Chapter Text
"'ere now, rookie, what are you doing?"
"Hmm? Oh, Sergeant! All hail the Immortal Emperor!"
"Yeah, yeah, hail, hail, now what are you up to?"
"I'm putting up these wanted posters, sir! Captain's orders!"
"Ah, all right…oh, for – he's still printing out ones for the Three Pillars? You may as well toss those straight in the trash, rookie. Ain't nobody gonna be turning them in anytime soon. 'Specially not this close to Six Towers."
"Sir?"
"What, you ain't heard about the Three Pillars?"
"My family's only recently come over from the Dagger Isles, sir. I've only been in the city long enough for training. I – I don't know who any of these people are. At all."
"Why, they're only the greatest fucking embarrassment to the venerable institution of the Duskwall City Watch that have ever stepped foot in the city."
"Really, sir? These three?"
"Yeah, those three. You see the girl there, with the shaggy black hair? That's Alice Liddell – daughter of one of the deans of Doskvol Academy until her house caught fire and burned down with her family inside. Drove her right round the bend, that did – spends half her time now talking to things that aren't there. Problem is, she spends the other half being an absolute terror with a blade. Woman can do things with a knife that I ain't even dreamt of before – and she can leap like she means to fly, and damn near manages it. And that ain't even getting into the other weird-arse weapons she carries around. She's a terror and no mistake."
"Goodness…she – she looks so harmless in her picture…"
"Yeah, well, trust me, she ain't. Oh, and that fellow in the middle, pale as anything? That's Victor Van Dort."
"Van – like Van Dort Fish?!"
"The very same, rookie – he's the son. Or was the son, pretty sure the elder Van Dorts like to pretend he don't exist no more…anyway, he looks harmless too, don't he? Quiet and shy?"
"Well–"
"Ha! That's how he gets you! That mad fucker married a ghost once!"
"…how do you marry–"
"I ain't asked him, on account of the fact that he now knows where every damn ghost in the city is, and how to fucking use them! Led more than one of our boys into a trap where they got savaged by a specter! And he's one of those Whispers who've learned how to fling lightning around. No, he's almost worse than the girl! And then you got the last one, the one with the stupid haircut and the creepy eyes. That's Smiler Alton."
"Smiler?"
"Yeah, don't know their real name – they're an Advocate. You know about the Advocates? They're that weird smiley bunch who worship some god of pure happiness – what a load of bullshit that is – and go around trying to convince everyone to be cheerful all the time. Annoying bastards – and this 'Smiler's' the worst of the bunch. Used to be just another drug dealer peddling their 'Joy Serum' over in Silkshore, but then they joined up with those other two and now they're mixing up all sorts of weird chemical concoctions! Not to mention they can talk their way out of damn near anything – you catch 'em doing a crime, and five minutes later they'll have you agreeing to not only let 'em walk, but pay for their damn gondola fare! The other two might try to shank you or shock you, but that one I bet could talk you into offing yourself if they were so inclined!"
"Wow…I really didn't think they were all that much trouble."
"Yeah, well, they are. And those idiots in Six Towers love 'em. Don't tangle with 'em 'less you have to."
"Right…what a bizarre group, though. How did they all meet in the first place?"
"Ha – beats the shit out of me, rookie."