Chapter Text
Sean stared at the celling refusing to sleep, there’s no fucking way he’d let himself sleep now that he knows where Daniel is, he just needed to wait.
It was already dark outside, the clock on the wall marking 22:30 ‘not yet’, this needed to be perfect, perfect timing and perfect escaping route, which he was yet to find. Sean let out a shaky breath, he was nervous, terrified ‘if only Finn was here’ he looked up trying not to cry he missed him so much, they could’ve done so many things together, it was torturous thinking of those blue eyes that he always wanted to dive in, it was a scary feeling and Sean hated that it took him so much time to realize. He had and still has a crush on Finn and Finn felt the same way- not so sure about it now that he almost got them killed but that didn’t stop him from thinking about him at least once every day.
But there’s no point on feeling sorry for himself now, Sean walked over to the bathroom looking for something to break the lock of the window, he’d noticed that there was a ledge on the side of the window, at the end of it was the platforms the constructor workers used during the day to reach the rooms that were under construction, that is the perfect escaping route, when the officer by his door goes for his smoke break he would sneak out.
He fought the urge to look under the eye patch in the mirror opting to stare at the bars on the shower, he could use it as a lever. Sean took the bar and pulled a little noticing that it wasn’t screwed all the way in, luck seemed to be on his side today, good, he most definitely needs it, whit a little more force he managed to pull it off the wall.
With the bar in his hands and the clock finally hitting 22:50, he was ready. He heard the officer walking away while groaning, Sean rushed to the window using the newly acquired lever, it took a lot more force than he originally thought but it worked. Now the difficult part, walking on a ledge.
‘Don’t freak out, just get out’ it was easier said than done, his ears were ringing, his heart was beating fast, too fast, as he pushed himself away from the edge of the window onto his feet. ‘Don’t think- just keep going’ If he didn’t keep his mind blank he was going to fall, ruining everything in the process, he can’t fuck this up, his brother needs him and he needs Daniel too even if he doesn’t say it- he does, he loves that little brat, it’s the only thing that kept him on his feet, he can’t give up, no when he has his bother to take care of.
The ledge was tiny, Sean was slowly sliding his way to the scaffolding, he glanced down “Holy shit” he whispered, his knees suddenly felt weak, his eye started to hurt, he felt like he was going to throw up. Having one eye screwed up his depth perception, in situations like this looking down meant his brain freaking out for a second trying to figure out how far away shit was.
‘Take a breath dude.’
The rest of the way Sean kept his eyes up taking deep breaths until he reached the platform ‘Way too close, never doing something like that again’ Sean could hear the beating of his heart in his ear, he tried to steady himself before sneaking into one of the rooms under construction, making his way to the staff room where he found his backpack and dressed up with his clothes. God, it felt good to have his wolf squad hoodie back on, it was the only thing he could constantly have on that reminded him of Seattle, his dad, Lyla, Daniel (but not for too long) and Finn because that beautiful dumbass had taught him how to sew up the ripped parts, he even gifted Sean a patch and helped him stitch it on a specially big hole on the right sleeve.
‘Fuck, stop thinking about him!’ to get his mind busy he focused on something else way more important, escaping that hellhole, on his way out he grabbed the medicine that he needed for his eye, he didn’t want to fucking die of an infection after all that shit he went through. Luckily the officer hadn’t come back yet, Sean had kept the bar on him just in case something went south, now he won’t be needing it anymore gracias a Dios he didn’t want to hurt anyone. It was left on the floor near the window of the unfinished room.
The adrenaline in Seans body was still running high, his heartbeat was slowly but surely steading itself, he took a deep breath letting the cold night air invade his lungs, they felt like they always did since Seattle, stiff, he was in a state of panic or worry all the time which meant he was tensed up almost every day, when they were staying in California with the drifters he could relax a little, with the extra eyes willing to babysit Daniel but his chest was still tense, mostly his brain fault, always thinking about what could go wrong.
Seans chest hurt every time he tried to take deep breaths, this time was no exception. It hurt, however, it was a different kind, because the pain comes with feelings, in the hospital it was bitter and angry, now it felt like freedom, he was still going to suck it up and keep going even so it was nice being free from the hospital, if everything goes according to plan.
Sadly, or this time, luckily, it did not go according to plan. Sean walked cautiously along the scaffolding, he reached the floor right under his, he was going to walk past every single room hiding his face so no one would recognize him, but he had to look, he had to glance at the only room with the lights on.
He stopped dead in his tracks, suddenly, he felt his heartbeat spiking up. Sean stood there contemplating what to do, it really didn’t take him much time, he spent days wishing to look into those blue eyes again and now he had the chance, that day his mind was particularly eager to go back to that thought, all thanks to detective Flores. Earlier she tried to get him to talk by showing him pictures of Finn, Cassidy, Penny and Hanna, Finn looked beat up, it was sad seeing someone you thought was wise and indestructible in that state, but it also made him realize that Finn McNamara wasn’t an all-mighty hero who knew everything, Finn was a teenager just like him.
Probably Finn didn’t want to see him ever again, but Sean did, Sean wanted to do everything they couldn’t do, he didn’t want this to end but it wasn’t up to him, all he could do now was knock on the window.
“Finn!” Sean whispered he didn’t need anyone hearing him “Finn!” he knocked the window again, his heart skipping a few beats when the older boy moved his arm out of his face, Sean could finally see his face.
“Holy fucking shit” his response was so… him that made Sean out of breath, he thought that a moment like this would only happen in his dreams. Finn sat up, Sean had a clear view of his eyes “No way, Sean What are you doing here?!” he said his name with a giggle at the end and Sean was blushing, despite that he wanted to seem cool and collected his mind was screaming, happily jumping around his head.
“I’m trying to bail” he tried no to sound too excited; he was nervous, how could he not be? The last time they had a conversation alone they had confessed their feelings and kissed.
“Son of a bitch, I wish i knew you were here, coulda hooked up!” Sean backed away from the window, what does that mean? Did Finn wanted to be with him? Why was it so difficult for him to read people? “So… where’s Daniel” fuck he had to go where it hurt the most, Sean knew it wasn’t intentional but still.
“Just learned he’s in Nevada” Sean didn’t hesitate for a second, he trusted Finn.
“What the fuck? Why Nevada?” Finn looked concerned which Sean found oh so cute, he could see Finn’s brows furrow, he will be drawing that later ‘focus dude.’
“I’m on my way to find out, man.”
“Yes, you will, my friend” friend? So, he didn’t want him like that, Finn didn’t give him enough time to feel sorry for himself before he talked again “Damn I wish I could help you” he wanted to help? “But hey… I brought this on myself” Seans brain was in overdrive, everything was too overwhelming, he almost didn’t respond.
“So… stupid question but… how are you doing?” maybe if he dragged this conversation longer, he wouldn’t have to leave, he didn’t want to say goodbye again, especially not to Finn.
“Well, you know” Finn laughed, and it was the saddest laugh Sean ever heard, it made his chest hurt, he missed Finns laugh when they were partying with the crew, those moments are so precious to him “Kinda sucks… no coconut drinks here” Finn looked away for a moment “So how bad is it? Your…eye” another soft spot he didn’t want to talk about it, he didn’t even want to look at himself in the mirror.
“Let’s say I still have one left.”
“Sean, I know this doesn’t mean shit to you now…” his eyes started to water, Sean didn’t know how to respond but it meant everything to him “But I am sorry… about everything” just now Sean was noticing that Finn had dropped the accent as much as he could. He took a deep breath, ignoring the pain, trying to piece together his thoughts.
“I don’t blame you Finn, you tried something” he wasn’t lying, he really didn’t blame him “even if it ended up being a mistake” it was a fuck up, everyone got at least a little bit hurt, Sean just got the short end of the stick “I’ll just have to make things right for good now” go get Daniel and then Puerto lobos, but now it felt incomplete, he felt like there was something missing, someone missing in that plan.
“Thank you, Sean,” he was about to cry, if Finn stopped using pet names for him did it mean that he lost interest in him? He shut himself up, he had to stop thinking about his non-existent love life, escaping and finding Daniel is more important “You're a fucking gem man" his attention was back on Finn “I love you… so much”
Sean was about to pass out, that sounded too much like a goodbye, so much so that he didn’t even realize what words had come out from Finn’s mouth, ‘this can’t end like this’ Finn was right, they do have a strong connection “You know that night…” Finn took a deep breath letting tears run down his cheeks “It meant a lot to me, I’m really gonna miss you”
Seeing the guy who made him brave enough to go through that stupid plan, who babysat Daniel whenever he was too tired, who took care of him when he noticed that Sean wasn’t eating or had bags under his eyes this fragile it made Seans heart sting "me too Finn" his voice cracked, his eye wet with tears.
"You’re gonna find 'im, i trust you, so you should trust yourself" Finn smiled fondly, Sean rested his hand on the glass picturing what it would be like when he finds Daniel, when they reach Puerto Lobos, he never was too convinced with that idea, it always felt like something was missing, his dad was missing, he knew that already but imagining Finn with him in Puerto Lobos, feet in the sand, just like Finn had said back in the campfire. He couldn’t wait until they find each other again, if they even do.
“Would you like to come with us? To Puerto Lobos?” Sean mumbled loud enough so only Finn could hear it.
Finn had a big grin on his face, he seemed to like the idea “Of 'orse sweetie, i'll go anywhere with you but first i have to-" he was cut off.
“Then bail with me”.
Notes:
kudos and comments are appreciated :3
Chapter 2: I know to cut and i know how to bleed
Summary:
They are out!! but oh shit.
Notes:
I know i take my time with the writing but here is the second chapter!! anyways i dont really have much to say...
kudos and comments are appreciated :3chapter name:
Trees II - McCafferty
Chapter Text
Was it a bad idea? Of course it was. Finn had said yes immediately, not even stopping to think for a minute, Sean was none the wiser, after hearing his voice and seeing his face with that stupid nonchalant smile again he couldn’t help but want to be near him. He wasn’t ready to leave him, probably never will.
Sean had to go back through the room under construction to get to the staff room to retreat Finn’s things, when he opened the door, he nearly had a heart attack, the officer was back in his seat. Armed with the grab bar Sean sneaked in, it took him some minutes to find the backpack, eventually, he saw a big worn-out bag with patches and Finn’s name sewed on the back. Before he stepped out, he stared at the officer praying that his good eye wasn’t deceiving him, and the guy was actually sleeping.
In a matter of minutes, he was facing Finn, the older was leaning on the side of the window waiting patiently.
“Hey, Finn…” Sean called, the other hummed in response “If you do this… you won’t be able to come back here, to the States, you’ll be a fugitive” he bit his bottom lip, surely Finn would ditch him after hearing that, nonetheless, he wanted to make sure the other was aware of the consequences.
“Oh, I know, to the end ‘n shit remember?” Sean felt his face heat up, at the time, that sentence had felt like a promise, this time he was sure Finn meant it as a promise. The tattooed boy rested his palm on the window, a soft expression on his face that Sean couldn’t read properly, he mirrored him, their hands almost touching, so close yet so far "and i can't wait to smooch ya" Sean covered his mouth trying to muffle his giggle, somehow Finn always knew what to say to lighten the mood.
“Ay Dios mío” now it was Finn’s turn to blush, he wasn’t expecting the answer to be in Spanish "move so i can break the lock" the white boy obeyed.
The lever was placed between the wall and the window, thought he was able to break the lock faster than the last time, he was still worried about every sound or shadow, he looked up at Finn’s face, he wasn’t looking at him, Finn’s eyes were fixated somewhere on Sean’s face with a frown, probably the eye or the new scars.
Sean felt exposed, he hated how he looked now more than ever, just as he was about to start self-deprecating, he felt strong arms wrapped tightly around his torso, Sean tensed, relaxing nearly immediately under Finn’s warmth “I’m sorry” his voice sounded strained, tears running down his cheeks again.
"Me too…" Sean whispered resting his right hand on Finn's dreadlocks, caressing his head, he wanted to stay in that moment forever but a sound outside Finn’s room made him panic, pulling away and demanding that he change clothes, so no one would notice he was a patient.
With both boys dressed they ran around the parking lot searching for a car which doors were open.
"Found it my little Sean" Sean circled around the car reaching for the driver’s door, Finn was already in the car waiting, the tan boy kicked under the steering wheel to reveal the wires, crouching to work his magic, or in other words hot wiring the car, while the other watched in awe "still think that's fuckin' hot" he ignored the comment, he was too focused on everything else around him thinking what if they get busted.
This time everything went according to plan, they started driving and soon after they were on the road again, it was quiet, a comfortable quiet, Sean felt the adrenaline rush coming down making him notice his eye was throbbing, plus driving needed too much focus for the state of his wound, the darkness of the night only worsened the situation.
Now that they were safe and out of police reach Sean needed to think what to do next, how are they going to reach Nevada? Is Daniel safe? Is he with Jake? How the hell are they going to reach Haven point without really knowing where it is? They need a map but where can they get one without being recognized? How would Daniel react to his eye? Does he hate him for agreeing to the heist? Does he miss him?
Finn squeezed Sean’s thigh, he jumped, for a moment he forgot the other was there “Sean? pull up, let me drive" the taller boy sighed and nodded pulling on the side of the road and changing seats. Finn was now on his blind spot, it felt like he was alone again, so he put his back against the door, it wasn't comfortable, but he needed to know his lover? was still there.
“So… how bad was it?” he felt silly asking the same thing Finn did before, the tattooed boy tensed up he probably didn’t want to talk about it either.
“Broke a leg and a mild concussion, they took the cast off yesterday” Sean sighed in relief, when he woke up from the coma he knew three things, He had lost his left eye, Daniel was missing and nobody would tell him shit about Finn, at some point he thought he had died, until his nurse, Joye, took pity on him and secretly informed him that ‘he’s alive and well’. Since he was relearning how to draw, he spent hours practicing face anatomy drawing doodles of Finn, Finn with Daniel and Finn with him.
Obsessive much?
“You were worried, weren’t ya?” a smirk appeared on the blue-eyed making Sean roll his eye “Hey… why dontcha get some sleep” his tone softened, the smirk disappearing into an easy smile.
"But i want to keep you company" Sean tried scratching where his left eye should've been when Finn's hand moved from the gearbox to his own, holding it back "plus i- fuck- we need to get to Daniel" the other nodded.
"I hear ya, not gonna stop drivin' but ya need that beauty sleep" Finn joked but Sean didn't laugh, instead he shook his head snuggling up against the door, he can't go to sleep, not now, it would just lead to another nightmare where Daniel pushes himself over the edge begging for his older brother to go after him.
Sean didn’t talk much, letting Finn ramble about things like the cops taking most of his weed or how boring it was being alone in his room almost 24/7, he wasn’t really listening. When he realized almost five hours had passed, they had stopped at a gas station but that was it, Sean draw on one of the papers he kept from the hospital, he didn't want to ruin his sketch book with his now ‘ugly’ drawings.
Drawing your emotions usually seems like a good idea, a way to express your feelings or try to understand them or at least that's what he did back at the camp, he had drawn Finn like it was second nature, at that moment he knew he also liked boys, specifically one boy, a stupid stoner boy.
And sometimes drawing what you feel can punch you in the guts.
He stared at the newly drawn face of his brother, it was angrily staring back, Sean wanted to cry, to rip it apart, to throw it out of the window but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He was lost, surely Daniel hated him like he hated himself why wouldn't he? He threw his little brother into a cage full of hungry lions. He didn't deserve his love.
He didn’t deserve anyone’s love, every person he cared about ended up dying or pulling away, that had to mean something right? Yeah… that meant he was the fucking problem, maybe he has a superpower, the power to fuck everything up, it’s probably a matter of time before Finn dies or worse… leaves him. Because if he dies at least, he would die caring about them, if he dies it wouldn’t be because he wanted to. If he leaves, it would be because he didn’t care about Daniel, about Puerto Lobos, about him…
‘He’s going to leave right? We didn’t get the money and now I’m ugly’.
"Sean.... are you ok?" Finn's voice didn't ease his worry like it usually did, probably because he was in too deep, so deep that he didn't even notice that they had stopped moving "i thought we could use a lil' break" now he was paying attention, a vacancy sign flashing across the windshield. He gritted his teeth, anger started bubbling up in his stomach.
"No, dude, we are not staying in a fucking motel".
"Why not? Jus' wait here" and like that he was gone but Sean can't just wait, he can't rest until he had Daniel back, until he made things right for good before Finn leaves them, he had to keep going. His door opened making him almost fall, luckily someone caught him "Got a room, let’s go".
"I already told you no, we have to go get Daniel" he pushed Finn away with a stern look in his eyes.
"I know and we will, but i've been drivin' for hours and you seems out of it so let’s have some fun" of course he was out of it, he lost his eye and his brother, everything he tried to do was a mistake, how could he have fun? he wasn't allowed to have fun not since he lost his father and definitely not now that his brother is with god knows who doing god knows what.
"Is this a fucking joke to you?" he snapped; he didn't mean it but didn't take it back either, everything was happening too fast, at least on his mind, every thought came with a rush of feelings, none of them good, guilt, sorrow, anger, hurt.
"I’ve already paid for it, we can take a shower, clean the eye and sleep for a few hours, Daniel is not going anywhere" Sean sighed, it was so stupid, but they can't afford to waste money, he reluctantly stepped out of the car taking his things from the trunk and following Finn.
The room had two beds, a bathroom and a balcony it was as shitty as he thought it would be, Finn looked like an exited dog running around the room finally settling down on the bed near the balcony.
"fuckin' A! it's soft, way better than the one in the hospital" he was laughing with a wide grin, Sean couldn't help but getting even more angry and frustrated, is this the start of Finn losing interest in him? He doesn’t seem to care about Daniel anymore, if he did then why did he think it was a good idea to stop? They shouldn’t have stopped.
‘Cassidy was right’ she had sent him a letter when he was in the hospital, she was angry at him but even more angry at Finn, she wrote ‘he is impulsive and fucking selfish, I can’t believe he dragged a kid into that mess, and I can’t believe you dragged your own little brother into that’ Finn was probably only thinking about himself, and Sean went with it, just like that night, ‘It was all about the money, wasn’t it?’ Finn didn’t care about him.
Daniel is going to hate him even more now. Fuck Finn is so selfish.
"God you're so childish" his words were like shards of glass or at least that's what he felt "Finn you’re just… selfish, putting your comfort before my brother, i can't fucking believe it" he grumbled not really thinking about anything that came out of his mouth, Cassidy’s words burned on his mind, until he looked into Finn's eyes, they were the kind of blue you’d see before a storm, cloudy and hurt. He wanted to take everything back, he was going to, but Finn talked first.
"i- i'm sorry" he sighed and pushed himself off the bed “I know I fucked up, you have every right to be angry at me, if you don’t want me around tell me, I’ll find my way back to the hospital” Finns eyes were getting red, like he was about to cry “I'm gonna hit the shower" Sean stood there in pure shock, he had never seen Finn that sad? No, it was worse, like he was heartbroken.
He laid on the other bed, his mind blank for the first time in days just this pit on his stomach, he didn't mean to snap at Finn, now Finn was going to leave him, right? There’s no way he’d stay after that.
"I fucked up" he mumbled to himself.
Frogpiik on Chapter 1 Fri 07 Jun 2024 06:22AM UTC
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