Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“☜︎☠︎❄︎☼︎✡︎ ☠︎🕆︎💣︎👌︎☜︎☼︎ ❄︎🕈︎☜︎☠︎❄︎✡︎ ❄︎🕈︎⚐︎📬︎

📬︎📬︎📬︎

✋︎ 😐︎☠︎⚐︎🕈︎ ✡︎⚐︎🕆︎📬︎

📬︎📬︎📬︎

🕈︎☜︎ ☟︎✌︎✞︎☜︎ 💣︎☜︎❄︎📬︎

💧︎👍︎✌︎❄︎❄︎☜︎☼︎☜︎👎︎ ✌︎👍︎☼︎⚐︎💧︎💧︎ ❄︎✋︎💣︎☜︎ ✌︎☠︎👎︎ 💧︎🏱︎✌︎👍︎☜︎📪︎ 🕈︎☜︎ 😐︎☜︎☜︎🏱︎ 💣︎☜︎☜︎❄︎✋︎☠︎☝︎📬︎

📬︎📬︎📬︎

🕈︎☟︎✡︎✍︎

📬︎📬︎📬︎

👎︎✌︎☼︎😐︎☜︎☼︎ ✡︎☜︎❄︎”

…

breathe in.

breathe out.

i look toward the tv.

Chapter Text

“-’completed their education at Columbia University, and attended their graduate program in state at Ebott University. Where they were awarded their doctoral degree in applied Anthropology’- Which! Uhm- Anthropology is the systematic study of humanity.”

“Wow-”

“Wow!”

“Well they’ve sure got the education to back up being- ya know- tasked with such a position.”

“Right-?” the people on the talk show laugh, and the bold icon in the corner of the screen tells me they're a part of the state news.

“Craziest thing- Is that their- They were only twenty three years old when they completed all of that.”

“You’re kidding.” they laugh, and gawk, and gossip. which recently i’ve noticed is most of what humans do. they talk fast, and react big over nothing. something frisk didn’t do, at all.

tori, alph, undyne, and paps are all frozen in place, not making a sound like it’s a risk they’ll somehow disturb the people in the picture box. my eyes open and close blearily. no matter how much sleep i get, i swear it’s never enough.

i sit up, and rub at my eye socket, still somewhat paying attention to the screen on the other side of the room. tori is the only one who owns a tv, so paps will frequently want to make these visits. since tori has made it a point to keep track of when the news updates, interviews.. etcetera.

“-twenty three and they speak-uhm- they speak four languages?”

“Yeah!”

“What are they taking??”

“I’ll have three!” the hosts burst out into laughter. it just sounds like learning languages is just another excuse to blabber for humans.

undyne chuckles under her breath at their joke, the energy in the room is uplifted by the talk shows uppity attitude. before i know it, a picture is slid into frame, a picture of the human joining us in a week.

their arms are wrapped tightly around another human, and their smiling bright, in exercise clothes. after this i turn away, crack my knuckles, and carefully slump out of my seat.

“This friday?”

“This friday.” she nods.

this friday.

“Whelp, at least the weather’s nice!-”

“Oh-”

“You stop it! Haha!” they all snicker.

“Well I pray for them.” my head turns back to the box.

“If anyone could assimilate those monsters into society-” my fists clench.

“- it’s them.”

Chapter Text

The drive there felt like it was straight out of a movie. This whole experience has.

My bag is tight to my left side, I cling to it, my fingers digging into the rough material. My other hand reaches for the smoothe black leather of my seat, and I caress it faintly while I stare out the car window. I watch the busy city streets, filled with people in support, and in protest of this act, turn into bare mountain trails.

It feels like I’ve been holding my breath this entire time. This familiar anxiety holds a pit in my stomach, sinking me deeper and deeper into my seat. Yet the butterflies relentlessly bat their wings against my diaphragm. It reminds me of the first time I went into the field, when I was working on my thesis. Although then, I had gone on a plane, and then… I wasn’t about to make this big of a mark on history.

I have worked my ass off since day one to be something extraordinary, to do something extraordinary. And now that I’m here, it feels completely unreal. Everything has felt so startlingly new since this morning. The outfit I had picked, the breakfast I had planned, and every hair on my head was somehow completely wrong. I’ve never spent more time on my appearance than I did today.

Normally when I’m this nervous I’d at least have my leg bouncing up and down to release some of my built up energy. But I can’t even move now.

I feel so still, not scared. But frozen.

The vehicle eventually rolls to a stop, parking on the right side of the road. The locks on the doors click, and that's my sign to get out.

I take what is possibly the shakiest, deepest breath of my life, I reach for the handle, and yell a thank you to the driver as I exit.

Immediately I’m hit with the cold and crisp mountain air, subconsciously tensing my shoulders at the soft wind blowing against my face. I knew it would be cold, but the stark difference between the warm car, and the cool air threw me for a loop. I hadn’t even realized that I had already closed the car door, and the driver had sped off.

I finally exhale the breath I had been holding the entire ride. But the tightness in my chest remains.

My next challenge stands tall in front of me. Once I open my eyes, my face follows up the trunks of the trees, and by the time I visually reach the top- I am looking directly above myself.

Above the canopy of leaves, the clouds disentangle and reveal the beguiling aurora colors of the sunrise. Time pauses for just a moment.

Once I lower my head, my view fixates on the path in front of me. Well- more assumed or expected path. Hiking is a common hobby in the state, and I’m used to it. But I’m used to there at the very least being a beaten trail leading me to the end destination of a waterfall or lookout or other…

But all that's in front of me is the ruffage of the forest, the effect of nature being left untouched besides a paved road for passerbyers, and the small red mailbox that served as the bridge of communication between us and them for so many months. My heart starts to beat faster in my chest, realizing that I’m barely a twenty minute walk away from what might possibly be the most relevant thing to ever happen to me.

I’ve never seen a monster…

And yet.. somehow, despite every instinct in my body screaming for me to run in the opposite direction, I take my first step.

Chapter Text

taking a few steps out of the house i look up and the sun blinds me, making me squint and point my head down to the beaten path. i like the sun, and after moving down here i’ve finally found out what those tinted glasses are for. i’m not sure if he would have liked the sun, whoever “he” is heh. right?

i laugh to myself, but it wasn’t really funny.

paps asked something of me this morning, i can’t really remember what, i think it was something about the queen, although i reminded him she doesn’t like being called the queen anymore, ya know? i’m so tired, but once again sleep is an impossible thing for me. doesn’t matter too much anyways, i know it’s an excitable day for every monster in town ‘cause of that human, but it’s not like I’m the main monster involved in that. if i have the energy I can go in the back, or maybe make my way back underground and take a nap there. despite it being loads of fun up here on the surface, the underground still feels like home.

at this point i’ve gotten lost in my thoughts, not that I’m thinking about much. i just think about day to day life, and laugh to myself about jokes i’ve made in an effort to keep me afloat. another monster fell down recently, and it made me think “seriously? we have everything we want, and you just let yourself turn to dust?” but i guess i’m being kinda hypocritical by saying that. if i had the same chance maybe i would too. but paps would be too crushed, and i’m too young for a monster for that to even be a possibility… i never got to ask frisk how human.. aging worked.. maybe i can-

“Sans!”

“SANS!”

i startle, looking to the side of the kitchen table where my bro, and tori stand. gonna be completely honest, i totally forgot i came here.

“YOU LAZY BONES!!!” my brother starts, with that usual comforting twang in his voice. “SANS. THE QUEEN WAS ASKING YOU A QUESTION!” his sockets are wide and dramatic as he makes quick glances between me and her.

“Papyrus, I believe I’ve already asked you not to refer to me as such! As much as I may work with Asgore-”

“NONSENSE! HER MAJESTY SHOULD BE TREATED WITH THE UTMOST RESPECT!!” while they’re talking, the question she asked catches up to me.

“which do you wanna go with more, tor?”

“I haven't the faintest idea, I wish I could have sent the human some letters asking which they prefer, but Alphys thought it best if the themes of the letters only centered around- erm- official business.”

“THE KING AND ROYAL SCIENTIST ARE BUSY BUSY MEN..” papyrus tuts, shaking his head sadly.

“... isn’t alphys a girl-?”

“Oh Papyrus, I’m sorry to bring up the letters, I know you enjoyed delivering them so much.” tori pats a flour covered paw on his shoulder, dusting his royal guard attire with the powder.

“DO NOT FRET YOUR MAJESTY!!” papyrus stands proudly, puffing out his chest in a way that was certainly knightly, even inspiring.

“BECAUSE I!!! CAPTAIN OF THE ROYAL GUARD!! …………. DON’T KNOW WHAT I WILL DO WITHOUT IT!!” his posture sinks, and he places his skull in his gloved hands as he lets out a sad “nyo-ho-hooo..”

“awh bro, i’m sure the king will give you other things to do.”

“Maybe you’ll even be helping the anthropologist directly!” oh i’d hate that.

“REALLY..? YOU THINK SO?”

“i mean.. you did so well with the kid so.. yeah?”

“YOU.. YOU.. YOU’RE RIGHT!!” papyrus jumps up, stars in his eyes as the passion ignites again in his soul.

“I CAN’T BE HERE JUST MOPING AROUND WHEN THE NEW HUMANS ARRIVAL IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER!! I MUST!!!! PREPARE!!!!” my brother sprints for the door, opening it before rushing out and slamming it closed, leaving the hung pictures and paintings on the wall clattering.

…

“... so did you-”

“AND THANK YOU FOR BREAKFAST YOUR MAJESTY!” he yells, the sound muffled from outside.

“You’re.. Welcome?!” tori yells back, looking a little caught off guard.

“did he even have breakfast?”

“He came in with a pack of spaghetti, threw it in the oven for fifteen minutes, and then covered the burnt bits with jam.”

i glance to the plate of his uneaten “breakfast.”

“man, my bro is so cool.” we both laugh. “so did ya pick?”

“No, not yet. I just wonder what humans more widely.. Enjoy. Butterscotch or cinnamon apple pie? I mean, the apples are the easy part. We have so many of them!” i smile remembering the apple tree covered forest we came across when we first emerged from the underground. there are apples in everything now.

“tibia honest with you tor, i’m sure they’ll enjoy whatever you make for for ‘em.”

“Oh how humerus.” tori rolls her eyes, but we’re both chuckling. things are quiet for a second.

“I do hope they’ll enjoy it here… from what I’ve seen on the news- humans don’t..” She takes a breath, kneading the dough. “Well they weren’t all too happy with the broken barrier, haha.”

“mhm.” i nod. “I appreciate you telling paps.. there’s only that one.. news station.”

“Of course… Although-” she pauses. “I feel bad for lying.”

“i get that, but I’m sure you could imagine how crushed he’d be- ya know- knowing that most humans on the surface kinda hate us.” I say, leaning back in my chair.

“he loves.. humans. at least- the humans he actually knows. he loves.. the kid. that kind of human.” tori hums in response, and when i look back up at her, that sorrowful look is painted all over her face. frisk was practically ripped from her arms, the cries from those moments seem to haunt her whenever the kid is mentioned.

“It’s funny.. I have this hope maybe.. They.. will know something about where they are. My poor, poor, child.”

i didn’t know how to respond.

“well, at least we won’t have to keep such a close eye on this new human.” it’s a mindless comment, but tori turns hesitantly towards me. she gives me this.. look. and i chuckle. maybe nervously.

“Everyone needs someone looking out for them.” she starts, turning back to the counter. “I’d hope you’d be included in that too.” my eyes search her expression, but I’m not sure what i’m looking for. my brow bone furrows.

“yeah…” i mumble, but the comment sticks to me.

i think back to the people scrambling, monsters wanting to make a good impression. but i feel nothing towards it, like it’s something i’ve experienced before but can never be sure i have.

“Ugh!” tori huffs out. “I’m all out of butterscotch.” she grabs a different bottle from a cabinet to her left.

“It will have to be cinnamon.” she says pointedly. i rest my skull in my hands and laugh lazily.

“guess it was meant to be.”

if only anything was.

Chapter Text

This is possibly the worst hike I’ve ever taken.

As an experienced climber, I’ve never had any trouble making my way through rough terrain, in fact I’d dare to say I’d normally go out of my way to take the harder path. But here, every step I take just to trip on one of the uneven rocks- makes me question if I’m even going the right way.. Makes me question if I should just run back.

This would usually be a beautiful hike if the weight of thousands of anthropologists' hopes and dreams wasn’t crushing me, I think. And panting, I think back to the comfort of the air conditioned, government vehicle I was in. The path now, I’m sure, has sullied the professional air I walked out with, and the fresh dirt on my knees isn’t helping. In the news, the picture they used to display the face of the “new frontier” was taken right after I got assigned to this project. I'm sweaty from the trail me and my friend had gone on, but at least now the monsters will be able to easily recognize me from the sweat stains.

I can tell from how the sun is now beating on my back, it’s been over half an hour. Fragments of sunlight peak through the leaves and pine needles of the trees, but the heat of the new spring sun is enough to strip me of my jacket.

After what feels like ages, a large clearing opens up, and when I enter I am eternally grateful to be standing on stable ground. The euphoria of it is just enough to distract me from the figure in the distance.

…
I’ve come to the clearing before their village.

…

I hadn’t realized how close I was.

Adrenaline rushes through me, so much so, my heart beats in my ears.

I continue forward, keeping a steady pace to approach the entrance. Which I now realize is a large open gate with an arch above that reads “OUR HOME” written in solid white lettering. It's welcoming, and… perfect.

The walls beside the gate- I assume acting as the border to their village- are lined with bright golden flowers, and covered with vines. Looking back to the figure, I realize I must have looked as if I was awkwardly avoiding eye contact, and gawking at their home. The frighteningly tall goatman turns to the smaller, yellow monster, and said monster runs off back towards their home. My brow furrows slightly, I hope I didn’t scare them off.

As much as his height may alarm me, what’s currently putting me at ease is the pink Hawaiian shirt, and khaki shorts he’s wearing. He’s even wearing sandals. Very dad-esque. I can already feel my natural curiosity swelling inside my chest, the innate ability I have for questions, and the passion I feel from learning is up and ready to go as soon as it hits me..

I’m here.

I don’t know what to say now that I’m a few steps away, but randomly I blurt out- “Hot one, isn’t it?” And I flinch inside, what a human thing to say.

“We can’t get enough of it!” He laughs, and the sound instantly eases my doubts over my not thought through introduction. I smile and pick up my pace to meet him.

“Howdy!”

“Hello!” I offer my hand at the goatman's greeting, and it's immediately engulfed in his large, furry, paw. I brace for the impact of him going to shake, but he instead does so tentatively, like he’s very much aware how much strength he holds.

“I am Asgore, I was the one exchanging letters to the other humans!” He beams. “And you must be..”

“The anthropologist.” I say, and he puts his other paw over mine and gives one more shake.

“Yes, yes.” Laughing, he recounts my name, and it sounds like a little tune he’s practiced before. The syllables dance in my mind. The same as his greeting. ‘How-dee.’
“It is nice to meet you.” He releases my hand with that, straightening his posture. I hadn’t even noticed he was leaning down until he stood straight up.

“Everyone has been buzzing about all day, waiting to meet you. We haven’t had much face to face interactions with humans since our ambassador-” The words get caught in his throat, his eyes shift away from me for a moment.

“Well,” He sighs. “It has been a while.”

“Of course.” I replied. Frisk, the appointed ambassador for the monsters, was stripped away from them as soon as it was discovered that monsters were in “possession” of a human child. Rumors and stories quickly spread on the news of what they had done to Frisk, but most of it has been disproven. My education has done me good by not taking those things at face value, but it’s hard not to let my mind wander.

“Before we go, I’m sure in the letters they went over the guidelines I am under compliance to follow, being a part of the American Anthropology Association, yes?” He nods in reply.

“Great, and one of those is if I am interviewing anyone I will have to obtain informed consent before I do so, for every interview I conduct. Any questions about that?” A shake of his head at that.

“Although I am technically working for the government, in our contract, it was agreed that I was able to observe at all times, and use any and all knowledge gained from those observations, for my monthly reports. Was that something discussed with everyone?” My brow raises.

“...Lightly.”

I laugh a bit. “Alright, I’ll make sure to be very clear with all of this during the presentation later, and my door will always be open for questions.” Relief flows through his expression, and his shoulders lax.

“Thank you. Now please, come, I will show you our home.” He turns. “Are you ready?”

My gaze shifts forward.

“As I’ll ever be.”

Chapter Text

glancing into the town center, i see monsters from everywhere buzzing with anticipation. everyone is questionably chatty, but taking a listen it turns out that that human went essentially door to door with Asgore. they introduced themselves to anyone who was around, which was.. basically everyone.

i took a nap, not that it did much.

alphys though, spent the entire day sending my brother out on “special-missions” for the human. i was uncomfortable when paps told me, until i realized the “special-mission” for the human was making him decorate the entire venue. looking at it, he did a pretty good job. i chuckle lightly at the large hung banners that read “WELCOME!!!!!” in rushed writing. some of the exclamation points are even scribbled off the poster and onto the wall behind it.

alphys texted me earlier that paps practically begged her to be assigned the seat next to the human. but she insisted that him being the captain of the royal guard, he’d have to keep watch at the door. probably for the best.

i look back to the posters, and my sockets grow heavy. it doesn’t really matter how welcoming we are… humans hate our non-existent guts. freaks of nature, that’s what they plaster on the news, i’m just glad paps doesn’t have to see it. it’d shatter his soul i’m sure.

despite the depressing things i’m thinking about, that comical smile stays glued to my face while strolling casually through the hustle and bustle. alas, monsters are quick to swarm around me, all having something to say about the face of the “new frontier.”

“Saannnnssyyy~!” oh boy.

“The new human is quite the looker, don’t-cha think~??”

“They gave me PETS! And I didn’t even see ‘em!!!!”

“The human was sweaty… JUST LIKE THE PICTURE!!!”

“fellas, fellas!” i put my hands up, hushing the small crowd. “trust me i’ve been thinking about the human too, but i’m not jumping out of my skin over it!”

“oh wait-!” buh-dum tsh. they roar and howl with laughter, smiles wide as they use each other as supports to keep them from all falling over. i swear half my puns aren’t even that funny, but i’m glad they’re making at least someone laugh.

“Alright, settle down…” Asgore’s voice cuts through the initial liveliness. “Now we are going to get started in a few minutes-“

“well you know i hate to rib us apart.. but I’m gonna have a skele-ton to deal with if i don’t find my table.” the monsters around can barely hold back their snorts and chortles as i sneak away. and my grin widens with another successful pun-filtration.

my seat ends up being towards the front left of the stage, and taking a look at the name tags next to mine, undyne and.. tori. oh yeah. my soul wells with that tang of excitment, it’s going to be a punny night indeed.

i’m cut off from my thoughts when my nasal bridge reflexively twitches, and the scent of warm cinnamon makes me turn.

“hey tori.”

“Hello Sans, I see you’re my table mate for the night!” setting the pie on the table, she turns to me. “It will certainly be a... humerus night, will it not?” we both chuckle, shoulders bouncing.

“hey you already used that one today, no repeats!” i shake my head, and my cheekbones tighten.

“No repeats? Where has your funny bone gone huh?”

“don’t go jumping to bone-clusions, i just prefer a fresh set of puns once in a while.”

“That one was awful!” she snorts, only pushing me further into pun madness.

“maybe your jokes are just marrow-minded.” thats it, she throws her head back in laughter, and I snicker a bit myself.

“OH MY GOD!! THAT’S ENOUGH PUNS FOR A LIFETIME!!!” undyne buts in and slams her hand on the table, but it’s not enough to stop tori from sneaking in chuckles here and there.

“i can’t help it undyne, tori here is a bone-afide genius.” toriel practically keels over with laughter, and undyne throws me an annoyed look. at least one person in the world will always love my puns.. no matter what timeline it’s in.

“Now now, thank you all for coming, I know it’s been an exciting day for everyone-“ Asgore takes the stand as people take their seats, i follow tori and slump into my chair.

the stage lights beam off the stage, illuminating it, and a small projector screen behind. the first slide of the presentation reads “UNIFY EBOTT” in bold letters, with the name of the human in the subtext below. their name starts with “Dr.” right, doctorate in anthropology. i’ve started to learn that humans will study anything at this point. i feel the need to throw a joke about not seeing this humans name until it’s in tiny text on some device, but i keep it to myself. and as Asgore ends his rambling, there’s some applause, and the human enters.

bright.. and formal. those are the first things that come to mind, not that i’m paying too much attention. but that’s alli need to know everything about them.

“Hi there! My name is-“ and maybe a bit friendly, paps will probably like them, but he likes everyone. there’s most likely a layer of hatred beneath the positive attitude, even if it’s faint. it’s plain bias.

“Well, we’ve got many things to discuss tonight. So let’s get started with-“ i tune out quickly from the presentation after that, smile still, but zoning out as much as possible. trying to look present but not being present at all. paps and alphys will talk my lack of ears off after all this anyways, i’ll catch from them what i missed. besides, humans are obsessed with having too much filler in speeches like this. get to the point.

i don’t know what possessed humans to send one of their yes-men just to study us and get the same answer. they’re monsters! no duh buddy. we’ve got perfectly good scientists and years of history books that we could have just sent them. not that they would have believed a word any of us would have said. we already prove literally no threat to them, humans are ten times stronger than us. if not a hundred times. i get the whole ”we want to see it for ourselves” stuff, but they could have just left us alone to live here. then no one is bothering anyone. they already took frisk, isn’t that enough punishment for just existing?

it pisses me off.

this human pisses me off.

especially that in the end none of it is going to even matter.

…

i’m brought back to reality by the sudden silence of the room. focusing my pinpricks on what’s in front of me, the human is looking right.. at.. me.

…

my brow bone furrows, and my smile falters. i shift slightly in my seat.

“Uhm- S-Sorry, excuse me-“ they shake it off, looking back to the screen. the skin on their face shifting to a light red. what the hell was that?

it was only for a second, but in that moment it felt like forever. is there something on my face?

i don’t look up after that, i don’t know what it was about that look.. maybe it wasn’t even at me. i mean, i’m not even the most odd looking monster here. and why did their face… change color after that? i knew it could change after a human got hurt.. with the bruises on frisk. but… pink.. red?

something in my soul races for the rest of the presentation.

i hid it well though.

i hope.

Chapter Text

I’m sweating and my heart is pounding as I withdraw from the podium and make my way off the stage. What a rush! No matter how many times I present in front of people, I’m always thrown back to when I was defending my dissertation. Now that was a presentation to stress out about. A person on the board watching was also an ethics committee member for the A.A.A. And with my dissertation being on some of the anthropology work I did for my thesis… It was stressful. To say the least.

I really hope I was clear and concise enough during the presentation, maybe I said “uhm” too much? Maybe I made too many jokes? Is that possible? A large paw on my shoulder interrupts my rapid thoughts, and I’m pulled into a fluffy bear hug.

“That was remarkable!” Asgore smiles before releasing me. My head spins, I was not expecting a hug so soon.

“Thank you, although it was just a power-point.” I chuckle.

“You were a natural.” I turn to see another large goat.. woman? She’s wearing a modest purple sundress, but in comparison to Asgore, she’s wearing no shoes. They look remarkably similar, and I feel the need to ask if they’re related, but I don’t think that’s my place.

“Oh, thank you! It’s a skill of mine that could definitely use some work.” I reach out my hand, and give her my name, before I notice the pie she’s holding carefully in her hands. It smells like absolute heaven.

“Toriel, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” She rests the pie on her hip, and uses her spare hand to shake mine. Her mannerisms in the way she greets me is close to Asgores as well, now I really want to say something.

“Sorry, I don’t mean to assume, but are you two related?” An awkward look overtakes their expressions, probably should have kept my mouth shut. I wince, and I go to take back the comment, but they both talk over me.

“It’s quite personal-” “Well she used to be-” They both chuckle uncomfortably.

“In a way, we are.” Toriel speaks up. “Although we had… have, colliding opinions on actions done in the past for the monsters of the underground.”

“Couldn’t have said it better, Tori!” Toriel throws what I can only describe as an irascible look, almost coming off as a warning to the taller monster. Asgore shrinks away from her with a comical level of fear.

“My apologies, I didn’t realize it was a sensitive matter.” I mumble, Toriel nods.

“I brought you this!” Switching the subject quickly, she bears the pie in front of me. It looks flat out amazing, the crust on top is woven into what looks like a basket weave. It’s beautifully done, perfectly golden brown. A part of my being feels a little fear towards trying it, but it looks like any other human food. The FDA actually did testing on a few samples of food they sent before I came here… and found that humans can safely eat any food made by monsters. The interesting thing is that what makes up the majority of their food items is magic. They still discovered organic material in the food, but the amount of magic in contrast to organic matter would vary depending on the product.

“I was hoping that was for me!” I smile widely, hoping I don’t sound too greedy. But she returns my beaming smile.

“I’m so glad! I figured if you were to stay with me I should start with a warm and tasty welcome.” That had totally slipped my mind.

“You’re Toriel Dreemurr!” The realization hits me like a brick wall, am I just obsessed with embarrassing myself today?

“Oh my gosh, I just barely connected the dots, excuse me- Everything has been happening so fast, I can barely keep up.” I sigh loudly at myself, laughing lightly at the absurdity of life today. I haven’t been in the field forever, the last month has just been paperwork day and night, and training… so much training.

“If I had to take on a task as big as this I’d be the same way as well.” Asgore comments.

“You are completely fine, it has been an unreasonably busy day.” She laughs reassuringly, like a mother would.

I’ve been so focused on the people in front of me, I hardly noticed the flood of monsters crowding around me. If all my social interactions are going to go the same embarrassing way I just spoke with Toriel… I’ll never get through talking to all these people. I think Asgore sees the growing overwhelm as my eyes scan over the turnout of monsters, and he rests his paw on my shoulder once more.

“Don’t feel like you have to take on everything at once.” He says, a gentle reminder that relaxes my previously rigid posture. Right, I can take things at my pace, and everyone knows Asgore so this will be a piece of cake-!

“YOUR MAJESTATIS!!!” A tall nonanatomic skeleton bolts through the crowd, shoving people out of the way as he jumps and dives like a dolphin towards us. “HEAD OF THE ROYAL GUARD COMING THROUGH!!”

I am dumbfounded by the monster I am greeted with, one who just bulldozed over people as if they were bowling pins. He comes to a skidded stop right in front of me. I may look absolutely shocked, but I’m quick to offer him my hand.

“Uhm- Hi there! I’m-” He practically snatches it and-

“OHMYGODIHAVEWAITEDSOLONGTOMEETYOUIWASTHEONEWHODELIVEREDALLTHOSELETTERSTHATWERESENTTOYOUBUTISWEARINEVEREVEREVERPEAKED-” This head of the royal guard is virtually shaking my entire body just from just my hand. When I imagined what Asgores hand shake would be like, this is more what I was expecting. Maybe it was fate that I’d get shaken about eventually. After a few seconds of me getting thrown around, Asgore is quick to pull him back.

“Papyrus! Papyrus!” The skeleton stops in his tracks, leaving me dizzy from his overly excited welcome. “Golly, I knew you were excited but not this excited!” He laughs, patting Papyrus on the back. It takes me a second to figure out which way is up again.

“APOLOGIES.” He stands straight up, like a soldier ready for battle. Or.. more handshakes.

“BUT I HAVE NOT TALKED TO A HUMAN IN SO LONG!!!” He clears his… Throat… Neck bone?? “I AM THE GREAT PAPYRUS, HEAD OF THE ROYAL GUARD!” Papyrus looks incredibly prideful at the title, his scarf blowing in the wind. Which is odd, because I feel no draft in here. I recount my name, although it’s difficult to remember anything with how hard this guy making my head hurt. How does one monster break the laws of physics… and somehow nature???

“Well it’s an absolute honor to meet such a..!” I struggle to find an adjective. “Prestigious..! Head of the royal guard!” I laugh painfully, I’ve met all sorts of personalities on all different sides of the spectrum today, but this one is probably the biggest. Which is somehow a huge understatement. Papyrus wells with visible joy at my clumsy compliment, so much so, I think for a split second he might explode. But he takes a deep breath… if that’s possible- and calms himself.

“OF COURSE YOU WOULD THINK OF ME AS PRESTIGIOUS, HUMANS HAVE AN AFFINITY FOR MY BRAVERY. AND COOL ARMOR.” As much as I was thrown off in the beginning by this skeleton, his character does contain a certain amount of charm I find myself drawn into. I feel lighter, and as much as he may be serious, he’s seriously making me laugh. Maybe I’ve found my first person to interview?

“I ALSO DECORATED EVERYTHING!! BUT I WONDER IF I USED AN APPROPRIATE AMOUNT OF STREAMERS…” He becomes contemplative, circling about himself while debating on if he used too many or too little streamers. There are streamers practically covering the walls.

As I look around the room with him, I catch a glance of another nonanatomic skeleton looming further behind the taller. His face is dark, despite the grin glued to it. It’s an incredibly intimidating sight… if I hadn’t been through worse. He’s staring right at me, sockets pitch black.

I meet his stare for a moment… and smile at him.

I know coming here not everyone will like me, but it doesn’t hurt to be kind to anyone and everyone. His expression falters, and that's when I turn my attention back towards papyrus.

“It looks lovely.” I say.

“WELL OF COURSE A HUMAN SUCH AS YOURSELF WOULD ADMIRE THE WORK OF THE GREAT PAPYRUS. WITH MY EVER INCREASING STANDARDS FOR PARTY DECOR- IT’S HARD NOT TO LOVE IT!!” His ability to dodge and take a compliment at the same time astounds me. I give him my name, but avoid offering my hand again, to protect my frail physics abiding body.

“Doctor, huh?” I shift to my left, and see a fish monster sporting a bright red ponytail, eyepatch, and leather jacket. It never ceases to amaze me the vast diversity between all monsters. I mean- Toriel and Asgore were the first I’d seen who look similar in any capacity!

“UNDYNE THIS IS-“

“Human, I gotta question for ya-“ Undyne shoves Papyrus out of the way, he tumbles back, flailing his arms to stay on his feet.

“I hear you humans say-“

“WAIT-“

”An apple a day-“

“NO-“

“Keeps the doctor away-” A mischievous grin appears on her face as she whips out a shiny honey crisp apple and practically shoves it in front of me. Papyrus is fighting, and taking large swipes at Undyne and the apple the whole time.

“HUMAN!! TAKE COVER!! PAPYRUS, HEAD OF THE ROYAL GUARD WILL DISARM THIS FIEND!!” Undyne is keeping him away with an incredible amount of ease, parrying every one of his hits with the apple still square in front of me. Ok, I see what’s happening. I go to grab the apple from her hand.

“Luckily, that saying only has to do with-“ Apparently me reaching for the apple was Papyrus’s last straw, because he makes a nose dive for the fruit and in a flash it’s gone.

“FOR YOUR SAFETY AND MINE I HAVE DECIDED TO EAT THIS!!!” A frightening sight is laid out before me, as Papyrus unsettlingly unhinges his jaw with a pop, and tosses the produce into a hole of nothingness. The shock on my face must be painfully obvious, because everyone around me starts looking very concerned. I’m assuming seeing Papyrus eat is not a normal occurrence for… anyone.

“I-I was going to say that only applies to doctors of… medicine. I’m an anthropologist.” God that was like a car crash, I can’t look away.

“OH.” He sweats, sounds muffled with his cheekbones stuffed with apple.

“NO PROBLEM THEN!” He leans over, and spits the apple back into my hand. I flinch, expecting the sliminess of saliva… But opening my eyes, the apple is exactly how it was when I held it in my hands a few seconds ago. Not even a bite mark. My mind is blown. I have so many questions and I just barely met this guy five minutes ago.

“Papyrus. Oh. My. God.” Undyne is barely holding back her chortles and chuckles, her shoulders bouncing lightly with amusement. The skeleton starts to blush, maybe nervously.

“Although-“ I cut in, all turning towards me.

“If you throw it hard enough…” Papyrus and Undyne take a side glance at each other. And before Undyne can do anything, Papyrus snatches it once more from my grip.

“HUMANITWASSONICETOMEETYOUBUTFORSAFETYREASONSI’MTAKINGTHISFARFARFAR AWAY-“ He books it for the door.

“PAPYRUS! This PIE also has apples in it!” Undyne shouts, which makes him turn on his heels and sprint back towards Toriel. In seconds, it’s gone from her hands.

“I’M SO SORRY YOUR MAJESTY!” He yells, and vanishes from the venue.

“Papyrus-! Oh goodness…” Toriel sighs, appearing very defeated. Undyne has buckled over with laughter at this point, flashing that sharp, toothy grin once more.

“Sorry Toriel, but I’m sure he’ll give it back!... Hopefully.” Undyne gives Toriel a sorry look.

“I’ll give him a visit tomorrow to get the pie back.” I say, feeling the funny sorrow of being pie-less after a long day.

“If it’s no problem.” Toriel smiles. “But of course, I can always just make you another.”

“I have to start my interviews first thing tomorrow anyways.” I fixate my gaze on the door where that frenzied skeleton took his exit.

“And Papyrus seems like a perfect candidate.”