Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Sapnap was out with George. They were walking around town, exploring. Sapnap felt something against his hand and realized George was subtly trying to hold his hand. He took it.

“I’m thinking about getting ice cream,” George said as he pulled out his phone.

“Ice cream sounds good,” Sapnap agreed quietly.

George glanced at Sapnap, barely even noticeable. He could side-eye people in such a judgemental, subtle way. After a moment of silently talking to himself, he started to walk with Sapnap’s hand in his own.

When they got to the parlour, Sapnap froze up when ordering. He looked at George as he awkwardly tried to hide the way he was pointing at what he wanted.

“And he’ll get a- cone? You want a bowl? No, sorry, he’ll get a bowl of butter pecan.”

They got their ice creams and sat at a bench outside. Sapnap was quiet, looking down at his shoes as he ate. George didn’t pry about it, but he was just a little worried.

“Wanna try some of mine?” George offered.

Sapnap nodded and took a bite. Then he took a scoop of his own ice cream and held it up. George took the bite.

“Mmm, that’s good, I might get that next time!”

George frowned slightly when he still didn’t get any answer other than a smile. He suspected that Sapnap may have been nonverbal, but there hadn’t been any sign. No pinch of the earlobe or pinch of the ring finger. Something was wrong.

“You wanna go anywhere else?” George asked.

Shake of the head.

“Time to go home?” He asked. “I think you’re all burnt out, aren’t you?”

A nod.

He waited for Sapnap to finish his ice cream before they walked back to the car. Sapnap stayed quiet the entire drive, his eyes dead-set on the road. He was driving slower, and he even pulled over and made a mumbled excuse of changing his playlist.

When they got home, Sapnap went straight to his room. George sat in the kitchen, feeling confused. He decided to text Dream and ask if Sapnap had said anything.

George:
> Did anything happen with Sapnap?
> He’s acting strange

Dream:
I’m actually texting him rn
He’s very happy
Everything okay?

George:
> We went out today and he just got real quiet and distant

Dream:
I’m sure he was just anxious
He told me he had a really good day

Meanwhile, Sapnap was in fact telling Dream about his good day. He felt comfortable unmasking once he was talking to Dream.

Sapnap:
| dada

Dream:
Kiddo

Sapnap:
| george got me ice cream

Dream:
Are you out right now?

Sapnap:
| no
| im little but i went little in public

Dream:
Did you behave?

Sapnap:
|i didnt tell anyone i was little
| george got me ice cream but im scared
| to be little

Dream:
That’s okay, I know you get scared

Sapnap:
| i walked up the stairs all by myself
| where the mark
| exclimashon
| ❗️

Dream:
Oh wow!! Good job!

Sapnap:
| what movie i should eatch with grorgr

Dream:
Pixels
On Netflix

Sapnap:
| thank you daddy i love you ❤️

Dream:
I love you too
And tell George if you need to
I want you using your soother, no grinding your lips

Sapnap:
| ill try

Dream:
Good boy
Enjoy your movie

Sapnap got to the top of the stairs. He tried to take a step but he felt his stomach twisting. He heard George in the kitchen and he was filled with anxiety, grabbing at him and trying to push him down. He imagined coming down to ask about the movie and accidentally falling down the steps, having George yell at him for being downstairs.

He could hear the sound. The bones breaking. He momentarily felt a jolt in his wrist, his hand clamping down on his koala stuffed animal.

He remembered what Dream said. Dream told him to tell George. And he always listened to Dream, he never wanted to disappoint his daddy.

“George?” He whispered.

No answer.

Anxiety was eating at him. He held his koala stuffy against his stomach, trying to squish the flesh-eating bug in his gut. It kept chomping away, his tissue being picked apart like felt material. He could feel its legs, and his eyes started to tear up.

“George?” He called a little louder.

“Sapnap?” George responded.

“George.”

He saw George in the doorway. Their eyes met and Sapnap momentarily imagined a very angry look on his face. He blinked and George was back to normal, which was relieving, but also made him realize he was seeing things.

“Hey, you alright?” George asked, crossing his arms and leaning against the doorframe.

Sapnap looked down at Wally, his stuffy. He mentally asked it if he should speak, and it replied with a yes. He looked back to George.

“Do you wanna watch Pixels with me?” He asked sheepishly, looking down at his socks.

“What’s that?” George asked.

Sapnap wanted to vanish in that moment. It was already hard enough to gather up the courage to ask, and now he was answered with another question? Everything felt overwhelming, like the pressure gauge in his head was at maximum.

“Movie…” he muttered shyly, his fingers pinching each other. “Adam Sandler, um, about video games in real life…”

He wanted to speak normally, to communicate like an actual adult. But he felt so, so shy. It was like he was speaking to a stranger. His usual comfort level with George was completely gone. George was a big, scary adult, and Sapnap was just a little kid.

“Sure, we can watch Pixels,” George replied gently. “Are you feeling okay?”

Sapnap nodded.

“Okay, just tell me if you need anything,” George mumbled before he walked back into the kitchen.

Sapnap stood still, zoning out. He felt disappointed in himself. He felt like he was doing something wrong, like he was upsetting George. He was insufferable, annoying, the worst kid ever.

George knew that Sapnap was an age-regressor, but it had been a very brief conversation between Dream and George after Sapnap had accidentally texted him while little. George didn’t seem comfortable with the idea, so Sapnap never interacted with him when he was regressed.

But now Dream was gone and Sapnap’s anxiety was skyrocketing. He was without his caregiver.

“You alright?”

Sapnap looked at the bottom of the stairs. George was standing there, remote in hand.

Sapnap suddenly felt like he was a toddler again, unable to speak, unable to communicate without crippling anxiety eating away at his confidence.

He was completely frozen.

George wasn’t the best with comforting people, but he knew that Sapnap was struggling. He had seen how bad his friend’s anxiety was. This wasn’t the first time he’d witnessed a shut down.

“Can you hear me?” George started.

Sapnap nodded and then looked back down at his socks.

“Would you like to watch the movie in your room?”

Another nod.

“Alright, go to your room, I’ll be there in a minute.”

George watched Sapnap slowly walking back to his room. Then he went to the kitchen and microwaved some Pizza Pops for them to share. He remembered that Pizza Pops were one of Sapnap’s safe foods when his anxiety was bad.

George walked up the stairs, then walked into Sapnap’s room. Sapnap was sitting on his bed, remote in hand. He sat down next to him and put the Pizza Pops on Sapnap’s lap.

Sapnap looked at the plate. “Thank you,” he whispered, giving George a small smile.

“You’re welcome,” George replied, returning the smile. “Here, gimme the remote.”

Sapnap did as asked. George took the remote and searched for Pixels, finding it on Netflix. He started the movie and leaned back, taking a Pizza Pop.

“You seen this before?” George asked.

“Mhm,” Sapnap hummed as he took a bite of his Pizza Pop.

After a few minutes, Sapnap finished his Pizza Pop. He looked at George as he gently nudged the plate towards him. George took the plate and gave a subtle nod as he picked another one up.

As the movie went on, Sapnap got more fidgety. He was paying attention, but he was pinching his fingers, humming occasionally, grinding his inner lips against his teeth. George didn’t know how to ask the obvious question.

“George?” Sapnap mumbled, glancing at him.

“Hm?”

“I tell you a spoiler?”

George chuckled. “No, I don’t want any spoilers.”

Sapnap grumbled and crossed his arms around Wally. George put an arm around his waist, pulling him closer. Sapnap leaned into him.

—— After the movie ——

George turned the TV off and stood up. Sapnap watched him, trying not to pout.

“Well, I’m gonna go to bed,” George said as he picked up the empty plate.

“Okay,” Sapnap mumbled, forcing a smile.

“Night.”

“Goodnight.”

Sapnap sat alone. He wanted George to stay. He wanted to cuddle with him, to tell him all about the movie and how excited it really made him.

But that wasn’t the case.

He got up and went to his desk, taking out his coloring book and markers. He sat on his chair and colored pictures, YouTube videos on in the background. It took about three pages before he finally felt like an adult again.

Chapter Text

Sapnap woke up at 9am. He got up, went to the gym, came home & showered, then decided to stream. He felt good to be back in his regular routine.

His Twitch stream went well. He played the usual New York Times games, went on a random rant, then picked up Naomi to show to Chat when she entered the room.

He switched to Kick, playing Hoplite with Flow. He really enjoyed talking to Flow. A lot.

“Yo, over here, over here!” Flow shouted.

Sapnap followed, too distracted to speak. He added the occasional laugh or mumble when he would remember that he needed to acknowledge Flow. He always felt more relaxed with Flow, since he was able to go nonverbal without feeling bad.

He ended stream after a few more rounds. After clicking the ‘End Stream’ button, he leaned back in his chair and sighed. He was feeling better today.

Sapnap decided to go see George. He walked down the hall and knocked on his door, entering when he heard an answer.

“Hey,” Sapnap said. “You wanna mess around in the guest house?”

George looked up from his phone. “Why?” He asked.

Sapnap swallowed the lump in his throat. George hadn’t used a mean tone, but Sapnap still felt like he was being a bother.

“Um, because why not?” He said hesitantly.

“Maybe later,” George mumbled.

“Yeah, no problem!”

Sapnap closed the door and took a breath. He forced himself to smile, then walked to the guest house by himself.

Sapnap took the time to sit on the floor, trying to learn how to play the guitar. He did half decent, learning a Nirvana song. But he felt lonely. The guest house was cold, like his childhood bedroom always felt.

He picked up his phone and called Sylvee.

“Hey,” Sylvee answered.

“Hi,” Sapnap said quietly. “I’m really bored.”

“You poor thing,” Sylvee teased.

“Is there anything we can do together?” He asked nervously.

“Um, do you wanna play Minecraft?” She offered.

“Yes please.”

“Alright, I’ll get a server going.”

“Okay, I’ll be on in a few minutes.”

Sapnap hung up and went to the bedroom in the guest house. He was too tired to walk back to his room, and the idea of stairs didn’t feel comfortable at the time. He took a blanket off the bed, wrapped it around his shoulders, then started up the PC.

He joined a call with Sylvee and they joined the server.

“Can we just… play creative?” Sapnap asked shyly.

“Sure!” Sylvee replied. “You wanna build?”

“Yeah!” Sapnap blurted excitedly.

“What should we build?” She asked.

“Not sure, you can choose.”

“How about we build an axolotl fountain?”

“Mhm!”

Sapnap looked at his second monitor as Sylvee sent screenshots on Discord. He grabbed the blocks he needed for the build while Sylvee dug out a spot.

“Can we make it a blue axolotl?” Sapnap asked. “Like Wally?”

“Oh, like Wally?” Sylvee chuckled, her voice sweet.

“Please?” Sapnap mumbled.

“Of course.”

Sapnap smiled. He listened to Sylvee’s instructions as they built the fountain together. He just listened, following along.

“Are you little?” Sylvee asked casually.

“No,” Sapnap grumbled.

“Hmm… maybe we should make this axolotl yellow instead?” She thought.

“No!” Sapnap whined. “No, you said he could be like Wally…” he pouted sadly.

“Sapnap, I think you’re little,” she said with an amused laugh.

Sapnap was quiet for a moment. “I’m trying not to be,” he whispered.

“Why?” Sylvee whispered back.

“George doesn’t like me being little,” he mumbled, his Minecraft character going still as he put his hands on his lap.

“I’m sure he doesn’t mind!” Sylvee said positively.

“But I think he does…” Sapnap muttered. “What if he gets mad?”

“How could anyone get mad at a boy as sweet as you?” Sylvee asked.

Sapnap leaned back, a frown on his face. He looked down at his hands, pinching at his fingers. He swivelled side to side in his chair, his feet planted on the ground.

“I want daddy back,” Sapnap sighed. “George is scary.. what if he yells at me?”

Sylvee laughed. “Oh my gosh, Sapnap, my love, George would never yell at you,” Sylvee said between chuckles.

“He will,” Sapnap grumbled.

“You’re having some pretty serious anxiety, aren’t you?”

“Mhm…” Sapnap hummed sadly.

“It’s okay, I promise you’re safe,” she said softly.

“Mummy?” Sapnap whispered.

“Yeah?” Sylvee replied.

“It’s okay if I cry?” He asked.

“It’s okay if you cry,” she assured.

Sylvee heard quiet sniffles. She hated when Sapnap got upset, especially when he was sad or lonely. She looked for a YouTube video that Sapnap would like, scrolling as she listened to his hiccups and small gasps.

“Look at Discord,” Sylvee said.

“Looking,” Sapnap mumbled.

“Join my stream, we’re gonna watch something,” she said. “Turn your camera on too.”

They both turned their cameras on. Sylvee was looking as pretty as always, while Sapnap looked pitiful. He was slouched down in his chair, blanket wrapped around him, cheeks covered in tears.

Once Sapnap had joined the stream, she sat back, thinking about how she could help more. She hated when Sapnap got like this, all quiet. He would have such irrational thoughts and feelings, and it was hard to get him to open up about them.

Sapnap, thankfully, focused on the video. He went quiet. Sylvee watched the camera, observing how Sapnap’s eyes followed the video. He would occasionally parrot Ryan Trahan, or even giggle.

“Mama?” Sapnap whispered, partially zoned into the video.

“Yes, Panda?” Sylvee answered quietly.

“I don’t wanna be alone.”

The words shattered her heart. She felt so bad for Sapnap, for his past, all the feelings that he could never turn off. Sylvee wanted so desperately to take care of him. She wanted to hold him, let him know he was going to be okay.

“You’re not alone, you’re just not ready to ask for help.”

“I miss my dada,” he whispered.

“I think it’s getting close to your bedtime,” Sylvee mumbled.

“Don’t make me be alone,” he pouted.

She paused the video. “I’m getting up,” she said. “Get up with me, we’re gonna brush our teeth.”

Sapnap listened, getting up and going to the bathroom. She listened as the tap ran. They brushed their teeth at the same time, both arriving back in their rooms at the same time.

“Okay, go to bed,” Sylvee said quietly. “I’ll stay on the call.”

“Promise?” Sapnap whispered.

“I promise.”

Sylvee turned her camera off, while Sapnap left his on. She watched his camera as he turned the light off, and both of them got into bed.

“Goodnight, my little panda.”

“Goodnight, mummy. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Chapter Text

George was eating cereal for breakfast when Sapnap walked into the kitchen.

“Morning,” George greeted.

“Morning!” Sapnap said cheerfully.

Sapnap took his meds out of the cupboard and grabbed a glass of water. He took the pill and then set the bottle back.

“Can I tell you some stuff?” Sapnap asked with a smile as he grabbed a bowl.

“Sure,” George answered.

“Okay, first of all, I taught myself a song on guitar!” Sapnap said.

“Oh wow, that’s awesome!” George commented.

“And secondly, I wanted to go to the mall with you,” he said, a proud smile on his face.

Sapnap sat down across from George and filled his bowl with cereal and milk. He smiled brightly when they made eye contact. George hadn’t seen Sapnap so happy in quite a while.

“Sure,” George agreed. “Any particular reason?”

“I wanted to buy new shoes,” Sapnap replied.

George nodded in response.

They ate their cereal together, and then put their dishes in the dishwasher. George followed Sapnap to the car. He was in charge of music while Sapnap drove.

When they got to the mall, Sapnap was almost skipping to the store. George took his hand to keep him from getting too far ahead.

“What’s got you so excited?” George asked.

“Not sure,” Sapnap shrugged.

George smiled and nodded. He observed Sapnap as they walked, seeing how his eyes went every which way, attention diverting from place to place. It was almost off putting to see.

They arrived at the store, Brown’s. Sapnap kept his hand in George’s as he walked along the wall, looking at all the different shoes. He finally settled when he saw a pair of Doc Martens.

“Look,” Sapnap said quietly.

George looked where Sapnap was pointing. A pair of boots, dark brown with dusty-yellow laces. They had a small platform with a slight heel.

“You like ‘em?” George asked.

Sapnap nodded. He looked back at George and pinched his own earlobe.

“Want me to ask someone for a pair in your size?” George offered quietly.

Sapnap nodded again.

George looked around and found a worker. The worker came over and George asked for a pair in Sapnap’s size. The worker returned with the box a couple minutes later.

Sapnap sat down next to George, opening the box and taking the boots out. He took his shoes off and replaced them with the Docs, tying them. He looked at George as he tapped the toes of his boots together.

George smiled at Sapnap’s expression. “They look great, I like them,” he said.

Sapnap smiled and looked back down at his boots. He stood up and walked around a bit, eyes on the boots. He came back and sat close to George.

“You gonna get ‘em?” George asked.

“Mhm,” Sapnap replied.

They put Sapnap’s shoes in the box and went to the front desk. Sapnap paid and then they were headed back to the car, holding hands. Sapnap relied on George to guide him as he kept his focus on his boots.

When they got to the car, George watched in confusion as Sapnap got into the backseat.

“Uhh… what’re you doing?” George asked awkwardly.

Sapnap tilted his head slightly, lips parting in confusion. He squinted.

“I can’t drive,” George chuckled, eyebrows furrowed.

“Oohhh…” Sapnap mumbled.

He got up and walked to the drivers side, getting in and starting the car. George got in on the passenger side, looking at Sapnap with worry. He saw the hesitation in his movements.

“You okay?”

Sapnap looked down at his lap with a frown. George reached out and put his hand on Sapnap’s thigh. Sapnap gently played with George’s fingers.

“Can’t drive,” Sapnap whispered.

George looked at him. “Why not?” He asked.

Sapnap hesitated. “Little.”

Everything clicked for George when he heard that. It made sense why Sapnap had gotten into the backseat now, the boy was little.

“I’m sorry.”

George looked at Sapnap. “Don’t apologize,” he said.

“Okay,” Sapnap mumbled. “Please put on your music, it helps me get big.”

George connected his phone to bluetooth and put some music on. He subtly observed Sapnap, watching the way he looked at the parts of the car as if he was about to drive for the first time. It was a bit scary to think about that.

After maybe fifteen minutes, Sapnap put the car in Drive and started driving. He kept his hands on ten and two, eyes on the road and mirrors. He was putting all his focus into driving.

They got home and walked into the house. George followed behind Sapnap, whose foot just barely missed the first step of the stairs. Sapnap gasped and grabbed at the stairs in front of him, his fingers slipping. He hit his chin on the step.

“Are you okay?” George asked as he rushed to Sapnap.

Sapnap was frozen in shock. His hands held the step and he lifted his head.

“It’s okay, you just fell,” George said gently from behind him, putting his hands on Sapnap’s shoulders.

Sapnap gagged and put his head down. George sat down on the second step and gently put a hand under Sapnap’s chin, tilting it up. He gasped when he saw Sapnap’s mouth, blood trickling from between his lips.

“You bit your tongue, huh?” He mumbled.

When George got no answer, he looked at Sapnap’s eyes. The expression scared him. He’d never seen Sapnap so petrified before, like a beaten dog.

“Hey,” he whispered. “Hey, let’s go to the bathroom,” he said gently as he stood up.

George took Sapnap’s trembling hand and led him to the bathroom. Sapnap spat in the sink, gagging when he saw the blood. He grabbed his stomach and hunched over.

George rubbed Sapnap’s back, unsure of how to comfort him. He didn’t know what was wrong or how to fix it. All he could do was hope that Sapnap would talk soon.

He heard a sob come from Sapnap. He saw bloody spit dripping onto the floor, and heard more crying and gagging. He understood why Sapnap would be in pain, but the reaction seemed more severe.

“Dream- Dream, call Dream,” Sapnap cried, words slurring.

Before George could get his phone out, Sapnap suddenly passed out. George took a shaky breath, overwhelmed with the situation. He laid Sapnap on his side, as he’d seen Dream do when he fainted. He took out his phone and put the call on speaker as he grabbed a towel and wiped the blood from Sapnap’s mouth.

“Hey,” Dream answered.

“Um, hey, Sapnap told me to call but he fainted,” George explained.

“Oh, what happened?” Dream asked.

“He hit his, uh, his chin on the stairs. Bit- Bit his tongue, I’m wiping the blood right now.”

Dream was quiet.

Sapnap started to stir, and George rubbed his arm. “Dream’s on the phone,” he said quietly.

“Mm, Dream,” Sapnap grumbled as he sat up, eyes glazed over.

“Hey,” Dream said gently.

“It’s bro-”

“It’s not broken,” Dream sighed.

“Bleeding,” Sapnap mumbled, his eyes rolling back slightly as he struggled to stay awake.

“I know. I know it’s scary, I know.”

Sapnap passed out again.

“He’s out,” George sighed as he sat beside him.

“He’s got a phobia of blood,” Dream lied.

“What?” George laughed. “No he doesn’t, he was fine when Karl had that accident.”

“Right,” Dream grumbled.

“I don’t think he’s okay when you’re not here,” George said.

“He’s got you.”

“I’m not you.”

Dream didn’t respond after that.

“I’m gonna go now,” George mumbled before hanging up.

Sapnap started to wake up again. George pulled Sapnap’s arm over his shoulders and helped him to stand up. He held his waist as he walked slowly.

“Noooo…” Sapnap whined tiredly as they got to the stairs.

“I’m taking you to bed,” George said gently.

“No stairs,” Sapnap insisted.

“Look, it’s fine,” George said.

George tried walking closer but Sapnap stood still. George looked at him and saw his eyes full of tears again. He felt so bad for not knowing how to help more. He didn’t know what Sapnap was feeling, or how to soothe him.

“Hey, we’re just going to bed,” George whispered.

“I’m scared,” Sapnap whimpered, his voice breaking.

“You won’t fall again.”

“He’s gonna hurt me.”

George froze. “Who?”

“My dad,” Sapnap cried, hugging George’s neck.

“You don’t live with him,” George mumbled.

“He’s gonna yell at me,” Sapnap slurred.

George rubbed his back. “We’re gonna take slow, slow steps,” he said quietly. “You just hold onto me.”

Sapnap stood with his arms loosely around George’s neck, walking sideways. George took the first step onto the stairs, pressing Sapnap against the wall as he moved. Sapnap took shaky steps, following George’s lead.

“Good, just like that,” George encouraged quietly.

Sapnap sniffled, his eyes on the steps. He was squeezing George’s shirt in his shaky hands.

“I used to go down the stairs by myself when I was two,” Sapnap whispered with a lisp from his swelling tongue.

“Mm,” George hummed, not sure how to respond.

“I would fall,” Sapnap started. “I didn’t get dinner so I’d sneak down at night, but it would be too dark and I’d be dizzy from being hungry.”

“You didn’t get dinner?” George questioned. “Why not?”

“They didn’t wanna feed me,” Sapnap muttered.

“I’m sorry you went through that.”

“That’s why I’m afraid of the stairs,” Sapnap whispered. “I broke my wrist once, and I got yelled at for it. I got yelled at every time I got caught,” he whimpered, his tears starting again.

They got to the top step. George pulled Sapnap into a hug.

“You did it, you got all the way to the top,” George praised. “You’re not gonna get yelled at, I promise.”

Sapnap broke down into tears, face pressed against George’s neck. George swayed side to side, hand rubbing his back.

George slowly walked to Sapnap’s room, helping him get his jeans off and getting him into bed. He pulled the covers over him and sat next to him, rubbing his arm.

“I don’t like telling people about that,” Sapnap mumbled.

“I bet it’s upsetting to think about,” George whispered.

Sapnap nodded. “Could you please get me some ice water?” He asked. “And in a Gatorade bottle, so I can drink it while laying down.”

“Sure,” George replied. “I’ll bring you a painkiller too.”

Sapnap watched George leave the room. He rolled over and found Wally, pulling him into a hug. He could taste blood in his mouth and he struggled not to gag again. It was hard to ignore the sound of breaking bones in his head.

He sat up when he heard George walk back in. George gave him a pill and the water bottle. He took both, swallowing the pill and taking a breath. Sapnap laid back down, pulling his blanket over his shoulders.

“I can stay here tonight if you’d like?” George offered.

“Only if you want,” Sapnap mumbled.

“Do you want me to?”

Sapnap hesitated to nod.

George smiled and got up, turning the light off. He got into the bed, laying on the other side. He wasn’t big on sharing beds, but he wanted to be with Sapnap just in case.

He heard sniffling and he couldn’t ignore it. He rolled over and took Sapnap’s hand. Sapnap put George’s hand on his cheek, and George gently rubbed his thumb back and forth.

“I want my soother,” Sapnap whispered. “It’s in the nightstand.”

George reached behind him and found the soother in the drawer. “Here,” he whispered, putting it in Sapnap’s mouth.

Sapnap moved closer, hugging George’s forearm along with his koala stuffy. George put his other hand on Sapnap’s pillow, his pinky next to Sapnap’s nose.

“Ni-Ni,” Sapnap mumbled through his soother.

“Night night,” George whispered.

Chapter Text

Sapnap looked over at Chat. He caught a highlighted message: ‘HI DREAM!!’. He checked the viewers and saw that Dream was in fact a viewer on his stream.

“Hey Dream,” he said.

“Dream?” Flow questioned.

“Yeah, he’s watching my stream,” he explained.

“Isn’t Dream at a business thing for the week?” Flow asked.

Sapnap nodded. “Yup. Left on Tuesday, today’s Saturday; so he’s not back forrrr… three more days.”

“Damn, got it marked on your calendar or something?” Flow laughed.

“I do, actually!” Sapnap laughed.

“Missin’ your sugar daddy?” Flow joked.

“He’s not my sugar daddy!” Sapnap said with fake aggression.

Sapnap looked back at Chat. He quickly searched Dream’s username, looking for any messages from him. There was one from a couple minutes ago: ‘Hey Flow’.

“Dream says hi,” Sapnap mentioned.

“Hey Dream!” Flow replied. “You should join my stream instead, maybe gift some subs.”

The game went on and Sapnap forgot all about Dream being a viewer. Until.

“Yooo!” Flow shouted. “Thanks Dream for twenty gifted subs!”

Sapnap looked back at Chat, which was now missing Dream in the moderator list.

“Oh, there’s a message too!” Flow laughed. He read: “‘I GUESS I have some extra money’. Thank you, Dream. Looks like you’re my sugar daddy now.”

Sapnap laughed along. He tilted his head down, blocking his eyes from the camera view. He wasn’t crying but he knew it looked very obvious when he would zone out, which was embarrassing.

“You should move in with me, Dream,” Flow joked.

Sapnap started to fully zone out, his vision blurring. He tried to keep moving in Minecraft but his hands were getting weak. He felt like a ghost; see through, unable to touch.

He told himself that it was just friendly banter. Nothing to over-analyze, nothing to panic or worry about. He shouldn’t fear something that would never happen. Flow was literally seventeen and in school, while Dream was a successful adult millionaire with a mini-mansion.

His phone buzzed, catching his attention. He picked it up with hands that didn’t feel stable. They didn’t even feel real.

He read the text from Dream:

Dream:
I think it’s time to end your stream :)

Sapnap left Dream on read. He put his phone down and grabbed his mouse, struggling as he navigated to the ‘End Stream’ button. He gasped when he realized that he almost forgot to leave his Discord VC with Flow.

He picked his phone up again.

Sapnap:
| im sorry

Dream:
Why?

Sapnap:
| i fot jealois

Dream:
It’s okay to feel jealous
Can you explain your feelings a bit?

Sapnap:
| can i send a vm?

Dream:
Ofc

Sapnap:
[ Voice Message ]
“I know Flow is like 17 and nothing would ever happen at all anyways but I just- I just felt really weird when you- when you were making sugar daddy jokes… Because, well, you know, like I regress and stuff like that. He was calling you ‘daddy’. And I know he didn’t mean it like that but I just- I don’t know I felt really jealous I’m sorry.”

Dream:
You’re probably extra anxious because I’m out of town?
That’s what I’m assuming

Sapnap:
[ Voice Message ]
“I know I’m just overthinking, but I got anxious that you would actually leave me. I think I just got really defensive when Flow started calling you his sugar daddy because like… You’re my daddy.”

Dream:
No one’s taking me away from you
I swear on my life
ESPECIALLY not some fucking 17 y/o

Sapnap:
| yeah idk whg my brain even went there :(
| i think im gonna go see George

Dream:
Alr, stay safe
Ily :)

Sapnap:
| ilyt :D

Sapnap put his phone down. His head felt much clearer, all the fuzziness gone. He even chuckled a bit at how irrational his thinking had been.

He stood up and walked out of his room, going downstairs. The stair anxiety was gone today, which was surprising considering he just had an extremely triggering incident the night before.

Sapnap found George on the couch, Patches on his lap. George was on his phone. Sapnap came and sat next to him. He put a hand on Patches’ soft fur, smiling when she started to purr.

“You wanna go on a walk?” George asked.

“You?” Sapnap chuckled. “You wanna go on a walk?”

“Thought you could wear your new boots,” George said with a smile.

Sapnap smiled back. “Oh… yeah, I wanna wear my new boots!”

“Let’s go then.”

They went to the front door. Sapnap occasionally glanced at George while he tied his boots up. He was very happy with his purchase.

They walked out the front door.

“Where are we going?” Sapnap asked.

“Not sure,” George shrugged.

George started to walk. Sapnap followed behind and they went up the driveway. They walked along the side of the road. The area around their house was covered with trees and far enough away from the city that cars were rarely going down their road.

“How’ve you been lately?” George asked.

“Alright, overall,” Sapnap replied.

He looked at the ground as they walked. He kicked at pebbles and stared at his new boots. He took George’s hand so he wouldn’t have to look where he was going.

“But like, really,” George said. “How’ve you really been?”

Sapnap huffed. “Rough,” he mumbled.

“What’s been rough?”

“I don’t like being… this.”

George held his hand a bit tighter. “Why not? I love you just as you are,” he said gently.

“I don’t like being an ‘age-regressor’,” he told. “Or being like- mentally ill, traumatized… stuff like that, ya know?” he explained, giving George nervous glances.

“Um, I guess I don’t really know, but I don’t imagine that it would be easy to be in your shoes,” George replied hesitantly.

“I feel really conflicted most of the time,” Sapnap confessed. “Because I live in this big, fancy house with my best friends, and I make a fuck ton of money… but… at the same time, I feel like nobody really understands that I still struggle- or sees that I struggle at all, actually.”

George listened to Sapnap’s voice. He’d never heard him speak so much of his troubles before. Whatever George said or did, he was happy it got Sapnap to finally open up.

“I haven’t told you a lot of stuff about my life. Like a lot,” Sapnap mumbled, his tone defeated. “I don’t- I really, really don’t wanna seem like a sob-story. I hate the idea of telling someone about what’s really going on- and-” His breath started to interrupt his slowing words, tears welling up already.

“I’m just gonna listen,” George whispered. “I’m a tape recorder, nothing more.”

Sapnap took a shaky breath. “I wish I didn’t have the… thoughts I did. I wish I didn’t constantly feel like…” He gulped. “Like I wasn't enough,” he said gravelly, his voice wavering as tears fell. “Because I know that- I- I’m enough… but my mind won’t let me just have that. It won’t let me feel like I’m enough, no matter how sure I am.

“I’m never going to be happy. A- and-” His tears were flowing down his cheeks, dripping from his chin. “And I wish I could-” His voice completely broke, overrun with cries. “I wish I could just sit back and enjoy it for one- f- for one day… but I- I just can’t! I can’t!”

He stopped walking and put his hands over his face. George hugged him, one hand on the back of his head.

“I just want you to be as happy as you can be,” George said almost robotically as he tried not to shed any tears. “I’m always going to be here, no matter what. I’m here for you. Dream’s here, Sylvee’s here, Sam’s here. We’re all here, I promise.”

“I wish I could just be happy,” Sapnap sobbed.

“Awh…” George scoffed sadly. “I wanna take your pain away, I really do.”

Sapnap whimpered. He hugged George and pressed his nose against his collarbone. He felt the hand in his hair, soothing him. He listened to the sound of swaying trees and birds.

They stood there for a long time. To the point that Sapnap was getting cold from standing still.

George pulled back. He took Sapnap’s hand and they started to walk back home. They kept a slow pace. Sapnap kept his head down.

“You carry a lot on your shoulders,” George commented quietly. “I wish you’d talk about it more.”

“Um… I just have this really severe, irrational fear of like…” Sapnap sighed in frustration. “I don’t wanna seem like- attention seeking or anything, but it’s really hard to talk about my health without um…”

George didn’t push Sapnap to speak. He was actually trying really hard to be quiet, because Sapnap had never opened up this much. Not to anyone. Maybe Dream, but even then it seemed unlikely.

“It’s like, if I tell someone that I’m… suicidal, per se. I have these thoughts about being abused. And they’re really hard-” his voice broke again, his sentence ended in a whiny sigh. “I hate talking about it because I don’t want people to know that, every time I don’t feel okay, reaching out for help requires really, really, really fucking distressing images in my head. I don’t even tell- I’ve never told therapists, no one ever. Because that’s like going up to a parent and asking for food, then receiving a fucking beating for simply existing. Which is exactly what I went through, but I just- I can’t stand the pity of it all. It seems so irrational to others but that was my reality as a kid.”

George moved closer, putting his arm around Sapnap’s shoulders. Sapnap put his arm around George’s waist and kept his head down. They walked onto the property and Sapnap’s crying was replaced with a numb stare.

“I don’t know how I could ever pity you,” George chuckled quietly. “You are not worth any pity. You’re deserving of a metal for all the shit you put up with. I can’t even fathom how hard everyday is for you. You’re fucking strong, you’re really strong.”

A smile grew on both their faces. They got to the door but Sapnap stepped into George and hugged his waist. George almost fell, catching himself with the doorknob. They both shared a laugh.

Sapnap latched onto George, still hugging him as they walked into the house. George didn’t complain this time. He let Sapnap cling as much as he wanted.

Chapter Text

Sapnap woke up on the floor of his streaming room. Milo was pawing at his hand. Sapnap sat up and picked Milo up, setting him on his lap and petting him.

“Sapnap?” Flow asked.

Sapnap flinched. “O- Oh, hello?” He questioned, realizing his headphones were on.

“You’re streaming,” Flow said.

Sapnap looked up and saw himself on the camera displaying on his monitor, sitting with Milo.

“Shit,” he said with a hint of anger.

“You alright?” Flow chuckled.

“Uh.” Sapnap shook his head as he stood up. “Yeah, I’m alright. I have a medical thing.”

“Really?”

Sapnap walked back to his desk, feeling shaky. He sat on his chair and turned his camera off. He looked at Chat:

user: ARE YOU OKAY
user: wtf
user: ????
user: do u have anemia??
user: what happened?

“Yeah. Chat, I’m fine,” he chuckled. “It’s just a small issue, I don’t really like to talk about it.”

He actually felt decently okay mentioning it. He thought about it and realized that Chat wasn’t even there. Chat wasn’t scary. He could talk to his chat.

He started to grin.

“Well, I can talk about it a little, actually.”

“I wanna hear it!” Flow commented.

user: yeah what happened
user: Bro does not sound okay
user: erm what the sigma
user TELL US

Sapnap turned his camera back on, giving chat a shy smile. “I have an anxiety disorder,” he informed, feeling good about sharing. “I also have Vasovagal syncope, which is triggered by my anxiety.”

“I’m sorry, what the fuck are those words?” Flow laughed.

user: what’s that?
user: vazovagel???

He chuckled. “It’s a condition that makes people faint when they’re triggered by something,” he explained, leaning back in his chair. “Sometimes people have it for specific stuff, like when they see blood. For me, it’s a stress and anxiety response.”

“I saw you go down,” Flow chuckled. “My chat started asking what the thump sound was.”

“It was me!” Sapnap blurted, putting his pointer finger up dramatically.

Sapnap was proud of himself for what he shared. He was always very nervous to tell people—the people only ever being literal doctors. This was a lot less professional than doctors, which was nerve wracking..

“That’s kind of more than I’d like to share, but I guess it didn’t hurt to explain,” he said with a shrug.

“How often does that happen?” Flow asked.

“Not too often. It’s usually when I’m more stressed, on the maximum it would be maybe four times a week?” He said. “But for me it’s once a month I’d say.”

“Gotta suck.”

“It’s not the worst,” Sapnap replied. “But I’m gonna go now. Fainting’s pretty hard on my body.”

“Yeah, have a good day, man!” Flow said.

“You too. Bye for now, Chat.”

Sapnap ended his stream and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. His arm hurt quite a bit. He assumed he’d fallen on it. And then he came to the dreadful realization that his passing out had definitely been clipped and posted.

He opened Twitter on his phone. He didn’t even have to search anything before he saw a tweet with a video attached. He clicked on it and saw the moment he went down. His assumptions were confirmed as he saw himself hit his shoulder on the edge of the couch.

He cringed. It felt uncomfortable to know that thousands or even millions of people could see him in that state. He had tried really hard to hide his issues from the public, and he was starting to regret even speaking about it.

His phone screen switched to a picture of Dream holding up his own phone, which was open on the Notes app, ‘can we leave?’ typed.

He accepted the call.

“Dream!” He answered excitedly.

“Hey,” Dream said, his voice nowhere near the same energy. “I saw the clip of you fainting, are you alright?”

“Oh, I’m not sure,” Sapnap answered casually. “I told my stream about it! But now I’m not sure how I feel about people knowing.”

“What did you tell them?” Dream asked with a tinge of worry.

“I told them I have Vasovagal syncope,” he told.

“Anything else?”

“Nope.”

“Alright, that’s good. How’s your head?” Dream asked.

“It’s fine,” Sapnap replied. “It’d be better if you were here,” he giggled.

“I’ll be home before you know it,” Dream assured. “Can you do me a favor?”

“Yeah, what?” Sapnap answered enthusiastically.

“Can you go eat a snack?” He asked. “And please send me a picture of it with at least one bite, okay?”

“Okay, okay, I can do that,” Sapnap chuckled, feeling happy to have a task.

“Alright, I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Talk soon, love you, bye.”

“Bye for now.”

Sapnap got up and went downstairs, into the kitchen. He made himself a grilled cheese sandwich and sent a picture to Dream after the first few bites.

Dream:
Good job <3

Chapter Text

This series will be temporary on pause for 1-3 weeks. I’m finishing up my school year and I need to apply for jobs and volunteer.

I promise I’ll be back!! I really enjoy writing, especially when I have people who comment and subscribe to my works - you keep me motivated! But I need some time to focus on my life for now.

I also have the last 3 chapters in my drafts!!! None of them are finished, unfortunately :/ but they’re getting there!!

Thanks for reading!
Hope you stick around :D

Chapter Text

Sapnap felt fingers softly grazing his cheek. He opened his eyes and flinched when he saw a hand, unable to see anything else in the dark.

“George?” He mumbled.

“Guess again.”

Sapnap sat up immediately. He leaped forward and Dream caught him. Sapnap slung an arm over his shoulder, the other under his arm. He latched onto him, his breathing picking up.

“Daddy,” Sapnap cried.

“You’re already little,” Dream whispered, amused.

Sapnap started to cry. “Daddy I missed you,” he whined.

“I’m home, kid. I’m back,” he soothed.

Sapnap woke up.

He sat up, looking around for Dream. No sign. He felt around for Wally as he continued to scan the room. He found Wally and held it close.

Sapnap sat still, his bones stiff. He had been so happy in his dream, and now he felt cold. He imagined the room to be empty when the lights turned on, like he was completely stranded.

He stood up and walked to George’s room. He tried to knock but he couldn’t work up enough courage. He had a flashback to his dad hitting him on the top of the head for trying to sneak into his parent’s room. He had been scared after hearing someone yelling outside. He ended up going to bed feeling sick.

But he remembered his conversation with George two days ago. About all the fear he had been experiencing and been too scared to talk about or work through. So, although he felt sick to his stomach, he knocked.

“Gogy?” He whispered between knocks. “Gogy, I need attention please.”

He heard the sound of footsteps. He grabbed the doorframe as he began to feel dizzy. He told himself that nothing bad would happen; there was no reason to pass out.

The door opened. “Whatcha need?” George grumbled, eyes half closed.

Sapnap was holding Wally. “Attention,” he whispered, his voice small and shy.

“Come lay with me,” George mumbled sleepily, taking Sapnap’s hand and bringing him to bed.

Sapnap laid with George, back against his chest. He gently took George’s hand and put his finger in his mouth.

“Forget your soother?” George chuckled.

Sapnap nodded, humming softly. “I miss dada,” he mumbled.

“He’ll be back in two days,” George assured.

“Gogy?”

“Yeah?”

“I miss dada.”

George chuckled and put his arm around Sapnap’s waist, holding him tight. “I know.”

“When dada…”

Sapnap passed out. George couldn’t tell if he fainted or not. The repeating the same thought twice made it hard to tell, but George also didn’t know much about regression—or children—so he just assumed that Sapnap really wanted to get his point across.

—— Afternoon ——

Sapnap walked back to his room after taking a shower, towel around his waist. He frowned when he looked at his bed, remembering the dream he had last night. Remembering how real Dream’s warm hands felt.

He closed his bedroom door and pulled his phone out, calling Dream and putting it on speaker. He put his phone on his dresser as he got dressed.

“Sss, mm, what?” Dream groaned quietly.

“I wake you up?” Sapnap chuckled.

Sapnap smiled at his phone, looking at it as if Dream would crawl through at any second. He looked back to the task at hand as he chose a pair of pants.

“Mhm…”

“Did you have any dreams?” Sapnap asked.

“No,” Dream grumbled. “Did you?”

“I had a dream you were home,” Sapnap admitted shyly.

“We can make that a reality in two days,” Dream suggested cheekily.

“Reality moves too slow to make me happy.”

“Bet a lot of girls call you ‘Reality’ in bed, huh?”

Sapnap scoffed a laugh. “That’s a good one,” he muttered.

“Are you changing?” Dream asked curiously.

Sapnap took a step back and looked around his room. “How’d you know?”

“I heard your drawer squeak.”

“I can’t believe you recognized that,” Sapnap mumbled as he glanced nervously around his room.

“Stop, I hear your glancing,” Dream laughed.

Sapnap grabbed his phone and hung up. He felt really on edge for some reason. Anxiety often accompanied him like a rash—which was physically replicated by skin picking—but paranoia over a small coincidence from a long-time friend was not normal for him.

Sapnap was about to power his phone off when he realized that he was being irrational. He would just leave Dream confused and worried if texts and calls were suddenly blocked. Sapnap couldn’t keep doing this. So instead, he called again.

“Hey!” Dream answered. “Someone walk in on you or something?”

“Uh, no,” Sapnap mumbled. “Sorry, I just got a little paranoid when you asked me if I was changing,” he said awkwardly, taking a silent breath. “I thought you put cameras in my room, I don’t know why.”

“Oh?” Dream muttered. “That’s not good. Have you taken your meds, are you stressed at all?” He questioned.

“I just want you to come home,” Sapnap sighed. “I feel so disorganized without you.”

“You’re having really severe anxiety symptoms,” Dream said in defeat. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I need you.”

“Why?”

Sapnap huffed. “Reasons.”

“You can’t just say ‘reasons’,” Dream mocked.

“You can’t just leave either, but you did,” Sapnap pouted.

“Are you little?”

“No!”

“Don’t yell,” Dream scolded calmly. “We don’t yell, just take a moment.”

Sapnap’s deep breaths were heard over the phone.

“I’m only a tiny bit little,” he sighed.

“I know you’re upset, bud,” Dream started. “I know you’re mad at me. That’s okay.”

“I just…” Sapnap’s voice was pouty and shy. “I thought I could be fine without you.”

“Well I think you’re doing good so far.”

“I’m not. I’m doing really, really bad.”

“Why d’you say that?” Dream asked.

“I had a breakdown on call with Sylvee,” Sapnap admitted. “I had an episode in front of George.” He paused. “I feel so embarrassed.”

“We all have bad days, you out of anyone shouldn’t forget that,” Dream said gently. “I know you’re stuck on a rollercoaster, I know you struggle. Really, Sapnap, I know. And I’m proud of you for trying your hardest.”

Sapnap huffed. Then he sniffled.

“It’s just hard,” he whimpered, words deteriorating.

Dream pictured Sapnap, the boy curled up on the floor, cap pulled over his eyes. He pictured Sapnap all alone, trying desperately to recognize that he was trying at all.

“It is,” Dream sympathized. “I bet you feel pretty lost.”

“Mhm,” Sapnap pouted.

“Can you do me a favour?”

“Mhm…”

“Can you tell me what you’re wearing?”

“Um… Panda cap,” Sapnap murmured, struggling to move his lips. And my cargo pants… with a Vans shirt.”

“Why don’t you put on your Killua hoodie?” Dream suggested.

“Y- Yeah, I want that one,” Sapnap said more coherently.

“It better be in your closet,” Dream playfully scolded. “I don’t wanna come home to a messy room, you hear me?”

Sapnap sniffled. “I’m keeping it clean just for you, daddy,” he said innocent.

“Good,” Dream chuckled.

After a moment of shuffling, followed by the sound of Sapnap putting his phone on his dresser, Dream could hear a faint hiccup. Not an actual hiccup, but a sound Sapnap would make with his throat when he needed to cough but was too lazy to do so. It would turn his chuckles into little hiccups.

Some shuffling, then Sapnap’s voice.

“Soft,” he whispered.

“Perfect.”

“Daddy?”

“Yeah, kiddo?”

“Can I please go to your room?”

“What for?”

Sapnap paused. “I don’t know,” he sighed.

“Do you wanna go watch a movie in there?” Dream offered.

“Hunter Hunter!” Sapnap exclaimed.

“Sure,” Dream chuckled. “Just send me a picture when you start watching it, alright?”

“Alright!”

Sapnap hung up the phone.

A few minutes later, Dream received a text. It was a video from Sapnap, showing HXH playing on the TV. It panned down to Naomi, who was curled up on Sapnap’s lap.

Dream:
I love you

Sapnap:
i lovd u too dady

Chapter Text

Sapnap woke up to his phone ringing. When he took his phone from his pocket he realized that he was wearing jeans. In bed. He had fallen asleep in fucking jeans.

He flinched at the screen that was at full brightness. He squinted and saw that Dream was calling him; at 2am. He answered and put it on speaker as sat up to take his jeans off.

“Woah, woah, I heard that zipper,” Dream laughed. “I don’t know you like that!”

“Shh,” Sapnap snapped.

“Are you okay?” Dream asked, his voice carrying concern.

“Jeans, fell asleep in jeans,” he grumbled. “Why’re you callin’? I’m really sleepy.”

“I just wanted to tell you that I’m proud of you.”

Sapnap stopped moving, his head slowly turning to the dumb photo of Dream that lay illuminated on his pillow. He gripped his jeans as the rest of his body relaxed, his jaw fighting between going slack or tightening enough to shatter his teeth.

“Okay,” he whispered shyly.

Dream hummed a laugh. “Why can’t you accept compliments?”

Sapnap felt his cheeks getting warm. He looked at his phone, eyes drooping as Oxytocin seeped into his brain. He felt like he was being handcuffed by the softest material in the world. So, so enticing and so threatening.

“Because you’ll eventually be disappointed in me again,” he murmured.

“Disappointment will never replace love,” Dream said quietly, sounding tired, relaxed.

“Yes it will,” Sapnap grumbled.

“I’m not your father,” Dream blurted quietly. “This might be harsh but there was never love in the first place.”

Sapnap felt a jab in his heart. His blood seized as steel pierced his heart. It felt like he was going to faint, bleeding out onto the bed.

“I wish you were,” he whimpered through a breaking voice.

“You don’t deserve what happened.”

“Stop it,” Sapnap scoffed defensively.

He finished taking his pants off, kicking them off the bed in anger. He sat with his hands beside his knees, fingers squeezing bedsheets. He looked at the wall across from him, taking sharp breaths as tears fell.

He stayed utterly silent.

“Come home.”

“My bag’s packed.”

Sapnap’s head snapped towards the phone. “Really?” He shouted with newfound enthusiasm.

“Mhm,” Dream replied. “I’m coming back a bit early, I’ll be home by the time you wake up.”

Sapnap laid back down in bed. “Can you wake me when you’re back?” He begged.

“Sure,” Dream chuckled. “I’ve gotta get up now.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

The call ended and Sapnap’s eyes shut when his phone turned off. He fell asleep his with hands in loose fists, the base of his thumbs gently pressed against his forehead. It was a habit he developed as a kid since he’d often fall asleep while praying as a little toddler that didn’t understand his need for a man that had cursed him.

He had prayed to god all throughout his school years, begging for good grades. Those made his dad proud. And after hearing that Dream was proud of him, he habitually went to bed with his hands in the familiar position, asking God if being too quiet was a sin worth beating a child.

—— 6am ——

Sapnap heard his door open and close. He opened his eyes and saw Dream approaching. He reached up for him, whining. When Dream got close enough, he pulled Sapnap into a sitting position and wrapped his arms around him. He squeezed the boy tightly.

“Oh, I’ve missed you!” Dream laughed.

Sapnap didn’t respond. He didn’t even have the energy to give a tight hug. He was overwhelmed with tears, hands shaking.

“Shh, shh,” Dream soothed. “It’s okay, little one, you’re okay,” he whispered. “Daddy’s home.”

Sapnap struggled to hold onto Dream’s shirt, weak hands pawing at the fabric. Dream was familiar with the boys reaction. He wasn’t sure of the exact reason, but assumed that Sapnap’s lack of physical affection as a child had led to a genuine lack of knowledge on how to act.

During the first two months of living together, Sapnap had an awful habit of biting. Dream would go in for a hug and Sapnap would end up biting. And after a while, Dream realized that Sapnap was the same as a beat dog.

Despite being close for years, being together physically came with many challenges. Sapnap was like a defiant teenager at first, constantly snapping at small things, leaving for hours or even days without telling Dream where he was.

It was on their fourth month that Dream finally got some explanation. Sapnap genuinely couldn’t open up, but he tried his best to communicate that he had been neglected as a child and he didn’t want Dream to be in control of him. And that conversation led to Dream leaving snacks in Sapnap’s room until the man was finally in the habit of communicating his whereabouts.

“Oh, my dear,” Dream laughed.

He sat down and pulled the distressed boy onto his lap. Sapnap immediately calmed down, his breath easing as he put his body weight onto Dream. He felt Dream rubbing his back as the world slipped away.

Sapnap thought about his prayer. He thought about his nightmares and his fears. And he thought about Dream, and he thought about how he promised himself to be more honest about his feelings.

“N- Not little,” he whispered. “Just… Only for a second; I got overwhelmed.”

“Can I still hold you like this?” Dream asked.

“If that’s okay,” Sapnap replied sheepishly.

“It’s totally okay,” Dream assured.

“Can I tell you a secret?” Sapnap asked.

“Always.”

Sapnap stared at the wall as he struggled to stay awake. He felt so calm, and his exhausted body craved sleep. Sleep that Dream always gifted him with.

“I pray,” he whispered. “I pray for your approval… Stuff like that.”

Dream nodded slightly. “Do you like to pray?”

Sapnap cursed Dream for knowing him better than anyone in the world ever could. For always knowing exactly what to say in order to get him to speak.

“I don’t know,” he snapped.

Dream held him close. He began rocking slightly, feeling Sapnap’s body go limp as the man fell asleep.

“I’m here,” Dream whispered into his ear. “I’m all yours.”

“All mine,” Sapnap whispered sleepily. “My Dream.”