Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

GAYGENCY

general

Today at 3:06 PM.

nothuman: 

guys i’m gonna drop out bye

kunikida:

Don’t do that.

boydetective:

He won’t!!!

Though it’s nice that you care enough to try to stop him.

kunikida:

I don’t really care that much about him. I just know Fukuzawa is his thesis advisor.

butterfly:

LMFAO TEAAAAA

Get his ass

Dazai drops out and then drops dead by fukuzawa’s hand that’s crazy

nothuman:

joke is on you guys i want to be dead!!!

alphatiger:

Yeah but you want to be dead bc of suicide I think Mr. Fukuzawa killing you would be manslaughter and not suicide

Lol

shadow.praiser:

tldr sorry that happened to u dazai or im happy for u

anyway ranpo are we gonna play overwatch or what

boydetective:

NOOOOOOO

I HATE THAT GAME

NOOOOO WHY AM I OPENING THE APPLICATION

WHY IS THE GAME BOOTING UP!!!!!

DAMN YOU JUNICHIRO!!!!!

shadow.praiser:

u know its bad when the detective cant even figure out why hes playing such a shit game

there is no hope for the rest of us /sad

alphatiger:

Can I play with you guys too please 🙁

shadow.praiser:

ofc!!

you play on console tho right?

we can just be qp warriors its fine

boydetective:

I’m one tricking dva

nothuman:

this was supposed to be about me why are they all speaking nerd

kunikida:

I cannot believe I am agreeing with you.

boydetective:

OH ACTUALLY

CAN I INVITE A FRIEND I MADE???

PLEASE??????

And in extension can i invite him to the server plsplspls

butterfly:

Yes.

nothuman:

???

who gave you executive decisions over the server???

last time i checked I MADE the server

butterfly:

You’re gonna say no to Ranpo?

nothuman:

invite your little friend po

boydetective:

Yay!!

thegoldraven just landed.

boydetective:

POE!!!!!!!!

Hi :3

thegoldraven:

hi !

it is nice to meet you all !

nothuman:

?

Lmfao no way

butterfly:

Lmao are we thinking the same thing rn?

Shadow.praiser:

hi poe!

idk if u remember me but i was the echo from like two days ago

alphatiger:

@nothuman @butterfly you guys are acting catty just say hi like a normal person :/

butterfly:

@nothuman no way the kid named “alphatiger” is telling us we’re being catty

nothuman:

gonna kms do u wanna do it together?

butterfly:

😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

I thought you would never ask 

animal_crossing:

Does anyone want to play minecraft with me :3 ?

shadow.praiser:

u should play overwatch with us instead

animal_crossing:

I’m not good at ow :(

I only play custom mercy boxing

shadow.praiser:

its just gonna be me, ranpo, poe, and atsushi in qp u dont need to be good it’s just for funsies

and we could rly use another supp

animal_crossing:

Okkkkkkk

light_finder:

KENJI U MAIN MERCY???????????

animal_crossing:

I either play her or lw :3

Light_finder:

Ik you were my fav for a reason

animal_crossing:

Omg! I feel so honored!

lovecats:

@nothuman what was the reason you’re planning to drop out?

I feel like we all moved on a little too quickly lol

nothuman:

you are the only person that cares abt me

butterfly:

Goddammit now we have to hear abt it

nothuman:

as you all may know

i have Fukuzawa as a professor

butterfly:

Groundbreaking.

nothuman:

i’ve literally done my best on all his assignments. i think despite my quirks i am a good student.

butterfly:

arguable 

nothuman:

and i have YET to get another higher than an A-.

alphatiger:

Oh

Some professors do that

Cause like an A means perfection and no one is perfect

boydetective:

Can’t relate i only get As in fukuzawa’s class

kunikida:

Lol same.

butterfly:

Oh brother you’re cooked

You just got lol’d by Kunikida.

Pack it up maybe suicide is the answer.

alphatiger:

PLEASE don’t say that it only enables him

thegoldraven:

You guys go to Yokohama University ?

boydetective:

Yes

thegoldraven:

:0 !

I am planning to transfer there !

I spoke to a professor named Fukuzawa when he visited my current university !

boydetective:

NO WAY!!!!!!

YIPPEE!!!!!!!

All of you need to get on overwatch right NEEEOWWWWWW

alphatiger:

I'm on im just waiting for u guys

Ugh hold on I have to put myself offline Akutagawa is spamming me invites

nothuman:

PAUSE!!!

butterfly:

REWIND!!!

nothuman:

Akutagawa is sending *YOU* invites?

butterfly:

Interesting.

alphatiger:

??????

Yes???

He is the only person ik that plays on console too

So we run comp sometimes

shadow.praiser:

wow cool

i guess i dunno

i dont fuck with akutagawa after his friend and naomi got into that fight

sorry but she is a c word

nothuman:

you can say cunt

shadow.praiser:

id rather not???

xX.demonsnow.Xx:

You shouldn’t say that unless you’re a woman.

butterfly:

Facts

nothuman:

I am a victim of sexism

butterfly:

YOURE LITERALLY NOT BUT OK

Cry abt it to fukuzawa maybe he’ll give that A

Just cite ur source

nothuman:

I hope you choke 😍

Chapter Text

GAYGENCY

general

Today at 7:37 PM.

nothuman:

WAIT ACTUALLY SUICIDAL

CHUUYA AND ME ARE DOING A GROUP PRESENTATION TOGETHER

IM KILLING MYSELF LIKE LOLLLLLLL

alphatiger:

Rip

nothuman:

can you pretend to care about me

butterfly:

Who’s Chuuya again?

Oh wait he’s the little short guy right lol?

Like what 4 feet tall?

nothuman:

LMFAO

HAHAHAHA

yeah bro is petite

but the presentation is our final

I hope dr. mori dies an awful death

butterfly:

HOLY SHIT

I HATE THAT CUCKER

He literally looks like a kiddie diddler

boydetective:

Well there’s the rumor that he *is* a kiddie diddler.

Kunikida:

I dont think it’s a rumor.

nothuman:

can you make your name something fun kunikida

Kunikida:

Um

Ok

I can try something

nothuman:

Thanks

doppo_poet:

How is this?

butterfly:

So close buddy! That’s your first name 🙂

nothuman:

LMFAOOOOOOOOO

alphatiger:

I like it kunikida!

doppo_poet:

Thank you Atsushi! :D

nothuman:

i hate it!

doppo_poet:

D:

animal_crossing:

Let's be nice to kunikida!

doppo_poet:

:D 

thegoldraven:

Not really enjoying we are overlooking the kiddie diddler allegation !!

That makes me nervous to transfer :( 

boydetective:

NO YOU SHOULD STILL COME TO YOKOHAMA UNI

IT’S ONE PROF THAT U PROBABLY WONT HAVE AS A PROFESSIONAL WRITING MAJOR

TRUST ME!!!

Please I need a normal friend I hate all the people in this server so much!!! 😭😭😭😭

butterfly:

You’re both named Po that’s not a normal friend

nothuman:

^^^

boydetective:

Can neither of you read??

He’s POE and I’m PO!

He has an E duh

alphatiger:

@thegoldraven you’re a pwr major?

You might be interested a club on campus called the guild

i'm only saying that bc ik that they’re losing their secretary next semester bc he's graduating :3

I’m friends with one of their members and occasionally go to their meetings it’s very chill!!

thegoldraven:

Wow thank you so much for letting me know . I will definitely look into it !

nothuman:

how are you a pwr major but put spaces before using punctuation

not being mean btw just curious

butterfly:

“Not being mean” *is being mean*

thegoldraven:

It is because i am typing on my phone and I am not good at texting .

I only have discord on my phone because Ranpo told me to download it after we met playing games online !

butterfly:

Wait that’s so cute :(

So you two met by playing overwatch? Or a different game?

thegoldraven:

no , we met on Among Us !

nothuman:

AMONG US?????

@boydetective you meeting ur bf on among us is crazy

boydetective:

We were the only ones to deduce that red and pink were the imposters like one round in lol

So I friended him because he and I were a force to be reckoned with!!

We should all play among us together.

thegoldraven:

Playing together would be so fun ! 

shadow.praiser:

yeah but among us is like dead dead

but i miss playing among us in a group

Naomi and i were pretty good at it

light_finder:

True! We were great!

nothuman:

when would you guys wanna play

i can find enough people to play like right now if needed

boydetective:

:0!!!!

CAN U PLS DAZAI PLS!!!!

nothuman:

yeah

but i’m gonna make a new server cause i don’t wanna invite them here

they’re not cool enough to be in the gaycency

butterfly:

I know that’s right!!!

among us in real life

general-chat

Today at 8:34 PM.

nothuman:

hi guys

let’s play among us

x..RASHOMON..x:

literall y a dead game

literally*

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

i love among us!!!!!!

oh.

Sorry ryu

x..RASHOMON..x:

I was just kidding

We can play

butterfly:

Awe so cute

arahabaki:

Bro was definitely not kidding lmfao

PM

butterfly aka yosano

Today at 8:52

nothuman:

DUDE I FUCKING SENT CHUUYA AN INVITE ON ACCIDENT.

butterfly:

LMFAO

That’s crazy

Now you’re doing a project with him AND among us

Hope you two don’t get imposter together hehe

nothuman:

Ugh whatever

i’ll power thru

ranpoe supremacy or whatever i guess

among us in real life

general-chat

boydetective:

KYXDRA

Join or suffer

thegoldraven:

Yay !

bookworm:

Wait, who is who?

All of you have weird names and anime profile pictures...

I don’t know who anyone is except for Dazai.

nothuman:

that's cause i'm your favorite Odasaku!

bookworm:

Yep, that's why.

arahabaki:

Nakahara Chuuya

alphatiger:

Nakajima Atsushi :D

butterfly:

Akiko Yosano

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

Akutagawa Gin

x..RASHOMON..x:

Akutagawa Ryuunosuke

doppo_poet:

Doppo Kunikida

boydetective:

Ranpo Edogawa

thegoldraven:

Edgar .

You don't know me in real life . I am just Ranpo’s friend . :)

nothuman:

wait

what

butterfly:

Do u mind dropping the full gov?

thegoldraven:

It is Edgar Allan Poe !

nothuman:

Oh my god

has ranpo been pranking us?

alphatiger:

That’d be impossible we all played overwatch together last earlier

It’s just a coincidence

He’s from the us 

Bookworm:

Wait so you’re EDGAR POE

And Ranpo is EDOGAWA RANPO

That’s insane

Dazai how do you find these people

nothuman:

not by choice

butterfly:

?

nothuman:

Babygirl you know you the exception

butterfly:

Thanks pookie 🥺

alphatiger:

EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW

shadow.praiser:

im tanizaki junichiro

but also yosano and dazai please STOP RIGHT NOW

THATS ACTUALLY SO WRONG AND VILE

arahabaki:

Aren’t you the sister fucker?

shadow.praiser:

im sorry WHAT

ME????

arahabaki:

YEAH

shadow.praiser:

NO I AM NOT???? WHAT???? THE FUCK??????

arahabaki:

I’ve literally seen you two be handsy????

shadow.praiser:

are you talking about Naomi???

arahabaki:

Is that your sister?

shadow.praiser:

yes

and no

light_finder:

We’re childhood friends

Like we grew up with each other

But we’re not blood siblings

Just metaphorical siblings

Hope this helps

Cause what the fuck 😭

arahabaki:

Oh

Sorry

I really didn’t know. I was told by people that you two were siblings

boydetective:

CAN WE JUST PLAY FUCKING AMONG US

STOP THE YAPPING AND START THE STABBING

THE LOBBY IS GONNA EXPIRE SO JOIN JOIN JOIN

thegoldraven:

I’m in!

Bookworm:

Ok i guess i’m playing among us

arahabaki:

I’m in too

nothuman:

it’s not letting me join???

boydetective:

Asia server babe

nothuman:

OH

tell me why i had it set for europe the fuck

butterfly:

LOL maybe from when u played with ur exbf 🤭

nothuman:

choke 😍

arahabaki:

lol zero chance this guy gets play

but ok

nothuman:

BRUH

Chapter Text

“The rules are simple,” Ranpo said, “we are playing the classic game. No roles like guardian angel, shapeshifter, or anything like that. Even though there’s fifteen of us, I only put two imposters. We all have to mute and deafen during the game. If you die, you’re free to unmute and talk to your other ghosts, but you can’t say anything during discussions. Everyone’s names has to be their actual name, visual tasks are off, and all voting is anonymous!”

“Sounds good,” Yosano responded, going through the options and giving herself a flower, “whoever took yellow better get off of it right now before I skin you alive.”

The colors went as follows:

Atsushi: cyan, Akutagawa: red, Dazai: brown, Chuuya: black, Yosano: yellow, Kouyou: rose, Kunikida: green, Kenji: banana, Junichiro: orange, Ranpo: maroon, Poe: tan, Naomi: pink, Gin: purple, Odasaku: gray, Tachihara: white.

On the Skeld, the group spawned around a table. Atsushi had gotten crewmate and was determined to win, but most importantly, stay alive! He always died first and he was determined to stay alive until the end this time. His first task was card swipe. Perfect! He could try to see who didn’t go and know that they were the imposter!

Too bad literally everyone was in here. It was like the virtual equivalent of sardines being packed together. Dazai had been standing at the terminal the longest, which was a little suspect but also… Dazai was just not good at card swipe. Atsushi remembers the last time they played, they all thought Dazai was the imposter because he couldn’t swipe the card. He plays on his phone allegedly.

Well, since everyone here has wires, Atsushi looked to see who was now doing them. Since he did card swipe later, by the time he got to wires it was just Kenji and Junichiro. Well, at least he could vouch for them. There’s no way one of the imposters would still be hanging around here well after most people left.

Atsushi did the wires and was left alone. Ugh. He hated when he was alone in Among Us. This is where he always dies. He was determined to see this through!

He went back to admin and luckily Dazai was still there. Did he have any tasks? No, but he would once he did upload. Should he risk it? Or should he wait for Dazai? No, he couldn’t. Dazai would think he’s the imposter. Atsushi went to the admin table to see how many were in what room. No one was in navigation, but there were a bunch of people in reactor and electrical. He had wires in electrical. He sighed and closed it, heading out and walked towards electrical.

Bullhorn?! Shit! Someone died! Immediately, he reported it. The sound of people unmuting rang in his headphones.

“I found Kunikida dead in storage,” Atsushi said. RIP Kunikida. “I just left admin and Dazai has been in admin the whole time, so I don’t think it was him. I don’t know who else it could be, but I will say I think Junichiro and Kenji are safe.”

“Interesting,” Ranpo said, “well, where was everyone?”

“Ryuu and I were in navigation together,” Gin said. Atsushi’s eyes widened.

“That can’t be true, I just checked the admin table and no one was in there.”

“We just got there. He just did weapons and I have the download task in navigation,” Gin said.

“We’re just following each other around. I know Gin isn’t the imposter,” Akutagawa said.

“Can she say the same about you?” Dazai asked smugly.

“Yes,” Akutagawa responded, sounding annoyed, but that was just Dazai’s effect on people. “Visual tasks aren’t on, but the taskbar is. She saw the taskbar move when I was finished with weapons.”

“Someone could have finished a task at the same time,” Junichiro said, “but I don’t think they did it. They weren’t close enough. Just don’t write off either of them for being an imposter.”

“Atsushi, was it you?” Kenji asked, “because you were in storage with Junichiro and I, then left, only to come back to find the body. Was this a self-report?”

“No, I followed him out. He found the body,” Dazai said. Atsushi felt a bit embarrassed for not realizing that Dazai followed him out, but whatever. “Where was everyone else—other than the Akutagawas?”

“I was in electrical with Yosano and Kouyou,” Oda said, “I’m doing the stupid circle one.”

“The what?” Poe asked.

“Calibrator,” Junichiro said, “and I was in reactor with Naomi, Kenji, and Chuuya.”

“I’ll pay someone 3,000 yen to do this stupid simon says task,” Chuuya grumbled.

“Worrying that you have dogshit memory when we need to do a memorized presentation, but okay, moving on,” Dazai said, “Ranpo and Poe, where were you two?”

“We were in medbay,” Ranpo said, “he and I both have scans so I can vouch for him and he can vouch for me that neither of us are the imposter.”

“Or you both could be the imposter,” Kenji said, almost way too upbeat.

“No,” Poe said, “if we were both the imposter, the game would’ve been over by now.”

Gagged, okay, tea. “Do you guys have any idea who the imposter could be?” Atsushi asked.

“I have an idea, do you, Poe?” Ranpo asked. For them only meeting recently, they seemed to have grown super close already.

“I have my speculations…” Poe said, “though I’d rather vote to skip. Any other crewmate and we run the risk losing means an easier game for the imposter.”

“Good point!” Ranpo exclaimed, “but since I know you’re a crewmate and you know I’m a crewmate, I’m gonna dm you who I think it is.”

“Isn’t that cheating?” Kouyou asked. Atsushi honestly had no idea who this girl was in real life, but she sounded very nice!

“No, it’d be cheating if I was dead Kunikida and telling Poe who the imposter was, but I’m not so I won’t be. I’m giving him who I speculate because I’m absolutely sure it’s the same, I just want to make sure we’re on the same page… duh!” Ranpo responded.

“There’s no point in arguing with him,” Yosano said. She paused. “Wait, what about Tachihara?”

“What about me?” He asked.

“Where were you?”

“Shields. I also have scan in case anyone else has it,” he said.

“I… I don’t know if I have that or not,” Odasaku said, “I don’t even know my tasks. I’m just going to anything that glows yellow.”

“Oh, dude, there’s a drop tab menu that shows you your tasks,” Dazai said, “anyway, we’re running out of discussion time. Are we voting for anyone? It needs to be a majority vote.”

“I say skip,” Poe said, “all we have is speculation.”

Everyone voted and Atsushi found it interesting that two people voted for Gin, one person voted for Odasaku, and three people voted for Dazai. Whatever, the rest voted to skip.

Back around the table, Atsushi followed Tachihara, Yosano, and Odasaku into medbay to see if any of them had scan. Odasaku had just gotten onto medscan when the lights flicked off. Atsushi went to leave, considering the vent from medbay to electrical, but the medbay doors were closed! Oh no! He’s never going to make it to the end of a game!

Before he could report anything, Odasaku reported.

“Um…” he began, “oh what the fuck, two died?”

It must’ve been a double kill with the imposters, using the vent between electrical and medbay!

“So, Yosano and Tachihara are dead and they died in medbay. I dunno, the lights were off, but there were four of us.”

“Oh, so clearly, it was you and whoever was with you,” Kouyou stated.

“It couldn’t have been me!” Atsushi exclaimed, “I’m a crewmate!”

“Yeah, Atsushi isn’t an imposter, so that means someone needed to come in through the vent,” Kenji said.

“I’m not the imposter either though,” Odasaku said, “I was doing the scan thingy.”

“He was,” Atsushi said, “maybe the two imposters were in electrical? And used the vent?”

“Well, where was everyone?” Dazai asked.

“I was in navigation with Gin,” Akutagawa said.

“That’s not true.” Kouyou asked, “I went to navigation and up to you, Gin wasn’t there.”

“We were trying to bait the imposter into killing us, so we were stacked.”

“I don’t know what that means,” Odasaku said.

“Stacking is when two players stand directly on top of each other so it only looks like one person,” Poe explained, “so if someone were to kill Akutagawa, his sister could report it and know who killed him. It’s just a trick.”

“I see,” Odasaku replied, “this game is very weird. Not a fan.”

“I like it,” Ranpo stated, “anyway, where was everyone else?”

“I was going to electrical with Kenji,” Junichiro said.

“Was in admin, doing card swipe,” Dazai said,

“Just give up!” Chuuya exclaimed.

“Never!”

“I was in security,” Chuuya said, ignoring Dazai.

“I was in reactor,” Naomi said.

“I had just got to the lights,” Poe said, “I didn’t get to fix them yet though.”

“Okay, and I was doing download in comms,” Ranpo said, “Odasaku and Atsushi, what did you guys see in medbay?”

“Nothing, the lights were off,” Odasaku said, “all I could see was the report button.”

“Same,” Atsushi said, “the imposters must have vented in because Odasaku was doing scan.”

“Interesting…” Ranpo responded, “well, I think it’s time for another skip!”

Everyone voted and Odasaku received two votes, but the rest voted to skip. Poor Odasaku. He didn’t know how to play and he was getting too many votes.

Again, surrounding the table, Atsushi looked at who remained. It was himself, Dazai, Chuuya, Kouyou, Gin, Akutagawa, Ranpo, Poe, Junichiro, Kenji, Odasaku, and Naomi. He decided to follow Junichiro, knowing for a fact that he was a crewmate. He figured Junichiro trusted Atsushi, since the two ran in circles in front of each other, a common sign of camaraderie in Among Us. He had tasks in electrical, but he was just going to follow Junichiro around as he did his tasks and then hoped Junichiro would do the same for him when he finished. It didn’t help that Ranpo assigned a shit ton of tasks. 

Oxygen went off and the doors to the lower engine shut, leaving Junichiro and Atsushi to have to go up and over rather than over and up to get to one of the oxygen tanks. As they hit the cafeteria, they saw Kouyou’s body. Junichiro reported it. When the screen popped up, it revealed that not only was Kouyou dead, but so was Chuuya and Kenji.

“Kouyou is dead in cafeteria, near the vent,” Junichiro said, “I don’t know where the other two died, but I can vouch for Atsushi. He has been with me the whole time.”

“It’s really interesting that Atsushi has been by literally every single murder,” Dazai stated simply.

“Well, it’s not like I chose for that to happen!” Atsushi said.

“He’s messing with you,” Gin said.

“Awe, don’t expose me with such a cute voice!” Dazai exclaimed.

“Whoever the imposter is, please kill Dazai next,” Akutagawa said, voice close to the mic.

“Unfortunately, that won’t be happening,” Poe said, “I know who both the imposters are.”

“Finally!” Ranpo said, “I’ve had it figured out since round two! I’ve been waiting for you to catch up, Poe.”

“Well, who are they?” Dazai asked.

“It’s Odasaku and Gin,” Poe said.

“It literally can’t because I’ve been with Gin all game and furry fucker saw Odasaku scan,” Akutagawa stated.

“Furry fucker?!” Atsushi exclaimed. Man, c’mon!

“You’ve been vouching for Gin, but you’ve known from the start she was the imposter,” Ranpo said, “and Odasaku’s scan had been done when the lights went off, so there’s no way to confirm he actually did it. He’s also been lying about being bad to the game, considering he was the one that turned off the lights and closed the doors so Gin could vent into medbay and you two could double kill Yosano and Tachihara.”

Odasaku sighed. “You got me,” he said, “this game isn’t very fun with two detectives playing. Three, if Dazai counts, even though I know he hasn’t done card swipe yet.”

“My hands shake too much and it either makes the swipe too fast or too slow,” Dazai said in his own defense. “I have a benign tremor guys. That's why my handwriting looks the way it does.”

He did it! He had finally made it to the end of a game without dying!

“So, are we going to vote off Odasaku first and then Gin?” Atsushi asked.

“Yeah, that seems about right,” Ranpo said.

Then, everyone voted for Odasaku, while two voted for Gin—whatever. He’s voted off and while Ranpo had imposter verification off, it didn’t matter.

“Well, if I’m going to die anyway,” Gin began. No one bothered to mute since the game was essentially over. She took it upon herself to KILL ATSUSHI.

“Why?!” Atsushi yelled. She laughed and so did Akutagawa. Both of them were so evil!

“Ryuu told me that there cannot be a game of Among Us where you live to see the end… sorry!” She exclaimed.

“That’s rough,” Kunikida said, gracing the call with his voice. As the first dead, he had to live with the information of knowing the killer just to watch the rest of them figure it out. Whatever. At least everyone already knew. It could be argued that Atsushi made it to the end of the game alive, anyway!

“Should we play again?” Ranpo asked, voice giddy.

Unfortunately for him, he was met with a unanimous, “no! ”

Chapter Text

YokoHomos

general-chat

Today at 1:07 AM.

arahabaki:

Guys I don't want to do this project with Dazai any advice

x..RASHOMON..x:

Drop out

Natnatsuko:

Drop out lol

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

Gonna have to hit you with a ddddddrop out

goldendemon:

Dazai is pretty smart. You should be fine. Being a part of group projects is normal in university, so you need to get over the fact that you don’t like him and focus on completing the project. When you’re done, you won’t have to work with him again and wake us all up at one in the morning.

blcklzrd:

he could also just drop out!

bye bye chuchu

arahabaki:

Thanks for the advice Kouyou.

I hope the rest of you choke

x..RASHOMON..x:

it’s not that hard to work w people you don’t like tho

i work with nakajima all the time we’re lab partners in bio

you two will have a common goal i don’t think he wants to fail

so get over it. at least he’s competent. i can’t even give nakajima that much credit

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

He played among us very well!

x..RASHOMON..x:

that’s about it for the things he’s good at doing.

natnatsuko:

Doesn’t Dazai have a really good GPA?

I saw him at the recent honors ceremony 

arahabaki:

This has NOTHING to do with his gpa and everything to do with the fact I HATE him

goldendemon:

Why?

arahabaki:

He’s an asshole.

We went to high school together

He’s a piece of shit

blcklzrd:

High school was sooooo long ago for you

You’re like ancient lol

arahabaki:

I WILL KILL YOU.

goldendemon:

Well, there’s nothing you can do about it right now. You’re better off going to sleep and dealing with it tomorrow.

arahabaki:

Thanks for being a voice of reason

GAYGENCY

general

Today at 1:07 AM.

nothuman:

can’t sleep

just thinking about how much i hate that little slug and how much i don't want to be his project partner

dr. mori count your days

thegoldraven:

Is the "little slug" Chuuya from Among Us ?

nothuman:

poe!! what are you doing still up!!

thegoldraven:

It is about 12PM for me .

You all are in a different time zone than me .

boydetective:

Not for long though!!!

When you come here next semester we’ll be able to hang out all day everyday and not worry about silly time zones!!! :3

thegoldraven:

I am very excited !

I was accepted and everything already . I am looking into housing arrangements for when I get there . I am hoping that it will be an easy transition .

boydetective:

You can live with me!

butterfly:

Fukuzawa won’t be happy with you taking in strays Ranpo

thegoldraven:

Thank you for the offering but I am bringing Karl with me , I don’t wish to burden you with him .

alphatiger:

Karl?

thegoldraven:

My pet raccoon ! :D

alphatiger:

A PET RACCOON????

That’s so sick

I wish I had a pet :\

I want a cat hehe

butterfly:

Ofc the tiger boy wants a cat

Furry‼️

alphatiger:

FURRY⁉️

Kill yourself 🥰

boydetective:

Poepoe

Can you send a pic of karl pls :3

I wanna see him!!

thegoldraven:

Sure !

[photo of Karl]

boydetective:

MY BOY!!!

Tell Karl his fav person says hi :3

alphatiger : Kill yourself 🥰

nothuman:

y’all talking suicide without me????

and how do you have a pet raccoon

also koko check your dms

butterfly:

Currently responding

You make it seem like I neglect my pookie poo poo bear :(

boydetective:

????

But I’M your pookie poo poo bear?

What the fuck???

PM

butterfly aka yosano

Today at 1:18 AM

nothuman:

are those two…

yk…

💅

?

butterfly:

I don’t know and I kind of don’t wanna ask

Aren’t you in like second place in terms of detective work

Figure it out and lmk wtf bitch

Relying on me as if I’m Nancy Drew is CRAZY

WAIT RANPO JUST SENT ME A DM…

DAZAI

NO WAY LMFAO

HOLY FUCK

DUDE

[screenshot of Ranpo and Yosano’s DMs]

nothuman:

that’s insane.

PM

boydetective aka Ranpo!!

Today at 1:17 AM

boydetective:

Tell Dazai that he can speculate all he wants about my business

But he needs to be way more discreet about it.

butterfly:

Wym?

boydetective:

Telling you to check your dms?

It’s not as innocent as it seems

I don’t mind the speculation, in fact, I welcome it

I’m just insulted he’d do it so blatantly in my face

And think I wouldn’t catch on.

Tell him that he owes me a whole bag of candy to make it up to me! :3!

butterfly:

LMFAO

I’ll let him know ranpo

PM

butterfly aka yosano

nothuman:

I asked a very innocent question

I think he’s defensive about it

What does poe look like

butterfly:

I have no idea actually

Do you think Ranpo knows what he looks like?

Should i ask

nothuman:

this is why you’re my best friend

you ask the questions i want to know the answer to

GAYGENCY

general

Today at 1:25 AM

butterfly:

@thegoldraven what you look like

boydetective:

WHAT

Stop bothering Poe

He’s busy

And @thegoldraven DON’T SHOW HER WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE

thegoldraven:

I didn’t plan to .

You can see what I look like next semester . 

butterfly:

Welp I tried @nothuman

nothuman:

not you exposing me!!!

boydetective:

That’s two bags of candy now, you bastard!!

thegoldraven:

I am so confused …

alphatiger:

Yeah they have that effect on people

Chapter Text

GAYGENCY

general

Today at 10:53 AM

alphatiger:

Guys I fell down the stairs in the edu building

Some girl recorded it and put it on yikyak

shadow.praiser:

and i did upvote it

sorry atsushi

alphatiger:

DUDE

WOULD IT KILL U TO BE NICE TO ME?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!

nothuman:

WAIT THAT VIDEO IS YOU??????

LMFAO DMING THE PERSON WHO POSTED IT RN

I NEED IT SAVED

alphatiger:

STOP?!?!?!?!

doppo_poet:

Atsushi, I hope you’re okay.

alphatiger:

Thank you Kunikida

nothuman:

don’t thank him he literally just dmed me for the video lollllll

doppo_poet:

SHUT UP DAZAI

alphatiger:

Wow.

It really be the people closest to you that betray you.

This reminds me of my time at the orphanage…

butterfly:

Christ not the orphanage 😭

animal_crossing:

Guys!!!!!!

I downloaded this super fun game!!!!

It’s called Pokémon Go!!

boydetective:

That’s been around for like a hot minute

Did you just hear of it

animal_crossing:

Yes! I have been playing all day long!!

Does anyone want to play with me???

light_finder:

YES

YES

KENJI YES!!!!

shadow.praiser:

kenji has found naomis guilty pleasure lol

alphatiger:

I haven’t played in so long but I can redownload it if you guys want another person to play

boydetective:

I prefer playing the games on switch

shadow.praiser:

same

i just finished the first part of s/v dlc

kieran is a whole bitch sorry ogerpon wants me

nothuman:

kunikida they’re speaking nerd again :( !!!

fix it!!

doppo_poet:

They’re allowed to have interests, Dazai.

nothuman:

not in general they can’t

GAYGENCY

nerd-shit

Today at 11:01 AM

nothuman:

use this chat to be lame

animal_crossing:

So shouldn’t there be a separate channel for you when you talk about committing suicide?

Considering that’s also lame? :0

nothuman:

KENJI?????

alphatiger:

LMFAOOOOOOOOOO

What’s funnier is that he’s actually being genuine

light_finder:

The way that wasn’t a read but was a read

doppo_poet:

And it was deserved.

nothuman:

KUNIKIDA????

animal_crossing:

Are we going to Pokémon go or what!!!!

thegoldraven:

Pokémon Go … to the polls …

butterfly:

What

thegoldraven:

Oh , I'm sorry . I forgot you guys are not American .

boydetective:

WAIT LMFAO

DIDN’T THAT HAPPEN RIGHT WHEN THE GAME CAME OUT????

What politician said that

thegoldraven:

Hillary Clinton

boydetective:

The “I’m just chillin… in Cedar Rapids” lady?

thegoldraven:

Yes !

shadow.praiser:

you know a lot about american politicians dude

boydetective:

Yeah because they’re all brain dead lollllll

thegoldraven:

Haha , yes .

I also have Pokémon Go if anyone wants my friend code , I obviously just can’t play it with you all today .

boydetective:

GIVE IT TO ME FIRST!!!!!!

thegoldraven:

Of course Ranpo ! :) 

alphatiger:

I’ll send you mine poe!!

PM

nothuman also dazai :p

Today at 11:30 AM.

alphatiger:

Dazai question

nothuman:

wassup

alphatiger:

Are Poe and Po…

Yk…

💅?

nothuman:

I ASKED YOSANO

AND RANPO DMED HER AND WAS LIKE

TELL DAZAI TO MIND HIS BUSINESS

alphatiger:

HAH

Deserved

But now I’m scared

This convo never happened

nothuman:

no need to say that twice

but i will say this—

Ranpo never denied it when i said him meeting his “bf” in among us was crazy

so either out little po has a crush 🤗

or he doesn’t know how to read :p

who knows

alphatiger:

But they haven’t really known each other long

nothuman:

probably why ranpo isn’t saying anything

he can be pretty direct

but since they just met, he probably just likes talking to poe

also i don’t think that ranpo knows what he looks like

he’s american so probs ugly lmfao

alphatiger:

DAZAI???????

nothuman:

I'M KIDDING

but he is really awkward to talk to

also the way he types irks me

it actually takes more effort to add a space and then a period

JUST PUT THE PERIOD AFTER THE LAST LETTER OF THE LAST WORD

THE SPACE IS NOT NEEDED

alphatiger:

You’re a really interesting individual

nothuman:

thanks, my exbf said the same thing 👍

alphatiger:

Don’t make me feel bad

I’ll talk about the orphanage again.

nothuman:

HOLY FUCK

SPARE ME

I WAS JK BEFORE OK

NO MORE ORPHANAGE I GET IT

I GET THAT YOU HAVE LORE

GAYGENCY

nerd-shit

Today at 11:36 AM

boydetective:

I’ll play pokemon go next semester when Poe comes to campus :3

thegoldraven:

Surely , you don’t need to wait for me to play ! You should all go have fun together !!

boydetective:

Ermmmmm yeah no I’m okay but thanks

butterfly:

I never really got into Pokémon

I think some of them are cute though

nothuman:

eevee is the best one though, obviously

alphatiger:

Pyroar*

nothuman:

imagine being wrong lol crazy

boydetective:

Imagine thinking any Pokémon that isn’t alcremie is best

animal_crossing:

I like Torterra!

Haha, he’s a tor-terror when I play him!

doppo_poet:

I genuinely have no idea what any of you are saying.

nothuman:

i can’t have all of you disagreeing with me like this

brb 

among us in real life

general-chat

Today at 11:41 AM

nothuman:

name the best pokémon in ur opinion

rn

x..RASHOMON..x:

darkrai

x..SPIDERTHREAD..x:

Lucario

goldendemon:

I don’t know Pokémon well

I like the pink round one that’s in smash

nothuman:

Jigglypuff?

goldendemon:

Yes!!!

blcklzrd:

Salazzle obviously lol

arahabki:

Eevee what the fuck

Are you guys high

bookworm:

Eevee is such a basic answer

arahabaki:

And who were you gonna say???

bookworm:

…

Pikachu…

arahabaki:

LITERALLY BE QUIET

light_finder:

Can my answer be like a little niche

nothuman:

girl it’s pokémon how niche can it be

shadow.praiser:

watch it dazai

light_finder:

I like the lake guardians the most!

Mespirit, Uxie, and Azelf!!

boydetective:

I said Alcremie

thegoldraven:

I like Zigzagoon or Murkrow :)

boydetective:

Good choices!!

nothuman:

can’t believe i’m saying this but

chuuya is right.

arahabaki:

Wow I can’t believe we’re agreeing on something

It hurts to know that so many people here can’t see the light

x..RASHOMON..x:

eevee is a basic answer

and a safe one

which eeveelution is the best one? surely you two won’t have the same answer

nothuman:

leafeon

arahabaki:

Espeon

x..RASHOMON..x:

and there we have it

arahabaki:

Leafeon literally sucks

nothuman:

LMFAO no?? has the highest base defense stat out of all the eeveelutions

also if picking eevee is a basic answer, picking espeon is even more basic

alphatiger:

I’m just relieved neither of them picked Vaporeon…

arahabaki:

I was going to say Vaporeon, but you know…

nothuman:

vaporeon is good but the copy pasta is horrendous

thegoldraven:

The copy pasta … ?

boydetective:

DAZAI, CHUUYA, DO NOT !!!!!!!!

arahabaki:

TOO LATE IM SENDING IT

boydetective:

NOOOOOOOOOOO

Chapter Text

PM

x..RASHOMON..x also Ryuunosuke

Today at 3:08 PM

alphatiger:

Hey what did you get for number 3 on the lab?

Sorry I’m confused

x..RASHOMON..x:

have you considered doing your own work?

alphatiger:

Man... c'mon

You’re supposed to help me as my lab partner :|

x..RASHOMON..x:

dont call me man 

and i dont remember agreeing to that

alphatiger:

Fine don’t help me then

I’ll just ask Tachihara

x..RASHOMON..x:

lol as if he’d know

alphatiger:

Oh I’m aware

But we’re graded together so every answer I get wrong affects you too

:3c

x..RASHOMON..x:

ugh

ok

[picture of lab]

this is what I got

alphatiger:

Sickkkkk

But you got 2 wrong

Do you want me to send my sheet?

x..RASHOMON..x:

you can

but two is right

alphatiger:

Nope

I talked to the professor about two

x..RASHOMON..x:

then why didnt you ask about 3?!?!?!?!

alphatiger:

BECAUSE I HADN’T GOT TO THREE YET???

Duhhhhh

x..RASHOMON..x:

oh my god jinko.

i need you dead so bad

alphatiger:

FOR WHAT????

among us in real life

general-chat

Today at 3:29PM

alphatiger:

Akutagawa just said he wants me dead

Everyone boo him

nothuman:

i have a vid of atsushi falling down the stairs i can send you for like $20

x..RASHOMON..x:

wait

is that the video from yikyak?

THAT WAS HIM? LOL

nothuman:

lmfao yeah it was him

shadow.praiser:

atsushi my beloved…. ill never let these bullies get you…

alphatiger:

Junichiro respectfully stfu

You upvoted my literal downfall

shadow.praiser:

and unfortunately id do it again

sorry baby girl nothing against you

arahabaki:

Bro needs new friends asap…

alphatiger:

I’m accepting applications

thegoldraven:

I’ll apply !

alphatiger:

:D !!

boydetective:

No you won’t

thegoldraven:

I can’t apply !

alphatiger:

D: !!

doppo_poet:

Don’t let Ranpo bully you, Poe, you are able to do whatever you want.

boydetective:

No he can’t

Not without me

arahabaki:

Possessive much

boydetective:

And what about it?

x..RASHOMON..x:

@alphatiger were not friends 

alphatiger:

I never said that we were :(

nothuman:

you guys are BEST friends!

x..RASHOMON..x:

youre supposed to be the suicidal one, dont try to make me suicidal too

butterfly:

?

Oh

Atsushi I’ll apply to be your friend :)

alphatiger:

Really?!?!?

butterfly:

Yeah I feel bad that no one is jumping on the chance

I’ll befriend you out of a pity

alphatiger:

Reminds me of the orphanage…

arahabaki:

Reminds you of the what??

alphatiger:

LMFAO NVM NVM

IT WAS JUST AN INSIDE JOKE

butterfly:

Yeah dw abt it chuuya

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

Sorry i was in class but atsushi i will be your friend (:

alphatiger:

… deadass?

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

Yes!

We have many of the same classes together!

And you are very smart and active in those classes!

x..RASHOMON..x:

HUH??

Gin u cant be serious

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

You told me to make more friends

x..RASHOMON..x:

yeah but not with him :[

alphatiger:

UMMMM i think she can make her own decisions

x..RASHOMON..x:

i will end u.

nothuman:

atsushi, i’ll be your friend.

alphatiger:

No thanks.

nothuman:

?!?!?!?!?

animal_crossing:

Sorry I was also in class but Atsushi I will be your friend too!!!

We played Pokémon go earlier I can’t not have you be one of my best friends!

alphatiger:

🥹

Man I could cry

x..RASHOMON..x:

pussy

alphatiger:

Well you are what you eat

Can’t say you can relate

butterfly:

ATSUSHI?!?!?!?!

LMFAO

Insane

xX.demonsnow.Xx:

:0

Wow

Deserved but wow

alphatiger:

KYOUKA???

Hi

xX.demonsnow.Xx:

What server is this

I got the invite yesterday but I didn’t wanna talk bc the name is stupid

animal_crossing:

It’s for when we play Among Us!

xX.demonsnow.Xx:

Oh

I like Sims 4 better

animal_crossing:

I LOVE SIMS 4!!!!

COTTAGE LIVING CHANGED MY LIFE

boydetective:

Ugh I want the sims but i don’t have the money for the packs/kits

I think CC and mods are too annoying to download and redownload all the time when they break

thegoldraven:

:0

I can buy them all for you !

boydetective:

NOOOOOO they’re really expensive poe

Like i have the base game (it’s free) but the expansion/game/stuff packs and the kits are crazy

$599.85USD is how much all the expansion packs are

$239.88USD for game packs 

$199.80USD for the stuff packs

$144.71USD for the kits

That’s $1,184.24USD king

thegoldraven:

Yeah I know .

I have the sims .

Would you just want to share my account with me ?

xX.demonsnow.Xx:

CAN YOU SHARE IT WITH ME???

boydetective:

????

WAIT U HAVE ALL OF THE PACKS???

thegoldraven:

Yes !

boydetective:

Lmfao you rich or smth???

thegoldraven:

I wouldn’t say rich , I’d say well off .

boydetective:

Oh ok so you’re actually rich fr

nothuman:

damn ranpo got that sugar daddy on speed dial

boydetective:

Now I feel silly only ask for some American candy

When I should’ve asked for ALL OF IT

thegoldraven:

Haha , I will get you a lot so don’t worry !

nothuman:

and what about the rest of us?

boydetective:

Dazai you can choke idgaf he’s MY friend I befriended him FIRST

So I get dibs and prioritized. You can get my leftovers.

thegoldraven:

Okay ! I think we are getting a bit carried away .

doppo_poet:

Poe, isn’t it about 4 in the morning for you?

thegoldraven:

Yes .

But I have been up writing all night long , time has slipped away from me .

boydetective:

WHAT ARE YOU WRITING????

ANOTHER MYSTERY?????

thegoldraven:

I am writing a short story . :) 

I have another mystery in the works , but I’m trying to write one where you don’t figure it out in two seconds of reading … so I am procrastinating by writing this .

boydetective:

What is the one you’re writing now called???

thegoldraven:

“Ligeia”

boydetective:

Can I read it anyway

thegoldraven:

I’m a little embarrassed !!!

It’s not a mystery , it’s a gothic piece …

It’s also not done yet .

nothuman:

give us the first paragraph

boydetective:

Who is us, hoe???

GIVE IT TO ME

alphatiger:

It’s not fair that you get to hog Poe just because you met him first

We ALL want to be friends with him

shadow.praiser:

yeah! anyway ive played with just poe before without you ranpo you dont own him

butterfly:

Guys relax

Who’s to say Poe wants anyone here other than Ranpo to read his stuff anyway

arahabaki:

I feel like this convo isn’t for like the rest of us

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

Well… I kind of want to read it…

The title alone sounds cool and I like gothic stuff…

Dr. Shelley wrote a gothic horror novel about a monster and it’s so good

So I kind of want to read other gothic stuff…

x..RASHOMON..x:

let her read it

boydetective:

LEAVE HIM ALONE???

bookworm:

Hi.

I like to read.

If you need anyone to proofread or just give you feedback, I am here.

I’m a literature major.

doppo_poet:

Like you Poe, I’m also a professional writing major.

So, I am here to help too if you need it.

We might as well get to know each other since we will probably be in many of the same classes together. :) 

boydetective:

Call me Olivia Rodrigo because jealousy jealousy

butterfly:

Ok sabrina carpenter no need to get vicious

nothuman:

espresso!

arahabaki:

Dazai what the fuck 😭😭😭😭

alphatiger:

FEATHER!!

x..RASHOMON..x:

u tried.

nothuman:

i don't know

i don’t listen to her

or the other girl

i just know espresso because yosano listens to sabrina

and hella chappell roan

butterfly:

And what about it

nothuman:

girl relax

i was answering a question

butterfly:

Clearly it was rhetorical

nothuman:

ok and?

i felt like answering

the desire to yap is strong within me

butterfly:

I’m unfortunately so well aware

That’s why ur ex broke up with u hehehe

nothuman:

??!?!!?!

FALSE

I BROKE UP WITH HIM

he still want me too

crazy

doppo_poet:

We don’t need to know your business like this.

nothuman: 

you’re just mad i moved on from him by cucking you

goldendemon:

I’ve been ignoring this chat because everything you all talk about is useless, but what?

What do you mean you “cucked” Kunikida?

doppo_poet:

Ok first and foremost, I was not cucked by Dazai.

We happened to both like the same girl at the same time and he was able to date her.

That’s all.

alphatiger:

Damn 

Kunikida got cucked :\

butterfly:

There has to be more to that story

Why would anyone pick Dazai over Kunikida?

Not being mean, but being realistic.

nothuman:

?!

WOULD LOVE TO KNOW THE THOUGHT PROCESS ON THAT?

boydetective:

I’ll explain it.

Kunikida is clearly the more responsible one and he has the most potential to have the relationship end in marriage. Dazai wants to kill himself and probably won’t stay alive long enough to marry. Most people date to marry (no shame if you don’t, but that’s the eventual end goal most people desire). Kunikida also has his whole life planned out to a T, whereas Dazai’s future is undetermined. To pick Dazai over Kunikida means that the person isn’t serious about being in a relationship and picked the conventionally prettier and more fun option. In this essay, I will…

doppo_poet:

Wow.

nothuman:

the kunikida glazing is kind of crazy

doppo_poet:

HOW WAS I BEING GLAZED???

I GOT CALLED UGLY AND BORING???

boydetective:

WOAH I DID NOT SAY YOU WERE UGLY AND BORING!!!

In comparison to Dazai, yeah you a little ugly and boring

BUT THAT’S ONLY IN COMPARISON TO HIM

IF IT WERE YOU AND AKUTAGAWA, CLEARLY YOU’RE THE BEST CHOICE IN BOTH ASPECTS

x..RASHOMON..x:

HELP???

WHY AM I BEING DRAGGED INTO THIS???

boydetective:

You don’t (assumingly) want to kill yourself, but you’re ghostly pale, always coughing, and honestly? Have a bad personality.

x..RASHOMON..x:

I HAVE A CHRONIC ILLNESS???

boydetective:

Okay and you chronically have 0 bitches who wants to be read next!!

alphatiger:

Ranpo 😭

butterfly:

Me

boydetective:

People can’t handle perfection. That’s it.

butterfly:

I KNOW THAT’S RIGHT

Doppo_poet:

GLAZING YOSANO IS INSANE.

boydetective:

I’M NOT GLAZING

LOOK I’LL DO ATSUSHI

alphatiger:

NO I AM OK!!!!

boydetective:

While Atsushi is very nice and welcoming, he has deep rooted insecurities and issues with abandonment that would make him too reliant and clingy upon his partner. With that in mind, he doesn’t even put himself out there to even be considered a viable option to date. He’s the type of person that would need to be asked out instead of asking out another, which is something he wouldn’t do. Also, his bangs are super fucked.

alphatiger:

Ok so first and foremost, I like my bangs

Second? You ain’t wrong

arahabaki:

Don’t do me I already know what you’re gonna say

boydetective:

Really?

arahabaki:

Yeah

boydetective:

Say it then we can say it together.

arahabaki:

Ugh

I’m short

boydetective:

160cm (5ft3in)

arahabaki:

HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT SPECIFICALLY????

And why did you convert it into feet

boydetective:

So Poe could know how short you are

They don’t use the metric system in America silly

animal_crossing:

Do me! Do me!

You’re like Queen Charlotte in Bridgerton picking the diamond of the season haha!!

nothuman:

you've read bridgerton??

animal_crossing:

No, but I watched the show! With Yosano!

boydetective:

If you actually wanted to date someone and asked them out, I’m pretty sure it’d work out for you.

You’re not ugly and you’re nice.

animal_crossing:

Wow! Thanks Ranpo!

boydetective:

I’m done doing these now catch me at a later date

thegoldraven:

Awe , I wanted a turn . :( 

nothuman:

👀❓

butterfly:

🤨❗

boydetective:

My services will now only be done in dms and for monetary compensation

goldendemon:

Dming you rn

boydetective:

No need I can just tell you for free because it’s very simple; you’re very pretty and it intimidates other people.

Have you considered being ugly?

goldendemon:

Oh! I could give it a try.

butterfly:

I doubt you’d succeed queen…

Chapter Text

GAYGENCY

vent-channel

Today at 6:43 PM

alphatiger:

People that so blatantly exclude you are the worst type of people.

Like genuinely what the fuck

boydetective:

Are you good?

alphatiger:

Like yes and no

Idk

I’m just annoyed I guess.

I have no problem with people making plans with other people without me, but don’t do it directly in my face.

Or for fuck’s sake don’t say like “oh we have to do XYZ” and look directly at someone else to make sure I know I’m not a part of that we

Like I understand I am excluded

You don’t need to remind me that you like Person A over me, it’s clear from your actions alone no need to use your words too

nothuman:

who are you having problems with?

alphatiger:

I don’t want to name drop and start problems

I just wanted to let my feelings on it be known

I don’t need to be liked over one person or whatever I just want to be respected enough you don’t make it so obvious

boydetective:

It’s not anyone in this server right?

alphatiger:

Nope 

No one here

You guys are in the clear

I know that you guys like me just enough to not do that

butterfly:

“Like you enough” is crazy 😭

But we actually don’t like you Atsushi

We LOVEEEE YOU POOKIE

alphatiger:

Thanks 🥲

xX.demonsnow.Xx:

You know you’re my favorite person sush

alphatiger:

I know

You’re mine too

nothuman:

ummmmmmm wrong

your fav person is me?

hahahahahaha 

alphatiger:

Ummmmmmm

Pleading the fifth

butterfly:

Quick everyone name your favorite person

doppo_poet:

Guys… do not do that.

It will only cause problems.

boydetective:

Afraid no one will pick you? >:3c

doppo_poet:

No, I’m afraid of someone not being picked.

butterfly:

Like yourself?

doppo_poet:

Genuinely couldn’t care less if someone picked me out not.

I want to ensure, however, that everyone in here doesn’t get their feelings hurt.

God, I feel like I’m talking to middle schoolers.

xX.demonsnow.Xx:

Atsushi is my favorite

butterfly:

We know

alphatiger:

Kyouka

butterfly:

We know

animal_crossing:

Kunikida!

butterfly:

Interesting choice

shadow.praiser:

Naomi

light_finder:

Junichiro!

nothuman:

that's not helping with the rumors

shadow.praiser:

KYS 😭

boydetective:

Eddie!

nothuman:

Eddie?

boydetective:

Poe

butterfly:

Y’all are on a first name basis??

boydetective:

Americans are always on a first name basis

But you guys don’t get to call him eddie

You can call him edgar or poe

butterfly:

We can assume the poe’s fav is ranpo

But poe might have real friends he likes more than u 🤭

boydetective:

…

Do you think so?

nothuman:

he could even have a partner

boydetective:

Oh I know he doesn’t

I asked him

butterfly:

Why???

boydetective:

You guys make is sound so sus to try to get to know someone else lmao RELAX

I just know basic stuff about him

Like I know the same stuff about him that I know about the rest of you

alphatiger:

What’re his parents names

boydetective:

I don’t know

butterfly:

Oh ok

Nvm

My bad

boydetective:

You all trying to play detective is so cute❣️

But are you guys certain Poe and I haven’t been messing with you? :3c

shadow.praiser:

NOPE

not messing with us

idk what youre trying to do rn but

whatever you two got going on is not a bit

sorry ive played too many games with you and poe and individually with the both of you

and i cannot keep my silence any longer

boydetective:

Silence sister fucker

shadow.praiser:

NAOMI ISNT MY BLOOD SISTER

WE ARE CHILDHOOD FRIENDS

AND WE ARENT EVEN DATING!!!!!!

thats the real bit 😞

boydetective:

Ok shore

shadow.prasier:

where is poe?

boydetective:

Asleep

It’s like 6am for him lol

His sleep schedule is fucked but I’m not gonna have him fix it

So it’ll be easier to adjust when he moves here

doppo_poet:

Or is it because it makes it easier to play games with him when he’s up when you’re up?

boydetective:

I’m supposed to be the detective Kunikida!!!!!

Don’t expose me!!!!!

>:3c

alphatiger:

Poor Poe lol

boydetective:

Um no, poor me

Now I’m stuck entertaining you fools with my gorgeous gorgeous looks, amazing wit, and enchanting whimsy

nothuman:

ugh chuuya is messaging me about our project

ignore

snore

not responding

alphatiger:

What even is your project?

nothuman:

connecting the literature we read in class to modern adaptations or references

snore

snooze

i don’t watch tv or movies

so i don’t even know what to do

i told chuuya to pick but he’s so useless on his own it’s crazy

“dazai what if we did this” “dazai answer me” blah blah blah

doppo_poet:

You should answer him, Dazai.

It’s important to do your work, even if you don’t like the person you’re working with.

alphatiger:

What even is your issue with Chuuya if you don’t mind me asking?

You invited him to the among us server

butterfly:

He did that by accident lol

nothuman:

went to high school with him

he and his friends were dicks

and i guess he didn’t like that the energy he put out towards me

was reciprocated in full with interest

doppo_poet:

Oh I see.

You were a bully.

nothuman:

nope!

not to him at least

don’t throw a punch first if you can’t handle being hit back

butterfly:

Your ass is built like a string bean

No way you were a fighter in high school

nothuman:

huh!!!!!

i’m a burly, strong man!

just ask kunikida, he’s seen me naked.

doppo_poet:

WE’RE ROOMMATES, DON’T BE SO SUGGESTIVE!

nothuman:

i wasn’t, but you were

hehe

doppo_poet:

I’m messaging Chuuya for you.

nothuman:

NO DON’T I WAS JK

I’M SORRY!!!

doppo_poet:

Well, since you apologized, I’ll refrain.

shadow.praiser:

ranpo

boydetective:

Noooooooo 😭

Leave me alone………

shadow.praiser:

cmon man

you know what time it is…

boydetective:

I’ve decided to be an active member of society!

I’ve gone outside! I’ve touched grass!

Don’t make me do it!

shadow.praiser:

im sorry ranpo but

its time to come back to me.

boydetective:

I’ve been so good!

I haven’t done it in a whole 24hrs!

shadow.praiser:

they say the first week is the hardest…

now look at your computer screen. what do you see?

boydetective:

YOU MONSTER!

nothuman:

hey, what the fuck is happening?

are they doing some sort of horror roleplay?

animal_crossing:

Nope!

They’re just about to play overwatch :3

boydetective:

IT’S BOOTING UP!

OH GOD I’M ON IT!

SOMETHING IS COMING OVER ME….!

I JUST… I JUST QUEUED UP FOR COMPETITIVE…. DPS…. WITH JUNICHIRO…..

NOOOOOOOO

NOOOOOO

FREE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

shadow.praiser:

you will never be free

embrace the agony

boydetective:

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

thegoldraven:

Room for one more ?

Chapter Text

GAYGENCY

general

Today at 11:02 PM.

nothuman:

met with chuuya today

jesus h christ dude

a-n-n-o-y-i-n-g

he’s yappy

like a dog

alphatiger:

And not yappy like you?

At 11pm?

nothuman:

i see your point…

gonna double it and give it to the next person

doppo_poet:

Guys, I am so tired

And he won’t shut up

butterfly:

NO PUNCTUATION???

NO PERIODS????

Free my man Kunikida rn…

nothuman:

if kunikida unclenched

i think he and i would be such a power couple

doppo_poet:

Hey! I hate that!

No thanks!

nothuman:

OHHHH COME ONNNNN KUNIKIDAAAAAAA

alphatiger:

Aren’t these two in the same room?

butterfly:

Yep 

alphatiger:

Mental 

doppo_poet:

I am not into men…

Or whatever animal Dazai considers himself to be.

nothuman:

BRO?!?!?!?

i’m not atsushi i’m not a furry

alphatiger:

Oh my god

GUYS

I AM NOT A FURRY

I HAVE NEVER BEEN A FURRY

butterfly:

Ok alpha tiger whatever you say

alphatiger:

Back in the orphanage, the only thing that could be considered mine was a white tiger stuffed animal…

When they would hit me or burn me with pokers or force me to wash dishes in cold, dirty water until my bones ached, all I’d have is that tiger stuffed animal to turn to cry to…

nothuman:

OH MY GOD

STOP

STOP

butterfly:

We’re sorry stop

alphatiger:

And that’s how you do it

doppo_poet:

Using your trauma as a weapon is insane…

alphatiger:

Maybe if you did that, you’d be asleep right now

doppo_poet:

I don’t have any trauma other than being Dazai’s roommate for two years.

animal_crossing:

Dazai can’t be that bad!

boydetective:

Oh no he is

Imagine having to stop your roomie from killing himself every five minutes

He was my roommate freshman year but I couldn’t take it.

But now I live off campus with fukuzawa

#dadgoals

butterfly:

Why did you even dorm when you're like two minutes away

boydetective:

I thought I could get more snackies….

But I realized having Fukuzawa buy my food was better than buying my own food

And Dazai is insane

 Like actually insane

nothuman:

i’m honestly not that bad

i’m clean, organized, and i share my food

boydetective:

Yeah, but you also tried to jump out our window

Now the dorm windows don’t open all the way

So when it’s hot it’s MISERABLE

butterfly:

That was you?

You were the reason the windows can’t open fully?

nothuman:

ALRIGHT PAUSE

THAT’S NOT TRUE AT ALL!

the windows were never able to open all the way, i’m just a handyman and was able to have it open fully

alphatiger:

Is handyman what your ex called you? Lol

butterfly:

YOOOOOOOOOO

DUDE

LMFAO????!?!?!??!??!??

nothuman:

dude no way i’m getting clowned on by atsushi rn...

alphatiger:

You made it too easy for me 

nothuman:

i’m leaving the server, i’m dropping out of the school, and i’m going to kill myself

boydetective:

Only 1 of those 3 statements were correct

animal_crossing:

What was so bad about meeting with Chuuya? Did you guys not get a lot of work done?

nothuman:

oh no we finished

no thanks to chuuya

i literally did most of the work.

all his ideas sucked

doppo_poet:

How did you manage to pull that off?

You don’t have anything to base your project off of. You said you don’t watch tv or movies, which is imperative to the project.

nothuman:

they’re not that important

i had it so we talk about shakespeare and how he literally invented new words and phrases used in the english language

so like “break the ice” or “wild goose chase” or “all that glitters isn’t gold” or whatever is still something that english speakers use even 400 years later

alphatiger:

@thegoldraven can you verify??

thegoldraven:

Haha , yes . We still use those phrases .

I like “in a pickle” the best . :) 

nothuman:

jotting that down

what’s that from?

thegoldraven:

The Tempest

nothuman:

thanks

how’s Ligeia coming along

thegoldraven:

I finished it earlier today ! I am just editing it now .

boydetective:

SEND PLEASE

I WANT TO READ SO SO BAD

POE PLEASE

thegoldraven:

Yes ! I will send it to you by midday EST .

nothuman:

what about me 😐

boydetective:

You can errmrmmmmm suck my shlong

PM

Butterfly aka Yosano

Today at 6:28 AM

boydetective:

Hey sorry for dming so early

But it says you’re online?

butterfly:

Gm ranpo!

Studying for a final

#premed #struggling

boydetective:

You’re going to pass so don’t worry

butterfly:

It’s crazy how that has reassured me

But I want to guess that you didn’t dm me to discuss me studying?

It doesn’t take a detective to know

boydetective:

Yeah….

You can’t make fun of me

butterfly:

No offense but I love the way this is starting

Is this about Poe?

GASP

Did you not like his story?

boydetective:

The story was about a opium-addicted and unreliable narrator mourning the death of his first wife and entering loveless marriage with another woman, of whom also dies and the story ends with his first wife coming back to life as his second wife has transformed into her.

Whether or not that actually happened is left up to interpretation. IT’S NOT THAT I CAN’T FIGURE IT OUT…. IT’S LEFT AMBIGUOUS, THERE IS NO RIGHT ANSWER SO DON’T START.

butterfly:

So what’s the problem?

boydetective:

The narrator laments on and on about the beauty of Ligeia (first wife). She’s tall, extremely thin, has big dark eyes, and beautiful in a nonconventional way. Yosano, when I tell you that the narrator describes her in such a beautiful way, I mean it.

Like he literally compares her eyes to stars and then says that he is the most devoted astronomer.

butterfly:

Ranpo buddy I’m not a detective like you, you need to fill in the blanks for me

boydetective:

What if that’s what Poe likes? Like his type?

butterfly:

Tall women with

Hit send by accident but just realized what you mean

You’re worried that Poe likes tall, slender women when you’re just a short little guy

boydetective:

UM OK would not describe myself as a little guy but

Yeah.

OK OK YOU AND DAZAI CLOCKED MY ASS BOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO

butterfly:

LMFAOOOOOOOO

Do u need me to ask if he like-likes boy for you

boydetective:

I’m not Dazai I don’t need you to ask questions for me

I just need advice

Not only are you the only person awake right now, but you are also the only person that has an actual head on their shoulders.

butterfly:

Ahhh I see

Just talk in detail about the story I guess? Ask a lot of questions about Ligeia. Like “did anyone inspire her?” or something like that

Ranpo LOVE that you respect me so much but I get 0 bitches

boydetective:

You’re literally getting a doctorate, bitches come with that.

butterfly:

THAT’S FUCKING INSANE LMFAO

Did you like the story though?

boydetective:

Yes!

Maybe I’ll let him share it with you guys

He really is a great writer :3c

I just like his mystery stuff better. It’s the only time I get a challenge

butterfly:

Lol tea

I need to get back to studying but go message your prince

boydetective:

Evil statement but alright.

PM

thegoldraven aka Edgar Allan

Today at 6:45 AM

boydetective:

POE!

Just finished your story!!

I thought it was great!

The reader not knowing whether Ligeia came back is intentional right? 😐

thegoldraven:

It warms my heart to know that you enjoyed the story !

And yes , it’s intentional .

Ligeia’s resurrection is up to interpretation .

I’m not even entirely sure if I want her to have come back or not .

There won’t be a sequel though , so no fuss in worrying about that .

boydetective:

Interesting!

Why no sequel? :0

thegoldraven:

There’s nothing really much to say .

boydetective:

Is the narrator’s drug issues based on something?

thegoldraven:

The story is a satire of the gothic and against transcendentalism .

I loathe transcendentalism 🙂

boydetective:

LMFAO????

Why?

thegoldraven:

It’s derivative .

Not a single original thought .

I know another transfer student that goes to Yokohama from where I live and he’s a fantastic writer , but what he writes about is so …

No words .

He’d have so much more talent if he steered away from it .

boydetective:

Strong feelings there Poe!

So is it safe to assume you don’t like this guy?

What’s his name??? Maybe Kunikida knows him… maybe I even know him!!

thegoldraven:

Oh no , I like him !

Just not how he writes . 

He’s Nathaniel Hawthorne .

boydetective:

Idk who that is lol

WAIT

IS HE THAT GUY THAT WENT CRAZY???

thegoldraven:

HE WENT CRAZY ?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?

See that’s what transcendentalism does to people .

boydetective:

No apparently something happened to his girlfriend from home

Wait is it true she died

thegoldraven:

MARGARET ?????

NO SHE’S ALIVE !!!

I think she is

I’m not friends with her

We spoke maybe once

I don’t have many friends .

boydetective:

YOU’RE FRIENDS WITH NATHANIEL THOUGH??? HER BF???

thegoldraven:

FALSE

HE AND I ARE FRIENDLY , NOT FRIENDS

WE WOULD READ EACH OTHER'S WORKS SOMETIMES BUT THAT'S IT

Ranpo , it is incredibly humbling to admit , but I do not have many friends .

Befriending you was mere luck and everything that follows is complete , lucky coincidence .

boydetective:

That cannot be true

thegoldraven:

I don’t do well in crowds of people

And most people tend to overlook me

I’m very plain and the only things interesting about me are the stories I write or the money I have

And people usually prefer the latter over the former , which displeases me because I have much more pride in my works as a writer than the money I have by coincidence

I will admit Dazai’s “sugar daddy” comment did make me laugh 

boydetective:

Ugh don’t let him know, it’ll all goes to his head

Anyway back to Ligeia cause if we talk any more about dazai I’m going to throw up

Considering you THINK(!!!!) you have no friends what inspired Ligeia or Rowena’s characters???

thegoldraven:

Ligeia and Rowena are opposites in every sense , which is obvious

I wanted them to be contradictory to each other and the dark/light comparison never gets old

There’s no real life inspiration used on either of them

boydetective:

:0! Oh wow!!

I was only wondering because the way you had the narrator describe Ligeia was very beautiful :3

thegoldraven:

Thank you !

I had hoped that would come off that way .

I’ve never pined over someone , but I hope I did that justice

boydetective:

Awwwww you’ve never been in love? </3

thegoldraven:

I’ve never gotten close enough to someone to fall in love I think .

There was never a time I thought “oh this is love”

I’ve also never put myself out there I guess

What you said about Atsushi in the server the other day was something I think could also be applied to me

Other than the bangs part , my hair is fine .

boydetective:

Oh???

Face reveal rn >:3c

thegoldraven:

You’ll get a face reveal in just a few months !

boydetective:

How will I know it’s you though!!

thegoldraven:

You’re the detective Ranpo

I’m sure you’ll be able to deduce who I am :)

Chapter Text

iMessage

Osamu Dazai

Today at 12:15 PM

Dazai, are you okay?

lol are you ok kunikida?

yeah, i’m fine…

why?

I saw you sitting in Dr. Mori’s office and you two seemed to have a really intense conversation.

Considering everything about him, I wanted to make sure you were okay.

oh.

no yeah i’m ok

he and i were just talking about stuff

Was it about your project with Chuuya?

yeah

don’t worry about it

GAYGENCY

general

Today at 1:43 PM

alphatiger:

JUST FINISHED MY LAST FINAL

HALLELUJAH!!!

FUCK YOU GUYS I AM GOING HOME!!

butterfly:

????????

HOME????

To where sush??

The orphanage?????

alphatiger:

LMFAOOOOO

No I got kicked out of the orphanage remember 😐

That’s like pretty important lore but ok

I MEANTTTT

THE PLACE JUNICHIRO AND I GOT TOGETHER OFF CAMPUS….

shadow.praiser:

DUDE I AM SO EXCITED

Naomi and i just finished moving all our stuff in this morning

boydetective:

You two are never dropping the sibling-fucking allegations

light_finder:

PLEASE DON'T SAY THAT

We're as close as siblings but we’re not 😏

animal_crossing:

Thanks! I hate that!

shadow.praiser:

its gonna be atsushi, me, Naomi, and kyoka

sooooooooooooo chillout

nothuman:

you guys left campus and didn’t invite me?!?!?!

my feelings are hurt!

alphatiger:

Aren’t you and Yosano getting a place off campus??

nothuman:

lol yeah

we’re going into a house!!

butterfly:

Ok well technically we’re going to be on the upper floor in an apartment but NOT in apartment building like you guys

boydetective:

Maybe you guys should just be adopted by Fukuzawa by me and live at his house

It slays!

doppo_poet:

I’ll keep that in mind.

alphatiger:

What are you going to be doing next semester now that Dazai is going with Yosano, Kunikida?

doppo_poet:

Well, the only reason Dazai is going with Yosano is because I’m becoming an RA.

I couldn’t room with him and be an RA.

nothuman:

womp womp

doppo_poet:

I’m going to become a mandated reporter though so Dazai, you better watch what you say or else you'll be placed in a psychiatric hold.

nothuman:

christ not again

those should be illegal like literally

butterfly:

I’m not gonna ask because I don’t want to know tbh

nothuman:

LMFAO????

animal_crossing:

I’m staying in the dorms, but I’m going to be in a single AND one of Kunikida’s residents!

boydetective:

I’m so excited for next semester

shadow.praiser:

jeez i wonder why

boydetective:

Silence sister fucker

shadow.praiser:

SLANDER SLANDER!

boot up the pc ranpo its time for overwatch

boydetective:

Dude no I’m studying for a final 😭

shadow.praiser:

ugh fine

@thegoldraven can you play ??

thegoldraven:

I can !

boydetective:

I’ll play a few rounds.

alphatiger:

Wow

doppo_poet:

I’m not going to say anything, it’s not worth the headache.

I will wish everyone luck on their finals though!

I only have papers to write, but I know you all will succeed if you put in the necessary work.

nothuman:

thanks dad

idk i did everything already

got my grades back like a few days ago hehehe

served, ate, and slayed

doppo_poet:

?

Then what were you talking about with Dr. Mori today?

You said it was your project?

nothuman:

ohhhhhhhhhh

that

i was talking to him abt the grade

dw about it tbh it’s not like it’s your business

PM

Butterfly aka yosano

Today at 2:00 PM

doppo_poet:

Are you catching an attitude from him or…

butterfly:

NO BC TELL ME WHY I WAS TEXTING YOU THE SAME THING…

Dw about a thing beautiful I’ll handle this

doppo_poet:

????

Yosano, that worries me more.

GAYGENCY

general

butterfly:

What are you so defensive about Dazai

nothuman:

i’m not defensive i’m stating a fact

idk why it’s his business and now your business about what i discuss with mori 

butterfly:

It’s not my business but idk if I’m enjoying the attitude you copped

nothuman:

i don’t have an attitude, we’re literally talking over text

but ok

butterfly:

Feels like attitude

Ik you and you can’t say i don’t

alphatiger:

I think the stress of exams caught up to all of us

Cause I think everything is getting blown out of proportion

boydetective:

I go and game for two minutes and the server turns to shit

Guys shut up

Thanks!!!

alphatiger:

Not to change the subject but I’m going to change the subject

Poe!! When are you going to come to Yokohama?

thegoldraven:

Next week !

boydetective:

NEXT WEEK?!?!?!?!?!

WHY AM I JUST HEARING ABOUT THIS NOW?!?!?!?!

thegoldraven:

Because you didn’t ask >:3

alphatiger:

That’s so awesome!

Do you know where you’re going to live?

thegoldraven:

Yes , I’ve sorted out all housing arrangements ! I’m just focused on packing my belongings and getting rid of what I’m not bringing .

boydetective:

Dm me your address rn

thegoldraven:

Ranpo please 😭

butterfly:

He’s gonna get the bed nice and warm for you! 😊

boydetective:

AYO?!?!?!

ALRIGHT RELAX

nothuman:

yeah… relax right into ranpo’s arms poe!

they’re open wide for you… just like something else 😏

boydetective:

YOU TWO CAN’T MOVE IN TOGETHER BC UR BOTH EVIL

WHAT THE FUCK

GO BACK TO BEEFING AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!

thegoldraven:

???

shadow.praiser:

ignore them

u r the group leader in ow tho so pls queue

thegoldraven:

Oh ! My bad , sorry .

boydetective:

Don’t apologize to him, he’ll be fine

shadow.praiser:

will i be fine ranpo????????

i play overwatch for fun. i am flex queueing and having fun. this is a game i thoroughly enjoy.

DO U THINK I AM OK?!?!

boydetective:

After some careful deliberation, I’ve deduced that is it best to queue up……….. rn. 

shadow.praiser:

yup and thats what i thought

nothuman:

damn dude might have it as rough as me

juni do u wanna kill urself with me? :0

shadow.praiser:

i have to live long enough to see junkrat get a mythic skin and ramattra get a dance emote

so i will probably never die tbh

nothuman:

and that sounds like hell

i’m going to kms rn!

butterfly:

Ahaha don’t kill yourself you’re so sexy… 😏

nothuman:

if only you weren’t a lesbian

we would’ve been so good together

butterfly:

Kicking myself over it everyday baby

You know we belong together… just not in this universe

nothuman:

maybe that’s why i wanna kms 😞

cause i don’t get my soulmate

butterfly:

If i don’t have a gf at 30 we can die together

I’ll give u the double suicide you’ve always wanted

nothuman:

OMG BABE!

we’ll see if i last that long lmfao

butterfly:

LMFAO THAT’S FUCKING CRAZY

doppo_poet:

RELAX.

alphatiger:

You gotta stop saying you’re going to kill yourself it stresses me out

nothuman:

?

but i’m going to

i’m being haha funny abt it but the reality is that i’m probably not making it to 25 lol

alphatiger:

😐

Not happy abt that answer 

nothuman:

man let me live my life

or what’s left of it anyway teehee

alphatiger:

I really can’t tell if you’re being funny or not

nothuman:

i mean what i say but i’m being funny abt it

alphatiger:

Well you should be lying

Bc I don’t want you to die

You’re my best friend 

butterfly:

Dazai bro you gotta live now

I just cried over that

boydetective:

Meh, corny

shadow.praise:

RANPO LMFAO

nothuman:

LMFAO

ok sorry i didn’t mean to laugh at u atsushi i was laughing at ranpo’s comment

dude pm me pls

PM

Alphatiger aka Atsushi

Today at 2:31 PM

alphatiger:

Sorry dazai

I didn’t mean to be dramatic and start something in the server

It just makes me really upset to see you talk that way

And it’s hard for me to understand that you mean what you say

I don’t think it’s because of your tone but because I don’t want to believe it

nothuman:

don’t be sorry

listen man if you’re not comfortable with it i won’t say it around you anymore

it’s that easy

alphatiger:

I mean but like

I’m worried you’re actually gonna do it.

nothuman:

well then don’t think about it

i won’t say it in front of you anymore

so out of sight, out of mind

lol

alphatiger:

Ok…

That’s not how that works but I don’t see myself winning this…

nothuman:

i’m a winner baby!

Chapter Text

YokoHomos

general-chat

Today at 7:34 PM

arahabaki:

NO

NO WAY

x..RASHOMON..x:

?

what

arahabaki:

I moved into an apartment with Kouyou

And our upstairs neighbors ARE DAZAI AND HIS FRIEND

Idk her name lol

goldendemon:

Yosano 

arahabaki:

Yeah her

I’m going to kill myself

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

Well, don’t let Dazai hear that bc then he’ll wanna kill himself with you

x..RASHOMON..x:

LMFAO

gin that was funny

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

Thanks!

x..RASHOMON..x:

brb

PM

alphatiger aka Atsushi

Today at 7:40 PM

x..RASHOMON..x:

furry boy

alphatiger:

I AM NOT A FURRY

What's up aku

x..RASHOMON..x:

did you hear the news about chuuya and dazai

alphatiger:

No???

Tell me please

x..RASHOMON..x:

NEIGHBORS.

chuuya lives under dazai

alphatiger:

NO WAY

ARE YOU LYING?

x..RASHOMON..x:

NOPE LMFAO BEING SO DEAD ASS

alphatiger:

HOW DO U KNOW??

x..RASHOMON..x:

chuuya said smth in our gc

alphatiger:

Wait wtf

I’m not in that gc??

x..RASHOMON..x:

bc were not friends

alphatiger:

I’m aware we’re not just friends

I’m friends with Gin though :|

x..RASHOMON..x:

NO YOURE NOT???

alphatiger:

:p 

Dazai hasn’t said anything tho

x..RASHOMON..x:

idk

i only told u what i know

dont shoot the messenger

alphatiger:

Do you think….

Dazai doesn’t know yet

x..RASHOMON..x:

LMFAO STFU

no shot

…

do u wanna go over there?

alphatiger:

IM ALREADY WALKING OVER TO UR DORM LMAOOOOO

YokoHomos

general-chat

x..RASHOMON..x:

chuuya im coming over

for moral support

arahabaki:

Christ do not

x..RASHOMON..x:

fine i wont then

ill go to dazais

arahabaki:

He’d never invite you

x..RASHOMON..x:

good thing im going with atsushi

arahabaki:

So nice of your boyfriend invite you to his boyfriend’s house

x..RASHOMON..x:

PAUSE.

SO MANY THINGS WRONG WITH THAT STATEMENT.

goldendemon:

Akutagawa, you’re more than welcome to come over.

x..RASHOMON..x:

oh wow chuuya

notice how kouyou is better than you?

take some notes

arahabaki:

I WANT YOU DEAD

GAYGENCY

general

Today at 8:02 PM

alphatiger:

Yosano, dazai, let me in

nothuman:

???????

You’re here?????

alphatiger:

With akutagawa

butterfly:

DAZAI ITS HAPPENING

OUR SON BROUGHT HOME HIS FIRST BF 😭

OMG OMG OMG

nothuman:

your first bf being akutagawa is upsetting to me.

alphatiger:

Eat my ass u suicidal fuck and let me in – akutagawa

nothuman:

not him signing off

alphatiger:

Sorry he took my phone

He’s unhappy he’s not in this server and also unhappy about my phone having auto capitalization and auto correct

Womp

butterfly:

I’m coming down now relax

The door swung open, revealing Atsushi and Akutagawa standing on the front stoop. Yosano was in a simple t-shirt and distressed mom jeans, a simple outfit for just trying to move in her stuff. Atsushi was holding a platter of fruit while Akutagawa was empty handed.

“Hi Yosano,” Atsushi greeted politely with a smile, “we brought you guys a house warming present.”

“I see that,” Yosano responded, smiling back, “was that a we or more of an I , Atsushi?”

“I helped him pick it out,” Akutagawa stated, “he couldn’t decide. So this was us .”

“Then, thanks Akutagawa,” Yosano replied. She moved out of the way to let them in and led them upstairs to her and Dazai's apartment. “You can just put it on the table there. Dazai is in his room, probably setting up his noose, but I think we can interrupt him for a few minutes.”

Atsushi and Akutagawa gave each other a look before getting close to Yosano. She put her hands up in defense, not knowing what prompted this. Before she could say anything, Atsushi spoke.

“Do you know who your neighbors downstairs are?” He asked, voice hushed.

“Wha–my neighbors downstairs—?!” She was shushed by Akutagawa.

“Do either you or Dazai know who your neighbors are?” Akutagawa asked.

“Just other college students why—?” She couldn’t finish her sentence before Atsushi and Akutagawa ran from her. “His room is the one at the very end!”

The two rushed in, seeing Dazai going through a bag of questionable items, probably to be used to kill himself. He stared at them and they stared back.

“Hey guys, can I help you?” He asked finally, breaking the silence.

“No, but we can help you,” Akutagawa answered, but pulled his phone out and aimed it at Dazai, clearly recording him. “You can tell him the news.”

“News? What news?” Clearly, Dazai hadn’t heard the news yet.

“Your downstairs neighbor is Chuuya.”

Dazai stood up and pushed past Akutagawa and Atsushi. “Akiko!” He yelled, walking into the kitchen. She was currently putting away the cutlery and the sudden yell caused her to jolt.

“You guys have got to stop yelling at me!” She snapped, turning to face Dazai. “What?!”

“Do you know who the neighbor is?!”

She paused, looking at Dazai quizzically. “Who is it?” She asked, but she looked at Atsushi and Akutagawa.

“It’s Chuuya and Kouyou,” Akutagawa responded, still recording on his phone. Atsushi couldn’t hold back his snicker. Dazai sent him a look, which prompted him to stop laughing.

“HAH!” Yosano exclaimed, “that’s crazy.”

“We need to move out.”

“No, we don’t! We signed the lease already!” She stood up and pointed a knife at Dazai. “If you screw me, I’m going to make sure you live for a very long time!” Dazai gasped in response. Atsushi turned to Akutagawa, clearly not happy.

“I don’t like that’s a threat for him,” he said. Akutagawa stopped recording and put his phone in his pocket.

“Well, there’s no need to fix something that works,” he responded simply, “I’m bored of this now. Let’s go, Jinko.”

“Jinko?” Yosano and Dazai asked in unison.

“I can’t call him a furry in public or he loses his mind,” Akutagawa responded, turning around and walking out. He didn’t bother to wait for Atsushi, knowing he’d follow soon enough.

“I gotta go guys, he’s my ride, but if you need my help unpacking, just let me know! Not right now though!” Atsushi said before rushing out behind Akutagawa. He caught up relatively quickly, considering Akutagawa was just walking.

“You took too long,” Akutagawa commented without bothering to look at Atsushi.

“Oh, c’mon man I needed to say bye!” Atsushi basically whined as they got to Akutagawa’s car. He opened the passenger door as Akutagawa scoffed.

“Don’t refer to me as man,” he said as Atsushi climbed into the car. Akutagawa got to the driver's side and climbed in.

“I actually have a question,” Atsushi began, “now that we’re not lab partners anymore, what’re we going to tell people?”

“What do you mean?” Akutagawa asked, turning the key in the ignition.

“Well, when we’d hang out, I’d just tell whoever that we were doing our lab,” Atsushi said, buckling himself in, “but now we’re not lab partners anymore. So, what should we do now?”

“I wouldn’t worry too much about it,” Akutagawa responded. He turned to Atsushi, grabbing his chin and had him look at him. “We have all summer break to think of something.”

He then leaned in and so did Atsushi.

Chapter Text

GAYGENCY

general

Today at 8:30 PM

nothuman:

atsushi (and akatagawa???) just came by and gave me the worst news of my life.

butterfly:

I’m still laughing

boydetective:

LMFAO SAME

JUST READ UR TEXT KIKI

butterfly:

What are the odds???

doppo_poet:

Am I missing something?

nothuman:

CHUUYA IS THE OTHER RESIDENT

DOWNSTAIRS

doppo_poet:

Oh.

Hey! At least you can say you top him!

nothuman:

wow…

i didn’t realize that a. you’re funny and b. that’s true………..

xX.demonsnow.Xx:

Who knew that u had that in u, Kunikida

doppo_poet:

I’m just trying to fit in with you guys.

shadow.praiser:

good job kunikida

were all so proud of u

ur doing a great job babe

doppo_poet:

I hated every moment of that.

animal_crossing:

Why did Atsushi come with Akutagawa to tell you?

butterfly:

I think Akutagawa wanted to record it

ACTUALLY….. I NEED THAT VIDEO RN

@alphatiger send that video rn pls

Get it from akutagawa

animal_crossing:

I thought that he and atsushi weren’t friends

doppo_poet:

They’re lab partners.

nothuman:

well, they were

i don't know akutagawa probably heard from chuuya and asked atsushi 

i don't know i don't answer akutagawa’s texts 

butterfly:

That’s mean lmfao

boydetective:

@shadow.praiser @thegoldraven @alphatiger @animal_crossing ok overwatch time pls

alphatiger:

Oup

Sorry I’m out rn

But @butterfly I’ll send you the video in a minute lol

shadow.praiser:

OUT DOING WHAT?!?!?!??!?!!?!!?!

HOW OFTEN DOES RANPO INITIATE OVERWATCH

btw ive been on for like 3 hrs now so i can hit u with an inv anytime just lmk when ur own

thegoldraven:

I’m getting on now !

alphatiger:

I’m at McDonalds 😭

nothuman:

HOW

you don’t have a car

alphatiger:

I’ve prostituted myself

boydetective:

Unlikely, your bangs are too fucked up for someone to wanna pick you up :3

alphatiger:

Ok goodbye you guys are so mean to me

I need new friends

nothuman:

WAIITTTTTT……… get me fries

alphatiger:

NO.

nothuman:

ugh whatever

other than being lame and gayming, what is everyone up to rn?

am bored and don’t wanna keep unpacking

butterfly:

I’m unpacking.

nothuman:

kunikida!

homeslice!

what’re you up to!

doppo_poet:

I’m writing down my goals for the summer break and the next semester.

nothuman:

boring!!!!!!

alphatiger:

Go hang out with Chuuya

nothuman:

not happening!

atsushi who are you with maybe they wanna hang out with me

animal_crossing:

Probably Akutagawa still considering they were together before!

nothuman:

good god they’re fucking in the mcdonalds bathroom right now aren’t they ☹️

alphatiger:

NO????

IM WITH LUCY MONTGOMERY

And spoiler alert she doesn’t want to hang out with u

nothuman:

no offense i don’t wanna hang out with her either :|

or akutagawa either actually so tell him no thanks!

alphatiger:

I’m not with him anymore chill out 😭

butterfly:

You guys broke up? </3

alphatiger:

He un-proposed outside of the arbys 😞

He said he couldn’t have dazai as a father-in-law

nothuman:

PAUSE

i’m not ur dad

yosano’s your dad I AM YOUR MOTHER

boydetective:

Nope

No no no

Noppeeee

Not fucking with the mpreg scenario 

butterfly:

Ok but we can agree I’d make a fantastic father

I’d babysit the kids sometimes

boydetective:

PLEASE STOP TALKING LMFAO

nothuman:

omg babe you are the best father ever <3!

butterfly:

<3!

doppo_poet:

YOU TWO, UNPACK, NOW!

nothuman:

sorry daddy 🥺

butterfly:

It won’t happen again, father-in-law

doppo_poet:

STFU!!!!!!!!!!!

YokoHomos

general-chat

Today at 10:07 PM

arahabaki:

If anyone here is friends with Dazai or Yosano please tell them to stop playing big time rush

It’s so fucking loud

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

Which album?

arahabaki:

Ummmm I DON’T KNOW???

I DONT LISTEN TO BIG TIME RUSH???

The song literally said “big time” so I knew what I was hearing

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

The first album

Iconic

Request they play Stuck that’s a good one

x..RASHOMON..x:

stuck is good

blcklzrd:

what ?????

u obviously meant to say famous….

x..RASHOMON..x:

no 

if u ever imply gin is wrong again btw ill help u lose weight by ripping off ur fucking legs

blcklzrd:

@natnatsuko control your man????

natnatsuko:

Akutagawa stop this isn’t you!

Well I tried

blcklzrd:

LMFAOOOOOOO 

You suck.

natnatsuko:

And you swallow

Anyway next

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

Guys can we play among us again?

x..RASHOMON..x:

yes

blcklzrd:

Sure!

natnatsuko:

I can play this time!

goldendemon:

Sure

arahabaki:

Yeah sure I can play

But is this enough people?

among us in real life

general-chat

Today at 10:28 PM

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

Hi guys can we please play among us again 

alphatiger:

You killed me last time 😐

x..RASHOMON..x:

thats how u play the game idiot

alphatiger:

Aren’t you supposed to be convincing me to play?

Am not convinced

nothuman:

akutagawa if you beg he might play!

x..RASHOMON..x:

yeah no

id never beg the furry to do anything

alphatiger:

I AM NOT A FURRY!!!

x..RASHOMON..x:

uh huh

ok alphatiger

alphatiger:

Says the guy with a Pokémon user name

x..RASHOMON..x:

QUICK IDIOT WHAT POKEMON IS RASHOMON

ILL WAIT

alphatiger:

RASHOMON

THE BITCH POKÉMON!!!!!!!

x..RASHOMON..x:

im going to kill you

and no one will miss you

nothuman:

tea!

butterfly:

Jesus Christ 😭

Y’all need to relax

xX.demonsnow.Xx:

I’m playing sims count me out

shadow.praiser:

im overwatching

x..RASHOMON..x:

oh word?

alphatiger:

Chillax brian griffin

x..RASHOMON..x:

DUDE

@x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x do u just want to play overwatch?

ill get furry to play

animal_crossing:

Sush is with Lucy rn!

x..RASHOMON..x:

didnt ask dont care plus L plus ratio

go home and boot up overwatch

were playing comp

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

Yay!!! 

We haven’t play competitive in so long!

alphatiger:

Ok 🙁

nothuman:

PUSSY LMFAO

everyone point and laugh

butterfly:

🫵🤣

alphatiger:

BRO WHAT THE FUCK

x..RASHOMON..x:

haha

now hurry up

i dont want to keep gin waiting jinko

arahabaki:

What the fuck is a jinko

boydetective:

Their pet name ig

natnatsuko:

Wait does this mean we’re not playing among us 😕

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

Another time!

natnatsuko:

Ight

The glow of Akutagawa’s tv illuminated the room as he and Atsushi laid on his twin XL. Atsushi tiredly looked at his phone, which had the brightness down all the way and only emitted a dull glow. Akutagawa rested his cheek on the top of Atsushi’s head, twirling his long bang strand with one hand and holding his phone in the other.

“Do you actually want to play?” Atsushi asked, voice raspy.

“Not really, but if Gin wants to play, I’d play.”

“I’ll have to go back to my place to play,” Atsushi said.

“I know. You don’t need to play,” Akutagawa responded, “do you want to spend the night here?”

“I can’t. I live with Junichiro, Kyoka, and Naomi now,” Atsushi said, pulling himself closer to Akutagawa. Akutagawa held back a grimace. “They’re going to question where I am.”

“What if they minded their business?” Akutagawa asked rhetorically. Atsushi let out an exhausted sigh, his head now resting against Akutagawa’s chest.

“Maybe…” He grumbled, “when are… when are you going home for summer break?” He seemed to force the words out against his fatigue.

“Two days from now,” Akutagawa responded, moving his hand from Atsushi’s bangs and to his back to hold him close. “Gin and I got a place though. I think it’s close to your apartment. We’ll move in sometime within the month.”

“Hm,” Atsushi hummed in response. His phone screen had turned off and his eyes were closed. He was falling asleep and Akutagawa wasn’t going to stop him.

“Don’t miss me too much, Jinko,” Akutagawa responded, his voice a whisper, “I’ll be back soon enough.”

“And then…” Atsushi mumbled. Akutagawa assumed he was half-asleep at this point. “It’ll be… just the two of us?”

Akutagawa questioned what he meant, but perhaps Atsushi didn’t even know what he was asking at this point. Bringing his hand back up to Atsushi’s face, he ran his thumb across Atsushi’s cheek. He figured he’d answer anyway.

“Do we need any more?” This was a rhetorical answer, considering the question didn’t make sense from the beginning. It made Atsushi happy though, or so it seemed, as he finally succumbed to his fatigue and was fast asleep. Before texting Gin the unfortunate news that he could not, in fact, play Overwatch, he needed to text one other person first.

iMessage

Lucy (Jinko's friend)

Today at 11:00 PM

hi its akutagawa

can u vouch for atsushi for me

LMFAO yeah

Don’t worry about it

Tell snow white one of her seven dwarves is gonna take care of her

ok sick

thanks

Atsushi's phone lit up and Akutagawa took it, not wanting the vibration to wake him. He did take a glance at it and see a discord notification, so he pressed it. Atsushi's phone didn't have a passcode.

GAYGENCY

general

butterfly:

I still haven’t gotten the video yet 🙁

xX.demonsnow.Xx:

L

Chapter Text

among us in real life

general-chat

Today at 12:36 PM

shadow.praiser:

hey happy friday and beginning of summer break everyone!

hope everyone did well on their finals and if ur traveling home travel safe!

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

Thank you!

x..RASHOMON..x:

gin and i already got home but thanks ig

arahabaki:

It wouldn’t kill you to just say thanks 

x..RASHOMON..x:

genuinely i think it would

arahabaki:

Ok

nothuman:

guys i think atsushi is broken 😐

butterfly:

?????

Why

nothuman:

idk

he’s being pissy and it’s pissing me off

alphatiger:

?!?!?!?!?

I am NOT being pissy

What are you talking about

nothuman:

see!!!! he’s being sooooooo pissy

alphatiger:

I'M NOT

YOU’RE STARTING RUMORS!!!!

x..RASHOMON..x:

i cant believe dazai is going to make me side with the furry

alphatiger:

BRO WHAT

OK HOLD ON

SO MANY FALSEHOODS ARE BEING MADE

FIRST AND FOREMOST I AM NOT A FURYR

FURRY

FAKE NEWS

FAKE NEWS CREATED BY THOSE WHO WANT TO SEE MY DOWNFALL

SECOND????????

I AM NOT PISSY BUT I WILL BE IN A MIN IF DAZAI KEEPS PUSHING IT

boydetective:

And third?!?!

alphatiger:

There is no third thing just the two

WAIT WHY

IS THERE ANOTHER RUMOR ABT ME?!?!?!?!

boydetective:

I heard that your hairdresser hates you!

alphatiger:

?????

I don’t have a hairdresser I cut my own hair?

boydetective:

Oh my god.

Atsushi, when did the self-loathing begin?

alphatiger:

AT THE FUCKING ORPHANAGE RANPO

IT STARTED THERE

nothuman:

wrong server

alphatiger:

Idgaf anymore it’s MY lore

And my college essay about it was KILLER

boydetective:

CHRIST

NOT THE FUCKING ORPHANAGE!!!

I’m sorry your parents didn’t want you

alphatiger:

That’s a crazy statement to say to an orphan

nothuman:

well actually you’re 18 so you’re an adult babes you can’t be an orphan anymore

and more specifically your parents are unknown to you, so they could be alive and you technically wouldn’t be an orphan

alphatiger:

Man I can’t have shit in this friend group

I can’t even be an orphan

butterfly:

NOT U GUYS REVOKING HIS ORPHAN CARD

boydetective:

I was an orphan once.

But then I was adopted!

Atsushi can’t relate

nothuman:

yeah atsushi ur being offensive to REAL orphans 

like ranpo

and gin

and ryuunosuke 

x..RASHOMON..x:

ok first and foremost

dont call me by my first name

second dont use me to justify invalidating someone elses life

thanks.

nothuman:

damn the orphans are pissy today

bookworm:

I think we all need to relax

butterfly:

shhhhhhh

I wanna see where this is gonna go

boydetective:

Same 

I’m curious

Akutagawa just defended Atsushi basically

This is interesting

thegoldraven:

I would technically be an orphan ?

boydetective:

WAIT WHAT

LORE?

thegoldraven:

My father left my mother and me , then she died the following year .

But it’s okay because my uncle and aunt took me in !

natnatsuko:

Can we talk about something less depressing

alphatiger:

My bad

Sorry my life is depressing 😐

natnatsuko:

Damn Dazai’s right, you are pissy

alphatiger:

I AM NOT!!! 

natnatsuko:

Honestly have a question for you

alphatiger:

Ok?

natnatsuko:

Why the lopsided bangs

Genuinely why

alphatiger:

OK

YOU GUYS NEED TO RELAX ABT THE BANGS

I LIKE THEM

AND HONESTLY WHY ARE YOU ON MY SHIT WHEN CHUUYA NAKAHARA HAS HALF OF HIS HAIR LONG AND THE OTHER HALF SHORT LIKE WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT

“OH ATSUSHI NO ONE SAID ANYTHING ABOUT CHUUYA” THAT’S MY FUCKING POINT EXACTLY ACTUALLY

HIS HAIR IS WAY MORE FUCKED UP THAN MINE 

AND FUCKED UP BANGS ARE NORMAL

HOW THE FUCK U WALKING AROUND WITH THE BACK OF YOUR HEAD LIKE THAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

AND NO ONE SAYS A WORD ABT IT BUT MY BANGS ARE THE PROBLEM?!?!?!?!

YALL PISSED ME OFF I AM PISSY BYE

x..RASHOMON..x:

jesus christ

arahabaki:

Man what 😐

I did nothing

nothuman:

wait lil bro cooked

arahabaki:

HE DID NOT

alphatiger:

AND ANOTHER THING

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

Oh my god he’s not done

I’m scared

alphatiger:

DAZAI IS AT LEAST 87% MUMMIFIED 

BUT MY ASS GETS SHIT ON?!?!?!?

PRETTY PRIVILEGE 

FUCK YOU 

YALL ARE DEAD TO ME!!! DEAD!!

JUST LIKE MY PARENTS BC I AM AN ORPHAN

SUCK ON MY COCK

butterfly:

Junichiro check on this guy 😭

shadow.praiser:

no what the fuck

im scared that im next

yall bitches r on UR OWN!

nothuman:

atsushi we’re sorry

x..RASHOMON..x:

lmao yall got flamed by nakajima thats crazy

boydetective:

Make fun of Akutagawa 😐

alphatiger:

Why

boydetective:

Bc it would be funny???

He got them microbangs

Guys honestly I just might hate bangs now reflecting

x..RASHOMON..x:

my hair is fine

nothuman:

me when i’m wrong and in denial

arahabaki:

The Nile is a  river in Egypt, your hair is fucked

x..RASHOMON..x:

NOT TAKING CRITICISM FROM YOU HALF OFF

nothuman:

fight! fight! fight!

arahabaki:

I’m stopping Dazai’s liking this too much

nothuman:

awh :(

thegoldraven:

Happy end of finals week everyone !

Sorry for not saying that sooner by the way , but I am now in Yokohama ! 🙂

boydetective:

DEAD AND ASS?????????!?!?!?!?!

thegoldraven:

Yes , dead and ass !

boydetective:

GIVE ME UR ADDRESS RIGHT NOW

WE ARE GOINF TO HANG OUT RN 

PLSPLSPLS

thegoldraven:

I have privately messaged you :)

butterfly:

So fuck the rest of us I guess??? :|

boydetective: 

Now you’re getting it!

butterfly: 

OK.

thegoldraven:

I am not good with crowds :(

Maybe sometime I will get to see you all individually :)

boydetective:

*with me

thegoldraven:

With Ranpo

PM

nothuman aka dazai 

Today at 12:57 PM

arahabaki:

Hey question

nothuman:

god i’m scared what’s up

arahabaki:

Are Ranpo and Poe dating?

nothuman:

why? would that be a problem for you? 😐

arahabaki:

No???

I’m literally gay but ok 

I’m just wondering cause I’m confused

nothuman:

oh tea

no one knows but they will probably end up dating or smth

they met online tho so lmao loooossseeerrrs

arahabaki:

That’s a little mean

nothuman:

ugh chillax goodie two shoes i say it jokingly

arahabaki:

You chillax I can’t tell your tone over text

For a smart guy, you’re actually pretty dumb

nothuman:

AWH! you think i’m pretty!

arahabaki:

DIE

among us in real life

general-chat

butterfly:

Wait @boydetective what about my bangs

boydetective:

You’re gorgeous gorgeous sexy beautiful awesome amazing no matter what

You could be bald and still serving cunt

butterfly:

LMFAO LETS FUCKING GOOOOO

alphatiger:

WHAT THE FUCK

butterfly:

🫵🏻🤣

alphatiger:

U GOTTA STOP THAT

butterfly:

That’s my signature move pookie can’t stop won’t stop

shadow.praiser:

cant stop wont stop…?

boydetective:

OH NO

AKIKO WHAT HAVE U DONE…

butterfly:

Am lost

shadow.praiser:

lucio… overwatch… game… play… ranpo log on rn…

boydetective:

NO IM GOING TO POE’S HOUSE WE CAN PLAY LATER

shadow.praiser:

me rn

nothuman:

HOLY FUCK HES ACTUALLY TWEAKING OUT

arahabaki:

BRO

boydetective:

DUDE HOLY SHIT RELAX

butterfly:

What no bitches does to a mf 😭😭😭

Someone quick protect Atsushi and Akutagawa

alphatiger:

I GET BITCHES???

IVE GOT BITCHES

FUCK OFF

x..RASHOMON..x:

i dont get bitches i am gay

i also respect women and dont call them bitches

but to each their own 

nothuman:

@alphatiger

alphatiger:

I’m sick to my stomach.

I’m ill. You all have sickened me.

boydetective:

Just date Akutagawa and you both can lose the bitchless allegations

alphatiger:

lol that would be crazy...

doppo_poet:

I always thought Atsushi would end up with Dazai.

x..RASHOMON..x:

brother euuuuugh what

alphatiger:

If I somehow ended up with Dazai, it would be a competition to see who would kill themself first 😐

And I’d win trust

#winner 😎

boydetective:

Crazy how you have said nothing against Akutagawa

alphatiger:

Was more offended by the Dazai allegation made by KUNIKIDA OF ALL PEOPLE???

What have I done to yall like cmon

nothuman:

i feel like i should be offended 😐

butterfly:

🫵🏻🤣

nothuman:

IT’S NOT FUNNY WHEN YOU DO IT TO ME 😭😭😭😭

alphatiger:

I’m gonna lay in my bed and blast sad music bc yall hate me

xX.demonsnow.Xx:

Damn you’re pissy today

alphatiger:

I AM NOT PISSY!!!!!!!

Chapter Text

Ranpo was never good at knowing where he was going, but he was determined to find his way to finally meet Poe.

Yokohama was warm today, mostly due to the transition to summer. The last stretch of spring was upon them, but it was not too hot where it was unbearable. Ranpo would argue that it was the perfect weather. The streets weren’t bustling with people, especially now that most of the university students had gone home. This both relieved and annoyed Ranpo; relieved him as there was no one to bother him on his quest, but annoyed him because that means he has to go out of his way to ask for directions if he needed it. Luckily, Fukuzawa made sure Ranpo’s phone was equipped with not just the Maps app that comes with it, but also Waze and Google Maps just in case he needed some variety. He, however, didn’t like the fact that Fukuzawa tracked him on Life360, but beggars can’t be choosers.

Luckily, coincidentally, or maybe at this point, by fate, Poe lived only a few blocks away. He lived in a place that was close enough to the university that getting there wasn’t a hassle, but far enough away that there wouldn’t be a lot of loitering considering he moved to a place that was not as close to the city as other places were. Ranpo knew that Dazai and Yosano, for example, moved to a place that was between the university and the city so they could easily walk everywhere.

When Ranpo was at Poe’s address, he was basically shaking in excitement. As much as he loved all his friends (Yosano especially—she was clearly his best friend), there was something about Poe that drew him in. They were almost always on the same wavelength and their conversations discussing their theories on many cases that have gone cold, their hobbies, Poe’s mysteries, and etc. were more… exciting than the conversations he usually had. Ranpo was absolutely sure that Dazai was the only person in the friend group that would be able to keep up with him, but the issue was that Dazai didn’t take anything seriously enough which irked Ranpo. He was sure that if he actually tried, he’d be able to do it. On the flip, Poe didn’t need to try because he was just like Ranpo! The fact they met somehow was fate and while Ranpo wasn’t a big believer in fate or whatever, he wasn’t sure there was any other way to describe it all. 

Knocking on the door, he waited a few minutes before it slowly creaked open, with Poe poking his head out the crack to see who it was. This would be the first time the two ever met and while Poe knew what Ranpo looked like (they had exchanged Instagrams), this would be the first time Ranpo had ever seen Poe. Poe’s Instagram just had like… artsy, aesthetic photos, none of which had his face!

Ranpo wasn’t one for focusing on what people looked like. Honestly, he felt focusing on someone’s physical appearance meant nothing as it wasn’t indicative of their personality and gave him really nothing to work with. Poe, however… Well, Ranpo was stunned, if he were to be honest. Poe was like… really tall. Much taller than Ranpo, anyway. He had kind of long, brown hair that looked kind of purple in the sunlight. He was lowkey rocking a mullet, but Ranpo could ignore that. As a self-proclaimed bangs hater, Ranpo immediately regretted that proclamation as Poe’s bangs were so long and covered his eyes, but he was still handsome. He could see Poe’s right eye peeking out from behind his bangs and it looked gray. When Poe came out of the door more and the sun hit his face, his eye seemed to be violet? Ranpo questioned if anyone could be this ethereal.

“Eddie?” Ranpo asked even though he already knew this must be him.

“Yes… Ranpo?” Poe asked, sounding a bit awkward. Ranpo was determined to alleviate any tension.

“Eddie!” Ranpo exclaimed happily, “welcome to Yokohama!”

———

Poe’s house was nice. He had given Ranpo a “house tour” (much to Ranpo’s pleading) and the house had three bedrooms—one was Poe’s, another was an “office” that he was most definitely going to use to play games, write, and do schoolwork, and finally (and in Ranpo’s opinion, the best room), was a room for Karl and all his toys! Ranpo immediately whipped out his phone. Most things hadn’t been unpacked yet and it seemed that Poe was still waiting for some furniture arrive, but other than that, it seemed to all be coming together nicely.

“Can I take a picture of Karl, please?” He asked, “and send it to the server? Please? Please? ” Poe could not deny him.

“Of course,” he said, voice soft. He was much more awkward in person despite Ranpo’s best efforts, but Ranpo could see that he was making an effort to be less awkward and it was appreciated!

“Can I send the photo of him in the server?” Ranpo asked, looking at Poe pleadingly. Poe nodded.

“Of course you can,” he replied, looking at Ranpo’s shoulder to see the picture of Karl he took. “Karl is quite photogenic. He lives to be in front of the camera, but that’s to be expected when someone is as cute as he is.”

Ranpo smiled. “I agree!”

among us in real life

general-chat

Today at 1:07 PM

boydetective:

Hi

[picture of Karl]

butterfly:

GASP

HE IS SO HANDSOME

arahabaki:

Damn Poe looks a little different than what I thought

nothuman:

ugh that was kind of funny

i’ll give it to you chibi

arahabaki:

CHIBI?

butterfly:

@thegoldraven is ranpo being a good house guest?

thegoldraven:

Yes ! The very best !

nothuman:

ranpo now that you’re there you need to download discord on this man’s computer

boydetective:

TRUE

I’m on it Dazai I won’t disappoint

nothuman:

thank you soldier 🫡

Poe laughed at the message and Ranpo looked at him in amusement. This wasn’t the first time Ranpo has heard Poe laugh and it certainly won’t be the last—it was just different experiencing it in person.

“Unfortunately, I haven’t set up my computer yet,” Poe responded, “my desk still needs to be built.”

“Awh,” Ranpo said, “I’ll force you to download it another time then!”

“Sounds like a plan,” Poe said, “but I do have something that you might be interested in…” He walked away, but motioned Ranpo to follow. He did and the two were in Poe’s kitchen. Opening the cabinet above the fridge, he pulled out a bag and placed it on the counter in front of Ranpo. He didn’t open it, but gestured for Ranpo to open it. Ranpo wasn’t an idiot, he knew exactly what this was…

American candy!

“I’m in love with you,” Ranpo said as he looked at the contents inside. He wasn’t entirely sure if his statement was facetious or not, but that’s not the point. The point was he was going to stuff his face with the candy and nobody—not Poe, Karl, or even Fukuzawa—was going to stop him.

“I hope you enjoy it,” Poe responded, not acknowledging Ranpo’s proclamation, “I brought it for you. Enjoy as much as you like!”

Ranpo decided at that moment that, no matter what, Poe was going to be his best friend of all time.

among us in real life

general-chat

Today at 4:45 PM

arahabaki:

Can we change the server name

It’s kind of upsetting to read it 💀

butterfly:

Gonna hard agree

nothuman:

i didn’t really expect it to be used after among us tbh

alphatiger:

Fair

nothuman:

done being pissy?

alphatiger:

Yeah I listened to the new Billie Eilish album so I’m a new person

Stream Hit Me Hard And Soft <3

x..RASHOMON..x:

insane statement

alphatiger:

Oh hush

arahabaki:

Server name ideas???

Unless dazai isn’t down to change it 😐

nothuman:

i’ll change it

but also yosano has server privileges

butterfly:

Oh I do?

nothuman:

yeah i like to give women rights

butterfly:

STFU 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

nothuman:

LMFAO

x..RASHOMON..x:

i know you guys are in a server called gayency

and we have one called yokohomos

what about something that combines the two

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

The YokoHomo Gayency?

x..RASHOMON..x:

great suggestion gin!

nothuman:

ugh now i have to use that

or else ryuunosuke is gonna be as pissy as atsushi was earlier

x..RASHOMON..x:

DONT CALL ME BY MY FIRST NAME

nothuman:

we all call gin by her first name though

not seeing why we can’t call you by yours

x..RASHOMON..x:

because thats what she wants to be called and im going to respect her wishes.

arahabaki:

Fair

nothuman:

ugh you all going against me is mean

arahabaki:

Oh and you would know mean

nothuman:

?

x..RASHOMON..x:

oh this is gonna get good

arahabaki:

Like when you were an asshole in high school 🫠

nothuman:

LMFAO WHAT

you’re actually braindead

does your small size inhibit oxygen intake to the brain? be real

your dumbass friends and you were obnoxious to everyone i just didn’t take their shit

like your friend shirase especially was a dumb cunt but im the bad guy for not taking his shit

butterfly:

Maybe rehashing high school is meant for private messages

x..RASHOMON..x:

i went to high school with the two of them and dazai bullied me

nothuman:

LMFAO

ok yeah that’s true tbh

doppo_poet:

WHY DID YOU SAY “LMFAO” ABOUT THAT?!

nothuman:

cause it was funny

arahabaki:

You’re only proving my point!

nothuman:

i’m really not

i only clowned on akutagawa bc he was clingy and always following me around

i didn’t clown on anyone else and in fact i was SUPER nice to people which includes gin, HIS SISTER.

gin vouch for me

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

You were nice to me but i didn’t like how you treated ryuu

nothuman:

that’s neither here nor there

anyway high school was like a billion years ago and the only reason why i have any of you in here is because of the overlap of friends 

like i know that akutagawa and atsushi are friends

x..RASHOMON..x:

were really not friends

nothuman:

ok sure

i know kouyou is kyouka’s big in their sorority 

thegoldendemon:

That I am!

nothuman:

and tbh i invited chuuya by accident

arahabaki:

I honestly figured that

alphatiger:

Can we talk abt something nicer

Oh wait actually nvm i’m going out rn lol

Be lame

butterfly:

Sassy man apocalypse has inflicted my man atsushi someone free him

“Ugh, all they do in this server is yap, yap, yap!” Ranpo exclaimed, his mouth full of candy.

“I like it,” Poe admitted, “it’s fun to see what antics you’ve all found yourselves in.” Ranpo shrugged.

“Speaking of antics, can you help me find my way back home?” He asked. Poe already knew about Ranpo being directionally challenged. He smiled fondly at Ranpo.

“Of course.”

———

The two walked through Yokohama with Ranpo telling Poe about different places to eat at (all the recommendations being about the dessert). There was a point, however, where Ranpo stopped in front of an alleyway. Before Poe could question, Ranpo put a finger to his month and then, as stealthily as either of them could be, peeked in.

“That’s Atsushi and… Akutagawa?” Ranpo said as quietly as he could to Poe. 

“I thought they weren’t friends,” Poe responded just as quietly. 

“And I thought Akutagawa went home?” Ranpo retorted, confused.

The two watched as Akutagawa pulled Atsushi close to him and the KISSED him! Ranpo’s jaw dropped and Poe pushed his jaw back up only for it to reopen. Poe kept his hand there to make sure it stayed closed. Thankfully, neither Poe or Ranpo made a sound and their presence was relatively unknown. Ranpo regained his senses and took Poe’s phone. Poe strangely let him and saw him take a picture of the two. Ranpo then grabbed Poe and hurried away, walking the wrong way from where they should be going. Poe didn’t know if that was intentional or not.

Once Ranpo brought them someplace far away enough for them to talk without being caught, he handed Poe his phone back.

“I have many questions,” Poe asked the moment he could, “what? And also, why my phone?”

“I used your phone because I can’t ever turn off the stupid shutter noise and I figured yours would be off,” Ranpo answered, “and what is a great question! I mean, I figured that there was something going on between those two considering they hung out way too much regardless of them being lab partners but… secretly dating? I’m offended I’m only finding out now and neither of them told me.”

“Well… maybe they want to keep it private?” Poe said, sounding unsure, “perhaps they felt that secrecy was the best course of action, considering the people in the server and what not.”

“I mean… I guess!” Ranpo said, but he was still offended. He thought he and Atsushi had a good relationship! Good enough of a friendship to tell him about his secret relationship with Akutagawa at least! “Whatever. I already sent myself the photo. I won’t send it out or do anything with it… not yet, at least.”

Poe laughed and Ranpo smiled. “I can’t imagine why they wouldn’t tell anyone about their relationship,” Poe said ironically. Ranpo laughed.

“Yeah, see! You get it!”

Poe let out a final huff, though his smile at Ranpo couldn’t be anything other than fond. “Let’s get you home.”

———

The two finally reached Ranpo’s house, or rather, Fukuzawa’s house. Despite being new to the area, Poe was pretty good at finding his way and Ranpo was happy to follow along. The house was quaint, but it was so obvious it was a professor’s house. Poe liked the ceramic cat yard decorations.

“Welp, this is it,” Ranpo said, a bit sad that their time together was over.

“Yes. It was so great finally meeting you in person today, Ranpo,” Poe responded in earnest, “I hope we get to do it again sometime soon.”

“Like tomorrow?!” Ranpo asked, all too excited. Poe let out a small laugh.

“Maybe let me focus on unpacking first so the next time you come over, it’s less messy and hectic,” Poe answered, “then we can have more fun.” Ranpo liked the sound of that!

“It’s a deal!” Ranpo exclaimed. He gave Poe a thumbs up, which was reciprocated. He opened the door, but turned back to Poe quickly. “I know your computer isn’t set up, so I won’t beg you to play, but if you want to live vicariously through me, I’ll stream any game you want on discord so you can watch!”

Poe laughed again and Ranpo wanted to keep making him laugh. “I will keep that in mind, Ranpo,” he said, “thank you very much. Today was a great day. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Text me when you get home so I know you got home alright!”

“I will. Goodbye, Ranpo.”

PM

butterfly aka Yosano

Today at 6:39 PM

boydetective:

KIKI

HE’S HOT

butterfly:

EDO PLS 😭

Did y’all kiss?

boydetective:

….

If I send you something YOU MUST keep it secret

Not even Dazai can know

And I’ll know that if this gets out, it was you and I will revoke your best friend status from me forever and never talk to you again

butterfly:

OH MY GOD?!?!?!

YOU GOT IT ON CAMERA?!?!?

You can send I’m not a snitch

boydetective:

[atsushi and akutagawa photo]

I didn't get a kiss, but someone else did for sure :)

butterfly:

WAIT

HOLY FUCK

NO WAY?!?!?!????!?!? ?!??!?!?!?!

RANPO

RANPO WHAT

EDOGAWA RANPO WHAT

NO WAY?!?!??!!??!!?

IM TWEAKING OUT

U SHOULD’VE NOT SHARED THIS WITH ME

IM GONNA SCREAM

boydetective:

YOU CAN’T TELL ANYONE

ONLY YOU ME AND POE KNOW

ATSU AND AKU DONT KNOW THAT WE KNOW

SO YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING TO THEM EITHER

butterfly:

You have my silence…………

Just know that I need to be promoted

boydetective:

Promoted to what bitch you’re already my best friend

butterfly:

FOR THIS?????? WIFE.

IDGAF THAT IM A LESBIAN

LIKE THIS IS A SECRET THAT NEEDS A MARTIAL VOW TO KEEP IT

boydetective:

Ugh fine you can be my wife

But when I make Poe my bf, I don’t want to hear any jealousy coming from you

butterfly:

Deal 😭

Jesus fucking christ

Atsushi was right though. He do got bitches ig 😐

HE GOT BITCHES BEFORE ME?????

DUDE..............

This is fucking crazy.

I actually gotta go I’m literally logging off I’ll talk to you in twelve hours

boydetective:

OK?!?!?!?!? LMFAO?!?!??!

bye bye wifey :3c

Chapter Text

“I couldn’t wait two more weeks to see you. I’m outside your place. Let’s go into town."

Akutagawa had sent Atsushi a Snapchat video. Immediately, Atsushi hopped out of his bed and peeked out his window. Sure enough, he saw Akutagawa’s car waiting outside. His windows were beyond tinted, so he couldn’t see inside the car to verify he was inside, but there was no reason for Akutagawa to bother leaving his car. It was unexpected for Akutagawa to be here, considering that he lived over an hour away.

Atsushi quickly changed. Even though it was about 5PM, he was still in his pajamas. What? He didn’t originally have any plans today, but now that he did, he needed to get ready!

He threw on a white sweatshirt, not bothering to put a shirt on underneath, and black cargos. He quickly put on his sneakers and rushed out of his room. Kyouka and Naomi were out, doing “girl stuff,” which meant that Junichiro was the only one home. Atsushi knocked on his bedroom door.

“Come in!”

Opening the door, Atsushi was met with a lot of color . Junichiro was a big fan of those lamps that projected colorful lights on the ceiling. His room was pretty sick and he unpacked the fastest out of everyone. He was sitting at his desk and ironically, he wasn’t playing Overwatch or any other game. It looked like he was doing work of some kind, but he had turned to look at Atsushi.

“Hey I’m going out. Just wanted to let you know,” he said.

“Oh? Okay, cool. I’ll see you later then!” Junichiro responded with a smile, “let me know if you end up getting food or not while you’re out. If not, I’ll save you some dinner.”

“Thanks! I’ll text you,” Atsushi responded before closing Junichiro’s door and heading out. He went to Akutagawa’s car and hopped in the passenger seat.

He couldn’t contain his excitement. After closing the door, he hugged Akutagawa the best he could over the car’s console. Akutagawa laughed at him, but hugged him back. When the hug finally ended, Akutagawa twirled one of Atsushi’s sweatshirt strings around his finger.

“Is this mine?” He asked, eyebrow (or… where one would be…) raised.

“It just might be,” Atsushi responded in earnest, “we’re the same size in clothes, so I kind of don’t know what’s mine versus yours anymore.”

“You always buy ill-fitting clothes and that looks like it fits you,” Akutagawa responded. Atsushi huffed.

“Did you drive all this way to make fun of my clothes?” Atsushi asked, a slight pout on his lips.

“Of course not, Jinko,” Akutagawa answered, leaning across the console to kiss Atsushi. He reciprocated. While the kiss was short, it was enough to satiate Atsushi into dropping his complaint against Akutagawa.

Akutagawa drove them into town, the radio softly playing music from a playlist Atsushi had made for him halfway through the last semester. The streets were a bit busier, as people were going out for dinner or drinks at this hour. Atsushi worried that they’d see someone they both knew. Surely, none of them would be out right now… right?

“Jinko, where do you want to go?”

“Wherever you are,” Atsushi responded, trying to sound as corny as possible. The face Akutagawa made proved he was successful.

“Oh… God,” he responded, “maybe the two weeks away is needed.”

“Knock it off,” Atsushi said, “you coming here unprompted proves that you couldn’t do it.”

“Well, I knew you wouldn’t visit me.”

“I don’t have a car!”

Akutagawa shrugged. “Whatever you say Jinko.” He was teasing Atsushi now.

“At least it’s not six months,” Atsushi responded.

“Christ, why the Hell would you say that?” Akutagawa asked. Atsushi shrugged, a smirk on his face.

“Maybe I’ll study abroad in America,” Atsushi said, “you know, because you want time away from me.”

“You’re taking my joke and going too far with it,” he commented. Looking around, there were no spots to park. “Honestly, what the fuck? I know it’s a Friday, but everyone needs to go home.”

Atsushi pointed to an alley. “Can you park there? It says nothing about no parking.”

“I’ll check, but I typically tend to steer clear of alleyways,” Akutagawa commented.

“What?” Atsushi asked, dumbfounded, “can I ask why?”

“Oh, you know, I wear all black, am an orphan,” Akutagawa began, turning into the alleyway, “I might think the city needs me.”

“Alright Joker, relax,” Atsushi said. Akutagawa scoffed.

“Oh, what? You’d be Batman?”

“What? This isn’t even a conversation,” Atsushi said, feigning offense, “I’d be Spider-Man… duh .” Akutagawa let out a laugh that turned into a coughing fit. Thankfully at this point, he was parked. Atsushi patted his back, as if that were to somehow help him. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, it wasn’t really that funny,” Akutagawa responded after he got over the coughing fit, “just bad timing.”

“Alright, that was sort of mean!”

Akutagawa chuckled to himself. “Let’s just go get something to eat.”

The two got out of his car and before they left, Akutagawa grabbed Atsushi and pulled him to him. Akutagawa kissed him and Atsushi was more than happy to return the favor. The kiss was also an embrace, with Akutagawa wrapping his arms around Atsushi’s back whereas Atsushi rested his around Akutagawa’s shoulders. The kiss ended, but neither pulled back. They just rested their foreheads together.

“Just two days without me and this is how you’re acting,” Atsushi joked. Akutagawa grimaced.

“I can go back home.”

“No, please stay,” Atsushi said, his voice quiet. He moved his head to the crook of Akutagawa’s neck, moving his arms out of the way by wrapping them around Akutagawa’s torso. “I missed you too.”

Akutagawa sighed, rubbing circles on Atsushi’s back. “Can I be honest with you, Jinko?”

Atsushi swore that his heart stopped beating. It was unlikely that Akutagawa was going to break up with him right now, all things considered, but Atsushi had learned from a young age to always expect the worst. Just when he was at his happiest, it could all come crashing down.

“Yes, Ryuu?” Atsushi asked, moving his face from Akutagawa’s neck and looking at his face. Akutagawa looked a bit unsure.

“I… I kind of don’t want to hide our relationship anymore.” He sighed, now having his turn to put his head somewhere and resting it on Atsushi’s shoulder. “I know originally, we agreed it would be mutually beneficial to keep what we were doing a secret, but I think we’ve come far enough in the relationship to be a couple publicly. And to stop kissing in alleyways… next to dumpsters.” Atsushi laughed at the last bit, his hands at the nape of Akutagawa’s neck and toying with the ends of his hair.

“If you want people to know we’re dating, I don’t mind,” Atsushi said earnestly, “my issue is just… we already get clowned on for dating even though no one knows we’re dating, so I’m just worried that all the new stuff we’re gonna get from everyone will… you know, cause, uh, resentment.” He felt a bit embarrassed about it. Akutagawa raised his head, looking at Atsushi skeptically.

“Resentment? ” He asked. Atsushi nodded. “Jinko, I don’t care about what any of your stupid friends say—no offense—and my friends know better than to voice any judgment they have of me.”

“Okay, then… we don’t need to stay a secret if you’re sure about it,” Atsushi said. In full transparency, Atsushi had only wanted their relationship to stay under wraps when they first started dating, worried about what would happen if they came out as a couple only to break up. Now that they’ve been dating for a little over six months, he wasn’t too worried about that anymore. Well, maybe he was still a little worried, but not as much as he was originally! “I do think we should wait until after you’ve moved back though.”

“Oh, of course,” Akutagawa said, “and I don’t want a big ‘coming out’ thing. I just don’t want to hide it anymore…” A smirk appeared on his face and Atsushi wasn’t very happy about it. Akutagawa had a few smirks—most that weren’t often seen—but this one was his evil smirk. “How about this?” He began, “we no longer hide our relationship, but we see how long it takes for everyone to catch on?”

Atsushi stifled a laugh. “Oh please, it’ll take nothing. Have you met Ranpo?”

Akutagawa’s smirk remained. “What if we made a bet?”

“A bet?” Atsushi asked, feigning astonishment, “alright, what do I need to do?”

“Nothing,” Akutagawa said, “we do absolutely nothing and whoever’s friend group figures it out first wins. The only rule is that neither of us can tell anyone anything.”

“Calling unfair immediately because I know Gin knows already!”

“Obviously she won’t be included,” Akutagawa said, “and Lucy doesn’t count either.”

“I figured that,” Atsushi said, “what do I get when I win?”

“Whatever you want,” Akutagawa responded, “because you’re not gonna win. What do I want from you? You’ll find out when I win the bet.”

Atsushi grimaced. “That makes me scared.”

“Oh don’t be nervous, Jinko,” Akutagawa said, a fond (and rare!) smile on his face. “It’s nothing too bad.”

Atsushi was beginning to regret his deal.

the yokohomos gaygency

general-chat

Today at 8:32 PM

shadow.praiser:

guys i set off the fire alarm

what do i do

doppo_poet:

Is there a fire?

shadow.praiser:

no i just severely burnt my food lol

i was cooking and then the urge to pee overcame me

i thought i turned off the stove but i turned the knob the wrong way ahaahahaha 🙂

dont bully me too harshly guys i put out the og fire it wasnt hard the kitchen is just smokey

doppo_poet:

Open the windows, turn on a fan, and hope for the best.

You might need to call the fire department.

shadow.praiser:

i dont wish to do that

nothuman:

fire………

interesting

arahabaki:

Bro is thinking about killing himself via carbon monoxide poisoning

nothuman:

OMG

that just might be the perfect suicide!

arahabaki:

WELL DONT DO IT ANYTIME SOON

WE SHARE A HOUSE

nothuman:

ugh don’t remind me

that might make me just do it

arahabaki:

You’re such a loser

nothuman:

takes one to know one 🤗

alphatiger:

Damn cat fight

x..RASHOMON..x:

you are all idiots

butterfly:

…

Wow to just everything here

alphatiger:

WAIT JUNICHIRO ARE YOU OKAY???

AND IS OUR KITCHEN OKAY?!?!?!?!?

shadow.praiser:

DID U GUYS NOTICE HOW ATSUSHI ASKED ABT ME AND DIDNT PLOT HIS OWN DEATH?

BE LIKE HIM

thanks for worrying about me baby im all good

no dinner though pookie im not nara smith

animal_crossing:

I like her videos! They’re very calming!

goldendemon:

I’m sorry but if was 22 years old and had 3 kids under 3, I would simply not be making cheese its from scratch.

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

Her kids names are crazy

Slim easy, rumble honey, and the new kid is named whimsey

x..RASHOMON..x:

thats fucking crazy

alphatiger:

Imagine naming your kid whimsey 😭

x..RASHOMON..x:

imagine naming your kid Atsushi Nakajima

alphatiger:

😐

Imagine being named Ryuunosuke Akutagawa 

x..RASHOMON..x:

my name is superior to yours in every single way

butterfly:

You can fix his name by proposing

boydetective:

YOSANO?!

Lol that’s crazy

Imagine them getting married hahaha very funny!

PM

butterfly aka Yosano

boydetective:

STOP IT

butterfly:

THAT WAS YOU

I WAS BEING FUNNY

STOP BEING AWKWARD

boydetective:

UGH I HATE GAY PEOPLE

the yokohomos gaygency

general-chat

natnatsuko:

Um. ok.

Akutagawa why are you in yokohama

I have your location still

x..RASHOMON..x:

i realized i had a final paper that had to be fucking handed in by the end of today

i couldnt submit it online because the professor is a moron

natnatsuko:

Which professor?

x..RASHOMON..x:

that clown fukuchi

the old fuck needs to die

boydetective:

Damn 

butterfly:

What was the paper about

x..RASHOMON..x:

??

why the fuck do you care

butterfly:

Damn bro sorry for asking a question 😭

U pissy asf

What is with orphans and being pissy

alphatiger:

NOPE

NO

NOT THIS AGAIN

I WILL LEAVE THE SERVER

butterfly:

Hm.

Pissy.

alphatiger has left the server.

Chapter Text

PM

ratking.18 aka Fyodor

Today at 2:00 AM

ratking.18:

Hello Dazai ^.^

It’s been a while!

nothuman:

hi

i guess it has been

ratking.18:

Do you still go to Yokohama University?

nothuman:

yup

ratking.18:

Amazing!

I am transferring there this fall!

See you there! (:

nothuman:

awesome

the yokohomos gaygency

general-chat

Today at 2:11 AM

nothuman:

GONNA KMS

oh. wrong server.

x..RASHOMON..x:

why

nothuman:

can someone cooler respond

goldendemon:

Why?

nothuman:

cooler part down but

i need someone i’m actually friends with

arahabaki:

STOP BEING PICKY

butterfly:

Why are you going to kill yourself this time?

nothuman:

fyo is transferring to our school 😐

butterfly:

BRUH…

x..RASHOMON..x:

who is that

butterfly:

Spongebob Squarepants

x..RASHOMON..x:

I MEANT THE PERSON DAZAI IS BITCHING ABT

I KNOW WHO SPONGEBOB IS.

nothuman:

my ex lol

arahabaki:

So hard to believe someone willingly dated you

nothuman:

?!?!?!?!

i’ve dated so many people

blcklzrd:

Whore

WOAH? WHO SAID THAT?

x..RASHOMON..x:

hahahaha 

nothuman:

ugh now that i’ve changed this server name i keep getting it confused with the other one

x..RASHOMON..x:

the one im not in

nothuman:

and you will never get into

x..RASHOMON..x:

if i asked atsushi hed let me in

nothuman:

brother what

my man atsushi would never do that

x..RASHOMON..x:

hold on

alphatiger just showed up!

x..RASHOMON..x:

read up and give the answer

alphatiger:

I would

nothuman:

ok

that’s fucking insane but ok

maybe the orphanage needed to instill better values in you

alphatiger:

Oh they instilled something in me alright!

butterfly:

STOP

IF I HEAR YOUR TRAGIC, ANIME BACKSTORY AGAIN I’M GOING TO CRY AGAIN

animal_crossing:

?

What did they instill?

nothuman:

ok pushing past that

x..RASHOMON..x:

idk if thats something u can just push past thru

but ok

nothuman:

gin tell your brother to be speak when he’s spoken to

x..RASHOMON..x:

FIRST SHES NOT AWAKE

AND SECOND DONT DRAG HER INTO STUFF

I WILL RIP YOU APART LIMB BY LIMB 

boydetective:

Yeesh

Anyway, Dazai how do you know?

nothuman:

he just texted me and told me

butterfly:

LOSER LOSER LOSER

HOW DO U NOT HAVE THAT GUY BLOCKED

IM GOING TO BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF U

nothuman:

ugh baby girl don't threaten me with a good time...

arahabaki:

Wow ignoring that but

What did this guy even do that makes you all hate him?

nothuman:

lol 

nothing that i didn’t do back 

arahabaki:

When you die please donate your body to science

Cause they need to cut open your head and see what exactly was wrong with you

x..RASHOMON..x:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

fuck u dazai

boydetective:

Idk why Fyodor is texting you

He has a new boyfriend

butterfly:

Ok and how do you know that?

boydetective:

Ummmmmm bc I’m still following him on my burner instagram account?

Like a normal and completely sane individual?

Duh? Ahahaha 

x..RASHOMON..x:

wait what

does ur burner acc just happen to be shadowbeast94?

boydetective:

…

No?

x..RASHOMON..x:

WHY DID U START FOLLOWING ME ON THAT ACC?

boydetective:

Um…… I PLEAD THE FIFTH

x..RASHOMON..x:

THIS ISNT THE UNITED STATES THAT ISNT GOING TO WORK YOU SHORT FUCK

boydetective:

SHORT?!?!?!!?!??!

I'M ONLY TWO INCHES SHORTER THAN YOU, YOU SCRAWNY BITCH.

x..RASHOMON..x:

SCRAWNY???? I COULD PUMMEL YOU INTO THE DIRT

boydetective:

YEAH I’M SO AFRAID OF THE GUY WHO HAS TO FIGHT THE AIR TO BREATH

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO??? COUGH AT ME???

COUGH ON THIS DICK BITCH!!!!

butterfly:

This is the wildest argument I’ve ever witnessed

And I’m kind of living for it

x..RASHOMON..x:

LMFAO SURE

BET U WOULD LOVE THAT WOULDNT U

PINING VIRGIN

nothuman:

this was supposed to be about me what is happening

not to say i’m not enjoying it though

boydetective:

WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY “PINING VIRGIN”?!?!?!?!

x..RASHOMON..x:

SURELY U CAN DEDUCE WHAT I MEAN SINCE UR SO GOOD AT THAT

HOW ABT U DEDUCE THESE NUTS IN UR MOUTH

doppo_poet:

Now that just didn’t make any sense.

boydetective:

HERE’S A DEDUCTION FOR YOU;

[photo of Akutagawa and Atsushi]

MIC DROP FUCK YOU ID SAY SUCK MY COCK BUT IK YOU GOT ATSUSHI’S IN THERE AND WE WOULDN’T WANT YOU TO CHOKE ON COCK AND AIR

nothuman:

doppo_poet:

NO

FUCKING

WAY

WHAT

butterfly:

RANPO?!?!?!?!?

thegoldraven:

Wow

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

Clearly a doctored image

😐

shadow.praiser:

im sure akutagawa appreciates ur effort gin but there is literally 0 shot thats photoshopped

nice try tho we all appreciate ur effort

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

🙁

xX.demonsnow.Xx:

ATSUSHI??????????

alphatiger:

Does this mean I win? @x..RASHOMON..x

x..RASHOMON..x:

NO.

nothuman:

i’m breaking out in hives

i'm struggling to breathe...

i think this is it for me. i am dying.

goldendemon:

Speaking of winning, Kunikida…

doppo_poet:

Fuck.

What’s your venmo?

goldendemon:

Same as this username.

alphatiger:

YALL WERE BETTING???????

doppo_poet:

I really thought you and Dazai were going to end up together.

x..RASHOMON..x:

thats fucking disgusting.

doppo_poet:

WELL, I THOUGHT YOU HATED ATSUSHI.

I’M HONESTLY NOT VERY HAPPY WITH THIS REVELATION.

I AM WORRIED.

nothuman:

i think i’m going to be sick.

i feel ill.

hold on

butterfly:

Oh my god.

I can hear him throwing up.

boydetective:

Well, anything to say???

alphatiger:

We’ve been dating for over 6 months lol

x..RASHOMON..x:

yeah so the bitchless allegations were false

i do have a bitch.

butterfly:

Was I the bitchless one all along?

alphatiger:

IM GOING TO BED

nothuman:

NOT WITH AKUTAGAWA YOU’RE NOT!!

natnatsuko:

IM STILL IN SHOCK

butterfly:

I was in shock for like 12hrs when I found out

alphatiger:

Ranpo how did you even get this pic

boydetective:

I took it lol

You guys got sloppy ig?

#sniped

x..RASHOMON..x:

well my point still stands.

u can send all the pics u want

ur still a pining virgin lol

boydetective:

Like you’re any better????

x..RASHOMON..x:

well cant say i am pathetically pining

nor a virgin

butterfly:

Great thanks, I can hear Dazai throwing up again

x..RASHOMON..x:

🫠

nothuman:

ATSUSHI

ATSUSHI

MY LITTLE LAMB

HOW COULD U DO THIS TO THE FAMILY 

alphatiger:

I SAID IM GONG TO BED

GOODNIGHT EVERYONE GOODBYE

x..RASHOMON..x:

goodnight jinko

alphatiger:

Gn ryu :3

nothuman:

Chapter Text

iMessage

Ryuu 🖤❤️

Today at 11:39 AM

Wordle 1,069 4/6

🟩⬜⬜⬜⬜

🟩⬜⬜⬜⬜

🟩🟩⬜⬜⬜

🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

I got it in four! Yippee!

impressive jinko

im very proud of u

Thanks!

You’re coming back to Yokohama today right?!

(please say yes)

like i told u last night over the phone

gin and i will be arriving around one

were driving rn

:0!

WAIT

DONT TEXT AND DRIVE!!

gin is driving 

she asked. she is trying to be more comfortable with driving 

That’s so nice that you let her!

I know how weird you are about your car lol

i hope she gets more comfortable with it

so when she graduates i will get her a car

Ok damn alright mr money I see you

relax jinko

im hoping by the time she graduates i will have a good job

and i will get her a car

And what about me 😐

JKJK

i wouldnt worry too much if i were u

i have other plans for u

That just makes me nervous 🥴

the yokohomos gaygency

general-chat

Today at 11:54 AM

doppo_poet:

I got the Wordle in three.

alphatiger:

FUCK

I GOT IT IN ONLY FOUR

boydetective:

Oh idc about the Wordle

I do the connections

thegoldraven:

I love Wordle !

I got it in two today 😀

boydetective:

Brb gonna go do the wordle

alphatiger:

If he gets it in one I’m going to scream

boydetective:

Lube up those vocal chords then bro

Wordle 1,069 1/6

🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

alphatiger:

WHAT THE FUCK

nothuman:

haha it says 69

shadow.praiser:

haha i could hear atsu yelling

alphatiger:

We share a wall

shadow.praiser:

that we do pookie

nothuman:

watch out junichiro you might make akutagawa jealous

shadow.praiser:

they have only dated for like 6 months

atsu and i have been together for 2 yrs

weve been together since hs

we r forever

junatsu 4 life

x..RASHOMON..x:

i will kill u

i will tear u limb from limb from limb.

butterfly:

What’s with Atsushi attracting guys who don’t know grammar and have sisters?

light_finder:

Wild

butterfly:

Not gonna argue against the sister comment?

light_finder:

You either believe it or you don’t, it’s not my problem

butterfly:

Alrighty then!

x..RASHOMON..x:

OK HOLD ON

MY RELATIONSHIP WITH GIN IS NOT AT ALL WEIRD LIKE THE TANIZAKIS

UR CHILDHOOD FRIENDS? THEN WHY DO U HAVE THE SAME LAST NAME?

VERY ODD

THEY HAVE A PERVERSE AND INAPPROPRIATE RELATIONSHIP WHILE GIN AND I HAVE NOT ONLY AN APPROPRIATE RELATIONSHIP, WE ARE ALSO THE BEST

shadow.praiser:

hey! talk shit abt Naomi and i again and ur cough will be the last of ur worries! 😄

i will swat u! i know where ur moving to! LOL!

dont cross me u emo fuck! 🫶

doppo_poet:

Alright 2-1-1

nothuman:

what

doppo_poet:

That’s how many fights have happened in this server thus far.

The 2 is Akutagawa, the one 1 is Ranpo, and the other is Junichiro.

alphatiger:

Can we all just get along please 🙁

Also stop ganging up on Ryuu

nothuman:

DONT CALL HIM BY HIS FIRST NAME ATSUSHI

DONT LET THIS NIGHTMARE BE A REALITY

alphatiger:

What nightmare???

nothuman:

the nightmare that you and akutagawa are actually dating

alphatiger:

Can you relax

We are dating and nothing you can say will change that

nothuman:

what if i confessed my undying love for you

alphatiger:

That would scare me and only reinforce my feelings for Akutagawa.

nothuman:

ok that’s fucked up actually

animal_crossing:

Speaking of you and Akutagawa, how did that happen? :0!

Who confessed first??

x..RASHOMON..x:

dont ask such silly questions...

butterfly:

I’m gonna take a wild guess on who made the confession

shadow.praiser:

yeah im seriously having SUCH a hard time trying to figure out which 1 confessed

alphatiger:

Haha there wasn’t really any confession

It kind of just happened lol

nothuman:

what

shadow.praiser:

what

butterfly:

What

x..RASHOMON..x:

what

boydetective:

NO WAY

AKUTAGAWA CONFESSED AND NAKAJIMA DIDNT EVEN CATCH ON TO IT

WHAT

alphatiger:

WAIT HUH

x..RASHOMON..x:

atsushi…

😐😐😐

butterfly:

I’m so sorry but

🫵🏻🤣

x..RASHOMON..x:

KNOCK THAT OFF

alphatiger:

WHEN DID U CONFESS TO ME 😭😭😭😭

x..RASHOMON..x:

WHAT DO U MEAN

I CONFESSED TO U DURING THE FALL SEMESTER????

jinko…

alphatiger:

0 recollection

I thought we just naturally progressed into a relationship

nothuman:

yeah there’s no natural progression going from being enemies to putting his dick in your mouth atsushi 

alphatiger:

KNOCK THAT OFF

butterfly:

Awe they even say the same things <3

nothuman:

i’m gonna be fucking sick again

x..RASHOMON..x:

it wasnt a big confession or anything

i just told u how i felt

good to know how impactful that was 😐

alphatiger:

I’m sorry ☹️

x..RASHOMON..x:

lol dont be sorry its ok

nothuman:

you guys should break up 👍

x..RASHOMON..x:

i will slowly submerge u into skin eroding acid 👍

butterfly:

CHRIST

x..RASHOMON..x:

anyway

to spite dazai

im going to go see jinko

so go fuck urself ig

nothuman:

NOT IF I GO SEE HIM FIRST

x..RASHOMON..x:

HE PICKED ME NOT U GET OVER IT

I WIN

boydetective:

This is about Atsushi. Are we sure him picking one over the other is a win…

alphatiger:

Hard agree

boydetective:

You’re not supposed to agree with me now I feel bad 😭

Can you please have some more self respect so we can banter

alphatiger:

I disagree that my bangs suck

boydetective:

OH we are so back ty jinko

x..RASHOMON..x:

dont call him that only i get to call him that

boydetective:

UGH

I hate gay people.

It’s so hard being so straight all the time.

nothuman:

ugh you and kunikida with your straight pride

doppo_poet:

What? 

boydetective:

LMFAO!!!!!

Why do y’all homo sexuals get a month what about us VETERANS

thegoldraven:

Holy shit , I feel like I just teleported back into my uncle’s dining room .

boydetective:

LMFAO WHAT

thegoldraven:

That’s just some stuff he’d say .

He directed it at me too like I would know the answer .

butterfly:

…

Aren’t you gay?

doppo_poet:

YOSANO YOU CANNOT JUST ASK PEOPLE ABOUT THEIR SEXUALITY!

butterfly:

WHAT?!?!?!

I THOUGHT WE WERE ALL WORKING UNDER THE ASSUMPTION HE WAS FRUITY???

HE FITS IN SO WELL

nothuman:

poe, bad news buddy

if you didn’t know before, i’ll tell you now

you’re 💅🏳️‍🌈

boydetective:

YOU GUYS NEED TO LEAVE HIM ALONE

thegoldraven:

Lol 

Maybe

I never really thought about it .

I tend to focus my attention on more important things , such as my writing or Karl .

alphatiger:

That’s ok I never came out as bisexual, they all just assume that I am

butterfly:

…

Well…

Aren’t you?

alphatiger:

NO! 😭

nothuman:

HUH??

STRAIGHT?

AKUTAGAWA IS A MAN!

i think

akutagawa drop the pronouns rq

x..RASHOMON..x:

over/this

boydetective:

That’s really giving an American Republican energy…

animal_crossing:

They’re more like yee/haw

Cause none of them have an individual sense of humor

thegoldraven:

^^^

butterfly:

Atsushi what are you

alphatiger:

Pan

boydetective:

Awh! Chef! <3

alphatiger:

FUCK OFF LOL

thegoldraven:

Gotta be one of my favorite mythological greek entities 

#Capricorn

alphatiger:

Omg I’m a Taurus!

#earthsigns

x..RASHOMON..x:

im gay

nothuman:

we can tell by looking at you.

but thanks for the confirmation anyway

x..RASHOMON..x:

i hope u and ur exbf have all the same classes next semester

WITH CHUUYA.

arahabaki:

MAN WHAT DID I DO????

x..RASHOMON..x:

jinko open up

alphatiger:

It all started at the orphanage..

x..RASHOMON..x:

NO IM AT UR HOUSE OPEN THE DOOR

butterfly:

I’m going to start drinking every time I hear about the orphanage.

alphatiger:

I hope you like alcoholism!

Chapter Text

the yokohomos gaygency

general-chat

Today at 10:54 AM

nothuman:

anyone hear about the guy who got hit by a TRUCK and DIED THIS MORNING?

jealous.

animal_crossing:

Yes! I was actually there when it happened!

doppo_poet:

ARE YOU OKAY?

animal_crossing:

Yeah but the guy isn’t 

He dead dead

[link to article]

Someone already wrote about it! And I was interviewed!

shadow.praiser:

atsu u good bro? lol

just heard him yell 

alphatiger has left the server.

butterfly: 

????

Junichiro what did you do

You called him out and for what

nothuman:

omg junichiro killed atsushi 

bombed him 😔

doppo_poet:

ARE YOU GUYS GOING TO MAKE SURE HE’S OKAY OR GOING TO JUST KEEP CRACKING JOKES?

butterfly:

?

Is he not doing a bit?

PM

x..RASHOMON..x aka akutagawa

Today at 11:04 AM.