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Somewhere in Finland, 11:45pm
Teemu was doing what he usually does on a Saturday night. Playing with some code in his office, which was filled to the brim with computers on various Windows 9x or MS-DOS operating systems. It was a bit hot and loud, considering the amount of CPUs he had going, but he was used to it by now, considering he'd been doing this pretty much daily for the past who knows how long. He'd just finished dinner, and now was picking apart Office 98, for the sole reason of trying to find Clippy's source code. Why he was obsessed with this cartoon paperclip with eyes to big for it's body? Who knows.

After a few minutes of promising searches in the code, he found it: CLIPPYSOURCECODE.html. The holy grail of late-90s computing. He straight away got to editing the Paperclip's code, changing as many settings as he found necessary to give him his own personalised Clippy, but most importantly, these ones:
…STARTUPINTRO: "My name is Clippy, and I only operate by one rule, and the rule is: No Rules!"
RULES: N…
The moment he pressed save, something unexpected happened. His 6 screen setup started moving, and eventually became a robot-type thing, with a picture of Clippy at it's head, and it started to speak:
"My name is Clippy, and I only operate by one rule-"
"Blah, blah, blah, and that rule is no rules" Teemu cuts in, "You don't need to repeat that every single time. I made you say that. I know what the script is."
The robot Clippy barely listens before just flying out of the house and into the world.
'Oh god, what's it going to do?' Teemu thinks.

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Teemu didn't need to wait long to find out what Clippy was going to do, as the paperclip's first target was about to be dealt with.
Croatia, 2:15am Marko was sound asleep on his couch, after the 40-something cats he'd taken in had claimed the bed as their own. Then, he was woken up by the sound of something banging on the door.

BANG!
BANG!
BANG!

He reacted to this noise like any sane person would. He ran. But the paperclip had found another way in and was coming for him. Marko kept on running. But, in the end, Clippy was too fast for him. The robot caught him, then he blacked out.

When Marko came to, the harsh light of a basement was the only thing he could see. He tried to get up, but then realised he had a slight problem. He was tied to a chair. Then, he heard a (slightly familiar) voice:

After that, the voice went silent, no matter how loud he screamed. He eventually found a way to get out of the restraints, and found a soggy bowl of non-descript corn-based cereal waiting for him. He knew that someone would find his home with just the cats inside, so, he decided to give up without even really trying to escape, just hoping for someone to find him.

At 2pm, wiwiblogs broke the news that Baby Lasagna was reported to be missing without a trace. Back in Finland, Teemu knew exactly what happened to the Croatian. He felt a wave of guilt wash over himself. Clippy had taken its first victim. The only question in his head was: who will be next?

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Zurich, Switzerland - 11:23pm
Nemo was lying in bed, staring at the bright light that illuminated their bedroom, and thinking. What were they thinking about? If they should tell one of their closest friends that they're head-over-heels for him and risk losing them as a friend, or allow it to continue tearing them apart on the inside. Stuck, they decided to turn to the only person who was awake that they trusted enough to talk to about this. Nemo sat up and grabbed their phone off the bedside table to call Teya. But just when they were about to start the call, something started banging on their front door.

Fearing it might be the same thing that found Baby Lasagna, they opened the attic stairs and climbed up, closing the door at the exact moment the front door was broken down.

Clippy? was this someone pulling their leg, or a crazed robot that wants to take them out?
Unfortunately, it was the latter. Clippy started searching the entire house, causing thousands of euros worth of damage. After that was fruitless, Clippy went outside, and flew to the Northwest. Nemo, looking out the attic window, realised it was going for the person who meant the most to them, or it was going for an Estonian rap group, nobody knows which one.

Having dodged a bullet, Nemo questioned who sent Clippy and why they did it. Their best guess was that Windows95man wanted to get rid of all the entries that were better than his own, and a psychotic paperclip was the best way to do that. Another idea was that it came on it's own accord, or that someone was pissed off that their favourites were predicted to do badly, so, they decided to take the bookies' favourites out.

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Võsu, Estonia - 2:10am
Despite it being just past 2am on a monday morning, the members of 5miinust were still partying in a drunken state, meanwhile, Marko from Puuluup was observing the chaos that the four rappers were causing, while his bandmate, Ramo, was sleeping on the chair next to him, having passed out from exhaustion a couple hours before. Marko was slightly concerned about being awake this late, given that Baby Lasagna had been kidnapped around this time last night, and Nemo had just tweeted out something about a home invasion, so he was keeping an eye out for whatever it was that was targeting Eurovision participants.

Then, precisely when the clock struck 2:15, something shattered the house window.

Hang on, Clippy? Was this a trip, or just the drinks? Hang on, he hadn't even had three beers tonight. Oh god. It was an actual Clippy robot trying to murder them.
He tried to run out the door, but everything went black.

Marko was woken up by the harsh glare of a light. When his eyes opened, he saw that 5miinust had been tied to chairs, while Ramo and himself were tied together at the hands. A quick glance out the glass door revealed that they were in a prison. and so was Baby Lasagna, who was in the cell across from theirs. He tried banging on the glass to get the Croatian's attention, but had no luck.A strangely familiar voice with an American accent came on, waking the others up.

Upon the news breaking that 5miinust and Puuluup had also gone missing, the Eurovision news sites went into the same levels of investigative journalism as they had when Blanka won the Polish NF in 2023, meaning that they'd stop at nothing to get answers. This is going to be utter chaos.

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Vilnius, Lithuania - 3:12am
Silvester woke up in a cold sweat. He'd just had another nightmare about losing someone special to him. This one was slightly weird. and by slightly, I mean extremely out of left field. This time his special someone was being bashed to death by a living paperclip. He didn't know why, but they were (was it his twitter doomscrolling last night? No, it couldn't have been, that tweet was just a hallucination, right?). Looking at his alarm clock, he saw that it was quarter past 3, so too late to get much more sleep before he needed to go out for a run, so, he switched the apartment light on and started making himself some tea. As he started boiling the water, he heard a window shatter, followed by several closed doors.

Curious, Silvester yelled out: "Hello? Who's there?", and prepared to call the police, but before he could call the cops, the intruder revealed itself.

What the fuck? So Nemo's tweet about a paperclip breaking into their home was real? And that meant...He was this abomination's next target. His legs processed that piece of information first, and started running. Where to? He didn't know. Anywhere where this thing couldn't find him probably. Unfortunately for him, there wasn't such a place. Clippy caught up with him, and it all turned to black.

Silvester came to in a glass jail cell, tied to a chair. Looking around, he noticed Baby Lasagna in the cell next to his, and 5miinust and Puuluup in the cell across. Is this what Clippy's trying to do? Hold them hostage until Eurovision's over? Why would it do this?
An oddly familiar voice spoke, startling the Lithuanian.

Silvester needed to get out. He needed to save the others from Clippy's wrath. He started shoulder-charging the glass in the hope that he could get out. He kept at this for 20 minutes or so before collapsing from exhaustion. He really hoped Nemo could get him out of here and not join him in here.

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Narva, Estonia - 9:28am
Alika was concerned. Nobody in 5miinust or Puuluup were answering her calls. They were supposed to meet her and Stefan in the town square half an hour ago, but hadn't shown up. Admittedly it was normal for the rappers not to be answering at this hour, especially after a party, but Marko and Ramo usually answered immediately. She knew something was up, so, she started looking around online to see if they'd been arrested for who knows what again. Nope. Instead the six of them got kidnapped at two in the morning. That explained the email from ERR asking if she had a pre-written song that she'd like to send to Eurovision. She wanted to do it, given her shot at glory was ruined because of last year's two (well, really one) horse race. Then a small voice in her head popped up 'You said yourself that you wanted to win Eesti Laul with a song that was really you, and not have the chance handed to you on a platter, so why not earn it?' God, she hated that part of her brain. She ignored the voice and responded to the email with Õde Ütles' mp3 file.

By lunchtime, the whole world knew she was coming back. The EBU put out a statement allowing broadcasters to change acts under extraordinary circumstances at 10, then the news she'd be representing Estonia instead of 5miinust and Puuluup was announced shortly after. Now, she had an odd instagram DM from Nemo, who was representing Switzerland.

Nemo: can you help me out with something? it's sorta urgent.

Alika: Depends, what's up?

Nemo: a psychotic paperclip is trying to kidnap the bookies' favourite acts.

She thought Nemo had gone insane, but, it sort of made sense now, especially after she remembered that Baby Lasagna and that Lithuanian guy were also missing.

Nemo: hello? still there?

Alika: Sorry, yeah. I can try to help you out? I've never been in this situation myself, but I can help?

Nemo: awesome. i'll call you later and get you up to speed.

Alika just left the conversation at that, and just as they said they would, Nemo called her later that day. So the story was that Windows95man did something on Saturday night and accidentally created a psychotic clippy robot, and Nemo wanted to rescue the kidnapped artists. Well, they didn't say that exactly. They said that they wanted to rescue 'Silvester and the others'. That choice of wording made it fairly obvious why Nemo wanted to take Clippy down, and she was coming along for the ride.

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7:01am - EBU HQ, Switzerland
Martin was working on the final touches to the running orders when an intern came running into his office, obviously shocked. "Mr Osterdahl! Mr Osterdahl! Participants have gone missing!" The intern said. Martin's emotions went from shock, to anger, then to frustration. He sent the intern to get the rest of the reference group for a meeting.
7:34am
The reference group was gathered in a glass meeting room, sitting around a table. Martin opened his mouth to start the meeting "Alright, so we all know why we're here. Several participants have gone missing in the past 48 hours. And I have it on good authority that most of the favourites will be gone by the end of the week if nothing changes. So, what should we do?"

The Italian suggested an idea first:
"Send out a search party?"
"We can't."
"Why?"
"Why do you think? We're broke! Remember all the money we paid out to the Jurors last year, Loreen, and ABBA? That's why we signed all those brand licensing deals over the past few years. At the rate we're going financially, I honestly think Eurovision North Korea will become a reality in the next few months!"
Then the Ukrainian:
"Do nothing?"
"As much as I'd like to do that, the clear fan favourite's one of the disappearances. The fanbase would lynch us after what happened with Käärijä last year"
And finally, the Brit:
"Let the broadcasters pick a new artist and song or withdraw with no penalty?"
"That actually could work. Someone send out an email to ERR, HRT, and LRT ASAP. Tell them that they can select a new entry or withdraw at no penalty."
After that was sorted, the (other) Swede asked:
"Martin, do you know what caused the disappearances?"
"Yes"
"What is it then?"
"A paperclip. I know it sounds like one of those harebrained fanfictions you'd find online, but it's unfortunately true."
"So Clippy has been kidnapping Eurovision participants? Oh god, that really does sound like a fanfiction."
Once that was all said and done, Martin went back to his office, questioning what fucked up his song contest.

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Maratea, Italy - 11:26pm
A sound that sounded like a gunshot woke Angelina up. She immediately ran to the source of the sound. When she reached her kitchen, the window had been shattered by a rock. She looked around below for someone standing there, but whoever threw the rock made themselves scarce. But the shattered window wasn't her biggest problem. Someone was calling her on the apartment block's intercom. Who was outside at 11:30pm on a monday? God knows. Something urgent had probably happened if they were here this late. She let them in without picking up the call, and opened up the front door. Then, a metallic blur came in, just straight up picked her up, and started running. Angelina could hear sirens in the distance, and an unwelcome thought crossed her mind.
'What if this is the end? Right before my chance at hitting it big like Dad did. Oh god that hurts' She then fell unconscious.
And then Clippy finally spoke. "Fucken oath. The coppers almost caught me there mate" It said, in an undeniable Australian accent. God knows how it learnt to speak like that. Then it lifted off to head towards Prague, where it stopped.

Angelina woke up in a cold, sterile glass room. Last thing she remembered, she had been kidnapped by a metal thing and then she was here. She looked around, and saw several things. First, a bowl of non-descript corn-based cereal waiting for her. Second, beyond the glass, she saw some of her fellow ESC Class of '24 members. All of whom were in various states of depression and/or insanity. Silvester Belt was in the cell next to hers, while 5miinust, Puuluup, and Baby Lasagna were across from her. Then, a man wearing a ski mask and suit walked in.

With that mikedrop, the mysterious man leaves the room. Angelina turns to one thing to pass the time. Devising ways to escape the building. She didn't know how high up they were, so It was a risk, but it's one worth taking. So, she got to it...

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Amsterdam, Netherlands - 1:08am
Joost was fast asleep in his bed, but then he was woken up by someone banging on his front door. Whoever it was really wanted his attention. He started dozing off as the banging momentarily stopped. Then, the door snapped in half. He'd heard rumours about stuff like this happening. A kidnapper with a penchant for severe property damage coming after Eurovision participants. Now it was his turn it seems. He was sort of excited that he was about to be kidnapped. It'd give him a new puzzle to complete, and more was riding on i-Clippy abruptly grabbed the dutchman, and sped out the door, and into the sky. As they passed 10,000 feet, Joost fell unconscious, and Clippy sped south-east to drop him off at the jail. Then a KLM 777 came out of nowhere and almost hit the paperclip. The pilots inside the jet probably thought they were hallucinating when they saw a 8-foot paperclip holding the dutch eurovision participant by the waist. But they weren't. After that close call, Clippy decided to go faster and hope for the best. That usually worked fine.

Joost woke up in a glass cell, and as he looked around, realized this was Clippy's prison. He was in a cell next to 5miinust and Puuluup, while Angelina Mango and Silvester Belt were across from him. He also knew there was someoneelse in the cell furthest away from him on the side he was on, He thought it was probably Baby Lasagna. Then the man in the suit and ski mask came in.

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Trofors, Norway - 2:16am
Marcus was up probably way too early yet again. But this time it wasn't because his body clock decided to wake him up at some ungodly hour. It was because a loud thump had just come off the apartment building's roof. In his slightly sleep-deprived state, he thought it was the SÄPO coming to arrest him and Martinus because they were more likely to finish last than in the top 10. But it wasn't the SÄPO, it was something much, much worse that came flying through the bedroom window.

What.The. Fuck. Had Windows95man decided to prank every participant, or was this a hallucination? It had to be one. Right? Right?! He ran out into the hallway and into his twin brother's apartment, and woke him up by yelling:

Martinus looked at him slightly confused. Like he'd just found out he has an identical twin-level of confused. "What?" He asked. "It smashed open my window, and will probably kick down the door soon. We need to run!" Marcus explained. But it was too late. With an almighty bang, the door came down and the monster paperclip arrived. Ready to capture it's prey. The twins had no escape that didn't involve them jumping from an 8th floor window. They were quickly caught by the paperclip, and it flew south.

The plan was going perfectly. The source code he edited Eurovision artists addresses into annually had worked when that Finnish nerd found and tinkered with it, making Clippy come alive, for one purpose: So the algorithm could work for once. The masked man cackled. He had grand plans for Malmö. He just hoped Nemo and Alika wouldn't try to fuck it up.

They couldn't though, right? Nobody but him knew where the artists were being held, and it'd take a good few years to put together Clippy's movements to a single base, as they'd been that erratic. He hoped they were at least

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Narva, Estonia - 8:19am
Alika and Nemo had spent most of Tuesday night trying to locate Clippy, or find another person to join the rescue mission. As a result, both of them were extremely sleep-deprived. And here they were, both passed out on the dining table. They'd been sleeping for a good few hours. Then a phone ringing startled Nemo awake. They seemed to have found the rescue team's fourth member (AN: Let's just say W95man joined off-screen, solely because i forgot about him until this afternoon). Luna, Poland's representative wanted to join the search & rescue team. She was about as far off Clippy's radar as you could get, apart from the three countries participating that were impossible for it to get to. With a triumphant look on their face, Nemo turned the phone to silent, and then passed out on the table again.

Warsaw, Poland
Those DMs Nemo sent last night were among the oddest things Luna had ever seen, and the thing that made it weirder is that she belived them, despite the ridiculousness of it all. Seriously, how can a virtual paperclip that had been created before the she had been born suddenly come to life and start kidnapping Eurovision 2024 participants. Thankfully, she wasn't one of the targets. Yet at least. Joining the rescue team put a massive target on her head for Clippy to kidnap her and send her to the 'jail cells' It allegedly has. But nobody touches the dark horse until it's won, which was something she wanted to use to her advantage, and here was her chance. Maybe then the world would stop thinking of the tower as an apology for Bejba and start thinking aboutit as it's own song. Maybe.

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Cork, Ireland - 9:34pm
Bambie stared at the blank word document in front of them. The cursor blinking at them. Why did they always get late-night songwriting inspiration? They were about to go to bed, then a lyric popped into their head that was too good to wait until morning to not start on, and now they're here. They started to write some lyrics out, before something pounded on the flat's door. 'Not the bloody cops with another bogus noise complaint', They thought. Their neighbours really hated pretty much everything about them, and called the police pretty much every night to try and get them evicted. But when they opened the door, they realised it wasn't the police. It was a 6-foot 8" paperclip. They recognised it from somewhere, they couldn't exactly place where though. Until it blurted something out:

Clippy? The thing that used to annoy them on their primary school's computers? Or was this Windows95man dressed up trying to scare people? Or was this a hallucination? It had to be, right? That question was answered with an big fat no when Clippy grabbed them, then took off, covering Bambie in dust as it went through floor after floor of the apartment block. They then passed out a few minute later when they were flying over what they thought was Portsmouth.

Athens, Greece - 1:21am Unlike the rest of the kidnapped artists, Marina had surprisingly slept through all the ways Clippy tried to distract them (Rocks shattering windows, banging on doors, etc.). Now it just could kidnap her without any chance of resistance, or at the very least no cries for help. The last target on the hitlist would truly be gone without a trace. So, it carefully picked her up out of bed and sped out via the balcony, which resembled a warzone with the amount of broken glass spread on it. But then, something went wrong. Marina started to wake up. Clippy didn't notice this until she had screamed in shock that she was being flown across the skies of the balkans by a lifesized microsoft character. This was easily the most insane thing that she had ever seen. A few minutes later, Clippy had gone higher and she had passed out again. This would remain the case until it arrived at it's final destination.

Unknown Location - 2:29am
"Sir, Clippy's returned with the Final capture."
"Excellent. Can you move the dutch one and the croatian to the high-security cells? I can't have them be found if Mettler and Milova try to spoil my plans.
"Yes Sir."

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Eesoo, Finland - 11:07am Teemu had done it. He'd managed to piece together Clippy's flight paths. Solely from reported UFO sightings across Europe. Looking through the mess of lines over his screen,he saw something. All the lines seemed to expand out from Prague. All of them. Looking even closer, they all came out of one place. He grabbed his phone, and immediately started typing out a message to Nemo.

Narva, Estonia - 11:23am
Nemo, Alika, and Luna were planning out how to get rid of Clippy to get to the kidnapped artists. Suggestions being thrown around included: Bolt cutters, A flamethrower, and pure arson. Then, Nemo's phone vibrated. They had a message from Windows95man.

Teemu I think i've got Clippy's base. 50°02'03.2"N 14°25'58.5"E.

Nemo responded with a thumbs up emoji, then copied the coordinates into google.
Where it landed was the weirdest place imaginable. But, oddly enough, they had a friend who could get the three of them in.

Clippy's base was apparently Eagles Praha Baseball Club. Of all the possible places in europe, Clippy chose a random baseball field in Prague. It sounded so unbelievable that it had to be true. So, a couple hours later, the trio were flying down to Czechia.

Prague, Czechia - 3:53pm
Alika wasn't sure what she was expecting when Nemo said Teemu had found Clippy's secret base. She certainly wasn't expecting this, but here she was, right outside the alleged base, and someone was standing there, waiting to greet the three of them.
The moment they found Clippy's base, Nemo called Domi, knowing she'd at least be able to let them into the building, if not much else. After an exchange of greetings, The four of them entered the Clubhouse, half expecting for Clippy to jump out at any moment.
Luna saw it first. A door that had a familiar green, red, yellow, and blue square on it. She ran to the door, and upon opening it, was met by the cold stare of Clippy's creator, and Windows95man's idol: Bill Gates.

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Their jaws dropped so far that they were closer to perth than prague. Meanwhile, back in Finland, Teemu was having a mid-life crisis brought about by this revelation.

When Luna regained the ability to speak, one word came out of her mouth: "Why?".
Upon hearing this question, Gates launched into an evil monologue.

Noticing the billionaire was so obsorbed in his rant, Nemo had slipped past him and was running through the hallway behind him. They were going to find Silvester. Then, in the corner of their eye, they saw Clippy running after them. Nemo tried to get rid of the paperclip by slowing down suddenly, and hoping Clippy would keep on speeding past. And It worked. They conveniently stopped somewhere with 8 doors. 8? That was the amount of acts kidnapped! That means... Silvester's here! Nemo opened the first door, and it was empty. They tried the one next to it. Upon opening it, They knew it was the right one. Silvester was right in front of them. They called out his name, cautiously, hoping Gates hadn't brainwashed him or something.

Nemo ran to hug the Lithuanian. The embrace lasted a minute or so before Silvester pulled back and started to speak..

Nemo's heart was racing. Could it be?

Upon hearing this, Nemo's brain short-circuited. They had to do something. They walked up to Silvester, planted a kiss on his cheek, and said:

The tender moment wouldn't last long though. Alika, who'd managed to escape Gates' speech after he sent Clippy after Nemo, popped her head past the doorframe and said:

Right as she said 'Clippy comes back.' They heard the sound of Clippy's rocket feet in the distance. The group of five took off for the door. Gates was still standing there, waiting for his minion to return with Nemo. He saw the latter running past, then, the door behind him closed, and Clippy was coming right towards him.

With an almighty bang, the two were knocked out.

Nemo had a lot to think about that night. Mainly about what the future with Silvester held. They'd both agreed to wait until after Eurovision to talk about what it would look like. Assuming Clippy and Gates didn't keep come back for more, that is.

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Malmö Arena - 7:31pm
90 minutes until Semi 1 begins, and a lot of unanswered questions about Clippy were still in the air. Mainly about what Gates was planning for it to do. Alika and Nemo both were on lookout in the Green Room, while Teemu, Silvester, and Luna were backstage preparing to perform in the Semi. Then, Clippy somehow appeared out of nowhere. He's coming back with a bang. Literally. He destroyed part of the roof getting in, and (like Nemo) only had eyes for Silvester. The paperclip grabbed the Lithuanian, and started attempting to get away. Having heard the bang, Teemu ran towards the tunnel, grabbing the jorts with pyros attached. He could use them against Clippy, maybe. When he reached the source of the noise, Silvester shouted at him: "Teemu! Help!", from 10 meters up. Fuck. The pyro wouldn't work as well now, would they? He decided to risk it anyway, despite the very real risk of Silvester getting injured, or worse. With a hope that luck was on his side, he started shooting the pyro at Clippy's arm. He hoped to avoid hitting Silvester, and somehow did avoid the Lithuanian, who was falling down, alongside Clippy's left arm, which had melted off. Teemu somehow caught the twink, who was holding the arm for dear life, even though it wouldn't help at all.

3 and a half hours after Clippy attempted to restart it's spree, The first semi had reached it's conclusion. It was time for the qualifiers announcement. Silvester was naturally nervous, even though he knew that him NQing was what? 1 in 100? Maybe more after Croatia withdrew. As the hosts were about to start the announcement, He felt Nemo's hand tighten around his.
"And the first qualifier to the Grand Final is.....Luxembourg!"
"Qualifier number two is…Ireland!"
"The third qualifier is…Finland!"
"Number four is…Poland!"
"The fifth nation to advance is…Ukraine!"
"Number Six is…Australia!"
"The seventh nation going through is…Slovenia!"
"Going through as the 8th nation is…Azerbaijan!"
"Qualifier 9 is…Iceland!"
Alright, he was really scared now. Of the five acts left, he thought all would be certain qualifiers before tonight. Could this be the 1 in 100?.
"And the tenth and final act going through to the Final on Saturday is……Lithuania!"
The entire group in the Lithuanian green room area jumped at those words. And in the middle of the chaos, Silvester kissed Nemo in celebration, revealing their relationship, and blowing up ESC Twitter and Ao3 in the process.

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Malmo Arena - 10:03pm
Alika was really having second thoughts about deciding to come back. She could hear the crowd from the dressing room, and it sounded so much bigger than Liverpool's. She got through the dress rehearsals fine, and then right before the big song and dance she had butterflies and her palms were sweating. She heard a stagehand yell that she needed to be ready to go in the next minute. Her heart was racing, and the back of her mind was reading out the disaster thoughts again. "What If they boo you? What if they know you're not supposed to be here?" The list went on. She walked out of the dressing room, and out to the tunnel, where her staging props were waiting. She'd chosen to recreate the music video, minus the outfit changes. This consisted of several red 4:3 TV's, and a giant speaker. She saw the lights go black, and she was given the signal to go on. When the lights moved into the stage ready animation, she got a cheer from the audience. Her catastrophising stopped, and she started to focus. She could do this. The stage floor lit up white, and she started.

Half an hour later, Europe had voted and the results had been calculated. Alika could hear her heart pounding in her chest. Last year she didn't expect to be in the final, let alone finish 8th. But this year it was all up in the air. 50/50 pretty much. So when the hosts began to announce the qualifiers, she was a nervous wreck.
"The first nation through from tonight is…Latvia!"
"The second nation qualified is…Austria!"
"Qualifier three is …Norway!"
"The next qualifier is…Denmark!"
"Qualifier five is…Estonia!"
When Alika heard that, she felt a massive weight lift off her shoulders. She had done it. Gotten Estonia through to a third straight final, where she'd end up 20th or so, but who cares? Qualifying was her only real goal.
"The sixth nation performing again on Saturday is…Switzerland!"
In front of her, Alika saw Nemo and Silvester both jump up and celebrate. Clippy had a 100% record of his rescued hostages qualifying now.
"The seventh act going through is…Armenia!"
"Qualifier eight is…Israel!"
"The ninth qualifier to the grand final is…Belgium!"
"And finally, the tenth nation going through to the Final is…Greece!"

Gates was planning something big for saturday. His plot to take Silvester was too easy to get through. He needed some help. He called two people. His field agent in Malmö, who had Clippy with him, and one of his college friends who now worked with a certain Swedish quartet. This was going to be big. Very big.

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Prague - May 10th - 7:16pm
Gates had one last plan to stop his Eurotrauma. He was calling in the big guns too. Clippy and the field agent were teaming up with ABBA. Well, not the real ABBA. The legacy holograms had gained a body via the same fucked up magic as Clippy (Don't ask), and now they were about to set off on a eurotrip to threaten national juries. Watching on from behind Gates' desk were Joost and Marko. The two of them had been stuck in their cells for almost two weeks now. Missing their greatest achievement all because a billionaire had been traumatized by a song contest.

Malmo Arena - May 11th - 10:43pm
As Silvester was preparing to get on stage as the 26th entry, he noticed something: A two meter tall box, adressed to Martin Österdahl. It was painfully obvious what was in there (something that rhymes with Chippy). He decided to leave it, knowing it would probably be destroyed within a month anyway. Then he walked onto the stage, and started his performance.

When the green room shook, The gang who had been involved with Clippy shared a knowing look. The paperclip was back for more. Now, they needed to save Eurovision for what felt like the 50 mllionth time. Luna and Alika went down to investigate, while Teemu watched from the security cameras he casually hacked into on Tuesday, and Silvester and Nemo sat nervously with a tight grip on eachother's hand. Hoping Clippy didn't come for one of them like it seemed it always did.

Heading down to the tunnel, Alika and Luna were met not only by the cartoonish eyes of Clippy, but also 5 pairs of human eyes. 4 belonged to what looked like ABBA cosplayers, and the other one belonged to Olly Alexander. The two of them were shocked that Olly was working with Gates, as he was so genuinely kind all week long. Once Luna put enough pieces together to work out what was happening, she ran towards the door, with the ABBA cosplayers in pursuit. Meanwhile, Alika was left with Clippy and Olly. She had only one rational thought. That thought was: get rid of clippy. She started running head-first into the abomination. Before long, Luna was back, having 'dealt with' the ABBAtars, and Teemu had joined the two of them in attempting to murder Clippy. He'd brought the Pyrojorts with him again. They worked on an arm on tuesday, so they'd work on the rest of the body today, right? He started melting the Paperclip with a decent level of success, halfway through the process, Luna noticed Olly had disappeared. Presumably back to the green room where he'd be able to feign innocence. He wasn't the issue here though. Clippy was. Well, actually, not anymore. Clippy was dead! The thing that had been terrorising partcipants since it was created a fortnight ago was gone! The three of them picked up it's remains before leaving it in view of the green room so they could keep an eye on it during voting.

Shortly after Clippy was left lying at the stage doors, the jury voting kicked off. First up, they went to the UK. "...and 12 points from the United Kingdom go to…LITHUANIA!"
Despite celebrating, Nemo and Silvester both were shocked that he'd been given the twelve. The next few votes came and went, Nemo got their first 12 from France, then some more from Spain, Germany, and Italy. They lead for most of the Jury voting. But the televote was where the chaos was going to start. Meanwhile, Alika was in a state of shock. By some miracle, she was third. Õde Ütles finished better in the jury vote than bridges did. She was in with a genuine chance heading into the public vote.

Jury Scoreboard
The televote started off pretty slowly. The first seven entries barely hit 50 points, Denmark being the only exception with 51. When it came to him, Silvester fully expected to get less than 50. But he didn't.
"Next up, we've got Lithuania. Lithuania, from the televote, you recieved…272 Points!"
He was in the lead. Oh god. probably not for long of course, but easily a top 5 in the televote. Nothing really happened for the next few reveals. Sweden and Belgium flopped, Ukraine and Ireland picked up decent hauls, neither able to dethrone Silvester though. A thought crossed his mind after Israel's points were revealed: 'Could I actually win?' It was a pretty much impossible scenario though. For that to happen, he needed all of the year's big acts, and a late replacement, to flop spectacularly, something that seemed mathematically impossible by now. Or was it? France and the UK were up next, and did what they do best (well, at least the UK) in Eurovision. Getting screwed by the televote. The UK scored 69 (nice), while France got 124, leapfrogging their neighbors. Silvester genuinely felt he had a chance now. Of course, that was screwed up by the very next entry.
"Now, onto Estonia. Estonia scored 218 points from the juries, and with the public, they score…308 points! That puts them in the lead!"
The moment she heard the score, Alika did a double take. Was she sure she wasn't dreaming and it wasn't the jury show? That was the only way she thought she was going to end up in first in her mind. But clearly the European public had other plans. While she was comijng down from this high, it just became her against Nemo for the crown, as Italy became another flop, scoring 79 points, barely enough to overtake Silvester.
"And then there were two. Two nations are left in the chase for glory. Switzerland needs 261 points to beat Estonia to the crown. Switzerland gets from the public…" Nemo and Alika sat on the edge of their seats. One of them would win Eurovision and be immortalized, while the other would be forgotten about. "193 points! It's not enough! Estonia wins the 68th Eurovision Song Contest" Alika, unsurprisingly, rocketed down the stairs the moment that was said. Before she did though, she was joined by Nemo, Silvester, and Luna. They'd planned to do a united winners reprise, considering it was the best thing they could do this year without being reprimanded. As the four approached the stage, Luna looked to where Clippy's remains should've been, but they weren't there. Shit. Tomorrow they'd be back on the Clippy trail. Whether it's dead or alive. But tonight, they were going to close out the show.
Final Scoreboard

Chapter Text

Unknown Location - May 13, 2024
Gates was pissed off. The one year he was able to attempt to fix Eurovision, those five had to ruin it. And worst of all, the bloody walking microsoft advertisment had to be the one to murder his minion. At least the british twink had brought back Clippy's remains. Now, he could bring the paperclip back from the dead. Maybe next year he'd be able to actally fix the results successfully. He then realised something. Next year was Eurovision #69, and he was going to have a fun time [I had to put that in lol].

Narva, Estonia - November 16, 2024
The sun's rays pierced through the curtains, waking Alika up. Today was the day that she would finally meet up with Teemu, Silvester, Nemo, and Luna in person again. The five hadn't seen each other since a couple of days after the Grand Final. And somehow all five of them all became wildly successful since Eurovision. She'd earned all the recognition a Eurovision winner gets, Nemo and Silvester were consistently releasing chart-toppers, Teemu had released an album of songs about Windows 9x OS (a bunch of them about Clippy) that somehow hit the top 10 in most european nations, while Luna had been in the US on tour after 'The Tower' went viral on TikTok, just like Snap did in 2022. So, they'd all been busy. They were going to meet in Talinn for dinner tonight, and just catch up.
Tallinn, Estonia - 6:43pm
Nemo had no idea how to tell the others the news that they and Silvester were engaged. Right now, the two had narrowed it down to three options:
1) Don't, then surprise them with the wedding invitation.
2) Reveal it in the Class of '24 groupchat
3) Just tell them and get it over and done with.
Both of them were in favour of the groupchat, as there was no risk that any of the esc twitter crowd would find out and go mad before they wanted to reveal it to everyone else, while the other two ideas just seemed like non-starters. So, that was the plan.
7:39pm Well, option two was the plan, but Nemo couldn't keep a secret that big for too long. Immediately when the conversation turned to what the two of them had been doing, they spilled the tea. "Silvester and I are engaged!" The others went silent for a moment, before the congratulations and questions started rolling in.
"When?"
"Where?"
"Who did it?"
Answering them one at a time, in unison, Silvester and Nemo said: "I/Silvester did it on Halloween, On our apartment's balcony.", then, Silvester added: "We don't know when the wedding's going to be though. You three wil be the first to know when we do."