Chapter Text
The alarm clock rings ruthlessly and punctually like every morning, at 7. It's an insistent, annoying trill, like an electric hammer that makes the bedside table vibrate. Sanji is still sleepy. He reaches out and stops the alarm with a tap of his finger on the phone screen. His eyelids lift but his vision is dark. It always is, after all. His world is a huge black hole that offers no image of his room, nor of his apartment, nor of the city in which he lives. Much less himself. Sanji is twenty-one years old but he has no idea what he looks like. He knows he's blonde, he also knows he keeps his hair at a certain length thanks to Usopp's help, and judging by the size of his hugs when they meet, he knows he's pretty skinny too. The rest, however, remains a mystery.
This doesn’t demoralize him enough to take less care of himself. Sanji is keen to maintain a good appearance and wear well-groomed clothes. So, he gets out of bed, opens the large wardrobe behind him and takes out a couple of shirts from a shelf. Then, he also takes a pair of stiff trousers and jeans from the opposite shelf. He places them both on the mattress of his bed and heads to the kitchen. He knows the apartment by heart. He knows exactly where and how all the furniture is arranged. He knows how many steps it takes to get from the bedroom to the kitchen, that number includes also a short trip around the island.
The blond stops in front of the stove, opens the second door at the top, grabs a pan, and after careful evaluation with his hands, deems it suitable for cooking a couple of pancakes. His hands then move towards the refrigerator, he opens it and after several attempts, he retrieves the eggs and milk. Finally, from the central shelf, he retrieves a couple of jars, tasting the contents of the first one. Okay, it's flour. He puts it aside and tastes the contents of the second one. It's definitely sugar. Once he has collected all the ingredients, he prepares the pancake. He has long since learned how many cups of flour and how many glasses of milk he needs to create the perfect combination. The old geezer was very good at teaching him all this, and even though Zeff is not blind like him, he quickly made him understand that the hands, palate and nose are the only tools a chef really needs. And Sanji wants to become one. Even if his father would rather see him dead than chef.
The smell of well-cooked pancakes interrupts his thoughts and makes him turn them the other way. He waits only a few seconds and finally grabs a ceramic plate, places them inside and finishes the preparation with a chocolate topping. Sitting on a stool in front of the island, he eats breakfast accompanied only by silence he is used to. He lives alone in a large apartment on the seventh floor, with modern but somewhat aseptic furniture and a large window in the living room that gives a pleasant view of the neighborhood. Or at least, that's how Usopp described it to him.
Maybe he shouldn't, but he decides to light a cigarette in the living room and enjoy it calmly. When he started smoking, he had to calculate how many inches long a cigarette is and how far the tip is from his lips. He burned many of those tobacco sticks in the wrong place, but now he has no problems. It became an automatic and conscious movement within a week.
Sanji puffs his last cloud of smoke towards the ceiling, then crumples his cigarette inside a crystal ashtray and goes to the bathroom. He takes a quick shower, shampoos, brushes his face and teeth. He knows that the sink mirror is staring at him and he doesn't know what the man locked inside of it looks like. Instinctively his hand moves to his face giving him back the sensation of bristly hairs where there shouldn't be.
The aspiring cook retrieves the razor from the cabinet, then measures the length of his goatee with his fingertip. He shouldn't go past that point, so he starts shaving all the hairs that go beyond that. Then, he moves on the cheeks and jaw, making small movements opposite to the direction of the hairs and dedicating at least five minutes to this activity. After making sure that his mustache is also within the correct measurements, he applies his aftershave and finally decides to get dressed.
He returns to the bedroom and approaches the mattress, where he left the clothes taken earlier. He looks for the card engraved with the braille code that reveals the colors of those clothes. His fingertips trace the sequence of raised dots. Black shirt… yeah, looks pretty good. He switches to pants. Dark blue jeans. Yes, this goes well together. Then he chooses a pair of shoes, according to the card they are black and comfortable, and he retrieves his cane. He’s finally ready to go out and just at that moment his phone speaks in a robotic voice:
“Usopp, Usopp, Usopp.”
“Answer and turn on speakerphone,” Sanji orders.
"Hey! I'm outside your building! Are you ready to go?”
“I'm ready, I'll be right there.”
“Come on, I also got you a phenomenal cappuccino today!”
His words make him raise an eyebrow. “The last time you said something like that I drank the most watered down coffee in the whole country!”
“It's really good this time, I promise!”
“Okay, give me a minute.”
The cappuccino that Usopp brought him turns out to be rubbish, just as he predicted. It's amazing how this guy doesn't have the slightest sense of taste. However, Sanji appreciates his constant presence. He is a nice, ironic boy, able to lighten the burden of his senseless life. He met him in high school, they were classmates and even though he is a wimp by nature, he always tried to help him when he was bullied for his condition. Usopp was the only one who took his side, the only one who offered to help, the only one who supported and wanted to spend time with him.
That idiot was so dedicated to his well-being that he was never able to make friends others than him. Sanji appreciated it so much that he spent an entire year believing he was in love with him. All that care, that attention, that laughter together, had made his heart beat in a way that he wasn't used to at all. But then he had to dig inside himself and realized that his feeling wasn't love. It was affection, and a sincere friendship. It was equally important. He had made a friend and was damn lucky for it.
He felt sorry that they couldn't continue studying together, but Usopp preferred to enroll in a hairdressing academy and has already found the building where he will open his salon. Sanji, on the other hand, was forced by Judge to study law and become a badass lawyer, able to protect him from the shit he does with his weapons manufacturing business. It was the only use he had found for him. His useless, emotional, blind son.
But Sanji has a different dream and a passion that has kept him alive since his mother died. Cooking. If his dream is somehow achievable, it is thanks to Zeff, the man he met when he was nine years old, an old fart who cared about him and offered him the chance to go to his restaurant after closing to teach him the tricks of profession, despite his condition.
“Hands are important for a cook, but in your case they are fundamental. They are the eyes you don't have, so always take care of them, eggplant.”
Several years have passed since Zeff began training him and Sanji knows he has become a capable cook. He works at the restaurant every now and then, but he knows that if his father found out, he would lock him up until his dream turned to dust. Then his brothers would arrive to beat the shit out of him, because Father scolds, and yells, but his brothers beat for him, they get their hands dirty for him. They act as his perfect soldiers and Sanji knows that their goal is to please him in every way possible.
His family despises him. They always have, and his blindness is just a pretext to make him feel even weaker and more useless. They often succeed in their goal. His sister, on the other hand, is the only one among them who spares him violence and bad words. She cares about his health and his safety… sometimes she even seems afraid of losing him permanently, but she still can't take a stand against their father and brothers. Sanji doesn't even ask her to. Her mere concern is more than enough for him.
“Hey, sleeping beauty! We’ve arrived!" Usopp suddenly exclaims, interrupting that dark tangle of thoughts.
"Oh, really?"
"Sure. Shall I accompany you to the entrance or do you prefer to get there alone?”
“I prefer to walk alone, and in any case, I don't want you to be late for the academy.”
“And tonight? Do you want me to come over? Or do you prefer to go out?” Sanji smiles. His friend asks him these questions practically every day. And every day he gets the same answers.
“I'll let you know later.”
Often, this decision simply depends on how much he has to study.
“Then I'm waiting to hear from you! If you need another ride, or anything else, don't be an idiot and call me!”
“You think about yourself. If you keep worrying about me, you'll open that salon when you're too old and too stupid to cut even a single hair!”
“Ha-ha-ha! It's not funny!"
“Shitty liar, I can feel your smile!”
He hears Usopp gasp. “I am more and more convinced that you have some superpower!”
He wishes it were true. He wishes that superpower was invisibility, not the ability to perceive facial expressions without seeing them.
“Yeah, of course, whatever!”
Sanji turns his back on him and begins to walk down the long tree-lined road that leads to the university. Google Maps is active as always just to confirm that he’s going the right way. In the meantime, he drags the tip of the cane on the ground, moving it from side to side, in front of him. That allows him to scan his surroundings for obstacles or orientation marks. Even though using a cane is the same as shouting out his blindness, Sanji knows that he really needs it. Unfortunately he learned it the hard way.
“Sanji, listen. Now stay here and wait for me. I have to talk to a client I just met and you know how much I care about my work, right?”
“Yes, father.”
“If it takes me too long, I'll still be nearby and…”
Then the sound of the grass rustling under his shoes. And then the sudden emptiness.
He shakes his head and continues walking down the street. In the distance, he begins to hear the sound of a violin as harmonious and sweet as the taste of freshly baked butter biscuits. Some notes seem familiar to him. Sanji approaches the source of the music until he stops in front of the musician. This song is exactly the lullaby that his mother hummed to him before putting him to bed. He hadn't heard it in so long. He remains enchanted as his defective eyes fill with tears. A nostalgic smile spreads across his lips, his mind lulls him with happy memories. The music caresses his heart for a few more minutes, then the spell is broken.
“Everything okay, buddy?” a male voice asks in front of him. He imagines it’s the musician.
"I’m fine, thank you. You brought back some great memories.”
“I'm very happy to know this! If you want me to play something else for you..."
"You have to pay!" a female voice suddenly exclaims.
Damn. He should have imagined he was in front of a street artist.
“You're right, sorry. I'm such a rude person."
Sanji takes out his wallet and bends down on his knees. His hand touches a large upturned hat into which he slips a banknote.
“I hope they are enough. Thanks again for the song.”
“You can still request another one if you want,” the girl says.
“Unfortunately, I have to go to class now or I'll be late. Thank you anyway.”
The blind boy walks away, while Nami and Brook look at him feeling a strange pang that runs through their chest. They had never seen the blond before, but his condition was quite evident, regardless of the cane. His only visible eye was covered in a whitish patina that made the color a light blue, almost like a frozen sheet of glass. There was no black pupil in which Nami could see herself reflected. She sighs, thinking again of that eye and the tears that sparkled like little diamonds between his eyelashes, then lowers her gaze towards the hat.
"Dammit!" she exclaims.
"What?"
“That guy, he left a 100 dollar bill!”
“Well, this is certainly a lucky day for us! Yohohoh!”
“No, it must be a mistake…” Nami muses, biting her lower lip.
"A mistake? Isn't that why you force me to play in front of your university? So you can extract more money from the richest students? From the way he's dressed, I think the guy from before falls into that category."
The orange-haired girl retrieves the banknote and squeezes it between her fingers. A big part of her would like to keep it and buy herself something nice. After all, it's not like that well-dressed student is going to go broke giving someone a hundred dollars. But something inside her doesn't allow her to accept that money.
“He is blind, surely he didn't even realize he gave us all this money.”
Brook gives her a shocked expression. "Are you serious?!"
"Hey! Don’t look at me like that! I may be greedy but I still have a heart!”
"So? What do you want to do?"
Nami doesn't even answer. She simply starts running down the street until she reaches the blond.
"Hey! Wait!"
He turns to her. “Are you the girl from before?”
"Yes, I am! I think there is a mistake..."
"What do you mean?" he asks, frowning.
“You… you unintentionally gave us a hundred dollar bill.”
His hand briefly reaches into his pants pocket. “Oh, I was pretty sure it was a twenty,” then a smile forms on his mouth, “that's okay, you can keep them.”
"What?! But this is too much!”
“Your friend is worth it. He's really good at playing.”
“I know, but I still think it's too…”
"I don’t agree. And I won't take it back."
As soon as the boy turns his back to leave again, a sudden proposal slips from her lips. "Hey! At least let me repay you with lunch!”
"Lunch?" he asks surprised.
“Yes, after class. I have to meet a friend in KFC to have lunch together. Do you want to join us?”
That proposal seems to leave him dazed. Is it really so strange that she would want to repay a stranger in this way? Maybe yes, it's definitely not like her. But Nami sees something special in that ice-colored eye, and for some crazy reason she wants to get to know this boy better. Even though he seems really rich, he's nothing like the other arrogant assholes around college.
"So?" she asks him, almost hopefully.
She finally sees him regain his smile. “Will we meet there at 1pm?”
“Yes, at 1pm it's perfect! Can you get there?”
“I know it's nearby, Google Maps will help me,” he replies confidently.
“Okay… perfect. Anyway, my name is Nami.”
“You really have a lovely voice and a wonderful name, Nami. I am Sanji."
“And you are way too nice! See you later." She immediately realizes her poor choice of words and blushes in shame. “Yes, I mean… let's meet later…”
Sanji chuckles. "There's no need to feel bad about this. See you later."
Sanji is happy. He feels as if he’s floating in the clouds. He doesn't know how or why it happened, but suddenly a girl invited him out for lunch. With a friend, he remembers himself, there is also a friend! He doesn't care. It’s still something he never expected. If he had known that paying a musician generously would bring him this benefit, maybe he would have done it sooner.
And what? Do you think buying people does you credit? Do you want to become like your father?
His nagging conscience wants to ruin the moment, but it won't succeed. Sanji follows the lessons without actually listening. His smile can't fade, in his mind he remembers the girl who tried to give him back the money. He doesn't know what she looks like, but he bets she's beautiful. Very beautiful, judging by her voice.
He wonders what color her hair is. Her eyes. If her smile is as beautiful as he imagines it. If her hands are thin and warm like his mother's were. Sanji knows he's rambling. It's really stupid to be like this after just a quick chat and an invitation to lunch. But... nothing like this had ever happened to him before and he can't stop his heart from beating with emotion. Also, there will be someone with her. Who knows what he or she will be like? Who knows if he will be able to socialize or will he looks like a clumsy as always? Maybe he could finally expand his circle of friends and drag Usopp into it too. He would love it very much, that long nose deserves it.
When the last class period ends, Sanji realizes that he has completely ignored the professor. He is not worried about it, he knows that he will be able to recover every explanation thanks to the audiobook of his subject. Yes, it will be boring as hell, but he really can't afford to fall behind in his studies. Because this would lead to him failing the exam and receiving a visit from his father to remind him that he is actually a living failure. And then there would also come a punishment.
He shakes his head and tries not to think about it. Now there's something else on his mind and he doesn't want to let himself ruin a rare positive day by thinking about his family. So he picks up his phone, presses the bottom of the screen and says:
“Find me the fastest route to KFC.”
A few moments pass and a robotic voice announces: “Fastest route, ten minute walk. Do you want to confirm it?”
“I confirm.”
Just when Sanji decides to reach the meeting place, he suddenly feels the stick being snatched from his hands and falling to the ground. He nearly trips.
"Hey! What kind of joke is this?”
Three dark, sinister laughs explode in front of him and he feels his heart sink into his chest. They are his brothers. He shouldn't even be surprised. He knows that they study at the same university as him, they attend the faculty of economics, but he usually doesn't meet them often. Obviously, after such a fortunate encounter, an unfortunate one also had to come. His happiness can never last more than a few minutes.
Sanji drops to his knees and starts feeling the floor with his hands, looking for his cane, while his brothers continue to giggle above him.
“Look at this pathetic sight,” Yonji comments.
“A failure who can't even find an object on the ground,” Niji scoffs.
Sanji looks up, towards where they presumably should be. “You took it, didn't you?
"What? We? Who do you take us for?” Ichiji asks, feigning indignation. The blond hears the metallic sound of his cane bouncing playfully on his brother's palm.
“Give it back to me, please.”
“We don't know what you're talking about! Your cane is right there next to you, on the ground!” Yonji laughs more and more amused.
“Look it up, you little eyeless failure. Let's see how long it takes you!”
“There's no point in me looking for it if you have it,” he reiterates, trying to sound a little more confident.
“So this is what you want?”
Suddenly he feels his cane impact forcefully against his cheekbone, causing his head to turn away. In his ears echo the footsteps of the people walking near them and moving away in complete indifference. No one ever dares to go against these bastards, no matter if he always gets involved. His brothers burst into laughter as Sanji tries not to give them the satisfaction of seeing him tremble.
He gets back to his feet to face them head on. “Give me back the cane.”
"How rude! Where did the please go?” Niji asks.
“Why don't you take it back yourself?” Yonji challenges him.
Sanji sighs. “Please, give me my cane back. I have to meet up with a girl soon and..."
His words are interrupted by another chorus of laughter. "You what?!"
“You have to meet a girl?!”
“You could come up with a better excuse, you know?” Ichiji comments, amused.
“It's not an excuse, it's the truth.”
"Oh, really?"
Suddenly he hears one of them come closer to him and start whispering in his ear. Obviously it's Ichiji. “I bet you're stupid enough to think she's interested in you, right?”
His heart skips a beat. "I…"
“She’s not, you idiot. Whoever she is, she's just someone who pities you because she's seen how ugly and pathetic you are."
Sanji tries to swallow the lump he feels forming in his throat.
“You’re lucky that you can't see what you are, and you're even luckier that you don't see how people look at you with disgust every single day of your life. The bravest ones may offer you a smile, a chat, but you are repulsive to look at. You and your stupid defective eyes.”
A solitary tear escapes right from those defective eyes while they enjoy the show.
“There he is, our usual crybaby!” Yonji comments.
Ichiji nods satisfied with himself. “If you want to do that girl a favor, leave her alone. No one deserves to waste a single moment of their life with someone as useless and ugly as you.”
After this last stab, he hears his cane fall to the ground as his three brothers walk away giggling and cheering as if they've just won some sort of competition. Sanji retrieves the cane and begins to take a few uncertain steps. He wants to leave. He wants to disappear. He wants the earth to swallow him whole and end his miserable existence.
Yet he tries to dry his eyes and not give people such a depressing sight of himself.
“Cancel destination,” he says meekly, speaking to his phone.
“Do you want to cancel your KFC destination?”
"Yes."
“Destination cancelled.”
He decides to go straight home without involving Usopp, so he orders his phone to set a new walking route that will take him to the subway. His legs move hastily along the path, his mind is in turmoil, his heart aches. He would like to forget Ichiji's words, he would like to find the strength to believe that he is worth something and that he is not just a concentration of weakness and horror. But how could he? After all, aside from Usopp, hasn't he been alone this whole time?
No one has ever been interested in him, neither as a friend nor as a possible partner. Sanji didn't understand why, but his older brother gave him the answer he wished he'd known sooner. No one wants to deal with him because he is repulsive. His eyes... he has no idea what they look like... but they are certainly repulsive too. How could he believe that nice clothes and a neat beard were enough to make him a normal person?
Stupid! Stupid! He was so stupid!
Suddenly, a crystalline voice interrupts his hasty march.
“Hey Sanji!”
The blond turns back, shocked. “Nami? Is that you?”
“Yes, it’s me! You just rushed past KFC and I thought you got lost! We are here… me and my friend.”
Shit. So is her friend also in front of him?
Sanji begins to see them in his head. He sees two pairs of eyes looking at him with pity. Two mouths curved in disgust. For a moment he hears his breathing quicken.
"I…"
Nami notices a red mark on the boy's cheekbone and takes a few steps to get closer. "What happened? Are you okay?"
“I…” he slurs, backing away.
“Sanji, are you okay?” she asks again.
Sanji shakes his head. “I have to go… I remembered I have an appointment. I’m sorry."
He immediately starts running away as fast as possible, colliding with some passers-by and earning their curses.
Nami looks at him with a worried expression, then turns to Zoro.
“So he was the rich guy you invited to our lunch?” he asks her, indifferent.
“Yes, but I don't know what came over him.”
“Maybe he wasn't in the mood,” he deduces with a shrug, then takes a sip of his beer.
Zoro thinks about this bizarre encounter. He thinks of the blond man, of his eye so similar to crystal and apparently empty. It wasn't. A few seconds were enough for him to get a glimpse a whole world of emotions inside it. He also bears a total resemblance to his boyfriend, Sabo… maybe he's even more handsome.
More handsome? Seriously? Is he really thinking that a random stranger is better looking than Sabo? God… he probably drank too many beers on an empty stomach again.
“Shall we go in and get something to eat now? I'm hungry."
Sanji is slouched on the couch in his living room, a cigarette hanging between his lips and the smoke billowing out in a cloud. In his ears there are earphones that are playing the audiobook he should listen to, to catch up on the lessons he ignored. But this time he's not really listening either. His mind is lost in a whirlwind of self-pitying thoughts and he has no intention of stopping them. His life sucks so damn much, it's good that he takes note of it and he never deludes himself again. Nobody wants to deal with him. Well, except for Usopp, but he's just a generous masochist. Maybe he should fight him, cut off all connections and give him the chance to live a better life without a hopeless blind fool to worry about.
It would really be the right decision. But Sanji is selfish. He truly can't imagine a life without the only person who has ever shown an ounce of care and affection towards him. It’s precisely for this reason that, when Usopp knocks on his door that evening, the blond decides to open the door instead of sending him away.
“Guess who brought some pizzas?”
The smell of melted mozzarella, tomato and pepperoni pervades his nose, and even though he isn't hungry, he can't waste food in any way. The pizza intended for him will definitely be thrown away if he doesn't eat it.
“You could have warned me before bringing all this,” he says, stepping aside to let him in.
“And give you the opportunity to refuse my visit? I don’t think so!"
He hears Usopp walk towards the kitchen island, so he sits down on a stool that he assumes is next to him.
“What… what the hell is that?” he asks shocked.
“What do you mean?”
“You have a bruise forming on your cheekbone.”
“Oh, that.” He had almost forgotten it existed. Ichiji's words had definitely hurt him more than that blow.
“You don't need to hear that.”
“It's always them, right? Those three asshole brothers of yours!”
Sanji just shrugs.
“Why the hell do I never meet them on the street? I would love to roll them out with my car at full throttle!”
“It's not worth it, believe me.”
The blond opens the pizza box and takes the first slice. When the ingredients meet his palate, he admits to feeling a slight pleasure. Luckily Usopp really chose well this time.
“You are so wrong. It's definitely worth it! Did they hurt you somewhere else? Not that of course I expect you to tell me.”
Sanji gives him a weak smile. “And yet I am absolutely sincere in telling you today they were light-handed. They only hit me where you see the bruise.”
“But… I know there's a but… your eyes are too dull for there not to be a but!”
“There's no buts, I'm fine.”
“Are you really trying to lie to me? I remind you that I have known you for six years now!”
Unfortunately it's true. Lying to this guy is practically impossible. Sometimes he tries anyway, just to save him some worry, but he always manages to smell his lies. After all, he is a connoisseur of lies, since he often tells them to impress people.
Sanji sighs in resignation and sets aside the piece of pizza he was trying to eat. His head drops and his shoulders tighten.
“People… when they look at me… they find me repulsive, don't they?”
"WHAT?!" Usopp exclaims, jumping off the stool, “are you serious? Are you really asking me a question like that?!”
“I know it's true, you don't have to deny it to make me feel better.”
“Is that what those bastards told you? That people find you repulsive?!”
Sanji frowns. “You want me to believe it's not true? Isn't that why people stay away from me?”
"Absolutely not! People are just cowards. It's challenging for them to deal with a complex man like you, so they prefer to surround themselves with their own kind. But they don't find you repugnant, you're not a mutant or an alien!"
"Are you sure?"
“Of course I'm sure! Hell, I've lost count of the girls and boys who smile or blush when they look at you!”
His words surprise him. “If you're kidding me, I swear…”
“Do you think I'm making fun of you while your brothers are sincere?” Sanji hears the hint of irritation in his voice and immediately feels guilty.
“I'm sorry, Usopp. I didn't want to… it's just… it's so hard to believe… given my life.”
“I know and I understand your insecurities. But your brothers told you some colossal bullshit with the intent to hurt you. And anyway, if I were them, I would look in the mirror before speaking! They look like the cheap version of Power Rangers!”
This joke manages to get a genuine laugh from him. “Hahahaha! They do?"
“You can bet they do!”
Sanji smiles and even finds the desire to finish his pizza. “Thank you, long nose.”
His long nose… it was such a fun discovery. He still remembers how it collided with his cheek for the first time during a hug. It made him laugh for ten minutes straight and Usopp hated him so much.
“Calling me long nose is a terrible way to show gratitude, you know?” he pretends to be offended, but he knows that he has always called him that only out of affection.
“Yeah, yeah, sorry!”
Sanji laughs again while he feels like he has one less burden to weigh on his battered heart. He is so grateful to have Usopp in his life, so, he promises himself that from now on, if he wants to hear an honest answer to any questions that concern him, his best friend will be the only person worthy of his trust.
