Archive of Our Own ^beta

Eddie guides Marisol into his favourite little restaurant he likes to frequent with Buck. His grip on her hand tightens when he spots what looks like Tommy. He tugs her towards him to get a better look. 

“Tommy?”

Eddie’s eyes go to the man Tommy is sitting across when he turns around. Buck’s wide eyes lock on Eddie’s.

“BUCK! You’re here too?” Eddie smiles. “You guys hanging?”

Buck glances at Tommy before looking back at Eddie. 

“Yeah, something like that,” Tommy says, noticing the look on Buck’s face and not wanting to out his date on the first night. 

“Cool! Mind if we you join?” Eddie asks. 

Marisol’s grip tightens in his hand. 

“Eddie, I don’t think that’s such a good idea, honey.”

Tommy gives her a tight smile as he realizes that she’s figured it out. 

“Oh, come on! It’ll be fine! I’m sure they don’t mind,” Eddie says. 

“Aren’t you two on a date?” Tommy asks. 

Marisol nods. 

“And you guys want to hang out with us? Maybe you two should spend some time alone, you guys probably barely get any time to yourself. I think you see Buck more than you see your girlfriend,” Tommy jokes. 

Marisol tugs at Eddie’s hand again. 

Eddie frowns.

“You guys mind?” He asks. 

Buck shakes his head. 

“No, it’s fine. Take a seat,” Buck says. 

Tommy gives him a look and Buck gives an apologetic look back. Tommy gives him a reassuring smile in understanding. 

Eddie beams and pulls up a chair beside Buck. Marisol sits beside Tommy with a tight lipped smile. 

*

They’re on their way home when Marisol breaks the silence. 

“You ruined the date,” she says, looking at the side of his face. 

Eddie’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise as he looks at her. 

“Ours?” He frowns. 

“No, theirs.”

Eddie chokes. 

“What?!” He yells. “They were not on a date… that was a joke, right? They are not dating.”

“I think they would’ve been if we didn’t ruin their first one…”

“There is no way. Buck would’ve told me…”

“I think maybe he was scared… he looked like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar when you called out his name…”

“Marisol, there is no way. I don’t buy it.”

She glances at him again and he shakes his head. 

“Honey, are you bothered by that thought for some reason? Why is it so hard for you to believe? Do you not want it to be true?”

Eddie pauses. Why is he so bothered by that thought?

“I’m not bothered…”

“You seem very opposed to the idea that Buck might be on a date… or is it the fact that he might be on a date with a man that's bothering you?”

“Marisol, I’m not bothered by the thought because it’s not true.”

She leans back in her seat and drops the topic as she sees the gears in Eddie’s brain turning. 

After Eddie drops her off on her porch with a kiss on her cheek he heads straight to Buck’s place. Eddie pulls up in his truck the same time as Tommy pulls in. It’s kind of awkward as they all step out. 

“Eddie… what are you doing here?” Buck’s cheeks are flushed. 

Eddie looks between the two of them with suspicious eyes. 

“Can I… talk to you?” He asks. 

Buck looks at Tommy before looking back at Eddie. 

“Everything okay, Eds?” He asks. 

Eddie forces a smile. 

“Yep, just fine. Just a question… about work… and our shift…”

Tommy rests a hand on Buck’s lower back. 

“I’ll call you later, okay?” He says. 

Buck nods and Tommy gives him a hug before giving the two of them space. 

Eddie watches him carefully. He suddenly has the urge to pull Buck behind himself but he forces himself to stay still. 

They watch Tommy get in his vehicle before Buck turns to look at him. 

“Should we go up?” Buck asks. 

Eddie nods and follows behind him stiffly. 

Once they’re standing in the space between the kitchen and the living room is when Eddie goes off. 

“Were you two on a date?” He blurts. 

Buck freezes, his eyes go wide and his cheeks flush.

“What?” He rubs the back of his head nervously. 

“Were you two on a date?” Eddie asks again, slower this time. “Was that a date?”

Buck just stares at him, biting his lower lip. He looks at the ground. 

“Evan…” 

Buck lets out a shaky sigh before nodding so subtly that Eddie almost doesn’t catch it. 

“Is that a yes?” Eddie asks, bending slightly at the knees to search his face easier. 

Buck nods again. 

“Use your words, Evan…”

Buck finally looks at him. “Yes.”

Eddie’s whole world is turned upside down. 

“What?”

“Yes, Eddie, yeah! It was a date!” Buck snaps. 

Eddie holds out his hands in a surrendering motion. 

“Okay… is there a reason you… didn’t tell me?”

Buck doesn’t know how to answer. 

“Buck, is there a reason you didn’t tell me?” Eddie asks again. 

“I don’t know, okay?! I was scared!”

“You were… scared?” Eddie raises a brow. 

Buck nods. 

“I didn’t know how you would react. It’s so new… he just… kissed me and I…”

“He kissed you?!” Eddie growls suddenly. “When?!”

They both freeze at his harshness. 

“Uhm… Thursday…”

Eddie clenches his jaw.

“Thursday? You mean the Thursday you fucking shoved me to the ground and caused me to sprain my ankle Thursday?!”

Buck stares at him with wide eyes. 

“Eddie…”

Eddie takes a deep breath. 

“Sorry… that’s not fair. I know it was an accident…”

Buck looks away ashamed. Eddie notices his face. 

“Right?” He questions. 

Buck’s eyes fill with tears. 

“I’m sorry…” he mumbles. 

Eddie’s mouth drops open. 

“You… you did it on purpose?”

“I… I didn’t mean to hurt you…”

Eddie’s eyes darken. “But you meant to shove me to the ground?”

Buck nods.

“Why, Evan?”

Buck sniffles. 

“I was jealous…”

Eddie stiffens. “Of him… or of me ?” 

Buck doesn’t answer. 

“Talk to me, man.”

“Both… I don’t know, Eddie. I’m sorry!”

“Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you come talk to me? You know I care about you, Buck. You think I wouldn’t have changed anything if I knew how you were feeling? I didn’t do it on purpose! You never even told me you were into Tommy in that way… I didn’t even know you swung that way!”

“I don’t! I mean… I didn’t… I just… I don’t know… he… he’s different. He made me feel… different.” Buck’s cheeks are rosy red.

Eddie feels a burning sensation in his gut and he doesn’t know why.

“He made you feel… different ?”

Buck nods. 

Eddie purses his lips, nodding. 

“I see…”

“Are you mad?” Buck asks.

“Why would I be mad?” Eddie asks.

“I don’t know… you look mad…” Buck says.

“I’m not… I am upset you didn’t think you could tell me about this…”

“I was going to tell you! Just… I wanted to feel it out first…”

Eddie doesn’t believe him but he nods anyway.

“Okay… did anyone else know about this?” Eddie asks.

“I… may have told Maddie…”

Eddie raises an eyebrow at the hesitant reply.

“Chim was also there… who most definitely told Hen… who probably told Karen and Athena… who told Bobby, who talked to me about it.”

Eddie’s jaw clenches. “So everyone knew and you just didn’t tell me.”

“It’s not like that, Eddie!” Buck starts. “I just… I didn’t know how…”

“They all knew and you knew that they did but you still chose not to tell me,” Eddie says.

“Eddie, please, it’s not like that,” Buck says in a rush to explain himself.

“Save it, Buck. I understand. I hope that whatever this is, it works out for you. I’m happy for you. I’ll see you at work.” And with that Eddie turns and leaves. 

“Eddie!” Buck calls out trying to get him to stop but Eddie slams the door shut behind him and leaves.

Buck exhales roughly, eyes welling with tears. 

Shit, did he just fuck everything up?

*

As the weeks pass, Eddie begins to distance himself more and more from the 118 and from Buck, especially when Tommy is around. He also ends it with Marisol, who, for some reason, is extremely understanding. They’ve all noticed and they’ve all questioned him on it but he never gave anyone a straight answer. Buck looks happy and that’s all that matters. 

Eddie can’t figure out why he’s feeling this way and that’s what’s throwing him. He’s never felt like this before and he absolutely hates it. 

Eddie comes home from his shift at midnight and he’s so glad Christopher is with Abuela. He throws down his jacket and keys and toes off his shoes. He’s heading towards his bedroom when there is a soft knock on the door. Eddie frowns. 

Who is visiting him at midnight?

He pauses for a brief second before walking over to the door and looking out through the peephole. He pulls back and opens the door. 

“What are you doing here?” He asks. 

“Can I come in?” Tommy says. 

Eddie sighs but steps aside to let him in. 

“What’s up? Everything okay?” 

“Buck…”

Eddie’s eyes widen in alarm. 

“What about him? Is he okay? What’s wrong? Where is he? He was fine when we left from our shift…” Eddie says panicking. 

“He was until he got to my place and started bawling his eyes out…”

“What the hell do you mean?! What did you do?!” Eddie growls, taking a threatening step towards Tommy, glare on his face.

Tommy steps back holding up his hands in a surrendering motion. 

“I didn’t do anything, man!”

“So then why the fuck is he crying?! What did you say to him?!”

“Nothing, Eddie! I didn’t do anything! He’s upset you didn’t speak to him properly the entire shift or even for the past couple of weeks! He thinks you hate him now because he’s dating a man…”

“What?!” Eddie’s jaw drops to the ground. “That’s not true! And I don’t hate him! He’s my best friend.”

“Well he seems to be under a different impression…”

“It’s not like that! I’m not homophobic or… whatever…” He says defensively.

Tommy raises an eyebrow. “I never said you were.”

“It seems like that’s what you’re implying.”

“I’m not Eddie, but Buck is devastated. Maybe you should talk to him. I don’t understand why you’re suddenly pulling away from him. He hasn’t even seen Christopher in two weeks.”

“I never stopped him from seeing Christopher. He’s his legal guardian, he can see him whenever he wants.”

“Eddie, you can’t really believe that, can you? You won’t speak to him, you won’t look at him, you’ve given him the cold shoulder and you expect him to think that it’s okay for him to just meet Christopher behind your back?”

Eddie exhales roughly. 

“Please go talk to him, I don’t know how to get him to calm down.”

“Where is he?” Eddie asks.

“His apartment, I dropped him off.”

Eddie scowls at him.

“He came to you crying and you just… fucking dropped him off at home?” Eddie growls.

“I didn’t know what to do!” Tommy snaps.

“You couldn’t have comforted him?! Reassured him?!” 

“Eddie, he’s in love with you, alright?! Nothing anyone says will make him feel better unless it comes from you! He won’t believe me!”

Eddie’s entire world stops. He feels the ground slip away from beneath his feet.

“What?” He asks, voice so soft Tommy can barely hear him. 

“You heard me, Diaz…” Tommy says. “He’s in love with you.”

“Don’t play with me, Kinard! It’s not funny.”

Tommy sighs. “You love him too, don’t you?”

“No…”

“Don’t lie. You do, or else you wouldn’t be pulling away as much as you have.”

“I’m not… I don’t love Buck like that…” The words sound like a lie even to his own ears.

Tommy just crosses his arms over his chest and raises an eyebrow.

“You honestly believe that?” Tommy asks. “If you want to tell him, I won’t get in your way. I know he’ll never truly love me as long as you’re around.”

“Tommy, it’s not like that.”

“It is, I see the way you look at him when he’s with me. Do me a favour and put all three of us out of our misery. Please. At the very least, go talk to him.”

Eddie stares at him but finally nods. Tommy holds out his hand. 

“Whatever he decides… no hard feelings?” Tommy asks.

Eddie looks at his hand before looking at his face and nodding, shaking it.

*

Once Tommy leaves, Eddie grabs his keys and heads to Buck’s apartment. He knocks on the door waiting for Buck to open it.

The door swings open and Buck’s surprised gaze meets Eddie’s.

“Eddie?”

Eddie steps in and Buck’s face crumples as he tries hard to hold back his tears. He fails. Eddie’s eyes go wide in alarm. 

“Buck! Hey… easy…”

“You’re here to end it, aren’t you? You don’t wanna be friends with me anymore?” He sobs.

“What? Evan, no… no…” He gathers Buck into his arms who buries his face in Eddie’s neck. “Shh, shh… hey, we’re okay.” Eddie runs his hand down Buck’s back. 

Buck shakes his head and clings to Eddie. 

“Buck… Evan… come on, look at me. We need to talk,” Eddie says. 

“Please don’t leave,” he sobs. "Don't take Christopher from me."

“I’m not leaving, Buck. I’m not. I'm not taking Chris from you. Never. Look at me, please.” He cups Buck’s face and pulls him up to meet his gaze. “I’m sorry for how I’ve been behaving, alright? I didn’t mean to make you upset.”

“Then why were you avoiding me?” Buck sniffles.

“I…” Eddie sighs. 

“Do you not like the thought of me possibly liking men? Is that it?” Buck asks.

“Quite the opposite actually.”

Buck frowns. “What?”

“I… maybe don’t like the fact that you’re with Tommy…”

“Why? I thought you liked him? You said he’s cool.”

“He is cool… I just… don’t want him with you.” 

“Why not? Is there something wrong with him that I don’t know about?” Buck asks, frowning. 

Eddie sighs. “No…”

“Then?”

“Look, I’ve tried being supportive. I really have, Buck, but I can’t do it. I know Tommy is a great guy and I know he’d keep you happy, but if you’ll let me, I’d keep you happier,” he finally blurts.

Buck’s eyes go wide. “What…”

“You heard me… I-”

Buck cuts him off, kissing him hard.

Eddie gasps, stumbling back a step before his hands go to Buck’s hips and he kisses back just a hard. He licks his way into Buck’s mouth, biting and sucking at his lower lip. He can taste the saltiness of Buck's tears on his lips. He licks the taste away. He walks them back until the edge of the counter digs into Buck’s back. Eddie so easily lifts him onto the counter, keeping their lips locked. 

Buck whimpers, wrapping his legs around Eddie’s waist keeping him close. He pulls back with a gasp as he searches Eddie’s eyes. 

“Eddie… fuck…” Buck breathes. His cheeks are flushed red, lashes still wet from the tears. 

Eddie gives him the softest smile, hands resting high on Buck’s thighs.

“Tommy…” Buck starts. 

Eddie’s face falls. 

“I… need to… tell him…”

“What?” Eddie asks, slightly nervous.

“That I’m in love with my best friend.”

Eddie releases the breath he’s been holding.

“He knows.” Eddie squeezes his thighs.

“He knows?”

“He came to me after he dropped you off. Told me to get my shit together and tell you how I’m feeling.”

Buck’s mouth drops open.

“I think Tommy was the best thing that could’ve happened to us…” Buck says.

“Should we send him a fruit basket?” Eddie asks seriously.

Buck giggles. “Maybe… but first…” he cups Eddie’s face and tugs him back into a kiss.