Archive of Our Own ^beta

Sakura was doing what she did best to distract herself at the moment.

Studying.

On that hot summer's day, outside the season of illnesses caused by low temperatures, Sakura took the opportunity to study antidotes and unsolved cases at the hospital. Not having many patients to attend to that day, her shift passed quickly, and with a little time to spare in the late afternoon, she decided to study while allowing Sarada to play some more on the hospital playground.

Because of her work, Sakura used to bring her first-born to the hospital, which was no bad thing, as Sarada, being a cheerful and charismatic child, made friends with all the children there and loved spending the day on the Children's Hospital playground. Sometimes, when Sakura ended up staying in the hospital for longer, Hinata or Ino were the ones who always rescued her, fetching Sarada and looking after the little girl until Sakura could pick her up the next day. Being a well-behaved child, Sarada was loved by her "aunts", who always made a point of looking after her whenever they could.

Even Naruto showed up at the hospital once, on a day when Hinata was busy with Hyuga clan bureaucracy, to pick up Sarada, claiming that Boruto and Himawari wanted her company for a movie night. Sakura hadn't even asked them to look after Sarada that day, but she suspected that Shizune or Tsunade had said that she had been working too much and needed some rest.

Her days were usually full, but she didn't complain because she loved what she did. However, the last few months had been exhausting for her, especially seeing the suffering her daughter went through on a daily basis – and there was nothing she could do about it.

It had been almost four months since Sasuke had set off on his journey to track down Kaguya Ootsutsuki, a mission they had both started together, and which had ended up with Sarada. At first, the birth of their daughter hadn't changed their plans. After her birth, they both settled in a simple hut in the Land of Lightning, near a quiet village miles from Kumogakure. Sasuke continued his investigation, and Sakura stayed with Sarada at home – being responsible for helping him unravel the scrolls and clues he found and handed over to her when he returned. No one other than Kakashi, Tsunade and Naruto knew about this investigation that they were both doing independently, as they wanted to keep it as secret as possible to avoid alarming anyone they didn't want to. Everything changed when on an ordinary day, another day that Sasuke had returned home after weeks of investigating lost lands in the Land of Water, someone attacked the house while the three of them were sleeping, and if it hadn't been for Sasuke's teleportation technique, they wouldn't have made it out alive. Sakura had been frightened, especially at the thought of almost losing her daughter that day, but her husband's reaction had been completely unimaginable. Sasuke was furious and frightened, frightened that he had almost lost the family that he had formed after so many years alone – they had immediately returned to Konoha that early morning.

The memory of Sasuke and Naruto's conversation with the Kages of each nation was still fresh. Sasuke, for the first time, was informing the great leaders of each nation of all his suspicions, and also of the commitment he would make in the role of investigating all traces of Kaguya Ootsutsuki. Sakura knew what she was going to see next, because even before that conversation in the presence of all the Kages, Sasuke had already told her that he felt obliged to carry out those investigations for the good of the ninja world, as if he owed something to the ninja world, and not only that, but how responsible he felt to ensure that the world was a safe place for his daughter to grow up in.

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"Sakura."

"...".

"Please..."

"What?", she asked, after minutes of silence. She didn't know what to say to him. She didn't know how to comfort him – and also comfort her.

"Say something," his voice pleaded.

"...".

"I can't do this... without your support," he'd finally said what had pained him so much.

She couldn't say anything, and her only reaction was to hug him, and he promptly wrapped his arm around her again. After minutes of not saying a word, Sakura finally broke the silence.

"You don't owe anyone anything, Sasuke-kun," she had managed to say in a choked voice. It was a tearing pain – she could hardly breathe.

"I can't lose you," he had said into her hair, "You and Sarada... you're the most precious thing I have... And you'll be safe away from me," that last sentence made her pull away from his shoulder, and her eyes stare straight into those onyx and lilac eyes. 

"How long?"

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Sakura understood him. She got that, and that hurt even more. Because she understood him, she supported him, even if it meant that painful distance between them. No one but her close friends knew about her marriage to Sasuke four years ago, apart from the existence of the fruit of their mutual love, Sarada.

Sasuke had enemies all over the ninja world, and although she had accepted the burden of being an Uchiha alongside Sasuke, they were both some of the strongest ninja in the ninja world, and they could protect each other from any threat – but they couldn't protect Sarada outside of Konoha.

At first, they thought they could protect Sarada on their own, keeping her away from prying eyes, but the moment nukenins discovered Sasuke and Sakura's stay in the Land of Lightning, not only that, but also that he had a family, it wouldn't be long before other enemies found out.

Sasuke had managed to kill all the nukenins responsible for the attack on their home - not before making sure that this information had not been passed on. Sarada's existence was safe because no one else knew about their daughter, and that was how Sasuke wanted it to remain.

He didn't want anyone to know of their daughter's existence, not until she could protect herself. At the same time, he couldn't stop continuing his investigations, and his only alternative was to guarantee Sarada and Sakura's safety in Konoha.

It was painful for everyone, but the big difference was that Sakura knew what Sasuke was doing out there. She knew the importance of his investigations, she understood why he chose not to return home until he had found out everything he could, she knew that it could take him years to return, she knew what a secret his investigations were, but?

...how to explain this to a three-year-old little girl?

How to explain the absence of a father who was so present in her life in the past?

With each passing day, Sakura felt a tightness in her chest when she saw her daughter every morning at the window in the living room, the only one that overlooked the main gate of the house. Sakura wished she had never asked Sarada why she leaned against it every time she woke up, because the moment she did, she felt like crying at her daughter's innocence.

"I'm waiting for Papa to arrive."

"But Papa's still on a mission, baby girl."

"But he'll be here any day, I want to hug him first."

Any day.

Sakura didn't know when the day would come, but she didn't have the courage to tell Sarada. Even Sasuke didn't have the courage to say "goodbye" to his daughter, leaving the village in the early hours of the morning, with Sarada still asleep, to avoid making the departure even more painful.

He always said goodbye to their daughter when he left on missions, and she always greeted him when he returned. But he knew he wouldn't be seeing her any time soon, and he didn't have the guts to tell her 'I'll see you when I get back', because he knew that day would be a long time coming.

Sakura sighed in exhaustion, leaning back in her chair and staring at the clock on her desk that read 5:54 p.m. That day was the worst day to be calm inside the hospital, because all she wanted was to be tired enough not to let her mind wander as it was doing right now.

It was July 23rd.

Did you remember your birthday, Sasuke-kun?

She couldn't help but wonder. Sasuke never cared about birthdays, not until his relationship with Sakura became serious. He had told her that he hadn't celebrated his birthday since the day of the Uchiha massacre, and that had Sakura wondering how to get him to enjoy his own birthday in their first year as a couple.

And to her surprise, she had something for him: the news of her pregnancy.

Remembering that event made her smile with all her teeth, and she immediately remembered that it was getting late for Sarada to still be at the playground – and she needed to pick up her daughter.

"No more being so sad, Shanaroo," she thought aloud.

I need to be well for Sarada.

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The walk home had been uneventful. Sarada slept in her arms the whole way, showing how exhausted she was from playing all day. Seeing her daughter's serene, angelic face made her smile genuinely. Despite her sadness about that day, Sarada always made her smile, and the little girl was one of the main reasons she still remained sane despite reality.

Sarada woke up when Sakura put the key in the front door, then asked her to get off her lap, saying she wanted to go to the bathroom.

Sakura immediately kept an eye on her daughter's strange behavior. When she picked her up from the playground, Sarada was serious and seemed to be in some internal debate within herself – but Sakura immediately put it out of her mind, as a three-year-old child would have nothing to worry about to preoccupy her thoughts. This time, Sarada hadn't asked to stay in the playground for a bit longer, and she quickly climbed into her lap, giving Sakura no chance to ask her anything as she collapsed on her shoulder.

Maybe she was just tired.

"Sara-chan, wash your hands well, mama will be setting dinner soon," Sakura said loud enough for Sarada to hear from the second floor, going to the fridge to get the leftovers from the previous day's dinner. As she picked up the Tupperware from the microwave after the leftovers had been heated, she heard her daughter's faint footsteps coming from the stairs, and the moment she turned around, she immediately ran to her daughter.

"Baby girl, what's wrong?", Sarada was crestfallen, and had dried tears on her cheeks, indicating that she had been crying in the meantime. Sakura tried to lift her daughter's face as soon as she knelt down, but her daughter stopped her, turning her face the other way.

"Sarada...", Sakura called to her gently, lowering her hands from Sarada's face to her daughter's hands, squeezing them to comfort her, "I can't help you if you don't tell me what happened".

She waited patiently for seconds to pass before Sarada felt comfortable enough to speak.

"Does... papa... hate me?", she asked in a broken voice, still with her head down.

"What?", Sakura ended up raising her voice unintentionally, "No! Sarada, where did you get that from!?", she couldn't believe that pointless question.

"Haru said that parents leave when they hate their children. Is that why papa left us?", she continued with her eyes on the ground, and Sakura could see how hurt she was at the possibility just by her tone of voice, "Are you going to leave me too, mama?", even with her head down, she could see tears streaming down her cheeks again.

That question completely dismantled her, Sakura took Sarada in her arms and hugged her as tightly as she could. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. It hurt her to the core to see Sarada questioning her parents' feelings towards her. She was the embodiment of what was best between her and Sasuke. The physical form of their bond. The reason they fought for a better, safer world. She was the greatest treasure in their lives.

"I can't live without you, how could I?", Sakura, still holding Sarada with her left arm, raised her right hand to touch Sarada's face, trying once again to make her daughter look her in the eye. Sarada didn't resist this time, and let her mother lift her face, and when she opened her eyes to look at her mother, Sakura gasped.

Sharingan...?

"Why isn't papa coming back?", Although the question was another almost routine one since her husband's departure – something that Sakura always gave her the same ready answer – it always pained her to have to answer it without too many details. But at that moment, she couldn't think of anything else but those red eyes, with only one tomoe, present in what used to be onyx.

"...".

Seeing her mother staring at her without answering her question, Sarada could no longer hold back the tears that were already falling stubbornly, and was even breathless because she could no longer keep them in. Sakura could see everything she was feeling through those eyes.

"You're lying, Mama!", Sarada tried to get off Sakura's lap – struggling as hard as she could – but Sakura held her firmly, preventing her from leaving her arms.

"Sarada, why are you doing this?", Sakura couldn't hold back her tears at how helpless she felt. She didn't know what she could say or do to ease her own daughter's pain. If she could, she would like to protect Sarada from any pain in that world, if she could, she would take all that pain and carry it herself.

But it wasn't possible for her to stop Sarada from missing her father.

It wasn't possible for her to stop Sarada from knowing the pain of longing.

She couldn't stop Sarada from coming to her own conclusions based on the little information she had.

The first few years would be painful, but Sakura had to be strong for both of them – until the day came when Sarada was mature enough to tell her a little more about the reasons that took her away from her father.

Perhaps that day wouldn't come, perhaps Sasuke-kun would return long before then.

Perhaps he himself could tell Sarada the reason for his absence.

...but now…

...the Sharingan had been awakened.

Would it be too late?

"...it hurts...", Sarada suddenly stopped whimpering, and that short word brought Sakura out of her torturous reveries. Sarada suddenly put her hands on her head and closed her eyes tightly, "It hurts, mama!", Her tone was one of desperation, and Sakura immediately focused chakra in her right hand and put it into Sarada's eyes, imagining that it was the amount of chakra in her eyes that was causing her pain.

Sarada began to soften in her arms, the effect of Sakura's chakra taking effect not only in her eyes, but also throughout her body. In a matter of seconds, the firstborn was asleep, and Sakura leaned her against her shoulder for comfort.

Dinner would be postponed for that day.

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It was 4:32 a.m. and Sakura still hadn't managed to sleep.

Sarada was burning up with fever and Sakura feared that she would fall asleep and miss any more symptoms than the fever. The girl hadn't woken up since she passed out from exhaustion, and Sakura had bathed her, changed her and put her to bed. In all the turmoil, Sakura had picked up a book on genetic engineering and read a random chapter to distract herself, and when she started to fall asleep on the sofa in the living room, she decided it was time to go to bed. As she had done every night since becoming a mother, she checked on Sarada before going to sleep, and when she noticed that her firstborn was burning up with fever, she immediately became alarmed.

Sakura had checked Sarada's blood with her medical ninjutsu for infection, but there was nothing wrong with Sarada's body. Sakura could only conclude that it was the effect of the Sharingan awakening. Sarada was too young to control chakra, and she still didn't understand how to do it.

Awakening the Sharingan so soon... Sakura feared that something might happen to Sarada's eyesight as a result of that incident. Sarada held her eyes when she complained of pain, so it was obvious where it hurt. But Sakura focused on staying as positive as possible, because she wouldn't know until Sarada woke up.

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Sarada stirred in bed, and because she was just dozing off, Sakura immediately woke up at the foot of Sarada's bed, where she had fallen asleep, and approached her daughter's face.

"Hey," she said gently, touching her face – relieved to see the onyx eyes there again – and no longer red, "Is that better?".

"...Mama," her tone sounded more confused than affirmative – it seemed she couldn't believe her mother was still there. Sakura put her forehead against Sarada's, holding her face tightly with her right hand.

"It's you and me against the world now, and our duty is to protect each other until papa comes, never forget that," she tried to reassure Sarada.

Sarada nodded, giving her mother a shy smile – happy with such a simple answer.

"Are you hungry?", Sakura asked her, but when she noticed Sarada looking at her strangely, she quickly changed the subject, "Sweetheart, what is it?".

"Mama, everything's blurry," Sarada declared, narrowing her eyes as if trying to focus better on her mother's face.

"Blurry?", just as she asked, Sakura picked up the teddy bear next to the little girl and placed it in front of her, "Sarada, how many eyes does Mr. Biggles have?".

Sarada widened her eyes, startled by what she saw, "...fo... four. But mama, he had two!" she sounded frightened.

Sakura was just as scared, but she wasn't going to show it to Sarada.

Had the chakra damaged her vision at that point?

"Don't worry about it, Sara-chan. Mama will sort it out."

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"You think too much. There's nothing wrong with Sarada's vision," Tsunade approached Sakura. They were both behind the dark glass that divided the medical ward from the hospital playground, where they could see Sarada playing with the other children. Sarada was wearing glasses, and it was clear that she was still getting used to wearing them as she ran back and forth.

"Her eyes were perfect," Sakura said without any expression on her face, "I just want to make sure that this problem is temporary and not permanent."

"To the point of asking Orochimaru for help?", Tsunade still seemed incredulous that Sakura would ask the Sannin for help.

"It wasn't Orochimaru. It was Karin, and I trust her," she said with conviction, "They understand the Sharingan better than I do, and Karin has access to Orochimaru's information."

"You could simply have contacted Sasuke," Tsunade still didn't trust anyone who had links to Orochimaru, even though he was a prisoner completely guarded by Konoha.

"And to say that Sarada has awakened the Sharingan?", Sakura looked distressed, "She's just a baby... and I don't want to worry him with something I can handle myself. It would disturb his focus, he probably wouldn't respond so quickly, especially if he's in some dimension."

"Wearing glasses isn't a bad thing. But I understand your concern, Sakura," Tsunade sighed, "Sarada is too small to have awakened this doujutsu, and this only reinforces the most widely accepted theory of how the Uchiha clan awakens their ocular power."

...the members of the Uchiha clan awaken their Sharingan through very strong emotional stress (...) their love is of the same proportion as their hatred, and when they lose those they love, the emotional pain ends up focusing chakra in the ocular nerves, activating a place in the brain, where the doujutsu is then awakened in the eyes...(...)

"Sarada is not doomed to the path of hatred," Tsunade continued, "She has a home. She has love. She has you, and even if Sasuke is no longer here, he will return one day. Sarada has a family that loves her. The curse of the Uchihas will not fall on her," she paused for a moment, waiting for Sakura to absorb what she was telling her, "Sarada has awakened her Sharingan, but she doesn't know what hatred is. She misses her father. The pain of that longing... was enough to awaken her Sharingan".

Those words were like a blow to Sakura. She wished she had been selfish. She wished she had told him not to sacrifice his time with their daughter to protect the world from a threat that they didn't even know would be for now or 100 years from now. She wished she hadn't supported him, so that he couldn't go on a mission and stay with them.

She wished she had been selfish.

But her essence wouldn't let her.

She admired the man Sasuke had become – the kind, loving, companionable and intense husband he was to her; the wonderful father he was to Sarada. But she couldn't use his love of family to make him ignore his duty as a ninja.

They were ninjas. That was their job. And even though Sasuke wasn't an official Konoha ninja, it was Konoha that he worked for and was loyal to. Sasuke wasn't useful inside Konoha like Sakura was for the Hospital's research and cases, Sasuke was useful outside Konoha – being the shadow of the leaves.

One day, Sarada would understand her father's importance to the village. One day, she would understand the sacrifice her father had made to protect her. But until that day came, Sakura had no choice but to give her the same old answers.

And of course, never let Sarada hold a grudge against her father, because that was something that not even Sakura could live with.

"Thanks, Shisou," Sakura turned to her master, "I think I needed to hear that," she sighed, "Maybe wearing glasses isn't so bad. Maybe she'll get used to them. Her astigmatism isn't that high."

"When she grows up, she can have surgery, there's nothing to worry about," Tsunade assured her.

Sakura knew she was exaggerating about the fact that Sarada would need to wear glasses, perhaps even for the rest of her life. It wasn't serious, because something worse could have happened.

She could have gone blind if you hadn't controlled the flow of chakra in her eyes with your medical ninjutsu.

Tsunade's voice echoed through her mind – something she had told her days ago.

And that made her even more afraid. Sarada hadn't realized that she had awakened her Sharingan, and now Sakura needed to keep an even closer eye on her daughter and make sure she could control her chakra to avoid future problems. Sarada needed to learn to control her own chakra, and so she had made the decision that every day, she would help Sarada with this training – using the excuse that it would be a play between the two of them, a way of Sarada not realizing how seriously Sakura was taking it.

"Mama!," she heard Sarada shout her name, appearing in the corridor. The red glasses Karin had sent her, with the exact degrees Sarada needed, were a little big for her small face, and it was even funny how she pushed the glasses up her nose.

"What is it, sweetheart?", she knelt down to come face to face with the female copy of Sasuke Uchiha.

"Can we have ice cream?", she asked cheerfully, her tone and mood completely different from a few days ago, when she had awakened her Sharingan.

"Of course," she replied, and ruffled her hair.

She looked at Tsunade from behind as if to ask her to cover her shift, and received an encouraging nod in response, then gave her hand to her little one and left through the glass door that led towards the hospital canteen.

Sakura feared what the future held for Sarada.

She knew that being an Uchiha in today's world, even in an era of peace, wouldn't be easy.

She knew that Sarada wouldn't stop asking questions.

She knew that Sarada might be angry with her father for his absence in a few years' time.

But there was also something she knew.

Sarada was her precious possession – hers and Sasuke's. And they would both give their lives to protect her.

Whatever the future holds 10, 20, 30 years from now, they would make sure to be by her side, and hold her hands.

Maybe the future wouldn't be so bad.

But at the moment, she just wanted to enjoy the present.

To enjoy that small hand that still held hers, that needed her care and attention – as close to her wings as possible.

...because one day...

...that hand would let her go and she would fly off on her own.

And Sakura wanted to be there to see her go her own way.

Preferably...

...by Sasuke's side.