Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Alec nods through the inspector's stream of words. The man clearly feels superior to him, alpha-splaining things to Alec that he learnt in his freshman year at college. He smiles anyway, accepting the slightly condescending description of his own work. But if that's what it takes for Magnus to get the permit to reopen the Pandemonium after the big reconstruction done based on Alec's plans, so be it.

“Your use of the space is very imaginative,” the inspector says. Towards Magnus. Alec can barely suppress an eye roll.

“Well, I only had the space, my wonderful architect had the vision,” Magnus replies without missing a beat.

It's flattering, but they both know that this was a team effort. Magnus never misses an opportunity to let him shine, however. He's been his greatest cheerleader over the past two years. And long before that.

“Maybe I should find a diligent omega, too. It surely made the whole ordeal way cheaper,” the inspector says and puts his signature under the approval certificate.

Alec can feel a surge of anger coming from Magnus’ side of the bond. He puts his hand on the small of his alpha's back and gives the inspector his most winsome smile.

“I'm sure you will find a fitting mate,” Alec says sweetly. He doesn't care what that alpha thinks. He won't change a knothead's mind on a single occasion. It's not worth risking the permission. The big opening party is already planned for. Magnus would lose a lot of money if anything torpedoed his tight schedule. Being defended by his alpha isn't really high on Alec's priority list. He just needs this meeting to be over.

He's so damn tired, and the scent of the inspector is torturing his olfactory nerves. He can't remember a single alpha smell that bad to him in a very long time.

Thankfully, Magnus gets the hint and quirks a smile as he takes the papers from the other alpha's hands.

“You could come to our big opening,” he says, sweet as wild honey. “I'm sure there will be plenty of potential partners to choose from.” He pushes a leaflet into the other alpha's hand and shows him to the door.

Alec slumps down on one of the stools at the bar and quirks a smile at Maia behind it.

“Tough day?” the barkeeper asks.

Alec shrugs. “Normal, but I'm tired.”

“Is anything with the pups?”

Alec shakes his head. “No. I'm just restless. Having it all comes at a price. And my surprise heat made the last two weeks a little more stressful than it would've been anyway.”

“I can imagine. But the inspection went through, right?”

Alec chuckles. “Yes. With flying colours and ringing notes.”

“Congratulations! I knew you could do it,” the feisty omega smirks.

“My first solo project,” Alec says, pride spreading in his chest. It's not only on his side, it also comes over the bond from Magnus. Alec can smell it, too, his alpha's scent soothing the edges of his fraying soul. Alec doesn't even know why he's so knackered. He got eight hours of sleep last night. Uninterrupted sleep. Since the boys built their own nest on Rafael's bed, they only seldomly return in the middle of the night, waking him up. Morning cuddles are mandatory, of course, but other than that, the family nest is Magnus and his alone.

“If that doesn't earn you a partner offer…” he hears Magnus’ voice from behind.

“It's only one finished project, babe.”

“It's a prestige project, and Lydia said there's a free spot,” Magnus states. “Maia, I think it's time for a celebration. Mix us some Piña Coladas, please.”

“It's 11 in the morning,” Alec says, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh, it's happy hour somewhere, my love,” Magnus smirks. “Make them virgins,” he adds towards Maia with a wink of his eye.

“Coming right up, boss,” she says.

Alec quirks a smile at her as Magnus sits down next to him.

“Seriously, Alexander. It's time to take this step. You're more than ready.”

Alec suppresses a sigh. He had postponed that conversation, but with just another heat over and no shift in his scent proclaiming a pregnancy, he supposes, Magnus is right. They tried to conceive. They failed. He's probably too old or his last pregnancy left undiagnosed damage. He should start planning his future now, one that doesn't include more pups. But it's hard. He had been elated when Magnus finally agreed to it. His alpha doesn't seem to be bothered by it at all. He surely didn't cry lonely tears over it, covering them up with pretending he was watching a sad movie when his alpha called him in worry.

To this day, they've never closed their bond. It's a constant presence, a comforting one. Granted, it's often only in the background now, only big emotions sloshing over. As it should. Neither of them would get anything done if it were like at the beginning when Alec did not always know if he had feelings of his own or only second-hand emotions from Magnus. He can zoom in on the bond, of course, if he concentrates. But he barely spies on his mate. They trust and love each other. And Magnus is his own man. So is Alec.

“What's wrong?” Magnus asks, a frown pulling on his eyebrows. “You seem… exhausted.”

Alec gives him a lopsided smile. “I am.”

“You should lie down then. You know how comfortable the sofa in my office is,” Magnus offers.

“Nah. I gotta go back to work, and a nap won't cut it,” Alec says and takes the cocktail glass from Maia's hands. He raises it to Magnus.

“To us,” he says.

“To us,” Magnus repeats with the proudest of smiles. “This has come together nicely. I can't wait for the public to see it,” he says after taking a sip, eyes roaming over the club.

“I hope it'll bring you the revenue you were hoping for,” Alec says. Magnus invested so much money. It would be terrible if it were to end up as a pet project without obtaining a return.

“It will. I'm sure of it. Enough to buy you a partnership,” Magnus says.

Alec feels anger forming in his gut but he pushes it away before it can spill over into the bond. It's not Magnus’ fault that his original plans fell through. That his body failed him, once more. Because it is his fault. They got Magnus tested. If he had a proper omega, he'd already be a father by now. Not that Alec would voice his thoughts out loud. It is what it is, and Magnus is too good of a man to rub salt into the wound. Besides, Magnus loves their pups as if they were his own. That's a fact. But Alec sees the looks, the pity in the eyes of family, friends, and acquaintances. He's not stupid. Two years after bonding, as true mates at that, is a damn long time not to have offspring to show for. Maybe that's why Magnus is pushing him gently on the career ladder. If Alec were a well-established businessman, no one would question why their family isn't expanding. It would look like a choice and not an irony of fate.

It's not that Alec doesn't want to become a partner. It's just that, once again, he has no real choice. It's a logical step, having a withered uterus and a supportive mate. However, it would be by the grace of Magnus. Unless they sell the house and move over to Magnus’ place. At least, that would be his choice to make. His alpha hasn't pushed once, even though he has to go over to exchange his wardrobe every few weeks, the fashionista that he is. There isn't that much space in Alec's old fitted wardrobe.

“Alexander?” Magnus’ voice cuts through his brooding. “Are you sure you're not coming down with something?”

Alec chuckles. “Yeah, I'm alright. I should just get some groceries on my way home and cook for a change. We've lived off takeaway and ready meals for too long.”

“There's no shame in feeding our family like that. You're a working father, and so am I. It'll all go back to normal after the re-opening. You'll see.”

Alec nods and downs the rest of his cocktail before getting up. There's no use in postponing going back to work. Maybe he can clock out earlier if he manages his quota. A man can dream.

“See you tonight?” Alec asks.

“I'll try to make it home for dinner,” Magnus promises. Alec knows he will. Family meals are holy to his alpha, and they try to have at least one every day.

Alec shrugs into his jacket and grabs his briefcase. “I'll make tortellini bake,” he says. It's not really cooking, but with a side salad, it will feel like it.

“I can't wait,” Magnus says and accepts the goodbye kiss that Alec presses on his lips, cupping his neck right over the mating bite.

“Bye, Maia,” Alec calls before he leaves the club, walking straight to the next subway station. If he has lunch on his desk, he might even have time to drop by their favourite bakery and buy a piece of each of their favourites: cherry for Magnus, apple for himself, blueberry for Max and pecan for Rafael. Yeah. He'll do that. They have a reason to celebrate, after all.

It's a new beginning. Alec may not get everything he ever wanted, but he has everything he needs.

Chapter Text

“How did it feel?” Lydia asks, leaning against Alec's desk, a shit-eating grin on her face.

“Good,” Alec says evenly, but his slowly curling lips betray him.

“You did phenomenally.”

“I did my job,” he deflects.

“The club had some very challenging, unforeseeable features,” Lydia insists. “And you mastered them all.”

“I couldn't let my mate down, could I?”

Lydia chuckles. “You can tell yourself it was just that all you want, Alec. But you've proven your diligence since the day you started your internship here. You're my best man, and you know it.”

Alec quirks a lopsided smile. Yeah. He knows that. Despite his lost years. His mother might have set him on this path, but he put in the work and is good at his job. Would he have chosen something else if he hadn't still hoped to earn her favour despite presenting as the wrong gender?

Who knows. It doesn't matter. Architecture is the only thing he ever excelled in. And it's the only option going forward. Being a stay-at-home omega isn't what he wants to be. Not with his boys growing so fast. Soon, they won't need him to pick them up from school or drive them to their training. And with an alpha like Magnus, he doesn't have to do it all on his own anyway.

“Well,” Alec starts, not really sure what else to say. He's not full of himself. He knows that some of his colleagues are gossiping behind his back that he only got this project because he slept with the client. It was the other way around, actually. Alec insisted on tasking Lydia's architecture firm with it. It was too important to risk failure doing it freelance as Magnus had suggested. It was Lydia who assigned the job to him. Magnus probably asked, but neither of them ever spoke about it. Alec had a job to do. That was all that mattered.

“I spoke with Blackthorn, Verlac, and Rosales. They are very impressed with your work, Alec.”

Here they go. Anxiety and cautious excitement swirl through his stomach. Magnus was right with his prediction.

“I'm glad to please my bosses,” Alec says, heart in his mouth.

“We're more than pleased, Alec. We meant to offer you the vacant partner job.”

Meant to.

Alec swallows hard. He should have known.

“I suppose Herondale and Montclaire didn't agree,” he says flatly. He knew right from the start that this could become tricky, but he decided to swallow his Lightwood pride and work his ass off, intending to make them forget about who his mother was. They hate Maryse. These two also only reluctantly offered omegas jobs in the first place. It was Lydia's father who wore them down over time, and with Lydia being a full partner since he retired, the old guard didn't manage to push back on the progress. But that doesn't mean that they want another omega in their ranks – least of all a Lightwood – even though they ousted Morgenstern and are short one partner. Progress is slow, even here.

“You know they have beef with your mother. It's got nothing to do with you,” Lydia says.

“And still, it's me who's getting punished.”

Lydia nods, face falling.

“We need a unanimous agreement for a new partner, but…” She places a folder in front of Alec, “We need only a majority decision for this.”

Alec opens the folder and skims the text.

“You're offering me the position of department head?”

“Yes,” Lydia smirks.

“What about Aldertree?”

Lydia purses her lips. “He'll go to Boston.”

“Oh, thank god!” Alec says. Working under the beta was a pain in the ass. “But… others have been working here way longer than me. Won't that sow discord?”

“The others are good workers, Alec, but you have visions. And you keep a cool head when shit hits the fan. You blew Verlac away with your ideas for the Miller project. And the way you handled the whole disaster around Valentine…”

Alec huffs a mirthless laugh. Stumbling over the man's deeds of darkness during his internship hadn't been on his bingo card. But it got him a permanent job, so he can't really complain about it.

“And having Sebastian at your side, you can achieve everything here,” Lydia continues.

“Verlac is a good boss. Even better than his old man.”

“He is. And I promise you, we'll work our asses off to get you on the board.”

“When the next partner dies or commits a crime,” Alec says, chuckling.

“Maybe we'll just get two more partners then. The rule is for the board to have an uneven number. And with the firm expanding, the partner numbers will have to expand, too.”

Alec puts the folder down. He doesn't even know why he's disappointed. This will only strengthen his stance amongst the worker bees and the upper floor alike. But Magnus will likely suggest building his own little imperium, not wasting more time on working to enrich others. Not that he would ever say it like that. But all this partner talk has gotten to Alec. He knows Magnus only wants to be a supportive mate. But it's a little overwhelming at times. Not that Alec would voice that either.

“It's a long game,” Alec states.

“But worth playing, don't you think?” Lydia probes gently. She knows him so well.

“I'm just…” Alec breathes a sigh. “Still processing the whole no-more-pups thing.”

Lydia presses her lips to a thin line and nods. She squeezes his shoulder in sympathy.

“But I gotta leave that behind,” Alec adds. “The new position will help with that,” he states, forcing himself to smile.

“I hope it will. I already had the offer on my desk when you went into heat. But you were so hopeful…”

“Yeah. But hope has never gotten me far in my life, Lyd. Only hard work and discipline,” Alec mumbles.

“Don't say that,” she protests.

Alec shrugs. He knows Lydia isn't wrong. His whole second mating is built on the hope that good things can happen to him. Hell, even the whole pregnancy dream was based on it. Without hope, Alec wouldn't have been able to take the risks. He just wanted it all—a pregnancy with a loving, caring alpha, Magnus’ hand on his growing belly, their fingers intertwined during labour, the look of joy and love on Magnus’ face when he'd first hold their babies. Alec didn't allow himself to think about another case of eclampsia, of another pup lying in the preemie unit, of him nearly dying again. If that's not hope, what is?

“It's alright, Lyd. Thank you for this opportunity. I wouldn't have made it this far without you.”

“I'm not so sure about that. You are a force of nature if you put your mind to a task. That's why I wanted you in for years, but Melanie…”

“She wouldn't have liked the idea one bit.”

“She didn't,” Lydia agrees. Alec's mouth runs dry.

“You asked her?”

Lydia nods. “When we started our equality programme. She said Max was too little.”

“He was.”

“He was going to start preschool soon. I could've bent the rules a little.”

“Why didn't you tell me before?”

Lydia sighs. “You had it hard enough. What good would it have done to tell you that your alpha didn't want you to work?”

“Wouldn't have been news to me,” Alec huffs.

“There's a difference between knowing and knowing.”

Alec chuckles. “It's all in the past. I took the fast lane. Thanks to you and Magnus.”

Lydia worries her bottom lip. “This,” she says, tapping her finger on the proposal, “you earnt for yourself. You don't need an alpha or an influential friend to build a name for yourself. If your mother hadn't been blinded by her alpha arrogance, everyone would talk about Alexander Gideon Lightwood.”

“Now you're just flattering me, Lyd.”

“I'm not,” she says and stands up. “I gotta catch my flight.”

“Will you make it to the great opening night? You're on the VIP list.”

“Yeah. Can't wait to dance the night away with your beau.”

Alec chuckles. He knows they will. And he will sit at the bar, watching them. And Izzy and Simon, Clary and Jace, Catarina and Fernando—their whole big pack minus the Gray-Carstairs, who will babysit all their pups in one big sleepover. Alec owes them a big one. But after they already agreed to take Madzie, who's been living with Catarina for over a year now, Alec didn't feel too bad about accepting their offer. He deserves a night out, a night with his mate. And who knows? Maybe he'll actually dance with Magnus again. He didn't step on his toes during their wedding dance, after all.

He looks at the picture of them standing on his desk, both proudly showing off their wedding bands and mating bites. It had been a beautiful ceremony, small but tasteful. Even Maryse had nice things to say about it.

“See you then,” Lydia says and pats him on the back before she leaves his cubicle.

Alec opens the proposal. Head. That'll come with a hefty pay rise and his own office. It's a big step, and he's ready for it.

Chapter Text

“Good night, Papa,” Max says and presses a kiss to Magnus’ cheek. He hugs his son tightly and places a kiss on his raven hair.

“Sweet dreams, my blueberry,” Magnus says and smiles to himself as he watches the boy run up the stairs. He breathes a sigh. It's great not to spend hours staying with him and his brother until they both fall asleep, but he misses it a little. They're growing up way too fast. Rafael is ten now. In a blink of an eye, he will be off to college. At least, it feels like that. But not yet. They're still his babies, even though – or because – he didn't know them yet when they were that little.

“I need fifteen dollars for the school trip,” Rafael announces without prelude. Magnus rolls his eyes and gets up from the sofa.

“And you couldn't have mentioned that earlier?” he asks, heading for the hallway.

“I forgot,” Rafael mumbles, looking chagrined.

“Do you need it tomorrow?”

Rafael nods. Magnus sighs, rummaging in the pockets of his coat for his money clip.

“The smallest I have is a tenner,” he says when he finds it.

Rafael snickers. He always does when Magnus falls back on a British term. Magnus’ lips curl into a smile. God, how he loves that kid.

“Alec! Do you have five dollars?” he calls.

“Check my wallet!” comes the answer from upstairs.

Magnus grabs it and rummages through it. He breathes a sigh.

“We're short one buck. Did you spend all your pocket money?”

“No.”

“Would you spot me a dollar?”

“Yes,” Rafael says, grabbing the offered money. He hugs Magnus quickly.

“Good night,” he says and disappears from the entrance hall. Magnus returns to the sofa where he has already queued up the movie he and Alec decided to watch tonight. It's been ages since they last managed an evening together, both busy with the Pandemonium and other work tasks. Even their usual show marathons at the end of Alec's heats had to be cancelled. Alec insisted he could and he had to go back to work. Magnus didn't like the idea, but he had good reasons to return, too. There are only so many decisions he can delegate to his employees so close to the reopening of his club. And Alec can be terribly convincing.

It would have been different if Alec's scent had shifted. But it hadn't. It's probably why Alec couldn't wait to leave their nest. They haven't talked about it yet. Maybe because they both knew that this was their last try. Some things are simply not meant to be.

Magnus would never say it out loud, but if he's completely honest, he is relieved. Yes, he had agreed to try for a baby. He couldn't deny his omega his biggest wish, could he? But the thought of Alec putting himself in danger… The mere thought of it sends a shiver through Magnus’ body.

“What's on your mind, babe?” Alec asks, pushing a glass of wine into his hand.

“Too much,” Magnus deflects, chuckling.

“It'll be a huge success,” Alec says. Magnus quirks a smile, relief washing over him.

“Yes,” he breathes and leans back, his casually outstretched arm on the backrest of the sofa a silent invitation. He loves to be held by his omega, but he's pretty sure that Alec needs it more than him, right now. He's got a lot to process.

“How was work?” Magnus asks after Alec settles against him.

“I signed the new contract.”

“Really? Congratulations!”

Magnus hopes it was the right decision. He's not so sure it is. But it's Alec's life. Magnus is only in for the ride. And he's proud of his omega either way. He's come so far.

“They'll announce it next week, together with Aldertree's departure.”

“Some will celebrate,” Magnus muses.

“Yeah. His arrogance won't be missed.”

They fall into a comfortable silence, both too tired for small talk or deep discussions about the future, so Magnus starts the movie. His fingers play absentmindedly with Alec's hair. It's gotten on the longer side, with no time for a hairdresser appointment. Magnus loves it. It makes Alec look a little softer, the way he allows himself to be around him and their family. Being an omega in the corporate world must be exhausting. All the real and wannabe alphas trying to put him down or ignore his talents, the million pinpricks from colleagues and clients. Magnus wishes Alec would use scent blockers or mask his scent away from home to avoid all that, but ever since Alec started to get comfortable with who he is, he refuses to do it any longer. Magnus is equally proud and worried about it.

Alec is a brave man. Magnus knew and adored that from the start. But it's a double-edged sword. Sometimes, Alec is too strong for his own good, pushing through and shouldering everything on his own. Even three years after their first meeting, Magnus still has to remind his mate that he is there to share his burdens.

Maybe he should ask how he really feels, but Magnus is scared of the honest answer. Maybe he's a coward. Or maybe he trusts that Alec would open up about his feelings if they were rattling him. It's probably not that bad. Alec is a rather rational man. And he's looking forward to his new job. He's going to be alright.

“The lights need to head in the other direction,” Magnus tells the technician. “And use the blue filter over there.”

Magnus waits until the beta follows his orders, nodding satisfied to himself. It's all coming together nicely. Only a few last details and the club will be ready.

“Mag!” a familiar voice comes from behind. He swirls around, pleasant surprise washing over his face.

“Dorothea! What are you doing here?” he asks, greeting his old friend and ex with a kiss on each cheek.

“I ran into Catarina the other day, and she told me about the club.”

“It's great to see you. How long are you planning on staying this time?” Magnus asks, taking her in. She hasn't aged a day since he last saw her.

“I think it's time to settle down for good,” Dorothea smirks.

“That's wonderful! How long has it been? Five years?” Magnus asks.

“Something like that. And a lot has changed,” Dot smirks, ghosting her fingers over the bite on Magnus’ neck. “Didn't think that anyone would ever pin you down, mister,” she teases.

“Well… true mates can be very convincing.” He smiles.

“True mate? Nice. Who is the lucky one?” she asks.

Magnus pulls out his phone, showing her his screen backdrop with a photo of his family. Dot whistles through her teeth.

“And pups,” she says, eyes probing him.

“Alec brought them into the relationship.”

“That's… something. When did you mate?”

“Two years ago.”

The following silence is to be expected by now, and yet, it never ceases to feel uncomfortable.

“Alec is a successful architect,” he says quickly. “He planned the alterations. It looks great, doesn't it?”

Dot looks around. “The club is unrecognisable. I still remember the first opening. We danced the night away. Oh, I miss that. Good dancing alphas are hard to come by,” she says, winking at Magnus.

The alpha chuckles. “Why don't you join us on Friday? I can put you on the VIP list.”

“And your mate wouldn't mind?” she asks, tilting her head.

“Why would he?” Magnus asks and circles around the bar counter.

Alec isn't usually the jealous kind. Confronted with his past omega girlfriend, that may change, however. But there will be so many people. A run-in with an ex is probably unavoidable at some point. At least this time, he can give him a heads-up.

“So… what have you been up to?” Magnus asks over the counter, keeping his hands busy.

“This and that. You know how it is,” Dot says cryptically.

“Anyone special in your life?”

Dot shakes her head. “I've been through a break-up recently. I'm done with men for a while.”

“I'm sorry to hear that,” Magnus says and hands Dot her favourite cocktail. He raises his glass to clink it against hers.

“To new beginnings,” he says.

“To new beginnings and old friendships,” Dot replies.

“Friendship?” Magnus asks. “You used to be pack, Dorothea. What a downgrade.”

“I was pack because you were my alpha, Magnus.”

“Pack is more than hierarchies and intimate relationships. At least mine is.”

Dot worries her lip. “It's been pretty lonely the last few years,” she confesses. “I just wasn't sure… if you could forgive me. I know, I was no Etta, but…”

“All water under the bridge, darling,” Magnus says, waving her off. If he didn't have Alec, it might be different, but he is happy with his mate. He has healed so many things in him, big wounds and paper cuts alike. Dot only left the latter. He's good. And she looks like a lost sheep finally finding their way home.

“I'm glad you see it that way,” Dot says, a small smile playing on her lips. “And I'm happy that you found the one. Will he be there on Friday?”

“Yes. He's not much of a partygoer, so it's a true token of love,” Magnus quips. Dot arches a surprised eyebrow. She was a party girl when they used to date. It was a fun time, not always light but freeing after all the trauma Camille had inflicted on him. That's why it didn't break him when they parted ways. Yes, he was sad, but he could move on from her. She was the right partner at the right time, and that time had come to an end. But if she froze her image of him five years ago, then his true mates pairing must seem weird to her. He's come a long way.

“I can't wait for you two to meet,” he says. He means it. Alec is his pride and joy, and he doesn't often get the opportunity to show off the man who has brought so much bliss, wonder, and happiness into his life. And the boys will love Auntie Dot. She was always great with kids. When the whole opening circus is over, they'll have to invite her over. But first things first.

Chapter Text

Alec leans against the bar, already nursing a headache after five minutes at the club. The beat is drumming through his skull together with the unholy mix of pheromones filling the more and more crowded space. How people can enjoy this, he'll never understand.

“Hey, Alec,” Maia greets him. “What can I get you?”

“An aspirin and a nose clip would be great,” he only half-jokes.

“I have the second-best thing to that,” Maia quips, and it doesn't take long for her to put a drink before him. He doesn't question her wisdom and takes a sip.

“Tastes healthy and spicy,” he says, not really sure how he's supposed to survive this night without alcohol. But she's probably right. This is just the start. As soon as Magnus catches sight of him, he'll drag him around, introducing him to his ridiculously large number of friends and acquaintances. How his alpha can be happy with their little life and the handful of friends Alec has become close with so far is a mystery, but no one will hear Alec complain. Still, tonight is Magnus’ big night. He deserves a mate who pushes his boundaries for him. And afterwards, they'll enjoy the blessing of a child-free morning. Jem said they expected them to lunch at the earliest. They haven't had enough couple time for far too long.

“Exactly what you need,” Maia smirks. “Your family just arrived,” she adds. Alec turns his head towards the entrance and waves over to them.

“This looks a–ma–zing!” Izzy exclaims, throwing her arms around his neck. “You're a genius!”

Alec snorts a laugh.

“It's great,” Jace agrees.

Alec looks over at Simon, expecting a witty remark, but he only smirks at him and pats him on his back. Alec can handle them teasing him much better than this. He's still not used to praise.

“This is such a special place for me and your brother,” Clary says, “and it's even cooler now.”

“All coolness is due to Magnus,” Alec quips.

“Speaking of the devil. Where is your beau?” Izzy asks.

Alec scans the sea of people, finding his mate talking to a woman on one of the raised platforms. Alec squints. Is that Dorothea? She's a brunette like her. Magnus has a type, no matter what gender. Alec takes a deep breath to press away his wolf's knee-jerk reaction before it can spill over into the bond. His animal has been up in arms for a few days now, the smallest things raising his hackles. Trying to calm him now the way Alec usually does was a mistake, though. The scents of dozens of people in his near vicinity only drive his wolf more nuts.

Alec points a slightly shaking finger at his alpha in lieu of an answer. His arm is still in the air when Magnus’ searching eyes find him. Alec can't make out the look on his alpha's face, but the concern coming over the bond is enough to show him he failed in not alerting his mate. Alec tries to push calming vibes over the bond before he turns to his siblings.

“I need some fresh air,” he croaks.

“Are you okay?” Izzy asks, cupping his cheek.

“Yeah. Just my wolf being a bitch. Have fun. I'll come back when he's calmed down.”

“Are you sure?” Clary asks.

“Yeah. Just menopause, probably,” Alec says.

“You're not that old, man,” Simon states. Alec quirks what he hopes to be a believable smile and presses himself through the crowd. He nods at Andrew working the door and takes a few steps away from the long line of waiting patrons. He lets himself slump against the next brick wall and takes a deep breath. His wolf is still running in circles, urging him to go back inside and claim his alpha for everyone to see. He's never that territorial. What the hell is going on?

“Shut up,” Alec murmurs to his wolf.

“That's no way to greet a friend,” he hears Lydia chuckle. Alec huffs a laugh and looks up at his all-dolled-up friend. He hasn't seen her like this since their college years.

“Sorry,” Alec says. “You're looking great!” he adds before hugging her. Her scent throws his wolf for another loop. Alec grunts in frustration. What's wrong with him?

“Alexander?”

Alec's head flips around, his omega quiet for the moment as Magnus’ scent wafts over to him, their eyes meeting. But the reprieve is short-lived. Alec can't stop himself from growling at the woman right at Magnus’ heels.

Magnus freezes in the periphery of Alec's view, the other omega shining like a golden statue. She's perfect, her scent nauseatingly sweet, her dress short, time no enemy of hers.

Another growl leaves Alec as she doesn't move an inch away from his alpha. A quieter, confused whine of his wolf falls from his lips when Magnus slides between him and Dot, an alpha protecting his pack.

“Alec!” Lydia's pleading voice reaches Alec's ear as she grabs his arm. He shakes her off, growling at her. She's in it, too, all prettied up to steal his alpha. Alec doesn't question the thought. His wolf is at the wheel.

He feels his fangs pressing against the inside of his lips. He won't raise his pups without his alpha. He can't do this again.

“Alexander, stop it,” Magnus all but orders. He doesn't use his alpha voice, but the words pull Alec out of his wolf's funk. He shakes his head, trying to push back his omega, but the wolf is fighting him, convinced Dot and Lydia are a threat. What a great first impression he's making.

Alec kind of wishes Magnus would order him for real, force him to his knees with a voice that puts his wolf in place. Because he's losing this fight.

Why can't his wolf just frigging die? He has no use whatsoever. He's only making a fool of Alec, humiliating his alpha.

Tears prick Alec's eyes. What did he tell his pups about omega rage? That it happens when an omega feels like his pups or other loved ones are in danger. But all that Alec is close to losing right now is his dignity and probably the respect of his alpha who he's trying to keep from straying. Which Magnus never would. Alec knows that. Only his wolf didn't get the frigging memo.

Alec meant to take this all in stride. He was even curious to meet Dot. Magnus always talked so positively about her. She's one of Magnus’ good exes in Alec's book, one who didn't leave him heartbroken, who calls on his birthdays and sends funny postcards from around the world. Why is he acting like a hormone-driven teenager? Why is Lydia of all people a sudden threat to his wolf?

A hand wraps around his neck, firm as the voice accompanying it. Alec must have spaced out a little, fangs still sinking into his bottom lip, low growls working out of his chest.

“Omega,” Magnus says, the slightest tinge of alpha voice seeping into the word. Alec exhales in a relieved sob. His wolf isn't done putting up a fight, but he stops for a second, giving Alec room to clear his mind and take inventory of his state. He stumbles backwards, licking his dried lips. They taste like copper. He fights to retract his fangs and for his eyes to return to their usual colour. He succeeds with the first, but his omega isn't willing to let go of the latter, to threaten everyone who might steal his alpha.

Alec looks around, laboured breaths wrecking through his body. Magnus’ face is an unreadable mask of control. The women gape at him, flabbergasted. Alec swallows hard, straightening his jacket with hands that itch to make mince of his enemies. But he's never hit anyone outside of training. This isn't him!

“What did I just do?” he croaks. An awkward silence follows his question. Not even his alpha has a witty reply to ease the tension.

“Maybe we should leave you two to talk about this,” Dot says, looking at Lydia.

Lydia nods. “Yeah. We'll see you inside?” she says, glancing at Magnus.

“Stay away from my mate,” Alec growls, his wolf claiming his tongue again.

“No one is taking your mate away from you, Alec,” Lydia says, retreating with her hands raised placatingly.

“What's gotten into you?” Magnus hisses when their friends are out of sight. The disappointment coming over the bond nearly makes Alec keel over and turns his wolf into a whimpering, whining mess.

“I'm sorry,” Alec presses out, shame washing over him. “I… should go.”

“Alexander,” Magnus says, concern pulling his eyebrows into a frown.

“I'm alright. I just…” Alec can't think of a good reason for his behaviour. Because there is none. “Your guests are waiting, alpha,” he says as firmly as he can muster. He fucking hates this.

“They are,” Magnus agrees, still rooted to the spot. “What just happened?”

“Maybe I'm coming down with something,” Alec mumbles.

“This isn't like you,” Magnus states. Alec knows that. He's cuddly and needy when sick. At least since Magnus came into his life. He's never mean, much less aggressive.

“I should go home,” Alec says. There's no way to fix this quickly. It's best to remove himself before he makes an even bigger scene.

“I can't leave you alone like this,” Magnus says. “You wolfed out.”

“I'm good,” Alec insists. “I'll text you when I'm home, okay?”

Magnus shakes his head in clear disapproval. He fishes his phone out of his pocket and dials.

“Catarina, darling,” he greets when she picks up. “I hate to have to ask you, but…”

“Magnus,” Alec protests. He can't ruin his friend's night out. Since she took in Madzie, she and her mate don't have much couple time either.

“I feel bad enough having to do business right now,” Magnus whispers in his direction, covering the microphone. “Alec isn't feeling well,” he speaks into his phone. “Could you check on him? He'll be in my office. — Thank you. You're the best.”

“Catarina is here to have fun,” Alec tries once more.

“She's the only one I trust with my mate,” Magnus says. That pleases Alec's omega in strange ways. Alec can keep himself from starting to purr just so. He's truly out of whack. He doesn't want to stay, but Magnus’ office is soundproof and well-conditioned. Maybe all the scents tugging on his seams will stay out of it, too. Alec can rest on the couch if it will make his alpha happy. Appease him, more likely. Magnus still hasn't touched him since the usually loathed omega neck-grab. Magnus always touches him in small ways, especially when Alec is off, putting him back together, piece by piece. But not now. It feels like rejection, but his wolf is already on the floor. His wolf knows he fucked up and with him Alec as a whole.

He follows Magnus in silence, the emotions coming through the bond unusually muted. Alec is too exhausted to try to decipher them or to call Magnus out on his unusual behaviour. He has no right to be angry. Nothing of this is Magnus’ fault. It's pretty generous to call a nurse to check on him instead of giving him a dressing down in public. He humiliated Magnus in front of his friend, his ex, his employees and patrons.

“I'll check on you whenever I can,” Magnus promises when he unlocks his office door.

“Don't worry about me,” Alec says.

“I always worry about you. You're my mate,” Magnus says. The words sadly lack the warmth Alec's omega craves. Alec closes his eyes to keep the tears pricking them under control. Magnus stays until Catarina has given Alec a basic check-up, confirming that he's physically okay.

“What happened?” she asks when Magnus is gone, the sympathy in her voice opening the floodgates.

“I don't know,” Alec snivels. “I felt like…” he trails off. This is so pathetic! He's seen Magnus with others a million times, even with people shamelessly flirting with him in front of him. His wolf has not once thrown a fit like that. He knew the alpha wouldn't stray.

“Like?” Catarina prompts gently.

“Like I had to fight for him. It doesn't make any sense.”

Catarina hums noncommittally. “Are you feeling safe in your relationship?”

“Of course, I am,” Alec says, a cold shiver running up his spine thinking about how cool Magnus had acted after.

“I growled at Lydia. She's my best friend. I would never see her as a…” he trails off, remembering. No! That can't be.

“A threat?” Catarina guesses. Alec nods absentmindedly, his mind running a mile a minute.

“I need to go,” he says, getting up from the sofa.

“You promised to stay. Magnus will be worried sick if he doesn't find you here, Alec. Don't make it worse. When Camille wolfed out he…”

“Camille wolfed out?”

Catarina nods. “Several times. The last one took Magnus ages to recover from. It broke them.”

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Alec messed up even bigger than he thought. That woman left scars that might never heal, and he acted like her, close enough at least to pull bad memories to the surface. Why else would Magnus have been so distant? But if what he thinks is right, he might be able to turn this into something good.

“I just need… forty minutes. Tops. Can you keep him from checking on me that long? Please. You said I'm okay.”

“Alec.”

“Please, Catarina. Please. I think I know what happened, but I must be sure.”

Her deep frown doesn't give him much hope, but she nods in the end.

“I'll keep an eye on him. Don't let me regret this.”

“I won't. I promise.”

He pulls her into his arms, giddy excitement bubbling up in his stomach. He tries to keep it down. He doesn't want to pull Magnus’ attention to him.

He slips out of the back entrance and runs to the next drugstore. He pays with trembling hands and returns to the club without Magnus seeing him. The perks of having every corner of this place etched into his memory.

He locks the bathroom adjoining Magnus’ office just in case and studies the instructions on the package. He's never done a pregnancy test before. Omegas usually don't need one. But nothing about their relationship is usual. Everything went a bit differently, didn't it? Why not this, too?

The seconds tick by like molasses, and still, when the alarm goes off, he can't make himself look at the result. This could make or break him. But he's a Lightwood. They break noses and accept the consequences. The old saying will hold true either way.

He takes the test from the shelf and stares at the result.

Pregnant.

Chapter Text

Magnus leans his head against his office door, the handle already in his hand. He takes a deep breath. An hour of socialising hasn't helped to ease the weird feeling that has claimed his body.

‘He's not Camille,’ Catarina's voice echoes in his ears. Magnus knows that she's right. And she knows what happened to him in the past. He's not handling this all too well, but he can't help the way he's feeling, can he?

He takes another deep breath, probing the bond cautiously. Alec feels… excited? It's a lowly thrumming emotion. Suppressed likely. Magnus isn't sure what to make of it. He wolfed out. Magnus had to use frigging alpha voice on him. The guilt connected to it spreads poisonously through Magnus’ veins. Yes, it was just a little. Alec reacted well to it. But if Alec wasn't an omega…

Magnus wills back the tears pricking his eyes. He can't enter the room crying. That might just endorse Alec's wolf's belief that something is wrong. And it is. Magnus is rattled to his bones, feels like running. But he can't, and he mustn't. And still, it's hard to push the handle, to be the strong alpha and talk to his omega without breaking down or getting into a fight.

He's overtly sensible, feeling raw to his soul. He doesn't understand why. Yes, wolfing out has been a trigger for him since childhood, but he is nothing but a good handler of stress. Why can't he calm down? Why is his wolf so adamantly howling to protect and – most importantly – rein in his omega, make him submit for his own good? He's not his mate's superior. And Alec looked as if he were himself again before he left him with Catarina. Magnus shouldn't feel as if his skin is two sizes too small.

Magnus peels himself off the door. He needs to talk to Alec with his head straight on. He is allowed to take a moment for himself until he's ready to face his mate. What are a few more minutes, right? He will understand. And they will both profit from it.

Magnus doesn't get far with his plan, however, as the door opens and Bambi eyes meet his.

“You promised to stay,” Magnus presses out, anger welling up in him. Why can't the omega listen to him just once?!

“I was just going to get a drink,” Alec says, waving with the bill in his hand. “Are you okay?” he asks, concern pulling his eyebrows tight. Magnus swallows hard. Alec isn't his prisoner. Why is he like this?

“Of course I am,” Magnus says, the words forming more from muscle memory than anything else. Are these even his words? Maybe someone else is talking. “How are you?” he asks.

Alec purses his lips. “You're not okay,” he states.

Magnus sighs inwardly. Alec's worry should warm his heart, but…

“I'm sorry,” Alec says when he doesn't react.

“It's gonna be alright,” Magnus says. He wishes he were there yet, that he could just scent his mate and everything would be fine. But Magnus doesn't trust either of their wolves. Something is terribly wrong, and it can't be explained away with stress or nerves. He worked so hard for this day, still has to work his ass off to make sure everything is running smoothly. He also wants to be a good mate for his omega who went off the rails. And he's angry at Alec for breaking something that had just healed. And he's worried about him. And…

“Magnus. C’mere,” Alec murmurs and pulls him into his arms, guiding Magnus’ nose to his neck. Magnus takes a few deep breaths, relaxing somewhat. At least his wolf is calming down. He shouldn't have left Alec's side. But he couldn't touch him, his golden eyes still burning in his mind's eye. They replaced the beautiful memory of their first meeting when they elicited awe. They still do, but more of the old-fashioned kind.

“I'm alright,” Magnus says, struggling to accept the comfort his omega wants to give him. Alec is the source of all of this.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Alec probes. Magnus taught him that open communication is what makes a relationship good, but Magnus can't even find where to start this conversation. What is he supposed to say? That Alec isn't the man Magnus thought him to be? That he once promised himself to break up if a future partner would ever wolf out? That he broke this promise with Camille and paid the price for it? That he never thought he'd have to pull Alec from the ledge of hurting others?

But he can't just leave him. He is his true mate. And their love is special. It's a gift from heaven. And he promised the boys during their wedding ceremony that he would always be their alpha. He wants to be. He loves them so much. And Alec? Magnus has never loved anyone the way he loves him, and he's never been loved the way Alec loves him.

Quo vadis?

“I think I still need a moment to recover before I can address this with a level head, Alexander. Maybe you should go home, after all. I'll be busy till the wee hours,” Magnus says.

“I could try being normal,” Alec offers, quirking an embarrassed smile.

“I can't afford more incidents,” Magnus says matter-of-factly. It makes Alec visibly shrink into himself.

“Of course,” Alec says. Tears make his eyes glitter, flooding Magnus with guilt. But he has no quick solutions for this. It is the mess that it is.

Alec grabs his jacket from the sofa, stalling when he faces Magnus again.

“Will… will you join me in our nest when you come home?” he asks. Magnus swallows hard. Alec looks so small.

“Of course,” Magnus croaks. “Get some sleep, huh? We'll talk in the morning.”

Alec nods. He leans in as if to kiss him, but he stops himself and squeezes Magnus’ hand instead.

“Try to enjoy the night,” Alec says. “I'm truly sorry.”

Magnus nods, knowing that a single word from his lips might make it impossible for him to let Alec leave. He closes his eyes against the onslaught of protest his wolf howls at him, his chest growing tighter and tighter with every second ticking by in which he can't draw a breath.

Magnus waits until the office door falls shut behind him before he starts the tapping regime* his therapist taught him after Camille. He can't break down now. He can't have a panic attack in the middle of opening night. He can't follow his mate either. He's not sure how to get past this, how to stay true to himself in all of this. He'll shoot his therapist a message right when he's done coming off the edge. And then, he'll return to work. He just hopes he won't run into anyone asking him about Alec's whereabouts.

The keys hitting the wood of the sideboard in the entrance hall sound loudly in Magnus’ ear. He hopes he didn't wake up Alec. He's dead tired and the swooshing in his ears is worse than anything he experienced in his long life of being a party animal and a professional.

He kicks off his shoes and stumbles into the kitchen to hydrate himself before he goes to fall into the nest. The light coming from the kitchen ceiling looks off, but it's probably just his exhaustion.

Finally near to his omega, Magnus’ wolf calms down again. Everything smells like home and safety here, as if the past night was just a nightmare he's now waking up from.

The whole night he's felt fuzzy, everything a little frizzled out around the edges. Just like the man standing in the doorway when Magnus turns away from the fridge.

“Did I wake you?” Magnus asks. Alec shakes his head. “Couldn't sleep?” Magnus guesses.

“I tried. I had a couple of hours.”

“And the rest of the night?”

Alec huffs a laugh. “I tried to figure out how to explain myself to you.”

“And did you come up with something?”

Magnus can't think of a single reason that might make this whole ordeal better. There was no danger. This came out of thin air, without warning. It pulled the rug out from under Magnus’ feet, and he's still trying to regain his equilibrium.

Alec shrugs, smiling shyly like a schoolboy. Magnus wishes he could dwell in the lush pink creeping into his mate's cheeks. Alec barely blushes anymore, gotten used to compliments and innuendos by now. But Magnus can't connect to what would elicit butterflies on any other given day. He still feels like he's standing on shaking ground, untethered, dissolving.

“Just the truth,” Alec says.

“You know I'm a huge fan of the truth,” Magnus tries to quip, but he doesn't think it landed.

“Yeah,” Alec says. “I'm…” He giggles. “The reason my wolf took over was because… I'm pregnant.”

Magnus blinks at him. “You're what?” he asks, watching how his own breath is growing laboured.

“I'm pregnant,” Alec repeats, eyes sparkling. “I remembered that I couldn't tolerate unmated omegas around Melanie when I had the boys. Not even friends. Not during my first trimester.” He chuckles. “I looked up why my scent didn't shift. There might be something wrong with my hormones, so I need to get it checked ASAP, but it makes sense, no? The protectiveness of my wolf, that I'm so sensitive to smells, my jealousy…”

“You wolfed out,” Magnus says with a voice that sounds like it’s coming out of a tinny loudspeaker.

“Not fully,” Alec argues.

“Only because I used alpha voice on you,” Magnus says, incapable of keeping bitterness from seeping into his voice. Life truly isn't a linear thing. It's all going in circles. What did he think, hoping to escape the cycle? But he never thought that Alec of all people would try to make a fool out of him.

Alec clenches his jaw, eyebrows twitching, but Magnus puts his wolf on a short leash. He won't succumb to his instincts. He's learnt his lesson.

“I thought you'd be elated,” Alec croaks.

“Why would I be?”

Cold. So cold. Magnus is the master of his emotions, locks them away so perfectly if need be, his wolf just a whiny little puppy in the background.

“Why?” Alec breathes. The devastation coming over the bond would usually crumble Magnus’ resolve, but he cages his heart masterfully. It's the reason why he's still alive, this other version of him. Emotions can't hurt him when he's in this headspace. They have no power over him.

“Because there is no pup, no pregnancy. You're trying to butter me up, and when I've forgiven you, you'll fake a miscarriage. A hormone imbalance, right? I won't go through that shit again,” Magnus explains evenly.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Alec asks, voice growing louder. It doesn't faze Magnus.

“I need to go to bed now,” he says and walks past Alec and up the stairs. He stares at their nest for a long moment, then decides to sleep in the guestroom. The room they thought might become the nursery. Magnus never thought Alec would use a potential pup as a weapon against him. He's not the man he thought he married.

Chapter Text

Magnus opens his eyes against the morning sun. Why the hell is he in the guestroom? He can't remember how he ended up here for the life of him.

He sits up, frowning at his clothes before he checks himself in the mirror of his vanity table. He didn't even take off his makeup, an absolute no-go in Magnus’ book. How wasted was he? Did Alec lay him down when they returned? Magnus knows he's a snorer when he’s had one too many.

Magnus has no headache though, just a wide empty space where last night's memories should be.

Magnus gets up swiftly, checking their bedroom, but he finds it empty, save for Chairman sleeping at their nest's foot. Magnus stumbles down the stairs, calling for his mate but the house lies silent. Did Alec go out to pick up something from their favourite bakery? The thought sends butterflies through Magnus’ stomach. He swiftly sets the table. When Alec hasn't returned when he's done, he goes upstairs and takes off last night's make-up. Well, what he hasn't rubbed into the beautiful satin pillow cases. They are ruined now.

He switches into one of his pyjama pants/bathrobe combis. Alec loves them, and getting fully dressed is kind of a waste of effort if Alec will peel him out of them anyway.

Magnus gargles with mouthwash, throwing his make-up tissues into the bin when his eyes catch onto something in it. He fishes it out, his heart dropping into the pit of his stomach. He scrambles for his phone, but after a few dial tones, he goes to voicemail.

“Alexander! Where are you?” Magnus asks, his heart nearly beating out of his chest. He probes the bond but he comes back empty. Alec closed it off. He's never done that before! “Are you okay?” Magnus asks, panic claiming his heart. He hangs up, sitting down on the closed toilet.

He tries to calm himself down. Alec is pregnant. He's probably just out, buying something to present the news in a fitting way. That doesn't explain why he's shut off the bond or why he isn't picking up his phone, but Magnus tries to convince himself that there must be a logical explanation for it.

Pregnant.

Joy and fear mix in Magnus’ chest. It's a miracle. It's a badly timed miracle, but beautiful nonetheless. They need to get Alec checked, need to buy a blood pressure monitor and those urine sticks Magnus read about.

He looks at the plastic stick in his hand. His stomach flips at the sight. When did Alec get it? Did he get up early? Or did they buy it on their way home?

Magnus runs his hand through his hair, tugging on it. He can't remember their journey home. Or how he got through the opening night. All he remembers is following Alec outside the club, and then, stuff gets a little bit blurry.

He decides to prepare coffee and waits half an hour before he calls Alec again. He goes straight to voicemail this time. That's weird.

Another thirty minutes go by without a sign of his omega, and Magnus can't sit around any longer. Where would Alec go to share the good news?

Magnus dials Lydia's number. She picks up after a few rings.

“Hey! Is everything okay with Alec?” she asks.

“That's what I wanted to ask you. I take it he didn't call you?”

“He texted me that he was going home and apologised for his behaviour.”

“His behaviour?”

“Yeah. Um… the whole wolfing out on us.”

Magnus frowns at that. Alec doesn't wolf out. What the hell is she talking about?

“Magnus, are you okay?” Lydia asks. No, he isn't. But if Alec didn't call her, he might be in danger for all that Magnus knows. Magnus’ wolf is on high alert.

“I… My memory is a bit of Swiss cheese right now,” Magnus replies. “I guess I had one too many last night.”

That doesn't sound like him. He never drinks more than a few sips during work. But if he can't even remember Alec wolfing out, maybe someone put something in his drink. That would explain the gaping hole in his memories.

“Can you tell him to call me if he contacts you?”

“Sure. He probably just put his phone on mute.”

“Yes. Maybe he went for a run,” Magnus says, but Alec's new runners are still sitting in the entrance hall.

“You know how he is when he's in the zone,” Lydia chuckles. Magnus nods to himself. He wishes the puzzle were that easy to solve.

“Enjoy your weekend,” Magnus says and hangs up.

Where would Alec go if not to his best friend? If the test is his… Who would he tell that early? It's only been a couple of weeks since his heat. And if it isn't his test, whose could it be?

Magnys dials Izzy's number without a second thought. But his question about his mate is met with surprise, once more.

“He texted me when he left the club,” Izzy says. “Is he okay?”

“I… I don't know. He's gone, and he…” Magnus trails off. He can't tell his sister-in-law that he lost her big brother. Her likely pregnant brother. “He's probably picking up the boys,” he says. “I slept in.”

“You deserved that. The opening was fantastic. Such a shame that Alec wasn't feeling well.”

Magnus hums noncommittally. He ends the call as quickly as he manages, then dials Tessa's number.

“He picked up the boys an hour ago. He said you were busy,” she says. “Is everything alright?”

Magnus stares at the pregnancy test in his hand. It's a relief to know that Alec was seen. But why did he pick up the pups long before the agreed time?

“I don't know, Tessa. I really don't know,” he mumbles. “Did he say where he was planning to go?”

“He said he'd take the boys to the park. He seemed to be in a hurry. Looked a bit the worse for wear. But he said he's fine.”

Magnus’ stomach clenches. That doesn't sound good. Why would he take the pups to the park when he's tired? For Magnus to get proper sleep? It doesn't make any sense. Alec could have just left them at Tessa's and slept in himself. Or was he all churned up inside because of the pregnancy? Does he need time to think about how he wants to proceed with his promotion and all?

But again: Why pick up the boys for it? Why walk away when Magnus was right there to share his joy and worries?

The park. There's only one Rafael still enjoys to frequent. If Magnus wanted to keep the boys away from the house for a few hours, he'd go there.

He grabs his keys, uncaring about his plain face. He runs, wishing he had Alec's stamina. He should have taken the car, but he's incapable of thinking straight. He's out of breath when he finally makes it.

His heart nearly stops when he sees his omega sitting on a bench. Alec looks tired, his eyes rubbed red. He looks as if he cried.

His wolf urges him on to cross the playground, but Magnus tries to gather his wits first.

Alec spots him. He straightens, his jaw setting in stone as he pierces him with golden eyes. A clear threat.

Images flash in the eye of Magnus’ mind—Alec dropping his fangs, growling at Dot. Magnus blinks the images away. They don't make sense.

He walks around the playground, approaches his omega slowly.

“Papa!” Max calls, running towards him. Alec catches him and heaves the boy onto his hip.

“Magnus has other things to do right now,” Alec says.

“I don't have to be anywhere else but with my family,” Magnus states. Why is Alec acting so weird?

“No. You don't understand. I can't have you anywhere near me or my pups right now.”

“Alexander,” Magnus protests.

“Are you done packing?” Alec cuts him short.

Magnus gapes at him. “I…? What is going on?”

Alec snorts a mirthless laugh. “You tell me, alpha. You tell me.”

The tone of Alec's voice makes Magnus’ flesh crawl.

“I found the test,” Magnus whispers. “Is it yours?”

“Who else's would it be? Or will you accuse me of faking that, too?”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

Alec shushes him. He puts Max down. “Go to your brother,” he says. Max's eyes jump between his fathers until Rafael calles him over to the pirate ship.

Magnus reaches for Alec's arm but his mate shakes him off. Alec has never rejected his touch before. Ice-cold dread claims Magnus’ heart.

“Talk to me, Alexander,” he pleads.

“What's there to talk about? You don't trust me. You don't believe me. This should have been the most beautiful moment in our relationship and you…” Alec trails off, tears glittering in his eyes. He rummages through the pocket of his jacket, handing Magnus a crumpled ultrasound image.

“I played scared omega at the hospital for you to have proof. Figured showing you a stick I peed on wouldn't be enough for you to believe me.”

Magnus stares at the black and white image.

“Why wouldn't I believe you?” he asks, trying to make sense of Alec's words and the forms on the paper.

Alec huffs a mirthless laugh.

“If you want the pregnancy gone, you have five more weeks. After that, I can't take the abortion pill. You know how I hate hospitals, so… please make up your mind soon,” Alec says and walks away to push Max on the swing.

Magnus slumps down on a nearby bench. He feels like the rug has been pulled out from under his feet.

Abortion? They waited for this so long! Too long? Has Alec made up his mind?

No! Wait. Alec said he should decide. Magnus is about to get sick.

“Alexander… What happened last night?” Magnus asks, his voice cracking.

Alec works his jaw.

“Please… talk to me. Did I say something on our drive home?”

Alec squints at him.

“We didn't drive home together,” he says, irritation playing out on his face.

“I don't remember how I got home. I don't remember anything,” Magnus tries to explain himself. “I… Maybe someone put something in my drink.”

Magnus had been drugged with roofies before. But this is different. Did he have an episode? No, that can't be.

Alec's face falls. He shakes his head.

“You were pretty lucid last night when you called me a liar,” he all but spits, probably only keeping his voice down for Max’s sake. His words are still a punch in the guts.

“I did what?” Magnus croaks. Alec searches his face. For what, Magnus isn't sure. He just hopes what he finds is good. Alec swallows hard.

“If you wanna pretend last night didn't happen—fine. Just let me know about the pups,” Alec says, his voice that of a man soldiering through.

There's so much to dissect here, but Magnus’ mind latches onto one word.

“Pups?” he presses out.

Alec exhales slowly and sends Max off to play with his brother.

“Two.”

“We're having twins?”

“If you decide so, alpha.”

The title cuts through Magnus’ slowly building excitement.

“Alexander… This is what we hoped for for two long years. What's going on?”

“You tell me, Magnus. You tell me what's going on. Or better: Don't! Is that all it took? One tiny, hormone-induced slip-up? Is this about Dot? I didn't mean to growl at her. I'll apologise. What else do you want from me?”

“I wanna know what I said that makes you think I see you as a liar, that makes you think I want you to abort our pups!”

Alec shakes his head. “I won't play this stupid mindgame. You wanna punish me for not being perfect. But I won't repeat the horrible things you accused me of. I trusted you with my heart and with my boys. If you're too disgusted with me—fine. Just don't hurt them. They can't lose another parent. They can't.”

“I would never hurt our pups. And I… I never meant to hurt you. I'm telling the truth. I have no recollection about last night. None whatsoever. And believe me when I say: No matter what I told you last night—that wasn't me. I would never…”

Alec soffs.

“Alexander. I love and trust you. This is…” Magnus stops himself, his mind nagging him but he can't think over the howling of his wolf.

“I don't know what happened, but… Alexander, please. Believe me.”

Alec's face is still set in stone, but Magnus doesn't miss the nervous tick of his eyelid.

“Let's go home, talk, and cuddle up in our nest,” Magnus pleads. “I need to feel you. Our wolves need it.”

Alec looks down at his hands. Magnus’ heart breaks when he shakes his head.

“Magnus… I can't,” he says.

Chapter Text

“Give Papa this from me,” Rafael says and hugs Alec tightly. It's a tradition, born out of the many nights Magnus has had to work and because of which he missed bedtime. Usually, Alec just smiles and promises to pass it on when his mate comes home, but today, the loving gesture of his oldest cuts through the fabric of his soul. He prays that the boys didn't pick up on the tension between them, that they can go to sleep without a single worry passing their minds.

Magnus hugged and kissed them goodbye at the playground, his hands twitching before he took his leave. Alec's wolf had been strangely quiet. He probably knows he fucked up big time. But it was his animal who brought the truth to light and showed what Magnus truly thinks about him.

“Sweet dreams,” Alec says and presses a kiss to the head of both of his pups, taking a breath of their soothing scents. Then he switches on the nightlight and closes the door behind him. He makes it to the living room before he starts crying. He brushes the tears away. There's no use in letting his feelings flow out of him. This was bound to happen from the start. The angels made a mistake. He knew it! That's why he tried to set Magnus free at the beginning of their relationship. But the alpha wormed himself into his soul, made him happy, loved his pups… All down the drain now.

Alec's eyes fall on the set breakfast table. He frowns at it. Magnus pulled out the good china and used the cloth napkins and the crystals he always used to decorate the table for their rare dinners for two. The coffee is cold in the pot. Alec pours it into the sink, watches how the dark liquid stains the ceramic of the kitchen sink.

Did Magnus think he was so easy? That a nicely decorated table was enough to get past his accusations?

Not that Magnus even tried to apologise. What kind of an excuse even was that? Amnesia? As if!

Alec stares at the fridge. He hasn't eaten all day, but he's not hungry. He got the boys pizza which they ate at the breakfast bar. Alec could pretend this was just a normal Saturday night with Magnus being out and about. He's good at pretending. Was, at least. Could he pretend with Magnus, too? Maryse will surely expect him to. She did when his father strayed, after all. Image is everything to her. And he said the boys can't lose another parent, so there's that.

God, how is he supposed to explain all of this to anyone? He doesn't even understand what happened. He feels like he’s been hit by a bus. He wishes he were. This is way too painful.

The bond is burning in his chest, clogged up painfully. Alec tries to ignore the tug from the other side. He won't let Magnus manipulate him into forgiving him. Alec doubts he ever will. But he needs to learn to deal with the pain. For his boys. He managed eight long years with Melanie, didn't he? He survived her cheating and her disinterest. He will survive this, too. Somehow. He has no idea how, but he will. Magnus still wants the pups growing in his belly. He was crystal clear about that. A way to chain him to him a little longer, likely. But why if this is how he sees him? A self-sacrifice? An easy way to justify doing what so many alphas take for granted?

But Magnus isn't like the others. He said he loved him. Yes, work has been a lot lately, but there is a vacation on the horizon. Was. Maybe their plans are off now. God, he's about to cry again.

But not only is he chained to his mate. Magnus is chained to him, too. True mate bonds can't be dissolved.

Is that it? Has Magnus come to resent him for it? They could get a divorce, of course. Magnus even might get custody of their pups, if he goes for it. He's the one with the money, the alpha. He surely won't struggle to find someone to parent their pups with, to present the court with a perfect new family.

No. Alec can't allow it to get that far. He needs to swallow his pride and get over himself. He can't lose his pups!

Would Magnus take them away from him?

Just two days ago, the mere thought would have been ridiculous. But now, Alec isn't so sure anymore. He doesn't trust him, so why would he trust him with kids he raised as his own?

How could Alec be so stupid? Of course, this day had to come. He disappointed all of his alphas in the past. He never thought Magnus would get in line with them. But Alec always knew that he was impossible to love, too stubborn, too broken. And with that honest-to-the-bones version of his mate, he can't win anymore with strength and self-sufficiency. It's over. He lost Magnus, no matter how much his mate insisted that he still trusted him. How could he, if he truly didn't remember what happened last night? And if he does remember, what does that lie say about their relationship?

Alec can't think straight. He misses Magnus. He's confused. He's hurt to his core. He wants to turn back the clock, wants to stay in the nest instead of going to the kitchen and never hear Magnus’ nasty accusations.

Alec has always stood by his mistakes, apologised for them and tried to fix them. Magnus encouraged him to, called it personal growth. Why would he lie to get out of an embarrassing situation? Magnus should know him better than that.

That's what hurts the most. How quick Magnus was in conjuring up a scenario where Alec was the deceitful, bad guy. It must have been sitting on his heart for a while. All the praise collected over the years, all the nice words and compliments, all the I-love-yous and the pride coming through the bond… How can all this be undone so easily? Even if wolfing out is the worst Alec could ever do—how did they get here? Where is ‘communication is still a work in progress’? What has become of ‘relationships take effort’?

No matter what I told you last night—that wasn't me.

That's the thing. Alec can't shake the feeling that this was the truest, most honest that Magnus ever was and ever will be. He probably surprised himself. It's all in the open now. How could Alec ignore what he always knew to be true? He's a failure. Maybe he should get the abortion pill and get this over with. Maybe, it'll be easier for Magnus to build a new life then. Maybe they'll find a way to co-parent their pups. Maybe Max and Rafe won't have to lose their papa because their dad is too much of a loser to keep his true mate.

Alec's phone vibrates with a notification, and he exhales slowly before he grabs it. There are texts from Izzy and Lydia, asking how he is. Did Magnus call them? No. They’d sent it long before Magnus found them at the playground.

Alec replies quickly. He lies, says everything's fine. He can't do this right now.

I won't bother you with long messages. Just know I am here when you're ready to talk. I miss you. I hope you can find it in yourself to forgive me. I'll do anything to earn your trust again. Love, Magnus.

Alec quirks an involuntary smile. That dork always signs off his texts as if they were letters. It's one of the things Alec loves about his mate.

He presses his finger against his eyelids, hoping to stop the sting of tears behind them. He puts the phone down and walks out of the kitchen.

He misses Magnus, too. And he feels so numb. And tired. Oh-so tired. But sleep is daunting. His nest smells like Magnus. It will feel empty and cold without his alpha to snuggle up to, to hold, to be held by. But tomorrow is church, and he'll be damned if he lets the pups miss their favourite family pastor just because he's a bad omega who can't even make his true mate happy.

He opts for the sofa. Magnus’ scent is weaker there. One night of weakness, he decides to allow himself before he cries himself to sleep.

Chapter Text

“Oh, hey, Alec,” Pastor Meg calls over the corridor. Alec turns a little too quickly, the world not coming to a stop when his body does. “Have you got a minute?” she asks.

“Sure,” he replies. He hopes his pups didn't get up to some nonsense. He just wants to get home and curl up on the couch for the rest of the day.

“I have to ask you for a favour. You know Brendon, right?” Meg asks. Alec likes that she's a no-nonsense kinda person.

“Yeah,” he replies, swallowing down the bile creeping up his throat. Brendon has been assisting Pastor Meg since Alec joined the congregation after marrying Melanie.

“We finally got his alpha to allow him to go to college. Isn't that great?”

Alec quirks a smile. Brandon is about his age, bonded since he was eighteen. The traditional way. He has no kids, despite him clearly loving the pups he's working with. He'd be a great father, but he wasn't blessed with such a miracle.

Alec tries his best not to think about the two pups in his belly, growing into an unknown future. He was so selfish wanting more children.

“That's great! I'm sure he's thrilled,” Alec manages.

“He is. But it's a lot after 15 years out of high school. And he still has to fulfil his domestic duties, so…” Meg sighs. “He can't do Sunday school anymore. He was the only omega in the team, and you've been so supportive… I know you're busy with family and work, but I wondered…”

“I can't be the only omega available,” Alec quips despite his stomach revolting. He knows she means well. Equality and egalitarianism are important in their congregation, but he hates to be reduced to his second gender.

“Of course not. But you have charisma, you're great with children, and you're a great role model. We want the pups to see that no matter who they turn out to be, they are all beloved children of God who can achieve anything they want.”

Alec nods, another dizzy spell claiming his body. He props himself up against the next wall.

“Are you okay?” Meg asks, her soothing pheromones making everything worse.

“I've been better,” Alec allows, sweat building on his forehead, slowly cascading down his face.

“You're burning up,” Meg says. “Are you in heat?” she asks.

Alec huffs a mirthless laugh.

“No.”

“Do you want me to call your alpha?” Meg asks. Alec closes his eyes against the pinpricks of tears. The question is only making it worse.

“No. He's… out of town,” he lies. Just like this morning when the boys asked about their papa. It's nothing unusual. Magnus sometimes goes to support past pack members in difficult situations, to help them move or to plan big occasions. He's a selfless soul like that. The boys swallowed it. Alec feels bad about it. But what else was he supposed to do? He doesn't want them to be worried.

“Someone else?” Meg asks sympathetically.

“There's no one I…” Alec exhales. He managed to press away the pain in his aching heart during the service, but it's flooding every cell of his body now.

“Let's get you in my office,” Meg says with the firmness of an alpha who respects boundaries but won't take no for an answer. Alec's wolf latches on to it, exhausted after a fitful night. Alec hates that he is responding to it as if Meg used her Voice on him. How weak is that?

Still, he slumps into the two-seater in her office and accepts gratefully the glass of water she presses into his hand.

“What is it?” Meg prompts gently as she sits down opposite him. It only makes Alec's fight against the tears building up behind his eyes harder.

“Magnus isn't out of town,” he confesses. “We're… having a fight.”

“A fight?”

Alec nods, regretting it immediately.

“This looks worse than a fight,” Meg says, her voice free of judgment.

“I threw him out. Kinda.”

“So bad, huh?”

“You have no idea. He thought I pretended to be pregnant.”

Meg arches an eyebrow. “You're pregnant?”

“Yeah,” Alec breathes. “Six weeks.”

“And Magnus didn't believe you? That…” she trails off.

“Doesn't sound like him?” Alec guesses. Meg nods. “Yeah, it doesn't,” he agrees. “And still, he did. And then, he left me standing as if I were nothing to him.”

Alec doesn't even know why he's sharing this with her. It's not as if she's his confessor or something. Maybe it's because he needs to let this exist outside of his body, and he can't tell anyone else. They all love Magnus. And they could never look at him again without thinking of this if Alec told them what happened. Maybe it's silly to protect his alpha's image when he hurt him so deeply. But something about their last encounter is still grating on his nerves. He seemed like the man he used to love, that he still loves. But Alec doesn't trust his guts anymore.

“This pregnancy—was it planned?” Meg asks.

“Very much so. We tried for two years. We thought it wouldn't happen. It's a miracle. And he called me a liar for it.”

Meg huns noncommittally. “I don't want to defend him, but maybe the news still came as a shock.”

Alec worries the inside of his cheek between his teeth. Joy. That's what should have claimed Magnus, not shock. Unbridled joy. Like the look on his face when he learnt they're expecting twins. But that's all tainted now, a big question mark attached to it.

“We're offering couple counselling,” Meg says. Alec doesn't know if he's supposed to laugh or cry.

“My mate isn't a man of faith as you know. Or more… institutionalised religion,” he says.

“Proselytising is not what our counselling is for, Alec. We believe that your bond is blessed by the Angels, but we also acknowledge that being in a relationship has its challenges. We just wanna help.”

“I'm not sure if… He's not who I thought he was. He… huh.”

Meg smiles gently at him. “You two are true mates. It's probably just a misunderstanding.”

“No… He was being honest. I know the difference.”

Meg purses her lips in sympathy.

“I'm sorry that I'm springing this on you. I just feel like… I should go home and get some rest.”

“Maybe you should call one of your siblings?” Meg suggests. They sometimes pick up the boys when Alec has to work.

“Nah,” Alec says, standing up. He thinks he's covering up his dizziness pretty well. “I'm alright. Thanks for having an ear, pastor.”

“It was my pleasure,” Meg says and offers her hand. It feels cool against his sweaty skin.

“See you next week,” Alec says and walks out of the office. He books an Uber. He couldn't make himself take Magnus’ car which is still parked in front of his house. But he can't take the subway with two bouncy pups in the state he's in right now. He has to save his energy. He'll have to return to work come Monday, and there'll be no one to help him get the pups ready in the morning. He's all alone. Again.

Chapter Text

Magnus opens the door, heavily leaning against the wood. He can barely lift his eyes to meet Catarina's.

“I'd hoped you were being dramatic,” she sighs and pulls him into a gentle hug.

“Sorry to bother you,” he says, taking comfort in her familiar scent and grounding touch. It's not what his wolf craves, but it soothes the worst, at least minutely.

“No such thing,” Catarina tuts and lets go of him.

“Did you get the meds?” Magnus asks.

Catarina hums in reply. “Are you sure you need them?”

“I needed them with Camille. This is so much worse.”

He drags himself back to his bedroom, the ache in his muscles only topped by the emptiness in his chest.

He sinks into the nest. It only faintly smells like Alec anymore. It's been too long since they came here to make love. Maybe that's why their relationship has gone to shit.

Catarina sighs and prepares the shot.

“What happened?” she asks, not unkindly.

“I destroyed the best thing I ever had. And the worst is, I can't even remember how or why.”

That gives Catarina pause. “What do you mean?”

“Alec says I called him a liar. And I… I've been wracking my brain, Catarina. I even watched the security feed from the club… I can't believe he wolfed out. My sweet Alexander.”

Catarina works her jaw before she disinfects the injection site and gives Magnus the anti-pining shot.

“What did I say to you?” Magnus asks.

“When?”

“I saw you coming into my office after I brought Alec there.”

“Only that Alec wasn't feeling well. You were pretty close-lipped.”

Magnus swallows against the lump in his throat, pressing the cotton against his arm.

“Did I comfort him?” he croaks.

Catarina wets her lips and shakes her head.

“He was so vulnerable, and I… I looked like a robot.”

“I thought you were in shock. That's why I checked on you. But you seemed… I dunno. Professional, I guess.”

Magnus exhales slowly as his muscles relax, the medication kicking in quicker than he remembers. A new generation of anti-Ps, probably. He can't really find solace in it. The symptoms may fade, but his heartache will stay just like the pulsing yet empty bond in his chest.

“I can't remember a single thing. If I hadn't seen the tapes… How am I supposed to fix this?”

“Do you want me to talk to him?”

Magnus shakes his head, pressing his fingers against his eyelids to will back the tears building up behind them with physical force if need be.

“I hope he'll talk with me when I video call with the boys later. If I learnt one thing in our relationship, then it's not to pressure him. I fear I did lately. I was just so…” He breathes a sigh. “What if he can't forgive me?”

Catarina puts her medical bag on the bedside table and slides into the nest. It's been so long since they last shared one. It was on an eerily similar occasion.

“C'mere, big alpha,” she says warmly and opens her arms in a silent welcome. Magnus huffs a laugh and settles against her chest. She always was the only one who he allowed to alpha him. Not even Ragnor has seen him like this. He always got the partially restored version, the one who was open to constructive criticism without emotions overcoming him.

Magnus lets go of his pride and sinks into Catarina's embrace, lets her warm scent wrap around him soothingly. It's not home but it's family. It's comfort and hope.

“Alec loves you,” Catarina says as her fingers comb through his unstyled hair. “You're going to be alright.”

Magnus prays to a deity he doesn't believe in that she is going to be right.

“Sweet dreams, my boys,” Magnus says, suppressing a sigh as Max presses a kiss to the camera. He misses them so much, and it's only been a day since he last saw them.

“Brush your teeth,” he hears Alec offscreen. He takes a deep breath and waits for his mate to sit down in front of the computer.

“Hey,” he says, scrutinising Alec's face. He looks tired, his usually fair cheeks reddened with heat, rivalling his swollen eyes. He must have cried. Magnus’ stomach twists at the sight.

“How are you holding up?” Magnus manages.

“I'm hanging in there,” Alec says. “And you?”

“I miss you,” Magnus says. “And the boys.”

Alec casts his eyes down. “Magnus, I…”

“I didn't say that to pressure you. I just wanted to be honest,” Magnus hastens to say.

Alec nods in acknowledgement. “I'm not feeling that good,” he says, looking as if he's about to be sick.

“How are you tolerating the side effects?” Magnus asks, feeling nauseated himself.

“Side effects?” Alec asks, his eyes not really focussing. Magnus’ face falls. Dammit! He should have known. He somehow thought that Lydia or Izzy would take care of him. Or Jace.

“You didn't take anti-pining meds?” Magnus enquires.

Alec's eyes dart up, growing wide. He shakes his head. “Not sure if they're approved for pregnancy,” he slightly slurs.

Magnus worries his lips and nods. “Catarina offered to check on you.”

“She knows?” Alec croaks.

“She's my best friend, Alexander. She gave me the shots.”

Alec nods.

“Have you talked to someone?” Magnus asks, dread creeping up his spine.

“Yeah,” Alec says much to his relief. “Can we talk?” Alec asks. “Like… not now, but…”

“Of course,” Magnus says. “Whenever you like.”

Alec works his jaw, so clearly pondering what to say next. Magnus is holding his breath.

“I'm not trying to be difficult, Mags,” Alec finally settles on. “I'm just… off.”

“That's understandable. I am, too. That's the pining sickness. I was a complete mess just two hours ago. But it doesn't have to stay that way, my love.”

Alec's face breaks out in unguarded pain. He tries to hide it but it's too late.

“Magnus…”

“We're going to get through this, Alexander.” Magnus doesn't know where he's getting the courage from to say it.

“I can't lose my pups. Please,” Alec presses out. Magnus’ heart plummets to the floor.

“Wha–? I would never! Ale…” Magnus trails off. How deeply did he hurt his mate that he thought he'd do that to him and their pups?

“Alexander, I love you. I love you. I wanna be with you. Wherever your mind led you, this is not what's going to happen. Even if you should decide what I did was unforgivable,” Magnus croaks. “Rafael and Maxwell will never have to lose a parent again. Never! Do you hear me?”

Alec nods as if in trance, his eyes glassy, lips moving without a word.

“Alexander?”

Alec blinks at him. “Maybe… Cat…”

“I'll call her immediately. Do you wanna lie down?”

“No… Magnus… You don't have to.”

“You think I’ll let you burn up with pining fever and do nothing?”

“Alpha…”

Shit! Shit! Shit!

“Omega,” Magnus all but purrs. “Lie down on the floor for me, please? Stay calm. I'll call Catarina. I'll give her the code word so that the boys will let her in. You're going to be okay. Just lay down. Do you have your phone on you?”

Alec mumbles something unintelligible but his hand comes into view, holding his phone.

“Take it down to the floor with you. I'll call you. Leave the computer on.”

Alec disappears from the camera view. Magnus swiftly calls his ID. He can hear the ringtone over the webcam. He shoots Catarina a message while he waits agonisingly long seconds until Alec picks up his phone.

“My head,” he groans. “It hurts.”

“Catarina is on her way,” Magnus says, shrugging into his coat and grabbing his keys. “Keep talking to me, darling,” he orders gently as he flies down the stairs.

“Boys gonna be scared,” Alec slurs.

“I'll talk to them and calm them down if they find you. Don't worry, Alexander.”

“‘m so stupid,” Alec says, his voice sounding bitter. It's probably his wolf talking.

“You're having a bad case of pining sickness. We're true mates, sweetheart,” Magnus says. Alec may be stubborn but he's far from stupid. He just never learnt to take care of himself.

“Didn't think it'd be so bad,” Alec mumbles. Magnus runs into the street to flag down a taxi.

“I heard it's a bit like when a blood bond dissolves,” Magnus tries to keep him talking. “What did you do after Melanie?”

“Nothing.” Alec groans into the carpet.

Magnus looks at the chat that just popped up.

With him in 5. Keep him awake.

Magnus nods to himself, heart beating out of his chest.

“Remember our first trip with the boys?” he asks, gliding into the backseat of a cab. “Rafael was so grumpy all day.”

“Takes after me,” Alec says.

“I love it when you're grumpy,” Magnus replies. God, what he'd give to see his morning pout again.

“Can you get your face into the frame, my love?” he asks. Alec doesn't reply. “Alexander! Stay with me. Come on. Alexander? — Alexander! Talk to me!”

Chapter Text

“Yes, alpha?” Alec sounds meek but Magnus still lets out a ragged breath.

“Let me see your pretty face, omega,” he orders with only a pinch of his Voice. He hopes Alec will forgive him.

It takes a long moment, but then, the phone moves. It's not angled right, but Magnus can see Alec's steadily rising and falling chest.

“There you are,” Magnus says. “Such a good omega for me,” he praises. That's Magnus’ alpha talking but he lets him. This is a primal matter. He's not sure if it helps over the phone, but hell, he'll try.

“‘m a bad mate,” Alec mumbles.

“You're the best mate any alpha could dream of,” Magnus says. “You're beautiful, smart, hard-working, funny, devoted…”

“Daddy!” Max cries in the background.

Shoot!

“Blueberry?” Magnus calls, earning himself a weird look from the taxi driver. “Maxie? I'm on Daddy's phone. Can you see me?”

“What's up with Daddy?” Max asks.

“Daddy is sleeping,” Rafael replies, picking up the phone. “Right, Papa?”

What a brave, big boy. Still, Magnus can hear the dread leaking into his voice. Magnus prays that he doesn't get any flashbacks. They never talked about who found Melanie, if the boys saw her body or not.

“Dad is resting on the floor because he's not feeling well right now, and we didn't want him to get hurt,” Magnus explains as calmly as he musters. “Aunt Catarina is on the way. You can open the door when she knocks, okay? She'll help Daddy, and he's gonna be fine.”

“‘m fine,” Alec's voice comes weakly over the speaker. Magnus feels like crying from relief.

“Maxie, wait at the door for Cat,” Rafael says. “Dad, are you going to be okay?” he asks when his brother is out of earshot.

“Mmh,” Alec hums. At least, he's awake.

“Rafael, are you alright?” Magnus asks.

“I'm good,” the boy says. “Should I call 9-1-1?”

“Catarina will decide. She's…”

“I'm here,” Catarina calls. “Take Max to the living room and put on one of your shows, sweetheart. I'm going to take care of your dad, alright?”

Magnus can see the crease between Rafael's eyebrows growing. He looks so much like his father.

“It's okay, honey,” Magnus says. “Take care of your brother. I'll be with you as quickly as I can.”

The boy's frown deepens but he gets up from the floor and puts the phone on the table. Magnus stares at the ceiling of Alec's study.

“Catarina?” he asks.

“He's running a fever. I'll give him the shot and…”

“Stop!” Magnus all but yells, making an apologetic face towards the driver looking at him in the rearview mirror. “He's pregnant.”

“He's…?” Catarina breathes. “You two! Never a boring day in your life. I'll still give him the shot. Unlike the pills, they are safe in all trimesters. Still, he'll need you. He's pretty far gone.”

“Does he need to go to the hospital?”

“No, I think it's gonna be alright. You should get the pup checked, though. Just in case.”

Just in case. Magnus wants to kick himself. This is all his fault. If Alec loses the twins, he'll never forgive him. Magnus wouldn't be able to forgive himself either.

“It's the best way to get him lucid again.”

“I can't. We're broken up for all I know.”

“He's pining, Magnus. I'm all for consent but I'd say it's pretty clear that he wants and needs you near.”

“I scent-marked him. That's already pushing it. You said it was enough.”

“It should be. But he's been out for—”

“Alpha,” Alec mumbles, his bumbling hand reaching out for him.

“Hey,” Magnus replies. “How are you?”

Alec blinks his eyes. He could have sworn he lay down in his study just a moment ago.

“How did I get here?” he asks. Magnus raises an amused eyebrow.

“Stupid alpha strength,” Alec sighs but he's glad to wake up here with Magnus’ fingers carding through his hair. He presses his nose into the bedlinen covering his nest and takes a deep breath of Magnus’ scent.

It takes a moment to recover his wits, but when he does, his whole body tenses up.

Magnus.

He starts crying, turning to hide the proof at the edge of the nest. He's exhausted and sad and so damn confused. His wolf is whimpering. How humiliating! So much for being a strong omega. As if!

“Here. You gotta drink,” Catarina says, her tone brooking no backtalk. Alec didn't even register that she was in the room, too. He rolls on his back and accepts the iso drink.

“When did you last eat?” Catarina asks after he’s gulped down the bottle.

Alec tries to remember. He winces. “Friday? I think.”

“Oh, Alexander.”

“Wasn't hungry,” Alec mumbles, feeling like a scolded child. He knows Magnus’ concerned voice. He hates it, especially when he is the reason for it. And it worms into his soul, makes the yearning that subsided a little spike again.

“The pups need dinner,” Alec groans, trying to sit up.

“They're already in bed. It's past midnight,” Catarina explains.

“Shit! Sorry,” Alec presses out.

“If you agree with it, I'll leave you to Magnus’ care,” Catarina says. Alec squirms under her gaze.

“‘Course. I'm sorry, Cat.”

“No worries, Alec,” she says and leaves.

“I'll make you something to eat,” Magnus says after a long stretch of silence.

“You don't have to.”

“Your wolf needs it as much as mine,” Magnus says and gets up, groaning a little as he stretches his limbs. How long has he been sitting crouched like that?

Alec exhales slowly as he watches him leave, his wolf yearning.

“He's only downstairs,” Alec mumbles. He can't even manage a weekend without his mate. What's up with that? Magnus was on trips that lasted longer. But of course, Alec's wolf knew this was more than just that.

Rejection. Separation. Remorse. Insecurity. You name it. It's all one big ball of messy emotions swirling through his stomach.

But Magnus came. He didn't hesitate. Not for a second. And now, he's in their kitchen to make him a meal.

He returns quickly with cheese and grapes and buttered toast. There's a moment of hesitation before he sets the tray on the bedside table and asks, “Is it okay if I hold you while I'm feeding you?”

Alec's mouth runs dry. Is this what Magnus wants or just the logical thing to do to get them out of this dead-end situation?

“It's okay if you don't want me to,” Magnus says.

“Do you want to?” Alec asks.

“I always want to be near you, Alexander.”

Alec lets out a ragged breath.

“I thought you'd be elated.” — “Why would I be?”

“For the pups,” Alec says, forcing himself not to touch his stomach. Magnus nods, sadness pulling on his features.

They settle with Alec pressing his cheek against Magnus’ chest, accepting the morsels of food his alpha feeds him. So primal. So stupid. It works like a charm. Alec's muscles relax, his fever finally coming down for good. He feels exhausted, as if he ran a marathon.

“Thank you,” Alec croaks when they’ve emptied the plate.

“You're welcome. Do you need more?”

Alec shakes his head. Not food, at least.

“Okay if I stay here? Catarina said it's better than the shots to… have physical contact.”

“Well, she's the medical professional,” Alec says, secretly glad that there is a logical reason for them to stay close. It's selfish. Or not. Magnus is relaxing against him, too.

“Did you have symptoms?” Alec asks.

“Of course,” Magnus says. “I called Catarina. She gave me the shot and…” he trails off.

“Ever had them before?” Alec asks. Why not add insult to injury. It surely was that omega Magnus once chased. Dot? Possibly.

“I once had a very abrupt breakup. The only one where I had developed… not a scent bond but… a mental dependency maybe. Other things played into it, too.”

Not Dot then. It sounds more like Camille, but she's an alpha.

“Melanie's bite just faded without any symptoms. I guess that's normal for a one-sided bond,” Alec muses. He glances at his bite on Magnus’ neck, aching to brush his fingers over it.

“Do you regret it?” Alec asks.

“That I hurt you? Of course.”

The corners of Alec's lips twitch despite himself.

“I meant the mutual bite.”

Magnus swallows hard. “I could never regret anything we've shared. I am proud to wear your bite. I am proud to be your mate.”

Alec nuzzles into Magnus’ chest, too worn out to fight his instincts.

“Didn't feel like it the other day,” he murmurs, heart breaking all over again. It's such a weird thing to seek comfort from the man who hurt him.

“I don't know why I said what I said,” Magnus croaks. “I don't know what I said. I've been wracking my brain all day.”

Silence spreads between them. Alec isn't sure what to make of Magnus’ words. His mate is an honest man. He's never lied to him as far as Alec knows. Maybe, he just has to get over himself, forgive and forget. Separation doesn't seem to be what Magnus is going for. And Alec? It's the last thing he wants, despite it all. Maybe it's selfish. Maybe it's the logical thing to do. Maybe, it's not theirs to decide anyway. Their wolves have a clear agreement to keep them together. He trusted them once when he asked Magnus for a blood bond. Now, he has to lie in the bed he made.

Chapter Text

“Don't forget the consent form, Rafe,” Alec says, handing him his lunch box. “Papa will pick you up after the training.”

Rafael doesn't make a sound. That makes Alec look up from making a PB&J for Max.

“Are you alright, baby?”

Rafael pulls his bottom lip between his teeth, worrying it.

“Rafe?” Alec gently probes.

“Are you okay?” Rafael asks. Alec's stomach flips uncomfortably at the sight of worried eyes.

“Yes. It was just a bout of something. I'm feeling much better now. Auntie Cat always has the best healing potions,” he quips.

“Papa is okay, too?”

That question takes Alec by surprise.

“Of course, Rafe. He's doing the school run today.”

“You said he was away. How could he be here so quickly?” Rafael croaks. Damn it! His kid is too smart for his own good.

“Papa was at his place.”

“Because you asked him to leave.”

It's so matter-of-fact, Alec feels like choking on air.

“I… I needed a bit of space. But you don't have to worry. He's back, right?”

“Because you got sick.”

Alec breathes a sigh. “Papa is back because he wants to be here.”

“Do you want that, too?”

Those brown eyes are killing Alec slowly. So much for keeping his distress from the pups. He's failed. Again.

“Yes,” Alec says. It's the truth. The accusations still hurt, but are they worth throwing away a relationship that had its ups and downs but always gave him strength and the feeling to have reached his destination? This is the family he always dreamt of: an alpha who loves him and his boys, two more pups on the way. If Magnus decided to erase that awful night from his memory, maybe Alec should, too. But it's still churning through his stomach. The hurt. He has always been a good omega for his mate. He deserved better. Even if Magnus should struggle with worry or insecurities or whatever has been bothering him regarding this pregnancy.

“I love Papa,” Alec says to drive the message home to his eldest. “And we had a hard weekend, but we'll fix this, okay?”

Rafael nods and squeezes Alec tightly before he leaves the kitchen.

“Consent form,” Alec calls after him. God, he hopes Rafael doesn't worry too much.

“Yeah, yeah,” is the last he hears from him.

Alec continues preparing Max’s lunch. He hopes the little one didn't catch on to what was and still is happening between his fathers.

It's weird, this morning. He's feeling better. Not really good, but given he was lying on the floor just thirteen hours ago, it is a miracle he's sitting here at the breakfast bar, preparing food as if nothing happened.

It's Magnus’ scent marks all over him. His wolf is pacified by them. Alec knows that. And his alpha didn't reject him. Not really. Magnus’ wolf was clearly content with taking care of him and having him close. They even slept wrapped around each other, like they used to before everything went downhill.

Max runs into the kitchen, unmatching socks on his feet. Alec chuckles to himself and accepts the quick hug before Max runs to the front door, forgetting his lunch box. Alec carries it to the entrance hall, quirking a smile in Magnus’ direction.

“I'll be working from home this morning,” he informs him. “Gotta get in the office around three. And you?”

“I'm… I think I'll stick around if that's okay with you,” Magnus says.

“Sure,” Alec replies. “I can wait with breakfast if you want.”

They gotta talk. And if they postpone it, their wolves will just intervene again. Alec doesn't need a repetition of yesterday's experience.

“That would be wonderful. I'll pick up chocolate croissants,” Magnus replies. Alec nods. He has about an hour to prepare for this conversation. It might well be the most important of his life.

Magnus hesitates but he puts his hand on Alec's fidgeting one. Why is he so nervous? If anything, Magnus should be the one visibly vibrating out of his skin. But one of them needs to keep his cool, at least outwardly, and Alec is clearly struggling with that task. It breaks Magnus’ heart to see him like this.

“Alexander?” he pushes gently.

Alec quirks a smile. “All our… struggles at the beginning of our relationship… They haven't prepared me for this.”

Magnus nods in understanding. “I've been there before, and yet… this has taken me by surprise. I didn't see it coming. I thought we were doing well.”

“I thought so, too.”

They are quiet together for a while. Magnus doesn't know where to start. He’s missing important information, but he doesn't want to hurt Alec by asking him to share them again. So he chooses another way.

“I found an email in my inbox this morning. From my therapist.”

Alec raises a questioning eyebrow.

“It was a reply to my request to make an appointment. I sent it during opening night. The timestamp suggests it was after you left,” Magnus says, unlocking his phone to show Alec the proof. He needs to build trust for them to get through this. He's gathered this much.

Alec reads with a deep frown creasing his forehead.

“I don't remember sending that email. I don't remember you wolfing out. I don't remember what I said to you that broke your heart,” Magnus says, his voice thinning out at the end.

“What does ‘AC’ mean?” Alec asks, looking up from the phone. Magnus swallows hard. They never talked about this. He never planned to. It's been so long.

“It's a codeword between my therapist and I regarding…” Magnus shakes his head.

“Regarding what?” Alec probes.

“A certain kind of incident that triggers me.”

Alec works his jaw. “Wolfing out?” he asks, voice cracking. Magnus nods.

Alec wets his lips. “Catarina said Camille wolfed out around you… What does the A stand for?”

Magnus huffs a mirthless laugh. “I married a smart man,” he quips half-heartedly, his heart heavy with something he can't quite place. “Asmodeus,” he replies. “He's… my father.”

Alec's eyebrows hit his hairline, fingers curling around Magnus’ hand. That name is too well-known in the city and too unique for Alec not to recognise it.

“I'm… so sorry,” Alec breathes.

Magnus shakes his head. This isn't about the demon who he once called ‘father’. This is about them, about what Alec might think right now.

“I saw the security footage,” Magnus says. “You weren't as bad as them. There was no…” he trails off for a moment. “I don't wanna burden you with this. Especially not now.”

“I'm okay,” Alec protests.

“You're not okay, Alexander. We're not okay.”

Alec shrugs in a helpless gesture. “We're not. But… I'm part of that AC code now. I can't undo what happened. And you can't unsay what you said.”

“Did I accuse you of hiding that primal part from me?”

Alec shakes his head.

“Then what was it? I can't fix this if you're not telling me what I did wrong.”

“I can't, Magnus.”

“Why not?”

“Because… if you meant it, it'll kill me. And if you didn't mean it, knowing what you said will kill you.”

Magnus exhales a ragged breath. He closes his eyes against the storm of emotions wrecking through them. It's a catch-22, but he has to fight for them. This is his omega, trying to protect them, but it won't get them anywhere.

“It doesn't feel as if we should just sweep this under the rug, my love. I fear we have to talk about it,” Magnus states. Alec nods, running his free hand over his eyes.

“We could use the appointment at my therapist for a couple's session,” Magnus suggests. They did this before. “Or we could ask your therapist if you trust that setting more.”

Alec shakes his head. “No, it's a good idea. But we'll need someone for the boys. That's pretty short notice.”

“We'll find someone. I'll give Maia time off if need be.”

“She's your best barkeep.”

“And she's been great with our pups.”

Alec nods. “Alright then.”

Magnus squeezes his hand. “Thank you. I love you,” he says.

“I love you, too.”

Chapter Text

Alec tries his best to uncurl his fist, his blunt nails already leaving dents in the skin of his palms. God, he's so tense. No wonder, of course, but still.

He has sat in this very place before. Last time, they had left so happy, finally having talked through all of Magnus’ scares surrounding a potential pregnancy. It had felt like a triumph to hear his soft ‘yes’, to squeeze his hand in giddy excitement. And now they're back, so not where Alec thought that decision would lead them.

“Hightened omega instincts are normal at the beginning of a pregnancy,” Latonya, Magnus’ therapist, says. It's probably supposed to make Alec feel better but he knows this is what got the ball rolling.

“Magnus, you said you don't remember anything. What did you feel when you saw what happened on the screen?”

Magnus brushes his palms over his thighs. Alec feels his fingers prickle with the need to touch but he's not sure if that would be helpful or backfire. He's never questioned if his touch would be welcome before. Not with Magnus. The grief surrounding that loss tightens his chest.

“It was… like a bad dream. Not a nightmare just… You know that feeling when you wake up, shreds of your last dream lingering in your mind, and you can't quite put your finger on why it's so unsettling?”

Latonya nods.

“It's been like this ever since. It doesn't feel real, and still, it's there.”

Latonya hums in understanding.

“We know that wolfing out is a trigger for you. How did you react?”

Magnus shrugs. “I looked calm.”

“You were calm. You used your Voice, but well-dosed, just to pull me off the ledge.”

“If we talk wolfing out—how far did it go?” Latonya asks.

Alec lets out a ragged breath. “Eyes, fangs… growling,” he says, shame flooding him.

“No claws, I gather,” she asks. Alec shakes his head, unconsciously running his fingers over the back of his hand, the skin unbroken. He knows they lie beneath. It's a strange thought.

“Magnus, what would you call the behaviour you saw on the screen?”

Magnus wets his lips. “Territorial.”

“Hmm. And you, Alec? How would you describe your behaviour?”

“Shameful,” he croaks.

“Why's that?”

“Because Magnus has never given me a reason to be jealous or to believe he might stray.”

“He brought his ex to meet you,” Latonya points out.

“She's an ex for a reason,” Alec says, glancing at his mate. Magnus is smiling softly. “Magnus deserves friendship and familial connections that aren't built on blood. He's… He went through so much. More than I probably will ever know. I won't take that away from him. As much as I hate to make my hormones responsible for this but… I don't think I'd have reacted like that without the pregnancy.”

“I think so, too,” Magnus agrees.

“And still, you went into survival mode,” Latonya states.

“It pains me,” Magnus replies. “I haven't dissociated in so long.”

Alec gapes at him. “You talked to me. You called Catarina. We had a full conversation before you sent me away.”

“Dissociation can take on many forms, Alec. It's not just freezing or a stupor. In the past, Magnus showed symptoms of depersonalisation and dissociative amnesia.”

“But,” Magnus starts, trailing off immediately. He looks guilty and concerned at the same time.

“What does that mean?” Alec croaks.

“It's all in the past,” Magnus says so firmly it makes Alec's head flip.

“I don't think it is,” Latonya says.

“But Alec didn't attack me. He didn't hurt me,” Magnus argues, fingers curling and uncurling. Alec grabs his hand, pumping out soothing pheromones to calm his devastated alpha.

“It's not that simple,” Latonya states. “You went through a lot. Your brain might have kicked into survival mode more quickly than last time.”

Magnus snorts a mirthless laugh. “I had nothing to fear from Alec. He's the gentlest man I know.”

“A man protecting the father of his children from a nonexistent threat,” Latonya points out. “A man giving in to his wolf's instincts in a manner you've experienced before with dire consequences.”

Magnus runs his free hand over his mouth. Alec is glad that he's not letting go of him despite the agitation oozing off him in waves.

“And then, I hurt him,” Magnus presses out, lips quivering. Alec wouldn't have thought it possible, but Latonya's attention grows impossibly more intense.

“How?” she asks.

“Not physically,” Alec hastens to say, though it feels like a lie. “He… said things. But after what you just told us… maybe I should just forget about it. He wasn't himself, right? That's what depersonalisation sounds like.”

“It's a way that people can experience themselves. They feel like they're a stranger in their own body or looking at themselves from the outside.”

Alec nods in understanding. It would be so much easier if she just said Magnus wasn't of sound mind. He could get over that. Probably. With time.

“Maybe, we should look at what Magnus said that hurt you,” Latonya suggests.

Alec glances at Magnus. His mate nods, looking scared but steeling himself for the blow that's about to come. Alec swallows hard, feeling like crying. But he manages to keep it in. There's so much to unpack, to learn, to process. Magnus’ backstory seems like a ticking time bomb. Or not. Alec always sensed that there was pain Magnus never voiced. He contained it so well. Until he destroyed Magnus’ defences. Maybe they don't need a label for the special kind of dissociative flavour Alec's behaviour pulled out of him. Maybe talking about this and clearing away what's standing between them will make it all better. He hopes it will. God, he hopes it will.

“I told him that I was pregnant, and he… he accused me of pretending, of having an elaborate plan to fake a miscarriage.”

Latonya's face stays neutral, but her eyes tighten minutely as they study Magnus’ reaction.

“Oh, my god,” Magnus says, his voice barely above a whisper. He pulls away from Alec's touch and buries his face in his hands.

Latonya exhales so loudly, it's clearly a clue for them to latch on to, but Alec can't breathe. What is happening here?

“Magnus, are you with me?” Latonya asks. He nods. “Stay with us, okay?”

“I'm here,” he presses out, lowering his hands. “I'm here.”

“Good,” Latonya says. It sounds like praise. As she hands Magnus a peppermint roll-on, Alec gets the distinct feeling they've been at this point before.

“What's going on?” he asks, watching Magnus apply the biting oil.

“Is your bond open?” Latonya enquires.

“No,” Alec replies. “I've kept it closed since…”

“You might want to open it, Alec. Slowly.”

Alec nods, concentrating on doing just that. The bond is flooding with utter devastation. Alec gasps for air when the intensity pulls him under. How can Magnus look so steady while he's feeling like this?

“Babe,” Alec breathes. “Look at me.”

Magnus closes his eyes in response, shaking his head.

“It's okay. Just look at me,” Alec repeats. Magnus complies, however sluggishly slow. “There you are,” Alec says, chuckling nervously.

“I'm so sorry, Alexander.” Magnus sounds as if he's choking on every single word.

“You didn't mean it,” Alec presses out. How could he ever believe Magnus might?

Magnus shakes his head, casting his eyes down. “I… Latonya,” he all but pleads. Alec has never seen him like this.

“Do you want me to explain?” she asks.

Magnus nods, his hands twitching. Alec grabs one extra tight. It elicits a twisted smile from his alpha.

“That's what happened to him with Camille,” Latonya explains. “She wolfed out, fully. She blamed it on being pregnant. When Magnus found out she wasn't…”

“...she wolfed out even more, hurt Catarina, Ragnor, and…”

“...and Magnus,” Latonya finishes his sentence when he doesn't.

Alec sees the moment his own emotions hit the bond. Magnus’ eyes grow wide, his throat bobbing as he swallows through the wave of empathy, sadness, and utter rage.

“Why didn't you tell me before?” Alec asks in a whisper.

“What? That I was so happy to have a child with my ex that I ignored all of the warning signs? That I nearly mated someone before I met you?”

“Magnus,” Alec breathes. He gets how that could have come off, but he had pups with someone else, too.

“It wouldn't have changed a thing.”

“I'm not so sure,” Magnus says. “What would you have thought of me, knowing I got into building Lego as a therapeutic exercise? Would you have let me near your kids if you knew what seed I come from?”

“You are the furthest from Asmodeus than one could ever be.”

“So… Magnus told you about his father.”

“He mentioned him today. I remember watching…” Alec shakes his head. Mentioning that he once loved true crime stuff is probably not the best thing right now.

“You've been through so much, Magnus. I can't even fathom how much work and will you needed to get through and over all that.”

“Well, I obviously didn't,” Magnus says, self-hatred dripping out of every syllable.

“One episode doesn't erase that.”

“I hurt you. What if I hurt you again? Maxwell. Rafael. These pups,” Magnus asks. It doesn't stay unnoticed that it's the first time he’s mentioned the twins since the playground.

“You'd never hurt them,” Alec insists, warmth filling his chest. “You'd never touch them any other way than with love and care. Like you've touched me since the day we met. The fact that you retreated into yourself instead of humiliating me, instead of overpowering me physically or mentally... You could've used your Voice to destroy me, but you were gentle, even in your distress. Because this is who you are, Magnus. You're love and care at your core, and even the terrible things you accused me of…”

“Those weren't loving or caring,” Magnus croaks.

“You were reliving an old memory. You were trying to protect your heart,” Alec argues.

“Why are you looking for excuses?”

“Because… when I leave my tunnel vision and ignore all my insecurities… I know who you are, Magnus Lightwood-Bane. I may not know all the details, but I know the man my heart desires. I know the man who nursed me back to health, who I trust my kids with when I have to work in another city, and who I want to raise our four pups with. I know the man who made me believe I deserve a happy ending. And if he can't believe in that for himself right now, I'll fight every single one of his demons until he does.”

Magnus huffs a surprised laugh.

“But these demons, they are part of me, Alexander. I thought I put them away for good.”

“I get that. But I can still help you. Right, doc?”

Latonya smiles. “Support is always welcome. Magnus is very good at spotting approaching episodes and has techniques to deal with them. All things considered, I think this was an unfortunate situation of unusual circumstances. Maybe your wolf had latched onto Alec's pregnancy. It could mess with your brain chemistry as much as it did with Alec's. We should be cautious and talk about the triggers and signs for Alec to look out for. Just to be safe.”

Magnus exhales slowly but he's still struggling. Alec can feel it.

“Hey. We're getting there. One step after another,” Alec says. “Rome wasn't built in a day. Isn't that what you always tell our pups when they struggle with something?”

Magnus huffs a laugh. It holds a pinch of humour. Finally. He glances at Alec.

“It's always so much easier to tell that to others.”

“You've done more than the groundwork already,” Latonya says. “And this was only a step back on a very long journey, Magnus. You've come so far.”

Alec squeezes Magnus’ hand to emphasise that he’s agreeing with her.

“It's going to be okay, my love,” he insists.

“My beacon of hope,” Magnus says, petting Alec's cheek gently.

“Nah. It’s just positivity that rubbed up on me from you,” Alec states matter-of-factly and leans in for a peck on Magnus’ cheek.

Chapter Text

“Hey,” Lydia says, looking up at Alec standing in the doorway of her office.

”Got a minute?” he asks.

“For you? Always,” she replies, smiling. “Are you okay? Your texts were rather… cryptic.”

Alec nods and closes the door behind him, earning himself a questioning eyebrow.

“Can you put your friend ears on for a minute?” he asks.

“Sure. What's up?” Lydia asks, leaning back in her leather desk chair, scrutinising him. Is she watching for signs of him wolfing out again? He hopes not. And with only the two of them, it won't happen anyway.

“Gotta tell you something. And you might not like it.”

Lydia quirks an amused smile, gesturing for Alec to sit down, but he moves into his soldier stance instead. He's still a little tense. The past few days have been a lot.

“This is hard to say,” he starts. It shouldn't be. This is his best friend. She'll be happy for him. He knows that. But she might also be disappointed on a professional level. She invested so much into his career, and while she knew they were trying for a child, this will still come as a surprise. Timing was never in his favour.

He shuffles his feet before he forces himself to stand still. He exhales deeply. Here goes nothing.

“You're pregnant,” Lydia blurts out, giggling when she sees Alec's flabbergasted face.

“You know?”

Lydia shrugs. “I figured it out. Last time you growled at me…”

“...was when I had Max.”

“Yeah.”

She had been a widow for mere months back then. The first trimester was a struggle until they realised that they had to meet when Melanie wasn't around. Well, that didn't turn out to be a problem. His alpha started to have more and more ‘business trips’ that time around.

“I hate this,” Alec says. Without Magnus in his vicinity, it's okay, but he knows he'll have to be careful about being out and about with his alpha until everything has settled. He won't risk another episode. Not if he can help it.

“It's your hormones, Alec. It's normal.”

Not every omega is like that, he wants to protest, but he is, and yes, there's little he can do about it. It's ingrained fears of loss, his first ob-gyn said. The man didn't even know him that well. Maybe it's a cliché or the fact that he didn't only lose his father when he was still a pup but also his mother's devotion when he presented. It's no excuse to act like that, however. Alec has always prided himself on having his wolf under control.

“My wolf's on a short leash. He nearly killed me yesterday,” Alec jokes, because, if anything, he's great at suppressing trauma. If one can call it that. After today's revelations, Alec doesn't want to complain ever again. Everything seems small compared to what his mate went through. And he had no fucking clue!

“What?!” Lydia all but yells, making Alec shush her.

“I'm alright, Lyd. But that's why I needed to work from home and took the afternoon off. Magnus and I… we had a therapy session to talk about stuff. We both had pining sickness.”

Lydia's face falls. “This is getting worse by the second. What happened? Did Magnus reject the pups?”

Alec shakes his head. “It's more complicated than that,” he settles on. He has no right to share Magnus’ trauma and medical history with her. “We're good. And he's happy about the pups. Worried, of course, but…” That's a whole other topic to deal with later.

“Alec,” Lydia breathes. “Separation sickness doesn't just develop out of thin air. It needed John to die for me to go through it.”

Alec winces at the memory. It nearly killed her. It certainly stole a part of her, the grief sometimes still palpable after all these years. For someone as close to her as Alec, at least.

“What did he do?” Lydia asks, leaning forward, her eyes intensely focused on him. She reminds him of Maryse when she is like that.

“Lyd,” Alec pleads, shaking his head. The two of them never had secrets from one another. But this is… he doesn't know how to contain the pain yet. He's just shoved it to the side for now.

“Alec,” Lydia pushes. Alec feels his defensive walls crumble. She knows him too well, probably looking right through his facade of strength.

“He said something he didn't mean.”

“That doesn't sound like Magnus.”

Alec exhales sharply. “I know. That's why it cut so deep that I thought he was rejecting me. But… he wasn't himself at that moment. He was…” He takes a ragged breath. “He wants the pups. He wants me. That's all that matters.”

The words don't help to ease the frown on Lydia's face.

“Did he punish you for wolfing out?”

“What? No! He's not that kind of alpha. You know that.”

Lydia worries her bottom lip. “I've seen it with friends, again and again. First, their alphas are progressive and kind, but then… boom!”

“This is Magnus we're talking about.”

Lydia gives him a sad look. “Is it about your promotion? Does he want you to stop working?”

Alec gapes at her. “We haven't even talked about that. We were busy cleaning up the mess I made.”

“The mess you made?”

“I wolfed out. It triggered him. He's been there before.”

“With Camille.”

Alec gapes at her. “How do you know about her?”

“Dot said she picked up the pieces even years after Magnus broke up with her.”

Alec slumps into a chair. “She just shared that?”

“She was worried, Alec. Can't blame a friend for making sure history isn't repeating itself, can you?”

Probably not.

“What did you say?” Alec asks.

“That I've never seen you wolf out before and that this was completely at odds with the man I know you to be. I didn't want to blurt out your secret. I'm sure she'll understand when you share the good news ”

“She must hate me for ruining Magnus’ big night.”

“Didn't look as if you did. He was busy entertaining his guests whenever I saw him, chatting, laughing, mingling...”

Alec furrows his brow. Latonya said that some forms of dissociation can't be seen from the outside and that people going through them seem completely normal, interacting with others as if everything was alright. Magnus sure acted inconspicuously with him. Colder maybe, cut off from his emotions, but would that be recognisable by people who are not as familiar with him? Lydia is, though. But she probably only saw him interacting from afar.

“He's a professional,” Alec states. He doesn't know what hurts more: the prospect of Magnus enjoying himself while Alec was waiting for him like a scolded puppy or Magnus having to armour up and function throughout a phase of distress. But maybe, he didn't feel anything. Or he felt too much, and that's why his brain decided to erase the memory.

Has it happened before without either of them realising? Did Magnus ever use his coping techniques without telling him? Did everybody know about Magnus’ struggles save him?

“I can relate to that,” Lydia says. They share a knowing look. As omegas, they both have to hide their emotions so as not to be labelled difficult, hormonal or worse.

“If you need time to decide what your next steps will be, then I can postpone the announcement,” Lydia offers after a stretch of silence.

“You still want me as Head?”

“Alec, of course, I do.”

“I'm pregnant. With twins.”

“So you pull out?” she asks.

“I don't wanna, but… let's be realistic. What other options do I have?”

“Magnus could stay at home with the babies.” It sounds like a quip but she's likely serious. And it is a possibility. Magnus was the head of a family before he came of age, raising pups, and caring for them as if they were his and not just orphans and abandoned pups a few years younger than him. As mates, they share household and family duties. They are equals. But there are also societal expectations, and Magnus loves his job. So does Alec.

“You can take the job and decide later,” Lydia adds. “You still got what? 35 weeks left?”

“If the pups make it to the finish line,” Alec says, frowning at his stomach.

“If not, that's what proxies are for, Alec. Your health and that of your pups is my main concern.”

“Because you're my friend.”

“Because I care for my employees. And because I want you to have a good pregnancy for once.”

“Rafe's wasn't too bad.”

Lydia raises an eyebrow. Okay, he was a mess pretty much from start to finish. But he wasn't sick and his eldest was born one day after his due date, a healthy little perfect pup.

“Next time, tell me when shit hits the fan,” Lydia says firmly. It says a lot about their friendship that she knows he didn't reach out to anybody else for support.

“I hope that won't be necessary.”

Lydia exhales. “Alright. Off you go.”

“Yeah,” Alec says. “I gotta finish the Rey proposal.”

“You gotta go home and spend time with your mate,” Lydia says, her tone brooking no backtalk.

“Lyd.”

“That's an order. Don't make me use my Voice.”

Alec snorts a laugh. It's been a running gag between them since college how authoritative they both can sound if they want to. Nearly like alphas. “It's because you're born leaders,” Lydia's father used to say. Alec wishes his mother would have seen it that way, too. He could be in a very different place in his life. But it is what it is.

“Is there a deadline until you want my final decision?” Alec asks, relaxing his stance.

“Sometime before the onset of labour would be great,” Lydia smirks. Alec chuckles. He's lucked out with having her as his boss.

He nods in lieu of a goodbye and turns to the door.

“What? You're gonna leave without a celebratory hug?” Lydia's amused voice comes from behind. She gets up, grinning from face to face. “I am so happy for you,” she says and pulls him into a tight embrace. “I hope everything will go the way you dreamt it to be,” she speaks against his shoulder. “Don't push yourself. No need to play the hero, save for your little ones, do you understand?”

“Copy that,” Alec says, squeezing back. “Thank you.”

Lydia pulls away and cups his face for a moment, her scent not smelling like a threat at all but familiar and soothing. Alec feels like he can breathe a little bit easier now.

“You're welcome.”

Chapter Text

“They were angels. As usual,” Lilly, their babysitter, chuckles. “Rafe was in his room, mostly,” she adds.

“I'll check on him,” Magnus says and gives the college student her payment. “Thank you for jumping in on such short notice.”

“No problem. I haven't sat for them for a while. I thought you’d replaced me,” she smirks.

“Never. We simply didn't have much time to go out lately.”

She nods and grabs her jacket. “Say hi to Alec,” she says before she heads down the front steps of the house. Magnus closes the door behind her and exhales slowly. He's knackered, as if he had run the New York marathon without training. But he has to adult now. At least, his wolf is calm with Alec's scent marks all over him.

Still, he can't wait for his husband to be home, to feel physically that they're going to be okay. It's probably a lot to ask for the comfort of his closeness. Alec learnt things today he had kept away from him. Will he see it as a betrayal or as the protection that it was supposed to be?

One of the many beautiful gifts of meeting Alec was that he didn't know about his past. Not about certain things. Magnus could present himself as the man he had become, not the one he used to be. Alec's image of him wasn't tinged by his past. Magnus didn't lie to him, but he surely arranged the anecdotes about his life in a matter that left out the worst.

But now, Alec knows, can put puzzle pieces together, at least. He'll have questions. So many questions, and Magnus’ eyes burn with tears already.

He finds the peppermint roll-on Latonya gave him during their session in the pocket of his jeans. He checks on himself, looks for the telltale signs, but he's painfully anchored in reality. Fortunately.

He puts it back into his pocket and walks up the stairs, knocking on Rafael's door.

“Hey, honey,” he greets quietly. “Is Max already out?”

Rafael nods, putting his book down.

“Thanks for tucking him in,” Magnus says, smiling at his little one. “How was your day?”

“It was okay,” Rafael replies. “I had a stomach ache, but I pushed through.”

“Oh, honey. Is it better now?” Magnus asks and sits down on the edge of the bed. Rafael chews his bottom lip.

“Where's Dad?” he asks in lieu of an answer.

“He had to go to work. He had’t been in all day.”

Rafael nods.

“What is it?” Magnus asks.

“He's coming home, right?”

“Where else would he go?”

Rafael shrugs. “Madzie's parents got divorced,” he says quietly, “and then, she lived with her grandmother, and now…”

“Honey, what are you asking?” Magnus croaks, his throat suddenly desert dry.

Rafael's eyes are filled with tears when he looks up. “Are you getting a divorce?”

“No. No, of course not,” Magnus hastens to say. “Dad and I, we had a rough weekend. But, no. You don't need to worry about such things. We love each other. Our wolves were a little out of whack. That can happen sometimes. But we're taking care of it, okay? I'm so sorry we made you worry. Everything is fine.”

It's not completely true, but it will be. It has to.

“Next time, you tell your teacher that you're not feeling well, and we'll pick you up, okay? No need to push through,” Magnus says.

“Okay, Papa,” the boy replies. Magnus places a kiss on his forehead.

“Thirty more minutes,” he reminds him.

“Good night,” Rafael says.

“Sweet dreams, honey,” Magnus replies and leaves for the kitchen. Alec will be hungry when he comes home. Magnus wasn't exactly happy about him going to work, but his mate promised that he was fine. That is such a stretchable word. Especially coming from Alexander Lightwood-Bane.

He's always so strong. Today was no exception. He's taking everything like a champ, giving room for other people's needs. But Magnus can't stop thinking about what he said to Alec the other night. On the one hand, he's glad that Alec drew a line in the sand, that he took care of his heart. But, on the other, there was also pain he didn't give room to, anger he didn't let out. And now, he's in caring omega mode, picking up the pieces that others caused. It's not fair. It's not what Magnus wants him to do.

He doesn't hear the front door opening, too deep in thought. He startles when he hears Alec's quiet, “Hi.”

“Hey. You're back early,” Magnus huffs.

“Lydia sent me home. Thought it was better if I'm with you.”

“Did you…?” Magnus starts but trails off.

“No,” Alec says after a moment. “I can be around single omegas, just not with my mate. It's so stupid. But it'll subside when I start showing. Which should be earlier this time. Third pregnancy, twins and all that.”

Magnus nods, quirking a smile. It does make sense for an expecting omega to keep their alpha close.

“I can't believe you're pregnant,” he says without thinking. He winces when he sees the wave of pain running over Alec's face. “That was an unfortunate choice of words. Let me rephrase this,” Magnus says, taking Alec's hand. “It's so hard to fathom what stunning things your body is doing right now.” He cups Alec's cheek. “I can't wait to meet them. Our beautiful pups.”

Alec's eyes fill with tears. The sight twists like a knife in Magnus’ heart. He caused so much pain. It'll take time for Alec to heal from that.

“That's going to take a while. They’re the size of a sweet pea right now,” Alec chuckles.

“The sweetest peas in the most gorgeous pod,” Magnus says. “How are you feeling?”

“I'm good,” Alec says.

“Today's been a lot,” Magnus states.

“Yeah. It'll take a moment to process all that. How are you holding up?”

“I'm… exhausted,” Magnus breathes. “Let me feed you, and then, I'll retire for bed if that's okay with you.”

“We can go now. I'm not hungry,” Alec says. Magnus raises an eyebrow.

“Did you have anything since breakfast?”

Alec shakes his head.

“You're pregnant. You need food.”

“I have enough body fat for the pups not to starve,” Alec quips.

“Do you think that's why you fell pregnant? Because we finally got a few pounds on your ribs?”

Alec huffs a laugh. “Maybe. Don't be smug about it.”

Magnus chuckles and pulls out the ingredients to make Korean street toast.

“Are you having any cravings yet?” he asks.

“No. Those come later.”

“What did you crave in the past?”

“Chocolate with Rafe. Chalk with Max.”

“Chalk?”

“I had a calcium deficiency. It got better when I took supplements.”

Magnus hums in acknowledgement. “I got you pregnancy vitamins on my way home. And a blood pressure monitor. And urine sticks.”

“Magnus,” Alec sighs.

“That's what we agreed on.”

“Yes. But only in the second half of the pregnancy, you worrywort,” Alec teases but Magnus can't join in the fun. He nods, busying himself with the food.

“I already messed up at the beginning,” he murmurs to the stove. “I won't fail you in the future.”

There's a moment of suffocating silence before Alec's hands settles on his shoulders, grounding and sure.

“Hey. It's okay.”

Magnus shakes his head. “It isn't. I hurt you.”

“You didn't mean to.”

“That doesn't erase the harm my words did, the trust they broke. You were right. This should have been the happiest moment of our life, and I ruined it.”

Alec swallows hard. “But what can we do? It is what it is.”

“Yes,” Magnus says. “But… we can honour these feelings, don't push them away just because it would be easier to do so. I want you to feel safe with me, and I know that this must all have been unsettling to you. Just know that I will do everything in my power to remedy as much as I can.”

“I know, babe,” Alec replies, embracing him from behind. “I know.”

Chapter Text

Alec pulls his shirt over his head, discarding it in the washing bin in the corner of their bedroom. He really needs to do the laundry, but he's too tired for that today.

He catches a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror, strangely surprised by it. He hasn't felt his body properly for days—an old habit he thought to have left behind. But it could have been worse…

He huffs at his gratefulness. He didn't hurt himself. Not physically, at least. It wasn't a relapse, technically speaking. But he cut himself wide open, back at the playground, expecting Magnus to inflict the pain on him which his fingers were itching to do—until the agonising numbness would subside and the physical pain would take over the one in his heart. It was way too easy to slip back into that unhealthy place. Dissecting that with his shrink will be a tedious ordeal.

But now, he's back in his body. With the ache in his heart fading away, he can feel the tenseness in his shoulders, the soreness of his joints from being pulled taut like a bowstring for way too long. Running his fingers over his stomach, he feels the bumps of his scars, familiar and grounding. They've been itchy for days, but with everything going on, he neither had the time nor the headspace to ponder why.

Hormones, likely. Pregnancy hormones.

It's hitting him with a surprising force that this is real. He's with pups. Magnus’ pups. He knew that, of course, but for the first time, he allows himself to fully grasp the vastness of it. Their family will grow, their life will change in unpredictable ways. Max will become a big brother. How will he react to that? And Rafael? His eldest always struggles with change, every diversion from the usual a reason to worry and brood. Just like his dad. Alec wishes he were more like his mother in such things. Overthinking can lead you to dark places and keep you stuck. He knows that just too well. It can be such a self-destructive pattern. He wants better for his son, wants him to be carefree. He'll do all in his power to make it so.

“Hey,” a warm voice from the bedroom door pulls him out of his thoughts. “Are you doing alright?”

Alec chuckles, heat filling his cheek for being caught staring at his reflection for so long. “Stop worrying, babe.”

“Oh, I've just started,” Magnus quips. It actually sounds light. Alec lets go of the breath that had refused to completely leave his lungs all evening.

“I'd hoped so,” he says. It sounds like a confession. Maybe, it is one. He needs Magnus to take care of him. No! He wants him to.

Magnus graces him with a soft, knowing smile. He walks closer, hovering beside him, his hand floating in front of Alec's stomach. Hesitating, Alec realises, and that just won't do.

“Magnus,” he says, hoping it hits just the sweet spot between acted annoyance and gentle teasing. It seems to do the trick as Magnus’ warm hand settles on his skin.

“You're incredible,” Magnus breathes, brushing his fingers gently over his stomach.

“Nah,” Alec replies. “Omegas fall pregnant all the time.”

“Still working on that accepting-compliments front, are we?” Magnus says with way too much graveness for Alec's liking.

“You know me.” He shrugs.

“Yes, I do,” Magnus says, pressing his cheek against Alec's shoulder as he studies their reflection in the mirror. “But I fear this weekend cast us back quite a bit.”

“We're fine, Magnus,” Alec replies, unease claiming his stomach once again.

“We will be. I know we'll be, Alexander. But with what I said to you… I can imagine it latched on to all the wrong places.”

Alec doesn't ask what he means by that. Magnus knows him inside out. And he's right. Alec can't think of a good deflection so he refrains from saying anything. His alpha usually understands him without many words anyway.

“What do you need right now?” Magnus asks with that calm inflection he always saves for delicate moments. Alec doesn't know how he does it—being kind and caring when the world threw such unthinkable things at him. Things he'd hidden so deeply, Alec never even had the thought to ask. Magnus talked about his mother with so much love, yet never mentioned a father. Alec simply assumed he had always been out of the picture, didn't want to pry. In the light of what he knows now, he should ask Magnus for his needs, not the other way around. But here they are.

“You,” Alec replies. “All I need is you. Skin to skin?” It wasn't meant to but it comes out as a question. Magnus is right. They'll be okay, but they aren't. Not yet. The weight of days full of fear and revelations lie heavy on both of their shoulders. But, at least, they're carrying it together now.

“That's exactly what I need, too,” Magnus says and presses a kiss to Alec's cheek. He pulls away, leaving Alec to undress. Which Alec is grateful for. He wants to feel Magnus, but he needs to get there on his own. His husband knows him just too well. Is Asmodeus the reason why Magnus is so perceptive? That's what people living in constant fear learn to do, right? Becoming empaths just to survive. Alec's heart aches for little Magnus, and for grown-up Magnus, too.

Was he even Magnus, back when his father put him through hell? Bane wasn't Asmodeus’ name. And ‘Magnus’ doesn't strike Alec as Indonesian. He'll ask him. But not tonight. Tonight, he'd rather let their bodies talk. Words have been spoken enough.

Alec undresses slowly and slips under the cover of their nest. He listens to Magnus puttering about in the bathroom, doing quick work of his evening routine. His face is barren when he returns, no tiger stripes. This is his Magnus, and no one else's. The thought swirls warmly through Alec's chest.

“What are you smiling about?” Magnus asks as he slides under the raised cover.

“Just… how beautiful you are.”

Magnus arches a surprised eyebrow.

“Can't help it,” Alec adds, shrugging.

“No apologies needed,” Magnus smirks and scoots up to him. An involuntary sound falls from Alec's lips when their skin touches.

“That okay?” Magnus asks. Alec hums in affirmation and nestles closer, nuzzling against Magnus’ neck, the tension in his body finally bleeding out as he bathes in his alpha's scent. Magnus hugs him close, holds him – and probably himself – together. Alec feels like he'll be knocked out from exhaustion in a matter of seconds.

“I love you,” Magnus whispers into Alec's hair, again and again, like a mantra, a prayer, a plea. He kisses it into their mating bite, murmurs it as he presses his hand over Alec's heart, as he caresses his stomach, pulling him close until there's no space left between them. The words wash warmly over Alec's skin, lull him into a cocoon of fuzziness, putting him back together. Maybe not piece by piece, but the gaps are filling up, the sharp edges slowly smoothing out. Alec's omega purrs with contentment. It's not all good, but it's good for now.

Chapter Text

The applause ebbing away, Alec nods to his future staff.

“Everyone back to work,” Aldertree announces. Alec's just glad that soon, he'll never have to hear his grinding voice ever again.

“It's no fun, taming them,” Aldertree continues. Alec rolls his eyes. This man has no respect for his colleagues, talking about them as if they were underlings. “You have to guide them with an iron fist,” Aldertree continues. “If you think you're capable of that.”

What an asshole!

“Leadership can be achieved in many ways,” Alec states. He won't discuss his plans with this man. He's suffered under his ‘guidance’ for years. The breath of relief amongst his colleagues was palpable when Lydia announced Alec as his successor.

“Omegan softness won't get you far,” Aldertree says. “Although… with your connections…”

It's the equivalent of spitting into his face but an emotional reaction would only prove Aldertree's sexist point. Lydia was clear: He got the position because he was the best for it, not because Alec is her friend. Still, he knows many of his colleagues are likely to think that, too. He'll have to prove them wrong. It's a daunting thought, working against prejudice on top of all the responsibilities his new position will bring. Lydia chose him for more than his talents. He's the flagship omega, hopefully paving the way for many others. And he still hasn't come to a decision. Granted, it's only been three days that he even knows he's pregnant. Lydia is right. He has time.

‘Not enough,’ a voice in the back of his head whispers. What if the pups come early? He has to get so much done over the next few months, no matter whether he passes on the baton or not.

“Mr Lightwood-Bane has worked hard for his promotion,” a voice reaches his ear. “Nobody blew smoke up his arse.”

Alec glances at Sebastian, the smirk on the blond's face shiteating if he's ever seen one.

“I worked hard to climb the career ladder just for him to stumble upwards,” Aldertree grinds out.

“Let's be serious, Victor,” Sebastian doesn't take the bait. “Mr Lightwood-Bane has had more visions for the New York Institute than you've had since the day you started here.”

“Ms Branwell…” Altertree starts.

“Mr Lightwood-Bane is as much her protégée as you are Imogen's,” Sebastian cuts him off. “And everyone here knows you only got the job because she owed your old man. So let's not pretend you're a selfmade man. You're dismissed.”

Aldertree looks as if he were to explode any second but he retreats with a clenched jaw.

“Got a minute?” Sebastian asks.

“Sure, Mr Verlac,” Alec replies.

“It's Sebastian,” he says, offering his hand. Alec huffs a laugh and shakes it.

“Alec.”

Sebastian nods and beckons him to his office.

“I'd like to have your thoughts on a few proposals from our office Downtown.”

“Isn't Aline responsible for those?” Alec asks, closing the door on Sebastian's sign.

“Under the seal of secrecy: She's pregnant and out with… I forgot what it's called. A very bad case of morning sickness.”

“Hyperemesis gravidarum?”

“Yep, that one,” Sebastian replies, shuffling papers. Alec makes a noise of sympathy. He had that, too. Both times. Now, he's not even feeling sick. Maybe it's a bad sign. Like the missing scent shift. But Alec pushes the thought away. The pups were fine three days ago. He'd rather ignore what has happened since then.

“We gotta cover for her or my not so honourable colleagues will find a way to replace her,” Sebastian continues. “I can't lose her.”

“Isn't she your cousin?” Alec asks, flabbergasted. If not even family ties can protect a high achieving omega, then what will?

Sebastian nods in reply, eyes tightening as he studies Alec's reaction.

“We're not gonna let that happen. Show me the proposals,” Alec says. Fuck the geriatric alphas on the executive floor! Aline is brilliant, and she is suffering enough right now.

“I knew you'd understand,” Sebastian says, a gentle smile playing on his lips. Alec freezes minutely. Does he know? Lydia wouldn't… would she? No, no way. He means omega solidarity or something.

“We just need to cover it up until Aldertree is gone. He's such a pain in the arse,” Sebastian says. Alec nods. Two weeks. He can do that.

“He doesn't want to get another check up?” Catarina asks, handing Magnus a cup of tea before she settles on the sofa next to him.

“You know how stubborn he is,” Magnus replies.

Catarina hums. “Your eyes tell me that you don't think it's just that.”

Magnus breathes a sigh. She knows him too well.

“It's not like him not to worry. I mean, he had a fever.”

“Omegas have an uncanny way of knowing if something's wrong with their pups,” Catarina says.

“Isn't that some myth?” Magnus asks.

“I've seen it in the ER. Their wolf just knows. If Alec isn't worrying, maybe you shouldn't either.”

Magnus blows over his tea. “That's easier said than done, my dear.”

“I know,” she says, smiling warmly.

Magnus breathes a sigh. “Rafael was worried about us. About our marriage.”

“He's a smart, sensitive boy. Of course he was,” Catarina says. “Did you tell him what happened?”

Magnus shakes his head. “Only that he doesn't have to worry.”

Catarina snorts a laugh. “As if that would be enough for mini Alec.”

“He's just like him, isn't he? God, I messed up bigtime.”

“I don't wanna say I told you so…”

Magnus huffs a mirthless laugh. “But you did. You told me to play with open cards right from the start. It was just… such a gift. He didn't know who I used to be, that destructive force.”

“You had one year of acting out after your last foster family kicked you out. Magnus, you were eighteen. That was more than half your life ago. And you harmed yourself more than anyone else.”

“I was my father's son,” Magnus says, the memories leaving a bitter taste in his mouth.

“You didn't deceive others, lie, kill…”

Magnus closes his eyes. He knows she's mostly right. Maybe protecting Alec from his past was more for his own sake, so that he didn't have to face his shame.

“I nearly didn't make it back from London,” he says. They never really talked about how close he was to leaving this world.

“But you did,” Catarina says. “And you pulled yourself together, got a job… You've saved so many people ever since. Do you think Jem would have gone to Juilliard without you? Do you think Raphael would be a priest? These two alone give the world so much joy and love, and that's your legacy. Not the man who sired you, who took your beloved mother and put you through agony.”

“I was still broken when I met Alec. I still am.”

“We all are, Magnus. But we make the most of it. You're a great alpha, a wonderful father, a cornerstone for our pack.”

“Right now, I feel like I'm failing in all of these areas.”

Catarina squeezes his knee. “You're not. You're too hard on yourself. If Alec can forgive you, why can't you?”

“Because the harm I did isn't gone. It'll always taint the story of this pregnancy.”

“And?”

“And? Alec had a shitty alpha the last times around. But Melanie never hurt him like I did.”

“Because only love can hurt like this. That's part of the deal.”

“Well, it shouldn't be. We're true mates. Why is nothing ever easy?”

Catarina chuckles softly. “Who claimed it should ever be? Fernando and I argue all the time. So what? We love each other. We respect each other. We care for each other. It's not easy because we chose to make it work, again and again. And you, my friend, are a fighter. I know it's scary because Alec and your pups mean so much to you. Just… do what you do best.”

“And what would that be?”

“Be gentle and kind, persistent and honest. And it will be good. I promise you that.”

Magnus quirks a lopsided smile.

“Alec hates when I mollycoddle him.”

“He doesn't.”

Magnus arches an eyebrow.

“He doesn't because he knows you'll respect him, no matter what,” Catarina elaborates. She has a point.

“I won't fail him again,” Magnus says.

“You didn't,” Catarina insists. “First, you tried to survive. That was out of your control. Important is what you did after. And you didn't fail him then. You saved his life and that of your pups.”

“If they're okay,” Magnus murmurs and takes a sip from his tea.

“Give him time. It's only been a few days.”

Magnus exhales slowly and nods. What would he do without his best friend?

Chapter Text

“Hey,” Magnus says. “Working late again?” Alec looks at him with an unreadable expression on his face.

“Yes, I have to cover for someone,” he replies, hovering in the kitchen’s doorway.

“Cover?” Magnus asks, putting down the wet dishcloth. He thought Lydia would accommodate for Alec's condition, not use him to help other people.

“Yeah, a pregnant omega. They’re being violently sick,” Alec explains. Magnus leans against the cabinet and swallows the critique building on his tongue. Of course, Alec would sub for a fellow omega. Magnus is well aware that despite the company’s progressive politics, omegas are far from being safe from sexist discrimination. The old guard is taking care of that.

“Are you feeling up for it?” he asks instead. Alec likely feels his concern over the bond. No need to put it into words.

“Yeah. I’m good. Just tired. Sorry.”

“For what?” Magnus asks, walking closer.

“You had to manage the evening all on your own.”

Magnus cups Alec’s cheek and places a kiss on his lips. “No worries, Alexander. You sent me a message, right?”

Alec nods, exhaling in obvious relief. Did he worry that Magnus would be angry? It tears on the alpha’s heart. Just a week ago, a late night wouldn’t have bothered either of them. Do they have to rebuild their foundation of trust from the basics? Magnus hopes it’s just a small disruption that will go away soon. This is not who they are.

“I’ll heat up dinner for you,” Magnus says, turning to the fridge.

“I can do that,” Alec interrupts him. “You already cooked. Time to put your feet up, babe.”

The endearment wraps warmly around Magnus’ heart. Alec never uses it when anything is amiss.

“I wanna hear about your day, love,” Magnus still protests. “But maybe you could eat in the living room?”

“Sounds perfect,” Alec replies. He leans in for another kiss, this one lingering. He probably needs as much reassurance as Magnus.

“Is Saturday still on or do you want me to cancel Lilly?” Alec asks as he gets cutlery from the drawer. Magnus needs a moment to figure out what he means.

“Date night,” he blurts out when he gets it. He scolds himself inwardly. He’s still being thrown off track.

“Yeah. I wasn’t sure if you trust me with going out,” Alec says, pushing a knife into Magnus’ chest, probably without even knowing.

“Of course, I trust you, Alexander.” He does. He truly does.

“We could just go to your place and order take-out,” Alec offers. It sounds tempting but that would kinda contradict what Magnus just said, and they’re still on thin ice.

“How did you manage in the past?” Magnus asks.

“It was okay. I can control my wolf when I know what to look out for.”

Magnus looks at his reflection in the glass of the microwave. He knows that Alec is good at taming his animal. He’s never been ruled by the wolf living in his limbic system. Save for the beginning of their relationship, which was a big deal for Alec and is connected to what happened at the party.

“I don’t want to hide if we could have dinner at Luigi’s instead,” Magnus states.

Alec quirks a lopsided smile. “Maybe he can put us at the table of our first date there, far away from the crowd and way too close to the kitchen to smell anything but the food,” he quips. Magnus huffs a laugh. That was a rather unfortunate event. Magnus nearly renounced ever returning after his old acquaintance treated Alec like a pariah, the old-school alpha that he was. But Alec loves their food, and Luigi has warmed up to him now.

“We could at least try,” Alec says, eyes hopeful.

“Sure,” Magnus replies, swallowing the lump in his throat. A warm hand cupping the back of his neck makes him exhale despite doing nothing against the tension claiming his body.

“Talk to me,” Alec probes gently. Magnus closes his eyes, hanging on to the grounding presence of Alec’s scent.

“It’s going to be wonderful,” he says firmly. He’s so tired of the heaviness lying over every single one of their conversations. Date night should be something to look forward to, not dread.

“Yes, but we should talk if you don’t feel confident that I’m gonna behave.”

Magnus’ eyes shoot open wide, the surge of his emotions hitting Alec with hardly any delay. He takes a step back, clearly reeling from it.

“I’m sorry,” Magnus presses out, reaching for him. Alec lets him, so he’s probably just overwhelmed. It’s like at the beginning. Even their bond has to settle again, so it seems. Alec laughs it off after his first shocked reaction, still gasping for air.

“I’m okay,” he says, taking deep breaths. They share shy smiles, not used to it anymore. Magnus turns his attention back to the microwave.

“This isn’t about me, am I right?” Alec asks. Of course, he doesn't let it slide.

Magnus shakes his head.

“Then what is it?”

Magnus pulls the steaming meal out of the microwave. “You can control your wolf, but I can’t control my brain,” he replies evenly.

“Magnus,” Alec breathes. “It’s okay.”

“No. It is not. I… I thought this was behind me,” Magnus says with more force than he intended to.

Alec nods in understanding. “But you said you had small episodes over the last few years. I never realised… And now, I know. If you’re acting strange, I know why.”

Magnus breathes a sigh. “I don’t want you to deal with all that, Alexander. I don’t wanna be that version of myself, going on autopilot just because my nervous system can’t take reality.”

“You’re way too hard on yourself,” Alec says. “Everyone dissociates at times. That’s what Latonya said. Hell, I sure did on the subway tonight. I nearly missed our station.”

Magnus knows he just wants to comfort him. And it works. Alec always has that effect on him.

“I know. I do. It’s just… I chose my name for a reason…”

Alec’s fingers grace his arm, nudging him to get closer without force. He ends up in Alec’s arms, breathing in his scent right from the source.

“Wanna talk about it?” Alec asks, giving him an out. But Catarina was right. Alec should know, deserves to know. Magnus nods towards the living room, and Alec follows him in silence, settling with his food on the sofa.

“Do you remember that I told you that I worked hard to get my pack out of the orphanage?”

Alec nods.

“Well, I wasn’t completely honest with you when I told you about that. I didn’t do that right away. When I turned eighteen, Asmodeus had just died behind bars, and I was his sole heir. There were people he owed money to, dangerous people who wanted to drag me into his deeds of darkness. So I took my inheritance, sold his house, and moved to England. I changed my name to what I thought I was: a big burden, blight, poison.”

“Why?” Alec asks, flabbergasted. Magnus works his jaw, tears pricking his eyes.

“If it hadn’t been for me, my mother would have left him, and she’d still be alive.” Magnus brushes away the tears running over his face.

“I took the money and changed my name, set on never looking back. I lived in hotels, did drugs, screwed around, and blew most of the money on decadent things and people who didn’t deserve it. I bought their love, for hours, for days, if I was lucky, for weeks… And then, I met Camille, and she… she was everything I thought I wanted. She was so cynical, but I strived to be the same. Cold and uncaring. I didn’t wanna feel anymore, didn’t want to live at certain points. She saved me from the irreversible. That’s why I forgave her, again and again. She nourished all the wrong things in me.

“It took Ragnor and Catarina intervening for me to go to rehab, move back to New York and take care of my pack. I was doing well, got them all through high school and whatever path they’d chosen for themselves. I even had a few relationships that weren’t self-destructive. Etta, Imasu… But then, after all my pups had fledged, Camille stood in front of my door, and I was too weak to send her away, so… she moved in, we fell back into each other. I thought we were ready for a healthy, adult relationship. But it was all a game to her. She never loved me. She only loved that I was putty in her hands…”

Magnus clears his throat, staring at the untouched plate with cooling food balancing on Alec’s knees.

“I’m so sorry I never told you about this or my father. I never wanted you to see this pathetic, ugly side of me… of my past.” His voice sounds bitter to his own ears. All the more, the contrast to the softness in Alec’s startles him.

“Hey,” he says, waiting for Magnus to meet his eyes. “There is nothing ugly about you. None of that was your fault, Magnus. You were just a boy when your mother died. And you trusted someone you loved with your heart. There’s nothing pathetic about that either. It’s a gift that should be cherished.”

Magnus quirks a tired smile. “Thank you for understanding,” he croaks. “I hope you can forgive me one day.”

Alec’s face slips for a second, sadness rushing over the bond. “I’ve already forgiven you,” he says, tears standing in his eyes. “Thank you for telling me now.”

Magnus huffs a mirthless laugh. “You deserved the truth before our bonding.”

Alec caresses his cheek, the touch sending a shiver of relief through Magnus’ whole body.

“I knew everything I needed to know,” Alec says. Magnus isn’t sure if he’s right, but he nods nonetheless.

Chapter Text

“You look delectable tonight,” Magnus says, running his fingers over Alec's chest, the Egyptian cotton soft underneath his fingertips.

“Thought I'd wear it as long as it still fits,” Alec quips, eyes raking over Magnus’ body unashamedly. His gaze warms more than just Magnus’ heart. The alpha gathers the sensation, head set on enjoying tonight to the fullest. Whatever Alec is ready for, he is ready for, too.

“Lilly just arrived. Wanna take a cab or…?” Magnus asks. Alec checks his watch, his first Christmas gift from Magnus, the one he only pulls out for special occasions. Magnus can't help but smile. Does Alec recognise the earcuff he's wearing for that very reason. He sure thinks so.

Maybe, all of this has a good side. They've gotten a little lazy, haven't they? No, not lazy. Comfortable. It's not a bad thing, of course, a natural progression. But it's kind of nice, the care the two of them are putting in tonight.

“I think we should drive to the restaurant. But a stroll through the city afterwards would be nice,” Alec replies.

“Home or…?” Magnus can't help but ask. Thin ice. He hates it. A month ago, this wouldn't have been a question. Sex is always wonderful, but sex on a child-free night? It's priceless.

Alec's warm hand cups Magnus’ face, thumb tracing over his cheek bone. “I was very much looking forward to our nest at your place,” he says. Alec still calls it that. Magnus won't point out that it is as much Alec's as his. They've had that discussion so many times before. He won't spoil this moment with long-lost arguments.

“Me, too,” Magnus says, smiling as Alec leans in for a kiss that makes Magnus a little weak in the knees. So many years, and his Alec still amazes him.

“Save a little for later,” Magnus breathes when they come up for air. Alec just gives him a lopsided, mischievous smile that unfurls the ball of worry that has lived in Magnus’ stomach since he came home from work.

They're okay, finding common ground again. Way faster than he expected. Radical honesty is such a mighty force. He hopes they can keep it up.

Magnus chuckles, Alec's lips on his neck too distracting to get the key into the lock. Magnus wishes he had magic to just portal them into their nest. But this is delicious. He so needed that. The evening was perfect, the walk over to his place familiar and close. And with Alec's hands all over him, he supposes his mate is feeling the same.

“I know chances are small that anyone will catch us in the corridor, but don't you…?” Magnus lets out a gasp with Alec's lips just hitting the perfect spot behind his ear.

“What?” Alec asks between pecks down the cut of Magnus’ jaw.

“I'm not thirty anymore,” Magnus chuckles. “Door sex is hot, but…” Dammit! He can't think straight.

“Just good that you have a young mate,” Alec quips, hands lowering to grab Magnus’ ass.

“A pregnant mate. You won't lift me,” Magnus says sternly. Alec rolls his eyes, chuckling.

“Then open the door, old man.”

“Hey,” Magnus giggles but obliges.

The scent hits him first, Alec's emotional response next. Both knock the air out of Magnus’ lungs. He swirls around, wrists brushing over Alec's face on instinct before he pulls the door closed again, the stink of his past despair still thick in the air.

“Alexander?” he prompts, pumping out soothing pheromones. “Love, are you alright?”

Alec exhales raggedly. “‘m good,” he presses out. “Fuck!”

“I'm so sorry. I haven't been back since the other night. Let me just air out the apartment real quick,” Magnus says. Alec nods, wordlessly.

“Or do you wanna go home?” Magnus asks. Alec shakes his head.

“Got that peppermint thing on hand?” he asks, voice likely sturdier than his general state. Magnus pulls it out of his pocket and hands it over to Alec who rolls it underneath his nose before he pushes the door open and strides through Magnus’ living space straight to the French windows. Magnus takes a deep breath through his mouth and follows him to help.

When every single window stands open, they find each other on the balcony. Magnus doesn't know what to say, gauging Alec's state through the bond.

“I'm okay, babe. Stop spying,” Alec says, not exactly scolding. Magnus reaches out to him, relieved when Alec lets him.

“I wasn't thinking,” Magnus says.

“I had no idea it was that bad on your side. Cat gave you the shots. I thought…”

“The shots only take the physical symptoms, Alexander.”

Alec nods in understanding. He pulls Magnus into his arms, the embrace a little too tight, but Magnus doesn't care.

“I'm so sorry that I put you through this,” Alec speaks against his temple. “I promised in our vows to always listen, but I was too much in my head to actually ask what was wrong.”

Magnus breathes a sigh. Of course, Alec blames himself.

Magnus pulls back, studying the face of his omega. “We need to stop apologising for what happend, Alexander. We both weren't pictures of perfection that weekend. But we gotta forgive ourselves as we forgave each other.”

Alec nods, his jaw still rigidly set.

“I… I kinda…” he starts but trails off.

“What is it?” Magnus asks gently.

“I think I still… I feel so ungrateful. As if you haven't proven yourself to me, again and again. Why am I like this?”

“Alexander. You were in as much of an exceptional situation as I was. You thought I rejected you, my pregnant mate. That's bound to draw all insecurities to the surface. I know that you trust me under normal circumstances.”

“You do?” Alec asks, his eyes shimmering with tears.

“Yes. And I trust you. With all my heart. You know things I haven't shared with anyone.”

Alec lets out a ragged breath.

“Dot knows.”

Magnus shakes his head. “Only bits and pieces. She doesn't know about my father or London. She doesn't know that I was stupid enough to let Camille in after leaving her behind. All she knows is that I needed to get over her, with fun instead of self-destruction. Not even the latter, I think.”

Alec nods in understanding. “All of that is safe with me,” he says, brushing his fingers over the back of Magnus’ neck.

“I know. That's why your coldness cut so deeply.”

Alec nods, lips opening but Magnus presses his pointer against them.

“No more apologies, my love.”

Alec smiles against the touch. “You're right,” he says and presses a kiss to the finger. “I think the air is clear now.”

Magnus chuckles and pulls him close. “The nest barely smells like you anymore. Can we first scent it?”

“I would like nothing better than that,” Alec says, pushing on Magnus’ coat until it falls to the floor. He's clearly back to their original plan, his arousal filling the air.

They're both naked when they reach the nest. Magnus swiftly closes the window, finding Alec already lying in their nest when he turns around. He always looks so perfect in it. Magnus doesn't want to ever get used to the sight.

His eyes catch on to the scars on Alec's stomach. They are familiar and yet, they catch him off guard somehow.

“Everything okay?” Alec asks.

“Of course,” Magnus says, his lips curling into a genuine smile. That conversation can wait. They haven't made love for so long.

“C'mere,” Alec says, his brilliant smile lighting up the room. And how could Magnus ever resist the call of his mate?

Chapter Text

“Do you think you'd have chosen me without destiny intervening?” Alec asks. Magnus presses closer against his back, his breath fanning out over Alec's neck.

“You know you attracted my interest before I smelt you,” he murmurs into his ear before he presses a kiss on his mating bite. Alec hums in delight, a content purr working out of his chest, trailing off as he turns around in Magnus’ arms. He won't let his alpha off the hook this time.

“Yeah, but… do you think you'd have flirted with me. I mean… I was there with two pups, newly widowed, bland as can be...”

Magnus exhales slowly. “I know I would have flirted with you, would have tried to get the pups on my side…” he says with a warm smile playing on his lips. Alec chuckles.

“And I would have given you time but also would have tried to be partnered up with the boys through the programme,” Magnus adds.

“So… the slow seducing of a lonely omega.”

“A lovely omega,” Magnus corrects. “You weren't lonely, Alexander. You had Lydia and your siblings, the boys, of course… You didn't need an alpha, but I'm still glad I got to be yours.”

Alec hums in agreement.

“I never thought I could have this,” he says, running his hand over Magnus’ side.

“Me, neither,” Magnus says.

“But you have loved so many times before. Didn't you…?” Alec trails off. This is none of his business, and it wouldn't change anything. It's just his old insecurities festering. He doesn't want this.

“What?” Magnus probes gently. “Things always go sideways when we don't talk, Alexander.”

Alec exhales raggedly. “It shouldn't be anything.”

“But it is something.” Magnus’ words come out halfway between a question and a statement. Alec shakes his head and tucks himself under Magnus’ chin, ear right over his alpha's heart.

“It's okay that I don't know everything about your past. Your life wasn't as boring as mine.”

“There's nothing boring about you, Alexander.”

Alec smiles at the mirroring words. He'll never understand what his alpha sees in him, but he’s learnt to trust his words and deeds.

“I was all duty until you stepped into my life.”

“You did what you had to do, Alexander. Besides, I have to disagree. You weren't dutiful with your boys. You were loving and caring, the father they needed. I was in such awe when I got to witness that. You could have resented them but you gave them everything you missed growing up and then some.”

“You did the same,” Alec points out.

“I acted all grown-up with my pack but half the time, I didn't know what I was doing. I was mostly winging it,” Magnus chuckles.

“Parenthood in a nutshell,” Alec quips.

“True,” Magnus sighs. “I think I did alright, everything considered. I didn't turn into my father, honoured my mother. I took good care of my pups, not so much of myself. I lost myself a little when they all had started living their own lives. I'm not sure where I would be if I hadn't met you.”

“As successful as you are with way more rest,” Alec quips.

“And that's where you're wrong, Alexander,” Magnus says, not elaborating. It's a strange thought. Alec can't imagine him any other way. But he hasn't seen Magnus at his lowest, the alpha always poised and controlled. Of course, he knows his vulnerable sides, too. It's a privilege and a gift, the trust Magnus gives him. It was Alec who decided not to pry. But maybe Magnus is right. Maybe he should ask the questions that lie in his heart.

“Did you ever relapse?” he asks.

“With the drugs?”

“Mmh.”

“No. Never. I went on a few benders that worried Catarina. That's why she encouraged me to be part of the mentor programme, to nourish the caring alpha in me. I didn't touch a single drop of booze for weeks to make sure I wouldn't…” Magnus trails off.

“What?” Alec probes gently.

“You were such a clean man, Alexander, so structured and disciplined. I didn't want to give you a reason not to be with me.”

Alec chuckles. It sounds ridiculous but he gets where Magnus is coming from.

“You were the perfect alpha right from the start,” he says.

“I tried to be who you needed me to be. And that made me the best version of myself. You and the boys were what I had always yearned for.”

“I can't believe you were never mated before me,” Alec says, shaking his head. “I mean, even with that scent bond thing… Who wouldn't wanna be with you? Your exes were stupid.”

“No,” Magnus says. “They just didn't want me that way. And that's okay.”

“Is it? You had mating instincts, and they let you chase them… No omega should play with an alpha's heart like that.”

“What makes you think it was an omega I chased?” Magnus asks. Alec pulls back, frowning at him. Magnus quirks a smile that doesn't reach his eyes.

“Who was it?” Alec asks because he needs to know, this one puzzle piece torturing him since the beginning of their relationship.

“Etta,” Magnus says.

“You chased an alpha?”

Magnus shrugs. “I loved her so much. I would have followed her everywhere.”

Alec's wolf doesn't know if he's supposed to be pissed or sympathetic. It was so long ago, Alec reasons with himself, and Magnus is his now, forever.

“Do you sometimes think about life before us, before destiny pinned you down?”

“You mean, if I miss the before?” Magnus perfectly reads between the lines. Alec blushes a little. What a stupid question to ask.

“No,” Magnus says, firmly as a rock. “I had grand loves before, but you, Alexander, you surpassed my wildest dreams. Your love is quiet, but it is a force to reckon with, like a steady stream carving through stone. And I… I have never loved anyone the way I love you. I've never felt so safe with my whole being. I didn't need to change for you to love me. It took me a moment to realise that. And maybe it's the bond, but I don't think so. I think it's who you are, Alexander. My wonderful mate. Your love has healed so many things in me. Even some I didn't know were broken. You taught me so many things about myself and the world. I didn't know that love could be so… simple, for the lack of a better word, easy, maybe.”

“I gave you a rough time at the beginning,” Alec argues.

“No,” Magnus chuckles. “You challenged me, stripped me down until I couldn't use what hadn't served me in the past. You were a challenge, and I liked that. You made me question things. I never thought that building Lego would win me a man's heart.”

“My heart was yours long before that, Magnus.”

“I know. But I still remember the sparkle in your eyes when you said you didn't wanna hold back anymore. I was so proud of you, that you were choosing yourself. And that you chose me, our happiness, was the cherry on top.”

Alec smiles to himself. He remembers that day as if it was yesterday.

“Seeing you thinking so much about my boys… about me… that day, I realised it wasn't just you who I wanted for myself. I wanted to build a family with you,” Alec says. Magnus brushes his fingers over Alec's stomach, hand sprawling over the butchered cesarean scar.

“Like this?” Magnus asks, his voice barely above a whisper.

“In any way possible.”

Magnus nods, caressing Alec's stomach.

“It's… I was happy with you and the boys. But thinking that there will be even more pups to love…”

Alec smiles. That's his alpha.

“Yeah,” he breathes.

“When's gonna be the next check-up?” Magnus asks.

Alec puts his hand over Magnus’. “In a couple weeks.”

Magnus nods. “I wanna be there.”

Alec smirks. “I expect you to be.”

Magnus chuckles. “As you should,” he says, a shadow washing over his face.

“None of that!” Alec orders. “Forgiving ourselves, remember?”

Magnus lets out a ragged breath. “You're right. I'll be there for you three from now on, every step of the way.”

“Good,” Alec says and kisses Magnus’ lips, claiming his alpha all over again.

They make out lazily for a while before they force themselves to leave their second nest. Even college students want to go home eventually.

“Am I allowed to buy you new clothes?” Magnus asks as he watches Alec getting dressed.

“I have those things to add to my normal jeans,” Alec replies. Magnus rolls his eyes.

“How did I mate an omega who doesn't love going on a shopping spree?”

“Oh, I do love it. As long as it's you getting new clothes,” Alec smirks.

Magnus huffs a laugh. “What can I say? I love looking good for my mate.”

“Sure. That's why.” Alec grins, earning himself a playful swat with Magnus’ shirt.

“You love it,” Magnus says.

“I do. And I love you,” Alec replies. Magnus smiles at him, eyes shiny with something.

“I love you, too, Alexander.”

Chapter Text

Max wrinkles his nose as they're setting the table for their Sunday breakfast. “You smell different, Dad,” he says. Alec sniffs his shirt. He hasn't showered yet, but his boy never commented on his body odours before.

Peach. Sun-kissed peaches. Alec's eyes grow wide before his lips curl into an unstoppable smile.

“Do you like it?” he asks. Max shrugs indifferently. Rafael, on the other hand, scrutinises him with eyes that are way too serious for a boy his age.

“Nutella?” Alec asks to distract him. They already had the bees-and-flowers talk. Rafael might be on their tails, and Alec meant to break the news separately, to be there for any questions or worries that might arise.

Much to his relief, Rafael nods and takes the family size jar to carry it to the dining table. Alec exhales slowly. It's likely just a short reprieve, but better this than discussing his pregnancy over breakfast.

“Des croissants pour tout le monde,” Magnus’ voice comes cheerfully from the entrance hall. Oh, what a clever man his mate is. Usually, Alec enjoys a soft-boiled egg on a Sunday morning, but not when croissants are on the menu.

“I'll get the strawberry jam!” Max yells. Alec chuckles. Some things never change.

“Did you get pains au chocolat?” Rafael asks. Alec huffs a laugh. Magnus loves to spoil the kids.

“Mais bien sûr, mon chouchou.”

“Dad, Papa is talking French again,” Rafael complains.

“It was you who said he wanted to go to France next year,” Alec points out.

“Everyone speaks English,” Rafael mumbles as he slumps into his chair.

“A – that's not true, Rafael, and B – it's always polite to at least speak a few phrases in the language of the country one is visiting,” Magnus says.

“Oui, Papa,” Max says with the widest grin on his tiny face.

“Traitor,” Rafael hisses. His brother just giggles.

“Wash your hands, boys,” Alec says, smiling at Magnus as he takes the paper bags from his hands. How long will it take until Magnus realises?

Not even a second, it turns out, his eyes bleeding red minutely before they return to their natural brown.

“Alexander,” Magnus breathes. “You smell divine.”

“All of your making, Alpha,” Alec quips. Magnus pulls him close, pressing his nose against Alec's neck. Alec chuckles, his happy pregnant scent filling the space around them.

“Is it always peaches?” Magnus asks quietly.

“No. Apples with Rafe and strawberries with Max.”

“Fruity,” Magnus smirks, wiggling his eyebrows.

“That's how I roll,” Alec chuckles. “We should tell the kids, though. I think Rafe is on the scent, so to speak.”

Magnus hums in agreement. “How do you think they will take it?”

Alec shrugs. “No idea. I hope well.”

“And if not, we will be there for them,” Magnus says. He presses a kiss to Alec's lips. “Together.”

Rafael stares at Alec's stomach. “But you don't look pregnant.”

“Because it's early days, honey. Your siblings are only as big as a bean,” Alec explains. Rafael furrows his brow. His fathers share a look. They know it's better to let him work through his thoughts and feelings and wait him out.

“So… you'll have your own children,” Rafael croaks after a long minute, sad eyes studying Magnus’ face. The question(s) woven into that sentence break Magnus’ heart. His boy has gone through so much. It's no wonder that he worries. But no kid should. Ever.

“Rafael, I already have my own children. You are my son, and nothing will ever change that,” Magnus replies through the heart in his mouth. He mustn't mess this up.

“But they are yours, not from another alpha. They'll carry your name.”

Magnus exhales quietly and rolls Rafael's desk chair he's sitting on towards the boy's bed. He cups his son's shoulder, squeezing gently. Instinct tells him that Rafael needs physical reassurance, too.

“They will,” he confirms.

“But Max and I won't,” Rafael states evenly. Magnus glances at Alec. He expected a wide variety of reactions, but this is taking him off guard.

“When we talked about adoption, you said you wanted to keep your mom on your birth certificate, remember?”

Rafael nods, chewing his bottom lip.

“Did you change your mind about that?”

Rafael shakes his head. “No, it's just… we're Lightwoods and Dad, you, and the twins are Lightwood-Banes.”

Magnus hums in understanding. “I didn't know that this has been lying on your heart, honey.”

Rafael shrugs but it doesn't look indifferent. Alec pulls him into a side hug and presses a kiss to his head.

“Then we should talk about it,” he says.

“Papa is my father, adoption or not,” Rafael says. The statement lifts a boulder off Magnus’ chest. “And I don't wanna erase Mom. I love her.”

“I know,” Magnus says. “I'll be forever thankful that she gifted me with you and Max.”

That elicits a small smile on Rafael's face. But it only lasts for a second, the frown that Magnus only knows too well from his mate returning far too quickly.

“What is it?” Magnus probes. Rafael looks at Alec for a short moment before his eyes settle on his own hands in his lap.

“If something would happen to Dad, where would we go?” he asks, his voice barely above a whisper.

“You'd stay with Papa,” Alec says, his heart aching for his son. They had this talk before, but Rafael probably didn't understand everything back then. “Uncle Ragnor made a paper I signed that makes it clear to the court that I want Papa to have legal guardianship of you and Maxie, in case anything should ever happen to me.”

“That means I would have pretty much the same rights as Dad has now,” Magnus explains. “You'd live with me, I could make medical decisions for you among other things. I will always be your Papa, Rafael. You are my pup. Nothing will ever change that.”

“But won't you love them more than us?” Rafael asks, pushing his chin forward. Magnus would laugh at the display of defiance but this is a crucial moment in their relationship. He can feel it.

“Love isn't a finite resource, sweetheart. I love you and Max, and that won't go away or become any less just because there are more pups to love, alright?”

Rafael nods but his lips are still a tight line of scepticism.

“Look,” Magnus tries again. “You love your dad, and you love your mom. When Maxwell was born, you loved him, too. You love your aunts and uncles, Madzie, Lydia, your grandma and Luke… And when I came into your life…”

Now, Rafael quirks a lopsided smile. “I love you, too.”

“Exactly. Things might change with the babies around, but my love for you, that won't. And if you ever feel like I treat you any different,” Magnus says, putting his hand on Alec's stomach, “then you tell me, okay? I know that you often worry all on your own, and I don't want to be the reason for that, do you understand?”

Rafael nods.

“Are they going to be boys or girls?” he asks.

“That's too early to say,” Alec chuckles. “But no matter what, I know you will be such a great big brother. And maybe you can show Max how to be a big brother, too.”

“Does he know?”

“Not yet,” Magnus says.

“Can I tell him?”

Alec and Magnus share a surprised look.

“Why would you want to break the news to him?” Alec asks.

Rafael breaks out into a big grin. “Because I wanna see how happy he is about it.”

“You think he'll be?” Alec asks, a smile tugging on his lips.

“Yes! He loves babies.” Rafael runs to his drawer and pulls something out of it. He storms out of his room before his fathers can see what it is.

“Okay, then,” Magnus says, chuckling. Alec intertwines his fingers with his and they follow their boy to Max's bedroom.

“Maxie?” Rafael says. “We have a surprise for you.”

Max looks up from his fire truck. “A surprise?”

“Yes,” Rafael says. “Close your eyes.”

Max glances questioningly at his fathers but then, he does as his brother asked him to. Whatever Rafael pulled out is gently put into Max's hands.

“You can open your eyes now,” Rafael says.

Max does. Unfolding the shirt in his hand. Alec's heart threatens to burst when he realises which one it is.

Max looks at the shirt, then at Rafael, then at Alec and Magnus.

“What?” he asks, clearly confused.

“It's yours now,” Rafael smirks, pointing at the print on Izzy's Christmas gift from three years ago. Max still wears the ‘little brother’ counterpart.

“But I'm not a big brother,” Max says. Rafael leans in to his ear and whispers something. Max's eyes grow wide.

“We're having a baby?” he shrieks, jumping up from the floor.

“Two babies,” Alec confirms.

“One to cuddle for each of us,” Maxie shouts and runs to embrace his dad.

“When will they be here?” he asks, brushing his small hand over Alec's stomach.

“They need to grow quite a bit, Maxie, so it'll take about eight months.”

“So long?” Max asks, face falling.

“Yeah. But they'll pass quickly, blueberry,” Magnus says. “And you two will be such good big brothers.”

Max nods wildly and pulls the shirt over his head, giggling so sweetly, Alec feels himself welling up. Damn hormones! But when he looks in Magnus’ eyes, they are teary, too.

“Family snuggle time,” Rafael decides. His wish is their command. They move to the nest and cuddle, all four of them, with three hands lying on Alec's baby bump. It's cheesy as hell, even for them. Alec soaks up the moment, files it to memory. They're on this journey together. At last.

Chapter Text

“Alec, do you have a minute?” Lydia asks. Alec looks up from his screen.

“Sure, what's up?” he asks and pops a ginger chew in his mouth. Lydia nods in the direction of her office. Alec suppresses a sigh and gets up, his stomach churning. Not 48 hours since his pregnancy scent came in, and he is already enjoying the pleasantry that is ‘morning’ sickness. He could have done without that. But he hasn't needed his Unisom yet, so maybe it's just the normal form that many pregnant people have. That would mean it'll pass in a few weeks. Alec can't wait. With him subbing for Aline, clocking out has become an alien concept to him, alas.

Lydia gestures towards her visitor chairs. Alec closes the door and takes a seat.

“You've started wearing new blockers?” Lydia asks, smiling. Alec grins at her. “What is it this time?” she enquires.

“Peaches.”

“Can't wait to smell it. Do you think it's safe for me to come over or…?”

Alec worries his lip. “I don't know. I nearly growled at our cleaning lady this morning. But I think with you, it would be fine. Wouldn't trust myself with Magnus’ exes, though.”

Lydia's eyebrow arches. “Still trouble in paradise?”

“No. I just… I guess I'm more insecure than I thought. But we're talking. It's not the sword of Damocles or something. We're good.”

“I'm glad to hear that. And you? I saw you drinking ginger ale during the meeting.”

Alec quirks a smile. She knows him too well. “Do you think the others noticed?”

“Nah. They are way too busy examining their own navels. I won't miss Aldertree's visage one bit.”

Alec snorts a laugh.

“I liked your presentation,” Lydia states. “The last two slides still need tweaking.”

“I know. I'm sorry. I worked on it till ten last night, but I was too tired to push through.”

“They had the bare minimum. Don't fret! I just know you can do better. Do you need help?”

Alec huffs. “Nah, it's alright. Sebastian said he has a solution for the Downtown office.”

“Downtown? Is there a problem?” Lydia asks. Alec screws up his face. He thought she knew.

“No, it's all fine,” he replies. Lydia gives him a doubtful look.

“Sebastian just asked me for a favour. It wouldn't have affected our project if nausea hadn't kicked my ass.”

Lydia nods. She knows that he is available to orders from all partners. She's likely more worried about him than angry that Sebastian went behind her back.

“How bad is it?”

“I haven't had to pull out my yellow bucket yet,” he quips. Lydia looks at him with worried eyes.

“If it's too much, Alec…”

“I'm fine, Lyd,” he stops her.

“As fine as you were when you carried Max?”

Alec rolls his eyes. “Don't hold that against me.”

“I don't. But I don't wanna be responsible for a repetition.”

“A: It's too early for complications like that. And B: thousands of pregnant people go to work every day. I have a desk job with mandatory breaks and a boss who allows remote working. I have it better than most expectant parents out there.”

“Still. If Sebastian gives you extra work in the future, you send him to me… Do you have everything for your start next week?”

“I'm ready as can be.”

Lydia smiles. “Good. I'm in L.A. for the next few days. I thought I could swing by on Sunday with a bottle of alcohol-free champagne and a basket full of your favourite pregnancy snacks.”

Alec chuckles. “Wanna teach Magnus how to treat me right?”

“He's an alpha who will listen, at least.”

Alec nods in understanding. “I don't know what I would've done without you when I had the boys.”

Lydia sighs. “You'd have been even stronger than you already had to be.”

She's likely right. It was a lot. But he made it through, that's all that matters. It's still nice that at least one person acknowledges what he accomplished mostly on his own.

“Yeah. Probably,” he agrees. “But I did have you. And I'm glad that I still have you.”

Lydia quirks a smile.“Always, Alec.”

“I gotta finish the presentation. I'll send it to you in about three hours, if that's okay.”

“You can have thirty.”

“Don't tempt me,” Alec smirks and gets up, stomach lurching. He'd love to go home and lie down. But this is the price he and other omegas have to pay for reaching equality. They have to push through where people without a womb don't find obstacles in their way. And as the ‘weaker sex’ he has to prove himself double. It sucks, but he can't afford to call in sick with not even having started his new position.

“You know you don't have to do this, right?” Lydia asks, as if reading his mind.

“I know. But I need to do it.”

“I understand,” Lydia says. “Let me know if you need me to have your back in any way. I can schedule Zoom meetings whenever I please,” she adds, winking at him.

Alec doesn't think he'll ever take her up on the offer, but it's good to know that at least two of his bosses are hell bent set on paving the way for people of all genders.

“Another late night?” Magnus asks. He stares at his huge order of Indian food that he placed right after talking to his mate during Alec's lunch break. His omega was craving ananas menaskai, and who is Magnus to deny him a dish Alec wouldn't even know without him? Besides, if he doesn't treat Alec to nice things, no one will, his mate the least.

“I'm sorry. I will make up for it. I'll be home all weekend,” Alec promises. Magnus nods to himself. They'll have two mornings together, at least.

“Oh, and Lydia is going to drop by on Sunday. Do you wanna see her or would you prefer if she came after you leave for work?”

Magnus bites the inside of his cheek. That's a trick question. At least, it feels like it.

“You know I love her,” Magnus says. She's pack if you ask him. He knows she has a family, but still. He and Alec have barely seen each other all week. He misses him. And he's worried Alec might return to work mode when he isn't there to stop the friends from talking shop all day. His mate needs a break. Working as if he wasn't pregnant feels so wrong, just like the metallic smell of his new scent blocker. A gift from Catarina, hospital grade.

“I do,” Alec replies, frowning at him. “If you can't trust me to be civil around you two, you can say that.”

“Heaven! No! I was pondering how selfish it would be to ask you to have you for myself,” Magnus hastens to get rid of the misunderstanding.

Alec huffs a laugh. “Not selfish at all. I just didn't want you to feel shut out, is all.”

“That's very kind of you. In that case, I'd like to have our usual Sunday brunch with just the four of us.”

“Awesome. Give the boys a kiss from me. I love you.”

“Love you, too, Alexander.”

Magnus sighs when they hang up. He's never had a problem with Alec working late. Alec has his back when it comes to his working hours, too. But with the pups on the way, Magnus can't help worrying. But he also doesn't want to stand in the way of Alec's ambitions. He worked so hard for this promotion. Magnus is simply worried that it could be too much for him.

They need to talk. Does Alec want to keep working after birth? Is he only paving the way for others, planning to be a stay-at-home dad again? Magnus doesn't think so. Maybe for a year. Or not at all.

There's no use in moving this around in his head. This is for Alec to decide. Magnus is ready to support him whichever way. He wanted Alec to make his own decisions, right from the start. This is the first time he has a say in his pregnancy and in life. And Magnus will fight everybody who dares to tell Alec that he can't have it all. Because he can, and he should. If that's what he wants.

“Boys, dinner is ready,” Magnus calls, putting the dishes he ordered for Alec in the fridge.

“Is Dad not coming?” Rafael asks.

“No. He has to finish a project.”

“He always does,” the boy pouts.

“That's not fair, honey. Tomorrow, he'll be home for dinner.”

“I just wanted to show him my art project.”

“I know, Rafael, but you can show it to him in the morning. I'm sure he'll be proud. You're so talented.”

Rafael quirks a lopsided smile. Magnus’ heart aches in the best way. He looks so much like Alec.

It's a strange thought that he might have a look-alike growing in Alec's belly. Two little beans, the perfect mix of him and Alec.

“Maxwell?” Magnus calls.

“Coming!”

Magnus huffs a laugh. His as-of-now little one always needs triple invitations.

Magnus ruffles Max's hair when he finally makes it downstairs. As much as Magnus loves his work, nights with his family are simply the best. He wishes his past self would have known that he will have all of this, one day: beautiful pups stuffing their faces with naan and biryani, drinking mango lassi, and sharing their everyday adventures at the dining table. His mother would be so proud of him. It's moments like this when he misses her the most. She'd have spoilt the boys rotten.

“Why are you crying, Papa?” Max asks, interrupting his lively tale of how he planted herbs in the school garden today.

Magnus chuckles and brushes them away. “I'm just so happy to have you,” he says. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too, Papa,” Rafael says.

“Me, too!” Max calls and gets off his chair to embrace him. Magnus snuggles him close and presses a kiss into his hair, sending a smile to Rafael across the table.

Magnus is one lucky bastard. And he knows it.

Chapter Text

“Of course, I'm coming with you,” Alec says. It's been a fixed date in his calendar since year one of their bonding. “Why wouldn't I?”

“Some cultures think it's bad luck for a pregnant person to visit a grave,” Magnus replies.

“I'm religious, babe, not superstitious. And I don't want you to be alone. I know it's a hard day for you, and this year, probably even more,” Alec states.

Magnus nods, sinking against Alec's side. There's something to say about alphas who are confident enough in themself to let their omegas be the stronger one if need be. Alec is glad that they have this kind of relationship.

“I already talked with Izzy. She will take the boys,” Alec says, wrapping his arm around Magnus’ shoulder. “Could be a good opportunity to tell them about the good news.”

Magnus hums noncommittally.

“You don't think that's a good idea?” Alec asks.

Magnus sighs. “It's still early days. Most people don't tell others before twelve weeks.”

Alec mutes the TV. “Where do you have that from?”

“A pregnancy forum I joined.”

“You joined a pregnancy forum? You hate everything Internet,” Alec states, an amused smile tugging on his lips.

“I can hardly have a pregnancy book lying around. And it's nice to read other parents’ thoughts.”

Alec hums in understanding. “You know why there is this infamous 12-week mark, right?” he asks.

“Not really, but it was pretty unanimous.”

“It's because most miscarriages happen during the first trimester. After that, the babies are just growing. Everything is already there. But omegas have a miscarriage rate of under one per cent, Magnus. We are literal baby making machines.”

“Don't say that,” Magnus scolds him. “You're way more than that.”

“I don't argue otherwise, babe. But it's a fact that even as butchered as I am, the likelihood of a healthy beta or alpha woman losing their pup is higher than for me.”

Magnus works his jaw. Alec can feel his urge to protest more.

“Listen, Mags. My family will know anyway. I haven't held my scent around my siblings since we started courting. If I started now or arrived covered with blockers they would either clock it immediately or be worried. And – if God forbid – something were to happen to our pups, I would want to be able to talk about it with them. This whole rule is just there to spare others the pain of early pregnancy loss, to force the parents to quietly deal with their grief and not bother anyone. It's a terrible societal standard, if you ask me.”

Magnus quirks a smile. “You're right. Sorry. I'm just…” he trails off. Alec laces their fingers together and gives Magnus’ hand an encouraging squeeze.

“I'm so worried that something could happen to you or the pups,” Magnus confesses.

“I know,” Alec says. Magnus’ eyes flicker to his face, searching.

“Then why aren't you dialling it down a little? You work so much.”

“Because I have to prove that omegas – even pregnant ones – can do it.”

“You don't have to prove anything.”

“I wanna be a partner one day. I can't allow myself to dial it back.”

“You could be your own boss. You don't have to climb the corporate ladder.”

“But I do. You think my mother would be impressed if I were my own little boss? No. But at The Clave? She'd have to acknowledge that she made a mistake.”

“Screw Maryse!” Magnus presses out. As much as their relationship has improved over the past few years, Magnus is still waiting for her to formally apologise to her son. Which might still take a while.

Alec chuckles at his mate's outburst. Magnus gapes at him.

“Babe, I could do the craziest thing. Don't you see it?” Alec asks, grinning. Magnus doesn't stop staring.

“I told you that Max dropped out of college.”

Magnus nods.

“Who do you think Mom will ask to take over The Institute, now that her last alpha child broke free?”

“You think she'll ask you?” Magnus asks, following at last.

“My mother may be old school, but that also includes one thing: protecting the family name at all costs. And a little birdie told me that she voiced her happiness about a) me insisting on keeping my name at my first bonding, and b) me hyphenating our names now. She's on a mission of growth, and believe me, if Imogen Herondale offers me a partner position, Mom will stand on our doorstep and offer me her most precious baby with a gift basket.”

Magnus nods, throat bobbing. Alec watches him with a weird mixture of hope and anxiousness. Magnus promised to be an alpha who supports him in his professional endeavours. Time to be real about it.

Magnus is still nodding, forehead creased in thought. Alec's heart sinks a little more with every passing second. He can't take another blow. Their relationship can't take another impact so close to the last.

“So…” Magnus starts. Alec holds his breath.

“What I hear is that you are prioritising your work because you think it's likely that Maryse will change course over the coming years.”

“Yes,” Alec croaks, throat tightening. “I know it's bad timing with my pregnancy. But Luke told Clary that Mom is thinking about early retirement. I may not have as much time to convince her that I'm geared for this as I thought I would.”

Magnus nods in understanding. “We should talk about confinement and child rearing in the first few years then. What are your plans?”

Alec's mouth runs dry. He knew that this conversation was coming, but he didn't expect it to happen this early.

“I… I don't have any plans.”

Magnus raises an amused eyebrow, the sight unfurling something in Alec's soul. This isn't an alpha making a one-eighty. This is his alpha, searching for solutions to make all of his dreams come true.

“Okay… I thought about options,” Alec allows, releasing a relieved laugh. “The standard parental leave is two weeks.”

Magnus purses his lips. “That's not much.”

“You're right. But they are so proud of it because this is still corporate America. But… I could stretch it to four, maybe five weeks with vacation days.”

“Four weeks,” Magnus breathes. “That's still only half of confinement.”

“That's more than most birth parents get, Magnus.”

“I know. But what if you're not ready?”

“I have to be.”

“Just because you say so?”

“Magnus,” Alec says, running his thumb over his mate's knuckles. “I can bring change if I play the system now. I can only be a better employer when I become an employer. A big one. One that omegas and people building families flock to because I can offer them more than the bare minimum plus a fruit basket.”

Magnus sighs. “I hate that it's gotta be you. But I'm proud of how far you've come. Just promise me you will take care of yourself. Your wellbeing is my priority. If it's too much or doesn't feel right when the time has come… there's no shame in admitting that and changing course, okay?”

Alec nods, butterflies storming his stomach. “So… about the child rearing side. I thought about a nanny. That would eat up most of my salary, but this has never been about the money.”

Magnus stays silent for a long moment, then gets up, heading for the drinks cart, starting to mix himself a cocktail. “Or…” he says, “I start shopping around for a manager for the Pandemonium.”

Alec gapes at him. “That's your baby.”

Magnus chuckles. “There are two real babies growing in your belly, Alexander. And I started raising our boys long after their baby phase. I don't want to have a nanny doing that with our little beans. I know it's selfish, but I wanna do this.”

Alec huffs a laugh. “That's probably the least selfish thing I've ever heard,” he says and walks over to his mate. He cups Magnus’ cheeks and places a gentle kiss on his lips. “My wonderful alpha,” he whispers. “I don't know what I did to deserve you.”

Magnus chuckles, a surprised little sound. “I ask myself the same thing every single day, Alexander.”

“I guess we're made for each other, Mr Lightwood-Bane,” Alec smirks and leans in for another kiss.

“Apropos Lightwood-Bane,” Magnus interrupts him mid-movement.

“Apropos of what?” Alec asks befuddled as he watches Magnus move away, grabbing his phone.

“You're wrong, my love,” Magnus says. “I don't hate everything Internet. Especially when it comes to solutions for our family.” He offers Alec the unlocked phone. Alec skims through the legal article.

“I'm having a meet-up with Ragnor next week to confirm that this is true. Only if you agree, of course.”

“You want to change the boys’ name?” Alec asks, breathless.

“This way, we’d all have the same family name and Melanie would still be on their birth certificates. Your in-laws surely wouldn't lodge an appeal as Melanie took your name. What do you think?”

Alec feels a surge of happiness that clearly makes its way over their bond, Magnus’ serious face breaking out into a brilliant smile.

“Is that a yes?” Magnus asks.

Alec nods, throat too tight with emotions to trust his voice. He pulls Magnus into a deep kiss instead.

“Maxwell and Rafael Lightwood-Bane. Sounds perfect,” Alec croaks.

“It does indeed.”

Chapter Text

The walk to his mother's grave is the most difficult of all. It's the same each year. One would think it gets easier, but for Magnus, it somehow doesn't. The reminder of this loss, the first of his life, of his mother being so brutally torn away from him by his own father is a wound that doesn't want to fully close. That's why Magnus only visits her once a year, on her birthday. He won't allow her to be defined by his father's deeds but by the light she brought into this world.

Alec never questioned that odd choice, but he likely understands it now. His hand is a little tighter around Magnus’ today, squeezes even more often in a sign of sympathy.

They are silent all the way to the grave, a spot tucked away on the far end so that they were able to lay her to rest without the press and rubbernecks watching a little boy cry over his dead mother.

Whenever Magnus comes here, he's that little boy again. He remembers the ache in his heart and the pain in his bones, harbinger that he would present in a matter of days, years too early and sealing his fate. No one would take a presented child. Well, his Indonesian family would have, but no one thought of searching for them. He found his aunt nearly two decades later on his first trip to his mother's homeland, searching for the missing pieces of his heart.

He'll call his aunt Kyesha later. He always does. She's a lovely woman. She even sent him a Sirih lat-lat, artfully crafted by a local artist, so that he could gift it to Alec. She explained to Magnus that the small floral arrangement adorned with betel leaves is traditionally presented to the groom on the wedding day. She said his mother would have wanted to uphold that tradition. The small artwork has a special place on Alec's side of their dresser.

They reach the grave, polished as always, his mother smiling at them from a picture that shows her on the beach not far from her childhood house, wind in her hair, the ocean behind her. That was before she met Asmodeus, before he took her to America, before he bound her to him with pregnancy and motherhood. Despite years of therapy, that's something Magnus can't stop feeling guilty about. She mated his father because he was on the way, and the traditional bond gave Asmodeus all the power over her.

To think that Alec had the same standing when he became Melanie's omega, unable to get a divorce, not allowed to drive a car, not even free enough to agree to a life-saving Caesarean…

Magnus sees his battle scars every day, but it's on his mother's birthday that it hits him the hardest, all the things his mate went through. They might never have met because Alec had been so close to not surviving Max's birth. They would have saved the pup but not him. What a sick society! And that wasn't even a full decade ago.

Magnus takes a ragged breath.

“I'm alright,” he presses out when he feels worry spiking over the bond. “It's just… even more emotional with the pups and all.”

Alec hums in understanding and presses a kiss against his temple. He knows the drill.

Magnus isn't a man who cries often, much less in front of others. Alec is one of the very few people who is allowed to see him like this, and on this day of the year, he does without failing. It was embarrassing, the very first time around. Magnus nearly regretted taking him, but then, his strong mate had held him through it, had soothed him and scented him, and made him feel as if it was okay. And it was. Alec hasn't wavered in all these years. Magnus is allowed to show his feelings, doesn't need to be strong all of the time.

Does Alec even know what an incredible gift that is? No matter who Magnus had dated before he met him – may it be women or men, omegas, betas or alphas – they all had expected him to be strong all of the time. He was allowed to show his softer side, but only if it was still alphalike, not too emotional. It wasn't always with malicious intent, but still.

Alec is a gift that keeps on giving. Sometimes, Magnus isn't sure if what he returns is enough. Alec deserves the world, but he's content with so little.

Magnus leans against his mate, lets him take some of his weight that always feels a bit more heavy on this day, as if what he gained since standing here for the first time was suddenly too much for his bones.

He used to kneel in the soil, guilt and pent-up love bearing him down. But now, he can stand in front of the grave, propped up by the father of his children. He can talk with his mother, can tell her the good news with tears standing in his eyes, mourning the fact that she will never hold any of them. He can talk about his pups’ shenanigans, his achievements of the last year, his wonderful mate and what Alec did that would make his mother so proud as a fellow omega. He talks to her, sometimes scrambling for words, in his native tongue. He should practise it more. It's all that connects him with his heritage apart from his favourite dishes. He doesn't want to forget it. In his dreams, he already talks to his mother in English. It's normal, he supposes, but it still pains him.

Will he be the last in line to speak Indonesian? Magnus never thought about that before, but today, the notion somehow hurts.

Magnus puts down the flowers – his aunt shared his mother's favourites with him when he visited her; Magnus made sure to always order them ever since – and they walk back to the car in silence. He hands Alec the keys and sinks into the passenger seat. He's raw. Which is normal for the occasion, but it has another quality today.

Will he bring the babies to visit their grandmother one day? He's never dared to take Max and Rafael. They still visit their mother's resting place every week. Who was he to put this on them, to see him like this? They might think their grief will never fade to something manageable if they'd see the pain on his face.

The drive to Izzy and Simon's place escapes him, New York flying by unseen. Alec hands him the peppermint roller without a word. Magnus doesn't think it's anything beyond what most people experience in terms of everyday dissociation, but he rolls it on his skin nonetheless, if only to reduce the worry coming over the bond.

They find a parking spot in front of his in-laws’ place by sheer luck and climb the stairs to their flat, Magnus holding tight to his mother's birthday cake.

“Are you alright? We don't need to stay for long,” Alec offers before knocking at the Lightwood-Lewis door.

“No. We haven't seen them in so long. And the distraction will be good,” Magnus replies. “Besides, we can't eat this much cake all on our own.”

Alec smiles and leans in for a kiss, pulling Magnus back into his body. Okay, maybe it was a bit more than normal reclusion from the world. But he's allowed. It's a difficult day for him, and he didn't log off completely.

Magnus presses his nose against Alec's neck, breathing his scent in at the source. A few tears roll over his cheeks. That's okay, too.

He pulls back, forces his face into a smile. Alec brushes his tears away and kisses him once more before Magnus straightens and knocks at the door.

“Hello,” Izzy greets them, exchanging kisses on the cheek with her brother-in-law. Magnus compliments her new perfume. She smiles, then turns to Alec, her eyes growing wide as he hugs her close.

“Alec!” she squeals.

“What's going on?” Simon calls from the hallway.

“Can't you smell it?”

Simon scents the air. Betas aren't as good at picking up scent changes as alphas and omegas are, but Simon's eyes grow wide as he concentrates.

Alec and Magnus nod, grinning brightly. Izzy and Simon's joy is a beauty to behold. It takes a load off Magnus’ mind. Alec doesn't know that his sister has been trying for a baby for a while now. She didn't want to lay that on him, knowing how much every passed heat without a shift in his scent had pained her brother. As a beta, she has six times more often the chance to fall pregnant compared to him.

“You're smelling all peachy,” Izzy says. Simon laughs and pats Magnus on the back.

“Mom will be so thrilled,” Izzy smirks. Alec shrugs as if it were nothing.

“Double the joy,” Simon says, grinning at him like the Cheshire cat.

Wait! Does he mean the twins or…?

“You, too?” Alec blurts out.

Izzy giggles. “Thirteen weeks.”

Magnus doesn't miss the minute slip of Alec's face. He can guess where his mate's mind just went.

“Daddy! Papa!” erupts from the living room, not giving him the time to reassure his mate, so he pushes soothing vibes over the bond. Their eyes meet. Alec looks guilty. What Magnus would give to know his thoughts.

He watches Alec hugging Izzy close, congratulating her and Simon. The joy on his face is real. Magnus can feel it over the bond. But there's an undercurrent of messy emotions underneath that worries him.

He was so proud of Alec when he chose himself, his career, without feeling guilty about it. But even if Izzy's pregnancy sows doubt about his plans, he might still push through, just because he knows now that Magnus is more than happy to be a stay-at-home father.

They gotta talk. But not now. Now, it's time to celebrate one past and three new lives, two of which wouldn't be here if it weren't for his own mother. It's a bittersweet joy to celebrate her birthday like that. Magnus will, nevertheless, cherish the memory of this day for the rest of his life.

Chapter Text

“Ready?” Magnus asks. Alec doesn't think he'll ever be ready for family dinner at his mom's. And today, he can't even drink. He just hopes it'll all go well.

“Do you think we'll get chicken nuggets again?” Max asks.

“Probably,” Rafael says. The boys don't know how lucky they are that they're allowed to eat with their cousins in the kitchen, having fun with the cook instead of sitting still at the dining table.

“Maybe you'll have pizza this time,” Alec says and rings the doorbell.

“Hey, boys,” Luke greets them.

“I'm not exactly a boy,” Magnus jokes. Luke pulls him into a hug, laughing. Alec watches them with a smile. Luke's been their greatest cheerleader, softened his mother a little. Or maybe she's just given up on him. Either way, she has been way nicer the last few times they met.

“And here is the man of the hour,” Luke says, pulling Alec into a tight hug, too. “Congratulations!”

Alec huffs a laugh. “Didn't think the grapevine was still working,” he says. The New York architecture scene is a village and a gossip hell.

“Your mother is very proud of you,” Luke says. Alec bites back a comment about her never saying that to his face. Not in front of the boys. They love her as a grandmother. She always gives them the food Alec and his siblings were never allowed to have growing up.

“Céline and Stephen are in the kitchen. You're having hot dogs tonight,” Luke tells the boys after ruffling their hair. Alec huffs a laugh, watching his boys take off. Magnus squeezes his hand.

“I heard Aldertree was sent to Boston?” Luke asks conversationally as he leads them to the dining room. Alec doesn't tell him that the whole thing was born purely for business reasons. Just to keep the employement numbers artificially low, so that the company doesn't need to abide by big company rules. It's something he and Lydia would change if they had a majority. It's honestly embarrassing. But Luke is still a competitor on the market. Alec would lose his job if he tipped him off, faster than he could say, ‘Workers’ rights.’

“Yeah. No one is sad about it,” he replies.

Luke snorts a laugh. “I can imagine. Didn't miss him when he deserted from us.”

“Alec!” Maryse calls when they enter. She looks positively happy to see him. Alec glances at his mate before he greets her.

“You're looking good. Very handsome. Is that a new suit?” Maryse asks.

It is. A pregnancy suit that Magnus managed to talk him into. He's started showing, at least in his normal clothes.

Magnus smiles proudly at him. “Very handsome indeed.”

“Well, one has to dress for success. I'm glad you finally got through to him,” Maryse says and greets her son-in-law with a kiss on each cheek. Yes, she's definitely in a good mood.

“Have you told her?” Alec whispers into his sister's ear when he hugs her.

“No. I would never,” Izzy says.

They all settle around the table and are enjoying the entree soup when Izzy searches for his eyes. Alec nods. Better to get this over and done with before their mother realises that neither of them is touching the expensive wine.

“Mom, Alec and I, we have something to tell you,” Izzy says as preconcerted.

“We're pregnant,” they say at the same time. Maryse looks from Izzy to Alec to Izzy and back to him again, her face frozen in complete shock.

“That's wonderful!” Luke exclaimes.

“Wow!” Jace says. “Both of you?” Clary squeals when Simon nods and jumps off her chair, hugging him and Izzy first.

“I'm so happy for you,” she says when she comes to hug Alec and Magnus, too. Jace pats Alec's back and pulls him close, unusually quiet.

“Keep an eye on him,” he tells Magnus as they shake hands.

“I won't let him out of my sight,” Magnus promises.

Alec kinda knew that it would be that way with Jace, but watching his brother's sparkling eyes when he congratulates their sister is still a stab in his heart. Just like his mother's silence towards him while Izzy is swamped with congratulations. With Jace, it's at least worry about his health; he never really got over watching him nearly die. And a third pregnancy isn't exactly as special as a first time mother. Alec gets that, too. But Maryse's silence towards him looks way more like disappointment, and that – while expected – is still painful. Starting from the day he presented, Maryse hasn't seen him as anything but a useless baby machine, and now, she's disappointed?

“I'm so happy for you two,” Luke says. “What a beautiful surprise.”

Alec nods, fighting against the tears pricking his eyes. He just wants to leave. But he can't. He has to sit through a whole family dinner, knowing he failed again in his mother's eyes.

“I suppose congratulations are in order,” Maryse breaks her silence.

“I suppose they are,” Alec says flatly.

“At least your mate is able to support the family. How many pups?” Maryse asks.

“Two,” Magnus says. “And we're very happy.”

“And that's all that matters,” Luke chimes in. How he doesn't get sick of always cleaning up behind his mate eludes Alec.

“We should serve the main course,” Maryse says and sits down on her chair again.

“So many joyful announcements today,” Luke says, glancing at his mate. “We should order non-alcoholic champagne and drink to that.”

“I'm sure Magnus can whisk up cocktails fitting everyone's needs,” Maryse says, a fake smile on her lips. It's good, perfectly crafted, but Alec knows it too well.

“It would be my pleasure,” Magnus says. Izzy sends him a grateful smile. Alec should have followed his original plan and told his news later, in private. Now, his sister is feeling bad, but she was so convinced their mother would be thrilled for both of them. Alec knew better, and still, he agreed to this. He destroyed Izzy's moment.

“Did you know that they're allowed to test newborns for their second gender now?” Maryse asks out of the blue.

“It's great, isn't it?” Izzy says.

“What's great about it?” Alec asks.

“We'd be better prepared. I mean, Si and I have no idea how to deal with heats or ruts. Knowing if our kid is a beta or not would give us time to prepare.”

“I think it's a slippery slope. Not all parents are as openminded as you are,” Alec says.

“Wouldn't you have wanted for mom to know what to do when you had your first heat?” Izzy asks.

Alec huffs a mirthless laugh.

“It came as quite a shock,” Maryse agrees.

“I know. No one in this family was prepared for anything but an alpha firstborn.”

“It wasn't improbable, with both your parents being alphas themselves,” Luke argues.

“No, it wasn't. But if Mom would've known that I was an omega, my life would have been very different, and I wouldn't have had a snowball's chance in hell of having a career now.”

“A career you're just too happy to throw away. So what would be the difference, save for thousands of dollars down the drain?” Maryse hisses.

“I'm not throwing away anything.”

“You're pregnant with twins,” Maryse points out.

“You kept on working after you had me,” Alec says.

“I had help. Good nannies cost a lot.”

“I know. So do business managers. Magnus is already looking for one.”

“You're going to stay home with the babies?” Jace asks.

“I'm looking forward to this new chapter of my life,” Magnus says. “Alec worked so hard for his promotion. He deserves to have it all.”

“Hear, hear,” Luke says. He has a silent conversation with his mate after. “Didn't you have an announcement, too, sweetheart?” he prompts.

Maryse works her jaw. “No,” she says curtly and gets up from the table. “I'll check on the food,” she says and storms to the kitchen, her complaints to the personnel carrying over to the dining room. Maryse is angry. Really angry.

“What was her announcement?” Alec asks the question everyone is thinking.

“I don't think you wanna know,” Luke replies.

“About her early retirement?”

Luke wets his lips. “Yes.”

“Did that announcement involve me?” Alec asks. Luke's look is answer enough.

“Shit!” Simon says.

“Don't worry,” Alec says. “I'm sure she already has someone else in mind.”

“Who?” Clary asks. Sometimes, Alec envies her naivety. But she grew up with parents who never saw her as lesser. She doesn't know what it means to be a Lightwood omega.

“Doesn't matter,” Alec says. His mother always gets what she wants, eventually.

Chapter Text

Magnus folds his napkin very slowly and puts a hand on Alec's knee. His mate is still staring ahead, jaw clenched tightly. Magnus is boiling with rage. He didn't expect a lot from his mother-in-law, but this surpassed even his wildest imagination.

“Excuse me for a moment,” he says and gets up. He walks towards the kitchen with measured steps. He's glad to find that the kids have already finished their meal. They're likely upstairs, watching a movie.

“Maryse,” he says calmly, smiling at the poor, red-cheeked housekeeper who's just gotten a royal dressing down. “Can we have a word?”

Maryse sighs and runs a hand through her hair.

“Can it wait until after dinner?”

“I fear not.”

“Then hurry up. Dinner will turn cold.”

“I'll make this short. The way you've treated my mate tonight and so many days before is an insult to the man he is, to the strength he's shown in the past, and the way he conducts himself today. He shared a miracle with you. And I am offended on his behalf regarding your reaction. I have no words. I thought you'd be happy for him, concerned likely, but happy still. Instead you're acting as if his pregnancy was a personal attack on you. And I've watched you treat him badly for years now. I returned to this house, again and again, because my pups have already lost the most important woman in their life, and I didn't want to take away their beloved grandmother. But I have half a mind to grab your son and our children and walk out of this door for the very last time. So I swear on everything that is holy to me, if you don't get back to the table and apologise, thoroughly, you'll never see them again or meet the two beautiful souls growing inside your son right now.”

Maryse tries to stare him down, but she doesn't know that Magnus was steeled by the master of this look—Camille.

“I thought you were a modern alpha, equal to your omega. Don't you think it's for him to decide?” Maryse taunts him.

“Oh, it sure is. But I also promised to protect him in our vows, as he promised to protect me. And while I will never force him to do something against his will, I think he trusts my judgement when I feel like he and our sons aren't in a safe environment. I won't watch any longer how Alec is doing everything to heal from years of abuse you've inflicted on him, and you trample all over him, again and again and again. He is a wonderful man. He is smart, hard-working, and caring, and if you can't see any good in all that, you don't deserve to be in his presence.”

Maryse's eyes tighten even more. If looks could kill, Magnus would lie dead on the floor.

“You may not have been taught how to treat your elders, Magnus, but I raised my son to know what behooves a man of our family,” Maryse hisses. “All he does is what is just and right for a man carrying the Lightwood name. You would know if you weren't a stray he picked up at a flea market. Money doesn't make a lion out of a wildcat.”

Magnus straightens to his full height. It's not the first time he's heard something like this. He didn't expect it from her, however.

“Well, this wildcat is at least not pretending to love their children. If you treated Alec as a full member of this family, then I wouldn't need to have this conversation with you, would I? I can't believe that you raised him to be strong and capable just to drop him like a hot brick. — You meant to offer him The Institute today, didn't you?”

“This is none of your business.”

“You're right, Maryse. It isn't. But your son is my business, and the pups we're raising. You are so blessed, seeing your children grow up to adults, each different and wonderful. And you throw it all away for what? A stupid designation that says absolutely nothing about who they are as a person? You put obstacles in Alec's way, endlessly, and still, he persevered. What does that tell you about his character, his strength, his volition?”

“If he didn't succumb to his basic nature, time and again, I could have ignored it,” Maryse says through gritted teeth. “I tried. Heaven knows I tried. I thought two more years at The Clave and then a few more at The Institute and I could make people forget that he's just an omega. But now he's pregnant, and we know how that will end. All those hormones will flood him, and then, the pups will be there and he'll rethink all of it. Because that's what omegas do, Magnus. They are reigned by their instincts.”

“So are alphas. And still, you went back to work,” Magnus argues.

“Because it had to be done.”

“Is that the reason? You're jealous because I would never judge him for staying home if he wished to?”

Maryse scoffs. “Don't be ridiculous.”

“The only one being ridiculous is you, Maryse. Where is the mother who sang lullabies to her children? Who read them bedtime stories?”

“Alec told you that?” Maryse croaks.

“It's one of his fondest childhood memories. And I missed that phase with Maxwell and Rafael, but I can't wait for him to do that for the babies after a long day at work, pouring all his love over them as every child, small or grown-up alike, deserves.”

Maryse exhales slowly.

“I can't give him the firm.”

“Why not? Is his womb too much to handle for the alphas and betas under your charge?”

Maryse works her jaw. “I need him to have two years of leadership experience before I can have him transfer to us or no one will take him seriously. Are you planning on having more pups?”

“We're not.”

Maryse nods in acknowledgement. “We'll talk in two years then.”

Magnus doesn't know what to say to that. It's not what he came here to achieve.

“You should really try to get into his good graces, because after today's events, I'm not sure he'll wait for your approval any longer. And be assured, I won't ask him to, either. You've disappointed him so many times, thinking he'd come back to you. But make no mistake: As much as I am protective of him, there's no way Alec won't reach a moment where he'll say, ‘Enough!’, for his own sake or that of our children. Because, as you so beautifully put it: That's what omegas do. And as his alpha, I will follow his lead,” Magnus says.

Maryse's eyes widen a little, but she doesn't comment on his words. Magnus hopes he may have moved her a little. He doubts he has, but while there's life, there's hope.

Chapter Text

Alec puts his cuff links back into the box and glances at Magnus sitting at his dressing table, busy removing his makeup.

“That was quite an evening,” Alec says, changing into his sleepwear.

“Yes,” Magnus breathes.

“What did you tell her?” Alec asks the question that has been preying on his mind all evening.

“Who?”

Alec chuckles. “Don't play innocent. You disappeared from the dining room, and then, my mother returned, asked me about the pups, was interested in my due date, and was sweet as saccharine. I thought I'd get gestational diabetes on the spot.”

Magnus lets out an amused sound. “She made a proper U-turn, didn't she?”

Alec hums in agreement. “Not gonna lie. She gave me emotional whiplash. So, what did you do to her, and can I steal that incredible spell?”

Magnus huffs a laugh but it doesn't sound relaxed. He looks at Alec through the reflection in the mirror, fiddling around with his night cream and serum bottle. Alec shifts around on his feet. He fears Magnus’ nervousness doesn't bode well.

“I… I might have said that if she doesn't pull herself together, this would be the last she'd see of us,” Magnus says, studying his reaction through the mirror. Alec takes a deep breath, his eyebrows pinching together as he tries to process Magnus’ words. The threat is understandable but he's surprised nonetheless.

“I know I should have talked with you before saying something like that,” Magnus says. “I was just so angry at her. Seeing your sad eyes, feeling your emotions through the bond… I couldn't stay silent any longer. You are my mate, and I know I can't protect you from all evil, as much as I want to. But this woman has hurt you so badly, time and time again…”

Alec nods. Magnus is known for his diplomatic stance but also for straight words if needed. It doesn't surprise Alec that Maryse's behaviour pushed him beyond his boundaries. It warms his heart and pains Alec all the same.

“You deserved seeing her celebrate your family,” Alec says, remembering well how happy Maryse was when he told her about Rafe and Max.

“I tried not to take it personally,” Magnus says. “But… she was very open about how she sees me.”

“What do you mean?”

The sigh leaving Magnus makes Alec's stomach churn. This doesn't sound like one of his mother's usual pinpricks. Both of them are used to those, as sad as that is.

When Magnus stays silent, Alec walks over and cups his shoulders, pressing a kiss on the crown of his head. He waits for Magnus to gather his words. They are always so well chosen, and sometimes, that needs time.

“I'm not even sure if I should tell you,” Magnus says after what feels like an eternity. “You'll just get angry on my behalf, and you had enough to deal with tonight. I don't want to make this about me. You deserved her celebrating your family just as much, if not more.”

Alec squeezes Magnus’ shoulders. “You are my family, Magnus. And we all deserve better than six stuffy dinners a year at my mom's and the obligatory Thanksgiving at Melanie's. But… isn't that the whole point of relationships? To put in the effort, to stand up for each other, to care?”

Magnus nods, his reflection in the mirror still carved with sadness.

“Tell me. It might lighten your heart,” Alec pushes gently.

“She effectively compared me to a fleasome cat.”

“She did what?!” Alec presses out. “Magnus, that's… unacceptable. This is…”

A thousand thoughts run through Alec's mind, a million ways to express his disgust, but none makes it out, the words just piling up on his useless tongue.

How could she say that? Magnus is the most sophisticated man he knows. He may be unconventional but he is book and street smart, has style and his money is hard-earned. He is kind and generous, fancy and down to earth. He is perfect. Unless…

Alec lets go of Magnus’ shoulders and turns to their nest.

No. That can't be! But this feels wrong on more levels than one. Alec slumps down on the edge of their bed and runs his hands over his face.

“Did… did she ever say something like this to you before?”

“No,” Magnus replies, turning on his stool. “Her manner towards me was always aloof, but she never blew up on me like that. Likely because we've never been alone before.”

Alec nods. It figures, he reckons, a ball of lead forming in his stomach.

“Did she ever voice any racist stuff around you?”

Magnus gapes at him for a long moment. “No. I mean, one could read her words today like that. I've heard things like this before, like that a donkey doesn't turn into a horse just because its standing in a racing stable. But I never sensed any microaggressions from her, though some of the things she's said over the years might well have been. Remember when you asked me about how systemic racism affects me in my day-to-day life? I don't think your mother ever did that work, questioning the ways her whiteness benefits her, the way you've done.”

“She's mated to a black man. How could she not?”

“As sad as it is, Alexander, that's not a given. Many white partners of people of colour never question themselves. — Do you think her being not as welcoming of our pups could be partly motivated by the fact that they will be Asian-Americans?”

Alec shrugs. “I don't know. Maybe on some level. Either way, I am so sorry you had to listen to that. I'm not sure how I will deal with it, but I will. I promise.”

“It's alright, Alexander.”

“No. It isn't. She wanted to make you feel small. If she'd only open her eyes… You are and have been the perfect mate for me.”

“Alexander, I…” Magnus launches into a protest.

“No, Mags. We've had our struggles. This is not me ignoring our challenges. But you were so patient with me and unwavering in your love and support. You fought for me. I am so unbelievably happy with you. She can't just stalk around and hurt the man I love, insult the father of my children. I'm so…”

Angry. Devastated. Disappointed. Hurt. On Magnus’ behalf.

“I know,” Magnus says. “That's why I meant to keep it to myself.”

“I don't want you to. It's one thing to expose myself to her vitriol. But I won't allow her to hurt you or our boys. Or the pups in the future. God, I wanna drive over and shake sense into her.”

“Alexander, you should sleep on it. No rash decisions. She is still your mother.”

“What mother needs a good telling-off by her son-in-law to purport to be happy about her son's pregnancy? What mother talks badly about a man who has been nothing but an inspiration to so many including her grandsons and me? If I had heard that, I would have left immediately. Next time, you tell me. If there even is a next time. I'm so done with her. Enough is enough.”

“We have two months to decide,” Magnus says. Alec doesn't know if he wants to ever see her again. He nods nonetheless, suddenly dead tired.

“All the things you have to deal with just because of me,” Alec says.

Magnus gets up and walks over to him, cupping Alec's cheeks gently. “My life is so much richer for you being in it, my love, and I wouldn't change it for the world.”

Alec pulls Magnus between his parted legs and presses his cheek against Magnus’ stomach.

“That doesn't erase the harm I and others inflict on you.”

“At least you try to open your eyes, Alexander. That you questioned your mother's motives is a good sign. And I feel safe with you, because I know, even if you do make mistakes, you're open to learn and change. I fear there will be more of those lessons coming your way when the twins are born.”

Alec nods. He'll try to be prepared for it. But is one ever?

Chapter Text

A few weeks later

Magnus stands by the side of the examination table, his hand clasping Alec's, both of them brimming with emotions. Magnus had looked forward to this day, hopeful anticipation tinged with a bit of dread and a whole lot of remorse. He should have been there, the first time Alec got an ultrasound, should have held Alec's hand as they both looked at the screen with wonder instead of all the sadness and confusion that must have wrecked Alec's body instead. But they can only have this, can make new memories together as the pups grow. He can be a better alpha now and make up for the pain his traumatised brain inflicted on the man he loves.

“Are you ready for this?” Alec asks as if reading Magnus’ mind. He's been at this point before, so it's probably not as fear-inducing for him as it is for Magnus. Or he's just covering up his worries for Magnus’ sake. Magnus doesn't like that thought one bit.

“I can't wait to see our pups,” Magnus replies. “And you? Are you worried?” It's a Freudian slip, and his smart mate catches it, because, of course, he does. Alec gives him a sympathetic smile and squeezes his hand.

“I told you. Omegas are perfect baby machines,” Alec says. “I know the pups are going to be fine.”

Magnus clenches his jaw. He hates it when Alec refers to people like himself as such. How often must he have heard that term attached to omegas growing up that he internalised it despite all the many things he achieved apart from having kids? It doesn't help that he's kinda right.

“Good morning,” Tessa greets them when she enters. It had taken Alec some time to ponder if he should move to her practice when he learnt that his old ob-gyn had retired. Magnus was a little relieved that he went for it. He knows Tessa will take good care of his mate and their pups, that she sees Alec as a human and not a vessel to produce an alpha's heirs.

“How are you feeling, Alec?” she asks.

“I could do with a bit more sleep, but apart from that, I'm good.”

“Alright,” Tessa says, smiling. “Let's get a look at those babies then.” She probably knows how nervous Magnus is. They've been friends for so long. She doesn't know what transpired at the beginning of the pregnancy, only Catarina does. But even without any of that, she is well aware of Magnus’ worries. They had several talks about them before he agreed to Alec's wish for another pregnancy.

Tessa doesn't let them wait, applies the gel to Alec's abdomen. It elicits a shiver from his mate that makes Magnus squeeze his hand a little tighter.

Magnus’ eyes are fixed on the monitor, his breath held in a mixture of hope and nervousness. Tessa moves the probe over Alec's stomach, and the screen begins to reveal the unfamiliar black-and-white image that shows what's going on within Alec's slowly growing baby bump. At first, there seems to be neither rhyme nor reason to it, the shapes abstract like the paintings on Magnus’ office walls. It's a world of shadows and lights that Magnus can barely interpret. And then, as if by magic, two distinct forms appear.

“There they are,” Tessa says with a smile, pointing at the screen.

A rush of emotions floods Magnus, his heart aching in strange ways. Seeing the tiny, perfectly formed bodies of his children bring a lump to his throat. They are real. They are here. He knew that, and still, the imaging drives it home in ways Magnus can't fathom.

Two small hearts, beating steadily in unison. He can see the outline of their heads, their tiny limbs curled up as if they were cuddling with each other. Maybe they are.

“They look... they look so perfect,” Magnus whispers, his voice cracking. He glances at Alec, whose eyes are filled with tears, too. Alec nods in agreement, his lips trembling but his smile radiant.

Tessa measures the twins, pointing out various features, explaining what they are seeing.

“This one is Pup A,” she says, highlighting the first form. “And this one is Pup B. Both look healthy and are growing right on track.”

Magnus’ mind races. He is imagining their future already, picturing the pups snuggling in their nest, the sound of double baby giggles, the chaos and the joy of raising their older pups and the twins. He sees late-night feedings, the endless diapers, but also the incredible moments of connection, the bond that his twins will share with each other, their brothers, and with their fathers.

As Tessa moves the probe, Magnus can differentiate the pups even better. A wave of love washes over him, profound and all-encompassing. He leans closer to Alec, pressing a kiss to his forehead. Alec is building these perfect pups. His mate is doing that.

“They're beautiful,” Magnus says, his voice filled with awe. Mesmerised, he watches as one of the babies moves, a tiny arm stretching out. It is a small, almost imperceptible motion, but it feels monumental.

“Did you see that?” he asks Alec, his voice thick with emotion. “They moved.”

Alec nods, his face lighting up with joy. “I saw it,” he says, his voice barely above a whisper.

Magnus can't tear his eyes away from the screen. Seeing his children for the first time, so small yet so real, fills him with an overwhelming sense of protectiveness.

“Can you tell us their first gender?” Alec asks. “Or do you not wanna know, babe?”

“Um,” Magnus replies. He never really thought about it. “Is that even possible so early?”

“I'm already pretty sure about one of them,” Tessa says.

“Okay,” Magnus says. “What are they?”

“Pup A is a girl,” Tessa says with a soft smile.

“We're going to have a baby girl?” Alec asks. Tessa nods.

“A little princess,” Magnus breathes. “And the other?”

Tessa moves the probe, eyebrows pulled tight in concentration. It shouldn't be important, Magnus thinks to himself, but this is strangely exciting. Not that he has a preference either way.

“I'm sorry,” Tessa says. “The way Pup B lies, I can't visualise their genital area properly. You'll have to wait till next time.”

“Something to look forward to,” Alec says, beaming. Did he secretly hope for a girl? Or was he always that radiant seeing the pups growing inside of him? It's a stupid thing, but Magnus is sad that he wasn't there when Alec met Rafael and Max for the first time.

Tessa keeps on measuring, her jaw growing tense as she focuses on a part that Magnus can't decipher. It isn't one of the twins, so much he thinks he knows.

“Is something wrong?” he asks.

“Not wrong, per se. Alec has a placenta praevia. That means the placenta is implanted in the lower part of the uterus, and right now, it is covering the space to where Alec's birthing canal will open up during labour.”

“That sounds bad,” Magnus says, feeling Alec's hand tightening in his own.

“It's way too early to worry about that. As the pups grow, the placenta will change. In many cases, it travels up and separates from the cervix.”

“And what if not?” Magnus asks.

“Then Alec would need a Caesarean as a natural birth won't be possible. But maybe that wasn't your plan anyway?” Tessa asks.

Magnus looks at Alec. It is his decision to make.

“I wanted to at least try. I found the recovery after Rafe way easier, to be honest. Could be due to the other stuff surrounding Max's birth, of course.”

“Both options have their pros and cons,” Tessa says. “Regarding the placenta: We'll keep a closer eye on the development. That means more than the usual ultrasounds. But you don't have to worry, okay? Everything looks really good.”

“I'm feeling good, too,” Alec says, cleaning his stomach with the tissues Tessa gives him. “I don't wanna jinx it, but I haven't felt sick for a whole week.”

“That's great. Are you taking your natal vitamins?”

“Religiously.”

“Good,” Tessa says, typing something into her computer. “Your tests came back fine, too. So nothing speaks against going on vacation. I'm so envious. We still have to wait another three weeks. Say hi to Mickey Mouse from me.”

“We will,” Magnus says. It's a shame it has taken him so long to fulfil the boys’ wish, but with Alec being pregnant, a 20-hour flight to his mother's homeland as they had originally planned for this summer vacation didn't seem that good of an idea anymore. So Disney World it finally is. They haven't told the boys yet. It's supposed to be a surprise. That Catarina and Madzie are joining them, too.

“Remember to take breaks, Alec. I know it's only the second trimester, but you carry twins and this is your third pregnancy. Don't overdo it,” Tessa says.

“He'll make sure of it,” Alec quips, sending an amused yet loving look in Magnus’ direction.

“I sure will,” Magnus says. He'll probably annoy the hell out of his mate, but now, more than ever, he understands what it means to be an alpha. He'll protect his family, their boys, their girl, the as-of-yet unlabelled pup, and his mate with everything he is and has.

Chapter Text

Alec sits down and stretches his legs. He should have never stopped running. His stamina has gone down the drain. A few weeks of nausea mixed with way too much work kept him from his daily round, and now, after only a few hours of walking and a few easy rides, he's knackered. But the kids are having fun, and that's the most important thing.

Catarina joins him on the bench. Probably so that he doesn't feel bad about needing another break. She's a generous person. This is nothing to her. She's used to being on her feet all day.

“A four to three parent/kid ratio has its perks,” she says looking at their mates and kids standing in line.

“Yeah,” Alec huffs. “No idea how this will work when the twins are here.”

“You're a pro Alec. It's gonna be fine.”

“But this is all new to Magnus,” he points out.

Catarina snorts a laugh. “He took care of Mina when she was little. Jem had his first big international tour when Tessa was preparing for her last exam. Did he never tell you?”

“No.” Alec huffs. His mate is full of surprises. It's a wonderful thing. He lived such a rich life before they met. Alec knows he was partly running from his past, but he envies him still. His world and experience is small, compared to the vastness that is Magnus. And still, Magnus is happy with what he has now. It's probably the biggest miracle of all.

“So, at least one of us knows how to care for girls,” Alec quips. He's a bit worried, which is probably nonsense. How hard can it be? If his boys taught him one thing, then that one-size-fits-all doesn't work with kids anyway. The two pups will tell him what they need, and he'll do his best, which has to be enough.

It's a beautiful and sweet thought that they're going to have a baby girl. Not that it matters. And still.

“You'll do great,” Catarina says matter-of-factly.

“It's going to be hard… returning to work.”

Catarina hums in understanding. “You know you can still change your mind, right?”

“Magnus already hired a manager.”

The sadness that flooded Alec when Magnus told him came as a surprise. But it was right after that terrible family dinner, so he was probably just confused. Or emotional. Damn pregnancy hormones!

“You could both stay home for a while. Magnus wouldn't mind,” Catarina says.

“Did he say something?”

Catarina knocks her shoulder against Alec's. “He didn't have to. He loves you. He loves your boys. He loves your babies. He's been chasing love and joy his whole life, Alec. Now that he found it, he wants it all, and especially a happy mate. If returning to work makes you happy, he'll be a stay-at-home father and supportive husband who backs you up. If you wanna spend the first weeks, months, years with the twins, he'll be just too happy to share. Magnus will never judge you either way. All he wants is for you to choose freely.”

Alec takes a sip from his water bottle and waves over to his family passing by on the ride. He breathes a sigh.

“I don't know what I want. No, I do. It's just too much. And I'm not sure if I want it for the right reasons.”

“Do you wanna run it by me? Sometimes it helps to let the thoughts exist outside of your head.”

Alec quirks a smile. His world may be small but it has expanded so much since meeting Magnus. Now, it's full of caring people who see him, who like him for who he is. He knows his siblings love him, but he's still their big brother, the one who partially raised them. Their relationships are beautiful, but different.

“I feel like I have to go back to work,” Alec confesses. “Lydia needs me. My department needs me. And I wanna become a partner.”

“Sounds like there's a but.”

Alec huffs a laugh. “Yeah. A big fat but. I'm not sure if I truly want it for myself or if I'm still chasing my mother's approval.”

Catarina hums in understanding. “That's a hard thing to crack.”

“Yeah… And then, there's the fact that I'd do a disservice to all omegas working hard on their careers if I chose my family over my career. If I, the poster omega boy, stay home after pupping…”

“You're only responsible for your own life, your family. If someone uses your decision against other omegas, then it's on them, not on you,” Catarina argues.

Alec swirls Annisa's ring around his finger. Magnus’ gift of intent means even more, now that Alec knows the full story.

“Why doesn't it feel like it, then?” he asks after a long moment.

“Believe me, Alec, I know what it's like to carry the weight of standing for a huge group of people. But I learnt that doing what's right for me is the best way to remain true to myself.”

Alec nods, taking another gulp from his bottle. “You're right. I just need to find out what's right for me.”

“That's the hard part. The rest will follow easily.”

“Did you have fun today?” Alec asks as he tucks the boys in.

“So many people,” Rafael sighs.

“Too many?”

“No. It was alright,” he says and snuggles into the siblings’ nest that the boys built for themselves. They're growing up so fast. Too fast for Alec's liking.

Alec lets out a relieved sigh. His oldest is so much like him, it hurts sometimes. Alec could never fully enjoy himself on special occasions, crowds too overwhelming and his mother not really the kind of parent who adapts her plans to their children's needs. But they seem to have managed to strike a proper balance.

“Can I see Jasmine again tomorrow?” Max asks.

“Maybe. Let's see, okay?” Alec says. “Now sleep. Tomorrow is another day.” He presses a kiss to their foreheads. Max tugs on his shirt as he does every time Alec brings them to bed. He chuckles. He knows what's coming.

“Good night, babies,” Max says and presses a kiss on Alec's baby bump, leaving a wet imprint on the fabric. It doesn't cease to elicit butterflies in Alec's stomach. He's not sure if it's the twins or just a wave of joy. Either way, it makes Alec's heart sing.

“Sweet dreams,” Alec says and switches off the light. He walks out through the common area to the patio where Catarina, Fernando, and Magnus are sharing a bottle of wine.

“Is Madzie already asleep?” Alec asks, sitting down in the free lawn chair opposite his mate. Magnus taps his thigh with his free hand, and Alec puts his feet up just too willingly. He feels as if he ran the New York Marathon again.

“She was out within a minute,” Fernando laughs.

“Lucky you,” Alec smirks.

“I doubt the boys will take much longer,” Magnus muses. “How are you feeling?” Magnus asks, his magical fingers rubbing over Alec's feet just right. Alec hopes his alpha will continue doing this when he's round as a balloon and walking like a penguin. It's a nice thought.

“I'm good. Tired, but good,” Alec replies. “Seeing the boys like this… I couldn't help walking down memory lane.”

“To a certain evening when we talked about coming here?” Magnus asks, quirking a knowing smile.

“Yeah.”

“We've come a long way since then,” Magnus says.

“We have,” Alec agrees.

The sun is already beating down on the bustling streets when the group of seven walks down Main Street USA the next morning.

“I can't wait to ride Space Mountain!” Rafael exclaims. Alec exchanges an amused smile with Magnus. As calm as Rafael usually is, he turned out to love everything fast and potentially scary. Still waters run deep.

Alec wishes he could share this with him, but baby machine or not, he does know that he isn't exempt from dangerous decisions that could put this pregnancy at risk. And while he's trying his best not to let fear get the better of him, this new pregnancy did bring back some unprocessed stuff. After Max's birth, he was so focussed on his NICU baby, of pushing down the anger towards his mate and society at large that he never dared touch the fact that he nearly died because his life meant nothing without an alpha attached to it. But with the low-dose aspirin he has to take daily now, it's getting harder to ignore that there might be another opportunity for life to screw him on the horizon. Yes, he can make his own medical decisions now. And that placenta praevia thing doesn't really scare him. He still hopes it'll pass. But no matter what he decides his future shall be, having to be on bed rest or having preemies would decide his future for him. In theory, he could lead the department remotely for a while, but not being present is a sure way to miss certain things, and people like Imogen are just waiting for him to stumble.

Clary did carry to due date, and she's way smaller than him. That gives Alec hope that they'll make it to the finishing line. But it's his third pregnancy, and work is stressful. Good stress mostly, but still. He wishes he could fast-forward, that it was all over already, that his pups were safely in his arms. Maybe then, he would know what to do.

Alec wonders how much longer it will take his colleagues to figure out that he is with child. Will the pressure rise or fall with that? Alec honestly can't make a confident prediction. It could go either way.

Magnus’ fingers sliding between his own pull Alec out of his train of thought.

“Are you okay, Alexander?” Magnus asks.

“Yes, just… thinking about work and stuff. Sorry.”

Magnus squeezes his hand. There's no judgement in his eyes. Still, Alec tries to focus on the here and now. Work takes enough out of his everyday life and worries have never benefited him. The boys and Magnus deserve his full attention. It's their last vacation as a family of four, after all. And Alec is determined that they will make the most of it.

Chapter Text

4 months later

“Another long day?” Magnus asks, gesturing to his future manager to wait until he finishes his phone call.

“I can hardly ask my people to do overtime and go home myself. The deadline is 3 am as it's a West Coast deal. I'm so sorry, but it's the last time. I promise.”

Magnus forces himself to take a deep breath. He promised Alec to support him, didn't he? He just never thought that Alec would still push himself this much so late into the pregnancy. But his mate also has a point. Magnus is trying to get everything important done at the Pandemonium, too. When the twins are here, everything unfinished might slap him in the face.

“I'll pick up the boys,” Magnus says, scanning the paperwork spread on his desk.

“Perfect. You're the best. I gotta go now. Love you.”

“I love you, too, Alexander. Don't forget to take breaks.”

“I promise. Don't worry. I'm feeling great. Can't wait to come home.”

Magnus believes him. That's why it's hard to be mad at him for working so much. Whenever Alec is home, he's present with all of his being, even when he's dead on his feet sometimes. Magnus doesn't know how he does it. And he worries. He can't help it.

Yes, the whole placenta praevia scare has long gone and their two girls are growing perfectly. The nursery is nearly finished, and Magnus bought way too many things for the babies. He can't help it. But these tiny clothes are just too cute.

Alec doesn't seem to be in nest building mode yet, however. Sometimes, Magnus wonders if he doesn't allow himself to give in to it in fear of something. Magnus has no idea of what. Alec is allowed to be excited that the babies will be here, soon, to gush over cute dresses or electric cradles. But the booked birthing class aside, Alec is behaving as if nothing has changed. Is it because he doesn't want to act as what others deem omegalike?

It was a miracle when Alec agreed to go baby shopping with his sister. Izzy had been begging for weeks. Magnus knows that Alec hates shopping, but not if it's for others. He probably thinks it's a ruse, and he'd be right. His mate needs supportive clothes, and he deserves the best quality, something that suits his style. He's struggling enough. The omegaphobes at The Clave aren't exactly subtle, now that Alec is more than showing. He deserves to feel his best, and a good fitting pregnancy top for men is the least that Magnus can do for him. But Alec needs to try them on. There's no way around it.

“I'll have to leave early,” Magnus tells Maia.

“Do you want me to finish the books, boss?”

“Yes. You'll be responsible for them soon, anyway,” he replies, giving her a warm smile. He's so glad she agreed on accepting the manager role. He can't think of anyone more deserving of his trust than her. “I'll go over them on Monday and give you feedback, okay?”

Maia smiles. “Have a good weekend.”

Magnus grabs his coat. “I will,” he says. Two days of family time. They deserve it.

“Why are you fighting this?” Izzy asks.

“Because…” Alec sighs. She may not have a problem with buying what is essentially a bra for pregnant men, but as much as he looks forward to nursing the twins, however long it may last, this part of pregnancy has always freaked him out. What normally is a flat chest now is a milk factory in development, and it only offers him up to stupid alphas ogling him more than usual. Yes, it's great that no one forces him into feminising clothes, but even under the jumpers he switched to wearing over his dress shirts, his tiny breasts are visible. Or maybe it's all just in his head.

“Don't they hurt? Without a bra, I'm dying,” Izzy says, looking simply gorgeous. Alec doesn't know how she does it. She's further along than him.

“They feel tender,” he admits.

“The shirts would help with that. Come on, Alec. Just try one on. And if you hate it, then so be it.”

Alec admits defeat. They're both in their thirties, and yet, his sister's big eyes still sway him. He won't have a chance against his twin girls if they are just a fraction as powerful as their aunt.

Much to Alec's chagrin, the paternity shirt does make a difference. His chest looks flatter somehow, the fabric not as irritating as his usual undershirts.

“And?” Izzy askes through the curtain of the changing cubicle.

“You were right,” Alec mumbles.

“Fantastic! Do you wanna look at the pregnancy belts next?”

“Yeah,” he sighs. His back has been killing him for a while. Tessa recommended a belt during his last screening, but he forgot to order one.

They shop for a few more items before they walk over to the childrens’ department where Magnus has been looking for clothes for the ever-growing boys. And likely a few more outfits for the girls, too. It's so sweet to see his sparkling eyes whenever he brings home something new.

When they find the others, Magnus is talking intensely with a woman Alec has only ever seen in pictures. He stops still in his tracks. She's impossibly more beautiful. A wave of insecurity hits Alec like a truck. Magnus must have felt it as he scratches his chest.

“I… I forgot that I need more pregnancy briefs,” Alec says and turns around.

“Alexander,” he hears, much to his dismay. “We're over here.”

He sighs in defeat. He turns, putting on his most winsome smile, even though he feels like he's on his last legs.

“Hi,” he says, praying that the strange woman is just an employee who looks like…

“Etta, may I introduce you to my mate. Alec, this is Etta,” Magnus introduces them.

“Nice to meet you,” Alec says. Etta shakes his hand, a polite smile on her face.

“That's an impressive baby bump you've got there,” she says. “You must be due any day.”

“I still have eight weeks,” Alec replies.

“Poor you. The last weeks are the worst. But you're surely growing a huge litter. I only had one pup. I'm so glad that I have my body back to myself again.”

A huge litter? Alec is grateful that Magnus doesn't correct her. He knows only having twins is unusual for an AO couple.

“I imagine,” Alec forces himself to say. “How old is your little one?”

“Three months.”

Alec just manages to keep himself from gaping at the woman in high heels and expensive sheath dress in front of him.

“Oh, I can only hope to look as fantastic as you when I'm that far,” Izzy says. Alec knows she probably will. His sister is still dressed to the nines, her heels only a little lower than usual. Next to the two women, he feels like a frump in his soft pants and comfy jumper.

“It's all about self-discipline, my dear,” Etta says.

Alec wants to curl up and die. This is the woman who Magnus wanted to build a life with. If she hadn't broken his heart… the power couple that they would have been.

“Speaking of which: I think we have a waffle house to hit or these angels will turn into hangry little monsters,” Magnus says. “It was so nice seeing you again.” He bids Etta goodbye with a kiss on the cheek.

Alec has to close off their bond for a moment. He can't have Magnus feeling his jealousy. It's pathetic. It's not Magnus’ fault that Alec has chosen comfort over trying to match the exquisite taste of his mate. It's not Magnus’ fault that he doesn't fit in his jeans anymore, either. Not even the pregnancy ones. He needs a bigger size, and that all thanks to not much movement and too much late-night snacking. He should probably forgo the waffles and order a salad.

Self-discipline.

Etta is right. Too much work, too little sleep, putting spending time with his boys over taking care of himself—it's all just cheap excuses. Alec knows he could put more effort in his appearance. And he doesn't really need to eat for three. He should just tell Magnus not to buy everything he craves. It's usually not healthy food. His twins deserve better, and Magnus does, too.

Chapter Text

“You've been rather quiet tonight. Is something bothering you?” Magnus asks after he tucked the boys in.

“No. I'm just tired,” Alec says. It's a half-truth. He still feels guilty about it. He can hardly complain about Magnus’ gorgeous ex-girlfriend, though. But – because he apparently is a masochist – he adds, “Must have been weird… running into Etta again.”

“It was a surprise for sure,” Magnus says and takes his rings off his fingers. In any other circumstances, Alec would think he'd… No. Not with a whale like him, sweaty after a day on his swollen feet on top of that. God, he's so disgusting.

“Three months postpartum… I didn't look that good three years after Max.”

“That's not true. You looked great in the pictures of his christening.”

“I barely fit in my suit.”

“You had just gone to hell and back, Alexander.”

“I was all healed up,” Alec says and sits down on the edge of their bed. His back is killing him. He needs a break before he goes and gets a shower.

Magnus walks closer, pushing Alec's chin up with gentle fingers.

“You are always beautiful to me, Alexander.”

Alec snorts a mirthless laugh. Magnus has dated Hollywood level beauties, saw one of them from up close today, saw what he could have had with her or someone else on his level, someone choosing style over comfort. Alec is just a consolation prize, won his heart by divine chance.

He scratches over the itching skin of his belly, the scars driving him crazy more and more every day. The twins sitting on his bladder are another fun addition lately.

“What is this really about?” Magnus asks, concern pulling his eyebrows tight.

“You said you'd have followed her anywhere,” Alec blurts out. He doesn't even know where this is coming from.

Magnus needs a moment to put the puzzle pieces together.

“Because that's the way I love, Alexander. I don’t hold back with affection or investment. I love with all my heart.”

Alec nods, brushing away the tear that escaped his control. That's why Magnus is still here. He's invested. And as much as Alec doesn't feel deserving right now, he still thinks the others deserved Magnus’ commitment even less. They were beautiful and worldly and smart. But they didn't care one bit about Magnus. But he does. Enough to deny himself waffles he had been looking forward to all week. Enough to try to be better in the future.

“And they broke it, again and again and again,” he all but spits. He's angry. He doesn't know exactly about who or what, but it has to get out.

“Yes,” Magnus says, his voice quiet.

“I don't get it.”

Magnus breathes a sigh and pulls a chair in front of Alec.

“I understand that you don't. You couldn't let yourself fall in love freely because of the arranged mating and everything. And I'm sorry that you weren't loved this way before we met. I wish someone did.”

Alec gapes at him, flabbergasted. How can Magnus even say that?

“I don't. I'm glad that you're my first love. My only love.”

Magnus nods in understanding.

“I see that it pains you that I can't say the same, but I won't apologise for it. Look… I am who I am. And you are who you are, and all the magic in the world can't change that. But one thing, I know: You are my forever, Alexander.”

“Etta was your forever, once,” Alec presses out. Magnus shakes his head and brushes the tears running over Alec's face away with gentle hands.

“Until I met you, I always knew that my relationships had an unknown expiration date,” Magnus says.

“Then why even start? Why take the pain?”

Magnus quirks a sad smile. “Because I needed to be loved… if only for a little while.”

Alec chokes on air, his chest too tight with the pain coming over the bond.

“You were lonely,” Alec says under his breath.

“‘Loneliness’ doesn't hold the vastness of what I was feeling. My relationships, even those that were toxic, kept me alive. I wouldn't be here today without Camille. Etta pulled me off the ledge, too. Dot… There was a time when she taught me how to mix a new cocktail every day, just to give me a reason to live for another 24 precious hours. And yes, Catarina could have done that, but there is something about someone trying to see the lovable in you that no one has ever seen before.”

Alec looks at the hands in his lap, at Annisa's ring on his finger. “I know what you mean. You saw me, too.”

“And I still see you,” Magnus says, taking these very hands into his own. “Every day, I see you. And every day, I fall a little more in love with you. Sometimes, I think it's too much, that my heart will burst with it. And then, it grows, makes room for more. I've never had that before. And no, I know what you're thinking. That's not the bond. I've seen true mates spend their lives together, content but never changing. But not us. We're evolving, growing together in the same direction. You are the love of my life, Alexander. No one can top what we share.”

“But she was so beautiful. And I'm…” Alec trails off. This is just pitiful, embarrassing.

“You're mine,” Magnus says. “She isn't. And I wouldn't want it any other way. You are mine and I am yours.”

“You want this?” Alec asks, gesturing at himself. Magnus looks confused.

“I want you. All of you.”

“A scarred, undisciplined… walrus?”

“Alexander! No one talks about my mate like that. Not even you.”

“I…” Alec tries to protest.

“No! You are pregnant with twins. You're working hard every day. And your scars are a sign of your resilience. Remember when you said there was nothing ugly about me? How can you be so kind to me but so cruel to yourself? You are the furthest from a walrus. Which reminds me that you still owe me the two last episodes of the Dead Boy Detectives. That's the only real relationship problem I see.”

Alec lets out a surprised laugh. It sounds wet but it lifts a boulder off his chest.

“We could snuggle up on the sofa and binge them,” he says.

“You said you're tired.”

“Yes. But… I wanna spend a bit more time with you, and in our nest, I'll just fall asleep. I'll skip church tomorrow.”

Magnus raises an eyebrow. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I've missed you.”

Magnus nods, smiling knowingly. “Alright then. Popcorn, chips, or chocolate?”

Alec swallows hard. “I'm sorry that I embarrassed you in front of your ex today,” he says in lieu of an answer.

“Emba… What? Alexander! I could never be embarrassed about you. You're my pride and joy. I'm in constant awe of you.”

“Mags.”

“It's the truth. And if you think otherwise, then I made a poor job of showing you. You are incredible. And I understand that you are struggling with the changes this pregnancy brings, but not a single one of them makes me love or desire you any less, do you hear me?”

Alec nods. “Sorry. This week was a lot. The client was an asshole alpha. He constantly treated me like air. And that while I'm fucking huge.”

“Did you tell him off?”

“No. But The Clave will put an extra fee in for demanding Sebastian to check my plans. He barely glanced at them.”

“Because you're excellent at what you're doing. You're twice the man than that douche.”

“Even with these?” Alec asks, waving his hand in front of his chest.

“Yes,” Magnus says and presses a kiss against Alec's lips. “Wanna share a shower before we put our feet up?”

Alec nods and lets Magnus pull him up. Magnus’ hands all over his body, his fingers working shampoo into his hair? How could he ever say no to that?

Magnus presses his lips to the back of Alec's neck before he starts lathering him up. It feels so good, Alec could cry. Stupid hormones!

He leans his forehead against the cool tiles, quiet noises falling from his lips as Magnus’ hands run over his arms and back with the gentlest of touches. All the tension of a long, hard week bleed out of Alec's body, and when Magnus presses his chest to his back, every concious thought dissappears, leaving peaceful quietness behind.

Magnus’ hands move to the front. “That okay?” he asks when he soaps up his chest. As much as Alec struggles with his body at times, under Magnus’ magical touches, somehow, it always feels right. Maybe he should ask for it when his mind goes to dark places. Magnus is always a very tactile person, generous with physical affection, but between work and family duties, the most they've touched lately is when they sleep at night, and with Alec's restless legs, even that has grown to happen less over the past few weeks. No wonder that the insecurities crept up on him. He misses his mate, even when Magnus is right next to him.

But here, in the small space of the shower, Alec doesn't need to ask Magnus if he still finds him attractive, still likes to touch his body. He can feel his mate's want through the bond and his physical reaction pressing against his body.

God, Alec misses shower sex.

“Magnus,” he presses out, the word a needy little sound. Alec doesn't care. Magnus would never judge him.

Magnus hums in response. To what exactly, Alec doesn't know. Magnus runs his hands over Alec's belly, pressing closer, their joint arousal filling the shower stall.

Alec's wolf purrs, happy and content. But this still isn't enough.

“Want you in me,” Alec presses out.

Another kiss to his neck, this time to his mating bite. It punches a ragged breath out of Alec's lungs.

“I've wanted you all day,” Magnus murmurs into his ear. “You have no idea how sexy you are. I always thought you in a tux on our wedding day was the pinnacle. But nothing prepared me for you, round with our pups, in soft clothes, smelling and looking like a ripe peach with your pink cheeks and...” Magnus trails off into a possessive growl that sends goosebumps over Alec's skin.

Alec chuckles, his wolf preening. It's primal satisfaction, but it tastes so sweet, filling his chest with molten warmth.

“Yeah?” he asks, turning around in Magnus’ arms. “What about me naked?” It sounds teasing but Alec still holds his breath, waiting for his alpha's answer. Which is probably stupid with Magnus’ want hanging in the air between them. But Alec still feels vulnerable, a little raw from the day and their conversation. He needs to hear it.

A low rumble works out of Magnus’ chest. “Your body fills me with awe and wonder,” he replies, trailing his fingers over Alec's sides. Alec wasn't expecting those words. He swallows hard against the building lump in his throat. “And I wanna lose myself in it for the rest of my life,” Magnus adds, his eyes flashing red for a long moment. Alec cups his cheeks with both hands, leaning their foreheads together.

“I love you so damn much, the thought of losing you kills me sometimes,” he whispers.

“You can't get rid of me that easily. I'm not going anywhere” Magnus says.

“Because you're mine.”

“Yes,” Magnus confirms. “Only yours.”

“Let's get washed up and in our nest,” Alec says, skimming his lips over Magnus’.

“You're taking the words out of my mouth, my love,” Magnus replies. Butterflies storm Alec's stomach at the mischievous sparkle in his eyes. Or it's the twins rearranging his insides. It doesn't matter. His alpha loves him, and that's all Alec needs.

Chapter Text

Magnus squeezes Alec's hand. He can feel his mixed feelings over the bond. Today will be tough on so many levels, and Alec hasn't felt fit for days. His results are still good, no signs of pre-eclampsia so far. But he is heavily pregnant with twins, working as if he wasn't. He will also meet his mother today after months of mostly radio silence. There wasn't a big fight or anything. She called him on his birthday, he video called her on hers, pushing the boys into the front row. Magnus doesn't blame him. Alec has to pace himself, and the energy that would have been lost in a confrontation was better invested in him and their family.

Alec leaves him constantly in awe. He is probably too strong, too disciplined for his own good, but this is his mate, and Magnus can't help being proud of him. Even when he has to take a breather before facing his mother.

“Hey,” Jace greets just as Alec raises his hand to knock. They all hug, the kids filling the staircase with happy chatter. They haven't seen their cousins in ages.

“You look fantastic,” Clary says as she barely manages to embrace Alec. He snorts a laugh, but Magnus can feel a surge of joy through the bond. He knows Alec is still struggling. And his frustration at work is growing day by day. Lydia and Sebastian do their best to shield him, but he can only do his work when he meets clients, and those are mostly alphas. Alphas who want Alec's vision but not being reminded that the man they trust is an omega. Magnus doesn't know how it doesn't just drive Alec round the bend. He would have sent these people to hell a long time ago. But his mate has perfected focussing on the goal and ignoring the noise. Magnus hopes he's not just compartmentalising and the whole thing will kick his ass eventually.

“He does, doesn't he?” Magnus agrees, laughing as the kids just storm their aunt and uncle's home through the unlocked door, likely disappearing into Simon's music room, their favourite space when they are staying with them.

“You should've thrown a baby shower, too,” Clary says as they walk in.

“It's my third pregnancy. No one cares,” Alec says. Magnus doesn't miss the sadness flashing over Jace's face. He cares a lot. Magnus knows that. They shared their fears around Alec's pregnancy, Jace from the perspective of someone who nearly saw his brother die, and Magnus as the one who might have put him in danger again. They've probably never been as close as during that conversation.

“We could do a sprinkle,” Clary suggests. “Or a mocktail party. It doesn't have to be something big. Just celebrating you and your girls.”

“December is full of celebrations already,” Alec argues. “And the babies could come any day.”

“You still have a few weeks, Alec,” Jace says. “Everything's okay with you, right?”

“Yes. I'm good. It's just… we have everything we need already. And there'll be the Christening, too.”

It's all true, and still. Magnus had hoped Alec would change his mind after he said he wouldn't celebrate his birthday big this year and forgo his traditional Christmas party, too. But Alec is probably tired just thinking about having a crowd over, even if they are people he loves. He mostly spends his free time cuddling with their pups or his mate in their nest. He needs a lot of rest and comfort, barely makes it to church most weeks now, and Magnus has taken over visiting Melanie's grave with her boys for a full two months now. It's evidence for how exhausted Alec is that he stopped. It's a great proof of his trust to let his alpha take over, too. Magnus can see that.

“Izzy, you look fabulous!” Alec exclaims as he spots the reason for forcing himself out of bed on his day off, the pride coming over the bond warm and honest. He's such a good brother, even now that they're all grown ups.

“Look who's talking,” she chuckles, and they bump their bellies together with loud laughter. They've grown closer again throughout their pregnancies. Magnus knows they're texting all the time. Just like with Aline who is short of going into labour. Magnus is glad that Alec has other people to talk to who are in a similar situation.

“Well, isn't that a picture,” Maryse's voice carries over, sounding cheerful. Alec's body tenses up immediately. “I thought your due date was in January. You look as if you could have the baby on the spot.”

“He's carrying twins,” Clary states, her eye-roll audible. Magnus can't picture her being as round as Alec is now. His height and broad shoulders take a bit away from the massive belly, but it is impressive anyway.

“Well, I have never seen him this round before,” Maryse says, unfazed. “And it looks pretty low already. I just worry.” She sounds strangely honest.

“I'm good, mother. Magnus is taking good care of us.”

Pride swells in Magnus’ chest. He does what he can. It never feels like enough. Alec deserves the world, but the world is tearing at his seams constantly. And there's that primal part in Magnus that is rearing its head, the part that wants to hide his mate away, feed him sweets, and not let anyone inside until the girls are two or something. Of course, he doesn't share these impulses. Because they're just that, nothing to give in to. Save for the sweets part. There's nothing better or more satisfying than a happily munching Alec balancing a bowl of snacks on his ever-growing belly.

Since their run-in with Etta, Magnus has made sure to tell Alec how beautiful he is, how desirable, and worthy of everything good. It seems to be working as Alec is initiating sex again. He's insatiable. Not that Magnus would complain.

“I never expected anything else. Your mate is a sublime alpha,” Maryse says, genuinely smiling at Magnus. It's unsettling. And not only to him. The siblings and their partners don't even try to hide their surprise, exchanging looks that would make him laugh if the tension in Alec's body wasn't skyrocketing high.

Them not coming to the family dinners anymore was a non-issue amongst the Lightwood siblings. No one seems to have expected them to ever return. And now, this? This must be giving him whiplash.

“I wouldn't go that far,” Magnus replies, breaking the stunned silence.

“Oh, don't sell yourself short, Magnus. You have always been good for Alec. Under your loving care, he has bloomed. I may have had my prejudices in the past… but seeing you stand by Alec… it's what every mother wants for her children.”

Magnus huffs a surprised laugh. Absence does make the heart grow fonder, so it seems.

“I heard you'll be playing bartender today,” Maryse continues, her eyes glittering suspiciously. “I was wondering if you could teach me a few of your famous alcohol free cocktails tonight.”

“Why would you want to…?” Alec starts but trails off.

“We're planning on doing dry January,” Luke explains.

“It would be my pleasure,” Magnus says. “I suppose the ingredients are in the kitchen?”

“I'll show you,” Simon says. “What possessed her?” he asks when they're out of earshot.

“I have no idea,” Magnus replies, “but I hope it'll last.”

He means it. He is a person who is easy to forgive others who honestly try to change. Life's too short for holding grudges. And he knows that his mother-in-law's disdain has been hurting his beloved immensely. Magnus believes in healing, in reconciliation. And if he has to teach his mother-in-law virgin margaritas and piña coladas as a first step to achieve that… well, he's done less pleasant things in his life than mixing a few mocktails and trying to let someone squirm themselves out of the hole they dug for themself. He's not one to gloat. And with Alec's stubborn plans to go through with his career plans, they will probably see much more of Maryse in the future.

Chapter Text

“I just don't understand why we have to pick it up today,” Magnus chuckles as he pulls the bars of the elevator closed. They barely fit into the small lift up to his old apartment. The boys are running up the stairs as there is no space left for them.

Alec dreads the flight of stairs to the top he'll have to climb. He's so round, and his body feels so heavy. That it's winter in New York isn't helping. Too many clothes are required. He wants the girls to be safe in his belly, but he catches himself wishing they would hatch, sooner rather than later. But not today!

They wave at the boys when they pass them. Max and Rafael giggle and speed up even more. They'll fall dead into bed tonight for sure.

Alec smiles to himself. They had a lovely early dinner at Magnus’ favourite restaurant. It's been a while since they went out. Getting take-away is their favourite date option lately. If one wants to call eating pizza on the sofa while Magnus massages his feet dates. Magnus seems content with it, however. And Alec is so grateful that he gets to experience this. Magnus is the doting alpha he thought he would be.

“I suppose my nesting instincts are kicking in.” Alec chuckles. Nearly everything is ready for the babies. Thanks to Magnus, if he's completely honest. It's been just too nice, watching Magnus being excited about the little and big things. They have more new baby gadgets than Alec ever owned. He's a simple person. He gets the need for certain things, though. Magnus will take care of two babies all on his own rather soon. Alec will have four weeks with them before he has to return to work. Lydia pushed for it after Aline asked for an extension of her maternity leave. It's better for the department's planning, Lydia argued, but it feels like a concession she had to make. Not that she would burden him with such knowledge. Alec doesn't even know why he pushes himself so much. Is his job really worth all of that?

With Maryse's one-eighty, it might well be. Or not? He still hasn't wrapped his mind around the surprising change. Did Magnus’ words and the distance they kept finally drive it home that he won't be her puppet anymore? Or is something more sinister at work here? Alec doesn't really have the energy to dissect it. He'll take the good as long as it lasts.

Alec still doesn't know what he wants, even with his mother out of the equation. Four weeks is nothing. He knows that. With Rafael, he had barely left their nest at that time. With Max, it was different, of course. Alec doesn't want to think about what would happen if the girls ended up in the NICU like their brother did.

No, it's gonna be fine. And four weeks are a lot of time. He'll work partially from home for a few more weeks after that, too. It's probably a bigger issue in his head than it will be in reality.

They slowly climb the last flight of stairs. The boys catch up with them, still full of go. Magnus laughs when he pushes the key into the lock.

“Steady,” he chuckles as he swings the door open.

“Surprise!” the crowd of guests filling his living room shouts. Magnus startles, mouth agape with unguarded surprise. Alec thought he'd smelt the ruse from a mile away, but he clearly didn't.

“Wha— Alexander!”

“Happy birthday, babe,” Alec says, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“You… I said I don't need a party.”

“And we both know why you did that,” Alec smirks, shoving him gently towards his guests. Catarina pulls Magnus into her arms first.

“Happy birthday, my dear,” she says. It's a big hello from there. Catarina helped Alec put together the guest list. There are friends he only heard of in stories. Magnus introduces them, one after another. Alec is completely worn out when they finish the round. He slumps onto the sofa, right next to Dot, who smiles at him.

“You made him very happy today,” she says.

“He's sparkling,” Alec says, satisfied. His mate is always gorgeous, but nothing makes him more beautiful than the radiant smile on his face.

“I just try to return what he gives me every day.”

“I always knew he'd bloom as a family alpha. With the right mate, of course,” Dot says and takes a sip from her cocktail.

“Yeah?”

Dot hums. “That's why we had to break up. I never wanted children.”

“Really?”

Dot smiles sadly. “I'd be a bad mom. Mine wasn't the best.”

Alec looks across the room to where Maryse and Luke are in deep conversation with Ragnor.

“Mine wasn't either. But… we're not doomed to repeat their mistakes, you know?”

Dot chuckles. “I like kids the age of yours. I'm not sure if I'd have the patience for a baby, potty training and messy dinner tables.”

“Well, you know that the boys always love it when Aunt Dottie comes over.”

Dot scoffs at the name, but Alec knows that she secretly loves it.

“That's only because I bribe them with sweets.”

“There are worse ways to a pup's heart, Dot.”

She smiles. “I suppose. I'm just glad that you let me be a small part of their lives. Of yours.”

Alec nods. He had to push himself a little at the beginning, but he's glad he did. Magnus not once gave him reason not to trust him. Dot is a dear friend now, their romance a thing of the past.

Alec slips out of his dress shoes. Good breeding be damned. His feet are killing him. Dot puts a pillow on the coffee table for him to prop them up. Alec imagines her pampering Magnus like that. He couldn't be jealous of her anymore if he tried. He gets it now. He's glad that Magnus was loved before they met. Would he prefer it if they met at college or something? Yes. But they each lived their lives, and they are happy now. That's all that matters.

“I'm glad he had you when he needed you most,” Alec says.

“I needed him just as much. I'm not sure if he knows that.”

“What was he like back then?” Alec asks.

Dot quirks a smile. “The centre of every party, but often lonely in a room full of people.” She breathes a sigh. “I've never seen him as happy as he is with you.”

Alec tries to suppress the proud smile growing on his face, but he's lost the fight before he even started. Graciously, his girls save him from being a sappy omega in public.

“Oomph,” they punch out of him. “I don't know how they still find space to move,” he presses out after catching his breath. He chuckles in relief when they settle down again.

“They are your alpha's pups; always ready for a party,” Dot quips. Alec throws his head back, laughing.

“Where are the boys?” Ragnor asks, popping up next to them.

“In their room with the other kids, I think,” Alec replies. Secretly, he's thought of suggesting moving here. The boys would have bigger rooms, and nothing tops a nice summer evening on the roof terrace. Besides, having all rooms on one floor sounds like heaven right now. But that's probably just his pregnant body talking.

“Why?” he asks.

“I've got a birthday present that involves them,” Ragnor explains and walks away.

“What's that about?” Dot asks. Alec has an inkling, but he doesn't dare hang his hopes too high, so he shrugs.

“Papa,” Max calls loudly across the room a minute later. All conversations quiet down immediately. Max grins at the attention of everyone in the room. Rafael behind him blushes. Alec beckons him over to sit with him.

“What's up, honey?” Magnus asks, walking over to his as-of-now youngest.

“We aaaaall got a present today,” Max announces. Alec is surprised that he hasn't jumped on the coffee table to give his proclamation even more substance. Max will become a theatre kid. Alec just knows it.

Max raises a large envelope in the air. Magnus arches an eyebrow and puts his drink on the table before he takes it. He opens the flap, pulling out a small stack of papers. His eyes grow wide as he studies the content, then, he tears up.

“Do you know what that is?” he asks. The boys and Alec shake their heads.

“Uncle Ragnor says he did magic,” Max says, glancing at the chuckling Englishman. “What is it?”

“It's the best birthday gift, ever,” Magnus explains and hands Rafael and Max a paper each. Max's eyebrows grow tense with concentration as he reads. He looks up at Magnus, then back at the paper. He presses his pointer on a spot.

“This? Is that real?”

Magnus nods, ruffling his hair. “Yes. This is real.”

Max lets out a shout with glee. Rafael starts crying. Alec pulls him into his side. He knows these are tears of joy.

“What is it?” Maryse asks.

“I'm Maxwell Michael Lightwood-Bane now!” Max singsongs and does a little dance. His grandmother's mouth falls into a silent O.

“I didn't know you were petitioning for a name change,” Jace says, beaming. “Congratulations!”

Alec smiles at his alpha. Magnus takes his hand and squeezes it.

“You're a true family now,” an old friend – Matthew? – says.

“We've been a family from the moment we met,” Alec says. “It's just official now.”

“I must agree, Mr Lightwood-Bane,” Magnus says and bows down for a kiss. And this time, it's butterflies that Alec has in his stomach. Like the time he allowed himself to utterly fall in love with the best alpha he's ever known.

Chapter Text

“Everything looks great,” Tessa says and hands Alec the paper towels to clean up the ultrasound gel. “No contractions on the CTG either.”

“Only Braxton Hicks,” Magnus chuckles.

“Only,” Alec scoffs.

“Sorry, Alexander. I didn't mean to play down what you're going through.”

“It's alright. I'm driving up the water bill trying to gauge if labour is starting. I basically live in the bathtub outside of work.” Alec chuckles.

“You deserve the relaxation,” Tessa states matter-of-factly.

Alec smiles, tired but happy. Magnus melts a little at the sight of it. He knows what this means to his mate. As of today, the girls won't be preemies anymore.

“I won't be working the next two weeks, so if they should come then, I'll have to give you into the trusted hands of my colleague,” Tessa says.

Magnus is not too happy about that prospect. Tessa has been his rock throughout this pregnancy, has always had an open ear when his fears grew too loud. But it's Christmas, and Tessa is a hard-working mother. Her family deserves to have her to themselves.

“Fingers crossed, I'll have to do the work anyway,” Alec says and pulls up his pregnancy trousers. How they still fit is a miracle.

“We sure hope so,” Tessa replies, smiling. “And if not, you're going to be in the best hospital in the city.”

Of course, Alec will be. Magnus made sure of it.

Alec's phone goes off. He checks the number, making an apologetic face as he picks up. Magnus looks after him until the door falls closed behind his mate.

“Work?” Tessa guesses. Magnus breathes a sigh.

“He pushes himself so hard. I'd lie in the bathtub all day if I were him.”

Tessa chuckles. “Some people need to work till labour starts to stay sane. Work will go on the backburner that very moment. You'll see.”

“Was it like that with you?”

“Pretty much. I mean, an emergency Caesarean gives you pause. And then the tiny pup in your arms…”

Magnus nods. “Mina was so tiny.”

“She's not tiny anymore. Enjoy it as long as it lasts,” Tessa says and squeezes his shoulder. “Merry Christmas, my friend.”

“Merry Christmas, Tessa, and a Happy New Year.”

“Yeah, we can do that… No, that's fine, Aline. Really. I gotta work anyway. Just send me the Zoom link… Great. See you then.” Alec hangs up.

“Aline?” Magnus asks. “How is she?”

“Fine. Tired,” Alec replies, chuckling.

“She wants to talk? Sorry, I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but…”

“It's fine. No privacy here. Yes. She suggested the 24th.”

“You're gonna work on Christmas Eve?”

“From home. Don't worry.”

“I worry all the time.”

Alec rolls his eyes fondly. “I know. But I gotta stay on top of things. I could drop out of the race any day. I can't be sloppy. And on the 25th, I'm all yours.”

Magnus gives him a small smile. Alec knows he's overdoing it, but if he doesn't want the forced four-week break to be the end of his career, he has to do it like this. If he wants it or not. And honestly, most days, he doesn't. Every step feels like a Herculean task. He's always tired, can't sleep. He takes power naps throughout the day, but that's just a drop in the ocean compared to the sleep he'd need.

‘Just a few more days,’ he tries to soothe himself. Magnus has dialled it down already. Maia will organise the New Year's party at the Pandemonium. He is free like a bird from now on. Alec envies him. Which is stupid. He chose this, didn't he?

Sometimes, he's not so sure. Maybe he's still Maryse's marionette, doing all of this for a position he might never call his own. Even The Clave still has a long way to go. What if he sacrifices experiencing large chunks of the girls’ formative years for nothing? What if one of his kids presents as an omega and thinks child rearing is all they're good for because he gave up everything? And what if his example keeps them from being a happy stay-at-home parent because they think only professional success is a good thing to strive for? What if their alpha father choosing them over his work is a shining example for every single one of them, no matter their second genders?

All these questions keep on creeping up on Alec. He's probably powering through so that he doesn't have more time to think about them. But the pit in his stomach gets harder and harder to ignore.

It's not that he doesn't trust Magnus to do well with the girls. He'll be the best. It's just…

“There's no shame in tapping out,” Magnus says softly, squeezing his arm. Alec huffs a surprised laugh. Before he presented, he and Jace sparred all the time, both of them wearing bruises like badges, showing them off in front of their mother in hope of praise. Giving up was never an option, until the day Maryse demanded Alec to stop ‘acting like an alpha’. He kept on fighting in other ways for a while, but he knew it was over the day Maryse agreed to Melanie courting him. And now that his alpha has given him a second chance, how is he supposed to give up ever again?

“I'm good,” Alec replies. Because he truly has no reason to complain.

“Can we cuddle, Dad?” Max asks, standing on the door to his fathers’ bedroom. Alec smiles up from his phone.

“Sure,” he says and pats the empty space next to him. Max crawls into the nest with a happy grin and snuggles up to him. He puts his hand on Alec's wobbling belly.

“I can't wait to meet them,” he whispers as if it were a secret between them. Alec smiles at his little big boy and brushes his fingers through his hair.

“Me, too.”

“Do you have names for them?”

Alec hums in affirmation.

“What are they?”

Alec chuckles. “That's a surprise.”

“Pleeeease, Daddy. Tell me.”

“I can't. But you'll be one of the first to know.”

“Promise?” Max asks.

“Cross my heart.”

Max nods satisfied. “Can I play with them?”

“In the beginning, they won't be able to do much, Maxie, but when they grow, I'm sure they'll love playing with you.”

“Can we look at the pictures again?” Max asks. Alec knows which pictures he means. They've looked at them so many times all throughout Alec's pregnancy.

“Of course.”

Alec taps his way through his phone until he finds what he is looking for: the pictures of the day they finally brought Max home from the hospital.

He swipes through them, slowly.

“Can I do that, too?” Max asks when they get to the photo with little Rafael pressing a kiss to his brother's forehead. Alec melts a little at the mental image the question conjures.

“Yes. Yes, you can kiss your sisters.”

“Because I love them.”

“You do already?”

Max hums and swipes to the next photo, showing the original family of four.

“I miss mommy,” he says.

Alec swallows hard. “I bet she misses you, too.”

“She's always with us,” Max says with conviction. “She can be the girls’ guardian angel, too.”

Alec doesn't know what to say to that. But maybe, Max is right. Maybe Melanie looks down at him and his joy fondly, glad that he found what she had taken for herself in the past and the parts she could never allow herself, either.

“She'd be so proud of you and Rafe,” Alec says, pressing a kiss to the crown of Max's head. Max smiles and snuggles closer. Alec closes his eyes, relishing it. Things will change with the girls’ arrival. But this, he hopes, will always stay the same.

Chapter Text

Alec looks at the clock in the corner of his laptop screen and adds the time to the list on his notepad before he looks back at Aline.

“You don't have to decide straight away,” she says, but her eyes are filled with hope. “You have other things to worry about, right now,” she adds. Alec hums, seemingly in agreement, but honestly, he's thinking about little else, save for his boys and the health of his baby girls. Everything is ready for their arrival, everything but him. How did this pregnancy pass so fast? It feels like yesterday that his whole world seemed to fall apart, and now…

Magnus puts a cup of herbal tea in front of him with a soft smile and walks out of the room again without even making it on the screen. Alec takes the mug and breathes in the familiar steam. It's a special tea Magnus’ family sent him. It's supposed to prepare the body and make delivery easier. It doesn't taste half-bad, so Alec humours Magnus by drinking it.

His mate has become a little more traditional lately. Not in a bad way, just… He's digging into his Indonesian roots more, having long conversations with aunts and uncles, even hiring a tutor to work on his mother tongue, too many details buried under decades of only speaking it occasionally. Alec still doesn't know what to make of the not-touching-the-floor rule,* but tradition is important to him, too, so he accepted Magnus’ request of honouring his Balinese ancestry. And Magnus agreed to letting the girls be baptised, so Alec truly can't complain. It's kinda sweet, really, the way Magnus digs into himself just to give their girls better access to their roots. Alec reckons it might close some holes in Magnus’ soul, too, that his terrible childhood left behind.

“I will let you know as soon as I come to a decision,” Alec says. “Merry Christmas. Say hi to Helen from me.”

“She sends her regards, too. Merry Christmas, Alec, and an easy delivery. Enjoy your pups’ first days. Time passes too fast.”

Alec nods and raises his hand in lieu of a goodbye before he disconnects the video call. He switches off the laptop and allows himself a moment to breathe before he heaves himself off the desk chair and walks down the stairs and into the kitchen where his alpha is finishing the preparations of their Christmas dinner.

Alec presses a kiss to Magnus’ cheek and his own against his alpha's shoulder right after. Magnus returns the gesture with a kiss to Alec's hair. Alec knows he's been more needy lately, craving his alpha's touch and scent. Magnus doesn't mind, indulges him just too happily. Alec knows that, but some conditioning is hard to shake. Pregnant as he's been, it was even harder to resist the urge to play tough all of the time. Alec knows he's robbed himself of some beautiful moments due to his behaviour, but since he's been working mostly from home, he's allowed himself to just be. And Magnus, perfect as he is, hasn't commented on the change.

“Good talk?” Magnus asks. Alec hums in affirmation, his thoughts still jumbled.

“She…” Alec starts but Rafael interrupts him.

“Can we watch Encanto, please?”

“Yes,” Alec replies.

“Thaaaaaanks,” comes Max's voice from behind his brother. Alec chuckles and pulls a bottle of juice out of the fridge. When he turns around again, he sees Magnus gently smiling at him.

“What?” Alec asks.

“Nothing,” Magnus replies. “You're just really pleasant to look at, handsome.”

Alec looks down at himself, raising a questioning eyebrow. “Like this?”

“I love you in sweats,” Magnus smirks with a shrug. Alec rolls his eyes. His alpha says the sappiest things.

“Well, you must have been really happy lately then,” Alec quips. He can't even remember the last time he wore jeans at home.

“Oh, I can assure you, I'm enjoying every moment of it,” Magnus says, laughing. Alec shakes his head at his silly alpha, warmth spreading through his chest. He's one lucky man.

Alec breathes through another wave rolling through his body.

“How far apart?” Magnus asks, all focus on Alec.

“Too close to eat your feast at home,” Alec sighs. As much as he's wanted for this pregnancy to end soon, now that the girls might become Christmas twins, he wishes they would stay a little longer inside.

“That's why I bought all that new Tupperware,” Magnus says. “Do you want me to call Clary and Jace?”

Alec shakes his head. “Not yet. It'd be too early. Let the boys enjoy their movie. I'll try to get a few winks. Who knows when I will get to sleep again.”

Alec nuzzles against Magnus’ neck for a long moment, breathing him in deeply before he forces himself to let go of him. He needs to rest. The babies are coming.

The doctor discards her examination gloves and smiles at Alec brightly. “You're all set, Mr Lightwood-Bane. The birth channel is wide and your cervix is opening nicely, too.”

Alec smiles proudly, a little triumphant. Magnus exhales in relief. He does his best to look calm on the outside, though he is anything but. He knows they're in the best place if anything bad should happen, but he feels powerless. All he can do is support his mate as best as possible.

“The tea is surely working,” Alec says, sounding teasing. Magnus chuckles. He thinks it was probably more for his benefit than Alec's that his mate drank it, but it was a nice ritual either way. It certainly satisfied Magnus’ wolf. Alec's too.

“Do you want something to drink or eat?” Magnus asks, resuming the shoulder massage he had to interrupt for the examination.

“Neither,” Alec replies. He has that focused tone that Magnus only ever hears him use when he's concentrating on a detail in an online meeting or whenever he prepares to shoot an arrow. Magnus checks Alec's facial expression. Yep. He's focussing.

Magnus wishes the surroundings weren't so sterile. He read that omegas love darker rooms for delivery. Tessa promised Alec he could be in one of the delivery rooms that are painted in a maroon red, with dimmed lights, and cosy blankets. But tonight's delivery team decided to opt for the OR, in case an emergency Caesarean should be necessary. Magnus prays it won't. Alec deserves a happy ending, one where his body doesn't betray him again. Magnus couldn't care less how the twins are born, but he knows Alec needs it.

“We've got this,” Magnus says despite himself.

“It's no problem. We're Lightwood-Banes,” Alec replies.

Magnus huffs a laugh, not sure if he can fully trust Alec's firmly spoken words. “That we are,” he still agrees.

“I'm done,” Alec presses out. This isn't going anywhere, and he worked so hard. It feels like hours have passed since they got here, the pressure building relentlessly. He's not so sure anymore if aiming for a natural birth was such a good idea. He's not feeling bad. The twins are good, too. It's just… He wants to get up from this stupid birth chair.

There are too many people in the room. When he birthed Rafael, it was only the midwife and him. This reminds him too much of Max's delivery with one person between his legs and one scrubbed up professional on each side.

“Not long now,” the doctor says, her voice gentle and assuring. “She's passing. That's the hardest part. You remember?”

With her reminder, Alec does. It was the same with Rafael. It didn't take long until he held him in his arms after this weird Fuck-it-I'm-going-home-now feeling.

“Really?” Alec breathes.

“Really,” she says.

Alec sends a tired smile towards his mate, then closes his eyes, pushing with a quiet groan until his lungs force him to draw fresh air.

“You're doing great,” Magnus praises. The words barely penetrate Alec's consciousness, but the sound feels like a blanket wrapping warmly around him.

“You really are, omega. Give me one more push,” the doctor says. Alec probably breaks Magnus’ hand as he complies.

It's another three pushes, but then, he hears, “The baby is crowning.”

“That means…” Alec starts but trails off.

“Yes,” the doctor confirms.

Alec gives her a weak smile, waiting for her sign to push again. He loses sense of his surroundings, the whole world falling away as time and space shrink to the distance between waves and the burning of his body. It's the strangest feeling. One moment, he's full to the brim, thinking he'll tear apart any second, the next, the pressure is gone and a tiny human is lying on top of him, being rubbed until she lets out a few disgruntled noises. Alec blinks down at his complaining girl. It's surreal.

“Is she okay?” he asks, a sudden bout of worry claiming his chest.

“She's perfect,” Magnus croaks as he brushes tender fingers through Alec's hair.

“Can I hold her?” Alec asks, hands itching with his wolf's need to check that everything's alright.

“Yes. For a moment,” the nurse on his right says. She helps him put the pup on his chest. The baby nuzzles against his skin immediately, letting out quiet noises of content. Alec brushes over the dark, wet hair, overwhelmed and exhausted.

“She's…” he whispers, lost for words.

“She is, indeed,” Magnus breathes.

“Look at her,” Alec says, as if he had to encourage his alpha who is positively smitten with their little girl already.

Magnus presses a kiss to her head. “Welcome to the world, Annisa,” he whispers. “You're perfect, too,” he murmurs into Alec's ear. “Thank you.”

Alec looks at the miracle in his arms. He made her. Every cell of her tiny body was nourished and grown by his own. They made it. But wait!

He looks at the doctor examining him. She seems concentrated but relaxed. Different from Alec.

“Is… is Kemala coming already?” he asks. He has no idea how much time has passed, how long he has been marvelling at his newborn daughter.

“Do you feel the urge to push?” the doctor asks. Alec nods, holding his baby a little tighter.

“I'll take her,” Magnus says. Alec growls at him on instinct.

“It's easier for you if you can focus on delivering,” Magnus states, unfazed by his mate's primal behaviour. Alec sighs and presses a gentle kiss on Annisa's head. He knows Magnus is right.

“Skin-to-skin,” he orders, as he readies himself to hand the pup over to her Papa. Magnus chuckles and unbuttons his shirt. Alec catches a glimpse of their baby snuggling up to his alpha's chest before he's pulled back into his body.

“The second twin is in a good position,” the doctor says. “I'll break the water now.”

Alec nods, closing his eyes to forget the people around him. All that matters is Kemala. He wants to hold her in his arms, too.

He does soon after, tears of exhaustion and happiness streaming over his face as Magnus returns Annisa to his arms again. He can't take his eyes off his little girls.

“Do you want us to draw blood for a gender test?” a nurse asks.

Alec shakes his head.

“Are you sure?” she asks Magnus. Alec rolls his eyes.

“It doesn't matter to us,” Magnus replies. “Their gender won't define who these girls are going to be.”

“You heard your papa,” Alec says to the pups. “The world is your oyster. That's what he always tells me,” he adds more quietly. Magnus hears him anyway.

“That's true,” he says. Alec can fully believe it for the very first time.

Chapter Text

Magnus takes Kemala out of Alec's arm. She protests half-heartedly before she settles calmly against his shoulder.

“You look good with a baby,” Alec says, grinning up at him before he dips a nigiri into the soy sauce.

“You, too,” Magnus smirks. It's a picture to behold: Annisa is sleeping peacefully in her daddy's arm, a sushi buffet filling the bedside table in front of Alec.

“Where did you get fresh sushi on Christmas Day?” Alec asks with his mouth full.

“A magician never shares his secrets.”

“Well, you are quite magical, so…” Alec grins. He looks so full of life, even though the night was cut pretty short. It's probably cliché, but he has never looked more beautiful to Magnus than this. Alec's eyes are sparkling as he looks at their daughters, munching the long forbidden food.

“So, will they let us go home?” Alec asks.

“If everything's okay during the check-up,” Magnus says. “Are you sure about that?”

“About going home?”

Magnus nods.

“I'll have so little time with them. I wanna cherish every moment of it. I want them in our nest.”

“You're right,” Magnus says.

A quiet knock pulls their attention. Max and Rafael press through the half-opened door with Jace laughing behind them.

“Sorry. They couldn't wait any longer,” he apologises.

“They're so tiny,” Max whispers, his eyes growing wide in awe as he marvels at his sisters.

“You were even smaller,” Alec says. “Wanna take a closer look?”

Max nods and walks over to him. “What is her name?”

“This is Annisa,” Alec says. “She's the third Lightwood-Bane child.”

“Hi, Annisa,” Max says and presses a kiss to her head. “I'm your big brother Max.”

The men all chuckle at the cute interaction. Jace pats Magnus on the back. “And who is she?” he asks.

“This is Kemala,” Magnus replies. “She's still tired from birth.”

Magnus’ eyes fall on his rather quiet eldest. “Are you okay, Rafael?”

The boy nods, but his eyebrows are pinched.

“Do you wanna hold her?” Magnus asks.

Rafael's eyes shoot up to his. “I can?”

“Of course. You're her big brother,” Alec says. “I remember holding Aunt Izzy after she was born.”

“What if I let her fall?”

“You won't,” Magnus says. “I'll help you, okay?”

Rafael nods and sits down on the nursing chair. His eyes are cautious, but Magnus can see the excitement and wonder in them when Magnus lays the baby girl into his arms.

“You gotta support the head,” Alec says.

“I know,” Rafael says, rolling his eyes. “She's a baby.”

Alec huffs a laugh. Magnus can feel his unbridled joy coming over the bond. Kemala starts whimpering, moving in her brother's hold. Rafael shushes her gently, rocking her in his short arms as if this wasn't the first time.

“À la claire fontaine
M'en allant promener
J'ai trouvé l'eau si belle
Que je m'y suis baigné,” he sings, his baby sister calming down immediately.

Magnus gapes at him. “Where did you learn that?”

Rafael looks at him as if to say, ‘Duh.’

“Daddy sang it to us. It's his favourite,” Max explains. Magnus looks over, smiling at his little boy cuddled in his Daddy's arm. Alec shrugs.

“My mom sang it to me when I was little, so I sang it to Izzy and to my boys, too.”

“You never cease to amaze me,” Magnus says. “It's a lovely family tradition. How did it come to be?”

“Maryse had a French nanny, growing up,” Jace explains, sharing a knowing smile with Alec. Even after all this time, Magnus learns new things about his mate.

“You sang it beautifully,” Magnus praises his son.

Rafael quirks a lopsided smile. “Thank you… Papa.”

He sounds off, so Magnus searches his face. He looks so much like Alec when he worries about something.

“What's up?” he asks quietly, only for his eldest to hear.

“They're here now, and… I'm happy, I just…” The crease between Rafael's eyebrows is growing deeper as he pulls his sister closer.

“You're having mixed feelings?” Magnus guesses.

“She looks like you,” Rafael says in lieu of an answer.

“She does. But looks aren't what makes a family, honey.”

“I know,” Rafael says. “Uncle Jace looks different, too.”

“Yes.”

“I just… I love you, Papa,” Rafael says. Magnus can see that these words come with a whole mountain of other emotions. This is a lot for his worrywart son.

“I love you, too, honey,” he says, cupping Rafael's cheek to make sure that his pup hears everything that he has to say. “You and Daddy and Max and Annisa and Kemala—you are my world, and nothing will ever change that. Do you understand?”

“Yeah. Okay,” Rafael says, his smile looking more genuine.

“Do you want me to hold her again?” Magnus asks.

Rafael shakes his head. “Not yet,” he replies, the words followed by an exhale that seems to come from the depth of his soul. The sound makes Magnus’ heart clench. He will prove himself worthy of the boy's trust. He won't ever let any of his kids down.

“How are you doing?” Jace asks, sitting next to Alec's hospital bed.

“Good.”

“Did everything go alright?”

“It was close to perfect,” Alec says, brushing his fingers over Max's back as his boy snuggles up to him. Alec smiles down at him. It's so sweet to see how gentle the grade schooler is with his sister.

“I'm glad,” Jace says, eyes filled with something.

“I told you I'd get the best medical support money can buy,” Alec tries to wash the look off Jace's face.

“I know, I just… I don't want to dwell in the past, but I'm not gonna lie. I was worried… a lot. You didn't take care of yourself.”

“I was healthy throughout the pregnancy,” Alec argues. In hindsight, he could have been more generous with himself, but he didn't harm himself or the girls, and isn't that what matters at the end of the day?

“Remember what mom always said about omegas?” he asks, hoping that Magnus is soon done with his conversation so that he can take a picture of Max and Annisa holding hands.

Jace huffs a mirthless laugh. “Nothing I would repeat in front of our children.”

“You're right.” Alec sighs. “But I'm good. The twins are good. I'll have Christmas dinner at home.”

“You think you'll still be hungry after that feast?” Jace teases, looking pointedly at the huge sushi order.

“I just birthed two babies, so… yes,” Alec quips. Jace laughs out loud, startling the babies. The soothing shushes of the boys warm Alec's heart, making it overflow with fondness. His joy spills wetly over his cheeks. He doesn't care. This is his family. His pack is complete. He can feel it, his wolf happy and proud.

“Clary was ravenous after birth,” Jace says, pulling him out of the emotional wave sloshing between him and his alpha.

“Thanks for taking the boys. Sorry that we crashed your family Christmas,” Alec says, trying to rein in his emotions.

Jace shakes his head. “You having the girls, all three of you happy and healthy? That's the best gift this year. I'm happy for you, Alec. We all are.”

Alec smiles. “I am happy, too.”

He looks around the room, at his alpha and their four perfect pups. How did he ever get so lucky?

“You deserve this, you know?” Jace asks.

“I do,” Alec agrees.

Chapter Text

“Feeling better?” Magnus asks. Alec nods, rubbing the towel over his still damp hair.

“Like a human again.” He chuckles. It's the small things, isn't it? When he had Rafael, taking a shower on his own was a luxury reserved for times when Lydia dropped by. Melanie had needed a while until she connected with her firstborn. Alec getting the minimum amount of me-time a freshly pupped person could do with was not high of a priority for her. The thought makes Alec's heart ache in retrospect. They have two babies now, and Magnus has managed them alone if need be with so much will and tenderness—it shines a certain light on Alec's past.

“Circulation okay?” Magnus asks, ever the caring alpha.

Alec smiles. “Yes, babe. Can't wait to have a bath again, though.”

Magnus laughs, making Kemala stir next to him. She's the easily roused one of the twins, her sister a heavy sleeper. Magnus and Alec shush her gently. Thankfully, she goes back to sleep again.

Alec crawls into the nest and snuggles up to Magnus’ back. It'll probably be only a matter of minutes until one of the twins wakes up to be honest, hungry or with a full nappy, so he soaks up his alpha's proud and soothing scent and the warmth of his body.

They are a good team by now, two weeks into the family-of-six thing. Time's running too fast for Alec's liking.

Magnus hums in agreement. Alec must have said his thought out loud.

“Just two more weeks…” Alec trails off. He's already answered a bunch of work questions by email to keep important projects running. And then, there's Aline's offer still sitting on his mental table. There wasn't even time to discuss it with Magnus. Alec thinks the moment he talks about it, the decision will already have been made anyway.

But could he do it?

“There's something wrong with the toilet,” Rafael says, standing in the door all of a sudden.

“In what way?” Magnus asks.

“There's water everywhere on the floor.”

“Shit!” Alec says, already moving. Magnus tsks him and keeps him from getting up.

“Where is the main water supply?” he asks a minute later, the legs of his pyjama bottoms soaked.

“Laundry room, left to the washing machine,” Alec replies, groaning inwardly. The house has been acting up lately. Due to his pregnancy, he couldn't give it the TLC it deserves and needs. Yes, Magnus charged professionals with major repairs, but it's not the same as taking care of it himself. For Alec that is.

“I called Gretchen,” Magnus announces when he returns, already changing out of his wet clothes. Alec can't keep his eyes off him.

“Gretchen?” he asks half-mindedly.

“She's my go-to plumber for the Pandemonium.”

Of course.

Alec forces his eyes off Magnus. “Did you tell the boys not to use the bathroom?” he asks. Magnus hums in affirmation and slides into bed again. They doze off a few seconds later. You gotta sleep when the babies do…

“Suliram, Suliram, ram, ram,” Magnus sings, rocking half-asleep Annisa in the baby wrap as he does the dishes. It's the only lullaby in his native tongue that he remembers. It works like a charm on both twins. He has a CD with Indonesian children's songs waiting, sent by his family together with baby books and other gifts. They've been so thrilled for him. It shifted something in Magnus. He always thought he was a burden to his family, a painful reminder of the loss they went through. But the arrival of his daughters brought them closer together despite the miles separating them. They have decided to fly to Indonesia around the girls’ first birthday. He can't wait to show off his happy family.

Annisa starts mouthing on his chest. He doesn't have much time to get his task finished before she'll be ordering food.

“Sebentar ya, sayang,” he says. “Ayah harus menyelesaikan ini dengan cepat.” [Just a moment, dear. Dad has to finish this quickly.”]

Annisa is generously dozing off again. Magnus still hurries. It never takes long until the hunger cuts through her sleepiness.

“Papa?” a voice comes from the kitchen door.

Magnus turns to him. “Rafael. I thought you'd gone to bed already.”

“I was thirsty,” the boy replies. Magnus smiles and hands him a water bottle from the fridge. Rafael takes it quietly, his furrowed brow on display.

“What's wrong?” Magnus asks. Rafael has slowly relaxed over the past few days. Expanding their nest to fit all six of them was a good decision. The closeness they shared during the first days after labour has been exactly what they all needed. Especially their eldest, who was clearly worried he and his brother might be discarded after their sisters’ birth.

“You talk Indonesian with her,” Rafael says. Magnus huffs a laugh. As talented as Rafael is with languages, he always calls Magnus out on not speaking English around him.

“Well, it's part of her heritage. My Indonesian is pretty rusty, but I want her and Kemala to be able to talk with all of their family, independent of me. And languages are way easier to pick up for kids than for adults.”

Rafael hums in understanding. He sits down at the breakfast bar, emptying his bottle slowly. Magnus can sense that he has something on his mind, but he doesn't push. Just like his mate, Rafael will spill eventually.

Magnus tidies up the kitchen and lets his son brood a little. He knows Rafael is ready to talk when he starts shifting around on the chair. Magnus turns to him with an encouraging smile.

“What is it, honey?”

“You… you promised you wouldn't treat us differently. But you do,” Rafael finally comes out with it. Magnus’ stomach flips. Has he messed up already?

“What makes you feel like that?” he asks.

“You never talk Indonesian with us.”

Magnus’ face morphs into a frown. “Well, you're not…” he trails off.

“Indonesian?” Rafael guesses. Magnus nods. “We're not,” Rafael agrees. “But we're your sons, so… isn't it our heritage, too? At least a little?”

Magnus gapes at his son, flabbergasted. “I never really thought that you'd be interested. I mean, your ancestry is English/Welsh on your father's side. What is your mom's?”

Rafael shrugs his shoulders. “I dunno.”

Magnus leans against the kitchen cabinet. “You being my son doesn't change who you come from, Rafael.”

“I know, I just… Your Indonesian family… Are they my family, too? Or just Annisa and Kemala's?”

Magnus thinks of the gifts his family added for the boys. They sure think of them as family, too.

“Of course, they're your family. We're all connected, just not by blood.”

Rafael nods, his face relaxing somewhat, shifting to a look of satisfaction and determination. “Then we should learn Indonesian, too,” he says firmly.

Magnus huffs a surprised laugh, his heart leaping in his chest. “You're right, Rafael. Thank you for calling me out.”

The boy breaks out into a brilliant smile. “Anytime, Papa.” He hops off the bar stool and hugs Magnus from the side, mindful of his sleeping sister.

“What is ‘good night’ in Indonesian?” he asks.

“Selamat malam, or short: malam!”

“Malam, Annisa. Malam, Papa,” Rafael says.

“Selamat malam, sayang,” Magnus says and presses a kiss to his head.

Rafael beams at him before he saunters away. Magnus looks after him. What a brave boy he is. And smart. Magnus couldn't be more proud of him if he tried.

Max turns in his sleep, ramming his knee into his father's back. Alec muffles his groan so as not to wake the other kids.

“He's bustling tonight,” Magnus murmurs.

“Yeah,” Alec sighs.

“Wanna switch?”

“Uh-uh. He chose me tonight.”

Magnus chuckles on the other side of the bed.

“I can't sleep anyway,” Alec confesses.

“Why's that?”

“It's not enough.”

“What do you mean?”

Alec searches for Magnus’ hand in the dark. They intertwine their fingers on one of the babies’ back.

“I don't wanna go back to work. Not fully.”

It takes a long moment for Magnus to react. “I see,” he finally says. “Have you told Lydia?”

“Not yet. I need to know what I want before I break it to her.”

“Do you wanna use me as a sounding board?”

Alec squeezes Magnus’ hand in thanks. Deep down, he knew that Magnus wouldn't judge him for changing his mind. It's still nice to have it confirmed.

“For the longest time, I wasn't sure if I liked my job or if I was just doing the sensible thing, continuing on the path I had chosen,” he says.

“And what's the verdict?”

“I think it will always be a muddy pool of reasoning but… I like my job. And I love our girls.”

“Do you wanna stay home for longer? You know you can.”

Alec breathes a sigh. “I know. But you handed the club over to Maia.”

“So what? We have two babies and two school kids to take care of. That's a two-person full time job.”

Alec chuckles. “Yeah. And it's not as if I'll go places. It'll take years to reach partner status at The Clave, if I ever become one.”

“You might become head of The Institute,” Magnus replies.

“As if,” Alec scoffs. “No. Mom has written me off.”

“That's not true.”

“Of course, it is.”

“It isn't. Your mother… during that conversation, she said you'd need two years of leadership experience, and then, she could install you.”

Alec gasps. “Why didn't you tell me before?”

“Because I wanted you to do what's right for you. And you meant to return full time, so it didn't seem an urgent topic to discuss.”

Alec hums in understanding.

“Does that change things?” Magnus asks.

“Not really. I… Aline suggested a joint leadership position. She wants to work part-time but without being demoted. Sebastian told her they would make that possible if she found someone to share her position with.”

“That's why she called you.”

“Yes.”

“So you've been thinking about this for a while.” There's no judgement in his alpha's voice. Magnus knows that Alec needs to make up his mind first before breaking big decisions.

“It would mean even less money coming in,” Alec says.

“That's fine. We have a few assets to liquidise if need be.”

We. Alec knows Magnus is talking about what he still thinks of as his alpha's money.

“We could sell the house,” Alec says.

“That's not what I meant, Alexander.”

“I know, but… It would make sense. Your place is closer to the office. Rafe asked about starting at the same middle school as Madzie. If we moved to Brooklyn…”

“I understand. But is that what you want? This has been your home for so long, Alexander.”

Alec moves to place a kiss on the back of Magnus’ hand.

“One thing I've learnt since meeting you is that home isn't a place. It's the people you are surrounded by,” he replies. “You are my home. Our children are my home. My siblings, our friends… This is just a house. It holds memories, yes, but those, I will carry in my heart wherever we go.”

“Well said,” Magnus replies, pride and joy edging into his scent.

“It's time,” Alec says.

“For what?”

“For me to let go of the man I used to be in these walls. I have a future now. I can be whoever I wanna be.”

“And who's that?”

“Alexander Gideon Lightwood-Bane, architect, brother, father, friend, man, mate, omega.”

“In alphabetical order?” Magnus asks, amusement lacing the words.

Alec chuckles. “I'm all of them at all times. This is who I am, and so much more.”

“That you are, my love.”

“Thanks to you.”

Magnus lets out a protesting sound.

“I wouldn't be where I am now without you,” Alec insists. “With you, I can just be, evolve, grow.”

“It's a privilege to witness,” Magnus says.

Alec smiles to himself. “I love you, Magnus. I'm happier than I ever thought possible to be.”

“I feel the same, Alexander. This… We are perfection.”

“That's my sister,” Max growls in his sleep, tearing on Alec's back. His fathers chuckle.

“So protective already,” Magnus says.

“He'll probably present as an overprotective alpha,” Alec states. “Just like his papa.”

“Or an overprotective omega. Just like his dad.”

Alec snorts a laugh. “He'll be a great person, either way.”

“Yes,” Magnus agrees. “He's our boy, after all.”

Alec's smile morphs into a yawn. “I gotta sleep, babe.”

Magnus pushes himself up and kisses him leaning over the twins.

“Sweet dreams, Alexander.”

Alec doesn't say that they don't matter. He is living his dream already. And with his alpha by his side, he knows he always will.