Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Its our second week here and you're not making the best fucking impression. You haven't met the other bands yet, which you should've done before the start of the tour. You're late every single day. Late to signings, late to rehearsal, late to your own goddamn shows!"

For the past 15 minute I've been listening to my band manger, Ray absolutely tear into us about everything we've been doing wrong, which apparently, is absolutely everything. In Ray's defence, we have been doing everything wrong. We almost missed last nights show because we partied a little too hard last night.

"Look, guys, get it the fuck together." Ray says, his lecture coming to an obvious end. "I'm your manager, I'm not your babysitter. And I don't want to have to hire one to keep you all in line. Make your fucking set times, make your rehearsals. I don't care if you partied the night before and are hungover. I don't even care if you're still drunk! Just do your job so I can do mine. Got it? Good. Fuck off now." he says, his favourite way of dismissing us.

Everyone gets up from their seats noticeable annoyed. We love our partying ways and even with a lecture I don't think it'll change anything.

"Oh and one last thing!" Ray yells walking back into the room. "Go meet the other bands, okay? You don't need to like them, just go shake hands with them at least. One just finished their signings and are waiting for you."

"He wasn't like this last time." Mac mumbles beside me.

Mac's the groups guitarist and he's probably the chillest of the group. Not that he doesn't party, he does, and he parties hard, he's just the most levelheaded. He goes with the flow and doesn't really care about much.

"He used to never give a fuck if we met a single band at all." Lila chimes in, her tone unpleasant.

Lila is the lead singer which means she has the exact attitude as every lead singer. To put it nicely, she's a bit stuck up. To us shes lovely but to complete strangers she's a whole other person.

"We're the goddamn headliners." Lila says. She gets up from her seat and runs a hand through her hair, which I admit looks nice. "We don't need to meet them, they need to meet us."

"Who cares man. Lets go meet them. Shake hands, whatever." Mac says.

Lila rolls her eyes at this, acting like she's too good for it which he probably believes she is.

All of us get up reluctantly, pretty much dragging our feet as we head to the door.

"Its just one meeting. They seem like nice guys anyways." I say to the group.

"You don't even know what band we're meeting." Lila says.

We walk through the doors and four guys are sitting around the signing table. I think its Pierce the Veil. I've seen them play before while waiting backstage but I don't know much about them.

"Hey guys!" one of the guys yells, a guy with short spiky hair. When he smiles the cutest dimples come out. "We've been so stoked to meet you!"

"Yeah we've been excited too." Lila says with the same grin that I've seen melt thousands and thousands of women and men. "I'm sorry we couldn't make it happen sooner, we've been busy with getting the whole tour routine down. You guys get it."

I see the two guys on the left glance at each other quickly, before looking back at Lila. Its clear they're not buying her shit. I guess they've heard about her from other bands. Nevertheless, the guy in front of us is still looking friendly and isn't fazed by Lila. Or maybe he is but he isn't showing it.

"No problem. We've all been there." the guys says. "I'm Jaime by the way." he says then turns and points at the other guys in his band. "Thats Mike, Tony, and Vic."

The guys in back nod their heads in that typical bro way that men do.

"Yeah, I'm Lila, obviously." Lila says with her stupid smile again, and glances back at us. "This is Mac and Wren." she says.

We go around exchanging pleasantries for a couple of minutes before Vic interrupts the conversation.

"Sorry to do this but we actually have our rehearsal time scheduled now, so we gotta go." Vic says. "Great meeting you guys. We'll see you around sometime, yeah? Feel free to stop by our bus whenever you want."

We exchange goodbyes with them briefly and they head off towards the back of the venue as we leave through the doors we came through ten minutes ago.

"Pricks." Lila says when we're out the door.

"They're chill guys." Mac says. "I've been around them before. Everyone gets on with them."

"Yeah they seem nice." I chime in which makes Lila roll her eyes.

"We don't need to really see them anyways." Mac says. "They play before us so we can easily stay out their way."

"You mean they'll stay out ours." Lila says.

I have to forcefully stop myself from rolling my eyes.

Chapter Text

"WREN!"

I turn at the sound of my name being shouted louder than I've ever heard it before. Lila is standing about ten feet away from me with a bottle in her hand. Of course.

The thing about touring is that it can get a little wild sometimes. Pretty much every night is a party with different people each time. Its really fun when you first start out but after awhile it just gets old. Granted every first night we all party hard, myself included.

"Wren come join!" Lila shouts again at me. She walks up to me and links our arms then leans in and whispers to me "All these people kinda suck. They're either fans or shitty musicians."

I roll my eyes at her. "We're on tour, Lie. Those are the only two groups of people we get."

"I knooow but they're not usually this bad." she whines. "Please come in with me. I'll buy you all the drinks you want!"

"Its not really my scene." I say as I eye the bar we're walking into.

"Please!!" she pleads in her whiny voice. "Two drinks, okay? Two drinks and one bump."

"Lila, I'm not doing blow." I say firmly. "You can snort it until theres none left in the world but I'm staying away from that stuff."

"Okay fine but three drinks then!"

I roll my eyes but a slight smile creeps up on my face. She's annoying but her persistence is adorable sometimes.

"Fine, okay, three drinks." I say. "Maybe even four."

"Yes!!!" she yells excited. "I knew you'd do it if I asked enough."

"Its good for morale." I say as we walk into the bar.

Unsurprisingly, the bar is filled with people on the tour. I see some of our techies mixed in with PTVs guys and even two dudes from PTV are here, I think Vic and Tony are their names.

"I'm gonna get you some tequila." Lila says, ordering it before I can even start to protest.

"You see anyone you like?" she asks as she turns back to me.

"Not really." I reply while still surveilling the bar.

"I'm kinda into Mike." she says, referring to PTVs drummer. "Or even their tour manager, Seth. He's fine in that '45 year old who hates his job' kinda way."

"Yeah, for sure." I agree to whatever the hell that even means.

We get three shots from the bartender, one of which Lila places in front of me and I get a little disappointed. I was hoping we'd get our three shots right away, I'd down them and leave and that would be the end of it. But she knows me by now so she knows to order the shots at least 15 minutes apart. Sneaky bitch.

"But of course I'd never get with Seth. Like, he's just a tour manager. He probably makes like what, 100k a year? Thats nothing." she says with a flip of her hair. "Anyways, drink up!"

She hits her shot glass against mine for a cheers and it just ends up spilling some of her shot into mine. Theres no way she could've planned that and yet the world seems to work to her favour every chance it gets.

I down the shot and cringe immediately at the taste of it. God, has alcohol always been this bad or is this tequila just shit?

"Thats so fucking gross." I say while wiping my mouth. "And by the way 100k a year is good."

"Its nothing." she says dismissively. "We make that in like five months."

Her math is a little off but I don't need to tell her that. We have money theres no doubt about it. We're currently one of the biggest bands in the scene and have been for the last five years. So, yeah, we make some good money.

"Tony!" Lila says, looking behind me.

I turn around at the same time that I hear Vic correct her.

"Vic, actually. But hey Lila, Wren." he says and nods at me politely. "Celebrating that second week in, am I right?"

Lila's face changes but only in a way that I recognize. It completely flies over Vic's head that she's now annoyed by him and his presence.

"I'll be back." she says and heads to the bathrooms.

"Yeah, I'm sorry." I say to Vic. "She takes awhile to warm up to people."

"Nah, I get it." he says. "You enjoying yourself tonight?"

The way he asks makes me think he genuinely cares. His eyes hold mine as if theres no one else in the room and his smile is genuine as hell. Or so it seems to someone who hasn't been in this for awhile. He's the lead singer so he's the most "presentable" one. The fake friendliest for fans and interviews. He does a good job though, I'll admit it.

"Not really." I reply with a smile. "I was kinda forced out. I'm usually the type to hang back."

"I feel you on that one." he says. "I much prefer a night on the bus over a wild party."

"Seems I found someone just like me."

"Seems you did." he says with a grin.

The bartender hands him two glasses which he picks up right away signaling the end of our conversation.

"Its been nice talking to you, I hope we get more chances like this." he says to me. "Have a good night, Wren."

"Yeah, I'll see you next time." I say and return his polite smile.

Just as he leaves Lila is instantly back in her chair as if she had been watching and waiting.

"He's something." she says.

I nod in agreement. He really is.

Chapter Text

"Okay, so I want you guys mixed up. Lets have Mac between Mike and Tony. I want to try Jaime on the side of Tony for this one. And then we'll have Vic in the front in between Lila and Wren." our photographer yells at us. "Lets go people! We need at least ten good photos in the next 35 minutes!"

At the start of every tour we always do a photo op of the bands so that we can release them as the tour goes on for merch and to sell more tickets to shows. Since PTV and us are the only bands on tour, we've mixed a couple of our photos together to really sell the tour. So the last two hours of our lives have been dedicated to that.

"Its cozy here." Vic says as he places himself between Lila and I.

She gives him a look thats almost a sneer then faces away from him and takes out her phone.

"Seems cold actually." I joke at Lila's expense.

"Funny." Lila says not even looking up from her phone.

"I'm comfortable either way." he says then gives me a grin. "I get to be beside the two pretty ladies on the tour."

Lila rolls her eyes but it makes me blush a little. Its always made me feel shy when someone says that.

"He said that exact same thing to me last night just so you know." Jaime says from behind us.

"Okay, guys, lets get a good one!" the photographer shouts cutting off any further conversation.

We spend the next ten minutes posing for photos all together until the photographer asks us to go with the person from the other band who plays the same instrument we do.

We keep at this until its time to call it quits. A three hour photoshoot is plenty. Granted it does take longer because theres a lot of us. We had solo shots, shots with just our bands each, bands combined, same instrument people combined, men only, Lila and I together. Every shot imaginable has been taken and we're exhausted of getting our photo taken. Even Jaime who seems to love the camera is done with it at this point.

"We're having a little thing on our bus if you guys wanna join." Jaime offers to us as we all get our shit together to leave.

"No thanks." Lila says at the exact same time that Mac says "Yeah sounds great!"

They glance at each other, each amused and annoyed by the others response.

"Wren you're the tie breaker then." Jaime says to me.

I look at Lila who's giving me the clearest look ever to say no and then Mac who is just his chill self. He'll go no matter what I say because thats who he is, but I also feel the need to bother Lila just a little.

"Yeah, we'll go." I say with a sweet smile thats pointed more at Lila than anyone else.

"Ah yes!" Jaime yells. "We'll see you guys in an hour then?"

We agree then part ways. Our buses aren't too far from each other since we're here together. We parker at a parking lot about a five min walk from them, just on opposite streets.

"I'm not going." Lila states as soon as we break away from them.

"You don't need to." Mac says to her. "We'll go without you, it wont be a big deal."

She scowls at that. I can already tell its going to be a long night of her getting pissed and trying to guilt trip us.

"Also those guys are just weird. What the hell was with Vic hitting on me before?" Lila says.

"He was just being nice." I reply shortly.

"Yeah, sure."

Three hours later and the guys are absolutely wasted. Like, they're drunk before we even get there. To be fair, Mac and I are now almost as drunk as them but its only because we can't hold our alcohol as good as they can. Also I'm using the excuse that I'm a woman so I absorb alcohol easier than them, but that excuse isn't working too good.

"Guys we're gonna have suuuch a good fucking tour!" Jaime yells. He throws his arm around Mac and pulls him in closer to him. "I'm so glad you guys are here with us."

"Cheers to that!" Tony yells, bumping his cup against everyone elses sloppily.

"Wren you're one of us now." Jaime says, coming over to pull me into him now. "You're one of the guys." he ays solemnly.

"Hey, be honest." Mike yells. "Have you guys" he says and gestures at Mac and I "ever fucked? Ever hooked up even once?"

Mac and I glance at each other. Since hes the only guy in our band we get that a lot. People often think we're all having sex or he's dating Lila or I. It gets really old after awhile. Especially since I have had sex with him.

"No, we haven't." I say and laugh.

"Mac?" Mike says to Mac for confirmation.

"Nah, man, never." Mac says just like I knew he would. We've kept that between us since it happened last year. Not even Lila knows that Mac and I slept together.

"I don't believe it." Mike says. "If she were in my band I'd try all the time."

"Man, we're not trying to do this." Mac says. "Lets not make it weird. Wren's great but we got band rules and we stick to them, so nothings happened here."

Vic comes over to me and sits down right beside me as the guys talk, thankfully not about Mac or I.

"Sorry about that." he says.

"Its okay, not really a big deal." I say. "Plus I mean you guys are giving us free drinks so we needed to pay the price somehow."

"You had to pay it all on your own." Vic says as a joke.

"You could help me pay it too." I say surprising myself at how flirty that sounded.

"Oh? How?" he readjusts his body so its facing me even more, his arm now across the back of the couch and resting on my shoulder.

I want to say something flirty again but the look in his eyes has me a bit dazed. They're so genuine and kind. They're the softest eyes Ive ever seen before. He grins at me like he knows what I'm thinking and it just drives me wild.

And then I remember that he does this. Its a common thing with lead singers, or anyone in a band. They learn to work their audience. Not only that, but I ...I can't do this. Not on tour. Not with Vic;

"I'm gonna go get a soft drink or something." I say as I snap out of my trance.

He looks at me confused, like even he's not sure what just happened.

I bet he's not used to that.

Chapter Text

"Okay, so we have rehearsal at 1, we have a signing at 6 and then youre on at 8:30 but I need to you guys in you dressing rooms by 7 the latest. I need everyone on time. And I mean right on time." Ray says, filling us in about the day and giving us shit at the same time. Its a skill hes mastered. I've seen others attempt it but no one can do it like he can. He has a way of making himself sound so condescending and ashamed by us at the same time. I asked him to teach me it once and then got to listen as he scolded me for real. I took notes either way.

"You guys have until 5am tonight to make it back to the bus or it leaves without you." he warns.

While 5am seems late for others, for us its still about the time we're out until. You see we're always still pretty hyped up from being on stage, so we take our adrenaline to the bars. It also doesn't help that we have, if we want, a string of fans to keep us entertained. We also have a ton of alcohol to keep us up and drugs for when the alcohol fails.

"And just to be clear, I mean OUR bus. Don't go on a tech bus because ours has left already." Ray warns, pointing his statement more towards Mac than anyone else.

I don't see why I'm getting targeted, but okay." Mac says.

In Mac's defense, he thought it was our bus until halfway through the journey. So we can't really blame him.

"Because you're the only idiot that doesn't know what his own bus looks like." Lila says not even glancing up from her phone.

"I know what the bus looks like!" he protests.

"What colour is it?" Ray asks him pointedly.

Mac glances to the side as if hes able to see the colour of the bus from here. When he realizes it wont work, he looks at me for help but the only thing I give him is an entertained smirk. I am not drowning with him here. Plus I don't know the colour either. I just know that there's an orange strip on the door.

"Its black." he says, obviously guessing.

"Its green." Ray says, his face unamused. "Anyways, not the point. I gotta run, but its 11:30 now so I'll see you at the venue in an hour and a half." he says as he walks off without saying goodbye.

"It looks black in the dark!" Mac yells after him. He looks at us. "Its a dark green! It looks black at night."

I mean ...he's right...

"I can't believe he's still with us." I say more to myself than anyone but they still hear it.

"Yeah, after six years you'd think he'd give up." Lila says. "We've only gotten way worse since than."

"He likes the money that comes with us." I say, the clear answer thats right in front of all of us.

"He better. We're like the biggest band in the scene right now." Lila says triumphantly.

"Pierce the Veil might take that over from us soon." Mac says. "You seen their following?"

Lila tosses her hair over her shoulder. "Please, those guys could never. Our sound is better. They only have so many fans because they're cute."

"Ohhh, you think they're cute?" Mac teases. "Let me guess, you're more of a Mike type. Or, wait, actually, Tony. The feisty ones always love the quiet ones."

Lila scrunches up her nose at this. "I wouldn't go for any of them, actually. Its unprofessional."

This causes both Mac and I to burst out laughing. Lila? Professional? Thats never happened once since the start.

"Fuck off." she says but we can see a slight smile forming on her lips. "You guys know what I mean. Even I don't sleep with anyone in the band we're touring with. Its the worst idea. Worse than sleeping with fans." she glances at her phone to check the time. "Should we go get pizza?"

She has a point. Fans leave once we leave the city, but the other band? We're trapped with them until the tour is up. This is a five month tour and we're only two weeks in, so if anything is to happen then we're fucked for the next four months. We play it safe on tour. Only way you're allowed to hook up with the other band is if theres less than a month left on tour. Its one of our eight rules.

Our rules are simple and they stay the same for every tour we go on since our very first one.

Tour rules:

Rule 1. Get blackout drunk on the first night no matter what.

Rule 2. No hooking up with anyone in OUR band

Rule 3. No hooking up with anyone in a different band unless the tour is almost complete (less than four weeks left).

Rule 4. Act like every single performance is either the first or last one we do.

Rule 5. No hookups stay on the bus for more than 24 hours.

Rule 6. What happens on tour stays on tour (within reason).

Rule 7. We get at least one slice of pizza in every city we go to.

Rule 8. Only one person can have bleached hair at a time.

They're simple rules. Some need to be updated a little, but we still stick to them no matter what. Well, except for that time that Mac and I broke rule #2. But then again rule 2 isn't the best one. Our best one has been the pizza. Its a ton of fun to head off into a different city and get some pizza especially since they taste so different depending on the state we're in. We all have our favourite states when it comes to pizza. Lila's is New Jersey, Mac's is Arizona, and mine is Chicago. Ray joined us a couple times and decided his favourite was Massachusetts, which is a weird choice but respectable.

"Yeah, I need to eat." Mac says. "We better hurry too, can't have Ray giving us shit again."

"You just want to go now because we're in Arizona." I point out.

He grins at me. "Fuck yeah, I do."

He gets up and practically sprints off the bus, yelling at Lila and I to hurry. We grin at each other and run after him, ready to do our favourite thing beside perform - eat pizza together.

Chapter Text

Another week has passed by already. On tour it goes so fast that you sometimes wish you could pause each moment just to live in it again. Even when we get on stage, it feels like it lasts for a total of ten minutes.

Today we're in one of those rare days where we don't have a set at night. We're in our next city now and its 2am which means our next show is only later tonight . Lila and Mac have decided to take full advantage of this and are both getting super drunk. Some techs and the guys from PTV are here as well.

"Wren!! Come drink!" Lila yells at me from the front of the bus.

I glance up at the front really not wanting to do this. I don't want to party like they do. I've done it like three times in the last three weeks, I think thats too many.

"Wren!" Lila whines. "Come on!"

"I'm good, thanks." I reply to try and get her to stop trying to get my attention.

"You're not! You need a drink. You deserve one." she says.

As she speaks her voice travels closer, alerting me to the fact that she's coming here to try and get me to drink.

"Got you something." she says as she steps in the back lounge area.

"Don't want it." I say. At this point I'm almost entirely annoyed.

I see one of the techs stick his head into the "hall" to look down at Lila and I. As he does this, I get a glimpse of Vic up front talking to our lights person. He has a drink in his hand and by the looks of it, its the one and only drink that he's going to be having tonight.

"It would mean sooo much to me if you drank this though." Lila says, calling my focus back to her.

She's right beside me now with one leg bent on the couch and the other on the floor still. My eyes are level with the tequila she has for me. Its about half a cup full. Shes crazy if she thinks that I'm going to drink but she's even crazier if she thinks I would down all that at once without even a chaser or anything.

"Nah, not tonight." I say. "You go party, I'll be here in the back."

"Just know you've forced me to do this." she says and grabs my head, jerking it back before pouring half the cup into my mouth.

I try and push her away and spit the alcohol out, but she keeps my head pushed back with her hand on my throat and then covers my mouth and nose with her other hand, forcing my breathing to stop. The only choice I have is to swallow the drink. As soon as its down, she takes her hands away from me, giggling. I stand up and give her a push.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I scream.

She stands there giggling still. It pisses me off so much that I push her again, this time more aggressive than the last. She hits against the door frame and her legs hit the couch. She falls down on the couch and giggles still.

"You made me!" she says through laughs.

I take the rest of the drink from her hand and throw it on her. Her giggles stop and she stares at me in shock.

"What the hell!" she yells. "You're such a bitch, Wren."

"You just forced me to drink!" I yell back. This apparently is enough to start her giggles again. "Go fuck yourself." I say and throw the empty cup at her head before turning to storm off the bus.

Everyone is quiet as they watch me leave, clearly having heard us in the back. I catch Mac's eye and he gives me a look that says he'll come with me if I need him too, but I shake my head no at him. He looks towards Lila, his face now asking if I need him to go there but again, I shake my head at this. No point when she's in this mood.

I get about twenty feet away from the bus before I hear my name being called. I turn back and see Vic coming towards me.

"Hey." he says, his words coming out in a breathy way. "You okay?"

"Yeah." I say, my voice dripping in anger.

"I get it." he says. "Being with the same people on tour is tiring."

For some reason this pisses me off more. I know he has to put a front on fans but this is different. I'm not some random fan. I'm not even anything actually so why is he trying to put a front on for me? And why is he acting like he understands? He's known us for what, three weeks? He doesn't know our band, he doesn't know our problems. His band is so fucking buddy-buddy. He has no clue what its like.

"You okay?" he asks me, his eyes boring into mine.

I grind my teeth together. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Do you want to walk together?" he asks. "It might help."

I want to tell him to fuck off, but I know I'm just projecting. He's being nice and I'm pissed at Lila, not him.

I take a deep breath before answering. "Sure, lets go."

"I'll lead if you don't mind." he says. "I know this great place."

"You're gonna kill me, arent you?" I joke, my voice lightening a little.

"Yeah, for sure." he says casually. "I was hoping you'd be drunker so it'd be easier."

"Just wait ten minutes." I say. "Lila poured half a cup of tequila down my throat, remember?"

Vic laughs at this. "How could I forget?"

"I think I feel it already." I say. "God, should I roofie her as retaliation?"

"Roofie yourself instead, we'll go to the hospital and she'll feel terrible." he says.

Now its my turn to laugh at him. "That's ridiculous."

He shrugs. "Maybe so."

"Hey wheres this place we're going to?"

"Its just a little hill with a nice view."

"Are you trying to force me into a hike?" I ask, raising an eyebrow at him. "Its 2am. Weird time for a hike."

He shakes his head. "Its just a hill. Hardly an incline, actually. Just a ...slanted grass patch."

I give him a weird look. "Why are we going?"

"Ah, you'll see."

We're already ten minutes into this walk and I haven't been paying attention so I kind of need to go with him either way.

"So you're not much for partying I take it." Vic says to me after a minute of silence.

"Nope." I say shaking my head. "I'd rather stay hidden in the back until its done."

"Even with your own people?"

"Yeah, even then. I do like doing it, just not all the time."

"Any reason?"

I take a deep breath before answering. "I used to drink a little too much when we first started. It got a little out of control." I admit.

"But you're not sober? Just careful?"

"Yeah, exactly." I say. "I grew up with alcoholic parents, so growing up I swore I'd never be like that. And then the tours were hard, I was exhausted and lonely and homesick, and dealing with my parents, which isn't really relevant here." I go on, rambling away. "But yeah, so everything started piling up and I was just so stressed all the time. I started realizing that drinking helped and next thing I know, the tours done but the drinking isn't."

Vic keeps looking at me as I talk, I can tell he's trying to be as supportive as possible. I'm surprised I'm even talking about this, I typically don't. I'm not ashamed or anything, its just a vulnerability I don't show often. Vic just has a calming personality, a trusting one too.

"So what made you stop?" he asks me.

No one's ever asked me that before. Either they didn't care to or didn't want to, but it strikes me as odd that I've never gotten the question before.

"I saw myself in the mirror one night. I was super drunk." I explain. "I remember looking at myself and all I could see were my eyes, but they didn't look like mine. They looked like my moms." I say and swallow hard. "I've seen her drunk beyond comprehension before, and well, I have the same colour eyes as her, so that night I just saw her, not me. I realized that night that I had to stop or I'd end up like that forever like she did."

"Wow." Vic says which makes me blush. I hadn't realized how much detail I'd given. Its actually fucking embarrassing now that I think about it.

"Thank you for telling me that." he says. He reaches out and gives my arm a little squeeze. "Means a lot that you'd trust me with that."

"You're really easy to talk to." I admit. "I don't know what it is."

He smiles warmly at me. "I feel the same. That first night at the bar I had to walk away or else I would've been following you around all night talking to you."

I laugh at this. Its so ridiculous to picture. Vic, this popular and well sought after musician, wanting to just follow me around and talk to me. Yeah, right.

"Hey." he says lightly. "We're here."

With all the talking I hadn't even realized we were going up a slanted grass pitch.

Even though we didn't go up a large hill, I find myself overlooking plenty of lights from the city. Its absolutely gorgeous.

"Oh wow." I say softly. "You were right."

"Yeah." he says, his voice equally as soft. "Its my favourite place to come."

We stand in silence and admire the view. Even though we're stopped to watch it, the city keeps moving. Lights go back and forth down the street from car lights. We get to see apartment lights go on and off, some flickering with colour from LED lights. The dark sky really draws out the colour of the streetlights below.

After several minutes of mindlessly staring out into the city, my phone goes off and pulls my attention back to reality.

Its Mac.

"Yeah, whats up?" I say as I answer the phone.

"You good?" he asks. I can hear the party faintly on his side.

"Yeah, I'm good now." I say.

"Coming back soon?"

"Yeah, coming back now." I say.

"Everyone's gonna be gone soon. Its getting late." he says, indirectly telling me to get back now.

I glance at my phones clock and realize he's right. Its 3:30. I guess we've been sitting here longer than I thought.

"Im like a 20 minute walk away, I'll see you then." I say.

"Be careful." he says and hangs up.

I'm not sure if he knows I'm with Vic or not, but I don't bother mentioning it. This night has been too nice, I don't want a line of questioning.

"Come on." Vic says, already on the path back to our buses. "I'll walk you back free of charge this time."

"This time?" I say with a smile on my face. "How much is it next time?"

"Oh, its gonna cost you." he says with a grin.

I cant help but grin back at him.

Chapter Text

After last nights "fun", we're all exhausted. Lila and I have been silent towards each other since the whole drink incident. She's probably pissed that I threw my drink on her, and I'm pissed that I had to after she forced alcohol down my throat.

Mac hasn't said anything to us either, probably figuring its best that he waits it out before trying to get in the middle of us. We're lucky that we haven't fought very much in the past, but whenever we did it would sometimes last the whole length of the tour. If it means she doesn't try to throw more alcohol down my throat then I'm fine with not talking for a little.

A sudden movement at the door makes me turn to see Jaime standing there with a grin on his face. He's covered in sweat from the set that they just finished.

"Hi guys!" he says loudly while walking into our dressing room. "You pumped for tonight?"

"You've got to keep it down." Lila says and clutches her head.

"Yeah you guys aren't used to partying like we are, I forgot." he says and laughs. "It was a great time, though. We need to do it again."

"Oh, man, we'd love to!" Mac says enthusiastically.

"We're having a thing tonight if you guys are down?" Jaime offers.

I glance between Lila and Mac to see their reaction. Lila looks interested but annoyed and Mac just genuinely looks like he wants to party again.

"We could come by." Mac says.

"We're travelling tonight, though." I remind everyone.

Mac rolls his head towards me. "We leave at 4, we'll have plenty of time."

"You guys can stay on our bus." Jaime offers.

We all glance at each other knowing that Ray would rather kill us then "let" us stay on someone else's bus. I'm not sure if he does it as a protection thing against Lila and I or if he just wants us all to be on the bus and accounted for at all time. We've all got lost a couple of times before on tour, some of us more than others, some of us longer than others. We once went four days without seeing Lila, and even I disappeared once for a couple days. Never missed a show yet, though.

"Lila, we got a guy we think you'd like." Jaime says. "He's friends with Tony's cousin, he'll be on the bus tonight."

She glances up at him looking just the slightest bit interested. "Whats he do for a living?"

"He's an electrician." he says. She looks back at her phone until Jaime speaks again. "Runs his own company. Two of them, actually."

"So he makes money?" she asks. Jaime nods yes at her. "He cute?"

"He's not too bad." he answers. "Fully tatted if thats what you're into. Anyways, we told him you'd be there and he's excited to see you."

"Yeah, maybe." Lila says, but both Mac and I can tell that she's not interested in the slightest. We've known her for long enough to tell how she's feeling based off the way she even blinks.

It's weird, though. Lila used to be all over guys and so far this tour she hasn't hooked up with anyone. I wonder if shes hooking up with someone already and just doesnt wanna tell us for some reason. But thats not like her either.

"Look, I gotta go, we're on soon, but we hope to see you on our bus until 4 or after." Jaime says. "Wren, dont tell him I said this, but Vic is excited to see you."

I blush profusely at this. I hope its dark enough on my side of the room to hide it, but Lila catches it right away. She knows me as much as I know her. Always has.

"Someones fucking Vic." she says in a singsong voice.

"I'm not fucking Vic." I snap back. "We're just friends."

"C'mon, tell us what he's like." Lila teases. "Is he like really rough with you? Because he seems like the rough type. You know the type who fu-"

"Lila." Mac warns. "Don't start."

"Tell us, Wren." Lila keeps going.

"Fuck off, Lila." I say, voice rising. She's on her way of ruining what was a nice time.

She rolls her eyes at me and goes back on her phone. Good.

I don't know what the hell is going on lately, but she's aggravating me more than usual. Whenever its just us two we're fine, but as soon as someone else is with us, like Vic, she becomes such a bitch. I know she's not a fan of people, but its never been this bad before.

"Are we going?" Mac asks, his mind fully on the party.

"I am." I say, putting emphasis on my words just to be a dick to Lila.

"Like I would go to that." she sneers.

"I think you partied enough yesterday." I remind her.

Lila regards me for a second quietly before speaking up. "You know its fucked up that you wouldn't drink with me yesterday but now as soon as Vic is interested in you being at the party you wanna go and get fucked up."

"I don't wanna get 'all fucked up.'" I say. "Its just a party. Its something to do."

"I just think its funny that -" Lila starts but gets cut off by Ray.

"Guys, upstairs." he says, ducking his head into our room. "On in five."

Mac looks uncomfortably between Lila and I, probably hoping that our energy changes before we go on stage. I'm hoping hers changes for good at this point because I don't think I can stand a whole tour like this.

Chapter Text

I throw a shirt over my head, the fourth one I've tried on in the past two minutes, and make my way towards the front of the bus to put my shoes on. I'm late to the party already, its 1am now so theres only going to be three hours here.

I'm faintly aware of how quiet the bus is. Its a weird thing to hear, a quiet tour bus. But everyone is either still at the venue or at the party. Except Lila. She's in the back alone on her phone which is weird for her.

As I go to put my shoes on, I stop. I should go see if she's okay. But then again, she's been so aggravating lately it's not even worth going to see her so I slide my shoes on. I reach for the door handle of the bus and stop. Mentally I groan and trudge towards the back.

"Li?" I say as I pass the bunks. "You good?"

She's sitting in the dark with a blanket covering her. Her earphones are on over her head as she watches videos on her phone.

I flick the lights on and off to alert her to me being there. She jumps and looks at me and I motion for her to take her earphones off.

"You good?" I say as she slides them off.

"Yeah, I'm fine." she replies. "You?"

I half sit on the edge of the couch beside her. "I'm heading out soon. You sure you don't wanna come? That guy is gonna be there, Tony's cousin or someone?" I say, not really remembering who the guy is.

She shakes her head no at me. "I'm good here."

I study her for a moment. She's hardly even looking at me. Her eyes are glued to her phone even though the video she's watching is paused.

"Whats going on?" I ask softly, bumping her with my arm.

Her eyes glance towards me for not even half a second before returning back to her phone.

"I'm good." she says. "I just don't feel like partying."

"Come on." I say with a small laugh. "Since when?"

"What's going on with all this questioning?" she asks, her tone growing more annoyed with each word that comes out her mouth. "You think I'm just this person who gets drunk any chance I get, right? Just some party girl?"

I'm slightly taken back by how quickly shes become hostile. I thought we were just having a casual conversation and we would get to what was bothering her, but now its somehow been turned around on me.

"Li, I'm just trying to see whats going on. You've been off lately." I say trying to maintain a caring tone.

"Theres nothing going on!" she says, the last part coming out as a yell. "Just go to the fucking party already."

I get up from where I was perched, officially annoyed. I knew I shouldn't have come here. I should've just fucking left her here to be miserable.

"Whatever. Stay here alone, I don't give a fuck." I say coldly as I walk away from her.

God, last tour we were great. We got along so good. When the tour was done we stayed together and went on vacation for five weeks together. We had an amazing time. Everyday we were together, we even slept in the same bed most nights because we'd fall asleep talking at like 2am each night. I get she's stressed, she's the face of our band so theres so much pressure to be perfect and to always be available to fans, but that doesn't mean she has to take it out on me. If she was doing it to Mac too that'd be one thing, but I seem to the main focus to her cruelty.

I get to PTV's bus still upset. Mac sees me walk in and comes over right away.

"What happened?" he asks, putting his hand on my shoulder.

"Lila." I say, giving him a look that only he can read. "I just don't get it."

"I'll try to talk to her tomorrow." he says. He grins at me. "She wont be able to run away from me when the bus is in motion. I'll corner her as soon as our 10 hour drive starts."

I can't help but let a little smile creep onto my face. "You're a good man, Mac."

"I gotta keep my women happy."

I roll my eyes at him. As I do, I catch a glimpse of Vic on the other side of the bus looking at us. I feel my face warm up as I become aware of the fact that Mac and I are standing close with his hand on me.

"Oh someones boyfriend is jealous?" Mac asks, looking back at Vic.

"Fuck off." I say and give him a slight push which causes him to laugh. "You know I wouldn't do that, its against our moral handbook."

Mac goes to say something but considers it for a second then stops himself. "Lets go get a light drink for you." he says finally.

I follow him inside to where the drinks are. Since we are leaving soon I decide to just stick to some light, fruity drinks. No point drinking hard stuff to go back to our bus in two hours and sleep it off. I also need at least a week or two off alcohol. Can't tempt myself too much.

"Looks like your man is coming to us." Mac says into my ear.

I glance up and sure enough there he is, walking towards us. Fuck, he looks good. Fuck, I shouldn't think that.

"You guys came." Vic says with a smile.

"We love a good party." Mac says then turns to me. "I'm gonna head outside, I'll see you at 3:30 so we can go back to our bus."

"You can stay here if you want." Vic offers once Mac walks away.

"Actually, I can't. Ray has like one rule that we gotta be on the bus when we travel. I think its a safety or accountability thing." I explain.

He nods like he has the same rule. "Thats good of him. You never know what could happen on a tour."

"Between you and me, I just think he just likes the control." I joke.

Vic smiles at me and it just about melts me. God, I shouldn't feel this way. I don't want to. But I can't help it.

"Wanna go in the back?" Vic asks. "No one's in the lounge, and I do love standing in the kitchen but we're bound to get in everyones way eventually."

"Yeah, sure." I agree. "Who are we to stand in the way of alcohol?"

We head to the back where its nice and quiet. They've decorated the back with some nice LED lights which are turned to dark blue at the moment. Its actually really fucking cool. We need them for our bus as well. I'll mention it to Ray next time I see him.

We spend the next while talking and having just a genuinely good time. Vic is a great guy, he's just so down to earth and easy to talk to.

"Hey, did you see that guy tonight? The one in the fucking penguin costume?" Vic asks me suddenly.

"Yes!" I exclaim enthusiastically. "I looked up during our first song and saw him. He must have been fucking dying in that suit."

He laughs at that. "I know, right? Its hot enough in those venues already. I can't imagine being in a penguin suit like that."

"It's ridiculous honestly. He was definitely a Pierce the Veil fan, no way he could be ours." I joke.

"Oh come on, everything about him screamed Genesis Association." he says referring to my band.

I roll my eyes at him. "Its sad how much you want to be us."

"I want to be you?" he says with a scoff. "You changed your hair to match mine, not the other way around."

My mouth falls open. "My hair has always looked like this!" I protest.

"It hasn't." he says. "Such fan behaviour of you!"

"Fuck off!" I say and throw one of the pillows from the couch at him.

He catches it before it connects with his head and looks at me in fake surprise. The pillow stays in his hand in the air as he looks at me, his eyes slowly narrowing.

"Its a pillow." I explain as if he's confused by it.

"You're gonna regret this." he says.

I nod my head in a condescending way. "I'm sure you and your hair will make me regret it."

He gets up suddenly and moves towards me with the pillow. Before I can even react his grip tightens on the pillow and he slams it against my shoulder. He reels back and gets me again in the side of the head and then in the side of my stomach.

"Take it back!" he yells as he winds up again for another shot.

"No!" I yell as I laugh. "You take it back!" I try to reach for the pillow but fail and instead get smacked upside the head again.

Vic continues to pummel me with the pillow, both of us oblivious to the fact that Mac is now in the doorway watching us.

"Wren, we gotta go." Mac says as he glances between Vic and I suspiciously. "It's 3:45, we gotta get back to the bus before it leaves."

"Shit, okay." I say and get up quickly.

"Text me?" Vic asks before I turn to leave.

"Yeah, of course." I say with a smile. "See you tomorrow."

Mac and I hurry off the bus, speed walking back to our own. We're cutting it too close already.

"Soooo..." Mac says. "Fun time?"

"We didn't do anything." I say and fake glare at him.

"Yeah, sure." he says. "Ray will be so disappointed when he founds out you broke one of our bus rules." he teases.

I raise an eyebrow at him "You wanna talk?"

"Hey, I've never slept with someone from a band we're on tour with." he says, defending himself weakly.

"No," I say. "You slept with someone in our band."

He slows down a little and looks at me. He clearly has no idea what to say to that. I can see him struggle to give an answer.

"Yeah..." he says slowly. "But you did too."

"Oh my God, Lila and I hooked up once, its not a big deal."

I look over at his shocked face and cant help but grin.

"I'm kidding, Mac." I say and burst out laughing. "I obviously meant you."

"You're a dick." he says to me. "Now pick up the pace, I really don't want to give Ray a reason to yell at us tonight."

Chapter Text

Don't get me wrong, I love travelling. I love seeing new places and everything, but travelling for 72 hours straight is brutal. The wifi on the bus is kinda shit in certain places so we all have unlimited 3G for all our needs, but even unlimited 3G gets boring after awhile. Our food supplies often turns boring as well, but unless we're ahead of schedule its hard to stop and stock up. A starving artist is better than an absent one after all.

Speaking of absent, Ray left us so he could fly over to where we're going instead of driving for three days. If only we had the option to take a three hour flight instead, but as Ray put it, "the bus is going there anyways, it might as well have passengers on it."

Mac is the one who finds the travelling easiest between all of us, he makes sure he has shroom edibles on hand, his comfiest sweater is washed, and he has a huge stash of snacks - which he never shares with us. Sometimes I like to partake in his ritual, but mainly Lila and I will have a movie fest, but I guess thats out the question now.

She hasn't spoken to me since last night which is weird for Lila. Usually when she's mad she yells, but for her to go quiet? It's pretty much unheard of. The last time she went quiet was when she got strep and had to not talk for like a week. I think its the hardest thing she's been through in her life.

As I pick my phone up to scroll through Twitter for the third time today, a pack of gummies lands in my lap. I look up to see Mac walking into the back lounge, his sweater cozy around him and a grin on his face.

"You haven't done it in awhile." he says to me as he flops onto the couch with his arsenal of snacks beside him. "I'll give you some chips. The salt and vinegar ones you like."

I really shouldn't. I mean, I'm drinking more than usual already, drugs would be a whole other step. Even though I know its not that bad, its just shrooms. Anddd it would pass the time.

"I'm gonna get Lila in on it too." Mac says, his grin widening. "To make her chill a little."

I almost laugh at this as I open the bag of edibles. No way Lila would try shrooms with us while we're stuck on the bus like this.

"How may did you take?" I ask Mac before I pop one in my mouth.

"I took three, but I have a higher tolerance. Take two."

I eye them, unsure. Two seems like a lot, but then again, we have tree days for them to wear off. So I pop two in.

"Now we wait." Mac says, turning his attention to his phone.

Mac and I scroll wordlessly on our phones for a bit until Lila comes into the back with us and holds her hand out to me, a faint smile on her lips.

"Two?" I ask her.

"If thats what you took then yeah."

I hand off two to her and watch her, as if she's going to throw them out or fake taking them. I don't know why I care, really, I just think it would be something fun for us to do.

"Hey, you think we could order pizza to the bus?" Mac asks suddenly.

Lila and I look at each other confused, then look at Mac.

"How would that even work?" she asks him. "Like, how... just... what?"

He shrugs. "We order pizza, pick a place, tell them to deliver it there."

"Its not a bad idea..." I say hesitantly. "But at that rate we should just go get the pizza?"

I'm kinda bummed that my logic is still here. I know I took the edibles twenty minutes ago but I kinda thought they'd hit right away. I know it's going to take an hour but still, hoping never hurt.

"I actually made sure we have tons of food on the bus already." Lila says. "Since I had the time yesterday."

Her comment insinuates that Mac and I like left her alone last night on purpose, even though shes the one who didn't wanna come. But whatever, we gotta be in a good mindset for this trip so no point in letting her comments get to me.

"So, how long will this trip last?" Lila asks Mac.

He shrugs. "About six hours. If you feel it starting to die out but wanna continue just take another. We have until Friday to come down from them."

"Well, really until Thursday." I say. "We can't really be on shrooms during our set."

Mac grins and starts to say something but Lila cuts him off. "Mac, no. We can't."

Mac's grin is such a cute one. Mac in general is cute, with his light brown hair thats too long on the top and falls over the side of his hair, unless of course he has a hat on to cover it. His backwards hat gets me every fucking time.

Ah, fuck, I think the shrooms are getting to me already. Oh I can't do this with Mac. Not again. Not just because of Vic - why am I thinking about Vic. We're just friends, I don't owe him anything. If I wanna fuck Mac I will. God, no! Wren, get it together, you can't fuck Mac.

"WREN!" Lila yells, snapping me out of my thoughts.

I blink in surprise at her. How long was I in my thoughts for?

"Whats up?" I ask, unsure of what Ive missed.

"We're going to stop at Little Caesars, its in a town 15 minutes away so we're ordering now. What do you want?" Lila asks.

"Oh, um, breadsticks for sure." I answer. "With cheese! And whatever pizza you guys are getting, I'm down with our usual."

"Two things of cheesy breadstick and one extra large pepperoni and mushroom pizza then." Mac says as he adds what I'm assuming is the food to his cart on his phone.

"Wait, are our shrooms going to kick in while we get the pizza? Because I don't think I can go in if I'm high like that." I say.

Lila rolls her eyes at me. "I'll go in and get it. God knows I'll be the only one who will still be waiting for the drugs to kick in. I know yours did already." she says looking at Mac before turning her attention to me. "Yours are gonna hit soon, you're getting that look on your face."

"I don't have a look!" I say defensively even though we all know I do in fact have a specific look when under the influence of anything.

"You totally have a look." she replies. "Your eyes get all sparkly and your face is just content and its actually so cute."

I look at her confused. Lila rarely compliments anyone but herself, so to hear her say that is just so unexpected. Apparently it catches her off guars too because for the first time in the whole time I've known her, she blushes.

"I'm gonna go wait up front." Lila says quickly. "We should be there in like four minutes."

"Our food wont be ready yet for another fifteen even after we're there." Mac says, his voice calm and deep.

"Its fine." Lila says. "It'll be nice to stretch my legs once the bus stops anyways."

I watch her as she leaves, confused still. What the hell was that awkwardness about? Maybe her shrooms are starting to kick and she is just saying stuff before she has the chance to stop herself. I mean, I almost did that with Mac before when I realized I wanted to fuck him.

Not that I do. I don't. Shouldn't, really.

"I'll be back in a bit!" Lila yells through the bus, followed by the sound of the bus doors opening.

I look at Mac to ask him if he thinks she's being weird but when I look at him, I catch him looking at me and forget anything I wanted to say to him.

"You're staring at me." he says, his voice almost seductive sounding.

"I'm not." I say weakly.

He nods. "You are."

"You were first." I point out.

He inches a bit closer to me on the couch, making me feel weirdly warm on the inside, and well, in certain specific areas.

"Lila wont be back for like another fifteen minutes, you know." Mac says, a small smirk forming on his lips.

"Mac..." I say softly.

"Yeah?" he asks, his voice low and soft as mine.

"We shouldn't." I say.

"We wont then." he says. "Not if you don't want to."

But thats the problem. I want to. I want to so bad. Maybe I always wanted to. Even though we're just friends, theres an obvious attraction here. Since the day we met theres been one and we've been great at not giving in until last year.

He keeps his eyes on me, sensing my hesitation.

"Wren, if you don't want to its fine, no pressure." he says. "I know you're with Vic."

"I'm not with Vic." I say, but my body starts to feel warm at the thought of Vic. I wish he was here right now too. But he's not. And Mac is. "You said fifteen minutes?"

Mac grins at me, his face seemingly lighting up as he does.

"We better get to it." I say as I start taking my sweater off.

And so we do.

Chapter Text

By Friday morning the shrooms are fully out of our systems. We took more Thursday around 3am when we felt a dip in the effects. The travelling is long, after all, we needed more to keep us going. The sights aren't exactly pretty either on tour. Its just trees, roads, cornfields, and the occasional town. Not really much to brag about.

Now that I'm thinking clearly, I have some regrets. Namely, Mac. Not that I regret him or anything but I know what we did was stupid. We avoided our sexual tension for years, and now we keep slipping up more and more each tour. This time was especially dumb since Lila could've walked in at any time. Luckily she didn't. She walked in maybe five minutes after we were done thanks to the fact that apparently everyone had ordered food at the same time as us so it took longer to get it.

My phone buzzes beside me in my bunk. I hope its not Mac.

I hold my breath and look down and see its from Vic

'hey, you promised you'd text me'

I smile a little. Poor guy, I completely forgot to text him.

'its been a crazy two days' I reply.

'...we've been travelling for them.' he responds almost instantly.

I try and think of a good comeback, one that doesn't elude to the fact that I was on a little shrooms trip while we travelled, but nothing comes to mind, so I just tell him the truth.

'ya, but we kinda took shrooms' I reply.

A second after I press send, my phone starts buzzing. Vic's calling me now. Probably still thinking we're on shrooms.

"I thought you weren't going to answer." Vic says before I can even greet him.

"Honestly I wasn't." I joke.

"Thats messed up." he replies and I can almost hear the smile in his voice. "First you don't text and now you don't wanna answer calls? I've been good to you, I don't deserve this."

"I have a feeling you're good to everyone." I say, the words slipping before I can catch them.

"Whats that mean?" he asks, his tone losing the teasing it had a second ago.

I feel my face warm up. I'm glad he's not here to see it. "I just mean as a lead singer you kinda represent your band so you have to always, you know, like put on a performance."

"Is that what you think I'm doing with you?"

I stall for a second. "No."

"Wow." Vic says, dragging out the 'o.' "You think I'm playing you!"

"No, not playing!" I say defensively. "I just think you're being very nice because we're on tour together and its kinda your job to be nice."

"Not behind closed doors it isnt." he points out. "Plus, I'm not this nice to Lila or Mac."

I consider this for a second. He is decent to Mac, but its true, hes nicer to me than either of them. But thats just because I'm nice right back.

"Look, at 10 our bus is stopping for an hour to gas up and just take a little break." he says. "You guys are probably doing the same, yeah?"

I look down at the time and see its 9:45. "Yeah, we're supposed to be." I say.

"Come on our bus when we stop then?"

Ray would kill me. We travel as a team no matter what. ...But then again Ray isn't here. He left us. But I think he'd notice if we don't all get off the bus together like we're supposed to.

"I don't know..." I say slowly. I want to, I really do, but I know its not smart.

"We're only travelling for six more hours afterwards, its not a huge deal." he says.

"I just don't think Ray would love it."

"No problem, I can come on yours?" he asks.

Oh yeah, that would be great. Between Lila who apparently hates him, and Mac who I fucking slept with the other day. What a time that would be.

"I'll join yours." I say. "No one would notice anyways."

"Perfect, I'll get the bus ready for us." he says.

"Now what does that mean?" I ask in an accusing voice.

He laughs into the phone then hangs up, giving me no info at all.

I set my phone down beside me on the couch in the back lounge. I guess in ten minutes I'll be joining Vic on his bus. Which I am excited about, but I can't help but feel somewhat guilty. I know we're not together and we're just friends, but sleeping with Mac made me feel like I betrayed him somehow. I guess if all does go well with Vic I wouldn't mind being more than frien-

"Are you leaving the bus?" Lila asks, cutting off my thoughts.

She's dressed in her pjs still, which today consists of the shortest plaid shorts I've ever seen and a cropped black t-shirt that has our band name on it. Her hair is up in a cute high bun with half her hair falling out of it. Its clear she fell asleep with her hair up and hasn't bothered to fix it yet.

"Yeah, I'm gonna join PTV for the last like six hours." I say.

"Ray's gonna be pissed."

"Ray left us, why can't I go too?"

She crosses her arms at me. "So you're just gonna leave Mac and I alone?"

"Li, you guys are friends, I think you'll be okay."

"Thats not what I mean." she says, dropping her arms in a helpless manner before she turns and walks away from me.

I know Lila likes being the center of attention but at this point its getting to be a bit much. I can't continually just be waiting around for her to hangout with me - which she rarely does when I'm on the bus anyways.

I sigh as I stand up. Its annoying of her, but I still need to go pack my stuff.

As I get to the bunks I see her curtain shut and it takes everything in me to not make a comment.

"Can you keep it down?" Mac's groggy voice says, filling the room.

"I unzipped my bag." I say, my voice slightly tinged with annoyance. "How did that wake you up?"

"I was awake already listening to you guys." he says. "You were loud then."

I start zipping and unzipping my bag over and over again, bringing the back right outside of his bunk.

"Man, fuck you." he says. "Go to another bus."

"I am."

His curtain pulls back so quickly that it scares me.

"Where you going?"

His hair is a mess, its thrown all over the place. Hes not wearing a shirt either and from the looks of it, nothing on the bottom except for the blanket thats wrapped around his middle half.

"I'm, uh, going to PTVs bus." I say as I turn and put my bag back down on my bunk.

"Ray wont be happy." he says.

It kind of annoys me that thats the first thing he says. He doesnt say that he'll miss me, or ask why, just says Ray will be mad. Well good. Because Im mad that Ray fucked off.

"I dont care." I say, the annoyance in my voice becoming clear.

"Hey maybe I'll come." Mac says. "We can all go."

I turn around and look at him to see if he's serious. He looks like he is which is the craziest part.

"Dude, no." I say. "Terrible idea."

He grins at me. "Why? Because you don't want anyone to know we–"

"We're here!" Lila yells, cutting Mac off at the perfect time. "Time for you to leave us!" she says as the bus doors open and she exits.

"Jesus Christ." I say with an eye roll. "Between you and her I don't know why I'm still in this fucking band."

I grab my bag and turn away from Mac, not even saying goodbye.

Before I get off the bus I hear Mac say quietly "I know why you're still here."

It pisses me off even more.

Chapter Text

We may have been the ones who got high and "trashed" our bus on shrooms, but compared to PTVs bus ours is spotless. As soon as I walk in there's like seven pairs of shoes near the door, there's a random blanket thrown over their kitchen table, and there's clothes literally everywhere. It makes me a little more thankful that my band isn't just men. It also makes me a bit jealous. I wish I could be this careless everyday. I left an empty chip bag on our kitchen table before and I still feel guilty about it.

"I'm so sorry about the mess." Vic says from behind me. He picks up the blanket and throws it on the bench as if that solves the clutter problem.

"Oh, its fine." I say, pulling myself from my thoughts. "Honestly I kinda expected it."

He grins at me with that stupid sweet smile. "You did? Well in that case, let me just." he takes his sweater off and much to my disappointment he has a shirt underneath. While maintaining eye contact with me he throws his sweater onto the floor of his bus and looks at me proudly.

"What a power move." I say faking as if its truly impressed me.

"I'm actually not gonna leave that there." he says as he bends down to pick his sweater back up. "The guys are messier than I am honestly, but I don't feel like picking their shit up all the time so I've learned to let it go."

I nod at this. "I respect that. I like a clean man."

He raises an eyebrow at me. "So if I was trying to impress you - not that I am - but if I was trying, you'd say I was doing a good job?"

I lift a hand to my chin and pretend like I'm really thinking about it. "Yes."

"Yes?"

"Yep." I say confidently. "You're doing good."

"Cool, cool." he says and leans back against the table. "And if I wanted to impress you more, what could I do then?"

I feel my cheeks start to turn into a warm, pink blush. I refuse to let him know that hes getting to me, though.

"I'm not easy to impress." I say giving him my most earnest look.

His mouth pulls into a smirk. "I know you're not."

"Buying me food always impresses me." I say.

"Okay, and what else?" he asks, taking a small step towards me.

I'm suddenly aware of how close we are to each other. If I wanted to I could reach out and touch him, closing the little distance we have between each other. I could be mere centimeters away from his soft eyes and even closer to his lips. The idea makes me feel so warm and like this bubbly feeling and for a second I almost give in. Its not like theres anyone else here to see it.

But instead I take a step back. I try to be subtle, but Vic notices the distance I try to play off. His face softens, the flirtatiousness that was there a second ago completely dissolving.

"Wren." he says, his eyes glued to mine.

I know he's going to ask whats going on here. Between us. But I just ...can't. I can't bring myself to tell him the truth because I don't know what it is. I slept with Mac. Again. And I liked it. But I also like Vic, or I think I do. But I know his type as well. He's the leader singer of one of the most popular bands in our genre for fucks sake. I know what that entails and I don't know if I'd be able to handle the constant worry of whether or not he's with some other girl.

God why did I agree to come on this bus? Its too late to get off it now.

"What entertainment did you have planned for us?" I ask him, diverting the talk we we're about to and not about to have.

He continues looking at me, his head tilting slightly. For a second he doesn't speak and I think he didn't hear me, but as I go to repeat myself he answers me.

"Shrooms, obviously." he says.

I laugh. "Come on, what did you really have?"

He pulls out a bag from his sweater and shows me it. "I wasn't kidding."

In the bag is about 10 little white and beige pills. They don't look like the shrooms we took the other day but I guess theres a million different ways to do drugs now.

"Oh." I say feeling like an idiot. "I just came down from my high. Plus we have a show tonight, I don't think its a great idea."

"Don't worry." he says, opening the bag. "I was just planning on having us microdose. I'm not big into drugs, if I had to alter my mind I'd choose drinking."

"Oh, okay, sure then." I agree. "I don't mind."

My attention turns towards the bunks where I see a very tired looking Tony slump out of his bunk and start towards us. Judging by the fact that hes just in boxers I'd say that Vic didn't tell anyone that I'm joining their bus for the next couple of hours.

Vic turns his head and sees him, a smile forming on his face. "Hey Tone, Wren's here."

Tony looks up at me and stops in his tracks.

"I'm not changing." he says, which makes me laugh. He cracks a smile back at me.

"You want one?" Vic asks, holding a pill up to Tony.

"Sure, I'll have two." he says.

"Do you even know what it is?" I ask, seriously doubting that he cares. Tony seems like the quiet one, but I've seen the way he parties and its fucking hard.

"Nah." he says as he takes the pills from Vic. "I don't think I'm being poisoned though, so I'm fine with it."

He downs them right away, not even taking them with water or anything. I'd expect him to take it with alcohol, actually, so it surprises me that he doesn't. But I guess they're like us. We party after a show and sometimes even during, but never before one. We've done it a couple of times and even though our set went great, we felt like complete shit after. Its exhausting enough to perform but when you're dehydrated from alcohol and everything is kinda blurred it makes it that much harder.

"So whats the plan for the rest of the ride?" Tony asks.

"Well, Wren and I are gonna kick back with some movies, maybe some games." Vic says.

"I guess Im not invited then." Tony says looking salty.

"I guess not." Vic says as he hands me one of the pills. "It wont be like last time when you were on shrooms."

I nod and take it hesitantly. I trust Vic I guess. I mean my body isn't screaming at me to not take it, so I think that's trust, right? In this scene we meet a lot of people who aren't trustworthy at all and only want in with you so that they can control you or get fame for themselves which makes it hard to know if people actually like you for you.

Tony slumps down at the kitchen table, lounging on the bench. Its clear hes still not over whatever he drank yesterday.

"Come on." Vic says to me. "Lets head to the back."

We pass the bunks along the way and it honestly seem like theres no one else on this bus but us because of how quiet it is.

"I don't think we'll have to worry about anyone disturbing us." He says as we sit down in the back. "Pretty sure Jaime and Mike are going to be out for awhile. Things got a bit wild last night on our bus."

"You seem fine." I remark to him. He looks like his time has been calmer than mine, which with his band is surprising.

"Yeah, well I knew I was going to invite you here today, so I didn't want to be too out of it, you know." he says.

"You only invited me this morning, though." I point out.

"Semantics." he says, brushing off my comment. "Now are you ready to get your ass beat in Mario Cart or do you want to leave here with your dignity?"

"Oh are you kidding?" I ask. "You're the one who's going to be begging me to stop destroying you in this game."

He rolls his eyes dramatically at me. "Yeah, I'm suuure. I bet you're so good."

"Better than you at least." I say smugly.

"Okay then. Lets place a bet." he suggests.

"I'm intrigued." I mused. "What did you have in mind?"

"Loser has to buy winner food after."

"Deal." I say instantly. "I can't wait to have free food afterwards."

He holds up the middle finger to me which makes me laugh.

"Hurry and set it up." I say. "I have some winning to do."

"Maybe you do, but it wont happen today." he says as he hands me a paddle. "Good luck."

I wound up eating for free afterwards. Just as I knew I would.

Chapter Text

The worst part of any tour has got to be the crazy emotions that we experience. Last year I remember going through a two week funk where all I could do was perform, eat, then sleep. Even that was hard at times. Our bodies and minds just get exhausted after awhile and we kind of just ...break.

After tonight's show that's how I feel. I'm in another low tide. I've felt it coming for awhile now honestly, I just wasn't expecting it to hit this hard. But then again, the lows only feel this low when you in it. When you're out you look back and wonder why you were so worried, you convince yourself that you've never really felt that way before even. I think that's one of the most human things ever. We feel our present emotions and forget our past ones.

My phone starts to ring pulling me from my thoughts. I wipe the tears from my face and look at my phone screen. Its Vic. We're not travelling tonight so everyone is at some bar downtown so I assume he's calling to see why I'm not joining the nights festivities. I cant be bothered to answer it though, so I send it to my voicemail.

Almost instantly my phones screen changes to the incoming call screen, again from Vic. Again, I send it to voicemail.

Currently the only thing I want to hear is my music from a playlist I called 'Saddest Songs Around.' I know it sounds dramatic, but its just how I'm feeling. I'm just sad. I'm tired. I'm -

The sound of the bus doors opening cuts off my sad inner monologue.

"Wren?" a voice calls out into the dark bus. Its Vic's voice. Great. I don't want him to see me like this. He thinks Im fun or whatever, not a giant fucking cry baby.

"Wren? You here?" he calls again into the bus, his voice getting closer to the back of the bus as he walks through it.

The lights start to come on in the bus much to my demise. For a second I consider acting like I'm not here or even asleep, but I'm in the back so I'm trapped and with the way my face looks right now its clear that I wouldn't have been sleeping seconds ago. It seems like hes going to see me like this after all.

"Yeah." I say, my voice monotone. "I'm in the back."

Subconsciously I pick up one of the pillows nearby and clutch it to my chest. I know its not protection or anything, but right now its the best thing I have to put distance between Vic and me because God knows I don't want to be this vulnerable with him.

"Hey!" Vic says as he gets to the back. "How come you're not -"

He stops midsentence when he sees me sitting there in my giant hoodie, my tear stained faced and me clutching a tiny pillow. He stands there and studies me for a solid five seconds without saying anything. Then much to my surprise, he sits down beside me, putting one arm around me, his hand gently moving my head to his shoulder.

"Whats going on?" he asks in the softest voice I've ever heard him use.

I said I was going to be strong but as soon as he says that, I break. Tears flood my eyes, spilling over instantly and warmly against my cheek. My breathing gets shaky and little cries escape my lips before I can stop them.

Vic gently readjusts us so that I'm pretty much completely in his arms now which for some reason makes me cry a little harder. He strokes my hair as I cry, not saying a word the entire time.

"I'm sorry." I say between cries and sniffles.

"Hey, you don't have to be sorry." he says in that soft, caring voice. "Do you want to tell me whats going on?"

"Its stupid." I say as I pull back from him. I use the back of my hoodies sleeve to wipe my eyes then nose. "Its just ...I'm just ... I'm tired." I say then take a giant shaky breath. "I'm exhausted from this tour and we're not even halfway done it."

"I understand." he says in such an empathetic voice that I truly believe him. "I get this way at least once every tour."

I look at him in surprise. "You do?"

He nods. "Usually around the halfway point or end. Its not easy what we do. We have to be available pretty much every second of the day for our fans or our band members. We forget to take care of ourselves."

"Its so tiring." I say. "I love the fans, I love the music, I love it, don't get me wrong. But sometimes I just wish that I was-"

"Normal." Vic says, filling the word in for me.

I nod. "Yeah, normal."

"Me too." Vic admits which surprises me again. He sighs deeply. "I want all those normal things sometimes, like a normal work schedule and a house I can live in for more than six months out of the year - if I even get to be there for six months. One year I stayed at my place for two and a half months."

"Sometimes it feels like a waste to even have a house." I say thinking about the fact that mine also sits there empty most of the time.

"Can I tell you something?" Vic asks, his face serious.

I nod. "Yeah, always."

He looks around as if someone is listening to us just to hear his confession.

"Last year I almost quit all this." he says.

"Really?" I ask, completely shocked. They've been at the height of their career for three years now, its crazy to think he would've quit in the middle of it.

"Yep." he says. "I was in a relationship for six years and she wanted the whole house and family thing, and so do I so I was going to let it all go for her."

"And then?" I ask, sensing that this story doesn't end like he wanted it.

"And then she couldn't stand me being on the road for so long. She couldn't trust me either, she always assumed that I was getting with fans even though I would never do that. Which is ironic, though, because she was the one cheating." he says. "For the last two years she was seeing someone else and kept it a secret."

My heart breaks a little for him. He's a genuine guy, always nice and sincere, and here he was willing to give up his fame and everything for someone who couldn't even be faithful and wait it out. I bet e was giving her everything she always wanted too and it wasn't enough.

"I'm sorry Vic." I say sincerely. I put an arm on his shoulder to comfort him and show him that I mean it. "You didn't deserve that."

He shrugs, acting like it doesn't bother him but I can tell that the wound from that isn't fully closed yet.

"Enough about me." he says. "I kinda just steamrolled over your sadness with my own."

"I don't mind." I say. "It was a nice distraction."

"Oh I have sadder stories then. If my pathetic life makes you smile then I'll tell you ever tale of woe I have." he says a smile on his face.

I can't help but give a little laugh. "Please don't. I might just end up crying because of how sad your stories are. And your life isn't pathetic. You're in one of the most popular bands in our scene."

"So are you." he points out. "Double edge sword."

"Yeah." I agree. "Its the best thing I've ever done and also the worst."

"But here we are." he says, smiling while looking deep into my eyes.

"Here we are." I repeat. "Thanks for coming here."

"Anytime." he says softly.

"And, uh, sorry for ignoring your phone calls." I say, a smile creeping its way onto my face.

He laughs. "I don't blame you. In fact I'm surprised that you answer at all."

"Fuck off." I say and give him a nudge.

He laughs and catches my arm mid-nudge and holds it there. Its deathly quiet in the bus as we look at each other, my arms in his hand, our bodies so close that it seems almost like we're guilty of something.

"I'd like to ask you something." Vic says quietly.

"Yes?" I say, waiting for what he's going to say.

"Is that your answer or you want to hear the question?"

My heart is pretty much beating out my chest right now. I don't think I've taken a breath since the moment he caught my arm.

"Both, but question first." I respond.

"Can I kiss you?" he asks. "I'll still wait for an answer."

I'm hit with a million feelings when he asks it. I'm so nervous that my stomach is hurting like crazy. For a second I'm convinced that I'm going to throw up but I keep it under control.

"My answer is still a yes." I say. My voice doesn't shake once and it makes me proud of myself.

Slowly, the hand that was just holding my arm reaches out and hooks around my neck and starts to pull me towards him as his face closes the gap. His free hand makes it way onto my knee and a second later my hand covers his. My other hand snakes around his back to pull him in, both of us desperate to bridge the gap between our lips.

The second our lips touch my body feels calm. And turned on. So fucking turned on. His lips are soft and eager, matching mine as we kiss. I go to pull away after our kiss, but he pulls me back in and kisses me again. And again. And again. And then once or twice more for good measure.

"I think we should stop there." he says, his breath soft on my face as he speaks.

I nod lightly. "I think we should."

"Or maybe one more for good luck?" he says as his eyes bore into mine.

A smile forms on my thoroughly kissed lips. "We wouldn't want to be unlucky."

He grins back at me, then comes in and kisses me again.

My whole body feels like its on fire in the best way ever. I don't ever want this feeling to end.

Chapter Text

I avoid Vic the next day. I'm not proud of it and I don't even want to avoid him, but I don't know quite what to say to him. Its not like I can just go up to him and be like 'oh hey, sorry for crying the other day but thanks for kissing me, it was really cool and I want to do it again.' I mean, I could say that, actually, but then what kind of loser would I look like? It would be pathetic. So for that reason alone, I avoid him. I think maybe he's doing the same because he doesn't try to speak to me either. Maybe he regrets it.

Unfortunately, an unexpected part of avoiding Vic means little social interaction. I didn't realize how much I saw him before now, but truth is like every second of the day was spent with him, aside from our time performing or travelling.

For the past day now all I've seen is our bus. I'm actually afraid to step off it in case he's there. Even now as I'm headed down to our changing room I'm afraid to run into him.

Luckily I make it in without running into him, but instead running right into what looks like an awkward moment between Lila and Mac. I'm not sure which scenario is worse.

"You guys good?" I ask, my hand still on the door handle in case an exit is my best strategy here.

"Yeah, we're good." Lila says quickly, a blush creeping over her cheeks.

I look at Mac to see if his face is giving away whats going on but much to my annoyance its completely blank. Fucking Mac with his incredible poker face. The amount of money I've had to give to him after he's bluffed me out of a great hand is beyond annoying.

"Talking about me?" I muse while hoping thats not actually the case.

To my surprise Lila actually laughs a little at this. "No, we're not. We were talking about the band and how it started and everything."

"Oh." I say as I sit down beside Mac on the couch. "That was so long ago."

"We were young then." Mac says with a grin.

"Some of us still are." Lila jokes. She's the youngest of us at all 26 and she never lets us forget it.

"Don't start." I warn. "I'm only a year older than you."

"Yeah, but you guys were, what, 18 when we started this?" Mac says.

I smile as I think back to it. We were super young when we started the band. Lila wasn't even 18 yet, her birthday was two months after our "first" show. It was at some random bar in the city we were living at the time. Our first song was called Window's Exit and it was loosely based on the girlfriend Mac had just broken up with at the time. He had gone over one night to surprise her on their anniversary but it turns our she was cheating on him so he wound up sneaking out her bathroom window and then never talked to her ever again. God, at the time he was so heartbroken over her. I think our whole first album was centered around her a little.

Almost as if he's reading my mind, Mac says "Yeah, fuck Julia."

Instantly all three of us burst out laughing.

"Remember our first tour after we got big?" Lila says. "Julia showed up and kept trying to get backstage to talk to you."

"Oh man." Mac groans. "That was so fucking awkward. It had been like three years since we dated at that point."

"We all made some dating mistakes at the beginning." Lila says, her eyes focused on me. "Some of us dated worse people than Julia. Some of us dated Tyler."

"Hey!" I exclaim. "In my defense, he was really cute. And he wasn't that bad!"

"He didn't text you for two months then asked to borrow five grand." Mac says.

I can't help but laugh at this. "Okay, so he wasn't all that great. But," I say turning my attention to Lila. "Don't forget that you dated Ben."

"Oh ew." Mac says, his face turning into one of disgust. "Yep, Ben was the worst. He gave me the fucking creeps."

"He once watched me sleep for six hours." she says. "That was the last straw for me."

"He was so messed up." I say.

"I'm surprised we haven't dated each other." Lila muses. "I mean, we've all been together for almost 10 years, I'm just surprised no one's caught feelings."

I resist the urge to look at Mac. From the corner of my eyes I can see him glance at me before looking back to Lila. Its so discreet that I wonder if she noticed.

"I was into you." Mac says to her, catching me completely be surprise.

"What? when?" shes asks, clearly just as surprised as I am. "When we first started?"

"Dude, no. You were 17, I was 20." he points out. "It was a couple of years ago. During the tour for our Vexxed album."

I think that was four years ago, but at this point the tours just blend together.

"Are you kidding?" Lila says. "I had the worst haircut of my life that year. I had bang. Not bangs, just one side was cut." she says, folding her hair up on one side to show us her 'bang' that she had.

"It was cute!" Mac says with a laugh. "Plus we were always together since Wren was off with Tyler."

A part of me is actually a bit jealous that he was into her. Maybe if I hadn't have been with Tyler so much Mac would've been into me and we could've like, dated or something. But then again we've both been single since then and we haven't made it work, so maybe we're better off as friends. Its simpler.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Lila asks sincerely.

Mac gives a little shrug. Its clear that he doesn't want to talk about this anymore.

"I didn't wanna mess the band up." he says.

"Its against the rules anyways." I chime in which earns me an amused look from Mac.

The door to our changing room bangs open and Ray's never amused face appears.

"You guys are on soon." he says. "Just checking that you know that."

"PTV hasn't even got to their encore yet." Lila says. "We still have at least 15 minutes."

"Yeah, you do." he agrees. "And I want you guys upstairs for them. Still need to get your pieces in and your-"

"We're coming." Lila says cutting him off.

Out of all of us, Lila's the one who stands up to him the most. I guess she knows that without her there wouldn't be a band, and Ray knows that very well. If Mac or I quit they could easily find people to replace us, but Lila's voice is the thing thats got us this far. Ray may hate to admit it, but we all know he respects it.

"Upstairs in two." he says giving us his best stern look.

As the door closes behind him we all look at each other.

"Now thats a person who I'm surprised is still here." Lila says with a laugh.

The three of us is a given, but Ray sticking with us has been a surprise.

"To us." Mac says, lifting his Redbull in the air.

"To us!" Lila and I cheer as we join in.

"Now lets go do what we're best at." Mac says.

We all get up and head upstairs feeling great and more importantly, feeling together.

Chapter Text

Our next three shows go off amazing. The chemistry is perfect, the timing is flawless, we play hard and the fans cheer harder. The energy is unlike anything we've really had before. Even Ray has been praising us like crazy. He keeps bragging to everyone and got us a bunch of random interviews.

Because of this, I haven't had time to even think of the fact that I haven't talked to Vic in a week. ...Okay maybe I do have time to think of it. I mean, its just weird. He kisses me and then doesn't talk to me for a week? Not even a text? We haven't had the chance to see each other in person which doesn't help. When they have a show, we're getting ready. When we're done, they're packing their bus. While we pack ours up, they're already on the move since we're changing cities nearly every single day.

And yet even with all this travelling, not a single text. Not that I've texted him either. But I feel like since he kissed me, he should text me. Its only right.

"And Wren" the interviewer says, snapping my attention back to the present moment. "You're single as well, right?"

"Yeah." I say. "We all are."

"No ones caught your interest on this tour?" she asks me with that classic interviewer tone that I've come to know and hate.

Still, I smile politely at her. "No one yet. But who knows, maybe one day. The tour isn't over yet."

"That goes for all of us." Mac chimes in. "I'm not against finding a girlfriend sometime soon."

When doing interviews, we all tend to take on certain personalities and they don't always reflect our actual ones. Mac is the charmer of our group while doing interviews when usually in real life its Lila, who in interviews is the one who takes most of our questions and gives more answers than personality. I tend to be quieter during the interviews which isn't that far off from real life. I just hate doing them so I tune it out until I hear my name.

"So guys, we're here to learn the answer to the question we're all dying to ask." the interviewer says. "What is going on lately? Your performances have been absolutely amazing!"

"Honestly we reconnected as a band." Lila answers. "We reminisced and just got closer after that and the energy from our trust is reflecting in the sets."

The interviewer nods her head like she understands. "Do you have any stories about when you started that you want to share with us here?"

"Its hard to pick just one." Lila says. "We've been together for almost ten years now, seeing each other almost every single day."

"Even our mistakes have been together as a group." Mac says, giving us a grin.

Instantly Lila and I know what hes referencing. During one of our first performances ever after we got some fame, we accidentally - and I mean it - accidentally got super stoned. One of the band techs had made brownies with weed in them and had forgot to tell us. Mac and Lila each had one and I didn't. About 20 minutes before our set, though, they realized what was going on. In pure solidarity, I ate a brownie so we could all go on stage together, high as hell. To this day its one of our worst performances yet.

"Do you care to elaborate?" the interviewer asks Mac.

His grin widens even more. "You know, I can't think of any concrete examples."

The rest of our interview is spent the same way, with questions that we don't wan to answer being asked, with knowing looks shared between us and then our tiredness hitting as all at the same time. After an hour we thank the interviewer and all staff who've had us in and make our exit into the warm spring night.

"Fuck that was long." Mac says. He's always the first to break character so its really not surprising that he's exhausted.

"I think they get longer each time." Lila says. "Especially live interviews."

"Nah, they're always this long, we're just more fed up of it as the tour goes on." I point out to them. "Good job trying to bring up the time we were high as hell."

At this Mac starts to laugh. "It was funny. The fans deserve to know."

"No they don't!" Lila argues. "God, it was such a terrible performance. I'm sure they knew already anyways."

"We played it off good at the time." Mac argues back.

"We did not!" Lila says with a giggle while giving Mac a little push.

I feel a slight twinge of jealousy at how close they seem. Since Mac told Lila he had a crush on her years ago they've been spending more time together and have been getting along a lot better. Its great for them, I'm just a little jealous I guess. Mac and I always had our thing, the whole 'will they wont they' thing. Now its looking like he has a 'when will they' thing with Lila going on.

"So there's a thing at a bar down the street." Mac says. "Tony just texted me asking if we're coming."

Both Lila and Mac glance at me as if I'm the one who makes the decisions around here or something.

"Why not." I say with a smile. "We're on the street anyways, right?"

It'll feel good to go out as a group. Its our first night where we're not travelling through it, so we might as well go ahead and have some drinks as a band. It'll be good for our team bonding, something we don't need help in lately but its still nice to do.

The bar we're going to is a really funky looking one. Theres pink and blue lights inside illuminating the dark interior. There's also a bouncer at the door which means its a tour only party going on right now. Thats usually how we do it to avoid all the harassment we experience from fans or creeps - or both.

"It looks fuller than usual." Lila remarks as we step inside.

Glancing around I see that shes right. Theres the usual people, I see some PTV members, their crew, our crew, even Ray. The one thing that sticks out is the women. Theres more of them than there is crew.

"What the hell is happening here." I muse out loud.

"Its Tony's birthday." Mac says with a smile on his face. "The guys invited all these women for him, and to embarrass him."

"Assholes." Lila says with a laugh.

"You guys want drinks?" Mac asks, heading to the bar.

"Tequila anything." Lila yells after him. "And grab a martini for Wren!"

I scrunch my nose up. "I don't want a martini."

She shrugs in response. "I think you'll like it."

We take a seat at a nearby booth and wait for Mac to come back with our drinks.

Looking around I try to spot Vic but he's not here yet. Or he's not coming. God, what if he's been sick or like dead and I'm here giving him shit for not even texting me back. But no way, he's definitely fine. They're still performing and everything.

"I got you an apple martini." Mac says as he places a drink down in front of me. He turns his attention to Lila. "I got you just an entire glass full of tequila with a splash of coke."

To Lila's credit it looks really good. Maybe she knows me more than I know me.

"My favourite." Lila says and takes a giant sip of her disgusting looking tequila drink.

"I got you another drink too, Wren." Mac says.

I nod my head up to him, as a way to indicate I dont know what he's talking about.

"Got you a tall, handsome glass of this guy." he says, pointing behind me.

Confused, I turn around to see whos there and come pretty much face to face with Vic. He grins at me, his stupid cute grin and I just want to melt.

"Howdy partner." he says as he slides into the seat beside me.

"Partner?" I question, my mouth turning up into a smile.

"Strictly cowboy speaking." he clarifies. "No funny business."

That last comment is lame enough to make me roll my eyes. But its cute though.

"You guys as excited as us to finally have a night off?" Vic asks everyone at the table.

I love how easy it is for Vic to just blend into any crowd he's with. When he's with fans, with crew, us, anyone, he kinda knows what to say. Its just so easy for him. It kinda makes me jealous sometimes.

To my surprise, Lila answers him. And she does it nicely.

"Its about time." she says. "Its been fun lately, but fuck, we're tired too."

"You guys have been killing it. You're making us look bad." Vic jokes in response.

"You don't need much help." Lila retorts with a grin on her face.

Could it be that she's ...happy? I haven't seen her like this all tour. She's back to her old self, like how she was last tour. Its nice to see.

We spend the next half hour sitting together with Vic, all of us just joking around and having a great time. After awhile Mac announces we need more alcohol and since they're all joking around, I go and grab the next round.

After I'm served our drinks, I feel an arm on the small of my back. I turn and see Vic beside me, his face more solemn than it was moments ago at the table.

"So, real talk." he says, leaning in so just us can hear him. "You've been kind of distant lately. Did I push it too far the other night?"

I feel my cheeks warm up - something I should be used to by now when I'm with him. His eyes search mine looking for an answer. Its clear that he cares and that he never wants to make anyone feel bad. It makes me like him just that much more.

"No, you didn't." I say, shaking my head. "I just felt kinda, like, awkward, I guess. Like, how do we navigate now? I don't know if this is something you do often or if-"

"Wow, hey." he says cutting me off. "Trust me, I never do this. In fact I make it a point to never do anything like this."

"Oh." I say. "Thennn why did you?" I ask, the words each coming out slowly.

"I couldn't keep talking myself out of it." he admits. "Every time I saw you I'd have to tell myself over and over again to not kiss you. I just got tired of listening to myself." he says with a shrug.

"Honestly me too." I admit.

He smiles at me so wide that Im almost concerned for his face muscles.

"So I guess the next question is, can I kiss you?" he asks me.

I glance around the full bar, half of my people, half of his.

"Here?" I ask, my voice a little nervous.

"Why not?"

On one hand I want to. He looks so kissable and I want everyone to know that he's mine. Kinda. But on another hand, we just started this. Its maybe too early to let our entire tour crew know about us.

"We don't have to." Vic says. "Its fine if you're uncomfortable."

"No, I want to." I say, my heart beating out of my chest at this point.

"You sure?" he asks, inching closer to me.

"They're already watching anyways aren't they?" I ask.

He glances to the side, a smile on his face. "Yep."

I grin back at him. "Then why not. Kiss me."

And he does.

Chapter Text

I'm sat at the table in the kitchen, last nights clothes still on, tummy grumbling and eyes avoiding the person in front of me.

Ray stares down at me, his face unamused. Its not that much different than how he usually looks at me, but this time he has a good reason. Okay, not a good reason per say, but a reason. And that's enough for Ray.

"Wren." he says, snapping me out of my head.

"Ye-" I start then clear my throat. Not guilty at all. "Yeah?"

"Nothing you want to say for yourself?" he asks.

I know what hes doing. He's trying to get me to tell on myself. It gives him more ammo in case I slip up and say more than he knows. Its happened so many times before, now I know to just keep silent and try not to say anything more than he does.

"No, nothing." I say.

I feel like I've been pulled over for speeding and Ray is the cop that likes to humiliate people. If the whole band/tour/person manager didn't workout for him a scornful police officer would be the best career switch honestly. Maybe I should tell him that.

"You're going to make me say it then?" he questions, as if I've committed a murder, which makes me want to really tell him about the police thing.

"Yes?" I say, my voice coming out as a question rather than a statement.

"Wren, you went did an interview a week ago saying you were single and then a day ago a photo of you kissing Vic, who I might remind you is the lead singer of the other band you're on this current tour with, went viral." he says. "This isn't a great look for you."

"Why not? It'll generate buzz between our fan bases." I say.

He looks at me like I'm stupid. "No, it wont. You know what'll happens. Your fans will be mad they can't get you. They'll be mad that Lila and Vic wont be together. Vic's fans will hate you because you're with him."

"Thats not how its going to-"

"Oh no?" Ray asks, cutting me off. "Thats not how it happened with Lila and James, right? Or Mac and Ashley? The time you tried to date Reece? Wren, I care about you. I care about how you're treated, with the fans, with the people you date, with everyone."

This is the first time he's ever been kind to me like this, saying he cares. Its bullshit, though. Its complete bullshit. All he wants is to control me, control the band. Its his job. Its all he's ever done. And he loves doing it.

"This is a mistake." he tells me. "You need to end things with Vic before your numbers start to fall off."

"Seriously, Ray?" I ask, starting to get annoyed. "This is about numbers?"

"Do you think Vic matters more than your fans? Or your numbers? Come on, Wren, he doesn't. Use your brain here."

"Ray you're being a bigger dick than usual." I say. "This thing with Vic just started. I have no idea whats going on, but its not going to ruin the band."

God, where does he get off deciding whats good or not for us. He hardly even knows us as people, to him we're just little puppets that make money for him. Its always been about that. Every single goddamn day and Im tired of it.

Ray goes to respond but I cut him off before he has the chance.

"And so what if it does?" I ask, my voice loud. "Maybe I'm tired of the band. Maybe I want to be a normal fucking person, okay?"

"You're at the height of your career, Wren, you're not going to just throw it away right now, are you?" he asks, his volume matching mine. "You'd do that to Lila and Mac? Just throw your whole fucking career out the window?"

"I don't know!" I yell as I stand up. "I'm tired of being tired. I'm exhausted every fucking night! You have us in back to back tours, sometimes travelling from one country to another in days. And when we're not touring you want us to write more shit. We can't drop an album every single year!"

"Not with this lack of dedication you can't!" he yells and slams his hand down on the table, right beside me. "You're fucking us all over if you think you're going to quit. You're in this band for a reason, fucking act like it."

"Yeah, I'M in the band." I point out. "You're negotiable. You're just a fucking manager and honestly you're doing a shit job."

"I'm doing a shit job?" he says, now in my face. "Me? Really?" he laughs.

"Yeah, you are. You treat us like fucking slaves. We need days off, we need months off. We need to relax sometimes for fucks sake."

"No, you don't. You need to learn to work better and deal with your issues."

"I'm trying to do that right now, but yet you're still fucking here!" I say and instantly regret it. Yelling at Ray is one thing, but insulting him like this is a whole other thing.

"Wren, get the fuck out of my face." he says, his voice low and angry.

"Then get the fuck off my bus!" I yell at him, pointing to the door.

He comes in close to me and to my surprise grabs my hair and pulls my ear close to his mouth.

"You need to learn to watch your fucking mouth." he says, pulling my head more.

"Get the fuck off me." I say, trying to push him off me, but all it does is makes his grip tighten.

"Stop moving and fucking listen carefully to what I'm going to say next."

My neck strains from the force. My scalp is burning with pain from my hair being pulled and for the first time ever with Ray I'm genuinely scared. Usually he's annoying, but I've never seen him this angry and I don't know what he's going to do next and that frightens me.

"Get your shit together." he says into my ear. "And shut the fuck up."

With that he lets go of me and pushes me back towards the kitchen booth. Instead I end up getting the table directly in my hip, before falling half onto the bench. A sharp pain shoots through my body, leaving my hip throbbing. I try to adjust myself quickly in case of anything, but he's already turned and is on his way off the bus.

I stare at the door after he leaves, almost afraid to get up in case he comes back.

Chapter Text

Despite Ray's warnings, a couple days later and I find myself in Vic's bunk again.

I haven't told anyone what happened between Ray and I. I don't know how to bring it up, and I don't want to embarrass myself by telling anyone what he did or said. I also don't want it to flip around on me somehow, like I instigated it because next thing I know, I'll be kicked out of the band. Its not worth losing everything, not now. Not while we're this big. So I'm keeping it to myself, I'm hiding my bruise until it heals.

Things got a little complicated, though. As Vic and I are fooling around, he grabs my hip and I flinch in pain, pushing him away.

"Did I press too hard?" he asks me softly.

"No, you're fine. I just bumped into something the other day and I got hurt."

"Lemme see it." he says, reaching to pull my shirt up.

"No its fine!" I say too quickly, pulling my shirt down quickly.

He looks at me confused. "Wren. Whats going on?"

"Nothing." I say. "I just don't want to make it worse or anything."

"Looking wont make it worse. Trust me, I've got plenty of bruises and scratches on tour, I'm pretty much a doctor now."

"I don't want you to see it." I say, my voice coming off a little too harsh.

"Ooookay" he says slowly, giving me a look like he doesn't believe me, but to my surprise he doesn't press it more.

"So where is everyone?" I ask. Usually his bus isn't this quiet. Actually, normally it isnt quiet at all.

"Tony and Jaime are out at some event today, like some race car thing." he says. "And Mike has been talking to someone for awhile now who lives in the area so he's off seeing her today."

"Oh thats cute." I say. "Have you met her?"

"Nah, not yet. Despite what everyone thinks he's usually lowkey with women."

I laugh. "Mike?"

"Yeah, Mike is." he says, his tone short.

"Last week he bragged about sleeping with three women in a single night." I remind him. "And two of them were still there when he bragged about it."

For the first time since I've known him I see a look flash across his face. Its not there long, but just enough for me to recognize it. He's angry.

I see him try to fight it, his eyes look in a different direction and he takes a deep breath, quiet but deep enough for me to notice his chest raise with it. His fists are, unbeknownst to him, clenched. Its weird to see Vic like this. He's always in a good mood, and if not then usually its sad, not angry.

"You know he's my brother, right?" he asks, his voice still controlled.

"Vic, I know." I say softly. I don't want to upset him but he's also delusional if he thinks that Mike isn't a womanizer. "I just was saying that Mike isn't, like, secret about his women."

"Is anyone secret on tour? I've seen Mac with women. Are you going to stick up for him, or is it just Mike who gets judged?"

"Okay thats not the same and you know it. Mac isn't with a different person every night." I point out.

His eyes return to mine and this time I see that his anger isn't concealed at all anymore. Its full fledge.

"Thats not the point." he responds, his voice low and angry. "You can't judge someone and not judge someone else who's doing the exact same thing just because you're close to him."

God, how did we even get into this argument? A second ago we were half naked with each other and having a great time. Now we're fighting about his brother who fucks everything with a pulse. Or even without, who knows.

"Lets just drop it." I say. "This is just going to get us into a fight."

After the whole thing with Ray I don't feel like fighting with anyone else. I know Vic wouldn't like, hurt me, but I still don't want to get into another disagreement and have another person angry at me, or me with them.

"We're already in one." he replies. "You have a problem with my brother because he's having fun on a tour. He's not hurting anyone, he's not promising women a ring or anything."

"And thats fine!" I cry. "Mike can do what he wants, he's a grown adult. I was just saying he's not secretive about it."

"Sure, but Mac can do-"

"Don't bring Mac into this." I say, cutting him off. "He's done nothing wrong."

"You stick up for him like you're fucking him too." he retorts.

My face instantly goes red. I know it does. There's not a good enough description in the world for the look of guilt that's probably on my face right now and Vic knows it too. He waits a couple of seconds to reply, but nothing comes out. My no response mixed with my blush and guilty face tells him everything he needs to know.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" he yells.

He stands and takes a couple steps back as if he needs to have physical distance between us, as if it'll help the situation.

"This whole time we've been doing this you've been fucking Mac too?"

"No! No, Vic, I haven't." I respond, my voice almost pleading. "We hooked up a couple times before but it was nothing serious."

"Before?" he asks, clearly not believing me. "When's the last time?"

I thought my face was already at the maximum guiltiness it could be at, but I guess I was wrong because its now like six shades more guilty.

"It was before we got more serious, I swear. It was like three weeks ago."

"Jesus Christ, Wren. Were you ever going to fucking tell me?"

"I didn't think it would matter." I say quietly.

Vic, who was growing calmer moments ago, is now back to being as pissed off as he was at the start of this.

"How the fuck wouldn't it matter?" he yells. "I actually fucking cared about you, and you were fucking some other guy. I tried to be friends with him for you!"

"It was before we were serious. I thought you just wanted to fool around, I didn't know you felt the same about me that I felt for you. Please, Vic, if you could just understand."

Much to my demise I feel the warm tears on my cheeks. I fucking hate crying in front of people, especially someone like Vic who I like and who is pissed at me. I know its my fault, I do. I shouldn't have done anything with Mac and I fucked it up, but Vic has to know it was a mistake.

"And you fucking judged my brother." Vic says disgusted.

"I wouldn't have done it if we were together." I say. "I wouldn't have fucked it up like that, but I genuinely thought you weren't actually interested in me."

Vic drops back down onto the couch, his head in his hands. I watch him as he takes a deep breath in then lets a shaky exhale out. His body is so still that if I didn't know better I'd think he was sleeping. Or dead.

"Vic." I say quietly.

I can tell his angers expired. All that's left in the moment is pain, pain that I caused and its killing me to see him like this.

"You should go, Wren." he says, his voice as quiet as mine. "I think its for the best."

"Vic, pleas-"

"Please, Wren. Just go." he says.

Theres a beat of silence between us, and the he speaks again.

"I'm sorry I yelled, okay? No matter what you did, you don't deserve to be yelled at. With that said, though, I need to be alone right now to process all of this."

I try to speak but the giant knot in my throat is making it hard to. I swallow hard and wipe my tears away, taking a deep breath to calm myself.

"I'm sorry, Vic, genuinely. I wish you could feel my regret." I say. "I'm gonna go, but I hope that eventually you text me."

"Yeah." he says and looks up at me, his eyes wet with tears. "I hope I do too."

Chapter Text

Our next set sucks.

We were late to our rehearsal, Lila's favourite guitar broke, one of our tech goes lost part of my drum kit and we only found it within seconds of going on, our energy was shit, I was too focused on Vic, and then I was too focused on ignoring Ray who was staring at me the whole time and not in a good way and I ended up messing up one beat. Lila was late to start off a song which caused an awkward riff between us all. It was all a fucking mess.

Our fans can feel the fact that we're not at our best either which bums us out more since we've been having such a great time lately. We feel like we're letting everyone down.

"God that was awful." Mac says as we get back into our dressing room.

"Worst performance by far." Lila grumbles. "Worse than the time we were high on stage."

"Can't wait to get back to the bus." Mac says. He turns and looks at me, his eyes softening. "You good?"

I haven't told him that Vic knows about us. I'm not sure if I even should. But I guess its best to hear it from me than have Vic yell at him or something.

"Yeah, I'm good." I say. "Just tired and disappointed by that."

"At least we sucked as a team." Mac says with a smile, clearly trying to cheer us up.

I glance out our dressing room door and see PTV walking up to go get ready for their set. Vic looks into the room for a second, then looks away quickly as our eyes meet.

Before I can stop myself I'm headed towards the door to talk to him. I need to know that we're okay, or even that he is.

"Back in the room." Ray says, his voice cutting me off before I even see him coming.

"I just need to talk-"

"You need to get back in your dressing room so I can talk to you guys." he says, his voice already angry.

I avert my gaze, placing it onto the floor and walking back inside. Admitting defeat isn't easy but I don't want to chance my luck. Especially since it feels like any luck I've had lately has run out.

The door slams shut behind Ray, leaving us trapped in with him.

"What happened out there?" he asks us.

We all know this is a trap. If we say something was wrong with our instruments, he'll ask why we didn't alert a tech. If we say we weren't feeling good physically he'll ask why we're not at our best. If we say we weren't feeling good mentally he'll ask why we didn't take a pill to calm us down or hype us up. There is no reason good enough for him, its all an excuse.

"Have you guys gone deaf due to your shitty music, or do you not have anything to say?" he asks, his annoyance growing.

"It was just a bad night." Lila says.

"No that wasn't a bad night, it was fucking terrible," he says and slams his hand down on the table next to him.

"Man, no need to get like this." Mac says.

I can tell he's tired of this more than we are. He's had enough of Ray's shit and honestly I don't blame him. Still, he can stand up against Ray in a way that Lila and I can't and he knows it.

"It was one bad set." Mac continues. "Next show will be better."

"If you even get a next show." Ray says. "You guys never think."

"We're on tour, theres going to be a next show." Lila says.

"You think we can't pull the tour midway through?" he asks with a laugh. "Its easier than you think."

"Ray, come on. It was a single bad show." I say against my better instincts.

"You," he says pointing at me. "shut up. I don't wanna hear it."

"Give us hell then." Mac says. "We're listening."

And boy does he ever. For the next 35 minutes Ray lays into us about how shitty our music is and how our attitudes are the worst. He tells us that when he first started working with us he didn't think we'd suck this bad but we outdid ourselves. He says that he could've been with a better band, even PTV would've sufficed. He only took us on as a band because he liked our look but clearly our look doesn't represent our talent.

Its nothing we haven't heard before so I'm really not paying attention. I'm not even surprised when he says that after this tour he's going to leave us. He said that last time. And the time before. Pretty much every single week he tells us that he's done and leaving. Its like an abusive relationship. Well I guess since he pushed me that it is an abusive one...

"Either perform better or don't show up next set." he says and walks out the door slamming it behind him.

"Such a dick." Lila says once the door closes.

"Yeah, dude, he's been really off lately." Mac says.

"I heard Erica wants a divorce." Lila says quickly. "I overhead him on the phone the other day, but I don't think I'm supposed to know, so don't say anything."

"I dont blame her." Mac says. "He sucks."

I wonder if the call was after my altercation with him. Maybe he was just pissed about that and took it out on me. Not that its an excuse to push me or anything, but still. At least its nice to know that he was upset about other things than just me. Its one less problem I've brought on myself.

"Bus?" Lila asks us. "I wanna play some Just Dance."

"You and your fucking Wii." I say and give her a little push.

Once we step into the hall we can hear PTVs set more clearly. Theyre playing one of my fave songs, Song for Isabelle. Its such a sweet song and the lyrics are deeper than they sound.

"Hey, you coming?" Lila asks, seeing me stopped at the door.

"Uh," I hesitate. "I think I might go watch their set for a little. At least this song."

"Suit yourself." Mac says as he throws an arm around Lila's shoulders. "See ya later."

My heart pounds as I make my way up to see them play. I know that Vic wont notice me, but the other guys might and I don't know if Vic told them what I did. I hope not.

As usual Vic looks great on stage. He's wearing a shirt that stops at the shoulders, showing his great arms off.

"Is there a train that travels back to yours at 5 a.m.?
Or are we walking?" Vic sings into the crowd who clearly love it.

I know its been two days but I miss him already. That voice doesn't help either. I shouldn't have cane to watch them.

I turn to leave but as I do, Vic turns and our eyes meet. Its clear he's surprised to see me there, and turns away.

He focuses on the crowd for a bit then turns back and faces me. His eyes harden on me and I know that these lyrics are dedicated to me.

"And I forgot to call you
I can't break you down
While I think about honey and the sweet New York sounds"

He breaks eye contact, but the message is clear. I'm not going to get a text soon. Or at all.

Chapter Text

"You guys didn't suck this time."

I turn and see our tech, Vince, leaning on a speaker. He's looking at me but is also somehow looking right passed. His eyes are an amazing blue and his hair is black and wild but short and manageable. He's also covered in tattoos and not those trash ones like a lion or trees, but really intricate ones. He has a moth tattoo right on his neck and for anyone else it would be weird, but for him it works. What I'm trying to say is that he's hot.

"Yeah, thanks." I say. He's hot but thats a dick thing to say.

"I'm playing with you." he says with a smile. "You guys sounded great."

"Oh thanks." I say awkwardly.

I'm sweaty, I'm thirsty as fuck and I'm exhausted. I don't know if I'm really in the mood to flirt with Vince the cute tech guy.

"Not to be that guy, but you've got the best energy out there." he says.

I roll my eyes at this. "Now you're just trying to make up for what you said before."

He grins. "Yeah, maybe so."

He looks around to make sure the coast is clear then takes a small step towards me. My heart gives a strong pound in my chest. I'm not interested in hooking up with him especially considering the whole Mac/Vic thing, but he is hot. I'm exhausted, not blind.

"So, you busy tonight?" he says, his voice changing to a flirtatious tone.

"Oh, actually, I don't think so."

He reaches out and touches my arm lightly. "We should-"

"WREN!"

The shouting of my name is so loud that it causes me to jump. I lift my eyes and see Ray standing by our dressing room, pissed as always. I'm surprised at how loud his voice is considering how far he's standing from us.

He motions me over to him, making my stomach turn uneasy. I forget how tired and thirsty I am, I just feel dread now.

"Guess I'll see you later." Vince says.

Ray stares me down the entire time I make my way over to him.

"Whats wrong now?" I ask in a tone of defeat.

"Get in." he says.

I enter the room surprised to see Lila and Mac there too. Lila doesn't even glance at me, almost like she's mad at me for something. Not that I blame her, it seems like nobody is talking to me lately.

"Guys, you're a mess lately." Ray says as I slink in the door.

"God, Ray, do we have to go through this again?" Mac says. "Our sound sucks, our attitudes suck, everyone's mad at everyone. No need for this."

"You wanna do this?" Ray tests. "You guys are adults and yet I need to come here and yell at you every single day."

"You dont have to." I mumble.

"Oh, great, the problem wants to chime in." Ray says sarcastically.

Before I can even think, the words "I hear you're the problem. Not in the band, just in your marriage." escape my mouth.

"Lila, Mac, you can go now. I need to speak with Wren privately." Ray says, keeping his eyes glued to me.

Lila and Mac don't even try to fight it. Instantly they get up and head for the door. They know him well enough to know that he's pissed beyond belief.

"Wren, you have to be fucking stupid." he says.

"I didn't mean it." I say quietly.

He stares at, unblinking, not moving at all. Its actually kinda creepy but also he looks so serious that it makes me want to laugh a little. I know I can't. He would actually beat my ass if I laughed at him ever, but especially now.

"I'm so fucking tired of you." he says as he approaches me. "I'm serious, Wren. I can't stand to see your fucking face everyday. You're here messing everything up for everyone, causing all these fucking problems. You just can't help yourself can you?"

"Im not causing any problems!"

"You ARE the problem" he yells.

A knock at the door separates us almost instantly. Vic opens the door, glancing between us. Even though we're not close right now, our faces give away the fact that something is going on and its not good.

"Wren, can I talk to you?" Vic asks carefully.

"We're in the middle of something." Ray says.

"Yeah," Vic says slowly. "I don't care. Wren?"

I duck out, more grateful for Vic now more than ever.

We get into the hallway and for once it's actually empty. And quiet. Vic must have heard what happened with us.

"So ...whats up?" I ask once we're in the clear.

"I just wanted to make sure you're okay. It sounded like it was getting heated in there." he says not even looking at me.

"Oh." I say, my face flushing. "Yeah, it gets kinda intense sometimes..."

"I think you guys should rethink your management." he says.

He keeps talking, but my phone goes off and the text I read makes me unable to focus on Vic. I reread the text from Mac over and over again.

'Lila knows we hooked up. shes pissed. shes talking about leaving the band.'

What the fuck. Could my luck get worse? This whole week, this whole entire tour has been a fucking mess. From Lila's attitude at the start to Mac and I to Vic to Ray to everyone in this entire fucking place.

"Yeah, or ignore me." Vic says, pulling me back to the present.

"Oh God, I'm sorry." I say, my voice starting to tremble.

I don't want to cry in front of Vic but I can't seem to stop the tears that are filling my eyes.

"I gotta go." I say quickly.

"Wren, whats going on?" Vic asks, calling after me as I speed walk out.

Everything is too much of a mess right now.

Chapter Text

I wish I would've gone back to the bus. I wish I would've tried to go back and make things right between Lila, Mac and I. But I didn't.

I booked a hotel and screened all the calls from Mac and Lila and Ray who kept trying to figure out where I am and why I'm not on the bus. It ended up leaving without me. The last text Ray sent me was a text saying they're getting a replacement drummer for the next show but I better be at the one after that. There's no way I can even make it to their next show. Its now two days later and they're at least two states away right now. I can't make it.

I'll be honest, I don't want to be there anyways. I don't want to play any show, especially when I know Lila doesn't want me there and that Ray can't stand to see me. Vic doesn't want me on the tour either. Everyone's better off without me. So I stay in Indiana.

It stupid, really. I don't have a change of clothes or a phone charger or anything. I has to go buy those things. I'm putting my entire career in jeopardy. But every single fiber of my being is telling me to not go back. My body and mind is telling me to stay in Indiana, to drop off the tour. Who cares anyways, there's about two weeks left in it. They're going to tell our fans that I'm sick and that a replacement is coming in. They'll be disappointed but it wont be the end of the world. Maybe for me it will be, but the fans will be fine.

Now Lila wont have to leave the band either. Her only problem was me. One of the texts I got was her saying she's pissed that I slept with Mac because her and Mac had been seeing each other since about a week after we slept together. I understand why she's mad but I hadn't known. How would I have been able to even know? Mac never said anything and neither did she. I can't take the blame for everything.

But maybe with me leaving then they can be together. Having a replacement drummer wont fuck with their relationship or whatever it is, they can thrive without me.

My phone goes off for the hundredth time. To my surprise I see that its Vic. I didn't think he'd notice or care or anything. There's a large chance its someone else calling me from his phone, probably hoping that I'll see Vic's name and want to answer. But no way.

The notification for Missed Call pops up and then a couple seconds later a notification for a Voicemail shows up above it.

Against my better instincts I press play.

'Wren, hey. I just heard that you left. Or you're missing, I don't know.' he starts, his voice tinged with worry. 'I just want to make sure you're okay. I don't know what's going on but judging from what I saw and heard the other day I think I have a pretty good idea. Can you call me back. Please. I need to know you're safe.'

Its really sweet of him to call. I wish it didn't affect me, but I feel the tears pooling in my eyes and I know I can't stop them.

I thought being in a band would be fun. It was supposed to be a constant party with close friends and amazing fans coming to see us every night. Now its just tiring. The fans are great but I'm exhausted from playing and rehearsing. We need to be in a good mood all the time for our fans. We exhaust ourselves to every single level, almost everyday. The only good part is the money. Early on in our career I started investing my money and putting it in high interest savings accounts, so now my money has pretty much tripled since the start.

What I'm trying to say is that I can retire right now, and I think I am.

Chapter Text

I guess the tour has finished. Actually, I know it has. It finished two months and fifteen days ago. I have some regrets over how I left especially since I never went back, but whats done is done. I saw an announcement saying that they have a new drummer set to start, which I don't blame them for. I never even returned anyones calls so I didn't expect them to keep waiting for me or anything.

I stayed in Indiana for a week after that last day, just trying to figure out what I wanted to do. If I should go back to the tour, if it was worth it. It wasn't an easy decision to make, but in the end I decided it wasn't. It was time to move on. So I bought a house in Del Mar. I bought a couple, actually. One for me, and the rest to rent out as a source of income as I figure out what to do next for my career.

I like it here. My house overlooks the ocean so every morning I get to wake up to the sound of water, which I later go have a morning dip in for about half an hour. Even though I have a pool in my backyard, I prefer a good morning swim in the ocean instead. I'm lucky that I can have this view and life. My days aren't stressful anymore, there's no more being on the road constantly, there's no more stress. Now my days are filled with art, the sun, music whenever I want, and Luke.

I met Luke after a month of leaving the tour, and he's exactly what I want. He's the typical blonde haired, blue eyed easy going beach guy. My favourite thing about him is how dependable he is. I can text him any time for anything and he's there. He's never like on the road for hours or sleeping at weird times. I mean, he's an accountant, so of course he's not on the road or anything. But thats the great part about Luke. I can count on the fact that he'll be at work at 8:30 each day and done at 3:30. I know he'll text me around 9 each morning to say good morning. Every Friday he shows up at my place with some fast food and a bottle of white wine. Its usually a terrible mix, fast food and wine, but it gets us tipsy so we don't mind.

"So, listen." Luke says as he's getting ice for our drinks. "I have a work thing next Friday."

"Oh." I say. I don't want to feel bummed, I mean we see each other every weekend so its a bit selfish of me, but it sucks still.

"Its in Torrance." he says. "Really nice spot too."

It must be nice to go to nice work places. Sure, my work sent me all around the country and even around the world sometimes. But his work sends him to nice restaurants at fancy hotels with long conferences.

I push my jealousy aside so I can try and be supportive of him and his work. "Well I hope you have fun."

"Wren, I'm inviting you with me." he says, a smile in his voice.

"Oh!" I say, clearly surprised. "I didn't realize."

"Clearly." he says and laughs. "You don't have to come if you don't want to."

"I do!" I say too quickly. "I mean, like, whatever, I guess."

"Lucky you're cute." he says with a laugh as he hands me my drink. "I'd like to pay for your appointment Wednesday."

Since I stopped performing is having my nails done. I know it sounds superficial to want them done all the time, but so what. I always wanted to have them but I could never before. I tried once and broke like every nail that I have within two songs. So now every Wednesday I go get them done.

"No, its okay." I say. "I have an appointment already."

"I know, but I like to treat you too." he says.

I've never told Luke what I did before. He knows I own properties, but other than that he has no idea how I make my income. Its not that I'm trying to hide it, I just don't feel the need to say it. I'm also not ready to talk about any of it yet, like why I left the band or anything. I can't do it. And I don't need to. I told him before that its something I don't want to talk about and he respected it, so I guess that chapter in my life is done for and buried.

"Okay, sure." I say. I've been trying hard to let him help with things. Its not always easy, but from time to time I break and let him do things for me.

"I also took the liberty of buying you something." he says.

He gets up and grabs something from the living room table. Its a small, square jewelry box, completely white all over. One the top of the box it says the company name with a small silver moon underneath it.

"Luke..." I say. "This looks expensive."

He grins down at me. "It wasn't too bad."

Not only did Luke come from money, but now as an accountant, he makes a lot of it. He's not showy about it, though. He lives comfortably and is still humble which is something I really admire about him. The only time he does show off his money is when he buys me gifts, but I know to him its not even about the money at all. He's bought me things from a pair of homemade earrings, to this necklace that is worth a lot more than most people would spend on jewelry.

"You don't have to buy me stuff." I say.

'I know." he says and takes a seat beside me. "But I like to."

Since our very first date he's been buying me little gits every week. Its his way of showing me he cares, and although its hard for me to accept the gifts, I do because I know its his way of showing he likes me.

"Open it." he coaxes me.

I open up the box and inside is the most beautiful 18K Rose Gold Vermeil Moonstone Necklace. Its the most beautiful necklace I've ever seen in my life. It leaves me absolutely speechless to see it.

"Do you like it?" he asks. As if I would say no.

"Oh my God." I say quietly. "Its the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

"You like it?"

"Of course I do!" I cry. "Its so gorgeous."

He takes the necklace from my hands and delicately lifts my hair, draping the necklace on my neck. He loops bar through the circle loop, to close it in front my neck.

"You're too good to me." I say quietly.

Lately I've been feeling something I haven't felt in the past couple of years. Its a feeling of happiness and warmth. The last time I really felt that was with Vic, but with everything going on it was hard to keep that warmth with me throughout my day. Now I feel that warmth often, sometimes it lasts through an entire week.

I feel a tinge of guilt over my thoughts of Vic. Luke is here in front of me giving me a very beautiful gift and I'm thinking of Vic. Who I miss. Who I hate to miss.

"You make it easy to be good." Luke says, calling my attention back to the present moment.

I smile at him as my hand absentmindedly touches my necklace and my mind absentmindedly wanders back to Vic.

Chapter Text

I decide to wear my favourite Azazie Chanel dress tonight. Its a beautiful long gown that comes in this nice Marigold colour. I've cut my hair in this short little just passed the chin look, which is actually really cute on me. I don't even need to style it, my hair has the perfect waves today. I end up wearing the necklace that Luke gave me because it goes with my look and because its too beautiful to not wear. Of course my nails are done a beautiful almost army green which compliments my entire look. Overall I'd say I look pretty good which is a good thing since this restaurant is absolutely gorgeous.

The majority of Luke's colleagues are here which gives me a chance to get to know everyone a little better. Its also pretty cute to see how he interacts with everyone and their little groups that he has. For example I learned that he has a group of three other people who call themselves the 'Late Lunchers' because they all like taking lunch a little bit later than everyone else? Its cute in a dorky little way but its also just fun to see.

After about ten minutes of these guys talking about their late lunches I decide to excuse myself and go get some juice for Luke and I. I don't really drunk much and Luke doesn't at work things, so we're both staying sober together here.

"Wren."

I expect to see Luke behind me, but when I turn I come face to face with Tony. As in Tony from PTV. Vic's bandmate.

He stands there in an all black suit, his hair slicked back, his tattoos complimenting the all black vibe he has. In his left hand he's holding a drink, it catches my eye along with three gold rings he has on. Overall its a great look for him. I'm sure its better than the discomfort that I'm wearing.

"Its nice to see you." Tony says in his usual calm and collected manner. "Its been awhile."

"Yeah," I say quietly. "Well, its just, I-"

"You don't need to explain yourself to me." he says. "I don't know what was going on with you and Vic, or you and anyone for that matter, but its not really my business."

This was always my favourite part of Tony. He minds his business. No matter how curious he might be, he never pushes. In the little time that we spent together, he always made me feel comfortable and just accepted in general.

"Thanks Tony." I say with a small smile. "So what brings you here?"

He gives a little shrug and takes a quick sip of his drink. "I know people."

I roll my eyes at him which causes him to launch into a full on grin.

"You seem to know everyone." I say.

"Ah you know, I'm just a likeable guy." he jokes, but we both know its true and he really is a likeable guy. "But seriously, I know the owners of this restaurant so I talked them into letting me in."

"You're that desperate for company?" I ask, raising an eyebrow. "You have plenty of friends."

"Yeah, well Jaime is here somewhere, Mike is busy with, uh, personal stuff," he says, a look of discomfort coming over him. "And Vic is a bit out of it lately."

My heart pounds at the mention of Vic. It pounds in relief knowing that he isn't here but it also pounds at the mere mention of him.

"I hope everything is okay." I say in regards to Mike and Vic. "I hope its nothing family related."

Tony looks at me, his face weirdly blank for a second. He takes another sip of his drink, this time bigger than the last one.

"I'm surprised you haven't heard." he says.

"I haven't talked to anyone since I left." I say, my eyes sliding from his and onto the floor, shame washing over me about everything.

"Maybe you should." he says. "I know a lot of people miss you. More than you think."

Does he mean Vic? Or does he just mean my band? Because I know that theres no way that Lila misses me, not after I fucked everything up with her and Mac. Maybe seeing Tony isnt a great blessing like I was starting to believe it is. That part of my life is done anyways, I shouldn't be here wishing to have some of it back.

"I'm gonna go mingle." Tony says, pulling me from my thoughts. "After all I did bribe my way in for the socializing."

We say our goodbyes and I watch him leave. He's right, maybe I should reach out. Fuck, maybe I shouldn't. Maybe I should enjoy this nice restaurant with my nice boyfriend. Maybe I should get blackout drunk to forget everything.

"So," Luke says coming up behind me. "How do you know Tony Perry?"

"What?" I ask too quickly, my voice giving away the shock I feel. "How do you know him?"

"My family knows him." he says slowly. "We went to this band camp together one year when we were younger. Granted, he got more out of it than I did."

"How so?" I ask, only half listening to him.

"Well he's in a very famous band called Pierce the Veil and I'm an accountant." he says. "I would tell you do to the math on that one, but like I pointed out, thats my job."

"Ha." I say, my brain too occupied to force myself into this conversation fully.

"Whats wrong?" Luke asks me, his arm finding its way to my shoulder.

I glance over at where Tony is and see him looking at Luke and I. Not that I thought I could keep this from him or even wanted to, but I still feel caught somehow.

"Wren?" Luke prods. "Something happen?"

"No." I say quietly, wishing I wasn't here right now.

"Come on." Luke says and leads me to the giant outside balcony.

I stand there and stare at the ocean, avoiding Luke's eyes and his questions. I feel too overwhelmed by seeing Tony, even though in some way it was nice. It was like a reminder that my old life is still there if ever I wanted it. Its also a reminder that my old problems are still there.

"You know you can talk to me." Luke says, his voice warm and delicate.

I take a deep breath and look Luke in the eyes and then do the one thing I never thought I would get the courage to do. I tell him the truth.

Chapter Text

The next words out of Luke's mouth surprise me more than I thought they ever could.

"I know."

I look at him completed dumbfounded.

"What do you mean you know?" I ask, confused. "How could you know I was in a band?"

"Wren." he says with a smile. "How could I not? I've known Tony for years, he's one of my closest friends. I check out every single tour he's on even though, and don't tell him this, their music isn't my style."

"What?" I ask, still not believing it.

"I was on the bus one night." he says slowly as if this will trigger my memory of him. "I'm surprised you don't remember."

I try and think back to a time where I might have seen him, but the truth is I can't. I thought that the first time I met him months ago was the actual first time I met him, but he's known me this whole time.

"How come you never said anything?" I ask incredulously.

He gives me a little shrug. "I figured you'd bring it up when you were ready, which clearly you did."

Thats actually really fucking sweet of him.

"So you know about everything that happened?" I ask.

"No, not everything. I just know that you left." he says, but I can tell he's dying to ask. "Tony filled me in on some stuff, but I don't know much. Like I don't know why you left."

He says this last part in a way thats a question at the same time that it isn't.

I guess its time. I guess someone should know.

"Our tour manager, Ray." I say slowly. "He was always a dick, but like, he at least knew what he was doing in terms of managing us. Like he was good at that, I'm not taking that away from him. But over the last couple of tours he just became so ...mean. Just so mean."

I can feel the emotions stirring within me. Anxiety, anger, fear, sadness. I'm feeling it all now. After months of avoiding talking about it or thinking about it, I'm now letting it all out without holding back at all.

"He wasn't, like, abusive, I guess? But, I think if I stayed he would've been. We had this stupid fight." I say, glancing up to see Luke's calm face. It grounds me, keeps me both in the moment and past at once. "It was over someone from the other band. Ray was trying to control my life, the people I hung around with, and I told him to fuck off, you know? He had no right to tell me who I shouldn't be around."

Luke sits there, still patiently watching me, his eyes caring.

"And I really pissed Ray off that day. Like really pissed him off and he ended up shoving me into a table. It hurt like hell, but it wasn't like the end of the world. But I guess that was kinda just the start because like, all he did from there was yell at me. I didn't really help it either, not that I'm saying its okay what he did or anything."

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" Luke says. "One of your bandmates?"

"Ha, well, by time it was getting really bad between Ray and I, it got worse with my bandmates. I kinda fucked that up too. So by the time I left, I had everyone I cared about angry at me. So yeah, I left. I couldn't do it anymore."

"Wren, come here." he pulls me into a warm hug, making me feel safer than I've felt in months.

"You didn't deserve that." he murmurs into my hair. "Your tour manager should be charged or something."

I shake my head no against his chest. "I don't wanna see him again."

"I know, but what about your bandmates? What if he's been doing this to them too?"

During the entire time that I've been dealing wit Ray, I never stopped to think about whether or not he's been doing the same thing to anyone else. I feel like Lila or Mac would've said something. But then again it was happening to me and I didn't say anything.

Suddenly I feel the need to reach out to them and see if they're okay. And then I remember that Lila probably still hates me for the Mac thing. If I messaged Mac she might get jealous or pissed and make it worse. Plus I've been AWOL for so long, I might as well keep it up.

"You don't need to make any decisions." Luke says, his warm voice pulling me from my thoughts. "I just think you should reach out to them. I'm sure they're worried."

I give him a pathetic little shrug. Its all I can muster up at the moment. I don't want to come up with more excuses as to why I can't contact them.

"They're in town next week." he says. "For a benefit show. Maybe you should meet up with them."

"I'd have to see Ray." I say.

"Meet with them after. He doesn't have to know." he replies. "Just think about it, okay?"

I have a feeling that all I'm going to do for the next week is think about it.

Chapter Text

Despite the fact that everything is going well with Luke and I, I can't help thinking about what Tony said. People miss me. People. He doesn't have to say who, I know that he means Vic. And he said miss me, not missed, meaning he still misses me.

I feel so guilty for thinking this. I keep hoping to run into Vic while I'm out. I look around every time I'm somewhere, hoping to look over and see him, and he'd be looking back at me and then we'd be together just like we used to be back when we had fun and it felt amazing to be together, like the world was on fire.

When I'm not thinking of Vic, I'm thinking of the fact that my old band is playing a show five minutes from my place right now. One part of me wants to go so badly. It would be great to see Lila and Mac. Then I think too much and want to throw up at the idea of seeing them again.

Luke is out of town this weekend so its not like I have anything else going on. Even though I've been living here for awhile I haven't really made any friends. I rarely go out at night because I've had so much experience with the nightlife already that I don't feel the need to go and do that anymore.

So before I can convince myself not to, I find myself at the end of their set, right as everyone else is walking away, I walk against them to get to their bus nearby. I know by now that Ray has already talked to them and is now on his way to do whatever it is he does after our sets. I'm not worried about seeing him, I'm now just worried about them.

I wish I was wearing a hoodie right now so I can shove my hands in my pockets to hide my fidgeting, but all I have is one of Luke's white shirts over my black tank top. Even my jean shorts don't have pockets, so I'm unlucky there.

The bus doors open and out comes Mac. His hair is a little longer now and he even looks more toned, like he's working out. Right behind him trails Lila, her hand is his. She looks great too, she seems more free, more alive.

I stop in my tracks. If I turn now, they wont see me and we can go out separate ways and not deal with this. But before I get the chance to back away, Lila turns her head and her gaze locks with mine. I stand there frozen to the spot, waiting for her reaction. Is she going to pretend she doesn't see me? Is she going to yell at me?

Instead, a huge grin spreads onto her face and she rushes over to me. Her hug hits me so hard that it throws both of us off balance.

"Holy shit, Wren!" she yells against me. "I can't believe it."

We stand like that for a good minute, both of us holding on tightly. Mac makes his way over to us, an unshakeable smile on his face.

She pulls back from me but leaves both her hands on my shoulders, as if when she lets go she's scared I'll disappear again.

"I'm so glad you're okay." she gushes. "God, Wren, we were so worried! I thought you had like died."

"Its so good to see you." Mac says and brings both Lila and I in for a hug.

This makes me feel so warm inside. Warmer than I've felt and more comfortable than ever. It feels like home.

"Dude your hair!" Lila says and fluffs the ends of my hair up a little. "I've never seen it short. It looks amazing. You look great in general."

"You do." Mac agrees. "You look ... alive."

It almost makes me cry hearing them say that. I guess while I was in the tour I didn't realize how tired and overworked I felt. But now I feel good again, I feel free and calm and warm and I love the fact that it shows.

"Come on, lets head to the bus." Lila says. "No one else is there so we can really talk."

Walking onto the bus is such a weird feeling. I'm hit with the feeling of being home, being back where I belong, but its mixed with a little dread.

"So what're you doing in Cali?" Lila asks as we sit in the back.

"I live here." I respond. "I moved here about two weeks after I left the tour."

Lila and Mac exchange a quick glance between each other.

"So, I know its like a sore subject, I guess." Mac starts. "But we've been dying to know. Why'd you leave?"

I blow out a big breath of air, bringing my knees to my chest like a little comfort shield.

"There was a lot going on." I say. "With Vic, with you guys, with Ray. Just with everyone."

"You left because of us?" Mac asks.

"No, because of me." Lila says quickly. "I was really shitty in that situation. I was pissed about you guys, Wren, but I never wanted you to leave."

"It wasn't because of you, Li." I say sincerely. "Everything was going on and then you found out about Mac and I and that was just the final reason for me. I was fine with Vic and Ray being pissed, but I couldn't stand the fact that my own band was falling apart too."

"I'm sure Vic would've understood if you just spoke with him." Lila says. "Like I was pissed but then we talked it out and I was better."

I shake my head at her. "I tried. He wanted nothing to do with me. With everything going with on with Ray, I was already having a hard enough time as -"

"What was going on with Ray?" Mac asks. He already looks pissed off, and by the way Ray was with us, I don't blame him.

"I don't really know how to say it." I say quietly.

I want to ask them if they were targeted by him or if they felt any backlash but I also don't want to bring any problem to them if theres nothing going on with Ray. Why would I ruin their relationship with him if its working well since I'm gone.

"Wren?" Lila asks looking worried. "What was going on?"

"Its not a huge deal." I say.

"It clearly is." Mac says gently. "We want to know."

"So, he wasn't like, abusive ... but he was kinda getting there? Like, one time we were fighting about me seeing Vic and I pushed him off and then he grabbed me by the hair one time and pushed me down. On the last day that I was on tour, that day I talked about his divorce, he was getting really aggressive and I was scared he was going to hurt me but Vic heard him yelling at me and intervened." I glance up at Lila and Mac to see their reaction and its a mix of anger and worry.

"I couldn't do it anymore. It was never going to get better, it only would've escalated if I stayed. And then you texted me about Lila about how she was pissed about us, and I just fucking left. It was too much."

Lila scoots closer to me and puts a hand on my leg to comfort me. "Wren you should've told us about Ray after that first time he hurt you."

"We would've got rid of him in a fucking instant." Mac says. "Why didn't you say anything?"

I give a pathetic little shrug. "I didn't want to ruin our tour and if we got rid of Ray we would've had to drop the tour. I thought I could tough it out for the last while."

"We don't need him." Lila says. "We could've had the assistant tour manager take over. We could've found a new one. We at least could've helped you out."

"I just wasn't ready to deal with it." I admit. "I didn't talk about it at all since now. I didn't even think about you guys or the tour because it hurt too much."

"Dude, we're your people, even when we're mad. Even when you weren't on tour there wasn't a day that we didn't think about you." Lila says.

I try so hard to keep the tears in, but hearing her say this makes me lose all willpower to not cry. Instantly I hide my face behind my sleeve, but Lila pulls it away and brings me into a tight hug.

"You don't need to be scared anymore, we'll take care of it." Mac says.

"We'd fix any problem for you, no matter what. You know that right?" Lila says.

I nod. "I know."

"Perfect." Lila says. "Now lets go deal with this problem.

Chapter Text

Stepping onto the patio I feel like I'm right back on tour. Lila and Mac decided to throw a little party since we're all back together and not on tour. Theres so many musicians here, some that we've played with, some that we haven't even heard of. As musicians you kind of tend to stick together since you have so much in common and already know all the same people. Its just more convenient to keep to the same group of people.

"Wren!" I hear my name shouted across the crowd.

Lila comes running to me, clearly already tipsy and excited to party. I can't help but grin at how normal this feels.

"I'm so excited for tonight!" she says as she reaches me. "It'll be just like old times."

I'm honestly excited as well. I was looking forward to this all week, but I would never admit just how excited I truly was.

"Are you drinking tonight?" she asks me, which catches me off guard. Usually she just tells me that I am drinking no matter what.

"A little." I say. "I don't wanna overdo it."

"Good." she says and magically pulls a cup out from behind her. "I mixed white wine with sparkling water."

I cock an eyebrow at her. Since when does she provide me with something other than hard alcohol?

"Thanks, thats exactly what I wanted actually." I say. "I can't believe so many people came."

"No ones really touring right now." she says. "Most bands just finished their tours like weeks ago."

"How was the end of ours by the way?" I ask.

"Weird." she says. "It was weird without you. Didn't really feel like us."

"I'm sorry." I mumble.

"I didn't mean it like that, I just mean it didn't feel like how it should." she says. "We really missed you. It drove Mac crazy that you were gone."

"I bet you loved that." I say referencing their relationship.

"I did actually. Showed me just how caring he is." she says.

Against my better instincts, I decide to ask more in depth about her and Mac.

"So how did you guys end up together?"

To my surprise Lila actually blushes. Hard.

"I've been into him for a long time." she admits. "Since I was 23."

"No fucking way." I say, genuinely shocked. She played it off well.

"Yeah." she says with a laugh. "Remember that day where we were all talking and he said he was into me awhile ago? Well, I decided to tell him a little after that, that I felt the same, but I was still into him. At first he said it was a bad idea and all that but then the next day he came back and said he felt the same."

"Thats actually really cute." I say. "I'm glad its working out for you guys."

"Me too." she says with a sweet smile that only lasts a second. "Now lets get back to the partying, yeah?"

I roll my eyes at her, but I still oblige.

See even though I'm not huge into the whole partying thing, I still need to do it every once and awhile to let go. Especially when I'm with my people. It just feels natural, like its what we were meant to do.

Looking around it seems like everyone else feels the same way. Caro from Ashes to Dawn has a bottled taped around her hand, Beck from Pressure Temperature is already almost passed out, and from across the yard I can see Jax and Paul from Burn It Down doing a competition to see who can take the most shots in a row. Honestly I don't think anyone wins in that game, but who am I to judge. They're having a great time and are safely surrounded by people so theres no harm. Well, to their liver yes, but thats nothing new.

"Lets go challenge Jax and Paul." Mac says from behind me, a devilish grin on his face.

"Dude, no." I say with a laugh. "They wont be able to handle it, they just did like ten shots each."

"Exactly, we're sure to win." he says.

I turn to him and give him a little smack in the arm which just makes him laugh harder. His laughter fades and instead one of his rare serious faces is on.

"I missed you Wren." he says. "A lot."

I can't help the look of shame and guilt that appears on my face. I put them through hell by disappearing, I know that. I also know that they're trying to not guilt me but make their feelings clear at the same time. We all feel guilty for something in this situation.

"I missed you too." I say finally. "It was - I didn't know how much I was missing you guys until we saw each other again."

"The rest of the tour was nice because of Lila, but it sucked because we were missing you."

"I know, Lila was saying the same thing yesterday."

"At least we're all together now." he says.

From behind me somewhere I can hear a bunch of people rejoicing super loudly as if they've just won a touchdown or something. Mac's eyes look past me at the commotion, then quickly at me, before looking there again.

"Please tell me Lila isn't like taking her shirt off." I say with a laugh before turning my head.

I don't see Lila anywhere, instead I just see a group of guys on the patio outside. I recognize most of them, like the Ben, Nate, Craig, and Patrick from Baseline of Affliction. There's also half the band of Mazo there and at least two members of N20.

"They're getting fucking wild." I say, turning back to Mac.

"Yeah, they are." he says, that weird look on his face.

"I'm so sorry." Lila says as she slides up to us.

"What'd you do?" I ask with a laugh.

There's a crash from the patio again. I turn to look and see what's going on. Someone dropped an alcohol bottle and now everyone is trying to move away from it.

In the midst of this, I see the thing Lila is apologizing for, I see something that makes my heart beat so fast.

I lock eyes with Vic who is staring directly at me.

Chapter Text

"I didn't know he was coming." Lila says from behind me. "I didn't invite him or anything."

"We can ask him to go if you want." Mac says.

I don' really pay attention to them, I'm too focused on Vic. His stare is so intense that it honestly feels like we're the only people who are here right now. The only thing on my mind is Vic and how good he looks. He looks the exact same as he did before, only a bit tanner now. He still looks so fucking good.

Someone pulls his arm, most likely to move him from the glass on the ground, and his eyes finally leave mine to look at whos touching him.

"Wren?" Lila says, touching my arm.

I turn and look at her for a second before instinctively turning back to where Vic was. He's not looking at me anymore but is instead talking to some people.

"We can get out of here if you want." Lila offers.

"Nah," I say, shaking my head. "Its your party anyways, we're not going to leave it."

"Yeah but if its awkward with him here then we can go." she says.

"I doubt we'll even be close, theres so many people here." I say.

Despite saying this, I can't help but want to go see him. I know its stupid, I know it is. I want to go up to him and tell him everything and make things better. But I also want to hide out because my anxiety is telling me that its a mistake and he hates me and he wishes he'd have never seen me again.

"Lets just go on the hammock and get a little tipsy." Lila says.

"That sounds like a great time." Mac says and kisses her forehead.

For the next hour it is a good idea, and I even forget about Vic, but then all the wine catches up with my bladder and I realize that I need to pee and very soon.

"I'm gonna head to the bathroom." I say as I carefully climb out the giant hammock. "You guys want any drinks?"

"Nah, I think we're good for now." Mac says.

When I get out of the hammock, I see Lila grab Macs hand, bring it to her mouth and give it a kiss. Its actually very cute to see them together. I would've never thought of them as a couple before, but it actually does make sense. She's so wild and he's got the calmness that brings her down. Plus they're a good looking couple in general.

While in the bathroom I realize that Im a little more tipsy than I thought I was. I'm not drunk, I'm not even close, I'm just feeling good. I'm feeling warm and light. If I were to have one more drink then I would probably be on my way from tipsy to whatever stage comes between tipsy and drunk. Tipsy Plus, I guess.

I truly realize how fine I'm feeling when I try to open the bathroom door while its still locked. It takes about three tries for me to realize that its locked, and finally unlock it and open the door. I go to step out but instead almost step directly into someone who's trying to go into the bathroom.

Vic.

"Oh." I say stupidly. "Hi."

For a second he just looks at me without saying anything and I'm sure he's going to like brush me off and go into the bathroom without saying shit to me, but he doesn't.

"Wren." he says, his voice so warm and inviting. "Its good to see you."

This makes my heart pound and my cheeks warm up even more. I wonder if he means it, if it is really good to see me. God, I hope he means it.

"You too." I say quickly. "How've you been?"

"How have you been?" he retorts. "I haven't heard from you in months."

"Yeah, I know." I say in that same guilty voice as I've been using with everyone.

"Whats up with that?" he asks, his tone slightly accusing.

"I've just been... I've just, its hard to explain." I say lamely.

"Wren."

His voice is so tender and sweet that something inside me breaks. I need him to know that I didn't want to leave and that I'm sorry for everything and I wish I could redo it and I just, I need him.

My mouth starts before my brain can process my words. "I'm sorry, Vic. I really am. About everything, about-"

"Come on," he says, pulling me into the bathroom and closing the door.

All the noise from outside is now muted making this moment with him and I even more intimate. Just the two of us alone in the bathroom with the door locked. Its everything I wanted on tour, just a moment for him and I to be alone and together.

"Sorry," he says. "Just too much noise, I wasn't giving you my full attention.

"I get it." I say. "I just wanted to say sorry. For Mac. And for leaving and never messaging you back. Just for everything."

His warm eyes hold mine while we stand there in silence. He looks so worried still, as if I'm about to leave again.

"I overreacted." he says. "With Mac. You were right, we weren't together when you guys got together, I shouldn't have expected you to just be with me when we weren't even together. Especially since I had been doing the same thing around the same time you and Mac were together. I guess I was mad at me too for not expressing what I wanted with you earlier, and I took it out on you."

"You still had every right." I say. "I could've told you about Mac earlier, or I could've expressed myself too. Mac and I didn't hook up often and the last time we had it felt like a mistake so I didn't want to say anything, I just wanted to leave it in the past."

"You don't need to explain yourself, but thank you. And I'm sorry too." he says. "It sucked realizing you were gone."

"It was too much." I say.

He nods his head. "Word got out about Ray. I kinda figured with everything I saw and heard, I just didn't realize how bad it was."

"Yeah, it sucked." I say. "At least he wont do it to anyone else now."

"I wish you would've told me." he says. "I could've helped you."

My eyes slide to the floor to avoid his stare.

"I know. Lila and Mac said the same, it was just hard, I wasn't ready. So I ran."

"And now?" he asks.

"And now I'm done running." I say with a smile small.

"Good." he says. "So I can count on the fact that you'll be here for awhile? In Cali?"

I nod. "You can."

"I guess I'll see you around then." he says.

He unlocks the bathroom door and holds it open.

"If you wouldn't mind..." he says gesturing to the door.

"Yeah of course." I say, and walk through the door.

"I'll see ya, Wren." he says before closing the door.

I walk back to the hammock in a daze.

On tour I was so worried about the fact that I was ruining everyone's life and the entire tour experience, but all the problems I was scared of facing turn out to have dissolved overtime. Lila isn't pissed at all, in fact the bond between Lila, Mac, and I seems stronger than ever. Ray was dealt with within 24 hours of me telling them what was going on. Vic isn't mad either, but instead was mad at himself more than me about not telling me how he felt. I have some regrets now over leaving the tour, but maybe it was also exactly what I needed for a change of perspective.

Overall I just can't believe that it was so easy to fix things with Vic. Everything is easy with him, even talking about how I feel. I thought for months about how it would be to see him again and no scenario was as good as the real thing. I feel like I'm on a high from seeing him. Its like hes a drug that I stopped using but just tried again. It almost hits better than the first time. Almost.

When I get back to Lila and Mac I look like I'm actually on a high.

"What the hell took you so long?" Lila asks.

"Yeah and what the fuck made you looks this goddamn happy?" Mac asks.

I just give them a little shrug as I climb back into the hammock.

"Everything is turning out better than I thought it would." I say. "I'm actually happy. I have everything I could want, and you guys are a big part of that."

"We always will be." Lila says with a grin. "We're a team."

For the first time in awhile I feel like I'm exactly where I should be, and it truly feels amazing.

Chapter Text

"We need to tell you something." Lila says.

Her and Mac are sitting across from me at my patio table. They texted me an hour ago saying they needed to talk to me, which, of course, stressed me out so much. I figure its something about Ray, but they didn't want to talk about it over text, which is why they're now at my place at 9am, which doesnt seem early but as people who are mainly dealing with late nights, its something.

"How bad is it?" I ask, unsure that I even want the answer.

"Depends how you look at it." Mac says. "We don't think its all that bad, but its a shock."

"Oh God, lets hear it. I'm ready." I say.

"First I want you to know that we really thought about this." Lila says. "We thought about it a lot, and we decided it just as us two, but we didn't ask you because we figured you were done anyways."

I raise an eyebrow at them. "Go on..."

"We've decided to disband." Lila says.

"Disband?" I say in disbelief.

I can't believe it. We're a big name right now in the music scene. Lila and Mac love to tour and have never once expressed an interest in splitting up, so yeah, this is a complete and utter shock to me right now.

"Yeah." Mac says. "Its about time."

"But... why? You guys love to tour. You love making music."

"And we still will, maybe, just not as a band." Lila says as she grabs Mac's hand. "We want to settle down in one place. We want to start a family eventually."

"Start a family? You guys haven't been together that long though..."

"Yeah, but we've been in the same band for years. We know what we're like, we know that we can make this last forever." Lila says.

"In a way it kinda feels like we've been together since the start." Mac adds.

"Wow, okay." I say. "Sorry, it just really caught me offguard, this whole disbanding thing. What if you regret it?"

"We could always just get back together if we regret it that much, but for now it just feels like the right thing to do." Mac replies.

It makes sense. We all have the money to retire right now anyways, so money isn't a problem. We never talked about me rejoining the band, but I think we all know that I wouldn't have been ready for awhile regardless.

Plus the idea of them starting a family isn't that crazy to think about. They made a good point about how living together and touring together for years is kinda similar to being a couple for that long. They've seen each other through every single mood, they've seen each other almost every second of every day for about ten years now. So realistically the family part seems a little late when you think of that.

"You're not mad, are you?" Lila asks me nervously.

"No, not at all. I'm just genuinely surprised." I say. "I thought you loved it."

"We do, its just hard to be us when we're on the road doing all that bullshit." she says.

They glance between each other and I catch a glimpse of what they're talking about. I see them. I don't see lead singer Lila or guitarist Mac. I don't see my friends either. I simply see Lila and Mac, a couple. It all makes sense now.

"I'm happy for you." I say finally and I truly mean it.

Chapter Text

"I feel like we haven't seen each other much lately." Luke says, bringing me back to reality.

Its Friday night and instead of being with my friends, we're on my couch with some takeout and a terrible girly movie on. It used to be our usual Friday night tradition, but lately I've been busy with Lila and Mac, so its turned into an every other weekend thing. I can tell its bothering Luke a little but he's trying to stay respectful at the same time since he was the one who told me to reach out to them.

"I'm sorry." I say, but I don't fully mean it. "Its just been nice to reconnect with my band."

"I can't imagine." he muses.

For some reason this annoys me, but I play it cool. Lately Luke has been a bit annoying and clingy, but I'm trying not to hold it against him. We went from seeing each other almost every day to now seeing each other maybe three times a week. I get that he feels clingy when we're together because he misses me, but when we're together all I'm thinking about is how much fun I had with Lila and Mac earlier that day.

"You ever seen this movie before?" I ask trying to change the subject.

"Legally Blonde? No, not that I remember. Have you?"

"I think once when I was younger. I always wanted to get into a prestigious school so I could use the quote 'What, likes it hard?' when someone asks how I got in." I say.

"Did you go to college?"

"Nah, we were already signed by time I was college age." I say. "It never even crossed my mind."

"That must've been weird, to be so young and already be a famous band."

The weird thing about Luke is that even though hes good friends with Tony and has been around musicians before because of it, he has no music background. He doesn't know what its like to be in a band or on tour at all. Being in a band, you usually have friends who are always in bands, so its weird to have an outsider look into your life and point out the weird things about it, like being famous at 19.

"It's not, like, weird. Its just different. You get used to it pretty fast at that age, though." I say. "Its weird now that I'm not in a band. My whole life revolved around it, and now there's this big empty space."

"You could always go to school now." Luke points out.

I scrunch my nose up at his suggestion. "I don't have any interest in it. I could probably find a hobby or even give drumming lessons, but school just isn't for me."

"You don't feel like your life is just, passing you by?" he asks me.

"No, I don't." I say a bit too annoyed. "I was part of one of the biggest bands in my genre, I've been on tour for almost ten years straight. I experienced more life than most people have or ever will."

"No need to get so defensive." he says.

"I'm not." I say. I blow out a deep breath of air. "We officially disbanded today."

"What? Why?"

I shrug. "It was just time."

We talk about it for about five more minutes and then turn our attention back to the movie, even though we both don't enjoy it, but I guess its beter than our almost forced conversation.

The entire time we're together all I can think is how much better our relationship was before my old life came back. Since the old life has been here, the new life doesn't feel as free and fun as it used to. Instead it just feels ...boring.

Chapter Text

I head down to the beach a little later than usual this morning. Lila, Mac and I all celebrated the fact that we've disbanded and I got a little drunker than I wanted to, which resulted in me sleeping until 10am.

Its not like I have a lot of things to do today anyways, I'm lucky enough that my days are open and not stressful.

"Funny seeing you here." I hear from in front of me as I get out the water.

I look up and see Vic standing there. He has sunglasses over his eyes and the only other thing he's wearing is swimming shorts. As always my mind is upset with me for noticing how good he looks.

"I'm here every morning." I say to him as I bend down to pick my towel up. "What're you doing here?"

"Same thing as you." he says. "I love a good morning swim."

"The water is nice and cool for you." I say, trying to not say anything too flirty.

Even though Vic is around, its not like I'm going to end my relationship for him. I don't know if he wants me, and I wouldn't do that to Luke. And yet I feel guilty every single time I spend time with Vic or he texts me. We're not doing anything wrong, but at the same time I know in the back of my mind that its also not fully right either.

"Join me?" Vic asks. "I know you're just getting out, but whats another quick 10 minutes?"

"You going to try and drown me?"

"Yes." he says with a grin. "Come on, swimming alone is no fun."

"You came here alone." I point out.

To my surprise Vic blushes. He actually fucking blushes. I didn't think he could. This makes me realize something though.

"You knew I was here." I say.

"I did."

"Did you come here just to see me?"

His mouth curves back up into a smile. "And if I did?"

"Vic..." I trail off quietly.

All around us are other people minding their business, swimming and just laying out in the sun before it gets too hot. I bet to them we look like a couple. We're standing so close together, neither of us minding the other in their personal space. Out here we can be whoever we want, but at the end of the day we'd both have it on our conscience if something happened between us. It'd affect me more than him, but he still knows its entirely wrong. And yet we're drawn to each other.

"I know, I'm sorry." he says quickly. "I wasn't thinking."

I give him a small nod but I don't answer him. I'm too caught up in my feelings right now. Its hard to keep track of all of them, its a mess.

"Hey." he says, placing his warm hand on my shoulder. "Lets just go swim. We'll have fun."

"Okay, but if you try and drown me I'll be pissed." I joke.

"No promises. I'll race you in." he says then takes off in a sprint towards the water.

For the next twenty minutes we play around in the water. We splash each other, we dunk each other in. Okay, Vic dunks me in, but I still try and throw him under the waves any chance I get. We eventually let the waves just roll over us, taking us closer to the sand with every wave that washes over us. Once we end up on the sand, we wade back out and let the waves take us back over and over again, until eventually we let ourselves get washed up on the shore.

We head to where our towels are to dry off with the sun for a bit, letting ourselves rest and soak up the beautiful morning on a mostly empty beach.

Its weird to think that months ago we were fighting. I never thought we'd get to a good place again but I'm so thankful for how forgiving Vic was. Even before we got together, I enjoyed his company as a friend. He's a great listener and an even better storyteller, but overall hes just a great guy. Its nice to get to experience him again.

"What do you usually do with the rest of your day?" he asks me after a couple moments of silence.

"Depends on the day. I've been really into pottery." I say.

He turns his head and looks at me, pushing his sunglasses down so I can see his eyes.

"Seriously?" he asks.

"Yeah." I say with a laugh. "Its a lot of fun. You should try it out sometime."

"You should teach me sometime." he retorts. "You have your own stuff are you place?"

I nod. "I have a whole room for it."

"No shit."

"Yep." I turn and point towards my house, pointing at a window with some vases in it. "Thats my room for it, and those are some of the things I've made."

He turns and looks, a smile on his face as he studies the tiny looking vases.

"Well you'll have to have me over sometime." he says.

"I'm free today." I say wish causes him to let out a laugh.

"I have some stuff to deal with." he says. "But tomorrow I'm free all day."

"Cool!" I say, genuinely excited. "We can do all kinds of things."

"Oh?" he says, raising an eyebrow at me.

My cheeks flush as I realize what I've said. "I meant, like, hobbies and stuff. Maybe music too. We've never played together."

"I think we have." he says.

"What? When? We haven't play-" I say, stopping myself as I realize the double meaning of my words. "I didn't mean it like that! I should just stop talking."

He lays down on his towel, propping himself with his elbows.

"Nah." he says. "Keep talking 'cause I love to hear your voice."

"Stop twisting my words then." I respond.

"Stop making it so easy." he retorts, a satisfied smile on his face.

For a second I almost let him win and say nothing, but I can't let him think that he's ever puled one over on me.

Ever so quietly I say "I should've drown you." and I think he doesn't hear me, but his mouth slowly turns up into a smile and I can tell he did, but now he's letting me win.

Its a sad victory, but I take it anyways.

Chapter Text

"So this is the pottery room." Vic says as we enter my little studio on the second floor.

"Yep, this is it." I say.

We've been at my place for five hours now, we but got so caught up in talking that we didn't get to the hour tour until now.

He looks around, taking his time. I have entire shelf of painted vases and mugs, all ranging from great quality to horrible first attempts. He delicately picks up a yellow cup, one of the first I've ever done, and inspects it.

"I like this one." he says, not taking his eyes off of it.

"That one?" I ask.

It shocks me that this one speaks to him because truthfully its my favourite piece I've ever done. Its not perfect, not even close, so it genuinely surprises me that this is the one he likes.

"Yeah, its beautiful." he says then looks up at me. "Reminds me of you."

I look at him with my cup and it warms my soul up a little. Luke loves my pieces too, but he's never complimented them the way that Vic has. Vic looks at them like its his first time seeing a mug. He looks at it as if it was something made for him from the universe itself.

"I want one just like this." Vic says to me. "For my place."

"You can have that one." I say.

"You don't like this one?"

"Its my favourite." I admit. "But you should have it."

"Not if its your favourite." he says and places it back down.

I walk over and pick it up, handing it to him. "Its yours. I owe you that much."

"You don't owe me anything." he says.

"I know, but we're friends. You should have it." I reply.

"Friends?"

"Yeah, friends."

His eyes move from mine back to the mug. I can tell that saying we're friends has made him feel a certain way, maybe a little awkward since this is a new step for us.

"Its hard to revert to that." he says after a moment.

He puts the mug down and then takes a step towards me and pushes my hair away from ym face.

"Wren, sometimes when I see you all I can think about is how I've made you cum before. I know you're going to be mad at me for saying that, and I know I'm pushing boundaries right now, Wren, I fucking know I am. But I can't find it in me to care." he says.

He's so close to me that I can easily reach out and kiss him. I could pull his body against mine like how its been before. It would be so easy. My entire body is aching for it, for him.

"You want it too, don't you?" he says, his voice warm and seductive. He slides an arm up my body, leaving it warm on my waist. "I'm trying so fucking hard to restrain myself for you. I wont do anything until you ask me to."

"Vic." I say breathlessly, unable to think of any other words at the moment.

He leans his head down and lays a soft kiss on my shoulder, then another on my collarbone, the bottom of my neck, the side of it. Every kiss seems to set my body on fire more and more and I quickly realize that this is a feeling I want to feel forever.

At this point I don't even care about the fact that we're in front of the window, or that if we move too far or much that we might break all my pottery work. I don't even care that its close to the time that Luke said he'd come by at.

But then it hits me and I do care.

Luke. My boyfriend. The guy who doesn't deserve this. The guy who tries his best to make me happy and be there for me.

"Hey." I say quickly, pushing him off me. "We can't do this. I'm with somebody."

He stares at me, confused as to how I could snap out of the trance he had me in.

"I can't do this to Luke." I say, even though I technically just have.

"I don't understand." he says slowly. "I thought you wanted this? Wanted us?"

"I do! I did!" I exclaim mostly in frustration. "Its all I wanted, but things are different now. We had our chance and it didn't work out."

"Yeah? And who's fault is that?" he asks, his tone frustrated.

I stare at him, half in anger, half in disgust that he would even say that to me.

"Maybe you should go." I say quietly.

"I'm sorry, Wren." he says. "I've been dealing with some things lately and its making me on edge. Its also hard for me to be like this with you, as friends."

I nod my head because I do understand, its hard for me too, but thats the thing he doesn't understand. As hard as it is for him, its even worse for me. He could easily be with me if he wanted, but for me, I have a boyfriend already. I made a life here for myself in the past couple of months and just because he's back it doesn't change the fact that things are different. We're not on tour anymore, we're not just musicians. Now we're people who are in the real world. Theres no shows to hide behind or nights of partying.

"Hey." he says softly, touching my arm. "I want to be friends, okay? Look, I'm gonna go, but text me whenever you want."

He turns and leaves, the yellow cup still sitting where he left it. For some reason it really upsets me that he's leaving it. Its almost like he doesn't want the cup or me.

I pretty much sprint downstairs to find him, and thankfully he isn't at the front door yet.

"Are you still pissed that I left the tour?" I ask him, kind of out of breath from running.

He turns around and looks at me, his face serious.

"Yeah. I am."

A cloud of emotions comes over me. I'm feeling so many things that its hard to pinpoint one.

"Then why're you being so nice to me? Why'd you come over? Why talk to me at all?" I ask, my voice growing louder at each word.

He sighs in frustration and runs his hand through his hair.

"You know why, Wren."

I realize then that I want to hear him say it. I want him to tell me how bad he wants me. I want him to tell me that he loves me and that he can't stop thinking about me. I want it.

"Tell me." I say, my voice rough.

He goes to open his mouth, but from behind him the front door opens, cutting off anything that he was about to say.

Luke steps into the house. The fact that Vic is here catches him off guard for a second but he recovers quickly.

Still, he glances between Vic and I, clearly aware that this is a tense moment.

"Hey, guys." Luke says, unsure on how to proceed. "Everything okay?"

Vic hasn't taken his eyes off of me since Luke walked in the house. His eyes bore into me, the heat of the moment still caught between us. The anger and tension still burning hot. We haven't done anything to feel guilty about, but the tension in the air almost suggests otherwise.

"Yeah, we're fine." I say, realizing that one of us needs to speak.

"I was just headed out." Vic says. "It was nice to see you, Luke."

He turns to leave and I almost call after him, but Luke is looking at me in a way that lets me know it would be a huge mistake. I'm already in trouble as it is, Luke would have to be an idiot to think everything was fine here.

"Thanks for the tour." Vic says as he opens the front door.

Only I'm able to catch the double meaning behind those words.

"Do you wanna tell me what that was about?" Luke asks as soon as the front door closes.

"I really don't." I mumble.

I don't even deserve to look at Luke right now. I let myself get caught up in Vic and it wasn't fair to Luke, and now I feel like shit.

I think the word part is the fact that I know what I want, I'm just scared to make the decision. What if I choose wrong?

Chapter Text

The label that Genesis Association was under decides to throw a last hurrah type of thing for us. All three of us told them it was unnecessary, but yet we still found ourselves at the supper that coming Friday.

I'm wearing a nice, black dress with an off shoulder look, which honestly looks amazing against my now tanned skin. My hair is styled in a cute look, not quite shoulder length yet, but still long enough for my waves to come through.

All the bands we've ever worked with are here, ones we started with years ago and ones we ended with - like PTV.

Within being here for five minutes I had seen Vic, who as always, looks so good. I want to go talk to him, but Luke is here with me, and I don't want to make things worse considering the fight we had the other night.

After Vic left he asked me what was going on, why Vic was over. I told him we were friends, but he knows that we were together on tour, he even saw us that one night he had been on the bus. So we fought over the fact that Luke didn't enjoy seeing Vic and I alone together especially with that much tension in the air.

I understand him, I do. I wish he would trust me more but I don't deserve his trust. I hadn't even told him about the fact that Vic was kissing me, because I know it would just make things worse. I need to look forward at what's best for me. Vic is on tour, he's always going to be and I don't know if I can be with someone who's gone for half the year, or sometimes even the entire year.

"God, poor Vic." Lila says as she appears beside me.

For a second I panic thinking that maybe Luke or Vic told her about what happened the other night, but I don't see either of them doing that. But still...

"Why?" I ask trying to keep my tone neutral.

"You don't know?" she says.

"No?"

"I can't believe no one told you."

I think back to the time I saw Tony and what he said to me. Mike and Vic are going through something, or something like that. He was also surprised that nobody had let me know what was going on.

"What happened to Vic?" I ask, dying of curiosity.

"Not Vic. Mike." she says. "He's out the band."

"What?" I ask, my voice a little too loud.

A couple of people look over at us, Vic being one. His eyes leave mine before I can even find the courage to smile at him.

"Why's he off?"

"He had some scandal. With a 16 year old I think." she says dryly.

"Oh shit." I say.

I'm not too surprised, we hear about this sometimes. You tour with a group and then years later this shit comes out about them and it makes you realize that you don't know people as much as you thought you did.

"Poor Vic." I say after a moment.

I turn my attention to him then. He's sitting with Vinnie, the lead singer of Ozin. He seems to be having a great time, laughing with Vinnie and just looking like he doesn't have a care in the world. I wonder how he feels about Mike. I wonder if he knew. I doubt he did, he would've said something otherwise. He called Mike out for being weird to me so obviously he tries to have his brother take responsibility for his actions.

"I should go say something to him." I say.

Lila looks at me from the corner of her eye. "You think thats a good idea?"

She nudges her head towards where Luke and Mac are sitting together. As I look over, I make eye contact with Luke who smiles almost nervously at me.

"We're friends." I say to Lila.

"Oh, hunny. Don't kid yourself." she says. She turns and looks me dead on. "You and Vic aren't friends. He's waiting for you to break up with Luke and you're waiting for Vic to make a move that shows you he genuinely wants you so that you don't feel too guilty breaking up with Luke for what might be simply lust."

I stare at her, my mouth pretty much hanging to the floor.

"Besides," she says. "Vic's here with someone. I doubt she'd want you all over her man."

I turn and see what shes referring to. Right next to Vic is a woman, sitting so close to him that its almost like she's on his chair. From my limited view I can see his hand firmly on her thigh, her hand on top of his.

Heat flares within me. I've seen women flirt with Luke before but its never made me jealous. At least not like this. I almost want to yell at her to get off of him.

"Go see your man." Lila says. "And by that I mean Luke."

I glare at her before I turn and make my way to the bathroom.

I know I'm with someone but I can't believe Vic would bring someone here. To my fucking bands last supper together. Who the fuck does he think he is? I left the tour because I couldn't even stand to upset him, and then he is STILL pissed at me, and then brings some random fucking person here?

I try to take deep breaths in the bathroom to calm down, but then I think over and over about him outside with her. If this was a random dinner I wouldn't mind, but its mine. Its my fucking dinner and he's just pretty much told me to go fuck myself by bringing her here.

I don't know what I need right now, but I can't be here sober.

I step out of one of the bathrooms to head to the bar, but of course Vic is waiting outside.

"You were taking forever in there." he jokes. "I was worried I wouldn't ever be able to go to the bathroom."

"Theres two." I say.

"I wanted yours."

I glare at him and don't say anything. I turn and begin to walk away but he grabs my arm.

"I'm sorry about the other day." he says. "I get that you're still mad about it."

"I'm not mad about that." I say through gritted teeth.

"What're you mad about then? Because clearly you're pissed." he asks.

"Are you serious?" I ask, my tone now filled with anger.

"Yeah?" he says confused.

I shake my head in disbelief.

"Nothing. Have a great night, hope your date enjoys it."

"Oh wow." he says with a laugh. "You're mad I brought someone?"

"Obviously I'm mad you brought someone." I say angrily. "Why would you even do that?"

"Why wouldn't I? I'm not dating anyone."

I glare at him even more at this. Its not fair of him to mention Luke like that.

"Whatever, Vic. Do what you want."

"I can't, can I? Because you're still dating whatever the fuck his name is."

"Thats not fair."

"Oh, and it is to me? Its fair for me to watch you guys together knowing full well that you want me?" he says with a sarcastic laugh. "Wren you're so fucking delusional."

"You're delusional!" I yell back. "I never said I wanted you, okay?"

"You don't fucking have to!"

The other bathroom door opens and Luke walks out.

My mouth hangs open as I realize that he's just heard everything that Vic and I have said to each other. He heard me saying to Vic that I'm pissed he brought a date.

"Vic," Luke says, his eyes on me. "Can I talk to Wren alone please?"

Vic doesn't even bother saying a word, he just walks back towards were the reception is being held.

"Wren, I don't think I can do this anymore." Luke says, his face serious. "I knew when Lila and Mac came back I would have to share you a little more, but I lost you completely the day Vic came back."

"Luke, I-"

"I'll leave my key at your place after I grab my things." he says, and with that he's gone.

Chapter Text

I'm leaning against a railing outside the venue trying to calm myself down after what happened inside.

I know Luke had every reason to leave me, but the fact that he did it there is messed up. I want to blame Vic but I can't. Its my fault. I wasn't fair to him, I deserve this.

God when did everything get so complicated? I thought when I left these people behind my life would be great, but now they're here again and my life is turning into the mess that it once was. Maybe Vic and I are too complicated to be together. We can never get the timing right.

As I'm having my pity party outside, I hear footsteps approaching me.

I don't need to turn to know who it is. Its always the same person.

"Luke broke up with me." I say, my voice a mix of tired and upset.

I turn and see Vic behind me, looking at me with an unreadable look.

"You can celebrate now." I say and turn back around to stare at the park thats across the street from us.

There's so many people in the park today. Theres a woman on the phone who's walking the smallest wiener dog I've ever seen in my life. Next to her is a couple of teenagers who are holding hands. They're clearly in the beginning of their relationship. There seems to be every type of person at the park. Some are in couples, some with kids, some alone. All these people so close to us and yet none of them know the confusion of Vic and I.

"I wouldn't celebrate that." he says and takes the spot beside me on the railing. "I'm sorry. I know it was my fault."

"I had a good life here, Vic." I say quietly. "You've come here and complicated everything."

"I didn't complicate things." he says, straightening up.

"Yes you did."

He shifts beside me, turning to face me. His hair falls over his shoulder in the cutest way ever. I want to reach out and touch it, touch him, but I stop myself.

"Wren I'm in love with you." he says, his eyes boring into mine. "There's nothing complicated about that."

I stare at him in complete shock. Its like my entire body is paralyzed with surprise. I've been wanting to hear him say that for forever. I've thought about it since that time he took me to that hill in whatever city we were in. I've daydreamed about it over and over again, I just never pictured it here in California while we're not on tour, or I'm not even in a band. I never could've guessed that this is what my life would be like, but yet the only thing that stayed the same in my fantasy versus now is that Vic is here beside me.

"No pressure to say it back, but I just needed you to know that I love you." he says with a small smile on his face.

"I... Are you sure?"

Vic laughs at this. Hard.

"I'm sure." he says. "I've thought about it a lot."

"Yeah? Since when?" I say, a small smirk on my lips.

"Remember when we went to that very beautiful slanted grass patch?"

"The hill? I ask.

He nods. "I knew then. I tried so hard each day to not try and bother you. I didn't want you to think I was stalking you, so I played it cool.

"You didn't." I say with a laugh.

"If you saw all the text drafts I never sent you, you'd be creeped out, trust me." he says and laughs.

"You weren't the only one." I admit.

I don't know how he's done it, but Vic has managed to make me forget all the anger and sadness I was feeling moments ago. I think its a power he has because he always manages to do it.

"I want to be with you." he says, his face more serious now than it was moments ago. "If you want the same thing all you have to do is let me know."

Chapter Text

I wake up to the brightness of the sun shining directly into my eyes. I don't know what time it is, but its definitely later than the time I usually wake up at. Its also a lot more uncomfortable than my bed is, like I'm laying on a couch or in a coffin or something. There's a sharp object poking into my back but when I go to move it, it moves first.

"You trying to kick me out?" Vic says softly into my ear.

I giggle. "No, I'm not. I didn't know what you were."

"You didn't know what I was?" he asks. I can tell from his tone that he's smiling.

"I still don't." I say teasingly.

"Its pretty simple, actually. I'm your boyfriend."

I turn around and face him. He drapes an arm lazily over my stomach and pulls me in closer to him.

"Boyfriend?" I say. "What do those do?"

"Hmmm..." he says pretending to think. "Well, they sleep beside you at night."

"Ooh, I like that. What else?"

"They kiss you, hug you, do other things to you." he says, his hand trailing its way down my body.

"Hey!" I say, trying to pull his hand away. "We can't do that right now."

"Why not?" he whispers into my ear.

Suddenly the mattress we're on bounces up.

"God I forgot how much I hate tour buses." I say with a laugh.

"Me too, but I'm glad you're here." he says.

Since Mike has had the scandal, he's left the band, and since I don't have a band anymore and PTV was missing a drummer, I joined their tour. Its a six week tour, so its kind of a trial run type of thing so we can see if this works.

Its been a year since that supper where Vic told me that he wanted me. We've bought a house together in California, right on the water so we can spend our mornings in the water together. Right now we have it rented out so it doesn't sit vacant. We feel like its not a waste this way. But we'll be back to it soon.

We've agreed to tour for three more years, and then after that we're going to settle down in California. We're going to have a family. He wants three kids but I'm trying to get him to agree on just two. I keep trying to get him to agree to two kids and three cats. Maybe a dog if he's nice enough.

"I'm glad this worked out." I say to him happily. "I love you."

"I love you too." he says and gives me a kiss.

I feel a warmth in me as he says it. I'm looking directly into the rest of my life, and honestly? Its better than I could've ever imagined.