Chapter Text
Mid-Mission Status Report:
Writer: Norma Natividad
Date and Time of Entry: Sunday, February 13, 1983. Around 11 pm.
Mission: Retrieve the intercepted parcel from the enemy base while it's closed and bring it back to the motherlobe.
Challenges: Currently locked in a room with my rival, waiting for the others to find us and let us out, will possibly need to request backu-
The sound of Razputin kicking over a cup made her stop in her tracks. "I'm sorry, do you mind?" She huffed at him. "I'm trying to write our mid-mission status report." Raz glared at her. "You wouldn't need to do that if you could just help me find a way out of here instead of sitting on your butt and writing." He snapped back as he returned to examining one of the vents. "This is the way for us to get back up. We have less time than we'd like for this to be successful." She returned to writing.
"We wouldn't NEED backup if we found a way to leave!" He growled. "Oh, is mistew cicuws cwown gwumpy? Does the widdle baby need a nap?" Norma teased, giggling slightly. "If I didn't want to waste my energy, I'd kick your ass, four eyes." He put on as much of a threatening face as a ten-year-old could. "What could you do to me?" She smirked. "I'm gonna-" He yawned. "Challenge to a psychic duel, Natividad, how does that sound?" He grumbled.
"Not a chance. Any destruction will get us both beat down by Hollis. And she'll probably blame me, too, since you're all buddy-buddy with the whole staff." She said that last part under her breath, but he heard everything. "What do you MEAN? You barely got in trouble for locking me in a closet and stealing my clothes!" He snapped back. "Ugh, You're STILL on that? I gave it back!" She argued, rolling her eyes. "Yeah, after I finished the scavenger hunt YOU were too lazy to finish!" He shot back.
"It wasn't being lazy! I was trying to distract you while I investigated you." She rebutted. "The whole mole situation didn't start until later." He deadpanned. "Whatever! I bet even if you broke into the bar, you could use your big dumb puppy eyes to get Sasha to take pity!" She huffed. "And I bet YOU could get your parents to bail you out since you're apparently SOOOOO rich and cool, you jerk!" He growled back at her.
"You're the jerk here! Your life is so easy, you breezed through the entire program in a week!" She retorted. "Easy? EASY?!" His face reddened, obviously getting more and more irritated. "I worked hard to get where I am! My family had to travel from state to state, practicing and performing just to get enough to buy food and the occasional clothes, while you breezed through life paying everyone off! I saved the world! TWICE! meanwhile, you just get in my way!"
"I'm not THAT rich!" She argued. "You threatened to buy my entire family!" He countered. "You almost got me kicked out of the program and completely ruined my reputation! I spent weeks studying to get into this program and I did everything I could to get it! And then you waltz in like you own the place, all buddy-buddy with everyone!" She yelled back. "I got you into this program! You're the one who did nothing!" He pushed her, but he was so out of energy it was more like a nudge. "You wanna go, you little jerk?!" She worked out, squinting through her own fatigue. "I'll turn you into pancetta cubes you-"
They continued bickering, barely hearing the sound of Sam trying to kick the door open or the jar on the bookshelf that Raz knocked himself back into. The jar fell and smashed against the floor, releasing the powder and letting it quickly get into the air around them. "What the hell?" Norma tilted her head, feeling her nose tickle. Raz recognized the feeling almost immediately. "Norma- cover your no-A-ACHOO!"
And then there was darkness.
Sam finally managed to kick down the door as the powder finally settled, to two brainless junior agents and two brains lying on the floor. "Raz? Norma?" She looked them over. “Oh, of course, they would,” Gisu added, staring at them, moving the dust away to the far corner of the room with a flick of her wrist. Sam cautiously dragged the two of them out with some psi-hands and Gisu scooped up their brains.
“You have a funnel?” Sam asked. “I do but… which brain goes in which head?” Gisu replied, looking them over. Sam shrugged. “I can’t tell… she huffed slightly. “Well, figure it out quickly before their brains dry up!” Gisu huffed.
"Hmmm..." She thought back to the fighting she heard and their rivalry. "Well... I have a 50/50 chance of getting this right, and if Freaky Friday taught me anything, the best way to get people to get along is by forcibly switching their bodies!" She took the funnel, stuffing a brain into one body and another in the other. “Is that, uh… legal?” Gisu questioned. “Nothing’s illegal if there’s no cops around!” Sam smiled.
Raz cracked his eyes open to Sam waving her hand in front of him. "Hey! You doing okay?"Are you good? Can you hear me?" Raz nodded slowly, his neck stiff and his body very, very tired. "Yehicanhearyou- zzzz" he closed his eyes again, falling asleep immediately. Norma was already snoring away. Sam clicked on her radio. "I found them. They're asleep. We can probably bring them back to the dorms easily."
~~~~~~~~~~~
Raz yawned, lifting his head slowly as his eyes barely seemed to adjust. The world around him was blurry and a bit smaller than usual. The sunrise streamed through the window, and his room seemed a lot neater than he left it, based on what he could see if he squinted. He stretched, feeling his body crack and groan as he did so. His skin almost seemed purple, but he ignored it as a trick of his eyes.
He hopped off the bed, the feeling of his brain fully recalibrating to his body hitting him like a truck to the face. His head pounded as he yawned, and the strong scent of floral perfume didn't help things. He did feel taller, though. Did he hit a growth spurt? Maybe he just needed some cold water to the face to clear his head. And maybe a good stretch or twenty. Geez, why does his body feel so stiff? Maybe he has been lagging behind on his exercises.
Meanwhile, Norma slowly awakened, papers falling from her bed onto the floor. Her own bed felt bigger, and she blinked as she sat up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. Her vision was clear, though she still felt groggy, half asleep as she climbed down the ladder. Her body felt incredibly loose and very small. Wherever she was, It was messy. Comics and books littered the floor, and Posters on the wall. She could have sworn she was in Lizzie's room with all the mess.
As she left the room, So did Raz. Raz went to the bathroom, and Norma went to get her coffee. They walked past each other, barely noticing the other's presence. "Hey," Raz said to a small, yellow-skinned- wait. Wasn't that him? Did Norma say that? He was the one who moved his lips, but that was her voice. He quickly turned his head. That was HIS body. Walking without him.
Norma heard her own voice call to her. She froze. That couldn't be right, right? There was no way. She rubbed her eyes as she tried to wake up more. "Hello?" Norma called out. That wasn't her voice coming out. That wasn't how her voice sounded. She turned around. And stared dead in the eyes of her own body.
Both stood there with shocked faces, unsure how to react. Norma looked down at her hands. They were yellow. No. No no no. Raz- Norma? No, Raz, looked like he was about to scream, but Norma quickly covered her mouth with a psi-hand. "Don't scream! You're gonna wake up the entire dormitory!" She whispered through gritted teeth. "Let's talk in my room." Raz quickly nodded, Letting her grab his arm and dragging them into the room.
Norma let out a quiet shriek as she slammed the door behind her. "Those idiots put our brains in the wrong bodies!" She hissed indignantly. "T-this is... This is so cool! It's like how in True Psychic Tales 257 when-" Norma pulled him down by the pajama collar. "What do you mean "Cool", you TROGLODYTE? I don't want to be ten again! Your body is stupid loose! I feel like a bobblehead attached to a bunch of springs! How do you even keep from tipping over with a head like this?" She shook him for emphasis.
"Ack, quit shaking me! And you're one to talk, When was the last time you did a pull-up? Scratch that, when was the last time you stood up straight?!" He retorted. "Not the point! The point is, We're in the wrong bodies! What are we going to do?!" She said nervously, gripping her hair. "I'm sure we could talk to Hollis about it..." he replied hopefully. "No, Even if we went now, we'd still have to wait a while before we can switch back. And I can't face her! We're the idiots who got stuck in a room together and bickered until we got covered in sneezing powder! I'm not ready to tell her yet!" She moaned. "It's a disaster waiting to happen!"
"Well... What can we do?" Raz asked, scratching the back of his head. Norma thought for a moment then her mind lit up with an idea. "You know how you said that I breeze through life? Well, how about we spend a day in each other's shoes, and really see who's life is better?" She smirked. "I dunno, sounds kinda weird..." He muttered. "Hm.... you're right." She sighed. "You're so young, I bet you couldn't even handle what I do in my day-to-day." She feigned disappointment. "Please, you couldn't handle Aquato family training. You'd fall on your face the first time you try to do a cartwheel." He chuckled.
"Oh, Wanna bet?" She challenged. "Bet what?" He raised an eyebrow. "We live through each other's days and decide who has the better life. Whoever throws in the towel first loses." She grinned. "So?" Raz scratched his chin. “What’s in it for me?” He lifted an eyebrow. “If I win, you have to do all my house chores for the next week. If you win, I buy you whatever you want.” She smirked.
He looked pensive for a moment, then nodded. "That's a fair trade, I guess." Raz agreed. He smiled. "Good. Then it's decided." She winked. She tried running her hands through her hair but was met with a mess of grease and hair gel. "Yech, when was the last time you washed your hair?" She grimaced. "About a week ago, why?" He responded. Her (his?) face contorted with disgust. "I'm... going to the bathroom."
She quickly snuck out of her room, making sure no one saw her leave as she ran to the bathroom, leaving him there. "Wait, what should I do first?!" Raz yelled out after her, but she ignored him and shut the door with a soft click. He sighed. He decided to get dressed instead. He examined her closet, Finding nothing but itchy-feeling dresses and dress shirts, all brightly colored and patterned in a way that did not fit him. In this new body, maybe, but he didn't exactly want to wear that.
He tried on a dress and almost felt his body turn inward as he tried it on. Usually, he wouldn't mind something like this, but in this body, he just couldn't. He just looked wrong in this. Something in his mind screamed at him to hide how his body looked, and he felt a lump form in his throat as he struggled to find anything in Norma's closet. He finally found something that looked comfortable, Slipping on a shirt, an oversized hoodie, and some jeans.
He examined Norma's face in the mirror, looking it over as he moved it. He hadn't realized how weird being in someone else's body would feel, nor how strong he would feel about it. It seemed a bit overwhelming a bit foreign, and very, very weird. His heart beat fast, almost as if he was scared. But he also felt warm, almost too warm. Was there a temperature difference between bodies? That was odd.
He stumbled around the room, Looking around the room for Norma's glasses to make his disguise look more convincing. He found them eventually and placed them gently on his face quickly noticing how his vision cleared up. "Oh, that's what they're for." He mumbled to himself. He tugged that hat she always wore over his head. It was a good replacement for his helmet, anyway.
His new body felt so incredibly tense like it had never stopped to stretch a day in its life. The joints in his arms were slightly creaking when he tried. He flexed his legs, which had been aching since last night. God, his back HURT. Norma’s fault for sitting like a shrimp all day. He attempted his usual stretches (arms, legs, back) but couldn’t get half the flexibility he usually did.
As he looked around, trying to find what he could see with newly clear eyes, he noticed how... Minimalistic the place was. Not in an empty way, but more purposeful. The room was decorated with crocheted pieces, stray books, and some fancy-looking pillows, but not much else. And smelled of teen stench mixed with enough febreeze and flowery cheap perfume to kill a horse.
He quickly opened the window to keep his eyes from watering more than they were, almost knocking over one of the tiny succulents precariously teetering on the still. He slowly began walking out of Norma’s room towards the stairs, holding onto the rails tightly for fear of slipping or falling. Longer legs were harder to orient, apparently.
Once he reached the bottom, he turned left towards the kitchen, and almost felt like he was teetering over. His feet kept slipping off the steps, and his knees nearly buckled under him. He managed to stop himself from falling by grabbing one of the railings and leaning against it for support. Once he regained control of himself, he continued on his path, hoping to reach the kitchen before he ate crap on the hardwood floor.
After a couple minutes of stumbling down the hall, he finally made his way to the kitchen. Great, the dining area was crowded. If he just walked slowly and acted nonchalant, everything could be okay. He walked to the kitchen as casually as he could, nodding at the couple of greetings he got. "Hey, Norms." Lizzie, Norma's sister, greeted him. He knew how to interact with sisters. This was going to be a breeze. "Hey, Liz, What's up?" Lizzie raised an eyebrow at him. Crap. "Liz? You barely call me that anymore!" She smiled, grabbing him by the neck and putting him in a noogie chokehold. "What, you get hit on the head or somethin'?" She laughed.
"Ack! Lizzie-" He attempted to wriggle free but was finally let go from Lizzie's Iron grip. Her smile faded to one of concern, however. "Hey, are you alright?" She asked as she seemed to scan his clothing. "Uh... what?" He asked in confusion. "Y'know, you're wearing the hoodie...? She whispered, sadness and concern dripping from her voice. Now he really was confused. "Uh... It's a hoodie? It's comfortable?" He tilted his head at her. She sighed. "Look, I get it if you don't want to talk about it in front of everyone, but... we can talk later if you want."
"... I... Just want some toast." He pointed at the toaster behind Lizzie. She sighed and grabbed a slice of bread off the counter before handing it to him. "Have fun." She shrugged. "Thanks???" He muttered, putting it in the toaster. The front of his (Norma's?) thighs burned uncomfortably under the jeans, he could just feel how itchy it was. Maybe he could just ignore it. Like how everyone looked at him so differently.