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No one had warned you. ABSOLUTELY no one had warned you that your body would be hot one minute and then hot the next. Out of nowhere. You know that joke about all the guys with middle aged wives who were doing whatever they could to survive her wild sex drive? Yeah, so that was probably true. Omg. OMG.
You throw yourself face down on the bed, hands gripping the blankets. You can’t even remember what drove your arousal through the roof this time. Could have been anything. Probably something in passing, like that song about sweat dripping down dirty laundry you heard 2 hours ago, or the clinch cover on the book someone was reading at lunch. You snuggle into the pillows and smell Ted. Warmth and strength and kindness. Sex with a mustache. And forearms. Whose love language is books.
Oh yesssss. The ceiling fan whispers a breeze across the back of your neck and it makes you think about Ted’s mustache. And how it feels when he presses kisses on the back of your neck. And down your spine. And how he gets you to lay face down with a pillow under your hips while he guides your thighs apart and brushes said mustache and his gentle lips and a little tongue inside them. With purpose, but not really towards where you want him the most because APPARENTLY teasing you is FUN.
And it is, but there’s no way you’re ever coherent enough at the time of this particular activity to think so. Or to think at all.
You’ve already soaked your underwear and your pants are going to be next so you strip all that off, your tunic shirt over your butt because while YOU are hot, the air is deliciously cool. You reach blindly into the drawer beside the bed and pull out your favourite clit vibe and put it to work; no lube needed. Yeah, that will not be necessary at this time.
Oh. Woooooow.
You’re feeling really good, but it’s not enough. You think for a second about propping your hips up on a pillow and grabbing your dildo and pretending like Ted’s here, but…
Yeah, yes, that’s happening. Ted’s not here right now, not that he’d be upset or anything it’s just he’s not here to help so you’re on your own, so, yeah.
You’re soon in position, pillow tucked under your hips, dildo buzzing deep inside of your aching pussy, vibe fluttering over your clit, and visions of Ted Lasso fucking you into oblivion dancing in your head.
“You are so gorgeous.” Fantasy-Ted’s warm hand lands on your back, tucks under the hem of your shirt and strokes your skin, impossibly sending more tingles everywhere. The bed dips a little on one side where he’s sitting pressed up against you. His body is warm on your hip, even with all his clothes on. Way too many clothes.
“Why are you dressed?” you ask, confused about your fantasy-Ted suddenly with clothes on.
That’s not fantasy-Ted! It’s real-Ted! He’s walked in on you like…this.
“OH MY G—” you groan and bury your face into the mattress, clicking off the vibe on your clit. But in those seconds, Ted’s warm gentle hand on your back moves to brush your cheek.
“Look at me, love.”
You turn your head and peer at him with one eye, face absolutely on fire, embarrassed at how into your mind you got, for being caught, completely unaware that Ted had even walked in the door. What if he had brought someone home with him! What if…
“It’s just me here, no need to be embarrassed, sweetheart.” The backs of his knuckles are so soft against your cheek. “I see you ordered the extra spicy sauce today. I happen to know it’s finger lickin’ good.” He trails his knuckles down your neck and hits a sweet spot. You clench and gasp because the dildo is still inside you, still buzzing, and you’re still throbbing deep in your core. And despite the high potential for embarrassment, you remain hot hot.
You may have squeaked.
“Hmmm,” the depth of Ted’s groan goes down between your legs. “That looks like fun, darlin’. Can I help you out a little?” His fingertips tickle that sweet spot he knows full well is there again and you definitely squeak this time, no word of a lie.
Then those fingertips travel to the back of your neck and down, down down to where you’re bare, rubbing up and down your butt cheeks, the backs of your thighs, while you struggle to find enough breath to loudly moan, “YES! Please Ted!”
He could help out a lot as far you were concerned, but you were too fuzzy with pleasure to add that part. He’d get it though, you knew each other’s desires, and consent, well. You’d talked about it a lot at first, and still did once in a while.
Ted touches your pussy and traces around where the dildo buzzes just outside your body. Then his touch disappears, and you can hear him smack his lips together.
“Mmm, I was right. I need another taste though, quality control purposes and all.” His fingers are teasing the back of your thigh again, but they don’t go any further.
You need to orgasm and you need it now! You’re going to cry. Your eyes squeeze shut in frustration. You inhale, and it’s a bit of a sob.
Ted’s hand leaves your thigh, and the vibrations in the dildo stop and you really are on the edge of tears. His warm hand lands on the small of your back, pressing gently but firmly, dialing back your chaos brain a bit.
“I need to get caught up a little here, can we cool ya down for a minute? Please, baby.”
How can you say no to that? You can’t, you rarely say no to him, he’s so damn reasonable. And cute. And… You let out a deep breath that you didn’t know you were holding, leave the clit vibe turned off but in place, bringing that hand up onto the bed beside. You surrender to the moment and rest. Ted leans over and presses a kiss to your cheek.
“I know you’re trying not to laugh.” You also know it’s not in a mean way.
“I might be bitin’ my lip a little at your frustration, but not at comin’ home to find your butt on display on the edge of an excellent orgasm.” He gives your butt a quick tap and you relax into the bed, content to let him take the lead since your mind is all swimmy and sizzly. “And speaking of, first I need to take my jeans off or else I might bust right through the zipper, and it’s not that I mind Mrs. Fritz lookin’ at me with an extra twinkle her eye every time I bring in another pair for repair, but maybe we don’t need to entertain the local shopkeepers quite that much.”
You chuckle. “Just ask her if there’s a loyalty program, I am going to be absolutely no help for you.”
Ted laughs out loud as his hand leaves the small of your back and his weight lifts off the bed, and you can hear the ziiiip and rustle of fabric he ditches the jeans.
“I want to see.” You tilt your neck a little in his direction and he obliges by walking into your line of vision. And there he is, with his t-shirt and his boxers and very, very obvious arousal.
Damn, those forearms.
“Keep going,” you demand.
But he shakes his head. “No can do smoocharoo, this is about you and if any more of me touches you without clothes your fantasy is going to go right out the window. Or maybe just on the sheets.” He moves out of your line of vision and uses his warm hands to spread your legs apart a little more.
“Smoocharoo?!” You have no idea where he gets—
Ted smacks a noisy kiss to your butt cheek and you shriek-laugh, then you feel the bed dip again, this time between your thighs, his knees spread to hold you open without putting pressure on the dildo. His weight rests across your back, but most of it is on his forearms as he settles over you, brushing kisses on the back of your neck and nudging a little with his nose. His embrace feels so good.
Like home.
If home were an inferno of spiciness.
Which, right now, it is.
You wiggle your hips and brush his erection with your butt. He doesn’t pull away. The material of his boxers is soft against your skin even as his body is hard. You’re not sure whether the dampness you can feel is your sweat or his precum.
“What were you thinking about?” He doesn’t need to elaborate.
“You.”
His growl is everywhere as he sinks a little more onto you. Grinding against you, just a little.
“What was I doing in your fantasy?”
“That thing where you prop my hips up and use your mouth to tease me everywhere except my clit because you like to watch my butt jiggle.” You grind back a little more.
He smacks a kiss to the side of your neck. “That’s one of my favourite things to do.”
“Mine, too.”
“For the record: I like to watch all of you jiggle. I’d like to find out exactly how slippery fantasy-me made you, if ya don’t mind.”
You’re pretty sure you’re all but dripping onto the bed at this point.
“I thought you wanted me to cool off,” you whine.
“I thought you like it when I’m all curious,” Ted presses another kiss to your neck, grinds into you again. “Can I touch your pussy, please baby?”
“Yes!” His dirty mouth! You love it. He knows what it does to you. What he does to you.
Ted leans a little to one side and slides the opposite hand under your body, brushing against your breasts then full on squeezing as you laugh. He tweaks a nipple then travels that hand down over your tummy, up over the pillow and under the hem of your shirt. When his palm covers you, you’re so slick that the clit vibe dislodges completely into his hand as his fingers swirl through your labia, touching around where the dildo stretches you. He has the dexterity to grab the dildo where it’s reaching into you and moves it in and out, just a little. You’re wiggling under his warm weight.
“If you touch my clit, I’ll come,” you warn, breathless. You know he’s not done with you yet. You’re not ready for him to be done with you yet.
“Just a little tickle, or if I pinch?” Ted wonders aloud, to your dismay and his amusement, if his tone is any indicator.
“Um,” it’s really hard to speak with all of his naughtiness so deep into all of your senses. “Definitely if you pinch.” You are really playing with fire right now because you’ve just given him permission to tickle, even though you aren’t ready to come yet.
Ted might be ready for you to come, though. And you trust Ted. All the way.
“Deep breath, baby.”
You do what he says.
Ted feathers a fingertip against your slippery, swollen clit.
Your breath stutters the rest of the way in.
“Deep breath out.”
You do it.
He removes his fingertip.
You bite the sheet.
Ted nuzzles the side of your neck. “You’re amazing, ya know that?” He says quietly in your ear. “I love you.”
You melt back into the bed. He knows exactly what to say, and when to say it. He also knows you can’t say it back right now, because words are hard. And so is he; but he knows you love him, you tell him every day.
You both lay there for a minute, letting the heat and the love simmer.
“Want to see if you can come three times?”
“Ted!” You wail. You don’t know if you can. You do want to find out. But you’re already so frustrated and three orgasms means edging, and you’re so damn hot, and—
“I think you can. It feels right.” He’s so warm and calm, and there’s that damn mustache again against the back of your neck.
“Okay,” you moan.
“You want me to make that fantasy real?”
“Yeah.” Yes, yep, please.
“I want you to have a little orgasm for me first, so that I can take a little bit a’ time down there.” He feathers that fingertip over your clit again. It won’t take much more to make that happen.
“Yes!”
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
“Be right back. Don’t move.”
Before you can ask what’s going on, Ted lifts up off you and pumps the the dildo in and out of you firmly a few times. Just as your orgasm winds up and is ready to release, he slides the dildo out. Then he’s back on top of you, his hand is between your thighs, his fingers gently but firmly on your clit.
“Come on gorgeous, Come. Come all over my hand, let me feel that orgasm you’ve been aching for, all darn day I’m guessin’ by the feel of ya.”
You bury your face into the sheet and your whole body trembles as you obey his command. He leaves his palm against your pussy, just resting there.
You relax a little more, breath rapid. Ted’s breathing hard, too as he nuzzles in and holds you close.
Your breath soon returns to a normal rate.
It was a nice little orgasm. But.
“More, please.”
“At your service.” Fuck, he knows you so well. He’s off of you again. “Can we get your top off, love?”
You agree and he quickly but thoughtfully moves you on to your back, the shirt miraculously missing, his body back over you and his mouth on yours in a searing kiss. You make out for a while, arms wrapped around then feeling each other up, legs tangled together, the pillow shoved somewhere. Ted’s bare knee rubs against your pussy until you clench your legs around it. You throw your head back as he kisses down the front of your of neck, until he’s got a nipple caught delicately between his teeth and his tongue is flicking it.
“TED!” you whine. You might come just like this. Maybe that’s his plan. That’d be just fine with you.
“Got it.” He lets go of your nipple, smacks a kiss to your mouth, and shortly thereafter you’re face down on the mattress again, pillow back under your hips, legs spread.
“Darlin’, you are soaked. And I know it’s your pleasure, but really it’s mine.” You laugh, you can’t help it, and he taps a little smack on your butt with his open hand. “Saucy.”
“Just the way you like it,” you sass.
“Darn tootin’.”
LOL!
The bristles of his mustache and the softness of his lips start to drag up the back of your thigh, over you butt cheek, across and down the other side. Then he’s dotting tickly kisses all over, then just on your cheeks, then down, down, closer to… then the inside of your thighs. He uses his fingers to gain access to the source of your slick and flicks his tongue against you. You rock back towards him, gripping the sheet with your fingers and curling your toes.
You’re surprised when the dildo notches at the entrance to your vagina.
“This okay?” Ted asks, moving it a little.
“Yeah, yes,” you stumble over the word as the motion rocks you. “I thought it was going to be your cock, though.”
“You want my cock?” His tone is smarmy.
Ted! That dirty talking gets you, and he knows it. But holy cow, his way with the dildo is getting you, too. He hasn’t played with it much because you always choose him over it, but the few times he’s helped you use it sure were fun. Like right now, so much fun, very much fun!
“Of course. But this feels good, too.”
He slides the dildo in a little further. It drags over every shock spot inside your pussy. You’re here for it. Because you sure as fuck aren’t going anywhere else right now.
“But what about, you know, you?” You can say the word cock and your pleasure etc., however, words remain to really be a challenge right now. But you can’t not think about Ted, he’s so good to you and it slays you if you’re selfish. Not that he’s ever, ever accused you of that, even if you’ve thought it about yourself.
“What if your fantasy is complete, and mine’s just startin’?” Ted slides the dildo in a little more, reaches around and rubs your clit.
You clench.
“Sounds great, yes, whateveryouwantIwant!” you cry into the bedding.
Sincerely, when you met this kind man with his terrible puns, never did you ever imagine he could do this to your body, mind and soul. But he had, regularly, and still neither of you were tired of it. Didn’t matter if all you did was snuggle up some days, have routine vanilla sex other days and saved the extra spicy stuff for once in a while, you weren’t used to it. Submitted to it, engaged, hell you incited it at least as often as Ted did. And thank goodness he was keeping up, because, again, no one warned you your sex drive was going to turn up to eleven after all these years of life on this planet.
At the same time, Ted was so good at listening, paying attention, and so damn curious, was it any wonder that he was a superhero in bed? And on the kitchen counter. And the couch. The backyard. There was also that one time in—
The dildo slides all the way in and your thoughts crash back onto the bed.
“Okay sweetheart, here’s what we’re goin’ to do,” Ted pulls his hand out from between your legs as he speaks, but holds the dildo firmly in place. “You’re going to use this,” he puts the clit vibe back into your hand and waits for you to put it in exactly the right spot, “while I use this.”
He pumps the dildo in and out of you slowly, steadily.
“Turn your toy on, love,” he tells you.
You do.
And he turns on his.
You cry out, you have no idea what you’re saying, but your legs clench together, making everything tighter, and Ted’s free hand holds you down on your butt while he kneels beside you to increase the strength and speed of his thrusts. His thumb brushes the spot where your butt cheeks meet and slides down a little.
“Ted…” you trail off, unsure if you’re issuing a warning or a dare. You’ve played a little with anal sex before, but you’re still hung up a little, even though you’ve both enjoyed those it. Immensely. Especially, from your point of view, when he lets you play with him.
“I’m just resting there, sweetheart, but if you’re thinking about anything, I’ve got to…”
You have no idea what he says next because he’s angled the dildo into your g-spot and your vision is going bleary at the edges.
“Ten.”
OH NO YOU CAN’T HOLD OUT THAT LONG.
“Nine. Yes you can, gorgeous. It’s going to be worth the wait.”
Something shifts intensely inside you.
“Eight.”
Realization dawns. “What if I…?” You’re cresting on a level of pleasure that’s happened only once before, and it was good, but it was also a lot.
“Seven. Squirt? You know I love it. Breathe, come on. There’s no pressure for anything, just let’s have fun here.”
You breathe in because he clearly knows what he’s doing and you’re rather enjoying this ride.
“Six.”
Another breath in and out. In.
“Five. So good. Turn that vibrator on your clit up a little more.”
You’re going to come omg.
“You’re not yet, breathe out, almost there. Four.”
That Thumb, you know the one, moves a little. The dildo slows down a little. You moan because you know what happens next.
And you can barely hold on! But you will, for Ted. And for the stellar orgasm that’s going to rip through you momentarily.
“Three. Deep breath, almost there.”
You breathe in deeply, as the dildo speeds up again.
“Two.”
You breathe out hard and hurriedly back in, dial the clit vibe up more, because:
“I love you.”
OMG. “I… I lo—”
“One. Come now, sexy thang.”
Ted keeps the buzzing dildo sliding in and out of your pussy, tapping your g-spot, brushing That Thumb at the top of your butt cheeks, as your orgasm washes over you, takes with it every uncertainty, every unkind thought about yourself, and fills your heart with love.
You click the clit vibe off and stretch both arms out to grab the edge of the mattress as your body rides the waves of pleasure. The release between your legs is immense, a huge relief, and deep. You think you screamed. Your throat feels like it, but you aren’t sure because the orgasm is…everything.
The dildo stops buzzing, and slows down, but hasn’t entirely stopped sliding in and out of your sensitive pussy. That Thumb is resting at the top of your cheeks. Ted is murmuring words of love, you think; they sound warm and feel lovely, but you aren’t really clear on the sounds, just that you like them. One more wave of pleasure rolls slowly through your body, and the dildo slides out. Ted slides onto the bed beside you and envelopes you into his arms and you just lay there, breathing together. You close your eyes and run your fingertips through his soft, springy chest hair.
“When did you lose the shirt?”
“Just now. It got a bit wet.”
Oh fuck. You can feel some dampness beneath you.
“So proud of you.” Ted holds you closer, dropping kisses all over your face until you’re making out a little.
Okay then, in that case, you’re proud of you, too.
Instead of exhaustion, you’re feeling energized. You trail your fingers down through his chest hair, over his soft tummy and graze the tip of his hard cock. Very hard. And hot. And wet.
Ted gasps. “I almost came when you did, but I held on. You were so sexy, gorgeous.”
You grip him and pump slowly in congratulations. He groans.
“Don’t think I didn’t hear you quote Hot Chocolate.”
He chuckles even as you stroke him again. “I think it’s our song, I do believe in miracles and all.”
Well, he’s not wrong. And he knows that southern twang of his curls your toes. Just like the way his toes curl when you run your fingers delicately all over his forearms when he’s got his sleeves rolled up.
But back to his cock. You circle the tip and make everything even wetter.
“I want you inside me. This part of you specifically.” You squeeze.
He pumps into your hands and moans. “My cock?”
“Your cock, yes.”
Squeeze.
Pump.
“Front or back?”
You roll onto your stomach again. Put the pillow under your hips again. “Save a horse.”
Ted snorts as he straddles you. “Queen Bey really knew what she was on about with that Cowboy Carter gender flip-off.”
“You know what you’re on about, too—ugh!” You cry out as Ted’s cock slides effortlessly into your body, all the way, stopping with a bump and grind.
“Oops, sorry baby, you feel so good and I lost it a little.” He backs up almost all the way out and then slides in again, but with a little more control.
“Feels good though. You feel good. Don’t stop,” you assure him.
Ted has his knees on the outside of yours, making sure your pussy is nice and tight again. He feels completely different from the dildo. Hot, of course, different texture, a little different shape. A little different curve. Maybe a little bigger, but to be totally honest size does not matter, not with this man. He can make you come with his little finger.
He’s got his hands on your hips, but you want him to lose control the way you did.
“Fuck me, Ted.” You push back to meet his next thrust. Clench as hard as you can.
His next words are inaudible, so you clench again.
He slaps your ass. He knows that just encourages your nonesense. So you clench again.
“How’s your clit? Can you handle some extra lovin’?”
He wants to know if you’re too sensitive to touch. You consider that. You’re a bit tingly. Well, you’re a bit tingly everywhere, to be fair, but it’s somehow even brighter there, which usually means don’t touch too much, but don’t ignore, either.
“Yeah, but indirectly.” Ted slides out of you and suddenly your legs are spread wide and his tongue is sliding all over your labia.
“Ah! Ah! Yes!” You cry out repeatedly, holding on to anything you can grab as Ted flicks his tongue rapidly over your clit, taking your arousal from ‘I could go again’ to ‘I’m about to go over again’ in record time.
“Ted, please fuck me now, I want to feel you come inside me this time.” You’re going to be a little tender later…okay, maybe a lot, but that’s what bath fizzies and cuddles under heated blankets are for.
Ted, excellent listener that he is, slips inside you once more, covering your body with his again in record time. He’s hot, and a little fuzzy, and you can’t get enough.
“Touch your clit for me, sweetheart,” he gasps over a groan, “come with me.” He begs. He’s begging, he really is, as he waits for you to press your fingers over your pussy and rub over your clit just the way you need it.
“Now…please.”
He smacks a kiss to your neck, then he’s kneeling over you and thrusting his cock in and out of your pussy fast and hard, exactly the way you need it; and the way he does too, if the way he’s spiraling out phrases like, “You feel so good takin’ my cock like that,” and “How’s this for thunder from down under” indicate.
Laughing during sex with Ted is as common as the screaming orgasms.
Your body is clenching up again. You cough out a laugh when he says, “I’m comin’ ‘round the mountain, darlin’,” and then you manage to sigh, “Yes.”
Ted snaps his hips as he orgasms, and when he grips your hips even harder and leans down nipping your shoulder your body convulses beneath and around him. It’s not as intense as the last orgasm, not even close, but wringing out the last of your hot hot, and completely satisfying. He lays over you, careful not to crush you, but knowing you like to feel his weight on you all the same.
Together you sigh when he pulls out, then you both kick the covers off the (very damp) bed and Ted pulls you into his arms again. You’ll stay here for a little while, then head into the bathroom to tidy up, rinse off in the shower together, pull on some loungewear and finish the night cuddled up under that heated blanket on the couch with some take out. You’re thinking pizza.
“Pizza?” Ted asks, his lips bussing your forehead with his lips.
You aren’t sure if you said it out loud or if you’re just that much in tune.
“I love you.”