Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The party was getting wilder by the minute. Joe Biden was twerking on Ice Spice's lap, Pewdipie started puking on the floor after seeing the Paul brothers making out after one too many drinks, and why the hell was Eminem there? With all the loud music and chatter, it's almost as if it was fate that these two had made eye contact.

Lady Gaga was so tired of being so famous and oh so rich. She wanted a moment away from all the paparazzi and all the "being famous" bullshit. This party was loud and she wasnt the center of attention like she wished she was, but at the same time it felt sort of nice, this feeling of isolation. She supposed she could handle a few minutes alone to herself. After all, this was what she craved, no? But still..
It would be nice if she could find someone to mingle. But everyone here was either old or a Ken. It was seriously so annoying.

But while she sipped her corona, Nikocado Avacodo had just entered Trump's house. He knew a party was going on, but he couldn't care less. He just needed a place to stay. After all, it wasn't everyday that your boyfriend of several years turned his back and started verbally abusing you so bad you had to leave the house.

The mukbang channels had been doing well for a while, but ever since Nik started gaining more and more weight, he found that his boyfriend had some..brown mom opinions about him. If he really didnt like him anymore, he could've just left the guy; but no. He stayed, just to taunt him and insult him. It broke Nik's heart. Sometimes when he'd do it in front of the camera, Nik would have to pause and beg him to leave the room so he could cry. Life was not easy for the kawaii uwu cinnamon roll boy. He had finally dumped Orlin after a comment about how being a dream stan was basically like being autistic because it had stung too hard. Dream was his only reason for going really, if you didnt count his yt channel that is. Orlin had always jabbed at him whenever he listened to 'Mask' on repeat. So what if he was a depressed gay minecraft loving ass? That was his life and no one else's; why did Orlin always have to judge him for it?

But Nik thought that if he was gonna be here, he was NOT going to think about that douche dude. He was gonna get drunk like hell and forget all about that tweedle dum for as long as possible. So he sniffled and walked inside, scrounging the room and staring at every eye present. He walked over to a nearby table at a corner and snatched a cup of beer from Kevin Leonardo (the nair guy)'s hand. He chugged the drink and ignored the guy when he asked what the fuck was wrong with him. Nik responded, "Everything." Kevin sighed heavily and walked away, leaving Nik to his own devices.

Homie decided to grab another cup before it happened- before he finally made eye contact with the one. The one who would end up changing his life for the better, to come around, to ease his mind yeah. Someone who would never give him up, never let him down. There, his chocolate brown orbs met multiple coloured ones that struck into his very core. He was, believe it or not, making eye contact..
..With Lady Gaga.
(Thats not very surprising since I mentioned her before but-)

Nik blushed furiously. Gaga was one of his favourite idols; maybe not as great as Dream, but still amazing in his eyes. Like, literally. She was absolutely stunning in the flesh. Nik felt absolutely inferior to her..
..and he kinda liked that.
It was different from Orlin. His degradation hurt like balls, whereas in this very moment, Nik thought he wouldnt much mind if Gaga were to step on his ass and call him a lazy dog boy. In fact, it kind of--

Nik's mind went haywire when Gaga winked across the room at him. She flashed him a toothy grin, and he blushed as hard as an avaca- I mean, tomato. He shook his head furiously in a pathetic attempt to get rid of the blush when Gaga started SIDLING UP TO HIM???? THERE WAS ABSOLUTELY NO FRICKING WA-

"Hey there, my little cheese monster." She purred in his ear, and her husky voice travelled straight to Nik's pants. His 1 inch shlong grew to 2, and he heaved a heavy breath. "Oh my god." He said in a raspy, yet deep voice. "I can't believe I'm seeing you for real."

Gaga chuckled like an alpha male boyfriend. "For real." She repeated. Nik felt the blood down under pulsing. This was bad. This was so, so horribly bad-

"I know you too." Gaga said, smirking at him. "You could even say im a fan of your content.''

"You-" Nik felt like he was gonna combust in many many ways. "You are?"

"Yeah. Cool isnt it? That we're both fans of each other?" Gaga said.

"Um-" Nik gulped. "Yeah, I guess so."

"But I do have one major complaint about your videos..." she whispered, tapping her fingers across his beefy (not muscular) arm. "It's that Orlin guy. You never seen happy when he's in a video. I feel like..." her arm travelled up to his chin. She pulled him up into a rizz, whatever that means.

"..I could be a better boyfriend than him."

"Holy shit." Nik breathed. "Did you just quote Dove Cameron?"

"What? No I didnt." Gaga said, suddenly serious. "I have no idea what youre talking about."

"Um, okay then."

"..."

"..."

"Wanna fuck?"

"Oh yes please."

They aggresively made out their way to one of the large ass bedrooms upstairs. Dont ask me why I just dont wanna write it.

"Im gonna ride your disco stick" Gaga said as she did in fact, ride his disco stick.

"AAAAUAIAIQOQIAJAJSIAOAKAIQ" Nik screamed. People outside laughed; it seemed like he was being too loud. But he couldnt really care when THE Lady Gaga was-

"Im coming ❤ at 13" Gaga said as she did in fact, come. They panted for a while.

"Bro u lied" Nik said. "Its 10 pm. You came at 10 pm."

"Whatever." Gaga rolled her eyes. She went down to kiss his temple. "Youre mine now, baby boy."

Nik smiled happily. Now this, this was what he always wanted out of a relationship.
Someone riding his disco stick.

Chapter Text

It was a disgustingly horrific summer day. Nik was casually staring at his girlfriend as she typed away on her computer. It couldn't be easy to choose which one of them was luckier.

After that spontaneous night of, um, uh- cooties, the two had decided to jump right into a relationship without waiting. Gaga didn't want to feel lonely anymore, and Nik felt safe with such a hot goth diva mommy by his side. But that was the thing.

Nik was a rather secretive person by nature, and they had only been dating for the past 2 weeks. He still hadn't told her about his angry alpha abusive ex, Orlin. He felt like he still needed more time. And oddly enough, as he lay staring at the famous pop star, he almost felt like telling her and opening up old wounds was just..unnecessary.

The phrase love is blind surely existed for a reason.

"Bro" Gaga said out of nowhere, smiling. "Wanna go to the park with me"

Nik blushed and came. "Yes sempai"

The two went out together hand in hand as they roamed through the park. As Nik watched a brown dog take a beautiful piss with his leg high and balls loose, a 60 smth year old man aggressively make out with a tree, he felt light on his feet. He smiled thinking, how did I ever get so lucky?

But just then, he bumped into big buff burly man chest. He looked up (he's 4'3) and saw...
Big bad alpha man.
He started crying uncontrollably on the spot.

"Holy shit Nik is that you" Orlin gasped. Gaga looked extremely confused, like omg wtf is this bitch doing here, am I right?

"Orlin please leave me alone" Nik pleaded. "Dont hurt me, dont hurt me no more-"

"Wtf he hurt you?" Gaga asked incredulously. "You never told me this"

"Well it was never physical but-''

''Nik, I've seen the videos of you aggressively mating with Gaga." Orlin said sadly. "And I just want you to know that I'm sorry for everything I've done to you before. I was-"

"Dont care, didnt ask" Gaga said as she punched him smack dab in the face. Orlin flew all the way to Mars and back. Gaga gritted her teeth like alpha female. "All that matters is that you pay for hurting my little marshmallow''

"But he apologized munchkin!" Nik said. "It's up to me if I decide to forgive him or not."

Gaga tsked like a cringe emo 15 yr old. "Fine. What's your choice?"

"I dont forgive him lol" Nik said. "That apology was pretty sincere, but I couldn't care less. I would've preferred an emailed video of you with a ukelele teheheheheheheheheh" Nik laughed softly. Everything he did was soft, after all.

"Lmao thats my baby boy" Gaga said as she punched Orlin to Africa. She aggressively started making out with Nik as other people watched them and recorded the whole thing. Some were even touching their wee wee's at the sight!

"Lets take this home baby boy" Gaga said as she (somehow?) teleported them home. Nik's disco stick grew when she wore her pikachu hoodie. They banged all night while listening to DJ Khaled and Pitbull.

Lol

Chapter Text

Bro was in Africa.

After being rocket punched (lmao get it) all the way from Earth to Mars, he got punched all the way from Earth to Africa again by the same person. That one person who radio stations always say will be the next one who's song plays but never does; Lady Gaga.

Honestly, Orlin used to be a huge fan of Gaga back in his cringy teen phase, so he didn't know whether to fanboy over it or just be angry. He chose neither.

To be real, he just felt awful for treating his ex-bf so poorly. He felt like he deserved to live amongst dark children with no food to feast on or water to quench their thirst. Wait was that racist? He didn't care.

He landed in Africa so fast and so hot that he ended up creating a huge hole that looked manmade. I mean, it was. He just sat in the bowl like form, sobbing out of self hatred.

"Is that crying I hear" a weird ugly voice spoke from up the hole. Orlin looked up through bleary eyes to see an ugly bald man with weird sunglasses staring down at him. He wore an average everyday black T-Shirt and jeans. He looked SO boring.

"You're a male?" He asked.

"Um, yes?" Orlin responded. The mysterious man scrunched his nose in a way that made it seem like he was showing disgust.

"Real men don't cry" the man said. "You're so beta"

Orlin raised an eyebrow. "Wtf does that mean"

"It means you're a pathetic baby" the man said.

Orlin's heart jumped.

"What did you say?" He asked. The man scrunched his face again.

"I said- you're pathetic and disgusting. What man cries in this day & age?"

"Its 2024 dumbass" Orlin said.

"Not here it isnt" the guy said. "In Africa it's actually 1886"

"What the hell" Orlin said. "That makes no sense"

"YOU make no sense" the man said.

"Nuh uh!"

"Yuh uh!"

They stuck their tongues out at each other like the mature beings they were.

-○-

The rivalry between Orlin and the man who apparently went by the name Andrew Tate lasted weeks. The two were stuck in this weird place together, and though they hated each other, they never left each other's side. Tate said it was because Orlin was the only other one who ended up the same way he did, and for Orlin, well, tbh, he was scared to be alone. Even if he disliked this ugly bald guy, he didn't want to give him up either. So whenever they went grocery shopping (which was really just stealing) or to piss and/or shit, they always went together. They only seperated during naps or long sleeps.

But Orlin was having weird thoughts lately. It seemed like everytime Tate vicorouly degraded him, he found himself getting hotter and wetter. Eventually he chalked it up to him hating himself so much that he got off when someone insulted him the way he thought he deserved. It also didn't help that after he had these thoughts he started looking at Tate as a scrumptious Greek god and not the ugly bald man he first viewed him as. He could even say..he was starting to have the hots for Tate.

But it was all lust! There was no love involved! Orlin firmly believed that he could fall in love with all the animals in a single zoo before he could fall for someone like Tate. After all he was smelly, rude, insensitive, BALD, and so, SO sexist. Like, literally everything was 'females' this 'females' that. Why couldn't he just female deez nuts?

So yeah, all things considered, Orlin only WANTED Tate. He craved. He wanted the cooties. He wanted Tate to-to-to rail him while he degraded him. He didn't want to date him. No chance.

But of course Tate wanted neither from Orlin. Not lust, nor love. He just wanted to stay by his side and insult him 24/7.
So, with a sigh, Orlin decided he would just bottle these lustful feelings inside him and never pursue them. After all, no  matter how awful Tate was as a human being, Orlin didn't want to do anything without his consent. So, he strolled on by.

-○-

It had been a few more weeks, possibly 2+ months, and Orlin would be happy to say that him and Tate had managed to get closer. It all started a few nights ago when Tate was staring up at the African stars in the African sky, and Orlin chose to join him. Tate started...opening up to him?? Orlin was just as confused as you might be right now. But he responded, he heard him out, and that marked the first time Tate ever smiled at him. He said thank you, and that he wasn't so bad to have as a partner. Ever since then the two had a slight change in their 'friendship'.

They still insulted each other, but now Tate would often do weird shit. Like, he'd offer to do stuff for Orlin, or pick him up bridal style sometimes just to piss him off. Orlin at first was just mad, but then he realized Tate was doing these things with pure intentions. He blushed when he realized the possibility of Tate falling for him was extremely likely now.

So he decided to confront him about it.

"Tate." Orlin said. "Do you like me?"

Tate immediately stopped blabbing about aliens being fake and Shane Dawson doing nothing wrong and stated at Orlin. He took off his glasses and showed Orlin his big beautfiul orbs.

"N-No I dont you s-s-stupid b-b-b-b-baka!!!!!" He said in a surprisingly squeaky voice. "Why would you even think th-th-that?!?!?!?!?!"

"Um..idk you just been acting like it lately" Orlin said. Tate sighed.

"Ok fine I like you'' he said. "Idk why either. I think im just lonely here and you're like the only person I have"

"Well..'' Orlin said. "I kind of feel the same way. Being so lonely with just you by my side has caused me to have..indecent thoughts of you. Or well, us" he emphasised. Tate snapped his neck.

"You think im smexy?" He asked incredulously.

"When you degrade me yeah'' Orlin said. "But im sorry to say I dont like you in the romantic sense. Maybe I will one day...after all I don't mind listening to you talk or holding your hand, but..I'm just not sure about it."

"Well, at least you crave me I guess" Tate said. Then he did smth surprising. He kissed Orlin?!?!?!?!?!?!

And Orlin kissed back?!?!?!?! The crowd went wild!!!

The crowd as in, the African kids watching them from a distance.

Suddenly Tate was on top of Orlin, taking his shirt off. "Let me eat my way to your heart baby boy" he purred, and it went straight to Orlin's di-
That was what Gaga called Nik. The parallel made him wetter and hotter than he had ever been in his life.
Ugh if only he was over Nik.

He took his shirt off as well and tossed it far away. One of the African kids grabbed it and basically they owned it now. They started fighting over who got the shirt as Tate and Orlin started aggresively making out.

Tate suddenly yanked Orlin's little doo daa. The latter screamed. "JDWOXKQKWPFNSIALSN" he yelled out into the night. The kids were still fighting, uncaring of what would surely traumatize them if they witnessed it.

And then, before Orlin knew it, he was getting railed by a 17 inch shlong. He screamed. Like, a lot. In pleasure of course. The kids eventually stopped fighting to watch them and they were, um.
Let's just say not happy. They cried as they walked home to their moms.

"You know what Orlin" Tate said while he thrusted into the male. "You taste just like coleslaw"

He leaned down and whispered in his ear.

"And I fucking hate coleslaw"

Orlin cried. Was Tate really considerate
enough to remember that he liked being degraded by him? It both warmed his heart and coiled his stomach, if you know what I mean. He felt himself about to reach his climax when Tate said,

"By the way you suck at roblox"

Ouch. That one hurt.
Hurt GOOD, you mean!

Orlin came. It was not 13, but he came anyway. Tate came into him as well. He slumped forward and they both just stayed there for a while, panting as they tried to calm down their beating hearts. When Tate pulled out of Orlin, a stream of babies fled out. Orlin cried in pleasure.

Those were some pretty babies.

-○-

It had been another few weeks since their first time, and now the two were dating. Orlin had eventually come around to liking Tate romantically, so since love and lust were checked off for both men, they decided, hell why dont we just start dating already? So they did. Now they held hands wherever they went, and stared into each other's eyes the way lovesick teens do. They talked about their past, their Game theories, all the dating simulators they played before reaching Africa, etc. All the Africans in the area knew; they were in LOVE love.

On the plane to Los Angeles, Orlin carried Tate's cum necklace with him. It was a memoir for the first time they ever fucked. Right after it happened, Tate had fallen asleep (fucking pussy), so Orlin scooped his babies up and ate some- uh I mean stored them in a necklace passed down by his grandma. He always hated that bitch anyway.

When Tate found his cum necklace, he fucked him again. So Orlin started storing all of his babies in jars, and every week changed the cum as he didnt want it to rot. He was NOT going to be that one reddit guy who came in a jar with a Rainbow Dash figure in it.

With all those baby jars, they made lots of cash. Seemed like the poor really craved semen. Who knows; Tate was probably a father to millions in Africa by now.

But Orlin didn't care. All he wanted was to go back to Los Angeles with Orlin and meet Nik again, so he could thank him and Gaga for what they did. Because if it weren't for them, he'd never have met his favourite Greek god, Andrew Tate.