Archive of Our Own ^beta

It’s funny, Lena thinks.

That after months of back and forth on whether she should pack her things, to put her prototypes in a safe box and her failed inventions in an even safer box, especially finding the right moment to tell Jack about wanting to move to National City two years ago, she is here again.

A calculated yet booming set of laughter resonated throughout the almost-haunting whites of her top-deck apartment. Lena laughed at the irony of the situation. It was not a laugh of utmost humor, not really. Of course, it was a laugh at herself – an absolute comedy about a woman who poured the purest of her intentions, giving out everything she can at every whim of this city. A comic play about the same woman meeting someone radiating with so much light one will be blinded, getting close to that someone and pouring her heart again to this person even if she promised herself to build a wall heaven-level high so no one could reach it, then fate telling her that she’s had enough of the link with this someone. And there’s the betrayal part, a tragedy of some sort…

Lena’s fake laugh receded as her hands on the drawer met another one of Kara’s mementos for her. It was the planner that Kara gave her on the CEO’s first day at CatCo. She kept this planner on her bedside table since then, and even though it literally is called planner, she has never used it that way. Instead, the planner was used for her more personal gains – random sketches of thoughts about what to build next, scribbles of her own thoughts about life and its mysteries at 2 AM, doodles of the things she wants to paint (but cannot, because as perfect as she can be with all her smart and tech-savvy mind, she lacks on the draw-this-face-paint-that-scenery-creative department); anything she could think of she writes on the planner, well everything, except jotting down notes about her schedule the next day.

Every single time that she had opened the planner though; she remembers the purposeful steps Kara took as she entered her office as Lena is already talking to James at that time, she can still see the brightest of smiles and the most sparkling of eyes when Kara handed it to her, she hears the melody of the reporter’s voice as she squeezed in the story from her childhood with the Danvers as Lena opened the planner for the very first time. And it always feels that way… It always feels like Kara every time she opens the notebook and it feels like Kara when she pours her heart out into writing or drawing in it. It always felt like home. Until it doesn’t…

This is the first time she has opened anything that Kara gave her. The picture in the frame she broke weeks ago was not counted. It was the first time since the reveal, and even though she feels all the wrath, the rage and the fury, she can’t help but still feel the tinge of home that Kara had sheltered her in for the last two years.

It’s funny because as much as Lena wants to throw away everything from Kara that she sees right now, her own body won’t do anything. Her own stupid heart doesn’t want to give all this up and all because of some illusioned home built by Kara it is encased in.

And so, instead of throwing away everything, they were added to another portmanteau.

Lena lets out a sigh when finally, the last one of her items is now packed with the rest of things. There is now a palette of all the things she will need to start a new life, everything is compacted in her open living area.

For her last night in National City, she hoped to have a good night sleep.

The self-flying plane controlled by the scientist landed on a small airport in the east coast of Northern Ireland. Two big trucks were needed to transport the mountain of Lena’s belongings, both of which were driven to her new house ahead of her as she waited for her scheduled rented car.

This was the first time in a long time that she used a normal coupe – non-luxurious, not-control-powered, not-very-business-like car. She managed to enjoy the view outside her passenger window as she drove the long coastal highway, or rather freeway, as the hauling truck updated when her things passed through here minutes ago. She has always liked learning a new language, but she knew that the variant of English she will have to deal with in her new town will make her build a room for adjustment.

When the town sign that read ‘lynburgh’ in big red lettering came into view after about an hour of driving, Lena felt exhausted. Although the flight to a new country or the long drive to a new town was nowhere near tiring, the fact that Lena decided to leave everything behind slowly sunk in.

It’s really true. She is free of Supergirl. And this might make her sigh in contentment, but she knew better. She knew that behind the huff of relief, a breath of grief was hidden.

She looked back at the past few years that had gone as she peered through the front window of her new house, taking in the view inside from the porch. She thought back about the first time she met Kara as she put the ominous key into the house’s keyhole then she turned the knob to welcome herself to the shelter that she has brought, is now hers, and will be made home by her. She remembered Kara as she started opening up the boxes the next day. A guest room is where she spent the previous night, with a bed that is not as soft and fluffy as the one she has back at National City. Her heart did not let her forget about the pain Kara had caused when the night called her to sleep. For a while, as the clock struck 3 AM, the first thought of regret about leaving her former city crept into her. It is with the greatest restraint that she did not order for a jet back to her spacious penthouse that makes her relive all the happy and dishonest moments she had with the blonde. She recalled the first fight with Supergirl at the DEO as the boxes that didn’t seem to run out were unfolded and the contents claimed spaces on the big laboratory she requested to be established in her basement. The nostalgia of the first time she saved Supergirl surfaced when she started a new project a week after moving into her new house. She can’t help but curse at herself many times a day every time the thought of the hero crosses her mind.

It took her three more weeks to finish the prototype and the first thing she did was put it in her blouse to do exactly what it is meant to do.

Back at National City, Kara could not be any more restless. Alex told her a few times to let it go, citing that “maybe Lena just scheduled a vacation”; and when Kara looked at her with puppy eyes, she says “Not hearing her heartbeat in the city is not the end of the world, Kara.”

Maybe it isn’t; but she cannot keep her composure when a new secretary is seen on L-Corp’s National City Headquarters, where is Jess? Jess has always been the one Lena trusts with her account in the main office, so a change of secretariat may mean something not-so-good, right?

It confused her more when Kara, dressed in her usual journalist wardrobe, asked the new secretary about wanting to meet the CEO on the top-floor office. Although Kara had already promised Lena that she would give her time to process the reveal, she was stunned when she heard the staff mention that the owner was in her office at the time. But why can Kara Danvers not hear the familiar pattern of Lena Luthor, L-Corp’s CEO’s heartbeat?

Kara doesn’t understand any of it. Not when the usual Noonan’s coffee orders of her best friend didn’t get ordered for a whole week. Not when Lena’s favorite kale salad from the vegan restaurant near CatCo didn’t get delivered to her office for another week. Not when the lights on her penthouse that Kara could see even from her apartment with bare eyes didn’t get lit up for the third week. Not when no sounds of laptop keyboard clicking nor sips of coffee were heard by Kara’s superhuman ear when she patrolled the whole city at night for 30 consecutive days. She didn’t understand anything at all.

Or rather, not until her red boots touched the floor of Lena’s pristine apartment. And she finally understood it.

When she sees the white cotton couch she used to lay on as Lena laughed at her sprawled position is now covered with a massive cloth that matches its egg-shell complexion. When the enormous television situated on the wall of her living area that Kara and Lena used to watch reruns of their favorites shows in is now dismounted, leaving the mounting bar on the ivory wall behind it. When the marble kitchen countertop that is usually filled with flower vases, bowls of fruits, and snack boxes was as empty as the cupboards that used to house Lena’s collection of wildly priced spices that are to be dealt with only once on blue moons. Finally, it clicked when her footsteps led her to the brunette’s master’s bedroom and the only things she saw were the massive bed, the nightstand tables on each side of the mattress, and the camel back sofa near the window.

Kara propped herself down the soft-cushioned bed as she pondered. Lena is gone. She couldn’t hear her heartbeat at all throughout the month because Lena is not in National City. She tries to think of another reason, but she can’t. It is because of her that Lena is gone- scratch that , it is because of her that Lena left. How could a month pass without Kara realizing that Lena is not in the city anymore? How could she let Lena go?

The brunette stretched to meet the new day the next morning. This was the first time she had not thought of Kara even before opening her eyes to meet the sun rays. She clapped at herself for this. Maybe it’s because of her new prototype that is already working its method to her.

After countless hours working in the lab, ‘ silencer ’ as she calls it, seems to work perfectly fine now. It aims to do exactly what it is called, to silence her heartbeat when pinned near her chest. It is another step of cutting Supergirl off.

One might call her delusional for being this extra, but then she remembers that Kara admitted to listening to Lena’s heartbeat even before revealing that she was Supergirl. “It was a dumb thing, Lena, but I try to listen to your heartbeat every time just to make sure you’re safe,” the blonde confessed and Lena laughed at her ridiculousness: because how can her human best friend hear a very subtle sound if she’s Kara, well... a human.

As she recalled that very moment back on her third day on Lynburgh, a sketch for a new invention was started. Here she is now, wearing a black nightgown and the silencing pin attached to the clothing near her sternum. She welcomed the day with an eagerness knowing that she is now completely invisible to the girl of steel.

Lena figured that it was the perfect time to go outside her compound for the first time after the move. After a month of staying in, her pantry is almost out of food and her skin is asking for a little time under the yellow sun. 

There is a bicycle she sourced out from L-Corp that was gathering dust in her garage. In the little time she took deciding if she should order another rental car, she thought about using it. The two tires of the vehicle are all good, as well as its chain, handles and brakes. So, Lena Luthor: former CEO of a Fortune 500 company - is driving a bicycle to a small grocery store in a small town in Northern Ireland, by herself. 

It is really evident that she rarely does the grocery because anyone can see her and think about how lost she looks. It took her some laps before finding the detergent that has the most similar smell to the one she’s currently using. And now, she’s having a very hard time finding the milk she used to pair with her cereal for breakfast. Lena Luthor loves her routine and change is not a very easy thing for her, so she murmurs fuck as she finished another circle throughout the small store. 

“Jesus, how are you?” she was almost startled when a man with a thick accent walked to her. He looked like a worker in the store, with a vest that had the store name in its right chest, a metal name tag under it, and a smile that looked like he was attracting customers. 

“Excuse me?” 

“Oh, new here?” Lena nodded at his question. “Haven’t had any new customers in a while now, you know. It’s a small town and… I don’t know you.”

“I just moved last month, figured I needed some new supplies because my pantry is not gonna refill itself.”

“Have you looked around? Lynburgh is small but so nice,” the man looked like he had all the time in the world to talk to Lena while he worked. On the other hand, the woman felt terrified yet hopeful. It doesn’t feel like the man knows her, or atleast that she is a Luthor. This is what she wants yet it feels surreal for her to be greeted like a normal person. 

“I have not, actually… For now, I just really want to find some milk,” the man seemed to be enlightened.

“Oh… milk is not sold here, sorry. We have this milk store just ahead of the road near Uncle Cormac’s barn. Every dairy product is there, straight out the barn!”

“Interesting, I’ll check that out later. Can you help ring these up, please?” Lena slightly lifted the basket she’s currently holding.

“Sure, and since you’re new here, I figured I can introduce myself…” the man turned away from Lena to walk to the register. The brunette then followed through.

“Riordan?” Lena reads the name tag as the man starts to check out her items. “That’s a nice name.”

“Oh, thank you! No one really calls me that. People here call me Rory so I hope you’ll use that too from now on…” Riordan looked at Lena, trying to signal about asking her name which the scientist immediately understood. 

“It’s Lena… uhm,” there was a moment of silence from her as she thought whether to mention the god-forsaken surname of her, so she settled with “... I’m Lena Walsh.” 

“WALSH?” the guy’s voice is suddenly in a higher pitch. “I’m a Walsh too!” 

The coincidence left Lena surprised. The surname she used is of Irish origin, she got it from when she was researching her roots from her mother. Elizabeth Walsh. It was the name she saw from one of Lionel’s journals, who tried his best to not expose any of Lena’s background before being adopted. 

“Uhm… that’s not really my last name, more of my birth mom’s. She was from here and I just came to try and settle down here”, Lena thought, there is no harm in opening up to a stranger .

 “Oh? Okay!”, there was a slight confusion on Rory’s face before he lit up again. “What was your mother’s name? Maybe I knew her…”

“Elizabeth Walsh”, the brunette looked at the redhead man with hope so if ever she knew her, Lena would know something about her mother that Lionel had not fed her. 

“I don’t think I knew any Elizabeth. But for you, I’ll ask Marilyn…”

“Marilyn?”

“My mother, of course!”, Rory cackled on his own humor as he gave Lena the receipts of the groceries she just bought.

The dairy shop was her next stop and as she checked out the bottles of milk and the bars of butter into the basket of her bike that suprisingly holds her bag of groceries too well, there was a breeze of blue and red that passed through her overhead.

There is longing inside her, Kara admits to herself. In each of her lap around the world, she tries to hear a glimpse of Lena’s heartbeats; but as if she had gone offworld, Kara can’t hear even the tiniest of thump.

When Kara made a stop-over in Asia, spending half a month superspeeding through the streets of Saint Peterburg, Russia to the bustling city of Beijing, China - Lena Luthor was not there. The falling cherry blossom flowers in Japan didn’t give Kara a glimpse of Lena’s beauty. The Middle Eastern heat showed not a single flushed skin of the brunette. The happy people of Thailand and the Philippines failed to show a glinting smile from the scientist. There is simply no Lena in Asia. 

Two weeks after a solar flare when she fought a monster in Australia, Kara boosted to Africa. As she spent a week alternating her Supergirl duties and a new scoop handed to her by Andrea, she concluded that there was also no Lena in the continent.

An exposé about a corrupt politician blocked two of her months that should be spent finding Lena. There is always a moment of absolute frustration everyday as she go through another pile of evidences about the person while trying her best to contain the dread of not seeing her bestfriend.

Then Kara figured that Lena might be in South America. 

After Andrea give Kara a month-long vacation for her job well done, two weeks were spent restlessly resting. How could I rest without knowing where Lena is?, she countered Alex’s phone call about the beaches of Argentina and the greenery of Brazil. She almost ran out of excuses to Andrea when the CEO asked why is the hotel calling me that you have not checked in for two weeks?, so with a heavy heart, she went back to National City without even a hint of Lena’s location.

It’s been four months since Lena left and Kara just couldn’t take it anymore. Alex soothed her back as the reporter cried into her sister’s chest. 

“Do you think that you can’t find Lena because she purposely hides herself? I mean… as you said before, her coping mechanism has always been isolation”, Alex opened up the conversation as Kara starts to calm down with sniffles still loud.

“I don’t get it, Alex… why? Why would she do that? She can talk to me, I was willing to tell her everything that night I went to her apartment.”

“Why do you suddenly want to tell her everything, Kara? Is there another reason aside from coming off clean?”

“W-what?”, Kara stammers in puzzlement. 

“I know I told you to not tell Lena about Supergirl before, but when you told her the truth, is that because I was just pushing you after the Lex ordeal or because you really want to share that part of you to her now?”

“I-i…” Kara paused, the confusion in her face becoming more evident as she thinks of what to answer. “I guess… I think that I’ve always been ready to tell her about this part of me, Alex. It’s just that… Can she accept me when she knew everything?” Kara contemplated as she tinker with one edge of her cape.

“She’s Lena, Kara. She’s your person. I think that deep inside, you know what she feels, and you know what she wants. Do you think that by telling her your secret, she’ll be like her brother?”

“What?” Kara looked at Alex incredulously. “I could never. Alex, no. I can’t tell her that I’m Supergirl because I’m always worried she might love me less if she knew.” 

There was no realization from Kara as Alex closes their conversation. It was in the late night, when she was laying on her bed and thinking about where to look for Lena next that she realized the meaning of what she said. She sat up at the speed of light when she heard herself, I couldn’t bear it if Lena were to love me less, because I couldn’t love her less too. In each morning she wakes, and in each night she rests, her love for Lena Luthor is what keeps Kara Danvers afloat. But tonight, the realization of her feelings for Lena kept her quite awake.

Kara didn’t think that Kryptonians could have eyebags, but there she is, in France -  with an insanely sleepy posture as she greets kids with utmost effort to stay awake. As soon as she realized what she felt just last night, she couldn’t stay in National City for longer. Instead, she packed lightly and soared through the evening sky to Europe. She almost crashed into a flock of birds migrating to the south as she made her way.

Kara would deal with Andrea later that day as she tender a temporary leave. It feels a lot like the usual Kara to realize something then panic , Alex tells Jonn when the heroine tells her sister she won’t be tending to her Supergirl duties for a while. Kara plopped into the bed and closed her eyes as the noisy city of Paris filled her ears.

It’s officially the sixth month of Lena’s stay in Lynburgh. Even though she has somehow detached herself with her past, she can’t help it when the feelings from before creep into her. Usually, to get rid of this, she would ask Rory to go with her to a nearby pub and drink it all out; but when she woke up this morning with that distressed emotions in her, she thought that staying sober would be the best course of action for her to take. Although, Rory couldn’t help but still get attached to her hip as she tinkers with a new project.

“Thorul, you have a lot of inventions here and won’t publish them. Too bad for the world, isn’t it mate?” Rory blurts out as he pushes a button on one of Lena’s projects. Fortunately for him, the device isn’t loaded, they wouldn’t want gravity around them to mess up, do they? 

Upon learning Lena’s real identity in the third month of their friendship, he gasped as he complained to the scientist, “So I’m the real Walsh here?”

It almost made Lena cry at the spot when instead of getting disgusted, Rory was so excited to try and be Lena’s guinea pig - which she obviously turned down at his first request.

“Why can’t I?”

“Because I care about your life?”

“You just don’t want to say that I’m not interesting enough to be a lab rat!”

“Riordan, you are so dramatic.”

Rory, from that day on, called Lena by a nickname that feels connected to her past life, but had already turned - he calls her Thorul.

“Stop touching that! You know some devices here are deadly?” she swatted his hand as Rory tried to push another button that would activate a portal.

“Is this to go to that girl?” Lena’s brows furrowed as Rory opened up about the topic she most certainly wants to avoid.

Aside from her real identity, she also told Rory about her fall-out with Kara, masking the superhero identity as she hid something from me that I should have known because I am her best friend. 

She almost kicked him out of her house when he told her why not just talk to her first, shout at her- you know? tell her everything, before hiding here. Adding not that i don’t want you here before giving her a I’m-fucking-with-you smile.

That night, Lena asked herself too. Why didn’t she just talk to Kara and smooth this all out like a business deal? She answered her own questions: well, Kara isn’t just a business deal. It is her, The only person I couldn’t just give up.

So another experiment was started- a portal that can take her anywhere, without the DEO taking a signature of. She tried using it to go to the groceries and when Rory jumped in surprise as he saw her friend come out from a portal and no Supergirl went to her location even after thirty minutes, she knew it was successful. 

She thinks that after another working invention, she could fill the void that only the blonde heroine could fill; but when night time comes, and Rory went home and left Lena for the night, the gnawing feelings come back. For the nth time since she left National City, she misses Kara again, causing her tears to lull her to sleep.

To say she was healing is one way to put it. Sure, the anger has slowly dissipated out of her; but she knew she still cannot face Kara without the constant thought of ruining herself. It was an incredible eight months, and even if she’s now smiling more and banging the laboratory keyboard less, Lena thinks she still doesn’t want to see her. 

Although deep inside her, she knows that her heart badly longs for the woman. 

She cannot fathom to think that she hates Kara as much as she loves her, she vomits at the thought that she wants to slap Kara in the face for her betrayal as much as she want to press her forehead against the superhero’s to accept and take in her alienage, she is ashamed for herself for wanting to bury Kara - may it be the oceans or the earth, as much as she want to bury the woman in the soft cotton of her duvet. The juxtaposition of her feelings is something she is certainly putting hours into just to understand. 

Some nights she screams her hatred for Kara’s betrayal at her office- being thankful for the soundproofing device she spent days installing. Some nights she cries as she remembers all the effort Kara puts in saving her from her quarterly assasination attempt. Some nights she laughs at the stuttering mess of Kara and her exceptional audacity to lie about her ‘Supergirlness’. Some nights she aches for Kara to lay beside her and cuddle her to sleep with her bear hug and always warm body. Some nights, Lena just feels numb- wanting all of this to just end, and for them to just go back to what they were before all of these.

It was a very cold night for Lena. The smoking hot cup of tea in her bedside table is a testament to that. With her curled up in her now-softer mattress, inside a very thick cotton blanket, with a new book in her hand- she feels comfortable. Only a world-shattering emergency could take the coziness from the brunette.

And the world-shattering emergency happens to be a phone call from Rory.

Lena waited for the ring to die down, but when another call started, she had no choice but to roll her eyes before dropping her book. Rory knew that disturbing Lena from her night habits is a death sentence, which only means that whatever his reason is for the second call is really an emergency. 

“Good lord, finally you picked up!” is the first thing an exasperated Riordan muttered.

“This better be something impor-”

“Lena help! I don’t know what to do… The-the ceiling’s banjaxed… I was sat at the counter then someone fell down the soap aisle”, Lena could feel the shake in her friend’s voice and she knew that something was very wrong. 

What if those are people that are still chasing her for being a Luthor?

She can’t let Riordan be targeted. So, as much as she wanted to just lay in her bed, she was able to change into something more appropriate in a very small time, picking up the updated portal watch and into the grocery store. 

The first thing that welcomed her was the acrid smell of floral detergent. Normally, this would be a very pleasing experience, but not today; not when there is a very terrified Rory looking at an aisle she can’t even see yet. The store was a mess, thankfully a few shelves are still standing, including the one she’s currently facing. Meanwhile, her friend looked like he was looking at a ghost, an entity that may be physically mangled, or something that he is not used to seeing. The redhead turned his head, still looking pale and with no blood; he ran as soon as he saw Lena.

“Come, I heard the soap explode and then there was this…” 

When she followed Rory’s lead, Lena saw the object of the emergency. It was not a ghost, not physically mangled, but definitely something Riordan is not used to seeing. As if her world suddenly stopped, then did a somersault and quaked again, Lena almost vomited at the sight before her. Because it is Lena who knew everything - scratch that, every lie about this object. 

It was Lena’s turn to be aghast as she saw the red-caped hero lying supine atop the already burst bottles of detergent, her red-booted feet falling on one of the fallen shelves. Lena ran to the definitely unconscious Kara Danvers, not minding the possibility of her slipping on the liquid-covered floor before taking one of the hero’s hands and checking if there is any palpable pulse. She sighs when she feels the almost distant heartbeat of Kara. 

“Hey, K-kara…” the first time she uttered the blonde’s name after months of disappearing felt surreal. Ironically, it also feels home. 

“Kara!” she called for her again when no response was felt by her. When there was still no response, she shook the hero’s body. She doesn’t understand why the unconscious woman won’t give any sign of alertness so she touched both of the hero’s shoulders and shook the broad body of the woman, “Goodness! Kara, wake up!” 

“K-kara? The girl- your Kara?” Riordan, still sounding weak, muttered behind her.

“Yes! Please help here, Rory. Open the portal, can you?” 

“Wait-wait where are we going?” 

“To my lab, of course! Should we just leave her here?” Lena glared at the unconscious Kara before looking back to Rory. 

“Uhh… is that a good idea, Lena? I am panicking right now! Why is she not waking up? Oh Thorul I am very confused-”

“Just please stop talking! Open the portal, and help me drag her into the lab!” 

Kara is heavy. She may not look like a two-hundred and fifty-pound woman but she sure feels that heavy. Lena would like to attribute that to the muscle-filled buffed build of the superhero but she tries to pay no attention and drags Kara into the purple portal with all the strength in her human body. 

When the portal closes after Kara’s feet, Rory started to pace around Lena’s laboratory  

“As much as I want to applaud your skill in operating my portal, can you please stop doing that, Rory and help me here?” For a while, the redhead stopped pacing as he looked at Lena incredulously. 

“Thorul, first- what are we going to do to her? She looks dead, man. What if we get accused of murder? I love being a free man. Second- how did she fall to my store? She looked like she fell from heaven, man. Literally.”

“Rory.”

“What? Lena, I support you always,” Rory looked at her with concern as he started pacing again. “But is this really a good idea?”

“Please, let’s just talk about me later. Just- can you just help me get her on the damn bed?”

“What bed?” For the nth time that night, Rory looked lost. 

“That.” Lena was pointing at the metal slab in her laboratory. The one that looks like it came from an autopsy clinic. It certainly does not look like a bed.

“Thorul, you know that’s not a bed, man.”

Lena rolled her eyes before walking closer to Rory and the metal slab behind him. Rory looked at her in confusion as the scientist’s hand reached under the almost floating metal, reaching for something before a click was heard. The metal slab was slowly transformed into something that has a soft feel on it, like a cushion when you fall from a very high building. It looked like a bed now, in Rory’s point of view, there were lamps on both side of it’s headboard. 

“It’s a sunbed. Now, go and help me,” there was this usual smile plastered on Lena that was present everytime she paraded her invention to Rory. A smile of boastfulness, as the redhead puts it.

Even if Rory is already helping, Lena can still feel the superhero’s weight. In her current unconscious and uncontrolled state, she is definitely heavier and the two people carrying her were not having a good time. 

As Lena turned on the sunlamps, she made sure that Kara was entirely in the bed. The bruises on her face were starting to lighten immediately although no consciousness started to appear from the heroine.

“What’s a sunbed?” Rory uttered beside her, although what he should ask the scientist is why did Lena Luthor have a sunbed built in her laboratory?

This was the day she had the least sleep since the day she moved to Lynburgh. In fact, she did not have any sleep at all. After putting the heroine under the sunbed last night, she needed to explain everything to Rory. Just like what she expected, the man asked her nonsensical questions instead of existential ones, like if she flew here, where’s the wings? can she really fly with just a cape? 

With hundred of sighs, Lena finished feeding into Riordan’s curiosities and they switched to panic mode when the redhead realized that the store he is working in is absolutely wrecked. Lena felt guilty and promised to help Rory rebuild the grocery from her own money. Rory doesn’t want that but when Lena argued about where he would get funds for the rehabilitation, he accepted the multi-millionaire's offer. He went home to sleep and promised to get to Lena’s as soon as he woke up.

The scientist didn’t leave her laboratory, she hooked up an apparatus to check the Kryptonian’s vital signs. It took her hours of conversation with herself whether she would get a sample of Kara’s blood to check but ultimately decided not to and just wait for the woman to wake up before she could do the next steps to make sure she’s healthy. 

It was already almost afternoon when she went upstairs to get something to eat. She checked her fridge to see if she can cook something but then she settled with getting a bowl of oatmeal. The ping of her microwave timed with the sound of her door ringing, signaling that Rory is here. 

“You won’t believe what I searched! She was fighting a monster, Thorul” Great! Lena doesn’t have any sleep with her and the first thing her friend greets her is that.

“What?” Lena replies in confusion.

“Your Kara, she was fighting this monster in Dublin and she goes pow… pow… and wapow!” Rory was energetic as he marched into Lena’s living room, punching in the air with her face scrunched up in imaginary pain. “Then she goes…” Rory then acted as he was falling as he slammed himself into the white cushion of Lena’s sofa. “... into my roof! Thorul, I'm telling you, she is so close to death.” 

“And you will be too if you don’t stop shouting. I’ve got no sleep, please tone down your drama, can you?” Rory grinned at the scientist as he made his way to her basement, getting Lena’s glass of milk with Lena behind him to follow. 

“Uh-oh” was the only thing Rory uttered before Lena’s time seemed to slow down. 

The brunette almost dropped the bowl she was holding because for the first time in eight months, Kara’s bluest of eyes were looking at her. The heroine looked lost, but there was familiarity as soon as their eyes met. Lena swears she could hear her own heartbeat, just realizing now that she wasn’t wearing the silencer since last night when she changed clothes. She sees Kara’s eyes water as the sight of her, and it took every self control she had to not run and hug the woman she was longing for too long.

“Lena?” The heroine croaked, her voice faltering with fatigue. She is starting to feel the pain on every muscle fiber in her body. She hears no overwhelming sound and she sees everything with no x-ray vision. She is solar-flared, for sure. She feels human; most importantly, she feels content, for the first time in months- everything feels okay because the woman she was looking for, day and night, was looking directly at her in a casual pair of pyjamas and a bowl of whatever food in her hand. She feels like every pain in her has already healed. 

“You fell… into Rory’s shop. He didn’t know what to do, so… he called me for help.”

“You are gone.. for months, Lena!” Kara jumped off the bed, wanting to confront the woman- only her body failed her as she felt dizzy and nauseated. She looked for something to cling on but she still smashed to the ground. Thankfully, Riordan was quick to catch her and Lena almost dropped to her knees.

“I’m- i’m fine…” the heroine, still on the ground, looked at the unfamiliar man and then to Lena again. “I was looking for you, Lena. For months! What happened? Why… why did you leave me?”

Rory can feel the tension between the two, he looked at Lena to try and ask if he could go without saying anything. Lena may have understood that and let Rory leave as quickly as possible, not breaking the still contact between her and Kara.

“You should know the answer to that, Supergirl. The moment you decided to lie and betray me was the moment I lost my trust in you.” icy tone meets Kara’s yearning voice. Lena managed to put the now-cold bowl of oatmeal she has been holding since she saw the now-awake Kara Danvers. “Now, you can stay here today, but go… after you rest.. or eat. Here… just eat this.” Despite the cold, concern was still evidently laced in Lena’s voice as she pushed the bowl she prepared for herself before turning her heels to go up, completely ignoring Kara’s questions.

She hears the heroine scuffling to get up behind her and she almost took the first step towards the stairs when Kara gripped her forearm. 

“I missed you…” The softness of Kara’s voice left Lena biting her lip to suppress anything from coming out. “...I want to leave you alone, give you time to process. But Lena, now I can’t-”

Lena turns around, she meets Kara’s eyes with a glare. “And why is that?” 

“I’m solar-flared.” Lena looks concerned. Like she wants to touch Kara and palpate every part of her body to see where it hurts the most. Kara swears she can see the Lena that rushed to the DEO to give Supergirl the anti-kryptonite suit that one time. But Lena was so quick to mask the worry and the coldness was there again. “I have no money, no passport, my phone and clothes are in Dublin. I can’t go home, Lena. Can I stay here just until I get my powers back, the last time it was just a few days…”

“Then call the DEO.” 

“No, I can’t… and won’t,” Lena looks at her, perplexed. Why on Earth would Supergirl not call the DEO in times of need? “I’m not… I’m not with them, maybe not anymore. I’m trying to leave the DEO now, I’ve been AWOL at Catco too. I’ve been using my savings to stay outside National City.” There was uncertainty in Kara, as if she is with or she is not with DEO concurrently. 

“Why would you do that?” Lena asks, her brows furrowed. Just why would Kara leave? “Then why were you Supergirl last night? 

“I was being a vigilante, just fighting bad things that happens near me. I’ve been traveling for the past months, I can’t be Supergirl and trying to find you at once.”

“What?”

“Lena, I can’t hear you. All these months, even now that I don’t have powers. Lena, I was looking for you, and then there was this monster that I can’t punch, so I used my vision until I felt myself falling… Then, I was here…” Kara reaches for the scientist’s hand and even if Lena was forcing herself to not let Kara touch her, she finds herself absorbing Kara’s unnatural warmth.

“Please, let me stay here, Lena. I missed you… so much, and if you don’t want to go near me that’s okay. I just want you near. Rao , I think I’m so close to going crazy if I didn’t see you today.”

The contemplation started in Lena. Is this really a good idea? Rory warned her last night and she also knew herself. She knows just how much Kara has power over her. She knew that she was so close to forgiving Kara, that she only needed Kara’s explanation before all the anger in her was gone. She knew that if Kara asks to live with her, she might just say yes on the spot. She knew how much she loves Kara, and if she stays, maybe Lena would not be able to let her go again.

Still, she settled with, “Eat the oatmeal. You can stay… just until you gain your powers back.”

Even if he is still about ten meters away from the front porch, Riordan can already hear Lena shouting from inside the house. Ever since the restoration of the grocery started the day after the incident happened, that was one week ago, he was left with no job. In order to get something to eat, he goes to Lena every meal. Not that the scientist minds, but Riordan is so close to shouting at the two of them because the tension is there but why won’t Thorul do something about it?

Here they are again, as Rory opens the front door, the first thing he saw is the scrunch on Lena’s forehead and the anger that comes with it. 

“I told you to not lift, Kara! Look at the bruises in your arms, it’s not even healed!” Lena looks like someone whose nerves are so close to bursting. 

“I’m fine.. I said I want to help you.”

“You want to help me yet you’ll be groaning in pain at night. I could hear you from upstairs!” 

“Oh you’re not sleeping together, Thorul?” Rory found the perfect time to insert himself. The two women looked at him, one with a very confused look and the other with such a fiery stare he thinks he’s already burning. 

“What the hell are you saying?” The tone almost made him cower. “Can you just eat something there and not cut me?” Before Lena could throw him another one of her death looks, he was already running to the kitchen, opening the fridge to get something to eat. Yet, he can still hear the two argue about lifting the box that doesn’t really look that heavy. 

He was observing them the whole week since Lena told him that Kara would be staying with her for a while and he didn’t fail to give her a side eye. For someone who's been with Lena everyday for the last eight months, he knows just how much she misses the other woman so much, and to see Lena struggle to express her emotion around Kara makes him laugh as much as it makes him want to tell Lena to listen to her heart. Since the first day Kara was here, there was this certain glint that is appearing to Lena everytime she looks at the other woman. Rory could see it from kilometers away. Even if there was anger in Lena’s voice everytime she talks to Kara, that glint never goes away. 

On the third day of Kara’s stay, Lena asked her to get some milk but it was just really a way to dismiss her after she started opening the topic of the reveal. Lena does not want to open up in the early mornings of Northern Ireland. Rory came when Kara drove off Lena’s old truck and there he saw the scientists almost in tears. Lena is beautiful when she cries, the man knows this since the first he saw the brunette broke down; but she was exquisite when she cries about Kara, because there are tears of hatred as much as tears of devotion everytime she does so. 

Kara was already in her room on the night of her fifth day while Rory and Lena were left in the kitchen discussing the store renovation updates. Rory knows that Lena has always been guarded, but that night, Lena was guarded as well as observant. He saw how Lena looked at the guest room door at every small sound that came from the other side of it. He saw how Lena looked like she badly controlled herself to not go and give attention to the maker of the sound- Kara. 

Here he is again, while he is munching on a jar of trail mix he found in Lena’s cupboard, he sees how Kara looked at Lena- the same way Lena looks at her all the time. When will they tell each other that they are madly in-love , Riordan thinks.

Kara doesn’t understand why that ‘Rory’ is always too close to Lena. She wants to know how he can stay that close to the woman who drives her crazy. So when Rory was preparing to leave after dinner on the seventh day of her stay, she was preparing to talk to Lena.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Thorul. Thanks for the lovely dinner!” was her cue to prepare her speech. 

When Lena comes back from seeing Riordan out the door, their eyes meet and she feels like all the speech she was practicing in her mind has flushed down and was already nowhere to be found; because Lena was looking at her with those angry green eyes and a visible weariness in them.

“It was never about you being a Luthor…” the scientist was on her way to the kitchen when Kara spoke. “I never thought of you as anyone other than what you let me see, Lena. But it was me who was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. I don’t want to burden you anymore.”

“No, Kara. That’s where you are wrong.” The superhero was surprised that the woman isn’t changing the subject just like all the times she tries to open up. “I was always in danger, even if I didn't know about your identity. You knew that already but you still didn't tell me,” Lena looked back at her - “You just don’t trust me enough, which still comes back to the fact that I am my mother’s daughter and my sociopathic brother’s sister.” Every word uttered by Lena is bitter, Kara was in a frown while shaking her head, not letting Lena believe the words she was saying.

Lena walked faster to the staircase, locking the basement door and the dishes were already forgotten. Even without the super speed, Kara was still relatively swift in trailing from behind Lena. 

“I thought about that being my excuse, and I thought to just use that excuse- but I can’t cover my lie with another lie, Lena.” They were face-to-face on the stair landing, and with Lena looking at her with those big emerald eyes, Kara just wants to say every feeling that was left unsaid. “I was a coward. I didn’t want to let you go. I didn’t want us to be like this, Lena. But look at us now… I still made the mistake, and you were still gone from me.”

Just like the night of the reveal, Lena just looked at her with a tear falling from her eyes and a gaze so stoic Kara feels she’s turning into a stone. Lena turned back and left Kara standing there, waiting for the day they finally resolved their conflict.

Kara is still solar-flared three weeks after the incident. Lena was getting impatient. They have not had any conversation since that night; she can take the silence but it is Kara’s presence that makes her boiling. The blonde was all droopy as she does everything- although Lena doesn’t really ask her to, Kara sweeps, mops, cleans the dishes, does the laundry, waters the plants and chucks wood for the fireplace. Before Kara, it’s just the same because her house is filled with unnecessary inventions that she makes to ease her life in Lynburgh; but there is magnificence in Kara’s way of doing the house chores. Even if they are in a no-speaking term, Lena couldn’t help but to ogle when Kara does things for her- like making her coffee in the morning (she knows it’s for her because Kara makes two cups and she pushes the cup closer to the entrance when Lena enters the kitchen), pulling the blinds when she is watching TV and the sun rays hits the screen, dimming the lights in the basement when she gets up from her daily one-hour-stay under the sunbed while Lena does something new in her worktable. It’s the annoying little things that make Lena crave more for Kara’s longer stay. 

The brunette knows that Kara may leave anytime and that she shouldn’t be attached to her presence; but Lena can’t help it especially when she sees Kara try and cook something, when Kara just came out the bathroom and her hair is dripping wet and Lena’s clothes fit her perfectly, when Kara goes outside to chuck wood and the muscle in her arms bulge at every hit, when Kara uncontrollably laughs at that Irish comedy show she doesn’t even understand sometimes- Lena couldn’t help but fall for the blonde more.

But there is still an ache… Whenever she sees Kara frowns, her forehead crinkles in confusion for something, her lips going into a sad smile- there still an ache as Kara looks at her tonight. There was a faint noise about a storm in the background, but she couldn't care less; because Kara is looking at her, at almost midnight and all the lights were already out and Lena just wanted to get some water to see Kara in the kitchen with an already opened refrigerator giving the kitchen a source of light, there she saw the intensity of Kara’s blue eyes looking directly at her.q

She wants to run, but she sucks at direction and doesn’t know whether she should run upstairs and lock herself in her room for the remainder of Kara’s stay or if she should run to the waiting arms of one Kara Danvers, whose eyes were pleading her to forgive. 

Lena Luthor is also a coward. Instead of getting that glass of water she really wants, she cannot take Kara’s presence. It’s either she embraces Kara or pushes her away for good. She cannot decide and so she ran away, upstairs to her room she locks the door and she cries herself to sleep. While the Kryptonian downstairs went to the guest room and looked to the ceiling, wondering what it would take for Lena to forgive her, even for just a little.

Kara wakes up from an almost three-hour sleep. How could she sleep when the rain was so heavy and the thunder it brought was tumultuous? 

But there was no rain last night. What kept her quite awake was the sobs she heard that were so loud she could only blame herself for making that happen. The previous nights of the week weren’t like that; she was able to calm herself with the sound of the crickets outside or the sound of the old lady humming in the house down the street. There was always something to keep her calm during the whole week.

Unfortunately, not for the things that are unfolding infront of her right now. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay? It’s raining so heavily, Rory,” Lena’s voice was as soft as a hummingbird. She cannot help but to dig her nails deeper into the dining chair she is leaning into. She could see how Lena smiled at the front door from her position in the kitchen.

“Thanks to you Thorul, I’ll be able to open the store again, so no need man!” Riordan was smiling at Lena, too. Too sweet for Kara’s liking, if she were to describe it. 

And her nails are denting the chair, slowly… until multiple cracks made Lena turn back to her. Kara met her eyes before it went down to the broken pieces of wood in Kara’s hand- the dining chair was destroyed.

“I… I’m so- I’m so sorry, Lena. I will - I’m gonna fix this… wait oh- oh…” Kara was stuttering as she realizes what just happened and what she just did. 

“When did it get back?” The tone was so serious that Kara just looked at her. Lena didn’t even hear Rory go, the curiosity about Kara filling up her mind. 

“I’m so sorry, Lena. I - I didn’t know… I…” Kara puffed off air as she tried to calm herself, tears starting to form on her eyes. “... I felt it come back last week.” 

It was as if a switch turned off on Lena and everything inside her suddenly fell apart. Kara lied to her. Again. And it’s even more painful right now because this would mean that Kara will go now. 

The rain was pouring heavily but Lena didn’t mind it as she ran to go outside the house and away from Kara. She felt herself go instantly drenched as the big drops of water met her. She hears Kara behind her, running and not even using her super speed.

“How long will you continue lying to me, Kara?!” she turns back, surprising the also already wet Kryptonian with her shout.  “Why do you keep making me feel like a fool?!” 

“I’m so sorry, Lena! I just wanted to stay with you… I figured that if I didn’t tell you that I got my powers back, I could stay… Rao , I liked living without them…” Despite the loud raindrops, she could still hear Kara’s pleading voice. 

“JUST STOP! GO AWAY, KARA-”

“Lena, no! I don’t want to go away from you! It’s the same reason why I was so scared of telling you I’m Supergirl. I want to still be you friend-”

“I DON’T WANT YOU HERE- GO!”

They couldn’t see each other clearly and only a lamppost meters away from them was the one giving some light. But Kara can still feel the pain of what Lena says. Every word from Lena was poison for both of them. As the heavy rain fell, so were the tears from the two women. Kara could feel her insides bursting from pain.

“I LOVE YOU!” it startled them both. But Kara needed to say it, and Lena needed to hear it. 

“NO! STOP, KARA-”

“I love you, Lena. I didn't know when it began or if it's there from the moment I met you,” Kara started. Lena was shaking her head, obviously not believing every word the heroine is saying. “... I wouldn't know… All I know is that I love you. I am irrevocably in-love with you, Lena Luthor,” They have stopped running and Kara was making her way towards the scientist. There is a calcated rhythm she follows at every step. “...and I am standing here, with my heart all-broken but arms so open… Because all I want is to be with you.”

“I couldn't stay in National City because home is where you are. I love... Rao , I love you so -"

“KARA, JUST STOP-” the blonde was already inches away from Lena, but she was stopped at arm’s length when the scientist pushed her away. “STOP THIS, I HATE THIS!  I HATE IT SO MUCH, I HATE YOU... I HATE-” at every word she says Lena kept pushing Kara away, but the heroine managed to catch her hands before she could utter again, pulling the woman into her arms and embracing her.

Lena felt Kara’s warmth for the first time again and she feels all the walls she had built over the last months slowly crumble to pieces. This makes her feel safe, and it always feels like home.

“Why did you do this to me, Kara?... Why…” Lena sobbed into Kara’s chest, not fighting back anymore. 

“I’m so sorry, I love you so much, Lena. I just want to keep you… All I ever wanted was you, my love… I’m so sorry.”

“Your persona... You let Lex use you against me... why, Kara, why?” the blonde tightened her hug as she felt Lena cry even more. They didn’t mind the harshness of the rain as they cried in each other’s arms. “...you let him use my greatest weakness, my feelings- everything I feel for you against me… why did you let that happen, Kara?" Lena sobbed harder than she did last night. Kara could only whisper I’m so sorry and I love you as she kisses Lena on her temple.

Between the kisses and the whimpers, Lena found her sanctuary. The thing she has been waiting for months- the weightlessness of her heart. To be able to say every pain and hatred in her to the person she wants the most made her heart a little lighter.

“Kara…” the brunette’s voice was imploring. 

“I don't want this… I don't want this anymore. i don’t want us to be like this anymore, Kara,” It was the ultimate surrender for the scientist, and Kara sobbed as she heard it. It felt like everything she did for the last eight months has led to this point.

“Me too, baby… me too,” Kara kisses Lena’s wet hair again before the brunette moves and looks up. Her eyes were blood red as she met Kara’s gaze for the first time since the embrace. Kara’s hand instantly found the other woman’s cheeks, wiping the continuous drops of rain from one side of her face. “...Can we talk inside the house?” Lena couldn’t help but to chuckle despite the tears in her face. She then shrieked when Kara suddenly gripped her waist and lifted her up in a bridal carry. As they made their way to the house, she looked at Kara and realized that all she wanted in her life is kara; and to have kara in her life is to forgive her.

They were able to dry themselves and change clothes: one using superspeed and the other is currently doing it while Kara prepares a hot beverage for the both of them. The rain outside becomes a little lighter, just like the feelings of everyone inside the new Luthor household. Kara can hear the footsteps of Lena getting closer to the staircase as she transfers the hot drink into two separate cups. The drink was ready when Lena made her way into the kitchen. With a still reddish pair of eyes, she met the blonde’s gaze. 

“I love you…” Kara was about to drink from her cup when Lena spoke. She straightened the cup and slowly put it down to the counter to hear more of the brunette’s confession. “... that's why it hurts so much- why I left National City and why I cut you all off in my life. Kara, I couldn’t bear to lose you… but more so I couldn’t lose myself. So I left…” Kara again walked towards Lena, immediately reaching for the scientist’s hand.

“I can't go through this again, Kara. Please don’t make me go through this again–"

“I can stay here, Lena…” the blonde starts. Her thumb softly rubs circles over Lena’s hand. “I won't ask you to go back… but I'm asking you to not push me anymore. Let me in, Lena.” The sincerity in Kara’s voice is something that makes the brunette’s heart palpitate. “I hurt you before and I know it's big for me to ask… but please let me in. Rao , I love you so much and I will stay where you are.” 

“We could have a bigger house than this or even a smaller one, we could have a kid or two, maybe with pets too.” Kara’s hands traveled to the scientist’s face, caressing her cheeks as she narrates her plans. “...but I am never leaving your side. I am yours, Lena. I think I have always been yours." When Lena reached for the blonde’s face too, Kara leaned into the scientist’s touch, acknowledging her surrender and giving back everything she tries to give.

“Oh, Kara…” the brunette whispered as their foreheads touched. This was the closest they have been in since the reveal, and it makes them weak. And when Kara finally claims her lips with her own, she grabs onto the heroine for leverage. The blonde pulls her waist closer, gently smashing their bodies together as they share a kiss, something they should have done years ago. Lena sighed when the gap between them closed completely; from that moment, she was healed a little. 

The night ended with the two of them in each other’s arms, bunched in the whites of Lena’s bedroom mattress as they whispered future plans and how they would overcome some of their personal issues. The rain slowly stopped while they were sleeping and the ground became completely dry by the time the woke up the next morning. 

“I’m jealous of Rory,” Kara leaned into Lena to capture her lips to a morning kiss. She heard Lena chuckle into her lips, unbelievability laced in it. 

“Darling… he is a brother to me,” when Lena snuggled into her more, Kara wanted it to not end.

And they tried for it to not end.

Kara went back to National City for a while to manage the end of her alliance with the DEO. Alex tried to talk her out of it but she explained how she finally got what she wants and how she wants to lay down the cape. Her sister let her go as Kara promised to call regularly and to take care of herself all the time. 

Her job at Catco was also vacated, citing a migration as the reason for permanently resigning. The lease of her apartment was also written off, and as the last of her personal things was moved to the airport and to one of the brunette’s private jet- she knew she would come to Lena. 

As Lena’s face lights up as she sees her from afar in the airport of Northern Ireland, Kara wouldn’t ever want to leave. When another rented sedan was used to pick her up, she held Lena’s hand as they drove off. She kissed Lena’s lips as they drove through the coastline freeway, overlooking the ocean on the passenger’s side; and when the big red Lynburgh sign welcomes them, Kara thinks that love really is forgiving.