Chapter Text
I wish I could have a fun reason for my delay. I feel like it's kind of a running joke at this point that Ao3 authors will be like "Sorry there haven't been updates guys I got hit by a car and gave birth!"
Well, neither of those have happened to me. In fact, my excuse probably sounds silly, but...
I haven't been able to provide updates recently because my OCD has been taking over my life in a major way. I feel like I have been drving everyone in my life away recently because of it... It's been hard for me to step foot outside my house because my intrusive thoughts are convinced something bad will happen. It's impossible to finish a task; I have to do it over and over and over again because my intrusive thoughts tell me it needs to be absolutely one hundred percent perfect.
And it's affected my writing. I've put works on the Internet before, but they were crackfic, not meant to be taken seriously. So it was fine. But this is my first serious story. And, well, I say serious, but, at the same time I kinda was making things up as I went, figuring things out with each update, and didn't really have a plan or roadmap. And I was having fun with it.
But in the last few months my OCD has just been really severe and I'm literally rewriting my story from the beginning because it has to be perfect, it has to be, it has to be, and I can't move forward or make new updates until I've rewritten everything that's there. I've already changed the first three chapters on ao3 despite the rest of it being completely unchanged which is INSANE i know.
I even changed the cover art because I don't like the original cover art of bruce and Selina playing chess but.... I don't really like the new cover art because it's not perfect and I feel like if I shared it with you guys my brain would punish me for it so you guys probably will never see it yippee.
I will say there's one good thing that has come out of this is that I think I might add OCD to Bruce's character. I feel like dude definitely has OCD. As Batman, he has a constant fear of crime which imo can be an obsessive thought. And he also doesn't tolerate failure which is OCD coded. Idk probably kinda a reach. Besides he isn't even Batman in this fanfic it's an AU soooo idk. Maybe not. I just struggle writing his character so much because I don't really find him relatable but maybe if he had a trait I had I could relate to him. Idk maybe I'm just talking out of my ass lol.
I want to thank everyone who engaged with this work at all. I think that is the one thing that reminds me that sometimes my OCD is wrong. Because I'm in the middle of rewriting everything right now but I've actually paused because, well, people liked the way my fic was before when it was "bad". You guys engaged with it. You left kudos and comments. You bookmarked it. Idk it's kept me from going scorched earth and just deleting everything.
Anyways I just wanted to update you guys. Sorry it's not super positive but I felt like you guys deserved to know what was going on!