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Three earthling days into this card game and Earth somehow hadn’t won a single round. Even Luna, who finally joined them with a hand of his own instead of just looking at Earth’s, had won a couple of rounds. He was honestly getting a little frustrated and considering asking to switch out the deck (maybe someone had put a curse on him or something, to never win a card game? there was no way he was that bad at cards), but just ignored it for now and continued looking at his cards. They were playing a game other than space poker for once, Astrodude having introduced them to a couple different types of card games they could play, another reason why they were still playing three earthling days later. Though, it wasn’t like they’d continuously played; every once in a while one of them would bow out of the game just to rest for a little bit only to come back and slide right into whatever round started next.
In fact - Earth paused, looking out over his cards. “I’m gonna take a break next round,” He said, shrugging his shoulders. “Maybe I can get some luck while I’m not playing.”
Mars laughed at him, smirking a little bit. “Good luck with that, buddy. You’ve had some horrible luck every single round.” Venus didn’t even bother looking up at Earth, gaze still straight on his cards. Luna was also studying his cards, but actually looked up at Earth’s words and gave him a smile.
He gave a quick wave and turned around, heading back to his orbit. Mercury was currently being bothered by the Sun (the only reason they hadn’t been yelled at to get back to their orbits yet), so he offered a short wave to him in the distance, the smaller planet smiling back at Earth. Slumping down into his normal orbit, Earth took a second to yawn, not exactly tired but not fully energized either. He’d only been sitting for what felt like a couple of seconds when from the direction of the Sun, he heard - “SUN COMPETITION!” and groaned in annoyance.
Sitting back up, he drifted towards Mercury and the Sun, stopping a short distance away, close enough that he could feel the heat but far enough away that he knew it wouldn’t affect his Earthlings too bad. Mercury was doubled over and had his hands over his ears, his small wings folded over them as well, and as Earth watched he finally stood up and shook his head violently.
The rest of the planets slowly made their way toward the Sun, Luna bringing over the deck of cards they’d been playing with as he settled just above Earth’s shoulder.
“What’s going on?” Luna asked, stretching, as Earth just crossed his arms over his chest and shrugged at his moon.
“Just another Sun Competition, I guess,” He answered, raising an eyebrow with slight annoyance. “But I’m prepared for anything when it comes to him.”
Neptune was the final one to show up, humming a random tune Earth couldn’t quite figure out. When they were all gathered in front of him, the Sun changed into his humanoid form and clapped his hands loudly, a bright grin on his face.
“Mercury,” he said, voice gleeful. “Can you bring out your planetary weapon?”
Mercury blinked for a second and then put his hand out, the caduceus materializing in his hand without any preamble. The entire caduceus glowed with a bright golden light, reflecting more of the sunlight than it seemingly should. Holding onto it, Mercury’s eyes reflected the golden light and it gave his brown eyes an otherworldly shine. “What am I supposed to do with it?” He questioned, a look of confusion on his face.
“You’re going to destroy asteroids with your weapons and I’m going to pick whoever I think is coolest!” The Sun laughed maniacally. “Now everyone go get a few asteroids from the Asteroid Belt and bring them back! OH - and make sure it’s your ROMAN weapons!!” The planets scattered, heading towards the asteroid belt as the Sun suddenly let out a solar flare, Mercury still holding onto his caduceus with a tight grip.
Earth drifted towards Mercury, hoping he would have answers about what exactly the Sun was thinking. Before he could even say anything, Mercury seemed to sense Earth behind him and spoke - “No, Earth, I don’t know what the Sun is doing or why he’s doing it. We weren’t even talking about planetary weapons, he was just telling me a really bad Sun pun and then decided to burst my ears by announcing a Sun competition right in front of me.” Mercury sounded annoyed for once, so Earth decided to leave it alone and instead looked askance at Luna, who was holding onto an asteroid he’d grabbed with his gravity.
The Sun let out another solar flare in the distance and Earth quickly grabbed for the first asteroid he could, a decently big one that he kept at a very safe distance from his surface, and floated back to his previous position.
“Alright, Mercury, show us!” The sun clapped again, sitting cross-legged in his spot while the rest of them just stood around in little groups - Jupiter and Saturn were standing together of course, while Uranus stood just next to Saturn and looked annoyed at Neptune next to him, who was still humming for some reason. Mars and Venus were standing next to each other (Phobos and Deimos were sitting on Mars’s shoulders, having probably begged their planet to watch), while Mercury was the closest to Earth, still holding his caduceus and looking supremely awkward.
Mercury slowly floated over to Earth as if trying to prolong the time, handing Earth the asteroid he had grabbed with an unsure face.
“Just… just throw it when I tell you to - toward me, please.” Earth shrugged in response, grabbing the asteroid and holding it like one of his Earthlings would hold one of those things they called a football (well, the Americans called it that). Mercury backed up and held the caduceus in front of him, and when he nodded at Earth, Earth launched the asteroid at him as quick as he could, trusting the planet to be able to handle it. Mercury brought the blunt end of the caduceus down onto the asteroid as it approached him, apparently calculating the right moment to strike perfectly as the asteroid shattered into small pieces (most of which got caught in the Sun’s gravity and accelerated straight into him).
Venus didn’t have an actual weapon associated with his equivalent Roman deity, so Earth knew he’d just chosen a weapon that looked interesting to him - and also one that was very, very heavy. Venus, Earth, and anyone bigger than them could easily hold it since their gravity was strong enough, but Mars and Mercury had both tried to hold it once and failed after a couple seconds, to Venus’s laughter - Luna had tried holding it once and literally plummeted enough that Earth had to fly after him to catch both him and the weapon. Earth admired it again as Venus materialized it in his outstretched hands - a massive axe with a blade sharp enough to cut even the smallest pieces of asteroid.
Venus smirked as Mars readied the asteroid in his hands, floating backward to where Earth was. He did some complicated movement with the axe, twirling it like it didn’t weigh probably as much as a dwarf planet, and then when Mars sent the asteroid flying towards him he did a complicated twirl, swinging the axe so the blade hit the asteroid at an angle, shearing it into two unequal pieces. He didn’t stop there, swinging the axe again to shear those pieces in half, doing a complicated spin every time he spun the axe, which gave it even more momentum to absolutely demolish the poor asteroid. Was he going for points for flair?
As Earth watched Mars float the eviscerated pieces of asteroid towards the Sun, he found himself wondering exactly what weapon he would use. He remembered using one at some point but couldn’t remember what it was, and –
“Earth?” Distantly, Earth realized that someone was saying his name, but he was still immersed in his thoughts and just hummed something unintelligible back. “Earth!” Luna shoved his shoulder lightly, making him jump. Finally, Earth blinked and shook his head, coming out of his head fully. He realized that everyone was looking at him, and he looked askance at Luna.
“It’s your turn, Earth! To demonstrate your planetary weapon.” Luna rolled his eyes and put his hands on his hips, obviously annoyed that Earth wasn’t paying attention.
“Sorry, uh… just pass me for now, I have to figure something out.” He gave a hopeful smile, hoping the Sun would take it and just move on.
“Hmm… you better be ready next time, Earth!” The Sun briefly switched back into his manic-eye smile, and Earth smiled back, slightly terrified. Ignoring everything else, Earth thought again. He was technically not named after any god or goddess specifically, though he had other names that did come straight from one of the goddesses in his human mythology - Gaia and Terra from Greek and Roman mythology, as well as plenty of other names from other mythologies (though since they were only focusing on their Roman counterparts, he ignored them for now). But neither of those goddesses wielded a specific weapon - maybe he could be like Venus, and just pick one he liked?
“But I like the idea of all of them…” Earth thought, face twisting in displeasure. “Do I really have to choose?” A thought occurred to him a second later, and he put his hand out, palm up in front of him. A small knife appeared in his hand, one that was quickly replaced by a different kind of knife. A manic grin grew on his face, and he was sure he probably looked a little terrifying to anyone looking at him right now. Letting the knife disappear, Earth just settled back and watched again, hoping they hadn’t moved too far ahead while he was thinking.
Luckily, it seemed that Mars was just finishing showing off his weapon, the magnificent spear that he only occasionally pulled out (mostly to show to Phobos and Deimos, who were always begging their planet to see the weapon in use against asteroids). Since he wasn’t currently using it in an offensive capacity, the spear was wrapped with laurels and other greenery, giving it a greenish glow as the Sun’s light hit it. A demolished asteroid was floating nearby, and Earth assumed that was the one that Mars had destroyed with the spear. The spear dematerialized as Mars shrugged and then clapped his hands, Phobos and Deimos both cheering from their spots on his shoulders.
All eyes turned to Jupiter next, the gas giant wearing his glasses and still holding onto the book he’d been reading before the Sun called the competition. The gas giant sighed, letting his book just float away from him (Saturn caught it before it could go too far away), and putting his hand out straight in front of him in an open position. With a loud crackle and sizzling sound, a massive glowing lightning bolt appeared, casting an eerie white glow over his face as his eyes also glowed white, pulsing with the light of the bolt.
Jupiter held it tightly, nodding towards Saturn, who was holding one of the biggest asteroids that the planets could find in the asteroid belt in the hand that wasn’t already holding Jupiter’s book. Earth watched, enthralled, as Saturn launched the asteroid as hard as he could in the opposite direction of the planets; Jupiter drew back the lightning bolt and then a loud sizzle filled the air as a pure white lightning bolt speared through the asteroid, shattering it into pieces and making a striking light show as the remnants of electricity jumped across the many pieces of the asteroid. Not wasting any time, Jupiter immediately dematerialized the bolt and put a hand out to grab his book back from Saturn, who simultaneously handed him back his book and also prepared the next asteroid.
Saturn’s rings caught the sunlight perfectly and reflected it, almost blinding Earth for a second as he threw a hand in front of his eyes. Blinking hard and reopening them, he realized Saturn had moved again, an excited look on his face.
“I haven’t been able to use my weapon in so long, this is so fun!” The gas giant clapped, humming a short tune. Without any warning, the weapon started forming in his hand. Saturn was going for a slower, more enthralling formation versus the sudden materialization that Jupiter had used, the sickle that was his planetary weapon appearing piece by piece. Jupiter was the one holding the asteroid now, waiting for Saturn’s signal to launch it.
Earth just studied the process closely - he’d actually never seen Saturn using his planetary weapon, so he wanted to make sure he was paying attention. Jupiter only used his to occasionally destroy asteroids that were too far to grab with his gravity but close enough that they might hit him or one of the other rocky planets, and he’d seen the other rocky planets’ weapons due to the times they’d occasionally destroyed asteroids in front of him, but everyone else was far enough away from him that if they did deign to occasionally use their weapons, Earth was never able to see it.
Saturn nodded at Jupiter, holding the sickle down at his side. Earth half-wondered if Saturn was going to run after the asteroid, since the sickle was far more like a close-up weapon than something you could throw or anything, but as he watched, Jupiter threw the asteroid and Saturn’s eyes lit up golden, the sickle lengthening into a scythe that Saturn used to cut the asteroid in half, the two sides launching in opposite directions from the momentum. Earth did a double-take, blinking a couple times in quick succession.
“Now that was cool.” Luna’s voice came from beside Earth, sounding awed.
“I can admit that.” Earth laughed, his own jaw slightly dropped. Both Jupiter and Saturn’s weapons were cool in their own ways, but he had to admit that Saturn just added something to it that made it seem so much cooler - what did the Earthlings say in situations like this? Saturn added a certain je ne sais quoi? Earth gave another brief laugh at that, mouth quirked at one side.
Uranus was up next, but the ice giant looked annoyed, like he straight up didn’t want to do this. He also had the ever-present paint stains on his hands, but this time he also had some paint on his face, like the Sun had surprised him in the middle of painting, enough for him to spill some of the paint. His weapon materialized in his hand without much fanfare - a bow made of gleaming ice that reflected the sunlight in multiple directions. Saturn had grabbed hold of another large asteroid, bouncing slightly on the tips of his heels as he waited for Uranus’s signal. The first arrow that Uranus materialized was glowing blue, and it just looked freezing to Earth, even from afar - like you could touch it and you’d immediately freeze like a statue. Shivering in solidarity, Earth watched as Uranus nocked the arrow into the bow, pulling the string back with a concentrated face.
He must’ve given Saturn some signal Earth couldn’t read because Saturn suddenly launched the asteroid forward – Uranus released the arrow and it sailed true, striking the asteroid directly in the middle. However, Earth watched, a little confused, as Uranus nocked another arrow, this one not shining blue - and his confusion alleviated a little as the first arrow melted and ice quickly crept over the surface of the asteroid, leaving it with the shiny reflective surface that a thick layer of ice had. Uranus’s second arrow struck exactly where the previous arrow had, shattering the asteroid into small pieces that flew off in many different directions (including one piece that flew directly towards Earth - he plucked it out of the air and studied it, seeing that it literally just looked like a piece of ice, not even an asteroid anymore). Uranus gave a self-satisfied shrug, a slight smirk on his face, and then dematerialized the bow and settled back where he was.
Neptune finally stopped humming, but he was still smiling in that weird sort of way that was ever-present on his face every time Earth saw him. The ice giant had materialized his trident sometime while everyone else was focused on Uranus, and he stood holding it now. Saturn once again grabbed another asteroid (seems he must’ve told the others that he was fine with being the only one throwing asteroids) and readied it in front of Neptune, once again bouncing a little on his heels as he waited for Neptune to tell him he was ready.
Neptune just blinked for a solid minute, making Earth wonder if the ice giant was really all there. Suddenly, he nodded at Saturn, and Earth watched as Saturn let the asteroid fly – and so did Neptune. The asteroid got about halfway back to the asteroid belt before Neptune actually moved, throwing the trident so hard that Earth swore he heard the non-existent air whistling as it flew. It speared the asteroid and kept moving with such speed that it ended up slamming into another asteroid in the belt, making both asteroids explode into tiny pieces in the distance. Neptune put his hand out and the trident came zooming back, so quickly that when Neptune caught it, his entire arm moved back slightly with a jolt. The ice giant dematerialized the trident again, his smile returning like it had never left.
Realizing it was now his turn again, Earth grinned and clasped his hands in front of him. “I don’t exactly have a weapon, but I also don’t have to choose a weapon.” The others looked confused for a second – it was basically a given that each planet was specifically well-versed in their own weapon and that was the only one they could summon. “I’m the only planet with intelligent life in this solar system – and my Earthlings love making new weapons,” Earth laughed again, finally reaching the moment he’d been waiting for since he realized what he could do.
Reaching his hand out like the others had, Earth let the buzzing feeling build until finally something appeared flickering within his hand – Mercury’s caduceus, which then flickered and was replaced with Venus’s axe, which Earth twirled like he’d seen Venus do earlier. Again, the axe flickered, replaced with Mars’s spear wrapped in laurel. He continued like that for a couple minutes, letting each planet’s respective weapon materialize in his hand. He never even looked up, eyes focused on his hands and the buzzing feeling intensifying. It was only when Neptune’s trident appeared and then got dematerialized that Earth really got to the fun part – he looked up and grinned smugly at the shocked looks in everyone’s eyes (including the Sun, which was always nice).
Before he went onto the final part, Earth focused on the weapons his Earthlings had created that none of the planets used as weapons themselves. They flickered in and out of his hands like sunlight through gaps in the asteroid belt – a machete, a scary-looking knife, a long spear that looked somewhat similar to Mars’s but ended in a much larger blade, and a few more before he tired himself out finally and shook his head, the last ones materializing in his hand and sitting there like they weren’t deadly enough to cause a planet-wide extinction.
Nukes. The exact weapon his Earthlings hurt him with every time they used them, he was going to use to win this competition. The nukes sitting in his hand looked unassuming, small enough that the little collection of them he had created could probably sit on his finger and still have plenty of room, but Earth knew they packed a pretty punch. Grinning widely, he looked at the closest planet – Mercury – and tossed the asteroid he’d been holding at him. Mercury barely caught it, shocked as he was by Earth’s little show.
“Throw it that way,” Earth said, pointing to one of the only directions where nobody was standing. He readied his hand, took a deep breath, and then nodded at Mercury, who tossed the asteroid with all his strength in the direction Earth had pointed. Cocking his hand back, Earth threw the nukes true to aim, not even sure where they were considering how easily they blended into the inky background. He only knew they actually impacted where he threw them when the asteroid he’d just been looking at vaporized in an explosion (since the nukes weren’t detonated on his surface there was no blast wave, but the fireball caused by the nukes still had a pretty substantial impact). Smiling as the air briefly lit up orange thanks to the explosion, Earth turned towards the other planets with his hands clasped together in front of his chest.
“Aren’t my Earthlings cool?” He asked, smug.
“Wow! Looks like Earth wins this one!” The sun said, booming voice making Earth slightly cover his ears at the loudness. “You get a sun trophy!” Earth felt alarm rise over him as he remembered exactly what that entitled, and he did a full 180 and started running away, pulling Luna with his gravity as he went. Seeing Jupiter still standing a short distance away, Earth straight-up booked it towards the gas giant as the Sun lifted the trophy above his head.
“My Earthlings!” he yelled, “Sun!!” But there was no answer, just the sizzling of fire as the trophy whizzed toward him. He dove behind Jupiter, letting out a sigh of relief as he knew the gas giant would catch the trophy. Sometimes Earth was amazed that his poor Earthlings were still alive when they had the Sun for a star.
“NOW GO BACK TO YOUR ORBITS!” The Sun yelled, changing back into his spherical form.
Earth floated up to Jupiter and patted his shoulder in thanks, the gas giant shaking the hand he’d caught the trophy with in slight pain, but still sending Earth a quick smile.
Earth sighed before finally floating back to his orbit before the Sun realized he wasn’t there yet and tried to send a solar flare his way (the Earthlings might like the Northern Lights the solar flares created but they still weren’t pleasant to experience). Venus, Mars, Luna, and he definitely weren’t going to be able to finish their card games any time soon - the Sun would be on alert now to make sure everyone stayed in their orbits, so Earth instead just took the chance to stretch out and take a nap while he let gravity move him through his orbit, Luna doing the same thing right next to him.