Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Daemon - a physical manifestation of a person's inner self - one could say one's soul - in the form of an animal.

Humans, dwarves, elves, beastmen - if there was one thing they had in common, it was that they all had daemons. 

  Though people were too complex and varied to be deciphered entirely by what their daemon was, one could still garner the nature of a person; dog daemons tended to mean a loyal and friendly personality; a dormouse daemon suggested timidity; a fox, cunning and mischievousness. 

Ludger and his daemon were no exception in that regard.

---

  Professor Ludger's daemon swooped through the door on the first day of class, a large black shadow that immediately silenced the whole room. She circled once over her human's head as the tall man walked in before alighting on the lectern, folded her great wings, and looked over the students with a scrutinizing eye.

  The affect it had on their daemons was palpable. Many of them sat transfixed under her gaze, all previous disdain for a ruined noble lost. Leo's daemon flattened her ears. Tessy's daemon wrapped himself around her neck, while Erendir's daemon wished he could do the same, barely holding still for the sake of dignity. Even Aidan's daemon had her ever-wagging tail lowered for the moment as she looked on, wide-eyed.

Then the professor spoke with his deep, hard voice, and it was the students' turn to be transfixed.

“I'm Professor Ludger Cherish, and this is Noxia. I will be teaching the overall process of materialization.”

  The pair exuded power and authority - an aura that spoke of their history and demanded respect. It was a first impression that only solidified as his lecture continued.

  Ludger's magic was as groundbreaking as his assessments were merciless. His eyes sharp as a bird, his spells quicker than a wingbeat. His movements weaved with his daemon's like well-oiled clockwork.

Before long, everyone in the class could see why he had such a daemon.

  Ravens - intelligent, quick-witted creatures. Mostly solitary, unlike their crow cousins. Oft near the dead, following death like a shade - or perhaps death followed them. Feared by many for their ominous appearance and the dark myths that surrounded them.

That was what Noxia was, and it fit Ludger well.

---

  Ludger flopped onto his bed with a grunt. His first real class after orientation was finally over. Noxia puffed out and shook her feathers before settling next to him on the pillow.

Neither of them showed the rigid discipline they had displayed back in class.

“Today didn't go quite like how we'd planned,” she said.

“You're telling me,” Ludger grumbled. “It feels like nothing has been going as we planned ever since the train.”

“Mm,” Noxia agreed. “We were very lucky their papers didn't have the real Ludger's daemon's name. We'd be dead by now otherwise.”

  When undercover, they usually took care to refer to each other by their current aliases to prevent a slip-up. It was not necessary for Noxia this time, however; for the first time, her name was real. Veronica had overheard Ludger calling out her true name before she interfered in the train, so there hadn't been much of a choice in the matter.

  They remembered the jackdaw who had been perched on the ‘original’ Ludger Cherish's shoulder, eyes alert and darting about even as her human offered an easy smile. The daemon who Noxia replaced. The last they had seen of her was her frantically pulling at the First Order's lapel and crying out in warning seconds before the bomb exploded. Her name, they never learned.

  They felt a lot less sorry for the two after the discovery that they had in fact been part of Black Dawn, but they were still grateful for the stroke of luck regarding her species. Her and Noxia both being black birds from the corvidae family had alleviated much suspicion from their new stolen identities. It would have been hard to explain if a witness happened to mention that Ludger originally had a tiger or turtle daemon for example, after all.

Still, there had been too many close calls for comfort.

Ludger scratched at his cheek sheepishly. “Right. Sorry about that,” he said. The slip with the name was his mistake.

Noxia merely clicked her beak.

“Even fewer people know my real name than they do yours, and I'm sure I'm far from the only Noxia out there,” she replied. “It's worked out so far - don't worry too much about it.”

Seeing Ludger frowning at the ceiling, she hopped down from her pillow.

“Besides, today's class was rather enjoyable. I liked it.”

Ludger huffed out a disbelieving breath. He said in an annoyed tone:

“Enjoyable? We now have 80 students to teach on top of having to lie to two powerful groups-  ungf.”

Noxia's beak had poked Ludger's cheek. Finally, he turned his gaze to her.

“Who are you trying to fool? Magical theory is our forte, and this is a nice change of pace from being a mercenary. I know it does feel like we got thrown into a middle of a battlefield all on our own, but...”

Her eyes glimmered with mirth before softening into a warm look; one she always saved for when they were alone. Safe behind the veils of privacy.

“I'm always with you. Don't forget that.”

  Her black feathers caught the sunlight and shimmered in a subtle yet beautiful iridescent sheen of blues, greens and purples. A sight easily missed if one only paid attention to the black. But Ludger saw. He saw, and wondered once again how such a creature could be his, could be him. She was a daemon that didn't fit him, one that he didn't deserve. And yet…

For the first time in weeks, his face broke into a faint but genuine smile.

“I know.”

  Ravens - magnificent creatures, sadly oft misjudged. Curious minds with an unexpected side of playfulness. Free to roam both lofty skies and mazelike cities. Affectionate to and protective of those they trust and formed a bond with - a bond hard-won but worth the cost.

That was what Noxia also was, and it fit Ludger well.

Chapter Text

The U.N.Owen headquarters was bustling as usual.

“Oh, Perrryy- .”

  A singsong voice followed a frantic scuttling of tiny paws. Hans' little mouse daemon squeezed herself inside her human's pocket just in time as a grinning raccoon's head popped out from under Hans' chair.

“Oh, Periwinkle, come ooouut- . I swear this won't hurt,” the raccoon daemon said, wriggling his front toes at the trembling pocket. “I just want to check what exactly happens to you when Hans turns into a wereanimal.”

Hans' feet were up on the chair, his legs scrunched up to avoid whatever it was the daemon was planning.

“Sheridan! Get your daemon off mine!” he shrieked, but the dwarf only snickered in response. At the sound, Periwinkle's snout poked out from the safety of her cover.

“I'll bite you, Nickel! I will!” she sqeaked.

Alex's daemon rumbled in amusement from her lounging spot on the couch, the mouse daemon's threat paling before her fangs.

“Shut it, Cassie, or I'll bite you too! It will sting!”

  The voices continued. All throughout, Ludger was content to listen. Noxia, his own daemon, was keeping an eye on them, and he knew she would interfere if things got out of hand.

“Are Sheridan and Nickelscratch bullying Hans and Periwinkle again?”

He looked up from his desk at the sudden voice. Brown hair and round blue eyes - it was Arpa.

“Well,” he began, but Hans and Sheridan beat him to it.

“Yes! They are! Help!”

“Hans is overreacting. Nickel's just curious about something, that's all.”

  His attention thus called elsewhere, Arpa turned his head away, and Ludger took the opportunity to chance a look at his daemon. The boy's daemon was a small bird today, and was perched his shoulder. She was looking at the scene with Arpa, but her interest was placid - like she existed separately from the other daemons, and was only an observer.

Ludger's gaze darkened; his recent excursion into the Black Dawn facility was causing old memories to resurface.

​

---

​

“Professor!”

  Arte flung open the inn door, the pitter-patter of Myra's pawsteps following right behind him. He and his daemon loved to race down the stairs to greet Moriarty whenever he returned from the university. The young daemon was not yet old enough to settle into a fixed form, and each day tried a different animal to test her speed.

  Today, she was a puppy, and her fluffy tail wagged wildly like a busy feather duster. Noxia glided down to preen her snowy fur, and her tail whirled even faster. Moriarty couldn't help but smile at the sight.

  Out of all forms, Myra seemed to prefer dogs and birds the most. Perhaps she would settle into one of the two? She likely would stop shifting forms in a year or two, after all. Moriarty idly wondered how long he'd need to wait to see the moment she finally settled.

“Did you finish the worksheet I gave you?” he asked Arte.

“Of course!” Arte replied eagerly. “What will we be covering today?”

“We have to review your work first,” Moriarty reminded him, but his voice was gentle. The passion to learn and study resonated with him, and he could not deny the pride that welled up within.

He reached out to pat his pupil's head.

“No need to hurry. With your talent, you'll be a scholar soon enough.”

Under his hand, Arte's face lit up with a bright smile.

​

“... ...” 

​

The same face now lay inside the capsule, eyes closed as if in sleep.

Moriarty would be declared dead to the world tomorrow. All that was left was to confirm that the soul transfer had been successful.

  The original process of creating an android included intercision, a machine in place to forcefully sever the bond between child and daemon. The result would be a person without spark - bland, passive, dull - even without any additional tampering, and that was if the shock did not kill them. Perfect for moulding into a mindless soldier. Moriarty's lips curled in disgust. It was the first thing he had made sure to disable.

  The shadow of a raven marred the surface of the capsule again and again. Overhead, Noxia was flying without aim, circling with her eyes trained on the little boy and his daemon.

She was anxious, he knew.

He wished she would stop.

  An eternity must have passed before the capsule opened. The boy's, android's, eyes opened, not blue but gold. The flapping of Noxia's descent sounded distant to his ears; the pounding of his heart drowned all else. He stood silent while she hopped hurriedly to nudge at Myra.

The boy blinked, opened his mouth, and said:

“Who are you?”

​

He had known this might happen. 

Known this was the likely outcome.

Yet words still failed him.

“Myra. Myra?”

Something in Noxia's voice made ice run through his veins. He slowly turned his gaze, as if in a trance.

Arte's daemon was staring blankly up at Noxia. She may as well have been a doll, unmoving and unresponsive.

  A cold wave of realization swept through Moriarty; while their physical bond may be intact, the emotional bond they had cultivated throughout their life was gone. Their memories, history, dissipated. She was the physical manifestation of the wiped slate that was Arte's essence.

The android that had been Arte picked up his daemon. A white dog, just like a certain day, but no tail wagged to greet them tonight.

“Myra? Is that her name?”

  The innocence of the question clamped Moriarty's lungs. He nodded stiffly, and turned to face the door. He didn't want to see the tremble in Noxia's feathers.

“...Let's head back. We need to pack up and leave soon.” 

“Are we headed to your home?” he heard.

It was ours, was something he dared not say aloud.

​

---

​

“Leader?”

A sudden tingling in his heart jostled him out of his reverie. He saw the cause, but it must have been a residue of his recollection: 

Myra had butted her head against Noxia, quiet but affectionate.

  Seconds passed, but the residue did not go away. Noxia was still frozen in place, and Myra's form still mingled with her raven feathers. This was not three years ago - this was now.

Arpa's attention was back on him, eyes carefully gauging; he must have taken Ludger's reaction as a negative one.

“I can make her stop doing that,” he said, though Myra chirped in protest.

Ludger faltered, torn on his answer. Did he deserve this? To reclaim this moment of happiness, when he had failed to protect it before?

But the choice was made for him; Noxia had already bent her head to preen little Myra's feathers, and the small creature crooned with joy.

“I... No. It's fine.” he managed out.

  At Arpa's lingering uncertainty, Ludger allowed himself to briefly lay a hand on Arpa's head. His reward was a smile, doubts replaced by familiar fondness.

​

And at last, he dared to hope.

Chapter Text

“...We can... outcome... the match...”

Voices, voices, voices.
  The commentator's ringing voice echoed in shattered pieces inside his head. The shrieks of the gods pushed through the cracks, incessant and demanding.

  This was supposed to be a quick, normal duel. Even though the nobles had caught on to his mana deficiency issue, things would have worked out fine if he'd kept a closer eye on his pill bottle, or prepared spares in advance. This... peaceful environment. It had made him lax, and he was paying for it.

“...khhrk, hrrk-”

He and Noxia. His daemon was croaking as she gasped for breath, feathers puffed out in pain.

  The gods were attempting to abuse their connection to get to Ludger through her, and her pain wracked through his whole body as invisible forces raked her like clawed hands. The splitting ache inside his skull, she would likewise be experiencing now.

What an exhilarating resonance.

  Devian Bertego, his opponent and pill thief, was shuddering on the floor. His green snake daemon was curled up beside him. Ludger couldn't afford more than a brief glance at them; they'll live, and he had more pressing matters of his own at the moment. With shaking hands, he opened the bottle and shoved the mana pills into his mouth. The black hole closed as the seal was restored, and the voices faded away. He was out of the gods' reach again for now.

  But the damage had been done. Mana only blocked the gods from reaching them - Noxia wasn't about to immediately recover, and neither was he. This direct attack at his daemon's core was the one sort of pain he could never get used to.

  Without thinking, he yanked off his cravat. He didn't remember what he did with it after. It was hard to breathe. His insides felt as if they had been ripped apart and stitched back together.

“The winner is - !!”

  He barely registered the announcement as he willed himself to walk off the arena, with Noxia's claws digging into his shoulder. The crowd's loud cheer nauseated him.

They needed to get away from all the gazes trained on them. Now.

---

  Vierano Dentis walked briskly down the corridor to where Ludger would enter. Something had happened during the duel. The healers had rushed to Devian Bertego, while Ludger left the stadium unattended. But something had been wrong with Ludger as well. His kestrel daemon's keen avian eyes all but confirmed his suspicions.

“Professor Ludger!” he called out at the tall silhouette.

  Ludger looked even worse up close. Sweat drenched his pale face, and there was a tremble throughout his body that he failed to hide. Before Vierano could call to him again, he took a step, then crumpled down to his knee.

“Professor Ludger!” Vierano exclaimed as he rushed to the man.

  Ludger looked up blearily. He seemed to have only now noticed Vierano's presence. His raven daemon had fallen off from his shoulder, and lied panting on the floor in front of him with her wings splayed. The shock of the fall was apparent from the way Ludger was clutching his chest.

“What is the matter?” Vierano asked. “Here, let me help you-”

However, at his approach, Ludger's eyes snapped into focus.

“Don't touch her,” he snarled. Noxia too, hissed and croaked despite her gasping breaths. They bristled like trapped beasts, certain the hand leading them out of the cage would bring them to the slaughter.

Vierano faltered. Why would he feel the need to be so defensive?

“Of course not,” he said. The very idea of a person touching someone else's daemon was instinctively appalling, an intrusion most disrespectful, one of the strongest of taboos. “I assure you that elves find the concept equally repulsive...”

He paused.

  The fear peeking out behind the animosity of Ludger's eyes was all too knowing, the aggression of his daemon in her moment of vulnerability too strong to be anything other than an outcome of old scars. His heart sank as a thought occurred to him: This was a person who had been violated in such a manner before.

  He remembered the victims back from the elf-human war; while human/elf contact with daemons sometimes couldn't be helped in a fight to the death - claws slashing human flesh, or elven fingers fending away fangs, despite their own repulsion - some of the humans had so deeply believed the inferiority of non-humans that they'd had little qualms manhandling the elves' daemons to subdue them. They'd dropped down, sick with dizziness and disgust, while their daemons shrieked and struggled in the humans' grasp. Ludger had the same wariness as those elves who'd survived the battle.

Vierano took a step back. Gently, he asked:

“...If you would permit my daemon to assist yours...?”

Hestia, his daemon, flitted down from his shoulder to where Noxia was.

“Lean on me. Let me get you to your human,” she spoke softly.

  The large raven dwarfed the kestrel in size, yet Noxia still eyed her with a dark eye. A moment, another moment. Hestia remained patiently in her place until finally, after one final moment, Noxia shuffled up to her to be supported to where Ludger was.

Vierano allowed himself to relax slightly. At least they trusted him this much.

  Noxia was now nestled in the crook of Ludger's arm. Careful to stay on the opposite side, Vierano helped him up and started leading him through the passageway.

“...It's fine,” he heard Ludger mumble. He must have noticed they were headed to the medical room.

“I'll have none of that,” the elf said firmly. As wise as Ludger seemed to for a man of his age, he was being as stubborn as any young elf putting on a strong face in front of his peers.

No matter; he'd dealt with such elves for hundreds of years.

-

  The medical room was rowdy with commotion. Hugo Bertego was roaring at the healers to no avail - Devian Bertego was yet to regain consciousness. At the sound of footsteps, the portly man whirled around.

“YOU--” he began, before sputtering to a stop at Ludger's condition. Behind him stood Chris Benimore, eyes widened in alarm.

“He... It's a psychological... condition,” Ludger panted out. His voice had gone rather hoarse. “He'll recover... in time.”

“The- the audacity!” Hugo said angrily, recovering his pace. “I demand that you take full responsibility for this!”

  Vierano had to intercede. “Professor, Professor Ludger is unwell. We should let both of them recover first,” he said. However, Hugo still seethed. His boar daemon pawed the ground while Hestia stared down at her, unimpressed.

“I don't know what trick you pulled off to cover up your mana deficiency,” he said, jabbing a finger at Ludger, “but we will get to the bottom of this, mark my words!”

“If you hadn't told him to... steal the mana pills,” Ludger said coldly. “All of this could... have been avoided.”

  Vierano glanced quickly between Devian and Ludger. Mana deficiency? Pill theft? What was this all about? He noticed Chris Benimore had stiffened at those words, and narrowed his eyes. Had there been foul play involved?

“H-how dare you accuse me of such a thing!” Hugo shouted. “You dare harm a member of my house and blame me - ”

“Why the fuss? It can't be helped that unexpected events happen during a duel, isn't that right, Professor Hugo Bertego? You said it yourself.”

  Elisa Willow's cheery voice rang out from the doorway. Hugo tried to object, but with Duke Heibek Kadatushan popping up behind her to back her claim, quickly scrunched up his face in an attempt at an appeasing smile.

“Ah, aha, of course! I must have forgotten. If you'll excuse me,” he said, and fled the room with his daemon trotting hurriedly behind. Elisa's fox daemon raised his white tail high as he smugly watched them go.

  Heibek turned to Ludger with a lazy grin. “That was an impressive match, Professor. Shame you don't seem up for a conversation right now,” the old duke said. “I am Duke Heibek Kadatushan. If you ever need help in the future, feel free to come to me.”

“...Thank you, Your Grace.”

  Meanwhile, Elisa's gaze met Vierano's. He could read the worry in her eyes, and nodded at her; Ludger was in his care. Satisfied, her cheery mask came back in charge.

“Well, it wouldn't do to get in the way of our healers any longer,” she said. “Don't worry about the nobles outside, Professor Ludger, I've got you covered. Rest up!”

  With that, the president and the duke took their leave. Chris Benimore twitched like he wanted to follow after them, but his daemon, a well-groomed yellow-throated marten, climbed up her human's body to whisper something in his ear.

Leaving the two to their own devices, Vierano guided Ludger to a spare bed.

“Sit down, please,” he said, and for once he complied without objections. Noxia crawled out of her human's arm and seated herself on the bed. Vierano frowned, but said nothing.

The healer who had approached to check on Ludger shook her head.

“This is... I don't understand it,” she said. “I am sensing disruptions in both him and his daemon, but there are no physical injuries at all.” She shook her head again, frustrated. “I can give him some pain relievers but not much else.”

“Is there anything we can do for you?” Vierano asked, but Ludger also shook his head.

“...I just need time. I took the mana pills - I'll recover on my own now.”

  His breathing had eased slightly, but he still looked ready to faint. The marten daemon chittered anxiously atop her human's shoulder. Hestia murmured quietly, “He's shaking so badly...” and Vierano grimly agreed. What had he been thinking, refusing any help in such a state? But even as he wondered, he knew Ludger's knowledge of his situation painted the picture. The man was resigned to his condition, trained by experience to ride out the pain.

“... ...”

He opened his mouth to speak, but-

“This- ailment. It's tied to your mana deficiency?”

Chris suddenly said. Ludger looked up tiredly.

“...Yes.”

“I've never heard of such a condition. What is it even called?”

“Does it matter?”

“I- Well-..”

He cleared his throat, and said, stiffly,

“The pain relievers, do they work?”

“...Not very much, no.”

  The conversation ended as abruptly as it had begun. Benimore's mouth tightened into a hard line. He rubbed his pinched brow, then beckoned the healer. “Wait here. You, with me.” he said, and stalked off with the healer in tow. Hestia cocked her head to the side as she peered at them curiously.

Vierano peered at Ludger. He said,

“I apologize for keep making you talk, but I must ask; does it ail you often?"

“Not usually. I'm fine as long as... as long as I keep taking mana recovery potions or pills.”

Not usually, Vierano noted.

“The academy could have provided you with the medicine, or the ingredients if you make them yourself. If you'd asked for assistance...”

“I didn't want people to know. Lack of mana is... a weakness. Word would've gotten out, and... You saw what happened today.”

Vierano sighed.

“...I suppose that's true,” he said. Lack of mana was considered a flaw for mages, without even accounting for Ludger's strange circumstances, and the foolish feud made vulnerabilities dangerous. He also recalled that Ludger had been in the military before coming to Ceoren; it made sense he would be more wary of exposing his weakness.

  A dark thought occurred to him as he considered Ludger's background, a previous image resurfacing; The pair bristling in fear of Noxia getting grabbed. And the expression on his face... It was something Vierano had never seen on the professor before.

  Brief contact between human and daemon in the heat of battle typically did not have such a lasting effect. If the enemy soldiers' treatment of daemons had been as vile as the humans' in the elf-human war, and he was still suffering from it...

But it would have to wait; Chris Benimore was returning.

  The missing proud strut from his gait was a strange sight indeed, as well as the dwindled animosity. Usually, Epione - his marten daemon - would bare her teeth with her hackles raised whenever they brushed paths with Ludger. Today she looked away, her ears flattened.

Vierano watched on as the noble held out two vials at Ludger, one smaller than the other.

“Take these,” he said. “One for you and one for your daemon.”

At Ludger's stare, he let out an annoyed huff.

“It's not poison. It is a sedative and pain-soother, made by my family's recipe.”

“Your House has expertise in pharmacology?”

Ludger's voice held genuine surprise, and Vierano had to stifle his amusement.

“Yes, and so do I, I'll have you know!” Chris seethed out. Epione bristled, though she kept her jaws shut. Still, his bout of anger lasted much shorter than usual; he took in a breath to calm himself, and his expression turned somber at what he was about to say.

“I suspect you've already guessed... But I am the one who discovered your secret and informed the Bertegos,” he said.

Ludger merely nodded at this. Benimore continued:

“I wasn't aware of your symptoms when I thought to take advantage. I assumed you only had a shortage of mana, and meant to humiliate you on the arena when you ran out of it. I never meant any real harm, either to you or to Deivan Bertego. If I'd known...”

He ran a hand through his hair, agitated.

“No, those are all excuses. It was unbefitting of a noble, and a member of the Benimore House.”

Benimore bowed his head, and for the first time, Vierano saw guilt surface on his face.

“Especially as a member of the Benimore House. I abused an illness and caused serious harm to a patient. For that, I must apologize.”

Ludger blinked.

“That's... Unexpected,” he said. “I didn't think much of it. It's alright.”

  Chris raised back his head. “Are you certain? I'll not apologize again if you change your mind,” he said skeptically. His tone carried his usual barb, but unease lingered in his eyes. Regardless of his discrimination in many other aspects, Vierano accepted his sense of duty to a patient as genuine.

Not that it seemed to have reached or affected the patient in any way, who blinked again and said,

“Yes. This isn't so serious.”

This, from a man with a bloodless face and gaunt eyes. Hestia stilled. Chris stared back, baffled.

“Do you hear yourself? You look fit to be bedridden in a hospital. I thought you were aware of your situation.”

“It's nothing that won't... go away on its own.”

Benimore looked like he was suppressing a recurring urge to strangle the patient.

“I-- You--- ”

He sighed. Taking another calming breath, he thrust the vials at Ludger.

“Drink it. I know nothing about your condition so I can't guarantee it will work, but if it will go away on its own as you say, you could at least try to sleep through it.”

“...Well, thank you,” said Ludger, and slowly collected the vials. Chris stepped back with a small ‘hmph’, and after a small nod at Vierano, briskly left the room.

Vierano listened as his footsteps faded away.

  With the other healers all tending to Devian Bertego, only Vierano and Ludger remained in this corner of the room. Ludger lifted up the bigger vial with a doubtful look, but only briefly. He downed the liquid with the nonchalance of a person who was careless rather than trusting. Noxia was no different with her own vial that Ludger held for her.

“Hm,” he said after a while, tilting his head. His tremors had noticeably receded, but his eyes retained a dull hardness that Vierano now knew to interpret as endurance.

“How are you feeling?” Vierano asked gently.

“It's better than the other pain relievers I'd taken, at least...” Ludger replied. “I don't feel that inclined to sleep, but that's not surprising if it's toxin-based.”

“Not surprising if it's toxin-based..?” Vierano wondered aloud, but Ludger stayed silent. He seemed half lost inside his own head.

  The elf took a deep breath; guilt prickled at him for not leaving Ludger to his rest, but concern won out, and intuition whispered to him that after this moment, he may not get another chance.

Vierano took a seat on the neighboring bed, facing where Ludger sat, and he looked up with questions in his eyes.

“Well, if sleeping it off isn't an option, perhaps a conversation could distract you?” Vierano said, but soon sighed.

“...No, that's a poor excuse. I've been meaning to talk,” he began, “About what happened in the hallway.”

Immediately, Ludger stiffened.

“...What do you mean?” he said, voice low and steely. Vierano pressed on regardless:

“Professor, I’ve seen many elves go through what you experienced. The human soldiers in the war against my kind - some of them were cruel beyond normal boundaries,” he said earnestly. “You don’t have to suffer through it alone. I heard you were a military officer before. If something similar happened to you then-”

“It didn’t,” Ludger said curtly. His face could very well have been carved out of stone, for it had been wiped clean of emotion. It was only through the cracks of exhaustion that Vierano could see darkness pooling inside his eyes. He met them steadfast.

  Silence filled the room as the two men faced each other, unmoving, until Ludger’s eyes flicked away in acquiescence. He must have seen there was no use lying on the matter, for at length he added, “...It’s true it didn’t happen during the war. It’s...”

He drew in a breath.

“It happened a long time ago.” Noxia’s feathers flared out then flattened as she shifted, agitated at his admittance.

  Vierano paused as he took in the information. Certain as he’d been, it was another thing to have his suspicions directly confirmed. Its weight sank heavily in his heart. Then there was his claim that it did not happen during his time in the army. But if not there... “Then how-”

But Ludger was shaking his head.

“It doesn’t matter. I should've been over it by now,” he said dismissively. “I am over it, mostly. It usually doesn’t affect me.”

There was that ‘usually’ again.

  Perhaps it cannot be helped that some wounds leave scars that never wholly fade. Even if Ludger had momentarily seen an enemy in a fellow professor, aiming to harm his daemon, it was true it had only occurred under extreme circumstances, and it could be said there was nothing more to be done about it. Perhaps, if it was the only thing that had tugged at Vierano’s attention, he would have chosen to respect his privacy and left the matter unspoken. Their relationship was amicable but hardly deep; it would have been the polite thing to do.

  Yet here was a young man who bore through his affliction nonchalantly. He hid his weaknesses adeptly, swiftly deflected concern. More than that, he seemed to believe his own deflections.

His daemon had sat apart from her human the moment they reached the bed, and never strayed from her position.

Ludger Cherish was a puzzle made of broken shards, and Vierano was afraid of how many pieces he could be concealing.

“One doesn’t simply ‘get over’ these things, Professor Ludger,” he said. “Neither is falling down from pain something to be brushed off so quickly.”

A crease in the brow returned some expression to Ludger’s face.

“I assure you, I have no issues with carrying out my duties,” he said. “And pain won’t affect me as much when I’m in the middle of a fight. This was a momentary lapse-”

There it was, another shard. Vierano clasped his fingers between his legs as he leaned forward.

“That is not the point,” Vierano said. “Professor, I’m worried for you.”

“... ...”

Ludger went silent. His widened eyes simply looked at Vierano, as if he couldn’t understand.

“Professor, I’m your colleague and acquaintance. Of course I’m worried when you are unwell.”

You haven’t gone near your daemon ever since we arrived here, he wanted to add, but he had a sinking feeling Ludger wouldn’t truly see the problem.

  A child hugging her daemon tightly as she wept bitterly; daemon and person holding each other close after a quarrel; a man rushing to his daemon at her injury; those were the scenes Vierano was used to. Feeling the other’s presence, sharing their warmth - the connection was something that came more naturally than families embracing or lovers holding hands.

  For daemon and person - as they were two, they were also one. In times of pain and turmoil, who else would you comfort first, would seek to be comforted by first, than a part of yourself? What else would you want first, if not to reach out for your other half and feel whole?

  Yet Ludger and Noxia - they were as two cold rocks weathering the rain, separate and immobile. It seemed as if the sense of self-comfort eluded them, replaced instead by some unfathomable notion that they were each due hardship. They disregarded each other - they disregarded themself. What transpired in Ludger’s life to bring about this neglect?

  It unsettled Vierano. Hestia rubbed her head against him, sharing in his distress, and he reached to stroke her feathers in return. He opened his mouth to continue. He felt like Ludger needed to hear these words:

“If that’s not enough - we may not have known each other long, but I know from your peers and students that you are a good teacher. I am well-acquainted with Miss Sedena, who strongly posits you are a good man. I’ve seen you step up for the students on numerous occasions. I respect you academically and personally. I am, if you would permit me to call myself so, your friend.”

“I...”

Ludger returned to silence. Vierano went on:

“It’s not just me. President Willow was concerned for you too, and even Professor Benimore was worried in his own way. I’m sure there would be many other professors and students, if they’d known.” Leaf-green eyes gazed deeply into cyan. “You are not alone here. You can ask for help, even if it means you just need someone to talk to.”

Ludger stared at Vierano, stunned. It seemed to take a moment for the message to sink in.

  His eyes flicked back and forth, the first sign of open uncertainty Vierano had seen from the man. Noxia murmured something too small for Vierano and Hestia to hear. Her human’s hand drummed the bedsheets. His mouth parted, then closed again.

“I can handle it,” he said.

Vierano had been studying him closely, and it was for that reason he could see when Ludger shut back down. “Professor,” he retried, but Ludger’s gaze was hard and steady again.

“I can handle it,” he repeated, voice firmer than before. Vierano had to accept to back down for today.

“Very well,” he said. “But don’t forget my doors are always open if you change your mind, or need me for another reason.”

“....”

Ludger took this compromise with a stiff nod. Vierano stood.

“Now,” he said, keeping his voice light, “This is rather hypocritical of me after keeping you up so long, but you should try to get some sleep. Take your coat off and lie down, easy does it. And get your daemon on top of you, you don’t want to crush her.”

  He took the coat and hung it. Nonplussed into submission by the gentle, grandfatherly treatment, Ludger followed his instructions obediently. The raven daemon sat rigidly on Ludger’s chest, glancing warily at Hestia and Vierano, as if she was unsure of their intent. Hestia only said:

“Take care of yourself.”

  When Vierano turned back to close the curtain of the partition, he saw Ludger looking down at Noxia. After a moment’s hesitation, he slowly put a hand on his daemon’s wings. Noxia stopped glancing in Vierano’s direction. She shivered, then relaxed under his palm. Vierano hid a smile to himself as he left the medical room.

It was a small win, but small steps were better than nothing.