Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Chuuya frowned. The new idea he had for a song that came to him yesterday night right before he was about to head to sleep still didn’t sound right. Something was missing but he couldn’t figure out what it was. Frustrated, he threw his pen onto the small coffee table beside his piano. Exhaustion tugged at him, a consequence of the sleepless night spent chasing a stubborn melody, now culminating in a pounding headache. He got up to go into the kitchen and get some painkillers, he quickly swallowed them down.

The redhead sighed, staring out of the window. It has always been his dream to become a famous singer. Two years ago he finally found a company that was willing to publish his songs - but the fame didn’t really come. He did have lots of fans but he couldn’t compare to any of those big stars. In fact - his sales barely kept him overwater. That’s why he swore to himself to work extra hard, even if it costs him his sleep.

So he decided to make another coffee so he could continue working. 

Suddenly he heard his phone ring from his bedroom. Growling in annoyance he walked over to his room to pick up his phone.

Oh. Kouyou was calling - his manager. And if she was calling it either meant good news or bad news, Chuuya never knew which it was.

He gulped and then took a deep breath before picking up.

“Yes? This is Nakahara Chuuya?” he answered and bit his lip in nervousness.

“Ah, great that you’re awake. I was afraid you’d still sleep at 8AM in the morning after pulling an all-nighter.” Kouyou said on the other end of the phone.

“Well, about that… I haven’t slept yet…” the redhead murmured reluctantly.

“Chuuya… Really? You should look after yourself more..” His manager sighed and the boy knew she shook her head in disappointment.

“That’s not important right now. You called for a reason, right? So, can I publish my new song?” the redhead spoke quickly to change the topic.

Right now it was April and in a few months it was pride month. Since Chuuya knew he was gay since high school it was just a matter of time until he wrote a song about a gay love. And this new song he just talked about, was already a finished song.

“Yes, that’s why I’m calling. Mori gave us the green light for publishing it. But since it’s kind of controversial-” Kouyou began, but Chuuya cut her off.

“Controversial?! Being gay is not controversial! It’s totally normal!” he started to defend himself, rage slowly building up within him.

“Yes, I know. I am just saying, your fans or other people might disagree with you on this.” his manager sighed, “I am not saying you can’t publish it. But the boss does have a condition.”

Chuuya frowned annoyed and calmed his breathing: “Fine, whatever. What is the condition then? Why can’t I publish it normally like every other song?”

“Mori said he will pay for your album productions and music video, no matter the cost but he demands that your song will get into the charts. And for that he wants to hire a top actor to act as your partner in the MV.” Kouyou explained calmly, “He actually already found an actor willing to collaborate with you even though there is literally no profit in it for him. Isn’t this amazing? With this, we can boost your fame easily and make this song trend easily!”

The redhead stared baffled at his cup of coffee. A famous actor wanted to act in his music video and most likely making losses because Chuuya wasn’t really famous? What the hell was going on? Why would someone successful wanting to work with a failed singer like him?

“And that’s all? I just have to collaborate with this guy, basically for free? What’s that actor getting out of this?” the boy asked to confirm and shook his head in disbelief. He was convinced he fell asleep on his piano and was dreaming. Such a chance in a lifetime - and it just flew into Chuuya’s lap. This was no way in hell happening.

“I actually don’t know that. The contracts aren’t worked out yet but his name is Dazai Osamu. His company, the ADA Company, wants to talk in person first before signing anything.” Kouyou continued explaining calmly but Chuuya wasn’t listening anymore. 

As soon as the name ‘Dazai Osamu’ fell, he was thrown back in memories.

Dazai Osamu.

His first fucking love from high school.

The person he couldn’t get over in years.

AND HE WAS SUPPOSED TO WORK WITH HIM?

Anger started boiling in his stomach again. What was that slimy bastard up to? After all he did to the redhead, why would he appear now? Was he only after the collaboration to make fun of Chuuya? That bastard had the luck of getting famous and wanted to rub it into his face? Now everything made sense. Of course nothing happened by chance and this was just another way that fate decided to torture him.

“What…” the redhead hissed and bit his lip again.

“Dazai Osamu. I’m sure you have heard of him. Actually, you can easily look his name up. He recently acted in very famous J-Dramas and played really famous roles there. I think his most recent is called ‘True Beauty’ and it’s a really big hit, everyone loves it. And he is willing to work with you, this is a chance in a lifetime and you can’t pass it up, Chuuya.” Kouyou continued talking happily.

Yeah, from her point of view it was. But Chuuya knew better what an asshole that guy was. He still had nightmares about what Dazai Osamu did to him. He was everything to the redhead. And back then, Chuuya thought that he was the same to that bastard too. 

“Yeah, yeah, I know who he is…” the redhead hissed and dug his left hand nails in his palm as an attempt to calm himself, “But why does it have to be that guy? There are countless other rising stars…”

“Hm? Chuuya, you should be grateful. His company will make losses when your song doesn’t get into the charts. And he is willing to collaborate even after knowing the risks. In fact, he was the only actor that agreed to those conditions. Every other actor demanded that you pay them no matter how much losses you make.” Kouyou explained firmly, “We will meet up with him and his company next week. Get presentable and try your best to convince him that your song will get into the charts. He might have already agreed to work with us but it still couldn’t hurt when you win him over personally.”

Chuuya rolled his eyes and just hung up. Whatever, he didn’t seem to have a choice. He threw his phone on the bed annoyed and went straight to the bathroom to take a calming cold shower. 

This conversation brought his headache back and no painkillers would help in this case. 

Because Dazai Osamu was so famous, he already saw him way too many times in social media or in the news. But now he had to face that bastard again? And even worse, he had to talk to him too, make himself pretty and handsome just to meet THIS guy? 

That guy didn’t deserve to even be thought about. 

Chuuya sighed and leaned against the wall.

But the worst part - after all what that bastard did to him - he still missed what they had. The way he stroked through his hair. The way he gave him forehead kisses. The way he ’d hold his hand and pull him through the school corridor. The way he was the only way that understood him. The way he always made the redhead laugh and feel so unendlessly loved. All of their secret date nights. So many memories were flooding Chuuya’s brain and he couldn’t help but tear up. And after all they had - that bastard had nothing better to do than screw up and hurt the redhead to the point it was unforgivable.

He still saw the memory in front of his eyes as clear as it was yesterday.

Dazai Osamu’s look in his eyes, how he coldly stared down on him. 

“What do you want from me? I don’t know you. I’d never hang out with worthless gay scum like you. Don’t ever talk to me again, misfit.”

Chuuya sank down the wall in the shower, water still running over his body. He whipped away upcoming tears that didn’t seem to end at all. 

Back then this switch in attitude happened from one day to the other. Dazai Osamu even started bullying him afterwards. The rest of his high school year was horror. Luckily, that guy changed schools for the last year of education. 

Until today, the redhead didn’t know why his first love changed so drastically. But he didn’t want to know it either. He was done with this scumbag. He still had enough unhealed scars from back then. He was not ready to rip them up even more.

After he was done showering he went back into his bedroom to check his phone. Of course, his manager texted him afterwards. Not surprisingly she sent him Dazai Osamu's Wiki page and a long text about how important this meetup for Chuuya’s career was. As if he didn’t know that himself. He still refused to see that bastard again, especially after all those years. He never received an apology either.

Exhausted, the redhead turned off his phone, not even answering his manager and just laid down in bed. He was done with all of this for now. He just wanted to sleep and forget about everything. 

He stared at the ceiling. 

Of course, the first thing that came to his mind was a memory - of them at age 16 - again.

They laid in the grass on a small hill, right outside of the town, it was already dark and probably already long after midnight. The both of them snuck out of their homes to meet up in secret. Tonight there should be a star shower and Osamu had invited him to watch it together. The brunette always had so many date ideas and Chuuya loved every single one of them. Osamu was the best boyfriend he could’ve had.

The redhead turned his head towards the brunette, smiling gently. His boyfriend also looked towards him and gently stretched out his hand to stroke some hair behind the small boy’s ear. 

The moonlight made Osamu shine even prettier than usual. His eyes sparkled with joy and love, his whole body language screamed for love for Chuuya. And he felt it, too. With every touch, with every action, the redhead knew how much he meant to the taller man. 

Chuuya chuckled and looked into the sky again.

“Ehhh? Making fun of me loving your hair again?” the brunette asked pouting and turned away from him, showing his back towards Chuuya.

“No, silly, use your brain…” the redhead grinned slightly, knowing that his boyfriend only acted this way to get attention and love, “I’m happy that you exist and asked me out, stupid airhead.”

Osamu looked back over his shoulder, still pouting, but directly looking at Chuuya. “You mean it?” he whispered, the smaller boy almost didn’t hear what he had said.

“Hm? Of course, silly. You’re the best thing that happened to me. Thanks to you, high school got 200% better. You can calculate yourself how much that is though, you’re the one that loves math.” Chuuya answered and also stared at Osamu.

His boyfriend started laughing then, sat up and leaned over the redhead to kiss him gently and lovingly.

A bit surprised, Chuuya kissed him back.

At that exact moment, shooting stars fell from the sky.

Chuuya broke free from the kiss, grabbed Osamu's chin gently and turned his face towards the sky. “Osamu!! Look!”

the brunette looked up at the sky in awe. “Let’s wish for us to always be together. I never want to lose you, Chuuya.”

In the next moment - about a year later - Chuuya was walking in the school corridor towards their secret meeting spot, it was early in the morning. Usually the both of them came to school early just to spend some time together before classes but for some reason, Osamu wasn’t here at their meeting spot. The redhead didn’t think anything of it, sometimes his boyfriend was late because he had to deal with something. But usually he would always text Chuuya. 

He looked on his phone, but no new messages. He couldn’t help but worry.

He leaned against the wall and waited and waited, but his boyfriend never appeared. Confused, he started walking to class because it was getting late.

Was Osamu sick? But why wouldn’t he inform him? In his thoughts he bumped into one of his classmates. “Ah, sorry. Have you seen O- Dazai?” Chuuya asked and took a few steps back.

He wasn’t particularly close to anyone in school, his best friend, Hirase, was in a different school. He didn’t have any time for more anyway, since he mostly spent every free minute with the brunette, even though they kept their relationship a ‘secret’. It wasn’t hard to see how close they were. But to outsiders, they acted as ‘friends’.

“Hm? I saw him talk with some girls in the locker hallway.” The classmate answered and shrugged, “Is everything okay? You guys are usually always together.”

“Oh, yeah, yeah, we… fought.” the redhead quickly lied and immediately turned around to walk towards the lockers, even more confused than before. So he was in school but didn’t say anything to Chuuya? Something wasn’t right. 

And just as his classmate said, Osamu stood there, leaning against his locker, surrounded by girls. He always was popular and easily got along with everyone, the redhead knew this and also expressed his jealousy countless times. Usually, the brunette would always reassure him and limit contact with girls that were flirting with as much as possible. Since no one knew about their relationship, that happened also pretty frequently.

Chuuya walked towards them, holding his breath. In these moments, Osamu usually dismissed all of his admirers and came straight towards him. But not this time. the redhead knew that Dazai had noticed him and yet he still continued to talk to the girls, laughing and joking with them.

Everything felt wrong. The usual warm feeling he got while looking at the love of his life was gone. He didn’t feel their red thread connection either. Osamu was his soulmate, he knew that, and yet at this moment, he didn’t feel their connection.

Chuuya tried to speak up, but his voice wasn’t loud enough over all this chatter. And in that exact moment, the bell rang, calling everyone to class. Sadly, they weren’t in the same class so he couldn’t even confront the brunette in the lessons.

The group of girls around Osamu disbanded and Chuuya took this as his chance to grab his hand and get his attention.

“Hey! What’s going on, why weren’t you there in the morning?” he asked frustrated and looked up to his boyfriend, searching for the usual spark in his eyes.

Osamu turned around, looking coldly down on the redhead. No feelings in his eyes. No shimmer or any warmth left. The hand Chuuya grabbed didn’t feel warm either. There was a clear distance between them, a gab, a rift, the cut of ends of their red threads hanging in them.

After staring at Chuuya for some seconds, the brunette finally spoke up: “What do you want from me? I don’t know you. I’d never hang out with worthless gay scum like you. Don’t ever talk to me again, misfit.”

The redhead blinked, perplexed, widening his eyes. He let go of his boyfriend’s hand. He felt his heart shatter into pieces. What did he just say? Hurt and confused, he didn’t know what to say. 

Yesterday everything was still normal, he still remembered the soft kisses they shared when they said goodbye. Osamu’s bright smile while winking and walking backwards so he could see Chuuya longer. The good night text after they both got home safely. 

And the brunette didn’t even give him time to answer, he just turned around and left. Some students were still around and they saw everything. The news about their fight spread like wildfire in school and not even in a day, no one talked to the redhead anymore, especially the boys.

Chuuya woke up in the evening, his pillow wet from crying in his sleep.

Of course his brain had to let him dream about one of the most heartbreaking memories. Back then he really thought that Osamu was his partner for life. They dated for almost 3 years after all. 

The redhead shook his head. He did not want to think about this shithead right after he woke up. 

He picked up his phone and his heart sank into his stomach. Right, he forgot. Aside from having to deal with almost daily nightmares he also had to face him in a week in person. Chuuya shivered.

His manager texted him again.

Kouyou

Chuuya, I don’t know what’s gotten into you but I just want  make sure you’re okay. If you don’t want Dazai Osamu in your MV that’s fine but it’s a one in a lifetime chance.

Also, if this song isn’t successful, Mori said you won’t be able to publish your own songs for a while. He wants you to try new, mainstream stuff  written by others instead. I know this is not what you want though which is why I strongly advise you to take this chance. It could give your career the final push to be successful. Think of it as using him for your benefit. 

Kouyou was right. As much as the redhead despised that bastard, he was hella famous and this was his chance to fame. 

Chuuya bit his lip and took a deep breath. As much as he wanted to have a tantrum over how much he hated Dazai Osamu’s guts, he needed to look at this situation as a professional. And refusing such an opportunity just because of personal feelings was not the way. 

Chuuya

Hey.

I calmed down. You’re right, I can’t pass this up. But it’s  important to me that I test his resolve personally. You might not know this but he and I went to the same high school and  back then he made a homophobic impression on me. He  might have changed but my song will be published to support  lgbt and its movement and I will not have an actor in it who  clearly does not support it. 

Chuuya read over his text before sending it. This should do it. He secretly hoped that Kouyou already disapproves of Dazai Osamu  and cancels the meeting. Let the problem be solved by itself. It would make getting famous harder but his mental health would be saved. 

While making himself some food, his phone notified him about a new message from his manager.

Kouyou

Thank you for elaborating. I already checked his social media  and some interviews and I really think that there is no cause  to worry. He never mentioned lgbt in any way, nothing  positive or negative. He should be safe. Just get to know him  again at the meetup.

Nuts. Seems like he didn’t have any option. Frustrated, he sat down with his instant noodle bowl and started eating. 

And then he got an idea.

What if he took his revenge instead? Who said he couldn’t make Dazai Osamu feel the same way he did? All the hurt, disappointment, confusion, all the tears - that’s only what that shithead deserved. And the redhead could do it, he knew how attractive he himself was. If anything, he knew that the feelings Dazai Osamu  displayed back then were not fake, despite how good of an actor he was. So why shouldn’t he fall again for Chuuya? And after the shithead fell for him hard, he’d take his revenge and shatter Dazai Osamu’s heart, just like he did with Chuuya’s.

Chapter Text

The week leading up to the meeting with Dazai Osamu flew by in a blur. And Chuuya made good use of it, too. He worked out his plan to perfection. In simple terms: seduce his target and break his heart. He even picked out date locations already. 

This was Chuuya’s new goal in life. And today the execution of his plan will start. And by that, he’d wear one of his best outfits he had.

He chose his most expensive suit: an Italian black ensemble paired with a dark orange tie. If that didn't show Chuuya’s fake sincerity towards the deal then he didn't know what would. 

He also let his hair open and hang over his shoulder and not to forget - he chose one of his hat’s - a darker pork pie hat with some light metal feathers on the side - and some black gloves he'd always wear. 

One last look into the mirror and then he left the house. He loved his outfit, it made him feel confident to face the situation. He'll show this idiot of an actor what an amazing person he's become, especially thanks to all the hardships he had to go through. Oh yes, he will show that shithead that he is fine without him and seduce him with his confidence at the same time. At the end of the meeting, Dazai Osamu will kneel before Chuuya and follow his every command! At least, that's what the man had planned. Truth be told, he had no idea what went through the brunette’s head.

Kouyou was already waiting in a car downstairs. Chuuya lived in a skyscraper family complex on one of the higher floors. It was only a two room apartment, since he couldn't afford anything else, but that was fine with him. His piano stood in his bedroom which he tried to make as sound proof as possible with some modification in the room to not annoy his neighbor's too much, and so far that worked out really well.

“Oh wow, Chuuya, after your reaction I didn't think you'd be taking this meeting seriously.” His manager remarked as Chuuya entered the car. 

The redhead grinned mischievous. “Oh no, I take this meeting very seriously, it will decide about my future after all. I will show this idiot of an actor how high my standards are.” Chuuya explained and sat down in the passenger seat. 

Kouyou nodded and started driving. “You can do that but don’t forget that you need his cooperation for our goals. You need to get more famous at all costs.” 

The singer rolled his eyes annoyed and sighed: “Yeah yeah, I know that! I just refuse to be treated badly just because I'm part of the LGBTQ com-!” 

His manager fell into his word: “That's okay but don't forget, Dazai Osamu already knows that your song is about two gay men and still agreed to cooperate. I don’t think he has anything against it. Don't have prejudices, okay? Enter this meeting with an open mind.” 

Chuuya frowned, slightly pissed. Of course he knew that, but the Dazai Osamu he remembered wasn't like that at all… anymore. He used to be but for whatever reason, he changed without any explanations. And Chuuya certainly didn't have high hopes that this idiot of an actor would now be any different. But one thing he knew: The redhead was as attractive as ever and Dazai Osamu will fall for Chuuyas charm, the brunette did once and will a second time.

“Look, just go into this meeting with an open mind.” Kouyou said and parked the car.

Chuuya remained silent, gazing out the window. The meeting was at ADA Company headquarters. The redhead took a deep breath before exiting the car. This is it. He’d see his first love again after 5 years. He was so not ready and yet he also was kind of looking forward to this. He noticed how his thoughts slowly drifted back into memories. 

Quickly he shook his head. He had no time for this now. He had to seduce Osamu again, make him his and then break his heart.

Like a prayer, Chuuya repeated that sentence all the way up to the meeting room. He was so focused, he didn’t even pay any attention to his surroundings.

“Okay, Chuuya. Remember, open mind.” Kouyou whispered, snapping Chuuya out of his thoughts. 

They stood in front of a wooden door with stained white windows in it so you couldn’t look inside. Next to the door hung a shield with ‘Meeting Room 5’ on it, the walls were in coloured in a light blue. The floor was grayish carpeted and in the hallway stood some flowers next to some paintings where no doors were.

Chuuya’s heart started beating fast. Right, he’d see Osamu again. The past few days he couldn’t think about anything else. The hatred and the love he felt for that bastard and all the things the redhead never got to say to him.

His manager opened the door and Chuuya could see from the side that Dazai Osamu and another man - assuming his manager - sat already inside. 

His heart started beating fast. The actor looked amazing. His hair color was still the same brunette as back then, he wore a white suit with a black shirt and a brownish orange tie. Even Chuuya had to admit, he looked as gorgeous as always.

The room itself also was pretty nice, there was a huge white desk in the middle of the room and about eight chairs stood around it, some blue flowers were in a vase in the middle of the desk. There was also a big screen on one wall for displaying information. 

Kouyou entered the room and sat down in front of the other man. The singer took one last breath before following his manager and sitting down next to her.

He could feel the burning stare of his first love who sat across from him, but Chuuya did not dare look him into the eyes. Now that the situation actually happened, his confidence vanished. As if the nightmares the past years weren’t already enough torture. 

“Welcome to our company. I am Kunikida Doppo, Actor Dazai Osamu’s manager,” the man next to the brunette began. He also wore a suit but his was slightly beige, he was blonde and his hair ends in a really long ponytail. He also wore glasses. 

“Thank you for inviting us and for giving us this wonderful opportunity. I am Kouyou Ozaki and this is Nakahara Chuuya, the writer and producer of the project we will talk about today.” Kouyou introduced them, smiling gently. 

Finally, Chuuya had the courage to look up to the man sitting in front of him. He held his breath, searching for emotions in the brunette’s face but aside from a fake smile he didn’t find anything. Rage started to fill the redhead’s body but before he could say anything, Dazai Osamu started speaking: “No, I have to thank you for giving me this chance. I am sure, agreeing to this meeting alone must’ve been quite hard and I promise, I will do my best for this job.”

What? Chuuya knew this was a formal meeting but that shithead could not even say a simple ‘sorry’? After all Chuuya had to go through because of that bastard? 

And at the same time, hearing the brunette’s voice after so long almost made Chuuya tear up.

Kouyou continued talking, not letting the redhead a chance to speak up: “Ah, Chuuya here already mentioned you guys went to the same high school. I also heard that you didn’t get along well. Considering what happened, why do you want to work with us?”

Chuuya couldn't take his eyes off the brunette. He knew Dazai was acting, which only fueled his anger more.

“Right, I feel guilty for what happened and want to make it right. I know that I don’t deserve your forgiveness, Chuuya, but I really hope you’ll give me a second chance.” Dazai Osamu continued explaining and smiled softly.

Chuuya couldn’t help but stare at that smile. This time, it was not faked nor acted. He knew, it was genuine. He longed for seeing this soft and gentle smile, while looking down at him and telling him the sweetest words.

Chuuya bit his lip and looked down on the table. This was harder than he had imagined. In his mind, the brunette was still the bully that broke up with him but in this situation, he only saw the person he fell in love with from all those years ago.

Kunikida continued then: “Also, we need a favor. As you may already know, working on this project is objectively not good for us. Recently, we got a warning that said that someone will publish all of Dazai’s deepest secrets to ruin him. We don’t know if it’s just made up or not but because Chuuya is a part of Dazai’s past, we’d like to plead for absolute silence on the matter. In exchange, we will give all of our best efforts to this project, no matter how much losses we will make.”

Ah, so that’s what it’s about. Osamu never really wanted to work with him to begin with and only wanted to buy his silence. And Chuuya almost fell for those manipulations too!

“I see. Just to clarify - Chuuya’s song is about a gay romance. This might spread rumors about Dazai’s sexuality or even lose him fans.” Kouyou said firmly.

The brunette immediately answered: “That doesn’t matter to me. I am bi, I might not have come out to the public or dated a man in the past few years but that still doesn’t change who I am.”

Kunikida added: “If I am being honest, I’d love to change Dazai’s mind on this matter because lots of his fans will disagree with this. But there was no changing his mind.”

“It’s fine. I know that.. Dazai is bi and having a queer actor act in the MV is what I wanted all along.” Chuuya finally said after finding his voice again, giving his best to not sound too heartbroken or sad. He looked up to Dazai Osamu, looking him directly into the eyes and then continued talking as calmly as possible: “Truth be told, it was really hard for me to agree to all this. For now, I don’t have any other options. I need my song to reach people or otherwise I won’t be able to write and produce songs anymore, that’s the ultimatum my company gave me. I will be silent on the matter and if I have to - even give a false statement about what happened, but only if you will promote this song on your official accounts multiple times, making a clear statement you are a part of this project and the queer community.”

The brunette started chuckling slightly and leaned back, his eyes filled with warmth: “Of course, I will agree to these terms~” Quickly Chuuya looked back on the table.

“H-hey, Dazai! You can’t just agree to this, what will your fans think?!” Kunikida turned to the actor in rage.

“It doesn’t matter. We won’t get any better terms. Besides, this is a great deal and covers everything we wanted to archive in this meeting!” Dazai complained pouting and looked back at the blonde, his facial expressions shifting back to acting within seconds.

Kunikida frowned and just nodded. Kouyou added: “I agree. This is a good outcome. We will send you the contracts within a week.”

“That’s great. Thank you for helping us out.” Kunikida said calmly and bowed his head formally. 

Chuuya bit his lip. Somehow, this meeting went well, he knew that, but he wasn’t satisfied, not at all. He didn’t get any answers to the questions tormenting him, nor an apology and it bugged him. He carefully glanced back at the actor just to see him staring at him. 

“Also.. Would you mind meeting up privately to… catch up?” Chuuya finally mumbled and held his breath in anticipation. What if all of the ‘remorse’ talk was also an act and he only wanted to use the redhead? 

“No, I wouldn’t mind. I also want to catch up with you but in my case it was not appropriate to ask given our past.” Dazai Osamu answered with a soft smile again. Chuuya couldn’t help but stare at his lips. He still remembered the soft and intimate kisses they used to share.

“Great, let me give you my number then.” The singer said quickly and turned his face to Kouyou, who gave him a piece of paper with a pencil. He quickly wrote it down and handed it to the brunette, careful to not touch him.

“Thank you, really, for giving me another chance.” Dazai Osamu said calmly and directly stared at Chuuya again.

The redhead scoffed and shook his head: “I haven’t forgiven nor forgotten what you did to me. But given my situation I am willing to work with you and lay my grudges aside.”

“I understand, really. I was foolish and weak as a teenager and I will make it up to you, I promise.” The brunette mumbled with a hint of sadness in his voice, his ‘acting mask’ completely vanished. But Chuuya just looked away and bit his lip again. He himself struggled to stay professional in this meeting, especially because he didn’t tell his manager anything about their past. And he didn’t want to start crying here either, especially because Dazai Osamu didn’t deserve his tears.

“In any case, this concludes the meeting. Thank you for coming here and giving us this chance.” Kunikida broke the awkwards silence and stood up to lean over the table and shake Kouyou’s and then Chuuya’s hand. 

They quickly said their goodbyes and then left the room, but the redhead wasn’t mentally present anymore. This meeting utterly confused him. His ex-boyfriend changed back to the person he fell in love with and it was messing with his head. And he didn’t achieve anything from what he planned, he didn’t talk much, he wasn’t confident, he couldn’t even control his feelings properly.

“Chuuya, are you okay?” Kouyou asked, a bit worried while leading the singer to the car.

The redhead snapped back to reality and looked at Kouyou and shook his head, then mumbled: “No, I don’t know what to feel.”

His manager opened the door for him and raised her eyebrows worriedly. “Do you want to talk about it? I noticed you were kinda off at this meeting.”

Chuuya got into the car and looked at his hands lying in his lap, murmuring reluctantly: “This song I wrote… It’s about my first love, from high school. Coincidentally, Osamu.. is that person. I am still not over our break up but nonetheless I still wish back for those happy times. And as an attempt to finally finish the chapter, I wrote this song. But now, it feels like all the wounds that have started to heal are about to burst open again.”

Kouyou entered the car in the meantime as well and started the motor, nodding slowly and then answering: “I see. Why didn’t you tell me sooner? We could’ve tried to look for a different solution.”

“Because there is no other solution, he is the only one who would agree to those terms because of our past.” Chuuya shook his head and sighed, “It didn’t end well. He didn’t even dump me properly and instead humiliated me in front of the whole school out of the blue, without any warning. I don’t even think I can forgive him.”

“Was it this bad? I noticed the tension and it also stood out how important this meeting was to Dazai..” Kouyou mentioned in thoughts.

“To be honest, I think he only wants to use me because his career is in danger. But I don’t care, I am doing the same after all.” Chuuya hissed and bit his lip, looking out of the window. It still hurt.

His manager didn’t answer and drove the singer home. There was nothing more to say, there was no way they could know the actors real intention. Especially because the redhead was convinced that Dazai Osamu did not have any good intentions, why would he change back all of a sudden? 

Before Chuuya could leave the car, Kouyou began to speak again: “Look, I don’t know what happened but for what it’s worth, I think that Dazai genuinely wants to make up with you. He didn’t seem like a bad person at all.”

The redhead started to laugh slightly and shook his head, then answered condescendingly: “You didn’t even notice he was acting 95% of the whole meeting. He did not show his true colors, he wasn’t his real self! And it pisses me off, doesn’t he know I can see through his poker face with ease?!”

“Hey hey hey, Chuuya, calm down. I am sure it would’ve been a lot different if you two were alone but Kunikida and I were present as well. Whatever his real persona is, he probably wanted to stay professional just like you did.” His manager immediately disagreed.

“Tsk, I still was genuine! I told my true feelings while being polite!” Chuuya hissed and crossed his arms, digging his nails into his upper arms, the anger boiling in his stomach, “I don’t understand this guy, why did he have to come back?! Couldn’t he just be happy with ruining my high school life?”

“Nakahara Chuuya! I said you should calm down! Complaining about it now won’t change anything, you should rather concentrate on conquering the situation that you’re in now!” Kouyou said with a loud voice to interrupt the redhead, “Use that energy of yours to come up with a good MV idea. Don’t forget we’re doing all this for your future.”

The singer didn’t answer and just got out of the car, slamming the door shut. He knew his manager was probably right. But right now, he was just way too mad to listen. He took his phone out and texted Gin, his best friend, to meet up. 

“Chuuuuuya~~ Chibiiii~ Wake uuuup~ You fell asleep in class!” A very familiar voice said and the redhead could feel someone stroking through his hair. He opened his eyes, yawned and raises his head, just to look into hazelnut brown eyes that were filled with love and passion. 

“Mhm there you go, you're finally awake~ Thank god the teacher didn't notice.” Dazai chuckled, looked around quickly to check if someone was looking before kissing Chuuyas forehead shortly. 

“H-hey we're in school…!” The redhead whispered with big eyes in shock and quickly covered his forehead with a hand. 

The brunette grinned, tilted his head and mumbled quietly, only that Chuuya could hear: “Mhm and? Can't I show some affection to my new boyfriend? I finally have you, so why shouldn't I show you how much I love you?”

His smile was warm and soft, Chuuya couldn't help but blush and smile slightly too. “Gosh you're so embarrassing…” The redhead mumbled and looked away, there was no way he'd admit that he liked his boyfriend to talk this way to him.

Now, Chuuya stood in front of a small bar, ready to forget that soft smile that had stirred old memories. He was so confused, the ‘new’ Dazai was not what the redhead was prepared for and he now needed to get his mind off things. 

Chapter Text

Since the last two semesters, he couldn’t forget this one guy. He still remembered clearly when he first noticed that guy. It was at the sports festival in July, it was super hot outside. Usually, he hated school but on this day, everything changed.

The day started like every other day, his driver drove him to school and as soon as he entered it, girls started swarming around him. So was the life of the handsome, popular guy. 

He just walked past all the girls and went straight to his classroom, not thinking much of it. But then, he saw this guy, sitting on the table and looking out of the window while eating some snack he probably bought at the school kiosk. 

The rising sun let his red hair look like it was glowing, he looked small and slim. The whole classroom was unusually silent and you only heard a few whispers. He shook his head and just walked to his seat, not paying any attention to the new guy. 

Though he was the most popular guy in school, his own class mostly didn’t think so, especially the guys. Some girls still liked him, but they never ever talked to him for some reason. Actually, he knew the reason for that. The class president hated his guts and did everything he could to make his life worse.

Shortly after he seated, the homeroom teacher entered the classroom and checked attendance, before leading us outside for the sportsday. He really didn’t look forward to it, this day was always so bothersome and exhausting. 

Apparently, his class got a new student and he moved here because of family. And since they also had a sick student today, the new guy will just participate in her place even though he was a guy. She didn’t seem to participate much anyway.

Up until now, he didn’t pay any attention to the sports festival. Colorful banners hung around all over the school, loud music was playing near some kind of stage and tons of groups of students were talking over it. And the hot sun shining down didn’t make anything better.  Already half of the day passed, and it was shortly after lunch break. Now, the teamsports will be played. Since his school was known for having a strong volleyball girls team, every year there was a small tournament which class could win against them.

So, he sat down way back at the spectator stands and was just glad that he didn’t have to participate at the mini-tournament. 

But then, something caught his attention. The new guy walked up to the regular girls team and bowed his head, seemingly introducing himself. Was it even okay if a guy played with the girls? Also, those girls were almost professionals, why would he play on their team? Shouldn’t they rather let a substitute from their club play? 

He was utterly confused but he couldn’t stop from grinning. This guy got more interesting by the minute! 

The redhead actually walked up with the main team on the field. His start position was on the left back side. He couldn’t believe that he would actually play with the girls! He doubted that this small shrimp could even properly play! He didn’t know anything about volleyball but even he knew that it was common knowledge that height and size was one of the most important things in this sport.

The match started and at first, you really saw that the girls were not used to playing with the new guy. He seemed to not play too badly but he really got to attack or pass the ball. Still though, they won this game with ease. No wonder, they played against first graders who never participated in this mini-tournament before.

In the second match, the girls seemed to have gotten used to him and oh boy - the moment the guy jumped up to spike the ball down… 

He felt a strange flutter in his chest, a mix of curiosity and something he couldn’t quite name. The air was thick with the smell of sweat and sunscreen, and the distant cheers from other matches created a constant background hum. But he didn’t notice any of that then he only had eyes for one guy.

He never had seen something more beautiful. The redhead seemed so agile and he even had some strength - at least it looked that way when he spiked the ball down. 

The new guy landed on the ground and turned around to go back to his starting position and that’s when he saw his ocean blue eyes, and his seemingly flawless face. Now he hated himself for not paying attention at the attendance this morning - he could’ve known that guy’s name!

For the rest of the games, he couldn’t stop watching the new guy play. For some reason, everything he did seemed to be interesting to him. Every image was burned into his memory. He would never forget how the redhead ran his hand through his hair and how he whipped the sweat from his face. Heck - how can that even be interesting or.. Hot? He didn’t understand himself, what was happening to him?

His cheeks flushed, flustered by himself that he could ever think and feel that way over a guy! 

He got ripped out of his thoughts, as he heard some girls whispering in front of him.

“Is that the new guy that's playing in the girls team?” One of them asked curiously and tilted her head.

Another one said: “Yes, he is a new student. He’s actually in my class. His name is Nakahara Chuuya. They told us he transferred in the middle of the year because his family moved here. But, I don’t think that’s true. My mom told me about the transfer already a week ago and he supposedly is from an orphanage. And the reason is unknown, too. What if he’s some kind of gangster? Do you see how strong he spikes the ball? He surely did something bad at his last school, I am sure of it! You better stay away from him if you don’t wanna get in trouble.”

“What? Really? So the guy doesn’t even have parents? How should he even be normal and be a good guy if he doesn’t have someone who teaches him discipline and manners?” a third girl mumbled and sighed.

“Right, and also he didn’t speak a word to anyone aside from introducing himself in the morning. He isn’t even social! He’s a total weirdo!” the second girl answered and stood up, “Come on girls, let’s get something to drink! It’s way too hot here!”

The other girls agreed and they walked away. 

Nakahara Chuuya, eh? Even his name sounded angel-like. He didn’t understand what the girl’s problem was. So far, the new guy seemed perfectly fine to him. Maybe a little shy and not interested in his classmates but everyone had different priorities. Maybe… he was some nerd who was really good at school? In that case, he could get the redheads attention by grades! The only hurdle was his class president, who was top of the class… But only because he himself had no interest in being the best!

He shook his head. For the first time in his life, another human being intrigued him enough to actually want to go to school and see him again. That didn’t mean though, that he would ever talk to him. He never could admit that a GUY was interesting. And also, he was sure the class president already told the new guy all sorts of lie’s about him, there was no way the redhead would ever like him back, right?

He stared down on his phone, to be precise on a newly added contact info. He didn’t know how much time had already passed just staring at the new number. He finally got his chance to make everything right, even if it was forced! After all this time, he finally had the chance to see his high school love again!

It felt exactly like this back then, too. 

He sighed, laid his head down on the table and turned the phone towards himself.

And yet - he didn't have the courage to text them first. He was the one who messed everything up in the past, he was the one who wasn't strong enough to protect them. It was all his fault. He knew that, and yet… he still craved them and wanted them back, at all costs. 

He bit his lip and clenched his hand around his phone.

Normally, confidence was never an issue. He knew what he was good at, what his weaknesses and strengths were. But this person in particular made him nervous and insecure.

He took a deep breath and pressed on the button ‘message’ and a chat window immediately opened up. The first thing he noticed was the profile picture in the top right corner. 

It was a young man in his twenties, with striking orange hair with a section that falls over his right shoulder. The guy leaned his forehead against a kitten’s head while closing his eyes and with a soft smile. He wore a white shirt with fancy silver decorations.

He knew instantly that this was one of the photos that were taken for the latest single the young man published. In fact, he saw that picture already a dozen times, since he was a huge fan. Not only that, in his free time he even managed a twitter account dedicated to the singer ‘Chuuya Nakahara’, the person of his admiration. 

A small smile formed on his lips. Just half an hour ago, he even got to meet the redhead again! It was not the reunion he hoped for, and yet he still couldn’t be happier to see him face to face again, finally, after all these years. 

Of course, as his #BiggestFan, he attended all the concerts at least if his own schedule allowed that. Even Fan Meetings, though those always were a bit hard. For all he knew, Chuuya still hated him and with reason, too. But for now, the singer never saw through his disguise. He never got recognised by any of his own fans either. For Chuuya - he would take any risks. The feelings of guilt of what he did, eating him up, every single day, thus these past years he did everything to support him to attempt to make all of his actions right. 

He continued to stare at the profile picture and then he realized - if this is indeed one of the singer’s official photos, did that mean he didn’t get Chuuya’s private number?! 

He sat up abruptly and checked the contact info and sighed. Of course he wouldn’t get his private contact info. Why would he even hope that?

The door to the room opened and a blonde tall guy entered the room. “Dazai - I talked to the boss just now and he also thinks we shouldn’t sign the contract. I know how important it is to you but we will really make more losses with this. Your family won’t support this and you do know that the biggest reason you were so successful so fast is them, right?”, the guy asked and sat down in front of him. 

The brunette leaned back and looked at his manager in all seriousness, then answered: “Yes, I know that. And I don’t care. We don’t need my family as sponsors. I am famous enough now, am I not? Fixing my relationship with Chuuya is really important to me and if the only way to be close to him again is through work then so be it. I can’t make it up to him if we aren’t in contact.”

“Look, I know how important this is to you but your family’s sponsorship is over 50% of our revenues. No fans or projects could ever make that money”, Kunikida sighed and laid down some paper in front of the actor.

He leaned over the table and looked at the income statistics. Of course, his manager wasn’t wrong. His family owned a big fashion company and since Dazai modeled for them and also wore tons of their stuff in official meet and greets or shows he participated in, they paid tons of money to the company. 

He bit his lip and shook his head before saying: “But we can’t rely on them forever. There has to be other sponsors out there who want to work with me, right?”

“I also thought about that but your family drives everyone away because you’re their star. They advertise you everywhere. I think we even are contract bound”, the blonde explained, “Here, I brought it with me. There. It says that they can break off the sponsorship if you should participate in any project they don’t support. If you really wanna do this, get their permission first.”

Dazai looked away and sighed. No way in hell would he get permission from his father to participate in a gay song…

Suddenly, the brunette’s phone started to ring. He was startled and grabbed it. Who the hell would call him now, while working? 

Akutagawa Ryunosuke

He blinked perplexed a few times. This was one of his fellow actors that looked up to him, he worked with him already on a few occasions. They exchanged numbers at some point but never really were in contact. So why would he call all of a sudden?

“Who is it?”, Kunikida asked curiously.

“Just one of my fellow actors.. The Akutagawa one”, the brunette answered and ended the call. Right now he really didn’t have time for a fan. 

“Ah. Maybe that guy wants a collab too? He is from the same company as Chuuya after all”, the blonde said and chuckled slightly. 

Huh? The redheads company also had actors in it? That meant if they didn’t find any actors they could just take any one of their own for Chuuya’s song! This can’t happen, Dazai needed to sign this contract asap!

He quickly opened the chat with Akutagawa and started typing a message: 

‘Hello, Akutagawa. I am sure you were calling because of your fellow artist Chuuya Nakahara’s song’s MV. Don’t worry, I will..

But he didn’t even get to continue typing because the other actor sent him a picture.

Perplexed, the brunette stared at it. In it was Chuuya, his Chuuya, his head laying on the shoulder of a girl, his eyes closed but red, he assumed that the redhead had cried recently. In the background he saw the logo of a bar, and the dim light just confirmed the location. He held his breath. So right after the meeting the singer went straight to a bar to get drunk? Did the redhead really think this badly of him? Did he mess up the reunion too? But didn't he express how much he wanted to make it up to Chuuya?

Akutagawa called again and this time he was sure to accept it.

“I gotta take this call…” Dazai mumbled and accepted the call, holding his phone to his ear, “Hello? This is Dazai Osamu speaking?”

“H-hello Dazai. I'm sure you saw the picture I sent you just now. My sister actually sent it to me, telling me to forward it to you. Sh-she is with Chuuya right now and told me to tell you that this is all y-your fault and that you should s-stay away..” Akutagawa stuttered rather shyly. The brunette bit his lip in anger. 

How dare she!? How should he make everything right when he doesn't get the chance to?! 

Dazai took a deep breath before he asked: “Akutagawa. Where are they?” 

“H-huh? I-I don't think it's a good idea to go to them now! My sister is furious!” the other actor answered surprised.

“I don't care. I wanna know where they are. Now. You know it, right? Tell me.” the brunette said demandingly. He needed to get there and fix the situation, somehow. He couldn't stand to see Chuuya like this, being drunk on someone else's shoulder!

—

And another glass…

Chuuya grabbed it and started to gulp down the next glass of alcohol. 

“Hey, you! Can we talk after school?” A tall guy walked up to Chuuya during the lunch break. Right now, he sat at his desk looking through the schedule they got today. The winter semester just started, after all. He looked up to the tall guy, he had brown hair and brown eyes, and his face was drop dead gorgeous. Wow. The redhead never thought that someone as handsome as him would ever speak to him.

“Huh? Yeah sure, let’s meet up on the rooftop?” Chuuya asked and admired the brunette’s stature. He was so skinny and tall compared to himself. 

“Yes. I’ll be there!” The guy smiled happily, bowed his head respectfully and he walked back to a different table at the other end of the classroom. Apparently his class got a new student..? Chuuya didn’t even notice - his only friend was in a different class this year and he was sort of an outcast in his own class. 

The brunette started talking to some girl then and he started laughing. Wow - his laugh was drawing Chuuya in, it was so beautiful.

He shook his head and took a deep breath - the redhead knew that he was attracted to guys even if he didn’t want to admit it. 

Chuuya clawed into his glass and frowned, tears slowly rolling down his cheeks. He still remembered this day as clearly as day. That day, Osamu Dazai asked him out, out of the blue. They were classmates before but never had anything to do with each other, not even projects. Chuuya had always been kind of an outcast due to his temper and him being an orphan.

He grabbed the bottle of alcohol aggressively and filled up his glass again. He just wanted to forget everything, goddamnit! Why did he remember all of this now, for fucks sake?! 

“Chuuya~~” he heard a voice calling out this name, “Chuuuuuyaaaa~~ ChuChu? Chibi!” 

Irritated, the redhead looked up just to face a handsome brunette with deep brown eyes, he smiled like an angel and leaned down. “Started dreaming in class, eh?”

Chuuya widened his eyes and blushed embarrassed before immediately looking away. “N-no, of course not! I was concentrating, that is all!” he said hastily.

The brunette started laughing, it sounded so happy and soft, the redhead couldn’t help but smile himself. 

“Right right, you can’t fool me~ But aside from that, wanna hang out today?” the boy in front of him asked, Chuuya heard the smile in his voice without having to look at him. Then, not even giving the redhead time to answer, the brunette lowered his voice and leaned down even closer, so that his lips were directly in front of his ear. He whispered: “Or rather… go on a date with me?”

He quaffed the glass he held in his hand in an instant, tears streaming down his face. He heard Dazais voice calling him Chuuya clearly in his head, how he laughed, held his hand and pulled him after himself. His radiant smile, how his eyes shined.

The redhead took a deep breath, looking down in his glass and trying to control the upcoming tears. That bastard didn’t deserve his tears at all! And yet he kept crying for his sorry ass! 

“CHUUYA!” He heard a loud voice next to him. He got scared for a second and looked next to him, his best friend Gin sitting there and sighing: “My voice finally got through to you! God, are you okay?!”

He just shook his head and looked back at his glass. 

“Well, the meeting was today, wasn’t it?” She asked carefully and laid a hand on his shoulder to comfort him.

Chuuya nodded and bit his lip before whispering: “He was his old self again. At least, one the surface. Quirky, acting happy…” 

The tears came up again, and he couldn’t stop it. HE started sobbing and mumbled in between sobs: “He constantly said he wants to make it up to me but he didn’t even apologize! I have constant nightmares of him and suffer from ptsd for years and that's all he can manage?! He acts as if I would forgive him that easily! I endured so much, I deserve a heartfelt apology, don’t I? A-and aside from that, I can’t forget his voice, his smile, and his beautiful hazelnut eyes! He did so much to me and yet I can’t hate him, what is wrong with me?!” 

Gin widened her eyes surprised by his outburst and pulled him into a hug, pressing him close to herself. 

“He really treated you like shit, didn’t he? He doesn’t deserve you at all…” She mumbled bitterly. She knew Dazai personally too. Her brother worked closely with him at some point and she heard all kinds of stories.

“He did! B-but h-he wasn’t always like that…” Chuuya started whispering, “I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life, damnit!”

Gin bit her lip and stroked over the redhead’s head. “Yeah, I know. Let’s trick him. Close your eyes, Chuuya.”

“Hm..?” The redhead just did as he was told and closed his eyes. He felt so exhausted and he really just wished he could stop caring. 

The rooftop of their high school was their ‘secret meeting spot’. And today, Osamu had promised to meet up with him after class. Chuuya sat cross-legged on the concrete, his fiery red hair catching the last rays of the setting sun. 

One moment later, the brunette walked through the door, panting from the climb up all the stairs that led to the rooftop. Then, Dazai leaned against the water tower, watching Chuuya with unabashed adoration.

"Do you ever think about the future?" Chuuya asked, his voice tinged with uncertainty. They were together for almost two years now, they only had one year of high school left.

Dazai approached him slowly, kneeling beside Chuuya and taking his hand in his own. "I think about us," he replied, his gaze unwavering. "I think about a future where we can be together.

Chuuya squeezed his hand, a smile tugging at his lips. "You're crazy, you know that?"

Dazai leaned forward, pressing a gentle kiss to Chuuya's lips. "Maybe," he murmured against his mouth, "but I'm crazy about you."

The redhead grinned blushed and kissed him back shortly before breaking apart. “And now seriously? I was wondering what you wanna be someday!”

The brunette got up and walked towards the railings. “Remember? I confessed here after school too…” His voice grew quieter as he bit his lip, eyes distant.

Chuuya watched him and sighed: “Quit changing the topic. I know you never talk about it and I get it, it’s hard to know, but soon we start our last year of high school.. And you have really good grades, you can do anything!”

“Fine, fine, you got me..” Dazai mumbled defeated and turned around, leaning against the railing, “I don’t know what I wanna be some day, I only know I want you in my future.”

The redhead blushed hard and looked away flustered, his heart racing. “D-don’t just say something so embarrassing…”

Dazai started laughing slightly and looked up at the sky. “You’re just like a little kid, you know that? I was totally serious over here!”

“W-well it’s not like I don’t want that too! But aside from that, I wanna be a singer someday! Imagine -  me, being on stage and singing my heart out! Hot, right?” the redhead blurted out and looked back to Dazai excitedly.

The tall guy blinked a few times and seemingly got really flustered, his cheeks flushed and his eyes widened. 

“Oh? You like that thought? Then imagine what clothes I’d wear! I’d finally be able to wear stuff from the store, maybe ripped up jeans and a sleeveless top.. Oh, maybe I should grow my hair out! What do you think?!” Chuuya continued talking excitedly.

Dazai turned around immediately and looked down at the building. After a few minutes of silence he mumbled: “What a wonderful dream you have. I’ll do everything I can to protect your future dream, I am sure you’ll be able to fulfill it. I’ll always be your #BiggestFan!” He turned around and looked at Chuuya smiling, his eyes filled with love and something else - something Chuuya couldn’t quite decipher, “Let’s make your dream a reality, okay? I heard you sing before; you’re super talented and I wanna support you in everything!”

The redhead’s smile widened. He stood up, walked towards Dazai to hug him and to rest his head on his chest. “Thank you so much, Dazai.”

Chuuya opened his eyes again and sighed. He freed himself from Gin’s embrace and looked back to his empty glass. “Goddamnit, drinking didn’t help at all…” he mumbled, defeated and laid his head down on the table.

“Mhm, that's true. But I think I just got the perfect revenge for you, my dear Chuuya~” Gin chirped and held her phone towards him.

Chuuya narrowed his eyes to see more clearly. On the screen was a photo of him just a few seconds ago, where his head still rested on Gin’s shoulder.

“I will get my brother to send this to your ex as soon as we leave this place. He will come running and fuming here, seeing you on another person’s side! If he really tries to be the good guy now I am sure he wants you back, that’s just how guys are! But we won't let him, you’ll see!” She declared and stood up, “Come, I’ll get you home.”

Chuuya got up carefully, his head spinning. How much did he even drink? He grabbed the chair to hold his balance and breathed fast. “I don’t think I can walk…” He muttered and bit his lip, tears coming up again as he saw Dazai Osamu’s smile in front of his eyes again.

“H-hey you okay?” Gin hurried back to him and leaned in front of him.

Chuuya just nodded and took a deep breath. “Can you pay my tab? I’ll pay you back tomorrow, when I’m clearer in my head..”

Gin agreed and Chuuya stumbled out of the dimly lit bar, his mind clouded with alcohol and emotions he couldn't quite untangle. The night air was cool against his flushed skin as he leaned against the brick wall, trying to gather his thoughts.

As he stood there, a familiar tune drifted through the air from a nearby street performer. The melody was hauntingly beautiful, pulling at Chuuya's heartstrings and momentarily distracting him from his troubles.

He found himself drawn towards the music, his steps slow and hesitant. The performer, a young man with a worn guitar, noticed Chuuya's approach but continued to play, his eyes closed in concentration.

Chuuya stood there for a while, letting the music wash over him. The ache in his chest didn't subside, but for a brief moment, he felt a sense of peace. Music was always his escape from everything.

After the song ended, Chuuya approached the performer, digging into his pocket for some spare change. The young man looked up, offering Chuuya a weary smile of gratitude.

"That was beautiful," Chuuya said softly, his voice hoarse from the alcohol.

The performer nodded, his smile widening slightly. "Thanks. It's what I do."

Gin walked up to him and laid her arm around Chuuya’s shoulder and pulled him close. “Let’s get you home. I’ll make you some tea there! Also, I already gave Ryu his instructions. That dimwit should be here soon and find NOTHING!”

Chuuya chuckled softly. He was glad, he had such a good best friend at his side.

As they walked away, Chuuya realized that maybe, just maybe, there were still moments of beauty and solace to be found amidst the chaos of his life.

Chapter Text

Chuuya heard someone knocking on his door in the orphanage. This was new - usually the kids at the orphanage just went in without considering if he even had time for them. A bit confused, he walked towards the door and opened it - only to see his boyfriend, Dazai, standing in front of him.

“D-dazai? What the hell are you doing here..?!” the redhead blurted out surprised and stepped a bit back to let the brunette in. 

Dazai grinned and walked in, looking around in the room. “Want to surprise you~ Since we've been together now for a month, I wanted to take you out on a date” the taller boy said while handing Chuuya a freshly picked rose, “For you~ Picked out the prettiest rose in our garden to match the prettiest boy in the whole universe~.”

Chuuya widened his eyes, surprised, took the rose and blushed hard, then started stuttering: “Y-yah… stop being s-so cheesy…”

The brunette started laughing and took the smaller boy's hand, kissing it gently. “What? You only deserve the best treatment, you are MY boyfriend after all~” 

Flustered, Chuuya looked away, completely overwhelmed by the wonderful person standing in front of him.

“My, my, did you forget how to talk? You’re so sweet~” the brunette chuckled and stroked over the redhead's cheek and turned his head towards himself, “I know we’ve not been together for long, but, know this, I want this to last, okay? Let me in your world, Chuuya, let me be your one and only.”

A bit surprised, Chuuya looked up to Dazai, his mind racing. “You cheesy bastard..” he mumbled and tiptoed to kiss the brunette as an answer. 

Grinning, Dazai kissed him back and pulled him close by his waist. Together, they stumbled towards the wall and the taller one pressed the younger one against it.

After a few moments, they broke apart and Chuuya finally was able to calm himself down. “Alright, Osamu , I am done saying your last name. We’re close now, alright? You won't get rid of me that easily anymore! That being said, let me get a vase to put the rose into and then take me out on that surprise date you talked about!” Chuuya mumbled and stared directly into the brunette’s brown eyes, almost losing himself in them.

Osamu smiled brightly and stroked through the other guy's hair. “Of course, I have planned a lot for today! I will make you the happiest guy on earth, no, the whole universe!” he grinned proudly.

“Tsk, keep talking. You can’t suck up to me with those slimy words of yours..” Chuuya mumbled blushed and hurried out of the room. This bastard knew exactly how to make his heart race! It’s only been a month but so far this relationship was the best thing that could’ve ever happened to him, everyday was a day he was happy because of some small thing that happened because of his wonderful boyfriend. He couldn't believe that it’s already been a month!

When he came back to his room, he regained his composure and he brought back a vase with water for the rose which he put down by the window. 

“So, Chuuya, is this your room? Do you share it with someone?” Osamu asked and sat down by Chuuyas bed.

“I used to share it with someone when I was little but she got adopted when I was nine. And, well, since then I’ve had the room to myself. But I don’t mind, more privacy for me~” the redhead answered, chuckling and sheepishly looking back at his handsome boyfriend.

“Oh~? Do you think I could stay the night sometime? Don’t worry, I won’t do some unholy things to you until you’re ready~” the brunette answered grinning and stared right back at Chuuya.

“Mhm who says you’re the one doing those unholy things to me, hm?” Chuuya started grinning himself and walked over to Osamu, looking directly down at him, his heart racing like crazy again.

The brunette widened his eyes a bit surprised, but not looking away and breathing in sharply. “Not gonna lie, alone the thought makes me go crazy about you…” he whispered and licked over his lips.

Chuuyas stared briefly at Osamu’s lips before looking straight into his eyes again. “Mhm so you’d like that, hm? Like this, then?” he mumbled quietly and leaned closer over the brunette, making him fall onto the bed behind him.

But shortly before Chuuya was able to kiss him, he heard a loud voice yelling behind him: “Madam, Chuuya is making love with some boy!!”

The redhead flinched and immediately got up, looking back to the door. One of the younger kids of the orphanage stood there, holding the door handle and staring at them both.

“For fuck’s sake, knock!” Chuuya exclaimed and walked to the kid, but before he could shove him out, a few more gathered around the door and all of them stared at Osamu, who just got up from the redheads bed.

Flustered, Chuuya tried to explain himself but suddenly he felt the brunette hugging him from behind. “So, Chuuya can’t have someone he loves, hmm? I’m his boyfriend, nice to meet you~” Osamu said next to Chuuyas ear, his heart starting to race even more. 

From this day on, the kids regularly asked about Osamu when they were eating together.

—

Chuuya woke up after a few hours. He felt like there was a constant pounding in his head, that only got worse. He grimaced in pain and sat up, the bright light in the room making him nauseous. 

Fuck, what happened? He remembered calling Gin, his best friend and then going to a bar. But afterwards, nothing. Did he really drink that much?

He slowly got used to the brightness, his head still pounding with pain. Chuuya sighed and carefully got up, scanning his surroundings. Apparently he had slept on a sofa that was standing in a quite spacious living room with a huge TV. There were huge framed puzzles hanging at the walls and on one side was a wall out of windows.

He wasn’t at home? What the hell happened? Did he get laid and was now at some guy’s place? But Gin would never let anything like that happen, right? Wait - did he even meet up with her? He only remembered texting her, not actually meeting her.

He walked over to the huge window to look outside and the view was astounding! He was high up in a skyscraper and below was a buzzling street. To make the view even prettier, the sun was setting at this exact moment. Chuuya couldn’t help but be mesmerized. This view deserved to have a song written about!

But before that - Chuuya felt an urge to throw up. He hurried outside of the living room and found himself in a hallway that led to 5 more rooms! 

At that exact moment he heard footsteps. He looked up at the person coming out from another room. He had red short spiky hair, amber eyes and about a head taller than himself. This guy was seriously handsome - but wait, if he was at a guy’s place, did that mean he actually was railed yesterday?! His career was ruined…!

Chuuya went pale, took a deep breath before looking up and mumbling: “G-good morning…”

The guy chuckled and tilted his head before answering: “Hi. So you must be the famous Nakahara Chuuya. I heard lots of stuff about you from Gin. I am Tachihara Michizo, her roommate and we play in the same band.”

The singer blinks confused for a few seconds to collect himself before starting to laugh awkwardly. “Hahaha, yes, right, that’s me… Can we talk later though? I need to go to the bathroom…”

Tachihara pointed at one of the doors at the end of the hallway and Chuuya hurried there immediately to throw up. After he was done he cleaned himself up and looked into the mirror.

Tachihara, eh? It was a relief nothing happened. Since he was roommates with Gin, this must be the dorm she told him about some time ago. The redhead actually never visited because of his tight work schedule. And Gin recently joined a band too which made her super busy as well. No wonder he didn’t know what his best friend’s roommate looked like. 

According to Gin, the guy was arrogant and impulsive but that’s not the first impression Chuuya got from him. Aside from that, Gin apparently also fought a lot with him. Why did they live together despite that? No idea.

Chuuya took a deep breath and walked back into the living room. The jacket he wore yesterday layed on top of the sofa arms and his phone on top of it, charging. 

He bit his lip nervously and picked it up and opened it. 

Dang. He had a few missed calls from his manager, of course. Did something scandalous happen while he was drunk? 

He opened up twitter and checked his own name but to his surprise, nothing came up. He was as unpopular as ever. 

Confused, he then opened up his messenger app and even more confused, he stared at the chat in the top of his screen.

Dazai Osamu

Did he text the guy? Whatever happened, he had 7 messages from him and a few missed calls. 

His heart started beating fast and he bit his lip. What the hell did that idiot want? Why was he spamming him with calls, as if they still had a relationship! Chuuya would never get manipulated by simple things like this, pah! But what should he do? Should he read the messages? 

The singer tried to remember what happened but to no avail. He sat down on the couch and sighed. He couldn’t give in, no matter how much his heart yearned for it. Dazai Osamu didn’t even apologize. Just thinking about that made him mad. So the best course of action? Deleting the messages without looking at them. Like that, they couldn’t even touch Chuuya’s heart! Pah, as if he’d give that heartbreaker attention so easily! In your dreams!!

It knocked on the door and Tachihara came in with a tablet and two coffee’s on top of it. “Hey hey, delivery!” he said and put it down on the coffee table in front of the sofa.

“Thanks man” Chuuya replied and took one of the cups.

“Gin is out right now - she’s getting some stuff for a hangover soup” the taller guy said, “She told me to look after you in the meantime. Nice to meet ya!”

Chuuya nodded and nipped at the coffee. “Uhm, say, did you see me yesterday and was I weird somehow? If so, I am sorry… I was really waisted…”

The other guy started laughing and just shook his head. “All good, man! When I am drunk, I am way worse! To me, it looked like you had a really bad day though.”

The singer started laughing awkwardly and put the cup down. “To be honest, it’s still not better. Let’s say a bug is… bugging me and I can’t get rid of it.”

“What a metaphor~” Tachihara chuckled and sat down next to him, “Wanna talk about it though? Gin said you’re a really cool guy and that we’d get along great. And what’s the best way to get close quickly? Some lore talks~~”

“Lore talks? What a fun way to say this..” Chuuya chuckled slightly and sighed, “But I don’t think I can talk about it much. It’s my personal life mixed with confidential information my company hasn’t published yet..” 

Tachihara nodded understanding. “I get it. Hah, let’s exchange secrets! I’ll go first. I have a huge crush on Gin!” He laughed and emptied his cup of coffee.

Chuuya looked at him stunned: “What? For real? Does she know?”

“No, of course not. She is way too precious to me to lose over something like that. Besides, I am sure she doesn’t like me like that. The only reason we’re living together is because we can split expenses. Our band gig does only make so much so we both work secondary jobs too. Living here is really expensive, ya know?” Tachihara explained and somehow the guy seemed a bit down.

“Makes sense.. Luckily for me my company pays for my apartment. Are you guys in a freelance band?” Chuuya asked curiously.

“Mhm we’re looking for a company to sign us but we’re not good enough yet since the band is newly formed.” Tachihara continued to explain.

“Well, can you show me something you guys played? Maybe I can talk to my company or we can make a collaboration or something.” The singer shrugged and nipped at his coffee again.

“Ehh? You would do that? That’s great but right now, we really need to practice more. I’ll come back to that one day though.” Tachihara chuckled and got up, “I’ll get some more coffee. Gin should be back any moment now too.”

Chuuya nodded and glanced back at his phone. Somehow.. The deleted chat still bugged him. Something back in his mind really wanted to know what Dazai Osamu texted. He shook his head quickly and drank up his coffee. That guy didn’t deserve his worry, in fact, he didn’t even deserve the slightest bit of attention.

Frustrated, he opened the chat window with Dazai Osamu - with zero messages as expected. He turned off his phone and threw it on the couch next to him while pouting slightly. Yeah, what did he think? That the messages magically appear again? Dream on, Chuuya!

Then, he heard how the front door opened up and Gin’s voice echoed through the hallway: “I’m homeeee!” 

Relieved, the redhead got up and walked out of the living room to greet his best friend: “Hey there.”

“Oooh, Chuuya you’re awake! That’s splendid. I’m gonna make some hangover soup for breakfast, just relax, alright?” Gin answered and walked straight to another room after closing the front door.

“Right, about yesterday…” Chuuya sighed and followed her, “Did something happen at the bar? I don’t seem to remember anything. I think I really went too far yesterday, but I couldn’t stop myself at all… Did… that guy… text me, call me or something? When I woke up he spam called me through the night and texted me a few times..” 

Gin started unpacking the groceries and nodded slowly before answering: “You’re right, you went completely overboard yesterday. Hell, your tab was crazy high! I usually wouldn't be so stingy but I really need the money myself this month! Do you have any idea how long the bill was?! Were you drinking a marathon or something?” 

Chuuya leaned against the wall and chuckled slightly. “Sorry, sorry, I get it.. I’ll send you the money later.”

Gin didn’t have to say it, the redhead knew what she wanted to say. He shouldn't think about the brunette and just forget him already, he was not important in his life anymore.

“Hey, do you think I should just not take the deal? Not, like, take his help for this job?” Chuuya mumbled and looked out the window.

“Well, first of all, you have to do what feels right to you. Of course, for your career, he IS the right choice. He will attract a lot of attention, in fact, so much attention that it might as well change your whole career. But if you don’t feel good working together with him, it might not be the right choice in general” Gin said while she started preparing the ingredients, “But in the end, what do you want? He might be an asshole but it seems to me like you still haven’t let go, am I right? You hate him for what he has done to you which is fine - but in the end, you still want to reconnect with him, right?” 

Chuuya bit his lip while listening to his best friend. She was so right. He didn’t know what he wanted more. Of course, he wanted revenge for what Dazai Osamu did to him, all those years of pain and suffering, his ptsd not letting him forget. Everything reminds him of his past love. But at the same time, he was yearning for what he lost and up until now, he never was interested in anyone else like he was with Dazai Osamu.

“I want to keep writing songs.. I need to be successful this time or I won't be able to perform my own songs anymore. It has been my dream to become a singer since I was a kid - I love singing so much. And, I also know that that guy has always supported me. So, maybe, he is just keeping his promise? I mean, if he wants to make up now for what he did to me - why do it to me in the first place? I just can’t understand why he acts this way.” The redhead shook his head and sighed.

“Honestly - that guy is a mystery to me as well. I have no idea what’s going on in his head. But if he’s already giving you this opportunity on a golden plate, why not take it and use him? You don’t have to open up emotionally at all.” Gin shrugged nonchalantly and started cooking the soup.

Nodding slowly Chuuya agreed: “True.. He is giving me a really good opportunity that I shouldn’t pass up. And in the worst case I can just ask a stand-in for the kiss scene…” 

“KISS SCENE?!” Gin turned around surprised, her expression saying more than a 1000 words. Chuuya knew she didn’t think it was a good idea in an instant.

“Yeah, it’s really important in the script and fits perfectly for the song. It’s a must and should be classified information, since it's not released yet. But I really don’t.. Think I can kiss him after all this time, even if it's acting. Especially because he can just act the kiss out, but I.. can’t.” Chuuya shook his head and sighed again, “I’ll talk to my manager later. Thanks for listening to me. I’ll stay for the hangover soup but then I really have to get going. I can’t ignore my manager any longer, I’m sure she is super worried about me.” The redhead mumbled and stretched himself. As much as he wanted to keep running away from his past, it was time to face it.