Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

october 23rd, fall of '80

eternal sadness fills you keep it inside,

you do exercise your mind

there comes a boy, his worn-out converse hitting the cold cement. they were black, faded, and they had holes in the canvas. jeno was wearing the same kinds of converse, and his still looked clean and put together even after all the things they've been through. the boys' shoes on the other hand, they looked like everything far from polished. sometimes jeno always thought about writing all over his own shoes with an ink pen, but he could never get himself to do it. as cool as it looked, he felt like he would actually just be ruining his shoes.

the boy gropes his big pockets, feeling for his brown leather wallet. he eventually recoils it from his pocket, and he slings it between his fingertips, rummaging to find a few green dollars. he lunges over to toss it in jeno's opened guitar bag, along with a few spare pennies he knew he wasn't going to need later on. he stares at jeno's bag, noticing all the duct tape securing the rips and holes. he's had that bag for quite a while now.

the random boy listens intently, shoving his hands in his pockets and adjusting his light scarf. he also had on a thick black puffer jacket, rung all the way up to his chin. his flared jeans looked dirty and brown at the bottoms, probably because of them sweeping against the ground. even while being in illinois for so long, he still hated the cold. and he was ashamed to admit that.

while jeno, on the other hand, had his denim clothed butt on the freezing rocks barricading a vacant waterfall. stray pennies and stray dimes were resting about the bottom of the well, but no one dared to touch them. he didn't mind the cold, in fact, he preferred it.

unlike the random boy, jeno didn't dress as fancy. he had on simple jeans, and a simple grey champion sweater.

the boy stares at jeno's lithe fingertips, watching him strum his chords and pick and sing with all the skill he's got. he was quite talented, actually, using all of those bar chords and sliding his fingertips across the fretboard with ease, bending his notes higher.

'til you,

run out of things to do

repress your thoughts

until your body rots

maybe his singing could've been a little better, but with how raspy and deep his voice was, the boy didn't think singing would be his strong suit. he could use his deep and raspy voice to his advantage, he could rap instead.

as jeno wraps up his song, a sudden wave of energy takes over his hands, striking the strings louder and stronger.

repress your thoughts

until your body rots

he keeps repeating the same few chords for just a little bit longer, really taking in the twangy sounds of his strings. he honestly needed to change them, they've been getting a little worn out.

the random boy keeps his hands stuffed in his pockets until jeno quits playing, letting the sound of his guitar die down. the boy keeps waiting a few more seconds, just in case he wasn't finished. five seconds went by, then six, then eight, then ten-

clap clap clap

the boy energetically hypes jeno up, walking towards him a few steps more. this makes the boy shyly smile, watching heads turning and people's eyes on his guitar. he covers up his face as he lays his guitar down against his lap. the boy looked like he wanted to talk to him.

"hey, what's your name, man?" now that he was a little closer to jeno, he realized how healthy and shiny his hair looked.

"jeno," he smiles.

"i'm mark," he extends his hand for jeno to shake.

"hi mark," he mumbles, lightly shaking the boy's hand up and down. mark felt so warm. "what's the name of the song that you just played?" mark smiles, exposing his bright tic-tac teeth as he lets jeno's hand slide out from his grasp. he was so cold, all mark wanted to do was hold his hand and warm him up.

"uhm," jeno hums, "i actually don't know. didn't give it a name," he slurs.

"you wrote it?"

"yes, sir," jeno looks up at the boy hovering over him, trying to make out his face from his velvet silhouette. he rests his hand above his forehead, stopping the wind from getting to his cold forehead and revealing a better view of mark before him. he was... truly handsome. woah.

"oh please, no need to be so formal," mark raises his voice, trying to overthrow the sound of everyone else chatting amongst themselves, along with his scarf in front of his lips, "we've been looking for a guitar player, y'know,"

"we?"

"my band. there's keyboard and drums, but you could fill us in for guitar. if that's something you're interested in, of course. you're an amazing guitarist, i can see a lot of potential in you," mark smiles and jeno blushes. the noirette didn't know about calling himself a guitarist.

"well," jeno thinks about it for a moment. there really wasn't any harm in trying.

"you could totally expand your skill, man," mark can't stop smiling, "like seriously you're an amazing artist,"

"i don't know about artist-"

"of course you're an artist! look at you!" jeno can't help but smile wider at mark's compliments. a handsome boy giving him compliments. the brunette made jeno's knees weak.

"if you don't want to come hang out with us as a band, that's totally your call. but i'm gonna tell you right now: i don't think i could ever find someone any better than you," the brunette stares at jeno right in the eyes, but jeno couldn't really tell. what he could pick up from him, was that mark was being dead honest, "we would love to have you in our band, jeno," mark chuckles. he sounded so sincere. and he remembered my name. he remembered my fucking name.

if jeno accepted mark's offer, what was the worst that could happen? if anything, jeno had always dreamed of being on a stage, no matter how big or how small. preferably a big one, but he wasn't picky at all. just as long as he got to perform and play to a crowd of people, that was all he wanted.

"okay. i'll do it,"

"you'll join?!" mark perks up and straightens his knees, locking them up.

"yes, i'll join,"

"how exciting!" mark was shrieking with happiness, "here, i'll give you my number!" the brunette looked so cute and so enthusiastic trying to find a stray paper to write down his digits. he ended up writing it on jeno's notebook, with chords and scribbles and lyrics dancing across the blue lines.

"when should i call you-"

"whenever you want! you're from here, right?" mark should've asked this before getting too excited. jeno shakes his head.

"well, i live here, yes, but i'm originally from missouri,"

"missouri! I'm from canada," jeno's eyes go wide. canada was pretty far away. mark slides the notebook back to the noirette, watching him glance across the numbers and the lettering.

°COLD CULTURE's MARK LEE

(604) 604-6046

"we're happy to have you, jeno," the noirette smiles. mark was really charming. the brunette smiles. jeno was really amiable.

Chapter Text

mark finally relaxes his body, panting and panting as he rests his hands on his head, breathing as deep as he could.

he glances at jeno, watching him crouch down and tamper with the black, stickered up boombox, his black hat secure against his head, pointing down to the floor. his black hoodie perfectly set against his shoulders, his spine and his ribs showing through the cotton. clearly, he had nothing on underneath. his black sweatpants perfectly set against his hips, flowing and crinkling with every subtle movement. jeno didn't look even slightly tired, slightly sweaty. mark wondered how he did it.

"birthday boy," the brunette sings, walking up to the energized boy. "jeno, are you tired at all?"

the noirette looks up at mark, his boba eyes sparkly and shaking from adrenaline. he looks back down and shakes his head, his knees up to his chest and his feet flat on the ground. none of the songs on his mixtape satisfied his ears. he keeps tampering with the songs, childishly pressing buttons and switching the songs every two seconds until he finds one he really likes.

"how?" mark exhales. hugging him and picking him up, jaemin pulls mark away before he could get an answer – before he could even receive a peep from the quiet noirette.

finally, jeno chooses a song for the band to dance to.

the way jeno moved was unique. he had some sort of power over his technique that never failed to leave a mark on his image. even with a mask and a bucket hat, and with his body drowned in the most baggiest clothes, his movements still reflected such sultry talent.

mark was... attracted. of course he was impressed, but jeno was... titillating. his body and his proportions were picturesque. he had a lascivious charm on him – and it seemed like he knew how to use it with the way he would flow and ripple and contract. the noirette's eyes would squint and widen to the booming of the music, to every beat and every thrust. you couldn't even fully see his face, but you could recognize how much passion he had within his dark eyes.

mark was staring like a hawk, even with jaemin bantering and bouncing him about the dance room. he was completely under jeno's spell, under his inebriating, nefarious, drunken stupor.

+

"hi mark," jeno smiles. even with his mouth covered by another mask, you could tell he was smiling just by the look of his boba eyes. his hair was covered by that same stupid noir bucket hat from yesterday, the same color as his natural hair, the same color as his iris'. jet black.

mark had never properly realized that he had an interest in boys until that day, in the practice room. he always knew he had some sort of a feeling about boys, but not like how he should. it was more than just being jealous or wanting to be like someone, although he would tell himself that all the time to ignore his feelings. it was more than just thinking another man was handsome, or attractive; but maybe everything would be okay. maybe jeno liked boys, too.

"h-hi," mark waves at him just in time before they brush against each other's shoulders, continuing on their day, running errands, interviews, practice, practice, practice.

practice. maybe mark should start excusing himself from dance practices. this is the fourth day in a row he's payed a little too close attention to jeno lee.

jeno's hips. his chest, his arms, his thighs, his back, his deltoids – sent down from heaven, carved by the gods, he was. mark brushed it off and, as usual, told himself he just wanted to be jeno. but deep down in his chest, he knew that was a lie. he was already resigned to this feeling. he knew it was his way of ignoring it, neglecting this feeling towards jeno. as his band member, he wasn't allowed to have these pestering feelings for him. undoubtedly, he still wanted his back and his curve and his crevices, he wanted jeno's passion and his duality and his gaze. of course, he wanted something more than just that, but he didn't know how much of him he wanted. maybe he wanted jeno, period. maybe he wanted to be on jeno.

he hoped jeno wanted him back, too – because laying in his bed, snuggling up in the covers, ringing the sheets up to his chin, he furrows his eyebrows.

jeno, in a t-shirt and sweatpants, dancing and flowing and rolling. mark smiles. jeno, with his shirt off... pulling and pushing; working his body to its limit, his bulging muscles defined and shined and... maybe his dick was as big as his other muscles.

woah woah woah... did he just- did mark just?-

did mark just objectify a member in his band? how could mark ever commit such a sin? how could he think of jeno in such a vehement, inconsiderate, refined way?

mark did not sleep well. mark did not even blink nor breathe correctly nor forgive himself. which was inconvenient, because-

there mark was, on stage, grabbing the mic off of its stand.

"vancouver!" the brunette widely smiles, trying to shake off the shitty sleep fogging his brain. the crowd screams and yells and sweats off their adrenaline, the cacophony of their voices filling his ears with excitement. "how are we doing?" he asks in a gentle voice, his eyes skimming around the small venue. as the crowd yells once more, mark could hear jeno unplug his fender guitar from his honking, chunky, velvety marshall amplifier. jeno was a fan of big, popular brands.

the brunette couldn't look at him. he couldn't see him the same after what he had thought about the poor noirette. maybe jeno's fingers should touch him as fast as he touches his guitar.

"uhm..," mark closes his eyes for a moment, "uhh..," he hums once more, his brain filled with nothing but jeno touching him, grazing his fingertips against his skin, "so... we're heading out of vancouver almost immediately after this," he tries to shrug off whatever he was just talking about. he didn't even remember what he was talking about. "sorry guys, i got the worst sleep," the crowd awws, and hums as mark nods his head, explaining about their schedule next.

"we're heading over to australia for an interview first. so it'll be night here, but daylight over there, right?" mark shrugs, and he pulls his mic up to his mouth once more, catching himself as jaemin puts his lips up to his mic.

"we're all immediately sleeping on the plane," he whispers with his honey voice, adjusting his keyboard up to his desired height.

"i was just about to say that," mark interposes.

"by the time we all wake up, our makeup artists will have already done our hair and looks and they probably would be dressing us in our sleep," the crowd giggles as haechan clanks his drumsticks against the rims of his drums, laughing at his own dumb joke, as mark would say.

jeno was always as quiet as a mouse. he never spoke much. he giggles in the mic once, and that's nearly all he'd do.

"hmhmh," the mic picks up his soft breath, crackling throughout the speaker and bouncing against the venue. he adjusts his black strap and rests his forearm on the curve of his deep, ocean blue strat. somehow, and somewhere, he found a spiky pick guard, shaped like the speech bubbles in cartoons, of the characters yelling; it was almost shaped like a star. it added personality onto it, it added a personality onto the guitar that jeno didn't necessarily have. it was bold, it was a character, it stood out and spoke and screamed at the crowd. but jeno was... gentle. he wasn't as sharp as the spikes or as loud as the blue, he wasn't as alternative or as outgoing as any of his guitars. not even his acoustics, not even his bass.

"shall we get started?" mark asks, soft spoken. the crowd roars.

as the band got together and started to move and dance and play, mark felt that lack of sleep creep up to him. he felt like he would pass out at any moment.

but after a few hours, it was all over.

an empty venue. an empty void in their chests.

mark never liked it, he never liked looking back at footage and seeing himself mess up. the brunette always needed to be better. he wasn't ever good enough.

"eeh," jeno groans, seeing himself drop his pick mid-performance, right out of his lithe fingertips. everyone could listen to the change in tune from his red pick, to his peach fingertips. the noirette hardly ever talked, but everyone could feel that jeno felt the same way. he needed to do better.

"it's alright, jen, no one even noticed," mark rubs the boys back, feeling his puffy muscles under his black hoodie. they felt... shrunken. they didn't feel as big as they looked a few days ago. maybe they shrunk because the boy was embarrassed, somehow.

"i noticed, though,"

mark felt the same way.

+

"i call dibs with haechan!" jaemin exclaims, raising his arms up to run and catch up to haechan, who's already fumbling with the hotel keys.

"what? i thought you wanted to sleep with jeno tonight. i thought you said you were getting sick of me,"

"no, i love you," jaemin mumbles as he hugs haechan's back, listening to the door click shut. jeno doesn't say a word, all he does is insert the key into the slim slot and jingle the key around, jamming it into the doorknob and twisting it to the side, unlocking the door.

he never realized how gorgeous jeno's eyelashes were until now.

jeno quickly twists the knob to the door and let's himself in, pushing the door open for mark and heading off to the bed with his suitcase strangled in his blue lined fists. you could almost watch his veins dance when he'd turn his wrists and adjust his hands. he drops his suitcase and his bags on the bed with a huff, sliding his guitar off of his back and stretching out his muscles.

he quickly peels off his hoodie and mark wanted to die. he removes his mask and his hat before he flops down on the bed, his stomach pressed up against the mattress. he mumbles nonsense into the sheets, his back muscles flexing and twitching as he scoots closer to the wall.

all mark did was stare. he stared at the glossiness of his skin, the depth of his back and all of its dents and valleys. he could feel his pants almost tighten. before jeno rolls over to stare at the ceiling, mark ran to the bathroom and quickly snatches his toothbrush. he needs to get his mind off of his defined muscles. he wonders how they'd look when he's grinding and loving on someone.

mark shakes his head and squints his eyes closed. he needs to shut up. shut up, shut up, shut up mark. he hates doing this to his band. jeno is an amazing guitarist, he doesn't deserve to be looked at for just his body. mark didn't even think their fans have seen jeno without a shirt on – he wears hoodies, sweaters, sweatpants or loose jeans religiously. on rare occasions (if he's feeling sweaty, which is hardly ever) he'll wear a tank top. it was almost impossible to see his form through all of the fabric he normally wears.

either way, he was sexy-

no he wasn't, mark, shut up. please. objectifying jeno, your band mate, is wrong. it's dehumanizing and it's wrong. unless jeno didn't mind...

no. no, no, no.

after he's brushed his teeth, and he's performed his daily skincare routine, mark walks over to jeno, to hop in his designated side of the bed. mark was... awkwardly not close to him. he was nearly falling off of the bed, but he doesn't think the noirette noticed. jeno was comfortably in the middle of his spot, the left side of the bed, and mark was... idling, nearly floating.

he comes over and hugs mark's small frame, sprawling his heavy leg over his hips, his ear up to his chest, listening to mark's solid heartbeat. jeno loved the way mark's body lined up with his, he loved the warmth radiating off of his skin, like his own space heater. the noirette hated the heat, but if it was from mark, it was the only warmth he wanted. he tried to hold back from roaming his lithe fingers against mark's toned abdomen, feeling him closer. all jeno wanted was to be a part of mark, to be one with him. he loved mark so, so much.

unfortunately, jeno couldn't have that. he knew, at their core, that they were separate. so, in hopes of fulfilling that void, he listened to his heartbeat. this made jeno feel as close as possible to mark.

b-bum...b-bum.. b-bum b-bum  b-bumb-bum

mark would have been diagnosed with tachycardia if jeno didn't force himself out of bed and yank his covers off of his body.

"i have to pee," he mumbles. mark tries to soothe himself down and lower his coarse heart rate as he watches the noirette adjust his baggy hoodie, smoothing it against his soft skin. his legs scruff together as his sweatpants ripple and sag against his hips, making his way to the other side of the room.

click

the door snaps closed, and soon, he heard jeno from the toilet. mark glances around the room once, before adverting his eyes to the tv, furrowing his brows and keeping his mouth agape.

there was... content on the tv that the hotel certainly should ban. mark repositions his butt against the mattress, his scruffy legs twitching and rolling around underneath the covers. he takes a deep breath, not to slow his heart rate or relax, but because whatever was on the screen was more than just explicit. it was attractive – he was... titillated. all the feelings he had with jeno came back over his head, raining over him. he was just soaking everything up, down his chest and down his hips, up to his hardening dick, leaking.

mark's eyes widen at the sight of the man's hips, watching his perfect v-line ram into the girl, arching her back and gripping against his firm shoulders. mark glances down, watching the covers rise as his dick hardens and hardens below him. he hears jeno flush the toilet, and as hard it was for him to rip his eyes off of the screen, he did it anyways, quickly snatching the remote from the bedside table and switching it to the next channel. he tries to slow his breathing, holding his breath so his heart won't be so fast when jeno comes and slings his calf over him again.

"hmf," jeno huffs as he plops back down in bed, cuddling up to his sweet mark, his arms slung against his stomach. the brunette tenses. jeno must've intimidated him. jeno liked that idea.

the noirette keeps his eyes on whatever mark must be watching – some crime scene documentary. soon enough, mark felt jeno's body relax against his own body, slowly breathing, his frame building up and soon falling down. jeno loved the way mark felt beneath his touch, under his fingertips. his head rested against his tapered chest, his lanky waist. his baby. his skrunkly.

and there, jeno dove away into his dreamland. while mark, on the other hand, had a hard time diving away as fast as jeno did, with his elbows so close to his dick, his head so close to his pants.

he had a hard time trying to fall asleep, but he succeeded nonetheless.

+

errr

the door swings open, and the noirette immediately cranes his head to see who it is.

the boy beams, tightly hugging the brunette and easily picking him up, squatting down so he has a good grip against his tiny waist. all mark does is groan, his hat falling off of his head and exposing his scraggly brown hair.

"birthday boyyy," mark tries to tickle the noirette, but he has no reaction. he just had the same face: bright and winsome, his eyes bent and smiley.

"guess what, markie!"

"hm?" the noirette finally lets him down, squatting so mark's shoe-covered toes will safely hit the white linoleum ground. jeno touches the boy's firm shoulders, holding him in place to tell him his exciting news.

"i have two tickets to watch pretty in pink!"

"never heard of it,"

"good, because i want to watch it with you," the noirette lowers his voice, although they were the only ones in the dance room. mark was glad that they were the only ones, hardly even able to hear the ricochet of their own voices. although, he'd never admit that.

"oh! that's fine by me," the brunette widely smiles, totally forgetting to pick his hat back up from the scuffed floor.

"let's just... keep this between us,"

"i think that's a good idea,"

"there's only 2 tickets, so..," jeno gazes against the floor, "don't bring some other guy with you,"

Chapter Text

there jeno is, his sock-covered feet propped up on the seat, his shoes off and stored under his seat.

"thanks for getting me out tonight," mark says, his tone soft-spoken and delicate. he didn't want to disrupt anyone trying to enjoy the show.

"no problem, markie," the noirette sets the brown bag of popcorn to his side, on the firm compartment keeping them distant.

jeno's plan tonight was to shoot his shot with mark. he practiced in front of the mirror, in front of any reflection he could get his hands on. his foggy countenance on vinyl's and his old floppy disks, he spoke the words: are you a friend of dorothy's? he spoke to himself in front of their shiny black vans, in front of his shiny blue guitar. are you a friend of dorothy's? it was such a simple question, but it spiked his nerves.

"it's been a while since we've actually done something nice for us, considering how open our schedules are," mark giggles. his smile. his fucking smile. it could light up a whole room and whole houses, it could light up the whole world, the whole solar system. the way the corners of his lips curved up, the way his cheekbones pointed out and the way his eyes would squint sent jeno through a whirl. mark was all he could think about, he was running through his mind like he was on a treadmill.

"yeah, haha," jeno nervously chuckles. it was now or never, man. "mark, are you a friend of dorothy's?" he finally did it. it was undoubtedly much easier than he thought. it's not like he was pouring his heart out, it's not like he was exactly confessing, but he was one step closer. he was one step closer to mark's heart. he was one step closer to getting to know the brunette more. he was opening doors and opening windows. anything could happen.

"huh?" mark squints his eyes and tilts his head so his ear is directly in front of the boy. maybe he heard him wrong.

"are you a friend of dorothy's?" jeno stutters. even after all that practicing, he still wasn't fluent. his heart fluttered at the look of the brunette's confused face. he looked so stupid with his face scrunched up like that. he looked so cute.

"no, i don't know any dorothy," the brunette slumps back in his seat.

"no, mark! you're not understanding me," the noirette repositions himself, facing mark head on, "are you a friend of dorothy's?"

"no! i'm not friends with any dorothy's! i don't know one dorothy!" he smiles. what the hell was jeno talking about?

"no, no, mark, you're not understanding what I'm asking. let me ask you this instead," jeno takes a moment, rolling his eyes back to think of an alternative question, "are you normal?"

"you're really freaking me out,"

"do you like girls, mark?" being blunt is always the better option. maybe jeno should've practiced this instead.

the brunette is taken aback. he furrows his brows and gazes away. sure, he's had girlfriends growing up. he's been taught lessons and he's been blessed with the experiences it gave him. he's felt butterflies and a sort of attraction to the girls he's dated. so yes, he did like girls.

"w-well of course," this wasn't a question mark had really thought about. ever since he was a kid he was expected to date pretty girls, so that's what he tried to do. date pretty girls.

"do you like boys?" jeno tries to keep back a smile, tapping against the bag of the popcorn to distract himself.

this was it. if mark said yes, jeno would ask him on another date. he would properly confess and tell him that he's always thought mark was so attractive, so special and so precious. if he said no... well, mark will say yes. jeno was confident. it was so obvious that mark felt the same about jeno, hugging him and taking care of him and giving him gifts. holding his hands and petting him and squeezing him close. the movie played before them, total background noise by now. jeno didn't care about how much money these tickets were, he only cared about the brunette right in front of him.

mark looks away from jeno, getting his best act on.

"w-what? of course not," he scoffs, "that's weird,"

jeno's heart shattered right there.

"hm," the noirette tuts. he was upset, but he could never actually be mad at mark, "i guess i thought you were a little different," he tries to stay calm, keeping his distraught voice deep in his throat.

"you thought i was gay, jeno?"

"yes," the noirette sheepishly whispers, "i sensed it,"

"you sensed it?" mark chuckles. he pretends to be offended, but all he wanted was for jeno to tell him he thought of him as more than a friend. maybe more than a lover. "that's silly, jen,"

"i know," what mark could sense was the boy recoiling into his shell, "i'm sorry," he did this a lot.

"it's okay jen, it's just-" mark stays silent for a moment, "i'm not like that, really," the brunette tried to keep his hands in his lap, killing the idea of stroking his fingers against the boy's delicate cheek.

"i can tell," the noirette whispers, but he can't help but think that mark was lying.

mark regretted this. he regretted it real bad.

jeno did, too.

only if there was a way to reverse time.

+

"birthday boyyy," the brunette hugs him from behind, his lanky arms squeezing behind jeno's firm lats, his firm triceps.

mark wanted jeno to slap him against a brick wall with them.

"markie boyyy," jeno reciprocates, his voice hollow.

both of the boys tried to put last night behind them, tried to think of concerts and schedules and interviews. no matter how many questions were asked, no matter how many blurry moments and answers and dissociations, neither boy could get the same important question out of their head: what the fuck?

what the fuck was mark doing, pretending to not have an interest in jeno? what the fuck was jeno doing, thinking he had an interest in mark? what the fuck were they both doing, pretending they're fine and that last night didn't happen?

"ready for melbourne tonight?"

"no," says jeno, his voice hoarse and tired. his sound never went above a whisper, except during concerts when he had to sing or rap.

"it's gonna be hot, wear something-" mark thinks for a moment, "... not so jeno," and with that, mark exits the dance room, swinging the door and catching it in his digits, pulling it behind him as he speed walks to get his things ready, fully closing the door with a click.

jeno stands alone, with his own thoughts, staring at his black hoodie and black sweatpants in the mirror. it felt like he was staring at someone else, someone else he was unfamiliar with. a total stranger. he couldn't feel his clothes, his mask, his hat, his sweats. he couldn't feel himself blink. if anything, his reflection would blink after him.

he didn't feel like this until mark made fun of him last night. he didn't feel like this until he fell asleep, unable to chase that unfamiliar feeling. he didn't feel like this until he woke up, looked in the mirror and felt his reflection laugh at him.

he looked at the right side of his face, he looked at the left. he stared at his eyes until he found that one was uneven. he stared at his jaw until he seen one side was more rounded than the other. he stared at his nose until he realized how wide it was.

you thought i liked boys?

no, he just didn't like jeno. the noirette swore mark was a friend of dorothy's, he just didn't want to admit it. he knew mark liked boys. he just didn't like him. jeno's mind was a living hell, bombarding thoughts and dead emotions screaming in his sensitive ears. he could feel mark's deception in his core, but he could never directly talk to him about it. mark's lack of interest is not about his sexuality, but rather about something more personal - something about himself. maybe if he was buffer, friendlier, handsomer. maybe if he was more romantic, more charming, more sculpted.

why did he even try for mark?

because mark is loving, caring, talented, considerate, helpful, relaxed. this has been the best 5 months with mark; jeno could have never imagined him being this happy with the brunette. he was loveable. jeno was mark's birthday boy, and his only.

but now, something in jeno's stomach felt dirty. something in his brain felt foggy. something in jeno's heart felt overflown.

maybe he needed a bath.

+

"so have you guys always known each other?" the pretty lady fixed her blonde hair, switching her thighs for one to stack upon the other.

"no, actually!" mark gives the most fakest, energetic, happiest smile he ever could. only jeno would notice this, because he knows mark. jaemin and haechan smile with him, and jeno keeps himself a statue. "jaemin and i have probably known each other the longest, but jaemin and haechan knew each other since elementary school. we all met jeno just about 5 months ago!" he nods, gathering his hands up in his lap, stitching and twining them together. jeno does the same. he wishes he had his fingers laced with mark's.

"wow, you guys go way back!"

"yeahhh," jaemin hums, "he's a stinker," jaemin smiles, adverting his gaze to haechan. the said boy twists and turns to meet his eyes with jaemin's, playfully scolding him.

jeno held in any sound as best as he could. he coveted a day where mark would come back to him, tell him he's sorry and that he wants to get to know him more, too. the noirette wanted him to rebound. he wanted him to come back. after these hours, these minutes, these seconds, jeno never felt right, knowing that mark felt the same way as him. he didn't like that mark wasn't telling the truth.

"... jeno?" mark is turned around, gazing up at jeno, who's zoned out, staring at the floor. it takes a moment for jeno to reorient, blinking and raising his eyebrows, "when was the day you realized you wanted to do music?"

he takes a beat to think, "i guess there never was a day i realized, but when i was younger i would always fantasize about big venues and loud music, and me on the stage,"

"don't we all?" the interview lady giggles. jeno kept a straight face, for he still had this empty pit in his stomach. he felt so empty. he needed to fill it up somehow.

"of course we all do," he feeds into it, "but the difference between me and everyone else, is that i'm actually making it come true,"

the rest of the members nod, trying to digest jeno's snarky tone. he finally felt something. he felt that pit close up, just a smudge.

however, the lady didn't even notice, and kept the interview running with ease.

"this question is for mark!"

"alright!" the brunette fixes his posture, bending himself more forward. he felt his back stretch, a satisfying sensation running through his spine.

"ooh, it's for the ladies, too!" the crowd roars with girls, laughing and ooo-ing and blushing. mark immediately got scared, his own blush rising against his pointy cheeks.

jeno wanted to snatch the card out from the lady's hands and shred it to pieces.

"what is your type, mark?" the lady stretches out her words, earning more screams from girls in the crowd. the brunette stares into the camera, later switching to look at all the girls waving their hands and fixing their hair.

"dang," mark whispers into his mic. he waits until the crazy girls are done screaming, "maybe someone with dark hair, and dark eyes," the crowd goes wild again, colored nails and golden jewelry blinding their eyes, poofy hair and blue makeup prominent within the crowd.

jeno couldn't believe it. he had dark hair and dark eyes. the noirette swallows his dignity and his disbelief, harshly blinking and staring at the crowd. no one realized this, for everyone's eyes were on the vocal.

"maybe the same height as me? a little more quiet than me? but still knows how to lead a conversation,"

that's unfortunate.

+

"hey, jeno?" the noirette whips his head back, looking at jaemin peering into his hotel room, "are you busy?"

"no. why?"

"can we talk?"

"'bout what?"

"you,"

"... alright," jeno didn't really like this idea, but he waits for jaemin to slip in through the door nonetheless. he watches him examine the room for anyone else. "it's just me here,"

jaemin sits on the swivel chair, his clad feet prancing about the carpet. he gets comfortable in the seat, rubbing and squirming for a crevice to relax in. by the look on his face, jaemin wasn't happy. he looked upset, tired almost.

"are you doing alright?" jaemin asks, his light hair dancing in his eyes. his arms and his legs ended up looking catatonic, limp and scrawny.

"i'm fine,"

"i don't think so," by the sound of jaemin's voice, it seemed like he was bottling up anger and annoyance. or maybe jeno was just insecure.

jeno didn't know what to say, so he didn't say anything.

"do you want to talk about anything?"

"do you want to talk about anything?"

"i want to talk about your behavior," jaemin's voice lightens up, nearly bouncing off the walls.

"what about it?" the noirette's voice becomes muffled as he turns away from jaemin, organizing his bags and dusting off his bed.

"jeno, i've never seen you mad. i've never seen you upset,"

"i'm not mad. i'm not upset," of course he wasn't mad, of course he wasn't upset. jeno's name is not "mad". jeno's name is not "upset". in all honesty, he didn't know what he was.

"you sure do sound like it," the boy gets snarky.

"things are happening, jaemin," jeno takes a loud seat on the edge of his bed. he heaves a sigh and stares down at the floor.

"things are always happening,"

staring at the floor, jeno felt himself slipping into a dissociation, his eyes tired, but energized. his mind was foggy, but he had a million other thoughts. his body was untouchable, but he had so many signals running across his skin.

"jeno?"

"things are always happening," jeno responds, his eyes staring at the sugar stain on the carpet.

"yes?"

"i feel embarrassed. i feel lied to,"

"for what?"

"for thinking that i had a chance,"

"a chance at what?"

there's a long pause, and for a moment jaemin thought that jeno didn't hear him ask. the noirette keeps looking at the space below the bed, staring mindlessly at the dark carpet. the other boy repositions in the swivel chair.

"a chance to have someone,"

"oh, girl problems?"

"yes," jeno hesitates. mark wasn't a girl, he was everything from a girl. his face, his body, his everything. his cheekbones were carved by the gods, along with his nose, his jaw, his eyes. his body was so long and slender and beautiful.

"who's the girl?"

there's another long pause. jeno bites his lip, staring harder than ever at the floor, kicking his feet unwittingly. he didn't want to tell jaemin, but mark might. he didn't want to be the one to bring it up.

"i think it's better if you don't know,"

"i know this girl?"

jeno stays silent.

"oh please, jeno. how bad could it be? just tell me who it is,"

"no,"

"what? is it haechan's sister or something?"

"might as well be,"

"so haechan knows her, too?"

"yes,"

"is it haechan's sister?" jaemin genuinely asks, his eyebrows dipped and his eyes big.

"no,"

"does mark know her?"

"i think it's better if i don't say anything,"

"so mark knows her, too?"

"i don't want to talk about anything," jeno keeps kicking his legs. his eyes have been open for 10 straight minutes now and they're still glossy and moisturized.

"i think you should tell me what's going on, jeno,"

"i don't think i should,"

"i think you should,"

"i don't feel like myself, jaemin," the noirette irritably responds, his hand harshly slapping the bed as he pops it up into the air, letting it quickly fall like a lifeless limb. he finally makes eye contact with jaemin, gazing at the boys concerned composure.

"okay," jaemin whispers, a crack in his voice. his eyebrows were lifted, trying to absorb jeno's unacceptable tone, but trying to absorb that he is not okay, "if you need anything else, you can talk to me,"

and with that, all the noirette does is nod.

click

jaemin leaves jeno alone.

Chapter Text

cameras flickered.

girls' ecstatic faces were covered by slim, black banners and big, honking cameras.

nosy paparazzi's were flashing obnoxiously bright lights into their sensitive eyes.

in a way, this reminded jeno of how far they've come, in just a few months. pretty soon, they'd be seeing themselves in the newspaper and posters and have their names chalked up on sidewalks in some powerful graffiti or satisfying calligraphy lettering.

mark was right behind him, his eyes nearly engulfed by a bucket hat. his lengthy brune hair tickled his eyebrows and the back of his head, along with haechan's breath running across his skin. jeno's long back was covered by a light stüssy shirt, with an 8-ball printed right between his wings. mark already knew the paparazzi's got clear shots of his eyes pointed down, staring at jeno's beautiful arms, his beautiful back, his beautiful hands.

the noirette would shake and jiggle as he would adjust his bag across his wings, pulling at the tapered straps.

the only thing that mark could think of was how veiny and salacious his hands looked, and how his hands should touch his awaiting skin like how they touched his bag.

+

i love to dig my own grave

something wrong with my brain

you could call it self sabotage

it's a self fulfilling prophecy

i know i'm gonna fuck it up with you and me

shit's never going my way

now i'm drowning in blame

you could call it self sabotage

as the rest of the group was nearly jumping up and down, giving the crowd their all, jeno still zones out. their beautiful voices and talent had no match in trying to keep jeno coherent. he didn't know what verse they were on. he didn't know what chord was next. all of this was just one big, foggy blur. maybe jeno was being a pussy. maybe this is why mark didn't like him back, he wasn't a man.

with muscle memory, he pulled himself through and managed to reach the end of the song.

"thank you, sydney!" mark yells to the crowd of girls, hearing them moan and groan. the rest of the band waves their arms and their hands, saying goodbye to the void of fans.

"bye-bye," says jaemin, smiling down at everyone, his cheeks full and winsome.

as everyone bids their goodbyes, the band runs backstage, meeting with the makeup artists and the tech specialists.

"i can't wait to go to sleep," mark mutters, grabbing all of his belongings and stuffing them in his bag, along with the rest of the band. they didn't even care to watch the footage back, they just wanted to get to their vans.

"let's get the hell out of here," haechan whispers, zipping up his bag and throwing it over his back.

"i'm ready," jaemin chuckles, hostile.

"i'm ready, too," mark replies, tired and worn.

they all crane their necks and glance back at jeno, who's stuffing all of his guitar gear in his bag. a few whammy bars and screws fall out of his hands, trying to collect his packets of strings and pick guards.

"are you okay, jeno?" jaemin voices.

"why did you bring all of that stuff?" haechan chuckles, "it's not going anywhere, you could've just left that stuff at home,"

"jeno, you don't need all of those things," mark groggily announces.

jaemin doesn't say anything in return.

"what if i break a string?" the noirette irritably zips up his bag after throwing all of his equipment in, "haechan should really be bringing extra drumsticks and extra nuts because he's one hell of a fucking drummer," that could've sounded like a compliment, but jeno's tone was anything but sweet.

"excuse me?" haechan squeals. the noirette twists his cap on his head as he pushes through the group, walking down to the vans waiting for them. the group stares at jeno's guitar case, the silver duct tape nearly falling off of the bag. his frame quickly disappeared outside, and the rest of the group bathes in the hostile silence, flabbergasted at the tone that jeno gave them. jaemin speaks first.

"you really should bring some extra nuts for your symbols,"

"whatever. i'm going in the other fuckin' van," haechan flips his red hoodie up over his head, jogging out to the vehicles with his drumsticks and his black bag. with his free hand, he shoves his fingers in his pockets, probably to fetch for his loose cigarettes.

"jeno's been acting a lil' different," mark turns to look at jaemin.

"i talked to him earlier and he said he didn't really want to talk. his answers were very vague," the two boys walk down the stairs and back down to the vehicles.

"maybe i should talk to him," mark mutters, closing the door of the venue.

"i don't know. i don't think it's a very good idea. he still looks pretty pooped out,"

"okay..,"

"so? are you going to sit in silence with jeno, or are you going to sit with haechan and talk about jeno?" jaemin smiles, pointing to the vehicles with a clothed hand. "do you want shit?-" he showcases a van in front of them, where jeno is sitting, "-or do you want hot shit?" he showcases haechan's van.

if he sat with jeno, he might be too quiet and it would be too awkward. if he sat with haechan, at least he could calm him down and talk about it better than with jeno. plus, jaemin already tried to talk to jeno, he might open up more that way.

"i think i'll sit with haechan,"

"i think that's the better choice,"

as mark trots away, jaemin slides open the shiny van door, seeing jeno and his guitars dressed in their black canvas cases. the boy plops down in his seat, searching for his keyboard in the back seat before buckling up.

"hey jeno," jaemin says, trying to smile at the noirette. all jeno does is sigh, his arms crossed over his chest, slouching in his seat. "let's be safe and put on your seatbelt," maybe jeno didn't hear him, "jeno? please buckle up," the noirette glares at jaemin once, before turning his head back to look out of the window. jaemin could barely see his eyes from his cap, but he could tell that jeno just wanted to be alone. he hears the boy sigh again, except louder and more tired.

"you can talk to me if you need, jeno," jaemin says, before stretching his headphones over his ears.

+

creeek

a new home. a new hotel room.

jaemin never really felt a sense of security from moving hotel room to hotel room. something was always missing. something always felt off.

"what bed would you like?" jaemin questions, soft spoken.

"this one," jeno slams his belongings on the bed, hearing them rattle and shake. the noirette always liked the one closest to the bathroom, but for mark, he would sleep on the bed farthest away from the bathroom. his bed. mark's bed.

"is there anything i can do to make you feel any better?"

"no,"

"okay," and with that, jaemin unpacks his belongings, and tries to settle into this pseudohome. jeno seemed to unpack and settle down just fine, grabbing his guitar out of its case and serenading himself. he sits criss cross on the bed, in his shorts, and a baggy hoodie against his shoulders. his cap was still covering his black hair. jaemin could see how stringy his hair looked from underneath. the boy needed a shower. bad.

but nonetheless, he kept playing against his stomach, strumming the strings and adjusting the chords however he felt. jaemin liked the background music as he brushed his teeth and took his own shower, even stopping a few times just to hear if jeno was still playing.

as he twists the doorknob and leaves the bathroom, he sees the noirette tampering with his keyboard, a notebook on the side of his leg, with scales and words and footnotes.

the boy was putting together a song.

jaemin let jeno mess around with the keys and sounds of his keyboard, before picking up the black remote to the dead tv. he switches it on, and immediately turns it nearly all the way down. he secretly kept listening to the noirette's emotions, nodding along to the deep and heavy tones, followed by the slow rise of the higher notes. jeno didn't dare touch the notes on the right of the board, only keeping his digits focused on the middle and left of the board.

as jaemin makes sure his hair is pretty and dry, he wads himself up in the sheets, listening to jeno's gentle touch of the board, and he slowly drifts off to sleep.

whatever exactly was bothering jeno's mind, jaemin hoped he got through it. quick.

+

haechan glares at jeno with disdain.

he strummed the wrong chord.

as haechan keeps rolling and popping his sticks against his drums, he doesn't take his eye off of jeno, who's biting on his lips. whatever his problem was, it was eating him alive.

why couldn't he just suck it up?

the brunette began to do his own thing, gazing against the crowd who didn't even realize jeno's mistake. as he was doing so, he harshly slams his drumsticks against his drums, letting out all of his building annoyance. maybe the australian air was suffocating jeno, or maybe the sun was burning him too much. he seemed fine in his striped long sleeve and his stupid black cargo jeans.

the song ended, but jeno played two extra chords. by now, everyone looked back at him. haechan was pissed. mark didn't think too much of it. jaemin was worried. jeno was sheepish.

mark presses his soft lips up to the textured microphone.

"how are we feeling?"

"like i'm gonna fuckin' kill someone," haechan mutters under his breath. but to his dismay, the mic picked it up. jaemin glares at him, quickly glancing at him with sharp eyes and dark furrowed brows, adjusting his earpiece. mark pretended to not hear him. jeno's eyes became glossy.

"i'm glad we're having a good time," mark smiles, connecting his customized black mic to the stand. as he's chatting with the audience and doing some stand up comedy (it's terrible), jeno switches out his guitar for his cherry red bass. haechan sharply whistles at the noirette, quickly catching his attention. it hurt his ears. the boy twists around as he holds onto the cartilage of his ear, glancing around before meeting eyes with haechan, also adjusting his earpiece and bass strap. haechan ticks his head for jeno to get up real close to him. the boy steps over wires and equipment, roughly meeting with haechan's breath. this time, the brunette points his mic away from him so no one can hear his words.

"get a fucking grip, jeno," he whispers in the boy's ear, looking at his earpiece as he did so. it was awfully shiny, with a thin white skull tatted on it.

the noirette blinks, and a little tear falls from his cheek. it was too slim for cameras to pick it up, or for anyone to truly notice. jaemin is quick to cover the two up, blocking everyone's view from the scene while mark keeps the audience entertained.

jaemin, being the observant lad he is, wipes jeno's eyes. keeping his makeup from slipping, jaemin and the noirette collectively try not to smudge his eyeliner and highlighter. as jaemin softly wiped from under jeno's eyes, his mole revealed itself under his concealer.

"just do the best you can, okay?" jaemin says, carefully walking jeno back to his spot. "do you want to take a minute?" jeno keeps his head down, his raven hair covering his face.

jeno shakes his head, his soft hair following his movement. even through all of the heat and the styling and the tampering, the noirette's hair has always looked flawless. jaemin has never seen jeno's hair care collection, but he knew it was big. jeno's always enjoyed participating in stuff like that.

"are you sure?"

he nods.

"okay, but if you mess up again we're going to talk,"

he nods.

jaemin walks back to his spot behind the keyboard, picking up his water bottle and twisting the small cap off of it with ease. he lets the liquid slide down into his mouth, capping it and dropping it back on the floor once he's done, not paying attention to where he dropped it.

as jaemin listens to mark's terrible jokes, he recites the chords of jeno's pretty song that he fell asleep to. this makes jeno smile as he continues to adjust his makeup. once he's done, the boy softly strums his cherry bass to the rhythm. jeno didn't use a bass at all last night, but he still tried to match the tune, as if he had used it instead of his blue guitar.

no matter what, jeno knew he had jaemin by his side.

for the rest of the concert, jeno fucked up more than he should have. each time, he scrunched up his face and pretended to not see haechan eyeing at him like a hawk. every time the boys would jump up and down, dance, or feel the music, there was always jeno, standing stiffer than a statue, his back erect and glued in place. this was by far his worst concert. this was by far the worst he's ever done, and he knew everyone noticed it.

"thank you, guys!" mark exclaims. haechan waves, jaemin waves, mark waves, and jeno unwraps his guitar from around his shoulders, sheepishly waving at the crowd. mark was blocking him for the most part, and all jeno wanted to do was fall into his shadow. hide from everyone and pretend like he didn't just give everyone his worst.

haechan was going to be so pissed. but it's okay, because jeno knew jaemin would forgive him.

Chapter Text

"no!" jeno could still hear haechan's thunderous voice beyond his strong headphones, beyond the brown wooden door and beyond the melancholy walls. "i don't think he should go!"

mumbling. it sounded like jaemin's warm voice, calming haechan down and grounding him. it seemed like mark was backing him up. jeno couldn't hear any words, only syllables, but from their cadence, the noirette could only hope that they were taking his side.

"guys, i'm not trying to be mean, but jeno sucked ass tonight, so i don't think he should go clubbing with us,"

more mumbling. more hoping.

"no! if we take him with us, he's just going to be a crybaby,"

jeno tightly fits himself into his thick hotel sheets, wadding himself up like a cocoon. he shuts his eyes, trying to drown haechan's angry voice out from his ears. his eyelashes beat against his blankets, furrowing his eyebrows and nuzzling his face into the warmth.

knock knock knock

jeno sighs, lethargically pushing the white sheets away from him and trotting over to the door. he smoothly twists the golden doorknob, feeling its coldness against his palm as he peeks an eye through the small crack.

"hi jeno," it's haechan.

"hey," jeno backs away with hesitant steps to fully swing the door open, exposing the rest of haechan's slender body along with his dark outfit. 

"do you want to go clubbing with us?" haechan slowly blinks, "the only reason why i'm asking you is because jaemin and mark are forcing me to,"

"oh, uhm," jeno idles for a moment. was haechan right? did he really deserve a night out? did he really want to? "i guess i could use a night out," he takes the offer anyways.

"you're gonna need more than one," the boy mumbles.

+

something in jeno was proud of himself for getting ready. he had on his sweet baggy blue jeans and a light, black t-shirt with "off-white" spelled across the shoulders. he fixes his bucket hat out of habit as they all spill into the club, with haechan right behind him.

"if you start crying, i'm hitting you," he could feel haechan's hard breath against his ear.

"don't listen to him," jaemin softly touches jeno's arm, grazing his fingers against his bicep as he's consumed into the crowd of people with mark following him. now jeno was left all alone, how he should be. how he wanted to be. there was a sort of comfort knowing that no one necessarily knew him, no one cared what he did or how he looked.

"hey, handsome," the boy looks up at jeno with big blue eyes, sparkling against the lights. jeno wouldn't lie and say they weren't gorgeous.

"hi," the noirette stutters, startled at the boy's sudden approach.

"what's your name?"

"jeno," god, he was swimming in the boy's cologne. he smelled so good, like roses.

"how old are you?"

"twenty,"

"do you want something to drink?"

"i guess i could use a drink," jeno stutters. he oddly found this boy attractive, with his blue eyes and brassy, ginger hair. maybe he was going insane.

"yeah! have a drink and loosen up," he nudges the noirette. maybe jeno really shouldn't have come to the club, because right before his eyes was mark, his arms already wrapped around some brunette girl's waist. they were dancing so fluidly, like the song was meant for them, rubbing and circling and grinding. jeno couldn't help but feel some sort of a resentment towards everything. he immediately turns his head around, trying to get the scene out of his brain. jeno tightly grabs the cup that this miscellaneous boy had given him, and he tips his head back and takes in the alcohol, or whatever it was. he slams it back down on the counter, feeling the glass almost shatter within his grasp.

"woah," the boy gasps, "trying to get someone off your mind?" the more jeno thinks about how much he abhors mark, the more this boy's voice turned him on.

"what's your name?" the noirette squints at him, trying to listen out for tony's voice. for some reason, jeno told himself that this helped.

"tony,"

"do you want to go somewhere more private?"

"sure!" tony downs his drink and sets it on the bar before wrapping his arm around jeno, letting him lead wherever he wanted. jeno's sudden repugnance towards mark wouldn't be so powerful if there weren't so many loud lights and such bright music.

the boy quickly pulls him outside, walking him to the corner of the club and looking down at tony's bumpy arms. he was australian alright, because all jeno had on was a t-shirt and he felt fine.

"i wish i had a jacket or something that i could give you," jeno sighs, fixing up his hat out of habit.

"n-no it's fine. what's your n-name, again?" his pearly teeth jitter and clank together.

"i'm jeno,"

"you're very h-handsome, jeno,"

"thank you. you're very attractive yourself," the noirette gently touches tony's shoulders, trying to warm up his lean arms. "is this okay?"

"yeah," tony begins to vigorously stroke his own muscles up and down, heating up his skin. shortly after, he lets jeno do most of the work, letting him touch his arms. "you're, like, really pretty," tony clearly had a thick accent.

"you're really pretty, too," something in his chest still felt wrong. something made him feel like mark was watching over his shoulder. "how old are you?" jeno couldn't believe he didn't even ask him back.

"twenty,"

"damn," jeno mutters, "when's your birthday?"

"april first,"

"i'm the twenty-third,"

"oh, that's cute," tony giggles, looking down at jeno gently rubbing him, barely generating any heat to warm him up; but tony didn't tell him that, he wanted jeno to keep touching him. the more the noirette touched him, the more his hands slowed down, the more his touch became more delicate.

"i'm going to be honest, i didn't come here for anything serious,"

"oh?"

"but you are one fine mother fucker," tony tuts, shaking his head. he could not believe what an angel jeno was, he was so handsome...

"oh really?" jeno pockets his hands and tony nearly whined, he wanted to feel jeno's hands.

"yeah..."

"i think you're super handsome, too," jeno sheepishly smirks, "but technically, i'm not allowed to date or anything,"

"why? your mommy doesn't let you?" tony giggles, mocking jeno.

"no," the noirette smiles, looking to the side, "my company doesn't technically let me,"

"company?!" tony is taken aback, furrowing his brows and scrunching up his face.

"yeah," the noirette gives tony a thin lipped smile, "and i'm sorry to tell you, but i'm only going to be here for a few more days before going back to illinois," he kicks some dirt on the ground with his shoe.

"oh,"

"so, we don't have to get serious or anything," honestly, jeno was secretly praying in the back of his head that tony will say he doesn't want to.

"do you want to get serious?"

"i think we'll work out better if we're not," all this relationship would cause is trouble. he's just glad that he got to call the shots.

"do you have a place?"

"no. i'm in a hotel with my band," the noirette knew what that meant. he knew what he wanted. he knew what tony was up to.

"band?"

"we're in concert tomorrow night if you want to come!" jeno smiles. 

"sure! do you want to..," tony trails off, gluing his eyes onto jeno's boots, "go to my place tonight?" the blue-eyed boy quickly glances back up at jeno. the said boy could sniff out tony's desire like a dog, it was all over his face, all over his language and all over his body. something about tony was intoxicating; salacious, even.

"sounds good. but i need to be back at my room for the night," he could be making a mistake. or not, jeno didn't really care at this point.

"okay,"

"i should tell the rest of the band,"

"can i meet them?"

"u-uh..," jeno itches the back of his neck. how would his band react to him meeting a boy? they probably would expect him to be with a girl. "maybe it's best if you don't,"

"oh... okay,"

"i don't know how supportive they would be," the noirette heaves a sigh, stretching out his lips and gritting his teeth.

"oh, yeah i understand that,"

"we can try to look for them together though!" he nudges tony.

"alright!" he nudges him back. "i should tell my friend i'm heading out too, then,"

"sounds good," as they turn around to go back inside the club, jeno takes a breath, "look for a guy in a fur coat and baggy ass jeans,"

"you got it,"

"like really baggy,"

"roger that,"

the two boys peer over the heads of people, struggling to find jaemin. almost every boy was wearing a cap, whether it be a college fisher boy or people like jaemin and jeno. but with the pushing and the shoving and the pulling, jeno finally finds jaemin, dancing and smiling with a drink in his hand.

"hey, jaem," the ravenette gently places his hand against his fur shoulder.

"yeah?" the boy turns around, his eyelids hooded. he was sober, but not by much.

"i'm gonna hang out with a new friend,"

"oh... okay. what does this friend look like?" jaemin yells at the boy's nose. jeno glances behind him, only finding a group of people partying and smiling and dancing. he then looks to his left, then to his right, not being able to spot the older anywhere.

"his name is tony," jeno leans into jaemin's space.

"okay. you have my phone number, right?" the brunette lays a hand on jeno's shoulder, keeping his red cup embraced into his chest as he does so.

"yup!" the noirette tries not to scrunch his face at the smell of jaemin's inebriated breath.

"okay, have fun and be careful!" jaemin pats jeno's chet and smiles at him, letting him run off.

"of course," and with that, jeno finds tony making his way towards him, through the crowd and the pulsating and the yelling. finally, the two boys head out of the club, hand in hand, jogging towards tony's truck.

+

jeno wasn't the type of person to agree to hookups. if anything, he refused to have them. he knew why he was here, half naked, under tony's drunken stupor in just forty minutes.

"you're so beautiful," tony mumbles, kissing down jeno's toned stomach. he keeps his fingers tangled in tony's orange hair, feeling his soft lips against his tapered waist. from his breast, to his ribs, to his belly button, he felt tony everywhere. he wanted tony everywhere.

"mm," jeno exhales, his legs wrapped around tony's small hips, totally spread open by his waist. tony softly runs his red lips down jeno's stretched neck, kissing him every few seconds. suddenly, he feels tony suck against his skin, feeling his lips and his teeth on his chest. it only hurt for just a second, "mm," jeno furrows his eyebrows. for a moment, he felt like a normal human being. not an artist, not an object.

"can i take these off?" tony softly asks, already beginning to unbutton the boy's dark blue pants. he stops at his fly, waiting for jeno's response.

"yeah," jeno helps tony scoot down his big pants, revealing his worn-out boxers.

"can i touch you?" tony whispers, connecting the two's warm foreheads, rubbing on jeno's firm hips with a flat palm and wrapping his lithe fingers around jeno's bone. something in the noirette's stomach squelched as the blue-eyed boy finds jeno's dick beautifully carved out from his red boxers, watching it become stiffer and stiffer.

"yeah," jeno whispers, taking a deep breath before tony gently shoves his wide palm in the boy's loose underwear. he grabs his stiff dick and slowly begins to stroke jeno up and down, making the noirette shudder and gasp with pleasure, feeling a wave of blood rush down his veins and to his cock. he extends his arms and squeezes tony's shoulders, hissing at the sensation of the boy's tight grasp around his hard dick.

mark. mark. mark.

"you're so hot," tony whispers in the ravenette's ear, his warm breath dancing along the curves of the cartilage. jeno wanted mark to say it so badly. he wanted mark whispering in his ear and hovering over his body; but supposedly mark wasn't like that. it had to be tony. maybe this would be good for the noirette's mind, to evict mark from his brain and find other fish in the sea. "can you touch me?" tony softly whispers, speeding up the pace on jeno's dick. whimpering, jeno slowly touches the boys hips, watching tony grab onto his own dick, pulling it out of his underwear. "please?" jeno immediately holds onto his member, touching him up and down. "please," everytime the boy pleaded, jeno's dick got harder and harder. and everytime he got harder, tony went faster and faster.

"mmh," jeno groans, twisting his hips to the speed of tony's fingers, trying to keep his moans caged in his throat. he rolls his hips up and down, loosely grinding against tony's own body, tony bites his bottom lip, tasting a tinge of copper against the curve of his tongue.

as the two boys kept grinding and touching, stroking and pulling, tony could feel jeno's thick stream of cum against his fingers, slowly dripping down to his abdomen.

"fuck," tony groans, pushing himself closer to jeno's warm body as his eyes roll back into his skull, feeling his own stream of cum intertwine the boy's nimble digits. the noirette keeps feeling him, rubbing against his waist and his hips and his chest, his fingernails grazing against each crook and cranny of tony.

the boys look at eachother for a moment, realization settling into their bones. realization settling into jeno's bones. the ginger smirks and giggles, removing his hand from jeno's red underwear.

"i think i should go,"

"what?"

"i don't mean that in a bad way," jeno rests his hands on the boy's shoulders, "i just mean that my band is probably worried about me,"

"i can't believe you're in a band," he squints at jeno, "are you seriously?"

"well, yeah," jeno nervously smiles, "you'll be at our show, right?"

"where is it?"

"the limerence venue... really small venue, it's honestly just a club," the noirette's eyes scatter about the room, finally taking in his surroundings.

"how much to get in?"

"i thinks it's five dollars," he looks back up at tony.

"i'll be there," he nearly winks at jeno, but he keeps that tic hidden away.

"sweet! it starts at seven," the noirette gives tony a bright smile, showcasing his smiley eyes, and his pretty white teeth.

tony kisses jeno's neck, and the noirette almost recoiled. hugging the boy close, tony sighs with satisfaction; jeno's body felt so nice, so soft, so delicate.

"i'll take you back home," the boy mumbles in jeno's chest.

tony felt oddly connected to jeno somehow.

Chapter Text

there lies haechan, his eyes closed and his body catatonic underneath his thick sheets. jeno slowly clicks the door closed, tip-toeing back to the bathroom, flipping on the light, and gasping at his reflection.

a nefarious hickey against his skin, right on the crook of his neck. he immediately covers it up with his palm, his lips droll and his eyes wide. jeno could only hope that this hickey was barely ephemeral. he needed it gone. asap.

"jen?"

the noirette flips off the light so the room is black and velvety.

"yes?" the noirette delicately responds, the echo of the bathroom helping jeno's cadence. his feet felt glued to the linoleum floor, like quicksand eating him up. quite frankly, that's all he hoped the floor would do. consume him, eat him up so there was no trace of him left behind. not only the bruise had to be gone, but he had to be gone, too.

"where the fuck were you?" the tv light introduces haechan's angry face to jeno. his tone was everything but pleasant.

"i'm sorry,"

"i don't want apologies, i want explanations,"

"i told jaemin i was going to hang out with a new friend," the noirette recalls as if it was obvious.

"well, jaemin didn't say shit. you shoulda told all of us, jeno. me and mark were worried sick,"

jeno tightens his grip against his neck, pressing against his hickey until he feels a sharp sting bite at his skin.

"i'm really sorry,"

"where exactly were you?"

"at my friend's house," the noirette whispers.

"friend? we're in buttfuck australia. how do you know people from here?" haechan's voice bounced against the walls. he was pissed, as usual.

"we met each other this night," jeno's voice began to shrivel up and die. he barely had any sound in his throat. if jaemin was yelling, he'd probably yell back. if mark was yelling, he'd probably apologize all night long. but haechan, something about him made jeno become small.

"that's dangerous as fuck. what if you got stolen? what if you got drugged? what if you got..," haechan struggles to speak, rubbing his eyes with his fingers, "somethin' bad could have happened. who were you with?"

"my friend,"

"i don't care that they're a friend, i need names," the boy leans against the doorframe, in front of jeno.

"i was at tony's house,"

"and you just met him at the club?"

"yes," jeno managed to breathe.

"god, you're so stupid," he rolls his eyes.

"leave me alone, haech," jeno let's go of his neck, leaving a faint red mark across his skin. the noirette walks over to his neat bed, grasping his bag on the floor to change into different clothes.

"is that a hickey!?"

"can you shut the fuck up? everyone else will hear,"

"who gave you that?!" haechan was doing more than just yelling, he was hollering.

"why do you care so bad? can't you just leave me alone?" jeno pleads.

"okay, i know you're stressed out n' depressed n' whatnot, but you have a reputation," haechan sternly points at jeno, his voice stable and loud.

"what is that supposed to mean?"

"you can't just go out and get laid, jen! people might see you!"

"i told you i'm sorry. what else do you want from me?"

"who was the girl?"

"what girl?"

"who gave you the hickey?"

"it's none of your business,"

"well-"

"god, you pry all the fucking time. can't you just learn to leave shit alone?"

haechan stays silent. jeno stays silent. for a second, jeno could spot the boy's eye twitch, clicking to random beats. he pulls out his half-empty pack of cigarettes and his black lighter.

"fine. i'm goin' out to smoke," the highlighted brunette twists open the door with the hinges screaming, letting it fall back behind him, disappearing into the dark hallway. as he could hear haechan's footsteps tap away against the carpet, jeno pulls the fabric off his back. instead, he switches his hoodie with a normal t-shirt, and his sweatpants for boxers, sitting at the edge of his bed once he was done and shoving his bag back on the floor, letting it fall to the ground with a thud. jeno gazes around the room, admiring the scenic orange tint from the tv onto the dirty carpet and the messy sheets. should he apologize? probably. will he? probably not. maybe. possibly.

haechan wouldn't apologize, so why should jeno?

+

the noirette's eyes hesitantly flutter open, hearing the faint tv and the chirping of familiar birds. all jeno does once he's up is glare at haechan with disdain. he hated his face because he knew what laid behind those deceiving eyes, in that brain of his.

"what do you want, twat?" haechan curses, beginning to fetch his pack of cigarettes and his lighter. he angrily grabs a random stick from the pack and purses his lips, keeping the cigarette between his pink pedals.

"why are you in my room, anyways? this is supposed to be me and jaemin's hotel room," jeno asks, sitting up from the bed with a hunch and furrowing his eyebrows, his covers totally pushed down until his waist.

"jaemin ended up getting real fucked up and wanted to sleep with mark. trust me, i don't want to be in your room either," he lights his cigarette. jeno keeps staring, "i want an apology, jen," he blows the smoke out from his lungs, dancing into the air.

"for what? having fun?"

"that wasn't fun, it was concerning," haechan pushes himself to the edge of the bed so his tired legs are dangling over the dark carpet, "you better be grateful i didn't smack the living shit out of you," he tuts.

the smell of smoke fills jeno's lungs. he tries to swat the greyness away from his face, waving his hand back and forth.

"whatever,"

"what d'you mean, whatever?" haechan scrunches up his face, looking at jeno's tired face as if he was insane.

"you said you don't want apologies, you want explanations. why are you telling me to apologize now?"

"because now you know what you did wrong. at the beginning you were just apologizing cause you're a fuckin' bitchboy,"

"i don't like you,"

"i don't like you either. i don't like whoever the fuck you've become," the brunette trots over to the exit, creaking the door open and slamming it shut. jeno could hear haechan forcefully knock on the neighboring door, followed by 'what's wrong?' coming from mark.

mark. his voice sounded like honey.

"i'm done with jeno. he wants jaemin,"

everything was muffled. even jaemin entering their room was nearly muffled. he was nearly dozing off, his ears plugged by his dreamland.

"jen?"

"hey," that's all he has the energy to respond with.

"are you giving haechan a hard time?" jaemin lethargically rubs his eyes, smelling haechan's marlboro cigarettes roam the room. as the boy tiredly blinks at jeno, the noirette flips over to the other side of the bed, laying down and facing the wall. "you can talk to me, jen,"

"just leave me alone," he whines.

"okay. i'm going to tidy up in here though. we're leaving in a few,"

jeno quickly falls back asleep.

+

you're a fucking bitchboy

you can talk to me, jen

jeno couldn't tell who was lying and who was telling the truth. honestly, he just denied both.

you make me think love is more than pretend

but baby it's all in my head

because my mind, is not my friend

there's no getting away, i can't wait for the day

to jeno, being in his band was always have fun and relax, but recently it's been more of just smile and wait for your cue. he'd constantly zone out and lose track of his place, he'd always lose track of time. and every fucking incident, haechan would scream at him backstage.

"you don't even deserve a spot here if you're going to glue your eyes to your music sheet and still fuck up," and with that, haechan angrily exits out of the venue and stomps outside to the vans. jaemin immediately pouts his lip and rubs jeno's clothed shoulder, but the boy relentlessly shrugs him off, jogging out of the venue to meet with tony.

as his heavy guitar was still wrapped around his broad back, he could see tony calmly perched against the wall of the venue, a foot on the brick wall, and a foot on the cement floor. his back was pressed against the building, with a beautiful tint of orange illuminating his body. tony was downright gorgeous.

the noirette speed walks to the boy, watching the wind catch his short, curly hair. they smile at eachother once jeno was close enough.

"you were awesome!" tony beams.

"thanks," the noirette monotonously replies as he stares at whatever shoes tony is wearing. scuffed up timberlands with the laces tightly hugging the curve of his ankles. he kicks his own old converse against the cement.

"tired?"

"yeah. i don't want to keep my band waiting,"

"is there sometime else we could meet..? again?" tony pleads, fixing up jeno's black bucket hat. the older moves it back, exposing more orange light to jeno's beautiful dark eyes. the noirette looks back up at tony, a shimmer against his iris'. tony widely smiles at jeno's breathtaking globes.

"sure, if i'm back in australia anytime soon," he pulls his hat back down, but tony adjusts him again to see his pretty eyes.

"where are you off to, next?"

"gold coast,"

"sweet! one of my buddies is in gold coast, that i went clubbing with, remember? maybe i can get her to come see you,"

"that would be cool!" jeno forces his enthusiasm, avoiding any contact with tony's blue eyes and keeping his converse kicking the rough ground.

"sweet! um... do you have my number?"

"no,"

"do you have anything to write with?"

of course jeno did. he whips out his sharpie, and extends his arm out to tony.

"i'll write it down later," jeno chuckles, and tony begins to gently hold jeno's arm, scribbling numbers against his skin.

"perfect!" he caps his marker and hands it back over to jeno, "call me? please?" the way tony pleaded like that nearly gave him a hard on, but he was too tired for any of that.

"of course i will. see you around,"

"see ya,"

and with that, the two boys part ways with jeno running down to their van, and tony making his way around the club to his truck. the noirette hops in his seat with his bass and his equipment already in the backseat. jaemin must've placed it back there for him, since he was riding with jaemin again, of cour-

"who was that?" mark asks.

it was mark. mark. mark. his voice, his face, his body. he touched his guitar equipment.

"uh- tony,"

"uhtony? funny name," mark gazes at the front seat, at the front mirror, at the front window. the van begins to heat up, and jeno easily realizes they're on their way to the next city, gold coast. wherever that was. he slouches in his seat after placing his guitar in the backseat with his bass and his eyes softly stare at his beaut of a guitar, hiding under the canvas case, "i handled everything. i thought you were talking to our manager and i thought you might take a while,"

"no. just tony," jeno plops down properly in his seat, trying his hardest not to kiss the brunette.

"tony," mark repeats, "do i know tony?"

"no. he's a new friend," jeno plays with his thumbs.

"is he nice?"

"no, he's a monster that's why i'm friends with him,"

mark begins to giggle, fixing his jacket underneath his seatbelt. his laugh. even his laugh sounded like honey. his laugh sounded like angels singing. his laugh was nearly divine.

"of course. i'm glad you found a new friend," the two boys smile at eachother, both smiles genuine. "however, i can't help but think maybe you spent too much time with friends, so that's why you kind of sucked tonight,"

jeno's smile fades down.

"no. i just have a lot on my mind right now,"

"is it something that i said?"

"no," yes.

"okay," mark keeps adjusting himself, "you know, if it is, we can talk about it," the boy's voice, the boy's face, the boy's attitude was too great to lie to. mark was too amiable to the point where it sucked. you could never lie.

"fine. it is," jeno kicks against the floor, "i just don't want to talk right now,"

"no problem. do you want to share a room this time around?"

"sure,"

"coolness," mark happily smiles, "you've been hangin' 'round jaemin a lot recently,"

"yeah," the noirette shrugs.

"why not me? do you like him better?"

jeno wouldn't tell anyone, but his stomach felt funny. was mark jealous?

"not at all, he's just very sweet,"

"am i sweet?"

of course. sweeter than pie.

"mhm," that's all jeno had the energy to breathe.

pretty soon, he was knocked out cold to the sound of marks sweet voice, to the smell of his faint cologne, to the divine presence of his being.

pretty soon after that, mark was knocked out cold to the sound of jeno's soft breath, to the smell of his calm perfume, to the precious presence of his being.

+

there jeno was, his eyes closed and his composure relaxed. he had his blankets shoved all the way up to his face, his sculpted legs revealed from beneath the sheets. he looked so... gentle.

mark softly swoops jeno's hair away from his eyes, curtaining his smooth hair so his flat forehead is exposed. now, he looked even more handsome.

this is the first time he hasn't had a sexual thought about jeno for a while. sometimes mark thinks that jeno laid a curse upon him. quite frankly, mark wanted it gone. it was chewing him up, it was eating him alive; he was heinous for thinking such things about jeno. at least, that's what it felt like. couldn't he just have one cute thought about him?

unfortunately, no. because the way jeno's body was sprawled about the bed was anything but pure. he had his legs spread open and his back curved so his butt was on display. of course, jeno had no idea this is how he looked. he had no idea he looked this... hot.

just by the look of his posture and his body, mark began to feel his dick stiffen up, watching his pants tighten and adjust to his crotch. jeno always spurred uneasy sensations within mark, feeling an itch deep inside his crotch, feeling desire inside his abdomen.

mark couldn't do anything about it. he didn't want to act on anything. instead, he took out his pen and paper and got beneath his covers, writing down how jeno made him feel. it was well too late for anyone to be awake; either way, this feeling in marks crotch wasn't going anywhere but on paper.

get down on your knees

now that i'm in your sheets, i'll make you weak

get you begging like please

we won't tell anyone how you scream when they're not around

lies that we tell to our friends don't ever change

tired of saying we're not ok

can't get enough when you scream my name

mark shoves his pen and paper under his pillow. he was done for the night.

Chapter Text

feet shuffle and clank against the cement floor, pants and huffs dart across the room. although jeno's guitar skills haven't been the best, it seemed like his dancing skills were everything but terrible. as they wrapped up practice, mark kept his stretched-out position on the floor, feeling the blood easing away from between his thighs. the stretches didn't work as much as he wanted them to because he kept staring at jeno like he was a greek god; and quite frankly, his body looked like one.

"hey markie," jeno mumbles.

"hey birthday boy," mark announces, standing back up from his frog-like position.

"i'm ready to talk when you are,"

"oh! sure thing!" mark smiles, gathering his stuff in his small bag and casually throwing it over his back. jeno just stands there, his hands in his front pocket. "you didn't bring anything?" the noirette shakes his head. "okay! let's go,"

the two boys exit the dance room without another word, making their way down to the official exit. a burst of warm wind paints against their faces, nearly blowing both of their caps off of their heads. jeno desperately tries to keep his hoodie propped up on his head, over his hat. he couldn't have mark seeing his bruise.

as they reach their hotel and they reach their room, mark fumbles with the keys, inserting the key directly into the knob and forcefully pushing the door open. the brunette waits until jeno walks fully into the room, checking him out while closing the door, watching jeno trot over to his bed by the bathroom. the noirette plops down on the mattress and mark locks the door.

"so?" the brunette pockets the keys and sits directly next to jeno. "what's been bothering you?" the noirette stays silent for a moment, resting his temple upon mark's firm shoulder.

"i talked to jaemin before," jeno whispers. mark tried so, so hard to fight his hard on.

"i'm aware. jaemin told me," the brunette gathers his hands in his lap to try and conceal the obvious carving of his dick.

"jaemin told you?!" jeno whips his head around to mark, his eyebrows furrowed.

"that's all he said! that you guys talked!" mark defensively raises his hands up on either side of his face, surrendering. hopefully, jeno didn't notice his pants.

"oh, ok," jeno mumbles, "i... i'm having a hard time. i don't think i handle rejection very well,"

mark nods, "i totally understand that, jen," the brunette looks up at jeno, looking at his relaxed face. "rejection is really hard, but i know you got this," the noirette plays with his thumbs, looking back down at his lap.

"there was this person i really felt attracted to, and they don't really find me attractive back," jeno leans his head against the brunette's shoulder, making sure his neck his still concealed under his hoodie. mark didn't know what else to say, he knew for a fact that jeno was talking about him. he wasn't going tell him about his attraction to him though, he wasn't going to tell jeno that he was wrong.

"is it... tony?"

"no. someone else. i'm not telling you," the noirette murmurs.

"i'm not going to tell anyone, if that's what you're worried about," mark responds, soft spoken. he begins to caress jeno's arm, running down his bicep and back up to his sculpted shoulders. the noirette properly sits up to look at mark, his palm against mark's thigh.

"it makes me feel unattractive sometimes. and now our band is shitting on me and i feel so small,"

"what?" the brunette glances at jeno and he scrunches up his face. jeno was one sexy motherfucker.

"what?" jeno furrows his eyebrows, "it just makes me feel like i can't be good enough for anyone, like as a whole," jeno tightens his hand against mark's thigh, "when i got rejected it made me feel... empty,"

"yeah," the brunette tries to smile to ease the boy, "i understand that, but i want you to know that you are very handsome and attractive in your own ways. the fans love you, and so do we," mark mumbles mid-sentence.

"thanks, markie. i guess it's nothing anyone said in particular. everything just keeps adding up,"

"that's okay, we all have your back," the brunette rests his head upon jeno's.

"haechan doesn't,"

"haechan is... difficult. but we love him regardless,"

i understand that, but i want you to know that you are very handsome and attractive in your own ways. the fans love you, and so do we.

just those words alone was enough to make him feel so much better.

+

"how are we, gold coast?!" jeno screams into his mic, nearly blowing up the venue. everyone cheers and hollers at the top of their lungs, feeling the vibration of jeno's voice in their veins. everyone, including the crowd, looked back at jeno, who was fixing his hair after taking a swig of his water.

they look at eachother once.

they look at eachother for another beat.

mark turns back around, nodding at the crowd.

"we're doing good?" the brunette speaks into the mic. everyone screams again.

"be careful in the crowd, guys," mark points to the center of the venue, "i seen you guys pushing eachother,"

"they're mosh pitting," haechan replies into his microphone.

"still," mark mumbles, "we don't wanna have to take any legal action or have to pay any medical bills," he nervously chuckles.

"we're in australia, there are no medical bills," haechan interposes.

"oh, yeah," mark giggles to himself.

"mosh pit safely, guys," jaemin closes the conversation.

jeno, as usual, didn't say anything.

because the music do and then it's reaching

inside you, forever preaching

fuck you, too, your scream's a whisper

hang on, you twisted transistor

music do, music do

as jeno kept his fingers connected to the neck of his guitar, he gazed about the venue, searching for tony. he squints and his eyes pierce through the crowd, searching for pretty hands and curly orange hair, searching for ocean blue eyes and earrings, searching for the boy he met a few nights ago.

he finds the boy, and he nods his head at tony.

as his pick strummed against the six strings, he makes sure his tone is loud and clear, checking his black amp and the sensitive knobs on his blue guitar.

"woo!" jeno yells, right when the song ends. haechan twists his head to face jeno as he hits the bass drum with his pedal, a look of surprise painted over his composure. the noirette slides himself out from his guitar, switching over to his bass for the next song. he adjusts the settings as mark speaks to the crowd.

"can we all agree that jeno is really hot and sexy?" mark asks, reaching an ear out to the crowd as haechan plays the beginning riff to the next song, teasing the audience. his face still displays surprise as fans scream and wail, jumping up and down, reaching out hands.

"what the fuck?" haechan mouths to jaemin, smiling. the other brunette shrugs, also grinning and turning to watch jeno switch his tone on his red bass. this sudden praise from mark had jeno covering his face and blushing under his palms, soon lifting up his bass and hiding, his firm stomach sculpted and on display. this australian heat had jeno in a hot tantrum. he still wore his iconic black hoodie, but he was only wearing jorts at this point. of course he bedazzled himself in silver jewelry so he doesn't look like a total moron, but he was so ready to leave australia.

"move that guitar, jen. we wanna see you," mark purrs. the noirette removes his bass from the tip of his nose, a faint blush still painted on his face as he leans into the black mic.

"it's not a guitar, it's a bass," jeno smiles, soft spoken into the mic.

"oh, boohoo," haechan snorts, shaking his head and rolling his eyes at the boy's stupid correction. jeno keeps smiling, double checking his instruments and making sure his sound is just fine, plucking the four strings with his two fingers to match haechan's riff.

"whatever. we all think jeno is really hot," mark smiles, and the crowd roars once more. as he begins to adjust his mic, jeno chimes in.

"i am actually really hot," the boy whispers, fanning himself with the fabric against his chest. "i might have to take off my hoodie," only people in the front row could hear him from how low he spoke. so, naturally, only people in the front screamed and pleaded.

mark turns around with a sly smirk on his face. this would be the only time mark could actually flirt with jeno, and it would go unnoticed.

"why not now?" mark purrs. jeno looks both ways with his eyes, pretending to think.

"later," jeno closes the conversation.

"okay, later,"

+

you think you're special to me

you think you can get under my skin

you stick your knife right through me

so dull that i don't feel a thing

i don't hate you, i don't care like that

do you kiss your mother with a mouth like that?

i'm starrin' in your movie

but you're not that special to me

"thank you, gold coast!" the band waves goodbye, and with that, the concert is finished.

mark runs off of the stage, not before waving another goodbye and blowing kisses, of course.

haechan smoothly walks off, calmly waving goodbye before being engulfed by the darkness backstage.

jaemin pretends to give everyone hugs and kisses before walking away, following haechan.

jeno gently slings his bass off of his bare back, setting it up on his stand and waving goodbye, following mark backstage.

he immediately covers himself up with his arms, shy now that his fans aren't watching him anymore. but whenever he's alone with mark, he lets his breasts go. he was totally comfortable with him watching, only mark.

"okay, sexy! told you," mark jokingly pokes jeno, his fingers softly digging into his bare skin.

the noirette quickly covers himself with his signature black hoodie, with an X on the back, followed by off-white written along the symbol. he totally forgot about that purple stain on his neck.

the boy slaps on his bucket hat on his wet hair and slings his canvas guitar case back on his body, ready to head out.

"bye-bye," he announces, running out to the vans waiting for them. he finds tony waiting for him again, this time underneath brighter light than last time. "hey!" jeno smiles, waving at the curly haired boy.

"hey," he smiles, and jeno nearly melts at the boys voice, "you did so good! i think you did better than last time,"

"i definitely did. i've just been feeling better recently," because of mark. he feels better because of mark, now that he's giving him these signals.

"of course," tony smiles, "this is nia," he showcases his friend, who's much shorter than both of them. she's covering her face with her sweater, her bangs covering the other half of her face. "she's who i told you about yesterday,"

"yeah!" jeno smiles at the girl. she looks about the same age as tony and jeno, maybe just a bit younger. maybe she was nineteen, she could've also been eighteen. "nice to see you, nia," she hides behind tony.

"she's a fan now," he nods. jeno nods along with him, "she also told me that when we were at the club, she danced with your guys' main singer," tony furrows his bushy brows, and jeno's eyes immediately flick over to nia, examining her. he begins to softly frown, a wave of resentment and disdain filling him up as he realizes how similar the girl's hair was to the girl he seen dancing with mark, her similar height and her similar dark eyes.

the noirette softly nods, "y-yeah, that's... mark," he can't take his eyes off of nia.

"mark, huh? how about everyone else?"

"there's me, mark, haechan, and jaemin," jeno counts on his fingers.

"who's the drummer?" nia asks, her eyes wide and sparkling brown.

"haechan,"

"he's really cute," her legs wobble, almost falling down as her steps became heavy, stuffing her frame behind tony. jeno tuts, flashing her a winsome grin and slapping his knee.

"i'll tell him you said that," he forces his guitar case back up to his inner shoulder. all nia does is grin with excitement.

"anyways, i was also wondering if you'd be down to... y'know, hang around," he shrugs, "i know that you guys are kinda going everywhere, but," jeno also shrugs.

"i mean, our company likes to give us an extra day to do whatever we want. i could ask my band to see if they're okay with me dipping,"

"yeah, please!"

jeno trots over to the van with his guitar on his back after looking both ways across the street. he pulls open the van door and mark is revealed before him.

"hey. i thought you were already in the van," he glances up from his 8-track. jeno frowns, his face going soft as flashes of that night click in his brain. his hips on nia's hips, her waist against his stomach, their arms tangled together in bliss. his heart squeezed at mark's tired face, the way he keeps looking at him and grinning at him.

"nope. uh... tony wants to hang out," jeno harshly pushes his guitar in the van, accidentally throwing it further than expected in the backseat.

"oh. i mean, do you really want to?" say no. say no. say no. please.

"kinda, yeah," jeno mumbles. mark curses himself. "tony is a nice guy," the noirette weakly smirks.

"we have tomorrow to do whatever, but remember our flight is at six pm,"

"of course, of course," jeno hops out of the van, adjusting his clothes.

"so... i would meet us at four pm just to be safe, after hanging out y'know,"

"of course," jeno repeats, tightly grabbing onto the van handle to pull it closed.

"and please, for the love of god, be careful," mark tilts his head. he'd be tearing up the entire city to find jeno, and to find whoever hurt him. little did mark know, the culprit was right under his own nose.

"i will. could you please tell everyone else that i'm with tony?"

"yes, i will. have fun, jen- be careful!" he firmly slams the door on mark before he could fully finish his sentence.

jeno nods his head and gives tony a thumbs up, signaling that the plans are set.

before he knew it, jeno was in the backseat of tony's car, with nia in the front, and tony driving. it was painfully, painfully quiet. so, jeno pulls out his headphones and puts them on over his hat, under his hoodie. he flips over his cassette, and he presses play, listening to the soft hum of his r&b mix.

off to dreamland, he goes.