Archive of Our Own ^beta

When Dean looks back at how he got here, he realizes that it all began with a tree.

It was a cold, snowy Christmas Eve when he first met Cas. Dean was working their family Christmas tree stand outside the local Walmart because Sam just had to run off to meet Jess’s parents for the holiday in California. His brother was probably wining and dining with the Moores while Dean was busy trying to keep his fingers attached to his hands. The little heater that he’d bought from the store earlier was no match for the fifteen degree weather, and as a car drove by and sent an arc of slushy snow in his direction, Dean just mumbled to himself and flipped off the driver.

“Damn it all,” Dean muttered under his breath as the wind picked up and rattled him. He bundled down into his wool scarf and rubbed his hands together. The gloves Sam gave him before leaving for California did nothing to warm his frozen fingers, and if Dean didn’t get a customer in the next ten minutes, he was going to pack up and leave. Getting an extra fifty bucks for a wilted Christmas tree wasn’t worth the frostbite, in his opinion.

In an effort to get warmth back in his body, Dean began pacing the tree farm and examined the Christmas trees that were left. Most of their inventory had been picked over days before, and only the ones that looked like they belonged in a Charlie Brown Christmas special remained. It was dumb, but he always felt bad for those trees. They were the rejects, and after the Christmas season was over, they’d be discarded and chipped for mulch without ever having a family to love on it. He trailed his fingers over the branches of one tree that was only four feet tall. It was hidden between the bigger ones, and no one had ever shown any interest in it. A gust of wind almost blew the poor thing over, and Dean reached down to lean it against another tree.

“It’s okay, baby,” Dean cooed to the tree. “Someone will pick ya, I promise.”

“Um…” a voice called out from behind him, “can I get assistance?”

Dean jumped up from the ground and turned around faster than he thought possible. A man with the bluest eyes to ever blue was looking at him like he was out of his mind, and Dean blushed when he realized that he must’ve heard him talking to the tree.

“Uh, sorry about that, man,” Dean replied hastily. He walked forward and tripped on his boot, which sent him falling to the snowy ground. The blush that rose to his cheeks was probably bright pink, and Dean couldn’t believe that this was going to be his first impression on a very, very good looking guy.

“Are you okay?” the man asked as he offered a hand. Dean took it and was thrust from the ground, the guy’s strength pulling him up with ease.

“Whoa, easy there,” the man laughed when Dean almost went flying into the wooden table they set up for payments.

Dean blushed again and brought his eyes up to the man’s gaze. “Thanks,” he replied.

The man nodded. “You’re welcome. I’m Cas Novak and I’m looking to buy a Christmas tree.”

Dean grinned at the use of his full name and gestured to the line of trees in front of him. “I’m Dean Winchester, and you’ve come to the right place! We’ve got firs, evergreens, your pick. They aren’t the best lookin’, but add a few lights, ornaments, and it’ll be just like new.

Cas wandered through the lines of trees and looked at each one up close. He too examined each branch, and his gloved fingers roamed over the twigs of the biggest fir on the lot. He expected that Cas would tell him to write it up, but instead he just nodded in disapproval and walked on to the next tree, a smaller evergreen that was lopsided but still pretty. Cas walked past that one too, and continued on until he laid eyes on the tiny tree that Dean was talking to earlier.

He turned back to Dean and pointed at the tiny fir. “I’d like this one, please.”

Dean gaped back at him. “Really?”

“Yes,” Cas said. “It’s clearly in need of a good home, don’t you think?”

It was in that moment that Dean knew Cas was going to be someone special in his world.

“Uh, yeah! I was thinkin’ the same thing, Cas,” Dean replied, and then grinned widely back at the man. “I’ll just pull up a bit of paperwork and she’ll be yours for the taking.”

“Thank you,” Cas replied brightly. “My daughter will love this one.”

Dean’s ears perked up at that, and he felt disappointment thrumming through him. The first guy to come through the Christmas farm that was actually good looking and nice was of course already married with a kid. Typical Winchester luck.

“Daughter?” Dean asked as he grabbed the payment papers from his bag.

“Yes, Grace is five. It’s actually the first Christmas we’re celebrating together. Usually Grace’s mother gets her for Christmas, but this year Meg is gone on a business trip and didn’t want her to spend it in a hotel room.”

Dean looked up and caught Cas’s nervous expression before it faded back into a grin.

“You nervous about it?” Dean asked, and Cas just toed the ground.

“Is it that obvious?” he asked.

“Nah,” Dean said with a wave of his hand. “Lucky guess.”

Cas sighed. “It’s not like I get to see Grace that often. Meg has primary custody because I’m off traveling often for my work, and even though she loves me and I her, I’m afraid that she’ll be disappointed that she’s celebrating Christmas with me instead of her mother. I’ve...never actually celebrated the holiday before now.”

Dean perked up at that and took in Cas’s downtrodden eyes and curled in posture. He looked like a kicked puppy, and he couldn’t just let the man leave like that.

“You’ve never celebrated Christmas?” Dean asked. “Not even as a kid?”

Cas leaned against the table and shrugged. “Not in the usual way. My father was very religious and didn’t believe in Christmas trees, lights, gifts. He thought that the pagan traditions were unholy and we were forbade from celebrating them. Our Christmases were church sit ins and feeding the needy. Even when I was married to Meg I continued on in my father’s traditions, but we agreed that Grace wouldn’t follow them. That’s why Meg gets Christmas and I get Easter. It fits with our lifestyles.”

Dean pushed the papers aside and placed his hands down on the table. “But you’ve got Grace for this year and you’ve got no idea what you’re doing?”

“Affirmative,” Cas replied. “I know that people get Christmas trees, and I’ve seen plenty of them around town, but how do you put lights on it? Can I get ornaments at this hour? Meg offered up all of her decorations, but I don’t know where anything goes!” Cas began to pace the area and worried the lapel of his jacket. “And presents! Meg is always the one buying presents and I didn’t think to get her anything! What-”

“Whoa, calm down!” Dean called. He walked around the table and laid a hand on Cas’s arm. “You’re freakin’ out over nothing. Look, I’m finishing up here for the night. I’m gonna help you get ready for Grace...if you want me to, that is.”

Cas brightened. “Really? You’d do that?”

“I’ve got nothin’ else going on tonight. Why not help out the helpless, huh?”

Cas beamed up at him and grinned. “Thank you, Dean. Really.”

Dean just laughed and unplugged the lights around the tree farm entrance. “There are presents at stake, Cas! Now put that Christmas tree back on your car.” He looked up from under his eyelashes and threw Cas an amused glance. “It’s go time.”

A few hours later, Dean found himself up to his ears in dolls, Barbies, and Frozen gear. Cas was picking up anything he came across, claiming that Grace didn’t give him a wish list and Meg hadn’t offered up any information on what she wanted either.

“You can’t be too careful,” Cas explained as he threw a helmet into the cart to go along with the bike he picked out.

“Dude, are you buying the entire store?” Dean asked as Cas’s eyes caught on a Avengers coloring book. “You’ve got, like, twenty items in here already.”

Cas flicked his eyes up to Dean and threw the coloring book into the cart. “Is it too excessive?”

Dean let out a snort and folded his arms over his chest. “Dude, I was lucky if I got a pack of candy growing up. Yeah, it’s a little bit much, okay?”

Cas looked down at the gifts and pulled out a few of the items. “I guessing she’ll be fine without this robot...and this doll looks like one she already has, too.”

“Ah, there you go,” Dean replied brightly when Cas put away the items. “You don’t wanna parent a spoiled kid. Then you’ll just end up like the Dursleys.”

“Who are the Dursleys?” Cas asked.

Dean gaped back at him. “Dude, the Dursleys? From Harry Potter?” When Cas pouted in confusion, Dean asked, “You’ve never read the Harry Potter series? Really?”

“I’ve never had the occasion to read it,” Cas replied, “and it’s about witches and wizards. Not exactly something I’ve been accustomed to until recently.”

Dean took hold of the cart and turned it towards the books section of Walmart. “C’mon, Cas. We’re getting Grace the series for Christmas. No kid can go without reading Harry Potter, and you can read along with her. It’s good, I promise.”

Cas followed Dean over to the books and grabbed the box series off of the shelf. “And you think that she will enjoy this?”

“Dude, every kid likes Harry Potter,” is Dean’s response, and Cas just nodded. He put the books into the cart and continued on.

They worked their way through the rest of the store in relative quiet. Cas picked out a few other things for Grace while Dean fumbled behind him, knocking into frazzled last minute customers every few steps. Eventually Cas decided that he had enough presents for his daughter, and they made their way over to the checkout line and waited behind the others.

“Dean?” Cas asked lowly.

Dean turned towards Cas and raised his eyebrows. “Yeah, buddy?”

“Back by the coloring books...you said that you were lucky to get a pack of candy for Christmas. I don’t mean to pry, but were you serious about that?” Cas asked with wide, confused eyes.

Dean turned his gaze to the ground and fiddled with the hem of his jacket. “Uh, yeah. Life wasn’t the easiest growin’ up, y’know? My mom died when I was four in a house fire and my dad worked as a bounty hunter. Most Christmases were in motel rooms while Dad was out catching a crook in town. Not a lot of money for presents and things like that.”

Cas brought his palm up to Dean’s arm and looked into his eyes. “That’s no way to live, Dean.”

He pushed Cas off and crossed his arms. “Worked fine enough for Sam and me. Livin’ on the road is why we got the tree farm. Dad was working a case in town when we were teenagers. Guy who owned the farm was deep in debt. After he was caught, Dad was given the farm as part of his bounty. We didn’t do anything with it for awhile, but once Sam moved back to town after college and needed cash for grad school, we brought it back. Been in the business ever since. Just because we didn’t get the white picket fence doesn’t mean we had a bad childhood.”

Cas crunched up his eyebrows at that and threw him a confused look. “I’m sorry for assuming…”

“No big deal, Cas. You didn’t mean anything by it.”

“Next!” the cashier called, and that was the end of the conversation. Cas looked away from Dean as he walked up to pay for the toys, and Dean laughed lowly when the cashier tried to flirt with Cas. Clearly the man wasn’t having it, because he just gaped at her and mumbled out a ‘thanks’ before taking off as fast as possible after paying. Dean was running to keep up with Cas out the door.

“Dude, what was that?” he asked as they crossed the street. “She was pretty and you’re single now, right?”

Cas blushed and opened the door to his car. “Yes, she was attractive, but…” he trailed off, “she’s not exactly what I’m looking for right now.”

Dean tried not to get his hopes up at that, but immediately found himself asking, “What? Not your type?”

“No,” Cas replied, “because she’s a woman.”

He froze in place and dropped the bag he was loading into the car. No way.

“You’re…” Dean trailed off and gestured to Cas unhelpfully.

“Gay?” Cas responded with an amused look on his face. “Yes.” When Dean gaped back at him, Cas sighed and explained. “What Meg and I had was a marriage of convenience. We were both fond of each other, but not in love for, well, obvious reasons. We agreed that if we were both unmarried when we were thirty, we’d marry each other. We’re best friends, we both wanted kids, and we agreed if we ever did find someone else, we’d call off the marriage with no hard feelings. On the day that Meg turned thirty, we got married at the courthouse.” Cas toed the ground and looked away from Dean. “For the first three years, it was great. We bought a condo downtown. Grace was conceived through invitro on the first try, which apparently never happens, and when she was born, Meg and I took to parenting quite well. Everything looked great.”

He went quiet then. Dean noticed that Cas’s eyes were a bit glassy, and he immediately wished that he didn’t pry into the life of a guy he’d known for all of a few hours.

“You don’t need to tell me what happened if you don’t want to,” Dean whispered.

Cas brushed away the lone tear and leaned against the car. “No, it’s okay. I’ve never really talked about this before, and I heard getting things out in the open is good.” He took another moment to kick a pebble and let out a sigh. “Meg went away on a business trip when Grace was two. When she came back, she told me that she met the man of her dreams. Luke was handsome, witty, owner of a law firm in the city. One weekend was all it took for her to fall in love with him. The divorce papers were on my desk the next day.”

Dean let out a whoosh of breath and reached over to pat Cas on the arm. “That’s rough, buddy.”

“Understatement,” Cas muttered, “but it is what we agreed to. I let her go without questioning it, and she moved out of the condo and into an apartment with Grace. Now I only get to see her on the weekends, and even then I’m gone half of the time for work. You can see why this Christmas is very important to us.”

“Totally,” Dean replied. He kicked off the car and pulled the keys to the Impala out of his pocket “And I intend to help you make it the best. How ‘bout I follow you back to your place and we turn it into a five year old’s Christmas dream land?”

Cas grinned back at him. “Perfect.”

Dean found out quite quickly that Cas was, well, useless when it came to decorating. After they brought the tree inside and retrieved the decorations Meg dropped off, they wasted no time in turning Cas’s living room into a winter wonderland. Dean draped lights over the branches while Cas began wrapping the presents for Grace. Dean was whistling along with the Christmas music they had playing, and was ignoring Cas until he heard an unusual amount of rustling from behind.

When he turned around, Dean found Cas wrestling with one of the presents he’d bought. The paper was everywhere, and it looked like a dinosaur wrapped it instead of a human.

“I’m guessing Meg was in charge of the wrapping too?” Dean asked with a grin.

Cas blushed. “Yes,” he replied. “I tried many times, but Meg always said I was inadequate at it and banished me from wrapping. You can see why,” he said as he gestured to the present in front of him.

Dean batted Cas away from the terrible wrapping job and took a seat on the ground. “It’s an art, Cas. You can’t just wrap the paper around it and throw a bow on. You’ve gotta get the paper to the right size first, then fold it in the right places.” Dean grabbed one of the boxes from the pile and placed it on top of the paper. He furrowed his brow in concentration as he followed his own instructions, and he was aware of Cas watching him from behind. “Like….this,” Dean said. He took a piece of tape and waved it in front of Cas’s face. “Then you gotta tape it up, like this.” Dean placed the tape along the edges and flipped the box over. “And finally, you gotta put a bow on, because every kid loves a bow, right?”

“Grace’s favorite color is green,” Cas said, then threw Dean one of the emerald bows from the pile. “It will go well with the white paper.”

Dean grinned and pushed the bow onto the present, then presented it to Cas. “One present down, only fifteen to go. Wanna do the next one?”

Cas nodded and grabbed the Harry Potter books. “I think I can do it.”

Dean looked on as Cas put the present on top of the paper. When he brought up one edge and pulled it over, the sound of tearing reverberated through the living room.

“You need to lighten up a bit,” Dean replied, but Cas just looked back at him like an owl. Dean let out a sigh and moved behind Cas. “Like this,” he whispered as he reached over to put his hands on top of Cas’s.

Cas tilted his neck to look into Dean’s eyes. “Like this?” he asked as he brought one edge up to the middle, then the other.

Dean felt his breath catch as Cas glanced away from him and back down at the present. “Yeah, Cas,” Dean coughed. “You’ve got it.”

Cas’s lips turned up in a smile as he took his time on the present. When he was going at a human pace, he wasn’t half bad. Yeah, it still looked like a five year old did it, but at least it wasn’t a torn up mess like earlier.

After Dean deemed Cas worthy of wrapping duty, the two men went back to work. Cas finished up the wrapping by himself while Dean began putting ornaments on the Christmas tree. Bing Crosby crooned in the background as they went about their duties, and soon enough Cas’s living room was beginning to look like a winter wonderland. Dean helped Cas put up the stockings Meg provided, and then the two of them draped garland over the archway. They even went as far as putting fake snow on the ground, and Cas even suggested that they throw oats outside so it looked like reindeer had come the night before. All the while, the two of them talked about anything that came up. Cas went on a long rant about a coworker at his job, and Dean complained about a rude customer he had earlier in the day. They talked about families and friends, favorite TV programs and books. They got into an argument over which was better: Star Wars or Star Trek.

(“Star Wars is clearly the better franchise, Dean.”

“You’re wrong, Cas! If you ask people on the street which is better, you will get Star Trek. Always.”

“I beg to differ. Star Wars was the one setting box office records.”

“Excuse you, but you’re wrong. Star Trek is better and you know it.”)

They eventually agreed to disagree, and got into a wrapping paper fight instead.

By the time the entire living room was decorated, Dean realized that he actually liked Cas. The guy who began as a random customer had quickly come into Dean’s affections, and when they placed the last piece of decoration on the tree, Dean was actually disappointed that it was probably his cue to leave.

“I guess that’s that then,” Dean whispered as he took in the now decorated room. “Good job, Cas.”

“Thank you, Dean,” Cas replied. “I couldn’t have done it without your help. Grace is going to be so grateful tomorrow when she comes over.” He leaned forward and pulled Dean into a hug. “Thank you, really,” he muttered into Dean’s chest.

“Uh, you’re welcome, Cas,” Dean replied with a laugh. “Anytime.”

Cas let him go and grinned up at him. “You know, another person wouldn’t have done that for me. You are truly a good man, Dean Winchester.”

Dean blushed and batted Cas away. “C’mon, that’s not true. Anyone would’ve done the same.”

“No, they wouldn’t of,” Cas pushed. He pursed his lips and leaned back on his heels. “Look, Dean, you’re really wonderful, and I had a great time today. I don’t want you to leave,” Cas said while looking at the ground. “I like you a lot, and I was wondering if you would like to grab dinner with me tonight...on a date?” he asked.

Dean gaped back at Cas. Of course he wanted to, but during the day Dean was sure that his affection for Cas was one-sided. The guy was recently divorced after all, and he had Grace to think about. Besides, Dean’s luck in the romance department had always been a little...rocky, to say the least. Could it be possible that for once in his life, his feelings were reciprocated?

“Unless you don’t want to!” Cas said when Dean didn’t respond right away. “I could’ve misread this entire day and if I did, I’m incredibly sorry and you can go…”

“Cas!” Dean interrupted with a grin. “I’d love to get dinner with you.”

Cas’s face lit up like a thousand watt line of Christmas lights. “Really?”

“Yeah, Cas. Really.”

Cas looked down at his hands and smiled. “Good. I’m glad. Do you like Chinese food?” he asked.

Dean walked over and took Cas’s hand. “I love Chinese food. Let’s go.”

Now that Dean looks back on it, he’s incredibly grateful to the Charlie Brown-esque tree that brought him together with Cas. If it weren’t for that piece of foliage, he wouldn’t be curled up in bed with Cas now. He feels Cas’s breath on his neck as his husband draws constellations on his chest, fingers featherlight against Dean’s skin.

“We should go to bed,” Cas mumbles into his neck. “Meg’s dropping Grace off in the morning.”

“We’re already in bed,” Dean points out coyly, and he deserves the light nudge Cas gives him under the covers.

“You’re impossible,” Cas replies when Dean leans over to leave a kiss on his forehead.

“And yet you love me anyway,” he responds.

Cas laughs lowly, then gets up on his knees to crawl on top of Dean. “You’re right; I absolutely do,” Cas says before reaching down to leave a long, languid kiss on Dean’s lips.

The warmth that rises between them turns into a burn quite quickly, and Dean feels the moan escape his lips before he can hide it. “You’re a monster,” he mutters when Cas brushes his lips against Dean’s collarbone.

“You love it.”

Their kisses turn a bit more hungry then, and soon enough they’re falling into their familiar dance of touches. Their grip on one another gets tighter, and briefly Dean thinks about how they’re going to cover up the bite marks on their necks from Grace in the morning. That thought is quickly left behind though when Cas brushes his finger over Dean’s lips, and from then on the only thing Dean focuses on is Cas’s body on his. They work one another until they’re both reaching a crescendo, and then fall to the bed in a tangle of arms and legs.

They clean and curl up together afterwards, and Dean picks up his phone to check the time.

“Cas!” Dean yells a bit too loudly. “It’s midnight.”

Cas leans over and looks at Dean’s phone. “I guess you’re right. Merry Christmas, Dean.”

Dean pulls Cas into his arms. “Merry Christmas, Cas.”