Archive of Our Own ^beta

In the most recent days since bringing peace to Ninjago, the Green Ninja attempts to bring peace to himself. 

A technique once taught by his Uncle, a memory; golden skin with a rice hat, kneeling in a steeping room. Lloyd sits in front of his memorial, breathing out, letting an echo flicker has he does. He watches the backs of his eyes, stinging with the slightest irritation. A blackness he needs, for he wants his mind to still. Is this not to be extended to him? 

Flashes raid his mind.

Jolt at his heart. 

Red skies, rumbling chimes. A moon, something that use to be the light in the dark adventurine skies; stained the color of crimson. Of a battle he's seen far to many times to count. An utter feeling in the depth of his being just screaming that something is wrong. But he is unable to move once again. Breath catches in his lungs, and he feels the slightest hint of power, tingling at his fingertips-- desperate to break free. 

This happens often. 

Too often to count. 

But ever since becoming the Conduit, things have been different. The other ninja know to bide their time, to leave the blonde alone. But Lloyd misses his master, who'd explain over the intoxicating scent of tea leaves. How easy things could be. 

Was Lloyd just doing it wrong? 

Mindfulness was always hard to control, with an element that fought so hard to be heard. Now strengthened by flashes, glimpses of darkness, echoing the refuge of dark power. Dark power he knows threatens the very fabric of the merged realms. It's the feeling of feeling too much, of being in the midst of a surging storm, of that storm inside himself, of echoes, of feelings, singing his nerves with the slightest feeling. 

He was taught to lay rest to his mind. To feel within. 

Feeling within feels like an empty battle, with something he has no clue he can control. Something he doesn't want to go into, something he'd like to leave there, with it's own sentience, with these dreams no longer plaguing him. Lloyd cannot remember the last night he's slept. 

Attempting to stop it feels fruitless. 

As the ninja team enters the unknown, a listless sky full of thick, grey fog. Lloyd finds himself falling into embrace of sleep more times than once. In hindsight, his new visions from the source dragons were more like something out of a horror movie, than his usual visions. When Nya finds him, restless, at the helm of the flying ship, the Destiny's Bounty, he tries his best to make excuses for himself as of late. 

He has to go upon a feeling, a simple pull, at him from another plane of existence. Something he's not studied the most, and something he's not used to. He knows of his Uncle's closeness to the realm and all it's intricacies, but he's always tried to keep himself far from it. He's chosen to focus more on his swordsmanship, and Spinjitzu than the glowing power of source dragons that lay dormant within him.

But there's a sinking feeling that all the ninja doubt him, or he's leading them to their doom.

There's always been that feeling. 

But it's never left. 

Even as Nya's calm, and cool comments help rustle him from the fear that he's endangering one of his own, He still find's himself wavering.

In hindsight, since being chosen to be a conduit of source dragon power, he had felt mostly normal minus the semi-coma, and the exhaustion following closing the mergequake storm. But both of which, he starts to feel the memories of which drifting away.

But it wasn't until now he's begun to find out what he dragon really meant by 'it might change your life forever'.

Lloyd worries it's not for the best. 

First it started with the visions. Haunting, vivid dreams, that left him screaming. Lloyd had gone through many terrible and terrifying things in his life, but the visions were different. It was as though an utter feeling of 'wrong' filled his brain and his senses, the vibration of a loud ethereal gong simmering through a endless mindscape, sheathed in red. The faces of his friends. 

Arin running at him, ready to strike--

Rubble falling on Sora, 

Beatrix's piercing glare, as she strikes down a sword, glowing with power into multiple pieces. 

Being cornered by a group of wolf masks. 

Lord Ras striking the bell. 

and the expanse, of wrongness, all the color of blood. Red, red, red. 

Had he even considered his past dreams nightmares, they were nothing compared to the endless horror that filtered his brain. Desperate, real, premonitional. And accompanied by a ethereal feeling within the depth of his soul. For he knew they weren't things he was reliving. It was seeing it happen and not having a choice once again, knowing he couldn't stop things from happening.

He had cursed out the flying deities, like a lunatic, who's power had filled him in the past. Not expecting their possession, or their meeting in the exuberant mindscape once more. About whether or not he should be trusted, where they spoke of his power; something he had yet to know more of after all these years. Speaking about him, not too him, the after effects, how he belonged.

--claimed.. 

by a green deity behind him, because of his grandfather. Because oh, of course--that would be the reason anyone would've helped in in the first place, not because-- of himself, not because of merit-- but because he was part of the the long line of -- 

First Spinjitzu Master. 

He thinks back to the Dragon temple, when Sora commented on his ancestry. Because of course it never came up. He'd wish for nothing more to go his entire life without explaining what lay beyond.

He was always going to be an object, a power to be used, nothing behind it. 

Maybe he was worried, maybe he regretted even asking for help, but they the glowing symbols had not asked once for him to speak: before being blasted into another nightmare of a Dragon Master, causing him to fall several stories in the air before hitting the pavement with a crash, breathless and terrified.

The wise dragon stands behind him, he acutely senses, while the master speaks calmly, "Are you moving?" 

Lloyd shakes his head, his eyes still closed. "I am not moving, master." He breathes. 

The form is strangely clambering, not unlike Wu's teachings on finding the calm inside oneself. However, movement, is what it is, it's movement, it's mess, it's not something hyper controlled or easy to control. Egalt teaches a divine balance. Movement outside, movement inside. He teaches them to match the movement and the technique of Spinjitzu but to manifest it into something more. But as they go through teaching, Lloyd feels scattered. Being aware of his own mortality with an element that echoed it was one thing, but matching it into his fighting style was another. 

Movement. 

He has to focus on his breathing, 

How breath enters his lungs and leaves it in exhale. To listen to the flicker, be one with it. He has to feel his heart, beating--moving, perhaps as it staggers with fear, -- an after affect of the conduit or maybe the anxiety that Zane tells him about. 

But it's not controlled. And things not under his control are not things he likes to think about, to listen to or even be one with. This is something that perhaps the wise dragon sees as he walks away, a gleering eye at him, similar to Wu's vicelike gaze. 

"Are you alright?" 

"Huh?" Lloyd turns, eyes flashing a panicked green before fading, as Rontu peers at him. "Oh, I'm sorry. I just was." 

"No worries, child." She laughs, "I was the one who surprised you."

His face reddens, as he steps up from where he is; revealing a bag.

"It's just teacups." Lloyd stumbles over his words. "I grabbed them from the bounty, I was just thinking of steeping some but I can't find Kai." She tilts her head. "I mean, sorry, the cups are a bit small, would you like some?" 

"I wouldn't mind." She smiles. "Anavrin leaves. I wouldn't expect a young ninja such as you to be investing in such spiritual commodities." 

Lloyd looks in his pocket. "They're my Uncle-- My old master's, stash." He looks down shyly. "They remind me of him, but we lost him like all the others we did in the merge." 

She resigns her gaze, to one more solemn. "The First Spinjitzu Master's son." She comments, while Lloyd's gaze widens. "Oh yes, of course we know of him, it's of his teachings that were passed down were we able to learn Spinjitzu. But there was another one, I sense--"

"My father, yes." Lloyd looks away, drearily to change the subject. It's been quite some time since Lloyd has thought of the disappearances of his entire family. His father being one of the beings he's not heard of since. "Again, the merge." 

She sighs wistfully, finally off.. "Your essence breathes their legend."

Lloyd slips some leaves into the tea. His eyebrows furrow in confusion? 

"Your skill in Spinjitzu, the naturality, beauty of it. It's very conclusive, very strong; full of life." She looks into the sky. "Not many can see the subtle differences, but you shouldn't be far from reaching Rising Dragon, but I feel your barriers hold you back." 

Lloyd hums affirmingly, though restlessly. "I guess." He attempts to call on his element, using the warmth on the kettle. "I feel like I'm losing my mind." 

She laughs. "I've met many who are mad, and you, are not one of them." 

The young man starts pouring one of the teacups. Lips quivered in concentration. 

"You are focused. Skilled." She tilts her head. "You also care." 

"I'm losing myself." He finishes pouring the cup, and sets it in front of the Dragon, pouring the second cup for himself, and running a restless hand through his hair. "I don't know the difference of what I see, what I feel.. It's ripping me apart." 

He raises the cup, taking a sip, crosslegged, while Rontu does the same.