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“Hey, I'm trying to put together a sexy outfit and I'm torn between these two shirts. I'd really appreciate some advice because I've spent the last 20 minutes digging through my closet and I'm literally about to lose my mind here.”

Seonghwa hadn’t even bothered announcing his presence before walking through his roommate’s open door to immediately blurt out his dilemma, but Wooyoung didn’t seem fazed by the dramatic entrance as he simply stopped scrolling on his phone to look up at him from underneath the cozy nest of blankets he had built on his bed.

“Wait, what do you need a sexy outfit for? Are you going out?” asked his friend as a confused frown appeared on his forehead. “You said you were going straight to bed like an hour ago!”

“Well, yeah, that is indeed what I said.”

Because that had actually been Seonghwa’s initial solution to finally put an end to his horrible shitty day, but that plan had quickly lost its appeal the moment he had laid down on the mattress and realized that his usual trick of trying to sleep his problems away wasn't really going to cut it on this particular night.

The walls of the dark room had started to close up around him almost immediately the moment he turned the lights off, and he knew straight away that he would need to bring out the big guns if he truly wanted to successfully shut his brain down long enough to avoid spiraling into the second anxiety attack of the day.

Seonghwa couldn't even remember the last time he had used alcohol and meaningless sex to temporarily numb the pain, but that particular coping mechanism had always seemed to work great for him whenever he needed a quick band-aid solution to his problems – and, today, he was feeling desperate enough to try whatever strategy could keep him away from giving into the temptation of sinking to the lowest low that was reaching out to him. 

“But then I decided on a whim that what I really wanted to do tonight was to go to the bar and have some fun,” added Seonghwa with fake enthusiasm, bringing the two shirts he was holding closer to his naked chest so his friend could visualize the full outfit better. “So, which top do you think goes well with these pants?”

Please, don't ask any questions. Don’t try to dig any deeper than that. Please.

Wooyoung stared at him with the same frown on his face for what seemed like a painfully long time, probably wondering if he should try to rip away the flimsy mask of forced excitement away or not, before finally sighing and putting the phone down.

“Mhm, what kind of vibe are you going for?” asked his friend while pushing the mountain of blankets aside to sit at the edge of the bed.

Thank you.

“I want to look hot and desirable, but in a classy and almost unattainable way. Something that says: ‘You should be grateful I’m even looking your way, let alone sucking your dick’.”

Wooyoung snorted as a soft knowing smile appeared on his face, humming while he studied both shirts for a few seconds before pointing to the oversized white blouse hanging from his right hand.

“That one.”

Seonghwa pursed his lips and headed towards the full-length mirror that was leaning against the wall to stare at his reflection, throwing the discarded top on the bed and putting the flowy shirt on while trying to see the vision his friend was going for.

“Are you sure? I feel like the other one makes me look sexier because it shows more skin,” he said as he tucked the ends of the shirt into his skin-tight black pants without looking away from the mirror.

“Very sure,” confirmed Wooyoung before getting up to grab something from his dresser and walking over to stand next to him. “Here, let’s try styling it with this for a nice extra touch.”

Seonghwa barely had any time to turn around before his friend wrapped a black corset around his waist, pulling on the strings on the front to tighten it up with expert fingers and taking a step back once he was done to properly check the final look out.

“See? You don’t need to walk around half-naked to be sexy,” added Wooyoung while he fixed the upper part of the blouse to make it flow elegantly over the corset. “Look at how hot you look right now even though you’re completely covered. Whoever you end up fucking should feel honored by the privilege of being chosen by such a majestic queen. ”

Seonghwa snorted at the cheesy pep-talk, but he still couldn’t hold back the soft smile that came to his lips as he made a spin to look at the full outfit from every angle.

This was certainly not an outfit that matched his regular style and he knew it was going to make him stand out from the laid-back crowd at the bar, and yet he could feel his confidence growing by the second when he stared at the way the corset was hugging his body to create a pretty hourglass figure that highlighted both his small waist and his long legs.

His main goal here was to get pushed against a bathroom wall at some point before the end of the night, and he could already tell that this particular garment was probably going to get in the way and make the experience a lot more uncomfortable than it needed to be – but that was a problem for Future Seonghwa to deal with, all he needed to worry about right now was to find a hot guy he clicked with and have some mindless fun with him.

“Okay, you’re right. I can definitely see what you mean,” he said before giving his friend a quick hug. “Thanks, Wooyo. I spent way too much time going through my clothes and I just couldn’t find anything that worked.”

“Of course, anytime,” replied his roommate with a smile before moving back to sit on the bed and pick up his phone again. “I assume you’re going to ARRIBA? Who are you going with? I can join you if you wait until I’m done with my stream. I’ll be your wingman.”

“I’m going by myself, but it’s fine. I don’t plan on hanging around for too long anyway, I have a very specific goal in mind. I’ll just pester Yunho at the bar until someone catches my eye. I simply need something to keep me distracted and make me forget about my shitty day for a few hours, and I’m really hoping that ‘something’ will be a half-decent dick.”

The frown that he had managed to wipe off Wooyoung’s face during their lighthearted conversation about the outfit came back the moment he finished talking, and he could already tell that his friend wasn’t going to let it go just as easily this time around.

“Did something happen? Do you want to talk about it?”

Goddammit, Wooyo.

“Just same old shit,” he said instead, eyes still fixed on the mirror to avoid looking at his best friend because he knew he might just lose it again if he did. “I had an argument with Mr. Choi because he still refuses to hire the extra staff we need or at least pay me for all the overtime I do. My car started making weird noises again and I don’t have the money to fix it, so I can only pray that it won’t leave me stranded before I can save up. And, of course, the highlight of my day: fucking Junhyung showed up at the restaurant to make a scene and loudly call me names while simultaneously begging me to take him back in front of everyone.”

He could feel the anxiety he had been trying to bottle up all night bubbling towards the surface as bits and pieces of the day replayed inside his mind, and all he could do to stop himself from crying was keeping his lips tightly pressed together to avoid going on about the emotional turmoil that had been seeing his ex-boyfriend standing in front of him again for the first time in weeks.

“Oh, Seonghwa. I’m really sorry, you truly don’t deserve any of the bullshit you have to put up with because of all of these assholes,” replied Wooyoung before he wrapped his arms around his waist to lock him in a tight back hug. “Don’t worry, I just know that they’ll call you back from one of the other jobs you’ve applied for soon and you’ll be able to leave that hellhole behind. And Junhyung can go fuck himself, seriously, he has no right to pull that shit after everything he put you through! Let us know if he ever shows up at your work again, because Yunho and I will be more than happy to show up and break his kneecaps.”

Seonghwa laughed softly as the sympathy in his friend’s voice quickly turned into anger while talking about his ex-boyfriend, and the genuine smile that came to his mouth as he returned the hug felt weirdly foreign and tense on his face. 

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d actually smiled with real joy, let alone laugh: the last few months (or the last few years, if he was being fully honest with himself) had been extremely difficult, and keeping his head above the water had become increasingly harder as time went by.

“It’s fine, I’ll deal with all of that tomorrow. Tonight…” said Seonghwa before sighing. “Tonight I just don’t want to think about any of that. I don’t want to think about anything at all, in fact. I just want to forget about everything, let loose, get drunk, and hopefully get dicked down too.”

Wooyoung fell silent behind him after that, and he braced himself for the question that he just knew was about to come his way.

“Do you need to borrow some cash for the car? I can pay to get it fixed now and you’ll give it back to me whenever you have the money, no rush. Driving around like that could be dangerous, Seonghwa.”

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, feeling the good old familiar shame swirling inside him as he moved away to break the hug and put some distance between them.

“You and Yunho have already been covering my part of the rent since I moved in, Wooyo. You even had to move your streaming equipment out of your studio to give me the room. I appreciate the offer, I really do, but I’m not taking anything else from any of you.”

“You’ve only been here for two months, Seonghwa, it’s really not a big deal. I simply want you happy and safe and far away from that fucking asshole,” explained Wooyoung. “I really don’t mind paying for the car repair, though. I’m actually bringing out the Bad Dragon dildo in tonight’s session, so I’m probably going to make bank with the tips an—”

“I said ‘no’,” he added as firmly as he could, hoping that’d be enough to end the conversation.

Awkward silence stretched tensely in the room, before his friend broke it by sighing loudly and dramatically.

“Fine.”

“Thank you,” replied Seonghwa, forcing his eyes to finally move away from their reflection in the mirror to stare directly at his roommate. “I really appreciate it, but…”

But I’m tired of always being the perpetual charity case.

“I understand,” muttered Wooyoung, looking like he wanted to add something else to their conversation for a second, but ultimately dropping it in favor of sitting down on the bed and smiling up at him again. “Anyway, what’s that phrase you always say? ‘This is a problem for Future Seonghwa’. Tonight, let’s focus on making you look even hotter so you can go out there and get yourself a mind-blowing lay. Why settle for a half-decent dick, huh? You deserve much more than that after everything you’ve been through. We’re publicly launching your brand new singleness with a bang! Now come here, your hair is getting long so let’s do something cool with it.” 

Seonghwa released the breath he didn’t know he was holding when he heard that, standing by the mirror for a bit longer before nodding and sitting on the floor in front of Wooyoung, who immediately pushed his fingers through his medium-length black hair.

“Mhm, what should we do…” mumbled his friend while playing around with the strands and considering his options. “Let’s do a couple of braids on this side, I think it’d look super cute!”

He nodded in response, unsure if he’d be able to talk out loud without crying right now as an overwhelming mix of emotions consumed him when his friend started to silently part the hair on his temple.

“I love you, Seonghwa,” added Wooyoung softly while he worked on the first braid. “We all love you and we are more than happy to be there for you when you need it, just like you're always there for us. I just want you to know that.”

“I know,” he replied, feeling the tears coming up to his eyes. “I love you too.”

And he did, he truly did.

He knew he was probably being difficult for no real reason, but Seonghwa simply refused to rely on his friends and their generosity more than he already had, he was the only one who deserved to deal with the consequences of the shitty decisions he’d made throughout his life – but not tonight, though.

He deserved a break after all the bullshit he'd dealt with in the last 12 hours.

He refused to let all his past mistakes ruin his first night out since the break-up with Junhyung, so there was no point in worrying about any of that right now.

Wooyoung was right: tonight, he just needed to focus on putting his problems aside to have some fun and get laid.

Everything else was a problem for Future Seonghwa, who would manage to push through no matter what.

Just like he always did.

–

Seonghwa would like to say that he didn’t really know how he got here, but he’d actually be lying to himself if he did.

He had grown up with a very specific idea of how he wanted his future to look like, a perfectly crafted life so idyllic that it would make his teenage self kick his feet and roll around on his bed every time he thought about it.

Younger-Seonghwa had spent hours and hours carefully thinking about the path he would follow in order to successfully achieve that flawless illusion: he had a clear goal in mind and a very detailed plan he had to follow in order to get there.

Two things that had shattered into pieces as he grew older.

He rationally knew that this was usually the case for most people because having that much control over one's life was a rare privilege, but that knowledge didn’t really help Seonghwa soothe the deep-rooted disappointment and embarrassment that grew bigger inside him every day.

He was two months away from turning 26, and that fast-approaching milestone only served as a painful reminder that he was stuck in a place he didn’t know how to escape.

Younger-Seonghwa had known that some deviations in his plans would probably happen, but he was still convinced that he’d have the right foundation for his perfect future by age 25. 

He’d thought that, by now, he’d have his pristin Education degree hanging on the wall and he’d be spending his days surrounded by noisy and sticky children. Kids who would call him ‘Mr. Seonghwa’ and who would run up to hug him goodbye before leaving his class. 

He’d thought that, by now, he’d be deeply in love with a doting boyfriend who would return his devotion just as passionately. Someone who would buy him flowers just because he felt like it and who would gush to his friends about Seonghwa’s amazing cooking skills. 

He’d thought that, by now, he’d have someone who would lie beside him at night in their shared bed and silently stare into his eyes just because he’d never get tired of looking at Seonghwa. Someone who would pin him down and make love to him with the same reverence and emotion as their first time together, full of desperation and lust without losing that sweet tenderness.

Seonghwa had thought that, by now, he’d be someone much much different to the man he was today – and he couldn’t help but mourn the loss of that fake version of himself that never lived sometimes.

He knew he could only blame himself and the series of bad decisions he’d made over the last six years for the downfall of his life, and that was the hardest thing to accept, the thing that made him lose sleep at night.

Seonghwa had been the one who had decided to give up on his studies the moment his parents disowned him after he came out as gay, too overwhelmed by the hectic working schedule he had thrown himself into in order to survive.

He’d been the one who had lied to himself with promises of him picking his education back up once he was settled in a more stable situation, but those words had sounded empty to his own ears even as he had said them back then.

He'd also been the one who had decided to jump from one toxic relationship to another, ignoring the exact same old red flags that had destroyed his self-worth and confidence in the first one.

Junhyung was supposed to be just another one-night stand, one of the many casual hook-ups Seonghwa had been involved with after breaking up with his high-school boyfriend, but he’d allowed himself to get love-bombed by the cheap compliments and the shallow shows of affection far too easily. 

The first time he had caught Junhyung cheating was one year into their relationship, but he’d stupidly decided to forgive him and take him back even if Seonghwa knew he’d do it again – which was exactly what he had done.

And, once again, he couldn’t even fully blame his shit ex-boyfriend for it because he had been the one who had put himself in that situation.

Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.

Junhyung had stopped being the perfect gentleman he had pretended to be very early on, but Seonghwa had still struggled to say goodbye to the longest relationship he’d ever had even if he was fully aware that he hadn’t felt any real love for that man in a long time.

He would never tell this to any of his friends, but the pathetic truth was that he hadn’t even brought up the last cheating incident with the intention of breaking up with Junhyung: Seonghwa had simply used it as ammo to throw at his ex-boyfriend while they were having an argument about a whole different issue on Christmas Eve.

He’d just been so angry because Junhyung was always deep in debt for reasons he wouldn't even share with his partner, and Seonghwa had been the one forced to keep milking his (already sad) savings account dry in order to pay for all the expenses of their shared apartment for the third month in a row.

Throwing all the numb pains and frustrations he had bottled up for years to his ex-boyfriend’s face in his enraged rant had felt incredibly good in the moment, but it had ended up backfiring on Seonghwa as Junhyung simply proceeded to laugh and spit the words that were still playing on loop in his brain almost two months after breaking up.

“You’re pathetic, Seonghwa. You truly think you deserve something better just because you put on the little doting housewife act, even though we both know you suck at it. You suck at most things, to be honest. Sex is the one single area where you truly excel at, I’ll give you that. Actually, sex is quite literally the only thing you’re good for! The fact that you’re such an obedient slut used to make putting up with you worth it, but you’re so fucking annoying that’s not even the case anymore.”

He didn’t really know why those specific words had been the final straw that gave him the rush of courage he needed to finally leave after three years of putting up with Junhyung’s bullshit, but he couldn’t deny that they had been the only reason why he had calmly gathered all his belongings after the fight to walk out of the door and never look back.

He knew he shouldn’t take the insults of a cheating asshole to heart, and yet it was hard to get over the fact that it wasn’t even the first time a man he’d loved had said something along those lines to him.

Words full of hate and venom that should have sounded like a desperate last attempt to exert control over him, but that held enough truth in them to fuel the muted ache Seonghwa held deep in his chest.

It was a bitter pill to swallow, but he was doing his best at making peace with the idea that maybe his body really was the most valuable thing he had to offer to someone else.

–

“That awkward guy with the glasses has been intensely staring at you since the moment you sat down. He hasn’t taken his eyes off you for a single second.”

Seonghwa snorted and downed the rest of the (free) Porn Star Martini some guy had bought him before putting the empty glass down, covering it with his hand to signal that he didn’t want a refill just yet when Yunho immediately moved to grab the bottle.

“A lot of people are staring at me,” he replied easily over the music while circling the edge of the glass with a finger, not even bothering looking in the direction the bartender had pointed to in order to check the aforementioned awkward guy out.

“That would sound incredibly arrogant coming from anyone else, but I won’t call you out on it because it is factually true. You are indeed getting even more attention than usual tonight, for some reason I don’t fully understand. I guess they’re all already lacking that sober clarity even if it’s still early in the night.”

Seonghwa chuckled and looked up to glare at his friend, only to see the playful grin on Yunho’s face get even bigger at his failed attempt at looking intimidating.

“You might want to give this one a chance, though, it’s obvious that he’s very well-off,” added the bartender without losing the smirk. “He looked incredibly nervous when I took his order, so I made some small talk to try to make him feel more at ease. He came to Busan for business and is going back to Seoul tomorrow, but doesn't seem to behave like the typical city douchebag at all. He paid for his drink with a ₩50,000 bill and told me to keep the change, so I’m sure he wouldn’t mind paying for that top shelf liquor you like so much.”

“I’m definitely not looking for a nervous and awkward guy tonight, loaded or not,” he explained, which prompted his roommate to eye him suspiciously before grabbing a bunch of limes and the knife.

“You’re being weirdly picky today, you’ve already been approached by three different men who seemed handsome and pleasant enough. One of them even bought you that overpriced drink you asked for, but you didn’t even try to engage in conversation with any of them,” replied Yunho while working on the first lime. “I thought you came here to get laid. It's been a while, but from what I remember, all it used to take for you to disappear into the bathroom with the first good-looking guy who came your way was some minor small talk and a few free drinks.”

Seonghwa couldn’t help the surprised cackle that left his mouth when he registered what his friend had said, gasping and dramatically putting a hand on his chest to overplay the real slight offense he had felt at the implied meaning behind the words. 

“Are you calling me a cheap whore?” he asked in a fake high-pitched tone.

“I wouldn’t dare to say such a thing,” said the bartender before pointing to his choice of drink with his chin. “I think you’re a pretty expensive one, actually.”

He snorted, but his roommate was called over by another customer before he had the chance to remind Yunho that he himself had slept with way more people than Seonghwa.

I guess it takes one to know one.

He sighed and stopped himself from fidgeting with the empty glass while he stared at his friend on the other end of the bar, absently touching his hair to make sure the delicate braids Wooyoung had stylized on his temple were still holding up as he spaced out.

Yunho had been right, though: Seonghwa had been rejecting everyone who had come his way ever since he arrived, and he knew that really wasn’t a good strategy if he truly wanted this night to be all about getting drunk and laid. 

One of the men who had approached had been very much his type, and Seonghwa certainly had never been this petulant while looking for a casual one-night stand before, but he was searching for that electric spark that signaled that the sex would be something more satisfying than a lukewarm and rushed blowjob in a dark corner.

He had dressed to impress tonight, so maybe Wooyoung was right when he had said Seonghwa didn’t actually have to settle for a half-decent dick and could actually aim for something higher.

If he was going to let loose and have some fun to forget about his shitty day (or, hopefully, his shitty year), he might as well go all in and choose someone he actually had some real chemistry with.

In an attempt to maintain the aura of easy confidence and coolness he’d been trying to portray all night, he turned around in his seat as casually as he could in his crushing corset and skin-tight pants to lean back on the bar and scan the dance floor before subtly looking in the direction his roommate had pointed to earlier.

There were a few men with glasses in that general area, but Seonghwa knew immediately who the awkward and nervous rich guy his roommate had mentioned was – and he could feel his lips turning up in a smile at the way the stranger seemed to perfectly blend in with the dark wall he was leaning against, while still stand out like a sore thumb.

The man in question wasn’t his usual type, but Seonghwa could still admit that he was quite conventionally attractive, even though it was hard to know for sure with the way he was hiding behind his upscale glasses and the black hair that fell over his forehead. Checking the rest of him out was just as difficult as his face had been, but the guy looked kind of short and slim with decently wide shoulders and pleasant body proportions.

He also was still wearing his thick gray coat, even though he was most likely melting under it, and yet Seonghwa could easily see that he was dressed in a simple but stylish way: dark silk shirt and matching dress pants sitting so perfectly on his body that it seemed like they had been created with his exact measurements in mind.

And it really wouldn’t surprise Seonghwa if they had indeed been tailored just for him, considering how effortlessly expensive the man looked despite the deceivingly plain outfit. Even from this distance, he could tell that the materials of his clothes were probably as pricey as the fancy silver watch that peeked under the sleeve every time the guy fidgeted with his empty glass.

A man like that one in a mid-tier gay bar like this one would usually scream ‘Asshole With A Superiority Complex’, in Seonghwa’s experience, but the expected obnoxious and cocky vibe was completely overridden by the painful awkwardness that exuded from the guy in visible waves.

It wasn’t even just the dark deer eyes he could see shining with nervousness behind the man’s fancy glasses, it was also his tense posture as he stood stiffly in a dark corner with his coat still on – like he was fully prepared to bolt out of here at any given moment.

Seonghwa couldn’t help but giggle at the way Awkward Guy immediately panicked and averted his gaze the moment he made accidental eye contact with him, looking like he was trying really hard to make himself even smaller under his curious stare.

He also couldn’t stop himself from winking after the man slowly looked his way once more to check if he was still staring, laughing again when Awkward Guy somehow got even more flustered when he brought his empty glass to his mouth in his panic and realized he didn’t have any liquid left.

Cute.

“Leave the poor dude alone before he passes out. I really don’t feel like dealing with that.”

Seonghwa turned around again to find that Yunho had gone back to cutting limes on the other side of the bar, so he chuckled in reply and tapped his glass to signal that he now wanted that refill.

“With cheap vodka this time, please,” he said, watching the bartender silently work on his drink for a bit as he gathered his thoughts. “What is a guy like that one doing in a place like this, anyway? There are much nicer gay bars in Haeundae.”

“Are you implying that our bar isn’t nice?” asked Yunho jokingly. “I agree that he does seem awfully out of place, but I feel like it’s just because he doesn’t go out often and not because of the place itself. He’s probably a corporate closet case who doesn’t want to risk running into people he might know if he stays closer to the financial district or something.”

“Mhm, maybe,” hummed Seonghwa before grabbing the newly refilled-glass. “Thanks.”

“You seem awfully curious about him. I thought you said you weren’t looking for a nervous and awkward guy tonight,” added his roommate playfully while leaning over the bar to get closer to him.

“Shut up. You know I don’t do the closeted and self-conscious type, I like my men confident and secure in themselves,” said Seonghwa.

“That’s a weird way to describe abusive assholes.”

He groaned. “Junhyung was a douchebag, I won't deny that, but he wasn’t that bad.”

“He was a controlling piece of shit, Seonghwa. I don’t think you’re aware of how much you changed after you started dating him. He turned you into a shell of the man you used to be, and the more we tried to warn you, the harder you’d push us away. So, yeah, he was indeed that bad.”

He pressed his lips tight together and stared into the glass, knowing deep down that Yunho was probably right even if he had tried really hard to hide the worst parts of his relationship with Junhyung from his friends.

“The fact that you’re such an obedient slut used to make putting up with you worth it, but you’re so fucking annoying that’s not even the case anymore”

He sighed and closed his eyes for a few seconds, trying to push those words and all the dark emotions that always came with them away before they could take root in his brain and ruin the rest of his night.

Seonghwa had gotten better at avoiding thinking about Junhyung’s ‘Famous Last Words’ lately, but he couldn’t deny that they still sent him into a painful spiral if he focused too much attention on them.

Instead, he took a sip of his Porn Star Martini to try to drown those feelings without even bothering to reply to what Yunho had said, since there was really no point in trying to deny it anyway: there was indeed plenty of evidence that proved that he did, in fact, have a weird special talent to attract toxic douchebags.

One of his favorite things about their friendship was the fact that he could count on the bartender to give him the proverbial slap on the face and calmly call him out every time Seonghwa tried to run away from his problems, even if the rest of his friends also never hesitated when it came to sitting him down for an intervention when needed - especially Wooyoung, who was always more than ready to throw painful truths at him until they were both crying in the middle of a screaming match.

Yunho’s serene brand of straightforward honesty had the tendency of making him feel guilty instead of angrily defensive, and while he usually appreciated that approach over the rest when he was being stubborn, he really didn’t feel like facing that particular reality tonight of all nights.

Seonghwa had gone out precisely because he didn't feel like facing his inner demons tonight.

“Anyway, prepare yourself. I think someone is gathering the courage to shoot his shot,” muttered Yunho before walking away.

He frowned at the bartender’s words and followed him with his eyes until he came to a stop in front of Awkward Guy, who was now tensely standing barely a couple of meters away from him while looking like he was trying very hard to ignore Seonghwa’s somewhat close presence.

He looked a lot shorter than he had seemed from the other side of the dance floor, although in his defense not that many people could look tall while standing next to Yunho. He also looked even more effortlessly wealthy up close, since now Seonghwa had a clear view of the quality of his coat and the fancy wallet he grabbed from his inner pocket to pay for the drink.

And, once again, he found himself wondering why a guy like that one would choose to come to a place like this.

“Hi there.”

It took Seonghwa a second to realize that the greeting was meant for him, but the unmistakable hoovering presence by his side made him finally look away from Awkward Guy to find a shirtless man standing right next to him.

“Hi,” he replied, not even bothering to hide the fact that he was looking at the newcomer up and down.

In the most basic terms, this man ticked all the requirements in Seonghwa’s ‘Checklist for Hook-ups’: handsome face, killer body, pretty smile, and the confidence of a guy who was very aware of how good he looked.

And yet, the sad reality was that despite the physical attractiveness, he didn’t feel the magical spark he was looking for when the stranger leaned into his personal space to continue talking closer to his ear.

“My name is Jun, and I hope you don’t mind my boldness, but a man as gorgeous as you really shouldn’t be sitting here all alone. I’d love to buy you a drink and maybe keep you company for a bit, if you’re up for that.”

On any other day, Seonghwa would have probably eaten up the rehearsed cheesy flirtation and seized the opportunity to flirt back without a second thought, but today he found himself replying in what he hoped was a polite and dismissive tone instead.

“Nice to meet you, Jun. That’s very sweet of you, but I’m actually good by myself,” explained Seonghwa while lifting his mostly full glass. “And I just got this drink so I don’t need a new one. Thanks, though.”

Jun stared at him in silence for a bit longer, probably waiting to see if he was going to introduce himself or acknowledge him in any other way, but ended up chuckling and lifting his hands in surrender when Seonghwa simply returned the eye contact without adding anything else.

“Okay, then. Feel free to look for me if you change your mind.”

You know what? I'm starting to feel tipsy, so I'll probably take you up on that offer sooner rather than later.

“Sure,” he replied.

Jun stood there for a moment longer before finally chuckling in defeat and heading towards the dance floor again, carefully followed by Seonghwa’s eyes as he seriously wondered why he was shooting himself in the foot like this by letting such a fine specimen of a man walk away like that.

“What’s wrong with that one? He’s a solid nine and looks pleasant enough.”

He turned around when he heard Yunho’s voice to find him on the other side of the bar again, waiting for his reply with curious eyes while he cleaned the counter with a rag.

Driven by a completely thoughtless impulse, Seonghwa immediately looked to his left to see that the place Awkward Guy had been occupying barely a couple of minutes ago was completely empty now.

He was surprised by the sudden disappointment that hit him in the chest as he stared at the vacant spot, realizing almost bitterly that Awkward Guy had probably seen him talking to Jun and had decided to give up before even trying to approach Seonghwa.

Anyway…

“There’s absolutely nothing wrong with him, he is indeed a solid nine,” he finally explained after sighing and focusing his attention back on the bartender. “He’s just not the right fit for what I’m looking for.”

“Looks like nobody is a right fit tonight. If you keep rejecting everyone who comes your way, you’ll have to end up coming home with me,” replied Yunho with a grin before leaning over the bar. 

He knew that his roommate was simply talking about Seonghwa going back to their shared apartment empty-handed, but he was quick to catch the double-meaning in his words and decided to play along with the teasing without missing a beat.

“Surely a lowly bartender like you surely can’t afford someone like me,” he said seductively before bringing the glass to his lips. “I’m a premium hooker, remember? I have very expensive requirements and only a few select people can have the privilege of taking me home with them.”

A shocked cackle escaped the bartender when he finally recognized the throwback to their previous conversation about his affinity for pricey liquor, and Seonghwa mentally patted himself on the back for being able to successfully give a comeback that left Yunho speechless even if it was for a short moment.

“Of course I remember you’re a man with expensive requirements,” replied his roommate finally before humming, seemingly deep in thought. “But I let you come in here for free and never charge you for the drinks, don’t you think I deserve a special discount just for that?”

“Excuse you, do I look like the kind of professional who hands out discounts? I deserve to be fairly compensated for the outstanding services I provide,” he explained, trying really hard to maintain the same serious monotone and not break character. “I’ll think about making an exception just for you if you bring out one of those bottles from the top shelf for my next free drink, though.”

“I don’t doubt you’re probably really good at what you do, but I don’t know if you’re that good,” said Yunho, before being interrupted by a different customer and chuckling one last time at their stupid inside joke before leaving him alone once again.

Seonghwa snorted before looking down at his glass, feeling the pleasant tipsy buzz and the playfulness that had come from their banter quickly turn sour when a sudden hit of physical and emotional exhaustion washed over him as the background noise seemed to fade away for a moment.

Well, joke’s on you, because I’ve been told sex is actually the only area where I excel at.

He closed his eyes and sighed loudly as Junhyung’s words echoed inside his mind all over again, chastising himself for being stupid and ruining what was supposed to be a fun night out with all this unnecessary pickiness and gloominess that seemed to cling to him.

What was the point of getting out of bed and dressing up to come all the way here if you’re just going to sit around to mope like a pathetic fool? Get the fuck up and go to the dance floor. 

Determined, he opened his eyes and turned around in his seat to look for Jun amidst the sea of strangers to find him grinding on someone who could have been Seonghwa, if he hadn’t decided to chase him away for no real good reason.

He took another sip of his drink while working on a strategy to get the man attention back on him as he mentally prepared himself to head towards him, but the faint sound of someone mumbling right next to him made him stop in his tracks before he could even get up.

Seonghwa was so genuinely surprised to see Awkward Guy standing there when he turned around that it took him a moment to snap out of the shock and realize that the gentle mumbling must have been aimed at him, since the man was nervously staring at him like he was waiting for a reply.

“Huh? Sorry, I didn’t catch what you said,” he explained apologetically, leaning closer to the stranger to be heard clearly over the music. “Can you repeat that, please?”

Awkward Guy panicked immediately, either because of the words or the sudden closeness or both, and Seonghwa had to admit that he didn’t find the flustered look as off-putting as he would have in any other situation.

“I said..." replied the stranger before taking a visible loud deep breath. “How, ah, how much?”

What?

Seonghwa could only frown and blink slowly in confusion as his tipsy brain tried to make sense of the random question, silently staring at the stranger as he fidgeted anxiously under his gaze.

“How much for an hour?” asked Awkward Guy in a rush.

“An hour?” parroted Seonghwa, feeling even more puzzled by the supposed clarification.

“Oh, you’re right, that’s probably not enough time…” the stranger muttered before touching his glasses nervously. “Ho-how much for the whole night?”

Seonghwa blinked silently a few more times before he finally processed what the man had said after that last question finally made the rest of the conversation click and fall into place.

Awkward Guy was asking how much it cost to spend the night with him.

Because he thought Seonghwa was a fucking prostitute.

For reasons he’d probably have to look into later on, pure outrage was the very first emotion that pushed through the confusion to make him feel deeply offended by the idea that this random man would just assume that Seonghwa was a sex worker based on what, exactly? His looks? His demeanor?

The fiery words that had been rushing to his mouth quickly got stuck in his throat when all that baseless anger was quickly replaced by pure amusement when Seonghwa was hit with a sudden realization, and he couldn’t help but laugh out loud at the absurdity of the situation.

Now that his initial knee-jerk reaction was out of the way, it seemed obvious that Awkward Guy must have heard his stupid exchange with Yunho and had somehow taken their inside joke seriously.

You silly puppy, why would a supposedly ‘premium hooker’ even be in a place like this in the first place?

The stranger’s shiny brown eyes widened even more at Seonghwa’s loud laughter, which also made him exhale loudly while nervously fidgeting with his glasses once again.

“I’m sorry, I…” started to say Awkward Guy, just to stop himself before he could continue.

He knew it was probably the alcohol talking, but Seonghwa had to admit that he was finding this silly misunderstanding to be completely hilarious now that he had gotten over the initial shock. 

Plus, he kind of liked seeing how much power he apparently had over Awkward Guy over here even though they had barely exchanged a few words, so he decided to play along just for a bit to see how long it’d take him to make this rich city man sweat under that fancy coat.

“Oh, honey. I don’t think you’d be able to take a whole night with me,” said Seonghwa when he finally managed to stop laughing, making his eyes look extra sultry as he continued to stare at him.

“I, ah, I’m pretty sure I can. I know this sounds super douchey, but money is really not an issue here,” explained Awkward Guy, looking like it hurt him to say that out loud. “I completely understand if I don’t fit …the requirements, though. Just say the word and I’ll leave you alone.”

So you definitely overheard my conversation with Yunho.

There was no doubt in his mind that Awkward Guy could probably afford whatever price he threw his way: he wasn’t an expert when it came to expensive brands, but even Seonghwa could tell that the watch on the stranger’s wrist probably cost more than his beaten secondhand car.

Money didn’t have anything to do with the implication that this man wouldn’t be able to take a whole night with him anyway, it had been all about the fact that Awkward Guy looked like he was ready to combust just from speaking to him while fully clothed in a decently crowded bar.

“I’m sure wha-whatever your rate is, it’s more than fair and deserved! I could tell that you were gorgeous from the other side of the room, but after seeing you up close I can definitely confirm that you’re easily the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.”  

As presumptuous as it sounded, Seonghwa had heard every single type of compliment and praise coming from men who wanted to flatter their way into his pants by now – and yet, somehow, the sheer genuineness and amazement in Awkward Guy’s shy voice still made something warm and confusing flutter inside his chest.

But, before Seonghwa could have the time to properly dissect why his body had reacted that way to a sentiment he’d heard countless times before, his companion’s eyes widened as the subtle blush he’d had been sporting on his face this whole time deepened.

“Oh my God. That was a weird thing to say, wasn’t it? Sorry, I shouldn’t have told a complete stranger something like that. I-I’m a bit drunk and, like, really nervous right now. I’ve never done anything like this before, I don’t even know what I’m saying.” 

Seonghwa couldn’t help but laugh again at the nervous rant, which prompted Awkward Guy to get even more flustered as he took a big sip of his drink while looking like he desperately wanted the ground to swallow him up just to get away from a conversation he himself had started.

I guess you’re kind of cute. For a guy who believes I’m a hooker.

It was painfully obvious that Awkward Guy wasn’t another overcompensating rich asshole from Seoul who came to a place like this thinking he was above the lowly southerners, but instead someone who was a clear timid closet case with very little confidence in himself and even less real queer experience.

A timid closet clase who apparently had enough tipsy bravery to come up to someone he believed was a prostitute to call him beautiful and ask how much it cost to spend the night with him, but who was also so embarrassed and nervous while doing it that he couldn’t even look at said prostitute in the eye.

Feeling playful and curious enough to entertain this conversation, Seonghwa quickly racked his brain in search of a figure that would be exorbitant enough to shock a man like this one.

It was probably a dick move, but he wanted to see one last flustered reaction before putting Awkward Guy out of his misery and admitting that he wasn’t an actual hooker and he had just been joking around with Yunho.

The only sex worker he knew was Wooyoung, and being a camboy was definitely very different from being a prostitute, so Seonghwa had no idea how much an actual escort would charge for a night – let alone one who was supposed to be ‘expensive’, but was still hanging around in a mid-tier gay bar in Beomil-dong for some odd unknown reason.

“2,000,000 for the night,” he said boldly before casually bringing his drink to his mouth to hide the smirk he could feel coming up, trying to maintain the same aura of effortless confidence and not break character before the stranger had time to react at the outrageous price.

“Oh, okay. Yeah, I-I can do that!” replied Awkward Guy immediately, barely-contained eagerness now shining through his twitchy nervousness. “It is indeed a fair sum for someone like you.”

Seonghwa’s entire body froze the moment his brain registered the words, glass hovering in front of his lips as he stared at his companion in shock.

It was obvious that money wasn’t an actual issue for Awkward Guy, but the idea that this man would think paying two million won to sleep with him was a fair deal was simply ludicrous.

Deep down Seonghwa knew he should probably feel kind of offended by the real undertone of this conversation, but he was too shocked and weirdly flattered by the whole situation to even care about the fact that this man really thought he was an escort.

Because Awkward Guy wasn’t looking at Seonghwa like they were complete strangers discussing a potential business transaction where orgasms would be exchanged for money, he wasn’t looking at him like he was just supposed to be a vessel for potential sexual gratification.

He was looking at him like he truly meant it when he said Seonghwa was the most beautiful person he’d ever seen. 

Awkward Guy was looking at him like he was some kind of deity, something ethereal and alluring that should be admired and worshiped – instead of the pathetic and incredibly broke college dropout he truly was, someone who carried ramyeon and drinks around for a living and who hadn’t even been able to keep his boyfriend of three years from repeatedly cheating on him.

This man might just want sex from him, just like everyone else, but at least he was looking at him like he actually believed Seonghwa was worthy of praise and attention.

Awkward Guy was looking at him like he actually felt like spending the night with him would be a privilege, even if he thought he’d have to pay an outrageous amount of money in order to make it happen.

And, as sad and embarrassing as it should be, the truth was that the intensity he could see shining behind those glasses made Seonghwa feel more attractive and desirable than he had in a really long time.

So long, in fact, that he can’t even remember the last time someone had looked at him with that much passion in his eyes – or even if someone had ever done it before.

It was exactly what he had been desperately looking for tonight, even if he had gone out knowing that he would most likely end up going back home to cry himself to sleep after having a rushed quickie in a dark half-hidden corner.

He downed the rest of his drink and properly scanned Awkward Guy up and down, looking at him with new eyes now and seeing him as a potential hook-up instead of a cute flustered puppy to play with.

While it was still true that this man wasn't his usual type (both looks and personality wise), Seonghwa could still feel the ghost of arousal spark to life inside him at the idea of having sex with him: Awkward Guy might be awkward, but he was also fairly attractive, very nicely groomed, and overall seemed to be pretty harmless and sober enough.

Plus, there was no reason to pretend he hadn’t realistically been the only person who had even remotely caught Seonghwa’s attention for more than a few seconds all night.

He had never expected to be leaving this bar with a shy city boy who had mistaken him for a hooker, but that was exactly what he decided he was going to do in a sudden and impulsive rush of determination.

“Deal,” said Seonghwa before putting the empty glass down, grabbing his purse and getting up to stand next to the other man. “Let’s get out of here.”

“Holy shit,” replied Awkward Guy breathlessly. “Really?”

Seonghwa chuckled at the disbelief in his tone and silently turned to look for Yunho, walking over to where his friend was cautiously keeping an eye on them from a safe distance before leaning over the bar to get closer to him.

“I’m leaving,” he whispered.

His roommate lifted an eyebrow and looked behind him to briefly give Awkward Guy a once-over before grinning.

“I don’t know what’s more surprising: the fact that he actually had the courage to shoot his shot, or the fact that you really chose him over the shirtless dude over there.”

“Shut up,” replied Seonghwa. “Don’t wait for me. I’ll be next door.”

“Damn, you’re even getting an actual room from the get-go,” said Yunho before laughing. “Don’t forget to check in every now and then, okay? I’ll be here for a few more hours if you need me.”

He nodded and moved back, taking a subtle deep breath to recenter himself before going back to Awkward Guy.

Seonghwa was definitely no stranger to one-night stands, but it had been a while since the last time he had slept with someone who wasn’t Junhyung and he could feel that familiar nervous excitement that came from the idea of having sex with someone whose name he didn't even know.

“Shall we?” he asked with a smirk, putting the confident mask back on once again to cover the fact that light anxiety had begun to swirl inside his chest as they headed out.

Now he just had to figure out how to come clean about his stupid little prank while they were still out in public, safely surrounded by people and where both of them had plenty of space to do a hasty retreat if needed.

He had expected Awkward Guy to figure the truth out by himself one way or another, especially after the stupidly high price he had thrown his way, so Seonghwa didn’t know how to get out of the accidental uncomfortable position he’d put himself in.

He could now feel the charged tension that promised good sexual chemistry getting thicker in the air between them as they walked side by side, and he could only hope that Awkward Guy wanted Seonghwa badly enough to get over the obvious deep embarrassment a man this shy and anxious was going to feel after his confession.

How do you even say ‘I was teasing you earlier because you’re very cute and I couldn’t help myself, but the good news is that I’ll actually sleep with you for free’ in a gentle way?

“I have to grab my coat,” explained Seonghwa while coming to a stop in front of the cloakroom.

“I, huh, I need to do something first too. Meet me outside?” replied Awkward Guy, stiffly standing next to him for a few extra seconds before basically running away the moment he nodded in response.

Seonghwa used the time he spent waiting in line at the cloakroom crafting what he hoped was a half-decent speech that successfully conveyed his apologetic message, before wrapping his black coat around him and stepping outside into the cold winter air.

Awkward Guy was waiting for him near the entrance looking even more nervous than he'd been when he first talked to him, which in turn made Seonghwa smile as harmlessly as he could while he approached him like he was walking towards a skittish wild animal that would run away if he made a sudden movement.

He didn’t know how long they stood there in uncomfortable silence, but the cold had started to seep into his skin by the time Seonghwa inhaled deeply and softened his smile even more before laughing gently.

“So, there’s something I need to—” 

“Wait!” said Awkward Guy suddenly, interrupting Seonghwa’s speech with shy determination. “Sorry for cutting you off. It's just that, mhm, there’s something important I have to confess before we discuss the details. I feel like it could be a deal-breaker and I don’t want you to waste your time, so I think it’s better to get it out of the way first.”

Well, that makes two of us.

“Ah, shit, this is really embarrassing,” added Awkward Guy before grimacing and making a vague gesture with his hand. “The thing is that …I’ve never done this before. Not just, like, paying for sex. I mean that I’ve never done any of it before, I-I’m a virgin.”

Oh.

The confession didn’t fully shock Seonghwa, considering the guy’s general anxious and shy demeanor when it came to interacting with him, but somehow it still stunted him enough to make all the words he had been carefully arranging in his head disappear the moment he registered what Awkward Guy had said.

“Oh,” he replied out loud, uselessly.

His companion looked down at the pavement and laughed, a humorless and self-deprecating sound that made Seonghwa’s stomach turn in an unpleasant way.

“I know. Pathetic, isn’t it? What kind of person is still a virgin at the old age of 25?” asked Awkward Guy with his shiny eyes still fixed on the ground. “I’m sure you’re used to dealing with a very diverse group of people when it comes to this kind of stuff, but, well, I just feel like it’s something you needed to know beforehand.”

Seonghwa blinked a few times as he forced himself to shake the surprise off, watching the other man grow even smaller at his lack of response while still avoiding looking his way.

“Hey, it's okay. I understand why you’d feel that way about it, I really do, but trust me when I say there’s absolutely nothing pathetic about not having any sexual experience regardless of age,” he managed to reply before chuckling in what he hoped was a lighthearted manner. “Although, as a fellow 25-year-old, I do take great offense at the fact that you called us ‘old’.”

Awkward Guy finally looked up at him and laughed again after a moment of surprised and charged silence, but the sound was a lot more joyful and brighter this time around.

He could feel himself growing warmer under his coat the moment they finally made eye contact, heart beating faster in his chest as a playful glint took over the man’s anxious eyes and his nervous grin gained a slightly sharper edge.

It was almost like Seonghwa was catching a glimpse of the person Awkward Guy had the potential to be if he added just a tiny bit of real confidence to the already killer combo of money and good looks, and he was completely blindsided by the sudden urge to keep digging deeper in order to learn more about that mysterious man.

“You’re right, my bad,” said Awkward Guy with a chuckle. “Not old at all, we’re still young and fresh.”

Seonghwa snorted at the teasing tone before they both fell silent again the moment a drunk couple walked past them on the sidewalk without even looking their way.

“Are you sure you really want to do this, though? The first time is important, you’re going to remember it forever,” said Seonghwa, as gently as he could. “There’s truly nothing wrong with being a virgin, you really shouldn’t rush into it just because you feel like you’re too old. It’s definitely not a deal-breaker for me, but you might want to reconsider it for yourself.”

His companion sighed, all traces of the playfulness he’d shown seconds ago vanishing immediately while he fidgeted with his glasses. 

“That’s not an issue for me. It’s not that I was waiting to lose it with someone special or anything like that, I just…” explained Awkward Guy before laughing tensely. “Accepting my own desires, accepting myself, has been a difficult journey and it took me some time to get to this point. I-it’s a long story, I won’t bore you with the details, but I really want to do this if you’re still up for it. And I won’t deny there’s something oddly comforting about knowing that I’m in the hands of a professional and this is just a business transaction.”

Right.

Somehow, Seonghwa had almost forgotten about that crucial detail during their impromptu heart-to-heart conversation.

“So, how does this work? What do you need from me?” added Awkward Guy as he shifted around nervously. “Do you run background checks or something? And, huh, I’m pretty sure I have to pay upfront and in cash, right? I stopped by the ATM while you were still inside so that’s sorted out.” 

“Listen, I…” started to say Seonghwa, just to feel the words get stuck somewhere in his chest as he stared into the other man’s intense dark eyes.

Things had escalated a lot faster than he could have ever predicted and he knew he needed to come clean about the stupid joke before things got even more out of control, but he found himself completely unable to do so after this stranger had just bravely opened up about what he clearly considered an incredibly embarrassing and personal secret.

Seonghwa tended to lean heavily towards men who knew what they were doing in the bedroom, especially when it came to one-night stands – but, for some reason, he felt the overwhelming urge to take Awkward Guy’s virginity and make sure that his first time was much more enjoyable than his own had been.

There were many assholes out there who would definitely take advantage of this closeted puppy who went around openly announcing that he was willing to throw exorbitant amounts of money to alleged prostitutes.

Awkward Guy was actually really lucky he’d had ended up in this situation with him and not with someone who could have way more nefarious intentions behind the little prank.

Seonghwa had slept with people for a lot less altruistic reasons, and he couldn’t even pretend that he wasn’t genuinely attracted to this man and actually wanted to have sex with him regardless of his level of experience.

He obviously couldn’t compare to an actual professional, but he knew he was skilled and experienced enough to at least turn this into a pleasant memory for Awkward Guy.

He had always gotten off on servicing his partners, on following their directions and bringing their fantasies to life while being praised for doing a good job, and in a way this sort of felt like it was an upgraded version of that.

If Awkward Guy felt more comfortable with the idea of being with a prostitute, then Seonghwa could do some one-sided roleplay and become one for him.

This is the one area where I excel at, isn’t it? Might as well use my expertise for good.

He wasn’t going to actually take the money, so all he had to do was stall the issue of the payment and give this man a night he would never forget before leaving a note behind and quietly slip out of the love hotel once Awkward Guy had fallen asleep – just like he had done with other one-night stands many times before.

Maybe it was just the tipsy confidence of the martinis he’d drunk kicking in, but Seonghwa felt like it was a solid plan that could save everyone the embarrassment of facing the outcome of this stupid misunderstanding.

A true win-win.

Awkward Guy would go back to Seoul deflowered and embarrassed but with a full wallet, and Seonghwa would go back to his shitty life knowing that he’d done something nice for someone else for a change.

In a way, he could see what this man had meant when he said that there was something oddly comforting about the transactional nature of this exchange: he also felt like there was something strangely freeing about looking at this as a business deal and not an clumsy one-night stand with a complete stranger, even if there actually wasn’t any real money involved.

No unnecessary expectations, no need to dance around the shallow aspect of their interaction, no awkward personal conversations.

All Seonghwa had to do was leave his real self behind and step into someone else’s skin for one night, which is oddly enough what he had wanted to do in the first place anyway – even if he had never expected that said ‘someone’ would be a sex worker.

“Let’s just book our room and have the rest of this conversation inside, okay?” replied Seonghwa finally while pointing to the love hotel that stood next to the bar, hoping that it’d come across as secure and natural as he had intended. “You don’t need to worry about anything, I’ll take good care of you.”

And then Future Seonghwa will take care of everything else.

–

As expected, the lobby had been completely empty when they walked inside the hotel, and Awkward Guy had been quick to head towards the automated machine to book and pay for the room once he realized there was no actual staff there.

It was obvious that he had never stayed at a love hotel before by the way he was randomly tapping on the screen, but it didn’t take him long to learn his way around the machine well enough to get their check-in code.

Seonghwa sent a quick text to Yunho with the room number as they walked down the silent hallway, and he was almost surprised by the weird nervousness he was feeling even though he had done this exact same thing many times before.

In an odd way, it almost felt like he was the one who was going to lose his virginity tonight.

He walked inside the room after Awkward Guy opened the door for him, looking around to find that his companion for the night had unsurprisingly chosen the most expensive option available.

“So, mhm…” 

He turned around to find Awkward Guy standing by the now closed door, looking like he was seconds away from running away all over again.

“Why don’t we chat for a bit,” said Seonghwa, casually taking his coat off and putting it over the chair before sitting on the bed and patting the empty space next to him.

Awkward Guy inhaled deeply before walking over and settling down next to him, close enough for him to notice that the man’s hands were shaking as he grabbed a thick stack of ₩50,000 bills from his pocket before pointing it in his direction.

“Here. I-I think it’s the right amount, but of course feel free to count before we sta—”

“I prefer to focus on doing a good job first and then deal with the rest of the technicalities later,” said Seonghwa before grabbing the money from his hand and putting it on the bedside table without even looking at it, eyes still fixed on his companion. “Right now, we’re just two people trying to get to know each other and have a good time together. Everything else will come after.”

Seonghwa didn’t know much about this type of sex work, but he knew enough to be aware that this definitely was not what you were supposed to do while dealing with the payment, so he could only hope that Awkward Guy would just take it and run with it the same way he’d done with pretty much everything else so far.

A frown started to slowly appear on the man’s forehead as he stared at Seonghwa with a clearly confused look on his face, but, as expected, he simply nodded in response to his explanation.

“Oh, okay…” said Awkward Guy finally, hesitation still obvious in his voice before he laughed nervously again. “I have no idea how any of this works, so just tell me what I’m supposed to do and I’ll do my best to follow your instructions.”

“This is all about you and what you want from this experience,” replied Seonghwa with a smirk, arousal growing at the idea of properly meeting the playful side of Awkward Guy he had seen hiding under the surface earlier. “I'm here to do whatever you want me to do. Within reason.”

He was starting to feel the effects of the second martini he had downed before leaving the bar, warmth spreading inside him in a pleasant way that was making the words come out of his mouth easily and the muscles of his body to get looser.

Even though Awkward Guy clearly didn't seem to be on the same page, since he was still looking just as tense as he had before when he laughed nervously for a second time.

“I guess you’re right, but I still want to avoid messing up by accident. And, well, ideally I’d like to make the experience as pleasant as possible for you too.”

“Trust me, I’ll make sure we both have a good time,” he replied in full honesty, feeling more and more comfortable inside the skin of the persona he was pretending to be as time passed. “Why don’t we start by introducing ourselves? You can call me Hwa.”

“That's a really pretty name, it suits you. I’m, huh…” began Awkward Guy before stopping and biting his lip while he considered his options. “I'm Joong.”

“Joong,” he said as seductively as he could without sounding like an idiot. “Tell me: what do you feel like doing tonight?”

It was the most basic question you could ask in a situation like this one, and yet it was clearly enough to destroy the little courage the other man had mustered as anxiety immediately came back to cloud his face.

“I…I don’t know.”

“What did you envision when you came up to me in the bar and asked to spend the whole night with me?” asked Seonghwa, trying to gently coax an answer out of him. “What is something you’ve always wanted to do? That thing that never fails to get you off when you’re touching yourself. I promise I won’t judge.”

Joong swallowed visibly before quickly averting his gaze shyly, but not fast enough to hide the dark arousal that flickered in his eyes as the words triggered a specific image in his mind.

Gotcha.

He held back the need to smirk knowingly and instead scooted closer to Joong, slowly laying a hand on the man's knee in what he hoped was a comforting gesture.

“I told you: today is all about you. You can tell me whatever it is that you want to do and I’ll probably be happy to comply. Trust me, it takes something really outrageous to actually shock me, so I’m sure I’ll be fine with whatever you’re thinking about,” added Seonghwa lightheartedly before grabbing his companion’s lapels to take his coat off. “Why don’t we start by taking a warm shower and then take it from there? We have all night, there’s no need to rush into anything.”

He could feel his own heart beating faster once more when Joong lifted his gaze to look into his eyes again, intensity shining through as the nervousness moved aside to give space to that almost awed reverence he’d seen staring back at him at the bar.

“Let me help you,” said Seonghwa while standing up and gently pulling on his arm to make him do the same before resting his fingers on the first button of the man's incredibly soft shirt. “Is this okay? Can I undress you?”

“Yes,” replied Joong breathlessly.

“So, these are my ground rules,” added Seonghwa as he worked on slowly unbuttoning the shirt with gentle fingers. “Condoms are completely non-negotiable and I won’t even entertain any discussion about it, not even during oral sex. I’m here to please you so you can ask for whatever you want to do, but I can always just say ‘no’ without any further explanation. On that same line, I expect you to stop me if you realize that you’re not enjoying something, even if you were the one who brought it up in the first place. Some things work well in our heads, but not so much when we put them into practice.”

He stopped his speech to hum in appreciation while staring at the surprisingly defined torso he had just uncovered before carelessly throwing the shirt to the nearest chair, fully aware that his natural impulse of stopping to fold it and neatly putting it away wouldn't actually be a sexy look.

“You have a really nice body,” blurted Seonghwa out, feeling the sudden urge to try to soothe his nervousness and openly show his appreciation.

“Th-thank you.”

He smiled and extended his hand until it was hovering over Joong’s shoulder, eyes never leaving the other man’s flushed face while doing so. 

“Can I touch you?” asked Seonghwa, resting his hand on the man’s skin the moment he got an enthusiastic nod in response before slowly starting to make his way down his bicep. “What do you think about the rules so far?”

“They are very reasonable,” replied Joong, eyelids fluttering close at the gentle touch. “I fully agree with everything.”

Seonghwa’s smile grew as he continued to softly caress the goosebumps that were starting to appear on the man’s skin, hand moving back up his arm again before sliding down his collarbone and resting on the nicely defined pec for a second.

Joong’s chest was trembling under his palm, breath coming out short and shallow as his fast heartbeat tried to accommodate the mix of arousal and anxiety that was probably rushing through him right now.

The sight of him looking this wrecked just from some light and innocent touches shouldn’t be as sexy as it was, but Seonghwa had to inhale deeply to crush his own growing arousal – and also to stop himself from going straight to grab his dick while aggressively pressing his face against Joong’s perfectly sized chest.

Control yourself and focus.

“You can be a bit rough in the spur of the moment, I actually like that, but I won’t hesitate to smack you and leave both you and your hard dick behind if you don’t slow down when I ask you to,” explained Seonghwa, completely serious. “I’m pretty versatile and agreeable, but I won’t do anything that would fall anywhere beyond the basic label of vanilla sex. And I certainly won’t do anything that could cause unnecessary pain, humiliation or harm to any of us.”

Joong gasped when Seonghwa’s hand finally reached his belt, and he let it rest there as he looked up to stare into his glassy wide eyes.

“Understood?”

“Oh! No, no. I mean, yes. I understand, but I…I wouldn’t want to do any of that. I don’t think it’s something I’d enjoy,” replied Joong in a rush before chuckling. “And this is embarrassing enough as it is, I don’t need to add even more humiliation to it.” 

Seonghwa giggled. “There’s no need to be embarrassed. It’s just you and me here.”

“Yeah, exactly. It’s you and it’s just me.”

He laughed softly again, finger playing with the button that sat over the growing bulge that had formed in Joong’s pants.

“Can I take this off too?” he asked as softly as he could.

Joong closed his eyes and swallowed visibly before nodding, and Seonghwa unbuttoned his pants and leaned over to pull both them and his underwear down in a single quick motion to get it done as fast and painlessly as possible.

“Oh.”

Fuck.

Seonghwa had to actively remind himself that he was trying to take his time to make Joong feel comfortable and he couldn’t just fall to his knees right there and then, but it was hard to hold back when he had what was probably the nicest dick he’d ever seen basically in front of his face.

It wasn’t even fully hard yet, but he could already tell that it was very decently sized: falling just on the right side of big, that perfect girth that promised a nice burn without being too troublesome or intimidating.

And it wasn’t just the length, there was simply something oddly beautiful about the shape of his cock and the way it was jutting out of the cleanly trimmed pubes to curve upwards as it grew larger under his stare.

Even his balls looked kind of pretty and nicely proportioned, somehow.

I can’t believe I’m writing bad poetry about the dick of a complete stranger in my head. I must be a lot more sexually frustrated than I thought.

“I really like what I’m seeing,” he blurted out when he realized that he had just been silently staring at it for way too long, before as he slowly got up to be on eye-level again with a smirk on his face. “You’re very hot.”

This man might believe he was getting paid to be here, but Seonghwa was determined to do his best to show him that he was still very much attracted to him as often as possible.

Joong gasped. “Thank you.”

Seonghwa chuckled and got closer to continue his mission, trying to be as careful and intentional as he had been while undressing him when he took the man’s silver necklace and watch away, smiling softly at the shiver that visibly traveled down Joong’s spine when his fingers brushed the back of his neck. 

“How bad do you actually need your glasses? Can you see anything at all without them?” asked Seonghwa as he moved to stand in front of him once again after putting his accessories away.

“Oh,” said Joong before taking them off immediately himself. “No, it’s fine. I’m slightly nearsighted, so I can see things without any issues if they’re close to me.”

Seonghwa let his smirk grow even more as he took another step forward to stand right in front of him, so close that he could feel his warm breath on his face.

“I’ll have to make sure to always be extra close to you so you can see me clearly then,” he replied before pouting and looking down at his own outfit. “Do you want to help me with my clothes or should I do it myself?” 

He couldn’t help but laugh when Joong immediately rushed to put his glasses down on the first surface he could find, before going back to stand in front of Seonghwa with an eager expression.

Cute.

“Can I…”

“Yeah, you can take everything off,” he replied without losing his smirk. “And you can also touch me.”

Joong took another deep breath before starting to work on his corset with shaky fingers, and Seonghwa used the temporary distraction to study his face without being stared back in return.

He had thought ‘Awkward Guy’ was objectively attractive from the moment he saw him standing in that dark corner at the bar, but he had severely underestimated just how handsome he truly was – especially as the shadow of nervousness faded away while he worked on his corset with a concentrated look on his face. 

Right now, as he stood all focused and naked right in front of him, Seonghwa really had trouble remembering why he’d even thought this man wasn’t his type to begin with.

He could already tell that Joong was going to become an unstoppable force once he lost that anxious insecurity, and he was kind of sad that he’d never get to witness the final result of the domino effect he was hoping to set in motion inside this room.

Seonghwa would never see him again after tonight, but he really wished that this man would be able to look back to this day and fondly remember the (fake) hooker he’d lost his virginity to.

He got pulled out of his thoughts by the soft celebratory sound Joong released when he finally managed to undo the corset, and they both giggled as they worked together to awkwardly pull it off before doing the same with his blouse.

The other man sighed while he stared at Seonghwa’s naked stomach, almost like he was in a trance, before his hand reached out slowly until his fingertips were so close to his skin that he could almost feel them.

“I thought your waist looked that tiny because of the corset, but it really is this small…” whispered Joong. “God, you’re so insanely beautiful. I know you’re probably tired of hearing it, but I really can’t get over it. You’re so perfect. ”

Seonghwa moved forward just enough to close the small gap and let the man’s fingers make contact with his abdomen, which triggered a wave of warmth that spread over his skin at the gentle touch.

“I never get tired of hearing it,” he replied with a chuckle, even though that statement wasn’t completely true. “You can call me beautiful as many times as you want. I love getting praised, keep it coming.”

Joong snorted and finally looked up to his face, eyes shining playfully.

“Then I’ll have to make sure to release all the awed compliments I’ve been trying to suppress all night to avoid sounding like a creep.”

Seonghwa giggled again and undid his own pants without breaking eye contact, feeling like he needed to speed up the process before one of them would end up choking on the tension that he could feel crackling between them.

All the previous playfulness vanished completely as Joong’s gaze followed him down as he took the rest of his clothes off, eyes lingering on his half-hard dick when Seonghwa stood back up to let him look uninterrupted for a bit before extending his hand to run it down the other man’s chest.

Joong looked deep into his eyes once more as his trembling hands moved to rest on his waist so softly that he barely even felt the touch, and yet it was more than enough to break the last thread that was holding Seonghwa’s weak self-restraint together.

“Can, huh, can I kiss you? I can pay extra i—”

He interrupted whatever Joong was going to say next by pressing his own lips against his, probably with a lot more force than he should have used considering how much effort he’d put into keeping things gentle and slow, but Seonghwa truly couldn’t hold himself back any longer.

Joong froze at the sudden movement, mouth as frozen as the rest of his body for what seemed like a painfully long time, before he finally managed to shake off the surprise in order to shyly return the kiss.

Seonghwa took it as a sign that things were officially in motion now and he could move to the next step, so he used the opportunity to wrap his arms around his neck to bring him even closer and deepen the kiss. 

The action made Joong’s erection dig into his thigh, and Seonghwa couldn’t help but moan against his lips as one of his hands traveled all the way from the back of his neck to his surprisingly round ass to grab a nice handful and press their hips together in the process.

“Fuck.”

He smiled at the breathless curse, enjoying the sounds Joong was making as he started to feel a lot less tense and shaky against Seonghwa while he hungrily seeked his mouth while mindlessly rubbing his dick on his thigh. 

They shared a few more half-innocent kisses before he let his tongue run over Joong's lips, diving in as soon as he was granted permission to do so to look for what laid beneath the sticky sweetness of the cocktail he had drunk at the bar.

This man might be a self-proclaimed virgin, but he clearly had enough experience to know what he was doing when it came to making out, because it didn’t take long for all hints of awkwardness and hesitation to disappear completely to leave room for the tingly warmth that was quickly spreading all over Seonghwa’s body.

He had always loved kissing, but he couldn’t even remember the last time he had just made out with someone to simply enjoy the act in itself and not just as an added extra to sex.

He couldn’t remember the last time he had gotten goosebumps all over his skin just from feeling someone else’s lips wetly slipping away from his own before desperately coming back for more.

I guess I must be a lot more touch-starved than I thought, too.

Seonghwa started to feel lightheaded as they both struggled to breathe between the kisses, standing naked in the middle of the room with shy hands growing bolder enough to roam and grab whatever patch of flesh they could find while still staying away from the most intimate places.

And yet, he didn’t feel the familiar impatience that pushed him to just get an orgasm and fuck off out of this place as soon as possible without looking back.

Joong was kissing him like he wanted to devour him, holding him so close and so tightly against his own body that Seonghwa could almost feel the finger-shaped bruises forming on his skin as the man continued to sloppily rut against his thigh – and that unashamed show of desperation and lust was only fueling the flames that were lighting a fire inside him.

Making out with Joong didn’t feel as impersonal and awkward as it should have, considering they didn’t even know each other’s full names and Seonghwa was supposed to be a sex worker, but his brain felt too fuzzy and slow to even care about why he was almost feeling like a teenager again just from kissing a guy he’d barely known for an hour.

“Fuck,” repeated Joong under his breath once more before taking a step back to put some distance between them. “I…I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do any of that. I just didn’t expect that to feel so good.”

“Don’t apologize, I was definitely enjoying myself there too,” he whispered honestly against Joong’s lips. “I’m here to make you feel good. I promise I will tell you if you cross a line, so just let go and do whatever feels right.”

He knew he probably shouldn’t give a complete stranger that much power over him, but he couldn’t even bring himself to care about it as he gave Joong one last impulsive peck before grabbing his hand and guiding him towards the bathroom. 

“Come on, let’s take that shower.”

Seonghwa had just meant to do a quick wash of all the important body parts before getting down to business, but that had turned out to be much harder than expected when he kept getting interrupted by a greedy mouth and even greedier hands while he was trying to soap them both up. 

He should have been way more annoyed by the rogue splashes of water that were getting his hair wet enough to stick to his face, and yet he couldn’t help the giggles that escaped him every time Joong pushed him against the cold wall so they could slopilly make out with both of their dicks and Seonghwa’s soapy hands trapped between their bodies.

Who knew all he needed to do to help Awkward Guy get rid of all that anxious nervousness, and to coax the side of him that didn’t have any problem manhandling him against a wall, was to redirect all that blood and attention to the man’s erection and away from his brain.

Luckily for them, while Seonghwa sucked at most things in life, he was quite skilled at making men get hard.

Drying both of them turned out to be as tricky as the washing had been, so he ended up giving up soon enough and carelessly throwing the towel to the floor with a giggle before gently pushing a still-damp Joong backwards until he fell on the bed.

“Someone’s eager,” said Seonghwa teasingly while leaning over him. “Are you finally ready to tell me what you really want to do next?”

His lips went straight to the right pec that has been luring him in since the moment he took the man’s shirt off, pressing open-mouth kisses all over it before gently biting down on the nipple.

“I, ah, fuck,” replied Joong as he continued to abuse the nub before moving to the other one, hand coming up to play with the now abandoned pec. “I don’t know…”

“Okay,” said Seonghwa, gaze moving from the wet nipple to the man’s face to maintain eye contact. “I’ll choose for you then.”

He didn’t even give him a warning before straddling Joong’s thighs and leaning over to press his mouth on the man’s neck, moaning when his pleasant clean scent filled his nose while he kissed and bit the area without even caring if he was leaving marks or not.

The man was trembling by the time he had made his way down to his waist after spending some more quality time with his neck and nipples, and the wet tip of his erection was leaving a sticky trail on Seonghwa’s chest as he pressed down against it while he made his way down.

He moved back to sit on Joong’s thighs once again when he felt the other's hips seeking more friction against his chest and he looked down to admire the view, hand slowly caressing the same path he’d followed with his mouth to try to smooth the goosebumps he’d left behind.

Seonghwa bit his lip when he started grinding his own dick against Joong’s soft thigh, a soft whine escaping his lips as he took in how wrecked the other man looked under him: messy dark hair spread over the pillow, lips bruised and shiny, blooming marks scattered over his pale skin, chest heaving rapidly as he panted, and red dick leaking clear liquid on his own stomach.

And those eyes. 

Nobody had ever looked at him with that much hungry fascination, and the intensity he found in them was making Seonghwa feel like he was truly going to burst into flames if he stared at it for long enough.

“You’re so close already from some kisses and light petting,” he whispered when his hand reached the drooling hard dick resting on the man’s abs to brush his fingers on the engorged head. “So desperate.”

“Ah!” exclaimed Joong, hips moving forward at the light touch. “I-I’m sorry.”

“Shh, don’t be. I love seeing how turned on you are,” said Seonghwa while he continued to rub his dick until the man started to tremble under his touch once again. “I take it as a compliment.”

“I didn’t think it could feel this …overwhelming.”

“Oh, honey. We’re just getting started,” he replied with a smirk.

Seonghwa could feel his grin growing when Joong’s hips snapped forward with a loud moan the moment he properly wrapped his hand around his cock.

“You have a really nice dick,” he said while maintaining eye contact with him, jerking it a few times just to let it go the moment the other man laid his fingers over his to try to tighten the grip. 

“No…” whined Joong when he removed his hand and moved away so he wasn’t sitting on his thighs anymore.

He giggled at the devastated look on the man’s face as his eyes followed Seonghwa closely while he got up and walked towards his purse as elegantly as he could with an erection bopping with every step, quickly digging and grabbing the small tube of strawberry lube and condoms he kept there.

He hadn’t known what had driven him to grab more than one packet before leaving his apartment that night, but Seonghwa was incredibly grateful to his past self for foreseeing that something like this could happen because he could already tell they were going to need them – if the thick chemistry between them was any indication of what was coming.

Joong inhaled deeply when he came back to the bed and put everything on the mattress next to them before Seonghwa gently grabbed the man’s thighs and opened them up to kneel in the space he had created between them, dark eyes fixed on him as he grabbed the man’s erection and leaned over once again with a clear intention in his eyes.

“Oh my God,” whispered Joong, clearly understanding what the position was foreshadowing.

“Is this what you wanted?” asked Seonghwa while reaching for the lube without breaking eye contact and dropping a healthy amount on the dick he was holding. “Do you want me to suck you off?”

“Oh my fucking God,” said Joong with the same breathless tone. “This is embarrassing, but I…I’m not going to last long.”

“That’s totally fine,” he replied while jerking him off a few times with the excuse of spreading the lube. “I’ll just get you hard again after.”

“Ah! Shit, Hwa.”

He giggled as he opened the ultra-thin condom and rolled it over the wet erection before lathering the outside with more lube and getting more comfortable between Joong’s legs, leaning over and wrapping his lips around the slippery tip right away.

Seonghwa was fully aware that men usually hated that this was non-negotiable for him even if most people didn’t really bothered to use protection during oral sex, but he felt very strongly against the idea of giving blowjobs to strangers without a condom – even if he had personally made sure of cleaning everything properly beforehand.

He wasn’t going to put his own health at risk over something as meaningless and trivial as casual sex, his cheating bastard of an ex-boyfriend had already done plenty of that without his knowledge.

Joong didn’t seem to mind the extra barrier, though, since he simply whined and tightened his grip on the sheets as Seonghwa slowly took his dick into his mouth inch by inch.

Giving head with a condom was an acquired taste in more ways than one and it required a whole new set of skills (and a lot less messy enthusiasm), since everything was a lot more slippery, but he had learned a few tricks over time that he believed made up for the muted sensations.

Something that Joong clearly seemed to appreciate as he panted and squirmed under him, hand moving from gripping the sheets to do the same with Seonghwa’s hair when he kept rubbing a particularly sensitive spot with his tongue.

“Fuck, stop. I need…” said Joong with some struggle, weakly lifting his head to look at him and tugging gently on his hair to pull him away. “A moment.”

Seonghwa smiled and moved back, trying to uselessly clean the mess of strawberry lube on his face with his hand before moving down to gently bite on his meaty thighs to give the man a break while he rubbed his balls with wet fingers.

Joong groaned. “Oh God. I’m going to die.”

“You’re not going to die,” he replied before leaning down once again to press his lips against the tip of his dick. “You’re just going to cum harder than you ever have in your life.”

Joong groaned again and fell back on the bed with his eyes closed when Seonghwa tightly wrapped his fingers around the base to hold the condom in place before getting as much of his erection inside of his mouth as he could, choosing to forgo all teasing and blow him properly instead this time around.

His mind started to become blissfully empty as he let himself go and simply enjoyed the feelings, senses so focused on the act itself that he could barely think about anything else as things escalated in intensity. 

All he could smell was the overpowering fake strawberry scent that coated his mouth and the subtle musk of clean sweat and sex underneath, all he could hear was Joong’s desperate panting and the pained unintelligible words scattered among the moans.  

All he could feel was the mix of saliva and lube sliding down his chin, the soreness in his jaw, the tingling in his throat when the tip of the condom threatened to trigger his barely-existent gag reflex every time Joong went deeper, and the way the man’s thigh was shaking under Seonghwa’s left hand as his hips had started to lose the barely steady rhythm he had managed to maintain for a short time.

And then all of that got overpowered by the hard pull on his hair, and the burn on both his scalp and his throat as Joong used the grip on his head immobilize him while he fucked his face sloppily. 

“I, ah, I’m…” 

Seonghwa couldn’t even feel disappointed by the fact that it was going to be over just when he had started to get lost in the mind-numbing bliss of simply getting pinned in place and being used for someone else’s pleasure, because the excitement of knowing that he was about to give Joong his first orgasm while having sex with someone else was enough to override everything else for a moment.

He had never understood the appeal of virginity as a turn on, but Seonghwa suddenly got why some people would feel attracted to the idea of being The First while he pushed against the man’s tight grip on his hair to quickly move away and slip the condom off before wrapping his hand around his bare dick to jerk him off.

“Come for me,” whispered Seonghwa desperately, words barely audible over the moans.

He could barely do two full pumps before Joong was coming with a loud whine, visible tremors rushing through his body while thick ropes of cum landed on his stomach as he arched his back off the mattress and covered his own face with shaky fingers – much to Seonghwa’s disappointment.

He could feel his own dick twitching at the raw ecstasy in Joong’s body language, hand milking every single drop out of him as he basked in the powerful feeling of knowing he had managed to do all of that with a half-decent blowjob that had lasted like three minutes.

He’d always enjoyed the act of pleasing his partners more than being on the receiving end, and he was quickly growing addicted to Joong’s overwhelmed litany of ‘oh Gods’ and pained sounds he was letting off before he finally pushed Seonghwa’s hand away from his sensitive dick with weak fingers.

He smiled and sat back on the bed, barely catching himself before he had the chance to absently wrap his wet hand around his own erection while he watched Joong’s brain slowly come back online as he gasped for air.

“Fuck…”

“How was that? Good?” he asked, dragging his fingernails on the man’s inner thighs just to see him twitch again. “Congratulations, by the way. You’re officially not a virgin anymore.”

Joong laughed almost in disbelief before exhaling loudly once again, but didn’t make any other attempts at moving or talking, so Seonghwa used the opportunity to go to the bathroom and wash his hands before coming back with a wet towel to clean the mess they’d made.

He got rid of the used condom before cleaning the cum from Joong’s chest and doing the same with the sticky mess around his still half-hard dick, so focused on his task that he couldn't help but freeze the moment he looked up at the man’s face to find him staring back at him.

Seonghwa could have sworn that his heart stopped beating when they made eye contact, once again feeling like he could drown under the dark gaze and the intensity behind it as he stalled his movements, trying to identify the myriad of confusing emotions he could see shining under the sluggish satisfaction of a good orgasm.

Joong was looking at him with the usual awed mix of amazement and hunger, but it was now joined by a new emotion so complex and piercing that Seonghwa couldn’t even begin to describe it – something deep and fervent enough to make his stomach flutter and push him forward instinctively to seal their mouths together in an attempt to break the overwhelming eye contact.

He immediately felt two arms embracing him and bringing him closer as Joong returned the kiss with the same passion he’d always shown, half-hard dick pressed against Seonghwa’s erection as he lowered himself to rest his weight on him while they started to make out again.

Seonghwa had been so focused on the other man’s pleasure that he hadn’t even stopped to think about his own, but now that his temporary partner was finally sated and satisfied, all he could focus on was the heated arousal between his legs as he grinded on Joong’s hip while they kissed.

“Do you want to touch me or would you prefer to watch?” he asked against his lips, trying to not to get too lost in his own desperation and instead slip back into the chill confident persona he’d been portraying all night. “Or none of the above, it’s your choice.”

“Shit, you’d actually let me touch you?” whispered Joong.

Seonghwa giggled. “Yes, I actually really want you to touch me right now. I’m this hard because of you.”

He couldn’t help but release another shocked laugh when Joong immediately pushed him back by his shoulders before eagerly manhandling Seonghwa to make him lie down on the bed, switching their positions so he was the one leaning over him now.

“Wh-what should I do?” asked Joong, going back to looking like the nervous man he’d been at the beginning of the night, and not the one who had kept Seonghwa’s head in place so he could roughly push his dick down his throat.

Looks like I’m not the only one switching between different personas tonight.

He wondered how much more he’d have to push to make Joong stop holding back together and release the side of him that didn’t hesitate to selfishly take his own pleasure from him, that dark side he kept hiding away every time it tried to take over.

“Whatever you feel like doing,” replied Seonghwa easily, opening his legs wide to give him more space to kneel between them if he wished to. “As usual, I’ll stop you if needed.”

Joong didn’t need to be told twice, lowering himself down so he could press his mouth against his in a single steamy kiss before dragging his lips down his jaw towards his neck.

Seonghwa had kind of expected the man to simply go straight to jerk him off, like most casual hook-ups would do, but he should have known that Joong wouldn’t be happy with that and would instead choose to scatter kisses all over his neck and collarbones before biting down particularly hard on a sensitive spot.

“Ah! No marks,” he exclaimed, even though he could feel a blob of pre-cum sliding down his hard dick as the pain from the bite made its way down his spine.

“Sorry,” said Joong, not sounding apologetic at all, before he continued his journey down his sternum.

“Touch me,” whined Seonghwa, feeling like he would go crazy if he didn’t get any pressure on his neglected erection soon.

“I’m already touching you,” explained Joong, almost mockingly, before dragging the tip of his tongue over his nipple.

“Touch my dick,” Seonghwa before arching his back to try to get more friction wherever he could get it. “Please.”

“Shit, say that again.”

“Joong,” he said breathlessly before lifting his head to whisper closer to his ear. “Touch my dick, please.”

“Fuck, Hwa.”

The man didn’t even hesitate before turning his head to get another kiss while blindly grabbing the discarded lube and pouring some over Seonghwa’s dick, taking a deep breath before finally wrapping his hand around it as he simply stared at the shiny tip disappear in and out of his fist.

Seonghwa moaned at the smooth friction, closing his eyes at the sensation and lying back on the bed again as Joong played around with his dick for a moment before he leaned over once to brush his tongue against his nipple.

“You’re so beautiful.”

He moaned again, hand gripping Joong’s dark hair to keep his mouth pressed against his sensitive nub as the man continued to jerk him off slowly.

“Tell me more,” begged Seonghwa. “Keep talking, please.”

“I thought it was impossible for you to look any prettier, but somehow you look even more gorgeous spread out like this,” said Joong, voice dripping with arousal as he made a pause to bite down on his nipple. “Shit. I’m so horny I feel like I’m losing my mind here, and it’s all because of how fucking hot you are and how good you feel.” 

Seonghwa whined as the words washed over him, overwhelmed tears coming up to his eyes while his hips moved to speed up the rhythm and fuck his fist harder.

“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget this night. I literally just came, but I still want you so much it hurts. I don’t know if I can take any more of this, and yet I’m desperate to do it all over again,” added Joong almost deliriously, pressing his erection down on Seonghwa’s inner thigh, almost like he was offering the physical evidence of his desire for him. “I already know that the sight of you between my legs, looking all wrecked and blissed out with my dick in your mouth, is going to haunt me forever.”

I hope it does.

He felt the desperate need to make sure this man would keep the memory of this night forever, because Seonghwa could already tell that he was also going to be haunted by the weirdly intense feelings he was currently experiencing.

“Joong,” he said, just to hear the word out loud, as the man in question abandoned his sore nipple and stilled the hand on his dick before pressing his forehead on his stomach with a pained sigh.

“What are you doing to me?”

He could hear the same confused and almost scared emotion that he could feel lurking in the back of his head in the man’s voice, but all he could do to try to offer some comfort was to caress the man’s hair as he lied immobile on his belly for a moment before he pressed his tongue against Seonghwa’s skin and startling him in the process.

Joong’s hand went back to pump his dick as he pressed open kisses around his waist, jerking him off a lot more roughly than he had before and turning all rational thought into mush as the blissfully mind-numbing pleasure took over the confusing emotions in his mind.

He could only moan even louder when he felt another hand joining its companion between his legs to rub his heavy balls before his fingers moved down to carefully rub against his hole, making Seonghwa moan and open his legs wider as the gentle touch only managed to fuel the fire that was driving him closer and closer to the orgasm.

“Can I…” started to ask Joong in a whisper. “Can I put it inside?”

It took Seonghwa some effort to understand the words, brain lagging as it tried to make sense of the question before opening his eyes and looking down at him when Joong halted the movements of his hands completely.

Oh.

Seonghwa could see the now familiar hunger shining even brighter in the man’s eyes while a heavy blush spread down his neck and over his heaving chest as he panted, shiny red erection standing proud once again.

“Can I fuck you here? Is that something you do?” added Joong while pressing the tip of his finger against his hole again, with less hesitation this time. “I’m willing to pay extra for it, even if it’s only for my fingers.”

Seonghwa simply blinked silently a few times to get past the twisted sensation he felt in his stomach at the mention of the money and instead focus on the explosion of heat that overshadowed everything else after his brain finally processed the question, feeling slightly surprised for some reason even if deep down he had actually been expecting it to pop up at some point during the night.

So this is the thing that you were too ashamed to ask for.

He didn’t usually have anal sex with one-night stands, mainly because most of his experiences consisted in a quickie in the restrooms of ARRIBA and this specific act required extra steps, time, and space – but also because allowing someone else inside his body in this way had always felt a bit too intimate to Seonghwa, and that was usually not what he was looking for in a random hook-up.

It was far from the first time he’d done something like this with a stranger, though, even if those previous experiences had never come with the almost dizzying urge to feel a man he barely knew deep inside him.

“Yes, you can fuck me. It is indeed something I enjoy doing,” replied Seonghwa, surprising himself by the almost nervous breathlessness in his voice. “No need to pay more.”

“Holy shit, okay,” said Joong before swallowing visibly. “Ho-how do we…”

Seonghwa didn’t even give him enough time to finish the question before he grabbed the lube from the spot where it had been slowly leaking all over the sheets, squirting a healthy amount on his fingers and immediately bringing them down to his hole to push two inside at once.

“God,” said Joong before moving back a bit to get a better view, hand wrapped tightly around the base of his own dick. “You have no idea how many times I’ve fantasized about this. Thank you.”

Seonghwa laughed breathlessly, too turned on by this point to even try to put on an enticing performance, even though he clearly didn’t need to do much to have the other man basically gasping for air while he stared at the way his fingers were hastily stretching his insides.

Joong moved closer, left hand reaching out to rest on Seonghwa’s thigh and massage the muscle there a couple of times before pushing it to the side to shamelessly spread him out even more when he added a third finger.

“Fuck, it’s even hotter than I expected it to be. Everything about you is so sexy, I really can’t look away.”

Seonghwa whined at the words and closed his eyes, feeling like he needed to get away from the man’s intense stare if he really wanted to focus on the task at hand and not simply combust into a ball of fire at the charged tension.

He could feel Joong’s fingers moving closer to his hole as they slowly made their way down from his thigh, but Seonghwa really wasn’t in the mood to have an inexperienced virgin proding around in his ass, even if he was always in for some good fingering

All he actually wanted to do right now was to sit on that fat cock and finally reach the toe-curling orgasm that he could feel hovering in the distance.

“Lie down,” said Seonghwa when he felt like he was stretched enough, not even caring about how desperate he sounded even to his own ears.

He would probably feel embarrassed by how ridiculously aroused he was if it wasn’t because the other man was practically vibrating with anticipatory energy as he moved down quickly to follow his instructions, not even seeming to care that he was lying on top of the pool of lube while he looked at him with expectant wide eyes.

“Oh my God,” said Joong when Seonghwa sat on his thighs to pump his erection a few times before rolling the new condom over it and properly slicking it up. “Oh my fucking God.”

He got up to his knees to position himself on top of it straight away, hand keeping the dick under him steady as he stopped for a moment after the tip made contact with the ring of muscle while he waited for Joong to finally tear his gaze away from his crotch to look at Seonghwa’s face instead.

Only then he started to lower himself slowly, making sure to maintain that stare on him until the head of Joong’s dick popped inside smoothly and they both closed their eyes at the explosion of sensations. 

Seonghwa whined when his thighs started to tremble as he continued to take it inch by inch, feeling the burn increase as his insides stretched to accommodate the impressive girth after months of celibacy – and still loving every single second of it.

Joong's hands went straight to his hips as he continued to go lower, fingers digging into his skin even though he neither tried to stop him nor push him down, instead simply clinging to him like Seonghwa was the anchor that was keeping him from floating away into space.

“Hwa.”

He couldn’t help but open his eyes slightly at the heaviness in the word, finding Joong staring back at him with so much devotion in his face that Seonghwa could feel his heart speeding up for reasons completely unrelated to the thick erection that was breaching into his body.

His name had been said with so much reverence that he was almost sad that he hadn’t shared the full real version of it just so he could engrave it in his brain to replay it over and over again, in that same amazed and breathless tone that matched the intense look in Joong’s eyes.

Seonghwa could only whine in response when he finally sat down on the other’s hips, hard dick nestled so deep inside him that he almost felt like he was going to burst away at the seam at any moment because of how incredibly full he felt.

“Fuck,” whispered Joong, the grip on his hips tightening even more as he visibly struggled to keep himself immobile.

“Shh, it’s okay. Deep breaths.”

Seonghwa was almost shaking the urge to move too, but he used all the willpower he had left to stay still for a moment as he caressed Joong’s arms comfortingly while taking in how much of a wreck he was: bangs sticking to his forehead as sweat started to collect there, cheeks flushed out bright pink, chest heaving as he gasped for air, whole body shaking under him, and pupils so blown out he couldn’t even see the brown iris anymore.

“That’s it,” he said as gently as he could as arousal continued to build in his abdomen and pushed him to just let go and move. “You’re doing so well. Follow my breathing.”

Joong whined and closed his eyes, becoming slightly less tense as he continued to match Seonghwa’s pattern.

“There you go,” he added before he started to move his hips in gentle circles, unable to stop himself any longer and inciting a moan from both of them at the sudden change in angle.

“How can this feel so intense?” asked Joong after a moment, sounding pained.

Seonghwa was too focused on lifting himself up before slowly falling down again to answer, failing to establish the easy rhythm he had intended to go for and quickly speeding things up instead as the heavy heat in his abdomen started to spread all over his body.

He didn’t know if it was because he hadn’t gotten laid in months, or that his sex life with Junhyung hadn’t been satisfying for a long time even before the break-up, or that he simply was that compatible with Joong – but Seonghwa couldn’t remember the last time he’d feel this horny and desperate to come, frantically chasing the orgasm that he could feel building up as sweat slid down his back and his mind went blank while his body moved fully on its own accord fueled by pleasure and instinct.

He could tell that Joong was trying his best at holding back by the death grip on his waist and the way he forced himself to stay still every time his hips snapped up to deepen the thrusts, and Seonghwa could feel an ugly feeling growing inside him at the way this inexperienced man was just lying there immobile with his eyes shut close while he was the one losing his mind with lust.

“Look at me,” he begged, desperately looking for a sign that indicated he wasn’t the only one feeling this overwhelmed.

“I can't,” replied Joong with a whine. “It's too much. I'll come.”

“That's the whole point,” said Seonghwa with a breathless chuckle, failing to grab his own neglected dick while still maintaining the same pace as he rode the other man.

“Don't, ah, want this to end.”

He moaned loudly when Joong’s dick brushed his prostate after a particular hard thrust, angling his hips to maintain the position that made the whines spill out of his mouth without restraint as pleasure started to build up faster.

Joong finally opened his eyes at that, staring up at his face with that now familiar fascinated and hungry reverence that made Seonghwa feel the rush of power and confidence he was quickly growing addicted to.

Perhaps it was true that he was only good at sex, but he was starting to think he wouldn’t mind it that much if it meant that this man would keep looking at him like he was a literal God.

“Te-tell me it feels good for you too,” said Joong suddenly between the pants, sounding as choked-up as he felt. “Lie if you have to.”

“You feel so fucking good,” said Seonghwa immediately before taking one of the man’s hands from his waist and placing it on his weeping erection. “Does it feel like I’m lying?”

Joong whined as his own hips snapped forward, fingers wrapped loosely around his dick as he focused on using the grip on his waist to meet his thrusts with so much force that Seonghwa could feel his skin starting to burn at the impact.

“Ah, yeah, just like that,” he said, head falling back as the combination of the friction on his dick and his prostate became too much to handle. “Fuck me. Make me cum.”

Seonghwa could only cling to the sheets underneath as Joong’s hips continued to sloppily and frantically fuck into him, desperately chasing his second orgasm as all semblance of self-control and self-restraint left him to once again uncover the man who had no problem holding him in place to seek his own pleasure.

A pleasure so blatant and raw that Seonghwa could almost feel it as if it was his own, so palpable that he could have sworn that he also felt it running down his spine when Joong’s orgasm hit him.

He couldn’t actually feel him coming through the condom, but he still felt it in the way the man’s whole body froze for a couple of seconds before it started trembling violently under him, burying himself so deep inside him that he felt like Joong was touching parts of him he didn’t even know existed.

Seonghwa knew he should have probably taken it easy with him as he went through what looked like a pretty powerful orgasm, but his own selfish need for release took over while the other man was slowly coming down from his high, and he quickly started to roughly jerk himself off as he continued to ride Joong’s probably oversensitive dick before it had the chance to soften.

He knew it probably didn’t take him too long to orgasm after that, but in a way it felt like the crescendo of pleasure lasted an eternity before it finally exploded inside him with so much intensity that he could only hear white noise for a moment.

He was half-lying on top of Joong when he fully came back to his senses, his own sticky cum trapped between their bodies as the other man stroked Seonghwa’s back gently while they both tried to get their breathing back to normal.

He allowed himself to bask in the afterglow of the orgasm for a short moment before getting up, groaning as the sore muscles in his thighs complained while he carelessly got rid of the condom over the edge of the bed, and cleaned all traces of cum on Joong with the towel from earlier before falling weakly on the bed next to him and pulling the comforter over them to offer some semblance of modesty.

None of them said anything for a while, but the silence that was left after they both stopped panting felt so comfortable and pleasant that it was lulling Seonghwa’s sated body into deep relaxation by the time Joong finally spoke up.

“That was…”

“Everything you've ever dreamed of?” he asked teasingly when the other man failed to finish the sentence.

“Way better than anything I could have ever imagined. I can’t describe how mind-blowing it was,” replied Joong earnestly. “Thank you so much for that.”

The tone of his voice was earnest and candid, but something in the way he thanked him still made Seonghwa feel uncomfortable in a weird way.

“I’m glad to hear that,” he managed to say through the heavy ball in his chest.

“Hey, is there any room service in this place?” asked Joong after a few seconds of charged quietness, which made Seonghwa let out a surprised laughter after a moment of stunted silence at the question.

“No, but there's a vending machine with snacks outside. Right next to the one with lube and condoms.”

Joong groaned. “There’s no way I can get up right now. My legs are so weak that I don’t think I’d be able to walk.”

Seonghwa laughed again while he turned to lie on his side and face Joong, finding him already staring intently at his face the moment he did.

They looked at each other for a moment before the other man did a quick sweep down his body with his eyes before landing on his face, gaze as intense as ever.

“You're so beautiful. I know I keep saying it, but it bears repeating. Your body is just perfect.”

“Just my body?” asked Seonghwa, trying to make it sound teasing and lighthearted even if the conversation was making the weird feeling grow bigger.

“Absolutely everything about you is perfect, I still can't believe you’re real,” explained Joong. “But your bodyline is simply unreal. Have you ever thought about becoming a model? You truly have the perfect proportions for it.”

“No, I’ve definitely never considered being a model,” he replied with a giggle. “Why? Do you work in fashion? Are you offering me a job?”

“Oh, no. Fashion is something I really enjoy, but it’s not my job. It doesn’t need to be for me to know that you’d be great at it, though. Maybe you should try it,” said Joong before opening his eyes wide. “Not that there’s anything wrong with your current job! I didn’t mean to imply that you should change careers. It…it’s the oldest profession in the world and all that, right? And I know I can’t compare it to anything else, but I can tell you're incredibly good at it.”

“Sex is quite literally the only thing you’re good for.”

Seonghwa managed to hold back the grimace as Junhyung’s words erupted into his mind without warning, and instead he chuckled as gently as possible to prevent himself from spiraling into something he really didn’t feel like dealing with right now.

“What do you do for work, then? If not fashion,” he asked to try to change the topic.

“I…” replied Joong. “I work in the family business. Tech stuff. Very boring, not much to say.”

“Looks like it’s still a successful one, regardless of how boring it is,” said Seonghwa.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Sounds like you don’t like it,” he added, pointing out the stupidly obvious.

“I absolutely hate it, but there's nothing I can do about that,” explained Joong before laughing humorlessly.

There was so much depth and mystery in the vague answer that Seonghwa was hit once again with the overwhelming urge to keep asking, keep digging.

He wanted to know why this man had ended up in a random gay bar in Busan, alone and willing to pay an exorbitant amount of money to a stranger to sleep with him after struggling with his sexuality for such a long time.

He didn’t know why, but he was quite literally itching to peel off all these layers to meet the confident man who laid dormant beneath that anxious exterior – the one he had caught glimpses of throughout the night.

“I know it's not my business, but allow me to give you some friendly advice,” said Seonghwa instead, feeling the need to say this before they had the chance to part ways. “You should be more careful with these things from now on and not go around approaching strangers the way you did with me. Next time you want an escort, find them through the right channels and veto them properly. You can put yourself in a really dangerous position by openly flaunting your money like that in an unfamiliar place.”

“Ah, yeah, that. No need to worry about it, this is entirely out of character for me. I still don’t know how I managed to muster the courage to do something like this in the first place, so it probably won’t ever happen again,” explained Joong before chuckling and shyly scratching the back of his neck. “I honestly wasn't even completely sure if I'd be able to even go into the bar, it wouldn't be the first time I chicken out at the last minute and run away. I was about to do exactly that when you walked in, to be honest, but I was just so drawn to you that I couldn't leave without talking to you. You kept rejecting guys who were much hotter than me and I knew I was just going to make a fool of myself, but I was completely bewitched.” 

“I'm no witch,” replied Seonghwa with a shy smile, feeling the blush spread over his face at the sincerity in the compliment.

“No, I guess you're not,” said Joong before smirking. “You're more like a siren, actually. Alluring and ethereal.”

He giggled again before shyly covering his warm face with his hands, trying to squash the silly giddiness that was growing inside him the more they talked.

“I already put out, you don't have to flatter me,” said Seonghwa with another giggle. “Look at you being all flirty and playful, though. Where did that nervous guy who couldn’t even look me in the eye go?”

“It's not flattery, I'm being 100% truthful,” replied Joong before chuckling again. “And honestly? I don’t know where that guy went, I can barely recognize myself right now. I thought it was the alcohol-included confidence at first, but then I realized it’s just …you. You're really good at making me feel like I can loosen up a bit and be myself without any judgment. I feel oddly comfortable with you, but I suppose that’s normal after putting your body parts inside someone else’s body parts.”

No, not like this. This is definitely not normal. 

Seonghwa didn’t know why being with this guy felt so weirdly natural and intimate, but he was trying his best at not looking too deep into it at this specific moment.

He already felt like was drowning in the complexity of this situation, he really didn’t want to add more confusion to it.

“Holy shit, I can't believe I'm not a virgin anymore,” added Joong before pushing his fingers into hair. “I went out tonight because, I don’t know, my train back to Seoul leaves first thing in the morning and I’ve been stuck in Busan for a few days now so I just felt the need to get out of my hotel room. Going to a gay bar was nerve-wracking enough, but never in my wildest dreams I thought I'd end up having mind-blowing sex with a literal God.”

“I thought I was a siren,” said Seonghwa teasingly. “I'm glad you approached me, though. I hope you’re fully convinced by now, but I really wasn’t lying when I said it felt good for me too. I had a great time as well.”

I’ve lied to you about many things tonight, but that’s definitely not one of them.

Joong chuckled shyly, but he could still see the underlying smugness that told Seonghwa that he had unquestionably shown the man that the pleasure he had felt was very much real.

“I only did it because I overheard your conversation with the bartender, to be fair. Sorry about that, by the way, I didn’t mean to pry. Getting someone so incredibly out of my league with my twitchy personality and severe lack of flirting skills is literally impossible, but if it’s something like this…” explained Joong before chuckling again, in a much different way this time around. “Well, this I can actually do. Money is one of the very few things I can confidently offer.”

Seonghwa could feel his stomach flipping as all the air left his lungs with a painful punch, finding himself resonating so much with the heavy sentiment under the unfamiliar words that he had to hold back from reaching out and hug him, even if just to try to offer some useless comfort he knew wouldn’t help.

“I'd like to give you some friendly advice too, if you allow me,” added Joong, looking hesitant once again. “You're the professional here and I don't want to imply you need some random guy to butt into it, but I think it’d be better if you did things a bit differently from now on too. I think you’re also putting yourself in potentially dangerous situations by doing business with random men without having some kind of system in place. Maybe you could do some kind of background check? And definitely consider securing the payment before doing anything, just in case.”

Seonghwa snorted at the absurdity of the situation, finding the serious tone in the other man’s voice hilarious as they discussed his half-assed brief career as a sex worker.

“I appreciate the friendly advice, but I promise this isn’t how I do these things normally,” he said with a smirk, being half-honest while trying to come across as secure as possible. “I'm actually breaking some of my own rules for you. You're getting special treatment because my gut feeling told me you’re trustworthy. And, to return the honesty you've shown me, because you're hot and I genuinely wanted to fuck you.”

Joong gasped in shock, just to immediately close his mouth again straight away as the gentle blush he’d had on his face seemed to get deeper while he processed Seonghwa’s words, and he couldn’t help but laugh yet again at the flustered expression – which in turn made the other man giggle as well.

“You have such a gorgeous smile. I know I’ve complimented your looks way too many times already, but I really think that your smile is hands down your most beautiful feature,” said Joong suddenly in a rush, like he was putting the words out there before he could stop himself. “It brightens your whole face and makes your eyes shine even more. It really suits you.”

Seonghwa could feel the aforementioned smile slipping away as the weird weight on his chest expanded once again, growing bigger and bigger until he could physically feel it push against his rib cage.

The candid compliment and the almost innocent honesty behind it made him feel so choked-up that it felt like a bucket with ice water had been dumped over him, sobering him up instantly and bursting the fake intimate bubble they had created inside this room with a loud pop.

It seemed like Seonghwa had slipped so fully into the fake persona he was portraying that apparently he hadn’t just successfully convinced this man that he was someone he actually wasn’t, but he had somehow convinced himself as well.

“I’m sorry if I offended you,” said Joong, clearly noticing the shift in the air. “I’m probably being really weird right now with all this yapping. I don’t know why I’m telling you all of this, I apologize.”

Seonghwa had gotten so lost in their chemistry and the freedom of simply letting go of everything that he had also managed to make himself forget about what was truly going on here.

Joong was so high on the endorphins of his first sexual experience that Seonghwa had ended up mirroring the same feelings and almost acting like he himself had reverted back to his old virgin self, but the truth was that their time together was coming to an end and very soon he’d have to leave both this man and the stack of ₩50,000 bills sitting on the bedside table behind.

“It’s fine,” replied Seonghwa, trying his best at making his smile look genuine again despite the reality check he’d just gone through in his head. “I promise you're not being weird and I’m not offended, I actually think what you said is incredibly sweet and I appreciate it. I’m just a bit tired and accidentally spaced out for a moment there. You did kind of fuck my brains out, you know?”

Joong stared at him for a moment, almost like he was studying his face to figure what had just happened, before snorting and shrugging his shoulders shyly.

“I don't know about that, you did all the work. I didn’t really get the chance to do much besides coming so hard that I blacked out both times.”

“Would you like to?” said Seonghwa immediately while reaching out under the sheet to grab the man's soft dick where it was laying on his thigh. “We still have one condom left, and you should make the most of your money before the night is over.”

“Wh-what?” asked Joong with a gasp as he started to slowly try to coax another erection out of him.

“Want to fuck me again? You can do all the work this time.”

Seonghwa didn’t really know if it was because he wanted to have one last moment of blissful freedom, because he simply wanted to put a stop on the conversation before it got more personal, or simply because he knew it’d help make Joong fall asleep faster so he could get out here – but he felt the urge to do it one last time, even if it clearly wasn’t driven by the same desperate lust in this case.

“I…I don’t think I can get hard again,” replied Joong breathlessly.

“Your dick is certainly trying,” he pointed out with a grin when he felt it slowly filling up in his fist.

Joong groaned, but didn’t even bother to add anything else as he moved to lie on his back with his legs slightly open to give him more room to jerk him off, before bringing Seonghwa down by his nape to lock their mouths in a kiss.

The tension in the air was a lot less frantic and more sluggish this time around, but that didn’t stop them from raising the temperature in the room again as they made out messily while slowly getting each other hard again with their hands.

None of them bothered talking again until Seonghwa broke the kiss to roll the last condom on Joong’s dick before coating it with lube and getting on all fours, all the previous busy thoughts in his mind blissfully muted once again as lazy arousal took over when he tucked his head between his forearms.

Safely hiding him away from those eyes.

“What do I do now? Do I need to, like, stretch you?” asked Joong hesitantly.

“I’m already loose and ready to go, as you can probably see,” explained Seonghwa playfully. “Just stick it in and let your instincts take it from there. Do whatever feels good.”

Joong didn’t seem to react to his instructions at first, hesitation palpable in the air as silence took over the room, but he ended moving closer and resting his hands on his hips after a while.

“Please, let me know if I do something I shouldn’t.”

“I will,” said Seonghwa, reaching back to blindly grab the man’s dick and bring it closer to his hole before the heavy feeling in his chest had the chance to come back. “Just keep an eye on the condom to make sure it stays in place.”

“Okay.”

Joong had clearly intended to do it slowly at first, fat tip breaching him at a gentle pace even though Seonghwa didn’t really need that by now, but his resolution had flown out of the window the moment he was completely seated inside him with his hips pressed against his ass.

“You’re so tight,” whined Joong, fingers moving from his hips to dig tightly into his waist again. “It feels so good.”

“Fuck me.”

He didn’t even have the chance to add anything else to that whiny command, because Joong immediately dragged his dick out before quickly slamming it back inside again to establish a surprisingly steady rhythm.

His cock felt even bigger this time as it filled him to the limit, reaching so deep that Seonghwa felt like there wasn't any room left inside him for the air in his lungs, let alone the thoughts in his head.

Focusing on the physical sensations and not the weirdly emotional side was a lot easier in this position, and it didn’t take him long to get lost in the growing warmth in his abdomen and the way the tip of his own erection was rubbing on the bed cover every time Joong fucked into him.

There was no finesse or technique whatsoever in his frantic thrusts, but he still managed to accidentally land enough hits to his prostate to make Seonghwa lose his mind with ecstasy while he kept his face pressed against his own arms, his hands holding tightly to the soiled sheets to avoid collapsing under the brutal pace.

Seonghwa hadn’t planned on coming a second time himself, and yet he had been unable to stop his hand from grabbing his own hard dick and jerking himself off into complexion when Joong's thrusts started to grow even more sloppy and erratic as he moaned behind him while chasing his own climax.

The hands on his waist moved down to his hips instead to keep him pinned in place while Joong pushed himself as far as he could go before coming with a loud groan, and Seonghwa was quick to follow as he fisted his own dick furiously before spilling all over the bedding at the feeling of the other man continuing to slowly fuck into him to milk his orgasm out.

Everything felt less sharp and overwhelming this time around, but Seonghwa was still so boneless and deliciously spent that he just let his shaky limbs give out under him to make him fall on the bed with a satisfied sigh, bringing Joong down with him as the man just lied as weakly on top of him.

They both giggled breathlessly before falling silent again and letting their heavy pants be the only sound audible in the room, bodies sweaty and intertwined as they recovered from their respective orgasms.

“The condom,” he whispered with his face still pressed against the sheet when he felt Joong’s dick softening inside him.

“Oh, right,” replied Joong, immediately getting up and slowly pulling out with an inelegant wet sound. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” mumbled Seonghwa, not even holding back the grimace at the slightly unpleasant sensation.

He could vaguely hear the other man dealing with the condom while he basked in the pleasant endorphins rushing through his veins, so relaxed that he jumped startled the moment he felt coarse material rubbing on the small of his back.

“Sorry, sorry,” said Joong again as he dragged the towel over Seonghwa’s thighs and ass before gently turning him around to do the same with his abdomen.

“Thank you,” he said softly while staring down at the man's hands to avoid looking at his eyes.

“I was a bit out of it, but I feel like I was kind of rough. I'm really sorry.”

“It's fine, I liked it,” muttered Seonghwa with a sated smile, patting his arm softly to reassure him. “Not bad at all for your first time. You're a natural.”

Joong snorted, staring at him in silence for a bit longer before resuming the cleaning and covering him up with the blanket once he realized that Seonghwa was going to return the direct eye contact.

He knew that he should probably get up and help the other man deal with the mess they'd made together, but he felt so physically and emotionally exhausted out of the sudden that he could only muster a few words and weak giggles while he watched Joong awkwardly try to clean the disgusting amounts of strawberry lube that had spilled all over the bed.

He laughed again when Joong got up and almost fell down when his legs gave out under him, watching him pick up the tied condoms they had carelessly thrown at the floor before silently taking a water bottle from the mini-bar and handing it to Seonghwa.

He smiled back at him in appreciation and drank half of it in one go before watching Joong wordlessly walk into the bathroom and delicately close the door behind him, clearly noticing that Seonghwa needed some space to clear his head right now. 

He sighed with relief when he heard the sound of water running inside the bathroom and used the opportunity to allow himself some time to simply be, a brief moment to close his eyes and give his sore muscles a break after the unexpected pounding he had just taken. 

He let the sound of the water lull him as his body sank on the surprisingly comfortable bed, mentally preparing himself to set the next steps of his plan in motion once that bathroom door opened again. 

All he had to do after Joong was done with his shower was convince him to get back to bed and lie down for a bit, and then walk into the bathroom himself to waste enough time there for the other man to fall asleep. Then, Seonghwa could gather all his things and leave an apologetic note under the pile of cash before sneaking out of the door and into the cold night.

The mere idea made the weird weight on his chest get heavier, but he was so drained right now that he didn’t even have the strength to focus on the guilt as all his attention started to slip away while exhaustion took over.

It was the only way to get out of this mess Seonghwa had accidentally created, whether he liked it or not.

He just needed to pull himself together before Joong walked out of that bathroom.

A couple of minutes. That’s all I need.

–

Seonghwa woke up slowly as a familiar noise pulled him out of the dreamless sleep.

It took him a moment to recognize the faint sound as a phone vibrating on a solid surface, and the fuzzy cotton that seemed to surround his brain disappeared immediately when all the memories from the previous night came rushing back.

He sat up with a gasp, followed immediately by a wince when a sharp pain traveled all the way up his spine and the nausea hit him hard as the room started to spin around him.

Fuck.

Seonghwa took a deep breath to recenter himself before doing a quick sweep of the room and the empty bathroom from his spot on the bed, already knowing that he wouldn’t be able to find Joong anywhere even before he looked.

“...fuck.”

He couldn’t help the loud groan that followed the curse when he saw the money sitting on the exact same place where Seonghwa had left it last night after taking it from Joong’s hands.

“Fuck,” he repeated once again before pressing the heels of his palms against his closed eyes to try to lessen the headache and the nausea that was making it hard to think.

You’re a fucking idiot, Park Seonghwa.

In the most predictable sequence of events possible, he had royally fucked up while trying to indulge himself for a single night and do a good deed for someone else in the process.

Seonghwa had ended up having his own plan backfire and turn on him because he had fallen asleep and let Joong get away unnoticed and without his money, just like he himself had foolishly intended to do. Because he had been too focused on the rush of emotions and pleasure of the moment, in the fantasy of the little white lie he had crafted, and had accidentally lost sight of the most important part - a white lie that didn’t seem as little and innocent as he had convinced himself it was, now that he was looking at the consequences of what he had done with post-nut clarity and a sober brain.

And with a pile of cash sitting next to him, one that was visibly even thicker than it had been last night.

Of course he would be the type of guy who would generously tip a hooker…

Seonghwa sighed and leaned over the empty side of the bed to grab the piece of paper that was sticking out from underneath the money, hissing in pain as the movement put weight on his already tender ass.

“Hi Hwa. I apologize for leaving without saying goodbye, but I’m too much of a coward to have this conversation face-to-face while completely sober,” he read out loud, just to see if hearing the words echo in the silent room would help soothe the ache in his chest. “I simply wanted to say: thank you for a wonderful night I’ll never forget. It was a magical experience that exceeded all my wildest expectations, and it was all because of you and how comfortable you made me feel. You're a fantastic professional in every sense of the word, I hope you know that. Thanks again for everything, I wish you all the best. Love, Joong. PS. We never discussed any of the details of the transaction besides the payment, so hopefully you got everything you needed from me. PPS. I left a little extra as a gift for you. You truly deserve every single won ;).”

Seonghwa stared at the winky face Joong had drawn at the end of the note for a moment before going back to the beginning of the text to read it out loud again, and then once more as tears started to pool in his eyes without spilling when the words on the paper started to mix with the words that were always playing on loop in his head.

“Sex is quite literally the only thing you’re good for.”

He didn’t know how long he spent staring at that winky face before he fell back down on the bed, trying to ignore both the money and the way his phone had started vibrating once again inside of his purse while he stared at the ceiling and allowed himself to just feel instead of think for a brief moment.

Feel the lingering soreness and the sated satisfaction that came from a good fuck with a sexually compatible partner. Feel the leftover tingles that came from the rush of pleasant hormones that had shot through him after he opened himself up to welcome someone else inside his own body.

Feel the confusing mix of emotions that came from the bitter aftertaste of having someone do the disappearing act on him for a change, of not being the one who had silently slipped out in the middle of the night without saying a word or actually acknowledging the intimate moment he had shared with that person.

Feel the painful slap of reality that came from waking up alone in a silent room to a pile of cash and a note congratulating him for a job well-done on the bedside table, officially turning him into the prostitute he had pretended to be.

–

Seonghwa had had plenty of one-night stands between his two long-term relationships.

He’d never felt any shame in openly saying that he just enjoyed sex in all its forms, so he was perfectly capable of appreciating both the simple carnal pleasure of a ‘casual fuck’ with a stranger and the nuanced feelings behind ‘making love’ with an established partner you had real feelings for.

He had enough experience to know exactly what kind of expectations and emotions came from each of the sides of the spectrum, and that’s precisely why he couldn’t understand why he was feeling so distraught after his experience with Joong.

So abandoned.

Seonghwa had laid on the bed of that hotel room for longer than he’d like to admit, only mustering the courage to get up on wobbly legs when his phone had started ringing for the third time from the place where he had dropped it on the previous night.

He had pretended that everything was fine when he picked up the phone to have a brief conversation with Wooyoung to confirm that he was indeed alive and well, and then he’d continued pretending everything was still fine as he stood in the same shower where he’d made out with Joong just a few hours before while he washed all the evidence away.

Seonghwa was still acting when he grabbed the stack of money to carelessly put it in his purse without even looking at it before quickly getting dressed with yesterday’s clothes, leaving the room without even checking if he was leaving anything behind to do the walk of shame towards his apartment.

He was still pretending when he ran into Wooyoung and Yunho in their shared kitchen after getting into the apartment, answering intrusive questions about the ‘rich awkward guy from the club’ with jokes and half-truths.

And he was definitely still acting like everything was fine when he calmly walked into his room and stashed the money in a shoe box inside his closet, leaving it there so Future Seonghwa could deal with it before crawling on his bed and falling asleep again.

Except that Future Seonghwa was going to be too busy being a lovesick idiot over a one-night stand to even have the strength to think rationally about the two million plus won sitting in his closet.

He had tried to track Joong down using the very limited information he had gathered during their night together, he genuinely had, but unsurprisingly that hadn’t been enough to find him among the vast world of corporate Seoul.

He had even gone back to ARRIBA as often as he could for the next few weeks after That Night, spending hours turning men down and ignoring Yunho’s playful banter about his sudden celibacy while looking for Joong in the crowd – even if Seonghwa knew he was long gone by now and he was never going to see him again.

He wasn’t even fully sure if he had been looking for him to return the money or if he simply wanted another taste of the freedom and the passion he’d felt during their limited time together, if he was being completely honest with himself.

Because, once both the light hangover and the guilty shame had disappeared to allow the reality of the situation to finally sink in, all that was left was all the confusing feelings that Seonghwa felt every time he thought about Joong.

It was extremely embarrassing to admit, even if it was just to himself, but he couldn’t remember the last time he had felt that alive while having sex with someone. It hadn’t even been a particularly good fuck, from a purely objective standpoint, since Joong had acted very much like the virgin he was – with the single-minded fixation with penetration, the sloppy technique, and the selfish focus on his own pleasure.

And yet, it had been so full of passion and scorching chemistry that he felt his body getting warmer and arousal spreading in his belly every time he thought about the memories of that night.

He almost felt like the way Joong had looked at him while Seonghwa was riding him was engraved with fire in his brain by now, because many lovers had looked at him with hunger before, but nobody had ever looked at him with that much adoration and yearning shining in their eyes. 

In the end, that stranger had just wanted from him what many other men had wanted before him, but Joong had still made him feel like he was a lot more than a warm pretty body despite the added layer of complexity that came from the accidental money exchange.

An awkward stranger with no sexual experience, and who believed the night they had shared was a simple ‘business transaction’, had made Seonghwa feel more appreciated in a few hours than any of his previous boyfriends had in years of relationship – which only served as the final confirmation of how pathetically shitty his choice in men had always been.

All Seonghwa had wanted that day was a night of freedom and meaningless sex to forget about his shitty ex and his shittier life, but instead he had ended up entangled in a complicated situation that he was struggling to move on from.

And, once again, he could only blame himself for the questionable decisions that had led him to this point.

–

Seonghwa had done his best to ignore the stack of money hiding in his closet over the following weeks.

He had stopped himself from thinking about it while he stood at the grocery store, mentally going through the price of each item he had been holding to see if he could afford everything he needed.

He had even been able to easily push it aside while he had gathered the little savings that had survived his relationship with Junhyung to hand them over to Yunho as payment for Seonghwa’s part of the rent and utilities for that month, even if his friend had stubbornly refused to take it from him at first.

He had clung tightly to his ego and simply refused to spend the money he felt he hadn’t truly earned, even when he had ended up crying himself to sleep while trying to figure out how he was even going to make it to the next paycheck, but then his car had finally decided to give up on him and leave him completely stranded in the rain as he was making his way home after a particularly shitty shift at the restaurant.

He had been so incredibly exhausted that not even his ego had stopped him from kneeling inside the closet to grab the shoe box, finally counting how much it truly was with shaky hands before taking the four pristine ₩50,000 bills he needed to fix the car and putting the rest back in its place.

After that, it had become hard to remember why he had even been fighting so stubbornly against using the money he had gotten during his accidental one-off gig as a sex worker: Seonghwa might had been the one joking about it during their first conversation, but Joong had been the one who had decided to accept the price and then give him the full amount plus a 25% tip on top of it.

He had actually earned that money fair and square, if he truly looked at it without any judgements. 

There was no real reason to feel like the massive scammer Seonghwa felt he was sometimes, since hadn’t technically scammed anyone because he did fulfill his part of the deal – even if he hadn’t meant to make it an actual deal to begin with.

He was never going to see Joong again, anyway, so it was not like he’d be able to give the money back even if he actually had wanted to. There was no point in beating himself over it anymore.

Seonghwa had gotten ₩2,500,000 for his apparently professional-grade dick riding skills, he might as well just spend it and get this whole thing done with so he could move on with his life and start letting go of the haunting memories of that night.

Or at least that was what he kept repeating to himself as he dug through the deceivingly never-ending source of money in his closet with growing ease as the weeks went by. 

It wasn’t even that Seonghwa had just upgraded his lifestyle and had started buying fancy things he didn’t need all of the sudden. It was just that, for the first time in his adult life, he didn’t have to do a mental check of his bank balance before treating himself to minor things like ordering whipped cream on his coffee or getting that extra serving of meat at the BBQ place.

He rationally knew that 2,5 million won was far from being considered ‘life-changing money’, but it was more than enough to give him some breathing room to chip away at while he started to save up money once again so he could get back on his feet without his friends’ charity.

He had even been able to give Wooyoung the rent he owed back with the false excuse of Mr. Choi finally paying for some of the overtime he’d done, even if his friend had resisted at first, only giving in and grabbing the cash from his hand with a pout when Seonghwa had put his foot down and threatened to just move out if he didn’t take it.

He knew everyone had noticed changes in his behavior even if he had been trying to be subtle about it, but his sudden ‘cash surplus’ had been surprisingly easy to explain by pretending he actually still had some savings left and reusing the same lie about his overtime work.

The emotional aftermath of his night with Joong hadn’t been as easy to brush off as the money had been, though, because it had apparently been noticeable enough to make Wooyoung bring it up while they were out buying drinks for Seonghwa’s upcoming birthday celebration.

“So, have you heard from Junhyung recently?” 

He looked up at Wooyoung from the place where he’d been kneeling to look at the alcohol bottles on the lowest shelf, staring at his friend with a puzzled expression at the sudden mention of his ex-boyfriend.

“...no?” said Seonghwa with clear confusion in his voice.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. I haven’t seen him since the day he came to the restaurant to make a scene like a month and a half ago,” he replied before standing back up with a bottle of vodka in his hand. “Have you heard from him?”

“Luckily for him, I haven’t. The last time I saw him was when he came looking for you on Christmas day.”

“Then why are you bringing him up out of nowhere?” asked Seonghwa.

His friend hummed and walked towards the next aisle without giving him an answer, which only made him sigh and follow behind him with growing frustration.

“Wooyoung,” he said in warning the moment he caught up to him.

“I just feel like you've been particularly mopey lately, so I was wondering if you could be stupid enough to consider going back to him. That’s all.”

Seonghwa didn’t know what he’d been expecting from the sudden question, but that definitely wasn’t it, so he couldn’t help the loud laugh that escaped him in the middle of the GS25 the moment his brain registered what his friend had said.

“Just thinking about that asshole makes my skin crawl, so there’s absolutely nothing to be afraid of. I’m stupid, but not that stupid,” he said half-jokingly.

“It’s not stupidity, it’s the fact that he’s an abusive piece of shit who completely destroyed your self-esteem and made you think you didn’t deserve anything better than his pathetic ass.”

Seonghwa could feel his playful smile slipping away at the serious tone in Wooyoung’s voice, air getting tense around them as the previous lightheartedness disappeared.

“I’m very aware of the number he did on me, and I’m working really hard on building my confidence back,” he explained with the same serious demeanor. “I promise I’m doing my best here.”

“I know, and I’m very proud of you. We all are,” replied Wooyoung with a small smile before ruffling his hair. “But I still think you have looked like a lovesick puppy recently.”

Seonghwa groaned and pushed his hand away, focusing on fixing his bangs while he wondered just how open he should be about his current predicament.

“I’m not lovesick. I’m just…” he said finally before pausing, trying to find the right words to explain it. “Dealing with a silly crush right now, and it’s been a while since the last time I felt this way so I’m a bit all over the place. I swear it has nothing to do with Junhyung, no need to worry.”

Wooyoung perked up at his words, eyes narrowing him while he studied his face like he was going to find the answers he was looking for there.

“Wait, what? When did this happen? Why wasn’t I informed about the fact that you have a new man?”

“I don’t have a new man! It’s just a silly crush,” replied Seonghwa with a laugh, pressing his lips tightly closed when an elderly woman made a disapproving sound next to them.

“Mind your business, grandma,” said Wooyoung before turning to look at him again. “Who’s this crush then?”

Seonghwa laughed again but didn’t reply as he looked down to check their basket and make sure they had everything they needed before walking towards the cashier, where his friend had quickly pushed his hand away to press his own card down on the machine when it came time to pay.

Their brief card-wrestling match at the check-out hadn’t been enough to make Wooyoung forget about the conversation, though, because he had immediately brought the topic back up the moment they stepped outside the store.

“So?”

Seonghwa sighed and continued to walk in silence, trying to figure out the best way to explain all the complex emotions he felt when he thought about Joong without touching on the accidental prostitution.

“There isn’t much to tell, he’s just a one-night stand,” he said finally. “Some random guy I barely know because we spent most of our time together, well, fucking.”

“He’s clearly a lot more than a random guy if you’re acting like this because of a one-night stand,” replied Wooyoung.

“Nah. I don’t think I have all these confusing feelings because of him, per se,” explained Seonghwa. “I think it was mainly because it was his first time ever having sex, and I’m feeling some type of way about it.”

Plus the whole money exchange thing, but I’m trying my best here to ignore that part.

Wooyoung giggled. “Oh wow, I didn’t know you had a virgin kink! Are you really crushing on this guy just because you deflowered him?”

He laughed and playfully hit his friend with his free hand.

“Of course not, you idiot! That’s not the thing that is making me feel like this. I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and I believe it’s more like…” explained Seonghwa, trying to put his thoughts into words. “The freeing simplicity and the rawness of the emotions I felt, if that makes sense. Sure, we had great chemistry and the sex was surprisingly good, but the thing that truly stuck with me is the amount of respect and tenderness he showed under all the unrestrained desire. I’ve never been looked at and treated with that much reverence by a partner before, long-term or not, and I admit I’m a bit hung up on the memory of him because of it.”

“I think I understand where you’re coming from,” said Wooyoung. “You’re so starved for intimate affection that it’s not surprising that you’re clinging to the first guy who showed you basic respect during sex, even if he was just a desperate horny virgin. You’ve dated some really shitty assholes, Seonghwa, I can only assume that behavior extends to the bedroom.”

“I know, okay? You don’t have to remind me I have shit taste in partners again, we’re all very aware of it by now,” he explained with a groan. “It’s not like I have to worry about that anymore, though. I’m done with men, I’m just going to focus on myself and try to get my life back on track.”

“Or you could find the guy you deflowered again and see where it takes you. You deserve someone who treats you with reverence and respect even when he’s horny,” added Wooyoung. “I assume you met him at ARRIBA, I’m sure Yunho can help you track him down.”

Seonghwa chuckled.

Yeah, I’m sure he’d have a field day if he found out the real reason why I haven’t felt like sleeping with anyone else recently is Awkward Guy.

“Please, promise me you won’t tell Yunho. I don’t want anyone else to know about this stupid crush that is never going to happen, anyway. The guy was in Busan only for a couple of days and we barely even exchanged names in the first place, let alone contact information,” he explained. “I’m never going to see him again, and it’s definitely for the best. I’ve never been single for too long and I really just want to spend some time with myself so I can heal properly. I don’t feel like dealing with relationships right now, even if it’s with the right kind of men.”

Wooyoung sighed dramatically before they both fell silent for a moment, the crowd around them getting lighter as they turned around the corner and walked into the silent residential area where they lived.

“I think you should worry less about my romantic life, or lack thereof, and focus on your own relationship for a change,” said Seonghwa, feeling the sudden need to change the topic before his friend had a chance to bring Joong up again.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, there’s no relationship,” replied Wooyoung immediately. “I’m single as a pringle.”

“So are we still pretending that Yunho is not your boyfriend, then?” asked Seonghwa playfully before bumping his shoulder against his friend’s.

“He’s not my boyfriend! He’s just a …close friend I have sex with occasionally. Friends with benefits, as they say.”

“It’s usually called that, yes,” he said with a smirk. “But I don’t think that is what’s actually going on here.”

Wooyoung snorted. “There’s really nothing to talk about, Seonghwa. Sometimes we fuck each other, sometimes we fuck other people. That’s literally all it is.”

“Open relationships are a thing, you know,” he said as they came to a stop in front of their apartment building to open the front door.

“There is no relationship! Open or otherwise,” exclaimed Wooyoung loudly while pressing the elevator button with way more force than necessary. “And don’t think I haven’t noticed that you’re trying to divert attention away from yourself and your crush.”

Seonghwa snorted and playfully bumped him with his shoulder again, which made his friend retaliate with so much force that he almost dropped the bag full of drinks he was holding.

“Be careful, you’re paying for the replacements if you break anything,” he warned.

“I already paid for these ones!”

Seonghwa laughed as they continued to pretend to fight each other after walking into the empty elevator, before Wooyoung ended up patting his head and giving him a silent one-arm hug that spoke louder than words of the support and love his friend was always willing to give him.

He sighed and returned the embrace with the same intensity, trying to silently express how grateful he was for everything this man had done for him using his body language.

Seonghwa could only blame himself for the bad decisions that had led him to the lowest points of his life, but he was starting to believe that maybe (just maybe) things would actually be alright.

He was starting to believe that maybe it wasn’t too late for him, that maybe he still had time to fix all the ugly parts of himself so Future Seonghwa could become the man he was supposed to be and turn his life around.

A man who would actually be deserving of all the love and affection his very soul craved.

–

“I’m paying for this round, Seonghwa!”

“You paid for the last one too, Yeosang. It’s my turn.”

“This is supposed to be my treat since I missed your birthday party. Put that card back in your wallet and let me deal with this.”

He sighed in defeat and moved his hand out of the way, knowing that trying to argue with his friends when it came to this was pretty much useless.

Seonghwa took another sip of his Porn Star Martini while he stared in silence while Yeosang paid the bartender, using the glass to hide the grimace on his face as the strong bitter flavor hit his tongue.

He’d always hated coming to ARRIBA on Yunho’s days off, not only he didn’t get to enjoy the special ‘Friends Discount’ (aka free drinks), but it simply didn't taste as good either.

“You had a family emergency back home,” said Seonghwa once the vaguely familiar bartender had finally left. “That's way more important than my silly birthday party, Yeosang. It’s fine, I’m just happy that your grandma is doing better now.”

“Still, it was your first birthday as a free man and I’m sad that I missed it. I was looking forward to having a party without Mr. Asshole being around to ruin the mood.”

Seonghwa managed to hold back the eye-roll that almost came out at the mention of his ex-boyfriend: he felt like he had been making a lot of progress recently in that department, and he really didn’t want to even think about Junhyung during what was essentially his second birthday celebration. 

“Anyway,” he said, trying to change the topic before they could go there. “We’ve spent the whole time we’ve been here ranting all about our work problems, tell me something nice that is going on in your life. Any new cute customers I should know about?”

His friend exhaled loudly and dramatically before taking a sip of his own cocktail, getting momentarily distracted while playing with the big bow on Seonghwa’s black sheer shirt in the most Yeosang-like way possible before replying.

“Not much else to say about my life right now, it’s the same old,” said his friend finally with a shrug. “Although I am indeed crushing extra hard on a semi-regular, but that’s also the norm for me.”

“Oh, tell me about them,” said Seonghwa, resting his head on his hand while listening intently.

“I don’t even know his name. He stops by the café for a few days in a row and then disappears completely for weeks at a time,” explained Yeosang. “He seems to be from the southeastern area, but has a strong Seoul accent, so I feel like he probably doesn’t live around here and only comes occasionally for business. Tailored suits, impossibly broad shoulders, kind eye-smile, dimples. He always tries to make a bit of polite small talk while I prepare his coffee, but I’m an awkward potato who doesn’t really know how to reciprocate so that dies down quickly.”

Don’t you dare think about him, Park Seonghwa.

He had done such a good job at stopping himself from looking around by pure force of habit the moment they had walked into ARRIBA, at pretending that he didn’t get flashbacks every time he stepped into this place. 

He’d worked so hard to turn Joong into a faded memory at the back of his head, a ghost that he only dared to shamelessly bring back to life in the middle of the night when he had his hand wrapped around his dick, and yet a single mention of the capital city of their country was enough to undo all that work and make his slightly tipsy brain go back to that eventful cold night in this very same bar.

To that time when he had stepped into someone else’s skin and accidentally done something that had become one of his biggest secrets.

“Anyway, enough about me,” said Yeosang, snapping Seonghwa out of his inner thoughts. “What about you? Any good news to share?”

Well, the one-night stand that launched my extremely short career as a sex worker triggered an existential crisis that has made me reevaluate my whole life and want to become a better person, so I guess that’s a good thing.

“Not much to say either,” replied Seonghwa with a sigh before moving closer to rest his head on his friend’s shoulder. “Just work kicking my ass, but that’s what I’ve been ranting about for the last two hours, so I won’t start again.”

“Listen, I didn’t want to mention this just yet since it’s not a sure thing, but would you be interested in working with us at the cafe?” asked Yeosang while patting his head. “One of our baristas might leave soon because her boyfriend got a good job offer in Japan and they’re considering moving. Do you want me to let you know if that happens so you can apply? It’d probably only be part-time, but at least it’s better than having to deal with your boss.”

Seonghwa stood back up with a gasp, eyes fixed on his friend’s face before scooting even closer in his seat.

“Wait, are you serious? Yes! I’d take part-time if it means that I won’t have to deal with Choi. Keep me posted because I’m definitely interested,” he exclaimed before wrapping his arms around him to hug tightly. “Thank you, Yeosang.”

“Of course. Our manager is awesome, I think you’d love him,” replied his friend as he returned the embrace with the same intensity. “I will make sure to put in a good word for you if she ends up leaving, which I think she’ll probably do because it’s a great opportunity.”

Seonghwa let out a happy sound and gave him a quick peck on his cheek before giving him another hug.

“Ew,” said Yeosang, playfully pushing him away before grabbing the bag he had set on the floor by the chair when they sat down. “Enough work talk, we keep going back to it and this is supposed to be a celebration. I have to leave very soon, so let’s move onto the presents!”

“You really didn’t have to,” said Seonghwa while reaching out to grab it hesitantly. “The drinks and the quality time are more than enough.”

“Just open it.”

He snorted and reached inside the bag to grab the box sitting there, removing the top part to find a familiar shiny bracelet inside.

“Oh my God, Yeosang! It’s the bracelet!” exclaimed Seonghwa excitedly as he lifted the piece of jewelry to get a closer look. “Can you help me put it on?”

His friend laughed softly and wrapped the gift around his wrist before closing the clasp, giggling when Seonghwa lifted his hand in the air to watch the dim lights of the bar reflecting on it.

“Now you can stop stealing mine at every chance you get.”

“I don’t steal it, I borrow it,” he said before giving him another tight hug and kiss on the cheek. “Thank you. I love it.”

“What’s with you tonight? You’re all over me,” replied Yeosang, even though he returned the embrace just as enthusiastically. “We need to find you a cute guy so you can be all over him instead.”

“I’m always all over you,” answered Seonghwa as he moved back onto his seat and continued to happily stare at his new bracelet. “And I’m not interested in cute guys right now, thank you very much. I’m in my ‘Celibacy Era’, and quite happy about it.”

“You know what? I can’t even argue with that. Men do suck,” said Yeosang before checking his watch as he took another sip of drink. “Ah, shit. I’m sorry, but I really need to leave once we’re done with this round. It’s getting late and I’m in charge of opening the café tomorrow. Well, in a few hours, actually.”

“No, that’s fine. The drinks were quite strong and I’m starting to feel it, so I think it’s definitely time to leave,” replied Seonghwa while downing the rest of his martini. “Let me go to the restroom and then we can leave.”

“Sure, I’ll go grab our jackets in the meantime,” added Yeosang as he stood up. “I’ll wait for you outside.”

Seonghwa nodded and got up as well before they headed in different directions so he could approached the short line to the bathroom, where he immediately took his phone out to mindlessly scroll while pretending he hadn’t noticed the way the guy standing in front of him was trying to get his attention.

The growing tipsy haze was making him feel warm and sleepy, and he really didn’t feel like dealing with pushy men right now: he just wanted to go home, touch himself a little to get rid of the buzzed horniness, and hopefully fall asleep before 2AM.

That was the goal he kept thinking about while lazily fixing his hair and make-up in the mirror after washing his hands, and it continued to follow him as he walked out of the restroom and beelined straight towards the exit.

Seonghwa was so focused on the mission of getting home as quickly as possible that he could only yelp loudly and almost jump out of his skin the moment a figure basically materialized right in front of him, successfully intercepting him and making him come to a stop in his shock.

Shock that only grew bigger when he recognized the familiar face in front of him.

“Joong,” he said, because that was all he could muster in his surprise.

“Hwa! How are you? I’m so sorry for the ambush. I didn’t mean to scare you, I just wanted to come and say hi before you left. I saw you sitting at the bar when I walked in, but you had company and I didn’t want to intrude,” said the other man in a rush before grimacing. “And now that I’m saying that out loud, I’m realizing that’s probably a very weird thing to do in our situation? I guess I’m supposed to pretend I don’t know you when you’re with another client, right? I don’t know what’s the correct etiquette in these cases.”

Seonghwa blinked as his tipsy brain struggled to absorb the whiplash it had just experienced, feeling completely unprepared to deal with this unexpected situation.

“It’s fine,” he could hear himself say over the sudden white noise that had taken over his ears. “You…you’re back.”

“Ah, yeah. I arrived a few days ago. I was free tonight and figured I might find you here,” replied Joong with an awkward laugh. “And, well, here you are indeed!”

Seonghwa had spent the last two months telling himself that he’d never get the chance to see this man again, and yet there he was: standing in the flesh right in front of him, with the same flustered expression on his face and the same nervous determination in his eyes, looking even more handsome than he had the day they met.

“Look, I know you’re on your way out and I don’t want to take too much of your time, so I’m just going to say it. I’m fully aware that this is going to sound incredibly entitled and rude, but I also know I’d deeply regret it if I don’t even try,” added Joong before making a brief pause to take a visible deep breath. “I know you’re here with that man and I really shouldn’t be doing this, I just really need you to know that I…I’m willing to pay double if you leave this place with me instead of him.”

Seonghwa had spent hours imagining how a potential reunion with this man would go if they ever met again by chance, thinking about what he’d do and say to make the weird weight in his chest feel lighter, but none of those scenarios had featured a Joong offering an even more exorbitant amount of money to spend the night with him all over again.

“I know this is probably not how this works and I missed my chance, but I just wanted to put the offer out there.”

This isn’t fair.

Seonghwa wasn’t ready for this, he wasn't supposed to be put in this situation for a second time after he’d worked so hard to get over all the feelings their one night together had awoken in him.

He had put so much effort into erasing the painful guilt that consumed him every time he thought about the fact that he had looked at Joong in the eye and lied to him, pretending to be someone he wasn’t just to share an incredibly vulnerable moment with him and then unintentionally take his money.

He had put so much effort into forgetting all the other overwhelming feelings that threatened to drown him every time the memories of that night came back to him, into not getting attached to the ghost of this man and the addictive nature of the way he had treated Seonghwa.

He knew that the universe was probably giving him a second chance to confess what he’d done and offer to somehow give the money he had already spent back. He knew that he should come clean, even if that meant that all he would get in return for that honesty was a mix of disappointment, embarrassment, and anger clouding Joong’s eyes.

He knew he should do now what he should have done the day they met, but…

He was hit with the desperate urge to say ‘yes’ for the second time and leave everything behind once more to get lost in the freedom of being someone else for one more night, another moment frozen in time where Seonghwa could simply forget all about his worries and indulge in the mind-numbing pleasure of their bodies coming together and the comfortable (but electric) chemistry he had found in their first time together.

There was only one valid and moral answer to this conundrum, and the alternative was so obviously wrong that he shouldn’t even be considering it in the first place.

Seonghwa was fully aware that he was setting himself up for failure and that he’d just end up feeling alone and guilty and used once again, and yet he couldn’t bring himself to stop the single word that came out of his mouth with so much calm confidence and conviction that he almost couldn’t even believe it was coming from him.

“Deal.”

Chapter Text

“Oh, shit. R-really?”

Seonghwa snorted, trying to ignore the fluttering feeling that was pushing through the anxiety in his stomach as he stared at the look of nervous determination he’d come to associate with this man by now.

“Yes, really,” he replied while pointing to the exit, proud to notice that he sounded a lot more composed and well-put together than he actually felt. “Shall we?”

Joong simply stood there for a brief moment before nodding excitedly and moving to walk beside him as they headed together towards the exit, all traces of the previous sleepiness Seonghwa had felt disappearing completely while he racked his brain for the best strategy to deal with this unexpected turn of events.

Yeosang was waiting by the closest taxi stand when they walked out of the bar, his back turned towards them as he typed on his phone with some difficulty while holding both the empty bag that had been carrying his gift and the extra jacket.

“Wait for me here, I’ll be back in a minute,” stated Seonghwa while pointing at his ‘client’. “I need to go talk to him first.”

“Sure, yeah,” replied Joong while he fidgeted nervously with his glasses. “Do you, ah, do you want me to come with you just in case he doesn’t take it well?”

As cute as always.

“He won’t, don’t worry. I know him pretty well,” he explained with a fond chuckle. “Just give me a moment.”

Joong simply nodded in response and Seonghwa turned around to head towards his friend, taking the deepest of breaths the moment he was facing away from the man in order to mentally prepare himself for what he knew was going to be a potentially awkward conversation.

“Hey,” said Yeosang with a smile the moment he noticed his presence next to him, quickly putting his phone into his pocket before handing him his jacket. “I already ordered the cab, it’ll be here soon.”

“Actually, I…” he replied, trying to channel the fake confidence of the persona he was pretending to be right now. “I’m leaving with someone else. You can go ahead without me.”

His friend frowned and looked behind them when Seonghwa not-so-subtly pointed in Joong’s direction with his head, giving the stranger a very obvious once-over before staring back at him with an even more confused look on his face.

“What? Who the hell is that?!” asked Yeosang, mouth open in disbelief. “You were in there for, like, ten minutes! Damn, Seonghwa. You surely work fast for someone who is supposed to be celibate.”

“Ugh, can we not do this right now? Listen, I know this is a really bad look after everything I just said at the bar, but I already know this guy! We’ve hooked up before. I wasn’t expecting to run into him again today, but, well…”

Yeosang snorted. “You? Hooking up with a twink?”

“He’s not…” started to say Seonghwa before he stopped himself with an exasperated eye-roll. “I know, okay? Can we, please, just postpone the clowning and not do this here? I promise I’ll let you tease me all you want later if you just let it go now.”

“I’m not clowning you! But you have to admit that the situation is kind of funny. All that deep talk about being done with men, just to completely abandon me mere minutes later for a guy who is very much not your usual type.”

“He…I…” muttered Seonghwa with a pout. “It’s complicated.”

There was no way to tone down all the context (and the emotions) he had for this particular man without sounding weird or delusional, especially not right now when he was still trying to recover from the shock of seeing Joong again.

“Anyway, I’m sorry. I’m not saying he’s not handsome, because he is, it’s just that I didn’t see any of this coming,” added his friend with a chuckle while giving Joong another direct look. “He must be a fantastic lay for you to do such a sudden 180, so I guess I’ll let it slide for now. We’re technically celebrating your birthday here, so I guess you do deserve some celebratory dick.”

“Thank you so much, Yeosang,” said Seonghwa with a relieved laugh before hugging him tightly. “Can I ask another favor? Can you cover for me and tell the guys I’m staying with you tonight if they ask? I don’t want them to tease me about this too…”

“Okay, but you owe me big time.”

He nodded enthusiastically as he allowed the embrace to linger for a bit longer, practically feeling Joong’s stare piercing the back of his head the whole time it lasted, before finally moving back to put some distance between them when he noticed the cab coming to a stop at the stand.

“I promise I’ll make it up to you,” stated Seonghwa before giving his friend a quick peck on his cheek. “Thank you. For this and for the drinks and the present too. I had a great time.”

“Of course. I’m glad you enjoyed it, I had fun too,” replied Yeosang, walking over to the car and pausing after he opened the door to send one last grin his way. “Enjoy the rest of your night. Use protection.”

He laughed. “Always.”

He continued waving as the cab took off before finally turning around to look at Joong, who was staring at him intently with a subtle smirk on his face that only seemed to grow bigger as Seonghwa walked over to him while putting his jacket on.

“He took it much better than I expected, considering the circumstances. I guess I can see what you were saying, though, you two seem…” said Joong, making a pause to try to find the right words. “Very close. I apologize for ruining your original plans, I hope this won’t cause any issues between you.”

Seonghwa scoffed at the complete lack of real remorse behind his words and the very obvious smugness shining through the fake politeness.

“You don’t look very apologetic,” he pointed out.

“Fine. You got me there, I was just trying to be nice,” replied Joong easily with a shrug. “The truth is that I’m not sorry at all. It’s not my fault that he couldn’t match my offer.”

Seonghwa laughed lightly, the subtle fluttering sensation he’d been feeling intensifying to take over his whole stomach as the playful smirk on the man’s face grew bigger the more they spoke.

There was still an aura of nervousness surrounding Joong as he talked, but he looked a lot less twitchy and more confident than he had been back when they met, and Seonghwa wondered for a brief second if this was just another one of the many dreams he’d had about this man since that day.

He’d spent the last two months telling himself he had mentally hyped their chemistry so much that he had distorted reality in his own head, but in the span of a few minutes Joong had managed to make him revert back to the unrecognizable giddy mess he had become the last time they saw each other.

Oh God, this is such a bad idea.

“I told you he wouldn't mind, he’s a great guy. Very laid-back and understanding. We’ve known each other for a while,” he explained calmly as he finished buttoning up his jacket. “And I just had to promise that I’d just make it up to him some other time, anyway.”

Seonghwa had to hold back his own shit-eating grin as Joong’s smirk faltered slightly when he replied with the same matching teasing tone, something that made them both fall silent for an awkward moment before they both laughed.

“Ah, of course. I wouldn’t expect anything else from a professional such as yourself.”

He could feel the now familiar guilt in his chest grow bigger at the obvious reminder that he was continuing the lie that had haunted him for weeks all over again, but that weight wasn’t heavy enough to fully override the excited anticipation of what he knew was about to come.

It wasn’t like making the same selfish decision twice would really change that much in the grand scheme of things anyway, at least Future Seonghwa would be prepared to deal with all the conflicting feelings that would come later because he knew what to expect this time around.

All that mattered to him right now was the more pressing need to find out if their second time together would live up to the heated memories he had been masturbating to since that day.

“Shall we go inside?” he asked while pointing to the love motel, trying to sound casual and not as eager as he felt.

“Actually,” said Joong, fidgeting hesitantly as the nervousness struck back. “Would you mind going to a different place? You were about to grab a taxi with that guy so I assume that’s allowed?”

“Huh, sure. Whatever you prefer. What’s wrong? Is this lowly love hotel not up to your standards, young master?” he replied jokingly, which made the other man immediately get flustered and laugh.

“There’s nothing wrong with this place, but I’d rather go back to the hotel where I’m currently staying. If that’s okay with you.”

“Yeah, that’s fine with me,” said Seonghwa, feeling stupidly shy at the idea of being inside this man’s temporary home. “We have to stop by a convenience store first to buy the stuff we need, though. My, huh, the client I was meeting takes care of everything so I don’t have anything on me today, and I assume your hotel is not the kind of place that provides that sort of thing.”

More like I wasn’t expecting to fuck anyone today, and yet here I am pretending to be a hooker all over again in order to make that happen.

“I-I already have everything we might need back at the hotel.”

Seonghwa blinked in surprise, unsure of how to feel about that unexpected bit of information.

“You weren’t joking when you said you came to ARRIBA looking for me, huh?” he teased, trying to sound like he didn’t care about the answer as much as he actually did.

“I really wasn’t. I’ve been coming to the bar every day since I arrived in Busan, hoping to find you here,” replied Joong, completely serious and without a hint of playfulness in his voice. “That’s why I simply couldn’t let you get away without at least giving it a try, even if I had to make myself look like a fool once more.”

“Oh.”

He’d wanted to create a domino effect on this man the night they met that would end up with him feeling more comfortable and confident in himself, and Seonghwa couldn’t help but feel like perhaps he had succeeded in that mission – which probably shouldn’t make him feel as stupidly proud as it did, considering what he’d done to make it happen.

“Yeah…” added Joong before snorting. “What can I say? You made an impression.”

So did you, trust me.

They silently stared at each other for another charged moment, both of them feeling the air shifting when it got more electric at the implied meaning behind his words.

“Take me back to your hotel room,” said Seonghwa suddenly, words coming out embarrassingly sultry and breathless.

He had loved the way the light banter had clearly made them both feel more relaxed, but right now all he really wanted to do was find an empty room where he could get this man naked and on top of him.

Joong laughed just as breathlessly in response, eyes growing even darker as he swallowed before he nodded. 

“Let’s go.”

–

None of them bothered saying another word after that, tension getting even thicker after they got inside the cab they had hailed as it conveniently passed by the deserted taxi stand.

Seonghwa had used the momentary distraction of Joong talking to the driver to send a quick text to Wooyoung, telling his friend that he was sleeping over at Yeosang’s and smiling when he immediately got a reply in the form of several middle-finger emojis as his roommate accused him of leaving him alone when Yunho wasn’t even around to keep him company. 

That brief break didn’t really help ease the charged silence as it continued to stretch after the car took off to their destination, making them both scoot closer to the windows at the same time to put more distance between their bodies, trying to avoid giving into the growing sexual tension that had been pulling them closer in the small space. 

The air felt charged and heavy, but it still held some of that comfortable feeling that always seemed to accompany Joong’s presence, so the only noticeable awkwardness in the car came from the front seat where the driver was blatantly keeping an eye on them – probably to make sure they wouldn’t defile his car, which Seonghwa couldn’t really blame him for.

He knew he should probably feel guilty for lying to his friends so shamelessly, on top of the rest of the other reprehensible decisions he’d made tonight, but he couldn’t even bring himself to care about that as arousal grew hotter in his abdomen by the second.

Just as he couldn't bring himself to hold back the shocked gasp that came out of his mouth when they came to a stop in front of the SIGNIEL, the shock only growing bigger as he walked out of the car to follow its majestic height with his eyes.

Seonghwa had seen this impressive hotel from every possible angle throughout his life while walking around Haeundae Beach, but this was the first time he had actually stood right in front of its tall glass doors.

“Come on,” said Joong, gently pressing a hand to the small of his back to guide him towards the entrance with the same poorly concealed eagerness he felt.

He knew he should probably pretend that he was familiar with luxury hotels such as this one, considering he was supposed to be some sort of ‘expensive escort’, and yet he couldn’t stop ogling at the fancy interior design as they walked through the lobby.

“Good evening, Mr. Kim,” said the bellboy the moment they reached the elevators, pressing the ‘up’ button next to the silver doors before looking briefly at Seonghwa and bowing politely for a second time. “Good evening, sir.”

He returned the gesture awkwardly, suddenly feeling hyper aware of how incredibly out of place he must look while standing in this fancy hotel lobby dressed up in skin-tight leather pants and worn jacket, next to a man who was apparently important enough to be personally known by the staff of one the most luxurious hotels in Busan.

He knew that he most definitely looked like the prostitute he was supposed to be, but Joong didn’t seem to care that everyone who looked their way would be able to predict exactly what they were going to do inside that room, he simply kept his hand on Seonghwa's waist despite the aura of slight awkwardness and tension that radiated from him - and he felt stupidly flustered by the clear possessiveness and smugness in the gesture.

One of the few things he knew about Joong was that the man had struggled with his own sexuality well into his mid-twenties, and yet here he was practically showing him off in front of random people who would immediately recognize what was the true nature of their dynamic.

“Thank you, Jiwoon. Have a good night.”

The elevator was peacefully empty when it stopped in front of them, and Seonghwa could feel his whole body relax when the doors closed behind them after they walked in, freeing him from the almost physical touch of what had felt like dozens of eyes pointed at him.

“Mr. Kim,” he said playfully after they started moving. “Should I call you that from now on?”

“Ew, no,” replied Joong with a laugh before grimacing. “Don't do that, please.”

He giggled too before they fell back into the charged comfortable silence that had been following them all night, question after question piling up on his tongue as Seonghwa subtly stared at the beautiful profile of his mysterious companion for the rest of the ride.

The hallway was just as empty while they headed towards the room, and he could vaguely feel his lips parting in shock again when they walked through the door and into the living room area of what was obviously an extremely expensive suite with a front-seat view of the Haeundae sea.

“Huh, please take a seat,” said Joong awkwardly while pointing to the couch. “Would you like some wine?”

Seonghwa knew he should probably decline that offer considering he already had a couple of drinks at the bar and wanted to keep a clear mind during the whole interaction this time around, but he felt so weirdly nervous that he could only nod in response as he continued to admire the way the sea reflected the bright moonlight through the massive floor-to-ceiling windows.

The silence got slightly uncomfortable for the first time that night after Joong poured the red wine in the glasses after sitting down, and Seonghwa took in a subtle deep breath before drinking some of it to try to reconnect with that confident persona he had managed to tune into last time.

“So,” said Joong suddenly before he himself could muster the courage to break the silence himself. “I’m guessing the rules are the same ones?” 

“Yes,” he replied, feeling a bit more grounded as the conversation moved to a somewhat familiar territory where he had control over the situation. “Same rules, same system.”

“We never really talked about the system last time, though,” added Joong before scratching the back of his neck nervously. “I apologize for leaving like that, by the way. I felt terrible when I finally realized that I had run away like a coward while you were asleep, but I woke up sober and late to catch my train and I-I’ll admit I freaked out a little bit. So, yeah, I’m very sorry for dipping out like that without making sure you had everything you needed from me. I hope the tip I left was enough to make up for any potential inconvenience.”

Seonghwa could feel the ghost of the heavy weight that had sat on his chest after he had woken up alone in that room, with only the scent of sex lingering in the air and the pile of cash keeping him company, but he brushed it off with what he hoped was a casual nonchalant hand gesture.

“It’s okay, there was nothing else to discuss. And there’s no need to apologize either, it was actually my fault. I’m usually the one who leaves first and I never meant to fall asleep, so I’m sorry for making things uncomfortable for you too,” he explained, feeling his tongue getting looser as the awkwardness started to dissipate. “And thank you for the tip, you really didn’t need to.”

“No need to apologize, you seemed tired so I’m glad you could get some extra sleep,” replied Joong with a soft smile before taking another sip of wine. “And of course I had to leave a tip. I know I already told you this, but that night surpassed all my wildest expectations. I honestly expected it to be super embarrassing and impersonal considering the circumstances, but you never made me feel uncomfortable or judged for my lack of experience or …stamina, I guess. It was a great experience that I can look back to fondly, and I can’t thank you enough for that.”

“I look back at it with fondness too,” blurted out Seonghwa, feeling surprisingly overwhelmed by how honest his own words were despite the complex emotions that always came up with those memories. “And the comfortable aura wasn’t all my own doing, you made it very easy and pleasant for me too. You were a fantastic partner, I truly mean it.”

The man’s shy smile grew even wider at his reply, and they both fell silent again as they quietly sipped on their wine while the tension between them went back to feeling more electric than tense after they got that very much needed conversation out of the way.

“Okay, then l-let me go fetch the money before we start,” said Joong before downing the rest of the wine and getting up while rubbing his hands on his own thighs nervously. “So, ah, four million is enough to make up for the inconvenience I caused, right?”

Seonhwa finished the rest of his wine too, feeling the warm fuzzy sensation in his abdomen spreading quickly when he looked up at his companion with hooded eyes.

Showtime.

“There’s no need for any of that, the price is still two million.”

“But…” replied Joong with a frown. “I thought the deal was to double it, since you had to turn that other guy down because of me and everything. I wouldn’t have offered it in the first place if I wasn’t ready to fulfill my part of the deal, no need to worry.”

“It’s fine,” replied Seonghwa before getting up to stand right in front of him too, looking into his eyes with determination. “Two million is still double the amount I usually ask for. The usual rate is one million, but I charge double to first-time clients.”

He had no idea where all that bullshit was coming from, but he wasn’t even surprised at this point by how confident and natural he seemed to sound as the lies left his lips.

Seonghwa was fully prepared to embrace the transactional aspect of the situation this time around and wasn’t going to make a big deal out of taking the money, but he simply refused to take four-fucking-million won in exchange for sex he was desperately eager to engage in anyway.

“Oh, okay. I mean, if you’re really sure…”

Joong stared at him for a moment longer, eyes studying his face with so much inquisitive intent that Seonghwa had to actively fight against the instinct of looking away just to get away from it.

“Very sure,” replied Seonghwa. “Same system, same rules, same price.”

The other man nodded silently, choosing to drop whatever he clearly wanted to add to the conversation as the calm confidence he’d portrayed during their conversation slipped away once again.

“Why don’t you lead me to wherever the bathroom is?” he added immediately, trying to stop his companion from spiraling into becoming Awkward Guy all over again while he moved closer with what he hoped were calm but seductive movements.

Joong chuckled at that and seemed to relax a bit as he walked the short distance that separated them to stand right in front of him, where Seonghwa gently took the man’s glasses away in preparation of what was obviously about to come, just to be stopped by a sudden tight grip on his waist before he managed to turn around to put them away safely.

He felt the familiar explosion of sensations the moment their lips met after Joong pressed him against his body, and his free hand immediately moved up to grab a handful of the man’s dark hair to ground himself while they kissed with the same hungry intensity he’d been dreaming about for two months.

Seonghwa had been telling himself that having this man’s hands and mouth on him couldn’t possibly feel as good as he remembered, but he was suddenly hit with the confirmation that it really hadn’t just been his imagination when Joong’s tongue sneaked past his lips to caress his own.

He had felt perfectly satisfied with the sexual release he had gotten from his own hand, his toys, and his heated imagination over the last few weeks, and yet he felt so incredibly turned on by a couple of kisses right now that it almost felt like he hadn’t been touched in years.

Seonghwa had been so focused on all the points were their bodies were rubbing against each other that he didn’t even notice that he was being undressed, pitiful whine escaping his mouth when cool air hit his tingly wet lips as Joong moved back just long enough to pull both of their shirts over their heads with a breathless laugh before going back to kissing him.

He used the newly uncovered nudity to run his hands over the man’s defined chest, moaning softly while his fingers dug into the muscle of his pecs the way he had done in his dreams dozens of times by now.

“I missed these so much,” mumbled Seonghwa.

He sounded drunk even to his own ears, speech slurred as his dizzy brain struggled to focus on anything other than the waves of pleasant warmth rushing through his body – and the most embarrassing part was that he couldn’t tell if it was because of the alcohol he’d drank or because of the high that came from having this man’s naked skin under his hands once again.

Joong snorted, hands moving up from Seonghwa’s waist to also grab a handful of his chest before rubbing his thumbs against both nipples at the same time. 

“I missed yours too.”

He giggled in response, but the sound quickly turned into a moan when he felt the sensitive nubs hardening under the man's fingertips as Seonghwa’s hands went straight to undo Joong's belt without any performative finesse before their mouths clashed together once more.

They finished undressing without breaking the kiss, awkwardly bending and dancing around to take their pants and underwear off before he grabbed his companion's meaty ass to close the already small gap between their hips.

“I also missed this,” he said with a smirk before landing a light playful slap on his right cheek.

“Fuck,” added Joong breathlessly while pressing his half-hard dick on his thigh. “Trust me, I definitely missed yours as well. So, so much. It haunts my dreams.”

Seonghwa barely managed to let out another short giggle before his mouth was occupied once again, feeling lightheaded by both the electric touch and intoxicating giddiness that came from the candid confession that confirmed he hadn’t been the only one deeply affected by that night.

It was hard to remember the grief that had come from that day when his mind felt so deliciously numb to everything but the way the desperate touches were making his very nerves sing as they got lost in their passionate bubble, nothing else seemed to matter when their bodies were too busy seeking each other to overthink their situation - when they were just two men indulging in their most basic desires without worrying about the labels they were supposed to have attached to them.

It was like the world didn’t even exist out there when they were naked and pressed against each other.

“Bathroom,” he whispered against Joong’s lips, who immediately started to gently push him backwards so he could blindly guide him in the right direction without breaking the kiss.

Their wash was reminiscent of the previous one: quick and messy and constantly interrupted by greedy hands, the same ones that slid smoothly over Seonghwa’s wet skin with familiar desperation as they made out amidst the steam that was starting to fill the wide shower space.

The same familiar desperation that he could see shining in Joong’s dark eyes when he grabbed the damp towels Seonghwa had been trying to collect to drop them on the floor, instead pushing him outside the bathroom once again with his mouth firmly locked with his while he guided them both to the bedroom.

“Wait,” he said as he struggled to keep his balance while walking backwards with another man basically attached to him. “We made a mess last time, we need towe—”

“We’ll clean it later.”

He could only giggle in response when Joong manhandled Seonghwa to lie on his back on the bed, all the careful and nervous gentleness gone as he immediately situated himself over him on all fours before going straight to press his mouth on his neck.

“As eager as the first time,” he said teasingly as he tipped his head back to give the other man more room to work with, a soft gasp leaving his lips when he felt teeth sinking in a sensitive spot. 

“Sorry,” replied Joong shyly before resting his forehead on Seonghwa’s shoulder and taking a deep breath to try to recenter himself. “I-I’ve spent the last two months fantasizing about doing this again. I promise I’ll try to get a better grip on myself today.”

“Don’t apologize, and don’t hold back either. You should know by now that I like you turned on and eager,” explained Seonghwa as he pushed his fingers in the man’s hair and used the grip there to guide his mouth towards his nipple.

“Yeah, I’m starting to realize that.”

He let out a breathless gasp when Joong immediately followed the silent instruction and attached his teeth around the nub, biting down a bit too hard and making Seonghwa arch his back as the mix of pain and pleasure traveled down his spine.

Something in the air felt different this time around, and he was having trouble trying to slip back into the leading role he was supposed to play as Joong somewhat clumsily dragged his mouth down his chest while his hand wrapped around Seonghwa’s half-hard dick to slowly jerk him off.

He knew he should probably flip things over and focus on Joong’s pleasure, but he could only lie there and take it as the other man touched and kissed to his heart’s content, while he allowed himself to simply enjoy the warm sparks traveling under his skin.

He couldn’t even help the pathetic whine that escaped him when Joong moved away to crawl on the massive bed towards the edge to grab something from the nightstand drawer, and it was exactly the sight of that box of condoms and half-empty bottle of lube what finally made Seonghwa snap out of the silent buzz that had taken over his brain.

“So, what is it going to be today? Do you want me to suck you off?” he asked while he dragged his hand down his companion’s chest to grab his erection. “Or should we go straight to your favorite part?”

Joong’s eyelids fluttered closed for a moment as he started to slowly jerk him off, and Seonghwa could feel arousal flaring in his own abdomen at the fact that he had managed to get this man fully hard once again with barely any action from his part.

“Actually, huh, there’s something else I really want to try first. If you don’t mind, obviously,” said Joong after grabbing Seonghwa’s hand to make him stop and taking a visible deep breath before continuing. “I was too overwhelmed to properly bring it up last time, but I’ve been thinking about it since that day. Obsessively.”

“Of course,” added Seonghwa immediately, feeling his excitement grow as he stared into the raw desire shining in the man’s eyes. “We can do whatever you want. What is it?”

“I-I’d like to finger you,” replied Joong, sounding surprisingly determined despite the initial stutter.

He giggled. “You’re really into anal, aren't you?”

“Nevermind. I’m sorry. We actually don’t have to, I’d be happy with whatever you want to do.”

“I was just pointing it out, Joong. Stop apologizing for having normal human desires, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it. I told you last time: I’m also into it, and I wouldn’t hesitate to speak up if I don’t want to do something anyway,” explained Seonghwa as softly but firmly as he could. “So, how did you visualize this in those fantasies? Do you want me to turn around?”

“N-no, I’d like to see your face while I do it. If that’s okay with you.”

He wordlessly laid on his back again and seductively spread his thighs, just enough to taunt Joong, who exhaled heavily before grabbing his legs to push them open wider and sit between them.

“Suit yourself,” said Seonghwa, bringing his knees towards his chest to expose himself completely. “I’m all yours to play with.”

“Fuck, you’re so hot,” replied Joong under his breath, looking down at his crotch like he was afraid to touch him. “I’m probably going to need some guidance.”

“It’s very easy, you just make sure they’re all nice and wet first,” explained Seonghwa before grabbing the man’s hand and taking his middle and index finger into his mouth, much to his own surprise.

He would usually avoid this type of desperate behavior, since it used to be followed by the echo of Junhyung’s unkind laughter and the sharp feeling of humiliation that came with it, but this time he couldn’t stop himself from putting on a show while he coated the digits with saliva as he stared at the naked excitement coming from his current partner.

Joong groaned the moment his tongue made contact with the skin, eyes immediately falling to Seonghwa’s lips to see his fingers disappear into his mouth with so much passion shining in them that there wasn’t really any room for any potential embarrassment.

All he could feel at the sight of the raw desire on the man’s face was an unadulterated mix of arousal and power.

The knowledge that he had Joong, someone who was so far away from him in the social hierarchy that he might as well be on a whole different planet, completely wrapped around his little finger was making him feel so high that he couldn’t even think.

“There,” added Seonghwa, giving the digits one last lick before bringing the hand down to drop it on his hip. “All ready now.”

He fell back on the bed and grabbed the pillow under his head to brace himself for what was about to come – but, in a somewhat expected turn of events, Joong didn’t follow the obvious path towards his hole and instead rubbed his erection with his wet fingers before properly wrapping them around it.

Seonghwa moaned at the gentle touch and immediately put his own hand over the man’s fist, tightening the grip and guiding the movements on his dick.

It didn’t take long for pre-cum to start dripping down their intertwined fingers as he tried to speed the motion, failing to do so as Joong stubbornly refused to touch him faster and simply pushed his hand away to maintain the same slow rhythm.

“Please,” begged Seonghwa, instead gripping the other man’s wrist tightly in a desperate last attempt to get more friction.

He knew he sounded pathetically desperate right now, but he still held the need to hide in embarrassment back and instead kept his eyes wide open to witness the way Joong was slowly morphing into that other version of him as his inhibitions started to slip away.

The version of him that hadn’t hesitated to simply take what he wanted the last time they were together.

The version of him that had starred in most of the fantasies Seonghwa had touched himself to in the last couple of months.

Hello, there. Thank you for joining us.

Neither the breathless plea nor the tight grip on the man’s wrist did much to coax the him into moving his hand faster, all he got in acknowledgment was the sight of Joong’s smirk growing bigger and his gaze growing darker as he rubbed a particularly sensitive spot that was making Seonghwa turn into a whimpering mess.

“Can I take this off?”

He opened his eyes slowly when the hand on his dick stopped moving, completely unaware that he had even closed them in the first place, and stared back with confusion for a moment while the question pushed through the fog that was clouding his mind.

“W-what?” he asked.

“This,” explained Joong, moving his free hand to rest on the fist that Seonghwa still had firmly wrapped around the man’s wrist before moving down to brush Yeosang’s bracelet with the tip of his fingers. “Can I take it off?”

He frowned, brain still struggling to understand the question even with the added context.

“You’re making such a mess. I’m afraid it’s going to ruin such a nice and thoughtful gift.”

Seonghwa blinked slowly once again, feeling equally confused by the nonsensical explanation and the weirdly restrained tone in Joong’s voice, but not caring enough about any of it to waste any time trying to decipher what was going on in the man’s head.

“Yes,” he replied quickly, probably with way more urgency that he should have, before finally letting go of Joong’s wrist. “Whatever. Take it off. Just keep touching me, please.”

The smirk on the other man’s face grew even wider somehow as he immediately took the bracelet off, carelessly tossing it aside before pressing his slick hand on Seonghwa’s navel and chuckling when the touch made the skin shiver under his fingers.

“Please,” he begged again.

Joong ignored his plea once again in order to play around with the pre-cum that had been pooling on his belly for a moment before leaning over to press his lips against Seonghwa’s, who gladly wrapped his arms around his shoulders and returned the kiss with the same fervor.

He was so focused on the tongue in his mouth that it took him a second to notice the hand that was heading south, running across a particularly sensitive spot on his hip on its way down that triggered a shiver that quickly spread goosebumps over his body.

They broke the kiss as Joong moved back to kneel between his open legs once again, looking equal parts turned on and nervous as he poured a bit too much lube on his fingers before taking a deep breath while looking down to his ass like it was a math equation.

“No need to look so scared,” said Seonghwa, tone as comforting as he could muster in his aroused state. “Just avoid being too rough and you’ll be fine.”

Joong nodded, swallowing visibly and bringing his hand down to gently brush the delicate area under his balls with the tip of his fingers.

He took a deep breath to avoid snapping and simply yell at the other man to hurry the fuck up and closed his eyes, bringing his knees against his chest again to make it easier and telling himself to stop acting like horny teenager about to blow his load while he waited for the other man to gather his courage to touch him.

He had assumed Joong’s virginity had been the catalyst for the raw desperation Seonghwa had felt during their first time together, that he had subconsciously mirrored the emotional height of the experience, but he was starting to realize that maybe it had nothing to do with that specific detail and everything to do with this specific man.

He jumped startled the moment he finally felt wetness gently rubbing the ring of muscle, cold lube sending a surprised shock through him that made him open his eyes again to see Joong looking at his face instead of his ass, staring right into him when the tip of his index finger finally breached Seonghwa so excruciatingly slowly that he could almost feel every single millimeter of muscle stretching around it. 

He could also feel his heart speeding up inside his chest despite the calm gentleness as they made direct eye contact, coming face to face with the same familiar intensity that always manages to steal his breath every time he thinks about it.

Seonghwa had been desperately chasing after that alluring gaze for months, and yet he found himself being completely unable to withstand it now that he had it fixed on him once again.

“I know I asked you not to be too rough, but you don’t need to be this gentle either,” he added with a breathless laugh.

His voice sounded weird and shaky, filled with the weird vulnerability that came from the heaviness that was quickly growing in his chest, so Seonghwa brought his own hand between his legs to try to speed up the process – and to try to bring back the version of Joong that was too busy focusing on his own sexual gratification to look at him with that much emotion in his eyes.

He gathered some of the lube that coated the area before slipping his middle finger alongside the digit that already sat inside him, a soft broken moan filling the room at the sudden stretch.

The action made Joong finally look away from his face to focus on his ass instead, lips slightly open as the bright blush that had spread over his cheeks got darker.

“This shouldn’t be as hot as it is…”

Seonghwa snorted before releasing a sign of relief, feeling the weight on his chest get lighter now that he had those eyes away from him and focusing on the much simpler physical sensation of Joong dragging his finger along with his own as he fucked himself open.

It didn’t take long for the other man to get familiar with the angle and the motion they had established together, easily replicating it after Seonghwa took his own finger out to leave an empty space that got immediately filled again as Joong pushed a second digit inside to join the first one.

“Just like that,” he said with a sigh before falling on his back once again, opening his legs even wider to put himself fully on the man’s mercy.

Seonghwa used the temporary distraction that his ass provided to stare at Joong without being stared back, enjoying the way his dark hair was falling over his eyes, the way his chest muscles were moving under the skin with every movement of his arm, and the way his dick was standing up hard even though it hadn’t even been touched yet.

Just like he had been the first time they hooked up, Joong was all focused determination and inexperienced technique as he clumsily but enthusiastically went back and forth between scissoring his fingers and trying to caress his insides at random.

There was something incredibly attractive about the mix of nervousness and arousal on his handsome face as he fingered Seonghwa, and the combination of the alluring sight and the pleasant stretch inside him was enough to make sweat start to gather on his forehead despite the obvious lack of real skill.

He had mainly accepted the proposal to humor Joong and his fixation with anal play, but he hadn’t really expected to get more than a quick awkward stretch before moving onto the next step, so he was completely caught by surprise when a sudden explosion of electric pleasure hit him so hard that the whole room disappeared around him for a second.

His choked scream seemed to bounce on the tall glass walls that surrounded them as his back arched off the bed, legs moving up to wrap themselves around Joong’s body and hand immediately grabbing the man’s arm firmly to pin him right where he was.

“Ah! Yes. T-there.”

Seonghwa could feel his thighs shaking as the other man silently followed the demand and looked for his prostate again, fingers digging into the skin of Joong’s forearm before another hit of electric pleasure knocked him back on the bed and made a long whine escape his lips the moment he found it.

He had barely managed to get a glimpse of the growing smirk that followed the sound before everything around him became blurry, wave after wave of ecstasy washing over him while he clung weakly to the sheets under him as the other man continued to rub the bundle of nerves with surprising precision.

“Fuck, look at you,” said Joong, the amazed words pushing faintly through the white noise echoing in Seonghwa’s ears. “You’re so wet right now. You’re genuinely enjoying this, aren’t you?”

He could feel a hint of embarrassment mixing with the pleasure as the distant words made him notice the steady stream of pre-cum that was dripping down his throbbing erection, shame that only grew hotter when he realized how much of a wrecked mess he’d become during that short moment of awareness – and yet Seonghwa found himself completely unable to keep his body under control as it twisted and twitched on the bed.

He was equally unable to stop the moans and whines from escaping his mouth as his hips moved in sync with Joong’s hand, mindlessly riding the fingers that had figured out way too quickly how to put the right amount of pressure on that sensitive spot inside him.

Seonghwa loosened up the death grip he had on the sheet to bring his hand towards his hard dick, just to immediately have it pressed back on the mattress before he had the chance to grab it.

“No touching. You said you were all mine to play with, right? It’s my turn now.”

It took him a moment to process what the other man had said, and he had to use all his willpower just to find enough strength and mental clarity to give a weak nod as an answer.

“I really want to suck you off, but I’m also…” added Joong, voice deep and aroused as he awkwardly humped the thigh Seonghwa had wrapped around him. “Embarrassingly intimidated by it. Will you teach me how to do it someday?”

I’ll teach you whatever the fuck you want.

The thought appeared loud and clear in his mind for a brief second before the words quickly faded away, mouth too busy gasping for air to actually vocalize a proper reply as his body kept moving to desperately seek more pressure in that electric spot inside him.

His hips had found the right angle to make the pressure feel even more delicious, but he could barely sneak a few thrusts before the man pressed his free hand on Seonghwa’s abdomen with unexpected strength in order to pin him down and keep him immobile.

“Joong.”

He wasn’t even sure if he had wanted to ask something or if he simply wanted to hear his own voice saying the man’s name out loud, but it was like that single word had broken a dam inside him and he found himself completely unable to do anything but repeat it over and over again.

“God, you’re leaking so much. You’re really close, aren’t you? I wonder if I could make you come just from this...”

Seonghwa whined in reply, trying to convey how much he disapproved of that idea while tightening his grip on the sheets to avoid giving into the temptation of grabbing his painfully hard dick as it twitched with neglect.

He had managed to make himself come untouched while using prostate massagers a few times in the past, but it required plenty of time and overstimulation that nobody other than himself had ever really tried to indulge in, so he wasn’t completely sure he’d actually be able to do that with a partner.

The goal seemed a bit too ambitious for someone who had never even fingered anyone before, and yet the way he was clearly cataloging every minor reaction just to replicate the things that made him shake a bit harder made Seonghwa believe that it could be a very real possibility, against all odds.

“I want to fuck you so bad,” added Joong, sounding as wrecked as he felt while he continued to rub his own erection on his thigh. “You said you liked me turned on and eager, and the truth is that that’s all I can ever be in your presence. You’re so fucking hot, I can’t even think when you’re around.”

Fuck me.

Seonghwa felt tears starting to pool behind his closed eyelids, orgasm lurking so close beneath the surface that he could almost taste it as his slack mouth was still completely unable to utter anything that wasn’t the man’s nickname in a constant loop.

“Joong,” he said, trying to convey the desperate need to have some kind of pressure on his throbbing dick in that single word. “Ah, Joong.”

“No, call me Hongjoong. Do it. Please.”

His brain didn’t have time to fully grasp the meaning behind the sentence before white light flashed in his vision the moment Seonghwa finally felt a tight grip on his neglected erection, wet hand moving quickly as the other man started to jerk him off fast and hard.

The tears finally started to slide down his face as the pain that came from the rough treatment on his oversensitive dick got mixed with the electric pulses that were spreading down his spine at every brush against his prostate, sending overwhelming waves of pleasure that rushed throughout his whole body.

“Hongjoong.”

Seonghwa wasn’t completely sure he had managed to successfully say the name, because the only thing he could hear coming from him before white noise took over his ears was a loud pained whine that escaped his mouth the moment his orgasm hit him so hard that he saw literal stars flashing behind his eyelids.

He was barely aware that Joong was saying something as he continued to milk his orgasm to the point of overstimulation, but Seonghwa had lost complete control over his own self and his brain didn’t seem to be capable of properly processing what was going on around him.

It took him what seemed like an eternity to finally come down from the explosive climax, heart beating so hard in his chest that he felt like it was about to burst out of its cage, but there were fingers gently tracing random symbols on Seonghwa’s hip when he finally managed to calm down enough for the world slowly became solid around him.

A light touch that seemed to send hot sparks all over his nervous system in his current overstimulated state as he managed to gather enough strength to open his eyes, coming face to face with a sight that made shivers spread all over his skin.

Joong was lazily jerking himself off, the rhythm so slow and distracted that it almost felt like he was mindlessly doing it just to take the edge off and not with the goal to reach his own orgasm, while his right hand was spreading the drying mix of lube and cum over Seonghwa’s hip just as idly too as his fingers digged lower and lower into his inner thigh with every stroke.

And yet, none of those things were the reason behind his shivers.

None of those things had made his chest get heavier with the weight of all the confusing feelings he couldn’t name – it was, as it always seemed to be, having Joong’s intense eyes staring right into his very soul.

No, not Joong. Hongjoong. His name is Hongjoong.

Seonghwa felt like he should be used to being on the receiving end of all that passion by now, but he still felt like was drowning as he looked back into the raw arousal and fascination that was shining through the man’s blown pupils.

“So, how was it?” he asked hoarsely before he cleared his throat in an attempt to sound less breathless. “Did reality live up to all those fantasies?”

His lighthearted question seemed to finally make the man snap out of the trance he was trapped in, but he still didn’t reply straight as he simply ran his eyes down Seonghwa’s body slowly before focusing on his face again, a hint of smugness spilling into the already paralyzing look in his eyes and making the corner of his lip twitch in a sharp smile.

“It completely exceeded all expectations, as always. It was so fucking hot, you were so…” replied Hongjoong before he stopped himself, all that dark intensity fading away as quickly as his smirk did when he seemed to fully absorb what had just happened. “Are you okay, though? I’m so sorry, you were clearly overwhelmed and I shouldn’t ha—”

Seonghwa hadn’t even noticed that he was moving until their mouths clashed together painfully hard, lips and teeth parting to let their tongues touch while he pushed the hand wrapped around the man’s dick out of the way to replace it with his own.

He set a fast pace as he jerked him off, quickly spreading the pre-cum that had started to flow to ease the dry drag of skin on skin when Hongjoong started to frantically fuck his fist with newfound desperation, barely getting a few thrusts in before releasing a muffled high-pitched whine as he clung to his body so tightly that Seonghwa didn’t have enough room to properly milk his orgasm when he came between their abdomens.

The kiss turned into a sloppy make-out session as Hongjoong came down from his high, one that only stopped when the other man finally relaxed the grip around him to gently push his hand away from his dick with a pained gasp, bonelessly falling to his side on the bed before closing his eyes and exhaling loudly with satisfaction.

Seonghwa allowed himself a moment to stare at him before he composed himself enough to wordlessly get up and go to the bathroom, quickly cleaning himself up before grabbing a wet towel and heading back to the room to do the same with Hongjoong.

He lied down next to him once he was done, moving as close as he could while still avoiding the massive wet spot on the bed before sighing contently and letting both the smell of sex and the comfortable silence wash over him as he looked curiously around the room.

The moonlight was shining through the floor-to-ceiling walls, casting a soft glow that complemented the only lamp that was currently lighting up the spacious and elegant room, and the gorgeous view of the city lights blinking in the distance among the seemingly endless expansion of the ocean only added more magic to the sense of intimacy and seclusion.

“We made an even bigger mess this time.”

Seonghwa jumped slightly at the sudden noise, looking over to his side to find Hongjoong staring at him with a guilty look on his face.

“And whose fault is that? I told you we needed the towels,” he replied with a giggle.

“Yeah, I clearly should have listened to you, but I had other priorities in mind at the moment,” added Hongjoong bashfully before chuckling. “I promise I’ll tip the cleaners generously.” 

“I don’t know if money can fix that kind of trauma…”

They both laughed before falling into a comfortable silence again, staring into each other’s eyes with matching gentle smiles before Seonghwa caught sight of the digital clock that was blinking in single digits on the bedside table behind the man’s silhouette.

His stomach twisted with hesitation while looking at it, trying to figure out if he should simply leave before he fell asleep again or if he should just try to initiate round two just to be able to stick around for a bit longer.

“Are you hungry?” whispered Hongjoong suddenly.

Seonghwa tore his eyes away from the clock to stare at him once again, relief washing over him when he realized that the other man didn’t seem to be in a hurry to kick him out of his suite.

“Starving,” he replied, matching the same soft tone.

“The menu is right behind you, take a look and choose whatever you want. It’s mostly Western stuff, but I can vouch for the quality of everything.”

“I’ll have whatever you’re having,” said Seonghwa, not wanting to move.

“Any preference? Allergies?” asked Hongjoong while reaching for the phone beside the bed.

“I can eat anything and everything.”

“Hi, Soojin. I know it’s a bit late, but can I have one spaghetti with creamy lobster sauce and one ribeye sent to the Royal Suite as soon as possible, please? Awesome, thanks,” said Hongjoong before hanging up and looking over at him with a smirk on his face. “The perks of having 24/7 room service. Aren’t you glad that we came back to my hotel room now?”

Seonghwa scoffed before knowingly staring at him for a moment, briefly wondering if he should call him out for ordering what were probably the most expensive dishes on the whole menu before deciding to let it go.

Show off.

“So…” he said after a moment of silence. “Do you want me to call you Hongjoong now? Or should I pretend you never said that?”

The other man clearly hadn’t expected Seonghwa to bring that up, visibly tensing up and looking at him with panicked confusion for a moment before he seemed to remember that he had shared his name in the heat of the moment.

“Sorry about that, I don’t know why I felt the need to hear you say my full name. Either one is fine, whatever makes you feel more comfortable.”

He immediately sensed that there was something off about the carefully guarded tone in Hongjoong’s voice as he spoke, that he clearly had a very specific preference even if was trying to brush it off. 

He had been pretty out of it when that had come up, but he could still remember the desperation in the man’s voice: there was definitely a reason why he had wanted him to use his full name.

“Mhm, I kind of prefer Hongjoong so I think I’ll just call you that,” he said with a nonchalant shrug, pausing for a few charged seconds before adding: “My name is Seonghwa.”

The man’s eyes widened immediately, lips parting in shock as he stared at him with surprise written all over his face.

“Oh. You…you didn’t have to do that just because you know my name now. I’m fine calling you Hwa.”

“I wanted you to know,” he replied easily without breaking eye contact.

“Seonghwa,” said Hongjoong shyly. “It’s a beautiful name, it really suits you.”

Silence filled the room again, so thick with tension and the weight of their shared moment of vulnerability that he couldn't help but blurt out a recurring thought that had been floating in his mind just to try to break through it.

“You’re a really good kisser, for a former virgin.”

“I might have been a virgin when we met, but I do have some experience. Making out is as far as I was willing to go with women, but I can say I’ve done that much at least,” explained Hongjoong before chuckling. “Kissing you is a whole different beast, though. If I ever still had any kind of doubt about my attraction to men when we met, it flew away the moment I felt your lips on mine.”

“Happy to be of service,” he replied with an exaggerated wink.

Their light conversation hadn’t done much to lessen the thickness in the air, a nervous tension that was making Seonghwa feel so weak and vulnerable that it was kind of triggering his flight-or-fight response in a really weird way.

A response that always seemed to lead to him oversharing and blurting whatever random thought had decided to pass through his brain at that specific moment, even if it was just to fill the silence.

“You seem a lot less…” he added, trying to find the best words to express his thoughts. “Anxious than you seemed last time we met. Like, more confident in yourself. It’s a great look on you.”

“I guess that’s true. I don’t know how to explain it, but it’s like something shifted in me that night,” explained Hongjoong before grimacing. “Don’t get me wrong, I definitely went through all stages of grief once my actions finally sank in, but once I reached acceptance it was like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I still feel …ashamed sometimes. I know I have a long way to go, but I feel a lot more comfortable in my own skin now.” 

Seonghwa stayed silent, sensing that the other man was gathering the courage to continue.

“I’m gay,” said Hongjoong finally before releasing a breathless but relieved laugh. “That’s just the way I am. Nothing I can do will ever change that, and I know it very well because I tried for many years. So, fuck it. The only thing I can do now is simply embrace the fact that I’m a flaming homosexual.”

“I know this won’t mean much coming from me, but I’m proud of you,” said Seonghwa, feeling the overwhelming need to say those words.

“It does mean a lot, actually. Way more than you can imagine, probably. This is probably incredibly sad to admit, but you…” replied Hongjoong immediately, eyes glistening with repressed emotion. “You played an important role in helping me take the final step I needed in order to fully accept myself, so thank you. I genuinely appreciate it.”

A knock on the door interrupted Seonghwa before he could reply, startling them as the sound shattered the intimacy of the moment they had been sharing and making them both laugh nervously in response.

“I’ll go get that,” said Hongjoong before getting up and opening the wardrobe, putting one of the robes hanging there on and throwing a second one in his direction on his way to the door.

Seonghwa sighed, feeling like he finally had enough room to breathe now that the other man wasn’t there to steal all the air from his lungs as he put the garment on – just to gasp audibly when the soft material caressed his skin, awed by how comfortable and nice it felt considering it was a complementary hotel attire.

“How can you look this insanely hot in such a basic robe?” 

He hadn’t even noticed that Hongjoong had returned with the tray of food until the man spoke, mouthwatering delicious smell quickly filling the room and making Seonghwa’s stomach growl loudly.

“I could say the same about you,” he whispered, playfully but seductively pulling the bottom of the robe up to show more of his inner thigh and a peak of his soft dick.

“Put that away before we get sidetracked,” said Hongjoong before putting the tray on the bed. “Food first, round two later.”

Seonghwa giggled and properly covered himself up again, feeling the fluttering sensation come to life again at the knowledge that this was far from over and he could still cling to the fake persona he was pretending to be a bit longer – that he didn’t have to let go of the blissful lie they’ve created together just yet.

“It looks delicious,” he added, trying to focus on the food and not the panicked self-awareness that had started to rear its ugly head among the sea of endorphins. “Which one is yours?”

“I’ll have whichever you’re not having,” replied Hongjoong, laughing softly when Seonghwa continued to stare at both plates with a pout on his face. “Or we can share if you want to try both.”

“Yes, please,” he said, immediately grabbing the fork to stab a piece of lobster and putting it into his mouth.

They both ate in silence for a bit, the soft clinking of silver cutlery being the only sound filling the space save for the little moans Seonghwa allowed himself to release every time a new decanted and unfamiliar flavor hit his taste buds.

He knew he probably looked like an idiot right now, but as he savored each bite of creamy lobster sauce and tender ribeye as they melted in his mouth, he truly wondered if he had even eaten real food before in his life.

Rich people really live a whole different reality to us pathetic peasants.

“So,” said Hongjoong suddenly, snapping him out of his almost spiritual culinary experience. “You have recurring clients you meet regularly, right? Like the man from the bar.”

Seonghwa froze just as he was about to take another bite of ribeye, stomach flipping and anxiety piquing as the sudden question sent a rush of adrenaline through his body.

“Mhm,” he hummed, trying to stop himself from showing how much that had actually thrown him off balance.

“Would you be up to taking one more?” asked Hongjoong, voice tentative and uncertain. “I’m personally overseeing a new project in the Busan branch of the company, so I’ll be around more than usual soon, probably like once every other week or so. And, huh, I’d really like to see you whenever I’m in town. If you’re available and willing, obviously.”

Seonghwa’s heart had been racing ever since the conversation started, and yet he could almost swear that it skipped a beat the moment his brain properly registered what the other man had said – a sudden stillness in the otherwise frantic pace that left him feeling frozen and breathless, with his eyes firmly fixed on the plate and the fork hovering in front of his lips as he tried to pull himself together.

He could almost feel the weight of Hongjoong’s inquisitive stare on him while he forced himself to shake the dizziness off as elegantly as he could before releasing a thoughtful hum and slowly putting the food into his mouth, carefully trying to make the action look like a casual gesture and not the desperate attempt to buy himself some time that it truly was.

Seonghwa knew that he should reject the offer and shut this whole thing down before it got even messier than it already was, no matter how tempting it actually sounded, since the logical side of his mind was screaming at him and listing all the potential consequences of agreeing to such a tricky arrangement. 

And yet, despite the overwhelming feeling that was urging him to decline, he was completely unable to push the words out of his mouth.

He was having trouble holding onto all those perfectly sensible arguments that were quickly getting drowned by the inexplicable pull that Seonghwa always felt in Hongjoong’s presence, justifications that were easily brushed aside by the exciting curiosity that was pushing him to take the reckless choice once again, just to keep indulging in the pleasures that had been laid out right in front of him.

He was sitting on the most comfortable bed he'd ever felt, in the softest robe he'd ever worn, eating the fanciest meal he’d ever eaten, and enjoying the most stunning view of the Haeundae Beach he’d ever seen – all while buzzing with the tingly warmth and satisfaction left behind by the mind-blowing orgasm he’d just shared with the nicest guy he'd ever hooked up with.

Would it be that bad?

If he put his ego aside and discarded the muted flashes of guilt, he found himself actually struggling to find other real cons than outweighed the pros. 

Not even the random pangs of shame he’d felt after the first time he had engaged in accidental sex work had been strong enough to stop him from doing it a second time, so there was no real reason to pretend that would ever be powerful enough to keep him from doing it again. 

That ship had sailed a long time ago.

If sex really was all Seonghwa could offer to other men, if it truly was all he was actually good for, why shouldn’t he be the one benefiting from it for once? Why shouldn’t he be the one setting the boundaries and ground rules for a change?

This arrangement would draw a visible line in the sand that put them both on very specific and transparent sides, a clear limit that would prevent them from ever getting the wrong idea about their relationship.

Would it really be that bad?

Hongjoong would never have to deceive him and pretend he cared about him as a person just to fuck him, he wouldn’t have to make Seonghwa fall in love with him and then break his heart just to get recurring access to his body.

It’d be a bullshit-free business transaction: honest and straight to the point.

He would occasionally get great dick from a man he genuinely liked and was attracted to, a man who treated him nicely and was refreshingly open with his thoughts and intentions – a man who would feed him fancy delicious foods and give him thick piles of cash just to have sex with him. 

Stupidly high amounts of money that were clearly a mere drop in the vast ocean of Hongjoong’s net worth, but that would make a profound impact on Seonghwa and would change the course of his life forever.

Perhaps it was just a mix of wishful thinking and good-old excuses aimed to make himself feel better, but maybe this was actually what he needed in order to stop being a perpetual loser and get his messy life back on track.

A transparent no-strings-attached relationship with some added extra steps shared with a hot kind guy who would make all his money problems disappear in exchange for a few hours of mind-numbing pleasure and breathless giggles every other week.

Would it really be that bad?

A panicked voice at the very back of Seonghwa’s head was anxiously whispering that this had all the potential to go horribly wrong and leave him even more broken than he already was, a nagging voice that served as a persistent reminder of past hurts and future consequences, but it was so faint and easy to drown that he was really struggling to pay any real attention to it.

He had been down this road before, he knew what to expect: sooner or later, the novelty of all this passion and sexual chemistry will inevitably fade away, and the casual nature of their arrangement would make cutting things off and walking away much easier than any real relationship.

It was the perfect deal. 

All he had to do was avoid getting too emotionally involved with the man who would be paying to fuck him, which seemed easy enough because Seonghwa might be stupid enough to be enticed into actually liking Hongjoong, but at this point his damaged heart was an atrophied organ covered in open wounds and scar tissue that wouldn’t even be capable of letting him fall in love again.

He knew he might potentially be making a decision that would fuck up his life even more, because that was what he always did, but the temptation to dive headfirst into it was too difficult to resist – especially because, if he was fully honest with himself, it was a temptation he didn’t even want to resist.

Seonghwa could feel a playful smile slowly spread across his face as a sudden and strong surge of boldness hit him square in the chest, one that urged him to finally look directly into Hongjoong’s expectant gaze.

The steady eye contact only made the exciting nervousness pulse alongside the fast-paced beats of his heart, each pulse making the tension in the air turn more charged and electric while he grew more confident in his decision.

A decision that made a single word came out of his mouth, the exact same one that had entangled him in this complex mess of emotions and desires to begin with, and yet he could only feel a weird mix of relief and euphoria as he uttered the four letters that would officially push him into a point of no return.

“Deal.”

–

Getting used to being Hongjoong’s personal call boy had been scarily easy.

Seonghwa had half-expected to freak out the moment he had left the SIGNIEL with a new stack of pristine bills in his bag, just like he had last time they did this, but that moment of clarity and regret never came.

He had felt the beginnings of a mental breakdown peeking at the edge of his consciousness a few times after that, but it hadn’t taken him much effort to successfully ignore that little voice that kept telling him he was digging himself deeper into a hole that could end up burying him alive.

He'd always been a pro at pinning all his problems on Future Seonghwa, even when was fully aware that he’d inevitably become that version of himself sooner or later, but he was starting to become a true master at turning a blind eye when it came to his relationship with Hongjoong.

By the time the third ‘appointment’ under their new fixed arrangement had rolled around, he’d found that he had no issue whatsoever walking out of the cab that had been paid in advance for him and into the SIGNIEL’s lobby to greet whoever was standing on duty next to the door that night. 

Just like he had no issue whatsoever greeting Hongjoong with a kiss the moment he got into the familiar Royal Suite, or even lying naked and sweaty next to him as they ate whatever they had ordered at three in the morning while they shyly shared tidbits of information about each other with growing ease.

Seonghwa also didn’t have any issue whatsoever planning his days off at the restaurant around Hongjoong’s schedule so he could meet him whenever he was in town, or even shamelessly calling in sick and running to him the one time the man had contacted him for a last-minute booty call when he unexpectedly came to Busan for a work emergency.

He didn't even have any issues with the fact that he had officially become a sex worker, no sense of guilt or remorse in sight when he grabbed the envelopes filled with cash that had been laid out for him on the living room table before he headed out the door.

Because getting used to having access to all that money had actually been the easiest part of all.

The shame that used to flash hot inside Seonghwa’s chest every time he dug through the shoe box after their very first encounter had faded away embarrassingly quickly, leaving nothing but a muted ache in its place that had become incredibly easy to push aside whenever he pulled one those bills out of his wallet.

A muted ache that served as a silent reminder of the roles they were supposed to be portraying in a relationship that grew blurrier and blurrier for him the more they saw each other, one that was also scarily easy to ignore whenever they lied naked in comfortable silence, basking in the afterglow of their orgasms with Hongjoong’s head resting on his chest while his fingers drew random patterns on the goosebumps of Seonghwa’s skin.

He was fully aware that this thing between them was nothing more than a convenient transaction for the other man, a chance to finally indulge in the desires he had repressed for so long in a safe and comfortable environment with someone he was deeply attracted to, but Hongjoong certainly made it incredibly hard to remember sometimes when he whispered endless praises against his skin.

When he looked at Seonghwa with that playful passion in his eyes, when he touched him with so much reverence that it made him feel overwhelmed and choked up for reasons that had nothing to do with the physical sensations.

When he opened up to him in their fake intimate bubble as Hongjoong became more comfortable in his own skin, letting the walls down to allow the confident and strong-willed person he kept locked deep inside him to come out the moment they got naked.

That man was a mystery wrapped in luxury and gentle passion, and Seonghwa had to exert an embarrassing amount of effort into stopping himself from using the full name he now knew to look him up in an attempt to answer all his silent questions.

In a way, it almost felt like searching for ‘Kim Hongjoong’ online would betray the almost sacred trust behind the whispers they shared every other week, like he’d be undermining the rewarding and euphoric feeling of having this man slowly open up and willingly share small details about himself - of seeing him blossom like a flower under his hands and lips.

Seonghwa wasn’t stupid enough to believe this thing between them was anything more than sex, but he was definitely stupid enough to feel reality shattering and crumbling around him every time Hongjoong would randomly say something that reminded him that he was just a hooker, someone who had been booked in advance to get fucked in the privacy of that suite in exchange for money.

He knew he had no right to feel offended or hurt by the reminder of the real nature of their fling, considering he had voluntarily agreed to the made-up terms and conditions he himself had laid out on the table, and yet his body still had that weird knee-jerk reaction every time a candid comment about ‘his profession’ left Hongjoong’s mouth.

He would like to say that getting used to that sudden sinking feeling in his stomach had been as easy as the other aspects of their arrangement had been, but the truth was that he still needed a couple of seconds of frozen silence to kick his brain into rationalizing the situation every time the topic came up even after a month into their new fixed arrangement.

Sometimes he could almost visualize himself digging deeper into that hole, but that sinking feeling didn’t stand a chance against the instant gratification that came from locking himself inside the Royal Suite of the SIGNIEL to get lost into the addictive pleasure of becoming someone else.

Someone who was worthy enough to temporarily be the sole recipient of Hongjoong’s undivided attention and reverence.

–

He had lowkey expected reality to slap him across his face at some point down the line, but he certainly hadn’t expected things to go down in this specific way – or this early, for that matter.

From an outside perspective, Seonghwa wouldn’t say that his life had changed in any drastic way since he started to get a steady income from his ‘appointments’ with Hongjoong.

He still shared the same tiny apartment with his two roommates in the same sketchy part of town, he still worked the same shitty dead-end job, and he still drove the same shitty car. He hadn’t changed his lifestyle at all, he had simply upgraded some of his daily activities just a tiny bit, things that weren’t that noticeable unless you were actively looking for it.

He had started to splurge every now and then when it came to treating himself and his friends to food and other minor gifts, but that behavior had been easy to brush off by reusing the same lie about doing overtime at the restaurant that he had used to explain his absence whenever Hongjoong was in Busan.

The whole thing had been so easy to brush off, in fact, that he should have known it was going to come back to bite him in the ass sooner or later.

Seonghwa really should have known that lying would only take him so far when it came to his friends, and yet it still took him by complete surprise when he came back from getting all the supplies he needed to organize Yeosang’s birthday to find Wooyoung and Yunho staring at him from the couch when he walked through the door.

“This is an intervention.”

Seonghwa froze for a moment, heavy bags hanging from his hands as he tried to make sense of the situation before cursing under his breath at the solemn tone in Wooyoung’s voice.

He really should have seen this coming.

“We apologize for the ambush,” explained Yunho while pointing to the empty seat in front of them. “Why don’t you sit down so we can have a chat? We’ve tried to give you time and space to tell us what’s happening on your own terms, but it’s been months and you’ve left us no other choice.”

“And now that the pleasantries are out of the way, it’s my turn to speak,” added Wooyoung before pointing an accusatory finger at the bags Seonghwa was still holding. “Where the fuck is the money to buy all this stuff coming from, huh? Since when do you just have piles of cash casually laying around? What the hell is going on here?”

Yunho sighed. “I thought we agreed on taking a direct but gentle approach. Key on the gentle part.”

“I never agreed to such a thing,” replied Wooyoung. “That’s your style, not mine.”

“I told you. My boss has paid me for the overti—” started to say Seonghwa, still rooted to the same spot.

“I can’t believe you’re still trying to throw the same fucking lie on our faces! There’s no way an asshole like Choi has decided to properly compensate you for the work you’ve done completely out of nowhere after years of shamelessly exploiting you! Come on, how stupid do you actually think we are?” 

“Wooyoung.”

His friend stopped talking when Yunho said his name, clearly noticing that he had started to raise his voice and taking a deep breath to try to calm himself down.

“We’re just worried, Seonghwa. You went from quite literally being completely broke to being able to comfortably pay for rent and utilities, return all our friendly loans, and even treat us to food and gifts occasionally. There hasn’t been any drastic changes in your work schedule, so it’s obvious that it’s not coming from the restaurant,” explained Yunho in a serious but calmer tone. “We know it’s not really our business, but you’re straight up lying to us about it, so it's apparently something bad and sketchy enough to make you feel like you have to hide it.”

He groaned, feeling the guilt starting to eat him up from the inside as he watched the concern grow in his friends’ eyes the more they spoke.

Seonghwa really should have known that what he thought were subtle changes in his behavior would still come across as unusual and suspicious to the people who have been his main support system since he became an adult.

With a long sigh, he finally sat down in the empty seat and put the bags down, mentally preparing himself to openly face all the conflicting feelings he’d been desperately trying to run away from since he got entangled in this complicated situation with Hongjoong.

“You’re right. I confess I’ve been lying to you about the source of the money because I was just…” explained Seonghwa after a moment of charged silence. “Too ashamed to actually say it out loud, I guess. I haven’t been truthful with you and you only deserve honesty after everything you’ve done for me. I didn’t even consider that my behavior could potentially make you feel worried about me, that’s the last thing I want and I’m really sorry for that.”

Both of his friends stayed completely still and silent for a moment after he said that, clearly taken aback by the sudden honesty and the uncharacteristic lack of resistance – which Seonghwa couldn’t really blame them for, since his immediate reaction had always been to feel attacked and try to push back whenever they had conducted ‘interventions’ on him in the past.

Uncomfortable exchanges born out of worry and love that he used to see as judgements of his own character and his personal decisions, conversations-turned-screaming matches that only served to confirm his most private fears and remind him that he was making mistakes that were sabotaging his own life.

But he was working really hard to become a New Seonghwa, one that would be open with his friends and wouldn’t try to push them away whenever they tried to approach him with love and concern.

“We know that you’ve been through a lot these last few months and we’re trying to be understanding with you, but we’re worried you might have put yourself in an unnecessarily harmful situation just to get some quick cash,” said Yunho once he managed to snap out of his obvious surprise. “We trust you, but we also know that you’re incredibly stubborn and refuse to ask for help even when you really need it, especially after the whole situation with Junhyung.”

Ouch.

He had worked so incredibly hard to finally stop being a constant burden for his friends since the break-up, and yet it seemed like that was all he could ever be no matter how much he tried to escape it.

“Did you do something …illegal to get all that cash?”

Seonghwa bit his lip nervously, unsure of how to answer that question.

He had been so focused on the emotional side of the whole ordeal with Hongjoong that he hadn’t even mentally acknowledged the illegality of what he was doing until now.

“Oh. For fuck’s sake, Seonghwa,” cursed Yunho before taking a deep breath to recenter himself. “What the hell did you do? Was it a loan shark?”

He could feel the sweat gathering on the palms of his hands where they were laying on his thighs, words stuck in his throat no matter how much he tried to push them out.

“Shit, is it worse than that? Are you, like, selling drugs or something?”

“It’s sex work, isn’t it?” said Wooyoung suddenly, speaking for the first time since his initial heated outburst. “‘I was too ashamed to say it out loud’, that’s what you said. You specifically used the word shame. ”

He felt his stomach sink when he hesitantly stared back at the blank expression on his best friend’s face, carefully guarded eyes that immediately shone with hurt and disappointment the moment Seonghwa found himself unable to reply to his question straight away.

“Yeah, I figured. You’ve been doing ‘overtime’ work on a pretty fixed schedule, you know?” added Wooyoung before snorting and breaking eye contact with him. “Once every other week, always on Fridays and always at night. And you always come back home all giddy and placid the next morning, sometimes with suspicious marks all over your neck even. Ones that you hide very poorly, by the way. At first I thought you were simply seeing someone new and didn’t want to tell us about it just yet, but then I noticed your sudden increase in cash flow and it wasn’t hard to put two and two together.”

Seonghwa stared at him for a moment, carefully processing what his friend had just said before a bitter chuckle escaped him as he was hit with the sad truth. 

He had spent months thinking that he had managed to successfully conceal something that had drastically turned his world upside down in more ways than one – when in reality, his friends had simply spent this whole time pretending not to notice his pathetic attempts at hiding it.

You stupid idiot.

“It’s not…” muttered Seonghwa, finally finding the right words to reply. “It’s not that I think there’s anything shameful about doing sex work, and you know that.”

“Oh, really? Do I? Because your behavior is telling a whole different story!” replied Wooyoung.

“I’m not ashamed because I think there’s anything wrong with consensually having sex with someone in exchange for money, okay?! That’s not what I mea—”

“Let’s lower the volume and not turn this into another screaming match, shall we?” said Yunho calmly.

They continued to stare at each other in silence for a second longer before they both looked away, which allowed him to take the deep breath he needed to crush the defensiveness he could feel bubbling inside him.

You’re a New Seonghwa. Start behaving like it.

“I don’t think sex work is shameful, Wooyoung. I won’t deny that I had some conflicting feelings about it at first, but it was a very mild reaction and it didn’t last long,” explained Seonghwa slowly, trying to re-establish eye contact with his friend, even though he kept avoiding his gaze. “I’m not ashamed because of the act itself, I promise. I’m ashamed of the behavior that led me to this situation. I-I lied to him. I’m still lying to him, technically, and I’m not proud of that.”

Both of his roommates stared at him with identical looks of disbelief on their faces, as if they weren't surprised that he had somehow messed things up and made an already complicated situation even more difficult.

“Fuck, Seonghwa. What did you do?” Yunho asked.

“It was an honest misunderstanding at first, I swear! I never expected it to go this far,” Seonghwa began to explain before biting his lip nervously. “Do you, ah, remember the awkward guy we met at the bar back in February? Seoulite, rich, and painfully out of place? He was still wearing his stupidly expensive coat inside and gave you a big tip?”

Yunho seemed confused for a moment, before recognition flashed across his face.

“You've got to be kidding me…”

“Yeah, I wish, but I’m really not,” Seonghwa responded with an uncomfortable laugh.

He ended up retelling the whole story without any interruption from his friends, sharing everything from that very first misunderstanding to their current bimonthly arrangement, only leaving out the details about his abnormally intense pull towards Hongjoong – because that would just make him seem even more pathetic than he already was, and that was the last thing he needed right now. 

Admitting the weirdly deep emotions he felt would only add another layer of vulnerability to an already humiliating predicament, and Seonghwa was already struggling enough with the embarrassment of this situation: he wanted to be honest with them, but the complexity of the weird longing he felt was a secret he intended to keep hidden beneath the awkward laughter and half-hearted explanations for now.

His friends simply stared at him in disbelief once he finished talking, clearly torn between wanting to be mad at him for lying for so long and being amused by how ridiculous the situation was.

Yunho’s expression was caught between fond exasperation and barely suppressed amusement, and Wooyoung had lost some of that sharp anger in order to stare at him like he couldn’t believe he was really this dumb.

“You are so you, Seonghwa. That sounds so unbelievably stupid, and yet somehow it also sounds exactly like something you’d do,” said Yunho finally with a light laugh. “I can’t believe we were here worried sick thinking that you were doing something sketchy or dangerous, while all this time you were just being a sugar baby for an awkward rich guy.”

Wooyoung chuckled at that, and Seonghwa could feel a big chunk of the tension he’d been feeling disappear at the sight of the amused disbelief on his best friend’s face.

He had finally put the secret that had been slowly eating him up out there, and for the first time in months, he felt the weight on his chest getting lighter. In that moment, he was reminded of the fact that he’d always had their support, and that made him feel a renewed sense of hope.

No matter how foolish his actions were, his friends remained unshaken to provide him with the reassurance he desperately needed.

“I don’t think I’m a sugar baby? He just pays me a fixed amount plus tip for the sex, there are no gifts or any of that extra stuff. We never leave his hotel room,” explained Seonghwa. “And he thinks I’m a prostitute, anyway. I’ve made him believe I have other clients.”

“You do know this has the potential to explode in your face if you’re not careful, right?” asked Yunho.

“It doesn’t have to! It’s working great so far, we enjoy each other’s company and we both get what we want from this exchange. It’s a win-win situation,” said Seonghwa, repeating words he’d told himself over and over again over the last few weeks. “Besides, that’s how all the men I’ve ever dated have seen me, anyway: a whore with extra steps. The only difference is that this time I’m fully aware of it and I have control over the situation. I know my place and he knows his, there’s no room for misunderstandings.”

The immediate shift in the air was palpable as the lowkey amused aura was quickly covered by a heavy tension he was very familiar with, the pity in their friend’s eyes acting like a stark reminder of how exposed he had accidentally made himself during this whole conversation, a sadness that almost made them look like they were mourning the confidence Seonghwa knew he had lost over the years.

He had always hated that look and the way it forced him stare at his insecurities, the way it forced him to try to rebuild the walls that had accidentally crumbled around him.

“Seonghwa…” whispered Yunho, just to stop himself before he could finish whatever he was going to say.

“You might be under the illusion that you’re the one in control here, but you’re actually not. People like us? We’re never the ones in control. We’re doing something illegal that is deeply judged by society and could get us in trouble,” said Wooyoung in a calm but somber tone that sounded extremely out of place in his usual cheerful demeanor. “You’re putting yourself in a very vulnerable, and potentially dangerous, situation. Money is power, Seonghwa. Who do you think would end up with the short end of the stick if things go south, huh?”

“He’s not like that, okay? He’s actually a great guy and he treats me really well, he would never do som—” he started to say before cutting himself off.

His stomach sank the moment the strong sense of deja vu hit him hard enough to leave him breathless, the rehearsed words immediately making him recognize the familiarity of the current scene.

It wasn’t the first time Seonghwa had sat in this very room to blindly defend a man he was romantically or sexually involved with, it wasn’t the first time he’d heard himself saying that ‘it was different this time’ and he ‘knew what he was doing’ over and over again just to try to convince his friends – to try to convince himself.

“Fuck. You genuinely like him, don’t you?” added Wooyoung. “It’s the guy you told me about that day at the convenience store, isn’t it? The virgin you were hung up on.”

He sighed heavily, unsure if he’d even be able to reply to that question out loud without bursting into either tears or a hysterical laughter.

“Oh, Seonghwa. You’re putting yourself in a really messy situation…”

“I know,” he replied.

I really do. I’m just trying very hard to pretend I’m not.

“Isn’t that good, though?” asked Yunho, clearly trying to soften the heavy turn the conversation had taken. “There’s nothing wrong with getting a lot of money from a rich guy he actually likes and is having casual sex with, if everything is done consensually. Plus, I don’t remember much from our interaction, but I do recall thinking that he looked like a massive corporate closet case. It’s in his best interest to stay quiet, even if things go south.”

“The fact that he’s a sugar baby is not the problem here, him actually liking the guy is the real issue. It’s doomed to end up with him falling in love and getting his heart broken even in the best of the outcomes, and I most definitely don’t want him to go through all of that again,” explained Wooyoung.

“Maybe not? He might like Seonghwa romantically, too. Who knows, maybe this will work out just great for him and he’ll become the male Korean version of 'Pretty Woman',” said Yunho, just to have his joke be met with silence instead of laughter.

“Men like those might think they like people like us, but they don’t, they just like the illusion of us. Trust me on this one, I’ve been dealing with them for years now. He might seem perfectly harmless and a nice gentleman, but that mask will slip off the moment you accidentally shatter that fake image and disappoint him in any way,” explained Wooyoung in that same unsettling seriousness. “Even if he does fall for you and you end up in a real relationship, he will never let you forget what you truly are and what your dynamic used to be. We’re just sex workers in people’s eyes, and that’s all we’ll ever be. I’m sorry for being blunt, but it's the truth.”

His friend’s words landed heavily on him, their sting echoing the insecurities Seonghwa had been desperately trying to push out of sight and out of mind ever since he agreed to be part of this fixed arrangement with Hongjoong.

“Is that how you really feel?” asked Yunho, sounding almost hurt by the heaviness behind the words. “Of course there are assholes out there, but not every partner would look down on you just because of your job.”

Wooyoung glanced at him for a few long seconds, almost as if he had momentarily forgotten he was even there, before letting out a humorless chuckle. 

“I suppose I might be letting my own experience cloud my judgment,” admitted their friend with a tense smile. “Anyway, there’s no point in getting all worked up by imaginary outcomes right now. All I ask is for you to be careful and to put yourself first, please. No matter how much you like him or how enticing the money is, promise me you’ll get out of there and cut things off the moment you feel like you’re about to cross a line you won’t be able to come back from.”

“Thank you, Wooyoung. I promise I will,” said Seonghwa simply, unsure of what else to add in response to his friend’s rant.

The heaviness in his chest was slowly coming back with a vengeance, leaving him feeling suddenly drained and desperate to end this conversation just so he could properly catch his breath again – so he could properly think again.

Yunho's attention had shifted away from Seonghwa and now remained fixed on Wooyoung, who almost looked like he wanted to resume his lecture before he softened his expression and sighed.

“I don’t want to overwhelm you even more, so we can pick up this conversation whenever you’re ready. Just allow me to say one last thing before we move on from this: you haven’t done anything wrong and you don’t need to feel ashamed about anything you’ve done,” added Wooyoung in a gentle tone. “Just because you weren’t an actual sex worker when you first met doesn’t mean that you’re lying. Who cares if you’re massaging the truth a little bit? You’re upholding your end of the bargain and being honest about it now. You don’t owe him any explanation beyond that.”

Seonghwa didn’t know if he fully agreed with that, no matter how logical it sounded, but there was no use in dwelling on it at this point anymore because it was too late to even consider coming clean about the initial lie anyway. 

He was in too deep now, and all he could ever do was try to break things off as neatly as possible and pretend nothing had ever happened if things ever went that far. If, as Wooyoung had said, he felt himself getting closer to crossing a line he wouldn’t be able to come back from.

The only problem was that Seonghwa was starting to realize that perhaps he didn’t fully know where that line was supposed to be anymore.

–

The so-called ‘intervention’ had casted a temporary shadow in their shared apartment, creating a brief period of awkwardness that had luckily faded away quickly enough as life went back to its usual rhythm.

Wooyoung had started to watch him with a careful eye, seeming to always be ready to spring into action should Seonghwa show any sign of distress or hesitation regarding his arrangement with Hongjoong, a constant vigilance that stung more than he was willing to admit, since he never intended to reopen the old wounds he had accidentally inflicted on his friends as a result of his own unresolved traumas.

Luckily for both of them, they could always count on Yunho to smooth over any residual tension by making the occasional tasteful (and, sometimes, not so tasteful) joke about his new ‘job’ as a sugar baby and his relationship with the mysterious Awkward Guy - and while that got kind of tiresome sometimes, Seonghwa was more than ready to be the butt of the joke for as long as necessary if it meant that their group dynamic would eventually go back to normal.

He had also hoped that his own worries about the situation with Hongjoong would dissipate now that his closest friends knew about the secret that had been eating him up for months, but deep down he knew that the fragile foundation of the house of cards he’d built was too shaky to support all that weight for too long

He just never anticipated that it’d come crashing down at Yeosang’s birthday, of all places.

Today was supposed to be perfect.

He had woken up early to dedicate the entire day to prepare for the event, all his efforts culminating in the moment he found himself in right now: holding his homemade cake in front of a smiley Yeosang, and basking in the warmth of all their friends singing ‘happy birthday’ in unison.

Everyone started clapping the moment their friend shyly blew the candles, and Seonghwa tried to awkwardly follow suit before stopping in a panic when the cake slipped slightly over the plate, making all the hours he'd spent baking flash in front of his eyes.

“Careful,” said Jongho, immediately jumping from his seat.

“You’re going to drop it!” exclaimed Wooyoung next to him at the same time.

“Relax, I have everything under control,” replied Seonghwa before finally putting the cake down on the table and cutting a single slice to put it in front of the Birthday Boy.

“Thanks, mom,” said Yeosang jokingly, which prompted everyone in the room to start laughing too.

“He really has been reaching new uncharted levels of motherhood lately, hasn’t he?”

“In that case, I’m using my new uncharted levels of motherhood to decide that there’s no cake for Yunho because he’s been a bad boy,” explained Seonghwa distractedly as he started to hand out the rest of the slices, playfully skipping the aforementioned friend before finally putting the very last plate in front of him.

“Oho, I don’t know what you mean,” replied Yunho before putting a big spoonful in his mouth. “I’m the bestest boy.”

Wooyoung snorted next to him, which prompted their roommate to slather some of the cream on his cheek.

“Hey! I didn’t spend hours making this cake for you to play with!” exclaimed Seonghwa before grimacing immediately after, realizing that he had indeed sounded like a mother in that specific moment. “Don’t even dare to say anything.”

Everyone laughed again and this time he joined them as he took his own piece of cake, humming as the flavor hit his tongue and mentally patting himself on the back while he looked the way everybody was joking around and having fun.

Seonghwa had been the unofficial host of all the group parties in college, but he had slowly stopped doing it after dropping out and meeting Junhyung for reasons he genuinely couldn’t remember now, so he had decided to go all out with it now that he was in the right mental (and financial) state to do so.

He had held back during Yunho’s birthday back in March to let Wooyoung shine and get all the credit for organizing the party for his ‘Not-Boyfriend’, but he had been fully invested this time and had cooked from scratch both the huge mountain of fried chicken they had already devoured plus the cake.

Him going back to his so-called nurturing but nagging behavior had made all the old ‘mother’ jokes come back with full force, and while he would never admit it out loud, he was kind of loving every second of it.

Seonghwa had forgotten how much he adored being seen and appreciated for looking after the people he cared about.

He couldn’t help the smile that came to his mouth as he watched everyone laugh as they moved onto the presents, feeling himself almost vibrating with excitement when it became his turn.

“Happy birthday,” said Seonghwa, barely holding the giddiness back as he handed a bag over.

“Thank you, but you really shouldn’t have,” replied Yeosang while grabbing the small box that sat inside. “You already prepared all the food and organized everything, that’s more than enough.”

“Hush,” added Seonghwa, the smile growing even more as the Birthday Boy unwrapped the present and gasped in surprise when he saw its content. 

“Oh my God,” exclaimed his friend after he brought the earrings closer to his face to inspect them.

“Do you like them?” he asked, excitedly. “I immediately thought of you when I saw them.”

“I can’t take these, Seonghwa. I…” whispered Yeosang.

“It’s fine, silly. You got me jewelry for my birthday too, we’re even.”

It took him a moment to notice the awkward tension in the air as four pairs of eyes fell on him, the worried looks so palpable that Seonghwa couldn’t help but physically recoil when he realized what was truly going on.

His relationship with money had improved so much since Hongjoong stepped into his life, that he had almost forgotten what it felt like to be on the receiving end of his friends’ pity when it came to his eternal struggles in that department, but all that familiar shame and humiliation came back with a painful slap when he saw the concern in their faces - even though the earrings were in the same price range as the rest of the gifts.

“I love them, I really do, but…” said Yeosang after a moment of silence. “These look pricey.”

Seonghwa sighed, feeling all traces of excitement and happiness disappearing immediately as he swallowed back the embarrassment.

“It’s okay, I promise it wasn’t that expensive,” he replied with what he hoped was a convincing and lighthearted smile. “I’ve done some overtime and double shifts lately, Yunho and Wooyoung can confirm. I swear you have nothing to worry about, it’s really not an issue for me.”

He looked over to his roommates to get some sense of support, trying to send a clear silent message with his eyes without looking too suspicious.

Seonghwa already had two close friends fussing over him about his unusual type of sex work, the last thing he needed was to add two more to the list.

“That's true, he's been working overtime these days and actually getting paid for it,” said Yunho with a convincing smile after a moment of charged silence. “I think we don’t need to worry about him anymore. He got rid of the dead weight that was dragging him down and seems to be doing just fine now.”

Seonghwa kept his eyes fixed on his roommate for a few extra seconds, wondering how much they all really knew about how much Junhyung had impacted his financial situation regardless of how hard he’d tried to keep it a secret, but ended up looking back to the Birthday Boy with a smile to try to lighten the mood.

“Okay. If you’re truly sure it’s fine…” said Yeosang finally before pressing the earrings against his chest and getting up to hug Seonghwa. “Then I really appreciate this. I love them! They’re really cute. Thank you.”

“Of course,” he replied before returning the hug, releasing the breath he didn’t even know he had been holding in relief.

“My turn!” chimed in Jongho the moment he sat down, and Seonghwa sent him a quick look of gratitude that was answered with a subtle nod.

It didn’t take long for things to go back to normal after the tense exchange and soon enough everyone was back to laughing and joking around like nothing had happened, and while Seonghwa had managed to keep most of the impending dark thoughts that were threatening to come from the brief awkward encounter at bay as well, he still used the first excuse that came his way to take a short break.

He took a deep breath the moment he stepped into the kitchen to grab more soju bottles from the fridge, using the moment of peace to fish his phone from his pocket and feeling a smile coming to his face when he saw that he had a bunch of unread texts from Hongjoong waiting for him.

They weren’t supposed to meet this week and so far they had only texted to discuss the minor details of their appointments, so Seonghwa could feel the excitement growing when he caught a glimpse of a smiley face on the notification before pressing his finger against it.

KHJ
Hi there :)
I know this is very last minute 
But I’m on my way to Busan to deal with a work emergency
Would you happen to be available for an impromptu meeting tonight?

He could feel the smile turning into a pout as he reread the message, mentally cursing the bad timing and briefly mourning the missed opportunity to get dicked down before their next appointment.

Seonghwa
Hi!!
Sorry for the late reply
I can’t do tonight :((
I have a prior engagement
How long are you staying? Can we meet tomorrow?

The messages were sent hours ago, but Hongjoong still came online the moment he hit send to immediately reply to his answer, and Seonghwa could only giggle at the seemingly perpetual state of eagerness this man had when it came to him.

KHJ
That’s okay, thank you for replying anyway!
I’m going back tomorrow morning so sadly tonight is our only option
Is there anything I can do to make you clear your schedule for me?
Maybe offer a little extra to make up for the inconvenience? 
That seemed to work just fine last time ;)
Would three million be enough? Four?

Seonghwa stared at the stupid winky face as the world faded out around him, the distant noise of his friends laughing in the background disappearing under the sudden wave of white noise that took over as he swallowed to try to get rid of the sudden dryness in his mouth.

There was nothing out of the ordinary in the underlying tone or even the words Hongjoong had used, so he was completely caught by surprise by the sudden rage  that consumed him when he reread the messages.

He didn’t know why he felt so offended by the fact that this man thought he could just dangle a bunch of bills in front of Seonghwa’s face to make him dance whenever he felt like it, thinking that he would be willing to drop anything and everything to run to him like a dog if he just happened to offer enough money to make it happen.

It wasn’t like he had been expecting the other man to forget he was a sex worker, since he brought it up often enough to make it obvious that he was very aware of it, but he had always treated Seonghwa with so much reverence and respect that he genuinely hadn’t expected the man to talk to him like he was a mere commodity.

Hongjoong very rarely made him feel like the prostitute he had become, even when he directly pointed it out, but he was definitely feeling very much like one in this very moment as he stared at the words on the screen - a painful reminder that under the giggles, the intense gaze, and the reverence, this whole thing was just another business deal for the man.

He knew he was ultimately at fault here because he was the one having expectations he wasn’t supposed to have according to their purely transactional deal, that he was the one who had set a dangerous precedent by eagerly accepting every single offer Hongjoong had thrown his way ever since their first encounter, but that didn’t stop the sharp hit of disappointment and anger from hitting him square in the chest.

Wooyoung had been right.

Seonghwa was just a hooker, and that was all he’d ever be in the other man’s eyes. No matter how nicely and respectfully he treated him.

He was just another luxury item Hongjoong could simply acquire from the comfort of his expensive Royal Suite without putting too much thought into it, and he’d been stupid enough to think he was worth a little more than that.

"You’re pathetic, Seonghwa."

He could hear his own breathing getting shallower as Junhyung’s words filled his brain, getting out of the secure box Seonghwa had successfully locked them in.

Hongjoong had genuinely made him believe that he was actually something more than a warm and aesthetically-pleasing body he could rent out for a few hours every time he was in Busan, even if most of their interactions had been restricted to being naked and hidden away inside hotel rooms.

In his endless stupidity, Seonghwa had somehow fooled himself into believing that he could actually offer something more than sex to a man who literally paid him to sleep with him.

“Is everything okay?” asked Wooyoung, voice filtering through the fog. 

Seonghwa looked up to find his roommate staring at him from where he was standing next to the kitchen door, and he smiled in what he hoped was a natural enough way before nodding.

“Yeah. Sorry, I got distracted,” he replied before clearing his throat, trying to snap himself out of it. “Can you help me carry everything?”

Wooyoung didn’t move to follow the instruction, still staring at him in a way that very clearly let Seonghwa know that he hadn’t bought the lies behind the calm smile.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” asked his friend.

“I’m fine, I promise. I’m just a bit tired and suddenly feeling it now, but nothing a beer won’t fix.”

He looked down at his phone once again to type out his reply before he could talk himself out of it, hitting send without even bothering to re-read the sentences he had written.

Seonghwa
I'm afraid that particular trick only worked once, Mr. Kim
I can’t just bail on people at the last minute simply because you’re in town
Some things are more valuable than money ;)
But I’m sure you won’t have any trouble finding another escort for that price 
Even with the short notice
I have to go now but have a safe trip back home tomorrow

Hongjoong had been online the whole time he spent fighting with his initial reaction, so it didn’t surprise him when his messages were read immediately. 

He knew that the other man would probably be able to sense the offense shining through the uncharacteristically passive-aggressive answer, but Seonghwa couldn’t even bring himself to care at this point.

He simply put his phone on ‘Do Not Disturb’ mode, hiding away any potential responses for the time being so he could just focus on the party.

“Don’t ask again, please,” said Seonghwa sharply before Wooyoung had the chance to say something else, immediately grabbing as many bottles as he could and walking out of the kitchen. “I promise I’m okay.”

He truly loved his best friend with all his heart, but he also really didn’t feel like dealing with his smothering and overbearing behavior right now.

With what he hoped came across as a genuine smile on his face, Seonghwa put all the drinks down on the table before grabbing a beer and sitting in the seat furthest away from the group as possible. 

He could feel the irritation inside him slowly morphing into shame when he calmed down enough to realize he had no right whatsoever to feel any kind of entitlement when it came to Hongjoong, and that hot embarrassment unsurprisingly made him feel even worse than the anger did. 

The other man had simply made a counter offer within the terms of their arrangement, ones that they both had eagerly accepted in the past, and he didn't deserve the treatment he'd gotten just because Seonghwa was incapable of controlling all these conflicting emotions that prevented him from enjoying their relationship for what it truly was sometimes.

“Hey, do you have a moment? I’ve been meaning to talk to you,” said Yeosang suddenly, ambushing him in the quiet corner when he had been trying to shake the unexpected uneasiness off. “Remember when I told you that a colleague of mine was considering quitting to move to Japan with her boyfriend? Well, it’s official now, she’s going to hand in her resignation notice soon.”

Seonghwa’s brow furrowed as he tried to recall the context of that statement, before a clear flashback of the conversation they’d had at the bar a few weeks back came to his mind.

“Oh. Yeah. I’ll confess I had forgotten about that…”

“I figured,” replied Yeosang with a light laugh, shaking his head fondly. “I still think it could be a good fit for you and I’d be willing to talk to my manager for you.”

Seonghwa leaned back against the backrest, sighing as he tried to get his head out of the dark spiral it was stuck in. 

He hadn’t even realized that he had stopped worrying about changing jobs thanks to the steady income Hongjoong provided, he couldn’t even remember the last time he had even looked for job applications.

“I don’t know, I haven’t worked in a coffee shop since my first year of college. There are probably much better options than me out there,” he replied, unsure if he was trying to convince his friend or himself.

“You’re capable and hardworking, Seonghwa. I feel like this could be a really positive step for you, but it’s obviously your call and I won’t insist if you’re feeling more comfortable at the restaurant now.”

His friend punctuated his encouraging words with a somewhat awkward pat on his shoulder, which made a small but genuine smile tug at his lips. 

“Thanks, Yeosang. I appreciate you looking out for me and for being willing to vouch for me. I need some time to think about it, but I’ll let you know as soon as possible,” explained Seonghwa.

He knew he was too upset to make any important decisions right now, and it wasn’t really the time or the place to consider something like that anyway – he simply refused to ruin his friend’s birthday just because he had the tendency to let his heart and his questionable decisions fuck up with his life.

“Of course. Just let me know whenever you’re ready, we still have some time left before she leaves,” replied Yeosang before gripping his shoulder once again. “And I always have your back, I hope you know that.”

Feeling a surge of gratitude, he nodded. 

“I know, and I hope you know that I truly appreciate that.”

Probably way more than you’d ever understand.

Seonghwa could admit to himself that he had grown too comfortable when it came to the money over the last few weeks, lulled into a false sense of security by his agreement with Hongjoong, but the acrid bitterness that was currently pooling in his chest almost felt like a glaring wakeup call that was urging him to seize the opportunity that had been laid before him.

He’d always known that their arrangement couldn't last forever, that eventually the other man would cast Seonghwa aside in favor of a real romantic companion, or even other casual sexual partners who didn’t cost him millions of won.

He’d been so blinded by the allure of easy money that he’d neglected to prepare for that unavoidable day when he would no longer serve his purpose, he hadn't realized that he was going to need to find a backup job where he could land on at some point, and he wasn’t completely sure that he wanted Choi’s restaurant to be that safety net when the time came. 

As the reality of the fleeting and unstable nature of his arrangement with Hongjoong sank in, he felt a new wave of panic wash over him as a sudden realization hit him: the very moment he had feared the most was no longer a distant worry he could easily brush off, and instead it had become a looming threat on the horizon. 

He had always known that he’d eventually become the Future Seonghwa he had been setting up for failure, but he had never anticipated that he would find himself acknowledging that version of him so soon.

–

Seonghwa
Just arrived
On my way up now

KHJ
Okay
See you in a bit

He exhaled nervously as the elevator started moving, fingers swiping the screen down to land on the last conversation they’d had the day after Yeosang’s birthday for what seemed like the 100th time.

An action that predictably made him cringe at his past self as he re-read the messages, and he scolded himself once more for coming across like a scorned lover instead of the detached professional he was supposed to be during his tantrum.

KHJ
I’m sorry
[This message has been deleted]
You’re right
That was disgustingly entitled of me
[This message has been deleted]
I’m really sorry, Seonghwa

Seonghwa
Sorry for the late reply again
Don’t worry about it
You made an offer and I rejected it
It happens
No need to overthink it
I shouldn’t have used that tone anyway
I apologize for that
See you next week during our scheduled appointment?

KHJ
Yes, of course
You have nothing to apologize for
I’m the one at fault here
I promise I’ll never say anything like that again
And I’d love to see you next week if you still want to

Seonghwa sighed again and put the phone in his pocket the moment the elevator came to a stop, fingers tightening around the strap of his bag as he silently walked down the familiar hallway until he stopped right in front of the Royal Suite of the SIGNIEL. 

His heart was pounding against his ribcage when his hand shot out to hover over the wooden surface, and it almost felt like it was making his resolve slowly fade away more and more with each beat.

He drew another deep breath in to try to get ready to face Hongjoong and to remind himself that he needed to follow the blueprint he had created in his head for once, because their last couple of conversations had left him feeling off-balance and embarrassed, and this time he couldn’t just freestyle his way out of this situation.

Seonghwa had to stick to the plan he’d rehearsed dozens of times by now: be professional, stop overthinking, and simply embrace the experience for the source of good sex and money that it truly was. 

It was work, and that was it. 

Work he enjoyed doing, but work nevertheless. 

Or, at least, it was work he usually enjoyed doing.

Because today, for the first time since they met each other, Seonghwa didn’t feel like seeing Hongjoong – and he definitely didn’t feel like having sex with him either.

He was too mentally and physically exhausted to deal with the other man and the natural intensity that surrounded him, let alone to exert all the energy required to put up walls and pretend he was someone he wasn’t.

Seonghwa had done a lot of draining introspection about his life and his arrangement with Hongjoong in the last week, and on top of that, he had also turned in his resignation at the restaurant so Choi had unsurprisingly decided to make the remaining of his time there even more of a living hell as a punishment for quitting.

But he had to remember that sex with this man was also his work now, that it had become another responsibility he had to fulfill whenever he felt like it or not.

His stomach flipped when the door opened without him knocking, unexpected shock making the familiar confident mask slip back on as he smiled in a way that he hoped came across as laid-back and casual.

“Hey,” said Hongjoong after a moment, immediately moving aside to let him get inside the suite.

“Hey,” he replied as he walked in, voice steady despite the inner turmoil as he prepared to act like everything was completely fine.

Showtime.

There was an uncomfortable silence as they stood by the now closed door at the entrance, the air thick with unspoken words and lingering tension that was reminiscent of their first couple of interactions, awkwardness that had become as unfamiliar by now as the nervous energy that was currently radiating from the other man.

“You look very fancy today,” added Seonghwa to try to shatter the quietness and take control of the conversation. “Coming back from dinner?”

Hongjoong always dressed expensively and stylishly, even when he was just wearing casual clothing that was going to get discarded the moment they got in the right mood anyway, but he looked particularly polished today as he stood there without his glasses and wearing tailored dress pants and silk white shirt.

The lights in the room were dim but the brightness of the full moon was filtering through the floor-to-ceiling windows, casting an ethereal glow around the other man that was accentuating his slick hairstyle and what seemed to be very subtle make-up on his face, and Seonghwa was momentarily thrown off by how strikingly gorgeous he truly was.

“Look, I just…” said Hongjoong suddenly, somehow looking smaller than ever as he clearly struggled to gather the courage to speak. “I want to apologize again for being an entitled asshole. I swear I didn’t mean to offend you in any way, but I can see how incredibly rude what I said was. I’m really, really sorry, Seonghwa.”

He released an uncomfortable laugh and made a vaguely dismissive hand gesture, cursing at his own stupidity for trapping them both in an awkward conversation none of them would be able to escape now.

“It’s fine. Like I said, there’s no need to worry about it,” replied Seonghwa with a small smile.

“No, it’s not fine. I shouldn’t have said what I said. I severely overstepped and acted like you were an object I was bidding for and not an actual human being, and I’m very ashamed of my behavior,” explained Hongjoong, taking a step forward with what seemed to be newfound confidence. “I know that this is your job, but that doesn’t give me the right to treat you like a commodity. So, yeah, it was most definitely not fine and I very much needed to apologize again.”

“I promise I’m not mad or offended,” said Seonghwa, heart clenching at the earnest tone in the man’s voice. “I’ll admit that the tone didn’t sit right with me at the time, but I also shouldn't have snapped back at you the way I did and I apologize for that too. You have nothing to worry about, I can see that you’re remorseful and didn’t mean anything by it. You’re not the first man who’s talked to me like that anyway, and you probably won’t be the last either.”

He regretted what he’d said the moment that last sentence left his lips, and he had to stop himself from grimacing at his own vulnerable and self-deprecating outburst.

It had been months since that very first interaction, and yet Seonghwa still struggled to keep his mouth shut and his forts up in the presence of this man.

What happened to sticking to the plan, you fucking idiot?

“That doesn’t make it any better. You shouldn’t be getting that type of treatment from anyone.”

He chuckled at that, the heavy shadow in his chest growing bigger enough to push away all the oxygen in his lungs and making him feel lighthearted and exposed in the most uncomfortable way possible.

“Anyway,” added Hongjoong after a while, clearly realizing that the conversation was pretty much dead since Seonghwa had no intention of engaging with it anymore. “To answer your question: no, I’m not dressed up because of that. I, huh, I was actually hoping we could go out to eat together. I know we usually just order room service after our ‘activities’, but I’d like to go out and treat you to dinner as an apology. If that’s okay with you.”

A new set of emotions added more weight to the ball in his chest when he realized the implication behind the man’s words, making the mask slip off for a brief moment in his shock.

“D-dinner? You mean, outside this room?”

Hongjoong nodded. “Yeah, the restaurant downstairs is still open. I know we’ve never done anything like that before, but I thought it might be nice.”

They had always kept things within the confines of hotel rooms, except for the few interactions they’d had at the bar – enclosed spaces that became private bubbles where they could escape the complexities of their real lives and get lost in the simple pleasure of each other’s bodies.

But now, Hongjoong was offering to step outside those boundaries, and he found himself painfully aware of the uncharted territory that came from something so apparently trivial as sharing a meal outside these walls.

“I…” started to say Seonghwa, trying to sound less shaken than he felt. “Sure, that actually sounds nice.”

Hongjoong’s relieved excitement was palpable as he nodded and pointed towards the exit.

“Okay. Shall we go now, then?”

“Yeah, let’s go,” he replied, feeling the sudden need to get away from this room before his brain had the chance to overthink the situation.

Silence fell around them again as they made their way to the elevator, but it didn’t feel as tense and uncomfortable this time around, it simply felt new and uncertain when they finally stepped into the mostly empty restaurant.

The host immediately regarded them as ‘Mr. Kim and companion’ before he guided them outside to a cozy table in a secluded corner, where they had a clear view of the full moon's reflection on the gently rippling surface of the ocean as it got softly disturbed by the spring breeze.

He studied Hongjoong across the table for a moment, the dim candle light reflecting in the dark eyes that simply stared back at him until the waiter showed up to interrupt the charged moment with the menus.

Seonghwa had spent a whole week preparing himself to make up for his unprofessional behavior by showering the other man with lots of sex and attention, but this unexpected turn of events had completely messed up his carefully prepared plans.

For the first time since they’ve known each other, they were engaging in something that felt dangerous close to a date, and the feeling was so unfamiliar and thrilling that Seonghwa genuinely didn’t know what to do with himself.

He opened the menu just to keep his hands occupied, even if he was already familiar with all dishes at this point and he would end up ordering the exact same one he always gravitated towards just to feel some very needed sense of comfort in this moment.

He could feel Hongjoong’s gaze on him as he scanned the list, but he was already too overwhelmed by the romantic aura of the flickering candle light and the sound of waves crashing under them to meet those eyes again.

“Let me guess: you’re going for red wine and pasta with lobster sauce.”

The teasing tone in the man’s voice finally made him lift his head to look at him, and the playfulness he found in his smile made Seonghwa chuckle when it reminded him of all the lighthearted arguments they’ve had before because of Hongjoong’s strong opinions about this particular flavor combination.

“Damn. I’m getting predictable, aren’t I?” he explained with a matching smirk, closing the menu and putting it down without breaking eye contact. “Don’t worry, though. I promise I won’t embarrass you by pairing seafood and red wine together in front of all these people. This time, and only this time, I’ll be a good boy and drink whatever white wine you and your ‘refined palate’ decide to go for.”

I’m already embarrassing you enough as it is just by sitting here with you, we don’t need to add insult to injury.

“You’re always a good boy.”

The solemnity of the immediate response seemed to catch them both by complete surprise, judging by Hongjoong’s own shocked expression as they stared at each other in awkward silence until the waiter materialized next to them once again to ask for their order.

Seonghwa didn’t even bother paying attention to whatever they were talking about, too busy fidgeting with the napkin and trying to hide the blush he could feel spreading on his face as he focused on keeping his body in check after the unexpectedly visceral reaction he’d had after hearing such a simple sentence.

The awkward silence settled back around them after the waiter left, tension growing thicker as he became painfully aware of how intimate their current setting actually looked, how any outsider who glanced their way would definitely know there was something non-platonic going on between them.

I can’t do this. I wasn’t ready for any of this. Help.

“Seonghwa,” said Hongjoong, voice breaking through his thoughts. “I, huh, I have something for you.”

That made him look up at him again, anxious curiosity peeking through the other swirl of emotions as the man reached under the table to nervously pull out something before sliding him on the table towards him.

Seonghwa’s breath caught in his throat as he looked at the box that now sat on top of the white tablecloth, the golden cursive letters that spelled ‘Cartier’ on the red surface of the case immediately giving away its content.

“Wh-what’s this?” he asked stupidly, fingers trembling slightly as he picked it up.

“The second part of my apology,” replied Hongjoong, eyes never leaving his face while he leaned back in his chair.

With a mix of excitement and apprehension, Seonghwa carefully opened the box to reveal a stunning silver bracelet that was very clearly worth more than all of his possessions combined.

“Hongjoong…” he whispered, completely at a loss of words.

“I wanted to show you how much I regret my words, but also how grateful I am for everything you’ve done for me. I know it sounds very stupid considering the nature of our arrangement, but you have no idea how important you’ve been in my self-acceptance journey.”

The loud sound of his own heartbeat blended with the sound of the ocean in his ears as he tried to keep down all the arguments that were rushing to his mouth, words meant to show the other man that Seonghwa truly didn’t deserve such beautiful and expensive gift as a reward for his own selfish lies and stupid tantrums.

The waiter returned with their wine at that moment, a timely interruption that he actually welcomed as it gave him some time to finish putting himself together, a deceitful break that only made him feel even more overwhelmed when he saw the crimson liquid being poured in Hongjoong’s glass for him to taste.

This man had gone on endless rants about tones and flavors and food science every time Seonghwa had asked for red wine to complement their meals during their post-sex indulgences, explaining over and over again why his drink of choice simply wasn’t supposed to mix well with the creamy lobster sauce.

And yet, Hongjoong still insisted on opening bottle after bottle of this particular red wine just to indulge him every single time – even when they were out in public like this, in front of people who probably shared the man’s own strict and confusing rules about flavor combinations.

Just because he knew Seonghwa liked it.

How am I supposed to stay professional and detached when you behave like this?

He felt the lump in his throat get bigger as he waited for the waiter to leave again before he silently took the bracelet out of the box to gently clasp it on his own wrist, sighing with relief when the weight of it made him feel weirdly grounded for the first time since he sat down on this chair.

“Thank you. You really shouldn’t hav—” stared to say Seonghwa softly before interrupting himself and looking into the man’s gaze, trying very hard to show his sincere gratitude with his eyes and his smile. “It’s a gorgeous bracelet, Hongjoong. I love it, I really do.”

Despite feeling undeserving of such an expensive thoughtful gift, he wasn’t going to make a scene and reject the man’s earnest gratitude and sincerity in a public setting, especially after he'd gone out of his way to do all of this for Seonghwa.

“Good. I’m so happy to hear that, I was a bit nervous about it,” replied Hongjoong, blush spilling across his ears as he rested his hand on top of his and gave it a firm but gentle grip. “Okay, I was a lot nervous about it. I didn’t want to overstep, but that other guy gave you jewelry that day too so I assumed it would be fine. I feel like this particular design suits you very well. It’s elegant and beautiful, just like you.”

Seonghwa couldn’t help but snort at the clear dig at Yeosang, gaze momentarily fixed on the way the man’s fingertips were softly caressing the new bracelet before he looked up to stare directly into his eyes. 

The familiar intensity he found there was now joined by a confident mix of pride and assertiveness, a smug aura that was making Hongjoong look even hotter than usual as the candle light framed his flustered features in a really attractive way.

Seonghwa had been in the process of leaning over the table to kiss that smirk away when the waiter came back with their meals, panic making him go back to sitting straight in his seat and try to stop the quasi-hand holding, something he was unable to do as Hongjoong kept him pinned in place and thanked the server without even looking his way.

Once again, he became hyper aware of how intimate their current setting would look to any outsider right now.

What would these people think after witnessing ‘Mr. Kim’ sliding a box of jewelry towards another man as they dined together late at night in a secluded corner of a hotel restaurant? They would definitely be able to correctly read the situation for what it truly was.

When Seonghwa finally managed to break the hand holding so they could begin eating, the silence didn’t feel as awkward as he’d expected it to be after the charged moment they shared, it almost felt like they were back inside the cozy bubble made of comfort and warmth that he had believed only existed inside Hongjoong’s hotel room.

“Aren't you ashamed of being seen with…” he started, finally voicing the thoughts that had been plaguing him since they got into that elevator. “Someone like me.”

He had tried to make the question sound lighthearted and almost playful, but the tone had sounded painfully insecure even to his own ears.

“Someone like you? You mean a siren?” teased Hongjoong before he immediately switched to a more serious tone. “I’m definitely not ashamed. I’m actually trying really hard to not puff my chest out and look like a smug asshole right now because I have the most gorgeous person in this place sitting right in front of me.”

Seonghwa felt so flustered by the compliment that it took all his remaining resolve to stay focused and prevent the other man from flattering his way out of this very needed conversation.

“Aren't you afraid that this might get back to your father?” 

“Oh, he definitely knows about this already,” replied Hongjoong with a shrug. “Someone probably called him the moment we got inside the elevator the very first time I brought you here with me.”

All the giddy emotions vanished completely when newfound panic flared inside Seonghwa, despite the apparent casualness and nonchalant tone in the other man’s voice.

“H-has he said anything to you? Anything that implies he knows about me?” he pressed carefully, drinking the rest of the wine in his glass in a single swing just to wash the sudden dryness in his mouth away.

“He’d have to actually speak to me for that to happen, so no. We don’t really talk often, and when we do it’s about the company or the family. Even then, our assistants are the ones who do the actual talking instead of us.”

Seonghwa had never really been afraid of all the ways Hongjoong could potentially use his resources to dig sensitive information about him, but he hadn’t even considered the possibility of the man’s father trying to look him up with nefarious intentions. 

He couldn’t even begin to grasp the level of power the person sitting right in front of him held in his hands, especially compared to a nobody like him, so he didn’t even want to think about the type of reach Mr. Kim senior would have if he decided to use it against a lowly pleb like him.

“Should I, huh, should I be worried?”

“You definitely have nothing to worry about. He doesn’t care that much about what I do, as long as I don’t fuck up badly enough to bring media attention to it. Most people suspect I'm gay just by looking at me anyway, a bunch of snobs gossiping about us wouldn’t really change anything,” explained Hongjoong while refilling Seonghwa’s glass. “Plus, my dear father is quite fond of escorts himself, so it’d be quite hypocritical of him to judge me for it. I bet he’s actually relieved that I have a no-strings-attached business arrangement instead of a real romantic relationship. He probably sees it as the lesser evil in my situation.”

Right…

He couldn’t help but chuckle as his body relaxed, the automatic visceral reaction to those words disappearing as soon as it had arrived to leave a sense of clarity that helped him snap out of the flustered state he’d been stuck in this whole time.

Seonghwa knew he could always rely on Hongjoong to ground him whenever his thoughts began to wander dangerously close to delusion.

Being reminded of their real dynamic was a bit painful, especially in such an intimate setting like this one, but it was also oddly refreshing. It helped him get back to reality, which was exactly what he needed tonight to keep himself in check.

“I want to say ‘that’s good to hear’, but I’m not sure that’s a fitting answer considering how tense your relationship sounds,” said Seonghwa sympathetically, trying to stay on topic and not let himself get carried away.

“That’s okay, it is what it is. I don’t really matter that much in the great scheme of things, I’m just the spare son. My older brother is the important one, the perfect child who brings honor and success to the family, and all that. They gave up on me a long time ago, I just have to be decent at my job and stay out of the way. At least until they need me to pose next to them in pictures so we can pretend to be the perfect happy family that we definitely aren’t.”

Hongjoong had been slowly opening up to him over the last couple of months, but he’d never talked this much about his family before since it was clearly a very sensitive and difficult topic he usually ran away from, so Seonghwa wasn’t sure how he should react to such a personal rant.

“Hey, it’s fine. You don’t have to look that sad. I’m somewhat friendly with my brother, so it isn’t all that bad,” added Hongjoong, trying to sound nonchalant even if it was obvious that he wasn’t as indifferent about it as he wanted to appear. “We aren’t as close as we used to be when we were kids, but we can still hold a pleasant conversation that doesn’t involve company talk. This probably makes it sound worse, but I was never close to my family anyway, so it doesn’t really feel like I lost anything in the first place.”

“I can actually relate to that, I...” replied Seonghwa gently, trying to return some of that brave show of vulnerability. “I haven’t talked to my parents in a long time either, and we didn’t exactly have the best of relationships when we were actually on speaking terms.”

The other man stared at him in silence, gaze softening up with understanding and sympathy as he briefly touched his hand in a comforting gesture before reaching for his glass and holding it out to him.

“Fuck family. Who needs them, anyway?”

Seonghwa couldn’t help the genuine laugh that left his lips when picked up his own glass and gently clinked it against Hongjoong’s in a mock cheer.

“Fuck family, indeed.”

–

Seonghwa wasn’t completely sure what had happened in the time it had taken them to get into the elevator to go back to the suite, but something shifted inside him the moment they walked into the privacy of the room.

He barely gave Hongjoong enough time to close the door behind them before he pushed him against the surface to immediately sink to his knees in front of him, hands going straight to unzip the man’s dress pants to gracelessly pull them and his underwear down to his ankles.

“Holy f—what? ”

Seonghwa didn’t bother replying to his surprised question as he simply grabbed a handful of the shirt that was now falling over Hongjoong’s crotch to hand it over to him.

“Keep that out of the way,” he ordered.

He took his own top off while shifting on the floor to try to find the best position for his knees, settling on the most comfortable one before spitting on his hand just as gracelessly and grabbing the man’s dick to roughly coax it into getting hard as quickly as possible.

All the hesitations and unwillingness Seonghwa had felt on his way to this hotel tonight were completely gone now, replaced by an overwhelming mix of desperation and arousal that only seemed to pulse hotter under his skin every time his brand new bracelet shifted on his wrist.

He wasn’t feeling exhausted or emotional anymore, he was simply feeling overwhelmingly turned on.

Seonghwa was always down for a blowjob, especially when the recipient was someone as appreciative as Hongjoong, but he still couldn’t even remember the last time he had wanted to suck a dick this badly – so badly, in fact, that he could feel himself salivating just from the clean musky smell that was coming from the man’s crotch.

He couldn’t hold back the shameless groan that escaped as he launched forward, hand halting its movements for a moment as he pressed his face on the spot where the man’s thigh met his hip, inhaling deeply before allowing his tongue to rest on top of the most prominent vein to slowly follow its path towards his cock.

“Fuck, Seonghwa,” said Hongjoong, sounding as breathless as he felt. “Wa-wait, the condom.”

He froze when his brain registered the words, face barely a few centimeters away from the hand that was still wrapped around the man’s erection as he realized that he had completely forgotten about that crucial detail in his startling desperation to get that dick into his mouth.

“Right,” he replied, swallowing to try to get rid of the sudden dryness. “We should probably move this to the couch.”

He got up from the floor while ignoring the weight of Hongjoong’s stare, awkwardly making his way to the spot in the living room where they kept the lube and condoms before going back to kneeling in front of the couch where the man was now sitting.

He must have sensed the shift in Seonghwa’s demeanor, though, because he interrupted his attempts to find a comfortable position again by gently but firmly cupping his face and guiding him to meet his gaze.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ruin the mood,” explained Hongjoong apologetically.

He snorted in response, shame subsiding inside him just the tiniest bit at the soft tone.

“You didn’t ruin the mood, you did the right thing,” replied Seonghwa as he let his hands run over the man’s naked thighs to try to get them both back in the mood. “Although, you’re probably the only man on this planet who would be nice enough to stop someone from giving him a blowjob without a condom.”

“I mean, it’s not that I wouldn’t love to know what your mouth feels like without any barriers,” replied Hongjoong with a chuckle, hands still holding his head to maintain eye contact. “But I know condoms are one of your non-negotiables, and your comfort is way more important to me than any horny curiosity I might feel.”

He felt his heart skip a beat at the candidness of the man's answer, like he had just stated the most obvious explanation in the world, and not an incredibly rare move that deeply contrasted all the times people had tried to guilt-trip and manipulate him into skipping protection.

He knew Hongjoong might simply not feel comfortable receiving an unprotected blowjob from someone he believed to be a hooker, but the open honesty on his face told him that he was truly doing it for Seonghwa’s sake and not his own.

He didn’t even try to reply to that, too blindsided by the statement to find the words to properly convey what he was feeling, so he simply moved forward to peck Hongjoong on the lips and let his mouth respond in a different way – in the only way he knew how to right now.

Unsurprisingly, the kiss got heated soon after and the slight awkwardness that had resulted from their brief interaction quickly faded away to make Seonghwa feel renewed desperation to get that cock in his mouth for once and for all, his own half-hard dick becoming a mere afterthought while he rushed through to the process of lathering Hongjoong’s erection with the lube before slipping on the condom to immediately drag his tongue all the way from the base to the tip the moment it was set in place.

Seonghwa would usually tease the other man and take his time dragging it out now that he had much better stamina, but the need to make him come was too strong to even bother doing that so he chose to go straight to do all the things he knew would get the job done quickly.

“Such an obedient slut.”

He froze the moment Junhyung’s voice suddenly filtered through the horny fog, completely uninvited and unwelcomed and almost unfamiliar at this point, time standing still around him for a moment as he tried to push through the sudden anxiety bubbling in his stomach in order to resume the blowjob.

Not now. Please, go away.

He didn’t know where this was even coming from, but now that his ex-boyfriend’s voice had spilt all over his mind, he found himself stuck in a loop of painful flashbacks: snapshots of all the times Junhyung had shamed Seonghwa as he kneeled in front of him just like this, all the times he had humiliated him for acting desperate every time he got lost in this type of lust.

“Such a good boy.”

The gentle tone managed to break through the thick daze with surprising ease, words bringing him back to reality so fast that Seonghwa couldn’t help but freeze once more when he opened his eyes to stare at the man’s face.

“Why do you look this shocked? I told you earlier, didn’t I?” said Hongjoong breathlessly, his smile growing even softer as his hands immediately moved to cradle his face again to slowly pull him off his dick. “You’re always so, so good for me.”

He stared back into those eyes for a moment, absently noting that the other man was trying to clean the mess of saliva and lube on his chin with his hand while his brain slowly came back to reality, almost feeling like he had been underwater and was just now breaking the surface.

“There you go, take a few breaths for me. Is everything okay?”

The grip on his face was so firm that Seonghwa barely had any range of motion to give a short nod in response, but the solid hold was also so remarkably grounding that it made him completely snap out of the weird state he’d accidentally found himself in.

You’re not with him. You’re with Hongjoong.

“Yeah, sorry,” he replied once he felt calm enough to talk. “Got a bit in own my head there, but I’m okay.”

“Are you sure?”

You’re safe, he would never hurt you.

“Yes,” said Seonghwa. “Keep talking to me, please.”

He brought Hongjoong’s dick closer to his face using the grip he had maintained around the base this whole time, dragging his lips along the length of it again before focusing on the tip, sighing with relief when the hands that had been holding his face moved to gently grab his hair instead.

“I, ah, I’m going to make a fool of myself if I talk right now.”

A loud giggle escaped Seonghwa at that, the action sending a calming wave all over his own body and making every single muscle seem to relax in unison as his mind became blissfully silent and fuzzy once again.

“Humor me,” he whispered before pressing the tip of his tongue on the spot he knew made the other man shiver.

“You feel so good,” muttered Hongjoong, the hold on his hair tightening when his hips made an aborted movement forward. “So fucking good. I think about it all the time, even when I really shouldn’t be doing it.”

He laughed again as his hand took over his mouth on the man’s dick, focusing on following the tremors on his thighs with his lips instead while he gathered the courage to finally ask the question that had been plaguing his mind for weeks now.

“Do you think about it when you’re with other men too?”

Hongjoong released a choked laugh before he closed his eyes and let his head fall back against the couch, finally releasing Seonghwa from the hypnotic lure of his deep gaze and allowing him to focus on wrapping his lips around the erection in front of his face again.

The only reply he got at first was a litany of moans and curses when he started to properly suck the man off, establishing a nice rhythm that was making him feel lightheaded and distracted enough that he almost got startled by the sudden answer as the words seemed to echo in the room.

“There are no other men,” said Hongjoong, tone soft and breathless. “Now that I know what it’s like to do this with the most beautiful person on this planet, how could anyone else ever compare?”

The sentiment behind the statement was nothing new to Seonghwa, since the other man had always been incredibly open about how attracted he is to him and didn’t shy away from showering him with compliments, but these candid shows of admiration never failed to make his heart beat a little bit faster.

“I call you my siren for a reason, you know?” added Hongjoong before releasing another shaky chuckle. “I’m so embarrassingly enchanted by you, sometimes I do wonder if you’ve actually put a spell on me.”

Seonghwa had asked the man to keep talking because his voice kept him anchored to the present and away from the painful memories, but the words were making the fluttering sensation in his stomach spread up his chest and make him feel breathless for reasons that had nothing to do with the dick in his mouth.

Deciding that now was time to make Hongjoong stop talking, he relaxed his throat to push the erection as far as it could go and focused on ignoring both the throbbing between his own legs and the overpowering taste of latex, establishing a familiar rhythm that he knew would lure the darker side of the man closer to the surface.

As expected, the trick worked wonderfully, since all semblance of rational speech was now gone and all he could hear were the wet sounds that were quickly getting drowned by the panting and moaning coming from Hongjoong as he used the grip on Seonghwa’s head to repeatedly push his dick down his throat.

His pace was always rough and merciless, but that numb pain was a welcomed sensation that made his brain become blissfully empty when he simply let the other man take control and use him for his own pleasure – an action that made him feel weirdly calm when Hongjoong did it, even though it used to make him feel degraded when other men had done it in the past.

It didn’t take long for the familiar tell-tale signs of the approaching orgasm to come through, and Seonghwa immediately pushed back against the tight grip on his head to let the man’s erection slip out of mouth with a choked cough before quickly taking the condom off and using his hand to finish him off.

Hongjoong pulled on his hair painfully hard one last time before releasing the black strands in order to grip the edge of the couch, coming all over his stomach and chest with a drawn-out groan that made Seonghwa’s own hard dick twitch as they both gasped for air.

He continued jerking him off for a while longer, milking every single drop before dropping the spent dick on the sticky mess and falling down to a sitting position on the floor to rest his head on Hongjoong’s knee with a satisfied sigh. 

Seonghwa made a half-assed attempt at wiping the mess on his face with his clean hand before letting his eyes fall close, focusing on catching his breath as he allowed the peaceful feeling wash over him while the other man stroked his hair gently.

He didn’t know how long they’d stayed like that by the time he felt Hongjoong gently grabbing his shoulder to make him stand up, taking the rest of their clothes off before sitting Seonghwa on his lap to give him a gentle kiss that surprisingly never deepened, not even after their hands joined in to roam each other’s naked bodies.

They continued to lazily make out for a while until one of the wandering hands grabbed Seonghwa’s half-hard dick with a determined grip, something that made him giggle into the man’s mouth as he pushed it away gently while shaking his head.

“I don’t feel like doing that. I just wanted to make you feel good,” said Seonghwa truthfully, feeling the lingering arousal get easily buried under the waves of calm contentment. “I assume we’re having round two later, you can play with it then. Right now, I’d really like to soak in your fancy bathtub.”

He was very aware that Hongjoong was paying him a million won per night to have sex with him and he should probably give in to him when it came to this stuff, but Seonghwa felt so emotionally drained after his rollercoaster of a day that he simply didn’t feel like being touched in that way right now, even if it was supposed to be his literal job.

And, if he was being honest, he had been dreaming about floating in that gigantic tub since he first time saw it and he wasn’t going to miss the opportunity to indulge into some relaxation before getting the ass pounding he knew was coming at some point before the end of the night.

“Yes, young master. I’ll go draw you a bath immediately,” said Hongjoong while bowing his head playfully. “Would you like to enjoy some more wine while you bathe?”

He shook his head again and got off the man’s lap to do a big stretch, giggling when he saw the man’s hungry eyes run over his naked skin.

“No, thanks. I think we both drank enough during dinner,” replied Seonghwa.

He was already feeling weirdly vulnerable and sensitive as it was, the last thing he needed tonight was to get too drunk and potentially risk ending up going down another dark path by accident.

“You’re right, good call.”

Seonghwa was practically vibrating out of his skin with excitement while he watched Hongjoong prepare the bath with the ease of someone who had it many times before, slipping into the sea of bubbles with a happy squeal the moment the other man had finished adding whatever salts he had around.

He couldn’t help the sigh that escaped his lips as the warm water immediately relaxed his sore muscles, a pleasant peacefulness that only increased when they shifted around in the tub so he was resting with his back pressed against a solid firm chest while equally strong arms wrapped around him in an intimate embrace.

Seonghwa looked through the glass walls to bask in the gorgeous view of the bright moon and the expanse of the ocean for a while before he closed his eyes with another relaxed sigh, allowing himself to let go of everything and simply feel for a moment.

He didn’t know how long they stayed like that, simply enjoying each other’s presence and touch without any sexual intent in complete silence, but his fingertips were already pruned by the time he shifted to look behind him.

Hongjoong was resting with his head against the edge of the tub, eyes closed and dark hair falling over his forehead as his chest moved slowly with each breath, and Seonghwa allowed himself a moment to simply stare at the beautiful picture of contentment before speaking up.

“Wash my hair?” he murmured in a soft tone, fingers idly tracing the contours of the bracelet on his wrist.

The man’s eyes fluttered open at that, a lazy smile spreading over his lips as he straightened up to reach for the bottle of shampoo and poured a generous amount on his hands before running his fingers through Seonghwa’s hair with slow and deliberate motions.

“Your hair is so beautiful,” said Hongjoong after a moment of silence, voice low and filled with admiration. “And so soft, it’s like silk.” 

Seonghwa smiled, eyes closed as he leaned into the man’s touch to enjoy the gentle massage to the fullest as the compliment warmed him up even more. 

He couldn’t even remember the last time he had felt this relaxed and pampered, he was convinced he might start purring at any moment.

“I’ve been thinking,” said Seonghwa with a hint of playfulness in his tone. “I want to dye it a bright color. Perhaps red, or pink.”

“I think you’d look great with pink hair, to be honest. You can probably pull off any color, no matter how out there it seems,” explained Hongjoong while chuckling softly, fingers pausing for a moment of hesitation before resuming the tender massage. “I’ve always wanted to dye my hair too. Probably not a wild color, although that’d be really fun.”

“Why not?” asked Seonghwa, running his fingers on the man’s knee where it was resting against his thigh to offer some silent encouragement. “I think you’d look stunning with bright red hair. Oh, maybe blue! Something colorful like that.”

“In my line of work? There’s no way I could do that, they barely take me seriously as it is now. And my father wouldn't approve either, it’s not worth dealing with another one of his 'I'm disappointed' speeches.”

“It sounds like your father doesn’t approve of anything you do anyway, so you should just do whatever the hell you want,” explained Seonghwa, a mix of sympathy and resolve making him turn around to stare at the man in the eyes. “You said it yourself: ‘fuck family’, right?”

Hongjoong laughed, the sound coming out bright and light with a surprised punch, like he hadn’t intended to do it in the first place but his body had decided to release the sound regardless.

Seonghwa was hit with an surge of affection when he saw the raw delight in the man’s pretty face, when he saw how young and relaxed and open he looked in that very moment with his soft smile and gentle eyes – a less heated version of the intensity he usually found there, but one that still made his stomach flutter either way.

He didn’t even bother resisting when Hongjoong reached up with a soapy wet hand to grab his face and pull him into a tender kiss, water sloshing around them as they allowed that one peck to turn into two and then three before finally pulling apart.

“Yeah, you’re right. Fuck family indeed.”

Seonghwa chuckled in reply to the soft whisper, attention completely shifting away from the topic of their hair colors as their lips came together once again with a shift motion, water spilling over the edge of the tub when their arms moved to wrap around each other to press their bodies closer.

He knew that indulging in these genuine and vulnerable moments would only make things more difficult in the long run, but it was so hard to remember that the cold reality was waiting for him out there when he was surrounded by the intoxicating warmth of Hongjoong’s embrace.

–

Seonghwa adjusted his apron as he glanced nervously at the espresso machine, trying to focus on the scent of freshly ground coffee beans instead of the slight tremor in his hands.

It had been years since he’d last worked as a barista, and the intricate combination of steaming milk and pulling shots felt more intimidating and unfamiliar than he had expected.

“It’s okay. We spent hours going through everything yesterday,” said Yeosang before nudging him with his elbow. “It’s like riding a bike, you’ll be a pro at it again in no time.”

Seonghwa laughed, the sound coming out as a nervous chuckle, and tried to cling to the reassuring smile on his friend’s face.

“Yeah, you’re right. If I could do this as a sleep deprived 19-year-old, I’ll definitely be able to do it now. I’m just …afraid of fucking up and making you look bad.”

“Don’t say that, you’re going to crush it. Just like you always do,” replied Yeosang while waving his hand dismissively. “Plus, having you around is going to be a lot of fun! No more boring shifts.”

His reply was interrupted by the sound of the bell chiming as the door opened to let a middle-aged woman with a kind face in, making Seonghwa straighten his posture immediately and put on his best customer service smile when his friend moved away to signal he should take this one.

“Good morning! Welcome to Deja Brew. What can I get you today?” he asked, voice slightly shaky.

“I’ll have a medium latte, please,” said the woman after glancing briefly at the menu.

“Coming right up!” added Seonghwa, turning around to grab the right cup before grimacing and looking at her again. “Sorry, would you like to enjoy your drink here or take it to go?”

“Here, please.”

“Go make it for her,” said Yeosang while pointing to the espresso machine with his head. “I’ll take care of the rest here.”

“Huh, okay. Coming right up! This time for real,” replied Seonghwa in a nervous high-pitched tone before moving towards the dreaded thing.

He took a deep breath before carefully measuring the coffee and locking the portafilter in place with some struggle but without any major issues, muscle memory kicking in under Yeosang’s careful eyes as he focused on creating the smooth foam with the milk steamer to pour it into the espresso.

With a final flourish, he created a wonky but recognizable heart-shaped art on the surface of the latte and delicately set the cup on the tray that was sitting on the counter.

“Here you go, one medium latte. Enjoy!” 

The woman smiled at him and gave him a nod in acknowledgement before grabbing her drink and moving towards a free seat in the corner, relief washing over Seonghwa as he turned around to stare at Yeosang.

“See? I told you you’d do great.”

“I do feel super rusty, but I have to admit it wasn’t too bad,” he replied with a chuckle, feeling the tension ease from his shoulders.

Seonghwa ended up messing up a couple of times during the morning rush after that initial interaction, but all the customers seemed patient and understanding enough to dismiss any issue with a nod and an awkward smile.

As the shift progressed, his rushed decision to change jobs seemed a lot less daunting and more promising. It was definitely too early to tell, but even with the nerves and the tension that came from his official first day, he still felt a lot more relaxed and confident than he’d ever felt in Choi’s restaurant.

Maybe this really was what he needed to get a new fresh start that would lead him to turn his life around.

The fresh start he needed to eventually break free from the cycle he had found himself stuck in the form of his complicated relationship with Hongjoong.

Seonghwa sighed, hand instinctively going straight to his naked wrist in search of a bracelet that wasn’t even there today as he leaned against the counter the moment the man’s name popped into his mind.

They’d had an unscheduled appointment the previous night since Hongjoong had come to Busan for another one of his work emergencies, an unplanned encounter Seonghwa really should have rejected because he had promised himself there would be no more surprise ‘meetings’ after their last awkward clash about it.

An appointment he really should have rejected because he needed his head to be in the right state during his first official day at his new job, and his head had been nothing but a mess since their last encounter – memories of the candlelit dinner and the intimate bath they'd shared together still incredibly fresh in his mind, vividly coming back to him when he least expected it.

And yet, all rational thought had left Seonghwa the moment he read the extra polite and carefully crafted messages, just like it always did. The words luring him in like a moth to a flame, enticing him with the illusion of a passionate distraction full of intoxicating validation that would take his mind away from the nerves and the uncertainty of starting a new job.

An intense encounter that had left him attending his very early shift completely sleep deprived and sore, but that had also managed to stop him from overthinking too much and had given him a boost of determination and endorphins he most definitely had needed.

His dangerous train of thought was interrupted by the sound of the back office door swinging open, and both him and Yeosang straightened up when Mr. Yang approached the counter with a warm smile on his face.

His new manager was a man in his early forties with kind eyes and a calming presence, completely different to what Choi used to be, and yet Seonghwa had felt his body tense with anxiety every single time the man had come out of his office during his training – almost like his body was getting ready for the belittling that usually followed having a boss around.

“How are you feeling after your first morning rush, Seonghwa?” 

“It’s going well, Mr. Yang. I think,” he rushed to reply, trying to sound less nervous than he felt. “I’m a bit rusty, but I haven’t had any issues and I’m quickly getting the hang of it.”

“He’s being humble, he’s actually doing great,” explained his friend.

“Please, call me Jaejoong,” said Mr. Yang with the same reassuring smile. “And that’s good to hear. I knew that you’d fit right in the moment Yeosang recommended you. We’re a small team, but we take care of each other the best we can. My door is always open so don’t hesitate to reach out if you need anything, whether it’s work or personal stuff.”

“Thank you, ah, Jaejoong. I really appreciate the opportunity,” replied Seonghwa, trying to convey the sense of gratitude he felt.

Their manager clapped a hand on his shoulder with a final comforting gesture before walking away, greeting some of the patrons by name before finally going back to the back office and leaving them both behind.

“There’s no need to look that tense whenever he’s around,” said Yeosang with a snort. “He’s a great guy, you have nothing to worry about.”

“Shut up. It’s my first official day, I’m allowed to be nervous,” added Seonghwa before sighing again and busying himself by organizing the different types of milk on the counter. “Plus, I’m still traumatized by my last boss, okay? I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

“No shoes will be dropped here, I promise he’s nothing like that asshole. I’ve been working here for years and I’ve never even seen him raise his voice.” 

He hummed. “Yeah, it’s definitely too early to tell, but the whole vibe here feels a lot more welcoming and happy.”

They got interrupted by the sound of the bell chiming in again, signaling the arrival of new customers and momentarily stealing their attention as they busied themselves with taking orders and preparing drinks.

The café was buzzing with activity, the sound of chatter overpowering the humming of the espresso machine while Seonghwa went back and forth from making drinks to handing out receipts, easily falling into a rhythmic routine easily as the repetitive pattern provided him with a comforting distraction that was taking his mind away from the nerves he’d been fighting against all day.

When the line of people had finally subsided and the shop had settled into a quieter environment, his co-worker leaned against the counter and stared at him with a thoughtful expression as Seonghwa whipped down the steamer.

“You know,” began Yeosang, tone deceitfully casual as the look on his face hinted at a more serious topic. “I’m aware this is just your first day here and all, but now that you’re not stuck in that dead-end hellhole of a job, you could think about finally getting that Education degree.”

Seonghwa paused, his hands freezing as he turned around to face his friend with a slight frown.

“Where the hell is that coming from? That ship sailed a long time ago, I’m not going back to school at 26.”

“Why not? A lot of people are still studying at 26, you’re not as old as you think you are,” explained Yeosang slowly, clearly choosing his words carefully. “Becoming a teacher has always been your dream, we all remember how much it meant to you. You can still do it, it’s never too late.”

“I don’t know, I left for a reason. It simply wasn’t the right path for me,” replied Seonghwa, shaking his head.

“No. You left because it simply wasn’t the right time for you and you were dealing with a lot of stuff then, but now you got rid of everything that was weighing you down and you seem to be in a much better place overall. This could actually be the perfect moment to do it! You aren’t working full-time anymore, and there are so many flexible options you could look into.”

He sighed, feeling the familiar weight of uncertainty coming back to sit on his chest as he whipped the counter more forcefully.

“I don’t know, it feels like I already missed my opportunity. I’m not sure I can handle the stress of balancing work and studies again,” explained Seonghwa, not even trying to hold back the frustration he was feeling right now.

It was a deeply stupid thought, but he kind of wished his friends would stop (lovingly) forcing him to face his own fears and insecurities.

“I get that, I do. I’m not saying you have to do it, I just wanted to put it out there. That’s all,” said Yeosang, expression softening with sympathy. “Just think about it, Seonghwa. You’re so smart, you have a lot of potential. This job can simply be a stepping stone for you to achieve your dreams, you deserve more than constantly living in survival mode.”

He looked around the café, taking in the warm afternoon light and the subtle hum of conversation around them, and actually allowed himself to think about the possibilities. 

The mere idea of going back to university was incredibly daunting, but it also gave him a flutter of excitement. 

Two things he really didn't feel like dealing with right now.

“Perhaps you’re right,” said Seonghwa after a moment of silence. “I want to focus on the new job for now, but I will think about it.”

“That’s the spirit! No pressure, it’s your life at the end of the day. Just remember that you have us all in your corner, ready to support you and help you whenever you need it.”

“Thank you, Yeosang. I really mean it, I don’t know what I’d do without you guys,” he replied, feeling a surge of gratitude and love.

Their friends might be annoying and frustrating sometimes, but he knew they always did it out of love.

“You’d still do great without us because you’re a champion, but it doesn’t hurt to have some extra supp—oh, fuck,” explained his friend before cutting himself off, looking around in a panic for a brief second before pushing Seonghwa away from the register. “Oh my God. What is he doing here? Move.”

“What?” he asked, tripping with his own feet at the sudden aggressive nudge.

“Move. I’ll take this one,” said Yeosang before taking a step back to put as much space as possible between him and the machine. “Actually, no. You take him. I wasn’t mentally prepared to see him today, he was supposed to be back in Seoul by now.”

Seonghwa didn’t even have the chance to repeat his confused question as the bell above the door rang to signal that someone had walked in, making him stand straight and put the customer service smile on automatically as he watched a businessman heading towards them.

“Good afternoon, welcome to Deja Brew. What can I get you?” he asked once he was situated in front of the register once again.

“Oh, hi!” said the newcomer, briefly looking in Yeosang’s direction with a hint of confusion before looking at Seonghwa with a warm smile. “Good afternoon. I’ll take two medium iced lattes and three large iced Americanos to go, please.” 

Something about the palpable tension between both men immediately triggered a clear memory in Seonghwa’s head and made him understand his friend’s strange behavior, vague details coming back to him as he subtly stared at the attractive stranger in front of him.

Broad shoulders. Eye smile. Dimples. Expensive suit. Strong Seoul accent with a hint of southeastern intonation.

Oooh, so you’re The Crush.

“Got it,” said Seonghwa, feeling a smirk tugging the corner of his lip as he could almost feel Yeosang vibrating behind them.

“Also, I’m contractually obligated to say that in one of the Americanos you need to add ‘as many shots of espresso as it’s legally allowed’,” added The Crush, hands coming out of his pockets to actually make the air quotes. “But I’ll let you know that this is his third coffee of the day, so I’ll leave the exact quantity to your discretion as the expert here.”

“Mhm, it depends. How badly do you want this person to stay alive?” he asked as he gathered the right cups.

The man laughed in the loudest and brightest way possible before humming and making an exaggerated thinking face, and Seonghwa definitely understood at that moment why Yeosang hadn’t moved on from this one as quickly as he had with his other fleeing work crushes.

“Considering they basically pay me to keep him alive, I’d very much prefer for him to not die on me any time soon. That’d look terrible on my resume and I have a reputation to uphold,” said the man before leaning over the counter to fake-whisper. “And between you and I: he’s actually a great boss and I kind of like him, especially compared to the rest of his family. He’s a bit emotionally constipated, but I’d still take him over his brother any day.”

“Okay, then we should definitely avoid giving him a caffeine overdose. Anything else?” he asked before turning around with the most innocent face he could muster. “Yeosang, can you help me with this, please?”

Seonghwa smiled as he watched his friend awkwardly come closer, completely ignoring the two sets of eyes fixed on him while he tapped around on the register before wordlessly moving away again.

“Thanks. So sorry about that, today is my first day and I’m still learning my way around here,” said Seonghwa, before focusing back on The Crush. “That’d be ₩22,400”

The stranger immediately looked back into his eyes the moment he spoke, so fast that he almost missed that this man had definitely been staring at Yeosang before he brought his attention back to him.

“Oh, that’s totally okay. I couldn’t even tell, you’ve been very professional,” replied The Crush warmly.

“Thank you! I haven’t worked in a coffee shop since college, but Yeosang over here has been an amazing mentor and I’m learning a lot,” he replied before pointing to his name tag. “My name is Seonghwa, by the way.”

“Oh, I’m San! Nice to meet you,” replied The Crush while tapping his card on the reader.

Very nice to meet you, San.

“Here is your order.”

They both turned around to stare at Yeosang as the other man put the box that contained the coffees down with more force than necessary on the counter.

“Thank you. I, ah, I better leave before my boss blows up my phone asking for his caffeine fix,” explained San, a shadow of hesitation flashing on his face before it went back to its previous bright self. “Nice to meet you again, Seonghwa. Yeosang, it’s been a pleasure, as always.”

All three of them stood in awkward silence for a few extra seconds before San grabbed the box of coffee and gave them one last half-wave, turning around and walking out as quickly as he had appeared.

“What the fuc—”

“Why the fuck did you do all that?” said Yeosang at the same time.

“Someone had to! You didn't even know his name yet, I was speeding up the process a little bit,” explained Seonghwa with a smirk.

“Ugh, he was totally flirting with you. There go any changes I might have had in the past, there’s no way he’s going to pay any attention to me now that you’re around. He’s going to fall in love with you and whisk you away to Seoul with him.”

“Oh my God, I can promise that’s not going to happen. He really, really wasn’t flirting with me. Trust me on that one, he had his eyes on you the whole time,” said Seonghwa, trying to convey how serious he was. “And he’s cute and all, but I’m very much not interested in him. He’s all yours.”

“Right, how could I forget that you’re in your ‘Celibacy Era’,” replied Yeosang innocently while stacking the receipts. “Exceptions for twinks applied, apparently.”

“Oh, come on! You said you wouldn’t mention him ever again! You’ve clowned me enough for that already,” said Seonghwa with an exasperated sigh.

He had hoped Yeosang had forgotten about their embarrassing encounter with Hongjoong by now, but his friend clearly considered it to be a good enough ammo to keep around whenever he needed it.

“You just tried to steal my crush right in front of my face after I gave some friendly and thoughtful life advice, I think I’m allowed to make fun of you one last time.”

“I wasn’t trying to steal your crush! I was just trying to get his name for you! Because you’ve known him for months and haven’t asked for it yourself!” exclaimed Seonghwa.

“Whatever,” replied Yeosang while rolling his eyes. “Just avoid playing matchmaker when I’m already having a meltdown because he came to the café when I wasn’t expecting him, please.”

“Fine. I mean it, though, talk to him. I think he’s clearly into you.”

The bell above the door chimed again, and they both looked up to find a group of teenagers walking in while chatting animatedly.

“Whatever,” said Yeosang again before moving towards the register.

Seonghwa gave him one final glance before stepping aside, holding back the smirk when he noticed that the faint blush coloring his friend’s cheeks hadn’t faded away yet.

Despite the brief awkward encounter, he didn’t regret what he’d done and he was going to keep doing it.

His own weird love life was complicated and dramatic enough as it was, and it only got more difficult as time went by.

He might as well try to bring Yeosang closer to his personal crush from Seoul so Seonghwa could selfishly live vicariously through him.

—

“Should we order some food?”

Seonghwa opened his eyes and lifted his head to stare at Hongjoong from the spot where he was lounging on the couch, all relaxed and freshly fucked because he had ended up being taken from behind right there on the place where they usually enjoyed their pre-sex glass of wine before heading towards the room.

“Wait,” he replied, getting up with some effort and groaning as he stood on weak legs to head towards the table where he had dropped his bag to dig through it. “There’s something I’d like to do before we get distracted again.”

The other man glanced up from the couch where he was also lying lazily in the robe they had hastily thrown on after doing a very poor attempt at cleaning up, a smirk slowly turning his lips up as he watched Seonghwa approach him while hiding whatever he’d just grabbed behind his back.

“It’s nothing naughty,” he added when he sat down next to him again. “So you better wipe that look from your face.”

Hongjoong chuckled. “What look?”

Seonghwa lifted one single eyebrow, a subtle movement that was more than enough to make the other man laugh and lift his hands in mock surrender.

“Okay, no naughty thoughts. Can I ask what it is, then?”

Unable to contain his excitement anymore, he finally showed what he had been hiding with a smile as he shook the box right in front of the man’s face. 

“Ta-da!” exclaimed Seonghwa.

“...and why do you have store-bought hair dye in your bag, exactly?” asked Hongjoong with confused amusement.

“For you!” he replied with the same excited tone. “You said you wanted to dye your hair last time we met, so I’m taking matters into my own hands and making it happen.”

“I, huh, I don’t know if that’s a good idea. Father wouldn’t approve, I thi—”

“Who gives a shit about your father? Fuck family and all that, remember? And I chose a very natural brown color, anyway, it’s only slightly lighter than your current shade. Nothing too wild, I promise,” said Seonghwa before leaning over to smirk playfully. “At least for now.”

Hongjoong snorted. “You know I can afford to pay for an actual professional if I actually wanted to change my hairstyle, right? You don’t need to do all of this for me.”

“There’s no need for a professional. It’s just regular brown dye, you don’t need to bleach beforehand or anything fancy. I’ve done this dozens of times for myself and my friends, it’ll be fine,” explained Seonghwa with a determined tone as he opened the box. “Now, shut up and let me dye your hair.”

Before Hongjoong could protest further, he pulled him to his feet and led him towards the bathroom, where Seonghwa pushed the other man down to sit on the stool by the sink and lowered both of their very white robes to get them out of the way while still keeping their crotches covered.

“Fine. I give up. You’re right, fuck family,” conceded Hongjoong with a laugh before getting more comfortable in his seat. “Let’s dye my hair brown, but if this goes horribly wrong, I’m blaming you personally.”

Seonghwa’s grin widened as he set all the materials on the polished marble surface of the counter before preparing the dye, shaking the bottle with practiced ease before playfully giving him a peck on the lips.

“Trust me, you won’t regret this. You’re going to look even hotter with this color, I can feel it.”

As he worked to apply the dye with gentle but precise strokes, their giggles occasionally breaking the silence to add to the mischievous aura that filled the bathroom as Hongjoong kept running his lips down his chest and groping whatever piece of flesh he could reach whenever Seonghwa had to lean over him to spread the dye properly.

“I think you missed a spot in the back,” said Hongjoong innocently before grabbing a handful of naked ass under the robe and pushing him even closer. “Let me help you reach it.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” he replied before not-so-playfully hitting the man’s shoulder with his forearm. “Stop moving or I will actually miss a spot!”

Hongjoong laughed, but finally let go of his ass to sit back down and let Seonghwa finish the last touches before moving back to look proudly at his handiwork.

Once he had made sure that every piece of thick hair was covered with the dye, he took the gloves off and checked the time to know when to wash it off before looking into the man’s eyes through the mirror with a smug look on his face.

“See? Not so bad, if I do say so myself.”

Hongjoong snorted and got closer to the mirror to check every angle, looking equal parts impressed and surprised as he confirmed that he didn’t have any stains on his skin before he grabbed Seonghwa’s arm to bring down and make him sit on his lap.

He yelped when he immediately felt a half-hard dick he hadn’t even noticed before poking his ass, air thickening with electric charge in barely a couple of seconds as their eyes met through the mirror once again.

“You’re right,” said Hongjoong, breath hitching slightly when he grabbed his face to make him look directly into his face. “Not bad at all.”

Their mouths met halfway in a tender kiss that quickly turned heated as teeth sank on Seonghwa’s lower lip, bodies pressing closer when hands came into the picture at the same time to explore familiar skin.

He couldn’t help the moan that escaped him when he felt fingers slowly moving down his back before settling on his ass once again, each touch igniting a warm trail that only served to fuel the fire that was spreading inside him.

“I was trying to very professionally dye your hair here and you had to get in the way by being horny,” said Seonghwa, words coming out breathless and without any real bite in them.

“You had your hard nipples all up my face the whole time, how am I supposed to not get turned on when you do that? I’m nothing but a simple man.” 

Hongjoong didn’t even give him any time to reply before grabbing his hips, lifting him up just enough to be able to attach his lips around the aforementioned hard nipple.

“It’s not my fault you keep your AC so damn low all the time,” he replied half-heartedly, hand gripping the man’s shoulder tightly to avoid pushing it into the dye on his hair.

“What else am I supposed to do? Things always get particularly heated when you’re around, I have no other choice,” said Hongjoong with a smirk as he untied both of their robes to push them out of the way before bringing him even closer on his lap. “How long do we have until it’s time to wash it off?”

“Like 20 minutes,” he replied, knowing exactly where this was headed even before he felt the man’s hand moving slowly towards his ass again.

“More than enough.”

He laughed and grabbed Hongjoong’s face to tilt his head back just enough to get access to his lips again, wrapping his arms around his shoulders when he initiated a kiss that was immediately deepened as tongues came to greet one another, half-hard dicks rubbing against each other when Seonghwa started to awkwardly move his hips in a humping motion without putting too much force into it to avoid tipping them both over.

“We should probably move to a more comfortable place,” he whispered, scooting back on the man’s lap to put some distance between them before things got even more heated.

The wooden stool they were sitting on seemed to be quite sturdy and made with quality materials, but he very much doubted it’d be able to stand the combined weight of two grown men having sex on top of it.

Hongjoong didn’t even bother replying to that, though, he simply brought him closer once again and moved his lips down Seonghwa’s jaw to kiss his neck instead as his hands went back to grab his ass and help him establish a nice rhythm for the humping motion.

He sighed and closed his eyes, fingertips digging into the man’s shoulder to fight his natural urge to push them in his hair when their movements became more desperate as the hard dicks trapped between their bodies started to leak pre-cum that was making the drag a lot smoother and more pleasurable.

Seonghwa knew that naked humping without any protection wasn’t particularly safe and he should put a stop to it before it got out of control, but he could only whine when he felt the hands on his ass moving to spread his cheeks apart before touching his tender opening.

There was no resistance when Hongjoong pushed two fingers inside at once, hole loose and slick with the leftover lube they had used less than an hour ago when Seonghwa got pounded while leaning over the back of the couch. 

“Can I fuck you again?”

“Yes,” he replied immediately, arching his back to give the other man better access and wrapping his own hand around Hongjoong’s dick to jerk him off. “No need for that, I’m already open.”

If he had learned something in the time they’d been doing this, was that this man would never miss on the opportunity to play around with Seonghwa’s stretched hole even when it meant that the actual fucking had to be put on hold for a while, so the fact that his plea was completely ignored was entirely unsurprising.

“Just fuck me,” he said, punctuating the word with a particularly tight grip on the dick he was holding.

This time he did get a choked sound as a reply before Hongjoong finally pulled his fingers out, only to push that same hand in the pocket of the discarded robe to magically retrieve a condom that he immediately handed over to him.

Seonghwa stared at the packet for a second, wondering when the man had even put that in there without him noticing, before grabbing it and tearing it open to roll it over Hongjoong’s erection and line it up with his hole.

“Wait, we should get more lu—”

“No need,” he replied before sinking down, groaning when the fat head slipped past the ring of muscle.

Hongjoong tended to use obscene amounts of lube every time they had anal sex, which Seonghwa usually appreciated, so the slightly dry drag felt almost foreign as he continued to move slowly.

“Fuck.”

He inhaled sharply before resting his weight on the man’s shoulders while he continued to take it centimeter by centimeter until Seonghwa was finally sitting down on his thighs, the man’s hard dick nested deep inside him as he gave himself a moment to get used to the fullness of it.

“You took it so well, my good boy,” whispered Hongjoong against his forehead, hands gently running over his back in an attempt to comfort him. “Always so good for me.”

None of them had openly acknowledged the new recurring use of that particular term, but the other man hadn’t hesitated to add it to his extensive repertoire of compliments once he had realized that the words ‘good boy’ always made Seonghwa’s breath get a little bit more shallow and got his heart to beat a little bit faster.

He closed his eyes just to get away from Hongjoong’s gaze before finally lifting himself up until only the tip of the man’s dick was left inside him, just to slowly sink back all the way down right after, groaning as the gentle friction sent hot sparks down his spine.

The pace and the angle were awkward and slow because their bodies were pressed too close together since they didn’t have enough room to have any kind of real range of motion, but it was still intense enough to have them desperately chasing their own pleasure as they tried to set a nice rhythm without falling off.

“So fucking good,” whimpered Seonghwa, finally giving into temptation and pushing his right hand into the slick mess that was currently the man’s hair. “You always feel so good.”

“That’s my line,” replied Hongjoong breathlessly before leaning down to bite down hard on his nipple.

Seonghwa had been trying to be careful and keep the thrusts gentle to avoid putting too much exertion on the stool, but soon enough he found himself not caring about that in the slightest as his hips movements became more frantic while he continued to ride the thick cock that was stretching his insides.

Their combined panting sounded incredibly desperate as it bounced on the bathroom walls, moans getting even louder when Seonghwa started to feel his climax approaching quickly as the combined pleasure of being fucked open while his wet dick slid wetly in the tight space between their abdomens became too intense for him to bear.

He clearly wasn’t the only one getting close to the edge, judging by the urgency in the way Hongjoong was sucking on whatever piece of skin it could get access to as Seonghwa continued riding him, so it wasn’t surprising when the other man also decided that the delicate stability they had on the stool wasn’t a priority anymore either.

Hongjoong grabbed his hips to push him down much harder, bodies awkwardly but frantically working together to reach the orgasms that both of them could feel approaching astoundingly fast – so fast that it only took a few more thrusts before the man’s fingertips sank into his skin, pinning him down to push his dick even deeper as he came with a whine.

Seonghwa didn’t bother giving him a break to enjoy the afterglow, so incredibly close to his own climax that he went back to riding Hongjoong's oversensitive dick the moment the grip on his hips loosened while his clean left hand moved down to jerk himself off quickly.

He saw white sparks flash behind his closed eyelids when his orgasm hit him so hard that a pained whine came out of his lips as the pleasure spread through every nerve, sending tingly warm waves that had quickly spread all over his body and robbed him of all rational thought by the time he finally fell bonelessly against Hongjoong’s chest, completely spent and sated and covered in goosebumps as he panted into the man’s sweaty skin.

“I don’t want to ruin the moment, but my back is killing me and I’m about to fall off the stool and bring you down with me.”

Seonghwa laughed and sat straight, finally taking his weight off Hongjoong and getting up slowly to rest against the sink while he tried to regain the strength in his legs as he stared as the other man got rid of the condom.

“This is definitely going to leave a stain,” he muttered, showing the other man the dye that had transferred to his fingers in the heat of the moment.

“Why are you pouting at me? It’s your own fault for touching my hair,” replied Hongjoong with a playful smirk, but he still got up and turned on the faucet to gently place the soiled hand under the stream to try to wash the tint on Seonghwa's skin away.

“Excuse you, it’s your fault for initiating sex while we’re in the middle of dyeing your hair!” exclaimed Seonghwa, grimacing when he noticed that he had also left a dark smear on the man’s shoulder at some point. “I think it’s better if we just take a shower.”

“Yeah, probably a good idea.”

They got in the shower to wash the dye away in comfortable silence, the gentle rhythm of the hand movements adding to the already soothing sensation of the orgasms that had left them both standing placidly on wobbly legs.

Seonghwa couldn’t help but make an appreciative noise after he finished blowing the man’s newly dyed hair with the dryer after that, pushing his fingers through the thick locks to try to style it as best as he could without any product at hand.

“Look at you,” he purred, a smirk coming up to join the sultry tone. “I told you you’d look even hotter.”

Hongjoong snorted shyly while keeping his eyes clearly fixed on him through the mirror instead of looking at the final look like he was supposed to, an unfamiliar soft glow adding a new gentle emotion to their usual intensity, something that made warmth spread under Seonghwa's skin as he fidgeted under the heaviness of that gaze.

“Huh, see? It’s a very natural color too. It won’t look out of place in a corporate setting,” he added breathlessly.

He finally broke the direct eye contact to look at the hair once again when Hongjoong failed to acknowledge what he’d just said, moving to tidy things up on the counter instead just to keep his hands busy while he ignored the obvious blush he could feel spreading on his own face.

“Thank you.”

The solemn tone in the man’s voice made him look up again, making him feel choked up before he laughed and did a dismissive hand wave to try to lighten the weird tension in the air.

“I spent like 15 minutes applying cheap store-bought dye to your hair in the bathroom of your suite, you don't need to thank me for that.”

“I do, actually, but it isn’t just that. You…” said Hongjoong before he cut himself off, soft smile becoming a stark contrast with the suffocating intensity in his eyes. “I don’t know. You remembered something silly I said in passing two weeks ago, and then went out of your way to do it for me when you truly didn’t have to. It’s very sweet and I really appreciate it, so thank you.”

He shifted awkwardly as he tried to hold back the stupid tears that he could feel building up at the sincerity in the man’s words, nodding tensely in reply when he failed to come up with something that would express how he felt without making it sound like a big deal.

Just be normal, Park Seonghwa. You don’t have to get emotional every time he treats you nicely.

“Anyway,” added Hongjoong, finally breaking eye contact and looking at his own reflection in the mirror. “It looks fantastic, way better than I expected. You actually did a great job, you’d have a bright future as a hair stylist if you ever chose to change career paths.”

He chuckled, feeling some of the tension he’d been feeling fade away now that he didn’t have that gaze staring into his very soul.

“Thanks,” he replied. “You never know what the future holds, so I’ll keep it in mind.”

None of them said anything else as they finished tidying things up in the bathroom before moving back into the bedroom, where they laid just as wordlessly in the comfort of the cool fresh sheets as their bodies immediately sought one another even though none of them tried to initiate sex.

Seonghwa’s calm thoughts drifted to the idea of finally ordering some of that room service because they inevitably ended up falling asleep, but a soft voice interrupted his plans before he could bring them up out loud.

“Can I ask you something?” said Hongjoong suddenly, his tone tentative yet serious. “You can choose to not reply, obviously.”

“Sure,” he replied, feeling some apprehension coming to live in the pit of his stomach.

“How did you end up doing this job?”

The question hung heavily in the air for a brief moment, and Seonghwa took a deep breath as he contemplated just how honest he should really be with the answer to that question.

“Someone offered to pay me for sex once. I wasn’t going to say yes at first, but then one thing led to another and it ended up happening. After that I just…” he paused, trying to find the right words. “Kept doing it. I had no moral qualms about it and I really needed the money at the time, so why not? He was willing to pay for it and I was going to give it to him anyway.”

A flicker of bright recognition immediately appeared in Hongjoong’s eyes as he carefully studied his face in silence, and Seonghwa allowed the mask to slip off just the tiniest bit to try to show all the things he was too much of a coward to say.

Come one, figure it out. Put two and two together.

The tense stillness lasted so long that he almost felt like the weird mix of fear and hope in his chest was going to choke him, but then Hongjoong simply snorted and shook his head before looking away from his face to focus on running his fingers down Seonghwa’s chest instead.

“Can’t say I blame him, to be honest. I’m pretty sure I understand the temptation better than anyone. In an entirely selfish way, I’m actually glad he did something like that, or we'd never have gotten the chance to meet.”

Seonghwa’s heart started beating painfully fast, unsure if he was actually hearing some sort of self-awareness in Hongjoong’s voice or if his wishful thinking was simply playing tricks on him.

Do you really not know I’m talking about you?

“Can I ask something else?”

Seonghwa didn’t trust his voice at that moment, so he simply nodded.

“Do you have many clients?” asked Hongjoong, voice stable as he continued to stare at the invisible figures he was drawing on his chest.

“Do you really want to know that?”

Seonghwa knew they were venturing into very dangerous territory, because he was feeling so nervous and vulnerable right now that he wasn’t completely sure he’d be able to keep the act together and actually lie to him if he was actually forced to answer that question.

“Not really, but I…” said Hongjoong before pausing, the deafening silence washing over them once again for a moment while he continued to create patterns on his skin. “I know I really shouldn’t be doing this after the accidental fuck up I did the last time I tried to test your boundaries, but I’m going to say it anyway. I’m going to make you an offer, but that’s all it is, okay? You can simply reject it without any further explanation and the conversation ends here. We continue to stick to our current arrangement and nothing changes.”

Seonghwa’s already fast heartbeat picked up the pace even more, making him feel lightheaded as the serious look and tone in the man’s voice felt extremely reminiscent of a different conversation they’d had in this exact same place on a night just like this one – the one that had sealed the deal and led them down this dangerous path in the first place.

Once again, he nodded, curiosity mingling with the panic as he watched the other man swallow nervously while mustering the courage he needed to say whatever he wanted to say.

“We’re finally launching the product that has brought me to Busan every other week, and I have to stick around more than usual for the last sprint while we get everything ready. I’ll be here for a month or so, maybe more if we run into any last-minute issues, and I was wondering…” added Hongjoong, pausing to take a subtle breath before finally looking up to meet his eyes again. “If you’d be up for a different fixed arrangement during that time. As in, I’d like to see you more often while I’m in town. Not just for sex! That’d be part of it, of course, but I think it’d be cool if we could meet for dinner or to go shopping or just walk around. I’ve never really bothered exploring the city during my business trips and it’d be fun to do it with a local.”

Seonghwa opened his mouth to answer, not a sound coming out as his brain processed the unexpected proposal.

“You can decide how many times per week we can meet, and what kind of non-sexual activities you’d be comfortable doing with me. You can set a price and whatever other bonuses you feel would be fair for such a demanding arrangement. You can set all the rules and boundaries you want, but there’s one single thing I’d like to ask from you in exchange,” added Hongjoong, voice shining with a hint of that former insecurity that Seonghwa hadn’t heard in a while. “I’d like to be your only client during that time. I know asking for that is extremely entitled and greedy of me, and that it might not even be possible to execute even if you’re up for it, but I’d very much prefer it.”

Seonghwa swallowed with some difficulty through the sudden dryness in his mouth, desperately wishing that they hadn’t left the wine on the other side of this stupidly massive suite so he’d have access to some liquid courage right now.

“So, basically, you want to pay me even more money to temporarily drop my other clients so I can be more available for you. Not just for sex, but also to actually go out and do stuff around the city. Is that it?” he said finally with what he hoped was a convincing playful tone that would ease the tension that was threatening to choke him. “Mr. Kim, it almost sounds like you want me to be your sugar baby.”

The awkward laugh that came to his lips after his nervous speech sounded fake even to his own ears, and it also did absolutely nothing to lessen the weirdly charged energy in the air.

“Yes,” replied Hongjoong easily with the same serious tone he’d kept during the whole conversation. “If that’s how you’d describe my offer, then yes. That is exactly what I want, and I’d be willing to pay big bucks to make it happen.”

Silence fell around them again, their breathing sounding abnormally loud in the unbearable stillness.

“Okay,” he replied finally. “Can I have some time to think about it?”

Miraculously, and for the first time since they’d known each other, Seonghwa had enough self-preservation to not get too caught up in Hongjoong’s hypnotic aura and mindlessly answer ‘yes’ to every offer without having the time and space to give it any proper thought.

By now, he was more than aware that he was incapable of rational thinking when he was drowning in the ocean of conflicting emotions that came from being in this man’s presence, and this particular proposal was heavy enough to actually make him stop in his tracks.

“Of course. I know it’s a lot to process, so take all the time you need,” replied Hongoong with a gentle smile before slapping his hands down on his own thighs. “Anyway, I’m starving. Shall we order some room service? Want your usual?”

The tension in the room seemed to ease considerably with the change of topic, and Seonghwa nodded briefly in response as he felt himself relax a little bit more when the other man got up and walked towards the phone to dial the right number.

The idea of a fixed arrangement that would make them spend more time together in a context that wasn’t exclusively sexual was both enticing and terrifying, as most things involving this man always seemed to be.

Seonghwa had enough self-awareness to know that this went far beyond the logistical complexities of a new arrangement, and that bonding even more with Hongjoong would only make the messy line that contained his confused thoughts and feelings become even more blurry.

The terrifying potential of becoming even more emotionally invested in this arrangement should have been an obvious glaring siren, a red warning urging Seonghwa to stay as far away as possible.

But, as expected, that danger only made the offer look even more enticing.

–

“Can we talk?”

Wooyoung clearly hadn’t been expecting Seonghwa to barge into the living room where his friend had just sat down with a bunch of snacks and the remote control, but he seemed to immediately sense the gravity of the situation as he put everything down with a loud sigh.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake. What happened now?”

Things between them had gotten less tense since Wooyoung had slowly stopped playing the role of the overprotective mother, even if their relationship hadn’t quite returned to its pre-intervention normalcy, and the last thing Seonghwa wanted was to trigger that vigilant behavior once again – but he desperately needed an objective external opinion.

He couldn’t really bring it up to Yunho, who didn’t seem to fully understand the real complexity of his relationship with Hongjoong and always ended up turning it into a bunch of sex jokes. He’d even considered telling Yeosang the whole story from the beginning just to get some insight, but Seonghwa really didn’t want to drop the bomb on him like that when he was already this far into it.

And sharing any of this with Jongho wasn’t even an option he was willing to entertain.

“It’s nothing bad, I promise!” exclaimed Seonghwa before sitting down next to him. “I’ve just found myself in a predicament and I don't know what to do.”

He took a massive deep breath before explaining the situation in a rush, voice getting more high-pitched and anxious as the words kept coming out in a panicked rant while he detailed both the offer Hongjoong had made and the internal conflicts it had stirred within him.

“You have to say no, Seonghwa,” said Wooyoung firmly the moment he finished talking. “You can’t even maintain a detached and transactional relationship with this guy in your current arrangement, what do you think is going to happen after you play boyfriend with him for a month?”

“I know. I just…” he trailed off, resting back against the couch as he tried to push back all the excuses he’d been repeating to himself for a whole week now. “I’m aware the answer seems to be very obvious, but it’s really not that easy. I have a lot of trouble saying no to him.”

“And that’s precisely why you need to do it!” exclaimed Wooyoung, eyes softening with sympathy at the obvious struggle in his eyes. “You shouldn’t even be meeting with him at all because you are already emotionally invested, an arrangement like the one you mention would only make things much worse. You’re actually falling for your sugar daddy, you need to nip this in the bud before it’s too late.”

“I’m not falling for him,” he replied quickly, rehearsed words coming easily to him. “I like him, I’ll admit that, but—”

“Seonghwa, please. Don’t even try that shit with me, I know you too fucking well.”

He sighed deeply, the uncomfortable and sharp feeling of self-awareness hitting him square on the chest as his friend voiced the thoughts he had always been too scared to properly face head on.

“I have a lot of intense and confusing feelings for him, that’s true, and I know they’re a big part of why I’m even considering accepting the offer,” he admitted, voice dropping out a near whisper. “But that's not the only reason.”

Wooyoung stayed quiet after that, immediately noticing that Seonghwa needed some time and space to gather the courage to voice the scary thoughts that had been plaguing his mind for days now.

“I’m not completely sure about this, I only began to entertain the idea recently, but...” he explained finally, feeling a bit more confident the more he spoke. “I think I want to go back to school.”

Wooyoung’s eyes widened in surprise, mouth falling open in silent shock before a loud squeal escaped him.

“Are you for real?! Seonghwa, that’s amazing!”

“I haven’t made a final decision yet! It’s just that Yeosang brought it up recently and I've been giving it some real thought. I feel like I might be in the right place to consider picking up where I left off, and I can’t deny it’s all due to Hong—this guy,” he replied with a small smile on his lips, catching himself before he managed to accidentally spill the name he’d been fiercely protecting all this time. “Thanks to him, I’d have enough savings to go back to school without having to worry about money for a real while. Especially if I actually accept his new offer and ask for a big bonus.”

He didn't mention any of the other ways in which Hongjoong had helped him get to this better place because he knew it’d only make him sound even more emotionally invested, but he knew his friend could hear the silent words anyway.

“That’s wonderful news, Seonghwa. I’ll admit Yeosang had already told me that he mentioned it to you because it’s something we’ve discussed a few times in the past. We all know how much you used to love the idea of being a teacher, and we just want you to fulfill your dreams and be happy,” explained Wooyoung before grabbing his hand in a comforting gesture.

“I know you’re all looking out for me and I appreciate it. I’m aware this whole thing sounds like I’m just making excuses because I like him, but his offer actually feels like the second chance I’ve been needing to truly figure out what I really want in many ways,” explained Seonghwa as he returned the gentle grip.

Wooyoung sighed, a look of tired resignation taking over his face.

“Look, it’s not that I personally have anything against this mysterious guy. It sounds like he treats you really well, based on the limited information you’re willing to share. I just don't want you to end up in a messy romantic situation all over again, we all know you don't make the most rational decisions when you're in love. Or heartbroken, for that matter. And you’re on the right track to be both because of him.”

Seonghwa pouted and stayed quiet, knowing that he couldn’t really deny any of that because he was completely right, which prompted his friend to sign and run his free hand through his hair in defeat. 

“I can't believe I'm going to actually say this, but I guess this doesn’t have to end badly. It does seem like he likes you enough to want to see you exclusively and actually spend some quality time with you outside sex. Maybe this is just an unconventional way of getting yourself a rich husband,” said Wooyoung, tone teasing and light for the first time since they started talking.

“Aw, go fuck yourself,” replied Seonghwa, feeling some of the tension ease off when a laugh made its way out of his chest as he slapped his friend’s shoulder playfully.

Comfortable silence fell around them for a moment, hands still joined together in a gentle but firm grip while they both tried to figure out what else could they possibly add to this conversation.

“Hey, I should have said this a long time ago, but I apologize for going off on you during our intervention. I think I’ve been projecting my own shit onto you and your situation, and that isn’t fair. I was deeply hurt by the idea that you'd consider sex work something bad or dirty, but I guess that might be because I still feel like it is sometimes.”

Seonghwa gasped loudly, completely taken aback by the shockingly unexpected words.

His friend had always seemed extremely confident of himself and proud of his work, and he’d never shown any kind of behavior that would imply otherwise in all these years.

“Wooyo…” he whispered, too stunned to say anything else.

“But you know what? I'm starting to understand that our experiences when it comes to this are very different, so there's a real possibility that your sugar daddy is also different from the men I’m used to dealing with,” explained Wooyoung, clearly not wanting to dig deeper into his personal feelings. “The longer you drag this out the messier it’ll become, though, regardless of how sweet he is. If you truly want to have a real romantic relationship with him, you need to consider putting a stop to the transactional nature of it as soon as possible.”

Seonghwa resisted the urge to probe further into the fears and insecurities his friend had just hinted at, the ones he embarrassingly hadn’t even known existed, deciding to let it go for now and not pressure Wooyoung into talking about it if he wasn’t ready to open up yet.

“That’s the thing, I don’t really know if that’s what I want…” replied Seonghwa honestly. “I don't think it's what he wants either. Our sexual chemistry is amazing and we clearly like each other well enough, that much is clear, but I feel like we both know we wouldn’t work out as an actual couple. We belong in such different worlds, I can't see them blending well together.”

“Well, then you need to figure out what you want before you add yet another layer of complexity to this situation. You asked for my advice, right? So here it is,” said Wooyoung while maintaining direct eye contact with him. “If you think you can actually spend a whole month playing boyfriend without getting too attached in exchange of a good sum of money that would help you go back to school, then go ahead and do it. But if you think that by doing this you’d potentially mess things up again now that you’re finally getting back on your feet, then it’s not worth the potential heartbreak. Put yourself first, Seonghwa, you need to choose whatever would be best for your own well-being.”

He groaned as he felt the beginnings of a strong headache throbbing on his forehead. 

“It sounds so easy when you say it, but I don’t know how to do that,” whispered Seonghwa.

“Then you should use this opportunity to learn.”

They both snorted at that before Wooyoung scooted closer to silently wrap his arms around him in a comfortable hug that spoke of comfort and support louder than any of the words he could say, tension easing up when Seonghwa allowed himself to melt into the embrace, resting his head on his friend’s shoulder as he pondered the implications of his advice while the words echoed painfully loud in his mind.

The temptation of testing how compatible he truly was with Hongjoong while also getting the chance to return to school was incredibly tempting, but were they really worth the risk of sending his self-confidence and mental health back to square one?

He hated that the answer to his question laid precisely on the one thing he had always failed to do.

Putting myself first.

–

Seonghwa paced back and forth in the small room, heart pounding against his ribcage and phone held tightly in his hand as he rehearsed the conversation for what seemed like the hundreth time in his head.

With one final deep breath, he forced himself to calm down before the nerves got the best of him and finally pressed that call button as his heart raced even faster when the tone started to echo in his ear.

“Hey,” replied Hongjoong once the call had finally connected after what seemed like an eternity, even though the other man had been waiting for it.

They had never spoken on the phone before, communicating only via text and sticking to the bare minimum needed to schedule their appointments, so something about hearing the sound of his voice inside this bedroom made Seonghwa feel unexpectedly shy.

“Hey. Sorry for randomly asking you to talk on a call like this, I promise it’ll be quick. I just didn’t want to discuss this over text,” he mimicked, swallowing hard and trying to make his voice sound steady before continuing. “I, huh, I’ve thought about your offer and I’m willing to sit down to negotiate the details. If you’re still interested, that is.”

There was a brief pause on the line, and he could vividly picture that stupidly attractive smirk taking over the man’s face when he realized that this meant Seonghwa was considering accepting the proposal.

“Oh,” said Hongjoong, tone surprised but pleased. “Yes, of course I’m interested! Why don’t we meet a bit earlier than usual next week so we can discuss it over dinner?”

Seonghwa slumped against the wall, gathering the courage he needed to keep moving forward with a decision that would have a profound impact on their relationship and his life as a whole, a decision that would change things forever and would make it impossible to ever go back to their original status quo.

He had given this a lot of rational thought while taking into consideration Wooyoung’s advice of putting himself first for once, and by doing that he had come to the conclusion that taking the offer was the best decision he could make to secure his future.

It had taken some time, but his mind was made up: this would be his final act of self-preservation.

Seonghwa would accept Hongjoong’s offer, bask in the feeling of delusional bliss for a month, and then break things off to walk away with enough money to start anew without any distractions that would lead him astray again.

By doing that, he'd have everything he needed to turn his life around and go back to the path he was always supposed to follow to become the person he'd always wanted to be, the one his teenage self had always dreamed of being - the one he had buried deep inside him because he had prioritized men over his own self on two separate occasions.

And he simply refused to make that same mistake a third time.

He knew ending things with Hongjoong was going to be difficult, especially if their month together proved that they really were as compatible as he suspected, but he also knew this was what he needed to do. 

He didn't even think entertaining the idea of having a real relationship with the man was even worth it at this point, because Seonghwa could now admit to himself that he had ruined his own chances before they even started, and he was progressively making it worse when he continued to play along with it.

He had slapped the ‘purely transactional’ label on their dynamic from the very beginning and it was far too late to turn back now, because (whether he wanted to admit it or not) he knew what Wooyoung had said during his ‘intervention’ was right.

Hongjoong saw him as a prostitute, and he would always continue to do so even if they found themselves in the best case scenario and they decided to go forward with a real non-transactional relationship at some point. He would always have the ultimate ammo to throw to his face when things got bad, because Seonghwa would simply never be able to erase their past.

He had allowed himself to become a shell while chasing after 'nice guys' who deceivingly seemed to be the perfect man of his dreams before, and he had to put a stop to this before he ended up stuck in the same cycle once more.

He had spent years betraying Past Seonghwa while setting Future Seonghwa up for failure in the process over and over again, but this time he was going to put himself first, even if he had to end up breaking his own heart in the process.

He stared at his reflection in the mirror that sat on the other side of the room, looking at the way determination was hardening his gaze in a way he hadn’t seen in a really long time, shoulders squaring up and chest puffing out to try to translate all that conviction into the single-word answer he had already carelessly used way too many times before in response to Hongjoong’s offers.

“Deal.”

Chapter Text

“Oh, sorry.”

Seonghwa’s apology didn’t even get acknowledged when he moved out of the way to dodge the annoyed-looking salaryman who almost crashed into him, weight shifting from one foot to the other as he glared at the back of the stranger’s head.

The hot humidity of the summer air was beginning to cling to his skin while he stood awkwardly by the entrance of the Italian restaurant Hongjoong had chosen for today, gaze carefully fixed on the floor to avoid making accidental eye contact with anyone while he waited.

The dinner shift had already started, and the faint whiffs of garlic and herbs that were traveling his way every time the door swung open were making his mouth water and his stomach growl, but not even the delicious smell did anything to calm the nerves that were pooling in his belly.

Seonghwa checked his watch for the sixth time in the last 10 minutes, silently cursing himself for arriving a full hour and a half early to their scheduled time and ending up looking like a total sweaty weirdo standing on the sidewalk by the restaurant. 

He had known that he was probably going to regret it before he even left the apartment, and yet he hadn’t been able to hold himself back any longer after spending the whole day pacing around in his bedroom while going crazy with anxiety.

He kind of regretted asking for the day off at the coffee shop at that moment too, since he was starting to think that he had missed the opportunity to use the mindless distraction only a good rush hour could provide to stop himself from overthinking.

Seonghwa stopped himself when he realized he was about to run his fingers through his carefully styled hair, sighing as he tried to calm himself down and prepare for what was probably going to be one of the most embarrassing conversions he’d ever had. 

He’d had many of those with Hongjoong since they met, but this whole situation felt so new and foreign and uncomfortable that he was also regretting agreeing to this proposal to begin with.

One could argue that Seonghwa had spent so many hours feeling nervous and vulnerable around this man that he’d be used to it by now, and yet here he was.

Besides their initial encounters at the bar and the occasional late-night trip to the hotel restaurant, he had only met with Hongjoong in the confines of secluded rooms under the privacy of the dark sky, so everything about this current setting was making him feel even more uneasy than he had expected.

They were about to see each other in broad daylight in a very public space, a place close enough to the SIGNIEL to make him feel weirdly grounded and safe, but still far enough to also make him feel like he was standing on completely uncharted territory.

He took another deep breath and checked the time again, playing with the Cartier bracelet on his right wrist in an attempt to soothe himself as he rehearsed what he was going to say for the hundredth time while trying not to spiral into a panic attack.

Seonghwa was fully aware that he had been the one who had agreed to this new arrangement, but he still wished they could just skip ahead to whatever was going to happen after this awkward conversation.

His heart did a flip inside his rib cage when he saw a familiar silhouette in the distance, the comforting sight of Hongjoong coming into focus when he noticed his presence and approached him with a shy smile, making Seonghwa straighten up and swallow while he tried to push the turmoil of emotions away.

Even in his nervousness, he couldn’t help but notice that the other man had clearly put extra effort in his appearance today, and he was momentarily sidetracked by the smooth chest that was peeking through Hongjoong’s shirt and the way the evening light was reflecting on his sunglasses.

“Hey,” he said, in what he hoped was a steady voice, the moment they were within hearing distance.

“Hi,” replied Hongjoong, sounding as uncertain and awkward as he felt. “You’re early.”

Seonghwa smiled. “So are you.”

The other man chuckled, sending a quick look to the restaurant door before checking his watch and humming.

“Yeah, you got me there,” added Hongjoong before pointing at him. “You look gorgeous.”

“So do you,” he replied in an embarrassingly breathless tone.

They both stood in uncomfortable silence for a moment, nervously looking at their surroundings to avoid staring at each other while a familiar tension Seonghwa hadn’t felt in a while hung over them.

“Our reservation is in 73 minutes. I’m sure I could talk them into letting us in early if we want, but we could also…” explained Hongjoong before pausing to gather his courage. “We could just take a walk before dinner and have that chat in the meantime.”

A wave of relief crashed over Seonghwa to lessen some of that ever-present anxiety when he heard those words, and he nodded enthusiastically to show how much he appreciated the idea.

“A walk sounds great.”

They stayed in the exact same spot for another painfully long moment before they turned around to walk down the street, the distant sound of chatting coming from the busy Haeundae beach filling the silence as they walked side by side – close enough to be able to talk comfortably, but far enough to not make the interaction seem too intimate.

Seonghwa played with the hem of his shirt nervously while he focused on the way the light was casting a golden reflection on the sea, looking at the sun go down in the distance before taking a deep breath and standing tall to try to sound as secure as possible while he delivered the speech he had prepared.

“So,” he said softly, feeling the weight in his chest get heavier with each step. “As I mentioned briefly over the phone, I’m open to have a more engaging and exclusive arrangement with you during your short-term stay in Busan, but only if you agree to my terms first.”

Hongjoong turned his head to look at him and nod as another soft smile appeared on the man's lips, visibly acknowledging that he’d heard what he said without adding anything else to the conversation before Seonghwa had the chance to lay out the ground rules.

“I accept your request to be my only client during this period. I get why that’d make things much easier for the both of us in this context, and I promise I’ll keep my part of the deal as long as you keep yours,” he continued, feeling a sudden rush of adrenaline that was making talking much easier. “Regarding the non-sexual activities you want us to do: I can’t think of anything I wouldn’t be willing to do, but I reserve the right to refuse to be part of something at any given moment if it makes me feel too exposed or uncomfortable.”

They both slowed down the pace as they finally looked at each other properly, heart pounding inside Seonghwa’s chest as he found himself unable to make direct eye contact through the man’s tinted glasses while Hongjoong nodded again without losing his calm smile.

“Seems fair.”

“No more than three meetings per week,” he added, his tone firming up as the courage started to build up. “Just because you’d be my only client doesn’t mean that I don’t have other responsibilities and things to do with my time.”

“Also fair, I’m going to be pretty busy too.”

“I’ve settled on a price too…” replied Seonghwa, gauging Hongjoong’s reaction for a second before continuing. “I want 25 million for the whole month, 10 upfront.”

Talking about the money so straightforwardly was incredibly uncomfortable for him, but he had to submit the paperwork to go back to school soon and he wasn’t going to let shame get in the way of his plans.

Not this time.

This time he had to assert himself and set his terms, or he'd risk losing the momentum.

This time he had to prioritize Future Seonghwa over everything (and everyone) else.

“Deal,” replied Hongjoong playfully and without any hesitation, an obvious throwback to all the times Seonghwa himself had ended up using that single word to seal their agreements.

He snorted, tension easing up slightly as they went back to more familiar although comfortable energy after the terms settled into place without major issues or disagreements, not that he had expected any to begin with.

Seonghwa knew that this was just the beginning of the brand new uncharted territory they were about to venture in together and there would be other uncomfortable moments, but they had reached an agreement – and, for now, that was all that mattered.

They fell in a more comfortable silence again as they walked down the avenue that ran parallel to the beach, getting momentarily distracted by the buzzing scene of tourists and locals alike mingling as their chatter filled the air while the sun continued to go down in the horizon.

“Anything else?” asked Hongjoong.

“Actually, yes,” replied Seonghwa, the hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his lips when he recognized the area they had accidentally found themselves in. “There’s one more thing I wanted to put out there as part of the deal at some point later, but since we happened to end up here by chance, we might as well get it out of the way now.”

Hongjoong looked at him in confusion as he followed him away from the beach and into one of the small intricate streets that branched out from it, the frown on his forehead getting deeper the further into it they got before Seonghwa came to a stop in front of white building, worn out by the constant exposure to the sea salt with a single business sign mounted on the facade.

“Oh.”

He giggled at the surprised tone in the man’s voice before pointing to the dark letters spelling the clinic’s name on the light wall, feeling slightly nervous all over again as he shifted from one foot to another.

“Since we’re going to be temporarily exclusive, I thought you might want to try having sex without any protection,” explained Seonghwa, feeling the heat spread on his face as he gathered the courage to talk about this right there in the middle of the street. “We don’t have to if you don’t feel comfortable or safe doing it, even after getting tested. No harsh feelings whatsoever if you’d rather stick to condoms, I simply wanted to let you know that I’d be open to it if you’re interested.”

Deep down he knew that this offer was probably just another no-no to add to the list of things a professional sex worker wouldn’t even think of doing, but if this was going to be their last month together before parting ways forever, he selfishly wanted to give Hongjoong another first that he’d never forget.

And he wasn’t going to deny that he greedily wanted to properly feel the man without any barriers between them before saying goodbye, too.

“Do you really trust me that much?”

There was a tone of shocked breathlessness in Hongjoong’s voice as he asked that question, and Seonghwa almost wanted to cry at how oblivious this man could be sometimes to the fact that he was a rare gem – someone devoted and kind who would someday make a very lucky guy incredibly happy.

“You haven’t given me any reasons not to trust you,” he explained, trying to convey how genuine was right now. “The real question is if you trust me enough to consider it, but I completely understand if you don’t feel comfortable doing it.”

“Of course I trust you, I don’t have any reasons not to either.”

Seonghwa felt a painful pang hit him square in the chest at the candid words, guilt spreading so quickly that he was unable to breathe for what seemed like a painfully long time.

You have plenty of them, actually.

“So, huh, yeah. We don’t have to get tested right now if you need time to think, we could—”

“Do you need to book an appointment? How long does it take for the results to come out?” asked Hongjoong, words coming out in an excited rush. “Sorry, I’ve never done anything like this before.”

“Depends on the type of test, but we can probably do a full panel if we wait for a bit and results would take around a week to—” replied Seonghwa.

“Okay, let’s do it. Now. I don’t need to think about it, my answer is ‘holy fuck, yes!’.”

He laughed at the barely contained excitement while Hongjoong pushed him into the building and up the elevator, charged silence following them as they walked into the waiting room and sighed simultaneously with relief when they found that the place was basically empty.

They talked to the receptionist with the same slightly awkward energy before they were both guided into different rooms, giving Seonghwa the space he needed to finally relax a bit and take a deep breath to try to recenter after the emotional toll the last 20 minutes had on him.

Reality started to sink in as he waited alone inside the examination room, the fluttering in his chest getting more pronounced and confusing while he repeated to himself that this wasn't the special milestone he stupidly felt it was.

This was just another detail they had agreed on in the context of their business relationship, not the actual big step that would make things exclusive and official between them that it usually was.

The sound of the door opening pulled him out of his thoughts before he had the chance to spiral out of control, and he smiled up at the nurse who walked into the room with a reassuring smile.

“Park Seonghwa, right? My name is Daehyun and I’ll be guiding you through the tests today. How are we feeling?”

“Yes, ah, that’s me. I’m okay, just a little…” he replied while trying to shake off the indescribable uneasiness he was feeling. “Nervous, I guess.”

The last time he'd found himself in a place like this one had been after he had finally broken up with Junhyung more than half a year ago, and he was assaulted by the sudden memories of the way he had just sobbed while staring at the Christmas decorations that had been hanging on the wall as the nurse drew blood from him.

“First time?” asked Daehyun, voice pushing through the unexpected fog while he prepared all the necessary materials with practiced efficiency. “No need to worry, I promise we’ll be done in no time.”

“It’s definitely not my first time,” said Seonghwa with a snort, heart picking up the pace as the scent of rubbing alcohol filled the room. “It’s just been a while.”

“Being a little bit nervous in a situation like this one is completely normal,” added Daehyun as he tied the strap around his bicep and positioned his arm to look for the vein. “Since it’s been a while, let me walk you through it: I will draw some blood for testing, and then I will also ask you for a urine sample and a quick swab. That will allow us to do a full panel and check for things like HIV, syphilis, gonorrhea, and chlamydia.”

He nodded as he felt himself relax a little at the calm but clinical tone in the nurse’s voice while he prepared the needle before pressing it against the skin, making Seonghwa wince and look away when his blood started to fill the vial, even though he had barely even felt a pinch.

“The results will be available online in a few days, and we will also call you if anything urgent comes up,” explained Daehyun as he discarded the used needle and placed a small bandage on the tiny red dot. “But never forget the most important part: there’s no reason to be scared or ashamed. If something does come up in the tests, it’s not the end of the world. Most STIs are curable and we will be there with you to help you treat it.”

He nodded again before the nurse started to put the vials away, and he found himself thinking about Hongjoong and wondering how he was doing right now – if he was feeling as nervous as Seonghwa, or if his candid excitement was overpowering any potential insecurity.

He felt a stupid shy smile taking over his face again, and he held back the need to slap himself for feeling giddy about something that was just supposed to be a routine medical procedure.

You’re just a professional offering a special service to a paying customer. Remember that, you stupid idiot.

“Done!” said Daehyun, stopping his dangerous train of thought before Seonghwa had time to overthink the real motives behind all of this. “Now I need you to head to the bathroom down the hall for the urine sample. Since you’re already familiar with the process, would you like to do the swabbing yourself as well?”

“Yes, please,” he replied immediately.

This whole thing was already embarrassing enough as it was, he didn't want to add having a kind stranger poking his holes with a cotton bud to the mix if he could avoid it.

Daehyun’s practiced smile didn’t even falter as he wrote the specific body part he needed to swab in each container before handing them over, and Seonghwa nodded again in response before awkwardly standing up and walking out of the room.

The bathroom he found down the hall was as sterile and impersonal as the examination room he had just left was, harsh fluorescent lights spilling over him while he carefully but quickly did what he needed to do before returning to the nurse with a blush on his face and the samples in his hands.

Daehyun took everything with the same calm smile meant to make him feel less embarrassed about the situation, before proceeding to sort everything out and finish filling the paperwork.

“That’s a wrap!” said the nurse as he got up and signaled Seonghwa to do the same. “You’re good to go now. Like I said, pay attention to your phone because the results will be available in the next few days and we’ll call you if anything comes up so we can discuss the treatment plan.”

“Thank you for everything,” he replied before walking out of the room and sighing with relief when the door closed behind him.

Relief that didn’t last long as he came face to face with Hongjoong, who was already sitting on one of the uncomfortable chairs in the waiting room while talking on the phone in polite whispers.

Seonghwa could feel something flip in his stomach at the unfamiliar look on the man’s face, both the expression and posture coming across harsh and serious in a way he’d never seen before – a look that immediately softened when Hongjoong finally noticed his presence.

He dismissed whoever was on the other side of the call and put the device away before getting up and heading in Seonghwa’s way with a shy smile on his face, one he immediately returned as the other man approached him.

“All done?”

“Yeah,” he replied before nudging him with his elbow playfully. “What about you? How was your first experience?”

“Embarrassing and awkward as hell,” said Hongjoong with a grimace that was quickly replaced by a grin when he moved closer to whisper: “But the excitement of knowing I get to fuck you without a condom helped me get over it.”

Seonghwa yelped loudly and hit his shoulder before looking around the almost-empty waiting room, feeling completely caught off-guard by the shameless comment.

“Hongjoong!” he muttered, trying to make it sound like he was scolding him but sounding giggly even to his own ears.

Sometimes it was hard to remember that the person standing in front of him was the same shy and nervous wreck that Seonghwa had once nicknamed Awkward Guy in his head.

The other man giggled and took a step back to put distance between them before shrugging.

“I’m just being honest. I'm feeling a bit nervous, but also really excited.”

Seonghwa chuckled. “I don’t even know why I’m surprised.”

I’m also feeling nervous, but excited. Probably way more than I should be.

Hongjoong snorted once more before the small smile on his lips faded, demeanor changing immediately as a more somber look took over the playful aura.

“Thank you for doing this for me.”

“Anything for my favorite client,” replied Seonghwa, just as quietly.

He didn’t know if he was calling him that for Hongjoong’s sake or his own, but he was starting to realize that he might have severely underestimated how difficult it would be to be professional, even if he had already made up his mind about leaving at the end of this temporary arrangement.

He was fully aware that an invisible clock had started a countdown over their heads – but, for now, he was going to hide his head in the sand and bask in Hongjoong’s intoxicating presence while it lasted.

–

Seonghwa lifted his head to subtly stare at his roommates before looking down at this plate once again, pushing the vegetables around with his chopsticks as he tried to gather the courage that had been flip-flopping inside him throughout the day.

The usual dinner soundtrack of them chatting about work or weekend plans while the TV played in the background had been replaced by tense silence, one that Seonghwa himself had brought to the table in his nervousness.

He had been dreading this moment for days so he’d been postponing doing this as much as he could, until it finally reached the current predicament where he couldn’t keep ignoring the gigantic elephant in the room anymore.

Their apartment felt strangely small tonight, and he looked up at his roommates one more time before taking a deep breath to get the extra oxygen he needed to prepare himself for the uncomfortable conversation that was about to come.

Wooyoung sat across from him, mindlessly scrolling on his phone between bites, while Yunho pretended to focus on his food as he visibly debated if he should bring up the weight of Seonghwa’s unspoken words or not.

“So,” he said before clearing his throat. “There’s something I need to tell you guys.”

Both heads turned in his direction immediately: one pair of eyes staring at him with relieved curiosity, while the other set looked at him with resignation and weariness.

“I’m going to be extra busy this month, so I won’t be around as often in the evenings…” explained Seonghwa finally, forcing himself to maintain eye contact. “Or nights. I, huh, I’ll be spending more nights away from home than usual.”

His speech was immediately punctuated by Wooyoung’s dramatic sigh as he put his chopsticks down on the bowl, a reaction that made Yunho’s eyes jump suspiciously between both of his roommates for a charged moment.

“I feel like I’m missing some important context here.”

“Sugar Daddy is going to stick around for a bit and he wants to spend more time with Seonghwa while he’s here,” explained Wooyoung, eyes never moving away from him as he spoke. “A new arrangement that he apparently decided to accept, even if it’s a risky move.”

Yunho looked at him for a bit longer to then shift his stare at Seonghwa, eyebrow raising slowly when the look of confusion turned into realization before it settled on a familiar grin.

“So you officially went from prostitute to sugar baby? Congrats on the promotion, I guess!”

He couldn’t help but chuckle at that, the ease and playfulness in his friend’s voice making Seonghwa feel slightly better.

“Is it a good deal?” asked Yunho in a more serious tone.

“It’s a really good deal. I…” replied Seonghwa quickly, trying to exploit the sudden burst of bravery. “I’m going back to school next semester, and all that cash will make things much easier for me this time around. I already had to drop out once because of money issues, there’s no way I’m letting that happen again.”

Yunho blinked slowly before nodding with solemn understanding, seemingly completely unfazed by his sudden decision of picking his studies back up again.

“Are you aware that the messier this already complex situation gets, the harder it’ll be for you to get out?”

“I’ve already decided that I’m going to break things off with him once the current deal is over,” said Seonghwa, words sounding surprisingly secure and smooth to his own ears, even if they didn’t fully represent how he truly felt. “He’ll go back to Seoul when the time is up, and I’ll stay here with the money I need to comfortably get my life back on track. No more messes or bad decisions.”

Silence took over the living room again, so painfully tense that all he could hear was his heart beating inside his chest as both of his roommates stared at him so intently that he felt like they were staring into his very soul.

“You’re a grown man, Seonghwa. If you think accepting this offer will help you achieve your dreams and become a happier version of yourself, then I fully support it. You obviously trust this guy enough and enjoy spending time with him, so I don’t see any issue with making some extra cash in the process,” explained Yunho before pausing for a brief second. “Just stay true to your word and actually break things off when he goes back to Seoul, okay?”

“I will. I’ve already made up my mind,” he replied immediately, probably a bit too quickly and eager. “He's nice and I have to admit that I like him, but I’m aware that I need to stop things from escalating before it’s too late. I’m ready to walk away when the time comes, I’m really just taking this new step for the money.”

“No, you’re not. If you’re really going to do this, you need to at least be honest with yourself so you can make the right decisions,” said Wooyoung before crossing his arms and leaning back in chair. “If this was actually just about the money, you wouldn’t be here nervously trying to convince yourself that’s all it really is. You might enjoy the extra perks, but your relationship with this guy has never been about the money, and you know it. Not then, not now.”

Seonghwa gripped the edge of the table and opened his mouth to argue, but he could feel his reply getting stuck in his throat while his friend’s unwavering gaze pierced through him as the words hit painfully close to home. 

Yunho looked carefully between them before groaning, clearly trying to figure out how to successfully mediate in this argument for what probably felt like the hundredth time since he reluctantly told them about his arrangement with Hongjoong.

“Anyway,” added Wooyoung suddenly, sighing again before grabbing his chopsticks again and picking a piece of meat with them. “I don’t want to have the same conversation over and over again, I already told you everything I needed to say about this. If you truly think you can emotionally deal with this whole mess to save up for college, regardless of your feelings for the guy, then go ahead. Just be very careful, please.”

“I’ve made up my mind,” he repeated softly. “I promise I’ll be fine.”

Wooyoung didn’t look convinced, but he also didn’t try to call him out on his bullshit as he continued to eat the dinner that had slowly started to look less appetizing to Seonghwa as he pushed it around in his plate.

“Who is this man anyway?” asked Yunho after clearing this throat to try to ease the leftover tension in the air. “If you’re going to be spending more time with him, I think we should at least know his name, just in case something happens.”

“I…” said Seonghwa while shifting uncomfortably in his seat. “I don’t think that’s important. Nothing is going to happen.”

“What do you mean it’s not important?” replied Wooyoung, eyes narrowing slightly. “You’re going to be living with him for, like, weeks. What if something does happen? How are we supposed to do something about it?”

“I’m not going to live with him, I’m just going to spend more time than usual with him and then come back home,” explained Seonghwa. “It’s not like I want to keep things from you, I just don’t think it’s necessary in this context.”

“You do know his full name and what he does for work, right?” asked Yunho. “Please, tell me that you have done some research on the sugar daddy who has been secretly paying you to have sex with him for months now.”

“Of course I know his full name,” he said, discomfort creeping in as he started to feel weirdly attacked by the sudden interrogation.

“Oh my God,” added Wooyoung, clearly noticing that he hadn’t addressed the rest of the sentence. “You haven’t investigated him to know where all that wealth is coming from? Seonghwa, what the fuck?! He could be a mob boss for all you know!”

“He’s not a mob boss!” he exclaimed loudly, face heating up. “He doesn’t like to talk about his work, and I don’t see the need to ask questions about things he doesn’t bring up himself. We still talk about life and other random stuff. I don’t need to pry about things that have nothing to do with me, all I need to know is that he treats me well.”

“So…” said Yunho, raising his eyebrow as he processed what Seonghwa had just said. “You know his full name, but you haven’t even looked him up on Naver? He’s rich enough to throw millions of wons at you without batting an eye, there has to be information about him online. It’s not about prying, it’s about your safety.”

“No, I haven’t looked him up. I don’t feel comfortable doing that. He doesn’t dig into my private life or tries to cross any boundaries, the least I can do is share the same courtesy,” he replied, not even trying to keep his voice low and steady anymore. “I understand where you’re coming from, okay? But I’m not the dumb child you all think I am, I wouldn’t be here if I felt like there was anything fishy or unsafe about him. I’m not going to invade his privacy if I don’t feel it’s necessary, and that’s final.”

Seonghwa knew that his behavior sounded careless and negligent at best, but he also knew that he wouldn’t be able to explain the pure peace and safety he felt in Hongjoong’s presence. 

He had already betrayed the man by lying to him since the very first moment they met, he wasn’t going to dig for details that hadn’t been willingly shared with him and add even more layers to the guilt that already drowned him sometimes.

“We don’t think you’re a dumb child, Seonghwa,” said Wooyoung softly. 

“I’m sorry if sometimes it feels like we treat you like one,” added Yunho. “I can speak for all of us when I say it’s not our intention. You’ve just been through a lot, and that makes you accept bad treatment because you don’t recognize that you deserve so much better. We’re not trying to tell you what to do, we simply care about you and don’t want to see you get hurt again. We’ve been down this road before.”

“I know,” he added, tone quiet and calm to try to convey his appreciation despite the frustration he felt at the moment. “Thank you for worrying about me, but I’m being safe. I’m doing what I genuinely believe is going to improve my life.”

His friends nodded, but the weight in his chest didn’t lift, not even when they all ended up going back to their food after collectively realizing that it was better to let it go and cut the conversation short.

He just sat there staring at his plate in silence, the familiar weight of guilt pressing down on him as he once again felt like a burden to the people who loved him.

A cycle he couldn’t seem to break, no matter how hard he tried to do the right thing.

–

Seonghwa checked his phone again, the repetitive motion betraying the growing tension bubbling beneath his composed facade while he looked around from the private corner of the outdoor café where he had sat to wait for Hongjoong.

He fidgeted nervously, adjusting his collar in a futile attempt to catch the light breeze that traveled all the way from the sea to fight the faint prickle of sweat that was beginning to form on his back.

Hongjoong was running late, which he kind of appreciated in this case as it gave him more time to mentally prepare himself for what was coming.

Seonghwa didn’t consider himself a particularly charismatic person, so he didn’t know how he was supposed to keep this man entertained and engaged for long periods of time without using sex as a distraction whenever things got too awkward or tense – which he already knew was definitely going to happen more often than not.

The first meeting under the new arrangement a few days prior had been a good trial run to test their dynamic away from the usual confinement of hotel rooms, and even then they had enjoyed the quietness of the secluded area they’d had at the Italian restaurant and the fake sense of privacy they’d had at the clinic while getting tested.

But here he was now, sitting down in a coffee shop, in broad daylight and surrounded by people.

Exposed.

Seonghwa sighed and took another sip of water before fidgeting with the envelope that sat on the table once again: a seemingly innocent piece of paper that held the results of his STI screening, information none of them had openly discussed yet even though they had both confirmed that they had gotten theirs by now.

He had done this exact same ritual more times than he’d like to admit, considering his limited romantic experience, but the process of exchanging negative test results had never felt this weirdly solemn and significant before.

“I’m so sorry.”

He jumped when the sudden movement snapped him out of his panicked thoughts as Hongjoong materialized out of nowhere to sit down in front of him, sending a shy smile his way before trying to fix his messy brown hair.

“I’m so, so sorry. My team is still settling down and we've had to deal with a lot of unexpected issues since we arrived, it’s been quite a mess.”

Seonghwa knew that was his cue to reply and casually brush the man’s worries away, but all the words escaped him as he took the sight in front of him in.

Hongjoong was wearing glasses (instead of the contacts he’d grown used to) and what seemed to be a perfectly tailored suit, jacket discarded in the summer heat to show a pristine white shirt and the fitting dress pants he could see peeking from the other side of the table.

He had only seen the other man wearing the nice dress clothes he had worn the very few times they’d stepped out in public and the casual pieces he wore at night while waiting for Seonghwa inside his hotel room, so this was his first time seeing him in any kind of office attire.

For some reason, the way Hongjoong absently pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose before casually rolling his sleeves up to his elbows was making his throat feel extra dry as the light dampness on his back got more pronounced.

“I promise this won’t happen again. Have you been waiting for long?”

Seonghwa managed to look away from the smooth forearm at the question, looking straight into the man’s gaze as he cleared his throat to try to recenter himself.

“It’s okay, don’t worry about it,” he said before looking down at the envelope to try to hide away from those eyes. “You, huh, you look good.”

Hongjoong laughed, in that shy and good-natured way that consistently managed to make Seonghwa feel less tense every time the sound washed over him.

“Thank you. You look beautiful too, as you always do.”

Silence fell between them, only to be briefly interrupted when the waiter came to take the newcomer’s order before disappearing again to leave the same tense stillness behind him, one that got even more noticeable when the background chatter of the other patrons seemed to get louder.

As the waiter came back with his Hongjoong’s coffee, Seonghwa couldn’t help but wonder for what seemed like the hundredth time how someone could make him feel so blissfully comfortable and so painfully awkward at the same time.

“About the thing we discussed via text yesterday,” he said as casually as he could while pushing the envelope in the other man’s direction, just to break the silence and try to get that detail out of the way as soon as possible. “Here it is.”

Hongjoong nodded and immediately opened his briefcase to retrieve a matching envelope that he also handed his way, a charged exchange ceremony that neither of them commented on as they both pulled out the pieces of paper to scan its contents while pretending to be nonchalant about it.

“All clear,” said Seonghwa, holding back a snort when he realized the other man hadn’t even bothered redacting any of the identifiable personal information at the top. “No surprises.”

“Good. Same here,” replied Hongjoong, stuffing the papers back in the bag and putting it away without looking at it. “It’s all …good. Great, even.”

They both burst into laughter at the weirdness of the situation, tension disappearing immediately after the giggles died down and they both sipped on their coffees in comfortable silence.

Maybe this won’t actually be as awkward as I thought.

“So, what do you feel like doing today? I know you said you wanted me to show you around, but Busan is a big city. I can come up with a specific plan if you tell me what kind of vibe you are looking for,” explained Seonghwa while fighting the urge to fidget with his cup.

“Actually…” began Hongjoong, his chuckle light and uncertain before a gentle grin took over his face. “There’s something specific I’d like to do today, if you’re okay with that.”

“Oh,” he said, curiosity peeking through the initial hesitation. “I mean, sure. Whatever you want.”

The other man’s smirk grew bigger before he tipped his head back and chugged the rest of his coffee in one go, pointing to Seonghwa’s own drink once he had settled his empty cup down.

“Are you done?”

He blinked twice before nodding, standing up quickly and smoothing down his shirt to try to calm the mix of intrigue and anticipation in his chest while he waited for Hongjoong to handle the bill.

Once outside, the other man put his sunglasses on before turning to Seonghwa with the same mischievous grin and pointing to their left.

“This way,” said Hongjoong, moving forward with the ease of someone who knew exactly where they were heading.

He nodded, even though the other man wasn’t looking in his direction anymore, and followed him with his hands nervously buried in his pockets while scanning their surroundings to try to figure out their destination based solely on the buildings around them.

They were currently in the heart of Haeundae’s most upscale area, a world full of sleek high-end boutiques and upscale restaurants that Seonghwa had only really glimpsed from afar and never imagined he would be stepping into – and yet here he was, trailing behind Hongjoong like he was the real outsider here, and not the local who was getting paid to show this man around.

“We’re here.”

Seonghwa snapped out of his anxious thoughts as the voice filtered through, his gaze moving up the shiny glass facade to stop on a familiar sign that spelled the name of the most renowned and trendy hair salon in the country.

“Oh,” he said, stupidly, while trying to process what he was seeing. “Here?”

Hongjoong didn’t answer his question as he simply held the door open with a smug look on his face, bowing playfully before placing his hand on Seonghwa’s back to gently guide him inside while he looked around to take in the sheer luxury of the place.

“Are you finally fixing the cheap dye job I did on your hair last time?” he asked lightly, relaxing a bit when he breathed in the pleasant mix of lavender and citrus scents floating in the air.

“Nope,” replied Hongjoong as they approached the counter. “I’m very happy with the fantastic service you provided in that bathroom.”

Seonghwa could almost feel his ears burning as memories of that day flashed in his mind, keeping him silent as the other man talked briefly with the receptionist before she guided them to a chair near the back of the room.

“Today, I’m not the client here. You are.”

“Wait, what? No, we’re not doing this,” whispered Seonghwa while they approached their designated spot. “Applying convenience store dye while you sit next to your toilet is not comparable to getting my hair done at fuc–freaking Juno Hair Premium!”

“Hush. We are doing this,” replied Hongjoong.

“Good afternoon! My name is Haeun and I’ll be at your service today,” said the stylist warmly before pointing to the seat in front of her. “Sit down, please.”

Seonghwa returned the smile as politely as he could before introducing himself and following the request, cringing internally when he saw his flustered reflection in the stupidly polished mirror that sat in front of him.

What are you doing? Don’t argue with him, just nod and smile.

He had spent days training himself to act in the complete opposite way of the behavior he was portraying right now, and yet all his careful preparations had flown out of the window to leave him flailing like fish out of the water despite his best efforts.

He wasn’t even trying to come across as a fancy escort anymore, there was no way someone like Hongjoong could spend all this time with Seonghwa and not see how low class he truly was by now, but he still had to try his best at not looking like a literal peasant in front of all these people.

He had agreed to this. 

He had agreed to spend more time with this man doing whatever he wanted in exchange for an extravagant sum of money.

This is your fucking job. Act like it.

Seonghwa had already been unprofessional enough in his ‘career’ as a prostitute as it was, he couldn’t allow his insecurities and ego to potentially make Hongjoong look bad in public by acting like a brat throwing a tantrum.

“So, what are we looking for today?” added Haeun, running her hands through his hair with practiced ease.

He barely had the time to open his mouth to answer before realization hit him, body tensing up immediately when he noticed that the question very clearly hadn’t been directed at him.

She wasn’t even looking at Seonghwa as she patiently waited for directions with a smile, despite the fact that he was the one sitting in front of her in the chair.

She was looking at Hongjoong.

That detail struck his chest harder than he expected, sharp and sudden: this woman, someone he had literally just met, had been able to figure out their dynamic in a matter of seconds.

She had understood right away that Hongjoong, not him, was the one who decided what Seonghwa himself was supposed to look like.

“I’d like to dye my hair,” he said abruptly, words coming out louder than he had intended. “Please.”

“Sure, what color?” replied Haeun, still not looking in his direction as the question lingered in the air.

He opened his mouth before closing it again, too frozen by the unexpected turn and the confusing mix of emotions to come up with an answer on the spot, which only made his panic grow even bigger by the second.

The silence stretched awkwardly as two sets of eyes looked at Seonghwa through the mirror, one that was luckily broken by the sound of a generic ringtone pushing through the thick tension.

“Pink,” said Hongjoong as he pulled his phone out of his pocket. “I think he wants pink hair, right?”

Seonghwa blinked slowly as he stared at him through the mirror, feeling confused for a brief moment before the conversation they’d had in the bathtub a couple of weeks ago flashed vividly in his mind.

I can’t believe you really remembered that.

“No. I mean…” he replied, chuckling and shaking his head. “I think we should do blond for now, and maybe go for a brighter color later on?”

Seonghwa already felt like he attracted unnecessary attention every time he stood next to Hongjoong, so the last thing he wanted to do right now was add even more reasons to stand out like a sore thumb while he navigated the complexities of their new arrangement.

Haeun barely acknowledged his answer before looking at his companion for confirmation once again, who simply shrugged before pointing to Seonghwa with his chin as his phone continued to ring in his hand.

“Don’t look at me, just do what he says. He’s the client here, not me,” replied Hongjoong before meeting his gaze through the mirror. “I need to take this call, but I’ll be back in a minute. Think about it and tell her your final decision, okay?”

He nodded as the other man gave him one final smile before walking away, leaving him and the stylist alone as she awkwardly gathered the tools she needed.

“Blond,” said Seonghwa, smugness growing as a shadow of embarrassment ran across Haeun’s face. “My final decision is still blond.”

She recovered quickly, though, and immediately gave him an almost genuinely-looking smile before she proceeded to show him the different shades of blond that were realistically achievable in a single session considering his current hair color. 

The bleaching process was very long, but also surprisingly soothing, and all the weird tension he had felt at first disappeared as he got used to the peculiar silence between them while Haeun worked on his hair with expert fingers.

When Hongjoong finally came back, far more than a minute later, it was to send a quick acknowledgement his way before sitting in an empty chair nearby to type away on his laptop while the sounds of hair dryers and background chatter became white noise around them.

Seonghwa found himself stealing glances every now and then as the minutes turned into hours, weirdly fascinated by the strange aura that seemed to surround the other man today while he sipped on the fizzy water he receptionist had brought them, staring at his computer with a type of laser-focus he only saw when they were naked.

So this is how you look when you’re in your natural element.

He had sort of expected Hongjoong to be a bit more self-conscious about being seen with him in broad daylight, especially when it was apparently obvious to everyone that they weren’t simple friends hanging out, but once again the other man had surprised him with his complete lack of shame.

Seonghwa felt a warm and deep sense of pride bubbling in his chest when he thought about how far this man had come, how much he had changed since the day they met each other at that bar months ago.

How quickly he was becoming the confident and unstoppable force he had seen buried inside Awkward Guy.

It was undeniable that Hongjoong had created a life-changing ripple effect in Seonghwa, but he couldn’t help but think that maybe (just maybe) he’d been as much of a positive influence for the other man as well.

–

Time passed quickly despite the lack of conversation, and by the time Haeun spun the chair around to show him the final reveal, Seonghwa could barely recognize his own reflection in the mirror.

The dark blond looked glossy and natural, no sign whatsoever of the fact that he’d only had one session of bleach to achieve that tone, and it made his features seem softer and his dark eyes pop.

He had to admit that he looked really good.

So good that he even forgot to feel self-conscious for a moment as Hongjoong popped up behind him with a pleased smile on his face.

“You were right, blond was the perfect choice.”

Seonghwa laughed shyly at the compliment, feeling the warm sensation in his stomach quickly spread up his chest to end up pooling in his cheeks.

“I guess it does look okay,” he replied playfully.

“‘Okay’? Please, that word would never be enough to describe someone like you,” said Hongjoong nonchalantly.

He resisted the urge to giggle again before he cleared his throat and looked at the stylist, who was very intentionally looking away from them while putting away the tools she had used to style his hair.

“Thank you, Haeun. You did a fantastic job,” said Seonghwa earnestly as he carefully ran his fingers through the blond locks as he got up, amazed at how soft and healthy they felt. “I love it.”

The woman nodded in acknowledgement with a small smile on her face, a rare moment of camaraderie shared between them while they both prepared to go on their separate ways to probably never see each other again.

The warm feeling inside him lingered when they stepped out of the salon and into the busy streets, sun going down in the horizon as the evening started to fall upon them.

“Hungry?” asked Hongjoong casually as they stood awkwardly out of the way.

“Not really,” he replied after a moment of hesitation. “Are you?”

The other man smirked, perfect teeth peeking from under his lips as he got closer to whisper something in his ear.

“Not for food. You look even sexier with that hair.”

Seonghwa chuckled before playfully slapping his shoulder, embarrassment mixing with the existing warm feeling to make him weirdly flustered and shy.

“Stop it! We’re in public,” he whispered while he took a step back, trying to put some distance between them before someone saw them.

Hongjoong’s smirk only grew bigger as he shrugged, checking his watch and pointing to the left with the same hint of mischief in his eyes.

“In that case, there’s somewhere else I’d like to take you before dinner.”

“You seem awfully familiar with the area,” he replied, tone low and teasing as he followed behind his companion. “I thought you were paying me to show you around Busan.”

He didn’t get a reply at first, as the other man simply shrugged again while typing away on his phone for a moment before sliding it back into his pocket.

“And you will show me around, but I had very specific plans for you today so I asked my assistant to do some research on my behalf first. We can do whatever you want next time,” said Hongjoong in that familiar nonchalant tone before coming to a stop in front of a new building and pointing to it. “This is it.”

Seonghwa looked up to find a slick modern building with blacked-out windows and a single logo on top of the door that he didn’t recognize, but that still made him feel weirdly intimidated.

“What is this place?” he whispered as they walked inside, immediately coming across an equally menacing interior.

He had thought that the glamorous look of the hair salon had been extravagant enough, but somehow this place felt even more exclusive and luxurious than that as he stared at the carefully curated displays of clothing and the artfully dressed mannequins.

The space felt deliberately sparse and empty, and Seonghwa could immediately tell that this wasn’t a regular clothing store: it wasn’t a place where rich people came in to casually browse for an expensive outfit, it was a high-end dressing room designed to put you in the spotlight and make you the center of attention.

An eerie feeling made him freeze at the entrance, carefully staring at Hongjoong while he talked to the sales associate who had basically materialized out of thin air like she had been summoned by the man’s mere presence.

Seonghwa swallowed to try to get rid of the sudden dryness in his mouth when they called him over, reluctantly following the order while trying to ignore the weight of invisible eyes on him as he walked towards them.

The sales associate bowed politely at him as he got closer, her smile as perfectly polished and immaculate as the rest of her appearance, and repeated Seonghwa’s name in acknowledgement when Hongjoong introduced him as his companion and the real ‘model’ for the day.

She was exuding nothing but professional detachment and courtesy, and yet he couldn’t help but feel insignificant and unseen as her sharp gaze briefly ran down his body to quickly calculate his measurements before focusing back on the real star of the show.

Hongjoong.

He might have been introduced as the ‘model’, but he felt like she was treating him like he was a simple accessory, a mannequin made of flesh and blood that stood silently on the side while the other two discussed luxury brands Seonghwa had only heard in passing on international runways.

He didn’t even know how he had found himself staring at his reflection in the spotless mirror while absently smoothing down non-existent wrinkles in the stupidly expensive pants, attention focused behind him as he tried to pick up the quiet conversation between Hongjoong and the overly-eager sales associate.

This whole place felt uncomfortably foreign to him, from the pristine marble floor that gleamed way too much under the fluorescent lights to the weirdly minimalist furniture that made the massive space feel weirdly empty.

Every single detail screaming opulence in a way he never imagined could be possible in a fitting room, in a way that only made him feel even more exposed and out of place as he stood there shirtless – an obvious trespasser in a world that was never meant for people like him.

Seonghwa could almost feel himself drowning under the weight of the invisible scrutiny that was coming from every corner of the store, even if he realistically knew there was nobody else around to judge him besides the sales assistant.

He still felt like a metaphorical fish out of the water, awkwardly floundering around while Hongjoong strolled the place with the effortless confidence of someone who had never once questioned his place in an environment like this one.

They were barely entering the beginnings of their revamped arrangement, and Seonghwa already felt like he might have severely underestimated how uncomfortable playing his new role as a ‘sugar baby’ was truly going to be.

A relieved sigh escaped him when he heard Hongjoong politely dismissing the sales associate, tension disappearing from his body the moment she closed the door behind her to finally leave them alone inside the fitting room.

“Thank you for sending her away,” muttered Seonghwa as he turned around to look at the way the tight pants hugged his ass, running his hands over the fabric once again just to release some of the nervous energy he felt. “I was starting to feel like Julia Roberts in that scene from ‘Pretty Woman’.”

“Who?” asked Hongjoong distractedly, his gaze never leaving the neatly arranged line of monochromatic shirts on the rack while he carefully sorted through them.

Seonghwa gasped. “What do you mean ‘ who ’? You’ve never seen that movie?!”

The other man finally looked up, confused eyes meeting his through the big mirror as a deep frown appeared on his face.

“Should I have?”

“It’s a 90s classic! And that specific scene is completely iconic. You know, the one where Richard Gere takes Julia Roberts shopping because she—” exclaimed Seonghwa before cutting himself off abruptly, realizing far too late that bringing up this particular plot would probably make things awkward. “Nevermind. It was just a silly joke, forget I said anything.”

“I’m not really into cinema, let alone Western movies, but we can watch it tonight if you want to,” replied Hongjoong casually, dumping the armful of clothes he’d gathered onto the couch before picking out a shiny brown garment and walking over to him. “Let’s try this one next.”

He chuckled softly as the other man completely brushed off his brief mishap, not even waiting for his reply before wrapping an oversized shirt around Seonghwa with the same barely-contained excitement he had been exuding since the moment they stepped into the boutique.

“You look way too happy to be playing dress-up with me,” he teased, voice faltering mid-sentence as the unexpected sensation of the silky fabric sliding over his skin sent a shiver down his spine.

“I won’t even deny that I’ve been dreaming about this moment for a really long time,” replied Hongjoong in a completely serious tone as he adjusted the shirt before moving back to admire his work, dark eyes moving up and down with open admiration. “I’ve been itching to dress you since the moment I saw you.”

“Are you implying that I don’t have a good sense of style?” asked Seonghwa, jokingly.

He had always known, in a vague but undeniable way, that the other man was genuinely passionate about fashion. 

It wasn’t a topic that came up often in their conversations, but when it did, it was as if the mention of his favorite designers and styles brought up a fire in Hongjoong’s eyes that nothing else seemed to match.

Seonghwa could admit that he liked every side of this man, from the awkward and flustered mess who couldn’t even meet his gaze to the confident version of him that came to live between the sheets, but there was something particularly attractive about this unashamed excitement that only appeared when he felt comfortable enough to truly be himself.

“Not at all, you know I love your style. I just feel this weird…” said Hongjoong in the same serious tone, finally making direct eye contact with him before continuing. “ Inspiration when I look at you. It’s hard to explain, but sometimes I have visions of all the outfits I would like to put together for you. I even find myself thinking of you in clothes that I’m pretty sure don’t even exist yet.”

The energy between them shifted instantly as the weird solemnity in the tone gave away that there was a deeper sentiment behind the words, air getting thicker in that particular way it always did when one of them dared to speak in a way that popped the fragile bubble they tried to build around their unstable situation.

His heart raced as Hongjoong silently stepped closer once again to slowly slip his hand inside Seonghwa’s open neckline to touch the warm skin that hid beneath the fabric, leaning into him until his mouth was brushing his lips as gently as the fingers that ran over the goosebumps on his chest.

He knew they really shouldn’t be doing this right here, in the middle of the fitting room of a high-end boutique with other people on the other side of the door, but Seonghwa was too weak to put a stop to it as Hongjoong closed the small gap left between them to kiss him softly.

He couldn't help but let his eyelids flutter close as the contact sent goosebumps over his skin, a light moan escaping him when Hongjoong’s fingers moved to brush his hardening nipple before delicately slipping his tongue inside.

Seonghwa’s arms immediately came up to wrap around the other man’s neck, pulling him closer and deepening the kiss while fingers ran down his naked chest to dip into the seam of his pants, heat following the same path under his skin as it pooled in his belly before a sharp knock on the door made them both jump startled.

“Mr. Kim, should I fetch that drink for you now? I can also bring more clothes for your companion if you want,” said the sales assistant in a muffled but composed voice.

Hongjoong cursed under his breath as he took a reluctant step back, fixing Seonghwa’s clothes with a resigned sigh before turning towards the closed door.

“Thank you, but that won’t be necessary. As I mentioned, I will handle his styling personally. We’ll call you if we need further assistance.”

He couldn’t see the woman on the other side of the door, but Seonghwa could almost feel the unspoken hesitation in the charged silence that followed the man’s words.

“Of course, sir. I will be nearby if you need anything else,” she added with the same polished professionalism she had displayed so far, presence lingering for another brief moment before he heard the soft sounds of her footsteps moving away.

“I think she knows exactly what we were doing, and doesn’t trust us to be left alone in here anymore,” said Seonghwa as he turned around to check his reflection to properly admire the new outfit.

“Trust me, she’s seen much worse than anything we could do,” explained Hongjoong, moving to stand behind him to finish fixing what he was sure now was actually a dress and not an oversized shirt.

“Shouldn’t she be the one styling me, though? I doubt you brought me to a place like this one just to buy clothes, I can tell this isn’t a regular store.”

The other man stayed quiet for a moment as he openly admired the way the silky fabric hugged Seonghwa’s figure, hands running over his back to stop in the curve of his waist and digging his fingers in it in a possessive grip.

“I meant it when I said I’ve been dying to do this for a long time, I want to dress you myself,” replied Hongjoong, his dark gaze meeting him through the mirror before smirking playfully. “Also, just because I didn’t understand the reference earlier doesn’t mean I didn’t catch the underlying message in your tone or saw the looks you were throwing her way. You wanted her gone, so she’s gone.”

Seonghwa returned the eye contact, feeling that the weird but familiar weight behind his rib cage grow heavier as he leaned back into the solid chest behind him to seek some of that warmth that always seemed to quiet the chaotic mess in his mind.

I’m going to miss you. 

The thought made its way through the confusing mix of emotions and half-formed words, clear and undeniable.

In about a month, he would walk away from the man who had raised his standards in ways he hadn’t thought possible, a man who had uncovered the most hidden and bruised parts of himself – parts that Seonghwa himself had never even dared to acknowledge, let alone confront head on.

The man who had lit the initial spark of confidence he had needed to even start thinking about accepting and healing the ugliest sides of him.

He knew ending their arrangement was going to hurt them both more than it probably should, considering the transactional nature of their relationship, so all Seonghwa could do for now was stop trying to fight his own self and give Hongjoong the best farewell gift he deserved.

“What are you waiting for, then?” he said, pushing the words past the lump in his throat while he gestured at his own body with a flourish. “I’m all yours to play dress-up with today.”

Right now, he just needed to learn how to shove the guilt and second-guessing into the darkest corners of his mind to get lost in the simple pleasures of their playful banter, the shared silence, and the heated touches.

Everything else, as usual, would be a problem for Future Seonghwa.

–

By the time they made it back to Hongjoong’s new temporary residence, he was buzzing with restless pent up energy and barely contained tension.

They had spent longer than was probably polite at the boutique as Seonghwa had turned that fitting room in his personal runway, putting on a show for the other man and dramatically walking back and forth with exaggerated elegance while throwing smirks and winks his way.

He had meant to keep light and playful, but Hongjoong had watched every movement completely enthralled from his spot on the plush couch, intense eyes tracking Seonghwa’s figure while he lazily sipped on the drink the sales assistant had discreetly brought into the room half-way through his performance.

She had been beaming as she carefully bagged the pile of clothes that had been dropped on the counter, her genuine smile suggesting that she hadn’t actually minded their extended stay or the fact that she had been constantly dismissed – although the substantial sum of money Hongjoong had paid probably helped with that.

Seonghwa had made a conscious effort to not pay attention to the price tags or the numbers flashing on the screen during the checkout, instead keeping his eyes fixed on one of the mirrors propped in the reception area while his unrecognizable reflection stared back at him decked out in his brand new blond hair and expensive clothing.

He had ended up wearing one of his outfits to the fancy French restaurant he had been dragged to after their shopping trip, growing more comfortable in the persona he was pretending to be as the evening progressed and he allowed himself to bask in the luxury and the stolen glances from other patrons as Hongjoong kept shamelessly flirting with him in full view of everyone.

The warm restless tension under Seonghwa’s skin had been building up since they had walked out of the hair salon, starting out with a faint hum that had grown louder while they shared smirks and whispered compliments over dinner, vibrating with anticipation inside him as the hours passed.

That almost electric energy reached feverish levels the moment Hongjoong closed the front door behind them to give him a quick tour of the penthouse, and Seonghwa barely had the chance to notice that the space was filled with the kind of modern and sleek luxury that he’d expected before they walked up the stars that led to the man’s room.

Seonghwa pushed him against the wall without any warning the moment they reached the second floor, loud thud echoing the sound he made as he fell to his knees to undo Hongjoong’s pants without any finesse as the familiar comfort of their position made some of that nervous energy dissipate.

He still didn’t know how to properly process or express all the emotions he’d experienced today, but this was definitely something he knew how to navigate.

This was his area of expertise. 

He should probably feel some kind of shame from the fact that he was practically drooling at the idea of finally putting this dick in his mouth without any kind of barrier, without the artificial flavor invading his tongue and the constant careful awareness to make sure nothing slipped out of place.

He had vaguely noticed that Junghyung had somewhat conditioned him to feel a pang of humiliation every time he became this cock-hungry, but he hadn’t realized the real depth of the damage until Hongjoong had started to slowly undo it by always getting off on how desperate Seonghwa could be.

Iit didn’t matter how horny he could get, he knew this man would always be there to match it.

Two pleased sighs filled the air the moment his fingers wrapped around the soft dick in front of his face to pump it gracelessly into fullness, gentle hands immediately pushing through his hair delicately to bring Seonghwa’s mouth closer to the place where they both wanted it the most.

“Please.”

Seonghwa didn’t even bother trying to tease him or look remotely aesthetic in a sexy way while he simply allowed himself to be guided forward until his lips met bare warm skin, Hongjoong’s pleasant scent hitting the part of his brain that made him grow boneless and dizzy as blood rushed south towards his own groin fast.

His mouth parted under the pressure right away to let his tongue come out, shivers running down his spine when the musk made his taste buds tingle when he licked all the way from the bottom to the tip of the half-hard dick, the previously gentle grip on his hair tightened at the soft touch.

Hongjoong groaned loudly when his cock finally slipped between his lips, a sound that was immediately followed by the loud thud of what Seonghwa believed was the back of the man’s head hitting the solid wall behind them, fingers pulling on his blond strands painfully hard while he sucked on the sensitive tip.

“Fuck. Good boy, such a good boy.”

He closed his eyes to let the chocked up compliment wash over him and allow his instincts to take over, saliva starting to drip down his chin to fall on the fist he kept wrapped around the base of the man’s erection while he blew him, muscles growing more and more lax as Hongjoong quickly took control of the blowjob.

He could only whine when he found himself pinned into place by the tight grip on his head, dick pushing deeper and deeper into his mouth until it finally slipped past the initial resistance of his throat, thrusts becoming more smooth as Seonghwa stayed still while his weak hands held onto the man’s thighs to uselessly try to anchor himself to his own body.

He hadn’t even noticed that he had blacked out for a moment until he snapped back into consciousness when oxygen burned its way down his chest as his lungs suddenly filled with air, reality coming back into focus when Hongjoong asked him something he assumed was a concerned question while patting his hair.

He took a few more deep breaths and nodded in response before weakly guiding the wet dick back into his mouth, desperately seeking its addictive taste, but also looking to return to that blissful floaty sensation before the world had the chance to get too sharp around him again.

A wordless request that the other man was more than happy to fulfill as he easily slipped his cock down Seonghwa’s throat once more, hips moving forward over and over again to fuck his face with slow but steady thrusts.

He didn’t manage to slip back into the peaceful headspace he had accidentally fall into before, but the serene feeling of calmness stayed with him as he kept himself still and lax so Hongjoong could use him for his own pleasure, looking down at his face through half-closed eyelids while the rhythm became more erratic and desperate.

“Seonghwa.”

He was being dragged away from the pulsing dick in his throat before he could even register what the breathless warning meant, the first glob of cum immediately landing on his face to join the already wet mess of sweat, tears and saliva that had been gathering on his skin over the last few minutes.

He closed his eyes straight away when he realized what was happening, lips parting wider and tongue flattening to try to entice Hongjoong into giving him a taste of the orgasm Seonghwa had coaxed out of him – a silent lure that the other man promptly followed.

He couldn’t help but moan when cum finally landed inside his mouth, where he let it pool for a moment before swallowing it down, immediately parting his lips again to greedily receive the next load as Hongjoong continued to milk his climax on Seonghwa’s tongue until there was nothing left. 

They stayed frozen in the exact same positions even after the semen stopped flowing, two sets of deep breathing filling the room while they both tried to recover from the rushed but explosive blowjob he realistically knew had probably only lasted a few minutes, even if they both sounded completely wrecked by it.

Seonghwa opened his eyes when he felt soft fabric pressing on his cheek, finding the other man leaning over him to try to clean his face with his discarded shirt, half-spent dick booping in the air with each movement of his arm as his wet pants and underwear stayed awkwardly wrapped around his thighs.

“Everything about that was so fucking hot,” whispered Hongjoong, clear awe in his voice.

He couldn’t help the giggle came to his lips at the ridiculous image they were painting at that very moment: one half-naked man leaning against the wall on shaky legs right next to the staircase, while another one kneeled right in front him completely dressed with a painful erection tenting his pants.

Hongjoong echoed the laugh and tried his best to rub the mess on his face away before carefully helping him get off the hard floor, releasing a comforting noise when Seonghwa groaned in pain as he stood up and guiding him towards the big bed that sat a few meters away just to push him down on it.

“My turn.”

His heart started to speed up again when the smirk on the man’s face grew while he gracelessly took his own clothes off before working on Seonghwa’s, carefully but quickly stripping him down until he was laying naked on top of the comforter.

“Can we try this again?” asked Hongjoong while settling between his open legs, hands running up his shins before wrapping his fingers around his knees to spread them apart even more. “I promise this time will be different.”

Seonghwa could only stare back into his dark eyes in disbelief for a second before nodding, stomach fluttering as the other man finally looked down at his erection with almost analytical eyes while he absently caressed his inner thighs.

Hongjoong had tried to blow him twice before, but he never managed to get past the synthetic taste and the awkward slickness of the condom despite all his determination and enthusiasm, so they had ultimately given up both times among frustrated laughs and dimmed arousal that had prevented them from pushing it any further.

Seonghwa hadn’t even felt that much disappointment at the time: too sympathetic of how off-putting the sensation could feel, and too used to tucking that specific type of longing away after years of dealing with selfish lovers who never reciprocated his own predilection for oral sex.

Tingling warmth spread through his whole body the moment Hongjoong gave the tip of his dick a tentative and curious lick, a small and delicate gesture that left Seonghwa harshly panting in the otherwise silent room when the warm tongue came out again to give it another taste, and then another.

His hands pulled on the fabric under him to keep himself as still as he could while the other man got familiar with his cock, carefully testing which spots made Seonghwa lose his mind before tightening his grip on the base to keep it steady and making direct eye contact with him.

“Let me know if I do something wrong,” said Hongjoong, mouth hovering so close to the sensitive head that just the subtle touch of his breath was enough to make him whine.

Seonghwa could only nod tensely at that, too overwhelmed by the unexpected turn of events to be able to create complex thoughts, but that action seemed to be more than enough to reassure the other man as he simply smiled at him before opening his lips to wrap them around the tip.

He groaned loudly at the sensation as one of his hands left the comforter to rest on Hongjoong’s head, keeping the grip lax and gentle to try to signal that he wasn’t trying to guide the movements and he simply needed to touch him in any way – needed to feel him to stay grounded.

“So fucking good,” whispered Seonghwa, barely getting the words out as thinking became harder.

He got an immediate hum in response, the vibrations catching him off-guard in the best way possible when Hongjoong took the praise as an invitation to confidently suck harder, while slowly and carefully pushing his dick deeper into his mouth with each bob of his head, hand caressing his balls just as delicately.

Seonghwa whined again as his heart went hard against his ribs, sounds spilling from his lips as the unfamiliar wet warmth and the pressure around him sent waves of fire down his spine in a way that was bringing him close to his orgasm embarrassingly fast.

He didn’t know if it was because it was their first time having sex without a condom or because it was their first time doing it under the new arrangement, or even because it was his first time getting oral sex in a long time, but something about it felt particularly intimate.

It felt vulnerable and special even though they’d had sex many times by now, something that was adding yet another layer to the already unstable emotional state Seonghwa had been in the whole day.

He closed his eyes tightly to try to hold onto the feeling and not let it end too fast, to try to fully experience every single touch of Hongjoong’s wet tongue and every subtle scrape of teeth when he got too eager, to try to memorize the slow but determined rhythm that was making him gasp for air.

He opened them again when he felt the weight of a stare on him, looking down to find the other man watching him with his usual soft but intense gaze and a bright blush spread across his whole face, eyes projecting the same mix of reverent and intimate emotions Seonghwa himself had been feeling.

“You’re doing great,” he murmured, choosing to answer the easy silent question he could see shining through in that stare, instead of focusing on all the other complex emotions he saw there. “So good.”

Hongjoong’s eyelids fluttered close at the praise and he hummed again, sending another electric shock down Seonghwa’s spine and making him accidentally grip the hair in his lax fist a bit too hard as his hips bucked up into the warm mouth, apology immediately spilling through his lips while he forced himself to stay still.

“Sorry.”

The other man didn’t seem fazed by the sudden thrust, he simply doubled down and adjusted his angle to repeat every action that got him a particularly loud whine or accidental twitch from Seonghwa, filling the room with his gasping breaths and slick sounds that only made the pool of heat in his belly get even hotter.

“Hongjoong,” he murmured with some effort through the pants, unsure if he had moaned that name as a warning or as a plea.

“Let go. I want to feel it.”

The wet heat was back on him the moment the rushed words were uttered, closing the small gap that had separated Seonghwa from his impending orgasm to send him over the edge, back arching from the bed and hand keeping the man’s head between his legs as his release hit him hard and suddenly.

Hongjoong didn’t pull away when he started coming, keeping the mouth around his pulsing dick and the fingers buried deep in his thighs to keep him from thrusting too deep while he swallowed every drop, eagerly taking everything with a satisfied moan as if he himself had been the one orgasming.

He only stopped sucking when he was pulled away by the grip in his hair, laughing gently when Seonghwa collapsed bonelessly on the bed with a pained groan and full-body shiver, giving him a few seconds to recover before slowly moving up his body until his face was hovering on top of his.

“Told you this time would be different.”

Hongjoong’s voice was hoarse but his tone was bright and confident as he maintained direct eye contact, smirk growing less shy and more smug in a way that made Seonghwa release a breathless snort in response before pulling the man down by the back of his neck to lock their mouths in a kiss.

He let the world vanish around them again when he melted into the comfortable mattress while he tasted himself in the man’s lips, satisfaction seeping into his bones as his heartbeat slowed down and Hongjoong’s weight dropped on him while they continued to lazily make out with legs intertwined together.

For the first time that day, something clicked quietly into place to bring a comfortable sense of stillness that settled in Seonghwa’s chest to make him feel really at peace.

For the first time that day, or maybe longer than he even dared to admit, he didn’t feel like he was bracing himself for the inevitable messy end.

–

Seonghwa woke up slowly, immediately feeling the telltale signs of having gone a bit too overboard with the wine during dinner the previous night.

The bright light hit his face the moment he opened his eyes, momentarily disoriented by the monotone unfamiliarity of his surroundings until all the memories from the day before came back with a rush.

He sat up with a groan and looked out the massive windows, running a hand through his hair as he looked around to search for Hongjoong in the empty room before he finally noticed the faint sound of running water coming from the en-suite bathroom.

It was far from the first time Seonghwa had woken up to the sound of the other man getting ready for work, but there was something weirdly intimate about doing it in a space that felt a lot more personal than the hotel suite he was used to.

There were little traces of Hongjoong around the room that were never there when he lived in a space with daily cleaning service: a stack of messy papers sitting on the desk, a book with a folded corner peeking from under a suit jacket, an open box with a line of watches on the shelf, a pile of comfortable clothes discarded on the chair.

This was just another place the man was renting temporarily, merely a step above the suites he usually inhabited when he was in the city, but somehow it felt more real and personal – this was his actual home, even if it was just for a little while.

Seonghwa sighed before sliding out of the bed, putting on the closest pair of underwear he could grab and the white shirt Hongjoong had discarded the night before to go in search of very needed coffee, something that would be usually waiting for him outside the door of the royal suite after waking up.

The kitchen of the penthouse was open-plan and massive, its polished surfaces and fancy design calling to him like a moth to a flame when Seonghwa ran his hand over the obviously unused area while he dug around the cabinets to gather everything he needed to load the machine.

He took the first sip of coffee as he scanned the contents of the fridge with a snort and a fond shake of the head when he only found a jug of water, a few eggs, some leftover white rice, a withering bundle of green onions, and a couple of bottles with condiments.

Exactly what he’d expect from someone like Hongjoong.

In an attempt to distract himself enough to stop his mind from wandering into dangerous territory, he threw the meager ingredients he had been able to gather on the sizzling pan before adding a healthy amount of soy sauce and sesame oil to try to make up for the lack of real flavor.

He was in the process of sprinkling some green onions on top of the plated fried rice when Hongjoong finally walked down the stairs while fixing the sleeves of another ironed white shirt, approaching carefully while he stared at him with a guarded look that Seonghwa couldn’t really describe.

It was almost like the sight of him standing in his kitchen, disheveled and barefoot and wearing his borrowed clothes, had thrown the other man so off-balance that he didn’t even know how he should react to it.

“Smells amazing,” muttered Hongjoong after a charged moment of silence, slowly sitting in the closest chair and leaning over the table to sniff the food. “Damn, like, really amazing.”

“You’re lucky it’s not plain white rice, you didn’t really give me much to work with,” replied Seonghwa with a nervous laugh while pointing to the fridge. “You’ve been here for like a week already, how do you even survive without any food? A steady diet of takeout?”

“I don’t know how to cook, so there’s no point in buying things that will go bad. And, to be completely honest, I wasn’t expecting to have someone else in my kitchen cooking me breakfast while I showered either.”

“You might be a terrible housewife, but at least you’re a half-decent cook.”

Hongjoong’s tone was light and playful as he looked up at him, but the words still made Seonghwa freeze as Junhyung’s voice suddenly rang loud and clear in his head, immediately triggering a wave of shame and inadequacy that hit him so hard he could feel the air getting knocked out of his lungs.

He didn’t know why such a harmless comment had opened a door he believed he had successfully closed months ago, but the unpleasant memories were so vivid and real that he momentarily saw himself physically standing in a different kitchen in front of a different man – the painful echo of another life, one he thought he had left behind.

“You usually order room service before work, so I assumed you’d want to eat something before you leave…” he said before laughing as he grabbed the plates again with shaky hands and took a step away from the table. “But I just realized that you probably already had breakfast plans and I’m just intruding. You don’t have to eat it, it’s fine. Sorry, I should have asked before raiding your kitch—”

“Hey, no,” said Hongjoong, carefully grabbing his arm before Seonghwa had the chance to run away. “No, no. I apologize if it sounded like I was upset about it. Quite the opposite: it was a very pleasant surprise and I really appreciate it. I wasn’t lying when I said it smells great and I can’t wait to eat it.”

He stared at the hand, blinking slowly as the gentle tone and the firm grip on his wrist pushed through the haze of panic that had quickly filled the space inside his own brain to ground him back into reality.

You’re safe. You’re here.

“Seonghwa, you can use anything in this house whenever you feel like it without asking for permission first,” added Hongjoong, just as softly. “I would never expect you to cook for us, but if it’s something you genuinely want to do, you just need to tell me and I’ll make sure to keep the kitchen well stocked for you.”

He’s not Junhyung. He never has. He never will be.

He let out an embarrassed chuckle before he put the plates down on the table once again, feeling the blush spread up his neck while nervously pushing his fingers in his messy hair.

“Sorry, you’re right. I was being a bit dramatic, let’s just…” he said before laughing awkwardly. “Let’s just eat before it gets cold. It’s very simple, but I hope you like it.”

Hongjoong stared at him in silence for a moment longer, eyes following every moment as Seonghwa sat down in the empty chair and grabbed the utensils while trying to pretend he hadn’t just randomly lost his shit out of nowhere because of a stupid comment.

He had been half-expecting to hear questions about his strange reaction when he dug into the rice, but thankfully the other man had opted for letting it go after giving him one last analytical look, mimicking the action and putting a big spoonful in his mouth before moaning loudly as his eyes fluttered close.

“How did you even manage to make this taste so good with the sad leftovers I had in the fridge?”

Seonghwa laughed, the vibrations in his chest lightening the heavy weight that had been threatening to choke him barely a few minutes ago.

“Sesame oil,” he replied easily before going back to eating while trying to ignore the weight of the gaze that was fixed upon him.

“How can you be this perfect?” asked Hongjoong after a moment of comfortable silence as they ate, tone amazed and honest. “Is there anything you can’t do?”

Seonghwa froze mid-bite, the warmth of the compliment adding yet another layer to the uneasy headspace he’d accidentally found himself in.

“Sex is quite literally the only thing you’re good for.”

“Most things, actually. There are only a few things I’m good at, I just…” he replied honestly before forcing a laugh and shaking his head. “Enjoy taking care of people, I guess. It makes me feel useful, like I’m finally doing something right.”

Hongjoong stared at him with that familiar analytical gaze again, one full of softness and concern, but without the pity that usually came with it when other people heard him talk like that – the same stare that always made Seonghwa feel like the other man was reading every single one of his thoughts, even the ones he didn’t fully comprehend himself.

A look that made the weight in his chest grow heavier, but also warmer at the same time.

“I think I get it, I know very well that sometimes we can’t really appreciate our own virtues,” said Hongjoong, firmly and gently before chuckling and looking down at his place. “For what it’s worth, I happen to think you’re pretty amazing. Not because of the ‘useful’ things you can do for others, but because of the kind of person you are.”

The words struck a chord so painfully raw and exposed that it left Seonghwa too overwhelmed to even properly process the words, and yet the other man didn’t seem to mind that he didn’t get a reply as he simply smiled warmly before returning to his food.

The air settled between them while they continued to eat in silence, but it wasn’t tense or awkward despite the charged moment they had just exchanged, it simply felt calm and comfortable.

And weirdly domestic.

Seonghwa was feeling a lot better by the time they both had finished their plates, but the tightness in his chest fluttered again when Hongjoong grabbed his wrist once again when he tried to grab the empty plate, this time with an obvious playful grin on his face.

“You cooked, I’ll clean up.”

Seonghwa snorted. “You? Cleaning? Do you even know how?”

“Wow, I see how it is,” replied Hongjoong with mock offense before standing up to stack the plates and walking over the counter.

He leaned back in the chair as he watched the other man roll up his sleeves even more to successfully load the dishwasher before sending a smug and triumphant look over his shoulder while pointing at it, a look that made Seonghwa smile the kind of genuine smile that he could feel reaching his eyes.

He didn’t know why Junhyung had randomly intruded their moment once again, and while he did feel some lingering embarrassment for nearly losing his composure over nothing, that ghost had been quickly drowned by the laughter he let out when Hongjoong went on to clean the counter with an exaggerated flourish.

He knew it was probably a very small victory in the grand scheme of things, but it also felt incredibly monumental at the same time.

–

Seonghwa adjusted his apron before briefly checking the clock to make sure they still had some time before the lunch rush, fingers tapping the edge of the display case as another anxious sigh escaped him.

It had been two days since Hongjoong had taken him on their first official ‘date’ under the new arrangement, and they were supposed to meet again tomorrow for their second outing in the city, one that Seonghwa was supposed to plan but couldn’t no matter how hard he tried or how much thought and research he put into it.

He had wrongly assumed that coming up with things to do around the city would be easy enough as a native Busanite, and yet he could only freeze and panic every time he sat down to try to come up with something that felt special enough to do with the other man.

Hongjoong had gone completely out of his way to pamper Seonghwa last time, and the pressure to reciprocate with a similar level of thoughtfulness felt really heavy on his shoulders: everything he came up with was either too romantic or too basic, and both options felt awkwardly out of place in the context of their weird dynamic.

He’d never really had a proper ‘dating period’ with any of his ex-boyfriends or situationships, and none of them had been fond of casually taking him out either, so he was pretty clueless when it came to this sort of thing – he wouldn’t really know what to do with a real partner, let alone with someone who was supposed to be his client slash sugar daddy.

Seonghwa sighed again and ran his hands over his hair before looking over at Yeosang, who was busy tidying things around and refilling half-empty containers as the espresso machine hissed between them.

He knew bringing up this dilemma with his friend was definitely going to open a can of worms he wasn’t sure he was ready to deal with, but he also knew it was still a better option than asking Yunho or Wooyoung and risk triggering yet another awkward conversation about Hongjoong.

“Hey, Yeosang,” said Seonghwa, trying to sound nonchalant as he wiped the already clean countertop. “Where would you take someone for a nice day out? Like, if you were planning something casual for a friend who is not familiar with the city?”

His friend looked in his direction slowly, frown appearing briefly on his forehead as he blinked owlishly before a grin took over his face.

“A ‘friend’, huh?” asked Yeosang knowingly. “I was wondering when were you going to finally tell me that you are seeing someone new.”

Seonghwa stayed focused on the countertop as he tried to act like it wasn’t a big deal, but he could feel his ears betraying him as they got immediately warmer at the obvious teasing tone.

“I’m not seeing anyone, it really is just a friend from out of town visiting,” he replied casually before glancing up to make direct eye contact. “I just can't come up with a decent activity to do in the city besides going to the market or laying on the beach.”

“Since when do you have friends from out of town?” asked Yeosang, leaning over the counter, eyeing him up and down suspiciously.

Seonghwa groaned. “You know what? Nevermind. Forget I even asked.”

His friend laughed before lifting his hands in mock surrender.

“Fine, fine. Let’s pretend I believe you,” said Yeosang, clearly still skeptical as he paused to release a thoughtful humming sound. “It’s pretty hot these days, so I’d probably avoid any outdoor activities. Maybe you could go to the SEA Life Aquarium? Great conversation starters, kind of intimate with all the dim lights and soothing water sounds, but also casual enough because you’ll be surrounded by people.”

Seonghwa’s hand stopped wiping the pristine surface of the countertop the moment he processed the words, head tilting to the side as he considered the idea.

“That …actually sounds like a good plan.” 

Yeosang was right: it was the right balance between intimate and casual he was looking for, and they could just focus on the fish if things got awkward between them.

His friend continued to look at him with the same inquisitive stare that betrayed his clear intention of dragging this topic, but the sound of the bell above door chiming interrupted him before he had the chance to drill Seonghwa about this – and, considering who had just walked in, the topic of his ‘not-date’ would be the last thing in Yeosang’s mind for a while.

San smiled as he headed in their direction with a polite nod, closely followed by a serious-looking tall man who was wearing an ill-fitting suit that made him seem slightly disheveled while he stood behind his perfectly polished companion.

“Good morning! Welcome to Deja Brew,” said Yeosang, not-so-subtly pushing him out of the way to take over the register.

Seonghwa had to hold back the smirk as he watched San’s smile grow bigger as he approached, and he immediately started to gather everything he needed to prepare a familiar order he knew by heart at this point. 

His friend stubbornly refused to believe that his crush kept coming by just to see him, but it was hard to ignore that the other man was showing up almost every single day lately to pick up the same large order and linger around as much as possible while they both danced awkwardly around each other in front of Seonghwa.

“Hi, good morning!”

“What can I do for you today?” asked Yeosang in his well-rehearsed professional voice. “Your usual?”

“Not yet. We’ll take it with us when we leave later, but we actually want to sit down to have a late breakfast first,” said San with the same cheerful tone that Seonghwa expected from him by now. “Oh, by the way. This is Mingi, we work together. He’s completely obsessed with your Soboro Bread, so he decided to tag along today.”

The tall newcomer bowed politely at the introduction, the previously serious look on his face becoming almost shy as he scratched the back of his neck.

“All your pastries are really good, but I’ll admit I’m particularly fond of the Soboro Bread.”

“You’re in luck,” added Seonghwa while pointing to the display. “Our baker made a new batch after the morning rush, so you’re getting them basically fresh out of the oven.”

Mingi’s eyes lit up at that, excitement rolling off him as a big smile took over his face.

“I guess I’ll have two, then.”

Seonghwa started to work on the food while both men finished ordering before he discreetly followed them with his eyes as they moved to sit at a table by the window, catching the way San leaned over to whisper something before quickly sending a look in Yeosang’s direction.

“I think they’re talking about you,” he muttered with a teasing tone.

His friend scoffed while arranging the coffees carefully, but he still immediately grabbed the tray before Seonghwa had the chance to do it himself with a fake nonchalant expression.

“Why would they be talking about me? Stop saying nonsense,” said Yeosang quickly as he walked away.

Because he likes you too, you idiot.

He rolled his eyes and watched the scene unfold in front of him as both men stopped whispering when they saw Yeosang approaching, smiling up at him when he gently put everything on the table before sharing a few words with them and walking back towards the register.

Seonghwa continued to stare at the pair for a bit longer, grabbing the rag and the spray bottle with determination after a few charged seconds of silence.

“Can you not?” whispered Yeosang somewhere behind him. “You’re not being subtle at all.”

“What? I’m just making sure the tables are clean before lunch time,” he replied, as innocent as he could.

His friend sent him another annoyed look as Seonghwa simply grinned in reply and walked over to the nearest empty table, wiping it down while trying to overhear snippets of their conversation, but ultimately finding that they were too far away from him to catch anything.

It took him a few more minutes to casually make his way as close to their table as he could go while cleaning everything he could find in his path, ears working overtime to pick up the low tone of their voices.

“...I don’t know. I have trouble believing he could actually be into someone, that would require him to be a real human being,” said Mingi, voice carrying enough for Seonghwa to finally hear it. “It’s true that he acts less like a robot these days, but I can’t say I’ve noticed that much of a drastic change in his behavior. You’re his assistant, though, you know him way better than me.”

He froze mid-sweep, quickly realizing that they were clearly gossiping about someone completely unrelated to Yeosang, which meant that he had spent the last five minutes wiping clean tables for nothing.

Dammit, he’s never going to let me live this down.

“It’s just so strange. I’ve been working for him for years, and I’ve never seen him do any of this before,” replied San before pausing to take another bite of food. “I’m telling you, he’s into someone. He’s been acting weird for a while now, but he’s been extra weird lately. He’s definitely going out with someone.”

“Do you think it’s Jiwoo? He spends a lot of time with her,” whispered Mingi playfully, leaning in like he was sharing a mischievous secret.

The air shifted abruptly as uncomfortable silence took over the conversation, a noticeable contrast to what had previously been a lighthearted and gossipy vibe – so sudden and tense that Seonghwa couldn’t help but discreetly lift his head to look at them with curiosity.

“It’s definitely not her,” replied San in a carefully guarded tone that mirrored the new awkwardness. “I don’t think it’s anyone from work.”

“You’re right,” said Mingi, seemingly oblivious to the growing uneasiness coming from his co-worker. “And, let’s be honest, it's probably not even a woman either.”

Seonghwa could feel his own heart skip a beat before quickly picking up the pace, anxiety growing as he carefully watched both men stare at each other in charged silence for a brief moment.

“Not that there would be anything wrong with that! I didn’t mean to, ah, imply there was. It’s just, you know…”

“Let’s just drop it,” said San, tone surprisingly sharp even if the sentence was followed by one of his trademark eye smiles. “We shouldn’t even be gossiping about him anyway, especially not in publ—”

“Seonghwa!”

He jumped the moment he heard his name, turning around to find that a line of people had started to form in front of the register while he was too busy eavesdropping and feeling secondhand panic as he accidentally witnessed what he suspected was a fellow queer man getting caught up in a very awkward situation with his co-worker.

“I could use some help here, please,” added Yeosang, giving him a knowing look with a hint of judgement behind it.

Seonghwa flashed an innocent smile in his direction while he hurried back to the counter, feeling weirdly flustered as he put the cleaning supplies away before washing his hands with a nervous exhale to try to calm down his racing heart.

His eyes went back to the table at the corner when he moved to stand behind the food display to find that San and Mingi were now eating in heavy silence, tension still so thick it was almost palpable even from across the room.

The awkwardness had seemed to fade at some point while Seonghwa was focusing on the long line of patrons, because by the time both men had gotten up to grab their usual coffee order and leave, the expressions on their faces had gone back to being perfectly pleasant and relaxed again.

Still, his own strange sense of uneasiness continued to linger at the edge of his mind even if he hadn’t even been a real participant in the conversation, pressing down on him long after San and Mingi had walked out the door waving and smiling like nothing had happened.

–

Seonghwa shifted in the seat as the taxi made its way towards their destination, nervousness growing exponentially when the sleek edge of the aquarium started to peek in the distance as they got closer.

He looked over at Hongjoong, who was too busy looking out the window to notice his not-so-subtle inquisitive stare, eyes filled with curiosity as he tried to figure out what was the mystery ‘date’ spot Seonghwa had chosen for them today.

Seonghwa felt his anxiety spike when a group of screaming children immediately ran past them the moment they stepped out of the taxi, face flushing warm with embarrassment as he adjusted the collar of the silky lilac shirt Hongjoong had bought for him earlier that week.

Oh my God, I fucked up. 

The location had sounded just perfect when Yeosang had mentioned it, exactly the kind of neutral and safe environment Seonghwa had been looking for when he asked, but reality was finally sinking in now that they were standing in front of the entrance surrounded by people – surrounded by families.

Of all the places he could have picked, this was definitely not where someone like him should be bringing their rich ‘sugar daddy’ to, especially on a random Thursday evening right after the man got off work.

They weren’t even a week into the new arrangement, and Seonghwa was already failing spectacularly.

Yeah, I fucked up badly.

“This is it?”

He turned around to see Hongjoong looking at the decorative statue of a shark holding the sign spelling the name of the aquarium between its jaws, his frown growing bigger as he stared at it with a confused expression on his face.

He racked his brain desperately, trying to come up with something else they could do in this particular area that would be a better fit for the other man than this, before finally giving up with a sigh.

“Huh, yeah. You wanted to discover the city and this is one of the top attractions in Busan, so I thought it could be…” he muttered before giggling nervously while he shifted from one foot to another. “Interesting.”

Hongjoong finally looked away from the shark to stare at him, looking as lost as he’d looked before Seonghwa’s half-assed explanation for a moment before a smile broke out on his face, so big and bright that its shine reached his eyes straight away.

“I’ve never been to an aquarium before.”

The other man sounded almost shy and embarrassed as he said it, a hint of curious excitement oozing out of him before he started moving towards the door.

“Never?” asked Seonghwa as he followed close behind, surprised by the statement. “Not even as a kid?”

“This isn’t exactly the type of outing my school used to do, and it’s definitely not something my family would ever consider doing either,” explained Hongjoong, eyes still shining. “Please, tell me we’re going to see penguins.”

Seonghwa chuckled. “Yes, they have a fairly big penguin area inside.”

The other man released a clearly involuntary soft sound in response to his statement, a poorly restrained mix of a gasp and a yelp, before pointing towards the door urgently.

“Shall we?”

Seonghwa laughed before following him into the lobby, anxiety slowly melting away as they walked inside after paying for their tickets to be welcomed by the sound of background chatter and the muffled hum of the water tanks that filled the cool and dimly lit space.

The silence stretched between them for a bit while they self-consciously wandered from room to room, gaze lingering on the exhibits as they awkwardly talked about the types of sea creature they were seeing and the layout of the aquarium.

It wasn’t long until the colorful displays and the relaxed atmosphere ended up doing its magic, though, tension disappearing after a particularly ugly fish with a big bulbous head seemed to suddenly pop up out of nowhere in the tank in front of them to send them both into a surprised laughter.

The giggles followed them as they entered a large tunnel, blue and green hues shimmering around them while they continued to make fun of the poor fish they had just seen for a bit longer before focusing on the jellyfish swimming rhythmically in front of them.

“Do they even have brains?” asked Seonghwa after the laughs had finally died down.

“I don’t know. Probably not? They seem to just be there, chilling and existing, unaware of everything.”

“Sounds wonderful, to be honest. I’m kind of…” he said, smile growing bigger again as the words came out of his mouth before he could stop them. “Jelly.”

Hongjoong immediately let out a loud chuckle at that before groaning, the sound coming out shocked and whiny despite the big grin on his face.

“Oh my God, Seonghwa. That was awful.”

“And you still laughed!” he exclaimed.

Silence fell around them once again while they walked through the tunnel side by side, but this time it didn’t feel as tense and awkward, lights casting patterns across their faces when schools of fishes swam over them before they entered a dark room with a small tank that seemed to hold different types of baby stingrays.

Seonghwa couldn’t help but giggle out loud again as a particularly dramatic-looking ray moved to hover right in front of him, and he tapped on the thick glass gently while mimicking the funny expression on its face before he heard the loud sound of a camera going off next to him.

Hongjoong had his phone pointed at him when he turned around, smile disappearing immediately from his increasingly reddening face the moment Seonghwa made direct eye contact with him over the device.

“Did you just take a picture of me?” he asked before he could stop himself, even though he already knew the answer.

The other man took a step back, almost like the question had been a physical slap to his face instead of just words, while his expression got even more flustered.

“I’m sorry, it was an impulse,” replied Hongjoong as he quickly moved to hand the phone in his direction. “You can delete it if you want to. I promise I’ve never taken any other pictures of you before, but feel free to check.”

Seonghwa stared at the device in silence before looking up at him once again, only snapping out of his confusion when a child suddenly screamed with delight in their near vicinity.

“No, it’s fine. It just caught me by surprise,” he said finally before letting out an awkward laugh to try to lessen the sudden tension. “You could have warned me first, though, I just know I was making a very unflattering silly face at that moment.”

“You weren’t. You looked…” replied Hongjoong immediately as a shy smile took over his face again. “Cute. Like, really cute.”

Seonghwa laughed nervously again and fidgeted with his shirt, heart racing in his chest as warmth spread up his neck when the other man’s shy smile started to turn into a grin while he slowly walked in his direction again.

“Nothing you do ever looks silly or unflattering. It’s quite an impressive skill, honestly. I don’t know how you do it.”

He stood there frozen while Hongjoong got much closer to him, the light from the tank casting a blue sheen on the man’s face to highlight his beautiful features in the otherwise dark room as his fingers brushed against Seonghwa’s.

He looked around quickly when the air shifted because he was fully aware of what that stare paired with the sudden tension between them meant by now, noticing that they were in a somewhat secluded and dark corner of the room, but there was still a steady flow of people walking by every now and then.

“Hongjoong, we’re in public,” he murmured, his voice barely louder than a whisper.

“So?”

Seonghwa’s heart got even louder in his ears, only noticing that he was shaking slightly when the other man’s fingers wrapped firmly around his hand as he closed the small gap between their bodies.

He knew the only thing he needed to do was to take a step back and Hongjoong would instantly drop it, but he stayed right where he was as the man leaned in to brush his lips against his softly.

Seonghwa closed his eyes as a different kind of warmth spread in his belly at the gentleness and innocence of the kiss, very different from the ones they had shared before in the heat of the moment when they were alone behind closed doors.

He rationally knew that the quick peck had barely lasted a few seconds, but he still felt like the world had temporarily disappeared around them as they got caught up in their own private bubble for a moment before the chatter of the people around them reappeared again in a rush.

Hongjoong sent a smug look in his direction when they pulled apart, looking very flustered and slightly nervous despite the big smirk on his face.

“Worth it.”

Seonghwa laughed and and playfully slapped his arm, but didn’t add anything else as the other man silently pulled on the hand he was still holding onto to guide him back to the path they were supposed to follow to continue their journey into the next exhibit.

Hongjoong’s fingers never let go of his even after they walked into the next room, heart racing in his chest as he became hyper aware of how exposed and obvious they were in that moment, but finding that it was hard to focus on anything else while the other man’s thumb would rub small patterns on his skin while they walked.

The air between them still carried the spark left behind by the kiss they had just shared, both of them pretending to pay attention to the fish even if their shy smiles betrayed the lingering warmth they felt as they moved among locals and tourists alike while holding hands.

Hongjoong’s face lit up immediately when they reached the penguin exhibit, excitement pouring out of him in palpable waves as he quickly dragged Seonghwa through the noisy kids to get a closer look of the massive tank that stretched tall and wide to occupy the whole wall.

“Oh my God, look at that one! It’s so tiny!”

He felt the smile on his face growing bigger while he stared at the way Hongjoong was basically vibrating in his skin for a moment longer, before finally dragging his eyes away to focus on the spot the other man was pointing to find a baby penguin trying to jump on a rock with obvious determination – only to immediately slip on the slippery surface and fall into water with a loud honk and a splash.

Hongjoong made a cooing sound before clutching his chest, almost like the sheer cuteness of the tiny bird was too much for him to handle, and Seonghwa giggled before he grabbed his phone with his free hand to hit the ‘record’ button before he even made the conscious choice to do so.

The other man continued to focus on the penguins with almost childish fascination on his face, eyes shining while the animals gracefully swam around in the water like tiny torpedoes before jumping back on the rocky shore to awkwardly waddle around while tripping on their own feet.

Seonghwa chuckled at the sight as the pleasant feeling in his chest grew even warmer when an overwhelming wave of fondness hit him hard in the chest, watching how this grown man in his expensive suit blended in perfectly with the rest of the overly excited crowd of kids while they collectively cooed and aww-ed.

Hongjoong’s excited amusement faltered slightly when he turned around to find the phone pointed at him, eyebrow raising higher as a smirk took over the previously wholesome smile.

“What? I couldn’t stop myself either,” he said unapologetically after hitting ‘stop’ on the video. “Now we’re even.”

The other man laughed shyly before nervously scratching the back of his neck, and Seonghwa impulsively took another picture of him to immortalize how adorable he looked in that moment.

“Sorry…” explained Hongjoong. “This is incredibly silly, but I just really like birds for some reason, and this is my first time seeing penguins.”

“Don’t apologize, it’s really cute,” said Seonghwa, mustering all the courage in his body to add: “I like this side of you.”

His comment triggered another nervous laugh as the blush spread from the man’s ears down his neck, and this time he didn’t even fight the urge to lift his camera again to take a snapshot of the sight.

Hongjoong chuckled, staring at him with so much fondness in his gaze that Seonghwa almost felt like the fluttering feeling in his chest was going to suffocate him, before he posed in front of a penguin that was swimming in circles behind him in the tank.

“Can you take another one, please?”

Seonghwa’s smile grew bigger at the excitement in the man’s voice, taking a few steps back to capture as much of the animal as possible in the frame while Hongjoong pointed at it with a happy grin on his face.

Perhaps I didn’t fuck this up that badly, after all.

–

The unspoken shift in the air hung between them after that as they moved from exhibit to exhibit, taking silly pictures of one another and giggling whenever they saw a particularly funny-looking sea creature.

Seonghwa couldn’t remember the last time he felt this carefree and giddy while he allowed himself to be dragged along, getting so lost in the warmth of their intertwined hands and the sound of Hongjoong’s bright laughter that he didn’t even notice how late it had gotten until he realized that the steady flow of people had died down considerably.

He was driven by that same euphoric feeling when he left the other man behind in the lobby on their way out with the excuse of doing one last trip to the restroom, the monotone voice coming from the speakers letting them know that the aquarium was about to close their doors as he rushed into the gift shop before he had the chance to talk himself out of it.

His mind was still reeling after they walked out of the building and sat down to have dinner in a nearby restaurant, going back and forth between feeling stupid for spending that much money on the impulsive purchase that sat inside his bag, to feeling embarrassingly excited about the thought of actually giving it to Hongjoong.

In the end, the always trustworthy bottle of red wine they had ordered during dinner was the one that gave him the final push he needed, the one that made him rest his back against the front door of the man’s temporary residence with what he knew was a mischievous smile on his face.

“I have a little present for you,” sang Seonghwa, feeling much tipsier than he had felt when they got into the taxi.

Hongjoong froze in the process of taking his shoes off, his equally playful smirk growing bigger as he looked him up and down with dark eyes.

“Do you, now? Can’t wait to unwrap it.”

Seonghwa chuckled and rolled his eyes, taking his own shoes off without any finesse and stumbling into the big living room to stand in the middle of it.

“Not that, you horny dog,” he said lightly and without any real bite to it. “Come here and close your eyes.”

“Yes, sir.”

Hongjoong complied with a light laugh as he stood way closer than needed with his eyes closed and his hands extended in front of him, the grin on the man’s face only faltering when opened his eyes to look at the small present that had been placed on his palms.

Seonghwa had walked into that gift shop with the intention of quickly buying anything penguin-related before they closed, but he had fallen completely in love with the fluffy chick plushie the moment he had laid eyes on it – an almost identical copy of the one they had seen slipping and falling down at the aquarium.

Hongjoong stared at the toy on his hand with an indescribable look on his face, and all the tipsy bravery Seonghwa had felt barely seconds ago evaporated completely as the playful atmosphere disappeared while the silence stretched between them.

“Sorry if I hyped it up too much. It’s just a stupid plushie, but I thought you might lik—”

The words he was about to mutter disappeared from his lips when he found himself engulfed in a sudden embrace, strong arms hugging him incredibly tightly for a brief moment before loosening up around him just enough to let him breathe again.

“I love it.”

The whisper was so soft that Seonghwa felt it more than he actually heard it, three words so full of gratitude and emotion that he could feel his own eyes watering immediately as he allowed himself to press his face into Hongjoong’s neck to completely melt in the embrace.

He doesn’t know how long they stood there in silence, warmth growing hotter between their bodies as their fast heartbeats synched up with so much precision that Seonghwa found himself completely unable to tell them apart.

The placid calmness was suddenly interrupted when he realized that they had never shared a hug that wasn’t an attempt to bring their bodies closer during sex, and he almost released a humorless laugh at the bizarre and messed up situation he had found himself in.

He couldn't remember the last time a hug had felt this intimate, this full of non-platonic care and affection.

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt like this between a man’s arms either, so safe and appreciated.

So loved.

Oh, I did fuck this up. I fucked up badly.

Seonghwa lifted his head when he felt another wave of unshed tears rushing towards his eyes to immediately catch Hongjoong’s lips, something that he hoped would distract him long enough to prevent the panicked realization he could see lingering in the distance.

His desperate attempt to switch the mood was welcomed with the same level of intensity, and the kiss quickly deepened to snap them both out of whatever was happening and bring them back to more familiar territory.

Hongjoong’s hands were calm when he first pushed them under Seonghwa’s shirt to slowly run them over his back, but it didn’t take long for them to grow hungrier as fingers dug deeper into his skin to pull his body closer until they were rutting against each other – fully clothed and already aching for each other.

They stumbled up the stairs without breaking the kiss, half-laughing and half-moaning every time one of them missed a step in their urgency to get to the bed without letting go of each other, clothes getting discarded on the way there until both of them fell on top of the mattress completely naked.

Seonghwa moved towards the center of it before leaning back on his elbows to watch Hongjoong crawl closer until he was kneeling between his open legs, a giggle escaping his lips when his head started spinning from the wine, the kisses, and all the dangerous thoughts he was running from.

The other man stared at him with dark hungry eyes while his fingers ran up his calves, slowly tracing the path towards his hips to leave goosebumps behind as he continued to stare down at him without any kind of hint of teasing or playfulness in his expression.

“I wanted to focus on you today and make you feel good, but I can’t hold it back any longer,” murmured Hongjoong, lowering himself to make their bodies collide again so he could rub his erection against Seonghwa’s own half-hard dick. “I need to fuck you raw. So, so bad. I can’t stop thinking about what it must feel like, I feel like I’m going crazy.”

“You always make me feel good,” he replied immediately just as softly, trying to make it sound lighthearted and flirty, but failing to do so as his voice came out solemn and choked up.

He knew he should hate how true that statement truly was, that he should hate how much of a slave he was to his own arousal and greediness when it came to Hongjoong.

He knew he should hate how difficult and yet how easy everything had become just because of how good this man made him feel in so many ways, ways that went beyond the mind-numbing physical pleasure and the life-changing money he could provide for Seonghwa.

He knew he should hate that it was already too late to ever come back from this or fix his mistakes, and yet he found himself completely addicted to the gratifying thrill he felt whenever they were together – even if that blissful sensation always came laced with a healthy dose of guilt, pain, and fear.

Hongjoong leaned down to kiss him again, slowly and tender in a way that matched the lack urgency in his hands as they moved up Seonghwa’s chest to find his nipples, thumbs running over them before his mouth moved down his neck to drag his tongue on his skin without any hurry.

He couldn’t help but whine as he melted against the mattress while the other man explored every patch of skin with warm hands and reverent lips, his movements patient and calm despite the supposed desperation that was driving him crazy with the need to put his dick inside Seonghwa without any barriers between them for the first time.

“Just fuck me already,” he said breathlessly, back arching without his conscious control to bring his bruised nipple closer to the lips that had been abusing it for a while now.

Hongjoong didn’t even acknowledge his whiny plea as his tongue continued its journey down his abdomen, only leaving his skin during the brief moment it took him to fetch the lube from the nightstand before going back to drag his lips on the sensitive spot that sat over his hip.

Seonghwa could only lay there while he slowly became a whining mess, allowing his body to openly express the pleasure rushing through him as slick fingers slid inside him while the other man lazily took his dick into his mouth, feeling like he would explode from the pressure if he tried to hold the sounds in at the double friction.

They were both shaking with repressed desire by the time he broke the growingly overwhelming eye contact to turn around and get on all fours just to get away from that gaze, Hongjoong immediately moving to position himself behind him and rub the edge of his stretched hole with the lubed-up tip of his dick.

“Are you ready?”

“Just do it, please,” he replied, too quickly to come across as remotely unbothered while he lowered his chest to rest on the mattress to try to create a more enticing view.

Seonghwa felt a comforting hand running down his back before he finally felt the slick erection filling him up slowly, hands pulling on the comforter as the unbearable heat of the man’s thick cock forced his muscles to stretch around it to accommodate its girth.

He couldn’t help but whine at the satisfying burn that always came with that first push, something that always made his lungs skip a breath and his legs tremble, and still somehow felt different tonight as the smooth drag of Hongjoong’s bare dick sliding inside made everything even more intense.

His high-pitched gasp was quickly echoed by a deep grunt coming from behind him when that blunt pressure continued to slowly sink into him, the fingers that were holding tightly onto Seonghwa’s hips digging deeper as the man kept himself from thrusting in too fast, even if they were both more than used to having rough sex by now.

“It feels so good,” whispered Hongjoong when he finally buried himself as deep as he could go. “You feel so fucking good, I’m going to lose my mind.”

He pushed back in a silent response, meeting the man’s hips half-way as he began to fuck him with deliberately slow but deep thrusts, dick coming almost all the way out before gently breaching Seonghwa again to send waves of pleasure through his body every time it pushed inside.

One of Hongjoong’s arms slid around his chest to carefully get him off the mattress and into a kneeling position, immediately pressing his chest against his back as he continued to rut into him, hand resting over Seonghwa’s heart and lips dragging messily on his shoulder while he mumbled almost unintelligible praises between restrained thrusts. 

“Good boy.”

He looked over his shoulder at the solemn tone behind Hongjoong’s voice, locking eyes with him and whining again when he found the same desperate and hungry look on the man’s face, a familiar show of raw passion that was giving away the fact he felt as wrecked as Seonghwa did while they maintained their undivided attention on each other.

The fire he found in that intense gaze made the weight behind his rib cage expand under Hongjoong’s hand, making it harder to breathe as his hips moved back to meet every thrust while chasing the pleasure that he knew would probably end up drowning him under the heightened emotions.

His head dropped down again just to run away from those eyes, choosing to rest his weight on his forearms again and focus on the physical sensations, instead of the thoughts threatening to spiral out of control if he allowed himself to look too much into the devoted intensity he had witnessed.

“Ha-harder.”

Hongjoong wordlessly obeyed the request and snapped his hips forward, the sound of the wet slaps of their bodies increasing to match the cacophony of moans that was filling the room, the rough pace shifting the heavy tension in the air to bring the emotions back to simple and familiar animalistic desire.

His own throbbing erection swung painfully with every push, neglected and begging for attention, but Seonghwa ignored it as he focused on arching his back in the way he knew drove the other man crazy and pushing his hips back to meet the thrusts half-way – his own need to orgasm completely overruled by the overwhelming desire to feel Hongjoong come deep inside him.

Seonghwa’s hands pulled on the comforter when the angle shifted in a way that made the other man hit his prostate with enough precision to blur his vision and open his lips in a silent scream, and he tilted his hips in response to keep the pressure on the sensitive spot that was making him cry out breathlessly.

He could feel tears pooling in his eyes as the heat in his belly grew hotter and tighter until the dam that was keeping it all barely contained finally broke open, the feeling of Hongjoong’s slick hand pumping his sensitive dick sending waves of electricity through every nerve in his body when Seonghwa came with a wet sob.

He clung to sheets while his muscles spasmed and his limbs gave out, white noise filling his ears and sparks filling his vision as the other man continued fucking him in the same brutal pace he had set before his orgasm, pleasure quicky turning into pain as his oversensitive insides tightened even more around the cock that was breaking him apart.

“Hwa.”

Another sob escaped him after Hongjoong followed the breathless word by burying his dick as deep as it could go with a sharp thrust, body shaking while he came with a groan that made both of their chests vibrate when he rested his weight on top of Seonghwa to continue rutting into him, filling him up before they both collapsed bonelessly onto the bed.

He stared at the pillow through half-closed eyelids as the man’s warm and heavy body grounded him down against the mattress, helping the pleasant aftershocks of his orgasm lull his brain into peaceful silence while they both gasped for air while their hearts and breathing slowed down.

The sweat on their skin had started to cool under the blasting AC by the time Hongjoong nuzzled his nape one last time before lifting himself up with a pained groan, slowly pulling his dick out with a wet pop before scooting back to kneel between Seonghwa’s open legs.

“Fuck, it looks even better than I imagined.”

He stared back at the other man in confusion for a second before letting out a snort the moment he noticed that Hongjoong’s eyes were fixed on his ass, hungrily watching the string of slick he could feel slowly dripping out of his stretched hole and down his balls.

You’re so predictable.

Seonghwa winced in pain when he shifted his position to rest on his back and bring his thighs closer to his body, feeling a hint of shame burn bright in his stomach as he exposed himself even more to push the mix of lube and cum out of him – a light feeling of embarrassment that disappeared completely the moment he heard a high-pitched moan fill the air.

“Stop doing that, or I’ll get hard again.”

He laughed. “Then clean the mess you created inside me.”

Seonghwa’s words made Hongjoong whine again, and he couldn’t help but laugh when the other man reluctantly tore his dark eyes away from his dripping hole to retrieve a couple of towels from the ensuite bathroom, ones they then used to uselessly try to clean the massive wet spot on the comforter before giving up and slipping underneath the fabric anyway.

He sighed happily as pleasant tingles still ran under his skin when he scooted closer to Hongjoong to curl up against him and entangle their legs together, skin sticky with dried sweat while they laid in comfortable silence under the blankets to come back from their highs.

The room was so peaceful and quiet that they both got startled when a faint buzz came from the man’s discarded pants on the floor, phone vibrating inside the pocket for a bit longer before stopping altogether.

Seonghwa shifted again to find a more comfortable position against Hongjoong’s chest as the other man traced invisible patterns on his shoulder gently enough to make his skin burst into goosebumps, only to then jump startled once more when the phone started vibrating again.

The other man didn’t even acknowledge it, eyes closed while he focused on drawing random symbols on his shoulder even after the buzzing immediately came back right after it had died down, as the person on the other end of the line became more persistent.

“Aren’t you going to pick it up? It sounds urgent,” muttered Seonghwa finally.

Hongjoong let out a soft humorless chuckle, eyes finally opening up to stare in the general direction of the pants before looking up to the ceiling with an annoyed expression on his face.

“I can promise you it’s not. It’s just my brother trying to do my father’s dirty work, like he always does.”

Seonghwa hesitated for a moment before moving back to rest on one elbow next to him, eyes fixed on the other man as the hand slipped away from his shoulder to fall on the bed with a sigh.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked carefully, trying to portray a comforting and welcoming vibe. “You don’t have to, of course! I just want you to know that you can vent to me. If you want to.”

“Not much to say, to be honest. I made a deal with my father a long ago and he keeps unilaterally changing the terms whenever he feels like it,” explained Hongjoong, his tone intentionally guarded and flat as his jaw tightened visibly. “Which is exactly what I knew he’d do because that’s the kind of shit he does every time, so I don’t even know why I expected a different outcome to begin with.”

Seonghwa stayed silent, resting his hand on the man’s chest to offer some comfort while giving him the space he clearly needed to release everything he had been clearly holding inside for a long time.

“I never even wanted to be part of any of this in the first place, you know?” continued Hongjoong, voice getting louder and sharper. “I never wanted to grow up attending all these stupid events and being forced to act like I wasn’t bored out of my mind every single time. I never wanted to spend years studying Business Administration alongside the same elitist assholes who had made fun of me all my life. And I certainly never wanted to work in the family company, let alone be the fucking COO and deal with responsibilities I was never supposed to deal with.”

The rant was followed by the sound of his phone buzzing again, making the man release a bitter laugh as his body started to shake with barely-contained rage, tears pooling in his eyes while his heart raced under Seonghwa’s hand.

“The funniest part is that my father never wanted me to be part of his precious company either! He just knew it’d look very suspicious if he included my brother and not me, and keeping up appearances is all he has ever cared about. I was supposed to keep a low profile for a while and then disappear, that was our deal: he’d give me a fancy job position without any real workload after graduating, and then I’d be able to slowly fade off over time so I could move overseas and get away from all of this fake bullshit.”

That’s it. Let it all out. Share your burden with me.

“But he keeps moving the goalposts and giving me all these promotions and projects, because he knows the deeper I am in the company, the harder it is for me to leave. I guess he didn’t expect me to actually be good at my job when we first made our deal, and yet here we are now,” added Hongjoong, getting choked up before letting another self-deprecating laugh out. “He might be ashamed of the fact that a faggot is carrying his blood, but he’s certainly not ashamed of the results I provide.”

Silence fell around them again after that, so thick and full of pain that Seonghwa himself could feel tears sliding down his face as he gently caressed the man’s chest for a bit longer, before scooting over to lay his head on Hongjoong’s pec and wrapping an arm around him in an awkward half-hug.

“What was your dream job as a kid?” he whispered softly after a while.

His seemingly random question was initially met with the same tense silence, but soon after he could feel the other man relax slightly under his weight when a light laugh made his chest vibrate under Seonghwa’s cheek.

“Fashion designer.”

“Can’t say I’m surprised by that,” he replied, smiling with relief at the answer.

“It’s never going to happen, but sometimes I fantasize about the life I’d have if I had actually gone down that path. I find myself wondering what that other version of me would be doing in that alternative universe,” explained Hongjoong.

Seonghwa could feel his heart skip a beat at that, feeling the painful echo of all the times he had done the exact same thing, all the times he had laid in bed and cried himself to sleep thinking about all the possible ‘what ifs’.

“You can still become that version of you,” he said instead with some effort, words almost getting stuck in the sudden lump in his throat. “It’s never too late.”

“I’m afraid I’m too much of a coward to do what needs to be done in order to make that happen.”

Seonghwa sat up at that, the vulnerable feeling of being accidentally seen disappearing when a more pressing emotion took over as he made direct eye contact with Hongjoong to try to convey how serious he was right now.

“I know it’s not my place to say this, but ‘coward’ is the last word I’d ever use to describe you,” he said, meaning every single word. “You’ve shown nothing but courage since the moment I met you. A coward wouldn’t be able to approach me the way you did. A coward wouldn’t be able to overcome their fears and insecurities the way you have. A coward wouldn’t be able to proudly walk around in public while holding hands with another man the way you do.”

Hongjoong simply looked at him in silence with wide eyes and the same helpless and scared expression that Seonghwa himself had seen staring back in the mirror countless times before, a mix of insecurity and hope he was painfully familiar with.

This man had forced him to look at all the ugly parts of himself that he had hid away to try to keep them out of sight and out of mind, and he felt the sudden overwhelming need to return the favor and trigger the same domino effect in him.

“I understand where you’re coming from, though. I really do, because I…” added Seonghwa, heart racing as he pushed through the fear. “I guess I have a similar experience. I always wanted to be a teacher. Went to school for it, even, but then shit happened and I had to drop out. I used to make myself literally sick thinking about the life I could have had too. It became the most efficient type of ammo I could use to harm myself when I felt like I deserved the pain, so trust me when I say absolutely nothing good ever comes from mourning a version of yourself that never existed.”

He could hear his own blood rushing in his ears as he stubbornly maintained eye contact, trying really to ignore how stupidly ashamed he felt after openly exposing some of his most private and embarrassing thoughts, the ones he had never spoken out loud to anybody.

Hongjoong’s gaze softened before his lips curved into a small grateful smile, hand moving to rest on the one Seonghwa was still resting on his chest to give it a comforting squish that spoke louder than words.

“A teacher, huh? I can actually see that. You would be a fantastic teacher, you have a very nurturing aura.”

He could feel his own matching smile growing too at the cathartic rush that came from feeling validated after baring yourself open and being vulnerable in front of someone who seemed to truly understand what it was like.

“Definitely the kind of teacher all the students would have a crush on too,” added Hongjoong playfully.

“Stop it!” replied Seonghwa, laughing as he slapped his chest softly. “They would be too young to even have real crushes. I know it probably sounds very weird coming from someone like me, but I wanted to do early childhood. Like, small kids, you know? That’s my dream.”

“Doesn’t sound weird at all, that actually suits you even more,” said Hongjoong, tone as soft and gentle as the look on his eyes. “Then, I’m going to tell you the same thing you told me just now: you can still become that person. It’s never too late.”

I’m trying to. I really am. 

Charged silence stretched between them again for a brief moment, only to be interrupted by the buzzing sound of Hongjoong’s phone vibrating on the floor one more time.

“Who knows?” said Seonghwa without breaking eye contact. “Maybe someday.”

And it’s all thanks to you.

–

KHJ
I can’t believe I’m stuck at work 
When I could be hanging out with the penguins instead

Seonghwa
Omg I created a monster
We saw them YESTERDAY

KHJ
Exactly
A whole day away
At least I have Penny here keep me company
Say hi to her
[Picture]

Seonghwa shifted on the couch as the image loaded to show the penguin plushie sitting under a sleek wooden monitor stand, carefully nested between two stacks of files and looking entirely out of place in what otherwise seemed to be a fairly generic corporate desk.

“Oh my God.”

The whisper was quickly followed by a nervous giggle while he stared at the screen in total disbelief, feeling equal parts of giddiness and dread at the idea of rich Chief-Operating-Officer Kim Hongjoong taking a silly stuffed animal to his literal workplace.

Seonghwa
You did NOT take her to the office
What did you do?!??
People are going to see it!!

KHJ
They already did
It’s not like any of them would have the courage to actually ask about it
My assistant keeps looking at me like he knows exactly what’s going on tho
And he probably does to be fair

He stared at the message, stomach twisting in that strange way it always did every time Hongjoong casually said or did something that showed how unbothered and unashamed he was when it came to him and their ‘special relationship’.

Seonghwa
You’re shameless

KHJ
I guess I’m done feeling shame
Did that for a very long time
10/10 would not recommend

Seonghwa
I have to agree with that

“Looks like things with Sugar Daddy are going well.”

He got startled at the sudden voice that broke the comfortable silence, immediately looking over the headrest of the couch to see that Wooyoung wasn’t folding laundry on the table anymore, but instead looking at him with a carefully guarded look on his face.

They hadn’t talked about his new arrangement with Hongjoong since the moment Seonghwa confessed he had accepted the deal a week ago, dancing around what they both knew by now was a sensitive topic that would potentially end up becoming an argument.

“You spent the night with him and yet you haven’t stopped texting since you got home,” added Wooyoung, voice deceptively light despite the serious expression.

“I got distracted last night and this morning and forgot to send him the pictures I took yesterday while we were out,” admitted Seonghwa, not even trying to deny that he was indeed talking to Hongjoong. “So I did that and we just kept chatting after.”

“Mhm, right. Distracted. ”

They stared at each other for a bit longer before his friend went back to folding clothes, the light tension in his posture betraying the forced casualness of the action.

“So, things are actually going well with him then,” added Wooyoung after another moment of silence.

“Yeah,” replied Seonghwa, sitting up and putting his phone down. “Things are a bit awkward sometimes, but we are getting much better at getting over it. I…I’m having fun.”

His friend’s lips pressed into a thin line, hands still focused on the socks he was holding before he finally looked over at him with the same careful look on his face.

“I promise I’m not trying to start another argument when I say this, but it’s only been a few days, and you’re already giggling and kicking your feet while chatting with him,” said Wooyoung, the honesty in his expression making Seonghwa’s stomach twist. “You’re falling in love. Hard.”

He stared back for a moment, the noise of the background traffic coming through the window to highlight the unnaturally tense silence that was filling the living room as they maintained eye contact.

“I know.”

It was almost like he could feel the invisible weight he’d been carrying in his chest lightened once the words were out there in the open, relief rushing through him as he finally admitted something he had been pushing into the deepest corners of his mind.

“Okay. Some self-awareness, that’s progress,” added Wooyoung with a slightly teasing tone. “And what are you going to do about it? Remember that you have a plan and you promised me you would stick to it.”

“Nothing has changed. I still mean everything I said,” he explained, his tone so secure and determined that he almost surprised himself. “We’re not meant to be, and it’s too late to change the course of our relationship now, anyway. I will cut things off before he leaves for Seoul and then go back to school.”

His friend simply continued to stare at him for a moment longer before sighing, silently rubbing his forehead as he visibly debated if it was really worth it to pick Seonghwa’s words apart or not.

“Does he treat you well?”

“He does,” he replied immediately, relief spreading in his stomach. “None of the other men I’ve ever been with has treated me with this much respect and kindness.”

Wooyoung snorted. “An extremely low bar.”

“I promise you he really is nothing like them. He’s gentle and shy, but also playful and straightforward. He’s a horndog and will always take any opportunity to snatch a kiss, and yet he never makes me feel like I’m just a piece of meat. We try to avoid personal talks, but when we do open up he listens to everything I say like he genuinely cares about it,” explained Seonghwa, words spilling out of his mouth in a rush. “He makes me feel comfortable and safe in ways I didn’t think were possible. He even makes Junhyung’s voice go away when I accidentally get caught up in the past.”

Wooyoung rolled his eyes before he was even finished talking, but there was almost a hint of a teasing smile on his lips as he did so.

“Sounds like he’s falling for you too,” said his friend lightly before tapping Seonghwa’s knee.

“He is.”

The secure truth behind that reply sat heavy in his chest as he instinctively touched his wrist looking for the grounding safety of the Cartier bracelet he didn’t find there, his own words forcing him to properly process yet another piece of information he had been avoiding looking too deep into.

“Do you think you can really walk away when the time comes?” asked Wooyoung, the lightness in the air growing heavier as the conversation turned more solemn.

“Yes,” he replied, just as seriously. “I have no other choice.”

The more time he spent with Hongjoong, the clearer the picture became: the other man was slowly falling in love with the half-real version of Seonghwa he had been portraying since they met, and he could already tell that it was only going to get even worse from this point forward.

Their new arrangement was already starting to feel deceitfully intimate and romantic, now that their interactions weren’t exclusively centered around sex and they were no longer reminded of the transactional nature of their relationship with constant conversations about night schedules and payments.

He knew he’d been making things more difficult by trying to ignore the obvious fact that they were both headed towards a very messy and painful outcome, the poorly defined lines they had drawn on the sand getting even blurrier as they got deeper into the manufactured domesticity of their new dynamic.

They were living in a fragile fantasy that wouldn't be able to be sustained for too long, one that was already shaking under the weight of the lies and deception Seonghwa had used to build the weak foundation that was about to come crashing down at any given moment.

He had created this whole mess, so it was also his responsibility to pull the brakes before they reached a point of no return.

“I know I’ve said this already, but I’m sorry I’ve been so harsh to you about him since I found out. I’ve just…” said Wooyoung, visibly swallowing as he seemed to grow more nervous. “Been there, done that. I don’t want you to get hurt, you know? I don’t want you to go through shit I’ve been through.”

Seonghwa’s heart sank, another distant fear he had been trying to brush aside pushing through his confusing thoughts as the careful tone in his friend’s voice told him that this might be the right time to finally have this conversation. 

“What do you mean by that? What happened?”

Wooyoung let out a shaky laugh, full of self-deprecation and bitterness and entirely out of place in his usual sassy confidence.

“I had this viewer a while back, a regular who would spend a lot of money on tips on top of having the highest tier subscription. I knew he was much older, but he was always well-behaved and generous, so when he offered to take care of me in a more personal way I said yes. He was the perfect gentleman at first,” explained Wooyoung, head held high even if there was a shakiness in his voice. “Until he wasn’t. It got bad, and controlling. And I let him get away with it because he was paying for it, and because deep down I believed I deserved it. I am a whore, after all.”

The words hit Seonghwa right in the chest, leaving him breathless and dizzy and so incredibly shocked that he found himself completely unable to gather the right words he needed to comfort his friend after saying something like that – not that he had the air he needed to vocalize them to begin with.

“Wooyoung…” he whispered, tears pooling in his eyes as he processed what he had heard.

“It’s whatever, I’m fine now. It didn’t last that long, I ended up growing a spine and blocking the decrepit asshole soon enough. He tried to reach out a couple of times after that, but luckily he didn’t really make that much of a fuss about it. I guess using me lost its appeal over time and it wasn’t worth the hassle.”

Seonghwa continued to stare at him, silently crying as the guilt overtook every other single emotion when he had the painful realization of the real damage his relationship with Junhyung had done to his friendships.

He had been so caught up in his own toxic relationship that he was only finding out now that his literal best friend had gone through something like that without his knowledge.

Everyone is always there for me, but it seems like I can never be there for anybody no matter how hard I try.

“So, yeah, sorry for implying your sugar daddy was anything like mine. I was worried because I felt like you were going to get stuck in another toxic relationship, but with the added danger of the power imbalance that came from him dangling money you desperately needed in front of your face,” added Wooyoung after a moment of thick silence. “I thought: what if your experience was anything like mine? What if it was worse? At least I never got to meet the decrepit fuck in person, but Sugar Daddy had real access to you and your body. ”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me about any of this before?” asked Seonghwa, way louder than he had intended when he finally managed to get the words out.

“It’s not like you were around much at the time, you were too busy trying to survive your own abusive asshole. I wasn’t going to dump all of this on you while you were going through all of that,” replied his friend, tone calm and free of any judgement. “Plus, I really thought I was simply getting the treatment I had signed up for when I agreed to that arrangement. It took a lot of arguments with Yunho to make me realize that I actually didn’t deserve it.”

The city noises filled the gaps once again as they maintained teary eye contact before Seonghwa took a loud deep breath and scooted closer to pull Wooyoung into a tight embrace, trying to wordlessly express all the unspoken apologies and promises that were making his chest ache.

“I’m glad he was there to support you when I couldn’t, but it hurts that you never told me,” he murmured into his friend’s shoulder. “I could have been there for you too, you didn’t have to go through all of that alone.”

Wooyoung snorted before he returned the hug just as tightly, a wet patch growing on Seonghwa’s shoulder while they held each other like any of them would float away if they let go.

“Says the guy who will dig himself into the deepest hole just to avoid asking for help from his loved ones. Same goes to you, you fucking idiot, now you know how it feels to be pushed aside by a friend in need.”

They both laughed through the tears, a light sound that cut through the lingering tension and lifted a weight Seonghwa didn’t even know he had been carrying on his shoulders while they sat in comfortable silence before pulling back with smiles on their faces.

“I’m proud of you for trying to put yourself first,” said Wooyoung softly after a moment of hesitation. “Even if it breaks your heart.”

“I love you,” he said, trying to portray how grateful he truly felt. “Thank you for everything you do for me.”

He knew that his friend would always speak the truth Seonghwa needed but refused to hear the most, even if the words could come out harsh and argumentative sometimes, because nobody had ever cared about his well-being as fiercely and loyally as Wooyoung had.

“I love you too,” replied with his friend, with a smile that quickly turned into a smirk after a few seconds. “Wait, you said you have pictures of Sugar Daddy on your phone? Can I see?”

Seonghwa squealed at the sudden change of topic before pushing his friend away, rolling his eyes and grabbing his device to press it against his own chest protectively.

“Wha—NO!”

“Come on, show me! I promise I won’t pry any more than that, I just want to see what he looks like,” said Wooyoung as the grin grew bigger. “I tried asking Yunho, but he couldn’t remember anything beyond ‘short and decent-looking twink’.”

Seonghwa gasped. “Excuse me, he isn’t ‘decent-looking’, he’s actually way more handsome than your boyfriend.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” replied his friend immediately before shrugging his shoulders. “And you’ll have to show me his picture if you want me to believe you.”

“No, Wooyoung!”

His friend reacted to the warning by playfully going for Seonghwa’s phone with a mischievous glint in his eyes, making him let out a dramatic yelp as he moved it out of his reach before they both started wrestling over the device.

The sound of laughter replaced the heavy air left behind by the previous conversation with something lighter and more familiar, making the respective weights of their fears and insecurities a little easier to bear now that they were out in the open to be carried between the both of them.

–

The keypad lock beeped under Seonghwa’s shaky finger after he carefully pressed the last number in the sequence, an act that made the door click when it opened with a musical sound.

He hesitated for a moment before pushing it further and stepping into Hongjoong’s temporary home, feeling like he was intruding by being here alone even though he had been given express permission to do so.

The cool air of the AC hit his skin the moment he closed the door behind him as he took his shoes off while balancing the weight of the grocery bags in his hands, a very welcome contrast to the humid August heat found outside.

He walked into the apartment with the same feeling of uneasiness, one that loosened up a little bit as he breathed in the familiar scent of Hongjoong’s expensive cologne while he made his way towards the kitchen to put down the heavy bags.

The other man had been particularly busy today, so their plan had been to take it easy and simply have some dinner at an overpriced restaurant Seonghwa had never heard of before, but then he’d gotten a series of messages while he was already on his way there.

KHJ
I’m so so sorry
I’m not going to be able to make it in time for our reservation
I swear I tried to make it work but I’m not sure how long it’s going to take me to fix this
You can wait at the apartment if you’re already on the road
Door code is 1117
Get yourself comfortable and I’ll be there asap

He could have just asked the taxi to turn around and drive back to his own apartment to wait there for the other man to be done with work, but instead Seonghwa had impulsively taken a detour to the nearest market and had loaded the basket with all the ingredients he needed for the improvised plan that had formed in his head. 

He’d been cooking breakfast every time he slept over ever since that eventful first try the previous week, but he had never gotten the chance to go beyond the simple recipes of some of the most basic meals he had in his skill set.

For some reason, Seonghwa felt the overwhelming need to show that he was perfectly capable of cooking something much fancier than porridge or rice with some simple side dishes – that he was capable of creating something warm and home-y that would be waiting for Hongjoong after a long day at work.

He puts on some music before pulling everything from the bags to line it up on the  counter and wrapping the pristine apron around his waist, immediately getting to work to give himself plenty of time to cook all three dishes from scratch without needing to rush.

Most of the meals they had shared so far had been in upscale Western food restaurants, and Seonghwa was fully aware that he would never able to replicate that level of finesse, but he had also eaten with this man enough times to know that he couldn’t go wrong with jjajangmyeon with some tangsuyuk and gunmandu on the side.

For someone who had been raised in the privileges that came from unlimited amounts of money and private chefs, Hongjoong’s palate was pretty simple: all you really needed to do to keep him happy and satisfied was give him plenty of meat and virtually no vegetables.

Seonghwa had always found the process of cooking incredibly grounding and calming, so he allowed the rhythmic sound of chopping and the gentle sizzle of the food hitting the hot pan to calm his nerves as he danced between pots and pans in the big kitchen.

He was so absorbed in achieving the perfect level of crispiness in the golden pieces of gunmandu that he almost dropped the chopsticks he was holding when he heard the loud beep of the keypad on the front door traveling through the living room.

His heartbeat sped up as he quickly put out or lowered the intensity of the fires before walking out of the kitchen to find Hongjoong standing frozen at the entrance, dressed in one of his perfectly tailored blue suits – hair disheveled, glasses slipping down the bridge of his nose, tie loosened up, and the first two buttons of his creased shirt undone.

He looked stressed and worn out, but also so incredibly attractive and real that Seonghwa could almost physically feel his stomach doing a flip inside his belly the moment they made direct eye contact.

None of them said anything as they simply stared at each other in deep silence that only got occasionally interrupted by the soft sizzling noise coming from the kitchen, both looking equally caught off-guard and hesitant.

It was only when the other man finally shifted to take his shoes off that Seonghwa noticed the big bouquet of roses in his hand, a gorgeous pastel mix of light blue and lavender blooms neatly wrapped in brown paper. 

“You brought flowers,” he whispered, so soft that he could barely hear it himself.

“You made dinner,” replied Hongjoong, his tone just as uncertain.

They continued to stare at each other until Seonghwa managed to snap out of it, clearing his throat awkwardly before laughing nervously and walking closer to him with his arms extended.

“Food will be ready soon,” he said before carefully grabbing the briefcase that was hanging from the man’s left hand. “You can go take a shower and dress comfortably, if you want. We don’t have to go out today.”

Hongjoong continued to stand unnaturally still while looking at him with the same intense eyes for a second longer before wrapping his arm around him to bring him closer, holding the flowers out of the way to hug him so tightly that Seonghwa could actually feel the tension leaving the other man’s body with every exhale.

“Thank you.”

The tone behind the words was dripping with so much appreciation and gratitude that he couldn’t help but smile in response, returning the embrace with as much warmth as he could muster while using a single arm.

“God, it smells so fucking good,” whispered Hongjoong into his shoulder. “I’m so hungry, my day has been so hectic that I didn’t even have the time to eat lunch.”

Seonghwa rubbed the man’s back a few more times before stepping back to help him get his tie off, just to get suddenly interrupted by the bouquet that seemed to materialize right in front of his face.

“F-for you. I apologize for messing up our plans.”

He stared at the flowers for a second before grabbing them hesitantly, smiling shyly as he brought them even closer to his nose to properly smell the pleasant fragrance over the smell of the cooking food.

“Thank you. I love them, they’re gorgeous,” he replied, the weight in his chest traveling up to his throat to make him choke up. “You didn’t have to, though. No need to apologize for things you can’t control.”

Hongjoong’s smile grew even bigger when Seonghwa hugged the bouquet to take another shy sniff, moving forward to catch his lips in a sudden and quick kiss before taking the tie off and starting to unbutton his shirt.

“I’m glad you like them. I’m going to take a quick shower first, but I’ll be down in a minute to help you out with dinner.”

Seonghwa blinked as his eyes followed the man to the second floor, still taken aback by the kiss and the bouquet as he watched him climb the stairs two steps at a time, only snapping out of his shock at the sound of the bathroom door closing down behind Hongjoong.

He smelled the fragrant scent of the roses one last time before walking into the kitchen, turning off the stove before digging in the cupboards until he found a vase and filled it with water before carefully placing the flowers inside.

He didn’t even know he was crying until he felt the tears sliding down his neck, a loud choked up sob escaping his mouth as he caressed the delicate petals of the biggest lavender bloom that sat in the middle of the bouquet.

It wasn’t the first time Seonghwa had received flowers from a man as an apology, but it was the first time he had gotten them without feeling like it was a deceivingly kind gesture that would be thrown in his face in the near future as proof of how ‘spoiled’ he allegedly was.

He had always loved flowers, but they usually meant that Junhyung had fucked up really badly and he was treating them as a cheap attempt to put a bandaid on a bleeding gaping wound, so Seonghwa had come to see them in a bitter light over the years.

He laughed when he leaned over to get another whiff of the scent one last time, carefully placing them on the side of the table as decoration to add to the home-y vibe he was looking for before drying his tears with his forearm and going back to focusing on the food.

Somehow Hongjoong had, once again, inadvertently soothed a hidden part of Seonghwa that he hadn’t even noticed was hurting until that very moment.

He rushed to set the table and plate everything the moment he heard the sound of shower stop, feeling even more motivated than he had been before to make everything look as perfectly aesthetic and delicious as humanly possible.

He had just finished fixing his make-up and making himself presentable again when he heard the bathroom door open, and he rushed to lean against the table casually before Hongjoong walked down the stairs wearing comfortable (but stylish) clothes to sit down on the nearest chair.

The atmosphere was deceitfully calm while tension sizzled between them as Seonghwa sat down next to him instead of the opposite side of the table like he usually did, arms brushing against each other as he rearranged the plates to bring them closer.

“Damn, everything looks as amazing as it smells,” said Hongjoong with so much awe in his voice that he couldn’t help but feel his chest puff out a little with pride. “Did you really cook everything yourself? Like, from scratch?”

He smiled shyly while nodding in response, placing two dumplings on the man’s plate for him to try and staring directly at his face with expectation when Hongjoong immediately put the whole thing in his mouth without even bothering dipping it in the sauce, moaning loudly the moment he started chewing.

“Fuck, Seonghwa,” added Hongjoong, taking the second one between his chopsticks as soon as he had swallowed the first one. “These are the best gunmandu I’ve ever had, and I’m not even hyping it up as flattery.”

He giggled before focusing on his own food just to try to hide the intense satisfied blush he could feel taking over his face as the tingly feeling in his stomach exploded at the look of pure pleasure on the man’s face.

“It’s just fried dumplings,” he whispered.

Hongjoong didn’t bother acknowledging what he had said before he repeated the exact same overreaction after trying the pork and the noodles, making Seonghwa laugh again as he watched him devore bite after bite.

He was vaguely aware that the food was actually pretty good, but he could barely taste anything as he tried not to be too hyper focused on the man’s reactions, and the way their arms and knees would occasionally brush against each other while they ate in comfortable silence with some small talk sprinkled in between.

He couldn’t help but smile proudly as Hongjoong dropped another serving of jjajangmyeon on his empty place, a sharp and intense heat flashing behind his eyes as he stared at Seonghwa before he covered it with one of his easy smirks.

“I should hire you as my cook, I could get used to this.”

He didn’t reply right away, something shifting in his chest in an uncomfortable and painful way before he forced himself to laugh again while he grabbed a piece of pork to have an excuse to look away.

Me too.

“Stop it,” he whispered, without any real bite in his voice.

They kept eating in silence after the brief exchange, but none of them missed how the air around them had become charged in a very familiar way by now, a tension that hung over them until the dishes had been cleared and the leftovers had been neatly stored in the fridge.

Seonghwa took his time tidying things up around the kitchen while Hongjoong watched him from the table, both of them visibly unsure of how to proceed now that their usual nightly routine of eating out in some fancy restaurant before coming to the apartment to have sex had been unexpectedly disrupted. 

He let out a sigh and turned around once he finally ran out of things to do, making brief eye contact before the other man got up to cross the kitchen and grab a bottle of wine from the rack that sat on the counter – and he couldn’t help but smile when he saw the familiar shade red, recognizing it even before he caught a glimpse of the label.

The fact that Hongjoong always had Seonghwa’s favorite wine in stock, despite famously preferring other brands and types of alcohol himself, never failed to make him feel giddy and warm.

“Want to have a glass while we watch a movie?”

He nodded and they moved to the couch, sitting side by side with the weight of the evening settling around them as Hongjoong poured the wine before grabbing the remote while he stared intently at his handsome profile.

He was so absorbed in the way the light from the TV was flickering in the man’s glasses and the focused look on his face while he flipped through the movie options, that Seonghwa only snapped out of his daze when a quiet exclamation broke the comfortable silence.

“Oh, didn’t you mention this one the other day?”

Seonghwa’s eyes followed the remote to land on the title highlighted on the screen, stomach twisting the moment his brain processed what he was looking at.

Pretty Woman.

“Right?” added Hongjoong, meeting his gaze with a smile. “At the boutique?”

“Yeah, I…” he replied before clearing his throat. “I guess I did.”

The other man didn’t say anything else before hitting ‘play’ and grabbing his own glass of wine before settling back, screen fading to show the intro to the movie as Seonghwa swallowed nervously and tried to get comfortable against the plush throw pillows.

The air between them became slightly awkward when Hongjoong quickly realized what the movie was about the moment the first scene unfolded, but none of them acknowledged it while they watched Richard Gere’s character initiate a business transaction that would soon become something entirely different.

A very recognizable chain of events that they were both pretty familiar with.

Seonghwa avoided looking in the man’s direction at first, eyes firmly locked on the TV while his attention remained stubbornly focused on the tense figure sitting next to him that was trying to ignore him just as obviously.

But, as it was always the case with them, the awkwardness didn’t last long and it was already loosening up by the moment the infamous boutique scene rolled around, the one that made Hongjoong snort loudly in recognition.

“I understand why you made that reference now.”

Seonghwa couldn’t help but chuckle at that, tension easing up as he allowed himself to sink more comfortably in the pillows and take another sip of his wine before finally focusing back on the screen with a sigh.

He spent the first half of the movie feeling hyper aware of every little movement coming from his right, until he finally ended up giving into temptation and taking a subtle peek after a few more minutes of him trying to resist the urge to do so.

Hongjoong’s eyes were fixed on the TV, expression thoughtful and unreadable in that familiar way Seonghwa had never been able to decipher, no matter how hard he tried to figure out why the other man had that distant look in his face sometimes.

For the first in a long time, though, he actually didn’t mind not knowing what the other man was thinking about at that very moment.

The atmosphere in the room had almost settled into something comfortable as the movie carried on, the otherwise quiet stillness between them only broken by the hum of the dialogue, the background music, the light coming from the screen, and the occasional click of the wine glasses on the table.

Seonghwa tried to keep his focus on the movie as the alcohol started to make him feel loose and tingly, as the sharp awareness of Hongjoong’s warm body resting within reach made his heart race.

The tension kept building up while the music coming from the TV became sultrier and low to match the heaviness inside this room when the piano scene began, the one where Vivian ended up perched on top of the instrument with her legs bare and open as Edward got comfortable between them.

He swallowed as things got heated on the screen to try to soothe his dry throat, heartbeat pulsing loudly in his own ears while he forced himself to stay still and not look to his right for what seemed like the millionth time in the last hour.

The scene faded to black on the screen, but Seonghwa had barely noticed it as Hongjoong shifted ever so slightly next to him and moved closer – just a tiny fraction closer, and yet more than enough to make him feel the man’s warmth seeping into his skin.

He knew he should probably try to break the very familiar tension that was about to consume both of them before they ended up fucking on this very couch half-way through the movie, but his mouth wouldn’t cooperate with him when he tried to make a joke about it to lighten the mood.

He could see Hongjoong shifting next to him and turning to look at him from the corner of his eye, gaze heavy and hot on the side of his face as Seonghwa stayed still while the tension stretched thin between them until he couldn’t take it anymore.

He looked to his side with hesitation, making direct eye contact for a few seconds before the other man moved even closer to lean right into his personal bubble in that slow and deliberate way that always gave Seonghwa plenty of time and space to push him away if he ever wanted to.

Something that he never really wanted or needed when it came to Hongjoong, but deeply appreciated anyway.

Instead, Seonghwa did what he always did and met him in the middle to catch his mouth in a deep kiss, not even bothering to start delicately as his tongue pushed between the man’s lips while his fingers curled around the fabric of his shirt to bring him even closer.

Hongjoong returned the same intensity immediately, wine and movie forgotten as Seonghwa settled on his lap, crotches coming together in a gentle grinding motion that was quickly getting them both hard while the kiss got messier and hungrier without losing the fragile reverence behind it.

He sighed when he felt warm hands slipping under his shirt to run over his back, mouths clashing without any hurry while he pushed his fingers through Hongjoong’s hair to cling to it without pulling, heart racing behind his rib cage as he let the pleasure of their bodies bury the weight that had taken residence in his chest.

He felt his throat tighten when the other man pushed him away from his lap to put him down on the couch and begin undressing him, never breaking eye contact while he peeled away layer by layer until Seonghwa was laying completely naked in front of a fully-clothed Hongjoong.

He stared back for a moment in the dim light while the sound coming from the TV broke through the tension in the air, feeling the other man’s eyes run over his body with so much intensity that it almost felt like he was actually being touched – looking at him like he was about to pull Seonghwa’s skin apart to bare all the unsaid thoughts he was hiding behind.

None of them said anything when Hongjoong moved closer to settle between his open legs with such calm and focused determination that he could only bit his lip and wait with limp limbs and blood rushing in his ears, chest heaving as the other man dipped lower to kiss his lips one more time before dragging his mouth down his chest.

Seonghwa moaned and buried his fingers in the man’s hair again as he made his way south, lips moving from one sensitive spot to another with the kind of unspoken familiarity that comes from spending too many hours exploring each other’s bodies, sucking hard on those tender places that left him shaking and panting.

He groaned again when the trail down his chest led Hongjoong between his thighs, dick getting engulfed by wet heat for barely a minute before the other man continued his journey down, giving his balls the same brief attention before tilting Seonghwa’s hips up to go even lower and nuzzle the delicate patch of skin underneath.

“I want to make you feel good.”

His brain didn’t have time to register the words before he felt something wet trace his hole gently, body jerking violently in surprise at the unfamiliar sensation and hands immediately bringing his own legs closer to his chest to give Hongjoong unlimited access to his most private part.

Seonghwa could only lay there with his thighs twitching between his own fingers, sweat gathering on his chest as the other man licked and kissed his hole with his usual passionate determination, tongue breaching through the ring of muscle to effortlessly open him up so it could go deeper.

He swallowed hard to give his sore throat a break as heat crawled up his spine and his head started spinning with every steady stroke, feeling like every nerve on his body was exposed while he surrendered to the same kind of overwhelming pleasure he had felt just a few days prior when Hongjoong had blew him for the first time.

A type of pleasure that went beyond regular lust and desire, beyond the sense of power imbalance and loss of control Seonghwa used to feel the very few times Junhyung had bothered to do something like this to him.

A type of pleasure that felt intimate and devoted in a deeply meaningful way, like Hongjoong was truly doing this to genuinely make him feel good and not just because of his own anal fixation.

“Seonghwa, breathe for me.”

The world became sharp around him once again when he gasped for air after hearing the gentle command, vaguely realizing that he had stopped breathing at some point in his overwhelmed state before his hand quickly moved down to push Hongjoong’s head back towards the cooling wetness between his cheeks.

The other man chuckled at gesture but complied by pushing his warm tongue back inside him, barely breaching the ring of muscle with and yet reaching deep enough to make Seonghwa’s back arch from the couch to chase it – to try to bring it to that sensitive spot that he rationally knew it wouldn’t be able to touch.

He could only lay there helpless clutching the pillow under his head while Hongjoong went from teasing his hole with open-mouthed kisses to mercilessly fucking him with his tongue, making him feel completely frozen by the simultaneous need to beg him for more and tell him to stop at the same time as every touch made the fire inside him grow hotter.

Seonghwa almost felt like sobbing with gratitude when he finally felt fingers joining in after what felt like an eternity, thick and ruthless as they pressed down on his prostate right away to send a shock of electricity through his whole body that made him scream in surprise.

“Yes. Yes, ah! Yes.”

He could hear the same word slipping out of his own mouth in a loop, but he found himself completely unable to stop it as his brain seemed to cut all contact with the rest of his body, chest heaving and legs shaking as Hongjoong continued to rub his prostate mercilessly.

Pain mixed with the pleasure as Seonghwa started sobbing, his thighs instinctively clamping down to try to get away from the overwhelming sensation, but finding that they could only dig into the other man’s sides while a strong hand pressed down on his navel to keep pinned in place.

He could hear Hongjoong muttering something while he continued to abuse the same sensitive spot inside him, but he was unable to process the words as the strange blooming pressure in his crotch started to expand alarmingly fast, panic growing just as quickly when Seonghwa realized that something about this pleasure didn’t feel normal.

He didn’t have the time to unclench his fists from the pillow under his head or even say anything out loud before his orgasm crashed on him without any warning, climax ripping through his whole body with so much force that he genuinely thought his heart was going to burst through his rib cage for a brief second before everything went black.

Seonghwa didn’t know how long he was out, but he could feel reality slowly coming back into focus when he felt Hongjoong kissing the inside of his thigh, the warmth of his breath grounding him back into the present while his brain seemed to finally reconnect with his body.

He felt dizziness hit him when he finally opened his eyes to look up at the ceiling, chest heaving and tremors shooting through his muscles while he tried to push the fog in his mind away to make sense of what had just happened while the other man continued to gently caress his overly sensitive inner thigh with his lips.

Seonghwa didn’t even need to look down at the semen that was slowly drying on his stomach to know that he had come without any kind of stimulation on his dick, an orgasm that had felt less like a release and more like his body had been ripped apart by a lighting bolt.

It was far from the first time that Hongjoong had brought close to the edge just from fingering alone, even if it was definitely the first time he hadn’t ended up giving in either to his own selfish desire to fuck him or to Seonghwa’s pleas to just put his cock inside him, but it had all happened so fast that he was having trouble processing the fact that he just came untouched.

“Are you okay?”

A hoarse laugh escaped his mouth at the sudden question, nodding in response after a moment of silence when he found himself unable to voice any of the weird feelings he was currently experiencing.

“Are you sure? I feel like I got a bit carried away,” asked Hongjoong again as he crawled up to hover over him and look at his face. “I should have checked on you more, I didn’t expect things to escalate so quickly.”

Seonghwa stared into his dark eyes for a moment longer, blinking up at him in silence before he felt a smile tugging on his lips when he lifted his hand with some effort to slide his fingers through the man’s hair in a comforting gesture. 

“I promise I’m okay,” he replied, fighting against the urge to hide the strange vulnerability he was feeling at that moment. “Just a bit overwhelmed. I’ve never experienced anything that intense before.”

Hongjoong looked back at him in silence, expression unreadable as he studied the sincerity in his words carefully for a few more seconds before the look on his face finally morphed into pure smugness, his signature smirk pulling his lips apart to show his teeth in the most attractive way.

A way that was making Seonghwa burn all over again.

His hand left the man’s hair to cup the back of his neck and pull him down instead, needing to feel him close despite the deep sense of calm satiation that had settled in his very bones, but immediately finding resistance as Hongjoong fought against the pressure on his nape with an unsure look on his face.

“We, huh, probably shouldn’t do that after I put my mou—”

“I don’t care,” he replied, voice wrecked and soft as he pressed harder.

Hongjoong didn’t need to be told twice and let himself be guided by the hand on his neck into a slow kiss, lips gently meeting each other for a couple of times before Seonghwa slipped his tongue inside, feeling the warmth in his chest spread at the new taste he found there.

“Fuck me,” he whispered before grabbing the man’s erection in his free hand and wrapping his legs around his waist to bring him closer to his body.

Hongjoong grew tense once again, pulling back just enough to meet his eyes with worried uncertainty.

“We don’t have to do that today. I simply wanted to make you feel good.”

“I know, I’m not saying it out of obligation,” said Seonghwa confidently, meaning every single syllable as his thumb rubbed the tip of the cock in his hand. “I just want to feel you inside me.”

The words made Hongjoong’s eyelids flutter and his breath stop, his hips immediately thrusting forward to slowly fuck his fist while that familiar hunger that always hid under the surface broke free to take over over his expression, no longer contains by guilt or fear.

“Okay.”

He watched him reach behind him for a bottle of lube that he hadn’t even noticed before, pouring some over his erection before spreading it along the shaft and slipping his slick fingers into Seonghwa’s hole to open him up.

“No need to do that,” he whispered breathlessly, the light touch sending a shiver up his spine. “Just put it in.”

Hongjoong wordlessly followed his command once again, taking his time pushing his dick in as Seonghwa gasped and trembled under him while the girth stretched his insides to reach the deepest part of him.

“You’re doing so well. My good boy.”

He whined when the soft praise was quickly followed by more, hands gripping the man’s shoulders as he buried his face into his neck to try to ground himself into the slow rhythm, into the overwhelming sensation of feeling so full he could burst apart at the seams at any given moment.

Each brush against his sensitive prostate sent a painful shock of pleasure through him, his sore dick twitching against his belly when Hongjoong sped up the pace to keep his thrusts deep and steady without ever becoming rough, even though Seonghwa didn’t need nor want to come again.

That wasn’t the point of his request, he hadn’t been lying when he said that he just wanted to feel him.

It didn’t take Hongjoong long to finally tip over the edge, the quiet gasps and slaps of skin against skin becoming louder as he fucked into Seonghwa a few more times before burying himself deep with a quiet groan, body trembling with restraint before he collapsed on top of him to keep rutting into him through his orgasm.

He released a satisfied sigh as he stroked the man’s hair and back with his fingers, arms tightly wrapped around him while he got filled from the inside, his body tingling with sated satisfaction and his mind reeling with both blissful fullness and emptiness at the same time.

Hongjoong echoed the sigh when he sank deeper into the embrace, the man’s heartbeat slowing down against his own chest just as Vivian and Edward reunited on the TV for the grand finale of the now forgotten movie, the dialogue between the characters filling the otherwise silent room while Seonghwa stared at the flowers sitting on the table.

“So, what happens after the prince climbs up and rescues the princess?”

“She rescues him right back."

–

Seonghwa jolted awake when a low hum broke through his sleep.

He lifted his heavy head with some effort, blinking away the soft morning light that was seeping through the curtains to cast a soft glow inside the room as he realized that he had been awakened by the faint vibration of a phone going off.

Hongjoong groaned next to him when the device started to buzz again right after it had stopped, but didn’t even make any attempt at reaching out until a third call made him mutter a frustrated curse and shift on the bed to grab it from wherever he had dropped it the night before.

“What?”

Seonghwa finally turned his head to stare at him to listen carefully, not really awake enough to understand what was going on, but also not sleepy enough to completely ignore the annoyed tone in the man’s voice.

“Do we know how long the system was offline?” asked Hongjoong, voice thick with sleep but way more alert than it had been seconds ago. “Can you get Jiwoo to fix it?"

He closed his eyes again to try to distract himself and not pry too much into what was obviously an important work call, only to open them up again when the mattress moved slightly under the other man’s weight when he sat down.

“Fuck, I forgot about that,” muttered Hongjoong into the phone before pausing for an extra second. “Fine. I’ll take care of it.”

Seonghwa opened his eyes at that, watching him run a hand through his already messy bed hair while looking as thrilled as anyone else would look when being dragged out of bed at eight in the morning on a Saturday.

“I said I’ll handle it myself. I’ll call you if I need anything.”

He couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at the tone in the man’s voice, stern and authoritarian in a way Seonghwa had only heard a few times while they were having sex and that never failed to spark heat in his lower belly.

“Thank you,” added Hongjoong after a moment of silence, almost like he was trying to soften the previous outburst as an after-thought. “Just enjoy your day off. I’ll keep you updated.”

“Is everything okay?” he asked after the other man tossed the phone on the bed with a frustrated groan.

“No, it looks like the issue we were dealing with yesterday wasn’t actually fixed.”

Seonghwa hummed before stretching, smiling softly when Hongjoong followed the arch of his body with dark eyes as the blanket slipped away from the movement and exposed his chest all the way down his hip.

“Then I’ll get out of the way so you can focus on that,” he muttered while sitting down, trying to hold back the disappointment he could feel bubbling inside from showing on his face. “I’ll make you some breakfast and go home.”

Seonghwa had begged Yeosang to cover his shift so he could take the day off, since Hongjoong had been exponentially more busy this week and all their encounters so far had been reduced to late dinners at fancy restaurants followed by sex and sleep – the homemade meal and movie from the previous night being the only real deviation from that routine.

He had been stupidly excited at the thought of spending the day together, doing whatever surprise activities the other man had prepared for them this time around to make up for the fact that they hadn’t had the opportunity to do anything fun or relaxing during the evenings because of his job.

But none of that even mattered anymore, because apparently his work had come between them and their ‘dates’ once more.

You have no right to be upset. He’s not your boyfriend.

Hongjoong was still staring at him as Seonghwa got up to put his discarded pair of underwear on and grab the first shirt he could find within reach, something unreadable hiding behind his eyes as he studied him carefully.

“Come with me. It shouldn’t take me too long to fix, we can just go ahead with our initial plans after I’m done.”

The question made him pause, heart speeding up when he finally processed the real meaning behind the words.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” replied Seonghwa, somewhat breathlessly.

“Why not?” asked Hongjoong, raising his eyebrow like he genuinely didn’t get why he’d say something like that.

Maybe because bringing the male escort you’ve been seeing for months to your father’s company is a recipe for disaster, silly.

“Really? You want to take me to your workplace? Where your co-workers are?”

“Nobody is going to come on a Saturday morning unless I personally call them, there’s only minimal security staff on the weekends so it’ll just be me and you on the upper floor. I simply need to restart the system and then we can go on our date, I was really looking forward to—” said Hongjoong before cutting himself off, mouth pressing into a line before shrugging. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to push after you said no. It’s okay, I get it.”

Seonghwa looked at him for a second, heart beating in his chest as the other man got up to look around for his clothes while a familiar tension started to grow heavier in the silence that took over the room.

The kind of tension that would end up with him being teary-eyed after an explosive fight while dealing with the silent treatment that always came after the screaming.

“Fine,” replied Seonghwa quickly, releasing a long and dramatic sigh to try to diffuse the uncomfortable atmosphere. “But if someone sees you with me and they figure out what’s going on, that’s on you.”

Tip-toeing the gray area of their relationship behind closed doors or away from people who knew who they were was one thing, but going to Hongjoong’s workplace felt like an unnecessary risk, even if it was supposed to be mostly empty.

His job had always been the one thing he’d tried to keep hidden away, the part of himself that he kept safely out of Seonghwa’s reach because it represented everything he was trying to run away from when they were together, so the idea of seeing that private side of his world made him feel weirdly dizzy.

The other man must have seen the hesitation behind his mask because he sighed loudly and ran his hand through his again, this time with more resignation than frustration.

“I’d like to think I’ve proven myself by now,” said Hongjoong before looking away to focus back on his clothes. “I’m not ashamed of who I am anymore, Seonghwa, let alone ashamed of you. I don’t care if people see us together, whether they’re strangers or not.”

The slow cadence in his voice was deceivingly casual even if the words behind it were anything but that, the tone coming across as entirely too confident and honest and intentional to sound nonchalant.

“I didn’t mean to imply you were, sorry if it came out that way,” he muttered while nervously playing with the shirt he was still holding. “I just don’t want to make things more difficult for you, you already have enough on your plate.”

“You won’t make things more difficult for me, I promise,” added Hongjoong, a lot quieter this time and with a gentle smile on his face. “You have nothing to worry about, we’ll be in and out in 30 minutes tops.”

“Okay, then. I trust you.”

Seonghwa knew he had clearly chosen the right words as a reply when he saw the smile on the other man’s face grow even bigger, and by the time they had both showered and eaten some quick breakfast, the lingering tension from the brief exchange after waking up had disappeared completely to be replaced by something much softer.

Something more domestic.

“Anything I should know before walking into your workplace? Any ground rules?” he asked as they got dressed side by side with practiced efficiency. “Do I have to sign an NDA or something?”

Hongjoong snorted as he picked up the watch from the nightstand to wrap it on his wrist before slipping Seonghwa’s favorite polo shirt over his head, the one that made his chest look extra good and always managed to steal his attention away when they were talking.

“No need for any of that, just some basic common sense is fine: don’t wander around, don’t snoop, and don’t touch anything.”

He snorted in reply when his brain finally moved away from the man’s chest to focus on the words that had left his mouth.

“I can do that. I’ll make sure to just sit pretty and stay quiet by your side while you work, Mr. Kim.”

Hongjoong didn’t even bother replying to that, but he could see the curve of his lips getting more noticeable as Seonghwa put his hands into his pockets and waited for the other man next to the staircase while trying to remind himself that he shouldn’t be overthinking any of this.

It was just another outing, a simple detour to an empty office on their way to their ‘date’.

There was no reason to feel this uneasy sensation of impending doom.

There was no reason to feel like he was going to walk into a lion’s den.

–

Seonghwa stared out the window while they drove through the towering glass buildings, watching the way the sun reflected on their glossy surfaces when the taxi came to a stop at a red light.

He wasn’t exactly familiar with the financial district, despite having passed through it a bunch of times before to get to a specific place outside the busy hub, so he had no real idea of where they were headed or how long it’d take them to get there.

Seonghwa was still feeling equally disoriented when the car slowed down to park in front of a particular tall skyscraper, hand reaching for the door while his curious eyes ran up the unfamiliar building – only to freeze immediately the moment he saw the prominent logo displayed on top of the massive entrance.

His breath caught in his throat, fingers tightening their grip on the handle.

No fucking way.

Hongjoong had already gotten out of the taxi and was now standing on the other side of his door by then, staring at him through the glass with an eyebrow raised in mild confusion before finally reaching out himself to open the door for him when he realized Seonghwa wasn’t moving.

He stepped out as calmly as he could in his current shock, forcing his limbs to move while holding back the urge to trip over himself when his feet made contact with the pavement, eyes firmly locked on that golden emblem that stood bold and proud over the entrance.

K-Tech Group.

Seonghwa wasn’t particularly interested or knowledgeable about the corporate world and technology scene, but he had still heard that name enough times to be fully aware of the fairly large reach behind this specific conglomerate.

While the Kim family wasn’t nearly as big and powerful as the actual chaebols in the game, they still had undeniable influence that spread across multiple industries: a name he’d seen before in passing on Naver and digital billboards, one he’d heard in TV ads and YouTube videos even if he’d never really paid any real attention to it.

Seonghwa looked at Hongjoong again to find him staring back in silence with a new intense glint in his eyes while the taxi drove off behind them, and he almost felt like he was seeing this man for the first time as he looked at the way sunlight reflected on his glasses.

In a way, he knew he probably shouldn’t be this shocked by the realization considering he had always known that this man clearly came from generational wealth, but he had genuinely never expected him to be Kim family-levels of rich and influential.

“You seem surprised.”

Seonghwa continued to stare at his face, mind racing as he tried to remember if he’d ever seen him in any of the pictures he’d casually come across, but failing to visualize him standing there at all – even if he could vaguely recall the faces of who he now knew were his father and brother.

“I had the feeling you didn’t know who I was when we first met, but I assumed you had looked me up the moment you learned my full name. I guess you never did, judging by the look on your face,” added Hongjoong, voice calm and steady, but with a hint of amusement. “Come on, let’s go inside.”

He hesitated for a moment longer before forcing himself to nod, following the man through the revolving doors while trying to push the turmoil of emotions that were bubbling dangerously close to the surface.

This doesn’t change anything. He’s still the same person. Be normal.

The sleek and polished interior of the building was exactly what he’d expect from a place like this one, all shiny floors and wooden furniture with a massive reception desk that sat at the center of the room with one single woman standing behind it.

She bowed her head in Hongjoong’s direction while completely ignoring Seonghwa’s presence even if he was standing right next to him, politely avoiding his gaze in that professional demeanor that always made his stomach turn – a deja vu of the same feeling he’d had at the hair salon and the boutique, an incredibly awkward sense of simply not belonging somewhere.

His mind was still reeling as they stepped into the empty elevator, hands fidgeting in his pockets the whole ride until the doors finally opened up with a soft ding and he was led through the empty hall into a large corner office with the floor-to-ceiling glass partitions and windows overlooking the city.

“Make yourself comfortable, I’ll make it quick.”

Seonghwa nodded and moved towards the couch before sitting down, sighing loudly as he tried to recollect all the details he’d learned from the man standing in front of him over the time to match it with the abstract version of what he imagined a member of the K-Tech Kim family would be like.

It all made sense, once he truly thought about it.

He could see a man in the position of Hongjoong’s father favoring his straight older son while keeping his gay younger child out of the spotlight as much as possible, trying to maintain the fake image of the perfect family they clearly tried to portray while climbing the corporate ladder.

The confirmation that he’d been sleeping with someone this powerful for months made him feel increasingly uneasy, but it also made his chest tighten when he realized he had barely scratched the surface layer that made up the complex man who had been giving him expensive gifts and passionate kisses.

This truly doesn’t change anything.

His thoughts drifted as Seonghwa listened to the background sound of the soft tapping coming from the keyboard and the occasional mouse click, nervously playing with a loose thread that had escaped from his shirt while staring through the spotless window into the horizon to catch a glimpse of the sea.

Hongjoong told him once that he didn’t need to worry about his family digging into his life or their arrangement, that he wouldn’t suffer any kind of backlash even if people in his life were aware of Seonghwa’s existence, and he really had no reason to doubt him: if this man told him he didn’t have anything to be concerned about, then he wouldn’t.

A consensual and transactional sexual relationship between two adult men was probably among the most innocent sins people this rich and powerful could commit, anyway.

As the panic that had been slowly bubbling up inside him started to disappear, Seonghwa finally looked around the office curiously to notice that it was incredibly clean and neatly arranged, the files and stationary carefully organized on the black desk in a way that he knew was entirely out of character for this man.

He might be stupidly unaware of some important details when it came to Hongjoong, but he was still the only one who got to see the most vulnerable and real parts of him – the side that had been blossoming and taking over during the last few months, gently coaxed by Seonghwa himself.

His train of thought got completely derailed the moment a glimpse of fluffy whiteness caught his attention, something heavy settling in his chest when he saw the stuffed penguin he had bought the previous week, carefully tucked under the monitor in the exact same place it’d been in the picture Hongjoong had sent him.

Seonghwa had assumed that the other man had put it in a safe place by now, away from the prying eyes of his co-workers and other important people he probably got to meet on a daily basis, and yet there it was: slightly out of sight, but still visible enough if you happened to come anywhere near the desk.

Everything else faded into the background as he stared at that plushie, innocently sitting there like she actually belonged in a place like this one, before he got up and crossed the room with gentle footsteps to stand next to the other man.

Hongjoong didn’t acknowledge his new presence at first as he continued to type away on his keyboard, only looking away from the screen when Seonghwa reached out to touch the fluffy chick with the tip of his finger.

“You really kept it here?” he asked, voice light and amused.

“Of course, Penny is my emotional support penguin.”

He chuckled before sitting on the edge of the desk, far enough to give the other man enough space to work without interruptions, but also close enough to pick up the plushie to give it a light squish in order to keep himself busy.

“What? Did you think I would throw her away or something?” asked Hongjoong, leaning back in his chair to put all his attention on Seonghwa.

“I mean, you’re keeping an overpriced aquarium stuffed animal in your fancy big shot office. Don’t you think it looks completely out of place?”

“What do you mean? She’s perfectly fancy, she’s wearing a tuxedo and everything.”

Seonghwa couldn’t help but giggle at that, looking down at the plushie for a moment before he looked up to find the other man staring back with an unreadable expression that quickly morphed when one of his signature big smirks took over his face.

“I told you I didn’t care about what other people thought about it, didn’t I?” added Hongjoong, tone steady and confident, like he meant every single syllable. “Plus, it came from you. She’s very special to me and I’m not going to just hide her away. I really wasn’t lying when I said she was my emotional support penguin.”

The words were followed by a heavy silence that made Seonghwa’s fingers twitch around the toy, tension growing more and more charged as the soft sound of the computer fans highlighted how quiet it was in the office. 

“I, huh, it’s just a silly plush—”

Hongjoong grabbed his arm as he struggled to finish the scene, pulling on it to bring him closer to his chair until he ended up stumbling and falling down on the man’s lap before his brain had time to process what was happening.

They both stayed quiet while Seonghwa sat there with the penguin trapped between their bodies, so close together that all he could smell was the man’s intoxicating scent and all he could see was the way his pupils grew bigger when his eyes flickered over his face.

He instinctively moved back to try to put some distance between them before the tension led them into familiar dangerous territory, but Hongjoong followed the movement without any hesitation and wrapped his arms around Seonghwa’s waist to keep him still. 

“Shh.”

The vibrations of the light shushing sound sent shivers down his spine as lips caressed the edge of his ear, stomach flipping with nervous excitement when he realized what the other man was trying to do.

“We really shouldn’t,” muttered Seonghwa, fingers gripping the stuffed animal in his hands harder in an attempt to ground himself.

“Why not?” 

He could almost feel the words clearer than he could hear them when Hongjoong whispered them into his ear before his lips continued their journey down his face and neck, pulling the collar of Seonghwa’s shirt out of the way when he ran out of the places to kiss.

He struggled to find a reasonable response as the plushie got snatched from his tight grip to be carelessly thrown on top of the desk, and he urged the rational side of him to fight harder against that other side that always seemed to shut down the moment he felt the Hongjoong’s touch on him.

“Because,” he managed to reply weakly. “We are in your office, where other people also are. People who could come up upstairs at any given moment and see what’s going on through your glass walls.”

His words seemed to finally sink in enough to make Hongjoong freeze for a moment while his fingers were trying to sneak under Seonghwa’s shirt, and his hand immediately left his skin to reach the edge of his desk and bring the chair closer so he could grab the white remote that sat on it.

“What the…”

Seonghwa stared in shock as the previously clear partitions around them started to suddenly whiten when the other man pressed down on a button, glass frosting so quickly in front of his eyes that it only took them a few seconds to become almost entirely opaque.

“There,” said Hongjoong before going back to give his neck another wet kiss while slipping his hand under his shirt. “Nobody can see anything now.”

“That, ah,” replied Seonghwa, a sharp exhale escaping his lips to ruin the reprimanding tone he was going for. “That wasn’t the point.”

“What is the point, then?”

He opened his mouth to try to argue, to say that they couldn’t just keep openly doing these things in places where people could see them, but every rational thought disappeared when Hongjoong pinched his nipple at the same time his lips pressed against Seonghwa’s.

I should stop this.

But, instead of following the instructions his brain was sending to his body, he just let himself be kissed while melting into the touch.

He wrapped his arms around Hongjoong’s shoulders to press their bodies together, forehead knocking into the man’s glasses over and over when he responded just as eagerly by sliding his hand from Seonghwa’s waist down to the small of his back to bring him even closer.

The heat between them got exponentially hotter and more intoxicating as their kisses deepened when he started to grind down on the growing erection under his crotch, sweat building up between their bodies and harsh panting filling the enclosed space while the chair squeaked and moved under their combined weight.

He barely registered it when Hongjoong slipped his fingers into his hair to pull on it, hard enough to make his skin tingle with a dangerous mix of pain and pleasure as his hips moved with more desperation, trying to find the best angle to increase the friction but failing to do so with so many layers of fabric between them.

Seonghwa let out a frustrated sigh before breaking the kiss, looking down to quickly undo both of their pants and pull their half-hard dicks out, shifting around to give himself just enough space to work before wrapping his hand around their bare shafts as best as he could considering the other man’s size.

“You don’t know how many times I’ve sat in this chair and thought about this,” whispered Hongjoong between moans and pants. “How many times I’ve fantasized about fucking you in this very office.”

His grip tightened on Seonghwa’s hair even more before pulling his head closer again to catch his lips in another wet kiss before he could reply, brain turning into mush and world disappearing around them while he chased his pleasure with mind-numbing desperation.

He let out another pained whine into Hongjoong’s lips while he jerked them both off roughly despite the fact that he couldn’t properly hold both of them at the same time, the air between them becoming hot and humid as they settled into an awkward angle that offered just enough friction to make it work.

Hands were wandering under Seonghwa’s shirt too, fingers grabbing and scratching every patch of skin they could find down his spine before they dipped into the edges of his undone pants to grip his hips and help him with the grinding motion.

He knew he really shouldn’t let this happen, that it wasn’t smart or safe, but the idea of defiling the office where Hongjoong would sit in every day to talk to his stupidly powerful colleagues was so fucking hot that he found himself unable to care about any of the consequences at that particular moment.

Seonghwa threw his head back as the other man kissed down his neck, teeth biting down the skin just hard enough to encourage him to grind down harder as the pre-cum coming from the both of them made the motion smoother, dicks awkwardly rubbing against each other while the chair squeaked.

He could feel Hongjoong fumbling with their clothes while they continued to half-jerk off half-grind against each other, pushing their shirts out of way just enough to rub their groins together with every stroke, the combined noise of their breathing and their slicked skin colliding echoing loudly in the enclosed space.

“You were acting all high and mighty before, but look at you now. You actually like that someone could walk into my office at any moment, don’t you? You like that they could see you getting off on my lap.”

Seonghwa moaned as he felt the words being spoken into the small gap between their faces, foreheads touching to offer a deceitful sense of privacy and intimacy while they continued to rut on the chair with growing desperation as the movements of his hand became sloppier.

“Say it. Say that you like it,” murmured Hongjoong, voice breathless and deep while he thrusted up into his fist.

He let out a sharp whine as embarrassment grew hot inside his chest, head growing dizzy and muscles tensing up at the dark tone behind the man’s words, at the shameful truth that hid beneath the filthy statement.

“I-I like it,” replied Seonghwa immediately, almost too softly to properly hear it. “Fuck, I really like it.”

“Good boy.”

Hongjoong’s hand gripped the back of his neck to bring him closer once again into a kiss so rough that it knocked the man’s glasses off, both of them moaning into each other’s mouths while each stroke brought them closer to their quickly approaching orgasms.

Seonghwa could feel the pace getting slower when his arm started cramping, but none of them seemed to care as their slick dicks rubbed together while they fucked into the wet friction of his hand, kissing messily and desperately despite the rocking chair.

“Make us come.”

Something about Hongjoong’s authoritative voice mixed with the light command was enough to finally tip him over the edge with a loud moan and a shudder, face buried in the other man’s neck as his body seized from the intensity of his orgasm while he spilled all over his fist and stomach.

“Yeah, just like that. You look so hot, my beautiful siren.”

Seonghwa collapsed into him while he milked himself through his climax, barely allowing himself any time to recover before he wrapped his sticky hand around Hongjoong’s dick to pump it roughly, thumb going straight to that spot under the tip that always drove him crazy.

It barely took a few more strokes to have the other man coming between their bodies, hips thrusting up with enough force to make Seonghwa stumble slightly as he continued to jerk him off through his orgasm, cum pouring out of him until Hongjoong gently pushed his hand with a groan.

The chair squeaked again when they both collapsed against the backrest, the loud panting echoing inside the office as they both came down from their highs and lazy hands ran over Seonghwa’s back while the aftershocks of his climax lulled him into sleepiness.

“We should probably clean up.”

He opened his eyes at that, panic shooting through him when he moved back to finally look at the mess they had made between them – or, more specifically, the mess they had made on Seonghwa’s clothes.

“Fuck,” he muttered, groaning when he realized most of of the cum had landed on his shirt. “I need to wash this before it dries out.”

“Sorry, sorry,” said Hongjoong, the amusement in his voice betraying the lack of real remorse, before opening the first drawer on his desk and pulling out a packet of wet wipes. “Here, let me help.”

Seonghwa yelped when the other man rubbed the tissue on the biggest glop to smear it around and make the damp spot even bigger as the wetness started to seep down into his skin, making him jump off his lap before he had the chance to ruin the material even more.

“Oh my God, stop! You’re making it worse!” exclaimed Seonghwa, getting up and sending a glare in the man’s direction as he tucked himself back into his uncomfortably wet underwear. “You really are useless when it comes to cleaning, aren’t you?”

Hongjoong didn’t even seem fazed by the light insult, staring at him with a playful smirk while he sat there with his shirt still bundled up under his armpits and pants around his thighs, glasses resting over the tip of his nose and legs spread open to shamelessly show the way his softening dick was resting on a small pool of cum.

Seonghwa halted for a moment, feeling the flustered blush that had started to disappear coming back with a vengeance as the sight in front of him tried to re-ignite the heat in his crotch and the fluttering feeling in his chest.

“Where is the bathroom?” he asked instead, heart racing in his chest while he futilely tried to pretend he was still mad.

Hongjoong didn’t even bother covering himself before pointing to the door on his left, shit-eating grin growing even more as he stared at Seonghwa like he knew exactly what he was thinking and was loving every second of it.

“Sometimes I miss the shy and awkward version of you that walked up to me at the bar the day we met,” he muttered while he headed towards the bathroom attached to the office, followed by the man’s laughter as he locked himself in.

He gripped the edge of the sink and exhaled sharply the moment he felt securely out of sight, trying to force his heart to calm down when he turned the faucet on to quickly clean the mess in his pants before hesitantly looking up to finally stare at himself in the mirror.

Seonghwa’s reflection stared back at him with flushed cheeks, sweaty forehead, swollen red lips, shiny blown out eyes, and hair sticking up from the back of his head – every little detail in his appearance giving away that he’d just had sex in that office while an unknown number of people went about their business downstairs.

He sighed again and splashed cold water onto his face in an attempt to settle his pounding heart, not even caring if that washed away the remnants of his make-up, before taking his shirt off and pouring a healthy amount of soap on the stain while he felt something dangerously close to anxiety rushing through his system.

Seonghwa had known things would get more complicated under the new arrangement, but everything was spiraling out of control much faster than he’d anticipated, and he found himself completely frozen with the crushing feelings of impending doom that was lingering in the horizon.

His jaw tightened when he placed the shirt under the automatic dryer, focusing on his breathing and counting down the seconds between every inhalation and exhalation to try to push away the cocktail of emotions that were threatening to overtake him.

Hiding his head in the sand had always been his most special skill, but sometimes not even Seonghwa himself was willfully oblivious enough to pretend he didn’t see the storm that was brewing in the distance.

Silence finally filled both his head and the bathroom when the dryer came to a stop for the last time, and he couldn’t help but smile triumphantly when he brought the shirt closer to his face to inspect the damage and saw that there was no trace of the big wet stain

A smile that dropped as fast as his stomach when he heard it.

A voice.

A voice that wasn’t Hongjoong’s.

Seonghwa tensed up immediately when his fears got confirmed by the two voices he could hear communicating back and forth, too muffled to understand what they were saying, but still clear enough to be able to tell that there were at least two people in that office.

He moved closer to the door quickly but silently, his shirt still clutched in his trembling hands while he tried to hear the voices over the loud noise of his own blood rushing in his ears.

“...told you I’d take care of it.”

Hongjoong’s statement was met with silence so tense that Seonghwa himself could feel it inside the bathroom despite the solid wood that separated him from them, hanging charged and heavy while the unexpected visitor seemed to search for the right words to answer.

“I just wanted to confirm the system had recovered from the crash, sir.”

The familiar accent and tonality behind the new voice sent an electric shock through Seonghwa’s body, shirt slipping out of his hands and stomach dropping as his head spinned so fast that he genuinely thought he was going to pass out for a moment there.

…San?

He obviously couldn’t see anything through the solid material of the door and couldn’t be completely sure it was really him, but he’d heard the man speak enough times to be able to recognize him with some certainty.

“It’s running smoothly now,” replied Hongjoong, tone steady and carefully guarded. “You could have texted me before coming all the way here.”

“I did, sir. You didn’t reply.”

Seonghwa nearly choked on his own saliva when he realized, with horrifying clarity, that he had been so distracted by his own internal conflict and his messy shirt that he had missed someone else coming into the office where he just had sex with the COO of a K-Tech Group company.

He had most likely missed the knock and the consequent opening of the door, had missed the footsteps and the initial part of the conversation – but there was no way this person, who sounded way too much like Yeosang’s San, had missed that there was someone else in the bathroom considering Seonghwa had the noisy hand dryer going off for several minutes.

“I apologize, I think my phone is still in my bag,” added Hongjoong, sounding as effortlessly calm as before. “I was too distracted to notice.”

“That’s okay, sir. I-I didn’t mean to interrupt you,” replied San’s sound-alike right away, sounding less calm and put together now. “I just didn’t want to risk any major damage happening this close to the launch.”

“Oh, you didn’t interrupt anything. I was already done.”

A strong wave of mortification hit Seonghwa right in the chest as his face started to burn hot once again when he also realized, with even more horrifying clarity, that whoever was out there definitely knew that his boss had fucked the person who was now hiding in the bathroom right before he’d walked into the office.

He moved a couple of steps to rest his back on the wall, feeling too overwhelmed and dizzy by the whole situation to trust that his legs would be able to support his weight for much longer, and pressed himself against the cool tiles as if that would somehow make him disappear into it.

His blood kept rushing in his ears loud enough to drown out the conversation going on at the other side of the door as the two men tensely exchanged some technology jargon, terms that Seonghwa wouldn’t actually be able to understand even without the panicked fog that was spreading inside his skull.

Because he wasn’t really paying attention to the words anymore, he was too busy taking apart the voice of the newcomer, who he now could identify as Hongjoong’s assistant based on the conversation and the dynamic behind their interaction.

A newcomer he could now identify as San.

There was no doubt in his mind now that he’d had the chance to hear him talk more: he was almost entirely convinced that the person on the other side of that door was the same person who had been praising his mediocre latte art for weeks now, the same person who had been having small talks with him while staring at Yeosang out of the corner of his eye.

This building was nowhere near Deja Brew, but Seonghwa wouldn’t actually be surprised if San drove out of his way basically every day simply to catch a glimpse of his friend for a few minutes, despite having plenty of other perfectly fine coffee options much closer to his actual job.

He whined quietly before wrapping his own arms around himself, trying to self-soothe to avoid spiraling out of control as all the new revelations he’d learned today added even more layers of conflict to an already complicated situation.

It had never occurred to him that the ‘Kim’ before Hongjoong’s name would mean that he was part of that Kim family, but it made sense in hindsight when he put together all the random details Seonghwa knew about him.

It had never occurred to him that he could be San’s mysterious caffeine-addicted boss either, but it was also somewhat obvious when all the random coincidences and tidbits of information clicked into place to form a clear picture he should have seen sooner.

He had tried so hard to be a step ahead so he would be able to control the situation and end his volatile relationship with Hongjoong on his own terms, just to suddenly realize that he’d never been ahead at all – he had unknowingly been ten steps behind from the very beginning.

Seonghwa had walked into this mess blindly, thinking that he could keep their worlds separated enough to make a clean cut when the timing was right, but it turned out that there had been an unseen dangerous overlap threatening to ruin everything all this time.

He inhaled loudly when his breathing started to grow uneven, panic creeping into the edges of his thoughts quickly as he tried to figure out how this would affect his already unstable exit strategy once their current agreement was over.

Seonghwa had expected to never see Hongjoong again after this project was over and he went back to Seoul, but finding out that San could potentially exist in both of their worlds at the same time made the idea of walking away even more daunting.

A knock on the door next to him startled him so much that he felt like he had literally jumped out of his skin, the sudden shock overriding the panic that had been filling up every little corner of his brain.

“He’s gone. You can come out now.”

He took another shaky breath and ran his hand through his sweaty hair, fingers trembling slightly as he leaned over to grab his shirt and slip it over his head before staring at his reflection in the mirror again.

“Seonghwa?” asked Hongjoong, knocking again when he didn’t get a reply from him.

“Give me a second.”

Seonghwa splashed more cold water on his pale face, lips pressed together while he fought against the urge to grab his stuff and run away from this building to never look back again – something that he realistically knew wasn’t an actual option for him, so he could only take another deep breath to calm down instead.

And then another.

And then another one.

The show must go on.

He inhaled one last time before turning the knob and walking out of the bathroom, immediately making eye contact with Hongjoong as he stood on the other side of the door with a guilty look on his face.

“Oops.”

Seonghwa smacked his shoulder, probably much harder than he would have in any other situation, and glared at him.

“I told you I shouldn’t have come, and we definitely shouldn’t have done that either!” he exclaimed.

The other man barely flinched at the slap, shrugging it off even if Seonghwa could tell that he was also ashamed, judging by the wide-eyed look and the patches of bright blush sprinkled on his face and ears.

“I have no regrets,” replied Hongjoong, clearly oblivious to his internal turmoil. “And I feel like he was definitely more embarrassed than me, to be honest. At least he walked in when he did and not 15 minutes earlier.”

Seonghwa released an exasperated sigh and shook his head, pretending that he wasn’t still struggling to get his erratic heartbeat and trembling hands under control while the other man casually turned his computer off before he started gathering his things.

“We can leave now,” said Hongjoong, typing something on his phone before slipping it into his pocket and grinning at him. “I wanted to go to Gamcheon Culture Village for the first stop of our date today. I know it’s a typical tourist spot, but I’ve been in Busan for almost three weeks now and I haven’t gone yet. We could take a stroll and grab a late lunch around there.”

“Sounds great,” replied Seonghwa, forcing a smile and nodding in fake excitement.

It didn’t matter that his head was still spinning and his organs were twisting themselves into painful knots in his anxiety as they walked out of the building and into the taxi that took them to the village, because he had always been good at this.

He had always excelled at pretending he was fine when he wasn’t, at keeping it together even when it felt like everything was crumbling down around him and all his emotions were destroying him from the inside.

Seonghwa had even ended up getting lost in the perfect fantasy of their bubble as they held hands while walking among the colorful buildings of the village, laughing when Hongjoong kept tripping in the narrow and uneven staircases, and posing with a big smile for every picture as everything else faded into the background.

This had always been his strongest suit.

He only had to bury his head even deeper into the sand so he wouldn’t hear the noise of the storm growing louder on the horizon as it kept creeping closer, much faster and aggressive than he had ever anticipated.

Because this increasingly growing mess wasn’t his problem, at least not yet.

It was Future Seonghwa’s.

–

The bell on the door chimed when a new person walked in, making him look up from the table he was wiping to confirm that there was someone behind the register to take their order.

Eunji met his eyes briefly before nodding subtly, confirming that she had everything under control over there and Seonghwa could go back to cleaning the now spotless surface before repeating the same process with the rest of the tables.

The café was quiet, the usual hum of chatter and laughter replaced by the occasional clinking of dishes and the typing on a keyboard that broke through the faint melody of whatever k-pop song was playing at the moment.

There were only two patrons left inside the shop by the time he made his way back to the counter, both of them working on their respective laptops with heavy earphones on, and he shared a smile with Eunji as she stopped scrolling on her phone when she saw him approaching.

“I’m going to take a break before things pick up, are you good on your own?”

Seonghwa nodded, somewhat grateful to be left alone as the lull of the slow Sunday settled in the café while he busied himself with restocking the pastries and half-empty bottles of milk and syrups.

He was fast and efficient as he worked, but his mind was somewhere else as he stacked products and napkins, stuck in the events from the previous day now that he didn’t have Hongjoong’s intoxicating presence to distract himself with.

He was taking the whole thing surprisingly well considering the series of revelations he had yesterday, only occasionally feeling suffocating waves of impending doom when he let his thoughts wander too much into all the possible future scenarios he was heading towards.

Seonghwa had been tempted to reach out to his friends as he paced around in his room the night before, but had quickly realized that he was on his own with this one: Jongho was completely out of the question, Yunho would just straight up tell him it wasn’t that much of a big deal, and Wooyoung would lose his mind and destroy all the progress they’d made when it came to this issue.

And then there was Yeosang, whom he had carefully kept blissfully unaware of all this chaotic mess, yet had somehow ended up inadvertently caught up in it anyway.

He grimaced when his phone vibrated in his pocket, knowing that he was going to find Hongjoong’s name flashing on the screen before he even tapped on it to check the notifications.

KHJ
I found the perfect plan for our next date :)
Wear comfortable clothes!

He chuckled at the text, but couldn’t help the smile that pulled his lips upward and the fluttering feeling that exploded in his belly at the palpable excitement in the man’s words.

Seonghwa
Are you sure you can afford to take the afternoon off on a weekday?
I know things are really hectic this close to the launch
We can still do all sorts of fun stuff at night after you’re done with work

KHJ
Oh
I know we can do all sorts of fun stuff at night ;)
But I’m taking the afternoon off to spend it with you anyway

Seonghwa
I just don’t want to mess up your schedule
I don’t want you to put your work at risk because of me

KHJ
You’re not doing anything wrong here
I’m the one making the choices
I appreciate you being your sweet self
But I know what I’m doing

Seonghwa sighed just as the bell above the door chimed again, making him send a quick polite reply in response before slipping his phone back into his pocket and forcing the customer-service smile on his face when he looked up to greet the new patron.

“Welcome to Dej—”

The rehearsed words got stuck in his throat when he saw a familiar figure approaching, heart pounding loudly in his chest and suffocating pressure growing tighter around it.

“Oh, Seonghwa! Hi.”

He very rarely worked on Sundays since that was usually his fixed day off, so he was completely caught off-guard by the sight of San walking into the café, dressed in casual clothing and with a gym bag hanging from his shoulder instead of his usual tailored suit and briefcase.

He could feel the heat rising up his neck as he struggled to maintain both the eye contact and the forced smile, mortification rushing to the surface even if he rationally knew that the other man didn’t know Seonghwa was the person who had been hiding in the bathroom yesterday.

“Hi,” he finally managed to reply in a slightly breathless voice.

San didn’t seem to notice the light awkwardness as he stood in front of the counter, his gaze making a quick sweep around the café before settling back on Seonghwa again.

“Is Yeosang not working today?”

“We switched shifts this weekend, sorry,” he replied, feeling more composed now that he had successfully snapped out of the shock. “I’m afraid you’re stuck with me today.”

The smile dropped from San’s face for a second before he quickly recovered, cheerfulness coming back in full force to reach his eyes when he made a dismissive gesture with his hand.

“Nonsense. I’m happy to see you! You all make great coffee here.”

“Thank you, that’s very kind of you,” replied Seonghwa before releasing a nervous laugh. “So, what can I get you? You usually do your office run, so I don’t know which one is your personal order.”

“A large iced Americano, please,” said San as he placed the cash payment on the small tray.

He nodded and turned around to press down on the espresso machine, expecting the other man to maybe go on his phone now that he didn’t have his crush around to chat, but finding that he was still lingering by the counter instead.

Something that made Seonghwa’s anxiety spike all over again.

“Do, ah, do you happen to know if Yeosang will be working his regular shift next week?”

“Huh, yeah,” he replied, caught slightly off guard as he worked on the drink. “Probably.”

San hummed in acknowledgment when Seonghwa placed the coffee in front of him, fingers tapping lightly on the counter instead of immediately reaching out for his drink and heading out or even sitting down in one of the many empty seats.

In any other situation, he would have jumped at the opportunity to play matchmaker and nudge things along between San and Yeosang, just like he had done every other time Seonghwa had briefly ended up being alone with him – but that was before he realized that this man was so much more than his friend’s requited crush.

He was Hongjoong’s assistant.

“You two seem to be close,” said San after another moment of awkward silence. “You and Yeosang, I mean.”

“We are,” replied Seonghwa, grabbing the previously discarded rag just to have something to do with his hands. “We’ve been friends for years now.”

The other man hummed again, coffee still untouched as he continued to tap on the counter nervously while he very obviously gathered the courage to say something else.

“Is everything okay?” he asked hesitantly, even though the last thing he wanted right now was to be drawn into a potentially messy conversation with Hongjoong’s assistant.

San laughed self-consciously and scratched the back of his neck shyly, looking around the mostly-empty café as he clearly contemplated if he should stay or instead do a hasty retreat, before finally grabbing his Americano to take a big sip.

“Sorry. I probably look like a weirdo, just lurking around while you’re working.”

“No, that’s okay. There’s barely anyone here, as you can see,” replied Seonghwa, stomach twisting in anticipation. “Baristas are basically daytime bartenders, anyway. Feel free to get whatever it is off your chest, I promise I won’t tell Yeosang.”

San chuckled, fingers now tapping lightly on the plastic cup before finally making direct eye contact with him.

“I guess I just wanted to apologize for what happened the other day.”

Seonghwa froze at that, his grip tightening around the rag as his brain desperately tried to figure out what he meant, a hundred dangerous thoughts rushing at once.

“Huh?” he asked, stupidly.

“The day I came over with Mingi,” explained San, expression apologetic and regretful. “I’m pretty sure you happened to overhear our very awkward exchange while you were cleaning nearby. I feel like we ruined the vibe of the whole café for a bit there.”

“Oh,” said Seonghwa, just as stupidly. “It’s completely fine, I was focusing on the tables so I wasn’t really paying attention. Didn’t hear anything. No need to worry.”

The other man raised his eyebrow, clearly not buying his blatant lie, before taking another big sip of his coffee and swirling the ice around in circular motions.

“I just wanted to make sure that you knew that what Mingi said came off the wrong way because he has a tendency to put his foot in his mouth, but he’s actually a great guy. I promise he has no problem with…” said San before hesitating for a moment and leaning slightly closer to whisper. “People like us.”

“People like us,” repeated Seonghwa before laughing, probably louder than he should have.

“I know I’m assuming a lot here, but, you know…”

“Nah. You’re 100% right with that assumption,” he confirmed with a half-smile, wiping an already-clean section of the counter to stop himself from getting flustered. “I’m happy to hear he was okay with that, though. I know what it’s like to work with bigots, and it’s definitely not fun.”

“Trust me, I know. There are definitely plenty of those in my company, starting from the very top of the hierarchy,” said San before letting out a dry laugh. “Things are pretty awful in that sense, but I’m hoping it’ll be slightly better in my next job.”

Seonghwa froze as the man’s casual statement was followed by another wave of silence, throat feeling tight and dry when he forced himself to swallow the sudden invisible ball that seemed to get stuck there.

There’s no way Hongjoong fired him because of what happened yesterday, right?

“Next job?” 

“I mean, I don’t know for sure, but I can sense that my time in this place is about to come to an end.”

“What happened?” pressed Seonghwa, unable to stop the words from coming out of his mouth.

“Nothing happened,” replied San, shrugging his shoulders in a fake nonchalant gesture. “At least not yet. My job isn’t really at risk, but I have the feeling that my boss is on his way out and I’d much rather quit than work for his brother again, so I’m mentally preparing myself for the inevitable here.”

“Oh…”

Seonghwa tried to keep his expression neutral as his brain recovered from the sudden whiplash, unsure of how to continue this conversation without accidentally walking into potentially awkward and dangerous territory.

“Yeah, it’s a long story: lots of drama, lots of in-fighting. He’s had a foot out the door since the moment he arrived, but I think he’s finally ready to walk away from all of this. Never thought I’d see the day, but he’s changed so much I can barely recognize him anymore,” explained San, letting out a humorless chuckle before visibly grimacing. “It manifests in incredibly awkward and traumatizing ways sometimes, but I’m weirdly proud of him. Which is a very odd thing to say about your boss, now that I say it out loud.”

He couldn’t help but smile at that, the fondness and warmth behind the man’s words so genuine and wholesome that he could only cling to it to avoid thinking about the fact that Seonghwa himself had probably been the source of the aforementioned ‘trauma’.

That fondness hit a bit too close to home too, because he understood better than most the feeling of pride that came from seeing how far Hongjoong had come compared to the version of him he met months ago, so he could only imagine what it was like for someone who had been by his side for longer than that.

“Not really,” he replied immediately, echoing the sentiment. “It sounds like you really care about him.”

“I guess I do have a soft spot for him, I don’t think he deserves the mistreatment he gets from his family. I wouldn’t say we’re friends per se, we keep our interactions professional at all times, but I do like him. I think we might have been close if we had met under different circumstances.”

It was a bittersweet feeling, but he was incredibly relieved to hear that Hongjoong had someone in his corner inside that company, someone who cared about his well-being and would probably be there after Seonghwa walked away to help him move forward with whatever he chose to do.

“Anyway, sorry for dumping all of that on you,” added San, shaking his head as if trying to clear the weight of the conversation from his shoulders. “I don’t even know why I told you all of that. I’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed about this whole situation lately and it just came out.”

“I told you, baristas are daytime bartenders,” he replied, half-joking. “Plus, I’ve been told I have one of those trustworthy faces.”

They both laughed at that, bright and open in a way that seemed to lighten the burdens they were both carrying for a brief moment, but Seonghwa could feel his own smile faltering as the sound finally died down.

He opened his mouth once before closing it again, caught in the uncomfortable limbo between wanting to say something but not wanting to say it at the same time, because he was well aware that he was going to regret his words before he even said them.

“If you ever want to go for it, you should shoot your shot with Yeosang.”

The other man let out another short laugh as a response, sound coming across humorless and hollow this time around as his fingers curled around the cup to swirl the liquid around once more.

“I have to admit I was going to do it when I first found out I was going to be in Busan longer than usual, but then things started to fall apart at work, and I just…” explained San, looking more serious than he had ever seen him be. “My future is a bit too uncertain for that right now, you know? As much as I’d like to get to know him better, I have more pressing priorities in my life.”

Seonghwa wasn’t sure if he wanted to laugh or cry at how painfully similar their situations were, so instead he ended up settling for a soft resigned chuckle that carried all the weight of the words he couldn’t say.

“I can definitely understand that.”

“I appreciate the advice, though, it’s good to know that I have his friend’s approval,” replied San, the familiar smile coming back to his lips even if there was a shadow of sadness in his eyes. “Maybe someday, you never know. ‘Right person, wrong time’ and all that.”

“Exactly. Right person, wrong time,” he muttered, unsure if he actually believed in the meaning behind that sentence.

“Anyway, I should probably get going. I’ve already taken enough of your time as it is,” said San, fidgeting with the shoulder strap of his bag and bringing his half-full coffee closer to him. “Thanks for listening to me, Seonghwa. You definitely have one of those trustworthy faces.”

He laughed. “My pleasure. Thanks for keeping me distracted while my co-worker takes a break.”

The other man lingered for a second longer, almost like he wanted to add something else, but then he gave one last small nod before turning around and heading towards the door while Seonghwa stood there watching him walk down the sidewalk until he was completely out of sight.

The café fell quiet once again, feeling even emptier now for some reason as he let out a breath he hadn’t even known he had been holding, fingers absently tightening around the rag that he was still holding in his hands while his conversation with San replayed in his head.

It was almost ironic how much he related to everything the other man had said, how perfectly it echoed his situation with Hongjoong, and how seeing his own dilemma reflected back to him in someone else’s words confirmed that he was making the right choice.

The realization sat heavy in Seonghwa’s chest, a bitter pill he was forced to swallow even if he’d actually known from the very beginning: trying to hold onto an impossible relationship that was bound to collapse under the weight of their combined baggage wasn’t an act of love, it was an act of selfishness. 

He sighed again and tossed the rag onto the counter before fixing his apron, his fingers sliding over the smooth surface of the Cartier bracelet around his wrist while San’s words played in a loud loop inside his brain to overtake every other thought that popped up around them.

Right person, wrong time.

–

Seonghwa had a feeling that he knew where they were headed the moment the taxi left the city center and headed north, so he wasn’t completely surprised when he saw the outline of their destination peeking in the distance as they approached.

He let out a laugh when the car came to a stop in the branded parking lot, turning to Hongjoong the moment they stepped out of the taxi to find him looking at him with sparkly eyes and a hint of smug pride on his face.

“Lotte World?” he asked, even though the answer to his question was obvious.

“I feel like we both had a great time at the aquarium, so why not try something similar again? I’ve never been to an amusement park before, but it looks like fun.”

Seonghwa stared back in silence for a moment, taking in the blatant boyish excitement radiating out of Hongjoong and the way the simple colorful shirt and faded jeans made him look a lot younger and carefree than his usual mix of corporate and stylish aesthetics.

This wasn’t the man’s usual environment: there were no high-end restaurants, sleek modern buildings around, or people who bowed politely to him – instead, he was surrounded by families in matching headbands and groups of teenagers posing for selfies as the distant screams coming from the rides filled the air.

“You’re smiling,” pointed out Hongjoong, nudging him with his elbow playfully before grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the entrance. “I nailed it, didn’t I?”

Seonghwa laughed, the shadow of impending doom and anxiety that had been clouding his thoughts over the last few days dissipating as the man’s unashamed and contagious enthusiasm spread through his own body to seep into every muscle.

Forgetting that this thing between them was a complete disaster waiting to happen had always been too easy when they were together, when everything felt this intimate and comfortable and magical, so that was exactly what he was going to do today as well.

He was going to allow himself to get lost in the fantasy and temporarily forget that nothing about their situation was actually okay, let himself selfishly enjoy the day and have fun while pretending that all of it wouldn’t come crashing down in less than a week.

That was a problem for Future Seonghwa, after all.

“I’ll give it to you. You might have nailed this one,” he replied as they approached the fast-pass line. “I’ve never been to an amusement park before either, but it does look like fun.”

Hongjoong spun around at that to give him a wide-eyed surprised look, the smugness in his face intensifying even more as he puffed his chest proudly and pulled his phone out to scan the tickets he had clearly bought beforehand.

The sweet scent of sugar welcomed them after they walked through the gates, the bright-colored and fairytale-like buildings standing in the pathway into the park while excited kids ran around clutching plushies in their hands.

“What do you want to do first?”

Seonghwa couldn’t help the excited yelp that left him when he immediately pointed to the gigantic roller coaster he’d been eyeing since they arrived, towering over them as its red and silver structure shook every time a train passed through.

“Can we go there?” asked Seonghwa, basically vibrating with anticipation.

Hongjoong looked up at the ride in complete stillness and silence, expression unreadable as he watched the people rushing by over their heads while screaming.

“You want to go on this?”

“Yes!” he exclaimed before grinning down at him to tease him. “Unless you’re too scared to do it.”

The other man glared at him but didn’t say anything else before grabbing his arm to drag him towards the roller coaster, refusing to acknowledge the silent challenge behind the taunting words as they skipped the line to get strapped to their seats right away.

The train started moving upwards soon after, and Seonghwa could feel his stomach twisting in nervous excitement while he prepared for the fall that he knew was coming, looking down to see the ground growing more and more distant underneath them.

He was so focused on the climb that he got startled when he felt cold fingers wrapping around his hand tightly, bringing his attention to his right where he found Hongjoong staring straight ahead with his skin looking unnaturally pale and jaw visibly tense.

“Oh my God,” exclaimed Seonghwa with an amused chuckle. “You are scared!”

He was still laughing when they dropped seconds later, world tilting around him and wind hitting his face painfully hard as his insides twisted in the best way possible, making him scream and lift his free arm up in the air while the adrenaline rushed through his body as quickly as the train that was rushing through the loops and turns.

Seonghwa’s hand was throbbing painfully from the tight grip when they finally came back to the station, and yet he made sure to never let go of Hongjoong’s fingers, not even after the staff member unfastened their straps so they could walk away with shaky legs.

“How was it?” he asked, tone light and playful as he dragged the other man away from the crowd to offer some comfort and space.

Hongjoong glared in his direction, still looking slightly shaken and nauseated, but otherwise completely fine – and Seonghwa couldn’t help the amused laugh that escaped him once again at the lack of any real intimidation behind the stare.

They continued holding hands while they wandered further into the park after that, taking in the sights and kid attractions as they passed by while occasionally stopping to check the food stalls and random games.

“Since I chose the first ride, where do you want to go next?” asked Seonghwa while looking at the big map that stood by the entrance of a different section, excitement bubbling in his stomach when he saw all the fun options.

Hongjoong hummed while looking around, smile growing bigger when something seemed to catch his eye in the distance before he pulled on their joined hands to drag him in that direction without giving any other explanation.

“Are you serious?”

Seonghwa’s incredulous question was followed by a giggle as the other man guided him towards the headband stall, immediately looking through the selection with determination until he let out a triumphant noise before pulling up one with pink floppy bunny ears.

“Here,” said Hongjoong before taking a step closer and carefully putting the headband on Seonghwa.

He laughed again and checked himself in the mirror, tilting his head side to side to test the level of floppiness while he felt his actual ears heating up from the mix of embarrassment and playfulness he felt at the idea of wearing this as they went on about their day.

His eyes fell down to the stand, studying his options before grabbing the headband with a pair of fluffy brown ears that seemed to belong to a squirrel, judging by the acorn stitched to one of them.

“Then these are for you,” said Seonghwa as he shoved them in his direction.

Hongjoong stared at it with confusion and disbelief for a second before he simply shrugged and took it from his hand to put it on.

“Fine.”

He had expected more resistance from him, maybe some back and forth teasing, but the other man simply grabbed his phone from his pocket and opened the camera to point it to the small mirror that hung in front of them.

Seonghwa didn’t even try to fight it while they moved from pose to pose, feeling a lot less embarrassed by the time they walked away from the stand to jump from attraction to attraction while the sky began to turn yellow and orange as the sunset approached.

He’d ended up indulging Hongjoong and his apparent fear of heights after that very first roller coaster, going for the tamer options and the water rides just to spare the other man from going through that pain again – but Seonghwa couldn’t help the jolt of excitement that shot through him as they walked by the Giant Swing.

Its massive pendulum cut the wind loudly as it swung impossibly high into the air before quickly coming down again, spinning around the whole time and making the loud screams of the riders become distant and faded every time they went back up.

“I’d really like to go on this one,” said Seonghwa while pointing up. “Do you mind waiting for me here?”

Hongjoong’s eyes followed the arc of the attraction, swallowing nervously before looking at him with a bewildered expression, like he couldn’t possibly understand why he would even want to do something like that.

“I’ll go with you.”

“Are you sure?” he pressed, feeling hesitant at the idea of going on such a ride with someone who clearly wouldn’t enjoy it. “I don’t mind going alone. I promise I won’t tease you if you sit this one out.”

“It should be fine,” said Hongjoong as he guided him towards the entrance with fake confidence. “It doesn’t look that bad.”

You literally crushed my hand in a way less scary ride.

Seonghwa considered calling him out on his bullshit the whole time they spent securing their stuff before getting strapped to their seats, but ultimately opted to ignore the side of him that felt the urge to mother a grown man who was capable of his own choices.

The familiar shot of thrilling excitement hit him the moment the pendulum moved up to gather the momentum it needed to swing in the other direction, the force of the movements pushing him up and down his seat as they rushed from one side to the other while rotating on themselves.

He quickly checked on Hongjoong before letting out a happy scream that turned into an euphoric laugh, adrenaline kicking in as his heartbeat skyrocketed the moment his world started to tilt sideways while the pendulum swung up once more to leave them hanging completely upside down.

Seonghwa tightened his grip on the security restraints and closed his eyes when he felt gravity pulling him down, stomach flipping uncomfortably and breathing getting quicker and shallower as excitement quickly turned into something darker when he realized that this didn’t feel fun anymore.

He could distantly hear himself whimpering as they continued to hang upside down for what felt like an eternity, only snapping out of his panicked spiral and coming back to reality when he felt a light touch caressing the back of his hand.

Hongjoong had his eyes closed tightly and his head tensely facing forward when he looked his way, but his fingers had somehow found Seonghwa’s clenched fist where it was gripping the metal restraint – skin cold and clammy with fear, but still offering him comfort even if he was clearly just as terrified as he was.

The selfless gesture made something settle inside Seonghwa’s chest, and he let go of the bar to intertwine their fingers together just in time to feel the drop down as they free fell towards the ground before stopping and going back up again.

The rest of the ride felt excruciatingly long even as it became a blurry mess of fear and sharp motions that were making his eyes tear up, but the grounding effect of Hongjoong’s solid presence next to him managed to make it a bit more bearable.

By the time the staff finally unlocked their restraints, Seonghwa’s hands were aching from the aggressive grip and his pulse was still rushing in his ears, legs shaky and unsteady as he stepped out of the carriage and onto blissfully solid concrete.

“Are you okay?” asked Hongjoong in a gentle tone the moment they walked out of the platform.

He turned around slowly, feeling guilt bubbling inside him when he saw that the other man’s face was pale and his eyes were red and glossy, but that he was still looking at Seonghwa with worry – like the concern he felt for him had overridden any kind of personal distress he could be feeling. 

He had expected to receive complaints for putting Hongjoong through that just because of his stupid whims even if he knew the other man wasn’t prone to outbursts, maybe some version of ‘I told you so’ in a slightly raised voice or even a silent treatment, but there was no trace of frustration on his face.

“I’m really sorry. I was the one who wanted to go on it, but none of us enjoyed it in the end.”

The other man shook his head and reached out to fix Seonghwa’s messy hair before digging into his bag to pull out the bunny headband and gently place it on its rightful place.

“It was your first time riding it too. How could you have known that you weren’t going to like it either?”

Seonghwa delicately touched a floppy ear while trying to crush the fluttering feeling that exploded in his chest from Hongjoong’s calm understanding, taking a second to compose himself before grabbing the squirrel headband to place it on the other man in return.

“I’m still sorry,” muttered Seonghwa, feeling some lingering guilt and uneasiness despite the kind words. “That was an awful experience.”

“It really, really was. I hope you’re aware I’ll be the one choosing the rides from now on.”

He laughed with relief at the joking tone in the man’s voice, feeling his body finally starting to relax when he realized that he hadn’t accidentally ruined the date because of his stupidity.

“Deal.”

–

“Shall we sit here?”

Seonghwa nodded and sank down in the resting area that surrounded the Talking Tree, enjoying the quietness of this location now that the crowd had started to thin out while the sun disappeared into the horizon to cast a golden glow over the park.

After the fiasco at the Giant Swing, they had gone back to wander aimlessly to people-watch until the scent of fried dough lured them to the churro cart, where they got some snacks before settling down in front of a massive friendly-looking animatronic tree.

They sat in comfortable silence while eating their churros for a moment, listening to the light chatter of people in the background and the occasional voice of the tree as it shared cheesy motivational quotes every now and then.

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.”

Seonghwa froze for a second before finally swallowing the mouthful of fried dough when the robotic words of the smiling animatronic filled the air, resonating with the mantra he had been repeating to himself since he made the decision of going back to school.

“That’s one wise tree,” said Hongjoong suddenly with a playful tone.

He snorted at that, but also made a humming sound in agreement before leaning over to take a big bite of the other man’s churro, taking basically a quarter of it in a single mouthful.

“Hey!” 

Seonghwa laughed before chewing dramatically right in front of his face, giggling even louder when Hongjoong retaliated by doing the exact same thing with his own snack, which triggered a wrestling match as they tried to steal bits of each other’s churros until they found themselves covered in sugar and oily crumbs of dough.

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.”

They both stared at each other in silence as the tree recited yet another pre-recorded quote, the lighthearted and playful atmosphere turning more serious when they sat back on their designated seats to eat the rest of their own snacks.

“I’m going to quit my job after this project is done,” said Hongjoong suddenly in a somber tone.

Seonghwa’s fingers tightened around the handful of napkins he was holding onto, unsure of what to say in response considering he already kind of knew that was probably his plan based on what San had told him at the café.

Act surprised. Ask why.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about the conversation we had the day we went to the aquarium, and I realized that you were actually right: I’m not a coward. Not anymore, at least. I’ve been calling myself that for so long that I never noticed I had grown a spine at some point,” explained Hongjoong before he could say anything. “What if it’s actually not too late to stand up to my family, and become the person I always wanted to be?”

The words pulled the delicate threads that were holding Seonghwa together, testing their resilience as the underlying message behind the decision triggered a confusing mix of emotions that didn’t make much sense to him – he should be happy for Hongjoong, and he genuinely was, but he also felt a deep sense of something darker hiding underneath that happiness.

“It’s never too late,” he said, forcing a small smile and scooting closer to gently nudge his knee with his own as a sign of support. “You should always put your happiness first, even when it’s hard. Even when you’re scared.”

It was weird to voice the words he’d been repeating to himself out loud, but at the same time completely worth it when Hongjoong chuckled and gave him another nudge in response as his body visibly lost some of the tension, even if he was rolling the half-eaten churro between his fingers in a nervous gesture that showed there was more to the conversation.

“I told my father.”

Seonghwa couldn’t help the gasp that escaped his lips, his stomach twisting when he recognized how incredibly difficult that must have been considering their tense family dynamic, but still found himself unable to say anything before the Talking Tree came back to life once again.

“Your future self is watching you right now through your memories. Make them proud.”

“How did it go?” asked Seonghwa after a moment, reaching out to wrap his fingers around the man’s wrist to wordlessly tell him that it was okay to feel everything he was feeling.

“Not great, but also not as bad as I expected it to be, weirdly enough. I think he’s finally realized that he doesn’t have as much control over me as he used to,” admitted Hongjoong with a humorless chuckle before he turned his hand around to intertwine their fingers together. “My brother took my side too, which is even weirder. I feel like he has his own selfish reasons to do it, but I honestly don’t care about that as long as he keeps father off my back.”

There was something incredibly raw and vulnerable in the way he spoke: like he was still trying to process that he had stood up to his father to fight for his own happiness, but also like he was still preparing himself for the worst and bracing for the potential backlash that could come his way.

“Do you feel proud of yourself?” he whispered.

Hongjoong looked at him the moment the words left his mouth, eyes immediately getting teary as he stared at Seonghwa in shocked silence, almost like nobody else had ever asked him that question – almost like he himself hadn’t even thought about it before.

“Yeah. I…I think I am, actually.”

“Good,” he replied with the warmest smile he could muster while trying to push the pain in his chest down. “You should be.”

Because it was true, and Seonghwa wished that it didn’t hurt as much as it did.

Because this confirmed exactly what he’d been trying not to think too hard about.

Hongjoong had been growing in front of his eyes all these months, shedding the fears and expectations that held him back to slowly blossom into the confident and brave man that sat next to him, and now he was finally taking the next step to move forward and become the person he always wanted to be.

His journey mimicked the one Seonghwa had been going through almost perfectly, both of them unknowingly pushing each other to become a better and happier version of themselves without truly realizing it, even if those paths were taking them in opposite directions.

He reached out with his free hand without thinking to brush a few specks of sugar off Hongjoong’s cheek, letting his touch linger for much longer than necessary as they stared into each other’s eyes.

“For what it’s worth, I’m proud of you too.”

The smile he got in return made the tension in his stomach loosen up a bit, a quiet reassurance that the decision he had made weeks ago had been the right one after all, that breaking things off was the best choice for the both of them as they embarked on the next step in their lives.

Hongjoong was always going to move on without him anyway, sooner or later. 

There was no space for Seonghwa in the new life this man was going to build for himself away from his toxic family situation and the weight of his past.

He had fulfilled the service he had been paid for, and there was no need for him now that Hongjoong was so much more secure and comfortable in own skin and his sexuality.

This man was always going to leave him behind eventually, it simply happened to be that Seonghwa had decided to let go first.

“You don’t have to be fearless. Just be brave enough to take the first step.”

–

The sun was almost gone by the time they left Lotte World, the warmth of the day clinging to their skin even if the air was slightly cooler now.

They walked in comfortable silence until they reached the taxi stand, and Seonghwa glanced in Hongjoong’s direction to find him with his hands in his pockets and an almost content smile on his face, the same unguarded and soft look he’d had since their conversation in front of the Talking Tree.

“Are you tired?”

Seonghwa blinked as the sudden question snapped him out of the zoned-out staring he had been doing and shook his head.

“Not yet,” he replied, checking the time on his phone to confirm it was still early. “Did you have any other plans after this?”

Hongjoong’s lips shifted into something that wasn’t quite his usual smirk, but still playful enough to make his stomach flutter.

“Take me somewhere you like.”

“Me?” asked Seonghwa, frowning slightly as he titled his head in confusion.

“We always go to places I choose or the ones you think I want to see as someone from out of town. I want to see your world. Somewhere you’d go with your friends or even alone to unwind after a long day,” explained Hongjoong, eyes sparkling under the artificial lights of the street lamp. “Somewhere that makes you feel like you’re being your truest self.”

He stared back in silence for a moment, caught completely by surprise even if he rationally knew that the statement was completely true: everything they had done so far had been carefully curated to be a safe middle-ground, places none of them could really claim as their own personal territory.

Seonghwa hesitated, unsure if crossing that line and bringing this man to places he’d go to after walking out of his life was a good idea – places that would potentially remind him of this bizarre time of his life, places that would potentially remind him of Hongjoong.

“We don’t have to if you don’t feel comfortable. I just thought I’d ask.”

There was no real bitterness behind the man’s tone as he simply looked at him with calm understanding, and Seonghwa found himself feeling particularly weak and disarmed by the intensity and the fondness behind his gaze.

Just like he always did.

He knew he might regret this in the future, but the look behind those eyes made him have the sudden and reckless realization that perhaps having memories of Hongjoong in places he considered part of his real world wouldn’t be that bad after all.

“Okay,” he replied with a nod and a shy smile. “I’ll take you to one of my favorite places in the city.”

He got a big smile in response, a half-smirk that quickly turned into full on beaming that lasted the whole taxi ride to their destination as the other man looked out of the window with curiosity as they headed south, far away from the fancier areas they used to frequent.

They had only ventured into this part of Busan to visit Gamcheon, and they had gone there straight from the K-Tech Group building and then back to their accommodation without going anywhere outside the village, so he could see Hongjoong’s fascinated eyes looking around as they got off the car.

“Where are we?”

“Nampodong,” replied Seonghwa easily before grabbing his hand to drag him in the right direction.

They walked through the heart of old Busan, where the crowded streets were a little narrower as the stores and seafood restaurants spilled into the public area to fill it with people enjoying a night out under the bright neon lights.

Seonghwa guided them through street vendors and fish tanks until they reached a small arcade tucked between a camera shop and a souvenir store, a tiny establishment with chipped walls and filled to the brim with the same battered machines that had been around for decades now.

The place was old and run-down, and he didn’t even know how it was still open at this point, but it was his safe space.

The place that made him feel his truest self.

Hongjoong looked around after they stepped inside, flashing lights reflecting in his eyes as he took everything in.

“Another first, I’ve never been to one of these before. Do you come here often?”

“Not anymore,” he replied, shrugging nonchalantly like his stomach wasn’t doing flips at the sight of this man inside this arcade. “These days I only come here when I need a real break from everything, but I used to basically live here. My friends and I would spend hours here after school.”

Hongjoong smiled. “Mhm, so this is where teenage Seonghwa spent his time.”

He laughed and rolled his eyes, but the sound was soft and shy as he tried to crush how ridiculously embarrassed he was, feeling more vulnerable and naked than he ever had in front of a man who was already a close acquaintance with every corner in his body.

“Come on, let’s see how good you are at Dance Revolution.”

They exchanged some cash for a bunch of tokens and headed towards the games at the back, moving through rows of claw machines holding all sorts of stuffed animals and other small prizes, and making brief eye contact with a kid that was furiously hitting the button as the plastic toy he’d gone for bounced away from him at the last second.

Seonghwa couldn’t help but snort as he watched the child leave with an angry kick before a flash of pink inside the same machine caught his attention and made him pause mid-step, gaze immediately focusing on the misshaped bunny that sat inside: one made with visibly cheap fabric and bigger than any of the other stuffed animals around it.

It wasn’t anything special (or even particularly cute), but something about its soft pink fabric, large plastic eyes, and oversized floppy ears made him stop to stare at it – a pause that didn’t go unnoticed by Hongjoong, who immediately inserted a token in the machine and grabbed the joystick to guide it toward the plushie.

“Wait, what are you…” he said when he realized what was happening.

“Hush.”

The other man cut him off without even looking in his direction, moving the claw with intense determination before pressing the button to make it go down and catch the bunny’s ear for a brief moment, only for it to slip away when it tried to lift it up. 

Hongjoong exhaled in frustration at that, but immediately inserted a new token to try again before gently pushing Seonghwa out of the way to properly position himself in front of the machine.

“You don’t have to do th—” he started to say before he was interrupted by another shushing sound.

“Don’t talk.”

He closed his mouth at that, feeling something hot spreading up his neck at the gentle but firm tone behind the order and the intensity behind the laser-focus look on the man’s face, at the way his jaw clenched tighter when he failed a second time.

He could only stand there feeling guilty as Hongjoong tried again, and then again, and then three more times after, until the claw seemed to finally get a good grip on the floppy ear and managed to carry the toy all the way towards the hole in the corner to drop it there.

They both cheered loudly when the bunny fell down with a soft thud, and Seonghwa could feel his blush getting warmer as the other man bent over to grab it before holding it in his direction with a triumphant smirk on his face.

“For you.”

He took the plushie slowly, feeling a shock of electricity as his fingers brushed against Hongjoong’s for a brief second, even if his body should be more than used to his touch by now.

“Thank you,” whispered Seonghwa, hugging the bunny closer to his chest with a soft smile that made the smirk on the man’s face grow even bigger.

“Okay. What was that dancing game you wanted to show me?”

He cleared his throat to try to snap out of the weird state of shyness he had found himself in, nodding toward the flashing machines at the end of the arcade before leading the way there.

Seonghwa had expected to show off and impress Hongjoong with the skills he had gained after spending hours perfecting the different sequences, but even as his muscle memory guided him through the choreographies effortlessly, the other man had managed to keep up with him surprisingly well.

It was allegedly his first time doing anything like this, and yet it had taken him only a few failed tries before he got the hang of it and became completely in sync with the rhythm as he hit the movements with almost perfect sharpness and fluidity.

Seonghwa had ended up winning every round, but Hongjoong had stayed close behind the whole time, and not just in that one game either: from racing simulators to pinball, the other man had always been barely a few steps away from catching up to him.

“What the fuck, how can you be this good…” he muttered under his breath while he walked away from the air hockey table, rubbing his face in mild exasperation.

“Huh?” 

“Nothing,” replied Seonghwa sharply with a pout before he noticed the photo booth tucked in the corner of the arcade. “Oh, that’s new! I’ve never seen it before.”

“Let’s go take a picture.”

“Wha—” he started to say, just to be interrupted when Hongjoong grabbed his wrist and dragged him towards the machine before he could say anything.

The space inside was small and cramped while they navigated through the options before settling on a simple frame, awkwardly trying to settle for a pose before bursting into laughter when the flash caught them both off-guard – noisy giggles that got even louder when the camera went off a second time without any previous warning.

“Oh my God, they’re all a complete mess,” muttered Seonghwa breathlessly, scrolling through the options to find that they weren’t actually posing for any of them.

“I really like this one,” said Hongjoong while pointing to the second one.

He couldn't help but smile when he found the picture the other man was referencing, and Seonghwa didn’t even have to look at the rest before pressing the ‘Print’ button and choosing two copies.

There was absolutely nothing glamorous or polished about that photo as they were both completely off-center with Hongjoong leaning into him, mouths open mid-laughter while they looked into each other’s eyes instead of the camera with the pink bunny trapped between their chests.

It was far from the perfectly staged shot Seonghwa usually went for in these things, and yet he felt like it captured the lighthearted and fun vibe of what had probably been one of the best days he’d ever had in his life.

Hongjoong grabbed the prints from the machine and handed him one of them before sliding the other into his pocket the moment they stepped outside, sending him a shy smile as they stood outside the photo booth.

“Thank you for bringing me here. I understand why it’s one of your favorite places.”

Seonghwa returned the smile with a nod, the sound of the machines fading into the background for a brief moment as the flashing lights reflected in Hongjoong’s eyes while they stared at one another in silence.

“I’m glad you liked it,” he said finally, meaning every single word.

He had been dreading seeing this man today after the emotional turmoil he’d endured in the last few days as he processed everything that had happened while also accepting that this was going to be one of their last dates, since the impending end of their arrangement hovered over them like a ticking clock counting down the days.

But, as always, it had been too easy to forget everything and just get lost in the magic of the moment. 

Way too easy.

The amusement park, the arcade, the stupid pink bunny he was still holding onto and the matching headband stuffed in his bag, Hongjoong’s constant need to reassure him and cherish him like he was something precious – everything melted together to make Seonghwa feel warm, alive, and reckless.

Exactly the kind of dangerous combination that had got him in this whole mess to begin with.

“Are you hungry? Is there any restaurant around here that you like to visit after the arcade?”

He smiled. “Yes, actually. My favorite BBQ place is around the corner.”

“Lead the way, then,” said Hongjoong while pointing towards the door.

Seonghwa hugged the bunny as they headed outside, moving down the busy street as the other man walked beside him with the type of soft cheerful energy and light walking that told him that he wasn’t the only one who was having a good time.

“This is it.”

The restaurant was as much of a hole in the wall as the arcade had been, without any fancy signs or polished exterior to promote itself, but the scent of sizzling meat and garlic that was traveling through the door made his stomach growl the moment they stopped in front of it.

“Damn, that smells so good,” replied Hongjoong as they walked inside.

The inside was exactly how he remembered it: small, cramped, and loud. 

The kind of place that let you know the food was going to be delicious just by looking at it, the kind of place that had regulars who had heard about it from word-of-mouth.

“It’s very different from the restaurants we usually go to,” explained Seonghwa, smiling as he looked around to take in the familiar atmosphere. “You won’t find anything gourmet here, but the kimchi is simply ama—”

The words he had meant to say completely disappeared from his mind as his whole body froze, air leaving his lungs with a painful punch that left white noise ringing in his ears the moment his eyes stopped on the rowdy group of men that sat on the big table tucked in the back.

Hongjoong said something after his brief explanation, but Seonghwa could only hear his own blood pulsing as he stood in the middle of the room staring at the man sitting at that table, leaning back with his legs wide open to occupy as much space as possible while acting like he owned the place.

Just like he always did.

I need to get away.

He wasn’t sure if he had actually managed to inhale enough air to say the words out loud or not, because that was the exact moment when Junhyung looked up to immediately meet his eyes, almost like he had sensed Seonghwa’s gaze on him.

He could feel himself starting to shake when the sharp grin appeared on the man’s face before he got up to walk up to him while laughing loudly, a familiar sound that seemed to resonate inside his skull as he approached.

“Holy shit,” said Junhyung, his voice just as smug and daunting as he remembered. “Didn’t expect to see you here.”

Seonghwa couldn’t move.

He couldn’t breathe.

In that very moment, he wasn’t standing in this restaurant anymore, he was standing in their old living room: stuck in the memories he had tried so hard to bury, in the shouting and the manipulation that had slowly broken him down piece by piece until he couldn’t even recognize himself anymore.

He was brought back to reality by a gentle pressure on his forearm when Hongjoong wrapped his fingers around it, his soft voice traveling through the thick fog in his brain to drag him out even if Seonghwa couldn’t really understand the words he was saying. 

The movement made Junhyung look down at the point where they were touching, his eyes moving lazily between them for a brief moment before he let out another loud chuckle and tilted his head to his side as he gave Hongjoong a condescending once-over.

“No fucking way, is this your new guy? Damn, what a downgrade. I didn’t think your standards could go that low.”

Seonghwa flinched at that, frustration mixing with the fear when he found himself completely unable to speak or even move no matter how hard he tried, caught up in the incredibly familiar feeling of being small and insignificant in front of this man.

“That’s enough,” said Hongjoong in a low but firm tone as he walked forward to stand between them, the grip on Seonghwa’s arm tightening when his body tensed up. “I think you should go back to your table now.”

Junhyung laughed. “You think you’re special, shorty? Trust me, you’re not. You’ll find out how much of a slut he is soon, if you haven’t yet.”

Seonghwa physically recoiled the second he heard that word, skin growing tight and hot as the dread expanded inside his chest to squeeze all the air out of his lungs, the walls of the restaurant coming closer to press down on him while his brain shouted at him to just run.

He was vaguely aware that Junhyung’s blatant provocation had gotten him the reaction he wanted, since now he could distantly hear the confrontation between the two men escalating as their voices got louder, but all he could manage to do in that moment was take a small step back to try to get away from it.

Something that Hongjoong immediately noticed.

Something that made him stop mid-sentence.

Without saying another word, he turned around and pulled on Seonghwa’s forearm to guide him towards the door with no hesitation, not even caring about the fact that Junhyung was still shouting at them in the distance while they left him behind to walk out of the restaurant.

Air hit his face when they stepped outside, cutting through the thick fog in his brain just enough to give him some clarity as Hongjoong dragged him down the street, even if he felt like he was going to collapse because of how badly he was shaking – which was exactly what happened the moment they came to a stop in a poorly-lit and secluded alleyway.

“Breathe.”

Hongjoong never let go of him even after Seonghwa’s legs finally gave out and he slid down the wall before he could stop himself, gasping for air when the firm command made him realize that the tightness in his chest had begun burning due to the lack of oxygen.

The other man immediately went down with him as he collapsed, crouching at a safe distance to give him enough space to calm down without letting go of his wrist, the warm fingers acting like the anchor Seonghwa needed to keep himself grounded and not get lost in his own head.

The feeling of sheer panic was still there as the other man instructed him to inhale and exhale with him in a steady but gentle tone, pressing against his ribs and flooding his system with familiar fear that he believed he’d gotten rid of, but apparently had never really left.

“Are you okay?” asked Hongjoong once his head had cleared and his breathing had gone back to normal.

He nodded, even though they both knew it was a lie.

“I’m sorry,” said Seonghwa, voice hoarse and choked, tears finally coming up to his eyes for the first time that night. “I’m so, so sorry. I should have walked away. I should have stood up to him myself. I’m just a dumb useless idiot who can’t do anything right. I promise I will find a way to make it up to yo—”

“Shh, breathe. It’s fine.”

No, it’s not fucking fine.

Now that the fear wasn’t clouding his senses anymore, all Seonghwa could feel was such intense shame and frustration that he almost felt blindsided by it.

He had spent months picking up the pieces Junhyung had left behind to build a better version of himself, the kind of person he wished he had been during the duration of their relationship. 

He had worked so hard on erasing his ex-boyfriend from his memories, on removing the echoes of his voice from his head, on letting go of the past that had been weighing down on him.

And yet, all the healing he had achieved by staring at the most vulnerable and embarrassing parts of himself had shattered the moment Seonghwa had laid eyes on him, like had never made any progress at all.

In a matter of a couple of seconds, he had reverted back to that old version of himself, the one who had allowed that man to walk all over him for three years without putting up a fight.

He absolutely despised that Junhyung had seen him crumble as easily as he used to, but he hated that Hongjoong had seen him behave in such an embarrassing way even more.

“I’m sorry he dragged you into it,” said Seonghwa after he let go of all the angry tears. “Just ignore him.”

“I couldn’t care less about what he thinks of me, but he has no fucking right to talk to you that way.”

He chuckled. “It’s okay. I’m used to it.”

Seonghwa realized immediately that it was probably the wrong thing to say, judging by the way Hongjoong’s expression darkened, but luckily the other man didn’t verbally acknowledge what he’d just said.

Instead, he stayed right where he was, holding his wrist to anchor him into the present and offering silent support and space without pushing for more information.

“Do you want to go home? I completely understand if you don’t feel like continuing our date after that. We can call it a day here.”

“Can we just go back to your apartment?” asked Seonghwa. “I don’t feel like hanging out in this area anymore.”

Hongjoong smiled and nodded wordlessly, gently tugging on his wrist to help him stand up before walking out of the alley and into the main street.

The ghost of Junhyung was still lingering in the back of his head as they walked, but the world didn’t feel suffocating and overwhelming anymore.

Hongjoong was there with him, real and solid, and he couldn’t help feeling safer because of it.

–

The emotional whiplash of the day was weighing down on them by the time they reached the man’s temporary home, so thick and heavy that Seonghwa felt like it was a physical pressure over his head.

He couldn’t help but release a sigh the moment they walked inside, the whole space feeling more like refuge than it ever did as they closed the front door behind them to step into the comfort of the cool and dimly-lit living room.

He was almost surprised to notice he didn’t feel scared or even angry anymore, and that he was actually struggling to feel anything at all besides deep exhaustion as Hongjoong wordlessly grabbed his wrist again to guide him upstairs.

He stayed silent as the other man opened the tap on the bathtub and adjusted the temperature while he let the water flow, throwing something that smelled like lavender in before turning around to stand right in front of Seonghwa.

“Can I undress you?”

He nodded without hesitation, closing his eyes and allowing Hongjoong to peel the layers away as the sound of the water filling the tub washed over him, steam coming up to create a comforting haze that softened the atmosphere around him.

Seonghwa let himself be gently guided into the bath before stepping inside, humming when the warmth from the water sank into his skin to ease the tension in his muscles and fill his head with cotton balls.

“I'll go order some food and leave you to it,” whispered Hongjoong softly while walking towards the door, almost like he was afraid his voice wouldn’t ruin the calm.

“Stay.”

The word escaped his mouth before the idea even had the chance to form properly, and yet he didn't regret it.

Seonghwa knew that the other man was trying to give him some privacy, but he didn't want to be alone with his thoughts right now, so he maintained the direct eye contact as Hongjoong studied his face while visibly trying to figure out how much space he should give in a moment like this one. 

“Please,” he added, a small smile tugging at his lips despite the heaviness in his chest.

The other man got closer once again to sit on the toilet lid, instead of slipping into the warm water like he would have done in any other situation, but Seonghwa appreciated the distance because he wasn’t completely sure he would be able to hold it together if he felt his gentle touch.

The bathroom was quiet, only filled with the sound of their breathing and the occasional bubbling and splashing when he shifted, as Hongjoong leaned back with his arms crossed and an unreadable expression on his face – his presence grounding without being overwhelming, almost like he was saying ‘I’m here, you’re safe’ without saying a single word.

Seonghwa sighed when his body finally relaxed enough to let him rest his head against the edge of the tub and close his eyes to allow the warmth and safety of the room to calm the unsettling storm inside him, tension loosening up as he sank deeper into the water.

“Hey.”

He jolted awake when the gentle whisper filtered through the fog clouding his brain, finding Hongjoong standing next to him with a fluffy towel in his hands.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. You’re falling asleep, let’s get you out of there and into bed.”

He stared at the other man for a moment longer before nodding and getting up, letting himself be helped out of the tub and dried as Hongjoong dragged the soft fabric on his wet skin under Seonghwa’s inquisitive gaze.

He felt an almost overwhelming amount of gratitude that he didn’t know how to voice, thankful for the neverending gentleness this man always showed him, for the way he always seemed to know exactly what he needed to feel more at ease.

“Thank you,” he ended up saying, knowing that the word didn’t really portray everything he wanted to say.

Hongjoong smiled at him wordlessly, eyes full of affection and concern but no pity while he helped him dress up just as silently.

There was food spread out on the coffee table when they came out of the bathroom, even though Seonghwa couldn’t remember ever hearing the other man leaving at any point during the bath, and he simply allowed himself to be carefully dragged towards the couch without fussing about the meal for once.

They ate in comfortable silence as their arms and legs brushed occasionally while the walls of the apartment closed in around them to create that special bubble where only them existed, each bite of food settling in Seonghwa’s stomach while the lingering tension left his body the more grounded he felt in Hongjoong’s presence.

The cloud of anxiety had been lifted from his chest, but a strange rawness had taken over its place, one that flared up even more when his eyes caught a splash of pink on the corner of his vision to immediately add another layer of complexity to the emotional turmoil. 

“Oh. I forgot about that, th-those are for you.”

Seonghwa didn’t reply to the soft whisper, gaze fixed on the exuberant bouquet resting on the table: a careful arrangement of roses ranging all the way from vibrant pink to deep burgundy to include what seemed like every possible shade in between.

“I noticed that you kept touching the flowers I got you the other day, so I wanted to have a little surprise waiting here after coming back from the park.”

He finally forced his eyes away from the bouquet to look at Hongjoong, who was staring back with an almost shy look on his face, and Seonghwa’s body moved forward before he could even make the conscious decision to do so to wrap his arms around the other man and press his face on his neck.

The tears started flowing the moment he found himself safely tucked against a warm and solid chest, the emotional built-up of the night finally catching up to him and spilling over in the form of a silent cry that left him so exhausted that he could only weakly shiver in the tight embrace.

“Thank you,” said Seonghwa hoarsely.

He wasn’t completely sure if he was thanking him for the roses or the understanding support he’d been showing the whole night, and yet he felt the overwhelming need to break the silence with those words.

Hongjoong didn’t reply at first as he simply continued caressing his hair in the same way he’d been doing since he engulfed Seonghwa in the hug, but he ended up speaking up to fill the air after a moment of comfortable silence.

“The fact that the flowers are the one thing that seemed to get your attention the most was kind of unexpected, and yet it wasn’t surprising at all at the same time.”

Seonghwa stayed still for a few seconds before moving back, putting just enough distance between them so he could look at his face in confusion.

“I was fully prepared to spoil you rotten this month, you know? I was so ready to take you out and pamper you with beauty treatments and designer clothing and expensive jewelry, but you never seemed to enjoy the things I expected you to enjoy,” explained Hongjoong calmly while he maintained eye contact. “You never seemed to care about high-end restaurants or expensive trips or all the potential places I could get you in. In fact, you actually seemed to actively hate being in that kind of environment.”

Seonghwa couldn’t help the surprised laugh that escaped his lips the moment his brain processed what he had just heard, feeling somewhat embarrassed by the fact that he had apparently failed at behaving like a proper high-end escort or a sugar baby because he was too broke-minded to even think about asking for gifts and favors. 

“I was completely thrown off-guard at first, unsure of how to proceed. I obviously had noticed that you never showed any interest in all of that before, but I thought it was because of the nature of our former dynamic and that it would change under the new arrangement,” continued Hongjoong before gently pushing him away in order to get up. “I tried so hard to indirectly ask about things you might actually like, but it’s incredibly difficult to get any information out of you. Luckily for me, your face is a lot more straightforward than your mouth is, and it helped me figure you out a bit better.”

Seonghwa simply stared at his back while the other man dug through the bag that sat next to the flowers to grab something inside, before coming back to the couch while hiding whatever he had picked up behind him.

“I’ve only seen genuine delight and happiness shining in your eyes a few times before,” explained Hongjoong as he sat down in front of him again, holding three fingers up with his free hand. “The day we went to the aquarium, the day I got you the flowers, and the day I got you the bracelet. I wanted to recreate all of that today.”

Seonghwa stared at the Cartier box the other man had retrieved from behind his back to place it on the couch between them, sending one last quick look in Hongjoong’s direction before grabbing it and opening it up to reveal a gold chain neatly placed inside.

“I’ve noticed you don’t wear a lot of jewelry, but you seem to actually love the bracelet I got you, so I thought you might like one of the matching pieces.”

He continued to look at the box in silence, the fluttering in his chest moving up to choke him as he picked up the necklace to bring it closer to his face, immediately noticing that the pendant dangling from the chain was a small version of the bracelet that was hugging his wrist at that very moment.

“Put it on me?” asked Seonghwa, his voice betraying how vulnerable and overwhelmed he felt at that very moment.

Hongjoong grabbed it carefully from his hand and got up in order to place it around his neck, the light weight of it resting on his collarbone grounding him down to the present even if he could barely feel it.

The emotional whiplash of the night was making him feel dizzy and floaty in a way that was making it hard to even think, almost like his brain had decided to shut down in order to stop the never-ending stream of intense thoughts and sensations.

“I love it,” he said, in the same soft tone. “Thank you.”

Hongjoong gave him a comforting grip on his shoulder before he buried his face in Seonghwa’s hair, lips brushing against his skin to send chills down his spine and bring tears up to his eyes again.

I’m going to miss you.

The stress of the chain of events that had happened throughout the day was still hanging in the air, thick and real and threatening to push all the dangerous thoughts that floated in his mind to the surface – stupid, silly words that would ruin their last days together and would make everything a lot harder than it was already going to be.

His body was moving before he could stop it as his hands reached out to gently grab Hongjoong’s head and bring him closer to press a soft kiss on his lips, a brief contact that immediately made the other man push him back gently to put some distance between them.

“You’ve had a rough night, let’s just get you home. I promise I’m not expecting you to do anything like that today.”

Something about the implied meaning behind the seemingly understanding sentiment made the prickling sensation behind Seonghwa’s eyes worsen, panic rising inside his chest at the idea of locking himself away in the deafening silence and solitude of his own bedroom.

“I know you aren’t,” he replied straight away. “I want to do it.”

“You’re in a vulnerable state, Seonghwa. I’m not going to take advantage of you,” explained Hongjoong, the softness on his face morphing into seriousness as he added determination to his voice.

“You aren’t. I want it. I need it. Please, I need to feel you.”

He was embarrassingly aware of the fact that his begging was making him sound pathetic and desperate, but he felt the crushing need to put his plea out there before the pressure inside him grew big enough to make him explode into tiny pieces.

He needed Hongjoong to help him break free from the ghost that had been haunting him from the corners of his consciousness for months now, until it had finally materialized in front of Seonghwa to remind him how weak and pitiful he truly was.

He needed Hongjoong to stay grounded in reality and not get lost in the echoes of the past.

He needed Hongjoong to feel alive again.

He needed Hongjoong to feel real again.

He simply needed Hongjoong.

“Please, I need you to chase him away. I need you to make me forget about him the way you always do,” said Seonghwa, words rushing out of his mouth before he could properly rationalize them. “I need you to remind me that I’m me, and you’re you.”

He knew he was probably not making any sense right now, but his desperate nonsensical words seemed to be enough to prove that he was serious, since it only took Hongjoong a few extra seconds of silence before he leaned in to close the distance between them again.

His touch was hesitant at first when he pulled Seonghwa into his arms, almost like he was trying to figure out if he should really allow himself to do it even though he had gotten expressed consent to go ahead, but something finally shifted inside both of them as their lips and hands seeked each other.

The warmth of Hongjoong’s skin chased away the ghosts and anchored him to the present in a way that made the outside world become blurry while all the worries and fears faded in the background, making Seonghwa melt into his touch and drink up the connection that reminded him that he wasn’t actually the same person he used to be.

Fingers slid down the back of his neck as they kissed, his own hands reaching up to frame the other man’s face when they leaned back to lay on the couch without pulling their lips apart, the solid weight of his body pressing down on him so closely that Seonghwa could feel the quick rush of his heartbeat against his own.

“I’m right here,” whispered Hongjoong, voice low and intimate. “I’m me, and you’re you.”

The always-present pressure in his chest became almost unbearable as he caged all the unsaid thoughts that were threatening with spilling out of his mouth there, choosing to focus on the comforting warmth of his skin and the pleasant musk in his scent instead, safely storing both of them deep into his memory.

Hongjoong moved back after a moment of lazy kisses, putting just enough distance between them to carefully undress him until he was laying completely naked beneath him, the vulnerability in the air growing heavier as the other man touched him like he was afraid he would break under his hands – like he thought Seonghwa was something fragile, something precious.

“Let me,” he said in a soft voice before pushing Hongjoong’s hands away as they began working on his own pants.

Seonghwa undressed him back with the same level of reverence, fingers trembling slightly while they pushed all the fabric away to leave the other man just as naked where he kneeled on top of him, eyes finding each other again to silently stare in quiet understanding and appreciation.

Hongjoong leaned over to brush his lips against his own once again, keeping the kiss gentle while his hand slid slowly up Seonghwa’s chest to stop on the necklace that was resting between his collarbones for a moment before moving to rub his nipple playfully, the familiar action making the tightness in his stomach loosen up ever so slightly.

“You’re so fucking beautiful.”

He gasped as the words washed over him while the other man dragged his lips down his neck, familiar praises that Hongjoong had thrown his way since the moment they laid eyes on each other, but that never failed to create a domino effect of emotions inside Seonghwa.

He had laid beneath this man many times before, completely at his mercy while he mapped his entire body with his mouth and his hands, and yet something about the way Hongjoong was leaving open-mouth kisses and gentle bites on his skin felt less desperate and more tender than usual – almost like Seonghwa wasn’t the only one memorizing every detail about this moment in time.

I’m going to miss you so much.

He grabbed the man’s shoulder to push him back, sitting up to kiss the confused look on his face away before he followed the same familiar path down Hongjoong’s chest, lips brushing over that sensitive spot on his throat before dragging his tongue down his collarbone in its way to the closest nipple.

Seonghwa felt fingers gently massaging his scalp as he moved from one nub to the other, hand dipping down to wrap it around the man’s dick to gently coax it into hardness while he focused on storing the taste and texture of Hongjoong’s skin in that special memory box inside his mind.

He was expecting the usual level of urgency to take over by the time he fished the half-empty bottle of lube from underneath the throw pillow, but the slow and reverent vibe in the air stuck with them as their bodies came together once more just to feel one another.

Their mouths met again in a deep kiss when the other man pushed his slick fingers inside Seonghwa carefully, hips seeking each other and erections leaving wet patches behind while they lazily moved together just for the sake of feeling the skin-on-skin contact as the other man opened him up.

Hongjoong slipped inside him without the usual repressed desperation too, without the horny desire that tended to consume them both during this part of the process: it still felt passionate and pleasurable as it always did, but there was an underlying energy that was making the action feel a lot more intimate than usual.

Seonghwa’s legs wrapped around the man’s waist as he dug his nails into his back in an attempt to get him even deeper inside him, enjoying the solid weight that fell on top of him as the other man tucked his face into his neck and started to fuck him slowly with a moan that vibrated against his skin.

They weren’t just moving together to enjoy the pleasure of each other’s bodies and their electric chemistry, they were holding one another like they were really anchoring themselves to the present to avoid getting lost in the shadows of the past or the uncertainties of the future.

For the first time since they started having sex months ago, Seonghwa allowed himself to like they were actually making love and not just fucking, and that thought made something snap inside him – something that had been barely holding itself together until it finally crumbled in that very moment.

I’m really going to miss you so much.

A single choked up sob escaped him while he forced himself to maintain eye contact, one that got quickly lost among the whines that were leaving his mouth, but that was still immediately followed by tears sliding down his face as more quiet sobbing followed that very first sound.

Hongjoong didn’t verbally acknowledge his crying, his slow movements barely faltering when he slipped his hands behind Seonghwa’s back to bring their bodies even closer, the added weight on top of him becoming a soothing presence that kept him anchored to the couch despite the uncomfortable angle.

He started sobbing harder when he returned the embrace with the same intensity, arms and legs tightly wrapped around the other man while he continued to slowly thrust into him, the pleasure and physical connection amplifying all the emotions and bringing them to the surface to leave him exposed and raw as he clung to the only person who had ever made him feel like being this vulnerable wasn’t a bad thing.

Seonghwa’s heart skipped a beat when he realized that he wasn’t crying because of the lingering fear of his encounter with Junhyung or the stress of the ghosts from the past, he was crying because he found himself unable to keep the walls he’d been building up while Hongjoong made love to him for the first time.

He was crying because he didn’t know how he was going to stand in front of the person who had drastically changed the course of his life for the best and end it all, he didn’t know how he was going to stare into those intense eyes that made his knees feel weak and tell him it was over – he didn’t know how to walk away from this, even if he knew he had to it.

He wasn’t ready to walk away from all of these feelings.

He wasn’t ready to walk away from Hongjoong.

And, when he felt what seemed like tears gathering where the other man had buried his face in his neck, it was almost like Seonghwa wasn’t the only one feeling that way.

None of them asked any questions as their bodies moved together, desperately seeking both the escalation of the pleasure and the emotional connection that came with it, to remind themselves that they were still together despite everything that will inevitably happen in a matter of days.

The pendant of his new necklace dug into his skin under Hongjoong’s weight when Seonghwa brought him even closer to him so he could rub his dick in the tight space between their abs, the loud sound of their panting and their wet skin colliding filling the room while they rushed closer to the edge.

Every deep thrust sent another wave of pleasure through him as lips dragged messily over his jaw and his throat, unintelligible whispers mixing with breathless praises while the other man fucked him deliberately slow, his arms caging Seonghwa against his body so tightly that he couldn’t tell their heartbeats apart as they pulsed inside their chests.

His nails dug deeper into Hongjoong’s sweaty back like he was trying to somehow bring him even closer, lips rubbing the only patch of skin he could reach from this position on the man’s shoulder to satisfy the desperate need to fully feel him, to stay connected to him in every possible way while he fell apart under him.

Seonghwa’s hands slid down Hongjoong’s back to grab his ass when the constant pressure on his prostate became too much, fingers digging into the muscle to prevent him from moving away from that spot that was making him see stars behind his closed eyelids.

The blinding pleasure of his powerful orgasm momentarily pushed away the emotions that had been bubbling inside him when they both came basically at the same time, leaving him feeling blissfully numb and tingly as he tensed up before laying boneless under Hongjoong’s body, letting the deceitfully peaceful calmness wash over them while they trembled from the overstimulation while catching their breath.

I’m going to miss you so fucking much.

Seonghwa clung to those words just to avoid giving into the temptation of acknowledging the more dangerous ones that were lingering at the back of his mind, waiting to come up to the front when he was least expecting it – words he shouldn’t even be thinking about, let alone saying out loud.

Future Seonghwa would have to walk away from all of this very soon, but all he could do for now was letting Hongjoong hold his present self as tightly as he could, hoping that the necklace digging into his chest would leave a permanent imprint that would represent the emotional mark this man had left on him.

All he could do for now was hope that, somehow, the energy and confidence he got from all these magical moments together would be enough to carry him through what he needed to do next.

–

“Do you think something happened to him?”

Seonghwa looked up when the familiar voice filtered through the quietness of the café, his hand’s movements slowing down where they were carefully wiping down the already clean portafilter for the third time.

“Huh?” he asked after a moment of trying to silently figure out what his friend had said.

“You’re awfully distracted today,” said Yeosang before releasing a chuckle. “San! He hasn’t been around in a while. Do you think something happened to him?”

Seonghwa stared down at the portafilter again while he focused on checking every crevice for any leftover coffee, hoping that the laser-focus attention was coming across as perfectionist and not the attempt to avoid eye contact it actually was.

“He’s probably just busy, don’t worry too much about it.”

“Maybe he just went back to Seoul already, he did say that he was only staying here until the end of the summer,” added Yeosang, leaning back against the counter and folding his arms over his chest. “But he wouldn’t leave without saying bye, right? I thought …we had made some progress.”

Seonghwa finally put the portafilter down before sighing loudly, letting the silence stretch between them for a moment longer as the occasional chatter coming from the very few patrons in the café, the blasting hum of the AC, and the clinking of the plates filled the quietness.

“Don’t worry too much about it. I’m sure he’s completely fine and will show up when you least expect it,” he replied, eyes dropping down again when he began stacking clean cups next to the espresso machine. “Maybe he’ll even show up today. He usually takes his break around this time, doesn’t he?”

Seonghwa was well aware that his friend’s crush would probably not be showing up any time soon, and that things would probably still be different from his previous visits even if he did, but that knowledge remained stuck at the back of his throat while he tried to come across as nonchalant while he focused on the cups.

It wasn’t just that the words ‘right person, wrong time’ were still ringing inside his mind in San’s resigned voice, but also the fact that his phone had remained quiet since the moment he stepped out of Hongjoong’s apartment three days ago, save for a couple of brief texts when the man had checked on him before going back to complete silence.

He knew that San was probably as busy as his boss was, focused on what Seonghwa now knew was the launch of some kind of revolutionary solar energy system he didn’t fully understand, thanks to the accidental glimpse he’d gotten from a TV segment talking about it that very same morning. 

He had stood in his living room to listen to the head of the Kim family and his firstborn proudly announce the news surrounded by the media, no sign or mention of the youngest son anywhere in his speech or the footage shown, despite knowing that Hongjoong himself had actually been the one working tirelessly on this project.

Seonghwa had felt completely enraged by the blatant erasure of the driving force behind this brand new technology, even if he wasn’t surprised by the hypocrisy based on the limited information he had about the man’s brother and father, his fingers flying over the screen of his phone before he caught himself and deleted his fiery rant before sending.

There was no need to bother Hongjoong with stupid nonsense he was already fully aware of, considering it was his own blood doing this to him for what seemed to be one of many times, and Seonghwa was too afraid to get too deep and personal in their communication right now anyway.

Because, for the first time since they started their relationship, he was lowkey grateful for the distraction the other man’s busy job provided.

None of them had acknowledged the emotionally-charged lovemaking they’d engaged in during their last night together, even if the same air of solemnity and awareness had followed them into the next morning and had fueled the weirdly intense yearning behind the kiss they had shared before Seonghwa left the apartment.

He knew this launch marked the end of the project that was keeping Hongjoong in Busan, which also marked the end of their ‘current arrangement’, and he wasn’t ashamed to admit that he was quite literally running away from the incredibly difficult conversation that was approaching him from behind like a menacing cloud.

Right person, wrong time.

“Seonghwa?”

He snapped out of his thoughts at that, looking up at Yeosang while his fingers curled around the cup he was holding in the air.

“Sorry, I spaced out for a moment there,” he said while forcing a smile. “What were you saying?”

His friend stared at him a bit longer before his jaw tightened visibly, eyes losing its usual bright friendliness to darken with a devastating mix of hurt, frustration, and disappointment.

“Are you going to finally tell me what the fuck is going on with you?”

Seonghwa’s stomach dropped at that, every muscle in his body tensing up as all his thoughts evaporated into thin air to leave his brain empty and numb. 

“I’ve been trying to be patient with you, but I guess you will never tell me what’s wrong if I don’t ask directly,” replied Yeosang, voice soft and incredibly tired, like he had been holding this back for a really long time. “I know you’ve talked about whatever it is with Yunho and Wooyoung, so I want to know why exactly are you keeping me and Jongho in the dark. Again.”

He could only stare back into the hurt in his friend’s gaze for a moment, years of late-night talks and shared meals flashing before his eyes as the silence over them grew heavier, unsure of how to respond honestly without accidentally pulling him into the part of his life that Seonghwa had tried to keep away from him – despite karma’s best attempts at messing up with him by creating an unexpected bridge between both sides in the form of San.

“I promise I’m not trying to keep you in the dark, Yunho and Wooyoung only know because they kind of forced it out of me,” he replied after a moment of consideration, trying to keep his tone leveled so he wouldn’t end up bursting into tears. “It’s just some stuff that I need to deal with by myself, there is no need to bother you with stupid nonsense.”

“‘I didn’t want to bother you’,” repeated Yeosang, doing the air quotes with his fingers to empathize the words with an escalating tone. “You always say that! It’s your favorite excuse to keep everyone away while you quite literally drown under your problems, until we finally decide to forcibly drag you out as you kick and scream and try to fight against us because somehow that makes you want to cling to your issues even harder.”

A pang of sudden frustration exploded in Seonghwa’s chest, hot and bright and fueled by both the shame of being blatantly called out on his behavior and the cocktail of repressed emotions he had been dealing with for way too long now.

“It’s nothing like that! I just didn’t see the need of dragging you into a messy situation that wasn’t going to last long anyway. I already have enough on my plate dealing with Wooyoung, I don’t need another person breathing down my neck,” he said in a rush, taking a deep breath when he realized he had just raised his voice. “This isn’t the right time or place to be having this conversation. You don’t need to worry about me, I know what I’m doing.”

“Do you? Because I can tell that you’ve probably just been trying to bury your head in the sand and pretend nothing is happening, like you always do. Meanwhile, you’re letting the problem build up while telling yourself that your so-called ‘Future Seonghwa’ will be able to deal with it, only to have you completely fall apart in our arms when your own actions finally catch up to you.”

Yeosang snorted when he simply stared back at him, mind reeling as the direct accusation in his friend’s words made shame set heavily in his stomach because of the painful and undeniable truth behind it, knowing that his silence was probably betraying how much he hated being so clearly seen.

How much he hated being treated like a kid all over again.

“You’re not nearly as aloof and secretive as you think you are, Seonghwa. You’re actually incredibly transparent, we just choose to pretend we can’t read your face like an open book.”

The words pierced his chest with so much surgical precision that he barely even felt any pain as they added yet another layer of complex emotions to the ones he already had bubbling inside him, and he found himself completely unable to deny or even explain anything as pure unadulterated exhaustion washed over him.

Seonghwa was already suffocating under the weight of the quickly-approaching consequences of actions, the unpleasant outcomes of all the stupid choices he had made regarding Hongjoong, and the last thing he needed right now was to add even more guilt to the already overwhelming mix.

I can’t do this.

He did a quick sweep of the shop with his eyes to distract himself and make sure nobody had witnessed their heated interaction, finding that none of the few patrons was paying them any attention at that specific moment as they let the awkward silence stretch between them now that the outburst was out of the way.

He couldn’t help but exhale loudly when Yeosang closed the distance between to engulf him in a hug, one that Seonghwa returned eagerly as the tension in his muscles eased just slightly as the solid warmth of his friend helped him get away from his anxious thoughts.

“I’m sorry I’m bringing this up right now, I didn’t mean to. I just…” added Yeosang clearly defeated before sighing. “I just want to help you. I love you, you’re my friend. I’ve seen the tension build up in you over the last few weeks, and I simply want to take some of that burden away from you.”

“I know,” he replied, sounding just as tired. “I love you too.”

A sharp ding coming from the door snapped the intimate moment in half, and his friend tightened his grip around him for a brief second before letting go of him completely, turning towards the register while Seonghwa faced the espresso machine to try to put himself together and kick the customer service reflexes in.

“Oh my, hello! Welcome back to Deja Brew!” exclaimed Yeosang behind him, voice bright and cheerful like they hadn’t just had a tense encounter seconds ago.

“Hi. Sorry, we didn’t mean to interrupt.”

Seonghwa’s muscles stiffened again when he immediately recognized the voice, pressing his eyes tightly close while cursing mentally and taking another deep breath to recenter himself before turning around with a polite fake smile to find two familiar faces standing on the other side of the counter.

“Oh, it’s okay,” replied Yeosang nonchalantly. “We’ve just had a busy morning and were sharing some friendly moral support, that’s all.”

“We can definitely relate to that, we’re also having a really rough day,” said San, eyes full of tiredness but with the same bright soft smile on his face as he made direct eye contact with him. “Hi, Seonghwa!”

“Hello again,” added Mingi with a shy bow from where he was standing next to his co-worker. 

“We were in the area dealing with some business and our boss was in desperate need of his bihourly dose of caffeine, so we obviously thought of grabbing some coffee here!”

Seonghwa didn’t even have the time to register the meaning behind the words as the walls seemed to close in around him, heart skipping a beat inside his chest before picking up the pace so quickly that black dots filled his vision for a brief moment after he finally saw the figure standing a few steps behind San and Mingi.

For what seemed like an eternity, the world ceased to exist: no coffee paraphernalia around him, no people chatting next to him, no espresso machines hissing in the background, no ground beneath his feet.

There was only Hongjoong.

The person who was staring right back at Seonghwa just as frozen in time as he felt, fingers hovering over the screen of his phone like he had been typing something before he noticed his presence, and a look of clear confusion on his face that quickly turned into a myriad of other feelings when the world around them suddenly came back into focus.

He held his breath as the other man finally took a step forward while putting the device inside his pocket before clearing his throat, his expression and demeanor shifting so incredibly fast from shock to polite detachment that Seonghwa almost felt like he was hallucinating this whole interaction.

“Good afternoon,” said Hongjoong, wide-eyed disbelief completely gone as the words came out completely composed. “First time here, but I’m actually a faithful regular. I have to say your coffee is simply am—”

He couldn’t hear the rest of the sentence as every outside noise got drowned by the sudden ringing in his ears, the loud echo of his harsh breathing joining it right away while the floor seemed to suddenly reappear under him just to be ripped away again to leave him feeling dizzy and nauseated.

This can’t be happening. This isn’t real.

“Seonghwa? Are you okay?”

He swallowed and turned to look at Yeosang, the tense action sending pain down the stiff muscles of his chest while he tried to turn his expression into something that could pass as normal even if he felt like all his internal organs were twisting inside his body in unison.

“Yeah, sorry,” he replied with what was probably a visibly forced smile. “Still trying to recover from the hectic morning, I apologize. Can you repeat the order?”

His friend stared back at him with obvious concern in his eyes, fully aware that there was something else going on behind his lie, before he returned to customer service mode and laughed lightly to try to ease up the sudden confusing tension in the air.

“No worries,” added Yeosang before pointing to the espresso machine. “Two large Americanos and one medium latte to go, please.”

Seonghwa nodded before turning around to face the other way, exhaling through his nose to try to stop the shaking of his hands while he fumbled with the portafilter and the ground coffee, keeping himself occupied with the cups as lighthearted small talk went on behind him.

He could feel tears pooling in his eyes and sweat seeping through his pores while he physically felt Hongjoong watching him, the weight on his gaze pressing down on him to make him feel even more suffocated as he found himself completely unable to look at the man’s face again.

Seonghwa knew he shouldn’t be this panicked over this unexpected turn of events, that this tidbit of information didn’t change that much in the grand scheme of things and he could just find a way to spin it around like he always did – but this sudden splash of truth in his sea of lies was spreading like ink, tainting all the pre-planned excuses and talking points he had prepared.

Seeing Hongjoong standing right here in his real world, away from the dreamlike second life he’d tried to keep outside these walls, was making his (already weak) resolve come crashing down like a house of cards as he realized this moment was going to forcibly manifest the conversation he’d been avoiding into existence.

He couldn’t keep running away from this now, there was nowhere for him to go.

The inevitable had happened. 

Time had caught up to him, and everything he had left for Future Seongwa to deal with was now laying right in front of his present self. 

He finished up the drinks completely on autopilot and turned around to place them on the counter, smiling at the men standing on the other side one last time while carefully avoiding direct eye contact with Hongjoong, even if he could still feel the other man’s heavy gaze on him.

“Two large Americanos and one medium latte to go. Enjoy!”

He could also feel Yeosang’s eyes on him as Seonghwa exchanged some polite pleasantries with them before they finally left, gaze subtly jumping between them while clearly trying to make sense of the weird tension and put the pieces together.

“What the fuck was that?” asked his friend the moment the trio walked out of the door. “You looked like you had seen a ghost, I thought you were going to pass out for a second!”

His phone vibrated in his pocket at that very moment, and the fact that he knew who it was even before he pulled it out to read the notification made him choke back a sob.

“That was the thing I didn’t want to talk about earlier,” replied Seonghwa, too shaken up to even pretend to try to brush it off as he unlocked his phone.

“What?”

KHJ
What time are you off?
Can we talk after?

He swallowed through the tightness of his throat as his hands trembled violently around the device, heart pounding while he reread the questions over and over again, the dizzying realization hitting him so hard again that he had to close his eyes just to fight the urge to cry.

“Seonghwa, what do you mean?”

“Yeosang, please. I can’t do this right now. I really fucking can’t,” he exclaimed, voice shaky and foreign even to his own ears. “I need a moment.”

He didn’t even wait for his friend’s reply before rushing into the backroom and making a beeline for the staff restroom to lock himself inside, tears slipping out the moment he closed the door behind him, choked sobs following right after when the panic he’d been trying to hold back crashed into his chest.

Seonghwa was almost paralized by the flood of guilt that spilled over as he considered simply blocking Hongjoong to avoid this conversation altogether, blatant selfishness telling him to run away without looking back even if he knew he owed the other man the truth after everything they had gone through together.

This wasn’t supposed to happen like this, he wasn’t ready to bare the only part of himself Hongjoong hadn’t seen yet, wasn’t ready to look into his eyes and come clean about the lies he’d thrown his way or even lie to him even more just to spare both of them the pain.

He had been stupid enough to believe he could just indulge in the ecstasy and the money while pushing everything else onto Future Seonghwa, thinking that version of himself would have the courage to surgically break things off and then move on to handle the heartbreak without falling apart at the seams.

Somehow, he had genuinely fooled himself into thinking he would actually someday become the kind of person who could do what he always knew he needed to do, but the truth was that there was no Future Seonghwa at all – he was just Present Seonghwa, finally standing in the future to face the mess he himself had created.

Yeosang had been right: he had just been burying his head in the sand and pretending nothing was happening, letting all his problems build up until his own actions inevitably caught up to him to make him crumble under the pressure.

Just like he always did.

The truth was that there was never any Future or Past versions of himself he could blame all his problems on, he was just the same old Seonghwa making the same old mistakes.

And there was nothing he could do to fix what he had done now, he could only stand in front of Hongjoong and look him in the eye to confess what he should have confessed in that love motel the very first night they met, never giving them the chance to have this mess escalate into the impending heartbreak it had become.

Seonghwa had spent months making up hundreds of possible scenarios of how this conversation could go down in his head, ranging all the way from explosive outbursts to quiet understanding and the promises of a happy-ever-after, but by now he knew the other man well enough to suspect that the reaction would probably lean more towards devastating quietness than violent blast.

And that response, that potential look of silent betrayal shining in Hongjoong’s solemn eyes, cut way deeper into his soul than any type of insult lazed with rage ever could.

–

The rest of his shift went by in a dizzy fog.

Seonghwa could only vaguely recall what had happened after he’d walked out of that bathroom, his body going through the motions when he replied to Hongjoong’s text before putting on a customer service smile and working with mechanical precision on drink after drink under Yeosang’s careful eye as the minutes went by.

His friend hadn’t mentioned what had happened again, keeping all their conversations strictly professional and work-related while he kept sending Seonghwa to the back and away from the register to very obviously reduce his interactions with the patrons, probably afraid that he’d spiral even more and make a scene.

He didn’t know if he should feel grateful or humiliated by that, but his throat refused to cooperate with him every time he tried to talk to Yeosang during the brief moments of peace and quiet during the afternoon rush, tension growing thicker every time his friend brushed past him to silently fix his messes.

By the time the end of his shift finally approached and the café fell into quietness again, Seonghwa’s headache had become a dull and persistent pain instead of the sharp punch it had been before, the exhaustion of keeping himself from falling apart catching up to him when he looked at the clock with fear.

“Go. Just leave already and have whatever conversation you need to have with San’s boss,” said Yeosang without even looking in his direction, voice low and firm. “But I hope you know we are talking about this later, whether you like it or not.”

Seonghwa couldn’t even begin to feel worried about the threat in his friend’s words because his brain was stuck on the first half of his sentence, heart picking up the pace in his chest even more when he realized he hadn’t been as subtle as he had hoped during his interaction with Hongjoong.

“San’s boss?”

“Yeah,” replied Yeosang, looking at him with a mix of frustration and concern before pointing towards the door with his head. “He has been waiting outside for the past ten minutes.”

Seonghwa swallowed and slowly looked through the window to immediately find Hongjoong standing there, wearing the same suit he had been wearing earlier and leaning on a sleek black car that looked entirely out of place parked outside the café, staring at the traffic pass by before he turned to stare directly at him.

He felt his stomach flip when their eyes met, panic bubbling up inside him even when he other man sent a tentative smile his way, making him rush to the backroom to quickly take his apron off with shaky fingers before placing his sweaty hands on the cold surface of the locker to try to calm his erratic heartbeat.

You have to do what needs to be done. Please, be brave for once in your life.

He barely even noticed the heat hitting him after he walked out of the air conditioned shop, too focused on keeping his breaths deep and even while he approached the unfamiliar car and the equally nervous-looking man leaning against it.

“Hi.”

“Hi,” he replied, pushing the single word through the lump in his throat.

“I…I didn’t know if you’d feel comfortable having this conversation at the apartment,” said Hongjoong with the same small smile on his face, clearly trying to come across as calm and harmless. “So I thought it’d be easier if I met you here.”

Seonghwa swallowed again as the lump got big enough to make it hard to breathe, guilt growing even more at the idea that this man was still putting his comfort and feelings before his own even in what must be a confusing situation for him.

“This is my driver, Mr. Min. He’d offer way more privacy and secrecy than any taxi ever could if we needed to relocate,” added Hongjoong while pointing awkwardly towards the man inside the car. “He can take us anywhere you want to go, or I can send him away if you don’t feel comfortable having him around. Whatever you choose.”

Seonghwa maintained eye contact for a bit longer before briefly staring at the driver, who gave a polite nod in response when he noticed his gaze before going back to looking straight ahead again, and he sighed loudly one last time before speaking.

“I actually have my own car here. I’d prefer if we talked in there, just the two of us,” he said quietly, but surprisingly steadily. “And there’s no need to send him away just yet, in case you want to leave at some point during our conversation.”

An emotion he couldn’t pinpoint flashed behind Hongjoong’s gaze when he said that, so quickly that Seonghwa almost felt like he had imagined it, before it melted to leave behind the same nervous restraint he had been showing since they made eye contact inside the café hours ago.

“Lead the way.”

He gave an awkward nod in response and started walking towards the end of the half-empty parking lot, forcing the embarrassment down when he wordlessly unlocked the old beat-up Kia and gestured to the other man to follow him inside, sitting in the driver’s seat while Hongjoong settled in the passenger side after the doors closed behind them with a loud sound.

Seonghwa stared at the dashboard and wrapped his fingers around the steering wheel after turning the AC on, just to have something solid to anchor himself to as the silence grew heavier inside the confined space, feeling the man’s eyes fixed on the side of his face while his heart continued to rush behind his rib cage.

“You don’t need to look so scared. I swear I’m not angry, I’m just…” murmured Hongjoong, voice quiet but clear. “Confused. I have some questions and needed to see you in person as soon as possible so I could ask them, that’s all.”

He flinched slightly at the careful tone in the man’s demeanor, quickly realizing that the was being extra careful with him because he didn’t want to trigger Seonghwa into having another panic attack, that he was giving him control of the situation since he was half-aware of the trauma Junhyung had left behind even if he didn’t know the details.

Because that was the kind of person Hongjoong was, someone who never hesitated to treat him with the highest level of care and tenderness, even during the days when Seonghwa was just supposed to be the prostitute he saw every other week.

Because that was the kind of person Hongjoong was, someone who didn’t deserve to have even more rehearsed lies thrown to his face just because the truth would hurt him in ways he didn’t deserve.

Seonghwa’s grip tightened around the wheel for a brief moment before letting go of it altogether, mustering all the courage in his body to turn in his seat and stare directly into the man’s unsure and guarded eyes for a few seconds as he nodded.

“I promise I will answer any question you have truthfully.”

Hongjoong stared back in silence, eyes moving back and forth on his face like he was debating where he should start, before exhaling loudly and also turning to his side so their bodies were angled towards each other as they spoke.

“How long have you been working at this coffee shop?”

Seonghwa blinked a few times while the noise coming from the AC filled the air, forcing himself to get over the shock of having that as the first question so he could fulfill his promise of full honesty.

“A couple of months,” he replied.

“A couple of months,” repeated Hongjoong under his breath, almost like he was talking to himself before nodding slowly. “What about your co-worker? The guy who took our order today. Who is he to you?”

Every muscle in Seonghwa’s body tensed up even more as he recalled all the times he had referred to Yeosang as his client, the temptation to keep lying just to avoid opening Pandora’s box threatening to take over for a moment before it quickly disappeared under a sudden rush of determination.

“He’s my friend,” he explained, words coming out without hesitation. “He has always been. I…I lied about him being anything more than that.”

That unrecognizable emotion flickered behind Hongjoong’s eyes again, but the rest of his body remained completely immobile while he processed what Seonghwa had just said before finally averting his gaze to look through the windshield instead.

“Why?”

“Because you assumed he was a client that day at the bar, and it was easier for me to just follow along. Because letting you believe he was my client was much easier than explaining…” he began saying before exhaling slowly, fingers trembling as he gripped the hem of his t-shirt. “Everything.”

Heavy silence filled the car once again, tense but not heated, and Seonghwa suddenly felt like he was stuck in a weird limbo between fiction and reality: he had spent so many hours going over all the possible scenarios, over all the possible reactions and comebacks, that it almost felt like this was just his imagination and they weren’t actually here.

“Have you ever had any other clients?” asked Hongjoong in a guarded and composed tone, still looking at the street through the glass. “Besides me.”

Seonghwa opened his lips just to find himself unable to utter the single word that would open the floodgates and release all the lies he had carefully kept inside, the word that would expose him as the person who had been pretending to be someone he wasn’t for months.

“No,” he whispered. “Only you.”

He had expected get a visible reaction to his answer, even if it was just a flinch or a gasp, but Hongjoong remained completely frozen while looking through the windshield for a moment longer before he finally looked over to stare at Seonghwa directly in the eye – no sign of sudden realization or shock in his gaze.

Just that same calm indescribable emotion that had spilled from his gaze to take over the rest of his face.

Something in that serene look made something flip inside Seonghwa, the world turning upside down around him as all the gravity inside the car seemed to disappear to make his body float and his organs twist around in the most violent and unpleasant way.

“You already knew.”

His chest constricted when he suddenly recognized what that apparent calmness actually meant, words coming out of his mouth before his brain could even properly process the sentiment behind it, the realization triggering a hot volatile feeling inside him that was rushing quickly towards the surface.

“I didn’t know for sure,” admitted Hongjoong in the same calm tone. “But I had my suspicions.”

The confirmation hit Seonghwa like a punch to the stomach, leaving him breathless and disoriented as the familiar weight in chest quickly expanded and crawled up his throat to become an ugly and overwhelming mix of anger and guilt, both of them fighting to be the first one to take over.

“How long have you known?” he finally managed to ask, voice shaky. 

“I genuinely thought you were an actual escort the first time we met, but then I started to notice that some things didn’t add up when I looked back to that interaction in hindsight. I figured I was probably just overthinking our encounter after I saw you all over that man at the same bar where I picked you up,” added Hongjoong quickly, like he had been preparing for this moment. “But I still felt like something was off even as we entered our bimonthly arrangement. So, when you told me that you actually started doing it because someone offered you money, I realized you were most likely talking about me.” 

Seonghwa’s mind raced as the anxiety that had been bubbling inside him all day finally exploded in a devastating wave that crashed on him violently, making him feel ashamed and stupid when he thought about all the unnecessary guilt that had been drowning him, when he thought about all the tears he had spilt while thinking about the way he had been manipulating this man to extract money from him.

All this time, he had been so sure that he was a monster playing with someone’s emotions just to extract money and sex from them, and yet…

Hongjoong had known all along.

This man hadn’t just known that he’d been lied to since the beginning, he had also played along with it and let Seonghwa foolishly think that he was the one in control of the situation when he wasn’t, he had looked into his eyes and pretended that he hadn’t noticed the cracks in the fake persona he had desperately tried to build.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” he asked, throat burning from the effort of holding back the scream that was threatening to spill out.

“I told you, I didn’t know for sure! And I didn’t know if it really mattered, anyway. Perhaps you weren’t an escort the first time we met, but that didn’t mean you hadn’t actually become one after I had planted the idea in your head. We both know that this thing between us is something much deeper than that, but, by the technical definition…” explained Hongjoong, gaze never leaving his own while he talked. “Well, you are an escort.”

The heat in his chest grew heavier and hotter the more the other man spoke, guilt flaring up brightly one last time inside him before the anger finally crushed it down and took over to rush over to his mouth, spilling out like the words were being physically pulled out of him.

“You’re pathetic, Seonghwa.”

“Did you have fun?” he said, voice sharp and bitter as the question cut its way up his throat to escape. “Huh? Did you like using your money to manipulate me so you could get what you wanted from me?”

Hongjoong’s eyes widened slightly in shock at the uncharacteristic outburst, a surprised look that only made Seonghwa feel even angrier as a snort and a humorless laugh left his lips while his hands started to shake even more.

“You knew I wasn’t a real prostitute, and you still went along with it because you wanted access to my body. Did you enjoy making fun of the poor idiot who has so broke that he was willing to fuck you for money? I bet you had a good laugh at my expense.”

“That’s not true, Seonghwa,” replied Hongjoong immediately, the shock on his face disappearing to be replaced by something that almost looked like pain. “And you know it.”

“You’re pathetic, Seonghwa. You truly think you deserve something better just because you put on the little doting housewife act, even though we both know you suck at it.”

“You held something you knew I needed over my head to get sex from me whenever you wanted it,” he shouted, tone raising so much that it echoed inside the enclosed space. “You lied to me! You manipulated me!”

“You suck at most things, to be honest. Sex is the one single area where you truly excel at.”

“So did you!!”

He flinched when Hongjoong’s cracked words finally managed to overpower Junhyung’s voice inside his head, rage immediately dying down when he noticed the raw pain on the man’s face as his eyes grew shinier with unshed tears.

“I could say the exact same thing to you, Seonghwa. I could say that you were the one who decided to go along with my dumb assumption first. I could say that you were the one using your body to get millions upon millions from me. I could say you were the one laughing at my expense because I was the stupid virgin who fell for your lie to begin with.”

He exhaled loudly when the first tear rolled down the man’s face to be quickly followed by more, voice growing quieter and more choked up even after he took a deep breath to keep talking.

“And for a while, that’s what I believed. I thought you were deceiving me because you wanted my money, and I gladly let you do it because I had never felt anything like this before. Being with you is addictive, Seonghwa. It feels euphoric and cathartic, and I’m not even talking about the sex here,” explained Hongjoong before letting out a broken laugh. “Not completely, at least. I liked you so much that I was willing to fool myself into pretending you felt the same way. Because you made it feel so natural, so believable, that it was so incredibly easy to just …play along.”

Seonghwa could feel his own tears sliding down his jaw now, all the rage and guilt and shame that had been consuming him evaporating until all was left was pure exhaustion and the vulnerability of finally being completely exposed, of baring themselves to each other to openly admit that they were both equally fucked up.

Of admitting that they were both filthy liars who had been pretending to not see the obvious reality in front of their faces because of their own selfish reasons.

“But you weren’t faking it, right? You weren't pretending to care about me just to get my money,” added Hongjoong, his gaze searching for some on Seonghwa’s face. “At least not now, there’s no way you’re pretending now. I can see it in your eyes when you look at me, I can feel it in the way you touch me. You care about me just as deeply as I care about you.”

Seonghwa clenched his jaw and squeezed his eyes tightly shut just to escape that pleading gaze, the desperation in the other man’s voice twisting his insides all over again with something that felt very different to the dark feelings that had been consuming him since they walked into the car.

“Don’t,” he whispered, voice barely audible over the loud rush of his blood pulsing in his own ears. “Just stop, please.”

“Admit it. You feel the same way, you lov—”

“Don’t you dare say that word!” exclaimed Seonghwa, panic rising inside him once again.

Hongjoong was leaning over the car console when he opened his eyes again, staring at him with so much yearning that he had to forcibly stop the sob that almost came out of his mouth, and all Seonghwa could do at that was take a deep breath while forcing both his face and his voice into cold detachment that he hoped was sharp enough to hurt.

“Please, stop. You’re embarrassing yourself. Of course I was pretending to care about you. I was sleeping with you for the money, that’s all it has ever been for me.”

His lie was met with silence for a moment as the other man maintained eye contact with him, gaze carefully studying Seonghwa’s face for a few seconds longer before sighing in defeat.

“No, it wasn’t. You’re lying to me again,” said Hongjoong, no sign of pain in his steady voice. “I know exactly what you’re trying to do. You’re a lot more transparent than you think you are.”

His words echoed what Yeosang had said a few hours ago in a way that cut Seonghwa a lot deeper than he would like to admit, especially in a sensitive moment like this one where there were way more pressing issues than his bruised ego or the fact that everyone seemed to see right through him no matter how hard he tried to be stoic.

Hongjoong stared at him for a bit longer after that, waiting for a response that never came for what seemed like a painfully long time, before he finally sighed loudly and opened his bag to grab a familiar envelope that he handed in Seonghwa’s direction.

“We’re launching the new system in a few days so my work in Busan is almost done, which means that our current arrangement is also almost done. Here’s the rest of the money I owe you for keeping me company this month, just like we discussed.”

He stared at it in disbelief, nausea settling in his stomach at the sheer thickness of it and hands clenching into fists at the shameless audacity of this man to bring up the issue of the money during this conversation.

“Why the hell are you giving me that right now?!” said Seonghwa, louder than he had intended. “I don’t fucking want it!”

Hongjoong didn’t react to his outburst, he simply put the envelope down on the console between them with a nonchalant shrug.

“Then donate it or throw it into the trash, I don’t care. It’s your money, whatever you do with it is up to you.”

Seonghwa continued to stare at it like it was something downright evil, throat burning with all the things he found himself unable to say all over again.

“You fulfilled your part of the deal, and I just fulfilled mine. Our arrangement is officially over now that the payment has been done and we don’t owe anything to each other anymore, so…” said Hongjoong before a shy smile appeared on his face. “Can we start over? No more lies, no more money exchange. Just two people who like each other and want to create something beautiful as equals.”

His heart skipped a beat inside his chest, the ever-present pressure growing to engulf everything around it while fresh tears slid down his face at the overwhelming hope in the man’s voice as he tried to tempt Seonghwa into saying yes – into believing that they really could just put everything behind them and start from scratch like nothing happened.

“It’s not that easy.”

“It could be! I’m aware that we royally fucked things up and made things more difficult that they needed to be, but it’s not too late to fix it. All those half-truths and deceptions belong to our former dynamic, it doesn’t have to interfere with the new one,” replied Hongjoong right away, tone growing more desperate as he reached over the console to grab his hand. “I…I think we’re really good for each other. Can’t you feel it? You’ve changed me, I’ve become a better version of myself thanks to you. And I feel like I might have done the same for you? Maybe?”

Seonghwa sighed again as exhaustion grew even heavier, the burden of all the lies and complexities of their messy relationship pressing down on him and threatening to slice through the remaining few defenses he still had left.

“You did. I met you when I was at my lowest low, and you changed my life for the better in so many ways I can’t even list them all,” he admitted, voice quiet and honest. “You didn’t just help me put food on my table and a roof over my head, but you also helped me fix things in myself I didn’t even know were broken. I will never be able to thank you enough for that.”

There was nothing he wanted more than to let himself go once again, indulging in the euphoric and cathartic bubble Hongjoong had described to pretend that everything was fine, to simply let himself enjoy the present and leave Future Seonghwa to deal with all the potential consequences.

But the guilt and pain he had been dealing with were still too fresh in his mind, the raw wounds too bloody to let him forget about the sleepless nights spent tearing his own self apart, and he couldn’t simply ignore the bright light that was pointing to the shaky foundation that would threaten any healthy relationship they tried to build on top of it.

Seonghwa had betrayed both of them for way too long in the name of selfish greediness and hedonism, but for the first time since they met, he felt enough bravery and confidence to try to right all his wrongs and take control of the situation to do what needed to be done.

“See? Let’s just give it a try, we would be so good together,” said Hongjoong, visibly growing more desperate as the words spilled out of his mouth. “It doesn’t have to be right now! We can take some time to heal and recoup, and then come back to this when you’re ready. I can wait.” 

Seonghwa forced himself to maintain eye contact even if he could feel himself crying even harder now, something that made the other man tear up again like he knew exactly where this speech was heading.

Maybe I really am as transparent as they say.

“Please…”

“I’m really sorry, Hongjoong. No man has ever treated me with this much respect and kindness before, nobody has ever cared for me the way you have. You’re an amazing person and I know you’d be an amazing partner, everything I’ve ever dreamed of and more,” explained Seonghwa before making a brief pause, too choked up to continue. “But I can’t be the person you deserve right now, even if it hurts to admit it out loud. I’m such a mess that I’m not even fully aware of how much of a mess I am sometimes. I’m so deeply fucked up that I keep finding new gaping wounds every time I peel another layer inside me, hidden wounds that will randomly start bleeding when I least expect them to.”

A small broken sound left Hongjoong at that, lips trembling as he cried silently, eyes never leaving Seonghwa’s as quiet understanding mixed with the pain in his gaze while visible resignation settled on his face.

I love you, I really do, but I need to learn how to love myself even more.

“I love having you in my life, I really do, but I need to learn how to heal those wounds by myself.”

The other man let out a sob that turned into a sigh before he dried his eyes with his sleeve, hands curling into fists and jaw tightening as he looked through the windshield once again, looking so tense that Seonghwa started to brace himself for another upcoming argument.

“I get it,” said Hongjoong after another moment of silence, a bitter and broken laugh escaping his lips as he looked into his eyes again. “As much as I hate it, I really do get it.”

Seonghwa sighed with relief, muscles loosening up to highlight the pressure in his chest as they looked at each other.

“Right person, wrong time,” he murmured, voicing the words that had been playing on a loop inside his brain since his conversation with San.

Hongjoong let out a tired chuckle at that before giving him a small bittersweet smile and looking away to stare at the street through the windshield once again.

“Yeah, I guess it’s something like that.”

Silence fell around them again as the distant hum of the AC and the cars passing by broke it every now and then, stretching between them thick and heavy but weirdly comfortable considering they were both still silently crying while they tried to compose themselves enough to finish the conversation.

Hongjoong turned to look at him after the tears had finally stopped flowing, eyes slowly moving over his face like he was memorizing every detail while Seonghwa did the same in return, both of them fully aware that this was probably the last time he’d see each other.

“Can I ask one more thing from you? Promise that you’ll really try your best to be happy, even when it’s hard. Promise that you’ll fight to heal your wounds so you can become the person you’re supposed to be. Promise me that you’ll allow yourself to be loved the way you deserve to be loved when the right time comes.”

Seonghwa chuckled wetly and nodded slowly in response, feeling the composure he had managed to gather slowly cracking inside him as tears clung to his eyelashes once again, body leaning over the console before he could stop himself to wrap his arms around Hongjoong to engulf him in a tight embrace.

“I promise I will,” he replied into the man’s shoulder, voice raw and hoarse from all the crying. “Promise me that you will finally stand up to your family and put yourself first too. Tell them to go fuck themselves and leave without looking back. Promise me you’ll go overseas and study fashion, just like you’ve always wanted. Promise me that you’ll find a wonderful man who can show you what healthy love feels like.”

Hongjoong laughed. “I promise.”

The silence lingered a bit longer after the promises were made, filling the space for a brief moment as they hugged tightly before Seonghwa finally let go to move back to his seat, fingers gripping his own thigh to stop himself from reaching over a second time.

“I should leave.”

He nodded and maintained eye contact when Hongjoong lingered for a few extra seconds before finally opening the door and walking outside, standing next to it with clear hesitation for a moment longer as he leaned over slightly to look at him.

“Take care of yourself, Seonghwa.”

He nodded again in response, feeling the restraint that was barely holding him together crack even more.

“You too,” he replied, voice tight.

Hongjoong gave him one last look before gently closing the door behind him, immediately heading over to the spot where his driver was presumably still waiting with steady and determined steps, never looking back at Seonghwa again before he disappeared around the corner.

A new kind of silence fell inside the car as Seonghwa let out a loud whimper before bursting into tears once again, all the resolve and courage he had mustered crumbling down to let the pain and guilt shatter his heart, fingers shaking around the steering wheel as he gasped loudly for air while he sobbed.

He had done it.

He had come clean in what was probably the best case scenario he could have ever hoped for.

He had taken one for the team to put what was best for both him and Hongjoong first, for once.

He should be feeling proud of himself for finally taking charge of his own future and begin taking the steps he needed to follow to become the person he was supposed to be.

But all he could feel in that very moment was the painfully familiar ache of losing the man he loved, pulsing way sharper and brighter inside him than any sense of pride and self-esteem ever had.

–

Seonghwa didn’t know how long he spent crying in that parking lot, but the sky was much darker when he finally felt stable enough to turn the engine on.

He drove home on autopilot, feeling completely drained and emotionally detached while his body took him through vaguely familiar streets and distant headlights blinking around him, fingers aching from how firmly he was holding onto the steering wheel.

The lonely silence in the car had gotten a bit less suffocating by the time he came to a stop in front of his apartment building, vision blurry as he stared at the entrance door for a moment while allowing himself to breathe the lingering scent of Hongjoong’s cologne, before his eyes finally wandered towards the rearview mirror to look at his own reflection.

He looked like absolute shit, face bright red and puffy even if he hadn’t shed a single tear since he left the café, and he knew there was no way his roommates wouldn’t be able to tell something was up the moment he walked through the door.

Seonghwa took several deep breaths before picking his things up (including the evil envelope) and getting out of the car, walking into the building and the elevator with heavy feet that seemed to weigh a ton as they took him down the hallway to his apartment.

His fingers felt numb as they fumbled with his keys until he finally managed to slide them into the hole after some effort, the murmur of voices he could hear coming from somewhere inside the house stopping the moment he closed the front door behind him.

“Seonghwa?”

Wooyoung’s concerned voice carried from the living room into the foyer, and he didn’t even took his shoes off before following it, finding his best friend sitting on the couch next to Yunho and Yeosang – all three of them staring up at him with obvious tension in their posture and clear sympathy on their faces.

“I did it,” said Seonghwa, voice surprisingly steady as he spoke. “It’s over.”

He was vaguely aware that his nails were digging into his palms as he forced himself to remain rooted exactly where he was, knowing that he would completely fall apart all over again the moment any of them touched him.

“Oh, Hwa…”

He felt his throat tightening again as Wooyoung got up to rush towards him, immediately wrapping his arms around him to pull him into a tight embrace, hands running over his back as Seonghwa felt the last thread that was holding him together snap.

“Wooyo,” he muttered before letting out a pained sound, fingers clutching his friend’s t-shirt as his body collapsed to take him down with him.

“Shhh, it’s alright. You don’t need to say anything right now.”

Seonghwa started crying again, the sounds coming out of his mouth raw and broken, and he had a sudden and embarrassing sense of deja vu when he realized that their current predicament mirrored the exact scenario that had gone down the day he broke up with Junhyung.

And he absolutely hated how pathetic that realization made him feel.

Another wet sigh made its way up his throat when he felt a new set of fingers resting on his shoulder, its weight solid and warm in a way that made Seonghwa tighten his grip on Wooyoung’s shirt.

“It’s going to be okay,” added Yunho softly as he took over running a comforting hand down his back. “You did the right thing. We’re here for you.”

He let out a choked up snort at that, fully aware that his friend was trying to reassure him by saying that, but feeling like the truth behind the statement didn’t really help soothe the ache inside Seonghwa’s chest.

They stayed like that for a while, sitting on the floor in silence as his breathing slowed down, face buried in Wooyoung’s shoulder while two pairs of hands continued to draw a comforting path down his back as empty exhaustion took over him all over again.

“Hey,” said Yeosang, voice coming from somewhere close by. “Why don’t you take a warm shower while we order some food? We can watch Spaceship Wars after.”

Seonghwa couldn’t help but laugh at that, the sound feeling almost strange and out of place coming out of his mouth, warmth flickering inside when he finally moved back to stare at his friends.

“Star Wars,” he whispered before rubbing his hand on his face.

“Sounds like a plan,” added Yunho. “If watching space knights fighting with laser swords helps heal you from heartbreak, then so be it.”

“I’m in,” said Wooyoung, eyes kind and understanding. “So, what do you say? Warm shower, strawberry ice-cream, and Star Wars?”

He stared back at them for a second, knowing that his friends could simply walk away with a clear conscience after collectively having warned Seonghwa that he would end up in this very same situation many times before, and yet they had still chosen to sit on the floor next to him with unwavering love and patience in their gaze.

The tightness in his chest grew bigger again, not with the kind of fullness that came from the burden of guilt or the pain of a heartbreak, but the one that came from the validating feeling of being seen and loved for who he truly was.

The one that came from the knowledge that he wouldn’t have to go through this alone, even if he had been the one who fucked up despite the warnings.

Seonghwa sighed one last time as his gaze jumped from one face to another, three sets on eyes fixed on him while they waited patiently for his answer like they had all the time in the world – and he couldn’t help but smile when that sight loosened the knot inside his chest just a tiny bit.

It’s going to be okay. You did the right thing.

“Deal.”