other team.

Ollie... the older demon couldn't see her anywhere. Maybe she was hiding for an ambush again, or whatever-

"The capture point's only got Katana there! Come on!" Sword yelled from nearby, and Katana could hear three footsteps approach while his team was busy fending off Ban Hammer and Skateboard. He readied his gear, and peeked out.

Subspace, Sword, and a Biograft. Not the most ideal composition, but if Subspace threw off his Phinisher, then he'd be stuck and prone to being killed.

Katana cursed and stepped forward, leading the three around the center of the point, blocking their attacks. Subspace cackled, seemingly recovered from his new status as Blackrock's most wanted, and prepared to throw his Phinisher right over the vehicle in the middle.

And that was when a hand shot out from underneath and grabbed Subspace, making him shriek in panic and surprise. With a tug, his gear fizzled out enough so that Katana had an opening to slice the former scientist apart and send him back to respawn.

Sword and Biograft were quickly dispatched later on, Katana's team managing to go back to the point and chase them off. Ollie climbed out from under the prop and put herself in the edge of the team, acting as a distraction. So when Skateboard managed to show up...

"Bam! Get him, guys!" The skater demon was frozen on the spot from her special attack, only for a second. And that was enough to stop all his momentum, while Rocket fired a direct hit right in his face.

Ollie yelled out to Skateboard as the poor demon was practically jumped by Katana and Rocket, the rest of the enemy team scrambling to try and help. "Sorry, man! Better luck- aw, crap!"

Ollie was then subsequently nailed in the side by Ban Hammer, who was still very pissed about the prison break after a few months. She was subsequently sent to respawn as well.

[Tumblr Post]

🎁eonseradicator                  Follow

3 days ago

I'm gonna make a new analysis on Olivine if I get some pictures and videos of her in the latest Phights. She's really hard to spot with her whole stealth thing...

💜 banhammer_fan00            Follow

man she's a coward. cant even fight properly

🦋 wingz_of_fate                   Follow

OMG I know, right??? Support barely does anything, even Vine Staff has less of a problem than her

🍞 grainofpain_                     Follow

nah you all are dumb. did you not see the stun ability? if she wasn't so physically weak, I'd call it OP. Great counter for Skateboard and Shuriken.

🍎 snappledragon                 Follow

It's just a gimmick though, just like Sword's new parry ability

🍞 grainofpain_                     Follow

nah you all are dumb, she's the reason why the phight last saturday ended in a victory. did you see that stun she pulled on Slingshot? He got eviscerated by the others. BTW thats what a support's SUPPOSED to do- help the team, not go off and battle

🎁eonseradicator                  Follow

Okay, I just got some clips from the newest phight- and you're not going to believe what happened. The human parried Hyperlaser. Sure, it ended up hitting the side and not back at Hyperlaser- but that was a parry. 

And guess who taught Sword the parry ability. He said it right after the match ended and he got MVP.

🗡️XxblademasterxX              Follow

Holy hell she can do that?! Why didn't she use it before?!

💾 isekai_archive                  Follow

Because it only works on ranged Phighters, and I suck at my reflexes. I didn't notice I was getting shot until I died, and Hyperlaser kinda just happened to catch my attention that time. Sorry for being an idiot.

🎁eonseradicator                  Follow

1 day ago

(1/?) Now, it's time for an analysis on Olivine, the newest support Phighter! This is going to be based on what we know so far about her, because I don't know if there's a human special ability or something.

Olivine, as stated in her official blog @isekai_archive, is a human civilian from the year 2024 (most likely from some ancient calendar system, not ours). She's shorter than average, with a minuscule height of 4'11 and around 20 years of age, making her the youngest and shortest of the Phighters. In addition to this, she has a laptop as her gear, not a frying pan- the stun ability is most likely an ability of hers.

Now, let's get to her overall downsides. She's a kind of fragile Phigther, and does low damage like Skateboard and Slingshot. Her speed is only kind of average, and the only upside to her physical strength is that she's good at some knockback without all that bullshit she did with Illumina (which I now think was some sort of temporary blessing from another god).

🎁eonseradicator                  Follow

(2/2) However, the best part of her abilities are her toolkit, which makes her more suited for assists and distractions rather than direct fighting- she can stun with her primary, secondary and Phinisher, and one of her special attacks is deflecting ranged projectiles and attacks. It's shown to even work on Phinishers, like Hyperlaser's Eviscerating Ray- but she seems to be bad at aiming or blocking it.

Her moveset can be described as this: swinging her pan for primary, and a low-range grapple for secondary ability. Parry for her first special ability, and a medium-range lunge/close-range grab for her second special ability. And for her Phinisher, it's a medium-range stun for ten seconds.

Overall, it's not bad for someone who literally has little experience fighting at all. This accounts for her incredibly low amount of kills and high amount of deaths, but also her relatively high number of assists. You need to remember that she took Illumina by surprise for that victory, and that her main exploits are related to infiltration and assisting others, not direct combat.

💾 isekai_archive                  Follow

Why does everyone treating what I did at Blackrock as a huge thing? I literally just put on some makeup and slapped on a fake uniform, and nobody stopped me from waltzing into a restricted lab. Subspace even invited me in.

🏙️ ice_blad3                          Follow

BRUH

🏒 hockeyfanatic                  Follow

Another L to Blackrock, lol. can't even screen out a civilian

[Hyperlaser]

This was NOT what he wanted when he said that he wanted Olivine to stop targeting him specifically. Currently, Hyperlaser was in the middle of another Phighting match, staying far away from the attention- but unfortunately (maybe fortunately, considering what she could do), the rat was on the same team as him this time.

And guess who decided was a good idea to rush the enemy team and die instantly? That's right, the same idiot he absolutely hates. Granted, it wasn't the same type of hate Subspace had for Medkit, but the mercenary hated her like she was a pest or rather annoying roach.

Ollie decided to rush up again, this time being lucky enough to stun Slingshot with a whack of her pan. Hyperlaser took the opportunity and landed a good headshot, sending the mosquito straight to respawn.

"Good job, Hyperlaser! I'll help stun a few more!" The mercenary grumbled, clearly frustrated that the annoyance was actually useful. "..."

"Aww, don't be such a spoilsport!"

He would hate her a lot less if his first encounter with her wasn't intruding in his time with Katana, and if she didn't make him stressed and paranoid for months. And combined with what happened that match last week...

Hyperlaser was on the roof of one of the buildings next to the capture point, looking through his scope. He made it his personal goal to shoot down Ollie every time she appeared in his sights, and it was pretty damn easy to do so- she died in 2 or 3 shots just fine.

However, it was right during overtime and both Hyperlaser's and Katana's teams were tied. The mercenary lifted his sniper, spun it around for his Phinisher, and-

"I'll see you in Hell." He fires directly at Ollie's head as she atares him down with wide eyes, throwing up her pan-

And then she swings it aside, making his ray bounce onto a column and miss him by a couple of feet. Everyone freezes for a second, and Ollie takes the change to start running and tackle Sword out of the capture point, keeping her feet in the area.

"- 3, 2. 1, Game! It looks like the red team has won this round!" Dom announces, clearly hyped from the close battle. Valk is nervously fiddling with his tie. "A-And a really shocking move from Olivine's part! Who knew she could parry with that pan of hers?"

Hyperlaser shudders at the memory, feeling humiliated. He wasn't going to be outdone by some brat. Ollie manages to stun Scythe, a cheeky grin on her face- but Hyperlaser decides to aim for Medkit on the other team instead.

Ollie's face falls as she looks at Hyperlaser nervously. "H-hey, man? No hard feelings about last week?" He practically smirks under his helmet and leaves her to her fate.

The scruffy human respawns with a shriek after she gets cut down by Scythe, who was definitely more pissed at Ollie for being a whistleblower and escapee. How the Church didn't manage to be caught harboring two criminals from Blackrock, Hyperlaser didn't know.

He wasn't cruel enough to just turn her in - that would be too easy. And even he had a hunch she was hiding out in Thieves' Den somewhere with Shuriken and Vine Staff. Blackrock won't dare to start another international incident, especially when they were busy with Lost Temple's recent 'betrayal'.

[Scythe]

That dirty, no-good, backstabbing VARMINT!

Scythe practically seethes as she swings her gear around, slashing at anyone that gets close to her. Usually, she'd use the gun form a bit more and actually aim, but with what's been going on recently, she's running off of pure anger and spite.

"You think you can just leave, hun?! That you can just trick the family and skeddadle?!" The cowgirl was definitely pissed beyond belief, most likely because the blame had fallen on her somehow and the Church was giving her a hard time.

The human, who she just cut down, blinked as she stared at Scythe's face and gave a shrug. "Well, yeah." Ollie then skitters closer and whacks her pan on Scythe's shoulder, doing little damage. The stun effect didn't activate, so she switched to just lunging and biting at Scythe's coat.

"Git OFF my damned coat! It's worth more than your ugly hide!" Scythe hisses, taking her gear and trying to pry Ollie off. Unfortunately, the curve of the blade made it difficult to cut Ollie.

"You know, scythes are the shittiest weapon you can bring to a fight. Even bricks have more use than this half-assed farming equipment."

Scythe freezes in place from that insult alone, letting Ollie take a harsh bite out of her flesh-and-blood arm. Medkit, who was standing behind Scythe to heal her, makes a strangled sound.

Like with Illumina, insulting someone's gear was practically a major social no-no. It was the equivalent of insulting their very being or existence, seeing that demons were uniquely bonded to their gears from 'birth'. Ollie should know this now, so she's definitely doing this on purpose.

"I AM GOING TO FLAY YA ALIVE AND FEED YER HIDE TO THE PIGS!" Scythe screeches, her usually suave demeanor gone the moment she recovered. Ollie doesn't even yelp as she's thrown to the ground, smiling smugly.

"What? It's true- the curvature of the blade is absolute dogwater at actually slashing people, and you're more likely to hit yourself. You couldn't even hit me with it when I was clinging to you-"

Scythe switches to her gear's rifle mode. Ollie wisely shuts up and runs for cover, sucking under a rock.

The outlaw spun her gun around and bolted towards the human, shooting all the time. Ollie ducks and weaved between her own teammates, making sure to lead Scythe over to Shuriken.

"Yo, Shuri! A little help here?!" Shuriken looks down from his perch and nods, while Scythe snaps her neck to him and begins shooting. The green-horned demon disappears in a puff of smoke, and she swings back to Ollie.

That momentary distraction was enough for Ollie to lunge again, knocking Scythe's barrel up to the roof and stunning the demon with a pan to the face. "Take this!"

Scythe only has some time to screech in indignation in a country accent before she felt Shuriken's gear dig into her back.

[Biograft]

The civilian-model Zeta Biograft was busy cleaning up Ollie's new house in Thieves' Den, setting up the new furniture and looking over the stuff she managed to get.

[HONESTLY, WITH HER LOW NUMBER OF KILLS, IT'S SURPRISING THAT SHE MANAGED TO MAKE THIS MUCH...] The Biograft decided to lay down in their own cot and bask in the sunlight, clearly content. The house was nice and cozy, even though it was smaller than the apartment Ollie had before.

There's a knock on the door, and Biograft perks up. "COME IN." Their roommate stumbles through the door with some Bux in her hand, clearly disheveled and tired. "Here's 1K Bux. I'm going to put it in the stash." She lumbers over to a specific spot and pulls out a floorboard, stuffing the money in it.

"... ARE YOU GOING TO REMEMBER THAT SPOT?" Olivine had a habit of hiding money in multiple stashes, all in ridiculous places. There was a safe where most of it was, sure, but the rest was just stuffed in nooks and crannies like a hoarding mouse.

"Yeah. It's stash number 16." She groans. Biograft tilts their head. "ROUGH MATCH?"

Ollie nods, her hair fluffing up and sighing. "Scythe. You get the idea."

"AH. UNFORTUNATE." Biograft pauses, and turns to the kitchen. "DO YUO WANT ME TO MAKE YOU DINNER?" The human lets out a soft laugh. "Nah- I can do it myself." She gets up from her bed, and goes to the kitchen.

Biograft's roommate takes some smoked salmon and avocados from the fridge, and pops open the rice cooker. She places them all on a sheet of dried seaweed, making a salmon California roll. Well, it wasn't really called a California roll in Thieves' Den, seeing that California doesn't exist anymore, but you get the gist.

"SUSHI AGAIN, OLLIE?" Ollie shrugs and bites into the long sushi, not even bothering to slice it up. "It's quick and easy, dude. Wanna watch some old movies or something with me?"

Biograft nods and sits on Ollie's bed as she boots up her secondary laptop and inserts a flash drive onto it. It wasn't the same as her gear laptop, so he could see the screen just fine.

"Ehhh... whaddya want to watch? I got Terminator 1 to 3, the original Pacific Rim, some history documentaries..." Ollie hands the laptop to Biograft.

Biograft hummed, and looked through the list of files. He scrolls down, and a movie catches their camera's attention. "HOW ABOUT 'THE IRON GIANT'?"

"Oooh, that's a good one. You're probably going to cry, though..."

"NONSENSE. I MAY HAVE MORE COMPLEX PROCESSING NOW, BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN I AM CAPABLE OF CRYING."

An hour or so later, Biograft was proven partially wrong as they were making sad thrumming noises from their machinery.

"I TAKE IT BACK. OH GODS, THAT WAS-"

"Yeah, I know. Love the animation, by the way."

Chapter Text

[Ollie]

Ollie "Olivine" Nguyen was your average college student that was currently dying in the middle of a damn fire. Apparently, one of the doofuses in the undergraduate chemistry lab she was taking decided to spill flammable liquid the session before hers, and everyone just assumed it was water.

Which made for a very interesting (read: HOLY FUCK IT WAS TERRIFYING) situation when someone turned on a bunsen burner. Ollie stayed behind, coughing as she grabbed the fire extinguisher and tried to remember lab safety rules.

"O-okay, class B fire extinguisher... this should work-" Something in a beaker exploded, sending shards of glass directly into her face. Her eyes were spared because of her safety goggles, but her face was now scratched and burning.

"F-FUCK! GET OUT! I-I'LL PUT OUT THE FIRE MYSELF!" Some of her classmates scrambled out, and the fire continued to spread more rapidly for some reason. The instructor was right by her side, just as panicked and terrified.

"You're not supposed to- get back! The fire department will deal with this!" She stumbles and trips face, first onto the floor. The older guy lifts her limp body up- Ollie smelled way too much smoke. Way too much.

"Come on, we can get you to the ambulance, just stay awake-" Even when stumbling out of the smoke-filled building, Ollie felt way too light and tired to focus. "U-ugh..."

Her vision blurred, and she closed her eyes. Later that day, she would be pronounced dead from respiratory arrest, likely due to the CO2 poisoning causing respiratory arrest.

Fuck. I shouldn't have done that- Mom will be so sad, I don't want to leave my family-

Interesting. You died in a rather fascinatingly selfless way... not at all like last time, albiet just as preventable.

H-huh? Who- oh shit, that's definitely not Jesus.

Indeed. My appearance must be frightening for a young lady like you.

Nah, man. You look cool. Kinda like those shadow monster designs I keep seeing on Pinterest.

I appreciate the flattery.

Hey, so am I just gonna float here or is something gonna happen? Because if I'm dead like I suspect, won't I go to Hell or something?

I doubt that you would go to Hell, even with your mostly lazy life. Besides, you managed to save two other people in the lab before you passed.

Oh thank God. I thought it was all for nothing.

Still, you're not going to an afterlife or something like that. Reincarnation is what we do here, Olivine.

Nice. Is it like a nice kinda reincarnation, or am I gonna end up as one of those isekai revenge mangas and live a terrible life of betrayal and pain?

Only if you were especially terrible, and I doubt saving others would warrant such an unfair deal.

Kudos to that, at least.

... I've already decided to show you were you're going first, since you're doing well. You played Phighting a bit on Roblox, right?

Yeah, and I was ass at it. Why I choose to play Hyperlaser half the time even though my aim is balls... that's a mystery.

Great. So you're going to that universe, and you'll be getting a decently OP power due to your good deed. What do you say?

Aw, sweet! Like, do I get to choose?

Yes.

Uhhhh... Roblox. I want an indestructible laptop with Roblox that always returns to me. Fuck it, might as well slap everything from the internet on there was well- unlimited battery, wifi... yeah.

Huh- just the same as before. I suppose you'd be just as much of a gremlin as your counterpart.

Hold up, what? What do you mean, BEFORE? And 'counterpaaAAAA-

[Ollie]

It took Ollie a few minutes to groggily wake up in her new apartment, blinking and taking deep breaths as if her body was still confirming it was alive now. She inhaled, feeling the air rush through her lungs.

God, I'd never thought I'd smell this after I died... Ollie got a look at her hands and proceeded to backtrack. Aw shit, I'm white now.

The young woman did the whole song and dance she did before, checking out her new boy and making the connection that she was in Crossroads, probably as a demon without a 'real' gear and no official documents at all. She groaned, tired. Great- probably have to get all my things in order.

Ollie sat down at her new desk and pondered, tapping her short claws on the wood. " Okay, I gotta get a job, get settled in, pay the bills..." Her eyes drifted to the laptop on her desk.

Wait- my power! I gotta check it out! Ollie booted up her laptop, seeing the familiar MacOS and her own files, including pictures from her old iPhone. At least I have photos to remember them by...

She looks outside, clearly seeing that it's night time and there's not much else she can do except have some fun. The former human boots up Roblox, scrolling through her favorite games. "Abyssal, Final Stand, Block Tales... eh. Might as well just play Phighting."

She clicks on the game and blinks after the title screen loads up. "Huh." There's a third and fourth button between "play" and "credits" - the former is greyed out, but it reads "Phight" and "characters".

"That wasn't there before- what?" Is this some sort of thing the void guy did for me? She hovers her mouse over the button and reads the description. "Only accessible during televised Phights".

... No way. No fuckin' way. Ollie hovers her mouse over the "character" button. "Access available gear."

NO FUCKING WAY! Ollie gapes, clearly amazed. They gave me fucking 'gamer' powers!

Olivine, being the loser nerd she was, read manwha. And knowing that game systems in real life were OP when applied to a single person, she knew that if word got out about this she was fucked.

The girl stays silent as she clicks on the 'character' screen and sees the names of the fourteen available Phighters available. She immediately goes to click on 'Medkit' and 'load gear'.

A revolver and medkit drops onto her desk. She tentatively reaches out, feeling the carbon steel barrel and the polymer grip. Ollie's never handled a gun before, but even she knows to point the barrel away from her body.

She flips the cylinder out, looking at the glowing crystal bullets in there. She takes a bullet out, and grips it tightly. The fragile material cracks and fizzles, dissolving and making her feel more refreshed.

"... Holy shit, this works." She opens up Medkit's namesake and checks inside the hard plastic casing. There's a full stock of bandages, medical supplies, and some small vials of red liquid (most likely mini-healing potions) inside.

Ollie goes quiet, and clicks the 'unload gear' button on her laptop. The revolver and medkit fizzle out like holograms, and she stays silent for a few minutes. "... what the hell. What the fuck." She wheezes, clearly taken off guard and nervous.

Ollie somehow manages to calm down after that, and goes quiet. The former human sighs, and lifts up her laptop again, hiding under her bedsheets to check her Roblox account.

I DEFINITELY won't tell anyone about this shit. Not unless it's dire- because this is literally game-breaking. She sighs, and checks her Roblox avatar instead. Might as well relax and see if I can get a cooler outfit with 100 Robux.

Ollie hums as she looks through her outfits, chuckling as she sees her Phighting OC in the 'creations' tab she saved. Man, he looks so damn cool. I even had a whole backstory for him.

The character she'd made a few months ago had long white horns, a UGC face and a tall body type, clearly meant to mimic the demons in the Phighting universe. She'd graced him with a white ushanka, white winter uniform, utility harness and backpack, along with a long white tail.

Well, now I know it's inaccurate. I don't have a tail, and all the pictures of demons don't show anyone with tails...

Ollie hums as she swaps between the military outfit and a more casual hoodie on her avatar, keeping the ushanka because he looked bald without it. "Now, what was I gonna-"

Her eyes fall on a switch next to her avatar display that read "toggle". She titled her head in curiosity as she pressed it. "Huh? Toggle what?"

There's a poof of smoke, and suddenly Ollie feels a lot taller and stronger. Her bed is positively cramped now, compared to before when she barely took up half the space. ... ANOTHER ONE?!