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Chapter Text

Lucien was sipping from a hot cup off coffee on Elain's couch. He'd made breakfast and left it on the kitchen counter, he had some time before he was yet to do his duties for the night court and he wanted to spend them with Elain, when she made it out of bed that is. He heard the almost silent sounds of the shadowsinger's feet as he came downstairs, most fey wouldn't have even picked up on it- sensitive hearing be dammed, but Lucien had spent a long time hearing those footsteps- willing or otherwise.

"You can help yourself to the food in the kitchen" Lucien calls all singsong

"I wasn't aware I needed permission from you" Azriel calls back as he makes his way into the kitchen

He returns to the living room and takes a seat on the other end of the couch, as far away from Lucien as he could sit. He has a mug of hot coffee in his hands, Lucien had brewed a whole pot. 

"What? Food not good enough for you?" Lucien taunts

"..." Azriel gives him no reply 

They sit there in silence. Neither of them making any effort to talk to the other. It's not like they were friends or lovers, they were acquaintances and tolerated each other when necessary. Most of the time the only reason they interacted was because of Elain. Personal grudges and interests are put aside for their shared mate. It was a strange situation, 2 males bonded to a single mate, but it was the situation they had and neither of them would ever trade it-for it would mean trading Elain. They kept interactions to a minimum; Night Court matters, The occasional threesome when Elain requested it, the mornings after and whenever Elain wanted to see both of them. Their interactions kept to that, and that alone.

Both of them turned their heads to the side subconsciously, towards their approaching mate. Elain appeared at the door and smiled at the both of them. She was practically glowing from last night, it made Lucien's heart twinge with a spot of warmth.

"Good morning" She said, her voice sweet like honey

"Good morning" Azriel says

"Good morning Elain " Lucien says, smiling at her "How are you?"

"I'm just lovely " Elain answers

"There's food for you in the counter" Lucien tells her and she practically skips her way to the kitchen.

She comes back to the living room, plate of food in her hand as she sits down in the space between Azriel and Lucien. Almost immediately both males move towards her, pressed slightly against her sides. She takes a bite of the food before smiling again and turning towards Lucien.

"Did I mention how much I love you?" Elain tells him, still chewing on her food. 

Lucien beams at her compliment. She swallows the food and gives him a kiss on his cheek. Lucien sticks his tongue out at Azriel, who is glaring at the show of affection.

"Feral Fox" Azriel says, narrowing his eyes

"Brutish Bat" Lucien returns with equal disdain

Elain laughs at the pair of her mates. She leans over to Azriel and Kisses his cheek. She takes Lucien's hand in her own and leans her head onto Azriel's shoulder.

"Don't be jealous" She tells Azriel " I love you both equally"

Azriel wants to tell her that he's NOT jealous of that princeling. But he instead settles for turning his head to kiss Elain's forehead. On her other side Lucien lifts Elain's hand to his lips and kisses her knuckles. The mating bond tells him to pull Elain away, to hold her tight against him, his mate. But Lucien is Elain's mate too, Elain wants the both of them and Azriel would do Anything to make Elain happy-mating bond or otherwise. 

And anyways, how could he pull Elain away when she's smiling like that , albeit at the fox, but she was still happy. And beautiful. And like sunlight, and Daisies and the freshness of the morning dew in spring.

Elain turns her head back towards him and smiles. It makes the little knot of the mating bond in his chest go warm and soft. If Elain could glow like Feyre then Azriel would be blinded completely for Elain glowed so much and so happily without that dawn magic. And the fact some of it was just because Azriel was there made him feel even happier.

She tugs Lucien towards her with their joined hands. Lucien complies and lies his head down in her lap, his red hair spread out around his face like a circle of flames. Elain cups his face with her right hand and the one eyed man leans into her touch. She then raises her left and pulls Azriel's head so his forehead rested against hers.

"I Love you both so so so much" She says

Azriel doesn't doubt it. Not even for a second. For how could he possibly doubt her? Elain with her honey sweet voice and pale pink lips. Elain with her soft brown hair and star-speckled freckles. Elain with her smile like sunshine and a joyful twinkle in her eye.

How could he ever doubt her? How could he have ever lived without her before?

His mate. His love. His everything.

Elain wished this could last for ever. She would love nothing more than to spend the rest of her life in moments like these. This past decade and a half has been blessed with so many beautiful moments and happy memories. With Lucien's smirk and Azriel's subtle pout, the smells of her mates mingling in the early morning air, the taste of Lucien's cherry pastries and the Flowers Azriel would bring her every weekend. With Nesta's snark and Feyre's pride in her son, with Mor's laugh as she shares a particularly saucy bit of gossip. With Azriel's hair in the mornings, sticking up every which way like a tangle of twigs, with the soft whirring of Lucien's eye as he scanned Elain's face for her tell-tale signs of lying.

So many happy memories with them all.

But so many more to come.

Without her.

But that was her choice to make. She had seen it months ago, when her dreams had been laced with magic and truth and foresight. She knew it would hurt them. Her mates, her friends, her family. That they would grieve, blame themselves, that they would wish she had chosen another way. But she chose this. She wanted this more than her self. She wanted to give up herself for this.

For the life that was growing in her womb. 

Less than a day old.

The secret she would not tell anyone, until it was too late. When there was nothing that could be done but learn to live without her. Learn to laugh again, learn to smile at life's small miracles and mishaps, learn to love again. Learn to move on.

This was her burden. Knowing what would come, but taking responsibility for not doing anything about it, taking responsibility for the pain she would cause.

But for now, she would live and laugh and love. She would take all of that to the grave and beyond.

Chapter Text

It had been almost 10 months since Lucien had last seen Elain. In person that is, Elain was perfectly content to send him mental images of herself. She had decided that she was isolating herself and refused to give an explanation other than she was CERTAIN she had to do this. She'd sent away Lucien and Azriel and Feyre and Rhys and everyone. She didn't even let Nesta visit or see her.

You might think this was worrying behaviour and Lucien was insane for letting her do this but, Lucien trusted his mate; she was an independent female who knew her own mind and she had been absolutely Insistent about this matter. It was clearly important to her, so Lucien let her do it. Azriel had probably had a similar thought process. And if he hadn't agreed? Lucien probably would have fought him for Elain's sake.

Lucien-Lucien are you there?

What is it my sweet fawn?

Nothing, I just wanted to say good morning and I love you.

And I love you, I hope you have a lovely and beautiful day as you deserve to have everyday

My sweet romantic Lucien. I love you so much. I love you as much as the blue skies and the scent of sun-baked earth. I love you as much as the flowers we made crowns from in that field a few years ago on your birthday.

And I love you as much as life itself, Elain

I mean it completely. I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you . Now goodbye.

Goodbye my dear. I LOVE you

Lucien wondered why she had been so determined to tell him that. Or why her goodbye had a hint of foreboding. But he hoped she would have told him any secrets, she trusted him right? And he knew her well enough to know if something that BIG would be happening to her. But even so, he felt a strange inexplicable sense of unease.

~Azriel~  Are you there?

Yes I am here Elain. What do you ask of me?

Oh nothing my dear. Nothing at all. I just wanted to tell you something.

What is it?

I love you

And I you

I love you as much as I love the moon and the cool evening breeze. I love you as much as the constellations we spent so long looking at and naming.

And I love you more than anything else.

I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you. Goodbye

Goodbye Elain. I love you too.

Azriel loved these conversations with Elain. They were the only thing that got him through the looooong 10 months since Elain's departure from the Inner Court and Velaris. It hadn't escaped him that Elain had been acting a bit...strangely. He had the sense that something was happening. But he didn't know what, Elain didn't mention anything. He wanted to find out with his shadows, his spies, or any of the other resources at his disposal BUT he had promised Elain her privacy. He wouldn't deprive his mate of something like that. He was just going to have to face the nerves about his mate's wellbeing until she returned.

Elain was in pain. 

So

Much

Pain

It felt as though her insides were on fire. Hot and cramping and pure agony. She wanted to cry out for her mates. Have Azriel and Lucien at her sides. Lucien with his warm and rough hands on her abdomen and stomach, easing her aching. Azriel with his cool and textured hands on her skin, extinguishing the blaze of heat. But no. She couldn't call for them yet. Not when they'd stop the process. Not when they'd choose her. Not when she chose her Kids. Their kids.

The ones she'd carried for 10 long months. The ones who'd she'd laboured long and hard over deciding to have. The ones she Would labour for. The ones she'd given up the chance to spend many more years with her mates for. 

The reason she was alone right now. The reason she was here, in labour and completely and utterly alone. She was at her most vulnerable and weakest, but she had chosen to be here. She finally let herself cry as she thought about it. She was alone.

She was dying.

And she had chosen to die.

She was dying.

And she was alone.

She was dying.

And she had chosen to die. Alone.

Beneath her blood seeps out from between her legs, spilling out from her womb, coating her thighs. Hot and Sticky. The skirt of her dress is already ruined, unredeemable. But then again, so was she- why should her dress survive if she didn't. A silly little dress outlasting her, how stupid, how pitiful. A high Fae body wasn't meant to push out bony little wings, it would tear and slash her flesh. A high Fae body wasn't meant to push out more than one child, it would cost too much blood and energy.

Yet here she was, pushing out three little lives. Each one so beautifully shaped and moulded from the Fae who's love had melded them. Each one that would live such beautiful and precious lives. Lives she'd Never get to see. Lives she'd chosen to give them but never know of.

But life was a gift.

Such a beautiful and wonderful gift.

And Elain had chosen to gift it to them. And though she may lament and weep, to scream and let her wet tears seep. She didn't regret it. She never would regret it. Ever.

And so she lets herself think of their fathers. Of Lucien's sharp wit and silvered tongue. Of the inky blackness and silken feel of Azriel's hair when she ran her fingers across his scalp. Of the warmth that enveloped her when Lucien wrapped his arms around her, of being encased in his golden light. Of the ticklish feel of Azriel's scarred fingers on the slender dip of her back before reaching lower. Or the smile that always followed, quirking up Lucien's lips after, Elain let him have his way with her. Of being between them, sprawled on the bed, snuggled on the couch, cosy in her kitchen. Day and Night. Dark and Light. Her boys, her mates, her loves. She lets herself smile one last time at them, her lips curving into a pained grin as life forces its way out from the cage of her body.

Its selfish to make her mates go through this for her. Even more selfish to make them go through it without her. But...She wants this. She NEEDS this. 

She cries again.

How selfish. How cold. How apathetic to make them live without her. To make them mourn her and live with the living embodiment of their love. To care and raise and nurture that love, even when the one it was directed at was gone. 

Please don't let them hate me. Elain pleads. 

Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please.Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. PPlease. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. PlPlease. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please.Please. Please. Pl

Please don't let them hate me for my selfishness.

And then she screams. Bloody and loud and painful. A cry of pure and utter, unfiltered and unblemished Anguish. A wordless expression of how she feels

I'M SORRY I'M SORRY

I'M SORRY I'M SORRY 

I'M SORRY I'M SORRY 

I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRYI'M SORRY I'M SORRYI'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M 

I'M SORRY I CHOSE MYSELF

I'M SORRY I CHOSE MY DESIRES OVER YOURS

I'M SORRY FOR CHOOSING TO HURT YOU

I'M SORRY

"I'm sorry" She whispers, painstakingly quiet after her scream "Azriel...Lucien...I'm sorry" A fat tear drips from her chin onto the mess of her pregnant body below "I'm sorry"

Chapter Text

Lucien was at a dinner party. It wasn't quite, but it was less informal than a dinner but too formal to be a party. The Inner Court had invited him, or to be specific-Feyre did. Lucien wished she hadn't made the effort if he was being honest. Inviting him to semi formal-semi casual dinners with her closest friends and family wasn't going to patch up the relationship she ruined. Thought it would be unfair to blame the coldness of their 'friendship' on her alone.

He found himself sitting next to Azriel. Feyre had probably thought that they would have some semblance of friendship, with them both being Elain's mates and Elain's current absence. Though that was far from the case, when Elain was present Lucien and Azriel were teasing  acquaintances with a mutual in common. Without Elain, there was nothing. In these 10 months Lucien had spoken to the shadowsinger maybe...thrice in all? 

Which honestly wasn't surprising at all. What WAS the most surprising of these past few months was Lucien's newfound friendship with the eldest of the Archeon sisters. Nesta had proven to be a witty, snarky bitch and a lover of gossip. It was on these qualities they found themselves building a friendship. That and the absence of Elain. When Elain got back, she no doubt would be pleased. She was always trying to push for her mates and Nesta to get along.

Unfortunately Elain was NOT here and Lucien was sitting next to Azriel instead.

Splendid.

IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS 

They were sitting in mute silence for the entirety of the meal and this was by FAR the most tense and sullen part of the table. Lucien knew it was partly because of his presence here, the other part being the fact he was sitting next to Azriel. Whiiiich wouldn't have happened if he hadn't been invited in the first place in a half assed show of friendship. Least Feyre could have done was stick him next to Nesta so they could talk shit about people. But Feyre obviously hadn't picked up on that tad bit of information.

Lucien sometimes wondered what had happened to the old Feyre. The Human one, The Spring Court one, the Better one. She had questioned things and didn't care how things were done in the past. She actually PAID ATTENTION to what was going on around her. The new 'improved' and powerful Feyre, the 'High Lady' seemed complacent. She just took what she was given and just took what she was told at face value. She was selfish. But one could argue that after her years in poverty, maybe she deserved to be selfish. Lucien didn't really care for it if he was being honest. The Feyre he knew was dead. And THAT was the main reason for their cold friendship.

Why had he decided it was a good idea to come here? Right...Rhysand had sent him not so subtle threats so his wife wouldn't feel slighted in any way possible. If it was truly up to him? He wouldn't even be here. He'd be in the Human lands; with Vassa and Jurian and the collection of displaced people they'd formed in that old Manor house of Elain's Ex. He took great care in dancing all over it with his 'Fae'ness. He'd be drunk probably. Dancing on the roof, screaming the lyrics to some old Fae ballad only he and Jurian knew the lyrics to, Doing Shots with Kat. Yelling profanities at the family Elain's Ex was from, they still lived close enough to hear them.

IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTSIT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTSIT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTSIT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTSIT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTSIT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTSIT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTSIT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTSIT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTSIT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTSIT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTSIT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTSIT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTSIT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTSIT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTSIT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTSIT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTSIT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTSIT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTSIT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTSIT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTSIT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTSIT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTSIT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT H

The only good things about this meal was the meal itself. And the Wine, the Inner Court did not skimp out on wine is what Lucien had learned. If only Nyx was here, Lucien mused. He'd prove a fun distraction, that princeling was growing up to be a mischievous lad and it was quiet entertaining to watch. Kids were great. Though Lucien wouldn't want one of his one.His own childhood was too fucked up and unmentionable for him to ever do a good job of it. He was fine playing the fun cool uncle role But if it ever did happen he'd step up. He wouldn't dare abandon a child, his own flesh or no. He wouldn't be much good, but he'd try if needs be.But for now his life remained childless with the occasional interruption of  Nyx and the children he'd befriended on his street. 

IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT 

Azriel didn't feel like dinner tonight. But his friend and High Lord had come calling and Azriel was always one to answer the call. Perhaps tonight could have been enjoyable, had they not sat him next to the Fox. In a different dinner he would have made conversation with Mor, the blonde female carrying the most of the conversation, him inputing every now and then to let her know he was still listening. Maybe he would banter with Cassian lightly, Nesta adding her own snide remark or two about her mate to keep him on his toes. If Nyx was there perhaps he would have answered one of the child's many questions, explained the world to him a little bit. It always got him thinking, kids I mean. He'd thought about it many times, having kids. But his answer was always a NO. He wouldn't be good as a father. He was barely good at kids.

IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS 

He wondered what Elain would be doing. Perhaps she'd be asleep. Ironically for the sister of the high Lady of night, Elain was always a morning person. Feyre the night owl and stars. Elain the day bird and sunshine. Nesta the snarky something in between. But they were each their own individual person so that made sense completely.

He missed Elain so much. 

MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES 

Lucien missed Elain so much. Missed her hair, her eyes, her lips. Her nose, her freckles, her dimples. Her slender fingers, her tender skin, her smile. He missed everything about his mate. And though he was saddened by her disappearance, he was so glad that she was still there with him. Keeping contact, sending him little messages and notes and pictures to get him through everyday.

THE BLOOD THE BLOOD THE BLOOD THE BLOOD THE BLOOD THE BLOOD THE BLOOD THE BLOOD THE BLOOD THE BLOOD THE BLOOD THE BLOOD THE BLOOD THE BLOOD THE BLOOD THE BLOOD THE BLOOD THE BLOOD THE BLOOD THE BLOOD THE BLOOD THE BLOOD THE BLOOD THE BLOOD THE BLOOD THE BLOOD THE BLOOD THE BLOOD THE BLOOD THE BLOOD THE BLOOD MY BLOOD MY BLOODMY BLOODMY BLOODMY BLOODMY BLOODMY BLOODMY BLOOD MY BLOOD MY BLOODMY BLOOD MY BLOOD MY BLOODMY BLOOD MY BLOOD MY BLOOD MY BLOOD MY BLOOD MY BLOOD MY BLOOD MY BLOOD MY BLOOD MY BLOOD MY BLOOD MY BLOODMY BLOOD MY BLOOD MY BLOOD MY BLOOD MY BLOOD MY BLOODMY BLOOD MY BLOODMY BLOOD MY BLOOD MY BLOOD MY BLOOD MY BLOOD MY BLOOD MY BLOOD MY BLOOD MY BLOOD MY BLOOD MY BLOOD MY BLOOD MY BLOOD MY BLOOD MY BLOOD MY BLOOD MY BLOOD MY BLOOD

The Meal is done and they're all lounging in the central room of Feyre and Rhys house. The meal part of the dinner may be over but unfortunately it was still too early to call it a night without turning some heads. Nothing was wrong with Azriel, he was just tired. Every day without Elain felt like such a drag. How had he survived hundreds of years without her? He could never survive without her now.

MY STOMACH MY LEGS MY BLOOD MY CHILDREN MY STOMACH MY LEGS MY BLOOD MY CHILDREN MY STOMACH MY LEGS MY BLOOD MY CHILDREN MY STOMACH MY LEGS MY BLOOD MY CHILDREN MY STOMACH MY LEGS MY BLOOD MY CHILDREN MY STOMACH MY LEGS MY BLOOD MY CHILDREN MY STOMACH MY LEGS MY BLOOD MY CHILDREN MY STOMACH MY LEGS MY BLOOD MY CHILDREN MY STOMACH MY LEGS MY BLOOD MY CHILDREN MY STOMACH MY LEGS MY BLOOD MY CHILDREN MY STOMACH MY LEGS MY BLOOD MY CHILDREN IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT PAINS IT PAINS IT PAINS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT PAINS IT PAINS IT PAINS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT PAINS IT PAINS IT PAINS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT PAINS IT PAINS IT PAINS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT PAINS IT PAINS IT PAINS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT PAINS IT PAINS IT PAINS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT PAINS IT PAINS IT PAINS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT PAINS IT PAINS IT PAINS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT PAINS IT PAINS IT PAINS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT PAINS IT PAINS IT PAINS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT PAINS IT PAINS IT PAINS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS 

The Fox comes up to Azriel. He holds out a glass of wine. Red. A silent offering. Why had Lucien sought him out? Azriel accepts. He takes the glass into his own fingers.

I'M DYING I'M DYING I'M DYING I'M DYING I'M DYING I'M DYINGI'M DYING I'M DYING I'M DYINGI'M DYING I'M DYING I'M DYINGI'M DYING I'M DYING I'M DYINGI'M DYING I'M DYING I'M DYINGI'M DYING I'M DYING I'M DYINGI'M DYING I'M DYING I'M DYINGI'M DYING I'M DYING I'M DYINGI'M DYING I'M DYING I'M DYINGI'M DYING I'M DYING I'M DYINGI'M DYING I'M DYING I'M DYINGI'M DYING I'M DYING I'M DYINGI'M DYING I'M DYING I'M DYINGI'M DYING I'M DYING I'M DYINGI'M DYING I'M DYING I'M DYINGI'M DYING I'M DYING I'M DYINGI'M DYING I'M DYING I'M DYINGI'M DYING I'M DYING I'M DYINGI'M DYING I'M DYING I'M DYINGI'M DYING I'M DYING I'M DYINGI'M DYING I'M DYING 

Lucien looks at the shadow singer. He stands with a glass of wine in his left, a mirror of Lucien's glass in his right. He raises his glass in a wordless toast to her.

I NEED YOU I NEED YOU I NEED YOU I NEED YOU I NEED YOU I NEED YOU I NEED YOU I NEED YOU I NEED YOU I NEED YOU I NEED YOU I NEED YOU I NEED YOU I NEED YOU I NEED YOU I NEED YOU I NEED YOU I NEED YOU I NEED YOU I NEED YOU I NEED YOU I NEED YOU I NEED YOU I NEED YOU I NEED YOU I NEED YOU I NEED YOU I NEED YOU I NEED YOU I NEED YOU MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MATES MY MA

Azriel raises his glass to Lucien's own gesture. A silent toast. To the one who was no doubt on both of their minds. Always. Their mate. Their beautiful perfect mate.

IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNSIT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNSIT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNSIT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNSIT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNSIT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNSIT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNSIT BURNS IT BURNS IT BURNS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTSIT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTSIT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTSIT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTSIT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTSIT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTSIT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS MY BLOOD MY BLOOD MY BLOOD MY BLOODMY BLOOD MY BLOODMY BLOOD MY BLOODMY BLOOD MY BLOODMY BLOOD MY BLOOD I'M DYING I'M DYING I'M DYING I'M DYING I'M DYINGI'M DYING I'M DYINGI'M DYING I'M DYINGI'M DYING I'M DYINGI'M DYING I'M DYINGI'M DYING I'M DYING

I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE 

LUCIEN AZRIEL

LUCIEN AZRIEL

I NEED YOU

P L E A S E

SHE SCREAMS 

There's a split millisecond after the hear her, when Azriel is looking into Lucien's eyes and and Lucien is looking into Azriel's eyes. Their faces are frozen, the sound of their mate's scream, ringing through their ears. But only for a millisecond.

The panic hits them in unison.

The pure unfiltered Panic. That swarms everything. It makes their hearts go beating out of their chests and blood thrum through their veins.. It terrifying and crushing but neither of them are thinking on it. They FEEL it.

A millisecond later...

THEY RUN